#also also we thing we got covid from Aria who got it from school

[anadorablekiwi]

Me: I’m not feeling too bad maybe I’m just being dramatic

Also me: you literally have covid idiot you’re sick

Me: oh yeah 😅

[bangwoolofbangtan]

TIME

ENTERTAINER of the year

BTS

[Time magazine BTS interview ]

It’s late October, and Suga is sitting on a couch strumming a guitar. His feet are bare, his long hair falling over his eyes. He noodles around, testing out chords and muttering softly to himself, silver hoop earrings glinting in the light. “I just started learning a few months ago,” he says. It’s an intimate moment, the kind you’d spend with a new crush in a college dorm room while they confess rock-star ambitions. But Suga is one-seventh of the Korean pop band BTS, which means I’m just one of millions of fans watching, savoring the moment.

BTS isn’t just the biggest K-pop act on the charts. They’ve become the biggest band in the world—full stop. Between releasing multiple albums, breaking every type of record and appearing in these extemporaneous livestreams in 2020, BTS ascended to the zenith of pop stardom. And they did it in a year defined by setbacks, one in which the world hit pause and everyone struggled to maintain their connections. Other celebrities tried to leverage this year’s challenges; most failed. (Remember that star-studded “Imagine” video?) But BTS’s bonds to their international fan base, called ARMY, deepened amid the pandemic, a global racial reckoning and worldwide shutdowns. “There are times when I’m still taken aback by all the unimaginable things that are happening,” Suga tells TIME later. “But I ask myself, Who’s going to do this, if not us?”

Today, K-pop is a multibillion-dollar business, but for decades the gatekeepers of the music world—the Western radio moguls, media outlets and number-crunchers—treated it as a novelty. BTS hits the expected high notes of traditional K-pop: sharp outfits, crisp choreography and dazzling videos. But they’ve matched that superstar shine with a surprising level of honesty about the hard work that goes into it. BTS meets the demands of Top 40’s authenticity era without sacrificing any of the gloss that’s made K-pop a cultural force. It doesn’t hurt that their songs are irresistible: polished confections that are dense with hooks and sit comfortably on any mainstream playlist.

BTS is not the first Korean act to establish a secure foothold in the West, yet their outsize success today is indicative of a sea change in the inner workings of fandom and how music is consumed. From propelling their label to a $7.5 billion IPO valuation to inspiring fans to match their $1 million donation to Black Lives Matter, BTS is a case study in music-industry dominance through human connection. Once Suga masters the guitar, there won’t be much left for them to conquer.

In an alternate universe where COVID-19 didn’t exist, BTS’s 2020 would likely have looked much like the years that came before. The group got its start in 2010, after K-pop mastermind and Big Hit Entertainment founder Bang Si-hyuk recruited RM, 26, from Seoul’s underground rap scene. He was soon joined by Jin, 28; Suga, 27; J-Hope, 26; Jimin, 25; V, 24; and Jung Kook, 23, selected for their dancing, rapping and singing talents.

But unlike their peers, BTS had an antiestablishment streak, both in their activism and in the way they contributed to their songwriting and production—which was then rare in K-pop, although that’s started to change. In BTS’s debut 2013 single, “No More Dream,” they critiqued Korean social pressures, like the high expectations placed on schoolkids. They have been open about their own challenges with mental health and spoken publicly about their support for LGBTQ+ rights. (Same-sex marriage is still not legally recognized in South Korea.) And they’ve modeled a form of gentler, more neutral masculinity, whether dyeing their hair pastel shades or draping their arms lovingly over one another. All this has made them unique not just in K-pop but also in the global pop marketplace.

In March, BTS was prepping for a global tour. Instead, they stayed in Seoul to wait out the pandemic. For the group, life didn’t feel too different: “We always spend 30 days a month together, 10 hours a day,” Jin says. But with their plans upended, they had to pivot. In August, BTS dropped an English-language single, “Dynamite,” that topped the charts in the U.S.—a first for an all-Korean act. With their latest album this year, Be, they’ve become the first band in history to debut a song and album at No. 1 on Billboard’s charts in the same week. “We never expected that we would release another album,” says RM. “Life is a trade-off.”

Their triumphs this year weren’t just about the music. In October, they put on perhaps the biggest virtual ticketed show of all time, selling nearly a million tickets to the two-night event. Their management company went public in Korea, turning Bang into a billionaire and each of the members into millionaires, a rarity in an industry where the spoils often go to the distributors, not the creators. And they were finally rewarded with a Grammy nomination. On YouTube, where their Big Hit Labels is one of the top 10 most subscribed music accounts (with over 13 billion views by this year), their only real competition is themselves, says YouTube’s music-trends manager Kevin Meenan. The “Dynamite” video racked up 101 million views in under 24 hours, a first for the platform. “They’ve beaten all their own records,” he says.

Not that the glory comes without drawbacks: namely, lack of free time. It’s nearing midnight in Seoul in late November, and BTS, sans Suga, who’s recovering from shoulder surgery, are fitting in another interview—this time, just with me. V, Jimin and J-Hope spontaneously burst into song as they discuss Jin’s upcoming birthday. “Love, love, love,” they harmonize, making good use of the Beatles’ chorus, turning to their bandmate and crossing their fingers in the Korean version of the heart symbol.

Comparisons to that epoch-defining group are inevitable. “What’s different is that we’re seven, and we also dance,” says V. “It’s kind of like a cliché when big boy bands are coming up: ‘Oh, there’s another Beatles!’” says RM. I’ve interviewed BTS five times, and in every interaction, they are polite to a fault. But by now they must be weary of revisiting these comparisons, just as they must be tired of explaining their success. RM says it’s a mix of luck, timing and mood. “I’m not 100% sure,” he says.

They’ve matured into smart celebrities: focused and cautious, they’re both more ready for the questions and more hesitant to make big statements. When you ask BTS about their landmark year, for once they’re not exactly chipper; J-Hope wryly calls it a “roller coaster.” “Sh-t happens,” says RM. “It was a year that we struggled a lot,” says Jimin. Usually a showman, on this point he seems more introspective than usual. “We might look like we’re doing well on the outside with the numbers, but we do go through a hard time ourselves,” he says. For a group whose purpose is truly defined by their fans, the lack of human interaction has been stifling. Still, they’ve made it a point to represent optimism. “I always wanted to become an artist that can provide comfort, relief and positive energy to people,” says J-Hope. “That intent harmonized with the sincerity of our group and led us to who we are today.”

In an era marked by so much anguish and cynicism, BTS has stayed true to their message of kindness, connection and self-acceptance. That’s the foundation of their relationship with their fans. South Korean philosopher and author Dr. Jiyoung Lee describes the passion of BTS’s fandom as a phenomenon called “horizontality,” a mutual exchange between artists and their fans. As opposed to top-down instruction from an icon to their followers, BTS has built a true community. “Us and our fans are a great influence on each other,” says J-Hope. “We learn through the process of making music and receiving feedback.” The BTS fandom isn’t just about ensuring the band’s primacy—it’s also about extending the band’s message of positivity into the world. “BTS and ARMY are a symbol of change in zeitgeist, not just of generational change,” says Lee.

And in June, BTS became a symbol of youth activism worldwide after they donated $1 million to the Black Lives Matter movement amid major protests in the U.S. (They have a long track record of supporting initiatives like UNICEF and school programs.) BTS says now it was simply in support of human rights. “That was not politics. It was related to racism,” Jin says. “We believe everyone deserves to be respected. That’s why we made that decision.”

That proved meaningful for fans like Yassin Adam, 20, an ARMY from Georgia who runs popular BTS social media accounts sharing news and updates, and who is Black. “It will bring more awareness to this issue people like me face in this country,” he says. “I see myself in them, or at least a version of myself.” In May and June, a broad coalition of K-pop fans made headlines for interfering with a police app and buying out tickets for a Trump campaign rally, depleting the in-person attendance. Later that summer, ARMY’s grassroots fundraising effort matched BTS’s $1 million donation to Black Lives Matter within 24 hours.

For 28-year-old Nicole Santero, who is Asian American, their success in the U.S. is also a triumph of representation: “I never really saw people like myself on such a mainstream stage,” Santero says. She’s writing her doctoral dissertation on the culture of BTS fandom, and she runs a popular Twitter account that analyzes and shares BTS data. “Anytime I’m awake, I’m doing something related to BTS,” she says. “This is a deeper kind of love.”

Devotion like that is a point of pride for BTS, particularly in a year when so much has felt uncertain. “We’re not sure if we’ve actually earned respect,” RM says. “But one thing for sure is that [people] feel like, O.K., this is not just some kind of a syndrome, a phenomenon.” He searches for the right words. “These little boys from Korea are doing this.” —With reporting by Aria Chen/Hong Kong; Mariah Espada/Washington; Sangsuk Sylvia Kang and Kat Moon/New York

FASHION CREDITS

RM: Jacket, shirt, pants and shoes HERMES; SUGA: Jacket, shirt and necklace CELINE. Pants GIVENCHY. Shoes LOUIS VUITTON; Jung Kook: Jacket, shirt, pants and shoes FENDI; J-Hope: Jacket, shirt, pants and shoes LOUIS VUITTON. Necklace HERMES; Jin: Suit, knit top and shoes BALENCIAGA; Jimin: Jacket, silk shirt, pants and shoes CELINE; V: Suit, shirt and shoes ALEXANDER McQUEEN. Tie THOM BROWNE.

[selfcareparker]

hi bae <3 reading that last ask i’m realizing i have no grammar? lmao

glad university is funnnn, when you said linguistics i was like 🤨 but then i googled it and it does sound interesting lmao

the too much free time part though... :( its like you expected to be thrown in and like WOO BUSY and WOO purpose (purpose may be going too far lol) but i totally get what you’re saying. ESPECIALLY when you expect to be busier and you’re not it’s like :/ ok. (& girlllll it’s fine to complain, it’s how ur feeling)

and bc of covid you have eVEN LESS STUFF TO DO, which sucks. the social part may help? even just a little bit, but maybe having some socialization.. it could be somewhat uplifting? idk gsjshsj

where i live the vaccine is for 16 and up right now but for the younger kids (12-15) it hasn’t been ✨FDA approved✨ yet so my brother is still waiting for his 🤠

okay really quick, how does drivers license work there? here you learn to drive at 16 and you can like actually drive (sometimes even alone in the car) by 17... (also burneks?)

YAYYYY GIRLLL i remember you telling me about how you haven’t seen your family in England in such a long time 🥺🥺🥺 i really hope you get to see them soon!!!! and that covid eases up so you can see them frequently again 🥺🥺🤍

i’m gonna tattoo that to my forehead “not being friends with your parents is unhealthy” EXACTLY!! the people saying that stuff are usually not close to their parents so 👀

i’ve been really busy (unfortunately imo lol) with my dance recital coming up and this singing group (which i don’t like at all) and my final tests bc of school i’m EEK but it’s a good eek i think? maybe? idk lolll, i can’t wait for everything to be over though so i can CHILL. after school however i have a missions trip in north carolina? don’t quote me on that, but yeah 🥰 i’m really excited about it bc i’ll be without my family (like on my own :)) and it’s this whole thing and i’ll get to know people and i’m gonna buy a new bathing suit that makes me look gooooood cuz i’m tryna cop a boyfriend while i’m there HAHAHAH but besides that... more acting and singing camps probably? most likely a summer job.. i don’t have any plans reallyyy set in stone but ya know (ACTUAL i do have a few things planned. but those are things i don’t want to do. so i will be ignoring them <3)

that was a long ass paragraph- but PLEASE UR RESPONSE WAS FINEEE & i love you 💓💓💖💞💘💓💞💕 literally watch me buy a ticket to germany rn

- lovely anon (or catherine? i feel that lovely anon is iconic now tho so. kinda like how i call you aria in my head not your real name lol ALSO I PROMISE IM GONNA RESPOND TO THAT REALLY SOON, it’s just really busy rn) <3

what’s wrong with tumblr i just saw this a minute ago 🥲🥲🥲🥲 they don’t want to see us together ✋🏼 but fuck them 💘

Whaksk wait wdym by you have no grammar? 😭😭hejsjs

Honestly I’m so surprised that I’m enjoying linguistics but i think since i speak english and german i’ve just always been interested in language and esp english since it’s just my second language so i was forced to learn more about the language than just words and grammar, because it’s such a big part of me and also i didn’t always have a british accent so i kind of had to... develop a british accent, and it was natural but also kind of wasn’t??? Anyway why was this one sentence like 17 lines i’m sorry

YES OMG EXACTLY and obviously i’m missing out on the whole uni experience i mean I’m introverted anyway but i don’t mind going to a party every now and then? but i haven’t talked to a single person from my uni (except in class when we had to analyse a poem or something— okay technically some of my friends go to the same uni as me but they’re all studying other stuff)

But yeah I’ll definitely try to meet my friends more often 🥺 but we all have really different schedules rn so it’s really hard to find days where we both/all are free and not too tired and yeahssjsksj but i mean.... i can pay 50% of your ticket to germany? and then we can hang out? 🥰

I think everyone over 18 can get their vaccine from Monday on so I’ll try to call (okay, my mum will call sisjsh) and see if i can get an appointment. but i think everything will be super full because previously only people over... 50?or 60? or people with like illnesses could get it and now everyone over 18 can get it??? Like that’s a lot of people who can suddenly get the vaccine sksjjs but at the same time they’re getting quicker with it (i think today over 1 million people got the vaccine???? Like i know the US probably gets wayyy more people done so idk if that sounds like nothing to you but obviously Germany is much smaller so to me that sounds like a lot???) and also one of my father’s friend’s wife (djdkdj) works at a hospital or something? And she said she’ll ask if I can get it done there so yeah 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼

Isksmsjjs it took me so long to figure out what burneks was, i googled it (very weird results?) and then i realised i made a typo.... yeah no idea what i was trying to say lol

So in Germany (as far as I’m aware) you can start at 17 and you can’t have your test before you’re 17 years and 6 months old (idk why) and then you’re not allowed to drive alone until you’re 18 and then you still have two years on probation(is that what it’s called?) and you’re not allowed to drink a single sip of alcohol before you’re 21 (and drive) (cause in germany you’re allowed to drink when you’re 14 (if your parents are with you and allow it), then when you’re 16 you can buy beer and wine, and when you’re 18 you can buy everything. But you’re not allowed to drink and drive (even if it’s just 0.01 promille) until you’re 21)

(Okay I just googled and I don’t think you say pro mille/per mille in english sksjsjs but like the percent (or something...) of alcohol you have in your blood (idk biology sorry) (not that you asked about drinking and driving anyway? 😭 but there you go lmaoo)

Also idk if that’s just a UK thing or you also have it in the US? But all of my relatives from England keep asking me how often I’m driving with my parents (for practice)... and in Germany that’s.... not allowed? Like in england you can get these L (Learner) plates that you can stick on the back of your car and then you can drive anytime with your parents, but in germany you can only drive with your driving instructor during a paid for and legally organised driving lesson so. Kksskaj

Yess, the good thing now is that i can go to england anytime? Because Uni is all online anyway so it’s not like i have to wait until the holidays to see my family, i really hope i’ll see them soon🥺 it was my nana’s bday today and my grandad’s a few weeks ago so i’m painting two pictures for them tomorrow and sending them as a (late) gift next week 😌 (i’ll do like an impressionist ✨field of flowers✨ (that sounds awful sksjsjsj for reference i’ll look something like this: (it’s not mine i just found it on the internet while i was looking for some inspiration

for my nana, and something with a waterfall for my grandad) (looking at it now i don’t even think that’s impressionism? Idfk i had art as my subject for my a levels (like one of my final exams) and i actually got an A 👀 but it was mainly architecture and i don’t even remember that so

Ahhh I hope it’s a good eek!! Sksjj hopefully you’ll be done with everything soon and i already know you’re gonna do really good in all of your tests😌 but still: good luck ❤️❤️❤️

Idk if it’s actually cool? But North Carolina sounds so cool to me (but honestly you could have said any state and i’d think it’s cool sksksskm) And girl I still think it’s so amazing that you just sing and dance and act and omg ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

(I’m imagining us in a montage (?) like they always have in films while we’re shopping to get you a hot bathing suit😌😌 and then they always come home with like 6 shopping bags in the movies—)

This is gonna sound so dumb because who tf wants to work? But I’ve always wanted a summer job 🥲 like nothing too exhausting obviously but i’ve never earned any money by myself? I haven’t had a single job in my life (not that I’m that old and like only one of my friends has worked in her life like we’re young sksjsj) and yeah i think it would be really cool to have a summer job and earn some money 😌 but during the summer holidays (they’re only 6 weeks in germany) we’d always go to england for at least two weeks and then we’d drive to bosnia to see my dad’s family for a few days and then to croatia and then to Bosnia again sksksksms so i never had time for a summer job (obviously i’m aware that it’s a fucking privilege that i’ve never had to work and that i get to go to multiple countries during the holidays but yeah)

WHY DO I TALK SO MUCH AUSSKKSSM

Like I said I’ll pay 50% of your ticket 😌 i’ll be here stuck at home anyway, just let me know when you’re coming so i can come pick you up😌 (this emoji djskksks— but i mean it fits so i’ll use it as often as i can 😌)

Lovely anon IS iconic 😌✨ but Catherine is more than okay too🥰 so just say whatever you prefer ❤️

(And omg you never have to apologise for responding to my long ass, full-of-mistakes responses late sksjs take your time (i mean i wouldn’t be mad if you just didn’t respond to some of them i talk too much anyway <3333)

[the-steve-stevenson-experience]

Dress For Where You Are Going, Not For Where You've Been

Day 2:

I don't think I slept very well. There's air conditioning in the bedrooms, so that wasn't an issue. The curfew is 10pm weeknights and 12midnight on weekends, so after 12 there wasn't any of golf cart noise. And those little fuckers are noisy. I woke up early, like 6am and really couldn't get back to sleep. I stayed in bed trying for like an hour, but finally just got up. I made coffee and sat out on the balcony. The chairs that are out here are not super comfortable, but are ok. Like I couldn't sit out there for hours. Which is good, because I could sit out there for hours, if you know what I mean. I wanted to try some place for breakfast, so I walked the block to the beach, there is a nice beach right there with no wall and the two piers on either side are a good distance apart. I stood at the corner of the road and the beach pondering which way I should go.

(My directions are all screwed up here. My window faces east. In my head I should be facing south. I don't compensate for the fact the country is long and thing, and runs north and south. The cay that I'm on also runs north and south. I am basically at the top of the Caribbean Sea, top being north of course)

This kid walks by, and I ask him where there is a good place for breakfast. He tells me of a place, and points down the beach. He then says, walk with me I'll take you there. So we walk. And we talk. He just moved to San Pedro from Corozal, a small village in the north, near Mexico. He was working and going to school. He decided to move here for work, and to continue school. He then tells me that he was robbed at gunpoint and had nothing. Then Covid hits, and the jobs went away. And, I'm thinking that he was gonna hit me up for money. He then tells me that he met some guy who let him stay in one of his vacant houses, and gave him food, and some money, and how he is really thankful for people like that. So, now I'm thinking he won't hit me up for money.

(One thing I learned when I was in Mexico was that people will often times help you out by taking you somewhere, finding something, talking to people for you, or whatever. There are nice people first and foremost, but they are also acting as a concierge. And, it is appropriate to send a little cash their way)

Which reminds me, I want to give the Chief of Security something for his time. Me and Denerik walk to a place on the beach called Jambel Jerk Pit. Now, those Americans with a 14 boy mind will think that name is funny, but the food is good, and that bartender made a great mango smoothy. I had the chicken and pork combo jerk. Oh, and I did give Denerik a couple bucks Belize for his time. He seemed a bit suprised that I offered. He, you do something for me and I'm able, I'll take care of you. Well, take care of might be a strong phrase. I won't let you die, is more accurate. The jobs aren't back yet. Some are. This giant new resort, Aria, just opened and hired 200-300 locals. He told me about it and is trying to get on with them. The woman who did my mani-pedi and massage also told me about it. I haven't heard a bad word about the place so far.

(There are still a lot of people out of work here. That's why it seems like I get hit up for cash a lot. Really, only twice in a few days. I get more than that in Denver)

It's not very busy or crowded here. There are no waits to do anything. A lot of places are pretty empty, but they are open. They aren't desperate, but the do kind of clamor for your business. I get people who will come out onto the beach and talk to me about coming into their business. They pitch you from their patios. They are like carnival barkers trying to get your attention. I was told that San Pedro had only one reported case of Covid. This whole country is taking it seriously though. Everyone wears a mask in public, and by public I mean unless you in your house, or sitting at a table in a restaurant, you are wearing a mask. They have a curfew in place, but things are moving into the open.

I did go and get that pedicure I've been wanting. I had a mani-pedi not too long ago, but it needed done again. I also got a massage. It was in this little joint out over the ocean. A nice breeze was blowing through, and she did a great job on all of it. They recommended a place for dinner. I was asking about what's Belizean food, and the dude told me that Belizean food is based on Mayan food. So, plantains, rice and beans, seafoods of course, cole slaw, potatoes, coconut, deer and even iguana meat. Haven't seen any of that yet. I will try it if I see it. This is Kriol food. I made plans to eat at the place they recommended.

Speaking of restaurants. Most places seem to have a Jamaican, Mexican, and American (read as US) influence. I've seen fried pickles on almost every menu. Jerked food is very common here. And, tacos and burritos are also. The whole tortilla, tamale, ceviche and other "Mexican" dishes are most likely common to this part of the world. Much like a lot of countries surrounding the Mediterranean sea have very similar foods, especially the southern Med.

I spent too much money in a gift shop. I needed some shirts because I forgot I owned any tank tops and didn't bring them. I needed a swim suit, again because I forgot the ones I already own. I normally don't do touristy shit, but today, I bout a few shirts with catchy, funny little phrases and Belize on them. I can't not look like a tourist here, so I'm not worrying too much about it.

(On my way back to the condo I was approached by some dude. He kept asking me if I wanted any. I finally looked him. He was asking if I wanted any while grabbing his crotch. I asked, "want any what?" I said, I was good, and he left)

I took my too much shit back to the condo, and then started walking to dinner. I can figure directions out pretty well, so I decided to find my own way there. Besides I couldn't remember the name. I knew kind of where it was, and I would know the name when I saw it. And, I didn't exactly get lost, but I did walk down some streets that a lot of tourists probably don't walk down. After walking around a bit, I found it, El Fogon. I had salbutes, like little tostadas, fried corn tortilla with tomato chicken, cole slaw, and a jalapeno. I also got the shrimp creole. It was all very good.

[nisaadventures]

I’m turning 30 in 10 days... yikes.

The last year of my life has sucked... lol. Okay, it wasn’t all bad. I’m exaggerating... but I’m also not. I know there were plenty of nice moments in the last year... but when I think about the last year of my life, its just full of so many firsts... awful firsts... 

First time celebrating their birthdays without them...

First holiday season without them... anyone else miss mom’s turkey? Most people don’t like traditional thanksgiving dinner because the turkey is more often dry... mom’s was never dry... Okay the key people.. Don’t actually cook your stuffing in the turkey. Its just going to suck all the juice life out of your bird... I mean come on. Trick #1 stuff the turkey with fresh cut oranges and yes, you can leave the skin on... #2 do majority of the oven time in an oven bag to keep the moisture in. #3 cook breasts down. Its the part thats usually most dry, so duh... keep it in the juicy, buttery goodness of the pan. I never made the entire meal, I usually just helped mom with everything. These are just some things I’ve taken away in my observations. 

Halloween trip to Disneyland without them... Disney is always a good time, but I’d be lying if I said my heart didn’t feel heavy in some way... and that is saying something because Disneyland is my happy place lol. 

Looking forward to 2020... Hoping that it had so much better in store for us. 

Dear lord... what a joke. 

Going to Hawaii for our “family trip” without them...

A pandemic without them... I mean yes, I’m thankful they aren’t out there with COVID on the rise... I’m glad they’re not stuck at home because COVID. Mom and Michael are both too much of busy bees to be cooped up in the house for too long. 

Not going to lie... picking up where they left has been hard. All of moms plants... The dogs.. Taking care of the backyard, where Michael usually would. Mom would definitely do too much at once. She’d be out in the yard planting something and pulling out something else in her damn UGG boots! wth mom?! Those are expensive! lol. “Oh its fine.. I’ll wash them.” Omg lol. Either that, or she’d be over here trying to move heavy a$$ pots by herself and I’d have to stop her before she hurt her back. Ayiyi. 

Keanu and Aria’s birthdays without them... seeing my babies sad and missing their grandma, grandpa, and aunties has been hard. It will be out of nowhere sometimes... and all the nights of Aria waking up in the middle of the night crying. I feel you baby girl... I get it. I miss them too... Its okay to be sad... Mantras... 

You were her little rays of sunshine. Grandpa and grandma loved you SOOOO much. 

Mom would babysit the kids on Saturday mornings, while Kuya, Vaness, and I went to workout. They’d go get breakfast, pancakes and eggs, at UJs. She’d take them to Target, the dollar store, Walmart, etc. just so they could look and maybe get something to play with together. She always crafted with them. 

Living in this house... especially with COVID... has been hard. I miss just sitting at the dinner table, eating sho mi, and talking about work. Mom and Michael getting all worked up over some crazy manager, or something going down with the union.. yup, that’s where I get it from... advocacy and leadership skills FTW.  One thing they could always talk about for HOURS was work lol. 

I remember when I was a little girl, Mom would let me play in the bathtub until I was all wrinkled. She would let me bring all my toys into the tub. At one point I even had a care bear doll that she, for some reason, let me take in the bath lol. She’d throw it in the dryer for me after I was done. 

I remember going to the grocery store with mom and leaving with two full a$$ grocery carts because we had a full house at all times. I mean it was Kuya, my cousin Jojo, my brother Derric, my cousin John, Bubba, my cousin Jay, me and whoever else was over the house lol. When Kuya was in high school, it was all of his buddies partying at our house and crashing on the floor in the living room, dining room, and all the couches. She was the #1 host for sure.

“Are you hungry? Did you eat yet?” 

Thats love. 

All of Kuya’s high school friends called her Mom. My friends called her Mama Fern. She loved that. 

I remember playing hide n go seek in the dark in our tiny town house.. Later in the bigger house on Glenbriar... where mom actually tripped and broke her arm... But she laughed so hard she peed her pants, so she was a good sport? lol. Needless to say, we sort of stopped playing after that.

I remember making dim sum with mom for the first time. Such a hot mess, flour and food everywhere, but so fun. We definitely didn’t do that again until there were more adults around to help lol. Mom knew how to run through a kitchen like a tornado. Hot mess! but the best cook. 

Mom was always careful. She always wanted to make sure we were safe, that I was safe. I couldn’t go outside unless one of the boys was with me. When I would swim she would get nervous, even though I learned how to swim at a young age thanks to Kuya. One day, we were having a bbq, lots of family over, I was playing in the jacuzzi (drawing on the wall of the jacuzzi with a piece of chlorine... don’t play with chemicals kids lol) and she thought I was drowning? So she jumps her a$$ in there fully clothed and yanks my a$$ out. I was shocked as hell, so I naturally started crying hella hard and complaining about the fact that she scratched me when she yanked me up out of the water lol.

Keep in mind that that was not the first time one of the twins jumped into the pool fully clothed to “save” someone hahaha. 

 Speaking of fully clothed in the pool... The time auntie tripped and fell slo-mo style (that questionable, are you going to catch your balance, speed) into the pool LOL. Mom was dead laughing at her. Most hilarious video. 

Those twins lol. 

Jeeze.. speaking of the twins. They had this crazy connection. Tell me why when mom got sick with suspected viral meningitis and had to be hospitalized... Auntie straight up followed her right into the ICU with viral meningitis... 

Who remembers their 50th birthday? Talk about doing it BIG. So much fun. All the performances. Lani was there... KMA performances and kuya and John getting down for Maglalatik. Who doesn’t like seeing some half naked, buff dudes, bang coconuts together? haha. The twins getting down with their hula performance. Cute!

I remember when Mom and pops were going through their divorce and she would text me after midnight. I was going to Sac State and of course I was team NO sleep at the time. I would be in the AIRC studying. I’d comfort as best as I could from a distance... and then come home on weekends to be there with her when I could. 

She found her footing again. Started going to the gym with Kuya more... Started running all the time... all of her half marathons and finally she did the Nike Women’s Marathon. 

Hiking Half Dome with her. What.a.badass. 

That is really how I see her. She was so badass. When she was my age she had my 9 year old Kuya and I was on the way... She was working and supporting us and then eventually decided to make a better life for us, and went back to school... NURSING SCHOOL. wth. I can’t even imagine doing that right now, but reminding myself of where she has been and how much she PUT IN WORK... That keeps me grounded in the fact that we are responsible for our lives. If you want something, you have to work for it. You can’t just hope for better... you make better happen. 

I guess its that reminder... her strength... her and Michael’s love and hard work... That keeps me going. 

Being mindful... being thankful... acknowledging my own strength... 

But with that said... August has been increasingly hard. I don’t like to think about my birthday. I don’t even want to plan anything. They’re not here... I can’t celebrate with all my loved ones and friends. Thank you COVID... 

We’re just getting closer and closer to the anniversary? Nah.. lets not call it that... anniversary sounds like something nice... something to celebrate... This is NOT that. The day your loved ones are taken is not something to celebrate... I mean honestly, if I had to pinpoint the worst day of my life, that was it.... When I think about that day I can’t breathe. Terrible memories... so many sleepless nights. I’ve come so far. Its still hard, but I’ve come a long way. 

Anyway... this post is sort of random and nostalgic. Things I hold onto. Things that make me happy cry... Things that weigh heavy on my heart. 

Here’s my playlist for grief... reminders of them... collected over the last year:

Aloha for now -Kaleo Vai & Passion 

One day at a time -Jennifer Chung

In the end - Gabe Bondoc, Melissa Polinar, Passion

Round and around -Kolohe Kai

Fade Away -Rebelution

Alive -The Green

New Day -Kimie’

Angels above me -Stick Figure

Memories -Maroon 5

Wish you pain -Andy Grammer

100 -Katchafire

Everyday life -Coldplay

Out of the darkness -Isla vista worship, Bre Reed

Amen -Andra Day

Grateful -13 Crowns feat. Poo Bear

Rainbow Connection -Gwen Stefani

Be okay -ZOE worship 

With you -Eryn Allen Kane

Dont worry -Mesto feat. Aloe Blacc

Just livin’ -Sensi trails, Kbong

Remember me -Miguel, Natalia Lafourcade

Even more -Major

Let it be -Xav A.

Give Thanks -Iya terra, Stick figure

Mr. Sun -Sammy Johnson

Rest easy -Thrive, Nico of Tribal Theory

Sunny Days- Allen Stone

Today’s a new day -Common Kings

Mother’s Love -Jonah Jaxon, Micah G

The bones -Maren Morris, Hozier

Give you blue -Allen Stone

And we remain -Johnnyswim

Yellow -Kina Grannis

Streetcar -Daniel Caesar

Meant to be -Bebe Rexha, Florida georgia line

All you need to know -Gryffin, slander, Calle Lehmann

Like I’m gonna lose you -Jasmine Thompson

[orbemnews]

A New Crop in Pennsylvania: Warehouses OREFIELD, Pa. — From his office in an old barn on a turkey farm, David Jaindl watches a towering flat-screen TV with video feeds from the hatchery to the processing room, where the birds are butchered. Mr. Jaindl is a third-generation farmer in Pennsylvania’s Lehigh Valley. His turkeys are sold at Whole Foods and served at the White House on Thanksgiving. But there is more to Mr. Jaindl’s business than turkeys. For decades, he has been involved in developing land into offices, medical facilities and subdivisions, as the area in and around the Lehigh Valley has evolved from its agricultural and manufacturing roots to also become a health care and higher education hub. Now Mr. Jaindl is taking part in a new shift. Huge warehouses are sprouting up like mushrooms along local highways, on country roads and in farm fields. The boom is being driven, in large part, by the astonishing growth of Amazon and other e-commerce retailers and the area’s proximity to New York City, the nation’s largest concentration of online shoppers, roughly 80 miles away. “They are certainly good for our area,” said Mr. Jaindl, who is developing land for several new warehouses. “They add a nice tax base and good employment.” But the warehouses are being built at such a dizzying pace that many residents worry the area’s landscape, quality of life and long-term economic well-being are at risk. E-commerce is fueling job growth, but the work is physically taxing, does not pay as well as manufacturing and could eventually be phased out by automation. Yet the warehouses are leaving a permanent mark. There are proposals to widen local roads to accommodate the thousands of additional trucks ferrying goods from the hulking structures. In the township of Maxatawny, Pa., just west of the Lehigh Valley, a giant warehouse is slated to be built at the site of a 259-year-old cemetery that holds the remains of a Revolutionary War captain and what is believed to be the unmarked grave of a woman he had enslaved. Not far away, near a group of Mennonite farms, a tractor-trailer hit a horse-drawn buggy in late March, flipping it and sending one passenger to the hospital and the horse on the loose. Closer to Allentown, the area’s largest city, FedEx has built a new “ground hub,” one of its largest such facilities in the United States. A billboard down the road advertises legal representation for people injured in truck accidents. “They are coming here and putting up shiny new warehouses and erasing pieces of history,” said Juli Winkler, whose ancestors are buried in the Maxatawny cemetery. “Who knows if these big buildings will even be useful in 50 years.” Developers are very confident in the industry’s growth, however, particularly after the pandemic. Big warehouse companies like Prologis and Duke Realty are investing billions in local properties. Many of the warehouses are being built before tenants have signed up, making some wonder whether there is a bubble and if some of these giant buildings will ever be filled. “People are calling it warehouse fatigue,” said Dr. Christopher R. Amato, a member of the regional planning commission. “It feels like we are just being inundated.” There are now almost as many warehouse and transportation jobs in the region as manufacturing positions. But that’s not a milestone all celebrate — not in an area that hopes to keep alive its higher-paying manufacturing sector, even though some of its biggest employers like Bethlehem Steel closed long ago. Manufacturing jobs in the Lehigh Valley pay, on average, $71,400 a year, compared with $46,700 working in a warehouse or driving a truck. The region is still home to large manufacturing plants that produce Crayola crayons and marshmallow Peeps candies. Don Cunningham, the chief executive of the Lehigh Valley Economic Development Corporation, says the warehouse jobs are lifting employment and wages, particularly for unskilled workers. “If you were to turn away this economic opportunity for a whole sector of workers, where do they go?” Mr. Cunningham said. “They could end up on some sort of government assistance or end up caught up in the criminal justice system.” Mr. Cunningham, whose father worked in the local steel industry, said he recognized that distribution jobs were not ideal. “But to be able to make $16 an hour with a high school diploma, there aren’t a lot of places in the U.S. where you can do that,” he said. “This is a really nice sector for low-skilled workers. It at least gives them a fighting chance to carve out a livable wage.” A depot on the global supply chain To Kirk R. Johnson, the Lehigh Valley is a dreamscape. There is available land, but not too much, which helps keep values high. Two major interstates pass through the area ferrying goods through the Northeast. About 30 percent of American consumers are within a day’s truck drive. Looking for an opportunity to invest, Mr. Johnson, the chief investment officer of the Watson Land Company, a giant owner of warehouses in Southern California, teamed up with Mr. Jaindl. Together, they are developing three new warehouse projects around the Lehigh Valley, totaling more than three million square feet, or about 60 football fields. They are being built speculatively, meaning no tenants are lined up. “There are tons of risk in development,” Mr. Johnson said, “And building speculatively is one of them.” Mr. Jaindl said many concerns in the area about warehouses were unwarranted. He said that the Lehigh Valley still had a large manufacturing base and that his land company was also seeing demand for houses and hotels, reflecting the economy’s strength beyond warehouses. As an active farmer whose grandfather started the business with just a handful of turkeys, Mr. Jaindl took his stewardship of the land seriously, he said. His family is regarded as one of the most generous philanthropists in the area. “Farming is our foundation,” he said. He said the warehouse critics didn’t often acknowledge how vital the industry had become during the pandemic. Many of the warehouses are being used to distribute food across the Northeast. “The truck drivers played a very important role getting necessities and food to people during Covid,” he said. Today in Business Updated  May 25, 2021, 5:16 p.m. ET With much of the land nearest to the interstates already built out, developers are pushing farther into the countryside. One of Mr. Jaindl’s warehouse projects is slated for a farm field just over the state line in White Township, N.J. Mr. Jaindl said he had decided to build on only half of the 600-acre site and to preserve the rest as farmland even though he was entitled to develop the entire parcel. The complex could add hundreds of truck trips a day to rural roads that wind through picturesque towns near the Delaware River. The nearest highway is about 12 miles from the proposed warehouse. Tom Bodolsky moved to nearby Hope Township more than 40 years ago because it was a place where “he could see the stars at night.” Back then, manufacturing plants were not far away, but no one foresaw that the area could become a depot on the global supply chain. “These towns got caught with their pants down,” he said. ‘I was completely beat up’ In a promotional video posted on the economic development agency’s website, there are images of welders, builders and aerial footage of the former Bethlehem Steel plant, which closed in the 1990s. The narrator touts the Lehigh Valley’s ethos as the home of “makers” and “dreamers.” “We know the value of an honest day’s work,” the narrator intones. “We practically wrote the book on it.” Jason Arias found an honest day’s work in the Lehigh Valley’s warehouses, but he also found the physical strain too difficult to bear. Mr. Arias moved to the area from Puerto Rico 20 years ago to take a job in a manufacturing plant. After being laid off in 2010, Mr. Arias found a job packing and scanning boxes at an Amazon warehouse. The job soon started to take a toll — the constant lifting of boxes, the bending and walking. “Manufacturing is easy,” he said. “Everything was brought to you on pallets pushed by machines. The heaviest thing you lift is a box of screws.” One day, walking down stairs in the warehouse, Mr. Arias, 44, missed a step and felt something pop in his hip as he landed awkwardly. It was torn cartilage. At the time, Mr. Arias was making $13 an hour. (Today, Amazon pays an hourly minimum of $15.) In 2012, Mr. Arias left Amazon and went to a warehouse operated by a food distributor. After a few years, he injured his shoulder on the job and needed surgery. “Every time I went home I was completely beat up,” said Mr. Arias, who now drives a truck for UPS, a unionized job which he likes. Dr. Amato, the regional planning official, is a chiropractor whose patients include distribution workers. Manufacturing work is difficult, but the repetitive nature of working in a warehouse is unsustainable, he said. “If you take a coat hanger and bend it back and forth 50 times, it will break,” he said. “If you are lifting 25-pound boxes multiple times per hour, eventually things start to break down.” Dennis Hower, the president of the local Teamsters union, which represents drivers for UPS and other companies in the Lehigh Valley, said he was happy that the e-commerce boom was resulting in new jobs. At the same time, he’s reminded by the empty storefronts everywhere that other jobs are being destroyed. “Every day you open up the newspaper and see another retail store going out of business,” he said. Not everyone can handle the physicality of warehouse work or has the temperament to drive a truck for 10 hours a day. In fact, many distribution companies are having a hard time finding enough local workers to fill their openings and have had to bus employees in from out of state, Mr. Hower said. “You can always find someone somewhere who is willing to work for whatever you are going to pay them,” he said. A slave’s final resting place Two years ago, there were no warehouses near Lara Thomas’s home in Shoemakersville, Pa., a town of 1,400 people west of the Lehigh Valley. Today, five of them are within walking distance. “It hurts my heart,” said Ms. Thomas. “This is a small community.” A local history buff, Ms. Thomas is a member of a group of volunteers who regularly clean up old, dilapidated cemeteries in the area, including one in Maxatawny that is about two miles from her church. The cemetery, under a grove of trees next to a wide-open field, is the final resting place of George L. Kemp, a farmer and a captain in the Revolutionary War. Last summer, the warehouse developer Duke Realty, which is based in Indianapolis, argued in county court that it could find no living relatives of Mr. Kemp and proposed moving the graves to another location. A “logistics park” is planned on the property. Meredith Goldey, who is a Kemp descendant, was not impressed with Duke’s due diligence. “They didn’t look very hard.” Ms. Goldey, other descendants and Ms. Thomas pored through old property and probate records and found Mr. Kemp’s will. The documents stipulated that a woman enslaved by Mr. Kemp, identified only as Hannah, would receive a proper burial. While there is no visible marker for Hannah in the cemetery, the captain’s will strongly suggests she is buried alongside the rest of the family. “This is not the Deep South,” Ms. Thomas said. “It is almost unheard-of for a family to own a slave in eastern Pennsylvania in the early 19th century and then to have her buried with them.” Several descendants of Mr. Kemp filed a lawsuit against Duke Realty seeking to protect the cemetery. A judge has ordered the two sides to come up with a solution by next month. A spokesman for Duke Realty said in an email that the company “is optimistic that the parties will reach an amicable settlement in the near future.” Ms. Thomas worries that if the bodies are exhumed and interred in another location, they will not be able to locate Hannah’s remains and they will be buried under the warehouse. “She will be lost,” she said. Source link Orbem News #Crop #Pennsylvania #warehouses

[recentanimenews]

Manga the Week of 6/24/20

SEAN: Look out, folks. The danger of COVID-19 may still be here, but the dam has broken. There are SO MANY BOOKS next week.

ASH: Woo!

SEAN: We’ll start with Dark Horse, who have a 5th volume of Mob Psycho 100.

ASH: I’ll be picking this up.

SEAN: J-Novel Club’s debut is Deathbound Duke’s Daughter, which is another in the “I’ve been reincarnated as a villainess in an otome game” genre. Really nice artwork for this novel series. It’s from Futabasha’s M Novels.

Also from J-Novel Club: An Archdemon’s Dilemma 10, Ascendance of a Bookworm 7 (which finishes the 2nd arc, the one currently being animated), the 2nd Sorcerous Stabber Orphen manga, and a 4th Welcome to Japan, Ms. Elf!

Kodansha has a lot. Debuts? We have three. One even is in print: the first volume of The Ghost in the Shell: Human Algorithm, a spinoff of the legendary manga/anime franchise.

ASH: It’s always interesting to see how various creators envision Ghost in the Shell.

SEAN: A new digital-only title is Abe-kun’s Got Me Now! (Abe-kun ni Nerawaretemasu), a shoujo title from the online replacement for Aria, Palcy. A comedy manga about a girl who finds the school’s karate champ confessing to her… and he’s not going to take no for an answer.

Also digital (at least for now) is Sue & Tai-chan, another cat manga from the creator of Chi’s Sweet Home. This one runs in Be Love magazine, so seems more for housewives than kids. But… I mean, it’s still a cute cat manga.

MICHELLE: I’m looking forward to it!

SEAN: Scheduled (at the moment) for Digital next week and print later, we see Cardcaptor Sakura Collector’s Edition 5 (along with 3 and 4, whose print are out already), Fire Force 19, Love and Lies 9, O Maidens in Your Savage Season 7, and Yuri Is My Job! 6.

ASH: As usual, I’ll be waiting for the print release, but O Maidens in Your Savage Season is really good.

SEAN: Digital-only titles out next week? Altair: A Record of Battles 19 (I swear this is now weekly), Asahi-sempai’s Favorite 7 (the final volume), Hotaru’s Way 14, I Fell in Love After School 5, Kounodori: Dr. Stork 15, and Watari-kun’s ****** Is about to Collapse 7 (which also feels like it’s out every week).

MICHELLE: Of these, I’m only currently reading I Fell in Love After School, but I do enjoy it.

SEAN: KUMA has a digital-first, print later debut: Canis: Dear Mr. Rain. This BL title originally ran in Opera a few years back, but is now in Takeshobo’s Reijin. It’s about picking up a stray on the side of the road, only this is a human, not a dog.

MELINDA: Maybe?

SEAN: One Peace has a 13th Rising of the Shield Hero (manga version).

Seven Seas, in print, has New Game! 9.

Seven Seas, digitally, has a bit more. We have two debuts. Peter Grill and the Philosopher’s Time (Peter Grill to Kenja no Jikan) runs in Futabasha’s Manga Action, which means it can’t be full-on porn, but it sounds like it. Peter Grill has a lovely fiancee and has just won a tournament pronouncing him the World’s Strongest. Unfortunately, this means all the women in the world – elves, ogres – want to bone him. Poor guy, can he escape his horrible fate?

MELINDA: …wow.

SEAN: The other digital debut is Syrup, another yuri anthology of short stories – this one from Futabasha – and featuring the creators of I Married My Best Friend to Shut My Parents Up and Kisses, Sighs and Cherry Blossom Pink.

ASH: Oh! That sounds like it has promise!

MELINDA: This might be good!

SEAN: There’s also the 3rd Arifureta manga, Gal Gohan 3, GIGANT 2, a 2nd Magic User: Reborn in Another World as a Max Level Wizard light novel, Miss Kobayashi’s Dragon Maid: Elma’s Office Lady Diary 3, Non Non Biyori 13, the 3rd Reincarnated As a Sword manga, and the 10th and final Toradora! light novel. (Yes, I know there are short story volumes. No, they aren’t. No, it’s unlikely they will be.)

Square Enix has – digital first – the 3nd Hi Score Girl manga and the 2nd Suppose a Kid from the Last Dungeon Boonies Moved to a Starter Town manga.

Tokyopop has two new series. Don’t Call Me Daddy (Daddy Darlin’) is a BL manga, sequel to Don’t Call Me Dirty.

The other is No Vampire, No Happy Ending (Ringo to Bara to Kyuuketsuki (Kari)), a goofy Mag Garden comedy about a vampire enthusiast who finally meets one and discovers they’re not up to snuff.

MELINDA: This actually sounds fun, maybe in a What We Do in the Shadows kind of way, but …Tokyopop. Not sure I’m ready.

Vertical has (digitally) Bakemonogatari’s 4th manga, APOSIMZ 5, and Kino’s Journey 6.

MELINDA: I’ve been kind of out of it and have lost touch with the Kino’s Journey manga adaptation. I should try to fix that.

SEAN: That’s it! We’re done! Wait… (giant pile of Yen Press falls on Sean) Riiiiiight. Yen’s back in town.

ASH: Whoa! Hang on for the ride!

SEAN: All of the light novel debuts got moved to July. But there’s still a lot of Yen On. We get The Genius Prince’s Guide to Raising a Nation Out of Debt (Hey, How About Treason?) 3, I’ve Been Killing Slimes for 300 Years and Maxed Out My Level 7, Last Round Arthurs 2, My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Wrong As I Expected 6.5 (yes, the numbering is deliberate), Overlord 12, The Saga of Tanya the Evil 7, A Sister’s All You Need 7, That Time I Got Reincarnated As a Slime 8, Wandering Witch: The Journey of Elaina 2, Woof Woof Story 4, and World’s Strongest Rearguard: Labyrinth Country’s Novice Seeker 3. Guh. So many books, so many long titles.

ASH: For sure!

SEAN: Manga? Well, there we have a few debuts. Bestia is a fantasy series about magical beasts, looks cute, and runs in Kadokawa’s Shonen Ace.

Breasts Are My Favorite Things in the World (Sekai de Ichiban Oppai Ga Suki!) is sort of Knight of the Ice if the knight was a girl and instead of wanting to hear magical girl songs she had to fondle huge breasts in order to do well in competitions. It looks… a bit over the top. This runs in Media Factory’s Comic Cune.

MELINDA: What is happening??

SEAN: Lust Geass is from the creator of Evangelion spinoff The Shinji Ikari Raising Project, runs in Kadokawa’s Young Ace, and seems to be Death Note only with sex instead of death.

MELINDA: Yen Press is really losing me lately.

SEAN: And there’s Restaurant in Another World, the manga version of the light novel. Old-school Crunchyroll manga readers may recall this title.

ASH: Oh, I may need to check this one out.

SEAN: Lastly, Sekiro Side Story: Hanbei the Undying seems to be a side story to something I don’t know (it’s certainly not Sekirei), and I guess is based off a game.

Ongoing titles? Well, Umineko: When They Cry comes to an end with the 3rd and final omnibus of Twilight of the Golden Witch. We’ve figured out by now that most everyone in the cast is really, genuinely dead. But did ANYONE other than Ange survive? Read to find out.

And… Bungo Stray Dogs 15, Chio’s School Road 9, Dead Mount Death Play 4, Divine Raiment Magical Girl Howling Moon 2, Do You Love Your Mom (and Her Two-Hit, Multi-Target Attacks?) 3 (manga version), Eclair Bleau (another yuri anthology volume) Goblin Slayer 8 (manga version), KonoSuba Explosion 5 (manga version, technically a final volume but there’s a sequel), Little Miss P: The Second Day, Phantom Tales of the Night 4, The Saga of Tanya the Evil 10 (manga version), and A Witch’s Printing Office 3.

MICHELLE: So many paragraphs of things I’m not reading, with the probable exception of Eclair Bleue.

ANNA: I’m going to have a hard time doing pick of the week this week, despite this deluge of manga.

ASH: I’m glad to see publishers getting their books out there, but that is certainly a lot all at once!

MELINDA: A lot of… what?

SEAN: Stay masked even though all the manga is back! What are you getting?

By: Sean Gaffney

[selfcareparker]

hi aria <3 (i just noticed “love letters only” LMAO well good thing this is one of those 😌) it’s lovely anon, sorry for being a shit friend lol but here’s everything i’ve had drafted to send you (well not everything! that would be a lot HAHA)

this is more recent but: can’t wait for the blurb!! (you said it was a blurb right? i can’t find it on your blog now but it was something hdgshs) and the squeaky sneakers 😭😭 stoppppp i can’t

about your theme and your pants lmao:

aw come on i bet ur theme will look great :) aND IM HAPPY ABOUT YOUR TROUSERS LOL but i’ve really been up to nothing? WAIT THATS A LIE- so school ended (yay!!) and ya know i’m still dancing bUT i didn’t go to rehearsal last night (the 27th) bc i hurt my back :/ long story short i was at my brothers football game and they won (like for the first time lol) and i got really excited, i jumped and when i landed (which was on two feet!) my back immediately hurt. i’m okay though!! i went to the doctor and they said it’s just a backache, take it easy, don’t go to dance until next week so yeah :)

update!!! i went to dance last night (the 3rd), almost had an anxiety attack because the it’s the sECOND TO LAST REHEARSAL UNTIL THE SHOW AND I FEEL LIKE IM STILL LOOKING LIKE SHIT 🙃 but my teachers are really nice and they told me i look goooodddd and it’s fineeee so it calmed me down a bit :)

i’m still singing too, i’m in this group which i hate lol but my mom unfortunately said i should finish it out, 1) bc my younger brother is in it and he’s really excited about it which ya know yea i get it, and i don’t mind, 2) bc she paid for it 😭😭 but yeah i can’t wait until that’s over!!

clearly i am very nervous about everything haha anyway, i’m gonna be active more though . i miss talking to you, like a lot lol & i feel like it doesn’t come through BC IM NEVER ACTIVE 😭 but i think you’re the coolest person and whenever i see you post or reblog i’m like ARIA!!! so. love u girl, expect me to blow up your ask box and make u sick of me 🙃 (kidding lol, also i’ve been using that emoji a lot recently..)

ALSO ONE OTHER THING THAT IVE ALWAYS WANTED TO TELL YOU: there was a thing you reblogged AGES AGO and it was about kids who want their parents to get divorced lmao and how they’re awesome. anyway THANKS HAAH, this is probably so random, but anyway i’ve given you like bits and pieces of my home life but i can’t wait for my mom and dad to split up lol like honESTLY WAITING FOR IT

god this makes me sound bored, lonely, and depressed. #lonely anon is really coming through huh. but how’ve you been? just tell me all about it, clearly i’m doing nothing so <3

Snsjsh i forgot to post the blurb (idk if i should call it a blurb or not tbh?) lmao i got nervous and saved it to my drafts even though i had it scheduled for 45 mins ago </3 but i’ll post it after i respond to this ask (idk why but i was so excited reading your ask dksjmm <333)

Omg no need to apologise!!! Also you can literally send me everything and anything you want i’ll always be excited every time lmaoo even if it’s a lot, that’s even better!!!!

I was about to say get well soon but you said you had your rehearsal so that means your back is better i assume (and hope) which is amazing ❤️ (also congrats to your brother <3 i died when you said it was the first time they won aufisjssjk)

GOOD LUCK (even though you don‘t need it 😌 i‘m with your teachers on this one!) FOR YOUR SHOW I KNOW YOURE GONNA BE AMAZING AAAHH💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖 Oh also i realised i dont even know what type of dance you do?

Not the singing group thingjfjhh😩 But yeah like your mom said it‘ll probably be amazing for your brother! And idk which one you‘re talking about so idk how old he is but i‘m sure in the future he‘ll be grateful and think it‘s cool that you got to do it together 🥺!!!! but also it‘ll probably be over soo quick and you‘ll be like oh that was quick so. (What was that Sentence dkdjdjjd)

I get that you‘re nervous tho :( but i hope it‘s not a constant state of anxiety and maybe you can change it into being excited about it (isn‘t that what Tom always says? I don‘t find it very helpful 💀 but maybe you do <3)

Dkdkdkdk the parent thing 😭 my parents used to argue alllllllll the time and i‘d like cry in my room every night lmao (is this too personal? lnaodjdkd i mean i feel comfortable with you so idc) and my mom/mum (lol) still says why did i marry your father? at least once a week and I know she MEANS it too but💀 i mean idk what exactly your situation is but i know everything‘ll turn out the best way possible (yk on a long term basis) and maybe you‘ll get two Christmases so that‘s good difkldndns

Okay what‘s new with me.... nothing lmao. I think i‘ll get my driver‘s license soon like i was supposed to have my test in june but that‘s probably not happening so i hope my test will be during the beginning of july because mid/late july i have exams and that‘s already enough stress :( (also i feel like i‘ve been talking about my driving for like six months and still don‘t have my license eldjdkdj (or is it licence???? I think license is the verb but idk) BUT! that‘s just because i didn‘t have any lessons between december and march? because of covid and i‘ve been just waiting to get a test date since april 😭 but because of covid everything is taking so long and yeah </3

Talking about driver‘s license (🥴) i have finally listened to more olivia rodrigo songs and i reallly dont like the sad ones bc they give me anxiety tbh (but most sad songs do so), but i like brutal and jealousy, jealousy (or is it called jealous, jealous? Idk). I have no idea if you even like her but i remember how you said deja vu was good so maybe you like her?

Also I‘m getting my first covid vaccine next week (i know the US is way ahead of us lol but I’m getting mine very early like most of my friends couldn‘t get theirs yet so) BUT i‘m scared that i have covid 😭😭 i went to a friend‘s house the other day and she was gonna walk me home but then we met people from some of her uni courses and i didn‘t mind them (don’t know how i managed that without an anxiety attack tbh) but we were very close and i accidentally hugged one of them dkdkdjdj (accidentally because i forgot covid exists) andddd i‘ve had a cough for a few days but i‘m probably (most likely) just paranoid. also idk if i should cancel my driving lesson which is friday (one day after my jab)(is the word jab a british thing? my (british) grandparents keep saying jab)

Uni has been a bit boring to be honest shdldhsldh but i guess boring is better than hard? not much to talk about theresjdkdkd

Snsnsjsh well i hope you‘re doing well otherwise and i know you‘ll slay your performance and the singing thing will be over soo quick so yeah. you can always come to my inbox (even with non love letters (tbh i thought i‘d changed that to just say letter box dudlfhdkdk)) 💘💘💘💘 love youuuuuu