#also I made it very clear that I wanted a break between the 2 jobs

[pippapimentina]

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[random-fandom1984]

Can I have some g1 soundwave x reader please😅😅😅😅😅

Being the only femme Cybertronian on the Ark can be... something. Especially when some of them try hitting on you without getting to know you; quite annoying really, but you keep it pushed down; but some people can tell because of your alt-mode.

You stayed in the Ark because of your job as a medic. Your alt-mode is a heartbeat monitor, which also corresponds with your sparkbeats, which is how some people, very few, can tell what you're feeling.

You made your own little base of operations under an abandoned amusement park. You'd bring in people who were injured and left behind in the ruckus of the battlefield between the two factions. Human or Decepticon.

Whenever it's a human, you'd ask them to promise to not tell your Autobot friends about your place of escape, and they do. But with Decepticons, you make sure that they are knocked out, and you just give them a few amounts of anesthesia because they would break in, destroy the place, kidnap you and hold you for ransom against your friends.

One day, when looking through one of the many aftermaths of a battle, you found a minicon in the rubble, Soundwave's minicon: Frenzy. When you took him back to your base, you realized you've forgotten to stock up on more anesthesia, so now you have to worry with the fact that he might wake up soon as you did the procedure of fix-and-repair.

As you were putting your tools away, he woke up with a fright, and you quickly explained the situation to him, which slightly calmed him down. Key word: Slightly. He was suspicious of you but is slowly diminished as you continued to work on the minor injuries that just need a new paint job and be buffed. The last bit disappeared in an instant when you gave him an Energon Goodie.

When he came by again, to your surprise that he remembered the way here, you gave a tour of the place above, he somehow managed to get the place up and running again; thank Primus that your location was miles away from the nearest civilization.

As time went by, Rumble found out, then Ravage, then Laserbeak. When they come to visit, it would be like as if there was no war, they're having a good time in the amusement park.

Sooner or later, Soundwave got suspicious. Where were his kids minicons going late at night?

Being the best spy he is, he followed them, and was surprised that they were hanging out with an Autobot, weren't fighting like there was a war, stopping a fight between Rumble and Frenzy as calm as possible- and somehow easily get them to make up?! He couldn't do that without them continuing to squabble with each other.

He used his telepathy powers to look into your thoughts to see if you secretly had ill intentions with his sons minicons, but there wasn't any!

When his minicons return back to base, it's an instant interrogation the moment they step foot back in the habsuite: How long has this been going on? How did this happen in the first place? What do she always do with them? The only questions that were about you were answered back with positivity.

Curious, he decided to look more into your file when the Decepticons fight the Autobots near the Ark. When he does, all he finds is all good things.

When it was the next time they decided to visit, he wanted to meet her in person. And so he did, and by Primus were you nervous. You were worried he might blow your helm up. You, Soundwave, and his minicons walked through the park, watching the minicons play games, ride the rides; he began to trust you.

The more you all hang out in private, at your secret location, the more you begin to bond closer together, mainly you and Soundwave; the minicons noticed it as clear as day.

So, being mischievous little ones they are, Rumble and Frenzy decided to stage a lil' something. In private, the minicons would call Soundwave Sire, or dad in human terms. So, when the next time you and they met up, they would unexpectedly drop Carrier, mom, at random times in the night. When they first did it, they'd put on an act like as if they didn't mean to say it and it just slip. You fell for their act, so did Soundwave because it was unexpected.

They see you? An Autobot medic? As a parental figure? I mean, sure, you heal up their injuries, you give them Energon sweets if they be good and behave, calmly deal with their fights, gives them sweet head pats, have the most caring optics he's seen, the most beautiful smile- Oh, scrap! He's in love.

He would lie awake at night, questioning why he found you attractive. For starters, your gently touch that he felt when you repaired him, your smiles seem to shine brighter than any star, and sound from your vocalizer was like a siren's call and he was the sailor that was lured by its enchanting melody, your optics the prettiest shade of blue that rivals with this hunk of rock's sky, have the spirit of a Carrier with his kids- Primus, he was hooked, lined and had sunk deep.

After he came to terms with his newfound emotions, he started noticing something about you. Every single time he was close to you, he'd see the screen of your alt-mode, on your chassis, start getting taller. One time, he danced with you as music played in the park, and he saw that the big spikes became frequent, and a subtle blush would be on your cheek plates that you try to hide with your servo and turning your helm to the side. He found this adorable, so much that he became addicted to having that cute blush on your face.

When back on the Ark, you would get pings from an unknown comm-link number, only to realize it's Soundwave, and he's sending you something. When you are finally alone in your habsuite, you would take a look to see that they were poems; they were so sweet, you reread them, laying on your berth, kicking your feet as you excitedly giggle from how nice, sweet, and adorable they are that they might as well be invitations for Cupid to continue to shoot arrows into your spark, making you fall harder for the Con.

When they spent the night in your secret base, you all had fun doing any activity that comes to mind: pillow/blanket forts, teaching the little ones the steps on how you make your glorious Energon Goodies, etc. The last activity was a horror movie marathon. Every time a jump scare would pop up on the screen, you would hug the closest bot, and it just so happened to be Soundwave. During the horror movie marathon, you, Soundwave, and his kids ended up in a cuddle pile, scared, all but Soundwave, Ravage, and Laserbeak.

They decided to spend the night here before returning to the Decepticon base at the break of dawn. You decided to put the little ones to sleep. He decided to start cleaning up the mess that was made, and when he finished, he came back to you telling the ending of an old Cybertron bedtime story.

To him, it looked so nice and peaceful, and you looked so motherly that he just wanted to confess right there, right now. What sealed the deal was you placing a goodnight kiss on the top of their helms, tucking them to sleep before leaving the room they were occupying, only to be dragged off to somewhere by Soundwave, into the place you slept in from time-to-time.

You wondered what was happening, until Soundwave got on one knee plate, servos holding your own, visor looking up into your optics, glistening as he let out a very poetic, charming, delightful, exquisite of him telling you about his feelings, everything about you that made his spark soar: your voice, your optics, your touch, everything.

He carefully watched the screen on you chassis to see if there was any indication of making you uncomfortable or not. And by the end of his heartfelt confession, he watched the heart monitor didn't make any giant spikes. Oh, no. It made a heart at the center of the monitor as blush covers your entire faceplate.

Part 2 coming soon!

[fivelila]

The other side of everything

I think all of you have read the repeated sentences about what's wrong with Fivelila. So I thought I'd write my thoughts on it and maybe some of my headcanon.

1) Age gap

Problem: Ritu is 15 years older than Aidan. Five and Lila have an age difference in both directions, mentally he is much older and physically she is older.

My take: About the age of the actors, I'll say this much - the opposite is so common and many people don't find it strange. For example, did you know that Julia Roberts was 23 when her film Pretty Woman came out and that Richard Gere is 19 years older than her? And I haven't noticed anyone being disgusted by how that's possible. I could find some more extreme differences, but I don't think I want to.

Aidan is 21 and yes, he did TUA when he was younger, but a lot of people still think he's a kid. But no, he's not. Deal with it.

My headcanon: Lila is older than she looks. And that's thanks to the Handler and the work she does for the Commissions. Does any of us know how long has she lived somewhere outside of time? Sounds like another possible parallel to me.

2) Lila was cheating on Diego

Problem: Lila was unfaithful to her husband.

My take: Lila made it clear that she wanted a break with Diego and wanted to reconsider their marriage. Yes, the circumstances ended up being pretty wild, but it was more than obvious that she wasn't happy in the marriage. Among other things, it was over six and a half years for her before anything happened with Five. There are countries where such a long separation between spouses could also help to bring about an immediate divorce if necessary.

I also think that the only thing that connected them the most was their children and not that they were compatible as partners. A completely natural thing that happens really often in real life when someone builds a relationship on desire, which they mistake with love.

3) Five is homewrecker

Problem: Five is the reasons why his brother's family fell apart.

My take: It's not true. Five was not the reason that Lila and Diego had problems in their marriage. Yes, she was still his brother's wife and that's a bit morally grey, but their situation was complicated enough (as I wrote in the previous point) and it's completely understandable. By the way, don't people like this family precisely because their morals are often a bit grey? I guess that's probably only true sometimes, huh?

4) Five cheated on Dolores

Problem: Five was unfaithful to Dolores

My take: Sorry, but this is the biggest piece of shit ever. If someone prefers a relationship that Five made up in his mind just to keep himself from going crazy and heal his trauma, then our fandom isn't the one that's wrong. By the way, if Dolores was real and played by Rachel Delduca, she's definitely older too! I couldn't find the exact age, but it's pretty obvious that she's older than Aidan.

5) Five killed Lila's parents

Problem: Five was the killer of Lila's family and Handler could have kidnapped her. Her family may be alive, but it won't change the past.

My take: Yes, this is about the only thing that could never work in another story. Lila gets her family back, but it doesn't change what happened to her. Still, I think even she knows very well what it's like to work for the Commission and what it was like when an order came down. Handler bears most of the blame, even though she wasn't the one who killed them.

My headcanon: I don't think Lila had clean hands either, though we never really saw that much in the story. Still, even she could have been the murderer of some random parents of some random kids because that was her job. For example, she killed several people on the Commission to get access to past records in the barn, so it would be a bit hypocritical for her to blame others for actions that she herself had done before.

If you have any other thing I should discuss, please post it in the comments, I'll do another post about it.

[whetstonefires]

Do you have any opinions on Scholomance?

I do! I like it a lot. I really enjoyed all three books, blitzed through them easily and was much more excited to see how the plots unfolded than I'm used to these days, as a jaded adult, and I also really appreciated them as works of craft.

Especially the first one, I spent the whole time being all 'wow!' at how simple it was. So easy to read, but no waste. You really need to know what you're doing, to get that kind of pared-down elegance of form to work and still fit so much content in.

Like these are dense, there's a fantastic stylistic minimalism that allows El's character all the space it needs to breathe by making absolutely every other thing and person in the whole novel also do character work for her, which is exactly where the first person voice shines.

Also great use of character perspective to make the pacing feel really natural, so the fact that the first book takes three weeks, the second book takes one year, and the third book is like. Five or so incredibly stressful days spread out over the course of a few weeks? Doesn't feel imbalanced.

I actually got distracted from the story a few times by noticing the strength of Novik's technique. 😂 This is a me problem, in itself it's the opposite of distracting. Very low-profile.

I think the Scholomance is a great example of how far you can go in specfic when you aren't cringing from the label 'derivative,' because the Scholomance books feel very fresh ad clean specifically because nothing in them is concerned with standing out as 'original,' whatever that's supposed to mean, only with being well-executed and suitable to its task.

Hm, maybe that's where Liesel was born, the intersection of the efficient narrative style and the vast proportion of the story that concerns the maximization of utility and the instrumentalization of persons by themselves and others, and the forces that incentivize these behaviors. Or maybe she's just the narrative counterweight to Orion 'Head Empty' Lake lmao. How's that for a principle of balance, Galadriel?

I really did enjoy how beautifully it was laid out, over and over, in dozens of shades of humanity, how no matter where you go in an exploitative system almost everyone is being driven by the same survival instincts.

Because I don't think I've ever seen made so cleanly clear why you just can't expect any person or small group of people, no matter their level of goodwill or status, to unmake one of these systems from the inside; how it's not a matter of people being bad but of every single person being very...small.

And then not retreating into the idea of a person who is Big coming and breaking the cruel system from the outside as some kind of panacea, because 1) that is terrible, even if it's necessary and done in the best way possible and 2) that's not a sustainable answer to anything. Getting a balance between the protagonist being able to effect change and not subscribing to the great man theory of history can be really tricky!

Also did I mention, I love El, and I love most of the cast, even the dreadful ones. How am I going around with this many feelings about Li Shanfeng who doesn't appear until the actual climax?

The romance murdered me a bit, but it took up no more space than it absolutely needed to do its job, and I respect that. Also I appreciated Orion as a love interest; Novik has a slight record at this point of a version of that style of male love interest who's like a caricature of Mr. Darcy but old, which was shaping up to be my least favorite thing about her body of work.

...Orion is kind of like if you took the human king from Spinning Silver and gave him an alignment flip come to think of it, so he's not coming out of nowhere. Lmao.

Which reminds me (re: romance character typing) I've heard Novik didn't want it to be known she was astolat, which this series has renewed my sympathies if so. Because if I were a published novelist I wouldn't want people going 'you know, that resolution was really emotionally satisfying! reminds me of that fic she wrote where optimus prime and megatron get stuck in a hole underground and hatefuck about it.'

I don't even like Transformers. That fic almost made me cry. Actually I suspect it reads better if you don't like Transformers because I'm sure it does not give a shit about canon.

Anyway, whoever pointed out that one of the things El has going on is she's Enoby (and we're going to sit down and explore what the true reason to put your middle finger up at preps is, and what are some constructive ways to channel that socioeconomic wrath, and what it means that there is no ethical consumption under capitalism) was right and I'm not entirely over that either.

Fucking love El's mom as a character. Spectacular level of parent relevance and usefulness. A+.

Aadhya and Liu are also characters who fucking delivered.

Re: minimalism though, I laughed at the start of The Golden Enclaves when I realized that none of the enclaver characters who'd gotten development in the the first two books were from London, the enclave El was theoretically shooting for when we met her.

[buddiebeginz]

I was talking to a friend earlier and it got me thinking about something.

B*mmy stans project all of the stuff they do onto us to an extent I've never seen with any other fandom discourse before.

They call us homophobic for not liking B/T or T*mmy. Yet they hate on people for shipping Buddie or seeing Eddie as queer. To the point of harassing people for including Eddie and Buddie in pride posts. Continually harassing the 911news account and even trying to dox a journalist for posting about Buddie.

They call us delusional for having watched two men love and support one another for 6 going on 7 years and for thinking there could be something more than friendship there. Even though Oliver, Ryan, and Tim have all said they see what we see. Yet they've seen Buck kiss a guy twice, have very minimal screen time or development and they headcanon that they're in love and will get married in the coming season.

They say we fetishize Buddie. Yet most of the time when our fandom is discussing our ship we're talking about the emotional connection between them. Or how we want to see them finally be together in a canon romantic relationship or as a full fledged family (with Chris). Or have their first kiss. Meanwhile most of their posts are the kind of sex they headcanon Buck and T*mmy have. Hell after that that dinner scene tons of them changed their urls to something with daddy in it (referencing the out of place daddy kink joke). To be clear there's nothing wrong with headcanons about fictional characters sex lives. But the main reason most of us ship Buddie is not just because they're two hot guys who we want to think about f*cking, it's because we're invested in the story of their life together. The same can't be said for B/T.

They say we feminize Buck for Buddie:

Meanwhile most of their fics/art/headcanons involve T*mmy being the big strong protector rescuing the "damsel in distress" Buck. They constantly talk about how hot it is that T*mmy is this big older "daddy" firefighter who can take care of Buck and guide him in what it means to be in a m|m relationship.

They say we've made Buck's coming out all about Buddie but 1. Eddie and Buck's feelings for him were heavily included in Buck's bi awakening ep. 2. They have made T*mmy synonymous with buck's coming out to the point of saying Buck wouldn't have even realized he liked men without T*mmy. They've even said that if T*mmy and Buck were to break up in s8 that it would ruin Buck's coming out story.

They accuse our fandom of being mean and of harassing the actors including of sending death threats to Lou. Of chasing Lou off of social media and being the one who caused him to stop his cameos. They say we're the reason Oliver chooses not interact with Lou or anything B/T related online. When there has been no proof of any of this. Meanwhile there is proof from their own fandom that Oliver and Ryan have blocked some of them. They have repeatedly tried to pressure Oliver to interact with B/T posts and Lou. They were also leaving comments on the the video of the podcast Ryan did (with Tommy DiDario) where he talked about his s*icide attempt, telling him he should have finished the job.

They call us a cult or BoBs (Buddie or Bust) yet they dress up like Lou and would still be paying for his videos if he was still willing to put them out. They prioritize Lou/T*mmy above any other character on the show. They talk about how T*mmy should get a begins episode. How T*mmy should be a main character. They defend everything T*mmy has ever done including when he was racist and homophobic to Chim and Hen. They harass anyone who has a negative word to say about their ship or Lou or T*mmy much like a cult would protect their leader. They to this day act like everything Lou ever told them in his cameos is the gospel truth.

911 fandom has grown increasingly toxic ever since B/T became a thing and I honestly just can't wait for the day we either find out T*mmy isn't coming back or when his last ep will be. I mean in some ways our fandom won't ever be the same after this. I've seen a lot of ugly sides to people who I had followed for years as Buddie shippers.

It will never not confuse the hell out of me that some people who were big time Buddie shippers for years not only dropped Buddie but turned completely against the ship and our fandom. And all for a ship that is seriously underdeveloped and one that it's clear the show is telling us in flashing neon lights isn't meant to last.

[those70scomics]

Hi hi hi!

So, since you watched the show as it was airing I wanted to ask if Hyde and Jackie were always intended to become a ship and if they were, how do you know? Also, how do you know the original intention was for them to get engaged at the end of season 7, before it was renewed? (Outside from the obvious) I'm so curious

Hi! 😊

I'll start with how I know what I know. The T7S message board at Fan Forum was created very shortly after T7S began airing. When I became co-moderator of the board (less than ten years ago? Around ten?), I read every single post. Including those that were lost in what was called "the purge" by using the Internet Wayback Machine when Fan Forum was called Forum 4 Fans. These are the earliest posts one can find about the show.

This effort took me weeks. I read tens upon tens of thousands of posts and T7S / T7S fandom history. Followed links to defunct T7S fansites (again, the Internet Wayback Machine). This includes reading articles and transcripts of interviews with the cast, producers, writers, and showrunners. Press releases. News about cast negotiations.

Within these posts and fansites are people who went to tapings and wrote thorough reports. People who spoke to producers at tapings. People who (were) connected to people who worked on the show. Wilmer Valderrama posted himself in the board and interacted with fans. Remember, this forum existed before Twitter/X, before Facebook, before Tumblr. These forums were where social media started.

This was also the time of Myspace, and some of the cast posted there, too, which was reported on the message board.

As I found all the info through my research, I posted it in fresh threads on the message board. I also inherited my grandfather's eiditic memory and have partial highly superior autobiographical memory -- which is, thankfully, nowhere near Marilu Henner's complete HSAM. Of course, if I place a pen down and I'm distracted, I'll forget where I put the pen a second later 😂.

Facts stick in my head. Once I know it, I remember it. For example, I used to recite one of my college classes from start to finish to my friends (those who were interested). I've forgotten half the class by now. I learned how to let go of certain info so it wouldn't drive me 🤪. But not autobiographical memories. Those I re-experience like I'm watching a movie but with all thoughts and feelings attached. It's a visceral trip. A blessing and sometimes not so much. 😅

Anyway, there's the how.

Jackie and Hyde weren't always intended to endgame. The Filgos were writers on the show a few years before they were chosen as showrunners. During Jackie and Hyde's season 2-3 arc, the Filgos became enamored of the chemistry between the characters.

When the Filgos were chosen sometimes during season 4 to be the showrunners moving ahead (season 5 through the original end of the show, season 7), they asked the current showrunners to break up Jackie and Kelso by the end of season 4 because they wanted to pair Jackie and Hyde in season 5.

In the second half of season 4, one can see the change in Jackie and Kelso's relationship. It grows more and more toxic, a turn from their previous growth away from their original toxicity. It's written in stages rather than a sudden shift, so it's grounded in story and character.

From season 5, Jackie and Hyde were intended to be endgame. During the press for season 7 before it aired, the cast made clear this was the final season.

The Filgos were contracted through season 7. They got their next job since T7S was ending. Topher was moving into his movie career fully. The scripts, including the series finale, were written. Shows were filmed and began to air

Then Fox decides to renew the show (safer to continue a popular series than to risk $$$ on a new show). But the Filgos already had a new job lined up. They couldn't break that contract. They hoped whoever was hired after them would follow through on their vision for the show and reasonably expected the new showrunners to respect the past seven years of character a d relationship development.

But the showrunners hired were a) probably cheaper to pay because this was their first showrunning gig and b) presented their vision for season 8, which was to "bring it back to the humor and feel of season 1" -- the only season they liked, clearly, but didn't watch very carefully or with any depth of understanding.

W.V. also had in his contract changes for his character, including him ending up with one of the principal female characters. It wasn't going to be Donna, obviously, so that left Jackie. Not a problem for the S8 showrunners who hated J/H and, very evidently, Jackie as a character.

So instead of following through on the storyline the Filgos left them (i.e. reconcile fan-favorite couple Jackie and Hyde for good) to ease them into the role, they destroyed Jackie and Hyde's relationship because [partially direct quotation, partially close paraphrase from a magazine interview published before season 8 aired], "We never understood it. We never liked it. We think it was a mistake for the show to pair them romantically, so we're returning them to their season 1 dynamic. They were originally antagonists, and they should have stayed that way. That's where the humor is."

Fortunately, frustratingly, and sadly, someone connected to the show revealed Jackie's endgame from the original series finale, the original season 7 finale: Hyde proposes to Jackie, and they get engaged. Their season 7 arc is built around this endgame. Despite the script revisions and rewrites made when season 8 was greenlit, their original endgame remains evident throughout the second half of season 7.

Hyde tells Eric peacefully and happily (for Hyde) that he's decided [to marry Jackie]. Jackie would have actually left for Chicago, leaving Hyde the note he reads shortly after his decision. Kelso was not involved. But the rewrite, I believe, changed Jackie to having pretended to leave. It's messy writing, but it sets up that Kelso must now drive Jackie to Chicago. He's in her motel room, etc.

The original scripts likely have Jackie go to Chicago before the deadline she set for the ultimatum. Hyde is naturally upset and angry because he'd decided within her deadline to propose, but she deprived him of the chance after forcing the choice.

Hyde's conversation with Eric and Donna about his feelings (in Hyde's way) was probably in the original script. Donna calls out Hyde, realizing he was going to propose. Later, Eric tells Hyde he recognizes that Hyde became happy once he and Jackie got together.

All of the above is easily discernable. The following is conjecture based on the facts, foreshadowing, the Filgos' intended endgame for Jackie and Hyde, and my education and experience as a writer.

These conversations lead Hyde to break out of his misery and go to Chicago (with a ring) and follow-through with the proposal -- a huge character moment for him. He's going to fight for Jackie even if she ultimately rejects him (a parallel to "Babe, I'm Gonna Leave You" in season 5, where Jackie professes her love and doesn't care if Hyde says it back).

Hyde would have knocked on Jackie's motel door. She would've been shocked and asked Hyde what he's doing there. He would have entered and gotten on one knee. The audience would have squealed. Hyde would have proposed in a way true to himself -- not sentimentally but touching nonetheless.

She'd be in shock. "I can't believe you came to Chicago ... "

Hyde says his knee is starting to hurt, so she better make up her mind before he's forced to stand up.

Jackie: "Yes! Steven, yes, I'll marry you!"

Hyde blows out a heavy breath in all kinds of relief, stands up, and puts the ring on Jackie's finger. Jackie and Hyde kiss and embrace. Then Jackie examines the ring and is surprised he didn't go on the cheap like Eric.

Hyde: "Yeah, well, I asked W.B. for help."

Jackie: "But you hate hand-outs!"

Hyde: "It's not a hand-out! It's a loan. I'm gonna pay him back."

Jackie stares at Hyde lovingly.

Hyde: "What?"

Jackie: "This is our first fight as fiancés!"

Hyde laughs quietly then kisses Jackie again.

Fade out.

Other scenes to finish off the series, including the reveal to Jackie and Hyde's friends and family about their engagement.

[sc0tters]

Out of It | Mat Barzal

summary: as your relationship with Tito finally hits a breaking point, what happens when Mat is there to pick up your pieces?

request: yes/no

warnings: cheating, failed relationship, drinking, allusions to sex, swearing.

word count: 3.2k

authors note: Kei said I could use the chaotic ending so I did, probably means we’re gonna have to have a part 2 (let me know if you want it). Request said something sad for Tito but happy for Mat and this is what my mind came up with. I actually enjoyed writing this one a lot so I hope you all enjoy reading it! But also don’t cheat on your partners, that’s very fucked up!

part two | part three

Things hadn’t been good for months.

When Anthony was first traded to the Canucks your boyfriend of three years always just assumed that you would join him. But you didn’t, your entire working career was spent in New York building up the your name and you weren’t ready to leave it for some city in Vancouver without the guarantee of a job waiting for you.

That seemed to be the first sign that things were changing as the boy took it as you not loving him.

Tito slammed his hands against your kitchen counter “do you ever support me in this move?” The man groaned in frustration making you taken aback by his outburst.

The accusation hurt you “of course I do.” You yelled back making his irritated tone “the fact that you think I’m gonna pack my life up at the drop of a hat makes me question how you feel about me though.” You crossed your arms sending him a glare.

This argument had gone on for the last fifteen minutes and there was still no clear sign of the end of this argument “look I can’t live in Vancouver but I can split my time between the two cities.” You offered growing tired of the way this was continuing to drag on.

But Anthony didn’t like that offer, in fact that almost felt worse than you just staying in New York “don’t bother.” He sighed pushing past you.

The hockey player moved towards the door “where are you going?” You croaked feeling your throat grow tight “I’ll spend the night with Mat.” Anthony sighed grabbing his shoes from the rack.

Your feet pulled you to the door “we don’t go to bed angry,” you reminded him “you promise.” Tears began rolling down your cheeks as you felt like you were loosing the love of your life “I’ll be back in the morning.” The boy mumbled kissing your forehead.

His lips left their print on your skin before he walked out of the apartment leaving you alone.

You two never actually spoke about that argument again, instead just choosing to ignore the fact that for the first time since you two moved in together Anthony didn’t sleep at home when he was in New York.

It felt like it was meant to be the one anomaly in your relationship or at least until February hit. Valentine’s Day you were meant to be in Vancouver with flights booked and everything but when a last minute meeting came up you had to pull out. Much to the annoyance of Anthony though.

Thinking you were doing the right thing you told him to go enjoy the dinner reservations he made. But after your long day of work when you came home the last thing you expected to see was the rumour mill that twitter made talking about how Anthony had a new girlfriend.

She was taller than you and looked like a blonde supermodel. Through frustration you grumbled something to yourself before you dialled in your boyfriends number “hey y/n!” Anthony was always good about picking up on the first or second ring “yeah I’ll be done in a sec,” he added clearly talking to someone on his side of the call.

You never liked admitting that you felt insecure in your relationship, but how could you not when you were with some hotshot hockey player? It also wasn’t helped by the fact that he lived 3 hours behind you and in a different country “don’t tell me she’s there,” you choked on the words as tears formed in your eyes.

Anthony clicked his tongue hearing the soft whimper you let out “who baby?” His nickname always had you melting into his hand but now you felt repulsed by it “that girl-“ your eyebrows knitted together as you thought the boy was playing tricks on you acting all oblivious.

The hockey player cut you off “told you that Twitter isn’t good for you.” His reminder felt condescending as you sat down feeing like you were having his lecture in person “why are they all talking about it?” Your voice was soft as you wiped your cheek with the back of your hand to clean the tears away from you.

He almost forgot he was on the phone to you as he stared at the girl who was on his couch pointing at her watch to signal that they were late “when she realised that we both had no plans tonight I said she should come with me.” Tito explained leaving you silent as he wasn’t denying that he spent the night with this bombshell of a girl “she’s just a friend though baby you got nothing to worry about.” Somehow his attempt to comfort you only made your nerves stick out more.

You tried to formulate a coherent sentence as you felt stupid for getting all upset “look I’ve got a few days off next week, why don’t I come see you?” He proposed causing that stupid love drunk smile to form on your face “I’d like that a lot.” You nodded missing your boyfriend now more than ever.

From the moment he arrived in New York you two could feel that something was different. As you invited some of his favourite old teammates over for dinner you felt relieved that you weren’t having to spend the night alone with him.

But of course that sense of peace had to be disturbed “baby why don’t you leave those for the morning?” You asked seeing Anthony’s back towards you as you entered the kitchen.

If there was one thing that usually fixed your problems it was sex. Sure that sounded stupid and like you were both teenagers, but as a couple your favourite way to end even the smallest of fights as with sex.

Which is why you thought it was the fix this problem needed “I want to wake up to a clean kitchen.” The Canadian always felt this rewarding feeling whenever he got to see an empty set of sinks in the morning.

You decided to try a little harder as you walked over to him “think I’ve got something a little more fun for you to do before that though.” You mumbled letting your hands slide up the front of his shirt.

That only seemed to piss him off “Jesus y/n let me finish the fucking-” the moment he began lashing out you stepped back keeping your lips shut until he spun around to look at you.

It didn’t take his eyes long to make their way down your body as you tied the string around your robe up clearly deciding that it wasn’t right for tonight “oh,” Anthony’s voice was soft as he realised that you were wearing his favourite lingerie.

The set was something you bought when he was on a long road trip once and you sent him pictures of each set you tried on in the store and when he picked the blue set you went to the airport to pick him up in a coat with nothing on underneath besides for that new set “forget it.” You rolled your eyes now feeling embarrassed as you turned around heading back to your bedroom where you sat on your bed for fifteen minutes waiting for him to come after you.

But he never did and you felt like an idiot.

April came around and you were now onto month four of feeling like something was wrong but you never felt confident enough to talk to Anthony about it so instead you let your relationship get to the worst it had ever been. Excuses were made each time one of you was meant to see the other and as the time between phone calls grew, the amount of fight you put up to see the other person decreased.

Tonight you were going out with some of the guys from the Islanders team. Mat invited you along as they were celebrating their place in the playoff “I know they are your friends.” You rolled your eyes at the phone call as Anthony couldn’t understand how his best friend invited you along.

It was somewhat amusing because Mat was the one who introduced you to your boyfriend “I’m going to support the boys okay?” You heard a knock at the door making you open it.

A smile formed on your face seeing older Canadian as you ushered him inside motioning to him to keep quiet as you were on the phone “yes I’ll let you know when I’m home.” It sounded like you were talking to a parent rather than your boyfriend.

Mat made himself comfortable on your couch as his spread his legs leaning into the soft fabric “I’m going to go now.” And with that you hung up. It irritated you how the first time he called you in over a month was because one of his old teammates mentioned that he was seeing you tonight “you okay kid?” Mat asked furrowing his eyebrows.

Despite the fact that there was only a two year age gap between you both when he met you, you were a freshman in college in your Maple Leafs jersey as you willingly spent your morning in a cafe arguing with the Islander player about how the Canadian team was better. Mat would never admit this to you or Anthony but he thought you were hot, that’s why he invited you to the game when the Maple Leafs came to visit. Why he scored a goal and pointed right up to the box where you sat, but even more so why he scored three goals. But no matter how hard Mat tried to impress you, it was no match against Anthony’s soft smile that he sent you making you weak in the knees.

You sighed sitting next to him “Tito is mad at me again.” You mumbled fiddling with the bracelet that the older boy gave you for your twenty first, the piece of jewellery that you now never take off.

Mat slipped his hand onto your knee giving it a squeeze “don’t worry about him.” The Canadian wanted to act like his crush on you had diminished over the years but when you called him in tears because you realised that you were drowning your sorrows in too much Chinese food for one person to ear during Anthony’s first night in Vancouver. The speed Mat drove across the city going through each red light told him otherwise.

Having him around always comforted you “think I just need to let loose tonight.” You mumbled running your hand through your hair pushing it back unintentionally revealing your collar bones that were highlighted by the low cut of your dress “finally give you a reason to keep up with me.” Mat always drank faster than you as you wrote it down to his lack of a college career where he never got the chance to grow out of it.

You rolled your eyes letting out a laugh “think you’ll be keeping up with me tonight.” You mumbled looking down at your phone to see the time “we’re late,” you groaned quickly getting up. Mat followed your actions with a smile “only means we have to make up for the lost time.” He pointed out making you laugh.

Oh how pretty that sound was.

The bar was packed full of players and their partners with you being the only plus one without a romantic connection to the team. You had practically drunk your way through the bar as the wags believed that you were making up for lost time after you turned down each of their offers to join them on girls night since Anthony left. It was stupid sure, but you always felt out of place when you were with them, so you thought that you’d feel worse without your boyfriend there.

But instead you surprisingly felt like you fitted in as Mat’s arm snaked around your waist “you want another one?” He asked motioning to your empty glass.

The girls had smirks on their faces as they watched your cheeks turn pink feeling his breath on your neck “I’ll come!” You blurted out making them bite the inside of their cheeks to hold in the giggles.

Whilst everyone thought you would marry Anthony, it made all of the girls happy to see you smile and until you or Mat did anything that crossed a line. They didn’t see the point in telling Anthony that his friend was taking care of his girlfriend.

Because to them everything that Mat and you did was friendly, the touches, the smiles, the looks. But what none of them knew was how each of your heart rates increased at the mere thought of the other. Mat locked his hand into yours as he pulled you through the crowd “two refills please.” He asked the bartender with his signature smile.

When the hockey player turned to you he realised you had been staring “what are you thinking about kid?” Mat’s voice was soft as he sat you in the barstool in front of him “how bad would it be if we left?” You cocked your head staring at his Hazel orbs that seemed to be locked into your soul.

Your question made Mat laugh “you had enough?” He frowned wanting to have more of your company for longer. You were quick to shake your head “no of course not,” your cheeks turned pink as you panicked “I just want ice cream and some vodka right now.” The pairing was weird but it seemed to be the only thing going through your mind “well it’s a good thing that I have both of those in my apartment then isn’t it?” His comment made your eyes light up with excitement.

Without thinking he held his hand out to you “they’re all so drunk I don’t think they’ll notice us leave.” Mat mumbled causing you to nod as he pulled you out of the bar somehow without anyone noticing.

During the drive back to his you remained fairly quiet as the Uber driver continued to talk to Mat about what it was like being a hockey player “I’m telling you I think he loves you.” You got the words out between your fit of giggles.

Mat groaned shaking his head “was nervous to have such a pretty girl in his car.” The boy shot back shoving his spoon back into the Häagen-Dazs ice cream container as he ignored the workout he was going to have to do tomorrow.

His compliment made your stomach do flips “think he’d be more affected by you,” you shook your head taking a sip of the expensive vodka that he had given you to drink “if he was gay-“ before you could swallow you let out a laugh resulting in a cough from you.

The hockey player grew alarmed watching your face turn red “you okay?” All you could do was nod until your throat calmed down “you care about me.” You teased rubbing your elbow with his as you smiled.

As much as Mat tried to ignore how he felt about you it was no longer working “of course I do.” The Canadian wanted to scoff that you would ever even consider to think that he didn’t.

But what he didn’t expect as your eyes locked with his was that you would lean forward to kiss him. At first Mat melted into the kiss as this was something he always wanted but as you moved to his lap he was reminded of the fact that you weren’t his “what about Tito?” Mat gasped forcing himself to feel guilty about the situation. Your lips formed a frown “he doesn’t love me anymore Mat,” you shook your head as tears formed in your eyes “and I don’t love him.” It was the first time you had ever actually said that out loud.

Yet it was all true, the fire that was once burning underneath your relationship turned to an occasional spark that had gone into hiding for the last few months. Mat stared at your soft facial expression “why don’t you leave him?” He asked furrowing his brows “don’t want to be alone.” Your confession made you seem week.

Truthfully though you had grown used to Anthony’s company and you were scared to see if you could survive without a boyfriend in your life “you aren’t alone.” Mat sighed tracing his finger along your jaw letting his thumb settle on your lip.

Maybe it was the alcohol talking but if he showed you that he was here for you then maybe you’d leave Anthony for good “prove it to me then baby.” You pushed your lips back into his as the boy walked the two of you to his room letting your body hit his mattress.

Mat was finally going to have his way with you.

The next morning.

You let out a groan as you heard a loud knock at the door “baby go get it,” you grumbled wanting to go back to sleep “fine.” Hearing Mats voice from beside you had the events of last night quickly falling back into your head.

Somehow though the boy seemed calmer about it all as he sent you a smile “could get used to this.” You were wearing one of his old Islanders shirts, the first time you were wearing a piece of merch from the team that wasn’t from Anthony.

It reminded you of the fact that you still had a boyfriend but here you were in his best friends bed covered in hickies whilst he was covered in scratches “you should answer the door.” You pushed your hair out of your face as you began to feel sick. You weren’t upset about last night, you loved the reminder of feeling what it was like to be loved.

To put it simply you felt bad that you had done it to a guy like Anthony, your mother raised you better than that “I’ll send them on their way and then we can talk about last night.” Mat wasn’t an idiot, he could see that you weren’t thinking about Anthony by the way you stared at the promise ring on your finger that he gave you when he came back in February.

It only took you two months to go ahead and fuck that one up “okay,” you nodded biting the inside of your cheek as you struggled to comprehend how you would talk to Anthony after this.

Your stomach did flips as you stared at yourself in Mats bedroom mirror. In that moment you felt like a horrible person and there was honestly no denying that you were one. Your precious Anthony would never cross a line like the one that you had and you only hoped that you had enough time to fix it before everything was thrown back in your face “what took you so long dude?”

That voice sent a chill down your spine as your eyes went wide with any desire of wanting extra sleep quickly being thrown out of the window.

What the fuck was Anthony doing at Mat’s door?

[jillsandwhichs]

Our Future Days

Joel Miller x Reader series, Chapter 1, Move in day

Masterlist

Pairing: Fem!reader x Joel Miller

Summary: You officially move from oregan to texas and get to meet your very new & handsome neighbor, Joel

WC: 3.1k

Type: SFW

Some thing's you need to know before reading: this is a series, not a one shot collection! you (the reader) already have a semi premade backstory. first off, you're originally from oregon. you studied at med school and got a job offer in texas to become a doctor, which you took. you are 23 in this but if you don't like that, imagine any age (18+) and i did make joel younger 26 (until the 20 year time jump, he'll be 46) but he does still have sarah, just pretend it's not wonky LMAO! one more thing, ya have a dog in this fic, he's a boy but imagine any breed you'd like! aside from that, this is tlou game version but i included some sides from the show! a couple more things: 1. all characters from tlou1/2 will be mentioned/featured. 2. this takes place before outbreak, then eventually outbreak day, then eventually in the apocalypse. 3. this is a slow burn romance (drabbles of it in each chapter though, esp when it progresses) and does feature a decent amount of smut. 4. JOEL NEVER DIES!!!

A/n: Hi! Hope you all enjoy. Please check out my masterlist, there's a lot of stuff there. You can get to know me, you can see the rules of my blog and then you can see all of my fanfictions. You'll be able to find the previous chapters to this fic and upcoming ones. You'll also be able to find my Wattpad & AO3. Thank you

Tapping your fingers on the steering wheel, you matched the beat of the song playing on your cars radio. It was a song by Blake Shelton. You weren't a huge fan of him but he had some classics. It has been such a long day for you. You've been driving for the past two hours, not a single break in between. You just wanted to get to your new home as soon as you could. You could tell your dog, Becker, needed to go potty as well. He'd just have to hold out.

The GPS on your phone stated you were only about ten minutes away. The center of Austin TX was busy as all hell, so that time span could get longer by the second. So many cars & people flooded the streets. "God dammit." You mumbled to yourself, rolling your eyes as you seen all the upcoming traffic ahead. This was going to be a long night. You had no clue when you'd even be able to get into bed. Then again, it was only 4:30 in the afternoon, almost evening.

Behind you, in the backseat, you could hear Becker whimpering & whining. "Don't worry boy, we're almost home, just a little bit longer." You cooed to him, reaching your right hand back and allowing him to lick you. You got Becker as a graduation gift a few weeks ago. You two have bonded ever since. You were never a cat person, dog's were more of your style. "You'll be able to go potty soon." You said to him, pulling your hand back up and holding onto the wheel.

Traffic wasn't going as slow as you intended, was traffic always going to be like this though? This ain't going to be pleasant if so. Especially working for the hospital. Imagine an emergency happens and you're needed but the roads are packed, that's going to be one helluva time. But, you wanna think positively. You missed your family too. It's going to be hard without them, especially your mom. She is your number one supporter and without her in the same home as you, it'll be a large change.

You turned the radio up, hearing the country music blast throughout your car but not loud enough to scare your dog. Dogs ears are sensitive and you didn't wanna bother him further than he already was. No doggo wants to be stuck in a car all day, especially in this heat. Despite it being early September, it was still quite warm out. That's another big change from Oregon, you imagine that back home, it's either really windy or heavily raining. The change could be nice though.

The sound of Becker panting was clear as day, it only made you feel more guilty. "Hold on baby." You muttered to him before you then rolled your window down and the window directly behind you, not a lot though, you didn't want him to jump out or something. Through your rearview mirror, you could see his slobbery tounge blowing in the wind as he stuck his head out the window. "Hah, good boy!" You giggled, turning left onto the exit, finally getting off of this miserable highway.

Finally, the road wasn't full anymore. It was a downtown rural area now, cars slowly made their way through the town. Austin is busy, yes, but this side of it, not so much. The only logical reason it was super busy on the highway and earlier roads was because people are getting/going to work. Your first day at the hospital is on Monday. You were nervous but in a great way. You have been non stop thinking about it. All of the work you've put in and you're officially where you wanted to be. Life was going good... For once...

You passed by all sorts of different places. Gas stations, fast food chains, locally owned stores & stands, it felt so honey. Back in Oregon, you lived in the center of the city, it was always so lively and never calm. Austin is like that too but not as bad, and definitely not as bad as Dallas is. You were grateful you didn't end up moving there or even somewhere that was worse. Austin was a good enough fit for you.

The GPS showed you were only a minute or two away from home, your heart was racing a bit. You've never been on your own before and you least expected it to be in a completely different state. Luckily, a week from now, you'll be going back home for the weekend. It'll be comforting. You'll definitely make sure to call your family everyday, you made sure they knew that too. They'd have to simply put up with it.

You could tell you were getting closer due to the change in scenery. There weren't any establishments around these parts, just either compact or extensive suburban homes. You actually used to make fun of those perfect American families who lived in these types of areas but look at you now. Back home, you lived in a small house, only two bedrooms but you were an only child so it was never a problem. You did wish for siblings growing up but you understand now that if you had some, things would be a whole lot different.

As you turned left, the tracker built into your phone made a dinging noise, indicating you had arrived at your destination. It wasn't wrong. Just to the left, you could see your newly purchased home. It made your heart skip a beat. Not only were you nervous but you were also so happy. You glimmered as you pulled right into the driveway and set your car in park. You could tell Becker knew this was your guy's new home, his whimpers weren't ones of boredness but rather excitement. "One second." You sighed out before getting out of the car.

Stepping out of your car, you sighed softly as you breathed in the fresh air. The smell of outside was always so welcoming. You grabbed your purse out of your car too and swung it across your shoulder. It was a brown leather purse with an embroidered strap. You then opened up the backseat so Becker could jump on out. "Stay over here buddy." You chuckled out, scratching the top of his head a few times before closing both doors. You had quite a bit of stuff in your trunk & backseat but you hired a truck to drive all of your other belongings here. It wouldn't be there for another day or so.

Becker ran off to the side of the house to go potty ; You trusted him enough to not run off. He was a good dog. You went to the back of your car and popped open your trunk. It was a mess but everything you needed for the night was in there. You even bought an air mattress, your back would die trying to sleep on a wooden floor. You grabbed the first two boxes, they weren't very big, and set them on the concrete of your driveway. They just had toiletries in them.

You grabbed out another box, this one was a bit bigger than the other two. It had all of your kitchen appliances in it. You were excited to cook your very first dinner in your very own home. You already decided on making Pesto Pasta, one of your favorites. In your trunk, there was the air mattress box. It wasn't going to be the best way to sleep but it'd have to suffice for the night, your proper bed should be in either tomorrow or on Sunday.

Whilst grabbing out the air mattress, you heard the sound of a truck driving past and pulling into the driveway across from you. They must've been your neighbors. Your neighbors back home weren't the nicest. There were the Johnson's so were beyond uppity and thought they were better than everyone else, they lived beside you. Then there was Cassandra and Cody, they were your age and pretty kind except they were literal kleptos.

You ignored the truck behind you, just trying to get everything you needed for the night. You could hear Becker barking but you didn't know what it was he was doing it at. You figured a wild animal, maybe a bunny or a stray. Becker was actually from a shelter, you'd never buy an animal from PetSmart or whatever. "Becker, quit your barking!" You shouted at him, nudging him to come over to you. Maybe he wasn't good with new environments.

You placed the last cardboard box from your trunk on top of another one, shooting your eyes to look at Becker. He was looking at the truck across the street, barking at it. "Oh boy, quit it." You spoke out to him but he didn't listen. You went to grab onto his collar but right as you did, he bolted off into their driveway. He was a friendly dog, you didn't think he'd do anything bad, he was just inquisitive, but it was still bad of him to run off like that.

"Becker!" You yelled, jogging across the street to grab him. You watched as two men got out of the black truck. The one in the driver's seat had a mullet and lighter hair than the other man, he also seemed shorter. The other one though had short dark hair, although you couldn't tell if it was purely brown or black. He was well built, along with the other man. Were they brothers? That's the only assumption that came to mind.

Once you reached their driveway, you grabbed Becker and pulled him back to you. The man getting out of the passenger seat looked back at you and had a puzzled look before letting out a chuckle beneath his breath. "Listen, I'm so sorry, he's just curious." You sighed out. Becker was now listening as he sat down right by your feet. "Sorry, we'll be out of your hair." You giggled, beginning to turn around before you heard the man's voice speak up.

"You just move in across the street?" He asked you, his voice sounded southern and it was very deep. "Oh uhm, yeah, just got here tonight actually." You said kindly, looking back at him again. "Well, welcome then, and to your dog." He snickered out. "I'm Joel, this is Tommy." Joel spoke deeply, pointing over at the other man. You let the two men know your name before asking them whether or not they were brothers, and they were. You weren't surprised, they did share similar facial features.

"Where are you from?" Joel raised, his arms crossed. His arms were huge, he definitely has a nice body. "I'm from Oregon." You said softly, placing your slender hands onto your waist. "Damn, that's a long ways out. What made you move all the way here?" "Got a job offer at the hospital." You said with a titter, his accent was thick. "Oh, you a nurse or something?" He questioned, leaning up against his truck. "No, a doctor. Recently gradated from medschool." You explained, glancing over at his brother as he walked into the house. Maybe they lived together.

"Well how bout that? I'm just a contractor." "That's nice." You added, tucking strands of your thin hair behind your ear. "Yeah, yeah, well I'll let you continue settling in. If you need any help with uh larger furniture, me and my brother can stop by, we helped the Adler's when they first moved in." Joel said with a deep voice, pointing his index to the home beside his. "That would be great, thanks, luckily I don't have to deal with the bullshit of larger furniture today, it'll be in either tomorrow or Sunday."

"Alrighty, well, you have yourself a good evening. See you." Joel said with a sly smirk, slowly inching backwards. "You too, Joel." You gave him a slight smile before patting Becker to follow behind you. You made your way across the street, allowing Becker to run around in his new yard. You took a gander back and seen Joel looked back at you before entering his home. When you saw his eyes on you, you felt a deep pit in your stomach. Nothing bad, rather just glee or something. You couldn't pin it.

Around your neck was a lanyard, it had the key to your home, you assumed it was locked. At least you hoped, you don't want any squatters inside. You unlocked the white door and opened it, stepping inside of it. The sunset beamed in through the windows throughout the house. It was still dark though, every single light was switched on. The seller said you'd have to go to the basement to switch them all on. That sounded like a fun time!

One by one, you dragged each box into the home, keeping some on the floor and placing some on the island counter. You didn't plan on unpacking any of it tonight, you were restless and just wanted to lay down for the night, despite it only being 5 PM. The more sleep you get, the easier it'll be tomorrow. You definitely had to get a lot of sleep Sunday considering on Monday, you start your first day. Even though it's just training, you wanna be as awake as possible.

You ambled towards the front door again and away from the kitchen to call Becker in. He'd have to deal with the floor for the night. He is a cuddly dog, he loves big comfy areas but without a bed or a couch, there's no way. "Becker!" You said with a rowdy voice, "C'mon baby." He came running over to you and past your legs, going into the house and treading around like a mad man. "Oh good boy." You chuckled, petting him gently.

You walked back over to the kitchen and grabbed the air mattress, you needed to get it open and blown up. It was sealed to a T, your nails were definitely not enough to get it open. Striding towards the appliances box, you opened it up and searched through it, taking out a knife to slice it open. You are quite clumsy so you were praying you wouldn't stab the mattress on accident. It didn't help that Becker felt the need to push himself up against you, seeking attention & love as if he's starved from it.

"Back off boy." You snorted, pulling the mattress out of it's box. It was all wrinkled up and looked compact. Although it was the size of a Full. You straightened it out on the living room floor, you didn't feel like carrying it all the way up the stairs. It came with a machine to blow it up and you connected it to the black cylinder hole, turning it on and hearing the loud blowing noise it was making. You didn't have any pillows, they were all packed up in that truck but luckily, you had a blanket, it was the one you let Becker use in the backseat when you were driving.

"You stay here mister." You stated out to Becker before beginning to make your way out of the front door to take the blanket out from the car. As you went outside, you noticed a bright light was on in Joel's house, just in one room though. You could also see the shadow of a smaller person's body walking through said room. Did he have a girlfriend? Or did Tommy have one? Maybe it was Tommy's. You convinced yourself of that at least.

After grabbing the blanket, you walked back inside and seen Becker already making himself a spot on the bed, despite it barley being inflated. "You little shit." You grinned, tossing the fuzzy blanket on top of him. Guess you were going to have to share.

The bed was officially ready to be slept on, you haven't been this excited to sleep in a very long time. Back home, you dreaded it. You would stay up all night, doing different stuff. Whether it was studying, painting, reading, working out, etc.. You were always doing something new. With Becker, it's been better. You're an affectionate person and he is as a dog. It may be a rough night, it always is sleeping somewhere new, but with him it may be easier.

Pulling the machine away from the bed, you turned it off and climbed underneath the blanket, feeling immediate warmth. The Texas heat also played a part in that. Back in Oregon, you had a heater beside your bed to help, you definitely didn't need one here. "Alright." You whispered to yourself, Becker lying right beside your feet, his fur was cozy. You were originally going to turn the lights on to your home but honestly, you were scared to go down there all alone, a pitch black basement? No thanks.

Trying to sleep in a new area was hard. You felt homesick. You miss your old room, the house noises, the feeling of it. You lived there your entire life, now you're thousands of miles away. Becker probably felt that way too, especially with how he connected with your father, they bonded. A week from now though, you'd be able to see them. It'd be easier. Another thing you couldn't stop thinking about was that man - Joel.

He seemed so different. He was kind & understanding, and that's just simply based on the short conversation the two of you had together. He was so willing to help you out, no one else was like that. It was a sweet welcoming. He was also very handsome. All the men back home weren't like that. That glimmer in his eyes wasn't something to ignore. It was the way he gazed at you that had you wrapped around the thought of him.

That brother of his was good looking too, definitely not as much, but either way. Were they both contractors? It appeared as though they had just left work so maybe they work together. And who was that smaller person walking throughout his house earlier? Had to be a girlfriend. A daughter? No way, the two of them looked to young to even have children. There was still a chance though, teen pregnancies aren't uncommon. You presume you'll deal with a lot of them as a Doctor.

Your eyes felt more & more heavy. Becker's deep breathing made you weary too. The pitch blackness of the room was helpful ; White sound would've been helpful too. Sleeping in complete silence was torture. All you could really hear was your dog and your own breathing. You were completely spent for the day. And you were ready to hit the hay.

Divider Creds: animatedglittergraphics-n-more

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA If I told my neighbour (40 F) to stop sending her kid (9 M) to my (24 M) house whenever I come home?

Long story short last summer I was an unemployed grad student who wanted to make some extra cash. I am a certified swim instructor, so I decided to run some lessons for the neighbourhood kids out of my parents’ backyard. I advertised around and I got a few bites and I ended up doing fairly well for myself between my classes at Uni, with around 7 different family’s joining my lessons.

Well now I’ve graduated and I’ve started a career job around 2 hours away. This summer I have been coming home almost every weekend so I can see my family and use the pool, which has been a really nice break from the city.

The problem is this kid (who is honestly a really great kid, and I don’t fault him) whose mother is using me like a free babysitter. Whenever I come home (i.e. whenever they can see my car in the driveway) the kiddo comes over so say hi, and asks if he can hang out. I kind of assume the poor guy doesn’t have a lot of friends, and I’m worried that if I tell him no I’ll really hurt his feelings.

The first time I texted his mom to make sure she knew where he was and if she was ok with him being in my house. She said yes and asked me if that was ok with me, and I said it was cool. We mainly played some age appropriate video games, and chatted, and I made sure my mother was in the room with us the whole time (because I honestly feel a bit awkward and I don’t want to be seen as a creep or anything). I sent him home and I was happy that I could make him feel a bit better, but then the next time I came home he was there again. And then again. And then again.

It’s getting to the point where it feels very inappropriate. I would never do anything to hurt a kid, but I keep feeling more nervous that this could be misconstrued as some kind of grooming. I see him a lot like my little cousin (7 M) and I want him to be happy, but I’m just not feeling comfortable with the situation. I also feel like I’m being taken advantage of, because his parents keep letting him come over, sometimes for multiple hours at a time, without asking and with no warning, and of course no pay for what is technically babysitting.

I really don’t want to hurt the little guys feelings, but this last time I was home without my parents and I just got out of the pool so I was in my swim trunks. I didn’t want to turn him away but I also didn’t want him to stay because of the way it looked. I didn’t know what to say so we hung out for a bit in my front yard (in clear view of the whole neighbourhood) and chatted for a bit before I sent him home.

It’s getting very disruptive because I feel like I can’t have a few drinks with my buddies just in case this kid comes over and I need to pull out my camp counsellorsona, and again it’s not like I’m getting paid. To be blunt, I want to be able to relax.

He’s moving away in a few months, so I figured it wouldn’t matter for much longer anyhow, but after this last time I really don’t know anymore.

I have a hard time saying no to anyone, but it’s especially hard to tell this little kid no to his face when he comes to my door so excited to see me, so WIBTA to text his mom and tell her not to let him come over again? I really don’t want to hurt his feelings, and I really don’t want his mom to tell him I don’t want to see him again, but I’m running low on options here. I’m uncomfortable and frustrated, and I don’t know what to do here.

What are these acronyms?

[thatdeadaquarius]

sleepy-apparition Submitted:

I have to say it, I can not stay silent any longer! Shenhe is one of the best characters for neurodivergent creator.

Just hear me out! Not only is also plagued with feeling like she's stuck between two worlds(being a human that was forced out of society and now has to ingrain herself back into society after living away from it for so long), her way of thinking and speech are perfect for someone who's neurodivergent(she's probably neurodivergent herself). She's VERY direct. You always know what you're gonna get from her. I'd be refreshing, especially after that awkward 'just became friends' stage.

Also Shenhe's like. One of the best bodyguards you could have, in any context. She's SUPER strong and quick, and she, technically, can follow you anywhere. Unlike Ganyu and Cyno(Who have high maintenance jobs) or Xiao(Who has a certain duty stopping him from leaving), there isn't anything keeping her in Liyue. I guess there's the chance of her red ropes breaking...but that's something she's been working hard on since she met the traveler. It's something she can work on with you. Plus, traveling with a partner might be good, for both the you and Shenhe. You get a friend who can protect you, and she also gets afriend, and crowd exposure therapy. Win-win honestly.

I might have put to much effort into this, but I need to talk about Shenhe and your ask box was closed. Your work is amazing by the way! It never fails to make me laugh or smile, so keep it up! You're doing great!

GORGEOUS GORGEOUS WRITING ABOUT GORGEOUS GORGEOUS WOMEN ✨️💙

I love this, tho admittedly im head over heels for any neurodivergent content in sagau/genshin ever <33

THANKS FOR BLESSING MY EYES FIRST WITH THIS, it was an amazing read

You guys are always welcome to send in writing blurbs or any brainrot ur having, I love to hear it!! /gen :)

Btw, if ur wondering where ive been for the past week or so, ive been working on the one shot for Eldritch AU!

☆

⚠️WARNING talk of Covid/Sickness below!⚠️

...that and I got Covid 💀

My roommate brought it back with them when they came home,, last friday? I think

And i ended up getting a nasty fever on and off for 2 days straight

Im almost recovered now! Just a stuffy nose and no taste buds :'(

Which has been the most upsetting part i can BARELY taste anything

My sense of taste yesterday was the most there its been since i got knocked out last week, and even then it was at 1/4 rlly of the way there

Now im back to eating textures 😭

Been like this for 4 days now that im doing better/more cleared up its so unfair D;

Anyway, srry abt the complaining, just wanted to let u guys know whats up!!

Let me know if u got any getting taste back tricks 🥲

THANK U AGAIN FOR THIS.

Im serious this made my day to see <3333 😭

☆

Safe Travels Sleepy,

💀♒️

tbh i thought abt tagging beloveds so they could see this, but i didnt write it so i didnt wanna tag lmao

[centrally-unplanned]

I played Needy Streamer Overload, which was a lot of fun, with an asterisk. NSO is a Lifesim Management game for a batshit up-and-coming streamer, where you as her 'boyfriend' allocate her time between streaming, resting, and content inspiration/development to hit 1 million followers. The writing is very on point for actual streams culture;the topics and comments and all that are very true-to-life, while its zany edgecore presentation is hilarious. And the UI is full kino:

Vibes - and also, spoilers, not just a cutesy aesthetic, as the player is not in fact a real person so the digital viewport is ludonarratively cohesive, +1 point.

However, it also pissed me off for specific me reasons!

So, these games tend to go into two buckets. One is the engine builder - managing the lifesim is both involved and The Point of the game. You work hard to optimize and achieve the goal. The second is narrative device - the lifesim elements are more about narrative choice than challenge, and either can't be failed or are trivially cleared. You approach playing those 2 game types differently.

NSO presents itself like the former - its mechanics are pretty involved. Managing Followers, Stress, Affection, & Mental Darkness, all on a clock, while unlocking ~10 different streaming content topic progression trees, its a lot to track. Not saying its crazy hard or anything, but its what you spend your time doing. You will be asking yourself questions like "yes I could have sex with her for the third time this week to lower stress and boost affection so I can burn that affect buildup on the Sexy Stream lvl 2 to sync my highest topic bonus with my streaming streak bonus before I need to end it for a rest cycle, but I can only play that card so many times, is day 13 too early?". That is fun, and where your focus lies. On my first playthrough I tried to hit the 1 million target, barely succeeded, but burned out Ame's stats so much I got a short, pretty-much-failed ending.

So on my second playthrough I tinkered around and stumbled on a soft infinity engine, where I could push Ame's stress to the limit in the opening days to get her follower count to the point where she would unlock "follower milestone celebration" streams that I could bank, that did not increase stress but would count towards a streaming-every-day streak bonus, and never take a rest day to get that bonus insanely high. I got several million followers with low stress, low darkness, I thought I did a good job.

And I got a short, pretty-much-failed ending.

Turns out this game has 30 endings, and the lions share of the long, involved ones are from you completely fucking up. You will get a way more interesting ending if you make Ame-chan overdose on LSD and she trips her way into breaking though the illusion of the internet. You want to raise her darkness high as hell for half of them. You can found a cult, you can induce all sorts of violence against her or others, whatever you want. But the game didn't tell me!!

It instead presented me with a solid optimization puzzle, which I spent like 10 hours doing. I shouldn't have bothered! It doesn't really tell this partially for surprise, but if we are being honest its because they expect you to google it, and they expect you to watch streamers unlock 25 of them after you do 5. Which is how modern games are made, but personally I don't love relying on that. I do think games are at their best when they self-teach a player the right way to engage with it.

But I respect that some people would see the discarded scraps of a tryhard faildaughter that is Ame-chan and immediately push her into doing conspiracy theory streams while smoking weed. I am just not someone you can plunk an engine in front of and expect me not to try to tinker with it. This is 50% on me.

[ofdragonsdeep]

2: Horizon

Where the sky and sea meet.

(technically spoilers for the very very first quest of Dawntrail)

Preparations for the trip had taken a long time.

Ships did not often sail to Tural, even though they were tentatively more open to trade than before. On top of that, the unusual nature of their party made negotiating fare a difficult prospect.

Krile had very patiently dealt with a number of ship captains who were not, despite their assurances, ready for the bulk of Stoh Oosh. While she was quite content to fly when the sun was up, the night demanded a place to rest, and the decks of many of the little merchant vessels simply couldn't hold her. That was the line for many of the captains, but after that, Krile also had to ensure they could get Haurchefant and his wheelchair up on to the deck, despite his assurances that he would be able to manage.

Ar'telan, who knew very little about money and the price such services might demand, had steered well clear of the whole thing. All he knew was that, by the time they boarded the ship, Krile was already exhausted, and Wuk Lamat was incredibly antsy to be off.

It was a little strong to say that Ar'telan hated ships, but he was not overly fond of them. Ever since his first ill-fated trip from Meracydia, it seemed that every boat he set foot on wanted to take him into one terrible situation or another. He could count on one hand the normal boat rides he had taken - and even then, on some of them he had been subject to some very unorthodox visits.

He sat on the deck, back to one of the masts, trying to keep his distance from the footfall of the sailors working on the rigging. He looked out to sea, and fancied he could feel the air get a little warmer. He hadn't been anywhere with a climate close to Meracydia's - even the South Sea Isles only came close. The bottom of Tural, if the maps he had been shown were accurate, would be similar, but they were headed to the middle for the start of Wuk Lamat's succession bid.

He did not want to be here.

"The morose look doesn't suit you, Ar'telan."

Mitron sat beside him, not even asking if he could. That was fairly normal for him, to be fair, so Ar'telan did not protest.

"I have things on my mind, that's all."

Mitron followed his gaze out, the sea stretching on. There was nothing to see, of course - they were far past land by now, and it would be some days yet before they approached Tural. Mitron, of course, had not come to help Wuk Lamat with her problem. He had come for the fishing, and the incredibly important job of moral support.

"You don't do well when they give you breaks, do you?" he said, an amused tone in his voice. "It'll be fine." He glanced over to Wuk Lamat, who was leaning over the side of the boat and completely failing to hide the nausea. "Probably." Ar'telan grimaced.

"It's not about that. I don't really know enough to worry about that yet, to be honest," he confessed. "I'm just… homesick." Mitron made a thoughtful noise under his breath at that.

"I don't think anyone would complain if you went home, you know," he said. Ar'telan shook his head.

"It's… complicated. It feels too final."

Mitron's eyes travelled from the sky to the dragons. Stoh Oosh was rippling through the water below them, but Orn Mahr and Moh Rhei were both at the prow of the ship, enjoying the winds.

"Yeah. I can imagine."

There was a silence between them then, but it wasn't strained. The sound of the wind and the shouts of the sailors at work rang out on either side, and Ar'telan let himself think.

Meracydia would not hate him for what he had been party to. Tiamat knew. Midgardsormr knew. Vrtra knew. The layers of pain that made up what had become of Nidhogg were complex, and he could not articulate it to his fellow mortals well enough for them to forgive the crime. But the dragons did, even if he didn't think they should have.

Perhaps that was it. He didn't think they should have.

It had been so long ago now that the pain had faded, but it had been so hard. He had heard the judgement in Hraesvelgr's voice, the fact that it was the fault of mortals that Nidhogg had to be stopped at all. That even though Midgardsormr had seen it for what it was, it still hurt.

He had wrung a promise from Estinien that he would not kill Nidhogg, and in the end, it had been false. Ysayle had fallen into a despair that matched Hraesvelgr's for so long that he had worried she would never rouse from it. He had eked ilm by painful ilm across the war-scarred fields of Coerthas so desperately never harming a dragon, and then they had faced Tioman on the mount.

It is like Tempering, they had said.

But it was not.

And even if the dragons had forgiven him, he had never forgiven himself.

All of his life he had held in his heart that there was nothing more sacrosanct than the life of a dragon. It was the epitome of Allag's evil - to kill Bahamut, to drive the others to desperate summoning, to damn all but a few to the Tempering. To trap his twisted idol in perpetual agony. He had all but wept when he had found the engine of prayer in the heart of Dalamud's workings. And there he was, on what had once been Allagan soil, commiting once more the sins of Allag.

To go home with it weighing on him felt like a betrayal of his people. And even if he could make peace with it, Meracydia would not feel the same as it had when he had left. He had changed too much now. He had been a fire keeper, a potwatch, the one who wrangled unruly kits. And now he was a godslayer.

He hadn't wanted any of it. But nobody in his position had ever asked for it.

"You know, I think it'll be good for everyone here," Mitron remarked. "A real adventure, you know? I'm not sure any of your little team have had the chance for one in a while." Ar'telan considered the statement.

"It would be nice to explore without the fate of the world on my head," he agreed. Mitron smiled at that, eyes on the sea once more.

"It'll do that stuffy elf- elezen, sorry, still got the First in my head - some good to see new places," he added. Ar'telan made an amused noise.

"Of all the elezen to call that, I'm not sure Haurchefant is the one you want," he replied. "But you're right. Maybe I'll call it an adventure."

"Just don't forget to call me if the fishing is good," Mitron said, a cheeky grin on his face.

"I would never forget."

[ocular-intercourse]

The historian ones sound like gyo, but I'm really into Finn these days... but I'm not so cruel to say all the questions, so I'll let you pick :)))

no. 5: letters between two of your OC’s companions about them

(i used a random nr generator cause i need it selected for me or i won't ever finish it lol)

or in this case, messages between shawn & randy about finn, who's streaming a concert of some songs he and his friends wrote in highschool over twitch

R: DUUDE ARE YOU WATCHING TJIS??

S: watching what

R: finn's stream

R: ?

S: hang on

R: you good?

S: watching now

S: hey what the fuck

R: yeahc

R: like

R: one of the first things you ever told me about finn was to not let him do vocals for the band or i'd be out of a job

R: i get it now, you weren't joking even a little

S: yeah no he's GOOD good, i had the pleasure of hearing him sing all the time when we were dating but man

S: wasn't prepared for that uh

S: presence? but also i'm biased so maybe that's just me

R: heh yeah scale of 1 to 10 how much does it kill you seeing him like this

R: not just you btw he's like.. fucking magnetic on a stage, it's wild to see

S: oh yeah, 10, easy

S: you know i was already head over heels for the guy before he became

S: you know, all that

R: rich? quasi famous?

S: ripped

R: oh yeah, that

S: no but seriously, like.. even more charismatic? like damn, a fulfilling career really does that huh

S: i mean i'm happy he still talks to me after everything but it's legit torture sometimes when he's, like, right there

R: you know you could totally get him back

S: bullshit

R: nah i'm setious

R: serious

R: i have reliable sources

S: randy don't fuck withme on this istg

R: i'm not, dude, i swear, i know everybody is all pussyfooting around the topic but

R: everybody can see how in love the two of you still are anytime ypu are in a room together and it's not even subtle

R: and i haven't seen either of you ever look at anybody else like that

R: no offense to connor, my dude, but it's pretty obvious it's like.. not the same

R: like you guys, when you were together, you legit made me believe in love and shit cause i've never seen two people so desperately in love with each other before in a way that's not like.. instagram filter fsbricated bullshit

R: and maybe i just wanna see two of my best friends be that happy again you know, but fuck, it legit seems like.. a cosmic error, like thats just not how it should be, when you're not together, you know?

R: ?

R: did the stream finally kill you or..?

R: okay fine, fucking stew in it for a while you know i'm right

S: you don't know shit

R: oh he lives

S: it's not that simple, man

R: how so? cause you have a bf? ppl break up all the time dude

S: oh yeah, and that always goes SO smoothly

S: but that's not even the point man

S: i hurt him. bad. when he left he made it very clear he never wanted to see me again, and for good reason too

S: so maybe he took that back by now but i'm still fucking lucky he wants to talk to me at all

S: there's just so much baggage

S: i doubt he'd want to go through all of that again

S: especially now where he can just basically have his pick

R: yeah he doesn't, though, have you noticed? not a date in sight

S: he's busy..

R: he's pining. for you, you walnut, he's so not over you and it's been what, like 2 years? 3?

S: if anything that's a sign of just how badly i messed him up, fuck man

R: shawn, i love you but my god

R: finn is not the kind of person to play nice when he does not mean to and yet anytime i see you guys together you are practically glued together in some corner making hearteyes at each other in a thinly veiled attempt of friendship

R: you know what, i fucking bet i could have this chat with him and he'd simultaneously tell me about how he still loves you but he'd hurt you too much and you deserve better

R: and you're just gonna be stuck in a circlejerk of who of you can shoulder more unnecessary guilt forever and ever

R: OR

R: you could just listen to me when i tell you i have it on GOOD AUTHORITY that the man is still in love with you

S: wait hang on

S: you mean that literally?

S: who's authority

R: :)

S: randy i swear to fucking god you cannot mess with me about this

R: okay listen

R: i'm breaking confidence here but man somebody's gotta

R: he's too scared of messing things up again and you know how much he loves to feel responsible for just about every bad thing that has ever happened around him

R: so he isn't gonna act cause he doesn't think he deserves to disrupt your live anymore not now that your're like, clean or whatever, you know, doing good

R: cause in his mind maybe that's cause he's not been part of your life idk man you know how he gets

R: but legitimately, we were talking about tthe possibility of dating again

R: and he said

R: that he had a hard time dating cause whenever he tries to picture being with someone to try and figure out what he'd even be looking for

R: he pictures being with you

R: and that'd not be super fair to the people he'd be dating i guess, so he just doesn't

R: so there's that

R: processing again i see

R: it's okay take your time

S: that makes no sense

S: like

R: okay before you go all: how could he still want me, consider that your brain is just as fucked as his with this self flaggelation bullshit

R: have you ever given it a thought that he did not actually WANT to leave you when he did? like he wasn't unhappy about being with you

R: the circumstance made him leave to like, protect himself, but that was not about being with you in general, it's not like he fell out of love or whatever makes ppl break up usually

R: i think he still hasn't

S: oh

R: yeah, oh

R: now go do something about it, dipshit

[binarybreak]

Hey all! Just wanted to say:

1) The season two premier was such a fantastic way to develop both interest and intrigue in the new season, I was so stoked, you all did a fantastic job making me (I can't speak for the rest of your audience) invested in these characters, the mystery of what happened to Team Baby, and what happens next. I completely understand your monthly release schedule (it's a tremendously impressive accomplishment, especially considering this is a fan project made by people who, I'm sure, have plenty else going on in their lives,) and I'd never be like "okay guys, hurry it up," but I will say that I'm very anxious to hear the next episode!

2) I'm reading over the rules for Digidice, and I just have one question: am I missing something, or is there no mechanical difference between the Tired condition and the Sick condition? Like obviously you'd play them differently as a character, but they're essentially the same thing rules wise?

3) Are there any plans for developing a bestiary/monster manual type of thing? Like obviously fans already know all the classic Digimon and are more than willing to run with fakemons so you wouldn't need pictures or lore, I'm just concerned about the poor DMs needing to come up with stat blocks for NPCs on the fly when things go off the rail. To be clear, I'm not asking you to make one, I was just thinking I might have fun making one, but I didn't want to bother if there's already one in the works

4.) I have tried actual play after actual play podcast. The first podcast I ever listened to was TAZ*, and since I loved it so much I scoured the genre for any more content I would like. You are the first actual play since TAZ to actually catch and hold my attention. I don't know what it is about you other than a simple matter of personal taste, but you are rocking it. Thank you for making this show

*Unless it was Ars Paridoxica. Definitely one of those two

1. Thank you! Trust me, I am also eager to get to the next part of the story. If I could do this show as my full-time job, and release a new episode every week, I absolutely would.

2. Yeah, currently they're just two different flavors of the same condition. Played different ways and cured in different ways. The condition system is something I'm probably gonna totally overhaul if I ever do a second edition.

3. At some point, we will probably release Digidice stats for all of the digimon that appear in Binary Break (canon and original). Might also stat out a fair chunk of the most popular canon digimon who don't appear in the show, just as a resource for other GMs, and cause making digimon in that system is legitimately fun for me. In the meantime, feel free to stat out as many canon digi as you wish. Some folks on my Discord server were recently discussing the possibility of a sorta collaborative project to make something along those lines, but right now it's just in the "wouldn't it be cool if" phase.

4. That is some wonderfully high praise. It really means the world to me to hear you say that. So far the reaction to the season 2 premiere has been just lovely. Thank you so much for sharing this with us. 💜

- Claire

[sweetflanfiction]

Second Chances - Part 6

Universe: Read Dead Redemption 2

Pairing: Arthur x reader

Disclaimers and Warnings: If you want me to tag you on the chapters let me know! Also leave a comment with your thoughts :D Not finished, not proofread. English isn't my 1st language. All I know about 1899 is from google, so inacuracies will be plenty. The reader is on the older side, and identifies as a female. Beautifull gif from @insomniaeon

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5

• ··········· • ············ •

Arthur shrugged but kept quiet, stroking Dusk's neck gently. You noticed his discomfort and cleared your throat.

"Right. Well, we need to hitch that mule to the stable..." You glanced at the runaway horse limping around the horse pen. "Make sure he doesn't do any more prison breaks for the time being. You two lovely people stayin' for lunch? I think it's about time for that."

"No my dear, we just came back with your father to get him up to date on that cattle job and we're off. Mr. Brant has some people to see in town." Mrs. Brant smiled.

"Alright then, do your business. Make sure to write everything Mr. Brant tells you, Mr. Graham." You laughed at your father, as he tipped his hat to you.

"Yes, ma'am. Let me get my finest pen and my best paper."

You shriveled your face at him in a cheeky smile, scrunching your nose and narrowing your eyes. Mentioning Arthur to follow, you two walked back to the horses.

The stable shade was a welcome relief. Being out there in the woods may have helped with the rising sun. However, it was still hot and damp, whilst in the stable it was cooler and breezier, even if it was smellier. You sighed in satisfaction, and stood still for a second, between the two big, open stable doors opposite each other. You noticed Arthur leading the limping horse by the reins.

"You mind if I take a look at him?" he inquired, standing close to you, his attention still on the horse.

You were taken aback by the closeness, noting that, if need be, he could be a very intimidating presence. Still, he wasn't threatening you at least.

Nodding you lead Gray and Dusk to their boxes, gifting them with a small bucket of apples and carrots. While Dusk was distracted by the treats you started to brush his black fur, watching Arthur's ministrations to the other horse. 

He hitched the horse to a nail on the door where buckets sometimes hung and mumbled unintelligible words to the big creature. He placed a hand on the horse's nozzle, and the beast calmed down from his stressful state. Getting closer to the horse Arthur's hand skimmed over his neck and body, pausing to go down the front leg, feeling the muscles.

It felt like the world was silent for a while, focused on the interaction between this free-spirited horse and the cowboy. Even Mac, who was about to run over barking happily towards you, slowed down and lowered his head. He tried to get to Dusk's box without sound.

You finished brushing your horse and slowly walked to the middle of the stables, where the quiet inspection was taking place. You placed the brush on top of a crater and sat down on a bucket, Mac sitting at your feet.

He still muttered something to the horse every time the animal fussed. At one point you heard him whisper something along the lines of "you're a good boy aren't you?" and your suspicions that Arthur was mumbling sweet nothings to the creature were confirmed. You chuckled and kept watching. The lull of the horse's soft whines and his voice almost put you to sleep.

"Was he shot?" Arthur's booming voice made you jump, which caused you to fall from the bucket. "Shit…"

He walked towards you and gave you a hand which you took and got up. You shook your head to clear it and looked up at him, noticing his hand in your arm keeping you steady.

"Hum? What?"

"Was the horse shot?" He asked again, letting go of your arm and walking to the horse.

"Oh…yes." You took a deep breath and followed him, knowing where he was taking you. "His last owner decided that the sprain was enough to shoot him."

Arthur passed his hand again to the spot on the horse's neck, near the mane, where there was a small bump.

"Was the man blind?" Arthur asked, in an acidic tone you hadn't heard. 

"No, just young and stupid."

The spot where the guy shot the horse was mostly non-life threatening. Mostly muscle. Mostly painful.

"You know the feller?" Arthur asked and you nodded.

"General Store owner's son. Edward Murray. Got the horse for his birthday, got carried away on a drunken night, toppled over and then decided to shoot the poor beast…" You explained and Arthur looked on at the black and brown horse. "Jeremiah Everston, the older of the Everston kids, was with him…came running to the ranch after knocking the Murray kid out. It took me and Pa 4 hours to get him to the stable and keep him alive."

"The kid?" 

"The horse…screw the kid…" you said but regretted it after "I mean, he was fine...the kid…just drunk with a broken nose."

"How come he doesn't have a name yet?"

“He had a name when he got here, but…” You shook your head, making a face.

"But?...Come on…what was it?”

“Darlin’” You spat. 

“What?” He raised an eyebrow, his head jerking towards you.

“His name is Darling."

Arthur blinked a few times, looking at you, the horse, and then back at you. He turned down his face, trying to hide a chuckle but you saw his chest move and smiled as well.

“Told you." You laughed. “So, what’s the verdict?”

“Well,” his face turned serious again. “It’s what everyone thinks. It seems like a sprain on his hind leg. He needs to rest, but…”

“Go on…” You urged him to give his own opinion, trying to get him comfortable.

“I don’t think keeping him locked inside the stables will help him here.” He touched the horse's head, between the ears and you understood what he meant.

“We can try and let him out of the pen, but only under supervision. He’ll run away right quick.” You closed the distance to the horse and patted him on the neck as well. 

“I can take him out, in the morning, around the pen and even outside. Before the work begins.” He mumbled, not sure about his words but letting them out all the same.

You had told him before that he could run with the horse he had. While the offer was still valid, it would definitely be more of a loss if he ran away with this horse. First of all, he wouldn’t travel far, and that would mean he'd return at some point. You were told you had a saintly patience, but it only stretched to second chances. The third time it’s on him. But you had trusted him up until this point and he had lived up to your expectations so…

"Alright...I will let my father know. You know where the saddles are and where the lasso is.” You pointed at the things while walking away. “I have to get some food goin’ otherwise the old man will get cranky, but he’ll be with you shortly I’m sure. Otherwise just brush the horses and feed them.” 

He nodded back at you, heading to the brushes and saddles, and you smiled. 

“Oh and Mr. Callahan. If you still want to leave, you can. Just…” You took a deep breath, letting out your thoughts. “Don’t take him. Gray is faster and healthier. Let this one stay and get better, will you?"

He blinked at you, his expression blank with a hint of surprise. It was over soon, and he nodded.

“Don't worry. I won't.”

Whether he meant he wouldn't leave or wouldn't take the horse was left up in the air.

• ··········· • ············ •

@photo1030 :: @sylum :: @marislittlereadingcorner :: @rratman ::@clevergirl74

[evendumbo]

on media literacy, shipping, and Ted Lasso...

This post was helpful to learn Hannah's more nuanced thoughts about Ted & Rebecca. I put the quotes in a word doc for people who can't see the words.

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The T&R discourse is all over the place and I'm realizing that there needs to be a hard distinction between:

1) Ted & Rebecca as endgame (profess mutual romantic love, live happily ever after), and

2) Ted feeling romantic love for Rebecca and that truth is made clear to the audience through the writing, Rebecca's feelings are ambiguous-soulmate, and the characters are not necessarily endgame.

I had hoped for option 1. I reasonably thought the red bottom shoes were the clearest sign that Rebecca was going to Kansas, and I think the writers intended for me to think that. But the show also has a clear thread of melancholy and I wouldn't have been surprised if endgame was not in the cards. (I was also haunted by the reference to Once in the Christmas episode...)

So, as co-creator, Brendan Hunt, says, there was no enthusiasm in the writers' room for option 1. But option 2 is right there. Instead of the ambiguous ending that created feelings of confusion and being baited, I wish they had let the reasons for the heartbreak be clearer. Let the audience inside a little more so that the signs could maintain their narrative power and promise. In any other show that wasn't organized like a tight three-season arc that's filled with callbacks and parallels and signs, then ambiguity could be fine. But the way Ted Lasso is uniquely written, clear payoff on the central romantic arc was always going to be crucial and total ambiguity was always going to feel like a set up.

The anti-shippers who argue that there were no narrative signs towards a possible romance are dead wrong, but I agree with them that there was very little explicit romantic heat between Ted and Rebecca throughout the show. (I can't think of any except maybe Ted's "body language" during the gala and apology embraces.) I was hoping the story would get there given the signs and the narrative arc, but it never happened. So we're arguing about "media literacy" using different evidence, and I believe that signs are the stronger evidence given their specificity. We can all see that Ted Lasso is baking cookies so he can give them to Rebecca Welton every damn day, and I think most people can agree that that's at least peculiar. These signs of peculiar behavior and symbols piled up over three years, defining a clear likelihood of a romance in the works. But the case about heat is more subjective, a feel.

I have a friend who is a very respectful anti lolol. I encouraged her to watch the show and, when Ted found the matchbook in his pocket, she texted me "👀", even though she still didn't want it to happen. We had different hopes for the story outcome, but having "media literacy" is literally our jobs 😂 and she absolutely agrees the signs for romance were there and affirms the reasons the shippers are upset. The only difference between us was that, as a devotee to the TL writing approach, I became invested in the signs, and figured the heat would come when it came.

So when it ended, I had two distinct feelings. As a shipper, I was disappointed that option 1 did not come to pass. (ETA: Here's a great article breaking down the reasons for that.) But as a lover of the art of television, I felt a legitimate sense of loss that option 2 also did not come to pass, meaning the narrative signs were never acknowledged, they were just dropped like they didn't mean anything. Signs sometimes not being signs after all is life, sure, but tv shows aren't a realistic representation of life, they are an art form. The abrupt abandonment of their unique approach to writing created unnecessary turmoil in the fandom. This would have been bad enough, but then Brendan (and Hannah a bit as well) unhelpfully poured gas over it 🙄 by refusing to seriously contend with the show's narrative method and, instead, implied shippers (largely women) were making things up. But turns out that shippers are fucking smart and we took that shit seriously, look no further than the detailed gif sets on the tumblr tedbecca tag. Their comments broke trust between the storytellers and their very captive audience (including some media literate non-shippers). Their repeated "soulmates can be platonic" explanation was never in debate, it was always what we were seeing on the screen, the storytelling itself.

So, I'm sad that the project of it all played out the way it did. There's still a part of me that thinks maybe it will come back around someday so that the story can pay off the narrative debts it created, "thunder and lightening," daily homemade biscuits, etc. But it's hard for me to imagine I'd want to come back to the story whether or not that happens. Re-watches have also lost something special.

Maybe with time... 💜