#also I noticed while I was drawing this I always make Noah the girl

[starryluminary]

If Noco were a canon couple’s stereotypes: The Funniest Guy Around and The Surfer Girl Guy

Oh my gosh, Izzy- it was so bad!

[albertasunrise]

Hopelessly Blind - Hope

Masterlist

Summary: After Joel loses his wife and your best friend during childbirth. You support him as he takes on parenthood on his own at 22. But when feelings start to develop, you battle with the guilt you feel for falling for your best friend’s husband.

Relationships: Joel Miller x Reader

Warnings: Like AO3 I choose to give none. Read at own risk. 18+… this is to avoid spoilers! (Sorry this has taken a while. Trying to do as much writing as I can, when I can, but ya know how it is 🤷🏼‍♀️😅… hope this was worth the wait 😘)

Series Masterlist - Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7

The weekend of Joel's BBQ was quickly upon you. You had originally planned to bail and had concocted several, of what you thought were solid lies, to get yourself out of attending the event. Still, when Tommy had bumped into you at the bar a few days prior whilst you had a few drinks with Simion, a chap from work you had started seeing, he had invited him too. So now you were stuck with no good reason to avoid what you knew was going to be a painfully awkward afternoon.

Simion was nice. You had been on a few dates since Sandy had come onto the scene. You had hoped that getting back out there would help put a dampener on these feelings you had for Joel but alas, those pesky butterflies still tore you up inside when you knocked on Joel's door and was greeted by a smiley Sarah.

"Hey, sweetheart." You said sweetly as you pecked her on the cheek "Noah is just grabbing the desert from the car if you wanna help him." You finished with a wink, chuckling as she sprinted out the door.

You announced your arrival and placed the beers that you had bought in the fridge, rubbing your sweaty palms down the front of your jeans. You turned to Simion and gave him a nervous smile before motioning your head in instruction to follow you outside. There you found Joel getting the grill set up whilst Tommy set up the lawn games. Ali was already there, having had a sleepover with Sarah the night before.

"Hi, Mum." She called out from her spot on Joel's swing seat, her nose of course buried in a book.

"Hey, baby." You called out as you placed a kiss on the crown of her head "You enjoy your sleepover with Sarah?"

She nodded excitedly before going into detail about the movies they'd watched and how Joel had braided their hair so it would be curly for today. At the mention of his name, you turned to see him watching you closely, his eyes then flicking to the man beside you and you could have sworn his features grew darker.

"I hope she was okay?" You called out to him as you took a few nervous steps closer.

"Yup. Good as always." He replied rather abruptly and you winced at his tone.

Yes… this was going to be an exceedingly painful afternoon.

Once the food was served and beers were in hand, things went from bad to unbearable. Tommy had spent an hour interrogating Simion but to your surprise, the man took it in his stride, chuckling at how absurd some of the questions were.

"We just wanna make sure you're gonna treat our girl good, right brother?" Tommy stated as he nudged Joel but his brother simply shrugged.

"Sure."

Tommy gave his brother an incredulous look, his brows drawing together before he returned his attention to you and the man sitting beside you. You couldn't help but notice how cold Joel's behaviour was. Just a week ago he was practically pleading with you not to bail on all the small traditions your two families had started and now he was looking at anyone and anything but you. He'd barely spoken two words to you either.

"Where's Sandy?" You asked a little while later. The woman's absence had not gone unnoticed and you had also noted that no apologies had been given by either Joel or Tommy for her absence.

"We broke up." Joel replied casually with a shrug of his shoulders and you couldn't stop the look of surprise from spreading across your face.

"Oh?" You said as you tried to bury the small thrill that ran through you "I'm sorry to hear that. What happened?"

"I'm sure you are." He replied coldly and you felt your patience snap.

"Do you have a problem, Miller?" You growled, taking a small amount of satisfaction from the look of surprise that filled his face as he looked at you "You've been an asshole to me and Simion ever since we arrived."

"Babe."

"No!" You interrupted your date as you continued to rip into Joel "We don't need to put up with this." You growled "Ali, baby get your stuff we're leaving. Noah sweetie, can you help her and meet us by the car."

"But mum-"

"No buts." You said sternly, not taking your eyes off of Joel "Just do it please."

Ali and Noah didn't answer back. They simply scurried off and did as you asked, leaving you, Tommy, Simion and Joel in an increasingly charged situation. When you finally broke your staring match with Joel, you stormed into the house to gather your things. Simion helped you, grabbing a few of your things and taking them to the car for you, desperately trying to get out of the house and away from what had become one of the worst afternoons you'd ever experienced. You could hear Tommy screwing at his brother through the kitchen window and you tried to ignore how satisfying it felt for the younger Miller to stick up for you for one.

You were finishing up portioning the pudding you had made into bowls and covering them in clingfilm when Joel walked into the kitchen. He watched you as you finished what you were doing before finally piping up.

"You didn't have to do that." He said, his tone different from how it had been prior to you blowing up at him.

"I made enough for all of us. Tommy and Sarah shouldn't have to miss out just because you decided to be an asshole." You growled as you placed the bowls in the fridge "Heat it in the microwave for 3 minutes when you want it." You stated before covering the rest of the desert.

Joel called your name as you scaled his kitchen but you refused to look at him. Carrying the desert over to the table, you grabbed your coat and slung it on.

"Will you just stop a moment!" He growled out and you did but still you didn't look at him.

"I'm sorry okay." He sighed as he scraped a large hand over his face "I was being an asshole… I just. I have shit going on okay and I took it out on you."

"If you have shit eating at you, you can talk to me, Joel."

"Can I?" He asked and it was your turn to look confused "Just last week you were telling me that you were going to be too busy to hang out and now you're here with a guy and-"

"What does Simion have to do with this?" You asked and Joel's mouth snapped shut as he looked away, unable to answer your question "Thanks for a lovely afternoon, Joel." You snorted as you picked up the desert you had brought and headed to the door "Not." You mumbled under your breath as you walked out the door, leaving a very guilty older Miller in your wake.

"So you just let her go?" Tommy asked as he walked in from the garden "Not gonna tell her why you've been such an insufferable ass this afternoon."

"She's with someone now. Doesn't matter." Joel growled out before walking back outside, noting how Sarah was sitting on the swing seat with her own book in her hands. He could see that she'd been crying and he felt his anger come to a head but not at you. At himself for his inability to just let shit go.

Noah found you that evening, sitting on the couch nursing a coffee and he assumed it was likely dosed with Baileys. It was your go-to drink when you needed cheering up and after the awkward conversation that he had overheard between you and Simion earlier, he knew you likely needed some cheering up.

"You doing okay mum?" He asked and you nodded before taking a small sip of your drink "You need anything?" He asked and you shook your head.

"No thank you, sweetie." You said, your voice cracking as you spoke "I'm sorry about earlier."

"Don't be." Noah said as he sat down beside you and pulled you into a comforting embrace "I'm sorry about Simion." He said after a while and you let out a shuddering breath before taking another sip of your coffee.

"Don't know what I was thinking with him, to be honest." You sighed, wiping your tears away with your sleeve "Too soon after your dad anyway."

"You know… Just before he died, Dad told me something." You looked at Noah with furrowed brows as you waited for him to continue and the boy smiled at you "He said that you and Joel had been pretty sweet on each other before he came along."

"Noah-"

"He said that he knew that the two of you were just hopelessly blind to it." He continued as his eyes drifted to a framed photo of Alec on the wall "He said that he'd always felt a little guilty for getting in the way of you two finding each other but that he was two head over heels not to want to keep you for himself."

You chuckled at that, your own eyes then drifting to the photograph that your son was looking at.

"You know it's okay." He said after a short pause and you looked back at him again "If you and Joel want to be together. I'd be okay with it."

"But Sarah…"

"We'd work it out, mum." He said as he smiled sweetly at you "All I care about is that you're happy and if being with Mr Miller does that then who are we to stop you."

"It doesn't matter baby." You said, stroking his dark locks and giving him a soft smile "Joel doesn't have feelings for me."

"But-"

"Let's just drop it okay?" Noah nodded but he knew that you were hiding something. He just wished you'd let yourself be happy for once.

.

A knock at your front door tore you away from the TV show that you had on but you weren't really watching. What Noah had said to you was still running laps in your mind and you didn't know what to make of it. Had Alec really been able to see how you felt about Joel?

Answering the door, you were surprised to see Joel standing there. Scratching the back of his neck nervously as he shifted from leg to leg as he waited for you to say something.

"What do you want Joel?" You asked, trying to feign disinterest at his sudden appearance at your door.

"Can we talk?" He asked, his brown eyes killing any resolve you had.

You motioned for him to come in before making your way to the kitchen, pouring him a mug because you knew he'd want one. He thanked you as you handed him the mug and then you both proceeded to sit in awkward silence for what felt like an age.

"So… what was it you wanted to talk about?"

"I wanted to apologise for earlier." He replied, staring at the black liquid in his mug "I was an ass and you and Simion didn't deserve that."

"You're right." You grumbled and he looked at you then, noting your expression was impossible to read "We didn't."

"I wanted to apologise to him too but I guess I'll have to when I next see him."

"We broke up." You stated plainly and Joel's head jumped back at this piece of information.

"Why?" He asked and you snorted.

"Why do you think?" You growled, "He was invited to a BBQ at the house of the chick he's dating's best friend's house and said best friend acting like a complete Hozer all afternoon."

Joel uttered your name but you continued.

"As soon as we got back he told me that he couldn't get involved in whatever drama we had going on and left." You finished as you threw back the last of your coffee.

"I'm sorry." Joel muttered again and you let out a humourless laugh as you stood to refill your drink.

"Yeah well, so am I."

"Look I-"

"Why were you being such an ass?" You interrupted him again, leaving him to flounder for an answer "I'm sorry that you and Sandy broke up and all that but it's not fair to take it out on me."

"We broke up because of you." He rushed out and your mouth snapped shut as your eyes grew wide.

"What do you mean, because of me?" You asked after a short pause and Joel let out a long sigh before he answered.

"After that night when you told me that you wouldn't be around a while, she came over and I was talking to her about what it was that I had done wrong." He started and you shook your head as you answered.

"You didn't do anything wrong Joel."

"But then she told me that you had feelings for me." This statement made your body jolt and you opened your mouth to answer but didn't get the chance "She said that it was really obvious that you had feelings for me so I went to your house to talk to you about it…" He trailed off as his eyes grew sad at the memory "I parked up across the street and I was about to get out of my truck when you answered opened your door and there was Simion."

"Joel-"

"I knew she was wrong but to see it with my own two eyes just felt like a punch to the gut." He sighed "So a few days later I called it off with Sandy. Then Tommy told me he'd run into you and your new boyfriend and that he had invited him to the BBQ and I just… I dunno I just wanted to hate him so badly because he was with you and-"

Joel didn't get to finish his sentence. He was silenced by your lips on his and pulling away you grinned at him like a cat who'd gotten the cream before saying "She wasn't wrong." The two of you stared at each other for a moment. The air between you crackled with pent-up energy before you were both kissing again. You both allowed 10 years' worth of feelings to bleed into this kiss. You both felt like you needed to make up for lost time. Like if you stopped this kiss, the moment would disappear like a puff of smoke and it would have never happened.

So you didn't think twice when you opened Joel's jeans and pulled out his straining erection. Grinning at the whimper your hand around his member pulled from him. You climbed onto his lap and in the blind of an eye, your underwear was being pushed to one side and you were sliding down his impressively thick length.

You rested your brow against his as you allowed yourself a moment to adjust. It had been a while since you'd fucked anyone so the burn was both delicious but also took your breath away. Yet, when his hands cupped your ass and urged you to move, you soon found yourself languidly bouncing on his lap, moaning into his mouth as he hit your sweet spot as if he were made for you.

"Fuck, you feel incredible." He purred in your ear as you fought hard not to scream his name, his thumb not rubbing your needy clit and bringing you closer to your orgasm.

"Fuck." You whimpered as you bounced a little faster in his lap "Fuck Joel… you're gonna make me cum." You sobbed and he grinned.

"Cum." He purred in your ear and you did, squeezing him so tight that he fell over the edge with you.

Then the two of you were left panting in each other's arms as you soaked in the after-sex bliss. Kissing each other lazily as you came down from your highs.

"What does this mean?" You asked after a pleasant bout of silence and Joel smiled as he answered.

"It means, can I take you for dinner this week?" You smiled at him sweetly as you kissed him in answer, feeling him start to harden inside you again.

"Definitely."

Next

For updates follow @albertasunrise-ficsblog

[hakureiryuu]

part 1

episode 2, and I just noticed the episode titles that call the flashback b plots minisodes. what's that about?

not-quite-a-liveblog ahoy!

crowley looks so effing weird in this outfit?? maybe it's the glasses, they're so anachronistic, almost steampunk.

I actually thought he was talking about isaac or something here lol

birds flying away after crowley firebombs the goats lmao

saying that eve was the first human birth implies that she is adam's daughter???? which I guess makes about as much sense as a single breeding pair populating the planet, we all know how much inbreeding that would take.

(side note: I remember this Flood adaptation movie that had emma watson in it. noah wanted to kill off all the humans and just let the animals survive. he said while watson was pregnant that if her twin kids were boys, they could live and humans would just die out. but if they were girls who could grow up to be mothers, he would kill them. and I'm like, implying that their father/grandfather/uncles would be the ones impregnating them? nevermind the incest, what about the age gap??? but anyway)

ofc when gabriel claimed to be an expert in human birth I immediately thought of mary, but that hasn't happened yet. I mean it makes sense that this idiot would think eve counts, but couldn't he at least make it to cain??

there's something to be said about this story and elspeth's story connecting virtue with economic status. aziraphale appears to think about that when it's pointed out, but takes entirely the wrong lesson from it, as we see with elspeth later.

"but no one would ever find them- actually that's a great idea" it reads as aziraphale not wanting to deal with gabe's bullshit rather than agreeing with it, as though he hasn't done variations of the same thing for years. I still laughed tho XD

oh hey, "every day" was gonna be the original opening song for the first season! what a cute reference that will likely have little to no further relevance!

this was the point where I was like "why the hell is crowley just hanging out in that same alleyway all the time? wait a goddamn minute, did shax take his apartment?!"

it's so cute how maggie takes aziraphale's social cluelessness in stride.

the jukebox at the resurrectionist is just like the bently turning cds into queen, what a cute reference that will likely have little to no further relevance!

trumpets sound, archangels approach.

saraquel miraclling a ramp lmao

gabriel's attempts at flyswatting never work!!!!!!

I'm assuming all those newspaper clipping say "every day" etc? for some reason? someone correct me if I'm wrong, I would really love to know.

also why is he DRAWING gabriel? later he just needed it to show someone, but why not take a picture? I'm sure you have an ancient camera where you have to hide under a blanket lying around somewhere.

shooing motion miracle at the pub, hahaha

I was a good deal sus of this plan to ship nina and maggie when nina already has a partner, but that was before I realized lindsay is a piece of shit. still, it's not like they know that either! ineffable homewreckers, they are.

everyone's talked about how crowley's first thought re: romance is taking shelter from the rain 😊

but my asexual brain is somehow always teetering over the gutter, so when he said "get them wet" I blinked a bit XDD

JANE AUSTIN WHO???!?

"you think you know someone..." "she had balls!" "what?"

actually it wasn't a what, it was a well. as in "well that's not relevant to my point" like, sir, did you know this already? in what context??

meanwhile back in job's era they're having a bit of a tense discussion. this is explicitly after the flood so it makes sense that aziraphale absolutely does not believe that crowley wants to kill some kids. I wonder why lying is such a big theme in this episode? I haven't been able to really boil it down yet.

aziraphale's smug grin really breaks the tension though XDD

jemimah is adorable. the others are the product of rich parents.

these two are playing chicken with children's lives, but hey, it's about the trust 😌

"can I be a blue one?" I love her

aziraphale discovering food is so deliberately gross, why this?

so many complicated feelings from both of them about god actually talking to someone.

god's pronouns are she/they, approved.

crowley says see you in hell but the next day when sitis is about to flip god off he says actually let's walk this all back pfffft

"reach into his robes... no, higher."

when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much, they share a very special hug...

aziraphale stating flat out with no equivocation that gabriel was awful is such a huge step forward for him 😊

(while pausing to write this I noticed that john hamm is credited simply as jim, love that for him)

this is the 2nd time aziraphale has insisted "our" in the face of crowley's "my" I'm sobbing

good omens inside good omens, gomensception

aziraphale really took that "see you in hell" seriously though huh.

the gentle, simple way he says "I don't think you'd like it" hurts me and heals me.

"you're not like me because you're a demon, you're like me because you don't want to toe the party line." y'know lining up their meetings - the wall of eden, the ark, and now this - must paint a very interesting picture of aziraphale for crowley. we always thought that crowley fell for this angel nigh immediately and spent the rest of time orbiting him. now I think aziraphale fell into crowley's orbit, and crowley gradually learned more and more contradictory (and therefore interesting) things about him. like the shelter of the wing, it's all reversed in this season.

[euterpessi]

Romance Manhwa/Manga Recommendations:

Historical Manhwa/Manga:

Death Is The Only Ending For The Villainess

I’ve reincarnated as the reverse harem game’s villainess, the one and only adopted daughter of the ducal Eckart family.

But the difficulty just has to be the worst!

Everything I do will only lead me to death.

I must be paired with one of the main male characters from the heroine’s harem before the ‘real daughter’ of the duke family appears!

Two older brothers who always pick a fight with me on every little thing.

The insane crown prince whose route will always lead to my death.

‘I only see the heroine and no one else’s wizard, and also her loyal slave knight, too!

‘First, let’s take some of them which I see no hope in, out of the list!’

“I didn’t know my place up until now. From now on, I’ll live as quiet as a mouse so you wouldn’t care the slightest bit!

But why do their interests in me keep on rising every time I draw the line?!

The Villainess is a Marionette

Cayena, the Imperial Princess, was known as the most beautiful woman in the Empire. She was a woman who knew nothing but evil and luxury.

However, she was destined for ruin: she would be used as a chess piece by her younger brother to secure his throne and killed by her crazy husband.

“I’ll make you the Emperor.”

“… Sister, are you referring to me?”

“In exchange, give me freedom.”

She had to change things before she became that Cayena.

The Reason Why Raeliana Ended Up At The Duke’S Mansion

Poisoned to death by her own betrothed?! Eunha didn’t wake up in a novel’s story just to get killed off again as an unfortunate extra! To change her story she needs a cover… 6 months pretending to be the fake fiancée of the novel’s male protagonist, Duke Noah Wynknight. But will this cold-hearted, angel-faced demon of a man really help her avoid another ill-fated ending?!

Your Throne / I Want to Be You, Just For A Day

The story follows main characters Medea Solon and Psyche Callista, who become archenemies after competing for the position of crown princess of the Vasilios Empire. On the day of the Yearly Prayer, Medea and Psyche accidentally switch bodies.

The Remarried Empress

Navier was the perfect empress, however, the Emperor wanted a wife, not a colleague. And so, the Emperor abandoned Empress Navier and placed an enslaved girl beside him. That was fine until Navier heard the Emperor promise the slave the Empress’ position. After many ups and downs, Navier decided she would accept being the Queen of the neighbouring country and remarry.

Kill The Villainess

Eris Mizerian was the villainess of a novel. The only daughter of a marquis, she got executed after scheming against the pure and lovely protagonist, Helena. My only goal, after possessing her, is simply to leave this world and go home. I am prepared to face even death, but the laws of this world keep stopping me.

A changed Eris begins to draw the attention of three men who once loathed her; the Crown Prince, the High Priest, and the Knight.

"It doesn't matter. I will never be able to love this world."

Even if the only way out is death,

even if the only way out is make a deal with a witch...

I will absolutely leave this world!

This is the story of the villainess who defies fate, Eris, and her escape from this world!

The Way To Protect The Female Lead's Older Brother

I accidentally took possession of someone in a 19+ reverse harem novel.

The problem is that I became Roxana Agriche, the older sister of the sub-villain. My damn father kidnapped the heroine’s brother. Now, is the only thing left to meet a terrible end from the vengeance of the heroine?

But what if I can avoid that horrible development?

“I’m also interested in this toy.”

“I’ll protect you until you can get out of here safely.”

The heroine’s brother, Cassis Pedalian, will definitely be able to pay me back later.

Shadow Queen

“Can you be my daughter for me?”

By his offer, Elena became Duke of Franceschi’s fake daughter.

She became the queen and gave birth to Crown Prince’s son.

Then suddenly, Princess Veronica who was assumed dead came back.

She was only just a toy.

But eventually, Elena gets her son taken and is murdered.

However, she went back to the past.

“I’ll destroy all of you.”

I’ll never live as a toy again.

Elena decides to seeks revenge.

Under the Oak Tree

The daughter of a duke, the stuttering Maximilian, married a knight of lowly status at her father’s coercion.

After their first night, her husband departed for an expedition without another word.

He comes back three years later, this time as a famous knight in the whole continent.

How would Maximilian face him on his return?

"The more I think of you, the more lonely and lonely I become. I don't know why I can't quit even though it's so painful."

I'm Stanning The Prince

Angela’s fanfic became such a sensation that it even reached the Imperial Family, leading her to get arrested on charges of treason. Nevertheless, her fanfic improved the First Prince’s image, and his sister, the Princess, decides to take political advantage of this and keep Angela by their side. 

The heroine who can now fangirl to her heart’s content, and the Prince who doesn’t know how to act around her. As they bicker back and forth, they start growing closer…

Miss Not-So Sidekick

Hyejung loved to read to escape her daily stress. But that’s before she woke up inside the bizarre world of her favorite novel! Instead of the main heroine who courts three eligible men, she is now Latte Ectrie – a minor villain that everyone hates?! One way or another, it’s a chance to live out her most beloved storyline, with popcorn in hand to watch all the drama! Taking charge of the narrative takes on a whole new meaning!

Even Though I’M The Villainess, I’ll Become The Heroine!

I wasn’t able to overcome the harassment and took my life, but I was reincarnated with the perpetrator? The perpetrator is the heroine, Florre, and I am the villainess, Dahlia, who’s going to die horribly.

“They said you are a villain with neither blood nor tears, but unlike the rumors, you often shed tears.”

“Your Highness must believe all the nonsense the idiots are talking about, huh?”

Grand Duke of Cervian, the half brother of the Male lead and who will be punished for treason afterwards. He approached me. I can’t lose the man who will be my greatest ally.

“Your Highness, would you marry me?”

“Now…… what did you say?”

“And take revenge together.”

A similar situation, a fixed ending. The heroine is not the only one who knows the ending of the novel. I took a long and arduous path of revenge.

Who Made Me A Princess

The beautiful Athanasia was killed at the hands of her own biological father, Claude de Alger Obelia, the cold-blooded emperor! It’s just a silly bedtime story… until one woman wakes up to suddenly find she’s become that unfortunate princess! She needs a plan to survive her doomed fate, and time is running out. Will she go with Plan A, live as quietly as possible without being noticed by the infamous emperor? Plan B, collect enough money to escape the palace? Or will she be stuck with Plan C, sweet-talking her way into her father’s good graces?!

The Villainess Reverses the Hourglass

With the marriage of her prostitute mother to the Count, Aria’s status in society skyrocketed immediately. After leading a life of luxury, Aria unfairly meets death because of her sister Mielle’s schemes. And right before she dies, she sees an hourglass fall as if it were a fantasy. And just like that, she was miraculously brought back to the past.

“I want to become a very elegant person, just like my sister, Mielle.”

In order to face the villainess, she must become an even more wicked villainess. This was the new path Aria chose to take revenge on Mielle who murdered both her and her mother.

The Evil Lady's Hero

Junipe Magnolia, a villainess friend of the heroine in this novel called Rael Cania.

The Junipe inside the novel has always loved the male lead, Iseed. To the point where she harassed Rael out of jealousy because she's loved by Iseed.

And thus, Junipe is destinied to die in the hands of the male lead of this novel.

But one day.

"Why did I become Junipe?!"

But let's think about it, it's still one year away from the time Junipe is going to get killed by Iseed. So, I have to meet Iseed and Rael first, I'll be able to find a way out of my death if I do so.

Yeah, let's meet them first!

But, this man is just so tender-hearted and kind. Would Junipe be able to escape from this man?!

I Tamed a Tyrant and Ran Away

God gave me a chance to relive my life. Before the rebirth, I had been used for the past 400 years as the empire's sword. And so, I swore to destroy the empire. I found the young prince of the country and became his teacher. I taught him how to become a tyrant and asked for the country.

"I will do the lady's will."

He conquered the whole empire for me, and I ran away.

"I came to take you, Charlize Ronan." Dylan became a perfect tyrant and searched the entire empire for me.

"You tamed me, so why did you run away?"

Untouchable Lady

“Please, Hilise. Please die in place of Gabrielle.” My always dignified brother begged me for the first time. He wants me to die for our stepsister, whom we don't even share a drop of blood with. “For the first and last time, I ask you this.” I've always been miserable, and there is no exception this time. The seventh time that I was betrayed and killed, I was completely free of lingering feelings. “I'm glad that you're a scumbag until the end.” I won't be swayed by love anymore. It's my turn to abandon them first.

I’ll Live On As A Villainess

I reincarnated as the villainess in a book!

The one who dared to commit attempted murder on the heroine is the owner of this body?

Let's just live in a quiet place where we have fun and eat! That's what I thought for a while.

It was so, so, so cold here in the north, where I was kicked out as a punishment.

Before I froze to death, I called the Great Demon of Fire and set fire to the fireplace but...

Why isn't he going back? If you've done the job, shouldn't you go back?!

I was flustered to find out that I had signed a life contract with a demon just to start a fire but to think that I'd be responsible for relieving his desires!

The bickering romance between a big puppy demon and a small villainess lady!

It Looks Like I’Ve Fallen Into The World Of A Reverse Harem Game

When I opened my eyes, I was in a different world. I had become the game’s villainous princess who was feared by all. Not to mention… Completely naked men I didn’t even know were approaching me left and right! “Are you cold? Shall I warm you up with a hug?” “Oh? Have you not had enough yet?” Seriously, what’s up with this situation? And just how the hell am I going to get out of this freaking game?!

Father, I Don't Want to Get Married!

I’m Jubelian? The daughter of the duke and the villainess of this novel?

I managed to avoid my death with some previous knowledge about my life, as this was my second time at it. Now, I should be able to live a peaceful life!

“I’m not going to marry a man unless he has everything. I want the most wealthy, famous, and competent man there is.”

I dreamt of a glamorous life as the daughter of the duke, but my father tells me the Crown Prince who is known to be a lunatic is to be my husband! As an extraordinary measure, I couldn’t help but start a contract relationship. That is, with a handsome side character that looks better than the main one.

“Why are you trying to avoid being engaged to the prince?”

“He’s scary. I heard that he even kills his own entourage if he doesn’t like them.”

A few days later, the prince sent a terrible letter to me.

“I will not kill you.”

Oh no, did I set up another death trap for myself?

Like A Wind On A Dry Branch

"Hi, You."

Count Casarius fell victim to a plague and died suddenly, leaving behind a will stating that Rietta, his beautiful young widow of the manor, whom he tried to use as a concubine, be buried alive alongside him. Just before Rietta is buried, Archduke Axias, rumored to be a cruel tyrant, arrives at the funeral to collect the enormous debt Count Casarius still owes him.

“Everyone here seems to feel sorry for her, and I still have a debt to collect from Casarius… If I take her instead of debt, I think all of you here should be happy," he smiled.

"Hello, Temptress."

Everything was a Mistake

Roa Valrose reincarnated as villainess in the book. In order to avoid the fate of being burned at the stake, she approaches the hero, Nocton Edgar.

It hurts every time she gets closer to him. Nevertheless, for her survival, she does everything he wants her to do.

“Come again, Valrose.”

The mysterious Nocton unexpectedly sought her out every day.

Then one day, her friend for 10 years says something unknown to her.

“Actually, I have a dream. The Duke of Edgar is a terrible villain!”

He is not the hero, but the villain?

As soon as she realized that she had misinterpreted the role, she decided to get away from Nocton.

“Let’s not meet anymore.”

But the villain’s reaction was strange.

“Don’t go. You’ve always been special to me.”

She was suspicious of his sudden change of attitude.

Will she able to get rid of Nocton safely?

I Became the Tyrant's Secretary

I became the secretary of a tyrant in place of my clumsy brother to survive.

But I have so much potential for it. I’m so darn good at my job. Because I served the tyrant so well, ‘Everyone has a happy ending’.

Well then, shall I quit being a secretary and live a leisurely life now?

“Rosaline, tell me what you want.” He asked as he stepped down from his chair.

“I want to quit.”

His eyebrows twitched slightly.

“Do you want to die?”

Your highness, you never hold on to people who want to leave, so why’re you being like this to me?

Seduce the Villainess Father

After being in a bus crash, I woke up to the world of my favourite web novel.

Not only that, It was before the protagonists were born, to their parents’ world!

To stop the incoming multiple bad events.

I tried to prevent the kidnapping of the sister who is pregnant with the female lead!

But I got kidnapped instead?!

It's depressing to be kidnapped, but my body couldn't handle the mana and became a sunfish-like state

But... if I am next to the emperor who kidnapped me, my body becomes normal!

Right! The way to save that man from marrying a witch and getting killed by his son, and for someone who is vulnerable to mana such as myself to live, is for us to get married!

The Villains Savior

Set on a path to tragedy and misfortune from a young age, Aseph Randell is doomed to die a villain. That is, until the mysterious Elzay Tiathe appears in his life with a promise: "I can save you." After having vivid visions of him for so long, can Elzay untangle the twisted fate tied to Aseph... or will they both be dragged down together?

Contemporary Manhwa/Manga:

Night Crying Crow

This woman; who is she?

If something was action, it'd be action. If something was romance, it’d be romance. The A-list actor Cheon Woo Kang, who's great at every (genre), had his heart stolen away by an unknown woman who’d broken into his house!

“We'll meet again.~"

Woo Kang contracted an over imaginative illness as he drew the woman, whose name he didn't even know. In front of Woo Kang, she reappeared as the police officer Park Tae... Could the shadow of the crisis that appeared in front of them be a coincidence?

Raise wa Tanin ga Ii

Yoshino Somei would have been a normal high-schooler if not for the fact that she is the granddaughter of the leader of the Osaka-based Somei Group, the Kansai region's largest yakuza organization. One day, Yoshino hurries home after hearing of the news about the unification of Kansai and Kanto's biggest syndicates, the Somei and the Miyama groups. This, according to the article, will result in a marriage of the leaders' grandchildren—one of whom is Yoshino herself! Despite her best efforts to annul the arrangement, Yoshino has to go to Tokyo to visit her fiancé, Kirishima Miyama, who is unexpectedly nice and charming.

During their first meeting, Yoshino is swept up in various events and becomes unable to refuse moving to Tokyo, which is why, half a year later, she now lives with the Miyama group. At school, she soon realizes that Kirishima is very popular, so her relationship with him garners the hate of his fangirls and subsequently results in bullying. To make matters worse, Kirishima could not be further away from her prince charming since he, after all, was born to be a yakuza member.

Raise wa Tanin ga Ii follows Yoshino and her new life in Tokyo that is filled with nothing but troubles connected to the underworld. However, though she wishes to be as far from it as possible, this isn't Yoshino's first time dealing with the world of the Yakuza...

Positively Yours

To Hee-won’s dismay, the BFF she crushed on and her other BFF are now dating! Seriously bummed, Hee-won decides to go wild just one time, and find solace with a handsome stranger. A very satisfying one night affair has now turned into more — she’s pregnant! Fate brings them together again, and now the regimented Doo-joon is determined to do the right thing and marry her. But they’re basically strangers! Except... their bodies have been very intimately acquainted. What’s this mother-to-be to do?

True Beauty

After binge-watching beauty videos online, a shy comic book fan masters the art of makeup and sees her social standing skyrocket as she becomes her school’s prettiest pretty girl overnight. But will her elite status be short-lived? How long can she keep her real self a secret? And what about that cute boy who knows her secret?

Cheese In the Trap

Hong Sul is a ordinary college student. Yoo Jung is the school's most popular upperclass man. He's good looking, rich, smart, and even nice. However, Hong Sul thinks there's more to Yoo Jung than what meets the eye…

SPY x FAMILY

The master spy codenamed has spent his days on undercover missions, all for the dream of a better world. But one day, he receives a particularly difficult new order from command. For his mission, he must form a temporary family and start a new life?! A Spy/Action/Comedy about a one-of-a-kind family!

Doppio Senso (18+)

“What are you thinking about?”

“I’m thinking about a guy.”

KyungHyun stopped in the middle of a deep kiss and sighed. His lips began to form a smile, but his fierce glare said otherwise. Possessiveness and jealousy spread across his sculpted face.

“Will you tell me his name?”

His easygoing and languid voice reached her ears.

“Why?”

“So that I can shoot him down.”

[celmanics]

Non-Binary Fun

Summary: It’s the night after the sticking and switching. Blake has continuously said rude things, and no one has said anything in your defense and everyone won’t stop comparing the way you both look. MC starts grappling with their emotions.

Warnings: This scene always bothered me so smol angst? I also just wanted some Bobby love.

Pairings: Bobby x MC/Reader

“Don’t compare me to MC. I’m not one of these girls who has to try all the time just to look good,” Blake says, disgust etching into her features. “That isn’t Henrik’s type either. I know MC has been trying so hard this whole time, and all I did was be myself,” she continues, throwing her hair over her shoulder.

Chelsea gasps, but the rest of the islanders are silent. Chelsea says other things but I stop focusing from that moment. Henrik tells me something, giving me a look that indicates he was disappointed in me. I felt tears well up in my eyes, distinctly aware that everyone else was looking at me for a reaction. I just smiled and nodded, turning to make my way back into the villa. All I wanted was to lie down.

I heard some of the girls whispering, especially the new ones. I felt the heat rise to my cheeks but I somehow made it into the bathroom without breaking down. As I was removing my make up and getting changed, I heard a knock on the door.

“MC? Can I come in?” Bobby says from behind the closed door. I splashed some water on my face, trying to replace the redness left behind from crying in between getting dressed for bed. Once I felt like I was ready, I went to open the door.

Bobby is sitting on our old bed, his head bowed down and his hands clasped together. Despite being so enamoured by him, I couldn’t help the anger bubbling inside me. I felt the tears rush back to my eyes, but I gave him a smile.

“What’s cookin’, good lookin’?” I say to him, waiting for his smirk to come out. He stood up and crossed over to me.

“You’ve been crying,” he stated, his fingers dancing across my nose and cheeks. His brows were furrowed slightly, and his lips were pursed together in contemplation.

I laugh nervously, moving my face away from his touch. “What makes you say that?”

“Your eyes and lips get bigger while your nose and cheeks turn red. I noticed it downstairs and before, when you found out that both Marisol and Hannah were trying to crack on with Gary the morning after you guys broke up,” he said matter-of-factly. I felt my brows draw together in irritation and took a step away from him.

“Not that any of you really care about the way I feel, but I’m fine,” I snapped. He flinched slightly before moving towards me again.

“Was it because of what Blake said?” he asked. His eyes fell to the side and he shoved his hands into the pockets of his pants. “I was going to go up to her and say something, but Noah held me back. Told me that I shouldn’t get involved in the business you girls have together,” he said, in an almost whisper. I flinched when he called me a girl, but shook my head in an attempt to cover it up.

I’m not sure why I tried that, since the minute I faced him again I noticed he was looking at me quizzically. “Since when do you listen to anyone about fixing anything in this house? Aren’t you and Marisol the Official Peacekeepers?” I continued, ignoring the look he was giving me. I shoved past him and looked at our old bed. The memories of Bobby and I owl calling one another and having our boop competitions flooded, knocking the wind out of me and making me even more confused as to where to go.

“Hey, MC, talk to me. There’s a lot going on in your head, I can tell. Let me in,” he says from directly behind me, before spinning me around to face him. “Please,” he whispers, his lips resting against my forehead.

“It’s not fair. How come she gets to tell me all those things now she’s coupled up with Henrik? I had no choice but to stay with him, someone I wasn’t interested in, someone who broke us up, and someone who I always turned down but someone who convinced himself I wanted him? The way he looked at me, like I was the one that was rude,” I spat out angrily before getting out of Bobby’s grasp.

“MC?” he asked, his voice small and vulnerable. I could tell he was waiting for me to yell at him, but I just shrugged.

“I get put under a negative light and all I have to do is take it. I have no other choice, and you know, it kinda very much sucks. You all see me as an opinionated meddler, but you don’t realise that, ninety-nine percent of the time, I’m being asked for my opinion. I’m being called over to deal with things. And the one time, some shit goes down, no one has my back?” I scoffed. “Family, my ass,” I turn and find Lottie, Priya, and Chelsea standing by the doorway. Chelsea seems really small, with her face scrunched up in pain.

“I didn’t mean to make you mad at me,” she says, her lower lip trembling slightly. I sigh and walk towards her.

“Babe, you aren’t the person I’m mad at. You haven’t done anything to me for me to be mad at you, yeah?” I tell her, running my hand against the back of her head.

“Then why do you not think we’re like a family?” she asked, reminding me of a 5-year-old. Her blue eyes shone with unshed tears and were wide, questioning what was happening in the bedroom.

“I thought we looked out for one another, MC,” Lottie said, her face scrunching up in irritation. Knowing her, that was just her way of masking the fact that my words upset her, too.

“Yeah, and we didn’t do that for her,” Bobby said, wrapping his hand around the back of my neck. “We let Blake talk trash to her and allowed Henrik to gaslight her,” he continued, lightly massaging my neck.

As realisation dawned on all their faces, I didn’t have time to act tough before being covered in apologies and kisses from everyone.

“We didn’t mean it like that, MC!”

“You know what Girl Code means to me!”

“I’ll go fight that bitch right now! You think I won’t, but I will!”

I heard Bobby laugh at their words, in turn making me laugh, too. As he was pulling me away, Priya straightened her dress and fixed her hair.

“Right, girls, I think we need to leave Bobby and his woman here while we go and right a very horrible wrong, don’t you think?” she said, lifting a perfectly plucked eyebrow.

“You guys really don’t have to-” I start to say, before Lottie lifts a manicured finger and presses it against my lips.

“Babe, I love you, but after the help you gave me and Priya, this is literally the least we could do. No one talks shit to our rock and gets away with it. We’ll make sure this never happens again, you have our word,” she said, a smirk playing on the corner of her lips.

Chelsea huffed in agreement before turning around and making her way out, the rest of the girls following. Bobby turned me around, looking over my face.

“You feel better now?” he asked, his brows pulled together in worry.

I gave him a small smile and ran my thumb against the skin that was pulled together, making his eyebrows relax, while his eyes fluttered shut in contentment. “It’s nice knowing you’re cared about, it’s a whole other deal when people act out on that care. That’s when you know it’s real,” I said softly, as my hands went across his forehead and rested against his cheek.

“Are you going to tell me what else is in your head?” Bobby says, rubbing his 5-o’clock shadow against the palm of my hand before planting a kiss there.

I cocked my head to the side, looking at him questioningly. “What do you mean?”

“Well, first, I just want to get this off my chest. I am sorry I didn’t stand up for you. I know how unfair that is and you don’t deserve any of that from any of us, but especially me,” he takes a deep breath and took my hand from his cheek. I looked at him, completely shocked but pleasantly surprised.

“What? Do you think my apology was insincere?” he asks, worry crossing his features.

“No, no,” I quickly reassured him, running my hands up his arms. “I’m just shocked, but pleasantly surprised,” I said, chuckling.

“Okay, great, now. For the second thing. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but I noticed it and I don’t like seeing you uncomfortable so I’m hoping you’ll tell me but it’s okay if you don’t want to,” Bobby states, quickly but quite seriously. He moves to sit on our old bed, and pulls me down so I’m straddling him.

“Uh…” I looked around the room, worried some of the islanders would come by.

“Hey, MC, look at me. I want you to be as close as possible to me when I say this and I know you. I know you don’t like confrontations. I don’t want you running away from me, though,” Bobby said, softly tugging on my chin to face him again. “Every time the word girl or woman was said in reference to you, you got tense,” he whispered, his eyes boring into mine, watching my reactions carefully.

I laughed. “What? That’s not true, that’s literally impossible,” I said with a smile. I felt pretty confident that, even though he might have caught me that first time, I was completely calm and collected every other time since.

“When the girls were in here and I put my hand around the back of your neck, I purposely used the pronoun “her” to see how you would react. I did it a total of 3 times and each time, you would tense up a little more. When Lottie called you my woman, your shoulders proper locked,” he explained. “I know that was sneaky and shitty, but I wanted to make sure and you never said anything earlier and I’ve been calling you “my girl” quite a bit lately. You’re usually good at covering up your emotions, but today you were more open than ever. I’m sorry for taking advantage of that, but I felt like I had no choice since I could tell this wasn’t something you wanted to talk about just yet, and if it still isn’t, then that’s okay. I won’t force you, of course, but I will start watching my words. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable around me, MC, like...ever,” Bobby said quickly, before pulling in a dramatic gulp of air. “Please don’t be mad at me,” he whispered, his lips forming a pout as his eyes roamed my face.

I sighed, wrapping my arms around his neck, letting my head rest against his shoulder. “I’m not mad, I kind of figured it out after the second “her”. You’ve never been more careful in choosing your words than tonight,” I said, my voice slightly muffled due to the pressure on my cheek.

One of Bobby’s hands were roaming my back, stroking it gently, while the other was rubbing the outside of my leg, at times resting on one of the cheeks of my ass. “I don’t want you to go away and I knew jokes didn’t work right now,” he said, squeezing the cheek of my ass. “Tomorrow though…” his hand crept under the edge of my dress, indicating what he meant. I laughed heartily, turning my head and planting a kiss on his neck.

“So, do you want to talk about it?” he asked, swapping the positions of his hands. The one that’s supposed to be on my back found its way into my curls, where his fingers lightly scratched the base of my head. 

I sighed heavily and leaned into his touch. “Back home, I’m out to all my friends as non-binary,” I started, receiving a comforting squeeze from Bobby. “I’m not out to my family yet, but I doubt I ever will be. You know how African parents are,” I continued, feeling Bobby’s chuckle reverberate through his chest as he nodded.

“Knowing my family watches this show so diligently, it made me choose not to come out to you all, even though I was comfortable telling you that I am pansexual. Even now, with all the cameras, I’m worried they’ll out me when it isn’t something I’m consenting to...wait was that on our contract?!”

Bobby looked at me, fake shock all over his face. “You’re telling me, right now, that you didn’t read the fine print? My partner doesn’t read the fine prints?! I don’t read them, you’re supposed to be the logical one!” he exclaimed, throwing his hands up in frustration. He picked me up and tossed me to the side and I landed on the bed.

Standing up, Bobby dusted off his pants before giving me a small smile and a pout. “I’m going to have to graft on someone now and recouple. Can’t be with someone who is similar to me, it’s really bad. Our kids will get into so much legal trouble,” he said, shaking his head. I reached out to grab him, laughing really hard.

“I’m trying to open up to you and you leave me?! Thanks, more abandonment stories for my therapist,” I said, still laughing, as I wrapped my legs around his waist and pulled him over me.

“Babe, I couldn’t abandon you even if I wanted to,” Bobby said, his nose grazing mine.

“Is it ‘cause I’m too cute?” I replied, allowing my lips to brush against his cheeks.

“No, it’s ‘cause you’re wrapped around me like a fucking vice, love,” Bobby said, using the same tone.

I threw my head back in laughter, resulting in the rest of my body going lax. Bobby held my legs up and kissed the base of my neck.

“If you want your pronouns to be they/them, then your pronouns are they/them. Anything else you want, all you have to do is tell me, and it’s yours,” he said, leaving kisses along my neck. His tongue darted out, trailing my collarbone and eliciting a shiver from me. “Got it?”

“Yeah, Bobby,” I breathed contentedly. He squeezed my thigh as a response. As we were about to untangle ourselves from one another, we heard a squeal coming from the doorway.

“Guys, don’t go in there! Bobby and MC are-” Chelsea started, before Bobby ran up to her and covered her mouth with his hand.

“MC and I were just talking, Chels,” Bobby said, trying to hold in his laugh.

Chelsea started to say things but her words were muffled by Bobby’s hand. This went on for a while until Bobby gave up and decided that distracting her would help get her mind off of what she thought she saw.

I couldn’t help but smile at their antics. Even if Blake was doing the most to put me down and Henrik was being quite the pushover, knowing that Bobby was there, my girls were there, and I was understood by them, felt more than enough for me.

a/n: I always hated that scene and the disrespect MC faced. There was never a form of standing up for oneself. I also hate how we can’t choose how to be identified and as an enby, I really want that option. Also, this hits close to home and literally took me over a week to write and I wasn’t sure how to end it but I needed Bobby love today to feel more at ease. Please be nice, this is the first time I’ve written fanfic since I was 16. 

[katehuntington]

Title: Ride With Me (part twenty two) Fandom: Supernatural Timeline: 2008 Pairing: Dean x Reader Word count: ±7650 words Summary series: Y/N is a talented horse rider who is on her way to become a professional. In order to convince her father that she deserves the loan needed to start her own farm, she goes to Arizona for six months, to intern at a ranch owned by Bobby and Ellen Singer. Her future is set out, but then she meets a handsome horseman, who goes by the name of Dean Winchester. A heartwarming series about a cowboy who falls for the girl, letting go of the past and the importance of family.  Summary part twenty two: Y/N is about to take the stage together with her horse Meadow, but stage fright is making it very difficult to bring the evening to a successful end. Warnings series: NSFW, 18+ only! Fluff, angst, eventually smut. Swearing, smoking, alcohol intoxication, alcohol abuse. Mutual pining, heartbreak. Crying, nightmares, childhood trauma. Description of animal abuse, domestic violence, mentions of addiction. Financial problems, stress, mental breakdown. Description of blood and injury, hospital scenes, character death, grief. Music: Opening scene: First Defeat - Noah Gundersen, Meadow’s freestyle: Stairway To Heaven, Immigrant Song, Whole Lotta Love - Led Zeppelin. Follow ‘Kate Huntington’s Ride With Me playlist’ on Spotify! Author’s note: Thank you @atc74​​, and @winchest09​​ for helping me. Also a special thanks to @jules-1999​​, who has offered me her knowledge about rodeo events like these, and @squirrelnotsam​​, who knows Arizona like the back of her hand.

Ride With Me Masterlist

     Y/N dips the sponge foaming with leather soap in a small bucket of water, and softly moves it in circles over the gullet of Meadow’s cognac colored saddle. Making sure to get into the little curves and edges of the beautifully decorated piece of craftsmanship, she picks up an old toothbrush and gently sweeps the dirt out of the grooves; it’s one of the older tricks in the book. 

     The maintenance does a lot of things besides calm the mind. It keeps the material supple, stops it from tearing, therefore saddles and bridles last longer. The leather will be soft on the horse’s coat and prevent sores and irritation of the skin. Clean and shiny tack says a lot about a person. They are usually precise, provident, and have a keen eye for detail. Often perfectionists who leave nothing to chance. Y/N is such a person.

     Dean watches her, adoration on his features. She hasn’t spotted him yet, too focused on the chore. His hands are buried in the front pockets of his jeans while he leans against the door of the makeshift tack room, where she’s working in silence. He notices how loose hairs have escaped her french braid, how she bites her lip while concentrating. He notices the black smear on her cheek, her hands grimy from the mixture of soap and dirt coming from the saddle. He notices all those little things, and all else he loves about her.

     There might be a soft smile on his lips, but his eyes give away how much his heart is hurting. He hasn’t been able to ban the haunting words from his thoughts, nor the realization that came with it; no matter how much time he puts between the past and present, he can’t outrun those dark days.      The troubled cowboy wishes he could tell her, but he doesn’t want to drag his girl into this. She would pity him, be disgusted. She would run as far away as she could, and he wouldn’t even blame her if she does just that. The fact that he is unable to be truthful, has him doubt everything they have accomplished. How can he ask her to trust him, when he can’t be honest with her? When he doesn’t even trust himself?

     Y/N rises from the small stool to get a cloth from her tack box in order to polish the saddle, when she notices a figure from the corner of her eye. For a second she startles, but then realizes it’s her boyfriend.      “How long have you been standing there?” she chuckles.      “For a little while,” he admits, the corner of his mouth pulling into a slightly bigger smile. “Didn’t mean to creep you out.”      “Don’t worry, you didn’t. Fergus MacLeod on the other hand…” Y/N comments, squirting some shine cream on the cloth. 

     Before she returns to her stool again to finish the dirty job, Dean steps closer and takes her hand. Desperate for her to ground him, he lets his fingers trace her stained knuckles, taking the cleaning product from her and putting it aside. He focuses on their hold and keeps quiet, being more tentative than conversational.      “Dean?”      Her voice is laced with confusion and worry, and when he looks up, he sees that her eyes match the warm sound. Willing to do anything to take those concerns away, he cups her face and gently pulls Y/N closer. His lips catch hers, sweetly at first. Dean cherishes the moment when she melts into his touch, deepening the kiss. It doesn’t unsettle him when she unwinds her fingers from his, because he can feel his cowboy hat leave his head, those same fingers now running through his short hair.

     Dean takes his time, eyes closed and his long lashes brushing against her cheek. He draws her in, moving his hand up her side as if he’s afraid she might slip away at any moment. There’s a hint of distress in the way he is kissing her, even though she can tell he is trying to hide it. Knowing that now is not the time to question his reasoning, she gives him what he needs so hopelessly. After a long, intimate minute, in the shelter of the small tack room, Dean parts from her. Y/N hopes to see a smile, but his eyes remain closed as he presses his forehead against hers.

     “What’s going on?” she encourages, gently.      “Nothin’. I’m alright,” he claims, but when she raises her eyebrows at him knowingly, he gives her an explanation, even though it’s not the whole truth. “Fergus MacLeod got under my skin with the way he spoke to you, is all.”      “Oh, you mean the pet names?” She scoffs, shaking her head at the memory. “I wouldn’t read into it. He’s an Englishman; they address women like that.”      “Still…” Dean rubs the pad of his thumb over her cheek, wiping away the grease. He is beginning to find his footing again. “I’m the only one who gets to call you that.”      “And you think I’m the jealous one,” Y/N jokes. “You never call me ‘darling’ or ‘love’ anyway.”      He grins at her mockery, especially when she overdoes the accent. His eyes are still sincere as ever.       “Because you’re my Yankee,” he says softly.

     Her smile becomes brighter, her nickname rolling from his tongue usually having that effect. And for just a second, Dean forgets about all the worry in the world. He kisses her once more, short and sweet this time, daring to take a hold of her gaze now that his mask fits again.      “You stood your ground when that stuck up made that offer on Meadow,” he compliments. “You basically told him to go fuck himself. That was pretty badass.”

     Shyly, Y/N shrugs. To her it didn’t cost her an ounce of bravery or willpower. She has gotten offers on her horse before, although never one this high. But Fergus could offer a billion, there is no way in hell she will ever let Meadow go.      “She’s priceless, Dean,” the cowgirl explains, simply. “I wouldn’t trade her for the world.”      “I know,” her boyfriend acknowledges. “All I’m saying is that many would have considered it. The fact that it’s not even an option for you, just shows how much she means to you.” He pauses, admiring the strong minded woman before him. “She’s your soul horse.”      “My what?” Y/N recalls, curiously.

     Dean chuckles, realizing that it’s not a widely known term. It was Ellen who told him about the special bond between human and horse, when he was younger. It became something that always stuck with him, words he never forgot.      “Every equestrian comes across that one horse in their life. The one that stands out from all the others, that captures you, takes up a huge space in here.” He taps two fingers on his chest, right where his heart is. “The one you have this unbreakable bond with, who you trust and trusts you. The one you will never forget,” he explains. “That’s your soul horse.”

     Y/N begins to glow, because every word he spoke sounds familiar. Dean is right; Meadow is her soul horse.      “I like that,” she says, thinking about his words for a second. 

     Content, she moves past Dean to pick up the polish, in order for her to return to the task she needs to finish.       “What else did the snobby Brit have to say?” she wonders, sitting back down on her stool, beginning to rub the cream onto the horn and the pommel of the saddle.      “He bought Jovi and Ringo, actually,” the cowboy elaborates, turning to the side to check out the perfectly clean bridle hanging from the tack box door. He’s giving himself something to focus on, feeling the soft leather under his fingers.      “Did he! That’s great, right?” she checks, noticing that her boyfriend isn’t exactly thrilled about the matter.      Dean glances at her, forcing a smile. “Yeah, the money is certainly welcome.”      “I bet Bobby is pleased,” Y/N assumes, wiping down the saddle one last time before she puts the cover back on. “Did he say anything about our dance last night?”      “He didn’t. I think he’s lettin’ it slide.” Dean shrugs. “He’s not someone to discuss this kinda stuff anyway, so I’m guessin’ no word about it is good.”      Y/N is willing to accept his reasoning. “Well, alright. If you’re sure it won’t get you into trouble.”      “I doubt it, and even if he’d give me a hard time, it’s worth the lecture.” Dean chuckles, glancing down at his boots. “Fergus made another business proposition, too.”      The cowgirl gets up and lifts the heavy saddle from its stand, carrying it to the tack box and storing it away. “What’s that?”      “He wants me to train one of his horses,” he tells her.      Her eyes grow wide as she shuts the door. “A stallion? Dean, that’s huge!”      The wrangler chuckles at her enthusiasm. “It’s just the one.” 

     “Do you realize that this could be the start of something very rewarding? He owns stables full of licensed stallions. It might be a great stepping stone. I mean, look at Jovi and Ringo; they were sold from under you before you could really shine with them,” Y/N brings to mind. “Riding a talented horse for an owner who has no desire to sell because of the money already coming in with stud fees, is really good for you. This could become your big break.”

     Dean hasn’t even looked at it that way, but he guesses it’s why his girlfriend is so good in her field. She always thinks five steps ahead, seeing opportunities where another person would just see a lot of work.      He remains realistic, though, not wanting to celebrate too quickly. “Well, apparently Cain is a handful, so we’ll see how it goes.”      “Wait… Cain?” She was already staring at him in astonishment, but now her jaw almost drops to the floor. “As in the Quarter sired by Dual Ray. The one that went for 1.2 million at the Derby auction?! Shut up!”

     “Someone watched the news.” Dean grins, the sight of her girlfriend so perplexed being quite amusing. “But, yeah. He’s arriving at the ranch next week. Depending on how bad his behavioral problems are, he’s staying or leaving. I have a feeling MacLeod isn’t telling the whole story.”      “Well, even if Cain’s issues are worse than Fergus let on--” She steps closer, slipping her arms around his neck. “- if anyone can fix him, it’s you.”

     The confidence she has in him astonishes the cowboy. He doesn’t deserve it, her never ending support, her faith. Even now, all he’s doing is bullshitting his way through this exchange. He hopes to God Y/N doesn’t pick up on his insecurities, because maybe if she doesn’t, they can stay in this bubble for a little while longer. 

     Another kiss is pressed on his lips and for just that moment, Dean forgets about the demons that so often torment his mind. Unable to resist her even if he tries, the cowboy reels her in. He can sense his Yankee smile against his mouth and he can’t help to copy her expression. When he can feel her weaken in his hold, however, it is quickly replaced with a look of concern.      “You okay?” he asks apprehensively, his grip on her firmer to make sure she doesn’t go down, but thankfully she steadies.      “Yeah, just a little lightheaded.” Y/N takes a breath. “I’m fine.”      “Did you eat today?” Dean requires, both stern and worried.      “No,” she admits. “I can’t eat before a competition. Nerves and all.”      “Are you kiddin’ me? You’re not up until 8 PM!” he returns, not having any of it. “Yankee, You gotta eat. I’ll buy you somethin’.”      “I wouldn’t be able to take even one bite, Dean. Don’t bother. I’ll have an energy drink before I get on Meadow.”      “Oh, hell no. You can’t do your run while low on fuel,” her boyfriend decides, carefully letting her go when he’s sure she has found her balance again. “How about yoghurt? Or some fruit? Did that really just come out of my mouth?”      Y/N snorts when she notices the double take at his own suggestions, his nose wrinkling in revulsion, as if he just said something vile and doesn’t even know himself anymore.      “Would a smoothie work? I saw a stand by the arena,” Dean offers.      She shrugs, appreciating his efforts and not wanting to deny him. “I could try.”      “Alright.” He leaves a quick kiss on her mouth and picks up his hat, before he intends to leave the tack room. In the doorway he turns around, his body language showing confusion, yet his eyes sparkle.      “I never in my life thought I was gonna say this, but I’m gonna buy a smoothie,” he announces, before shooting her a wink and disappearing.      Y/N laughs now, shaking her head at his comical ways. Bless him, at least he’s trying.

     7.00 PM. Y/N is back in the tack room where she spent most of her morning cleaning her gear. When there was absolutely nothing left to polish, every bit of brass on her saddle and bridle shining so bright it could quite possibly blind the judges once in the arena, she tried to distract herself another way. She did manage to consume the smoothie her boyfriend brought her, though, much to his delight. It helped, because the dizziness has passed, but a stress headache remains. She sat down for lunch with Benny, Jo and Dean, although she didn’t eat anything. Conversation moved past her like the Arizona autumn breeze that’s blowing across the show grounds. 

     Afterwards, she assisted Dean with his last ride of the day, this time in the ‘working cow horse’ class, which is a fun combination between reining and managing cattle. After feeding the horses and providing them with water, the crew went to the arena to watch some runs. It only triggered restlessness in her heart that seemed impossible to calm, and it didn’t take long before she returned to the stable. She spent some time with Meadow, her dance partner tonight, simply sitting in the corner of her box, watching the beautiful animal chew on her hay, completely at ease with her owner’s presence. 

     Now, it’s time to prepare herself. Meadow is already tacked up, waiting in her stall until Y/N is ready, one hind hoof resting on its toe, preserving energy. It’s like the animal knows, since she normally is quite impatient, but right before a competition, she prefers to nap on her feet.      It’s a huge contrast to her human, who has trouble controlling her anxiety. The smoothie she had earlier is bubbling inside Y/N, her stomach unsettled. Trying to calm herself by making sure that everything is perfect, she goes through the familiar checklist in her head while the soundtrack of her freestyle plays on her phone. 

     Dean helped her work out the new routine, thankfully. After setting the bar way too high in her first draft, almost making herself cry when she realized just how impossible it was, he suggested more simple lines, but combinations of the patterns. This is supposed to kick up the degree of difficulty without the floorplan being a tangled mess, and highlights Meadow’s strengths. What she had to figure out next, was what kind of music she wanted to ride to.

     Her boyfriend contacted Ash, who was more than willing to edit the tunes for the intern. When she offered Dean the idea, she knew it was a hit when she saw his eyes twinkle. They took the request to the former ranch hand, who went to work and knocked it out of the park. Honestly, a part of Y/N cannot wait to ride her new freestyle, but she’s also downright petrified. What if she screws up? What if she forgets her routine? What if she doesn’t nail it, with Congress only two weeks away? What if she fails?

     Everything is ready, all she needs to do is change into her show outfit. Y/N strips down, switching her blue jeans and plaid shirt for black. The back of her button up is decorated with golden studs in the shape of a guitar, and so are the cuffs and shoulders. During a freestyle the rider is allowed to ‘dress up’ and add elements in the arena, make a show of it. Although she’s not a fan of the whole circus act, and much rather prefers to let her performance do the talking and convincing, she wasn’t resenting the idea Ash offered when they listened to the soundtrack. Ellen helped her sow on the miniature pyramid-shaped beads, and the end result is better than Y/N could have hoped for.

     The focused competitor slips into her onyx chaps which she just took out, and laces the leather strap through the belt loop of her jeans. She then continues to unpack her cowboy boots, which are the same color as Meadow’s fiery brown tack, shining just as bright. Her brass spurs follow, the rowel jingling when she turns to take a round box from the top, unzipping the lid. The beautiful Milano hat inside has her smile down on the crafted head piece; it was a Christmas gift from her parents. One she received right before her first show with the Quarter mare, the horse who gives her so much more than she could ever hope for.      She picks it up by the crown and places it on her smooth hair which Jo braided earlier, the action raising a sense of pride in her chest. The hat makes the outfit, but it comes along with so much more. It gives back some of the confidence her insecurities took away. She’s a cowgirl, in heart and soul.

     Last but not least, she takes an object from the same container that safeguarded the Milano. Reminiscing, Y/N draws her thumb over the gold plated metal, feeling the edges of the letters and symbols under her fingertip; it’s her State Championship belt buckle. She closes her eyes, the memories of that epic run flooding her thoughts welcomingly. The stadium spotlights, the roaring crowd, her name in bright letters on the scoreboard. And then that indescribable feeling of horse and rider becoming one, the thrill of coming down that centerline and just knowing that this was going to be their moment, the ride of their lives. She will be in seventh heaven if she manages to get even remotely close to the pinnacle they reached that day.

     Footsteps draw her back to reality, the dry ground crunching under heavy boots in the alleyway between the stables. Y/N doesn’t question who it is, Dean promised to help her with the warmup, and since she has stated in her very detailed schedule that she is going to get on her horse ten minutes from now, she is expecting his arrival. Turning around, she meets his astonished gaze in the doorway, his jaw slightly ajar.      “Do you think I’d be showing off if I wear this?” she wonders, offering him a look at the coveted buckle.

     But Dean only has eyes for a different prize. He needs a moment to recover from the sight of his girlfriend. She’s drop dead gorgeous after a morning muck out, with hay in her messy locks and dust sticking to her damp skin. But now, dressed in her black show outfit, her hair braided and her make-up bringing out the color of her eyes even more, he can’t help but stammer.      He chuckles warmly, a blush on his cheeks. “You look - you look amazing.”

     His reaction draws a smile on her lips, but she’s too anxious to really appreciate the compliment. There is a time schedule to be considered after all.      “My State Champion buckle, or a simple one?” she asks him again, not daring to make the call herself.      Dean takes the shiny object, tilting it to admire the award. ‘AQHA State Champion - Maine, 2008’ it says, the inscription curved around a horse’s head, edged in silver and gold.      “Wear it,” he decides. “You won that championship fair and square.”      “Yeah, I know, it’s just that--” She pauses, fiddling to close the buttons on her cuffs. “I don’t wanna fail to meet everyone's expectations.”      The cowboy looks up at her from under his lashes, his green eyes reading her for a second. “Everyone’s expectations? Or your own?”

     Dean has a solid point, but evaluating thought processes is not something she needs right now. She sighs and tries to bury her frustrations, very much aware that she snaps easily when she’s on edge like she is now. It wouldn’t be the first time that she loses her cool with someone who is actually there to support her, it usually being either her parents or her brothers. She doesn’t want her boyfriend to endure the same unreasonable behavior, and so she shrugs at that.      “I don’t know, really. I mean, yes, I expect a lot from myself, but the thought that people on the sideline, like Bobby, Jody, Donna… you, will judge my every move,” she pauses, letting an anxious sigh fall from her lips. “It honestly makes me feel sick.”

     “You shouldn’t let it get to you like that,” Dean suggests, handing her back the buckle.      “Yeah, well, that’s easier said than done,” she returns, the edge of her voice much sharper than she meant to come out. While pulling her belt through the loops, she briefly looks up, noticing his head cocked back slightly while his brows meet his hairline, which triggers her to mutter an apology. “Sorry.”

     He can see the embarrassment in her stance as she turns her gaze to the floor. The slight offense he took desolates, making room for sympathy. He can tell she’s struggling to cope with the nerves and the pressure she is under, pressure she shouldn’t even be experiencing. This competition is a practice run, an environment to test her new freestyle and get back into the rhythm of the shows after a long break. However, he understands that downgrading this event will not do her any good. What he needs to convince her of, is to believe in herself, like he believes in her.

     “Yankee, you’re never gonna fail my expectations. The way I see you doesn’t stand or fall with this performance, or any.” He takes her hands in his, squeezing them softly in order to prevent her from getting lost in that dark forest of negative thoughts. “I get that you want to prove yourself, but it ain’t necessary. The girls already love you, and the fact that Bobby didn’t rip me a new one for kissing you last night proves a point too. All that won’t change after today’s run.”

     Carefully, Y/N glances up, met by the sight of empathy swimming in mystic green eyes.      “I’m here to back you up, okay? I’ll help you with the warm up, and Jo will be there to assist. It’s gonna be fine. Your horse is awesome, your freestyle is awesome, you are awesome,” he reassures, a smirk pulling at the corner of his mouth. “Now get your fine butt on that horse.”      She takes a slow breath, the smile that his words surface saying just how much that means to her. “Alright. Let’s do this.”

     With Meadow’s bridle in hand, she exits the tack room, feeling somewhat lighter than she did ten minutes ago. Dean’s kind words and endless support doesn’t take away the anxiety entirely, but it has enough of an effect to have her believe that maybe, just maybe, she is going to survive this evening. At least he is by her side, not just as her man, but as her trainer as well, and with the way he has been with her so far, she can already tell how different he is from her former instructor. No list of exercises she needs to go through during the warm up, no ‘do this’ or ‘don’t do that’ while she’s preparing to get on her horse. It’s a huge contrast, but one for the better. Maybe Dean is right, maybe it is going to be fine.

     Dean looks up when he notices someone approaching from the corner of his eye, the small framed silhouette with a dancing ponytail unmistakably Jo’s. She has a bucket half full with water in one hand with a sponge floating on the surface, a rag hanging from her back pocket and a groom bag over her shoulder.      “You ready, sis?” she asks, popping her head over the stable door.      “Ready as I’ll ever be,” Y/N sighs, tightening the sinch.      “You’re gonna do great. Especially with your lover whispering in your ear.” She hands them both a headset, one with a small microphone for Dean and one with an earpiece for her best friend. “Keep it clean, no heavy breathing. The poor girl needs to stay focused.”

     The cowboy glares at his cousin, but he bites his tongue, simply because the comment made his girl let out a laugh. Instead he turns on the small device and pushes it in his pocket, secures the mic to the collar of his shirt.      Y/N clips the headset behind her belt as well and pushes the bud into her ear. After holding the bit in front of Meadow’s mouth for her to accept, her owner pulls the crown piece of the bridle over her horse’s ears, securing the straps. Focused on her task at hand, she notices a crucial element missing.      “Crap, Grandpa’s pendant,” she realizes, pushing the reins into Jo’s hand before rushing back into the tack box. 

     A moment later, she returns with a small suede bag in her hand, from which she carefully allows a piece of jewelry to roll into her hand. Curious, Dean watches her pick it up between her delicate fingers, after which she attaches it to Meadow’s bridle. Two beads are laced onto a thin leather cord, and the way she handles the small yet precious object, he can tell it holds much value.      “Is that your good luck charm?” Jo wonders.      “Yeah,” the rider acknowledges, taking back the reins from her friend and leading Meadow out of the stable. “My grandfather gave it to me on my very first show when I was seven.” 

     Y/N has never ridden a test without the jewel, and she can’t picture doing so in the future. The top bead is made from her birthstone, the one dangling underneath represents a guardian angel. While taking her horse outside, she rubs Meadow’s neck, tracing the charm for a second as the setting sun catches the gem. Before she had to say goodbye to the most influential person in her life, she never really pictured anyone when she saw the little figure with wings dangling from Meadow’s browband, but now she likes to think it is him, watching over her.

     A couple of minutes later, Y/N has taken a seat on Meadow’s back, who excitedly walks towards the warm up area with Dean and Jo in tow. Flanked by her trainer on her right side and her groom on the left, a hint of relief hits the cowgirl unexpectedly; she has never been surrounded by a team this solid.  

     The horse and rider enter the side arena, where a dozen others are warming up in what seems to be a whirlwind of sensories. Music reaches Y/N’s hearing, coming from the competition ring and mixing with loud cheers of the spectators. Trainers shout at their pupils from the sideline, the steward calling for the next on the list. In her first loop in a simple walk, someone cuts her off and Meadow pins her ears back, clearly not at ease in the chaos.

     “Can you hear me?” Dean asks through the headset, leaning over the fence of the training field.      The familiar warm yet gruff sound in her ear silences the distractions that have her dizzy in an instance. She looks over her shoulder at the head wrangler, nodding in response.      “Okay, good. Warm her up like you would do so at home. Try to seek a space where it’s not too crowded, you don’t have to use the entire area,” Dean advises, calmly. “Just focus on my voice, alright? Take a deep breath and focus on me.”

     Y/N closes her eyes for a short second and collects herself, doing precisely what he tells her to do. Throughout the warm up he never underlines what she’s doing wrong, but praises her for every right move, building her confidence. For a short period of time it has her wondering if he’s sugarcoating and isn’t giving it to her straight, but minute by minute, she finds it easier to let go of that thought. His encouraging words manage to cast away the fear of screwing up, and before she knows it, she has forgotten about the other riders in the arena, nor does she notice her distracting surroundings. All she hears is his soothing vocals, all she feels is the large animal underneath her, who seems to respond well to their trainer too. Meadow might not be able to hear Dean, but apparently senses the tension oozing from her rider, and becomes more relaxed with every stride.

     It’s five minutes until her starting time, when Y/N halts by the fence, next to Jo and Dean. Her friend and groom for the day takes her cue and approaches her with the bucket, wiping down Meadow’s sweaty skin with the sponge, cleaning the mare up before it’s her time to shine. Y/N takes out her ear buds, since she’s not allowed to compete with them, and hands the headset to Jo, trading it for a water bottle.      “She feels good, doesn’t she?” Dean checks, smiling up at her while he takes the plastic flask from his student.      The woman in the saddle nods. “She does.” 

     “Y/N Y/L/N! Two minutes!”      The rider feels the nerves find their traction again when she glances at the steward who called out her name. She nods in acknowledgement at the man holding a clipboard, and when Jo is done toweling Meadow down, she steers the Quarter towards the entrance of the main arena. The applause that the previous competitor receives grows louder as they approach, meeting the rider on their way over. He seems very pleased with his horse, and the first thing that comes to her mind is that he must have had a good score, a score she needs to beat.  The serene mindset the wrangler got her in, is threatened to be disturbed by the stage fright that grips her by the throat. Suddenly, it hits her; this is it.

     “Hey…” Dean lays his hand on her knee when he detects that he’s losing her again. “Yankee?”      The cowgirl snaps her gaze from the intimidating competition ground to her trainer, who meets her with the most relaxed expression he can muster, despite his worry about her current mental state. He can tell she’s downright scared, not to fall off her horse or anything, but to make a mistake, drop the ball and to have to leave the boxing ring defeated. Right now, the illuminated soil that is about to be her stage isn’t a dance floor to Y/N. No, her eyes tell him a different story, the one of a gladiator in a colosseum, being thrown into the pit for the lions, destined to be defeated, destined to fail.

     “When you go in there, I need you to forget about everything,” he starts off, earning a confused look.      “What do you mean?” she wonders.      “Forget the judges, forget the audience, hell, forget what I’ve told you,” Dean continues, his thumb rubbing her leg soothingly. “The only one you need to listen to, is Meadow. Feel what she tells you and trust your gut when you answer. Let go of all the rest, alright?”

     Y/N nods, wetting her dry lips, shooting another glance at the arena before she looks down on the man who has been able to ground her like only one other person has. Dean seems to know who is on her mind, because he reaches for the pendant attached to her horse’s bridle.      “He’s with you, and I will be waiting right here, no matter what. You got this, Yankee.” 

     The encouraging words close off her throat much like the anxiety did earlier, but this time the sentiment is welcoming. Dean’s pep talk helped her see what is truly important, and that this moment is just a short clip of a larger motion picture. She has Meadow, she has Dean, and she has the memory of her grandfather, along with all the wise life lessons that he taught her. Whatever happens in the coming five minutes, that will not change. She trusts the beacon of support that is the man by her side. But in this very moment, most importantly, she trusts Meadow.

     Y/N breathes in through her nose and exhales slowly, rubbing her horse’s shoulder, more confident than she has felt all week. The gatekeeper opens the fence for the horse and rider, nothing standing between them and the brightly lit competition ring. 

     “The next contestant of the evening is Y/N Y/L/N, all the way from Freeport, Maine. This young lady rides Meadowsweet, a nine year old mare sired by Gunner, and these two have made a name for themselves already. Folks, you are going to be watching the current State Champion and this pair has qualified for the prestigious All American Quarter Horse Congress in three weeks. This will be the premiere of their brand new freestyle, so get ready for a rock ‘n roll ride, y’all.”

     Y/N peers into the grand arena, tilting her hat forward just enough to keep the spotlights from blinding her. She can feel Dean’s fingers slip from her knee, setting her free now that she has taken control. Focused and determined, the cowgirl makes eye contact with the sound technician, raising her hand. Showtime.

     The first tones of Led Zeppelin’s Stairway To Heaven begins to play, and Y/N enters the arena slowly. The timid music silences the crowd, suspense hanging thick in the air. Meadow moves down the centerline and halts, her head low and submissive, waiting for her cue. The intro finishes, the acoustic notes dying down and leaving a second long silence. Knowing the music by heart, the woman in the saddle squeezes her fist holding the reins slightly, preparing Meadow for what is about to come. Then, right as Immigrant Song rings in her ears, she sends her Quarterhorse into a spin.

With high speed and great technique, the mare revolves on the spot like a helicopter rotor, and after going full circle four times stops dead in her tracks, before doing the exact same movement, only this time turning right. The crowd goes absolutely ballistic, and it’s then that Y/N feels a wide smile spreading on her face; she’s gonna nail this run.

     One small aid is enough to push Meadow forward, the horse shooting down the centerline like an arrow leaving its bow. With only a few yards between the cowgirl and the judges, she sits back in the saddle, signalling Meadow to dig her hind legs into the ground and progress into an impressive sliding stop. It’s bold, because if the maneuver isn’t spot on, the panel will easily detect the error. The execution is perfect, however, and gathering from the entertained and impressed expressions on the judges’ faces, Y/N’s game plan is working. 

     With attitude, Meadow rolls back and races around the arena on a large circle, her long strides evenly powerful and rhythmic, this time to the soundtrack of Whole Lotta Love. With her left hand forward between the bay horse’s ears, the cowgirl peers down the path that’s to come, and after having gone full circle, she switches to a left canter through a flying change and mirrors the previous pattern. 

     The buzz ignited by both the thrilling ride and the response of the audience only fuels her confidence. When she exits the last full speed circle, she transitions into a lope, a collected gate Meadow masters well. The horse and rider combination crosses the arena through a neat half pass. It’s a sideways movement right in front of the judges, the talented mare showing off her reach and finesse. 

     Not once does Y/N have to correct her dancing partner, every small cue effective. Meadow follows the instructions without question, unable to give a damn about the vibrant ambiance. It’s almost as if the animal can read her owner’s mind, a telepathic connection which can only be established when human and horse have that click and share an unique bond. This is what horse riding is all about, this is the ultimate goal. Two hearts beating as one. 

     The music builds up to its zenith and shifts to the finishing electric guitar solo in Stairway To Heaven, by the same famous rock band that has been the backing track to this epic performance. On the diagonal, Meadow picks up speed again, her strong muscles rippling under her copper colored coat. The thousand pound being reaches a speed of forty-five miles an hour, accelerating until the opposite corner, where she performs another perfect stop followed by a roll back. There is not a speck of hesitation or doubt, nor any sign of fatigue, despite a sequential series of maneuvers. 

     After a third stop, she has executed the mandatory patterns, and all that’s left is to go out with a bang. Y/N sends Meadow into one final spin, the tremendous momentum having her dizzy. The sheer power radiating from under her only heightens the high the cowgirl is experiencing, the adrenaline coursing through her veins with the same speed as her horse is turning. After the rapid pirouettes, Meadow breaks off the maneuver on cue in the dead center of the arena, facing the judges. The cheering and whistling crowd almost overrules the dying sound of the guitar strings that are the last notes of the freestyle. Unable to comprehend what just happened, Y/N drops the reins, spreads her arms and folds them around her horse’s neck. Overcome with emotion she hugs her four-legged friend, without words thanking her for the ride of her life.

      Only then the cowgirl realizes the roar coming from the spectators, many of them having risen to their feet. As the commentator praises her performance, she circles Meadow back toward the exit of the ring, waving at the enthusiastic kids on the first row. In that four minute run, Y/N and Meadow have stolen the hearts of everyone who is here to witness the definition of horsemanship. She can’t stop herself from smiling so widely that her cheeks hurt while her horse walks along the bleachers, the mare looking at the applauding audience, seeming to understand that it’s for her. 

     As they approach the gate, the rider hears one girl squeal above all others. Y/N hasn’t even looked in the direction of where the sound came from, but she already knows it’s Jo. Dancing on her feet in absolute delight, she meets her by the fence and high fives her best friend.      “God damn, Sis! You rocked out there!” she exclaims, patting Meadow on her neck as well.

     Y/N laughs full heartedly at her giddy friend, the ecstasy of her perfect run still in full effect. But when her gaze meets Dean’s, that happiness becomes overwhelming. The handsome cowboy is waiting for her, just like he promised. Gleaming eyes match his sly smirk, but there’s more to the expression, sentiment swimming in his emerald greens. The sight of him breaks something inside of her, and she’s unable to keep the tears at bay.

     It’s then that Meadow halts, and just outside of the main arena, Dean steps towards his girl and pulls her into a hug. With her left hand still holding the reins, Y/N embraces the man who she owes so much gratitude. After all, if it wasn’t for him, the freestyle wouldn’t have turned out remotely as good, not to mention that the stress would have done her in. Today he was more than just a trainer or her boyfriend. He was the anchor that kept her grounded, the rock that wouldn’t budge when the waves crashed against her, and the sign that she needed to get out of the maze of self-doubt.      She can feel Dean nuzzle his nose into her hair. “I’m so damn proud of you,” he whispers, words only meant for her to hear.      Moved by his words, she hugs him a little tighter before she lets him go and wipes away her happy tears. A smile that reaches his ears is still there when she pulls herself together again.      “She - she was absolutely amazing,” Y/N stammers, combing her fingers through Meadow’s mane. “The feeling she gave me… I can’t explain it. It was like we were flying.”      “That’s because you were, Amelia Earhart,” Jo quips, clearly over the moon for her friend. “Want me to cool Meadow down so you can wait here for your score?”

     Y/N nods, feeling her horse’s flanks expand rather rapidly every time the large animal inhales; she really gave it her everything. Once the cowgirl has both feet planted on solid ground, she scratches the mare’s favorite spot behind her ear, facing the beautiful Quarter. Meadow presses her large head against her owner’s chest, more to get rid of an itch than to return the love, making her human giggle. Then the rider hands over the reins to Jo, who takes the bay horse away from the commotion. 

     Still stunned, Y/N takes another breath, glancing back into the arena. “Did they call the points yet?”      Dean comes to stand next to her, gazing at the board in the corner, above the bleachers. “No, I didn’t hear anything.”      With her hands placed on her waist, she breathes in, trying to ignore her stomach, which begins to do backflips again. This time, there is not much she can do to influence the outcome, however. Meadow did the best she could and she didn’t make a single mistake; Y/N couldn’t have wished for more. But the new freestyle hasn’t been graded yet, so how the judges will reward the music and the degree of difficulty is still a mystery. The rider tries to tell herself that no matter what number will appear on the screen, she’s satisfied with today’s performance. But as seconds tick by, the suspense builds and eats at her composure.

     She can feel Dean’s hand on the small of her back, fingertips tracing soft, calming circles. The motion helps her to pull her gaze away from the digital board, and she glances at the man by her side. Focusing on him has worked so far, so as the tension rises, she tries that tactic again. The world around her stops, her own breathing the only sound she hears, Dean’s touch the only sensation she feels. For a moment, time slows down. But when her trainer’s eyes widen and his jaw falls slack in disbelief, she’s almost too afraid to look at the definite white numbers that can make or break her evening.

     It’s only when the crowd erupts that she dares to face the verdict, and what she witnesses, triggers her to clasp her hand over her mouth. Completely stunned, her eyes stay locked on the score, convinced that if she blinks, the numbers will change. She barely registers her boyfriend letting out a cheer, pumping his fists into the air and bouncing on his feet like a little kid. Her view is obstructed when strong arms wrap around her middle and lift her off the ground, but when her gaze locks on the display again, it still tells the same story of victory.

     220.5 points.

     Unknowingly, she holds her breath, her heart still beating against her chest so wildly, that her cowboy must be able to feel it too. It’s not just a personal best; it tops her old record by three whole points. She broke through the two-twenties, something she only ever dreamed of accomplishing, yet here she is. Shutting her eyes, her thoughts go out to her grandfather, realizing that she has done her guardian angel proud once more.

     Dean must have sensed that she got lost in her own head, because he brings her back down from the heavens to their world with a gentle touch upon her cheek. He wipes a stray tear away with the pad of his thumb and takes off her hat, looking at her with so much adoration. His hand slips to the nape of her neck, his forehead bowing to gently rest against hers. Radiant light touches everything in reach, leaving what’s behind them in darkness, together with all the worries and fears. The audience doesn’t seem to be applauding the high score anymore, the wolf whistles and bellows of encouragement instead directed at the couple in the spotlight. Dean didn’t need any more motivation, his lips encasing hers in a soft kiss. 

     Closing her eyes, she cherishes the moment and smiles against his mouth when Dean uses her cowboy hat to shield them away from all the extra attention. It is in this instance the equestrian realizes something; out of all the rides that she experienced, either in the saddle or in life, this is the one that will go down in memory.

Thank you for reading. I appreciate every single one of you, but if you do want to give me some extra love, you are free to like or reblog my work, shoot me a message or buy me coffee (Link to Kofi in bio at the top of the page).

Read part twenty-tree here

[wendystales]

Memories - lrh (Chapter Sixteen)

Memories (also on Wattpad)

Chapter Fifteen ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ Chapter Seventeen

Luke pov.

“Do it again.” Ashton asks, staring at me intently.

We were about to leave my house for my surprise party, which I discovered in less than an hour. I was rehearsing a face of surprise so as not to end the surprise, cause I know everyone worked hard for it.

I widen my eyes, breaking into a smile.

“I can't believe you deceived me.” I say with my voice altered by the ‘surprise’.

“Don't say that, it will be very obvious that you know. Says ‘I can't believe you threw a party for me’.” he suggests.

"I can't believe you threw a party for me." I redo the entire acting.

“Yep! Me either. But what doesn't M&Ms ask, that I don't do?” Ash dries the water bottle with a shrug. “I'm just kidding.” he laughs after seeing my face.

“Speaking of her…” I fill my glass with some more wine, since it's too early for us to go. “Something new?” Ashton denies, frustrated too.

“I commented that she was acting weird, but she just changed the conversation and said that she's been busy and that she was nervous about the party.” he sighs. I massage my forehead, annoyed.

"Am I going to have to put her against the wall to get something?" I look at him, not knowing what to do.

“You know this isn't going to work. She's going to run away, you're going to fight, she's going to walk away and you're going to be more annoying than you already are.” I appreciate my friend's attempt to change the mood with provocation, but it has no effect.

"I can't find any reason to give me any sign of what's going on. Was it my fault? I knew I shouldn't have stayed with her that Saturday, I pushed the situation too hard and now she's pulling away, avoiding me-”

“Oh shut up! Don't even start with that.” Irwin raises his voice, cutting mine off. "Marnie isn't like that, she doesn’t do these things. If she wasn't comfortable she was going to talk. You said yourself that she asked you to sleep there. She let you pick her up on Monday and asked you to take her home, even after you dedicated Best Years to her. She didn't run away there, because it was remarkable how much she liked the song. You should pay more attention to the way she looks at you.”

A silly laugh escapes my lips when I see Ashton imitate her looking at me and smiling. My heart warms at the possibility that she is actually falling in love with me, just as I already am with her.

"Luke, if she didn't want to get back together, she wouldn't open up so many gaps and opportunities for you to be together. She must just be confused about the feelings. That's how it looked for the first time. Look, let's analyze her behavior today, after all the stress of the party and then we get stressed.”

I agree with my friend. I'm freaking out over something that shouldn't be very important. Maybe it's all the pressure with finishing the album. The release date is approaching and sure enough, Jim freaking out in my ear for the publicity trip we were supposed to be doing, but we're still going against it due to Marnie's accident.

I don't know how many times I have to tell him I'm not leaving LA yet. This delay wasn't hindering anything, so I don't know why he makes such a point.

“Go, get rid of that dead face and let's enjoy your party.” Ash slaps my shoulder.

We left the house, heading to Jack's house, where the party would be. I've been training my face the entire way, wanting it to be as realistic as possible, even though everyone already suspects that I know.

Even if I didn't know it, the moment I see the street full of cars, I realize that I would find out there. Irwin tells them we're coming and I notice the noise of the music fade away. Discreet.

We entered the house, finding everything quiet and tidy. But when we turn to the kitchen and garden, a lot of people scream in surprise. I take a step back, like I'm really shocked.

"I can't believe you did that." I look at Ash, wanting to see that I did well. But his expression ‘so so’ disappoints me.

“In the car it was better.” he says before walking away and letting people get closer.

I don't know how many people I hugged, but I know the only one I wanted to see was the last one to arrive. I hold my breath, seeing her in a black leather skirt and a transparent black blouse, highlighting her tattoo between her breasts.

I swallow hard, cracking a nervous smile as she approaches with a huge grin, almost jumping into my lap. Unlike yesterday, where I just got a congratulations message, M&Ms hug me, leaving a lingering kiss on my cheek.

“Happy Birthday!” the gleam in her eyes proves to me she's already a little high.

I resist the urge to steal a kiss from her lips, just kissing her cheek back but giving her waist a squeeze, pressing her against my body. She seems to notice my intent, drastically changing her breathing.

"I wanted to talk to you later. If possible.” I say against her ear.

“About?” her eyes sweep me for any clues.

“Surprise.” I reveal, seeing her roll her eyes in agreement.

I watch her walk away with the girls, but she doesn't fully break eye contact with me, looking at me from afar. I let out a breath, realizing it's going to be a long night and another long battle to resist her and the urge to take her to a dark corner.

In the kitchen, where most of the drinks are, I start my work, drinking the alcohol, enjoying the burning sensation that the liquid leaves in my throat. I get distracted with video game conversation and allow my mind to relax with lighter, more relaxed topics.

The party had been going on for a few hours. My head is already light, due to the high alcohol content my body retains. I know I'm laughing at some bullshit Brian is talking about, even though his words don't make any sense in my mind. Maybe I've already had too much to drink and it's better to stop for a while. I don't want to be sick at my own party.

The term vibrates in my mind and I start searching the crowd for the cotton candy hair, worried about her condition. The feeling pulls my head out of the air, sobering me up for a few minutes.

I find her dancing hand in hand with Noah, laughing at the older man's exaggerated steps. I stare at the scene, happy that she is enjoying herself. Unlike at the beginning of the week, Marnie is now upbeat and not acting. Maybe Irwin is right and she was just stressed about the birthday party.

I push my thoughts away, concentrating on yet another beer pong game. I've played more times than I could count and I'm starting to doubt the two arms Jack has won since my last drink.

“Problems.” Michael sings beside me, pointing to the door. Pam walked in smiling excitedly, holding hands with a guy who sure as hell didn't want to be there. It's not possible…

Sobriety hits me like a cannon. All the alcohol and smoke that was in my body is gone and I am able to think clearly for the first time since I arrived.

I massage my forehead, bringing my gaze to Marnie, who's already staring at Pam without a specific expression. I cross the room with incredible ease, reaching for her, hugging her waist, pulling her to me.

“We can talk now?” Marnie didn't even seem to hear me, still staring at Pam, who was greeting some people. "M&Ms?" I call closer to her ear, but no effect. “Hey!” I drop a kiss to her temple, squeezing her waist.

Her green eyes cross mine and I can palpate the insecurity in them. Marnie just nodded, letting me lead her out of the room. We went up to a room, being alone. I look at her face, still half lost, and I approach slowly, feeling that little box weigh tons in my pocket.

“What do you want to talk about?” she gives a slight smile, turning her full attention to me.

“First I wanted to apologize for Pam. I didn't know what she was going to come.” Marnie rolls her eyes, shrugging.

“It’s OK! No need to apologize. My head is so full I don't even care about her anymore.” she sits up in bed, crossing her legs.

“And I believe she won't even mind us today, after all, she came with someone” I sat beside her.

“Yeah! Poor guy.” I let out a laugh at her pity for the poor boy. “It was just that?”

I lose myself in her eyes for a few seconds, wondering if that's all. I draw her face in my mind once more, recording every feature I fell in love with. My lips tingle as I landed my eyes on her mouth, slightly reddened by the drink.

At another time, right now she and I would be locked in some bathroom or bedroom, succumbing to desire and the alcohol in our blood. My fingertips ache amidst the memories of all the times I have run across her skin, feeling it burn under my touch.

My mind starts to cloud and the flashes of the two of us become more and more vivid. I try to push those thoughts away, but they seem to sink into my mind with force. My body heats up with every scene my mind plays. I feel the blood running the wrong way and I don't know how to stop it.

"Luke?" I'm startled by your touch on my hand. Marnie was looking at me with a mixture of curiosity and concern. “Are you okay?” I watch her hand squeeze mine, like she always did when I was angry or upset.

And just with that touch, everything stops inside me. The fire is gone and now I'm seized by a gigantic pain and rage in my chest, a rage for her being ripped from me so abruptly. I stare at her fingers moving gently, transmitting a caress throughout my body.

"Luke?" now she was looking at me extremely worried.

“Sorry. I think the drink hit.” I open a smile, trying to calm her down. M&Ms don't seem to buy much, but she smiles smugly.

“I already told you you're drinking a lot. In a little while you'll be passed out and won't even enjoy your own birthday party.” my smile widens in the midst of her care. "Don't give me that smile." she pushes my face away. "Is that all you wanted to talk about?"

“No!” this time I answer faster. “Actually, I wanted to give you something.” I fish the little white box in my pocket, feeling my fingers as soft as jelly. What if she doesn't like it? What if she gets angry?

“You know it's your birthday, right? You're the one who should get presents, not give. Especially for me.” she looks at me angrily, not wanting to accept the box.

"Well, it's my birthday and I'll do what I want, in which case I give it to you." I place the object in her hands. “I wanted to wait until your birthday, but it's still far away and I can't take it.” I lift my shoulders quickly, making her laugh.

Taking advantage of the fact that she was involved with the present, slowly, I move closer to her body, contenting myself with the least contact we have. I notice Marnie hold her breath at the sight of the blue quartz necklace, just like the one she had.

With no more reaction than that, I start to convince myself that I've fucked up and she hated it. It wasn't the time yet, as much as everything was going well, it wasn't the time yet.

“I can't believe you did this.” her voice comes out in a breath in surprise. I let my mind race to our first Christmas, where she gave me my necklace and I gave that star to her.

“If you don't like it…” my voice trails off as I see her eyes watery and filled with joy. It was the right time.

I'm not afraid to advance towards her, covering your lips with mine in a short kiss. The cherry taste becomes my favorite for the rest of the night. Marnie wipes her tears as she calls herself pathetic for crying.

"I know we used it as a dating ring, but it doesn't have to be-”

"Could you put it on for me?" she interrupts me, not caring about my fear. With my hands still trembling and cold, I close the necklace around her neck, enjoying the scene of her smiling enchanted by that stone. “Thanks!”

This time it is she who steps forward, stealing a kiss. The mood changes drastically. The screams outside seem to die in my ears, leaving only silence. The music that used to burst had ceased to exist.

That little kiss breaks, but she doesn't pull away, keeping her forehead still glued to mine. I'm startled when her eyes return to mine, I can see her perfectly there, in front of me, in my arms. I recognize that glow, that look and what it wanted to convey.

It was her there. The reason I get up every morning. The reason that makes me want to be better and better. The person I always want to impress. My girl. My Marnie.

I bring my hand to the back of her neck, bringing our lips together once more. I feel goose bumps as our tongues touch and her hand cups my face, holding me there. If she knew the last thing I want is to run away…

I'm surprised I feel despair on her side. The urgency on her lips. The need for the touch of her hands, the way they ran through my hair, the back of my neck and chest.

Easily, I pull her onto my lap, moaning, feeling her body against mine after so long. The fire that had previously ceased inside me, runs again through my veins, making everything too cloudy. I can't reason whether this was right or not. We both drink too much. She still hasn't given me full openness to so much attitude, even though she's still here, kissing me.

I try for a few minutes to clear my mind, to be a little rational and not get carried away by emotion, but the sound her mouth makes when I touch her neck with my lips ruins whatever train of thought I was building.

I touch the exact spots that make her moan and scramble for more friction. I watch thirstily as her eyes roll back and her lip is bitten in an attempt to control the moans. Her nails scratch the back of my neck, releasing an electric current that migrates between my legs.

I gasp when I feel her rub against my groin, spreading a current throughout my body. I want to beg her to do it again, but it's not really necessary, she knows and she does. So excruciating, but so good. Again I am startled to find that glow that I knew so much. I wonder where this Marnie was all along.

I shove my hand inside her shirt, enjoying her burning skin. I stroke the spot below her bra with my thumb, wanting not to frighten her. I suck the skin under her ear, lapping it with my tongue. My body combusts as she stirs and presses her crotch harder against mine. I cup her breast with enjoyment, hearing her call my name the way I liked it best.

Her desperate hands run inside my jacket, wanting to throw it away. I was ready to help when a heavy knock on the door disrupts our moment.

"What the fuck is it?" anger rips up my throat, causing a very angry scream. So much time to interrupt.

"It's time to cut the cake." I hear Calum's voice and feel like throwing him from the second floor.

“Serious? Stick the cake in your-” two small hands cover my mouth, preventing me from continuing.

“We're on our way, Cal.” Marnie yells louder and breathless.

I watch your body soften, lost and, I fear, even regretful. She is no longer there. She avoids looking at me, perhaps out of shame.

“It was better this way.” her sweet voice comes closer to a whisper.

“Was?” I stare at her, not wanting to accept that I was the only one to feel it. I know I wasn't, because her expression tells me I'm right.

“Was! You know it was.” her tone is still sweet, but her gaze is hard. "I think we'd better go downstairs." she gets up carefully, getting out of bed. I throw my head against my hands, visibly frustrated.

"Go ahead, I need to get both heads in place." I throw my body against the mattress.

“Sorry, Luke.” I can't stand her feeling guilty when she's the biggest victim of all this.

"M&Ms?" I leap out of bed, grabbing her before disappearing through the door. “It's not your fault. I'm the one who lost control, I'm sorry. You didn't give me the opening to attack you like that and I let myself go…” her lips silence me.

“It wasn't anyone's fault, can we do that?” I nod, stealing the last kiss before I let her go. "I'll wait for you downstairs." she announce.

I turn around, heading back to bed, still feeling frustration coursing through my veins.

“Hey!” I turn to see her there, standing in the doorway. My chest races with yearning from the many times I've seen her do the same scene. My ears and heart ache wanting to hear those words that always came next. Those three words that were so beautiful in her mouth. “Thanks for this.” she smiles and leaves.

I stare at the wood, snapping back to reality. I'm such an idiot for thinking she was going to say she loves me. I hide my face, exhausted. I look across the bed, able to see the two of us there, so given to each other.

I replay the scene in my head, tasting her kiss on my lips. Feeling my body tingle, still wanting her touch. The pressure on my pants becomes bigger and more uncomfortable. I need to make this go away. I scramble my mind for many things to calm myself down, but I can't. I can still feel her hands running around the back of my neck and her groin against mine.

"Shit!" I give up, going to the bathroom and locking myself in there. I don't care if I'm late, or what they think. I won't be able to eliminate this with thoughts alone.

I lower my pants and underwear, releasing my already throbbing member. I run my hand over it, making my body vibrate in relief. I let my mind flood with all thoughts and memories with her, feeling my body inflate further.

I increase my speed, being able to feel her touch through my body. I punch the wall, feeling my stomach contract. I rest my forehead against the cool coating, letting out several sighs. Her eyes flash in my mind.

The many times I've seen her face twist in pure orgasm under my touch. That smirk and that vulgar glow she always lets off before pulling me aside. And I always did, like a puppy.

My breathing gets out of control as I reach my orgasm. A wave of relief and lightness overcomes me, along with a wave of guilt. It must have been the 15th time since it all happened.

I can't have her. I can't stand the idea of ​​looking for someone else, even though we are not officially together, so I have to get by with baths and my bare hands, but as a result I feel like the dirtiest human being, as she doesn't even suspect.

I walk down the stairs, not attracting any attention. I find her sitting on the couch, on Leah's lap, laughing at some imitation Ashton was doing. I approach the group, who make no fuss about my delay.

I pick up the bottle of white wine on the coffee table, flipping half the contents. I feel her green eyes burn on me and I don't even have the courage to reciprocate by ignoring her.

“Is everything OK? Sorry if I messed something up.” Hood says next.

“It's OK! In fact, it was better, if you didn't show up, we would have done something stupid.” I say dry.

"Is that why this sour face?" he raises an eyebrow.

"I'm feeling awful for almost bringing her to this and not having the conscience to stop." I reveal a part of the guilt that burns in me.

“Luke, you are not complete strangers. And maybe she really wanted to go further, she just didn't know how. After all, at that moment she was supposed to be your f-”

"I know!" I cut it off, not wanting to hear the rest of the sentence.

For my salvation, someone starts to sing happy birthday and the matter is closed. I open a smile disguising the shit my head was on. Michael puts a little purple hat on my head, blowing a plastic horn, very excited.

The scene makes me laugh, relieving the stress. I watch Leah and Kyleen swing colorful pom poms behind Marnie, who is holding a small cake with several candles.

I look deep into her eyes, noticing her happiness to be there and somehow mine too. After all, she's here, even if she doesn't remember much, she's still here. The accident could have been a lot worse and I could have lost her forever.

I push the damn thoughts away, blowing out the candles and driving everyone crazy. I'm surprised when Marnie leans in, stealing a kiss, not caring that she's in front of everyone. Her rosy cheeks manage to steal a smile far bigger than Michael did.

In the back of the room, I notice Pam with her arms crossed and sulking. I don't know if Marnie did it on purpose, intent on teasing, but something she did, and if Pam is pissed off, we're happy.

The clock was already showing around 5:00 in the morning. I've already fluctuated my alcohol level more times than I can count. While the boys filled me with rum, M&Ms filled me with water and food, afraid I would go into an alcoholic coma or whatever. Of course I took advantage of her concern and all the attention she was giving me.

At some point during the party, Michael took over the DJ's table and there we were, jumping up behind him, singing I Want It That Way at the top of our lungs, with the lost girls trying to do the choreography. That was definitely the best thing about the party, right after my moment with Marnie in the bedroom.

Right after his moment commanding the party's playlist, Clifford decided to climb on the roof to jump into the pool. Something that was already taking a while to happen. What he and no one expected was Marnie yelling at him, worried.

“It's comical, because if it weren't for the amnesia and the lack of alcohol, she would be the one on the roof.” Irwin comments lying beside me, watching the scene of her yelling at Michael, asking him to come down.

“And we called the fire department because she got stuck again.” I shake my head, wanting not to laugh at the memories. “Good times.” I'm toasting my friend, still watching her worriedly behind the older one.

Sitting in the garden, talking to some friends, I watch the girl laughing in a circle with Noah and Calum. She gets up, walking into the house, returning in a few minutes. I watch her come around, stopping behind me.

“Now the one who needs to talk is me.” she whispers in my ear. I don't think twice about taking your hand and heading out of the wheel chat.

I can see a large package in her hands and the idea of ​​being my gift makes me anxious. A little farther away from the mess that remained, she hands me the black box with a gold bow on top. Before opening it, I take a look at her excited smile, letting out a laugh.

I find five rings and three necklaces arranged around the box. I can't hold back the smile, seeing what she's chosen. I know I might look like an idiot for some jewelry, but it's amazing jewelry she picked out.

“You liked?” she bites her lower lip, curious.

“I loved!” I hug your body, thanking her. I know she has no intentions other than to give me a birthday present, but of course I will wear these rings and necklaces with more affection than usual. “Thanks.” I mean, still ecstatic.

Hand in hand, we approached the crowd again, bumping into Kiki, Sophie and Michael.

“We were thinking about going to Michael's house. The party is already boring and I'm hungry.” Kiki comments. I look a little offended at her, after all, that was my birthday party. “Oh! Nothing personal.” she laughs, slapping me on the shoulder.

“What do you think?” I ask the M&Ms, who shrug their shoulders. "Have you talked to the rest?"

“Leah was going to call Noah and Ash, we were going to rescue Calum.”

“OK! We'll get our stuff and meet you at the door.” Marnie agrees and so we disperse.

Still holding hands, we walked back upstairs, looking for her bag. In the kitchen, I grab a bottle of vodka, a tequila, and a whiskey, trying to put everything in my bag, but it doesn't quite work.

“We should take advantage of the gathering and have your liver funeral.” I turn to Marnie who glares at me, seeing three bottles in my arm and me struggling to open one of beer.

Easily, we made our way to the front door, finding Kiki and Sophie. Gradually, everyone arrived and so we left the party, without saying goodbye to anyone.

“Uh, tequila?” Hood comes towards me, hugging the bottle.

Michael's house was the closest and, having drunk too much, we thought we'd better walk.

On the way, we stopped at a bakery, buying a bunch of things to eat. The day was already showing signs of life when we arrived at Mike's house. At the dinner table, we spread out the stolen drinks and food, starting our round table, as well as picking up several board games that Michael kept.

“I wanted to propose a toast to Mr. Luke Hemmings.” Noah draws the toast, making everyone raise their glasses and bottles. “One of the few people worth meeting in this hellish city where you can't trust anyone. The other people are unfortunately not present…”

A shower of paper balls and food flies towards the 20 minutes older twin. I'm surprised when I watch Marnie leave my arms, standing up.

“I also wanted to give a speech.”

“You didn't have to, babe.” I say, shaking her hand that still had our fingers intertwined.

“It's not about you.” she sticks out her tongue, causing everyone to scream.

“Ouch!” I put my hand to my chest, accepting the blow and still feeling my heart race.

“Shut up.” she screams, laughing. “Well, I wanted to make this toast in thanks to all of you. I know it's been three years of friendship, but for me it's only been a month and even with all the confusion and breakup.” her fingers squeeze mine and I move them, giving them a light caress. “You still took me in and took great care of me. I am eternally grateful for that. Leah doesn't even start crying, I need to get this over with and if I cry it's going to go wrong.” the mood breaks a little with the laughter. “Bottom line, I just want to say that whatever the future holds, I like you all a lot and that this isn't just a bunch of crazy friendship the universe threw at me, it's the family I've been looking for. As Noah said, you're the few people worth living in this hell of a city and I love you all so much. Cheers!”

Everyone raises their glasses once more, toasting her speech. I cross my gaze with Leah, who has also noticed something odd. She still hadn't commented on Monday's episode and I still had it hanging around in my mind.

It was very visible that something was troubling her. Her eyes wandering lost, her disappearance since Monday until today, claiming to be super busy and out of time. Everyone was sensing that something was wrong, but she wouldn't let go or comment on it.

“Especially you.” I focus my attention on her, who settles back into my arms. “Regardless of our future, I like you very much.” she whispers, before pressing her lips to mine. “Please never forget that. Promise?”

I get lost in her eyes, noticing a hint of fear and pain in them. It's horrible to see her like this and not know what to do. For nothing in this world I want her to feel unprotected or alone, she said herself that we are a family, so she wouldn't have to face anything alone.

“Only if you promise me you'll tell me what's going on.” I play hard, not caring if this becomes an issue between us, or if it pushes her away a little.

“Luke…” my name comes out in a painful sigh.

"Marnie." I say her name harshly, wanting her to understand that I won't change my mind.

“I'll tell. Just not today. Today is your day and that's what matters to me. So please let's enjoy?” she begs. As always, I surrender, nodding. I drop a kiss to her forehead, before pulling her to my chest again.

Hastings still looks at me suspiciously and unfortunately I only have reason to agree with her. Something was up with Marnie and she didn't want to tell us.

A minute of silence, our baby is turning 25 today and I am not knowing how to handle it.

[spaceskam]

our fainted thrill carries on (1/13)

and the season 2 fix it is here! warning for anxiety, ptsd, canon referenced violence (aka mentions of jesse), etc!

ao3

Michael watched Isobel drag Max’s body across the ground.

She was yelling at him to help, Liz was arguing with her, Kyle was trying his best to subdue the situation, and Rosa had left the cave pretty much the moment he entered to get away from Isobel. It was all too much for him on top of all the other bullshit he was already feeling.

His hand throbbed, aching with a dull handprint with nothing on the other side. He was attached to nothing. He supposed this was the true feeling of emptiness. The worst part was that he was still pissed at Max. He was pissed at him for being selfish, for shooting at him, for healing him, for acting like his problems didn’t matter. But wasn’t he the dick for hating a guy who was dead in front of him?

“Michael! Help me!” Isobel spat.

“That pod’s broken,” he offered limply. They all gave him their attention for some reason.

“What do you mean it’s broken?” Kyle asked. He seemed to be the only one with a level head which made sense. He was a doctor and all. Plus, he’d been slightly less likely to die in the last 48 hours than the rest of them. Felt fair that he played the calm guy.

“You put him in that thing and he gets fucked up like Noah.”

Isobel gave an irritated, mournful whine and then started tugging Max’s body in the other direction. How much did Max weigh? Over 200lbs? Probably. He was tall and he worked out, so over 200 made sense. How did alien BMI work? 

“Michael! Why are you just staring?! Help me!” Isobel spat, dragging him out of his thoughts. Or, kind of. He tried to focus, he really did. It didn’t seem to work, his mind drifting away soon after she got his attention. 

He didn’t like this feeling, this emptiness. It brought him back to nights alone in the airstream when Max was always busy being a cop and Isobel was always busy with everything she could get her hands on. Bringing him back to those moments brought him back to missing Alex. It ripped that band-aid off, pushing him towards that crash landing like always. He hated it. But in the moment? In the moment it felt good. Maybe he could figure out a way to have both…

“Guerin,” Kyle suddenly said, right in front of him. He genuinely looked concerned which was strange. “Are you alright? Are you in shock or are you having a panic attack? Or something else? Are you sleep-deprived?” 

Michael blinked a few times and then looked around. Liz and Isobel had gotten a blanket and were in the process of getting Max’s body in that blanket to make him easier to carry since Michael was useless.

“I’m fine,” he said. Kyle gave him a look. 

“Go home,” he said. Which didn’t sound right and apparently his face betrayed that. “You’re not in a good state of mind and you’re not going to help anyone, especially not yourself, if you stay here. So go home and get some sleep. Can you drive?”

Michael nodded, “I can drive.”

And drive he did.

-

Alex eventually gave up waiting outside Michael’s trailer, realizing that he wasn’t coming home.

He tried not to jump to conclusions about why. He knew Michael had to be going through some shit on top of what happened the day before if that little moment he’d seen him said anything. He could give him some space until he was ready.

Or, at least that’s what he thought until he entered his cabin and found Michael sitting on his couch in the dark.

“Hey,” Alex said when he saw him, locking the three locks on his door behind him. Michael didn’t look up at him, face just so painstakingly sad as he stared at the coffee table. Alex dropped his keys in the bowl beside the door and just waited for him to say something or do something.

“Max is dead,” he whispered, voice breaking, “My mom is dead and Max is dead and Isobel told me I need to move on and I tried, but I… I don’t know why I’m here.”

Alex slowly walked towards him, deciding the best option was to treat him like a wounded animal. He didn’t ask any questions as he made himself known by stepping in his line of sight. He wasn’t sure if he could actually see him, but he was trying his best. Alex noticed his hand was no longer scarred, a glowing layer on top of his skin. He ignored the mixed feelings that stirred in his stomach at the sight.

“You’re always welcome here, okay? No questions asked, no matter what you do or need,” Alex promised. Michael blinked slowly and his eyes drifted slowly to meet Alex’s, his current state of mind portraying how much he didn’t believe him. “I’m not going to be another person you lose, alright? It’s not happening. Tell me what you need.”

Michael was silent for a moment and then another before Alex realized he didn’t have an answer. He didn’t know what he needed. He wondered if anyone had actually ever asked him that before. So, he stepped a little closer and slowly but surely pulled him into a hug. They didn’t hug often, but he needed it. Honestly, they both did.

What Alex didn’t say was that he was thankful he was here. Caulfield was all too fresh on his mind and, even someone as great at compartmentalizing as he was, it was hard when it involved someone he loved and that someone was not doing well in its aftermath. It was just more shit and he knew if he felt like that, Michael must’ve felt it even more. So he wasn’t going to add to it, he was going to take some away.

“I’m gonna go get you a blanket and you can sleep on the couch. I’ll call Liz or Kyle and have them fill me in, you sleep,” Alex whispered to him, trying his best to be some form of comfort. Michael held onto him for a little bit longer before eventually letting go.

Alex did as he promised, fetching a blanket from his bedroom as well as a pillow. Michael pulled off his boots and curled up on the couch while Alex covered him up. He watched him for a moment, watched him cocoon himself for some semblance of comfort. Alex’s heart ached for him, but he couldn’t just watch him all night, so he went to his room and got his phone.

He called Kyle and grabbed a notebook, taking notes as he got filled in so he’d be able to order his thoughts better. Max was dead, Rosa was alive, Isobel had insisted they work on bringing Max back, and Liz was refusing to acknowledge the facts. 

“Okay, what do you need me to do?” Alex asked, drawing a line under the top half of his notes and starting his first bullet point.

“Um, I-I guess we’re going ahead and trying to fix Max,” Kyle said, his voice hesitant and unnerved. Which made sense. In the margin of the page, Alex scribbled ‘make Kyle talk about Caulfield’. “So if you can help me find a space to make a lab, I guess?”

“I can do that,” Alex agreed, “Guerin’s here by the way. I know you don’t care, but I figured Isobel might.”

“Okay, good, good. I’ll tell the girls,” Kyle said. Some rustling sounded on his end and then he spoke again in a hushed voice, “I, uh, also need to talk to you about your dad.”

Alex sat up straight, his eyebrows furrowing. His heart skipped a beat involuntarily and he grabbed the remote on his bedside table, turning on his TV that showed a screen of all the cameras he had around his house. No one was trespassing outside, the doors were all locked (though he’d double-check before he took his prosthetic off), and Michael was still in a ball on the couch.

“He tried to shoot me,” Kyle said, voice still soft but he was clearly on edge.

“Excuse me?” 

“I was wearing a vest and I put him in a medically induced coma. I just got him in the hospital when Liz called me, so I know where he’s at and he’s incapacitated as of right now, but this isn’t forever. We need to move Project Shepard headquarters soon or it’s going to get bigger than this,” Kyle warned. Alex decided not to tell him that it already was bigger than this.

“Okay, I’ll work on shifting everything I’ll work on finding a lab space. Hopefully in the same building and we’ll see what we can do. We can talk more about the specifics tomorrow, I guess. Are you good, though?” Alex asked.

“I’m as good as I can be. Sore, a little confused on how to be a brother all of the sudden,” Kyle sighed, “Look, I gotta go. Liz is trying to fill Rosa in on a decade of information, so I’m gonna try to help or something. Fuck.”

“Okay, take care of yourself. Call me if anything goes bump during the night,” Alex told him.

“I will.”

They hung up without saying goodbye.

-

“Michael.”

Michael sighed and looked up from the car he was working. Isobel stood a few feet away, face cleaned up and dressed almost regal as if that would cover up the fact that Max died last night. He was dead. Dead, dead, dead. 

“What?” he asked. She scoffed, shaking her head.

“What is going on with you? That was so uncharacteristic for you to just leave and then I find out you went to Alex’s? After everything you said yesterday?” she laid out, not wasting any time. He didn’t respond right away. He didn’t really know how to. There wasn’t much to say. He’d hit his limit.

“What do you want me to say, Isobel? Nothing happened between us, I just ended up there because…”

“Because you love him,” Isobel filled in. Michael turned his focus back to the car. “And I know nothing happened because there’s something wrong with you and I don’t know Alex that well, but I know enough that he wouldn’t do anything when you’re... like this. You were off before Max decided to play martyr. So, what happened? Tell me.”

His jaw clenched, gripping the hood of the car until his hands ached. His left hand had a glove on it, hiding the handprint that felt like a taunting reminder of everything, but it still seized up far too fast. It’d been hurting all night and now all day and Michael had to wonder what exactly Max did to him if he didn’t heal it.

“Michael,” Isobel said firmly.

“What? What do you want me to say?” he demanded, “If you knew I was so off, why didn’t you say anything when we were talking yesterday? I thought my relationship problems weren’t that big a deal compared to yours?” Her eyes narrowed at him.

“This isn’t a relationship problem,” she said, scoffing, “It feels closer to the way Max felt after he brought back Liz. Like something is literally wrong inside your head, you’re on edge.” Michael scoffed, slamming the hood and turning to face her. “I didn’t say anything then because I didn’t feel it as strong until Max’s went out. Liz thinks that since my connection to him is shut down, the one I have with you is stronger.”

He felt something hit him deep in his gut. How was she doing that? How was she talking about Max dying as if it was just a small inconvenience? Hell, he barely even liked Max half the time and it felt like much more than an inconvenience.

“Okay,” Michael said, waiting for her to go on. Waiting for her to give him more of a reason to speak.

“What is wrong with you?” she said, ordering him like always.

“Honestly, Iz, none of your business.”

He pushed past her, heading towards the airstream so he could try to order his thoughts. But she followed because of course she did.

“I reported Noah missing this morning,” she said, dropping the subject of him. That got him to stop walking. This was too much. As many times as they’d been involved with a murder, they never had been so close to that person when they were alive. Reporting him missing meant it was real, meant they were going to find him, meant they were on the radar. Isobel stepped closer, lowering her voice. “I did it so I wouldn’t be as suspicious, I need to play the part of a grieving widow and I need your help.”

“Need my help? For what?” Michael sighed. He was tired again. He’d slept so hard at Alex’s, how was he so tired already? 

“Liz is going to be working on the science-y part of bringing Max back,” she said. He furrowed his eyebrows.

“What does that have to do with you playing widow?”

“I need you to help me work on my powers and work on the science part with her,” Isobel said. He still stared at her, wondering how overworking him meant helping her play a role. “But, when the time comes, I need you to be on your best behavior, okay? People know I’m friends with you and I don’t need them thinking one of us killed Noah to be together.”

Michael stared at her for a little while before nodding. What else was he supposed to do except agree? Still, she took it as a positive and hugged him.

“Also, I think I’ll have to keep some space from Liz and Rosa. Rosa kind of wasn’t happy about me staying at Max’s last night and looking at Liz kind of pisses me off right now.”

“Iz…”

“I know, I know. It’s not her fault Max did what he did, but I’m still working on that, I’ve only had a few hours,” she said. Michael nodded and she again gave him that look. “When you’re ready to talk, I’ll listen, okay?” 

He wasn’t sure if he could believe that.

-

“So Rosa’s good and my dad’s stable?” 

“Yeah, I did tests on both of them. Max literally healed her completely, like any sign that she’d ever abused narcotics are gone. Guy gave her a brand new brain,” Kyle said, rolling his eyes. Alex couldn’t help but give a little smile. “And, like I said, I’ll make sure to keep your dad under until you’re ready for it. It’ll be hard since Flint is technically his medical power of attorney, but I’m already breaking rules for worse shit, so.”

“Thank you, man, I really appreciate it,” Alex said, sipping on his beer. Kyle gave a warm smile.

“Rosa said she wants to see you, by the way,” Kyle said, sipping on his beer. Alex tilted his head. “Yeah, she told me she asked Liz to tell you, but I honestly don’t think Liz is on par with where Rosa is. Like, Rosa isn’t really adjusting to having everyone back in her life, just the time jump, so she wants her friends around and Liz is… struggling.”

“I mean, I don’t blame her. It’s gotta be hard,” he agreed. Kyle gave me a look that said ‘you have no idea’ and then took a large swig of his drink. “But, yeah, I’ll make time and I can go see her tomorrow morning.”

When Alex had woken up that morning, Michael wasn’t there anymore. However, his dirty clothes were and he’d stolen some of Alex’s because they were apparently on the level of relationship where he did his fucking laundry. Besides that, though, he made a pot of coffee before he left and Alex was content enough.

“Speaking of, uh,” Alex said, eying Kyle, “Are you good? It’s been a rough couple days. Where’s your head at?”

Kyle raised an eyebrow. “Alex Manes, are you trying to talk about feelings with me?”

Alex rolled his eyes. “Fuck off, I’m trying to be a good friend or whatever the fuck. Nevermind.” 

With a laugh, Kyle said, “I’m okay, I’m just a little more paranoid which isn’t a bad thing considering. Are you okay, though? You and Guerin cut it close getting out of there.” 

Alex shifted in his seat. He’d slept twice since Caulfield, but he could already tell he had a brand new shade of red added to his nightmares. Hell, the only thing that got him back to sleep the night before was seeing that Michael was safe on his couch through the cameras. Part of him wanted to ask Guerin to keep coming back every night, but he didn’t want to sound needy. 

“I’ll be okay. I’m more worried about him though,” Alex admitted. Maybe he had too much to drink or too little to eat or both. Kyle didn’t say anything. “He was so shaken up.”

“Where’s he at now?”

“Knowing him? Drinking and fucking with shit to pretend like he’s fine,” Alex sighed.

“Pretty sure Liz is doing the same,” Kyle said, tilting his beer bottle behind him. Sure enough, Liz was a few seats away talking to Maria and taking shots. She didn’t seem to notice that they were there.

“He did what?” Liz said, her face twisted in response to the tequila and doing a fantastic job at hiding the fact her boyfriend just died and that she was harboring a zombie.

“He just left without telling me why and now he won’t respond!” Maria groaned, rolling her eyes, “Boys are so stupid.”

“I can’t believe he was even here yesterday,” Liz laughed. Alex couldn’t help but furrow his eyebrows, listening a little closer. 

“Yeah, it was honestly kinda romantic before he left. He came in after the storm and just kissed me then played guitar for me, we kissed some more,” Maria said, giving an overexaggerated pout, “But then he ruined it by ignoring me, so.”

“Give him some time. I’m sure he had a good reason,” Liz said. Maria leaned a little closer.

“You know what was weird though? I noticed when he was playing‒his hand was healed. Like, I know it wasn’t like that two days ago, that’s weird, right?”

Alex felt his heart drop, confusion tying knots in his stomach. He kissed Maria. He went to Maria after he promised he would meet Alex, but then chose to go to him after Max died. What the hell did that mean? Was he too embarrassed to be sad in front of her? And to think he almost bought that she would actually step away.

But they weren’t together. Even if Caulfield happened, even if he tried to get his point across, even if he threw his dirty jeans in with his uniform that morning. They weren’t together.

Alex cleared his throat and tried to focus back on Kyle who was already watching him.

“You wanna go?” Kyle asked before he could even try to act like that hadn’t thrown him for a loop.

“Yes, actually.”

“Got it.”

-

“Oh, shit, you got buff.”

“Don’t tell him that.”

Alex grinned nonetheless, rolling his eyes as Rosa felt his biceps during their hug. He’d forgotten how much he missed her. It felt weird, hugging her and being reminded that she had been his idol back in the day. He’d wanted so badly to be like her when he was young, but now she was still 19 and he had grown out of everything she taught him.

“He already thinks he’s hot shit,” Kyle added once they pulled away.

“As if you don’t think you’re hot shit,” Alex shot back.

“Boys, boys, don’t fight, you’re both pretty,” Rosa insisted. They both let out soft laughs, sitting on the couch of Max Evans’ house like it was normal. But he supposed it would have to become normal.

“Where exactly is Liz?” Kyle asked, “I mean, I know they found Noah’s body this morning, but I thought she’d be here with you.”

“She left this morning to go to work and I think she has plans to meet up with the aliens to discuss what to do with the white savior,” Rosa explained. Alex snorted, folding in his lips to suppress a laugh. 

“So, just a question, who all knows about this alien bullshit? Like who am I allowed to talk to?” Rosa asked, “Because the idea of being stuck here forever with just Liz and Isobel Evans dropping by kinda makes me want to scream.” Alex laughed, rubbing his leg mindlessly as he readjusted on Max’s stiff couch. 

“Um, I think you’re all caught up on who knows. Me, Kyle, Michael, Isobel, Liz. That’s it, I think,” Alex said. He was technically leaving out a couple people, but that was territory he wasn’t in the mood for. Besides, those were the only people that mattered.

“What about Maria?”

“What about Maria?” 

“Why do you know, but not Maria?” Rosa asked, gesturing to Alex. That confused him and he looked to Kyle as if trying to understand why that had anything to do with anything. However, it became a little more clear when he remembered just how much of a package deal they’d been at one point in life.

“So, I don’t really wanna get into all the gritty details, but my dad was involved with alien shit. I found out through that and I’ve been using my military clearance to make sure no one gets caught when they do things like resurrect dead girls,” Alex pointed out, giving a teasing smile. Rosa snorted.

“You went into the military?”

“Air Force,” he said. She scoffed and leaned back into the couch, shaking her head at him.

“No wonder Liz thinks you’ve changed.”

Alex cocked an eyebrow. “She said that?”

“I mean, yeah,” Rosa said, “I asked if you could come over, but she acted like you weren’t the same person that you were when I saw you last and I had to ask Quarterback here to even get in touch with you.” Alex tried to not let that hit so hard. It made enough sense. It must’ve been hard to like him now that he wasn’t so nice, right? He shifted in his seat and Rosa, of course, spotted it immediately. “But fuck that, you know? I know Alex and you still own a room, so you’re still there.”

“He definitely does more than own a room now though,” Kyle jumped in. Rosa made a face like she didn’t have to be convinced to believe that.

“What about your music, though? Or boys? C’mon, give me all the gossip, I’ve missed out on a decade of boy drama. Spill.”

“Okay, I can’t really help on this topic, so I’m gonna raid the kitchen,” Kyle decided, earning laughs from both of them as he exited. But Rosa just leaned forward, eager for whatever he had to say.

“I don’t have much boy drama, sorry to disappoint,” he said, smiling sweetly. She rolled her eyes.

“Bullshit, you’re a fine piece of ass and you always have been,” Rosa insisted. Laughter bubbled out of Alex easier than it had in weeks. “At least what about Michael? He’s still around, so, like, something happened.”

Alex smiled a little sadly as she brought him up. He’d almost forgotten that she was the only one who knew, mainly because she was the only one who could see it from a mile away. He didn’t have to tell her anything, she just knew. She felt like his only safe space for so long and it was strange to remember that maybe, just maybe, he could have that back.

“Well, to shorten a long story, we’ve been kinda on and off since high school. We’re both just… It’s hard to be with someone when their family literally hunted your entire family, you know? I don’t blame him for not wanting me anymore,” he blurted. Rosa tilted her head, looking at him without a single ounce of pity. He loved her for it.

“Alex, fuck that. You’re a good person and if he doesn’t get that, then fuck him,” she said. He smiled and tossed his head back on the couch, groaning slightly.

“No, no, it’s just a lot. We keep just fucking up around each other. I push him away, he pushes me away, we never seem to be on the same page,” Alex tried. 

“Then get on the same damn page,” she insisted. He looked over to her.

“How?”

“Alex, I know this sounds scary, but you speak to him.”

He huffed a laugh, glossing over how terrifying that actually sounded.

Talking with Rosa again felt like a certain type of therapy he didn’t know he needed, even if it was weird to throw Kyle in the mix. She was always able to unscramble things in his brain in a way that he understood. Even if right now, they were simply talking about what she’d missed over the last decade and they were skipping the serious stuff. This felt good.

A few hours passed and they’d agreed to hang out more until they could figure out what they were actually going to do about her. Honestly, it felt like the first conversation Alex had had in a while that wasn’t life or death. It was casual. And you know what?

Alex felt better.

-

The night before, after Alex had gotten back from the bar, Michael had shown up and let himself inside. 

He was wearing his own clothes, the ones he stole from Alex nowhere to be seen, and crawled onto the couch without a word. Alex had watched in silent amazement as he re-locked the door without looking. He hoped one day he wouldn’t be so impressed every time Michael used his telekinesis. It would have to happen one day. Today wasn’t that day, though, and they shared no words as Alex let him sleep there. As confused as he was, he promised him a safe space and he wasn’t going to take that away.

If he slept a little better that night having Michael so close, no one had to know.

Tonight, Michael did the same thing. Alex, however, feeling a little more confident after his talk with Rosa, walked over to the back of the couch. With a mug of tea in his hands, he peered down at the man he loved more than anything in the world. He looked rough and sad, but equally adorable as he had the blanket pulled up to his nose. Eventually, he felt eyes on him.

“Is this your way of telling me to go?” Michael asked, his voice set like he expected this to happen despite the fact he never opened his eyes. Alex shook his head.

“No, I said you’re welcome and I meant it,” Alex told him, “But I do want to make it clear that I meant what I said before that too. I want to feel like myself and I want to stop fighting stupid battles and work on separating myself from my father. That means if we’re going to be around each other, things have to be different. We can’t repeat. We need to be completely open with each other so I can help you and your siblings.”

Michael opened his eyes, looking up at him with skepticism. He was always so skeptical of Alex unless they were fucking. What did that say about them as people?

“What if I don’t want your help?”

“Well, too bad. I’m doing it for more than just you. Which means I’m re-enlisting and I’m finding a space for you, Kyle, and Liz to use as a lab while working on whatever the hell Isobel is trying to do with Max that’ll be under military-grade protection,” Alex said honestly. Michael sat up so quick he almost fell off the couch. “But that being said, I would like your permission to look into your mother for just you.” 

“Alex, I can’t let you‒”

“I want to.”

They stared at each other for a moment, letting the words sink in. 

“Okay. Only if you want to,” Michael said, clearly still processing everything despite his words. Alex licked his lips and took a sip of his tea. 

“And I know that you kissed Maria the other day,” Alex said boldly. Michael’s eyes flickered back up to him, frozen like he expected that to be the moment he was kicked out. “We’re not together, so I can’t be mad. But I’m letting you know I know.”

Michael just stared at him, not knowing what to say. That felt good. No wonder Michael left him speechless all the damn time. The power that held made him feel like he had control for once in his damn life.

“You’re still welcome here,” Alex told him before saying his goodnight and letting him curl back up on the couch.

Because, as honest as Alex was feeling, he couldn’t tell him how much he needed him only a few feet away.

[btsqualityy]

BTS Toddler Series #31: Jealousy

Kim Seokjin

“Auntie,” Berkeley called as she ran up to you as you all sat backstage in the arena that the members were performing in.

“Yeah Berk?” You smiled as you looked down at her.

“Can you draw with me?” She asked and you nodded your head.

“Of course, come on,” you said as you walked with her over to the small corner that was filled with activities for all of the toddlers to do. You lowered yourself onto the ground and she sat next to you as you grabbed two blank sheets of paper for the two of you to draw on. You both grabbed some markers and went to work on drawing, a comfortable silence hanging between you two.

“Mommy?” Kaiden called and you looked up, watching as he sat up on the couch and rubbed the sleep from his nap out of his eyes.

“Hey Kade,” you smiled. 

“Can we cuddle?” He asked, still not entirely awake. 

“I’m drawing with Berk right now sweetie,” you said. “You can come draw with us though, if you want to.” Kaiden then just laid back down on the couch and you didn’t really think anything of it since you assumed that he was just gonna go back to sleep, so you refocused your attention back on your drawing. It wasn’t until you heard soft crying that you looked back over at the couch.

“Kade?” You called, getting up from the floor and walking over and sitting down on the couch next to him. “Baby, why are you crying?”

“Mommy doesn’t want to cuddle me,” he sniffled as he turned his head to look up at you. “Wanna play with Berk instead.”

“Aw baby, come here,” you said and Kaiden sat up and moved over into your lap. “I was playing with Berk before you woke up from your nap, and it wouldn’t have been nice to just leave her alone, right?”

“I guess,” Kaiden muttered and you chuckled lightly, knowing that he was just sleepy and jealous and that’s why he was acting like this.

“That doesn’t mean that Mommy doesn’t wanna cuddle,” you assured him as you wiped his face free of tears. “I’ll always wanna cuddle with you, ok?”

“Ok Mommy,” he nodded and you pressed a kiss to his hair before hugging him tightly.

Min Yoongi

“I love you Y/N-ah,” Yoongi murmured as he moved from on top of you and laid next to you, leaving a kiss on your bare shoulder.

“I love you more Yoongs,” you whispered, turning onto your side to face him completely. “We never get to do that in the mornings anymore, not since Kins is usually in bed with us.”

“I know. Lucky for us she slept in her bed last night huh?” Yoongi smirked before pressing another kiss to the side of your neck. Suddenly, there was a knock on your bedroom door.

“Speak of our little bed creeper,” you chuckled before turning and looking over your shoulder. “Come on in Kins.” The door then opened all of the way, Kinsley toddling inside with her over-sized BTS t-shirt on.

“Hey baby girl,” Yoongi smiled softly as he reached over and helped Kinsley up onto the bed. “How’d you sleep?”

“Ok,” Kinsley whispered as she climbed over Yoongi’s body and settled in between the two of you. Yoongi reached over and grabbed your hand, intertwining your fingers with his. Kinsley saw this, however and grabbed Yoongi’s hand, pulling it away from yours and holding it to her chest with both of her hands.

“Ok rude,” you scoffed, making Yoongi chuckle as he looked down at Kinsley.

“Is someone feeling a little jealous?” Yoongi cooed and Kinsley just turned and hid her face in his chest.

“Even though I’m feeling a little slighted right now, I can’t even deny how cute this is,” you laughed, making Yoongi do the same.

Kim Namjoon

“Y/N-ah?” Namjoon called out as he slowly opened the door to your bedroom, a smile overcoming his face when he saw you.

“Joon?” You said as you opened your eyes and looked towards the door, gasping softly when you realized it was him. “Joon!” You threw the cover off of your body and jumped out of the bed, running over to him and literally jumping up into his arms.

“I see that someone missed me,” he chuckled as he hugged you tightly. 

“Of course I did,” you cooed before pulling your face out of his neck to look at him. “I hate it when you go on business trips for the group.”

“Well, I’m back now jagi,” he smiled and you wasted no time in pressing your lips to his. Namjoon carried you over to the bed, setting you down on the mattress before climbing on top of you.

“I missed you so much,” he whispered against your lips.

“Missed you more,” you replied.

“Mommy? Daddy?” You heard Mason call out and Namjoon quickly moved from on top of you and you both looked towards the door.

“Hey Mase,” you smiled, trying to act like everything was normal. “Look who’s home.”

“Hi buddy,” Namjoon said and Mason walked over to the bed and climbed up, hugging Namjoon tightly. “I missed you.”

“Missed you too Daddy,” Mason replied and when Namjoon released him from the hug, Mason immediately moved over to you and climbed onto your lap and laid his head in your neck.

“What’s wrong baby?” You asked as you wrapped your arms around him.

“I think he was j-e-a-l-o-u-s of seeing us k-i-s-s-i-n-g jagi,” Namjoon spelled out with a smile and your eyebrows raised in surprise.

“Aww, Mommy has enough kisses for you too Myungie,” you cooed, taking a second to press a kiss to the side of his head.

Jun Hoseok

“Thanks for watching him for us Y/N and Hobi,” your brother said as he stood next to the front door.

“No problem,” you smiled as you helped your nephew put on his shoes. “I loved having one of my favorite boys here today.”

“And he was an angel,” Hobi added as he gave your brother a knowing look, making him laugh. 

“Good. Well, we gotta get home now,” your brother said. “Tell your auntie bye bye.”

“Bye,” your nephew pouted as he hugged you tight.

“Bye sweetie,” you said before kissing him on the cheek. “Make sure you come back to visit us again soon, alright?”

“I will!” He nodded.

“See you later guys,” Hobi chuckled as he opened the door and watched your brother and nephew walk out of the house.

“Have you seen the kids?” You asked Hobi after he had shut the front door. 

“Not in a while no,” he admitted. “Len! Princess!” He called and a few seconds passed before they walked into the front hall where the front door was.

“Hey, where have you two been?” Hobi asked them.

“In our room,” Berkeley answered and you noticed the looks on their faces.

“Are you two ok? You look sad,” you observed.

“We are sad,” Lennox replied. “You didn’t play with us today, only Y/N/N.”

“Oh babies,” you sighed, not even having realized that you had been that preoccupied with your nephew that you ignored them. “Come here,” you said as you kneeled down on the floor and opened your arms, waiting until they both walked over to you and leaned against you.

“I still love the both of you, I was just trying to spend some time with your cousin too, that’s all,” you explained. 

“Are we more fun than Y/N/N?” Berkeley asked, making you laugh.

“Definitely, but don’t tell him I said that, ok?” You asked and they both nodded while giggling. “I love you both, ok?”

“Love you too mommy,” Lennox replied and you hugged them both close to your chest.

Park Jimin

“Hey hey,” you called as you walked into the studio. Jimin looked up and smiled softly, walking over to you and kissing you gently.

“Thank God you’re here,” he huffed after he pulled away from your lips.

“Why, what happened?” You asked and Jimin was about to reply when Noah squealed loudly.

“Mommy!” He exclaimed, standing up from where he had been playing with Kinsley and running over to you. You caught him, picking him up and setting him on your hip.

“Hi baby,” you smiled, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek and he then laid his head against your shoulder, burrowing his face in your neck. 

“He’s been a little j-e-a-l-o-u-s,” Jimin sighed and you looked up at him in surprise.

“Really? Him?” You said as you nodded down towards Noah.

“Yeah. I was c-u-d-d-l-i-n-g with K-i-n-s and he lost his s-h-i-t,” Jimin explained. 

“Aww Noey,” you cooed, hugging him tighter to you. “Was someone mad at Daddy for cuddling with someone else?”

“Daddy only cuddle with me and Mommy,” Noah muttered. 

“Well, you heard it from the source,” you shrugged with a smile on your face.

“Y/N-ah, come on,” Jimin sighed. “You know that’s not fair.”

“I’m kidding Jimin-ssi,” you laughed. “Noah, you know that Daddy loves you and your cuddles, right?” You said and Noah nodded slowly. “And Daddy gives such good cuddles, shouldn’t he share them with other people too?” 

“Y-yeah,” Noah agreed hesitantly. “Sorry Daddy.”

“Aw, it’s ok mini me,” Jimin grinned, proud of the fact that Noah had apologized unprompted and even though he really didn’t need to. Jimin held his hands out and you passed Noah off to him, watching with a smile as Jimin kissed Noah’s nose and then hugged him close.

Kim Taehyung

“Hey, I’m home!” Taehyung announced as he walked through the front door of the house, shutting the door behind him once he was inside. 

“Hi Tae,” you smiled as you walked up to him and waited until he took his shoes off to hug him. “How was your day?”

“Long,” he huffed as he squeezed you tightly. “It also doesn’t help that I couldn’t stop thinking about my beautiful wife all day.”

“Was it me you were thinking about or what we did this morning before you left?” You wondered with a giggle as you pulled back to look at him.

“Not gonna lie, a little of both,” he shrugged, making you roll your eyes playfully. 

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you either,” you admitted with a small smile. Tae just responded by leaning forward and pressing his lips to yours firmly. You moaned lightly, setting your hands on the sides of his neck and holding him close to you. Suddenly, you felt a hand tapping your thigh repeatedly.

“Hey,” Spencer whined as you and Taehyung pulled away from each other and looked down at her.

“Hi Munchkin,” Tae grinned widely, reaching down and picking her up. Spencer immediately wrapped her little arms around her Daddy’s neck and held onto him.

“Oh my gosh,” you laughed, not all surprised that Spencer was acting like that.

“What?” Taehyung asked.

“She was jealous of seeing us kissing,” you said.

“No need to be jealous Munchkin,” Taehyung cooed. “Daddy can give you and Mommy kisses.”

Jeon Jungkook

“Oh my gosh Kook, come look,” you squealed as you leaned over into the baby’s stroller. You, Jungkook, and Ava had been having a family day and were walking around in downtown Seoul, when you ran into a woman who was pushing a stroller with one of the cutest babies that you had ever seen inside.

“Look at her chubby little hands,” Jungkook chuckled as he let the baby grab onto his finger.

“She is beautiful,” you cooed as you looked up at the woman who had been pushing the stroller.

“Thank you so much,” her mother said. You and Jungkook fussed over the baby for a few more minutes, saying goodbye to her and her mother afterwards.

“Alright, are you getting hungry Ave?” You asked her as the three of you continued to walk down the street. “We could get lamb skewers.”

“Yeah,” Ava shrugged and both you and Jungkook looked down at her because of the tone of voice she had used.

“What’s wrong Angel?” Jungkook questioned and Ava pouted.

“Am I beautiful too Daddy?” She wondered and your eyes widened because you immediately knew why she asked that question.

“Of course you are Angel,” Jungkook confirmed.

“Just like the baby?” She asked and you sighed heavily. You kneeled down so that you were level with Ava and grabbed her hands and held them in yours.

“Ava, just because we thought that baby was beautiful, that doesn’t mean that we don’t think you’re beautiful too,” you explained. 

“Really?” She whispered.

“Absolutely,” Jungkook agreed as he kneeled down as well. “We’ll always think you’re the most beautiful girl in the world.”

“Noo,” she sing songed. “Mommy too.”

“Thanks Ave,” you laughed before kissing her cheek, making Jungkook follow suit and press one to her opposite cheek as well.

“Can we get skewers now?” Ava asked and you and Jungkook both nodded before the three of you continued to walk down the street.

[voldemorthatesnose96]

belle âme

It got yeeted so I reposted it again. Sorry everyone

Robbe is a kindergarten teacher where Sander’s brother named Noah is a new student there

If you can find the easter egg, please comment!😂

For most people, children is such a nuisance. Their never-end chattering, yelling, screaming, breaking things, crying unnecessarily, throwing tantrums—well, you all know the rest. Being a parent to children is one thing, but being their teacher is a whole new level of stress. Especially when you’re working at the kindergarten school.

Almost all teachers here are complaining about the same thing every single day, and to be honest, for Robbe IJzermans; the first youngest teacher since this school was opened in 2001, feel like their useless talking is way more annoying than the child’s tantrum.

As usual, he’s the first person coming at school and minding his own business while eating sandwiches when not long after, a couple of another teachers are entering the room and groaning in unison about what kind of disaster they’ll get today. Robbe only give them a reluctant smile when he’s being asked about how annoying some students are.

Why don’t you just quit then?, he swears internally.

Robbe quickly sigh in relief when the clock strike at 7.25 AM, which means that the class is going to start in 5 minutes. After saying goodbye to other teachers, he swiftly making his way to the class.

Robbe is always have doubts in his mind, but one thing for sure and also something that he’ll always be proud of, is the fact that his students love and respect him. Robbe doesn’t know how it happens and never in his life, he ever think that these students will get along him like it’s the most natural thing in the world. Not gonna lie, he always cries when his one of his student gives him a simple note after the class’s end—a very innocent note like “thankssss yuuuuu for todayyyy mr IJzermanzzz! We lovvvessss yuuu SO MUCH!” with a doodle underneath it. So far, the notes he’s getting is more than 20 now and they’re all safe inside his desk at home.

Robbe IJzermans love children and will always be. It might be weird for some people, but it’s true. Every word of it.

“Good morning, everyone!” Robbe greet them with a smile as bright as the sun.

“Good morning, mr IJzermans!” The students greets back in unison, way louder than it should be but Robbe never mind it.

Robbe puts down the textbooks on his desk and says, “we have a great news today! Anyone can guess?”

In an instant, this class is filled with students’ noise. Robbe has to calm them down for a while before they can actually answer.

“New game?” Moyo Makadi raise his hand and jumping excitedly.

“Tour?” Zoe Loockx’s eyes widen at this thought but try hard not to get too ahead of herself.

“Story-telling?” Aaron Jacobs suggest. His curly hair is looking even more curly for these past days; Wonder why.

The other boy who sits beside him rolls his eyes. Senne de Smet is always be the brain in the class and also the most composed, “you is very dumb.”

“Senne, you can’t say that.” Robbe gently remind him. “Say sorry, please?”

“Sorry.” Senne immediately obey.

“And what should we say, then?” Robbe asks the whole class.

“IT IS OKAY, SENNE!”

Robbe grins widely, feeling proud, “good job, everyone!” then he pulls out a piece of paper from his files. “Because none of you guess it right, I will reveal the answer. Drum rolls, please!”

Robbe and his students are tapping the desks together for few seconds before Robbe’s voice stop them.

“We are going to have a new friend!” He announces happily.

When his students are just looking at him in bewilderment, Robbe can’t help but feel confuse and also have this weird urge to laugh because of the faces they’re making right now; it’s like he just said something peculiar and shocking.

“What’s wrong?”

There’s only one student who’s brave enough to raise their hand.

“Yes, Jens?”

“Mr IJzermans, are you going to like this new friend more than us?”

This is WHY Robbe love children so much. Besides their tantrums and everything, but their innocence is the one that not so many people can appreciate.

Robbe examine every single face of his students and they all showing the same concern. So he says, “I will like him as much as I like you all. This is a promise. Please, don’t worry anymore. Okay, class?”

The effect of his words is gradually seen from the children’s expression.

“OKAY, MR IJZERMANS!”

“Please stay calm while I’m gone to meet him. Thank you!”

Robbe thought the new student (Robbe remembers his name is Noah Driesen) will be waiting in front of the office like other kid usually do but no; Noah is already waiting beside his classroom, looking frightened until his grips on his backpack strap is too tight.

Robbe kneeling in front of him until his height is almost the same like Noah’s, looking at his nervous green eyes and says, “you must be Noah Driesen, right?”

The little kid doesn’t answer, still too scared to say anything.

Robbe offers his hand, “hello, Noah. My name is Robbe IJzermans, your new teacher.”

But Noah still not giving any reaction.

This isn’t the first time since Robbe has been working as a teacher, dealing with something like this. So as a gentle yet careful approach, he places his hand on top of Noah’s handgrip.

“Okay, you don’t need to shake my hand but can I ask you few questions? You just need to nod or shake your head, okay?”

Even though Noah is clearly worried but he give Robbe’s request a nod. Robbe see this as a chance.

“Very good,” he smiles kindly. “The first question is, if I ask you to look at me, would you do it?”

Noah take a few second to think about it, then ever so slowly, he lifts his eyes to looks at Robbe’s warm chocolate eyes.

“It’s easy, isn’t it?” Noah smile nervously, while Robbe is trying to loosen the grip without him noticing. “The second question is, would you be my friend, Noah?”

Once again, the little kid nods but more confident this time. This make Robbe feel genuinely happy and content.

“Last question is, are you still afraid? Now that I’m your friend?”

For the first time ever, Noah finally speak, “no, mr IJzermans.”

Robbe ruffle Noah’s brunette hair, get up from the kneeling position (his legs are a bit numb) and offer his hand again.

“Shall we go to class now?”

Noah take his hand and hold it tightly, “yes, please!”

What an adorable kid, Robbe thought with awe.

It’s a huge relief that the whole class seems to be welcoming and warming up to Noah immediately. Jens even offering the seat beside him once Noah’s done introducing himself.

The class is officially starting at 8.30 AM and most of them are pleading to draw instead of doing basic mathematic. Of course, Robbe can’t refuse. Rules be damned.

“Alright, take out your crayons and drawing book, make everything that you want! Have fun!”

“YAAAAAAY!”

Suddenly Noah raise his hand, “mr IJzermans, I don’t bring anything to draw.”

A curly-haired girl wearing glasses named Luca is walking towards him immediately while bringing her crayons and colored pencils with her.

“Here! We can share!”

Robbe also give Noah his new drawing book. He always bring one or two in case one of his student is forget to bring it here.

“For you. Use it well.”

“THANK YOU, LUCA!” Noah beams. “THANK YOU, MR IJZERMANS!”

After few shouting from the students and flying crayons in the air later, they’re all finally finished with their drawings. Noah is the last kid to hand his work. But before he leaves, he asks Robbe to kneel again.

“Yes?”

“Mr IJzermans, can Noah marry you?”

This isn’t the first time Robbe is being asked for something like this from the other girl students before, but considering it comes from a boy he just teached today, Robbe can’t help but feel a bit surprised, but also happy. The determination on Noah’s face is incredible; it makes Robbe want to pinch his cheeks.

“You don’t mind that I’m also a boy?”

Noah shakes his head strongly, “no. Noah do not mind!”

Robbe place his hand on Noah’s head and softly says, “then, I’ll gladly marry you.”

“Really?!”

“Really really!”

Noah hold his yelp then plead, “can I tell my big brother too, mr IJzermans? Will you meet him later?”

How could Robbe said no that face? Or any children’s face, in general? Naaaah...

“I’d love to.”

“YAY!”

And without saying another word, Noah skipping happily to his seat while Robbe watching him in awe. Why does kids are super adorable? It hurts sometimes.

The rest of today’s lesson is going well. Even though, there’s one student named Britt Ingelbrecht, who cry because Jana Ackerman accidentally hit her head with a ruler before the class end. Robbe has to calm them both for nearly twenty minutes and being grateful that they’re finally okay.

After saying goodbye to each of the students by doing a high-five on their way out, Noah is now offering his hand, pouting slightly—perhaps thinking that Robbe is forgetting that he’s supposed to mee his older brother after school.

Robbe is grinning widely as he take Noah’s little hand and walking side by side.

“Mr IJzermans will looooove big brother as much as Noah do!”

“Is that so?” Robbe replies calmly.

Noah is skipping now, “YES!”

But then when they’re about to exit the building, Noah is pointing his finger at a boy around Robbe’s age with hair as white as freshly fallen snow, wearing black everything; making him as a living depiction of Yin and Yang itself because of the contrast between his hair and the clothes he’s wearing. The first thought that comes to Robbe’s mind about this boy is ‘alluring’, and Robbe can’t look away from him.

“That’s Noah’s big brother, mr IJzermans.”

“Oh...okay...”

Robbe stutters as Noah pull his hand to walk towards his brother, who’s now smiling brightly of seeing Noah before his eyes lands on Robbe. The same green eyes like Noah’s, but a bit darker and probably hide many deep emotions there. Robbe gulp at the thought.

“Noah, who is this?” The boy asks.

“Big brother, this is Noah’s new teacher, Mr IJzermans! He helped Noah today with drawing and ma... mathmmmatical...”

“Mathematics.” Robbe corrects little Noah slowly.

“Yes yes, numbers. Noah do not like.”

His older brother doesn’t say anything but he gives Robbe a smirk, and his heart beats fast in the matter of seconds.

“Guess what... guess what, big brother! Come on! Guess!”

“What is it, little brother?”

“Mr IJzermans agreed to marry Noah!!!!”

Noah’s brother instantly pierce his stare at Robbe again. Though, it looks like he’s more curious and somewhat amused rather than feeling weird about it.

“Is that true?”

Feel like Robbe’s tongue is tied in a knot, so he just nods once. Sincerely hoping his cheeks and his neck aren’t turning red right now.

“Noah?”

“Yes, big brother?”

“What if I marry your teacher first?”

How dare this stranger asks such question in front of his own little brother?! And most importantly, his tone is as light as a feather and very devil-may-cry like; as if this question is something he’s been asking a lot of times before?

But why why why does Robbe’s feel butterflies in his stomach?! Is this normal for everybody?!

“Sir, you can’t...”

“Sander,” he cuts Robbe quickly. “Don’t call me sir. I feel old.”

Robbe’s taking a deep breath and mildly scolding Sander, “okay, Sander, you can’t say something like that in front of a child.”

“What was your name again?”

“Robbe IJzermans.”

“Okay, Robbe,” Sander mimic Robbe’s tone earlier, also his smirk is still clearly visible. “My brother is way mature than he looks. Don’t worry too much. Right, little brother?”

Noah nods excitedly, “Noah do not mind if you marry mr IJzermans too.”

This need to stop, Robbe thought.

“Just messing around with you,” Sander assures him. “You seemed tense earlier.”

Before Robbe can make a comment, Sander speak again.

“Well, we gotta go now. The traffic’s crazy,” he takes Noah’s hand in his. “Say goodbye to your teacher, Noah.”

Little Noah let go of his brother’s hand and hug Robbe’s waist before wave his hand and say, “See you tomorrow, mr IJzermans!”

“See you tomorrow.”

Much to Robbe’s surprise, Sander suddenly asks his brother to say goodbye to his other friends, which Noah happily obey. Now, there’s just the two of them talking, face to face.

“thanks for taking care of my brother,” the bleached hair guy say so very gently. “It means a lot to me.”

“Don’t be. I’m his teacher after all,” Robbe smiles reassuringly. “He’s very good at drawing. Just so you know.”

Sander looks like he’s contemplating. But when he opens his mouth to say something, he immediately closes it again, and instead, gives Robbe a thankful smile and says, “thanks nonetheless. I’ll see you around, then? Maybe?”

Robbe nods, “sure, Sander.”

Sander

Instead of turning his body to walk towards the building, Robbe’s feet somehow glued to where he’s standing, watching these brothers genuinely care for each other really warm his heart. Though one thing for sure, the bleached hair boy, Sander Driesen, will fill up Robbe’s mind for the rest of the day.

And he doesn’t mind it. At all.

[sunnyrollins]

Hello there lovely! Firstly, I LOVE your writing. You're just so GOOD. It literally lights up my day when I see you've posted a Rollisi prompt. Much love! Secondly, I was wondering if there was any chance of you doing a song prompt. I adore "Say You Won't Let Go" by James Arthur for Rollisis and would love to see some sort of fic based on it. No pressure if it's not your style. Take it or leave it. Love your work! You're the hero us Rollisi fans need!

[anon, this literally made me cry ilysm ! i’m so sorry this took me so long to get to ! i hope you saw the post i made shortly after you sent this saying i was doing it so you don’t think i just totally ignored you especially after all your kindness !]

The precinct felt particularly quiet that night. It usually did after a particularly difficult case. And, even after years of working at SVU, nothing was more difficult for Amanda than working cases involving children.

She sat at her desk, looking intently at the pictures of her daughters that were proudly displayed, unable to stop the familiar, intrusive thoughts from encroaching into her consciousness. She’d seen the worst of what the world had to offer working in the field that she chose. If anything were to ever happen to either of her girls…

She had enough restraint to flip the switch before the thought could fully manifest. Jesse and Billie were okay. They were fine…probably warm and comfortable in their pajamas, unwinding before bed. The thought was comforting, but also brought on a wave of almost guilt. Her kids were happy and safe and loved. The kids who’d been victimized by that animal…

“Rollins,” Amanda blinked back the tears that had threatened to spill at the corners of her eyes and turned to face Olivia at the sound of her voice. “Go home. Be with the girls.”

Amanda shook her head, as if to jostle the dark thoughts from her mind, and she took a deep breath to steady herself. “Yeah,” she agreed. Her eyes flickered to the framed photographs of her daughters one last time before she finally stood up from her desk. “These cases make you wanna go home and hug the people you love a little tighter.”

“I know Noah and I will be watching an extra hour of TV together tonight,” Olivia agreed with a small, sad smile.

Amanda returned the sentiment, but thought twice before offering a response on how her own night would transpire. Keeping things in her personal life under wraps had been getting inexplicably more difficult as time went on, and she’d found that she had almost slipped up on quite a few occasions within the past month.

Keeping secrets from Olivia and Fin was discernibly not her favorite thing to do, but it was necessary…for the sake of the job as well as for the sake of preserving what was hers and only hers for as long as possible. She loved them like they were family, but they — if nothing else — were opinionated. And it had admittedly been nice not having an outside opinion on her life outside of work since she’d been pregnant with Billie.

When it was clear that a nod was all the response that her detective was going to give, Olivia pulled her bag up a little higher onto her shoulder, fastening the final button on her coat. “Give the girls an extra kiss for me,” she said.

Amanda nodded again, her smile a little less melancholic this time. “See you in the morning, Captain.”

When she arrived back home, Amanda stopped outside of her apartment to fish her keys out of her coat pocket. From the other side of the door, she could hear a familiar voice, and a small smile touched her lips, as she paused to listen to the sound of the thick, Staten Island accent reading the words to one of Jesse’s favorite books that she had all but memorized by that point.

“The witch had a cat and a hat that was black, and long ginger hair in a braid down her-”

“Back!” Jesse finished excitedly.

Amanda smiled to herself before finally unlocking and opening the door, and the sight in front of her — with Billie sleeping soundly against Carisi’s shoulder and Jesse curled up against his side to look at the pictures in the book — was enough to send every fearful and negative thought about the recently closed case back into the furthest corners of her consciousness.

“Mommy!” Jesse exclaimed with a wave in her direction once she closed the door behind her.

The small smile that Amanda previously wore grew as she exchanged glances between all of the familiar faces. “You three havin’ fun without me?”

Jesse climbed into Carisi’s lap to take the book out of his hands and turn it to show the pictures to her mother. “We’re reading Room on the Broom!”

“Again?” Amanda asked with mock surprise. As if by second nature, she unclasped her necklace to remove the diamond ring that had been tucked into her shirt all day before slipping it back into its rightful place on her left hand. “One more reading and Uncle Sonny might start asking for a lobotomy.”

Carisi chuckled, but Jesse simply looked up at him with furrowed eyebrows. “What’s a bononomy?”

“Don’t worry about it,” he assured her. “How about before we finish me and Mom get Billie settled for the night and you can show her the picture you drew before, alright?”

“Okay!” Jesse agreed easily and with a jovial smile. She clambered out of his lap and set the book down on the coffee table, taking off down the hallway nearly as soon as her slippers hit the floor.

Amanda took the sleeping toddler from Carisi’s arms, kissing her head and holding her just a little bit closer than usual, and he followed behind her as they made their way into Billie’s dimly lit bedroom to put her to bed. After tucking her in and whispering a gentle goodnight, she turned to the man behind her, winding her arms tightly around his waist, and resting her head against the crook of his neck.

It seemed contrived, but she couldn’t help but notice that all of the darkness that had tainted her world throughout the years had become a little bit lighter since she’d finally allowed herself to fully let him in. From childhood, life had been anything but easy.. It all lingered in the back of her consciousness in a seemingly endless cycle. Maybe it always would. But sometimes in the simplest moments…when she’d watch him tuck the girls into bed, or she’d wake up to a gentle kiss before he’d get up to put on a pot of coffee…it all seemed to fade away for a little while.

She breathed out nearly all of the tension of the day in a soft sigh, her eyes squeezing closed as if to help her to memorize everything about him in that moment — the warmth of his skin, the smell of the cologne on the collar of his shirt, the soft whisper of his voice when he finally spoke.

“You alright?”

Her hand smoothed absentmindedly down his back, and she pulled away from the hug just enough to tilt her head up to look at him. “Better now,” she responded.

Now that I’m with my family.

She’d completed the thought exclusively in her mind, but the way he quirked a curious eyebrow and the corners of his lips turned up in amusement let her know that he’d recognized the implication. “Gettin’ domestic on me, Rollins?” He teased.

She rolled her eyes playfully, and when he leaned down to kiss her, she aptly dodged it with a laugh. “If I ever get domestic you’ll know it,” she assured him.

The truth was, she had gotten more domestically sentimental throughout the year and a half they’d been together romantically. She had, admittedly, rolled her eyes at the “marry your best friend” sentiment in the past. It seemed too cliche…childish even. Maybe that was because — before now — the vast majority of men she’d dated in the past hadn’t actually been her friends at all, she wondered.

“I thought you might be headin’ in that direction when you actually agreed to marry me,” he finally said with a chuckle.

“Well if it’s any consolation I’ve still got time to change my mind.” Her smile indicated that she was only joking without her having to say it, and this time when he leaned down to peck her lips, she graciously accepted. “Hopefully we’re both still employed by the time we actually get to the part where we tie the knot.”

For as much as she wanted to blame the detective skills of Manhattan SVU for the fact that it had been getting more and more difficult to hide the nature of their relationship from the squad — and for as much as that was partially to blame — she knew she hadn’t been doing herself any favors either. Half the time she’d go out of her way to avoid him when he’d come into the precinct, and the other half she’d be so tense that she could feel it in her shoulders.

It hadn’t exactly dawned on her until Olivia had pulled her aside one day to ask if they were okay…if they’d had some kind of falling out because — according to the Captain — they’d been standoffish around one another. She could only hope her own shock in response to the observation wasn’t evident enough to seem suspicious.

“You’re borrowin’ trouble again,” he pointed out in response to the offhanded comment.

“So I take it you’re ready to convince Hadid that marrying one of the detectives you work with somehow doesn’t present a conflict of interest?”

“I’m a lawyer, Rollins. Convincing is kinda what I do.” He paused, cupping her face gently between his hands to look her in the eyes. “Don’t worry about it, alright? We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. And either way…it’s all gonna work out.”

She knew he had absolutely no way of knowing that for sure, but something about the gentleness of his tone and the sincerity in his eyes made her want to believe it.  

“You’re right. Gettin’ fired doesn’t sound too bad,” she finally said with a teasing smile, and when he chuckled with a roll of his eyes she nudged him playfully with her elbow. “I could use a vacation.”

When the floor outside of Billie’s bedroom creaked just slightly, Amanda instinctively unwrapped her arms from around him and turned to find Jesse standing in the doorway with a piece of paper in her hands. With a proud smile, the little girl thrust the drawing out to show her mother, and Amanda regarded the crayon-drawn figure with a bright smile.

“It’s Frannie!” The little girl declared, but she seemed to easily lose her focus on the task at hand as she turned her attention to Carisi. “Can we finish the story now?”

“Yeah, of course. C’mon.”

He grunted dramatically when he picked her up, offering a playful comment about how fast she’d been growing, and Amanda couldn’t help but smile at the way her daughter glowed excitedly in response.

The three of them quickly settled back onto the couch. Jesse sat attentively in Carisi’s lap, her eyes glued to the pages of the picture book as he picked up where he had left off, and Amanda leaned against him, nestled affectionately against his side. As he read, she slowly but surely fazed out the words and allowed herself to simply drift into the comfortable familiarity of his voice.

After all of the men who had burned her in the past — those who had left her high and dry or slept around behind her back — she had almost started to believe that there was no point in trying to build a romantic relationship as it would only end in heartbreak. But as she rested her head against the shoulder of the man she was going to marry…her former partner…her best friend…she let herself embrace the fact that she hadn’t let it get that far.

She thought back to the night that he’d asked her to marry him. When Al had proposed, it was out of perceived necessity. He’d wanted to make an “honest woman” out of her. With Carisi, it was different. He didn’t have to marry her. He wanted to.

“I want us to spend the rest of our lives like this, Amanda.”

A small, subconscious smile touched her lips in response to the memory, and when her eyes shifted up to him, watching his eyes skim over the children’s book as Jesse listened and leaned against his shoulder with sleepy eyes, she knew she wanted the same.

She wanted him to be there through everything that life would come to throw at her. She wanted to grow old with him by her side.

She wanted forever with him. And the ring around her finger assured her that he was never going to let her go.

[kumkaniudaku]

BROWN SKIN GIRL: ONE

A/N: Consider this the follow up to The Love Tonight. This sounds very reminiscent to @bribrisback‘s Dance With My Father which is amazingly cute. I promise it wasn’t intentional. It’s my fault for literally take a month to finish one prompt. People tend to beat you to things. Still, I wanted to stick with this. I hope you enjoy part one. 

Little bodies danced in sync to classical music as classes at Tillman Dance Studio neared the end of the first block Saturday session. It was rare that Micah wasn't front and center in her designated age group. Also rare was both of her parents and her younger brother making an appearance to pick her up and whisk the little ball of energy to their scheduled Saturday froyo date. Yet, both of these occurrences came to a head when the Boseman family walked through the door. 

"I wish you would stop," CoCo giggled as Chadwick held the door open for his wife and son, using his free hand to graze across her backside when she passed by.

"Well, aren't you singing a different tune. What changed in an hour?" 

Tasha blushed at the reminder of their earlier activities, but just as she opened her mouth to respond, Noah's yelling caught her attention. 

"Key! Key!"

"You looking for your sister? Point to Mikey!" When the youngest Boseman extended his arm to point in his sister's direction, CoCo was genuinely surprised at what she saw. In a corner, Micah sat with her back against the wall and an odd mix of tear-stained cheeks and an angry disposition. 

"Why is she sitting over there? Who made her cry," Chadwick asked. His body language had shifted from loose, relaxed energy to imposing dominance. "I'm going inside." 

CoCo grabbed his hand to prevent forward progress, "Babe, wait."

"For what? Them to hurt her feelings again? Hell no!"

"Aaron!" 

"Nicole!"

Tasha struggled to reign in her husband's emotions as parents in the immediate area passed around judgemental stares. She offered curt a smile to ward off attention before turning back to Chadwick. 

"I know you're mad," she whisper yelled. "Hell, I'm mad too! But we don't even know what happened yet! Can we at least get the details before we start tearin' shit up?"

Chadwick looked back and forth between his wife and his daughter, who hadn't noticed her parents enter the building like she usually did. He couldn't move past the way she feverishly rubbed at her eyes to stop her tears before drawing her knees up to her chest.

"You promise to let me lead the conversation when get in there," Chadwick asked as he finally turned to face CoCo. 

"I'm in the passenger seat on this one, baby."

Every nerve in his body was set ablaze as Chadwick made the tough decision to tuck away his anger and impatiently wait in the lobby. 

The remaining 15 minutes of instruction felt like 15 hours until, finally, the studio door swung open, and little pupils in blue leotards filed out of the room. Micah trudged behind the group with her head down, following Miss Christy until she reached the threshold of the door. 

"Mr. and Mrs. Boseman, can I speak with you all inside of my office for a moment?"

"We can't talk right here," Chadwick questioned.

Parents craned their necks for information, making the instructor's cheeks turn red with embarrassment. 

"I think you'd much rather have this conversation in private. Trust me; we'll only be a few minutes."

Despite promising to take on the supporting role, Tasha stepped in to agree to Christy's terms on Chadwick's behalf. He instead turned his attention to Micah. She immediately reached out for him when their eyes met. 

"It's okay, Princess. Daddy will fix it, okay?" 

He continued to comfort his first-born during the short and mostly silent walk to the administrative area of the building. Finding safety in her father, Micah maintained a tight grip around his neck as he took a seat. 

A soft drip-drop from the coffee maker across the room provided the only sound, working to push both parents to the highest heights of frustration. 

"What happened?"

Chadwick's cold demand for answers frightened the young woman across from him, though she tried to hide her fear. Tasha's equally cold glare didn't ease any of the tension. 

Folding her hands on the table and clearing her throat, Christy began her explanation. "Today, in class, Micah had an...issue with some of the other girls that turned physical. I recommend a break from the pro-"

"So, someone hit her?"

"No, Mr. Boseman, Micah was the aggressor."

"That's not fair! They were mean!" 

Micah's outburst was uncharacteristic for a child that was almost always mannerable. Chadwick took that as a sign to press for more information. 

"Did you ask what caused the altercation? I'm sure there was a reason."

"Micah says they called her a name, but still, violence is strictly forbidden here. Instructors are available if she wants to report a problem."

"Is bullying against the rules too, or do you make them up as you go," Tasha accused before turning to Micah. "What did they say to you, Mikey?"

The little ballerina fiddled with her thumbs and dropped her head to stare at her feet dangling below her. "Emily said...she said I wasn't pretty like them because my skin is so brown and my hair is frizzy. I'm sorry I pushed her, Mommy. But Ms. Christy wasn't looking, and they weren't nice."

Fearful of whatever punishment was next, Micah continued to avoid eye contact. 

"So when my daughter, the only black child in the age group, was being tormented by a group of girls, were you simply unavailable to step-in or did you not care? I'm curious." 

"Mr. Boseman, I can assure you that we are always watching the girls, bu-"

"Oh, so you saw but didn't care until she had to defend herself. Then, the black child gets in trouble for being the aggressor."

"Are you insinuating that this matter is about race," Christy accused. 

"I'm asking questions. Were you paying attention when Micah was being picked on? Did you ask everyone what happened? Or was she punished while the others were left untouched?"

Christy opened her mouth to speak several times as she looked to CoCo to step in and stop the questioning. 

"You should answer him," she advised. 

"I-I," she stammered, tears threatening to spill. 

"The answer to all of my questions is no, but you don't need to tell me that. You don't need to tell me anything because we're pulling Micah from the program. How should I pay the remaining tuition so that we leave in good standing?"

Chadwick's declaration stunned the other adults in the room, including Tasha. 

"Mr. Boseman, I'm sure we can work something out. Maybe a short break? A meeting between all of the parents?"

"I don't want to meet about a damn thing. I've made a decision. If we need to pay by check, my wife keeps the checkbook. I have my credit card if you'd rather do it that way. But we will not continue to have our child come to a place where she isn't welcome."

There was no room for discussion despite Christy's multiple efforts. Chadwick had made his decision, and it was final. Fifteen minutes and a hefty check later, the family of four walked out of the dance studio Micah had called home for two years. 

After strapping both children into their seats and entering on their respective sides, Tasha smiled at her husband, who was still reeling from the moments prior.

"Where to next, Captain?" 

He thought for a moment, looking in the rearview to find Micah looking back at him. "You still want froyo, Princess?" Her bright smile instantly lifted the mood and alleviated the tension held hostage in his shoulders. Looking back at Tasha, he returned her smile and started the car. 

"Pinkberry it is." 

Frozen yogurt was a quick fix to the issue, but there was still a bleeding wound beneath the bandage. 

As Tasha helped Micah choose her outfits for the upcoming school week, Micah silently ambled around the room. She hadn't said much outside of alerting her parents when she was hungry or ready to play by herself. Instead of pressuring Micah to talk, she was allowed to sort through whatever was in her mind until she was prepared to share. 

"Mommy." 

"Yes, sweetheart?" 

"Am I ugly because I'm brown?" 

The hangers in Micah's closet roughly collided as CoCo lost focus and dropped the dress in her hand. Tasha whipped her head around, her eyes softening when she found her daughter sitting with her knees to her chest. 

"Of course not. You're beautiful." 

"Well, how come they said I was? I just wanted to be friends, and they were mean. What did I do?" 

CoCo could feel her heart and mind going through a range of emotions. On the one hand, she was upset to the point of rage. Someone had destroyed all of the self-esteem they had instilled from the day she was born in one day. On the other hand, she had to fight the urge to cry to stay strong for Micah. 

Placing the dress across a chair in the corner, Tasha moved to sit next to her daughter and pull her into a hug. 

"Sometimes, people are going to be mean to you because you look different than they do, and it's gonna suck. It might even make you wanna cry. But it's because they aren't taught better at home, not because you aren't pretty or smart or anything else. Do you understand?"

"No," Micah muttered before snuggling closer to her mother. "I want friends that like me, Mommy. And I wanna dance too."

"You'll have friends, baby. They'll be the bestest friends you could ever have, not those mean girls that make fun of you."

Even though she acknowledged Tasha's statement with a head nod, Micah was still hurting. And her hurting was automatically transferred and magnified in her mother. She and Chadwick always knew that their kids would face these issues in their environment. But this situation felt like a punch to the ribs. 

When Tasha finally trudged back into the master bedroom, she found her husband silently pacing around the room while scrolling through webpages on his iPad. 

"How'd it go," Chadwick asked without looking away from his device. 

Taking a seat on the chaise near their bed, CoCo kicked off her house slippers and sighed. "She thinks she's ugly because she's brown and I did a shitty job of explaining that people are terrible. So, that's how it went." 

"You told her she's beautiful, though, right? She knows that it's because she looks different than the people in her class." 

"Baby, a six-year-old just wants friends that aren't mean. And, if we're completely honest right now, telling her that only non-black people will dislike her for her skin is a lie. Some of us are going to give her the same shit." The weight of knowing they were only at the tip of the racism and colorism iceberg made Tasha's stomach turn with an uneasy feeling. 

Sighing, Chadwick took in CoCo's words as he placed his tablet on the bed and motioned for her to slide over in the chair. 

"Raising kids is tough work," he spoke, the words coming out in a rush of air. 

"Hell yeah, it is. I feel...powerless." 

"We are doing the best we can given the circumstances. Especially you," Chadwick encouraged while pulling CoCo closer to his side. "What we can do is continue affirming Micah in every way and putting her in spaces where she doesn't have to feel so different." 

"So, we're moving to Wakanda?" 

"Absolutely. Let's pack our shit." The pair shared light laughter despite the issue at hand. When the moment passed, silence began to sit over the room as they both settled into their thoughts to come up with a good solution. "Can I show you something?" 

Tasha nodded while her eyes curiously followed her husband's movements to the bed and back with his tablet. 

"I know you usually take the lead on this stuff, but I would love to see Mikey do something like this. The program director is nice, their reputation is stellar, and the students that give it their all tend to succeed." 

Colors from the various pictures and videos that filled the screen danced across CoCo's face as she examined the website. Chadwick apprehensively watched her face while she browsed to gauge his wife's reaction. He couldn't decide if his efforts were appreciated until Tasha's poker face warmed into a bright smile. 

"This is amazing, baby! How soon can we sign her up?" 

"Surprise, she's already signed up. Her first day is next weekend." 

Tasha's grin continued to spread across her face as Chadwick smiled back at her like a child and made jazz hands for dramatic effect, "I should've known Dad would come to the rescue." 

"We're a team, baby," he correct, kissing her forehead. "But you're gonna need to step back when we go teach baby girl these dance moves. I can't have you confusing my baby with your two left feet." 

Chadwick skillfully dodged a pillow flying through the air as retaliation for his dig at CoCo's dancing skills before sliding out of the room to give Micah some much-needed attention. 

---------

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[p4nkow]

Happier - part II

Here we go with part 2! I’d love to read what you think of it so far so please let me know! and ofc it can be read also as Ben!Roger — also, what do you think of Nicole and Noah?? (wink wink)

You can find the first part here

Summary: you work as an assistant at EMI and you meet Roger while organising Queen’s gig at Hyde Park. lots of fluff but then, after months of relationship, Roger admits something that breaks your heart and the two of you break up. You try to move on and so does he, but after two months of being apart you meet at a pub and you both have a date. What will happen? But most importantly, will you and Roger fall in love again after being forced to see each other everyday?

Warnings: none so far, wow i’m really getting better 

You had to take a few deep breaths in order to come out of shock.  

Roger seemed different but at the same time he was the same man you’d fallen in love with. Your gaze fell on his hand, placed on the hip of the blonde in a protective way. You felt like a knot in your throat and you forced yourself to look away, your heart aching at that sight.

He used to hold you that way once.

You tightened the grip on Noah’s arm, feeling uncertain on your legs. Roger’s gaze was already on you and God knows how long he had been staring.

“That’s exactly what I wanted to talk you about” Noah murmured in a happy tone, not noticing your switch of mood.

You slowly moved your gaze back to him, faking a smile. “You wanted to talk about Roger Taylor?” Your voice cracked at the middle of the sentence but you faked a cough.

“Well, not about him in particular. I’ve heard— Hey mate!” Noah greeted him as soon as he reached you. He spatted him and Roger gave him a nod, his smile as fake as yours.

He was now right in front of you and you desperately tried not to look at him as Noah asked him “You know Y/N, right?”

You finally raised your gaze and met his. You had missed those big, blue eyes but you just couldn’t forget how much he had hurt you.

Didn’t Noah know about your relationship? It was possible— the two of you had always been very careful and you cared about your privacy so you avoided paparazzi as much as you could.

You noticed Roger’s Adam’s apple going up and down as he stared back at you and suddenly the blonde girl next to him coughed to catch his attention. He raised his brows as he looked first at her and then at Noah.

“Yeah, yeah I know her” He murmured and gave him a little nod, tightening the grip on his date’s hips.

You desperately tried to look away but you didn’t succeed.

Noah seemed to notice how uncomfortable you were and he surrounded your shoulders with his arm, leaning you close to him. Roger’s jaw clenched a little.

“She’s Nicole” He said, nodding towards the blonde next to him. She leaned a hand towards you and you hesitated before shaking it.

“Y/N” you murmured and she gave you a little smile. She was so beautiful and it wasn’t hard for you to believe that Roger had fallen for her.

“And I’m Noah” the latter said while shaking her hand. “Well, now that everyone knows everyone, let’s switch to important part! I was about to give her the good news” He told Roger referring to you, so he turned towards you with the biggest smile. “I’ve heard you complaining about always being away from home— y’know, having to organise gigs and that stuff, so I’ve talked with John Reid and we’ve both agreed on giving you a promotion.”

You didn’t like how things were turning, at all. You narrowed your eyes, confused by the look you saw in Roger’s face. He seemed— uncomfortable, maybe?

“A promotion?” You asked in a weak voice.

“Yeah, a promotion. We’ve come to an agreement and starting next week you’re gonna be Queen’s assistant. That’ll allow you to be at home more often.”

Oh man, and you thought you had already reached your low point.

It felt like a punch in your stomach. You wanted to say something, anything, but you felt like you weren’t able to speak. You could feel Roger’s gaze on you and it hurt even more.

“I don’t— can we talk about it privately?” You asked Noah in a whisper and he was sincerely confused by your reaction.

He slowly nodded, looking at Roger with a polite smile. “We’re gonna take our seat now. I guess I’ll see you around?”

Even though Noah was talking to Roger, the gaze of the latter was fixed on you. You felt like you couldn’t breathe and that’s probably why Nicole asked you in a worried tone “Are you okay?”

You forced yourself to smile at her. “Yeah, I’m fine. Shall we?” You asked Noah and he nodded, so you both turned your backs to them.

“It was nice meeting you” Nicole said and you nodded at her.

Before you could walk away you heard Roger calling you. “Y/N?”

You froze and slowly turned towards him, murmuring “I’ll see you around, Roger.”

It seemed like he wanted to say something else but he didn’t. Instead he grabbed Nicole’s hand and they headed to their table without looking at you.

Once you’d taken your seat in front of Noah you were happy to notice that you couldn’t see Roger from were you were sitting so you sighed in relief.

Noah leaned close to you, his brows narrowed as they’d never been. “Is there something wrong? You didn’t seem too excited about the promotion.”

“I didn’t ask for it” You immediately replied but you noticed your words might have seemed a little too harsh, so you hurried to add “I mean, thank you. Like, seriously. But it wasn’t that big deal for me to travel. I kinda liked it.”

You didn’t want Noah to feel bad for it so you added a smile but he knew just as much as you that it was fake. “Has Roger something to do with it?”

Without even noticing your gaze moved to the direction of his table, but all you could spot was part of Nicole’s blonde hair. You sighed and you looked back at Noah, thinking about your options. Was telling him the truth a good idea? Probably not.

That’s exactly why you said “What? No, I barely know him.” You hated telling lies, but that was a white one— you thought.

“And what is it then? Think about it, you’ll be home more often. Didn’t you tell me you hated travelling?”

You cleared your throat and raised your gaze in order to meet his. His hazel eyes were already on you. The hope on his face pushed you to pretend to be excited about that chance, so you quickly nodded and said “Yeah, I did. Thank you, and say thanks to John, too.”

“Sure. Let’s order something now. D’ya like fish?”

-

That night seemed to never end. Noah was a nice guy, handsome too, and you really enjoyed his company, but you didn’t feel free to enjoy the date and to be yourself when Roger was a couple of tables away from yours and with a date, too.

You felt... overwhelmed. That’s why at some point of the night you excused yourself with Noah and you headed to the ladies room.

You closed the door behind your back and sighed deeply. You could breathe now. You leaned against the washbasin and looked at your reflection in the mirror. Your features were tense and you hated the fact that Roger had still all that power over you.

You should be moving on, letting yourself go with Noah and genuinely have fun, but there you were— trying to control the speed of your breath while leaning against a basin.

You groaned and you let the water run for a few seconds before trying to adjust your make-up. You were about to go back to Noah when you heard the door opening. Through the mirror you spotted Nicole entering the ladies room. She gave you a smile and closed the door behind her. She reached the washbasin next to yours and slipped her hands through her hair, trying to fix it. There was no need— she didn’t have a hair out of place.

“How’s your date going?” She asked, looking at you through the mirror.

You smiled while washing your hands, looking at her just for few seconds. Why would she care? “Pretty good. And yours?”

You didn’t wanna know the answer.

“Pretty good, too. It ain’t the first one so I’m not impressed” She said in an amused tone and you felt a knot in your throat. You were sure it wasn’t their first date so you weren’t impressed either. You didn’t reply so you both stood quiet for a few seconds. “Is it your first one with... Noah, right?”

“Yeah, but I already knew him from work.”

“And you already knew Roger too, right?” You were starting to feel uncomfortable so you hurried to finish.

“Yeah, yeah I did” You murmured and you cleared your throat.

“How did the two of you meet?”

You thought about what answer to give and you decided to be vague about it. “I know him from work, too.”

It wasn’t a lie but it wasn’t exactly the truth either. She seemed satisfied with your answer and nodded at you, fixing her lipstick.

“I guess I’ll see you” You told her as you hurried to walk out and she waved at you while focused on adjusting her makeup.

As you walked back to Noah you forced yourself not to look towards Roger and you smiled in victory when you made it to your table without looking at him.

“Have you already ordered the dessert?” You asked Noah and he looked at you with the biggest smile.

“I was waiting for you.”

-

And at the end of the night you had to wait for him, too. You were wearing your coat while waiting for him right in front of the pub and shivers ran down your spine because of the low temperature.

“What are you doing here alone?” You quickly turned towards Roger, who was smoking leaning against the wall.

“Don’t you do that ever again, you nearly killed me” You replied while placing a hand on your chest. Your heartbeat was fast, but you weren’t sure it was because of the scare.

“You didn’t answer me.” He took a deep draw on the cigarette and took a step towards you, stopping right below the light of the lamppost.

“‘m waiting for Noah, he went to get the car.” You turned your back to him and he kept moving forward until he was right next to you.

“What are youdoing here alone?”

“‘m waiting for Nicole. She’s in the bathroom.”

“Again?”

He turned towards you with a confused look. “Huh?”

“Nothing” You murmured while moving your gaze on the street.

“I need to talk to you privately” He said as to mock you, repeating the words you had said to Noah.

“About what?”

“Us” He quickly replied and you took a step back. You couldn’t help but notice that he looked hot in his white shirt and black blazer.

“I have to go, Noah’s coming.” You were about to walk past him but when he took a step towards you, you recoiled.

His blue eyes were staring at you with disappointment. “He can wait. Just gimme a few seconds, ‘right love?”

“Don’t call me that” You immediately replied and he sighed.

“You look amazing, by the way.” You raised your gaze at his words, shaking your head in disbelief. You loved when he used to compliment you but now it did nothing but remind you that he had dumped you. Maybe he did it for Nicole, maybe for someone else, but he did it and you couldn’t pretend it didn’t happen.

“Roger, I don’t have much time.”

“I tried to tell Reid that it wasn’t a good idea” He said as to explain himself. “But he was so happy with you that he wanted to do something good for you.”

“Yeah, working as your assistant is the best reward ever.”

Roger seemed hurt by your words and he tried to caress your wrist but you quickly moved it away.

“Don’t” You softly said and Roger seemed hurt— you had never refused his touch before.

“Y/N, the boys miss having you around. We can work this out.”

“Yeah?” You asked and you couldn’t believe his words. “And how, huh?”

“Maybe we could be friends, or something? Since the moment we’re forced to see each other everyday.”

“Are you being serious, Roger?” You parted your lips in disbelief, taking a step back.

“Y-yeah, maybe it could work.”

“Yeah, right” You murmured in a low voice, looking away from him.

“Listen, it’s not that easy for me either.”

“Yeah, I can only imagine how you’re feeling” You said as to mock him and Roger sighed.

“Y/N” He said as a warning and you quickly looked at him.

“What?” You spat but this time you didn’t recoil when he took a step towards you.

“‘m sorry.”

You slowly nodded at his words, feeling your eyes become glossy. You forced yourself not to cry and you cleared your throat. You gave a look behind your shoulder as you heard a car approaching you and you smiled by seeing it was Noah.

“I gotta go.”

“Are you and Noah a... thing?”

He was standing with his hands on his hips, his blonde hair as messy as you remembered. You walked towards the car as Noah stopped in front of you. You opened the door and slowly turned towards him, saying by articulating every word “That’s not your bloody business, Taylor. See you on Monday.”

You couldn’t read the look on his face as he softly replied “Yeah, see ya.”

Taglist: @but-legendsneverdie @ohtheseboysilove @xgypsy-witchy-vibes @queen-turtle-boiii @scarsout @hystericaldancingqueen @mercurycrowley

If you wanna be added in the taglist just tell me!

[rebellect-writes]

[SIZE=1][b]Name:[/b] Jess. [b]Age:[/b] 21. [b]How did you find us?:[/b] Well, you see. You found me!

[align=center] [color=WHITE]Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing, Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before. -- [b]Edgar Allan Poe[/b] "The Raven"[/SIZE][/color] [IMG]http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lilkhvalW01qzozmk.gif[/IMG] [color=WHITE]Tell me would you kill to save for a life? Tell me would you kill to prove you're right? Crash, crash, burn let it all burn. This hurricane chasing us all underground.[/color] [/align]

[b]Name:[/b] Fallon. [b]Nicknames & Aliases:[/b] [LIST]Fall; He’ll acknowledge you if you’re not being funny. Autumn; He may change his hair colour a lot but that will get you smacked. Sadistic; Why thank you! Lust; No, he’s not a chick even if he wears guy-liner. [/LIST][b]True Age:[/b] 3004 [b]What He Says:[/b] 1018 [b]Date of Birth:[/b] December 26th [b]Age at Death:[/b] 30 [b]Gender:[/b] Male. [b]Sexual Orientation:[/b] Bisexual, though guys are more his thing. [b]Occupation:[/b] Owns his own theatre plus company, sometimes steps in at Club Hell to help Noah.

[b]Bloodline:[/b] Belle Morte. [b]Power Level:[/b] Master. [b]Mind-Set:[/b] Dominant unless submissive suits the situation. [b]Animal to Call:[/b] Wolves. [b]Powers:[/b] [b]Standard Vampire powers:[/b] Like all vampires, Fallon’s got heightened physical strength and he has steel like grip. He could send a human flying with a slightest touch and like the newly dead, he’s capable of lifting a small car with ease. He’s also very fast, more than capable from switching from a death like stillness to a speed that’s perceived faster than the human eye can follow since he can cloud people’s minds. It’s like as if he vanishes at will! His senses are pretty spot on, Fallon can smell a human’s emotional state, and to some degree, he can taste weaker shifters or vampires and his hearing? Well, he can hear a whispered comment from the other side of the house. With his age, Fallon can disguise himself and appear mortal, but unlike a human, he can switch from being a completely animated being to something that is still, expressionless and silent. The last thing of note is that he’s extremely difficult to harm like most of the older vampires and wounds made from heavy objects, and even bullets, heal with moments even though it hurts like hell he doesn’t let it show.

[b]Feeding Via Mind:[/b] Now, this is a tricky thing for him to do since the human mind is complex. He has to touch people to do this, skin to skin, for it to work and he can only enter a person’s mind to feed from their more promiscuous thoughts and deepest fantasies. He can’t sustain himself on this for long, maybe a day or two extra, but he can use it to hold back the ardeur and the blood hunger. To avoid doing this often, Fallon takes precautions and wears a pair of leather gloves.

[b]Empathic Voice Manipulation:[/b] Fallon can use his voice to bring out the better aspects in peoples moods. He thinks of it more as a mental power than something actually physical because he doesn’t have to touch someone when he uses it, however it still gives off a physical sensation at times to the people he uses it on. In his mind, it’s supposedly like rolling a victim. They want to stay and listen to him, even if they wouldn’t normally do it or despise him. He's only ever really used this power on his wolf, Jesse.

[b]The Ardeur:[/b] Fallon is an incubus, and one of Bella Morte’s special little boys and girls. The most basic way to describe it is that anyone under its thrall is gripped by the intense desire to have sexual intercourse with the user or the closest person to them despite their general preferences. This power’s truly frightening because the Ardeur drains the energy from those it feeds on and can potentially drain a person to the point of death, so incubi and succubi have more than one general lover if they want to feed correctly.

[b]Animal/Human Servant Creation:[/b] In theory, Fallon could take a human on as a servant as well, outside of his animal servant Jesse Harley. Basically, this power allows Fallon to magically bind someone to him, making said servants greater resistance to injury and mental powers and almost complete immunity to his own power (first mark). It also allows him to draw power from his servant and experience what they eat and drink, and even enter their dreams (second mark). He has to take some of the servants blood, but by doing so, it conveys increased healing powers, immunity to poisons and allows him and his servant to communicate mentally (third mark). After that, it’s just a matter of getting his servant to drink his blood and he can make them immortal like him, it also gives them a bond of almost complete mental communication and allows the servant to draw on Fallon’s strength (fourth mark). However, should his servant die, Fallon’s would be metaphysically crippled and most likely go insane since he’s old enough to survive the death. [b]Rank:[/b] Témoin

[b]Face Claim:[/b] Jared Leto. [b]Description:[/b] [IMG]http://images.sugarscape.com/userfiles/image/july/0707jared2.jpg[/IMG] [i]Height:[/i] 5’10. [i]Weight:[/i] 166lbs. [i]Eyes:[/i] Blue. A very distracting blue. [i]Hair:[/i] Naturally, brown and stays brown. Unless he dyes it a different colour for fun! (and 6 months out of 12, it’s one colour or another.) [i]Build:[/i] Very lean, almost to the point he looks underweight but that’s a lie. [i]Visible marks:[/i] He has two tattoos, one on the inside of his wrist in Latin with a quote he forgot years ago, and the other ( a small triad ) on his collar bone. [i]Style:[/i] Normally loose clothes, grungy punk like clothes. Beaded bracelets, necklaces and so on. He can wear suits, if he does though that’s another story since they make him feel confined. He’ll wear them though, if the occasion calls for it and keep the complaining to a minimum.

[b]Special Skills:[/b] [LIST] [*] Can speak French, Romanian, Spanish and Italian. Oh! And sarcasm. [*] He can appear human, unlike newer vampires. [*] Since he’s second in command of Jackford, he does actually have a network of spies and snitches at his finger tips that he uses when he has to. He’s built this up over the years, so in a way it’s a special skill, because he uses it to keep Noah updated and the Kiss one step ahead of things most of the time. [*] It isn't really a special skill, but he prides himself on not being power hungry. [/LIST][b]Personality:[/b][LIST]Fallon is just a giant ball of multicolours. No, seriously, his hair isn’t the only thing that changes. Normally, he’s an ok kind of guy that doesn’t go out of his way to annoy people too much. He likes to help people out and offer them a shoulder to cry on or wall to bounce ideas off. He’ll give advice where it’s due, even if he’s stepping on toes or going to piss someone off, if he feels the need to say it then he will. He’ll always try and apologize afterwards, but he’s Old World, so sometimes things don’t click right despite being fairly modern. What most people don’t notice, and sometimes Fallon doesn’t either, is that he gets bored easily and he acts out, heck the only people that probably would notice one of his acting out fazes are his brother, cousin or Jesse because he goes beyond the typical theatrical, creative and eccentric, he strays into maliciousness. He’s a bit of a charmer when he’s not being a whacky nut case that should be locked away for societies own wellbeing. Fallon’s loyal and backs up any threats and promises, if he says that he’ll do something then he will do it, even if it makes him squirm and whinge like a kicked puppy.

With his vast age, Fallon’s adopted a slightly twisted perspective on vampires and other supernatural. He comes from a time when they were monsters and did drop bodies where they could be found by others then slaughter others. He’s also well versed in the way many Kisses are run. Masters of the City are treated with the utmost respect, and he would give his life if it was what his “master” would want. Masters within the Kiss don’t get instant respect either; if they’re not strong enough then they have to earn it. In a dog eat dog world, its sink or swim baby. Lower Kiss and fledglings jump when he tells them too…Or at least that used to be the way. Fallon treats the Kiss like extended family, they have their ups and their downs but at the end of the day they’re not that dysfunctional. That doesn’t mean he’ll put up with blatant endangerment of his family. If it’s for the better good of all, he will stop people by any means appropriate and has at times locked vampires away in coffins and forgotten about them, or simply ripped their hearts out. He hasn’t held the position of second in command by only being a funny bastard; he has his ruthless streak well hidden as it may be.

While he’s been in Jackford, he’s made it his job to be friends with all the local werewolves where he can and provide them with an alley should they need it. He’s only ever once called the wolves of Jackford without their permission and he won’t do it again. Those he call come to him willingly or not at all. It’s the same with any partners he has as force is very distasteful. No one in this life time has seen Fallon at his worst. Sure, he has his moments where he withdraws from the world and appears bored with what’s going on around him and with what’s going on in his life, but I’m not talking about a depressive vampire. The anger in him is deep, and it’s destructive and in some ways protective because he does rant and he does rave and he does lash out normally in his head these days and prays that he never needs to get violent properly. [/LIST][b]Likes:[/b] [LIST] [*] Playing video games with Jesse. [*] When there’s no trouble for the Kiss. Running around like chickens is annoying. [*] Riding his bike through the city. Screw your cars! [*] Shopping in person, though he’ll never own up to it when he does it online. [*] When it snows. [*] Swimming. [*] Protecting the Kiss. He wouldn’t be second in command of the city if he didn’t. [*] Tormenting Jesse on their [i]movie nights[/i]. [*] Writing poems, short stories, you name it. [*] Playing the guitar, that’s something only Jesse and Noah know about. [/LIST][b]Dislikes:[/b] [LIST] [*] Religious talk. Followed by the words "vampires have no souls." [*] Getting blood on his favourite clothes. It’s hell to get it out.   [*] When Jesse gets into trouble and doesn’t tell him straight away. [*] Fighting with Noah. [*] Jesse disobeying him in some form or another. [*] Silence. He has to have a little noise around him otherwise his mind wanders. [*] People underestimating the Kiss. [*] People that try and hurt his wolf. [*] Getting blood on his clothes. [*] Having to make an example of someone. [/LIST][b]Strengths:[/b][LIST] [*] Goes to great lengths to make friends with the wolves before calling any. [*] Jesse makes him look at the world a whole new way again. [*] Is brutally honest when he needs to be. Suck it up, princess! [*] He’s pretty intelligent, even if he does look like a typical punk.   [*] His brother. Enough said on that matter. [*] Can and will walk into a church, much to the surprise of many. What? He’s fine as long as there’s no flaming crosses or bible toting idiots. [*] Patience of a saint, it must be said. When things look rough, he’ll look for other options. [/LIST][b]Weaknesses:[/b][LIST] [*] Having to be invited into a home. [*] Holy symbols. [*] Jesse Harley. Hurt the pet and you hurt the Master. [*] His older brother Noah. [*] He has to feed the Ardeur or risk it getting out of control and no one wants that. [*] Has a habit of running his mouth off at times. [*] Likes blood a little too much. [/LIST][b]Fears:[/b][LIST] [*] Small spaces. He can deal for a little while but not long time frames. He feared them as a human and it has carried over as a vampire. [*] Seeing Jesse hurt and being unable to help him, he wouldn’t know what to do if he didn’t have his wolf around. [*] Noah's temper or Jaspers. He fears that in a big way like any baby brother/cousin would. [*] Being starved from touch again. [/LIST][b]History:[/b][LIST]Seven years after the birth of Noah, during a particularly rough winter, Fallon was brought into the world kicking like any normal babe to be welcomed by his older brother Noah and his father as his mother lay exhausted. His mother knew something was different about her second son; womanly intuition of course, brought on by the fact Fallon was quiet as a babe. Her first son and her husband didn’t seem to notice it, so she didn’t mention it to anyone. From the moment that Fallon could walk on his own two feet, his brother was teaching him all kinds of things as well as his parents. They were growing old; they wanted both of their boys to survive in the harsh life that had been given to them and in less than six years Fallon and Noah were left orphans as their parents passed on. Noah tried at first to make things work, he took up the responsibilities afforded to a man and Fallon tried his hardest too help, even at such a young age. Eventually the local story teller Alaric’s wife came and helped, and then the rest of the settlement rather than see the boys waste away since they had no other blood kin close to hand.

When he was ten, Fallon was left in the care of the story teller and his wife as Noah went off to fight for the clan and settlement with other young men. As much as he hated it, he couldn’t blame Noah much but he did feel abandoned. For most of his life Noah was the only constant in his life, and to be left with strangers that some in the settlement considered mad was a little…scary. After the first few weeks though, he was fine and Noah was the last thing on his mind. Up at dawn he would go hunting with the story teller while his wife kept the house and small farm that they had and they’d go into the woods to hunt birds and the like and every day Fallon was told a different story about Gods and Goddesses, demons and all kinds of great and wonderful things. He was also taught how to shoot a bow and arrow over the nine years he spent with them, he was also taught to hunt and forage in the woods and the land around them, and every night when he lay down to sleep he no longer thought about Noah like he had when he had when he’d been younger.

Nine years later and Noah stumbled back into the settlement. Fallon wasn’t the first to great him as he’d been out fishing at the time, but when he found out that his brother was back, he raced back. Only, things weren’t as they were. Before he embraced his brother, Fallon hesitated for a moment and he knew that Noah noticed it because his brother had to clear his throat to get Fallon to even move forward that last few steps. There was just something different about Noah that he didn’t like and yet he couldn’t explain it. So instead he pushed it aside and embraced his brother and tried to summon up the elation that he just couldn’t feel. Yes, he was happy that Noah had returned alive and whole, but it was the joy of having a warrior return from battle and not that of a baby brother. Maybe it was because Noah didn’t seem that enthused to see him or it was the fact that the entire settlement had hounded him. So, after a quick hug and a ‘I’ll see you later’, Fallon slunk off with his tail between his legs in no mood for the celebration.

Over the following years, the brothers tried to reconnect, they really did. Fallon showed him everything that he had learnt but Noah seemed to always find something to pick and poke at while fending off the women folk that wanted to hear tales of the war and offers from wealthier travellers that wanted a mercenary. Every time Noah poked, Fallon snapped, every time he prodded, Fallon hissed until eventually he just took off and left Noah to the mercy of the villagers.  Alaric’s wife, Ava, tried to get the brothers to bond but to no good, and they got in to enough fights both verbal and physical that on occasions Fallon was left with a bloodied lip or black eye and Noah was left with another dent in his conscious. Fallon may’ve been good with a hunting knife or a bow, but his brother was deadly with or without weapons so Fallon never fought back. So in the end both brothers were left sitting on opposite sides of a chasm that only seemed to get wider and wider and ultimately led to Fallon’s mounting frustration and anger, even Old Alaric called him up on that a time or two when it cost them a night’s dinner.

Old Alaric died two years later, just after Fallon’s twenty sixth birthdays. Ava had passed the previous autumn before and it was the only reason that had Fallon alone on the coast watching a pyre burn rather than finding out about the war in the south. It was then he decided that he really wanted to make things up with Noah. He returned to the settlement too late, apparently his brother and the other warriors had gone that morning. Rather that race after them like an idiot, Fallon retreated to the old shack that had been his home for years with Alaric and Ava and broke down. He screamed and he raged and he prayed that his brother would return again, just one last time, but he never did. It was only then he realized how stupid he’d been for letting the gap between him and Noah stay so wide.

Noah never returned.

It was six months before he really gathered himself together to carry on with things. He became the story teller for the village like Alaric had been before him. He told the children stories that defied all possible imagination while the adults got on with things. After about a year and a half though, things got a little hectic. A very bad harvest had left the settlement running low on food and to make matters worse they’d gotten word of a small wolf pack that had been scavenging to close for anyone’s comfort. When the first body turned up and it was decided by the head of the settlement that they needed to do something about the wolves, when Fallon saw no one volunteering, he offered to go out and hunt the pack down. He was given a horse, supplies enough for a week if he stretched them, and sent on his way. Of course he wasn’t stupid and he didn’t really trust the villagers much, more so the so called leader that should’ve gone off with his damned warriors to war. He stopped by his home to retrieve what he would need, his bow was better than any dagger.

Setting out properly this time, he tracked the animals for a week before setting up a trap far enough away from the village that no one would be bothered by it. Rather than taking the wolves on all at one time he settled into picking them off, one or two over the space of a few days, then another few weeks would pass before he would take more out disrupting their routine and scaring them away from villages they even looked towards for their next meal. Eventually however, he got them  all and returned home with the wolf pelts almost a full year later. It was a bit of a shock to find that the settlement had changed so much, so many of the elders had passed on and the leadership had shifted to a new generation. One that Fallon knew all too well. Abner, son of Esca; One of the other boys that had missed out on the last war had taken over the headship to allow his father some peace through his final days. Fallon wasn’t allowed to approach the old leader directly and when he brought his ‘case’ to Abner, the other male dismissed him. Called him mad, said he’d made a pact with the devil because no one would’ve been able to kill a pack of wolves alone. Rather than accept or deny, Fallon dumped the wolf pelts at the man’s feet before walking away as Abner made it a law before everyone that he should be shunned. Any help of any kind would be met with a punishment and so on and so forth, Fallon didn’t catch the end of it. He did work out what was happening though about fortnight later when no one would look at him, trade, and talk or even walk by him without warding themselves.

It hurt Fallon to his core because of what he and his family had done for the village, but he was determined to weather the bad patch. Only it was a bit longer than any patch, for six full years passed and he was alone through it all. Starved of touch and conversation, Fallon withdrew into a hermit like lifestyle living in the village so to speak but not a part of it. Then the strangest thing happened, after returning from a fishing trip on the coast, Fallon almost walked smack bang into his brother. His dead ice cold to the touch brother. Naturally he gaped like a caught fish before bolting for his home leaving Noah standing there like a statue. He must have been mad! For the next two nights he was scared to close his eyes and stayed locked away in his home and then on the third night Noah banged on his door asking to come in. Rather than have an argument with his dead brother, Fallon invited him in…and fainted.

The following night Noah walked right in and Fallon didn’t even flinch but kicked out a seat from his table and going back to his stew. Since he believed he was mad at the time, Fallon happily listened to what Noah had to tell him for the next few weeks. Fairies were real? Could’ve fooled him! People changed into animals? Get out of here! Noah had been turned into the undead on the battlefield by the Lord Fallon had seen with him weeks previous….No, seriously, get out demon. Fallon snapped and the brotherly fight lasted for weeks before either one of them were calm again to sit in the same room without threats of impalement of some kind, and not once did Fallon tell his brother what had happened in the village to cause him to live like a hermit. He didn’t mark the year passing, but he did try his damnedest to try and fix things with Noah despite his frustration and then one night – exactly a year to the day – he met Master Mikhail. Noah was powerless to do anything as the old Master vampire deep rolled Fallon and tore into his throat.

Sometime later, Fallon woke up starving with fangs in his mouth. Naturally he panicked because he was no longer in his home and he was out of his element. Noah caught him before he could bolt anywhere and tried to explain things before Mikhail came to them. Apparently Mik had grown impatient and turned Fallon and now Fallon would live forever if he fed on the life blood of the living. Gods be damned! If Noah hadn’t already been dead, Fallon would have throttled him or Mikhail. Since he didn’t trust Mikhail as far as he could throw him, Fallon stuck to his brother’s side as the Master told him what was going to happen next and if he didn’t stop hissing and spitting like an annoyed kitten then he could easily die the true death. Rather than argue, Fallon accepted his fate and in a roundabout way, thought of it as a way to see if the old stories Alaric had told him were true. It didn’t stop him from cringing and whimpering when Noah and Mikhail showed him how to feed, and yet again another argument erupted between the brothers that left Mikhail ordering Noah away for the evening while Fallon stayed with Mikhail. He probably would have been scared by his brothers parting words “No, Master Mikhail. You won’t use him.” But he wasn’t. He found it exciting, almost as exhilarating as the rush of blood he’d taken from the girl they’d gotten him. Truth be told, he’d never liked any of the girls in their village because they were stuck up.

He should’ve been humiliated by the actions he took with his master but he wasn’t at all. In fact it was the first he’d really felt in years after having been starved of touch. It also explained why when Noah and Jasper had pushed girls towards him growing up, Fallon had sent them away. He wasn’t a virgin by any means, but it wasn’t something that he’d broadcasted in life. For once in a long time he was happy and content, and in a way it opened himself up to all kinds of guilty pleasures. While he learned to control his new instincts, Mikhail would use him when Noah misbehaved, and when Fallon misbehaved, he would use Noah. Both fledglings learned fast that their ‘father’ wouldn’t be swayed by a honeyed tongue and sweet actions eithers.

Centuries came and went and they travelled all over the world, and then one day Noah reached his Masterhood and the attention shifted from the two of them to Noah. Fallon was jealous and he hid it be slinking off more and more on his own and risked his neck more times than he could count. His brother was only six hundred and forty seven years old! Why couldn’t he have new powers as well? Oh yeah, he sulked. Mikhail snapped one evening and threw him in a coffin while Noah was away for an evening. The sulking turned to panic and out right fear. Being trapped in a box reduced him to nothing within hours and when Noah tore through it, Fallon clung to his brother and cried his eyes out for all he was worth. Fallon didn’t blame Mikhail at the end of the day, he hadn’t told anyone about his claustrophobia ever thinking it humiliating enough, but it was a good century before he felt truly comfortable about his maker again.

More time passed and as Fallon approached his seven hundredth and eleventh year as a vampire, something happened that changed him. Something clicked inside his head, he could feel werewolves and without knowing what he was doing he called the local pack to him. However that wasn’t the only thing that clicked in him, the Ardeur. Unbeknown to him, Noah and Mikhail had gotten into a little trouble with the church and Mikhail was using Fallon as a proxy to feed from. The pack wolves that came were sent into a lust induced frenzy and Fallon was in the centre of it and enjoying every moment. It wasn’t until a few evening safter that he found out one of the wolves that had come had been barely fifteen years old, shocked by that revolution, he waited patiently for his maker and brother to return, still riding the high from the new powers and feeding. Mikhail and Noah were just as surprised as he was when they came back. It was nice…

And then six hundred years later the nice changed. Fallon had grown bored living in his brother’s shadow as well as Mikhail’s and asked if he could leave, after asking his brother of course. Mikhail granted his wish and the brothers said good bye but promised to stay in touch. One thousand and three hundred years old and it was safe to say he’d learnt a lot in his time. He’d gotten a hold of his master powers, fed his incubus side on a regular basis so there’d never be a mistake again with the teenage wolf from when they first showed. He eventually settled in Coventry at age two thousand one hundred, but he hid his powers from the Mistress that accepted him into her Kiss. Morgana was an interesting woman, he’d been drawn to her beauty and she’d been drawn to his bloodline powers. He was her personal toy for the next five hundred years, he jumped when she said so, he started to plot her downfall when she personally tore into a werewolf and rather than letting the poor shapeshifter die, Morgana infected it with her corrupting bite. He was forced to watch as the young boy – barely eighteen – rotted to death in slow agony on the floor because she’d been insulted by the shirt he’d worn. When she’d been lulled into a false sense of security and had had enough of Fallon, she traded him away for something new. Little did she know that he’d given the Temion of her kiss the keys to take her down and the last thing he heard from Morgana or anyone within the Coventry Kiss was that the manor house had gone up in flames.

Oh well. Jackford was interesting enough, even though he’d been ‘gifted’ to the Master of the City at the time to do with as he pleased. Luckily, Fallon won him over and fought his way to the top by wit, skill and sheer power once he was settled in. The Kiss from what he could tell was really new and finding its feet, so he used it to his advantage to get a hold on the city over the next five hundred years. The only interesting thing that tickled his fancy was meeting a werewolf in 2007 on the outskirts of the city. Fallon had been dealing with a rogue alpha that had been the companion of a vampire that had insulted a previous Master of the City and out of a misguided sense of comradeship, Jesse attacked him after Fallon had killed the other werewolf and Fallon had no option but to defend himself from the spirited pup’s mauling while nursing wounds from the other wolf. Jesse staggered off and Fallon traced him back to the Pack house, rather than leaving the wolf to stay unconscious on the kitchen floor Fallon took him back to his home outside of the Kiss manor and patched him up as much as best as he could. When Jesse woke up, he came back singing and Fallon unknowingly gave him the first mark as an animal servant as he taunted and teased the irritable wolf before explaining what had happened. Simple enough right? Right.

Jesse decided to stay with him as his willing blood donor the following year and Fallon was ecstatic. Then he got a call from someone he hadn’t heard of in a long time in early 2010. Mikhail wanted him to return to deal with some delicate werewolf issues for him. He was surprised because he’d thought that Mikhail would’ve known other wolf callers but apparently not anyone as experienced as he was. Shrugging off his curiosity, he bade Jesse fair well and slipped across the pond to New York. Trouble was an understatement, there were four packs fighting for one territory! Fallon was in New York for just under a year and counted down the days until he could get home, he even had a chance to drop by New Jersey and visit Noah for a few nights before him came home to find Jesse picking a fight in one of the local clubs. Then when the last Master of the City left Jackford, Fallon did the only thing he could as he was still wheeling from the trip and familiar faces, he called his Maker and got the promise that Jackford wouldn’t be without a Master for long.

A fortnight later his brother showed up. [/LIST]</span>

[cuteandtwisted]

hi! you and a lot of people seem to be into liv and noah, and i'm interested, but from gifs it seems from gifs that he's like showing up at her place every day/won't leave her alone despite her saying no a lot of times? is that accurate? i'm really not into the 'wear her down/she secretly like it/no means yes' trope and i don't want to watch if that's the case

hey anon. i can see why that would be a turnoff. i would think that too if i wasn’t actually watching SKAM NL. but hear me out.

yes, Noah’s ways aren’t exactly great and they can sometimes be very creepy. but it never goes unchallenged. as a matter of fact, Liv does call him “creepy” several times and gives him shit every time he pops up. 

but Noah is an established ‘odd guy’. he paints his nails, dresses funky, carries a book everywhere, just wants to hear liv’s voice and talk about pretentious hipster art. he isn’t depicted as ‘perfect’. and neither are the rest of the characters. they’ll all grow. he isn’t harmful, though, and he doesn’t push her beyond certain limits. 

now as to WHY people seem to be enjoying Liv and Noah together, even if they don’t enjoy other version of Noora and William, there are different reasons. i’ll just outline mine because i can’t speak for everyone:

they’re both very alike: their loneliness runs deep. Liv is probably the loneliest, (angriest), and most closed-off Noora yet. i don’t really think of her as Noora in my head either, which says a lot about Zoe’s performance and about the writing. they’ve managed to create a separate character with individualities and quirks that belong to her alone. Liv is very artistically inclined (my weakness). she sings and writes her feelings down, but never really shares them with anybody. no one knows what’s going on inside her head and nobody really wonders all that much. because people do actually buy into her facade of the responsible girl in control who’s always taking care of everyone, never getting plastered at parties, always taking out the trash and nursing her friends’ broken hearts. she’s the most put together on the outside but also the most closed off inside. Liv is lonely and i think that’s what’s drawing a lot of people in. (a kick to the gut for me)and Noah? he sees right through her bullshit. and we like that.

ART. yes they’re both artsy and creative and i think they’re gonna make music together and that’s my weakness. also instead of the "fuck, you’re beautiful” line, he pulled a “you look like the water lilies by Monet”. he compared her to art (which she called creepy yea) but then she smiled. no one has made Liv smile or taken her off guard yet. he’s on her level intellectually and artistically. we like that. 

AESTHETIC. i mean. i don’t think this requires a paragraph. it’s just there! 

i think this season will be VERY different from the original. i won’t say why or what i think i know (wink wink) but i do think they’ll spend more time on their emotional bond. i think that ultimately, they match intellectually and emotionally. they have the same interests and they view the world through the same lenses. they pay attention to the same details. they both enjoy standing outside a party while the bass thuds faintly in the background. they’re not complete opposites. 

now the heavy stuff: i’ve always loved Noora. i really really do (nineties kids will remember). i related to her a LOT, but i could never relate to her FULLY. why? because she fit into western (and dare i say) universal beauty standards quite effortlessly. she was that beautiful kind girl who’d always get noticed in crowds anywhere around the world (S4 touched upon this a bit, with how Sana felt like she could never compete with someone as effortlessly gorgeous as Noora around). we feel this a lot. and by we, i mean especially us non-white girls with frizzy curly hair, tan skin, and brown eyes. we don’t necessarily hate the way we look. (that would be internalized racism) but our heart pinches a little when our friends with fairer skin, straighter hair, and bluer eyes get the attention we could never dream of. now i don’t want to make this about race and looks, because i know that anyone would feel inadequate next to Noora. Hell, Vilde’s entire storyline was about that, and she was very very blonde. but still.Liv makes me feel things. because i can actually say that i relate to her 100%. and watching her season and seeing how drop dead gorgeous she is on my screen makes me reflect on how poorly i think of myself and how i do actually nurse some internalized racism deep down in my heart. not to be cheesy, but representation truly does matter. and Liv is fucking gorgeous and her hair is perfect and so is mine.

i’m excited to watch Liv accept this weird guy’s love. she’s opening up to him slowly. and it’s fascinating to watch him get under her skin. not because of physical attraction but because of their emotional bond. 

anyway end of looooong rant haha. i LOVE skam nl. It’s just so soothing and atmospheric. the cinematography is incredible. the crew is mostly women. the cast is young and phenomenal. and the songs/soundtrack are just out of this world. (also their Isa/Eva was pure fire. just incredible performance and 1st season overall).

WATCH SKAM NL PLS

[youtuberswithalex]

Consone, Chapter One: The Princess

Summary: After Thomas passes away, the Sides are all sent spiraling into their next lives. New families, new dreams, new surroundings. But… Something has always felt missing, to them. Something important.

When four strangers meet at Tamzen University, they discover that some loves can transcend lifetimes.

Warnings: Ableism (both external and internal), awful friends, probably sexist thinking, author probably not doing near enough research and only going off of what he’s learned from his friends who have IBS

Word Count: 2.274

(Author’s note: I’m interested if you folks can guess who’s who in these upcoming chapters! Some might be more obvious than others...)

Writing Masterpost – Ko-Fi

-------

Sarah had always known she was a princess.

For as long as she could remember, she had always felt drawn to tiaras and Disney movies and glittery ball gowns. Half of her birthday parties growing up had been princess themed, even when she was probably considered too old to have them. Her friends all knew to never try to convince her that she was just a normal girl; anyone who dared would end up having to watch her break down in tears and feel bad enough to try to fix it. She was lucky to have parents that encouraged her interests, always reminding her that she could be whatever she dreamed, whether it be royalty or not.

Not that she needed reminding, at the beginning— at the start of middle school, when all of those dreams should have began to fade away, the boys in school began to notice her. Sarah reveled in all the attention she could get. They loved to watch her draw her poorly-done anime characters, and read her cliché-ridden fanfiction. Some boys would even argue over who would get to see it first, if they weren’t fighting over who got to ask her if they could be this week’s boyfriend.

High school started out pretty much the same way. As her art and writing developed, so did her looks, and with everyone hitting puberty now, it was rare to find a girl safe from the boys’ gaze. There were quite a few unsolicited and creepy ones that she was lucky to get away from. On the other hand, she had the choice of any of the popular boys to date, and she loved every second of it.

But not every development in her body was for her entertainment. And halfway through her junior year, she got a diagnosis that cost her everything she had.

IBS.

Sarah made the mistake of trusting one wrong person with the secret, and suddenly, no one could get away from her fast enough. Students would scurry away from her locker in the morning, bellowing about how she was going to shit on them if she got too close. Lab partners would purposefully miss class to avoid being near her. Friends, both the ones she knew were fake and the ones she thought she could rely on, gradually stopped answering messages and calls.

By the end of the year, Sarah was left with her parents, her older brother, and a diagnosis that made her sick.

She was no princess.

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“Sarah?” a voice called through her door. “I’m going to the store. Do you want to come along?”

Sarah looked up from her laptop, her greasy, blonde hair falling into her vision as she looked over. “Uh… Sure, Mom,” she slowly replied. “I’ll be down in a minute.”

Footsteps pattered back down the hall, and she carefully sat up and set her laptop to the side. Her arms crossed over her torso as a cramp rippled through her abdomen; she swallowed thickly and pushed her way off of her bed, trying to force herself to ignore it.

She had wanted to put on make-up and a cute outfit, present herself as something worthy just in case anyone from school was there. It didn’t seem like it was going to happen. It never happened, anymore.

Instead, Sarah just slipped on a pair of flipflops and tied her hair into a ponytail. Really, there probably wouldn’t be anyone there that she knew. It was a Wednesday morning in the middle of July—what high schooler would ever want to get up before noon during the summer?

(Sarah, of course, was including herself. She hadn’t gotten up before noon. She simply had stayed up the whole night to write.)

After a moment’s hesitation, she decided to throw on her glasses before heading out the door. Can’t see the judgey stares if you can’t see, right? But she also wouldn’t be able to see the shades on the lipstick she wanted to pick up. So, glasses it was.

Sarah flashed her mother a smile when she reached the bottom of the stairs, and Rebecca returned it, fishing the keys out of her purse. “You ready?”

“Yeah, let’s go.”

As she was opening the door and walking out to the porch, her mom touched her shoulder; she stared at Sarah with a frown, and a knowing eyebrow raised.

“Did you go to bed last night?” she asked.

Huffing, Sarah pulled away and walked out. “Inspiration waits for no one.”

Rebecca scoffed and rolled her eyes, quickly following after her. “Y’know, one of these days, you’re going to pass out and fall down the stairs.”

“Good, can’t wait,” she retorted. “I hope I break my leg so that I can make Noah do everything for me.”

She caught a glare from over the top of the car. Throwing up her hands, she raised her eyebrows.

“What? I’m kidding!”

Rolling her eyes again, Rebecca dropped down into the driver’s seat, waiting until Sarah was safely inside before opening her mouth again. “So, what do you want to listen to today?” she asked. “Haven’t had a Disney day in a long time.”

Sarah’s gut twisted— only emotionally, thankfully –and she avoided her gaze to snap her seatbelt on. “Mom, I’m not a little kid anymore. I have taste now.”

“Taste? You, of all people, are insulting Disney music?”

She ignored both the comment and the hole opening up in her chest, electing to grab her phone and open Spotify instead. “Paramore’s better— and more age appropriate.”

Before Rebecca could say anything, guitar riffs blasted through the speakers. Sarah sat back and stared out the window.

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When they got to the store, the two split up to get the items on their respective lists: Rebecca to the grocery section, and Sarah to the cosmetics.

She had a mental list about a mile long with all of the new products she wanted to try out, all the lipsticks and nail polishes and foundations—and the eyeshadow! There was something that always made her adore eyeshadow above everything else, something that just felt… familiar about it. She couldn’t let herself go into the aisle unless she was planning on buying four new pallets, so she always ended up steering clear, but damn if she didn’t long to go in every time!

There was a bounce in her step as she headed towards the lipstick aisle. If she couldn’t add to her (far too large) eyeshadow collection today, at least she could get some new lipstick. And eye liner. And bronzer. And—

“Oh my god, is that Sarah?”

Her stomach leapt into her throat. Those harsh whispers were not friendly.

“I think it is!”

“Holy shit, dude, she looks terrible!”

It took all of her willpower not to let her shoulders fall. She couldn’t let them know she could hear them. If she did that, they would confront her, make fun of her and her disease in the middle of everyone.

“How many times do you think she’s shit her brains out today?”

“I don’t want to think about it.”

“She’s probably here to buy those adult diapers!”

Sarah ducked into the nearest aisle just as tears began to well up in her eyes.

Embarrassed rage began to fill her chest. It wasn’t fair! Of all the people that could have gotten stuck with this, feeling sick all the time and constantly running to the bathroom, why did it have to be her?! Princesses were supposed to be perfect! A little naïve to get kidnapped so often, sure, but never cursed like this!

Where was her prince? The man who was supposed to save her from this hell, who would rid her of her faults with a single kiss? The fairest knight of all to protect her from evil high school boys and their despicable comments? Her soulmate, her one true love?

Wasn’t he supposed to be here by now?!

Sarah wanted to throw a fit. She wanted to knock shampoo off the shelves, rip her own hair out, turn around and yell at the stupid boys that had started this emotional mess in the first place. But the idea of drawing attention to herself paralyzed her with fear more than anything, so she instead scrubbed the tears from her face so forcefully that she was sure that her cheeks were red.

I can’t keep doing this anymore!

He wasn’t coming. There was no prince coming to sweep her off her feet, no knight to save her from her enemies. Even if there was, he’d run for the hills the second he found out about her curse. There was going to be no wedding, no crowning, no epic fight where he vanquished her enemies!

She was stuck with herself, and only herself, forever.

Sarah had to be her own knight.

A knight, she thought to herself. That feels… right.

Why should she have to sit around and wait for someone to save her when she could do it herself in half the time? Why should she stay helpless and a victim when she could stand, and fight, and save others from their hells, too? Sarah could practically feel a sword in her hand, cool metal against her palm, weight pulling on her wrist, the resistance of flesh while she stabbed it into a winged lion—

Yes. This was what she was meant to be.

Sarah huffed out a laugh and grinned, reaching up and snatching the first box of hair dye she could grab. She needed all the world to know of her change, and the easiest way was to change the most obvious part about her.

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That night, Sarah stood in the bathroom alone and stared in the mirror. Long, blonde hair covered the floor around her, and drips of hair dye stained the tile floor. The thin, plastic gloves on her hands crinkled and held in the humidity of her sweaty palms. In the back of her mind, she thought about looking down to make sure the stray dye on them wouldn’t touch her shirt, but she couldn’t take her eyes off of her reflection.

Short, uneven, bright red hair sat on top of her head.

Taking a deep breath, she squared up her shoulders and lifted her chin.

“I am a knight,” she whispered, “And I live to serve.”

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Just over a year later, Sarah got the name of her college roommate.

If it had been last summer, she never would have said a thing to this stranger about her IBS. She would have kept it to herself, like the prim and proper princess she was trying to be, never allowing a flaw through her perfect disguise.

But this wasn’t a year ago. And Sarah wasn’t a perfect princess anymore.

…Still, she couldn’t ignore the nerves causing her guts to rumble. She’d had to run to the bathroom three times while typing, deleting, and retyping this Facebook message to the girl she’d be living with for a whole year. She wasn’t ashamed of IBS anymore, but watching people’s first reactions never got any easier.

To her surprise, when she returned from her fourth trip, she found that her roommate had beaten her to the punch.

Hey, this is Kealoha! I’m supposed to be your roommate this year. I’m excited to meet you!

Sarah sucked in a deep breath. It was now or never.

Hey, Kealoha! I’m Sarah. Great to meet you! I know we’ve got a lot to learn about each other, but I just want to tell you this in case you want to switch roommates. I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome. It’s a chronic digestive disorder that makes me need to use the bathroom, like, a lot. It shouldn’t effect you or your college experience in any way, but I know people think it’s gross so I just wanted to get it out of the way now.

She sat back in her desk chair as soon as she hit send. Her heart thudded in her chest, and she wrapped her arms around herself. After a moment, when the three little dots popped up on the conversation, she had to remind herself to breathe.

Kealoha’s message popped in.

Oh, okay. I was actually messaging you now for a similar reason. I have a permanent leg injury that requires me to be on crutches any time I’m not sitting. I can get around fine, but I might need a little help every now and again with little things. If you’re okay with me, then I’m okay with you.

Sarah let out a breath she didn’t realize she’d been holding. A relieved laugh slipped out of her before she could stop it; she sunk down her chair until she was almost on the floor, hand over her eyes as she laughed.

Another message popped up, and then a second. Sarah quickly sat up to read it.

You let me know how I can help, by the way. Even if it’s small stuff, like grabbing some candy from the store when you’re not feeling well.  Also, I saw on your page that you like Zelda. I’m a huge nerd for those games. Which one is your favorite?

Sarah was typing in an instant, and it wasn’t long before the two fell into casual conversation. The rest of the evening was spent geeking out, sharing stories, and learning new things about each other. The next day, they picked up the conversation where they’d left off, and the next day, and the next day.

It almost felt like they’d known each other for their whole lives.

Sarah couldn’t wait for college.