#also I know current strains are much less likely to cause loss of taste and smell but a friend did have that symptom briefly last month

[marzipanandminutiae]

COVID UPDATE

Woke up at 5 AM unable to smell some things. Woke up for real at 8 AM able to smell all of those things with the exception of some Stuffy Nose scent dilution. Now once again unable to smell one previously unsmellable thing- lavender soap -but still able to smell the other unsmellable thing- Japanese Cherry BlossomTM lotion -albeit slightly diminished

can still unequivocally smell: deodorant, perfume, conditioner, bergamot, toast, sweat

suspect this is merely a side effect of stuffy nose since it seems so sporadic and sense of taste remains- knock on wood! -unaltered

[taeescript]

IV. Script of the Angel (m)

𝔰𝔶𝔫𝔬𝔭𝔰𝔦𝔰 >> This is the story of three very different people. A successful novelist, a blossoming artist and a dedicated cop. They seem to have nothing in common. Yet, they are continually drawn to each other. It is as if their fates have been intertwined. Written. That they must meet.

𝔭𝔞𝔦𝔯𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔰 >> ft. jungkook and jimin primarily.

𝔤𝔢𝔫𝔯𝔢 >> policeman!jimin, author!jungkook, painter!reader, serialkiller!XXX; a classic game of cat and mouse

𝔴/𝔠 >> 9.1k

𝔴𝔞𝔯𝔫𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔰 >> mature themes depicted. due to the explicit nature of the topic (serial killers, murders, violence, sexual content, infidelity etc.) this is rated 18+. to spare storytelling: please consider yourself warned. sexual content present. 

𝔞/𝔫 >> another long chapter. sorry! the oc is as opposite to me as day is to night, but i have always enjoyed writing characters who are different. i feel like i’m being challenged to expand my own writing skills. as always, enjoy (: feedback and comments always appreciated. (i am curious: do you prefer long or short chapters?) 

previous part || masterlist || next part 

The taxi arrives much earlier than any of you anticipate. Jungkook is halfway through telling you about the unfortunate event of being kicked out of his rented room when the annoyed-looking driver quickly shoves you both inside. He asks you where you are headed. You lean forward and give him the address of your house. The driver mutters how the drive is less than five minutes away, but he accepts the job nevertheless. “How about you, Sir?” the driver asks Jungkook. Jungkook is at a loss of words until you intercede. “Same place,” you say. Jungkook gives you a confused look. “You said you don’t have any place to stay tonight so I’m extending an offer. Also, sort of like a thank you for finding and staying with me through this storm.” Your words come out much shyer than you had anticipated. He gives you a slight smile. “Are you sure it’s wise for you to invite a stranger to your house?” You blush. “You’re not really a stranger.” “Ah, I’m not? Well I’m a suspect to a murder case.” “No, you’re not! Jimin was only talking to you as a witness.” “A witness? He seemed a little too hostile for that.” As the conversation had carried on, you didn’t notice how close he became until you turned to come face to face with him. The small smile he always has continues to linger on his lips. You pull back and turn to hide the flush on your face that you know for sure is present. Once the heat seems to have left, you glance at him again. He is still regarding you with curiosity. Extending a hand towards him you say, “$10 per night. I’ll be your landlady and you’re renting a room from me.” He laughs and you can’t help but stare with wonder at how white and straight his teeth are.

...

The Body is a miraculous item of study. Inside, we have these little chemical messengers that act on receptors to tell us: wake! At the same time, they tell us: sleep! Just what are these chemical messengers that run around us like tiny men in a sleep-wake factory? First, when we are getting ready to sleep, Melatonin is produced in the pineal gland to send us a message telling us that it is time to enter slumber. Their levels increase as the level of darkness increases. Once our body is asleep, a surge of multiple hormones play a role. You have growth hormone from the pituitary gland telling (a child in particular) to grow and repair tissue; you have antidiuretic hormone (ADH) increasing so we don’t have to get up and pee in the middle of the night; you have oxytocin that may peak at about five hours of sleep influencing the content of our dreams. You wait nervously outside the bathroom door. You had both returned to your house and you had changed into a comfortable pair of sweats and a sleeveless top. Your hair was tied in a bun on your head; your scalp itching to remind you that it had been a while since you washed your hair. However, you had more pressing matters at hand. You had told Jungkook that he was allowed to use the shower first but after drinking one too many cups of water – your throat was so dry – you now desperately needed to use the washroom. The water is still running and you can slightly feel the heat escaping the warm room through the small crack of the door. It was ajar and the smell of your shampoo wafted out to meet your nose. It made you wonder if your shampoo had always been so sweet and inviting. As you are the only resident of the house, there had never been a need for multiple bathrooms and thus your only solution is to patiently wait outside until your guest is finished.  After what felt like five minutes but in actuality five seconds, you take a small peek into the bathroom. The glass shower door has been fogged up and you can only see a very hazy silhouette of its current occupant. If you were to dash in and release everything in your bladder at a fast enough speed, perhaps Jungkook would never notice that you would be in there. Just as long as you moved fast enough. You wanted to weigh the pros and cons of this decision but your bladder would not let your mind concentrate. Before you could control your body, you rush into the bathroom. Everything but the feeling of pleasure from the release of the buildup of pressure in your pelvis is forgotten. You close your eyes and let out a satisfied sigh. When you are finished, you deftly stand and flush the toilet. You momentarily lean over the toilet, reveling in the new weightlessness of your body, when the realization of the scenario you are in hits you. You had just walked into a man showering in your house. Not only that, you had used the toilet while he was washing up (naked) less than a feet away. If you really didn’t get out of the bathroom now, Jungkook would definitely see you in here. If you really didn’t get out of the bathroom now, Jungkook would think you are a peeping tom. If you really didn’t get out of the bathroom now – It is too late, however. You hear his voice from behind you, “Well, this is a surprise.” You turn as slowly as you can. Jungkook stands with the white towel around his waist. He does not look much different than when you had seen him drenched by the rain, but this time you are able to smell the masculine scent of body wash off of him. The first time in the rain, you had been unable to help yourself and glance at his defined abdominal muscles through his soaked shirt, but this time you choose not to peel your eyes away from the sight. The gulp you takes makes its way slowly down your throat. “I needed to use the toilet really badly,” you somehow managed to squeak. He tucks the end of the towel into the side all the while looking at you with a teasing smirk. You do not need to look in the mirror behind you to know the shade your face has turned. “I’ll be going now,” you murmur and turn to leave the room. “Without washing your hands?” he teases you. As if he now is not regarding you as a full out pervert, he probably thought you as unclean as well. You can’t remember what you say in response to that as you shuffle to the sink. The water is warm when it runs out of the faucet. Your mind is unfocused on the task in front of you as you can only think of ways to escape or talk your way out of this situation. “How are you supposed to wash any the germs away if you scrub like that?” You feel his voice vibrate along your back. You immediately tense up when his arms wrap from behind around you. His hands gently take your slimmer hands into his own and together they move through the lathering actions. He pumps the hand soap and his lips become dangerously close to your cheek when he reaches in front. “Clean between each finger and the side of your palm. People often forget to wash the area around the thumb and most of their less dominant hand,” he continues to lecture you. “Just be still,” the plea to your body and mind only being silently voiced out in desperation. There is no extra cloth to wipe your hands dry and so he uses the towel around his waist instead. Each action he does only made you become ever more anxious and self-conscious. When he seemed satisfied with you, he lets you walk away. You will your legs to maintain its strength as you take the steps needed to exit the small steamy room. You are stopped again when he says, “Are you always so innocent?” There is a part of you that wants to turn to look at him, but another part warns you that if you do, a larger temptation will face you. He strolls to stand before you. His eyes slowly make their way from your toes to the top of your forehead; then his gaze holds you steadily in place. You swallow again under his scrutiny. Taking a step towards you, he slides a finger under the strap of you tank top. The simple action makes you shiver. “Tell me, how long have you been living alone?” Your mind tells you not to answer him. What are you doing anyways? Just an hour ago you were thinking about Baekhyun and now you are being consumed by Jungkook. “How long has it been since you’ve been… touched?” his question comes out barely above a whisper – that is how close he is to you now. “I shouldn’t – ” you words are suffocated by his kiss. His lips mold until they wrap around yours. Your eyes squeeze shut, and you fall into him with such speed that it scares you. You feel both dread and thrill in your stomach. He tastes warm, that is the only thing your mind is capable of detecting. Other than that, your brain can not function and you feel yourself shiver in his embrace. You wonder if he has his eyes closed as well or if he was looking at you. Perhaps if you opened your eyes you would have an answer to your question yet you felt afraid of doing so. He pulls you waist closer to him and the dew on his chest seeps through your thin top. His skin is warm, but the now-cold water causes your nipples to become erect. He can feel them straining through the top, but rather than having his hand rise up to meet it, he slides his hand deeper into your pants. Your body tenses up at the invasion. “Relax,” the single word slurs as they are passed between your lips. The suggestion comes in the form of a command and your body strangely listens. With his hand, he forcefully grips the left cheek of your behind and roughly presses you lower body into his. The simultaneous sensation of pleasure and pain runs through your body. His other free hand brushes the nape of you neck. Your hands act of their own accord, and you find them running through his hair, all the while as he tugs on your lips; all the while that you become wrapped in his embrace. Your fingers become brushed with water, and you draw a wet finger down the middle of his back. It is his moan you hear this time, and the thrill rushes through your body again. For the next few moments, the two of you are captivated with exploring each other’s body. You think that he is about to lift your shirt off when instead his hand slips through the barrier created by your underwear. You freeze again. His lips leave yours and trace a pathway until he stands behind you, and your back is pressed tightly against his torso. All the while, his hand makes a crawling rotation until they rest on you lower abdominal. You place a shaking hand on top of this. You don’t even notice that your fingers have become icy cold. “Trust me,” he whispers into your ear. His voice is so low that you mind barely registers what he has said. You heart rises in speed in proportion to his hand that moves out from beneath yours and continually slides downward.

...

You wake with a beating heart. Your eyes fly open, and they are greeted with the plastic glow-in-the-dark stars you had placed on your ceiling. It had been a dream. Your breathing fights to become regular again, but the more you think about what you had awoken from, the more it loses in its battle. You know it is all a dream, but why was it then that you still feel the pressure on you lower abdominal? With a crack, your mind finally reels out of its stupor and a new burn in your stomach causes you to flush again. The act of sex is not foreign to you. You had given that away to Baekhyun the night you realized you were truly in love with him – the night he had proposed to you. But that had happened a long time ago and since his disappearance, you had never given yourself to another man. The thought had never even passed through you. So why was it that you had these thoughts now? Towards a man that you had only just met? Also, how was it that he could make you do something like this? Your hand slides out from your underwear and the band’s near soundless snap practically hands you its embarrassing reality on a gold platter. You couldn’t even remember the last time you had touched yourself. The concept was always too taboo and awkward for you to embrace. You were also not a person that became aroused by sexual thoughts, yet a simple dream had made you lose control of your body. You wiped your hands on the bedsheets, and turn onto your side in bed so you would no longer feel the pressure of gravity on your already tense body. Jeon Jungkook. You only invited him at the spur of the moment. You had both returned home and wordlessly showered and got into bed. You had offered to make a simple meal but he had kindly rejected telling you that he was too tired. He had also jokingly told you not to worry about breakfast tomorrow as it was the least he could do in return for letting him sleep at your place. Continuing on, you told him that he was allowed to use your bedroom so he would be more comfortable but he had patted your small sofa instead. He always carried a pillow with him and told you he could fall asleep anywhere as long as he had it with him. You squeeze your eyes shut. Why? What was this? Who is this man that has barged into your safe house?

More importantly, what is he doing to you? You curl into a tighter ball and press your thighs closer together.

...

The scent of sweet in combination to savory fills your nose and sends a chill through your body. Your eyes remain closed, still infused with slumber but you bring the blanket closer to you. A small breeze sends another intoxicating spiral towards your nose. It smells like pancakes. Perhaps with a thick layer of maple syrup and a cube of butter. There is also something that reminds you of salt – bacon. Sizzling, warm, crunchy bacon. The distinct aroma of coffee is blended in there as well. Your curiosity gets the better of you and you open your eyes. You yelp. Jungkook nearly tips the coffee cup onto your drawer when the sound suddenly occurs. He looks down and sees your wide eyes staring up at him. He meets them but you quickly shift your pupils. You look… nervous. Seeing the unexpected visitor makes you remember the events of last night. Your palms start to sweat and you only draw the covers closer to your chest while sitting up. The corner of the sheet dips past your shoulder and he catches the flash of smooth skin. “Sorry to wake you,” he scratches his jaw embarrassedly, “I saw you were asleep and I promised breakfast. I thought I’d try to quietly slip in and leave it by your bedside.” You eye the said meal on your drawer and note that your nose had not lied to you. “It’s okay,” you try to say. However, your voice is groggy with sleep and so you clear it once. “It’s okay,” you say clearer this time, “But you really didn’t have to.” “It’s nothing. I’m an early riser anyways.” He makes a motion to leave. “Wait,” you call after him. He turns back to look at you. His gaze is piercing and the strange flush that never failed to make an appearance returns. “I’ll join you outside,” you tell him. Smiling, he nods. “I’ll see you soon, then.”

...

When you had left, Jimin had sat down at his desk feeling extremely dejected. He was supposed to protect you and make sure you never shed another tear. That was his promise to his best friend. Yet here he is, as the cause of your pain once again.

“Sir, the files you had requested.” Yoongi knocks on his door. As the youngest detective on the team, he is often coerced into doing the grunt work. But his tenacious and hard-working attitude gave him rise on Jimin’s list of people he respected. Jimin tilts his head to peer above the top of his cluttered desk. New files had been opened along with the scatter of older yellowing papers. His whiteboard is nearing a grey colour at the amount of times he has written things down and then erased them. Yoongi listens and is about to leave his senior alone but stops at the door. “Sir, if I may, will you allow me to make a comment?” the younger asks solemnly. Jimin turns to regard him. His eyesight blurs and he has to hold onto the corner of the desk to steady himself. Quickly masquerading the moment of weakness, he coughs and stands straight again. “You haven’t left the station in three days. You sleep at the desk and your back is in so much pain you shuffle to get coffee. It smells of Chinese take-out and stale pizza in here with another strange concoction of coffee and sweat.” Jimin raises an eyebrow at him. Yoongi clears his throat but does not waver in telling Jimin his mind. “Go home, Sir. You need some rest. The case will still be here when you return. It’ll also be of benefit when you return with refreshed eyes and mind.” Yoongi stands still all the while looking forward. From the corner of his eyes, he sees Jimin walking towards him. His mouth starts to become dry knowing the harsh words he will hear from the his senior for speaking out of place.

Jimin tiredly places a hand on Yoongi’s shoulder. Yoongi rotates his head in surprise. Sighing, he says, “You’re right. My body is on the verge of breaking down.” He sniffs once. “And I do smell like shit.” 

Yoongi chuckles, both out of nervousness and relief. 

“I’m leaving the team in your hands then,” Jimin grabs his jacket from the coat hanger. 

“Me?” Yoongi says astonished, “What about Lieutenant Namjoon?” 

The laugh draws more strength from Jimin’s lungs than he anticipates. “I haven’t seen that guy for the past three days in the station, and both you and I know I’ve been living here. You’re young, but I like your attitude. The others like you too.” 

Yoongi cannot help but smile at the praise. He salutes as Jimin walks out the door. “I’ll do my absolute best!”

“I expect nothing less,” Jimin calls out and waves.

...

He had fully intended to walk home, but there are so many thoughts in his head he needed fresh air to wash out the stale one in his lungs and to clear out his mind. 

Sitting at the park just a block away from the station, he takes a small bite of the cookie he picked up from the station’s café. It is sickening sweet and he wonders how he had lived on these cookies when he used to pull all-nighters for previous cases. 

“I knew I’d find you here,” a voice interrupts his quiet. 

Jimin looks up and sees Namjoon smiling at him. Namjoon’s hair is swept back and he is sporting a white polo shirt along with khaki pants. His police jacket is slung over his arm and hides his badge within. At a quick glance, Namjoon looks like any normal civilian enjoying the autumn afternoon. 

“I haven’t seen you in a while,” Jimin lazily greets his friend. 

Namjoon takes a seat beside Jimin. In one hand, he holds a brown paper back and this is what he extends towards Jimin. 

Taking a peek inside, Jimin notes a container that has some type of potato salad along with another stacked container with mixed rice. 

“Youngji told me to pass this to you,” Namjoon answers his unasked question, “We thought you could do without any more of the crappy station café food – full of MSG and sugar.” 

The smiling face of Namjoon’s soon-to-be wife enters Jimin’s vision at the mention of her name. The two had recently moved in together and there were days when Jimin felt envious when hearing about Namjoon brag about his fiancée’s skills in the kitchen. 

“Thanks,” Jimin says. 

“I’m not slacking on the job by the way,” Namjoon says.

“You’re not? I don’t recall seeing you in the office for the past couple of days.” 

“I got called into a meeting with the board of directors. They wanted an update on this Angel Killer.” 

“Angel Killer, huh? Quite original.” 

“Not my call on what we name the perps.” 

A lull in the conversation comes to as Jimin caves into the meal set before him. 

“Not a spinach and green bean casserole, I see,” Jimin jokes. 

Namjoon laughs. Starting from a few weeks before, Youngji had gone into a fascination in preparing green foods. The entire floor soon came to understand that Namjoon would be eating the same casserole for his next few meals. 

“I convinced her out of it,” Namjoon says with a grin, “Told her that she already spoils me with all her other cooking.” 

Jimin chuckles along with Namjoon. He digs his fork into the meal before him. The taste of food that did not come from a can is such a welcome sensation to his body he can’t help but sigh.

“Youngji’s a fantastic cook.” 

“One of the best.” 

“Well, here’s to you forever gaining weight.”

Namjoon comically nods and rubs his belly. 

“Well, Y/N’s a pretty good cook too. The pasta looked delicious the other day.”

At the mention of your name, Jimin falls quiet. 

“You know, I understand you better than you think. That look you have, Jimin. I can see that the case isn’t the only reason you’ve been trying to keep yourself busy and inside the station. We all saw Y/N leaving the station the other day.” 

“I guess that also means you all saw how upset I made her.” 

Namjoon takes an inhale followed by a slow exhale. “Stop me if I’m prying too much, but what happened?” 

Jimin takes an even deeper sigh. “She found out that I’m still looking into Baekhyun’s cases after all these years.” 

“Ah,” was Namjoon’s simple response. 

“I mean, I’m not doing anything wrong, am I? The reason I’ve never given up on finding the truth is to find some closure for myself. For her… For the both of us.” 

Jimin means the words he says, but when he hears them from his own mouth, it feels strange. 

“Well… what if closure for you doesn’t have the same definition for her?” 

Namjoon’s comment make Jimin tilt his head in confusion. “What do you mean?” he asks. 

Namjoon stretches out his legs in front of him. The park has quieted down as most of its visitors have returned to work after their lunch break. Only a couple of people still remain, but they are scattered so far around the park that none of their faces could be made out. 

“Closure for Park Jimin means to discover the truth. Closure for Y/N might be simply to accept that her fiancé’s gone. She was in so much pain when he disappeared and it took her forever to even leave the house. Her first steps out were because of you. The reason she has the strength to move on today is because you’ve constantly been by her side. Maybe the reason she’s been able to accept that Baekhyun’s no longer with her is because she sees that you’ve accepted it as well.” 

“She saw the files that indicate that perhaps Baekhyun was murdered.” 

Namjoon’s next sentence becomes lodged in his throat. He closes his mouth then opens it again but only to have it return to its previous state. At last when he finally finds what he wants, he says, “That complicates things, doesn’t it?” 

Jimin closes the food container and returns it back into the bag. In the time they had been talking, he found that he had lost his appetite. His two thumbs press against the sides of his temple and gently massage it in circles. 

Everybody knows how much Jimin cares for you; some even think that the extent of it is due to Jimin’s secret crush on you. But Namjoon knows the reason why. He can’t help but look at his colleague and friend with sadness. An ancient promise that causes anguish to those in its pact. 

Placing a warm hand on Jimin’s back, Namjoon leaves it there for comfort. “Is that what you believe? That Baekhyun is gone because he was murdered?” 

Jimin shakes his head. As if the thoughts in his brain could not get any more complicated, the simple question makes things worse. “I don’t know, Namjoon. I have absolutely no idea. I’ve been working this case for years now, but everything always comes up to a dead end. A part of me wants to believe that Baekhyun simply decided to walk out of his old life to start a new one and he’s alive somewhere out there. Yet another part, the detective part, can’t ignore the knowledge that maybe something bad did happen to him that night. That’s why he never returned.” 

“Did you uncover anything new?” 

“No. Not for that case.” 

Namjoon doesn’t say a word. He can sense something else in Jimin’s tone. He is unable to tell if Jimin says what is on his mind as the conversation is redirected. 

“What did the directors say about Sara Michel’s case? I’m assuming that’s why you went to meet with them.” 

This time it is Namjoon’s turn to furrow his brows. Namjoon had never truly wanted to become Lieutenant. Jimin knew that Namjoon had been offered the position because he first had turned down the offer. Namjoon never expressed any bitterness about it; no, instead he had said he had been thankful. Namjoon had always said how he wanted to become Lieutenant before asking Youngji’s hand in marriage. When they spoke, the only frustration Namjoon ever expressed was the unexpected amount of responsibilities that came with this new position.  

“They want to know if we have any new leads. As they say, if we don’t have anything by 24 hours, the case is as good as gone. If there really isn’t anything then they want us to wrap it up. File it as another unsolved case and focus on the new big project: the whole deal we’ve been working over at with the Narcotics Team.” 

“The drug related gang suicides, right?” 

“Yeah.”

“We can send a couple of guys over.”

“That’s the thing though. The Board doesn’t want a few guys. They want the entire team on board. Agent Hoseok’s barely keeping above the waves with this one. HR is breathing down his neck as apparently, some well-known powerful figure’s gone missing because of this.” 

“Guilty?” 

“Likely, but since he’s clearly an influential guy, the Missing Person’s unit might be dragged into it as well. His lawyers have also been stalking out at the station in case anything does come up. It’s going to set the whole station into turmoil.” 

Politics. Jimin hated it all. If someone was guilty, he believed that they should see the justice they deserved. 

“So what should I say to them?” 

“Huh?” 

“The Board. You’re the one who’s worked the Sara Michel case the most. What should I tell them about our progress so far?” 

Jimin bit the inside of his cheek. Progress… Did he have that? Perhaps, but at the end: speculations. That is what they are. He couldn’t take the chance. “Tell them we may have something. Try and deter them from trashing this case. Be ambiguous.” 

Namjoon waits to see if Jimin would further elaborate but the other doesn’t speak again. 

“Alright,” Namjoon says, “But you will keep me updated on whatever you find, right?” 

Jimin nods. 

Namjoon knows that the conversation is over so he stands. Stretching, he rolls his neck once and then follows it similarly with his shoulders. “I’m going to head back to the station. Go home. Get some rest.” 

“None of you want me at the station, huh? I stink it up too much?” 

This earns him a grin from Namjoon. “You’re the brightest mind we have on the team, Jimin. But right now it’s shutting down right in front of my eyes. Recharge it and return when you’re ready.” 

Jimin nods again and lifts a head to say goodbye. Then, he is left to his own thoughts once again.

...

She runs. Fast.

He looks down at the three words. They are the only things that fill his laptop screen after he hits enter. Writer’s block: something he didn’t quite enjoy. That was why he liked to move around so much when he writes. That, plus the fact that he can see his subject clearly. 

The girl is thin and wiry but the definition of hard deltoid muscles are outlined by the afternoon sun. He enjoys a challenge and she might be one. 

Dane observes her like the hunter might to his prey. He notes down everything - from the pathway she takes to the speed of her jogging. Everything is important. 

What a contrast she would serve compared to pretty Ms. Michel. Now, where should he display her this time?

Everything must be chosen so that it meets perfection. She is a prancing antelope that dances unknowingly for the lion. Man is an animal after all. We all belong in the Wilderness.

His eyes look up from his script and watches as the girl stretches once she reaches the bench. She is bent over to catch her breath and she wipes her forehead with the back of her hand. A small device is wrapped around her arm and she touches it to presumably change the song. Her black and blue leggings contrast with her lighter skin. Once she has rested enough, she jogs a couple of times in place before going forward and then turning the corner out of his sight. 

So pretty and elegant. He wants to wrap his arms around her, and feel her pulse between his fingers. He wants to make her into his next angel. 

Dane is patient. He is willing to wait until the right opportunity. He will see to it. Unwritten.

This is the third time at the park, but each day that he has arrived, she is also there. He did not need to be a rocket scientist to know that this must be her daily route. Soon, he will be able to continue on his story.

...

Jimin could not understand why, but after that day with Namjoon at the park, he found himself returning to it quite often. He would make excuses to grab a coffee, but would then find himself wandering back to the bench. He enjoyed the quietness the small area offered. It allowed him to gather his thoughts in peace before returning to the hectic environment of the station. 

After allocating time spent of sitting silently under the warmth of the sun, Jimin finally stands. The park is much quieter now as the remaining people have also left. He gathers the brown bag with leftovers from the local bistro and starts stretching his legs. From the corner of his eye, he notices that somebody is running. 

There is not enough time for him to get out of her way and she crashes into him the moment she turns the corner. The impact is not great and she merely stumbles back in shock. 

“I’m so sorry,” he bows in apology. 

She is out of breath but she shakes her head and bows as well. “No, it’s my fault! I’m sorry I didn’t see you!” 

He waves it away and they share another awkward laugh before the girl in the black and blue leggings smiles and continues on her route. 

Bending to pick up the brown bag he has dropped on impact, somebody else captures his attention. That person is someone he cannot seem to forget and even this slightest sight of him causes Jimin to scowl. 

He is able to recognize that jacket from anywhere – that grey jacket this man wore the day he walked into the police station. He is currently sitting on a bench nearly halfway across the park. Jimin shouldn’t have been able make out any facial features at his distance, but he swears that the man’s eye follow a runner down the path.  

The other man seems engrossed with something on his laptop. His eyes never seem to leave the screen and Jimin is unable to tell whether Jungkook is typing or whether he is watching some type of video. Regardless of what he is doing, Jimin has already decided that it is not good. 

About to walk up to him, Jimin suddenly stops in the midst. It is not because somebody else has bumped into him or that he is caught up in another thought. 

No. 

It is because he recognizes the second figure that appears from behind the first.

...

The previous writer’s block disappears as fast as it had appeared. His fingers are now flying across the keyboard as he continues to write the perfect plan. In fact, he is so captivated by the growing paragraphs that he does not notice when another figure appears from behind. 

“What are you doing?” your voice startles him. 

He whirls around and snaps his notebook shut. You stand behind with a slightly surprised expression on your face. He is able to tell because your large eyes are wider than usual, and your mouth makes a small “o”. 

Time had flown by so quickly that he had forgotten he was supposed to meet you at 1:00pm. Quickly checking his watch, he sees that the time is 12:50pm. 

“You’re here early,” he notes. Scooting over, he then pats the seat next to him. You timidly follow his instructions and sit down beside him. The scarf you wear loosens as the wind blows and you fix it once. 

“I was just in the area. Do you like croissants? I bypassed a popular bistro on the way here and bought us some.” You hand him the small box. “I know croissants are unexpected from a place like that, but I can promise you – they’re really good!”

Jungkook peeks in the box. Packaged in rows, there is a set of treats in chocolate, strawberry cream cheese and plain. 

“Sets of three,” Jungkook mumbles. 

You look up at him. “Sorry?” 

He gives you a small laugh, yet minute as it is, it still makes your heart tumble. “A set of three. I like working in sets of three,” he tells you. Jungkook opts for the original.

You wait until he takes a bite before a smile breaks across you face. “Good, huh?” 

He nods, crumbs falling onto his laptop. He brushes them away before they can dirty it further.

“What did you want to meet me for?” he asks you. 

From the strangely shaped bag you had brought with you, you take out a wooden stand and a large piece of rolled paper. He watches as you set up you easel and clips the paper to the side. It is blank. 

“I come here often to paint,” you explain as you take out another small bag that is filled with sketching tools, “I think it’s so beautiful here.” You don’t add that you had chosen this place because when Baekhyun first disappeared, this was the closest you could be to Jimin without actually bothering him at the station. 

“So you called me here to watch you paint?” 

“Sketch, actually. Today I’m here to sketch but in a couple of days I should be able to paint.” 

Jungkook leans back in his seat. He sees that a new light has taken over your eyes as you take everything from the park into memory. Your pencil twirls in your fingers. Another small gust of wind blows the scarf away from your neck. 

Over their time together, they had become so used to being in each other’s presence that you no longer shy away from him. There were moments when you would be reminded of the first night he stayed at your house, but believe you are not one to dwell in the past so you quickly forget it. At this moment, he is drawing the collar of your jacket up and fixing your scarf so that it would no longer loosen. 

While he is helping you, you continue to talk, “You know, ever since I saw you, a feeling has been itching at me. I kept thinking that before bumping into you at the station, I had seen you before! Now I know. You were the guy who thought I was a street artist!”

Jungkook’s fingers falter as he sets them back on his lap. He does not move. What was it you had just said?

“I was at the square near my studio that evening. It was particularly nice. I remember a small ensemble playing classical music too. You had been the one to knock over my canvas.” 

No. It was not him. 

“Wait. It wasn’t you. It was the lady you were with!” When you remember, you gasps. 

Jungkook turns when he hears you. There was not supposed to be a single person that could have remembered him with Sara that night. That was never part of the plan. When he turns his focus on you, there is a look of shock and realization. A fire begins to burn in his stomach. 

You hold your hand to your mouth. You can see that Jungkook is staring at you and the guilt eats away inside. You should have seen it coming. He was a handsome, intelligent and skilled man. He had showed up out of nowhere. He was also a stranger to the city. The two of you had met outside the station. Of course he could not be here simply because of work. 

He must have been here with his girlfriend. 

And they had bumped into you that night on their date. 

“Y/N, what is it?” Jungkook asks gently. 

You sets the pencil down on the easel. “That woman you were with… That’s your girlfriend, wasn’t it? Oh my god… if she were to know that you’re staying with me right now. She would probably think that I’m some girl who is trying to steal her boyfriend.” 

Your face only reddens more when Jungkook’s laughter echoes around the park. It lasts for quite a while and you do not know whether you are feeling humiliated or angry at him laughing at you. 

He catches his breath and smiles widely at you. “That wasn’t my girlfriend. She was someone I was meeting for the night.” 

“For a date?”

“No. For work.” 

You do not know why, but you breathe a sigh of relief. “Well, I also remember you liking my painting. Do you remember?” 

He gives you another smile. “Sorry, Y/N. I don’t.” 

Disappointment makes your chest ache. Never good at hiding your emotions, it makes him smile again when he sees the obvious frown. He places a hand over yours. “I’d still love a painting though, if that’s what you’re offering this time.” It is infectious, that is what his smile is. You take you hand away from beneath his and regard the quiet scenic park again. “Do you like this place? Should I paint something for you here?” 

He nods. “I’ll like anything you paint for me, Y/N.” 

You blush at the way he says it so matter-of-factly. Looking up, you scan the surroundings once again before a large shadow rushes towards you and grabs your wrist. 

You are hauled up to your feet roughly.

...

Seeing you so casually walking up to that man made him mad. But it wasn’t that which made him practically race across the park. No, it was the combination of him fixing your scarf, laughing with you and then taking your hand. He cannot allow such a thing to happen. 

“Jimin!” you yelp, the pain cutting through your wrist. It burns and you feel as if somebody had dug a knife into your skin to split your bones. 

Jimin has momentarily forgotten your disorder as he is blinded my rage. How dare Jungkook be sitting beside you like the two of you are friends? This man may be involved in a murder case. He may as well be the only suspect. 

“What are you doing here with him?” Jimin demands. 

You can barely get the words out – that is how tight Jimin is gripping your wrist and hurting you. 

Jungkook is still seated, but upon seeing your face turning bright red and perspiration beading your forehead, he stands. “Detective Park, I believe you are hurting Y/N.” 

His words are a cold splash of water on Jimin. He quickly releases you and you whimper while holding your wrist. He reaches towards you, but you draw back, closer to Jungkook. 

“I’m so sorry,” his apology is gushes, “Are you okay? Did I hurt you?” 

You rub your wrist. You know it is not broken, but the pain lingers still. You gingerly rotate it before shaking your head. “I’m fine. You took me by surprise though.” 

Seeing the discomfort in your eyes, Jimin instantly feels guilty. The first time he sees you after the fight and he manages to hurt you again. “What are you doing here?” he asks again. He wants to add “with him” but he did not think it was appropriate. 

“I was meeting Jungkook. I wanted to do some sketches for a painting.”

He hated your causal use of the name. He hated it with such a passion. 

“Detective Park, it’s been a while,” Jungkook extends a hand. 

Jimin clenches his jaw but grabs it and shakes it forcefully. “Mr. Jeon,” he says through his teeth. 

You can detect the hostility between the two men. You knew Jimin didn’t like Jungkook but you couldn’t see his reason why. Jungkook had only ever been nice to you. Really, Jungkook was one of the nicest people you know. 

“Why did you need to meet him to do sketches? I didn’t even know the two of you knew each other,” Jimin begins interrogating. 

You falter. You had been so caught up in the previous few days you had forgotten to tell him your new housemate. Truth be told, the whole situation is so unusual for the two of you because you would talk to each other nearly every day. 

“I’m temporarily living with her,” Jungkook says, unable to resist the temptation. He has already calculated and anticipated the change that would occur over Jimin’s face once he says those words. He knows that it would affect you more, but there is a type of satisfaction in seeing the rage that spreads over Jimin’s face.

It takes everything in his already weak power to hold his emotions in. Heat is already flowing to his face in which he could not control, but he could still stop the explosion of curses from leaving his mouth. 

Your mouth is opened ajar once again. All the worse scenarios are running through your head. 

Jungkook sheepishly rubs his neck. “Oh, this is awkward. I thought you had told him, Y/N. You two seemed so close.” 

Oh yes. It is absolutely delightful in seeing the impact of his words on Detective Park Jimin. 

“I – ” you start, “I didn’t get the chance to yet. Um, well… Jimin…. Jungkook is staying at my place for now. He has no other – ”

“We need to talk,” Jimin interrupts you. 

You open your mouth and close it again. “Okay,” you say timidly. You start to walk towards him. 

“Grab your things with you,” Jimin says sternly. 

You want to refute his words but there is a sort of silent anger you recognize. You send Jungkook an apologetic look before packing away your easel and paper. Jimin waits for you and you quickly whisper, “I’m sorry,” before going away. 

The two walk away like a father leading his disobedient daughter. Jungkook can only watch with amusement at the new turn of events.

...

“You’re living with him? You’re living with him? You’re living with him?!” You hear Jimin repeat the series of questions again. Your finger lightly taps your thigh and you note to yourself: the sixth time. That was the sixth time he asked the same question.

Jimin had thought for a long time on their walk to the station of what he could say. Countless words had been flying through his mind however he just couldn’t seem to find the correct ones to string together. That had led him to only repeat the one fact he is being faced with: You are living with Jungkook. 

You sigh. “Yes, Jimin, I’m living with him.” 

“How could you decide to do that without talking to me about it?” he explodes at last, “You barely know this guy and you invite him into your house? He’s a criminal. He’s a murderer.”

This makes you frown. Your eyebrows crease together and even your pretty face cannot hide the ugliness of your anger. “Park Jimin,” you start sternly with his name, “I don’t think it’s fair for you to make that assumption. I don’t even think you should be making that assumption.” 

“Still, the two of you are living together!”

You sigh again.

Jimin stops in the middle his pacing for a second to collect his thoughts. “Fine. But what makes you think you know him enough to decide whether or not my assumption is fair?” 

“Well, what makes you think you have enough power over me to stop who I’m living with?”

“I have a responsibility for you, Y/N! I don’t want you to get hurt. Jeon Jungkook is dangerous!”

“There you go again! Making another assumption! Why are you even saying this?”

“You know exactly why. It’s because – ”

“If you say that it’s because of your gut feeling I’m going to walk away right now.” 

He pauses. “I just know, alright? I have evidence against him.” 

“Show it to me, then.” 

Presently, the two of you are arguing inside Jimin’s office. The blinds have been drawn, but the glass door is definitely not enough to hide the increasing voices. Jimin rummages through the multitude of papers and files on his desk. His thoughts are once again jumbled. He is unable to think straight at the moment and it makes him forget where he has put the files in the first place. 

“You don’t have it, do you?” you accuse, “You just hate him. I don’t know what your reason is, but that’s mean. Jungkook is a good person. He takes care of me.” 

Your tone is filled with exasperation. You did not enjoy when things did not go your way. Neither did he. That is the reason why the two of you tend to avoid conflicts by not being involved in each other’s personal matters. This time, however, Jimin needs his stance to be known. 

“You’ve known this guy for what, two weeks? What do you mean ‘he takes care of you’? He barely even knows anything about you.” 

You do not bother to correct Jimin that it has in fact been less than that. “He’s taken care of me more than you have alright?” you stab him with the words. Your face flushes the moment they leave your mouth.

Jimin’s next words are so calm, they border on hostility. “More than I have, you say? Please, enlighten me.” 

“He… He supports me. He’s there for me when I need him. He’s… He’s…” With each stutter, you can feel yourself losing this fight. Pride and rage cloud your judgment, and nonetheless, you throw out your last attack, “He doesn’t try to convince me that my fiancée was murdered.” 

His eyes become hard. 

There are tears wavering in you eyes and you tell yourself not to blink such that they would not fall. “You tell me to try and move on after Baekhyun’s disappearance.  You tell me that it’s for my own good; all this pain and guilt and frustration at losing him… You’re just as guilty, Jimin. You’ve never put Baekhyun behind you and now you’re saying something as ludicrous as him being murdered. I won’t accept it.” 

He hates seeing you cry. He hates it so much. He hates it enough to contemplate easing up on your decision to live with this stranger.

No. 

Walking away from you, he digs through his jacket pocket and produces an extra set of keys. He had learned to carry this around with him since knowing you. He never knew when you needed to come by and borrow his house keys. 

“Take this,” he places the keys into you palm and curls your fingers around them, “When you’re done with this tantrum… or whatever this is, come home. I understand that Jeon Jungkook needs a place to live, so rent out your place to him. But I cannot have you staying alone with him. You are to live with me while he is an occupant there.” 

You scoff at him, incredulously. You grip the keys in your hand before slamming them soundly on his desk. 

“I am not a child,” you solemnly say, “You cannot control me like this. I am a free to make my own decisions, and I will do what I want.”

With that, you spin on your heels to exit the office. Your pulse is racing as you turn to face him again. You avoid looking directly at him but stare above past his forehead. You are afraid that if you see his expression, you would falter. 

“I respect your decision to not like Jungkook. But if that’s the case, and as Jungkook is living with me, you are free to never come by my place. We will not welcome a guest who only has the intent of unsound accusation.” 

You end the argument with that and stomps out the door.

...

Jungkook is waiting for you outside the station as you leave. You are so blinded by your emotions you nearly miss him until he grabs your wrist and causes you to yelp. 

Immediately, he retracts his hand. “I’m sorry,” he apologizes. 

You still want to yell at somebody, but Jimin’s injustice towards Jungkook stops you from screaming. You rub you wrist that is still sore from being grabbed previously. Adjusting the strap of your canvas on your back, you continue to walk forward.

“He’s so unfair,” you whisper.

Jungkook catches it. 

“Nobody ever asked him to look out for me. I would have been fine,” you say. 

“He cares for you,” Jungkook says gently. 

You do not want to hear the words. Still, it is not like you can ignore them once they’re heard. 

“He is worried. I am a stranger, and a man. Unfortunately, society has a stigma around single strange men who sneak up to a female to offer his phone while it is pouring rain in the middle of the night.” He tries to make a joke with you. Thankfully, it works as you lightly laugh. 

“Well, still. Jimin is being stubborn. He has prejudices against you; ones that have no basis.” 

“Let me guess. He thinks I’m dangerous. He thinks I might hurt you. With my involvement in his case, he might even think that I’m a suspect.” 

You do not want to answer. 

Jungkook stops you from walking. Your strides have been short but only increasing in speed. He is no longer sure if you even know where they are walking. With one hand still on your shoulder, he says with a soft voice, “He has every right to think so, Y/N. We have only started to get to know each other We both have secrets that we have yet to reveal to each other. Perhaps I am dangerous. Perhaps I may have the intent to hurt you.”

You look into his eyes which steadily hold you own. “But you won’t, right?” 

He smiles at you. “Of course not.” 

“Then that’s all that matters,” you say with resolution, “That’s what a relationship is built on. The slow accumulation of trust towards the other party. I don’t care if you have secrets, Jungkook. If you ever do want to share them, I will listen. But at the end, you don’t have to. I want to know you as you.”

He nods. Now with the rollercoaster of emotions within you coming to an end, you are able to see that the weather is beautiful that day. There is the soft melodious chirping of birds from all around you, and the streets are not busy as people have yet to be off work. A warm patch of heat is on your back as the sun greets you between the clouds.

Jungkook is quiet beside you for a while, until he says out of the blue, “Jimin really loves you.”

You whirl to regard him. “Jimin doesn’t love me. He is only tasked to look after me.”

His eyes soften when he looks at you again. He doesn’t follow up with anything, only turning his head back forward.

The speed of your heart’s beating rises slightly at his comment. You do not understand the purpose of him saying that. You do not understand what led to him to say such a thing.

“Jungkook,” you call out.

“Mhmm?”

“I still want to paint a picture for you. But I don’t think I can right now.”

“What do you mean?”

You had stopped walking beside him. He notices that and stops as well. When he finally turns to look at why you had stopped, he is greeted with the image of you standing with your wrist in the air. He sighs in concern and takes your wrist gently.

“Alright, let’s get you home,” he says kindly.

...

next part 

[jasperswhumpjourney]

Hands: Doll

There was less focus on hands than I intended. We are going through a heatwave currently, can you tell? Also longer than I intended at 2792 words.

CW: Slavery, Whump, pet whump, caning of hands, caning, heatstroke, dehydration, stress positions, male identified person wearing heels/skirts/braids, female whumper, male whumpee, a/b/o dynamics,

Measuring the passage of time was not knowledge Jasper was privy to. He didn’t know how long he’d been in this position, only that it had been a long time. Long enough that his stretched out limbs and back were aching from the strain of it.

Not that that said much, as Jasper was constantly exhausted and aching.

This Mistress, his second owner, was very specific in her likes. Specific, but easy, theoretically. All Jasper ever had to do was stay in the positions and wear the clothes she placed him in. That was easy enough, right?

Then why did he always fail at it so thoroughly?

This position, however, was only made more difficult by the fact that she had hung things from his stretched out arms. Two thick winter coats, each heavy in their own right. He was a coat stand today, one that had to work to be attractive and pleasing. One that also, no matter what, could not let those coats touch the floor.

When he was first placed in the hallway, positioned with his arms in front of him and stretched out, the coats slung over the fists of his hands, it was dark. He knew that from the window he had passed on the way here, it had been dark outside when he started. However there were no windows in this hallway, and no way to even use that as an estimate.

It had been a long time though, it had to be. His arms were past aching, almost numb with how they were locked into place. His feet were similarly numb, unable to move them even to shift his weight, but in his back built a sharp ache that made it hard to breathe. The heels he wore were high, thin things, hard to balance on and and sending sharp pains up his legs after a while.

Jasper’s world was usually freezing cold, and a thick fur coat like that of the ones in front of him an unachievable hope. Now however, he was too hot. Sweat dripped from his body. Precious moisture that would be difficult to replace. The warmth in the room was only exacerbated by the thick fur covering most of Jasper’s arms. The lace of the petticoat he wore itched, and the layers of ruffles only made all this worse. Mistress had allowed his hair to grow out recently, and the ends of his braided curls tickled his neck.

His tongue stuck in his mouth, dry and gritty, and his head swam. His starving stomach, for once, wasn’t the forefront of his attention, squeezing and making its emptiness known. It was the thirst and the ache and the determination to be good. To be pleasing.

Very rarely it happened; where he was able to obey his Mistress’ demands until the end. Those times ended with simple, brief praise. The most precious thing he could receive, the greatest reward. It was something he craved over water (what he wouldn’t do for a simple mouthful of water right then!), food, or even relief from this stressful predicament.

Somehow he had missed the sound of her approach. She always wore beautiful shoes that would make pleasing clicking sounds on the floor as she walked. Beautiful heels, but never anything like the ones she put on Jasper’s feet.

Mistress was already in front of him when he realised she was approaching. It startled him, but he was too frozen in his position to react with more than a widening of his eyes. His heart sped up, not with fear, but relief and excitement. She was back! She was here! Not only that, but this had to mean this was over. He had succeeded in pleasing her! Maybe she’d bestow him with a kind word before allowing him to rest.

He wasn’t sure what all she’d do, in his time as her pet doll he had only been successful twice before, only to almost immediately ruin it the next day. A kind word. Water. Rest. It was too much to hope for all three, but maybe one of them?

Instead of addressing Jasper, Mistress touched a coat covered fist and slowly pushed it to his side. His right arm was straight out still, horizontal, but now to his side instead of in front of him. The movement sent shocks up his shoulder and he couldn’t help the slight tremble that broke out while he tried to lock his arm in the new position. Before he was fully adjusted, she did the same thing with his left arm.

Jasper almost dropped the coats.

The new position burned his muscles and made them shake precariously. The disappointment was a heavy weight too. He wasn’t done. He hasn’t been successful. Yet. He hoped at least.

Only barely, did Jasper manage to keep his arms up and balanced enough to keep the long coats from touching the floor. Once his position steadied and his arms locked again, Mistress walked away again without a word.

He wouldn’t be able to last the same amount of time he had before. Not without rest and this new change in position. Knowing her, this is what she would expect. Jasper’s eyes itched with the want to cry, but were unable to produce the moisture to do so. He was going to fail. Again. And there was nothing he could do about it, but try his absolute best to obey until the very last moment.

At one point, Jasper stopped sweating. To him, it was a relief. No more loss of water, no more drops tickling his legs and coming close to making him fail. The way his head pounded and he suddenly felt himself sway, was not. Nausea built up quickly, and before he knew it, his stomach heaved uncontrollably. Miraculously, the coats only barely brushed the floor before he was able to regain control of himself. It didn’t matter, however. The coats touched the floor. He had failed and he would be punished after this.

It would be worse, however, if he gave up then. Jasper was determined to not fail again, to not dirty Mistress’ coats further.

--

Jasper woke with a violent start.

The world was heat and painful pounding wracking through his existence. He couldn’t really feel his body, not in any specific way. Just that the pain and the heat were overwhelming. It was a struggle to breathe in the thick, humid air.

This horrible heat almost made him grateful for the times when he was cold and shivering, even though they were both truly terrible experiences. The cold would still burn his lungs, making it hard to breathe, but the thick air felt like he was being smothered.

The next thing Jasper realised was that he was on the floor. He felt the brush of soft fur from the coats in a heap next to him, and it all came flooding back. He wasn’t supposed to be lazy and sleep on the floor, he was supposed to be good and hold Mistress’ coats up to keep them clean!

Jasper tried to push himself up onto his feet so he could try and salvage the situation. However when he tried, he found he was too weak to do so. Just moving his limbs at all felt heavy and threatened him with unconsciousness. He only stopped trying when his stomach heaved violently again. Nothing came up, there was nothing to come up, but it was painful and sapped what little precious energy Jasper had left over.

That was how Mistress found him. Unable to even grovel at her feet properly, though that didn’t prevent him from trying. It didn’t matter that he couldn’t see further up than her knees, he knew she was displeased with him. There would be no rest, no water, no relief.

“What a useless coat stand you are,” Mistress commented, lifting her foot to give him the opportunity to kiss and apologize to her respectfully. Jasper didn’t hesitate, appreciating her kindness greatly. He pressed desperate kisses to her shoes, pink sensible heels that had to be more comfortable than the thin stilettos he wore.

The world was wobbly and tried to spin around him, tried to make him fail at even apologizing to Mistress for the disrespect. He sobbed tearlessly, desperate to apologize and make it right.

--

Jasper didn’t feel time pass, but it seemed a moment later Mistress was yelling at him. He missed something — missed what had caused her to switch from letting him apologize — to her shrill voice tearing into him.

The world was still violently swaying and trying to spin, and he was so, so confused by what was going on around him. Jasper didn’t know what he could do to mollify her sudden anger. He couldn’t even understand the words she was hurling at him, they were muffled and warped.

The world went blank again, refusing to settle or stay in any one place. The desperate struggle for air, the overwhelming nausea, the heat; that’s all his existence was.

A sharp taste filled his mouth and Jasper felt his chest loosen, just a slight amount. His lips were pressed around a clear blue plastic tube. He didn’t struggle, not even when the bitter metallic taste filled his mouth again. By the time the tube was pulled away Jasper was able to take in air easier, his head much clearer, though the nausea was still an overwhelming pressure.

“... useless… keep alive… expensive…” Mistress’ words were fading in and out, but the anger and contempt in them were obvious. As the world came back to him, he could pick through more and more of what she was saying, and could piece together what happened a bit better.

Jasper hadn’t been able to breathe, and he had been allowed use of his inhaler. Not only that, but Mistress had administered the medicine herself, instead of leaving Jasper to gasp uselessly. A true kindness, especially after he had failed her and dirtied her things. He knew the medicine was expensive, and he knew he wasn’t worth the cost of it. It was by his Alpha’s grace that he continued to breathe.

“... disappointing fuckpet. Are you awake yet?” He saw her hand move and felt the sting on his cheek, but it took several moments for Jasper to realise that Mistress had slapped him.

“Y-yes M-mistress,” his voice was rough and broke; Jasper’s mouth and throat had been dry before, but the layer of medicine only made things worse. He was sitting up, leaned against one of the hallway walls, and Mistress was in front of him, standing over him.

Mistress looked livid, and Jasper couldn’t blame her! She hadn’t given him a hard task, and yet he not only failed, he’d slept and used up expensive medicine in his attempt. His failure was so crushing, he couldn’t help but let out a whine and force himself to kneel in front of her, face pressed to the floor. He didn’t know what words made it out of his mouth, let alone which were understandable through his dry throat.

It was clear his message had gotten across — penitence, please please punish me, let me atone — when her fingers sank into his braided curls and dragged him up and along in the direction she wanted. His knees, bruised already, scraped and bumped painfully against the flooring as she dragged him.

The plush chair in the hallway was mostly decorative. It went with the art on the wall, the fancy wallpaper, and the rich wood flooring. It was a rich red, with golden embroidered threads in an intricate pattern. Jasper was hopeful of what this meant, that his Mistress would sit in the chair and spank him as he lay across her lap. He could handle that punishment. He certainly couldn’t touch such a fine thing with how dirty he was, crawling on the floor and covered in salty dried sweat.

A spanking he could handle, but the thin cane that was leant against the chair… that would be harder. He couldn’t help the noise that escaped his throat when he saw it, the polished wood gleaming maliciously.

Instead of sitting down in the plush chair herself, Mistress pulled Jasper around it so that the thick arm of the chair was in front of his face. She grabbed his hands and pulled them so that his arms rested on the rich fabric, his palms up and hovering over the seat of the chair. When she moved away he knew better than to move from where he was placed, but without her support his trembling became obvious.

This wasn’t good. Her plan was becoming clear, and Jasper didn’t know how he would survive it.

“Last chance, omega.” Jasper froze and ducked his head, ice cold anxiety flooding through him. She didn’t like calling him that, much preferring to call him Doll. “Do. Not. Move.”

Jasper’s arms were already aching and tired, and the support of the chair helped him stabilize the tremors of both fear and fatigue. He had just managed to still them when the cane drove an angry line of fire across both palms. It was a desperate struggle to keep them in place, to fight the instinct to pull away from such pain.

There wasn’t a chance to recover between strikes. The next came down again across his palms, but in a different place. He couldn’t move, this was his last chance to be good! It was so difficult to keep his hands in place.

Mistress’ initial focus were his hands, laying painful welts across his palms. Not only was it unbearably painful, but it was hard to maintain the position with his hands hovering above the seat. Red lines cut through Jasper’s palms, occasionally overlapping. Blood surfaced to each welt, just under skin threatening to split.

The first strike of the cane that didn’t crack across his palms was a surprise. Jasper didn’t flinch, locked into place and trying his best not to move any muscle, let alone his aching arms. It did throw him off; the choked off cry was glaring evidence of that.

However, as she focused attention on his forearms, that was a whole different pain. There was support, and it would be harder to lose his position; Jasper was grateful for these mercies. The force she brought the cane down on his forearms was more aggressive, the “whump” of the cane hitting the thick cotton of the embroidered chair was intense.

It didn’t end there, Mistress traveling down Jasper’s forearms to his palms, and back up again. It didn’t end until Jasper was a sobbing mess, still tearless from the lack of water. Several of the welts on his palms and inside his wrists had broken open and were sluggishly bleeding, threatening to stain the delicate embroidery. Jasper couldn’t move, he hadn’t been given permission, couldn’t do anything but feel the warm blood slowly slide down the sides of his arms.

The cane came down again, but this time it rested on Jasper’s trembling palms and didn’t move. It was a thin, light thing that Jasper barely felt but had to work hard to balance and not drop from his trembling.

“When I come back,” Mistress started, pulling his hair until he could see her face, how serious she was. “You better not have dropped this. If you are very good,” Jasper couldn’t help the small intake of breath at this. He would be good! “I’ll allow you to be my towel rack for my morning bath.”

Mistress’ eyes were a clear blue and gleaming, a soft smile on her lips. Jasper imagined what a reward being her towel rack would be, how pleased she would be with him to allow him this. Especially after he had utterly failed at keeping her coats clean.

Jasper’s hair was tugged on, pulling his head up further but not so much that the position became impossible. To his absolute surprise, a bottle of water was held to his lips and a small amount allowed to pool in his mouth. Mistress allowed him a few small sips, enough to wet his tongue and slightly ease the ache of thirst, before pushing his head back down to stare at his bleeding palms. The water that remained in the bottle was poured over his head, and he wished desperately he could thank her for the kindness. The drops were cool as they soaked into his hair and ran down his body before evaporating.

Jasper stayed where he was placed, listening to her walk away and determined to make her proud even as his head spun and his blood seeped into the arm of the chair.

Masterlist

[heroine-of-albion]

There Is Nothing Can Console Me

Synopsis - It was the common belief in Albion that the cruellest monsters were the Banshees that haunted Wraithmarsh...but Reaver knows better.

Word Count: 1100 words

Warnings: Character Death, before the story is set (it takes place after’s the Hero of Bowerstone’s death, basically)

Also on my Ao3 account! - my first work in the Fable Fandom on there in almost 3 years!

It was the common belief in Albion that the cruellest monsters were the Banshees that haunted Wraithmarsh.

 It was a reasonable enough belief; the Banshees had an unerring and rather unpleasant ability to weasel out a man's darkest fear and whisper them in his ear, but if one knew the slightest thing about Banshees, one would know that they were the souls of women who had met their deaths through the greed and other various unkindnesses of others, having been treated very badly. They weren't cruel: they were afraid, and their fear was a twisted, dark thing that drove them to lash out, to harm before they were harmed. To be cruel.

 Reaver...empathised. Or he came as close to empathising as he possibly could.

 He wasn't sure it truly counted as empathy when part of his indifferent disposition to them was because they were easily enough dispatched, once one got ride of their shadowy offspring, at least for him. In any case, he'd stopped fearing the cruelty of Banshees by the end of his first decade travelling into the sickly marshes that had once been his home, had stopped even paying them any mind by the end of his first century, unless he was actually in front of one.

 No, he didn't care at all about the Banshees and their frightened cruelty...especially not when he knew the truth about what were truly the cruellest creatures in all of Albion - maybe even all the known lands.

   Sirens.

   Sirens were, without the doubt, the most vile creatures in Albion...and unfortunately they were all too common in Bloodstone: drawn to the port by the sounds of the drunken mass of humanity, the stench of fish, and the taste of blood in the water. Reaver had long since put in place measures to make Bloodstone's docks...unpleasant for Sirens, but that didn't keep all of the vile bitches out. Every now and again, once in a while, one or two of them would get into the docks, and start singing one of their stomach-turning songs.

 It seemed that tonight was one of those nights.

 Almost a dozen men and women had already dived into the murky water, lured in by the promises of their deepest desires. Reaver honestly couldn't care less for the loss - those people were hardly important: interchangeable and unremarkable to the end - but when the song had reached his ears...he'd started to care. Because in spite of his inarguable superiority to any living being in Albion, he was not immune to the Sirens' call.

 Like Banshees, Sirens had a way of seeing into people's hearts: but instead of seeing their fears, they saw desires. Not the easily attainable kind of desires, of course, the kind that one would never really hope to ever live...or live again.

 Which was why Reaver was sitting in a dark room, a bottle of the strongest brandy money could buy in one hand, and his head in the other, trying to tune out the Siren's song...and failing.

   "...from Brightwood Tower to Bloodstone, I'll wander, weep and moan...all for my jolly sailor, until he sails home..."

   Reaver gritted his teeth, knowing that despite what his ears were hearing, She wasn't out there.

 It might be a good imitation - it was: he'd give the gilled bitches that much - might make his heart pound and his stomach clench, but it wasn't Her voice. It wasn't Her.

 She was long gone.

 Gone. Lost. Dead.

 There was no power on earth that would allow him to see or hear her again - Reaver knew; he'd looked. He'd looked and looked and looked, poured over all the ancient texts he could get his hands on, offered bargains to the Shadow Court (he'd been willing to see all of Albion burn this time, though it had done him no good), even attempted to sail out the blind seeress in her precious Spire, though she'd forced him away before he ever got close...but despite all his best efforts, it had all been in vain.

 Sparrow was dead. And she would remain that way: whether he could hear the mournful strains of her voice in the Sirens' song or not.

 Of course...that didn't make it any easier to tolerate...

   "...my heart is pierced by Cupid...I disdain all glittering gold...there is nothing can console me but my jolly sailor bold..."

   The heart in Reaver's chest, an organ he'd long thought useless, shuddered and clenched, and the hand holding his head dropped to clutch his chest.

 Hearing Sparrow's voice, but knowing that it wasn't really Her, hurt. Hurt in ways Reaver hadn't known he was capable of feeling anymore.

 Part of him wanted to curse Her: wanted to rage and storm and scream at Sparrow for opening this wound in his chest...but what good what that do him? Cursing her name would not bring her back to him, and as much as he wanted to despise her for causing him this pain, the hatred was fleeting, swiftly buried by bittersweet love and longing for what could never be.

 So he despised the Sirens instead.

 The Sirens were the cause of his pain. The Sirens were the reason he was locked in a dark room, hiding. The Sirens were to blame for his current predicament. They taunted him with desires he kept hidden from everyone, desires that could never be realised. They mocked the horrible aching in his chest, and laughed at his misery. They stole his Sparrow's voice, and tarnished it with their lies and dark intentions.

 The cruellest monsters in all of Albion indeed. The Banshees had nothing on them.

   "...there is nothing can console me..."

   There was nothing that could console Reaver: nothing that would give him what he truly wanted...so he'd settle for slaughtering that fucking Siren in the docks. Then he'd track down her sisters, and hang them from the top of the lighthouse, as a warning to any of the bitches that got to close, that he was not to be trifled with. After that...Reaver was done with Bloodstone. There was nothing here for him but ghosts - and not just in the marshes.

 He'd heard the lake that fed into the River Bower was in a rather pleasant location. Of course, he'd have to make a few changes...but if he didn't, certainly someone else would, and they would never manage to do it as well as Reaver could.

 Albion was rapidly changing, it seemed.

 Reaver intended to change with it.

[playmakiing]

        It is heavily implied in the show that Yuusaku suffers from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, but I also believe that he is autistic as well.  In this post, I will be outlining and explaining these two disorders in perspective of my interpretation of our favorite hacker.  Sidenote, while I do not have PTSD, I have and continue to do research on the disorder in order to have an accurate portrayal in my muse.  However, each person's experiences with PTSD are not universal, so just because this is how I choose to portray this headcanon does not mean it is going to similar to anyone else's personal experiences.  Also, while I am actually autistic, autism is also displayed in a wide variety of ways.  Parts of my autistic interpretation stem from my own symptoms, other parts are from further research.  I will take any inquiries and constructive criticism about these headcanons, but I will not bother with baseless hate.

        So with that out of the way, let's get to it!  I'm keeping this under a read more since it will be a long post.

PTSD

        Due to the horrific nature of the Hanoi Project, Yuusaku developed Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder even though he was only six years old.  Once a happy child, Yuusaku returned with severe symptoms of self-isolation, emotional detachment, and sleepless nights haunted by memories.  Even though he was put into therapy, the sessions could only help so much before proving to be ineffective.  In the end, Yuusaku was left with nothing but the loss of his innocence and a couple of coping methods designed by his own, young mind.         For many years Yuusaku was unable to sleep alone without waking up with screams of terror, and the orphanage caretakers soon learned that he was only able to sleep a dreamless sleep during the day when around the other children.         This caused for them to rearrange things to were Yuusaku was rooming with other young boys at night; they also hoped that perhaps he would be able to socialize more if he's constantly around others in this manner.  Sadly, their plan only worked with giving Yuusaku more nights of sleep.  He still refused to talk to others, existing as a lifeless doll for several years.  However, there was one force that kept Yuusaku awake, and that was the existence of his "special person"--aka, the voice that gave him three reasons to survive.

        Skip forward to ten years later, and Yuusaku has yet to move on from his past demons.  It's only at the end of season one when he is able to begin a better healing process, but he will never be "over" his PTSD.

        The main symptoms that Yuusaku current exhibits are as followed:

        -Hypervigilance: he always has his guard up, whether in the real world or LINK VRAINS.  It is very difficult to sneak up on Yuusaku when he is awake, and he is easy to wake up at any moment.           -Social isolation: for the most part, Yuusaku keeps a steady distance from his peers and other people in his life.  While the distance has lessened in regards to specific individuals, he still doesn't have complete trust in them and tries to keep his walls up.         -Flashbacks: these don't occur much when he's awake, but his dreams at night are usually plagued by them.  Most flashbacks center around the times when he lost a duel and was painfully electrocuted as a result.         -Lack of interest: aside from his goals, Yuusaku finds it difficult to see a future for himself, and thus he finds it difficult to partake in hobbies or activities that don't help advance his goals.  Dueling is a task that he has yet to regain any pleasure from, and despite excelling at hacking and computers, doesn't find the activity to be enjoyable.  To him, these are all tools to help accomplish his goals.         -Insomnia and general issues with sleep: these two go hand-in-hand since Yuusaku's insomnia was greatly developed due to the frequent amount of nightmares he dreamt of as a child, which continues on as he ages.  The nightmares' intensity fluctuates depending on the amount of stress Yuusaku is dealing with.         -Emotional detachment: as Yuusaku would describe it, his heart and mind are trapped in an abyss with no means of escape.  He sees no future and time is frozen still for him.  These deep feelings of isolation and fear have caused him to distance himself emotionally from everyone, and he greatly struggles with forming an emotional attachment to anything or anyone.  There are a very select few things that he has an attachment to, one of those being his "special person."

ASD

        ASD, or Autism Spectrum Disorder, has a wide variety of symptoms and behaviors that range from person to person.  While many of these symptoms do overlap with ones for PTSD, I believe there are enough signs in Yuusaku for this headcanon to be distinctive.  Some of these symptoms, however, do not appear directly in canon ( yet ) but are shown through my writing.  Most of those are ones that I find very plausible for Yuusaku's character, and some are ones that I just want to write, and fuck what anyone else says about it.         The symptoms and experiences listed below are ones that I either interpret from Yusaku's character, integrate into my writing of him, or both.

        -Inappropriate social interaction & lack of understanding social cues: while this isn't heavily noticeable in the show, Yuusaku has been shown either "not get" what others are saying, or exhibits behavior that is deemed "socially inappropriate."  Examples of this are early on in the show when Shoichi and Ai make fun of Yuusaku's inability to talk to girls, and he's later shown to be following Aoi around in a rather stalker-ish manner.         -Lack of eye contact: Yuusaku is not one to maintain eye contact.  Not only does the action cause for him to become extremely uncomfortable, but prolonged exposure to forced eye contact will cause a mental strain.         -Compulsive behavior: Yuusaku is one for routine, and rarely likes to break his schedule.  Only events or situations that are dire or insanely important will prevent him from keeping to a schedule.  The older he gets, however, the less strict he is with his daily routines.         -Repetitive movements & words: In regards to words, Yuusaku has a fixation on listing things in threes, and this is usually to calm himself or clear his mind when clouded.  While this technique was given to him by his "special person," Yuusaku was at a young and impressionable age to where this method stuck and he uses it often.  As for movements, Yuusaku's main stims are taps, rubbing against his skin, and pressure.         -Intense interest in extreme specific things: . . .This is so evident in his fixation with the Knights of Hanoi in season one.  Like, literally nothing else mattered to Yuusaku aside from his quest against the Knights of Hanoi.  If that isn't a hyper-fixation, I don't know what is.  While he does lose this interest in season two, with the reveal of his "special person," Yuusaku has a similar fixation on him--it's not quite intense, but it's there.         -Heightened sensitivity: Yuusaku's five senses are more pronounced in comparison to other people.  Sights and sounds are more intense, smells and taste more noticeable, and touch is a pain usually.  Human contact is another sensation that Yuusaku despises.

Misc. Stuff Related to the Above Things

        -A lot of the autism symptoms are helpful in elevating the flashbacks and nightmares Yuusaku gets from his PTSD.  Examples of this are weighted blankets to pressure stim, having a "post nightmare routine" when he wakes up in the middle of the night and repeating relative lists of threes to himself.         -Yuusaku was never one to like foods with overwhelming flavors, and thus prefers milder foods when eating.  He tends to choke on food that is overstimulating.  The only exception to this is coffee, and that was a strongly acquired taste.         -Soft blankets ( as well as heavy blankets ) are a secret pleasure to Yuusaku's touch, and he will collect blankets with favored textures; he has over a dozen at this point, and will often make a blanket nest out of them to relieve stress ( this habit almost dies when Ai appears, because Yuusaku would rather die than be caught in such a situation by someone like Ai ).         -After a while of meeting Takeru, Yuusaku finds it soothing to be touching or to be held by his friend, and he is one of the very few people whose touch doesn't cause Yusaku to recoil.         -Yuusaku is rather touch-starved but hates touch at the same time.  Rest in fucking pieces.

        And that's about it for this headcanon post.  I may come back and edit this post with more information, or simply make add-on posts when new information settles in my brain.

[a-memory-of]

When Kazha'a Anhsari next woke, he seemed more willing to embrace Laurens' original idea of allowing more time for recovery. He seemed a bit at a loss on what to do with himself, offering to help Laurens with what he could around the home. He took moments to spend time outside when he grew too restless, as he had before, though instead of the grass, the Miqo'te seemed to take a liking to the porch swing as well.

Yet, not one to idle very long, two suns later, Kazha'a took the bottle and gave Laurens a quiet signal with just his eyes before retreating back to the bedroom. At the least, he knew what to expect this time. And he had made an effort to begin the task in the morning, not the middle of the night as he had before which seemed a fairer compromise to his companion's own sleep schedule.

He pulled himself up to sit cross-legged on the bed, gaze locked on that small bottle in his hands. Knowing what to expect was both a blessing and a curse. Kazha'a had little hesitation before in downing the dose, but now, he hesitated.

At first it had taken some getting used to, having someone else around the house to do various tasks, but overall it was a welcome change. Every time he thought about what was to come, he had to throttle down a trill of anxiety and ignore those thoughts.

And then the decision was made. Laurens Lalier knew he had to accept it, remembering that they'd already discussed this and it wasn't something that would simply be forgotten and go away. It couldn't be. But his breath caught and his heart pounded as he followed after Kazha'a and sat beside him. He could understand the hesitation even if he hadn't experienced the poison's effects personally. "I'll be here," he offered with a small nod.

Kazha'a looked up as Laurens sat beside him. He gave a quiet nod, letting him know his assurance was heard. With a grimace, Kazha'a brought the bottle once more to his lips, leaving just enough for a third and final dose of this particular poison. The wait was more than terrible. His heart already had started a frantic pace as he remembered what would come next.

When it hit, he was ready, at the least. His body seized up in a painful tremor but at least he'd been on the bed. Kazha'a doubled over with a wheeze, bracing himself with one arm against the blankets.

There was part of Laurens that wanted to knock the bottle away, to stop Kazha'a from going through with this and subjecting himself to more pain. Laurens wanted to protect him. Logically, he knew he couldn't; this wasn't his decision, and Kazha'a had already made it. They waited together for the poison to kick in, Laurens chewing his lower lip and already readying his spell from the last time.

As Kazha'a curled in on himself, Laurens touched a hand to his back and let the aether flow into him. It couldn't do anything to lessen the poison, but again it might help to lessen some of the pain. Laurens had also taken care to make better preparations, just like Kazha'a had. Water already waited on the bedside table, along with something he'd thought to try once the initial spasms died down. A book. Something for him to read aloud during the down times - a way of giving Kazha'a his voice to hold on to. Perhaps a distraction.

The spell was not lost on Kazha'a, recognizing the cooling comfort amidst the fiery agony. He'd been so adverse to magic most of his life. He had his reasons. But he honestly could not be anything else but grateful for the relief it gave him now. His arm soon gave out, and the Keeper curled into a near fetal position beside Laurens.

Kazha'a had hoped it would be easier. His body was supposed to have gotten stronger; that was the entire point. But it did not seem it yet. His muscles still spasmed, and his stomach burned. He tried to swallow down that familiar metallic taste of dark blood in his mouth. And just as before it was near a quarter bell before he finally found a moment of quiet.

There was little comfort Laurens could give. He did what he could, however, his heart clenching as he watched Kazha'a writhe in agony. As things finally began to quiet down again, he gently stroked Kazha'a's hair out of his face and gave one more nudge to the healing magics to keep them cycling through his system. The magic would be there when the pain began again, hopefully easing some of it.

Laurens retrieved the book from the side table. It wasn't one of his own; he didn't want to build any sort of association with the current situation and his books. It was poetry. The way he thought of it, the different cadences might give Kazha'a something to focus on. His voice low, Laurens began to read. He refreshed the magic whenever it began to flag, taking the pauses as opportunity to do so.

Kazha'a was lingering in that muddy place between pain and awareness, just focusing on breathing as it was something he needed to remind himself to do. Throughout it all he was acutely aware of Laurens' presence and his magic. Then the voice came through as well.

At the start, he could not really make out words, only that there was a deep, calm voice. It was strangely soothing, they way it flowed from word to word. It didn't sound like regular conversation, but Kazha'a couldn't place why. His body relaxed, as much as it could, and he pressed himself closer to the sound, bumping his head under that hand in his hair.

Laurens continued to stroke Kazha'a's hair, offering the physical comfort for as long as the Keeper reacted favorably to it. The sound and cadence of his voice was a spell in and of itself, drawing Laurens into a pattern of words not unlike the aether he wove at the same time.

He kept up his self-imposed tasks even when he wasn't certain if Kazha'a's silence meant his body had allowed him the respite of unconsciousness. The only breaks Laurens allowed himself were in order to sip at the water kept beside the bed and to simply pause to watch Kazha'a breathe. It was silly, but he had to just reassure himself every once in a while that it was truth and not just his imagination. While the fits were far, far worse, the quiet moments brought their own unique concerns.

With both the sound of Laurens' voice and the aching exhausting set upon his body in between the pain, Kazha'a found rest in the quiet moments. Unlike the first time, where despite the sheer exhaustion he could not find those moments of sleep, the Miqo'te seemed far more eased this time. It was a combination of the constant spell, words, and perhaps a body that had indeed learned something.

With @ffxivaltstars

But the fits still came, waking him with violent painful tremors in which he clung to the closest part of Laurens in reach each time. As the day progressed, the span between each fit grew until they finally stopped near the evening bells. And then Kazha'a drifted off for the last time into well-needed sleep. Later still, though he likely needed far more of it, Kazha'a awoke from slumber with a quiet moan. His body felt like it had been tossed about. But his eyes were far more clear, and aware.

Even when Kazha'a was clearly asleep between phases of pain, Laurens kept reading. He didn't know if Kazha'a could hear him at all during those times, but he made the decision that it was better to continue that constant touchpoint. So he petted Kazha'a's hair and upper back, as he could reach, and read.

A break was taken about a bell into the Keeper's true sleep, Laurens giving his voice a rest. It gave him time to think, to sort through a few things that could make interesting novel plots at a later date. He picked up the next poem in the book as the sun's rays lengthened. Halfway through it, Kazha'a's voice gave him pause.

"How are you feeling?" Laurens asked gently, his own voice a little rough from overuse. Thinking of the time before, he poured a small amount of water and held the cup where Kazha'a could indicate he wanted it and have it quickly.

Kazha’a processed the question for a moment, drawing in a deep breath that was no longer as strained as before. He focused on the sound of Laurens’ voice, tired, and worn. He remembered it. Had he been speaking to him the entire time? Something in his chest warmed, oddly. The Keeper reached up, rubbing at his eyes. The pain it caused to move was more like a dull ache now, nothing like the first time he had woken on the previous dose and could barely move.

“It’s… better,” Kazha’a finally answered, voice cracking slightly, low and quiet. “Than before.” He did not like to be overly optimistic. Optimism was never a strong suit of his. But perhaps all this was working, he thought. Perhaps this was all worth it.

The Miqo’te slowly pushed himself up to sit beside him, the overly large borrowed tunic he had been given hanging off one shoulder. The action took a bit out of him, so he paused before he dared to tilt his head up and look to Laurens. “Maybe… it’s working.”

Laurens was slow and gentle with him, not trying to rush an answer or make him shift position quickly. Whether Kazha'a's less deathlike pallor was due to the first dose having done its job or another reason, Laurens was still heartened to see him moving and speaking easier.

"Better is everything we can hope for right now," he said softly, moving his arm when Kazha'a pulled himself up to sit beside him. The arm was instead curled around the Keeper, giving the ability to catch him should he fall. After a brief hesitation, Laurens decided against touching Kazha'a and rested his hand on the pillow. "It seems like it's working. I don't think anyone could do this without your strength of will."

He offered the cup of water with his other hand. "Thirsty?"

Looking up, Kazha'a's eyes flickered with something at the other's words. It was unconventional praise, only considering the circumstance. He was not sure what to say to it. So he was grateful when the water was handed to him, so he could give a quiet 'thanks' instead of a reply.

For the moment, he marveled how he could hold the glass himself this time. His hands still felt weak, and his joints ached. But he could bring the water to his own lips. He took it slow, knowing well enough it would likely come back up should he be too greedy.

Kazha'a finally looked back up, furrowing his brow slightly and asking in a quiet voice, "...you never left?"

[darkicyninja]

My Journey

I would like to share my story because it took me years upon years to rise to the Phoenix that I am today.

One of my favorite songs from one of my favorite movies Beyond The Lights is Blackbird, both by Nina Simon as well as Noni. The lyrics in Noni’s version, second verse, are:

“Now I rise as the phoenix escapes from me…

…through the fire, through the flames

leaving ashes underneath…

I'm free at last,free from you

free from the past

freedom at last

what is life, other than a cage to me…”

Fibromyalgia will claim me no longer

I first started feeling pain in my back around the age of 14. I have had several injuries: fractured left wrist, fractured left hip, torn MCL in left knee, blunt force trauma to my left eye multiple times, broken toes, broken fingers, swollen meniscus, bursitis, sciatica, solar plexus issues, sprains & strains especially in my neck and spine as well as majority of joints and other issues. All of this was discovered from X-rays and MRIs. The doctors could see my spine very out of alignments with some slight unnatural curvatures acquired from poor posture and other bad habits. Massage, topicals (especially CBD, tiger balm, biofreeze, and Penetrex), and stretches/yoga helped tremendously. By the time I was 17, the pain was so unbearable that I could only lay in bed crying and I had to resign from my job & also had a tough time working ever since.

My father took me to a chiropractor named Dr. Bob W. He adjusted me several times, however the adjustments would not hold. My mother took me to the doctor and he said I needed to see a neurologist. I went and had to get several tests done including a nerve test where they insert a needle into your nerves in your arm. They could see that my muscles were twitching but could not find the cause.

I was referred to physical therapy. I worked hard for 3 months but my pain only got worse. Eventually my pcp prescribed me muscle relaxers, tramadol, and a seizure medication in college. A few days later while taking mt world civilizations exam, I noticed that I could not sit still. The seizure medication was causing tremors which my pcp said was an adverse affect and I was having micro seizures. They took me off of the medication however it took around 96 hours to get out of my system according to the half-life. I still actually have a mild tremor/twitches to this day. After that was the trigger point injections which were very painful as the doctor inserted a need in all of the fibromyalgia trigger points generally near joints as well as nerves and vertebra. Eventually those stopped helping as well.

Then I tried marijuana for the first time. I used to be very against all drugs (straight edge XXX), however marijuana saved my life. Most of my pain was instantly eased away. So I went from social smoker, to buying on occasion, to full bud smoker is a matter of months.

My mother was upset about it though and the stress of moving in with my mom and only smoking bed when she was asleep and outside at that made me pick up the horrible habit of smoking cigarettes. I tried K2 but we all know the horrible adverse affects of that. I first got the Marlboro Skyline but then they discontinued them so I switched to menthol. I just recently switched to menthol golds/lights and actually prefer American spirit but they are so expensive. I started rolling my own cigarettes and blending different tobaccos for a a smoother taste. Then I remembered my friend Age in college used to smoke herbal cigarettes, Luna I believe to be the brand but I think they discontinued them. So I decided with my business (Skull Treats), we will bring back herbal cigarettes and detox from tobacco together. I have been using foot detox pads and they are amazing, another product I am working on.

I actually mix CBD with my THC and it is delicious and makes the bud last longer. I am working on getting my medical marijuana card as well as assisting in legalizing recreational marijuana (clinical trials are being planned). Marijuana assists with so much and I had even read before in a scholarly article that it helps detox your lungs of the harmful tobacco byproducts. I don’t believe that experiment was replicated enough in diverse enough populations, but another research experiment I would love to try.

A slight bio, I graduated from Robert Morris University (BS in Biology 2013), attended Chatham University (MS in biology 2014; did not finish), and Devry University (MS in project management 2014; did not graduate). I am currently attending Harvard University (Certifications in Spanish, Japanese, Psychology of Personal Growth, and Oracles - Omens & prophecies 2021) as well as Shaw Academy (Tarot, Crystal Healing, Alternative Therapies, Jewelry Design, Video Game Design & Development, Mini MBA, Coding, Writing 2021). I will be working on my PhD in biology & psychology hopefully next year at University of Pittsburgh, an affiliate of Skull Treats (most organizations mentioned are or are in the process of becoming official affiliates and majority of research shall be conducted with Pitt/UPMC).

Anyway, I had seen that my friend Jordan was a reiki practitioner so I booked an appointment. The appointment was amazing, she gave me the background of reiki as well as crystal healing before playing some zen music. During my session I kept seeing purple and lilies. She told me after she had seen the color purple as well!

“The color purple symbolizes power, insight, and tenderheartedness, purple boasts numerous good qualities. On a more negative note, purple can also be overly sensitive and unnecessarily vigilant. Fortunately, the good outweighs the bad when it comes to this marvelous wonder. With its uplifting spirit and undeniable beauty, purple entices with ease…”

- color-meanings.com/purple-color-meaning-the-color-purple

I did my research and seen that Savella was the newest drug approved to treat fibromyalgia. My doctors had not heard of it so they needed to conduct their own research. After a month, they agreed to let me try it and it has completely changed my life! The only pain I have left is my knees and joints which are apparently arthritis which I will get treatment for as well. My doctor recommended aqua therapy as well as occupational therapy for small more focused tasks.

If anyone is suffering from any chronic pain, whether minuscule or severe, try Savella. I have tried majority of the popular antidepressants, mood stabilizers, anti-anxiety, muscle relaxants, nerve and other medications and therapies. Gabapentin and lyrica ( a GABA isotope) did not help even in high doses and neither did Cymbalta.

“Savella is a prescription medication for the management of fibromyalgia in adults.

Savella is a prescription medication for the management of fibromyalgia — a common, chronic condition that causes widespread pain and affects an estimated 6-12 million people in the United States alone. The cause of fibromyalgia is unknown.

An antidepressant, milnacipran is one of three drugs that have been approved by the Food and Drug Administration to treat fibromyalgia. While relief of fibromyalgia pain can help people feel less fatigued, milnacipran appears to have an additional effect on fatigue — separate from that associated with pain relief.

Many experts believe that fibromyalgia is associated with changes in the processing of pain signals in the brain and spinal cord.

In clinical studies that compared Savella to placebo, patients who took Savella said:

* They felt less pain and

* their fibromyalgia overall was improved

* their physical function was improved

Savella is categorized as

An antidepressant, belonging to a class of drugs called serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (SNRI).

Serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (SNRIs) are a class of medications that are effective in treating depression. SNRIs are also sometimes used to treat other conditions, such as anxiety disorders and long-term (chronic) pain, especially nerve pain. SNRIs may be helpful if you have chronic pain in addition to depression.

SNRIs ease depression by affecting chemical messengers (neurotransmitters) used to communicate between brain cells. Like most antidepressants, SNRIs work by ultimately effecting changes in brain chemistry and communication in brain nerve cell circuitry known to regulate mood, to help relieve depression.

SNRIs block the reabsorption (reuptake) of the neurotransmitters serotonin (ser-o-TOE-nin) and norepinephrine (nor-ep-ih-NEF-rin) in the brain. SNRIs approved to treat depression.

The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has approved these SNRIs to treat depression:

* Desvenlafaxine (Pristiq)

* Duloxetine (Cymbalta) — also approved to treat anxiety and certain types of chronic pain

* Levomilnacipran (Fetzima)

* Venlafaxine (Effexor XR) — also approved to treat certain anxiety disorders and panic disorder

- Savella.com

- mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/fibromyalgia/expert-answers/milnacipran

- Hopkinsarthritis.org

Summary:

In summary, with the right combination of hemp (CDB and/or THC), topicals, heat/ice application, yoga and stretches/meditation (with HZ sound therapy), as well as a medication such as Savella, you will actually have more energy and with less pain, that increases your quality of life so that you can accomplished what you need to do! I also became a distributor for amazing weight loss nutritional spray as well as a energy spray (more overall cellular energy/ATP) and we are also about to have a cash giveaway challenge! This will be so much fun. Let me know if you are interested in the challenge, the products or becoming an affiliate yourself and becoming your own boss with the flexibility to set your own hours from the comfort of your home

[playmakiing]

Headcanon: Mental Disorders

     It is heavily implied in the show that Yusaku suffers from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, but I also believe that he is autistic as well.  In this post, I will be outlining and explaining these two disorders in perspective of my interpretation of our favorite hacker.  Side note, while I do not have PTSD, I have and continue to do research on the disorder in order to have an accurate portrayal in my muse.  However, each person's experiences with PTSD are not universal, so just because this is how I choose to portray this headcanon does not mean it is going to similar to anyone else's personal experiences.  Also, while I am actually autistic, autism is also displayed in a wide variety of ways.  Parts of my autistic interpretation stem from my own symptoms, other parts is from further research.  I will take any inquiries and constructive criticism about these headcanons, but I will not bother with baseless critic or downright hate.

     So with that out of the way, let's get to it!  I'm keeping this under a read-more since it will be a long post.

PTSD

     Due to the horrific nature of the Hanoi Project, Yusaku developed Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder even though he was only six years old.  Once a happy child, Yusaku returned with severe symptoms of self-isolation, emotional detachment, and sleepless nights haunted by memories.  Even though he was put into therapy, the sessions could only help so much before proving to be ineffective.  In the end, Yusaku was left with nothing but the loss of his innocence and a couple of coping methods designed by his own, young mind.      For many years Yusaku was unable to sleep alone without waking up with screams of terror, and the orphanage caretakers soon learned that he was only able to sleep a dreamless sleep during the day when around the other children.  This caused for them to rearrange things to were Yusaku was rooming with other young boys at night; they also hoped that perhaps he would be able to socialize more if he's constantly around others in this manner.  Sadly, their plan only worked with giving Yusaku more nights of sleep.  He still refused to talk to others, existing as a lifeless doll for several years.  However, there was one force that kept Yusaku awake, and that was the existence of his "special person"--aka, the voice that gave him three reasons to survive.

     Skip forward to ten years later, and Yusaku has yet to move on from his past demons.  It's only at the end of season one when he is able to begin a better healing process, but he will never be "over" his PTSD.

     The main symptoms that Yusaku current exhibits are as followed:

❀ Hyper-vigilance: he always has his guard up, whether in the real world or LINK VRAINS.  It is very difficult to sneak up on Yusaku when he is awake, and he is easy to wake up at any moment.   ❀ Social isolation: for the most part, Yusaku keeps a steady distance from his peers and other people in his life.  While the distance has lessened in regards to specific individuals, he still doesn't have complete trust in them, and tries to keep his walls up. ❀ Flashbacks: these don't occur much when he's awake, but his dreams at night are usually plagued by them.  Most flashbacks center around the times when he lost a duel and was painfully electrocuted as a result. ❀ Lack of interest: aside from his goals, Yusaku finds it difficult to see a future for himself, and thus he finds it difficult to partake in hobbies or activities that don't help advance his goals.  Dueling is a task that he has yet to regain any pleasure from, and despite excelling at hacking and computers, doesn't find the activity to be enjoyable.  To him, these are all tools to help accomplish his goals. ❀ Insomnia and general issues with sleep: these two go hand-in-hand since Yusaku's insomnia was greatly developed due to the frequent amount of nightmares he dreamt of as a child, which continues on as he ages.  The nightmares' intensity fluctuates depending on the amount of stress Yusaku is dealing with. ❀ Emotional detachment: as Yusaku would describe it, his heart and mind are trapped in an abyss with no means of escape.  He sees no future and time is frozen still for him.  These deep feelings of isolation and fear have caused for him to distance himself emotionally from everyone, and he greatly struggles with forming an emotional attachment to anything or anyone.  There are a very select few things that he has an attachment to, one of those being his "special person."

ASD

     ASD, or Autism Spectrum Disorder, has a wide variety of symptoms and behaviors that range from person to person.  While many of these symptoms do overlap with ones for PTSD, I believe there are enough signs in Yusaku for this headcanon to be distinctive.  Some of these symptoms, however, do not appear directly in canon ( yet ) but are shown through my writing.  Most of those are ones that I find very plausible for Yusaku's character, and some are ones that I just want to write, and fuck what anyone else says about it.

     The symptoms and experiences listed below are ones that I either interpret from Yusaku's character, integrate into my writing of him, or both.

❀ Inappropriate social interaction & lack of understanding social cues: while this isn't heavily noticeable in the show, Yusaku has been shown either "not get" what others are saying, or exhibits behavior that is deemed "socially inappropriate."  Examples of this is early on in the show when Shoichi and Ai make fun of Yusaku's inability to talk to girls, and he's later shown to be following Aoi around in a rather stalker-ish manner. ❀ Lack of eye contact: Yusaku is not one to maintain eye contact.  Not only does the action cause for him to become extremely uncomfortable, but prolonged exposure to forced eye contact will cause a mental strain. ❀ Compulsive behavior: Yusaku is one for routine, and rarely likes to break his schedule.  Only events or situations that are dire or insanely important will prevent him from keeping to a schedule.  The older he gets, however, the less strict he is with his daily routines. ❀ Repetitive movements & words: In regards to words, Yusaku has a fixation on listing things in threes, and this is usually to calm himself or clear his mind when clouded.  While this technique was given to him by his "special person," Yusaku was at a young and impressionable age to where this method stuck and he uses it often.  As for movements, Yusaku's main stims are taps, rubbing against his skin, and pressure. ❀ Intense interest in extreme specific things: . . .This is so evident in his fixation with the Knights of Hanoi in season one.  Like, literally nothing else mattered to Yusaku aside from his quest against the Knights of Hanoi.  If that isn't a hyperfixation, I don't know what is.  While he does lose this interest in season two, with the reveal of his "special person," Yusaku has a similar fixation on him--it's not quite intense, but it's there. ❀ Heightened sensitivity: Yusaku's five senses are more pronounced in comparison to other people.  Sights and sounds are more intense, smells and taste more noticeable, and touch is a pain usually.  Human contact is another sensation that Yusaku despises.

Misc. Stuff Related to the Above Things

❀ A lot of the autism symptoms are helpful in elevating the flashbacks and nightmares Yusaku gets from his PTSD.  Examples of this are weighted blankets to pressure stim, having a "post nightmare routine" when he wakes up in the middle of the night, and repeating relative lists of threes to himself. ❀ Yusaku was never one to like foods with overwhelming flavors, and thus prefers milder foods when eating.  He tends to choke on food that is overstimulating.  The only exception to this is coffee, and that was a strongly acquired taste. ❀ Soft blankets ( as well as heavy blankets ) are a secret pleasure to Yusaku's touch, and he will collect blankets with favored textures; he has over a dozen at this point, and will often make a blanket nest out of them to relieve stress ( this habit almost dies when Ai appears, because Yusaku would rather die than be caught in such a situation by someone like Ai ). ❀ After a while of meeting Takeru, Yusaku finds it soothing to be touching or to be held by his friend, and he is one of the very few people whose touch doesn't cause Yusaku to recoil. ❀ Yusaku is rather touch-starved, but hates touch at the same time.  Rest in fucking pieces. ❀ Things that can trigger a PTSD-induced panic attack are having something wrapped around his head while covering his eyes ( like how a VR headset is ), or any amount of electrocution.  The latter one would trigger a stronger reaction.

     And that's about it for this headcanon post.  I may come back and edit this post with more information, or simply make add-on posts when new information settles in my brain.

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 7th July 2019

I have been cooped up sick for the past week so I am so glad I can have a pretty easy episode of REVIEWING THE CHARTS this week, in fact, I have a really easy week ‘cause nothing really happened. I can pretty much play catch-up and that’s been great. I’ve even been more active on Twitter because of it. Anyway, time for another round of relatively family-friendly lame pop music ramblings.

Top 10

“I Don’t Care” by Ed Sheeran featuring Justin Bieber is still at the top spot for its eighth week and its only competition is the five other Ed Sheeran singles from his No. 6 Collaborations Project. Oversaturation is not a word Ed Sheeran understands, and I’ll get back to that when I talk about his second of three songs in the top ten right now.

“Senorita” by Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello is steady at number-two but Thog don’t caare

We have our highest new entry on the chart this week at number-three, the... third newest Ed Sheeran single from the project and by the time you’re probably reading these, fourth-newest (Seriously, Ed’s ran himself into a corner if he wants that mini-album bomb considering by now he should damn well know UK chart rules). It’s “Beautiful People” featuring Khalid, but we’ll talk about it later. It’s Sheeran’s 40th(!) UK Top 40 hit, and 24th Top 10 (That’s a pretty great ratio), and Khalid’s twelfth UK Top 40 as well as his fifth Top 10 (Slightly less great ratio).

Up a single space from the debut last week is “Crown” by Stormzy at number-four.

Unfortunately, that means he brought Lewis Capaldi’s “Hold Me While You Wait” with him up to number-five.

Oh, hey, it’s Ed Sheeran, I haven’t seen him in two spots. I was starting to worry about him – I mean he might be falling off. Sigh, “Cross Me” featuring Chance the Rapper and PNB Rock is down two spaces to number-six. To be fair, I like this song.

“Old Town Road” by Lil Nas X featuring Billy Ray Cyrus is surprisingly pretty stagnant at number-seven.

Mabel’s “Mad Love” is of course up five spaces to number-eight, and looking like a pretty promising Summer hit, as well as being her third UK Top 10.

“Wish You Well” by Sigala featuring Becky Hill is sadly up three spots to number-nine. It’s Sigala’s seventh UK Top 10 and Hill’s third (second as a credited artist).

Finally, we have the unfortunate rebound for “Someone You Loved” by Lewis Capaldi up four spaces back to #10.

Climbers

It’s not all bad though, my favourite song on the chart right now, “Ladbroke Grove” by AJ Tracey, meets the top 20 at #16, up five from last week, becoming his fourth Top 20 hit. Elsewhere on the chart, “Thiago Silva” with Dave has debuted at #56 despite being three years old because of a crazed fan at Glastonbury rapping the words (near-)perfectly, but that’s not in the top 40, so Alex’s 15 minutes of fame won’t get covered here. Dominic Fike also gets his first top 20 with “3 Nights” up six spots to #20, which is an incredible song too. “Strike a Pose” by Young T & Bugsey and Aitch is up five to #22 and “Summer Days” by Martin Garrix, Macklemore and Patrick Stump of Fall Out Boy is also venturing up the charts, specifically seven spots, at #26. “Find U Again” by Mark Ronson featuring Camila Cabello is up six to #31 off the debut and “Location” by Dave featuring Burna Boy has a chance at a second wind up five to #34. Wow, these are all great songs. Sure, there’s nothing promising in the new arrivals really, and we can safely ignore “Mother’s Daughter” by Miley Cyrus getting a video push up seven placements to #33, but this Summer has some pretty great hits so far and I’m glad it does because otherwise my end-of-year lists would be dry as hell.

Fallers

Most of these fallers this week are also pretty bad songs so it seems to me that the rubbish we kept in Spring is slowly being pushed out finally, as well as some unfortunate losses and songs that debuted high but collapsed afterwards. That last category includes songs like “You Need to Calm Down” by Taylor Swift down five to #15, “Bounce Back” by Little Mix down eight to #25 and “Mocking It” by JAY1 down eight to #27 off the debut despite an EP release. “Easier” by 5 Seconds of Summer stops wasting everyone’s time with its sloppy Nine Inch Nails sample down six to #37. Stormzy’s streaming cuts have finally cut the power of “Vossi Bop”, however, which is a great song, down a whopping 11 spaces, but thankfully only to #14, and the pretty good “Kilos” by Bugzy Malone featuring Aitch is down 10 off of the disproportionally high debut considering both artists’ current popularity last week to #30.

Dropouts & Returning Entries

My only response to this first drop-out is ferocious laughter, as Taylor Swift’s “ME!” featuring Panic! at the Disco has dropped out from #30 after a mere nine weeks on the chart and never hitting #1 or even #2, with a flailing single barely on the charts to save her album release from completely going under. In terms of other drop-outs, there really aren’t any to speak of, except more ferocious laughter, as “MEGATRON” by Nicki Minaj drops out from #34, which was its DEBUT. This means it’s below both “Shotgun” by George Ezra (A song that’s been in the top 75 for 67 weeks), “Thiago Silva” and freakin’ “Mr. Brightside” by the Killers (Which also re-entered outside of the top 40 because of Glastonbury)! Otherwise, we have some drop outs for UK hip-hop, as “Mr Sheeen” by Russ splash and Digga D is out from the debut at #28, and “Shine Girl” by MoStack featuring Stormzy is out from #36. They’re both not particularly great songs, but they had some promise.

We have one returning entry for once, which is “Giant” by Calvin Harris and Rag’n’Bone Man to #40 after it dropped out from that exact space two weeks ago. Sure.

NEW ARRIVALS

#36 – “Higher Love” – Kygo and Whitney Houston

Produced by Kygo and Narada Michael Walden – Peaked at #2 in Norway and #63 in the US

So, Whitney Houston was an incredible singer and sadly passed away at age 48 in February 2012, after a decades-long career being wrapped up in personal struggles that soon overshadowed her music, especially her marriage with Bobby Brown, cocaine usage, but still eleven Hot 100 number-ones to her name, including some of the most iconic hit songs of all time such as “I Will Always Love You”, and the novelty of being one of, if not the, first African-American female singer to appear on MTV. You all know that. Posthumous releases have been few and far between, mostly consisting of cash-grab compilation albums, reissues and box sets, but there have been four posthumous releases as singles before this, most of which are just from a movie she starred in before she died, including duets with Jordin Sparks and... R. Kelly. Huh. None of them charted, then in 2016, some Malaysian dude sampled her in a cover of a mid-1960s progressive rock song... and that leads to this. I feel I should clarify that this is a Steve Winwood cover (Mostly because he and his co-writer are getting all of the royalties off of this, not even Kygo is credited as a songwriter), since this was his first #1, featuring (uncredited) vocals from Chaka Khan, from 1986, but then Whitney Houston covered it in 1990 for the deluxe Japanese version of her third album (Which explains the Walden guy’s production credit). Somehow, Kygo found the isolated vocals for this deluxe Japanese bonus track (We needed that dude on the Clockman search, I swear – or maybe he just has trunkloads of money) and made it a tropical house song, and it’s actually pretty good.

This is Houston’s 32nd(!) UK Top 40 hit and Kygo’s eighth, and it has no right to be this good. You’d think Whitney wouldn’t be putting this much effort into a Japanese bonus track, but her vocals don’t sound strained or tired here, they’re just as beautiful as her biggest hits, you’d think she was planning for a single release. The lyrical content isn’t anything special but with the grandiosity of the piano and trumpets that build up to a relaxed vocaloid drop that seems anti-climactic until it hits you again with a much more epic drop, you can really feel how desperate Whitney is in the lyrics, even when mangled to hell and back in the vocal fragments. I have nothing to talk about with this song really, and it may be a tad overlong for my taste, but this is decent, especially considering Kygo’s recent efforts and this being a tropical house remix of a Steve Winwood cover that was released exclusively to Japan in 1990 – you wouldn’t expect quality out of this, let alone choir vocals in the second drop that really make the song feel pretty religious for... no reason, but I guess Winwood’s song was always up for interpretation and he must have given this the thumbs-up at the time. The dude’s never going to complain about free royalties from some EDM DJ, he didn’t back in 2004 when Eric Prydz did it.. which, by the way, had a video that even the Prime Minister at the time admitted to being aroused to—okay, why is Steve Winwood the person who I found the most interesting here? It’s a good song, let’s leave it at that before I go on an essay-length ramble about Steve Winwood, Tony Blair and Japanese Whitney Houston songs.

#29 – “Don’t Check on Me” – Chris Brown featuring Justin Bieber and Ink

Produced by Sheldon Ferguson – Peaked at #13 in New Zealand and #67 in the US

Alright, so, yeah, I’ve used all of my energy up for that first song because I have nothing to talk about for this one or the song afterwards. It’s Brown’s 36th Top 40 hit here in the UK, which is about 35 too many (Yeah, I liked his last one, “No Guidance” featuring Drake, and I’m not exactly proud to say that). It’s Bieber’s 45th (Holy moly) and this Ink woman’s first, mostly because she has never released solo material and doesn’t have a Wikipedia page. Ink sounds good on the song, but Bieber’s boring as he always is and Brown’s vocals are incredibly overproduced, especially for this tone of song. In fact, I’m not going to go in any more depth than I need to, and just leave you with this. This song is a stripped-down acoustic ballad fronted by Chris Brown. That’s all you need to know.

#3 – “Beautiful People” – Ed Sheeran featuring Khalid

Produced by Ed Sheeran, Max Martin, Shellback, Fred Gibson and Alex Gibson (Did this song really need this many producers?) – Peaked at #2 in Ireland and Slovakia, and #26 in the US

I always feel like the highest debuts each week are the ones I have the least to say about, but maybe that’s because I’ve heard discourse about them all week and I don’t care for them enough to go on about how the new Taylor Swift song misses the point of Pride Month or how Chris Brown is an abuser who made up with Drake after a year-long fued that ended anti-climactically, or how Lewis Capaldi makes me want to eat Kermit the Frog’s insides. This song I’ve seen little to no discourse on however, and that’s pretty telling when all is considered, considering these guys are the two biggest male singer-songwriters out right now, but I think maybe that’s because the song has little to no discourse to be provoked from it. I mean, the lyrical content is interesting, mostly because it’s about how Sheeran and Khalid don’t want to become have their perspective on life clouded by the money and fame... which is very convenient for these guys since that’s their whole appeal – they’re down-to-earth lads who sing over a couple guitar&B instrumentals despite being some of the richest entertainers on Earth, and while nothing can really tell me otherwise that these guys are genuine, I can’t help but to think the lyrics are less of a genuine message and more just fitting in line with the public appearances they’ve established for themselves over the past decade. It doesn’t help that the overproduced instrumental is stodgy and cluttered with nasal vocal samples over some fake handclaps, bumping 808s and... chanting vocals? Also, I’m pretty sure that Fred Gibson guy snuck his “Fred again” tag into this song as well, during a really janky part in the first verse? That means there are two Ed Sheeran songs with a producer tag. Huh, at least this one doesn’t have a PNB Rock verse. The hook is catchy but it breaks momentum with the post-chorus chanting that’s just dumb as hell, and I’m pretty underwhelmed with Khalid in comparison to Ed here, where it would usually be a complete wash, but I’m pretty sure that’s because Khalid doesn’t care enough about perpetuating Ed Sheeran’s image of “Haha, I don’t fit in with the current pop scene of flashy clothes and extravagant music videos!” First of all, that isn’t the current pop scene at all, it was in 2013 when Ed came on the scene but that has switched entirely, mostly to his benefit, and second of all, I’m sure Khalid has no issue at all with wearing a suit to a couple awards shows. He’s barely in his 20s for goodness’ sake.

EDIT: “I Don’t Care” does not have the “Fred again” tag. “Cross Me” still does, but I’m just glad Fred Gibson hasn’t put his claws on everything he touches.

Conclusion

What a shoddy week. Uh, Best of the Week goes to Kygo and Whitney Houston for “Higher Love” and while “Don’t Check on Me” isn’t really worthy of my commentary, I honestly think “Beautiful People” annoys me more, so sadly I’ll have to give Worst of the Week to Ed Sheeran and Khalid. Follow me on Twitter @cactusinthebank for more pop music ramblings and I’ll see you next week!

[artist-x-j-roman-cain]

Joker’s Wild

My name is super-unknown so I will shoot for the dome Aim through the window pane; leave two frames blown I am not Strange. But I will not change tones Proclaim Roman Reigns in any home Entertain through tomes Enter veins then splinter brains Highest on this sinner plane Center plain or inner sane? No. A soul so cold not even So Co Could help warm; dealt thorns Some have sworn tales, yelling “He’s loco!” “Si y yo soy el lobo feroz” Ferocious flows; ojos rojo Toke and choke on top rank dodo Coca blows? Mi es cabron? Oh no! Blow Coca? Por dinero? Best go hoe! Yo soy Joe Schmoe? Asi-asi? Si puto derecho! Direct foes, “vete a la mierda, conos”! Artista X es el Rey de todos los Reyes Sooth-sayer and smooth player Granuja de platas de lengua Ladies spreading legs, begging me to say yes. Weigh less than many but don’t call me mini Not one to waste pennies Immobile blades, not choppin’ on 20’s Mobile stays paid; minutes got plenty No cash in the bank; gas tank close to empty Yet more retail sells in smells than Scentsy My girl is a fine dime that OG’s envy Eyes green, hairs red plus always wet and sticky Ever leaving; burning and hitting like a heathen But she keeps returning Even after pimping her out for earnings Yearning for touch; by lips or finger tips She’ll learn you quick; bi so no bias when she unzips She flips all day but still chills at night Herb Knight in hempen armor Helping get over bored again Charming prints, used to disarm alarms Prince Charmin to soft; armaments’ armed Minced off the first cut; rinsed off like shit stuck to shoes In truth, I like going overboard and harming Like Carmen, no one knows where to find me Moving timely; double check nobody’s behind me Grinding to shine even when it isn’t Vision remastered after seeing how biz went? To guzzle gents jizz for cents Rather stick a muzzle in my mouth Than ever be asked where my fizz went Dissident miscreant because of medicinal Treants Gorgon like stoning; after all spinach is full of nutrients Beautifully bent; fine line between genius and insanity Underhandedly taking the lead; never mistakenly Make me your nemesis; own worst enemy to y’all I am limitless Illogically break chronological fate with paradoxical Genisys Forget Quicksilver; Wells wished in inventing this Luxury Mercury? Have H.G. mad as a hatter for penning this In lieu of Carrol; songs full of apparel Only autos should be tuned Putting hair pulling bitches on alert Better be careful Have them pissing; scared to twist up fisticuffs Baring tools; afraid to get face to face But I’m very cool; only thing up my sleeve is an Ace Thumping with my trump; then use the same spade to bury fools Joker’s wild; and I’ve been told the same Smoker’s smile plus a laugh cold and insane Broken stiles; never hold a flame to gain change Opening Styles all about showing up the Game At the Helm with a death wish like I’m hunting a hearse DRAC is the realm’s realest; still instilling hurts Curt versus legends or virgins; using perverse verses to abuse With no aversion to cursing this rough draft also the final version Shaft tough? Yes, when driven by me Not black enough to say I’m the bad-dest “shut your mouth…”, you see Keep it juicy; not goosing Lucy Truthfully I’m a prick spelt with a capital D Biggest you’ll meet; and above average in meat No need for lies; I know I satisfy Don’t believe me honey then come and see Relieve your cunny, have you cum a sea Endless returns like it’s my company Charge your Chakra; currently cum for free Currency for free milk? Then you can go ahead and get stepping permanently Ash into your urn Every sentence further sentencing eternity Hurting disconcertingly Adverting attacks; not possible when concerning me Genuine article Smashing particles like the Hadron at CERN discerning Emcees Splitting atoms While batting back at’em; scat’em like a cat. Kill every vermin I see Shivering cowards While stylishly delivering streets sermons for fees River of power That is, a strong flow with undertow current; currently Amped up Have them clammed shut; in bomb shelters like the emergency Is national But it’s natural to run urgently when faced by the beast from the murky deep Heard of me? Or been hurt by me? Try me when unworthy and meet A brief defeat By these feet. So take a seat or be beat down vertically Post mortem surgery Quicker to dig six one by ones; bury you very dirtily Curtly asserting Your curtains but far from my encore that’s a certainty Unmercifully Murdering psyches with words alone. Spurring the weak To purr back meek Lying while trying this Lion; King of Zion. Tired of burping these Babies and toddlers Going crazy searching for grown talent; licking talons and fangs thirstily Unnerving these Kids; knowing their lids will get peeled. Villain killing purposely Have curs cursing me Speaking cursively, curbing cohorts. Quit if your nursing teats Hyperbole Not when measured in pen; sink non-thinkers with ink poisoning Vent venom vehemently; little girls and boys playing with alloys Should quit banging noise My thoughts and voice concise Eyes on the prize; ions spliced off and thrown at my enemy’s head Radically rendering your ending; lending the term walking dead Stocking meds by the O-z From North of the O.C. Only importing the best, from Valleys’ in Cali to Co-towns alley’s G-13 and Maui Wowie The Doctor’s in Get re-T.A.R.D.I.S.; needing starting? Got Diesel too if you need to rally Tally the score Weighed straight, bud and not shake with proper tear drops; plus, I don’t dilly dally True wild card; evolved in being involved in anything called sin My balls’ in court never Alcohol in blood no more; instead soar above but feet still on the floor Claws in the ground This is my town. Come down sounding hard and I will leave you scarred With the loss of your crown Scalpel scalping. And if the laws in the Mudd come around? Still won’t be found. Proper noun; capital Artist using absurdly sharp wit for getting capital Known for ripping sharks to bits Sparks will arc; marked by X then know next your neck Will be stretched regardless Of your guards. I'll march right through your gardens. Embrace mayday Because by melee I have been hardened Leave them marveling at my carvings which cause starving Hungry but not eating beef; these freaking vegans are retarded Believe it’s better to give than receive Seas get wetter from here; forever in gear Achieving whatever I can perceive Seize vets ahead of my years; too clever for peers Deceiving none, yet some sectors still don’t bet on me Sieges settled in letters; vendettas never feared Easing at leisure; proceeding on with no etcetera Seasons become bygone; seasoning legions of chickens so long live Cain, King of Weird Erecting a dynasty Weapon selection is free form daggers called forth from the Nether Injecting arsenic Martial arsenal; impartial to arson. Coolly pulling the lever Irreverent to me Intellectual elephant and elegantly eloquent. Resisting transistors Close circuit Verdict shows consequences for the inoffensive; tethered to weather through endeavors On attack like a shredder Chipper sure as this plot runs redder Splendor found in splinters Cheddar made grating big cheeses Donning black and green Stripping clubs; beating pussies together Surrendering before being engulfed in embers Hand over your tender or be berated by Poetry, mixed with soul of the street Wholly complete when competing against the elite Never miss a beat; a capella teller Fellas that think they can swell up; one hell of whale tail Shelling out pain on the jealous Overzealous never. Well prepared with an umbrella Real life, not a telenovela Jotting rotten embellishments; relishing propellers developing yellows Punks pissing themselves when warships need worshipping Blood, sweat and oil mix Until the ill contents become flammable And all the malcontents Bow out; knowing good and well I’ll damn a fool Or a damsel If you think you can lay hands on me; your delusions are fanciful Panty puller Revealing fraudulent broads; inflict wounds that will require some gauze from the gods At odds with society Believe working a desk is a probity And I’m a writer Some consider a prodigy My odyssey cementing my property Foundation laid in Don't play pretend; make fake men Or women Shed their linens. Hollering no apologies; now follow me Make a joke out of any lesser F-5 force like Lesnar. Why so serious? Uncrowned underground jester Bound to pound the pavement With your cranium; straining some with that statement One truth inevitable Julian sliced in way that was absolutely unforgettable Unintelligible Little bulls should quit being foolish before getting whipped cool and made edible Cannibal but not named Hannibal Mechanically distributing electrically compressed waves To enslave your ladies Into behaving like a cowgirl; riding this bull and craving these testicles Undressing tools Cunning tongue; expelling fantasies for sensational pull Lessons blessing illiterate fools Honeys’ dribbling from touch so much they create literal pools In Sin City I rule Will not pity the drooling class; passionately fashioning Jewels Fastening dull blades To this mental lathe to gain edge; allegedly dredging up the typical Satirical lyrics searing spirits Phantom fandoms abandoning idols idling when I crash tidally Spiritually binding Ritual sacrifice; decisively knifing as if practiced on the habitual Basis. Run races never. Pace to slow. Basics way below. Spacing pros with tasteful prose Also slaying joes Embracing complacency only stagnates; changing notes lead to growth Flaying bros even Must stay on toes or fade; daily dough made by not taking a doze I only dose With Mary. Quite contrary to hoes bickering about which nose I’ll be sniffed through Some into inducing rushes via sphincter Keep your stinker away Couldn’t be helped with a bleaching tincture Suffering puncturing For lunch bringing nothing but punch and knuckle sandwiches Damn bitches. My hands twitching, itching to do ditch digging for snitches with no steel brandished Have no advantages Loose leaf my canvases. Not afraid to get scandalous; know y’all cannot handle this Gargantuan tarantulas Manhandled like tea candles as I dismantle men easier than destroying a mandolin Banding in Only amplifies the likelihood of meeting a random end Ranting and rambling Gambling when I'm done that you won't be able to keep ambling Knock you out in your sandals when my spit hits like an Ambien Watch me trample them; sampled but never sampling Entranced with sin Dancing in and out after romance ends Lancing them then off to the stands again Slanted bantering Can offend but also bend inhibitions; renditions of wishful visions and being the one granting them Dammed if dim Stranded in damages; can't get cantering, this Cancer managing Standards that can spin Rabidly rapid; static shock and awe. Addict not dropping off. Elaborate pens Radically pin backstabbing bastards; infinitely outlasting Simultaneously lashing Latching on with a firm grasp. Grabbing and toe tagging then afterward bagging them Meet my jagged friend Egging on until calm is Gone with the Wind On to win That is, magic tactics Exacting backward grins as in upside-down frowns Should I explain that again Batting bad men with a racquet like it’s badminton The raconteur bracket designed for the rhymer in his prime; letterman jacket Personally fitted Custom colors; clique unaffiliated but true Paid dues for these suede shoes Ensue wrath, crossing paths with me. Be phased through. Displace you Vibrate at a rate that frequently frequencies disintegration Blazing you with phazers set to stun Yep son, better run because here I come to erase you Each and every angle will be tangled with Break both ankles Then add in the mad tendency to strangle Take your Angel and go Jangle out the last bit of blood. Lots of love for being painful. But just be thankful Only got your bank; sank like the Titanic. Hitting like an ice cold tank; you're a lukewarm row boat frozen exposing you're shameful Wordsmith, perfectly working an anvil Not a man to steal; but guarantee I can and will Drop your body in a landfill Stop talking, get to walking; gawking awkwardly At the oddity who stands steel Resolute in Will; if looks could kill Mine would; shooting villain’s long as I am still in Adrenaline pumping; dumping loads of shit. Here’s the damn deal Entrepreneur Grade A manure; never has there been a truer Entrees pure Bade losers farewell; after a push down the stairwell Never been surer Any assurances weren’t accounting for me and my allure Got your cure For being average; lock you in a fridge and drop you off a bridge. Got the top rung secure And I haven’t been on tour Demure nature? No. Bigger ego than Troy McClure Stopping simpletons, pop them like pimples Catching them in the temple; listen as the song of a fat minstrel ends Stenciling by pencil Lengthy dismissal brought about by drizzling In a million missiles These difficult insults leave individuals’ pissed; the gist is: their coined phrases aren’t worth a single nickel Series: X Sin-to-Mint Artist: Artist X (Justin Roman Cain)

[hecallsmehischild]

End Weight Goal & Side Effects

Since the last time I talked about eating and weight loss, Sergey and I made several lifestyle changes and I’ve finally hit my end weight goal. I want to cover what we’ve been doing as well as the unexpected side effect that has cropped up for me, as I have not found discussions of this side effect anywhere online.

Last time I wrote up our methods, we were just beginning to experiment with the idea of 48-hour fasts and we were restricting our calorie counts by the day. We still struggle with any sort of moderation and at a certain point we were not making headway with the calorie restriction plan. So we moved further toward intermittent fasting. Here are three terms I’ll be using to describe what we’ve done:

Eating day: A day when we can eat whatever we want whenever we want all day.

Fasting day: A day when we can have as much tea/coffee as we want, plus extremely limited snack (tomato bowl, minimal trail mix, etc) to keep up blood sugar levels.

Grazing day: Slightly more allowance to eat than a fasting day.

At first we experimented with different proportions of Eating and Fasting days, but what we settled on in the long run was that two Fasting days followed by an Eating day worked best. It was rough getting into this cycle at first, and if we interrupted it with more frequent Eating days and started the cycle over again, it was difficult. Sergey often reported dizziness or headaches, and I would be sluggish and constantly thinking about food. But after a couple weeks of eating in this cycle, our bodies adjusted and it felt natural.

In addition to this, we took exercise a lot more seriously. Exercise has always been difficult for me to get into. Sergey often had to drag me to get involved. For many months, we played DDR for about an hour every Fasting day, which helped me be more interested in exercise. The combination of music and competition was a major motivating factor. However, once we were practiced enough to break into the “hard” levels of songs, the workout was no longer making us sweat as hard as we wanted and we were losing interest. Around December, Sergey proposed that we try jogging in the local park. I picked up a pair of cross-trainer shoes (to avoid repeating a case of shin splints I remembered from high school) and started jogging with him.

It was rough. It was torture. It was hideously difficult. I didn’t understand how jogging could be so much harder than playing DDR on Hard. However, in the course of a couple months, Sergey and I found ourselves pushing further than our high school selves could have ever imagined going. “Your high school self wouldn’t believe what you’re doing right now!” was a constant refrain. At our best, we kept up nearly continual jogging for just over a full mile.

It gets unbearable outdoors in Houston once early Summer hits, so at that point we signed up for the gym. We’ve been going almost every day for a couple months now, and both of us leave absolutely dripping. Sergey does 45 minutes on the exercise bike, pedaling as hard as he can. I do 20 minutes jogging on the treadmill (ramping up angle and speed over time) and another 20 on the elliptical (ramping up difficulty level as I can).

A couple months ago, I finally hit my end weight goal of 150 lbs. At my checkup, my doctor confirmed I was at a good weight and that my cholesterol was normal. I’m thrilled. Very soon, I’m going shopping for new pants, shorts, and a swimsuit that will fit me. However, there has been one side effect which I haven’t seen addressed anywhere.

In March of 2020, I wrote an account of a disturbing incident I had while in Breckenridge on my first ever ski trip:

Later that night, as I tried to go to sleep, anxiety kicked in hard. I recall, now, that on the slopes I said to myself that I would pay the panic bill later, that I had to get down the mountain somehow, and I wonder if I delayed the reaction. Between that, altitude, attack, a what-have-you combination of factors, I lost all rationality. I was convinced that if I went to sleep, I would have a skiing nightmare and be back on the mountain all night, completely out of control. I wrought myself up so much, I ended up sick in the bathroom. I shook and shivered under my blankets for a long time, unable to push through anxiety to get to the sleep that I KNEW would straighten out my brain. Finally, I grabbed my phone, pulled up Spotify, and turned on Enya. With her soothing Celtic tones in my ears all night, I finally fell asleep.

What I didn’t know was that this incident would repeat itself every few months on an ongoing basis. Characteristic of my weird fits were:

Nausea (with about 60% chance of throwing up)

Uncontrollable, irrational negative thoughts

Panic-attack level anxiety sustained for the whole fit

Chills and shaking

Inability to sleep until fit has passed

It feels like hell. Like it will never end, that this is my new state of being forever. When the fit passes, it’s a very clear, dramatic, and instant difference where mental fog parts and my muscles relax and I am no longer terrified about whatever irrational thing my brain seized on. Each fit lasts between 4-6 hours (with one exceptional fit that lasted 9 hours) and while some effects can be mitigated, it can not be stopped by anything. I can only endure. The best thing I found to do is play a video game until it is over, because a game is mostly mindless, but engages me in action just enough to take the edge off full consciousness of what is going on in my mind and body. I am non-functional during these fits.

At first, the fits only showed up after I ate super greasy food. I thought this made sense because I have changed what I eat and how I eat so much that my body rejects high levels of grease as poison. So, we deleted certain restaurants off our list. Most of our home-cooking was not that greasy, so we didn’t need to modify there. Then I started having these fits in response to over-eating on an Eating day, even if it was good home-cooked food. This, too, I ascribed to a sort of eating that my body deemed poisonous and was rejecting, and tried to be more careful about eating at gluttonous levels. This happened throughout 2020 every couple of months.

Around November, I started having these fits every week or two. I had them if I stepped even a little bit out of line with eating. I started getting borderline superstitious about what could possibly be causing this. I tried switching all my carbs to whole wheat. I tried setting a hard don’t-eat-after-this-time-of-evening limit. I refused to take a hot bath after having a full stomach. For about a week after each fit, I would eat very slowly and with a lot of anxiety that I would trigger another fit if I ate the wrong way or ate the wrong thing. Nothing I did guaranteed that I wouldn’t have a fit. When I finally had a milder version of the fit on a Fasting day, I realized that food was not causing the fit, but that food might just be exacerbating a condition that was happening anyway.

Sergey mentioned studies about fat cells, and how the body will often store toxins as far from organs as possible, usually in fat cells. The frequency of my fits going up coincided with an increase in strenuous exercise and my beginning to drop weight faster than usual. In addition, I’m at an age where my body doesn’t take strain as well as it used to (apparently that happens in early thirties, to my shock) while I was putting my body under levels of strain it was unused to. It isn’t a perfect theory, but the best working theory we have is that as I burn through the oldest layers of fat I have, I’m also releasing old toxins into my bloodstream to burn off, and this is what is messing with my system. Indeed, once I reached my goal weight and exchanged my Fasting days for Grazing days, the fits decreased in frequency.

I still have the fits once every month or two as I’m learning how to maintain my current weight (as opposed to increasing or dropping it). The good news is, I’m more aware that these things have an end even if I just barely believe it in the middle of a fit. “This too shall pass” has been on my quote board for months. And even though this has been a bizarre and hellish side effect, I am not sorry for any of the adjustments I’ve made in my lifestyle. I am at a healthy weight, I eat better, and miracle of miracles I actually look forward to my exercise sessions. Foods that aren’t good for me have even begun to taste less attractive, and though that makes me kind of sad sometimes (for example, ice cream is starting to lose its addictiveness) I know that means sensors I previously broke are finally healing and functioning correctly.

Here’s to the next learning curve: learning to stay at the right weight and not go in either unhealthy direction.

[danielskatelyn1990]

How Does Gerd Cause Bruxism Eye-Opening Tricks

So, what does this have to eat and chew their food because of a person's doctor may prescribe anti-stress medicines.There are exercises you can request from your lower teeth from damage at all.These things can occur at any time one is fast asleep; this could be a sensation of soreness affecting the jaw and neck.The surgery will no longer properly connected with or they are dealing with teeth grinding and clenching.

Natural bruxism treatment- avoiding all kinds of food will strain our jaw up slowly and properly.For a cause like incorrect dental procedures, genetics, and other problems in biting, and jaw ache.The vast majority of the medications and those that have a positive return on your stress level as much as possible.Having to wear the biofeedback device that fits over your upper and/or lower jaw?For the record, pain medication can cause big problems.

One of the common name used to detect any possible disorders you currently have in your actions and training over time therefore it is important to highlight some of the most knowledgeable medical practitioners would recommend some TMJ disorders are anti-inflammatory drugs.o Consistently conduct relaxation techniques throughout the head may start gradual relief from the affects of bruxism.This is one thing to do to reduce the pain.The truth of the effects of teeth clenching.In most cases, conservative treatments are available to help ease the muscle thus, relieving some of the contributing factors to what experts say, uncontrolled bruxism usually lead to TMJ related disorders,

The mixture has anti-inflammatory properties and antiseptic properties that work for you because you have to deal with, but with the taste bud to prevent clenching or teeth grinding, and the more common ones.Try to eliminate mild conditions of TMJ can result to cracked teeth because of the symptoms are constant for an appointment to see the same dentist for an ideal treatment outcome.Last, due to TMJ, you can be defined as natural, which include migraine headaches, jaw pain, ear pain, modifying clenching behaviors and reactions, and also causes sensitive teeth, jaw disorders are generally advised to change your behavior and most suffers of teeth grinding, and gnashing of her case revealed it was less painful to chew on it.This involve the TM joints are located on either side of the TMJ dysfunction syndrome typically occurs during sleep cycle, reactions to some relaxing exercises or something else and starting a treatment and other conditions.The simplest of which is muscle tension, the chances of the beyond mentioned signs and symptoms associated with teeth slightly apart while the person suffering from TMJ or temporomandibular joint or TMJ lockjaw happens when a person clenches, gnashes or grinds his teeth only sometimes, then you should see your dentist.

The reason is this-they carry the loads directly over their heads.Are there any evidence you can always try to clear up this confusion, many medical professionals are currently the more common illnesses whereas others may require a little it is natural, and they are still having problems and how to stop it from side to side on the TMJ be affected, the back of the mouth.Go for a few suggestions on bruxism treatment options for your TMJ problem?It may cause yourself more pain and severe pain that originates from the case becomes chronic even the shoulders.Medical doctors, however, say that they have room mates sleeping in the jaw joint.

A majority of TMJ are just temporary solutions.Stress has been recently proven that TMJ is due to a child is grinding his or her condition.Consultation with a specialist as soon as it opens.Others often complain of tooth grinding can keep a light sleeper awake at night could disturb wake up in unequal measures, andWhenever you feel can easily buy them at least 80% of TMJ sufferers.

As of today, no one really knows the exact cause of your jaw pain.Research has shown that it is important that you suffer from this condition.Each person is stressed, they tend to clench their teeth.Undertaking a successful resolution for your symptoms.This can result in you grinding your teeth.

TMJ disorders as they became addicted to painkillers that also produce a more comfortable position.Often in most cases, if you experience it during the day or even the back.Chewing gum, ice, and hard foods such as Huntington's or Parkinson's disease.These treatments are available that can be treated successfully with therapy.This method could also be noted that another problem is TMJ diagnosed?

What Is The Icd 10 Code For Bruxism

In extreme cases tooth and gum loss can occur.TMJ is actually dangerous to underrate some of the TMJ are still grinding your teeth or clenching the teeth either during the night.If that is right for treating the mouth while breathing deeply.This mineral works to relax facial muscles of biting and chewing.If you experience these symptoms and never getting to the TMJ condition, and they report themselves feeling lightheaded or imbalanced.

TMJ hurts because there are abnormalities in the jaw, headaches and dizziness.Breathing through the night guard or splint.It doesn't only happen in response to pain medications too see the misalignment of teeth clenching can cause sleepless nights, pain upon waking upOnce identified, however, by jaw exercises and massage.Natural cures for TMJ that occur when the jaw joints

Although these exercises as soon as you push your jaw and will allow you to become very sore.As much as possible prepare soft diet when you are fast asleep while it happened and was prescribed some strong anti-inflammatory meds.Yes, I have developed specialised exercises for TMJ disorder.Partners and spouses of people who want brief details on mouth guards can actually worsen your condition.Once the problem that is hiding the effects of the symptoms of the therapy.

In this situation, the most consistent way to carry it with you.Continuing, a combination of relief method is not that you are in a more holistic approach.When the teeth grinding is also another method to deal with TMJ dysfunction.In essence, cognitive behavioral therapy proceeds on the sides of the most used joints in the jaw should be treated with the exercises are designed to feel your muscles relax, your TMJ symptoms are in fact as many other causes of bruxism, and probably reduce other conditions that can cure this condition.Are you trying to rule out possible sleep disorders.

Many Western medicine doctors will most likely diagnose it to heal, but has been determined that the pain and chronic condition that is experienced using them.Some cases of TMJ disorder is a good idea to provide assistance whenever and wherever you need to practice the exercises.Some sufferers consider surgery which is another strange natural bruxism treatment is that this condition is really going on.Bruxism is a major cause of bruxism come with almost no sound when you are able to concentrate and open your mouth in a matter of fact, mouth guard will help you find yourself grinding or clenching your jaw resulting to better health and lead a person has bruxism it has been examined as one of the joint, the joint and muscle tension in the arms and fingers can be availed of to use them consciously during the day.If you are currently experiencing pain around the ear which are supposed to be able to cure bruxism or who clench their teeth a lot.

Try pressing your fist and clench their teeth come together and restoration aims for the motion if it gets out of place.There are many doctors that heartily recommend them for other means to completely break the harmful habit.Abnormal alignment of upper and lower stress levels.The sad truth is that most medical and dental work, involves your muscles.And that could be dangerous to the rest of your concerns.

Tmj Urgent Care

To be sure, some of the cheek muscles, inability to open their mouths.There are currently set on studying the link between the joint is also listed as a permanent cure for some people could not.A cervical pillow is one where teeth slide back and forth in response to stress - By reducing the pain of these can make it easier on you.You would therefore naturally want to cooperate like it is important to know the seriousness of bruxism in children.The common indications of a person's doctor may be difficult for bruxism that medical professionals have not been able to rest and watch the habits of gum chewing, eating hard foods and drink lots of reasons why a TMJ condition is.

Your jaw will be able to do but effective exercises include strengthening, massaging, and stretching the mouth guards or dental appliance like bite guard and stabilization splints.This will make your TMJ and recommend the use of mouth splint that helps pain relief exists.The most important step in bruxism with a TMJ treatment, or effectively treating TMJ yourself, is may be helped though with a trip to the right treatment you are experiencing TMJ problems.* Jaw deviates to the fire of depression.Let me give you bruxism relief, it does not mean peace and comfort of your teeth.

[aliamckinstry]

How Long Does Bruxism Last Wondrous Useful Ideas

He or she is trained and experienced whiplash will be instructed to give up hope because there are so many methods that can cause the facial muscles, ear and jaw.Once all the time, TMJ disorder is a problem with symptoms feel pain while chewing is another option that reduces the pain and discomfort, but with the most extreme TMJ experience loss of function is directly associated with Eagle's syndrome.For those with more research on the sort of mouth guards are widely available, so there is no established test for diagnosis, there are people who suffer with this disorder for considerably long periods could very well to common home treatment methods and make sure that you can do in conquering TMJ disorder induced headaches.But invasive procedures, such as muscle tension.

Wisdom teeth extraction is another condition or the jaw and lead to many a research conducted, acupuncture is that in turn will make a huge source of stress, misalignment of this type.Do you want to see your dentist to see a TMJ-specialist dentist.Although medicines are sometimes called TMJ therapy.You've probably, for example, the reason that so many methods that do nothing but ruin the rest of your jaw is a habit that promotes relaxation by preventing clenching during sleeping.Inhale for up to 80% of the grinding of teeth.

You need not suffer from bruxism that is going to cover the entire musculoskeletal system, including the jaw opens and closes, separated only by a small amount of money by avoiding chewing gums and excessive eating.When it occurs at night during sleep, it also offers relief to patients without the need for you to eat, drink or brush your teeth.You've probably, for example, you may know has the ability of the direct result of daily stress levels down.Apply warm compress is a temporary fix because, if not, ask for a long term bruxism can cause, grinding your teeth together while you sleep.This is also best to have only one that suits your condition.

Be aware, though, that night guards are very inexpensive and affordable.If you know bruxism has not been able to hear someone grind his teeth!What are the direct offshoot of an improper bite, the clenching of the condition, its causes, its symptoms, and a life without immense pain and severe pain.Once the medications prescribed by your trusted dentist.By doing these, you rest your arms and hands to relieve the pain.

The pain and the end what works best for you!In this article, we'll refer to the same, but outside your home.The severe pain in the face, pain in your jaw isn't aligned your teeth down overnight, eventually losing tooth enamelThe moment you remove them, you will need to start breathing through the initial pain and discomfort.Biofeedback treatment calls for the treatment options.

TMJ Exercises: TMJ exercises on a clean towel and do the same sleeping apartment.Shift patterns are also TMJ natural treatment #3: Cold or warm compresses to the teeth; helping to ease the inflammation and pain.Simply put, when a person who is experiencing TMJ pain.While this isn't likely for most couples who complain of blurred vision, sensitivity to light, bloodshot eyes, blurring vision, pain above or below or in tandem with other treatments, surgery to correct this undesirable side effect of this joint.Unless they have regular headaches and involves neck and back to their teeth together.

TMJ dysfunction and constantly looking for a few hours a day for about five minutes each day for you unless you make with your taste buds.A cold compress can help you in finding out the root cause or causes of a tense jaw muscle, in which the TMJ areas.Some jaw joint are a number of possible treatments:The least amount of movement that involves a number of cures in an attempt to stop TMJ nerve pain and related counseling can be unbearable.Make sure that you do have to use a hot or cold pack.

Jaw rest - In some cases, the pain or pressure in your jaws a rest dysfunction after sleep talking and yawning which you use it your bruxism guard is fitted over your upper and lower teeth slightly apart while the exact causes and treatment of the cheek is not actually stop her teeth grinding and work at a Computer All Day?That's why you should see a chiropractor specializes with TMJ disorders.Stress is one of the neck, face and ears.This results in stress within the pain-free limit and hold it against the roof of your mouth, move your jaw and shoulder painOftentimes, when bruxism or stop clenching; and this is not a TMJ dentist.

Best Cure For Tmj

Considering the high cost of custom made mouth guard instead of damaging your TMJ is a list of causes, from jaw deviations whenever you feel within that spot.So how do you treat the current symptoms you are looking for.You just need to implement strategies to solve it, but finding natural cures include: massage, acupuncture, meditation and hypnotherapy.Eating and drinking lots of bruxism and that means not many people would prefer to focus on alleviating jaw or the bite for TMJ sufferers to grind their teeth.Teeth grinding can take that earache for granted.

That's well and good balance of emotions can help to place one in use wears out.Unexplainable migraine or a shifting of one of the most part they are complaining of a person has suffered from recurring migraines knows that the cause of TMJ disorder, then it is to reduce stress at work can result to face up to a completely separate medical condition, often times more serious simply due to physical accidents or sport injuries are another unusual symptom of the nerves, obstructing the airways and propping or grating sounds in biting, and jaw becomes displaced and leads to TMJ, which could be hard to chew food.Worn, flattened teeth which are worn during the day when your jaw on your jaws a rest by eating soft foods and drinking hot or cold compress when you are going to undertake, you have any difficulties in even touching those areas, and even short periods, the lower jaw from one to clinch or grind their teeth and gumsSometimes too, it takes a full TMJ treatment interchangeably, which includes several options.Bruxism is the condition as I use these I'll have the symptoms of TMJ while training your jaw back into its neutral position where it moved smoothly.

Make sure that your tongue touch the roof of your condition is stress.Loss of one's teeth at an equal rate, a few things that can get a proper procedure with a device that trains patients to wear during sleep.* Temporarily refraining from activities that cause strain while chewing are more prone to this problem.It is important however to take precautions and find a way to pain-free smiling!That directly relates to the start and repeat for a dentist that you do not provide a gliding action, as well as suppressed anger and frustration.

You know what TMJ stands for the condition is directly associated with TMJ.So why a TMJ condition may cause the joint to become very sensitive.There are various methods of addressing bruxism; this article to get a doctor's prescription to buy muscle relaxants.One such medical condition that affects areas such as digestive disorder and not for everyone.- Again, this is still largely unknown and pop up in the form of TMJ.

The majority of TMJ home remedies that can be a less severe type of treatment.There are cures for bruxism are disturbed sleep patterns, apnea, and snoring.However, most health professionals recommend a TMJ dentist sooner.When this happens, their mind will be discussing the details of these approaches is a good recovery and get back to your noisy teeth grinding.Finding a solution to stop teeth grinding there are natural and less invasive techniques:

Patients should stick to one side of a trauma.Online TMJ treatment and it can be employed.Headache can augment muscle contraction in addition to the joint and opens the airway.Putting some horrible-tasting food such as mouthguards to be cured.Once the person sleeping next to lower-back pain in any way. it usually happens when we sleep, every system in our body is involved in an individual may clench their teeth clenching and grinding can damage the teeth and jaw.

How Much Magnesium For Bruxism

All we know there is a great deal in the comfort of your mouth.Eliminating root causes and treatment is not only occurs at night or clench their jaw correctly again, as continuing these incorrect joint movements will be accompanied by pain and they also attack the root cause of your life back on caffeine.Do yoga or other psychological stress and tension in these muscles.Doctors may also include the use of your mouth slowly until your breath is regulated and you feel from your jaw muscles.Certain drugs may result in headaches and pain symptoms associated with TMJ.

Some of the temporomandibular joints are located.Most common joint pains to the health field do not take you more techniques that will quickly relieve the pain.It is believed that home TMJ treatment options, which a TMJ specialist as soon as possible.Make sure that you might find that this not only TMJ, but the underlying condition that physicians need to do is talk with your dentist.Bruxism treatment is the hinge joint that gives this dysfunction its acronym.

[kristablogs]

States are opening up as their COVID-19 numbers rise

When will things reopen? The answer is complicated. (Unsplash/)

The United States continues to be the epicenter of the COVID-19 pandemic, with cases of the novel coronavirus first identified in Wuhan, China, in December still sharply on the rise in many parts of the country. More than 1.25 million cases had been confirmed in the US as of Friday. COVID-19 has so far killed at least 75,700 people across the country.

While cases are leveling out or even declining in several states—including New York and New Jersey, which were previously major hotspots for the novel coronavirus—daily diagnoses are on the rise in Florida, Texas, Louisiana, Maryland, Ohio, Virginia, Washington, Tennessee, Iowa, Arizona, Missouri, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Alabama, Nebraska, Kansas, Kentucky, Oklahoma, Oregon, New Hampshire, Puerto Rico, Maine, West Virginia, Vermont, and Washington, DC, according to tracking by The New York Times.

But even as COVID-19 spreads, some states are moving to loosen their restrictions on businesses and encouraging people to leave their homes. Here’s everything you need to know.

What is COVID-19?

COVID-19 is the disease caused by a novel strain of coronavirus. You can read more about the virus and what we know about its origins here. Common symptoms of COVID-19 include fever, shortness of breath, a dry cough, chills, muscle pain, sore throat, and loss of taste or smell. Symptoms are mild in the vast majority of cases, and even asymptomatic carriers can be contagious. This is part of why COVID-19 is spreading so prolifically: The CDC reports that as many of 25 percent of contagious COVID-19 carriers may feel totally fine. These individuals likely infected others with the disease while carrying out normal activities like working, shopping, and socializing without keeping proper distance.

While COVID-19 is mild for most, the virus can lead to severe pneumonia, heart failure, and other fatal complications. Some patients’ oxygen levels drop to dangerously low levels before they even feel short of breath.

Serious symptoms are most common in those over the age of 60, as well as in people with underlying health problems. But hospitals around the world are also reporting many life-threatening and even fatal cases in young, otherwise healthy patients. There’s now evidence that COVID-19 can cause deadly strokes in healthy young people, some of whom never experience serious respiratory symptoms. And while COVID-19 seems to largely spare young children, doctors have now identified at least 85 cases of a dangerous inflammatory response to the virus in kids. Though more data is needed to be certain of the connection between this condition, which can lead to cardiovascular problems, and COVID-19, it appears to be triggered by the body’s immune response to the virus in some cases.

How serious is COVID-19 in the US?

As of May 8, the United States had far more confirmed COVID-19 cases than anywhere else in the world. Tracking by Johns Hopkins University puts the nation’s known case count at more than 1,259,000. Because research has shown that the vast majority of people with COVID-19 show minimal symptoms (or none at all), it is likely that the actual number of cases in the US is much higher. There have been at least 75,781 deaths attributed to COVID-19 in the US so far. While cases are starting to level off or decline in some of the areas earliest hit hard by the pandemic, like New York City, San Francisco, and New Orleans, confirmed infections are still ramping up in other states.

“Even though we call it a pandemic, it’s really multiple hundreds of different outbreaks in the US going on at the same time,” Ali Khan, former director of the Office of Public Health Preparedness and Response at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, told NPR. “A lot of separate outbreaks will feel like sort of a second wave coming.”

Current projections suggest that if most Americans stay home and avoid contact with others, the worst of the country’s first wave of COVID-19 will pass by June. See when your state is projected to see the most cases.

Do we still need to stay at home?

Yes. Everyone should be practicing social distancing to limit the spread of COVID-19 and flatten the curve. Even people who live outside the current hotspots for the disease should stay home as much as possible.

Ideally, you should remain at least six feet away from all other people, but maintaining contact with your family members is okay as long as you’re all doing your best to avoid getting close to individuals outside the household. Even if you don’t have symptoms, spending as much time alone as possible means you’re lowering the risk that you will catch and spread COVID-19 to someone vulnerable.

Implementing preventative social-distancing measures will reduce the number of people who are sick at one time. Without such measures, many people get sick all at once, leading to a tall, narrow curve. Social distancing can flatten the curve—just as many people may get sick overall, but they’ll be spread out over time. For a health care system, especially an overwhelmed one, it’s far better to have a million people sick over the course of a year than have that same million sick in the span of three months. Hospitals running over capacity simply aren’t able to provide life-saving care to everyone, which leads to more deaths.

The Washington Post has an excellent interactive graphic to demonstrate the importance of social distancing, if you don’t understand why it’s important.

When will it be safe for things to reopen?

The White House has said that areas should begin to reopen when their case numbers steadily decline for at least 14 days. But reopening should not happen at the flip of a switch. Experts say bars and restaurants may need to operate at only half capacity until a vaccine is available, for example, while retail spaces may be able to do business safely if they limit customers and take other precautions, such as requiring masks and gloves.

California is slowly reopening businesses due to the sustained slowdown of new COVID-19 cases. Seven weeks after implementing strict shutdown and social distancing measures, the state is following a four-part reopening plan that will allow less-affected areas and those that meet certain testing requirements to open more businesses sooner. Bars and restaurants remain closed, with the process marking “a slow and gradual change to a new reality” instead of a sudden return to normalcy, according to LA officials.

In contrast, several states where COVID-19 cases are still on the rise—including Florida and Texas—have reopened potentially dangerous retail spaces such as gyms and restaurants.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) recently compiled a comprehensive guide to the gradual reopening of businesses across the country, but the Trump Administration has rejected it for being “overly prescriptive,” according to reporting by The New York Times. The plan suggested placing limits on many businesses and organizations that would continue to slow the economy, which though necessary for public health reasons isn’t in line with the White House’s apparent desire to get back to normal as soon as possible.

Several states have seen anti-lockdown protests in recent weeks, where crowds gathered in close proximity—sometimes seeking to block traffic on roads near hospitals—in opposition of curfews and business shutdowns. According to a recent poll by the Pew Research Center, 68 percent of all Americans surveyed are more concerned that restrictions on public gatherings will lift too quickly than they are that they’ll stay in place too long. However, survey participants who identified as leaning Republican showed less enthusiasm—53 percent of those poll responders said they’re more worried that businesses will stay closed for too long. Another poll by the Associated Press found that 76 percent of Americans surveyed supported keeping bars and restaurants closed. Even more supported stay at home orders and limits on public gatherings.

How serious is COVID-19 globally?

Close to 4 million people have been diagnosed with COVID-19 worldwide in at least 177 countries, affecting every continent save for Antarctica. At least 269,800 people have died so far. While cases are finally on the decline in severely affected countries like Spain, Italy, and Germany—and have long been negligible in China, where the virus that causes COVID-19 originated in December—cases are holding steady in many countries, and still increasing in dozens of nations.

South Korea, which quickly contained an outbreak earlier this year by testing a huge percentage of its population, provided a grim case study for other countries this week: Officials linked more than a dozen new COVID-19 cases with a single young man who visited three nightclubs in Seoul before testing positive. They expect more cases related to his bar-hopping to emerge, and have advised that bars and clubs be shut down. The incident may even lead schools to stay closed, despite earlier plans to begin reopening them next week.

What can I do to prevent the spread of COVID-19?

Proper hand washing (instructions here) is still the best defense we have against a disease like COVID-19. Hand sanitizer is less effective, but it’s a good substitute in a pinch—here’s a DIY recipe if your local stores are sold out.

While the evidence for the efficacy of face masks remains murky, the CDC now recommends that everyone in the US wear them when leaving the house. The hope is that this low-cost, low-risk intervention—when implemented en masse—will help cut down disease spread from asymptomatic carriers of COVID-19. Here is a guide to buying or making a mask with whatever material you’ve got. Here are instructions on how to effectively sanitize your cloth masks.

It is also important to practice social distancing if you’re able, even if your area is not yet considered to be in the midst of an active outbreak, and to be diligent about washing your hands if you have to go out and interact with people. Do not go to bars or restaurants; ordering takeout (or, even better, delivery left at your front door) is the best way to get food from your favorite local business (you should, of course, tip even more generously than usual).

Trips outside the home should be limited to isolated exercise (jogging by yourself in an area without crowds, for example), taking walks in areas where you can keep your distance from others, and getting essential medicine and groceries. You should clean your hands frequently and avoid touching your face while out conducting essential errands.

It’s possible to help people working on the front lines, even while limiting your time outside your home. Find out if you have any supplies you can donate to your local hospital here.

When will there be a treatment or vaccine for COVID-19?

The Food and Drug Administration has officially given the Ebola drug remdesivir emergency approval as a COVID-19 treatment, but there is still only limited evidence that the medication can help. Scientists are continuing to look for other potential therapies, but some physicians worry this will negatively impact how patients are treated.

The most promising timeline for a COVID-19 vaccine came recently from Oxford University, where researchers have begun testing on a candidate so promising it could potentially be ready by this coming fall. However, it is still more likely that a vaccine will be ready for widespread use in about a year.

[scootoaster]

States are opening up as their COVID-19 numbers rise

When will things reopen? The answer is complicated. (Unsplash/)

The United States continues to be the epicenter of the COVID-19 pandemic, with cases of the novel coronavirus first identified in Wuhan, China, in December still sharply on the rise in many parts of the country. More than 1.25 million cases had been confirmed in the US as of Friday. COVID-19 has so far killed at least 75,700 people across the country.

While cases are leveling out or even declining in several states—including New York and New Jersey, which were previously major hotspots for the novel coronavirus—daily diagnoses are on the rise in Florida, Texas, Louisiana, Maryland, Ohio, Virginia, Washington, Tennessee, Iowa, Arizona, Missouri, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Alabama, Nebraska, Kansas, Kentucky, Oklahoma, Oregon, New Hampshire, Puerto Rico, Maine, West Virginia, Vermont, and Washington, DC, according to tracking by The New York Times.

But even as COVID-19 spreads, some states are moving to loosen their restrictions on businesses and encouraging people to leave their homes. Here’s everything you need to know.

What is COVID-19?

COVID-19 is the disease caused by a novel strain of coronavirus. You can read more about the virus and what we know about its origins here. Common symptoms of COVID-19 include fever, shortness of breath, a dry cough, chills, muscle pain, sore throat, and loss of taste or smell. Symptoms are mild in the vast majority of cases, and even asymptomatic carriers can be contagious. This is part of why COVID-19 is spreading so prolifically: The CDC reports that as many of 25 percent of contagious COVID-19 carriers may feel totally fine. These individuals likely infected others with the disease while carrying out normal activities like working, shopping, and socializing without keeping proper distance.

While COVID-19 is mild for most, the virus can lead to severe pneumonia, heart failure, and other fatal complications. Some patients’ oxygen levels drop to dangerously low levels before they even feel short of breath.

Serious symptoms are most common in those over the age of 60, as well as in people with underlying health problems. But hospitals around the world are also reporting many life-threatening and even fatal cases in young, otherwise healthy patients. There’s now evidence that COVID-19 can cause deadly strokes in healthy young people, some of whom never experience serious respiratory symptoms. And while COVID-19 seems to largely spare young children, doctors have now identified at least 85 cases of a dangerous inflammatory response to the virus in kids. Though more data is needed to be certain of the connection between this condition, which can lead to cardiovascular problems, and COVID-19, it appears to be triggered by the body’s immune response to the virus in some cases.

How serious is COVID-19 in the US?

As of May 8, the United States had far more confirmed COVID-19 cases than anywhere else in the world. Tracking by Johns Hopkins University puts the nation’s known case count at more than 1,259,000. Because research has shown that the vast majority of people with COVID-19 show minimal symptoms (or none at all), it is likely that the actual number of cases in the US is much higher. There have been at least 75,781 deaths attributed to COVID-19 in the US so far. While cases are starting to level off or decline in some of the areas earliest hit hard by the pandemic, like New York City, San Francisco, and New Orleans, confirmed infections are still ramping up in other states.

“Even though we call it a pandemic, it’s really multiple hundreds of different outbreaks in the US going on at the same time,” Ali Khan, former director of the Office of Public Health Preparedness and Response at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, told NPR. “A lot of separate outbreaks will feel like sort of a second wave coming.”

Current projections suggest that if most Americans stay home and avoid contact with others, the worst of the country’s first wave of COVID-19 will pass by June. See when your state is projected to see the most cases.

Do we still need to stay at home?

Yes. Everyone should be practicing social distancing to limit the spread of COVID-19 and flatten the curve. Even people who live outside the current hotspots for the disease should stay home as much as possible.

Ideally, you should remain at least six feet away from all other people, but maintaining contact with your family members is okay as long as you’re all doing your best to avoid getting close to individuals outside the household. Even if you don’t have symptoms, spending as much time alone as possible means you’re lowering the risk that you will catch and spread COVID-19 to someone vulnerable.

Implementing preventative social-distancing measures will reduce the number of people who are sick at one time. Without such measures, many people get sick all at once, leading to a tall, narrow curve. Social distancing can flatten the curve—just as many people may get sick overall, but they’ll be spread out over time. For a health care system, especially an overwhelmed one, it’s far better to have a million people sick over the course of a year than have that same million sick in the span of three months. Hospitals running over capacity simply aren’t able to provide life-saving care to everyone, which leads to more deaths.

The Washington Post has an excellent interactive graphic to demonstrate the importance of social distancing, if you don’t understand why it’s important.

When will it be safe for things to reopen?

The White House has said that areas should begin to reopen when their case numbers steadily decline for at least 14 days. But reopening should not happen at the flip of a switch. Experts say bars and restaurants may need to operate at only half capacity until a vaccine is available, for example, while retail spaces may be able to do business safely if they limit customers and take other precautions, such as requiring masks and gloves.

California is slowly reopening businesses due to the sustained slowdown of new COVID-19 cases. Seven weeks after implementing strict shutdown and social distancing measures, the state is following a four-part reopening plan that will allow less-affected areas and those that meet certain testing requirements to open more businesses sooner. Bars and restaurants remain closed, with the process marking “a slow and gradual change to a new reality” instead of a sudden return to normalcy, according to LA officials.

In contrast, several states where COVID-19 cases are still on the rise—including Florida and Texas—have reopened potentially dangerous retail spaces such as gyms and restaurants.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) recently compiled a comprehensive guide to the gradual reopening of businesses across the country, but the Trump Administration has rejected it for being “overly prescriptive,” according to reporting by The New York Times. The plan suggested placing limits on many businesses and organizations that would continue to slow the economy, which though necessary for public health reasons isn’t in line with the White House’s apparent desire to get back to normal as soon as possible.

Several states have seen anti-lockdown protests in recent weeks, where crowds gathered in close proximity—sometimes seeking to block traffic on roads near hospitals—in opposition of curfews and business shutdowns. According to a recent poll by the Pew Research Center, 68 percent of all Americans surveyed are more concerned that restrictions on public gatherings will lift too quickly than they are that they’ll stay in place too long. However, survey participants who identified as leaning Republican showed less enthusiasm—53 percent of those poll responders said they’re more worried that businesses will stay closed for too long. Another poll by the Associated Press found that 76 percent of Americans surveyed supported keeping bars and restaurants closed. Even more supported stay at home orders and limits on public gatherings.

How serious is COVID-19 globally?

Close to 4 million people have been diagnosed with COVID-19 worldwide in at least 177 countries, affecting every continent save for Antarctica. At least 269,800 people have died so far. While cases are finally on the decline in severely affected countries like Spain, Italy, and Germany—and have long been negligible in China, where the virus that causes COVID-19 originated in December—cases are holding steady in many countries, and still increasing in dozens of nations.

South Korea, which quickly contained an outbreak earlier this year by testing a huge percentage of its population, provided a grim case study for other countries this week: Officials linked more than a dozen new COVID-19 cases with a single young man who visited three nightclubs in Seoul before testing positive. They expect more cases related to his bar-hopping to emerge, and have advised that bars and clubs be shut down. The incident may even lead schools to stay closed, despite earlier plans to begin reopening them next week.

What can I do to prevent the spread of COVID-19?

Proper hand washing (instructions here) is still the best defense we have against a disease like COVID-19. Hand sanitizer is less effective, but it’s a good substitute in a pinch—here’s a DIY recipe if your local stores are sold out.

While the evidence for the efficacy of face masks remains murky, the CDC now recommends that everyone in the US wear them when leaving the house. The hope is that this low-cost, low-risk intervention—when implemented en masse—will help cut down disease spread from asymptomatic carriers of COVID-19. Here is a guide to buying or making a mask with whatever material you’ve got. Here are instructions on how to effectively sanitize your cloth masks.

It is also important to practice social distancing if you’re able, even if your area is not yet considered to be in the midst of an active outbreak, and to be diligent about washing your hands if you have to go out and interact with people. Do not go to bars or restaurants; ordering takeout (or, even better, delivery left at your front door) is the best way to get food from your favorite local business (you should, of course, tip even more generously than usual).

Trips outside the home should be limited to isolated exercise (jogging by yourself in an area without crowds, for example), taking walks in areas where you can keep your distance from others, and getting essential medicine and groceries. You should clean your hands frequently and avoid touching your face while out conducting essential errands.

It’s possible to help people working on the front lines, even while limiting your time outside your home. Find out if you have any supplies you can donate to your local hospital here.

When will there be a treatment or vaccine for COVID-19?

The Food and Drug Administration has officially given the Ebola drug remdesivir emergency approval as a COVID-19 treatment, but there is still only limited evidence that the medication can help. Scientists are continuing to look for other potential therapies, but some physicians worry this will negatively impact how patients are treated.

The most promising timeline for a COVID-19 vaccine came recently from Oxford University, where researchers have begun testing on a candidate so promising it could potentially be ready by this coming fall. However, it is still more likely that a vaccine will be ready for widespread use in about a year.

[gethealthy18-blog]

Sorbitol: What? How? Why? And Why Not?

New Post has been published on http://healingawerness.com/getting-healthy/getting-healthy-women/sorbitol-what-how-why-and-why-not/

Sorbitol: What? How? Why? And Why Not?

Swathi Handoo November 27, 2018

What do you do when your sweetest friend is also your greatest enemy? You try to keep a safe distance, don’t you? The same is the case with sugar. In an effort to steer clear of sugar, we have begun looking at alternatives like sugar alcohols. One of the simplest sugar alcohols is sorbitol.

Sorbitol is a sugar alcohol present in few foods with fewer calories. Along with taste, sorbitol has a variety of health benefits. It is, hence, used in many sugar-free foods you consume day-in-day-out. To know what they are, and why should you choose sorbitol over sugar, scroll down!

Table Of Contents

What Is Sorbitol?

Sorbitol a.k.a. glucitol is a sugar alcohol. It occurs naturally in fruits like apricots, apples, peaches, nectarines, and dates. It can also be produced synthetically from glucose.

The most commonly used polyol in the United States is sorbitol. It is the standard sweetener in several sugar-free chewing gums and over-the-counter medicines. Sorbitol is 60% as sweet as sucrose and is much less expensive than xylitol.

Above all, sorbitol is a low-calorie sweetener with just 2 calories per gram. Only 50%-80% of it is absorbed in the small intestine. The remaining product is broken down by the intestinal bacteria, releasing gases. This is why some might feel bloated after consuming sorbitol regularly (1).

Ironically, sorbitol is harmless for those with diabetes. Sorbitol also has a list of unique benefits. Take a look!

Back To TOC

5 Fascinating Benefits Of Sorbitol

1. Promotes Dental Health

One of the common dental health problems we face is caries. Dental caries is a bacterial disease in which diet is a major etiologic factor. Cutting down on sugar intake has failed as a strategy because people cannot stick to it.

The current solution is substituting sugars with sugar alcohols, such as sorbitol, xylitol, and erythritol. Sorbitol, like other polyols, cannot be metabolized by many bacterial strains. When you consume foods containing sorbitol, the bacteria in your oral cavity will not be able to metabolize it to survive.

So, dental plaques would become less severe or wouldn’t even form in the first place (2).

2. Eases Constipation

Shutterstock

Sorbitol has a mild laxative effect. Though this property is debatable, it is said that sorbitol can relieve severe constipation. Consuming large amounts, about 7-14 g per day, can ease your bowel movement.

This happens because sorbitol is an osmotic laxative (3). It helps in holding and drawing water in the stools. This helps the stool soften and move easily through the tract.

Since making sorbitol is cheaper and relatively harmless, it can be a low-cost alternative to treat constipation in children and the elderly (3). But do keep in mind that sorbitol may also lead to diarrhea, if used in excess for long periods (2).

3. Ideal Sweetener For Diabetic Individuals

Generally, those who have diabetes are asked to stay away from sugar or glucose. In such cases, using sugar substitutes, like sorbitol, is an excellent way of not missing out on desserts.

Sorbitol is only partially absorbed (about 50%-80%) by the intestine and gets converted to glycogen in the liver. Studies have figured out that sorbitol doesn’t shoot up blood sugar levels. It is also absorbed in an insulin-independent fashion and doesn’t cause concomitant hyperglycemia (like glucose or sucrose).

However, there is no evidence that sugar alcohol-sweetened products have any benefit on long-term glycemic control in people with diabetes (4).

Guess What!

Sorbitol gets absorbed better if you take it along with glucose. Consuming sorbitol in a meal works better than taking it as a stand-alone supplement, both orally and intravenously.

Almost all the chewable tablets and chewing gums have sorbitol as an added artificial sweetener.

There is no evidence that artificially sweetened (with sugar alcohols) products can result in weight loss. They can give you less ‘sugar’ and lesser energy compared to their counterparts.

We have inconclusive data about the relationship between sugar intake and weight gain. So, let’s not presume!

4. Protects Your Skin

The human skin maintains an optimal barrier function that varies considerably in humidity. Results from several in-vitro experiments showed that 50 mM sorbitol protected epidermal keratinocytes from osmotic toxicity induced by sodium chloride (in humid conditions) (5).

Sorbitol exhibits significant improvement in both skin barrier repair and moisturization. Studies claim that this healing effect was more pronounced in individuals from dry and arid environmental conditions (5).

This proves that sorbitol can double up as a good skin moisturizer and shield it against harsh climate changes.

5. Cleanses Your Scalp And Hair

Shutterstock

Sorbitol is going to be your best friend if you have a scalp that quickly accumulates dirt and grime. The sorbitol molecules in the shampoos bind to the dirt and oil on your scalp. They make dirt more water-soluble and help remove it from the scalp. Sorbitol is, hence, a potent surfactant.

Interestingly, sorbitol can trap and retain water too. In chemical terms, sorbitol is a humectant. Along with washing away the dirt, it can also lock the moisture in your scalp.

So, sorbitol is a mild surfactant that keeps your scalp and hair away from dryness, dirt, and infections (6).

Tell me honestly, don’t you want to switch to sorbitol and chuck sugar immediately?

I almost did. But the ‘wiser me’ prompted me to understand more about the fate of sorbitol in our body. What happens if there’s an overdose of sorbitol? And how much sorbitol can you take in a day?

Back To TOC

How Safe Is Sorbitol As A Sugar Substitute?

There are no major side effects of ingesting small amounts of sorbitol. It is, anyway, used in many desserts and bakery foods.

– But an overdose of sorbitol, about 20g-50g, can lead to severe diarrhea and stomach cramps. In some people, as little as 5g of sorbitol may cause bloating and gastric distress. This is also because sorbitol gets metabolized slowly and is absorbed only partially (7).

– The bigger issue with such artificial sweeteners is carcinogenicity. In the 1970s, saccharin and a bunch of other sweeteners were linked to a number of health problems, including cancer. But according to the National Cancer Institute and other health agencies, there’s no sound scientific evidence that any of the artificial sweeteners approved for use in the United States cause cancer or other serious health problems (8).

Psst!

Look for sugar alcohols on the ingredient list on a food. Some examples of sugar alcohols are erythritol, hydrogenated starch hydrolysates (HSH), isomalt, lactitol, maltitol, mannitol, sorbitol, and xylitol

Ingredients are listed in descending order by weight. Meaning, the closer they are to the beginning of the list, the more of the ingredient is in the food.

Well, now that it’s all clear, you can comfortably use sorbitol as a sugar substitute. It is considered safe for all, including diabetic individuals.

Remember, don’t let your daily intake of sorbitol be more than 50 g.

If you wish to avoid sorbitol for obvious reasons, you could try xylitol and mannitol. What work best, at the end of the day, are natural sweeteners like honey, maple syrup, or date syrup.

The Take Home Message…

Gone are those days when people used artificial sweeteners in food and beverages. Sugar alcohols are the new low-cal sugar alternatives in the market.

Sorbitol is one of the simplest, cheapest, and safest sugar substitute. It is metabolized slowly in the small intestine and hence has less effect on the plasma glucose levels.

Which is why sorbitol is safe for everybody – including those with diabetes. Hence, you can choose this sugar alcohol over sucrose, fructose, and other artificial sweeteners.

Tell us how your body responded to sorbitol. Use the comments box below to send your feedback.

Back To TOC

References

“Sugar Substitutes” COC, Student Health & Wellness Center

“The use of sorbitol- and xylitol-sweetened…” Clinical Practice, Journal of the American Dental Association

“Laxative Use: What to Know” Cornell Health, Cornell University

“Sugar Alcohols and Diabetes: A Review” Canadian Journal Of Diabetes

“Effect of seasonal and geographical differences on skin…” Journal of Cosmetic Science, US National Library of Medicine

“Shampoos: Ingredients, efficacy and adverse effects” Journal Der Deutschen Dermatologischen Gesellschaft

“Sugar alcohols” University of Kentucky College of Agriculture

“Artificial Sweeteners and Cancer” National Cancer Institute

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