#also I’m scared of starting it only for my hyperfixation to wear off right after

[thatsapphicsoprano]

I kinda want to start a Jane Austen club at my university !! but I don’t know if I would have the time to commit to running it and I don’t know if anyone would join… but I’ve been thinking about it and I think it could be fun ??? 

[abeanblogs]

Lol, please forgive my randomness, but She Ra x Breath of the Wild. If Double Trouble met Revali and Urbosa, how do you think they'll get along? Urbosa, I think, would be a lil suspicious, but is nice to them, and them and Revali would actually be friends! But if our lil shapeshifter got hurt, Urbosa and Revali would protect them UwU just like we would. Lol, sorry if this is long, I just had a lot to say. Have a good day/night

(This is the third time I’m writing this god damn it)

Am I going to put too much thought into the idea of an impossible crossover between two of my biggest hyperfixations? You better believe I am.

Let’s start with Mipha. It would take some trust-building, but Double Trouble would be just about the only person she’d be able to talk to. They know ALL about the weird love triangle between her, Link, and Zelda. They try to convince her to confront one of them about it, but no dice. But they did convince her to talk to the next best source: Urbosa.

Urbosa is very intuitive. She’s one of the few people that can scope out Double Trouble, no matter what form they take. So they’ve made it a mission to try and fool her. One day, shy little Mipha goes up to her to ask her about how Zelda feels about Link. Urbosa just smirked and goes, “seeking out a little gossip to dish, aren’t you, Double Trouble?” This makes Mipha incredibly flustered/confused, and you can just hear DT laughing in another room. DT also picked up on calling Zelda “little bird/birdie”, and Urbosa calls DT “chameleon” or “Lizalfos/Lizal.”

Revali and Double Trouble would be a nightmare of mutual ego-boosting. Revali is amazed by DT’s abilities and acting. He’s always suspicious of everyone being DT in disguise, but he’s not very good at figuring out when it is DT or not. He’ll walk up to a random Hylian soldier or Rito and try and scare them or say a very out-of-context inside joke that only DT would know to get them to break character. He’s maybe right 25% of the time. The other times, DT walks right up behind him when he’s “investigating” someone and says something like, “looking for someone?” Which immediately embarasses him. Double Trouble envies Revali’s fame as the hero of Rito Village, since most people immediately distrust them. But they often stoke each other’s egos. DT will shift into Link and play the “woe is me, how will I ever defeat Ganon?!” schtick, much to Revali’s amusement. He’s a great audience.

Double Trouble found Link dull at first, since he doesn’t talk/react much. But the moment they realize there’s a lot more to him than the “strong and silent chosen one” archetype, Link becomes one of the most interesting people for them to study. They become determined to get him to open up, and they do so with food and making him laugh. They more or less become the therapist of the group. They even help Link figure out his gender/sexuality after seeing how he acts in Gerudo Town. What cis man would react the way Link did to wearing girl’s clothes?

To Double Trouble, Zelda is another interesting character. It’s not often a princess starts off resenting her “knight in shining armor.” They help her navigate her feelings for Link and to realize her true desires beyond her destiny, much like they did with Catra. And they’re really good at making her laugh when she gets too stressed out.

Daruk? I don’t know, they probably get along okay. But DT loves to tease him about his fear of dogs.

[nosferatyou]

I was tagged by @lazingonsunday and @shes-outta-sight to do one of the long tag, get to know them, type of things. Which I absolutely love by the way. I don’t talk about myself much.

What was the last thing you read?

Well I was editing the latest chapter of my fic of that counts? If not some random josh one shot a couple hours ago lol.

Favorite Movie?

Man it’s ever revolving. It was Django Unchained for a long ass time, but now I think it’s Baby Driver.

Favorite Book?

Misery by Stephen King. I read it years ago and I have a lot of good memories tied to it. Me and my friend became closer through his works and this was the first one I read. It’ll stay close in my heart.

Dream Date?

It’s one I’ve been on before but just Vinyl Shopping. It’s simple and easy but music in a relationship is important to me. I gotta make sure they have good picks. But there is something so soft about it all.

Do you have a crush?

Sadly no. But I’m fully in Joshes lane rn if that means anything?

What are your hobbies?

Oof okay. I mostly draw like all hours of the day. But I very actively keep up with guitar and bass. I write as well. I make videos for my friends. I collect old and beat up vinyls. Lot of art stuff

Favorite time of day?

Night time. Like from hours 10-3. That’s my true alone time and it’s something I cherish and look forward to everyday.

If you could look like anything, what would you like to look like?

I don’t wish to change anything about my body. I think I’d be silly to. But man I wish I could actually afford clothes I’d like to wear. Real bellbottoms you know? I want that vintage shit.

Are you romantic?

In a secure relationship yes. I show too much emotion too fast in the beginning. But boy oh boy when I get romantic. I get very touchy feely. Man date ideas. Lot of carefully curated playlists.

Favorite type of weather?

That time in like August/September when I can wear jeans and maybe a light jacket. But it’s still warm, you know?

What do you like talking about?

Music. I talk about it all day long. The foundation behind it. The artist. I could discuss guitars and instruments with people all damn day. I just. I love everything about it. But also GVF is my hyperfixation rn and my friend is ready to shoot my head off if I speak another word about Jakes guitar playing.

What are your turn ons?

Ngl I’m akin to a boy with long hair. It’s my vice. I’ve only dated long haired musicians. But I just want someone who radiates some kind of light you know? I’ve seen too much darkness. I want someone genuine and real. Is it too much to ask for a positive person?

What are your turn offs?

I’ve dealt with a lot in my past. Basically anything that’s negative. Ignorance mostly. I don’t want someone who refuses to learn. It’s stupid. I just want honesty and someone with an open mind. Anything else is a no go.

If you got a tattoo what would it be and where would you get it?

Okay so. I really want tattoos. I designed something about a year ago I want really badly but it’s so expensive. Thinking rationally. Right now I’d really like some line art of bust. Idk what tho.

Do you have any pets?

3! 2 dogs, Ruby and Nellie, both too six year old mutts. Nellie is the weirdest god damn dog I’ve ever had. And ruby is basically a fox dog. And then there is Friday my cat. He can be a bitch boy but he’s a sweet boy who’s just being a cat. (I also have ten plants but most people don’t consider them pets)

Dream Job?

I’m still searching for that. Recently my heads been floating towards playing live shows as a guitar or bass player. But I’m no where near the point of even considering. I’m pretty shitty. But how Cool would it be to play that violin bow with my guitar on stage?

Dream place to live?

Not considering any potential jobs. I just want to live in a big log cabin somewhere on the outskirts of a town. Out in the wilderness and free to just live.

Dream vacation?

I’ve never been to Europe. I’d love to just road trip around in a van honestly. But before that visit my great grandfather grave in Scotland. He was a kings hand and did a lot back in the day. I’d be cool to see. But then I’d fuck around in Europe.

Do you have any piercings?

I’ve got my nose and ears pierced. I’m pretty happy with that

If you had kids what would you name them?

Man I don’t even want to think about that.

What are your best traits?

I’m a great listener. I’m extremely compassionate. Will do anything to help friends. And I feel like my music taste isn’t half bad.

Worst traits?

The compassionate thing tends to bite me in the ass. I’ve got a lot of emotions. I also have 20 things I want to do all at once all the time. I loose sleep because of it. There is more but I’d go on too long.

Worst fear?

Weirdly enough any type of natural disaster. When I was way too young I watched “The Impossible” and then shortly after learned about techtonic plates and I never forgotten about it or where they are.

What do you want to eat right now?

Brownies. And a fucking burrito.

Best vacation you’ve been on?

I went on a road trip to Chicago recently and I just makes so many good memories. I saw ninja sex party’s 10th anniversary, which was fantastic. But I got to visit a friend all weekend. But my favorite part was the ride back. The whole time we just talked but also sang to old 50s songs and just had this moment of unity. I still think about it

Favorite City?

I haven’t been to too many places yet so I’m gonna go with my hometown, Nashville. If you look past all the tourists. It’s got a very rich musical history and in certain places you just feel it. I loved living there and it made me who I was.

Favorite social media platform?

Tumblr. It’s really the only one I ever check anymore. Plus I’ve made some great friends on here.

Favorite article of clothing?

My fucking bellbottoms. I wear them whenever I can. They give me so much confidence.

Do you play any sports?

Fuck no. I have no coordination whatsoever.

Favorite meal of the day?

Lunch. You have a lot more options. Plus I just like the vibe

What are you excited for?

Starting the tenth I have a lot of good things coming my way. In that week I get to finally end this semester, the new Harry styles album releases, I get a new bass, and I get to see fucking Greta Van Fleet. None of you know how excited I am for that. Pit tickets. Jesus it’ll be good.

Not excited for?

Finals. And an um.. upcoming funeral.

When was the last time you cried?

I honestly can’t remeber and that really scares me.

Dream house?

I basically answered this earlier but gimme that big ass log cabin.

Something you hate about this world?

Don’t get my started. I hate that everyone hates themselves all the time when they have no reason to. I hate that 8 people have most of the worlds money and are doing nothing to help global warming. I hate the man that’s in power and what he’s helped cause. I hate everyone who refuses to accept literally any fact. I hate that my future is bleak because of some old ass white men.

Something you love about this world?

I love the light that radiates off of certain people. I love that our generation has hope and that some people are actually trying to make change. I love the raw creativity I see in others and I love that we are bringing back the resurgence of peace and love.

What scents do you like?

Old records and books. Its the simple pleasures.

What kind of sleeper are you?

Typically heavy but sometimes I Sleep so little it feels like I got nothing at all.

Cat or dog person?

Don’t make me pick! I grew up with both, and very partial to both.

How long would you survive in a zombie Apocolypse?

I wish I could tell you. I’d like to think I’d live awhile but I would probably be the ones who look like they have hope and then accidentally get taken out.

Are you trusting?

I used to be. I realized recently how thick my walls really are.

What fictional character do you identify with?

Sorry to be boring but nothing is coming to mind. But then again I never felt akin to anyone really?

What labels do you commonly get?

In high school I was called “the quiet one” if that tells you anything.

What song would be your life anthem?

Sunshine on my shoulders by John Denver is the only one coming to mind. I think I just want the feeling it gives me to be what I feel all the time.

What issues are you dealing with right now?

Two friends in the last month Um. Took their own lives. One being an old friend. I’ve never dealt with death. My brain doesn’t know how to handle it. I also think I might have ADD. But. That’s the tip of the iceberg rn

How can someone win you over?

Typically I’m drawn to people who are the loudest in the room. I like that their confident and can speak their minds but what wins me over about them is when they really open up. When I learn about the real then rather than the face that they put on. Most of the time it goes that way.

What’s something people don’t know about you?

I’m making a short film with some friends who go to Columbia. Should be out soonish.

I tag

@pvre-mourning @peacelovekiszka @fretavangleet @aint-no-denying @sosozoso

[jamesholden]

so, imma get real for a sec here, fam

To start from the top, Holden has been my favorite character since I picked up book one. Before I knew that my love of 12 years Steven Strait was playing him. Before I even really knew how alike me and him are. He’s always been the easiest for my to connect to. Someone with so much nuance who is so sensitive and kind and fun and friendly who goes through such a dark time that he loses all of that and has to fight himself to get it all back. Someone who subverts and kicks around so many tropes that he could be a soccer player. I really love Holden.

So here’s the rub. I fixate. And I hyperfixated on Holden because i see so much of myself in him and that’s pretty hard for me to do because there’s so much going on in my head. I was going through some deep emotional and self-confidence shit when I got into The Expanse and seeing Holden get through his own shit and also constantly working to keep himself afloat and be the person he wants to be (aka the person deserving of Naomi’s love but that’s not the point here) really helped me start trying to feel better and to be better. Because he was so much like me I thought I could do it. I mean I know I seem fun and confident and like I don’t care what anyone thinks but like... that is so beyond false it’s kind of hilarious.

So here I was hoping to find a fandom who might love Holden as much as I do and not only was I kinda disappointed, but I kept seeing people just talk about how horrible he is and how annoying he is and how he could die and the show/books would be better and all these other things but what really got me was seeing people say negative things about his personality that I share with him. And that hit me hard. Really hard. I work hard to accept myself because i’ve been bullied and misunderstood and played because I have some mental things that make me difficult for some people to understand or for me to express myself succinctly. And seeing people publically talk down on things I’m trying really hard to love about myself or to improve in myself... was super disheartening. And it made me want to defend Holden.

Holden isn’t perfect. as Steven’s said he wears his flaws on his sleeve. He doesn’t hide them. He does good and bad things and he acts out when he’s not okay and that’s not okay. But I do think he sometimes gets an unfair amount of vitriol and very little positive character studies compared to everyone else even when they’re not behaving well either and I get defensive. I wanted to make sure that someone was out there saying that he’s a good person who makes mistakes. That I believe he should and will make up for what he’s done and grow and be better. Because he can and he will! He has a long arc with subtle changes and it plays out differently and he’s suffering from PTSD and that last fact is always lost because... what does it matter? It’s just fucking Holden. And like I’m not okay with that when everyone else gets all this love and attention towards their trauma and how they deal with it but Holden just has to shoulder his? Of course I don’t think he should be taking it out on his crew, but shouldn’t we want him to connect with someone or get help like we want Amos to? Or like we wanted Alex to after he lost those Belters? Or Miller after he lost Julie? It just seemed like everyone brushed it under the rug like with every other important part of his character because “oh he’s just an asshole” or whatever. 

But I think in all of that I just got very pushy and aggressive and impulsive and I started to question myself every time I said something or got on the defense or got very aggressive with my defense and I really started to wonder if I was just being an asshole. I wondered if people just didn’t like me or didn’t like talking to me because I scared them off or they didn’t want to talk about what I like with me because I feel very strongly about what I like. I’ve been accused of being difficult to talk to by like my own mother when it comes to things i’m passionate about and it’s something I’m really scared of. And it’s kind of become clear to me that that’s probably what’s happening.

So, I want to apologize. For being this person I’ve been trying not to be and being it anyway. I’m probably going to back off on a lot of like... aggressive or defensive posts about Holden. I’ll still make all my jokey posts and my positive for the sake of being positive posts because I still need them in the tags to stay sane. Also because I just love to make jokes about Holden. And I’ll still defend him when he actually needs defending. I mean all this is part of why I don’t liveblog on here anymore. To avoid getting upset and to avoid saying things I shouldn’t. But I’m not going to keep coming off like everyone is wrong and I’m right by posting every time i’m angry or upset or hurt.

I don’t want to be an asshole. I want to make sure I’m being the friend and fan I want to be. I’ve spoken up for everyone’s right to express themselves and have fun and to express their own interpretations and opinions without people attacking them or talking down to them or treating them like their wrong. And I have to make sure I’m practicing what I preach. So yeah.

Sorry guys. And thanks for being so patient with me.