#also Flip I love Sean so much!!!!

[chez-cinnamon]

FRANKS GOTH FRIENDS NEED NAMES

Indeed they do, same with designs!! Meet the Emo Kids Devin, Taffy and Lynk, three out of four alt kids who basically live at the mall; the fourth is called Sean and belongs to my lovely moot @muppetsbunker who is shown below in the following doodles:

They found Frank having a meltdown outside the bathrooms and took him with them to the cafeteria to calm down!!

They immediately took to their new friend!! :D

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Can I ask, why do you love BL romance better than het romance? What makes them better? I did not mean anything negative, and I know everyone have their own like and dislike but I want to know your thoughts....

Also what do you think that made Asian MLM (BL manga/manhwa/manhua/tv series/movies) romances better than western MLM romances?

Hello! Yes you are more than welcome to ask :) I truly, truly love getting asks in my inbox and have been having so much fun with the fact I’ve actually been getting some recently! Warning this is long (but i have TL;DRs for everything)

___

I think the fastest answer for me is that I am queer, and therefore I find I have a lot more enjoyment and interest in watching queer stories compared to heterosexual ones.

Also, I find a lot of heterosexual romances to be steeped in misogyny, and have low-key or high-key abusive dynamics. And again, do not get me wrong, there are plenty of queer shows where there are abusive dynamics in play, but it is much harder for misogyny to be committed between two men than it is for misogyny to be placed on a male/female pairing. (I love GLs cause, you know…women, but there are a lot more complex dynamics going in to stories written about two women and those can get much trickier for me, and unfortunately many narratives love punishing lesbains with death so.... Anyway, I’m trying to stick mostly to BLs since that is primarily what this ask is about.)

Additionally, I love BLs more than heterosexual romances because of how BLs treat men. Men in heterosexual romances, especially in the West are extremely masculine, often unable to be in touch with their emotions, jaded, misogynistic, they have to be extremely muscular, and we almost never see femme boys or men.

BLs have such a vast range of men, they have twinks, they have femmes, they have gym bros. They have the clowns, and the super masculine boys. There are shows that let boys be boys, be stupid, and stinky, and fucking gross (hey Pat from Bad Buddy), they let boys be angry and aggressive and express their emotions that way (Sean and Yok’s fight in Not Me, Han Baram and Im Hantae’s conversation in the boxing ring in Sing My Crush, Lom and Nuea in The Wedding Plan, Patts in La Pluie), they let boys fight and wrestle and play (Bad Buddy, My School President, Moonlight Chicken, Only Friends). I love queer stories that let men be gay and ensure through the story that that never undermines their masculinity. I love that there are shows that focus on the progress older men can make in their relationships (What Did You Eat Yesterday?) THEY ARE ALSO ALLOWED TO CRY!!!!

And though it is still kind of rare, Asian BLs actually do have femme boys, and while I am sure femme boys exist in Western shows, I think Pose and fucking Glee are like…the only two shows with queer people that I have seen in the last decade that have an femme boy representation at all. On the flip side, I love how often GMMTV puts their boys in drag and that doesn’t even have to be in a queer show. I also generally love the fact that most of the male actors in Asian BLs, and again, especially in Thailand embrace their femme sides in photoshoots and whatnot, that they wear earrings, and jewelry, and makeup and they look hot as fuck, because it helps me with my own gender identity. I feel and see myself much more masculine (and have less dysphoria) when I have an earring or a necklace or makeup on, now that I have seen so many boys do the same. 

TL;DR: I am queer, and heterosexual romances are frequently misogynistic, and men are extremely masculine and rarely allowed to be soft. Asian BLs give us a very broad range of masculinity, but often let boys be boys while also kissing boys. And actors embracing their femme sides helps me feel more masculine when I lean in to my femme side.

___

As for Asian MLM romances compared to Western MLM romances, obviously this is not a cut and dry thing, not all Asian BLs are going to be better than Western BLs but I find I have a tendency to enjoy Asian BLs/queer media more for a few reasons, generally in order of most to least important for me:

Reason One- Family

This may seem somewhat surprising because the first, and honestly biggest reason I tend to like Asian BLs more than Western BLs has much less to do with the queer aspect. It's actually the family dynamics. I think Western media very frequently has a tendency to be very binary in their portrayal of family dynamics, if family is at all included in Western narratives the relationships that characters have to their family is either almost wholly good, or almost wholly bad. You either have a very abusive household that a character is trying to avoid or flee, or you have a traditional, happy, nuclear family, and when characters have a strained relationship to their family, I have noticed a lot more narrative support for leaving that family behind. But for the most part, family does not play a huge role in most Western shows (and, wild concept to me, it’s part of why I think shows like Succession are so successful, because that is all about complex, fucked up, and loving relationships within a family). 

Whereas, in Asian media, far more frequently family and family dynamics play a huge role in the character’s lives, behaviors, and can influence the story. And because filial piety is such an important aspect to many Asian cultures, you get a lot more interesting parent/child relationships out of Asian media than you do with Western content. And I am a white Westerner, but I am fundamentally, culturally a Southerner and despite no longer being a woman, I will never shed the mantle of Eldest Daughter. And that has resulted in a sense of family responsibility and piety that ends up making it very very easy for me to understand the motivations of the characters that remain loyal to their family even when their family is asking for things from them that run counter to their own desires or happiness (I’ve actually had this conversation a lot with @waitmyturtles about the intersections of Southern culture and Asian culture).

And similarly, I find that a lot of Western media with queer characters at least in the time frame that I have been able to find content with queer characters is either wholly homophobic, or wholly accepting. And do not get me wrong, we get family dynamics like that in Asian BLs too, but we also get parents who are upset about their child’s queerness, and will voice that, and yet who still take care of their children. I’m thinking of the film I watched just the other day called Margarita with a Straw where the main character’s mother can barely look or talk to her daughter when she comes out, but because she is disabled, her mother is still there preparing food for her, bathing her, etc. because even if she is upset about her child’s queerness she can’t stop taking care of her. And those aren’t dynamics I often see in Western media. 

I don’t see relationships like Sawismol and Wang in Western media, where a mother can look at her child and say, out loud that she is disappointed, and to be upset, and to still, despite everything, be the person that her son goes to for comfort when he is absolutely devastated, and I don’t see Western parents sitting there and performing that comfort even when they are disappointed in their children’s queerness.

TL;DR: Family dynamics feel a lot more built out, realistic, and complex in many Asian BLs/media that I’ve seen, than they do in many Western shows. Until I started watching Asian media, I had not seen the dynamics I have with my mother or my father played out on screen. 

Reason Two- Casual Trans Inclusion 

And, as a trans person myself, part of what makes Asian BL shows, Thai shows much more specifically, so important, interesting, and influential to me when compared to Western BLs is the casual inclusion of trans people. Like, that is just something Western media is barely ready for. It’s not non-existent. We have and have had shows like The Fosters, Sense8, Pose, The Owl House, and Heartstopper that have some trans rep. But a lot of those shows have a hefty component to them that shows the struggles of being trans.

In The Fosters we have to watch Cole nearly die trying to get his hands on testosterone, in Sense8 we have to watch Nomi be kept as a medical prisoner and stripped of her autonomy and almost lobotomized, in Pose we are constantly exposed to the very real dangers that trans women of color experience including murder, in Heartstopper we are spared from having to witness the transphobia Elle went through, but it is mentioned. I think the only one of these shows that doesn’t have some element of struggle because a character is trans is The Owl House and let us not forget that Raine Whispers goes through fucking hell in that show. And these conversations, and the demonstrations of struggle to just survive and thrive despite that is vitally important in a society that is pushing closer and closer towards genocide against trans people. Stories that show the struggles of trans people exist for the sake of realism but also serve as an attempt to try to garner empathy towards trans people by cisgender viewers. 

Thailand does have stories where a trans character experiences transphobia (3 Will Be Free, The Warp Effect, Secret Crush on You), but they also have so many stories where trans people are literally just vibing. Do you know how revolutionary it was for me when I watched KinnPorsche and saw Yok, and she was happy, and beautiful, and fun, and her entire plot centered around her running that bar, flirting with boys, and playing surrogate mother to Porsche? Or just to see trans women existing, who aren’t even central to the plot, but are just there? (Payu’s secretary at the auto shop is a trans woman, Golf Tanwarin was at the inclusive cafe in The Eclipse, Golf Kittipat had an illustrious career as a music producer in My School President). Like that shit is SO important to me, and I never, never see it in Western media. 

TL;DR: There are many Thai shows especially where trans people just exist, and they have plots that aren’t always centered around them being trans. Which is revolutionary, coming in as a trans Western viewer where the majority of trans rep in Western shows makes me eventually have to watch trans people suffer. 

Reason Three- Passion Projects

The film industry is huge and pervasive in Western culture, and in the US especially, and with that comes big budget projects that stretch out as long as they can squeeze a cent out of a fan base. As a result you get shows that are too long, you get shows that ruin their premise in the last season after five to fifteen years of dragging the shambling corpse of a story along. And again, do not get me wrong, there are plenty plenty of Asian BLs that are cash grabs, that are terrible, where the actors aren’t really in it. But, most BLs in Asia are one season, they get in, they get out, and you forget it if it’s bad, or you hate it forever if it’s objectively bigoted. But the time commitment to terrible pieces is a lot shorter. 

That said, when you have a low budget, and a story you want to tell, it makes my love so much more. Because it means the crew, the writers, the director, and often time the actors are there because they want to be there, because they like the story they are telling, because they have a story they want to tell. It’s part of why I love shows like The Eclipse so much, because that show was made with a budget mainly comprised of pocket lint and hope, because Golf Tanwarin had something they wanted to say.  Most if not all of Aof Nopparnach’s shows give genuinely, inherently queer stories that speak to queer people. Jojo Tichakorn makes pieces that are so full of queer lenses you could never deny the inherent queerness in his shows, even if the story is primarily focused on a straight person/relationship (Mama Gogo). There are so many shows in the Asian BL world where you can just tell that everyone is having fun. LIsten, Fish Upon the Sky is an extremely problematic show, but for me it felt like everyone had a great time goofing off on that set. You can tell EV-ER-Y-BOD-Y in the cast of Mama Gogo  was having the time of their motherfucking lives. 

I also think the West is very self-congratulatory and tends to hold themselves as the standard of televisions and acting, when I am over here watching Asian BLs with some of the strongest acting from young people I have ever seen, and having it be written off because its a) low budget b) gay and c) in another language. Like, when I try to get people in to BL I start with shows like KinnPorsche (which I know drives @bnegiyo mad) cause it has a much higher production value than many other Asian BLs without being prestige and therefore can’t radically alter the perception of what BL is (hello ITSAY/IPYTM and 180 Degrees), Thai BLs especially. And I figure that is the only way to show someone the level of absurdity and camp that comes from a lot of BLs, while also maintaining their interest because it has a higher production value, so that if they end up enjoying that they are more willing to watch the low budget shows. 

TL;DR: Many Asian BLs are pretty low budget, compared to like any Western show, which I find to mean we have more stories in Asian BL that people actually want to tell. (there are still very many shows that people seem to just kinda show up for, or get bored with partway through [looking at you Tee] but.)

Reason Four- Abundance

There are 

So 

Many 

Asian 

BLs 

Here's a fraction of my watch list

I have watched 81 in roughly the last year, and there are so many more on my Plan to Watch list, and there are more coming out all the time. The West has given me like…two, maybe three. And when we do get good queer shows in the West, they are frequently canceled before completion. Especially if they are on Netflix. 

We lost Sense8, fans had to fight for Out Flag Means Death to get renewed, The Owl House got cancelled by Disney after giving their main character a girlfriend, ND Stevenson had to write two ending to She-Ra and fought tooth and fucking nail to get the gay one, Legend of Korra had to save the gay kiss until the end just like She-Ra had to. If you want to get depressed here is a link to an article ‘50 TV shows with Lesbian, Bisexual, and Queer characters cancelled after one season’. Because most Asian BLs are meant to be only one season, we actually get complete stories, rather than ending with unresolved tension, or cliffhangers. 

TL;DR: there is a metric fuck ton of Asian BLs

Reason Five- Sex

The West, especially the US, tends to have a very puritanical view of sex (which makes sense because the Puritans were some of the first colonizers…I mean colonials…to murder everyone and occupy…uh, I mean settle the United States (I would also like to place blame on the Italians and Spanish [hey Columbus] and their Catholicism AND PROTESTANT CALVINISM that also influenced the pervasive societal views of sex and especially gay sex in the United States).  

With ever increasing homophobia and transphobia, so many shows are trying, in my own personal opinion, to garner empathy, sympathy, and acceptance for queer characters by cisgender and/or heterosexual viewers by making their queer characters flat, two-dimensional, virginal, perfect people. But homophobes and transphobes consider holding hands to be just as grotesque and inappropriate as full on porn. With Western, and especially US based, views of sex, many queer characters are sanitized, sex scenes are rare, and if they do exist at all they are usually in shows that have mature ratings. 

That is not the case with Asian BLs. Like, do not get me wrong, there are plenty of pure, virginal, don’t kiss, barely touch BLs out there, but because there are so many BLs, there are also plenty of shows with lots of physical intimacy and multiple make out scenes that aren’t maturely rated, as well as plenty of maturely rated shows that have multiple sex scenes AND CAN INCLUDE KINK WHICH LIKE!!!!! I rarely see in the Western media I’ve watched. Hell, Sense8 is a sexual liberation show that includes multiple orgies, but there is not even a hint of any other kink (besides whatever Dani, Lito, and Hernando have going on).

gif by @radishayuan

Meanwhile, The Warp Effect has fucking puppy play, Bed Friend has pet play, Laws of Attraction which has a couple pretty chaste kisses shows handcuffs to at least imply kink, there’s a ball gag and a fucking leash in Big Dragon, I haven’t seen it but Unforgotten Night has a lot of BDSM themes in it, Rain and Payu have a dom/sub dynamic going on, we have daddy kinks abound, I also haven’t seen this one but I know there is some belt bondage in War of Y. And even if it isn’t shown, kink and bondage specifically are often referenced in passing in shows with sex.

Also, there are very very very few Western shows I have seen that treat sex workers kindly, and Jojo Tichakorn is right there giving us sex workers as main characters multiple times in a row. Taiwan has great physical chemistry, the very few things I have seen from the Phillipines are so fucking queer, Japan even when they aren’t including sex at all have some extremely queer narratives, and when they are including sex? Holy fuck. South Korea is developing, but I have liked what I’ve seen so far, and it’s been fun seeing very rapid progressions in the level of physical intimacy characters are allowed to have, Thailand has been making a name for itself.  

TL;DR: There is a very broad range of physical intimacy in Asian BLs from no sex to lots of sex, but the abundance of content means I am seeing more shows with gay sex in them in like…a month or two, than shows I have seen in the West with gay characters at all in like…the past year. (This is of course, subjective, don’t ask me for real numbers). 

And, you know, in case this response wasn’t long enough, the amount of queer content, the types of stories being told, the rapid and continued development of BL is super interesting to observe in its own right. Sure, it may be driven by marketability and sales, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t some truly important, realistic, vital, and beautiful pieces of queer media being created and shared with the world, a lot of which is much more accessible to audiences than Western media. I go heavy on the Thai shows in part because they are available for free on YouTube. 

I also think the West seems to think that having gay marriage is the be all, end all of queer inclusivity, and that they do not realize that countries without gay marriage are creating some of the most realistic queer content out there right now. The West has a lot it can learn from Asian BLs, but in my opinion, we’ve got our heads too far up our asses to be following their lead.

[tempting-andromeda]

Omg omg omg idk if your requests are opened but if they are then pleaseee accept this request. (It’s totally okay if you don’t want to though!)

Ok so Kieran, Charles, Sean, Bill, and Lenny and how they’d react to finding their s/o hidden somewhere crying. Like she’s (or they, whichever you prefer to write) overthinking and starts to wonder if they even actually love her.

Again, it’s completely fine if you don’t wanna write this but thank you so much if you do, and have a nice day! (Or night, whatever it is for you😭)

Hehe I love requests also Ngl I didn’t know people found Bill attractive…do I add him to the list of hc?

Characters:

Kieran Duffy, Charles Smith, Sean MacGuire, Bill Williamson, Lenny Summers

Kieran Duffy

He kinda thinks you were ignoring him at first but after a while he goes searching for you and finds you kinda off somewhere away from camp

He’s super hesitant to interrupt you but the minute he hears you crying he’s immediately by your side trying to comfort you.

“H-hey…whatcha crying about?” He asks softly as he gently touched your arm to gain your attention.

He’s probably the most soft and comforting person even if he’s shaking from anxiety at the fact that you’re crying and he doesn’t know why. He overthinks a bit himself until you tell him how you feel

“I love you…really I do. I’m sorry if I didn’t show it but I’m showing’ ya now.” He mumbled softly as he moved closer to you and slowly began to rub your back, wanting to comfort you

He definitely bumps up his show of live for you afterwards by telling you he loves you, physical touch, helping you with your chores.

Charles Smith

At first he thinks you just need time away and he’s like “they weren’t in the best moods :/“ but still gives you space

After a while he realizes he should check on you so he finds you and once he notices you’re crying it’s a a switch flips

He gives you a soft “hey…what’s the matter?” And he crouched down in front of you and takes your hands

You don’t respond immediately but he’s not really that hurt by it. He knows you need time and he gives it to you but he doesn’t leave your side once

Once you tell him how you feel he lets out a small chuckle and pulls you to his chest.

“I promise you it’s just your mind telling you that. I love you and I’ll tell you every day if I have to.”

Sean MacGuire

Sean doesn’t even think twice about you walking off. He probably thinks you’re just going off to do your business but after a while he starts to realize you’re gone for a bit too long.

He follows you expecting to find you sneaking a nap or doing something you’re not supposed to but once he hears your stifled cries he panics

He’s immediately on his knees in front of you frantically touching and grabbing you, trying to figure out what’s wrong. It’s probably not the best way to comfort you but he’s trying and he’s worried about you.

“Hey, hey, hey why the tears?” He asks worriedly as he lifts your face to look at him, clearly concerned and confused.

Once you confess your worries he just blurts out “I like ya! I love ya even!” Because he wholeheartedly means it.

Bill Williamson

Okay I don’t think bill would be the best with pda so when you go off to let go of your emotions he watches you and just lets you go

But after a while he realizes it’s been a while and he reluctantly follows you, a little annoyed you haven’t gotten back yet

When he sees you crying he hesitantly makes his way to you and just tried to think of what he did or what anyone else did to make you cry.

He’s real awkward comforting you. He just pats your back and tries to think of what to say or do and kinda overthinks himself

“Sorry if I did anything…I’ll make it right.” He mumbles after a moment of silence and once you tell him how you feel he’s kinda taken back

“Course I love ya, wouldn’t be tryin to comfort you if I didn’t.” He grumbles, a bit offended you thought he didn’t like you.

He’s blunt about it but it’s also how you know he’s telling the truth.

Lenny Summers

He probably doesn’t realize you’ve been off for so long until he’s done with his chores and he’s like “hm where did they go?” And then goes to look for you

He finds you hiding somewhere and at first he’s a little amused because he doesn’t really notice your tears but once he sees them he’s instantly worried

“Hey…what’s with the tears?” He whispers as he brushed your tears from your face.

He doesn’t overthink too much but it’s obvious he’s worried about you. He gives you time to tell him how you feel and he presses a soft kiss to your forehead

“Don’t worry. I love you. If I could I’d spend everyday tellin’ you I love you. Might just make that the plan.” He says warmly, trying to boost your mood yet also telling you how he feels truthfully

[squishi-bunni]

Could you possibly write some hcs for sean diaz with a s/o that's very into fashion design and sewing? I like the idea of someone sketching designs with him in mind and surprising him with a jacket or something :3

Ofc! This sounds super fun and cute :3

-You and Sean would spend days sketching together. You would sketch patterns or concepts for garments and Sean would draw the landscape around him, characters he’s made up on a whim, or you

Let’s be real, this man is a cheeseball and will have sketches of you littering every piece of paper he can get his hands on

But I digress!

-Even though Sean can be very guarded about his sketchbook, he will most definitely be sneaking a peak at yours

And by sneaking a peak I mean leaning over, nose in your face, not discreet at all, looking at your drawings

You push him away and smile. “Your big ass nose is blocking my view!”

He’d pout afterward. “Wow, rude.”

You’d just stick your tongue out at him

-He always thought your designs were cool

-Sometimes when you’re not looking, he’d take your unattended sketchbook and flip through the pages

-He’d be so enamored with your designs

Even if a design isn’t within his personal style, he still loves it

But, when something is his taste, he wishes so desperately that maybe, just maybe, you’d make it for him

-Sometimes you’d sketch specifically designed fabrics or materials you needed but couldn’t find for a project, so Sean would take pictures of the page you drew them on

-For your birthday, Sean would surprise you with the exact fabric you needed

“How did you—did you snoop in my sketchbook?”

He looks do the ground, but there’s not an ounce of guilt in his smile. “Maybeee”

“You’d get so mad if I ever did that you, but” you kiss his cheek “Thank you, you’re sweet

He’d be blushing and all giddy after that

But obviously, in all his teenage boy glory, he’d try to play it cool,

And fail miserably

-In return, you designed and made a jacket for him.

-You’d noticed that he was super into the grunge and skater styles, so you wanted to make him a zip-up hoodie 

-You made it a baggier fit, since that’s in style, and the fabric was black. You made the cuffs and zipper-lining orange and the hem and hoodie trim blue (copying the colors from his well-loved “Squad” hoodie). You also added white hoodie strings

-You also embroidered a huge wolf on the right arm

-When you gave the gift to him on his birthday, his jaw was on the floor

“Woah! Y/n! This is so cool… and did you design the wolf by hand? Wow…”

You just smile.

He hugs you. “Thank you so much! This is so cool…”

He immediately puts it on and drags you with him to the skatepark

“Look at what Y/N just made me!” he shouts at his friends

You blush, but you feel a sense of pride that he’s so happy with something you made

-Sean starts wearing your jacket every day instead of his hoodie, but now you get his formerly favorite hoodie, so it’s a win-win.

Sorry that this request took so long! You probably forgot that you even submitted this lol. Still, I hope you enjoyed <3

[arcadiabaytornado]

any thoughts about steph gingrich you wanna share? vague question i know, but im just curious if you have anything you were thinking about.

Hmmm....I think one of the most interesting things about True Colors is that Steph doesn't get to complete her arc unless Alex romances her.

We get a lot of love interests over the Life Is Strange series, and nearly every one gets to complete their arc regardless of their romance status.

Chloe can either accept her destiny and die on Monday like fate decided, or she can flip fate off and survive the storm at a great cost. Warren gets to share his feelings with Max. Cassidy get's to find someone she truly connects with. Finn's arc goes full circle and he once again gets ratted out by someone he cares about, or it goes a different way and Sean protects him from the police. Ryan can stand by Alex during the council meeting regardless of if he was romanced or not.

But Steph is different.

If you romance Ryan during your playthrough of True Colors, the game will end with Steph leaving Haven with "almost no warning" and the game will say that it hurt Alex. So, in other words, Steph is once again running from her problems, which is the exact same thing she was doing when the game started.

I think that's a super interesting direction to take a romancable character. It shows how much of an impact Alex has on Steph's life, and how much their relationship means to her. However, it's also shows without saying that Gabe was the only truly deep connection she made in her time at Haven before Alex arrived.

Steph's decision to keep running unless Alex gives her a reason to stay says SO MUCH about her character in all the most interesting ways, and there's so much to think about within her character when you take consideration that she's the only LIS love interest that stay's stagnant in her development unless she's romanced. It all makes for very good characterization.

[7grandmel]

Rip of the week: 21/10/2024

Through the Bad Apples!!

Season 8

No Album Release

Bad Apple!! (UK Version) - Touhou 4: Lotus Land Story

Ripped by Ellie53 (@ellie53real)

Made legendary through Guitar Hero III, Through the Fire and Flames is a song known far and wide across the internet; a piece of mainstream music that pierces through to the most shut-in of nerds due to the gaming legacy tied to it. It was the ultimate challenge for play in the ultimate Guitar Hero release, an absolutely unmissable part of pop culture of the 7th generation of gaming, and of course an absolute shredding banger in its own right. It's a natural fit for the SiIvaGunner channel, and ever since around ~Season 5 or so it's seen a pretty notable uptick in appearances - you may remember my writing of the legendary Through the F​-​F​-​Fire and the F​-​F​-​Flames, championing its ripper for his incredible ambitions and efforts made to make the rip feel as complete as it does. Its the typical fun of SiIvaGunner arrangement rips, the age-old question of how to transfer one song's intensity into the framework of a different song or video game's sound; Float Islands (Kirby 64 Arrangement), FEEL SO FINE STUCK INSIDE, and of course medley rips like SNES Mini Circulation all show just why it's such an appealing prospect. And so, we've seen a fair few rips aiming to do just what Through the F​-​F​-​Fire and the F​-​F​-​Flames did: take the legendary song and rearrange it in the style of a different game.

While the SiIvaGunner channel comes with a lot of repeating gags and bits, the ways in which they employ these can vary a fair bit. The channel's foundational meme, the ever-present funny Flintstone man Grand Dad which I wrote about on Waluigi Pinball (Beta Mix), is a simple leitmotif of just 15 notes, which makes it incredibly flexible; it can be employed as a standalone joke as practice for greenhorn rippers, or be wormed into the middle of more complex project. Memes like We Are Number One meanwhile have a very funny sound to them, yet require a lot of time and care to get to sound as good as rips like Robbie's Rotten Mine or Ska Cha Cha (Rotten Mix). And then, on the side of the spectrum completely opposite to Grand Dad, we have the jokes that feel more like a complete and total flex on the part of the ripper employing them. These "bits" are the ones that aren't necessarily reoccurring due to being funny, but rather due to being bangers with a complexity inherent to their composition, which makes any rip employing them feel like a big event. The main example would be Final Fantasy VII's One Winged Angel as featured on rips like I will Never be a Redneck, yet perhaps just as impressive are rips utilizing Dragonforce's legendary Through the Fire and Flames; rips like, indeed, Through the Bad Apples!!.

In large part, that is what Through the Bad Apples!! also does to great effect, imbuing the track with the distinct sound of the Touhou franchise. You can read the entries on V.NR. One Was Four? and Beautiful! ~ Curveball of Sean Kingston to learn more about it, but to keep it concise it's a sound that I very much admire and enjoy despite having very little knowledge of the Touhou series as a whole. One Touhou song I'm most DEFINITELY aware of, however, is Bad Apple!! - perhaps the series' most virally spread anthem, and one that I officially fell in love with all the way back in Season 3 of SiIvaGunner through Imperial Touwer. It is, in many ways, a song just as legendary and known to the video game mainstream - if not moreso - as Through the Fire and Flames. And so, in some sense, it was only logical for Through the Bad Apples!! to instead flip things on its head.

Indeed, the rip isn't an arrangement of the Dragonforce track kept to the soundscape of Touhou 4; uniquely, it's instead the other way around, an arrangement of Bad Apple!! using the instrumental sound of Through the Fire and Flames. Upon relistening to Through the Fire and Flames a few times before writing this post, I had forgotten just how video game-y the original track actually already sounds, with a chirpy synth accentuating several key moments of the performance that just oozes 90s video games. As a result, the two tracks feel closer to one another than you'd once think; and Through the Bad Apples!! as a result manages to feel less like a straight interpretation of one into the other, and more like an even blend of the two sounds.

I'm yet to cover much of what Ellie53 has done on SiIvaGunner before this post, but she's been a constant presence on the channel since the tail end of Season 5, no doubt soon becoming aware of the rising prominence of Through the Fire and Flames rips. She's also tinkered around with Bad Apple!! in particular with Maçã Ruim!! back in Season 7; and so, I suppose it only makes sense that one would eventually put the pieces together and try their hand at mixing the two into one. Through the Bad Apples!! feels WELL worth the wait and is a shining example of Ellie53's growth as a ripper, and I'm hopeful that Through the Fire and Flames sticking around on SiIvaGunner for the foreseeable future can continue to inspire rippers just like Ellie53 to keep finding new ways to experiment with its sound.

Long live Dragonforce!

[moth-related-inquiries]

Hi! I read your oneshot involving Micah and fem child reader and absolutely loved it! I never thought i could see Micah ever taking on the role of a parental figure but you did such a good job tying his character into a role that i thought would never fit him! I was wondering if you could expand more on their dynamic afterwards and how reader would interpret his ‘cull the weak beliefs’ do you think teaching her these would ever come to backfire on him later especially if used against him?

Micah Bell and Fem! Child Reader Pt2: Knives Out

Warnings: incredibly angsty, Micah Bell, you're gonna hate this if u love Micah LOL, lots of murder, terrible beliefs, graphic description of murder, and child death.

tldr: Micah Bell's teachings came to bite him back in the ass. :( Nobody close to him can be happy.

A/n: Hi, Anon! Thank you for the req ♡♡♡ I'm so glad you liked my last fic! I hope you like this one, too. Feel free to send any more requests you might have :p

Listen while you read?:

Today was your third month of 'bonding,' as Micah liked to call it. You'd slowly progressed from being as terrible of a shot as Sean Macguire to being fairly good at your shots. Of course, you weren't as good as Micah, but he congratulated you on your significant progress. Unlike the others, Micah has been surprisingly patient with you. There were a lot of things he had to teach and show you, and you seemed to learn best when you were in the middle of action.

Not only had you become a better shot, but you'd also become a more malleable tool. When you finished your first robbery, Micah decided that from now on you weren't going by your old name. The Bell family had a very specific practice they used when choosing names. For the first time in a long time, he flipped open a Bible and scoured its pages for a suitable name. Eventually, he settled on Elisabeth, the technical grandmother of Jesus. Not because she was a humble or remarkable woman, but because she was stubbornly faithful. Like a dog.

He hoped that, since he'd earned your trust, you'd follow him like a dog to the ends of the earth. And that you did. No matter what he did, where he went, or who he killed, he stayed as your role model. Beyond that, he was also your new father figure. Sure, you liked Dutch and Hosea, but they never saw things from your point of view like Micah did. The Dutch, for one, insisted on the dramatics constantly. He'd make up schemes to entertain himself and some big wig bastard, then steal the money. Which probably would've entertained you if you had the patience. And Hosea, well, he didn't enjoy the 'thrill' of murdering and robbing the same way that you did. Meaning that he liked making a fool of himself and then leaving with a small sum of money.

Not to mention that Micah secretly found both of them to be fools in their own ways. You thought, at first, that he saw you as a fool too, but he assured you that you were anything but. He called you his 'kinfolk.' His kid. You found it odd. He claims to be so strong, yet he practically creates his own weakness. With this idea in mind, you began to dissect some of his flaws.

When the two of you were in camp, you noticed that he was anything but pleasant to the other members. He often harassed and berated many of the women in camp, too, which you found odd. Even odder was the fact that he berated Jack, which made you curious. Was he perhaps jealous of John and Abigail for their achievements? It seemed so. You guessed that he was jealous because he too wanted a family, no matter how dysfunctional. Though he hadn't had much luck considering that, like the stupid man he is, he took his anger out on all the women around him.

Micah Bell could never score a woman, and he knew that very well. And now, so did you. And all you had to do was watch him like you normally do. Every time you did, he'd lean over and whisper in your ear about how someday he's going to get a nice and fine wife, and these floozies are going to be sorry. You knew better. Every time he'd provide some weird back-handed compliment, you wondered if he knew it only made him look weak. He had all bark and no bite. Which, in many cases, he did. All talk until Dutch struts over, then suddenly he's acting like he's a holy deity sworn to do nothing but good.

That was one major weakness you'd noticed about him. His one big fault. Micah seemed to assume that being a snake oil salesman made him a man. A man fit for survival in the natural world. A man who could do whatever he wanted and whenever he wanted as long as he still had his silver tongue. And it did, for a little while. He could go around murdering families and sleep like a little baby the night after. That is, until he met you.

See, Micah Bell had done himself dirty when he began 'training' you. Because, unlike Micah, you shut your mouth, and you watched everyone really well. You waited for someone to come to you, and you didn't, no matter how tough it was to resist, let your guard down. Yet Micah Bell had shown his since the day he decided to mentor you. Sure, you were unaware of the impact of his actions then, but he'd taught you well. He'd gifted you a higher consciousness without even knowing it.

So, after three long months of needlessly long interaction, you put his teachings to work. You woke up bright and early to listen to the birds chirp their jovial toons. It was nice to let the weak be, just for a moment, because sometimes they end up surprising you with their entertainment. Your steel gaze turned to Micah, who was fast asleep on his bedroll, facing the cliffside. He, too, was nice when you left him be. When he did sleep, it looked peaceful. And, for a moment, you decided to let him be, too.

You grabbed your satchel, one that Micah had bought for you, and opened it. From it, you produced a jagged stone that you'd found back in Strawberry, after the pair of you (and Arthur) murdered an entire town. You originally picked it up in order to execute whoever was holding Micah's precious revolvers, but he beat you to it. And, with savagery and cowardice, he murdered another family right in front of you. It was eerily thrilling when you first experienced it, but now? Now you feel nothing but guilt. Not for the town you'd helped murder, but for Micah.

You looked down at him, staring at his greasy forehead. As you lifted your stone, you teared up as you remembered all the times that he'd slipped up. A terrible feeling sank into your chest as you thought about your first robbery. How he wiped your tears away after you'd committed your first murder and rubbed your back like the father you never had. You'd given him your weakness, and he accepted it with unknowing tenacity. From then on, you gave him your weakness, and he allowed you to piggyback off of him like a little parasite.

For such a morally corrupt man, Micah had always done his best to assure your safety, no matter what. When the two of you were low on rations, he let you have the last. When the gang was ambushed, he made sure you were never there. When the two of you were caught in a rock and a hard place, he always made you run back to camp while he distracted the bastards following you. It's your fault that he turned into something he never wanted to be.

It's your fault that he became so weak.

Your brows furrowed, and your face twisted into anguish. You lifted the stone up above your head and, with all your might, sent it crashing down upon his skull. It made a sickening crunch, like a pumpkin being dropped, but Micah did not move. You repeated the action over and over again until his head finally caved in. Once you were done, you walked over to your horse, one that he had gifted you, and shot her, too. Baylock was smart enough to run off.

From then on, you decided that, out of the four of you, Baylock would be the strongest. He was the survivor because he ran like hell instead of sticking around to die. Finally, you walked back to the cliffside and erased the last remaining proof of Elisabeth Bell's entire existence.

A/N: i hope people like this :p i know child death is a very sensitive topic, but I think that this is how it would go in the eyes of a child. I tried to make it a little confusing so that we could really understand how uniquely this kind of situation would affect someone as vulnerable as a child versus an adult.

[bekaterrier]

Happy Audio Drama Sunday! I hope everyone was checking out the #BIPOCtober tag this past week and adding shows to their to-listen list! Now we're on to #Ace Podcast Week!

Give Me Away Episode 9 - A Bug and a Feature: Hooooooboy, this season finale did not disappoint! So much stress with the gang stuck in the Ghost House. There was so much arguing, and I was just waiting for Graham to out his foot down - and he did! I want your second idea indeed. Then there's Jamie being the most dramatic a person could be, calling her mom right in the middle of all this, then playing the role she was born for! Iconic. It all ended with us wondering how Graham was feeling about that last revelation, and quite a few challenges set up for S2.

@hinaypod Episode 48.1 - Noche Buena: I originally heard this episode as a Patreon supporter (it was released in January) but obviously did not have the full context for it then. Now, knowing what we know about what happened on Christmas Eve, there is sooooo much more meaning to it. Especially that opening, "Good morning, babe,"... Hearing about Mari's Christmas traditions and how she dealt with her Tatay's passing was sad and lovely.

@desertskiespodcast Episode 19 - Friends Make Sacrifices: Oh Cash was so close to having everything dealt with nicely! Xochitlicue made such a huge sacrifice...I really hope that she's able to find her sister.

Residents of @proserpinapark Ep 38 - A Fox and Her Mouse: We finally have context for some of this season's official art and boy is it a terrifying thought! It was fun hearing from the Kitsune again, and things are definitely not finished between her and Mirai. And we finally have a bit more of an explanation for Junichi's total lack of curiosity about Proserpina Park and the recordings from Alina. That was driving me crazy!

@midnightburgr Chapter 39 - The Interrodrome!: When the episode starts with the Three Sisters, The Mucklewains and Ava all captured by the bad guys, you just know it's gonna be a wild one. Ava and Caspar are really THE couple of "flip the script on your captors". Also so many guest voices! Sean and Michael from Civilized pod, Third Person from Midst, and then surprise Karim Kronfli! Also slight jumpscare of my name said very emphatically by Ava...

@starfallpod Fennel's Food Cart Episode 2 - Ludenalis, Mercen: This is such a clever way for us to learn more about the different parts of Falsten. What better way to learn about the culture of an area than through its food? I'm having a lot of fun listening to Fennel's adventures.

@stormfireproductions Kalila Stormfire's Economical Magick Services Case One - Transformation — Case Twenty Two - Body Image and Possession Training: I started listening to this show ahead of BIPOCtober week, and I'm already more than halfway through season two! The worldbuilding is wonderful, and I love how we slowly learn more from each case. Lisette is incredibly thoughtful in the way that they portray and highlight the social issues arising from there being fae, covens, changelings, etc. in this version of the world. I can't wait to find out what happens next, and to hear Kalila continue to work on (and with) herself.

[verdemoun]

How's timewarp Javier doing? I just know bro spawns and is absolutely and has no idea what the hell is happening. One moment he's in Mexico being hung and then the next he's spawned in the middle of a busy road. Feel like he'd be extremely happy to know the gang was mostly all back together cause I feel the fall hit him really hard (Dutch got some serious explaining to do). Maybe he even starts picking playing guitar back up.

Feel like he'd be enamored by YouTube aswell. Learned about it and the family tv's YouTube acc is filled with the most crazy recommended videos. Maybe he even starts making his own videos, maybe mostly about fishing, maybe a bit of blog style shit. Finds dude perfect and gets everyone else into it. (Let this man bottle flip)

TIMEWARP JAVIER MY BELOVED

☺

I am so sorry but in timewarp canon john was the one who killed javier. he was captured alive but through all the insults and forced laughter to hide the fact he was almost crying john would realise that shooting javier himself was kinder than handing him to the bureau alive to be tortured and executed in an american prison. and javier was terrified of being handed over to the us governemnt alive. when john turned the gun on him he was pretty much at peace with it (For each man kills the thing he loves)

going from being in a cell in el presidio to laying on the ground in the middle of a bustling market would have been more frightening than realising john was about to shoot him but before he can even look around arthur's there offering him a hand

the impact on javier bless. looking around and seeing the gang waiting for him but they've aged arthur's starting to go gray and sean and lenny are in their 30s javier would've immediately started bawling and hugging them all

unlike most of the rdr1 gang javier is extremely willing to just block out everything that happened after 1899 because it was a really dark time for him he just wants his gang back. he's genuinely sorry for not siding with arthur in beaver hollow because of course turned out arthur was right dutch went so far off the deep end even though javier still valued loyalty dutch didn't anymore

he would be pretty self conscious about his appearance for a bit because everyone else seems to have got a modern day glow up meanwhile he's been cutting his hair with blunt scissors for years and neglecting himself a lot

his love affair with youtube starts hair care and skin care routines he will buy every product beautiful men promote on their channels. he grows his hair back out and is much more interested in fashion than the rest of the boys give him a month and he's roasting arthur for walking around in ratty oversized shirts covered in motor oil

kieran and javier sprawled on the couch doomscrolling through youtube with exfoliating face masks on. dark media iceberg specialists but also tiktok compilations.

when he gets his first phone javier opens an account on every social media and his content is just a mess sometimes it's memey bottle flip and rube goldberg ping pong ball videos sometimes it's self care stuff sometimes it's just a clip of him ranting in spanish about 'authentic' mexican food or really awkward 'look at this fish i caught' photos and he jumps between socials so sporadically he doesn't really have a following but molly would like all his stuff

javier getting a guitar again would be such a big deal but also so understated like one of the gang would've just got him one because it's javier of course he needs a guitar and javier just holds it for a second because it's the first time he'd held a guitar since beaver hollow. he lost his guitar in the raid and never had a reason to play so he didn't get another one. but it would feel so right to be sitting in the living room with a guitar in his hands while sean excitedly asks him to play something he'd just laugh and start back with old campfire songs and everyone gets to sing along like the proper good old days. processing trauma through symbolism speedrun

javier and kieran would be the two that never move out of the matthews' house or get jobs. kieran just wasn't built for living alone but for javier it's like he just got the gang back he still desperately needs that connection. he's also a notorious couch surfer he will rock up at someone's place and stay for a few days because just he missed them and he's always welcome. he also somehow gets the title of go-to babysitter kids love him like yay tio javier is here we're gonna paint his nails

[bat-gwuck]

lmao so these two games have like nothing in common other than they’re both in my top 5 re-occurring hyperfixations but idc I’m having fun 😼👍

ong rdr2 and dragon age (esp origins) are my two all time FAVOURITE games so I thought ykw fuck it im gonna make a crossover AU - never done an AU before so NGL there’s a lot of kinks to iron out but I’m kinda digging it

started off with a lil’ character sheet for Arthur - I flip flopped between what I would make him (Templar, warden, keep him as a street thief/outlaw etc.) before finally settling on a mix of both warden and street thief/outlaw!! idk Arthur just gives me really strong Grey Warden vibes - a tragic hero (sometimes on a path of redemption depending on the origin/how they played it) who also has smth in them that will eventually kill them, despite having some weird benefits (in Arthur’s case, mentally)?? they’re twinning fr

I also just fucking LOVE the grey wardens so…

so it starts off relatively similar to normal: Arthur joins up with the gang at a young age, becomes a thief yada yada, and after a disastrous robbery, they end up camping in Ferelden, just before the Blight starts (unlucky)

for the purposes of this fic, the gang is only comprised of the camp girls (minus Sadie, for now), Dutch, Hosea, Arthur, John, Jack, Swanson, Pearson, Micah, Bill, Sean, Lenny and Javier - Sadie and Charles appear a bit later!!

shit goes down as normal but for story purposes, a heck of a lot faster, and the gang starts to fracture

seeing this, and wanting better for everyone, especially in the midst of the now upcoming Blight, which Dutch, for whatever reasons, does not acknowledge the danger of, Hosea (WHO LIVES IN THIS SCREW YOU ROCKSTAR) gathers as many people as will listen to him (everyone minus Dutch, Micah, Bill, Javier) with him and splits from the gang and heads towards Denerim in hopes of finding safety/starting anew

during their travels however, the group ends up getting caught up in a battle between a group of grey wardens and dark spawn - in which, because he has the worst luck, Arthur is nicked by a darkspawn which only means one thing: death.

(Literally just realising this is basically carver in the deep roads)

Luckily, or unluckily, depending on how you view it, the grey wardens offer to take Arthur back to Ostagar with them, they were impressed by his fighting skills, and arguing that the only way for him to live was to become a grey warden

after a lot of hesitation, and a bit of arguing, as he doesn’t want to leave his family behind, Arthur agrees to go with them and parts ways with the remains of the gang, promising that, once this was all over, they’d find each other again

SO I feel like this is enough for now! I definitely have more to write on this and NGL I might even write a full blown fanfic of this BC ITS SO MUCH FUN??

if anyone is wondering, Arthur will meet Sadie n Charles at Ostagar

I’m not entirely sure if I want Arthur to be the HoF in this AU?? I am very much planning on him being a prominent figure in the fight against the Blight and the Archdemon but idk?? ALSO there will be characters from both games in this AU bc I love some of them too much to leave out (I’m looking at you Morrigan and Shale…)

I did kind of want him to be a Blackwall type figure but like if Blackwall acc became a Grey Warden 💀

I hope you liked this and if anyone has any ideas for this AU PLEASE let me know I’m so lost 😭

I’ll be doing some more of these character sheets so keep an eye out for them!!

also Arthur absolutely nicked the fur collar off a rich noble

[spaceorphan18]

Hi! I have a question about your fanfic Head Over Feet (it’s really good by the way). What made you decide to have Blaine be the one who is married with a husband who is very different to Kurt, while Kurt struggles to commit to a serious relationship?

Hi! Thanks for the question, Nonny, with as much Glee conversation as I get, I don't usually get things that discuss my writing, so I really appreciate the question!!

Also, just in case anyone is worried, yes, I am still working on it. I was working on the chapter the other day. I know I've been a little sidetracked (oops) but I promise, it's a passion project I'm still planning on finishing. :)

So, first of all, the structure of Head Over Feet is a mirror to Season 6, and my intention was to implement a lot of the characteristics and plot points that Season 6 had. One of those elements is that Blaine is (seemingly) in a committed relationship. While Kurt kind of flounders because his no matter how hard he tries, his heart is already at a fixed point.

I also liked to imagine what kind of place Blaine and Kurt would be ten/fifteen years down the road had they not had each other.

One of the elements of Blaine's character is that he did want to be married. And yes, in the show, he wants to be married to Kurt. But there was a romantic ideal about marriage in general. It is a big deal for him, and a goal he wanted to achieve. And I think a Blaine without Kurt would still try to latch on to someone who held those same ideals. I think Blaine -- finding someone who would be good enough -- would jump at the chance at marriage, whether it was truly the right person or not.

And... I'd like to point out that -- there's this kind of misconception about relationships sometimes. That they only have meaning if it's your one true person soul mate, etc, etc, etc. And I don't necessarily think that's true. I think Blaine and Sean's marriage helped Blaine heal in a lot of ways -- in the way that I actually think Blaine's relationship with Karofsky helped him heal.

Blaine being married to someone else, and for so long, will forever remain a part of him. He won't regret being in that marriage, and Sean will have always had an impactful moment in his life, even if the two of them get divorced.

Like the show -- I wanted Blaine to have some time to mature and grow and learn how to be in a functional relationship that didn't need to the epitome of perfect. And even as it ends, Blaine and Sean end on good terms, the same way Blaine and Karofsky ended on good terms. It was an important relationship at the moment, but it isn't the most passionate, the most love filled, the most soul searching relationship. And that's okay.

I also want to point out, I did subtly throw in a nod to Kurt. Sean is a fashion designer for Broadway. That was completely intentional, and while Sean is a lot different (I think Blaine wanted to move away from someone with the same personality) there are ways we keep finding the same people, and Sean's profession was one of those ways.

(Also - as an aside, I purposely made Sean a big and bulky guy - somewhat to mirror Karofsky, and also because Blaine would choose someone who didn't remind him of Kurt.)

Likewise, I intentionally made Ian (Kurt's bf) a professional piano player as a nod to Kurt finding someone who had nods to Blaine.

So, on the flip side we have Kurt. Kurt is one stubborn guy -- and he did a serious, serious relationship when he was younger and decided that he would not do that again. He is very, very protective of his own heart, and he has no desire to ever put himself through that pain again. So he walls himself up and plays it safe by making sure he never gets in too deep with someone else. If he lets someone else in, there is always the possibility that his heart would break into a thousand pieces again when he and Blaine broke again. And consciously or not, he won't go through it again.

This is also a Kurt who didn't deal with the fact that he made a hasty mistake in calling off the wedding. He firmly believed he wouldn't get married until he was thirty. Didn't believe that marriage would work. And if he gave in, if he allowed someone in his space and in his heart, he'd have to face up to the fact that he fucked up. And he spends a lot of time trying to reconcile that his head and his heart are in two different places.

Much like Season 6, though, Kurt is quicker to return to Blaine than vice versa.

The thing about Klaine is this... Back in season 2 and 3, Kurt had an almost blind faith that his relationship with Blaine would work and Blaine had doubts, and then they ended up breaking up because Kurt didn't realize he had to put in work in his relationship, and Blaine didn't trust it enough. By the time Season 6 comes along, it's clear that the dynamic had flipped. Blaine had too much faith that marriage would fix all their issues, and Kurt was the one who had doubts -- because his heart had been broken before.

So, I wanted to take that dynamic and layer it onto the fic. Kurt figures out that he doesn't have doubts - that he knows Blaine is the one and he knows it'll be hard work. While Blaine learns that he needs to be skeptical and take his time to rebuild.

The upcoming part of the fic -- the last five/six chapters deal with this... and it's something I wish they had done more of during the actual show. In coming back together, it doesn't necessarily solve the issues they began with, so now that they are able to have a relationship again -- how do they fix what was broken before? How do they make sure it's the right fit this time and that it doesn't break. So that's the trajectory of the final chapters.

Anyway... I suppose that kind of scratches the surface of your question, Nonny! Characterization is very important to me, and I wanted to make sure I was making logical progressions of the characters in a post-Season 5 world where they didn't return to each other, while reflecting on elements we see in Season 6 only set 10 years down the road.

I hope that all makes sense! Thanks for the question, I always enjoy chatting about writing! :)

[bambi-kinos]

@omgmclennon​ The problem with this, at least IMO, is that John Lennon was not actually a house husband and he wasn’t a terribly good family man even after Yoko corralled him in the Dakota. Sean Lennon was explicitly raised by his nanny and John’s only real role was to get into arguments with Sean and then get tired of him and do something else. Baking bread was a nice distraction for John for a while, but he never built on it, he never moved on to more complicated breads or to complicated desserts or even to cooking in general. Once he figured out loaves then he just sort of....stopped. There also just wasn’t much for John to actually physically do as a homemaker because Yoko hired domestic servants to take care of anything. Bread baking was a hobby for John, not something that he did every week to feed his family. He wasn’t doing laundry, he wasn’t changing Sean’s diaper, he wasn’t dusting the mantel or vacuuming the floor.

His sister Julia Baird wrote a very depressing account of her life and how it involved John and what she wrote was that John went back to Yoko because Yoko was the domineering mother-figure that he wanted, a mother-figure that he could also fuck (when she let him, which wasn’t often.) Yoko was a combination of Julia/Mimi, being fuckable (John said in an audio diary that he had grabbed Julia’s tits at least once and wondered if she would let him “do more”) but also being very controlling (like Mimi being very hard on John and a strict disciplinarian, even locking him out of the house when he came back from Hamburg.)

That, IMO, is why John went back. The insider accounts of the Dakota (thanks Fred Seaman and John Green/Charlie Swan) portray a stunningly dysfunctional household with John acting very hateful at Yoko. Charlie Swan recounts an anecdote where John gets angry at Yoko because Yoko speaks Japanese to the servants, starts screaming at Yoko for not hiring English-speaking servants, and then starts throwing cigarette packets at her, still shouting at her at the top of his lungs and driving her out of the room in hysterics because Yoko thought John was going to attack her. (John threw cigarette packets at her because Yoko had asked the servant to get her handbag which had her preferred cigarettes in them. Yoko failed to explain this to John when he interrogated her about what she was telling their employee and John flipped out when it turned out just to be a handbag.) When Charlie approached John about this later John insisted that he was just angry that Yoko was deliberately using servants who spoke Japanese because he couldn’t communicate with them or understand them. 

The Dakota is full of stories like this, in another story, right after John has returned from The Lost Weekend, Yoko’s show in Japan has been deemed a complete failure and she ended up playing to empty seats. To wit:

This is not a John Lennon that loves Yoko Ono. This is a John that hates his wife but can’t actually bear to pull the plug. This is way too long so I’ll cut this off here but respectfully I don’t agree with this viewpoint at all. John was a gentleman of leisure, bored and depressed, and retreated to Yoko because he wanted a mother, not because he was particularly in love with her.

[sequinsmile-x]

Summit - Chapter 2

He hates that he feels like a kid. Like the little boy who was let down by his parents again and again. His father’s violence and his mother’s apathy, her overcorrection to dealing with the life she’d found herself living, the building blocks for the fortress he’d built around himself.

Aaron's mom comes to see him after years of silence and no contact.

Part 1

-x-

Hi friends!!

Thanks so much for the love on chapter 1! I think Aaron's background is so poorly explored in the show so I really enjoyed writing this. I have also been working on an AU (a 3 or 4 parter I think) where his Dad is alive and they go on a case to his hometown. Lots of angst and feelings and protective Emily in that too!

I really hope you enjoy part two, and please let me know what you think!

-x-

Warnings: Pregnancy (not the main point of it, Emily is just pregnant in this fic, references to child abuse/domestic violence (nothing graphic/detailed.)

Words: 4.1k

Read over on Ao3, or below the cut

“I do not like green eggs and ham, I do not like them Sam-I-am.” 

Emily smiles as she hears Issac giggle next to her, his little face pressed into her chest as she reads to him. They were snuggled in bed together. He was already supposed to have been asleep. Aaron had put him in his own bed a couple of hours ago, but he’d snuck out of his room, his favourite book in hand, and found her in the living room, a smile on his face that she was bowled over by.  The same smile that Aaron and Jack had, the one she could never say no to. 

She just knew her little girl would be the same, that she’d be wrapped around her little finger from the moment she was born. 

“You are meant to be going to sleep, mister,” she says, poking him in his belly, smiling when he giggles again.

“I not tired.” 

She hums, suppressing a yawn as she does so, “Momma is,” she says quietly, flipping over the page of the book to carry on reading, “Would you eat them in a box-”

She’s cut off as the door opens, and Aaron walks in, sighing as he pushes his cell phone into his pocket, “I spoke to Sean-” he stops himself when he spots Issac in their bed, and he raises his eyebrow, “I seem to remember putting a certain someone to bed a few hours ago.” 

Emily smiles as he walks over and joins them, her eyes searching his face for any kind of hint of how he is feeling. He’d shut down, going silent when Suzanne made it clear why she was here, why she’d broken decades of silence. Emily had asked her to leave, stern and leaving no room for argument as she got up off of the couch, Aaron automatically helping her even though he still hadn’t spoken, as if his instincts to love her, to take care of her, ran so deep he found himself doing it without thinking. She’d walked her mother-in-law to the door, her jaw tight as Suzanne asked her to talk to Aaron, to talk him into helping her. It had taken everything in her not to yell at her there and then, to tell her everything she’d wanted to say ever since she popped back up in their lives, but she knew looking after her husband was her priority. 

They hadn’t really had a chance to talk about it. He’d asked to be alone for a while and she’d respected that, knowing she’d want the same if she was in his shoes, and then the boys had come home. They acted like everything was normal, like Aaron’s world hadn’t shifted on its axis, like he hadn’t been let down by a woman he’d thought had stopped doing that half a lifetime ago. Jack was in his room, playing a video game he was obsessed with a strict deadline of when to turn it off and go to sleep, and she knew as soon as Issac was asleep they’d finally be able to talk about it. 

She watches as Aaron swallows thickly, his nerves as on edge as they ever got, and she looks down at Issac, “Zaccy?” She fake whispers, smiling conspiratorily when he looks up at her, “Daddy looks like he could do with a hug, huh?” 

Aaron barely has a moment to react before Issac throws himself at him, disentangling himself from around Emily and launching himself into his father’s embrace. Aaron chuckles as he wraps his arms around his youngest son, smiling at his wife over his son’s head. He runs his hand up and down his pyjama-covered back and kisses the side of his head. 

“Thanks, buddy,” he says, smiling as Issac pulls back to look at him, the eyes he shared with Emily wide and curious as he looks at his father. 

“Better?” He asks, fighting a yawn, and Aaron nods as Issac rubs at his eyes whilst he settles further into Aaron’s embrace. 

“Much better,” Aaron replies, smiling softly as he looks at Emily, “Now, why doesn’t Mommy finish reading your book and then we’ll get you back to bed.” 

Issac nods as he rests his head on Aaron’s chest, and Emily can’t help but smile at the sight of them together, how her little boy settles against her husband, their matching expressions as they look at her expectantly making her heart swell in her chest. She nods as she picks the book back up, the other hand on her bump as the baby shifts around, and she continues to read. Issac only makes it another couple of pages before he’s fast asleep, his cheek squished against Aaron’s shirt. Emily closes the book and smiles wryly at her husband. 

“Now we’ll never know if he’d like green eggs and ham in a tree,” she jokes, as if they hadn’t read the book every night for what felt like years, and Aaron chuckles, standing up and making sure Issac is safe against him. “Bring him here so I can give him a kiss,” she says, and Aaron does as he’s asked, rounding the bed and leaning down so Emily can kiss Issac’s forehead, “Good night, sweet boy. I love you.” 

“I’ll be back in a minute,” he says, and she nods in response, smiling softly as she watches them go, concern for Aaron simmering in her belly as he leaves. 

Aaron is careful as he lays Issac in his bed, the bedding already in a mess from where he’d climbed out of it earlier on. He smiles as Issac curls up the moment he lays down, his arms wrapping around his favourite toy, a bright green stuffed frog, and he carefully lays the covers over him. He sits on the edge of the bed for a moment and watches his son, basking in the innocence that he and Emily wired so hard to protect. Everything they’d been through separately and together fuelled so many of their decisions as parents, desperate not to repeat their own parent’s mistakes, to make sure their children always knew they were loved. 

He leans forward and kisses his son’s forehead, running his fingers through his unruly hair, “I’ll always be here Issac,” he says quietly, “No matter what.” 

He gives himself another moment before he leaves the room, blowing out a steady breath as he walks back towards the master bedroom. Emily had been incredibly understanding, loving him in the way he needed by leaving him to wrap his head around his mother walking back into his life only because she wanted something. Re-opening wounds he’d thought had long since healed, scars he hadn’t thought about in years. 

He can’t help but smile as he walks back into the bedroom to find Emily sitting exactly where he’d left her, both of her hands pressing into her bump. 

“She’s kicking so much, I don’t think I’m going to get any sleep tonight,” she says, smiling softly at him as he walks over, “I can’t wait until she’s here.”

Aaron climbs into bed and wraps an arm around her shoulder. He places his other hand on her belly, smiling when he feels their daughter move around, “Only a couple of weeks to go.” 

She hums, resting her head on his shoulder, “If I don’t go overdue again,” she mumbles, scrunching her nose up as she thinks of just how uncomfortable she was at the end of her pregnancy last time. She tilts her head to look up at him, biting her lower lip as her eyes flit over his face, the sadness that had etched into it making her ache, “I’d ask if you’re okay,” she says, resting her hand over his on her bump, “But that’s a stupid question,” he links their fingers together and squeezes, “What did Sean say?” 

He sighs, shaking his head before he turns it, pressing his lips to her temple, “She went to see him first, and asked him for money,” he scoffs, “He says he hasn’t heard from her since he said he didn’t have any. He apologised for bringing me up, but he said it was the only way he could get her to leave.” 

She smiles tightly at him, anger aimed at her mother-in-law once again climbing up her throat, forcing her to swallow it back so she doesn’t say something she’d later regret, “I’m so sorry honey,” she says, cupping his cheek and making him look at her, running he thumb back and forth over his cheek, his stubble rough against her skin, “You deserve so much better.” 

He chuckles humorlessly, as if he doesn’t believe her, and she files it away for another day, knowing now wasn’t the time to have the conversation they’d had countless times before. Both of them convinced they didn’t deserve the other, something that had delayed them from getting together at first. 

“I can’t explain it,” he says, shaking his head at himself, “But I think I want to give her the money. But…I don’t know if I could bear to watch her walk away after we give it to her.” 

She sighs, well aware that this was likely the road they’d go down. Above all, Aaron was a good man. The best. And he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he knew his mother was struggling. 

“Honey-”

“I know it’s technically your money,” he says, and she raises an eyebrow at him, both of them exchanging a soft smile as he nods. It was a conversation they’d had several times over the years. Her trust fund something she considered to be for their family, for them. Something they had used to buy this house. She always chastised him when he called it her money, and it reminded her of the argument they’d had when he first found out just how rich she was, his shock turning into anger he didn’t understand. “Okay, our money. But it feels like the right thing to do.” 

“If that’s what you want to do,” she says, smiling softly at him, “Then that’s what we’ll do. But you don’t have to make the decision now.”

He nods, leaning in to stamp a kiss against her lips, “I know. I love you.” 

“I love you too,” she replies, “So much.” 

He kisses her again, the action lost to a smile as the baby moves, and he pulls back, “Do you two need anything?”  

She smirks, shrugging nonchalantly before she nods, “Baby says she wants ice cream.” 

He chuckles and kisses her again, grateful for a moment of normalcy in what had been a difficult few days. “Ice cream coming right up.” 

___

Emily keeps looking back and forth between the entrance of the diner and her phone on the table in front of her, her nerves increasing with each minute that ticks by. She groans as she feels a particularly sharp kick from inside of her and she looks down, placing her hand on her belly that was pressed up against the table. 

“Sorry, sweet girl,” she says, “It’s a bit of a squeeze in this booth with both of us.” 

She hears the bell above the door ring and she looks up at the door and spots Suzanne walk in. She watches for a moment as the other woman looks around, frowning slightly at the bright pink and white seats, and the slightly tacky decor that Emily and Aaron both got a kick out of. Suzanne spots her and smiles tightly before walking over, slipping into the opposite side of the booth. 

“I was surprised to hear from you,” she says as she sits down, placing her purse next to her before she looks at Emily, “Is Aaron here?” 

Emily shakes her head, “No. He is not.” 

It wasn’t a decision she’d made lightly, but in the few days it had been since Suzanne had come to their home she’d seen the impact it had on Aaron. He was struggling, desperately trying to figure out what he wanted to do, his confusion and sadness covered up with irritation. An old coping mechanism that had meant Derek and Dave had both called her separately to ask what was wrong with him.  

She knew ultimately he’d agree to give his mother the money, that he would push past his own pain and hurt to help her. Under it all, all the scowls and scars, he was still just that little boy who wanted his mom. If anyone could understand it, it was Emily. 

She knew how it felt to want to be loved in the way she always should have been. 

“Does he know you’re here?” Suzanne asks, her eyebrow raised. 

Emily shakes her head, “He doesn’t, but he will,” she says, linking her hands on the table in between them, “We don’t keep secrets from each other.” 

Suzanne opens her mouth but is interrupted as the waitress comes over. 

“Mrs Hotchner,” she says, making both of them look at her, but all of her focus is on Emily, “Look at you, you look just about ready to drop.” 

Emily smiles, “Hi Marjorie, just over a week to go now,” she says, well aware of Suzanne’s gaze burning into her.

“That’s so exciting,” Marjorie looks around and seems to realise Emily doesn’t have Aaron or the children with her, “Where are those adorable boys of yours?” 

Emily’s eyes flash over to Suzanne for a moment before she looks back at the woman speaking to her, “At home today I’m afraid, so no need to make any of those smiley face pancakes.” 

Marjorie smiles at her, “What can I get you instead?”

“Just a sweet tea would be lovely, thanks,” Emily replies, watching as Marjorie turns to Suzanne, who clears her throat before she makes eye contact. 

“The same. Please.”

“Two sweet teas coming right up.” 

Emily feels awkwardness wash over them as they are left alone again, making the air thick with it. 

“So you guys come here often?” Suzanne asks, sounding far too casual for Emily’s liking, as if she hadn’t torn her eldest son down by showing up after so many years of absence. 

“Jack and Issac like it,” she says, smiling as she thinks of how they’d spend as many Saturdays here as possible, “They love the pancakes, but they say Aaron’s are a close second.” 

Suzanne nods, briefly smiling her thanks as Marjorie places their drinks on the table without comment, clearly having picked up on the tension between them. 

“So, if Aaron isn’t here, why are we?” Suzanne asks, she smiles, an edge of bitterness to it that makes Emily’s irritation spike, “He couldn’t bear to tell me himself that his wife won’t give me the money?” 

Emily clenches her jaw so tightly she’s surprised she doesn’t feel it pop and she glares at her for a beat longer than necessary, feeling a strange sense of achievement when Suzanne becomes visibly uncomfortable, avoiding her eye contact. She casts another glance at her mother-in-law before she reaches for her purse. She pulls out a folded piece of paper and places it on the table, pushing it towards Suzanne. 

“You have two options,” she says, clearing her throat as Suzanne picks up the piece of paper and unfolds it, her eyes going slightly wide as she realises what it is, “The first is you take that cheque,” she shrugs, settling her crossed arms on the top of the bump, “It covers the debt you told us about and you can go back to your life and we can go back to ours.”

Suzanne raises her eyebrows, looking at Emily over the top of the cheque, “No strings attached? Just $40,000?” 

Emily bites the inside of her cheek at the way Suzanne has phrased it, the fact she seems unaffected by the implication she wouldn’t have to see her son again. She shakes her head as she responds, “No strings attached. You can just walk away.” 

“And my second option?” 

“I’ll pay off your debts for you to the bank directly, and then make sure you’re comfortable going forward, as long as you work on a relationship with Aaron, and maybe even eventually the kids.”

Suzanne huffs out a laugh, the cheque still firmly in her hand, “You’re bribing me?” 

Emily grits her teeth, “No, I’m giving you two options. One of which is a life with your son. The other is what you came here for.” 

Her words hang between them, her accusation clear. Suzanne sighs, “I do love my children.” 

“I know you do,” Emily replies quickly, shaking her head at her, “But that’s not enough, in fact, I think it makes it worse. Aaron knows you love him but it still didn’t make you try and keep him in your life.”

“He didn’t try either-”

“He’s your son,” she says, cutting over a defence she didn’t want to hear. She leans forward, well aware they have drawn more attention than she wanted to, “No matter how old he gets, how many kids he has himself, he’s still your son. At some point, the buck stops with you.” On some level, she knows she’s saying what she’s wanted to say to her own mother for years, what she’s stopped Aaron from saying on her behalf. She wants to say more, to tell the woman opposite her exactly what she thinks, but she stops herself, aware that Aaron wouldn’t want her to, “So if you take the money today you can’t contact us again. You can’t come back and ask for more. I won’t let you hurt him any more than you already have,” she hears her voice crack and she gives herself a moment, “If you don’t, if you can prove to me you’d have come back anyway at some point, we can go from there,” she shakes her head, letting one more thought push through, no matter unkind it was, “I think we both know what you’ll go for.” 

Suzanne stares at her, her eyes, the ones she’d passed on to Aaron, boring into Emily’s, as if she was trying to read her mind. She eventually laughs humourlessly, “He really landed on his feet when he found you.”

Emily shrugs, “I think it’s the other way around. I always wonder what I did to deserve him,” she smiles as she thinks of him, “He’s an incredible man,” she watches as a smile of pride flashes over Suzanne’s face, “Despite the cards he was dealt.”

Suzanne’s smile slips away and she looks at the cheque again, clearing her throat in a failed attempt to hide the shake to her voice, “I’m glad he found someone like you,” she says, her eyes still fixed on the paper in her hands, “I liked Haley, don’t get me wrong, but I always thought she was wrong for him. He needed someone who knew who he became, not who he was. He’s lucky,” she looks back up at Emily for a moment before she looks back at the cheque, folding it up and slipping it into her purse, “He doesn’t need a reminder of his past, of how I failed him, every time he looks at me.” 

Emily sighs, closing her eyes as she shakes her head, “Suzanne-”

“You said it was my choice,” she says as she stands up, crossing her arms over her chest as she does so, as if holding herself together, regret for so many things, but not this, shining in her eyes, “This is what I choose. Look after him.” 

“I always do,” Emily replies, “It’s what we do for each other.” 

Suzanne nods, her eyes drifting back to Emily’s stomach one last time, “Good luck with the baby.” 

Emily smiles tightly, “Thank you.” 

She watches as her mother-in-law leaves without looking back and she sighs, covering her face with her hands as she blows out a steady breath. 

“Everything okay, Mrs Hotchner?” 

She looks up at Marjorie and nods, not sure if she believes herself, and she smiles, “Yes, Marjorie. Everything is fine, can I have the bill please?” 

Now she had to figure out how to tell Aaron, how to dash the small amount of hope she knows he’d let bloom.

___

As soon as she’s through the door Jack runs up to her, his arms tight around her, almost knocking her off balance with the force of his affection. 

“Hi, Mom!”

“Hi sweetie,” she replies, ruffling his hair as he pulls away, laughing when he grumbles like she knew he would, “How are you?”

“Me, Dad and Zac came up with some new names for baby sister.”

She smiles as she sees her husband appear in view before she turns her attention back to her eldest, “Oh really, what’s on the list today.” 

“Zac and I like Winnie, like Winnie the Pooh, but Dad said that wasn’t a good idea.” 

She looks back up at her husband, exchanging a knowing look with him as she undoes her jacket and he steps behind her to help her out of it, “Dad really is a spoilsport, huh?” 

She can almost hear the way Aaron rolls his eyes before he addresses Jack, “Buddy, go play with your brother we’ll be there in a couple of minutes.” 

Emily turns to look at her husband as Jack does as he’s asked, calling his little brother’s name as he runs away. “So…Winnie’s on the no list?”

He shakes his head at her and wraps his arms around her, leaning in to stamp a kiss against her lips, “On the maybe list. For middle names,” he replies, he tucks some of her hair behind her ear, pausing for a moment before he carries on, “How was Mom?” 

She sighs, leaning forward as best as she can with her bump pressed between them, briefly resting her forehead against his shoulder, “One of these days, it will annoy me that you know me so well.” 

He smirks at her, shrugging slightly, “What can I say, it’s my life's work,” he jokes before his smile slips from his place, replaced with the look of a lost little boy that she’d seen too much of this week, “She took the money and left didn’t she?” 

Her silence is answer enough, but she follows it up with a nod, “Yes, she did. I’m so sorry honey.” 

He sighs, shaking his head at himself for feeling upset when he knew deep down this was how it would end. That her arrival back into his life would be nothing more than a blip, convenient to her because she wanted something. 

“It’s okay…” he says, laughing bitterly, “I don’t know what I expected.” 

“You expected your Mom to want to be in your life,” she says, pulling back to look at him, cupping his cheek, “And that’s okay.” 

He nods, blowing out a steady breath, “I’m sorry you had to deal with all of this,” he says, frowning, “You’re about to have a baby you should be resting.”

“You have nothing to apologise for,” she says, smiling softly at him, “Plus, I famously have mommy issues myself,” she shrugs as she pulls a smile out of him, the sight of it making her skin fizz, “This is kind of what I’m made for,” her smile widens when he shakes his head and laughs. “What can I do to help?”

“You’re already doing it,” he assures her, leaning forward to stamp a kiss to her forehead and then her lips, “Just by being you.” 

She knows there are more conversations to be had, and that he had a long way to go until he was okay with this, but she was happy with that was a start, “Okay, I’ve been told my whole life that I’m unapologetically myself, so I can do that.” 

His response is cut off as Jack calls for them, his voice echoing around the house. Aaron smiles at his wife and puts his arm around her shoulders as they walk towards the living room. 

“Just think, it won’t be too long until this house gets even louder.” He quips, making her smile as he says it, her hand pressed into her stomach as they go. 

Ava Winnie Hotchner is born five days later, and as Emily watches Aaron tell the boys how to hold their baby sister, she knows they’ll be okay because they had each other, and the family they’d built from scratch. 

-x-

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[maya-matlin]

I love seeing Degrassi on my dash! I feel like I never got a great handle on Zigs personality and would love to hear your thoughts. Like I can’t even really say if he’s an introvert or an extrovert. I get that he was sort of supposed to be a bad boy who’s not all that bad, sort of like Sean except smoother and with better social skills, but a lot of times Zig just seemed kind of bland? I hope it doesn’t sound like I dislike him - I just don’t have a handle on his personality! And I’m with your anon who’s first watching in how much I hate that Zaya’s first time was while they were on drugs. Ugh.

First of all, I am angry. I had a whole response typed up, but then I accidentally refreshed the page.

Anyways, I'm glad you're loving seeing Degrassi on your dash!

As for Zig, I think he's an ambivert. He seems to enjoy social interaction and likes being around others, but he's also surprisingly quiet at times. As often as Zig is the one to lead the conversation and vocalize his thoughts, just as often he keeps to himself, sometimes practically disappearing from the scene depending on his scene partners. When Zig is around more extroverted, dominant people with bigger personalities such as Tori and Esme, he allows them to lead the conversations, hardly weighing in as the couples (Zig/Tori, Zig/Esme) interact with others. But when Zig is around someone like Maya, Tiny or even Grace (who is much more introverted), he's more talkative. The times where Zig is desperate not to be alone, it's more about his abandonment issues than it is Zig needing the social interaction itself to be content.

The thing about Zig is that the writers had different ideas about who they wanted his character to be. Season 11 was kind of Zig's blank slate era. He had zero personality traits beyond the love triangle with Maya and Tori other than being a skateboarder. In season 12, we got to know Zig a lot better. That's when it becomes clear that though Zig can be charming, he's actually a deeply insecure person, not wanting others to know he comes from a poor background. Though he makes a lot of mistakes, he always means well and will do what he can to make things right. Season 13 kind of flipped the script a bit. We missed out on seeing the transition from more innocent skateboarder/band member Zig to "bad boy", gang member Zig. It was as much out of the convenience of doing the bad boy vs good boy/poor boy vs rich boy dynamic for Maya's heart (Zig vs Miles) as it was creating intrigue about what had transpired in Zig's life while we were forced to watch most of the characters in fake Paris. This reset allowed Zig to be written and framed as a more rebellious character, something that mostly follows him through the next six seasons. But ultimately, I don't think Zig ever changed all that much or was lacking in personality. I mean, I would have loved to have known the details and seen the major beats of Zig getting recruited into the gang, dealing drugs, literally being kicked out of his home after his mother and brother were almost killed due to their association with him, and then being homeless for a while before finding the abandoned house. But Degrassi hates poor people TBH, and they wanted to show off their fancy, Hollingsworth set so there could be pool parties during all four seasons of the year. I'm clearly not still bothered by this, though. Anyways, Zig's core insecurities and sensitivity remained. His bad boy image was a façade. But at the same time, the months of his life the audience missed turned Zig into.. a darker character? I wouldn't say that's the best way to describe it, but I think Zig grew up a lot during that time and witnessed a lot of things he shouldn't have. He found a way to cope with being a literal teenage gang member and adjusted his behavior accordingly. At the same time though, Zig has obvious tells when he's "faking" it. When he's being more loud and over the top, insisting that he doesn't care, that means he probably cares about that person or thing above everything. Season 13 Zig was basically a wannabe. He was desperate to fit in, so he molded himself into being the type of person who looked the part so that he could get the validation he needed and feel more confident in himself. This aspect of Zig fades away fairly quickly once his friendship with Maya is back on solid ground, but there are still remnants of it later. Towards the end of season 14, Tiny, Zig's own best friend, is under the impression he isn't a virgin. Tiny isn't an idiot and Zig spent a lot of time being invested in and pining for Maya, so he must have gotten that impression from somewhere. But by season 14, I feel like Zig has undergone a lot of character growth and become more responsible, sensitive and selfless than he ever was before.

Next Class did yet another reset with Zig. By that point, the show had fewer episodes, resulting in many characters being driven by plot more so than characterization. Zig's character got kind of muddled because they wanted to subvert expectations about Maya cheating on Zig with Jonah only for Zig to do this with Zoe. He's yet again deeply insecure which isn't out of character in the slightest, but the reasoning behind why Zig loses faith in Maya and the timeline for how this plays out just.. doesn't add up? It's clear it was something that needed to happen by the end of the first ten episodes, so they awkwardly fit it in seven episodes in to tie the bullshit arc together. And also, Zig was dumbed down. The Degrassi writers are very comfortable dealing with the same archetypes. They love a good goofy, clueless, himbo type. They originally had Spinner for this, then gradually turned Drew into this type after season 10 Drew had been much more ambitious and cutthroat. As a result, the rest of Zig's time on the show following his breakup with Maya mostly involves him fumbling everything and making the worst possible decisions at any given moment only for him to learn his lesson at the end of the episode. Until season 4 where he mostly got his previous character development back just in time to put him back together with Maya for good.

Wow, I don't think I answered your question at all. I went on multiple tangents. But even though I criticized the writing and accused the writers of switching up on Zig based on the new eras (season 13, Next Class), the truth is that I don't think his personality went through that much of an overhaul. I always felt that he was the same insecure, well meaning, loving, silly guy during all of his seasons. He deeply loved and was loyal to those closest to him. There were plenty of instances where he could be surprisingly intuitive, able to give the perfect advice for the situation literally just by being empathetic. But at the same time, Zig was also a hot mess. He had a lot of problems that the writers basically never acknowledged or downplayed (abandonment issues over his parents basically disowning him when he was 15, chronic self worth problems that he never properly dealt with). His positive qualities could easily become negative qualities depending on the situation. He could be thoughtless and unnecessarily aggressive in the name of protecting himself or others. But at the end of day, Zig was just.. good. I can't help it. I always loved him, and I think there were far more good moments for him than bad.

As for Zaya's first time, I weirdly liked it? My logic is probably skewed, but I always loved that Zig and Maya's relationship was imperfect. It made them feel more real. They suffered from bad timing and made questionable decisions, but ultimately loved each other enough to overcome all that. What was important is that they were able to have a conversation about their regrets and come to an understanding, bringing them even closer. Plus, their second time went much more smoothly. ;) Also, my take on this is probably because the Eli/Clare relationship had dominated seasons 10-14. That particular couple was romanticized to a ridiculous degree even though Eli and Eclare were never anything but toxic waste.

[tokiro07]

Redid the character sorter without copping out with "I like both" or "no opinion" and with the recent revelation that Gina is my current favorite (until someone else gets development that shoots them up to the top)

Gina, obviously

Fuuko. She's easily the best female protagonist, and even one of the best protagonists period that I've ever seen in Jump, so gun to my head, I couldn't really say I like anyone else more than her right now

Andy, obviously right behind Fuuko

Isshin/Haruka. I realized that my insistence that Isshin is my favorite came pretty much entirely from the shock value of the reveal of her design, and while her personality and development have been pretty solid so far, she hasn't gotten to do as much as I'd like her to while other characters have continued to evolve. Right now, she's as high as she is out of fondness, but I have to accept that she can continue to fall down the ranks if she doesn't get a killer scene soon

Feng. The amount of growth and change he had since the first half of the series was so phenomenal that I can't help loving this guy, and the realization that there's still room for him to grow more makes him an easy top 5

Sean. Similar to Feng, except he seems to have done most of his development already. The gap also wasn't as huge since he was barely present in the first place, but the flip from being absolutely unlikable to one of my favorites can't be understated

Anno Un. Similar to Isshin, Anno Un's lack of involvement in the story has made it difficult for me to maintain my enthusiasm for the character that I initially had. The small part of the story that he's actually involved in is great, certainly enough to hold him in the top 10, but there's a lot of room for other characters to overtake him

Billy

Nico. Honestly could have gone either way between him and Billy, I think right now it's just that Billy's arc is more interesting, but Nico has plenty of room to climb the ranks

Rip

Latla, right behind Rip of course, but she could have jumped above him easily

Julia

Tatiana

Juiz. Not sure how Juiz fell below Julia. It never asked me to pit them against each other, I think it might be because it pitted them both against Tatiana? Funny how that works, I like Tatiana more than Juiz, Juiz more than Julia, but Julia more than Tatiana? I guess my criteria for comparing them was different

Shen

Void. Huge jump from last time, this feels a lot more appropriate for him

Mui. I do feel like she should be above Void, though, but it's close enough that I'm not worried about it

Phil. Baby boy, baby

Top. I expect his stocks to rise with the current arc, but I'm still not super attached

Victor. He's lower than I think he should be this time given how interesting his story is, but I think the criteria I was going with may have hampered his chances (I was going for a "sparks joy" metric)

Chikara. I actively tried to make him higher than last time by remembering his character arc and not just considering how little I care for his design (he's a bit too plain for me)

Yusai. Everyone past this point has so little development that it almost completely came down to either how cute/pretty they were or how funny they were, and Yusai's pretty and silly

Creed. Not cute or funny, but he's pretty cool

Tella. Pretty boy, strong yaoi energy with Billy, needs more screen time

Bunny. Baby girl, baby

Ichico. Pretty lady, fun dynamic with Nico, but hasn't done quite enough on her own to stick out in my mind as a character

Enjin. Nice short arc, but I think we need more of him to really endear me to him

Kururu. I expect her to rocket up once we get to know her better, but for now, her lack of characterization and screen time holds her back

Ruin. Does not spark joy, deserves to be down at the bottom until he pulls a Feng and becomes the number one Fuuko simp, then he'll probably jump to at least top 15

[huntingingoodwill]

sick boy headcanons part ii

masterlist

send requests for my 1.3k sleepover!

my other sick boy hcs :)

- simon, simon, simon… where should i begin!

- he loves buying you flowers! he’ll show up at your front door, whipping a slightly wilted, plastic wrapped bouquet from behind his back with his toothiest grin.

- there are often times he’s hanging out with mark and just stops in the middle of the street and is like “wait. i gotta go buy them flowers, im seeing them tonight.” and drags him into the nearest supermarket

- mark just flipping through random magazines begging him to hurry up while simon chooses the best bouquet. yeah it’s cheap but he wants the best for you! he chooses the freshest looking one every time, bringing them to you on the tube, biting the stems between his teeth as he fumbles for his card

- okay so sometimes money is tight. sometimes simon can’t really afford to blow his extra cash on store bought flowers. that’s fine! but he refuses to let you go without. he will literally drag mark to the fields to pick wildflowers for you, well, whenever he’s not shoplifting them, yelling at rents whenever he whines about it being too much trouble. he definitely steals flowers from your neighbour’s shrubs on the way to your house, showing up with a loose bouquet brimming with wildflowers, a huge smile, and a grumpy mark

- simon does not tolerate anybody treating you badly. he’ll retaliate, totally, and 100% gets an attitude, shoving and threats included, but his favourite method of solving these problems is of course: is to sic begbie on them like your guard dog

- someone spills a drink on you? your boss refuses to give you your promised pay? someone hits on you in a gross, disrespectful way? (knowing him, he probably gets mad at whoever hits on you even if it’s in the most respectful way possible) he’s all up in begbie’s ear whispering “did you see that guy? he’s totally staring at you. like, what’s his problem?” getting begbie to get super mad at them because he thinks they’re disrespecting him when it’s really all simon’s orchestration. this devolves into a fight of course, that simon watches with rapt amusement while holding his arm over your eyes to shield you from all the bloodshed

- simon is a movie stan. a buff.

- he loves bringing you to arthouse and theatres that play his favourite old movies :))

- his favourite era for film is the 60s. paul newman, alain delon, and of course, his celebrity crush: sean connery. they’re just all so suave, so cool, they’re all he wants to be!! you go to one movie with him and the next week he’s dressing like them and talking with that same quick cadence. you make fun of him for it endlessly but you’re lowkey into it

- youll sit next to him in matinees with your head on his shoulder and he can’t help but whisper little facts about the film to you every once in a while

- he probably brings a nerdy little notebook too to write details in

- mark tags along to a lot of the movie dates too i don’t make the rules

- and you and simon always bum off his popcorn which pisses him off but what’s he gonna do!

- besides going to the cinema, you two have movie nights every once in a while, watching whatever film is on tv or whatever he managed to rent that week at home together, legs kicked up on each other’s laps, eating takeaway

- he wouldn’t miss these movie nights for anything!! his friends will ask him out but he just goes “nah. cant. we’re watching goldfinger tonight.” or sometimes he’ll be out at the pub with the whole gang, and jump up suddenly, remembering he’s gotta go because taxi driver’s on at 9 and you’re waiting at home for him with food

- also because he’s a bond fanboy he takes you to every new movie!! though of course he’ll spend a good chunk of time on the bus ride home complaining about how no one can beat good ol’ connery

- also long, late night train and bus rides with him :( he always lets you fall asleep on his shoulder, and death glares at anyone who tries to sit next to you just in case it disturbs you

- he hardly wants to wake you up when you reach your stop, but watches as you rub your bleary eyes when he does. he thinks it’s cute :(

- late night walks with him, too!

- be it just simply from the train station home, or when you two can’t sleep and just need to take a late night walk. it’s just the two of you, and you spend your time just walking, the only sounds in the street being you talking