#also I felt I was going insane for thinking that soup headcanon is like. Not Good. like does nobody else see my vision???

[alfreedomm]

Wriothesley's lore and his relationship to Neuvillette and justice is so interesting to me because let's be real: the justice system failed him. He was brought up in a foster home where he was intended to be sold in the black market. And when he ran away, why was his solution to return and kill them? Why not inform the police? One can argue he was afraid but usually you'd try every other option before resorting to murder, yes?

And when he succeeds in killing them. He's sentenced to prison, where he is forced to spend the rest of his teen years (so, a child), and the start of his adulthood. And when his sentence is over, he doesn't even leave but take over the title of warden. He literally takes over the title of warden the day his sentence is over. That is severely fucked, like so severely fucked.

So it makes me wonder where was Neuvillette and Furina in all of this? Furina left the room in the middle of Wriothesley's trial for unspecified reasons (Wriothesley interpreted it as she found his case uninteresting, though headcanons say otherwise) and despite everyone in the room finding Wriothesley innocent, Neuvillette still finds him guilty. And you can't argue that it's cause Wriothesley wanted to be found guilty, like objectively let's look at this: he was a victim of abuse killing his abusers in self-defense. Is Neuvillette that obtuse?

I wanna know what Wriothesley thought of Neuvillette in that moment. I really feel like it needs to be addressed that Neuvillette failed Wriothesley and others like him. He is the second highest authority in Fontaine, yet the only thing he could do for Wriothesley when he was homeless as a child was allow a melusine to offer him soup? That's it? Did knowing that there's starving, homeless kids on the street spark no other interest? No implications of Fontaine's society and their quality of life?

I refuse to believe that Neuvillette let the melusine give him soup because it was Wriothesley, because that would mean he was aware of his background and did nothing. He did nothing until it was too late and Wriothesley had to take matters into his own hands. I personally see it as, he lets melusines offer help to those in need, which isn't better, but is better than him actively knowing that Wriothesley was homeless, starving, and running away from an abusive home and did nothing but allowed him one meal one night. Nevermind any other nights Wriothesley could've been starving. Nevermind what he had to endure on the streets as a child, scouring for money and safety. He couldn't offer him anywhere to stay or a job or something that can better Wriothesley's quality of life in the longterm -- he is the Iudex. He has the power to do so.

I still think that Neuvillette cares. But I also think he's extremely ignorant. And I don't fault Wriothesley for believing that Neuvillette wasn't concerned about him -- I think he has every right to think so cause Neuvillette failed him when he needed him most and has not shown him a reason to think otherwise. Every instance of Neuvillette's care is never directly shown to Wriothesley but to everyone else around him.

Anyways, I just find it really sad to think about, and I think Wriothesley deserved better for his own story and I wish the narrative didn't gloss over it like "oh but Neuvillette does care" because does he? Emotionally, maybe, but did Neuvillette make any real positive difference to Wriothesley's life?

…So that's why I think the headcanon that Neuvillette personally made the soup that the melusine gave to Wriothesley isn't as sweet as you think it is.

[vrmxlho]

Hi can you write some fluff headcanons of gokurakugai characters ? Maybe their S/O taking care of them when they come home from work? Especially with Yoru, Alma, Tao,

👉👈

There's like no content of gokurakugai 😭

you are so right we 100% need more content cuz every fanfic or scenario abt them is all in my head and i think i’m going insane 😭😭 ALSO ALMA MY LOVE MY WHOLE BLOG IS DEDICATED TO HIM, PRETTY BABY, if anyone is seeing this go read gokurakugai rn, this isn’t a request it’s an order 👿 +++ is this even what you meant by the request??? i have 0 reading comprehension skills

cw: not proofread + swearing + bad english because i'm sleepy >:(

YORU 夜

this man oh my lord

he could have literally had the most peaceful night of his life but when he gets home he makes a huge deal about it just to get kisses and hugs

he loves when you baby him

could come home with a single scratch on his hand but he will milk the shit out of

he always asks for kisses wherever he's hurt

he tells you that they're the only antidote to the pain he feels

you actually have no idea what he does since he's so mysterious but you're always worried because of the ungodly hours he comes back at

one day you just started inspecting his body in the shower and you were surprised by how many scratches and strange bruises there were and from then on you never left his side

you always have ice packs and heating pads at home to throw at him whenever he's complaining

though you do love hugging him and cuddling

most of the time to 'take care' of him all you do is give him back rubs which ends with you on his lap making out with him

although he always comes home in middle of the night and leaves early in the morning he always falls asleep after you because he wants to make sure you're not stressing too much

his personal philosophy is "holding hands saves lives" and he lives by it

always holding your hands because he had a "long day"

technically, length-wise, he did...

but he was really just walking around strangling people so

acts like he's dying so he can get your attention

actually pathetic (affectionate)

"y/n, i can feel myself slipping away." he was lying on the sofa dramatically. eyes closed, legs slightly falling off the edge and his hand on his head. he didn't notice you watching him and when he opened his eyes to check if you were paying attention, your gazes locked. he quickly turned away of course, and let out a theatrical sigh. "y/n please." you had diverted your attention for about one second because the soup you were making was making gross bubbly noises and you wanted to turn the gas off, but yoru needed you all to himself. he looked cute here. his face a bit flushed because he really did have a fever. his hair was a mess and his long body was flopped in an uncomfortable position in order to leave some space for you. you poured the soup into a small bowl and walked up to him. "my arms hurt." "i'm not going to feed you." he pouted. "i guess i won't eat then." rolling your eyes, you placed yourself on the sofa, took a spoonful of soup, blew a bit on it and motioned it his open mouth. it felt good being next to him. at least you could make sure he was safe. he could be calm with you. he could finally rest.

ALMA アルマ

he’s always late from work cuz he's a hard working baby

but even if he does come back at ungodly hours he always manages to bring food with him

and it's always your favs

somehow he has food from your favourite restaurant that closed down two years ago and who's chef was imprisoned for arson?????

what does this man do...

anyway

the second he gets home you're checking to see if he's fine and if he's going to need emergency iron tablets from blood loss

he hates when you do that because he feels like it's his duty to take care of you and that if you're the one doing the caring he's failed in some way

so he always brushes you off and tells you to go to sleep because its 03:41!!

it takes a bit, nay, a lot of insisting for him to finally let you take care of him

so the first thing you do is have a shower, washing his back and giving him head massages while he tells you about his day

checking over his chest because you're worried he's hurt and telling him to shut up when he laughs at how much you care

he tells you he would do blood tests everyday if you were the one examining him

if he ever comes back even slightly hurt you'll scold him for being careless and then give him kisses, telling him you'd die if anything happens to him

that made him want to try even harder and make sure you were never sad or scared

kindest baby, my actual husband

if for some reason he's come home without food and you're hungry he will cook for you, he's been helping out at auntie's just to be able to please you

what a man

"alma dear, there's no need to cook we can just go to the convenience store!" "convenience store? i'm not letting you eat that..." "babe about 1/2 of your meals are from the convenience store. you must be tired, i know how much you work..." "you take care of me every night, let me do something for you for once." he had stopped dicing the onions. both of your eyes were stinging but alma could be very stubborn when he wanted to be. he set down the knife, slightly patted his hands on his apron and pulling you in by the waist. "i really appreciate everything you do for me, you know. but i feel bad for making you worry so much." "don't feel bad alma, i love you." to this he pulled you into a tight hug and all you could do was put your arms around his neck. he smelled like a mixture of blood and soap. he felt warm but you could feel the tiredness in the hug. you wanted to sedate him so he would actually take a fucking break. "alma i swear to god, if you do let me take care of you i'm going to shove this knife into you." "it wouldn't be so bad if you did it." you hate how he made you blush even when he was a blink from deep sleep. i guess it can't be helped. he would never allow you to be the caregiver, so you might as well accept all the love he was giving right?

TAO タオ

mommy

there i said it

not even a potential mother, she is THE mother

barely gets hurt because she's so cool and hot like that

you're always worried though, because you know she's the type to get into dangerous situations and misjudge or underestimate them

however, she never allows you to take care of her, she's gruff and reserved most of the time, even if she loves you very dearly

but after whining about how much you wanted to baby her she'll stop resisting as much

she'll allow you to make her meals

mostly because she can't be bothered but also because she loves tasting the love in your food

she'll reward you with kisses and massages

even when she's the one who's sore and in need of massages

she sort of projects her needs onto you because she's like a mum

(please come home tao, the kids miss you)

though she is very obedient when you order her to eat, or to sleep on time

she lets you fix her wounds up and undress her when she's really tired (not always in a sexual way)

if she ever thinks you're paying her too much attention though she will straight up tell you to calm down and assure you that she's fine

she feels really bad for making you worry

but deep down she really enjoys the attention

not that she'd ever admit it

"you're back tao! what do you want for dinner?" "nothing honestly, alma and i already ate." "oh." you hated when she did this. yes this was so you could rest with her. and yes, it meant more cuddles and warm hugs. but you really wanted to take care of her. be motherly. so you gave her a pout and pleading puppy dog eyes. to this she raised an eyebrow inquisitively. "this won't work. let's just go to bed." "you will sit here and you will have dinner with me." she did as you said. she sat down with a huff and rested her head in her hand as you cooked away in front of her. it was nice and silent, the quietness was comforting. but you also wanted to hear about her day. listen to her rants and such. "so...tell me about your day." "it's really late dear, let's just sleep. i'll tell you tomorrow." "oh come on you always say that." "promise." you set down your plate, turning back to her. "i'm in middle of cooking, stop being rude." "fine..." the night passed slowly. somehow she ended up putting on some music and while you waited for the food to be done cooking you danced. you held her in your arms for she was exhausted. you loved it like this. in the arms of the one you loved. where you both would be safe, and cared for.

[fang-revives]

2, 5, 8

2. a headcanon you weren't sure about at first but have come to like!

I initially hesitated to throw “birdwatching” at my Jay White characterization because it felt a little out of touch with kayfabe Jay White (although it is a shootguy Jaime White activity). But when “Jay gardens” became kayfabe and I started to like the idea of Jay birdwatches / Kazu fishes as a shared activity, I warmed up to it. 

5. something you see in fics a lot and love

I feel like “see a lot in fics” implies I read widely of the NJPW+ AEW tags when I’m fairly selective about what I read just because of having a busy life and wanting to comment on most of what I like (takes time and energy!). However the common theme in my bookmarks is fic that engages really whole-heartedly with the weirdness of wrestling (in the context of kayfabe). I also love when fic is specific and loving in place, but indirect and metaphorical in the way characters are relating to each other. And when the dynamic is Fucking Weird which, tbh, pro wrestling can be pretty fruitful for 

8. you hope more people will come to appreciate ___ (a ship, a trope, an episode, etc)

I think more broadly I’d love for AEW fans to sample or get a sense of Katsuyori Shibata’s whole arc and thing. And yeah, like selfishly would love more Takeover fans, but even taking a step back from the shipping – although I’m glad that he’s getting shine as tough puro hardo from Japan, his whole story is so deeply more than that to me. I made a match recs post (https://fang-revives.tumblr.com/post/745209833470459904/sybs-shibata-match-recs) I feel so passionately about this. 

But also hng ugh join takeover fans in going Fucking Insane for crumbs. Glad you’re in the soup too Cass :D

fandom asks!

[caramelmoony]

i love being in this fandom, it’s full of so many wonderful, lovely and talented people, but it drives me absolutely insane sometimes. the entitlement of some people is ridiculous like god fic writers are writing these incredible fics for FREE!! and for FUN!!! you are reading them for free!!! how on earth are you going to complain about writers choices for their own fic??? they have no obligation to share their fics with the world, but they are! if you aren’t happy, no one is forcing you to read it??? and absolutely no one asked for your opinion. simply close the tab! i’ve stopped reading fics because i don’t like a certain element and that’s ok! you don’t have to like every single fic. but i have never ever felt the need to complain to the author about my personal distaste????

i’ve seen this kind of issue a lot of platforms like tiktok where people seem to think THEY are the main character and everything is for them personally. like for example i’ll see a video with a recipe for broccoli soup and someone will be in the comments like, “well i don’t like broccoli so i won’t be making this”. who asked??? this video clearly isn’t for you??? just scroll away. and it’s the same principal. a fic may not match your own personal headcanons or whatever, but it wasn’t written for you??? not everyone has the same tastes as you. so if you don’t like a fic, simply don’t read it. it’s not that difficult. have some common decency!!! please.

ok rant over lmao xx

this also applies to artists like no one is forcing you to look at their art. if you don’t like it just scroll. they are literally fictional characters everyone has their own interpretation

[benjiwyatt]

do you have any ben/leslie headcanons! i love your posts abt them so much it's great to see someone get as emotional abt them as i am asjdkajhjd

i got this message and i was like "god, i dont really know if i have any headcanons" and then i opened my notes app and started typing and didn't stop for over an hour

i'm literally putting this under a break and organizing it into categories bc it's absurdly long

here it is

A COLLECTION OF BEN AND LESLIE HEADCANONS

PRE-RELATIONSHIP/S3

basically canon but leslie definitely had a crush on a young benji wyatt and followed the story religiously for the first couple months before she started college

ben is only slightly jealous leslie had ann go out with chris to try and get more money for the parks budget rather than leslie asking him out with the same goal. he knows it’s insane, unethical, and illogical but he’s still excited that he gets to spend the night with her on a date plus two other people even if it is to accuse her of bribery.

ann realizes early on that leslie was attracted to ben and teases her mercilessly about it. she thinks it’s absolutely hilarious that leslie wants to make out with "mean ben.” after april and andy’s wedding, she realizes it's more than just attraction and she lays off.

before ben can even think rationally about what he’s doing, he’s in line at bed, bath, and beyond with a crock pot in his arms, calling stephanie to ask her to send him their family’s chicken soup recipe

ann knew ben liked her from the beginning and was totally positive when she ran into him in the hospital asking for leslie’s room number while holding jj’s waffles and a tub of homemade soup.

ben realizes he’s falling in love with leslie when he is at city hall with her until 3am one night trying to budget for the amount of cotton candy machines she wants for the harvest festival. in his exhaustion, he naively believes her when she tells him she’ll go home in a bit so he leaves. he never gets a text from saying she made it home so he stops at jj’s the next morning and brings a takeout container of waffles and a coffee complete with an outlandish amount of whipped cream and sugar to the parks department. he finds her asleep in the conference room. he starts trying to convince sweetums to donate more cotton candy machines that afternoon.

chris had to have known ben liked leslie. he’s not an idiot. in the deleted scene from their wedding, they read out emails from their “tumultuous first week in pawnee” and chris writes to ben saying, “why are you so focused on leslie knope?” ben replies saying, “i’m not. whatever. shut up.” there’s no way chris is this oblivious. ben takes her out for a beer. ben pays out of pocket for a children’s performer to help her out. ben shows up on chris and ann’s date just because he thinks leslie might be there. chris can’t be this dumb. but when they take the city manager jobs in pawnee, he knows it can’t happen so he cuts ben off when he starts to ask about dating someone in city hall. he cracks down on the rule in front of leslie after the tom incident to hammer it in. he starts setting ben up on a bunch of dates to try and head it off. he sends them to indianapolis for the little league pitch because, realistically, he knows they’re the best bet for success but makes sure to interrupt their dinner and invites them to his apartment to continue to run interference the rest of the night. after their fights in 4.06-4.08, he hopes he won’t have to worry anymore. the next work day, they come into his office looking nervous and happy and he knows he’s about to lose the partner and best friend that’s been by his side for the past decade.

april and andy knew they were secretly dating. it went unspoken aside from a few implicit teasing remarks from april and a few suggestive attempted high fives from andy but leslie assured ben they wouldn’t tell anyone despite their ostensible behavior.

BREAK UP

ben had commissioned the li’l sebastian plush for leslie after he had died but the toy shop didn’t finish it until after they broke up. he felt bad not going to pick it up so he did despite not being able to give it to her. he kept it for all those months and sometimes thought about getting rid of it but could never bring himself to do it.

when leslie made personalized copies her books for her friends with individualized annotations and notes in the bylines, she had two copies for ben. there was one that she gave him during their breakup that was very simplified and watered down where the note basically just said “i’m really glad you decided to stay in pawnee.” then there was a second copy that she kept while they were split up that was totally covered in notes and random thoughts she couldn’t say during their time apart. she gives him that copy when they get back together and it may or may not be the best gift he’s ever received.

april was much less abrasive with them during the break up because she’s a sweetheart and wants her friends to be happy.

the first time leslie admitted she was in love with him was during a long night of drinking and crying at ann’s house

ben craved the taste of sugar during their breakup because he got used to tasting the sweetness when he kissed her

ben found himself unable to sleep at night without the sound of leslie talking in her sleep to comfort him

april texted leslie the night of the halloween party to let her know that ben and andy were at the hospital after a fight and everything was fine and she didn’t need to worry. leslie was mad at andy for a few days after and he couldn’t figure out why.

the only photo in ben’s bedroom was of himself, leslie, and li’l sebastian at the harvest festival. if he got caught staring at it and crying, he would just say he missed li’l sebastian so much.

april and andy started having star wars and star trek movie nights to try and cheer ben up

DOMESTIC

ben and leslie got in the habit of having weekly game nights with april and andy during the campaign since they were all basically living together. it became a tradition that kept going as often as they could make it happen, even after the kids were born. they try to have game night at least once a month. april pretends to hate it.

one of my absolute favorite ideas about them is that she sleeps much better when he’s around to keep her grounded. after they get together for good, she starts getting closer to 5 hours of sleep a night.

another favorite involving leslie’s sleeping: ben is typically accustomed to tuning out incoherent nonsense that she babbles in her sleep but she also has some of her best ideas when she’s not busy trying to focus on a million different things. when he hears her coming up with legitimately good ideas or making speeches or having solid debate arguments, he takes out the notebook he keeps in his nightstand to record her thoughts and quotes. he revisits and revises the notes to strengthen her statements and make them more professional and less rambling but makes sure to keep her distinct voice apparent in them.

ben prefers pancakes to waffles but he will go to the grave with that secret

this isn’t a headcanon because nbc posted it but one of ben’s holidays on leslie’s calendar is watch synchronization day which is the day they celebrate syncing their watches to, as leslie puts it, “always be in harmony, like our hearts” which is just one of the sweetest fucking things in the world

leslie makes ben read and watch all the harry potters because he didn’t get into them when he first tried. ben is much more of a success than ann. she buys him a ravenclaw scarf for christmas.

their first fight as a couple was a historical debate gone awry

since ben clearly has some affinity for custom stuffed animals, he has some made for the triplets.

they’re both dog people but they adopt a cat because sonia and stephen beg for one and it does fit their busy lifestyle much better. they love the cat. they get a dog when the kids are older and life is slightly less hectic.

they both love striped shirts and sweaters so much that they have to make a conscious effort to avoid wearing them on the same day and matching

leslie makes sweets and bakes desserts while ben typically handles cooking the actual meals

BASED ON EPISODES, QUOTES, AND THROWAWAY LINES

i always loved the ann/ben dynamic in bus tour because there’s been such an obvious shift in ann’s attitude towards him in this episode. maybe it’s because she and tom just broke up and she just turned chris down again and she’s frustrated with relationships but i think it’s her realizing ben isn’t going anywhere. since the campaign is winding down, she realizes that things aren’t gonna go back to the way they were because ben is now part of this and he’s clearly in it for the long haul. ann’s definitely jealous that ben is just as important to leslie as she is and she now knows she’s never gonna get that full attention back. ann sits ben down to have a real “don’t you dare hurt her” speech after this ep and before win, lose, or draw. this is when he tells ann he wants to marry her.

they discover they both adore the princess bride after ben says “as you wish” to her one night and after that it becomes their movie.

the wildflower mural becomes a thing between them when ben says he considered that to be their first date, prompting leslie to tell him what the mural means to her.

ben puts banjo boogie bonanza on one of the mix cds he gives leslie at the beginning of their relationship

harrison ford movie nights start after they both reveal they had a crush on him as a kid. ben was obsessed with han solo and leslie was into indiana jones’ whole history teacher vibe.

they basically hate each other’s taste in music and stop exchanging mix cds once that becomes apparent that they aren’t gonna find much common ground. they both love tom petty, al green, and etta james and music in that vein though.

ben makes leslie watch game of thrones just to try to explain why he’s called her khaleesi. she gets into it, not so much because of the show itself, but because of how passionate her boyfriend is about it.

they start learning basic french during the s4 campaign because they think it will be useful to have a basic multilingual vocabulary for their political careers and because leslie confesses she has always dreamed of seeing paris. they study spanish next.

ben makes leslie watch the star wars prequels just so he can complain to her during them. he doesn’t think she’s paying attention and then he reads about midichlorians in the paper.

ann is also in on ben’s plan to sneak vegetables into leslie’s waffles.

they will sometimes jokingly refer to themselves as the “dream team” or “dynamic duo” because, despite chris’s absurdity, it’s true

i’m open to literally any origin of this because no matter what it’s perfect but i like to think that “i love you and i like you” started at some point in season 4 when, at some point, leslie went “i like you” and ben replied “you like me?” “mhm” “hm just like me?” “yes i like you. i love you and i like you. both.” “mmm i love you and i like you too”

i barely even register some of these things as headcanons since they just live so solidly in my brain

this might be my favorite ask ever thank you for loving benslie enough to ask me this and be genuinely interested

if anyone read all of this, i love you

[eyecicles]

Lawlight: 1,2,4,9,12,14,18,21,25 & 29. Sorry they are so many and thank you very much!!

1. Who makes the first move and how? 

Light. I mean, it depends, but in most of my Lawlight scenarios I want Light to make the first move. I like the thought of L subtly teasing Light for months after he becomes aware of Light’s crush on him. One day, Light, even though he knows it’s technically a bad idea, confesses to L just because his pride can’t take it anymore & it’s something L wouldn’t expect him to do. He would probably do it while L is stuffing his mouth with some cake just to see him choke.

2. Who is the most insecure and what makes them feel better?

Oh, that’s an interesting one. I don’t think either of them is insecure at all. Light canonically cares more about stuff like his image but if he were to start a relationship with L, he would fully commit to it. I doubt either L, or anyone else who might has to say something about their relationship, would make him insecure. He would more likely get angry. L, on the other hand, can be mopey and that’s probably the closest he can get to feeling insecure. And honestly, I think Light would be great at finding something that would reawaken L’s spirit. “I solved this puzzle in under 20 minutes - which means I just beat the world record, by the way - wanna try it?”

4. Who can’t keep their hands to themselves? 

L. I think Light is much more methodical with his touches and he doesn’t want anyone to witness their more intimate moments. L doesn’t care at all what other people think. If he’s needy, he’s embarrassingly obvious about it.

9. What is the most embarrassing thing they have done in front of each other? 

L has no shame. He shits in front of Light, he cleans his toenails in front of him, he casually puts his hand inside his underwear when he’s lying next to Light in bed. He would just say that they already know each other’s bodies intimately and that there’s no reason to hide their bodily functions from each other.

Light gets used to it after a while and, after three years of being together, Light sometimes doesn’t close the door when he’s peeing. That’s the most embarrassing thing, in his mind, he would ever do in front of anyone.

Also, they have very embarrassing debates in private. Mostly about stuff that, in their eyes, is too high and complex for other people to understand. In truth, it would just make them sound very childish and mean-spirited - like edgy 12 years olds, haha.

12. What first changes when it starts getting serious?

They don’t hide their genuine smiles from each other anymore

14. When one has a cold, what does the other do? 

Light makes L soup and brings him medicine, all while excessively sighing, and forces him to go too bed if it gets really bad. L asks Watari to take care of Light and covers his mouth and nose whenever they’re in the same room because he’s a bit of a germaphobe.

18. When they fight, how do they make up? 

As soon as Light isn’t angry anymore, he starts talking to himself in front of L, prompting him to say something. It’s usually about trivial stuff, like a newspaper article he doesn’t like. L just acts like nothing happened, puts his hand on Light’s knee or spoons him at night without mentioning their argument either.

It can be pretty difficult though, because neither of them like to apologise in a sincere way and the other one can see right through it. But they probably had some heated make-out sessions after fighting. I can’t really argue against this popular headcanon, lol.

21. Where do they get nervous about going with one another? 

Light gets nervous when he first touches L intimately because it’s the first time he touches a man; someone he actually feels attracted to. And it feels different than he thought it would feel. He probably has a bit of internalised homophobia, and since he’s not particularly good at being honest with himself, it would be quite a lot for him to face his deeply buried desires like that.

L only felt nervous for one second; right when he realised that Light is serious & that he doesn’t mind because he’s serious too. He never imagined himself in a committed relationship before, after all.

25. Why do they fight? 

They mostly argue about stuff like moral, justice, the justice system in general, tennis, vegetarianism vs veganism, how childish the other one is, how spoilt the other one is and how self-absorbed the other one. In my head, though, they don’t fight very often and very rarely seriously.

29. Why do they fall a little bit more in love? 

Stuff they learned about each other that made them fall in love with each other a bit more:

L flaps his hands when he’s excited

how L’s eyes reflect light (ha) in a very interesting way since they are so dark and large

L’s sense of humour is utterly disgusting and reprehensible, which is something Light secretly enjoys

L sometimes likes to watch shitty wildlife documentaries

after some years, L gives Light a file consisting of notes of L’s older cases and Light realises quickly that a) L was absolutely savage even as a teen, b) he still manages to surprise him with his insane little tricks, c) that the ache in his chest tells him that he wishes he could have known him as a child, or baby, or the soul he might have been before that

the first time Light ugly-laughed in front of L in an almost sadistic way felt like an epiphany to L

Light likes to play with his pen whenever he’s lost in thought

how carefully Light picks his socks while being otherwise quite effortlessly handsome, neat & proper

Light liked to get into stupid internet arguments as a teen and L is absolutely delighted when he manages to find some traces of them, because Light’s internet persona is quite fascinating

but mostly it’s that they, no matter how many people they met, just know that they won’t ever find someone like the other

[force-formed-archived-blog]

100 Days of Headcanons

Day 24 - Illness

TW: eating disorder

She doesn’t have things in her pantry, or her fridge, other than alcohol, a canned soup that must’ve been there for ages now, and some rice. There’s no point, she doesn’t have people over as much, and when she does, it’s always better to order out. And when she’s alone, she doesn’t eat.

She doesn’t eat in her house, or the station, or the street, or anywhere. It’s just something that doesn’t happen anymore, not until her body screams, begs, pleads for it. And then she’ll indulge, a skim portion of whatever, usually greasy or sugary, something that will keep her body deceived, until next time. And she’ll go back to coffee, and alcohol, and cigarettes, and work. She was actually not sure which was the distraction anymore, if food over work, or work over food.

It all started because of work, innocently enough, like most of the horrible habits she sported now. Too much work, so little time, and so she started cutting things out of her life. Friends, sleep, family, fun, love, food. And it remained like that. Somethings returned to her from time to time, like people, because they insisted enough, to be let in again. But food is not that strong, it’s even weaker than sleep, and she slept so little too.

When she was a rookie, a beat cop, an officer, her mother forced her to eat, to take the time and have something in the break room, or go out and eat with some co-workers. When she was a Detective, most nights she found herself going to a bar or another, and sharing some fries or whatever, over the almost mandatory drinks. But when she reached Chief, well- everything became harder. After all, who could order the Chief around?

She was alone now, no mother to push her, no nearby family to worry for her, phone calls and letters could only do so much, after all, and then Tenzin left. And that was probably the last little push she needed to let herself forget about food, and about herself. Her officers tried, worried over her working tirelessly, and brought her stuff; and she smiled, and thanked them, or barked something about how she didn’t need anything at them, or just plain ignored the take out bag on her desk, until its smell was too much, and she took it out, giving it to the first person she saw living poorly on the streets. They needed it more.

There were catches to this, of course there were, life was never as easy as one would like it to be. If she visited the palace, she had to eat, if she was invited to a gala, she had to pretend, if she was asked, she had to lie. Some places were better than others, it had taken her some time, but she had learned to play the game properly now. Things like “I ate on the way here”, “I’m feeling a little sick today”, “I have plans for dinner already”, left her lips so easily now. Pushing food around her plate, making small talk, distracting people, until everyone stopped eating and she could leave the table, she was an expert in that. Wasn’t that awful? Wasn’t she so disgusting? She thought she was.

Her father was a weak point of hers, of course. If he invited her to lunch, she knew she would have to eat, and she felt sick until the moment came, her stomach clenching, and throat closing, and bile rising to her mouth. And she would read the menu three or four times, trying to decide what would be the lesser evil, what she could stomach more easily, what she would feel less grossed out by, the smallest portion on the place. And even then, she would try to avoid having to finish it, claiming whatever stupid excuse she could come up with. But her father would stare at her, worry on the wrinkles by his golden eyes, pleading eyes, for her to eat, to be okay, to be healthy.

But that was the thing, she felt healthy, enough. She ordered food at home sometimes. Usually noodles, and dumplings, that were always her favourites, Water Tribe food, that reminded her of Katara, Fire Nation cuisine, spicy, filled with flavour, tasting like home. And she held the chopsticks in her hand, until her fingers started shaking, with want, with guilt, with fear, with self hatred. It was so very wrong. She was wrong, all over. Why couldn’t she enjoy it? She wanted it so much, her mouth watered, but her eyes also watered, filled with tears, blurring her view, and her chest felt tight, and she heaved, and sobbed, over a stupid take out cardbox. Healthy, what a joke.

And she glares at the food, from a barstool on her kitchen counter, entertaining a glass of whisky, doing this insane dancing around of the thing, a repulsive seduction, a loathsome acceptance of her own desire for food. And she ate, a bite, two, and gagged, and cursed, digging her fingernails on her arms, tears falling freely down her cheeks now, the chopsticks pressed hard in her hand, until she broke them, until she bled, and choked on her own heavy breathing, the room closing in on her.

She took a shower then, hitting at the wall, scalding her skin with the water, scrubbing the intoxicating smell of the food off of her, insulting every piece of herself she could think of. Because she wasn’t even a whole person anymore, she was bits and pieces, scattered around close enough that she appeared whole on the outside, but separated just enough, so that she could not make out the figure of what she once was. Why? What happened? And how? And how to fix it? And her?

There had been times, lowest points in her life, if there was even such thing as lower anymore, where she had found herself kneeling over her toilet, emptying the contents of her stomach, until there were only heaves left, and bile, and blood, and tears. And hate. Hate because why, how, could she lose control of herself like that? If she ate, she had to at least keep it in, take responsibility of her actions, abide by the commitment she had chosen to make. That was what was wrong everywhere, lack of commitment, and she didn’t feel like making any, anymore. She was tired of things not leaving her, work, words, thoughts, feelings, everything forever embedded in her. And food was just like that, it didn’t leave you. But you could make it leave, unlike other things, other people.

Galas, social compromises, outings, those were the worst combinations for her. Because people always expected her to eat, to converse, to be normal, contented, amicable, and she could not. Not anymore. And she could hardly even listen, to people saying all sorts of moronic stuff, too absorbed in their own minuscule world that they failed to see around themselves, obtuse people who had no care for anyone but themselves, and their conceited ideas. And so she ate, to keep her mouth shut, to keep their mouths shut, their voices muted over the thoughts that ran inside her head. Telling her how gross she was being, how disgusting, she should stop, she should not eat anymore, she should throw up. She should. She would. It was okay if she chose to, right? Her body, her choice. She was choosing this.

So she excused herself, and went to the farthest bathroom, to the last stall, and kneeled. There was a process to it, were she changed her breathing on the way there, starting the heaves voluntarily, pressing on her stomach ever so slightly, tying her hair back, and having the utmost care not to splatter on her outfit. Of course there were easier foods to get out, and some that hurt like a bitch, but she had also learned that, and how to fix it, make it easier for her. And if she couldn’t, if she failed, and her throat ended up raw, and she had the iron tang of her own blood on her lips, well, it had been her choice. And she’ll live with it.

She always lived with it. With everything. Nothing ever left her. Not even the food she so carefully avoided, or that she so methodically threw up. It lingered in her head, a gruesome reminder that she had failed yet again. That she could not control a single thing in her life, she could kid herself, bend rock, and metal, and her officer’s wills, but for what? At what cost? What was the point of it, when the important things, the important people, escaped her grasp, like sand escaping between her fingers, as she watched, teary-eyed, and pressed the button of the toilet, letting it all go away.