#also a lot of you who have a lot of shit to say about the legend of korra

[threeacttragedy]

Entry 13: The One Where the Ashes Blew Towards Us with the Salt Wind from the Sea

“Last night I dreamt I went to Manderley again.”

Ah, yes, that ominous opening line from Daphne du Maurier’s novel, “Rebecca.” Have you ever read it? It’s an old book – from 1938, in fact! – but it’s truly a remarkable story, especially for its time. It’s not often you find yourself rooting for the murderer.

Lately, I have found myself becoming more and more frustrated with the fandom. And, no, my annoyance is not from the Sincerely Ignorant teetering on and off the boat every time someone takes a dump on the deck of the USS Lukola – I’m pretty fucking used to that shit – and, honestly, many of our dear Sincerely Ignorant seem to be gaining their sea legs. It’s the Conscientiously Stupid that have struck a chord with me – a disturbing, dissonant chord that leaves me questioning the average level of human intelligence.

My issue with the Conscientiously Stupid is that they push narratives that, when taken collectively, make no goddamn sense. Thanks to The-One-That-Lurks-in-a-Play-Misty-For-Me-Heaping-Pile-of-Discordant-Garbage, I have had the [dis]pleasure of learning about Nicola- and Luke-Adjacent theories. Did you know that the small scrap of green blanket Nicola was sitting on in her August 11 “Drink Your Milk” picture proved that the picture was meant for Jake? You know the guy that, at that point in Fandom History, most people had no clue even existed? I mean, that makes a lot more sense than linking the “Drink Your Milk” shirt Nicola was showcasing to the one Luke was seen wearing on June 22. Now, I’m not saying the shirt belonged to Luke, but if we’re comparing apples to apples, which one of these theories seems more plausible to you?

At this point, you have probably started to realize I enjoy weaving in and out of storytelling mode, mixing fact with theory and speculation. Today, I decided to take a classic novel – surely you didn’t think I made that reference to “Rebecca” for nothing – and loosely intertwine it with some Conscientiously Stupid adjacent theories. This is all in good fun and, like usual, mostly for my own dark humor.

I should probably begin by introducing our book characters. Honestly, you can probably guess which of our shipmates I have assigned to each role fairly quickly.

First, we have our Unnamed Narrator. Seriously, her first name is never revealed.

Second, we have Mrs. Danvers, the obsessive, borderline psychotic housekeeper.

Third, we have Maxim de Winter, our Narrator’s husband.

Fourth, we have Jack Favell, the dodgy and unlikeable cousin.

Lastly, we have our titular character, that darling creature Rebecca.

Now, let’s see who is on the playbill.

ANTONIA AS MRS. DANVERS

It pained me just a little to give the role of Mrs. Danvers to Antonia, primarily because Mrs. Danvers is such a complex character and I’ve always found Antonia to be rather simple. And, no, I’m not insinuating Antonia is simple-minded; I am saying it was never difficult to see through her bullshit (i.e., the phrase, “patterns are patterning,” didn’t come out of thin air). It helped that Mrs. Danvers is one of the main antagonists in the book and almost certainly the GOAT at trolling the heroine of “Rebecca.” I mean, the second Mrs. de Winter didn’t stand a chance with Danny lurking in the background.

The general narrative in Lukola Lore is that Antonia is an online troll. I’ve never been sure as to who her primary target was – Nicola or the Lukola fandom. I tend to believe it originated as Nicola and the Lukola fandom was simply collateral damage. I also cannot say for fact that Antonia was trolling anyone, but I can confirm that the general belief within the fandom that Antonia was trolling is well-documented on social media. For today’s story, we are going to assume the narrative that Antonia was trolling both Nicola and the Lukola fandom. We are also going to assume the USS Lutonia (because I have no fucking clue what the Luke-Antonia ship is called!) was real. Don’t get your feathers fluffed over this. This belief does exist – and it’s why Antonia has been able to fuck with the Lukolas as long as she has – but I promise I have every intention of peppering the side of this ship with holes.

Okay, let’s tow the USS Lutonia out to sea. Don’t forget your Dramamine!

We are living under the umbrella that Luke and Antonia were dating during the World Tour. Poor Antonia was forced into hiding by – who the fuck knows but let’s keep rolling with this narrative – and she wasn’t allowed to be openly seen with Luke or post anything on her social media with Luke. And, Luke mirrored this behavior and made an effort to keep Antonia out of the spotlight (in fact, at the New York City premiere, the average viewer wouldn’t have known Antonia was anything more than Luke’s “friend of a friend”). Antonia, annoyed with this lack of engagement (and, almost certainly fed up with, at a minimum, fans shipping Luke with Nicola), started the pattern of posting pictures of herself and tagging her location as places the fandom knew Luke had recently been. Luke, for his part, made no effort to acknowledge his relationship with Antonia. Instead, he continued his flirtatious relationship with Nicola. After the London premiere, the Lukolas put a target smack dab in the middle of Antonia’s back and blamed her for setting up Papsmear for her own benefit. Luke still made no effort to acknowledge his relationship with Antonia or protect her from the abundance of online hate she received. In fact, he posted his “I will not let [Cressida] ruin our night” story to Instagram instead (see my “Entry 1 – The One About That Weird Ass Cressida Post” if you’re confused by this comment). During post-Papsmear events, Luke did not list her as a plus one and he didn’t like any pictures of Antonia that were not on her grid. In fact, the only evidence directly linking Luke to Antonia were leaked and/or since-deleted pictures and videos not released by Luke. Throughout the summer, Antonia continued her efforts to place herself in proximity to Luke via tagged or easily recognizable locations. Oddly, many of Antonia’s posts seemed to occur shortly after Nicola posted or before/after DeuxMoi posted pap pictures, which gave birth to the “Antonia is trolling” subplot. Still, Luke made no effort to acknowledge his relationship with Antonia. On July 30, Luke was papped with Antonia and his friend group in Sorrento (see my “Entry 11 – The One About the Heart of the Ocean” if you want my opinion about that excursion). This was the last time Luke and Antonia were publicly photographed together. Once Luke returned to London on August 2, Antonia continued her campaign of insinuating she was in the same location as Luke, with the most recent being the Italian restaurant in Rome (which the restauranteur debunked, in my opinion). Again, Luke and Antonia have not been photographed together since July 30. To date, Luke has made no effort to acknowledge his relationship with Antonia, and the only visible interaction by Luke are his likes on Antonia’s semi-monthly Instagram grid posts, which seem obligatory at this point. For the month of November, there was no interaction between Luke and Antonia because Antonia did not post to her grid (gasp!).

Now, for all the Lutonia’s out there, explain to me why this kind of relationship is acceptable to you. Seriously, explain it to me.

Convince me that Luke didn’t shutter Antonia from the moment the USS Lukola schematics were presented to the engineers.

Convince me that Antonia is the kind of woman who would happily accept Luke’s blatant dismissal of her existence while he globe-trotted around the world with a woman he was being openly shipped with by fans, the press, and Bridgerton mates.

Convince me that Luke’s behavior towards Antonia doesn’t make him the worst boyfriend on the planet.

Convince me that Antonia’s online behavior towards Nicola and the Lukola fandom during and after the World Tour doesn’t make her a troll.

Convince me that Luke and Antonia are the definition of “true love.” Actually, before you do that, convince me that Luke and Antonia are currently dating.

Or, maybe you’ve realized that any effort to try to convince me would be a waste of your time because you, too, are starting to find this entire narrative unacceptable. It equates Antonia to someone who doesn’t mind being boxed into a corner and forced to claw her way out, and it likens Luke to an overbearing womanizer who doesn’t give two flips about how online hate may be affecting his partner. I mean, we may as well dump these two into an entirely different book called “The Handmaid’s Tale.”

I didn’t assign the role of Mrs. Danvers to Antonia because I thought Antonia was a feeble coward without her own voice. And, no, I didn’t give her the role because Mrs. Danvers is an obsessive psychopath. I gave Antonia the role of Mrs. Danvers because the fandom handed her the power to influence this narrative on a silver platter, just like the Narrator in “Rebecca” allowed herself to be manipulated by Mrs. Danvers. Moving forward, when you see Antonia with a lit match, all you need to do is lean over and blow it out. Poof! And, she’s gone. Seriously, if you see our version of Mrs. Danvers with anything that might light a fire, take it away from her!

Surely someone out there gets my joke…

LUKE AS MAXIM DE WINTER

Of course, Luke is Maxim de Winter, the outwardly charismatic, but recently widowed anti-hero who caught the affection of our Unnamed Narrator. I mean, he’s a good guy, right? Uhh, yeah, sure… Who doesn’t want to be married to a brooding chauvinist who is outwardly obsessed with the titular character? Wait a minute, that doesn’t sound like Luke at all! Oh, no, actually it does – if you believe the USS Lutonia is real!

For Luke, we are going to assume the same narrative as above – that the USS Lutonia is real, that Antonia trolled Nicola and the Lukola fandom, and that Luke refused to acknowledge his relationship with Antonia. Besides the obvious “Luke is the shittiest fucking boyfriend in the universe,” I have a few other gripes with the USS Lutonia.

Initially, I understood the concept of “keeping Antonia in the dark,” after all I try to be logical when I process information. It was always possible Luke and Nicola were rocking some great PR in the beginning of the World Tour, and that was the only thing they were rocking. In fact, that’s what I initially believed Nicola was doing – being cute but also professional in her interactions with Luke during those early press junkets. Luke, on the other hand, always seemed to wear his heart on his sleeve. Once they hit Australia, it seemed obvious to me that something had changed (go back and read my “Entry 12 – The One Where We Start Laying the Yellow Brick Road to Italy” for a briefing on this). The more I watched Luke and Nicola interact on the World Tour, the more I became convinced Antonia must have been a thing of the past (or possibly nothing) for Luke – until Antonia showed up at Papsmear. At that point, I fully expected Luke to just own up to her. Like, give up on trying to hide Antonia from public view. But, then he pulled that goddamn “Cressida” post (seriously, if you have not read my first entry to this blog, go back and read it!). When you look at the World Tour and subsequent Hot Boy Summer, and the behaviors that were – and were not – on display during that timeframe, you start to develop a completely different view of the USS Lutonia. I mean, I’m not even sure that ship ever left the planning room!

One of the most glaring cosmetic flaws with the USS Lutonia is why “nice guy” Luke would treat Antonia with such indifference if he loved her. When asked who was most like their Bridgerton character, everyone always answered Luke. That he was the kindest, most genuine person. If that’s true, then why did Luke treat his “girlfriend,” Antonia, like she didn’t exist? Again, convince me that Luke’s Public Display of Apathy towards Antonia made him a great boyfriend. Even if Luke was a private person, one would think that after someone he cared about received as much hate as Antonia did after Papsmear, he would have stepped up and taken control of the narrative. He didn’t hesitate to clear up the “cake eating” picture from his September 7 Instagram post (about Nicola), and that “Cressida” post will live rent-free in my mind forever. The only “logical” explanation I can come up with for “nice guy” Luke to shutter Antonia right from the jump is that Antonia is not, and was not, a significant person in his life. That, or he really is a shithead, and he has a team of people lying about what a great guy he is.

We also need to consider Nicola’s interactions with Antonia. First, Nicola has never followed Antonia and Antonia has never followed Nicola, at least not on her public account. But, Nicola followed – and still follows – Luke’s ex, Jade. Now, typically, I’d just be like, “Meh,” on something like this. But, after Papsmear, Nicola could have very easily played the “Diplomat Barbie” and given Antonia a follow on Instagram. But, she didn’t, which signals to me that Nicola wasn’t touching Antonia with an invisible 10-foot pole. Second, if you watch the back-and-forth between Nicola and Antonia on social media – in black and white, pen on paper – you’ll see Nicola playing the cat-and-mouse game right along with Antonia (Nicola just played it a helluva lot better). It even appears Nicola sicced her – what my father calls JVN – “assassin” on Antonia starting around July 20 or, at the very least, she condoned JVN teasing Antonia. If everything was great between Luke and Antonia – and Luke was genuinely happy with Antonia – why would Luke put up with the back-and-forth on social media between Antonia, Nicola, and JVN? Oh, that’s right, because Luke is the corrupt captain of the USS Lutonia.  Seriously, if all was well between Luke and Antonia at this point in the timeline, then you’d have to surmise that all was not well between Luke and Nicola. We will get to that in a moment. Right now, aboard the USS Lutonia, Luke is just a lousy boyfriend.

Lastly – and what has always left me scratching my head – why would Luke allow Antonia to troll his fandom? Why allow Antonia to make insinuations online that they’re together but never come to her rescue when the fandom starts flinging shit at her? In my opinion, the InStyle copycat pictures (go read my last blog entry…) were just Antonia getting her feet wet. Why continue to put up with Antonia after allegations began flying that she arranged Papsmear and the Italy pap pictures? I suppose the answer most Lutonias would give is, “Because they’re in love.” With everything I have outlined in this entry, do you honestly get the “in love” vibe from those two? Because I don’t.

Now, why did I draw parallels between Luke and the book character, Maxim? It’s not because I believe Luke to be a male chauvinist so wrapped up in his own drama that he ignores those around him. The USS Lutonia will definitely paint that impression, though! It’s because Maxim’s demeanor was superficial. What the Unnamed Narrator believed was true about her husband was not actually true. And, that’s how I view the USS Lutonia – Luke’s behavior and the narrative surrounding this ship does not match the logic.

JAKE AS JACK FAVELL

Sorry, Jake, you get to be the icky Jack Favell. Yeah, that manipulative, blackmailing creep sleeping with his own cousin! But, hey, that subplot isn’t any more disturbing than Jake being shipped with Nicola, is it?

Alright, let’s jump on board the USS Jakola but not before I preface this section with my father’s flabbergasted words: “This ship is on the bottom of the ocean. These people must have oxygen masks. They’re down there with Jules Verne. This just doesn’t make sense.” No, it really doesn’t make sense but, because I’m here to tell a story, I will begrudgingly dive into the USS Jakola narrative. And, by “dive,” I mean plunge to the bottom of the ocean because that’s where this ship rests.

Just like we did with the USS Lutonia, we are going to assume the USS Jakola is real. The Jakolas believe that Nicola has been seeing Jake since, I guess, the Renegade Nell premiere on or about March 26, 2024. Although, the last I checked Eamon Farren was also at that premiere holding an umbrella for Nicola. I am not confirming Nicola was ever dating Eamon; I am simply saying he was present at the event and holding a fucking umbrella for her. You can make up your own mind about Eamon’s role in Nicola’s life. Regardless, it must have been an instant connection between Nicola and Jake because, if the Jakola narrative is to be believed, they began secretly dating after that. The Jakolas will argue that all the songs Nicola posted to her Instagram stories were for Jake. The Claddagh ring has no traditional meaning when Nicola wears it, and Chaos Week was also for Jake (and a “fuck you” to Luke). The Lukola-coded fan fiction was a “fuck you” to the Lukola fandom (see my “Entry 10 – The One About the Audibly Loud Lukola FanFic”). And, Jake and Nicola are in love and have hard launched their relationship because (a) Jake has been seen wearing Nicola’s bucket hat, (b) they have been seen in public together, and (c) they occasionally hold hands.

I’m not going to lie – for the longest time I didn’t pay any attention to the USS Jakola because it was such an incredibly absurd concept to me. A few weeks back, I posted to my Tumblr account a music video that Jake had done in early 2023. The song is called “Mixed Emotions” by You Me at Six, and the article that came out with the video on February 7th, 2023 stated, “With Jake Dunn who played the protagonist in the video who is actually a friend of mine, we actually spoke a lot about toxic masculinity and his experiences within his sexuality and the impacts it has had on his relationship with his dad.” It honestly never occurred to me the USS Jakola actually had passengers on board until October when the Jakholes went bananas over Nicola holding Jake’s hand. In my opinion – and you do not have to agree with me – the music video speaks for itself as does Jake’s social media presence, whether it be on his own pages or on those of his friend group. I’m sure I’ll get some Jakholes in here crying that we shouldn’t speculate on Jake’s sexuality, but the reality is the only people speculating on Jake’s sexuality are the Jakolas trying to discern whether he’s heterosexual. But, why doesn’t he just come out and say it? I get this question all the time. The answer is quite simple – he doesn’t need to. Jake never buried this part of his life; it’s other people burying it for him. Do you need to blast your sexual preferences out into the universe? I didn’t think so.

For shits and giggles – because that’s what I’m here for – let’s keep going with the story that Nicola and Jake are hot and heavy with each other. I’ll play center field and say Jake is a switch hitter. Happy now? If Jakola is real, then why would Nicola lay all those Lukola-coded breadcrumbs? And, NO, I am not explaining every crumb she’s dumped online. This post is already too damn long. But, Dear Jakolas, don’t tell me those coordinated airplane pictures didn’t have you crying into your pillows. Seriously, though, why would Nicola fuck with the Lukola fandom? I’ve mentioned in previous posts that Polin and Lukola have even been blurred by Netflix & Co. at this point. What would be the point of dragging the Lukolas along only to find out it was Nicola just fucking around? That makes about as much sense as “nice guy” Luke being the shittiest boyfriend on the planet. Again, the narrative does not fit the logic – although you’re welcome to try to convince me that Jakola is real.

For starters, convince me as to why Nicola is Jake’s “type” and not Luke’s. I am not being factitious. I seriously want to know why she’s acceptable for Jake but not Luke. And, if you’re going to tell me it’s because Luke likes brunettes, you better bring me some evidence that Jake likes blonde women.

Convince me that the Claddagh ring has no traditional significance to Nicola and that Jake would be okay with Nicola wearing that Claddagh ring – the one she had made in honor of Bridgerton Season 3, the season she shared with the man that fills her Instagram grid and tags and is the other half of Lukola. If you’re stuck on the significance of this ring, go read “Entry 6 – The One Where I Explained the Claddagh Ring to My Dad.”

Convince me that Nicola and Jake are a couple. And, if you’re going to mention handholding, then convince me that Nicola is not in a relationship with Mark, JVN, Jack R., Golda, Hannah D., Dylan L., or Luke. Oh, and is it true Jake is now dating Ellie Bamber? Convince me he’s not…

Any ways, good luck, babe, trying to sway me into believing Jakola is the real deal because I have a feeling your efforts are going to make your face become as flushed as Jack Favell’s when he was caught with his hand in the till.

NICOLA AS REBECCA

Surely you didn’t think Nicola was going to be the heroine of this story! If you believe the USS Lutonia and USS Jakola are smoothly sailing across the ocean blue, then the only role Nicola could reasonably play is that of the story’s villain – Rebecca. Yes, Rebecca was a bad, bad girl. She was manipulative and intentionally cruel; a Bitch with a capital “B.” She haunted poor Maxim and controlled Mrs. Danvers and Jack like a master puppeteer. She also tortured the Unnamed Narrator from her watery grave.

Seriously, though, let’s turn the tables. Let’s pretend Lutonia and Jakola are real. Starting, say, April 29, Nicola started trolling Antonia by dropping Luke-coded material online and really started ramping up those doe-eyed looks in Luke’s direction. Remember all that cute BTS? Perfectly timed to make it look like Antonia was trolling her when in reality Nicola was trolling Antonia! Unbeknownst to Luke, Nicola commissioned that Claddagh ring and started wearing it to make it look like she was in a relationship with Luke. She even organized a side jaunt over to Galway to introduce Luke to – surprise! – her mother! But, after being rejected by Luke – because he really is in love with Antonia (the USS Lutonia is blasting its horn right about now) – Nicola – YES, Nicola! – set up Papsmear to ruin Luke. I mean, if he wasn’t going to be her boyfriend, he sure as shit wasn’t going to be anyone else’s! All summer Nicola waited for Luke, but he’d gone into hiding, scared to surface because Nicola might find him! After growing tired of waiting for Luke, Nicola got her assassin, JVN, to start trolling Antonia online, that way Nicola could put all her efforts into finding and trolling Luke. She set up Chaos Week. She trolled him on the airplane. But, she needed help (after all she had so many other events and awards shows this summer) so she enlisted her unwitting accomplice, Jake! Jake helped her set up that Lukola FanFic to remind Luke of what could have been. But, nothing was working so Nicola upped the ante and volunteered Jake to be her confused boyfriend. “Luke…Luke…” I can still hear her desperate cries being carried like ashes in the wind…

SEE!  I can do it, too – make up total bullshit to fit whatever narrative I please!!!

Yeah, yeah, maybe I went a bit too far (I warned you I had a dark sense of humor) but, honestly, I believe the only way the USS Lutonia and USS Jakola could stay afloat is if Nicola is the villain. She doesn’t even have to be a super villain. She just needs to be disingenuous enough to alienate Luke, terrorize Antonia, manipulate Jake, and mislead an entire fandom. Lucky for her, I don’t believe Nicola to be a real-life Rebecca. If you need an explanation as to why, then you didn't watch the same World Tour as me and you’re clearly on the wrong side of the fandom.

In truth, I believe the real villain to be…

YOU AS THE UNNAMED NARRATOR

Now, now, calm down. I’m not calling you out – at least not individually. I’m calling all of us out.

We as a fandom are the Unnamed Narrators of Lukola, Jakola, and Lutonia. We built these ships, and we control whether they stay afloat.

We took the narrative out of Luke and Nicola’s hands the moment we launched the USS Lutonia. Then we had to go and build the USS Jakola – I guess, because we were bored. No matter how hard Luke and Nicola try to pull the narrative back under their control, we allow side characters to feed us their side of the story! We fill our bellies with their nonsense and then vomit it all over the deck of the USS Lukola.

Seriously, we are the villains in this story. And, collectively, we are one bloody powerful super villain, aren’t we?

We control the narrative. So, if there’s a narrative you don’t agree with – for example, one that doesn’t make sense to you – stop being Conscientiously Stupid and feeding into it.

Remember what I said earlier? If you see Mrs. Danvers with a lit match, blow that fucker out! Otherwise, you’re going to let that bitch burn down the whole goddamn house.

[nonotnolan]

Bodily Betrayal

A collaboration with @vincentintheflesh -- He did amazing work with the photos for this piece!

"C'mon, Toby. You really aren't coming out to the bars with us?"  Matt was trying to guilt trip me for not going out on a Tuesday, and I was really starting to get sick of his shit.  Sharing an apartment with another gay guy had seemed like a really good idea at the start of the semester, but we weren't even halfway through the year and I was already regretting it.  It was fun to hang out with a party animal like Matt, but dealing with his antics 24/7 was exhausting.

"Look, I have, like... three different projects due by Friday, and if I want to keep my gym schedule I can't waste time partying or recovering from the hangover.  Maybe this weekend I can... the hell are you doing?"  Matt was patting my shoulder like he was showing me sympathy.

"You poor thing," he said, staring directly at my chest.  "He spends all that time at the gym pumping you up, and then he never does anything to show you off!  Who buys a sports car and keeps it stashed in a garage?"

I couldn't help but roll my eyes.  "You're seriously having a conversation with my body.  Stop being weird and... wait, what the fuck is happening?"  I couldn't feel my body anymore. My hands lifted themselves up to my ears, only I wasn't the one controlling my hands.  All I could do was watch as my hands planted themselves firmly onto the sides of my head, and pulled.  My head had somehow completely detached from my body!  "Matt, what the fuck did you do!?"

He just grinned at my body. "Hell yeah!  Let's ditch Toby, and I'll take you out for a great time."  My body tossed me-- my head-- onto the couch, where I landed sideways onto the cushions.  All I could do was watch in horror as Matt lifted off his own head off of his slender, tattooed body and placed it on my neck.  "Thanks for the ride, Toby! Why you don't take more advantage of this body, I'll never know."  He started groping my chest as he moaned softly to himself, and I could see my body's growing erection strain against the fabric of my shorts.

"I mean, I gotta check out what I'm packing prior to using it tonight, right?"  I tried to protest, but I was helpless to stop him from fondling my manhood.  "Damn, Toby, this is gotta be at least seven inches!" he said, stroking my own cock in front of me.  "I can't wait to pick up some twink at the bars tonight so I can test this bad boy out! I'm gonna hit up your closet and borrow one of your nice silk shirts.  Don't wait up!"

Unbelievable.  The thought of that asshole taking my body out for a joyride and getting my dick wet had me seeing red, but what could I do about it?  I was just a fucking head.  He didn't even have the decency to tilt me upright before he left.  Although... Matt did leave his body behind...  If Matt could talk to my body like it was a separate thing, maybe the reverse was also true? 

"Hey, buddy," I said, trying to get the attention of his body.  "What say we help each other out?  How about you put me on you neck and-- hey, don't walk away, asshat!"  God, even Matt's body was insufferable.  "C'mon, man, I can... what if I let you use my mouth?"  It felt gross, like I was trying to negotiate with a drunken asshole, but at least his body had turned around. I would do anything to avoid being stuck as just a head on the couch all night.  "Yeah, man. Use my mouth.  You want me to suck your nips?  Maybe give you a blowjob?  I'll even make sure to throw in a good wank session later tonight.  Just don't leave me on the couch!"

Matt's body dropped his pants to the ground and started thrusting his junk into my face.  I wanted to be mad, but I realized that he couldn't actually see what he was doing. I opened my mouth as wide as I could, and eventually his body figured out where to position me so that I could give him the best blowjob. Without my shoulders getting in the way, he was able to position me a lot closer to the base of his cock. I didn't have much of a gag reflex as a detached head, which was good because I don't think Matt's body would have stopped. At least he wiped my chin off on his sweatpants after he came.

"Okay, you had some fun, so now can you-- oh thank God!" Matt's body lowered me down onto his neck, and suddenly I had control over his entire body. Honestly, my first reaction was just relief that I had arms again, but the longer I stood there, the weirder it got. Looking down and seeing Matt's tattoo sleeves was trippy as shit, and his body barely had any muscle definition. Credit where credit was due, his skin was much softer than mine. The man was lanky as hell, but I couldn't deny that he took care of himself in his own way.

I looked at my temporary body in the living room mirror, testing the firmness of my new ass with a few squeezes. I had a sudden impulse to try and protect what remained of Matt's modesty, but fuck that. For one, I'd already had his dick in my mouth thanks to how horny his body had been. But mostly it came down the fact that Matt clearly had no qualms about getting my body naked as soon as he could, so I might as well repay the favor. I pulled down the waistband of his sweatpants to see an average five inches of uncut cock. Perfectly serviceable, but it explained why he was so enamored with mine.

Was Matt's body going to get bored with me and pull off my head the same way my own body had? I didn't want to risk it. I decided to talk out loud as I looked at my new body in the mirror. "Don't worry, you tattooed fuck, we'll definitely spend some time messing around. I can't exactly wear someone else's body and not test it out! Especially when I know that fucker's doing the same to mine. I bet he-- oh, fuck!" My fingers brushed over my nipples and I could feel that shiver travel down through the root of my cock. "Is it ready for round two already?" I gave my stiffening cock a few tugs. God damn that felt good!

Was his body that much more sensitive than mine, or were the new sensations just more intense for me? I brushed the head of my new cock and damn near collapsed to the floor when my knees buckled. "I don't care why it feels good, it's enough that it does!" I started stroking it with one hand while my other hand pinched my nipples. Did I know where Matt kept his lube? Honestly, his dick was leaking enough precum that I didn't need it. 

Normally I would have found the thought of jacking off in front of a mirror to be a total boner kill, but seeing my head on Matt's slender body was actually kind of hot. I started picking up speed, jerking it faster and harder until suddenly my hand shot off and slammed into the mirror.  "Ow, fuck," I yelled, cursing Matt's boney wrists.  "How the hell did I lose grip on his... oh."  I hadn't lost my grip-- his cock had completely detached from his body.  I couldn't help but laugh as I considered all of the possibilities.  Obviously I was going to be giving myself a blowjob, but I had a few other ideas in mind.

-------------------------------------

"Hey Toby, sorry for leaving your head on the couch all night," Matt said, finally coming up at 8:50 in the morning. He hadn't even bothered to get fully dressed after spending the night doing God knows what in my body. I assumed he left my good shirt in the car-- If he lost it to some random guy's apartment, I was going to be so pissed. If I was starting to feel a bit guilty about my plan, this just confirmed my resolve to go through with it.

I didn't want Matt to get suspicious, so I had his body put me back on the couch after I'd had my fun last night.  "You missed a good time last night," he said, rubbing his hands across my abs. "I met this absolute power bottom of a twink, and we... well, you and I both know exactly what the two of us did all night. I made sure to use a condom, don't worry.  Anyway, it's time to switch back."  He grabbed the top of his head firmly by the hair and yanked hard, pulling it off of my neck. Seeing him walk across the room like a headless horseman was unsettling, to say the least.

"I'm surprised you're giving my body back to me so soon," I said, glaring at him as he passed his head over to his body's outstretched hands.  Once his head was back in place, he reached down to deal with me.  I wanted so badly to slap the smug grin off his face, but I just needed to be patient.

He laughed at me, giving my nose a few honks before giving me my body back.  "Sadly, I think people would notice if my shoulders were suddenly twice the size as my old ones.  Besides, I know exactly how much time you spend in the gym to have a body this nice.  Nuts to that-- I'll just let you do the work for me!" I couldn't help but growl at that comment, and he responded by flicking my ear. "Easy, now. You can yell at me later-- I don't want to be late for class."

Once my head was back in place, I couldn't help but grab my pecs with both hands. I had missed this.  Feeling the massive slabs of meat under my fingers was so comforting.  I gave my pits a few quick sniffs.  I probably needed a shower after everything Matt had done in my body, but a quick spritz of cologne would have to do.  He was right-- we didn't have much time before class.

I looked over at him to see if he had noticed my revenge yet.  Based on the way he was palming his crotch, I think he had.  "Toby, where the fuck is my cock!?"  I had hidden his manhood in my sock drawer, not that I was gonna be telling him that anytime soon.  The fucker owed me.  Twelve hours of being dickless seemed like a good start.

I smiled back at him.  "You can yell at me later-- I don't want to be late for class."

[dragonanon]

Shameless Satan x Reader headcanons because I am a whore- 😩

- As much as everyone would probably assume he’s into “meek wittle UwU princesses” he can dominate with ease, Satan in fact prefers a little spitfire who won’t hesitate to fight back

- You won’t just lay down and take his BS, and it’s part of what drew him to you to begin with. He was probably raging about some stupid shit in the courtroom, and you (probably a desk clerk or something there at the time) got sick of it and yelled back at him “Oh stfu you big red fucker!” And he was so taken aback that someone had the balls to yell back at him that he was left speechless and mildly aroused

- Calls you things like “little flame”, “spitfire”, “dove”, and his “treasure”

- Knows that the sheer size difference between you two flusters you to no end, and he’s a goddamn menace about it. Making short jokes, holding things out of reach, and randomly picking you up just so he can hear you squeak in surprise. Getting cursed out by you is worth it so long as he gets to see that precious look on your face

- Aside from Yogirt, you’re really the only one who can get Satan to calm down when he’s angry and you have a much easier time doing so than Yogirt does. All you have to do is scratch his chin and croon at him, and the big bastard just melts into your touch

- Purrs SO GODDAMN LOUD but insists that he doesn’t. The lying bastard, he sounds like a tractor engine on steroids. He gets SUPER pissy if anyone besides you comments on it

- SO fucking full of himself, mans REALLY thinks he’s above Lucifer and deserves to be regarded as such smh. Your love and affection only further strokes his overinflated ego, as does any compliments and praise you give him. Mf actually grows BIGGER in multiple ways lol the more his ego is stroked

- This man is a cowboy/rancher and I will take NO criticism because I’m right. He’s got THOUSANDS of cows, and lots of horses too

- When he’s not in the courtroom, he’s working on his ranch. Probably has hundreds, if not thousands, of Demons he employs as farm hands to help with all the work, but there are some things only he can do and TBH he likes the physical activity of the work and it’s a free show for you lol

- He gave you a little chicken coop so you can keep a little flock of chickens. You LOVE your chickens, and your personal fav is a tiny rooster you named “Marshmallow”, and he looks like a more demonic version of this lol

- Says he’s not jealous of Marshmallow, but he TOTALLY is. He gets all pouty and grumbly when you pick up the tiny rooster and coo over him, because dammit you should be cuddling and cooing over HIM! Not that stupid bird!

- Has a big, fancy, mansion on his ranch that he lives in with you. In true dragon fashion, he unironically sleeps on a mountain of gold and other treasures lol. How he doesn’t have back pain is a mystery, but you get to sleep on his tiddies so you have no complaints lol

- Runs SO fucking hot! You’ll never need to pay for heating again, let alone HAVE an actual heating system, because this mf puts out heat like an industrial incinerator. It’s FANTASTIC during the winter because he’s so warm you can just cozy up to him and be in bliss, but in the summer it’s fucking agony and you can’t escape it because he gets upsetti spaghetti if you don’t sleep and cuddle with him

- Would prefer you to NOT be in the courtroom with him. He says it’s because you distract him, but in reality it’s because he doesn’t want you to have to see him explode with rage and live up to his title as the embodiment of wrath. He actually tries REALLY hard to keep that part of himself away from you, because even though he’ll die before ever admitting it, a TINY part of him is terrified that he’ll end up hurting you during one of his outbursts

- If for some reason you HAVE to be there, he has a special little balcony set up for you that’s not only a safe distance away from any potential danger, but ALSO has a magic force field protecting it (that part is a secret tho because if you knew about it, you’d yell at him for thinking you’re weak enough to need protection lmfao)

- If anyone so much as blinks at you wrong, he beats the shit out of them. The ONLY reason he doesn’t kill them is because he knows you’ll yell at him like “Dammit Satan, again?! I can’t go anywhere with you!”

- Yogirt 100% uses his love for you to get him to chill. “I know you’re feeling some pretty big feelings right now, but think of (Y/N)~ She loves you and would be so sad to see you this angry~”

- It’s funny because he and Satan both know damn well that you wouldn’t be sad, rather you’d be yelling at him to knock that shit off lmao

- The entire courtroom once got to hear you sit him the fuck down because he got a little TOO spicy in the courtroom one day, and didn’t believe Yogirt he he not-so-subtly threatened to call you. Sure enough, he pulled out his phone and called you on speaker phone, and everyone got to spend 30 minutes listening to you rip this mf a new one while the mighty king of wrath sat there like a sad puppy and occasionally mumbling something like “I know…I’m sorry treasure, I’ll do better.” (No one is allowed to comment on it or else he’ll get VERY angry about it. Plenty of memes have been made about it tho much to his chagrin)

[hereonlytofeedwormsinmybrain]

Gonna do it for myself just because

It's okay, altough very conditional

My best friend probably. I genuinely love her so much.

Yes and no, but it's somewhat pointless to dwell about. I'm making some small steps to do stuff I'd do differently back then.

Yeah

Single, never been in a relationship beside friendship and I kinda feel I've missed my window for first one. I'm okay with it tho, probably on a aroace spectrum

I feel like I'm gonna age as an old person. I would like to die with clear mind and self sufficient body.

Peach yoghurt with granola

Not really, I started enjoying sports only few years ago, but I'm still insecure about my skills and body. Want to get into boxing next year.

Not anymore

I've never had any physical fight

I like a lot of people, no one romantically so

Yeah, I studied at an art school and have ADHD, so

No actually

Terribly.

Not now. I love pets, but more in an uncle/aunt way. I'm allergic, very sensory sensitive, and leading somewhat chaotic life.

Neutral. I'm procrrastinating updating my CV, so a little bit worried about that

Never made out with anyone, so no

No, I like them, but in the place I live in they are really small and chill, big one stress me a little bit. Not fear tho, and I like cohabitating with them

I was thinking about it lately, when feverish! And: maybe? I would do a lot of things differently if I could go back like eight years, when I was starting my final year of high school. Very different decisions. Would take better care of myself and wouldn't spiral into this years long depressive/burnout episode. Like I said before, I'm trying to do some stuff I should've done before

blank answer

Uhhhhh I have school so probably deal with interior design and graphic programs

I don't want to bring people, either as a birthing parent nor. not sure how to say it? other parent who also made decision? But I would like to adopt one day, if I have this option, preferably older or teenaged kid. Not building my life toward this moment tho

One, cause the other in other ear closed up. I want one in each nostril, but now I'm dealing with allergies and shit so yeah

As in what?

Terribly. Also, kinda repeating question

Nothing really

Don't think so, but I'm also very oblivious. Maybe platonically.

Nope

blank answer

this guy who is guest in my flat rn, really annoying and don't understand "no" in more annoying way, not creepy way. He's leaving tmr morning

My friends, at least my best friend

I like colors in general so baby blue and hues of red maybe

Yeah

Don't remember

Uhhhhhh my therapist probably? I'm not a big crier

Nope, in fact, I'm too fast to cut people off. Working on it too. Only person who got a shitton on chances was my sister up to the moment she broke my heart. We haven't really talked in like. two and half years

Forget

Not really, 2023 was way better, but it was a decent year for sure

Not sure if it counts, cause I've never had kiss with person i actually wanted to kiss, but kissed some friends when I was uhhhh 22?

Nope. Fuckup with question numbers?

I like cooking in general and do it well, but my comfort food I do always when too tired to do anything else is spaghetti pasta with tomato sauce, since I was a little kid

Yes and not, more like life is this huge choices tree, so like every time you make some choice, new options appears. Logical to me

Read some fanfic

Depends on definition of cheating and relationship, but I do believe cheating as in breaking trust of other person who loves you on deep and intimate level is always wrong.

I think I'm more cruel than mean? And often people read me as mean, this the life of autistic person. I feel my core is just leyers and leyers of kind and cruel

No one???? Are you guys okay

Once again, what's definition? But I'm more into bell hooks understanding of love, as set of action rather than feeling, so how do you define realness in this definition

Big summer storm with lightnings and thunder, that brings coolness after warm and lazy day

Yes, a lot! There's not a lot of it nowadays, but I like it a lot when happens

I see marriage more as a buisness/legal thing, but if I'm ever in a long term realtionship, I probably would like one. Illegal for me in my country atm

When a girl or nb person does it. It shortcuts me a little ngl (hoping for someone who would call me this all the time. Spiritually I'm bottom, would love to check it out irl). When guys try it, even in jokes, I got a violent whiplash

Being in mountain. Spending time with my best friend. Sense of calm after big and dramatic emotions or meltdowns. Playing drums!!!! I have my second lesson tmr :)

Yes, I seriously consider this rn! Anecdote: I was a volounteer and I didn't recognized my name on a timesheet and missed my shift (: But honestly I gotta consider it, feels like a lot. Plus gotta check how my parents feel about it, would hate to get hate crimed and cut off financially. You never know with my parents, look point 1.

Yes, cause I fucking hate her and she's my sister's serious girlfriend rn :)

I'm nb, so it's kinda??? but seeing as I'm read as woman societally and describing myself as a lesbian. Well it would be fucking bad, sorry for that man. My guy friend wouldn't do it to me tho, we all have very sibling/familial realtionship and I draw setup for painting for his new girlfriend so!!!! Cute. As to my girl friend, well, would be awkward cause I really don't want to be her "girl-best friends toxic situationship", not gonna happen tho, she's very straight. If happened, yeah but no, love her but she's not great as romantic partner

(Definitions like in 55) Not complete complete, cause I don't act completely myself to anyone, maybe my best friend? But yeah, we are pretty close with my guy friend

Annoying guest

My best friend

I enjoy the idea of and soulmates in media, but in reality it feels somewhat more tragic and creepy. Not really.

Hmmm. Seeing my past suicidal ideation, I would rather live for someone. And I kinda do, actually :)

70 horrible questions ... Fuck it

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? 02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? 03: Do you regret anything? 04: Are you insecure? 05: What is your relationship status? 06: How do you want to die? 07: What did you last eat? 08: Played any sports? 09: Do you bite your nails? 10: When was your last physical fight? 11: Do you like someone? 12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? 13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? 14: Do you miss someone? 15: Have any pets? 16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? 17: Ever made out in the bathroom? 18: Are you scared of spiders? 19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? 20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? 21: What are your plans for this weekend? 22: Do you want to have kids? How many? 23: Do you have piercings? How many? 24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? 25: Do you miss anyone from your past? 26: What are you craving right now? 27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? 28: Have you ever been cheated on? 29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? 30: What’s irritating you right now? 31: Does somebody love you? 32: What is your favourite color? 33: Do you have trust issues? 34: Who/what was your last dream about? 35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? 36: Do you give out second chances too easily? 37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? 38: Is this year the best year of your life? 39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? 40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? 51: Favourite food? 52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? 53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? 54: Is cheating ever okay? 55: Are you mean? 56: How many people have you fist fought? 57: Do you believe in true love? 58: Favourite weather? 59: Do you like the snow? 60: Do you wanna get married? 61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? 62: What makes you happy? 63: Would you change your name? 64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? 65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? 66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? 67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? 68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? 69: Do you believe in soulmates? 70: Is there anyone you would die for?

[mxtantrights]

Jason todd actually loves the holidays. But he has a hard time letting anyone know that. He's dealt with some tough shit. Death by joker, reincarnation by Ra's.

He didn't think that the holidays would be a thing for him. Why would it be? He has so much blood on his hands. Too much. He tries his best but sometimes it isn't good enough. He's no hero.

"Jay can you pass me the marshmallows?" you ask

He gets out of his thoughts. He reaches for the bag next to him and hands it to you. You thank him and continue on.

You're putting together your famous hot chocolate. He's never had it before. He met you in the early spring. Well he met you in late winter but you two weren't that close.

So as the seasons changed and you went from friends to something a bit more to a fully realized relationship, he found himself here. With you in the middle of winter.

About to try your version of hot chocolate.

It had all the works from what he can tell. He had the grocery list you sent him for the drink. Chocolate syrup, hot chocolate packets, big marshmallows, a bag of mini peppermints, and some of the sweet biscoff cookies.

He watches you work from near the oven, your back turned to him a bit. You pour the hot chocolate over the marshmallows in both cups. Then you swirl the syrup over that.

"Bub, can you break the peppermint for me?" you ask.

Jason, with a big smile on his face, grabs the bag of peppermints. He unravels about ten before you tell him it's more than enough. Then he places them in a ziplock bag. He reaches into the kitchen drawer to his side and pulls out the hammer.

Then he's carefully hacking at the candy. You watch him with a smile on your face. His tongue is peeking out of his mouth a bit from keeping concentration on the task at hand.

"Good?" he asks, then he lifts his head up.

You nod and he hands you the bag. You open it up and try to equally empty it over the two cups. Once the bag is empty you leave it on the counter.

Then you grab both mugs by the handles. You bring them over to Jason on the other side of the kitchen island. He takes the one in your left hand. But he waits for you to take your sip before he takes his.

His eyebrows go up. "Woah."

"Wait wait wait, hold on." you say.

You're quick to open the cookie bag. You hand him a biscoff. He watches as you take one of your own and dip it into the drink. He follows your move. Both of you take a bite of the cookie at the same time.

"Oh my god." he says with his mouth full.

You laugh, "I know. It's pretty great."

"How'd you figure out all of this tasted good together?" he asks.

You finish chewing and then take a sip. You put the mug down.

"My granny who isn't supposed to eat sweets, she told me this is the reason why. She had this every day when she was my age. Got lots of cavities and temporary allergic reaction to peppermint." you explain.

"Oh?"

You snicker, "She still drinks it every Christmas though. Whenever I come over and make it. You can have your second when she comes to visit."

"Introducing me to your granny, huh?" he teases.

You nod, "I plan on locking you down pretty quickly."

Jason smiles, and he doesn't know it but he also blushes. A red tint on his neck and his cheeks. You can't help to laugh at that. He takes another sip of his hot chocolate.

Yeah, he really loves the holidays. He loves you more.

[reignpage]

yesss please tell us everyone’s major 😭 I’ve been trying to figure out tojis

Okie dokie, I'll pair it up with their readers too

Gojo

Economics 3rd year Hates it though Only does it cause his family made him So he can take over the business and shit

Reader

Philosophy 3rd year Really loves it Her favourite is Marxism

Geto

Philosophy dropped out Just ended up pushing him away tbh No one could explain the reality he saw

Reader

Classics 2nd year Loves to read Romantic She loves theatre and greek mythology and latin Always in the library when she's not at work That's how she met Sukuna's reader She was in her first year, all lost and trying to find a book, she ran into Sukuna's reader who was a second year and knew the library like the back of her hand They hit it off

Choso

Art 2nd year Doesn't like to go to lectures and classes though Thinks they're a waste of time lowkey Would rather be painting and sketching

Reader

Art 2nd year Loves it Lives and breathes it Always looks for Choso when they have a shared class/lecture Scolds him every time when he doesn't come in

Toji

Business lol 3rd year He chose it because he didn't know what else to do And it seemed simple enough

Reader

Journalism 3rd year She likes to write Always been a gossip But she's finding it hard to make a career out of it since her works are trivial and silly (that's what she thinks, truth is she suffers from confidence issues)

Nanami

Physics duh 3rd year Just likes how practical it is There are rules and laws It's all about making sense of the world Only science he likes tbh Hates chemistry with a passion

Reader

Also physics duh 3rd year It's surprising to people she meets when she says she studies physics Because they assume she's a bimbo And obviously her general unserious personality and need for tutoring might make you guys think she's not very smart But she is She just can't learn from the way physics is rigidly taught in lectures Hates that they read from the PowerPoints and talk slowly And hates the pretentious way researches write She's very smart guys She's just not focused

Sukuna

Politics and International Relations 3rd year Mostly because of his family But he enjoys it Top student too

Reader

Okay please don't accuse me of self-inserting cause I promise im not 😭 But she's a law student 3rd year IT MAKES SENSE She puts a lot of pressure on herself to be the very best She's rigid and strict and she likes the security of law She can't stand things like philosophy and sociology because she thinks they're pointless (so judgy fr) She likes things that are concrete

[bucketofdeltav]

There's a lot in the notes here about 'there should be free laundromats' and 'free bathhouse/swimming pool/library/garden/tool library l'. Who. Is going. To pay. For that.

In the society we live in, things have to be paid for. They just do.

You can get it by philanthropy (if you're willing to put up with the philanthropists' ideas of how it should be run).

You can get it by council tax (if you're willing to pay council tax and deprioritize other stuff like public art or idk utilities).

You can get it by national tax (if you're willing to pay national tax and also deal with the necessary bureaucracy of any national endeavor).

You can sometimes get it by crowdsourced, ethically-pure communal volunteer labor if, and only if, you are willing to pitch in and clean the floors or weed the garden or do lifeguard duty or check the tools back in or clear the lint traps, or at the very least, not go out of your way to make life hell for the people who are doing that so that you can have your nice free socialist garden/laundry/pool.

I've done community organizing on a small scale, and oh my God, never again. Never ever ever again. It can be the most exhausting, thankless, grinding work and you're not getting paid and you're often throwing your own money at it (while getting told off for being so privileged as to have the job that lets you have your own money to throw at the project, naturally) and you're spending all your free time on it (while getting told off for having a job that etc. but also means not all of your time is free, naturally) and it feels like everyone hates at least one aspect of what you're doing, so they keep using it, and they keep shitting on it, and if you think that's bad you are NOT ready for how unfilteredly NASTY the users will get when you say 'I can't do this anymore' and stop. Because if it's that important to the community someone will pick it up, right? Right? Wrong. And somehow that will also be your fault.

Anyway, be kind to the people who provide literally anything free in your community; it may not be exactly what you wanted, but if you use it, it's useful.

I'm very tired and right now all I have the headspace for is weaponizing my ability to appear Normal British to convince the building management that their wiring is in fact dodgy and they need to stop being racist about international students' appliances and fix it already.

whenever i see talk about third spaces people pretty much always mean bars, or other places of consumption. Nobody really talks about something like a public bathhouse that would be a massive boon for local homeless people, or making local laundromats a free public service. These can, and I think absolutely should be valuable and very utilitarian third spaces for community building.

[certifiablyinsanez]

Mammon is great ace representation: an essay on aphobia in the Hellaverse fandom

I’m seeing a lot of people be mad about Mammon having a thing for Leviathan. And I’m going to need the fandom to step back and examine these issues, because they are 100% rooted in aphobia. I have been out as an oriented aroace person for over 10 years if you want to doubt my credentials, rather than listen to my analysis, lived experience and reflect.

So. Tell me Hellaverse fandom; why, when it comes to Alastor, who is a character who very clearly has zero interest in others, it is always a chorus of people saying “aces can have sex”, “aces can enjoy sex”, “it’s not harmful to the ace community to use Alastor for shipping material, he isn’t real and asexuality and aromanticism is a huge spectrum”, “Aroace people can still date and have sex”?

But when it comes to Mammon, he is “bad asexual representation”, he “clearly experiences sexual attraction”, “he can’t be demisexual”, etc.

No genuinely, why is this? I want you to examine this, think on it from a place of neutral examination and come to your own conclusions. Because this is a worrisome double standard. This can for starters, be an instance of fat phobia. Because out of the two of them, Alastor is thin, and therefore closer to the beauty standard, which is hysterical considering that Alastor canonically has horrible hygiene, and I don’t think I know a single person who thinks that stank ass body and breath is attractive. Mammon, as seen from the slovenly way he eats, can potentially be assumed to have poor hygiene as well, but it has a very different connotation because of his weight. [Research the connection between thin privilege and body odor/hygiene. It’s very real].

I can spend a lot of time and energy going into the shipping dynamics between the shows, as well as how Alastor is a more “shippable” character in comparison to Mammon, but I honestly don’t find this as interesting or as compelling as to what I’m about to say next.

Because aphobia in the real world is still very alive and well today. In my 10+ years of being in the ace community, I have genuinely spent a lot of emotional energy, time, knowledge, experience, and compassion, just fighting for the right to even be acknowledged as queer. I have vivid memories from when I was first out of the closet at the age of 16, telling ace people across apps and forums that they were valid, that they weren’t broken, that they were deserving of love, respect, and a place in the queer community. I was telling people, younger, my age, and older that they shouldn’t kill themselves, that they had worth beyond what they could do in the bedroom for others. I had to convince people that they didn’t owe anyone sex, and that they were in fact being sexually abused by their partners. I was on the phone with people in tears. I spent HOURS of my life in these DMs at an age where I was a suffering, mentally ill queer child that was also being victimized by aphobia. Still to this day people think the “A” stands for ally. And still to this day people have discord about our community as a whole. I have had to sit and watch as people went from loudly proclaiming with their whole chest that asexual people didn’t exist, or at the very least weren’t queer. Then years went by and it became less and less okay to say things like that, because asexual people finally had fought long enough and had supported each other enough that we discovered our voices and began to use them. So people were finally facing the consequences of saying bigoted shit.

And now that they can’t say that asexuals aren’t queer, they moved on to another group. Demisexuals. Demisexuals by far have it roughest, because while there are many micro labels in our community to explain our diverse range of experiences, demisexual is probably the most well known one. And every handful of months or so I have to use my voice once again to stand up for my people, because an attack on one of us is an attack on all of us, and people on the internet have made it clear that they have no qualms of attacking us. The asexual and aromantic community have made extremely valuable contributions to the queer community that are entirely overlooked because we are not valued in it.

And this is why I have been an outspoken proponent of my displeasure over Alastor being a character that is the most shipped with others, and my disdain for the fanbase has grown even wider after Mammons appearance in Mastermind. It is a painful reminder of all the discrimination I’ve faced over the years, that my community still goes through. Because people are contrarians. Alastor is canonically asexual, and other aspects of his character are reflective of aromanticism as well. Well, the fanbase doesn’t like this so much. If you genuinely pay attention, you’ll notice this is a trend with a lot of other aroace characters. My favorite example is Peridot from Steven Universe, a canonical aroace character. In the show, Peridot goes through a lot of unlearning and growth. The scene where she tries to fuse with Garnet has massive implications for a few reasons. Because one, she is genuine in her desire to understand Garnet, and fusion better. And two, fusion while forbidden on Homeworld, is commonplace and normal in the Crystal Gems. As a Crystal Gem, she feels this is what is now expected of her. This is a major experience in the aspec community, as living in a cis heteronormative society means that sex, marriage and children are all things expected of each individual, which is dangerous and harmful ideology to everyone, asexual/aromantic people as well. Peridot couldn’t go through with the fusion, but that didn’t stop the fandom salivating, and foaming at the mouth over a potential Lapis/Peridot fusion. People were genuinely mad at Rebecca Sugar for never making that pairing canon, when they had absolutely no right to behave the way they did. Let’s not forget how the fans also misgendered Rebecca Sugar constantly. It was absolutely bigoted.

This is happening with Alastor. Fans feel entitled to ship him with whomever, an entitlement that is not seen with other characters. When people ship Vaggie with Angel, there is backlash, and for good reason. Because people understand that despite the fact that Vivienne Medrano said people can ship whatever, shipping a gay man with a woman and a gay woman with a man is…gross. It is wrong, it is disrespectful of their identities, and is forcing heteronormativity onto characters that are strict in their sexualities. Most people are able to recognize the thinly veiled homophobia. But Alastor does not receive the same treatment, and in fact receives the opposite treatment. I don’t know what I could say to convince you that the aroace coded character in a show being the #1 most shipped is thinly veiled aphobia the same way Vaggie x Angel is thinly veiled homophobia.

Now what does that have to do with Mammon? Mammon seems to not be aroace coded like Alastor, and for some reason, that has thoroughly pissed people off. Because Mammon is not the “acceptable” caricature of an asexual person. Most allosexual (non-asexual and/or aromantic people) view being asexual as being synonymous with being aromantic, which shows a painful lack of understanding and at times respect for the diversity of our community. Alastor fits this category, so he’s an “acceptable asexual”, while also essentially being a toy for shippers. But Mammon, with his clear attraction to Leviathan, is a “bastardization” of the asexual image. When we aren’t being viewed as broken, we’re often being viewed as chaste, virginal, and innocent with attachments to infantilization. But Mammon, with his aggressive and even icky approach to flirting with Leviathan, is seen as a subversion of this, which for people who don’t understand our community, hate. And these people are blaming Vivienne for having “terrible ace rep” when in actuality, having multiple ace characters having very little in common is actually fantastic rep. Because there are many labels in our community that Mammon can fit into as an asexual. To me, he looks like a sex-positive, high libido, demisexual. He’s known Leviathan for thousands of years, of course it makes sense that he would be into her, but not into anyone else which would explain why his “posse” are just female robots. This could also be because of his classism, but I genuinely think that he’s just demisexual. And you already know how people feel about demisexuals.

If you’ve read this far and have genuinely set aside your biases and personal feelings like I requested in the beginning, I appreciate that. Because from my own lived experience, the double standard between Alastor and Mammon doesn’t annoy me; it frightens me.

Because what the fandom is actually saying when they do these things is this:

“We see you as a homogenous group. Your voices go in one ear and out the other. If you don’t conform to our values and standards, we won’t give you the respect or recognition you deserve. If you don’t conform to my view of your group, you lose my “allyship”. We do not see your identity as a sexuality in its own right, but rather a literary device we can play with. I do not care to learn more about your community, your culture, or your struggles. I barely (if at all) acknowledge you as your own sexual minority and marginalized group. I barely acknowledge (if at all) that you are queer at all. I do not care about your feelings about societal biases that I might carry, I don’t care about how you’ve lived it, because it takes away my fun and fantasies. Because I devalue your group as a whole, your voices mean little. Your narrative is mine to do with as I please.”

I really hope you can see my perspective and understand the sincere place this comes from. Thanks for reading.

[klonoadreams]

HOW WE ALL FEELING, FORMER DORM LEADER CATER DIAMOND TRUTHERS???

The theory is going hella strong with this upcoming update in December, and I'm mainly losing my shit because of how fucking funny it was, but also, it always made the most amount of sense???

Of how thankful Cater was post Riddle OB??

More than that, he knows a LOT more about the Queen of Hearts than you'd expect, and the way he goes about Heartslabyul etiquette.

Like above all else, his lenience is something that matches the King of Hearts that he is starting to appear to be based off of in ways. It should be mentioned ESPECIALLY, that it was the King of Hearts who allowed Alice to have her trial in the Disney film.

But apart from that, Cater has also been rather enamored with teh Queen of Hearts herself, given what information he's mentioned about her.

Like a thing in comment with these chats is that Cater is involved to some extent, and he knows further than what's shown on the surface, something that can sometimes slip by Riddle.

It's just very fascinating that regardless of the outcome, Cater is a member of Heartslabyul through and through, even with his tendency to slack off at times.

Above all else, he was the one helping manage Riddle too, when he was at his worst. Like you gotta understand, the fact that CATER DIAMOND, of all people, avoided EVER pissing off Riddle and getting punished by him is a LOT more impressive, when you realize how everyone else was dealing with him. ESPECIALLY with his MagiCam obsession and phone tap tap tapping. :V

There's a lot more to Cater than meets the eyes, given that a lot of what he does in Heartslabyul comes naturally to him. I'm just saying, if it turns out to have been true with the theory that he was the former Dorm Leader of Heartslabyul before Riddle...well, the signs were certainly there. It's already pointing to Cater being the true twisted King of Hearts character and not Trey, as his own comparison mentioned.

[shuenkio]

LoserXLover | 희승 헨.하.이.픈. (⁠⇀⁠‸⁠↼⁠‶⁠)⁠ᕗ💨

Paring: Loser!seung X M!reader

Genre: Smut Synopsis: Being such a brat he is, you decided to punish your boyfriend in a very edgy way. Cw: pure smut, cum undone, edging, freaky af, cursing, dirty talk.

English is not my 1st | This is a work of fanfiction, do not throw unnecessary tantrums on this nsfw/sfw blog. ©Shuenkio

A$N: from an anon request! This is probably my last update this month since next month who knows I'd be busy but I won't accept any requests sooner. Btw 'but' using alot here, ignore it 🥲 I'm having a mental breakdowns trying to make it perfect I'm suck still at writing smau.

Finished schedule for today's promotion is a relief that everything went smoothly yet there's something that has bothered you lately which you have bottled up for sometimes now. Despite being a sub-leader in the big group full of older boys at a young age, it is half bad and half good. The good parts were already doing great the nice ones while the bad part is they're grown boys.

You'd question your own self that it is worth it? In a frustrated good way of course. Not only are all of them a ball of chaotic energy but they're also clingy, teasing, if they'll tease you, all you need was a punching bag sand to Express your annoying. However it gets used to it till it becomes a habit and sort of like everyday shit. And that's not the case for nowadays. Heeseung the oldest hyung is getting on your nerves lately.

One was he accidentally made a small mistake during the finish part today on stage yeah that's forgiven but still driving you nuts as a perfectionist you are. Two, at the dorm, Heeseung would leave his ramen bowl without washing, dishes soaked in the sink for days unless you point it out. It's one of the hell rides having the same floor and dorm with him.

Not to mention Ni-ki says nothing about this as if he is not in the same dorm. Three, the gamer boy is getting out of hand. The nagging, the yelling, the reminding is just an air that went from one ear to another gosh how difficult can he become more. He's not a damn teenager but a 23 year old guy. Did he do all of these on purpose or is it just so unbelievable that you thought this was some kind of joke? Only god knows.

By doing all of the voices won't make him flinch anymore you'd have to come with some other punishment to make him won't repeat all of the childish behavior anymore that could leave him a bit traumatized, for some time in a very good~ way. What if he might love the idea more? Only to find out. Burst in his personal room, leaning against the door way as you are staring at the lazy guy who is on the bed, scrolling on his phone as if he didn't have a busy schedule the next day. Closing the door behind, as you make you way closer before sitting on the edge of his bed.

"Heeseung hyung? We need to talk!" Murmur in a serious tone yet so calmly, request for talking. But in return he just hums in response, rooting to the core as if his body is stuck on the bed which makes you have to control yourself from being violence.

"please sit up, before I change my mind" is another demand yet this time he did as he was told. Sitting up, resting his head on the headboard.

"yes? M/n What do you want to talk about?"

"about your behavior, not to be disrespectful but this is not how I wanted you to act hyung!, you're 23 not a toddler" You claim, explain in as calm a way as possible. However, it seems like it won't work on him ever.

"I am the way I am m/n what are you... Talking about? I know I'm the oldest but I don't act like a child you say, don't just come up like that" Heeseung response, his tone is slightly offensive to your words but that makes him look even more stubborn. How can he even let those slip out. Anger boil almost explodes, trying to maintain your compose while explaining how many things about him that bother you a lot as a sub/co leader that left Heeseung dumbfounded.

But that won't last long when he just ignores the fact, carry on acting like a brat once you finish talking. This is getting out of hand, you force yourself to give him one last chance before a disaster would occur.

"what are you gonna do about me then? I'll like how I am right now, leave my room you're such a headache for me m/n, hyung need alone time" Scoff is all what left your sweet mouth, this is so irritated it's like telling a siblings to go bed time but they denying. What's more irritated? The fact he was your loser boyfriend makes it worse. Heeseung turned away and sat on his desk, opening his computer to play some games. Would you let that happen? Not this time. Stroking away your hair in boil pointed before locking the door tight, making your way to your boyfriend.

This might be the first time you've had to punish your brat lover. Seeing the sock scatter on the floor, you come up with an idea, if you can't punish him emotionally, how about physically? Smirking, like the idea so much. Before Heeseung could wear his headphones on, his gamer chair turned around by your grips. Slightly starlet the next thing he knows, both of his hands are tied up by his own socks. A very lovely sight to see such submissiveness. Yelping, confused running through his head to your new side, he can't help but to be afraid one bit, asked.

"m/n?? What are you doing? Untied me now, this is not funny.." speak in a shaky voice, as he sees your unusual attitude. Meanwhile deep down inside of him, he knows what's going to come for him. Somehow he liked it? Or he just pretends to drive you nuts so he could get this attention of yours?

"You're never gonna like it, and I won't stop until you reflect your own shitty behavior, hyung!" Waste no more time, your body lean close to him as your naughty finger sneaking on his crotch. Fiddle on his pants, around in a circling, teasing to make it rocket hard as you planning to make him so hard, so dry until he begged oh wait, why don't you make him edge? Those feelings are the worst haha.Heeseung squirmed under your touch, in a trembling breath. he was expecting this but This just feels so different, the idea of you would stroking him only to make his soft dick hurt from the tight fabric. And the fact he didn't stop you makes sense that he was waiting for this. Biting on his lower lip he stays quiet, silently enjoying your touch on his meat. He wanted to please you so badly, to make you touch him even more than this, not only to play but to make use of it.

Realized Heeseung is actually enjoying this, making you angry even more, he can't enjoy this, you need to make it hard for him to ever even feel good. In another one swift move, you unzip his pant, let it spring free out a twitching, huge hard throbbing dick that is leaking already. Such a good start,a clean cut tip free is so arousing to look at, and abuse it.

"p- please i... It kinda hurts you have to finish it m/n, y.. you're the one who started this" pleasing, his hand are tied up, it reasonable that he wanted you to finished it up as he leaking so much already ehh those transparent sticky stuff on his head.

"No, let me hear something else. Where is the brat gone hmm? I don't see any"

"but—m/n I'm not in the wrong, I'm just being myself everyday like how my routine, what do you expect from me?" He fired back, getting real pain in the ass . How brave he is to spit those out. Snort out loudly that click heeseung in the head that, he did it for himself just now, he'll be in big trouble.

"you're getting brave for real now hyung I think I might pee myself from it, but I think hmm oh well, you seriously push my buttons" Before hee can react, you hand wrapped on his shaft tightly, stroking him so fast that makes his head spinning to the weirdly speed pace. He moaned shamelessly, filled in the small space with his vocal like he was on the edge to see heaven. His stretchy hairy balls jiggle each movement you jerk him off , making a raw plopping sound mixed with pain and pleasure without liquid. Your bf's chest becomes more hitching and breathless, he wanted to scream so bad in high pitch but he couldn't, afraid the other who was in the same dorm might hear.

He knows and you know he can't do anything but to beg for your mercy. Instead It's the opposite of what you expected, you thought you'd hear him begging, whining, for mercy to stop but he was actually asking for more, and he really wanted to release it off, so impatiently. Knowing his weak spot, what are you waiting for? Masturbating his dick harder, in another brutal speed that left his eye nothing but a white eyes ball. His brain malfunctioned, feeling senseless at the moment. A few more strokes later, Heeseung started to feel jolted as his body signal he'd cum at anytime unpredicted soon.

"H- holy motherfucking shit m/n— I...I'm about to cum please... please I wanted to cum c...can I?" Hearing him beg for mercy and being so submissive for the first time make your body goosebumps, thrilling wash over as you actually found him adorable in this state or did they call that a... Kink? A new discovery kink? No way, you need to see more of this. You want more whimpers from him, making him beg, and submissive ugh so fucking turn on.

Enough with the thinking, his body soon shaking in a sign of soon to explode and your plan was to edge him off, what would he react to if you did it? Isn't it going to be fun??

"Ah...ohh... Fuck m/n I'm cumming I'm cumming I'm CUMIN— NO" he yelled it out, to be come undone but before he can cum you quickly pull your hand away for a good seconds which make him going nut on the spot, finally his body shattered undone in a half satisfied, splashing all his hot sperms on his own sweatpants. His body odor perfume all over the room, the scent of his cum, smells like cow milk, that's crazy. And Nor did he be mad or sad, his expression is clearly he's not satisfied with your action. However at least he did cum.

"why... Why did you do that? For what for??M/N?"

"This is your first punishment, you should remember this from now on. If you continue to act so stubborn again, I bet there's more evil punishment for my loser boyfriend and not just edging you— do you get it?hm?"

"y...yes my.. love I'll be a good boy.. and your good boyfriend I...I'm sorry I'll be better" he was scared ...

"that's what I love about you— very demure very lovely very good boy"

[thot-writes]

solas needs to be bred btw (and also punished for being such a bad boy)

sub!solas headcanons because he deserves it (18+ NSFW);

Solas is the truest definition of a switch imo, since he reflects the energy people give him, so i think if he were to encounter a dom…. baby girl would fold so fast

he’d be (pleasantly) surprised for sure, but he’d quickly follow the rhythm you’re setting

while i believe Solas piped back in Arlathan, ancient elf sex and modern day sex are a whole different ballgame. where the ancient elves incorporated magic far more frequently, mortals in current times are all about the exploration of the body — and how to push it to the limits

it makes for an entirely different experience, one that Solas hasn’t had yet. In some ways, you’re taking his virginity

he’s touch-starved. he might not even realise it until that first kiss. but in a relationship, he’s all about touching, cuddling, sneaking in little kisses, hand holding — you make having a body feel so much more enjoyable, in more ways than one

definitely a private guy, but if someone were to walk in on a cuddle sesh with you he wouldn’t move away. he’d simply stare, coldly, at the person who interrupted, and speak in a polite but clipped manner

he’s the little spoon obviously. cmon. that man screams “come hold me”

during sex, solas whimpers. a lot.

he’s not one for loud pornstar-esque cries of pleasure (although one might escape here and there), he’s more about quiet whimpers and moans and heavy breathing

he’ll bite his lip if he feels he’s getting too loud

But when he does, you bring your hand to his face and gently pry his lips apart with your thumb.

“You’re being naughty,” you say. “I want to hear your voice.”

Solas swallows, a bead of sweat trickling down his flushed face, and he nods obediently. “Yes, vhenan.”

after that, he’ll deign to not restrain himself so much, but restraint is so heavily entrenched in his being that you’ll need to remind him when he slips back into lip-biting

he. loves. being. at. your. mercy.

bondage, spanking, orgasm denial— all things he’d heavily fuck with. it’s a form of repentance, it’s pleasure, it’s pain, and it’s a release all in one. and you’re the only person he trusts enough to dole it out

LOOOOVES eating pussy (or sucking dick. yes he’s bi i decree it). he’ll happily go down until his jaw is sore, and probably beyond that

he loves to know that he’s doing a good job, that he’s pleasuring you right, and he is rock. fucking. hard. the whole time he’s doing it, even without stimulating himself

loves the aftercare just as much as he loves the act itself. just being safe, seen, and content with you chases away all the regret that he’s bound to feel later

secretly loves if you leave any visible hickeys on him, it’s a tangible sign of your love.

would never admit it, though. probably not even to you

if one of his particularly ballsy agents decide to point it out, he’ll glare silently until their resolve crumbles (which isn’t long when they remember solas is a dreamer who can kill them in their sleep) and they apologise

his agents quickly learn to never speak of solas’ hickeys ever again

probably cries during or after sex. just because it’s such a vulnerable experience.

you never judge him though, you simply hold him and kiss his tears away, which serves as both a balm to his aching soul and yet another knife to his conscience

slips into elven when he’s feeling particularly good. you have no idea what he’s saying, since much of it is obscure, but rest assured it’s the nastiest shit imaginable

which is probably why he’s saying it in elven and not in trade, where you would definitely understand him (he’s far too shy for that)

his ears!!! they’re insanely sensitive, even just a gentle touch on them can make him moan

when solas blushes, his ears get redder than his face does

anyway solas is a hoe and deserves what’s coming to him (love and affection)

[beefrobeefcal]

Colosseum Capers feat. Din Djarin & Dieter Bravo

Summary: Din is a virgin and Dieter teaches him some things.

Pairing: Dieter x Din x f!reader | Rating: 18+ MDNI | Word Count: 6,787

Content Warnings: couch sex, din is a virgin, dieter teaches din how to make thick in the warm, oral (f receiving), unprotected sex, p in the v, cum touching, jerking off, bruised willy, busted wrist, gary has had it up to here, everyone is consenting gleefully, jerking off to a live show, cum play (ish), talk of cum, weed is smoked, mention of religious trauma, premature ejaculation YEEHAW!

Author's Notes: for my very own november prompt challenge THE GLANDOLORIAN of course being dropped right at the buzzer.

Thanks to @strang3lov3, @noxturnalnymph & @bitchesuntitled for their eyes, minds, thots and love - i would have let my utter defiance take over and not done this without your encouragement. Thanks also to @saradika-graphics for the dividers.

No more tag lists - follow @beefnotes + turn on notifications for fic updates!

You stood behind the ticket desk, supposed to be counting the float and getting ready for the evening’s show but instead you were bored out of your mind and sweating in your polyester toga. Once again, the owners decided to not fix the AC to cut costs, and the humidity plus the sweltering heat was giving you a horrible case of swamp ass and a foul mood.

Colosseum Capers (aka ‘Capers’) was a Medieval Times knock off, started in 1979 by two brothers who had a shitty idea fueled by a night out at a shitty bar. They had sold it to a corporate group in the late 80’s who had developed a mall on the plot next door and had changed hands many times over since. It was some real estate investment trust that was letting it run into the ground now. It wasn’t glamorous, but it paid the bills and got you up close and personal with B and C list celebrities, and free concessions, keeping your monthly grocery bill lower than average. That, and if you batted your lashes at Gary, the manager, you could get your gas paid for every now and then. 

There were a lot of perks in this dump, but the one thing that made Capers almost not worth it was the star - Dieter Bravo. He was a washed up 1990’s soap actor who hadn’t actually done anything of note since he showed up to the Emmys drunk, high, or both in 2003, then allegedly passed out backstage and pissed his pants. You have to say allegedly because at the time, Dieter had enough money to have a team that gave enough of a shit to scrub the media, stopping the release of the details. But now? Now he was ‘Marcus Acacius, Gladiator of Rome’ five to seven nights a week in a shitty dinner show theatre two blocks from the Las Vegas strip. No one gave a shit about him except those who recognized him from his days on The Young & The Restless. 

You couldn’t stand him. Despite how far he had fallen, it still wasn’t enough to knock his ego down; he was arrogant and obnoxious, slept with the majority of the female staff - and a few of the male staff, too. He’d tried to bed you once, his gravelly, sleep deprived, booze fueled voice cawing at you to come to his dressing room one evening. You’d rolled your eyes in disgust, never once being fooled by him, declining him just as rudely as he had offered. In response, from then on in, Dieter pretended you either didn’t exist or antagonized you, giving you orders or interfering if someone was speaking to you to let them know you were a ‘celibate bitch’, landing you with the nickname ‘CeeBee’.

The only good thing about Dieter was the one thing his drunk, out-of-shape ass needed to play gladiator - Din. When Dieter couldn’t take to the stage, Din stepped in. He took no credit and played Dieter playing a Gladiator well enough for only die-hard Dieter fans to notice and those seemed to be dwindling in numbers season by season. 

If Din had asked you to his dressing room (if he had one), nothing could have stopped you from going to it. He was everything Dieter was not. He was quiet, polite, sweet, sober, and while he looked like a younger, less bloated version of Dieter, you found him far more handsome and attractive. The only problem was that Din was never anything but polite in the most standoffish way to you and anyone else who he interacted with - no joke pulled a smile on his face, you had never heard him laugh once, and he was insanely private. Beyond his name and his age - which you had to suss out from the badly stored employment records - you knew nothing about him. 

Din Djarin, 36 years old, male was what you knew to be a fact. Great body, patience of a saint, likes plain soda water, potentially hung, gorgeous brown eyes, soft-looking brown hair were based solely on your observational skills. Everything else about him was a mystery. 

“Ceebee!”

You groaned outwardly and rolled your eyes when you heard Gary’s voice. It was too hot and you felt too gross to want to deal with his bullshit. 

“I know you heard me ‘cause I heard that attitude!”

Sucking in a deep breath, you stood up from leaning on the counter and yelled back. “What, Gary?!”

“Bravo. Get him. Need to know if we gotta call Din for tonight.”

“No, Gary, you do it! It’s too hot for me to deal with his bullshi-”

“CeeBee, goddamnit! Now!”

You could hear the final threads of Gary’s triple bypass fraying in his voice. You knew he hated Dieter more than you did and if he had the power, Dieter would have been fired years ago and Din would be the gladiator full time. And you knew that if you were hot, the overweight, balding 67-year-old Gary was feeling it worse, and despite what an aggravating human he could be, he was also the closest thing to a friend you had in this city. Today was not the day to give him a hard time. 

Huffing, you stepped out from behind the ticket counter and stomped down the ramp to the ‘Staff Only’ door, and pushed through. As soon as you opened the door, the acrid smell of weed from a bong hit you and you grimaced. You didn’t want to go any closer to his dressing room, so you called out, not attempting to hide your irritation.

“Bravo! Gary wants to know if you’re-”

“Ceebee! Baby! Come on in - don’t be shy!”, Dieter interrupted in a lazy, rough but loud voice.

“No. Gary wants to know if you’re g-”

“Fuck Gary and get in here. Not gonna pull anything!”, he barked, then sang out, “‘less you wan’ me to...”

You scowled as you heard the smug grin in his voice. Against your better judgement, you let out a harsh huff and stepped into his open doorway. There he was, the bastard, laid back on a couch not even fit for a second hand store, in his green robe and boxers. His face was pulled into a large, stupid smile and his eyes were red and heavy lidded. 

“Hey pretty lady…”

The way he looked at you and spoke made you want to shave your head with a cheese grater, but you’d promised Gary last week that you’d try and be more cordial with Dieter, so you slapped a tight smile on your face and crossed your arms. 

“Bravo. Ga-”

“CeeBee… honey, you look tense.” He patted the couch next to him. “Come on, baby, take a hoot. Chill out.”

“Gary wants to know if he’s gotta call Din in.”

The lazy smile on his face dropped slightly, and the small bit of his eyes you could see seemed to grow darker. Until that moment, the insecurity Dieter had over Din being better suited for this job had never occurred to you, but you could see it clear as day now.  “Fuckin’ Din…”, he growled as he stood up and moved towards you.

Trying to not let him see how intimidated you were as he stood far closer than you thought necessary as he glowered down at you, you held that tight smile and looked him up in the face.

“Tell Gary to call Din so he can watch me-”, he snarls lowly, poking his finger into your collarbone, “-an’ see how this show is ‘sposed to be done.”

After you’d relayed the message to Gary and watched his face go even redder, you went back to the ticket desk and tried to look busy. Gary was going to be in a mood tonight, having to pay both Dieter and Din to be there, and given how hot it was, he already knew that attendees would complain about the lack of AC so admission would be 50% instead of having to issue refunds. It was going to be a long, rough night. 

For the next hour, you handled the small crowd of attendees coming in, then hit a lull, allowing you a moment to pull out your phone and scroll through your socials mindlessly.

“Hey.”

Din’s voice cut through the ambient crowd chatter from the lobby and theatre and you clumsily tucked your phone in your bra and looked up, trying to give him as sweet and soft of a smile you could muster.

“Hey yourself.” You cringed internally at the saccharine, soft tone of your voice, but you couldn’t help but fall into this coquettish nightmare version of yourself when he was around. 

Din swallowed and nodded, eyes darting over you nervously. He cleared his throat and tapped the desk a few times and nodded again.

“Let Gary know I’m here, yeah?”, he murmured, taking one last look at you before heading down the ramp to Dieter’s dressing room.

You watched him walk away, his tight little ass hugged beautifully in his dark, faded jeans, and you let out a hopelessly desperate breath. Din, despite being an enigma to you, had you in a chokehold and he didn’t even know it.

That routine carried on for the next week: Gary would send you to Dieter to see if he needed to call Din; Dieter would make a vague pass at you and when rejected, he would tell you Din needed to come in; Gary would look like he was going to have an aneurysm; Din would come in and shyly say hello. 

Capers was closed on Sundays and this particular Saturday felt like it was dragging. Before Gary could call out and send you to Dieter’s room, you were already at his office door asking if he needed to know if Din was coming in. Opening the ‘Staff Only’ door and being hit in the sinuses with weed haze didn’t have the same impact as it had before and you didn’t bother announcing yourself before you walked into Dieter’s dressing room.

“Din?”, you asked flatly, giving him a bored look. 

He looked up at you, noting your lack of enthusiasm and his interest was piqued. “Awe, CeeBee. Take a seat and a hoot with me, sweetheart.”

If you had been blindfolded and didn’t already know he was sitting in front of you, you wouldn’t have known it was Dieter speaking; his tone was much softer and almost Din-like. For a moment, your guard was dangerously close to coming down and the way he looked at you through the blue haze from his bong was almost too enticing for you to ignore.

But then he coughed hard and let out a fart, making himself laugh. The illusion was broken and a scowl sat on your bored face. 

“Din?” you repeated in a far more firm tone. 

Dieter continued to giggle and cough, obviously ignoring your annoyance and once he was settled he nodded before taking another hit off the bong. He sat upright and blew the smoke into the air, coughing again.

“Yeah, baby… you know the drill. He needs to watch the master work.”

“And you really think that’s you? Seriously?”

It came out before you could stop yourself. God, you must be PMS’ing what with your inability to hold back your words or your facial expressions. 

Dieter stilled, eyeing you warily. You saw the shift. The annoying stoner had evaporated into the smoke in the room and what was now standing from the couch was a considerably angry looking Dieter.

 “What was that?” His voice was solid and low, almost coming out in a dangerous growl. 

You opened your mouth to speak but nothing came out as he took a few strides and stood above you, glaring down at you.

“I didn’t catch that, CeeBee. You wanna say that again?”

The low and burning timbre of his voice did something to you that you hated more than anything -  it turned you on. You could feel how wet you were getting as his intense puffs of breath from his nose hit you in the face. His brown eyes were dark and narrowed right onto yours and just by shifting his weight he was closer to you, backing you against the wall next to his door. His hand came up beside your head, planting his palm on the wall while the other gripped your chin ever so gently.

His head tilted slightly and his voice was softer, but still held the edge of his temper. “I put up with a lot from you, you know, CeeBee. Don’t think you appreciate what a fuckin’ gentleman I’ve been.”

Despite the position you were in, you couldn’t help but scoff. Dieter shook his head, his grip on your chin becoming a bit firmer.

“I mean it. I’ve been good. You think anyone would hear you scream from down here?”

Your eyes widened slightly at the threat and he smiled.

“There it is.”, he chuckled darkly. “Knew you were a smart girl.” 

He leaned forward, mouth far too close to yours and murmured, “Might not be as in shape as the Virgin Din, but I know how to take you down a few pegs, honey…”

God dammit. Fuck. Whatever he was doing was working and the self loathing you had become well acquainted with in all your morning afters was getting itself ready for another bout. But then your mind stopped, going back to what he said about Din.

“Virgin?”

The smug smirk on Dieter’s face grew into a smile as he leaned back and he purred,  “Yeah, you think that nerd has ever put his dick in anything that wasn’t made of silicone?”

You could feel yourself getting hotter and wetter by the second. Why was Dieter talking about Din like that so hot? And why did his eyes boring into yours as he spoke make you feel like you were being put in your place? Sure, you’d maintained prolonged eye contact with Dieter in a standoff situation more than once. But this? This was different; he had the upper hand and knew it, and was now toying with you.

His hand on your chin moving down to your neck and barely putting any pressure, like he was testing the waters. His eyes followed suit. 

“I can see your pulse…”, he murmured, eyes lidded and fixed on the side of your neck. He brushed his thumb over your pulse point and his eyes snapped back up to yours. He inhaled and in his exhale, he breathed out, “You like this…”

He wet his lips and he had you wound so tightly around his fingers, you could have come from that act alone. Dieter was mesmerizing and his ability to seduce was something you never expected. 

“I caught you watching him, you know.” With that low growl of a declaration, you swear you saw a possessive flash in his eyes, and his grip on your throat tightened slightly. “He wouldn’t know what to do with you. But I do…”

“Bra-Bravo… ple-”

He cut you off with a grin. “You wanna break that vow of celibacy you been clingin’ to?”

You scoffed and bit back, “I have not been celibate!”

Dieter laughed lowly and leaned in, pressing a kiss to the tip of your nose. “You just fuckin’ everyone but me, huh?” Then pressed another kiss to your cheek. “Whorin’ it up and not letting me have a bite?” He kissed the other cheek. “So mean, baby.”

He ghosted his mouth over yours, and he pulled back as you tried to catch his lips with your own. You let out a soft whimper and he returned a mock-pout to you in response. “Awe, CeeBee. Don’t tell me that all you needed was a firm hand and I coulda fucked you on this couch years ago…”

“Fuck you…” You spat through gritted teeth.

“I’d love to, honey.” The juxtaposition between the softness of his eyes and voice, and the force of his hand pushing between your thighs made your head spin. His large hand cupped your whole crux and his middle finger pressed the cheap, thin polyester fabric of your toga against your thong-clad slit.

Dieter sucked in a breath between his teeth and looked almost pained and he groaned, “Fuck, you’re soaked…”

It was like he broke character at the hint of a sopping wet pussy and the real Dieter came back out for a split second. “I need her, CeeBee… bet she’s aching for me, too.”

His mouth met yours in a hungry, fevered, desperate kiss, his tongue shoving its way past your teeth and against yours. You gripped onto anywhere you could - neck, shoulders, hair - and he grabbed your ass and hauled you up and over to the couch, letting you fall back onto it unceremoniously. Before you could react, he was down on his knees between your open legs, frantically tossing your toga skirt up, covering your head.

“Bravo! What the fu-ooooooh!” Your confusion turned to pleasure as his mouth kissed your heat through your thong with the same fervor he’d kissed your mouth.

He reached under you as he kept his mouth on you, pulling your thong down. He sat up and brought the small clump of damp fabric to his nose and inhaled. 

“I fuckin’ knew it…”, he groaned. “Holdin’ out this sweet of a pussy on me.”

He dove back in.

Unbeknownst to both you and Dieter, Gary got tired of waiting. He’d assumed that you and Dieter were having a blowout argument and that’s why you hadn’t returned yet and he called Din in. Whether Dieter was going on tonight or not, just in case he decided to throw a fit, Din needed to be here.

Twenty-five minutes later, Din walked in the front door and was surprised to see the ticket desk unmanned. He was disappointed; he liked seeing you and seeing that smile and hearing your voice. Even if outwardly he didn’t show it, he had nightly dreams about pulling you apart and making you whimper and whine under him. But he never took the chance; a girl like you probably already knew what a good fuck felt like and Din hadn’t made love to anyone ever. Never even gotten a blowjob, let alone a handjob. What 36 year-old was still a virgin? He knew what kind - him. The loser who grew up in a religious cult, the kid with the only outside influence being kung fu and swashbuckling movies watched in secret in his cousin’s basement. Those were the only taste of the outside world he had and as soon as he turned 18 and escaped, he found a mixed martial arts studio to train him then he found Caper… and then you. It would have all been perfect - if he knew what to do with his dick. 

He sighed and dropped his shoulders. Adjusting his backpack, he wandered down the ramp to the ‘Staff Only’ door and pushed in.

The first thing that hit him was the smell of Dieter’s weed, and before he could feel nauseated at the smell again, he heard… Din furrowed his brows. He knew that sound, but only in his late night fantasies. His eyes widened and he sucked in a breath, covering his mouth.

It was you. 

Then he heard Dieter, grunting and groaning, and his heart sank. Just from those sounds alone, he knew Dieter had finally sunk his claws into you and he didn’t have a hope in hell in having you to himself. He swallowed back the dejected huff, about to turn away and leave. But he couldn’t; the chance to at least get to see you all laid out and in ecstasy was too great a temptation, even if he wasn’t the one to do it to you. 

Cautiously, he took a few steps to Dieter’s dressing room door. It was open halfway and he thought if he could just take a peek, just get a glimpse, he would be set for the next six months at least in his nightly self-loving session. 

He crept up to the door, peering around the frame, and almost choked. There you were, naked and on your hands and knees, crying out and gripping the sofa as Dieter had one foot planted on the floor and the other he kneeled on as he pounded into you, his hand digging into the soft flesh of your hips. His mouth went dry and he could feel his jeans getting tighter in the crotchular region, mindlessly rubbing his bulge against the door frame in small motions. 

When Dieter reached one of his thick arms around your waist and brought your back up flush with his front and Din got his first look at your bare breasts, bouncing in time with Dieter’s thrusts, he let out an involuntary groan, inadvertently alerting you and Dieter to his presence.

Your eyes, hazy and heavy lidded, snapped to Din’s face watching through the doorway and Dieter chuckled into your ear before sucking your lobe into his mouth.  His eyes bore into Din’s and Din couldn’t look away. He couldn’t move, he was frozen in place.

Dieter smiled, his teeth holding on to your ear as he grunted and thrusted up into you.

“Din… her cunt’s perfect. Ripe and ready to snatch your v-card, buddy.”

You watched as Din’s hips involuntarily bucked against the door frame and Dieter felt you flutter and clench around him. 

“Mmmm… she wants you, too, my dude.”

You whined as Dieter let you go, shoving you face down on  the couch and pulling out. Din watched with eyes wide as Dieter walked tall and proud towards him, his cock bouncing up against his paunch of a belly. Din stumbled back, his back hitting the wall and Dieter stepped out into the hallway and crowded again Din, caging him between his arms and bringing his face right up to his.

“You wanna taste her?” Dieter rasped, his mouth close enough to Din’s that he could smell your tangy musk on his breath. 

Din’s mouth was agape and eyes wide as Dieter leaned in and kissed him. It was much softer than Din could have ever expected Dieter to be, but he gasped into Dieter’s grin when the older man’s hand palmed the front of Din’s jeans, feeling just how hard his dip into voyeurism had made him.

“Oh you’re ready, aren’t you, buddy…”, Dieter grunted, pulling back slightly to watch as Din’s eyes rolled back as he applied more pressure and Din bucked his hips against his hand. He smiled as he watched the younger man pant and huff and he kissed him again, this time more aggressively. Dieter then pulled Din away from the wall and dragged him into his dressing room, standing behind him while ensuring Din’s eyes were on you. Dieter wrapped his arms around his slight waist and started undoing his jeans as he kissed his neck.

“Now… Ceebee’s ready… got her all primed up for you.”, he purred, then nodded towards you. “Show him.”

You hesitated, unsure if this is not only what you really wanted but also for Din. But then Din bit his lip looking at you in a way that set your body on fire and Dieter gave you a firm glare, wordlessly taking control of the situation. You tentatively laid back and opened your legs, pussy puffy, pink and glistening. Din whimpered and Dieter smiled darkly at you.

“Good girl…” His tone was low and dark and he kissed Din’s neck again, sliding the zipper fly of his jeans down. “You want that? Wanna feel it wrap around your dick, there, bud?”

Din nodded eagerly, a pained, yearning look on his face as his eyes stayed glued to your exposed core. 

“Yeah?”, Dieter breathed out against Din’s neck, lifting his shirt to expose his toned midriff. “I know you’re packin’...”

Din huffed out a whine and closed his eyes, leaning back as Dieter’s hand pushed down his underwear enough that his cock slapped up against his stomach. The top was red and weeping, looking painfully hard. Dieter gently gripped it and you watched as Din’s knees nearly buckled as he let out a loud whine.

“Shhh… I know… new things… overwhelming… Doing so good for me, buddy.”, Dieter cooed softly, his thick arm holding Din up against him while the other gently began to stroke him. “Ceebee, honey… look at him. Fuckin’ hung…”

Your eyes hadn’t left Din’s cock. Even in Dieter’s large hand it looked big, and your cunt ached in need. You sucked in a breath through your nose and your lips parted as you exhaled shakily. 

“She likes you, Din… Look at her. All flushed and needy… look how wet she is…”

Din nodded and whimpered, biting his lip hard as Dieter spoke softly as he stroked him. His head lolled back onto Dieter’s shoulder and he panted out, “I… I wan’her… but I-I don’know wha-”

“Shhhh… Dieter Bravo has you covered, buddy. Bet you you’re gonna wanna marry her after this.”

He nipped his neck and released Din’s cock and put his hands on his hips. Din huffed out, a pained look on his face and Dieter nodded to you.

“Look at her, Din… You wanna feel how warm and wet she is?” Dieter’s voice was low and his eyes were menacingly dark. He nudged Din towards you, his shins and knees hitting the edge of the couch between your open legs.

You looked up at him, lips parted and brows furrowed; he looked perfect and so very overwhelmed. His hair was beginning to stick to his forehead and his small, husky whimpers were making it very hard to not just get him away from Dieter. 

“Din… if you don’t want thi-”

“N-no!”, he choked out, looking down at you. His pupils had taken over his whole eye and his features were pulled in a way that made him look almost demonic. “No… fuck, no I wan-want this- you. I want you.”

You nodded, your breath hitching at his apparent enthusiastic - and slightly unnerving - need. 

“Atta boy, Dinny…”, Dieter praised in a growl. “You wan’her snatch suckin’ you in?”

Din nodded, mouth hung open, panting as his eyes stared at your pussy. Dieter continued to chuckle, gripping Din’s hips as his cocked stayed hard and twitching against his flat stomach. 

“You ever touched the winking eye of god, buddy?” Dieter cooed. Din shook his head slightly, still dumbly staring down at you. Dieter nudged Din again, onto his knees between your legs. “Go on… don’t be shy…”

Din brought a shaky hand to your core, a whisper soft touch of his index finger moved slowly around your hole and then up against your clit, making you twitch and let out a gasping whine. 

“See? She likes that…” Dieter’s eyes flick to you. “Don’t you, CeeBee?”

You nodded and moaned out an ‘uh-huh’. You let out a whimpering yelp as he pushed two fingers into you suddenly, and Dieter’s hand gripped his wrist.

“Ho, ho, ho, buddy! Easy… gotta be gentle with her…”, he tsk’d softly, his brows furrowed and he pulled Din’s hand back gently. 

“S-sorry… I-”

“S’okay, Din… it’s okay…”, you nodded looking up at him. It didn’t hurt, it just surprised you.

Dieter moved his hand up over Din’s and adjusted Din’s thumb over your clit, having him apply just the right amount of pressure in a circular motion. “That’s it… ringin’ the devil’s doorbell…”

Dieter released his hand and Din pushed two fingers back into you slowly, keeping the mobile pressure on your bundle of nerves. Despite the slight jerky motions and the bit of hangnail Din had on one of his fingers, for a first timer, it felt pretty good. Dieter patted Din’s hip and moved around to you, dipping his head down and kissing you. 

“You gonna give him a good time, CeeBee?” The softness in his eyes and the direct way he asked told you that he ironically and weirdly had a great deal of respect for the ritual you were about to take part in, the one involving Din losing his virginity. 

You nodded, huskily replying, “Yeah, Bravo-ooh fuck! Yes… r-right there!” then panting out moans.

Din’s long fingers had found the spot that had evaded so many men in your life. And he hit it over and over, and his thumb, the way his thumb kept the motion on it… 

Dieter got up quickly and moved behind Din, his hands on his shoulders, nodding. “Keep doing that… Yes, yeah, good boy. Yeah… when she makes that sound? You keep doing whatever it is you were doing when she made that sound.”

Din’s breath panted out between his teeth as he bit his lip in time with his fingers in and out of you. Dieter didn’t know where to look: you, knees bent and legs open, whining and arching your back or Din, sweating and hypnotized by your pussy sucking his fingers in. He swallowed hard and put his hands back on Din’s slim waist and almost hoarsely encouraged him as he looked at you over his shoulder.

“Come on, buddy… you got her this close… come on… make her cry… keep - Christ on a cracker - keep going…”

Din’s breath hitched with each inhale and his cock was painfully hard, beading precum on his toned stomach, and you could feel your orgasm slipping with his loss of rhythm. You reached down and gently grabbed his wrist to stop him, looking at his face.

Din was on another level of existence. His eyes were glazed and his bottom lip was wet and reddened from his worrying it between his teeth and his cheeks, neck and the part of his chest you could see were flushed and damp. 

“Buddy…”, Dieter whispered as he pressed soft kisses on his neck. “She wants you, baby…”

Din nodded loosely, his brows furrowing, and the only sound that came from him was a low whine as Dieter’s hands pulled his jeans and underwear down further on his hips. You sat up and tugged his t-shirt up and off his body and there he was. 

“God, I remember when I looked this good…”, Dieter groaned, reaching around and smearing his hand through the precum on Din’s stomach. Din hissed and groaned as Dieter gripped his cock and rolled his foreskin up and over the tip with a gentle twist a few times, making the younger man shudder and whine and lean back against him. 

You watched this severely intimate moment between the two men and you could feel your arousal slick your hole even more than it was. “Din…”, you mewled.

Dieter’s gaze snapped to you and he grinned, his brow flicking. “Hear that, buddy? She’s askin’ for you. You and your big, fuckin’ hog. Wants you to rail her. You think you can?”

“Y-yesgodpleaseyes!”, DIn grunted out, desperation and agony bleeding his words together.

Dieter nodded, a silent, huffed chuckle rippled out of him and over Din’s skin, and you watched the goosebumps raise where it touched. He stopped his movement and held his cock, thumbing the slit gently.  “How you gonna take her, huh? You wanna fuck’er from behind, holdin’ on to her tits? She feels so good like th-”

“I… wanna see… her face.”, he stammered out slack jawed, keeping his dazed eyes on yours.

Wordlessly you took his hand and pulled him down to you, and he responded by kissing you. Given that it was only his second time locking lips with another person ever, you excused how wide he had his mouth and how forcefully his tongue jabbed your teeth. 

You reached between the two of you and wrapped your hand around Din’s aching member and he whined pitifully into your mouth, bucking his hips. Dieter put his hands on his waist and dug his fingers in as he hotly growled into Din’s ear, “So fuckin’ ready, Dinny-boy!”

You notched Din’s cock at your waiting entrance and he sucked in a sharp breath through his teeth, with Dieter hushing him from behind. 

It was then that you heard him - Gary was yelling for you, Dieter or Din as he walked down the ramp towards the ‘Staff Only’ door. Dieter’s head whipped up and at his open dressing room door then back at you, eyes wide with a hesitant grin pulling at one side of his mouth. 

“You two… you keep going… I’ll - “, he stated softly, thumbs pointing at the door, and with that, he got up, threw on his robe. 

It was almost too late when Dieter bounded towards the door and he ended up slamming it behind him just as Gary walked into the hallway. 

“Bravo, I been callin’ for-” “We are meditating.”, Dieter replied, trying to keep his tone as ‘zen’ as possible as he put his palms together and bowed. “We are healing what is fractured.”

Gary stared at him for a beat before narrowing his eyes. “You’re what?” “Meditating. And you are bringing in some real bad energy, there, Gare-bear.”

“What the fuck did you just call me?”, Gary barked back, confusion and nervousness right under the surface.

Dieter smiled, keeping his voice smooth and calm. “Your negative vibes are giving you what we call ‘energy constipation’... so come in, sit on the floor with us and hum your body’s vibration to give yourself a spiritual laxative.”

Gary must have thought that he died and this was his own personal hell. He stared at Dieter for a second too long, trying to find anything to say, but only managed a hoarsely gruff “No.” before he turned and left the hallway. 

Dieter watched him leave and when the ‘Staff only’ door closed, he breathed out a sigh of relief and returned to the room. 

Din had his eyes clenched shut, hissing curses under his breath as you hushed him. Dieter couldn’t ignore the want apparent in your voice. 

“He in yet?”, he asks softly, crawling in behind Din again. He noted you giving him a nodding shrug and he nodded back. “Buddy, come on…”

Dieter gripped Din’s hips and pushed them forward gently enough for his cock to wedge its way into you. You gasped and gripped Din’s shoulders.

“Ohgodohgodohgodohgodohgod!”, Din whined out as his cock moved into you. He tilted his head back, his adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed.

Din was thick and you were torn between feeling honored that you were the first to feel his girth stretch your pussy and what a shame it was that he wasn’t getting his hog sucked or fucked regularily. As his coarse hairs at the base of his pressed up against your clit, your mind went blank. Sure, you’d had dicks of all sizes throughout your trysts and encounters, but Din was the biggest. Even Dieter, with his extensive experience, couldn’t compare to how big Din was and what it was doing for you… apparently, size did matter.

“Jesus fuckin - Din… honey… you’re huge…”

Dieter’s hands on his hips pulled Din back and then pushed him forward. “Keep this pace…”, he murmured, peering over Din’s shoulder. “Look… look down… Jesus, look…”

Din managed to bring his head down and it was almost too much, seeing your tits rise and fall with each breath while his cock went into you and came out, shining with your arousal. 

“There’s nothing better, Dinny-boy…”, Dieter cooed before kissing his neck. You watched between slitted eyelids as one of his hands came up to Din’s chest, gently tweaking one of his nipples. 

It happened in slow motion: Din’s body jerked and he let out an agonized groan, your eyes widened and you grabbed his arms, and Dieter’s smile dropped and he pulled Din’s hips back.

Din’s cock was already spewing white, pearly cum as it popped up and out of you. His come dribbled out of your pussy and off your mound, lips and the creases where your thighs met your crux, pooling under you. All three of you were breathing heavily, while Din’s brows furrowed above his clenched eyes and you and Dieter exchanged glances.

The quiet of all of your breathing was cut by Dieter scoffing, “Well that was fuckin’ rude.”

You stared at him, completely disgusted by his audacity and snapped, “Bravo, what the fuck??”

Din murmured “I’m sorry.” and you sympathetically rubbed his arm.

“It’s okay… we ca-we can try again?”, you offered softly.

Dieter scoffed again, sounded offended, but you weren’t sure at what. “No! I saw what you did there, Din, and that was NOT the way! You’re cleanin’ up his fuckin’ mess like a gentleman!”

“Dieter - Jesus Christ!”

He roughly grabbed Din around the waist and pulled him back with one arm and his other wrapped under his armpit in a Half Nelson, his hand gripping his hair. His grin was scarily intimidating. “Party’s not over. You’re gonna make her cum, fingers and mouth.”

Din nodded, clearly spooked but fully on board for whatever, and Dieter shoved his face into your pussy and held it there.

If Din was shaky on his first time putting his dick in a pussy, he was a natural born killer with his mouth. He took to it like a fish to water, intuitively going for your clit with tongue then his mouth. You let out a sigh and smiled, feeling like you had to fight your eyes from crossing. 

“Yeah…”, Dieter groaned, letting Din go and getting up. He pushed his weed rolling tray off the coffee table and shoved his pants to his ankles before sitting on the table and gripping his cock in his hands while he had a front row seat to Din eating you out. 

Din had watched enough porn and read enough about how eating pussy was like using your tongue to get the meat from between the bones on a chicken wing that he felt confident enough about it, and your sighs and soft breathy sounds encouraged him to keep going.

He adjusted his face lower, shoving his tongue into you and ground his nose against your bundle of nerves, sending a wave of pleasure over your body. The only thing that could dampen this was - 

“She taste good, buddy?”, Dieter grunted, tugging his cock. His face was red and sweaty and on every downstroke, his fist pushed into his belly.  

“Shut the fuck up, Bravo!”, you hissed, arching your back slightly and grabbed your tits,worrying your nipples between your fingers.

Dieter grinned, grunting, “Tell me to shut up again… I wanna cum on your tits while he tongue fucks you.”

You were about to retort, but Din moved his mouth back up to your clit, and shoved a few fingers into you and began pumping them in and out. You pinched your nipples hard and cried out, screeching his name and Din moaned and whined as your arousal squirted up his arm and on his lower face.

Dieter stood up and took a step towards you but tripped over his pants still around his ankles, falling face first on the floor.

Din sat up, his shoulders rising and falling with the biggest grin on his wet face. “You’re so pretty…”

You thought it was such an oddly innocent thing to say to you, given the things that just transpired, but you smiled at him. You both couldn’t hold back the giggles and Din caged you between his elbows as he leaned down and kissed you. 

As you made out on the couch, Dieter groaned face down on the floor. “I think I broke my dick.”

That night’s show went down as one of the best Din had ever given, while Dieter went to the hospital for a broken wrist and potentially bruised phallus. You were sure Gary knew exactly what had happened in the dressing room, but he said nothing beyond a quick nod and a maybe half smile. 

The doors opened and you looked at the rows of friends and family in rows on either side of the room, then your eyes locked with Din as he stood at the other end of the aisle, next to Dieter. His mouth twitched, showing the emotion he was trying to keep at bay, as you walked towards him. When you finally stood in front of him, he took your hand, and you both faced Dieter.

“Dearly beloved.”, Dieter started with a smile. “You are gathered here to watch me marry these two chucklefucks because I’m the one who brought them together.”

Gary huffed angrily from the front row. “Jesus Christ, Bravo.”

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[pret-boy]

I'll just answer these straight up because NOBODY LIKES ME!

1. Anywhere with my bf is great but I would love an arcade date. I wanna beat his ass at games. Or get my ass beat. Either way it's fun.

2. I just listen to mentally ill Vocaloid producers and Japanese twinks given musical talent please don't ask me anything like this again.

3. Being accepted unconditionally.

4. Taken I love my boytoy malewife husband I keep him in a small enclosure.

5. Many because I'm very very arospec and I "crush" on people for like 3 hours max and move on. So it's like a fun movie experience to me. If we're talking crushes that lasted at least a week that'd be like... six as far as I remember. People I've dated included.

6. People who are the opposite of me. I like women who are cool and collected and don't fuck with me (and older ideally) and men who are sad wet cats and would die if I looked at someone else. I've only dated the latter though. But generally I also really like people who have a darker aesthetic (regardless of personality) because I have a cutesy aesthetic and visually those are fucking awesome together.

7. Extremely. I speedrun crushes. I will crush on someone 30 minutes into knowing them (happened with my ex btw) and lose the crush the next day. I don't even know if they count as crushes they're like just a fun little thing to spice up an otherwise boring day for me.

8. I honestly don't care. I'd like something wholesome and fluffy though, like festive movies. Christmas movies yay!

9. Sunflowers and lilies.

10. Neither you nor I know. No one does. Divine inspiration strikes me at random. I don't know what a musical note even is but I composed and played a short tune for my ex on our anniversary out of fucking NOWHERE because I wanted to surprise him.

11. Idk.

12. Anything and everything really but giving I'm more of a quality time and words of affirmation person (with acts of service on the side), receiving I like quality time too.

13. My bf's been calling me "darling" lately and it really melts me like fucking butter. So cute.

14. No.

15. Not at the moment actually. I've been busy so I haven't gotten into any new media and my old fictional crushes fizzled out. Does my bf's oc count? I'm obsessed with them.

16. Both are good I'm not picky. If I had to pick, quiet. It's cuter. Yeah boy quiet down. I like men who know their place and shut the fuck up. I really liked this guy in my class who sat next to me and this other girl and we would yap the whole time while he sat there with his knees pressed together and hands folded in his lap like a good little Victorian maiden, not even uttering a single word. Like yep thats a good man right there. Keep that up.

17. Every man I relate to is bisexual. Because I said so.

18. My boyfriend. Pizza.

19. Can't let the hoes know my music taste lest I scare them.

20. Idk. I get a lot. I guess my boyfriend saying I'm scary and he finds it hot is the best recent one.

21. ALL WHEN YOU'RE MY BOYFRIEND BECAUSE HE'S CUTE AS HELL!!!! But in general I love cheek kisses. I'm a serial cheek kisser. Toxic masculinity be damned my boy (me) can kiss his friends on their cheeks and hold them affectionately.

22. Back.

23. I won't say because it's an instant giveaway to who I am fr. I'm like the only man that insane about him.

24. NOTHING THAT BRINGS ME PLEASURE MAKES ME FEEL GUILT! I AM HEDONISTIC AND FREE!

25. I love PDA. Not hardcore making out in public or some shit but y'know.

26. Gently? Also with jokes and if I'm upset because of someone, hate on them and tell me you will hex them and they're ugly and doomed to die alone while I'm beautiful and a winner and god's favorite (all very true btw). I love envisioning my opps' downfalls.

27. PSYCHOLOGICAL TORTURE! PLAYFUL BULLYING! PUTTING MY BELOVEDS IN A CAGE! BEING INSANE! YAPPING ABOUT THEM 24/7! MAKING THEM SCARED! MAKING THEM CRY! WAITING FOR THEM TO COME BACK WHEN THEY'RE BUSY! MAKING TIME FOR THEM! SENDING THEM THINGS THAT REMIND ME OF THEM! TELLING THEM ABOUT MY FATHER (I FUCKING HATE MY FATHER)! And of course comforting them and making them feel safe. Also beating the shit out of my loved one's enemies (for real) and praying on their misery. I have a lot of loving sadism in my heart but also I'm a sweetheart angel who loves people unconditionally and doesn't know what the word grudge means. Unless you're mean to my loved ones then I'll fucking kill you.

28. Both. Whatever my bf wanna be I'll be the opposite I'm a very accomodating and flexible man.

29. I love sad wet cat pathetic loser men so much I wish they were real.

mlm ask game!

1. ideal date location?

2. favorite mlm song?

3. what makes you feel loved?

4. are you single or taken?

5. how many crushes have you had?

6. what's your type?

7. do you develop crushes quickly?

8. best show or movie for a date night at home?

9. what are your favorite flowers?

10. what would you give as a gift on an anniversary?

11. what's your favorite album?

12. what's your love language?

13. what are some pet names that make you blush?

14. do you read fanfiction?

15. any fictional crushes?

16. loud boys or quiet boys?

17. any characters you headcanon as mlm?

18. what's your comfort food?

19. last song you listened to?

20. best compliment you ever received?

21. kiss on the lips, cheek or forehead?

22. scalp massage or back massage?

23. any celebrity crushes?

24. what's your guilty pleasure?

25. do you like PDA?

26. how do you prefer to be comforted?

27. favorite way to express affection?

28. big spoon or little spoon?

29. freebie! ask or prompt to share something random

[samandcolbyownme]

how about sam x reader fluffy shit where reader is being targeted on an investigation (kinda like kris at the crescent hotel) and he's super protective over her. bro WILL fight a ghost

Warnings: spooky themes, ghost hunting, reader being targeted by the spirits, Sam being protecting, swearing, being scared, mentions of feeling sick, talk of cancer, mentions of death, haunted hotel, spooky fluff

Word Count: 12.1K | unedited

DISCLAIMER: I will be changing things to fit reader into the video, so I’ll be adding/ taking some stuff away. It will also just be Sam, Colby, and reader in this fanfic. Enjoy!

─── ※ · 𝕏 ℙ 𝕃 ℝ · ※ ───

“Y/n, how are you feeling?” Sam looks back at you with the camera in his hand, “Are you ready for this?”

“I am super into ghost stuff, so I’m excited about this, but I’m also super, super terrified.” You laugh and Sam smirks, looking back at the camera that’s facing you, him, and Colby, “Good, because this is one of the most haunted hotels in all of America.”

You look at Colby with wide eyes and he does the same to you, causing you both to laugh as Sam continues, “We’ve been wanting to come here for years.”

Colby nods, “This place has a lot of messed up history.”

“With that, why don’t we go on inside and come face to face with what we’ll be working with tonight, yeah?” Sam nods and you and Colby follow him into the hotel.

“Oh my gosh.” You leave them to walk over and crouch down infront of a couch that is holding a cat, “Look at you!”

You reach out and scratch under its chin, “You are so cute!”

“Is this the cat manager, Morris?” Colby asks as he gently drags his hand over the cat. Sam nods, “This could be Morris the new cat manager.”

You look up, “Are we looking at a ghost right now?”

Sam and Colby laugh and Colby shrugs, “Could be. When this hotel was first started, they had a general manager, which was the cat.”

“Wasn’t it an orange tabby cat?” You ask, still giving the cat in front of you attention, and Colby nods, “Yeah, it was a little orange tabby cat.”

“They made a cat the general manager?” Sam asks as he laughs, “Oh my god.”

“Yeah! They made the cat the general manager, and when it passed away there was like three hundred people who showed up to its.. death ceremony?” Colby tilts his head and points, “Funeral. I mean.”

You laugh and look at Colby, “I like death ceremony way better.”

“Yeah it’s way cooler.” Sam agrees and you finally stand up, pointing to the cat, “If I need more pillows, you’re who I’m calling.” You give him a wink as you click your tongue and Sam and Colby laugh.

You make your way to the steps and follow Sam up as he pans the camera around, “Oooh my god.”

“This is so siiick!” Colby looks around as he walks up and Sam shakes his head, “This just screams haunted, anything with a spiral stair case like this just give off that vibe.”

“I can one hundred percent agree to that.” You laugh, “they just give me a weird vibe.”

You walk up onto the floor and Sam is slightly freaking out about the lay out. You look around and sigh, “I’m sorry, I have to say this. It’s giving, the shining vibes, like two little girls are just going to stand at the end of the hallway or something.”

“It is!” Colby laughs, “Like a little kid is going to speed around the corner or a tricycle. Oh hell no! Why did I say that!?”

“Oh my god. We’re just.. asking for shit to happen.” Sam laughs as he hands Colby the camera, “Okay. So this.. is what you need to open..” he pulls a key from his pocket, “A fuckin’ old school key.”

“Oh my god, that’s actually so cool, look at that thing!” You walk up and look at the key is Sam’s grasp, “Holy fuck.”

“This is for room 202.” Sam says as he hands you the key. You take it, “What happens in this room?”

“There’s usually a person who stands at the end of the bed and stares at you sleeping.” Sam explains and your eyes go wide, “Oh fuck.”

“He screams nightmare! Nightmare! Nightmare!” Colby adds, immediately causing laughter to erupt with his words.

“Are you serious?” You ask in between laughs, and Colby shakes his head as he shrugs, “I don’t think so.”

Sam shakes his head, “Room 202 is said to be one of the most haunted rooms in the entire hotel. A lot of people see a waiter, coming in and out with trays during the night.”

“Trays.. of what?” Colby asks as he furrows his brows and Sam stares at him with a blank expression, “Butter.”

Colby looks at him and you stifle back your laughter as Colby sighs, “okay.. the other legend about the room is that there’s a lady that appears at the foot of the bed, dressed in a Victorian outfit that will just watch you sleep.”

Sam cringes, “oh god.”

“We’re gonna be okay tonight.” You say in a higher pitched voice, “everything is going to be just.. fine.”

“It’s going to be okay.” Colby adds in and Sam shakes his head as his face changes to a scared expression, “It’s not going to be okay, actually. Not at all.”

You move down the hall to the door and you walk up with the key. Sam walk up with you and he leans in to point, “So you open the door over there but then you open the door..” he point to the knob in the center of the door, “From the middle.”

“Whoa, okay. That’s kinda weird, but I like it.” You laugh slightly as you lean in to put your ear up to the door as Sam uses the door knocker to knock.

He leans in, his eyes on yours as he does the same thing as you, “I hear laughing.” He whispers as he points behind him and you stand up laughing, “I think that’s a ghost behind us.”

“Yeah, definitely a ghost.” Colby whispers and you lean back into the door, “Hold on..” you blink and look around as you listen, “No I really do think I hear something. Listen to that.”

You stand up and Sam moves to press his ear to where yours was.

Colby puts the camera real close to Sam’s face and he hits the metal door knocker which causes him to jump back, “Whoa!” Sam laughs, “You know what, this is your room.”

“No, no. I’m good.” Colby argues back and you roll your eyes, “I’ll opened it.” You laugh as you walk up to the door and you open it, gasping as it opens, “Oh shit.”

You peak in, “Oh. It’s actually really nice.” You look back at Sam and Colby and Colby laughs, “Aww!”

They follow you in and Sam groans, “Colby, you got a dang suite, what the hell!?”

You stand at the end of the bed, “So, what? Hes just going to stand here and he’s going to be like, nightmare! Nightmare! Nightmare!”

Colby laughs, repeating nightmare a few times.

Sam laughs, walking up, “I don’t know about the nightmare part, but yeah.”

Colby walks over to the window, “Dude! It looks like a freaking horror movie outside!”

“No it does! It’s so insane!” You walk over and look out of the window, “You guys picked the absolute best time to do this.”

Sam looks at you, “is that.. sarcasm.. or?”

“Yeah.” You click your tongue and nod and he laughs, “Alright. Sweet.” He shakes his head and you smile at him and Colby walks over, “There’s like a mist out there, what the fuck.”

Sam opens the door to the balcony and you follow him out, “Look at this.” You grab the railing, “This is such a small railing, like..” you look over the edge, “You could easily just toss yourself over.”

Sam looks at you, “Don’t.. say that.” He laughs nervously, moving over to grip your waist and pulling you back, “Don’t give the ghosts any ideas, please.”

You laugh and step back, standing next to him and Colby points, “Look there’s the hot tub, if you can get through one of these little squares, you got it.”

“And what, land in two feet of water?” He tilts his head, pretending to die, “Bleck.”

“I’m gonna do it. For five bucks. I’ll do it.” You laugh as you walk over to look down at the hot tub, and Sam shakes his head, “No, no. There’s- let’s go back inside.”

He grabs your arm, all of you laughing as he leads you back in from the balcony.

He walks over to the door, “How do you..” he stop trying to open the door and gives you and Colby a defeated look, “I think we’re locked in.”

“Are you serious?” Colby asks, concern in his words and you break the tension by telling, “Nightmare! Nightmare! Nightmare!”

You all laugh and then Sam goes back to trying the door, “Oh thank fuck.” He pulls the door open and you all walk out.

Colby hands Sam the camera before talking, “So the Crescent Hotel, a building that’s literally been around since 1886. It was a hotel for a majority of the past but it was also a all women’s college..” he tilts his head, “..which is interesting, because there’s actually a story of a student who asked for a ouija board because she felt weird vibes here.”

“I get weird vibes but you ain’t seeing me ask for one of those. Uh huh, no way. No thank you.” You laugh slightly, looking around, “I don’t mess with them.”

“Yeah, no. I don’t think we’ll need one of them.” Sam laughs slightly as he hands the camera back to Colby, “So even before this main story we’re about to talk about, people were already thinking it’s haunted for a hundred years .”

“Just by looking at it, you can tell.” You add in and Sam nods, “no literally, as we were driving up I was like holy fuck, look at this place.” He shakes his head as he takes the camera back from Colby.

“And then.” Colby starts with a scoff, “It all went to shit, when a man named Norman Baker, a con man, in nineteen thirty seven, turned this place into a hospital.”

“Didn’t he trick hundreds of people with saying he could cure cancer or whatever?” You ask and Colby nods.

“Yeah, and then..” Sam starts, handing the camera off, “after the Great Depression, this town was hurting, pretty bad. But, Norman Baker came to town as one of the wealthiest people to hit the town, and he completely reinvented the place.”

“Which, I’m guessing that was good for the town and it made the townspeople overlook the fact that he had not the best intentions?” You tilt your head as you look at Sam and he smiles slightly, giving you a nod, “Right. He came in, named the hotel Baker Hotel.”

“After himself of course.” Colby scoffs with a laugh and Sam nods, “Right, like okay.” He laughs and continues, “it was also known for being the place that sick folks get well.”

Colby shakes his head, “That was a big ass lie.”

Sam and only finish up giving the backstory on the hotel, and you make your way down the hall, “Oh my god, every haunted hotel has a long corridor with a giant ass mirror at the end.”

“Yes!” Colby agrees, and you look at Sam, “It does! How crazy is that?”

“I feel like we’re back in the eighteen hundreds.” Sam laughs and you all walk up to the mirror. You bring your hand up, gently tapping on it as you listen.

“Do you hear something?” Sam asks and you look up with a laugh, “I hear something but I don’t know what it is.”

Colby points, “I think it’s this loud ass fan.”

“Oh.” Sam laughs, “Yeah that would be it.”

“Mirror selfie!” Colby says as he fixes his hair to stand in front of the mirror. Sam moves next to him, and you crouch down in between them, pulling up your phone to snap a picture, “Say Spooky haunted hotel!”

“Spooky haunted hotel!”

“Alright, now that we did our infamous hotel mirror photoshoot.” Sam laughs, “Let’s go to the elevator.”

You make your way down the hall and step onto the elevator, “Alright.” Sam says as Colby points the camera towards him, “You will see people come into this specific elevator, from the second floor, where we just were, and ride up and down the elevator with them and then when they leave the elevator..”

“The person actually isn’t there.” You press your lips together tight as Sam nods, “The person actually isn’t there.”

“Oh I just got goosebumps.” You run your hand up and down your arms, “Fuck.” You laugh nervously, “I’m so exited yet so scared for this.”

“There’s clear ass apparitions in this specific elevator.” Sam looks from you to Colby and back to you. You sigh, “Sam.” You shake your head, “You’re not helping.”

“What?” He laughs, “I’m just saying what we’re getting into.”

“I know.” You groan, “I know.”

“Yeah, I hate that.” Colby laughs, and you jump slightly when the elevator dings, “Fuck.”

“You are jumpy, holy shit.” Sam teases, “You sure you-“

“Yes. I want to do this.” You laugh as you walk past him and off the elevator, “Oh look. World famous, or.. almost world famous..”

“Almost world famous.” Colby laughs as he points the camera close to the arrow sign, “That’s funny, I like that they added that.”

As you make your way down the hall, Colby yells, “whoa, dude. Y/n. That fan is going to fall on your head.”

You look up, “That’s so unsafe looking. But I mean, if it does, then I’ll be a ghost here.” You tilt your head, “I’m kind of for that, though. I’m not going to lie.”

They laugh and you make your way down the hall to where Sam’s room is, “Is this where our room is?” Colby asks and Sam slowly turns around, “My room? You’re staying in 202 remember?”

“Oh you were serious?” Colby frowns and Sam laughs, “Um, yes. Why wouldn’t I be serious?” He pulls a key from his pocket, “My room is in a back fucking corner, what the hell?” He laughs nervously, “Whoa, what the hell is this?”

“It’s a secret passage way!” Colby points to the small door right next to Sam’s door, “Look at the scratch marks!”

“That’s really freaking creepy, the hell?” You run your fingers down the three scratches and Sam points to his door, “Why did this get destroyed so much? Was yours like that?” He looks at Colby and Colby’s furrows his brows, “I’m not staying in that room.”

“I will.” You raise your hand, “And I don’t think it was damaged like that.”

Sam stares at you, almost like he’s mentally trying to tell you no, you’re not staying in that room alone. You furrow your brows, “What?”

Sam shakes his head, “I gotta be honest, I don’t like the idea of you being in 202, like that..”

“I’ll be fine, Sam. I promise.” You give him a smile, but it fades when his face stays the same, “Seriously, Sam.”

“Y/n, I’m serious too when I mean I don’t like that idea. Like if something happens to you.. I will literally square up with a ghost.”

Colby laughs, “Oh I would love to see that.”

You laugh slightly, “If anything happens, I’ll come find you. You know that. If it gets to be too much, I know when to stop. I know my limit.”

“You always try to push that limit, y/n.” Sam tilts his head slightly, “I don’t want that happening, not here. Not in this place.”

“Fine.” You raise your hands in defense, “I won’t push my limit.”

He holds up his hand, “Pinky swear?” You nod, locking your pinky around his, “I swear.” He nods, “Kiss on it.”

You laugh slightly and nod, “Okay.” You kiss your hand, as Sam kisses his and then he steps forward, pecking you on the lips, “Locked in.”

You smile and nod, “Yes.”

“You guys are so cute it’s actually kind of disgusting.” Colby pretends to gag and Sam sighs, “Y/n just took that room for you, don’t be hating.”

“Righr right. Thank you. You guys are absolutely adorable.” Colby laughs and you sigh, “I’ll take it.” You laugh as Sam moves to unlock his door.

“You having issues?” Colby asks as he puts the camera back on Sam and you smirk, “Performance issues.”

Sam slowly looks back at you, mocking your laugh, “Ah ha, very funny. I’m under pressure, it’s hard.”

“It’s not hard.” Colby laughs, and you walk up, “Just push it.. the key right.” Sam turns the key and the door opens. He looks back at you as Colby laughs, “Ohh, there we go! You just had to teach him a little bit yeah?”

You smile, “I guess so.” Your smile fades as the door opens wider and you shake your head, “The vibe I’m getting from this room is just.. it’s so creepy.”

“Oh now don’t say that.” Sam laughs and walks in, you and Colby following him.

“Oh, guys. This is horrifying.” You cover your mouth with your fingers, “oh my god. No wonder it’s tucked away in its own little corner.”

“419 is the most important room, and another most haunted room. It’s know to be haunted by a woman named Theodora, so we’re not exactly sure who she actually was.”

“Yeah, she could have been, what? A patient here when this was a hospital, or she even could have been a nurse?” You look at Colby from looking around the room and he nods, “Yeah either one. She’s usually spotted outside the main door of this room, fumbling with her purse or looking for her keys.”

You raise your brows, “I mean, I think I’d rather take someone outside of the room rather than inside you know?” You laugh slightly and Sam raises his brows, “Is the option to take nothing at all there because I’ll go with that option.”

“Sadly.. no.” You shake your head as you laugh and Sam sighs, “goddamn it. But, on the bright side, Theodora is said to be a nice ghost. She’ll tidy up the room I guess, like when people come in here and throw off all their clothes and go take a shower or something, a lot of people report that everything is folded up nicely.”

“I mean, that sounds pretty nice actually. Like having your stuff folded and remade instead of misplaced or something.” You look at Colby and he nods, “That actually reminds me of the same story from the Stanley.”

“Yeah.” Sam nods, “The maid from 217. And a theory about Theodora, is her being a nurse, a head nurse, until she fell ill with cancer and then she ended up becoming a patient herself, here.”

“That would be freaky.” You nod, “Maybe she’s here because she feels sorry, you know?”

“Yeah, like some guilt about what the patients went through and then what she also ended up going through?” Colby nods, “I mean, I probably would.”

You move more into the room and Sam gasps, “Look at how creepy this looks!” He points to the chairs and you get a chill, “It is so cold in here.” You point, “Oh look at the door..” you walk over, “With no door knob.”

“Is that where Theodora sleeps?” Colby laughs and you nod, laughing with him, “Yeah something is just going to come out and get you guys while you’re sleeping.”

“Don’t- that’s not-“ Sam laughs as he runs his hand through his hair, “Why would they make this so much creepier than the other room?”

You gasp, “This door is nailed shut. That’s not a good sign. Um, good luck. I’m leaving.” You walk away and turn back around, “Actually, I don’t want to be alone right now.”

“Yeah, uh huh that’s what I thought.” Sam laughs, “Stay here.”

“Yes sir.” You salute him and he rolls his eyes with a smirk, “Anyway. This room, is just- isn’t that one of his secret passages probably?”

“Maybe.” Colby nods, “it most definitely could be.”

“Oh my god.” You point to the wall over by the bed and walk over.

“Is that a picture of her?” Colby asks and you nod, “Yep. She’s going to watch you guys sleep tonight.”

“Ohh. Hey Sam.” Colby looks at Sam, “that means we’re sleeping in the same bed tonight.” He smirks and Sam gives him a seductive look before breaking into laughter, “Yeah, okay. So anyway. Theodora.” Sam walks up to the portrait.

“I can’t with this room.” You laugh slightly, “I’m so glad I chose to take 202.”

Colby laughs sarcastically and you laugh at him.

You point to a door and walk over to open it, “What’s this?” Colby walks over, “whoa, another secret passage thing.” He walks in and turns around, “Oh you have people carving in their names here.”

“That’s actually crazy.” You peak around the door and look, “Wow, okay. To each their own I guess.”

You walk into the bathroom, “Look at how small this tub is.” You step in and sit down, “Dude, look.” You sit there and wiggle your feet back and forth.

Sam walks over, peaking in before grabbing the curtain and pulling it closed, “Goodnight.”

“See ya!” Colby yells and follows Sam out of the room.

“Run, run” Sam laughs and you frantically get up, “No, no, please!”

Sam walks over and closes the door. He holds it closed as you get out of the bath and he opens it, “Alright, no I feel bad.” He laughs as he opens the door, “I’m sorry.”

You cover your face, “I saw my reflection in the mirror, I almost shit myself. I didn’t know there was a mirror on the door.”

“Aww.” Sam walks over and wraps his arms around you, “It’s okay.” He laughs and you shake your head as you laugh, “Oh my god. I’m just going to jump out of this window.”

“No, no.” Sam holds onto you and pushes you towards the door, “No ghost life for you, please.”

“Fine.” You groan with a smirk.

Soon enough, you make your way down to meet with hotel tour guide, Eddie.

“Do you believe it is actually the most haunted hotel?” Sam asks and Eddie nods, “I do.”

“Really? Why?” Sam questions and Eddie sighs, “I have experience so many things in here, it is not even funny.”

Sam asks him about his scariest experience here and he answers, “Being locked down in the morgue.” Your eyes go wide, “locked.. in the morgue? Oh Jesus Christ.”

“Yeah, almost locked down in the morgue, twice.” Eddie says and you stand there with your jaw dropped, “Oh my god.”

Eddie goes on to talk about how there’s body parts in jars that they have in a class case basically right off to the side. Then the falling woman, who basically got pushed off the balcony after finding out she was pregnant, which you might be able to see between ten thirty and eleven.

Eddie moves you guys inside to talk about the most active spirit.

“Michael, of course.” Eddie says, “He is who we consider a very, very active and intelligent spirit, especially with our ladies.”

Sam looks at you, “Heeeeey, just as I said.” He says in a sing-song tone, “I will square up with a spirit.”

Colby laughs and you shake your head with a laugh, “I’m exited.”

“Now.” Eddie looks at you, “Keep in mind, you might just feel a caress on your cheek, patting of your hair, or even maybe a little tickle on the sides.”

“Oh I hate being tickled.” You point, “Michael, you tickle me and I’ll square up with you myself.”

Sam and Colby laugh and look back to Eddie as he continues, “Michael is actually considered our original spirit.”

“Like the first one ever?” Colby asks and Eddie nods, “Yes, he actually died in the making of this hotel. And the beam he fell and died on, is now a part of 218. He also doesn’t like men being around the ladies, he kind of sees it as a challenge.”

“A competition?” Colby asks as he looks to Sam and then to you, “Uh oh.”

Sam cocks his jaw and looks down, “Oh. Boy.”

You smirk and shake your head, “It’ll be fine, it’ll be fine.”

“So, I have to ask you something.” You look at Eddie, “I’ve heard stories about a particular spirit opening locked doors.. is that Michael?”

Eddie nods, “That would be Michael. He’s known to unlock locked doors and push them open.”

“Whoaaa okay. Thats a little thing we like to call, invasion of privacy but I guess-“ he laughs and Sam shrugs, “When you’re staying in a hotel run by ghosts, I don’t think that matters.”

You decided to take a break to go out and watch for the falling woman but that’s when things started to pick up.

As you’re walking down the steps, you stop, “Sam.” He looks back at you, “What’s up?” You look behind you, “There was someone coming down the stairs behind us.”

“I thought it was Colby, but-“ you motion to Colby and Sam pans the camera to him, “Were all in front of you.”

“Out of the corner of my eye, I swear, like certain Colby was behind me.” You shake your head, “I went to turn and there was nothing and then I looked down and Colby in front of you.” You look at Sam and his eyes go wide, “What the fuuuuck.”

“Did you hear it to, like the steps?” Colby asks as he points to the stairs behind you and you nod, “Yeah, like that’s partially why I thought-“ you stop, laying your hand on your chest, “Feel my-“ you walk to Sam, “Feel my heart.”

He lays his hand on your chest, “Ohh, my god.” He looks at Colby, “Her heart is like beating super fucking fast.”

He raises his brows, “What the fuck.”

“And guys, we were just about to start the investigation. We got all of our equipment, like-“ you cut Sam off, “We’re literally being followed now.”

“We were just talking about communicating and then that happens.” Colby shakes his head, “Fucking crazy.”

You make your way outside and position yourselves so you can see the third floor balcony, hoping to catch the ghost of the woman who fell.

“Wait.” You point, “Did either of you guys turn a light on in my room?”

“No, I don’t remember anyone even touching any switches or anything.” Sam shakes his head, “Did you?” He looks at Colby and Colby shakes his head, “No?”

“Wait, what the heck is going on right now?” Sam asks and you shrug, “That’s 202. That’s the first room we went in and it was daylight out.”

“No one went back to that room since we were in it.” Colby adds, “Fucking crazy work, dude.”

“Cool. Cool.” You laugh nervously, “Fuck.”

“We can look back at the footage, maybe we’re just stupid.” Colby laughs and you nod, “Yeah, I’m going to hope that we’re all just stupid right now, because now.. I’m. Scared.”

“Spooky.” Sam says in a higher pitched tone and you laugh, mocking him, “spooky.”

As you’re looking up at the window, you gasp, “Oh my-“ you take a step back and wrap your arms around yourself as your eyes are still on your window.

Sam turns towards you instantly, “What? What happened?”

“Sorry, sorry. Im sorry.” You look away and Colby steps towards you, “No you’re good, what’d you see?”

“What the fuck just happened, y/n?” Sam hands Colby the camera and moves to, “Y/n.”

“No, no. Because I don’t want to believe what I just-“ you stop, shaking your head as you turn away. Sam rests his hand on your back, “What happened?”

Colby turns the camera light on and you sigh, “No, I just- sorry.” You block your face with your hand as your emotions rush forward, causing you to tear up, “I don’t know why this is happening.”

“Hey, hey.” Sam pulls you into him, “You’re good, okay. Don’t apologize.”

“That was fucking insane.” You look back up to the window, “Oh my god, literally..” you point, “Somebody standing in the window of my room.”

Sam and Colby look up and Sam looks back to you, “Holy shit, okay. If this is effecting you this bad, you don’t-“

“No, it’s fine. That just really caught me off guard.” You laugh, “Oh my god. I have goosebumps.” You lean into Sam’s body as he hugs you tighter, “It’s okay. You’re good.”

“That’s fucking crazy.” Colby shakes his head, “Are you- are you good to go back inside? Like do you need to take a few minutes?”

“No, I’m fine.” You laugh, “I just don’t know why I reacted that way? I’ve seen stuff like that before, I just- I’m sorry.” You laugh some more and shake your head, “Jesus Christ.”

“Do you want to sleep in our room?” Colby offers and you point to him with a laugh, “No fuck your room.”

Colby raises his brows and looks away, “Sorry I-i just, I just thought I’d offer.” He laughs and you shake your head, letting out a sigh, “Fucking hell.”

“What if it’s Michael?” Colby asks and you groan, “Oh fuck, that is his floor. Ohhh no. What if he’s waiting in the room?”

“Michael.” Sam points to the window, “You better let her alone, or I swear to god.”

“You tell him Sam.” Colby punches the air, “put him in his place.”

You laugh and Sam shakes his head, “I just-“

“We know.” Colby nods, “We can put the camera in 202. Just keep it running.” Sam nods, “Yeah because if there’s another noise, you’re not sleeping there.”

You nod, “Yeah, I’ll sleep in between you guys, I’ll be the one to push you both out of bed.” You laugh and Colby cracks up, “I mean, it would be less scary if I had your feet in my back kicking me out of bed.”

Sam laughs, “Well get to the bottom of everything, hopefully.”

Over the next few minutes, Sam keep checking on you. Asking you if you’re good and what not, Colby doing the same.

“Maybe they knew we were coming out here, like they know since that’s my room for the night, they’re kind of curious?” You sigh, “I don’t know.”

“Yeah, like nothing here is evil, so that’s a plus, maybe they’re just a group of nosey spirits.” Sam laughs slightly, “But you’re sure you good? You like instantly started crying.”

“no, yeah. I’m good. That was just..” you blow our air, “Crazy.”

You make your way back into the hotel, specifically second floor, room 202 - your room.

“I have an idea.” You say as you walk up with them to the door, “I’ll go in first, maybe?” Sam shakes his head, “You don’t have to if-“

You cut him off, “No I have to.” You laugh, “I feel like I have to.” You walk up to the door and put the key in the lock, “oh god, okay. I’m so scared.”

“We can give you like a minute and then we’ll come on after?” Sam says, and you nod, “Okay.”

You jump at the lock turning and you lean back, “What the fuck was that?”

“What this?” Colby asks, and you look back at the door, “No, my fucking key just moved!”

Everyone starts talking over each other and you shake your head, “No I didn’t touch it.” Sam gasps, “I thought you touched that?”

You shake your head, looking back down at the key, “No I didn’t-“ you take a deep breath, your voice breaking as you try not to cry, “What the fuck just happened?”

“You didn’t see it?” You look at Sam, he shakes his head, “No but I heard the turning of it, I thought you did it.”

“No.” You motion to the door, “I didnt-“

“are you okay?” Sam reaches out, “You don’t have to, if this is too much we can all go in together, holy shit you do not have to.”

“No, it’s fine.” You laugh slightly, gasping as the door opens, “Fuck, okay. It’s fine. Bye.” You laugh as you walk into the room, grabbing the other camera from Colby before closing the door.

You have the camera facing you as you just stand there for a second, your eyes scanning the area. You walk forward, looking around as you speak to the camera, “So I don’t remember putting this lamp on.”

You point to the lamp, then laying your hand on your chest, “But when I saw, whatever the heck I saw.. it was standing about here.”

You shake your head, “It was probably standing at about six two, six three at the most.” You sigh, “Fuck, okay.” You continue to scan the room, moving around to see if anything happens.

“I’m sweating so bad right now.” You laugh slightly, looking around, “Let’s go into the bathroom, see if anything is- no, I’m not even going to say that.”

You walk over to the bathroom, checking it out, and you don’t see anything, “Oh god, my heart is about to beat out of my chest.”

You walk back out and you jump at the door opening, “Are you good?” Sam asks as he walks in first. You nod, “Yeah, I’m good.”

“You okay?” He asks as he walks up to you and you nod, “Everything’s good.”

“Did you see anything weird?” He asks and you shake your head, “Literally nothing.”

You proceed to explain where and how you saw what you saw in the window, and Colby clears his throat, “You weren’t, like talking to someone in here, were you? Because we swore we heard like .. two voices.”

“I mean, I was talking to myself, to the camera, like in a whisper.” You look between Sam and Colby and Sam raises his brows, “I put my ear up to the door and it sounded like there was another person in here, did you hear another voice?”

“What? No, I didn’t hear anything.” You shake your head, “Trust me, if I heard anything but myself I’d be out.”

“That was literally the longest few minutes of my life.” Sam sighs, “Holy shit that’s intense.”

“We literally just started this damn investigation. Holy fuck.” Colby laughs as he checks his phone, “Literally not even an hour ago.”

“They did say this is the most haunted hotel.” Sam shrugs, “We’re getting what we came here for, that’s for sure.”

You walk over to the lamp, “You guys are sure you didn’t turn this lamp on?” You switch it off, “Oh, hold on. How do you- it’s not working now.” You look up at Sam and Colby, “It won’t turn on.” “

“No way it’s broken after that.” Sam shakes his head, “That’s absolutely-“ you get the light back on, “Oh okay.” You move away from it, “I’m done with the lamp.”

“Let’s just set the camera down here.” Sam walk over to the dresser and motions to the lamp, “That way we can catch to see if that goes off and on or whatever. We’ll also get most of the room right here.”

“Before we start investigating, check this out.” Colby motions for Sam to follow him. You walk out with Sam to the balcony and it looks, still, like straight out from a horror movie.

“We’re in a cloud.” Colby points, “Look at that.”

“And you know what’s even more scarier than that?” Sam asks and you sigh, “if you say the morgue I’m going to cry.”

“Please don’t cry when I say the word.” Sam looks at you sympathetically and you sigh, “I’ll do my best.”

Sam sighs, “The morgue.”

You laugh slightly to cover up your fear, “Fuck, let’s just get it over with.” You make your way to the door with Colby as Sam sets up the camera in the room.

“You sure you’re good?” He asks and you nod, “Yeah.”

“I’ve never seen you like this before, it worries both of us.” Colby tilts his head, “If you’re not, you tell us.”

“I will, Colby. I promised.” You give him a smile and glance back at Sam as he walks out and pulls the door closed.

“Hey.” Sam glances back, “This key, is like.. stuck. Very stuck in this door.” You and Colby walk over and Sam wiggles it a few times before finally getting it out, “Holy shit.”

“Alright. Let’s go.” You shake your head, “I don’t like this floor. I don’t think I’ll like where we’re going anymore, but I need off of this fucking floor.”

“Alright, alright.” Sam lays his hand on your back as you walk next to him, “I got you, we’re going.”

“Why don’t we go to the crystal dining room first? We can do the spirit box there?” Colby suggests as you get on the elevator, and Sam nods, “Yeah, that’s a good idea.”

Sam steps in front of you, his hands on your arms, “Hey, off camera really quick, are you good?” You look up at him, “Yeah, I’m good.” You nod, “I can do this.”

“Are you sure?” He raises his brows and you rest your hand on his cheek, “I promise. I’m still good.”

He nods, “Okay.”

The elevator doors open and you walk off, making your way to the dining room to meet Eddie again. Sam looks around, “What is that?”

“Is that coming from your backpack?” Colby asks as he points and Sam bends down, pulling out the spirit box, “Did I not just turn this off?”

“I just watched you turn that off.” Colby nods and Sam looks at you, “It’s cold, the blue means it’s cold. This hasn’t happened since the conjuring house.”

“That’s so weird, I mean, I got a chill when we walked down here, but I just thought it was because we were in a more open space, you know?” You look around, “That’s.. so weird.”

Sam shrugs, “This place is just filled with activity.”

You walk into the dining room and you look around, “This looks like a place where dances would be held or something.”

“Whoa.” Sam points to you, “it’s funny you say that, dancing is like a main trigger here.”

You raise your brows, “Oh, alright then.”

As Eddie is explaining, you furrow your brows, “What. Was. That?” You look at them, and Colby shrugs, “No idea.”

“So there’s two dancers.” Sam starts out, “Irene and Vernon Castle, both very, very, very, famous and they spent most of their high and social life here at this hotel, so it’s said, that if you dance to a specific ballroom song, you can see their apparitions.”

“Would anybody like to dance?” Colby chuckles and Sam moves to join Colby for said dance. You laugh quietly, watching them half jokingly sway back and forth, “Aww!”

“Oh wait!” Sam points to the light up cat balls as they go off, “Did we do that?”

“I think we did do that.” Colby laughs. Sam shows them to the camera and you stomp next to it to make them light up as he explains their purpose.

“We also have the REM pod, so if you get close to it.” Sam puts his hand close, “It’ll buzz. Especially when it touches it!” He points as it, “Imagine if it just went odd- oh my god!” He whips around as the cat ball lights up and you gasp, “Was that you Colby?”

“No I’ve been right here!” Colby points to the floor, “I don’t think it was Sam either.”

The REM pod goes off and you all start yelling, “Oh.. my god!”

“What the fuck!?”

You accidently make the other cat ball go off, causing you to jump and Sam yells, “Oh that’s just you. That’s okay!”

“Sorry!” You move away from it and Colby sighs, “Fuck you guys. Let’s dance!”

The light jazz music starts placing and he starts be bopping back and forth, “Can you guys dance to this?”

“No, give me the phone.” You laugh as you take Colby’s phone, searching up a different song, “Okay. Here we go.” You hang Colby his phone back and Sam sets the camera down, coming over to you, “Care for a dance m’lady.”

You laugh, taking his hand and he spins you around. You both aren’t serious about it, smiling and laughing as you both move back and forth. He moves over to dance with Colby and the rem pod goes off, causing Colby to yell, “Oh! The REM pod!”

“Colby grabs the camera and goes over, “Why isn’t it goes off? Did not you say it could be like a janky thing?”

Sam nods, “Yeah, it could just be a-“

You cut him off, “The cat ball!”

They both yell and back away a few steps, “Now we’re not over there.” Colby turns to face you and Sam, “Keep dancing!”

You and Sam take hands and move forward and back from each other, taking turns spinning one another as you try to stifle back both of your laughter.

Colby sets the camera down and takes Sam. You look at the REM pod and cat ball which are lighting up constantly, “Whoa it’s going off constantly!”

“See I said about the pod being janky, but that ball was like fifteen feet away from us!” Sam points as Colby shows him to the camera.

The cat ball goes off again and Sam jumps up, moving back to stand next to you, “Have either of you seen- that one has always had problems!”

It continues to go off and as Sam is standing next to you, you jump away and look down, “Did you just grab my side?” You look at Sam and he shake his head, “No, I had my hands down here- did something touch you?”

“Yeah, yeah, it felt like- here.” You place your hand on Sam’s side and gently squeeze, “Nothing hard or anything, just a gentle-“ you do it again, “Boop.”

“I think Michael has found you.” Colby laughs and you shake your head, “No thank you.”

“You heard her, Michael if that was you, go away, please.” Sam looks around and moves closer to you, “Whoa!” He points to the little up cat ball, “Dude.”

“You know when we came in the air was like.. I don’t know, still?” You shrug, “But now it’s like a breeze? It’s like flowing as if people are continuously moving.”

“Yes! I thought the same!” Colby nods.

“Okay, so that hasn’t gone off in a little, like it went off five times and now nothing? So maybe our freaking out scared them off?” Sam looks at you and Colby, and Colby nods, “Time to move on?”

“Time to move on.” Sam nods, “Let’s go get locked in the morgue.”

“Now.. sam.” You groan, “Don’t say that! You just probably jinxed our asses.”

“Oops.” Sam looks around, “I didn’t- let’s not, get locked in the morgue.” He gives and thumbs up and you shake your head, “Better, I guess.”

You gather the equipment and make your way to the morgue.

“It just got so much creepier.” Sam says as you walk down the stone walled corridor. You walk into a room lit with purple lighting and you sigh, “Oh this is super terrifying.”

You point, “Oh is that.. that isn’t what I think it is.. is it?” You look from Eddie to Sam, “Is that the tissue?”

“Some of them, some of it’s just just the medicine, some of it we don’t even know.” Eddie nods and Colby walks up, “So this could be the formula five?”

Eddie point to a few bottles that are the same size, “We believe this is, yes.”

You look around for a quickly minute and then you leave the room, heading to look at what they call, the meat locker.

“Oh this smells terrible, like rancid .” You scrunch your nose up, “You guys don’t smell that?”

Sam sniffs, “No I can’t smell anything.”

“There’s no way you guys can’t.” You laugh in disbelief, moving to leave the room, “No way you can’t smell that. It’s bad, dude.”

“I smell , like apples?” Colby laughs and you shake your head, “Oh I gotta get out of here. It’s so gross, I feel.. sick now.”

You walk out, as as you’re walking away, you hear Sam talk to Colby, “Here, take this. I’m gonna go check on her.”

You stop, turning around to see Sam walking up to you, “Do you need to go up and outside for a sec? I can go with you.”

You shake your head, ���No I’m fine now, like almost immediately after I walked out I felt fine.” You look at him, “You really didn’t smell that? Like you’re being serious?”

He nods, “Yeah, I didn’t smell anything.”

“That’s so.. weird, oh my god.” You laugh, “This place is nuts.”

Colby walks up, “You good? You guys good?”

“Yeah.” You nod, “Good.”

You walk back over with them, listening to Eddie tell his stories about how he was almost locked down here. You just kept feeling like it wasn’t just the four of you down there.

“One of us needs to go in there, just for a minute with the door shut.” Colby looks around you put your finger on your nose, Sam following, and Colby groans, “Oh fuck you guys, you guys suck.”

Colby sighs as Sam and you laugh, “I’m not going into that rancid locker. Hell no.” You shake your head and Sam nods, “Yeah, I’m not making her go in there, and I don’t want to, so.. it’s on you buddy.” He pats Colby’s shoulder, “Here’s your camera, good luck.”

Colby whines as he takes the camera, “Fine. I’ll do it.” He walks in to the room and Sam slowly closes the door, whipping his head towards you as the door makes an eerie creeping sound as it closes, “That’s the creepiest fucking door I’ve ever heard.”

“yeah, that’s awful.” You peak in and smile at Colby, “Ask some good questions.”

Colby silently mocks you as he flicks you off and you laugh as you step back. You, Sam, stand there as you wait for Colby.

You slowly turn around, “I swear to god I just seen something in the corner of my eye, like right back by that door.”

Sam looks back and then looks back to the door as Colby’s voice sounds from the other side, “Did you guys just knock on the door?”

“No.” Sam answers, “Y/n said she say something over by where we came in at, are you good?”

“yeah.” Colby answers, “I just got this weird feelings all of a sudden.”

“I just got dizzy, like it was only for a quick second but I felt like I was going to fall over for a second.” You lay your hand on your forehead and Sam moves over next to you, “Are you okay now? You don’t think you’ll pass out or anything do you?”

“what’s going on?” Colby asks and Sam leans forward to open the door, “She just got dizzy.”

“I feel like I need to go in there.” You shake your head, instantly looking at Sam, “I can’t explain it, like I feel like I need to, just for a second.” “y/n, I don’t-“

“Sam. I’ll be good. Just one minute. You can time me.”

“Okay.” He nods, motioning for Colby to give you the camera, “One minute.” He pulls his phone out, “I’m starting it as soon as the door shuts.”

You take the camera and walk in, using your sleeve to cover your nose as you turn around to watch Colby close the door.

You give it a few seconds, “If someone is in here. Please make a sound.” A few seconds after you go quiet, there’s a scraping sound, “Fuck, okay. Can you do-“

The sound happens again and you move to the door, “Okay, okay.” You push the door open, “I asked if there was anything in here, and there was this scraping, kind of like a plastic sheet dragging off of a couch sound.”

“Do you feel alright? Dizzy, or anything?” Sam asks and you shake your head, “No, but there’s definitely something in there.”

You look back at the room, “It happened twice.”

“I heard two knocks.” Colby nods, “So I agree that there is something in that meat locker. Should we, maybe, all of us go in? Turn all the lights off?” He looks at you, “If you’re up for it?”

You nod, “Yeah. I think that would be a good idea.”

“Okay.” Sam flips off the light to the room and walks in, you behind him with your nose covered, then Colby, who pulls the door shut.

“Ready?” Sam asks and you and Colby nod. Sam sighs, “Alright, three, two, one.”

Sam turns the camera light off, leaving the three of you in the now pitch black room. Almost instantly, the scraping sound happens and you whisper, “That’s what I heard.”

You quietly gag as the smell penetrates through your sleeve, “Fuck.”

“it’s getting too bad for her, let’s get out of here.” Sam nods and pushes the door open, “C’mon.”

You walk out and Sam stares at you for a second, “Good?”

“Good.” You nod, “I’m good.”

“Do you feel like they’re targeting you in any way?” He glances from you to Colby then back to you and you sigh, “I wouldn’t say targeting specifically, like the side grab wasn’t hard or anything and the smell, I don’t- I can’t even explain that.”

“Do you want to do the Planchette thing?” Sam asks and you nod, “Yeah, you’ve had good success with that.”

He nods and gets it out of his backpack to explain it to the camera as Colby holds it.

As you sit down on the ground, and Sam is explaining how to use it, you stare past him and Colby looks, “What is that?”

“he’s just really looking at us.” You point and Sam looks, “Oh him.” He laughs, “Our guide is just standing there watching.”

You and the other two move to put your two fingers on the object that’s on top of a piece of paper.

Sam takes a deep breath, “If there’s anything down here, that wants to show themselves or talk to us, feel free to use our energy ti push this pencil back and forth.”

After a few minutes, Sam looks up and Colby looks over, whispering quietly, “What was that?” He looks over at you and you shake your head, mumbling with a laugh, “I don’t like this.” “Hold on, the paper keeps slipping.” Colby fixes it, “Okay, there we go.”

After a few minutes, and the object moves and Colby looks at Sam. You hang you head down, laughing at the thought of this, “Oh this is crazy.”

“what the fuck?” San laughs nervously, “It’s moving for sure.”

“I’m like staring at our hands and it doesn’t look like anyone is pushing it, that’s the crazy thing to me.” Colby laughs slightly, “I know this doesn’t take much to push, but still, you know?”

“I promise I’m not pushing it. I’m too scared to do anything other than sit as still as I can.” You keep your head down, taking slow breathes as it continues to move.

Another few minutes goes by and Sam picks up the paper, “That looks like an S, or a two,”

Eddie walks over, “How about you come with me?”

“where the fuck did you come from? I thought you left.” You lay your hand on your chest and Colby laughs as Sam walks over to the guide.

“oh, no, no oh my god. Oh my fucking god.” Sam freaks out and you and Colby rush in to see him pointing to the cabinet in the room with all of the jars.

Colby starts freaking out.

You lean around Colby and your jaw drops, “There’s no fucking way.” You put your hands up and turn around, walking out.

“There’s literally no fucking way, no fucking way.” Sam says, “That is fucking almost identical, what the fuck!?”

Him and Colby freak out over it for a little bit longer while you stand out there trying to wrap your mind around what is happening right now.

“I’m actually shaking.” Sam holds his hand out and you step back in, “That’s fucking crazy.”

“That is fucking crazy.” Sam nods, “Holy fuck.”

“I swear to god I didn’t move it, I had no idea what it was going to be. I didn’t even bother looking at it the whole time we were doing that.” You put your hands on top of your head as you back out of the room, “Oh my god.”

“On ghost hunters, they caught the two glowing red, so I’d say that two is significant.” Eddie nods and Sam points to you, “You saw something a little bit ago when Colby came in here.”

You nod, “Yeah, but why that locker? What’s in it?”

“It’s just more of this.” Eddie motions to the full jars on the wall behind him.

“no, when we bought this, I truly did not believe in it worth shit. This is the third time we’ve done it, and every time it worked.” Sam explains excitedly, “Fucking crazy dude.”

For a moment there, you thought the ghost in the window was the worst thing of the night, the. It switched to the number two on the locker, but to your surprise, things kept getting worse.

After finishing up in the morgue, you all headed back up to your room, room number 202.

“I’m going to start recording now, and we’ll go check on your room to see if anything changed.” Sam looks back at you and you nod, “Okay.”

You walk up to the door, unlocking it and pushing it open before walking in. You scan over the room, immediately going to the bathroom as Sam and Colby check the camera.

You stand there, your jaw slack in shock as you turn to gave the door.

“What’s wrong?” Sam walks over to you as you come out of the bathroom, “Y/n.” You walk to the bed, “I made a mental note..” you turn to walk back into the bathroom, “That this towel, was draped over the side of the bathtub like this..” you move the towel from the against the wall, back to where you said it was.

“I made the mental note, just so I could know for sure, but I wonder if maybe when I was in here recording myself maybe I got it on camera?” You point, “Because that is fucking weird.”

“let’s check it out.” Sam nods, handing Colby the camera so he can grab the one you used earlier. You go and sit with Sam on the small couch, leaning over as he goes back to the footage of it just being you.

“Okay, so here you are, going into the bathroom.. and..” he looks at you, “It’s not against the wall, it’s not in the corner, you can see it right there!”

Your one hand flings up to cover your mouth, while you grab Sam’s arm with the other, “Oh my god!”

“It’s draped over the side like she said it was!” Sam looks up at Colby and then to you. Colby walks over,“Like actually? Let me see!”

Sam shows Colby the video and Colby’s jaw falls open, “Holy fuck. We do this shit all the time and somehow I still can’t believe we catch this shit.”

Sam nods, setting the camera down to lay his hand on yours, “No literally, like all the damn time.” He looks over at you, “Are you good?”

“y-no., that’s fucking insane, like that just proves that there’s something in this fucking room.” You stand up and slowly walk away to pace.

Sam stands up, watching your pace back and forth over the floor.

“so..” Colby turns his phone light on, “I have.. another scary thing to say.”

You look up at him, “Oh, that’s just fucking great. What?”

Colby walks over to the window and shines his light, “Tell me this doesn’t look like lips a nose and a chin on the window.”

Your hands fly to your mouth, “Oh my god, it is. It fucking is.”

Sam wraps his arm around your waist and covers his mouth, “that looks like something was presses against it looking in.”

“we’re on the second fucking floor!” Your voice goes a bit higher with fear, “There’s no fucking way, no fucking way. No. No.” You point your finger, “No.”

“it’s non stop.” Sam shakes his head and Colby sighs, “The most haunted hotel in America.”

You keep looking from the window back to the bathroom. You were in, what felt like shock, “there’s no way this is happening. Like I know it is, but I just-“ you shake your head, “Oh my god.”

“We have one final investigation, y/n. It’s up to you on whether or not you want to continue.” Sam looks at you and you take a deep breath, holding it in for a moment before breathing out, “Let’s just do it.”

“You’re sure?” He raises his brows, and you nod, “Yeah, this is too crazy not to finish. I’m fine.”

“okay.” He looks at Colby and Colby nods, “Let’s do this.”

You guys sit down for a second, just to recollect everything. Colby films Sam as he talks about the next, and last investigation of the night, “So it’s getting late, it’s currently..” He looks at his phone, “One fourteen in the morning, and we’re thinking we’re just going to do our final investigation in 419, the most haunted room, and just try to talk to everything at once.”

You look around as Sam continues, “We’re going to invite any spirit that is here, anything that’s been showing themselves to us throughout the entire night, to whatever moved the goddang towel.” He laughs slightly, “If you want to come up with us, you’re welcome to follow us just to, our next room.”

“you ready?” Colby looks at you and you nod, “Yep. Let’s do it.”

You head down to 419, and you and Colby make your way into the room while Sam goes to the bathroom.

“Before Sam gets back, are you really okay?” Colby looks over at you as he sets the camera down, “It’s totally okay if you’re not.”

You take a deep breath, “To be honest Colby, if I was with anyone else, I probably would have been at my limit already. I mean, this isn’t a bad hotel, like Sam said before, there isn’t any bad spirits here, it’s just the stuff that’s actually happening. The face print, to the towel moving, like it’s all just mentally.. confusing? You know what I mean?”

He nods, “I know what you mean. Doing this has taken a lot out of us some times. I’m just glad that you feel safe enough with us to keep doing this. You know damn well Sam would try to fight a ghost for you.”

You smile, laughing as you nod your head, “I don’t know how far he’d get with that, but I know Michael is living for it.”

Colby laughs and nods, turning his head as you hear knocking on the door, “That has to be Sam.”

“Or Theodora coming to fold some towels.” You give yourself the chills, “I hope it’s Sam.” You walk over with Colby, watching as the door opens and you immediately start laughing, “Oh my god.”

“Are you ready to summon Norman Baker!?” Sam comes in and dances around the room.

“You said you were going to the bathroom!” Colby laughs, recording Sam as he continues dancing, “What the shit?”

“I’m gonna summon Norman fuckin’ Baker in my purple sweatsuit.”

“where.. the hell did you even acquire something like this, Sam? Where did you have this stashed?” You look him up and down and laugh, “Oh my god.”

“I just wanted to be like Norman Baker.” He pulls the mask down from his mouth, “His favorite color is purple.”

You shake your head and walk over to sit down in one of the chairs, Sam follows and sits next to you, taking off the purple ski mask fully.

“You look like a nurse!” Colby says as he walks over, and Sam gasps, “Ohhh!”

You nod, “Yeah, he does.”

“Theodora is a nurse.” Sam looks over at you, “Like the head nurse.” You nod, “Sam, you nailed it with this one.” You laugh, “I can’t believe you’re wearing a rom- sorry, Momper.” You glance at the camera, “A man romper, but you look good in purple.”

“thank you. Thank you.” He smirks, “So anyway. This is one of our favorite methods of communication, they’re just.. regular flashlights.”

“yeah, yeah, I was with you guys at the, fuck, what’s it called.. the um, the fort something.. I can’t remember.” Colby snaps, finishing what you’re trying to say, “Yeah, yeah, Fort Henry.”

“that’s it.” You nod, “That was mind blowing, to say the least.”

“So you’ve seen how well this works, and then we have this device, called the Ovilus, it generates words based on frequencies. It also has a dictionary, so whatever comes here can speak back to us.” Sam smiles, “This shit is crazy.”

He looks around, “So we are here in Theodora’s room and I am wearing purple for Norman Baker.”

“it’s blue.” Colby whispers, and Sam looks up at him, “What?”

Colby speaks up, laughing slightly, “It’s blue.” Sam sighs and shakes his head, “If this color..” he points to himself, “Is blue, can you go up and tap the blue flashlight?” He turns around, “just go up, hit it, and it’ll turn on.”

Sam turns back around, and gives it a few seconds. You sit there quietly, looking at the device in his hand.

Sam points to Colby, whispering harshly, “I told you.” He flicks him off and Colby pans the camera to you.

You shrug and laugh quietly, “Leave me out of this.”

Colby turns the camera around to himself and he whispers as he flicks you and Sam off, “Fuck you, fuck you guys!”

“okay, but seriously.” Sam stops just as the red flashlight on the table turns on.

“oh my god.” You bring your hands to your face, “Oh my god.”

Colby points, “Theodora, if you’re with us, can you turn this off right here.” After a few seconds of it staying on, Colby turns the camera back to you and Sam, “Could it be Norman?”

“oh my god.” Sam shakes his head, “If your name is Norman Baker, if you recognize the name, can you turn off that red flashlight.”

Sam wasn’t even done speaking and the light went off. He stands up as you all gasp and yell, “Oh my god!”

Colby stands up, pointing behind you, “That one turned on! That one turned on!”

“it went off almost instantly.” You look behind you as Colby asks a question, “Do you not like talking about Norman Baker? Can you let us know if you want us to change the subject?”

You the a deep breath, “Did Michael follow us up here?”

“oh shit.” Colby whispers, “Maybe he did.” Sam yells and points behind you as the blue flashlight on the mantle turns on, “Ooooh!”

You gasp and pull your hood on your sweatshirt over and around your face as you let out a whine, “Noooo!”

You feel Sam’s hand lay on your shoulder and you look up, glancing back at the flashlight, “I don’t like it, I don’t like it, Michael. No.”

“let’s test it.” Sam nods, “If your name is Michael, can you turn off that blue flashlight on three?”

“one.”

“two.”

the flashlight goes off and you whip around, covering your face, “Noooo!” You stand up, shaking your head as you walk further away from the flashlight, “Oh my god. I cannot.”

“that was even on three.” Colby laughs, and Sam stands up, stepping closer to you as you speak, “Michael, I don’t know what you want, I can’t give you what you want.” You shake your head and walk back over to sit down in the chair.

Sam sits down next to you, “Ask another.”

“Michael.” You sigh, “If you want to talk to me, can you give me a sign of some sort? Touch the flashlights, or tell me on the device in my hand.”

Sam points to your hand, “If you speak right into this device, we can hear ya.”

“wait.” Colby stands up, “Is the ac on?”

“what?” Sam asks and Colby points, “Didn’t we turn that off?”

“it’s off.” You nod, and Sam agrees, “we turned it off.”

“I just felt like a cold breeze go this way.” Colby points, “Like on the back of my neck.”

Sam takes the device from your hand, “can you give us a hint as to who you are? We’d love to hear your story and speak to you directly.”

he pauses for a brief moment, “Occupation, or your name.” you gasp and point to the blue flashlight, “That just turned on.”

Sam keeps his eyes on the light, “Did you work here at the hotel? If so, can you turn that flashlight off?” the flash light goes off and Colby gasps slightly, “Ooh, okay. Um, Michael worked here, right? Wasn’t he a construction person?”

you and Sam both nod, “Yeah.”

“Maybe it’s time for that system, so we can get more clear answers.” Colby suggests and sam nods, holding up the device in his hand as Colby explains it, “So we have a piece of ghost equipment called the spirit box, if you come up and talk to it we can hear exactly what you’re saying through radio frequencies. If you’d like to use that give us an obvious si-“

“on, on on.” You point to the flashlight, “That’s on.”

“literally right as I said it, too!” Colby backs up, “Shit, okay. Since the spirit box wasn’t working, why don’t we take it up a notch and do the Estes method?”

“let’s do it.” Sam nods and you stand up, “I love this method.”

you move to the end of the bed, sitting next to Colby as he explains how it works for the camera.

“If anything goes weird, we’ll pull you out.” Sam assures and you nod as you get the blindfold ready, “I appreciate it.” You smile as you tie the blindfold around your head to cover your eyes and you put on the headphones that are producing a noise cancelling static.

Colby calls your name a few times, asking if you can hear him but you don’t budge. All you hear is static. “perfect.” Sam nods, and instantly after, you speak, “No man.”

Sam and Colby look at each other trying to figure out who doesn’t like men and Sam gasps, “Michael? Is this Michael?”

You stay still, repeating the words that you hear, “Girl I want you.”

Colby gasps, along with Sam, “Ohhh my fucking god!”

Colby looks back at you, “Michael, do you want y/n?”

You stay still, “Rope.” Colby shrugs, “He fell, didn’t he?”

Sam scoffs, “Yeah, or it’s like.. sexually?” Colby nods, “Yeah, like kinky shit.”

“Tell me… where you are now.”

Colby’s jaw drops as he looks at Sam to whisper, “I can hear this in her headphones.”

“I’m going to..” you shake your head, pausing. Sam picks up, “Where ya goin’?”

“what are you gonna do?” Colby asks, but you don’t say anything for a moment.

“I’ve worked here..”

Colby gasps and Sam tilts his head as he asks, “Did you work here with patients?” It’s silent for another few moments. “Children.”

“what would children- there was a children’s wing.” Sam nods, “This could be a nurse.” Colby looks from Sam to you, “can you give us a hint on who you are or what’s going on?” You shake your head slightly, “War..”

“The civil war?” Sam questions, “Wasn’t that like in the same city?”

“We are..” you pause, “Gone..”

“We are gone?” Sam repeats, and Colby looks at you, “Are you trapped here?” You don’t say anything for an another moment, “Empath.”

Colby gasps, “Can you tell that y/n is an empath? Have you been showing yourself to y/n all night?” Sam and Colby stare at you as they await for a potential answer.

“patience.”

“uh oh.” Sam shakes his head, “I don’t-“

You cut him off, “A man.”

“Are you the man that y/n saw in the bedroom, in the hotel room?” Sam asks, and it’s silent for another few minutes.

“God was here.”

“were you watching us from the window when we were outside?” Colby asks and again, silence for a few moments.

”I’m in the room.”

Sam gasps as Colby raises his hands to his face.

“what the fuck?” Sam whispers loudly as he looks at Colby then quickly back to you, “oh fuck, where are you?”

You shake your head, “That was so clear, I don’t know what is going on.”

“where are you in the room? Can you you point or show us?” Sam asks, “Fuck, Colby.”

Colby nods, looking from Sam to you, “Could it have been like the man in the window from her room or-“

you cut Colby off, “In the corner.”

“what the fuck!?” Sam yells, “In this corner?”

“glass.”

“glass?” Colby repeats, “no they’re talking about the other room.” Sam nods, “the window, and being in the room.”

“Holy shit.” Colby shakes his head, “I think this is Michael.”

“I fucking hope not.” Sam laughs slightly, “Can you confirm for us-“

“I like to dance.” ”were you in the ballroom with us?” Sam asks, pausing to wait for your response, but you say nothing. Colby speaks up, “Have you been following us all night?”

After a minute, you still don’t answer, so Colby asks again, “Can you confirm that you’re Michael.” he shakes his head, “That’s all we wanna know.”

“what’s your job, or-“

you cut Sam off, “I am here.”

Colby points to Sam and Sam yells, “oooh my god get her out, get her out, Colby.” Colby reaches over instantly and lays his hand on your shoulder. He reaches up to take off the headphones and you take off your blindfold, “Was it good?”

“ho-ly shit.” Sam says excitedly, and you look up at him, “I forgot about being here, like I forgot you guys were here.”

“well.. we asked if Michael was here and if he could confirm and you said, I’m here.” Your jaw drops and you shake your head, “Oh no no no.”

“and right at the beginning it was like girl I want you.” Sam laughs, “Good luck, Michael. Shes mine. You can’t have her.”

you laugh, shaking your head, “Good god. That actually gave me chills, that freaked me out majorly.”

“wait, really?” Sam asks and you nod, “yeah, it was like the most clear thing. It through me off at first, and then it just kept going.”

“listen, I don’t think Michael is a bad spirit.” Colby starts, “I think he was just following us the entire night. Just trying to get y/n’s attention.”

“fucking crazy st-“ you stop, gasping as you look behind you. Colby motions and Sam looks over, “What is that?”

“someone is probably in- I don’t know, what time is it?” You look up at Sam and Colby shrugs, “Go look.”

Sam walks over to the door and Colby follows, “There’s no door open, maybe someone opened it and then closed it after a second.” Sam whispers and you let out a shakey sigh as they walk back over.

“oh my goodness.” Sam sits across from you and Colby, “I can’t..” he stops and Colby shakes his head, “This entire investigation..” he motions and covers his gave.

You nod, “Just crazy.”

“I mean, it makes so much sense.” Sam starts as he looks at you, “He showed himself to you, and then he talked to you.”

“yeah, yeah. Crazy.” You laugh, “I don’t.. think I want to sleep alone, honestly.”

Sam nods, “Yeah, if Colby’s cool with it, he can stay here and the. I’ll stay with you in 202?”

Colby nods, “Yeah, that’s fine with me.”

─── ※ · 𝕏 ℙ 𝕃 ℝ · ※ ───

Thank you all so much for reading! I forgot how much fun it is to write reader into these videos! I hope you liked it as much as I liked writing it! I love you all and I will catch you in the next one! 🖤

likes and reblogs are majorly appreciated!

[jaggedamethyst]

…look for the light

joel miller x f!reader | 2.7k

pairing: joel miller (tlou) x fem reader

content: you're tired of hearing that old slogan from the fireflies...but maybe you should give it a chance.

notes: 18+ minors dni, eventual smut for the girlies (smfh + side eye) also unprotected in the heat of the moment unfortunately…dont be like them! angst because it's my specialty, mental health depictions (illusions to death, depression, etc. do not read if that's a serious trigger) this takes place in the time jump between tlou 1 and tlou 2…tons of existential crisis otw, grief, everything unfortunately…and i still don’t believe in proofreading

also this is the longest i've written so far...of course it involves joel too...hashtag need that.

 ࿐ ࿔*:·ﾟ🍂🌿༄。°          ° 。༄🌿🍂·ﾟ*࿔ ࿐

You hadn’t arrived in Jackson on your own. At the time, you were one of a family of four. As time passed, the number dwindled along with your will to live. Back when everything was normal--or as normal as it could’ve been in a world that corrupt, you saw a therapist. You knew it was in their career description to listen. It helped sometimes, others it didn’t. Overall, though, you’d say they’d done a shit job if at the first sign of loss, you wanted to cease to exist. 

When you weren’t overthinking, you found yourself on patrol. It became ironic that you rejoiced at the sight of a fresh dead body. Knowing that the person before you had made a mistake you could now avoid lit a small fire in you. The flame didn’t last long though, quickly blown out every day with a speed just as fast as its ignition. 

To be candid, there was this guy. Well, this man. You couldn’t do him the injustice of calling him anything but a man. You saw him often--sometimes to himself, others with this girl. No matter the circumstance, though, he rarely spoke. You liked that. Something about people who acknowledged their capability to not speak made you extremely happy. Silence is a valid option. 

As an observer, you learned his name was Joel, the girl Ellie. They’d arrived about the same time as you, which explained the lack of interaction. This was, of course, aside from glances, the fake half-ass smiles you exchanged, and your time on patrol together. 

Unfortunately, he was the worst. It absolutely burned you up. That, and the fact that even when he annoyed you, you wanted to have extremely private time with him. 

The first time you actually spoke, he’d found you by a stream. You didn’t know he was showing the girl, Ellie, something that day. But as you lay with your eyes closed, taking in the sunlight--a shadow cascaded over you. 

You opened one eye to see who’d stepped in the way. Before you could get a word out, he spoke, “You from Jackson?”

“Who’s asking?” You created a sort of visor over your eyes with your hand. 

He huffed, “someone from Jackson.” 

Resuming your position on the ground, you spoke, “You some sort of Jackson cop? You seem like the cop type.” 

He scoffed. You realized he did that a lot, not speaking, making annoyed sounds. Not answering questions directly. 

“You should get back.” 

With a quirked brow, you replied, “I’m good, thanks.” 

“Wasn’t really a question.”

“Didn’t say it was.” 

By this point you’d opened your eyes again, surveying the man. You kind of felt bad for being snippy but honestly, he interrupted your “alone with my thoughts” time. Some people can cope without thinking of the same incidents in a constant loop. Not you--you liked the hurt. It reminded you to be safe. To not trust people. 

Even in that position, though, you observed the man. He looked rough, but in a way that motioned toward experience. There were hints of gray in his hair, yet he didn’t look old. His shirt was slightly opened, tattered. The sheen of sweat covering him made him all the more alluring in the sunlight. 

“Are you gonna get the hell up and get a move on or what?” 

You didn’t know him at the time, or that he was trying to surprise Ellie on her birthday. Even worse, that on this day, he’d thought of his daughter. He was coping. Anyone or anything out of place was shattering the amazing plan he had made to go a day without feeling like a disappointment. 

He didn’t know that your “alone with my thoughts” time often consisted of thinking of your family. You’d willed yourself to shut your eyes tight, picturing those you lost; it was the only time you could see them. If you got lucky, you could dream of them. If you were unlucky, you’d see images of their mangled bodies. 

It seemed that even awake, your luck was the fucking worst. 

With swift and silent movements, you stood and turned to leave. Avoiding eye contact was the only way to hide the tears prickling in your eyes. 

“Dude,” a young voice called out, “you hurt her feelings!”

“Fuck, I didn’t mean to, Ellie!” 

Like you said, he was the worst. But you definitely took it to the next level at every opportunity. 

That’s how you found yourself on patrol with Joel giving him the silent treatment. It was customary at this point. If you two went alone, he would bark out orders, you’d follow if you felt like it. If someone else happened to be there, you two would rely on an unspoken rule to only speak to them and not one another. It worked…until today. 

Entrapment wasn’t a new feeling for you. Often on patrol specifically, you would have to maneuver your way out of dangerous positions to return. But the realization of there being nobody to return to hit you today. So even when Joel and Jesse said to stay back, you proceeded. It was a miracle none of you three were bitten or worse. Your reckless act left the trek back to Jackson completely silent. 

When you reached the gate safely, Jesse spoke first. It was obvious he was shaken up but even more annoyed with you. “Kinda fucked up you did that. Did you even consider that you would put me and Joel in danger?” 

“Nobody told you to follow me, to be honest.” 

“I don’t give a fuck! When we leave, we work together… or we don’t go.” 

Joel shook his head silently, observing the way Jesse continued to rip into you. You continued the back and forth until Jesse hit extremely low. 

“Look, I know you lost people…I remember them-”

You spoke over him, a finger out in warning, “Don’t-” 

“And just because you feel like there is no worth left in your sorry ass life, doesn’t mean I wanna die right now. Not for you. Not on a stupid patrol mission.” 

It felt like he punched you. Square in the face. The way your breath left you was unlike anything you’d ever experienced. Not since the day you realized your entire family was gone. As a result of that day, you grew accustomed to silent walks back to your house. You got used to the sounds your house made between the silence. 

You didn’t hear Joel’s faint footsteps and persistent calls to you as he followed behind. It wasn’t until the unusual sound of your door not immediately closing behind you that you turned around to see him there. 

“You didn’t even stop him, you just stood there like you always do!”

His signature sigh and no response. Just a sort of expectant look on his face. 

“Get. Out. Please.” 

You begged him to leave, your voice breaking. It was somewhere in the midst of you slowly falling toward the floor that he reached you. He knew what you were experiencing right now. The dull panging in your body, a faint scream at you, and a feeling that of anyone it should’ve been you to go, not your family. 

He didn’t want to admit that he recognized the bubble of sadness around you, as he’d be forced to acknowledge his own. The least he could do was to comfort you in a way he had yearned for when he lost Sarah. When he lost Tess. When he thought Tommy was gone. But he failed, as he always did, crying with you. 

He urged you to quiet your sobs, “It’s okay, shhh.” 

His attempts at soothing you were a sort of reassurance to himself--that it was okay. It could be okay. He eventually grasped your face, too, forcing you to look at him. He wanted you to believe him, despite the lack of conviction in his voice. The eye contact shocked you both. You had never seen the man cry let alone been this close to him. From a distance, it's easy to think that any dark-colored eye is just black but his…

“Brown…” You mumbled incoherently. 

“What?”

“Your eyes. I’ve never really looked at ‘em.” 

He was confused, “yeah, brown.” 

“It's just that, it's easy to overlook things…” when you’re so stuck in the past, you wanted to say. But you left it. You had a feeling he understood. 

It was hard to not lean into his touch, even harder to not want to be near him. He noticed you staring, but there was still so much left unsaid. Thinking about it, he never really allowed himself to carry out a conversation with you. But there was an unspoken attraction between you. It was easy to minimize said attraction to one where you needed each other. It was suffice to say that it was more tantamount to the way particles were reliant on one another. Even more, the way symbiosis occurred. Despite the urge to push one another away, you knew that you did, in fact, need each other. 

If not for a long time, at least for now. 

Without a word, you pushed up a bit, meeting your lips with his. He was obviously taken aback; there was so much behind the kiss…but he couldn’t bring himself to care. 

You pulled at his shirt, that damned shirt he always liked to wear. Always opened slightly, but never enough to give you what you needed.

“Can I?” You broke the kiss and motioned toward the buttons, breaking eye contact for a second. 

Joel let out a characteristic sound, affirming you, “Mhm, yeah…” 

You moved your hands lower, stopping at the close of his top. “Are you sure?” 

The man understood you. The shirt acted as a sort of metaphorical barrier between the two of you. As much as it scared the both of you to cross that line, there was an unspoken respect for one another. 

He noticed your apprehension, bearing the task of taking down that wall for you both. 

Joel unbuttoned his shirt, slowly, intentional in his action. 

He watched you shiver, “I haven’t…I want…I mean-” 

That same alluring stare maintained its gaze at you, Joel allowing you the time to process and say what you wanted to. 

“I want to feel…be close to you. Not because I want to use you or something…I just,” You searched for words that seemed to escape you. 

His words interrupted your thought process, a gentle but calloused hand returning to your face. 

“You don’t have to have a reason. Use me.” 

That was enough to make you attack him full force. You’d thought of each other so long that there was an urgency. There wasn’t time for niceties or the pleasantries of preparing yourself for him. You just wanted each other immediately. 

The trail of clothing that led to your room was something out of one of those old movies you watched. Before everything went to shit. You allowed yourself a smirk at the thought--Joel hot on your trail. 

Joel observed how clean your place was. He was one to keep tidy, too. Not for the thought of expecting someone, but for lack of people except him. There were few things he held near and dear, so a large space like his home was often unused save for his bed and couch. It seemed you echoed this thought, and that made him even more eager. Knowing you had so much in common made him insatiable.

You found yourselves kissing again, seeking comfort in each other. It was sweet and slow. You couldn’t handle it, the lack of him. 

“Joel, please,” you backed towards the bed. Now fully available for him. With you demanding everything be so structured to protect yourself these days, you were willing to let go for once. 

He didn’t say anything, he never did. But the way he hovered over you, maintained eye contact and pushed into you said enough. 

His pace was somewhere between painfully slow and slower. He felt your wetness, the way you were ready for him already, and it made him harder. He knew he wouldn’t last long if he went any faster. 

You reached up, pushing the hair out of his face. It was a distraction from how good it felt, even the purposely slow pressure, but you wanted more. 

You bucked up into him. He hissed and grunted in your ear, that’s new. 

The southern drawl was even more apparent on the man. “Shit. I’m tryin’ to…make it last,” his head met your shoulder, breath against your skin. “Cant.” 

“Don’t.” 

You couldn’t see his face, but you figured a look of surprise flashed there. It only took a second for him to pick up the pace. Those grunts filled the room; his wordless communication was now music to your ears. 

You continued that way for not much longer--but the high was unlike any other. He reached down to rub between you, making sure you’d finish. The thought of him caring about you in that way and the pointed pressure of his strong hands doing so was enough to make your body pulse against him. 

He pushed you back down, keeping you still, “Don’t move, baby.” 

It was a lot. 

His movements became even more erratic, but it felt so damn good. 

“Where should I?” 

You arched a brow, “You want a little Joel running around here somewhere?” 

He chuckled, so sweetly, too. Fuck. 

“Wow, even full like this you still got a mouth on ya. I’m gonna work on that.” 

He pulled out suddenly, and before you could even complain, latched his mouth onto you until he finished and your voice went dry from calling out his name. 

Okay…

The usual urge to freshen up never came. The smell of Joel was all over you, and you liked it that way. You breathed in and out, processing what happened, fighting to stay awake. The sound of the man’s snores was enough to keep you awake in itself. 

It wasn’t until you heard the snores stop and Joel stirring that you spoke again.

“I’m sorry.” 

Joel turned his head toward you, clearly still half asleep, “For?” 

“For that day, in the woods, when we first met. I was mean.” 

“I understand. A random guy shows up asking questions. You get defensive. It happens to the best of ‘em.” 

There was silence. One long enough that Joel sat up to get out of bed--you stopped him when you spoke. 

“I was thinking of my family,” a pause, and with it, your eyes burned a bit. “I don’t know why I act the way I do. I don’t know why I’m… harsh. Part of me thinks it's because they are always looking at who I have become and are so disappointed. The other part of me thinks that they don’t see me at all…or that they can’t…that there’s nothing more after this. I dunno which feels worse but I know it drives me fucking crazy.” 

He silently reached for your hand, deliberate in his response. “I like to think that the big moments we share with the people we lose are more important than anything after.” He nodded, assuring himself before continuing. “Good or bad, their memory only survives as long as we are thinking of them.” He paused to look toward his wrist, almost out of muscle memory. “Our families may not be here, but even mentioning them proves that they were real. I know my baby girl was real, I can’t fail her by going on like she wasn’t.” He inched closer to you, “If it takes me being sad to know that there was someone I loved here before, I’ll stomach it any day.” 

You nodded slightly. 

“Thanks.” 

A hum resonated from him, and he made his way out of your house. He was elusive as always, and definitely just as attractive..if not more so now. But his words stuck with you. 

That stupid catchphrase from the Fireflies…you’d heard it often. The aftershocks of the group persisted even after they’d slowly dwindled in numbers. When you’re lost in the darkness…

Wiping your eyes, you pulled the covers back a bit more. A lot of time had passed, but for the first time in a while, you didn’t feel like it was ripped from you. 

After a few minutes, the Sun started to rise, heat emanating from your window. You felt the warmth slowly reach your face--closing your eyes. 

For once, you’d look forward to sleep, and even more, the possibility of dreaming.

[plaidos]

along with celebrating and respecting trans women of color, I wish more people (trans women or not) would protect trans women of color. not by telling us who we should or shouldn’t date or have sex with but in friend groups, often just saying “hey that was weird” or “why would you say that” when someone says something racist is a good start but people seem so hesitant to do it, and I understand to an extent: nobody wants to get themselves in trouble. but it sucks bc that also means they don’t mind seeing their friends of color be made fun of or made to feel uncomfortable because it means they can relax and they don’t have to deal with anything besides a little discomfort

yeah, 100%! i can’t speak for anybody else but i think that for a demographic who (rightfully) complain about nobody standing up for us, white trans girls could be doing a hell of a lot more to stand up for our non-white sisters. i think part of this comes from a lot of us not wanting to feel like condescending or like we’re speaking on your behalf — but i think that’s a half-baked excuse IMO, the same one that TME people wheel out for us when they don’t put the effort in either.

ultimately i think my advice for people who don’t speak up against bigotry against others (because they don’t want to speak “for” that person) is that you should talk to them and ask them what you should be doing instead of assuming it’s “nothing”. you aren’t providing your friends the “dignity” of speaking up for themselves if that’s not how they want to respond to shit like this. we have to be better for our non-white sisters!!