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laurawritesandgames · 4 years ago

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Title: Objections

Fandom: Beetlejuice (Musical)

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Beetlejuice/Adam/Barbara, Charles/Delia

Prompt: Wedding

Content Warning: Set during coronavirus pandemic

Summary: It’s Delia and Charles’s wedding day. The Maitland-Deetz household tries to keep their irreverent demon from spoiling the big day. Little do they know it’s not Beetlejuice they need to worry about….

It had taken ten minutes, but Barbara was finally satisfied with Delia’s lashes. “There. I think we’ve got it.” She moved aside to let Delia see herself in the mirror.

Barbara had put her hair and makeup skills to the test and helped Delia out on her wedding day. Why invite over a makeup artist and hair stylist during a pandemic if you didn’t have to?

Delia examined her reflection and beamed. “It’s perfect.”

That was being kind. It wasn’t exactly one of the dramatic looks on Delia’s wedding Pinterest board. More dramatic makeup would’ve suited her dress better. Ordered from Italy, her dress was a gold ballgown with dramatic tiered tulle flounces on the skirt and a deep V neckline. The gold in the dress played off the gold accents in Delia’s bright orange hair, which was in romantic waves down her back. It was daring and sweet all at once.

When the pandemic hit, the household had talked about postponing her and Charles’s wedding. But Charles’s parents were old-fashioned, and since Delia and Charles wanted to try for a baby right away, they decided to have a virtual wedding instead.

“I can’t thank you enough, Barbara.”

“I’m not letting you do your own hair and makeup on your big day!” She gestured to the laptop. “Now go show the girls.” Her bridesmaids were eagerly awaiting drinking mimosas and celebrating Delia’s look. Barbara had met them at Delia’s virtual bachelorette party, though, of course, they hadn’t known Barbara was there. The bachelorette party had also been rather subdued, considering Delia’s usual standards. She, Barbara and the bridesmaids had streamed both Magic Mike movies, ate popcorn and drank champagne. What else could you do in a pandemic? “I’ll go check on the preparations.”

Delia’s phone, face down on the makeup table, buzzed again. Someone had been texting her all morning, and Delia had been ignoring them. Her gaze flicked to the phone, jaw tightening before she looked back into the mirror.

Barbara gestured to the phone. “I can grab that for you, too.”

A hint of a frown worked its way between Delia’s brows. A moment later, her expression relaxed, and she waved the suggestion away. “I’m fine, darling. I’ve been getting so many robotexts lately. You know, you could stay and have a drink. You’re a bridesmaid too, dear!”

“Oh, it’s nothing. I like keeping busy!” And if I bump something or the camera catches me drinking a mimosa, the focus is definitely not going to be on the bride. Barbara excused herself and went downstairs.

The walls of the living/dining room were decorated with curled gold ribbons and champagne-coloured tulle banners beneath the crown molding. The ghosts and Beetlejuice had moved all the furniture—quite easily, with telekinesis—and added two rows of four chairs on either side of an elegant pale gray runner. The rug led the eye to the laptop, set up on a crystal-laden table where the officiant would’ve stood, and the pale-wood wedding arch wrapped in the same champagne tulle. Everything looked perfect.

Adam, Beetlejuice, and Lydia, the family’s impromptu wedding photographer/videographer, were gathered around a photo album. It took Barbara a second to recognize it.

“Aww, our wedding album!” She joined the group, resting her head on Adam’s shoulder. He kissed her temple, pulling her closer with both arms. The book continued floating in mid-air.

“Obsessed with sunflowers much?” grumbled an unimpressed Beetlejuice.

“I guess so,” Adam said. “My family’s farm had a little sunflower patch. That kinda became our thing.”

“Love the mason jars,” Lydia commented.

“Hey, those were the big thing in 2009,” Barbara said. She supposed their wedding had followed a lot of popular trends: an outdoor barn wedding, lots of tea lights in mason jars, and even a photo booth. But they’d managed to be ahead of the curve on a few things. “Remember our party favours, sweetie?” she asked Adam. “They were little terrariums in stemless wineglasses.”

Adam grinned and squeezed the arm around her waist. “They were tied with ribbons that said ‘Thank you very ‘mulch’ for coming to our wedding!’”

Lydia chuckled; Beetlejuice rolled his eyes.

“Don’t encourage that,” the demon said to his friend. He continued scowling at the wedding album, but Lydia seemed happy to keep looking at the photos.

The most pages they turned, the more Barbara’s mood slid closer to Beetlejuice’s. All those photos were full of friends and family she couldn’t see anymore. Most of her friends’ Facebooks or Instagrams were private, so she couldn’t even do any light internet stalking unless she wanted to log into her old accounts and confuse everyone. Was Lisa still going back to school to get her Masters, or had the pandemic put that on hold? Was Alison still having issues with her mother-in-law? Barbara had no idea. Dead women didn’t have friends. Not to mention her family….

But a wedding was no time to be sad. She pasted a smile on her face and even managed a few cute wedding stories.

“Remember when your uncle Eddy tried to drink his wedding favour?” she asked Adam, who chuckled. “He almost choked on a succulent!”

“But he kept trying to drink from it! Three times!” Adam chuckled. A moment later, his smile faltered. “Probably because he’s a massive alcoholic.”

“Oh, right. Sorry.” That story wasn’t quite as cute as she remembered. “So, um, why don’t we do a last-minute check? Make sure we’ve got everything.”

“All right,” Lydia said. She took the photo album from midair and put it away, frowning slightly. “This is probably going to be the nicest moment I have today, so thanks for that.”

Barbara and Adam shared a worried look. Lydia was deeply ambivalent about her father marrying another woman only six months after her mother died. Lydia had used that fact to extract a lot of concessions about the wedding: Delia had let her wear a black dress and take photographs on her analogue camera instead of a digital camera.

“C’mon, kid!” Beetlejuice said. “Just wait ‘til I get the party started!” He blew a party favour, and sparkly beetles flew behind him.

While Lydia rolled her eyes fondly at her friend, Barbara and Adam shared another worried look. The young woman went upstairs to get changed.

Barbara turned to Beetlejuice. “I just wanted to remind you about your promise, Beetlejuice. I know it’d probably be very funny to interrupt the ceremony. Maybe Lydia would even appreciate it. But this day means a lot to Delia and Charles. They’ve found each other through a lot of pain and hardship, and they deserve a fun, special memory.”

Beetlejuice waved her words away. “Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don’t know this about me yet, but I love a good party. And people can finally see me! Well, only people here, but whatever. Why would I mess that up and have everybody pissed at me? I’m here for the fun and the food, baby.”

As much as Barbara wanted to believe him, she suspected that the only reason he didn’t have a disruption planned was because of Lydia’s innate goodness, not his own.

“I noticed you didn’t love us going through the wedding album, buddy,” Adam said. “Is everything okay?”

He shrugged. “It just…it looked nice. Your wedding.” He glanced between Barbara and Adam, loudly announcing, “None of that boring-ass shit at our wedding, okay?”

Barbara tried not to look too surprised—Beetlejuice loved shocking them. “Noted. But it’s also not going to be jump scares every minute, or a projector that reveals everyone’s darkest fears, or some kind of Saw situation.”

Beetlejuice’s eyebrows rose. “I was just thinking there’d be singing cockroaches and banners made of bats, but those are way better! You wanna plan it, baby?”

“I said ‘not.’ It’s not going to be any of those things. Did you even hear that part?”

He darted in close and kissed her lips. “Eh, we’ll find a compromise that works for all of us. We’re all about that life, right?” His neck stretched cartoonishly to kiss Adam on the lips as well. Then he poofed away in a cloud of smoke.

After a few moments, Adam said, “Did he just ask us to marry him?”

“I think it was a joke proposal. You know him. If he really wanted to propose, there’d be a lot more pizzazz. And possibly dead bodies.”

“Right, of course.”

“Would you have said yes if he’d been serious?” Barbara asked, curious.

“Things between the three of us have been going pretty well, but I don’t think I’m ready to jump into another marriage quite yet. And you?”

It was exactly what she’d expected from Adam. They’d changed since their deaths—six months later, their afterlives involved parenthood, isolation from friends and family, a lot more free time, and a polyamorous relationship. But it was nice when she could guess what he was thinking. Not everything had changed. “The same. Maybe in a few years or so.”

Before the ceremony, Charles and Lydia stayed in the living room, helping older relatives log on to Zoom and greeting people as they logged in. Charles was wearing a pale grey tuxedo with a metallic grey tie and pocket square. Lydia looked like an elegant classic Hollywood starlet with a goth twist: her black lace gown had a subtle skull pattern to it, barely visible unless the light hit it just right. Her onyx choker and bracelets looked like thorny vines going up her pale arms and encircling her neck. On her head was a raven fascinator with golden bead eyes, her one concession to the wedding colours.

The laptop screen filled up with squares of happy, smiling faces. Everyone had dressed up for the occasion, wearing suits and dresses.

“Betcha most of them are wearing sweat pants,” Beetlejuice said.

“Well, hopefully we’ll never find out,” Barbara replied. The three of them were sitting on the white chairs on either side of the aisle. Most people watching this meeting online probably assumed these chairs were only there for symmetry. As far as they knew, Lydia was the only other person physically at this wedding.

Despite her earlier claim, Lydia was smiling and chatting with Charles’s parents and, to Barbara’s surprise, Emily’s mother. Coming to your son-in-law’s wedding six months after your daughter’s death must have been hard, but if there were any issues, Barbara didn’t see them, and she wasn’t about to eavesdrop on a family moment.

Emily was sick for years. I suppose her family had a lot of time to mourn her. She thought about her parents and her sister at her own funeral. What had that been like?

Lydia took video of Delia coming down the stairs to the bridal chorus, played on speakers set up throughout the room, then put the video camera on a tripod so she could participate in the ceremony.

“I want to thank everyone for joining us today,” the officiant said. “In lieu of wedding gifts, the bride and groom have asked that you donate to the Rural Connecticut Preservation Society. I’m pleased to share that we’ve raised $10,000, which will be donated after the wedding.”

If Charles had had any reservations about donating to a charity dedicated to stopping housing development in rural Connecticut, which directly impacted his career, he hadn’t brought it up during the wedding’s planning stages. Lydia had suggested the charity, after all.

Everyone applauded.

“We will now bless the rings,” the officiant said.

Lydia took out the rings, held them both tightly in her hands, and whispered her blessing into her clenched fists. She smiled mischievously at Charles.

“I suppose if they burst into flame, we’ll know Mom disapproves.”

There were a few awkward chuckles from the assembled, none louder than Delia’s. “That’s my darling, unique stepdaughter for you! Oh, Lydia, you’re so funny!”

In a mocking, little-girl voice, Lydia replied, “I appreciate the compliment, my dearest stepmother.”

Barbara and Adam made sure that they were holding Beetlejuice’s hands so he couldn’t raise them.

The demon scoffed. “You know, I don’t need my hands to do ghost magic? I could just set the rings on fire with my mind.”

“Do not—”

“I wasn’t gonna! Jeez.”

With a theatrical flourish, Lydia showed off the rings to the laptop camera. Barbara half-expected them to be Netherworld green, but they were normal. “My blessing has been spoken. Please speak your blessings now.” Ideally, everyone would’ve been able to touch the rings and speak their blessings in private.

After a pause, Delia’s father spoke first, and others followed. The wedding program had provided a few sample blessings, but people were free to write their own. Delia’s mother began crying halfway through hers.

“Save something for the wedding speech, Amanda,” her father joked. He reminded Barbara of her own dad.

Barbara and Adam gave their own blessings. “Delia and Charles, we wish you health, happiness and love as you start your new life together,” they said, touching the rings, making sure not to brush Lydia’s hands.

Beetlejuice had declined to take part in “New Age bullshittery,” so he remained hovering over his seat.

The rest of the wedding was more traditional, probably to appease Charles’s parents. Barbara’s mind wandered. She and Adam had come so far, hadn’t they? She held Adam’s hand lightly, running her thumb up and down his palm—rather, she did until Beetlejuice forced his way between the two of them and sat on both of their laps.

“Poor baby, no one was paying attention to you,” she cooed into his ear.

“It’s the worst,” he agreed. She ran her fingers through his spikey green hair. Adam gave him some attention by resting his head on Beetlejuice’s shoulder. That seemed to do the trick—he sighed and relaxed.

Readings were read, vows were said, and rings were exchanged. Charles’s vows were simple and straightforward—too curt for Barbara’s tastes—but Delia’s were long enough for them both. Barbara fought the urge to check the time. She felt like Delia had been going for 10 minutes.

Delia actually appeared to be wrapping up when “I object!” sounded over the laptop’s speakers.

A square popped up on Zoom, revealing that the speaker was a tanned older man with more salt than pepper in his hair and bright white teeth. He had a faint accent that Barbara couldn’t place. She’d never seen him on any of Delia’s photos or social media.

Delia made a few choking noises in the back of her throat, the colour draining from her face.

Charles glared at the screen. “You,” he spat out.

Clutching Charles like a lifeline, Delia drew herself up as tall as she could. “Jeremy, log off immediately! I don’t know how you got my number or how you got this link, but get out, you narcissistic psychopath! You don’t get to be a part of my life, not after what you did!”

“Delia, my love, I know you still feel something for me—“

‘My love’? This can’t be the ex-husband, can it? Years ago, Delia’s ex had sailed away to Rome with the secretary he’d been cheating on her with.

“Hey,” Beetlejuice whispered, “I never possessed someone over the internet before. Maybe if we all work together, we can do it?”

Jeremy had opened his mouth to speak again. If ghostly powers could stop this disaster, they had to try. Barbara grabbed Beetlejuice’s and Adam’s hands and held them out to the laptop screen.

“—and I—” Jeremy continued. His gaze abruptly unfocused. Barbara tried to force words into his mouth.

“I’m so sorry!” he said, just as she’d scripted. “I’m going to log off and…and…and throw myself into a dumpster like the piece of trash I am.”

She hadn’t told him to say that. Barbara glanced at Beetlejuice, who grinned back at her.

“And then,” Jeremy continued, “I’m gonna take my toenail clippings, and my belly button lint, put them in a blender, take a shit in that blender, start the blender, and pour myself a shit-shake. It’s my regular Saturday morning routine, baby!”

Lydia rushed forward and tapped a few keys. His square vanished from the screen.

“I blocked him,” she said.

“Thank you, stepdaughter.” Delia sniffled, and Charles handed her a Kleenex from his suit pocket.

As Delia struggled to compose herself, Barbara whispered, “A poop-shake? Really, Beetlejuice?”

“It was Adam!” He couldn’t even keep a straight face, and chortled. “Okay, you caught me. Hey, I had to make sure he’d never be able to look these people in the eye again.”

Delia glared at the laptop screen. “Lydia, darling, explain to me how you set this event up again.”

“I set it as a private Zoom event. Everyone involved in the ceremony had to have a link and a password.”

“So,” Delia said, “who gave my ex-husband—who, I’d just like to remind everyone, is a cheating bastard—the link and the password?”

Slowly, one of Delia’s aunts raised her hand, her face bright pink behind her makeup.

“Millie!” Delia’s mom exclaimed.

“Mom!” shrieked one of Delia’s cousins.

Most people on the Zoom call started shouting at once. It took a few minutes to hear Aunt Millie’s explanation.

“I had no idea he was going to object,” she squeaked. “But he was such a big part of our lives for such a long time, and I thought he deserved to at least see the ceremony….”

“Aunt Millie,” Delia said, “you are no longer welcome!”

“Of—of course. I’m so sorry, Delia.” Aunt Millie took out her glasses and peered at the screen. “Er, which button do I…?”

Lydia took care of it, and banned her.

“And everyone thought I’d use my ghost powers for evil,” Beetlejuice boasted. “Look at me, doing good deeds! Being a goddamn hero!”

Barbara would’ve responded, but poor Delia sagged against Charles, tears running down her face. She tried to speak, but only managed a quiet sob.

“We’re going to take a break,” Lydia said quickly, turning back to the laptop. “See you in 10 minutes, everyone.” She muted them and closed the laptop.

Beetlejuice waved his hand to grab Delia’s attention, grinning broadly. “Thought I’d mention that if you know where he lives I could teleport to his location and, well, cause a little havoc.”

“Do we need to go over the house rules?” Barbara asked. ‘No Murdering’ was the first one.

“No murdering, this time! Just a little non-fatal revenge.”

Delia hesitated for a moment, then shook her head. “No, thank you.”

“Non-fatal?” Lydia asked Beetlejuice. “Are you sure? Our wedding did set a precedent for murder….”

Beetlejuice chuckled, and the two fistbumped.

After a moment, the demon frowned. “Wait, should I fistbump you for murdering me?”

“You already completed the ‘bump—you can’t take it back now,” Lydia said.

“Shit, you’re right.”

Delia stared at the living room, lips quivering. “Maybe…maybe this is a sign. The universe must not want me to get married again!”

Beetlejuice floated over. “Delia! Signs don’t exist. Trust me, I’d know! There is no heaven, no hell, no meaning to anything! The universe is cold, distant, and uncaring. It’s basically my mom,” he joked. “But the point is—it doesn’t care what you want, and nothing you say or do can affect it.

“Besides, girl!” Beetlejuice leaned in. “Chuck is rich as fuck. Lock him down!”

Charles glared at him before turning back to Delia. “I still want to get married to you, Delia.”

“Are you sure?” She blew into her Kleenex before continuing. “There are women who…who don’t have ex-husbands that ruin their weddings and—and make a scene in front of all their friends and family….”

“Delia,” Barbara said quietly, “you’re not the first person to date an asshole. I mean, look at me and Adam.”

Beetlejuice appreciated the burn, even if it was at his own expense—he cackled over Delia’s tepid chuckle.

“Don’t blame yourself for what just happened,” Barbara continued.

Delia whimpered into her Kleenex. Charles stroked her hair lightly.

“Delia,” he said, “I stood in front of our friends and family and told them how you were the brightest light in my darkest time. I meant every word of it. Nothing will change that. I love you.” He kissed her so deeply that Barbara looked away to give them some privacy.

When they were done, Lydia cleared her throat. “I’ll go get the digital camera so we can adjust the photos faster. That way you won’t have to worry about your makeup looking perfect.” She began to set her analog camera down.

Delia shook her head. “No—you said this was your artistic vision, and I won’t see it compromised.”

Lydia looked surprised. “Oh.” Her smile was small but sincere. “Thanks, Delia.”

Delia took this as an invitation to hug her stepdaughter. Lydia rolled her eyes, but patted her shoulder and didn’t pull away.

“Besides,” Delia added, “this camera was your mother’s gift to you, and I don’t want her coming back from the Netherworld to tell me off.”

Beetlejuice facepalmed. “That is not how the Netherworld works! That’s not how any of it works.”

“Well, it couldn’t hurt to make sure, could it?” Delia stepped back. “If you’ll excuse me, I’ll just fix my face.”

“I can help,” Barbara said, and Delia nodded.

Once they were upstairs, Delia collapsed in her makeup chair, sighing heavily.

“I actually thought it was going to go well,” she commented. “That I’d have one beautiful day even in the midst of the world’s ugliness. I was so stupid. Nothing ever goes right for me.”

Barbara reached out to pat Delia’s shoulder before stopping herself. When Delia looked confused, she explained, “Lydia said touching me or Adam is like touching an ice cube tray straight from the freezer.”

“I don’t mind.”

Hesitantly, Barbara touched Delia’s shoulder. It was the first time she’d touched a living person other than Lydia in months, and hugs from a 16-year-old girl she didn’t know that well were rare. The older woman shivered but didn’t pull away.

“Lydia’s not wrong,” Delia admitted. She put her hand over Barbara’s, squeezing slightly. “But a hand offered in friendship should never be refused. You know, it’s been almost four months since I last touched someone who wasn’t Charles.”

“Hopefully this coronavirus pandemic will end soon.”

“I’ve been saying healing prayers twice a day.”

Barbara wasn’t sure they’d be effective, but healing prayers were more than most of America’s leaders were doing. At least Delia was listening to the science and wearing a mask when she went outside. She’d grown so much in the short time Barbara had known her.

Barbara missed her friends from when she was alive. That was natural. But she couldn’t let her loss keep her from recognizing that she’d made a friend after death, too.

“Thanks, Delia,” Barbara said. “Not just for the healing prayers, but for everything. Having two ghostly housemates and a demon would be a lot for some people, but you’ve taken it in stride.”

Delia chuckled. “I once lived in a commune of 200 people. Living off the land, growing our own food…and digging our own toilets.” She wrinkled her nose, then chuckled. “You three are a walk in the park compared to that!”

“If there’s anything you need from me or Adam, please let us know. We don’t want to trouble you or Charles.”

Delia opened and closed her mouth. After a moment, she said, “Well….I suppose I do have a rather personal question….”

“Shoot.”

“Beetlejuice—is he actually good in the bedroom?”

Barbara giggled. “He is. He’s had millennia to think about what he’d do if he ever had sexual partners again. He’s very…inventive.”

“I’ll admit, I’m surprised. He doesn’t seem the type to be concerned with another’s pleasure.”

“Oh, there’s definitely times he forgets. But then we get to teach him. Ahem. Now,” she nodded to the mirror, “let’s get your makeup touched up.”

Barbara wouldn’t ever be hungry or thirsty again, but the stuffed butternut squash was delicious. Delia and Charles had deferred to Barbara and Adam’s local expertise when they planned the menu at their wedding dinner. Adam knew most of the farms the vegetables had come from.

The Deetzes had said goodbye to all their guests, and the family was eating their wedding dinner in the dining room.

Delia had been going to give out the crystals on either side of the laptop as wedding favours—the stones were mostly rose quartz, moonstone and a pale white stone called selenite. But after Jeremy’s arrival, she said she needed to cleanse the crystals. “I’m going to give them a few lunar cycles, just to be safe.”

Barbara nodded, pretending she understood what that meant. “Adam, Beetlejuice and I are dead. We’ve got nothing but time!”

“I just want to thank everyone again for your hard work,” Delia said, smiling at them. “Lydia, for your photographic eye and leading the blessing. Barbara, for the hair, makeup, decorating and emotional support. Adam, for sending out all the emails and doing the tech support. All the ghosts, for intervening when a certain someone decided to crash the party.”

“It was mostly me,” Beetlejuice said. Barbara rolled her eyes at Adam, who chuckled.

“He is the ghost with the most,” Adam said, making Beetlejuice grin.

“My mistake—thank you, Beetlejuice. Thank you all for being part of one of the most important days of our lives. Thank you for being our family.”

Barbara sniffled a bit as she and Adam applauded the speech.

“I got the happy couple some extra gifts,” Beetlejuice said. “For the wedding night.”

“I’m going into another room,” Lydia announced abruptly, setting her plate down. “Another house. Another life.”

As she left, Beetlejuice grinned. “We’re rated PG-13, guys! It’s just rose petals on the bed and some boozy chocolates. Figured you two have your own toys—”

Lydia started singing loudly as she covered her ears, taking the stairs three at a time to get away.

Barbara tried to figure out what he had in mind. “These rose petals won’t become spiders, will they?”

“They’re totally normally and boring, if you must know. I ordered them off Amazon.”

“How?” Adam asked. “You have no money.”

“I typed in Chuck’s credit card, duh.”

“What?” Charles snapped.

Barbara and Adam sighed. Beetlejuice’s morality was a never-ending project that was not without its consequences.

Not for the first time, Barbara reflected that it was a good thing the Maitlands loved working on projects together.

After the wedding dinner, as Barbara, Adam and Beetlejuice were cleaning up, Lydia came downstairs. She was carrying another photo album and wearing a glum expression. She’d changed out of her party dress, and was wearing a comfy hoodie and sweat pants—all black, of course.

“Got a sec?” she asked quietly.

“Of course, sweetheart,” Barbara said.

Lydia showed them a photo—a younger Emily Deetz on a younger Charles’s lap, grinning at the camera in a fancy restaurant.

“My mom and dad’s wedding wasn’t like today’s. There wasn’t any structure. It was just a big party at one of the best restaurants in New York, followed by wandering the city with all their friends and family. They stopped in at dingy bars to listen to live music, they caught a comedy show, they walked through Times Square at two in the morning. They almost got mugged! Mom was hard core like that. Daddy attracts dramatic weddings, doesn’t he?” she joked.

Her smile dropped a second later. “And Daddy looks just as happy here as he did today. I was photographing him and Delia the whole time. I’d know.”

“So,” Beetlejuice said, “the big takeaway here is that Chuck is in love with the women he gets married to?”

Lydia chuckled sadly. “Something like that. I mean, one of them was a woman he met in college, while the other was his employee…. But who cares about things like abuses of power when it’s true love? Daddy and Delia keep trying to make me comfortable with their love story, but how can I be? If it were any other situation, I’d be blasting Daddy online as he stars in the latest MeToo scandal, right?”

Barbara nodded. “You’re right. It’s pretty rare for a story like Delia and Charles’s to end this way. You sound like you’re carrying a lot, Lydia. Do you want to sit and—”

“No, thanks. I just wanted to whine for a bit. Delia’s family seem nice, at least. Except for Aunt Millie, obviously.” She closed the photo album in a short, frustrated gesture. “Well, goodnight, guys.”

“Do you mind if we check in with you tomorrow?” Barbara said. “See how you’re feeling?” Sixteen was such a tough age—particularly when your father was remarrying.

“If you want.” She shrugged, as if she really didn’t care, but her small smile made Barbara hopeful that she’d made the right decision. The only thing more difficult than being a teenager was parenting a teenager she’d just met a few months ago.

Beetlejuice was frowning as Lydia left. “Guys, we gotta help Lyds!” He was nothing if not loyal. “We should break Chuck and Delia up, right?” He leaned in to Adam. “I got the perfect way to do it. You know how Delia thinks Emily can come back from the Netherworld?” Beetlejuice became Emily Deetz for a moment, still with a few mossy patches and green hair. “Well, what if she can? And then we tell Delia to GTFO!”

That he was asking them instead of just doing it was a pretty good sign.

“Well, Bug,” Adam said, “think about it—if Lydia didn’t want this wedding to happen, she could’ve objected herself. Or asked her father not to get married to Delia.”

Beetlejuice became his usual self again, looking disappointed. “Oh. Right. Didn’t think of that.”

“She’s an intelligent, sensitive young woman with complicated feelings about a complicated issue,” Barbara said. “I think the best way to help her is to listen to her without judgement.”

“Why is the right way always the most boring way?” Beetlejuice said, sighing.

Barbara knew how to get him happy again. “Now,” she said, running her hand along his shoulder, “why don’t we finish up and go upstairs? After all this work for everyone else, we deserve some…ah, quality time together.”

Beetlejuice fistpumped and chortled. “Yes! Unfortunately, because of this fic’s rating, we gotta cut it off here. I just wanna let everyone know, it’s gonna be freakin’ awesome—'cuz I’m awesome, baby.”

Barbara had no idea what he was talking about, as usual. Adam kissed her cheek, and they went back to the dishes.

#beetlelandsweek2020 #Beetlejuice #beetlejuice musical #adam maitland #barbara maitland #beetlejuice x adam x barbara

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stephsmith321 · 4 years ago

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Marijuana landlord turns activist, arguing local policies are slowing legal weed

Originally Published On Ocregister.com By Brooke Staggs On May 23, 2018

Stephanie Smith, a Pacific Palisades real estate developer, is challenging the constitutionality of a portion of Moreno Valley’s marijuana ordinance. (Courtesy photo)

Stephanie Smith was balancing one of her 2-year-old twins on a hip during a quiet morning in December when she heard a commotion outside her home in Los Angeles’ affluent Pacific Palisades neighborhood.

Someone began banging on her front door. As she moved to open it, she saw a line of police officers in her front yard and red laser gun sights coming through the windows, bouncing off her and her children.

Officers searched her home. They found and took blueprints for a kitchen remodel project and her cell phone.

At the same time, 80 miles due east in San Bernardino, dozens of officers were raiding two warehouses and another home owned by Smith. They seized nearly 25,000 marijuana plants and arrested eight men for growing cannabis in the three locations without city permits.

Smith wasn’t arrested or fined. But headlines the next day painted the 43-year-old as a “queenpin” and the “mastermind” of a multimillion-dollar illegal marijuana-growing operation.

“To be labeled a ‘drug lord’ in international press was a surprise,” she said.

“I don’t even have house plants.”

Though the mother of five boasts that she’s the biggest cannabis landlord in California, Smith insists she’s just that, a landlord. She says she isn’t involved with the marijuana businesses ran by her tenants.

Smith also insists her San Bernardino clients weren’t hiding. She says they’re part of California’s entrenched cannabis industry that’s struggling to join the emerging legal market, and that those efforts are being hampered by “corrupt” and “regressive” city policies.

Smith shrank from public attention when she was part of a very different scandal a decade ago, legally changing her last name to something that’s as anonymous as it can get.

This time, she says she’s fighting back.

Smith has filed lawsuits against San Bernardino and three other Inland Empire cities over their marijuana policies. And she’s floating marijuana ballot measures in six communities, determined to make conditions fairer for the industry that’s been so good to her.

First brush with infamy

Smith, whose name at birth was Stephanie Darcy, was raised in Minneapolis by a single working mom. She grew up dreaming of being an artist, and she still nurses a passion for painting.

After studying marketing in Boston, and using her artist’s eye to flip houses in the Phoenix area, she moved to Southern California in 2005 to attend business school at UCLA.

She was dating and working for Dr. Craig Alan Bittner, who had a successful liposuction practice in Beverly Hills. Things were going well until 2008, when a trio of lawsuits claimed Bittner had let Smith perform botched liposuction procedures even though she had no medical training. The lawsuits were eventually dismissed.

“At the end of the day, I made a regulatory mistake a decade ago and paid a $242 fine,” Smith said.

Things got more complicated when authorities caught wind that Bittner was violating medical waste laws by using fat removed from his patients to power his and Smith’s cars.

Smith said the intent with “LipoDiesel” was never to suggest that people could actually run their vehicles on human fat. She said it was simply a way to illustrate what was possible if people opened their minds to alternative energy sources. And she said they asked permission from every client, with all but one of some 8,000 patients enthusiastically consenting.

There was no word for internet “trolls” then, but Smith said she was intimidated into silence.

“If I could go back in time, I would have talked very openly about our goals for changing our view of energy,” she said. “I would have talked about my passion for the environment instead of being afraid.”

Becoming a cannabis landlord

Smith’s foray into another controversial industry started as a favor.

With the housing market in crisis a decade ago, Smith dove into commercial real estate.

A friend of a friend was growing cannabis under California’s loose medical marijuana laws as he put himself through law school in 2009. But he was struggling to find space to house his operation, with local and federal policies that made it risky for landlords to take on marijuana tenants.

Smith says she’s never been a “hardcore” marijuana consumer herself. “But like a lot of people, I wanted the laws changed.” So she let the small-time grower lease one of her L.A. properties.

The tenant finished law school and moved on. So Smith put the site back on the market, thinking its water and power stations would make for a good laundromat or nail salon.

She said she had no idea then that anyone would recognize signs of a grow house. But 45 minutes after the property went up on Craigslist, a cultivator offered double the asking price. Soon, she was in a bidding war, eventually landing a grower who paid three times the requested rent.

Stephanie Smith in San Bernardino, CA., Friday, May 18, 2018. Smith is the self-proclaimed largest cannabis landlord in California and has become a major advocate for the industry. (Staff photo by Jennifer Cappuccio Maher, The Sun/SCNG)

Stephanie Smith helps canvas for signatures, for a San Bernardino ballot initiative, with Alexander Navarrette in the Verdemont neighborhood of San Bernardino, CA., Friday, May 18, 2018. (Staff photo by Jennifer Cappuccio Maher, The Sun/SCNG)

Today, she said her company, Industrial Partners Group, owns two million square feet of industrial space. Most of it is in Southern California, but she has property as far north as Sacramento. And, while she rents buildings to Walmart and bakeries, many of her warehouses are leased to cannabis growers and manufacturers.

One reason Smith believes she’s been so successful is that many cannabis entrepreneurs were accustomed to dealing with landlords who refused to sign leases or made them use fake names so they could feign ignorance. Smith said she tried to “inject some professionalism” by treating them like other valuable tenants.

She’s also discreet.

B-Real, stage name for lead Cypress Hill rapper Louis Freese, leases a Downtown L.A. warehouse from Smith. When asked if she has any other famous tenants, Smith pauses, flashes her frequent smile and says: “I have a nice reputation among hip-hop and sports celebrities.”

Smith considers her work with the industry a form of activism. But this election cycle, she says, is different.

“This is my first time taking it to the streets.”

Raid prompts activism

Smith wore a gray cotton shirt, jeans and colorful sneakers on a recent Friday evening as she joined a political support team canvassing San Bernardino’s Verdemont neighborhood. The goal is to collect the 8,602 signatures needed to get her proposed cannabis measure on the November ballot.

Residents seemed largely receptive, though they’ve been through this before.

When Californians voted to legalize recreational marijuana under Proposition 64 in 2016, San Bernardino voters also approved Measure O, which laid out a framework for cannabis businesses to operate in town.

The measure was needed because Prop. 64 gives cities the rights to regulate businesses in their borders. And a study of local marijuana policies shows more than two-thirds of cities in California still bans all marijuana ventures.

San Bernardino awarded its first business permit under Measure O last year, to the owners of Flesh Showgirls. They now run a strip club in one half of the building and Captain Jack’s marijuana dispensary in the other.

But multiple lawsuits were filed over Measure O, and in December a judge threw the initiative out because, he said, it used spot zoning to create a monopoly that allowed just two shops in town. That ruling is being appealed.

Smith says her San Bernardino tenants had applied at least eight times for licenses to operate their businesses legally under Measure O, inviting city officials to inspect their high-end security and odor filtration systems.

A week after the raids, she said two of the tenants received letters from the city saying they could legally grow marijuana if they paid $140,000 in fees. Smith said they paid up but still haven’t been cleared to operate, leaving 100 people out of work. And she said police have been called 10 times since the raids over reports of vandalism and homeless people squatting in the vacant buildings.

The city is now accepting applications under its own licensing scheme. But a new policy says companies previously deemed to be operating illegally aren’t eligible for permits, leaving Smith’s clients with no route to run legal cannabis businesses in San Bernardino.

City and police officials declined to comment on any of Smith’s claims, citing pending and potential litigation.

Branching out

Spurred by what happened in San Bernardino, Smith has filed additional lawsuits against Colton, Hemet and Moreno Valley.

Concerns raised in the suits include Colton’s requirement that residents get permission from the city if they want to grow marijuana plants at home for personal use, as allowed under Prop. 64. And that anyone working for a marijuana business in Moreno Valley, from contractors to janitors, first get a city permit.

Her team is also collecting signatures for marijuana ballot measures in Colton, Hemet, Upland, Bakersfield and Kern County.

The initiatives are tailored for each area, Smith said. That means Central Valley policies support a cultivation-heavy market while San Bernardino is encouraged to put its affordable industrial properties to work by becoming a manufacturing hub, making vape pens and edibles popular with cannabis consumers.

California is close to an inflection point, Smith believes, where marijuana businesses won’t have to hide or beg cities to let them in. When that happens, Smith said she hopes Southern California cities will have fair policies in place that position them to compete for the jobs and tax revenue the cannabis industry can generate.

And Smith, of course, will have properties ready to house those valuable tenants.

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listoriented · 5 years ago

Text

“B”een There

done that.

So here ends my time playing games that start with the letter B. Thanks for reading! It's been three years plus change. Back in early 2016 when I pondered how the world might look when I finished another letter, I never imagined, even from that unsteady ground, just quite how different things would become (in terms of global political-psychological landscape) - though really all the top-down drama happened that year, and everything since then has just felt like the normalisation and ratification of it, this splintered-systemic madness, the post-parody, post-fake fake-real. Or whatever you want to call it.

Nor did I imagine that it would take me so long. But, life. I went overseas, moved houses, moved cities, went through a breakup, started a PhD, rode a bike, read some books, faffed around. I anxiously played hundreds of hours of Rocket League; I ticked off every achievement in Mini Metro; I spent too long trying to remember what I was doing in Stardew Valley. I reviewed some games over at Gamecloud, which wrapped up earlier this year. Time accumulated in a predictable but upsetting way.

Beloved demigod of gaming blogs RPS went through a full staff turnover, pretty much. It's weird, man. VR happened but remains a bit beyond my periphery, even if it gets brought up from time to time in the groupchat. Battle Royale games weren't a thing a few years ago, then they became everything, now they are still a big deal, the biggest deal, or maybe a large-medium deal, or just a large part of the background - I honestly don’t know how to quantify this. Steam's ubiquity has slipped markedly, through a mixture of managed negligence and increasingly aggressive competition. The inherent limitations of being bound to one commercial distribution system on one hardware platform have always been at the back of my mind, but I do increasingly wonder if my time would be better spent on a project that dug through other veins. The answer is, for now, that sometimes you've gotten keep doing the thing you said you were gonna do, if no other reason than because.

Tumblr, our home since 2016, has gone through its own shifts and controversies in this time too. They no longer seem to allow unencoded links (so no-one ever knows what they’re clicking on), it became less friendly to adult content, and as of today apparently Tumblr has been sold on to wordpress. I don’t really know the implications of this last thing.

Some Maths

I played fifty one games beginning with B. Of the forty-eight that I'd deem to have some notional metric of completability, twenty-four of those I (often in the most flexible sense possible), "completed". 50%: Not as bad as I'd expected, TBH, especially as that includes a couple of painful six/seven game streaks where I didn't finish anything.

Ceremonious Award Giving for Games Starting with ‘B’

It is always hard to pick favourites, and from any given vantage point they tend to change. Nevertheless, an act of self-canonisation is in order, as is tradition. Given the nature of this project, I do put a lot of value in titles that surprise me in one way or another. Batman: Arkham Asylum and Bulletstorm were equal Best Goofy Action surprises (it pays having low expectations, sometimes), with an honourable mention to Brigador. The Banner Saga was the most surprisingly thought provoking. Davey Wreden’s autoficitive The Beginners Guide gets the Anodyne Prize for Most Enjoyably Difficult To Put In A Box.

Botanicula was probably my Favourite (total) Revisit, or the best non-surprise.

B was a letter characterised by a few high-budget action series (of which my favourite part was Bioshock 2 (Minerva's Den)), held up by substrate of modest indie things of varying impact. My attention span was all over the place, too. We had a lot of short forays with little to say, but there was there were also more than a few wordier attempts at thought. I'm bad at judging what makes "good" writing, particularly of my own, which I oscillate between accepting and loathing, but I can tell you which games/posts took the cake for length and effort: Baldur's Gate for longest playtime; Burnout: Paradise for highest word-count (and longest gestation period); Battleblock Theater for the most time-consuming method of putting a post together; The Beginners Guide for the most times played through a game in order to try and parse it; Braid for the most external reading and referencing.

I think the most absurdly Expensive-at-purchase game here was Battlefield: Bad Company 2, which also gets the newly thought of I Can’t Believe It Still Has Functioning Online Multiplayer prize. I'm handing the Most Disappointing badge to Broken Age, despite (or because of) already having played it a bunch before attempting it for the list, though Before the Echo (fka Sequence) takes the Aquanox Award for game I inexplicably sunk the most time on trying to finish despite not really enjoying. I hold the Most Contempt for Breach & Clear. Black Mirror had the Worst Voice Acting, and it was also the Oldest Game here (2003), at least in terms of no-significant-alterations though depending on how you want to factor in remasters and remakes, you might alternatively give that prize to Broken Sword (1996) or Bionic Commando Rearmed (1988). Blueberry Garden was Purchased Most Long Ago, in 2009, though the Aquaria Trophy for Longest Unplayed Incumbent goes to Bob Came in Pieces, which I'd bought in 2010 then never installed (it's pretty good, it turns out!). However, the special Emotional Closure Award goes to Baldur's Gate, with which I already had nearly two decades of fond, scattered memories, before finally finishing for the first time during this project.

More Maths

When I started this letter I had 438 games in my steam library. Right now I have 1049 games, which is almost exactly three times the amount I had when I started this blog in October 2015 (~350). I've played 70 games total. A further 57 entered the list behind the marker, into the exempt scorched land of the already visited alphabet, which means we're at 127/1049 = 12.11% of the way through the list, which is a +7% increase on where we were at three years ago. That's not nothing. But at 2.5% per year, it's not a lot. Globally, the average human lifespan is 68 years.

Terrifying Implications For the Future

The maths says that the current terms aren't working, that I'm drowning in a heady mixture of my own relentless consumerism, hesitation, and procrastination from this task which is itself an avenue of procrastination - that at this rate I will probably die (or certainly give up) before even getting to the halfway point, and that we can't continue like this in good faith.

So I'm going to get a bit reckless, even change the rules slightly, in order to try and breathe new life into this thing. All games must still be played for at least an hour - yes, that one stands. But. BUT. I'm setting a hard time limit of one week, from one game to the next, post to post. For now at least. No more lofty words about striving to "finish" games as a rule rather than exception. It's quantity over quality (pretending for a second that quality was ever a concern) from here on out, business over pleasure, irreverence over lengthy considerations, scrapbooking over essays.

On the bright side, this means I can have a weekly posting schedule. Let's say Tuesdays? Tuesdays seem like a good day for posting.

A couple of other things:

List Oriented now has a ko-fi tip jar, just in case you, dear reader, enjoy this blog - or did before it went completely silent for the first half of this year - and feel like helping to pay for my caffeine addiction and/or encouraging me to keep going with this task.

Another thing I want to do is compile a list of links to good places for games-writing and other things that I like, because a) I feel like such a page would be helpful for me to keep a record, even if for nobody else; b) my conception of the internet is permanently stuck in 2008 but also; c) it's hard to remember where to look for good things on the internet, sometimes, these days, given our habitual over-reliance on various platforms to direct us to CONTENT. But one thing I want to include is a list of other places where people are doing this kind of list-oriented project thing. I remember a bunch of them sprung up a couple of years back when we gained a brief and relative flash of notoriety, though I’m not sure how many stuck at it. If you yourself are doing one, or you’re aware of any others who are, Let Me Know!

Anyway, looking ahead. C. An obtuse but interesting letter. Not so many of the big-hitters. A buuuuunch of city builders and management games, a few influential and/or janky platformers, more than a handful of puzzlers, some famed RTS series, a heap of question marks, a coupla interesting art things and a few uh *squints* Shooting Game. Happily for me, a lot of titles that I've not yet gotten round to giving a go, so this will be all...fresh.

I have a vague memory from when I got through A, of looking ahead to C and thinking at least it was a much more compact section than B, at the time, some light on the other side of what I'd already known would be a slog. But here we are three years later, and now there's fifty seven such games beginning with C, so there goes that thought. You'd think, having identified the consumerist-excess problem that catalysed this stupid thing, I would have stopped buying game bundles at some point, made this ridiculous project a bit easier for myself, a little more plausible for everyone else.

But, we must continue. It's a new day. A new letter. A new schedule.

The way is long and it is littered with videogames.

above: “celebrating” my “achievements” with a ‘b’eer

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thestuckylibrary · 6 years ago

Note

Hi, I was wondering if there are any fics you can rec that have no smut? I don't mind sex scenes but just looking for popular non-explicit fics that might fit the bill? Thank you for all the work you do!

Tags page 1 has fics sorted by rating. These tags might particularly interest you:

G / PG

T / PG - 13

M / R

Also, here are a few to start out with. I’ve organized them with G rated fics listed first, T rated next, and then M rated.

But We Can Try by hetrez (complete | 10,567 | G )

Bucky said, “These are love letters, Rogers. You’ve been drawing me love letters.”

naturalization status by silentwalrus (complete | 807 | G )

The official press briefing on the apprehension of the DC14 assailant draws quite the crowd, and not just because Captain America is there.

Steve, Bucky, and the Tinhat Collective by mypedia (complete | 7,039 | G )

The internet and the Avengers fandom react to the events of Civil War.

***

avengers-daily:

How do they get 200% more attractive when they’re covered in dirt

2554 notes

Mistake on the Part of Nature by idiopathicsmile (complete | 1,274 | T )

Steve takes in Bucky’s betrayed look and Sam’s confusion, follows Sam’s gaze to the pile of mangled fruit in the trash can. Sudden comprehension fills his face.

“Oh,” he says. “Bucky found out about bananas.”

In which an American icon is mourned. But probably not the one you’re thinking of.

tin soldiers by idrilka (complete | 19,743 | T )

In his 2009 book on Captain America comic books, war photography, and American propaganda, Everett claims: “There is nothing to suggest that either the graphic novels issued during the war or the photographs taken during Rogers’ stay with the Howling Commandos can serve as a basis for a queer reading of Rogers and Barnes’ relationship. But even more importantly, there is nothing to suggest that such a relationship ever existed in the first place, and as such, those queer readings are not only misguided, but also libelous” (197).

[from: Lynn E. Anderson, Captain America: Behind the Mask. Steve Rogers and the Contemporary Hero Narrative (New York: Palgrave Macmillan, 2012), p. 242.]

In the aftermath of Steve’s return to the world of the living and the battle of New York, the academia and the Internet react.

A Precarious, Fragile Thing by Taste_is_Sweet (complete | 6,961 | T )

“I didn’t know he did that,” Tony said. He knew Bucky liked tucking himself so far under Steve’s arm that it was like he was trying to climb into his armpit. But he’d always stayed upright, just kind of plastering himself against Steve’s side. This blanket thing was new.

“Seventy years of skin hunger,” Steve said. His voice was just as soft, but for a moment his eyes flickered hot with anger, bright as the candy-colored screen. “He was always tactile. Now, when things get…well, sometimes it helps. The contact.”

And it looked…nice, the two of them together like that: Comfortable. Familiar. Safe. Tony knew what a precarious, fragile thing it was, to feel safe in the middle of the night.

White (Boi) Wolf by Lasgalendil (complete | 3,323 | T )

The one where Shuri sciences the shit out of everything and adopts a puppy—er, sad disgruntled POW in desperate need of a snarky little sister and an upgrade.

(Or, Shuri lends a hand.)

Count the Rings Around My Eyes by caughtinanocean (complete | 2,630 | T )

In the wake of his time with Arnim Zola, Bucky doesn’t trust anyone to tend his wounds—Steve, however, is not just anyone.

“I know it ain’t as nice as what you see in the mirror, Cap, but that’s not the sort of reaction a guy likes when he strips,” he quipped, face still covered by fabric that had once been white (before all the dried blood and sweat).

“Sorry, Buck.” Steve tossed the shirt out of the way. “Just, I know I owe you a lot of taking care of, but did you have to get it all outta the way in one go?”

Who Let You In?* by birdbrains (complete | 19,635 | T ) *consent issues due to past brainwashing which are eventually resolved

“Is he here?” Sam asked.“I don’t know,” said Steve. “I’m—hey, Bucky, are you here? Can you hear me?”“Or whatever you prefer to be called,” Sam put in.“Yeah,” Steve said. “It’s me, that dumb guy with all the problems? Remember me?”

Slow Work by lorata (complete | 81,114 | T )

It’s 2011, men are allowed to marry, and Bucky is dead.

The future isn’t all that’s strange. Together in peacetime for the first time since before Steve took the serum, Steve and Bucky struggle to find their place – and each other – in the middle of a new millennium, new bodies, and new dynamics.

Or, just because you wake up in a century where everything you’ve repressed is magically okay, that doesn’t make it easy.

The Diaries of Bucky Barnes by afterlifeoftheparty (complete | 15,208 | T )

“This young soldier was writing about war, but not only that. No, the most remarkable extracts from his diaries are the ones about emotions; those passages in which he writes about loss and pain and loyalty and love.”

When Bucky Barnes’ diaries are leaked in the 70s, reactions vary from one thing to another, even decades later.

Blood* by leveragehunters (Monkeygreen) (complete | 45,682 | T ) *fantasy AU

In a world where magic is as commonplace as electricity, HYDRA worships a god who craves order through death. They used His blood to create fierce Soldiers then enslaved them by chaining their souls.

The man who was James Barnes is the last Soldier, the rest having been put down after succumbing to the call of the Blood. One night, out of control after a mission, the increasingly unstable Soldier runs into Steve Rogers. Instead of being turned into a red smear on the ground, Steve successfully talks him down. HYDRA decides to keep him. The Soldier’s the last one they’ve got; if Steve can keep him calm he’s going to do it whether he likes it or not.

Like fractious racehorses have companion goats, they hand Steve off to the Soldier as a kind of pet. But studies have shown pets can ease depression, despair and loneliness, lead to an increased sense of safety and well-being, and provide a source of protection and unconditional love. HYDRA really should have reviewed the literature before they decided to give Steve to the Soldier. Especially since, once Steve Rogers is involved, protectiveness can get slightly out of hand.

United States v. Barnes, 617 F. Supp. 2d 143 (D.D.C. 2015) byfallingvoices, radialarch (complete | 20,605 | T )

The Associated Press @APWinter Soldier set to stand trial for Washington D.C. massacre and treason apne.ws/1og6SWE

the inaccuracy of historical wartime dramas by Mici (noharlembeat) (complete | 3,039 | M )

There was nothing wrong with Howling Commandos, not really. It was new and shiny, made only six months before Steve woke up and on the brink of cancellation until it was announced that Captain America was found, at which point ratings skyrocketed. Steve would have heard of the series, except that he was too busy figuring out his phone, handling alien invasions, and battling crippling depression (that he would not admit to anyone, even himself). The result was that 25 episodes later, Howling Commandos was the most popular television shows about the war on the planet, with a loyal following, and Steve was almost totally oblivious.

(or: Steve has feelings, and shouldn’t ever watch television)

i heard love is blind by girl0nfire (complete | 1,159 | M )

Steve keeps bringing home guys that look like Bucky; Bucky keeps bringing home guys that look like Steve. Sam just wants to drink his coffee in peace. (Guest appearances by nearly every character Sebastian Stan and Chris Evans have ever played. Really.)

winter wheat, sunflower peat by newsbypostcard (complete | 25,284 | M )

In the dead of the night, a man pulls over for a hitchhiker.

i was found and now i don’t roam these streets by hipsterchrist (complete | 15,613 | M )

They’ve decided to start producing Bucky Bears again, now that he’s all shiny and redeemed and fighting for good on this big Avengers misfits team. “He has a little shiny gray arm,” Bucky says, wiggling the stuffed arm in question, one of the tweaks made in the new model. It takes Steve a second to realize that Bucky’s got a small smile on his face, actually looks a little bit proud around the eyes.

Or, Bucky relearns himself and how to be on a team, the rest of the Avengers try to get answers, and everyone watches too much Criminal Minds.

New Tricks by OddityBoddity (complete | 18,520 | M )

The one where Bucky busts up a dog-fighting ring.

Don’t Ask* by AnnaFugazzi (complete | 21,491 | M ) *period typical attitudes ; canonical character “death”

Captain America and Bucky Barnes were like brothers. Everyone knew that.

#anonymous #rating:G #rating:PG13 #rating:R #status:complete #mod iamnmbr3

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orbemnews · 4 years ago

Link

Seeking answers, Cerro Gordo family unravels web of autopsy fraud allegations The Ochoa family was still reeling from the Christmastime loss of its patriarch when members found themselves entangled in a scandal involving the man they trusted to tell them why Mario Ochoa Sr. had died. In early December 2018, Mario Ochoa Sr. was hospitalized with an infection. Four days into his stay, Mario’s health took a fatal turn. The 68-year-old husband to Jean and father to Mario Jr., Andrea, Jessica, and Erica died on Dec. 19. The Ochoa siblings hold a photo album containing pictures of their family and late father Mario Ochoa Sr. Lisa Grouette The family hired a private company to conduct an autopsy. But when communication with the examiner hired to perform Mario’s autopsy fell off, the Ochoa siblings turned to the internet for help. “I started emailing him and never got a (reply), never got returned phone calls, I left messages,” Mario’s daughter Jessica Read said. “We just kind of got ghosted,” daughter Erica Ochoa added. “That’s when Erica kind of took over and started doing some investigating on her own,” Jessica said. The family quickly discovered the examiner, “Professor Lynn” Shawn Lynn Parcells with National Autopsy Services out of Kansas, wasn’t who he said he was. The more the Ochoas dug, the more stories they uncovered. Through their research, they were connected with Illinois attorney Craig Sandberg, who took on the family’s case. Alongside the Ochoas’ suit, Sandberg is handling lawsuits against Parcells and National Autopsy Services for five other families in California, Tennessee, and Michigan. The sheer number of other complaints against “Professor Lynn” left the family wondering: How could this man get away with allegedly defrauding so many people without being caught? WORST-CASE SCENARIO On Dec. 2, 2018, Mario Ochoa Sr. was admitted to MercyOne North Iowa Medical Center for treatment of an infection for which antibiotics didn’t seem to be working. Later that week, a MercyOne employee gave Mario an injection of the medication Haldol Decanoate. The drug, which was prescribed to Mario for its sedative properties, was ordered to be given by intravenous drip, as an injection into the muscular tissue can produce blood clots and life-threatening side effects. Within hours of receiving the injection, Mario began to show stroke-like symptoms, slumping to one side and unable to follow commands. His condition deteriorated to the point that he was moved to the intensive care unit and placed on a ventilator. Mario’s condition never improved, leaving the family with the difficult task of seeking end-of-life care for him at MercyOne Hospice. Six days before Christmas, Mario Ochoa died. The family has since named MercyOne in a malpractice lawsuit filed by Iowa-based attorney Brian Galligan. A spokesperson for MercyOne said the organization had no comment on the matter. A jury trial is not slated to begin until March of 2023. Following Mario’s death, the family said they immediately requested an autopsy. Unable to have an examination completed at the hospital, they reached out to an attorney who recommended they contact Kansas-based private examiner “Professor Lynn,” who operated National Autopsy Services. Lynn collected a fee of $3,300 from the Ochoas and traveled to Clear Lake to perform an exam on Mario’s body, promising the family delivery of a completed report within 90 to 120 days. When the deadline passed and the Ochoas were unable to reach Lynn or anyone with National Autopsy Services, Erica began digging into Professor Lynn’s history. One of the first things she found was that there was no real “Professor Lynn.” Rather, the moniker belonged to a man named Shawn Lynn Parcells, who is not a professor, but who’d simply given himself that title. Erica and Jessica both said the first they’d heard the name Shawn Parcells was after Erica began looking into the autopsy service. Along with the professional pseudonym, Erica also found a host of complaints against Parcells and his company. Parcells, who is not a licensed medical practitioner, is able to legally perform exams and tissue extractions in many states, including Iowa, but is required by most states to be under the direct supervision of a licensed pathologist. According to the Ochoas’ lawsuit, Parcells sidestepped the state’s requirement and completed the examination and tissue extraction on Mario’s body on his own at a local funeral home. Support Local Journalism Your membership makes our reporting possible. featured_button_text ON THE RADAR The employment of private pathology services is not uncommon. Such services can be used in criminal investigations, as well as by families who are seeking a neutral opinion after a loved one dies under questionable circumstances. Private pathologists are also contracted by state and local governments that may not have access to timely autopsy services due to budget cuts or staff shortages. Shawn Parcells discusses the results of the independent autopsy of Michael Brown during a 2014 press conference at Greater St. Mark’s Family Church in Ferguson. Cristina Fletes-Boutte, St. Louis Post-Dispatch Parcells’ work had been in the viewfinder of skeptical peers for some time. In a 2013 article, the St. Louis Post-Dispatch revealed a number of accounts in which Parcells is said to have engaged in fraudulent practices, including forging a doctor’s signature on a medical report that was to have been used in one court case, and misrepresenting a doctor’s participation in an exam, forcing prosecutors to drop charges against a murder suspect. In 2014, Parcells vaulted into public view nationwide when he assisted in the autopsy of Michael Brown, a Black man whose killing by police in Ferguson, Missouri, incited a period of heavy protesting and social unrest. A few months later, CNN reported a number of inaccuracies in Parcells’ purported background and gave the account of a widow who claimed to have been scammed after paying for autopsy services for her husband. According to research of court records done by the Globe Gazette, Parcells’ career dates back to 1996, when he began a seven-year stint as assistant in the Jackson County Medical Examiner’s office in Missouri. He started his own pathology company in 2009, and worked until spring of 2019 when the evidence uncovered in an investigation into Parcells’ business prompted the Kansas Attorney General to issue an order immediately the halting company’s operations. An investigation in 2017 conducted by the Kansas AG’s Consumer Protection Division links Parcells to over a dozen fraudulent acts, including collecting over $16,000 in fees from Wabaunsee County for services he didn’t have the authority to provide. Additional criminal charges filed against Parcells by the state of Kansas include felony theft and felony desecration of a body. NOW A FEDERAL CASE Neither the Kansas attorney general nor the FBI, to whom the Kansas AG referred the Globe Gazette for questions, would answer questions about how Parcells came under federal scrutiny. But in November 2020, he was indicted on federal charges. Prosecutors say Parcells defrauded 350 victims from all over the United States who paid him for unfulfilled, incomplete, or illegally performed autopsies between 2016 and 2019, all while collecting over $1 million in fees. Shawn Parcells describes his organ-logging process at his morgue in Topeka, Kansas, in this undated photo. Susan Weich St. Louis Post-Dispatch News media has highlighted Parcells’ unorthodox handling of autopsies. A Kansas City television station video from 2019, in which Parcells invited a reporter to tour his lab, shows a cluttered workspace with clusters of plastic containers apparently containing human remains sitting out, unrefrigerated. In the video, the cameraperson was asked not to film an unrefrigerated, uncovered body that was pushed off to one side of the lab. CNN reported in 2014 that after a widow implied in a lawsuit that Parcells had lost or destroyed the brain of her husband, Parcells brought a bucket containing an organ to a deposition and showed it to the woman’s attorney as proof the brain was still in his possession. With licensure requirements and protocols varying by state, the world of forensics and pathology goes largely unregulated. While there is accreditation available through the National Association of Medical Examiners and the American Board of Pathology, neither organization provides consumer-protecting oversight. Rather, they serve most generally as resources for licensed individuals, who must adhere to a set of ethics and standards in order to maintain their status with the respective institutes. According to the Iowa State Medical Examiner’s Office, the practice of performing an autopsy in Iowa is not regulated by any state-sanctioned governing body. A Centers for Disease Control Public Health Law publication lists the state of Kansas as having no designated medical examiner at all, resigning its individual counties to establish their own offices, or to rely on private practices like Parcells’ to handle autopsies and related services. Parcells is slated to next appear in federal court for a case status update in June. Though the criminal and civil charges have piled up against Parcells, many affected families are still left with no idea where the tissues and organs of their loved ones are, nor answers as to what caused their deaths. The Ochoas are still grieving the loss of Mario, and are still shaken by their experience with Parcells. “Finding out the stuff that I did (about Parcells), I had trouble with that,” Erica said. “It left me with stuff that I can’t talk about. “My mom — this is very, very difficult for her — she can’t even think about it,” Erica said. “It brings up the feeling of when she lost her husband,” Jessica added. “That’s kind of why Erica has kind of taken charge; she knows our mother is not going to. [Erica’s] definitely put in the work, and we all appreciate that, because — it’s a lot.” Lisa Grouette is a Photographer and Reporter for the Globe Gazette. You can reach her at 641-421-0525 or [email protected]. Follow Lisa on Twitter @LisaGrouette Get local news delivered to your inbox! Source link Orbem News #allegations #answers #autopsy #Cerro #Family #Fraud #full-longform #Gordo #marioochoa #ochoa #parcells #professorlynn #seeking #Shawn #shawnparcells #unravels #web

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teacherintransition · 4 years ago

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The Facebook Dilemma

... not just for the transitioning teacher, but for all of us...

...like most well intentioned possibilities on the internet, it can take a wrong turn.

In 2009, I was 43 and was intrigued by this new “product...service” you could find online called Facebook. There was a lot of buzz about it among friends I knew and my interest was piqued. For a Gen X’er, I had stayed more than just current on computer and internet advancements as I had written a curriculum and taught a course on “How to do Academic Research using the Internet.” A couple of college campuses had approached our school with a dilemma: many high graduates weren’t able to transfer what they knew about hard copy, old school, going through the stacks research to using online resources. I’d taught the class since 2003 and had already been exposed to the burgeoning world of “social media” from my students. Six Degrees, Are You (Hot of Not), Friendster, Xanga, MySpace and several others and all to a 40 something... they seemed too cheesy, too much for the teens and not comfortable for my generation. Then in 2009, I came across this new site called Facebook, silly me... it had loaded its platform and had been online since 2004. It seemed a bit more toned down than the others and I’d discovered that some of my high school classmates were already using it. “What the hell,” let’s give it a shot and I set up my Facebook account ... it seemed harmless.

At first, FB was a blast, I reconnected with friends I hadn’t seen in years, the groups on music and Art were addictive, there were fun games to play... it was an honest online, social media blast and it was user friendly, checking it became part of the daily routine. Like the ancient adage goes, “nothing good can last forever.” Soon, politics, biased news, divisive debate, spying, cheeky algorithms turned what had been a fun pastime into another area for the uniquely American “culture wars.” The same reconnected friendships became casualties on the battlefield, “gotcha” videos were everywhere, Fact-checking was a needed weapon... and it just wasn’t fun. Wishing Happy Birthday or sending sympathy for losses became a cold, mechanical process void of genuine feeling. A friend of ours had said while we were all having dinner that our generation was going to be the experiment subject for this. Generation X was the last one that grew up without wide spread computer usage or without the internet, but had adapted to it much, much better than Boomers. Millennials got exposed to internet and cell phones at the beginning of their teen years and the new guys, “Gen Z” are born with an IP address and a cellular plan. To all too many people I know, social media is more designed to develop angina than friendships.

Social media and a retiring “teacher in transition,” how does it fit during the daily routine of retirement? Well, like most things it’s as varied as the individual in question. My friend who astutely remarked that we were the experiment subjects of this trend had no doubt arrived at a conclusion for those of us who grew up tech free but quickly adopted for work and leisure... I know I have. Using Occam’s Razor in scientific evaluation, I’ve come to the conclusion that life, in general, was better without the pervasive use of technology in our lives. Life lacks a genuine quality and sense of independence during this age of internet everything. I’d rather call a person and wish them happy birthday that use an app; I’d rather spend my time just thinking to myself than have my thinking provided to me via algorithms, I’d rather be more self reliant than have to rely on Siri or Alexa telling when to turn left. C’est la vie... it is what it is, but I am able to put all of this to work for me in specialized ways since I’ve retired. Being able to easily share and post my writing allows me access to an audience that wouldn’t have existed before. These media platforms also grant me a web venue to share and market my Art to a vast online audience which would have been impossible to achieve in previous eras. The internet age also provides a magnificent way to satisfy my travel urges between trips, by being able to virtually visits cities and countries I long to visit and revisit in the interim. We human beings tend to jump into trends whole hog and then after the fact revisit the wise advice of “everything in moderation.” True, true, truer words were ne’er spoken. All this being said, O’ wise teacher in transition, how doth we interact with yon social media upon retirement?

As stated early in this column, this would be the ramblings of a mid fifty retiree finding his way through the challenges of adapting to a new way of living. Some of my “pearls of wisdom” some might find helpful; others, not so much. These observations are mine and not mandatory. I do hope some might find these helpful. Sigh... in regards to Facebook or internet usage in general for the newly retired, I’d suggest limiting it to the smallest degree possible. I envision legions of readers hearing my declaration standing up and crying, “huzzah, huzzah, huzzah” followed by cellphones and iPads being cast in to raging flames followed by the chanting of my name! Ahh, the blessings of a vivid imagination. I suggest this for several reasons, mind you I didn’t suggest total withdrawal, but a moderate to strong decrease in usage. One of the criticisms of Gen Z is their sedentary lifestyle while focusing on texting, gaming, trolling etc etc .... in other words, these young people spend so much time on line they are getting overweight instead of getting out and active IRL ( hipster, techie acronym for In Real Life). If it not a good idea for kids from the ages of 10-25 to sit on their asses all day, it certainly isn’t a good idea for those of us experiencing a mature quality of life (you like that huh? sounds a whole lot better than saying “getting old”). While being online... time can get lost ... and a day waisted and a waistline enlarged. Might I suggest limiting yourself to a few specific times where you check your email, peruse social media, play games ... what have you. I’ve remarked often that a structured day during retirement is a great way to chase your dreams and goals. That doesn’t usually happen sitting on a padded desk chair all day staring at a screen.

I strongly advise that you carefully research the most reliable news organizations based on accuracy and lack of bias and review them periodically during the day. The 24 hour news cycle, breaking reports, obscene bias in news reporting has become a scourge to all areas of society for the last twenty years. It has divided our nation to an unhealthy point amongst all demographics in our country. Inappropriate visuals, doctored photos, deep fake videos and out right deception can really shake up a peaceful mindset. I’m not suggesting abandoning online news at all, but be more discriminating of the sources that don’t sensationalize stories. You’re at a point in life to relax and enjoy peace of mind... make sure you do. Fill your time with what’s in front of you IRL .... not on a screen. Whether we are fifteen to 50 to 80, our time in this world is limited, don’t obsess over things you can’t control; “joie de vie” “la dolce vita” not doom and gloom.

In my mind, try to limit your online time to interests and hobbies that are personally yours. Give your time online a purpose: are you learning the guitar?...then pick some sites that develop that interest. While on Facebook limit your group memberships to interests that enrich you as a person with diverse pursuits. Goof off time is essential to having a peaceful retirement.... but to maintain an active lifestyle, make certain that most of your time has a purpose. No ... not like “working” but determined by the passions of your heart. While there are many ill advised sites on the internet, it was originally intended to enrich us and extend our knowledge. Do it!

“If there is nothing good about Facebook or social media, why do you still use it ...huh?” I’m not implying that it is totally without merit. AsI hoped I tried to state, moderation, the most un American of words is essential to anything we do. I’ll draw this examination to a close by sharing what I think is the most valuable aspect that I derive from Facebook: photographs and the memories option. The daily memories page offered is something I look forward to every morning. It’s is a personal journey through what was on my mind and of interest to me over the years. It takes me back to a moment in time to what I was thinking, feeling and gives me a chance to see how my life has changed over the years. You are afforded the opportunity to see if you’ve grown as a person and what events had enough of an impact for you to post it. It can make joys and sorrows live again momentarily and appreciate the life you have lived. Just remember... living online is not really living. Use these amazing advancements to enhance your life .... not be the direction of it. Just some random thoughts from a teacher in transition.

http://labibliotecacoffee.com/

Facebook Photo; https://www.businessnewsdaily.com/7761-facebook-business-guide.html; 2021

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jrmartindesigns · 4 years ago

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Millions of Americans can’t get broadband

hen Kathi Shorey moved to a rural region of western Maine about 40 years ago, she knew she was giving up some comforts of life in the Boston suburbs. Her new home of Sweden, located 47 miles from Portland, didn’t have big box retailers or major universities, and its population of about 400 people could all fit into a single city apartment building.

Shorey never anticipated that decades later, her chosen home would make it impossible for her to work remotely and stay connected during a global pandemic — all because her internet service is too slow to reliably get online.

“Never did I think the digital divide would be so unfair,” Shorey said during a conversation on her landline phone, the only reliable way for her to communicate when she’s at home.

The registered nurse, who now teaches a nurse’s aid class, gets, at best, 3 Mbps download speeds through her service, far below the FCC’s broadband definition of 25 Mbps — a level itself that’s viewed as outdated and inadequate for today’s needs. Shorey can’t watch Netflix, and her internet is too slow for her to take classes to maintain her nursing license. Even more worrisome is Shorey’s inability to broadcast video to her nurse’s aid students while the novel coronavirus pandemic forces classes to take place remotely over Zoom.

“The issues I’m having are pretty horrific for this century,” Shorey said. “I can’t show students any video, and they have to turn off their video to hear me. I run around my house and shut off the two phones we have, and my iPad and my home computer … just so I can get a connection.”

For Shorey, the problem goes beyond just lack of internet. Inaccurate information about what service is available at her address limits the public funding providers can receive to improve their networks in her area. According to the US Federal Communications Commission’s national broadband map, which tracks internet availability, Charter Communications could provide nearly gig-speed internet access at Shorey’s home, while Consolidated Communications — her current provider — and satellite companies ViaSat and Hughes Network Systems could supply access at about broadband speeds. That conclusion is riddled with inaccuracies.

“I can’t get anything more than 3 Mbps whether I want to pay for it or not,” Shorey said.

Her story isn’t rare. Millions of Americans around the country lack access to fast internet at home, a need that’s become especially critical over the past year as the COVID-19 pandemic forced everything from family gatherings to classes and business meetings to go online. But even as President Joe Biden pushes an ambitious $20 billion plan on top of billions of dollars in funding already earmarked for unserved communities, a fundamental flaw remains in not knowing where the problems lie. The faulty FCC national broadband map has essentially made millions of Americans without fast internet “invisible,” as Microsoft put it, and unless the data improve, they’re likely to remain so.

“You cannot manage what you do not measure,” acting FCC Chairwoman Jessica Rosenworcel said in late January. “But for too long, the FCC has lacked the data it needs about precisely where service is and is not throughout the country.”

Why millions of Americans still lack broadband at a time when it’s no longer optional16:00 WATCH NOW

There’s reason to be hopeful. Thanks to $65 million in funding from Congress in December, the FCC now will require internet service providers to share more detailed data, giving a better picture of what areas are unserved by broadband. It will also have to open the map to public feedback, letting people flag when something is wrong and providing more data points on gaps. On Wednesday at the agency’s monthly meeting, Rosenworcel launched a new task force to fix the data, saying “it’s no secret that the FCC’s existing broadband maps leave a lot to be desired.”

But some experts say the new mapping parameters still aren’t granular enough, and the new maps almost certainly will arrive too late to help people during the pandemic. The updated data likely won’t be available until at least next year, the Broadband Data Task Force’s chair, Jean Kiddoo, acknowledged Wednesday. Many regions of the US can’t wait that long.

“Nobody wants to overbuild, and everybody only wants to serve the unserved,” says Peggy Schaffer, director of the ConnectMaine Authority, the state’s effort to bridge its digital divide. “But we, quite frankly, have no idea who they are.”

Unwilling to wait for the federal government, Maine, Pennsylvania, Georgia and other states have set out to build their own maps, drawing on speed test data, specific information from ISPs about what homes they serve, and other resources to find out where their gaps are.

The FCC’s effort is, however, a step in the right direction in addressing a problem that has grown in severity over the last quarter century.

Faulty maps

The broadband mapping problem goes back to the early days of the internet, when the Telecommunications Act of 1996 required the FCC to collect semiannual data from providers about which ZIP codes they serviced. But the agency didn’t publicly disclose the internet service providers in each area.

Thirteen years later, the government tried to make the information more transparent. A provision of the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act of 2009, signed by President Barack Obama, mandated the development of a National Broadband Plan and the creation of a US broadband map by mid-February 2011.

To build the map, internet service providers twice a year give the FCC what’s called Form 477 data that details coverage areas and speeds. But the FCC doesn’t check the data; it just relies on the ISPs to report accurate information. And the speeds that service providers list are what their advertised maximum speeds are, not necessarily the everyday reality. Pricing data is kept confidential, which means broadband speeds may be available but at very high rates.

The FCC’s broadband map overstates the number of Americans with fast internet at home. FCC

An even bigger issue: If even one home in a census block — the smallest geographic area used by the US Census Bureau — can get broadband service, the entire area is considered served. In rural areas, that home may be the only place with internet service for miles around. And the data only shows places service providers could provide broadband within 10 business days of a request, not areas that are actually connected. As of the 2010 census, there were 11.2 million census blocks in the US. By comparison, there are an estimated 150 million parcels — the way land is divided for taxes — in the country.

“Census blocks in America are highly irregular in terms of size and shape,” said Tyler Cooper, editor-in-chief of internet service data tracker BroadbandNow. “It could be a single city block in urban areas or dozens of square miles in a rural area. … You have this vast issue of overreporting happening.”

Accepting an ISP’s data without checking it can be problematic. Barrier Communications, a New York-based ISP that does business as BarrierFree, submitted data for 2019’s broadband report that said it provided speedy internet coverage for nearly 20% of the US population. That would make it the fourth largest US service provider in terms of people covered despite being in business only about six months. The FCC accepted that information without checking it. It was only after nonprofit Free Press pointed out the “implausible” nature of the claims that the FCC revised its figures on the number of Americans covered by broadband.

The flawed maps have presented a big problem as governments try to distribute broadband funding. If a census block is considered covered by the FCC map, it’s not eligible for federal assistance. That’s particularly worrisome as the US distributes billions through the Rural Digital Opportunity Fund, which the FCC has called its “largest investment ever to close [the] digital divide.”https://ift.tt/3pKlkJy

A year ago, the FCC approved the disbursement of $20.4 billion to ensure that residents in rural areas of the US have access to broadband internet connections. The funding will be allocated over the next 10 years to broadband providers, cable providers, wireless companies and electric co-ops to build access to unserved Americans. At the time, two of the five agency commissioners, including Rosenworcel, dissented in part to the plan because it relies on what they and many others in the country have determined to be faulty data. Those bad maps have led to issues with RDOF.

“We shouldn’t be surprised, in some ways, that parties are already raising some instances where mapping related problems are arising in RDOF in the phase one results,” FCC Commissioner Geoffrey Starks said Wednesday.

There’s also a massive lag between when the data is submitted and when the public sees it. The latest FCC data, published the day before Biden’s inauguration, compiles data provided through the end of 2019. It found that fewer than 14.5 million Americans — or 4.4% of the population — lack access to fixed broadband, which is defined as download speeds of 25 Mbps and upload speeds of 3 Mbps. The previous year, 18.1 million Americans didn’t have access to broadband at home.

“Since 2016, the number of Americans living in rural areas lacking access to 25/3 Mbps service has fallen more than 46%,” the FCC said in its report. “As a result, the rural-urban divide is rapidly closing.”

The FCC also said the entire US population has access to broadband internet when satellite service is included — an idea that broadband experts describe as laughable.

In reality, the FCC has been dramatically underestimating the number of people without broadband access for years, something Congress and even the FCC itself have acknowledged time and time again.

SEE ALSO

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In remote Alaska, broadband for all remains a dream. So a school district got creative

As COVID-19 ravages the world, closing the digital divide is more critical than ever

How faster internet is being blocked by politics and poverty throughout the eastern US

Microsoft over the past couple of years has looked at how quickly people across the US download its software and security updates as a way to quantify how many have speedy internet access. In December, it said that about 157.3 million people in the US, or 48% of the population, don’t use the internet at broadband speeds. And BroadbandNow, which tracks internet service and pricing by combining Form 477 data with other sources, a year ago estimated that at least 42 million, or 13% of the population, didn’t have broadband at all, double the FCC’s declaration at the time.

“Right now we’re in this bizarre situation where even though we know — we know — that there’s something dreadfully awry with our broadband [data collection], as a matter of national policy dating back 15 years, we simply refuse to collect the information that would explicate that,” said Sascha Meinrath, a broadband data expert who serves as director of X-Lab, a future-focused technology policy and innovation think tank, and holds the endowed Palmer Chair in Telecommunications at Penn State University.

Getting more granular

In August 2019, the FCC adopted rules for collecting more detailed information on where ISPs provide coverage and where they do not as part of its Digital Opportunity Data Collection process. But it wasn’t moving fast enough for Congress — or the constituents who have complained loudly and frequently. Nearly a year later, President Donald Trump signed the Broadband DATA Act to order the FCC to collect the more “granular, precise coverage data.” Still, the data collection process faced even more delays, largely because then-Chairman Ajit Pai said the FCC didn’t have the funds to carry out the act. Congress finally allocated $65 million for mapping as part of December’s COVID-19 relief bill.

What the FCC now will do is require more precise data from broadband service providers in the form of “shapefiles.” Instead of giving information at the census block level, the ISPs will give more detailed measurements through “polygons” that are overlaid on census blocks to depict the areas where broadband-capable networks exist.

“We will no longer count everyone in the census block as served if just one person is served,” Pai said when unveiling the new mapping plan in August 2019.The states are the ones who are innovating on this. We know we can’t wait for the feds to fix it. We waited, we’re done, so we’re moving. Peggy Schaffer, director of the ConnectMaine Authority, the state’s effort to bridge its digital divide

The shapefile plan is something that ISPs championed, and it solves the problem of overstating coverage, said Steven Morris, vice president and deputy general counsel at NCTA-The Internet & Television Association. The group, formerly known as the National Cable & Telecommunications Association, represents the country’s biggest cable providers like Comcast and programmers like AMC Networks, and it’s one of the most influential lobbying groups in America.

While the shapefiles will be more granular, they’re still not down to the address level. The FCC proposed that before, but it’s something ISPs have successfully fought. In 2017, the NCTA said providing street address-level data would cause its members to incur “significant costs,” while Verizon argued it would create “large and unjustified burdens” on providers. This time around, ISPs can share address-level data with the FCC, but it’s not a requirement.

“It’s hard to do in a way that’s as accurate as doing the shapefile,” Morris said. If a provider is greatly expanding its network, it could inadvertently undercount the addresses it serves, he said, while construction of new homes could also impact the accuracy.

Along with more granular data, the FCC also must create a way to gather public feedback on whether their homes and businesses are covered or not. Today, consumers have no official recourse when their homes are listed as covered but actually aren’t. The new crowdsourcing method is expected to help check the data given by ISPs.

“It’s not just relying on what industry tells it,” said Gigi Sohn, an FCC staffer from 2013 to 2016 under Chairman Tom Wheeler and current distinguished fellow at Georgetown Law Institute for Technology Law & Policy. A common criticism about the new plan is that it still relies too much on what ISPs are willing to give, instead of requiring even more granular information and data about pricing.

Problems remain

While the maps may be better than what came before, they likely will still not be enough to truly give an accurate picture of where broadband exists, experts say.

The FCC still hasn’t “gotten rid of the ‘could provide service’ versus ‘does provide service,'” Sohn said. That hides areas where people may be disconnected for affordability reasons or other factors that contribute to the digital divide.

Under the new rules, ISPs can only count an area as covered if it could set up a connection within 10 business days of a customer’s request and without requiring resources or construction costs higher than an ordinary service activation fee. In the previous rules, a service provider could — and did — charge people thousands of dollars to extend service to their homes, even if the official broadband map showed service was available there.

Steve Alexander’s vacation home in Maryland lacked broadband internet — until he and a colleague paid to wire their homes. Getty Images

That happened to Annapolis, Maryland-based Steve Alexander in the early days of the pandemic. The chief technology officer of Ciena, a telecom equipment and software provider, wanted to spend more time at his vacation home on the Eastern Shore of Maryland, but there was just one problem — internet was virtually nonexistent, despite the FCC data saying broadband was available. Alexander’s DSL connection was too slow for him and a colleague who lived nearby to work from home, and a local ISP said it would cost $25,000 to $30,000 to extend service to their addresses.

Alexander ended up lucking out when a local power company dug trenches to make repairs. He convinced it to dig to his location and that of his colleague, which allowed the cable company to install fiber. But none of that was free. It still cost them both about $5,000 to $7,000 apiece, Alexander said.

“I never felt the maps were accurate in terms of real availability,” he said. “Would a normal homeowner be able to order a service based on that map and be guaranteed to get delivery? The answer is no.”

At the same time, the FCC is only requiring information about broadband availability at homes and businesses, not anchor institutions like schools, libraries, health care facilities, public housing community centers and houses of worship. While the FCC in 2010 issued a goal for all anchor institutions to have gigabit-speed connectivity by 2020, the country fell short of that goal, said John Windhausen Jr., executive director of the Schools, Health & Libraries Broadband Coalition, a public interest group.

“Even worse, we don’t even know how far away from the goal we are,” he said. “We’re not collecting the info that would tell us how fast we have to go and how much investment we need to make to get gigabit connectivity.” The new mapping plan doesn’t change that. Never did I think the digital divide would be so unfair. Kathi Shorey, a registered nurse and nurse’s aid instructor living without broadband internet in Maine

Still, the polygon shapefiles could give a better view of connectivity in agricultural areas, says Dan Leibfried, director of automation and autonomy at Deere and a member of the FCC’s task force for precision agriculture connectivity. That will be key as farming becomes even more technology- and data- driven than it is today.

“If you really want the world’s leading agricultural industry, you have to solve for this digital divide … to give customers the best opportunity to make decisions in real time,” he said. “I would love to see it solved yesterday.”

Getting even better data

While nearly everyone agrees the FCC’s current maps are bad, some researchers have tried to quantify just how inaccurate they can be. Meinrath and a team sought to show the gaps in Pennsylvania using speed tests. Along with his role at the university, Meinrath is also co-founder of Measurement Labs, an open-source network performance project. When someone Googles “speed test,” the testing box that appears at the top of the results is powered by M-Lab technology.

While FCC maps in 2017 showed Pennsylvania was blanketed with broadband, over 11 million speed tests conducted by Meinrath and his team in 2018 found no county where at least 50% of the population had access to broadband. Because FCC maps rely on ISPs to self-report their coverage areas, there’s often overreporting.

“I want to force the ISPs to be accountable for what they themselves are reporting to the FCC,” he said. “That has to be the next step.”

Pennsylvania ended up putting together its own statewide map — taking into account ISP-provided data, FCC information and speed tests — to help providers apply for RDOF funding last year.

Pennsylvania built a detailed broadband map to identify where to steer funding for better coverage. Screenshot by Shara Tibken/CNET

Another group of academic researchers sought to quantify just how inaccurate FCC maps can sometimes be by looking at 4G LTE coverage in New Mexico, many parts of which are rural or include tribal lands. And they wanted to determine what data could be useful for figuring out gaps.

Instead of running speed tests, they partnered with Skyhook, a location data company, for what they called “incidental” data on where there was coverage and what the strength of the signal was. Skyhook’s technology runs in the background of popular apps — it doesn’t specify which ones but says they include programs like social media and location services — and measures where people are accessing those apps while going about their daily lives. It doesn’t track a connection’s speed but helps researchers know if a location has a 4G LTE signal at all.

“That’s really powerful because those are actual measurements,” said Elizabeth M. Belding, a computer science professor at the University of California in Santa Barbara and one of the authors of a new report on the findings.

The researchers compared the FCC’s data with that from Skyhook and then actually went to parts of New Mexico in May 2019 to run their own speed tests and see for themselves what the coverage is like. What they found is FCC data diverged from Skyhook information the most in rural and tribal areas, and the on-the-ground measurement also varied in some cases. In one example, FCC T-Mobile data showed coverage in 92% of tribal rural blocks, but Skyhook showed coverage in only 63% of the blocks, the researchers said in their report.

“The takeaway is that the quality of the data is very variable,” said Morgan Vigil-Hayes, an assistant professor of computer science at Northern Arizona University and one of the report’s authors. “They all have different benefits. … What we’ve shown is we can take [the FCC’s map] and use it as a starting point in combination with other data sets to be able to really identify where much more high-quality measurement needs to happen.”

Georgia turned to a different methodology to build a map that broadband expert Sohn called “the most granular in the nation.” After passing a law to keep ISP data confidential, it worked to gather information from the providers about the exact addresses they serve. But just having the ISP data of served locations and a list of all the other Enhanced 911 addresses wasn’t enough.

Georgia has built its own broadband maps using service provider data and address information from a real estate data company. The dark orange areas have broadband internet, the beige are unserved and gray areas are where there are no locations. Along with the full state view, Georgia offers a county broadband map. Screenshot by Shara Tibken/CNET

Georgia needed some way to know what unserved addresses were actually homes or businesses, not barns or other structures that didn’t need broadband. For that, the state worked with LightBox, a commercial real estate data provider that has information on all addresses in the US. ISPs provided Georgia with data on the locations they served, and the state then matched that with LightBox’s data to identify homes and businesses that didn’t have broadband.

“In order to get it at a granular level like we did, you do have to do this location-level approach,” said Deana Perry, executive director of the Georgia Broadband Deployment Initiative.

What Georgia ultimately found was that 507,000 locations, or 10% of homes and businesses, lack access to broadband, and in rural areas, about 30% of locations are unserved. The FCC, in its most recent report in January, said only 6.2% of Georgia locations didn’t have fixed broadband.

LightBox, meanwhile, has looked for ways to replicate Georgia’s granular map without getting data directly from service providers, CEO Eric Frank said. One method involved collecting telemetry data from cellphones to see if that could identify coverage gaps. While the information helped approximate broad coverage, “it’s not going to give you the precision” that you get by collecting address data directly from ISPs, Frank said.

“The most comprehensive way to do that is … somebody could say to an ISP, send us everything you’ve got, every address that you have in the United States,” he said. “It’s easy for us to take that file and load it into the system, then take the files from the other ISPs. … We can solve the United States in one shot.”

Holding out hope

Maine is counting on speed test data to pinpoint its unserved areas and allow it to direct funding to providers there. The week of Thanksgiving, it launched its statewide effort, encouraging consumers to run M-Lab speed tests from their homes as often as possible. Since then, nearly 17,000 people have taken its speed tests from over 13,000 unique locations.

Speed tests aren’t always useful for address-specific data but paint a picture of what an area looks like. The more tests, the better. Maine’s newest grants for unserved areas will be based on its new mapping effort. One of the four possible ways to determine if an area can get funding is if speed tests show it doesn’t have broadband.

Maine is using speed test data to figure out where gaps exist in its broadband coverage. Since the week of Thanksgiving, residents of the state — population 1.3 million — have taken nearly 17,000 tests. Screenshot by Shara Tibken/CNET

While it knows speed tests aren’t perfect, the data’s still better than what the FCC provides, said Schaffer, the head of Maine’s broadband efforts.

“The states are the ones who are innovating on this,” she says. “We know we can’t wait for the feds to fix it. We waited, we’re done, so we’re moving.”

As for Shorey, she’s anticipating her next call from Charter’s Spectrum, urging her to install its internet service at her home before it realizes she actually can’t. Her research into SpaceX’s Starlink service, which some believe can help connect remote parts of the US, hasn’t been reassuring so far. Connectivity through the low Earth orbit satellites costs $500 for equipment and $99 a month for the beta tests. Registering doesn’t guarantee service.

For now, Shorey’s best hope is for Consolidated to use Rural Digital Opportunity Fund money to upgrade the connectivity in her neighborhood.

Mike Schultz, senior vice president of regulatory affairs for Consolidated, said his company already has updated 760,000 rural locations to multi-gig fiber over the past few years. Consolidated now plans to upgrade another 1.6 million customer addresses in the US, or about 70% of its service area, and is counting on federal funding for assistance.

“We’re hopeful that the next phase of RDOF will help areas just like Sweden, Maine,” Schultz said in a statement.

For some of Consolidated’s customers, getting fiber could take five years. Maybe by then, the maps will catch up.

“I’ve been waiting 20 years for something to happen, and nothing has really happened,” Shorey said. “It’s not fair. It’s not OK to live in a place that doesn’t have adequate communication.”

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anayahinckley · 4 years ago

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livingcorner · 3 years ago

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Raised Bed Garden from A – Z | What to Know | joe gardener®

The raised beds at the Garden Farm

Are you building a raised bed garden, or are you looking to improve your raised bed crops? You have come to the right place.

You're reading: Raised Bed Garden from A – Z | What to Know | joe gardener®

Earlier this year, I invited my email group to send me any questions they would like me to answer on the topic of raised bed gardening. Little did I expect the flood of responses I received.

As a long-time raised bed gardener, I am thrilled to see how many of you are looking to start your raised beds for the very first time – and want to make sure you get off on the right foot. So many of you, too, have experience with raised bed gardening but have questions on how to improve your results. One thing is certain, the information available on the internet regarding materials, methods, risks, etc. – well, let’s just say it’s conflicting at best.

Joe Lamp’l is enjoying time (and a comfortable raised bed perch) on his GardenFarm.

My hope with this raised bed gardening series (and yes, so many questions to answer it’s morphed from one podcast to a series!) is to put that conflicting information, well, to bed for you. It’s my goal to answer all your questions from A to Z, planning to harvest and maintenance, starting with this first episode in this raised bed gardening series.

If you would like to join the conversation and contribute to future topics, click the red “Get Free Updates” button at the top of this page.

My Raised Bed Gardening Background

You might be feeling intimidated by the idea of building a raised bed garden. Believe me, I understand. I had been gardening all my life when, several years ago, I was selected to host the DIY Network television series, Fresh from the Garden.

Joe Lamp’l on the set of Fresh from the Garden in 2005.

The focus of the show was backyard food production in raised beds from seed to harvest. I was given free range on design, gardening methods – the whole deal. The only catch? Failure was not an option. Three years, two different locations, 52 episodes, and zero failures later, I attribute my gardening success in large part to all the practices that I will share with you in this series.

About 14 years have passed since Fresh from the Garden. Since then, I’ve designed and overseen many raised bed installations. My Growing a Greener World team and I have traveled all over the country and seen many raised bed garden setups. We’ve seen beds over concrete, lots of community gardens, just about everything. We’ve seen what works and what didn’t.

As part of the Growing a Greener World series, I built my GardenFarm and turned what was five acres of overgrown brush into a large, productive raised bed garden and developing landscape. Six seasons ago, I built the raised beds I now see from my office window. If you’re interested, I invite you to watch the episode on construction and see details of the design instructions I used for building raised beds at my GardenFarm, plus the raised bed diagram.

My garden area is above a septic drainage field. That’s one of the reasons I chose to use a raised bed approach and decided on an 18” height. Six seasons later, the gardens are beautiful, incredibly productive and a little easier to keep in “television-ready” shape.

Layout sketch of the GardenFarm raised bed set up during early planning.

The truth is, I feel that all these years televising my gardening techniques – regardless of the location – my garden has been … everybody’s garden. I’ve just been in charge of building and maintaining it. I’ve made plenty of mistakes and, like you, I never stop learning. I hope this series helps you get a head start.

Why Use Raised Garden Beds?

Raised beds provide you control over the health of the soil in which you are growing your plants. A raised garden bed is simply mounded soil or a contained bed of soil above the surrounding grade. The goal is to create a deep, wide growing area that encourages plant roots to grow down and outward.

Challenging native soil conditions can be overcome through the use of raised bed gardens.

Raised beds can put plants at eye level for better observation of pest issues. When the bed is contained in a structure, you are better able to really get in there and work your bed without impacting the overall shape.

I also prefer not having to bend over to maintain the beds. Just that little bit of added convenience makes it easier to work in the garden, even on those days where I might be tempted to just kick back with a cold beverage. Believe me; I have those days too.

Do you live in an area with hardpack dirt, heavy clay (like my red Atlanta clay), fine-grained sand, or maybe your home is surrounded by concrete? Perhaps, you’ve done a soil test and discovered lead or some other contaminants in your native soil?

Raising the garden surface raises your plants above problem soil and can prevent plant roots from reaching those contaminants. By using raised beds, there really aren’t any surface issues that should hold you back from gardening.

When your soil bed is elevated above the surrounding terrain, you control its health and drainage. So, no matter how bad the ground you’re starting with, anyone anywhere can grow a productive raised bed garden.

Frankly, I also just love the look of raised beds. I find their aesthetic value to be a great benefit to my property. Given the options, I can’t imagine not gardening in raised beds.

Do the Benefits of Raised Beds Outweigh the Costs?

There are lots of variables to determine if raised beds are your best garden option. Some great gardeners prefer in-ground gardening. A frequent guest of these podcasts gardens in-ground with mounded beds, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

Mounded, in-bed garden rows thrive at the Lee Reich gardens.

Building raised beds can be expensive. It doesn’t need to be, but it can be. In 2009, I was challenged to build an entire garden (including plants) for $25 or less and was fortunate to find 110-year-old barn wood to use for my raised bed structure. It may be worth checking sites like Freecycle.org or Craigslist.org for materials you can repurpose.

Some other potential downsides to raised beds:

Their permanence. For most, this is a benefit, but if there’s a possibility you will need to relocate your garden in coming years, a permanent raised bed structure will need to be deconstructed.

The raised soil is more exposed to heat and cold than surface soil. If the sidewalls of your bed aren’t very thick, the bordering soil and plants could be impacted by extreme conditions.

Raised soil can dry out more quickly than surface soil. During this series, I’ll cover some ways to significantly reduce this downside, but the fact remains.

Raised beds require space between the beds for movement, pathways through the garden. If you have a very limited real estate, losing some of it to walking space might be a dealbreaker for you.

Garden Area Planning

There is a myriad of raised bed designs and variations out there. We’ll get to that more next week, but first, consider your space. Bear in mind that these guidelines and principles apply most to an edible garden – growing fruits and vegetables.

You don’t need to have a lot of space to build a raised bed garden. What you do need is a spot that receives full sun for most of the day – at least 6 hours. Those edible plants require lots of sun to mature fully and set fruit for your harvest. So, the sunniest area on your property will be the best garden spot.

If your property is shaded by lots of trees, you may want to consider some selective pruning to allow the sun to reach your garden spot. Be sure to check out the Growing a Greener World blog on that topic and the considerations on this.

The GardenFarm raised beds during harvest time. Their 18″ height makes for easy picking!

It’s best if the garden area is relatively level. Many of you are starting with hilly terrain, so I recommend digging into the hill, if possible. Get that area as level as you can before you build.

If your spot isn’t level, and you don’t have the ability to level the ground, just bear in mind that your raised bed surfaces will need to be level once complete. So, starting with an uneven surface will need to be taken into account in your overall design.

Be sure the raised bed area will have easy access to water. Is there a spigot nearby? If not, will it be practical to lay a garden hose from the spigot to the garden area?

It’s easy to forget that a strung-out garden hose will need to be pulled back in regularly (if not daily) to mow, use the hose elsewhere, prevent it from being chewed up by the dog, etc. Water is key to gardening success, so you want to be sure your method will be practical for you.

Consider proximity to your home too. I am a strong advocate for getting out into the garden every day. Take at least a few moments to enjoy the beauty of what you’ve built. Spending some time each day also helps you catch pests and disease in early stages.

Let’s be realistic. If your garden is tucked away on the other end of your yard, and that distance feels like a trek after a long day; you might be inclined to have a seat on your favorite chair instead. And don’t forget, you want those garden edibles to be as close to the kitchen as possible for a quick dinner. Why grow it if you’re too busy to harvest and eat it?

A spot located too far away from your home may be inconvenient and impractical.

Read more: Organic Gargening – Learn About What Makes An Organic Garden

What are your environmental conditions? Is there anything else which might impact your finished beds? For example, is the selected spot in an area that receives some runoff in heavy rain? Take into consideration how the runoff will impact your bed structure, or incorporate a way (like a French drain) for that runoff to go around the garden area.

If at all possible, don’t site your garden in an area where water tends to pool on your property. Even though the beds will be raised up, pooled water can still wick up into the beds and drown your plants over time.

Will you be battling predators? If you are in a rural area and subject to visitation by frequent furry nibblers, like deer or raccoons; incorporate fence planning into your overall design. Keeping the garden nearer to your home may also help to discourage predators from visiting your garden in the first place. No sense taking the trouble to grow all that produce, only to lose it to your wildlife neighbors.

While you’re planning, know that how you orient your raised beds just doesn’t matter. It won’t matter if their length runs north-to-south or east-to-west. What will matter is the placement of your plants, and I’ll cover that further later in the series.

Orient your tall plants on the north side of your raised bed gardens. Planting them on the north or west side prevents their shading smaller plants from the sun.

Raised Bed Size Considerations

No doubt you’ve already been looking at dozens, if not hundreds, of images of other gardens. So, you know that bed sizes and shapes vary widely. I’ve seen just about everything too – even plants inserted directly into bags of garden soil (not something I recommend). Here are the guidelines I do recommend:

1. Height: 12-18” is ideal, however even as low as 6” can work and be productive. Most feeder roots are in the first 6”, but the deeper the roots, the taller the shoots. Going higher than 18” can potentially cause more structural issues down the road – due to the weight and pressure of all that soil.

Think about what types of crops you want to grow (root vegetables which require more space, herbs which require less, etc.). Think too about the foundation on which you will be building. Will the surface allow the soil to erode out the bottom (go higher), or might it be impacted by the weight of the bed (don’t go too high)?

Provide as much room as possible – and practical – for your plant roots to grow. (If you checked out last week’s podcast, you’d know that an 18” depth is also the perfect seating height.)

The GardenFarm raised beds, ready for planting. Built of 6″x6″ cedar beam, each bed is 18″ tall, 3′ or 4′ wide, and 12′ long.

2. Width: Four feet is perfect, but three feet can also work. Four feet allows more flexibility for spacing rows, but more importantly, not building beyond that width will allow you to easily reach the center from either side of the bed. It’s important that you don’t have to step into the bed to weed, plant, etc., as that will compact the soil and affect drainage and overall health.

3. Length: Whatever fits your needs. You could build 4’x4’ squares. You could build 4’x20’ rows. As long as you stick within a four-foot maximum width, your length is only limited by your space and budget.

4. Shape: As mentioned, you can build squares, rectangles, T’s, circles, ovals, etc. As long as you can reach all areas of the bed from the edge (staying within that four-foot width), you’re all set.

Preparing the Garden Bed Area

Maybe you are truly blessed and have bare, level, beautiful earth just waiting for you to come along and plunk some beds down. No? Then, you are like the rest of us who have (or had) to put a little blood, sweat, and tears into claiming our garden spot from turf or shrub or weeds.

If your Space is Currently Lawn:

Rent a sod cutter to remove that turf pretty quickly and easily – but be forewarned, this will involve a hit to your budget.

Dig up the sod the old-fashioned way. Hello, shovel, my old friend.

Smother and compost that high-maintenance grass away. If you are willing to wait a little while, (a few months) this method will provide a nutrient-plentiful base for your garden bed. I have listed the steps for this “no-till method” in my no-till gardening video blog

If your Space is Currently Weed-Infested:

Solarize the area. Solarizing will take some time (4-8 weeks), but it is a great way to kill much of the weed growth and seeds for 2-3” below the soil surface. Solarization utilizes trapped moisture and heat and is best done in the hottest months of the summer.

To solarize, mow the area as low to the ground as possible, then thoroughly wet it down – really soak it well. Then, cover the area with clear plastic sheeting (clear plastic allows more heat from the sun to penetrate to the soil surface than black or cloudy plastic).

The key to solarization is ensuring a tight seal of the plastic edges. Your goal is to trap all that moisture underneath and not provide pockets for heat to escape. It’s best to bury the edges of the plastic under an inch or so of dirt.

Periodically, check over the area throughout the summer to be sure the plastic is still well-sealed. If any holes are poked into the plastic at any point during the solarization process, cover them with duct tape.

Don’t leave the plastic on for longer than eight weeks, at most. Solarization will kill some of the beneficial microorganisms in your soil, but they will quickly repopulate the area. Remember that this process kills the weeds down to about 3” of soil, so if you dig after solarization, you’ll be bringing those deeper weed seeds back to the surface to cause you more grief.

One drawback to solarization is the ultimate disposal of the plastic sheeting. Recycle that plastic, if at all possible.

How you orient your raised beds isn’t important. What does matter is how you orient your plants.

Bermuda grass. If you are contending with this adversary, solarization is your best weapon. Bermuda grass is grown intentionally in some areas, but it can also become a very persistent, invasive weed. It grows above ground – using runners – and below ground – using rhizomes.

The good news is that solarization can kill Bermuda grass runners as well as some of the rhizomes. However, those rhizomes can run very deep (six inches or more), beyond the reach of the heat of solarization. So while solarization can be effective against Bermuda grass, be prepared to continue this battle for many years to come.

Bermuda grass is so persistent; it is the only time I might consider placing a layer of landscape cloth under my raised bed structures. Alternatively, I might lay down several layers of cardboard.

I strongly encourage you to build some sort of border around the edge of your bed to prevent Bermuda grass creeping in from the perimeter. Bermuda grass needs plenty of sunlight, so when buried under layers of soil, it’s not as likely to sprout up from underneath. More likely, any sprouts in your garden will be due to seeds blown in.

If your Space is Currently Shrubbed:

In some cases, it might be necessary to grind out or dig out a stump or two. Fortunately though, raised beds prevent the necessity to remove most of the stumps and roots left behind. Much of the remaining woody material will be buried in your garden beds and will break down over time, adding a few nutrients to the soil.

You may also opt to till the garden area to tear up existing roots, weeds, etc. and as a means to level the spot. There is some drawback to tilling your soil that I discuss at length in the video blog mentioned earlier.

Tilling can save time and create a surface that is easier to level. Just understand the drawbacks to tilling before you take that step. There are important soil structure elements which can be lost due to tilling. As with all these decisions, once you are educated on the benefits and risks, you can take the direction that best suits you.

The GardenFarm raised beds provide structure, beauty, and a healthy growing environment.

Notice that I did not recommend the use of any topical lawn or weed killing products – either commercial or home-made. If you use a topical product, that product will remain in the soil and will affect your garden bed. It doesn’t take much to kill a season or more of garden crop, so think twice before deciding to take this particular shortcut.

If your Location is Hardscape:

I’ve received lots of questions about building raised beds on this. I have seen many home and community gardens built on parking lots, sidewalks, etc. If this is what you have to work with, then go for it! These can be productive garden locations too.

The key to building on hardscape would also be drainage ability. Water should be able to flow out of the bottom of your raised bed onto the concrete. Some people layer cardboard beneath the bed structure to help with water retention, but that cardboard will break down so quickly, it’s not a worthwhile step.

If your only area is gravel, know that gravel might impede drainage. Studies have shown that water doesn’t move as freely from a dense to a less-dense layer. You can check out a video demonstration to get a better understanding. The deeper you build your beds, the less likely this will be a problem, and again if this is the best area you have to work with, don’t let that hold you back!

The GardenFarm raised bed height of 18″ allows Joe Lamp’l to better observe growth and early problem warning signs.

Which Materials are Safe for Containing your Beds?

Size and shape will likely also be dependent on your materials. More importantly, many of you expressed concerns and had questions about which materials are safe. Here’s where things can really go sideways. There are so much conflicting information and surprisingly few studies on the various materials available for use.

Why do materials matter? First of all, the materials you use will be in close quarters to your food crop. In all likelihood, the roots and foliage will be regularly making contact with your material surface.

Secondly, the soil you place in your bed will need to remain fairly moist, and the exterior surfaces of your bed will be spending a lot of time in the hot sun. Most materials degrade when exposed to constant moisture and sunlight.

I used 16’ lengths of 6”x6” untreated cedar at the GardenFarm but living in the heavily-populated Atlanta area offers me a better supply of wood materials than will be available for many of you.

Regardless, here are pros and cons to the materials you may be considering:

Raw Wood:

The best types of untreated wood are black walnut, cypress, cedar, redwood, oak, black locust, or osage orange. These are known for their rot-resistant properties and last for many years, even under moist conditions.

These woods can be difficult to find available for purchase in some areas. They are also expensive. Untreated pine is a less expensive untreated option, but it will also have a shorter lifespan.

Another consideration: Aside from pine, these woods are not as sustainable as other materials. Often, these woods are harvested from old-growth forest. If you choose to use one of these woods, check that it is coming from a sustainable source. Look for the Forest Stewardship Council (FSC) certification on any wood you buy. The FSC is an international organization that has developed standards for responsible forest management.

All types untreated wood will need to be replaced at some point. The lifespan of your wood will depend on wood type and your environment. If you live in an arid climate, untreated wood can last for several years. If you live in a hot and muggy area, untreated wood may only see you through a couple of years.

A robust raised bed garden form built with wooden structures.

Replacing your wood does not signify failure. The untreated wood is decomposing and even adding some nutrients to your garden bed in the process. It’s more a matter of maintenance and realistically assessing what will work best for you and your family.

Wood Stains & Paint:

You may opt to extend the life of your untreated wood by staining or painting it. I recommend using a natural treatment like raw linseed oil or raw tung oil.

It’s important to look for the raw form of these, as those not marked “raw” will likely include other chemicals. The chemicals are added to speed up the oil drying process, so by using the raw versions, allow for additional drying time.

Another thing to bear in mind is that linseed oil is a food source for mildew, so if mildew is a problem in your area, that may not be a good choice for you.

There haven’t been many studies on the impact of using paints or stains for garden bed structure. Paint and stain ingredients vary, and overall, the impact is relatively unknown. But common sense should remind you that these all include chemicals of some nature, and those chemicals may impact your crop.

I recommend against painting the exterior only of your raised bed structure. The wood exposed to the moist soil will wick up moisture, but the exterior paint won’t allow the wood to fully “breathe.” So by painting the exterior only, you will be trapping the moisture inside and shortening the lifespan of your wood.

Treated Wood:

Treated wood has been infused with chemical elements to preserve the wood. CCA (Chromated Copper Arsenate) wood used to be the most commonly available. The primary concern with treated wood is that those infused elements leach out of the wood. The arsenic in CCA led manufacturers of CCA-treated wood to discontinue its availability for residential applications in 2003.

Although you may find older CCA-treated wood, today’s retail options will more likely be ACQ (Ammoniacal Copper Quat) or MCA (Micronized Copper Azole). They have a higher concentration of copper but don’t have the arsenic.

Leaching occurs at the highest levels under the following conditions:

Smaller surfaces – i.e., the ends and – especially, the sawdust

More recently treated (although CCA-treated wood is shown to retain uniformly-high levels of CCA)

Moist conditions – i.e., after rain or in a muggy environment

In unhealthy soil

Raised bed garden structures being built of treated wood and ready to be filled.

So to put this into an interesting perspective, studies exploring the impact of treated wood when used for raised beds have shown that the greatest risk is actually in touching the exterior of the bed. When you (or especially, your kids) sit on or lean on treated wood, your skin or clothing is most likely to absorb the copper or arsenic leaching out of the wood to remain on the surface.

If you currently have beds made of the older CCA-treated wood, don’t be alarmed. If you’re using lots of compost, you should be fine, since plants don’t even take up arsenic unless the soil is deficient in phosphorus. And that’s likely not the case since phosphorus tends to be immobile and ongoing amendments of compost just add to the overall volume.

In other words, really healthy soil with lots of organic matter does not take up arsenic by plant roots. Yet the more acidic or alkaline your soil, the more likelihood of those elements being taken up by your plants. So, just another reason for getting a soil test to get your soil closer to a neutral pH (6.5-7.0 – also the ideal range for vegetable growth). Ditto for soil with a low amount of organic matter, so make sure your soil analysis tests for organic matter percentage as well.

As for the newer ACQ and MCA treated wood (which have higher copper levels), plants in your food garden won’t be able to tolerate high levels of copper, and studies show that healthy soil also prevents uptake of copper.

Even if copper levels are high and being taken up, the plants will die before you ever have a chance to think about eating them. At any rate, that would be a good indicator of a potential problem – in which case you might want to think about having your soil tested for metal concentrations.

While we’re on the subject, root vegetables are at greatest risk of being impacted by leaching, as most metals (when taken up) remain in plant roots. Studies further show that those root vegetables are impacted most on their surface. So by thoroughly washing all the impacted soil off and peeling the skin off your potatoes, beets, etc.; you will be eliminating potential contamination.

Your tomatoes and your eggplant could absorb copper or arsenic into their roots, but it is generally not shown to affect the fruit. Leafy greens are an exception and can take up arsenic in their leaves.

In short: Keep your soil near neutral and add lots of compost (more on both of these later), thoroughly wash off the soil and peel the skin from your root vegetables, and avoid contact with the exterior surface of the treated wood. As an extra precaution, grow leafy greens and root vegetables more toward the center of your bed (12” from the perimeter if possible), furthest from the treated wood.

A final note: When building treated wood beds, make your cuts somewhere that allows you to contain the sawdust. Wear a dust mask and gloves, and remove and dispose of the sawdust promptly. Don’t add it to your compost.

Cinder or Concrete Blocks:

The truth is, these days the terms are used interchangeably. If your “cinder” blocks are decades old, they may actually be cinder blocks, but only concrete blocks have been in production for the past 50+ years.

What are your concrete blocks made from? That depends somewhat on your area, but there are consistencies. Virtually all concrete blocks are made of what’s called Portland cement as well as aggregate, like sand or gravel.

One of the ingredients of Portland cement is fly ash (ranging from 15% to 25%). It’s used to make concrete blocks lighter yet stronger. Fly ash is a fine powder byproduct of coal burning, so In other words, it’s a petroleum byproduct.

And here’s the real rub: fly ash contains various amounts of toxic metals; including arsenic, lead, and mercury. So, yes, those metals are in the concrete blocks that line your vegetable garden too.

A concrete block raised garden bed under construction. (photo: Joan DiSante)

While that might sound scary, the risk of those metals becoming available in the soil only happens if part of the concrete block is pulverized. Then, it’s a matter of several factors that determine the potential risk to what you are growing.

Read more: Everything you need to know about vertical gardens | Garden Benches Blog

First, the proximity of plant roots to the damaged area. Next, soils higher in organic matter are always beneficial but especially in this case, because they help chemically bind the metals – making them unavailable for absorption into the plant. Just as with CCA-treated wood, root crops and leafy greens are most susceptible when exposed to higher concentrations.

So, how much fly ash is absorbed by soil held within a concrete block structure? Well, if the block is intact, little to none. But not much research has been done on this specific subject.

If you have beds made from concrete blocks, just avoid anything that would cause them to break to the point that the dust from pulverized pieces can come in contact with plant roots.

And if you really want to “do something,” seal the interior lining with a polymer paint (the most practical option), or line the interior side with PE plastic. It’s up to you to decide if it’s really worth the trouble.

If building raised beds over a concrete surface, the same risks and preventions would apply.

A raised bed garden built on a concrete area.

The bottom line: It’s not a huge risk, and there are many other ways you are likely taking unintended and harmful materials into your body, far beyond the risk posed by these blocks. That’s my opinion, but I do encourage you to do your own research on this if you’d like to learn more. There is so much information out there on the subject, and it will quickly take you in many directions. So, just be mindful of the reliability of the sources of these articles.

Composite Wood:

Composite wood is made of recycled materials and can last for years. Some composite material, when used in long side walls can buckle a bit. Here again, there hasn’t been much research on the use of composite wood in proximity to edibles.

Are there any chemicals or elements released by the composite material? It appears to be a benign product for garden use, but there isn’t much information out there to make a solid determination.

Railroad Ties:

Railroad ties are made with creosote, an oil distilled from coal tar. Creosote is used as a wood preservative for industrial use and is the black, oily stuff you see oozing from the sides of the ties.

The heft of railroad ties has made them a popular choice for raised beds and garden retaining walls. While there have been few studies on the impact of using them to contain edible plants, I’ll take the advice provided directly from the EPA on creosote:

“…Creosote is not approved to treat wood for residential use, including landscaping timbers or garden borders…. Creosote is a possible human carcinogen and has no registered residential use.”

Galvanized Metal:

There’s little scientific information available examining the effect of galvanized metal in the use of raised beds. What I can tell you is that the galvanization process typically involves dipping the metal in molten zinc or zinc-based coating.

While dangerous if consumed in large quantities, zinc is a micronutrient that plants and humans actually need in small quantities. If too much zinc were leached into the soil, it would probably reflect in dying plants, before it would ever pose a health risk.

Also, galvanized metal has been used to hold or transport water for humans and livestock for many years. All that to say: I can’t guarantee there’s not a negative health impact, but the risk is certainly low.

A galvanized tub raised bed garden provides a home for herbs and vegetables. (photo: Dennis Huckabay)

One thing you should bear in mind, however, is heat and drainage. Livestock troughs are a popular option, but it’s critical to provide lots of drainage holes in the bottom of the trough. That moisture will need a place to escape, so you don’t inadvertently drown your plant roots.

Whether you use metal sheeting or a trough, that metal will absorb and reflect heat from the sun – more than other materials. As a result, your soil will tend to dry out more quickly, and foliage in the line of that reflective power might suffer. The soil nearest to the sun-facing metal will also warm up more than the rest of the bed.

It might be wise to plant those tender vegetables – like lettuce – toward the center of the bed where soil temperature will remain most constant.

Tires:

Just don’t. Don’t do it. If you must do it, do it only for a season or two at most. Tires are a petroleum-based product. Their rubber degrades in the heat and moisture, and the chemicals incorporate into your soil. They may be convenient or look kitschy and fun. It may keep a tire out of the landfill, sure. But there are more drawbacks to using tires than there are benefits.

There’s a reason that most landfills prohibit tires. If garbage shouldn’t be subjected to decomposing tire rubber, neither should your family’s food.

Most landfills prohibit tires. If garbage shouldn’t be subjected to decomposing tire rubber, neither should your family’s food.

Pre-Made Kits:

It doesn’t get much easier than one of the many raised bed kits available for purchase today. These can be used with composite wood and can be cut to varying lengths. Some can be expensive, and the material with which they are made can vary widely. I recently built raised beds on an episode of Growing a Greener World, so check that out.

Liners:

If you use any of the above materials with the potential of leaching, you might be inclined to line the bed with plastic. Yes, this will provide a barrier between the bed material and your soil. But don’t lose sight of the plastic material itself.

There are so many plastics out there, and they are of widely-diverse safety grades. If you use plastic, look for food-grade polyethylene. This is considered one of the most food-safe plastics. Line only the outer perimeter of the bed – not the bottom surface. Don’t block drainage with plastic.

With all of these products, I recommend you do your own research to feel comfortable in your choice. There are many reputable and not-so-reputable resources out there, so always be mindful of your information resource.

Raised bed kits, similar to the parts being used here, make it easy to build a bed at any size and in any location. Seen here are widely-available builder blocks with composite wood, which can be cut to any size.

Be sure to watch for next week’s podcast when I’ll continue the raised bed journey, discussing two of the raised bed topics that generated the most questions – structure material and soil. There is a lot to cover there, so I encourage you to listen in and read up.

Speaking of listening in, if you haven’t already done so, I recommend listening to this podcast recording (linked at the top of the page). I include a few anecdotes and other tidbits that I think you will find enlightening and entertaining.

Links & Resources

Podcast Episode 006: Weedless Gardening with Lee Reich

Episode 041: Small Space Garden Design joegardener Blog: No-Till Gardening: If You Love Your Soil, Ditch the Tiller

Episode 043: Raised Bed Gardening, Pt. 2: Perfect Soil Recipe

Episode 044: Raised Bed Gardening, Pt. 3: Animal Control & More

joegardenerTV: How to Get the Best Drainage for Your Container – Why What You’ve Been Taught Is All Wrong

Growing a Greener World

GGW Blog: Limbing up Trees

GGW Blog: Salvaging 110-year old wood – My Quest for a Twenty-five Dollar Organic Victory Garden

GGW: GardenFarm Raised Bed Instructions

GGW: GardenFarm Raised Bed Garden Diagram

GGW Episode 406: Setting Up a Garden

GGW: Episode 804 Gardening for Butterflies & Other Beneficial Insects

EPA: Creosote

PennState Extension: Environmental Soil Issues: Garden Use of Treated

Craigslist.org

Freecycle.org

Milorganite® – Our podcast episode sponsor and Brand Partner of joegardener.com

About Joe Lamp’l

Joe Lamp’l is the creator and “joe” behind joe gardener®. His lifetime passion and devotion to all things horticulture has led him to a long-time career as one of the country’s most recognized and trusted personalities in organic gardening and sustainability. That is most evident in his role as host and creator of Growing a Greener World®, a national green-living lifestyle series on PBS currently in production of its ninth season. When he’s not working in his large, raised bed vegetable garden, he’s likely planting or digging something up, or spending time with his family on their organic farm, just north of Atlanta, GA.

Source: https://livingcorner.com.au Category: Garden

source https://livingcorner.com.au/raised-bed-garden-from-a-z-what-to-know-joe-gardener/

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sleepyskunk · 7 years ago

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Deconstructing the 2017 Movie Trailer Mashup

Why deconstructing a mashup? Because these videos are often perceived as a random mess of pretty images from movie trailers. While that’s absolutely true, there’s an opportunity to explore themes and also pay a few obscure tributes to elements that don’t belong in the video itself but that are generally widespread within pop culture. These montages have been going on for a few years now, and it’s hard to edit the footage in a way that won’t feel reminiscent of one of the many great retrospectives put out by other talented editors in years past. I have to say that trying to build a narrative with all that footage has now become more enticing to me than to highlight the moments that made the year in cinema within their proper context. Let’s get right into it, shall we?

Someone on Reddit commented: “starting off with GEOSTORM, that’s a bold move!” and it didn’t even cross my mind. The shot was exactly where I wanted to go right off the bat - a blend of childlike wonder and eerie caution reminiscent of earlier Tim Burton films. The track was composed for a television spot called “A Wonderful Day” from IT and it showcases major Danny Elfman influences. Thus, this was my small tribute to the Burton/Elfman collabs happening under snowfalls like EDWARD SCISSORHANDS or BATMAN RETURNS. I loved the contrast in dialogue from PERSONAL SHOPPER which was such an under-appreciated indie film this year. Every mashup has its horror section, but I am gently sneaking you in by the supernatural door this time around. It’s just innocent enough to deceive those who hate horror.

Childlike wonder flawlessly captured in one shot, from the lens of Matt Reeves. I can’t say I connect emotionally with his APES movies, but the quality control on every frame, CGI or otherwise, it pretty much above and beyond all industry standards. That facial expression is exactly what I needed, you can tell she’s not too sure whether she’s safe or not but without feeling properly scared either. This is like the part in the original POLTERGEIST where kitchen chairs are moving on their own and the family still thinks it’s kind of fun. Kind of.

KING ARTHUR is the best type of release when it comes to trailer mashups because 1) it had a fantasy undertone 2) it was tracking poorly and 3) it went way over budget. Big studios know months in advance if they have a major bomb on their hands, and they have two choices at that point: either stop spending a penny on it and dump it for a quick theatre run and VOD release (more common if the movie didn’t cost that much) or, like in this case, spend extra millions of dollars to sell the shit out of that movie on opening week-end before everyone realizes it’s bad. Those extra millions go towards CGI money shots like the one above, which is really meant to make the marketing more attractive and oh dear lord, did KING ARTHUR have some last minute money shots to offer or what? It was a joy to pick and choose from its nine trailers.

This is where I put my cards on the table, whimsy never happened and I am taking you all to creepytown. That shot from ANNABELLE: CREATION is one of the many that upstages the featured evil doll in that wonderful movie and the film’s cinematographer Maxime Alexandre reached out because he was happy so much of his work was featured. You never know in front of who your videos can end up and industry people are keen on celebrating the year in film, especially if their own works are included. This is just a top notch unsettling shot clearly inspired by THE SHINING (the girl’s dress and the way her arms look lifeless.) On a side note, I always manually add all sounds including that floor cracking. If anyone reading this is starting off editing mashups, I promise you one thing: using professional, isolated, studio-recorded sound effect packages such as BOOM library is much superior to the original trailer track (unless you get a clean sound within the trailer.)

Another random insight (if you’re interested in making your own movie mashups) is to try as much as possible to avoid that one marketing shot everyone recognizes. You can revisit a memorable moment but going straight to the most oversold shot of a film hurts you. While you’re eager to make everyone relive the most epic imagery of the year, some value gets lost when a studio bombarded the same shot over and over and you go for it. Two quick examples: Giant hologram JOI pointing at Ryan Gosling in BLADE RUNNER 2049. I wanted that moment, but the original side-scroller shot was so overused that I went with her from a closer angle (see video thumbnail). Another example is that uncomfortable sniffle from Daniel Kaluuya in GET OUT which I favored over the super overplayed mouth open crying paralyzed shot from every marketing piece. In both cases, I assume you know which shots I am referring to without having to show them. Trying the alternative makes us relive the moment without its obviousness. It gives that other shot they didn’t choose its moment to shine (and more often than not, it’s just as effective.)

Someone’s not getting much sleep. A CURE FOR WELLNESS is a gorgeous-looking film no matter what you think of its bizarre plot points. I spend much of the first segment flirting with the creative key points from IT. One I tried to play around with is the idea of Pennywise as a half-real/half-fiction monster, and how similar to Wes Craven’s A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET his realm of terror extends. A few winning concepts in both films: 1) He isn’t real but he can really hurt you so you have to stay on your guard at all times and 2) Only a select few have been cursed with having to deal with him, adding a psychological layer to an already spooky premise. Dane Dehaan looks like a kid from Derry, or Elm street if you prefer, whose mental focus seems affected by the fact that he saw something, and his friend saw him too. Meanwhile, I throw in a completely out of context quote from Vanessa Redgrave which ties in that mysterious “sickness” from Verbinski’s film.

A shot from PROFESSOR MARSTON AND THE WONDER WOMEN from a trailer edited by Kees van Dijkhuizen Jr. for Annapurna Pictures where he works as an in-house editor now. In 2015, I talked about Gen Ip’s storytelling approach and last year I praised Matt Shapiro’s famously epic crescendos, so this year, let’s talk about Kees a little bit because I find all their influences fascinating. My first observation is how far his much-adored Cinema series has taken him, and that one of the top production houses in the business (if not the top, sorry A24 and Fox Searchlight) hired him so he could bring his own distinct style onto their major features. The whole trailer mashup craze started off only a few years back and so many editors were recruited right off YouTube to turn their passion into a livelihood down in Los Angeles. I can think of at least six editors whose names you’d recognize and who are now living the dream, and I consider this to be really inspiring because none of them initially got into it thinking something like that was ever possible. (side note: I also moved to L.A. and was poached by a trailer house but prefer to keep things on the low-end until it’s been long enough. I wouldn’t want to jinx it.)

The second observation about Kees is how much influence he’s had on every mashup that gets uploaded on a daily basis every December (me included) - I will link his Cinema series below. Instead of pairing clips into a horror bit, an action bit, a laughing and dancing bit, a kissing and crying bit, Kees was always out to create new feelings and nothing ever seemed more important than proper flow. Many shots would pop-up that you would never expect thematically, images of moving objects like a breaking glass transitioned with a girl’s hair waving through the wind (also see the lie detector in the previous shot.) He would connect nature documentaries right along with major superhero blockbusters and the movements flowed so perfectly that nothing ever felt out of place, quite the contrary. He was the best shot curator we’ve ever seen, and the order in which he put them together was beyond logic and predictability. Imagine “One Perfect Shot” but with 275 perfect shots back-to-back. If you want a prime example of what I’m referring to (random objects and flow), check out 2:49 - 2:52 from his Cinema 2011 (links below). Kees set the bar so high that attempting an end-of-year mashup certainly felt foolish at times, but hoping to improve made the editing process all the more inspiring.

CINEMA 2008 | CINEMA 2009 | CINEMA 2010 | CINEMA 2011 | CINEMA 2012

So apparently, they have the internet and flat-screen TV’s in RINGS but landline phones are still a thing. Quite frankly, I haven’t seen RINGS and I bet it’s aggressively ordinary, but how retro horror is that shot? Paired up with the voice of THE SNOWMAN saying “Mister Policeman” it’s a throwback to Nancy being terrorized by Freddy in the original Nightmare of Elm Street (minus the tongue.) I was also pleased with the aesthetic of HAPPY DEATH DAY, clearly the product of horror fans who grew up during the low-budget slasher craze of the early ‘80s. It’s got MY BLOODY VALENTINE written all over it (meanwhile their poster was paying homage to APRIL FOOL’S DAY.) Retro horror, in all its disturbing practical gore glory! Rick Baker, Tom Savini, how much we missed you in our modern times where only a few major productions have enough VFX money to escape the uncanny valley (and even then... *cough* JUSTICE LEAGUE.)

I always tend to edit right on tempo, which means switching shots at the exact moment the music beat tells you to. But over here, I thought this elevator drop from FLATLINERS looked so frenetic and out of control that I started it half a second before as if the beat couldn’t keep up! Like in cartoons when the car accelerates so fast that it takes off but their eyeballs are standing still for a little fraction. This whole mashup sequence is meant to be a little cartoony and tongue-in-cheek. To anyone who found this to be disturbing (and yes, I heard from a few viewers who said it was too much) I must admit that it wasn’t my intention. I won’t apologize for my work, people choose to watch if they want to or not. But if I really tried my best to scare the crap out of you, I can assure you THE LEGO NINJAGO MOVIE wouldn’t have made the cut.

Now channeling a CHILD’S PLAY vibe thanks to this retro television shot from the highly underrated BRIGSBY BEAR. A kids program works well as an element of fear because it’s supposed to be a safely protected zone of positivity and care, just like a doll or a clown for that matter. Once that turns on its head and begins to attack, you basically have nowhere else to hide. It also makes for great contrast, and Andy Muschietti must have had an absolute blast this year incorporating this component into his remake of IT. The bear costume was one of the many shots that wasn’t from a horror movie and yet I used to great effect in this section. I know there was a new CHILD’S PLAY movie this year but sadly, it didn’t hold a candle to the Hitchcockian original.

“At the end of the day, people are out for themselves.” That’s not true, and only people who are out for themselves could believe that. Because if you’re weighing low on the morality scale at some point in life, you still wanna go to bed thinking you’re a good person. So if you can’t justify what you did, the best logical next step is to convince yourself that human nature is to blame, that everyone else would have done the same as you. Ask people who were charged with insider trading on the stock market, they’ll always say “everybody was doing it.” I could refer to a certain World War to keep hammering that point but instead, I’d like to point out the interesting contrast between this and Part 3. I try to disprove that very statement by showing in the finale that everything we do that matters is for others, and others are the only thing that matters once everything else has come and gone.

The KING ARTHUR studio spending extra millions of dollars to sell the shit out of that movie on opening week-end before everyone realizes it’s bad money shot festival continues. EPIC! In fact, that shot is so gorgeous, you could place it anywhere in any mashup ever and it would probably work.

Having a bit of fun giving a more literal visual cue to IT’s “We all float down here” with Guillermo Del Toro’s hypnotically beautiful THE SHAPE OF WATER. However, it’s not the tudum tssshh, get it? movie connection that works here. It’s the underwater sound effect and the incredible sound mixing by trailer house Buddha Jones so that Georgie’s voice seems to come from the bottom of the ocean. This is likely the best sound work you’ll hear in the entire mashup, and I didn’t mix it, the editors behind that teaser trailer did. In fact, their work was so effective at scaring people that it earned twice the amount of views on YouTube than what Avengers: Infinity War received. A fact Kevin Feige will likely never admit.

That moment when you realize your manic pixie dream girl wears white socks! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I've used vulgarity in the past but not every year, depends whether it brings value. Some of you may remember “Game on, c***suckers” from KICK-ASS 2 in 2013 or “Nap time, motherf***ers” from COOTIES in 2015. Perhaps there’s another guilty pleasure at play here, however, which is that feeling of pure creative freedom. As mentioned earlier, not everyone digged the horror undertone of this year’s Part 1 and that’s okay because it went exactly where I wanted to go and no compromise was made. No client notes. No studio revisions. No censor beeper (which makes it worse because we seek to find out what the word was.) If you get into professional careers that are creative in nature, you’ll find that teamwork, compromise, and not taking anything personally are all essential components for success. But when the movie trailer mashup comes around, I report to no one. And that moment from THREE BILLBOARDS OUTSIDE EBBING MISSOURI is one I wanted included as soon as the red band trailer came out.

This shot comes from a small movie you should seek out called MY NAME IS EMILY starring Evanna Lynch (aka Luna Lovegood in the Harry Potter movies.) The film was directed by Simon Fitzmaurice who was diagnosed with Motor Neuron Disease (ALS) a few years ago, the debilitating disease for which the viral ice-bucket challenge was based on. He wrote the screenplay for this movie while his body was entirely paralyzed, and the only way he could communicate with the cast and crew while shooting the film was through eye gaze technology. There was a documentary following his brave journey that played Sundance called IT’S NOT YET DARK. Check it out if you need some real work ethic motivation and want to feel truly inspired about overcoming challenges. Much better than THE DISASTER ARTIST which is a spoof about a millionaire with no talent who mistreated the people who worked on his film. Okay, it’s still very entertaining and James Franco is hilarious but I don’t get a ‘never give up’ vibe from it, more like ‘maybe this isn’t for you.’

With the second segment, I was going for a British Gangster film vibe, hence the music cue Main Offender by The Hives. No movie captured that feeling better than Ben Wheatley’s FREE FIRE this year. I find the criminals in British movies are equally as clever in their quips as they are dangerous and often have the appearance of fair, well-behaved citizens until they have a reason to go mad. Jon Hamm’s performance in BABY DRIVER was also a textbook definition of that archetype, because all the build-up scenes where he acts friendly and discusses music with the titular character only bring an element of surprise at the end of his arc (spoilers: he’s not that nice in the end) I am aware that BABY DRIVER takes place in America but it’s directed by a Brit so it counts!

If Kubrick only knew his famous jump cut from 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY that connects a flying bone to a space shuttle would lead to this fifty years later. What a shit show jump cuts have become! But they’re fun, and let’s be honest here: 7 minutes of serious quotes about life would get a little heavy. The way you edit jump cuts is the same way to solve a puzzle with over a thousand pieces. Extract dozens of short action clips onto your timeline and try to make them fit with one another over and over until you’re entertained. I mean, the music stays the same in the background, all I am doing here is deciding which projectile this pair of underpants from CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS will become. The answer was a tranquilizer from the underground mall chase sequence in Bong Joon-ho’s excellent OKJA. Maybe we should try one really long domino of jump cuts one day. Should take forever to edit, but how much fun would it be?

Did you know that Academy Award winner Alicia Vikander was a professional ballet dancer before she started acting? Work ethic applies in everything you do. When you hear about successful actors, you often discover people who are world-class at delivering under pressure and dedicating themselves to their craft with an insane amount of work. Acting is hard and yet so many people think they can do it, which makes it even harder. At least ballet puts constraints right off the bat, you need flexibility and a specific body frame. Part 3 is about finding your passion AND putting in the work. Just finding your passion is hard! It’s not always the bottomless pit one could hope for, especially when it becomes a real job with hours upon hours of work. Many people don’t even know what their passion is, they know what they’re good at but don’t love it. “Without your passion, it’s very hard to find our place in the world.” I don’t think you need your income to come from your passion in order to find said place, but I wish everyone that many of the limited hours they have each day goes towards their passion, and not towards something that feels like a waste of time. Wanting to wake up has everything to do with what happens after your first cup of coffee. Put your time towards something meaningful to you, even if it’s only on evenings and week-ends and you’ll never make a penny from it. If you love animals, volunteer at a shelter. If you love to travel, just GO!

But what happens when your family conflicts with your passion? Would you leave them behind to pursue your dreams? We all remember the tragic scene from DEAD POETS SOCIETY where a young scholar gets forced by his father to become a doctor instead of his passion and commits suicide. And then we have this year’s COCO, Pixar’s big comeback, where music is prohibited in Miguel’s family but it’s all he dreams about. But that conundrum doesn’t even have to be confrontational in nature. What if you wanted to work in a low-paying field like online journalism because it’s what you love but your single parent (who always took care of you) became sick and needed you to take care of their treatment. What happens then? What comes first? I humbly try to answer that later in the segment, of course.

We always told you Daniel Radcliffe... you’re special. That’s why you have a scar on your forehead that looks like a bolt... Just kidding, poor guy. I look at Mark Hamill in THE LAST JEDI and keep thinking that if studios are still a private enterprise in 40 years, some new Harry Potter movie will come out in which an old bearded Radcliffe will be teaching at Hogwarts. (PS: he keeps making bold choices, so much so that I am willing to watch anything he’s in.)

A man’s reach... (or woman, btw) should exceed his/her grasp. Words from a poem by Robert Browning, suggesting that, to achieve anything worthwhile, a person should attempt even those things that may turn out to be impossible. The downside with attempting the impossible is two-fold, however. 1) You may spend your life trying and never succeed. 2) If you do get there after so much sacrifice and effort, the world will expect you to do it again, or to keep doing it at the same level or better. If you won a Gold medal at the last Olympics, what are the expectations for the upcoming Olympics? That’s where passions and dreams enter a darker road, one many people choose to avoid altogether. But whatever happens, it’s worth the risk as long as you have the one thing along the way that’s a hundred times more important. And that thing is...

...people who love each other! Look at this guy, he just figured it out!

Kate Mara in MEGAN LEAVEY really seems to be the one thinking out loud in this shot while we hear a quote from THEIR FINEST. I had a blast with the Freddy Krueger references earlier but this is my favorite part. Audiomachine make the best tracks to bring that crescendo to its proper peak. You can say this part of the mashup is more in my comfort zone. And the influences from Kees that I discussed earlier can be felt here. Some shots of objects and landscapes that aren’t thematically connected but keep a nice flow. I also handpicked the best cinematography of the year all at once here. MURDER ON THE ORIENT EXPRESS was a damn pretty movie, then SHAPE OF WATER, then THE MAN WHO INVENTED CHRISTMAS, then OKJA. Every shot looks like a million bucks. Notice the use of paper, letters and ink. I want to see you again, a character from EVERYTHING EVERYTHING writes on a sheet.

Family comes first is nice, but along with family comes conflict and distance at times. Things we said that we regret. Times we let each other down, or weren’t there when we needed to. All the papers dropping from the bridge, all the shots that refer to letter writing, that’s where I was going with that. Not always obvious because it moves so damn fast which is why I do this deconstruction blog post every year!

The final big lift from Disney’s BEAUTY AND THE BEAST! Also, the first frame I added onto my AVID timeline. This is how I organize my work basically. I pick the right songs, then I identify the exact moments in that song where a big moment should happen - if you use trailer music, it will be crystal clear what those are. And then I try money shots in each of these spots over and over until one really, really fits. Then, I ask myself how did we get here, how can I get to that point? And build around these big moments. The second shot I added into the mashup was the little girl in Part 1 under the bed who points to another version of herself sleeping in her bed and says “Shhh! That’s not me.” I put that in right when the music stopped, it became a big moment, and then I built around it in order to get there. Every editor works differently, but I am just sharing how I personally prefer to do it. Back in 2012, the first clip I added onto the timeline was “I have an army. We have a Hulk.” from THE AVENGERS which means I’ve been editing this way for five straight years.

Those letters of reaching out to people you care about. Apologies or wondering how they’re doing. Flying everywhere around Winston Churchill (that’s my dog’s name, he’s a Pembroke Welsh Corgi!) I guess you should always be the one to reach out in difficult situations with important people. The mistake is to not reach out, or convince yourself that they were dragging you down and you’re better off without them. That’s rarely the case, and you’ll never get over them when you know that’s not the case. Maybe they will reply someday, maybe they never will. But you swallowed your ego and you decided to give it one more shot. That’s the bravest thing we can do in this life, and I hope you’ll see it that way if the time comes. Happy New Year! Achieve your passions, take care of the ones you love and make it a wonderful day! (Halle Berry: “Aaaarrh!")

- Sleepy Skunk

#2017movietrailermashup

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dgarski · 4 years ago

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This Journey (Part XCVI)

A brother passes

I've been putting this off for several days, mostly because I am still in shock. I've been wanting to write about Mike, but a few things have kept me from having a chance to really sit down and think about what I want to say. Now that I have the time. I would like to start off with how much I still cannot believe that he is really gone. Like so much of the past year and a half, this too, feels like a really bad dream. I know that the best therapy for me is to both talk about things and write about them. So, I will try to be short-winded and brief. However, I will be starting from the very beginning so, "being brief", may prove to be an exercise in futility. That's okay, it's my blog and I can indulge as much as I wish.

Way, way back about 50 years ago, my younger brother and I met two kids who lived down the block from our house. Mark and Andy were also brothers who were the same age as my brother and I. We became friends and rode our bikes around the neighborhood, played basketball in their parents driveway, played hide and go seek...all the fun stuff kids did back then. I don't remember how old any of us were at the time, but Mark and Andy's two cousin's, Mike and Joe, were over to visit. It was the only time I can remember meeting them when we were all really young kids. Fast-forward about 8 or 9 years. Mark and I had become closer friends, because he and I started taking guitar lessons at the same time, way back in 1976. By the end of the 1970's, I had also become friends with another kid down the other block. A kid by the name of Curt. Well, by the time we were around 14, 15, 16 years old, Mark, Curt and I were inseparable. The three-musketeers, as it were. We did everything together. We spent a lot of time at Curt's house. It was a huge house and he had the entire upstairs to himself. So, we did a lot of sleepovers back then. We'd be up until late, eating snacks, drinking soda and talking on the CB radio, all night. Each of us had paper routes, so we always had money burning holes in our pockets.

By the time we were out of high school, many things had changed about our priorities as friends. This was mostly due to us chasing girls. We were driving, working jobs and trying to figure out how to have fun in a very boring town. Drinking alcohol seemed to be the answer to everything. Mark and Curt both took up smoking. I couldn't handle the coughing part, so I never really liked smoking anything. In 1983, Curt's older brother Peter died. This understandably devastated Curt and his family. Curt sort of became a little recluse. Mark and I tried to be there for him as much as we could. He was really messed up about Pete dying so suddenly. Mark and I hung out with him and tried to take his mind off of his loss. Mark's family has always had this annual tradition of camping up in Door County, Wisconsin every summer. Well, this was going to be the first time he and his two cousins were going to go by themselves without parents. Mark suggested that Curt and I go along for the trip. I was absolutely up for it. He was reluctant at first, and it took some doing, but we finally talked Curt into going too. This would turn out to be our first trip of many, to D.C. Mark, Mike and I rode our motorcycles while Curt and Joe took Curt's moms' car with all of our stuff.

Mike and Joe's parents had been up the week before us, and had left the camper at the site, for us to use when we got up there. I had only ever been up to northern Wisconsin, with my own family. The only difference was, we usually stayed in a cabin. I never really did the tent in the woods thing, and neither had Curt. In fact, Curt had never been camping in his life. It would be a brand new experience for him, and it proved to be just what he needed to deal with the death of his only brother. For the next several years, the camping trip became our annual thing. We all looked forward to it, all winter long. In 1984, I purchased a brand new, very fast motorcycle. Joe had also gotten a new bike too. Mike bought a ski boat, and we were about to add two new members, Jim and Chad, to the Door County alumni group. Joe and I decided that we would ride our new bikes up to D.C., Mike would pull his new boat and Jim would pull the camper with his old man's truck. Seven guys, one camper, one tent and a week to ten days to try to not kill one another. The next few years camping, were unique in their experiences. We met four girls from Green Bay in 1985. We kept in touch with them for a long time. Then in 1986, we met two more girls from Illinois. Every year brought a whole new meaning to camping. Throughout all of this time during the 1980′s, Mike, Mark, Jim, Curt and I went out a lot to clubs and venues in both Milwaukee and Kenosha. Curt became a bartender at his Uncle's restaurant. Mike and I used to drive down there to sit at the bar and wait for Curt to get done with his shift so we could go to another bar nearby, and shoot pool. Mark was in a relationship with his girlfriend and playing guitar in his band. Mike was doing pizza deliveries while he was going to college with Curt and Jim. I was working at the local bakery, six nights a week, and had very sparse socializing opportunities. Whatever fun I was going to have, was going to have to happen on a Saturday night, or not happen at all. Sometimes, Mike and Mark would come over to my apartment, and we’d have a few beers and watch a movie.

In 1988, everything changed. Mark and I moved to Orlando, Florida and left everything and everyone we knew, behind. We both desperately needed to start new lives. Curt, Mike, Jim and Joe had a difficult time with Mark and I leaving all we had ever known, to start over in a town 1250 miles away. A few times, they would come to visit with us, and other times, Mark and I went up to Wisconsin to see all of them. By the early-mid 1990's, the trips were few and far between. We had all been separated for a long time, and had all grown apart. We all moved on with our lives as adults. We weren't kids anymore. We had all established our own lives away from each other. Some got married and divorced, some had kids, some bought houses, some ended up with great paying jobs, and some didn't. Regardless, the original brotherhood remained. Time has a way of reminding us that the only thing permanent is change. We all did the best we could with what we had.

By the time we all entered our 40's, the only thing we all really had left in common, was our history together. This sometimes proved to not be enough. We had all changed so much that any sort of visits were brief and relatively insignificant. I went back to Wisconsin a few times for Christmas. Mark did his own trips back to Racine, as well. Everyone had long since changed into completely different people. I flew back to Wisconsin in 1998, to go on the annual trip up to Door County. Unfortunately, it wasn't very much fun for me. Too much had changed and it would end up being the last time I would go camping with those guys. In 2004, Mike flew down to Florida for a business trip. He, Mark and I got together and went out to dinner and shot some pool. Mark was dealing with a lot of domestic issues in his marriage which would eventually end up in a really bad divorce. He and I would hang out a few times and I would try to be there for him while he was going through his divorce.

In 2009, Mike flew down to Florida again, for another business trip. He drove over from his meeting in Tampa to stay at my apartment. Mark came over and spent the night as well. This would prove to be the last time the three of us would be together. In early 2014, I lost touch with Mark. He disappeared off the radar. We're now all in our 50's. None of us are who we were, even a few years ago. So, much had changed over the years..and as much as we all tried reliving those leftover fragments of our youth, it just wasn't going to happen, effortlessly.

March 6, 2019, I have my collapse. I ended up back in Wisconsin to recover and heal at my parents house. One night, I got a text from Mike, asking me if I wanted he and Joe and Curt to pick me up to go get pizza. I agreed. They drove up and got out of the car, came up to me and each of them embraced me as their brother. They knew that I had almost died. I think it really shook them. The four of us went to the pizza place we had gone to a million times before. They asked me a lot of questions about my health and what I had been through. We sat and ate and talked for about two hours. We finished up with our pizza and headed out the door. We pulled up at my parents house and they let me out. This would be the last time I would ever see Mike.

I made it back home to Orlando, last January. I hadn't stayed in touch with any of those guys. We had all gone our separate ways, once again. Here it is, a few months later, and I am slowly getting my life back together. Then last Friday, while I was at work, I saw a Facebook post from one of the girls (Lori), we'd all known from camping, since 1983. It was the first time I would read about Mike being killed in an accident. I couldn't really absorb what I was reading. It had to be a mistake. I messaged Lori and asked her what had happened to Mike, She assumed that I already knew that he had died two days earlier. I, of course, had no idea Mike was dead.

Mike is gone. It still seems like a bad dream to me. It just doesn't seem real. I haven't talked with Curt or anyone from the original gang, yet. I still don't know what happened to Mike. How he was killed. All I know is that it was a vehicle versus bicycle accident. Mike's obituary finally made it to the Internet yesterday. His funeral is this coming Sunday afternoon. I won't be going up there for the ceremony. I really feel badly for Mark. He lost his other cousin, Jim, back on April 24th. Now, he's lost another cousin, only a few days ago.

It is so hard to believe that Mike is gone. He did everything right. He went to college, got a good job, got married, lived in a really nice house, built an old motorcycle, drove out to Colorado on motorcycles, with his brother Joe, and lived a comfortable life. He had everything going for him. A bright future and retirement with his wife, Beverly. Then this tragedy ended his life. Not to sound too self-indulgent, but I can't help but wonder about life and death. Last year, I almost died and I lived. This year, Mike died. There is no rhyme or reason to any of it. We're here and then we're gone. Just like that. Poof, you're gone.

I will always remember Mike as a very smart, very funny guy. I will miss him, just like I miss all of those guys and the lives of our youth. Rest in Peace, Mike.

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gigsoupmusic · 5 years ago

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Y△CHT (Colours Hoxton, London - 13 Feb 2020)

Last night we were absolutely privileged to see one of the most innovative bands of the day perform at the lovely Hoxton venue that is Colours. YACHT (or, to be more exact, Y△CHT) are a band hailing from Portland, Oregon, though now are based in Los Angeles. They have been going strong since 2002; the spelling of their name is not a typo (the A is stylised as a triangle, and evokes the sail of a yacht). The name itself comes from a rather strange science course (no longer in existence) that keyboardist Jona Bechtolt attended at age 16 called "Young Americans Challenging High Technology".

Comprised of Claire L. Evans on lead vocals, the aforementioned Jona on keyboards (and guitar), and Rob Kieswetter (aka Bobby Birdman) on bass and keyboards, Y△CHT have, according to Claire, finally found 'the holy trinity' following a number of permutations.

Y△CHT have been making headlines lately for all the right reasons: they have created a fantastic new album called Chain Tripping, for which both the music and the lyrics were composed via Artificial Intelligence. Last night was, mainly, about showcasing this new album. Yes, you heard that right. A variety of different AI processes were used to write not just the lyrics but the music as well. It should come as no surprise that Claire has a science background. Author of a recent book called Broad Band: The Untold Story of the Women Who Made the Internet, she has been very much at the forefront of science-tech, with her own blog Universe (hosted by National Geographic), as well as regular science columns in The Guardian, Wired and many other publications, plus Futures Editor of Vice's 'Motherland' science website. Y△CHT have, therefore, been pushing the boundaries of AI and musical composition to its limits.

The first thing we noticed was that the band decided, for reasons unexplained at the time, to perform the entire Chain Tripping album backwards. By backwards, we mean starting with track 10 ("Little Instant") and finishing with track 1 ("(Downtown) Dancing"), though we wouldn't put it past them to decide to play the actual music backwards one evening as an experiment! Claire has a tremendous amount of energy on stage. She is constantly throwing shapes (think: cover of David Bowie's Heroes album, and vogue it up a bit), so much so that half the photographs we took ended up having to be discarded, as she was a blurry mess. Even Jona and Rob failed to keep still for long, often interchanging mid-song two or three times with one another's keyboards, which were located at opposite ends of the stage.

So, the stage was pretty busy, and the crowd were soon screaming with pleasure. Although a band should of course mainly be about the music, there is nothing more boring than seeing static band-members. We enjoyed the first three songs (the last three on the album), in particular the very cheerful "Stick it to the Station". Our first stand-out song, however, had to be song 4, "Sad Money", which was quite different, and a lot more trancey. We asked Claire later which songs from the album were likely to remain in the repertoire when they perform a Greatest Hits concert rather than an album showcase like we heard last night. We were delighted to hear that "Sad Money" is one of their favourites and therefore likely to make the cut. Following that came a much slower song, called "Death" – which just so happened to be the first track that their software churned out when they started with this AI experiment. This was quite dark, and included some rather violent lyrics, including 'stab, stab, stab a cop' repeated a number of times. We asked Claire later about this, and whether the fact that software coming up with controversial lyrics means that the lyricist can be exonerated, therefore implying that self-censorship is no longer necessary in this future world. She agreed it was a good point, and there would certainly be some plausible deniability. However, at the end of the day, the band were still involved in the selection process of the lyrics from those that were generated. The actual lyrics, nonetheless, were not something they would have come up with themselves, but the band thought it rather delightful that the AI process should decide to suggest such strange phrases.

In between tracks, Claire would often address her audience. This again made the gig appear to be much more intimate (in spite of the fact that the venue was heaving with bodies). What was most obvious was how different each of these new songs actually are, from the very 80s sound of "Loud Light" to the quite bonkers track "SCATTERHEAD". On the latter, we loved the use of the cowbell and great guitar effects, which were also evident on "Hey Hey", another 80s-influenced uplifting track which includes quite a dirty deep-house synth on top of a Kim Dealesque bass-line. The strobes came on for "(Downtown) Dancing", the first track on the album. This was the longest song thus far, and included a funky dance bit that was evocative of the famous section in the middle of Michael Jackson's "Thriller". Again, we loved the cowbell. Claire got the entire auditorium clapping at one point, adding to the party atmosphere.

Hearing the album back-to-front, it now made sense why it should be performed that way, as it meant there was a real build-up to that final moment. Of course, this was not the end of the gig. Even with albums as good as Chain Tripping, a lot of people would have felt short-changed had some of the older songs not been performed as well. Y△CHT went on to perform six non-AI songs in total, starting with two from their 2015 album, I Thought the Future Would be Cooler: firstly the track which shares the aforementioned album's name, and then "Hologram". This was followed by "Hard World" from their 2017 Strawberry Moon album, a song about animal rights which was accompanied by the projection of their trippy video featuring a happy foot and a sad foot. This was another song during which the two male components of the band were swapping sides and instruments throughout the song. We share the video in question below: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8D-Z9rUvlqM Following this came one of our favourite tracks, their cover of Brigitte Fontaine's 1969 utterly surreal French-language song, "Le Goudron". This cover appeared as an online single in 2012 and is well worth downloading. We actually first came across it while watching a superb Italian comedy directed by Paolo Sorrentino about Berlusconi called Loro, in a scene where a rich young scam-artist is trying to entice Berlusconi to an orgiastic party in a villa overlooking the politician's garden. This tune featured in the scene below, and it was a Shazam moment. Thanks to both technology and serendipity, we learnt of this fantastic track, which led us to the band's back catalogue and, ultimately, reviewing them for GIGsoup. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJiiVWFozs0 "Le Goudron" really is a splendid tune, and is probably the most psychedelic of the ones they played last night. The irony is, when you translate the French lyrics into English, they are as bizarre as some of the ones that AI has thrown up for their new album! Following one of those pseudo-encores we wish weren't a thing (we can't remember the last time we heard a genuine encore that the band had not already orchestrated), Y△CHT returned with what was probably their loudest (and certainly most new-wave) track, "Dystopia (The Earth is on Fire)" from their 2011 album Shangri-La, and then ended with the pure pop funness of "Psychic City" from their 2009 album See Mystery Lights, which was coincidentally the first of their albums to feature Claire.

So, will Y△CHT use this process to make another AI album?, we ask Claire after the gig. 'Yeah, I think some variation upon it. But by the time we sit down to make another record the technology will probably have evolved by leaps and bounds. It already has. Since releasing the album, the tools that we used are obsolete. So, I'm excited to try to find some other cobbled-together mix of futuristic tools for the next record that challenges us in the same way that this one did. I don't want to get stuck in a rut.' We were interested to find out whether, by using AI, they felt that some of the creative process of songwriting was taken away from them, but Claire was adamant that she did not feel that way at all. The process allowed them to end up with tons of song lyrics, from which a small percentage was useful. These would then be rearranged (or 'cut up') following a method which has its origins in Dadaist poetry, was famously used by the author William S. Burroughs, and also employed by David Bowie on some of his greatest and most-loved albums.

These single lines of subsequently rearranged lyrics were generated by inputting into the software not just the lyrics from Y△CHT's entire back-catalogue (to give the process an identity closer to the band's original style), but also lyrics from some of their favourite artists, such as Patti Smith or Bowie himself. We asked Claire whether they had to remove some of the generated lyrics because they appeared to be too close to something Bowie or Smith would have themselves written. 'No, the amount of data that you need to train a machine-running algorithm is so significant. I mean, it's literally like seven-hundred thousand pages of text. So the nuances get lost. It's more like you're teaching a machine English based on only song lyrics.' Last night really was a fantastic show, and when Claire addressed the audience in her effervescent manner it seemed especially intimate. We referred earlier to how Y△CHT are now making headlines for all the right reasons. It wasn't always thus: in 2016 they suffered what amounted to a PR disaster when they pretended that they were trying to stop a sex tape they had made from being leaked on the adult website Pornhub, which generated a lot of negative publicity. We personally found the video to be quite innovative – it has a disturbing sci-fi ending – but the band are very remorseful about the stunt and acknowledge that it was in bad taste and should never have been done.

Now, however, it is all about the future, in more ways than one. Thanks to their scientific knowledge, we know that using AI is really just the start of it. It is marvellous to have innovative standard-bearers in modern music today. We have felt that in recent years, there has been nothing new any more. Previous generations had Kraftwerk, Frippertronics, Phil Spector's Wall of Sound... there seemed to be very little new to be coming out of the studios for the current generation. This is now changing. Thank you, Y△CHT, for making the future of music a little more exciting and a little more cute. Read the full article

#AI #BobbyBirdman #ChainTripping #ClaireL.Evans #ColoursHoxton #JonaBechtolt #musicinnovation #Y△CHT #YACHT

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sassyshoulderangel319 · 7 years ago

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MCU Timeline, Re: Homecoming

Bear in mind with this that Marvel evidently sucks at keeping track of their own timeline, given in The Winter Solider Bucky has two birth years on his memorial wall. (Seriously, Marvel, wth?)

So, Iron Man takes place in 2008, as guessed by the events of Civil War’s release date corresponding to the actual year it was released, and Sam saying they looked for Bucky for two years corresponding to the release of The Winter Soldier, and Vision saying it’s been eight years since Tony Stark announced himself as Iron Man. (Also apparently there’s a date on the Mad Money episode Pepper is watching that says 2008—I’ll have to go look at that later to make sure)

Iron Man 2 takes place six months later, maybe 2009. Maybe.

A “Fun Fact” I’ve seen floating around the internet is that Iron Man 2, Thor, and The Incredible Hulk all take place in the same week (jokingly referred to as “Fury’s Big Week”). So, again somewhere between 2009/2008.

I’m going to make a leap here and suggest that The Avengers doesn’t actually take place too long after that, not corresponding to it’s own release date. Fury mentions that Thor showed up “last year,” which could mean it’s a year later, or just a couple months, but now in a new calendar year.

I’ve seen that screenshot post floating around that Steve had been out of the ice for ten days when the first Avengers movie happened, so it’s maybe 2010 when they thaw him out. So about 2010 when The Avengers takes place.

Then Iron Man 3 is 2013 (there’s a newspaper with a year on it), back on track with release dates corresponding with the timeline. So it’s been a while since the disassembling. Got it. Okay.

(Both Guardians of the Galaxy movies take place in 2014, with Vol. 2 being set a few months after the first one, according to IMDb.)

I’m just going to guess that Thor: The Dark World is in 2014-ish (maybe late 2013) because why not? Remember that Agents of SHIELD episode where Simmons is like, “They left a giant mess!”? Yeah I’m running with it because honestly, this is me trying to figure this out for my own purposes.

And The Winter Soldier is also in 2014 because that’s when it was released and it works with Civil War’s timeline, as I mentioned above.

Age of Ultron is in 2015, still working with the release dates, and then Ant-Man as well, because there’s that newspaper article Scott lands on that says, “Who was responsible for Sokovia?” Implying that it was recent. (Also Hank Pym says that The Avengers are probably too busy dropping cities out of the sky. Obvious reference that it’s probably recent. And just after AoU, the New Avengers Facility in upstate New York is opened and that’s where Scott infiltrates.)

Doctor Strange has awards that say 2016 in his display case, so it’s probably around there too, despite his months of training at Kamar-Taj that kind of throw me off. I assume the movie begins in early 2016, and then ends around it’s release date in November because there was snow in NYC when the Ancient One talks to Strange in their astral forms.

Captain America: Civil War is where it gets complicated when it comes to Homecoming. Why?

Because Peter says he nailed his algebra test, implying it’s still during the school year. Yet Homecoming takes place in September (as evidenced by his Academic Decathlon poster saying September 14 because I’m a nerd and I noticed), “Two Months Later.” Meaning Civil War takes place in July? Then why would Peter have an algebra test?

As well as Homecoming saying it’s been eight years since The Avengers, making it roughly 2018 instead, unless The Avengers took place in 2009, making it 2017.

Or unless someone is rounding up. Something could have been 7.5 years and someone’s just saying eight to be clean.

Hey, Marvel? Yeah, you’re killing me here. WRITE YOUR TIMELINE DOWN TO BE CONSISTENT SO I DON’T PULL MY HAIR OUT TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE HECK IS HAPPENING HERE.

Side note about Timelines: WHY THE HECK ARE THE ACADEMIC DECATHLON NATIONALS IN SEPTEMBER?! Shouldn’t they at least be in winter, if not early spring so the teams have time to, oh, you know, actually compete and make it to Nationals instead of holding them three weeks after school starts again?!

Look, I went to high school in Western America, so I don’t know how the East Coast works, but if it’s Nationals, the west would be included and that just… doesn’t make any sense. It wouldn’t be Nationals for last year’s team because the seniors on the team would be graduated and gone.

#MCU #MCU Timeline #WTH #why marvel why #just write things down so it's consistent!#UGH #SpiderMan #Spider-Man #Spider Man #Spider-Man: Homecoming #Marvel

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onlinemarketinghelp · 5 years ago

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10 Interesting Ways You Can Make Money Driving https://ift.tt/2km1Sat

If you have access to a reasonably reliable car, then congratulations! A decent car is the biggest asset most Americans own, other than their houses. I've seen some people try to raise fast cash by selling their cars, in fact.

But what you might not realize is that there are a lot of other ways to make money using your car. If you have a car and don't mind driving it around, then you're well on your way to earning hundreds of dollars on the side every month.

This has been true for decades — a paper route or a pizza delivery job has always meant using your own wheels — but the app-based gig economy and the Internet generally has vastly expanded the ease of getting paid to drive your own car. Without further ado, here are some of the best ways to start making money driving your car today.

Quick Navigation

1. Ridesharing

2. App-Based Delivery

3. Renting Your Car

4. Advertising

5. Help People Move

6. Be a Safe Driver

7. Deliver for Amazon

8. Elder Transit

9. Nannying and Babysitting

10. Use Your Car as a Boost on Job Applications

Final Thoughts

1. Ridesharing

Uber isn't a new company anymore — around since 2009, it's still the dominant player in ridesharing. Its competitor, Lyft, which has been operating since 2012, has a reputation for being a little friendlier to prospective drivers. Many people keep both apps open, though, as a way to make more money more reliably.

Uber and Lyft have their downsides — you might put a lot of wear and tear on your car, for example, and there's some disturbing evidence that safe drivers earn less on the apps than people who speed — but there's no doubt that if you have the right kind of car and a clean driving record, they're very easy, reliable ways to make money driving your car.

They might be especially good if you're willing to work Friday and Saturday nights in busy areas of major cities, or during rush hour. You get paid per minute and per mile, but exactly how much can depend on what time of day it is because of "surge pricing," which charges riders more during busy times of day.

Uber and Lyft both have fairly stringent requirements for what kind of car you can have; it needs to be a newer car and have four doors, for starters, in addition to state-by-state standards. (Don't have a car that meets the requirements? Try HyreCar.)

To see Lyft's state-by-state requirements check here.

To see Uber's check here.

If you only have a two-door car, you can't use it for passengers — but may still be able to use it for deliveries.

Get Started:

Become an Uber partner here >>

Become a Lyft partner here >>

2. App-Based Delivery

These days, everyone wants food and other items delivered directly to their door! If you're willing to put the work in instead, you can spend your time listening to music while you drive food from restaurant to house. Most people who work for these services seem to make around $10 to $20 an hour, and of course scheduling is flexible — you choose when you sign up to work, rather than being assigned by a manager.

One of the most popular delivery services is Uber Eats. You can deliver food instead of people!

DoorDash is another good app for people whose cars can't meet Uber's and Lyft's requirements. You just have to be 18 with a clean driving record. You deliver food but also other items from area stores. With DoorDash, you get paid per delivery and also keep tips.

One great thing about DoorDash: you are guaranteed a minimum of $10 per hour even if business is slow enough that you wouldn't otherwise make that! Average pay is anywhere from $10 to $20, and up to $25 per hour. Plus, as a consumer, DoorDash is my current favorite food delivery service.

If you're a college student you might try Tapingo, which focuses on campus delivery. Otherwise your options are pretty much legion! Seamless and Grubhub (if you drive for one, you drive for both!) are restaurant delivery services. All you have to do is schedule a block of time, then follow the app's directions to pick up food from various restaurants and drop it off. You get paid per delivery, and can also keep any tips from customers.

If you're willing to do a bit more than just pick up pre-packaged orders and drop them off, Instacart could be a great choice. You go grocery shopping for people using their list, then drop their groceries off at their house using your car. You can make $10 to $25 an hour depending on how busy the service is when you want to work.

Finally, Postmates has become very popular recently. The service gives you a prepaid card you can use to buy whatever people have ordered, at which point you deliver it to them. People might order food, but might also want garden tools, clothes, cleaning supplies, jewelry, or almost anything you could imagine! You get paid quickly — by direct deposit within a week.

To Get Started:

Get started with UberEats here >>

Get stated with DoorDash here >>

Get started with Instacart here >>

Get started with Postmates here >>

3. Renting Your Car

One of the annoying things about tying up money in major assets like a house or a car is that often they "just sit there" while you're not actively using them. Airbnb helps you take advantage of unused bedrooms, and you can do the same thing with your car.

Turo is another service that lets you rent your car Airbnb-style. The car has to be from 2005 or newer, have a clean title, and have less than 130,000 miles on it. There's a cool calculator on the site that lets you plug in some basics and find out how much you could earn.

Getaround, for example, allows you to rent your car out while it would otherwise be parked — so you can not only avoid parking lot fees but even make some money! Getaround covers insurance, vets renters, and installs a device that lets people get into your car without the key. How much you can make depends on how nice your car is, but it could be thousands of dollars a year. (Getaround takes 40% of rental fees, and you get 60%, paid out once a month.)

Funnily enough, if you have a nice car you can rent it to rideshare drivers without driving it yourself! HyreCar lets you rent your car out to Uber/Lyft drivers. The service says you can make up to $1,100 a month, though as usual the exact amount depends on where you are and what kind of car you have, in addition to how often you want to make it available.

To Get Started:

Get started with Turo here >>

Get started with Getaround here >>

4. Advertising

What if you don't want to put any "extra" miles on your car? With the options we've talked about so far, you need to be willing to drive more than you normally would.

But what if you could make money just by driving your car around normally? If you're willing to put advertising on your car, it turns out you can make a considerable amount.

Wrapify is an app-based service that lets you connect with potential advertisers. Once you sign up and download the app, the service logs where you go for a while. Then it matches you with a campaign for local or national companies, and partially or fully "wraps" your car (don't worry — the wraps are removable and won't damage the car). Depending on your car, your location, and how much of your car is covered, you could make 100 to $450 a month without doing anything you don't normally do.

To Get Started:

Try Wrapify here >>

5. Help People Move

I lived in New York City for a long time, where I didn't have a car and almost none of my friends did either. So when I needed to move something I couldn't carry in my backpack, I usually hired a "man with a van" (who was sometimes a woman with a hatchback car!) from Craigslist. You don't necessarily have to help people carry their items, or have a huge car, although it might help you get hired more often. You can make $20 to $50 an hour depending on your location and what services you can offer.

If you do have a cargo van or a box truck, in addition to Craigslist you could try apps like GoShare.

Check out the new app Dolly, which allows you to connect with people who are looking to have stuff moved. Everything from moving a house, to picking up items from a garage sale.

To Get Started:

Get started with Dolly here >>

6. Be a Safe Driver

Mostly, you pay your insurance company. But some companies will pay you to be a safe driver.

Allstate, for example, will cut you a $50 check every six months you don't have an accident. Nothing to do but drive safely!

Other insurance companies will give you discounts (which is a lot like free money!) for safe driving. State Farm discounts insurance up to 50% if its smartphone app says you're driving safely (in other words, the app tracks some things about the way you're driving, like how fast you go and whether you come to a complete stop, and tells State Farm whether you're a good driver or not; you get discounts based on that info).

7. Deliver for Amazon

Amazon Flex is Amazon's solution to one of its biggest problems: its customers want delivery faster and faster, and the post office, UPS, and FedEx aren't necessarily able to get things to customers within an hour or two of orders coming in!

You can use your own car to be a courier for Amazon using Amazon Flex. You can make $18 to $25 an hour. Like with many delivery services, you schedule a block of availability. Then you pick packages up from an Amazon warehouse and the app gives you directions for delivering them.

Amazon only hires in certain markets, on a rolling basis. Right now, in mid-August 2018, it's hiring in New York City, northern Virginia, Rochester, Pittsburgh, and a few other cities. If you don't live in one of those locations, you'll need to put your information in and Amazon will contact you when they're hiring in your area.

8. Elder Transit

There are a lot of people who need to get around, but who are too young or too old to drive themselves. Some elderly people use ridesharing services "normally," using their own smartphones, but others need more help.

ElderCare.com and other local services in your community might help you find jobs that include transporting senior citizens in your own car. (Some cities also have partnerships with Uber or Lyft to connect seniors to rides.)

9. Nannying and Babysitting

If you live on a college campus you may have a lot of access to childcare jobs — you can advertise yourself, or answer ads on your college's network. A lot of childcare jobs involve transporting kids — dropping them off or picking them up at summer camp, school, daycare, and so on.

HopSkipDrive is a service that transports kids ages six and up. Right now it operates in California and Colorado (Denver area.) As you might imagine, there are fairly stringent requirements for potential drivers. You need to be at least 23 years old, not 18 (as with most driving services), and have 5 years of childcare experience. You also need a clean driving record and need to pass a background check which includes fingerprints and an in-person interview. And you'll need a 2008 (or newer) car with four doors.

However, if you can meet these requirements, you can make more money per hour than you do with traditional rideshare services — up to $30 per hour.

10. Use Your Car as a Boost on Job Applications

There are hundreds of jobs that aren't app-based that nevertheless give a boost to people who have reliable cars. Some examples include:

Delivery driver for a specific restaurant

Working on a film, a music show, or something else where you can transport equipment

Social worker (travel to clients' houses)

Nurse or occupational therapist (travel to clients' houses)

Event photography, catering, decorating, working for party or wedding venues

In-home hairdressing, cleaning, and any other service occupation where people might like you to come to them rather than coming to meet you in an office or shop

Some of these jobs require specialized skills, like occupational therapy. But others are gigs you can pick up on Craigslist or other local job boards.

Final Thoughts

Overall, if you already own a car, you're in a great position to pick up an easy side gig that involves driving a few hours a week. But car ownership can also give you access to other jobs that aren't "driving" jobs but do depend on reliable transportation.

Cars aren't "investments" in the way that stocks are, or even houses — they always decrease in value over time. But if you can make money using your car in the meantime, you can offset some of that depreciation and pick up extra cash along the way.

The post 10 Interesting Ways You Can Make Money Driving appeared first on The College Investor.

from The College Investor

Quick Navigation

1. Ridesharing

2. App-Based Delivery

3. Renting Your Car

4. Advertising

5. Help People Move

6. Be a Safe Driver

7. Deliver for Amazon

8. Elder Transit

9. Nannying and Babysitting

10. Use Your Car as a Boost on Job Applications

Final Thoughts

1. Ridesharing

To see Lyft's state-by-state requirements check here.

To see Uber's check here.

If you only have a two-door car, you can't use it for passengers — but may still be able to use it for deliveries.

Get Started:

Become an Uber partner here >>

Become a Lyft partner here >>

2. App-Based Delivery

One of the most popular delivery services is Uber Eats. You can deliver food instead of people!

To Get Started:

Get started with UberEats here >>

Get stated with DoorDash here >>

Get started with Instacart here >>

Get started with Postmates here >>

3. Renting Your Car

To Get Started:

Get started with Turo here >>

Get started with Getaround here >>

4. Advertising

What if you don't want to put any "extra" miles on your car? With the options we've talked about so far, you need to be willing to drive more than you normally would.

But what if you could make money just by driving your car around normally? If you're willing to put advertising on your car, it turns out you can make a considerable amount.

To Get Started:

Try Wrapify here >>

5. Help People Move

If you do have a cargo van or a box truck, in addition to Craigslist you could try apps like GoShare.

Check out the new app Dolly, which allows you to connect with people who are looking to have stuff moved. Everything from moving a house, to picking up items from a garage sale.

To Get Started:

Get started with Dolly here >>

6. Be a Safe Driver

Mostly, you pay your insurance company. But some companies will pay you to be a safe driver.

Allstate, for example, will cut you a $50 check every six months you don't have an accident. Nothing to do but drive safely!

7. Deliver for Amazon

8. Elder Transit

9. Nannying and Babysitting

However, if you can meet these requirements, you can make more money per hour than you do with traditional rideshare services — up to $30 per hour.

10. Use Your Car as a Boost on Job Applications

There are hundreds of jobs that aren't app-based that nevertheless give a boost to people who have reliable cars. Some examples include:

Delivery driver for a specific restaurant

Working on a film, a music show, or something else where you can transport equipment

Social worker (travel to clients' houses)

Nurse or occupational therapist (travel to clients' houses)

Event photography, catering, decorating, working for party or wedding venues

In-home hairdressing, cleaning, and any other service occupation where people might like you to come to them rather than coming to meet you in an office or shop

Some of these jobs require specialized skills, like occupational therapy. But others are gigs you can pick up on Craigslist or other local job boards.

Final Thoughts

The post 10 Interesting Ways You Can Make Money Driving appeared first on The College Investor.

https://ift.tt/2lKUGoJ September 02, 2019 at 10:15AM https://ift.tt/2NwABvz

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