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unprofessional-bard · 4 years ago

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Chapter 3 - To Have and to Hold

Losing My Religion Series Masterlist

Unprofessional Bard's Masterlist

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Pairing: Joel Miller x Female!Reader

Warnings: Depressive episodes + some suicidal thoughts... mostly angst but some fluff?? :")

Summary: The reader gets better and better each day, fitting better into her new life in Jackson, while Joel and Ellie continue their journey. The reader, after over five months, is greeted by unexpected visitors during patrol one day.

Word Count: 6.034. Grab a snack maybe?

Author's Note: As I mentioned in the previous chapter, I don't have PTSD or depression, but I do a lot of research about these mental illnesses before I write; once more, my last wish is to offend any of you, so my deepest apologies if I do! ! I do hope you like it!

Enjoy!

"(Y/N), you up?" You heard Tommy's voice as he and Maria peeked into the room.

"Thanks to you, yes." The edges of your lips turned up, eyes still closed.

"You've been asleep for almost five hours, we got worried." Maria said. "Tommy wanted to talk to you."

You opened your eyes, watched Maria leave and Tommy sit on a chair beside your bed: "How you doin'?"

"No nightmares," You sighed and pulled yourself up and leaned your back on the wall. "The bed was pretty comfortable, I'd say my body's rested at least. You found Ellie?"

"Yeah, about that," Tommy scratched the back of his head. "We found her, she's alright but..."

It turned out that Ellie and Joel had been on the road for awhile and that Joel and Tess were tasked with carrying her across the country because she was a potential cure, a way to save humankind. Joel apparently wanted Tommy to take her to the Fireflies and convinced him to do so too, but just after they found Ellie and brought her back to town, Joel had a change of mind and took off with Ellie to Salt Lake City. You felt sick again, finding out that Ellie was immune and she was gone now, without saying a goodbye. You zoned out and stared at your hands resting on your lap.

"But uh, Maria arranged a house for you," Tommy smiled softly.

You nodded, still feeling numb and shocked: "Appreciate it..."

Tommy reached out and gave a firm squeeze to your shoulder: "They're going to be okay, (Y/N)... Now Maria told me what kind of a bond you shared with Ellie and I know you're upset, but she's capable of taking care of herself. Now Joel, much of an asshole he is- he's going to protect Ellie and they're gonna be just fine. They'll be back, don't you worry."

You nodded again and looked at him when he told you to get up so he can show you around and to your new house.

It had been so long since you'd seen lights and so many people together, people who didn't attack or yell orders at each other. They were just happy, minding their own businesses and, according to Tommy, headed to the 'theatre'. But for some reason you couldn't truly feel happy about it- getting a random headache instead. You could really use another nap right now.

"Here you go," Tommy led you to a small, cabin-like house. There was a salon and a kitchen to the left, and a bathroom and small living room to the right and right across the hallway, a bedroom; there was also a small balcony and garden connected to the bedroom. You couldn't have asked for anything more from neither Maria nor Tommy. "Take a bath and get rid of your clothes - Maria got you some new ones. We're going to have dinner in an hour or so, I'll send a guy to pick you up. That okay?"

"Yeah," you sucked your lips in and sighed, wrapping your arms around yourself. "Thank you Tommy. Really-"

"Don't mention it," Tommy patted your arm. "Think of this as a repayment from that last time, or just... humanly behaviour, you choose."

You sighed and felt your eyes water again, quickly wiping it with your palm.

"I'll leave you to it," Tommy said and walked away. You gulped and let out a shaky breath, entering your new house and closing the door. You walked around slowly, taking short looks at the rooms as you approached your new bedroom. Maria had left a pair of jeans, which at first looked too small for you, a black undershirt with black, normal panties along with a dark red, turtleneck sweater. They smelled as if they were fresh out of a washing machine. You dropped your backpack on the floor next to your bed, then lurked back to the bathroom to start the water.

You came back to the bedroom to take out some stuff from your backpack when you noticed a note left on the bed next to the sweater:

Hey! I hope these clothes are okay. Neither of us knew what size you wear, so I took a few guesses and, if they don't fit you or if they're too warm/cold, just let me or Tommy know and I'll try to find something else for you. You can put your dirty clothes in the bin outside the entrance, someone will come and pick them up. I hope you like it here :)

Maria

You smiled briefly, then picked up the gas lamp on your nightstand (which worked with a candle) and put the note under it. Your fingertips lingered on the lamp as you felt a great amount of guilt and grief settle in you. I don't deserve this, you thought to yourself and bit your bottom lip to stop it from quivering.

Too much to think about...

Too many people to grieve...

You almost forgot about the bathtub and went back to the bathroom, to find it almost completely filled. You saw a pink soap at the edge of the bathtub which you didn't notice- or forgot? Whatever, there was a goddamn soap you could clean yourself with.

You took off your clothes and threw them into a pile and slowly dipped yourself in the warm water, sighing at the contact. Dry blood immediately changed the colour of the water a little but you couldn't bring yourself to wash your body just yet. Instead, you pulled your legs to your chest, wrapped your arms around them and placed your chin on your knees. This gave you a moment to think: To think about everything you've done, everything you've seen, everything you've been through; Why me? I don't deserve this. were the only words echoing through your mind, convinced that you truly didn't deserve to be alive. Your chest felt really tight all of a sudden and you forced yourself to calm down again, only to remember that you can cry, sob, whine and grieve your loved ones now. You were safe and sound, no one was around and you didn't have to stay strong for anyone anymore. You could put your guard down and be fragile, like a porcelain doll.

Tears began streaming down your face.

You closed your eyes tightly, pulled your knees closer and held your arms tighter as you bewailed; like you'd simply die if you dared hold it in any longer.

Felicity... Kurt... Maxim... Amanda... Robin and Cole...

They deserve this- they deserve a good life, I don't.

I let them down, get them all killed and get a fucking reward for it? Unbelievable.

Your fingers brushed your hair back as you cried and whined, leaning back on the wall to your right. You covered your face with both of your hands, dry blood around your body dissolving into the water in the meanwhile.

You had no idea how long you'd been crying, but you immediately stopped when there was a knock on the door.

"(Y/N), sorry to bother you," It was Maria. "I brought you some shoes, socks and some other stuff I thought you might need."

Your chin trembled as you panicked in the tub, water now cold: "I- I'm in the bath right now!"

"Okay, I'll just-" You heard the door open after you noticed how your voice cracked. "I'm leaving these here... are you alright?"

"Yeah," you nodded, wiping your tears aimlessly. "Is someone gonna come grab me for dinner or are you it?"

"Oh, no, there's still less than half an hour. I'll send someone when the time comes, don't worry."

"Okay- erm, thank you," You replied and she left with a sincere not a problem.

You started washing yourself with the soap, which felt really nice. You were actually going to smell nice for a change. It took you around ten minutes to wash yourself whole. Although you were still hurt and sad, Maria's brief presence had unintentionally calmed you down and you convinced yourself that it was enough for one day. You now had the rest of your life set in front of you, you could practically grieve whenever you wanted, right?

You dried yourself with the towels beside the sink, wrapping your head with one of them as you got dressed. Your wrists were healed for the most part, leaving behind marks which would be the reminder of your survival, but they didn't sting anymore. Now you had to worry about your waist which surprisingly didn't hurt as much. Probably because of the proper treatment and medicine you were provided with.

The weather was cold and the day was going darker by the minute. You put on every piece of clothing that were given to you, grabbing the stuff Maria left for you off the ground and finally dropping on the bed, laying down on your back, arms spread across the mattress. You suddenly had this terrible feeling that you were going to have trouble sleeping alone at night: Back in your FEDRA days, you always shared a bunk or a room with your teammates, always slept around a fire together when you were out of the base. There was always someone with you, which made you sleep better even in your worst days. Before you came here, you didn't have your friends but you had Ellie... and Joel.

Oh how you had missed them already.

The worst part was, you almost didn't know anybody here. Tommy was the closest person you could call a friend and you didn't even want to talk about Maria. As sincere as she was, you got to know her just today. You felt uncomfortable sharing your story with her, you knew you'd feel even more uncomfortable when it came to sharing your emotions.

You didn't realise a few tears had forced their way out of your closed eyelids and down your face until there was a knock on your door.

"Uh, hello? Maria sent me to come and get you..." You heard a deep voice laced with a southern accent, which reminded you of Joel's a little but it wasn't as heavy as his.

"Yup, coming," you huffed and got up, wiping at your eyes with the back of your hands.

You were really torn between wanting to be alone and wanting company, so you decided to let other people take over.

You also grabbed Kurt's knife before you went to the door, just in case.

"Uh, hi there," The man greeted you. You felt like you'd seen him before but you weren't sure. He was tall and slender, a lot taller than you were; he had dark red, wavy hair and green eyes, freckles splattered around his face and forearms. Looking into more detail, he had a tall, turn-up nose, light facial hair and lips which reminded you of a model's - they weren't chapped and they were quite plump. His cheeks and nose were reddened, probably because of the cold but his lips had a natural redness to them.

"Hi," you sighed, taken aback. "I'm, uh, (Y/N)."

"I know. I'm Walt," He smiled softly and handed a piece of cloth over to you. "Maria told me she didn't have a jacket with a hood, that I should bring this so you could cover your hair."

It was a slouch beanie with a pompom attached to it. Your face scrunched up, you never thought you'd be wearing these and you didn't want to, but your hair was wet and you really weren't in the mood to add more to your headache.

"Uh, thank you." You muttered awkwardly and put the beanie on.

"Here," Walt reached out for the beanie, making you flinch. "It's okay, I'm not gonna hurt you..." He smiled sincerely and adjusted the beanie. "Better. Shall we?"

"Let's," you sighed, not really knowing what to say to him. He was quite handsome, you were expecting someone old and grumpy to come get you, not a cute guy with-

Cute?!

Goddammit.

"It's nice to see a new face," Walt commented, putting his hands in his jean's pockets. "Maria told me you were spec ops- I never thought I'd meet another outside a QZ."

You halted and looked at him: "You're spec ops too?"

"Yup, that's why she sent me, thought maybe you'd need someone who relates to you?" Walt explained. He visibly tensed when you didn't respond: "I'm sorry, was I too forward?"

"Oh- not at all, I'm just surprised is all. Where did you come from?" You asked as you two kept walking.

"I was born in Denver, grew up and enlisted there too. I served under FEDRA in Denver for a few years before being sent to Boston... What a pain in the ass."

"Yeah, I was in Boston for- ever. I knew I'd seen you somewhere." You sniffed and tried to smile.

"Boston was hell," He groaned. "We were new and there was this team, they were looking for new recruits and I wanted to sign up, I don't know what I was thinking but..."

"Oh," you sighed loudly, looking at the ground. "I know, some stupid sonofabitch named Gabe 'bought' his way in."

"You were at the training too?" Walt asked, surprised.

"I..." You tried to speak and get over with it, but decided to take your time. "I was uh, I was the team's leader."

This time Walt stopped: "Get outta town."

"I'm serious," you gave him an apologetic smile, reaching for your knife in your pocket slowly.

"I'm- I'm sorry," he let out an awkward laugh. "I thought you were the person who picked the new recruit, I might have cursed a little too much behind your back."

This time you laughed too, relaxing: "Oh it's fine. They never really liked me at the Boston QZ, I do have a fair share of curses on my behalf."

Just when the both of you chuckled, Maria opened the door. When did you even arrive?

"Perfect timing!" She smiled. "We were just about to eat, come in."

"After you," Walt took a step behind and motioned for you to go in. You smiled and walked in, Maria sending a quick wink your way before Walt could see and you just rolled your eyes.

There was a big table and three men sat around it, Tommy across them. They were filling their plates with, by god, delicious looking food. Tommy waved at you and you smiled as the three of you sat down around the table, Maria at your right and Walt on your left.

"This is (Y/N)," Tommy introduced you. "(Y/N), these men are the leads of our patrol. I wanted you to meet them because I reckoned you might wanna do patrols, is that okay?"

"Well," you sighed. "I know a couple of more things other than how to shoot a gun, y'know."

"That so?" Tommy grinned. "If you wanna do something else, that's fine. But I still want you to get to know them. You already met Walt, but not sure if you remember him..."

Eugene Linden. Of course you remembered him.

"Eugene?" Your eyes widened.

"Hi there, commander," he tipped an invisible hat your way and smiled.

"Goddamn," you sighed with a grin and chuckled. Then, simultaneously: "Still not dead, huh?"

Eugene and Tommy were absolutely despised and were the talk of the base when you were sent to Denver for duty. You had mixed feelings toward them at first -well, you were sent to kill them after all- but not because you followed orders blindly, because of the attacks and the terror caused by them. They were reckless and they killed civilians, you weren't sure if they were the promise keeping type.

You were outnumbered and genuinely scared that you may not get to see another day (not that you wanted to anyway) so you changed tactics and surrendered. You promised them that you'd help them escape FEDRA in return of your team's and civilian safety. They kept their promise but a few months later, both of them left the Fireflies and you were sent back to Boston. You never saw either again until now.

A night went by with no stressing out over when or how you were going to be attacked. You already made 'friends' with the lead patrol men: All of them were army men, Walt being the only spec ops. You already knew Eugene and Tommy and were now acquainted with Walt and Maria. The other men, Robert and Bruce seemed to like you too; Robert was around Eugene's age, you assumed as he looked a little old but Bruce was around your age, maybe younger.

Tommy walked you back home, as much as Maria secretly tried to make Walt your escort, you didn't mind him.

"How are you liking it so far?" Tommy started as soon as you were outside and on the way back to your house.

"I- I absolutely have no words, Tommy. I can't thank you both enough, I guess I owe you one?"

"Stop with that nonsense," Tommy chuckled. "Those days are over, you're not a FEDRA puppet and I'm not a 'terrorist' anymore... Those days are behind us. Let's focus on what we have now."

"You're right," you nodded, stuffing your hands in your pockets. "It's just- I want you to know how grateful I am for the both of you... I don't deserve this, you know?"

Tommy gave you a worried look when your voice wavered a little: "'Course you do, don't say that stuff now..."

Tommy turned to you under a streetlight and held your shoulders: "You deserve this more than anyone, (Y/N). Joel told me about what happened to your team and I am truly sorry for that-" You sniffed and tried to hold back your tears to no avail. "Hey, hey, it's alright... Look, even without after everything you've gone through, you deserve this. Everyone stuck in this world survivin' does."

"But I'm the reason they're dead!" You sobbed: "If I was faster, none of them would've been captured! If I had been more careful-!"

"(Y/N)!" Tommy shook you. "None of that was your fault, you hear me? I know you think it is but it ain't. I'm sure that if they could, they'd be the ones to give you this life. You were a good leader, you treated them kindly and helped everyone out- even your enemies. I know that as much as you want to trade places with them... what's happened, happened. It's gonna take some time, but you're gonna have to come to terms with it and move on. One way or another."

"I know," you whimpered. "I know but, I never had the time to... I didn't even get to bury them. They're out there, rotting in an old building and I'm here, eating actual food and taking a bath. With a soap."

"Well, if that's what you're worrying about," Tommy dropped his hands to his sides and began walking with a grin. "I can assure you they're in a far better place right now than you could ever be, alive."

You stared at him walk away slowly and let his words sink in. He was right, they no longer had to deal with the bullshit this world had to offer anymore. They were properly resting now.

Although it was a nice first night you spent there and as much as Tommy's words left an impression on you, the moment he said goodnight and you closed your door, a feeling of uneasiness settled in you. Sitting at the table with your new neighbours itself pained you at first, reminding you of your team... Your family...

You still struggled to believe this place was real. There was actually a place for you, a place amongst lovely people who had no bad intentions toward you. There was a new life for you here, you knew you had to move on from your past one, but you also knew it wasn't just going to happen over night. There was still so much guilt in you. And, well, the attack today didn't really help your hopes for this place, you knew better than anyone that all good things come to an end.

But that didn't mean that you wouldn't fight to keep this place going as far as it could.

----

"Aw man," Ellie sighed as Joel finished explaining the basics of baseball to her. "I wonder if (Y/N) ever played it."

Joel's expression relaxed and turned into a thoughtful one. He thought about you, wondered if you were okay and how you were getting along with his brother and the others in Jackson. He was mad at himself for getting angry at you for no reason and he knew, if he ever went back to Jackson, he'd have to make it up to you.

----

Your first few weeks went by resting and helping everyone with everything as much as your wounds allowed. You were fatigued and didn't really want to talk to anyone but Tommy and Maria, who checked up on you almost twice a day when you didn't show up for too long. You were mostly in bed, either doing nothing or sleeping. You had constant headaches and refused to take medications because you didn't want them to think there was something wrong, but sometimes you'd get sick to your stomach from not eating. You lost weight in your first week and a half which didn't escape Maria. You kept complaining about how you couldn't get used to sitting in bed and doing little to nothing for hours, your sleep schedule was absolutely fucked but you also didn't have the energy to get up. You were alone by yourself most of the time which didn't help and by your second week, Maria and the lady from the nursery, Katherine, who was apparently a medic, insisted she did a check up on you.

"I'm no psychologist, but I think she's depressed." Katherine had said when you had fainted because you got up too fast after your examination. "I read a book on it some time ago and she has most of the symptoms... Someone needs to keep an eye on her- she can't stay alone. She's grieving and she's going to need help going through it."

Maria had nodded with sad eyes, uncertain about what to do and Tommy held his wife as they looked at your sleeping form. Your face was way skinnier comparing to when you first arrived in Jackson.

"She doesn't just need a companion per se," Katherine had whispered. "We, as a community have to look after each other and will look after her too, but she barely talks to anyone other than you two. She needs to be more involved with us."

Maria's brows raised: "We can sign her up to patrols with the boys for a start. I'll pair her up with Walt, they seemed to be getting along."

"Well," Tommy had sighed, hands on his hips. "We could try the school? She always had a soft spot for children, maybe it'll help distract her for the most part."

"Offer her whatever you want, but just do it." Katherine nodded worriedly. "And make her eat, for god's sake. She won't survive like this any longer."

----

"You gotta tell me what to do!" Ellie panicked as Joel's vision began fading. "Come on, you gotta get up! Joel?"

Shit, what would (Y/N) do? Joel finally heard Ellie ask herself before he let the darkness take over his pale body. Really though, what would've you done if you were with them right now?

Joel thought back to the time where he was wrapping up your wrists in that house where you all took a shower. How you didn't even flinch when he applied the alcohol and just kept calm through every situation for the whole month you all travelled together. He thought about that one time where you treated a wound on his leg. It was just a bullet which whizzed through the side of his calf, not doing much damage but it still hurt a little. You had attended to it without any complaints.

"This won't take a minute, just sit down and let me handle it," You insisted. Ellie was already passed out on the couch in the next room. "If it gets infected you're never gonna stop bitching about it. Sit. Down."

"Yes ma'am," Joel's brows furrowed at your demanding tone. He sat on the ground and extended his leg on the floor. You carefully rolled the sleeve of his pants up and cleaned the wound.

"Come now, it's over, see?" You smiled gently when he hissed, then wrapped a bandage around his calf. Joel just nodded with an almost displeased look as you got up and moved to go to the other room to check on Ellie.

"Uh, (Y/N)?" Joel turned around before you disappeared into the next room. You gave him a quizzical look by the door: "Thank you."

You just smiled at him genuinely and somewhat shyly, then walked away.

----

You got more used to your new life each day, a full month had passed but you still struggled to come to terms with yourself; but there were some improvements too. You began eating more (by your own will) and you were just a little confused at why you were surrounded by people all the time, except for when you were in your house or at the makeshift gym with a lack of tools. You had only fainted once, it had to be about that, otherwise you were way past the welcoming phase. You still thought often of Ellie... and Joel. And Felicity and others. You found yourself crying some nights, but most nights you felt numb. You missed all your companions dearly - you knew you'd be with them sooner or later.

Walt had turned out to be excellent company, although you were sure his old patrol partner Bruce wasn't entirely fond of you anymore, with you made into Walt's new partner. You usually didn't go outside the walls as there weren't too many infected in the area, but now with you guarding the walls with them, the raids started to take less of a toll on the residents of Jackson. You were liked and your presence was appreciated, something you couldn't really bring yourself to believe.

Tommy and Maria were understanding of your condition and, as much as you had insisted otherwise, they urged you to stay at their place from time to time when you weren't feeling too well. You were grateful for them and for everything they had done to make you feel better while adapting to life in Jackson.

Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months as Jackson developed further into an actual town. Although winter was harsh on the people, a true sense of community had settled into everyone living there. Diners and schools were built by the end of January and more shops like tailors were being built every day.

Walt and you, on the other hand, were a different story. He was so calm and cool and you couldn't help but get flustered whenever he was around. He treated you nicely, with a more welcoming manner and he was an outright gentleman. The small compliments he'd give you, the way he'd make you laugh... You weren't sure how he'd react if you opened up to him though, so you kept it to yourself.

A better developed relationship comparing to yours and Joel's, you thought. You wondered then how he was doing, if he was even alive and all that.

----

"It's okay, it's me- it's me." Joel turned Ellie around as she tried to get out of his grip. "It's me, look..."

Ellie gasped, taking in a shaky breath as Joel held her face between his hands, like that time you had an attack before reaching Jackson.

"He tried to-" Ellie sobbed, struggling to speak, then Joel pulled and pressed her shaking body against his chest.

"Oh, baby girl..." Joel whispered as he held her close, heart breaking over and over again at her state; the situation they were in reminding him of Sarah over and over again but there was nothing he could do. He had already lost one daughter and he knew, then and there, that he wasn't going to lose Ellie too.

----

With April's arrival, many pretty flowers you had never seen before (or didn't remember seeing pre-outbreak) blossomed throughout the town. Your garden was quite colourful, which brought joy to you. After the cloudy, gray winter days, you greatly appreciated the sun with occasional showers. The weather was mostly chill and windy but not like it was back in January. You had made amazing process with your health conditions - it wasn't perfect but process was still process. Walt had been of great help, talking about your past experiences and venting to each other from time to time had brought you two even closer. He was requested to look after you by Maria and Tommy, but he didn't mind and gladly did so.

Speaking of Tommy: One night while the three of you had dinner, you helped Tommy clean the dishes while Maria went out to give the leftovers to some newborn puppies. Joel was made the topic of your conversation all of a sudden and he revealed a very upsetting detail about Joel's past.

"He," Tommy began, gulping. "He used to have a daughter. Sarah."

You stopped washing the plate in your hands and gave him a look, his movements slowing down as a great set of dark clouds settled over him: "On the outbreak day, the three of us were in a car and it crashed. Sarah broke her leg, so Joel carried her. We ran but Joel and I got separated, when I reached them..."

Tommy sighed through his nose: "Sarah passed away in his arms... I'm thinking, maybe that's why he changed his mind about Ellie? He's- he won't tell you this, but I just thought you should now."

You just nodded with a worried look on your face. After finishing the dishes, Tommy went to their room while you waited on the couch in their living room. He came back with a small frame in his hands: "That's her..."

It was a picture of Joel and Sarah which appeared to be taken after a football match. They both looked so happy, your expression softened immediately and your heart broke: "How old was she?"

"Twelve, I think," Tommy nodded as you examined the picture. "She would've been a whole grownup by now."

Your eyes widened at Joel and Sarah's age gap: "He was so young when he had her..."

"High-school sweethearts," Tommy shook his head and smiled bitterly. "I had no idea what was goin' on. I was around her age when I found out my brother was gonna get married and that I was gonna be an uncle. I don't really remember those times but, Joel managed fine on his own after Sarah's mother left."

You never could've imagined this was the brothers' story before the outbreak: "You miss him, don't you?"

"Me? Miss Joel?" Tommy mocked offence as you handed the frame back to him. "Nah, never... Anyways, he could be back any day, might as well enjoy it before he becomes a pain in my ass again."

You had both laughed about it, but you knew he was worried about Joel and that he missed him. They were pretty close, although worldviews separated them, they were still brothers who cared for each other.

You had also built up the nerve to confess your feelings to Walt. Maria was great at encouragement, so with a deep breath, one night after a patrol in the woods, you knocked on his door:

"Oh, hi there Dolly," Walt smiled. He was looking rather handsome today - as if he put in extra effort to his looks. He looked like as if he was about to go out.

"Oh stop calling me that," You smiled shyly. "I sing once and suddenly I have a new name..."

"It suits you though," he smiled charmingly. "Hey, you'll never guess where I'm about to go right now."

"I'd say on a date, but-"

"Ding ding ding!" He chuckled excitedly. "You know Bonnie, right? She invited me over to her place for dinner."

You just stared, utterly dumbfounded.

"It's a little awkward, I should've been the one to ask her out, but I guess she got tired of waiting!"

She got tired of waiting and shot her shot... and succeeded.

"Oh," you nodded, quickly regaining your composure. "Uh, that's nice- when did you two even get that close?"

"Well," he closed the door to his house, making you take a step back. "You should pull your head out of work from time to time. You've been working so much, you may have missed it."

He smiled genuinely: "Anyways, I have to go now. I'm afraid I can't escort you back this time, I'm running late. You're okay though, right? I hope you didn't come all this way for something important?"

You nodded, words stuck at your throat, then he gave you a brief hug: "Alright, I'll see you tomorrow, goodnight!"

You just stood there and watched him leave, mouth agape, hopeless and disappointed.

"So?" Maria asked as you rested your chin on your hand, frowning at your plate. The both of you were having breakfast on your back yard: "How did it go?"

"He's seeing someone else," You sighed after an unnerving moment of silence and put your fork through your food.

"Oh," Maria's excited expression dropped. "Are you sure?"

"He said he was on his way to Bonnie's when I went over to his place."

You both sat in silence, your expression was soft but as much as you tried to hide it, there was a hint of sadness in your eyes. I got everything I didn't deserve after moving here, maybe I pushed my luck too much. You weren't angry, just disappointed.

"He said it himself," You chuckled. "Bonnie apparently got too tired of waiting for him to make a move, so she took matters into her own hands. I was too slow."

"Don't say that," Maria reached for your hand but didn't touch it. "How could've you known? Even I didn't notice they had a thing going on."

"It's okay," you forced a smile and took her hand in yours. "Maybe it wasn't the right time."

Maria was happy that you weren't taking it too heavily - you knew you'd have another chance. After breakfast, you both went your separate ways. Walt greeted you at the stairs which led up to the walls, your heart skipping a beat when you saw him - it was anxious skip however, you were not excited to see him.

"So," You forced a smile as you approached him. "How was your night?"

"Pretty good, thank you," he smirked as you two climbed up.

"Just pretty good? Tell me more!" You laughed. The situation was odd, but he didn't have to know.

"Well," he smiled like a teenage boy after his first ever date with his date. "We began with dinner. She had cooked the most amazing meal- You should definitely eat some too, I suggested that the three of us should have dinner sometime and she's totally down."

You flinched as you approached the notebook on the counter then wrote down your names, your back to him as you felt like jumping off the side of the wall and into a hole where the ground would swallow you whole rather than having dinner with them.

"Yeah, we'll see, I don't wanna be a burden on your new girlfriend."

"She's not my girlfriend, Dolly, she's-"

"Stay where you are!" You suddenly heard Cedric, one of the patrolman who's shift was over, shout.

"Hold it!" You yelled at Cedric from where you were, then immediately ran out to where he was, Walt behind you. Your heart dropped when you saw the duo who were stood by Jackson's doors.

No way.

#joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel x reader #joel miller imagine #tlou x reader #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us x reader #tlou fanfic #the last of us

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kurt-nightcrawler · 4 years ago

Text

The Future is Now

Kurt Wagner x Female Reader

Kurt is in his mid-20s in this story.

(Y/F/N) means your full name

Gif credit goes to @softtroublemaker

Warnings: none

Word count: 1.6k

Hope you enjoy!

Your eyes slowly opened as they came in contact with the light pouring in from the window. You groaned, shifting in your half-asleep state.

Kurt laughed, his arm wrapped around your waist, and his tail wrapped around your leg.

“Five more minutes…” You groaned, not budging. Kurt released you from his grip and got out of bed, leaving his side cold. You frowned.

“Schatz, you have to get up.”

You mumbled something unintelligible back.

Kurt slipped out of his pajamas, watching you from the corner of his eyes.

“We have that double date with Peter and Ella later tonight… and as much I know you’d love to sleep in all day, we have training, and it’s our turn to get the groceries.”

You groaned and finally started to fully wake up. You ripped the covers from your body, exposing yourself to the cold air.

“Good morning, Princess,” Kurt teased.

You rolled your eyes, but a smile adorned your face. “Good morning, Blue.” You stood up and moved over to your vanity. You grabbed your hairbrush and tried to tame your monstrous bedhead. Kurt kissed the crook of your neck while you did so.

You looked up at him through the mirror. “Blue…” You scolded.

“What?” He asked innocently. “I’m not doing anything.” He continued kissing your exposed skin.

“Just don’t leave a mark.”

“Hmmph…”

You gave him a knowing look, “We’re going out tonight, remember? If I show up to our date with hickies Peter’s never going to let us hear the end of it.

Kurt sighed, “You’re right…”

“I’m gonna take a shower.” You pecked his lips. “I’ll see you downstairs, okay?”

Kurt nodded, “Ja.”

You turned your back to grab a towel and heard the familiar sound of Kurt teleporting out of a room.

Hank wrote down everything you needed to get from the store. The list wasn’t crazy, but grocery shopping for a school full of mutants usually took a few hours.

You’d usually split up with your shopping partner to cover more ground, but Kurt insisted on being by your side.

You didn’t mind it, not for a moment.

You cherished moments like these, the domestic ones. The parts of your day where you felt normal, like a character in a movie— grocery shopping with your boyfriend, going for a drive to nowhere in particular, or cuddling on one of the couches in the library.

“We need lemons.”

“Hmm?...” You asked, zoned out.

“(Y/N), the list says we need lemons.”

You zoned back in, “Right! Sorry, I uh, zoned out for a minute.”

Kurt offered a smile as he placed a bag of lemons in the cart. “You don’t need to apologize.”

“Sorry.”

Kurt shook his head and laughed, “It’s okay.”

“What else do we need?”

“Oranges, peppers, toilet paper…” He read the list off as you threw things into the cart.

You snuck in a few things that weren’t on the list you knew some of the kids liked, because who was really going to notice?

After you checked out you pushed the cart out to the car. Kurt jumped in the cart, startling you at first, but told you to go fast as you could. So you did.

You ran down the parking lot, cheering and laughing like two happy idiots, before stopping at the car.

You opened the trunk and Kurt, touching as many grocery bags as he could, teleported into the trunk, as to not have to load as many bags. You threw a few stragglers into the trunk, before slamming it shut.

“Where’d you learn to do that?” You asked.

“Last time I went grocery shopping with Bobby,” Kurt explained.

“It was his idea. However, we may or may not have crushed some chips…”

You laughed and shook your head, “You never fail to surprise me, Blue.”

“That’s what I’m here for,” He joked.

You were with Ella getting ready for the double date.

“So…” She began, styling her hair. You glanced at her.

“What’s up?”

“Not much. It seems like we haven’t seen each other in forever. How are you? How’s Kurt?”

“I’m great. Kurt’s great. Every day with him is like something out of the ending of a good rom-com.

Ella laughed, “Wow, you’re in deep.”

“Buzz off. We’re just two happy people in love, that’s all.” You put the finishing touches on your makeup, giving yourself a once over in the mirror.

“I think you’re both cute together…” She cooed.

“Aww, thanks… You and Peter are cute too.”

She nodded, slipping on her shoes, “Yeah… He’s a great guy.”

You had reservations at first when Ella and Peter started dating.

He was a little older, and a bit childish at times, and you just wanted what was best for your best friend. Peter understood where you were coming from, but he proved to be good for Ella… and a few years later, they got married.

“You got yourself a good one… Now let’s go! They’re probably waiting.”

You and Kurt weren’t married. It didn’t really bother you since you knew he wanted to get married one day. You did too.

You were just so busy all the time. A proposal seemed to be the last thing on either of your minds and besides, you were happy and together. That’s all that really mattered.

Peter and Kurt were waiting, but they didn’t mind. You weren’t running late or anything.

“Wow…” You felt embarrassed under Kurt’s adoring gaze. “You look amazing, Liebling.”

“Thank you… You don’t look too bad yourself, Wagner.” You kissed his cheek, leaving a slight imprint from your lipstick.

Now Kurt was a little flustered, his cheek had a slight violet hue to them. He cleared his throat, “Are you… Are you ready to go?”

You nodded, noticing Peter and Ella were also ready.

You all went together in one car. Traffic was surprisingly light, and you had no trouble finding a parking spot.

Kurt opened your door for you, and Peter did the same for Ella.

Some romantic pop song played softly from speakers when you entered the restaurant. Peter told the hostess he had a reservation and she led you all to your table.

You had never been to the restaurant before, but Peter and Ella had. She told you what was good and what wasn’t, how they did certain things, and everything in between.

You ended up getting some kind of fancy salad, with a weird name you couldn’t really remember, but it tasted delightful nonetheless.

“So, Peter and I have something we wanted to tell you guys…”

“No one else really knows, so you can’t tell anyone—”

“Babe,” Ella interrupted him. “I don’t think they’re going to tell anyone.”

“I just wanted to be sure!”

“What is it?” You asked, taking a sip of your drink.

“We’re going to have a baby.”

“Oh— oh my god! This is great news!” You couldn’t believe it. You were going to be an aunt! (Sort of.) Your best friend was going to have a baby!

“Congratulations!” Kurt said.

“Thank you.”

“When did you find out?” You asked.

“Only a few weeks ago,” Ella said. “We’re not really supposed to be telling anyone since it’s so early along, but I couldn’t keep this from you.”

“Well, we’re honored you told us.”

The rest of dinner was mostly about the baby, and so was the car ride back to the mansion.

Peter was just relieved someone else knew, he wasn’t the greatest at keeping secrets. Ella was excited and she was already discussing how if you had a kid, they would be best friends.

You gave her silly name ideas like Avacado, Channel, and Seabusicut.

“Babe, we should totally name the baby, Avacado!”

“Peter, no!”

You all laughed at Ella’s attitude.

“Aww… but it would be so cute!”

Ella glared at him. “We’re not going to be those people.”

“Alright, fine, fine…” He pouted.

You chuckled to yourself and rested your head on Kurt’s shoulder.

You got under the covers, snuggling up to Kurt who was reading a book. You could tell he was focused on other things than his page.

“What’s up, Blue?”

“Hmm?” He looked over at you, losing his train of thought.

“What’s on your mind?”

“Do you want children?”

You blinked.

“Yeah, we’ve talked about this before— but we agreed we were too busy with the X-Men right now to find time for marriage and kids and whatnot.”

Kurt frowned, not content with your answer. “When are we ever not going to be busy?” You shrugged. “Peter and Ella made time… Why don’t we?”

“Kurt, we do.” Your voice didn’t match your words. You knew what he meant.

“I don’t… I don’t know…” You admitted. “I’m sorry…”

His book had been set aside awhile ago, and his hands cupped your face. “No, no, Liebling, it’s not your fault. A relationship is two people working together, and we both want the same things so… I should just go for it.”

Kurt reached over to his bedside table and pulled something out of the drawer.

“Kurt?... What are you doing?...”

“I’ve had this far longer than I’d like to admit…”

It was a ring. In a velvet box.

He was proposing.

“But I know what I want. I know what God has planned for me… I know the risks of our job, and how if… if you never came back from a mission I’d wish I had done more— I had done this…”

“So, (Y/F/N), will you marry me?”

You shook your head, “Yes! Yes! Oh my gosh.” A wave of emotions coming over you, causing you to cry.

Kurt slipped the ring on to your finger, and then quickly wiped the tears from your eyes.

“I love you,” His amber eyes were looking into yours, full of love.

“I love you too.”

#kurt wagner x reader #nightcrawler x reader #x-men x reader #xmen x reader #kurt wagner x you #nightcrawler x you #x-men x you #xmen x you #kurt wagner oneshot #nightcrawler oneshot #x-men oneshot #fluff #peter maximoff x oc #x-men apocalypse #peter maximoff #quicksilver #proposal

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dir-khummel · 5 years ago

Text

They Call Them Crushes || PARA

Who: Kurt & Harlan ( @joieharlan )

Where: Valentine Carnival & Harlan’s Dorm Room

When: February 14th, 2020

Notes/Triggers: NSFW. Kurt and Harlan have hit it off. Maybe too well...

Kurt leaned against a park bench near the kissing booth, tallying the number of people attempting to tongue the one in the booth. He has at three, less than he believed he would see, but humorous nonetheless. We would sometimes wander to enjoy the food and splendor elsewhere, but he always wandered back to the booth. When it seemed Harlan's turn was done, Kurt lifted his fingers to his mouth and whistled. He waved to get Harlan's attention, leaving his hand out. "You said later, right? Is this later enough, or do you want to wait a bit longer?"

Harlan had enjoyed his time in the booth but Kurt's presence since they had kissed hadn't gone unnoticed. With a whistle, he smiled a crooked smile to him. "I did, yeah. I think it might be. So is there some one around here I gotta beat off if i wanna say take you to a couple booth for some fun and then maybe head back to my room for a movie?" His hands shoved into his pockets. "No one should be alone tonight."

Kurt laughed, shaking his head and placing his hands coyly behind his back. "So far, the only obligation I have as an anonymous candygram at nine. But we have a few hours to kill till then, and afterwords I'm free." Kurt pocketed his phone where he was taking his tongue notes, standing up straight. "Show me around to some of the booths. I have always been terrible at the games."

Harlan smiled. "Well I get you home by 9 then." Offering his hand to the other as they walked along. "So tell me more about you, I got the bare minimum before and I know how you kiss, now I want to know about you."

Kurt slid his hand into Harlan's. It was nice for someone to hold his hand like this again. The grip was firm, but not tight. "Well, I'm studying film. I'm the president of the film club, actually, it takes up most of my time. Tonight was one of the rare nights I let myself have a break. Stroke of luck you were here." Kurt leaned in a little closer to Harlan as they walked. "What about you? I don't know much about you, either."

"Film huh? So what do you want to do for them? Direct? Produce?" Harlan smiling as Kurt leaned into him more. It was rather enjoyable to walk around with someone like this. "I'm here for social work mostly. I plan to take over my uncle's farm. He runs a program for special needs kids where they get to ride horses and pet farm animals. I want to do that one day."

"Directing. My plan is to do so well, I get an Oscar before 2030. It is a 'reach for the moon, land among the stars' kind of goals, but aiming high doesn't hurt." Kurt smiled wide at Harlan's goals, shaking his head. "That is just- It's heartwarming, hearing someone going into that sort of work. It is so amazing how something so simple can mean the world to someone else. You must have a big heart."

"Well I can't wait for that to happen and I get to say, I know him and I kissed him." Harlan smiling to Kurt. "Thank you kindly, I mean, I like to think I do." Stopping then a booth. "Would you like a teddy bear?" Pointing to the milk bottle throw they were standing in front of

"Oh, I can see it now! Your face would be on tabloid magazines everywhere!" Kurt waved his free hand dramatically, showing off the gravitas of Hollywood gossip reels with the flick of a wrist. He came back to reality when Harlan pointed to one of the games. "I would love one, if you could get it! I never win at these, I swear they are rigged."

"Yeah, I'll be the man that almost was the famous director's lover." Harlan doing the same motion with his hand. "Oh they're rigged but living where I'm from, you learn tricks about these things." Paying the man, Harlan had three baseballs to use. He used the first to gage the bottle then with the last two, hit down the milk bottles. "Ta'da" Turning to Kurt and handing him the purple bear

"...Well, you don't have to say almost. The night is young, and so are we." Kurt had no idea where some of these quips came from Harlan emanated a foreign type of casual confidence, and it was slowly rubbing off on Kurt. Kurt watched from the sidelines, watching as Harlan, to Kurt's utter shock, knocked the bottles down. He took the bear with a face of confusion. "I-I honestly can't believe you did that- I've never seen anyone win those! Thank you!" Kurt leaned onto onto of his tip-toes, giving Harlan a quick, but meaningful, kiss on the cheek, holding his new prized possession close to his chest. "I'll name him Harlan Jr."

"that is very true." Harlan replied. Who knew how the night would end after all? Seeing him in shock, he smiled at how he was reacting once he had the bear in his arms. "Well alright." Taking his hand once more to stroll again. "So you gotta meet someone at 9 huh, do you know whom it is?"

Kurt kept his new prize close to his chest as they walked along, retaking Harlan's and continuing down the path. "I don't! That is the weird thing. I wasn't even aware someone here felt that way about me... Well, except Dante, but we knew each other years ago, and he isn't so gushy as to get me something like this..." Kurt glanced at Harlan. "Do you know who it is?"

Harlan shook his head to him. "I dont know, I havent really heard much. Sorry but I think it will probably be someone sweet and kind. Since you seem to be both those things." Taking the moment to kiss his cheek with a grin on his lips. "So you and Dante...mind if I ask whats goin on there?"

Kurt nodded, sighing sadly. "They must be... God, I really hope it doesn't go badly. I am not sure what I am going to do at this point... Should I even go?" Kurt asked, just as Harlan's lips pecked his cheek. He stopped their walking, biting his lip a moment. "He and I... I don't know. We talked a lot, and decided that not putting a label on it was best. We don't hate each other, that is for sure." Kurt chuckled, rolling his eyes. "Look at me, lamenting about my problems. What about you? Any issues in the love department?"

"I think you should, you never know, could be the one you're crushing on as well" Harlan giving him a soft wink as he did. Listening closely, Harlan nodded along to what Kurt was saying, though he could see how that could end bad and backfire on them both. "No, not really. Haven't done much beyond going to classes, so I don't mind listenin darlin."

"That is the strange thing, I am not crushing on... anyone, really. I was fully expecting to be alone today." Kurt's grip on Harlan's hand tightened. Kurt nodded, looking across the festival again before returning his gaze back to Harlan. "So, if you don't mind me asking, what piqued your interest in me? You're charming and patient and gentle, so why pick me? I'm all loud and bossy."

"I was too. I mean I was hoping I'd find someone to spend some time with." Stopping for a moment, Harlan grinned to him. This time, he closed the space as he kissed the other man. "Because you're loud and bossy but you're also kind and sweet and very fun to tease." Smirking as he stepped back and started to walk with him once more.

Kurt was about to retort, argue, maybe even been self-deprecating, but stopped short when Harlan's lips claimed his again. His cheeks turned a vibrant pink, hiding his face in the teddy bear when they started walking again. "Fun to tease- That's not fair, you know. I don't know how to tease you!"

"I think you do, just haven't seen it yet." Harlan being the gentleman he was, kissing the back of the other's hand. "I don't know much about you Kurt, but I do know that every one deserves to feel special and wanted. Thats all I'm trying to do." With that, he found another booth and stopped. "Ready to race?" stopping at the booth that had the you spray water into a hole to win.

Kurt smirked when the back of his hand was kissed. It felt like one of the cheesy romance novels he would read. "Well, you are doing an amazing job." Kurt looked to the booth they stopped at, his eyes lighting up a bit. "I remember this game! I would play it at the fair whenever it game around. Sure, of course I'll play!"

"Good to know. My ma will be happy to hear thar. " Harlan said. Seeing his excitement, he couldn't help but smile and be even a bit more excited then he had been. "Well then, let's go. I might even let you win" Teasing him a bit.

Kurt faked his offense. "Let me win? I'm going to smoke you!" Kurt teased, setting the teddy bear in a safe spot so it wouldn't be in the way. "I used to be good at this, I just need to remember the skills nine-year-old me had."

"We'll see, darlin" Harlan taking a seat by him. He wasn't really going to try too hard, just wanting to see how it went. Harlan wasn't one to be very competitive when it came down to it. He just liked having fun.

The two of them sat down to play the game, Kurt determined to win. His competitive nature was showing through in full force. the game commenced, Kurt's eyes on fire, focused on winning the silly carnival game.

Harlan tried but he was more focused on Kurt and seeing him have so much fun in what he did. Win or lose, this moment was on the top of all of his thoughts.

"Yes! See! HA!" The game had ended, and sure enough, Kurt was the victor. He brushed imaginary dust off his fingernails. "Still got it!" The man running the booth handed Kurt a new stuffed toy; a heart shaped plush with a smiling face on it. Kurt looked it over a moment and handed it to Harlan. "There. Now we both have special somethings." Kurt said, grabbing his teddy from it's safe space.

Harlan took the heart, making it beat against his chest. "I like it and I let you win." Standing, he winked and started to walk away, knowing and thinking that Kurt just might follow him. Harlan's hand hung free for this reason.

"No, no, you don't get to take this win from me!" Kurt followed behind, pointing a finger at him. "I won! All me!" Kurt said, hugging his teddy to his chest as he continued to follow Harlan, taking his hand again. "So, where can I find you, after my meeting at nine?"

Harlan chuckled, glad to have Kurt's hand in his once more. "My dorm room, room ### in the Beiste dorm. I'll be there and waiting for you." Kissing his hand once more. "I won't take your win from you, even if its the truth."

Kurt nodded. "Okay.. Well, I'll be there to tell you how everything goes, I guess." Another kiss to his hand had his cheeks and floundering embarrassment back in the forefront. "Whatever, I know in my heart that I truly won."

Harlan nodded, looking at the time. "I'll see you there if it doesnt go in the way I think it just might." With a swift kiss to his lips, Harlan wandered and went back to his room to wait for Kurt. Though his mind wandered to if he'd actually come.

Kurt tried to chase after the kiss as Harlan backed away, but it seemed like this was their goodbye for now...

-:-

It was near nine forty-five when Kurt wandered his way towards Harlan's dorm. He felt so bad for Nikkolai. Kurt thought he let him down gently enough, but that look of sad defeat was heartbreaking. Still, he couldn't aimlessly wander around campus for long. If anything, making himself scarce may be the wise choice, to avoid Nikkolai. When he found the dorm, he knocked softly on the door.

Harlan was sitting around his room in his sweatpants and a tank top as he heard the knock. Opening the door, he was happily surprised to see Kurt there. Letting him in, Harlan shut the door behind him. "I"m guessing it didnt go so well?" His face twisted in concern for the other man

Kurt walked in, hands in his pockets. "It went fine. Actually, for the most part, it was very romantic, but..." Kurt sighed, turning to face Harlan. "It was Nikkolai. He played me a song at the fountain, he said he gets tongue-tied around me, and his note was so nice, but... He's my friend, I just didn't feel the same."

Harlan sighed, at least now he knew who it was and whom Nikkolai had planned to sing to. His face still twisted a bit, he shook his head a bit. "I'm sorry you had to do that. I know he's probably hurting and it sucks. I hope you don't lose him as a friend from this.." Offering Kurt a hug.

Kurt accepted the hug, hiding his face in Harlan's shoudler. "I hope so too... He seemed so sad as he walked away, I really hope he bounces back fast."

Harlan rubbed his back softly. "It might take time but I think he will. Most people do after all" Pulling back enough to look at him. "You want to cuddle and watche something together?"

"He is such a sweet guy. He'll find someone one day." Kurt pulled back with Harlan, nodding at his offer. "I'd like that, a lot." Kurt walked further into the room. "Have you picked out a movie yet? I've been on a 80s high school comedy binge lately."

Harlan held his hand, pulling the other boy into his lap as he smiled to him. "I was going to watch a romcom but I think I can let you choose." Offering him the remote to look through all the streaming services to find something to watch. His arsm wrapping Kurt's waist, chin on his shoulder.

Kurt let himself be pulled into Harlan's lap, eyes going wide at the sudden intimacy. Normally, Kurt would back off at this much intimacy so quick, but his lovelife was such a whirlwind, being pulled in every direction, and Harlan was such an anchor in that very moment- He let it happen. And it felt good. "I can think of a romcom that is also an 80s high school comedy." Kurt turned his head to look at Harlan with a smirk. "Have you ever seen Sixteen Candles?"

Harlan held him but not too tight as he wanted to make sure that if Kurt wanted to move, he could. "I have seen it, not the biggest fan but I don't mind. I'm more into 'Cant buy me love' but I'll watch 16 candles for you. "

"Aww, I love Sixteen Candles..." Kurt sank deeper into Harlan's hold, the invasive thoughts melting away as he felt more of Harlan's body heat. "Maybe seeing it with me will change your mind," Kurt noted, as he found the movie, starting it up.

"Maybe it will" Harlan replied, kissing his cheek as they both turned to focus on the movie. It wasn't too bad but it still wasn't his thing. He spent more time just thinking about the boy in his lap and how he really enjoyed this. It had been so lonely since he came.

The more the movie went on, the more comfortable Kurt got. He leaned further into Harlan's hold, becoming more and more aware of the other man's touch. He placed a hand on Harlan's leg, the movie coming to it's climatic wedding scene. It was then Kurt turned to Harlan. "Has your opinion changed yet?"

Harlan shook his head. "Sorry darlin, it hasn't but it has made me want to kiss you again. " He whispered to him and kissed his cheek then over to his lips. It wasn't a long kiss, just enough to tease. "You are too much fun to kiss"

Kurt accepted the kiss, turning to he was no longer facing the television, now properly in Harlan's lap. "I have to admit, I'm having a good time." Kurt said, leaning in to initiate his own kiss, placing Harlan's hands on his hips.

Harlan smiled. "I'm glad." He kissed him back, holding his hips as they kissed. He pressed in a bit more, tightening his grip and asking for more in the kiss. Lips parting a bit, he smiled as he tugged Kurt's bottom lip.

Kurt gasped in surprise, placing his hands on Harlan's shoulders. Kurt hummed as the kiss continued, Kurt grinding down on Harlan's lap. he had never done anything like this before; he wouldn't get this heated with anyone so soon, but it felt so invigorating.

Harlan let out a soft noises as Kurt grind on him. It had been some time since he had had this much interaction but he didn't mind it. He had made out with his fair share of boys, small towns will do that to you. His hips pressing up to meet Kurt's as his hands moved to grip Kurt's ass.

"Ah!" Kurt exclaimed at the grabbing, breaking the kiss a moment. "Um...maybe not that far- Not that this isn't fun, but..." Kurt sighed, rolling his. Once again, he was running his mouth instead of enjoying the moment. "I-I have never done anything like, um... Today has been a day of firsts, if you get my meaning." His eyes went wide. "Not the virginity first, that happened, but... getting occupied on the first date type of first."

Harlan smiled, even laughed a bit. "I've never gone that far with a guy before, just kind of felt right in the moment." Nuzzling along his jaw some. "We can leave it here if you want, I'm not looking to pressure you."

Kurt cocked an eyebrow, nuzzling Harlan right back. "What, never? But you seemed so natural at it-" Kurt looked at him, sliding his hands down Harlan's chest. "You've never done anything with a guy before?"

"Made out, some handjobs but thats about it." Feeling his hands drift over his chest a bit. "We were both pan but didn't know about going to far and all. Just wanted to try some of the basics. I mean, I have done more with girls but thats about it with boys, darlin." Pressing a kiss to Kurt's jaw then.

The cogs in Kurt's head started turning. he had made it this far, and didn't implode, or even feel overly dirty. Just the normal, good kind of dirty. "Well... I'd hate to leave you without upping the ante, at least." His voice shook a bit as the words came out of his mouth, the the fire and determination in his eyes was unmistakable- He wanted to do this.

"What did you have in mind? And if I'm honest, I don't mind you staying tonight." Harlan thinking that maybe Kurt would take him up on the offer to stay the night. "Cuddles and all that, I'll even make us breakfast in the morning." Just offering more, though it seemed Kurt had another version of more in mind now.

Kurt sucked on his bottom lip a moment. He was so beyond nervous. "I was thinking more along the lines of..." Kurt's hand slowly slid down Harlan's chest, stopping at his beltline. "If I am not intruding, I was hoping to do better than your previous partners..."

Harlan licked his lips, lust lining his eyes. The idea of this angel doing more then those of the past, he couldnt help but like the idea. "Hmm sure, but you know, staying is still something that you can do after." Pulling him into a heated kiss as he moved Kurt's hand to let him feel how the boy had made his body react.

Kurt accepted the kiss, just as the credits from the movie started to play behind them. He gasped into the kiss when he felt just how aroused Harlan had become- All because of him. Kurt still had doubts about doing this, but he shoved them out, taking a bit of Hunter's advice from days before. This was natural, right?... Kurt slowly stroked up and down through his sweatpants, the thin material leaving nothing to the imagination. "W-well, you certainly aren't lacking."

Harlan moaned in the kiss, moving back as Kurt palmed him a bit more. He was taking his life in his hands and damn it did it feel good to be touched like this by such a beautiful man. "Hmm oh yeah?" he whispered to him. "Well thank you, babe." The nickname was easily falling from his lips.

Kurt took this moment to lean to Harlan's neck, placing a soft kiss there, softer than anything he gave the whole nights. "Just... lay back, relax." Kurt said softly into Harlan's ear. He slowly slid down Harlan's body, his knees touching the ground, and with the expertise of some whole who clearly has done this more than once, slid Harlan's sweatpants down with him. His eyes went wide at what he saw. "Oh wow..."

Harlan felt a shiver run down his back, his eyes closing as he found himself shifting on the bed. His hips lifting in a way to help Kurt remove his sweats and smirking as he heard his reaction to seeing him undressed now. "You still think you can handle it, babe?" his fingers sliding through Kurt's hair and leaning down to kiss him before he relaxed once more.

The confident fire in his eyes enraged at the challenge; of course he could! Kurt, with a gentle hand, took hold of Harlan's member, stoking up and down once, using the kiss as a distraction from his movement. "What, you think I can't? Have faith in me, I'm sure I can handle you just fine.”

Harlan groaned and moaned as Kurt touched him as he did. Kissing him back, Harlan smirked. "We'll see darlin. I don't know how much you can take. Why don't you show me now? " Licking his lips, eyes lust blown with the idea of seeing all this.

Kurt smirked, lowering himself further down, keeping his eyes locked on Harlan. He stroked up and down a few more time, trying to gain a little more courage by biding his time. He had done this before, so he had no reason to think he would be bad at it. Still, those few bought seconds earned him the needed willpower to finally lean in, sliding his tongue in a long stripe up the underside of Harlan's cock.

Harlan watched him move lower, his eyes closing to just take the feeling of Kurt's hand on him. With the lick to his cock, Harlan bit his lip, a loud and low moan leaving his lips. "Oh babe, you going to show me what else you can do with that?" Fingers sliding in Kurt's hair once more.

Kurt glowed under the praising and filthy talk, his eyes practically beaming with pride. To say Kurt had a thing for being praised was an understatement. He responded, not with words, but with his tongue swiping a lap around the head of Harlan's cock, slowly, three times. Without pulling away, Kurt closed his lips around Harlan, bobbing his head up and down once, before pulling off with a mischievous smirk.

Harlan was wrapped up in the feeling of Kurt doing what he could to make him moan. He moaned softly and bit his lip and pressed his hips up a bit. He stilled them again, smiling as his heart rate picked up. "Hmm you are good at this. So good babe." Tugging his hair softly.

Kurt took the moaning and raising of his hips as a sign that Kurt was doing just fine. The butterflies in his stomach were gone by now, and hearing all the warm words coming from Harlan had him feel so much more confident about all of this. Kurt brought his mouth back around Harlan's member, starting a slow pace of sliding his head up and down. Harlan's size was not something to laugh at, Kurt closing his eyes to focus on keeping his gag reflex in check as he slid further and further down with each downward slide.

Harlan just played with Kurt's hair as the boy moved deeper on him. He could feel the heat around his member, making him moan. Sure, he had had this done before but he wouldn't lie, a boy doing it was something new and very good feeling to him. Tugging his hair softly, Harlan panted.

Kurt, in normal circumstances, would he stopping anyone from touching his hair, but this felt good; Kurt was actually having fun. He wanted to coax moan after moan out of Harlan, his tongue taking laps around his shaft, the entirety of his member sliding into his throat with ease. Kurt prided himself on his skill, but this was something entirely different. This felt wild, untamed, like a part of Kurt he had been holding back was unleashed, and Harlan's cock was the victim.

Harlan was a goner already and knew that. It had been some time since someone had done this to him and he wasn't going to last. He did his best though, wanting to give Kurt all he seemed to be looking for as well. Tugging at his locks more, Harlan moaned a little louder. "Gonna make me come, babe."

Kurt took Harlan's admission as a prompt to take his mouth off for a moment, breathing in a bit before smirking. "T-That's the goal." Kurt teased, going back to his previous task. A bubble of nervousness boiled up in Kurt's brain, something he hadn't thought about till this point; spit or swallow? Kurt from ten years ago would have never thought of swallowing, but the last thing he wanted was to walk home with a stain on him. And he just got this shirt! With a resigned affirmative, Kurt resorted to keeping his mouth locked onto Harlan till he was finished... finishing.

Harlan laughed softly, though it was weak and breathy from all the pleasure that was building up in him. He bit his lip and his eyes rolled back into his head. He didnt think he could do much more and with one good long suck, he found himself coming. Harlan moaning the other boy's name and pressing him down to hopefully keep him there and have him take the load. Letting go as he got soft, Harlan slumped a bit and smirked. "Damn, thats what I was missing huh?"

Kurt had enough time to mentally prepare himself before Harlan came into his mouth. And with as much grace as he could muster, he swallowed it all. When he couldn't feel any more being released, Kurt popped his mouth off, slowly sliding his tongue up and down gently, to clean off anything left over. When he thought he did a good enough job, he smirked back at Harlan, swirling his finger over the head of his cock like he would the rim of a wine glass. "It's a little different, huh?"

Harlan pulled him up and into a kiss. He could taste himself on Kurt's lips. "Yeah, it was, very. But I think it has more to do with who was on their knees for me, darlin." Whispering against his lips, kissing him once more, his hand cradling the back of Kurt's head in the kiss.

Kurt accepted the kiss, arching himself into the touch as he slowly pulled Harlan's sweatpants back where they belong. "Mmm, and Lord knows how I love being on my knees," Kurt joked, rolling his eyes at the line and letting himself melt into the kiss again.

Harlan chuckled a bit. "Well I think I like you on my lap more or at least in a kiss. Now do you need help with anything? I can't promise I can do that, but i can help ya" Not feeling it was right to let Kurt suck him and not at least offer to help Kurt get off as well.

Kurt chuckled, leaning back from Harlan as the erotic air seemed to tone down. Kurt paused a moment, licking his lips and shaking his head. "No, I'm alright. We should um..." Kurt's cheeks turned a deep pink. He was aroused, this was the most action he's had in months. Yet, on his journey through many firsts, this was one he was not ready to jump over. "We should stop here, if that's okay?"

Harlan shrugged to him. "Alright, darlin. You know I said we'd do whatever you were comfortable with and so if this is it, then it is." Standing, he pulled him close. Harlan's hands on his ass. "So you going to stay over or do I need you let you go?"

“Thank you,” Kurt said, pecking Harlan’s lips again. He slid out of his lap, checking his outfit over and leaning back over Harlan. “I’ll go, this time. Just... keep me in mind. This was fun, and I don’t think I’d be against doing it again.”

Harlan nodded. "Look forward to seeing you again then." his hand in Kurt's he walked with him to the door. "Gentleman always see their guests out." Leaning against the door as he let Kurt walk past. A smirk on his lips. "See you soon." He called out as he shut the door.

#para; harlan #//IT HAPPENED #joievday

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florrickandassociates · 6 years ago

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TGF Thoughts: 3x01-- The One About The Recent Troubles

HI GUYS I WROTE A LOT

New season, new naming convention. Well, it’s either that or Diane Lockhart’s joined a reboot of Friends. Jokes aside, I don’t love the new naming convention (I never watched Friends) but I don’t dislike it either. It’s fine. What I do like is that we’ve dropped any sort of counting (unless you consider “the one” counting). (I am just now realizing that last season’s episode titles were more in the TGW tradition than I thought-- they were just another form of counting). Three seasons in, TGF is its own show (with its own titles!), and that makes me very happy.

I’m about to hit play on my third viewing of this episode. I watched at 5 am on the day it was released (worth it, tbh), then again with my roommate after work that same day.

This year’s previously montage works better than last year’s, but I still don’t love it. The selection of clips seems a little random at first: Liz talking about her father? The Assholes to Avoid case that I was hoping to avoid thinking about ever again? Okay…?

It’s time for some tone-setting! “I’m happy,” Diane states as the season opens. She’s in bed with Kurt, waking up in the morning. This is one of those statements that becomes important mostly because it’s so prominent. I believe that Diane’s happy with her life and happy waking up next to her husband, but I don’t think Diane is trying to make a Thesis Statement. I think she’s just expressing that she feels good. The writers, however, definitely want us to note that Diane starts out the season in a good, happy place. This is because they are going to slowly complicate and destroy Diane’s happiness. That’s not a spoiler-- it’s a prediction.

Kurt laughs. “You like narrating your life,” he comments. Interesting.

“You know, there are psychological studies that say, when people are happy, they look desperately for things to make them unhappy. But that won’t happen to us, will it?” Diane wonders. Of course it will. I know these writers. If there’s one thing they hate it’s writing more than a few scenes of a healthy marriage.

Diane and Kurt’s new bedroom confuses me. It has an arch that seems very low and I can’t tell if that’s the angle or not. Also, we only see the area with the bed, the bathroom, and a large sitting room in this episode. It would make sense for Diane to have a bedroom suite and a separate living room/dining room/kitchen, but the way this episode is shot makes it feel like Diane and Kurt only have that one space.

Now Diane’s asking Kurt for reassurance that everything’s going to be alright, and she seems moderately worried that he doesn’t sound certain when he responds. Maybe there are still some issues there…?

“What could go wrong?” Kurt asks, and right on cue, shit starts to blow up. (By which I mean the title sequence rolls.)

New objects/shots this year include: A tea set, aerial shots of a wine bottle, coffee cups (they discovered aerial shots this year and clearly liked them a lot), the same four purses from last year but arranged differently (looks cooler now), new images on the TV (bye, tiki torch nazis), and the entire set where they staged the explosions.

The third co-creator is still listed, because his name will be attached to this show for as long as it runs, but I really want to know: what did Phil Alden Robinson even do to create the show? Invent the basic sketch of the premise and the new characters? Just today I saw him credited in an article praising season 3, and it’s my understanding that he hasn’t even touched TGF since the pilot, back before the Kings signed on.

The Kings wrote this episode, but I didn’t need the credits to tell me that. Robert directed, too, which is only surprising because I wasn’t sure if it would be him or if it would be Brooke Kennedy.

Complaining about this now before I get any farther into the episode: CBS, FIX YOUR CLOSED CAPTIONING. Someone over at All Access doesn’t believe in apostrophes and it’s driving me up a wall.

After the credits, we resume with Julius talking about Carl Reddick, founding partner of RBL and civil rights icon. Julius has to be prompted to add on that last part, but Lucca doesn’t: she read about Reddick in history books.

Lucca’s dress for the interview shouldn’t work, but she pulls it off. It has several different colors and patterns, big gold buttons, and a ruffle down one side.

Here’s Liz’s comment on her father: “When my father died, I could think of no better way to honor his life than by taking over his partnership here.” We know that’s only partially true.

Next up is Reddick’s secretary of 15 years. She refers to him as “Mr. Reddick” instead of “Carl” and seems uncomfortable talking about her experience. Jay and Marissa, who have for some reason been tasked with creating promotional materials for the firm, notice her hesitance. Marissa asks what a typical day was like, and the secretary-- Cynthia-- starts to cry.

Cut to the RBL website, which is very boring and generic. “Who are you?” a publicity consultant asks Adrian and Liz. This reminds me of two things: one, Diane and Will’s conversation in season 4 about firm identity, and two, the fact that Hitting the Fan started off with the line “You’re stable.” Isn’t that very reminiscent of this episode starting off with, “I’m happy.”?! Yikes, we must be in for a ride…

Adrian’s answer is that they are a “mid-size Chicago law firm.” Really? That’s all you’ve got? The consultant pushes further-- he wants their story. Liz says their story is that they’re growing with new hires and a new floor. The consultant isn’t happy with that, either, because he seems to believe there’s only one right answer: they’re an African American firm, and that is their entire identity. Ugh.

When TGF first started, RBK felt like a firm that had an identity and a mission-- a commitment to giving black lawyers opportunities for success in an environment where no one would be a token, coupled with a strong focus on civil rights cases (particularly police brutality cases). I assumed that was the shared goal of Carl, Adrian, and Barbara, but the firm’s gone through enough changes that I’m willing to accept that RBL might now be struggling for an identity. Carl’s dead, Barbara was always the one who would actually put her money where her mouth is (sorry, Adrian), Diane is (as always) interested in being profitable while looking like a liberal legend, and Liz accepted partnership because it was a lucrative offer that fell into her lap right when she lost her job at the DOJ.

Adrian says he doesn’t want RBL to be sold as an African American law firm. Hasn’t he pitched it as such in the past?

“Diversity is in right now. Black Panther. Black-ish. And diversity is something you have in sp-- in abundance,” the consultant says. My God, he’s terrible. He’s also using “diverse” and “black” as interchangeable words.

Adrian gets a reprieve when Jay and Marissa call him out of his meeting, but it doesn’t last long. Cynthia, Carl’s secretary, told Jay and Marissa that Carl repeatedly sexually assaulted her.

“He forced her for 15 years? Why would Cynthia stay for 15 years?” Adrian asks incredulously. “Seriously?” Marissa replies. Woah there. I agree wholeheartedly with Marissa but just because I’d write “SERIOUSLY?” in a recap doesn’t mean I’d ever say it to a name partner with that tone! (But really: Marissa’s very right. “Why would she stay?” is a terrible argument. Cynthia had bills to pay and a family (or at least a daughter) to care for. She likely didn’t have the luxury of looking for a new job. And that’s setting aside the fact that for decades, language around sexual assault wasn’t widely known!)

Adrian asks Marissa and Jay to keep quiet, and Marissa pushes back, asking if it’s so they can cover it up. Marissa! You’re not helping your cause here!

“Marissa, I don’t have the luxury right now of being outraged. That doesn’t mean I’m not outraged,” Adrian explains.

In the hallway, Jay suggests that Marissa give Adrian (and Carl) a break, since the Reddick name brings in half of their business, and if Reddick’s name becomes toxic, the firm could be in trouble. “Well, then, maybe it should be,” Marissa responds.

I loooooooove Diane’s new hairstyle! It’s been ten years; it’s time for a change.

Diane is about to head into the office when she notices Kurt went hunting the previous night with a gun he hates. And to make matters worse, there are blonde hairs on his jacket and Kurt won’t admit he went shooting with anyone. Well, I guess Diane’s happiness didn’t last very long at all.

Maia has a scratched cornea, so she’s wearing big sunglasses. “I wouldn’t wear those when you meet with the partners,” Marissa says, planting a bad idea in Maia’s mind. The sunglasses take two seconds to explain, and no one is going to fault her for this. If Maia didn’t get fired for not doing any work over a two year period, she’s going to be just fine wearing medically-required sunglasses to an internal meeting.

Julius wants to talk to Maia and explains that on the new website, they’re adding associate and partner bios. They just might not be adding Maia’s. “Don’t take it as a criticism. You’re doing a great job,” Julius says. This is basically the only circumstance in which I understand giving Maia praise: trying to keep her from causing a scene by stroking her ego.

Since Maia took off her sunglasses, she now appears to be crying. Since Maia lacks common sense, she does not explain why she is crying, leading Julius to keep heaping on the praise and explain the obvious (it’s about her parents’ scandal). Maia says she understands and that “this is all medical.” THAT’S SO VAGUE, MAIA. You’re looking for the sentence you just said to Marissa: “I have a scratched cornea.” I know this moment is supposed to be funny. It just makes Maia look impressionable (she took off the glasses) and slow (she can’t easily navigate out of this situation when the exit route is obvious). I already think Maia is both of those things, so I’m not complaining about this scene (I did laugh!), it’s just… Maia, why???

Julius is so confused by Maia’s odd reaction that he goes straight to Lucca’s office. Lucca is pumping and doesn’t care who sees, because she’s the fucking best. Julius asks Lucca to talk to Maia about the website.

Diane’s still thinking about the hair when she arrives at RBL. Marissa greets her with an empty mug, I mean, with coffee. Diane asks what Adrian wants to talk to her about, and Marissa says, “I’ve been told I speak too much, so I won’t handle that.” If Marissa weren’t so good at her job she’d need to watch out.

Marissa tries to join Adrian and Diane’s meeting, and Adrian slowly closes the door in her face. Marissa walks away. I love it when this show emphasizes that their main players aren’t all of equal status at the firm, and this episode does a fantastic job of showing it.

Adrian explains the Reddick issue to Diane. He’s (wisely) chosen to go to Diane before Liz about this.

Adrian’s plan is to have Cynthia sign an NDA, and now there’s a “Good Fight Short” to educate us about NDAs. God, this show is weird and I love it.

“Think they’re maybe always in a red folder but I didn’t do my research that well” cracks me up.

“Let’s try to count all the red folders in the show today. You know what who cares just pay attention, put your phone away,” the song continues. Okay, show, I’ll listen to you and put my phone (on which I’m watching this show) away and go run my errands. That’s what you wanted, right?

A storm rolls in as Adrian and Diane pay Cynthia a visit. Thunder is dramatic, in case you were unaware.

Adrian tells Cynthia he knew nothing about Reddick’s behavior. He reaches for the NDA a little too quickly and Diane slows things down.

Adrian promises they’ll have sexual harassment training moving forward. Cynthia reminds him that they’ve always had that-- but partners never attended. Or, apparently, remembered that it existed.

Diane and Adrian hear pots and pans banging in the kitchen and realize that Cynthia’s daughter is home. That complicates things because the daughter anticipates the NDA and doesn’t want her mom to sign.

When Cynthia leaves the room, Adrian comments to Diane that “this house, it reminds me of my aunty’s house.” Diane just smiles, probably because that’s a reference she can’t understand.

The partners hold a secret meeting without Liz, which is certainly a way to handle this but probably not the optimal way. Liz should know what’s going on before any NDAs concerning her firm are created.

Liz notices that the offices are empty, and asks Marissa (who’s walking past) where everyone is. “I have no idea. I’m just staying on the sidelines today,” Marissa says unhelpfully. Great attitude. Very professional. As you’d expect, Liz is not satisfied with that answer.

Downstairs, the MANY partners of RBL are debating next steps. Why do they always pack these partner meeting scenes with so damn many extras? How many partners am I meant to believe they have?!

As we learned in the Assholes to Avoid episode, the most interesting thing about #MeToo is that it’s controversial and leads people to talk over each other. That’s what’s happening in this scene, but it works far better than the show’s last attempt at showing this idea. Unsurprisingly, when they have more to say than just “controversial topic is controversial” they do better.

And, I’m not sure where to put it so I’ll just say it here, I think the Kings have more to say about #MeToo, and a new (and better) angle on it because it hit closer to home. This plot isn’t a reenactment of what happened with Moonves, but the ideas it explores? Once you think about Moonves and the role he had in bringing TGW to life (and keeping it on the air), it’s all you’ll see. This plot is the Kings reckoning with how to move forward and create distance after a powerful man in no small part responsible for their own success turns out to be a serial harasser.

And that’s so much more interesting than “what if we took the Aziz Ansari thing but removed all nuance?” TGW, and TGF, wouldn’t have existed without Les Moonves. I’m pretty certain I’ve heard the Kings and Julianna-- and probably other cast members-- speak glowingly about him (before the allegations, obvs). He allowed TGW to flourish (and TGF to exist, which is kind of amazing when you think about it) while also enabling sexual assault all throughout CBS.

The reason for this meeting? Now they want to pay Cynthia off. Diane suggests letting the story surface, emphasizing that Carl did good things and bad things. Diane also, wisely, notes that if they pay someone off, then it becomes the whole firm’s problem. But it seems they might have already paid someone off, so it’s too little, too late. RBK had, in 2012, agreed to cover all of Reddick’s sexual harassment suits. (This is, apparently, “standard” for CEOs, barf.)

I’d still like to dig into Diane’s “just own it” idea a little more, but I do see why the other partners (the ones who were actually there for the bulk of the time Reddick was) shut it down.

Then Wendy, the stenographer, speaks up: Carl Reddick assaulted her, too. If there are two, there are more than two, and I’m surprised that Liz is the first person to suggest this.

At home, later, Diane scrolls through Netflix (not a streaming site, this is Netflix’s layout with different shows), unable to decide what to watch. I’m sad to report none of the fake shows are any fun, and none of them are Darkness at Noon. I guess Darkness at Noon is probably on AMC All Access, behind a paywall…

Kurt arrives home and asks what Diane’s doing. “Figuring out whether to watch a German series about serial killers or a Scandinavian series about serial killers,” Diane replies. Haven’t we all been there? That’s scrolling through Netflix in one sentence.

Diane has “helped” Kurt pack for a trip, and THANK GOD, she’s not kicking him out (that’s how scenes where the husband arrives home to find his bags packed always go). She’s passive-aggressively packing for his upcoming trip she discovered on their credit card account.

Kurt’s going on a safari. Diane says she doesn’t shoot anymore (I guess since 2x10?) and wants to know who Kurt’s going with. Shouldn’t Kurt be telling Diane if he’s going to go on a safari?

Kurt senses something’s up and asks what’s wrong. Diane says work has her thinking about “men.” Then she tells Kurt she doesn’t think he’s being honest and says she doesn’t like pretending to be the “cool wife who overlooks lies.” Is “Cool Wife” a variation of “Cool Girl” and if so, can we get a Gillian Flynn novel about it, please?

Finally, the truth emerges: Kurt isn’t hiding an affair (though Diane briefly suspects he’s seeing someone named “Holly Westfall” again… idk, have we ever heard that name? Nothing’s coming to mind, because Kurt never cheated on Diane and Peter’s trial never happened.). He’s giving private shooting lessons to 45’s sons.

My GOD, Diane’s reaction.

I love how every time Diane says “safari” she says it with a little more disbelief in her voice.

Kurt says this is just a job; he’s being paid. Can he take someone else’s money then? How strapped for cash is he? This is like the “we’re defense attorneys!” line Diane always goes back to. SURE, but you don’t have to take EVERY case to be profitable.

Diane proceeds to start BANGING HER HEAD AGAINST THE WALL, REPEATEDLY. This scene is simultaneously comedic, dramatic, and ridiculous and I love it. I’m not sure how it manages to feel far-fetched and also character-driven at the same time, but hey, it works.

Diane storms out, saying she’s going to do something she should’ve done nine months ago: conjure up space bugs. Okay, no, she’s making contact with her FuzzyFuzzyCuteCute friend, but she’s doing so in a way that involves moving lots of flowers to her windowsill, and THAT’S HOW YOU DRAW IN THE SPACE BUGS.

In case I haven’t said it enough times, TGF in some ways seems more like it’s a continuation of BrainDead than TGW.

Diane talks to Tara and asks her to break her NDA (some legal nonsense) and come forward with allegations that 45 paid for her abortion. Tara asks Diane why now, and Diane’s answer is kind of bullshit: “because now it’s personal.” And it wasn’t before?! And that matters?! (I believe it from Diane, but come on. You need it to be personal to fight this as hard as you can? The fact that this administration’s policies are having catastrophic effects on families isn’t enough?)

Adrian finally shows Liz the interview with Cynthia, and Audra McDonald could win an Emmy for her reaction shots alone (I can’t say enough times how pleased I am with the addition of Liz). Adrian draws the curtains of Will’s office, I mean Liz’s office, to give them some privacy. Good move.

Liz wants to know if Adrian knew, and she has good reasons to believe he might have. For one, when they were married, Adrian asked how her parents were doing-- suggesting they might have reason to not be doing so well.

Liz goes into her bathroom (first time we’ve seen this set, though we’ve obviously known it existed from ~Willicia sexytimes~) (Not to derail this recap entirely, but does anyone else ever wonder how Willicia would’ve played in this day and age? I wouldn’t consider it assault or harassment because it was obviously consensual, but I don’t know that you can do a boss/employee romance plot as easily today as you could in 2011.)

Liz, through tears, confesses that her father didn’t always treat her mom (or “us”-- I assume meaning Liz and any siblings she may have) well. She’d always rationalized it as the part of “sharing him with the world” while he was “fighting,” but “he was just here.” God, this is devastating, and this scene is spectacularly done.

Adrian tries to comfort Liz, but she realizes something: Adrian put in the glass walls. She wants to know why. Was he trying to force Carl to be more transparent about something? Liz remembers her dad complaining about the glass walls. Adrian says it was just a design choice. Liz doesn’t believe it, but she’s moved on to other things. She’s putting on her jacket and trying to decide her next move. She angrily opens up the curtains even though she’s about to leave her office (just to show that she values transparency) and marches down to the partner’s meeting.

Everyone quiets down when Liz walks in. She grabs a notepad and a chair and begins to take an active role in negotiating payouts. Julius mentions Wendy, and Liz didn’t know about Wendy yet. Her reaction? A long pause, and then: “My dad raped the stenographer?”

Have I mentioned yet that Audra’s great? She delivers the line with a fantastic blend of anger and resignation. And I love the line itself, particularly the use of the word “rape.” Aside from Cynthia’s daughter, Liz is the first person in the episode to call Carl’s actions what they are, and it’s meaningful to hear the word from her. Liz isn’t shying away from what her father did; she is trying to figure out how to name it and address it. Pretty remarkable.

Liz volunteers to make the deal with Cynthia. She immediately begins to ask Jay for help, but she thinks again and goes to Marissa instead (and says “rape” again) to find out if there are any others. Adrian and Diane should’ve had Marissa on this yesterday.

LUCCA!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry I’m just happy to see Lucca Quinn, who is the best and does not get nearly enough screentime. Because Lucca is the best, she’s meeting with the partners. She thinks something must be wrong-- that she’s about to be fired (no!!! I don’t even like thinking about that!!). But nothing is wrong. “In fact, consider this a promotion,” Adrian says. He offers Lucca the position of head of divorce law. (What are the odds we get through this arc without a cameo from David Lee?)

People who know more about the law than I do, is this even remotely plausible? Shouldn’t this be Lucca’s specialty if we’re going to see her head it up? Have we ever seen her on a divorce case?

The guy they had hired to head up divorce law had “harassment issues at his last firm.” “And that’s a problem these days?” Lucca jokes, not knowing just how bad her timing is. No one else laughs. (I! Love! Scenes! That! Show! That! Some! Of! The! Characters! Are! Junior! Staff!)

Lucca does not seem to want this promotion, but she realizes she’s being told, not asked.

Meanwhile, Maia’s spending her work day staring at the company website. Adrian stops by to see her (guess Lucca didn’t talk to her) and console her about the website. Maia now chooses to explain her scratched cornea. She doesn’t explain it clearly, so Adrian continues with his speech. “This is not a reflection of how we feel about you. It’s a branding thing.”

I suppose the same could also be said of the fact that the main poster for this season of TGF features Diane, Adrian, and Lucca when the first two seasons had posters featuring Diane, Maia, and Lucca. Maia adds less value, to the show and to the firm!!!!!

(I don’t hate this Maia plot, I just think it’s silly and unnecessary, and Maia’s still done nothing to prove to me that she’s interested in her job and/or good at it.)

“You keep up the good work,” Adrian says. Forget good work. What WORK?

The partners fussing over the website has made it a Big Deal for Maia, and now she’s pissed! Luckily, Marissa’s there to teach her how to be a badass.

“I’m a third year associate, and they are treating me like I was hired yesterday,” Maia fumes. Well, are you doing the work of a third year associate, or are you doing the “work” of a new hire who hasn’t yet been staffed on projects and just stares at the company website all day? Hmmmmm?

Marissa blames this on “the curse of short people.” Is Maia short? She’s never seemed short. Rose Leslie is, according to Google, 5��6”, which is hardly short! Then Marissa starts rambling about “the volcano of Vulcan” and, whatever, Marissa, I think Maia’s problem is that she has scumbag parents, not that she’s short.

Marissa’s advice-- which is basically to be more confident-- isn’t bad advice. But that’s not why Maia’s not on the website. Maia could be Lucca levels of incredible and her name would still look toxic on the website.

Maia’s so awkward she makes me look confident.

Marissa commands a “tall lady” not to wash her hands after using the bathroom and what, that’s gross, why are you doing this Marissa?

Marissa has a gift for Maia: Sunglasses that are “cool.” Marissa then breaks the doctor-approved sunglasses. Seems… unwise.

New, cool Maia gets a theme song and a leather jacket. She makes quite an impression on the image consultant in the elevator, and he asks her out. She rejects him. Ha ha.

Liz and Jay head to Cynthia’s next. They remember meeting each other before. Liz mentions the NDA, and Cynthia responds, “Your father wasn’t a bad man.” “I don’t understand how you can feel that way after everything that he did,” Liz replies.

Liz seems like she’s close to getting a signature on the NDA when Naomi Nivola, the reporter from 2x05, appears at her door asking about sexual harassment. Cynthia’s daughter tipped her off. I’m very happy to see Naomi again, not because I think she’s a wonderful character but because I thought Adrian’s “starfucking” excuse was too weak of a conclusion to her plotline last season. I’m almost glad to know she still holds a grudge, because it doesn’t let Adrian off the hook for some shitty behavior. Adrian isn’t Carl Reddick levels of disgusting but he’s done some troublesome things (and the way he talks to the female characters is a little condescending, no??)

(I went to re-read my thoughts on 2x05 and Naomi as I was writing this, and apparently I said I thought an episode about NDAs as they relate to #MeToo would be interesting. Hah!)

It’s still raining.

“I’ll talk to Naomi, find out what she knows,” Adrian decides. “You?! No,” Liz replies. Adrian actually asks why not!!!

Liz goes to settle with the stenographer next, and, again, she insists on doing it herself.

Maia is holding an NDA and sitting out at one of the associate desks, surrounded by a bunch of black men (does the firm have female associates?). Maia’s holding a red folder, and while that should mean she’s working on a case, she probably just picked it up because it was BOLD LIKE HER. What are work files if not accessories to make you look badass?

Maia’s also got her feet up on the desk. YOU’RE AT WORK, GIRL.

Julius asks Maia to move her feet. “Yeah? What do you need?” she replies. Julius is too stunned to actually play rank. Maia takes this as a victory. She shouldn’t. She can do this once, maybe twice, before it stops being cute and confusing and starts looking like what it is: an entitled white girl acting out and being disrespectful. If she wants to create distance from her parents’ scandal-- the actual issue here-- then she needs to be mature and develop a plan to work around it. She could, for example, take on lots of charity work and write an op-ed about deciding to help turn her dad in, and what she’s learned about the world from having her world crash down. Acting out in designer boots, red lipstick, and sunglasses is going to make Maia look like the oblivious child of privilege she is.

Why does this show insist on saying that Maia’s biggest weakness is her lack of boldness? She’s just awkward. She’s plenty confident. She just expresses it poorly.

I know this is a comedic subplot but Maia does not really behave like a human being??? Who would have that interaction and then feel self-satisfied? This is her place of work!!! She looks ridiculous!! She just talked back to a partner!!

Wendy doesn’t want to sign the NDA, and she doesn’t want any money. She says she’ll never tell anyone, because “there are so many people who want to destroy men. Black men.” And she doesn’t want to be a part of it. Interesting perspective, not one I agree with but one I’m pleased the writers included because it adds some nuance to the episode’s exploration of #MeToo.

Naomi and Jay talk in a not-very-interesting scene that includes some weird and unnecessary close ups of Jay. Main takeaway: Naomi thinks it’s Adrian who assaulted Cynthia.

Don’t really get why it’s great that Naomi thinks it’s Adrian. I suppose she’s a good enough journalist she wouldn’t publish a story there was no evidence for, but Adrian being able to deny it without lying hardly seems like cause for celebration. And would Naomi really drop it if Adrian said he didn’t rape anyone?

Eric and Don bailed on the safari, so Kurt’s still around. He winces when Diane hugs him, and Diane doesn’t let it slip. Kurt, being Kurt, says nothing is wrong.

He goes to the bathroom, and Diane’s phone rings. It’s Tara saying she won’t come forward.

Diane joins Kurt in the bathroom (lots of scenes in bathrooms this ep) and notices he has a huge bruise on his shoulder because Eric or Don shot him. We don’t get to find out-- and neither does Diane-- because Kurt’s signed an NDA about the incident. HAHAHA!

Adrian has his interview with Naomi. He denies they’ve asked Cynthia to sign an NDA, and denies he harassed her. And that’s it, until Naomi reveals THE REAL STORY: Assholes to Avoid.

I wonder, IRL, how much this would hurt the firm. I also am still not sure why they took that damn case. 2x05 and whichever ep was Assholes (I mentioned I’m glad we’re not counting days anymore, right?) annoyed me more than basically any other s2 episode because they were tied up so neatly, so I’m happy to see both cases come back to complicate things.

Now shit gets weird. I assume this next scene is one of the “soliloquies” the Kings mentioned that the season would include, and I like the idea more than the execution. The characters taking turns verbalizing their inner thoughts in eloquent speeches to no one? Sure! I’m down! Diane suddenly beginning to talk to a Trump-shaped bruise THAT MOVES AND TALKS in the middle of an episode? I’ll just say I hope they’re not all like this.

“The footman to the king. I am married to the footman to the king,” Diane starts. Then TrumpBruise talks back (don’t love this impersonation). I think this would work just fine as a monologue, and I definitely don’t need the animation. I couldn’t see it the first time through and the episode was better for it.

Anyway, Diane’s upset that Kurt’s become a worthless servant to a family she loathes, and she connects this to her ongoing thoughts on the State of Masculinity.

“What has happened to men? Where did the real guys go? Why do we now have these snide little creatures with slicked-back hair and cologne? What happened to Paul Newman and Burt Lancaster? What happened to men who were slow to anger and responsible and who didn’t cry like whiny little bitches? When did Trump and Kavanaugh become our idea of an aggrieved man, quivering lips, blaming everyone but themselves? You’re not fit to kiss my husband’s feet. A truthful man, uncomplaining, never passing the buck, never punching unless he’s punched. When did he become the exception?” Okay. But toxic masculinity is not a new thing. This isn’t insightful enough for me to applaud it and it’s not offensive/wrong enough for me to actually want to dissect it. I like that the show’s taking risks and like the soliloquy idea but this is… meh.

Bruise starts talking about how happy he is. He’s taunting Diane (well, technically, Diane is criticizing herself) because she was happy earlier, and now she’s not and this asshole Bruise is sooooo happy.

So Diane’s solution is to leak Tara’s abortion. Interestingly, she imagines TrumpBruise calling her out on breaking Tara’s confidence. Implying that Bruise has a conscience (or enough savvy to push her buttons), even one fueled by Diane’s imagination, feels weird to me. Diane’s imagining Bruise has a conscience?!

FRANCESCA IS STILL AROUND!!! My wish to ditch Colin and keep his mom came true!

Francesa is singing “I Wanna Be Sedated” to her grandson. Of course she is.

I’m unclear on a few things with this scene: who is Francesca talking to? Does Francesca know them? This must be Lucca’s house (?) if Francesca is leaving and taking calls for Lucca, but why does Lucca have a land line, and why would a client be calling her on it?

Francesca has an Instagram. God, I would love it if that account existed.

Lucca’s baby is really cute. What’s the kid’s name? Is it Joseph?

Francesca tells Lucca she’s the perfect divorce lawyer. Anyone else feel like we missed a scene or three with this Lucca/divorce law plot? Why would Francesca say that? Does she know about the opportunity? Was Lucca working divorce cases and doing great? MORE LUCCA NOW.

Maia’s still wearing her sunglasses the next day (unclear if this is for medical reasons or because she doesn’t know when to just stop). She’s sitting in on a meeting of the partners about the new Assholes scandal.

Adrian says they need to get their story straight, that they didn’t know they were taking down the site. That’s blatantly false, and Maia speaks up to say so. Adrian says they didn’t. Um, they did. Julius asks Maia to step out, and Lucca, who has a seat at the table, defends Maia. Julius says “this should be a partner thing” and Maia gets up to leave. Lucca, who is also not a partner unless we did, indeed, miss multiple Lucca scenes, asks Maia for her opinion.

On her way out, Maia says RBL should “own it. Our client wanted us to take down a #MeToo site. We didn’t agree, but we took it down. Because we’re that good.” Meh. That’s really the only way out of this. But as a client, I would not be reassured by that, especially not if I had brought my business to a firm specifically because of its values.

Adrian takes Badass!Maia’s advice, word for word. And it works. This particular client also wants to know who Maia Rindell is. He typed in ReddickBoseman.net instead of .com (but WHY) and it landed on a “really really cool” page about Maia.

Liz and Adrian immediately go to find this cool site, and Adrian shows how hip he is by typing a url in the search bar. What pops up is a site with the RBL logo and several ~fashionable~ pictures of Maia and her Miraculous Sunglasses. It’s hilariously terrible. They’re not bad pictures, but it’s sooooooooooooooooo inappropriate and ridiculous. It’s also unnecessary, and I know I’m overthinking a sight gag (and it is an effective sight gag) but if Maia wanted to be on the website that badly, she could have, you know, SAID SO instead of making a fucking website.

Lol @ Maia staging a photoshoot at the office. Why wouldn’t she?

The website has the tagline “younger-tougher-smarter”. Well, one of those things is true, and you all know which one it is.

Cynthia’s back, in the office, to sign the NDA. She does.

Marissa’s prepared her research on Carl Reddick. She leaves it with Liz, in a green folder.

Diane goes to Naomi with Tara’s story. We don’t hear her tell it, so there’s a chance she thought better of it, but omg, how shitty, Diane!!!!!

Liz and Adrian share a drink. Adrian says he did suspect that Carl might have been having an affair, he just never thought it was assault.

“Your dad was really good to me, Liz. He’s the reason I have a career,” Adrian explains. “Me too,” Liz says, raising her glass. Damn. I don’t think those words were chosen unintentionally. Lots of layers to this scene.

Adrian decides to lighten the mood by mocking the image consultant. Liz, who’s wearing heels similar to the ones Maia was wearing earlier and has her feet up just like Maia did, comes up with an identity for the firm: “We’re a firm with no past. Not anymore. We’re starting over. That’s refreshing.”

Then they toast to Peter Florrick’s State’s Attorney campaign slogan/the writer’s perpetual favorite phrase: “New beginnings.” But it’s still storming, and the folder with all of Carl Reddick’s past misdeeds is sitting feet away. Dramatic!

As the credits roll, there’s an actual count of all the red folders in the episode. Heh.

I’m very on board with this season so far. Can’t wait to see what happens next!

Couldn’t all the episodes of this show (and TGW) be called The One About the Recent Troubles, though???

#the good fight #tgf thoughts #i feel so out of practice. what are words and how do i make them go together?!

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writing-freak · 6 years ago

Text

Useless pt. 1

Hank McCoy x Reader

A/N: My first series!! Also my first x-men story (coincidence???)! Honestly, I was writing a one-shot, and I got to the end and it was over 11 pages so..... I figured it’d be easier to read split up into a few parts?? Let me know how you like it!

Word Count: 1,844

Masterlist

You loved X-Mansion, and you loved everyone in it. You loved having a place in which you finally belonged, a place that you could call home, people you could call a family. You looked forward to each sunrise, each day filled with classes with the other students, who you had fit in with almost immediately.

You loved all of them, your little family. You loved Jean, with her kind smiles and warm hugs, and Ororo, with her tough shell but soft inside. You loved Scott, who cared for Jean much more than he liked to admit, and Peter, who cared about all of you more than he liked to admit. You loved Kurt, who was kind to everyone, expecting coldness in return, and Jubilee, who was always ready to have fun. You even loved your older friends, like Raven and Hank, who were so much fun to hang out with, each in their separate ways. And you loved Charles, who gave you this amazing opportunity to be a part of something.

But you hated your powers.

You knew you were supposed to accept your gifts, and learn how to embrace them, but you couldn’t help but wish they didn’t exist. While you got to go to classes with the bold and brave X-Men, you knew you could never be one yourself.

It wasn’t that you were jealous; you knew all of the hardships your friends had gone through in the development of their gifts. You didn’t even feel left out; that they were a part of something you weren’t. In all honesty, you felt completely and utterly useless, and every time they went on a mission, all you could do was lie in bed, filled with worry and guilt, guilt that you couldn’t do anything to help them.

“C’mon, y/n,” Jean pleaded. “Try it with us. Just this once.”

You shook your head. “It’s alright. Don’t worry about me. Go, finish your training. I’d only get in your way.”

Jean sighed, knowing already that you wouldn’t give in. Kurt wasn’t so observant.

“I’ll teleport you on top of the enemies, and then you can make them fall asleep,” he said, a hopeful grin on his face. You smiled lightly, appreciative of his attempts to help.

“It’s alright, Kurt. Thanks anyway.” You forced a big smile, and the rest of the group left reluctantly. Kurt’s grin turned into a frown.

“We’ll see you at dinner?”

“See you at dinner.”

It went like this every time the team did their simulation practices. But no matter how many times they nagged you to join them, you knew that while Scott could fire lasers from his eyes, and Jean could control things with her mind, you had much less useful abilities in combat.

Most people that heard you were an empath were immediately intrigued. It sounded really cool, in theory. You could read emotions, and even control them, pretty well, after years of training. But in order to use your ability, you needed physical contact, and enough time to work your “magic”. In a fight, these were two things that were hard to come by. Even if you managed to get your hands on someone, you doubted being able to make someone sad or angry would do you much good.

You began to wander the halls, trying to put off doing your homework as long as you could. You found yourself heading towards the library, one of your favorite places in the entire mansion. It was easy to forget the world while reading. It was just the distraction you needed.

No one ever used the library and its vast collection of novels, journals, encyclopedias and more. And so when you entered the library, you were not surprised to find your favorite seat, the one in the corner by the glass window, empty.

You had just sat down, pulling your book from your back, when you heard some commotion from around the corner of one of the many shelves. You jumped to your feet, setting your stuff down as you followed the noise. When you turned the corner, you let out a laugh as you found your friend, Hank, doubled over a pile of books, scattered across the floor.

“Here, let me help you,” you send, kneeling down to help gather his stack.

“Thanks,” Hank said quietly, getting flustered as he scrambled to get his books together.

“This is a lot of books,” you commented, picking one up. “What’s this for?”

“N-nothing. Just some research I’m doing.” Hank grabbed the book from your hands quickly, but not before you got a glance at its title. Empathy, it read.

You laughed. “I know a bit about that.” But Hank wasn’t smiling. He was avoiding your gaze. “Is there something wrong, Hank?” He usually was more than excited to share his research with the rest of the mutants. But he was silent as you questioned him. Grabbing some of the other books from his hands, you saw the rest of the titles. There was a variety in the selection, but they all shared one common term: empathy. “Wait, what’s going on?”

Hank continued to look at the ground.

“Hank!”

He sighed. “I heard some of the younger mutants saying you don’t participate in the training sessions. I’ve been working with making your power more useful in battle.”

You blinked in surprise. You hadn’t expected that. “That’s...that’s very nice, Hank, but you don’t have to do that for me, really. I’m fine without being one of the X-Men.”

“No!” Hank said, shaking his head. His face had lit up, as it often did when discussing his research. “It started out like that, yes, but I find your powers fascinating, y/n.”

“You...you do?”

“Of course! I think I’m working towards a way in which we can make your powers reach further distances than your touch.”

Unable to control your interest, you asked, “Really? That’s possible?”

Hank bit his lip. “I’m not sure yet, but I’m working on it. I’m pretty sure your powers deal with a chemical transfer, and if I can replicate that transfer outside of you, I think I might be able to harness it.”

You didn’t want to make Hank go out of his way to help you, but you couldn’t help but get excited at his idea. What if you could help them? What if the next time the X-Men go on a mission, you didn’t have to lie awake in bed, out of your mind with worry? What if you could be with them, fighting alongside them? What if your powers could be useful?

“Would you like to see what I’ve done so far?” Hank asked, his books finally collected into one pile that nearly reached his nose. “Maybe you could help me.”

You smiled slightly, a little hesitant but mostly intrigued by his idea. “You’re going to need help carrying all these books back to the lab. Let me grab my bag real quick first,” you told Hank, hopping to your feet to collect your things. You threw all your books in your bag quickly and returned to find Hank attempting to carry all the books himself. He looked on the verge of toppling over once more, the books tilting at a concerning angle. “Hank!”

“Sorry,” Hank muttered as the top two books of his stack fell to his feet.

“I told you I’d help you with these!” You grinned at his flustered face as he struggled to keep a grip on the remaining books. You picked up the two books from the ground, and grabbed the top half of his stack.

“You really didn’t have to,” Hank said as you’d begun walking back towards the library’s exit.

“You really didn’t have to come up with a way for me to be a part of the X-Men,” you said without looking at him.

“I’m really interested in your power, y/n, honest.” Hank said, readjusting his stack so he could push up his glasses. “And it’s sort of my job. I use my technology in the lab to help out the X-Men, and your abilities could be useful to them, I’m just working out how.”

“Well thank you anyway,” you said, smiling. “I’ve always wanted to be one of the X-Men.”

Hank looked at you, angling his head to the side. “Can I ask why? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I would feel lost without the X-Men. But the X-Men came before X-Mansion for me, and it was my only option to be around people like myself. With you, you can go to school here, and be around other mutants, without the constant danger of having to fight for your life.”

You let the question hang there for awhile, the only sound the quiet tap of your feet on the wood floors. You knew he was right, you could have everything without the danger your friends went through every time they had a mission. “I know,” you said finally, and tried to ignore Hank’s heavy gaze.

“I didn’t mean to judge,” he said, looking apologetic as he straightened his stack of books. “I don’t think it’s a bad thing, not necessarily.”

“No,” you interrupted. “You’re right. It’s just...yes, I am safe, and I do have lots of friends that are just like me. But all of those friends, they aren’t safe like I am.”

“And you wish you could help them?” Hank asked. You nodded.

“I feel so useless, every time they go away.”

Hank nodded understandingly. “I used to feel that way, before I learned to control my powers. But Charles helped me, and maybe I can do the same for you.”

You had reached the entrance to Hank’s lab, and the door opened, the boy stepping aside for you to enter first.

“So I’ve been researching a lot about how your powers work.” Hank made his way over to a metal table in the middle of the room, setting his books down as he took a seat, pulling out a beat up notebook. “That’s what these books are for,” he said, smiling sheepishly. You sat down beside him, adding your stack to his.

Hank flipped through his notebook as you looked around. Each time you came to the lab, it looked different than before. Besides the library, Hank’s lab was one of you favorite locations inside the mansion. Hank was always coming up with amazing ideas that you had no idea how he managed to get working.

“I’ve been working on this device,” Hank said, referring to a drawing in his notebook. It was a gun, or looked like one, that fired discs the size of walnuts. “It should be able to channel the chemical reaction you create with your mutation into these discs, that will imbed themselves into an enemy. As long as you’re using your powers, you should be able to make long-distance adjustments to someone’s mood or behavior.”

“I can change their emotions without touching them,” you translated. Hank nodded.

“Exactly.”

“So how can I help?”

pt. 2

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365daysofmchart · 6 years ago

Note

Do a headcanon about Diane and Kurt babysitting Joseph Quinn-Morello

Thanks, Anon! This was such a sweet one to imagine–I so hope to see this to some extent on the show! My 2,500+ word response (oops…?) can be found under the "Keep reading”!

1. The first time Kurt and Diane babysit Joseph Quinn-Morello, it just sort of falls into place. A case calls everyone in at 8:30PM on a Thursday. Diane and Kurt, having been out to dinner, come in together, Kurt hanging around while the firm assesses the situation and Diane decides just how needed she is while also staying on call for ballistics. With Colin in D.C., the nanny out of town, and both Maia and Marissa being called in as well (and the baby’s local grandmother being an absolute last resort), Lucca packs up the diaper bag, tucks Joseph into his carseat, and brings him along with her as she heads for the office.Liz has gone straight to the crime scene to meet her husband and Jay and Marissa follow shortly after. Once given all the facts of the situation, Adrien is set to go to the police station with Maia and that leaves Diane free, though still on call. And then their’s Lucca. All of the partners feel it is important to support their associates, particularly in situations such as these—they understand the circumstances and are willing to make any necessary adjustments. She signed this client and is the one who has a developed relationship with him, but the partners are clear that she is free to be where she needs to be, without penalty, and they’ll reorganize in the morning. But it’s evident in the young woman’s features that she’s desperate to be involved now, from the start.As Lucca and Diane are the only two from the firm that remain in Diane’s office while Maia and Adrian prepare themselves to leave, there is an obvious solution. But while Diane is willing to watch the infant, she wonders how his mother would feel about leaving him in her relatively inexperienced care. And though Lucca longs to be a part of this case and would be grateful to leave her son for an hour or two with a woman whom she trusts implicitly, no matter any level of experience she does or does not have with babies, making such a proposition to her boss is not something she is about to do.If Diane is not entirely sure of the former of the other woman’s thoughts, she does at least understand the latter—Lucca will not ask. Ask so, after but a moment more of hesitation, she offers… but tentatively so, not wanting the other woman to feel at all obligated or even pressured. “Lucca, I’m sure they’ll manage—you’re more than welcome to keep in touch from here or home. But, if you’d like, I can always… watch him for you? If it’s something you’d feel comfortable with…”From his chair over in the corner, having been reading the paper, Kurt’s head shoots up.Meanwhile Lucca, too, seems to be taken a bit by surprise. But not unpleasantly so. “I… are you sure?” Diane nods. “I am.”There’s still something within Lucca holding her back, contemplating if she can allow herself to take her superior up on such an offer. But then she remembers something—Diane Lockhart does not say anything she does not mean. Her offer, she knows, is genuine (whether it is personally or professionally driven, she does not know for sure, but perhaps that is irrelevant). She nods herself then. “Okay, yes—that would be great, thank you.”The two exchange smiles briefly until Adrian and Maia poke their heads in, declaring, “We’re heading out.”“Wait!” Lucca exclaims. “I’m coming too—Diane offered to watch Joseph. I, umm, I just…” and then a mild bout of panic sets in thinking of how tight on time they are yet all there suddenly is to prepare and inform of before she leaves. “I just need to grab a few things from my office quickly.” She turns to her son in his little seat momentarily, considering, then shakes her head and moves for the door. She does not need to bring him downstairs with her, not when she’s leaving him here, with Diane, anyway. “I’ll just be a minute!” she calls out over her shoulder as she darts for the stairs. “I’ll go help her,” Maia excuses herself, too.Adrian then studies Diane for a moment with a little glint in his eye, but the remark she expects to come from him does not and he instead tells her her that he’s going to retrieve his car and asks that she have the two younger women meet him at the front of the building. “Good luck,” he says as he leaves.Finally, for the first time in the past whirl-wind two minutes, Diane looks to her husband.“So, we’re babysitting this evening?” He seems more amused than annoyed, but still, she clarifies. “I am. You’re welcome to help, but you don’t have to.”“Nah,” he shrugs, lips curled. “Sounds fun.”When Lucca and Maia return, armloads of baby gear in tow, Lucca has started rattling off information and instruction before she’s even in the door. She makes it through a reasonably lengthy spiel when she pauses, a little flushed, and places a hand to her temple—what else?Maia takes the moment to step in and assuage any doubt that her friend may have. “The precinct has service—if either of you thinks of anything else, you’ll be in touch. And I promise,” she says, placing a hand over her heart while glancing over to her godmother, “I can personally attest to the fact that Diane is babysitter extraordinaire!”They all let out a little laugh at that. And while Diane may feel a little flustered herself, she keeps it held within for the other woman’s benefit. “I will be in touch if need be,” she confirms. “And there’s always Chumhum.”Lucca laughs again and nods. “Yes, Chumhum has certainly been my friend over the last couple of months.” She let’s out a little sigh, looking at her boy. “Okay. I should go.” She lifts her son out of his seat and holds him close, placing a kiss to his head before handing him off to her boss, who takes him decidedly without hesitation. The baby fusses momentarily in the shifting but soon settles in the older woman’s arms. “There,” she smiles, settling a little internally herself.With that, Lucca seems satisfied. Almost. “If you can’t reach me-”“I’ll try Maia or Adrian or even the precinct itself,” she finishes.“Okay. Well…” She reaches out and touches a finger to a tiny fist. “Alright, little man, I’ll see you later. I love you!” And then, to Diane, “Thanks so much, again, Diane.”“I’m happy to do it.”Before she has a chance to change her mind, Maia gently takes her friend’s arm. “Adrian’s waiting for us.”“I’m ready,” she nods. And she is. “I’ll be in touch.”“We’ll be here.”With a final smile the pair sets out. Once Mom is down the hall and has turned the corner, Diane looks between both males in the room—her husband in the corner then to the baby in her arms. “Oh dear,” she says softly. “What have we gotten ourselves into?”***They do use Chumhum. Repeatedly, in fact—how to operate the bottle warmer, to what extent they should burp him, how to assemble the pack-n-play… But they muddle through and little Joseph seems to be remarkably content in their capable if unsure hands.When it’s time for a diaper change she goads Kurt into doing it. And while he grumbles, he truly doesn’t mind all that much… until she stands over his shoulder the entire time, critiquing and directing—he’s being too rough, he missed a spot, the fastenings are crooked. She does the next one herself.And all through the evening, as they they work together to care for this little being, they feel their bond further strengthening and they feel their love for each other further growing as they watch the other interacting with the infant. But if any “what if” thoughts come to mind, they are not spoken.

2. The second time happens similarly to the first—a situation of circumstance. Lucca is still a little hesitant over the idea of a name partner being charged with babysitting her kid and informs the woman that her nanny can be there within an hour. Diane shrugs, “It’s your call, but really, I don’t mind at all.”At the end of the day when Lucca arrives back at the office to collect her child and sees her boss beaming as she coos at the baby in her arms and that her husband has joined them and looks equally delighted… it finally occurs to her that perhaps this isn’t a chore for the other woman, and that maybe it’s something she rather enjoys.***“Hey,” she greets her husband over the phone. “I am going to be here a bit longer, I’m afraid—doing some research and developing strategy while the others are out at the scene and the station.”“That’s okay,” he tells her nonchalantly before she can say anything else… though she can hear a touch of disappointment in his voice. They had been planning to spend the day together, and though nothing they intended to do was spectacular in any way—running a couple of errands together and lunch on the waterfront—they had been looking forward to it.“I’ve actually got Joseph here with me though-“Caught off guard he needs to clarify, briefly interrupting her to question,“Lucca’s kid?”“Yes. …Anyway, it’s just the two of us here and, again, I’m doing some work but nothing too pressing and was wondering if you’d like to join us—bring some work of your own or that godforsaken book you’ve been reading,” she teases, referring his Gorsuch bio.A smile spreads across his face, both from her gentle mockery as well as—and in larger part—the idea of spending a casual Saturday with his wife after all and with the addition of the little guy and at the image of her holding him in her arms once again.“Yeah, that sounds nice.”

3. The next time a similar situation arrises it’s not really discussed but, rather, almost understood.***Kurt usually plays a more passive role when they watch Joseph—he’ll hold him for a moment or two, watch him while Diane takes a call, change his diaper that one time, but mostly he’s there for company while his wife tends to play the more active one in caring for the boy as she was the one to volunteer to do so and she is the one that has a relationship with his mother.But tonight his wife is tired—exhausted, actually. It’s been a long week, she’d hardly slept the night before, and while he knows she doesn’t mind caring for Joseph as she’d be up and on call anyway, it’s apparent that she doesn’t have the energy to bring to it that she usually does. So he takes the lead this time doing the work and let’s her simply relax and enjoy and she is most grateful.An hour in, as Diane sleepily takes in the most glorious sight of Kurt on the other end of the sofa, cradling the little one as he feeds him his bottle, a calm comes over her—the stress of the week and of the night all melting away in an instant.

4. When Lucca has plans to go out with Marissa and Maia and the babysitter calls to cancel last-minute, she is admittedly disappointed. She loves her son more than anything in the world, and she loves being his mother… but it is exhausting—mentally, physically, and emotionally—and that paired with a demanding career had left her so looking forward to (and in need of) a night out with her friends. She leans back in the sofa cushions, thinking over her options, when an idea forms. She sits up then. It’s an idea that requires mulling over—she could be crossing a line. But then she thinks further on it, thinks of how her son has seemed to snuggle his way right on into a certain woman’s heart—and her husband’s too, as far as she can tell—and, after only a moment’s more hesitation, pulls out her phone and dials.“Diane, hi… is there any chance that you’re free tonight?”***It’s not the first time they’ve done this, but it’s the first time they’ve done it in a home setting. They sit next to him on the floor in the living room while he wriggles and giggles on his playmat, she bounces him on her hip in the kitchen (and goodness is he getting big) as Kurt prepares his food, they settle him into his crib in his sweet little nursery when he falls asleep in Kurt’s arms. It’s all so entirely domestic, and while perhaps this should be prompting wistfulness for the two and their missed opportunities—and likely would have a couple of years prior—it doesn’t. When Diane muses about such later, as the two are curled up on the sofa and watching the little one snooze over the monitor, Kurt agrees. The truth is, having nearly lost it all, they’ve never felt as sure in what their relationship is and what they have (faults and all) as they do now. …And they’ve never been so focused on embracing the present and the moments that are real, like this very night.

5. Aside from her nanny, Lucca doesn’t have a “go-to-babysitter.” To start with, there are few instances unrelated to work when one is needed—she does her best to plan baby-free outings for when her son is scheduled to be with his father. Further, she doesn’t like to put the “burden” entirely on any one person. But, she does have a rotation of sorts of preferred babysitters, and eight months into Joseph Quinn-Morellos’s life, Diane Lockhart and Kurt McVeigh are secure fixtures within that rotation.***Though she never had any of her own, Diane has always enjoyed having children in her life—her goddaughter as well as the children of a her cousins and a few other close friends. Likewise, Kurt always took pride and great pleasure in being Uncle Kurt. Now, Kurt and Diane play somewhat of a role in the lives of his niece’s and nephew’s children, but they’re all so far away and it’s difficult to be a regular fixture. And while Diane has always somewhat expected (and looked forward to the prospect) to play some sort of a role in the lives of Maia’s children, should she choose to have any, she knows that that time is still a few years off, at least.And so, while Joseph Quinn-Morello coming into their life—and them into his—was not at all expected, both can say for certain that it was an entirely pleasant surprise. They can also say for certain that their life is a little brighter because of it. And as Joseph grows, he does so with a particular fondness in his heart for his Aunt Diane and Uncle Kurt.

#McHart #Babysitters Extraordinaire #Lucca Quinn #Joseph Quinn-Morello #5 Headcanons

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leigh-kelly · 6 years ago

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Only You Beneath the Moon and the Sun

Some new Fire Island AU.

A sadness still hangs over Brittany in the weeks following her father’s funeral and you try your hardest to make her smile. She’s quiet, mostly, but sometimes when you’re lying side by side in bed at night or walking hand in hand on the beach, you can get her to laugh. You want nothing more than for her to not feel pain but there’s little you can do besides just being at her side through all of the emotions that she feels.

Cleaning out Captain Pierce’s house is difficult. It’s full of things not only of his, but of Brittany’s mother and brother. She only wants to keep a few mementos of them, Willy’s flag to be kept beside her father’s, all of the photos she finds, quilts made by her mother, so you help her box everything else up to be donated and you scrubs the walls and floors, wanting to leave the place in good shape for when she’s ready to rent it out. The biggest thing she keeps is her mother’s writing desk and she gets David and Michael to help her carry it back to your house. It looks beautiful in your sitting room and when you see how having it makes her smile, you squeeze her hand and tell her it looks wonderful.

The house just down the beach from you is almost done and one Sunday afternoon when you’re out walking on the beach with Brittany, you see a young blonde man outside. A look passes between you and Brittany and you decide to introduce yourselves to who you presume is your new neighbor. When he sees you approaching, he lifts his hat and gives a wave. You curl your toes in the sand and you walk up toward the nearly finished house, smiling at the man who stands shading his eyes from the sun.

“Hey there!” He grins. “Nice seeing someone out on the beach, I’ve been doing the finishing touches on my house for the past few days and haven’t seen anyone.”

“We live just down the beach.” Brittany points in the direction on your house. “Ya new around here?”

“Sure am.” He extends his hand to shake hers, and then offers it to you as well. “I’m Sam, Sam Evans. I’m building this place for my wife Mercy and me.”

“Brittany Pierce, and this is Santana Lopez. What brings ya out this way?”

“I’m a boat builder. We live in Manhattan now, but an opportunity brought me out this way, and I’d rather get out of the wharf. Plus, Mercy and I’d like a little privacy. We’ve got a baby coming any week now, and there’s a lot of people who aren’t too keen on that.”

“Oh?” You purse your lips and look at Brittany.

“Mercy’s colored. Folks are still old fashioned and don’t think the two of us should be married. Adding a baby to the mix only adds fuel to their fire. Seeing the two of you walking together gives me hope that it’ll be different for us out here.”

“Most people here mind their own business.” Brittany tells him. “So long as ya don’t hurt anyone, ya won’t be bothered.”

“Mercy’ll be glad to hear that.”

“I’m from Manhattan as well.” You say softly “I’ve been here for two years now and I’ve come to love the kindness of the people here.”

“You two sure seen nice. Mercy’ll be happy to have some gals she can talk to. Leaving behind her mama and her friends when she’s this far along in her pregnancy isn’t making her the happiest.”

“I’m a teacher, so I’m mostly at home during the summer. She can feel free to call on me as she likes.”

“I’ll tell her that, Miss Lopez.” He lifts his hat again. “I ought to get back to work, there are only so many hours of daylight, but it sure was nice meeting you and I’ll see you around once I get Mercy all moved in here.”

“If ya need any help, I’m happy to give it. I built our place and I’ve got friends that’ll help haul your furniture out.”

“I appreciate that, Miss Pierce—“

“Nobody around here’ll call me Miss Pierce, I’m just Brittany.”

“Alright then, Brittany. If I need any help, I’ll be sure to ask you for it.”

After you say goodbye to Sam, you and Brittany walk back home. She’d gotten up early in the morning and gone out clamming, so you scrub the clams in the sink and set about making a sauce to cook them in. You never had the fresh shellfish available to you in the city and you’re still getting used to cooking it, but you manage to adapt some of your mother’s recipes and this afternoon is no different. Brittany cuts an onion for you and you get the pot on the stove, getting it to simmer while the clams rest in the sink.

“I’m interested to meet Sam Evans’ wife.” Brittany looks over your shoulder as you stir the pot and you turn to give her a soft peck on the lips. “Perhaps it won’t be so bad havin’ them as neighbors.”

“Hearing the privacy is important to them, I feel a little better about it.”

“Maybe ya can get on well with his wife too. ‘Specially if she was raised real proper like you and enjoys books, seems like sometimes ya really only have Art to talk to, with Kurt on the other side of the island.��

“I have you also.”

“Course ya have me, but it’d be nice for ya to have another friend who shares your interests.”

“It’s true, it would be. Though, if she has a baby on the way, her time might be taken up with that.”

“I don’t think so, lotsa people have babies and still have time to make friends. I bet she’d like to have a neighbor she could talk to. Ya know lots about babies, ya could help her.”

“We’ll see how it is when she comes. I suppose their love isn’t welcomed in society, much like ours isn’t, and I feel bad for them trying to have a baby together.”

“They’ll be welcomed here, people aren’t so worried about what people do that different from what society seems proper. It’s probably a good choice Sam Evans made comin’ here.”

“Do you think they’d welcome us so much if they knew?” You ask quietly, lowering the flame on the stove.

“I think people assume already. Ya know they know the kinda things that go on in Cherry Grove. They know there are women who love women and men who love men, but they’d never say it aloud.”

“Hmm.” You hum, unsure of what to say to that. “I suppose that’s for the best.”

“Sometimes quiet is.”

The next few days are quiet in your home and while Brittany is at work, you begin thinking about your lessons for the new school year. You have just a few short months before the weather turns cold and you think of ways you can engage your pupils outside again, seeing how well it worked in the spring. You take notes at your desk and you tuck them away, thinking you’ll need them in a few short weeks when you go back. You’re excited for it, truly, having the long days with little to do have made you itch for the school days. Though your grandmother always said that idle hands are the devil’s playground, you find yourself more bored than devilish and when you’re through for the morning, you decide to go for a walk on the beach.

You walk toward the new house and you’re surprised when you see a heavily pregnant colored woman standing with her feet in the ocean. You hadn’t expected that Sam Evans and his wife would move in so quickly, but seeing this woman, you’re certain they have. Not wanting to startle her, you approach her slowly and when you’re close enough, you softly call out a hello.

“Hey there.” She turns and smiles. “You must be one of the neighbors that Sam told me about.”

“I am, I’m Santana Lopez and it’s so nice to finally meet you.”

“Mercy Evans.” She extends her hand and you take it. “It’s nice to meet you as well.”

“What do you think of it here so far? I’m from the city too, so I know it can take a little adjusting.”

“To be honest, what I’m most concerned about these days is how difficult it’ll be to make my way to a doctor. I wanted to wait until I had the baby to come on out here, but Sam’s job wouldn’t wait and I didn’t want to send him alone.”

“I can see why that would be scary.” You think of Brittany’s mother and you try not to shutter. “I know I’m not a doctor, but I’m just a short walk down the beach. I helped my mother deliver my youngest sister, so if you’re alone and can’t get to one in time, I’m sure I could help you the best I can.”

“That’s really kind of you. Sam said the people around these parts were much kinder than the ones in the city.”

“I suppose it must have been difficult for you there, with all of the ignorance that runs rampant in this world.”

“I never meant to fall in love with a white man, but then there was Sam and I just couldn’t help myself.”

“It’s difficult to control who you fall in love with.” You smile tightly, thinking of your own circumstances. “But love is a wonderful thing.”

“I think if I can show my baby that, I’ll have done right by them.” She smiles. “I’ll let you get on with your walk, I ought to go into the house and work on unpacking our things anyway.”

“If there’s anything you need, feel free to knock on our door. We’re used to being quite alone out here, so I know it’s a bit frightening. Perhaps if you’d like, we can have you and your husband over for dinner.”

“We’d like that a lot, thank you.” She nods gratefully. “It’s been nice meeting you, Santana.”

“You as well, Mercy.”

You continue your walk, smiling to yourself that Mercy was so kind. Brittany will be glad for it, you think, and you look forward to her coming home so you can tell her. You think that while you’re out, out ought to continue down to the market and pick up a few things, so you do, glad that you brought your shoes with you, though the owner often doesn’t frown at people who walk in without them. Perhaps you’ll be in there long enough that the Alcott will come in and you’ll be able to walk home with Brittany. You feel a bit needy after the long lonely days of summer, but Brittany never makes you feel as if you’re foolish in your excitement for her coming home.

In the market, you choose some vegetables, thinking how much you hate to cook in the scorching heat of the house in August. You look at the meat but nothing seems appealing to you and you wonder if perhaps Brittany would like to go down to the bay and pull up her crab pot. It’d be nice, you think, to cook outside in her big pot, and if she brings in crabs, she’s likely to do as much. So you settle for potatoes and onions, thinking you can make a nice cool potato salad to go with them and you fan yourself as you check out, wishing you’d chosen a cooler dress than the one you have on.

It’s not quite time for the Alcott to come in, but you decide to sit in the shade waiting for it. You watch the people pass on the dock and you think about what Brittany said a few days earlier about people assuming about you. You wonder what they think as they pass by, but you try not to dwell too deeply on it, considering that they all smile and wave at you, having grown comfortable in your presence. When the Alcott finally comes in, you stand and smile, watching Brittany take notice of you long before she disembarks from the boat.

“I didn’t know ya were comin’ down today.” She grins. “Ain’t market day yet.”

“I thought I’d look for something simple to cook for dinner.” You tell her. “It was awfully hot in the house and I just wanted to get some fresh air.”

“What did ya decide on makin’?”

“Well, I was hoping perhaps you’d like to go out and check on your crab pot, if you’re not awfully tired. I could make a potato salad and we could sit and eat out on the porch.”

“It is somethin’ fierce in that house, isn’t it? This August heat’s really gettin’ to me and the fans aren’t doin’ all that much to cool things down. I think it’d be nice to do that, ya haven’t come out with me in awhile.”

“Do you think David would mind if we borrowed his dinghy for a bit?”

“Hey Davey!” She shouted. “I’m gonna go check my crab pot this afternoon, ‘s it alright if I borrow your boat?”

“Go on ahead, Cap.” He grinned, tipping his hat to you. “I’m not usin’ it.”

“Well that’s settled then. Do ya say we go out now, that way we don’t walk home and back?”

“I could take the cool breeze on the boat right about now. I’m simply scorching in this dress.”

Brittany insists upon taking the small bag from you and together you walk over to where David docks his boat. She helps you aboard and she unties the lines, starting up the small motor. You savor the breeze on your face as you watch her navigate the bay and you wish that you could sit out like this all day. Even on the ocean, the air has been stagnant and despite how brutal the last winter was, you find yourself wishing for the coolness of fall to settle in. Brittany says the almanac calls for an Indian Summer and you’re certain that the days of heat won’t come to an end very soon, so you lean back a little against the bow of the boat and you take in as much of the breeze as you can.

“Looks like we’ve got a whole mess of ‘em.” She tells you when she pulls up the metal trap that lays beneath the back. “Sure is more than enough for the two of us to eat.”

“I’ve seen you eat them, Brittany, I’m not sure it’s possible to ever have too many.”

“Ain’t that the truth?” She grins, dumping them into the bucket and setting the trap back down.

“I met Sam Evans’ wife today.” You say once you’re moving again. “We had a nice conversation on the beach.”

“How’s she likin’ it here?”

“She’s getting used to it, as I did. She’s a bit nervous about the baby coming, it seems.”

“Is she awful far along?”

“Looks like she could go any day now. I told her we’d like to have them for dinner soon.”

“That’d be nice, maybe make some hamburgers and have them sit outside too. I’d hate to have ‘em sweat in our house.”

“I’m sure they’re feeling cooler here than they were in the city, though Mercy looked as if she were about to swim in the ocean today.”

“That’d be nice to do tonight, if ya feel up for it. Heck, if I had my swimsuit, I’d jump in the bay right now.”

“That ought to cool me down a little, after dinner I’d like to go for a little swim.”

Brittany hauls the bucket of crabs back to your house while you carry the small bag from the grocery store. She starts preparing outside while you go inside and make the potato salad. You know just how she likes it, so you’re careful to balance the salt and pepper. When you come out with the bowl of salad and the dishes she tells you the crabs are just about ready and you smile, kissing her behind her ear. You watch as her face flushes a little, just as it always does when you kiss her there, and you lay out old newspapers on the table to make the cleanup of the crabs just a little bit easier.

“Do ya think your mama’ll send the girls out again before the summer ends? I sure would like to see ‘em. I’ve been thinkin’ about it since Pop died, how nothin’ cheers me up quite like a bunch of Lopez girls. I got one here that does me real good, but...”

“I’ll talk to my mother.” You laugh, carefully picking one of the crabs she dumped on the table so as not to burn yourself. “I think she might be open to sending them, perhaps for a bit longer this time. Though I know she’s wishing I’d be able to come see her in the city.”

“If ya want, ya should go, I’m sure ya miss her somethin’ fierce right now.”

“I don’t want to leave you just yet, Brittany, and I know you can’t take the time away from the Alcott at this time of year.”

“I’d be just fine if ya went, I don’t want ya to stay on my account.”

“I don’t like being away from you much.” You shake your head, though perhaps if she wasn’t grieving, you might consider it. “Perhaps during striped bass season, if I feel the pull to go, I will. But for now I’ll settle on phone calls and letters.”

“I do know ya are in need of more books though, that seems awful important.”

“Perhaps I’ll take a day trip to the mainland. I need some new stockings for when the school year begins, and perhaps some other clothing. While I’m there, I’ll find my way to the bookstore.”

“I hope ya pick out somethin’ real nice that ya can read to me. It’s all that’s been puttin’ my mind at ease at night.”

“I’ll go before we finish Emma.” You promise, pulling the meat from inside the crab shell and watching as she breaks the legs.

“I don’t think I’m ready to ride the ferry without Pop as the captain.” She tells you. “Wouldn’t feel right to me, or else I’d offer to go with ya.”

“Take your time before you do that, you’ll have to ride it all winter, so there’s no use in rushing.”

“It’s foolish of me to feel that way, but I can’t help it.”

“There’s nothing foolish about you. When my aunt died, there were certain foods that my mother couldn’t cook lest she think of her. I believe it’s natural to want to avoid things that feel painful.”

“Ya sure are good at makin’ me feel better.”

Just as you’d expected, Brittany manages to eat enough crabs to finish them off and while she clears off the table, you cover the leftover potato salad with foil and wash the dishes. She finds you in the bedroom changing into your swimsuit and smiles at your naked form. You haven’t been intimate since before you went to stay with her father, but the way she looks at you makes you feel warm all over. She doesn’t take her eyes off of you as she changes and you feel a bit sheepish, unsure how to respond to that.

You walk down to the beach together and the sun is low in the sky. It’s dangerous to swim after dark, even when the moon is bright, but you still have some time before darkness falls and you step into the cool ocean, grateful for the reprieve from the heat of the day and evening. Brittany submerges herself before you do and you watch how she floats on her back, letting the waves carry her. She always seems at peace in the water and she’s gone swimming a lot since her father passed away. But you don’t think that tonight is about sadness for her, you think tonight she’s truly just in the water to cool off and that’s affirmed by the playful way she splashes you when it takes too long for you to swim.

Though the sun sinks slowly, before you know it, it’s too dark to swim any longer and you find your way to the shore. Brittany hands you a towel and you dry off, letting your hair drip into the sand. The two of you sit down on the beach for a long while, just silently feeling the cool breeze off of the ocean and watching the moon rise. It’s easy with Brittany, the way you don’t have to say anything, and you hold her hand in the sand, watching the way your fingers lace together and everything seems to fit.

“I wish I could sleep on the beach sometimes.” She tells you. “I feel free of all my burdens here.”

“It’s a peaceful place.” You agree. “Though I don’t think I’d ever become accustomed to sleeping anywhere but in a bed.”

“My bed does feel better with ya in it, that’s for sure.”

“I never imagined how much peace sharing a bed with someone would bring me.”

“I’m sorry I haven’t been...intimate with ya.” Brittany whispers and you squeeze her hand tighter. ��I love to bring ya pleasure, I just haven’t much been in the mood.”

“I understand that, Brittany. I’m not rushing you to do anything you’re not comfortable with.”

“I just wanna heal my heart a little. I’m gettin’ there, havin’ ya take care of me, but at night I still feel the saddest.”

“Oh, how I wish I could gather you up and take away your sorrow. I think of how I used to rock Mariana when she’d cry and my voice would soothe her. If I could do that for you, I would.”

“I know ya would and it makes me love ya more. I’m gonna do somethin’ real special for ya soon, just wait and see.”

“There’s nothing special you need to do for me. You being here on this earth is all that I need.”

“I’d still like to do it, if that’s alright with ya.”

“It is, whatever you’d like.”

#brittana #1940s Fire Island #starlight!verse #Fire Island AU

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notarelationship · 7 years ago

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Along For the Rides Ch 7

Blaine and Kurt get their summer romance on. Mostly fluff, awkward flirting, a side of misunderstanding and some hanky panky.

Rating: Still T, this chapter. M eventually Words: This chapter ~ 4400

Warnings this chapter: none

Yes we're back!

After an upside down March and a busier than normal April, I finally carved out the time to finish this. It turns out all I had to do was stop trying to cram everything into two chapters. Hopefully this is good news for everyone reading! I'm hopeful that the remaining chapters will every couple of days, and I'm not sure right now if there will be three or four additional. We'll have to see what they boys want to do.

Thanks as ever to @honeysucklepink for the beta, but I did make some significant changes after hear read through, and of course all mistakes are mine.

Tumblr link to the whole story here

AO3 Link here

When Kurt pulls into the employee parking area Friday morning, Blaine is waiting for him, looking sleepy and sitting on the grass on the other side of the parking barrier. Blaine perks up and waves when Kurt comes to a stop.

“Hi,” Blaine says, pulling the passenger door open and sliding into the seat next to Kurt. Kurt tries not to laugh when Blaine leans over the center console, lips puckered and blinking exaggeratedly. He can’t resist for long though, and leans in for a quick kiss. He feels like it shouldn’t make him blush to do it, but it does.

“How long were you waiting there?” Kurt asks. He’s unpacking the coffees he picked up for them on the way there, along with what he hopes is a surprise Blaine likes. He isn’t really sure what Blaine likes. When Blaine pops the lid off of his cup and inhales the coffee scent and steam, Kurt at least knows Blaine likes coffee.

“I don’t know, maybe half an hour,” Blaine tells him. He draws a long swallow from the cup. “Might have been longer.”

“Blaine, you didn’t have to do that.” Blaine looks puzzled. “Wait for me, I mean. I could meet you in the employee tent when I get here.”

“I wanted to.” Kurt hands him the bag of pastries and gets a thank you smile in return. “Blueberry muffin?” Blaine asks.

Kurt nods. “I picked up a couple of extra things, in case you were in the mood for something else.”

“Biscotti? I love biscotti,” Blaine smiles into the bag and then at Kurt again. Kurt doesn’t know what to do with the attention from this boy, who likes biscotti and smiles at him so easily like it’s nothing.

“It’s got chocolate,” Kurt says. Because it’s all he can manage.

“I love chocolate,” Blaine says, still smiling into the bag.. “But I’m going to save it for later. I was thinking though,” Blaine starts, taking the muffin out of the bag and biting off a chunk. He takes a minute to chew and swallow before he continues, and Kurt has seen enough boys eat in the cafeteria at school to appreciate that about Blaine too. “If we exchanged phone numbers, then you, uh, you could text me when you were on your way here. If you’re worried about me waiting outside, I mean.”

Kurt blinks, staring at Blaine. Blaine is biting his bottom lip, looking like he’s afraid Kurt might say no, and Kurt thinks it might possibly be the cutest thing he’s ever seen. And also the craziest, because no boy has ever asked him for his phone number before. Kurt lets the thrill of it travel up his spine before he tucks it away, knowing it can’t really be anything. That it won’t be anything real. But Blaine makes him feel like it’s something real, or that it could be, and Kurt doesn’t know what to do.

“You want my phone number?” He hears his voice climb even higher than usual and curses how utterly not smooth he is about anything.

Blaine nods, just a fraction. “Only if you want to give it to me, I mean -” Blaine turns and looks out the car’s front windshield.

That’s when Kurt realizes he’s leaving Blaine hanging, and that’s probably not cool. “Oh! Yeah! Yes,” He says, probably too loud in the tiny car. “I want to. Give you my number.”

“Yeah?” Blaine’s wide eyed look is still questioning, and Kurt nods, hoping the grin on his face isn’t obviously of the shit-eating kind. Blaine sets down his coffee and wriggles his hips up far enough that he can reach into the pocket of his jeans and pull out his phone. Kurt takes it and thumbs in his number. “Awesome.”

Blaine bites his lip again as he examines Kurt’s name on his phone. It’s definitely the cutest thing Kurt’s ever seen.

“You should call me,” Kurt says.

“Oh I will,” Blaine nods, looking from his phone to Kurt and back. Kurt laughs and picks his phone up from where it’s sitting on the dashboard.

“No, I mean now,” Kurt says quietly, as he waves his phone in front of Blaine. “So I can have your number too.” Blaine looks at him, beaming like it’s the best idea anyone has ever had and touches his phone. He disconnects it when Kurt’s phone lights up and Kurt takes a moment to fill Blaine’s name in the contact entry.

They finish their breakfast, Blaine filling Kurt in on the carnival gossip, which largely consists of a love triangle involving the assistant mechanic, one of the temporary nurses, and the guy who manages the food service supplies. Apparently it was a screaming match between the three of them that woke Blaine so early that he decided to just get up and wait for Kurt.

“So what happened to them?”

Blaine laughs. “I think the three of them all went into one of the campers together.” Kurt’s eyes widen, but Blaine just shrugs. “It’s weird being on the road all the time. Strange things happen. Here, let me get that.” Blaine reaches for Kurt’s empty cup and collects the remaining trash, then gets out of the car.

Kurt watches Blaine walk over to the nearest trash bin. It’s hot, even at this hour, and Blaine hasn’t put on his work polo yet, he’s just wearing a snug white t-shirt and jeans, like the day he walked into the garage. Now that Kurt knows he’s gay, and knows just a little what he feels like under those clothes, it’s hard not to stare at him and wonder about more. He watches as Blaine drops the bag in the bin, then stretches, his arms reaching high over his head as the t-shirt rides up his belly.

Every feeling Kurt has ever had to suppress, looking at guys who would never reciprocate his feelings - no matter how simple they were, is scratching at his skin from the inside, trying desperately to get out. Kurt blushes so hard he has to turn his head away, as if the whole world could see how he feels.

When Blaine gets back in the car he twists around so his back is leaning up against the door and he’s facing Kurt. Blaine’s head tilts with a lopsided grin that Kurt wants to kiss off his face when he notices it. A tiny purple circle just above Blaine’s collarbone.

“Kurt?”

Kurt blinks. “Um -”

He’s not sure what to say, if anything. Kurt’s seen hickeys, the girls in the glee club frequently came to school sporting them, pretending that they wanted to hide them but showing them off at the slightest prodding. But this isn’t quite as dark, or obvious as the one’s he’s seen. So he’s not sure.

It only takes Blaine another few seconds to realize what Kurt is staring at, and he slaps his hand to his neck.

“Oh,” Blaine says. His face is flushed, he’s blushing but he’s also touching the bruise with his fingers and staring at Kurt pretty intently. “I almost forgot that was there.”

“Did I do that?” Kurt shifts in the driver’s seat so he can get a better look, and for the first time since he got it he curses the tiny interior of his car. “Oh my god I’m so sorry,” he says, because he doesn’t know what else to say, and he’s not sure that he’s sorry at all.

Blaine chuckles softly and leans forward,taking one of Kurt’s hands in his. “Of course,” he answers. “And I really didn’t mind. You don’t have to be sorry.” Blaine’s smile turns into a confused frown. “Unless you really didn’t want to do it, then I guess you can be sorry.”

Kurt shakes his head. “Very not sorry then. If you didn’t mind.”

“Okay good,” Blaine whispers, just before he leans over the center console and presses his mouth to Kurt’s. It’s only a few seconds, but Kurt can’t stop himself leaning into it just as Blaine pulls away. “Hey, we’ve got some time before we have to be anywhere.”

Kurt glances at the clock on the dashboard. He must have been even earlier than he thought because they’ve got half an hour before either of them have to check in at their posts.

“Wanna make out?” Blaine asks, eyebrows questioning.

Kurt can’t help but chuckle. “I thought we were.” Blaine dives back in, one hand sliding around the back of Kurt’s head, the other gripping his arm. Kurt wriggles and moves to shift his body so he can get his arms around Blaine’s waist just as Blaine tries to bend his torso over the center console, and Blaine bangs his knee on the gear shift.

“Shit.”

“Oh! Are you okay?” Blaine is already undone, face flushed and lips already swollen from kissing, but Kurt can stop long enough to make sure he’s not hurt.

He’s rubbing his knee, but he doesn’t look any more interested in stopping than Kurt it. “I banged my knee, but it’s fine.” He leans back in to Kurt’s space. “It’s fine.”

Kurt kisses him, then pulls away. He doesn’t miss the whine that comes out of Blaine when he opens the door and gets out of the car. “This will be better. Move back a sec,” he tells Blaine, and when he’s out of the way Kurt releases the seat and moves it all the way forward, climbing into the back.

“There’s not exactly a lot of room back here, but if we move the seats up -”

Blaine makes a strangled sort of grunting noise and climbs over the seat, joining Kurt in the back. Kurt winds up half on his back and sideways across the seat, Blaine hovering over him with one leg on the floor. “Is this alright?”

Kurt doesn’t bother answering, he just reaches for Blaine’s face, kissing him harder than he’s had the nerve to so far. Blaine presses back, tugging at Kurt’s shirt until he gets his hand underneath on Kurt’s skin, moaning as his palm spreads wide across Kurt’s back.

“So hot,” Blaine mumbles, kissing down Kurt’s throat.

“Ungg, m’sweaty.” Kurt thinks for a moment that it’s kind of gross that Blaine’s hand is on his obviously sweaty back, but decides not to care.

“Like it,” is all Blaine says, shifting to give Kurt room as he takes his turn kissing Blaine’s neck. Kurt decides he likes it a lot - the taste of Blaine’s throat on his tongue - when Blaine gasps, and Kurt realizes that his mouth is worrying at the almost-hickey spot, and Blaine is moaning and baring his throat more and pressing hard up against Kurt. “Feels so good,” Blaine groans into Kurt’s hair. “Don’t stop.”

Kurt doesn’t stop, and he doesn’t want to. In his wildest dreams he had never imagined what it would feel like, being wanted like this, and he wants to chase whatever he’s feeling until the obvious end. If they weren’t in the back of his tiny car Kurt is pretty sure it would be over already, at least for him.

“Blaine.” Kurt pulls his mouth away from Blaine’s neck, filing the tiny noise of disappointment he makes away for later. “I hate to keep doing this, but I don’t exactly have a change of clothes.”

“Wha-?” Blaine sits up and bangs his head on the roof of the car. “Oh, right.”

Kurt kisses the tender spot on Blaine’s neck one more time, and Blaine groans as he climbs off, sitting on the seat next to Kurt, his erection very obviously tenting his shorts. They sit quietly, heavy breathing giving way to calm, and Kurt can’t help it, he bursts out laughing.

“Oh my god,” he says, covering his face in his hands. “I’m so sorry, again. It’s just -”

“It’s okay Kurt,” and Blaine is laughing too, so it can’t be bad, right? Blaine leans his shoulder into Kurt’s, dropping his head on his shoulder. “I just wish we could -”

“Yeah,” Kurt says. “Me too.”

“Can we hang out at lunch?” Blaine asks once they get to the ticket booth. Kurt can tell he’s lingering and he can’t help but feel how fully unfair the universe is that the first time he’s had someone come close to resembling a boyfriend - even if he really isn’t that, but Kurt can have his fantasy - circumstances still conspire to keep them apart. “I can come by at 1:20, we can grab a corn dog.”

“Ew. No to the corndog, I don’t think I will ever eat another corn dog.” Kurt’s stomach turns at the thought of it. “Two weeks as a carny may have destroyed my ability to enjoy the worst foods humankind has to offer for the rest of my life.”

Blaine leans close enough to whisper in Kurt’s ear. “We could skip lunch and just go straight to your car and make out some more. If you want.”

Blaine kisses him again, a quick peck on the cheek before Kurt can answer, his fingers tangling with Kurt’s until the very last second. He makes a texting motion and waves before he turns around, and Kurt leans back against the door to the ticket booth, hugging himself with both arms. Rachel will be there any second and he needs to pull himself together.

“So are you going to tell me about your date last night or what, Kurt? I texted you three times and you ignored all of them.”

Kurt sighs. He wants to tell Rachel, but part of him is afraid that if he talks about it it will make it disappear, like some sort of fairytale nightmare.

“He took me on a picnic,” Kurt finally tells her.

“A picnic? At night? Kurt that sounds very romantic.”

She’s smiling in an irritating way, but he decides to let her have her fun.

“It was,” is all he says.

Early birds start arriving to the grounds, and they get busy for an hour or so selling tickets to various groups of kids and families and teenagers, a few that they even know from school. It’s not until they get a break and Kurt feels his phone vibrate in his pocket that he has time to wonder if it’s Blaine that’s texting him. He fishes out his phone to discover that he is.

B: Did you know that the first McRib was served at a McDonald’s in Columbus Ohio in 1982?

K: If this is the sort of texting I can expect from you I think I’m going to regret giving you my number.

K: Also I don’t think that’s true

B: Well then did you know the world’s largest basket is in Dublin?

Kurt giggles, much to Rachel’s annoyance. “Who’s that?” She asks, eyes narrowed suspiciously.

“Blaine,” he mouths silently, as if saying his name will break some spell, then he goes back to his phone.

K: That’s not better Blaine.

B: Why not Kurt? I think I’m actually going to get to see it next week.

K: Are you actually excited about this?

B: It’s a huge basket Kurt!

Kurt stares at the text.

K: Oh my god. You’re so strange

B: You love it

K: Maybe

“Kurt stop flirting we have a line!” Rachels interrupts.

K: Rachel says I have to stop flirting and work.

B: Boo Rachel. But me too.

B: I’ll see you later

Ticket sales are brisk after that, and Kurt doesn’t hear much from Blaine for the next several hours, but at around 11:30 Kurt’s phone vibrates, and when he checks it he sees a picture of Blaine frowning in front of a long line of carnival goers waiting to get on the Ferris Wheel.

K: oh no, that looks terrible Blaine

B: You could send me one

K: Send you what?

B: A picture. Of you.

Kurt stares at his phone long enough for Rachel to notice that he’s not paying attention to whatever she’s been talking about for the past two minutes.

“Kurt? Did you hear what I said?”

“What? No,” he says, shaking his head. She must notice him staring, since she leans over into his space and tries to looks at his phone too.

“Who’s that?”

“Blaine. He sent me a picture and he wants me to send him one.”

“Oh my god Kurt is he sexting you? What exactly happened on your picnic last night? You are not giving me the whole story.” Rachel stands as tall as her four-foot-ten frame allows, crossing her arms across her chest and glaring at him suspiciously.

“Oh for God’s sake Rachel he’s not sexting me.” He shows her the photo, which mollifies her for the moment. He decides to just send him a selfie, but takes nearly two dozen he thinks aren’t good enough, and then they get busy again so he never sends any of them.

And it stays busy. Apparently everyone in the county decided to come to the carnival for the day because before Kurt realizes it’s time for lunch, Blaine is knocking o n the ticket window motioning for Kurt to come outside. There’s a lull in the line, so Kurt tells Rachel he’ll be back in five minutes and slips out the door.

“I can’t stay,” Blaine says, looking around before quickly pecking Kurt on the lips. “It’s crazy today and I have to bring lunch back to the guys working the Ferris Wheel with me.” He kisses Kurt again, longer this time and Kurt can’t not lean into it. “But I didn’t want to go the whole day and not see you.”

Kurt smiles back at him. “I know, it’s been insane all day. It seems like everyone wants to eat fried dough, spin in circles, and then throw up today.” Blaine laughs at his terrible joke, and Kurt thinks for a fraction of a second that he could fall in love with this boy...then chases that thought right out of his mind. It can’t happen.

“Hey, everything okay?” Blaine is looking at him with a concerned wrinkle in his eyebrows.

“What? Oh, yeah - everything’s fine, why?”

“Your face just fell like ten stories in half a second.” Blaine puts his hands on Kurt’s shoulders, making circles on them with his thumbs as he moves a little closer, wide eyes open and questioning.

This is not good. He leans forward and kisses Blaine to distract himself. Which he thinks may not be the best idea when Blaine wraps his arms around Kurt’s neck and presses him up against the side of the ticket both.

“I have to go,” he says when he breaks the kiss. “But you never sent me a picture.”

“Oh, I took a bunch, but I didn’t think they were good enough.” He tries to blow if off as annoying perfectionism, but Blaine sticks his hand into Kurt’s back pocket and retrieves his phone, opening the camera and moving so he’s standing next to Kurt.

“Say cheese, Kurt,” Blaine tells him as he grins and holds the phone as far away as his arm allows. Kurt leans his head on Blaine’s shoulder and smiles, and when Blaine shows him the photo he’s relieved to see that he at least looks cute. And together they look really good. Blaine sends the photo to himself, then thumbs through some of the shots Kurt took earlier. “Kurt these are adorable,” he says, nudging him with his shoulder. “Can I send myself some?”

Kurt’s impressed that he asked permission before just doing it, and of course he’s thrilled that Blaine wants some of them, so he says yes. He’s not so sure he’d be able to handle having a phone full of pictures of Blaine after he leaves.

“So, I know your shift ends at 6:30 tonight, but do you think you might be able to get away? Maybe come back later and hang out with me?” Blaine asks. Kurt can’t help but flash to the images of the night before, watching various couples disappear into the back seats of cars. He’s pretty sure that’s what Blaine is asking.

He also thinks he wants to.

“Yeah, I uh, I’d like that.”

“Your dad won’t mind you coming out so late?”

Kurt shakes his head. “He and his girlfriend went to Fort Wayne for the weekend. Apparently they’re having some battle of the tribute bands that they both love from their youth, so they’re actually gone until Monday afternoon.”

“I have to go get the food, do you want to come with? Pick up something for you and Rachel?”

That sounds like a good idea, since the mad rush of people could pick up again at any moment, so he opens the door to the ticket booth to find out what Rachel wants.

“Hi Rachel.” Blaine waves.

“Oh hello Blai - oh my god is that a hickey?” She practically shrieks.

Blaine slaps his hand to his neck in the same gesture as the morning. He’s turning a little pink, but he’s looking more pleased than embarrassed.

“Kurt you are definitely holding out on me,” she accuses him smugly.

“Fine Rachel, I gave Blaine a hickey.” Kurt sighs. “Do you want French fries? We’re going to get some food before the next rush starts.” He’s trying to ignore her glare, but it’s not easy - her eyes are darting between him and Blaine and she looks like she has more to say.

She settles on “Yes, fine. And a lemonade,” but she doesn’t say anything else, so Kurt shuts the door and he and Blaine go off in search of lunch.

Once they have their orders, Blaine gives Kurt a quick cheek kiss and tells him how much he’s looking forward to seeing him later, then heads off to his ride.

Crossing the crowded grounds on his way back to the booth he practically runs into Jeff, one of the other summer workers. Kurt has seen him around in the employee tent, and hanging out with Blaine sometimes. Jeff manages to catch Kurt’s tray so none of the food lands on the ground.

“Oh god thank you,” he says. “I guess it’s too crowded to not pay attention to where I’m going.”

“Nah, it’s cool, it’s pretty busy today though.” Jeff seems like a nice guy, but Kurt’s not sure what to talk to him about. “Oh and congrats, by the way,” he says, pointing to his neck. Kurt must look confused because he goes on. “Blaine? I saw the hickey - nice job. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Blaine work so hard to get some. I mean, before we got here there were guys crawling all over him the minute we pulled into every town. But seriously dude, it took him almost two weeks to get anywhere with you. Props.”

Jeff holds up his hand like he wants to do a fist bump, but Kurt’s hands and arms are full, and his blood is running cold. Jeff seems to realize the fist bump isn’t happening though, giving him two thumbs up instead before walking off to wherever he was headed before he pulled Kurt’s heart out and tossed it on the beaten dry grass of the midway.

Mercifully, Kurt doesn’t have a lot of time to think about what Jeff said - or what it means, because when he gets back to the booth the line is twenty families deep and Rachel is frazzled to her breaking point. He sets the food and drinks down and gets right to selling tickets, thankful for the distraction.

Eventually the line slows to a manageable handful of people, so Kurt kicks Rachel out so she can get a ten minute break, and he can have a few moments to think. He slumps in his chair, burying his face in his hands. He doesn’t cry, he’s not quite there yet, but he’s got a lump in his stomach that’s a mixture of disappointment and distrust and heartbreak, but he doesn’t know exactly where to direct it.

Blaine hasn’t exactly lied to him, so it’s not that. And Kurt knows in his head that someone he’s known for ten days, and just kissed for the first time two days ago, is not exactly offering him a lifetime commitment. But his heart has been telling him something different for the last twenty four hours. Blaine’s affection seemed so sincere, so real, that the thought that Kurt is just some convenient prey hurts. He feels like he knows Blaine, but the truth is he really doesn’t.

When Rachel returns, Kurt is rubbing at his chest, trying to make the ache go away, though it really only spreads it further, making him feel numb everywhere. To her credit, it only takes Rachel a minute to notice that he’s having a crisis.

“Kurt what’s wrong? Ugh these fries are cold.” She frowns at Kurt and then at the box of fries she’s retrieved from where Kurt had set them down under the ticket counter. “You look sick.”

“I think I fucked myself up.” When she frowns, chewing a cold french fry, he goes on. “I really like Blaine.”

Rachel chews silently for a solid twenty seconds. “Not news to me.”

“No, I mean, in the ‘I-know-you-can’t-fall-in-love-with-someone-in-two-days-but-maybe-I-just-did’ kind of like.” He leans his elbow on the counter, dropping his face back in his hands.

“Oh, Kurt.” She sets the fries down, wiping her fingers on a napkin before wrapping him up in a hug. “Did something happen? Does he not like you? He seemed happy enough about the hickey.”

“I thought he did, but now I don’t know what to think.” He tells her about his run in with Jeff, and she makes appropriately concerned and angry faces on his behalf along the way. He also tells her that Blaine asked him to come back tonight, and she agrees that he’s probably looking for a little more than just a fumbling makeout session. “A cute boy has never liked me before, I thought it would be nice to see what that felt like. I had no idea I could compress an entire relationship into a day.” He slams his head back on the ticket counter.

“Don’t beat yourself up too hard Kurt. He’s been charming to you since the moment you met. And you did go in with your eyes open. You knew there was an expiration date.”

Kurt rubs his face, running his hands through his hair. “I know. I don’t even know why I’m so upset Rach.” He looks at her, hoping she can help, but she just makes a sad face. “I guess - I guess I just didn’t expect him to be so sincere. I thought he more than liked me - I thought he cared about me Rachel, and I didn’t need him to, not really.” Kurt starts to sniffle just a little, wiping his nose on a napkin. “He didn’t have to make me feel this way.”

They’re interrupted from their discussion by more customers, and the flow stays pretty steady for the rest of their shift. When it’s over they clock out and head to the parking lot. Rachel’s dads dropped her off that morning, but Kurt is going to drive her home. He’s relieved to have the company.. He manages to avoid talking to Blaine completely.

B: Hey, I missed yu before you left, it was so crazy today

B: You

B: just wanted to check what time I should look for you? We should be all closed up by 12:30

Kurt looks at the text and sighs into the empty room. He’s not very good at making up excuses.

K: I don’t think I can make it back tonight.

B: Ok well. Ok.

B: Is everything ok?

K: yeah, I’m just more tired than I thought.

B: Oh. WIll I see you in the morning? for coffee?

Kurt wants to say yes. He does. He just isn’t sure yet how he’s feeling. Talking to Rachel helped somewhat, but he still feels like he’s been punched in the heart a little. Although it’s possible he did the punching himself.

K: I’ll text you okay? in the morning, let you know.

B: Kurt did I do something wrng?

B: Wrong?

It’s hard not to be charmed by Blaine fixing his typos, but it’s hard. And he doesn’t want to hurt Blaine, so he gives him a real answer.

K: No. You didn’t do anything wrong.

B: Promise?

K: Promise. I really just need some sleep.

There’s no response for a few minutes, and Kurt isn’t sure what to think, but since Blaine is still on a shift he could have just gotten distracted, so he tries not to read too much into it.

B: ok, sorry. customers.

B: ok. then i guess i should say goodnight. i’ll miss seeing you.

Kurt closes his eyes, hugging his phone for a minute to keep from getting into his car and driving over to the carnival parking lot.

K: good night Blaine

#along for the rides #aftr ch 7 #klaine fic #klaine fanfiction

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spaceorphan18 · 7 years ago

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Glee’s Final Season [Part 4/4]

This part is dedicated to @snarkyhag - thank you for stopping Cooper from stealing a baby ;) <3

For context - This set of episodes takes place five years after the events of season six (effectively season 11??) and ends around the time that the real series finale ends. It is mostly canon compliant – though I did take liberty with a few things, most notably, changing Sam and Mercedes’s story. But for the most part, it should settle in nicely into regular canon – and its intent is that this is my own version of the final season of the show.

Also note: I’m not that great at picking out music for these episodes, so feel free to fill in those blanks yourselves ;)

Previously on Glee:

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 AO3 - FULL

///

Episode 11.20: Existential Crises

Rachel’s been nominated for an Tony. She tries to play it cool, but she can’t help but incredibly excited about it -- this is what she’s worked her whole life for. She gets plenty of phone calls - from her mom, from Will Schuester, from people she hasn’t heard from in a long time. She even gets, surprisingly, a short message from Cassie July of all people congratulating her. The day of the Tony’s there’s a party at her and Jesse’s home (thrown by her dads), while she and Jesse go to the actual Tony’s. And, of course, she wins the Tony -- and it’s everything she had hoped it would be.

Later that night, after the party has died down, Rachel and Jesse have a quiet alone moment. Rachel says she’s happy -- happier than she’s ever been. And she really wants to take in the moment. But there’s a strangeness to the feeling. She’s now gotten the one thing she’s always wanted - where does she go from there - now that she doesn’t have a specific goal to achieve. Jesse laughs, and tells her she’ll come up with a goal at some point - but for now they can enjoy having an open road.

With the baby on the way soon, Burt and Carole come to New York to help get things set up. It’s a nice time -- and Burt gives some great fatherly -- which he’s happy to pass down. Kurt’s a little worried about being a dad -- thinking that Blaine’s more a natural at it. But Burt knows he’ll be fine -- because he’s a lot like his mom, and his mom freaked out when they were going to have Kurt - but she managed to do a great job. Burt also shares some stories about how Kurt was a kid - as tells them both to prepare for a possible mini Kurt. (They admit they mixed the sperm together - so it could end up a mini Blaine!)

Blaine meanwhile, as much as he loves Burt and Carole, can’t stop thinking about his own family. He’s told his mom about it - but hasn’t spoken to his dad in the past few years. Kurt encourages him to call his dad - maybe just telling his dad he’ll be grandpa might be a step in the right direction. Blaine picks up the phone, and calls.

Mercedes returns from tour - and Sam is thrilled to see her again. The two have a joyous reunion, but it’s cut short by her producers wanting to see her quickly. She feels like she doesn’t get a chance to slow down, as the album promotion continues, and she’s suddenly wanted in a lot of different directions. Sam’s being super supportive, but it almost feels like she hasn’t returned at all. She wants to tell her producers that she wants a break - but that is when they tell her they want her to do a World Tour.

Artie and Tina have wrapped the movie - and it’s already been entered in a film festival. Artie is super excited about it - and when he gets the news, he and Tina go out to celebrate - which turns out to be more like a date. At the end of the night, Artie kisses Tina, and they’re both surprised by the sudden romantic reprisal.

Brittany is told by her costar Mary Hollaran that Mary is leaving for Australia to go on a spiritual tour of the homeland. (She doesn’t exactly specify what she’s talking about.) But because of this - the webseries can’t continue with just Brittany - and Brittany begins to freak out. That web series is her life, and she doesn’t know what to do without. Santana steps up - and reminds Brittany how much she helped Santana out when Santana felt lost about not having direction in her job. She tells Brittany that they can find a new costar - or maybe this is a chance to find something new for Brittany to do - it’s now up for her to decide.

Episode 11.21: Disco Didn’t Die, It Was Murdered

[An AU-ish Episode]

The episode starts of in reality -- Kurt’s theater is almost finished, and as a way to celebrate, he invites everyone over to the theater so Kurt can host a variation on his murder mystery dinners - a musical murder mystery that they’ll play out for themselves. Everyone’s set for the evening, when Cooper Anderson arrives - in town because he wants to start being a good uncle early, and asks to be a part of the murder mystery -- insisting that he’s the detective. Kurt reluctantly gives in on this.

[As they start the play, the scene shifts to a more AU-ish setting of 40s noir. And plays out as if it were a real murder mystery. All the music is in the style of 40s genre pop covers - or all Post Modern Jukebox songs. I’m pretty sure Cooper would do great singing PMJ’s version of All Star.]

Cooper’s inner monologue narrates that he’s a detective, who comes to this hotel after a long day of drinking and love making and stopping bad guys. (Cooper keeps ad libbing and making up back story - to which Kurt’s fourth wall breaking voice interrupts telling him to stop changing his script.) Anyway, Cooper was just wanting a night off when he walked into the hotel full of seedy characters but he can’t always get nice things.

It’s not long before there’s a first victim -- an up-and-coming actress - Tina. (Tina breaks the fourth wall - claiming she’s upset that she’s the first one dead.) Detective Cooper decides to shut down the lounge so that they can interview everyone to figure out who the murder is.

Jesse and Rachel play an socialite and heiress respectively, flaunting all of their shadily earned money. Santana is the hotel owner - known for having mob connections. Brittany is the barkeep and knows everyone’s secrets. Artie is a mad-scientist willing to share his science discoveries with the highest bidder. Mercedes is a lounge singer, who has aspirations of being famous one day. Sam runs the security for the hotel, and is known to let things slip by. Kurt is a fashion morgal with shady beginnings. And Blaine is the mysterious piano player.

Cooper is tries to find out who did it, and what their motive is, but he’s notoriously bad for playing the game. One by one, the other players are killed off, until there are only three left - Kurt, Blaine, and Rachel. And Cooper suggests wild guess after wild guess as to who is responsible for the murders. At one point, Cooper suggests that Tina was faking her own death and she is the real murder (to which Tina likes - but Kurt says that’s not possible, so he needs to try again.) Cooper only has one guess before the murderer wins so he goes into a long soliloquy (like detectives normal do) determining who did it -- and lands on Rachel. He’s wrong, though, it’s actually Blaine.

But before Blaine can claim victory, and reveal his motives, Rachel goes into labor. The episode shifts back to reality as everyone gets excited about Rachel having the baby.

Episode 11.22: Someone’s Going to the Emergency Room, Someone’s Going to Jail

Rachel is indeed in labor - and when they get to the hospital, they find that it’s not going to be a quick birth. Kurt’s overly anxious - and yells at the staff when he’s at first not allowed to be in the room with Rachel. Once in, he is kind of all over the place -- crowding Rachel, making sure she’s okay. Rachel has to send him out. Mercedes is there to comfort him - and walks him around the hospital, while he talks about how hard it is not to have any control over this part of the process. And then starts worrying about all the possible things that could go wrong. Mercedes calms him down and tells him that he just has to have faith that everything will be alright.

Meanwhile - the hours drag on through the night. Cooper is still around - driving everyone crazy - until he hooks up with one of the nurses - who takes him home. Very early the next morning, Cooper comes back freaking out, holding a dead bird. He doesn’t explain how, but he has somehow managed to kill the nurse’s pet bird. Cooper doesn’t want the woman to know, and enlists Blaine and Sam (Sam who’s excited to have one last BLAM adventure) to buy a new one and replace it without the nurse knowing. Blaine is not in the mood to be dealing with Cooper’s shenanigans, but agrees to help so it’ll stop Cooper from causing any more trouble.

They eventually do fine a replacement bird, and Cooper takes them over to the woman’s apartment. [Cooper can’t just ring - because apparently, the night didn’t go well, and he doesn’t want to confront her.] When she leaves (for the grocery story) they try to get in through the window, but a neighbor calls the cops. Blaine and Sam are arrested, while Cooper was able to sneak away with the new bird. Blaine is freaking out having to go to jail, especially pissed off that it’s keeping him from the birth of his daughter. They call Cooper to get them out, but Cooper is too preoccupied with the bird - and says he’ll get them out when he gets rid of the bird.

Cooper enlists Brittany and Santana. The woman is at home again - and Santana pretends to be a salesman of beauty products while Brittany replaces the bird. Once it’s done, they get Blaine and Sam out of jail. Sam says it’s a good thing they’re going to a hospital because Blaine is probably going to murder Cooper.

Meanwhile, Tina and Artie, needing something to do, find places in the hospital to hook up - since they just got back together. They end up in a janitor’s closet, but their fooling around knocks down a bucket onto Artie’s head - and they have to get to the emergency room, where Artie finds out he has a concussion.

Rachel eventually has the baby, and Kurt and Blaine marvel at becoming dads. They name her Katharine Elizabeth Hummel-Anderson, and everyone loves her at first sight.

Episode 11.23: Everything’s Great

A week later - and Rachel is slowly beginning to feel like herself again. Jesse asks her if she’s plans on heading back to Jane Austen Sings! When she’s fully recovered - but Rachel isn’t sure she wants to. The girl who took her place is doing great, and Rachel thinks she might be ready for something new. Jesse hopes so - because he’s just had a new opportunity come his way - producing and directing a play over in London. Rachel has to think about it - New York has really become her home, but eventually tells Jesse that she’s ready to venture out to new things - just like she had all those years ago when she left Ohio for New York.

Burt and Carole, who’ve been staying with Kurt and Blaine, finally decide to leave. For the first time, the new parents are fully alone with their daughter, and the full realization that they are parents kind of hits them hard. Making things difficult is that Katie doesn’t want to sleep - and they begin attempting everything, from Kurt reading from his countless parenting books, to Blaine calling up the pediatrician. And on top of that - they’re trying to balance work related that aren’t stopping because they now have a child. They have a WTF are we doing moment - as they wonder if they can ever figure it out but eventually, they’re able to sing Katie to sleep, and joke that Katie was just testing them as parents. They realize they’re gonna spend a lot of time being tired - but when they look at her, they know she’s worth it.

Mercedes is being pressured into making a decision about the World Tour. She sits down with Sam, where they talk out their options. She doesn’t want to leave Sam alone for another four months, but Sam says he’s willing to come with her. Mercedes feels bad - and says she doesn’t want to keep compromising his life for her dreams. Sam says it’s his dream to be with her. Mercedes, touched, says he can come on the World Tour and that afterward maybe they can make their permanent home their place upstate - that way when Mercedes is not on tour, she can have a seclusive recording studio in the country, so Sam can feel at home, too, and so they can have a nice place to raise their kids.

Artie and Tina go to the film festival. The film doesn’t win any awards, but Artie is offered an assistant director position on a major film - which will shoot in Vancouver. Tina says she wants to go with him. Artie tells her he’s not going to let her follow him just because they’re together again. Tina tells him it’s not for him -- that she’s come to some realizations that she hates her job, and maybe she isn’t supposed to be a performer -- so she’s going to have him teach her everything he knows about filmmaking, and she’s going to try to do things behind the scenes now.

Brittany says they should start interviewing people to be her new cohost, so Santana sets up auditions. No one, however, is clicking with Brittany - and Brittany fears it might be the end of her show. Mary Hollaran comes back from Australia to visit - and offers to use her connections with Hollywood to find Brittany a new cohost. What ends up happening, however, is that they sell the show to a network, which develops a TV show out of the premise, which stars Brittany. Santana is fully on board, as there will be plenty of rich people who will need her services.

Episode 11.24: Mr. Schuester of Ohio

Will Schuester finally getting the expansion to his school, invites everyone back to Ohio for the opening of the new school. Everyone comes back into town - even some old faces they haven’t seen in a long time.

While they’re in Ohio, Kurt and Blaine take their daughter to see the newly rebuilt Dalton Academy - which is run by their old friend Trent. Brittany and Santana visit Santana’s grandmother and Brittany’s parents. Mercedes and Sam hang out with Will, Emma, and their kids. Artie and Tina visit Coach Beiste. Rachel and Jesse take a trip to Finn’s grave.

After the celebration of the opening of the new school, most of them head out for drinks, where they reminisce about old times, talk about thing that have never come up in the past ten years, reveal secrets, and generally catch up with people they haven’t spoken to in a long time. (Just where has Matt been all these years?!?) It’s a good night for reflection.

Before they head out and go their own separate ways, Will asks them to do one final performance - to which they all happily agree to do.

Episode 11.25: The Constant

Present Day: Artie is getting ready to go to Canada -- excited that he’ll be working on a major film (which is a major MCU film, btw). He asks Tina if she’s sure she wants to go with him. She’s sure. They head to Tina’s work, where she quits her job, stating that she’s tired of playing it safe, and she’s gonna try to make something of herself. Artie says he’s proud of her, and they share a kiss.

Flash Forward: Both Artie and Tina are dressed up for an awards show. At first it seems as though Artie might be winning award, since they are at a director’s award banquet, but it’s really Tina who’s been nominated, and she wins best director of a short film of her own making and her first real big success. Everyone clams for Tina, and she’s never been so proud of herself.

Present Day: Sam and Mercedes are preparing for Mercedes’s world tour. Sam almost seems more excited than Mercedes does, and has packed at least a dozen different language phrase books. Mercedes tells him as great as it is that he’s excited, she’s looking forward to coming home and starting a family with him. They sell their home in NYC, which make the move feel more permanent.

Flash Forward: Mercedes is working on her new album from her home studio in the country. You can see multiple Grammys on a case in the background. Mercedes takes a break and leans against the doorframe leading outside to watch Sam play football with their three boys. She couldn’t be happier.

Present Day: Brittany and Santana are packing a car for their road trip out west. The two share a moment of excitement as they hit the road, and arrive in LA ready to take it on.

Flash Forward: Santana’s on the set of Brittany’s TV show, which is now an acclaimed hit, watching proudly was Brittany works. Santana’s phone is going off -- one of her many clients is having a melt down, but she takes a moment to just enjoy watching her wife, before dealing with more craziness (which she loves).

Present Day: Kurt and Blaine are in their apartment. Kurt’s working on a new design for his fashion line, as well as talking to Elliott on the phone about possible first shows to go in the theater, while Blaine is holding Katie, and trying out melodies on the piano for a new musical. Their lives are hectic, but as the evening settles in, and they get to be a small family, they enjoy their life.

Flash Forward: Kurt and Blaine are preparing for a one-night only revival of Trapped in an Elevator: A Love Story, which stars themselves - as themselves, which they’re performing for charity. Included in the audience are Burt, Carole, Kurt and Blaine’s two daughters, Cooper, and both of Blaine’s parents. They go out celebrate afterwards.

Present Day: Rachel and Jesse shut out the lights in their apartment for a final time - and take a plane to London, a place that feels foreign to her as she arrives. She takes it all in, though,

Flash Forward: In a full circle moment - Rachel is finishing playing Fanny in the West End’s production of Funny Girl. She is met afterwards by Jesse and their young son -- and

Flashback (a week or so earlier): The group is having a final dinner at Kurt and Blaine’s to celebrate everyone going off onto new adventures. It’s a fun filled evening, though as it ending, Artie points out this might be the last time they will all ever be in the same room. Mercedes doesn’t think that’ll be true, but it’s a bittersweet realization nonetheless. Rachel brings it around - stating that even if they all go in different (new, haha) directions they’ll always have one constant - the music, which will always bring back the memories. As the show closes out - Rachel starts them off in one final song -- an acoustic version of Don’t Stop Believin’.

///

~END SERIES~

#s.o. writes things #glee's final season #okay - I felt a little something finishing this up #I think s11 is my favorite #lol #I'll get this up onto AO3

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youveneverbeenalone · 7 years ago

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Inktober for Writers/Fictober:

Day 15- Intimacy (Darejones)

These just keep getting later and I’m still behind and my apologies. What even is time? Oh well. If something’s not coherent, it’s late, so I’m sorry, and I’ll edit it later. Prompt list here, just in case, and links to previous days at the bottom. Thanks for reading and sticking in there with me. I appreciate the support.

Also, today’s is quite long- mostly because I combined it with a different wip I had in the works based on a beautiful and simple prompt that @onlymorelove asked for like two months ago. I hope it was worth the wait! I had a blast making this stuff up for their backstories, and I hope you enjoy. Oh, and in terms of continuity- pretty general & fits with my other stuff after they’ve been together for a little while.

Day 15- Intimacy

It sneaks up on her, the way so many things do with him (though they are miraculously never bad things, and she can’t find words to express how glad she is about that). This, though, is a bit of a surprise for how suddenly she realizes the way their interactions have been leading up to this, and how she is actually happy, incandescently happy, to be sitting where she is - on her couch, him next to her, holding her feet in his lap while they share stories from childhood. Something she never would have imagined was possible before. Because it’s strikingly and terrifyingly intimate, but for once she’s turning into that feeling of raw vulnerability instead of turning away. And she doesn’t have a good track record for that. She never really has.

Even before Kilgrave, she had the tendency to keep her truest self under lock and key, hidden away, safe where no one and nothing (except for Trish- the only family she has left) could hurt her. Loss will do that to a person, and in her line of work, she’s watched many people learn the necessity of living this way. Perhaps she’s no different from the masses; she’s lost plenty in her life. Everything with Kilgrave just multiplied that loss, magnifying her pain and creating infinitely more layers of separation and security through which someone would need to pass in order to really know her.

So it comes as a bit of a shock when she realizes that Matthew Murdock has come quite a long way toward achieving that feat. Mostly through increasingly familiar and very entertaining bullshit sessions in which they share about their lives. Also, they drink whiskey, and that might have to do with how the questions always seem to get easier the later the night gets. Tonight, though, the questions seem to get particularly personal.

She starts this round, after they toast and she takes a drink from her glass of whiskey. “Alright, time to get into the hard-hitting stuff. What was your most embarrassing moment as a kid?"

"Wow, the gloves are really coming off, huh? Oh god… well, when I was ten or eleven, I was finally chosen to be a server Mass. It was a big deal because I had practiced really hard to prove to them that I would be fine, that I had the route memorized and wouldn’t run into anything or whatever. But when the time finally came, I was so nervous that I ended up tripping on my robe on the way up. And I biffed it in front of a church full of people.”

“Yikes, that sucks. But I did trip in the cafeteria when I was in second grade, with a tray full of food. I was so messy that my mom had to bring me a change of clothes, so I think I win. Your turn.”

“Hmmm… what was the first cd you ever owned?"

The sigh she lets out tells him that she just rolled her eyes. "That’s the best you can do? Whatever. Technically, the first cd I ever owned was something by Mariah Carey, but it was given to me by my aunt who was very out of touch and had no idea what I was really interested in. I don't think I ever even listened to it, so I'm saying that doesn't count. But, the first cds I bought for myself were Nirvana's Nevermind and the Red Hot Chili Peppers' Blood Sugar Sex Magik. You?"

"Oh wow, I don't know. Maybe the Goo Goo Dolls Dizzy up the Girl?”

"Seriously? You didn't own a cd before 1998?"

"Hey, I was lucky Sister John Marie let me keep my original walkman when I moved in.”

The eye roll she gives is automatic more than malicious. “I guess. Well, what was your first tape, then?”

“Bob Dylan’s Blood on the Tracks. My dad was a big fan.”

“Fair enough. Let’s see ... who was your teenage celebrity crush?"

"Yikes, I haven't thought about that in years.. Uhhhhh, I don't know ... maybe, Fiona Apple?”

She does a double take because she really didn’t expect him to say that. “What? Seriously? Not someone like Alicia Silverstone, or ... Angelina Jolie? Or hell,

Madonna? She had that whole fake chastity angle going and everything."

He gives a throaty chuckle at that, and her heart flutters at the sound.

"'Fake chastity angle' aside, consider my criteria, Jess. I lost my sight at nine, and that changed my life and the way I saw the world pretty significantly. This might surprise you, but I'm not a big movie guy. I much prefer music. Hence, Fiona Apple. And have you ever really listened to her music? Her voice is gorgeous- smooth and haunting but also lush and warm. In my opinion, very attractive."

“Uhh huh. And it’s probably just a coincidence that you became a lawyer. Doesn’t have anything to do with her being a ‘criminal’ and needing a ‘good defense’?”

A beautiful flush rises on his cheeks, but he’s a good sport and plays along with her. “That has less than a fraction of a percent to do with it. Believe it or not, I’ve always been this righteously indignant.”

She sighs to keep from chuckling back at him. “Oh, I bet. But, what about ‘ya know, before the accident? What was your type?”

She’s not sure how he manages it, but his blush intensifies, and it’s possible that it’s the prettiest blush she’s ever seen.

“I'm entirely sure that, being the good little Catholic boy I was at nine years old, I didn't have a type."

She snorts derisively at him. “Bullshit. Just because you were nine doesn't mean you weren't looking. You had to‘ve had a preference, at the very least. So share. Was it blondes or brunettes? Or maybe redheads? And I'm positive that by then you had already formed an opinion about tits vs. ass, whether or not you're willing to admit it."

He blinks at her a few times, still and silent where he sits. “Wow. I really don’t have clue how to answer that. And why is this starting to feel like a trap?"

"Oh, come on! I’m not going to take offense at what you say. I'm not insecure, I'm just curious. Besides, you have plausible deniability, anyway.”

She hears him chuckle under his breath as he lifts his eyebrows.

"Well, I will admit that now I'm curious, or at least even more curious, to know what you look like- what color your hair and your eyes are."

“Nice attempt at a deflection there, but I'm not telling you until you phrase it in a question, and you'll have to wait your turn and answer my question first."

He is quiet for a moment, expression intent- as though he’s calculating something. Finally, he lets out a long, belabored sigh. "Well... when I was growing up, I remember- we had this picture of my mom, which my dad kept framed on the mantle. It only the proof of her existence that I had back then, and I remember spending hours looking at it and thinking she was the most beautiful woman in the world. So I guess I'd say... brunette hair- like a warm chestnut color- and bright blue eyes."

She doesn’t know why her heart jumps at that, but it does, so she uses some wit and sarcasm to (hopefully) distract him and keep up appearances for her. "So maybe Freud wasn't too far off with that whole Oedipal complex thing, hmm?"

The look that he gives her at that is priceless. “Oh, god. Tell me you didn't just accuse me of being sexually attracted to my mother."

She can’t help but chuckle under her breath. "Fine, whatever. It's your turn, then."

He shrugs and gives her a knowing look. “Okay. Well... what color is your hair?"

Her heart starts to hammer in her chest, and she feels her cheeks flush, so she forces a few deep breaths to calm herself. When she’s calm enough to use neutral voice, she dodges him again. “Nice try, Murdock, but that's a hard pass."

"Oh, come on! How is that fair, Jones?"

The look she gives then is lost on him, but she’s hoping he’ll feel her weighty stare. “What about me gives you the impression that I care if it’s fair or not?”

He sigh exasperatedly at her. “Fine. Who was your teenage celebrity crush?"

She smirks and takes a sip of her whiskey. "I'd think that was obvious- Kurt Cobain."

He gives her a skeptical look. “Wasn't he already dead by the time you would have formed any kind of a serious opinion?"

She shrugs, a wry smile on her face. “That was part of the allure, honestly."

He’s quiet for a beat, but after taking a drink of his own whiskey, he looks up at her, approximating her gaze. “So, what's your type, then?"

With a shake of her head, she flattens her mouth into a thin line. “Nope, you already asked your question.”

“Oh, come on! You got a two-parter last time. Turnabout is fair play. We've set plenty of precedent for that."

She silently stares at him for a beat. “Again, I ask you: what makes you think I care?”

His shoulders slump, and he shakes his head at her. She thinks that, in this case, it’s the equivalent of him rolling his eyes. “Fine. Next question, please.”

She can’t help but smirk at that and how she was able to shut him down so easily. “What was your superlative?"

"...I don't understand how those words go together in that order." His eyebrow might as well be part of his hairline for how he’s raising them.

"You know, in high school yearbooks - people voted 'most fill-in-the-blank'? What was yours?"

"Oh, right. Well, I was voted 'worst driver'."

She snorts as she takes a drink of whiskey. "Who knew? Turns out Catholic kids have a sense of humor after all.

"Yeah, well Sister Mary Margaret didn't share that sense of humor. Everyone who voted for me got a demerit. A lot of people were pissed at me the last month of school."

She huffs a laugh at him. Yikes."

"Yeah, it wasn't a great time. But what about you?"

"Oh boy. Well, a group of kids got together and created their own write-in ballot section and voted me as 'most likely to die alone'. But Trish was on the yearbook committee, obviously, and she wasn't about to let that slide. Instead, we were voted 'best buds' or some shit like that. But to this day, I'm not convinced that she didn't circumvent the voting process to make sure the only place my name turned up was next to hers."

"Must be nice to have connections."

"Yeah, Trish continues to be a helpful contact that way. You're up."

He starts to blink at her, and she has to bite the inside of her mouth to keep from decking him for the false gratitude he uses in his tone.

“Oh really? It's my turn? How gracious. Thank you. And as penance, I want to know … your worst nickname.”

She grimaces at that. “Oh god. Well, in middle school, after the accident, people just started calling me an orphan. Even if it was true, that was brutal as an adolescent. And then my parents and my brother always called me Messy Jessie. Because my room was always a mess.”

Her thoughts drift off for a moment, to her family and the way things were before the accident. But she doesn’t continue with that train of thought for too long- the memories are too bittersweet. “Wow, I haven't thought about that in years. What about you?"

He sighs heavily. “Well, the kids at school were not all that creative and generally just called me a freak. And then my dad, and later, Stick, called me… Matty."

She chews her lip and looks at the floor before sighing and offering an apology. “Shit. Sorry. Shouldn’t have brought that up.”

"It’s okay, Jess. His death is a thing that happened. That won't change even if we don't talk about it." His expression turns cloudy and distant, and it occurs to her that she should probably ask him about that sometime. Maybe offer to listen and help him grieve. But that time is not today, because she’s already feeling vulnerable enough as it is. So she simply fixes him with a steady gaze.

"Doesn't mean that being reminded of it isn't the fucking worst, though."

The slightest of smirks flashes across his face, but it’s gone in a breath. And then he raises his glass, his mouth a grim line. "I'll drink to that."

She raises her own glass to his and drinks in tandem with him. A heavy silence falls between them, and suddenly she has the urge to share something with him- something meaningful and personal. Her mouth opens and she hears herself speaking before she consciously registers the word that comes out in a hesitant voice.

"Black."

But he’s only confused by that, tilting his head toward her. “What?"

She closes her eyes and blows out an exhale. Part of her wants to take it back, pretend to say something else, but she’s committed. So she tries again, using a louder and surer tone this time. “My hair. It's black."

He doesn’t quite gasp at that, but he inhales sharply, and it makes her stomach do gymnastics. “Jess-"

But she cuts him off, barreling ahead because she knows she’ll lose her nerve if she lets him talk now. "And my eyes are hazel, but mostly dark brown. Not all that different from yours, actually. But sadly, it looks like I’m not your type.”

He huffs a breath and shakes his head once before reaching out a hand and cupping her cheek softly. "Actually, you’re just my type.”

She bites the inside of her lip to keep as neutral an expression as she can. "And what is your type, exactly?"

"An intelligent, strong, dangerous woman who doesn't take anyone's shit.” He draws her closer, resting his forehead against hers as he speaks. He drops his voice- not quite into a whisper, but close- for the last bit. “And I'm a sucker for an alto."

Her heart jumps at that, and takes a few calming breaths. With a shake of her head and a sigh, she leans back from him, raising an eyebrow in his direction. “Does that line actually work for you?"

"It's working for me pretty well right now, if your pulse is anything to go by. But in all seriousness, thank you, Jess. For telling me."

She rolls her eyes and shrugs. "Just consider it my apology for not playing fair earlier... Matty."

She smirks playfully as he shakes his head, a pained look on his face.

"You're never gonna let that go, are you?"

"No. I'm not."

He sets his jaw and raises his chin the slightest bit. "Okay ... Messy Jessie."

She hums at him and leans a little closer. “You've got some nerve, Murdock."

"I'm just following your lead, Jones."

She gives a comically large shrug and uses a teasing tone. "Fine. But you know, I can go back to calling you St. Matthew, if that’s what you would prefer."

With that, he sighs and deflates, hanging his head and conceding his defeat. “... No, you don’t have to do that.”

"That's what I thought... Matty."

The beaming smile he gives her as the endearing nickname fall from her lips is like a star going supernova. It’s brilliant and mesmerizing, warm and beautiful, and it creates a strange, though not necessarily unpleasant feeling in her chest.

It’s a curious one, this feeling- frightening in its unfamiliarity. Because she hasn’t felt this way since… well, maybe ever. And now that she does, she has to admit, it isn’t quite what she thought it would be like. But she can’t deny that she loves it, suddenly yearns for it as if it’s the only fuel on the planet which could sustain her. And all because of the way he smiles when she calls him by that sweet name that so few have called him.

It’s times like these that remind her of how well they are coming to know one another. And it’s because of that strange feeling- which is increasing in its intensity and getting harder to ignore, but which she is still not quite ready to name- that she settles further into the couch, leaning closer to him, and relaxing more fully than she has done in god knows how long.

Day 14 | Day 16

#inktober for writers #fictober #my fic #a prompt a day #matt murdock/jessica jones #jessica x matt #mattjess #matt x jessica #matt murdock x jessica jones #darejones #messica

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idealisticrealism · 7 years ago

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Blindspot 2x22 recap

(Aka the one where they stop Phase 2 and Jeller finally get their act together)

Delayed by long work hours, an interstate trip for a traditional Indian engagement ceremony (which was AWESOME), and not in the least by my complete inability to deal with any of this episode at all ever.

There is so much screaming ahead, oh my god.

Alright kids, buckle up. This is gonna be a long ride.

Aaand we're back with Weller and Keaton in the Doomsday bunker, and you just know it's gotta be the end of the world when these two are willingly teaming up. As much as I still hate what Keaton did (like really, really hate it), I have to say I really enjoy his and Weller's dynamic as reluctant partners. I also enjoy that Weller is waaay taller than Keaton, and that he's the more dominant one in the pair, with Keaton totally following along like a lil sidekick. Damn straight, son. Know your place, which-- except for this brief excursion-- is in the trash. And okay tbh I would have actually been a little bit intrigued to see what the ‘New America’ would have been like with the COGS in command? I mean it’s not like the current governing body is doing a particularly stellar job.... plus I always really liked Julia Chang and Agent Valentine... and we all know Weller is a great leader. Too bad he and Keaton couldn't have included those two ladies in their little escape plan tho, that would have been a badass team. But obviously we have no idea who is Sandstorm here and who isn't. It's interesting that Weller chose to trust Keaton-- like could he really be sure Keaton wasn't one of them? Though I guess Keaton nearly lost a daughter through his involvement with one of the tattoos, so that makes him being Sandstorm fairly unlikely. And he had Jane for months, so surely he would have just taken her to Shepherd. Anyway lol I love that Keaton practically has to run to keep up with Weller's long, determined strides. And when Keaton is slowing him down with questions etc, Weller’s all like SHUT UP AND MOVE, I GOTTA GET BACK TO MY TEAM. And ugh Keaton, bless you you little jerk: "Your team, or Jane?" Um, why not both?? He can care about both. But lbr mostly Jane tho. But omg I love Weller's 'excuse u??' face as Keaton is calling him out on basically not trusting anyone-- except for Jane, despite everything that’s happened. Uhhh, it's because he looooves her, idiot. And he's kinda sorta almost sure she loves him too. Maybe. Hopefully. Which is all the more reason to get back to her so he can find out. And lol he just shuts down the conversation and continues looking for a phone and Keaton just like rolls his eyes and follows haha. Oh Keaton, you’re a pile of trash but you’re our pile of trash

Ughhhhhhh now Jane is wandering in Weller's office, leaving him yet another in what is obviously a string of voicemails. Like I wonder when she started calling? I assume this is in the morning after the attacks, so he's probably been gone a max of like ten to twelve hours so far. Like I wonder if she called him sometime last night-- maybe she couldn't sleep and just wanted to hear his voice?? But she couldn't get through-- presumably bc he was on a plane or in a meeting or something-- so she just called a couple of times just to listen to his voice on the voicemail message. And eventually she drifts off to sleep, expecting to wake to a message from him-- except there's nothing, and so she calls again, the worry starting to set in. And now here she is, leaving another message, admitting that she's worried about him. It's only been a matter of hours since they were together but already it's so hard for her to be separated from him. And then ugh she's standing over his desk, staring at it like she’s trying to make him appear behind it, when ooooh the new director appears. Tbh I like her instantly-- that soft Southern accent, her genuine consideration of Jane's wellbeing, her tininess but clear boss-attitude... I feel like she’s going to be good for the team. And then ugh Jane immediately asks her about Weller and ughhhh my baby is so worrieddddd about her maaannnn. And then omg Hirst acknowledges that Nas' deal made Jane practically a prisoner-- so glad to hear someone other than Roman pointing this out! And aww she offers her her freedom, and the ability to go anywhere in the world-- and so where does Jane's mind immediately go with those words? To her dream of her future life with Kurt, together and happy, of course. Good lord, Gero, how did you just hit me so hard with literally like two seconds of footage?? And then ugh "I'm a part of this team". I want to cry because it’s so true; Jane belongs here, and she knows it. Bc lbr, Nas' deal might have made her a prisoner of sorts, but this is Jane. If Jane wanted to go, she could have escaped. Jane CHOSE to be right where she is. I do love Hirst's concern though; she sees Jane as a person who deserves to choose her own path, telling her that she needs to ask herself what she truly wants. And oooohhh yeahhhhh you just know that this is going to be a big theme of the episode, with Jane knowing what her instinctive answer is but not knowing if she can actually have it....

Lol at the little tech coming up to talk to Big Boss Patterson-- who is like an old, battle-weary sergeant now, the kind who walks with a limp and stares off into space puffing a cigar as they make vague, trailing statements about 'back before the war...'. But anyhow, the tech tells her about the explosives testing, and Patterson guesses correctly what was used and is all "I know my plastic explosives" and blows the tech's mind a lil bit. God, all of her staff must have such a crush on her. Except maybe Stuart, who is too busy being terrified. Poor boy. And then Jane comes to her and offers to help, but Patterson shuts her down a little bit, grimly telling her it's already over-- but then she sees Jane's face and shakes herself out of it, because Jane doesn't deserve her jagged edges right now. Jane has gone through every step of this right there beside her, going through the same hell she has. And ugh I love the way she softens and apologises and then Jane reaches out to her about whether she would leave or stay, given the choice-- and ughhh I can’t deal with the way Jane is looking at her, like she's desperately hoping to hear that she should stay, that she's wanted, that Patterson knows the team would hate to see her leave-- but instead Patterson just tells her she deserves to do what she wants. Which is also true, but also carefully on the fence, without nudging her one way or the other. And then ughhhhhh “What if this is what I want?”, because it is. She may have ended up here through means outside her control, but this is home. This is where she has a purpose, where she has a family. Where she belongs. But Patterson challenges her on it, and she's kinda right; Jane doesn't know anything else. And I think Patterson would hate it if Jane were to stay-- to give up all other possibilities of a happy life-- purely because this was comfortable or she was scared or felt obligated to stay. And on one hand I'm surprised by Patterson's blunt attitude, and the way it seems like she's pushing Jane to go-- but she just wants her to be SURE. She wants her to fully think things through, to know that their little team-- their little world-- may not always stay the same forever. Reade may soon be gone, and Weller does have a baby on the way, one that he might decide he wants to be closer to, now that their battle with Sandstorm is over. Plus they have no idea what direction Hirst will take the team in. And ughhhh I just want to hug Jane, because she was hoping for reassurance and instead only feels more lost, especially at the thought of Weller leaving. Oh, honey. Just because Patterson MIGHT turn out to be right doesn't mean you should give up on the things you want... And ugh Patterson herself looks dejected and so tired and ugh my babies let me wrap you up in blankets and cuddle you foreverrrrr

I find it hilarious that Weller and Keaton have been able to just wander freely around this top-secret bunker without any army dudes trying to stop them. Tbh I thought they'd be a little more supervised? And they find an old rotary-dial telephone (man I remember using one of those) and a large transmitter thingie which Keaton conveniently knows how to use. Handy. Good work letting him tag along, Weller. And then of course he immediately calls Patterson, who kinda wastes a little time by being confused by the area code-- this is not the time, girl! Also lol good thing she's not like me, and actually answers her phone for unknown numbers. But then aaahhh he's telling her that Phase 2 isn't over and then BAM Keaton nearly gets shot in the head. Excuse you, beardy guy, but no one is allowed to hurt our Keaton but us! And then ugh New Beardy is Sandstorm (sigh, of course, I mean he’s literally directly from their mold) and is about to execute them both when Keaton distracts him just enough for Weller to throw the phone at his head. God I love watching Weller throw things at people. Also lol good thing the cord was long enough to reach... And oooh now it's two-on-one and I'm actually really enjoying watching Keaton and Weller fight together. Just for today, they are 100% on the same team and they will have each other's backs. Also I find it ironic that Weller saves Keaton from being choked to death? Ah, how things change... (Doesn't mean he wouldn't still let his wifey beat the crap out of you though, Keaton). And well, at least now they have a keycard to escape with? Literally though I have so many questions about what's going to happen once they're outside. Like, isn't this some deserted mountain fortress that Weller had to fly to get to? Won't they be surrounded by army dudes?? But no matter, bc no force in the world could stop Weller from getting back to Jane. Ain't no mountain high, ain’t no valley low...

Awwww Reade is still in his bloody clothes-- he's sat by Zapata's bed all night. My baaabies. And ugh the moment she wakes she's like “Did we get Shepherd?/This isn't over" and tbh idk how she knows (gut feeling?) but she's right. And I so wish we got to see her response when Reade got the call from Patterson, telling him what Weller said? And ugh now the team-- or what's left of it, just the three of them-- is in the bullpen, desperately trying to figure out what's about to happen. And ugh Jane immediately wants to find and rescue Weller, but surprisingly it's Reade who steps up (trying to do Dad proud, lbr) and says they'll focus on Sandstorm instead, just as Weller would want. And ugh together they realise that yesterday's bombings prompted a huge security meeting today a the White House, where many government bigwigs will be attending-- just like they do after every major attack. The perfect way to wipe out the whole government is by getting them all in the same room. And then ugh again Reade takes it on himself to be fill-in Weller, giving the orders and going to brief Hirst. Makes sense, given that Patterson is far too important and busy to play messenger haha, and Jane doesn't quite have the FBI cred yet. And ugh good thing the two ladies are left to work together bc they figure out that the explosives Sandstorm used are also rocket fuel, and luckily they know just the person to question about it. It's a good throwback to the last Rich episode, bringing back the Riley guy that we have already known is linked to Sandstorm. And the team is intimidating the shit out of him in the conference room, working hard to break him, when suddenly the SIOC elevators open, and Weller and Keaton step out, fresh from their great escape. Man, I so wish we got to see the particulars of that adventure. I bet it was badass. Or maybe it involved just a bit of badass action as they stole an army jeep, but then got kind of embarrassingly dull as they had to roadtrip together in silence back to NYC. Ah, the awkwardness. But anyhow Jane immediately sees Weller-- lbr, she's been keeping half an eye on that elevator all day-- and ugh I can’t deal with the way she says his name, initially in disbelief, then more loudly as she realises she's not seeing things, that he's really there. And ughhhhhhh kill me now because she legit runs across the bullpen, breath escaping in a relieved little laugh, and literally throws her arms around his neck and holds onto him tightly and ughhh he never got any of her messages so it's almost a surprise to him that she's so relieved to see him, and ughhh since their kiss last night it's like one more wall has crumbled from between them-- I mean, before that kiss she wouldn't have dared to be so open in leaving him worried messages or throwing herself into his arms in the middle of the bullpen but now this is how they are, this is them, (lol Patterson and Reade must be like 'well this is new... but not at all surprising' haha) and ugh he holds her close and they rock a little (rude) and ughhh the little puppy-whimper noise she lets out just kills me. And the way she shakes her head a little to clear it, like she's trying to steady herself, and her "I thought you were..." and ughhhh it kills me so much that she would have had to acknowledge the possibility that he was dead, that getting the message out to them had cost him his life, and she would never see him again... and ugh he assures them (her) that he's alright and gets straight to business. I love that when he calls Keaton over (who, lbr, was probably standing over there shaking his head like 'be more in love with each other I dare you'), Jane is all 'wtf??' and I kinda love that she literally didn't even notice that one of her arch-nemeses was only a few yards away bc til now she had been able to see nothing but Weller. And ugh I wish we got to see Weller's face here, because her eyes barely leave his even as Keaton approaches and ugh I bet he gives her this apologetic look and little nod and it's enough for her; she will always hate Keaton but she trusts Kurt, trusts that he wouldn't ever bring someone like him near her unless it was unavoidable, and ugh our babies are reunited and that’s all that mattersssss

So the team heads back to the lab, joined by their new members-- that cool aunt who is all ladylike and lovely on the surface but will literally beat someone's ass into the dirt and dispose of the body if they dared lay a finger on you, and that awkward cousin who has always been kind of an asshole in order to cover up his insecurities, but has grown up a bit and now is actually trying to be less of a shitbag-- and their focus turns to the last remaining pieces of the puzzle: the still-unused guidance chip, and Shepherd herself. Jane mentions that Shepherd was in Thailand the week before, putting Keaton in the spotlight when he explains that the CIA picked up intel on nuclear material being stolen-- leading to a little squabble between the kids until Aunty Hirst steps in and puts her probably-cowboy-booted foot down. Weller pairs Reade with Keaton, which isn't exactly a deliberate punishment on Reade but hey, two birds one stone. Patterson is tasked to keep finding info to use on Riley. Jane doesn't get given a specific job, but turns and leaves when all the others do-- I guess she assumed Weller would be heading out as well? I'm just surprised she didn't wait for him, tbh. Though maybe Keaton's presence just has her on edge. More likely tho, it was just a choice by the show’s director to have Jane conveniently out of the room for the upcoming conversation. Weller's so cute, literally checking that everyone is gone before asking Patterson about Hirst. And ugh bless my baby's heart, she gives a concise assessment of Hirst (’maverick’ is an interesting choice of term; you wouldn't think someone would get to her level by playing outside the rules) and then tells Weller that she's going to release Jane. And oooohh my boy gets his crinkly face on because ??Wifey is leaving??? Does not compute??? And ugh the stunned look on his face and the disbelieving 'why??' just kill me because he's literally reeling from this news, unable to even process how it could be happening when they had just finally found their way back to each other and ugh he must be wondering if it was the kiss, aka him, that somehow sparked her decision and ugh my poor boy is so distressed-- and then Patterson is all 'well yeah I kinda told her to go' and ooooh big bro is NOT PLEASED. How dare his little sis do this?? But ugh she calls him Kurt (literally has she ever called him that before?? Bc if she has I don't remember) and oooohhh she drops the truth bomb on him that Jane didn't choose this life (I think he forgets that sometimes? Like to him Jane is just such an intrinsic part of the team and what they do, that he forgets that she came to them through less-than-voluntary circumstances), and she suggests if he's got something to say to Jane he should do it now, allowing her to make her decision with all the facts. OOOOHHHH, TEN MILLION POINTS TO PATTERSON. This kind of forceful Jeller-encouragement almost makes up for all the Jeller-interrupting she's done in the past year haha. Almost. Now go on Weller, listen to your lil sis....

Aww poor Zapata is not having an easy time sitting on the sidelines. I feel you, girl. And then she realises from Reade's tone on the phone that something else is going on, and she'll be damned if she's not going to be there with her team for it. Also lol she rips out her drip and somehow it doesn’t bleed at all. Mmm-hmmm, sure. I see no flaws in this whatsoever. But god, the local hospitals really must dread having these guys as patients, because they literally never do what they're told haha

Oh, so this is why Weller didn't give Jane a task like the others. They both already knew that they would be going in to finish interrogating Riley together. Jane was probably already waiting outside the interview room for him when he showed up, wondering what had delayed him in the lab and why he looked somewhat shaken all of a sudden. And of course she would have asked him if everything was alright, instantly knowing by just the tone of his reply that it wasn't but that they wouldn't be able to broach it until after this mission was done. Luckily Patterson has discovered that Riley's sister lives close enough to DC to be endangered by a nuclear attack, allowing them to get the truth out of him-- he launched a satellite for Shepherd. And well this seems like a big deal, especially considering Patterson literally sprints from her lab to confront Riley-- and oh the satellite will launch a glider that will head straight to DC. He thought it would just hit the white house, but instead it'll be aimed at the nuclear material, making things about a million times worse. The attack would wipe out the whole eastern seaboard, which would be very, very bad. Hold on, that also means that it will kill both Shepherd and Roman as well?? I mean, they're right there in DC with the truck, so unless they have a private jet, surely they don't have time to get to a safe distance? Lol I love when the team finds Zapata in the bullpen and she's all 'wait, there’s nukes??' and the boys are all YOU SHOULD BE IN HOSPITAL because they're Expert-Level Hypocrites haha. God I love her sass 'you two done mothering me?' and Weller's faaaace-- the poor man has been spoiled by Reade and Keaton's obedience today and keeps forgetting that he has zero control over his ladies haha. Also speaking of Keaton, he is SUPER quick to offer to brief Zapata, and ugh I love how annoyed and disgusted she is to see him there. Glad Jane has someone on her side with this haha. And then Keaton's all 'I used to fly jets/ oh the domestic drone program is upstairs' and ugh she is so done with him already and it's been like ten seconds. I love her. And he seems to just like her more for it, and oh buddy, you don't stand a chance. Just give up now (also aren’t you married??). Then in retaliation for her bad behaviour, Weller partners them while the others try to hide their smirks. Keaton is naturally pleased, while you can literally almost feel Zapata's eyes rolling lol. Clearly ready to be out of there, Weller all but grabs Jane and heads to the elevator to catch their plane-- I mean, they're the best partnership the FBI has, and if they fail, at least they die together-- completely cutting Patterson off when she suggests saying their goodbyes. Come on, Patterson, you know big bro doesn't deal with either emotions or the prospect of failure well. Still, I bet Jane totally looked back and gave them all a sad little wave before following him, because while she's ready to die beside him, she hates the thought of leaving her team-- her family-- behind ugh

Ughhh Zapata and Keaton scanning DC with drones looking for the nuclear stuff is so funny-- he tries to mansplain it to her and she's all ‘YEP FULLY AWARE THANKS’ and ugh she calls him Jake which is kinda funny, since being part of the 'team' means getting called by your last name (Jane is a special case because everyone knew her last name would be Weller too one day) and so it's like she's deliberately degrading him a little and reminding him he's not one of the club. And ugh he persists (bc of course he does) and asks how she's doing and tells her he admires her and asks her to work for the CIA and ooooohhhhh buddy. Don't you know your predecssor tried this same thing, and ended up dead a short time later? In an unrelated incident, but still. Asking her to go over to the CIA is like asking a die-hard sports fan to convert to their arch-rival team. Not gonna happen. She'll be carrying that FBI badge til the day she dies, bucko. (Which will hopefully be man, many years in the future btw)

Aaaahhh the plane. Jeller on a plane. I'm having very pleasant flashbacks of hearteyes and handholding rn, so I’m crossing my fingers for more of the same. Poor Jane, though; she clearly still does not like planes at all. She looks so uncomfortable haha. And Weller does too, but for a completely different reason: "Patterson told me that you're thinking of leaving". And oh my godddddd this conversation is killing me because they're both idiots who are operating completely on assumptions; like Weller is trying to be a good guy and support her right to live life how she chooses, because he already believes she'll leave-- bc why stay with damaged goods like him when she now has the whole world at her feet?-- and she thinks his encouragement is because he believes she should go, and ugh she puts out feelers, trying to gauge his mindset, talking about maybe California and then asking him about Colorado, and ugh she encourages him to take a spot in Denver because she wants him to be happy and ughhhhh you idiots, just SAY WHAT YOU REALLY FEEL, WHICH IS THAT YOU BOTH WANT TO STAY BY EACH OTHER'S SIDE FOREVER AND EVER AND NEVER LEAVE EACH OTHER EVER. (Also known as marriage. Just put a damn ring on it already jfc). But ugh instead there's this soft little moment where they acknowledge that they're both allowed to be happy, and again you dumb children each keep assuming that the other means going their separate ways but actually literally means the exact opposite. GAWD STOP TRYING TO SPEAK IN SUBTEXT AND JUST SAY WHAT YOU MEAN. AND THEN GET SOME MILE-HIGH JELLER LOVIN' HAPPENING LIKE LITERALLY YOU'RE ON A LUXURY JET ALONE WITH THE PERSON YOU LOVE AND IT MIGHT LITERALLY BE YOUR LAST DAY ON EARTH LIKE WHY ARE YOU WASTING THIS OPPORTUNITY I DON’T UNDERSTAND

Thankfully, I have Patterson and her sass (dissing Riley) to make me feel better haha. And then the NASA people arrive and she's all 'hey I know barely anything about this but'-- *poses incredible, literally-out-of-this-world theory and is met with well deserved awe and admiration* haha. Also lol Eileen "Oh that is not to scale" hahahahaaa. I love having Reade and Hirst represent the viewers who are all sitting here like me going 'yes.. spaceships will save them. Mmm-hmmm I totally understand everything that is happening right now. Spaceships.' lol. And speaking of genius ladies, Zapata realises that Shepherd has hidden the nuclear stuff in something lead-lined (just watch Keaton's crush growing ever larger lol), leading to her finding Shepherd's location and giving it to Weller and Jane, who are now firmly on the ground, right in the danger zone. Man, I wish we got to see more of that car ride from the airport. I know Weller is very anti-goodbyes rn, but I feel like Jane would have wanted to say something? Though then again she's probably decided she'll hold it in right until she's sure they're done for, then confess everything to him. Meanwhile he's probably thinking the same, because they are a pair of idiots who like to torment me with their inability to use words properly when it comes to literally any emotion that’s not anger

So Shepherd and Roman are hanging in the truck, then she sends him to kill a couple of cops who are likely just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Well, this is certainly reminding me of this season's premiere. Also I totally bet Roman is wearing gloves because of Luke's injury. Seriously tho dude you can't walk towards cops with a knife in your hand and not expect to get shot??? (Oh wait, that's right, you're white. Nvm.)

Meanwhile the supergeniuses in the bullpen have hit a rather apocalyptic snag-- the launch sequence for the glider has already started, and there's no way to hack it in time. Well, shit. Patterson yet again comes up with an idea, suggesting using the mini spaceship to push against the satellite and stop if from getting to its firing location, giving them more time. Good on you, lil Patterson-spaceship. Good luck against Shaquille O'Neal haha.

Aarghhh Weller and Jane and their band of merry men have caught up to Shepherd, and ohhh this makes me nervous. Aaaand yep, a bunch of Sandstorm dudes just came out of nowhere, taking out pretty much everyone but Weller and Jane before being taken down themselves. So now it's very much a family affair; daughter and son-in-law vs mother and brother. And ugh have I mentioned lately how much I love how in sync these two are?? The way they move, the way they communicate-- they really are the FBI elite. And then surprise, a wild Shepherd appears, giving us another Jane/Shepherd showdown-- which lbr Shepherd was def about to win before Jane's hubby showed up and shot her haha. Ah, this gives me such satisfaction. So on one hand, yay, they've got Shepherd-- but on the other, everything has just gone to hell anyway because the glider just launched, giving them thirty minutes until impact and no way to hack it. It's headed for a homing beacon, and I love that when Weller comes up with the idea cloning it and sending it after a fake one, Patterson's already in the middle of doing just that haha. Jane's convinced that Shepherd has the beacon, and Weller pats her down for like three seconds before being like 'I can't find it' haha. I'm so surprised by that Weller, I mean you were so thorough?? Anyway Keaton and Zapata find a railroad tunnel that they could get the truck to which would prevent a lot of the effect of the blast-- but even if they get it there, they won't make it back. And ughhhhh the heavy silence in the bullpen and the way Jane and Weller are staring at each other... this is too much. I can't deal. And then Weller tells Jane to stay, that he'll take the truck, and ughhhh her voice is all thick as she fiercely tells him that she's not letting him go alone and ughhhhh she would rather die by his side than live without him, and he would rather die alone so that she could live. Either way, I'm already dead because these two have killed me. Goodbye, world. And then ughhhh Patterson has tears in her eyes as she tells them they both have to go. They have to find the homing beacon and destroy it, while also getting the truck as far away as possible. They accept that like champs, because this thing is far bigger than just their own lives. So Weller has Jane drive, saving her from having to deal with Shepherd, while Patterson reprograms an app and sends it to him to use as a bug-sweeper. Man, she is amazeballs. Remember how screwed this team (and the world) would be without her? Also Keaton and Zapata have rejoined the rest in the bullpen, and ugh what an intense situation to be in, all of them there, just (for the most part) watching helplessly as the seconds tick down to Armageddon. I think some of the randoms in the back are on the phone and I totally identify with that. Personally I'd be on the phone to my mum lol

Speaking of moms, Shepherd is waxing poetic over Weller, talking about how great he is, and ummmm lady it's weird to have a crush on your son-in-law. And then he realises that Shepherd swallowed the beacon, and literally whips out a knife-- but hold up, son, what’re you doing? Like yes, you could actually cut her open and try to fish it out. I mean, circumstances ARE dire, but still... and also you know how much gastrointestinal tract there is?? If she swallowed it hours ago it would be well into her intestines by now, and trust me, that junk ain't easy to fish around in. But that's about to become a moot point, because Jane and Roman are playing the world's most intense game of chicken, and dear lord what even is this. Like he knows that he is in a car, right? One that's a hell of a lot smaller than a freakin' reinforced truck?? And ughhh she saw him there in the driver’s seat. She knew it was him, and did it anyway, because she had to. She couldn't let her love for her brother cost so many lives. Too bad the impact knocked her out. And ugh poor Patterson dials back in (since their comms had been off coz they messed with the bug-sweeper) only to hear Weller groaning out Jane's name, clearly injured. God, it would be awful being in that bullpen right now, so completely unable to help. And ugh Weller pulls a shard of metal out of his leg, and dammit son do you not remember ANY first aid skills?? Leave it in, you idiot! I mean it's too far to the outer side to have hit the femoral artery or vein, but that doesn't mean there aren't plenty of other very bleedy vessels in there just waiting to spurt all over the place. Gah. And ugh both Zapata and Patterson are in tears as they tell him he has to get up and keep looking bc they only have two minutes until the glider hits the point of no return. Damn, that half hour went fast. And ugh he tells them that Shepherd swallowed it and they all look so stunned and desolate, like they're out of options. But Weller has one more idea, and it's a shocking one. (Yes, I did just wink at my screen just then. You’re being winked at. Jsyk.). Meanwhile Jane regains consciousness and immediately calls Weller's name, and ugh never mind about the nuclear bomb, these two are definitely going to be the death of me first. She's trying to get to him when Roman attacks her-- damn, son, are your bones made of admantium or something?? And now it's two epic showdowns-- brother versus sister, and Weller + defibrillator versus Shepherd + beacon. And for a second I'm actually legitimately stunned bc I think Weller must know that his plan will very possibly kill him too-- after all, they're both kneeling on the same metal surface, which WILL CONDUCT ELECTRICITY-- but wait nope apparently this is TV science and therefore Weller is unaffected haha. Mmmkay. It doesn't work anyway, and ugh my baby Patterson can barely speak through her tears as she tells him so. He tries again, partly bc what other option does he have, and partly bc he just wanted to hurt Shepherd for doing this to them all, and this time it works, with the decoy beacon taking over right at the last moment and sending the glider harmlessly into the ocean. And ugh the celebration in the bullpen is like the most adorable thing ever-- honestly I recommend pausing this scene a few times and looking at everyone's reactions haha. My personal fave is Hirst. And ugh Patterson tells Weller it worked and he tells her she did a ‘nice job’ (understatement of the year haha) and ughhhhh this lil familyyyyyyyy

Speaking of families though, Jane and Roman are still battling it out, and Jane is absolutely winning, bc of course she is. She was always the stronger one, in every way. And ugh she has her gun on him and he yells at her to do it, to kill him, but she won't, she can't. And Weller hears his shout, instantly realising what's happening, and drags his exhausted and bleeding body up off the floor because he needs to protect Jane. Not necessarily from Roman, but from having to make a choice that would break her. Noble thought, buddy, but I think you'll find standing up is a lot harder than being on the floor. Your body ain't gonna like it. (Mine doesn't even on the best of days haha). And ugh Jane lowers the gun and lets Roman go, because she can't kill him. It's the same as in 2x01 when she could easily have shot Weller, but didn't. She loves them and could never hurt either of them. And ugh Weller tries to jump down from the truck to give chase, but I told you buddy, your body ain't made for the vertical plane right now. So he literally falls at her feet, rapidly losing consciousness (bet you wish you'd left that damn spiky thing in now, huh??) and ugh she's so panicked because she has no idea what happened in there or what his injuries are and she's all 'say something!' and so he uses his last ounce of strength to tell her not to move to California, to stay with him instead... and that he loves her. Literally if he'd died of these wounds, his very last words would have been 'I love you'. Honestly sometimes this ship makes me want to scream. And by ‘sometimes’, I mean ALL OF THE DAMN TIME. And ugh I'm going to ignore the rather unflattering camera shot lol (poor Sully haha) and focus instead on Jane's face, because for a woman who has already been through hell like eighteen different ways, she looks like she's on the verge of a breakdown rn because he loves her and he might be dying and I'm not even sure if she heard what was happening over the comms before or not-- hell it might have been knocked out of her ear during her fight-- and so she might not even know if the attack is still about to happen or not and ugh this is just a lot for my poor precious girl to deal with rn. Though I'm sure she gets her shit together pretty quick and gets Patterson to send an ambulance bc no way is she letting him leave her now, or ever, and lbr she goes with him when they take him, staying by his side with her hand around his-- whispering I love yous into his ear that he'll later think he only dreamed he heard-- right until he's taken into surgery, and only then allowing anyone to patch her up while anxiously waiting for news. Hirst arrives just a little later, allowing Jane to sit at his bedside for a few hours while he sleeps, and while Hirst deals with Shepherd and the nukes and everything else, then she eventually returns to make Jane take the plane back with her so she can give her full statement at the NYO. And even with the threat to her life now over, she sleeps in the cell again, calling the hospital for regular updates overnight, heart thudding painfully when the nurses tell her that he's been muttering her name in his sleep. The next afternoon, she knows when he's been discharged, knows that he'll come straight to the NYO once his flight lands-- and knows that she can't face him. Not there, where so many eyes will be on them, where she'll be forced to hold back how she feels. So she goes to Hirst, who understands, and who tells everyone she needs to go to medical for an assessment. Instead she goes back to the safehouse, sits on the couch, and lets herself cry. Cry about it all finally being over, cry about losing Roman, about almost losing Kurt-- and then finally when she can breathe again she pushes herself up and goes to shower and dress, immediately picking the red blouse, because during that scavenger hunt red had been their colour, the thing that marked them as trusted partners, and she wants him to see it and know that she’s in this, that their fates really are forever intertwined, that he is hers and she is his.

In the meantime, though, Weller arrives back at the NYO, steeling himself as the elevator doors begin to open. He remembers what he said, and he knows Jane heard it-- and possibly everyone on the comms, too. And then ugh the doors open and they're all there cheering for him and for a split second his eyes look for Jane-- hoping to see her right there at the front with the team-- but she's not there and Reade is already approaching him and so he goes with it and hugs his people-- ugh I love the way that each hug is different; Reade's is a congratulatory, dude-you-scored-the-home-run happy kinda hug, Patterson's is a little more tender and sisterly, while Zapata's her usual sarcastic-but-secretly-softhearted self and jokes about not being that worried about him, even though they both know she was. And ugh the happy grin on her face as she grips him tight for a moment is just so sweet. And ugh Weller telling them all how glad he is to see them and ugh he's just so totally their dad. For everyone outside the main team, he's Work-Dad, and ugh he's so proud of his lil secret agents. But even so, he's had a moment to look around now, searching the crowd, looking for one face in particular, and it's not there. He's barely even finished acknowledging all these people-- let alone started on the obligatory big speech-- and he's already asking for her. He may have had reservations before about being too open in his feelings for Jane (FYI, everyone could see it anyway, buddy) but now he literally does not care one bit who knows it. Good old Hirst quickly reassures him that she's fine-- because give him even the slightest indication that something might be wrong and he'll rip those stitches right out as he goes running after her-- and uses the medical excuse (after all, that's what she's been telling everybody), and then gets him back on track with the whole, you know, saving the day thing, and ugh now work-dad is giving his speech and ugh he's so good at it and ughhh even I'm feeling validated on their behalf rn, so I'm so happy for them haha. Also lol I love that little twirly hand gesture thing he does, bc thanks to instagram we now know that's totally a Sully thing and it just makes me giggle okay

Oooooh Shepherd is in the fancy magical MRI lie detector, and ugh again another ridiculously unrealistic needle is being given. Find an actual vein, guys, don't just stab it into the elbow! Sigh. And she's acting all tough with Keaton, bc lbr, he may be a torturer but he's still kinda lame? But then Nas walks in, and Shepherd looks like she's pooping her pants. On one hand I'm excited for the intel they'll get from her and for Nas to finally get her revenge-- but on the other, I still worry about Nas' trustworthiness and what she might do with the knowledge she gains. But I guess we'll see...

Lol Zapata is so cute, bringing Weller the newspaper about Riley's arrest. Yep, being a government agent sure is a thankless job. But then, Weller would never want the limelight anyway. Kinda reminds me of that scene in Kingsman where Colin Firth's office walls are covered in the front pages of newspapers on days where he's prevented some huge disaster, with the lead stories always being something completely inane. I love that Weller's first question is to see how she's going. Ugh, he just cares so much. I also really like that Audrey is having her injured arm hanging limply at her side-- finally, someone on the team actually continuing to look visibly injured! Though I'd prefer her in a sling. And in hospital. But whatevs. And ugh she asks about Roman, because of course she has to know. She's had a thing against him (or for him?? I’m still hopeful lol) from day one. And ugh his words are almost a warning when he tells her to read the report, that Jane didn't have the shot. He's telling her that that's the only answer that there will ever be to that question, that there would be no more arguing or questioning or digging. His loyalty is with Jane, and therefore Roman is off limits. Ughhhhh such a good hubbyyyyy

Meanwhile in the lab, Patterson already has the booze waiting (ugh, again on the touchscren?? How could you??) and there are only three glasses... looks like it's just the Three Amigos tonight. And Reade gets there an ugh they both just look so exhausted and then she's all 'what now' and surprisingly Reade has apparently decided that this is where he belongs-- Quantico is forgotten, and he's already ready to take his next stand with the team. But Patterson isn't, and oh god the way she just crumbles and ughhhhh our baby has been so strong for so long and now she just can't do it anymore. Ugh can she at least just have a holiday? Let them all go to some tropical island and be served drinks by handsome dudes (or in Reade's case, beautiful ladies) and just unwind. And ughhh Reade looks exactly how a loving big brother always does when his little sister cries-- incredibly dismayed and at a loss for what to do. A moment later Zapata appears to back him up, though looks taken aback herself to find out that Patterson-- their indefatigable little genius machine-- is falling apart. And ugh Reade has recovered enough to give a reassuring speech-- "this job takes everything” sounds very reminiscent of S1 Weller's outburst at Sarah-- and ugh who would have thought that Edgar Reade, recent Human Disaster and near-deserter, would be the one holding the team together now?? 'It gives us a way to fight back. It gives us family. It gives us hope.' and ugh if that isn't the heart of this show, I don't know what is. Unless it's Zapata's loving snark: "Is that right, Quantico?" hahaha. She may be sarcastic, but then again she just made Patterson laugh when a minute ago she was near-breakdown. I mean I just love this family so much??? They are just so perfect together and ugh they make a toast to family and I am overwhelmed

Speaking of family, they're now all gathered at Weller’s-- tho he's out on the balcony in a moment that's very reminiscent of 1x01, undoubtedly thinking about Jane, and his confession, and the future, and lots of stuff that is definitely far too heavy for a celebratory get-together, so he pulls himself together and joins the others, who are laughing and relaxed and lounging around his apartment like it's their own. Remember when none of them had ever even been there, and now it seems like they're hanging out there every other week?? FAMILYYYY. And ughhh Patterson looks so much lighter and happier and dude I agree with Weller-- I wanna know what they were laughing about? But alas we'll never know bc all of a sudden Jane appears, letting herself in without knocking bc of course she does, it's practically her apartment now too, and ughhhh look at her excited lil face and the lil wave she does and lbr Weller has literally forgotten the other three even exist bc rn all he sees is her, and he walks toward her with this slightly awed but also questioning look, like he can barely believe she's really there, and then "I didn't think you were coming"-- bc you just know he probably tried to call her or at least send her a message but couldn't get hold of her, so he'd already half-convinced himself that she was already pulling away from them all, or even right at that moment getting ready to head to California, and ugh when she asks to talk to him outside you can just see the apprehension that spreads across his face and for a split second he can’t even force himself to move because he thinks this is it, this is goodbye, and god he can't do it but he knows he has to and so he forces his feet to move, following after her-- but seriously he's so busy freaking out that he doesn't even register the air of nervous excitement that's literally radiating from her or the way she glances back to make sure he's following, or the eager light in her eyes as she turns to him and draws in a deep breath-- and dude, c’mon. This is not the face of someone who is about to drop a rejection and a goodbye in the same sentence. This is the face of someone at the very top of the rollercoaster, who is simultaneously terrified of the drop but also feeling more exhilarated and alive than they ever have before, and who is SO READY to tip over the edge and take the plunge. And then she takes that deep breath and begins "So they told me I could go anywhere..." and omg. She's literally rehearsed this. Jane Doe is using a ~line~ on Kurt Weller. She's literally paused for dramatic effect, letting him imagine all the very far-away places she might choose. And now here it comes: "...But this is where I wanna be." BAM. Damn, girl, I am so proud of you. From the girl who made that super awkward dinner invitation to Oliver however many weeks ago, this was so smooth. And then aaaahhhh the fear on his face just disappears (melted by the sunbeams of PURE LOVE that are shining from his eyes) and he gives the lil Kurt Weller smirky-smirk and then she does the bravest thing she's ever done and tells him she loves him back and ughhhhh just look at these two idiots?? She's already trying to find the words to follow that confession (words? what are words??) and he just gives a little shake of his head-- because she loves him and that's all he's ever needed to hear-- and steps forward and just. CLAIMS HIS WOMAN. And well I guess the background music is pretty damn fitting, given that the main lyric is "I wanna make out with you". Can't get much more accurate than that. Also lol since that song is technically "playing" in his apartment, does that mean he chose it? Did he literally make an entire spotify playlist full of subliminal messages just in case Jane came to the party? Like just imagine if she'd come inside instead of talking to him out in the hall, and then as he hands her a drink he comments very pointedly on really liking this song, that it has good lyrics, and then Jane listens for a second and then stares at him and then they immediately find an excuse to go out on the balcony or to the nursery and maaaake ouuuuttt. But of course this way is much better than that anyway, with the two of them FINALLY ON THE SAME PAGE, grinning at each other and making out in the hallway like a pair of TEENAGERS who have no concept of PEEPHOLES. Because you KNOW that at least one of the others witnessed this whole thing through that little spy-hole-- I mean let's be real, when Jeller walk back into the apartment (trying to play it cool and completely failing haha), literally none of the others are where they were when Jane arrived? Reade is now sitting with his back to the door, wearing his jacket and a ruefully amused expression, Patterson is standing way around the other side of the counter from where she was before, grinning and playing with her fingers like she just can't keep still, and Tasha's standing near her-- tbh my main bet for the one spying on them would be Peeping Patterson, though I can't rule out Zapata joining her at the doorway and giving a sniggering play-by-play for (a thoroughly unwilling) Reade before the two of them scurry back to the kitchen when Jeller are about to head inside. And then speaking of our happy couple, the two of them have literally barely stepped into the apartment (Weller opens the door for her ugh, having to lean in close to her to do so, which is such a little thing but kills me so much) and immediately Reade is all like 'wooop, gotta go, some never aforementioned bro needs help with some unspecified thing' and bails (also ughhh I never noticed the little grin he and Weller share for a split second right as he passes him?? Ugh someone save me from this familyyyy) and then Zapata's all 'yep, gotta go with him, no possible way for me to get home in NYC except with Reade, nope not at all' and follows him out, and oh my precious supergenius Patterson is just all 'no way am I third-wheeling you two after a year of pent-up UST so I am going to go literally anywhere else' lol and ugh she tells them to have fun and that she'll see them sometime, pretty much implying that she doesn't expect them to emerge from their sex-romp for quite some time and omg I can't even imagine what it's like to be in a situation where your friends literally... uh, what's the opposite of cockblock?... for you? It's awkward but not, and oh god Weller's breathy little 'and... goodbye' and then ugh the stupid little grins they exchange, like I look at her face and I can literally almost hear a Wild-West-era petticoated belle saying 'My, how are we ever going to pass the time?' while batting her eyelashes coyly at the cowboy and he gives his sly heartthrob smile and answers in a low drawl 'I have a few ideas, ma'am' and DON'T ASK ME WHY THIS JUST TURNED INTO SOME WILD WEST HARLEQUIN ROMANCE. I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER WHERE (OR WHEN) MY BRAIN GOES. But regardless, lbr here-- that was pretty much exactly the wordless conversation that was had (okay maybe sans accents), and Jane seems to very much approve of Weller's ideas, which involve a lot of making out and manhandling-- shoving her against a wall and then carrying her to bed and putting her down so delicately ughhhhhhhh-- paired with the enthusiastic removal of clothing haha. And you know what, while I'm in no way a particular supporter of the strobelight sex scene, the more I watch it (errr... for scientific reasons of course), the more I find it cute rather than ridiculous. Plus if you let your eyes go a tiny bit out of focus and don't try to look at any particular thing too closely, and instead just let it like wash over you, it's not that bad at all. I do love the sheer amount of grinning happening all throughout though-- remember how we all thought their first time would be so serious and emotional? Instead they are literally giggling like the idiots they are and I love it. Like can you literally give me an example of two happier people?? Didn’t think so. And ughhhhhh I'm just so happy for themmmm, our babies are finally together where they belongggggggggg aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Okay, so that's a cliff, and that's Jane climbing it... but there's too much hair. Way too much. Takes-months-and-months-to-grow kind of much. Also on one hand this is cool because I recently just got back into rockclimbing myself and I'm like DUDE SHE'S FREECLIMBING A FREAKIN' GIANT CLIFF WITH A BACKWARDS INCLINE and then it's like my excitement literally falls off a cliff of its own as the 'two years later' appears on the screen. God, I don't even know what my face must have looked like in this moment, but I am certainly well aware of my stomach abruptly dropping about five feet. Tbh to me a timejump is possibly the worst non-bad thing that can happen in a show??? Like it's not up there with people being killed off or anything, but... two freakin' years. Two years where anything could have happened, and two years full of events that we may never get to see. In some shows, that wouldn't really matter much. But when that two years includes your OTP's first morning together and subsequent canon-coupleness, losing two years feels like a punch to the gut and a spit in the face all at once. Like two years is pretty much double the span of the entire past two seasons. The only comfort I have right now is that this show does flashbacks so well, and possibly may continue them into S3, giving us little glimpses of Jeller and the team along the way. God, I hope so. Also my other problem with this timejump thing, I’m realising, is that we never got the resolution I was expecting with the whole Allie thing-- honestly, I was expecting her to die before ever having the baby (I know, I’m awful) and now that’s unlikely to be the case, meaning in this new future Weller has a toddler-aged child... and if you thought I was awful a second ago, prepare to think worse of me because I’m actually legitimately upset about it. I went through this whole season believing the pregnancy was either a lie or that it would somehow never eventuate, and I’m not dealing well with the now-inevitability of this child. I feel like this is going to be one of those canon details that just gets erased from my brain, tbh. Where’s that Nick Fury gif about ignoring the council’s stupid-ass decisions? Because that’s literally me rn. But anyhow, back to more important things than non-existent progeny, aka Jane and the cliff. To get to the top she literally has to climb out on an overhang and then up, and good lord this woman is a superhuman. And then she's at the top and I want Kurt to be waiting up there for her but lbr if he was here he would have climbed with her or at least forced her to use ropes and idk how but that climb also felt very much like a ~journey~ and oh this is so worrying. So worrying. And some cute monk lady approaches and tells her there's still longing in her eyes and Jane closes her eyes and looks away and oh no. No no no. Longing implies separation from the things you love. Help me, I am withering inside because whatever happened in those two years, somewhere along the way my babies were torn apart from one another. And Jane says she's climbed this mountain dozens of times-- but why? In search of inner peace? I can tell you right now you're not gonna find it without Kurt by your side, honey-- and ugh the monk lady tells her to go home and YES LISTEN TO HER BC YOU’VE ALREADY CLEARLY BEEN GONE FOR FAR TOO LONG and then "No, I can never go back"--- *insert agonized wails here because I don't have words for this* (Okay maybe I do: WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?????!???????!!!???!????????!?!!?????????!!!) and then ughhh soon after she's sitting alone in her little tent thing, sketching (how many pictures of Weller are there in that book?? I need to know immediately) and then the girl tells her she has a visitor and IN STEPS KURT WELLER. In a blue shirt, of all things, because of course he is. And wait did he literally just trek up a mountain to find her??? (Somewhere up in heaven, Marvin Gaye looks down approvingly for a second time this episode) And ugh she looks so stunned to see him, like she can't believe he's really there, really real, and for a couple of beats they just stare at each other and it's not clear whether she's terrified of his anger or if they parted on bad terms but then tears shine in his eyes and he drops his bag and she lets out a little whimper and literally throws herself into his arms and ughhhh they're holding each other so tight and he says he can't believe he 'finally' found her and she just holds him and presses her face to his neck and this is most definitely not a pair who parted on bad terms. This is two people who are still completely and utterly in love with one another and have been pulled apart by some external force and ugh this is simultaneously beautiful and awful. And then he gently but firmly pushes her away a little and admits, voice shaking, that he was scared for her-- because of course he was. All the people he's loved most in the world, he's lost (even Sarah and Sawyer moved away). And to be so far from her, to now know where she was or if she was okay... god, it would have near killed him. And she would have known that, which would have near-killed her. And ughhh she apologises over and over and he does that thing he does when he's trying not to cry, where his eyebrows draw together and he looks away and she tells him she can't explain, but why????? Literally what Bad Thing could exist that she couldn't tell the love of her life about??? And then she lowers her eyes, unable to meet his, and suddenly she chokes up even more and she says 'you're still wearing your ring' and I AM SCREAMING. WEDDING RING. ON WELLER'S FINGER. JANE BEING A COMBINATION OF HEARTBROKEN AND RELIEVED THAT HE'S STILL WEARING IT. JELLER ARE MARRIED. I REPEAT, JELLER ARE MARRIED. And ughhhhh he fiddles with it and just says 'yeah' and she looks like she's literally about two seconds from a complete breakdown. Oh god. Sometime in that two years, they literally got married. They planned on spending the whole rest of their lives together. And then SOMEONE (lookin' at you, Gero) forced Jane to leave. Because god knows she would never have left him willingly; only if she thought she had no other choice, and only to protect him. Ugh, I really, really hope they give us a good reason for this and not something that she should have just talked to him about and faced with him. Also uhh I've seen a strangely high number of people concerned that Weller is married to someone else??? Literally that would make zero sense, not only from the character perspective-- what, you think Mr Too-Choosy could somehow fall out of love with his soulmate Jane, meet someone else, and marry them, all within two years? Yeah, not gonna happen, son-- but also from a human-interaction perspective. If Weller somehow did marry someone else, firstly Jane wouldn't have hugged him the way she did bc something would have had to have gone super wrong between them for him ever to try to move on, and secondly she certainly would never have commented on him 'still wearing it' because that would already be her default expectation? He would have been married when she left, so of course he would still be married now. And that's not even to mention her visceral reaction to the ring-- that combination of devastation and involuntary gladness is so telling, bc on one hand deep down she's so happy to see him still wearing it because it means that he hasn't turned his back on her, that he still considers himself her husband and there's still hope for the two of them, but also devastation because his faithfulness only makes it more clear how much she's hurt him, and also hurts worse because she thinks (for an as yet unknown reason) that there's actually no way for them to ever be together again. And god I just feel so sad for both of them rn ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Why did you have to separate them, Gero, why???? (Well, for drama, I suppose, but honestly THAT'S A TERRIBLE REASON. LET COUPLES JUST BE TOGETHER AND HAPPY GODDAMMIT. TRUST ME IT CAN STILL BE GOOD TV.) And then ugh she's trying so hard not to cry and Weller can't bear to see that so he gets down to business, telling her she has to come back bc the other three have been kidnapped. Which is awful but tbh I'm more focused on how the others felt when Jane left? Did the kiddies feel like mom had abandoned them? Are they mad at her, on Weller's behalf as well as their own? Will they forgive her straight away and joyfully welcome her back when she and Weller rescue them, or will there be that distance and frostiness like at the start of last season? And Jane asks him if Roman was involved-- and while he doesn't know, this mention definitely bodes well for getting to see Roman next season. Then Weller pulls out a box with her name on it in the same style as his tattoo on her back (clearly they didn't get the memo about her new last name tho) and ugh he holds it out to her, telling her no one has been able to open it but that he has a theory-- and looks like he was right to come all this way to find her, bc only she can open it. Possibly even only the two of them together, but it's unclear if that’s the case. Also ok I really need to know, did he already know where she was, like Patterson had figured it out or something, but he'd just been giving her her space and had only come now that the others had been taken? Or did he only just find out now? In which case that’s pretty damn lucky timing... I mean I bet Patterson had been looking for her this whole time, so...? But anyhow there's a random metal disk thing inside the box, and it's only when Weller touches it with her that it shows a reflected image of her bird tattoo. And then because he's a smart boy, Weller lines it up with her bird tattoo and presses it against her skin, and suddenly Jane lights up like some kind of bioluminescent christmas tree. Surprise-- there's a whole new layer of tattoos to discover, with a whole new set of clues hidden within. Which is completely whack, but undoubtedly something among all that will lead to saving the others-- which means it’s something Weller can't do without her. And well, Jane, in the eternal wisdom of Smashmouth: you'll never know if you don't go, and you'll never shine if you don't glow...

And so that’s it. It's over. Another season, another cliffhanger that will haunt us for months-- and like last year, the question is 'Will Jane and Kurt ever be able to come back to one another?’ (Spoiler alert: the answer is yes. They will always come back to each other. Let’s just hope it doesn’t take a whole damn season this time....) But anyhow, thank you so much to everyone who has read these and liked/commented/sent me messages-- I've loved sharing these with you guys, and I'm glad you've loved them too. So cheers, and see you all next season :P

#Blindspot #Blindspot recap #Jeller #*unintelligible screaming*

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pixiealtaira · 7 years ago

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First Night In A New Home…or Not

Kadam week prompt four (Wednesday’s)

authors note...this and one more are finished and two other tales took on lives of their own and will be a bit longer to be seen. I think the ones I’m posting today are mostly error free but not guaranteeing anything.

First Night In A New Home…or Not

The thing was, it was one of those moments that the instinct was to laugh, but Adam could tell that Kurt was actually hurt.

He left Kurt reading one of the texts for History of the Theater America 1800 to 1918 to take his shower, no problems at all. They were in the process of moving n together and had bought together a bedroom set which was to be delivered the next day. That simply meant that the bed was only on a metal frame, and had no headboard or footboard and their clothing was in boxes or hung up. And that, right then, their side tables were stacked milk crates…the plastic kind. It also meant that their windows had been open a good part of the day as movers actually moved a few items up and through the window (which was a bit bizarre, but who was Adam to argue with city movers.)

Things were fine, Adam guessed, until about half way through washing his hair when he heard a HUGE crash in the bedroom, lots of cussing and then another crash. The silence was unnerving and Adam shut the shower off and ran out, soap not all the way rinsed out of his hair, to see what was wrong.

Kurt’s foot was somehow through one of the crates, jammed in a whole on the top, which was now the side as the crate had tipped. The clock and their cell phones were across the room, like they’d been pushed off the crate, and Kurt was face down on the floor with the fly swatter in one hand and his other covering his nose. Adam could see two flies on the ceiling, right above the bed.

“Kurt!” Adam yelled, rushing over to him.

Kurt turned his head and glared.

“Are you alright?”

Kurt’s glare intensified.

“Can you move?”

“My foot is stuck and I cannot turn over and I think I wrenched my knee and my shoulder and my nose is bleeding, but not broken and I bumped my head good and No I cannot bloody turn over. Adam, you are wet and dripping on my floors.”

“Yes, and still soapy. Darling you are hurt. Should we try to move you or call 911?”

Kurt sighed. “Adam, I think you missed something.”

Adam looked at Kurt again. “Oh.”

“Yes, Oh. We had better be able to move me because I will not be seen by paramedics bare butt naked!” Kurt screamed, then immediately winced. “Ow. Yelling hurts. I might have bruised some ribs.”

“What should I do first?” Adam asked.

“Put the crate my foot is caught in on the floor all the way and roll me over, carefully. Then go rinse off and put on some clothes.”

Adam got Kurt rolled over and they got his foot out of the crate before Adam went and finished his shower while Kurt called 911. Adam was back out and dressing before Kurt even finished his call and they had managed to slide boxers onto Kurt before the paramedics arrived. They had not managed anything else.

Of course the first thing the two men asked was what happened.

“I fell.” Kurt answered.

“We need to know exactly what happened.” The larger of the two men insisted.

Kurt sighed.

“There were flies. Two. They kept dive bombing me while I tried to study. I got annoyed and got the fly swatter. They landed on the ceiling. I stood on the bed and tried to reach where they had landed with the swatter. I took a step and it wasn’t more bed, just the very edge. I kicked the crate that held the clock and our phones, they went flying. I was losing balance so I figured the crates were more sturdy than these shit pieces are…the ones I had as a kid certainly were. I put the foot that was still wavering in midair down on the crate. My foot went through, it tilted sideways and the rest of me went down. Face first. I know my nose is bruised at least, I can feel it. At least two bruised if not cracked ribs, but not fully broken, jacked up shoulder, jacked up my knee, probably goose eggs on my forehead and I bruised my chin. And of course my foot.”

The less large man, who’d been the one actually checking over Kurt, nodded along.

The other man looked around, noticing where the flyswatter was still lying on the floor and where the bottom crate was resting. Then he looked at Kurt again.

“You also have scratched down your side and under you boxer waistband.” He finally said.

Kurt turned beet red took a deep breath and sat up straighter. “Yes, well, I am sorry but I refuse to meet any of New York’s finest in my birthday suit if I don’t absolutely have to!”

“Why were you naked if you were studying?”

“Do you sleep with your other half fully dressed?” Kurt snapped.

“But it’s not even that late!”

“You are so not married.” Kurt snarled. “For your information, we moved in today. We’ve moved boxes and trunks and suitcases and furniture all day long. We watched our piano hoisted on cables through our front window! And oddly enough just because someone takes a day off from classes to move, most professors don’t just say…’poor dears, your classes and homework are waived until you are all settled in’. Nope. They say ‘have it in tomorrow or you get a zero, have fun!’ A few even cackled.”

“Kurt darling…” Adam said soothingly, as if trying to calm a scared animal.

The paramedic working directly on Kurt was trying not to laugh.

However Kurt was beyond soothing. “So, I took a hot shower and went to sit in my bed while my lover took his shower. I have no blasted time to waste so while I was waiting, in hopes of luring my love into hot steamy gay sex as soon as he was done, I read my blasted book and got dive bombed by the fucking flies! Which I then tried to murder in cold blood but instead ended up putting my foot through our makeshift side table and nearly killing myself! Are you happy now?”

The large man looked at Kurt like he’d grown two heads and the paramedic working on Kurt lost it as Kurt screamed.

“I’ll just go call down and have Del bring up the stretcher.” The larger man said very softly, backing away slowly.

“Adam, my head hurts.” Kurt said.

“I am sure it does, Kurt.” Adam replied. “I am sure once they have you at the ER and we get you looked over very carefully, they’ll get you something for that.”

“Ok.” Kurt replied. “Adam, I think you’re going to have to call Madame Tibideaux and tell her I’m not making it in tomorrow. Tell her I’ll bring a note from my doctor.”

“I’ll do that right now,” Adam said. “And I’m going to go put on shoes so I can hopefully go with you to the ER. I’ll also call Isabelle.”

Then Kurt sniffed.

“Adam, do you think he’s gonna be mad at me?” Kurt asked.

“I’m sure he’ll forgive you if you want him to.” Adam said.

“Ok. Adam, my head hurts.”

“I think Kurt here has a concussion. I’m John, by the way. Don’t worry Kurt, it is good for Manny to be yelled at every once in a while. He doesn’t always think before he says things. Nice guy, good at the job…no people skills.” The paramedic who had been working on Kurt said. Kurt just looked at John with a dazed gaze. John turned to talk to Adam. “I don’t think his nose is broken. We’ll run a full set of x-rays to be certain about it though. That looked to be a nasty fall. Why don’t you put together a bag of clothes for him, so when we are all done he’ll have something to wear to come home in. Loose, like sweats.”

“I don’t think he owns any.” Adam said. “I’ll have to pack him some of mine. Oh God, if he ends up in casts we are going to have to go shopping.”

“What can I say,” Kurt mumbled. “I’m fabulous.”

Adam was ready with packed bags and all sorts of documentation and Kurt’s cell phone with his dad on speed dial number two (and Adam was ecstatic he was in the number one spot) so that when they got the stretcher up and Kurt loaded he could travel with him in the ambulance, where Kurt just kept complaining his head hurt and Cassie July was going to kill him.

Adam was allowed to sit with him while Kurt was checked out and in the section he’d been in while Kurt was whisked away for x-rays, except when he was on Kurt’s cell with Kurt’s dad so he could fill out all Kurt’s paper work. Luckily Kurt was seen quickly all throughout the night, waiting mostly for the next person who needed to care for him to come in and do their bit.

It was about 9am, a whole 14 hours pretty much, when they were released. Kurt was on crutches, with his foot and his knee in braces. He hadn’t broken ribs or his nose or cracked his skull, luckily. His shoulder had only been bruised and the nurse assured Adam that his concussion wouldn’t take more than a day or two until that was fine as well.

His foot and knee? Well those would take a good six weeks to fully heal. Kurt wasn’t happy. He was going to have to redo his dance courses and maybe two or three other ones as well. He was talking to his bosses of both his jobs when he got home and would hopefully still have them at the end. And he was still feeling guilty for screaming at the big guy.

Adam tucked Kurt into his side as they caught the taxi to take them home and then helped him into the elevator and into their apartment when they got to the building. He settled Kurt onto the sofa and called the delivery service who was supposed to be bringing in their bedroom set, to ask if he could pay extra for them to completely put it together, feeling very fortunate that they hadn’t missed them while at the hospital.

“Adam.” Kurt called from where he was starting to doze off on the couch.

“One moment, love” Adam called, jotting down on a pad of paper the new amount that he’d need to give the delivery men for set up as well as delivery.

“Adam!” Kurt yelled.

Adam hung up and raced to the Kurt’s side.

“What’s wrong?” Adam said. He worried Kurt’s concussion was worse or he’d hurt his leg more.

“The flies are still here, Adam. And they are dive bombing me.” Kurt said.

“I’ll fix it.” Adam reassured Kurt, heading into the bedroom to fetch the fly swatter. He had a feeling he knew what he was spending most of his day doing.

#Kadam week 2017 #kadam #glee fanfic

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the-dark-side-of-the-blog · 7 years ago

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Top 25 Greatest Cover Songs Ever

How often do you find out that one of your favorite songs by one of your favorite artists was originally by someone else? Happens more commonly than you think, yet it does not really undermine the work because we understand that even with the words already written there is a very precise alchemy needed to create a truly great cover. These are my top 25 best cover songs.

25) Sweet Child O’Mine, Luna (Originally Guns N’Roses): The list is 25 best covers, not 25 covers that are better than original because it would be impossible to do a cover that was better than Guns’ Sweet Child O’Mine. Say what you like about Axl and co (really say what you like) but that is truly one of the greatest songs ever, yet Luna more than do it justice. There cover is certainly a very different interpretation but also not all that detached. In terms of its composition it is not all that different but it takes the more electric energy of the original and delivers something more laconic, which should not work but yet does.

24) I Fought The Law, The Clash (Originally by The Crickets): Now some may have known that there was a version of this song before The Clash’s top 10 cover, in the form of The Bobby Fuller Four but unless you have been on the wiki page you probably wouldn’t have known that was a cover to, no matter The Clash’s version is a punk anthem that still stands up all these years later.

23) Valerie, Amy Winehouse (Originally The Zutons): People knew of this song before it was covered by Amy but her version has endured in ways that The Zutons have not. Mark Ronson displays his unparalleled knack for catchy compositions and beats, but its all about Amy and her voice, which was not only one of the most powerful ones we ever had but full of such personality, The Zutons had no chance (although they’ll thank her for all the money she has made them).

22) Jealous Guy, Roxy Music (Originally by John Lennon): Both versions are great but Roxy music might just edge Lennon out. Ferry is somehow able to infuse the song with an even greater sense of regret than Lennon did, while the rest of the band give the song a jazzier edge with the use of the saxophone, which nicely offsets the use of the piano here.

21) Tainted Love, Soft Cell (Originally by Gloria Jones): Okay it might be harsh to call Soft Cell one hit wonders because Say Hello, Wave Goodbye was certainly a hit in its own right as well, but let’s face it they never got close to what achieved with Tainted Love again. A defining track of the eighties and one of the great covers.

20) Take me to the River, Talking Heads (Originally Al Green): Memorably performed on the great Stop Making Sense live album David Byrne made the Al Green classic a staple of Talking Heads work.

19) Knockin’ On Heaven’s Door, Guns N’Roses (Originally Bob Dylan): Post Appetite a lot of things held GNR back, mostly themselves to be fair, but on a purely artistic level Axl’s lyrics and their ridiculously grandiose quality has always struck me as a problem. Its not to say he’s a bad lyricist, a song like Sweet Child O’Mine has deceptively great lyrics which stop it from being a bland ballad and make it something more poignant, but after Appetite I think he was far too self-serious and over-ambitious. One way to solve that problem is to use others lyrics and who better than Dylan. This cover just makes sense and I may even go as far as to say it is better than the original.

18) Needles and Pins, The Ramones (Originally by The Searchers): Because The Ramones were such a revolutionary band it is easy to forget that they did have influences, some pretty big ones. They did plenty of great covers of bands from the 50s and 60s that Joey and co grew up with but none better than Needles and Pins which among other things highlights what an incredible voice Joey Ramone had, one that goes a little underrated.

17) Superstar, Sonic Youth (Originally by The Carpenters): Superstar is one of those songs that has been over-covered for sure but there is no getting away from what a brilliant rendition Thurston Moore and co delivered. Its heartbreankingly restrained by Moore, communicating a soft desperation with his voice and giving us some of Sonic Youth’s best work of that decade.

16) Girl You’ll Be a Woman Soon, Urge Overkill (Originally by Neil Diamond): Immortalized by its use in Pulp Fiction, if you had never heard or known of Diamond’s version you could never have guessed it was his song from the Urge Overkill version, which is so dark with Kaatrud’s vocals implying so much more than the lyrics actually say. Urge Overkill may have done little else but they will have always given us this.

15) It’s Oh So Quiet, Bjork (Originally by Betty Hudson): It is tough to say if there is any one quality that is key to a great cover, but I think it always to have a unique and identifiable voice and personality bringing them-self to the song and there are few better examples than Bjork 1995 classic. It has a grunge loud-soft quality, but without the angst, almost to the extent of a parody it fluctuates so much, but whatever the case it is unmistakably Bjork and there in lies the greatness.

14) Piece of my Heart, Janis Joplin (Originally by Erma Franklin): For an iconic artist it may come as a surprise to some that both of Janis’ most enduring hits, this and Me and Bobby McGee, were covers. Whatever the case both are great, but it is Piece of my Heart that makes the list and for obvious reasons, a classic that still holds up today.

13) Where Did You Sleep Last Night, Nirvana (Traditional American Folk song): Its funny before Kurt begins his rendition of this 100 year old song (also covered by Lead Belly) he seems in quite good spirits joking about trying to buy the Lead Belly lead singer’s guitar, but once he starts singing all of that changes. This is one of the most incredible performances ever seen, it goes far beyond showmanship and into something far deeper and darker. Neil Young described it as “like a werewolf, unbelievable” and he wasn’t wrong. There is a moment at the end where Kurt opens his eyes and breathes out for just a second and it is one of the most powerful things I’ve ever seen by a performer. It is wrong that we look at everything Kurt through the prism of suicide but with this cover it is impossible to escape the pain he felt and lived with.

12) Stop Your Sobbing, The Pretenders (Originally by The Kinks): The Kinks and The Pretenders are connected by a lot more than just this song, Hynde and Ray Davies had a child in 1983, but that is beside the point. Stop Your Sobbing is the perfect first single for The Pretenders. Hynde’s voice has this almost brutal confidence and assurance as she instructs whoever to “stop your sobbing”, it straddles the line between pep talk and dressing down perfectly and in the process far surpasses the original.

11) Walk This Way, Run DMC ft Tyler and Perry (originally by Aerosmith): I’m at best an Aerosmith agnostic I like some of their songs but they have never been the great American rock band to me. There is no doubting the greatness of Run DMC’s cover of Aerosmith’s defining hit from the previous decade, but there is also no doubting that it wouldn’t be half as good with Tyler’s contributions. Rock and rap have rarely if ever worked so well together.

10) Respect, Arthea Franklin (Originally by Otis Redding): It is a cliche to say when talking about a great cover that the person covering the song owned it but boy did Franklin own this. By changing the perspective of the song from a male to a female one she not only made a feminist classic but one of the great covers and maybe her definitive track (although there is plenty of competition).

9) Hallelujah, Jeff Buckley (Originally by Leonard Cohen): The most over-covered song? Potentially. Whatever the case Buckley’s rendition overshadows all others. Buckley’s vocals are incredible but in a way that is not very flashy. His sound set the tone for the likes of Thom Yorke and while tragedy may have prevented him from amounting the discography his talented deserved Grace is still a great album.

8) What A Wonderful World, Joey Ramone (originally by Louie Armstrong): One of the great musical parting gifts. On Joey Ramone’s first solo and final album he gave us his surprisingly perfect rendition of What A Wonderful World. The cover achieved a certain level of fame for its us at the end of Bowling for Columbine but that may misunderstand. Its use in that movie emphasizes the ironic quality of the cover, Joey Ramone who sang of wanting to be sedated now telling us what a wonderful world it is, but actually there is nothing sarcastic about this at all. Joey’s vocals are fully committed when he sings of love and hope and that’s what makes such a beautiful cover.

7) Wild is The Wind, David Bowie (Originally by Nina Simone): For all of his incredible achievements and strengths Bowie had a pretty bad success ratio when it came to covers. His Across The Universe is alright but not great, same goes for his Let’s Spend the Night Together and the less said about his God Only Knows the better. Amidst the less than inspiring rendition of classic rock anthems though Bowie delivered a haunting, atmospheric and all round beautiful cover of Nina Simone’s Wild is the Wind. The problem with some of his other covers I think is he tries to make them too Bowie, whereas here I feel he lets the song itself guide the way he sings it. It is simply one of the best album closers ever.

6) Nothing Compares 2 U, Sinead O’Connor (Originally by Prince): Throughout the 80s and 90s the music video became a medium for greater and greater innovation, yet a lot of my favorite music videos of that period are the most simple and stripped down ones, where it is essentially just a camera looking at the performer. I’ve always loved the videos that accompany Alanis Morrisette’s Head Over Feet and Radiohead’s No Surprises and maybe the best example of this comes in the form of Sinead O’Connor’s Nothing Compares 2 U. Her raw emotion in the video completely re-frames this break-up song as one really about a much deeper grief, as she channeled the lose of her mother in a tragic accident. Her raw emotion made this cover unavoidable and unforgettable.

5) Killing me Softly, The Fugees (Originally by Roberta Flack) The Fugees cover takes the softness and melodic qualities of the Roberta Flack original but makes it that much darker and beautiful. It is an incredible cover. Lauryn Hill’s voice has this, I find, difficult to define quality but I’d describe it as a knowingness. I think in lesser hands this cover would have overly emphasized the hip hop traits of the song but here that drum loop is enough to make it a distinctly Fugees composition but also subtle enough to not intrude on Hill’s amazing vocals.

4) Alabama Song, The Doors (Originally by Bertolt Brecht): While Light My Fire and Riders on The Storm have endured as The Doors defining hits Alabama Song is the track I return to most. There is this offbeat darkness, it is not the smoothness most refined sound of a band from that era but it unmistakably The Doors and Jim Morrison. He may not have written the lyrics but you don’t need me to point out just how prophetic it was for Morrison to ask to be shown to the next whiskey bar and demanding you “don’t ask why”. So while it may not be Morrison or Kreiger’s words this is the song that I feel best epitomizes what made The Doors so different and so iconic.

3) The Man Who Sold The World, Nirvana (Originally by Bowie): Before I was a massive Nirvana fan I avoided listening to this rendition of what was then my favorite Bowie song (still in my top 5), I even resented people telling me it was better than Bowie’s original. Once I fell in love with Nirvana and put it on I could not believe just how perfect it was. Kurt and co’s rendition is every bit as brooding, dark and unfortunately prophetic as all the best of Nirvana’s work. The title alone feels fitting of Kurt, but it also worth mentioning how this cover is about more than him, the sound created by the band here is fantastic. Suffice to say this is one of those rare things a good Bowie cover, except it is much more than just a good one.

2) All Along The Watchtower, Jimi Hendrix (originally by Bob Dylan): It is rare for such an iconic artist that there most famous song is a cover but while Hendrix was a good lyricist his status as an icon is about more than his words. It was about his voice, his sonic experimentation and of course what he could do with a guitar. Dylan on the other hand was all about his words. All Along The Watchtower sounds like only something Hendrix could compose and play and reads like something only Dylan could write and that is a combination that can create one of the finest rock anthems ever.

1) Hurt, Johnny Cash (Originally by Nine Inch Nails): Hurt was always going to be high on this list but why it comes number one is that I think more than any song on this list it comes to define what an artist can do with someone else’s work. Everything about Cash’s rendition is trans-formative but not just for the sake of being different. There are many covers that completely change the originally but in ways that are ultimately detrimental. Cash’s Hurt changes the sound, the mood and the meaning of the song but in a way that only enhances its power. I talked about Joey Ramone’s What a Wonderful World as the perfect parting gift but this trumps even that. Its sad and introspective but so, so powerful. Cash’s voice has such gravitas and really Trent Reznor said it best when he described how it was no longer his song.

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seeroftodayandtomorrow · 8 years ago

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In Carcere

This has been a while, but maybe you remember? A few of you wanted me to continue this, and so did my brain. I want to put a double disclaimer on this, though. 1. This story doesn't come easy to me. I won't attept to put any kind of schedule on how often I'll update. I will try (and if you know my work, you know that's quite a promise) to not write any cliffhangers, so that each chapter can be read as a more or less complete story with the one(s) before. This is also meant as an apology to those of you who read the first part in the assumption it was complete. 2. I don't have any experience with chastity devices whatsoever. Though my husband supports my writing, he didn't want to try it, and my internet researfch yielded some interesting visuals, but little useful information. So I'll apologize now for any mistakes I make, and I'm always happy to be educated.

This one's set during Swan Song. As always, I'm happy to hear from you.

Chapter 2

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Telling Rachel is a little awkward.

“You're back together with Blaine?” she asks indignantly. “He cheated on you!”

“He won't do it again,” Kurt says.

“How can you be so sure? Did he sign one of those contracts?”

“Something like that.”

He grins.

He is, of course, aware that technically, Blaine could still cheat. You don't need your dick for everything, after all. There's kissing and general fooling around, for one.

Blaine could blow someone while wearing the cage.

Blaine could be fucked while wearing the cage.

The possibilities are practically endless.

He says goodbye to Rachel rather soon after that thought, claiming homework.

He's doing that rather a lot, recently. Not homework, but disappearing in the bathroom or behind the curtains that separates his bed from hers, pulling down his pants and getting himself off as quickly as possible, biting into his hand or a pillow to muffle his sounds when he comes.

Thinking about Blaine wearing the cage suffices to make him so horny he can hardly stand it, and it's also everything he needs to get off.

He hasn't really talked to Blaine. They text a lot, and Blaine always seems to know when he hasn't got an opportunity to get away for a while, torturing him with texts that are just suggestive enough to make Kurt wish for a little privacy.

But they haven't really talked beyond the one phone call that established that, yes, they are back together. It's a little baffling to Kurt. When they had....before, Blaine had called all the time, at least once a day, often more. And now, he doesn't. Kurt is a little afraid that Blaine is scared to call him and find the call rejected again, like it had happened so many times when...before.

He has sworn to himself never to do that again. There may be times when he can't talk, but it doesn't take more than a minute to accept a call and say exactly that. And then maybe promise to call back and, another thing he has sworn, really do that.

But Blaine doesn't know that. And he doesn't want him to be unsure, doesn't want any doubts from before stand between them.

…......................

Blaine is happy when Kurt calls him, though admittedly, he's a little worried, too. After all, they haven't really talked since getting back together, and there is a chance—slight, he thinks, but there—that Kurt may change his mind. Maybe he is scared Blaine will cheat after all, maybe he is insecure about that new...thing about their relationship. Maybe he has found someone else.

Or maybe it is none of that at all. Maybe Kurt just wants to talk to him. It has been known to happen.

“Hi,” he says, still sounding a little insecure.

“Hi,” Kurt says, but nothing more.

“Is...everything alright?” Blaine asks after a moment, and to his relief, Kurt answers quickly.

“Yes. Yes, everything's fine.”

He sounds...nervous? Blaine waits.

“I think I just...wanted to hear your voice. I....want to know why you haven't called me.”

“What do you mean? You haven't called me, either. I thought -”

“No!” Kurt interrupts. “I didn't mean it that way, I'm sorry. It wasn't a reproof. I just wondered...”

He hesitates. “To be honest, I wondered if you wanted to call, but felt you couldn't. I wouldn't just reject your calls anymore. I mean, there will be times when I can't talk, but -”

“No, that's not it,” Blaine says. “I think...I think when I used to call you all the time...it was partly because I wanted to make you think of me. I mean, I wanted to talk to you, of course, but a part of it was always that I was afraid you'd just forget me.”

It's true. He never really said or even thought of it this way—he's always made up a reason why he had to talk to Kurt, something he had to tell him. But really, he had always wanted to remind Kurt that he was still there, stuck in Lima, with not a lot of better things to do than to wait for Kurt to remember him.

It's easy to see why it isn't like this anymore.

“I'm not scared of that anymore,” he says into Kurt's protests. “I only have to move to be reminded that I'm yours, and I know you're wearing my key, and I know as long as you're wearing it, you're mine as well. I don't need any more reassurance than that.”

He also has his friends now, and takes care to not depend on Kurt so much anymore. He won't feel so alone ever again.

“I'm glad,” Kurt says, and Blaine can almost hear his smile. “But maybe we could still try to talk more? I miss you, and you know I won't be able to come to Lima for Christmas after all...if we can't see each other, I want to at least talk to you.”

“Let's try to Skype,” Blaine suggests. “Every day at a time that's okay for both of us, and if it shouldn't work a few times, no hard feelings.”

“Alright. But since we're talking now...how are you? How is Glee club?”

Blaine smiles sadly. It's still hard to believe what happened, the way everything seems to be over for them.

“Mostly,” he says, “everyone's pissed because of what happened at Regionals. Half blames Mr Schue, the other half blames Marley. I mean, we met and sang outside, but it's still...we don't have a competition to prepare for anymore, so that makes everything seem a little...random. I did tell you I'm a cheerleader now, didn't I?”

“You did. I didn't see you in your uniform yet, though.”

Blaine can tell Kurt is pouting, and laughs.

“I never got to see you in yours, so you can hardly complain.”

Then he hesitates, biting his tongue. The kind of teasing they have fallen into via text is still strange to him. He blushes every time he send a text, he thinks, but he really, really likes the way it makes Kurt react. Maybe it's time to go further than text.

“I could wear it for our Skype date, though,” he says, and, damn it, feels himself blush. But knowing Kurt, he's blushing too. It doesn't mean he doesn't appreciate the comment.

“OhGodpleaseyes,” Kurt says, so quickly it's hard to understand the single words, and Blaine laughs again. He stops quickly, however, at Kurt's next words.

“Does one see it? The cage? Under the cheerleader pants?”

Blaine palms the bulge under the red pants he's still wearing. He doesn't feel the touch on his cock, but he still feels it, and his cock twitches weakly as if it still quite hasn't given up hope.

“I don't think so,” he says. “I mean, it seems really, really obvious to me, but nobody has said anything...”

“I bet I could see it,” Kurt says, and Blaine feels breathless at his voice. “I bet, if you knew it was there, you could see it.”

“Kurt...” he says.

“I don't even know what's so hot about all of this,” Kurt says. “But you know it's hot, don't you? You know I just have to think about you wearing that thing to get me going.”

Blaine feels heat pool deep in his belly, and bites back a moan. Then he rethinks. If Kurt can say things like that, the least Blaine can do is let him hear his reaction.

“God,” he says. “I...Yes, but...Kurt, can we go on Skype?”

“No,” Kurt says, and there's regret in his voice, but also teasing. “I have to go to class. But we'll Skype tonight. Wear your uniform.”

…................

When Kurt goes on Skype that night, Blaine is already there, waiting in his uniform. He looks slightly uncomfortable, though Kurt doesn't know why. As far as he remembers, the uniform may be polyester, but it is comfortable, made as it is to allow movement.

“What's the matter?” he asks as soon as he sits down in front of the computer.

Blaine swallows. “Well. I can have an erection, sort of. Not full, but enough to make it...very uncomfortable.”

Kurt stares. “How long? Since -”

“Since we talked on the phone. On and off. Mostly on. Yeah.”

“Oh my God. Oh my God. I'm...you know what, I'm not sorry. I mean, I don't want you uncomfortable, but...that's so hot.”

He watches while Blaine squirms on his chair, grinning on the inside. He shouldn't like this so much, but God, he does. “You're blushing.”

“Really? I'm surprised there's still blood left for that,” Blaine says sardonically, and Kurt laughs.

“Stand up,” he says then. “I want to see.”

He groans when Blaine does and there's a definitely noticeable bulge in the red pants.

“Everyone would notice now,” he says hoarsely.

“I know. I'm not sure I can wear these pants ever again.”

“I don't think Sue would let you wear one of the skirts.”

Blaine laughs, but it doesn't last long. “Can you...Kurt, are you turned on?”

Kurt blushes, but he is determined not to deviate from his new course of total honesty—even if that honesty mostly seems to be what amounts to dirty talk.

“You know I am,” he says.

“Good,” Blaine says. “Can you...I mean, I feel like one of us has to come or else I'll explode. I'd prefer it to be me, but...” He gestures at his pants.

“No, you can't, can you?” Kurt says. It's not schadenfreude, he doesn't enjoy to see Blaine uncomfortable, but...it's so hot. Blaine so turned on, but not able to get off...he shouldn't like it as much as he does.

“And now you want me to get off while you sit there and suffer?” he asks. It wouldn't take long. If he can find the courage to actually do it, it won't take long at all.

Blaine nods. Kurt can't really believe this is happening—they've never done something like that. It's...he's not sure. He'd rather be with Blaine, really be with him, but...

“You really want to watch me masturbate without being able to do anything to yourself,” he says, just to clarify.

Blaine nods again, vehemently. “Yes, Kurt. Please. I'm aware that it probably won't help my...problem, but I need to see you come. Please.”

Kurt nods to himself, rises and slowly opens his pants. They've felt too tight all day, and as soon as he pulls down his briefs, his cock pushes free, and Kurt moans in relief.

He sits down again, takes himself in hand and strokes lazily. His body screams at him to go faster, faster, to finally make himself come because he's been low-key turned on the whole day. But he wants to give Blaine a show although he's still terribly embarrassed, and also the situation's so hot he doesn't want it to be over too soon. He angles the camera so that Blaine can see his cock, and then tells him, “Talk to me.”

Blaine is startled, he can see that, he can see him blushing. But why should Kurt be the only one to be pushed to do something he never, ever would have thought he'd do?

“What—what do you want me to talk about?” Blaine asks after a moment. He's staring with wide eyes at Kurt's cock and the hand that is still slowly jacking it.

“Tell me what you wish for, now. What you imagine we would do if we were together.”

He stops stroking although it is hard, but it's worth it when Blaine's eyes flicker downward fearfully and a brief expression of dismay crosses his face. He starts talking rather quickly after that, and Kurt starts to masturbate for real now, though he still goes slow to draw it out.

“I want to touch you so bad,” Blaine says. He sounds tortured, and Kurt wonders if this whole endeavor was really a good idea. It's too late to stop now, though; he feels like his cock would kill him if he stopped now. He goes faster, urgency entering his movements. He wants to come.

“I think,” Blaine says, “I think if we were together, and you would take your key and free me, I'd come on the spot. Without being touched. You look so hot like this, but I want to touch you so bad....I wish I was there with you, even if...even if it was just me bringing you off, even if I was still in the cage...”

Kurt's orgasm rushes through him, taking him by surprise. He comes in hot spurts on the screen of his laptop, and even while he's cursing and scrambling to get tissues so it won't drip on the keyboard, he thinks that Blaine looks really hot with Kurt's come running down his face

#fic: in carcere #klaine fanfiction

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