#also A FUCKING BURGER VAN ARE YOU KIDDING ME

[eddiesghxst]

also i think it’s time for a little drabble from me to you

so yes i’m horny in class when i read ur stuff what else is new.

i’m in this talking stage with a friend of mine and i know i mentioned that long term ex but we were close friends before anything. i know that before anything, eddie munson is your best friend. he’s your boyfriend, he’s your soulmate, your husband, on a leash, whipped

but he’s your best friend before anything. he’d always pick you over anyone first, besides the mind altering and earth shattering sex and romantic side, he wants to get burgers with you and let you kick your feet up on the dashboard. he wants to make fun of your music playlists (cd) and defend your life if someone else does it. he wants to be the first person you gossip to or share an achievement with, and the first person to drive you home. the first person to shotgun a beer with and teach you how to drive his van while overdramatically acting like he’ll die (again will beat someone up just for saying you parked a little off) he’s your lover but he’s your best friend first

🫶 anon

waitttt bc now i’m🥺🥺🥺

eddie really is ur best friend🥺 he never gets tired of being around you and you never get tired of being around him, u two just live in ur own little happy world all the time and everyone (the gang) is like ew this is gross

eddie is more needier than you 1000%. he’ll ask for a kiss and when you just gently kiss the corner of his mouth he’s like, “what the fuck was that?” and you shrug, “a kiss.” “that wasn’t a kiss, that was awful, do it again.” and proceeds to make you do it like four more times.

when ur out at a party and u go ur separate ways eddie finds you later on in the night and my god that boy is practically hanging onto you. wraps his arms around your shoulders and waddles behind you as you walk because he doesn’t want to let go.

the first time you drive the kids somewhere, one of them comments on your driving and eddie’s quick to offer them to walk but deep down he knows you’re absolute shit behind the wheel, which is why he never lets you drive them again. you’ll offer to drive and eddie just kindly takes the keys, “i love you, but you have a habit of pretending you’re the only one on the street, sweetheart.” but with time, you eventually get better and earn everyone’s trust <3

and he swears he doesn’t listen to whatever music you listen to but sometimes, when he misses you, he drives around and listens to your playlist, and he gets a warm fluttery feeling in his chest when the sun beams hit his windshield at the perfect angle to show the smudged footprints you left against the inside of the glass.

most times, he can’t stop himself from stopping by to drag you onto his joyride. let’s you play whatever music you want and takes you to get milkshakes and definitely devours like half of your meal bc he’s annoying but it’s okay bc he’s cute and he gives you sweet sugary kisses to make up for it

[threadandlace]

Pretty-Eyed (Danny POV)- Seamstress for the Band series, part six (4.0k)

Masterlist- to start from the beginning

Taking a bite of a burger, you sat back in the chair and chewed, watching Sam. He was taking a bite of his potato, clearly displeased about the lack of choices for dinner. You watched him add another packet of sour cream before mixing everything together. “You know, you could’ve gotten one of those bean burritos,” you chided and he shot you a look. The last time Sam had gotten a gas station burrito, he had gotten violently ill and you’d almost had to cancel a gig. That was back in the early days when it was just the four of you traveling the country in a van. Now, it seemed like everything had changed. 

“You know they’ll get over it, right?” you continued, watching him as you took another bite. Sam’s face fell as he took in your words. “I know. I also know I fucked up though.” You nodded, “that’s an understatement.” Sam rolled his eyes before taking another bite and reaching for the beer he’d opened up earlier. “What can I say? She looked good. I can’t say no to a hot girl on her knees, begging.” 

You grimaced at the crassness of his statement. “You can always say no Sam. It’s called ‘self restraint’” you quipped. “I know discipline isn’t your strong suit at the moment,” you continued and he cut you off. “Says who? What does that mean?” he shot back. Hit a nerve there I guess. “Says me. Sam, you play the part of ‘youngest brother’ well. That’s all I mean.” He raised his eyebrows, clearly expecting another answer, although he brushed you off. “Yeah, I fucked up. Been more than once. Pretty sure the world is still turning and burning,” he responded. You decided to drop the issue- clearly he was not in the mood to have a serious discussion.

Sam turned to you, his eyes narrowing in the way they did when he was about to dig into you. “What about you? You’ve been awfully chaste on this trip.” You shook your head and chuckled. “I’ve never been one for dressing room hookups. You know that as well as anyone.”

Sam nodded and took another sip of his beer. “It’s hard to see anyone else when we are constantly in the presence of such a gorgeous and talented woman,” you replied softly. Sam laughed, throwing his head back. “You’re kidding? Emily?” he joked. You shook your head and made a face. “Not Emily, although she’s amazing. And happily married. You know who I’m talking about.” You clarified, her name rolling off your tongue smoothly, almost sweet to the taste. 

“Oh. I thought you were joking about that. Just a little crush or whatever when you’d talked about her before,” Sam followed up. He shifted in his seat and downed the rest of his beer. “She’s something else. I know she drives you up a wall for some reason but… I don’t know. 

I guess it is just a little crush,” you said softly. Sam cleared his throat and asked you about a setting on his bass, clearly wanting to change the topic. You let him steer the conversation but remained puzzled as to why he clearly disliked this girl you were starting to care more deeply about.

Sam had fallen asleep in the chair, beer in one hand, bass slung across his lap. You chuckled to yourself as you carefully pulled the beer out of his hand, setting it in a cup holder before getting ready for bed. You grabbed a change of clothes and the bag containing your toiletries. You smiled at the bag which had your name embroidered on the front. “For the road! So you always know which one is yours!” your mom had exclaimed as she had lovingly presented it to you. She and your sister had picked the font and color out together and had been so excited to give it to you. You took a selfie with the bag and sent it to your family’s group chat.

Show went great tonight! Thinking about you guys and missing you tons! 

You got ready for bed and slipped into your bunk. You always took the bottom left bunk, Sam always choosing the top left. The twins used to flip a coin over their bunks, but as you all grew older, Jake let Josh have the top bunk and chose the bottom for himself. “Just don’t put your whole nasty ass foot on my bed,” Jake would grumble, although you knew he truly would never care. Sleep took you over quickly, the day’s events finally coming to a close. 

____________________________________________

“Get up Dan the man, we are here,” Josh said in a sing-song voice as he reached through the bunk’s curtains to smack your leg. You groaned, but rolled to open the curtain. He stood in front of you, beaming. “We are here!” he exclaimed and you laughed. “Heard you the first time. You sure are chipper,” you groaned as you sat up, slipping your legs out of the bed. “I slept great!” Josh replied as he turned to change his shirt. “That makes one of us,” you heard Sam grumble from above you. 

You leaned forward and turned to see Sam’s head poking out of the curtains of his bunk, deep purple bags under his eyes. “You guys think the makeup lady will have that ice thing for my face?” Sam asked and Josh turned and pointed at him. “Her name is Linda, first of all. And I will specifically tell her not to let you use it because you don’t know her name,” Josh huffed as he changed his pants. “Whatever,” Sam grunted as he rolled over.

“Nuh uh, you gotta get up! You need to try on your suit for tonight!” Josh said, standing on his toes to smack at Sam. “Josh, if you don’t kindly fuck off, I will kick you in the head. I’ve done it before and I’ll do it again,” Sam grumbled.

Jake appeared and swatted at Sam’s leg. “Get up. Do not keep her waiting after all you’ve put her through,” he ordered and Sam groaned before sliding out of bed and walking to the bathroom. “Does she need me too?” you asked, hoping the answer was yes. “Yeah, she needs you to try on your stuff too,” Jake answered as he worked on getting changed. 

You got changed and brushed your teeth quickly, wanting to spend some time alone with her before Sam headed over to try on his suit. You were excited for tonight’s outfit- it was one of the ones you’d helped design. You reflected back on when you first met her.

Six months ago 

 She had welcomed you into her studio with open arms. You had been nervous about working with a new designer, but Josh had assured you that she was the real deal- talented beyond compare, with an eye for detail even though she worked at breakneck speeds. Her welcoming and comforting nature instantly put you at ease and Josh urged you to show her pictures you’d found that you wanted her to draw inspiration from. 

You’d been hesitant, and she had sensed that, never prying and instead asking for general ideas before you warmed up to the idea of showing her what you’d been thinking about. It had been a stretch of an idea- a mostly sheer fabric with gold chains draping across. She’d loved the idea and really ran with it, taking notes in her sketchbook about the way you wanted things to reflect and drape. It had been a moment of a long, drawn out conversation about different looks each of you wanted, but it had stuck with both of you. 

She had emailed sketches later that week, more amazing than you could have dreamed. At the first try on, she’d pulled out the shirt for tonight and you’d been ecstatic at the progress- somehow it was everything you’d wanted but tailored to fit you perfectly. She had put thought into everything- the right shade for your skin, the way things hung to accentuate your anatomy, every piece placed strategically. 

You continued to reminisce as you walked to her bus. Albert greeted you as he finished gathering his stuff up before heading into the hotel. “Oh, you just missed her! She was headed up for a quick shower,” Albert said, giving you a smile. “Okay! I’ll just hang out here and wait for her, if that’s okay,” you replied, returning his smile. You liked the older gentleman- he reminded you of your grandpa a bit, his southern accent just recognizable. He gave your shoulder a pat before walking off the bus. You decided to text Sam and let him know he didn’t need to rush over.

You: She went to shower, so you have some time.

Sam: Good, I’m going back to sleep. Call me when she’s ready for me.

You chuckled at his response before opening maps and seeing what was around. You saw a cafe about two blocks from the hotel. You decided to send her a text.

I am going to grab some coffee and a muffin. What would you like?

She responded within seconds.

I’d kill for a blueberry muffin and a chai latte : )

You: You got it! 

You stuck your head into the other bus on your way. “You guys want coffee and something for breakfast?” you asked the group. “Hell yeah, can I come with?” Josh asked and you nodded. He hopped down from his bunk where he’d been reading. “Get me something, will you?” Jake added and Josh nodded. You knew Sam had fallen back asleep given that he didn’t stick his head out asking for something. 

You and Josh chatted as you made your way to the cafe. You both surveyed the menu for a moment before Josh pulled out his phone. “I should ask our girl if she wants something. She was up late working on Sam’s jacket,” Josh said as he started to type out a message. 

Our girl? What does that mean? Well… I guess she does work for all of us and we are all close to her. Closer to her than any of the rest of the crew. 

“I texted her and got her order, don’t worry,” you replied, giving him a smile. He nodded and turned back to double check the menu. When it was your turn to order, Josh ordered himself a blueberry muffin and dirty chai latte and a macchiato for Jake. You ordered for her and got a bagel and latte for yourself. “Do you think Sam wants a coffee?” you asked Josh. He nodded and added a cappuccino and chocolate chip muffin to the order. You used the tour card to pay for the order before joining Josh at a table by the counter to wait for the order. 

“How’d you sleep?” Josh asked as his eyes darted around the cafe, taking in all of the various odds and ends before tracing back to you. “I slept well. I miss my bed though,” you replied, watching him. Josh was always taking things in, observing. He pointed to a book on a bookshelf against the wall. “You read that last tour, didn’t you?” he asked casually. You looked to see what he was pointing at and saw that he was right. “I did. Good memory, as always Josh. Too bad you can’t remember your own lyrics sometimes,” you poked at him. He chuckled in agreement. 

A couple of guys approached your table and asked for a picture, which you and Josh were glad to do. Josh was caught in a conversation with one of them when your order number was called, ending the conversation. “See you guys tonight!” Josh told the group before joining you at the counter to grab the order. 

The walk back went quickly, Josh checking over your shoulder to make sure you weren’t being followed by a crowd. You had all mostly gotten used to the fame, but Josh could still be slightly uneasy around larger crowds. Josh took out your order and handed it to you and you grabbed your drinks from the carrier before heading to the wardrobe bus. You finagled the food and drinks to unlock the bus door before walking up the stairs. 

“Hey,” you called out softly. No response. You walked towards the back and put her coffee and muffin at the spot where she always sat before taking a seat on the bench and unwrapping your bagel. You chewed as you inspected the space. She had Sam’s suit on the mannequin in the corner and your pants were laid out next to the sewing machine. 

You pulled out your phone and scrolled through social media as you waited. The disgusting comments had started to subside as the fans started to theorize about what the setlist for tonight’s show would be and what the outfits would look like. Some of them had pieced together that each state had a color, some of them even guessing that tonight’s show would be orange. You couldn’t help but laugh at how serious they were about some things- who knew something as simple as a color scheme would send people scattering. 

You looked up as the bus door opened. Sam climbed aboard, shoving the last of his muffin into his mouth. He plopped down on the bench next to you. “Where is she?” he asked as he chewed. The time on your phone sent up a red flag- it’d been almost an hour. You called her, sipping your coffee as you waited.

“Hey! I’m coming down right now, I am so sorry, I totally fell asleep and…” she trailed off and you heard the elevator ding. “It’s fine! Don’t worry about it! We will see you in a second!” you reassured. “Okay, bye!” she said quickly before she hung up. You put your phone back on the table and finished your bagel. “Is she okay?” Sam asked. “Yeah, she just fell asleep. She’s on her way down,” you replied. He nodded and leaned back against the wall, closing his eyes as he waited. 

She flew onto the bus, clearly frazzled as she put down her stuff. “I am so sorry guys, I sat down for one minute and just fell right asleep,” she said, brushing her wet hair off of her face. Her cut was looking better, her face less swollen and her black eye nearly gone aside from the slight tinge of yellow ringing her eye socket. 

You grabbed her drink and handed it to her. “It’s okay. It happens. It’s not like you’re up into odd hours of the night working for us or anything.” She smiled at you, instantly relaxing as she took a sip. “Sam if you want to try your suit on, you can take it off the form. It’s all ready. Hopefully,” she sighed as she handed you the pants from next to the sewing machine. “These should be fine, but if you wouldn’t mind trying them on for me just to be sure, that’d be great,” she said before quickly turning and moving to rummage in the closet. 

She worked so quickly, you swore you could blink and you’d miss her. You instantly smiled as she carefully removed your shirt from the rack, turning to show you. “I think it turned out pretty great. We need to check the range of motion though, like always,” she stated as she handed it to you. Sam was waiting by the form patiently, watching the two of you. 

“What’s up Sammy?” she asked, pausing. She usually called him Sam, even though he usually couldn’t care less whether people called him Sam or Sammy. He smiled at her and gestured to the form. “I’m too scared to touch it,” he said, wearing his anxiety on his sleeve for once.

It was like the wall between the two of them had suddenly fallen, both of them instantly relaxing as she walked over to show Sam the best way to take the jacket off the form, ensuring him that he won’t hurt anything. He still moved carefully, slipping it over his bare back and slowly putting his arms in the sleeves. “Shit, this is heavy,” he joked as he jostled, a slight tinkling noise coming from the adornments. 

Her face fell. “It’s too heavy?” she asked timidly. “No! It’s fine! Like we talked about, I always shed my jacket anyways,” he clarified, running his hands lightly over the jacket. He went to the mirror and examined the jacket from multiple angles before turning back to her. “I love it,” he smiled and she beamed. “Really?” she asked. He nodded before carefully removing it. “Do you want me to put it on a hanger?” he asked. Look who has come full circle, hanging up his own clothes and everything. 

She grabbed a hanger from the closet and handed it to him before turning to admire your outfit. Her eyes gleamed with pride, her smile infectious. “That good, huh?” you asked before walking over to the mirror. She wasn’t overreacting- it looked fantastic. Somehow she had been able to take every idea you’d had and make an even better, tangible version. “I’m speechless,” you uttered before turning to face her. Sam had a look of amazement on his face. “Shit, they’re gonna go nuts tonight. I don’t know how we can get better than this,” he said quietly. 

After the clothes had been carefully put away, you helped her clean out your shoes from the night before, something she had forgotten to do. “You really don’t have to do that,” she had maintained, trying to gently take the pair of black boots from your hands. “If I do mine while you do Jake’s, we can knock it out in half the time.” She shrugged. “You have a good point,” was all she said as she handed you the foot powder to dust inside. “This is why I don’t wear shoes,” Sam chimed in from his spot on the bench, “too much extra work for you.” She smiled at him. “Why, thank you Sammy. Truly a gallant sacrifice.” He chuckled as he finished his coffee, watching you two work. I don’t know what’s changed, but I’m glad it has.

You and Sam hung out on the wardrobe bus for a few hours, the three of you enjoying each other’s company as you chatted. She had worked on finishing the wardrobe for Kentucky, showing you and Sam each piece as she pulled it out to figure out what needed to be finished. 

“That’s a new style,” you noted as she showed you Josh’s outfit. The main part of the outfit was almost like the dusters he’d worn on the last tour, except it was actual fabric and buttoned near what would be the navel area. She pulled out a pair of pants, placing it under the top, showing how it would look when completed.

“It’s definitely something different. He actually got the idea from one of these wedding outfits I’d designed in school- it had to be “dress-like” but not a dress. Everyone did jumpsuits but I figured a cross between a cape and a shirt with a separate pair of pants would be kinda cool. Hopefully it works out. The fabric is breezy,” she moved the fabric to demonstrate, “so it shouldn’t be too hot or heavy. Unlike you,” she pointed to Sam, “he stays fully clothed during performances.” 

As if he could hear himself being talked about, Josh appeared. “Have you guys looked outside recently?” he said, out of breath as he sat down next to Sam. Jake was behind him, his sunglasses falling down the bridge of his nose. “Shit,” he sighed as he sat down next to you. “What’s going on?” you asked and Jake shook his head before pointing to the window. “Take a look for yourself.” 

You pulled the blinds down and saw a huge crowd, people swarming every inch of the parking lot. Sam was pressed behind you, watching. “Emily said we are going to head to the venue as soon as she can get Albert out here. It’s a mess. This group is really pushy,” Josh said as he ran his hands over his face. “That bad, huh?” Sam asked, going back to sit next to Josh. Josh nodded. “It’s the first time I’ve seen Emily genuinely nervous. We didn’t have enough security so they actually ended up grabbing Jake,” Josh said as he gestured towards his twin. 

“Are you okay?” she asked as she moved towards Jake. He finally pushed his sunglasses up onto his face and cleared his throat, “yeah, we are good. Again, they really don’t mean any harm, people just get excited.”

You all waited for Albert as she showed off the wardrobe for Kentucky. Josh was delighted with his outfit, raving about how excited he was to wear it. You watched her as she explained different elements to the group, her excitement palpable. The way she smiled so brightly when Josh gushed over his outfit and the way her eyes shone with pride when Jake gave her a nod of approval over his shoes, no matter what she did, she was stunning. Somehow she fit into your little group perfectly.

Albert finally made it onto the bus, his face flushed. “I had to fight off about a hundred women to get on here. Y’all must be the new Beatles or something,” he joked before taking his seat and slowly pulling out of the parking lot.

Taglist: @eyelinerjake @radmads-gvf @gretavansara

Let me know if you’d like to be added to the taglist ♥️ new parts every Saturday and Tuesday!

[munsonology]

I saw the other pregnancy story and I raise you MY parents pregnancy story

My mom is a nurse who works labor and delivery. My dad is well...my dad? He is a former stoner who somehow got a job as a security guard and got on the straight and narrow (can't risk his job if they drug test him!). Anyways, my mom also did not think she was pregnant right away because she is also very irregular when it comes to her period. Her best friend just announced she was pregnant. My mom's friend joked "maybe YOU'RE pregnant too". My mom was like ???....!!!!

Went home and tested and bam. Pregnant. My dad was panicking slightly (my mom's favorite story is how she told him he was so ecstatic and happy and they cried and hugged and after they calmed down he immediately pulled away panicked and said "WE GOTTA HIDE THE WEED" and she replied "you haven't smoked for a year there is no weed" and he just went "oh shit yea" 😭)

Then when it came time for the birth, you aren't allowed to eat or drink anything during. Just ice chips. So her water broke at my grandparents and she was just chilling whilst my dad was like "OH GOD ITS TIME GET JN THE VAN" and she did and he was so panicked he was like "wait how do I get there from here". So my mom is giving my dad directions and he's like a ball of anxiety until he realizes "wait we're in the middle of town now and the hospital is the opposite way". This bitch gave him directions to a Dairy Queen because she was craving a milkshake and French fries and knew they wouldn't let her eat when she got there 😭. He is not happy and is mumbling threats at her but gets her the food and off to the hospital they go! They arrive and according to my dad she "strolls in, sunglasses on, almost finished milkshake in one hand and the other on her stomach, looking like a goddess". And her coworkers looked at her and all she said was "its time" and everyone was like OKAY LETS GO.

After three hours of waiting (labor had started but I guess there are different stages idk like the water had broken but it still takes awhile if its your first?) My mother, my beautiful amazing snarky mother looks at my dad who is now mumbling about how he should have picked something up at the dairy queen, and tells him to get out. YES!!! He is sitting there like 😟 and she says "oh its gonna be many more hours go get something to eat then come back, cause you are NOT eating in this room in front of me". And my dad being my dad is like no I love you im going to stay and she tells him that his favorite local family diner opened back up after it had been closed for renovations. Mom jokes you could see smoke from how quick he ran out of there.

My dad then says while he was sitting at this diner eating a burger and humming, his waitress came up and asked what he was doing there (he did not realize she was flirting at the time but my mom yelled at him that the waitress was). My dad's reply was "Oh my wife is giving birth right now 😃" and this waitress immediately scoffed and the other diner patrons turned to look at him andglares at him! He realized his mistake but he already dug himself in the hole. He paid and left an extra large tip.

He returned to my mom, who was sitting watching TV and grumbling about how long this was gonna take. 8 hours later, j was born

(Ngl I think the story is cute but those are MY parents ljke ew. But I can totally see all the Eddie fans go crazy so enjoy. I prefer Steve but dabble in some Eddie)

Thank you for sharing this! I loved reading it ☺️

I know I said fuck them kids the other day but I really do love pregnancy stories and kids!! I just don’t want KARENS assuming I have a kid or should’ve had one already 🙃 and I found out my cousin is pregnant again and I can feel my auntie’s head spinning around 😭

And your parents are so cute! AND DAIRY QUEEN 😭😭😭😭your mom is a literal queen for walking in the hospital like the baddie she is!!

And the entire diner judging your dad 😭 like they could’ve at least let him explain. I’ve seen some guys take a ps5 to the hospital and ngl I think I’d be playing too if I was waiting around for 16 hours to give birth I’m sorry 😭

My mom made my dad get her fish sandwiches and taco bell 😭 and it’s funny because I’ve never been to taco bell ever in my life. And she had really bad preeclampsia so she was admitted like right after the visit. I was like 3 weeks early so idk if they even had stuff set up yet lmaoooo

[lasnevadas]

WILVBUR CANT BE FUCKIN NORMAL CAN HE

[eddiescumfilledsock]

more (mostly romantic) eddie hc because this man never leaves my mind now

CW for having a kid and marrige if that bothers you, I think i made sure it stayed all gn though

-he would love to give you pretty flowers he saw on a tree or bush, even just nornal leafs and dandelions, as well as any cool rock or button skjdjdj

-if you do the same he will get so giddy and press them before glueing it to some paper and keep it in a shoe box with the other little things you gave him and theyre his most prized possessions hed say its a tie or right after his guitar but he's lying

-hes like that its a crystal nothing more meme but instead of a crystal its any neat little thing he found on the side of the road lmao

-him putting fruit stickers on you <3

-hed put it right in the middle of your forehead and say some shit like you cost 1.98 but are priceless to me like the sweet dork he is if you do the same to him he will stick them to the inside part of the lide in the show box too

-hhhhhnnnn him not being able to really buy you a big pretty bouquet of flowers so he picks a bunch of random ones he thinks look nice from peoples yards and those planters outside shops and gives them to you in a gas station cup

-he is kinda embarrassed once he gives them to you because he couldnt get you something fancy and is scared youll hate them but that all melts away when he sees how happy you are

-taking a couple polaroid pics of them so even when they eventually wilt and die you will both always have a physical memory :)

-he would also do that thing if you dont like the pickles on your burger or a specific flavour of skittle he will eat them even if he doesn't like them either instead of just like,,, neither of you eating them

-he doesn't do it becuase hes worried about wasting money or food or anything like that hes kinda stupid sometimes but its okay hes cute and means well <3

-hed do that shit where hed blow his nose and hand you the tissue or burp and blow it at you and say for you babe <3

-a menace

-if you draw or make him something he will cherish that shit until the day he dies, even if its just a random little doodle on a sticky note

-expanding on that, if you're an artist and draw his dnd character he would literally never recover im not even kidding it could look like shit and hed still show everyone, rub it into the guys faces that his s/o drew his character and only his

-if you did the hellfire symbol thing hed put it in the front pocket of the binder he uses to keep the papers and stuff in

-GOD HIM MAKING A LITTLE RING OUT OF THE TWIST TIE TO A LOAF OF BREAD AND GIVING IT TO YOU AND PROMISING HES GONNA GET YOU A REAL DIAMOND ONE SOME DAY

-matching jewlery with him <3 whether it be a necklace or bracelet or even ring, if he picks it out itd be one of those silly little kid ones but if it's t o o childish hed probs just have it on his key ring or hanging in his van though :/ gotta keep up that bad boy rocker look

-if you guys have a special song together he would wanna get some lyrics tattooed on him, that or as cheesy as it is your name/initials in your hand writing

-hed wanna get one with your name and the day you met/started dating/got married at first but it looked too much like a remembrance one for someone thats died so he scrapped that idea

-hed be over the moon ecstatic if you did the same or something for him but would understand if you didnt want to get a tattoo, they arent for everyone :)

-fucking you know that scene from the movie up where they put their hand prints on the mail box? he would do that shit on his van and any other vehicle he gets

-when you guys get a house or apt hed wanna do the same on the wall

-if you have a kid(s) someday hed like them to add their hand print too <3

-carving your names into trees and picnic tables all the time

-hed want you to kiss his guitar pick before any shows he plays for good luck, if he ever gets famous in any capacity hed say your kisses helped

-if you have hiccups he would scare you by yelling as loud as he can no matter where you are then say you're welcome :)

-why do i get the vibes he would be the kid at lunch that just d r i n k s ranch

-

AN: i don't think giving gifts is his main love language so this might just be me projecting but i think hed also do these ksjdjd if anyone actually reads this and wants to share a hc pls feel free!! i love seeing content for this dude <3

[stellocchia]

Also. Prompt. Pre the Wilbur boner lore incident

Tommy's sent to las nevadas to like. Deliver some news to Quackity from wilbur (wilbur can't go in person EVERY time he needs to let Quackity know he's better than him)

And he does. And Quackity kinda asks him to help out with a little itty bitty thing and since I like to think that Tommy has a shit ton of handy skills, he agrees to help fix whatevers broken since it's just a short delay and then as thanks Quackity let's him play a few games for free and then it's already getting dark and even if the burger van is a 5 minute walk away, why not just stay in Las nevadas for the night and hey. He actually catches some fucking solid sleep for the first time in months. And obviously then he has to stay for breakfast and because Wilbur may have raised a Brat but that brat still has manners, he helps clean up afterwards and hey there's still another small thing he could help out with and what do you know, suddenly it's been a week since he was sent to deliver that message and Wilburs there yelling about how Big Q kidnapped him.

Big Q adopting Tommy my beloved!

---

Wilbur had been very clear about his instructions, go to Quackity, ask him if he wanted to discuss borders over a candlelight dinner, and then get back with the answer.

He wasn't sure why he of all people had been chosen to ask out Big Q for Wilbur when Ranboo was right there and had a husband, but he wasn't gonna turn down such an easy task. At least it wasn't mining stone until he was hallucinating this time.

He went up to Quackity, asked what he needed to, and got a resounding "not even if he pays me" answer and he was about to go back. He really was But then Quackity asked him if he could trim one of their trees since it was a peculiar one and he didn't know how to touch it, and Tommy couldn't exactly say no to that, could he?

He helped with the tree and Quackity offered him a full dinner as payment. And Tommy had manners so, of course, he accepted. By the end of it, he was so full that he just fell asleep right there. On the table. He almost expected to wake up there as well, but no. He found himself tucked into a comfortable bed in the Las Nevadas hotel. Somehow he'd managed to sleep straight through the night. No nightmares or anything. It was amazing.

He was still planning to go back to Wilbur with his answer as soon as he got up, but then Foolish was there to invite him to breakfast with the rest of Las Nevadas and he just thought that it had been a while since he had that much company. And Tubbo was there too, he missed Tubbo.

After breakfast, he was asked if he could babysit all the various kids for a moment while the others took care of cleaning up. And there were about four kids there, he couldn't just let them roam around and cause chaos, could he? So he stayed. And then there was lunch, another dinner, and Tubbo wanted to show him the suspicious green leak he found in the kitchen of the Tubburger, and Foolish asked him to help restore an old wooden table, and Big Q just wanted to hang out for a bit and, oh, it had been a week already.

So he shouldn't have been as surprised as he was when Wilbur came marching to Las Nevadas demanding Quackity hand him back. As if he'd been kidnapped. Maybe he had. He wasn't too sure what constituted a kidnapping. They gave him food and a comfortable place to sleep and he decided to stay, was that kidnapping? No no, he was pretty sure it wasn't.

"He's a kid! Are you really such lowly scum that you'd use my kid brother as a hostage?" Wilbur insisted. "For the last time Wilbur: I didn't kidnap him. We just have actual beds and running water here so he likes it more" Quackity explained exasperatedly. "Also Tubbo" Tommy piped up "Tubbo's here". Tubbo nodded "I am!".

Wilbur was looking confusedly at him now. Oh, he hadn't spoken up yet, had he?

"So you just... left me? Willingly?" he seemed heartbroken, and Tommy couldn't leave with himself if he let him believe that. "I didn't leave you, I just took some time to rest". "That's what leaving is, Tommy" Wilbur remarked. "Oh, then yeah, I did. But they have Tubbo and showers, you have a scorpion infestation, like, come on. Can you really blame me here?"

Wilbur thought about it for one moment, then finally he sighed and shook his head "But you'll still visit?". Tommy nodded enthusiastically "Right now!". Wilbur smiled "Well then alright".

[tiredsmashbros]

THE BAND AU THE BAND AU GUH

THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN KITTY, THIS GENUINELY CAME OUT SO GOOD I LOVE TSB'S POSE BRO IS SUCH A YAPPER HE BECAME A SINGER!!!!!! BRO KEENING INTO HIS COMEDIAN SIDE LETS GOOOO AND THE BURGER SHIRT AAAAA SO YUMMY AND I LOVE THE LONG SLEEVES ON HSI SHIRT ARE A MORE GREY THAN BLUE ITS AN INTERESTING DESIGN CHOICE AND OFC CANT FORGET TO ADMIRE THE BACKWARDS CAP BRO ALWAYS GOTTA SHOW OFF THAT DRIP OYUIGHJFEDCSXUHJDCS

ADDITIONALLY THE WALL EVERYONE ELSE IS ALSO DESIGNED TOO IS SO COOL!!!! WITH SMGL:E'S HAIR PUT UP AND THAT SICK ASS BLUE + PURPLE GUITAR AND WATCHING YOU DRAW HEXSY WAS SO COOL TOO U DREW SO FAST MAN I CANT THE DRUMS AND THAT HAND SPIN ON THE STICK IS SO COOL !!!!!!! 8YUIGHJFEDCSXUHJG EVEN VAN THEMSELVES IS SO FUCKING COOL CHECK OUT THAT EXPRESSION!!!!!! BRO IS ROCKING IT!!!!!!!! AND THE SILLY STICKER REFERENCES ARE ALWAYS RECEIVED WITH A GIGGLE FROM ME HAHAHAHA

ONCE I GET MORE FREE TIME OR DURING BREAKS IM DEF GONNA BE DRAWING SOME LIL FANART OF THESE!!! GIVES ME FNF VIBES AND I JUST LOVE BAND AUS IN GENERAL {NOT TO MENTION ON OF MY FAV ALL TIME SHOWS IS LITERALLY ABOUT A KIDS IN A BAND OUIGYHJFEDSGILUHJEDCS}

shaboom!! band au!!

@tiredsmashbros // @libbytwq // @nxva-blogz

[rhaenyraisadyke]

Healthy Competition Transcript: 7/25/21

It's the entire thing so I hope this helps!

W: Hey.. Phil

P: Oh.. Hey

W: Hey, hey Phil how’s it going? How's It going man?

P: Oh, it's going, it's going alright.

W:I just thought I'd visit, Phil. I just thought you knew I would come and visit you. I haven’t seen you in awhile.

W: Phil I must confess I have come to you with a bit of a proposition. You into propositions Phil? Are you a proposition kind of guy?

P: Oh it depends depends, oh you, you’ve had some pretty lets just say not a great track record of propositions you’ve had in the past

W: I mean I’m trying to move past that. Listen Phil, I met Quackity after you kindly lent me your house, I went and met him, I met up with him, and I hadn't seen him in ages and it was nice, it felt good. He didn't seem afraid of me. Which is cool, not many people do. Phil, you don’t seem afraid of me?

P: No. No not at all

W: Good. Good because I’m not afraid of you. Uh.. Listen I met quackity and I hung out with him and I came to one conclusion about him and MY GOD the pricks resourceful aint he.

P: Yes.. he’s very.. he's one of the richest on the server at the minute. He's one of the richest people

W: What happened? What? You, you are telling me Quackity, the guy who made SWAG party, would be the richest man, geez I wouldn’t have believed you for a second but here we are.

But look, Phil, I am a bit of a propagator of the idea that capitalism shouldn’t be unchecked. You know the free market, maybe isn’t ever really that free you know. I am a bit into my interjection, you know the government interjection but there’s isn't a government anymore phi its anarchy it's pretty much what ah I see his name I see his name. (Ran boo)

P: Ha, Ha you see it

W: As much as I disagree with your opinions on anarchy. It's pretty harmless. I can’t hate you for it. I can’t hate you for literally living in a peaceful little village in the snow, I mean the server, it's never been this peaceful since the countries and nations and cities… So Phil I came to you with one question. Do you think quackity should be allowed to be left unchecked?

P: Uh no.

W: Do you think he should be allowed to grow? Oh you answered already. I agree with you Phil, I also don’t think quackity should be allowed to be left unchecked.

But you know what the problem is, there’s no Interpol, there’s no government, there’s no police force.. Technoblade spent this entire time taking down the establishment and what he's left with as predicted a POWER VACUUM for a new establishment to come in and this establishment is ahh ahh pretty unethical Phil its gambling, you a fan of gambling

P: Oh gods

W: This servers like 50% children Phil..

P: oh gods that's terrible.. yeah no that's awful.

W: ahh haha don’t sound too..

P: Gambling ruins peoples lives dude.

W: TRUE TRUE! And you know what He's getting away with , Phil. I have a proposition for you, I am glad you’re on my side and glad you agree with this Phil. I want to make a burger van.

P: Oh….

W I know when you heard of the burger van, you walked away. I get it. It's a bit of deja vu, but the difference is the burger van isnt gonna sell drugs. We are against toxic money making schemes now. We GENUINELY, genuinely selling burgers, I want to make burgers, I want to make every stake so it has a name. And. And uh (Wilbur re reads the book “Project Nevadas” Quackity left for him)

P: It definitely sounds better than the drug van,

W: yeah yeah yeah that's what I’m going to do Phil, but you see you need to understand I need someone to help me, because I’m not doing this for any reason outside of “I have an aspiration.. a goal in life to be a culinary expert” I want to be chef now Phil. I’m done now with being a President, being a government, being an authority, I want to be a burger man. I wanna sell burgers. That's my calling. That's been my calling all along. There's no ulterior motive behind this plan. I’ve got the real-estate, I’ve got the know-how and I’ve got the chutzpah (it's a yiddish word for guts basically woooo). Phil are you in?

P:I mean, ahh. You know I don’t know much about making burgers and burger vans, but I want to know who does?

W: Who?

P: Ranboo. He could help out.

W: what the fuck does he know about burgers?

P: he's literally the richest most knowledgeable person on the server besides me -

W: Phil you called - that's literally the second person you called the richest on the server. How does being rich climate him know about burgers?

P: Well you said you needed bread, you said you needed resources.. he has everything you could need.

W: What do you mean?

P: And also, he kinda knows… Right i'll be honest i'll be honest will, he's a little bit lonely, um there’s not much going on out here we are in a wilderness, a snowy blizzard wilderness right? Nothing goes on, nothing really happens here.

W: ha haha, sorry sorry. I didn’t mean to laugh at him being lonely. That shouldn’t of tickled me.

P: He needs something to keep him busy, to keep him occupied. He's done everything on the server, he's literally done everything. Give him, give him something else to do. Have fun.

W: I don’t want to. I genuinely don't want to. He's weird Phil. he's the weird neighbor kid.

P: oh STOP no stop!

W: Look at him he's that weird neighbor kid who's got something going on, you know maybe in the basement or something there’s something going on right.

P: he's harmless he's harmless

W: he's harmless now, give him a burger van and he might spatula me. Phil looks at me. Can you imagine a spatula through my skull? Huh?

P: That's not gonna happen. He’s very nice. Go make friends. Alright

W: All I need is a fire aspect sword, a bunch of cows, an anvil and some levels and we can do this Phil.

P: And he (ranboo) can give you all of those.

W: Oh my gosh stop making me play with the neighbor kids.

P: Alright stop I’m putting my foot down. If you don’t go play with them right now, I’m kicking you out of the house.

W: What the fuck?! What do you mean? Kicking? You can’t just kick- ohhhhh

P: I can and will.

W: Phil I’m ah…

P: Be nice. Go say hi, he's great. He's a great guy

W: Look Phil I trust you, I'll trust you this much, and I'll trust you that he's fine and he can help me, BUT if he's shit, you gotta come help. You gotta be burger boy with me.

P: I’ll be around, I'll be around, he's fine, you'll be fine, you guys will get along so well.

W: Thanks Phil…

P: You got this Wil, bye mate.

W: I don’t really want… What is this, why is he treating me like a kid? Like a little baby? Oh shit he's got cows…. Ah aH oh god I wasn’t built for this (gets attacked by a spider which he then crits the spider) There we go.. My man got cows. This bread as well?? No,it's not that he can farm apparently. Wait, that is bread. Wait… was that fire aspect? Is this a set up? I guess I'll befriend him… Knock knock - oh

R: woah oh

W: Hi Ranboo

R: Woah hello

W: You remember me?

R: Yeah I remember you. How are you? Its been awhile

W: It's been a little while, I mean we only met once, I mean I was just coming through visiting me pa, in his little cottage in the snow, very cute in the snow isn't it?

R: Yeah it is very nice

W: I just happened to notice you have a lot of cows.

R: Yeah! yeah I have a nice little cow farm, it's been pretty good for food recently so its been kind of yeah.

W: Can you hit one of them with your sword again please?

R: You want me to kill one?

W: Yeah quickly

R: yeah okay

W: Ranboo, I have a proposition for you

R: Yeah what’s that?

W: I know we have not got off on the best of terms but I'd like to think bygones be bygones let's bury the hatchet, let's be..

R: Yeah

W: Ranboo I’m gonna go out on a limb here, do you want to be friends?

R: S- Sure. I don’t see why not. You seem alright.

W: Cool cool. Thank you, thank you, you seem alright too. Can I come inside?

R: Oh yeah sure sure

W: I have a proposition for you.

R: Do you like my live laugh love sign?

W: Why is life capitalized?

R: it's the most important one

W: Ha, living is the most important one, living Is above laughing and loving?

R: Yeah it's priority number one honestly I just look at it when I wanna know what to do.

W: ha, okay, look look my proposition to you, um (looking at the ranboo rug)

R: Yeah its um it's my nice little rug here

W: We, we will talk in the hallway, my promotion to you ranboo was, as I have a dream of being a culinary chef.

R: Oh really! Thats nice

W: I’ve been doing a lot of things on this server. You know? President, terrorist, dead.

R: yeah that's one of them

W: I feel like the next progression is chef. Every, you know the saying….

R: okay…

W: All musicians wanna be comedians, and all dead terrorist presidents wanna be chefs. So I decided I wanna be a chef.

R: Okay! Okay.

W: I want to be a chef for no other reason than I like cooking okay?

R: Cool!

W: All I need though, is I don’t have much to my name. I have a lot of stones, I have some TnT, I have some stone tools, and a rabbit's foot.

R: Oh okay.

W: But I don’t have the cows, I don’t have the fire aspect sword, and I thought if you wanted to we could um you could we could be business partners. I’ve got the real-estate. I’ve got a great location. It’s gonna be bustling, with people eventually, there’s gonna be people coming and going, hungry too! They’re gonna be coming and going, in and out and in and out and we’ll be here

R: Yeah…

W: And get the money! We will get the money Ranboo.

R: I mean yeah sure I’ve been needing something to do, I’m down for that. That would be cool.

W: Cool, cool come with me. I gotta show you the real-estate.

R: I’m actually really glad

W: I see this as the blooming of a brilliant business relationship or a business partnership. Have you heard of Las Nevadas?

R: ohhh… yeah, yeah I remember I had an old, old cookie stand there awhile back that we just decided to abandon because it was just.. it was more just trouble.

W: A cookie stand?

R: It was more trouble than it was honestly worth.

W: Wait, you tried? You had a cookie stand?

R: I mean yeah….

W: Outside of Las Nevadas? So you did the cooking?

R: Yeah it was a little, yeah

W: Outside of Las Nevadas?

R: Yeah but then, but then, he the guy Quackity, he got all up in arms about it and everything because we decided to expand a little bit and then we just decided it was, it was too much troubles so then we kinda just, we kinda just left it so

W: So he didn't like it? He didn't like your selling of a cookie stand?

R: Yeah he didn't like it all too much. I don’t, I don’t know what it was but like it was just eh it was just more dumb conflict but eh ti was whwatever.

W: Well that's fine, that's fine because we’re Ranboo we’re not gonna annoy quackity… we can’t annoy him because we are simply put, gonna be making, I got the real-estate and he gave me the area and we are going to be making a competing business.

R: okay…

W: Because competition makes business flourish, the consumer.. Do you like the consumer? You’re a bit- a big fan of the consumer ranboo?

R: Yeah yeah, I consume things from time to time

W: Look Ranboo the consumer, the consumer is the one who does well when there is um conflict and competition right?

R: Yeah that makes sense

W: So what I want to do is make competition right? So I want to make competition so when Las Nevadas fully opens up and you can go gambling and stuff I want to make it so that people have options so people don't just have to eat at las Nevadas grills and such. So if they want they can come to our grill,

R: Yeah that's good

W: and the difference is that is that we will make our grill better than theirs and we will make lots of money and then quackity will be able to you know maybe have to make a deal with us and to maybe be our friend and and

R: But we are gonna do this respectfully right? We are gonna do something smaller and everything right?

W: Yeah I have the land and we can make it small and honestly there’s no reason for us to go further out then we need to because you know we got the location. So have you ever been in Las Nevadas or gambling Ranboo?

R: Well no, no one has actually been there when I’ve been there.

W: It’s very fun, gambling is very fun.

R: Ah

W: Gambling is what I would argue like the only reason to go to this Las Nevadas place, I mean there’s nothing else to do there

R: Okay…

W: Its like its ll that happens you know

R: Yeah just gambling

W: There's a strip club there Ranboo

R: OH yeah! For logs

W: You- you into strippers?

R: Um I mean all it just does is make the wood look different so it doesn’t really do much

W: It does make the wood look different. You’re right, you’re right Ranboo. Would you say you like Quackity? Sorry I’m really bombing you with questions right now - eh I just wanna, I want to pick your brain. I wanna know how Ranboo works.

R: Hmm no its okay its okay. I’m completely okay with it, yeah. Um I think that I, hes, I mean the thing is I just haven't seen him in so like long you know the last interaction with him I had was before the stuff that happened with everything else it's just kind of been I don't know, we were part of the same cabinet with New Lmanburg or whatever it was.

W: Cabniet…

R: Yeah Canbiet it was like…

W: A canbiet? Was this with Tubbo…?

R: Yeah yeah he had like me, Fundy, I was the minutes man and I wrote stuff down well they never checked my notes so I don’t know how useful my job was honestly. I don't know if they actually needed me but I was there.

W: Yeah yeah I know that. I know that feeling.

R: Yeah

W: So you were part of the old Lmaburg government? I didn’t know that actually.

R: Yeah, yeah

W: I thought you were a bit of an independent. I thought you were you know… so you would say you are friends with Quackity?

R: I mean yeah.. I mean I’m not really TOO much against him, but I mean yeah

W: Do you dislike anyone Ranboo?

R: Not.. too much I dont think. I mean there are other people I don't agree with of course but I think everyones just a product of what they have gone through and everything so if you understand that then you understand that, then you understand the person.

W: But don’t you think there’s sometimes allying yourself with everyone you know, it can actually make your life more complicated, more complex, more difficult…. more…

R: Yeah….. which is why I’ve kinda just went to live with Techno and Phil kind of away from everything. And try not to involve myself in that much. But then I just have a terrible radar of what is involving myself and what isn't so.

W: Right..

R: It's difficult sometimes.

W: It sounds like you set yourself up for a bit of a stressful, stressful life… So you don’t dislike anyone?

R: Yeah…

W: What about Dream?

R: Ummm yeah Well that's that. With Dream it's kind of like, all I’ve, all I’ve heard about Dream, all I’ve seen about Dream is just been the really bad things that he's done and everything so I would say I- I yeah I don’t really like Dream, but I mean he's also not really someone that it matters whether or not I like him because he's away in that prison for a very long time, so I mean, yeah.

W: With no trail.

R: Well I mean.. he… its

W: This is our competition Ranboo!

R: Oh!

W: Here's the competition

R: Okay. No ones really been here I dont think…

W: Can you even buy anything?

R: I don’t think they have half, half doors… they have

W: Smokers, Furnaces, they don't, it's just nothing

R: Huh.

W: It doesn't benefit the consumer Ranboo does it? Imagine you come here gambling.. First off the fucking door is shut

R: Mhm

W: Wait there’s a hole…

R: ohh… uh? that's interesting. I haven't been here in awhile, I just haven't been outside in awhile honestly.

W: Are we allowed… in?

R: I dont… I dont know.

W: It looks like crap Ranboo. Don't bother, it looks awful.

R: Oh, oh okay. Okay.

W: The point is this does not benefit the consumer right? This building does not benefit the consumer, it's just made to look pretty and make the consumer feel like.. lee do a test. I can promise you me ol, or should I say new pal, that this sign, I guarantee will not go. That will be here forever and that will never leave. (Signs that say “closed forever” “Quackity burger place is crap” “Go behind this building to better burgers'')

R: It's.. I don't know if abandoned is the right word, I don't know what you call it.

W: There we go, I guarantee these signs will stay there because they don’t care about the customer. They only care about looking cool and ooh ooh we got a restaurant, no they dont.

R: Yeah no one is really keeping it up.

W: Let me show you the real-estate. This is the best part, so come with me. Bah bum ba bum bum bum bum ba Oh ranboo, do you see the cock ranboo?

R: Oh that's what that is? I thought it was a clock actually

W: See that cock?

R: Yeah I see it.

W: That's our border. Well, technically, this wood is our border. This area.

R: Okay.

W: This area is ours. I’ve been trying to think of a name for it.

R: Hmm

W: I’m thinking about Paradise.

R: Paradice…

W: How’d you think about Paradise Ranboo?

R: Well I mean it could be good word play with the whole gambling thing.. pair of dice.

W: That is good.. you, you really are a smart cookie, a smart kind of guy.

R: Thank you!

W: Well, this is where I’ve been sort of working. So this is sort of where Tommy and I have been working. Tommy sadly couldn’t be here to help me, and um let me show you where I think we should make the burger van.

R: okay

W: Well I think it should be, it's to be close to the border so that people can access it and then get straight back to gambling. The customer, the customer, is happy, the customer gets their burgers and then goes straight back to gambling. How about we build it here, right here.

R: Right here? Okay that works. So what do you have in mind, you seem to have a vision.

W: 1950s… burger, retro. Red and white stripes.

R: Red and White okay, I have Blue?

W:Blue…

R: I have blue.

W: I’m not a big fan of Blue.

R: oh okay well I don’t really know where to get a lot of red.

W: Flowers… I can get you red. Ranboo you seem to be proficient, you can start building the van I’ll be back.

R: Alright..

W: Also, also give me your fire aspect, I’ll get the beef and then we can begin and we can get the bread.

R: okay uh here

W: Ran-orad, Ranaord? Ranord.

R: I name all my things with different puns. It's just Ran and sword

W: That's good, that's a good one, new friend, I like it. This isn't drawing any parallels to your cookie shop right? This is a completely different feeling?

R: yeah no the cookie shop I’m pretty sure, I don't even know if it was a cookie shop to begin with… because it was a little fortified if i'm entirely honest…

W: Fortified?

R: yeah did you not see like oh! That giant stone structure as you came in here and walked around

W: oH wait, that's a cookie shop?

R: Yeah

W: I thought it was like a, I thought it was like a palisade

R: no I mean tubbo told me it was for cookies but I’m thinking about it now..

W: oh tubbo.. tubbo.

R: I don’t think it was

W: See I like tubbo man, he's strong headed and he doesn't let people push him around.

R: Yeah yeah

W: Did you learn a lot? Did you learn a lot from him?

R: Maybe yeah, I also just, if people aren't willing to change their views or anything I find it unnecessary to mindlessly argue so.

W: So Ranboo you say this yet you show up in all the conflict. I’m not I’m not coming at you like judging you, I'm not one to talk about conflict.

R: Mhm mhm

W: But when I think of Ranboo I don't think of what a calm guy who’s neutral and stays out of everything, I don't think of Switzerland when I think of you ranboo, I think I think you're a bit more dynamic than that, why do you claim that you’re so peaceful and neutral and yet you appear in almost every conflict the server has had since I died.

R: I mean ah, that's because I’m bad at avoiding the thing that I don't like, which is, I don’t know it's it's weird. It's a weird situation that it's mostly my fault but I’ve been doing alright with it recently. I haven't been doing too much to anger people I don't think but I think it's just because I really want to help sometimes and sometimes I let my desire to help people get in the way of what I have previously said or previously claimed about myself.

W: Ranboo? Why did you come to help me?

R: Well because I think, well I need one I kind of need something to do and this is pretty fun, I like building little things and everything although they may not look too good and also I just think you can I think you are an alright person you know? So I kind of wanted to get off on a better foot from what happened before.

W: Why?

R: Just because I don't really like having the thought that people don't really like me.

W: No no not the bit about the right foot, why don’t you think I’m a bad person?

R: Well I mean I think you did bad things but you also went through things that made you that way and then I also think that you’re changed now. I mean if you ask me to talk to the older Wilbur before you died, for a little bit then yeah I would think you’re kind of not a good person.

But I think now you’ve apparently been away long enough, that I think if anyone goes away long enough for that long of a time that eventually they’ll have a thought of their morality, and everything and become a better person because of it. So, I'm hopeful. I’m hopeful. I like having a good amount of optimism.

W: Cool.. ah cool that's nice, thank you.

R: Yeah!

W: Uh, I think I needed to hear that, I’ve um, can I be real with you? Sorry Ranboo, you really got me. Fucking hell can I be real with you man?

R: Yeah sure.

W: I think I scare people.

R: I mean, yeah I do the same thing

W: No no, I mean I don't think I, I think a lot of people share your idea in trying to try… to keep me from hurting you know? They have seen what I can do and they don’t want me to do it again, so they adopt your emotion in order to do it.

Do you know I demolished his house and brutally ignored him? He fought for my country! And I ignored him. I didn't look at him. I didn't give him so much a medal, I didn't give him so much a rank, I gave him the lowest rank in the cabinet, and do you know what it took? Do you know what it took for him to forgive me? A “sorry” And I’ve, I’ve spoken to Tommy about Jack Manifold, and Jack Manifold is NOT the sort of person to forgive with a sorry.

Can you imagine if Dream said sorry to Jack Manifold? What has Dream done to Jack Manifold huh? Barely anything. I imagine if Dream said sorry to Jack Manifold, Jack Manifold would ignore him. Do you wanna know why? It’s because Dream is in prison, and I’m not. Dream! He's had his comeuppance and I’ve not! My comeuppance was apparently not good enough for these people, they are just waiting for the next thing, the next slip up and Ranboo I’m not gonna fucking slip up Ranboo. I’m different.

I’m not Dream, god I wish I was. Sometimes I wish I was. I wish I had that comeuppance. But Ranboo I’m not Dream and I’m not gonna be Dream and that's ahhh. I am living in eternal limbo again. I’ve been through limbo. I'm out of limbo and socially I’m still in limbo and man hearing you say those words that you said to me, do you remember what you said?

R: Yeah… I do?

W: You said “I think people can change” that's number one

R: Mhm

W: And number two you’re “scared if people don’t like you”

R: Yeah

W: I’ve been investing, I’ve been investing into the wrong areas Ranboo. I’ve been investing in the wrong people. Were kindred man, we get each other

R: Yeah, Yeah I’d say so.

W: We have SO much difference, but you know what the one thing we got incommon? Our strongest point? And you mustn't take offense to this, okay?

R:Okay..?

W: Neuroticism. Me and you are just as neurotic as each other. Just as nervous but the thing is it’s not our downfall you know? Anxiety isn't necessarily an evil trait to have. Anxiety is what kept our ancestors alive Ranboo.

R: Yeah

W: You? Me? Your Parents, whoever they may be, my parents, do you know how they’re alive? Because they were anxious. They didn't let another thing kill them, they didn't let another thing take them down. Our ancestors, the cavemen in the woods or the cave enderman, were anxious when they heard the lion roar; they were anxious when the wolf howled. And you know what they did? They went inside and they hid and that's what they did and that's why we are here today. Ranboo me and you are neurotic, and that's why we are alive..right now talking to each other and doing this.

R: Okay…… I really, I really do hope that's um a good thing.

W: Sorry, ha, that's uh that might have come across- I’m really sorry I meant um, I’ll go get you some more red.

R: No no I understand what you mean I think, we both are kind of thinkers I think well yeah, we tend to think about a lot of things. Think about a lot of situations and how people are affected by said situations. How we can make things better and although we may think in different ways the fact we both, I think we both think at the same level just in different ways sometimes.

W: I think you might be a bit braver than me and showing your true colors. I feel like, I feel like with you Ranboo I never have to guess your next move. I never have to guess your hand, you know?

R: Yeah

W: I feel like, I feel like life dealt us the same cards and the difference is you, you build your trust by showing people your cards whilst, I keep them close to my chest and I feel like that may be the difference. But I’m gonna stop psychoanalysing you so

R: heh

W: And let's… let's, Ranboo how’d you feel about thievery?

R: Oh uh ooh, what types? What do you-

W: I’m going to steal Las Nevadas cows to cook our burgers.

R: Oh oh okay?

W: And I’m not going to re-breed them. I am going to simply kill them.

R: Alright I mean, so you are? Are you gonna steal all of them? Or just

W: Nahh just enough so it's annoying ya know?

R: Okay um

W: Unless, how about this if this makes you feel a bit less uncomfortable about it how about if I steal all the cows unless they have a sign on them that says “these cows are property of las Nevadas” then I’ll leave them alone so unless they have an expressed sign that says “do not steal please” I’ll leave them alone. But if not… it seems like a good idea

R: Okay yeah

W: You’re really good a building vans

R: Oh thank you

W: I’m pretty good at building vans too.

R: Okay.

W: Okay I’ve got the steak.

R: Oh, nice

W: Pretty good, is that enough red for you?

R: I just need something to put the red on

W: Oh cool yeah, I can go find you some wool.

R: There could be some chests around. You know I found a full netherite block in one the other day?

W: Wait what?

R: There was just another netherite block in one of the chests, it was very interesting.

W: I’ve just restocked for us.

R: Ohh, nice I’ll put some of our building materials here. Oh wow, wait did you get, did you get all of them?

W: Yeah heh, pretty good yeah?

R: Oh geez.

….. [Talk about Minecraft mechanics]

W: So this is your cookie factory, your cookie shop, your giant fortress

R: Yeah you realize a lot now that it’s a giant fortress. Sometimes, sometimes I don’t realize things until they’re an afterthought.

W: How is Tubbo?

R: He's um, alright. I think he's doing pretty well.

W: What is he up to right now?

R: He's um he's just building around Snowchester you know? Not really doing-

W: Snowchester?

R: Oh you- don't know about snowchester? It’s basically just like this little- it used to have some people but then everyone just kind of went off on their own ways. It’s just like this little arctic area, a village he created.

W: A town?

R: Yeah basically!

W: So, Las Nevadas, Snowchester, - I thought Techno and Phil told me they were successful? Well just Phil I haven't spoken to Techno since, since, it happened.

R: Mhm Well it

W: Phil told me they were successful and there's no more nations and that there’s anarchy here.

R: Well it's not a nation it's literally just- it's literally just him.

W: What about this Kinoko Kingdom I keep reading about?

R: I have no idea. All they put down there was just signs and I havent heard anything about that honestly.

W: So there’s, there’s a lot going on Ranboo. What part do you play? Go on, You can't be THAT neutral, if you’re not a part of Kinoko Kingdom, then you must be a part of something.

R: I mean I guess you could say I’m a part of.. Snowchester a little bit? I think I’m mainly just um with Phil and Techno I’m pretty sure. It’s mainly, it's mainly just them and everything. Because that's pretty much where I’ve been living for awhile and all so.

W: And now the Paradise Burger Van.

R: And now the Burger Van I guess yeah.

W: Good, good! I’m coming back. Do you need more red or?

R: No, we got enough.

W: Then the final step is to name the burger and name the beef!

R: Name, name the beef?

W: Oh so another thing I wanted to do is to legitimize our burgers so it's not just stake right is to make a uh name for all our stakes so when they've had it you know our stake shop that they know this is our stake shop, and only the high grade beef. So we are all gonna name the burgers with an anvil and I wanted, I wanted to give them like versions and wanted to use an alt code so that no one could copy it. So it's like “hey you’ve got a volume one steak, burger steak” so people would come and it's sort of an NFT value to it. A bit of a you know, once you’ve had volume one of burgers then that's gone forever like versions, is this making sense? Are you following?

R: Yeah this is making sense, I’m following I think

W: Cool cool

R: Yeah

W: What do you think of calling the burger shop?

R: Hmm

W: I’m thinking of either Paradise or Wilburger?

R: Well Wilburger is funny

W: Wilburger is funny but it doesn't take into account the work you put in.

R: Hmm maybe paradise burgers might be good

W: What about Wilbooger?

R: Will- Wait a minute but then that means we have booger in it, and then they will make fun of it.

W: Yeah yeah, paradise burger has a meaning behind it. So like, you know paradise next to Las Nevadas. Have a think

R: Paradise…

W: Weeeeeeeeeeee, ding dong we got everything we need. Right, let me go to an anvil and think of a name. This has been good, this has been chill.

R: This has been nice

W: I feel like we are good business partners. I’m excited to show Tommy. What's your opinion on Tommy?

R: Oh he's great. Tommys awesome.

W: Agreed

R: Yeah. Definitely gone through a lot but I definitely think that has made him a good person.

W: Mmm yeah well you seem to think everyone going through something at least gives them some merit you said

R: Well I mean yeah. I mean if- if no one, the only really bad people are the ones who are just evil because, just because then they don't really have any reason why you know? Those are in my opinion the bad people.

W: Right

R: I don’t really think there’s that many bad people like that so yeah.

W: Let me find an alt code, I want to find a cool alt code for the Wilburger, let's go for a sunbeam

R: ooooh

W: This is sexy, what I've done. Here we go here we go The beef! The bread doesn't have to be named

R: yeah

W: It’s gonna be good. Here we go, here we go. Look at this!

R: Oooohhh thats cool

W: No ones copying that

R: Yeah especially the thing in the eye as well.

W: It's a watermark no one, no one can copy it now so we can sell those with one slice of bread on either side and that's our thing. That's our shtick.

R: Yeah I think thats good thats good

W: I think we are getting to the point Ranboo where we are almost done I mean I do have a question to ask you though

R: Yeah of course ask away.

W: Just gonna put the bread back. This is gonna be a make or break

R: Okay.

W: Come with me

R: Yeah

W: This really could be, could be a make or break. And what about the Wilburger Ran Van?

R: Oh thats good thats good

W: Cool cool, then we’ll have your name on as the co creator I won’t be ceo, I will be vice chairman of the wilburger ran-van corporation

R: Cool, awesome.

W: So here’s our completion ranboo you remember the signs?

R: Yeah? They are still there.

W: Yeah it's good innit? Ranboo I want you to smash the windows.

R: Smash the windows? Like how? How do you want me to do it?

W: Take this (gave ranboo a cobblestone block) hold it in your hand

R: Okay

W: Now break the window.

R: okay

W: More

R: Do more? Okay

W: A lot more

R: keep going? Oh uh oh

[Wilbur places down TNT in a corner of the competition restaurant]

R: Are you sure about that one?

W: Come here

R: Oh? Okay

W: You trust me alright?

R: Yeah?

W: Detonate that, its only in the corner to prove we are not fucking around

R: I mean it's just in the corner right and then it will, it will drop all the blocks

W: Yep

R: And then we can put it somewhere

W: We can put it in a chest next to it.

R: Okay.. ohh Careful! [Wilbur stood really close to the TNT so he took damage]

W: It’s alright

R: That was a little bit more than I thought

W: Picking up those blocks

R: Yep, I think we can just put them in the chests here I think.

W: Okay I’ll fill this in, you passed the test, good job man. You can go back to the van, I’ll be back there soon. Ranboo

R: Yeah?

W: I’m proud of you man. You, you’ve taken a side, you’ve proven you can choose a side and I’m proud of you.

R: Thank- Thank, thank you. I haven't-

W: You’ve got something to work for.

R: Yeah, yeah

W: I’ll see you around. I’m gonna head off after I fix this but you get to work on the Ranvan. See you soon.

R: Yeah I’ll get to work, see you soon, buh bye

W: see you soon man.

[Wilbur breaks one of the signs placed down from earlier then goes to the explosion site and writes a sign with the NFT symbol saying Wilbur + Ranboo Did this together and places a chest to put the exploded materials in a chest along with two diamonds]

W: ahh, I love that guy.

[dragynkeep]

Okay imagine married freezerburn with their kids. 100% Weiss is a soccer mom (soccer is the correct term you limeys,) mini van and all. And Yang totally fills out the dad energy by building decks and grilling on the barbecue and calling their kids "sport". Just love me domestic freezerburn healthy family dynamics.

okay we boutta fight because it’s football, you play with your FEET —

but also fuck my heart. weiss making sure all her kids have snacks, that their schedules are full of enough activities to keep them entertained but also that they have their own downtime?? & if they ask to change one, then they can so long as they’ve really thought it through & it’s what they want. 🥺

& yang loves just hanging around the barbecue with taiyang or ruby, her kids hanging around & begging to help flip one of the burgers. she also loves to go swimming with them or running, god imagine yang with one of the baby holsters while running around the neighbourhood sobs.

married domesticity good life for them 💕

[bumblesimagines]

The Oldest Pogue

Request: Yes or No

Heads up for most of these Outer Banks fic I'll probably do the mini intro lol they're fun. Btw timelines a lil weird. Takes place in ep 1 but have the party the day after they find the boat and all that. Idk Shoupe's first name so imma just call him Shoupe or dad. Idk what grade everyone is in but imma assume that the Pogues and Sarah (+ Topper) are sophomores/juniors since they're 16

~

"Then there's (Y/N) Shoupe, better known as Mama Pogue or (N/N). We got lucky with (Y/N) since he's the deputy's son. He's the definition of a mom friend, always taking care of us. We'd probably starve to death without his meals. Though we would never admit it, we all had crushes on him when we first met him."

(Y/N) entered the house, glancing at a passed out JJ. He chuckled, shaking his head as John B stepped out of his room.

"Morning, sweetie." (Y/N) greeted playfully, setting down groceries.

"Sorry I couldn't join you guys yesterday." (Y/N) started putting the things away and began making some lunch for the boys. John B shrugged.

"It's fine, you'll make it up to us with food." John B replied with a grin. (Y/N) chuckled, nodding.

"Where'd you go?" (Y/N) asked. John B sat at the table, glancing at JJ.

"Motel.. Found a sunken boat and a key in it so we went to the motel. Had to dodge your dad. He took money from a potential crime scene." John B told him. (Y/N) sighed.

"What do you want me to do? He already says half of our conversations are 'political'. He doesn't like that I'm hanging out with a bunch of idiots." (Y/N) said as Kiara and Pope entered.

"Ouch." Kiara grinned, glancing at JJ as he stirred. "Did you tell him about the gun and money?"

"Gun?"

"I was getting to that, Kie." John B sighed. "JJ took the gun."

"Jesus.. A gun? Underaged with an unregistered gun and no license?" (Y/N) stared at them. "Do you know how much trouble you'll get into?!"

"I tried to tell them, (N/N)." Pope said. (Y/N) pinched the bridge of his nose, putting the two plates of burgers before approaching the half asleep male.

"JJ, a gun? Really? Of all things?" (Y/N) stared at him. "Huh?" JJ looked at him, drool coming out the side of his mouth. A swift smack to the back of his head woke him up.

"Jesus, what the fuck?" JJ huffed, sitting up and rubbing the back of his head. "Come eat breakfast, JJ." John B called.

"What the hell am I gonna do with you four?" (Y/N) asked, sighing softly. JJ stood, chuckling.

"Love us." He replied, going to the table and sitting down.

"Please don't play with a gun." (Y/N) looked at him. JJ nodded, raising his hands. "Promise, Mama Pogue."

"Swear on Cheesecake?" (Y/N) cocked a brow.

"Cheesecake?" Kiara furrowed her brows.

"I swear.. I swear on Cheesecake that I won't play with the gun." JJ gave a nod. (Y/N) nodded, crossing his arms.

"Who's Cheescake?" Pope asked. "A fish we caught." JJ replied, mouth full.

"Gross." Kiara cringed, giggling.

"Eat with your mouth closed." (Y/N) called. JJ swallowed and nodded.

"Yes, mom." JJ replied, grinning. (Y/N) shook his head, running his hand through his hair.

"How's everyone after Agatha?" Pope asked.

"I mean.. People have been calling the department left and right. The power will probably be out for a while." (Y/N) shrugged.

"Bet those kooks will have power in no time." JJ mumbled, shaking his head.

"Can't believe the one day I don't hang out with you guys, JJ gets a fucking gun." (Y/N) sighed, shaking his head.

"Also! John B and Pope surfed the surge." Kiara said.

"You did what?!"

"Way to snitch on us, Kie." Pope mumbled. Kiara shrugged.

"It's called payback." Kiara replied with a chuckle.

"If it took down a boat, it probably could've taken you along with it." (Y/N) placed his hands on his hips. JJ mimicked him, earning another smack on the head.

"Come on, we're having a party at the boneyard." John B said.

(Y/N) laughed as he won the drinking competition. JJ laughed, high fiving him. Kiara noticed the JJ held onto (Y/N)'s hand for a little longer than needed.

"What would daddy say if he saw you drinking?" JJ asked, getting another cup. The two headed over to John B. (Y/N) laughed.

"What's he gonna do? Ground me? Lock me up for drinking?" (Y/N) questioned. JJ shrugged, grinning as he offered John B a cup but noticed Sarah Cameron and offered it to her instead.

"Sarah, can I interest you in a tasty Milawaukee beverage?" JJ asked. (Y/N) shot him a look, glancing at Topper.

"No, thanks." Sarah smiled, shaking her head.

"Come on. Is it not fancy enough for you?" JJ asked.

"No, we were just leaving-"

"You know what? I'll take it." Topper cut in. (Y/N) and John B shared a look.

"Let it go, JJ-"

"No, no, I'll have it." Topper cut (Y/N) off.

"That's nice, Topper but I didn't ask you. Now, if you said pretty please, maybe, but you didn't. So, Sarah-" Topper knocked the drink out of JJ's hands which in turn made JJ grab him by the shirt.

"JJ!" (Y/N) grabbed him as John B and Pope came in, pushing him away as well.

"Dirty Pogues!" Topper shouted. (Y/N) looked at John B.

"John B, don't you dare-" John B turned around, shoving Topper back. Sarah tried to cut in but Topper punched John B. The fight caught the attention of everyone else. Topper kicked John B while he was on the ground.

"Hey, John B, don't make me down you like your old man, alright?" Topper said.

"This dumb fucking blonde." (Y/N) whispered, pinching the bridge of his nose. A fight quickly broke out, the two fighting in the waves and sand as the crowd chanted. (Y/N) watched them, trying to get them to stop.

"Topper, stop!" Sarah shouted, trying to stop her boyfriend from drowning John B. (Y/N) quickly stepped in, grabbing him by the back of his shirt and pulling him back, punching him. John B coughed behind him, head spinning.

"You wanna go, Shoupe?" Topper asked. (Y/N) went to respond but a gun was pressed to the side of Topper's head, the safety clicking.

"JJ-"

"Your move, broski." JJ stared at Topper. Most of the teens on the beach ran while Sarah and the other Pogues tried to get JJ to put the gun away.

"We're good! We're good!" Topper repeated.

"(N/N), Kie, check your psycho friend!" Sarah watched, panicked and worried for her boyfriends life.

"Okay, everyone, listen up! Get the hell off our side of the island!" JJ shouted, shooting two rounds into the air. Pope and Kiara shouted at JJ while (Y/N) quickly rushed to John B's side as he collapsed.

"My dad's gonna kill me." (Y/N) whispered, dragging John B out of the water.

"Help me!" (Y/N) called, getting the others attention. JJ and Pope rushed over, helping (Y/N) carry John B to the van.

"Is he okay?" Kiara asked as she drove.

"Yeah, he's breathing." (Y/N) replied, staring down at the male. John B coughed but didn't open his eyes.

"He might have a killer headache tomorrow but other than that, he should be fine." (Y/N) said.

"I can't believe you were so stupid! Taking the gun out on a kook?!" Pope stared at JJ. The two got into an argument, Kiara jumping in as well.

"Enough! JJ did it to help stop Topper from hurting me and John B. Yes, he could've done it another way and handled it better but at the end of the day, he was trying to help." (Y/N) looked at them.

"You always take his side." Pope mumbled.

"It's cause he loves me." JJ grinned.

"You're my least favourite child." (Y/N) mumbled. JJ chuckled. "Admit it. I'm your favourite." JJ cooed. (Y/N) flipped him off. They got to John B's place, getting him in bed. (Y/N) got on his dirt bike and rode off, heading home.

"Can't wait to hear this lecture." (Y/N) mumbled, parking his bike and heading inside. He entered the kitchen, starting up dinner. (Y/N) made his dad's favourite, hoping it would please him. (Y/N) heard the door open and clothes, his dad entering in uniform.

"Hey, dad." (Y/N) greeted, placing the plates of food down. He sat, shooting his dad a smile.

"Got a call not long ago. Some kid had a gun." Shoupe said, sitting down. (Y/N) hummed.

"Did you find out who it was?" (Y/N) asked. Shoupe shook his head.

"No.. But from eyewitnesses, there was a fight and I heard you were involved." Shoupe said.

"Dad, you know I'm not the violent type." (Y/N) continued to eat. "But I did punch Topper for trying to drown John B." (Y/N) said quickly.

"Thank you for being honest." Shoupe said, sighing deeply. He put his fork down and looked at his son.

"(Y/N).. I don't want these kids to ruin the possibility of you going to culinary school." Shoupe said. (Y/N) sighed, looking away. "And they will if you keep running with them."

"Dad, I'm gonna be a senior next year. I have my whole life ahead. I could enter culinary school whenever I want or feel like it." (Y/N) said. Shoupe sighed and nodded.

"I know.. I just don't want you getting stuck here. I want you to have an early start." Shoupe said. "I'll be accepting of you.. No matter what." Shoupe assured.

"Thanks, dad. Anything new today?" (Y/N) asked. He thought back onto what John B told him.

"Nope." Shoupe shook his head. (Y/N) hummed, nodding. He stood, washing the plates and heading off to bed. He hoped the following days would be better.

[sinkix]

- What your fav Haikyuu!! Character says about you│Karasuno edition -

Obviously these aren’t meant to be taken too seriously lol. I’ll probably make this into a series at some point where I include the other teams idk this took me way too long to do JWIDJQENWKJQFN WE’LL SEE. ENJOY! <3

2D men are infinitely superior I said what I said.

Hinata: 

A sucker for motivational speeches or quotes and they always get you hyped up.

Very ambitious and positive despite frequently getting lost in life

Not as innocent as you seem but still a cinnamon roll lololol

You probably eat fruit as a regular snack n ppl judge you for it

Highkey a dumbass but in a very endearing way so people can’t help but like you

Summer is probs ur fave season

Definitely own several plushies and definitely get defensive about it

The friend people go to when they need cheering up.

You either go to bed at 8pm or 3am no in between.

Your texting style consists of several messages as opposed to one paragraph/sentence with the use of MANY emojis.

You 100% fuck with pineapple on pizza. 

Got your head stuck in a cat flap that one time.

Have a hella low alcohol tolerance or don’t drink at all.

Hella clueless when it comes to people flirting with you, they have to hold a neon sign in front of you for you to get the message

“Oh you were flirting with me?” “I was every day for 5 months but thanks for finally noticing”

Definition of a tab hoarder, your pc/laptop frequently crashes because it can’t handle that many but you refuse to get rid of any.

Always get toothpaste stains on your shirt no matter how careful you are.

“Wait we had homework???”

Nishinoya:

You often get random bursts of energy outta nowhere or at 2am and have no clue how to handle it 

You can’t help but head bang and scream the lyrics to your fav songs.

Probably have a hella diverse music taste.

Likely an active/outdoorsy person who either does sports or wants to.

Vvv loyal, type of friend you can call in the middle of the night and you’ll be there.

Chaotic good or Chaotic neutral.

You’re either one of the most responsible people in the room or one of the most fuckin chaotic and irresponsible lmao no in between it just depends on your mood.

Frequently pull all nighter’s and doesn’t even feel guilty about it

Chug soda like it’s water.

An extrovert or one of those introverts that are bat-shit once you actually get to know them.

You have zero shame, can and will run across the street stark naked for a cheeseburger and a can of sprite.

Like fuck yeah who wouldn’t for a burger and some sprite y’know??

Despite being a whirlwind you are actually a hella chill person to have as company.

You own a skateboard or want to.

Own at least one pair of converses or vans.

Probably have a bucket list or tons of future plans for travelling/adventures stored in your head.

You really want a dog and would call it something like Dexter or Human Destroyer 9000.

Likely have had several hair colour phases.

A slut for doritos.

You ate glue once as a kid and it was kinda okay and that fact still haunts you.

Tanaka:

Listen to rap more than any other genre and ur playlist is fire

Punched dry wall that one time

Probably have several piercings and plan on getting more

Prefer sports bras to regular ones.

Intimidates outsiders but your friends don’t take you seriously in the slightest lmaoaoaooa

Ppl find it hard to approach you but you’re actually super chill so you get sad 

Definition of that Kanye meme “before you talk to me” >:( “after you talk to me” :)

Probably don’t trust people easily

Type of person that once you’re challenged/dared to do something they WILL do it regardless of how stupid bc you hate being called a pussy.

Went through a phase where you only listened to Eminem.

Probably is/was the class clown or wished they were.

You have virtually no patience and a pretty short temper lmao.

You’re a go-getter and hate being told you can’t do something

Definitely snuck out the house several times as a teen.

Walks barefoot outside a lot bc fuck shoes lol

The pairs of shoes you do own are mostly worn down sneakers you refuse to swap out.

You’re that asshole that wears socks with holes in for the sport of it and it doesn’t phase you in the slightest. (dw I do too lmaooao)

Could probably bench press someone’s dad

Enjoy’s drinking coffee.

Kageyama:

Such a picky eater bitch god damn.

Usually hella hydrated and judge people that don’t drink enough water.

Eats spoonfuls of chocolate nesquik powder when no one is looking I said what I said

You like stoic and Tsundere guys who have the outer emotional capacity of a brick wall.

You’re probably the same in that sense and don’t enjoy letting people know what you’re thinking/feeling

Poker face 90% of the time

Type of person to pretend not to find a joke funny but then crumble and start crying with laughter.

Probs an introvert

Once when someone asked you what you wanted for Christmas you responded “to be left the fuck alone” and it still applies to this day.

like fr you just wanna be left alone man but ppl keep bothering you.

You HATE it when people tell you to smile and quite literally take it as an insult.

Your bedtime is 9pm and you stick by it religiously 

Always smell really good like damn what you got on??

The most you do with your hair if it’s long enough is throw it in a pony tail and call it a day.

Either have really nicely manicured nails or you’v chewed them down to the nub no in between.

You hate to admit it but you doubt yourself a lot and it really frustrates you.

Probably wet the bed a lot as a kid and you’re still salty about it.

lololol bed-wetter Kags lover

Audibly snorted typing that I’m sorry.

Probably had a ._. face reading that since ur usually hella unamused.

Cute awkward dork though behind that facade it’s just most people don’t see it.

So critical of yourself like chill

An earth sign or an Aquarius idc.

Do not know how to reciprocate a hug but desperately need one

When people flirt with you you somehow manage to make them intimidated with your responses and scare them off.

You called your teacher “mum/dad” once and you get Vietnam flashbacks to this day.

Daichi:

You probably have a daddy kink and lowkey daddy issues with it

Very supportive friend who has a lotta patience

Hella determined and humble.

Mostly wear black because it’s just much easier than colour coordinating and plus you just prefer the simplicity, but you’re pretty vibrant as a person.

The one who stays sober at parties to drive the others home.

Probably haven’t been in many relationships but still do enjoy romance.

seems stern but is actually very friendly and enjoy company bc you don’t like spending too much time by yourself.

Honestly just wants to chill out, go to bed and read a book.

A coffee connessieur but mostly just drinks instant bc ur too lazy to make it properly and just drink it black.

Very reliable.

Often get stuck with most of the work during group projects lololol

People frequently ask you for the answers to the homework/assignment and it really depends on your mood and how charitable you’re feeling as to whether you’ll lend it to them

Low-key a sadist.

100% Old soul

Despite this you are a fuckin dork and have quite an immature but really funny sense of humour.

You have a thigh kink. 

Def grew up reading wattpad smut and most of ur sexual knowledge stems from that

probably prefer manga to animated versions

Absolute pro at winged eyeliner and looks v good in it.

Probably give lectures even without realising it.

Shamelessly watches the nature channel for hours on end and what of it.

Honestly just done with everyone’s shit lmao

Sugawara:

Either are the mom friend or the one the mom friend has to look after.

You vibe with pastel colours

Your fav season is either spring or autumn.

oversized hoodies and knitted sweaters are your vibe.

Enjoy drinking herbal tea

Likes the smell of rain and will purposely step outside after a storm and S N O R T the smell of damp concrete. (srry if ur from some dry ass place like nevada lmao it rains alot in the UK soooOOOoO)

Quiet but have a really creative imagination and has one HELL of a loud voice when they’re pissed off

like,, I wouldn’t dare get on ur nerves ion want my ear drums bursting damn.

Hoards flavoured chapsticks and scented lip gloss

Either did or still have your Harry Potter house in your bio and it was probably Hufflepuff.

Gives people advice that they are fully aware also applies to themselves but doesn’t follow it LMAO.

Listens to K-pop and several Korean and Japanese genres.

Played a dating sim once and you enjoyed it but ur still ashamed and refuse to ever talk about it.

Smells like lavender or something hella floral

Probably reads a lot of Yaoi and no one else knows but you.

Would 100% own a chinchilla

Read Killing Stalking and it messed you up for weeks.

Asahi:

The one who was trying to flirt for months and the other person never got the hint

Probably a really pretty crier and vibe with the mascara running aesthetic.

You tear up easily lol.

Probably a water sign.

Low-key a bad bitch though 

Looks really good in red lipstick

That one person who’s v attractive but completely unaware and v insecure.

That one friend who seems so soft and innocent but can turn into a banshee when need be.

Crying is your therapy.

You overthink a LOT and it often stops you from achieving what you want.

Actually have a lot of willpower despite ur sensitivity.

Was def a pushover as a kid and still have a chip on your shoulder about it.

Hella artsy and day dreams a lot.

You attract broken souls and often get turned to when people’s problems need fixing yet you’re a total mess yourself

Listens to Girl in red while questioning your sexuality

which you do a lot.

You hate being put in a box or labelled.

Gave up on that hobby that one time and you really wanna get back into it.

Always have at least one hair tie on your wrist that’s basically an accessory at this point.

Own a phat ass fish tank with hella pretty fishes bro it’s such a vibe say hi to Nemo for me.

Yamaguchi:

Too scared to ask for extra ketchup packets so you get your friend to ask instead.

Probably have anxiety.

The time you stuttered once when introducing yourself frequently gives you cringe attacks.

Major animal lover and prefers them to people.

Talked to a tree once and it was a pretty cool experience.

Wear a lot of pink or cute colours and radiate babi energy.

Likely wear skirts 

Wear those aesthetic planets necklaces and your tumblr is filled with space related art and themes.

Enjoy staring up at the clouds and figuring out what animal they are.

Has a lot of secrets that they probably tell to their cat.

dw ur cat isn’t a snitch they got you covered.

“meow”

yeah they definitely didn’t just try to reveal ur deepest traumas to your cousin.

If you don’t have a cat you probably would want one and would call it Mittens or sumn.

You’re whipped for freckles and anyone that has them instantly becomes 1000x more attractive to you

Either like 5′2″ or 5′10″ no middle ground

Definitely own a turtle or rabbit and if you don’t then you should.

Forgets your assignments but the professor lets you off because you’re so nervous they can’t scold you.

Oversleeps at least 2 times a week

Will not get up before 1pm on a weekend

Wall flower at parties but people still approach you bc you are so friendly and kind.

Social anxiety intensifies.

Always get’s called on in class when you haven’t been paying attention and it really troubles you.

Has a minimum of 3 blankets on your bed that you cocoon yourself in.

Tsukishima:

Your attracted to snarky assholes.

Sarcasm and insults are your form of flirtation and you get immediately turned off if they can’t take it or get upset.

Probably shy away from your feelings

Random flashbacks to embarrassing events frequently keep you up at night

Judge peoples fashion choices as they walk past you but actually have a really good eye for what works and what doesn’t.

You look like you have your shit together and you kinda do for the most part.

The quiet kid in class that’s listening to some loud ass screamo or rock n roll’ but ppl have no idea.

Definition of the glinting anime glasses pushed up your nose bridge cliche.

When you make a mistake you question all your knowledge and abilities but no one else knows that about you

Refuses to cry since you view your emotions as a personal weakness

If someone hugged you you’d get VERY uncomfortable.

Physical contact is not your forte

Probably a 5′0″ demon.

Would peg a man to assert dominance but you’re actually a lil bitch.

Knows the answer to the question they can’t solve.

Doesn’t study as much as they should but somehow still gets good grades.

Really likes french fries and the taste of strawberries.

Just wants to be left alone

Ennoshita:

The one friend that gets talked over and it really pisses you off but you’re too nice to say anything.

Seems really passive but can actually be hella confrontational when they wanna be

No tolerance for peoples bullshit 

Really stable and just an overall reliable person.

People often forget you’re in the room lmao but it’s okay you’d rather listen anyway.

Actually has a really interesting mind and a lot to say but mostly keep it to yourself unless they’re your friend

Answered for someone else in attendance a few years ago and it still bothers you.

People often come to you to vent and you’re chill with it

Don’t stand out much but honestly it doesn’t bother you

Can and will get through an entire book/series in a matter of 3 days.

Quite a minimalist and organised for the most part

You look like you have your shit together and you def do.

Have a controversial taste in pizza.

You have more acquaintances than friends but the ones you do are a v tight knit circle.

Will re take a quiz several times till you get the character you wanted

Radiate Virgo and Libra energy.

Kiyoko:

Type of person to say “step on me” as a way of complimenting and you mean it literally.

Both a sadist and masochist

When someone tells you their not interested it just makes you want them 100x more and it frustrates you why are you like this.

Doesn’t compliment often but when you do it’s really heartfelt.

Looks like your silently judging people but in reality you really couldn’t care.

Just kidding you low-key judge them anyway.

Very picky when it comes to partners.

Independent but has random hella clingy moments.

Despite being quiet, you are capable of roasting a bitch alive if they test your patience.

Like I would NOT wanna get on your bad side

You could deadass send them to therapy, their emotions fenna need some aloe vera for that burn.

Just really calm and relaxed tbh so people enjoy being in your company even though you don’t talk much.

When you do though it’s usually something really interesting or funny.

You just don’t see the point in talking if what your saying doesn’t hold any value??

You hate small talk and would rather slingshot yourself off a skyscraper than partake in it.

Your face is easy to read and you make no effort to hide it.

If your in a bad mood they WILL know.

Look like your plotting someones demise or questioning life’s theories but in reality you’re really just thinking bout what you want for dinner.

Honestly just a sweetheart tbh.

Low-key have a staring problem.

Has really neat and cursive handwriting like who tf taught you that.

Yachi:

Frequently says something then panics that it could be misinterpreted 

You overthink literally everything you have ever said and the actions you haven’t even committed yet

Really likes the taste of sherbet 

Could cut a bitch if they needed to

You spend most of your money at Urban Outfitters and don’t regret it.

have an assortment of colouring pencils that ppl always try and borrow and never give them back.

You highlight the shit outta your papers and never read them again.

Really like the smell of peaches

Probably have a v interesting earring collection.

Hoard water bottles in your room and you feel majorly guilty about it.

The taste of honey disgusts you but you eat it anyway for some reason.

Somehow managed to burn rice and solidify soup.

You shouldn’t be trusted in the kitchen but you try your best regardless.

I feel like that applies to most things in your life

Like yeah you fucked it up but like you’re trying your best lol cmon

V tolerant of people but have zero time for fuckboys and shut them down instantly.

You frequently get the shakes from caffeine or anxiety

Or both.

You give really encouraging hugs.

Have no clue what you wanna do in life but it’s ok bby it’ll work out.

Takeda:

You’re a very underappreciated and underrated person and I love u

Probably an English/languages major

Really kind and outgoing but high-key mysterious

Actually has a phat fucking temper like damn where did that come from.

Won’t take no for an answer when you want to achieve something.

That one person people don’t realise is there listening to your conversations but you definitely are and now know Becky’s deepest darkest secret.

Fuck you, becky.

Wore contacts once and forgot to take them out for 3 days.

You wondered why your eyes were so itchy.

Your music taste does not match your appearance.

Probably watch a lot of crime shows and imagine you’re an investigator

Aced physics and chemistry.

More than likely an introvert with extrovert tendencies when you feel like it.

Actually quite temperamental but it’s okay since you’re a v genuine person.

Often debate getting a sugar daddy bc that income looking real tempting rn.

Honest to a fault at times but it’s something people come to appreciate about you.

Just really wanna sleep for 15 hours and sit in front of your laptop with some hot coco.

Ukai:

You like older men

The smell of tobacco and coffee low-key comforts you for some reason.

Peed in a bottle that one time while on a road trip and forgot to throw it out until you found it a week later.

You’re a slut for dyed hair and dudes with piercings.

You once got drunk and passed out on a spinning round-a-bout in a park and your friend still has pictures that you refuse to acknowledge.

Bi-curious and just radiate big Bi energy

Would experiment but you’re too hesitant.

Hates the taste of beer but drinks it anyway.

Just wants to be loved man I stg is that too much to ask.

Often wonder if your friends actually like you then realise you don’t really care anyway lmao.

You still love them though.

Tired of working over time and just wanna catch a break.

Amazon Prime is your best friend.

Random ass parcels comin thru’ each day and it feels like Christmas.

A very lonely and one-man party Christmas.

Stop spending your fucking paycheck.

Have a pretty dark/cynical but really funny sense of humour and you often make people laugh.

Have a big ass temper and people KNOW it.

Often fantasised about dropping out and becoming a stripper bc your patience was being TESTED.

Really likes money but who doesn’t tbh.

You radiate Chaotic Evil but keep it under wraps.

[mixkeymilkovich]

tagged by @10x12 to do this get to know me, shamey style, meme thingy! hell yeah, ty kam <3

When did you start watching Shameless?  very, very recently compared to others but i started (and finished) watching shameless this past april (2021. i finished literally a week after the series finale) i actually have a screenshot of the moment i decided to ruin (affectionate) my life by starting shamey

How did you start getting involved in the Gallavich fandom? idk, i blacked out and when i woke up suddenly i had a shameless sideblog and had followed like 20 new blogs and now, here i am! (idk? i think i just went through the gallavich and mickey tag and everytime i saw a post/read a take that made me go “hell yeah” i would follow op)

Favorite Shameless character? (Other than Ian & Mickey of course) lip!! phillip my beloved!!! second only to mickey as my poor little meow meow… my bestie who watched shameless since the beginning (the person i was texting in the screenshot) actually had lip as her homescreen in like 2013 and i would tease her about it like “who is this weirdo are you for real?” but. oh how the turn tables….

What plotline from the show irked you the most? oof…. the most?? i mean. gay jesus bc. yk. but also maybe the whole throuple plotline.. idk i just. Did Not Care For It.

Favorite line from the show? i have two, the first is so like, cliche but “what you and i have makes me free” genuinely drives me and my little gay heart insane. i could literally write an essay on it but i’ve already talked to much so i will not but. god!!! fuck!!!!!!!!!

Fanfic(s) you can’t stop thinking about. cooperative gameplay my beloved!!!!! i don’t think i’ve ever loved a fic this much, like i literally think about cg mickey and ian almost as much as i do the actual characters.

some others- boy in the box, teenage dirtbag, the southside forever series and like real people do all have special places in my heart <3

The best concert(s) you’ve been to: ooo my first fob concert bc it was their first tour after coming off hiatus, my third time seeing bad suns in 2017 in this teeny tiny venue was amazing bc every fan in there was screaming along and the band was ON and i think abt it often. julia michael was also amazing and surprisingly cathartic

Comfort Movie Franchise: uh, idk about a franchise but clueless, it (2017) & coraline are what i would consider my comfort movies.

Piercings/Tattoos: i’ve got two tatts, (a triangle on one forearm, and a fob piece on the other) and i’ve got 7 piercings!

Most Rewatched TV Show: bob’s burgers. excluding this current season, i have seen every episode of bobs burgers at least three times. not even kidding.

Pet Peeves: i work in a very busy mall and people who walk like they are the only ones walking & groups who feel the need to spread out in a horizontal line literally make me wanna commit a felony.

Random fact about yourself: i own 22 pairs of vans. (the shoes.)

gonna tag @phillipgallagher @gallavichsbitch @mrsinistertype @milkimick @parmesan-event @emmyrussum and anyone else who wants to! (sorry if you’ve already been tagged; i can’t keep track 😣)

[filipinoizukuu]

It's cause the combination of dekus baby face and funny clothing make him look like a 3rd grade kid ready to go on a school field trip 😭

no ok wait this is so funny bc it reminds me of like. this thing i once did.

OK TO PREFACE EVERYTHING. i know how to do fashion. i SWEAR i do. i have like. good hot clothes that will guarantee me the no. 1 spot as the hottest person in the supermarket

BUT

i do like dressing. horribly. just on occassion. only sometimes. because i think its both cute and hilarious

and there was this time where i was wearing. this goddawful get up of like. weird swishy purple skirt and a long sleeved purple tee that had fucking club penguin emblazoned on its front. i wore purple vans and had this ugly jacket on that was also bright purple and fuzzy in the bad way and went to the mall with my long suffering family

and like. you see, we decided to eat at this diner place. a very nice diner place with really good food that was probably FULL of cholesterol and was kinda expensive and had like weirdly sticky floors and patrons that were watching like football or something idk

the waitress comes by and starts pickin up our orders and we go down the line w burgers and calamari and whatever. you get the point. and as the lady is leaving, I'm like 'aw fuck ma im craving something sweet can we please have a brownie?' except not in so many words because no one curses at their asian moms and also no one speaks like that in real life--so i essentially just tug my moms sleeve like a dying victorian child and point at the brownie on their greasy menus.

my mom goes oh ok and asks the waitress to add a brownie to the bill and to not serve it til later because i have as good of an impulse control as a horny rabbit. the waitress hums, looks up, sees me doodling on the paper placemats in my full on fucking hideous club penguin purple regalia and pauses.

"... if youre interested, we have a kids discount."

and like okay. by the eyes of the law and also my very energetic grandma, i am what you could describe as a child.

but see. the discount they were offering. right. funny thing was that it. was for kids below 9 years old.

im sitting there, 15 and literally in highschool, working on research essays and joining the debate team, contemplating the fact that i was offered a discount because of my fucking club penguin tee. i say nothing, my brother holds me back, and my mom nods and says sure!! we'd love that!! so the waitress lady smiles and does nothing to verify my actual age because i just really actually do have a baby face and also im real fucking short.

she finishes taking our orders and the waitress does her whole spiel. but then, in a spur of hunger-powered brilliance, my family decides to really REALLY nail it in. from her huge handbag reserved for tired soccer moms, my mother hands me her phone and tells me with the straightest fucking expression:

"since we're going to wait a bit for our food, why dont you go play candy crush for a bit, codi?"

and with those very words my soul ascends and i take the phone and then swear an oath on every higher power that exists to never fucking enter that diner ever again--the end.

moral of the story: if you arent equipped enough to dress well and use pretty privilege, then dressing like a fucking toddler and holding your moms shock proof otter case android will get you discounts too

[dead-fandom-society]

Rating US Presidents Based on Whether I’d Fuck Them

Disclaimer: this is not a serious post. I am fully aware that most of these men were terrible people. this list does not focus on policy.

1. George Washington

He was an army general so he probably had a nice body, but he also had slave teeth in his mouth which is a massive turn off. Not to mention this was the 1700s and people weren’t very clean. Maybe if he took a shower and got new teeth 5/10

2. John Adams

Weird hairstyle. Bald on top but too much on the sides so he just looks insane. Chubby. Literally made criticizing the government a crime. I hate him. 1/10 if I was given a lot of money

3. Thomas Jefferson

terf bangs and terrible sense of style. In his portrait he looks like he’d call me a slur and then laugh about it. Giving him 1 point for being tall, 1 point for being rich, and 1 point for writing the Declaration of Independence 3/10

4. James Madison

Small and sickly. Always ill and had epileptic seizures. Had a piss kink, -3 points for nastiness. Kind of looks like a sheep. However, I get the feeling he was cleaner than most of the other founding fathers which shoots him up to 3/10 with an extra pity point since he’s basically a freaky make-a-wish kid

5. James Monroe

Weird chin. Looks kinda stuck up but otherwise not terribly unnattractive. 4/10

6. John Quincy Adams

Quincy is a stupid name. Related to John Adams but somehow was more decent. Kind of a disappointment, so who’s to say that doesn’t extend to sex? Kind of handsome when he was young 3/10

7. Andrew Jackson

This motherfucker. This motherfucker was horribly racist and was the first president to garner a cult-mentality. He was also from Tennessee. Dweeby looking. However, he does get points for probably having a nice body considering his military service and being very pretty 6/10

8. Martin Van Buren

Looks like Old Deuteronomy’s human-sona. However, he does have a very handsome looking face under all of that beard. 3/10 if he shaved and was a little younger

9. William Henry Harrison

Not bad looking. Big nose. Also kinda old. 5/10 if he was younger

10. John Tyler

Looks like he’s deficient in every nutrient. 3/10 if he had a protein shake and a big burger.

11. James K. Polk

This man has a VERY pretty face. However, he’s got a very weird hairline. His support for slavery is also a turnoff. 6/10 if he got a better haircut and wasn’t racist

12. Zachary Taylor

Handsome. Died from exhaustion and eating too many cherries, which is a total mood. 6/10

13. Millard Fillmore

His name reminds me of a duck. I’m pretty sure I would beat him up if he went to my school. Looks like a dweeb. 2/10

14. Franklin Pierce

Look at this handsome man. That pensive stare and beautifully sculpted jawline. He is probably the first one on this list that is genuinely fuckable by choice. Deducted a point because of course he’s racist. smh why can’t we have nice things 9/10

15. James Buchanan

He looks so sad in every single portrait painted of him, I kind of feel bad :(. Not terrible looking. 4/10

16. Abraham Lincoln

Ok. He was tall and fit. His assassination location also implies that he liked the theater. Overall very handsome man. REALLY nice facial structure. This is self explanatory. 8/10.

17. Andrew Johnson

Gives me kind of bulldog-ish vibes. Otherwise, not bad looking. 3/10 I really have nothing else to say he’s kinda bland

18. Ulysses S. Grant

Ulysses is a cool as fuck name. He fought on the side of the union in the civil war too, which is very, very sexy of him. Usually I’m not one to like facial hair, but this guy rocks it. 8/10

19. Rutherford B. Hayes

Like his predecessor, Rutherford is also a really fucking sick name. His abolitionism is very sexy of him. 6/10 if he shaved his stanky looking beard differently

20. James A. Garfield

Again with the stanky ass beards. Shave it and you’ll be a 5/10

21. Chester A. Arthur

Chester is a stupid name. Can you imagine fucking a guy named Chester?? Can you imagine moaning the name Chester? I cannot. He also had a fucking unibrow and one of those beards that make old guys look like cats. 2/10

22. Grover Cleveland

He reminds me of the British walrus from Ice Age. 1/10 very rotund

23. Benjamin Harrison

Would be very handsome if he shaved and worked out just a little. 4/10 he has a lot of potential

24. Grover Cleveland

This bitch again. See 22.

25. William McKinley

You could make a Minecraft skin out of this guy and you wouldn’t even have to change anything about him. Very square head, nice side profile. Kinda chubby. Has potential. 2/10

26. Theodore Roosevelt

I don’t agree with a lot of the things he did, but this man was a badass motherfucker. I don’t even care that he looks like a chubby mustachioed nerd, he’s cool as hell. 6/10

27. William Howard Taft

Meet the globglologlab. Was so large that he got stuck in the White House bathtub and it deadass had to be replaced. He’d probably crush me into a bone and organ smoothie. Also from Ohio. 1/10

28. Woodrow Wilson

Woodrow is a stupid name, but otherwise he’s ok. Kind of a twink. Also kinda dig the nerdy look, really cute. 7/10

29. Warren G. Harding

This man needs to show me his brow routine, because I wish mine were as thick as his. Handsome looking face. 5/10 if he was younger

30. Calvin Coolidge

He looks like he’d call me a slur and then lecture me about Bitcoin or some shit. Nice facial structure, lack of eyebrows is off putting. 5/10

31. Herbert Hoover

He wasn’t bad looking when he was young. Kinda chubby. 4/10

32. Franklin D. Roosevelt

He looks very kind. I’d hang out with him. If he was younger, 7/10

33. Harry S. Truman

Okay, I’ll admit upon first glance at the round glasses I was about to unload with rat-related insults. However, he looks very polite and actually has potential to be fuckable and has a nice facial structure. 6/10

34. Dwight D. Eisenhower

He reminds me of a frog. Why is his mouth so large. 4/10 because I like frogs

35. John F. Kennedy

John fucking Fitzgerald Kennedy. The president that had hordes of screaming fangirls that I can assure you I would have been a part of. I can go on and on about him. This man was THE sexiest president, hands down. Look at his hair. Look at his face and his physique. His POSTURE. The amount of charisma he had despite sickness. The fact that he actually knew what the fuck he was saying when he spoke and he did it with CONFIDENCE. The fact that he served in the navy in wwii and you KNOW 1940s navy boys are PRETTY. He went to prep school and Harvard AND he was from New England AND he died tragically the man was essentially a dark academia dream boy. Not to mention that SMILE. I can listen to his accent for hours. He is gorgeous. He is beautiful. Hnngggd he’s so fuckking sexy 20/10 I would peg him so goddamn hard

36. Lyndon B. Johnson

In terms of sexiness, Kennedy’s vice is a massive step down. 3/10

37. Richard Nixon

He has an okay face I guess. 4/10

38. Gerald Ford

Again, has a nice face. He was very attractive in younger pictures. 7/10

39. Jimmy Carter

Pretty good president, overall a really good dude. Handsome face. 8/10 if he was younger because he’s like 90 now and that’s a little weird

40. Ronald Reagan

Made republicans into nasty little creatures. I hate him. However, he isn’t terribly ugly in his presidential picture. He gives me weirdly attractive 60yo. sugar daddy with a boat vibes I don’t fucking know 6/10

41. George H.W. Bush

Looks very polite, was handsome in younger portraits. Army vet. 6/10

42. Bill Clinton

Looks like a genderbent Karen. Has an oddly punchable face. He also gets points off for being from Arkansas and cheating on his wife 5/10

43. George W. Bush

Looks like his father, handsome. Don’t really know how I feel about him otherwise, 6/10

44. Barack Obama

Obama is one of the three on this list that I would definitely be down for. He’s tall, fit, respectable, and overall conventionally attractive. 9/10

45. Donald J. Trump

I’m pretty sure that Donald Trump is the most unfuckable “human” being that has ever disgraced our miserable little world. I can’t imagine so much as touching him with a 100 foot pole if it meant curing me of death. For someone who was wealthy for all of his life, you’d think he’d have better taste when it comes to clothing, hair, and the stolen animatronic faces that he chooses to wear. Thinking of him naked in bed makes my already concave genitals cave in further. Wretched, dirty little man deserving of no respect. He’s never pleased any of his wives, and he’s never even pleased the prostitutes he’s hired and taken advantage of because no person would have sex with him without incentive (and even with the promise of great sums of money he would still make me want to regurgitate my innards and bleach them). He is the personification of celibacy. I hate him. It’s difficult to express concisely the amount of vehement disdain I hold for him. I’m not even religious and he makes me want to become a nun. -20/10.

46. Joseph R. Biden

Have you seen pictures of this man when he was young? Goddamn. I’d let him absolutely rail me if he wasn’t currently 80. 9/10

[gummygowon]

wake up loser | jeon jungkook

word count: 1.6k

genre: fluff

best friends to lovers!

warnings: none

a/n: i wrote this oneshot a long time ago and i didn’t really know much about jungkook’s personality and i wrote this for my friend so please don’t burn me if this jungkook actually doesn’t match up with the real jk’s personality. 

clink! clink! clink!

the annoying sound wouldn't stop no matter how hard you shoved the pillows into your ears. at first you thought it was something in your dream that was making that sound but as you slowly began to wake up the clinking never came to a stop.

you mumbled a curse under your breath as you got up to look out your window. usually if you heard a weird sound coming from outside your room you would be shitting yourself but you were too tired and angry to be scared. whatever demon that was outside was about to get their ass kicked back to hell.

you pushed your window curtains to the side a little too roughly and rubbed the fatigue away from your eyes. "jungkook?"

you immediately flung your window open. he was standing on your driveway with a handful of pebbles in his palm. it was a miracle he didn't shatter your window.

"oh my god finally." your best friend rolled his eyes. "you're such a pain in the ass to wake up."

"jungkook, what the fuck do you want." you grumbled. you tried your best to not wake up the whole goddamn neighborhood since it was who knows how late it was in the night or fuck, how early it was in the morning.

"just come down. i wanna show you something."

it was summer now which meant that you were back at your parents for the time being. you missed your family greatly but now you just wanna escape back into your dorm. your mom's usual nagging was getting to you and you needed a break even if it was just for a day.

but being back at your parent's house meant that you would see your childhood best friend, jeon jungkook.

you guys would do everything with each other when you were younger. hanging out at the community pool or even playing tag with the other neighborhood kids. oh how you wished to be a child again.

but, now you were an adult going to college and partying and doing other adult stuff. you kept in touch with jungkook but not as often as you wanted. the both of you guys were incredibly busy with school and work so a long phone call every weekend would have to do until now.

if jungkook had waited like four more hours you would sprung out of your bed so fast to hang out with him. but you were rudely awakened from your slumber and sleep was hard to come across in college so you had to take advantage now.

"why? it's literally so early." you whined.

"my mom made strawberry milk yesterday and i have some left over." he bribed.

"oh, say less." any anger or fatigue left your body as soon as he mentioned strawberry milk. jungkook's mom made the world's best strawberry milk and it was a shame that not everyone could try her delicious beverage.

you quickly got ready and grabbed a hoodie from your pile of clothes that were sitting on a chair. you didn't even dare to change out of your pajamas. the warmth that it provided was too good to be substituted for a wack ass pair of cold jeans.

you slipped out our window as if it wasn't your first time sneaking out. you were an adult now, your parents shouldn't really care about why you weren't home in the morning.

when you jumped down from your window, you swatted the tiny dust particles off yourself before turning to jungkook. "well, where we going captain?"

"this way, m'lady." he stuck out his arm for you to loop through, which you gladly did.

you've always this tiny crush on jungkook. it was bound to happen at some point but you never did anything about it and secretly hoped it went away. but your crush on him became even bigger during your senior prom when your trashy ex dumped you right there and then proceeded to start grinding up on one of your "friends."

jungkook was there for you throughout the whole thing. you were balling on his blazer and apologized many times and try to pull your head away to stop your runny makeup from ruining his jacket but he pulled you in closer to him and told you it was fine. he didn't really care if his prom outfit was ruined, all he cared about was you. the prom was ass anyways.

in an effort to make you feel better, he took you to in-n-out. the two of you guys ate your burgers while singing karaoke in his mom's old mini van. without jungkook, you were sure prom would've been a complete disaster. well, it definitely was but he made it better.

since then, you had your fair shares of hook ups and dates while in college. no one had met your incredibly high standards. in other words, no one was jeon jungkook but you would never admit it out loud.

you didn't want to ruin your friendship with him over your dumb feelings for him. plus, you didn't know what he was up to in his own love life. it's been awhile since the two of you actually sat down in person and properly caught up.

after walking in what seemed like fifteen minutes, you guys had arrived at this old park you guys used to hangout while growing up.

"oh man, i haven't been in here forever." you gasped, a big grin spreading across your face. memories flooded your brain.

jungkook looked over to you and couldn't help but smile too since you were so excited.

you let go of his arm and started running towards the tiny hill. "race you."

"hey! you got a head start." jungkook whined as he dashed towards you.

you actually ended up winning the race surprisingly but since jungkook was a sore loser he tackled you to the floor.

"you cheated!" he shouted as he tickled you.

"no-stop please- i did not." you argued between in laughs.

you managed to wrestle jungkook and ended up straddling him with his arms pinned down by you. he made eye contact with you and you could feel you heart do twenty somersaults.

if you guys were kids, it wouldn't be awkward but since you guys were almost twenty years old and since someone had a little crush, there definitely was tension.

you awkwardly coughed to get rid of the silence. "i win though." you fought back as you slid off him.

"yeah, sure. whatever works for you." he chuckled.

"it's not my fault ,you're so slow jk."

he put a hand over his chest, pretending to be hurt. "how dare you say such things about me."

you rolled your eyes at his playfulness and shoved him lightly, "shut up."

the two of you guys fell into silence as you surveyed the world in front of you. a lot has changed but jungkook didn't change one bit.

"so, how's life?" you asked, breaking the peaceful silence. if nothing was going to happen, you were going to fall asleep.

"i thought you wanted me to shut up?" he fired right back.

you threw your hands up in the air, "just answer the question or i'm walking back home."

"alright, alright. i will."

for the next hour or so, the two of you caught up on everything. from friends to school life to the latest work drama. jeez, there was so much to talk about that you guys couldn't cover in your monthly phone calls. it was nice to catch up with him though. you missed him a lot. talking through screens wasn't the same as being next him.

the sun was about halfway in the sky and the clouds were painted a dusty pink. jungkook had whipped out the infamous strawberry milk, much to your delight and you guys sipped in silence with the occasional moment of bringing up old memories.

you were sipping your drink while deep in your thoughts. a surge of confidence came and it dared you to confess your true feelings to your best friend. you don't know where it came from but you weren't no pussy. you stared at the pink sky and a smile formed on you lips as you thought about the what if's with him.

you could feel jungkook's stare on you so, you turned to look at him. "what?"

he had this lovestruck look on his face. a look you've never really seen out of all the years you've known him.

now, jungkook also had a fat crush on you but was too scared to make a move. he thought he lost you when you got a boyfriend in high school but look at how that turned out. he was secretly happy that the two of you didn't work out but he would never confess that to you.

i swear there was something in the air because jungkook also had a surge of confidence that dared him to confess too. the timing was perfect. actually, everything was perfect. the sky was a pretty pink, you were happy which made him even happier.

his mind couldn't stop thinking about how cute you looked in your pajamas and messy bun. he was grateful that you could be comfortable with him and that you didn't care what you looked like in front of him. to him you were just right.

"i love you." he confessed. jungkook was practically sweating as soon as those words left his mouth. he didn't actually mean to confess like that or did he? "i mean-"

"just kiss me, you loser." you cut in.

jungkook smiled before pulling you in.

you tasted like mint toothpaste and strawberries.

[twittytelly]

An Unexpected Gain

Chapter Four - Once Upon a Time

Colin Shea X Female Reader

Previously…

Series Masterlist

A/N: So this is the end of the main story, but not the end of the road. I am planning on writing a little epilogue, plus once I get it off my old laptop I'm going to edit my first first draft of chapter 3 and turn it into another side chapter. I just want to thank you all so much for your feedback on this story, it really means the world to me – I will definitely be writing more Colin stories alongside fic for some of Chris' other pre-Cap roles in the future. Also this chapter would probably not exist without @southerngracela​ read this to see why.

Warnings: Sexual references, swearing, bleeding in pregnancy, miscarriage scare.

Mood board by@imanuglywombat​

Colin didn't sleep that night, paralysed by the guilt that had flooded his veins. He was desperate to find a way to make things better, to make things right. He knew that things could not go back to how they were before, but he didn't mind. Deep down he had always wanted the traditional rituals, pumpkin carving, Easter egg hunts and Christmas tree decorating; but he figured that being raised by his father, who's only method of father-son bonding was to bring him along to a stakeout coupled with his selfish nature meant that fatherhood was not for him.

The blinding sun that invaded through the crack in the curtains informed Colin that morning had arrived. Forcing himself out of bed, he had a new resolve. Colin figured that he may have blown his chance with you, but he could never forgive himself for fucking up his chance with his kid. Besides, you deserved far better than he could ever give you.

-

Things had gotten better between yourself and Colin in the weeks following the showdown in the hallway. While that night was not mentioned again, Colin had gone above and beyond to show that he wanted to be as involved in your pregnancy as possible. The day after the confrontation, you had arrived home from work to find a big bouquet of your favourite flowers alongside a hamper full of crackers, hard boiled sweets, and all the ginger flavoured snacks and drinks available with a note saying:

If none of this works or you get a weird craving, let me know. I'm at your beck and call. C xx

But that was just the start of it. Colin seemed to have obtained every baby book in Boston, and then set up a shared iCalendar so he could be there for every appointment. There was also the extensive research he'd done into midwives, antenatal classes and even hypnobirthing. Not a day went by without Colin sharing a link to a baby product, stating that he would have to buy most things for himself to keep at his place anyway – as much as that stung you were pleased that he was prepared to step up for the sake of the baby.

You were trying your best to overcome your feelings for Colin, but his actions had caused the opposite to happen. How could you not be in love with your handsome neighbour who rubbed your back as you vomited and looked at you as if you were most amazing person on the planet; who would always get you whatever you were craving after a gig, even if it meant going out of his way; who you could talk to about anything and everything, from absolute nonsense to your deepest fears about motherhood?

-

Colin was tearing his apartment apart looking for the right cable for his amp. Band practice may have only been taking place on the roof, but he didn't want to make his bandmates wait around. While he was rooting around his desk, he knocked his mouse, causing his computer monitor to come to life and your face lit up the screen. Colin remembered snapping that moment months ago, when you found him alone on the rooftop after one of your dates had gone wrong. You had weasled Colin into playing one of your favourite songs and began dancing in the moonlight. Colin recalled how he had to capture the look of pure unadulterated joy on your face as you swayed in the glow of the city. Colin could still hear you giggling as you raced down the stairs to his apartment and he realised then that he was done for. He didn't fuck you that night: for the first time in Colin's life, he had made love.

Colin was so lost in his thoughts that he almost didn't hear the frantic banging on the door. He looked away from his computer and sighed.

“Hang on I'll be up in a s-”

“Colin I'm bleeding!”

-

Colin would never remember how he had gotten you both to the hospital, but he could never forget the tension that filled the air as you sat in the waiting room in the maternity ward. Colin was trying his best to stay calm for your sake, but his insides were still twisting and turning. His heart shattered as he felt you tremble in his arms. He did his best to soothe you by delicately running his hand along your back, your face buried in his shoulder. If Colin had his way he would pull you onto his lap, however he knew that now more than ever he had to respect your boundaries. Colin noticed his shoulder moisten as your trembles turned into sobs, he tightened his arms around you and placed a chaste kiss to your temple.

“Hey, hey you're gonna be okay” He said desperate to comfort you. “Whatever happens, I'm here.” You hands tightened on his plaid shirt as you looked up into his eyes. In that moment, Colin swore that he would do anything to take away the fear that was in your eyes and used his thumb to wipe away the tears on your puffy cheeks.

“I'm just so scared Colin.” You said in a voice barely above a whisper. Colin leant down to place another kiss on your forehead.

“I know sweetheart, me too.” Colin confessed. Colin opened his mouth to say something else, but before the words could come out your name was called out. Once again your destiny was calling you, except this time you were hoping with every fibre of your being that pregnancy would be the result. Colin rose from his seat and turned to you holding out his hand.

“I promise that we're in this together.”

-

Once you had heard your baby's heartbeat, it was explained that it was likely a sub-chorionic bleed and you were still likely to have an healthy pregnancy. As the nurse explained that you needed to take it easy for a few days, you couldn't help but zone into Colin's demeanour. As your twelve week scan was still a couple of weeks away this was Colin's first scan. When you saw the look on his face as he heard his child's heartbeat for the first time, you knew that no matter how abnormal this whole situation was; you could not be happier that you were doing this with Colin.

You felt that you should have been excited or at least relieved, but you were numb and exhausted. As you climbed into the passenger seat of Colin's van, you barely registered him speaking to you; luckily he didn't press you for an answer and he began to drive. Instinctively you placed your hand on your belly, where your warm hand brushed against the strip of skin that was exposed after your top had ridden up slightly.

You were still preoccupied when Colin made an unannounced stop and so you didn't notice that he had gotten out of the van until he was getting back in. He passed you a warm paper bag that smelled of fries. As the engine came back to life you noticed the excitement was rolling off Colin in waves and for the first time in what felt like decades a small smile crept across your face.

Soon enough you were outside your apartment block, where Colin escorted you inside with one arm slung protectively around your shoulders. Once you were inside and settled on the sofa, Colin retreated to the kitchen, but within seconds was back and handing you a plate of your exact order from one of your favourite burger places. Without saying a word, you inhaled your meal like a lioness devouring her prey. You noticed Colin sit beside you as closely as possible and you both ate in silence.

You couldn't help but think of the parallels between now and that night a few weeks ago; especially as Colin was there for you in the exact same way. It was as if he intuitively knew what you needed. You knew that the pair of you were committed to having this baby as friends, but you couldn't help but feel that he was acting more like a boyfriend. You knew that once the stupor had worn off you had to bring it all up again.

When you both had finished eating, Colin took the empty plates into the kitchen. As he returned you noticed that the excitement had evolved into nerves as he tried to calculate his next move. He stood to the side of the sofa and fidgeted about, until you stood up and made your way to him. Taking your hand in his, you looked up into his beautiful blue eyes.

“I don't think I can sleep if I'm here on my own, please can you stay until I drop off?”

“Of course I will sweetheart,” Colin answered. “You know I'd do anything for you.”

Once again he let you lead him into your bedroom, but Colin looked away as you kicked off your trainers and socks. Not bothering with your pyjamas, you shimmed out of your jeans and bra. As he heard rustle of your quilt Colin lay on the bed beside you, staying above the duvet.

“Sorry for being such a misery guts, I know I should be more excit-”

“Don't be silly Y/N.” Said Colin sympathetically. “God knows you've been through the ringer tonight, of course you're exhausted.”

You nodded gratefully. “I know this may sound a bit silly, but could you just – I don't know – tell me a story or something – I need to take my mind of tonight for a bit.” Colin gave you a thoughtful look, before kissing you on the forehead again.

“I know just the tale.” He said jokingly as you made yourself comfortable and closed your eyes.

“Once upon a time, just down the corridor lived a jester. The jester was handsome, smart and sexy as hell.”

You did your best to suppress the snort that broke free, of course Colin would use the opportunity to talk about himself.

“The jester was a gifted musician, who would often use his talents to enchant a wench back to his chambers: where he would demonstrate his other mind-blowing capabilities.”

“Colin if you're gonna use this as an excuse to brag about your sexual escapades then I'd rather be alone.” You said in faux annoyance.

“Of course not and if you stop interrupting me, you'll see this is an epic love story.”

Sighing, you indicated to Colin that he was free to continue.

“One day the most fair and beautiful maiden moved in opposite the jester. The jester tried with all of his might, but the maiden was immune to the jester's charms; for she dreamed of being swept off her feet by a handsome prince and the jester believed that true love was not his fate.”

You opened your eyes and looked at Colin as he was staring at the wall. Was he talking about you? A past conquest? Some made up fantasy woman? As Colin turned to look at you, you quickly closed your eyes and hoped he didn't catch you staring.

“The maiden found many suitors, but they did not appreciate the maiden's beauty and kind nature. One fateful night, the jester saved the maiden from the clutches of a troll disguised as a prince. The maiden thanked the jester by letting him spend a magical night in her chambers.”

Your heart started to pound against your ribcage. Yes, he was talking about you, but why? What was Colin trying to achieve?

“The next day the jester promised to help the maiden find her true love and would satisfy her needs in the mean time. However, as the jester spent more time with the maiden, he began to enjoy her companionship and as the weeks turned to months the jester realised that he had fallen in love with the her.”

Your breath hitched in your throat and your heart skipped a beat. Colin was in love. With you... But when? How? Why the fuck didn't he say anything?! You noticed that Colin's breathing had changed and as his fingertips tentatively brushed your across your face to move a stray hair, you opened your eyes to see the azure of his eyes looking right back at you with the boldness to take down a dragon. Before you had the chance to say anything, Colin continued to speak.

“The jester knew that he was not good enough for the maiden and believed that once she had found her prince charming he would have to do whatever it took in order for her to be happy.”

“Colin I-”

“Sh!” Colin interrupted, pressing his index finger to your lips. The story isn't over yet sweetheart.” You decided not to argue to see where Colin was trying to go. As Colin removed his finger, he took a deep breath.

“One day the jester decided to visit the maiden to find that she was most upset. The jester did his best to comfort the maiden, but he found something that did not belong to him... something that... I assumed that it wasn't mine.”

You sat up, your heartbeat accelerating. “Colin wh-”

“The week before, you brought home that James guy home.”

“He missed the last train home and I offered him the couch, but he tried to get into bed with me so I kicked him out. Anyway Colin I was six weeks along when I found out.” You explained as you tried to figure out if you were angry or hurt. “You were the only person I was sleeping with for a while. Colin we could have been together weeks ago, why didn't you say anything?”

“Because I'm not the guy girls want to end up with, I'm just the slutty neighbour. All everyone wants from me is a second round in the morning.”

“Yeah and you proved that when-” you started feeling more agitated.

“If I could take that back then I would!” Colin almost snapped, hurt filling his eyes. Colin went to look away, but you reached out and put your hand on his cheek, forcing him to keep eye contact. “Y/N don't forget that you hid from your feelings for as long as I did. You deserve to be swept off your feet and to ride off into happily ever after with your prince charming, and that's not me.”

“Listen here, Jester.” you said as your thumb stroked Colin's cheek. “I don't want that bullshit. I want Once Upon a Time with you; the guy who never fails to make me laugh, who filled his cupboards with the exact brand of ginger tea that I like, who always comes to my rescue when I need him most.”

Colin's eyes widened like a child on Christmas morning as you leaned in closer and dropped your voice to a whisper.

“Also don't tell the little one, but the sex is pretty mind-blowin-”

Before you had a chance to finish, you felt Colin's soft lips on yours. Bedsheets were shoved to one side as arms wrapped around each of your bodies, pulling you both as close to each other as possible. You deepened the kiss, allowing Colin's tongue entrance, where you both tried to disclose the feelings that words could not define. Eventually, the kiss came to an end, and you both parted for air. Resting your head on his shoulder, you watched as Colin hesitantly placed his hand on your belly. There was no bump yet, but you couldn't help the goosebumps that appeared as Colin stroked your stomach. Colin looked up, with the biggest grin you could ever imagine, excited for what the future had in store.

“I love you Y/N.” Beaming back at him, you replied simply with the only four words needed.

“I love you too.”

-

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