#also I’m not joking he joined the military at like fifteen kid is feral

[dark-elf-writes]

No cuz cloud being payed in random survival shit to help run a moonshine distillery as a kid is fucking hilarious to me. Cuz not only would he be like “this city-alcohol is literal water. If it can’t sterilize a fatal wound I don’t want it” but also have this weird ass collection of like fishhooks and axes just laying around

Cloud, fifteen but looks younger, half of the squad thinks he’s a baby the other half thinks he was birthed from the icy grip of Shiva herself, has to stand on counters to reach the top shelf and once held a squaddie hostage at needle-point after he got sick of all of them having to do extra pt because the man ripped his uniform pants and couldn’t fix them: this alcohol tastes like making love in a canoe

Squaddie, half terrified half amused: Is that… good, Kid?

Cloud, not even blinking as he pounds it down in one go: No it’s fucking close to water.