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homo-sex-shoe-whale · 3 years

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Online shipping, the fetishisation of gay men, and the romanticisation of queer trauma

An essay by me!

Word count: 2.8k

A link to the Google Doc version of this essay.

A big thank you to my friends Nathan @themeerkatnate, Mav @not-mavv , and Duke @dukedark-ness for reading this essay and giving me their thoughts as mlms on the topic. Make sure to check out their blogs and give them a follow!

So I was on a lovely website by the name of Twitter.com yesterday, just scrolling through while having my afternoon cup of coffee, when I saw that viral post of a girl reading a Larry fanfic through a classroom projector. I'm sure most of you have seen it. It's gone viral on Instagram, TikTok, and likely Tumblr too, and if you haven't come across it I'm positive you will soon.

Now, after getting through my initial reaction to that post which was, holy fuck, that's so embarrassing, I had a second reaction of... wait, this ship is still around?

And after I had some thoughts on the incredible permanence of some online ships and the weird obsolescence of others, I did get to thinking of how lots of these popular ships seem to stem from the same types of perceived relationship dynamics and homophobic stereotypes.

These online fandoms often seem to have an obsession with objects of queer trauma, such as having to hide a relationship, lying about sexuality for self-preservation, and even social rejection. So, after some opinions from my followers and the great archive that is the internet, I've decided to discuss some of the most popular examples of online shipping and the particular nuances they came with.

NOTE: Out of respect for all these people, I won't be sharing viral images or videos of them in perceived romantic proximity (or even kissing, as is applicable for some examples), but I will be describing certain moments I deem to be relevant. So even if you're unfamiliar with them, you won't be confused as to what I'm talking about.

NOTE 2: Although not all people within these fandoms were/are toxic, this essay is focused on the overall toxicity of the fandoms, and how they are toxic more so as a "hive" than as a group of individuals. When I refer to a fandom I don't mean every person involved in the fandom, but rather the collective impact of the group.

1. Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson

This is arguably the most popular example of online shipping. The absolute permanence of this ship, and how its fandom never seems to fully die off even beyond the lifespan of One Direction as it once stood, is downright impressive.

I'm going to be the first to admit I was never in the loop with this fandom. My childhood best friend was actually a massive Larry shipper and asked me to beta read one of her fics, but that was before I even knew who tf Harry and Louis were! Not because I avoided the fandom or even because I rejected the online shipping, but just by coincidence, I delved into the world of pop punk music right when One Direction began gaining its popularity. I bought my first ever album, Riot by Paramore, in 2011- only a year after One Direction made their X-Factor debut. So, this fandom just bypassed me by a sort of weird coincidence.

But I don't need to be in the loop with this fandom to know the astronomical obsession with these two men, no, these two BOYS, was extremely toxic. In 2010, when One Direction made their debut, Harry Styles was only 16 years old. And Louis Tomlinson wasn't much older at 19! This made the two of them incredibly young when this unprecedented wave of shipping hit the internet, and although that must be traumatising for anyone, I cannot even fathom how overwhelming it must've been for two boys that young.

I'm 18, almost 19 now, and I cannot begin to imagine how scary it was for the two of them to have their every interaction nitpicked within an inch of its life by thousands upon thousands of people online. I do not know this myself, but from numerous recounts by some of my followers, this massively impacted Harry's and Louis' nondescript relationship in real life, seemingly driving the two previously close friends apart.

Now, before we move on, there's something we need to talk about. And that is the obsession with the dominance/submission dynamic within the world of gay shipping.

With almost every popular mlm (an acronym meaning man-loving-man) ship based on real people, it seems that fandoms have a particular fascination with power imbalances in these relationships. You don't even need to look at the insane amount of fanfictions based on BDSM to figure this out. In almost all of the examples I'll be citing today, there is an age gap within the perceived relationship and a person the fandom has seemingly decided to be the top/dominant figure.

Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson are 3 years apart in age. Although it isn't all that relevant now, an age gap of 3 years when you're in your late teens is a lot more significant. In 2012, for example, when this shipping really started gaining traction, Harry Styles was 18 and Louis Tomlinson was 21. That power imbalance, albeit not that significant, is enough for a fandom to latch on to. We'll see this a lot more in the coming example with Dan and Phil.

2. Dan Howell and Phil Lester

It's impossible to have a discussion about internet shipping without talking about Dan and Phil.

Dan Howell and Phil Lester, although being popular YouTubers individually, are arguably one of the internet's most iconic duos. The two creators published their first videos together in 2009, and while their relationship was already a motive of speculation back then, the peak of the "Phan" shipping definitely came in the 2013-2016 era of Tumblr.

Now, I'm going to admit… I was actually on Tumblr when that happened.

The 2013-2016 period perfectly aligns with my middle school days (I started middle school in 2013 and high school in 2016), and I was not only on Tumblr back then, but I was on Wattpad too! Again, this wasn't a fandom I had much contact with as I had a huge anime phase in middle school and I was on Tumblr posting mainly photography and Soul Eater content more than anything.

But I did watch some of Dan and Phil's videos! And the occasional "Phan" content did not completely evade me as one of my closest friends in middle school had a fanchat for them. I wasn't involved in the fandom myself but they were actually one of the few English-speaking YouTubers I watched once in a blue moon (back then I watched mainly Brazilian YouTubers). One thing I did in fact notice over the years, around 2014ish perhaps, was that the two of them seemed to grow increasingly "awkward" around each other, in a way that many folks on the internet thought was reminiscent to Markiplier/Jacksepticeye, two YouTubers who also dealt with extraordinary amounts of shipping.

I'm not the only one who thinks this. The change in Dan and Phil's relationship, at least to the outside world, was clear to almost anyone who watched their videos for a while. I cannot blame them at all. The shipping was nuts. Between the countless fan videos, speculative comments, and insurmountable number of fanfics, there's no way the two of them didn't feel the weight of the shipping. The term "demon phannie" made its way into internet vernacular and there it stayed for years. Even Shane Dawson, who was one of the largest creators on the platform at the time, made several videos speculating on the nature of Dan and Phil's relationship and their sexual orientations.

There was even porn made in which actors with similar appearances to the creators were made to have sex on camera.

Now, this is actually a rare example where the two people involved in the ship actually came out as gay once the shipping seemed to die down. I'm incredibly happy Dan and Phil both reached a point where they were comfortable being publicly out, but I hate to say I'm shocked this day ever came. If I'd gone through what the two of them did, I don't know if I'd ever trust the internet.

And again, this ship's fandom definitely had an obsession with the power dynamics they thought existed between the people within the ship. Dan Howell is 4 years younger than Phil Lester, and was only 18 in 2009, when they started making videos together. From my personal understanding, the shipping was often quite focused on this dominant/submissive dynamic especially in discussions from their early relationship. And this is in no way exclusive to Dan and Phil.

This general fascination with the older man/younger man dynamic, in my opinion, plays into the homophobic stereotype that gay men are predators. The idea that gay men usually seek younger men, and somehow "convince" them to engage in homosexual relationships, is popular homophobic rhetoric. The popularisation, exaggeration, and fetishisation of these power imbalances, in age and/or in relationship dynamics, is directly harmful to the mlm community.

Not only that, but the romanticisation of a "hidden/forbidden relationship" is also detrimental not only to gay men and the mlm community, but to queer people as a whole. Queer people face huge trauma having to hide their relationships; queer attraction is already a societal taboo. And acting like this is good, or even desirable, is harmful to queer people as a whole, regardless of whether or not it's actually applicable to the people being shipped. It normalises this trauma not only to cisgender, heterosexual people, but to impressionable queer youth who grow to believe this type of trauma is to be expected.

3. Frank Iero and Gerard Way

This is another example where the perceived power imbalances between the two subjects of the shipping were directly exploited online. Now, this ship did precede the others mentioned above. If we're looking at this topic chronologically, this particular ship did come first in the shipping timeline. It's closer to the origin of the shipping extended universe, if you will.

In case you aren't familiar with them, Frank Iero and Gerard Way are both members of the American emo band My Chemical Romance. This ship is the first one here of which I don't recall the full popularity. It really peaked in popularity around the late 2000s, circa 2008. And I don't remember this moment online as in 2008, I was only 6 years old and believe it or not, I wasn't really all that concerned with rumoured homoeroticism as a first grader.

However, the popularity of this ship did carry over into the 2013-2015 Tumblr shipping boom. The emo fandom (or "bandom" as it was called) involving not only My Chemical Romance but other similar bands such as Fall Out Boy, Panic! At The Disco, and Pierce the Veil, found its hub on Tumblr.

During this time, I did in fact listen to this style of music, but was focused a lot more on the anime side of Tumblr as mentioned earlier. Of course, I wasn't 13 years old like, "hey, this type of content might be harmful and can inadvertently perpetuate homophobic stereotypes," I just happened to care more about my silly little anime and ended up not getting involved.

This ship does involve a discussion that the others don't, however. With Frank Iero and Gerard Way, there is quite often a certain sentiment of, "Oh, they brought this upon themselves!" as the two band members very famously kissed during a show in 2007. In my opinion, though, this doesn't really justify all the obsessive shipping. If you look at Green Day, a band often grouped in with MCR as another famous pop punk group, the members don't follow too different of a trajectory. Billie Joe Armstrong has, on numerous occasions, kissed both of his fellow band members onstage- particularly Tré Cool, the drummer. And Billie Joe Armstrong is openly bisexual, which none of the members of MCR seem to be but some, or even all of Billie's bandmates, are too.

You'd think Green Day would face a lot more shipping as the more persistent onstage homoeroticism and Billie Joe's openness about his sexuality would warrant more "substantiated" speculation. However, Green Day faces nowhere near as much shipping as My Chemical Romance. Why is this? I actually don't know. It might've been because Green Day has been around for over a decade longer and generally has an older fandom, but I really am not that sure.

It could also be because of the lower lack of potential for forced relationship dynamics. The members of Green Day are all less than a year apart in age and are even similar in height. However, Frank Iero is 4 years younger than Gerard Way, who is not only the frontman of My Chemical Romance, but also considered to be the group's intellectual and creative "leader". Even beyond that, Gerard Way is quite visibly taller, and the perceived power difference between the two of them definitely did not elude their fans.

This difference could even be partly due to the lack of a "mystery" with Green Day. There's not as much to speculate as, well… the members of Green Day are already open about their sexual orientations. It might be that shipping in the Green Day fandom has less of a forbidden appeal for most people.

Of course, I won't just keep repeating myself, but my previous points about forced relationship dynamics still stand.

4. Martin Freeman and Benedict Cumberbatch

Better known for their roles in BBC Sherlock as Sherlock and Watson, Martin Freeman and Benedict Cumberbatch unfortunately had their roles follow them well into real life. This is the example I know least about, so have these thoughts from a follower by the name of @indubitably-a-goblin, who had the following to say:

"the main issues i had with it were:

a) they were both married at the time, freeman to amanda abbington and cumberbatch to sophie hunter (in which both had children)

b) the main reasoning for it was their chemistry in the many projects they've done together. which is, shockingly, their Whole Job. They're actors! That's what they're supposed to do! if they weren't good at interacting then they wouldn't be good actors! i don't know how people can't understand this.

c) they're real people. we don't know them. we aren't friends with them. we aren't their family members. we have zero right to be pushing this onto them and ruining their friendship by doing so. (this one relates to most of the ships you've mentioned though)

d) healthy friendships between two men are ignored so plainly in most medias and in fandom. its obvious that these two men have a relationship, but that doesn't mean it's a romantic one.

e) its fine to ship their characters, but actors shouldn't be treated as less-than-human or some sort of prop. they're doing a job, and once they are off-screen, they aren't here for your entertainment."

I believe she did a great job of summing it up on her own, and for the sake of avoiding redundancy, I'll leave it at that!

5. Corpse Husband and Sykkuno- an emerging yet subtle example

I am absolutely positive you remember how popular the game Among Us was a couple of months ago. And with the popularity of this game, some of its most prominent content creators became the targets of online shipping- as is the case with YouTubers and streamers Corpse Husband and Sykkuno.

Although the shipping involving these two creators is nowhere near as strong as it was/is with the examples above, I do think there is once again a reemergence of a common theme here. Whilst Sykkuno is known for his happy-go-lucky, almost "innocent" persona, Corpse Husband is the antithesis of this, known for his much darker and moodier personality.

Do I even have to mention what the common theme seems to be?

Again, although the popularity of shipping - at least with real people - seems to have died down a bit since the Tumblr shipping boom of the early to mid 2010s, I do believe this example is worth mentioning. Even though the creators are still close, they have in fact expressed discomfort regarding the shipping, and I can only hope the internet as a whole lets their friendship blossom and exist naturally without obsessive speculation.

My final thoughts

As explored in the essay:

The romanticisation of objects of queer trauma as a part of online shipping normalises queer trauma to both cishet and queer youth.

Online shipping, especially at a high intensity, can end up negatively impacting the very relationships they pine over.

The relationship dynamics often forced on mlm ships perpetuate homophobic stereotypes about non-heterosexual men.

If anyone else has thoughts on this matter, do share! This essay is moreso an opinionated observational piece and isn't meant to be taken as fact but rather just as my thoughts on the matter. I hope it was useful as a reflective piece regardless!

Date of posting: June 16th 2021

#lgbt #lgbtq #gay #mlm #I cannot believe I said the phrase 'shipping extended universe'

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whatbigotspost · 3 years

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[Image is tweet from @ alyssaharad that reads: Here is my late night tweet about all the "pandemic pounds" articles we are seeing/going to see: they are writing about physical weight instead of trauma, grief, depression, anxiety, survival and comfort. Fatphobia makes more money than attending to mental/emotional health. end image description]

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This is going to get long, but I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the ways that fatphobia has manifested during the pandemic in new and exhausting ways and I want to speak to it a bit. This tweet inspired me to finally write it out.

There is always money to be made off of making us all feel like shit about our bodies. The weight loss industry is projected to be valued at nearly THREE HUNDRED BILLION DOLLARS annually, worldwide by 2027. (Warning: that link is fatphobic and healthist.)

Capitalist driven fatphobia doesn’t rest during a pandemic. It doesn’t care that we’re experiencing mass trauma, continued disruption of our “normal” lives. It doesn’t care about our actual well-being...it never has and it never will.

Capitalist driven fatphobia likes that we can be better exploited for profit when we are vulnerable. We’re more vulnerable now than ever before, in many ways.

I’ve also been thinking a lot about how w/ vaccination taking off, many of us will be seeing family/friends in-person for the first time in forever. Take my specific case...I’m twice vaccinated and recently I saw family I haven’t seen in a year in person for the first time. I’d never gone more than 4 months without seeing those folks in-person before...like ever. Suddenly I went three times longer than that until I saw them in the flesh again.

Someone who you have seen for months and months on a Zoom screen or FaceTime from the shoulders up will begin to become a flesh and blood human in front of you again. So many of us will be navigating moments like this (and we may even have nerves about it, related to our own bodies.)

I think about the coworkers that I used to see every day M-F all year in person and I now only see on screens. Some of them have had entire pregnancies and given birth in isolation. Some of them have had major changes to their health situations and have received new diagnoses (I fall into this category.) Some of them have made major changes to their daily routines, their exercise and eating habits.

All of us have aged 12 months (so far.) Bodies change. They simply do, that is a rare universal truth. And they change in SO MANY WAYS that are normal and neutral in a year, which includes weight changes. If you see someone every day in passing, the changes are slow and often overall imperceptible. But if you have a mental image of someone who you don’t see for a year and then you see them in person those changes may feel jarring as you notice them.

There’s a good chance that if you were raised with even the smallest exposure to mainstream US media/culture, you’ve been indoctrinated with a fatphobic mindset. It’s natural and normal to notice changes in someone’s body when you haven’t seen them in a long time, but it is NOT natural or normal to find those changes to be negative when it involves weight gain and positive when it involves weight loss. THAT frame work (thinner = better) is fatphobic programming driven by exploiting our shame to make money off of us. And it’s what we each need to push ourselves to just fucking END already. Capitalist fatphobic programming is powerful and strong. You might not yet be able to control an automatic/unconscious neural firing of “I see my friend is heavier now and that is bad” but you CAN control holding that thought in mindful awareness, choosing to REJECT IT, and then.... *stay with me here* NOT COMMENTING ON THEIR BODY. Full stop. Just not saying anything about it...keeping your fatphobic thoughts to yourself and interrogating and naming the thoughts as fatphobic to start working on your own deprogramming. Your own words, reactions, and the messages you put out ARE controllable and are your responsibility. This goes for making negative comments about your own body and how it may have changed. You don’t need to be an extended tool of the fatphobic, capitalist make-you-feel-like-shit industrial complex. You can rise above this. We don’t have to be forever beholden to the narratives that produce shame in ourselves and others and continues to hurt fat people, by manifesting as discrimination in the medical system, in jobs, etc. You CAN free yourself from all of this and as someone who has been on my own journey of “radical self love” and deprogramming of internalized fatphobia for 15 years now, it absolutely DOES get easier. I may still backslide, but the vast majority of the time I feel free from the self-hatred that used to plague me and that’s a wonderful feeling. If any of this piques your interest, may I suggest you check out The Body is Not An Apology (for ways to personally change your mindsets in practical ways) and @bigfatscience (for more of the science side of the topic.)

#fatphobia #weight loss bs #weight cw #healthism #covid19 #long post

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dreamieofu · 4 years

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Yours

pairing: mark x [f] reader word count: 4.7k genre: strangers to lovers!au, college!au, smut, sexual themes, so much fluff. summary: Mark is a familiar face, and one night when he asks you to hang out. warning(s): a lot of flirting, slight alcohol consumption, a small bar fight, a lot of kissing, protected sex, slight cockwarming, slight fingering, slight dry humping, tell me.. if there’s more this is my first time writing smut lol.

That’s the thing about love.

It’s unexpected. And this story is short, intense but plays like a record in the back of your head.

He was once someone you’d walk by, a distant stranger. You notice him in the corner of your eye, sitting at the cafeteria. Along with one of your classmates. It seemed to be that way, seeing him at the corner of your eye, around the shop nearest to your dorm. Catching him walk by you, on his way to class.

A familiar face.

You didn’t think much of it, until you started seeing him more often; curiosity swirling in your mind, each time you’d find yourself looking his way.

Maybe it was his smile, or maybe the way he’d have his hands in his pockets. His stand, as he talks with friends. He was a familiar face, with no name attached to his small loop-sided smile.

It was that one night, near the steps at the front of the dormitory, you see him socialising with your classmate. At first you wanted to greet your classmate with your best friend, Renjun, but the way the boy would smile with his eyes, shots an arrow through your heart. “Hey,” You gleam, walking towards them. Slightly peering over at him, soaking up the image of him and his hair. The way he stood there, cosy in a grey hoodie and khaki pants. You’d be lying to yourself to say you didn’t walk over in hopes of getting to know him. Your own personal mystery boy. While you introduce yourself, you also don’t fail to notice how much more endearing he was up close. Doe eyes, and a small mole on his cheek, your eyes trailing to find identical ones on the left side of his neck. He speaks, while a small smile creeps up on your cheeks, finally hearing a name for your mystery boy. “Well, I’m Mark,”.

And just like that, you found yourself in an already blossoming love for him.

You exchanged numbers the night you learnt his name. Slowly, your both grew closer. Mark would go opposite the dorms on most days, hanging out with his friends, drinking beers and dancing around with them. You could see him below from your window, in a not so creepy way. Just admiring the way he laughed with them, and how he’d dance completely immersed in his element. You send him a message. [6:30pm] I can see you from my window…

You hiccup a small giggle watching Mark instantly look up. His eyes searching for you mindlessly. This time Mark was sat at one of the tables nearby, his phone in his hands, hidden under the table slightly away from his friend, Donghyuck. Even from afar, you see a smile curve his left lip.

Mark [6:31pm] oh yeah? I can’t see you though.

He looks back up from his phone, trying not to be obvious to Donghyuck, that he’s looking for someone. Looking for you.

You exchange a few texts, whilst you watch him from your window. It was fun, the way he would message you from below. The way he would look up to the windows, almost as if he was looking right at you, yet not knowing where you were at all. You move away from your window sighing. “He’s so cute…” sounding almost exasperated, Renjun chuckles at your words throwing a pillow at you from where he’s sat. You roll your eyes, moving the pillow onto your bed as you sink back into your position. You look out the window again, ignoring Renjun’s laughter. “It’s obvious that you’re both flirting with each other,” Renjun explains, walking over to your bed which was right next to the window. He looms over the edge of your bed standing in front of your window to look down. He’s quick to find Mark. “I mean, he is cute. Look at him sitting there,” He laughs again, his tone slightly teasing you. “I know! I’ve been looking at him for too long.” You turn you head at Renjun then back, returning to the window to sneak another glance at Mark.

“Why won’t you make a move? You never know, he could think the same thing about you.” Renjun’s suggestion is tempting, but you’re not very vocal about feelings. Especially if it’s romantical ones for boys you barely know.

But that was as far as you got. Small flirtatious interactions, but never anything like a date. You didn’t have many opportunities to be with him alone, too caught up with other friends. But one day, going home after a day of class, you bump into him and he’s alone. “Mark!” You call out, with a big smile. You see him turn his head, catching your eyes. His face warms up watching you approach him, looking soft and returning your smile. But just as you get a step close to him, Mark engulfs you in a hug.

The hug was nothing you were expecting, he smells something almost like watermelon candy and it whiffs over you, filling your senses. Mark’s chest is broader than you imagined, and his arms hold you tight. One of his hands around your middle back, and the other was gently placed at the back of your head bringing you close. His embrace lasted a second too long, before he pulls back, the same loop-sided smile holding his high cheeks. You feel like your heart was being nailed down against your chest, by how hard it was beating. Mark whispers a small “Hey,”.

You feel a little lost in his eyes as you reply, “How was your day?” And Mark smiles even wider at your question. “Better now that I’ve seen you,” The thing is, Mark knew he was being direct with his flirting. Hoping you’d pick up, and in some ways you did. Mark notices you, probably the same way you have all along. Mark is forward, but in some sense socially awkward. However, when he finds himself in contact with you, things just flow. He doesn’t mind making the obvious vocal, he’s made comments about how he finds you cute. And each time, you don’t believe him. Throwing his words over your shoulder with a scoff and a nervous laugh. He likes the reactions he gets out of you, likes the way you’re nervous under his presence. “I’m going to hang out with Donghyuck later tonight for a drink. Wanna join?” You radiate heat, both from the close proximity and his proposal. The tension between you two feels a little too much, and you swear his eyes are glistening. He looks pretty today. “I guess I’m free.” You agree. “Cool, I’ll see you at the bar opposite around 8pm?” You nod at his words.

The time between this moment and 8pm stretched until you find yourself in your room sulking to Renjun. “I can’t believe he asked me out!” You end your sentence with a whisper scream. Renjun was laid on your bed, on top of your covers one hand holding his head up as he looks at you bored whilst you finish your monologue. “Well, he was bound to. I don’t know why you’re acting so surprised.” He rolls his eyes at you playfully. “As if you weren’t flirting in all the texts you send each other.” “That’s not true!” Trying to deny all the times Mark’s messages wouldn’t fail to put a small smile on your face. Renjun says silent with a smug look. “Okay, fine… We flirt a little… So what? I can’t flirt?” You fight back your past thoughts, knowing Renjun’s quick to call you out anyway. You push yourself up from your desk, walking towards a full body length mirror. You look at your appearance, a spurge of confidence glowing. You admit that you were excited, as much as you were stressing over it all. “I mean, it’s not like we’re alone, alone. Donghyuck’s going to be there,” You drop your shoulders and pout. “I mean, he could be just testing waters,” Renjun explains. You do know, although Renjun is your best friend (nothing more), he is a boy and to some extent, knows things like this. “I guess… Wish me lucks?” You turn around to him, smiling over your shoulder. “You don’t need it. Be yourself.”

You walk through the bar by yourself, heart racing with slow steps. You pass through dim lights and strangers, finding yourself deeper into the venue. Old vintage posters hung against the narrow walls, the smell of cigarettes surrounding you as music plays in the background. You finally find him. Sat across Donghyuck, with two pints of beers placed in between them as they laugh with each other. Mark notices your figure approaching, looking up at you through his eyelashes. An innocent smirk gracing his lips as Donghyuck silently moves over. You take that as a signal to sit next to him, as you sit across Mark with a breathless, “Hi,”. Donghyuck quietly giggles at the interaction. His hand covering his muted laugh. “Would you like something to drink?” Mark asks, already getting up from his seat. Your eyes trail and follow his stance as he casts a shadow over your frame. He stands there in a graphic tee which is slightly tight, highlighting his figure. Not that you were staring too much, but he has a nice build. You swoon to yourself at his offer, licking your lips, “Surprise me,” You reply in a tone a tad bit too sultry for your liking, which doesn’t go unnoticed by the two males looking at you. Mark chuckles deeply at your response, a few of his top teeth showing as he nods off with a finishing smile. He walks into the crowd, away from the table and you watch his back. “Cute.” Donghyuck gains your attention as you whip your head towards him, flushed. “No,” You squeak, flustered. Because clearly he was referencing what just happened between you and Mark. Donghyuck just lightly laughs at you, taking a swing at his drink. You two talk casually for a few moments, before Mark returns, placing a red fruity looking cocktail in front of you.

“Surprise,” Mark gestures to the drink with a cocky eyebrow, taking his seat opposite you again. The night goes by really nicely, Donghyuck is funnier around Mark. It was a feel-good vibe, getting to know both of them. You liked Mark’s drink suggestion a lot, so much so, he bought you 2 more throughout the night. Much to your dismay.

You finally felt like you were getting to know Mark outside his flirty day-to-day messages. He really did live up to all your daydreams so far, and you can’t pinpoint what it was about him that kept you so intrigued. Mark ever so often gazes at you, as if to silently ask if you’re okay. It’s comforting, knowing he cares about that.

His foot slightly nudges yours under the table. It causes you to look up from your drink, Mark looks back up at you innocently. The side of his leg brushing ever so gently against the side of your calf. You gulp slightly, watching him slowly move his body forward, away from the back of the chair. His eyes never leaving yours as he does so. Donghyuck is off on his phone, and Mark’s gaze is so intense you have to look away. Incredibly shy under his hold.

Loud shouting interrupts the moment.

Two men at each others lungs while others try and separate them. Their voices are distance but become more clearer when they approach your table faster than you realise. They’re too drunk to balance themselves as they slightly knock over against your shared bench with Donghyuck. Donghyuck instinctively puts an arm behind, to block them from pushing further. It gets a little out of hand when they knock against the bench once more, pushing your body against the table for you to gain steady balance from the impact. Mark notices your distressed look, “Come,” He mouths to you, knowing the fighting men were too loud for you to hear him. You got the point, once they backed off a little. Standing quickly, Mark mirrors you. He lets you sit in the inside of the seat, against the wall and he sits beside you again. This time, his warm hand holds one of yours from under the table. Donghyuck is safe, looking behind his shoulders looking at the guys. The argument sounded really drunk influenced and pointless, and it makes Donghyuck disinterested. Mark holds your hand close to his belly, over his lap as he looks forward, watching as Donghyuck does. But you’re looking at Mark ever so gently, touched that he’s trying to silently soothe your panicked thoughts. The guys fighting finally cooled off and were escorted outside. “It’s common around here,” Donghyuck is the first to speak, his head motioning backwards swiftly referencing the guys who just left. “I’m going to use the toilet,” He clicks his tongue, getting up and leaving. Mark never lets go of your hand the whole time. “Are you okay?” He asks, concern swimming in his tone as he looks at you. You were flustered since it happened all so quick. You nod though admitting, “I’ve never really seen something like that happen,”. Mark gives you a small sympathetic smile. He gives your hand a small squeeze as reassurance and it makes you feel safe. You’re grateful that they helped you from getting hurt, you don’t go out to bars or pubs often, so this experience was new. You both stayed in comfortable silence, looking at each other fondly. Only for a few short moments though because Donghyuck returns to the table. “Anyway,” He coughs, breaking yet another one of your moments. “It’s getting late, how about we start heading back?” Donghyuck suggests, grabbing hold of his jacket that he took off earlier that night. Mark lets go of your hand upon hearing that, and gets up along with Donghyuck who stood waiting. “Come, let us bring you home.” Mark smiles down at you, and you feel sad he let go of your hand. You stand with him, as Donghyuck leads you all back outside. The air was cool, and the same two guys were still arguing in the distance, away from the place you just left. You trail behind Mark and Donghyuck, hugging yourself as you all walk through the glass doors of the dorm’s reception entrance. Mark presses the buttons in the lift. He stayed on one of the top floors, and you lived on the 5th. Both Donghyuck and Mark drops you to your dorm door. Making sure to see you go inside, Mark stayed leaning against the side of your door as you stand in the tiny hallway entrance that leads to your single room. A smile on his lips as he says “Goodnight,” Donghyuck mirroring his words before they leave and you close the door behind them. You were alone again, smiling to yourself at tonight’s events. Missing the way Mark held your hand. You take off your coat and place your bag down before turning on a lamp. You were about to change before you hear a knock on your door. You tilt your head at the sound, questioning if you heard correctly. You stride towards your door anyway, curiously opening the door to find Mark standing there. “Mark…” You say softly as he smiles at the way you say his name. “How come?” You continue, a bit lost for words as you step back widening the door. Mark took this as an invitation to walk into your room. “I was on my floor, but I wanted to see you again,” Mark confesses. He stands in the middle of your slightly glowed room. The small lap emitting a soft yellow glow throughout the room. Mark’s quick to scan your room and you silently thank yourself for cleaning up earlier today. “You wanted to see me again?” You repeat his words, shutting the door and locking it for extra measure. You walk towards him, your throat feeling a bit dry. You gulp down the dryness, all of a sudden feeling vulnerable because he just stands there with an unreadable expression on his face. “Yeah, I wanted to do this,” He speaks with confidence, closing the distance between you in seconds. He’s quick to effortlessly find purchase at the base of your neck, bringing your face close to his in a swift movement. Taking you by shock. But before he even dares to kiss you, there’s silence. A complete juxtaposition to how he was confident a beat ago. You watch him flutter his eyes close, his lips barely a breath away before he whispers to you ever so quietly, “Just tell me if you don’t want this and I’ll stop.” Your breath hitches in your lungs, as he delicately kisses your bottom lip. It’s just placed there for a second, barely a kiss. Before he continues, he lets you talk. You don’t say anything though. Mark takes the initiative to pull you closer this time, his other hand around your waist as you relax under his touch. He kisses you again with intention. This time, he feels assertive, and yearning. You melt into his kiss, finally settling into the curve of his jaw. Holding his face, his smooth skin warm under your palm. This gesture makes Mark smile into your kiss, finally feeling you accept and kiss him back. The kiss is sweet, and his lips plush as he moves them along, just perfectly, his tongue lining against your bottom lip parting them. You welcome him with a small whimper, and he steps backwards. You mindlessly dance with him towards your bed as you both kiss each other with open mouths and open hearts. The back of Mark’s legs meet the side of your bed as he falls backwards, sitting down. You follow him forward, and gently bite his lips as he giggles. He uses the back of his hands to move further into the bed making room for you. You find yourself straddling his lap, reconnecting your lips together once again. “I think I like you,” Mark suddenly confesses, his heart thumping hard against his chest as he looks at you. The way you place your hands against his chest steadying your balance, you’re speechless. Both because of how he kisses you, and how you’ve ended up in this position. Mark is eager as he holds your hips in place, “Maybe a bit too much,” He chuckles. You smile, letting your weight sink onto his lap as your forehead falls on top of his with an elated smile. There’s undeniable tension, you both feel it, and more so under you. Mark is noticeably hard, but you choose to stay silent about it. Liking the way you’re so close, and he feels just as vulnerable as you. You give him one small peck, before replying, “I like you too,”. This is all the confirmation Mark needs before he kisses you with more hunger. A feverish tension connecting you both, as his fingers slip under your shirt, gripping and pulling you down against his crotch. You laugh to yourself at how cute he was, trying to hint at you. Pulling away from the kiss, Mark finds a new journey along your neck and behind your ear. Easily finding all your sensitive spots as if he’s known your body forever. You moan embarrassingly, as he detaches his now swollen lips. Eyes now hooded as he reaches behind his head, his jacket already placed else where in the midst of making out. To then grab the collar behind his neck to take off his shirt. You lean backwards a bit, giving him room as your eye the way his bare skin was slowly being exposed under the soft light. The dimness contouring the light outline of his torso. His head pops up with a dorky smile, throwing the shirt over your shoulder. You giggle at his gesture, finding confidence to kiss along his jaw, meeting and kissing his tiny moles on his neck with open mouthed kisses. He likes the way you kiss him and you can tell, by the way his fingers traces along your back. Mark’s hands grips your ass bringing you both closer together. This move makes him fall backwards. You move along with him as he kicks off his shoes and socks, he’s laid back as you move above him more comfortably. You stay straddling him, looking down as you shyly tug the bottom of your shirt. “Close your eyes,”. Mark seemed to find this endearing and he complies. Closing his eyes much to his dismay, he feels you get up from your position. He stays silent though, knowing you weren’t going anywhere. “Now open…” Mark barely hears you, as he supports himself on his elbows. He opens his eyes to find you standing near the bed, arms around your waist hugging yourself. It was obvious you were shy and nervous, but there you stood. And Mark swore he’s never seen anything as beautiful as you in that moment. Bitten lips, soft skin, glossy eyes and the light from the lamp glowing through the small strands of your messy hair. Mark stands in front of you, unzipping his trousers as he does so. Eyes connecting with yours as he takes them off in front of you. You gulp, feeling feverish under his gaze. The air so thick, as he steps out of his trousers and kicks them away. He reaches out his hand for you to hold, to guide you to the bed. It’s so quiet in your room, you can literally hear your heart ringing against the tips of your ears. “Just tell me if you don’t want this and I’ll stop,” He repeats his earlier words, but now he’s above you. His hands supporting himself against the sides of your head. His hair hanging above your face, tickling your forehead. You scrunch your nose when he smiles at you, “I want this, and I want you,” You whisper, lifting your head to meet him against his lips. Arms looping from his arms that caged you, to hold him around this shoulders connecting from behind his neck. He kisses back, pushing more force as he lets himself relax in your arms. He supports himself flat with his elbows, his legs shuffling between yours. He feels even harder than before, now barely clothed. And he makes sure you know of it, by grinding it against your clothed entrance. You stay kissing him for long moments, the sounds of his breath hitching when you scratch your nails along his bare back. He pulls away eyes still closed, “Condom?” Mark sounds breathless and needy. You nod, no words forming as your hand reaches to the bedside table. You blindly search through the drawer for your tiny black bag of free condoms the university provided. Mark chuckles when you tap the bag against his rib. He opens his eyes, and smiles to himself. This time, he straddles you. After taking off his boxers and rolling the condom on. He looks at your hooded eyes through his eyelashes, sucking in his bottom lip when he finally has the condom on. You don’t fail to notice how pretty his fingers looked wrapped around his cock, the size he was and how this was happening. He throws the bag on the floor, before finding your lips again. You yelp in his mouth when his fingers moves along your slit, pushing against the cotton material of your underwear. Your arousal so evident against the material. “You’re wet,” Mark speaks of the obvious with disbelief. He can’t believe he’s managed to get you this wet, with just kisses. It ignites something in him because you find him pressing aside your underwear, hearing his finger lining upwards to collect your wetness briefly. He lifts them and places it in between your kiss, moaning as you both taste yourself on his fingers. Tongues licking at each others briefly. You whimper when he returns his fingers, this time playing around with your essence and your entrance, “So wet…” He whispers to himself. He barely grazes your clit, before he kisses your neck. Mark’s head resting at the crook of your neck, marking you, when he lines himself up to your entrance. Your wetness easily hugging around the head of his cock. He bites down on your shoulder, finally moving forward to start filling you up. You open your legs wider to accommodate him, gasping at the stretch, nails digging into his shoulders. He teeth lets go of your shoulder to moan breathlessly against your ear, nibbling while he bottoms out. “F-fuck,” He mutters, “it's so warm inside you,” whispering along with your whimpers because he doesn’t move. Your walls welcome him with love. He’s sinking into your warmth and it makes him crazy. He only moves once he hears you moan out his name exasperated. “Ma-Mark…” and he starts.

Swift and precise with his thrusts, buckling up into your walls, as your mouth hangs open. He grunts when you clench around his length. “You’re so good, you feel so good,” He praises you, adorning you with his lips, and gentle kisses. He hovers above your glistening glossy eyes, looking into your fucked out expression from his movements. He doesn’t let go of your gaze, hitting into you harder making you bite your lip and knit your eyebrows together. His eyes intense and dark. You hold your clench around him when he speeds up, the way you moan his name like a chant, encourages him to speed up. He feeds off how you thrash your head, moaning and breathing with each thrust he gives you. Rolling his hips as you stick out your tongue. He welcomes you into his mouth, sucking onto you hard, fucking into you double.

“You make me feel so good…. Just like that,” You confess breathless, and he rolls his eyes at how muffled you sound. His hand trailing from your ankle, ghosting above your skin and making you follow along. One of his hands holding himself, while the other fiddles with your harden nipple. You gasp, licking your lips as he lowers his head. Mark’s lips attach onto the bud, sucking and rolling his tongue around. Needy you latch your legs around his waist as he thrusts deeper than you could have previously imagined. You choke on your spit, as he knits his eyebrows accidentally bitting your nipple.

His skin glistening with a sheen of sweat, “Pretty girl,” He kisses your cheeks, and you feel close. You clench onto him harder and tighter the closer you get, and he notices. This makes him speed up, chasing ecstasy, eyes peering over your expressions. The sound of skin slapping, and uneven breathes fill the room as you cum around him. Mouth hung open, your blunt nails running at his back, red lines of love and he’s in awe. Mark’s lips crashing into yours in a whimper. Your legs slightly shake around his figure, falling limp, but Mark doesn’t let up his movements. Chasing your orgasm with his, and he does seconds later. He stills himself above you, holding his breath as you feel him pulse inside of you. His orgasm lasting longer than he’s used to. Warmness sticking your bodies together as his strength gives out. Mark lets his body fall next to you, head spinning, trying to catch his breath. “Fuck…” He whispers to himself. “We just did,” You smile turning your head, watching as his chest heaves, his hair pressed against his forehead. You rest your palm on his chest, feeling overwhelmed with everything. His heartbeat under your palm. Mark still had so much to show you, you both know it. And you’re excited to find it out. He lets out an airy laugh because of your words, his head now turning in a similar way to see you. His body turns to you also, his hand resting against your face as you look at each other. The tension settling in and feeling like adoration. “Will you be mine?” Mark sounds nervous, which you find really funny considering the deed you both just did together. Nonetheless, you smile at his words, feeling self-assured and vulnerable as you reply, “I’m already yours.”

#mark lee smut #nct smut #mark lee scenarios #nct dream smut #mark lee fluff #nct fluff #nct dream fluff #mark lee hard hours #mark lee x reader

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catsandstrawberries · 4 years

Note

Hi do you take request ?If yes, can you do a platonic BTS x reader where reader is coming out to them ?

(I’m personally Bi , aro ,ace and non binary,but if you’d rather do something else it’s fine too!)

Sexual Identity Crisis

Pairing: 8th member x bts (platonic)

Word Count: 1.6k

A/N: I hope you don't mind but I made the reader bisexual and use she/them pronouns, I also made it platonic as in 8th member. Hope you like it! (this is unedited so sorry for grammer)

It was the little things that you first started to notice.

The way you would blush on stage during a performance when an army would call your name. The squeals for your attention no longer embarrassing or cute but stirring something deep within you. You never liked the idea of dating as an artist, too much drama, too many things, too many feelings.

But it wasn't until you were preparing for one of your solo songs, one of the noona artists your age fixing up your makeup, you started to notice. You started paying attention to the way some of the noona's would wear leggings that fit tight to their bodies, or how gentle their hands felt on you.

It only confused you more when you felt the same for guys. The harsh jawline, the big hands, thinking about it made you flush.

During interviews, as you sat next to your brothers, and tried not to seem as disinterested as you felt, they would ask you the question.

"Who is your ideal type?"

Images. Images of curvy bodies and plush skin, hard stomachs, gentle hands to caress your face, and thick fingers to ground you.

"I don't think I have a type." You respond with a smile. Deflect a few more questions, just as you deflected the feelings within.

Whenever you felt panicked you liked to make lists. You were good at that. A few things to take note of,

One: You might not be straight.

Then you met Shawn Mendes and Camilla Cabello and fuck you've never wanted to have a threesome so bad.

One: You're bisexual.

Then you had another jaw-dropping, mind-altering revelation.

It was caused by TikTok. BigHit thought it would be a great idea for BTS as a band to post a series of TikToks to help gain attraction and give content to the fans.

It was really fun.

Pulling pranks on the boys like cutting the power in Jungkooks room when he was playing video games or handing Jin salt instead of sugar for his coffee gained a huge following.

But on rainy days when you had no work to do (which rarely happened), instead of making videos, you would scroll through the app. It caused your heart to stutter, the users on the app who smirked and winked at the camera made you feel so nervous. As if someone would spot you and your secret would be revealed to the world.

But then your eyes would linger on a few guys. As the only girl in BTS oftentimes you were trademarked to be the girly girl, or on the extremist side of the gender spectrum. But you had always secretly wished to hold the same power your brothers did. Some days you hated the weight on your chest and wished your boobs could pop right off. You wanted to be like Jimin who was so fluid in his gender identity and wear tux's and give

smolders to the fans.

Two: Your pronouns were she/they.

Three: You need to tell your brothers.

Well, you didn't need to tell them. But you wanted to. As the youngest and declared golden maknae duo with Jungkook, they had practically raised you.

You love them.

You started small.

"Hey, Hoseok, have you seen (G)I-DLE's new music video, oh my god'?"

You were in the dance studio refining the black swan dance for an upcoming performance when you asked him. Taking a chug of water as you watched his reaction.

"Of course I did! They're trending right now, after I watched the teaser video I was hooked."

"Soojin looked hot." Fuck, you meant to bring it up more calmly but it comes out rushed in one breath.

You feel yourself flush but get back onto the dance floor, hoping that it will pass off as exhaustion.

"If you want to hang out with her, I'm sure PR won't have an issue with it," Jin comments from the side, and you just nod hoping to change the conversation.

The next time it happened, you and the boys were traveling in America to go on James Cordon's show. It was supposed to be a casual interview but nothing ever casual in America.

"So Jungkook, (y/n), you were at the Grammys a couple of weeks ago, right?"

You and jungkook both nod, and you get a strange pit in your stomach for being called out like that.

"Well, you both had such strong reactions to meeting them!" Oh shit oh shit oh shit.

"(y/n) Shawn Mendes is quite beautiful, isn't he?"

"I think a lot of people are beautiful, but he is very good looking." You wince as you feel Namjoons gaze burn into the back of your head.

"Interesting."

James continues asking questions to your brothers and delves into several female celebrities, and after what feels like forever, it's over.

Then you're in the car with Taehyung, Jin, and Jungkook and the maknae starts to mimic you.

"I think a lot of people are beautiful but Shawn Mendes is so cute oh I could look into his eyes forever-

"Shut up Kook!" and then you take a breath and mumble under your breath,

"Camilla is pretty too." Little did you know that Jungkook was too busy making kissy faces to hear you, but Jin and Taehyung definitely share a look.

The third time is when the band is having a dress rehearsal and the style is very edgy and the boys are dressed in jewelry and punk rock and eyeliner, but they want to put you in this white frilly dress even though you have to dance, and...and you just don't want it.

So when one of the Noonas isn't looking you grab one of Yoongis discarded outfits and put it on, a pair of black skinny jeans, a metal chain, and a white tea with a black suit blazer.

When you go to show the boys they don't make a fuss, and you hope no one notices it's not your original outfit. But then one of the noonas is bringing you the dress and you're casually walking away from her but she starts to shout,

"(y/n), isn't this your original outfit? Where did you find that?"

But then Jimin is throwing an arm around you and glancing you up and down, "Ugh, our little maknae is growing up, can she wear this instead noona?"

And the girl just huffs out a fine while Jimin pats your cheek lovingly, "I got your back."

But you never could have imagined telling them like this. You wanted to sit all of them down and pass around hot chocolate and have a revelation about your sexuality and gender status.

But no, nothing can ever go your way.

Hobi was introducing Becky G to the 7 of you in person. It was a few months after chicken noodle soup had come out and she had decided to stop in Korea for a break on her solo tour. Hobi thought it was only right for the rest of BTS to meet her since they had worked so well together.

It was the way she walked into the room with so much confidence, wearing whatever the hell she wanted, and glancing at you with a wink as she bowed and repeated the mantra she had been learning for weeks.

"Annyeonghaseyo, (y/n)!" Respond back to her, it's not that hard. Just say hello.

"I'm so fucking gay."

You could literally feel the temperature in the room change and even some of your security guards passed you a look.

Shit.

"Well not like, fully gay, I'm bisexual."

Why are you still talking!?

An awkward chuckle left your mouth as sets of eyes stared at you, and as if you couldn't make things any more uncomfortable, you added,

"I want to use she/they pronouns."

"(y/n), love, we aren't mad." You had just arrived back at the dorms and immediately sprinted for your room but Namjoon was hot on your heels.

"Got her." You squealed as Jungkook wrapped his arm around you and practically dragged you to the common area.

"So you swing both ways?" Jimin added nonchalantly both of his legs tossed over your lap, "that is the best way to live life, dear."

"Jimin! Not helping" Jin berated before taking a seat next to you on the couch,

"How long have you known?"

"I feel like, subconsciously I've known for a while, but I didn't really accept it until six months ago."

Jin winces at your words,

"did you think we would be mad? Six months is a long time."

"It must have been hard to keep that to yourself," Yoongi adds, rubbing a soft circle into your palm.

Namjoon sighs from the loveseat next to Tae, "Look, (y/n), you're our little sister, and we will never be mad at you for doing what you need to do to be comfortable in your own skin."

"We'll always support you, in fact, if you need any lady advice-" Tae's suggestive smirk is cut off by Hobi who smacks him on the back of the head.

"Now is not the time!?"

"Whether or not you want to go public with this information is up to you, but we'll need to talk to Bang PD if so." You nod at Namjoons words but thinking about going public makes your head spin.

"But Namjoon, if they don't want to, we can keep it our little secret, right?" Jimin's use of the pronoun causes you to shift your eyes to him, and before you know it you're attacking him in a hug.

Namjoon adds with a smile on his face,

"of course, whenever they're ready."

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aibhilin-atibeka · 2 years

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Hi! ^_^ For the Happy Fic Writer: #2 :)

I got an ask! Thank you @jbd302020 for the ask~ (and also for the Happy Fic Writer Ask Game post, that one's name already lifted my spirits)

2. Talk about a favorite comment you received.

:D Ooooooh lovely! I love talking about comments I've received - they're all lovely and will one day be bound into a book, I promise, to leaf through whenever I want a bit of a cheer-me-up.

Since it's been a hot moment that I started writing fanfic, tho, 10 years back, where's the time gone? I don't even know where to start I gotta admit... XD

More of my rambling about those can be found under the cut, as per usual!

[A gif from the first opening of One Piece: Strawhat Luffy with a joyous grin running then jumping up high, with the sun’s ray as the last image; all of it in black and white]

In general, I like the comment system on AO3 better than the one on ff.net - mostly due to the fact that replies to any comments I receive are visible to everyone on there.

𝓣𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓼𝓪𝓲𝓭, 𝓸𝓷𝓮 𝓭𝓪𝔂 𝓘’𝓶 𝓰𝓸𝓷𝓷𝓪 𝓫𝓲𝓷𝓭 𝓪𝓵𝓵 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓬𝓸𝓶𝓶𝓮𝓷𝓽𝓼 𝓘 𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓻 𝓻𝓮𝓬𝓮𝓲𝓿𝓮𝓭 𝓲𝓷𝓽𝓸 𝓪 𝓫𝓸𝓸𝓴, 𝔂’𝓪𝓵𝓵 𝔀𝓪𝓽𝓬𝓱 𝓶𝓮; 𝓽𝓱𝓮𝔂’𝓻𝓮 𝓢𝓤𝓒𝓗 𝓪 𝓼𝓸𝓾𝓻𝓬𝓮 𝓸𝓯 𝓳𝓸𝔂 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝓶𝓮, 𝓲𝓽 𝓬𝓪𝓷 𝓯𝓻𝓪𝓷𝓴𝓵𝔂 𝓸𝓷𝓵𝔂 𝓫𝓮 𝓾𝓷𝓭𝓮𝓻𝓼𝓽𝓪𝓽𝓮𝓭 𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓮, 𝓷𝓸 𝓶𝓪𝓽𝓽𝓮𝓻 𝔀𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝔀𝓸𝓻𝓭𝓼 𝓘 𝓬𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓭 𝓾𝓼𝓮 𝓽𝓸 𝓭𝓮𝓼𝓬𝓻𝓲𝓫𝓮 𝔀𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓽𝓱𝓮𝔂 𝓶𝓮𝓪𝓷 𝓽𝓸 𝓶𝓮.

I’m lucky in that the VAST majority of them are absolutely, heartwarmingly positive; some people trying to guess where I’m headed next, what path the story’s taking or having figured out the identity of some character (I distinctly remember one single comment shouting out the name “POCHI!” at least twice, presumably because they were so surprised and delighted by my addition to the story that it had to be said multiple times too :D), overall an utterly happy experience to be on the receiving end of all of these.

Personally, I adore interacting with my readers as the story develops - and I won’t ever leave a comment not replied to, of that you can rest assured. (some days I’ve no energy to write anything, so it can take a little while until I get around to doing that, just fyi)

My readers are a delight, in my humble opinion. :) Shameless plug here, but: You’re all awesome.

I’m digressing; back to the ask now, tho. XD

Favourite comment, huh? Tell me how to pick a favourite ray of comforting, warm sunshine on my face, will you? Only with that skill I can even try to get close to picking a favourite from my inbox, methinks.

Not to say that there aren’t lovely ones in there - but to get any comment at all? When I started to write (and post) most of these stories for my own gain (pretty much any of the lot I chuck out there because I think it might, one day, make someone’s day to find it), that’s a huge reward already.

Means people find it worthwhile to let me know what they think of it. :)

Now, slight caveat, I’m not a fan of receiving criticism when I didn’t ask for it, or receiving a comment about a different fic’s continuation on any one fic of mine - but I haven’t ever had to say much of anything about that yet in all the ten years+ that I’ve put stories out there to be read.

I’m counting myself to the lucky fanfic writers out there, concerning that. =^_^=

I can talk about the loveliest comments I’ve received so far?

I’ve found that lots of the comments that make my days a LOT brighter are mirroring what I think about my own fics, tbh. Some are just made of emojis - and I dance because, hey, COMMENT IN MY INBOX! A lot of the loveliest comments talk about theories. Very many of them simply shout out loud one or two names of the characters that appear in my story. Quite a few I love because they’re giving me ideas, plot bunnies and prompts to kick off the next chapter with.

Comments come in all sorts of ways and forms, too - I’ve gotten reaction gifs on discord, comments on word documents in gdocs as someone gave them while reading the story, gotten shouted at (and chatted to) in voice channels while someone’s read my story and managed to (at least once) be present when someone read my story right in front of me. ALL of these forms and ways of giving me feedback are valid and holy hell, but I’m getting SO GIDDY just thinking of what’ll come next, what way I can see my readers react to a story next-

Just, the mere fact that I can share my stories and have them be responded to? In any way whatsoever? Is so amazing to behold? (≧◡≦)

Frankly, fanfic has helped me through so many tough moments of my life and comments? This little tidbit that’s regarding MY STORIES? Have made my days so much brighter simply by existing, seriously, I can’t say how much I love these tiny bits of love expressed in letters.

𝓘 𝔀𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓭𝓷’𝓽 𝓫𝓮 𝔀𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓮 𝓘 𝓪𝓶 𝔀𝓲𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓾𝓽 𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓶, 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓽’𝓼 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝓼𝓾𝓻𝓮.

So yeah, thank you to all my readers out there: any of your comments absolutely make my days - I mean it when I say I’m dancing at every comment I receive. It’ll be my dragon’s hoard for whenever rainy days are upon me.

I think I drifted off-topic a little in the middle there... hope that sufficiently answered your ask? XD

#ask answered #happy fic writer ask game #ask game #fanfic ask game #comments are the best #comments #my fanfic writing

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sailordiavolo · 3 years

Note

I'm curious, how do you think nero would react to meeting Alice, if she is his mom?

(very long post)

well, i may have to take a few liberties in answering this, so i shall establish some assumptions. 1) we assume alice is his mom (obvi) 2) we assume she is alive 3) we assume that she left him in fortuna as a way to protect him and 4) we assume that alice became a devil hunter. oh and 5) they meet post-canon, aka after the events of dmc5.

also, conclusions i draw from this will be somewhat based on how i would react, if put in these circumstances, i.e. if i were in nero’s shoes. i don’t know if that might make it strange or not, because sometimes i think i have abnormal reactions to emotional things happening.

another thing i would like to point out, is that as someone who hasn’t actually read the manga, my understanding of alice comes from second-hand accounts, and information i could glean from the wiki, and of a few panels i’ve seen. that being said, let’s get into this, shall we?

before covering nero’s reaction, i’ll touch on how i think alice might be as a person, or at least her feelings towards being a mother, and possibly towards nero himself. i’ll also talk about nero’s thoughts towards what he thinks his mother might be like, prior to finding out.

alice

from what little i know about alice, she was a little girl who was used by arkham as a tool to lure out the sons of sparda. (i think if lady/mary hadn’t turned against him, that role would’ve went to her tbh). i think it’s safe to say she was groomed by arkham, who probably also put her up to seducing dante (and vergil too). it just gets worse the more you think about it, really. i think she was forced to (or made to feel like she needed to) grow up prematurely. the powers she has were probably given to her via some weird demonic ritual, (assuming she’s human). what i’m getting at here, is that she definitely has a lot of trauma from all this, all of which would affect how she’d react to having a baby.

i won’t go so far as to diagnose her, but some things i thought she might struggle with include intense self-hatred and very low self esteem, very quickly going from feelings of independence to codependency, intense trust issues especially with authority figures, nightmares or night terrors, vivid daydreaming as a coping mechanism, being prone to delusion, going from feeling emotionless to having too much emotions, and not wanting to be perceived versus wanting to be the centre of attention.

that’s a lot actually, but basically i imagine alice as an adult to be someone who has a lot of trauma to sift through and unpack, and not really knowing how to handle it most of the time, especially since she’s doing it all on her own. barely keeping it together, but powering through it simply because she has just enough reasons to keep living.

alice as a mother

i don’t think there’s any question that alice, had she been nero’s mother, would’ve loved him dearly. in fact, i think he would remain a strong reason for her to keep going. however, she keeps herself away from him. this is because she wants him to have something better, something safer than what she can give him. she doesn’t know how to be a mother really, especially given how young she was when she had him.

i think alice would actually feel unworthy of being in nero’s life, feeling guilty for abandoning him, despite these reasons. she has considered many times going to see him, especially when she’s older and a little more stable, but she can’t bring herself to do it. and then she mulls over all the things she struggles to do for herself, and uses that as a reason to justify in her mind why she shouldn’t be seeing him. it continues like that for a long time.

nero

nero, on the other hand, has always longed for a mother. i don’t think this is any secret. when he was being bullied or was suffering as a child, he would fantasise about his mother, and how she would come to whisk him away. although it never happened, nero probably has a set image that he hopes his mother would be like. this may have been more specific when he was a child, but by the time he’s a more well-rounded adult with foster children of his own, he gains more perspective. i think the most important thing to him is that he had a mother who had loved him. a mother who would’ve taken him home, had she the resources. the idea of his mother discarding him really wounds him deep down, and i still don’t think he’s over it, even up to dmc5. that’s why the deadweight comment hit him so hard.

meeting each other

the first thing nero is going to be is overwhelmed, feeling all-too many emotions at once. if he ever met her, it would take him a long time to process it all completely. and it would be somewhat odd and awkward, too. alice doesn’t strike me as the most socially eloquent person. that and, alice doesn’t really come off as a mother. she certainly doesn’t dress like one. she doesn’t even seem that much older than nero, or so nero thinks. he just expected her to be older than that.

the first thing alice would feel the need to do is apologise. of course, she feels very emotionally raw & vulnerable in this situation, but she feels like she owes nero that much.

nero would start crying actually. like a baby. they both might. it would be very emotional for both of them and anyone else present. he would definitely warm up to alice a lot quicker than he did vergil.

nero of course, has so many questions for alice, who is at a point where she’s ready to answer them, i’d think. nero would ask all sorts of questions, like how she’s been living, etc. but he’d really wanna know about how she met vergil and how the hell that happened. alice sits with nero and tells him her story, maybe the first time she’s ever told it aloud to anyone in full. she asks about nero as well, sitting and catching up on all the years lost between them. being a foster father, nero is able to empathise with alice more as he listens.

i think they would bond very quickly after that. alice had been terrified that nero would spurn her, but he didn’t. alice has difficulty expressing emotions normally, and probably has her own way of expressing affection. but after meeting nero, she tries hard to make time to visit him.

if she were to become a devil hunter based in fortuna or something, i think she’d be very proud of nero, and nero would be totally amazed by alice’s strange powers.

also, i think nero wouldn’t know whether to call her mom or not. alice doesn’t know which she prefers either, but if nero does decide to call her mom, it secretly makes her happy.

#extremely long post #sorry about the length i needed to lay all that groundwork down if i was going to understand what they’d do #convoluted thought process moment #lmk if u think that’s accurate or not !!#if not i’m totally open to hear more thoughts #bc i really had to reach into my brain for this one #not that it was too difficult #i just had to transform my thoughts about alice from nebulous cloud into solid concepts #dmc alice #devil may cry #dmc nero

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askaceattorney · 3 years

Text

Dear 91teivos,

Mod Vera: Thanks! Everyone in the world is going through some kind of existential crisis, so it made sense for the AA characters to join the party! (And since it was another follower who gave us the idea, we might just keep that idea in the think that after all...)

Dear dawsongfg,

Mod Vera: No need to apologize! We like to space out letters from specific people a little, but we’ll answer as many as we can!

(Referenced Letter)

Dear Bluedragoncody,

Co-Mod: Don’t worry. I doubt they’ll have much luck against the Ace Attorney crew, even without the Proto Badger. They have the ultimate weapon against despair in their arsenal, after all.

...They’re doomed, aren’t they?

I can’t make any promises, but if I ever gain enough skill in the art of animation (which has been a dream of mine for a long time, it turns out), I’ll keep that idea in mind.

Dear skibot99,

Mod Vera: Probably Tumblr bein’ weird. (What else is new?)

Dear sheeeesh,

Mod Vera: Mods get brought on as needed, as you can see with the arrival of Mod Edgeworth! Also, DGS2 is one of the few AA titles I’ve never played, but rest assured. Where there’s a letter, there’s a Mod who can answer it!

Mod Edgeworth: To add to Mod Vera, even if you weren’t accepted during any mod applications, that doesn’t mean you have lost all chances. I applied early January and lost to Mod Vera. Regardless, Co-Mod informed me that, even though I was rejected, he saw my potential and kept me in mind for if I was ever needed. Now, here I am.

Just because you get rejected, that doesn’t mean it’s game over. Show that you have potential and make yourself known by sending letters to us. That is what I did, after being rejected. I made myself known to the mods by sending letters. We do read them and they tell us how much you know the characters and games of AA more than any application. Of course, you must also follow the guidelines. That just goes without saying.

Co-Mod: I think my actual words were something like “Don’t tell anyone, but you were my second choice.” But yeah, what they said is true -- becoming a Mod here, like many things, may or may not happen to you, but you can definitely increase your chances by waiting patiently and demonstrating your potential.

As for DGS2 letters, I’m afraid those are still off-limits unless you know of a way to play or watch the game in its entirety, translated into English. I guess I could check to see if the Dai Gyakuten Saiban 2 channel finished translating...

(Translation: Whaaaaaaaaaaaat?! ...D-Don’t tell me?!)

...Okay, looks like I have some watching to do. Don’t know how I missed that.

So, uh... That part in bold was what I was going to say. Now that both games are finally getting an official English version, all I can say is, hang tight!

(Previous Post)

Dear Inferno again,

Co-Mod: Yeah, I agree. I was just joking around. For anyone who didn’t catch it, that was a reference to Sbemail #108.

The event’s technically over, but we’ll answer the rest of the April Fools’ Day letters when they reach the bottom of the queue. I’m as eager to see Trucy’s reaction to the news (after the stunned silence) as anyone else, after all.

(Video in Letter -- Strong Language Warning)

Dear Ella,

Mod Edgeworth:

I can’t see the first link and....

How did you find this masterpiece and where can I play this game?

Co-Mod: We don’t check for direct messages on Tumblr, if that’s what you’re referring to, so it wouldn’t have made any difference anyway. You can always send links in your letters, of course.

(Previous Post)

Dear Inferno,

Mod Edgeworth: That mad lad would be me and thank you.

I like to put my heart and effort when answering these letters. With this one, I figured you wanted to see Trucy in costume, so I just searched up an image on Google for the Ancient One’s costume, a sprite of Trucy and a bald head to put on her. The rest I photoshopped on GIMP.

We’re still going through letters from January. Hopefully we will get the rest of yours soon enough.

Mod Edgeworth: Thank you very much. Your support and the others’ support that have liked, commented and reblogged it mean a lot. As you have stated, a majority of the fandom seem to consider him the worst. I’d like to think it’s because how AA had created this villain of a character to be universally hated was pure genius. Not even the Phantom gets this much hate… and that’s saying something.

Unfortunately, I’d like to keep my real identity outside this blog a secret. I write a lot of letters here and I don’t want to break the spell for anyone. Think of it like a Disney theme park. The cast that play the characters will never admit their true identities, outside of family and close friends, to prevent the experience from being ruined. I want to do the same as a Mod. I don’t want to break the spell of writing to your favorite AA characters. This blog had helped me through my tough times and I want to help everyone else as a mod.

However, I will answer your letters and, if you post anything on your account, a mysterious friend I know may linger and give you a like ;)

(Previous Letter)

Dear Ali S. Fakenamington,

Co-Mod: Beautifully so.

(Previous Letter)

Dear Sinyove,

Mod Edgeworth: That letter was made in 2012 before AA5 and AA6, which was WAY before I became a part of the AA fandom. I’m certain a lot of us were not here when this letter was made, except maybe Co-Mod, but you’ll have to speak with him about this. I will say that the mod that answered this is no longer working here... I think. At the very least, I haven’t heard from him.

That being said, AA4 or Apollo Justice was the first AA game I’ve ever played. Despite all of the hate I saw towards that game, I still loved it regardless. Though, having not played the trilogy, playing the tutorial of AJ was a pain in the ass. I remember going to YouTube to find out how to beat it, because it was so hard. I also played it on PC.

I do see where The Mod was coming from. Had the two sequel games never existed, Apollo Justice would have more holes than my brothers’ socks. My only critique is that Phoenix wasn’t any better either with having Mia babysitting him during almost every trial AND investigations. Hell, Phoenix needed Mia to know how to talk to a kid, talk to a perverted old man, almost gave up in most of his trials in the first game and never conducted a trial without Mia until Turnabout Goodbyes when Maya literally couldn’t summon her. For the most part, Apollo was doing fine on his own without Phoenix, with only Trucy assisting him for the two middle trials, only almost giving up once and Phoenix having assisted him during times when Apollo was not in a normal situation (like when the criminal turned out to be his own co-council/mentor or when he had to lead a trial that included the Jury System). That’s more than Phoenix ever did on his own in the first two games and I think Apollo deserves more credit than he got in that letter in my opinion.

For me, Apollo Justice is one of those games you either like or you hate. I love it for what it is. My least favorite AA game would have to be Ace Attorney Investigations, the first game. The second one is my absolute favorite.

Co-Mod: Sadly, I haven’t seen or heard from the Mod in a while, so it may be time for us to declare him MIA again.

Erm... Sorry, poor choice of words.

I’m fairly certain I wasn’t around 5 years long ago, but I have to say, Capcom did a great job of making Apollo and his story more interesting over time. He may not be Phoenix, but he certainly carried his legacy forward pretty well, both as an attorney and as an Ace Attorney protagonist.

Now, WHAT ABOUT ATHENA ALREADY!?

Dear BDC,

Co-Mod: It fits like a glove, if you ask me...although it also kind of reminds me of 101 Dalmatians. And thanks for that bit of info! I never get tired of watching people enjoying the fun dialogue and plot twists of Ace Attorney, so I might have to look him up.

I’m not sure I feel the same about watching Dahlia’s voice actress, though. I’m sure she’s a nice person and all, but the thought of hearing that voice for so long... *shudder*

(Previous Letter)

Dear dawsongfg again,

Co-Mod: I wasn’t trying to say that natural deaths can’t happen in the Ace Attorney universe, just that most deaths aren’t what they seem. I knew right away that Archie Buff’s death was no accident, for one thing. Waaaaay too much of a coincidence, know what I mean?

-The Mods

#91teivos #dawsongfg #bluedragoncody #ajanisapprentice #skibot99 #sheeeesh #Ella #moonlitgraffiti #Ali S. Fakenamington #sinyove #Mod Post #Mod Vera #Co Mod #Mod Edgeworth

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dragonswithjetpacks · 4 years

Text

Pretty Thoughts

Chapter Five: His Lies, Her Resentment

-dragonswithjetpacks

Notes: Bite scene! Woo! This turned out way fluffier than I imagined. But I like it. I almost wanted to make this it's own separate thing. Enjoy my confused babes trying to sort through their angry thirsty feelings for each other.

Read here on Ao3.

The worm twisted. And turned. It fed on thoughts, memories, ones that held no happiness in her head. A dark creature in the wood. A dead animal. A hand full of blood. A paper with black scratches across it. She turned as every single image flashed by. Sleep was not coming. And there was no voice to steady her muttering thoughts. A creeping feeling spread from the base of her neck into her skull. She opened her eyes, feeling the urge to roll over. She turned, meeting the red eyes of a very close Astarion.

"... shit," he said flatly.

He leaned back on his haunches with a guilty face, freezing in place with the anticipation of her retaliation. He grimaced at first, knowing fully well he had been caught. Whatever it was he was doing, it was enough to make him recoil in shame. Ferelith pushed herself upward, scooting back to put some distance between them. Astarion stood, stumbling a bit as he did from throwing himself out of balance.

"What the hell are you doing?" she said loud enough to cause Gale to look up from his book.

"No, no. It's not what it looks like. I swear!" Astarion said, his hands up, glancing behind him at the fear of an attack. "I just needed... well..."

Ferelith waited impatiently, her eyes scanning his face as it went into a panic. He still felt as if he could hear her heart. It made the hunger all that much worse. His head dropped, eyes staring hard into the ground. His shoulders slumped. His voice lowered.

"...blood," he finally admitted, his eyes hesitant to meet hers.

The humiliation he felt had transferred over to Ferelith as she realized how dense she must have been for not seeing it sooner. The conversations they had. The misleading and pointless flirtations. The stupid boar in the forest. And if that wasn't enough, his appearance alone should have been proof. She felt ashamed for her own intelligence.

"I knew it," she shook her head aggressively, propping herself up onto her cot. "The moment you saw that boar, I knew you were hiding something."

"It's not what you think," he continued his attempt to defend himself. "I'm not some monster. I feed on animals. Boars. Deer. Kobalds. Whatever I can get."

Ferelith reached up, grabbing the back of her neck as she remembered the sensation her body sent through her spine to warn her. "You... you were going to bite me."

"I wasn't going to hurt you," he reassured her. "I'm just too slow right now. Too weak. If I just had a little blood... I could think clearer. Fight better... please..."

There were too many instances of his deceiving nature running through her head. The persuasiveness. The lies. The hints that she knew she should have heeded.

"Why didn't you ask me?" she questioned, as it was the only thing she could.

"At best, I thought you'd say no. More likely, you'd ram a stake through my ribs."

"Ram a-" she scoffed at him. "You couldn't just tell me?"

"No... I needed you to trust me. And you can trust me," his words dropped into that low tone again, but all she could hear was more lies.

It was the same trick he used before. And regardless of whether or not he was telling the truth now, she only believed it was more of his persuasive tactics luring her to swoon over the sound of his voice.

"How am I supposed to trust you?" she pushed herself up onto her feet.

"Because we don't have choice," he said abruptly, his voice rising. "Not if we're going to save ourselves from the these... worms."

"I'm fairly certain I have a lot of choices right now," she straightening her doublet.

"I need you alive," he changed coarse. "And you need me strong."

He was still unable to identify the feeling he received when he looked at her. Ferelith was scowling, but it was more than that. He couldn't stand the look of her and he glanced away long enough to regain himself.

"Please," he begged, casting aside the seriousness of the matter. "It will only be a taste. I swear. I'll be well. You'll be fine. And..." he thought about the look on her face... and the teasing smiles they had shared before... "And everything can go back to normal. I swear."

"You swear?" her head dropped but her eyes were still fixated on his. "That's the best you can do?"

He held that gaze for as long as he could before his guilt caused him to look aside. Ferelith saw the weakness, snarling at his cowardly approach and pathetic begging. She looked across the fire to Gale who had been watching intently from his cot, but all together remaining uninvolved. He was interested in what she would do. And a twisted thought curled into her head as she did not care for his judgement.

"I just need time to process this," she shook her head, unable to answer him directly.

She took a step forward, but Astarion swept to the side to block her path.

"This is why I didn't want-"

"Astarion," she said abruptly and harshly, preventing him from speaking further, making him even forget what he had inherently wanted to say. "You've been lying to me and attempting to seduce me in order to gain my trust. How am I supposed to react?"

"What?" he questioned, admittedly confused.

"You've been forthcoming with the flirtations, it's hardly gone ignored. Not mention the tacky comments pulled from cheap romance novels. And the promises of protection? Guarding the camp? They were all lies. Every single one."

"Not all of them," he said desperately, not that she would believe him now.

"Tch," she cast her head to the side with an eye roll that could send the mountains to the sky.

He glanced down at her crossed arms where she pressed her chest tightly together. His sight craned upward, gazing at her neck, finally landing on her jaw. It was clenched tightly with frustration. Her laugh lines were apparent as she tightened her lips. Her brow pressed down to the bridge of her nose, causing wrinkles to appear across it. Ferelith was not just disappointed he had lied... she was angry. Rightfully so, but still... for odd reasons.

"You're angry because you believe my interest in you was an act," he almost sounded pleased.

"An act?" her head snapped, eyes now wide and focused on him. "You think I'm angry because you played pretend?"

Her hands unfolded and he realized this was far more serious than a temper tantrum. There was a flash of darkness to her eyes. He chose to remain silent, not only for his safety but also out of pure curiosity. He wanted to see how far her anger would take her.

"I might have understood why you lied if not for the way you chose to cover it. You felt as though you needed to toy with my emotions in order for me to trust you. That you could just," she flailed her hands,"roll me over like a common tavern whore to get me to go along with anything you said. I'm angry because you couldn't just be honest with the belief that I was worthy of the truth."

Her eyes lightened as the words filtered down, her voice with it. He looked at her... into her. And he could see something else. A reflection of secrets. Ferelith would have known what it was like to keep something hidden. It was what made her the most angry. That perhaps if she knew what he had been going through, she could have sought some solace herself. The book was a heavy burden. And without being able to commune to her patron, she had grown weaker. Now she had to deal with more burdens. More secrets other than her own. More than what she had bargained for.

"I'm angry..." she said after a break of silence, "... because I thought a little better of you. And you proved me wrong."

The muscles in his neck tightened with an unfamiliar feeling. One he could not place. It caused his arms flex, his hands to curl into fists. He was uneasy in his stomach when he looked at her. The face of resentment. He knew the face. But had never had such a reaction to it. It confused him. Infuriated him. He didn't want to look at it.

"And you don't like being wrong..." he spat back at her, bitterly disappointed at her rejection. "Do you, darling?"

"Somehow, I knew you'd turn out to be one hell of a pompous ass, Astarion."

Twice she said his name in anger. And twice it had gotten a rise from him. He clenched his fists, the churning fires in his chest turning as they raged. He had been yelled at for what he could remember of his entire life. But it was always down on him. Never his name. Never out of emotional anger. And never because someone cared. He knew he was supposed to feel guilty. But he didn't. What he felt... instead... was comfort.

"Ferelith," he called after her, not done quite done with their argument.

"I need to think," she shouted back at him. "If I talk to you anymore it'll just..."

Unable to finish her sentence, she bit her lip, shook her head, and left.

********************************************************************

As she approached him, he rose from his cot.

"I'm surprised you're still here," she said calmly.

"I had hopes you'd be back," he seemed nervous. "As naive as that may seem."

After exhaling with a long deep breath, she dropped her shoulders.

"I may not have come to terms with what has happened," she said, eyes still closed. "But I'll give you this. Just this once."

"Really?" he sounded concerned, as if her permission was a trap.

"Yes," she nodded. "I've put some thought into it. And you're right."

"Well," he smirked. "We can just set that aside for later. For now..."

He stepped closer to her, gesturing to his bedroll. Ferelith looked down, then back to Astarion with his extended hand. She took it and he gently squeezed her hand. He guided her over to the blanket where she knelt down and turned her back to him. She pulled her hair to one side.

"Perhaps you should lie back down for this," he suggested, preparing to kneel next to her.

"I don't want to lie down," she lowered her brow.

"Do what you want, but I imagine with losing blood like that you'll feel a bit lightheaded. Perhaps I can hold you?"

"That's a bit... intimate, isn't it?" she was repulsed by the thought.

"Darling, agreeing to give yourself to another person no matter the degree is the greatest form of intimacy there is. If you didn't know this before you agreed, then I don't know what to say. Does the thought concern you?"

It did.

Ferelith had very little of herself to give anymore. But the discomfort was brushed aside. Matters of the heart were not in play. And there was nothing she needed to worry about. How romantic could it be? It's not as if watching a wolf feasting on it's prey was appealing to watch. She shook her head.

"This doesn't need to be so difficult," she situated herself.

"Though that is so very typical of you," he smirked, his knees hitting the ground behind her.

"I suppose," she sighed. "I suppose if you think I'll collapse you may... hold me."

"My hands will behave themselves, you have my word."

Ferelith smirked. The soft tone she had accused of being false had made it's return. She wanted to believe he was willing to be gentle, despite the brutality of the actual deed. He brought a finger to her chin, lifting it to expose her neck. The sight of it tensing before him made him eager. He could hear the singing of heartbeat once again. The excitement was overwhelming. Ferelith shifted as she became uncomfortable under his stare. They were both uncertain of how it would feel. And they both appeared nervous though they dared not to show it. Ferelith swallowed hard and he could see her throat moving as she did. He leaned forward and she felt her face turn flush. His face was close, his mouth slightly parted, eyes fixated on hers. It felt as if she was about to be kissed. Her heart pounded and he could hear it growing louder. But his head dropped. And his mouth struck her neck. The sting of him puncturing her flesh came first. Then the haze of the blood leaving her body followed. It hurt, but only a little. What cloaked the pain was the odd sensation of the life being drained from her. Her body leaned into him, feeling part of herself lost as he drank. It felt invigorating. As if everything she wanted to forget was leaving her body. Her eyes grew heavy and she felt herself sway. A hand was placed on her her head while the other wrapped around her waste in embrace. From where his lips connected to her neck started a numbing sensation that began to spread into her shoulder. She held her eyes open to the best of her ability, but she was not going to be able to hold herself up and reached to clutch his arm. Everything became heavy. Black spots filled her eyes as they struggled.

"Alright," she said, squeezing his arm hard. "That's... enough..."

She felt her mouth move but was uncertain if the words came out. The confirmation she needed was Astarion, inhaling quickly to catch the last of her blood. He gasped as he pulled away.

"Of course," the cold sensation crept over as he removed his fangs.

The blackness swelled around her and she felt as if she were floating. Her body was lowered to the ground below. And hovering above her, with his hands gently laying her down, was Astarion. Through the black blur that outlined her vision he was watching her carefully as he lay her into his cot. Tenderly pulling her hair away from her face, he was willing to mind the fresh wounds bleeding on her neck. He pulled a cloth from his pocket, placing it to her neck to stop the bleeding.

"That... that was... amazing," he drew the blood from his mouth with a finger from his other free hand, licking it to savor her taste.

There was still a cloudiness to her sight, but she was able to bring her hand to his. Her intention was to hold the cloth in place. But in her haze, she grabbed his hand. Astarion was unsure how to respond to her touch... and let it linger longer than he should have, admiring the warmth on his cold skin. He pulled has hand away, guiding hers to the marks he had left. He rose up and looked down upon her.

"My mind is finally clear... I feel strong... I feel... happy."

"Let's not get too excited," she said, the will in her clearly stronger than her physical strength. "This was temporary. I'll not be so eager to agree to this again."

Astarion's expression dropped for moment, only to perk back up the appearance. "I wouldn't expect more from you, my dear," he gave a slight blow. "Now if you'll excuse me, you're quite invigorating. But I need something more... filling."

"I didn't imagine I would be enough for you," she blinked. "Go on then. Enjoy the rest of the night."

With his back turned, he looked out into the night. He wondered if he had told her truth, perhaps she would have not been so harsh. It was a mistake... he was more certain of it the longer he lingered on it. But there was no way to portray that to her now.

"This is a gift, you know... I'll not forget it..."

But as she drifted away, drifted back to sleep, she felt the blood rush to warm the rest of her body that had gone cold. All she could think about was the sting on her neck. And the touch of his hands around her body. Laying on his cot was the closest thing she would feel to that again. But it didn't suite him. There was nothing about it that reminded her of him. It didn't smell like him. It didn't feel warm. It just felt like... a blanket. And she fell asleep knowing she would have to crawl back to her side of the fire... eventually...

*****************************************************************************

Astarion made his way back to camp with a feeling beyond satisfaction. His hunt was successful. But more so, he felt something new in his body. Something stronger. He observed the camp and found that Ferelith was gone. It had been a few hours and he knew she needed very little sleep. He assumed she was off in the wood somewhere when a throat cleared nearby. Gale, sitting at his cot with his book to his side, was looking up at him.

"Astarion," he said, clearly to keep his attention.

"I really don't want to have this discussion with you right now," he shook his head, already tired from the rather eventful evening.

"There will be a discussion..."

"I don't recall asking for your opinion on the matter."

"I'm not going to sit here and pretend I didn't see what happened. At the very least, you owe her an explanation."

"Fine, fine," Astarion waved the man away, leading his steps toward his cot.

He did not need much sleep, either. But thought a decent rest would do some good. A chance to let everything sink in. The new blood coursing through him. The thrill of his hunt. The feeling of his new strength. The feeling of her in his arms. The taste of her. He closed his eyes. It was not the first time he had thought about her this way. But he hadn't considered it for some time. She was going to be angry with him in the morning. He was not looking forward to it. So he he lay his down to rest for the night with only pleasant thoughts of her swaying through his mind. As Astarion place his head on the makeshift pillow, he could feel the warmth of where her body was. He could still smell Ferelith on his cot from their exchange. First, he made certain no one was looking. And then, he turned his head, inhaling the fragrance from pillow. It smelled of sage, sweet flowers, and dead wood. How fitting...

#astarion #astarion fic #astarion x mc #astarion x oc #astarion x pc #astarion bite scene #game retell #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #astarion x ferelith #ferelith moonshade #ferelith writing tag #have some fluuuuuufffffff #and a bit of aaaaangst

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ka-za-ri · 4 years

Text

Descent Pt. 8

Buckle in! We’re getting kinky! Also, this is one hella long chapter, lol.

°˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖° Thanks for all your encouragement. I may hate everything I write, but y’all seem to enjoy it! Please enjoy this giant bin full of sin. I’m so, so, sorry for uh... ... well I’m sorry. That’s all I can say. (シ_ _)シ

Comments and reblogs always appreciated.

Chapter Index and Obey Me! Masterlist: here Ao3 Mirror: Here Part [1] Part [2] Part [3] Part 4: [4] Part [5] Part [6] Part [7] Part [8] Part [9] Part [10]

Pairing: Simeon x Lucifer x Reader, Lucifer x Simeon (if you squint really hard) Genre: Really dirty smut Wordcount: 8,900 ish Tags: References to self-harm, body worship, multiple orgasms, sex toys, so many sex toys. Threesome F/M/M, Voyeurism, Overstimulation, Light sex magic, Chastity device, Summary: After a busy holiday season, Lucifer wants to celebrate a successful book launch with you and Simeon.

Dive

To no one’s surprise, Simeon’s new title made it to all the bestsellers’ lists. The timing of his novel with holiday season meant that book couldn’t stay on shelves. Everyone clamored to get a copy for themselves as well as a loved one who was a fan of his work. The stress associated with a book launch was vastly different from the process of writing. There was no rest for Simeon as he went immediately on a book tour to help with promotions once the title was released to the masses. It meant that most of your winter was spent following him across the country, helping set up displays and assisting with interviews while he was surrounded by fans.

You were exhausted, you wanted to sleep in your own bed for a change and you swore if you heard one more marriage proposal to Simeon from a fan, you were going to lose the last bits of your sanity. Spending weeks on the road were hellish and you were more than glad that the tour was over just in time for the year to turn over. Even if you weren’t able to spend the holidays at home, you at least got the new year to yourself. During the whole tour, neither you nor Simeon really had a chance to be close. Your professional lives took priority and keeping it cordial was paramount in maintaining his spotless image.

When you finally had time to yourself at home, you finally let your mind wander and tried to sort out your feelings for him. You couldn’t deny you still had an intense crush on the man. With all you went through to get his book written, you started to doubt your feelings. You couldn’t tell if you liked him for who he was or if it was out of obligation you were attached to him. All the intimate moments and all the times he called you his Little Lamb made your heart flutter, sure. It was hard to tell when everything you did with him was under the pretense of work. Did he say those things to get a reaction or did he actually mean them?

Ever since the book was published, Simeon barely interacted with you outside of what was necessary with work. Even if he did want to say something to you about your relationship with him, he was too swamped with his on obligations that there was no way to discuss anything with you in private. Despite working so closely with him, the two of you drifted apart further and further. By the time the new year rolled over and you both finally had some time to unwind, Simeon felt like a stranger to you.

You found yourself spending hours staring at the ceiling mulling over too many thoughts all at once. You could feel the last vestiges of your sanity slipping away as you tried to decipher everything. Simeon was so good at never voicing what he truly wanted, it was impossible to read his thoughts. With how distant he had become with work, it was even harder to predict what he would do next. With the massive success of his new book, the publishing house was already discussing the possibility of a whole series of smutty novels under his name. Just the thought of being used again for his book made you weary. It had been an arduous journey to just get one final product, you didn’t want to think about having to do it again anytime soon. Luckily, Simeon requested some additional time to go over the new contracts before signing them.

It was both a relief and a curse to have time to think over the offer. On one hand, the two of you would have continuous work. On the other hand, you would be once again used for his gain while his feelings remained ambiguous for you. You had enough of him toying with you and you truly wished for an opportunity to get him to open up to you somehow.

You were in yet another round of beating yourself up over falling for someone who was so enigmatic when your phone rang. Checking the number, it wasn’t one that you recognized. Though it was your normal policy to ignore unknown numbers, something compelled you to answer the call this time around.

“Hello?”

“Good afternoon. It’s lovely to hear your voice again after so long.”

“L-Lucifer?” You squeaked, sitting straight up as if he was right in front of you. “How did you get this number?”

“Oh, I have my ways.” He said nonchalantly after a brief chuckle. “Congratulations on the successful book launch and follow up tour, by the way.”

“Ah… Thank you.” You didn’t know why you were so flustered. He wasn’t actually physically there, but the closeness of his voice reminded you of how amazing it was the last time the two of you were in the same room together. “But you should really be giving the thanks to Simeon, he did all the hard work.”

“He did. But you did have a heavy hand in… helping him, did you not?”

Your whole body warmed in embarrassment. Of all people to know the dark secret behind Simeon’s book, it had to be one of the most powerful people in the country. Inwardly, you prayed he wouldn’t hold that information as blackmail against the two of you. “I… I helped a little...”

“So humble.” Lucifer chuckled again, rather amused at the exchange you were having with him. “I’ve been keeping track of the book sales and I have to say, I’m rather impressed. Thanks to him, and by proxy you, stocks in my company have risen quite dramatically. If you have some time, I’d like to thank you personally with a small private party.”

“I… Eh? What?” You were left speechless by the offer.

“Simeon is my friend, I know he’s probably overworked from writing a book and then going on a tour. If I remember correctly, neither of you got to spend the holidays at home. Why not make it up now when you have time?”

Lucifer was awfully persuasive, his tone was made of velvet and you felt yourself relaxing from just listening to his voice. “I… I can free up my schedule.”

“Excellent. Now, I have a few ideas on what we can do for Simeon.” You couldn’t see it, but you could feel the excitement Lucifer had in his voice as you fell into what felt like a trap with him. “I think you know as well as I do that he doesn’t ever voice what he wants. I’m thinking this would be a good time to get him to open up, don’t you?”

You felt a heat rising up your neck and pooling at your cheeks. He didn’t say it explicitly, but you had an idea about where the conversation was going. Still, it was rude to assume anything. “What do you have in mind?”

“I do hope your evening is free, I’ve got quite a bit to discuss.”

“The night is all yours.”

Simeon didn’t know how he was convinced to go to this celebration Lucifer set up. The fact that his friend went to you first made it feel like there were ulterior motives to this little get together. Even if he’d only met you once before, Lucifer had already figured out how much sway you had over Simeon and that was the most frightening thing to realize. He knew the demon had a slew of tricks up his sleeve; despite the innocent grounds of the celebration, Simeon felt an anxiety he hadn’t before. Whenever Lucifer was involved, things were always more than they seemed.

The long ride up to his friend’s penthouse perched atop his high rise corporate building gave him too much time to ponder what was going to happen. His mind ran away with too many dark scenarios, by the time he was halfway through the floors, Simeon was visibly shaking. What if it was a trap? What if you were coerced to invite him? Would you even be there? What was the point of the celebration? He had already gone through all the ceremonies and parties he needed, why did he need to go to this one in particular?

“Lucifer invited us to a party to celebrate your new book, can we go?” Ah, there it was. The only reason why he agreed to arrive at all. Your voice had been so sweet and excited when you broke the news to him. You had no idea what kind of person Lucifer was and he was helpless to protect you from the demon’s schemes. The least he could do was accompany you whenever you were in his presence.

The last few floors to the top and Simeon was having doubts about going. He nearly stopped the elevator’s ascent before he remembered the favor he owed Lucifer. Being in debt to the demon was never something he wanted. It was only out of obligation that he was attending. Once it was all over, he would figure out a way to patch things up with you that didn’t involve Lucifer. The distance that developed between you had become unbearable and he needed to do something about it before he chased you away forever.

“Oh, I’m so glad you’ve finally decided to grace us with your presence.” Lucifer’s called from the other side of the room. “Took you long enough, I was starting to think that the elevator had broken down.”

Simeon looked around at the luxurious abode, taking in the beautiful sunset that shone through the floor to ceiling windows. A small table was already set with food, bottles of champagne sat chilling in ice. A single paltry mylar balloon set at the middle of the table had “Congratulations!” printed across it, the only thing that really even denoted that the gathering was any sort of celebration. He never was good at decorating…

He took a tentative step towards where the festivities were to take place. It was rather impressive just how much Lucifer amassed during his time in the human realm. More importantly, he took the time to take in his surroundings and look for you. Any sign that you were safe was all he needed to be put at ease.

He found you lounging on a sofa, looking out to the city, admiring the landscape from such a height. Seeing you dressed in a lovely cocktail dress made him feel rather out of place with his usual over-sized sweater and jeans. He had thought it was a casual affair, not anything that he would need to dress for. “I guess I didn’t get the memo about the dress code.” he joked to get your attention.

He didn’t want to think about how your skin glowed in the warm light of the sunset. Avert his eyes as he might, it was hard not to admire how the fabric clung to you in the most flattering way. It was hard to look away. His daze only broke when Lucifer just happened to pop open a bottle of champagne.

The attention didn’t go unnoticed. The plan you had concocted with Lucifer was going just swimmingly. It had been a trial to keep all the delicious details away from him, but seeing his bewildered expression was worth it. You got up from your seat and took a flute of the bubbly Lucifer was offering to bring over to Simeon. “Well, you’re the guest of honor, so you’re free to wear whatever you want.”

Simeon laughed softly, trying not to let his gaze linger on your collarbone. Your fingers brushed against his own when he took the flute from your hand. Just from that little contact, he was acutely aware of Lucifer watching your every action. Something was afoot, and he couldn’t discern if you were in on the plan as well. For what it was worth, you looked absolutely enchanting in that dress. He would have to at least thank Lucifer later for letting such a beautiful sight grace his eyes. Perhaps, the party wouldn’t be all too bad after all. “Just the three of us?”

“Well, my assistant would have been here too, but a sister company needed to borrow her for a business trip.” Lucifer shrugged. “She was so looking forward to seeing her favorite author in person too.”

Simeon raised a brow, taking a sip of the champagne. He could tell where the conversation was going. The copy of his book on a side table confirmed his suspicions. “Ah, let me guess. You want to give her a signed copy of the book when she gets back?”

“How’d you guess?”

“Not the first time I’ve had this talk.”

Lucifer laughed softly. “Well, you do owe me a favor.”

“That I do. Are you cashing it in now?”

“Not right now. Just relax and enjoy yourself, I called you here to celebrate your success, not make you do any more work.” He raised his glass for a toast and Simeon obliged.

The conversation subtly changed to other mundane topics. With the help of the alcohol, Simeon was able to relax and be less paranoid about his friend’s intentions. Still trying to be as respectable as he could be, he sat next to you while the three of you chatted. The small bites at the table slowly dwindled as you all partook in nibbling on them at intervals. You barely noticed the sun disappearing past the horizon until the lights came on.

At that point, Simeon was finally lax enough to speak freely. He had gone off on a tangent about the difficulties in cooking a proper fillet of fish. The rant lasted much longer than anticipated, and though you were invested in what he was saying, there were other plans that needed to be put into motion. His lips were too loose and you needed to shut him up somehow.

“Hey, Simeon?”

“Hm? What is i-- Mmph!” He never finished his sentence as you had pulled him into a torrid kiss. The libations and the lax company had made it so easy to fantasize about him, the plan Lucifer concocted with you only fueled your desires. As soon as you had him where you wanted, you straddled him on the sofa, deepening the kiss. He tasted like champagne and spices. The cologne he had on seemed stronger than usual, or perhaps that was also because of the alcohol? Regardless, he was delicious and better than anything else you had that evening.

“Wait. You can’t. You’re drunk… Lucifer is...” Simeon stuttered and you placed a finger on his kiss swollen lips.

“I’m not drunk. Lucifer knows exactly what’s going on.” You reassured. “Let us treat you right. You’ve worked so hard lately. Relax...”

He bit at his lower lip, staring into your eyes in hopes of finding some fault in your confidence only to see that there was none. You had days to prepare yourself for this moment. There was no going back and you were absolutely living. He looked so sweet and unassuming with that bewildered look of his. It was almost a shame to hide his beautiful eyes when Lucifer came up from behind the sofa and draped the blindfold over his face. “Relax...” he said softly into the angel’s ear, slipping a little bit of magic into his voice. “It’s been a long time since you’ve had release, I know… Let us take care of you.”

He could feel the magic seep into him, unwinding his tense muscles and his mind drifted into an odd state of hyperawareness as his senses were taken away from him. A part of him wanted to fight against the magic, resist the pull of calmness that crept through his veins. Whatever powers he had to contest against the charm working its way through his limbs were quickly dashed away as you went back into him for another kiss. You took your time, savoring the softness of his lips and the heat of his breath as he succumbed to the two of you.

You glanced up at Lucifer after breaking the kiss and he raised an amused brow. It had been much easier to get Simeon to comply than he had anticipated. He would have thought the angel would have used at least some of his celestial powers to combat the little spell he wove into his words. His hand gently pat Simeon’s hair like a beloved pet while your fingers played at the hem of his sweater.

Simeon tensed up again when he felt his shirt being lifted and pulled it back down, shying away from your touches. “Please, let me see all of you.” you asked with a pout that he fortunately couldn’t see.

“I… I don’t...” he protested.

“It’s okay…” Lucifer’s low, silky voice cut through his doubts and forced his mind back into that blank calm it was in before. “Relax. It will be all right.”

Simeon let out a stuttering breath, slowly removing his hands away from his sweater to let take it off him. He shivered as cooler air hit his heated skin. He turned away from you again, acutely aware of all the stares he was getting from you. His whole body tingled in anticipation of what might happen next. Not being able to see your expression or where Lucifer was prowling was putting him on edge, but the spell over his mind had him oddly calm at the same time.

Ultimately, you just wanted Simeon to voice what he really wanted. You wanted to hear what he really thought about you. You were tired of guessing and when Lucifer offered to set something up to get him to talk, it was impossible for you to turn such a chance down. If you couldn’t get him to say anything after today, well, there were plans in place for that as well. Getting his sweater off was a good start, but you wanted to see him beg as he had done before.

“Hands and knees.” You commanded, guiding him off the couch and onto the plush carpet of the floor onto his knees. Lucifer, ever being the gracious host pushed the table with the last of the food and drinks to the side to give you more room to work with. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught your reaction to the self-inflicted scars that marred Simeon’s back and shoulders.

“Oh… Oh, Simeon...” You breathed when you saw the long scars across his body. Some of the marks were clearly newer than others; but all of them seemed recent enough for you to gather when he had made them. Your fingers slowly traced each one of them, planting soft kisses on the freshly healed skin. Some of the marks still had the trace edges of a scab that only recently fell off and you spent a few extra moments to caress the tender skin in those spots. You lost count of just how many kisses you had showered onto his back and shoulders, each one of them reverent and apologetic in nature. “Why did you do this to yourself?”

“I… I deserve punishment for what I did to you.” He replied. Oddly enough, he was glad for the blindfold across his eyes. It meant he didn’t have to look at your tear filled eyes and worried expression while he explained himself. Having Lucifer witness the exchange only made him feel all the more vulnerable and he curled up on himself, hunching over to hide his face. “I don’t deserve your forgiveness.”

Your fingers idly outlined the myriad of marks across his back. It was hard to say anything in those moments. He was visibly shaken by what happened the one time he let the darkness in him consume him. He was able to at least beat into something more manageable with the self-imposed punishment he put himself through. Simeon let out an earth shattering sigh before straightening back up. He needed to accept that even if you said you forgave him, you were more than welcome to never want to be with him again.

After all, you had a taste of what it felt like to be with someone like Lucifer who didn’t have the same limitations as he did. Nothing was stopping you from going to the other man in the room for your needs. If there was something he deserved, it would be your scorn and your hatred towards him. Yet, to his surprise, you showed him none of that. All you did was gently rub your back while he stewed in his misery.

“Are you done with wallowing yet?” Lucifer spoke up, his tone clearly denoting just how bored he was with Simeon’s dramatic self-deprecating moment. “Neither of us have left you yet, so what makes you think we’re going to anytime soon?”

“I… I’ve sinned too much.”

Lucifer scoffed. “You’ve sinned too much? Shall we make you repent then?”

“...Yes”

It was all the permission the two of you needed. Lucifer drew Simeon’s hands together in front of him, palms together in the position of prayer. A thin black ribbon wound between his fingers and his hands to keep them bound in the position. You rubbed comforting circles on his back while Lucifer worked magic with the ribbon until Simeon’s forearms were completely wrapped. You had to admire the handiwork, it was an intricate web of knots and loops that was absolutely mesmerizing to look at. “Good boy.” you praised once Lucifer tied the last knot to secure everything in place.

Simeon’s mind went blank at your words, the feelings welling up within him weren’t unfamiliar, but with his hands bound, he couldn’t act up on them. He wanted to kiss you, hold you, make you his without Lucifer’s presence and influence on you. The time he spent with you outside of work was precious and treasured, he didn’t want anyone interfering with the purity of his feelings for you. The way you touched him set his nerves on fire, the barely healed scars tingled in response to your fingers brushing past them.

“You’ve worked so hard, let’s make sure you get an appropriate reward.” You murmured, kissing the shell of his ear and trailing your lips down to his neck. He twitched any time your lips skimmed over a sensitive spot. You took notice of his reactions and made sure to spend a little extra time sucking at his skin, coaxing out soft, breathy moans. You pulled him toward you, resting his back against your chest, giving Lucifer full access to take off the rest of his clothes.

Exposed to the two of you, he felt like a lamb caught between two wolves. He couldn’t see where Lucifer was, but he could feel the other man’s presence circling around him. Your warm body against his back at least gave him some semblance of calm and he focused on that while anticipating the next thing that would happen. “You deserve to feel so good… Right?” you purred, reaching between his legs and giving his half hard cock an experimental stroke.

You were rewarded with a guttural grunt, his hips flexed and jerked up to meet your touch. His arms strained against their bindings, his fingers trembled against the ribbon, itching to return everything you were doing tenfold. You shushed him, noticing how tense he was and kissed his temple to relax him again. “Don’t worry. We’ll take good care of you.” You reassured.

Lucifer loved every bit of the scene that was unfolding on his floor. While Simeon was drowning in the security you gave him, he quietly pulled out a few choice items and placed them within reach for you. You looked up at him with a knowing smile and nodded in encouragement. “We’re going to need you to last all night long...” Lucifer’s said, his voice seemed to echo in Simeon’s head, close and everywhere all at once.

He bit his lip, turning his head about as if to look around. He felt something cool join your hand at his cock. The ring easily slipped down his half hard length and rested at the base of his cock. You continued to languidly stroke him to full mast, marveling at just how quickly he got hard once he was at your mercy. “Good job.” You planted kisses on his temple before maneuvering him onto his elbows and knees.

With his ass in the air like that, you couldn’t help but give it a resounding slap. The sharp sound echoed throughout the room and Simeon yelped at the sudden pain. The sting made his eyes water, but the soft caresses that came after made up for it. He let out a stuttering breath, concentrating on how the carpet underneath him felt and not on your hands spreading his ass cheeks apart, revealing the tightly puckered hole of his anus. “Lucifer, if you’ll do the honors...”

“With pleasure.”

He knew what was coming, but not being able to see anything made it all the more intense for him. The coldness of the lube mingling with Lucifer’s long, slender fingers made his mind reel. Your hands firmly keeping his spread for the other man to finger and prepare him made a mixture of embarrassment and arousal spread through him. The wet sounds of his asshole being slowly stretched mingled with the breathy moans coming from his lips. You watched, rather entranced at how skillfully Lucifer slid his fingers in and out of Simeon. It seemed like he knew every sweet spot within, curling his fingers just so to get the best reaction out of the trembling man beneath you. “Amazing...”

“Isn’t he?” Lucifer concurred, adding a third finger into Simeon and chuckling darkly at the strangled gasp that came out of the angel. “He’s beautiful, isn’t he?”

“Mm, like an angel.”

He shouldn’t have found your analogy so amusing, but it was so charming how you called him an angel while doing such sinful things. And in the presence of a demon of all things. The irony of it all only made the scenario he created with you all the more entertaining to him. He gave Simeon a few more long, unhurried thrusts with his fingers before deeming his hole prepared enough. Hearing Simeon whimper when he was no longer filled sent a thrill through his body. He was sure his friend had struggled so hard to not fall from the grace of the Celestial realm. But, with how debauched Simeon became from just a little teasing; he was sure human temptations had blackened the once pure soul of his friend.

He could tell with just how Simeon looked at you how enamored he was with you. He could literally feel the tendrils of desire seeping out of him and the heated gazes he left on all of your assets whenever you weren’t looking. He might still be an angel in the eyes of the gods above, but it was a matter of time before he fell. All he needed was a little push over the edge.

Even if he had been properly prepared and the lube Lucifer used had been liberal enough to drip down his thighs, it didn’t prepare him for the stretch and girth of the toy being inserted into him. The swell of its widest part made Simeon see stars as he was pushed to his limits before accepting the whole plug into him. His breathing came out in labored pants, drool dribbled down the corner of his mouth as he struggled to ground himself.

“Good boy.” You praised, placing chaste kisses on his lips and positioning his body just the way you wanted it. Laid out on his back, Lucifer raised his hands above his head and secured it against a sturdy pole. Seeing Simeon splayed out and exposed on the ground was a captivating sight, to say the least. He had no idea just how much fun you were about to have with him.

“Want to hear an angel sing?” Lucifer asked, helping you up from the ground and settling you into his lap on the sofa.

“I think that would be lovely.”

Simeon heard a soft lick coming from where your voice came from. Before he could comprehend what was going on, he let out the most beautiful wail of pleasure as his whole body was taken over with stimulation. The sizable plug in him started to vibrate, the intensity of the sensations short circuited his brain. There was nothing to keep him from blocking out the onslaught of pleasure thrust upon him. He thrashed against his bindings, trying to get away from what you and Lucifer had orchestrated. It was an excruciating experience to be overcome with so much pleasure all at once. He wanted to cum, wanted it to all be over; but he knew it was just the beginning. His cock throbbed against the ring at the base, aching for release or stimulation but getting none.

“It’s a lovely sound, isn’t it?” Lucifer asked, kissing your jawline and your neck. His hands cupped your breasts, massaging them and making you arch your back against him. He could feel your body get warmer as you watched Simeon squirm on the floor. The sight was undoubtedly arousing, even for him. There really wasn’t anything more titullating than having such a powerful creature at their mercy.

“Beautiful.” You agreed, turning your head to capture Lucifer’s lips in a ferverent kiss. You ground against his lap while his hands explored and played with your body. The two of you made sure to be vocal enough for Simeon to hear. The wet sounds of your kisses and your lewd moans mixed with his desperate cries to create a beautiful, perverse symphony.

Lucifer’s hand slid under the skirt of your dress, his thighs shifted so that your legs naturally spread for him. His fingers deftly found your panties and pushed them aside to plunge into your hot core. For a moment both you and Simeon screamed in tandem. Lucifer rest his head at the crook of your neck as his fingers worked their magic on you. You could understand now why Simeon sounded so needy earlier. There was a confidence in the way he worked your folds and how he shoved his fingers into you that made you want more.

“Oh fuck.” you moaned, rolling your hips to meet his his fingers. You reached back to play with his hair, your vision became blurry from just how much he was able to elicit out of you with just his fingers. “I want your cock so bad.” You moaned, pressing your ass against his bulge.

“In due time, Little Lamb...” he reassured, pushing his fingers into you until he was knuckle deep. The motion of which made you gasp and cry for him. “The night is still young. You have to be patient.”

“Y-yes...” You breathed. You had nearly forgotten that in the end, the focus was supposed to be Simeon’s pleasure and not your own. You sighed, feeling a bit guilty that you had been so quick to neglect the man on the floor.

Lucifer had a way of directing the evening, commanding everything to fit right into his plans. He had you writing and aroused beyond all belief in his lap. Simeon was on the ground, screaming in desperation for relief. Everything was going just the way he had planned it, even the parts that he didn’t disclose to you. It was so gratifying to see how easily you had played into his hand. He reluctantly pulled his fingers out of your tight heat and coaxed you out of his lap. “We have a lot to do still.”

“Ah… right.” You said, reminded of everything else you had planned.

The vibrations in Simeon’s ass subsided a bit, giving him a brief moment to catch his breath. That didn’t last long though as Lucifer walked over to slide his fingers coated in your slick down his mouth. Instinctively, Simeon sucked and lapped, greedily tasting you. The sounds you made earlier only served to make him painfully hard and the need for release was growing unbearable. He groaned against the digits, hoping the pleading tone in his noises would allow him some mercy.

“You always sound so pretty when you beg.” You purred, crawling next Simeon and licking his nipple. He choked against the fingers in his mouth, gagging as he tried to accommodate the new sensation of your tongue on his oversensitive skin. “You look like you’re just about to lose it...” Your hand traveled down his abs to grab his cock, giving it a few hard strokes which made him gag once again on Lucifer’s fingers.

His body betrayed all of his internal protests. He should have tried to curb his desires more, but his body had other ideas. It moved in your favor, his hips jerked violently against your hand and his back arched to meet your lips on his nipple. The vibrations in his ass once again intensified and he was sinking into the depths of pleasure with no way out.

He cursed, screaming your name and Lucifer’s while you pampered his body with attention. Despite the ring restricting his intense oncoming climax, cum leaked freely from the tip, coating your hand in a slick, sticky mess. “Won’t you let go for me?” You asked sweetly before you grazed his nipple with your teeth, biting down gently and eliciting yet another delightfully garbled moan from him.

Lucifer withdrew his fingers once he felt Simeon had done a sufficient job of cleaning them. He almost felt pity at the man on the ground. The pleasure he was receiving seemed to be almost too much. But, Lucifer knew it would take much more to break Simeon down to his most basic needs. If he wanted to hear Simeon beg to fall, then he would need to do much more.

You were doing a wonderful job of keeping Simeon just on the edge of his climax. Your hands stilled anytime his hips bucked wildly. Your mouth focused solely on teasing his nipples until they were sore from being licked and nipped at. You were doing your part perfectly, which meant Lucifer needed to match your pace and up the ante a bit more.

His hand replaced yours at Simeon’s cock. He stroked the ring at the base of his shaft. “You want to release?”

Simeon nodded, choking back a sob and he twitched against his bindings. Lucifer smirked and started to slide the ring off. He watched as Simeon’s plush lips were stuck in perfect “O”, he barely dared to breathe until you bit on his nipple again and made him gasp loudly. It was just the perfect distraction to slide the ring off the last few inches of his aching cock. Simeon heaved deep breaths as he felt the pressure on his dick finally abate. Surely that meant he had come to the end of the torture he was being put through.

It was only the beginning of the fun for Lucifer. There was a rustling noise from the corner of the room as Lucifer reached for something. He couldn’t quite make out what it was, but he didn’t have to wonder for long as Lucifer pressed cold, wet ice against the heated flesh his thighs and trailed it up to his cock. The sounds that came from his lips almost didn’t sound human as he choked out a cry, squirming away from the cold.

Lucifer was insistent, running the cold ice up and down his heated shaft, the mixture of your hot mouth on his chest and the chill of the ice on his cock made his head swim. He struggled again against his bindings, but they held fast. His fingers and wrists began to feel numb from being held firmly together for so long; but it was nothing compared to the numbness he felt throughout his body. He couldn’t keep track of who was doing what anymore. His body merely a toy for the two of you to play with. It was filthy to be used so thoroughly, but a dark part of his heart absolutely relished in it.

The ice trailed up his hips, past his abdomen and circled one of his pert, sensitive nipples. The sudden cold made his head spin and your hot mouth switched places with ice. Lucifer lazily dragged the melting ice back and forth between his nipples, watching it melt against his hot skin. It brought him so much joy to pinch at those overstimulated buds of flesh whenever the ice left him just numb enough. The yelps of surprise that came from Simeon always melted into a quiet moan and a slight arch of his back.

You trailed kisses down, down to the apex of his thighs and he swore he saw the gates of heaven open when your tongue flitted out and lapped at the tip of his cock. He would have cum then and there if he didn’t know any better. Even if it was unsaid, he didn’t have permission to release unless you or Lucifer explicitly said so. He held back his moans, thinking about the cold ice on his chest instead of what your hot mouth was doing.

“Let go...” Lucifer purred into his ear.

It was all the permission Simeon needed. Your hand stroked him to completion as let out a long moan. His semen came out in long, hot ropes, coating your hand and his abdomen. Lucifer swept in for a hot, sloppy kiss, swallowing all the lewd sounds that came from Simeon while you languidly licked his cum from your hand and off his skin. His whole body trembled from the force of his orgasm; but it wasn’t over yet. The plug in his ass still stimulated him and kept his libido on high. Even if he wanted to catch his breath, he wouldn’t be able to with how Lucifer and you were pushing his limits.

He whined when Lucifer finally broke the kiss. He was needy in a way he had never been before. There was a desperate need for a different kind of release than the one he just had. He knew exactly what it was he wanted; but it wasn’t something he could have. He wanted what Lucifer could do to you, to sink his length into you until he was balls deep. He wanted to feel your inner walls around him and not your hands. He wanted your slick to cover his cock. He wanted to claim you. “Ah.. Please… I… I need...”

You shushed him with a quick peck on his lips. “I know, I know… you want to cum again.” You finished his sentence for him.

He stuttered. It was not what he needed, not in the way you had planned. “N-no. I… I need… Ahhn!~” His pleas were cut short as you tied a vibrator against his softening cock. A length of black ribbon kept the toy flush against his member and you cooed softly, admiring your own handiwork. With a soft click, the toy was turned on at the highest setting and Simeon was thrown right into another round of screaming and fighting against his bindings.

“Feel free to cum as many times as you want, my Angel. This night is about you.” You finally took the blindfold off of him to let him see his surroundings.

He blinked, trying to get his eyes to adjust to the sudden change in light. You were still dressed to the nines in that slinky dress of yours; however there was a distinctive debauched air about it. Your hair was in disarray, there were wrinkles in the fabric that weren’t there before. There was also the fact that your panties were just idly hanging off of your ankle that made the sight all the more debased than he could ever imagine.

Lucifer stood behind you, one hand under your skirt fondling your pussy while his other hand groped your breast. You hummed and rocked against his touches, your knees feeling weak at just how talented he was at getting you riled up. Seeing you squirm and shake, gasping for Lucifer was enough to pull another orgasm out of Simeon. His spent cock being forced into erection over and over again thanks in part to the toy strapped to him and also due in part to the lewd show you were giving him.

“Like what you see?” Lucifer asked, smirking at the exhausted man below him. Simeon’s bright eyes were glazed over in lust, the desire to take you for himself was clear as day. But, denying him the thing he wanted the most was too entertaining. Seeing the torment flit across the man’s face as he was made to watch you come undone was absolutely delicious. “Want to see more?”

He lifted your skirt up and revealed to Simeon how much of a sopping wet mess you were. Simeon’s gaze was affixed to the way Lucifer’s finger stroked your slit up and down with his thumb pressed up against your clit. His digits were absolutely soaked with your essence, sliding in and out of you with ease whenever he felt bored of playing with your labia. He whimpered, his hips twitching in response to your every gasp and moan.

“Can we please?” You pleaded, leaning into Lucifer and desperately kissing his jawline. “You know how much he likes to watch.”

“Oh, I do.” Lucifer chuckled, his free hand moved to undo the zipper of your dress. The fabric fell from your shoulders, pooling at your feet and Simeon’s vision was blessed with your nude form in front of him. It wasn’t the first time he had seen it, but it had been so long since the last time, it felt like a whole new experience all together.

Lucifer undid his slacks just enough free his own aching penis. He rubbed the shaft between your legs, coating his length with your juices. Simeon watched, barely registering the vibrations on his own cock anymore. He licked his lips, wishing he was in his friend’s place. The needy gaze didn’t go unnoticed, Lucifer saw the desperation build behind Simeon’s gaze and he gave the angel a self-satisfied smirk as he lined himself to your hole and slid into you in one smooth motion.

Even if the initial intentions of the night were to get Simeon to cum until he couldn’t see straight, you would be lying if you didn’t crave a little action of your own. Lucifer’s dick sliding in out of you while Simeon watched was just the stimulation you needed. You couldn’t get enough of being watched hungrily by the man on the ground, unable to do anything except cum over and over again thanks to all the toys. It was the perfect amount of payback for all the times he played with you without giving you what you truly wanted.

“Oh fuck you feel so good.” You gasped, reeling in bliss as your inner walls hugged and squeezed Lucifer’s cock as if they were made for him.

The man behind you was taking quite a bit of enjoyment out of the scenario as well. His usual smooth talking had stopped as he focused on fucking you. He knew Simeon wouldn’t be able to tear his eyes away from how his dick disappeared into you over and over. Your vocal appreciation for everything he did to you wasn’t helping the envy building up in him. He wanted to be there, he could be there. All it took was a little push over the edge…

Lucifer was relentless in his pace, driving you to cum all over him quickly. He didn’t stop though, he was too fond of pushing the limits of everyone around him. He continued to fuck you until your knees gave out and you fell on all fours. His cock slipped out of you and Simeon could see the length glisten and drip with your juices. He licked his lips again and felt his water. He wanted to have a taste of you, even if it was on another man’s cock. The unique flavor of your essence still lingered at the back of his throat from when Lucifer had made him lick his fingers and he lusted for another sampling.

Lucifer sheathed himself into you once more and you saw stars from the new angle. The moan that came from your lips was all the encouragement Simeon’s hormones needed before he once again climaxed. His cries mingled with yours, filling the room with the lewd sounds of sex. Lucifer eventually joined in, his breathy sighs turned to aggressive grunts as he claimed your cunt in lieu of Simeon. “Gonna cum for me again, Little Lamb?” he asked, slapping your ass hard enough to leave a hand print on it.

You squealed, the pain shot across your body briefly before the fullness of his cock inside of you took all of it away. “Yes, yes sir… very soon, sir.”

“Good girl...” Lucifer growled, pulling your hair and using it as leverage to go deeper into you.

You lost count of how many times you screamed his name as he toed the line between pain and pleasure. He was rough but the rawness of his actions made your body sing praises. You watched as Simeon came again, his eyelids fluttering in exhaustion. His whole being completely spent and used. Yet, none of it was over until Lucifer said so.

“One last time. Cum for me, now.” Lucifer demanded.

You didn’t know how he had you trained so quickly. Your whole body spasmed as you came crumbling around him. “Fuck… Simeon...” You whined, calling for the man you truly wanted to fuck you. Your inner walls clamped around the cock in you, milking it as if it was the one in front of you. If you imagined it enough, you could see yourself riding him until the two of you were absolutely delirious.

Even if it had all been planned beforehand, Lucifer still couldn’t help but feel a bit of a sting when you called out the other man’s name. Your walls tightening around him was enough to send him over the edge with you and he released his load in you. His pace became an erratic stutter as he fucked you until his cock was too sensitive to take any more. He had been saving himself for this moment for quite a few days, the load he let go of was large enough to have his seed dripping out of you even before he pulled out.

Hearing his name come from your lips as you reached your climax with another man sent Simeon spiraling into the most powerful orgasm he had that night. He yelled your name, calling for you, begging for you as the last of his energy went into his release. He wheezed, barely able to keep consciousness as the last vestiges of his stamina went to blocking out the still vibrating toys on and in his body.

Gathering what strength your weary body had, you at least had the decency to undo the ties on his cock, letting the vibrator fall away from the sticky mess his multiple ejaculations had caused. It was a sight, his cum spilled all over his thighs, his stomach and on the rug underneath him. As filthy as it all was, it was still a rather erotic sight. While you removed the plug from his ass, Lucifer worked on finally undoing the bindings on his arms.

Simeon heaved a sigh of relief once he was freed. The first thing he did was attempt to pull you into a kiss, but he was so weak, he could only find the strength to tuck a stray strand of hair behind your ear. You got the hint and kissed the tip of his nose, smiling softly at him. You reached for the towels Lucifer had already set aside for clean up and gently cleaned off the worst of the mess from his body and on the rug. “Ahh… looks like you might need to steam clean that spot...”

“Or I can just get a new rug. I’ve been meaning to redecorate.” Lucifer shrugged, massaging Simeon’s hands and wrists, lovingly tracing the deep marks left behind from the ribbon. They wouldn’t last very long, but he did appreciate the crisscross pattern on his friend’s skin.

Simeon sighed in content, his whole body tingling in the aftermath of cumming so many times only to be followed by so care and attention. “I’m guessing that you two planned this beforehand and it wasn’t about celebrating the book release at all.”

“Oh, are you saying we didn’t applaud your deeds enough? Should we go another round?” You teased.

Simeon let out a tired groan and quickly backtracked. “Okay, no. No. This was plenty. The best party I’ve ever had. Promise.”

Lucifer chuckled, his hands still working circulation back into the tips of Simeon’s fingers. He watched the two of you banter and couldn’t help but feel a bond similar to the one he had with assistant forming between you and Simeon. All his friend needed was just a little more encouragement to take that last step to accept all the temptation in front of him. “Well, If you really want to talk about your work some more, then I’m sure my assistant wouldn’t mind a signed copy of your book… if you have the time to grace us with your autograph.”

“I… I think I can manage that.”

Being pampered so thoroughly was a change of pace for him. Simeon felt like he was drifting off in a warm pool of water. His consciousness drifted away as you and Lucifer cleaned him off and made sure he was comfortable. “Oh… One more present before you fall asleep.” You shook him out of the doze he was in to make sure he was completely conscious for the last gift you had prepared for him.

I really was a shame that Simeon had so many issues with expressing his desires.

He looked at you with confusion, looking around for what else you might have planned. You kissed him deeply, putting every bit of emotion you could into it to keep him distracted. While he languidly returned the kiss, he heard a soft clink and felt something cold surround his flaccid penis. A hefty metal cage enclosed his member and he blinked in shock, pushing you away and frantically looked back and forth between the two of you. “What… what is the meaning of this?”

“Well...” you drawled, snapping the locking mechanism shut and waving the key to the chastity belt in front of his face. “You’re adamant about not fucking me, so I didn’t think you’d need to use your dick any more. Right, Lucifer?”

Lucifer grinned devilishly, he pat your head like the obediant pet you were and nodded in agreement. “We could have avoided this if you just told us what you wanted out of tonight… But you were just too busy screaming, we couldn’t figure anything out.”

“It’s cute, right?” You asked, looking up him expectantly. “Do you like it? It was my idea.”

It was your idea. The fact shocked Simeon to his very core, to say the least.

“I.. I’m not sure if cute is the word you’re looking for.” Lucifer teased. His tender caresses moved away from Simeon’s arm to gently comb through his sex tousled hair. “But, I will admit that it is rather charming.”

You giggled, running your finger across the metallic finish of the cage, watching his cock twitch at the slight contact. “Nope. It’s cute. He’s my cute and precious angel.”

Mine.

Simeon’s arms wrapped around you possessively and held you close to him. Even if he was exhausted, he wouldn’t let Lucifer sway you with any more silly schemes. If he was to be caged for the rest of his life, he could accept his fate as long as he was yours. He sighed, surprisingly content with his life at the moment and he clung to you as he felt himself drifting off to sleep again. You held the key to many aspects of him at this point. At any time, you could choose to free him or entangle him in another intricate game to have him screaming your name.

None of that mattered. He was yours and he was beginning to believe he was willing to give you every part of him just to receive your approval. As long as your eyes were on him. As long as he held your attention. He was ready to give you whatever you asked for.

Except for maybe his divinity. He still foolishly clung to the delusion that he was a pure angel so long as he didn’t defile you.

You had taken him apart, dragging every bit of his heart into the darkness he had resisted for so long. The last traces of his holy resistance fought against the temptation. At this point, he knew was likely in too deep to really care if he did fall. As long as the fall meant he landed in your arms.

#Obey me!#Shall we date obey me #Obey me Lucifer #Obey me Simeon #Obey me smut #Lucifer x Reader #Simeon x reader #Obey Me AU #Lucifer x Simeon x Reader #i'm trash you're trash we're all trash #this is... a lot to take in #I'm actually really sorry #but also not really #please validate me

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daydreamingintheimpalax · 4 years

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Secrets

Summary: After a particularly rough hunt, Dean shares a secret with you that changes everything.

Prompt: I have loved you since we were 18.

Warnings: Probably just swearing TBH; Maybe slight douchbaggy ex.

As soon as you and the Winchesters had walked through the bunker doors, you let out a relieved sigh. It had been a rough week, you all had been hunting a werewolf that just couldn't stop moving, making it impossible to track until it finally slowed down somewhere in timbucktoo. Well, it was more like Colorado somewhere, but you know, you were never known for your georgraphy skills.

What had made it worse, was that despite this wolf practically throwing the three of you around like rag dolls, which was getting way harder now that you weren't the spunky crisp 20 year old you once were, was the fact that you had happened to run into Randy.

Randy had been your high school boyfriend for two years, his family were also hunters and having a boyfriend who understood your life, it was nice back then.

You had known the Winchesters all your life, your families running in the same hunting circles, you had worked cases with them multiple times over the years until finally settling down with them now that they were the only family you had left. You had broken up with Randy when he got increasingly possesive and jealous when you turned 19 and you'd decided to move in with Dean once Sammy had gone off to college.

Dean was alone and his dad was constantly going on hunts and leaving him behind, he was very upset when Sammy had left, so he chose to hunt on his own. Your father had left years ago, leaving you with a buddy who he called your uncle bobby, even though he wasn’t really, but choosing to live with Dean so he wouldn't be alone made it easier for him, then when you were 23, he'd been mauled on a hunt and died. Hunting with Dean after that, became a normal routine, but Randy hated Dean, and Dean, well, he wasn't fond of Randy either.

The mutual distaste for each other only increased the more jealous and controlling Randy got, nearly fighting with you every night when you chose to go back to the apartment you shared with Dean instead of staying with him. Eventually, when he became physical, Dean had enough and knocked him out one night after you'd come home with a bruised eye, threatening to shoot him if he ever came near you again. That was the end of that and you hadn't seen Randy since.

Until tonight, when he happened to be tracking the same werewolf you guys had been. It became worse when he realized you were still hunting with Dean, and the memories of all those arguments and black eyes and bruises came flashing back. You managed to finish the case, but not without some bumps and bruises and having Randy there made it worse, with Dean and Randy glaring daggers at each other every time they researced. Randy still being the asshole he was despite the years you two had been broken up.

You were just glad to be home, glad to be away from that tension. You showered, cleaned off all the muck, and settled down on the little blanket you still had on the floor in the back yard area behind the bunker, you'd sit there on the warm nights, enjoying the stars while you sipped on a beer, winding down after a hunt. Tonight was no different, and you definitely needed it tonight more than ever.

After a few minutes, you heard the familiar sound of Deans boots, planting himself next to you, his own beer in hand.

“You okay, peanut?” His voice soft but husky, the tell sign he was exhausted. The nickname made you smile, it became his favorite thing to call you ever since you'd lived with him all those years ago, your obsession for peanut butter never understandable to him. Didn't help that your short stature against his giant frame basically made you peanut sized to him. You'd accepted it a long time ago, you were short, and Dean took great pleasure in teasing you about it.

You let out a big sigh, “Yeah, I'm good now.” You smiled, sipping from your beer bottle as you looked and examined the stars. Dean shuffled next to you, crossing his bowed legs as best he could, before sipping from his own bottle.

“Can’t believe we ran into Randy of all the douchebags, never thought I'd see that assholes face ever again, he's still missing that tooth.” Dean chuckled, the comment making you burst out laughing so hard you nearly chocked on your beer.

The memory brought you back to the night Dean had punched him for hitting you, knocking one of his front teeth out. The satisfaction and the look on Randys face bringing you joy. He had been frightened of Dean ever since, seeing the ghost white look on his face when he'd seen Dean tonight made you smirk, glad he'd learned his lesson back then. It was still funny, seeing him years later, he'd gained a lot of weight, his hair line had receded a lot and his tooth still missing. The image no longer matching the cocky football star from highschool.

Your laughter slowed, Dean sighing next to you as you both stared up at the sky.

“i gotta say, I am glad he fucked off after that night, don't think I could've stopped myself from doing worse if he'd tried to bother you again.” Dean spoke, a hint of something in his voice that you couldn't quite place.

He went quiet again, you looked over at him, watching him softly as he stared at the sky, sipping from his bottle. You'd known Dean Winchester all your life, and somehow, things about him still managed to surprise you. He was a complicated person to figure out, he didn’t let many people in on his feelings or thoughts, and although you knew he trusted you with his life, you were sure there were still plenty of secrets you didn’t known about your best friend.

You hummed out, taking another sip of your beer before you spoke, “Hey Dee?” you spoke softly, his eyes meeting yours.

“Hmm?” His reply a soft hum, acknowledging he’d heard you.

“Tell me something?” you asked, wanting to know something new, something he hadn't told you yet. Something that could surprise you.

“Tell you what?” he chuckled, wondering how much beer you'd had before he'd come out here.

“A secret, something I don't know.” you looked a him, wondering how much he held in, in fear no one would care, he'd always looked after everyone all his life, you, his mother, sammy, even his dad those rare nights he came back from a hunt completely shittered.

“You know all my secrets, y/n/n, you know that.” he stated matter of factly, you shook your head, not accepting his answer.

“No, there has to be something, something you haven't told me, or anyone, something special or secret, personal, a funny story, anything, I just need something to make this night a little better.” you looked at him, eyes big and hopeful, he bit the inside of his cheek, concentrating and thinking of a secret he'd yet to tell you, there was one, one he never planned to tell you in fear it would ruin everything you'd both built, the bond, friendship, the trust. Tonight was better than never he supposed, he knew it would come up one day, it might as well be tonight.

You watched him concentrate, thinking of something he hadn't told you, something you didn't know, after a few minutes, he sighed.

“I guess I have a secret I was always too scared to tell you,” he shrugged, licking his lips softly before he spoke again, “I have loved you since we were 18.“ He stated simply. No other words following.

You stared at him for what felt like forever, he seemed slightly nervous, seemingly avoiding eye contact. He finally got the courage to look at you again, you still stared at him, shocked at his admission.

“When you say loved....” you began, but he cut you off, “I mean full blown told everyone I would marry you one day, head over heels crazy about you, I still am y/n. It's the main reason my other relationships never worked, they were never you, never could be.” He shrugged.

To say you were shocked would be an understaement. “Wh-, why didn't you ever say anything? We've been friends for forever, we've shared a bed, and apartment, Jesus Christ Dee, you've stripped my drunk ass down to nothing and got in a cold shower with me to sober me up and you never thought to mention that little deatil?” You ranted, slightly upset he never thought to tell you something this big, it had been years, YEARS, that he’d been dragging around these feelings in secret.

He sighed, “The timing was never right, you were with Randy for a while, then when we moved in together, I didn't want to ruin it by being an idiot, I didn’t know if you felt the same about me and I was scared of losing you, of scaring you away and destroying everything we'd built, our trust, friendhship, I chickened out and figured I'd rather have you in my life and keep that part a secret than to lose you completely.” He finished, watching your face for your reaction, worried he'd ruined everything, he couldn't lose you now, not after all these years.

“Dee...” You shifted closer, he cut you off once more, “Don’t....don’t say you feel the same okay? Don't pretend or lie to make me feel better, I'm a grown man, I can handle rejection, I just figured it was time you knew, that's my secret, it's the only one I've ever carried with me and kept from you, besides the fact that I always resented that a guy like Randy was ever lucky enough to have you and threw his shot away, he was stupid enough to hurt you and not appreciate you.” he frowned, turning back to look at the stars.

You watched him, you couldn't believe he'd been right in front of your face this whole time, all the losers like Randy, the one night stands hoping you'd find your perfect guy out there somewhere, yet, he’d been with you the entire time, right by your side your whole life, and suddenly you realized it, all the times he took care of you, when you were drunk, or crying, or someone hurt you, he'd always been there, not just because he'd been your best friend, it was also because you had been his love, he'd loved you for so long, you felt stupid you hadn't realized it after all these years. Dean Winchester was your perfect guy, your soulmate. Your mother had always been right, You didn't find love, it found you, when you least expected it, and sometimes, you found it hiding in plain sight.

you gently reached out, placing a hand on his face and pulling him back to face you, his eyes met yours and you leaned in, placing a small but deep kiss on his lips. You pulled away slightly, meeting his eyes.

“It was always you, Dean, the guy I've been searching for all my life, the one who always made me feel special, and loved, and just, loved me, It was always you. I'm sorry it took me this long to realize he was always right beside me.” You smiled softly, his eyes lingered on yours before he smiled, leaning in to capture you in a deep kiss once again.

“S’okay, luckily we still got some time left on this earth, we got plenty of time to make up for it.” He smiled, the moonlight enhancing the twinkle in his gorgeous Hazel green eyes. You loved this man, and now, you could finally freely admit that, and spend whatever would be left of your life as a hunter being in his arms, this time, not as his best friend, but as something more.

#dean winchester #dean winchester x reader #dean x reader

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wendibird · 4 years

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SPN 15X17 Observations

Well, watching this week went pretty smoothly (and I was actually able to get my little bluetooth keyboard thing to talk to my tablet so I was able to watch on my big TV screen and type up notes fairly easily. :)

And just to clarify, sometimes my notes as I took them were VERY brief, and in some cases I’ve gone back and added in a few details or explanations to make clear what I meant by what at the time.

I’ve also come to the conclusion that I don’t always remember to take notes, especially if Important Things are happening. (Do people even like the notes section? Or would you just prefer reading my odd takes on everything after the fact?)

Anyway, here’s what I have for 15X17 “Unity”. Well, I do have more thoughts drifting around, but I’m always concerned that I’m going on too long as it is. *LOL* (Under the cut for length and spoiler aversion)

Okay, going in I’ve heard rumors that this is a “Sam Heavy” episode, so we’ll see. *fingers crossed*

- wow, is Chuck starting in on this world already?

- Silent treatment.

- I wonder if she’s guessed.

- fuck you Dean!

(but I’m not surprised. it just confirms what I’d already suspected about how Dean really feels about Jack.)

Commercial Thoughts:

Yeah, so, I’m firmly in Sam and Cas’ camp here. Jack may not be family to Dean, but he is to them. He’s their Son.

I also think that though he hasn’t talked about it, Sam regrets his part in the Drama Coffin plan involving Jack last season. Think it’s one of those cases where he realized too late he was on the wrong side, and he doesn’t want to be there again.

As for Dean… I get that he wants to see the people he cares most about make it out of this. (Sam and Cas.) And I get he’s doing the tunnel vision thing. I think he knows that Sam’s right but he won’t let himself admit it.

- Wow….. The fanangels are kinda creepy.

- They’ve lost all their nuance with Chuck. Or my theory is right and Chuck has actually shifted darkside.

- Oh wow…. Amara is really going to bat here.

Commercial Thoughts:

Still not sure how much she’s (Amara) really guessed. She’s acting as though the whole “trapping him” idea is still a go, but what she’d said to Dean, as pointedly as she did, it seemed like maybe she suspected what was really going on and was still trying to give him the option to go a different way.

And even if this is Chuck having shifted dark, it could still be written with more nuance than this crappy villain schtick.

I mean, even in S11 when he’s all but given up on humanity and existence and was going to let Amara win, it was written with there being a depth to him about it.

- Don’t know if Dean’s trying to convince himself that he doesn’t care as deeply to make this easier or what.

- HOw is ADAM still alive?! And she’s an angel?

- Interesting behavior for an angel. *LOL*

- “Then he moved on to our sons.” Hints of Cain and Abel?

- Okay, so the angel kept him alive. (Sure, I can buy that.)

- Pretty Crystals!

- He’s (Dean) heard those lines before. And Dean’s feeling uneasy about it.

- Amethyst! (Sorry, always had a thing for Amethyst and it’s my birthstone)

- (oh, okay, all of them)

- Ewww….. Open heart surgery

- Rib!

- Dean doesn’t like being rail-roaded.

- Talk time.

- I don’t like this…… (Jack using the rib and starting the suicide-bomb process.)

Commercial Thoughts:

Okay, so, what Dean said, I’m glad he said it. And I have been getting hints of that feeling from him the whole season, about feeling disconnected because of what they found out about Chuck and their lives. I just… I still think he’s willfully blinding himself to what’s really going on. That even this version of “Free Will” is a script that he’s following. (Well, I think he’s starting to have misgivings about that.)

- Uh-oh! Ideas!

- I love two researching nerds!

- Were we supposed to understand the Latin? *LOL* I caught “Mortem” in there a few times.

- Yey door!

- “your internal compass is functioning perfectly”

- I LOVE THEM SO MUCH!!!

- Who dat?

- Dead someone or other

- W section.

- Reapers maybe?

- Who’s thinning the ranks?

- Empty!Meg!

- Sam is good! (At bluffing the hell out of an ancient cosmic being.)

- IT’S A LITTLE LATE TO STOP IT!!!!

Commercial Thoughts:

*FREAKING OUT!!!*

Jack already started it! OG!Adam said that once started the reaction couldn’t be stopped.

Okay, deeper thoughts. Everyone’s playing chess. Still. The game is just bigger.

OG!Adam wants God dead because of stuff that happened. And Billy is following his plan? (Did I get that right?) The plan will make Billy the next God. (Not surprised there honestly.) Her world will be a lot more “orderly” no doubt.

The Empty just wants to sleep. (Honestly, can relate.)

But everyone’s just using them all as gamepieces again. Dean’s getting that feel from things OG!Adam and Whatserfaceangel said. Sam knows now too. They’re still stuck in someone else’s story. They’re still not gaining true “Free Will”. I’m hoping that the route they take will actually get them off this train track.

- DUDE - WHAT (was in reference to Dean pulling a gun on Sam)

- Go Sam! He’s not letting this one go. (Referring to my feelings on Sam feeling bad about Jack and the Drama Coffin thing from way before, and him NOT settling for Dean’s plan this time, him sticking to his guns and saying what he feels and taking action.)

- Chuck played her (Amara) too.

- Not again! (Oh Jack, will this forever be your fate?)

- FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!

Holy shit! That episode!

Okay, it actually did a good job of wrapping up a lot of ideas. Like, big-picture ideas that have been themes throughout the run of the show.

Also, apparently this was the only world where Cas and the Winchesters broke the mold? Didn’t play by their roles?

Also, minor point but it made me happy: Chuck pointed out how it’s Sam who needed to find things out. Sam who kept digging. I made mention of it last episode how Billy kept going to Dean, because he was easier for her to manipulate. But Sam asks more questions. I think part of it is what Cas said about his internal compass. I think another part is his experiences. He’s been the brunt of the cosmic plot-lines a LOT of the time. So he does keep asking questions because of all the times he hadn’t and things went badly. (Like end of S4 with killing Lilith.)

And let me be clear, it’s not that I think Dean is dumb. He isn’t. And he and Sam both make decisions a lot based on their feelings. (Sometimes it’s all you have to go on.) But he’s shown a tendency in the past several years especially to be more likely to make them based on anger. And he doesn’t get called on it often. And I don’t know if this is TOO meta (is that even a thing with this show anymore? *LMAO*) but I feel like part of that is written into the script. Of their world. Even when Dean’s wrong he’s often proven “right” by the narrative. He very rarely is made to face up to his mistakes. (Not saying he never is. But it definitely doesn’t seem to happen as often.) And I’m wondering, is that because up till now, he was Chuck’s favorite? We saw that Chuck can manipulate a LOT of things. And events, and even some people.

How often have we noticed and commented on how the Narrative backs Dean up so much of the time, even when he might be in the wrong? Or even just questionable? Or morally grey? How much of that is possibly now supposed to be due to Chuck’s meddling? Because I’ve also seen it mentioned (and have also noticed) that although Sam winds up the “wrong one” a lot via the narrative, he’s actually HAD to learn and grow because of that. But because Dean is rarely shown as wrong, he hasn’t had to, and his character has stagnated a lot in the last several seasons. Of course, in reality, that’s due to the writing/show-running/powers-that-be making those decisions, but in-show could it possibly be something to do with Chuck? Maybe at first because he liked Dean more? But as time grew on, and he kept trying to set up his Cain and Abel plot with them, maybe it was to reinforce Dean’s self-image that he’s Right?

And also by contrast, we had the end of last season where so many of Sam’s decisions which had been made with best intentions and best information/resources at the time wound up blowing-up in his face. As if to say "Ha-HAH! That's what you get for thinking you could lead people! That's what you get for thinking you could save Jack! That's what you get for thinking someone like Nick could be redeemed! That's what you get for talking your brother out of the Drama-Coffin plan!" It felt like it was specifically intended to make him severely doubt his own judgement. And it worked. After all that shit went down, one thing after another, culminating with their mother's death, he didn't trust himself. He didn't believe in himself. So he put all his trust in Dean. And Dean was full of RAGE. (I don't blame him. His Mom has been a keystone of his life, even when she wasn't there.) But Sam didn't give the objections he normally would have to Dean's plan to box-up Jack. Even though it was CLEAR how much he didn't like it. How wrong it felt to him.

Basically, what I’m trying to say is, I think Chuck has been nudging and manipulating a LOT of things in order to get the Winchesters to behave how he wants them to.

IDK. My head is hurting from some of these meta thoughts. *LOL*

SO! Back to what happened in the actual episode.

I thought the format was interesting, focusing in on the different POV characters for their spans of the story until it all came together. (Wondering if this is going to continue into the next episode…)

I liked that we got a lot of reveals about what is (possibly) really going on, in regards to the grand schemas. Because there are several at play here. But now we're at least getting glimpses of them.

Even though we didn't see Billy, I thought the reveal about her plans were interesting, but definitely fit with her character as established so far. I know a lot of people are saying she's gotten drunk with her power or she's "turning evil" but I don't think that's the case. It's true that she hasn't told them everything about her plans, but that's because she's also using them as pieces in her game. But her goal is the same as it's always been since we first met her. She has ALWAYS been about the Natural Order. She never liked how the Winchesters (or anyone else) flaunted death again and again. So once she's in charge? Everyone and everything goes where they belong. The demons stay in hell, the angels stay in heaven, souls go where they're meant to, people from other universes go back (even if there's no universe to go back TO. Tough shit, they'd be dead anyway according to her) and those who have already died and been resurrected? They go back to wherever they should be. (At least, I THINK that was the implication made, with Sam asking Dean if he'd be willing to trade HIM to take-out Chuck. Sam was definitely realizing a LOT when Empty!Meg told him what Billy's plan was.)

This isn't her turning Evil like has been done with Chuck. It's more, her becoming a more extreme version of what she already was. When she got her promotion, she found out a LOT more things. Including this option of events for taking Chuck out and putting things back to how they belong. And it even started with Dean's aborted Drama Coffin plan. Which eventually fails, because Sam, but it then leads to Jack sacrificing his soul to take out AU Michael, which eventually leads to Mary's Death and Chuck's opportunity to manipulate things more and so on and so forth until we wind up here.

(Also, just wanna say, absolutely LOVED Rachel as the Empty again!)

And also, having just watched that scene again, can I just say again how awesome Sam is? He straight-up told the Empty that even if he WAS lying, their best bet is to let him go with the book. And it couldn't really argue with that because he was right! (Well, if it had killed him then and there, Dean probably wouldn't have known right away and probably would have been able to carry out the plan. So there is that. Buuuuut none of them knew that either at the time.)

And in general, I love how Sam just would NOT give up. This is the Sam Winchester I've come to love. He could feel in his bones that this plan was wrong so he was doing everything he could to not only stop it, but to find some other way to get what they truly wanted.

I also loved his and Cas' interactions. They were supportive of each other and both were trying to find a way to save their son. (Dean has officially forfeited his Dad-Card in my book. Hell, in his book too.) Also, I remember hearing someone from production, or who was maybe on set or something mentioning something about the Holy Grail in this episode? Well, in that scene where Sam and Cas are looking through those old crates and trunks and boxes, when Cas finds the key Sam is holding this really old looking chalice. Wonder if that's supposed to be what that is. *LOL* I mean, the Spear of Destiny (or at least, the head of the spear) was there in the Bunker, so why not I guess? *LOL*

We didn't get a lot of Sam and Jack interaction, but I liked what little we had. Sam made it clear to Jack that he wants to save him. (I'm really hoping we get SOMETHING more of them in the next episode or two but... yeah. Not a lot of time left.)

I could go on for some length about my feelings on Dean and how he's been this season. But I don't want this to turn into a fully anti-Dean rant. I will say though that I'd definitely gotten the impression before this that Dean has different categories of people he cares about, and in his mind, he also has them ranked according to how expendable they are. And I'm not just talking about Jack here, though he is a major part of it. But at the end of the episode when he and Sam are having it out, Dean says he's basically willing to sacrifice EVERYONE to get what he wants.

(I don't think he's actually willing to sacrifice Sam for it though. And yes, I know, he was waving a gun in Sam's face. But I don't believe for a moment he had any intention of killing his brother. Not when Sam asking point blanc if Dean is willing to trade him for killing Chuck, and that seems to be what causes Dean to start listening to what Sam's saying. Also, in the past, Dean hasn't been above threatening people to get what he wants. Like with Kaia. Also in S8's "Trail and Error" when he and Sam were talking about taking out the hellhound, Dean pretty much said if Sam even tries to get close to it, Dean would shoot him in the leg. Now, we never got to see if he actually would have or not, but regardless, it was a case of Dean being willing to hurt Sam a little in order to protect him from something he saw as a bigger threat. In that case it had been taking on the trials. In this case, it would have been to win their shot at freedom. At least in Dean's mind. Not saying I approve! Just, I think that's where his mindset was.)

And this is a far cry from the Dean who, just a few years ago was willing to be a kamikaze bomb in order to save the world. And yes, Dean has mentioned "Saving the world" this season too. And I'm sure he means that too. But when he was at his most emotional, what he was talking about wasn't saving the world and everyone in it. It was freeing him and Sam from being Chuck's entertainment. And he's willing to sacrifice nearly anyone to accomplish that. At least, he was up til now. I hope that they're going to give him a change of heart before the end because I really REALLY would like the show to end with me not despising Dean and what he's become. Yes, I'm a Sam-girl, but I do care about Dean too.

Also, I feel bad for Amara and what wound up happening with her. Like many other characters, she fell victim to Chuck's manipulations, and now I'm guessing he's even stronger than before. But also, Chuck wasn't the only one manipulating her. And maybe if they, (Dean especially, since she had a soft-spot for him) had actually been trying to find another way earlier, she wouldn't have fallen to despair when finding out the truth.

Aaaaaanyway, I think I've rambled enough about this episode as it is. Thank you to whoever actually bothers to read all of this. *LOL*

#spn 15x17 spoilers #spn season 15 spoilers #episode review #my thoughts #tangents: i tend to live in them #sam winchester #dean winchester #castiel #jack kline #the darkness/amara #god/chuck #i think your internal compass is functioning perfectly #sam is jack's dad #castiel is jack's dad

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lilaacstars · 4 years

Text

you’re in my veins (and i can’t get you out).

rating: T | words: 31.227 | pt 2.

read it on ao3

He watches how her eyes grow big after listening to his offer. His eyes fix on her and start to notice the bruises she has close to her scalp, down to her ear, the edge of her jaw and on the visible part of her neck. Her bangs are falling gracefully to the side - too gracefully- but he can take a peek, with the little cat senses he still has left, and see that underneath that perfect hairstyle there are stitches and missing hair.

He gulps, almost choking on his saliva, it feels thick and heavy and his throat has closed, impeding his ability to breathe, but he hasn’t stopped so his body trembles, and it is like he will puke, but there’s only the acid on his stomach, and it goes up as if it was a bubbly chemical reaction, but his throat is still closed, and he just feels as if his whole body will shut down but it’s too awake at the vision of her. And then the sensations pile up, then crumble down, then pile up again, and it’s a cycle of obscure overwhelming emotions that trigger and stop every reaction his body pulls.

It is disgusting, nauseating, gory even.

Upclose, face to face, breathing the same air, the consequences are not an image fabricated by his brain anymore, and yet, he knows there are so many more hidden marks of treachery that will present itself in flesh and pain.

Her lips tremble and her sight finally fixes on his, only to look away a second after.

However, she leans forward, closer to the window.

Adrien takes one step back and that allows Ladybug to come inside the room.

Her steps are careful and light as if she is ready to jump back to the window and run away from here at any given moment. Adrien is sure that it isn't a baseless guess, but what is truly going through her mind is still a cypher.

After standing in the middle of the room and eyeing everywhere around, she finally walks back to stand beside the coffee table and lets out a long sigh.

Next, Ladybug stands close to the window, only giving little steps in a small space. She takes the end of her long braid and starts playing with the end.

He looks at her, hands on his pockets as he fidgets and waits for her to speak, for her to guide him where she needs to be.

“It’s good to see you,” Adrien whispers and takes one step forward.

Ladybug crooks a brow and tightly hugs herself. She doesn’t answer.

“You haven’t been out as Lady Noire in a long time. Is there a reason?” He asks, trying to sound as ignorant as a civilian would be.

Ladybug lets out an amused scoff but there’s no real joy behind it.

Her eyes are focused on the skyline and a thin layer of gleaming tears is set on her eyes.

Adrien gulps, unsure if the reaction has something to do with him or is all about the thoughts she’s been carrying through her night stroll.

The question wouldn’t be an unusual one for a mere civilian. Maybe they wouldn’t be so eager to jump into it, maybe they would ask other questions first, but he was not a mere civilian… well, he was now, but there had been a time where he wasn’t.

No.

He still isn’t a mere character walking down the road. He will never be, and yet that is the path he must pretend to follow.

“This was a mistake,” He hears the whisper as loud as a siren.

He jolts on his spot and takes fast steps towards her. It only makes her jump faster towards the window.

“I- I’m-”

But before he can formulate a phrase on his mind for his mouth to stop the stammering, she is gone.

His eyes follow as she is only a ship in the night between the sea of city lights.

She is gone.

Gone.

Gone forever.

But is she?

She is not truly gone. She is alive, and she is patrolling, and Paris has their heroine back.

But he doesn’t.

He doesn’t have a partner, he doesn’t have a friend, he doesn’t have his other half.

He is a broken piece of a human that once felt he finally had the piece that could make him endure life, and now she is gone.

Not truly , but he has been left alone with her shadow roaming through the brightest corners of the life of others, yet creeping on the back of his mind, only smiling on his memories, and frowning and avoiding his gaze into the future.

His breath stops once again. One little detail striking like lightning.

She avoided his gaze as if he was a deathly disease.

Could… could she know who he was?

Marinette seems to be aware that he once was something special; someone special. And Ladybug is as smart as her, if not more.

But if she knows, then she wouldn’t have come. If she hates him so much that she couldn’t even bear for him to touch her when she needed someone to lean on (not in the figurative sense) then why would she seek for him? Why would she come to him?

It doesn’t make any sense and yet he can’t shake the thought out of his mind.

And it stays there, like a fly on the wall. As the days pass he will forget about it, and then the buzz of the wings will echo in the chamber of his mind and then it would be the only thing he can focus on.

Not school.

Not Kagami.

Not his friends.

Not Nathalie.

Not his father who finally makes time to have dinner with him.

Nothing at all.

Nothing but her and the knowledge she might have.

The wonder wouldn’t even pretend to hide when the sunset, it would make itself appear in other shapes through dreams. Some of them are tranquil, others are as bitter as reality can be, and yet the bittersweets are the worst. They show the road not taken, they show him taking good decisions after the terrible ones he’s taken, and reward him with what he has always wanted, the unravelling of the secret. Every day he wakes up and knows that he does not deserve any of it, that this can’t happen and that if it does happen he has to make sure he does not gain any redemption from it. And every day he wakes up knowing not only that he has broken every piece of her soul, but also has put her in imminent danger.

When she left he could see her limp, he could see how he prefered a certain grab on the yo-yo, and how short her jumps were in comparison to her usual ones.

There is nothing he can do to make it right, he’s already brought destruction to them, but if he could find a way to protect her, he wouldn’t think it twice.

He is sitting right next to Luka on the café table, as Nino looked for an empty chair he could use, he scribbled on a napkin.

They were waiting for their order to come, only one glass full of fresh water in front of each, and sugar and a plate of napkins in the middle of the round table.

Luka had his phone out, scrolling through, and tapping his foot against the pavement in a comforting rhythm.

This

“Sorry, I found a chair inside almost immediately, but I got bombarded by messages from Lya.”

Luka and Adrien giggled, the first more enthusiastic than the second, but that wasn’t a rare occurrence anymore, so there was no comment about it.

“How many of those texts were pictures?” Luka asks.

“Oh, half of those. She’s so excited that LB is back.”

Adrien stops drawing and looks towards Nino, watching his phone as Luka takes a look through the pictures.

“Ladybug was out?” He asks, pretending to not be incredibly interested. Even if after his breakdown in school he doesn’t think he can get away with it.

“Yeah, there was an akuma attack like an hour and a half ago?” Nino asks and Luka nods at him, “Don’t you have your alarm on?”

“No.” It was too painful to hear the akuma emergency line going off and not being able to do anything.

“Why not? You have to, you’re going to put yourself in danger.

His mouth opens and closes before he can show how uninterested he is in his safety. If he can stumble through the path of an akuma, he might see Ladybug, and no matter how many bruises, cuts, or blood he might lose on the way, all that pain would be worth it.

“It just stresses me out.” He lies, realizing his friends are expecting an answer, “Was she alone?” He can’t help but ask.

The shadow that crosses his friend’s eyes doesn’t startle him. He’s grown accustomed to this reaction.

“Yes.” They nod.

They seem to be interested in continuing this conversation, but Adrien has the call on it, and he doesn’t want any of it. They can’t know how personal it is for him, they can’t know that knowing that she is out there alone makes him feel as if he was cut in half.

“What were you looking for in your phone?” He says, turning his head to Luka, “You looked consumed by your phone.”

“A bike.” He gives a toothy smile.

“You already have one,” Nino says confused.

“I think he means a motorcycle,” Adrien smiles.

“Yes.”

“That’s so awesome,” Adrien chimes, “I have a license for it. My father doesn’t know, of course, but once I’m out of the house I’m buying one bike for myself too. Which ones have you seen?”

And Luka pulls out his phone again, showing the different models he has his eye on.

Adrien is glad that the subject takes a lot of the conversation. As their food and coffees arrive, they’re still talking about the prices, the equipment, the special license he has to have, and how Juleka isn’t very fond of him buying “such a dangerous vehicle”.

“She wants me to buy a car, I’ve tried to let her see that a car doesn’t go with my style.”

“It would be more comfortable for you to carry around your instruments.”

“Yes, but a car will never be cooler than a bike. Also,” He changes the website to a new one, “Look at these amazing suits and helmets.” Nino and Adrien move their chairs closer to Luka to get a better look.

There are different jackets and trousers to suit up for the cold, or not burn yourself with the pipes of the bikes (apparently this wasn’t a rare thing), there are others that only had the objective of making you look while riding. Adrien could understand that sometimes having a cool suit just made things better.

When Luka changes to the helmets, there is one that catches Adrien’s attention.

Is black and matte, with neon green accents around the shield, and all around the curve, as if it was stitched.

“Wow,” He hears himself gasp.

“I liked that one too!” Luka jumps, “But I think I will look like an astronaut, also I don’t think black is my colour.”

“It is mine.”

Nino and Luka laugh.

“When have you ever worn black?” Nino asks and gives him a shake as he hugs him, “I think I’ve seen you only wear it on photoshoots, and you always look so awkward.”

“I look fantastic in black.” Adrien protests, but not truly caring about making a better comeback.

His mind is too busy planning something else.

keep reading in ao3.

#ml fic #miraculous ladybug #ladrien #ladynoir

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blankdblank · 4 years

Text

Brother Dearest Pt 27

Portia in the room beside yours once in the hall smiled taking your side saying, “Hey there Bunny.”

In a giggle you replied, “Hey Portia. Where are you off to?”

“Art History, you?”

“Same,”

“Ooh, goody, we can sit together and head to lunch after. They do have a cafeteria here and on the Men’s Campus, but I know there’s a nice little diner nearby that my driver can take us to.”

“Sounds good.” You replied noticing her looking you over curiously.

“Do you have a driver?”

“No, took the subway.”

“Alone?!”

You shook your head, “No, James and his brother Victor came with me. But I’ve taken the subway alone before.”

“Some ladies have bikes, would that be easier?”

“For me? No. I live in Brooklyn. It’s half an hour on the subway.”

“That far? You can’t move closer?”

“I grew up in Brooklyn, plus for what it cost to buy my old home we couldn’t afford half the space in Manhattan.”

“How big is your place? We have a penthouse apartment with five bedrooms and the most incredible view from the second floor.”

“Five story brownstone, James and Victor bought the building we remodeled over the summer.”

“The whole building?!”

You nodded, “I was a bit stunned but the whole block was up for sale nearly and we used to have an apartment in the building growing up but they really wanted to give me a good home while I study with room for all of us.”

“We are just going to have to plan a dinner to have you all over so Daddy can meet you all and Preston can come out to meet up with you again.”

“Sounds like fun.”

Her hand tapped yours saying, “And when your home is ready do let us know.”

“It is ready. Had our Priest over on Sunday, first in town outside of Eddie’s family. Starting to build up a sort of competition to see who can get invited first.”

A giggle escaped her and she said in rounding another corner drawing your eyes to the groups of ladies looking between the two of you wondering why you were again speaking to the woman in the bright yellow dress and white cardigan beside you, bright and sunny with pearls around her neck and on studs in her ears. “In no time we’ll have steady teas and dinners around our study groups, because I know one of the only ways I am getting through my language course, and I have no clue what is up with that History Professor.”

You giggled again, “Did you sign the contract?”

“Yes, Daddy didn’t raise a quitter.”

“Well if you need a museum buddy I practically live there and I know the half off days and free days by heart.”

At the doors she paused looking at you when you pulled it open for the both of you, “Why would you know the free days?”

“Oh honey, my parents came here from Ireland. First generation American, free days and coupons are a second language to me. Practically lived in the Public Library before the war.” You looked her over stepping with her through the door, “I have some investments now, much better off. New to having money, part of why the guys wanted to keep me back in my hometown.”

“Where do you like to sit?” Together you compromised to five steps up near to the aisle in the far right section of the tiered seating below the projector. Once there she said, “Well I can’t wait to have somebody from New York show me what I might have missed out on.” Her eyes dropped to your bag as she said showing you her own sunflower coated carpet bag, “Would you look at that. Great minds and all that,” she smiled at you making you giggle to yourself pulling out a fresh notepad.

“Victor surprised me with it yesterday.”

All through the seating that was barely half filled the other ladies filled their seats and your head tilted to shift your braided ponytail off your shoulder hearing whispers of others commenting on your choice of a friend. Once the Professor began to speak one of the upper classmen claimed the slide box and it was straight to work with almost every student around you giving an answer while you gained glances from others wondering if you had known the answers at all. Only Portia however could see that you were writing out the names of each and their origins and dates moments after the image had popped up.

Out of nowhere silence came with a surrealist painting to throw off the other ladies with something not on the syllabus. Wetting your lips you raised your hand drawing the eyes of the formerly smirking Professor’s eyes to you in the lowering of your hand again. “La persistencia de la memoria,” parting her lips, “Also known as, The Persistence of Memory, Painted by Salvador Dalí in 1931.”

Shifting on her feet she asked, “How-?”

“It’s been hanging in the MoMA since 1934. One of the most recognizable works of Surrealism.”

“Do you prefer Surrealism?”

“Depends on the piece and subject. I do enjoy the imagination behind it. I would rather have that on my wall over paint splatters or Picasso, but that’s just me.”

With a nod she took a second glance your way and had the slide switched over with scattered naming of the next row of paintings that when others couldn’t again you were looked to showing that you’d studied up well outside what was expected to be covered. The last thing she said was, “For your first assignment I want each of you to sit down and write me four pages on a piece of artwork that was in your house growing up. What the subject was, style and most importantly what the piece meant to you and affected your family each day. Due in our next class.”

Tilting your head in a hushed sigh you copied the assignment in your daily planner you added to your bag with everything else. Portia stood first with you to follow her to the aisle as she said, “The car should be by that lovely tulip garden for us.”

“You don’t approve of my assignment?” The Professor asked when you were passing her by low enough to not cause a scene with only you two to hear it.

Smiling at her you replied, “I will have it for you on Thursday. Have a nice day, Professor.” Her eyes followed you to the door curious about your reaction and what it meant.

Waiting on the other side of the door a group of ladies you remembered with a few clubs trying to recruit you smiled asking, “Bunny, were you heading to the cafeteria?”

“Actually we were heading to a diner nearby campus if you wanted to come.”

Timid shakes of heads came and another in the group said, “We brought our lunches, maybe another time.”

You nodded and returned their waves as they walked away. Portia in your continued path onwards sighed saying, “I don’t think I’m going to make many friends here.”

“Well you’ll do better than me no doubt. I tend to be unpopular in school. They’ll see how bubbly and sweet you are and snatch you up.”

“Everyone knows your name, you are in the papers. You met the President and a King who are both invited to your wedding.” She fired back playfully.

“Doesn’t make me fun enough to entertain hundreds of people expecting to be friends with me for hopes of getting closer to some imaginary famous group of friends I might have for having met a President and a King. Up in Canada I work in a diner, you are the closest person I could count to some elite list of connections I could boast on.”

Her arm eased through yours and she squeaked out, “That is so sweet of you to say,” making you giggle and watch the path she led you on to memorize, “Have you picked any clubs yet?”

“No, not yet. No doubt they will be circling this week.”

“I have a synchronized swimming tryout after my last class at two.”

“Sounds like fun for you.”

Smiling at you she said, “You don’t want to try it?”

“I’m not the best swimmer. Nearly drowned a couple times in the public pool when I was little. I swim up in the ponds up in Canada on their land.”

Looking you over she asked, “Have you, lived with James long?”

“Well we lost our apartment in Canada when Eddie got drafted, we moved on base, so when we discharged we didn’t have a home to go to.”

“Oh,”

“And for years through the war they had said we could move in with James and Victor. I know living together is sort of a timid subject for some people.”

Shaking her head she said, “No, I didn’t mean it like that. I would never assume anything improper. Eddie lives with you too?”

“Yes, him, his wife Dawn and son Teddy have their own floor in our place.”

She gasped, “You’re an auntie?! Congratulations!”

You giggled again, “Thank you, he’s crawling already and getting onto solid food. Absolutely love him.”

Black and polished a car was waiting and to the shock of people looking on you were seen climbing into the car after Portia. All over campus the elite of the North seemed to be holding a common thought that the Southern money Heiress was to be kept at arms length while you were to be drawn into the fold as per the alumni’s orders. A thought clearly needing to be adjusted if you continued your interest in getting to know the social outcast.

Quaint and open the diner sat with more students who waved to you luring you both to them, or more precisely the half booth table beside theirs. In a try to help her gain some friends you bubbled out your personality to do so, politely to the waitress you spoke ordering and made sure to tip well through the conversation centering around classes you had and Professors who seemed to be difficult or up to trying for adding the most work to the course load as possible.

“How are you taking 14 courses?” One of the most diligent on recruiting you for her club asked bewildered at her nine that seemed to be stressful for her third year.

“Not all of them are every day. Some are one semester.”

“What do you have next?”

“Um, Philosophy on the Men’s Campus. Then back to Barnard for Mythology.”

“That’s a jump.”

You giggled saying, “Possibly. I have my other two Columbia courses tomorrow.”

Portia, “Three classes with the men?” Portia asked making you smirk and slice off another piece of your meal.

One of the other ladies said tapping her finger to her bare ring finger, “She already has her fella.”

Her friend next to her said, “But could always put in a good word for us single ladies.”

Giggling again you said lifting your fork, “If I hear any guys wanting a dame I’ll tell them about the diner for lunch.” Earning giggles and squeals in easing the food between your lips.

“Any thoughts on clubs yet?” Luring eyes to you again.

“Um, not exactly. I know Portia is trying for synchronized swimming.” Moods slightly deflated a moment until you said, “My future brother in law, Victor, taught me how to develop film, and I have my brother Steve’s camera, so maybe a photography course, but I think they only have that for Columbia guys.”

The head club lady shook her head, “No, no, we have one. They work with the paper and yearbooks mostly, however their instructor is out until tomorrow. What sort of camera is it?”

“An old Kodiak Vigilant Junior. Over ten years old, but Victor helped me to clean it up maintain the hinge and everything. Unless they require a newer one, then no doubt he’ll go and buy me the biggest best one out there.”

“Oh how sweet.”

“Well I started my job at the diner in Canada and they bought me a purse, started my ged course and they bought me a new typewriter. Start here they bought me my bag. If they had their way there would be a line of presents to circle the block for me when I get home.”

Portia patted your arm, “You picked a great man to marry.” Gaining agreeing nods from the group.

More clubs came up in conversation until the time was checked and on your feet the head of the group said in a pat on your arm, “I’ll check with Julie and send her your way about the photography club she’ll give you the basics.”

Her friend said, “And for an art club we do have a comic section in the paper that we lost our artist for last year, also handles the portraits added to stories for Professors and locations and such. I’ll let Amber know to add your name to the list. Might need some sketches to see what your skill level is if she’s found some more names to go against.”

“Thank you.” You said splitting from the others and joining Portia to her car again.

“That was fun,” she said on the drive back where you saw she had the driver drop you at the men’s campus.

“Yes, maybe that might calm things a bit.”

“Who knows we might get on the paper together. Had an article back home on ours. Handy tips for ladies around the house. Had all the girls wanting to build their own shoe cubbies.”

“One way to do it,” making her giggle and turn her head subtly primping seeing curious guys stealing glances at the car. “Thank you for the ride.”

“Any time. Hopefully I can run into you again after school.”

“I’ll keep my eyes peeled.”

You said with a wave sliding to the door you opened to climb out seeing a nearby guy peer inside and once you were up at Portia’s statement of, “Just dropping my friend Bunny. But thank you,”

“Timothy,” Offering his hand that she shook.

Nodding her head saying, “Well thank you, Timothy.” Waving at him as he closed the door smiling at her while you passed through parting groups of guys looking you over wondering where you were headed.

Passing by Professor Crane’s class you found your way to another tiered set of seating with long tables you sat on the aisle in the second row of the first section of desks you reached hopefully ensuring nobody absurdly tall would block your view. Packed to the brim this class seemed to be with the other ladies choosing to sit in your row and the one in front of yours filling those five seats with the men taking up the rest of the space. The Professor knew this might not be one of the most female populated courses but even sticking to his stern teaching methods he tried to encourage the few females who would sign up to possibly encourage others to sign up the next year.

Right off the bat he stirred up a debate that got heated to the point one of the guys headed to the rows of books along the walls to find his proof for his opponent only to glance your way ending his huffing battle trying to flip through the hefty book when you gave him the page and paragraph number. Carrying it to the one he was arguing he asked you, “How’d you do that?”

Meeting his eye you replied, “I remember everything I read.”

“Everything?” He asked.

And you repeated, “Everything.”

“Must come in handy.” Another guy said.

To which you replied, “No, it would be handy if you could do it, it’s just a trick when I do it, like a bear on a unicycle.”

The Professor said, “Gender topics will be head on next semester.” He grinned at you, “But fair point all the same Miss Pear.”

“Miss Pear,” another male student said, “Bunny Pear? Who won the Medal of Honor, that Bunny Pear?”

Another guy said, “I read about you, said you tore Nazi planes out of the air. How’d you do it?”

“Magnets.”

Another guy scoffed saying, “Impossible.”

“So were airplanes not so long ago until the Wright Brothers got it to work.”

“And you didn’t have any help? None at all?”

Another glance back had your eyes on the doubter who scoffed at your smirk, “There goes that bear on a unicycle again. Couldn’t possibly have a brain and wear dresses, must have stolen the credit,”

He murmured again, “Took more than credit-,”

“Oh yes, must have spent years on my back too to get home safely,” that had the guy paling when your eyes caught him in a harsh cold gaze, “Heard that one too. For men with fragile egos like yours who couldn’t possibly exist in a world where a woman could accomplish anything on her own it’d be easier to find a jellyfish in the ocean than an intelligent successful woman who hasn’t been called a whore.” That had the rest of the guys jeering and ladies blushing through their muffled giggles looking away as you kept your eyes fixed on his until he turned away.

Chuckling the Professor said clapping to help lull the students down again saying, “Looping around again.” Bringing the discussion back to another topic he wished to cover starting off what he hoped to be a good year of thorough open discussions and healthy debates. This was one class you knew you would take a bit part in verbally and for once you didn’t feel concerned about possibly doing that, feeling fully welcomed to do so by the Professor and cheerful students passing you on the way out. “Brilliant point.”

Breathily you chuckled lifting your books and bag saying, “Thank you, and sorry, I’m not certain if my wording was out of bounds.”

He chuckled again shaking his head, “When used academically no. Very well said. If I may, any plans on what field you might try for? Or a degree?”

“I know I want a Masters,” spreading his smile, “No clue on the subject yet.”

“Why Masters, you do know-,”

“That the percentage of women who earn one is 3.5% out of female college graduates, two percent lower than it is for men. Only two women have earned a Medal of Honor, one had it revoked because she wasn’t a woman in uniform. I’m the first female officer in Canadian Forces. My Dad wanted big things for me, I will settle for a Doctorate, but I am aiming for a Masters Degree.”

“Once you get to graduate school level I’ll keep my eyes peeled and you’ll have a vote from me in your favor to be accepted to Columbia.”

“I could go here full time?”

“For graduate courses, if you win a majority vote they would allow your transfer. Not common, but it is possible.”

“Thank you, thought I might have to triple my train time for Yale.” He shook his head as you eyed the next class coming in, “See you tomorrow, Professor.”

“See you tomorrow Miss Pear.” Nods from him welcomed his entering female students and in the hall you smiled rejoining your fellow female students who had lingered a few moments hoping to walk together assuming you were all headed back to the female campus.

“What are you off to?” You asked getting a varied set of answers.

One of them asked once you were out of the cramped halls to the open walkways again, “Did you get in trouble?”

Shaking your head you answered, “No, he merely asked what sort of degree I might be hoping for. I haven’t picked yet but I do know I want to go to graduate school.”

One of the women said, “Me as well. I was hoping for a counselor for children, maybe at a camp or a school.”

Another said, “Fifteen generations of men in my family were lawyers or judges, I have no brothers, I hoped to keep the tradition alive.”

A third said, “I read librarians require graduate courses, always wanted to work with books. Spent last summer helping to clean up at our library back home my grandmother is the librarian there.”

“I practically lived in the Public Library growing up. Such a lovely job.”

Back at the entrance the group split up and between streams of giggling women off to their dorms after their final class you paused at a peach clad woman smiling at you widely, “Kimmy told me you were interested in Photography club.”

“Yes, Julie, right?”

“Yes,” from the books pinned to her chest she brought out a sheet she passed you, “Tomorrow is our first meeting, at three, don’t forget your camera so our instructor can give it a once over. That has the room number and everything.”

“Okay, thank you.”

She hurried off to join her friends and you kept on going to your class pausing again to reach out for a paper a running redhead passed to you, “School paper meeting on Thursday at 3.”

“Thank you.”

“Bring some sketches.” Wetting your lower lip again towards your class slipping the paper against the books to your chest you hurried. Wide open the door sat and flashing a grin to Professor Randolph who was readying a set of papers he was to pass out to all of you.

Tiered desks waited in the oddly cramped theater style room with decorations of objects from various myths and cultures spread around the room with what turned out to be filled two thirds of the way. Around you in your chosen row more ladies from clubs settled hoping to make friends with you. Pages were handed back and in the lights turning off Professor Randolph walked to the lit up projector on a table a few feet from his desk aimed at the blank screen on the wall showing the Great Sphynx in Egypt.

“Ancient Egypt,” he began, “For the next few weeks we will be delving into this world and culture to explore the Gods that the people shaped their lives to please and serve to their dying breaths.” Mainly talking through the class he stole glances of various students taking notes throughout with sheets forgotten. Until the final few minutes when he turned the lights on and stated, “And for those of you who have not forgotten the sheets I passed out kindly fill those out as much as you can, we have nine minutes, no books I would like to see what you point of view is on the subject.”

Putting your notepad away you looked over the sheet and smirked at the first question, ‘Which Greek God would you prefer to leave your wife with while you stepped out to the shop; Zeus, Narcissus, Hephaestus, Dionysus?’

‘One traded his eye for knowledge, One gave birth to a six legged horse and other beasts tied to Ragnarok, One guards a rainbow bridge. Which name does not apply?

Loki, Njord, Heimdall, Odin.’

This question earned some scoffs for how simple it seemed only to be followed by another seemingly odd question.

‘Who would win in a poker game?

Bragi, Hod, Forseti?’

You barely got to fill out your answer when he said, “That is our class, I will take your pages on your way out.”

Before you could stand groups already planning their post school day plans hurried out nodding to the grinning Professor accepting each taking notice that you were merely waiting out the rest of the herd to leave to not be in the way. Back in your hold your books and bag settled post subtle shift of your skirt over your thighs to straighten it with sheet in hand you made your way down to the Professor now at his desk. “Thank you,” he said turning as you arrived to accept the sheet you held out for him, taking notice of your eyes dropping to the familiar pendant around his neck draped on top of his tie.

“Sorry, Professor, but where did you get that pendant?”

Settling your sheet on top of the others he added to his bag he grinned to say, “My father was given this by a Queen from a, far away land you probably haven’t heard of.”

His eyes fixed on yours eyeing the pear tree centered on the pendant with runes all around it hinting to markings in one of your dreams of your former life with James. The same pendant your father used to keep with him at all times only showing it to you before he died. “My Dad had one. Do they sell them? He was buried with his.”

“No, no one sells them. However I would love to share about the land sometime if you would agree?”

You nodded and said, “That would be nice, thank you.”

Motioning his hand to the side he said, “Shall I walk you out?”

“Sure,”

“Already packed up, thought I would stop for something to eat. My lunch was interrupted.”

“That’s no fun. I got poached for mine.” He glanced at you curiously and you giggled out, “Clubs are determined to claim me. Tomorrow Photography and I have to do some sketches to give to the paper to see if I’ll fit for their comics and illustrations. Doubt I would.”

“I would not bet on that, the last one was quite ghastly from what I have looked up, did a rendering of the Dean ended up nearly suspended.” Making you giggle to yourself in his soft chuckle. Passing through the emptying hall he asked, “If I might ask, Pear is an interesting surname, do you know where it originates from?”

“Oh, um, when Eddie took custody of me we picked to change our names to Pear. From the medallion actually. Dad used to say he was born under the pear tree in the center of it, that it was unlike any other pear tree on the planet. Somehow alive.”

Tapping his medallion he said, “The Queen of that land was the source of this tree. It sprouted in her first breath, and after each battle she and her children fought those would sprout up in the battle field.”

Smirking at him you said, “Is that culture on our syllabus?”

“No, in fact no one believes those lands to even exist.”

“Then where did the medallions come from?”

He pointed at you, “Exactly.”

Smiling as you did not noticing one of the other female Professors watching you pass by her classroom having watched from your tours and enrolling how fixed on befriending you he seemed to be. Just like the club members tasked to poach you to their elite numbers. “Do you give many exams?”

“No, not many. One a month most likely, small quizzes in between with mini essays. I have to admit I am not overly fond of grading compared to delving into mythologies, though Egyptian culture has the most quizzes merely on the glyphs and other details.”

“Sounds good, haven’t gotten to Egyptian culture yet so I am learning a great deal.”

Avoiding students you answered questions about your other classes you had around his the following day for the rest of the way to the front entrance, where just across from you on a bench James and Victor stood catching sight of you exiting the school. Their grins spread in your approach and Professor Randolph nodded his head, “James, Victor, lovely to see you. Since you two are here I shall leave her to your watch I am off to eat before I am drug back for another meeting on simple politics, which I simply abhor, everything is always politics at those things.” Tottering off down the walkway behind Victor’s back to avoid the sight of another Professor to reach his car the three of you chuckled and turned homewards.

Victor grinning said, “So, how did it go?”

“Not bad. History will be strict, we had a lovely discussion on the gold rush and the crossing of mountain ranges and the effects on everything from social status to clothes and market values, distribution both medical and otherwise. Leading to the jump in crime and of course the rising profiteering of the funeral business.”

“Of course,” James chuckled out. “She bring that up or did you?”

“Me, she asked me what my opinion was on the gold rush, I asked which part and then elaborated at her continued confusion.”

Victor nodded, “Italian and Latin then? Since you insist on both this year.”

“Well I need both so I can load up on Lit courses for my second semester courses and next year as well. Technically I don’t need two languages for credits, but the Italian for the language and the Latin can go for another credit for my Lit Masters.”

James beamed at you, “Full Masters degree, I’m glad to hear you’ve decided.” Accepting hold of your books finally subtly eyeing the sheets with notes of times and locations for your club meetings.

His eyes shifted to you again as you said, “Italian should be fine but I hear my Latin Professor likes to be friendly, but he seems to enjoy drawing out excitement from students in class.” You wet your lower lip and said, “Art History was next, everyone seemed to know everything on the slides until she got to the Surrealist genre not on the syllabus. Which I knew, and she seemed stunned I knew. Asked me about my preference on Surrealist paintings and I said they seem more imaginative than paint splatters and I prefer them to Picasso’s.”

Victor, “Agreed.” Earning a nod from James. “How was Miss Portia?”

“Good, she’s in the class too, finally got to the topic of me not being from money and possibly being more boring than others give me credit for when I mentioned free days and half off days to museums and such. But she’s set on tea visits at her place and study groups and possibly dinners ahead. They have a five bedroom penthouse in Manhattan, her brother’s name is Preston, still don’t recall the name. I’ll have to see him.”

James, “I’m still putting my money on Mr Biscuits.”

Victor, “Did she have that rough a time in Art History?”

“No, mainly her language course she said she’d need help in. Nothing hard so far except our first assignment.”

James, “How so?”

“We have to write four pages on a piece of artwork that was in our homes growing up and how it touched our lives and families.”

They both said, “Oh,”

“I think I can work something up about my mural of stars. She said it doesn’t have to be a big name to count.”

Victor, “I’m certain it will be a wonderful paper.”

“Well, it was either that or the wallpaper design Steve sketched on the wall.” You let out a breath and said, “Anyways, lunch was fine, Portia had us driven to a diner where a group of girls were there, sat by them to push the inevitable, and to try and help her get some friends, two different worlds of money don’t mix it seems. We get to talking and they bring up clubs and Portia is joining sync swimming, I told her I’ve had rough history with water or I’d try it. Then the head club girl seemed about in tears so I mentioned your dark room and that I thought the only photography club was for the guys,”

Victor, “Ooh, nice choice.”

“But she said they have one and it mainly works with the paper and yearbook,”

James, “Very nice.”

“The instructor is out, can’t recall why right now, but they meet tomorrow so she said she would inform a Julie to inform me about the club. Then it gets brought up Eddie is on the paper and I might do some cartoons, which led into those little illustrations for the paper, which is meeting on Thursday. So I have to sketch some things up and bring them on Thursday so they can go over them against some list of other possible applicants for the job.”

The pair said, “You’ll get it.”

You rolled your eyes and Victor asked, “So, photography club,”

“Before you say buy me a camera I’ll just take Steve’s. Should be fine. Poor thing has been in a box for ages.”

James, “Yearbook, paper, photography club, great mix to your credits.”

Victor, “Not to mention your Masters.”

“Ooh, I talked to my Philosophy Professor after class and he said that for my graduate courses they can vote as the staff to accept my transfer to Columbia graduate courses. Said I’d have his vote.”

James, “On the first day?”

Victor, “Must have left a mark on him. How did class go?”

“Rather well actually. He brought up some topics and let us debate, my memory came up in helping a student find the quote he wanted and he said that was handy, I said for a man it’s handy for me it’s more along the lines of a trick, like a bear on a unicycle.”

Victor, “Hmm,”

“Anyways, Professor says we’ll cover gender later on but compliments me, another student recognizes my name asks how I managed to tear planes out of the sky I said magnets.”

James, “This can only go well.”

“He said impossible, I said so were planes until the Wright Brothers made them.”

Victor, “Well done.”

You giggled adding, “Another mumbled something after I said that I managed it on my own that I had another sort of help to get through the war-,”

James and Victor paused, “Who am I hitting?”

Patting their arms you said, “It gets better,”

Victor, “Please tell me he’s dead or bleeding.”

“I told him that for a man with such a fragile ego as his not to believe a woman could manage on her own it would be easier to find a jellyfish in the ocean than to find an intelligent successful woman who hasn’t been called a whore.”

Unable to help it the pair chortles and smoothed their hands over their mouths to hide their proud grins, “Even the Professor said my argument was brilliant and the guys in class lost it jeering at him. Of course I clarified I was uncertain on the use of the term whore in class to the Professor afterwards but he said academically it is acceptable, just not in a slur hurled at another student. Then we talked about my plans going forward. He did try to let me know how few women do get above a four year degree.”

Victor, “3.5%, that I remember from when you brought it up,”

“Which I pointed out to him as it’s only 2% below men, and the other achievements I have gotten, said I would settle for a Doctorate.”

They stepped forward along with you chuckling with James easing his arm around your back, “There’s the vote,”

Victor, “You are going to be stunning. Now, what are you sketching once your paper is done?”

“Not sure, thought I might be able to catch you and the puppies napping again.”

Victor chuckled resting his hand on your back in a stolen kiss to your forehead once James had leaned back from kissing your cheek, “That can be arranged, Pipsqueak.”

Pt 28

#James Howlett x Reader OC #Victor Creed #Eddie Brock x OC #Venom #First Day of School Pt 2

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