#also I think if your argument is genuinely that one group's safety has to come at the expense of an entire other group of people

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

So, Canada has decided to stop sending arms to Israel after an NDP motion. The Liberals made major amendments to it so as to firmly condemn Hamas as well. It's kind of a mixed bag. Honestly, it's naive of me but I didn't expect there would still be so much outrage, even if the motion did call for an acknowledgement of Palestine as a state. All the Conservatives voted against it - to be fair, some of them wanted to wait for the motion to be passed because the amendments were super last minute and the Bloc Quebecois were annoyed that because of this there wasn't a French translation.

I guess it's a step in the right direction. I think it's still weak but you can read more on it here.

Source 1, Source 2, Source 3

[beanghostprincess]

i would care if you talked about luffy's issues please talk please tell me all your takes, genuinely (< anon who enjoys your takes)

I am so thankful you asked me this because Luffy is genuinely one of my favorite characters of all time, especially when it comes to shonen protagonists. I'm always saying I don't like shonens (says the one that watches a lot of shonens) but that's mainly because the main characters never feel... Well-written enough for me to like them. But, well, One Piece is different. With all characters, really. It's one of the first shonens I watch that I genuinely love and enjoy because of the characters (shout out to Mob Psycho 100 being one of my favorite animes of all time too because of that same reason).

Luffy is a very complex character and I think that's why he gets mischaracterized most of the time when it comes to the fandom. Some people make him too dumb. Others make him too childish. Others make him way darker and more depressed than he truly is. And I'd say that's weird, having in mind how much the show talks about Luffy and is focused on Luffy's POV, but I kind of understand because people aren't used to characters that are both optimistic and realistic at the same time. Most of the time people consider an optimistic character to be completely idealistic (a good example here is Uta. She is idealistic because she's been sheltered for so long and thinks something as complex as the corruption in the world can be solved with a few songs and love) and refuse to acknowledge the fact that somebody with hopes and dreams can also understand (first-hand, even) the suffering within the world. People like extremes. They like to make both Law and Zoro extremely edgy. They like to babify Sanji and Koby. They forget about Nami's character depth to make her only "the mean lesbian" of the group (that term makes me so fucking furious you don't even know). Etc. Etc. Etc. The thing is: Luffy has layers. His personality varies. He's optimistic. He's realistic. He's stupid. He's emotionally intelligent. He's impulsive. He cares about the safety of the people around him. He's careless. He feels guilt. He's confident. He's so damn insecure. He's playful. He's the most serious character too. Etc. Etc. Etc.

What I want to say with all of this is that Luffy, despite being always perceived as this childish, dumb, and careless character within the fandom, has so much depth and trauma he deals with every fucking day. I once saw somebody saying Luffy is "not smart enough to understand the feeling of sadness" and I started laughing because what the fuck does that even mean. And... Is that person watching the same thing as me? Because the guy has suffered the injustice of the world so many times and so many losses that I can't even count them.

Basically: People portray Luffy as if he hadn't gone through any type of trauma when OP has shown countless times that he has been through a lot. A fucking lot. Perhaps it's the fact that he's the one hiding it all the time in the show, always replacing sadness with the need to be stronger so he doesn't feel like that ever again (aka protecting everyone so he doesn't lose anybody again. And not even in a selfish way to not be alone, although we could say that he does feel like that to some extent. But because his loved ones do not deserve to disappear or die in those ways and he feels guilty whenever it happens because every time, he says it's because he wasn't strong enough to protect them) and that's why most people don't realize how much pain he has gone through. But that's not a very valid argument because we have a lot of arcs that prove it otherwise (Sabaody, Marineford, Film Red, Wano...). So, yeah, I guess people just don't know how to read.

Starting through chronological order, I want to talk about his abandonment issues and savior complex that always seem to go hand in hand.

Luffy doesn't like to be alone. He's a very empathetic and extroverted person. He doesn't like to be bored, always loving the company of somebody else. But, sadly, he has always been kind of alone? People come and go for him all the time, and you can't tell me that doesn't affect him psychologically. He's 7 when he meets Uta and Shanks and the kid has never been more excited! That's when his dream of being a pirate begins and it's the first time he has a friend. A real friend, not just random animals he manages to find or older people that sometimes take care of him. Luffy gets bored easily, so of course, Shanks and Uta, being something new, make his life brighter. With dreams and new experiences and hope for a newer, better life outside his village. And then Uta and Shanks have to go, of course, and he stays all alone again. From what we've seen, the only thing Luffy did when they weren't around was just... Waiting for them to come back to him. That's it. Luffy's joy basically comes from being with people, and especially when he's fixated on somebody in particular, he doesn't let them go. Then they come back... But Uta is not with them anymore. That's Luffy's first heartbreak, in my opinion. It's when he decides that he has to be stronger. He loved Uta so damn much. She meant the world to him. And suddenly she isn't there, giving him no time to say goodbye, and... He only has Shanks. But Shanks refuses to tell him the truth about what happened with her. So here you go! It's the first time Luffy loses somebody this dear to him and the first time Shanks betrays him enough for him to get angry at his hero. He ends up accepting it, of course, but not because he has moved on, but because both Uta and Shanks told him to be stronger. More mature. And he forces himself to grow up faster because he wants something. He wants to know where his friend is, and if Shanks refuses to tell him because he's just a kid, then he'll just have to grow up and become stronger. To become a pirate and to keep the promise he made with Uta. The movies aren't canon so I just keep thinking about Luffy wondering where Uta is, and it breaks my heart every time.

Then Ace and Sabo appear in his life and... They are literally everything to him. I like Garp. He did what he could do. Kind of. But he leaves Luffy on his own with Ace under the care of some bandits (Dadan we love you, queen). So he can't really blame Luffy for the way he turned out to be, honestly. The thing is: Ace and Sabo are, again, something new to Luffy. They are not just friends. They are his brothers, now. We don't talk enough about Luffy's maturity and respect for other people's dreams even when he's just a kid. Luffy literally was kidnapped and beaten up and he didn't dare to say a word about Ace and Sabo's treasure because he respected their dream. He's loyal and understands other people's feelings and hopes perfectly. His empathy and emotional intelligence are just perfect. Then, well, you all know the story, but these two become the most important thing in Luffy's life, not only because they are his brothers, but because they are the representation of their dreams and future. And then it crashes into a million fucking pieces because of Celestial Dragons and classism and rich people quite literally saying "We are burning down the poor because they don't deserve to live! Woohoo!". And it's Luffy's first time realizing that the world is unfair and fucked up and that there are people that believe to be superior to others, a thing that Luffy fights against all the time.

So, Luffy learns that the world is extremely fucked up at a very young age. He has first-hand contact with the abuse rich people inflict on others, in every way. He suffers from the torture that is fighting for your life in the world of pirating and thieves when he's not even a pirate yet. He's just a kid. What the fuck. And then he loses Sabo. His older brother literally is killed by a celestial dragon and he can't do anything about it. He can only cry, of course, he's just a kid. What is he going to do? So he decides to become stronger. Because he feels weak in the hands of what is the injustice of the world. He feels trapped by that injustice, in my opinion, and wanting to be stronger is just the path to freedom. Because freedom means being able to save the people he cares about.

And here's the thing: Luffy's need to become stronger always comes from the guilt he feels after losing somebody, blaming himself even though he literally could have done nothing at the time to save Uta or Sabo. He has a severe savior complex, not to feel better about himself (although you could say that it would certainly fix his fear of being weak) but to not lose anybody else. For some reason he always feels responsible for the faith of the people he loves, he's constantly putting others first and sacrificing himself and then feeling guilty and weak when he can't save them when it wasn't even in his hands to save them in the first place.

Kid Luffy goes through a ton of stuff in his early years and the fear of being alone... Of losing somebody he cares about... It haunts him. He sees Shanks and piracy as the meaning of freedom and strength. It's just that simple for him: If he becomes a pirate, he'll be strong. If he's strong, he'll be free. If he's free, he'll never lose anybody again.

And yet, even if he's confident he'll manage to do this... He's still a kid. He's still a little brother. Ace's little brother. He depends on Ace, too, because that's the one person he has left. Ace promises him he won't die because he's just as confident, and says this as if Luffy was stupid for thinking something could happen to him. Not to get too into Ace's character right now, but the fact that he's constantly wondering if he should be alive to then realize Luffy needs him to stay alive... Is so damn beautiful.

And then he literally dies in front of Luffy. Protecting Luffy. And Oh, boy if that doesn't kill him... But that comes after Sabaody! After losing literally all of his crew! God, stop hurting this guy already for fuck's sake-

Long story short, Luffy manages to get a family. Not a crew. A family. He's not alone anymore, and he proves constantly that he won't let any of them go or die on him the way it happened with Uta and Sabo.

Water 7 is... Rough for Luffy, to say the least. Because it's the first time he sees everything he has built crumbling down. Robin is taken by the Marines. Usopp wants to leave the crew because he doesn't feel like he fits in, even though Luffy knows he is perfect for the family (Usopp just can't believe him because, you know, insecurities suck). And he has to learn how to be a captain. A true captain. He has to make the harsh decision of fighting his best friend and letting him go (his worst fucking fear) at the age of 17 because he's the captain. He has to be mature. And strong. And he definitely doesn't feel like those now. Not when Robin is also on her way to be executed.

Usopp is leaving. Robin might die. And it's just like Uta and Sabo all over again.

So, basically, Luffy grows up too fast. He grows up too fast, with the fear of abandonment and being weak, and the weight of being the captain of a whole crew resting on his shoulders. Besides, he fights against the world government for Robin because he refuses to let her die thinking she doesn't deserve/want to live, and it reminds me a lot of Ace's story. Ace doesn't think he deserves to live but then stays because he realizes that Luffy loves him and needs him. Robin, thanks to Luffy, realizes that she wants to live and that she has a new family to fight for.

Nobody dies and Usopp comes back this time, so everything ends up turning out fine after all! Yay!

Then Sabaody happens and I swear my guy can't have a fucking break.

Who has suffered more, Jesus Christ or Monkey D. Luffy from Sabaody to Marineford? I think we already know the answer.

He loses all of his crew. All at once. His worst fucking fear. They vanish right in front of his eyes and he can't do anything. He feels weak. He's shattered. Completely broken. But he's optimistic, still, because he believes in his crew and he knows they'll find a way to be together again! They've ben through a lot together, and they can find each other in a few days in Sabaody again. It's fine. But he has to delay it, of course, because his other biggest fucking fear is happening right now: Ace might die. His older brother might die.

So if you mix the trauma that caused him to have abandonment issues and a savior complex with the fact that Ace is the only sibling he has left and he is completely alone because his crew isn't by his side anymore... You get the most heartbreaking arc of the show! Awesome.

He does everything he can to save Ace. Ace complains about it, begging him to stay away from danger. And he refuses because he's his brother. He has to fight for him. And he does. And Ace dies anyway. Ace dies protecting him, too, and the hope that was left within him dies completely at that moment. Everything is shattered. His whole world is crumbling down. And I think that Luffy dies too at that moment.

For Luffy, losing Ace is not like losing a limb. Losing Ace is losing his everything. Ace meant the world to him. He was the representation of their dreams and hopes and past and future. He was the only person who knew Sabo like the back of his hand, too. And now Luffy is the only one carrying their souls. All alone.

That's probably Luffy's rock bottom. He doesn't think he deserves to be a pirate (or alive, either, but I don't want to get too deep into his suicidal thoughts I definitely think are a real thing because then this becomes too dark. But yeah. I think he does think about that too). He doesn't think he's strong enough. And he's completely broken.

There's this line from Fleabag that I absolutely adore: "I don't know what to do with it." / "With what?" / "With all the love I have for her. I don't know where to put it now."

Because Ace is gone. He's completely gone. And all the love Luffy has for him turns into grief and he doesn't know what to do anymore if Ace's soul isn't in the world to look after him. He doesn't know what to do if all the love and feelings he has for his brother go to waste. And it's his fault. Because he wasn't strong enough to protect him. Because he wasn't able to protect himself, Ace having to sacrifice himself for him. (And we know he feels guilty about this because he tells Sabo the second they meet again. He apologizes for not protecting Ace. He feels guilty about what happened still. And Sabo is just glad Luffy is okay because he knows his brothers too well to know already what happened).

Then our beloved Jinbe comes along (I love you. Please adopt me) and, following that quote of Fleabag: "I'll take it. No, I'm serious. It sounds lovely. I'll have it. You have to give it to me." / "Okay." / "It's got to go somewhere."

Jinbe reminds Luffy that he still has his crew. That he still has people who need him alive. People that love him and care for him. That he can't be weak if he has helped so many people already. That they're willing to take both the love and pain Ace makes him feel. And it's such a great character development for Luffy... It makes me go insane. He remembers his crew one by one and realizes that he's not alone anymore. That he has to be stronger for them and for Ace. And for Uta. And Sabo. Jinbe is there with him when the others couldn't, and it has nothing to do with Luffy's issues but I just want to mention how much I love Jinbe for this.

But he still feels the need to be stronger and the fear of losing his crew and the people he loves still haunts him. He tells the straw hats to meet after 2 years (that's a long fucking time. Like. Longer than the time they've spent together. Imagine the loyalty, damn). And it's... It's so beautifully written. The 3D2Y scene is one of my favorites because it shows the loyalty and love they have for each other, and how Luffy is willing to become stronger for the people he loves and the ones he has lost along the way. I literally have the tattoo. I am obsessed with the whole concept.

As I said, Luffy's abandonment issues and the fact that he wants to become stronger to never lose anybody again (Savior complex much?) still remain even after his character development. Because that's not something you get rid of. That's just how he is. And I think that, as long as he is with the straw hats, it won't be a problem.

Also I wanted to mention his reunion with Sabo! The guilt he feels for losing Ace? The way he clings onto his older brother as if they were going to take Sabo away from him? They're extremely codependent and I am here for it, honestly. Sabo would die for Luffy and Luffy would kill him if he did that. Also, I don't know where the fuck Sabo is now because I'm only watching Wano but I swear to God if something happens to him I will murder somebody with my bare hands. :)

Oh! And then it comes my favorite arc of all the show: Whole Cake Island (to the surprise of literally no one!). Luffy, in the beginning, is extremely optimistic when it comes to rescuing Sanji. He's simple like that. "If he doesn't want to get married, we rescue him. If he wants to get married, he just brings his wife with us!". And if Sanji didn't want to come back to them (truly not wanting to) he would accept it. But Sanji wants to. Luffy knows Sanji wants to go back to the Sunny with them. He knows Sanji isn't being true to himself. And God, he's desperate. Because Sanji is stubborn and his self-sacrificing and deprecating thoughts are even stronger than Luffy's, and he won't give up until Luffy lets him go. But Luffy doesn't want to fight him, he just wants his cook back. Because he knows that, no matter how much harm he does to him, Sanji is only doing it to himself (one of my favorite quotes from OP). So, Luffy goes again through the desperation of not losing a crewmate, but losing one of his wings. Without Sanji, Luffy can't become the king of the pirates. He's willing to die from starvation for him. Are you- Are you all aware that he almost fucking dies from starvation? I don't think we talk about that enough because what the actual fuck. There's this thing they tell Luffy (I don't remember exactly when or the exact phrasing) about him wanting Sanji back out of selfishness and not because of Sanji's well-being and... I partially agree? Don't get me wrong, Luffy does everything here for Sanji because he knows Sanji is suffering and lying to himself. But Luffy is selfish, too. Luffy doesn't want Sanji to go away because he loves him. That's his cook. He doesn't want to lose anybody else, even less knowing that they're going to be unhappy. That's kind of for me the confirmation of Luffy's abandonment issues. Like- He does everything for his crew, of course, but he's so scared of losing them. Then Sanji comes back to them, of course, and they have their own Pride and Prejudice moment. Not even Jane Austen can write shit like this.

I kind of want to talk about Wano but I haven't finished it yet (I'm like, on episode 1056) but I would like to mention how beautiful it is for Luffy to carry Ace's soul and promises like that. And also the responsibility he carries during the whole arc to save Wano? That's so- It's so fucked up. He's such a good leader and captain and everything I said in this post and all the things he does in Wano show that he will become the king of the pirates. I love him so damn much. I can't even write it down properly.

Anyway, summarizing everything: Luffy has a lot of abandonment issues and a savior complex that becomes unhealthy to the point of sacrificing himself and always carrying the burdens of everyone else. Because he fears he might lose his loved ones if he isn't strong enough. So. You know. It would be great if people stopped saying he's just childish and fun and that he doesn't have any character depth because he's probably the most complex shonen protagonist I've ever seen! He has suffered so damn much it hurts! Live Laugh Love Luffy! <3

[batbux]

Bats usually keep an eye on large gatherings in Gotham, but in this case Bruce literally can't pay them enough to do their jobs.

---

In Gotham, large gatherings are always risky business. With half a dozen big name rogues with half a dozen screws loose, things can get out of hand FAST.

So yes, forgive Bruce if he likes having at least two bats or birds on the scene when people group together and make themselves easy targets.

His rag-tag group of children, adult or otherwise, usually agree with him. But in this case-

"I'm not going out of my way to help anti-gay protestors," Tim says before Bruce even let's himself think about which of his partners in anti crime he would like at his back. "I'm the one that green-lit the Wayne Enterprises gay agenda that they're protesting."

"That's... Fair."

And it was! Bruce was hardly going to force his bisexual son to save people that would tear him down if given half the chance. He'd demanded far too selflessness of Tim already.

It was just... No one else was volunteering either.

---

Dick, alerted by Tim about the group of anti-gay protestors planning their little event on Facebook, takes one look at Bruce approaching and shakes his head.

"I've heard what they said about my baby brother," he cautions before Bruce can say anything.

Tim, out and secure in his identity, doesn't care what any civilians have to say about him. Dick, deeply angry and protective, cares very much what slander people sling at his little brother.

Bruce, understanding that maybe his eldest was getting better about managing his anger, but deeply unwilling to test his resolve, nods and backs away.

---

Damian is his next choice, though he doesn't hold very high hopes for him either.

"Father, I will not be responsible for the safety of fools willingly endangering themselves," Damian says, reasonably and Bruce is glad to hear it. He has a whole speech about protecting civilians even if they act in defiance of their own safety. It's blown to pieces when Damian explains further. "I've already taken the liberty of inviting Jon and his paramour to heckle them."

"No metas in Gotham," Bruce says before his brain can catch up to his mouth. "This is already a tense situation and-"

"No metas in Gotham," Damian repeats, pitching his voice lower as he mocks his father. "What do you propose Duke is, Father?"

This is an argument he isn't willing to have. Not right now. He puts a pin in it and reaches out to Jon to politely request that he doesn't make an appearance at the protest. Jon concedes in exchange for his permission to come to Gotham's pride event next week. Bruce gives it under the stipulation that Jon and Jay let him give them a full primer on Gotham rogues and how to counter them.

---

Stephanie is somehow warned in advance and texts him before he can reach out to her.

"sorry not sorry, if doctors in Texas can choose to let people die then so can I. ask someone else to help w your homophobe problem"

Bruce wants to point out that is a gross simplification of the fraught political state of Texas. He also wants to point out that they are nowhere near Texas.

He wonders about the feasibility of sponsoring abortion access and trans healthcare in another state if only because it is GENUINELY funny when bigots with talk shows get into a tizzy over Brucie Wayne.

He lets the thought lie for the moment.

---

Duke hears him out, at least, before telling him that he's really sorry, B, but he's gonna be sick that day. It's all very sad, has he tried to talk to Jason?

---

Cass looks at him. He looks at her. They both know she won't be his backup.

---

He hates to say it, but Jason WAS his last choice in this situation. Not for lack of trust or faith in his abilities, but because-

"I'm asking Aunt Harley to have Poison Ivy start a pollen induced gay orgy," he says bluntly when Bruce asks if Jason would be busy on the day of the protest.

"At the-"

"At Wayne Enterprises, for the protest. Yes. Stay away if you value your heterosexuality, old man."

Bruce, remembering his college days and the types of things he's gotten up to in his own time, doesn't correct his son. Revealing that his father was intimately familiar with gay sex isn't a conversation Bruce ever wanted to have with Jason. Or anyone else.

Bruce, wisely, lets the police handle the protest.

[mr-damian-s-power]

Long ask ahead cause the things you said in your latest post are genuinely crazy 💀

First of all, you keep pointing out how witch/boiling isles society is so violent and so bad to their children as if humans arent the same?? Would you srs tell me that human society isnt awful to kids and that they arent also mistreated, not just individually but societally? Anything that happens in the demon realm, the human one also does in some way and neither is worse than the other. Belos himself straight up comes from a violent human group that used to hang women based on supersticions and nowadays, things arent that much better. I wont give any examples of irl events but it shouldnt be hard for you to think of some. The BI has its awful ppl and bad societal tendencies, humans do too so any argument that smh they are worse than us is just extremely laughable.

Second of all, we were literally shown that Belos was part of the reason why current BI society has issues. Society was more peaceful in Elsewhere and Elswhen and another very easy example is the scene in "Thems the breaks" where Terra, violent witch hired by Belos and put in the highest position, goes against child safety laws that Bump, another witch, brings up. Almost as if Belos, the bigot, purposefully used the worst of witch society to oppress the rest and encourage violence as the standard that gives you high positions (and ofc there would be bad ppl in witch society, every society does, human included) Almost as if some of it is the influence of the violent HUMAN bigot and not the isles being like that inherently or since the begining.

And lastly, even if the isles had a complicated history of war and conflicts which they most likely did cause every society, human or not has had such things, an outsider going there and dishing out "justice" isnt right in any way esp when hes one of the reasons for militarizing and worsening things by being a dictator and spending 400 years colonizing them. Belos, who decided to do this shit cause he was marinating in religious fanaticism and falsely said that witches are going after humans simply cause his brother made a choice to leave with one. Belos straight up kills humans who dont agree with his fanaticism and you gonna tell me he has a head on his shoulders that can decide if a whole nation should be erased just like that when hes the one who went there and colonized them eventho they werent bothering humans at all. The demon realm has existed for thousands of years without giving a single FUCK about the humans. Belos is a liar who was on a selfish quest to prove that hes right and you are here saying you wouldnt have felt bad if a "culture of killers" was eradicated.

By that logic, all of humanity should also die cause we arent better to our children, so many of us are violent and awful, every country on this planet commits at least one human rights violation at all times and persecutes at least one group through its laws and societal attitudes (and im being generous, its far more than one everywhere) Idk by what standard do you think witches are smh worse when its a human who went there and recruited the worst ppl in their society to do his bidding cause thats how awful dictatorships and cults work.

That doesnt mean everyone should die, do you realize how you sound when you say "genocide is bad BUT-"? That sentence should never include BUT esp when you are being extremely hypocritical in how you view witch society, acting like its worse than human one and falsely branding it as society of killers when so many of its current issues was Belos' violence coming into play.

And the irony is that, while the BI has its issues like every society esp one that was made worse by its leader who holds absolute divine power over these ppl, they are still more progressive than humans in many ways. No patriarchy, no homophobia, no transphobia. Humans come with every issue that witch society has ON TOP of the things I just listed.

I appreciate you being more civil this time around, but I'd like if you didn't put words in my mouth. I never for a second acted like Humans were in any way better than Witches. I am well aware that Humanity can show its evil side and turn people into monsters. I wasn't at all downplaying what real people have done.

Yeah, I was reminded that a lot of Witch society's issues were brought around by Belos, but the fact they paint the Isles in the Savage Ages as some sort of perfect utopia feels disingenuous to me. Reminds me too much of those Avatar films where the blue Aliens are a near-perfect society who live on a planet where all their needs have been met and are spiritually connected to the planet, where we are then supposed to hate the Humans who have had to persevere in a vicious environment. But we're not here to talk about that!

My original talking point was about how the Isles become 'neutered' with time. At first, it's this hostile land of monsters, where the very environment is out to kill you. It rains acid! Furniture is alive and will eat people. It would make sense that Witch society would turn out hardy and a bit apathetic, but they ignore that. Later in the series, like you said, child protection laws get brought up. Why would this world have that? Bump didn't step in to stop Boscha's bullying due to it 'not being fatal'.

Instead, all the blame is placed on Belos. Belos is the source of almost all evil in the Isles. Him getting revealed to be a Human then just feels, to me at least, like taking the blame off of the Witches. It feels just a touch preachy to me. Witch society was this perfect utopia with no racism, or sexism, or homophobia or anything negative until that mean Human showed up.

See, why couldn't the show have focused on this? How a society was brainwashed into thinking these things are fine? They weren't perfect in the past, but Belos brought out the worst in all of them and made them think they needed to be this to survive or to appease the Titan or whatever. You know, cult stuff!

And I know, I shouldn't have used such harsh language or labelled them as a 'culture of killers' due to the examples we're given. No culture or people is 'evil', and genocide should never be a solution.

[juukeboxx]

Bayverse!Leo Headcanons

Hi everyone!

I'm back at it again with the Bayverse headcanons, and this time we have the fearless leader in blue Leo. I've been thinking about these movies more and more often since one of my friends watched them for the first time. I know that this version of Leo isn't everyone's favorite and I honestly think the writer's did his character dirty in Out of the Shadows so I really wanted to sit and write out some headcanons to do him a bit justice. I hope you enjoy!

Warnings: Mentions of insomnia, anxiety and anxiety attacks, slight spoilers for the movies if you haven't seen them

Word count: 657

Leo is a pretty big fan of puzzles. When Splinter would go to the surface for supplies he would sometimes come home with a puzzle that was dumped behind one of the toy stores. He would either do them by himself or with Donnie.

Game shows are his bread and butter. Growing up there were specific game shows he would watch with each of his brothers. He would watch Jeopardy with Donnie, Press Your Luck with Raph, and any sort of music based game show with Mikey.

They still watch game shows together regularly.

Surprisingly, Leo wasn't a super big fan of tea at first. Splinter let him try a sip when he was a kid and called it "dirt water." Now he drinks it all the time.

His favorite is green tea with a bit of honey, but he also enjoys a good Earl Grey or chai tea.

He only has one mug that he uses for tea. It's a mug Mikey had made and gifted him when they were kids and he has used it almost everyday since.

Leo has never been a fan of anything too sweet. His favorite candy growing up though was M&M's.

Loves, loves, loves music. Growing up Splinter found them a radio and the boys were SO EXCITED. Leo would listen to it for hours and hours.

Because of this (outside of his meditation, he likes to have complete silence so he can focus) Leo will have some sort of music playing in the background.

Leo has a really nice singing voice but would rather walk on hot coals than be caught singing.

He sometimes finds it hard to partake in or share hobbies with his younger brothers. Ever since they went to the surface for the first time (against their father's wishes I'm sure) he's constantly trying to look out for and protect his family. It's hard to partake in hobbies when you have to constantly remain vigilant.

Leo sometimes thinks that he is the one that is solely responsible for the safety of his family. So when big (sometimes life changing) decisions come his way he gets scared and acts rash.

Leo can definitely be a blockhead sometimes. He sometimes oversteps boundaries by using his authority, not only as the leader of the group but also as the eldest brother. It's in these moments when he needs a big piece of humble pie.

He's got a bit of insomnia. Leo was never sleep adverse like Donnie was, but after saving the world twice and working with the NYPD Leo is under more pressure than usual and it's taking a bit of a toll on his mental health.

Leo's anxiety was much worse as a kid and because of this he was an anxious puker. He's learned to cope with his anxiety over the years but sometimes when a particular patrol goes the wrong way or someone gets hurt that's when he starts to revert back to those behaviors.

He didn't have too many anxiety attacks as a kid and doesn't have too many now that he's older but they do creep in every now and then.

Leo tries really hard to be a good big brother, and when he looks back on his poor leadership and the way he was a bad brother in Out of the Shadows he genuinely feels terrible. Sometimes he doesn't know what to say to his brothers so he tries to give it some time before he tries to give an apology.

Sometimes it's hard for him not to think that he hasn't failed his siblings as their oldest brother. He thinks about all the times he's had an argument with Raph or the times when he's shot down Donnie's ideas as fast as a bullet or when he calls Mikey an idiot and he cringes so hard. He beats himself up over it sometimes.

Leo strives to be a better older brother.

[sentientgopro]

My parents are currently trying to figure out a way for me to not have to share a bedroom with my brother, to the extent of considering a room in the garden. I said its probably just not worth it, Ive managed living in the room with him for many years, Im sure I can make do for another year and a half, and she said to me "You can't just put your life on hold like that for a year and a half until you move out". And she has no clue that had an entirely different meaning to me.

Yes, I DO have to put my life on hold until I move out, in a much more severe and damaging way than she realises, because of her transphobic ass.

But regardless of the twat saying it and the irrelevant context, I've been dwelling on those words. Its already getting kinda difficult a month into cracking doing nothing. Ive still got about another 20 to go before I even START transitioning and thats far from an instant problem fix, isn't it.

And I already wanted to think more in detail about how it will go when they inevitably find out, but this has presented a nice opportunity to think about it a bit more. My Dad will be absolutely pissed, plain and simple, to the extent that I'd have to make sure he finds out from a long distance for my own safety. He's gotten very aggressive over alot less. My mother, on the other hand, is a much more complex question.

She's the only one I've really ever talked to about issues (particularly issues relating to Dad, as well as mental issues), shes a psychologist so she kinda has a bit of idea what shes talking about. and she has said, on many occasions, that she thinks I'm very emotionally intelligent. She thinks I know myself very well. So if I told her about something I know she fundamentally disagrees with, will she just forget all that?

The thing is, she's been locked into conservative beliefs, but she can be reasoned with. One example was of a general discussion over the existance of gender dysphoria and validity of trans people, and I convinced her that gender dysphoria is real, there are scientific explanations behind why trans people feel the way they do. And she cannot find an argument against me so she resorts to "Okay, people like that exist, but I think most just do it because they think its trendy" cool, an entirely unmeasurable, impossible to back up claim that I cant even outright disprove so it pretty much ends up as her being right because she just knows better apparently. But, up to outright convincing her to change her beliefs, she can be reasoned with.

And besides, if Im so emotionally intelligent, surely I should belong to the group of people who aren't faking it, by her logic?

Honestly, if she was just outright never going to accept me like him, itd be easier. But the fact that theres a genuine question here makes it so difficult. Like, her helping cover for me and keep it a secret from my Dad and Brother while I start HRT is a genuine, possible outcome. Its also very unlikely.

But, if I could convince her Im not making it up, which should work in theory, and if she holds the belief that I can't just put my life on hold, its a forseeable outcome. And I don't know how I feel about that.

(Short bit of context for the next bit) One of my Sixth Form teachers has gotten extremely ill, we don't know the details but basically, hes disappearing for a while and we dont know if hes ever coming back. He is the ONLY member of staff in the school capable of teaching the subject. So, my mother arranged a meeting with the head to ask what happens next, and raised concerns over my education. In return, the head tried to ignore it by pinning it on me, saying I'm struggling already, and basically turn it around on me as if our only teacher isnt disappearing.

So I tried defending myself in a few ways, one of them being, since the last round of tests, Ive been feeling like, ALOT better, better motivated, to an extent that is affecting me on a day to day basis and making it easier to get work done, so there should be a massive improvement since my last tests. So after the meeting, naturally, my mother wanted to know what it was exactly that changed, and I realised I fucked up. The thing that changed was realising I was trans and realising that, eventually, I could be happy, and I have something to look forward to and work towards. So now shes gonna keep asking and wanting to talk about what it was. She keeps asking to go on a walk and talk about it.

And it keeps making me imagine, far into the walk, after she keeps poking and prodding, just going, "Fuck it, leap of faith". Because the more I dont tell her, the more suspicious shes probably gonna become.

idk, theres no real end point to this. This is more of a vent than figuring out my feelings. Supportive relatives are great, unsupportive relatives suck, but questionable relatives are fucking anxiety provoking. This is nothing new Im discovering here, really, this is a trans experience thats older than time itself. But I've never been a big risk taker, so Ill probably just take the long route and make sure they find out as late as possible.

[sukimas]

also in general people are bad at saying their actual stances on moral issues and sticking to them instead of coming up with justifications that sound worse to a disinterested third party but when you dig into them are somewhat hypocritical.

for example, let's take the bad wizard game. it's generally not a good thing to play the bad wizard game if you are friends with people who are transgender or jewish and who are part of the current cultural zeitgeist; you will likely make these people feel like you do not care about their own personal safety, as you are participating in media created by a person who has shown some animosity to each of these groups. if you are on tumblr dot com, you probably have friends who are part of the current cultural zeitgeist and one of these groups, so it's a good idea not to play it.

this is a fair and convincing argument. however, there are other dimensions to the discourse around the bad wizard game, that are not so well thought out, and may not do a very good job at convincing someone who fits the above descriptors not to play the game.

argument one that isn't very good is using the author of the original work's funding to hate groups. while it is a very bad thing to support someone who donates to hate groups, this is not a particularly uncommon thing, especially among AAA games and media in general; for example, back before the author's bigoted views became known, if one used this argument it would have been unethical to watch the original wizard movies (as the walt disney corporation donates to hate groups). however, there is not a similar amount of focus placed on avoiding other individuals and groups who donate to hate groups (as it is exceedingly difficult to do so in total. though i certainly like to think that i avoid doing such things (though more as a matter of luck than anything else), as i was never a huge fan of the bad wizard books, who knows: nintendo may have donated to japan's LDP without me being aware of it.) therefore, people may find this argument less strong than it would be in a vacuum.

argument two that isn't very good generally stems from a counterargument to the above argument. "i intend to pirate the game, therefore my money will not be going to hate groups" is an argument that works perfectly well as a counter to argument one. the usual counter to this is not, in fact, that you will likely make the people in your life feel unsafe; the most common counter that i've seen is that because the media contains tells of the original author's ideology, that players may be influenced to said ideology by playing it. this is only part of a cluster of arguments that i'll call the "irredeemable media" arguments, but suffice it to say that they generally aren't very consistent with each other (let alone argument one.)

the actual reasoning behind why you shouldn't play the bad wizard game does have a flaw, though: it logically follows from it that if you pirate the bad wizard game and play it completely secretly, it will not harm anyone. this is likely to make people who care about transgender and jewish people extremely uncomfortable; it feels bad that there is a circumstance where it will be completely harmless to enjoy a product that a genuinely awful person had a hand in creating. therefore, people reach for more universal arguments (like arguments one and two), yet undermine the point that they're actually trying to make.

this is a general flaw in most internet ethics arguments: because the true argument against doing something isn't universal (just, well, mostly applicable to almost anyone you encounter on the internet) people are capable of arguing against it. but this is a trick.

"i have trans and jewish friends who are a-ok with me playing the bad wizard game" does not actually counter the argument of "well, the majority of trans and jewish people on the internet will not be a-ok with people who play the bad wizard game, and therefore you will suffer the consequence of people who are not a-ok with it (for extremely understandable reasons) not wanting to be around you anymore, and they may consider you an unsafe person to be around in general."

just because someone can give you a singular counterexample to a good argument does not mean that that is not a good and true argument to use. it's always better to argue from the perspective of truth rather than the perspective that will convince the most people, because if people realize you are not being truthful they will not be convinced by the latter method, and may not listen to future arguments you make on ethics.

tl:dr; make good arguments for your points for once in your miserable life

[tenthgrove]

Yandere Bruno squad headcanons perhaps :0?

Yandere Team Buccelati

Content Warnings: Yandere behaviour, stalking, abduction

A/N: Apologies, but I've decided that I'm not really comfortable writing under 18s as yandere characters, so I'll just be doing Buccialati, Abbacchio and Mista for this one. Extra warning that this is really bad (I'm particularly not happy with Mista's section) because I wrote this late at night and didn't know what I was saying as I wrote it, so double apologies for that.

Bruno Buccelati

In spite of his occupation, Bruno has no qualms befriending the civilian population of Naples and doing good for them. He holds a profound pity for the victims of organised crime, and is eager to help where he can. So when you approach him on the street, asking for help with ridding yourself of a creepy stranger who had made it his business to follow and harass you, Bruno is quick to ensure your would-be stalker never looks your way again.

Although Bruno saw to it that you were escorted home safely, he can't help but feel some well-intentioned worry for your well-being over the coming days. He checks in on you again, which you find to be very sweet, but as the days pass by again his worry returns. Continuing to visit you would seem odd, he knows, but surely there's no harm in asking Narancia to check through your window once in a while?

At first it really is just concern for your safety, but after a while, Bruno is forced to accept that he is genuinely infatuated with you. His feelings are far too strong to simply sweep under the rug, and approaching you the normal way could put you in danger, provided it even works. He isn't going to kidnap you, that would leave him no better than the thugs he chases off of the streets, but to make you his he's going to resort to something unorthodox.

Bruno makes a few preparations. He does a few favours for your friends and family- gotta make sure they're on his side, He also checks his intel into the area's rival street gangs, since it can't hurt to have a hint of truth to the story he's going to tell. Then, armed with a few empty suitcases and a fake look of concern, he heads to your house late one night.

He announces to you that one of the rival gangs in the area has singled you out as a target for trafficking, and because of your previous interactions with him, they're dead set on taking you. Bruno assures you not to worry and helps you pack away your things, promising that you will be safe in his care while the issue with the gang is sorted out. You'll be staying in his house, of course. It's best he's right on call in case anyone tries to come after you.

Your new life in Bruno's house is a strange one. You cannot leave the house of course, except for the occasional short trip with him or his men to stop your mental health from suffering, but your internet access is unrestricted, you can call your family as much as you want, and you're allowed to buy anything you'd like with your money (or better, have him buy it for you). You have your own room, but Bruno often asks to come in and sit with you late at night. It's all for your comfort, of course.

After a couple of months, Bruno's excuses to keep you longer will start to run out as you start to wonder why he hasn't eliminated the street gang yet. The hope is that by this point, you would have already fallen for Bruno's charm and started to love him, but barring this, he'll simply buy more time by making up more reasons why it's unsafe for you to go home.

But, if all else fails, and you begin to insist on leaving... well, Bruno didn't want to do this, but he can't just let you go. You're locked in your room, windows barred as Bruno explains to you calmly that this is all for your own good. You can come out any time you want, Amore. All you have to do is promise to stay.

Leone Abbacchio

Despite his occasionally cold demeanour, Abbacchio is no stranger to the want for companionship and affection. In fact, it's fair to say he needs it, and that going so long without tenderness has left him empty, miserable and disillusioned. But it's only a matter of time before somebody reawakens his need for warmth.

Both of you were having a bad day. You were downtrodden and lamentful, and as sad people tend to do together, you shared your angsts together as you sat at the bus stop, neither of you caring that this was the first time you'd even seen each other.

Abbacchio does not want the conversation to end. So when the bus arrives, he gets a ticket to your stop instead, and sits with you, continuing to talk. He is sad when you say goodbye. He knows he needs to see you again. He thinks nothing of lingering to see which street you turn onto as you walk home.

Abbacchio gets to work right away. He needs to have you, but cannot see you ever falling for someone like him. Not through normal means instead. His thoughts turn to abduction, but the image of you begging and crying as he drags you to his car saddens him. He knows he could never hurt you that badly. He needs to find a half-way point, between force and natural love.

The first thing he does, once his mind is made up, is go to your boss. Using Passione's name, he quickly convinces them to fire you without any question as to why. It is a similar story with your landlord a few days later. Any friends or relatives who might take you in are also sent a warning phone-call.

You know full-well what has happened. You knew at the time your one-time companion on the bus was a mafioso, his story made that clear. You beat yourself up every minute for not avoiding him then and there. And now, as misfortune after misfortune strikes you, everyone who bears you bad news has the same white-haired stranger to speak of. When, on your first night on the streets, a tall figure approaches you from the black car, you do not feel any surprise.

Both you and Abbacchio know what he is here for, so he does not explain much. He sombrely instructs you to get in the car if you don't want to be stuck on the streets any longer, promising that he will not do you any harm if you comply. He has already struck out every other option for possibly helping yourself. You have little choice but to go with him.

You do not expect much when you arrive at Abbacchio's house, but instead you find all your old possessions lined up for you to decorate your room with. After quickly explaining where the bathroom is and which foods from the kitchen are free for taking, he goes to bed, advising that you do the same. You are completely, and utterly perplexed.

Abbacchio forces little conversation on you in the early weeks. Most of the time, he is out doing work, leaving you with free reign of his house. Soon, you do not feel at all as though you were forced to be here. You dare say your life is better here than it was before. Abbacchio's friends occasionally visit, making sure that Leone isn't mistreating you and you're fully happy here. Eventually, Abbacchio relents to letting you reopen communications with your friends. You cannot say you have anything to complain about.

The only question, is what Abbacchio ever wanted from you. It's so strange how he went to all these lengths to take you only to largely ignore you. The truth is, he's waiting for you to open up to him of your own free will. As he lies in bed alone at night, he dreams of you coming into his room, asking if he can hold you for a minute.

Mista

Guido Mista has dated a few times in the past, and he isn't interested in letting Passione stop him from continuing. It doesn't matter how you met him, just that after a few encounters you began to date, and were very happy with your new beau. You worked well together, what else is there to say?

But after your second date, Buccialati received word of your existence and was concerned. He isn't exactly going to force you to stop dating, Mista is an adult after all and can do as he pleases. But Buccelati wants to make sure you know what you're getting into.

Paying you a visit, Buccelati explains to you that your new boyfriend is involved with the mafia, and continuing to see him will involve certain risks. He is happy for you to take these risks, so long as you are aware of their existence. You thank him for him time, and immediately proceed to shut off all communication with Mista without explanation.

After a brief shouting match with Buccelati once Mista realises what he's done, he marches over to your house to plead with you to take him back. You stand your ground, that Mista lied to you and you refuse to be involved with criminals, but Mista isn't giving up.

The argument escalates. You slam the door in his face. Mista goes home and despairs. You were the best he's ever had, and now he's supposed to accept that you're just... gone?! No... all you need is a little more time. Mista turns right around and heads back to your house. This time, he isn't letting up for anything.

It goes much further than he intended. In a split-moment of instinct, Mista draws his gun and threatens you into letting him in. He really didn't mean to scare you like that, but his emotions are running high right now and he doesn't know how else to make you listen.

So, here you are now, a hostage in your own home, because your barely boyfriend couldn't let you go. In the ultimatum the two of you made after he threatened you, you ended up agreeing not to leave the house at all for the time since he was scared you'd try to run.

Mista doesn't stay with you all the time, but he visits you daily to bring you things and try to repair the relationship. To his credit, he hasn't threatened you at all since the initial incident and seems to regret it intently, but forgiving him is difficult after what he did.

Your commitments are mysteriously all taken care of, your boss inexplicably granting you a long period of furlough at full pay. Buccelati wasn't kidding when he said the group Mista was part of was powerful. You shudder to think of what else he could do.

[a-dragons-journal]

Hi! I was scrolling through the otherkin tag (as one does) and saw on an ask you answered that you hated DNIs and didn’t want to go into it on that ask. So I’m curious now- why do you hate DNIs? I don’t have a DNI, and I’m not out to try and change your mind. I’ve just never seen anyone say outright that they didn’t like DNIs, so I’d really like to hear your thoughts. Thanks!

I ended up indeed going into it later, because people kept sending in asks about it, so this tag exists now, but in summary:

- I don't necessarily hate the existence of DNIs, because they can be a useful tool in certain circumstances, but I hate that they're starting to become an expectation/requirement and that it's now considered "creepy/suspicious" in a growing number of communities to not have one. It should not be an obligation to basically list your political stances, discourse opinions, and triggers - you know, things you can be attacked for/people can use to hurt you - in any circumstance, least of all on the Internet where anyone can see it.

- For that matter, putting a list of things that can hurt you in public where anyone can see it and know exactly how to target you if they want to hurt/harass you is a bad idea, whether it's a social requirement or not. Full stop. Unless you are in a relatively small group where you know the intentions of the people there (and often not even then!), it is not a good idea to tell people how to effectively hurt you on the Internet.

- I hate it when people put "[x bigoted group] DNI" at the bottom of actual discussion-type content posts (as opposed to, like, aesthetics and stuff), such as people putting "TERFs DNI" at the bottom of posts about feminism, because a) if you're worried about your post appealing to that group, maybe you should reexamine your post's content, b) I've seen firsthand more than once that those groups, TERFs especially, will purposely put "[x] DNI" at the bottom of their crypto-rhetoric posts in order to turn people's critical thinking skills off and make them more likely to accept the crypto rhetoric (foot-in-the-door tactic), and c) even if it's not intentionally malicious like the last point, it still makes it so the OP's post is suddenly immune to criticism, because "hey this comes off a little transphobic" can be met with "how dare you call me a transphobe?? I said 'TERFs DNI' right there!!1!", which, again, has to do with the whole "turning people's critical thinking skills off" problem.

- On a similar note, I hate this recent trend toward performative activism and "racists/transphobes/homophobes/etc. DNI!1!" feels like another permutation of that; I don’t like people demanding/expecting me to announce all my political opinions right out the gate. It should be my decision whether or not I want to share sensitive information about myself (and if you’re scoffing at the idea of a political opinion being “sensitive information” - if it can get you, again, harassed and attacked by a complete stranger, it’s sensitive information).

- People seem to forget that people can, will, and do lie on their DNIs and bios. Predators will lie about being "under 18” in order to make minors they’re interacting with feel safe and let their guard down. TERFs will lie about “transphobes DNI!” to ensure their crypto rhetoric spreads and gets a foot in the door of trans-supporting people’s thought processes. All “it’s to let the people affected by [bigotry] know I’m safe,” which is something I hear sometimes, really means is that the bigot in question only has to put up a DNI to make the people they’re planning to target lower their guard. There is nothing guaranteeing that someone actually believes what their DNI implies they believe. It’s an illusion of safety that just doesn’t - and, really, can’t - exist on the internet, by the internet’s nature. And people thinking they’re safer than they really are is what gets people hurt because they stopped being careful. I’m not saying people need to (or should) live in fear, but relying on DNIs is not a sustainable solution, imho.

- I hate people using DNIs/BYFs as an alternative to blocklists because it often becomes essentially them forcing other people to curate their internet experience for them, and then getting mad (or hurt) when that doesn't work out for reasons that should be obvious. Especially when you take it to the extreme of trying to regulate anyone who reblogs your posts, which I have seen sometimes - you can't seriously expect people to check the OP of every single person whose post they reblog to make sure they agree with your opinions on fandom discourse; that's untenable and it can only lead to people getting hurt. You are the only person who is - and the only person who can be - responsible for your internet experience. Curate your own space.

- as a minor point, "standard DNI criteria" is becoming a popular phrase and it's frankly a useless phrase because there's no such thing. Beyond "racists/homophobes/transphobes" there's literally no telling what a given person includes in what's "standard" - pro- or anti-ship? SFW agereg/petreg blogs? DDLG? Steven Universe fans? inclusionists or exclusionists? There is no "standard." (But then, I feel like how common that phrase is becoming says something about exactly how performative and empty the trend of DNIs is as a whole at this point in time.)

- also as a minor point, I am frankly just not a fan of how often DNIs put things like "Steven Universe fan" and "neonazi" right next to each other like they're the same level of bad. I recognize consciously that this is not the intention, but it sure does come off that way sometimes. It reminds me a bit too much of those callout posts that have six pages about the person's bad opinions on anime or whatever and only then go "oh yeah and also they sexually abused, threatened, and sent their friends to harass a minor and we have screenshot evidence of all of that. anyway here's three more pages about why their art is bad because they drew a 16-year-old in a crop top one time".

And, let me be very clear here: I do not hate people who have DNIs, nor do I want to act like they're never useful. They are, sometimes! But I do feel they're being misused and they're starting to become an expectation and that's a huge problem, for the same reason that people trying to force everyone to put their age/basic personal information in their bios is a problem - it's a safety concern. I am honestly convinced that at this point, in most circumstances, DNIs are doing more harm than good.

If you want to use a DNI, that's up to you, and it's not like I'm gonna harass people about it ('s why I started that "dni critical" tag, so people could who don't want to read this stuff could avoid it) - but I want people to at least understand the risks they're taking depending on how they go about it. If it's useful to you, then good, I'm genuinely glad! It just concerns me how it's being treated by the larger Internet right now.

(And, of course, that's all just my personal subjective opinion - take what you like, leave what you don't. You're more than welcome to disagree with me; this is not a make-or-break argument for me, just one I have strong feelings about xD)

[an-optimist-prime]

Darling, feel better love

A Buddie 9-1-1 Fanfic

Summary: Eddie catches himself before he can say something he’ll regret, and sighs. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap. You just worried us. You worried me.”

“Come on, it’s not that bad,” Buck says, obviously trying to lighten the mood. “The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That’s where all the blood is supposed to be.”

-

Or, Buck gets injured (again) and it forces Eddie to confront his feelings for Buck.

Word Count: 2270

Rating/Warnings: T, N/A

AO3 Link

*

Eddie absolutely hates hospital waiting rooms.

More specifically, he hates how useless they make him feel. There’s nothing to do but patiently, and anxiously, wait for further news on Buck’s condition after his latest accident.

Buck’s doctor had been out about an hour earlier. He’d reassured them all Buck was stable, and while it would take time, he would in fact recover. It was a massive relief, but still, Eddie couldn’t quell the need to see Buck and assess his injuries for himself.

It’s the seventh time Buck has been in hospital in just under three years. And that’s just in the time Eddie’s known him. Based on the stories he’s heard from Bobby and Maddie, he’s always been disaster prone.

This latest injury had happened while they were on call to a building fire. In typical Buck fashion, he’d disobeyed a direct order to evacuate, deciding instead to do one last sweep of the floor he was on.

That, of course, was when the floor collapsed beneath him.

They’d barely had time to pull Buck out, battered and broken, before the rest of the building collapsed.

Eddie’s not too much of a man to admit that the whole situation had scared the shit out of him. As soon as he’d realised that Buck had not followed him out, cold dread seized him. It was only compounded by the dead silence when Eddie tried to raise him on the radio.

While it had only taken them a few minutes to find Buck and pull him out, for Eddie it had felt like hours. When Buck emerged lifeless and unnaturally still, it was like Eddie's heart had stopped, and only started again when Hen had said there was still a pulse.

Although, if Eddie’s being honest, the accident itself didn’t really surprise him. Buck has a habit of being a self-sacrificing idiot, with no regard for himself or his own safety. But if Buck keeps on this road, keeps doing things like this, there’s a real chance that it’ll kill him.

And Eddie isn’t sure how he’d survive that.

He’d grown used to being alone, given that for so long it’d been just him and Christopher. But then came Buck, who’d somehow managed to worm his way into their lives and carve out a space in his heart since pretty much day one.

Eddie isn’t sure at what point he fell in love with Buck, but in hindsight it’s painfully obvious.

And it tears him up, that Buck almost died, and he’s never told him how he feels. Because Buck deserves to know. Buck deserves to have someone brave enough to tell him.

Most of all, Buck deserves to have someone he wants back.

Because honestly, Eddie is pretty sure that Buck doesn’t feel the same way he does. After all, Buck gives 100% to everyone he cares about, and lives with his heart on his sleeve. Eddie’s also heard enough about Buck 1.0 to know that if Buck wanted him that way, he’d know by now. But throughout their friendship, Buck has never shown any inclination that he feels the same way.

The last thing Eddie wants to do is make his best friend uncomfortable, and ruin what they’ve managed to build together. So, he pushes it down, determined to move on.

But, every now and again, there’ll be a moment. A moment where their eyes will meet across a scene, or they’ll be watching a movie and Buck will lean into him. In those moments, Eddie thinks there might be a chance that Buck feels something more .

Needless to say, Eddie feels torn.

Eddie’s thoughts are interrupted by a nurse, speaking to the assembled group in the waiting room.

“Family of Evan Buckley?” the nurse asks. He’s not the only one there. Maddie’s there, of course, along with Chim and Bobby. Both Athena and Hen had been there earlier as well, but had to leave. “You can see him now. Don’t stay for too long though, he needs rest.”

They all follow the nurse through to Buck’s room.

His skin is pale and he looks completely exhausted, but he’s alive, and that’s all that matters. Buck instantly perks up the moment he sees them, his eyes lighting up as they file in.

“Hey guys,” Buck says, his voice raspy. There are no words for how much relief it fills him with, to see Buck alive and well enough to speak. The perpetual ache in his chest abates slightly, and Eddie hangs back as the others rush forward.

Maddie rushes straight to his bedside, quickly wrapping her little brother into a fierce hug.

“Hey,” Chim greets, perching on the end of the bed. “How’s our favourite disaster magnet feeling?”

“I’m the favourite?” Buck replies, always first out the gate with deprecating humour.

“Who else would it be?” Chim states. “You should ask them if they have a frequent flyer program at this hospital. What is this, like your sixth stay in three years?”

“Seventh,” Eddie corrects.

“Seventh?” Buck repeats, as if it’s only just now occurring to him that he’s spent an inordinate amount of time in hospitals over the last few years. After a moment, Buck breaks into a joking smile. “Two more and then the next one's free, right?”

“How about no more?” Maddie suggests as she pulls back slightly, her eyes glassy. Eddie wholeheartedly agrees.

“How about you listen to your sister?,” Bobby says. “Let’s try to avoid hospital stays in future.”

“Okay,” Buck says, and Eddie knows this is the closest thing they’ll get to a promise in regards to this. “Seriously though, I’m fine. The doctor thinks I’ll be home in a week or so.”

Even so, Maddie still fusses over him while Chim and Bobby keep up the conversation. Eddie, meanwhile, continues to hang back, trying his absolute best to shove down a conflicting range of emotions, and work out just what he’s going to do about them.

Bobby is the first to leave, obviously relieved to see that Buck is conscious and stable. On his way out, he pauses next to Eddie.

“You’re overthinking it,” Bobby says quietly, so that only Eddie hears. “Just be honest with him. I think you’ll be surprised at how well it goes.”

“Is it that obvious?” Eddie asks, more than a little panicked that he hasn't been hiding it as well as he thought.

Bobby doesn’t respond, instead just giving him a look before he leaves, and it’s answer enough.

If the Captain knows, there’s a not small chance that Hen and Chim know, and probably Athena too. And if Chim knows, then Maddie definitely knows, and Dios, that’s a realisation all of its own.

Eddie hazards a glance to the others. Maddie is too busy with Buck, but Chim notices, and gives him a look as well.

They definitely know.

Eddie barely has any time to come to grips with the fact that his massive crush on his best friend is apparently public knowledge at the firehouse before Chim and Maddie begin to leave as well.

“I’ll be back first thing tomorrow!” Maddie promises, as she and Chim make their way out.

“Looking forward to it!” Buck says, with as much enthusiasm as he can muster.  As soon as she leaves though, Buck deflates, no longer needing to keep up his energetic charade.

Eddie knows that Buck considers himself a burden to others. He sees it in the way that he always puts others first, and how he’ll always try to make others feel better at the expense of himself.

It speaks volumes about how far they’ve come, that Buck is comfortable enough around him to let his walls drop. To be vulnerable.

Eddie takes the spot right next to Buck that Maddie was previously occupying, making a mental note to not stay too long. Buck really does need to rest, but Eddie just needs a bit more time to convince himself he’s really okay.

As he sits, Eddie puts his hand on Buck’s arm, just above his wrist. It’s grounding, to feel his warm skin, a reminder that he’s alive.

“Tell Chris I’m sorry I’ll miss pizza night this Friday.” Buck says, sounding genuinely remorseful.

“I’m sure he’ll understand.” Eddie says, because he will. He’s such a good kid. He’ll bring Chris to visit him in a few days, when Buck has more of his energy back.

It says so much though, about the kind of person that Buck is. Even in a hospital bed, he’s still thinking about others first.

As bad as it sounds, it frustrates Eddie sometimes, seeing just how selfless Buck can be. Like he doesn’t think he’s worth the worry.

And now that he’s seen it for himself, that he knows that Buck’s okay, Eddie starts to get just a little bit angry. He can feel it, how the rage simmers just beneath the surface of his skin.

How could Buck do something so reckless? Does he really not see what it does to others, to those around him? Or does he just not care?

His internal strife must be pretty obvious, because after a moment, Buck asks, “Is everything okay?”

“Really?” Eddie barks out a humourless laugh at the absurdity of the question. “You almost died, Buck.” His voice drops to a hiss, sharper than he intended it to be. He catches himself before he can say something he’ll regret, and sighs. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap. You just worried us. You worried me.”

“Come on, it’s not that bad,” Buck says, obviously trying to lighten the mood. “The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That’s where all the blood is supposed to be.”

And just like that, Eddie’s furious all over again. How can Buck joke about something like this? “Buck—“

“Eddie.”

“This is serious. You can’t just do things like that.”

“What was I supposed to do?” Buck asks, crossing his arms. “I thought I’d heard something, so I went and checked. What if someone was still in there? Am I supposed to just leave them behind?”

Yes, Eddie wants to say, but he knows that Buck is right. He probably would have gone back to check as well. He’s not going to win the argument on this front, so he changes tact.

“You almost died, again,” Eddie repeats, because really, that’s the important part here.

“But I didn’t,” Buck insists.

Eddie sighs again. They’re just going around in circles. He looks down, to where his hand is still holding Buck’s wrist. Now is the time for honesty. How would he have felt, if Buck had died and he never told him just how much he means to him?

But this isn’t about him - if nothing else, Buck should know that somebody loves him, the way he deserves to be.

“You can’t keep doing this, Buck. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Eddie confesses. "I can't lose you.

"You won't." Buck promises, as if he could ever keep a promise like that.

He could take the easy way out, and just leave it there, especially since words so often fail him. But he refuses to back down, this time. Steeling himself, Eddie reaches out to grasp Buck’s hand, twining their fingers together. His skin is rough, calloused from hard work, but the pulse that beats against Eddie’s palm is comforting.

Buck's eyes go wide at the contact.

He meets Eddie's eyes, realisation dawning on his face.

"Oh."

His gaze flicks down to Eddie's lips and back up.

Taking a chance, Eddie leans in, closing the last few inches of distance between them. The kiss is gentle and chaste, but full of promise. Eddie breaks away after a moment, cognizant of Buck’s injured state. But before he can pull away, Buck reaches up with his free hand and pulls him right back in.

Their second kiss is just as good as the first, and Eddie melts into the softness of Buck’s lips against his own.

A pained exhale snaps Eddie back to reality and he reluctantly pulls away. “You’re not well.”

“I’m fine,” Buck says, slightly breathless but not seeming to mind. “Besides, I’ve really been hoping that would happen for a while now.”

“Me too,” Eddie says, heart thrumming in his chest. After a moment, he adds, “Why did you never say anything?”

“I didn’t want to ruin what we had, not when I didn’t know how you felt,” Buck admits. “I know that I have a reputation, and I didn’t want you to think that’s all it was about.”

“I never would have thought that,” Eddie says, his heart clenching at the words. He may not have ever met ‘Buck 1.0’, but in the time he’s known Buck, he’s never been anything less than loyal and selfless. He doesn’t like that Buck thinks he’d judge him for his past. “But, same. About not wanting to ruin it.”

“I love you,” Buck blurts out. “Sorry, I know that’s a lot, really early, but it’s true.”

“It’s okay,” Eddie quickly reassures. “It’s not too much, at all. I love you too.”

Buck lets out a shaky laugh. “God, we’re both idiots.”

“Yeah, we are.” Eddie ducks his head to hide his fond grin. “So what happens now?”

“I’m going to date you so hard.” Buck states, absolutely beaming.

“Well first, how about we work on getting you out of here?” Eddie starts. He can’t seem to pull himself away from Buck, although Buck doesn’t seem to want to let go either. “And then I take you out to dinner?”

“If you insist.”

*

Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed it, please consider leaving a like/kudos or comment, either here or on the Archive (Fic Link).  I’m always up to talk Buddie, 9-1-1 and fandom in general, so please feel free to come chat with me, here on tumblr or on my twitter. Thanks again  ❤️

[fightabear]

so, i just need to shout for a second.

you are allowed to be critical of the media you consume. you should ask how it impacts you.

howver, you aren’t making the internet safer by pushing purity culture. if you care about the safety of minors online, you need to push education about internet safety.  predators lay in wait in general spaces and don’t need problematic content to groom them. in fact, actively pushing the idea that determining whether or not someone is a predator based on whether or not they engage in adult content determines whether or not they’re safe to interact with sets minors up to be uncritical of interactions with people that meet arbitrary safe criteria.

online predators will actively work to blend in to their victims peer group. 

you also need to be critical about where you’re getting your ideas, where they stem from, and who is pushing this agenda. 

please look at what just happened to onlyfans. i saw so many people toting it as a victory for children’s rights, without realizing that the organization behind the campaign against it is one whose primary focus is actually just criminalizing and stamping out all forms sex work. 

your desire to protect children and make the internet a safer space was being used as a weapon against sex workers by an anti-lgbt fundamentalist Christian organization that believes in abstinence only education.  

sorry.

if this had come from a genuine place, it would have sparked a larger conversation that explained to minors the very real danger put themselves in when they bypass the restrictions in place for these sites, the types of predators that could be watching them. not to mention the legal liabilities they open themselves up to as the child is technically committing a crime by producing and sharing this content.  there also would have been time for onlyfans to rework its verification system to make it harder for minors to get into.

instead, sex workers have been thrown out of the platform they built and are being shamed for being upset about it because they aren’t “thinking of the children”.

there is such a stunning lack of education being pushed as to why these things are bad and dangerous  and much more focus about destroying it. children will see this cool forbidden thing and run straight towards it because they don’t know any better, no one has told them not to touch the hot stove. yes, their brains aren’t done developing yet. they are not emotionally or mentally mature yet, they are going to make stupid mistakes - but they make more mistakes and open themselves up to more harm when they don’t understand that they’re in danger or where the danger is coming from.

and this isn’t victim blaming. i was a child online who had to deal with predators. i was the kid who would circumvent neopet’s ‘no offline site contact’ rule to rp with people over AIM. i thought it was stupid! i was grown up and mature, i could handle it, right? i had sooooo many online friends and nothing bad ever happened. i wasn’t even old enough to be on the forum!

then i was thirteen. i had naively added a person on msn thinking they were a fun new friend who was going to give me a rare item on gaia online, only for them to switch on a time when we were in private. they threatened to hack and delete my account unless i got on webcam and got shirtless. i was a lonely child and the internet friends i had were my only friends. i remember crying and my mom walking in the room, not knowing what was happening, and then i used that as a chance to wrest my account back and block and report the guy.

i never told my mom. i thought she’d take away the computer forever and i’d lose my only connection. i just dealt with the shame that this man had seen me shaking and afraid in only my bra. i had nightmares about him telling me to take it off or he’d send the picture to my school friends, since he now had access to my im list. i thought he was my friend. he said he liked my writing. he changed on a dime when we were alone.

when it happened again later, i knew that there was a reason why this 27 year old man kept dming me to tell me i was pretty when i shared pictures in our group chat.  now my school was giving internet stranger danger education, i knew some of what to watch out for and to trust my gut. it made me feel cool for all of ten seconds that this COOL older person praised my writing and thought i was attractive, but it also made me feel uneasy.  the fact that he wouldn’t do this where anyone else could see it bothered me. so, without a trusted adult, i went to the mods of the server and his girlfriend and expressed my discomfort about the conversations that were happening in private. more details came out and he was thrown out from the group chat.

i never see education being brought up in these conversations. never. from either side. the other day i went looking for evidence or studies of some of the arguments i see bandied around the most and found nothing. even in psas for legitimate predators, i never see people passing out education as to how kids can spot the danger signs or take the steps necessary to protect themselves. 

please ask yourself why when we talk about protecting minors online from predators, the normalization of carrds containing every single detail about their personal life when that is essentially a guide for a predator to use to get close to and abuse that child with is not the first thing brought up as a problem that needs to go.

[itsclydebitches]

I’m the tin foil hat anon and I wanted to thank you for the response on my bb submission, you make great points. Although I was frustrated that some of them raised even more questions I didn’t think of myself… UGH… lol the S2 wait is gonna be painful

On the point of crosshair thinking his chip was removed a looong time ago(meaning before bracca or even as early as ep1) it wouldn’t make sense bc of his response to Hunter’s “you tried to kill us, we didn’t have a choice”. He says “and I did?”. So he seems to be aware he couldn’t control himself in all their previous encounters. Does it mean he knows his actions were due to chip then?

And you say crosshair avoiding the “when” question can be due to him not caring if the horrible actions he committed are chip or himself and it’s meant to show that he truly is despicable and evil. It could be the case because he shows absolutely no remorse or regret over slaughtering civilians, never apologizes to his brothers for not only trying to kill them but almost successfully incinerating(!!!) them. On top of that (apparently) without a chip he casually murders his own squad without a blink of an eye right in front of them.

On the other hand, he shows care for Omega’s safety in that episode and wants a better place in the universe for his brothers(even if it’s obviously a mistake). He sounds hurt and betrayed by them yet he still wants what he thinks is best for them. He seemed genuine and sincere in that moment. Even after they refused to join he protected them against the droids. He had multiple opportunities to shoot Hunter or others in the back but never did(and looked like didn’t even consider it). BUT after all of that he decides to raise his gun and try to shoot hunter who already has his gun drawn?! And in front of the whole squad holding him at gun point!!! WTF was he thinking?! WHY? I know they rejected his offer but still. Did his reveal completely change his plans? I just don’t understand. I know he is meant to be “complex and nuanced character with layers” but what a mood swing lmao

As much as I loved and enjoyed the bad batch overall I’m beginning to think that all these inconsistencies aren’t meant to be a crafty set up for next season. What they most likely are is just writers being vague on purpose so they don’t write themselves into a corner.

And as to why the batch and Omega didn’t even try to rescue their brother could just be so that Hunter and Crosshair would have this drama and disagreement at the end. Despite brad rau claiming their argument was over ideological differences. And Jen Corbett saying in that same cursed interview that the batch always love and support each other no matter what because they’re family. Well, I guess not crosshair, he doesn’t count anymore lol

And I agree with you I’d rather see the batch acknowledging they could have done more to try and rescue him than go into the chip details. However, I have a suspicion the real reason or explanation on why they never went back for him isn’t going to be brought up ever. Even *in universe* it simply does not make sense. Just makes me sad seeing how many people also try to come up with explanations. That should have been the writers job to provide something besides Hunter’s “you tried to kill us” bc that’s a weak argument and a total bs since he was SHOCKED to learn crosshair doesn’t have a chip.

Btw sorry for the long posts lol I just found your takes very intriguing

The season two wait is something awful and I only just started it lol. No worries about long asks though! My blog has become quite meta heavy over the years, so this is normal for my inbox. Besides, it’s a bit of a pot and kettle situation. It's not like my answers are particularly concise :D

Okay first, I have the unpopular (?) opinion that Crosshair was never planning to shoot Hunter, partly for the reasons you lay out here. You’re right, it doesn’t make sense, and rather than just accepting that he had that kind of “mood swing" (which would be pretty bad writing based on everything else we've seen) I think it does make sense that this was never his intention at all. Rather, it’s just a setup to make the audience think he’s about to shoot Hunter—that’s the obvious goal of that moment: the shock, drama, confusion, and then relief—but that doesn’t mean that in-universe that was ever Crosshair’s goal, even for just a split second. Omega leaves the pod. Echo, crucially, says that he can’t see her, setting up that Crosshair with his enhanced sight is probably the only one who could. He grabs his rifle off screen and as he does, Hunter leans over the side of the pod as he prepares to jump in, precisely where Crosshair needs to aim to hit Omega. Hunter is in his way. He’s directly in the line of fire, not because Crosshair is aiming for him, but just because that's where Omega is and they're both aiming for her: Crosshair with his rifle, Hunter ready to dive. The little shift Crosshair makes reads to me as him ensuring he doesn’t hit Hunter, despite him being right where he needs to aim, not him full on changing targets.

Even if we choose to read it as him deliberately aiming at Hunter—because yeah, the scene is meant to be ambiguous—I don’t think he, like, meant it meant it. Crosshair, as we’ve seen throughout TBB and TCW, can be pretty antagonistic. He likes to do things to get a rise out of people, like staring at regs until they snap at him, or pushing Rex’s buttons until he swings. If he was choosing to aim at Hunter in that moment, rather than Hunter just being in the way, I think it’s only bravado. Remember the “Don’t make the same mistake twice. Don’t make me your enemy” line? Crosshair has a need to remind others of his skill and power—whether it’s playfully like in TCW, or more seriously in TBB—and that’s likely what this is here. “Hey, Hunter. Look. I got my weapon back. I’ve got you cornered. I’m about to save our sister when you can’t. Remember that I’m good and you need me.” Those feelings of abandonment are tied up in that need to be needed, so when Crosshair is seething at being left behind, brutally showing them how he can get a drop on their leader and doing the thing they can't (save Omega) is a great way to remind them of what they threw away/re-boost his own self-esteem. But none of that means shooting Hunter was ever a real possibility. Because nowhere else do we see Crosshair willingly trying to harm his team. He does while under the chip’s influence, but then he never hurts Hunter when he’s captured. He kills his new team before they can hurt the batch. He helps them fight off the droids. There’s a tussle, but it’s not choreographed like either he or Hunter truly intends harm. Crosshair demonstrates no aggression during the entire escape, willingly gives up his weapon after saving Omega, and just stands there as they leave. If this guy actually wanted to hurt them, he would. Which is more likely, that Crosshair had a split second of real murder intent across two episodes of doing everything possible to help his team, or that this was just a mean bluff?

But personally, I don’t even think it was a bluff. I think the coincidence of Crosshair needing to aim there and Hunter already being there is just meant to imply an attack for the audience, not imply that Crosshair, in-universe, ever intended to hurt him, even for just a second. If he had, he wouldn’t look so surprised and sad when he realizes the others are pointing their weapons at him. If he was out to shoot Hunter, even if only for a moment, seeing his brothers come to his defense would be expected; a given. But if he only ever intended to save Omega, then seeing their weapons trained on him would produce the emotions we saw: shock that they’d turn on him and then severe disappointment. From Crosshair’s perspective, he didn’t do anything wrong and never intended to do wrong either. Hence, looking away in disbelief that his need to aim through Hunter was taken as a serious threat. He's realizing that they honestly believe that he would hurt them. Not the chipped version of him, but just him, all on his own.

As for the rest of his characterization, I think your point that “You tried to kill us” is a weak argument is pretty important. Meaning, Crosshair knows he didn’t attack his team and nearly kill them, the Empire controlling him like a puppet did. He (arguably) doesn’t owe them an apology for something that he was as much a victim for. However, we usually expect one anyway—like Wrecker still apologizing to Omega—because that's how people who have hurt loved ones react, whether the hurt was intentional or not, but that guilt is currently overshadowed by his fury that they left him behind. For him I think it’s a bit of a circular problem. Yes, he nearly killed them… but he wouldn’t have nearly killed them if they’d come back and rescued him. With the obvious disclaimer that the Empire is the real evil here, Crosshair as a threat is a bit of a problem of the batch's own making. If they’d done the right thing and gotten him out, there wouldn’t have been these scary moments like the engine incident. If they’d at least tried, then Crosshair likely would have been more guilt-ridden because he hurt his brothers who were trying to help him. As it stands, he tried to hurt the people who claim they're his brothers, but who left him behind. That's why he presents this second chance as magnanimous: from Crosshair's perspective, they haven't done anything to earn his care, but they're getting it anyway. An apology though? That's pushing things too far. If when Wrecker turned the group had locked him somewhere in the ship and gone off planet, leaving him there under the justification “Well, he tried to kill us!" would Wrecker still return with apologies for his actions... or would he be primarily pissed at being left like that, withholding apologies because they did him harm intentionally, whereas he did harm under another's control? I mean, maybe he'd be forgiving (the huge difference between his and Crosshair’s personalities is another factor), but also maybe not. Having Crosshair apologize for the near-death experiences requires 1. For him to feel responsibility for something that was forced on him and 2. For him to not be absolutely furious at the batch for abandoning him. They've gotta work through that before Crosshair can acknowledge that guilt.

Killing his second team on the other hand… idk if the batch cares, honestly. It was the killing of civilians that they balked at, not other fighters like themselves. Even the Jedis’ execution, something they clearly didn’t like, wasn’t enough to turn them from the Empire, presumably because the Jedi are capable of defending themselves. They fell in battle. It’s only when the Empire asks them to kill kids and untrained civilians that they go, “Absolutely not. This organization is evil.” Murder of other fighters was, you know, not great, but not worth defecting over either. Crosshair’s second team is made up of fighters who have been trying to kill them, so they’re definitely fair game. If we removed Crosshair’s plan from the situation and the batch was just fighting their way off Kamino after a capture, would they have also killed the team without a blink of an eye? Probably. It's self-defense. The second they raised their blasters it became a battle and, unless you’re specifically out to stun someone for some reason, battles end bloody. The shock is which side Crosshair was on, not that one side was willing to murder the other. It’s definitely messed up from our perspective that Crosshair laid a trap to murder his team to prove a point… but from the batch’s perspective? Crosshair killed a bunch of imperial fighters who were threatening them during a battle. That’s just an average Tuesday for them, nothing much to get upset over.

And omg don’t get me started on Crosshair wanting to find Omega a family! Like yeah, it’s obviously a #mistake and his faith in the Empire is Super Messed Up but... the underlying motivation is so good. It’s another situation where there’s no easy answer. Which is more important: Omega’s emotional health where she grows up with clones like her, the people who are now 100% her family, or her physical health, where she stays some place where she’s not always getting shot at, kidnapped, at risk of going hungry, etc.? It’s easy as the audience to go, “Of course she belongs with her dads!!” but if you choose to read the story through any realistic lens, Crosshair absolutely has a point about this being terrible environment for a kid, the exact point the batch themselves were making until Omega begged to stay. I love my feral, compassionate child but let me tell you, I YELLED when she yeeted herself out of that pod. This is a traumatized, formerly isolated kid with absolutely zero self-preservation, combined with, at times, a lack of basic common sense that’s inevitable in children (like not realizing she can’t pull a very heavy droid up through the water). As emotionally gutting as the thought is and, in this particular case, a Very Bad Idea, I really can’t fault anyone for raising the possibility that she go somewhere else, somewhere she’s likely to survive into her teens 😅

[imkylotrash]

You’re Family

Pairing: JJ Maybanks x reader, John B x reader (platonic)

Summary: Part 2 to “Got Your Back” where reader forgives Kie but doesn’t feel safe around her anymore which means there’s a huge divide in the group that no one really knows how to fix until the reader opens up about her past. @kaelyn-lobrutto24​

TW: Abuse, violence, anxiety. Let me know if there’s more. 

Part 1

Two weeks since the incident and two weeks since you’ve seen Kie. She came by your house the day after the argument to apologize but you just weren’t ready to see her let alone have her in your house. Unfortunately, it’s created a huge divide in your friend group with John B, Sarah, JJ and you on one side and Pope and Kie on the other side. So today you had decided to end this feud once and for all. You did not want to be responsible for breaking up such a close friend group. 

“Where are you going?” John B asks rubbing his eyes. It’s early in the morning, but him and JJ hasn’t let you sleep alone since that day. Something you’ll be forever grateful for. 

“I thought I’d go talk to Kie. Try to fix things,” you reply looking down at your feet. You’ve been worried that they’ll realise they’re rooting for the wrong side. 

“We don’t regret this, okay? If you want to fix things with Kie, then I think that’s great. But don’t rush it, because you’re scared.” It’s like he can read your mind but that doesn’t really come as a surprise after so many years of friendship. The two of you know each other better than you know yourselves. 

“Can we please stop talking?” JJ mutters before placing the pillow over his head to drown out the noise making you laugh. In an attempt to spare JJ, the two of you head into the kitchen where you can talk freely.

“I’ll go talk to her and then I’ll decide if I’m ready to forgive her. But she deserves a chance to be heard,” you say to John B. And it’s true, she does deserve a chance to be heard. You know Kie isn’t a bad person and she couldn’t possibly know about all the things that have happened to you, so she really has no idea why you had such a severe reaction. But regardless of knowing the situation or not, it shouldn’t have gotten physical - it never should. 

“Okay. You need me to take you there?” he asks pulling you in for a hug. 

“It’s okay. I could use the walk.” He gives your hand a gentle squeeze before letting you go. As you walk towards Kie’s house you try to hold on to that feeling of safety that John B and JJ has given you these last couple of weeks. It’s really brought you and JJ closer. Close enough for you to open up to him about what your last boyfriend did to you. Somehow the pain of abuse connected the two of you and you feel certain he would never harm you in that way - that connection is also the reason why you were brave enough to kiss him a few days ago. Ever since that he’s been even more protective of you and it’s why you didn’t wake him this morning because he would’ve tried to stop you. It would’ve been his attempt to keep you from more pain and hurt. 

“Y/N?” You’re standing in front of Kie’s house so lost in thought that you don’t even notice her come outside. 

“Hi.” Your breathing quickens at the sight of her. In an attempt to control your anxiety you ball up your fists feeling your nails dig into the palm of your hand. It helps you focus rather than be consumed by your mind. 

“I’m so sorry for what happened. I got so upset and I lashed out. It’s not an excuse for what I did though. I never should’ve done something like that. I’m so sorry!” You can tell she’s trying her hardest not to cry. The apology is enough for you to forgive her. You know deep down that she didn’t mean it and if she could take it back, she would. 

“Kie, it’s okay. It was a heated moment and you didn’t mean it.”

“Thank you! I’ve really missed you guys.” She moves to hug you to which you immediately take several steps back. 

“I’m just not ready,” you say noticing the hurt in her eyes. 

“Of course. Maybe we should text the others to hang out? I’d love to catch up,” she says and you’re thankful she’s not making a bigger deal out of it. You just know it’ll take some time before you’ll feel safe enough for her to touch you. Not too long after you’re all sitting at John B’s house. Much to your surprise Sarah is there too. It seems like a bold move considering how it went last time but you’re glad to see her nevertheless. Lately, she really stepped up and she’s been a rock for both you and John B. It means everything to see him happy like this and with someone as nice as Sarah. 

“Can I say something?” Everyone looks to you and JJ goes to sit next to you. Just feeling him close to you is enough support to continue. 

“When I was 15, I got into a relationship with a guy who was 19 at the time. And he was so nice to start with, but then after a few months he started getting really angry. If I talked to another guy, he would call me a slut. Whenever I was out with friends, he would get upset and threaten to hurt me if I ever left him. And one day he did hurt me. It took me a while to realise that I deserve so much better than that. I thought that was love but it wasn’t.” When you finish you don’t dare look up. Now it’s out there. 

“But we already knew you then. How come we didn’t know about him?” Pope asks with zero judgement in his tone. 

“Because he convinced me it would be more fun if we kept it a secret. But I know now that he was ashamed to be seen with a pope. At the time I thought it made sense, but nothing he said ever made sense,” you finally look up at your audience, “he made me feel like I was wrong. Like I should be ashamed, but I shouldn’t. He doesn’t get to make me feel that way anymore.” 

Sarah has tears in her eyes. John B takes your hand but stays silent. He already knew all this. In the confusion after your confession JJ places a kiss on the top of your head that no one seems to notice. 

“We could’ve protected you,” Pope finally says after looking like he might vomit at any time. “We could’ve kept you safe from that bastard!” 

“You couldn’t have though. I thought we truly loved each other. And I know now that it wasn’t ever about love for him, he just wanted control. Now I know that love is so much better. It’s something that should warm you and make you feel fuzzy. I know that now, but I didn’t when I met him.”

“If someone ever hurts you like that again, we need to know,” Kie says after having kept quiet the entire conversation. 

“I sure hope that won’t be a problem this time,” you smile leaning into JJ. 

“I would never ever hurt you,” he whispers into your ear and you genuinely believe him. As you look around at the group of people you know that you’ve found a family that’s going to last a life time. You’ll always have each other and you feel happier than you’ve felt for a long time. In this moment you feel free. 

[softbluefanfiction]

Truce

When I first started writing this fic, I accidentally deleted the first 2000 words and had to restart, that wasn't very nice, but I pulled through and really I hope you enjoy!

The insults. The accusations. Constantly having to defend himself. Having to play nice. It was all getting to be too much for Janus, but he had no choice but to handle it. He needed to take it in order to help Thomas, and eventually it would stop. Until then though...

"Your slippery sarcasm scale is why we are in this mess in the first place!" Roman yelled, pointing an accusing finger.

"Yeah, for real, Thomas" Virgil spat, "how can you still not see him for what he is?"

"And what would that be, dear Anxiety?" His stomach twisted as he spoke; it was tough to fight with him on a good day, but Virgil had also declared that he wasn't going to use Janus's name and that Janus wasn't allowed to use his. The only reason he agreed was to stop a fight, but in hindsight, it seemed to have not caused any release of tension from the group.

"A monster-"

"Woah! That's a bit strong, don't you think, Verg? Maybe we can take a second-" Thomas tried.

"No, it's not!" Virgil snapped. "he's been lying and deceiving us from the start, and now his advice has cost us a friendship!"

A few weeks ago, Thomas had come to them with a moral dilemma about two acting jobs. One was for a friend's production and would have meant a great deal to said friend if Thomas had taken the part. The other was a more prestigious role that Thomas has been working towards for a long while, alongside that Thomas didn't have much experience with the genre and really wanted to test himself; it also paid more. Janus had gone for the obvious choice with Logan on his side. He then won over Patton; given that other people were lined up to audition, his friend wouldn't have been shorthanded. He knew Roman secretly wanted to do the more challenging thing. It was easy after that.

"I hardly believe that that is a reasonable conclusion, Virgil." Logan slid in next to Janus, much to the latter's relief. A small genuine smile came across his face as Logan began to defend him. It always took him by such surprise; he never thought he'd be on speaking terms with the other after what he did, impersonating him. Now they had begun to quite enjoy each other's company and Logan defended him, often without hesitation: "when was it you said this play was, Thomas?"

"Uh, I went to it last week, but it ran the rest of the week too."

"And when and how frequently have you contacted this person?"

"Once that night and a couple of times today, but he still hasn't responded. He was also weird after the play, I mean we barely spoke!"

"Hence the 'issue' at hand," Janus said with air quotes and Roman positively fumed.

"Wipe that smile off your face, you deceitful dick!" He snapped and everyone in the room seemed as taken aback as Janus was.

"Running out of insults, are we, Roman?" He sneered.

"No, you...you... snake!" he shouted, still pointing an accusatory finger.

Both he and Logan rolled their eyes as Logan continued. "So, based on the fact that you have texted them during and after a busy week and they have not responded as well as being distant during a very busy production, you are concluding that they no longer wish to be your companion? Thomas, you must see that that is a bit of an extreme conclusion?"

Thomas and Vigil took a deep breath together. "Yeah, I'm sorry Logan, you're right. I should wait a minute before ringing the alarm bell."

"The figurative one I assume; although that might be an interesting way to improve the safety of your home, it would be unnecessary as the fire alarms are already operating."

"That doesn't change anything, they could be-" before Virgil could continue, Thomas's phone buzzed.

"Oh, who could that be?" Janus asked.

Thomas spoke sheepishly, looking apologetically at Janus and Logan. "It's them, they're sorry that they haven't been able to talk much and wanna go out to lunch some time."

"Well, then," Logan said with a self satisfied sigh, "if that is all I'll bid you a good night, and Thomas, remember to check your calendar before making plans."

"Okay, Logan, thank you!" Thomas rubbed the back of his neck as Logan sunk out.

"Hmmm, would you look at that, despite my villainous influences on Thomas's decision making everything turned out fine! How could this possibly be?" Janus gasped with mock shock, bringing a gloved hand to his mouth.

"This doesn't change anything, you're still-"

"Virgil," Thomas voice was a bit raised but he took a deep breath and softened, "Virgil, its okay."

The anxious side struggled for a moment, seeming to have more to say, but then simply huffed and sunk out with Roman ready to take his place in the fight.

Before that argument could move any further he held up a hand, and looked at his host. "I will see you later Thomas, don't hesitate to call if you need me." He sunk out with a calm smile from Thomas and fuming rage from Roman.

After he was back in the mindscape's living room, his shoulders slumped and his face fell before he realized that he was not alone and put on his mask once more. Every cell in his body fought against not being able to just relax, but he pushed those feelings away, making his way into the kitchen.

He was no longer going to stay in the room, but was still going to take a bottle of wine up to his bedroom. He felt like he deserved a little help to unwind.

Virgil spoke up as he looped back from the kitchen to make his way up the stairs: "I know what you're doing!" He growled.

"Do you now?" Janus huffed, he'd had too much today already and mostly responded on instinct. He hoped Virgil would just drop it so he could get onto staying in his room the rest of the night.

"I do, and I'm not going to let you hurt him!"

Janus let out an exasperated sigh and spun around at the top of the staircase. "Do you ever think I've tried so hard to get to Thomas because I care for him and want to help him?!" He meant to be snide in order to get Virgil to understand while not being vulnerable, but his voice failed him at the end, cracking.

That gave Virgil pause but he strode on. "It doesn't matter what you think you're doing. You're deceit and all you are going to do is hurt Thomas."

Janus just huffed and walked away, face turning red at his outburst. He had avoided reacting out of pure feeling since his low blow with Roman, but it seemed like they knew just how to get on his nerves and wanted him to fail so badly. He wouldn't have been surprised if that was a genuine scheme of theirs, to hit him where it hurts until he finally shows his true colors or whatever. They'd done worse.

Hot tears burned at the back of his eyes but he swallowed them down. He would not cry because of them. They would not hurt him, he was better than that and if it meant he could have Thomas's attention then they didn't matter.

But this was getting to be exhausting. The punches were coming just as hard as before and seemed to hurt worse and worse. Virgil's always stung, but the attacks were getting more and more personal. Roman was nothing compared to that, but the last few weeks every time it seemed that they were getting somewhere he'd redouble his efforts at getting under Janus' skin.

They were also in cahoots to not let him be alone with Thomas, and for a while, Patton. He actually began to get a stomach ache every time he went to go visit either, even starting to avoid them entirely before they both realized what was up and told the other two off. They could still interrupt if they found a good enough reason and used it as an excuse, which left Janus with much apprehension.

Their efforts also left him with conclusions that he was barely allowing to cross his mind, but he felt them pushing against the edges, threatening to burst out. About how Virgil and Roman are a part of Thomas and what their sentiment means about what Thomas thinks of him.

He shook himself out of his reverie and poured a glass of wine, sitting on his bed to sip at it.

His suit felt itchy and he knew he probably needed a shower. Last week he shed and that was just delightful, as always. He was more than grumpy and expected it to ruin all he had worked for but everyone was actually exceptional about the whole situation. Even Roman. It was another time he thought he might've gotten through to him but absolutely didn't. Either way, he was onto the last of it and one more good soak would do him some good.

He felt like a 60's housewife drinking wine in the bath but usually it could fix almost any issue so he wasn't willing to give it up. This time, he felt himself relax a bit, but instead of his worries washing away he felt them pressing down on him still, as if held at arm's length but ready to pounce at any moment; but in all honesty, it could just be the wine relaxing him.

He got done with a few glasses before he heard a knock on the door. "One second." Janus jumped out of the tub and carefully dried himself off and, for force of habit, assumed Remus would be behind the door, simply wrapping a towel around himself to answer it.

Which is how he caused one Patton Sanders to let out a rather loud "Oh, my!" when he opened the door, turning a shade of red that Janus did not think possible.

"Oh, my...um," Janus echoed, closing the door to cover most of himself peeking his head out. "You'll have to excuse me Patton, I had assumed you were Remus, did you need something?"

Patton was decidedly looking everywhere besides Janus, eyes curiously flitting back to his bare chest every few glances, but he really was doing his best to not look, it made Janus smile and giggle drunkenly, "You can look at me, it's fine."

They had been tipsy together before and Patton had admitted he was mad at Roman and Virgil's behavior and when that topic shifted away, feeling like he should offer something as well, he had admitted that his scales often made him feel foreign and out of place. Patton said he thought they were pretty and Janus couldn't believe that was true, and said as much. That's probably not what the moral side was currently thinking of at that moment, he belatedly realized, but didn't much care.

Patton swallowed and leveled his eyes on his counterpart's face, every few words his eyes would stray for a few moments but snap back up after realizing what had occurred. "Right, um, I just wanted to invite you to movie night at 9, um, and Thomas will be there too!"

And Roman and Virgil. "Don't wait up for me," He said after a minute of thought, he would think about though "sorry, Patton."

"No, no, it's okay!" He could tell it wasn't, but couldn't think of what to say so they just sat there awkwardly for a moment.

"Hey, daddy!" Remus saved them. "if you two wanna fuck I can leave." He laughed as Patton sputtered, walking up to them and placing a hand on each of their shoulders.

"Remus, please, you'll break him," Janus rubbed his face to stop his own laugh, keeping his tone exasperated "my apologies again Patton, have a good night!"

"Yeah, um, see you at the movie Remus" He whispered, running off as fast as possible.

"You're invited?" Janus asked, shocked. He didn't know that any of the others tolerated him, including Thomas, just that they accepted that they couldn't just ignore him.

"Oh, pfft, no!" Remus laughed, pushing into the room and shutting the door behind him, "I just showed up and nobodies told me to fuck off yet, so im still showing up!" Remus wrapped his arms around Janus' waist, leading him to the bed and leaning in for a kiss.

"It seems as though they have come to expect you!" Janus murmurs against Remus' lips. He allows the conversation to drift away when the other doesn't respond, pulling them both down over his bed. They curled up there, Remus laying on top of the other with his head nuzzled into his neck, the towel that Janus was wearing forgotten.

Their relationship had changed drastically in the last while since Virgil left. They had both come to find each other in the dark sides commons one night and opened up about missing Virgil. It was the first time either of them had been so open with the other and it was the start of a beautiful and weird thing between them. It started slowly with just hanging out all the time, but then one night Remus shakily reached over during an anime he was watching and grabbed Janus' hand. It was all fast after that, and a supposed silver lining to Virgil's absence.

"You still..." Remus mumbled, brushing down Janus' arm slowly "have some.." he picked up the snake-like side's appendage. "Janus shreds to remove," and started to slowly take off the rest of his shed. Janus just turns his head over, sighing at the satisfying feeling, content to fall asleep and deal with washing the sheets later.

"Alright, come on!" Janus lets out a whine as Remus pulls him up and takes him back to the bathroom. The other got undressed and Janus removed the water from the tub while the shower turned on, Remus quickly washed off and then walked back to Janus. "Let's get the rest of this off, hmm?"

Janus nodded and settled down on the side of the tub, it was an ornate one with golden legs on the four sides in the shape of snakes and white marble coloring on the rest. "Are you for real not going to movie night?" Janus sighed as Remus carefully took off the rest of his dead skin, if you tried to remove it too soon it burned and might even bleed, but now it was high past time and felt like bliss.

"Although I would just love to be berated all night long, I think I will be content enough to read the night away." Janus felt a little disappointed at the thought, but even Patton was starting to irritate him. He was treating the deceitful side like a hurt puppy rather than confronting the others. He knew that it wouldn't help, but a little effort in the right direction wouldn't kill.

"Buzzkill...that's fair, and if that bottle was full before it got to your room you're also shitfaced." He laughed, picking up the almost empty container and chugging the rest.

The other just nodded. There was certainty a blur around the edges of his mind growing stronger, and he leaned into Remus' touch as he massaged his shoulders far after his shed was gone the rest of the way. "I think I would just like to go to bed, okay?"

"Do you know people spend ⅓ of their life asleep, meaning that people waste 229'961 hours of their life so they can hallucinate while drooling?"

"Logan has been a bad influence on you," Janus mumbles as they both dry off and make it back to Janus' room. "You should still go, if you want."

Remus in response snuggled under the covers with Janus and closed his eyes, shrugging. "I'm good here, boo, at least until you fall asleep."

"Thank you," the yellow side grumbles, it does take awhile for him to actually rest, but Remus pulled out some sort of book Janus knew better than to look at, and seemed content enough to stay.

---

Janus woke up from a nightmare with a scream and immediately fell into a panic attack. He tried to get the air past his lungs and tore through his hair, his face and arms heavy and numb to him.

Remus was around him a moment later, hugging his shoulders and badly guiding him through a breathing exercise. It took a few minutes but he got back down to where he could speak.

"What if I'm bad for Thomas?" He whispered, hands falling into his lap, he swallowed and almost started to wonder if Remus had heard him. A mantra of monster, monster, monster, monster  was cycling through his head, leftover fragments of the cacophony in his dream that was already becoming hard to remember.

"What? " Remus sounded furious, his voice a low growl and Janus folded in on himself, closing his eyes, arms going around his chest.

"Virgil said...I just...no one ever thinks that they're the bad guy, I was happy to play the part if it meant I could get Thomas to see...but what if I wasn't...?" His voice wavered, he knew he was going to regret telling Remus who exactly caused this particular episode, but maybe he deserved it after all the crap he'd been pulling.

"This has to stop!" Remus spat, voice still low. Another aspect that is opposite from Roman, when Remus gets angry it's a cold, quiet fury  "when are you going get your head out of your ass, Janny? My fuckass brother gets butthurt once and you're just going to let everything slide by from now on?"

"It's not like that, I don't want anything getting in between me and Thomas or hurting him and that situation has clearly has done both, things will smooth over-"

"Will they really stop though," Remus softened. "You have proved yourself already and Thomas has even told them to chill and they are not any closer to being done with their crap!"

They both stayed quiet for awhile after that..."you're right, something has to budge, im sorry".

"You shouldnt be apologizing to me, i'm not mad at you... i'm gonna go get you some of those sleepy bears" Remus jumped off the bed and Janus didn't expect him back for awhile. At least he put pants on.

Laying back down he realized he had only slept for about two hours, and movie night was on downstairs. He burrowed down with a groan, they had to have heard him scream. He begged the universe that Remus would just go and get the melanin gummies from the kitchen and that would be the end of it.

Of course that wasn't the end of it, but at least Janus wasn't aware for a while.

---

Remus was absolutely fuming when he left the room, intending to break down Virgil's door if it killed him, but when he heard a movie going on downstairs he figured that would work too.

The movie was immediately paused as Remus thundered down the steps. He realized just now that the others probably haven't seen him this truly angry, or even this serious, and Thomas was in the room. That almost changed his mind about whatever he was gonna do when he got to Virgil, but decided that Thomas might need to be privy to the conversation.

"You" He growled, pointing at Virgil who snapped his head up at him from his usual spot. Roman tried to get in the way but Remus summoned some weird handcuff thing and threw it in his direction. It latched onto both his hands and then flew to the wall behind him, connecting to it. It then pulled him back and away. He jumped up on the couch and pulled Virgil up by his hoodie, pushing him against the wall.

"What the-" Virgil started, but Remus shook him.

"You need to put your ducklings in a row before I kill em all!" Remus noted the fear in his eyes and how tight he was holding the other, and loosened his grip.

"What are you talking about?" Virgil said, not moving. Remus was sure he would know why he was here now that it was brought to his attention. Virgil always knew when there was a spike in anxiety somewhere in the mindscape and that much from Janus would have crossed the radar.

"You know damn well what, you pitch black nightmare!" Remus spat, "Do you honestly think that Thomas is better without Janus?"

That stopped him short, and over his shoulder Remus could see everyone's head snap from him to Virgil. "...I didn't say that''

"Well you said something that has him convinced him he's no good for Thomas!"

"He isn't," Virgil insisted, looking like he regretted the words immediately.

"Do you really believe that or are you hiding from the fact that you were wrong and are being an asshole's asshole about it?" That shut him up quick and Remus let him go and walked over to Roman who was as quiet as everyone else was, "Parties over you can go back to your movie". The anger had fizzled when he saw how scared Virgil was, and he had already told Roman off several times. Thomas would most likely have a few words with them, so that would have to be enough. He produced a key and unlocked his twin, with a click the cuffs and key disappeared.

There were a few scattered murmurs from the living room as Remus grabbed a few gummies and ate them, grabbing an extra and heading upstairs with it.

"Hey..." It was Thomas that spoke up, and in a quiet tone that gave Remus pause half-way up, "is everything alright, I mean... what happened?"

Remus opened his mouth to tell him, but closed it again when Logan shifted. "Ask him yourself". Thomas nodded, clearly a bit disappointed with the answer and Remus went to leave.

"He had a panic attack," Virgil mumbled, looking down at his feet numbly.

The others in the room looked mostly shocked but Thomas looked aghast. Before he could say anything else Remus huffed in disgust and walked away to go take care of Janus.

---

Janus stayed in his room most of the next few days, his panic attack was more than enough to tell him he needed a break, so unless directly called upon he would spend some time doing just that. He did leave a couple of times early in the morning to help Patton with breakfast and chat with Logan, but for a much shorter time and left quickly if anyone other than Remus showed face. Everyone was acting a bit strangely but Janus refused to put much thought into it. They all had nightmares, so hearing him yell yesterday shouldn't be something they are able to hold over his head.

He'd also scheduled an early meeting with Dr. Pacini, and he assured Janus that he was handling the situation very well. Taking a step back and avoiding anything that could be triggering for a short time could do some good, although he did ask Janus to lower his alcohol consumption to at least every other day and not fully isolate himself.

He also asked that Janus talk to Thomas about his worries, but was immediately shot down in the meeting. Now that it was in his mind though, Janus felt himself slowly lose the will to not do just that. He would have to explain why he had been absent recently and had made it a point to stop lying to Thomas.

Perhaps he would just explain certain things to his host, that he had wanted to relax a little and that was why he was distant the last few days. Something to sooth the others likely worries and it would be nice to see Thomas, as his company was rather nice.

That's what he told himself as he appeared in Thomas' room late one night, only to find the other on his laptop entranced by Netflix and unaware of his presence.

Janus smiled lightly, happy to see the other enjoying himself, although with the late hour Logan was sure to have a fit. Instead of interrupting he simply started to move about the room, he probably should have gone to bed himself, but a little tidying wouldn't hurt.

He was able to check if Thomas' house plant needed watering, fold some shirts on the floor and straighten up the chair in the corner before he was noticed.

"Oh, hey Janus" Thomas smiled and closed the laptop when he saw the other, "sorry I didn't see you there, um, what are you doing?"

"It's no bother Thomas, it's not like I've taken time out of my very busy schedule of doing nothing to come and check on you at a ridiculous hour only to have you pay me no mind while I clean your room" He waved his hand dismissively and sat next to Thomas, who let out a soft laugh.

"Yeah, I actually wanted to check on you, I haven't seen you in the past few days and figured you might want some space but I was getting worried"

"Whatever would you need to be worried about?" Janus tried, icy trepidation making its way up his spine, "I'm doing well".

Thomas paused, looking a bit guilty "look, Jan, I know that you had a panic attack and you don't have to talk about it now but i'd like to maybe figure out why so I can help"

Janus paused, ready to deny and avoid but Thomas gave him that 'im Thomas and too wholesome and caring for this world look' and he signed quietly to himself, now at a loss for words. He felt panic brewing at being so exposed and a slight anger at himself for letting Thomas worry about him.

"You really don't have to talk about it, I swear, and i'm worried but I know you can take care of yourself and..." Thomas filled the prolonged silence with rushed and nervous words that Janus wanted to interrupt but his mouth just wasn't working.

He could say many things. Something to soften the blow, a half-truth that Thomas wouldn't fall for but would allow given the circumstances. He could lie, say that whatever Remus said was just to throw Thomas off, but Thomas had not mentioned Remus and if Janus did then that would be an easy hole to poke through. He could tell Thomas he wasn't ready to discuss it and be left feeling awkward and guilty, because while that isn't necessarily a lie, he would still be keeping secrets from Thomas.

All of these thoughts swirled through Janus's head as Thomas's rambling became muffled and his breath came in shorter gasps.

"Do you think i'm evil?" It was the first thing on Janus' tongue and the last thing he actually wanted to open up to Thomas about. He didn't know if he would be able to take the answer being yes, but a lie to try and comfort him would tear him to pieces.

After a long silence Thomas finally spoke,"What?". His voice was gentle but alarmed, meant to brush away Janus' worries.

The deceptive side tried to respond but he stopped and took a shaky breath, grounding himself. "It has been on my mind for awhile, I know it is unreasonable to ask you to answer that, I just...its tough being insulted by people you (that Thomas cares) care about and I am concerned as to how their opinions are affecting your own"

"Janus, it's not unreasonable to voice your concerns, and... I can't say with certainty that I don't view you as at least a little bad, but i'm working on unlearning that type of thinking and Virgil and Roman aren't going to make me change my mind on that, okay?"

Janus' body relaxed from the tension he didn't know he was holding and he sighed, leaning heavily on his hands. That was somehow the perfect response and Janus felt some sort of weight leave him. "Woah, hey, its okay", Thomas scrambled forwards to sit next to where Janus was, rubbing circles on his back, "Did I say something wrong?"

Janus shook his head, confused as to what the other meant, until he realized he was shaking and had started crying. Shame and fear rose past his relief, but Thomas had wrapped his arm around the others shoulder and Janus couldn't stop himself from accepting the comfort.

He leaned into Thomas' hug, putting his face onto the others shoulder as he let out the first real sob he'd let happen in months. Thomas, ever patient, simply whispered soothing words and rubbed circles on his back.

It took several minutes for Janus to calm down, but once he did he remained in Thomas' grasp for a while longer. "I didn't mean..." Janus started to pull back not sure what he was going to say and looked down at Thomas' shirt, wet with tears, "to ruin your shirt" he finished lamely.

Thomas just frowned and shook his head, worry creasing his brow. Janus sighed and looked away, rubbing his forehead. Thomas had never seen Janus like this, sure he was less guarded around his host but he still wasn't sure what to tell Thomas now that he had all of a sudden broken down. "I feel...better now" was what eventually came out, along with a shaky laugh.

"That's good" Thomas smiled, patting him awkwardly on the back. "Are the others all busy, or, I mean, do you have someone to be with right now, I guess"

"No, Remus is in the imagination and I believe all others are resting, but I can assure you that I will take care of myself." He winked at the other "self-care and all that".

That earned him a laugh, "Right, yeah...you mean a lot to me Janus, okay, I really hope that I wasn't hurting you by not telling you that sooner"

"No, Thomas, I should have come to you sooner and it's really not as bad as it might seem, I am a professional at bottling up my emotions, as it were"

"Yeah, I guess that makes sense..." They sat in comfortable silence for awhile after that, taking a minute to let everything soak in, "If you wanna stay, I was watching the office?"

"That sounds abhorrent" Janus jibed, as he waved his hand and changed into his pajamas, sitting down next to Thomas as he started up the laptop again.

After a few episodes Janus felt his body get lighter and he fell asleep content and laughing with Thomas.

Thank you so much for reading everyone, I appreciated every like and comment and feel free to critique! I wish you well and goodnight!

AFTERWORD IS POSTED! I JUST DONT KNOW HOW TO LINK IT IM SORRY!

[yuezhong]

593 followers special! + appreciation & shoutouts <3

Hi guys! I’m back. Now, I know it’s been a while since I last posted anything as uni has been kicking my butt, and I was busy with my final sem exams. But now that I’m back, I would like to do something simple to celebrate me reaching 506 followers (596 currently) a while ago, and that is to open a discord server.

Yep, you heard me. I’m having my own discord server! :3 So don’t be shy and come join it if you want. The mods are lovely and so are the users that have joined. The criteria for joining my server is that you have to be 15 or older ! And don’t even try to lie about your age, we can tell from the way you carry yourself.

https://discord.gg/pA9au9S

In addition to celebrating my 5th milestone, I would like to thank these people, which are my lovely friends, fanfic writers and non writers alike, those who are in bold write nsfw/mild nsfw :

To start off, I want to thank these three servers/groups as wholes:

1. Jay and Co.:

@oikawasass -- Jay my spicy cinnamon roll! You are very cool person, periodt. Tbh, I was a little intimidated by you when I first spoke to you in your server. But overtime as I spoke to you more, I can see that you're actually a very lovely and sweet person in your own way. Also, I love how you can be super blunt and say the most hilarious things with a serious tone. You’re self-assured, bold and not afraid to speak your mind, and that is what I admire about you. And thank you, for being there and talking sense into me when I needed it, I appreciate that very much 🥺

And boy oh boy, your writing? *Chef's kiss* the first time when I read one of your works, I fell in love with how easy on the eyes it is. Your writing style is simple yet beautiful. Your choice of words, the imagery and the cohesiveness too! It’s godtier💞, must stan it. I especially love your crack fics/hcs and you whole aesthetic as well. Ma'am, pls spare some of your skills. 

@archn my dear cupcake! Honestly, you're the sweetest person I've ever met and you're so so supportive and patient 🥺, plus I love how crackhead you can get when we’re fooling around lmao. Other than that, you’re really easygoing, not only towards me, but to everyone in general. You’re like that cool cousin that everyone looks up to and deserves all the appreciation in the world.

Also, your writing style is gorgeous and you write the characters' personality so spot on! I also love the flow of words sm ahhhj. I especially love your  headcanons of the bnha boyos working out with their fem s/o, that idea is really creative!

@mizukuni -- Mizuuu, my beautiful, gorgeous sweet red date! Babe, you have come so far from starting off as a new writing blog not long ago to finally achieving 1k followers! I just wanna say congrats for reaching your 10th milestone and you deserve every one of your followers! You can definitely go further and achieve more milestones. As for your writing style, it is simplistic but beautiful: you don’t use many flowery words to express your writing,  yet those simple words you choose bring out what you want to show in your works exactly, and the flow of words is just rly smooth and I stan the cohesiveness 💞. Oh and you have such a cute minimalistic art style that is very pleasant on the eyes! And lately I can see that you’re improving at a quick pace; your drawings are getting more detailed than last time and that’s really amazing! Also, did I mention that I love your blog’s aesthetic as well?

Also, thank you for being there for me when I was feeling down and needed someone to talk to, I cherish that gesture of yours greatly luv 💞As for my first impression of you, I could tell you’re a really chill person and go with the flow easily. Honestly, that helped a lot to buffer my social awkwardness and made me open up to y’all easier. So yeah, I must say a very big thank you once again to you babe 💞

@cherry-pancakes  -- Diiii my sweet cherry blossom! You are the cutest person I’ve ever met sjdnjsn. Your antics remind me of a sweet little sister and that is pretty darn adorable. Even though you can be a little bit wild and spontaneous sometimes, that just adds to your charm! Plus, a little wild every once in a while does’t do harm < 3

As for your writing, it has a simple flow but it is easily understood. If writing styles were aesthetics/ sceneries, yours would be a small flowing stream-- small but smooth flowing, simple but not insignificant. Beauty in simplicity describes your works perfectly. Also, did I mention that you have a really adorable artstyle as well? Your art style is relatively simple but it is so so cute 🥺

 @chizo --Guava my gummy bear! Babe, even though you are no longer active here, I just want to say a very big thank you. Thank you for giving us so many beautifully written works. Seriously, when I first met you through discord and followed your writing blog ( @izukyu ) I fell in love with your works. Something about your writing is just really special, plus I love the fact that you start sentences with small letters (Caps lock be damned lol). Your writing is a mixture of sophistication and simplicity, yet they compliment each other perfectly when you incorporate them into your works! It is pretty impressive because it is not an easy thing to do.

As for my first impression of you, I can tell you’re genuinely a vv caring and supportive person. You give off motherly vibes as well in a good way! You’re like the cool mom friend of the group who looks after everyone tbh 💝. So yeah, once again I want to say a very very big thank you to you again. Thank you for blessing the writers’ community with your wonderful fics and thank you for being such a good friend, let’s continue to be good friends in the near future!

@sourbkg  -- Emmie my blueberry! Babey you are another sweetheart who is caring and so so supportive. I still remembered that time when I felt a little ill and sad and you immediately sent some cat pictures to cheer me up, thank you sm for that love, it helped me a great deal 💕, plus I’m never one to say no to cats and kitties! Also, you know exactly what to say at the right moments! Your easygoing personality makes it easy for other people to open up to you as well.

As for your writing style, it has a simple yet realistic approach. It’s like I can see what is happening in your works like a movie scene and I think that is really cool! Keep up the good work < 3! I really love that one shot with Shoto’s s/o attempting to scare him, it’s so cute ahh! And I love the ending lol, Shoto cracking a joke is golden. 

@kozumie -- Kai! Oh man, where do I start. Okay, here we go. When I first met you in the server, I gravitated towards your easygoing, cool and chill vibe. After talking to you more, I can tell that I love the laid-back chill vibe you give off, you’re so awesome! 

Also, even though I haven’t read much of your work, I must say I really love the way you write. It’s precise and your vocabulary really helps with imagery, the words you can help the readers easily envision what is going on in your story, and that is really amazing! Keep up the good work! Looking forward to more works from you. 

@succu6us-- Anni! Babe, ahh it has been a while since we last spoke too hasn’t it? I missed you along with the others too 🥺 But now that I’m back for the time being, I’m going to be more active. Anni babe, your writing style is minimalistic yet gorgeous. I can tell you’re not a big fan of writing long paragraphs and that’s completely fine! Because if I’m being honest here, I tend to keep things simple and short as well if I can. Yet your simplistic style captures the gist of your works perfectly! did I mention that I love your nsfw works as well 

As for my first impression of you, I could tell that you had a very self-assured, confident aura about you, and you still do! But you are not arrogant at all. On the contrary, you’re a humble and supportive soul! I quite envy that self-assurance and air of confidence you have dear, and I can say that I have grown to be a bit more confident in myself by having you around, so you’re a wonderful influence! Let’s continue to keep in touch sweetie.

@mysterypotatoink -- Morgann! Sugarcakes, let me just say that you are the best big sister figure we could ever ask for! You are so sweet, supportive, loving and willing to help us whenever we need it. You are our server’s big sister and guardian 💕💕 You always make us feel loved and warm inside. Personally, whenever we talk to you, it gives off the vibe like a child wrapped up in a safety blanket-- toasty and secured. 

You’re so strong and wise, I look up to you a lot and want to learn from you in terms of being the pillar of support. 🥺

@needs-serotonin -- Joanna! Muffin, you’re another one of the sweetest, most supportive people in the server. You’re so honest about what you say in the group and know when to say it at the exact time.

Also Joanna, you give off a really cool vibe! Initially, I was a bit shy and unsure on how to approach you but overtime as I warmed up to you, you’re actually pretty easy to get along with! I would love to get to know you better, let’s talk more dear. 

2. Deku protection squad! (Aka dps) :

@suckersuki -- Lei! Sugarplum, you are another one of the sweetest, most supportive people I’ve ever met. You are always there for us when we need it and I love how crackhead you can get hahaha, I still remembered that time when we teased you by shipping you with shinsou hehe. Anyways, back to the original topic of appreciating you, you are a great listener and offer good advice! Also, you’re very easy to talk to and give off a cute vibe! 

Did I mention that I love your writing as well? Your style consists of a mixture of comedy and seriousness. Like, your hcs for the tik tok trend and argument scenario for the bnha boys are really funny; on the other hand, your fic with yandere shoto gives off a completely different aura and it sent shivers down my spine. Miss, pls spare some of them writing skills.

@babydabi -- Mei! Gingerbread, you are a another kind, loving and supportive soul that I have the honor of meeting in the dps. You are really easygoing and considerate. You are not afraid to speak up for your friends, but you do it with a careful choice of words and this shows that you’re really considerate.

As for your writing style, it is much like yourself. You know how to choose the best words to express what you want to and you’re cautious doing so. As I can be a little indecisive on deciding my choice of words, I’d love to learn from you! 

@bakugoustanaccount — Bri! Dear, tbh I was a little intimidated by your vibe when I first met you, bc you just seemed so cool,,, and I’m awkward and still don’t really know how to socialise well with people. But after interacting with you more, you’re actually pretty chill! Let’s talk more, I’d love to get to know you better.

As for your writing style, it has a certain smooth flowing, poetic aesthetic. I fell in love with it the moment I read your latest fic. The way you phrased everything is just so fitting! Pls teach me your ways miss.

@bnhatrashh -- Izzy! Luv, you give off a similar vibe like bri, so I was also kind of intimidated by you at first. But like bri, I opened up to you more and here we are! Let’s get to know each other better, I’d like to talk to you more often.

And I really love, love your way of writing! Your writing style has a pleasant, smooth homey vibe. It’s very soothing to the eyes and your vocabulary complements it really well! 

@cellotonin  —cookie! Love, you’re another one of the sweetest and most supportive people in the dps server ahhhh. You’re always ready to support us whenever and I love your vibe! I’d like to get to know you better sweetie.

Also, I love the way you write! it’s so sweet, warm and ahh so pretty 🥺, did I mention that I love your blog’s aesthetic and theme as well? Your style of writing is mellow and gorgeous! I would love to learn some of that from you pls.

 @hoekaashi — Ash! Dear, you give off a cool and mature vibe. You’re like the awesome aunt of the dps. When I first spoke to you in the dps, I was like “this person is really cool, I’m kinda scared if I mess up”, but that thought quickly faded as I chatted with you more. You’re not only cool, but also super chill, supportive and easygoing! Let’s talk more, I’d love to know you better. 

Also, I really love your way of writing! It has this realistic touch and lets people have the feeling of being in that scenario/situation. Plus, the flow of words are smooth and complements your style! Keep up the good work dear, I look forward to see more works from you in the future.

@xoxo-dede — Dede! Darling, you’re bold, outspoken and really cool. You speak your mind and I like that, also I love your crackhead side. Most of the time, you can say the most hilarious and crackhead things that never fail to crack us up (hahaha, see what I did there? Ok I’ll stop) , you’re a big bouncy ball of energy that we simply can’t get enough of! Oh, and your art style is really cool too!

As for your writing style, it’s simple but has that realistic vibe, like I can see what’s happening clearly through your words and that’s really amazing! Your writing is gorgeous dear.

3. 我的家庭!= my family (tree <3) 

@moonlit-xio -- Ara! My sweetpea, love. You are the sweetest, kindest and most understanding sweetheart I have ever met. You are so selfless and loving, making sure that we’re always accounted for and put us before you. You always make sure to give us the attention, love and support. But love, please let us give you back the love and attention too, for you deserve them as much as us. And you’re absolutely adorable!

And did I mention that the headcanons you come up with for us in the server are absolutely 100% beautiful and on point? No? Well, now you know, because they are. Queen ara, your writing is gorgeous, has a poetic touch and deserves more love, your descriptive skills are immaculate! The words you use to express your writings is just immaculate. Also, you’re very musically talented! Your music taste is delectable and refreshing, not to mention that you have the voice of a siren as well. Your singing is lovely, sweetpea.

@sunshhinnee -- Sunni! My darling pudding, love you are literally sunshine (hahaha,get it? Okay, I’ll stop). You’re so bright, positive and always look at the good side of things even if the going starts to get tough. You bring a warm and chaotic good atmosphere to our server, which serves as a nice distraction whenever I had a bad day or feel upset about something. 

Also, your art-style is really really cute! I like your shortcut way of drawing expressions and the anatomy of your characters haha. It’s not too detailed but you can tell what their expressions are saying and their poses are clear.

@bumbbo -- Max! Bubblegum, you’re another one of the most adorable people I ever met. You’re really easygoing and chill, but can be chaotic good sometimes, I like how crackhead you can get when Sunni is in on it too, haha. I especially love it when you two send memes and funny tiktoks to the group, I do enjoy them very much! Also, have I mentioned how much of a cutie and sweetheart you are? You’re so caring, giving and strong. Always willing to help out and so patient with us.🥺

Also, you have great taste in music and you’re great at writing too! Have I mentioned how on point your headcanons you wrote for us are? If I haven’t, now you know <3. Oh, and your editing skills are superb too! 

@sondering-thoughts -- Aria! Macaron, you’re another one of the sweetest, most understanding, and supportive people in our server. You’re like the server’s mom, living up to your nickname. You always watch out for us and make sure that we are doing well; if we felt down, you never fail to cheer us up by writing comfort headcanons for us and console us with the words we need to hear! Thank you so much, for doing all that for us dear 🥺 Also, the way you fluster us? You’re a pro at it snjssk, you make us blush so easily that it’s unfair 😭😭

And speaking of writing, you sure have a way with words macaron! Your writing has a poetic take in it, which is something I hope to incorporate into my writing style one day.

@what-a-creative-username --Liana! Chocolate chip! My bro to my bromance, the kuroo to my bokuto, the bread to my shinya! Bro, you are another 100% cutie plus sweetie! I love it when you’re being chaotic along with the rest of them and spam the group with memes and chaotic Youtube vines/vids lmao. Also, the aesthetics you made for us are so pretty ahh! 

Besides that, you’re also really considerate and willing to lend an ear. I still remember when I was anxious and vented to you and you let me rant. Then you reassured me and comforted me, which both calmed me down successfully. Thank you love, I appreciate that gesture very much 🥺 . I miss your presence very much in the server, hope we’ll get to talk again and raise hell all together soon!

@txmxkis --Linds! Cake pop, dearie you’re another kind, loving and sweet soul I have the fortune of meeting in the server. If Ari is the mother, then you’re the cool aunt who’s always wiling to hype us up! And support us when we feel down or need someone to vent to ofc. You’re really chill, easygoing and so adorable! Even though you can be a lil mischief and fluster us on purpose sometimes, not that I’ll ever admit it  Your vibe is rly pretty, and okay...I admit that I like you flustering me...maybe a little bit. 

Honourable mentions! :

@cosmicskin --Lily, my dear love. Honestly you’re the sweetest person I first met on tumblr. Back then when you gave me that shout out, I felt happy, shocked in a good way, and honored all at the same time. And yet, you claim that you are not an angel. Sweetie, you are wrong. You are an angel, even if you claim that you are not. And the way you write? Immaculate, your fluff works have a poetic vibe in them and I’m in love with it. Even though you are no longer writing, I still want to say a very big thank you. Thank you for giving us so many beautiful, gorgeous stunning works. 

@keigos-dove --Eli my sweet! Dear, you are another lovely soul that I’m really fortunate to meet here. I still remember that time when I asked you to proofread a fic of mine and you did, giving me your honest opinion about it 🥺, so thank you very much for that love! Also, you’re really easygoing and I love the way you carry yourself, you’re not only sweet, but also really cool! I love talking to you and the way you write? Absolutely gorgeous. There’s something about your writing that’s just... so pretty and it tugs at my heartstrings! Keep up the good work, gorgeous! 

@seashellsandshores--Emmie dear! Another fellow sweetheart that I have the honor of meeting here. Dearie, you are really chill and easygoing. I like how easy it is to talk to you and rant to you about ons besides bnha lmao, it has been a while but I want to let you know that I enjoy the time I spend with you and hopefully we’ll get to talk again! Also, the fact that you gave me and your fanfic writer friends a shout out on your birthday says that you are not only a sweetheart, but you’re also a really kind and supportive soul 🥺. And boy, your writing? beautiful. Your url complements your writing style perfectly. Your style is simple, but gorgeous and I can easily imagine what is happening in your fics, like I can mentally picture the scene and hear what the characters are saying. Keep up the good work sweetie! 

@birds-have-teeth -- Ashi sweetie! Again, I just want to say a very big welcome back. I hope that you have been resting well during your break sweetheart 🥺. Also, I was caught off-guard when you posted that appreciation post! How dare you do that when I was least expecting it >:c, you have no idea how flustered I felt when I read that ahhhh 🥺. You are such a sweet, supportive, easygoing and loving person, I really love talking to you! And the way you write? IT IS STUNNING, BREATH-TAKING MMM PERFECTION. The flow of words and vocabulary are just so in sync! Immaculate! Also, your art style is really awesome too! I look forward to see more works from you and can’t wait to get back on a regular basis of talking to you again💕

@90s-belladonna -- Aixa! Queen, you’re another one of the coolest, most easygoing people I have ever met! I was kind of awkward when i first talked to you in our dms on twitter, but overtime we got closer and could talk about almost anything! I really love love your laid-back chill vibe, let’s talk more lovely, I enjoy talking to you a lot! Also, have I mentioned how delectable your writing is? Even though most of your works that I’ve read are headcanons, i can say that your writing style is sophisticated yet easy on the eyes. The way you write takes my breath away, I look forward to see more works from you! Keep up the good work <3

@pastelgurlie --Kassy dear, you are really dynamic, funny and outspoken.Thank you for approaching me first on wattpad and dming me, you give off a really fun and cheerful vibe that makes you easy to be around with. Initially,  I was a little stiff and unsure on how to interact with you, but fortunately you were patient and willing to stick around until I came out of my shell ^-^.  Oh, also did I mention how cool your artstyle is? Your style consists of a semi-realistic coupled with elements of anime in it and that’s really awesome! And the way you draw my and Amy’s oc for free? That’s so sweet of you 🥺. 

@adelheidvonschicksal -- Adel my love, you’re another sweet supportive babe I have the fortune of meeting here! You’re really chill, laid-back cool and I feel like a fan living the dream of befriending her idol when I talk to you! You are the very first Shoto blog I came across on Tumblr, and when I first read your works, I fell in love with them. And to have you follow me back, ahh I feel so honored 🥺! And as for your writing style, it is immaculate! I read most of your fics, including the nsfw ones (cough) and they have this beautiful, realistic touch. You characterize the characters rly well and it’s like I can picture what is happening in your works in my head! Keep up the good work, senpai 🥺, I look forward to more amazing works from you.

@lavander-cherry--Cheska! Dear, my second writing senpai for shoto. First I want to say it’s good to have you back! it has been a while since we last talked and tbh, I felt a little sad when I saw your announcement about leaving the bnha writing community, still I do respect your decision back then! And now, I feel really happy that you are back writing for this fandom. Your works are superb, dear! Your characterization is on point and your flow of words complements it very well. Also, I like how you are not afraid to speak your mind and how bold you are, let’s talk again soon!

@shoutodoki --Val! Dear, ahhhh you are another sweetheart that I'm so so fortunate to meet here! You're really easygoing and sweet and it's really easy to talk to you. Your vibe is gorgeous and I cannot stress enough on how much I adore your writings! The flow of words throughout your stories, works and headcanons is just so immaculate and aesthetically pleasing! Even though you have deactivated your acc, I just want to say a very big thank you. Thank you for all of your wonderful works that you have written, you have been a really big inspiration to many writers(including me), I’m sure of that. 

@random-mha-thoughts -- Rachel! Sweetheart, dear I still remembered the way you first helped me back then, we didn’t know each other at all, and yet you were so willing to stand up for and help me! I’m trully grateful for the help you provided so so much. And thank you, also for sticking by me even after that and being such a kind soul after all this while. Let’s continue to be friends sweetie!

As for your writing, it’s simple and sweet. The way you write brings a mellow feeling that’s very pleasant to the viewers, it brings about a fluffy feeling and is easy on the eyes. Look forward to more works from you! Keep up the good work! 

@min-atoo --Minny my sweet! Man, it has been 3 years since we known each other hasn’t it? You’re just the sweetest, super understanding and kindest person ever! I’m really glad to call you one of my closest friends <333. You’re really easy to hang out with and I love the vibe you give off so much! I still remember the moment when we got into a discussion about what todo’s beard color would be on ig lol. It’s really fun hanging out with you, and yoi and chessie ofc. We should get tgt and have a discord grp call sometime! 

Oh, and you have the cutest artstyle ever! The pastel colours you use and the chibi aesthetic you have go perfectly together! All of your works are very easy on the eyes and are super cute! Let’s stay in touch bb x

Make sure to show some love to these lovely ppl that I tagged above by giving them a follow! Oh, I also want to show some love to @dee-madwriter , @dimplesum , @heroprose @kingtamakimurder @love-toxin  @lovelove-dere , @yandere-daydreams, @trafalgar-temptress @wonderwomanfantasy, @combust-catalyst @talpup @shoutogepi and @bnhabadass ! They are some amazing fanfic authors as well so go follow them if you haven’t already :3

Words cannot express how much I love and appreciate every one of you, both my friends I have tagged in this post and my dear followers. I am very thankful for every one of you, let’s work hard together! 

So, what’s next? Since that I am back for now, i will finish off the belated birthday fics I left unfinished for some of my lovely writer friends above, move on to one last request from the last time and finish off some fics of mine. As for when I will re-open requests...they are put on hold until further notice. Oh and I'll be clearing my asks and tags at the same time.

Until then, see y'all soon!

[tinysatansierra-blog]

Markiplier manor is toxic here’s why

So Markiplier manor (Markipliers official discord server) has gotten a surplus of new people in it, this happened a few weeks ago the manor itself though has been up for awhile. originally a members only server it was eventually opened up for everyone and yes there are alot of genuinely good people and the mods are alright but unfortunately its becoming a toxic environment. 

SO EDIT i have discussed with the mods that being said ... im keeping this up as a reminder of we can do better we can help people who are struggling through something instead of shutting them down we can listen to people who are being oppressed and bravely point out new media that only worsens that oppression and stigmatization and not just the mods who i was kind of harsh towards but who are human everyone as a community can do better and this is a large community think of the work we can do just doing the basics like boycotting problematic content and helping those who cry out for it who need it (and noticing and shutting down manipulative/toxic behaviors) ... i dont know if im going to go back to the manor yet tho im going to let this sit give it a week yall can agree or disagree but know that if you try to be an ass your going to get shut down and your feelings are going to get hurt 

lets start with the basics “triggering topics” triggering topics can be anything in particular but it generally means a topic that relates to another persons trauma. Now while it is important to acknowledge a persons trigger words and try to keep the conversation respectable ive also noticed people use it to shut down people who come on freaking out because their dealing with a stressful situation/something traumatic just happened. This has happened to me personally and to a friend with me it was about being pro choice and having to in short make that actual choice. i was discussing this in the bathroom because i (like anyone else who comes in with baggage) did not know about any pro choice discords at that moment and was afraid of being stigmatized or going onto a discord that says its a safe space only for it to be filled with trolls. Mark manor is labeled as a safe space and many people come on there looking for support with me no one told me that the topic was triggering to them (which apparently it was because a friend of theirs had to make the choice not her herself think what you will) they just went to a mod early on when i just found the server as a member a friend (who i wont name) had gotten.... assaulted majority of her werent online and as someone who has been there and yes when she told me it did trigger my own trauma she needed moral support... the mod shut her down and deleted her comments and didnt give her a pointer to any other discord where she could discuss the topic openly and get moral support and be pointed to resources (it actually took me ten minutes to find and confirm a lgbtq therapy chat earlier this year for another individual discussing mental health) this was before i had gotten on for that day but i noticed those messages and i contacted her when she told me what was up yea it triggered my memories and its not fun but I FUCKING HELPED HER i made sure she went to the police to atleast file a statement (while the police dont always help it is good to have it on file) i even made her a plush and shipped it out to her and i would do it again and again because its not good to basically tell another person to shut up because it triggers others not without atleast trying to help them find another fucking place and making sure their actually ok and in a physical safe place  next is them claiming the manor is a “safe space” a safe space is by definition  “ a place or environment in which a person or category of people can feel confident that they will not be exposed to discrimination, criticism, harassment, or any other emotional or physical harm.” you would also think that the manor would be a safe space in the fact that marginalized and oppressed groups of people would be able to point out problematic content and have an open and free discussion about it and how it makes them uncomfortable. especially people of lgbtq community which alot of people in that chat are. yesterday (and this was what caused me to officially turn away from the server) in the patio (which is the members only chat) a Transgender individual pointed out the problematic content that is huniepop and how it fetishizes trans people as well as other minorities now this game i hear tries to make itself out as a “parody” .... its not its a sexual dating sim what would make it a parody is if sex noises were replaced with donkey sounds and the lewd pictures were replaced with poorly drawn doodles of tits or what have you its a game for incels marks hilarious when he plays it because he doesnt take the game seriously my issue isnt with him its with the developer. and if you did not know (which apparently people dont) the character poli is described as “a girl with a dick” the individual pointed this out because they felt like it dehumanizes them and paints them as nothing more than a fetish... and also apparently you can “choose” is poli is trans which kind of gives off the message that people can ignore trans peoples identity if it makes them uncomfortable... or if they dont sexualize them. and the muslim community is more or less in the same boat i come from the bible belt in usa im not muslim i am not trans but i do have a reason for standing with both and i will get to that in a bit so i was raised in a christian household in a christian setting like muslim women were basically told we cannot have sex and any sexual thought is sinful and we will be punished blah blah blah your even more closeted if your gay or bi because then you can face ... violence that being said to make the woman from the middle east hyper sexual like they did is kind of shitty even for a incel pleasing sex game. the individual who thought it would be ok to discuss this in the server because its labeled as a safe space and is generally “lgbtq” friendly thus believing he would have people agree and discuss ... was unceremoniously shut down by their peers and a mod was notified this person was not hostile maybe a bit frustrated because he wanted to talk about it and thought he would have this genuinely helpful conversation and people would listen and spread the word because to have problematic content be popular can isolate the oppressed group even more so WHEN NO ONE WANTS TO LISTEN TO THEM. if a group of marginalized people notice something problematic with content and you claim to be an ally of said group then you need to acknowledge and support what they say. they told him to go to twitter where he could potentially be bullied and written off ... because again its an INCEL PLEASING SEX GAME.(which means incels if you ever dealt with them will go and say anything to justify the game even using slurs and bullying) and to put the icing on the cake to change the topic they brought up robin ... i actually dont know who robin is as i dont really focus much on youtube creators personal stuff (it feels off for me to not personally know an individual but know their personal stuff without having actually talking to them its weird i know its a thing i have in my head) but apparently they recently came out as female and good for them im super proud of him and the patio members were discussing how they were proud of him as well for beginning to wear makeup and making themselves more feminine which would be great if they werent trying so hard to shut down the trans male who was trying to spread awareness on problematic stuff .... something he pointed out ... and something they gaslighted and said he was being hostile. really its almost as if they only care about trans issues when its someone famous discussing them  so what can we possibly do about huniepop being transphobic and the answer is very easy BOYCOTT IT like... yall were up in arms and boycotted jk rowling with snap and a turn do we only cancel the old and ugly? do we only cancel those who we dont think is funny? mark is not at fault he probably doesnt realize it and any comments made on the issue are talked down upon or drowned amongst other comments im not saying to cancel him im saying to cancel the game HARD. ignore the posts bitch at the dev demand refunds for your game. like consumers have infinitely more power than corps want to admit.  so you basically have a community that claims to be a safe space but only if you want to talk about sunshine and rainbows and its highly hypocritical of them to claim safety.  another thing is emotionally abusive/manipulative people hide in the server and the mods dont ever seem to acknowledge it. i cannot tell you how many times ive gotten into arguments with people who seems nice then turn into assholes then claim to be the victim when i or others go off on them. if you recognize my name you know i dont stand down when it comes to having a snarky or rude comment thrown at me if your going to be an ass were fighting i dont care how nice you seemed beforehand and you dont get to call a mod just because i actually stood up for myself or others sorry not sorry dont be a bitch nuff said.  now why would i care so much about problematic content? why would i care and stand by the transgender and muslim people (aside from being ya know... an actual ally and not someone who claims it for sympathy and brownie points?) its because i am autistic i am also able to function well on my own but there is a movie created by the famous singer sia it is called music it is a movie frowned upon by the autisitic community because infantizes and dehumanizes non verbal autistic people i am fortunate and unfortunate in not having to deal with much stigma unfortunate because i wasnt diagnosed until i was 17 alot of answers about my behavior could have been answered if i had been diagnosed earlier but considering society loves the quiet timid female and i functioned “well” for neurotypicals i was ignored. so yea you bet your ass im standing with them and raising awareness about huniepop and their was this one person when i mentioned this point i cant remember there name nor to do i give a shit about them because when i mentioned how autistic people ... how i was in the same boat with music by sia (again i advise that no one target the actress who was under contract target sia and please boycott her so she knows she cant get brownie points or money for a movie that stigmatizes who she claims she wants to “help” (*cough* profit off of *cough cough*) and only serves as a feel good movie for neurotypicals and ignorant people)  they said “i heard people who hated the movie i heard people who found it alright people are ALLOWED to like problematic content” ... and like ... does anyone else see the problem here? its not hard at all to boycott celebrities for making content  and im going to repeat this point  IF A GROUP OF MARGINALIZED, STIGMITIZED AND OPPRESSED PEOPLE CALL OUT SOMETHING FOR BEING PROBLEMATIC AND YOU CLAIM TO BE AN ALLY YOU FUCKING LISTEN TO THEM AND DONT SHUT THEM DOWN I DONT GIVE A SHIT YOU DONT HAVE A FUCKING EXCUSE. if you cant bring yourself to boycott a piece of media and replace it with the infinitely more suitable forms that supports the group you claim to be for your not an ally your a fucking hypocrite  and that is why i left markiplier manor i am still a youtube special ... thingy member and i will continue to be a member to support mark i want people to overall listen to those who speak up against a creator and a piece of media and listen to us all no matter how “good” something seems. .. also there is a video called listen it was created by nonverbal autistic people  and communicationFIRST a group that sia apparently communicated with for her movie... and then ignored  https://youtu.be/H7dca7U7GI8