#alright done! god what a journey | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

persefolli · 2 years ago

Text

𝐊𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐚'𝐬 𝐚 𝐁𝐢𝐭𝐜𝐡

𝟏𝟎𝟎𝟎 𝐅𝐎𝐋𝐋𝐎𝐖𝐄𝐑 𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐂𝐈𝐀𝐋!!!!!!!

𝐀/𝐧: 𝐆𝐮𝐲𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐒𝐎 𝐒𝐎 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡 𝟏,𝟎𝟎𝟎 𝐟𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐬. 𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐈 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐈 𝐝𝐢𝐝 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐚𝐬 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐧𝐨𝐢𝐬𝐞 𝐚𝐬 𝐢�� 𝐝𝐢𝐝. 𝐈 𝐚𝐦 𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐡𝐮𝐦𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐠𝐮𝐲𝐬'𝐬 𝐬𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭. 𝐈'𝐯𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝐬𝐨 𝐈 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐞𝐧𝐣𝐨𝐲!!!

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: 𝐓𝐨𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐢 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: 𝐁𝐮𝐥𝐥𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐀𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭, 𝐒𝐦𝐮𝐭

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: 𝐑𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐨 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐢𝐭'𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐜𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐡

You looked at Ronal with a sad look as she laughed along with her clique. They were currently laughing at your outfit, which was a little…odd to say the least. What hurt most is that Ronal had picked the outfit for you, and assured you that you looked just fine.

The two of you have been best friends for years, and the older the two of you grew the more…bitchy Ronal became. It got bad in highschool, to a point where you stopped attending for some time. After a huge fallout with her friends, Ronal came back running, and you let the feeling of nostalgia make your decision in forgiving her.

You graduated together and went on a journey of womanhood after turning 18. It wasn’t just you two though, you accumulated a very well known friendgroup in Awa’atlu, and everyone wanted to get in with the crew, but lately they’ve turned you into the punching bag of the group.

“I’m gonna change.” You mumbled, walking off from the group and heading home, where you were gonna mope the rest of the night.

“Oof-” You grunted bumping into someone. Looking up you made eye contact with Tonowari, the future Olo’eyktan of the clan. “I’m sorry!” You nodded your head towards him and looked at him for approval.

Tonowari was quiet, popular, but quiet. He mastered a lot of adult-like duties as a teenager, which made him a very tough warrior for his class. All the guys in your age group strived to be like him, if not, they wanted to look like him. He was tall, pretty, had nice hair, and smelled really good. Tonowari was humble. Even though he would lead the clan one day, he still opted to be treated like everyone else.

God you were swooning again, like every other girl in the clan.

Tonowari quirked his eyebrow and patted your shoulder. “It’s alright.” He said lowly. “Stay safe.” Tonowari jogged off to the beach, where his friends stood whooping and celebrating his arrival.

You found yourself staring at him, looking at the way he smiled once he came in contact with his bro’s, but you snapped out of it realizing how wrong it was.

Ronal had a big crush on Tonowari for a while, and with her popularity it was a slim chance he would reject her. Everyone shipped them together, and although Tonowari has yet to acknowledge her, Ronal relished the title of his future girlfriend and most likely, Tsahik.

At home you changed your clothes, and began cleaning for the night, getting rid of your dinner bowls and laundry you’d done before you went out today. As the eclipse settled, you waited for the dreaded beast herself.

“Y/n.” Ronal came knocking at the door. You huffed, folding one of your spare loincloths. You didn’t turn to face her as she approached. It was the same cycle of embarrassing you, apologizing in private, and doing the same thing the next day.

“You should've come back.”

“I was embarrassed!” You snapped at her.

“The top was fine, no one has perfect taste.”

You clenched the clothes and slowly turned your head to her. The audacity of this bitch! She was the one who got you the top, and told you that it flattered you compared to your normal clothing. Not wanting to explode, you nodded, turning back and doing your laundry.

“Remember the bonfire is tomorrow, wear cute clothes.”

“What will you be wearing?” You asked.

“Something that will catch my future husband's attention.” Ronal twirled and chuckled. “Tonowari’s coming, heard from a birdie.”

“Oh.” You said. “Bumped into him today, he was going riding with the others.”

Ronal fell silent, and wasn’t in your line of sight. Suddenly you were spun around, Ronal in your face and nails dug into your shoulders. “What did he say? What did you say to him?”

“I apologized and he told me it was okay and to be safe.” You said swiftly, wincing in pain from her nails. Ronal let go and hissed at you, “Next time just walk off.”

---

The next day you spent inside, sewing decorations onto your top for the bonfire tonight. The bonfire was an annual celebration for the young adults of Awa’atlu, it was the only night you could let loose with no consequences. You and Ronal went every year, watching as guys set fire to large piles of wood and wrastle over stupid banters.

You braided pieces of your hair and pulled the braids back, curating some sort of half-up half down style. You were meeting Ronal at the bonfire, since she opted to show up after everyone else.

When you were ready you waited until the eclipse to leave your home, you merged into another group of Metkayina members who were heading to the other side of the reef as well. You looked into the sky and saw the hue of light coming from somewhere on the ground. Smoke rose from the fire and you sniffed, smiling at the smell of burnt wood spreading across the reef.

Nights like this were really fun, it was a night you didn’t have to worry about hanging out with just Ronal and her minions. It was also a night you finally got a little attention from guys.

You arrived at the sectioned off part of the reef with the group, eyes lighting up at the crowds of na’vi dancing and running around. People had already gotten their fix of drinks and rolled around in the sand drunkenly. “Y/n over here!” You heard a voice call you over. You looked and saw a person from you and Ronal’s friend group calling you over.

“Hi guys!” You walked over and hugged the girl, taking the extra drink she had in her hand.

“Ronal hasn’t come yet?” You asked.

She shook her head. “You know how she gets. And look who's already here.” She pointed straight and you followed her finger to see Tonowari. He sat on a large stray branch, looking around at his friends that were chatting. He wore a beautiful necklace and his hair was prettily braided into rows that formed a bun at the top part of his head, the rest of his silky hair flowed beautifully down his back, going past his shoulders. Once again you were staring, but snapped out of it as cheering began. You looked over to see Ronal approaching, wearing a dramatic headdress and jewelry to complement it.

You began clapping, inviting her over to your large group of friends who waited on her.

“The queen has arrived.” Ronal twirled in front of you. She glared at you but slowly smiled. “You look nice.” She commented.

“Thanks. Wanted to try something new.”

“Better than yesterday's fit.” The na’vi who were there to witness the incident began snickering, causing you to frown.

You shook your head and raised your empty cup. “I’m gonna go drink.” You made your exit from the crowd and found refuge near the drink table, where all sorts of intoxicated people hung out. “Fill me up.” You slid your cup over to the ‘bartender’ and watched as he filled your cup with a red substance. Nodding at him you took the full cup and began wandering around, looking at the different things people were doing.

As you stood alone, feet planted in the sand, you felt a pair of eyes watching you. You looked around, attempting to find the source of attention but couldn't.

“Hey.”

You jumped, looking at the tall Metkayina male next to you. “Hi.” You softly smiled. He'd probably been the source of eyes.

“Remember me? We met last year.”

You quirked an eyebrow and inspected the male one more time. It took you a few moments but you perked up. “Oh yeah! The one from the keg stand.”

“In the flesh.” He chuckled.

“How have you been? I haven't seen you around.”

He sighed, “Busy as fuck. Training to become the general.”

“This young?!”

“Yeah.” He smiled. “I gotta get up there with the rest.” You nodded in agreement. A lot of the Metkayina males were very ambitious at a young age, so hearing what he was aiming for didn't come as a surprise.

“What about you?” He leaned in closer and smiled.

You felt yourself getting nervous, “I-I was thinking about starting a clothing business.”

“Shit, really?” He said hyped up.

“Yeah.” You pulled at the top you were wearing. “I made this.” You displayed the fancy top you were wearing

“You look good in it.” He smiled, licking his bottom lip as he did so. You turned your head to avoid showing him the large smile that was forming on your face.

“How about we ditch this stand and go dance.” He nodded towards the na’vi that were closer to the fire dancing. “Fuck it.” You exclaimed and grabbed his hand as the two of you ran through the crowd to the dancers.

The bass of the drums boomed in your chest and you began dancing. Holding onto the guy's hand, you smiled as you gracefully swayed to the music. Even though it was a lot of people and it wasn't usually your scene, you still managed to block everyone out and have fun.

You allowed him to dance closer to you, grabbing your hips and pulling you in.

“You got better rhythm than me.” He complimented.

“I've been told.” You said cockily. The liquor began to flow through your system the longer the music went on, making your body grow looser.

“Hey Y/n.”

You spin around to see Ronal getting a little groovy to the music. Internally you groaned but moved over to pull Ronal in to join.

“Wassup Ronal.” You greeted.

“Nothing. Just wanted to be close to the action.” She began scooting back a little as the guy grabbed your hand and twirled you again.

“Where ya goin?” You asked.

In a flash, everything shifted. You were spun but pushed towards the empty space, and suddenly you were hit with a big wave of juice. The crowd fell silent and you stood in shock, opening your eyes to see you had been drenched in the jungle juice they created.

You looked at Ronal, betrayed. Everyone began laughing, even the guy you danced with.

“That was too good.” He said looking over at Ronal.

She had set you up.

Every year there was a prank, usually it would be something silly like pushing someone into the ocean or being chased and chanted on by a group of guys, but this one was harsh. Ronal knew you spent time making the outfit for tonight, and she ruined it.

Slowly, you began treading the sand to make it to the main pathway. Tears escaped your eyes as you waddled away, sticky and cold from the nasty substance that was thrown on you. Ronal had gone too far, and this was your last straw with her.

You made your way away from the crowds, and found yourself at a cove further from the village. Once you got inside you yelled, screams echoing off the cave walls. “I hate her!” You screamed.

You whimpered as you peeled your top off, throwing the ruined design down. You slowly climbed into the cove pool, which was typically warm, and began to rub along your skin to get the stickiness off.

“Y/n?” A voice echoed from afar. You quickly used your arms to cover your bare breasts and sunk into the water. Footsteps approached and you began to rage, thinking Ronal was coming after you, but your eyes widened at who was there.

Tonowari stood on the pool edge, looking at you with somber eyes. “I saw what happened.”

The two of you stared at each other for a few moments in silence. It was awkward considering you'd never interacted before.

“I'm okay.” You responded.

A few beats of silence passed before he took a seat, feet dangling inside of the pool.

“Why do you let her treat you like that?

“What?”

“She treats you like shit!” He half-yelled. “You're supposed to be best friends yet she sets you up to be pranked and embarrassed.”

You took a deep breath and came to the edge of the pool, resting your arms on the rock and leaning your head above your folded arms.

“It's harder than you think.” You responded.

“Even so, you don't deserve that. Have you ever thought of getting her back?” Tonowari asked.

You snapped your head to the young man, confused as to what he was alluding to. He was always so quiet, smart and level headed, this language wasn't like him at all.

“Just one shot to make her sorry.” He continued.

“Sometimes.” You confessed. You planned out so many routes of revenge over the years, which never went through because you were too pussy to go through with it.

“She has everything that you deserve. Friends, Popularity, Dignity. She took that away from you!” He spoke harshly as if he was done wrong. His passion was attractive, but it made you question why he was so riled up.

He slipped into the water, starling you with the splash. Popping up above water he shook his hair. “Follow me.”

He began swimming down the cove, going deeper and deeper into the elongated cave. It grew dark, and you found yourself growing scared, but the two of you emerged, swimming out to a whole new section of the reef.

“Wow.” You said in disbelief, hopping out of the water and approaching the shore.

“Just a little spot I know about.” He said. Your arms were still crossed as you were still topless, but the residue had washed off and you now stood wet in the moonlight.

“Why did you bring me here?” You were genuinely curious as to why he exposed his secret spot to you.

“So you can take something she doesn't have.”

He approached you with a sultry tone.

You turned to him, finally catching on.

“You know she likes y-”

“Everyone knows. That's why it's gonna hit her harder.”

You looked at him dumbfounded before dropping your arms and smashing into him. The two of you fell to the ground but he recovered by sitting up. You climbed into his lap and kissed him deeply, cupping his face as you did so. Tonowari leaned back slightly and had one arm wrapped around your back, pulling your lower body closer to him.

The two of you moaned softly, continuing your attack on each other's lips. Tonowari’s warm hands lingered, before rising to grip at your bare breasts. You pulled away and watched as he kneaded your mounds and pressed kisses along your chest.

“Tonowari.” You said breathlessly. It was surreal to have a man like him under you like this, to actually touch you like this.

“Shhh.” He shushed you and reached for your loincloth, unraveling the back and pulling it to the side. You pushed him away from your chest, reaching for his, but he swiftly flipped the two of you over, so that he was on top and your back touched the sand. He finally allowed you to strip him of his cloth and watch as he sprung free, standing tall and erect for you.

“You see what you do to me?” He groaned.

Slowly you began spreading your legs, and he lodged himself between them, holding the underside of your knees. The two of you shared a moan as he began running his cock between your folds, judging at your clit with every swipe

“Tonowari don't!” You shakily said. You wanted him so bad, so deep, and he was teasing you relentlessly.

“Use your words pretty girl.”

“Don't tease me Wari, I want you.” You moaned out.

He let out a scoff and pulled back, slowly pushing forward and entering your slick hole.

You almost gave yourself a concussion from how hard you slammed your head back into the sand. You dug your nails into his forearms and clenched around him. He was thick, stretching you in ways a normal Metkayina man couldn't.

You held your breath as he continued entering you, pain pulsing through your lower body. Tonowari’s hand trailed to your neck holding a tight grip on you, and using his thumb to pull your bottom lip down. “Breathe for me.”

“Hurts.” You whimpered.

“Feel me.” Tonowari let go of your thigh and grabbed his braid.

“Ton-”

“We can worry about it in the morning. Feel how good you make me feel.”

You knew this would be a bad idea, but you connected your braid to his anyway. As soon as tsaheylu was made, you arched off the ground, crying out in pleasure.

“Fuck!” He grunted. Fastening his pace, he let out stained grunts feeling your pain and pleasure mix into one.

“More! More!” You coaxed him, ready to take him on. The pain was starting to subside but the need for him grew. You spread your legs wider and watched as he drilled into you with his head down, looking right where the two of you connected.

“You feel so good around m-fuck!” He buried his head into your neck and thrusted faster, enunciating the loud slaps of skin the two of you echoed throughout the beach.

“I'm coming! Wari!!” You dramatically heaved out as you reached your first ever orgasm.

Tonowari took a few deep breaths before pulling out, and flipping over again. His dick still stood erect, leaking with precum. Your braids were still connected, and you felt his exhaustion, but you also felt his oncoming wave of horniness.

“Make yourself feel good on me.”

You nodded and positioned yourself right above him, closing your eyes and you sunk down onto his length. The both of you let out a moan. “So big.” You stuttered out.

You moved to bounce upon him but he hissed, holding your hips in place. “Take your time with me Y/n.” He leaned back and licked his lips. “Make me work for it.” He began guiding your hips to rock along him slowly. Another wave of pleasure shot through you and you placed a hand on his chest, looking at him with misty eyes.

Tonowari whimpered and panted, driven wild by the way your hips rocked and the way your waist wormed back and forth above him. He wanted you so bad, and boy did you feel it.

You threw your head back and placed your hands on his thighs, giving a full view of his well you were taking him. “M’gonna…” He heaved, “Fill you up.”

This prompted you to lean forward and begin bouncing on him at a faster pace , moaning out his name as you felt him come close to his orgasm. “Fuck Wari!” You yelled out, feeling his orgasm come along. “Shit! Shit Shit!” He let out a long groan as he released into you, twitching inside of you and heaving.

You pulled yourself off of him and threw yourself in the sand next to him, laying on your stomach and panting heavily.

“I'm not finished with you.”

Your eyes followed him until he disappeared behind you. Tonowari locked his fingers around your hips and pulled your ass up in the air. You waited patiently, expecting him to enter you again, but instead you felt a warm liquid followed by a warm muscle being pressed against your clit. “Oh Wari.” You purred into the sand, gripping at the grainy terrain you laid on top of.

Tonowari sucked on the nub and released with a pop, groaning and resting his hand upon your ass. He leaned back in and began running his tongue between your folds, poking and prodding at your fucked out entrance. You throbbed thinking about him licking up his release from your pussy, but your mind quickly blanked as he thrusted his tongue inside of you.

You moaned out loud, not caring who walked by or who came towards this end of the reef. Tonowari thrived off your noises and began groaning as well, becoming more animated with the slick sounds he was making with his mouth.

His tongue made contact with your clit again and began flicking at your nub, starting the buildup of tightness that resided in your belly.

“I'm gonna come! Just like that!” You coaxed.

Two of his fingers pressed inside of your hole and he continued to sloppily flick and suck at your clit, holding you steady with his other hand as you trembled.

“Wariiiii!” You screamed as that knot in your stomach snapped. You quivered under his touch. “That's right,” He began rubbing your orgasm out. “Get it out for me, Let it out.”

You clenched your jaw as he began slowing his pace on your pussy, coming to a stop as he knew you were sore by now. He watched you slump back into the sand, humming out the last bit of energy you had left. You laid with your eyes closed, listening to the thumps of your pulse and the shuffling going on behind you.

“Let's go pretty girl.” Tonowari rolled you over and picked you up, walking you back to your pod with his hands resting on your underside.

---

The next morning you heard nothing but murmuring when you came around. A pit formed in your stomach at the possibility of them knowing what and who you did last night. But you also felt….satisfied. Today you would make it your mission to see Ronal's face, even if it meant a fist would connect to yours.

“Y/n!” You heard someone shout ahead. It was Tonowari. You looked around and pointed at yourself, and he narrowed his eyes.

Last night you remember him cleaning you up with water and a rag and kissing your forehead before he departed. It was a nice gesture, but you had no idea what that meant for the two of you.

Approaching him, he took your hand in his and began walking forward, making a few of the Metkayina members gasp. “I wanted to speak to you.”

“After last night?”

“Especially after last night.”

A pit of anxiety filled in your stomach and you began to stiffen. The two of you continued walking, until you got to a less crowded area of the reef. “I wanted to give you this.” He stopped and pulled out a necklace. You gasped at the aquamarine colored beads, one used for professing love to another. “I should've given you this a long time ago. A long time ago.”

You hesitantly grabbed the beads and looked up at him confused.

“I hope you didn't think last night was just a get back at Ronal. Or that it was a one night thing.” He stepped forward and grabbed your elbow. “I've been in love with you since highschool. I thought it was a stupid crush but…..” He sighed, starting to now stumble over his words.

“Everyone else might see Ronal, but I see you.”

Your breath hitched. Tonowari, the bravest, handsomest, warrior, to be Olo’eyktan saw you?!

“I know last night was a horrible way of introducing you to the idea.”

“Idea of what?”

“Of being my Tsahik.”

You gasped again, knowing that it was a title that Ronal was expecting. Everyone always said she was the most qualified, so not only did you take her crush, you're taking her future.

“We've made the bond…in an idiotic way, but I wouldn't go back and change a thing.” He confessed.

You smiled softly, and placed the beaded necklace around your neck. Tonowari let out a breath of relief, happy that his love was being reciprocated. “I know that we are still so young, and you can change your mind about me whenever, but for now let me enjoy you, and love you unconditionally.”

You stood on your toes to kiss him deeply, sighing in pure ecstasy as he cupped your face and kissed back.

Just as the two of you finished, an entourage of people came walking straight for you with Ronal leading the group.

“Tonowari.” She nodded sweetly.

“Y/n.” She said blankly.

“What happened? Is there danger?” Tonowari said, a little concerned about the amount of people that stood around.

“No just….a little question. I heard something from a birdie and I hoped it wasn't true. Just wanted to check in.”

“What was said?” He asked unphased.

Ronal coyly rolled her eyes and played the shy act. “That you were planning to choose your future Tsahik soon.” She glared at you, thinking she had the upper hand.

Tonowari caught on. Ronal wanted him to claim her in front of everyone, but little did she know.

“I already did.” He smiled.

Ronal walked forward and shot you a look as she pushed herself between the two of you. “Oh Wari.”

Tonowari scoffed. “We actually made the bond last night. I didn't wanna waste any time.”

Ronal’s face dropped and she backed away, “B-bond?! But I didn't-”

Tonowari looked towards you and Ronal realized, “No.” She said in disbelief. “You're still so young- You don't even know what you want in a woman! No Olo’eyktan should choose on a whim!” She stammered trying to discredit your experience.

“We were all practically raised together. I know who and what I want.” Tonowari declared.

Ronal looked at you with an angry look.

Normally her glare would make you cower and scramble to apologize, but this time you felt your lips curling up. Smiling at the bitch who no longer had the upper hand.

#persefolliwrites #persefolli #wattpad #avatar the way of water #angst #atwow #tonowari #avatar #avatar2 #tonowari x reader #tonowari smut #tonowari x you #tonowari angst

4K notes · View notes

gallapiech · 6 months ago

Text

Some more art I've done for Highway of Hedonism!

[READ IT HERE]

+ once again some behind the scenes stuff 😁

The kiss sketch is pretty self explanatory lol, I dont know how to draw people kissing so I hope it came out alright at least hihi.

For the bathroom one I initially went with a completely different angle! But I felt like that didn't really convey the scene well so I settled on this one instead. :3

The straddle scene... This chapter was initially gonna have 2 drawings, one with the bear in the backseat and the one you're seeing here. We figured it would save some time since we could reuse the scene and only had to switch the characters around. But that made it kind of boring... So we settled with a more interesting perspective! A million thanks to Rory for making the initial sketch for it ♥ Although I cannot show that one, I *can* show the rough sketch of the final drawing!

I think it's kind of obvious that I winged it with the car stuff. I hope it doesn't break the immersion too much </3

Sometimes I forget exactly what outfit they're wearing and mess it up lol. Thank god for Rory for correcting me whenever I show the sketch. Here's Ian without the hoodie, ehe.

As we were planning the art for some of the chapters, we kind of wanted some to be close ups of things or things that are easier to draw to kind of lighten the workload. This being one of them, but I still like it! I loved adding little easter eggs to the little doodles that made. There are some references to friends & inside jokes. This drawing doesn't just show Ian & Mickey's journey, but ours as well :)

The sketch for the scene where Mickey grabs ian's waist was actually sketched by Rory! She has helped me sooo much with the art and I truly cannot thank her enough for it. Because I didn't create the sketch I cannot show it. However I kind of got a funny story. While I was drawing this some friends and I were watching Pitch Perfect and I was streaming it. But I had to open the sketch so I could copy it and Accidentally showed it on stream and I panicked so hard hahahaha. Soooo if some of y'all remember seeing it 👀 now u know what it was for, lol.

That's all for now :D I hope you're all as excited about the upcoming chapters as I am!!

#gallavich #my art #ian x mickey #mickey milkovich #ian gallagher #shameless au #shameless us #gallavich fanfic #gallavich fanart #gallavich au #HoH

338 notes · View notes

drabblesbyjubs · 1 year ago

Text

Just Need Time

Astarion x gn! Tav Reader, Astarion is pent up but also wants to please the reader, he makes himself want to have sex with reader but reader stops him and helps him figure out what he really wants. Fluff, smut, a little bit of angst. Minors DNI

Tws// mentions of sexual trauma, Astarion’s backstory stuff, mild disassociation for a few minutes, trauma, mild spoilers for non ascended Astarion’s ending, sexual content and smut

I want everyone to know that I got stuck working an 8 hour shift as a cashier on my last day of work so I wrote this between customers, enjoy and here’s to my new job

Time with Astarion is sacred.

After nearly losing him multiple times throughout your journey to rid yourselves of the mind flayer parasite, you’d come to appreciate every second you spent with him. Every moment during the day, snuggling and spending time with one another, and spending the nights running through Faerûn and enjoying the adrenaline of exploration, it was all beyond precious to you both.

But especially to Astarion. For the first time in two centuries, he belonged to himself; he could go where he wanted, do what he wanted, be what he wanted. He was free.

That didn’t mean he was alright, though.

Being with you had helped. You’d shown him freedom, devotion, and everything he’d ever wished he could have had in a partner. But part of his mind was still stuck in that dark, dank crypt, the smell of mildew festering in his lungs, the fear at the sound of every footstep lurking in his heart. The nights he was let out, but not to be free, only to use his body to gain some innocent soul’s trust and bring them back for him to take out his most wretched fantasies on.

Astarion was usually the victim of these fantasies, but if Cazador truly did what he wished with Astarion, well, there would be no more Astarion to take out those fantasies on.

Those memories plagued his mind nearly every night. He often woke from the nightmares feeling utterly emotionless, numb to the world. Fear aches low in his heart, and he would roll over and scoot up to you. You took him in to your arms with no question; you already knew.

Sometimes he would jolt out of bed, too enveloped by the memories to realize it was you next to him. He would become defensive, either scared of you or insisting you leave before he came back. When he snapped back to reality, he was utterly humiliated, but you never shamed him, always made him feel like everything would be okay, and he would forget about the terrors of the night before by the time you two set out for adventure after sunset.

He wanted more than anything to be like a normal person; completely comfortable in his relationship, never a fear that things would go awry, blindly trusting and accepting of everything you did. You understood why he couldn’t be like that, and did your best to make him feel as close to normal as he ever could. And gods, did he love you for that. You were utterly hypnotizing, he would tear out his heart with a stake if you asked him; hell, he would carve the stake himself. There was nothing he wouldn’t do for you.

And even if you assured him he owed you nothing at all, not even a passing glance, he wanted to give you something to make you happy.

He often gave you wildflowers, knowing you always liked the bright colors and soft petals, or smooth, shiny rocks he found down by the creek, or little rings and necklaces he bought with his dwindling gold supply when the two of you went in to town. But he still often felt like the only thing he could do right enough to truly make others happy was sex.

It was practiced, it was routine. Use his body to make someone feel good, make a few pretty faces, and it was done. There was something safe in the familiarity of it, though the sheer gut wrenching disgust that followed after never sit right with him.

You hadn’t hesitated to agree when Astarion had asked if you two could stop having sex for a while. Your sexual activity had dwindled anyways; you’d often told him you were just tired, or wanted to make sure you had plenty of energy for the coming day. Part of him knew you could tell he didn’t really want it, but he chose to believe you just wanted a break, and it was relieving to not have to perform. It was a weight off of his shoulders.

But more recently, he’d been pent up. He found himself craving release; of course he thought of coming to you for help, but the thought of having to perform, to make you feel good and owe you that pleasure after he takes his own, it sent a writhing sensation under his skin. As much as he liked the thought of seeing your eyes filled with arousal, he didn’t want that feeling of perform. Continue. No choice. Earn your life, bring him someone.

But he wanted to make you happy. He had done this so many times before; why not once more, just to see you satisfied? You must be pent up as well after so long of dealing with his unwillingness to give you something so simple. It was the least he could do. He would achieve the release he’d began to crave, you would be happy, and he would know you would stay with him and know he cared for you.

Astarion rolled above you, that mischievous smirk on his face as he looked down at you. You laughed softly, rolling your eyes. “Someone’s in a playful mood tonight,” you teased, to which Astarion hummed.

“Whoever could that be?” He muttered, leaning down and capturing you in a kiss. You felt his tongue swipe across your lower lip, but before you could grant him entrance, he pulled away, before moving to mouth softly at your neck. You hummed, your chest fluttering as you inhaled. You could feel his lips move against you, his tongue swiping over the scars of old bites, his canines brush dangerously over the delicate skin of your neck.

You put your hands on his chest and muttered, “Mmh, Astarion, what’s going on?”

“Hmm?” He hummed in a questioning tone.

“You don’t normally act like this,” you breathed. “Is everything okay?”

“So sweet for asking,” he murmured. “Just pent up. I want you, if you’ll have me.”

You scanned over his face; nothing seemed off. He seemed genuine. You weren’t sure why he was offering though; this wasn’t like him. Maybe he was actually just pent up?

“You promise you’ll tell me to stop if it’s too much?”

“Of course, love,” he breathed against your neck, softly nipping at the skin there, threatening to break skin.

You nod, hands running up his sides. “Okay. As long as you promise.”

Astarion gave a pleased sound, his hands snaking under your shirt. Calloused fingertips brushed against your skin, before pulling your shirt up above your head and leaning down to kiss at your shoulders, mouth at your collarbones, and nip at your chest.

You gave a shaky sigh, your hand running over his back, savoring the way he arched against the touch. He was good at this, no doubt, but it always hurt you to think of *why.*

Astarion leaned back, staring down at you almost hungrily. He pulled his own shirt over his head, and you leaned up to run your hands over his chest and his stomach, before leaning in to kiss at the little dimple between his collarbones. He was always finicky about kissing his neck, especially on the side Cazador bit him on, and you didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable, so you stuck to his shoulders and chest for now.

His hands found your waist, and as you pulled away from him, you saw the slightest flicker of hesitation in his eyes before he pushed you down to the bedroll and pulled your hips up against his, softly grinding against the curve of your ass.

You weren’t worried about that, though; you saw the way his eyes had slowly grown foggy and distant, the loss of expression, and the way his touches became almost rhythmic, nearly robotic; practiced and routine.

“Stop,” you said.

Astarion snapped out of it in an instant, present here and now once more. “Are you alright? Did I do something wrong?”

“Hun,” you leaned up, scooting your hips apart from his and gently cupping his cheek. “You don’t want this. I can see it in your eyes.”

“I do!” Astarion insisted, “Gods, I want this, please, I’m sorry, just let me-“ he hurriedly began grabbing at your hips, trying to pull you closer,

“Darling, stop.” You said, more assertively this time. His shoulders slumped and the look in his eyes broke your heart; he looked desperate, but not for sex. He looked so disappointed in himself.

“Come here,” you whispered, pulling him in for a hug. “Do you remember when I told you you don’t owe me anything?” He didn’t hug you back, but his forehead rested against your shoulder, and he gave a brisk little nod.

“But I do want it,” he said. “I just… I don’t want to have to give back, or be touched, or just… I don’t know, but I want something, and I-“

You hushed him, sensing his growing stress, running your fingers through his hair. You turned to kiss his temple, and he gave a happy little sound.

“I think I get it. You want to keep your control of your body, but don’t want to have to feel like you owe me pleasure either?” You questioned. He gave a brisk little nod.

“That’s alright. Astarion, we don’t have to do anything like this, I never want your to feel pressured, and-“

“But I do want… something like this.” He rebutted. “I just… want a little. I don’t know. I really am pent up. I’ve tried handling it myself, time and time again… I’ll sneak off into the woods and… and try and rid myself of these desires. But it… just… never works. I cant… I just cant. Not alone.”

You furrowed your brow, feeling just how embarrassed he was with the way he shuffled and squirmed against you, clutching at your sides.

“You mean… you can’t touch yourself, or..?”

“I can’t finish,” he corrected, his words rushed and jumbled.

“Oh,” you said. You kept running your fingers through his hair, taking a moment to think. You could tell how much this embarrassed him, just by how he was acting. “That’s alright, Astarion. What do you want me to do to help?”

“I… don’t know,” he breathed. “I just… I’m frustrated, i need something..”

“Would it be too much for me to touch you like that right now?” You asked him.

He nodded his head, and you pulled back, looking at him as you gently cupped his cheek in your hand. “Use your words, baby boy.”

Red eyes looked up to meet your own, and you couldn’t help but smile at him, if only to comfort him. “Yes, i think that would be too much right now. Maybe… maybe I could… i could touch myself and you can just… be here?”

You flushed a little with his words, but you nodded and kissed the tip of his nose, savoring the way he smiled.

“That sounds wonderful,” you said. “Here,” you began shifting him and yourself.

You moved so he was laying on his side, you laying behind him. Your chest was pressed to his, and you felt the full body shudder that went through him. “This okay?” You asked, and he nodded. You cuddled up to his back, and hummed to him, “Then go ahead, my love. Do what you want.”

Astarion shuddered and you could feel him moving to slip a hand under the hem of his pants. You gently rested a hand on his hip, not sensing anything saying he disliked the touch. His breathing slowly started to pick up, and you could feel him palming himself softly before slipping his cock from his trousers. You hummed your approval, whispering to him, “That’s a good boy.” He whined low in his throat, and you felt his arm start to move as he began stroking himself. You couldn’t see at this angle, but you felt the way his body would slowly start tensing, his chest rising, could see the way he tried to bury his face in the pillow, knowing you were right behind him as he touched himself.

You muttered soft coos of approval to him as he chased his pleasure, each of your words making his breath hitch just a little more.

You hummed, “So good for me, my love, making yourself feel good. Love watching you like this.”

You could so easily ignore your own arousal if it meant you got to witness his. He was beautiful.

Astarion gasped, “D-darling, gods… the way you talk to me, hah, makes me… fuck, I need it…” he trembled and began stroking himself faster, throwing his head back against your shoulder. You smiled against his neck and kissed the pale skin softly, feeling the way it made his entire body shudder. His breathing slowly turned in to whines, desperate and strained.

Your hand ran up to his chest, brushing over the soft skin, savoring the little twitch he gave when your hand ran over his nipples, moving to feel over his rib cage as you whispered how beautiful he was, making himself feel good like this.

You kissed his temple, the saltiness of his sweat clinging to your lips. You caught a glimpse of that beautiful face when he tilted it back to arch himself; brow furrowed, eyes closed, lips slightly parted. “Gods,” you breathed, his red eyes fluttering open. You leaned up to kiss him, not even attempting to look down and see him desperately chasing his release, knowing that catching a glimpse may be too much for him.

You buried your face back in his neck, and he gave a high pitched whine, gasping, “C-can’t… fuck, love, ah, please, I can’t do it, please, help me,” the last words came out as a mere whisper, and you could feel how frantically he was moving in attempting to chase his release. Worried he would hurt himself, you whispered to him, your hand slowly trailing down his hips to rest on his upper thigh.

“May I touch you?” You asked.

“Please,” he nearly sobbed, letting himself go and grabbing your wrist to guide you to his cock. You wrapped your hand around him, heavy and hot in your palm. He was so hard, gods it must have hurt.

You stroked him softly, your thumb swiping over his tip and smearing his precum over himself. He whimpered, still holding your wrist, and you could feel the way his entire body trembled. “Please,” he whispered.

You kissed the back of his neck, mouthing at the flesh there softly as you set your pace, stroking him and smearing his pre over the head, making your hand much slicker to give him a feeling that, if his whimpers and trembles said anything, must be quite lovely.

He jolted and whined, his cock twitching in your hand. You could tell he was close, losing himself to the pleasure, one hand having a death grip on your wrist and the other tangled in the furs of the bedroll. You’d never seen him so lost to himself.

He gasped, “I’m gonna-!” Not even able to get out his warning before your felt his release coating your hand. You stroked him through his orgasm, savoring his gasps, catching the slightest glimpse of a furrowed brow and open mouth, eyes squeezed shut, tears threatening to spill from the corners.

“That’s it, hun,” you breathed to him. “That’s a good boy. Let go for me.”

You kept stroking him until he gave a particularly harsh jolt, with which you withdrew your hand and wiped it on some miscellaneous clothing tossed near your bedroll. You kissed the back of his neck, savoring the silence for a moment.

Astarion was the first to speak. “Thank you,” he said.

“I hope it was to your liking. It wasn’t too much?”

“No, it was wonderful. I… needed that. Do… you want me to take care of you?” He rolled over to face you, glancing down to your trousers. You could see the unease stirring in his eyes at the thought alone

You shook your head. “Tonight was about you. I’m just happy I got to see that pretty face when you came,” you teased, fighting a laugh at Astarion’s shocked and embarrassed expression.

“Gods, you’re truly insufferable sometimes.”

“Same to you, my love,” you teased, kissing the tip of his nose and pulling him in close. You pulled a blanket up over his waist to give him some cover, to which he hummed his appreciation and nuzzled in to your chest, sleep catching the both of you and luring you into its embrace.

#astarion #bg3 astarion #astarion headcanons #bg3 fanfiction #bg3 #bg3 headcanons #astarion smut #astarion fluff #x reader

1K notes · View notes

beenbaanbuun · 1 year ago

Text

seventeen’s reaction to their youngest member getting injured

choi seungcheol

has already lost 10 years of his life just from worrying about you

loses 5 more when he has to accompany you to the hospital because of your broken leg

he tried to save the lecture until after he knows you’re okay, but he can’t help it when the leader in him comes out

the conversation *cough* reprimand *cough* lasts for the whole car journey and by the time you’ve got the the hospital, you’d already been blocking it out for 10 minutes

“you need to be more careful,” he said as he wrapped his arm around your shoulders. he might be frustrated, but he still wanted to show you he cared. “it might be a broken leg this time but who knows what it’ll be next time!”

at the end of the day he just cares about you too much to see you hurt

yoon jeonghan

if it isn’t bad, he’ll just tease you about how clumsy you are

probably still teases you if it is bad, but when you start tearing up because of how much it hurts, will immediately stop

causes hell just to make sure you’re getting the best treatment possible because he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he didn’t make you were were as comfortable as possible

eventually calms down when you assure him you’re fine and you feel perfectly alright with what you’d been given

leaves 80% of the lecturing to seungcheol and just gives you a tiny one himself, mostly about how you’re not allowed to worry him

once he knows you’re feeling a little better, a switch will flip and he’ll go back to his regular annoying self just to try and get things back to normal

“well at least you didn’t fall down the stairs,” he laughed before cutting it short just a few seconds later, “oh, wait… never mind, you did!”

hong jisoo

was the only one around when you cut your finger open with the kitchen knife

doesn’t know what to do so he sends a text to seungcheol and shoves your hand under the cold tap for a while

tries to cheer you up but doesn’t really know how to when you’re bleeding profusely and crying just as much

eventually lands on his usual method of doing stupid shit just to get the tiniest smile out of you while you wait for anyone else to come and do the important part of patching you up

“keep your hand there,” he tells you as he lets go of your wrist and steps away from you, “get ready to feel better.”

100% does that silly little dance of his which has you cry laughing instead of just regular crying

you almost forget how much it hurts and shua considers his job done!

wen junhui

kind of clueless on what to do when you go to him with a bloody nose and tell him you got hit in the face playing foot volleyball

sits you down on the sofa whilst he frantically google’s how to stop nose bleeds

asks you to go and grab tissues before realising that you’re the one he’s supposed to be helping and goes to get them himself

winces a bit when he gets blood on his hands but remembers that he’s doing it for you and the grossness of it goes away pretty quickly

tries to talk you through the pain, letting you know about what he’s been doing with his day and what he’s planning to do later

“and then you came in to talk to me and i think that’s it,” he finished up recounting every second of his day as he switched the tissue for a clean one, “and then later i’m going to head to the practice rooms to-”

definitely forgets about your injury once the bleeding has stopped and boops you on the nose only to profusely apologise when you wince in pain

kwon soonyoung

if you could run away with a sprained ankle, you definitely should because hoshi will turn up his clinginess by about 80% the moment he hears that you have an injury

will not let you out of his sight until he knows you’re okay again

unfortunately for you that means you have a permanent body guard telling you what you can and can’t do which gets very old very fast

you cant even hide from him because god knows he will seek you out and yell at you for walking on your bad ankle too much

might be overbearing but in reality he just wants you to get better as quickly as possible because it makes him sad to see you in pain

“sit down and let me do it,” hoshi shouted as he noticed you trying to get a bowl of cereal for yourself, “and you wonder why i like to keep an eye on you…”

you eventually give into the clinginess in the hopes that he’ll get bored after a while… he doesn’t…

jeon wonwoo

freezes when he spots you crying and holding your wrist in front of the stove

literally does not know what to do in this situation because he usually palms it off onto one of his other members

but he’s the only one around and you’ve just been burnt and desperately need someone to help

so he walks over to you and drags you to the sink with your good wrist, all whilst muttering complaints about how you need to be more careful

strokes your hair when you’re running your wrist under the cold water to try and soothe you just a little

“you’re okay, y/n,” he whispers, pressing a kiss to your hairline, “i know it hurts but the longer you hold it under the water, the less it’ll hurt in the long run.”

passes you along to the next member that comes along but will check up on you every few minutes just to make sure you’re okay

lee jihoon

his first response is always ‘go find seungcheol’ when you go to him with an injury, but sometimes he’s the only one around and you look so upset and fuck… he’ll have to deal with this

very methodical about it - asks you what’s wrong, finds out what he needs to do, does it

he’ll try and hide his smile as you tell him about what stupid thing you were doing that got you hurt this time, but tries to hide it because at the end of the day, you’re still injured

usually shuffles in close whilst he’s bandaging you up just so you can lean on him in it gets too painful at any point

he refuses to complain about you leaning on him when you’re hurt because how can he deny you physical affection when it’s obviously making you feel better

in reality he just has a soft spot for you and uses you being hurt as an excuse to let you hug him with no complaints

“there we go, kid,” he rubs your arm affectionately, “all patched up…”

lee seokmin

panics because oh god his kid is hurt and he doesn’t know what to do and WHERE IS SEUNGCHEOL

will sit down and hold you close while he rings around the members to try and find one to come and help

he claims the cuddling is to help soothe, but you both know it’s so he can calm himself down more than anything

eventually gets ahold of another member and begs them to come home and help

breathes a sigh of relief when they agree; now his only job is making sure you’re calm and comfortable and nothing hurts too much

cue seokmin literally becoming your butler for the next 20 minutes whilst you wait for someone else to get home because he needs to make sure that you have everything you need

“do you need more tea?” he asks as you take the final sip. not even a second passes before the mug is taken from you and more tea is poured. “i’ll get you some more, just so you have it if you want it, okay?”

kim mingyu

tries his hardest to help but he can’t help but gag when you tell him about how you trapped you fingers in the car door

doesn’t know what to do so he literally wraps up your whole hand in gauze and calls it a day - it’s someone else’s problem now

spends more time trying to cheer you up than he actually does helping with your injury because at least he knows how to make you smile

tells you bad jokes until you can’t breathe from laughter and you’re begging him to stop

he stops but only so you can get your breath back, and then he starts again because laughter is clearly a great pain killer

“if it’s more jokes you want then it’s more jokes i have, pipsqueek,” mingyu smiled at you as you frantically shook your head, “no more jokes? well that’s boring… how about this one? why did the old man-”

continues until someone more qualified to deal with your gross injury gets home

xu minghao

doesn’t lecture you in the same way seungcheol does, but definitely gives you a speech about how you shouldn’t be putting yourself in dangerous situations

rolls his eyes at you when you try and pass the blame onto another member who you claimed to be your ‘partner in crime’ because he knows it was definitely just your own clumsiness

still tries his hardest to help clean up the scratch on your face that you got from who knows what - minghao had zoned out part way through your convoluted story

lets you squeeze his hand if the antiseptic makes your scratch hurt too much

even let’s you pick out a cute bandaid to put over it just because he knows it’ll cheer you up

“if your stylist gets mad at you, don’t come crying to me,” he grumbles as he presses a kind kiss to the bandaid, “it’s your own fault, no one else’s.”

tells you to be careful before you go running off to cause more trouble

boo seungkwan

very much an ‘i told you this would happen’ kind of person, even if he had not ‘told you so’ like he says he did

will roll his eyes when you get brought back to the dorms with a cast on your wrist, but is the first to help you carry your stuff inside

yells at you if you even think about lifting a finger but complains about how you’re making him do everything for you

you always tell him if it’s that much trouble you’ll do it yourself, but he’ll just glare at you and tell you to stop talking nonsense

threatens to tell seungcheol whenever he catches you with your arm out of your sling

would actually go through with it if he thought you were doing any real damage to your arm

“the doctor wouldn’t like you doing that, you know,” he muttered as he watched you stretch out your aching limb, “neither would seungcheol…”

choi hansol

vernon knows that if you go to him with an injury, you have exhausted literally every other option you have

literally clueless about what to do when you walk up to him with a black eye because you ran into a glass door

google is his best friend as he frantically searches how to reduce bruising

has no qualms with sending you to retrieve your own ice pack from the freezer as he does some more googling…

won’t do much to try and cheer you up other than putting on a movie and grabbing snacks for the two of you to share

doesn’t complain about holding your ice pack in place when you fall asleep on his shoulder… after all, it just means more snacks for him

falls asleep himself before the film is over and your ice pack ends up on the floor… so much for trying to reduce the bruising

lee chan

probably his fault you were injured in the first place so he makes you promise that if he helps then you won’t tell any of the older members

you only agree to the deal when he offers to buy you a meal as well as helping you clean and bandage the cuts on your knees from where he tripped you

he honestly tries his hardest to help, partly because he feels bad and partly because he doesn’t want to face anyone’s wrath when they find out he’s the reason you’re injured

tries is the main word, though, as he ends up having to get help from someone else anyway

he chooses the least likely member to get him in trouble and together him and mingyu puzzle over what to do about your knees

you eventually end up guiding them through the process of cleaning them and then wiping them down with antiseptic before bandaging them

“do you think i did a good job?” he asks once the bandages were secured over the grazes. you glared at him. “fine, a good enough job for you to not tell on me…”

#seventeen scenarios #seventeen fluff #svt scenarios #svt fluff #seventeen fic #seventeen reactions #svt fic #svt reactions #seventeen x reader #svt x reader #svt addition #seventeen addition #svt 14th member #seventeen 14th member

856 notes · View notes

thaleleah · 6 months ago

Text

𝓖𝓸𝓭𝓵𝓮𝓼𝓼 (𝓟𝓪𝓻𝓽 𝓣𝔀𝓸)

Pairing: Billy The Kid x Fem!Nun!Reader

Warnings: ***NON-CON***, Dub-Con, Dark!Billy, Virgin!Reader, Oral (female receiving), Fingering, P in V, Corruption Kink, Creampie, Possessive Behavior, Masturbation, Wet Dreams/Sex Dreams, Seduction, Emotional Manipulation, Religion and Religious Beliefs, Explicit talk of gunshot wounds, blood, and the bullet's removal, Mention of physical abuse/child abuse (not from Billy), Childhood Trauma, Mention of alcoholism, Moral/Religious conflict within one's self, My bad Spanish, Nun breaking her vows, Probably too quick of a healing process to be fucking someone but I'm not a doctor so 🤷🏻‍♀️, Using the word "drawers" instead of "panties" which is kinda cringe to me but I wanted to be somewhat accurate

Word Count: 9.5K

A/N: So sorry this took so long! 🥺 But I hope you guys like it and I'm hopeful that the next part won't take nearly as long to get out.

Summary: When Billy stumbles into your clinic, hurt and in desperate need of care and refuge, you don't hesitate to help him. Perhaps this is God's will. Perhaps He has brought him into your life to help heal the parts of him that the cruelness of the world has soiled and broken. You are a healer by trade, both of the physical body and of faith. If this is to be God's mission for you, then it shall be done. How could you have possibly known that the young man who begged for help that fateful night would turn out to be the devil himself?

<<< Previous | Next >>>

The ride to Joe’s cabin only takes a few hours, and the sun is high in the sky by the time Sam helps you down from your seat. You hastily make your way to the front door, opening the latch and pushing it open, keeping it propped with a heavy rock laid by the door while Sam opens the back of the wagon. The journey inside is a bit more difficult this time. Billy gasps in pain when you stumble on the front stairs, tripping over your tunic and jerking his body down accidentally as a result. He’s breathing harshly when you and Sam are able to lay him down on your brother’s bed and you once again find yourself whispering apology after apology as you lift his shirt and the bandage to check on his wound.

Thankfully, there’s no tears or rips. You were only able to bring a little bit of the suture material and enough extra bandages in your bag to get you by. The clinic has limited materials as it is, so you only packed what you thought the clinic could spare. It’s enough to completely redo his stitches if necessary, but you’re hoping it won’t ever come to that.

Billy’s safe here now, he will not be leaving the bed until he’s well enough to start moving around on his own.

His hand comes down to rest on top of your own, pushing your hand down and forcing you to recover the stitches with the bandage as his fingers curl around your palm.

“Hey,” He says softly, calling your eyes to his tired ones. “I'm okay.”

His hand is gentle on yours, thumb lazily sweeping back and forth across the back of it. You pull it away, smoothing your tunic down again just for something else to do with your hands.

You didn’t even notice when Sam left the room, too preoccupied with checking on Billy’s wound, but your head turns at the sound of his boots on the steps of the porch. He steps back into the cabin, a crate held in his hands filled with food and other supplies and you let out a grateful sigh at the sight of it.

“Thank you, Sam,” You say, watching as he deposits the crate just on the side of the doorway. “I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you helping us. You’re a good man,”

Sam smiles shyly at your words of praise, and out of the corner of your eye you notice how Billy’s head snaps towards him.

“Of course, Sister y/n. Anything for you and the other Sisters,”

“Are you sure this is alright? You don’t need it for your delivery?”

“No,” He says with a shake of his head. “I packed it for you to have,”

You cup Sam’s cheek in thanks and shoot another glance towards Billy just to make sure he’s okay. His face is turned to the side again, pressing against the pillow for comfort, but you can see how his eyes are still on you, following your every move as you follow Sam out of the cabin.

Poor Billy, he must still be so nervous. So on edge about being hunted like he's nothing more than a rabid animal needing to be put down. Hopefully now that he's safe and out of harm's way, he can find some peace.

You walk Sam out, watching as he checks the horses and settles himself on the seat.

“I’ll come back in two weeks,” He promises. “That should be enough time for the search for him to wind down. Can't let people get suspicious. I have another delivery to do 'round then. I'll bring you some extra food and supplies.”

You wave as he nudges the wagon into motion and wait until he’s completely out of view over the hill before heading back inside and closing the door behind you.

Billy’s still watching you as you move about the main living area. Your brother’s bed has a direct line of eyesight into the front area, so Billy doesn’t even have to move to be able to watch you as you settle your bag and extra blankets onto the floor. You’ve told Joe before about how dangerous you think it is to have his bed in clear sight of the entrance, but he’s told you many times that he doesn’t like being told what to do.

“Besides, you know what it was like,” You remember him telling you. “Sleeping soundly in that house was never an option. And that feeling never goes away. If someone ever tries to break in here and attack me, I’ll already be awake and ready with my gun pointed at them before they even make it through the front door.”

As much as it pained you to hear, you know the truth of it. You’ve gotten better, you think. Whereas when you were younger, you would wake from the slightest noise, terrified of what might come after it. But now you find you can sleep through the night with very little problems. It’s not perfect - some nights are harder than others, but you credit God and the wonderful family you’ve found at the convent. They gave you rest, taught you to give your fears to the Lord so that He may take the burden they bear from you. They gave you peace in the world when you had none, and for that you will be eternally grateful.

Joe has not been so lucky, choosing instead to lock himself away in solitude rather than give his grievances up for absolvement. You pray for him every day despite his reluctance, asking God for guidance on his behalf.

The entire cabin is almost bare, sparse furniture just enough to be convenient. Despite your prayers, you know the ghost of the past still hovers over your brother's shoulder and even still, you wonder how he can stand to call this place a home with how unloved it feels.

“How do you know Sam?” Billy asks, and the cabin is small enough that his voice carries from room to room.

“He and his father run one of the markets in town,” You reply. You make your way into the bedroom, pulling the now rumpled blankets from under Billy's body and adjusting them so they lay over him neatly. “They’re our suppliers.”

“You seem very close,” Billy says, absently running his fingers over the edge of the blanket.

“Oh, well, he’s a dear friend,”

“You sure you can trust him?”

You nod, a small twinge offended at the implication of Sam being untrustworthy. After what he just risked to get you both here and Billy still doubts him? You stomp the feeling down just as quick as it flares. “Sam is incredibly loyal. He would never betray us,”

Billy’s mouth turns up in an unpleasant curl. “I think he likes you,”

Your brow furrows in confusion. “I should hope so. Otherwise, he is a very good actor,”

He huffs a small laugh at your attempt at a joke, but it doesn’t really sound joyful. “Not like that,”

It takes a second for your brain to register his vague words, but when they do your mouth falls open in shock at the bold statement. “No. No, no. Certainly not. Not me anyway,”

Oops. Perhaps you’ve said too much.

Now it’s Billy’s brows that furrow and he stares at you, hard, as if trying to read your mind about what you’ve meant. They shoot up as it clicks for him, a smirk pulling at his lips at the realization. “Him and one of the other nuns?”

“No!” You gasp. “Absolutely not. Sam just– bless his heart. He… has romantic feelings for one of the Sisters.”

“She doesn’t feel the same?”

Not exactly. Sam and Sister Ann have a connection that anyone with eyes can’t deny. They help complete each other and help each other grow in ways that one can only hope to experience in this life. Sister Ann has even confided in you that, while she doesn’t regret joining the church, she can’t help but think that if she had met Sam sooner then she would have said her vows to him instead of straight to God.

“It’s not that simple,” You settle with. “She’s a woman of faith and she’s spoken for by the church. They can’t be together regardless of what she may feel. Sam understands.”

Billy hums, a low and displeased sound. “Hm. Poor Sam,”

You’re not quite sure how to respond to that, so you don’t. Billy’s still frowning, so you tell him he should rest some more while you go fix up some lunch for you both. You’re happy to find that the simple stew made from some deer meat your brother had stored before his current trip is enough to cut the sudden unexpected tension and return him to good spirits.

Things are calmer now that you’ve arrived at the cabin. There’s very little risk of unwanted visitors and your brother’s last letter puts him deep in Texas and considering venturing upwards, so you're confident that he won’t be coming home anytime soon.

You’ve heard stories about Billy the Kid. Your patients like to talk, surprisingly gossipy considering most should be too sick or too involved with their pain to speak. But they push through their uncomfortableness to tell you stories of the young outlaw whose face is on the Most Wanted posters in at least three separate counties.

“He’s a ruthless killer.”

“A no-good murderer.”

“A good person who’s just had back luck.”

“A kindly fellow. He helped scare off some kids who were robbin’ me!”

And as you talk to Billy more and more, you can’t help but agree with the last two opinions. Billy is a sweetheart - respectful and kind like any man should be towards any woman despite her role in society. He listens with rapt attention as you tell him stories of your travels as you clean and re-bandage his wound. He nods when you tell him about the difference between the Utah territory and the Montana territory, and laughs when you tell him about your very memorable trip to Mexico where you climbed off the wagon and didn’t even take one step before face planting in a pile of mud. His grin is almost blinding when you tell him about the day you and your brother reunited after two years apart.

“Your brother’s name is Joe?” He asks.

“Mhm,” You confirm, leaning back into the chair you’ve placed next to the bed.

“My brother’s name was Joe, too,”

“Oh,” You smile despite the twinge in your heart. The word ‘was’ is almost devastating to hear. “It’s a good name. A strong name.”

Billy nods and his voice is barely above a whisper as he responds, “Yeah, it is,” and you think you can physically see the light die in his eyes as he thinks about it, the look of happiness he had just a second ago completely snuffed out by past memories.

You don’t want to pry, it’s not your place. But then he glances at you with those big blue eyes of his and all you see is hurt. God has put you on this Earth to be a healer, and you think that turning away now would be doing both Him and the broken man in front of you a disservice.

“Was he older or younger?” You ask, softly. “Your brother,”

“Younger,” he responds, and your heart breaks more at the rueful smile he sends you. “He died. Consumption. My mother too.”

Oh. “I’m so sorry to hear that, Billy. I can only imagine how hard that must have been,”

He doesn’t say anything. He’s not even looking at you now, just staring off into the distance as if somewhere else.

You lean forward, placing a careful hand on his arm. “Tell me about them?”

This time, the smile is real.

You learn over the next few days that Billy’s faith is in even worse shape than you feared.

For most, the presence of God is never fully gone from their hearts. Most who you’ve talked to who are rocky with their faith feel abandoned, cast aside as if The Heavenly Father were to play favorites and they’ve somehow found themselves on the losing side of the ‘sibling’ competition. Others feel betrayed by Him - those who have suffered great loss or tragedy and can’t understand how someone who’s entire being is made up in the light of faith and love can allow such heartbreak and suffering to happen to His children.

You do your best to soothe their heavy hearts. You tell them that God works in mysterious ways and that each and every person has their own trials and lessons in life that they must learn and overcome.

“Everything happens for a reason,” You say. “The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. But He is always by our side, speaking to us. All we have to do is listen.”

Words are not as powerful as feelings or actions, but you’re always grateful whenever your words are able to help heal any of their woes, even if just a little bit.

Billy, however… you are horrified to see that his faith is gone completely.

He talks about how he came to New Mexico and all he’s seen on the way. His start in New York City and the promise of a better life in Kansas. The lies and tragedy they were met with there. The death of his father.

“I think my Pa knew there was no one up there lookin’ out for us even back then,” Billy says, and it takes everything you have in you to stay silent at the horrific statement. “That’s why he just… gave up.”

For all that you disagree with, you can understand why Billy feels the way he does. He truly has had no one in his corner - devastating hardship after devastating hardship throughout the entirety of his life and he’s had to fight tooth and nail, carving a place out in the world for himself by force, just to get a bit of peace that should have been readily given to him.

“Tell me, Sister. When you’re by yourself in the world, young and alone and starvin’, not a penny to your name and no work for you in the entire county, what else are you supposed to do?”

The tears welling in your eyes match the ones threatening to spring from his.

“Exactly what you did,” You whisper back.

A single tear escapes one red rimmed eye, running down the curve of his cheek. “Is that what your god does? Leave children to steal or starve and then let them be arrested and made into a criminal when they choose not to just roll over and die?”

The lump in your throat refuses to go down. “We can’t know what the Lord’s plan is for us. It’s a mystery meant for us to unravel,” Your words are true, but they feel bitter on your tongue. “No matter how hard it might be.”

Billy’s eyes soften at your words, thick lashes clumping together with unshed tears, and when he speaks again, his voice is full of emotion.

“You remind me of my Ma,”

He’s told you about his Ma. A kindly, religious minded woman whose devotion to God and her ‘rotten, cheatin’, stealin’ ass husband’ was her downfall.

“‘I won’t leave him’ she said.” Billy had huffed, hands squeezing into fists as they wrapped tightly around the blanket. “‘I said my vows before God and the Catholic church’. What am I supposed to say to that?”

You can see how it eats at him - still after all these years since his mother’s passing and the guilt of not being able to save her, to protect her from anything and everything trying to harm her, it gnaws away at his heart. You think she might have been his best friend.

“Yeah, you remind me of my Ma,” He repeats, voice soft and low, and you wonder if this is the voice that he used to use when talking to her. “She was optimistic too. A dreamer, always tryin’ to see the best in people when all they do is show you their worst.”

“She sounds like a lovely lady,” You say. It’s genuine - you think it would have been an honor to meet the woman that Billy called a mother had you ever gotten the chance.

The woman who was strong for her family when it felt like the entire world was crumbling down around them. The woman who pushed for progress and courage when they uprooted their entire lives in hopes of finding something better elsewhere and held it together for the sake of her children when their father passed. The woman who sacrificed staying in an unfaithful and unhappy marriage for the sake of her kids and loyalty to God’s will.

“The vows we make are meant to be for eternity, Billy,” You had told him. “They are not to be broken easily or without consequence. If they were, there would be no point in making them and they would lose their significance.”

Your own mother knew that too. Despite how much you wanted her to leave him when you were younger - run away just you, Mama, and Joe - she never did.

“My father wasn’t a very nice man either,” You say, eventually. “Like your stepdad. He was cruel. He would hit her, and Joe…” The me remains unspoken, but understood anyway.

Billy remains silent, but his eyes are on you, listening with full attention to whatever you’re about to tell him. The idea that maybe God has sent Billy into your life to help heal some unresolved part of you, too, isn’t lost on you.

“I know that we are all God’s children,” You say. “And I know that there is good in all people. But sometimes… I think the Devil’s hold is much too strong on some. Because I can’t remember even one ounce of goodness in my father.”

“Is your mother still with him?”

“No. She’s dead.”

The days go by with an unexpected ease that you're grateful for.

You talk, and talk, and talk - and honestly, that's about as much as you can do. Your brother has nothing. No forms of entertainment and no distractions that wouldn't be considered laborious and harmful for Billy's recovery.

You like to talk though. Like to get to know people and have other's get to know you in return. Each person is unique - an extension of God and an example of His love for us personified.

It's even better when the energetic connection is instant, two souls recognizing each other and relating to each other in a way that you think all of God's children should be able to. Talking with Billy is easy, and despite the differences in religious views, you find that conversation between the both of you flows like water. And when that water sometimes finds itself hitting the shore of land, you find that Sam has come through for you once again.

Sam, bless his soul, has had the forethought to pack a chess board and a pack of playing cards in his care package, and you find that they become quite handy when the rare silence between conversations becomes too stretched.

Despite the initial stress and your reasoning for being here, it's nice.

Five days into the stay at your brother’s place finds you relieved to see that Billy’s wound is still making progress with its healing. You were a little concerned that the threat of being caught and the additional stress on the stitches from the abrupt movements of being transferred to the cabin could have brought about an infection, but the area around the injury still looks clean.

You make sure to send up a quick prayer of thanks for the Good Lord’s grace.

While Billy’s wound is healing nicely, your back, on the other hand, is in significant pain.

Joe’s place is built for one, so the single bed in the only bedroom is more than enough to house him when he’s home. For two, however - it’s a little problematic.

Billy gets the bed, that’s a given. He’s injured, and people need to be comfortable with lots of rest so that they can heal properly. You’re no stranger to uncomfortable sleeping spaces anyway. You’ve spent more than your share of nights on the floor of dusty inns during your travels and, to be completely honest, it's not like the beds at the convent were much better. It’s moments like this where it reminds you of how many things humans take for granted in their day-to-day lives. Sometimes it takes losing something for someone to appreciate it.

Despite the uncomfortableness, sleeping on the floor has never really bothered you much. It’s been a few years since you’ve had to do it though. Even on the round-the-clock shifts at the clinic there’s at least been a cot available to you, but here there’s only the hard wooden floor and the single blanket you’ve allowed yourself to claim.

And, perhaps you aren’t as young as you used to be, because the shooting pain in your back as you carefully roll to your side has you gasping.

Billy must hear the noise because you can hear the slight ruffle of bedding as he shifts, his voice calling out a concerned, “Sister, you alright?”

“Fine,” You call back through gritted teeth. Every movement feels like torture as you brace your hands on the floor to help push you up. You can do it, you tell yourself. You can do it. God willing… “Just- ah! Just trying to– get up.”

The rustling of the bedding sounds more deliberate now and you’re shouting from your place on the floor before you can think about what you’re doing. “Don’t you dare get out of that bed, William Bonney! Or so help me,”

The rustling stops, and you steel yourself to try to push up and off the floor. It feels like a miracle when you’re on your feet. Your garments are wrinkled and slightly dusted, but that’s to be expected out here. It’s the bare space on the floor that gives you pause. How are you meant to sleep on the floor again tonight with the way you feel right now? The thought seems almost unbearable. Perhaps Billy will spare one of his extra blankets - the slight extra cushion could be all you need.

At least that’s what you’re telling yourself.

A few steps takes you into the bedroom and your suspicions are confirmed when you see Billy sitting up in the bed, blankets pooling down at his waist as his arms prop himself up, his right leg is just swung over the edge of the bed at the knee in a perfect indication of his intention of getting up.

Ignoring the pain in your back, you walk forward, clicking your tongue in disapproval as you push him back down flat with a firm hand to his forehead. He goes back willingly, moving his leg back in place when you tap on his knee.

“You could have pulled your stitches trying to get up like that,” You reprimand.

“‘So help you’ what?” He responds.

“What?”

“You said ‘or so help me’. So, ‘or so help me’ what?” Billy says with a small playful smirk on his face.

“God,” You respond with a smile of your own. “So help me God. So that maybe He can send me some holy restraints to tie you to this bed to keep you from ripping your stitches and worsening your injury that I worked so hard on healing.”

Billy’s smirk widens. “Careful now, Sister. Some people like that kinda thing,”

You can feel the heat flood your face from his implication, eyes widening as your mouth parts in shock.

You don’t know how to respond - you’ve never been in this type of situation before. For men and all their faults, you’ve been lucky to find that most of them, even the criminals and frequent brothel visitors have mostly been respectful of your title. Inappropriate comments and jokes have rarely been said in your presence since becoming a nun, and on the rare occasion they have you’ve never been shocked since the offenders are always obvious the second they open their mouths.

But somehow it strikes you speechless to hear the sexual meaning coming from Billy’s lips.

“Oh, is that too much for the Angel’s ears?” He laughs. “M’sorry.”

You force a quiet laugh, working your lips into a small smile as you try to battle through the uncomfortableness. He’s just joking. He doesn’t mean anything by it. Men will be men for as sexually driven as they are, and some are just more outspoken about it than others. Billy’s been on his own since he was a young teen, running around with that band of outlaws who you’re sure are far worse than he is. You’ve had the displeasure of meeting Jesse Evans before. And you certainly weren’t shocked when the rude words fell from his mouth about how he imagined how good you would look without all that ‘modesty bullshit you have on’.

Billy isn’t Jesse though, so you just lightly smack his shoulder with the back of your hand as you let out a half teasing but mostly serious, “You watch your language around me, sir. I’m a lady,”

“Yes, ma’am,” He grins. “Yes, you are.”

You hum out a small sound of disapproval as you bend forward slightly to try and adjust the blankets that have twisted around his waist during his premature attempt to stand, but you're stopped when the sharp pain consequence of sleeping on the floor shoots up your spine. Billy starts at your loud gasp, hand darting out to grab your arm as if he could catch you if you suddenly dropped to the ground. Your hands press against your back in agony and they stay there as you slowly limp to the chair next to the bed.

Billy watches as you gingerly lower yourself into the seat. The pain doesn’t go away now that you’re sitting down, but at least you don’t have to move for a while. “What happened?”

“Sleeping on the floor hasn’t been very kind to me,” You respond through gritted teeth.

“You should sleep in the bed then,”

“No,” You say, shaking your head, appalled at the thought of kicking Billy out of the bed while he’s still healing. “You’re injured. You get the bed.”

The eyebrow raise you get in response tells you that you misunderstood his meaning. “I think we can both share the bed,”

“No,” You say, again. “No, no. It’s not proper.”

“Sister y/n–”

“I’ll be fine. I’ve dealt with harder things than just sleeping on the floor. A little back pain isn’t going to keep me down,”

Billy looks like he doesn’t believe you, but he keeps quiet on the matter anyway.

He distracts you instead by keeping you talking. He asks about why you decided to join the convent and take your vows. You tell him about your brother and how he couldn’t bear to be around your drunk of a father anymore, and how you harbored such anger at him for what felt like an eternity but was only actually a year and a half because you felt betrayed by him. Deserted and left to fend for yourself by your own brother. How you walked around your house praying to never be seen, acting like a ghost in your own home in hopes of keeping away any avoidable conflict. How your mother did her best to shelter you from it all, and you can tell by the way Billy’s brows furrow and his lips pinch together that he wants to say something harsh in response, but he stays silent. You can only imagine what he would say.

“Shelterin’ you would’ve been takin’ you far away from him, not forcin’ you to stay in a dangerous place just because she thinks it's what God wants. If that’s what God really wants, then maybe he’s the evil one, hm?”

You’re thankful he doesn’t actually say it. You’re not sure if you would have the right words to try to defend otherwise.

“Turning to God was the best thing I’ve ever done,” You say instead. “In Him I’ve found peace like I’ve never known before. I found a family and a purpose in life. That’s more than I could ever ask for.”

“That should be the bare minimum,”

Turns out it doesn’t matter what he decided to say because you don’t really have the right words to defend against that statement either.

“You deserve to have someone lookin’ out for you,” Billy says, and his stare is so earnest and intense that you can’t bare to look him in the eyes anymore.

“I’m… I’m going to go make breakfast,”

He watches you push yourself up from the chair, wincing as your back protests the movement, but doesn’t move to stop you.

You use the time you’re cooking to gather yourself. Prayers of apology fall from your lips to God as you beg for forgiveness at being caught unable to hear His wisdom during your conversation with Billy. Billy spoke his truth, no matter how wrong it was, and his words made you falter - unable to uphold Him and His grace in the face of judgment. This is your mission, your test.

And you’re failing.

Sister Catherine wouldn’t have hesitated. She would have known exactly how to respond to his disbelief. She has a level head on her shoulders, the words of God falling from her lips like water. Perhaps she would have been better suited to handle this task.

No. That’s the work of the devil - the fear and self-doubt you feel. Meant to slow you down and keep you from fulfilling your cause and spiritual duties.

Steeling yourself, you pile spoonfuls of the now thickened oatmeal into two bowls, topping them with a generous drizzle of honey before picking them up and taking a deep breath. You try your best to ignore the pain still throbbing in your back as you head back to the bedroom, pausing just outside the door and letting the heat from the bowls sink into your hands as you talk yourself up.

Have faith in His Holiness, y/n. He will guide you.

When Billy’s eyes catch on you as you walk through the doorway, his face is soft and friendly - none of the overwhelming intensity or barely contained anger that was there before.

“That smells great,” He says, taking the bowl from your outstretched hand. His bright blue eyes follow your movement as you sink slowly back into the chair next to the bed, resting your own bowl on your lap.

He smiles, clearly trying to calm your unease that you’re sure is still evident on your face and takes a large bite of oatmeal.

“Hmm,” He hums, closing his eyes briefly at the taste. “This is delicious. Best meal I’ve ever had. Cooked by an angel, I can tell.”

“Thank you,” You reply, and you can feel the involuntary pull of a smile on your lips at the praise.

He’s a good man, too. You can tell.

The floor isn’t any softer as night rolls around.

You try to sleep on your stomach, one arm propped underneath your head and the blanket balled on top of it so you have something soft to rest your cheek on. The other arm twists down at your side, a position that probably doesn’t seem very pleasant but that’s been your go-to comfort position since you were a young girl. It helps alleviate the tightness in your back for a little bit, but the ache is still there - laying in wait until you fall asleep and your body automatically rolls into the more reasonable position for floor sleeping.

You don’t sleep, or at least you don’t think you do. It doesn’t feel like you do. Your mini dozes just feel like blinks, those moments where you close your eyes, just for a second, before you’re opening them again in the next moment only to realize how much time has actually gone by. You’re not sure if it's minutes or hours, but more often than not you’re blinking only to find that you’re mid roll in adjusting positions and the pain in your back is too intense for your sleeping brain to handle. At one point, you manage to roll completely over before you wake up - the blink of closing your eyes while on your stomach, darkness encompassing the entirety of the main room, and then suddenly your eyes are opening again with the ceiling as your viewpoint, the beginnings of the sun shining in through the window, and the unbelievable agony ever present in your spine.

You’re so preoccupied with the pain that you almost don’t notice Billy standing in the doorway of the bedroom. His eyes are set on your tensed frame, dark brows furrowed in concern as he takes a cautious step towards you.

“Sister y/n,” He says, carefully.

“W-what are you doing o-out of bed?” You ask through gritted teeth. Oh gosh, this hurts so much. You feel like you can’t move, like your entire body is stiff as a board and one wrong move will snap the wood across the grain where it’s the weakest and break it in half. You can’t even bear the thought of rolling over to try to get up.

Billy ignores your question, crouching down beside you with one knee pressing into the floor for stability. His hand caresses the wound on his side, and even through your pain you don’t miss the slight wince he gives even as his eyes rake over you with worry.

“Are you okay?” He asks. The hand that was just pressed to his side comes to cup your cheek.

You’re not sure why you’re noticing how large his hand is right now in this moment as it presses against your skin, his long fingers curling to press gently into the fabric of your veil just behind your ear. You should be chastising him, scolding him for getting out of the bed and possibly injuring himself further. He winced, you saw it. He’s in pain. But all you can focus on right now is the comfort his warm hand brings with your nerves this fried and body this agonized.

“It hurts,” You whimper.

“I know, Angel. I know.” His voice is soft and soothing, the low tone caressing your eardrums.

The sight of his eyes watering cuts through the pain for a moment, and you wonder if that’s really truly what you’re seeing or if maybe it’s your own tear filled eyes playing tricks on you. Your hand reaches up, intent on caressing his own cheek and swiping your thumb under his eye to see if it's actually wet, but he catches your hand in his and brings the back of your hand to his lips.

“You’ve done so much for me already,” He murmurs, lips brushing against the back of your hand. “Let me help you now, okay?”

Billy’s arms fit themselves under your body, one arm creeping underneath your tensed back while the other loops beneath your knees. Your hand clutches desperately at his shirt, fisting the material in between your fingers, as he lifts you from the floor. Your agonized gasp mixes with his own grunt of pain as he stands up with you held securely in his arms and pressed against his chest.

“Your stitches,” You try to say, but he just shushes you.

“Shh. Don’t worry about me. M’fine,”

He carries you to the bed, carefully placing you down on the mattress. The softness of it under your back doesn’t do much to alleviate the pain, but the anxious part of you is hopeful that it will the longer you lay on it. But then Billy walks around the other side, the bed dipping down under his weight as he settles down on it, and you’re instantly filled with shame.

You shouldn’t be in bed with a man. Ever. You gave up that possibility when you took your vows, promising that it's only His spirit that would ever get to be around an area as intimate and personal as your bed.

“I can’t,” You say, trying in vain to push yourself up, but the sharp pain you receive for your efforts makes you freeze. “Ah! It’s not– not proper.”

“Y/n, please,” He says, hand coming down to press lightly on your shoulder to keep you down. “Just for today.”

You almost miss it - the absence of the title when he says your name. And that’s inappropriate too. Not only are you alone with a man, in the same bed together, but he’s dropped the earned title to show your life’s calling entirely. You want to reprimand him immediately. Jump out of the bed and wiggle your finger in his face just to make him understand how wrong this is.

But his eyes are filled with worry, silently begging you to just lay there for a while, just until you feel better and the words die in your throat.

He’s a good man. He doesn’t mean any harm by it. It was just a mistake, the title lost among the honest worry you can see reflected in his eyes.

“You can’t take care of me if you can’t even walk,”

Your eyes close, a resigned sigh escaping your lips as you reluctantly press deeper into the soft sheets. He’s right. You need to recover so you can continue to aid in his recovery. You can’t do your job if you're bedridden.

“Just for today,” You settle.

Just for today.

That was your intention anyway. Just stay in the bed, enjoying the small pleasure of the soft mattress against your back, and wait for the pain to dissipate enough for you to be able to resume your nightly rests on the floor in the main room. You didn’t even want to stay in the bed all day. It was a hopeful thought, that you would feel better in just an hour's time, maybe two or three at the most, and then you would feel better enough to be able to get up and return to your duties as normal. But you realize now that the honest hope for that was just willful ignorance on your part.

You work in a clinic and you’ve dealt with your fair share of back injury patients during your lifetime. You know it’s not something easily overcome or relieved in a matter of hours - sometimes even days or weeks.

God can perform miracles and you see the blessings He puts in your path each and every day. This, unfortunately, is not one of His miracles.

The hours blend together - one turning into two, and then two into four, until you can’t take the stillness anymore.

You force it a few times, pushing through the pain and slower than ever making it up and off the bed as you try to go about your day like normal. Being on the bed makes it so much easier to roll off than trying to push yourself up from the floor without the help of gravity. Your back protests as you roll off the edge, Billy echoing its protests with actual words instead of shocks of pain as he tries to urge you back down, but you grit your teeth and slap his hand away.

There’s a small amount of guilt creeping up from how hard you smack his hand, but it's still buried so deep under the agony and the overwhelming frustration of feeling useless that you can’t even stand to give it a second thought.

Billy watches you as you slowly make your way around the room. It’s not too bad to walk as long as you don’t bend or twist your upper body at all, but it's all becoming much too obvious now how much one takes their movements for granted until they’re face to face with their sudden inability to make even the slightest normal movement.

The empty bedpan sits on its own short stool in the corner of the room, next to the usual chamberpot. It’s been hours now since either of you have had to use them and even though you still feel fine enough to forego the chamberpot, which… thank the Lord because you’re honestly not sure how you’re meant to position yourself correctly in order to use the pot or even the outhouse for that matter in your current condition - you’re sure Billy is probably ready to use it.

“Do you need the bedpan?” You ask him, already reaching for it.

It's another moment of stupidity on your part when you go to reach for it and bend down with your back instead of using your knees. Another dagger of pain shoots up your spine and your hands fly around you to cradle the ache.

Billy shoots up as the sharp gasp leaves your lips, the bed rustling and creaking underneath him as he tries to push himself up. Your head jerks at the sounds and your shout is echoing through the small room before you can even think about it.

“Sit down!”

He freezes at your words, big blue eyes wide as he stares at you, the anger and frustration in your command no doubt audible in the way your yell scratches your own throat.

“Sorry,” You say, softly. “Billy, I’m sorry. Just…” Your eyes shift to where he’s pressing his hand against his side, directly over the wound and the guilt from earlier creeps back full force.

He’s already moved today. Already possibly hurt himself more by getting out of bed to check on you and then carrying your full weight to the bed.

You didn’t even check it afterwards.

“Just stay down,” You continue. “Don’t move.”

Reluctantly, he relaxes back on the bed, just sitting there and watching you when he should be flat down so as to not put extra strain on the wound. You want to tell him that - that he should be resting because he’s injured and injuries can’t heal if he’s just moving about however he pleases. You’ve said it before and he’s listened, but you have a feeling he wouldn’t hesitate to call out your hypocrisy this time.

“You sit down too,”

His words are soft, the timbre of his voice soothing and gentle but the words themselves are as demanding as they can be. Your eyes flick back up to his and you can see the unspoken threat in them.

If you keep pushing yourself, I will too.

“Billy, I can’t just sit around all day. I have things to do,”

“What things?”

“Things,” You press. “I have to– clean and make food. And care for you. That’s my job,”

“It’s clean, Sister,” He says, waving his arm around the mostly bare room. “There’s not much you can do. And we can wait for food, I’m not even hungry yet. What else are you tryin’ to do?”

Your eyes close and sigh, praying to God to give you patience because you know that your own stubbornness is as much a strength as it is a hindrance and you can quickly see that the same could be said for your young outlaw charge as well.

“Do you need to use the bedpan?” You repeat.

“No,” Billy says, and he sounds just as over the conversation as you feel. “M’fine.”

“Fine,”

He expects you to return to the bed, you can see in those eyes how he thinks it’s a battle he’s won. And perhaps he has, in a way. But you’re still in charge here and you’re not going to let him know that right away.

You turn on your heel, exiting the bedroom as swiftly as you can bear and Billy’s shout of protest races from the bed and follows you out in the main room.

“Sister y/n!”

“Hold your horses, Billy,” You call back, raising your hand up as if to wave him off. “I’m just grabbing something.”

Your bag is sitting next to your makeshift bed and you make sure to use your knees this time when you bend down to grab it. You can feel Billy’s gaze burning into your back as you rummage through it and even though there’s only so many supplies you were able to stuff into your bag before you left the clinic, you’re still relieved when you’re able to find what you’re looking for rather quickly.

Billy eyes the knitting needles and balls of yarn cradled in your arms as you bring them back to the bed. They follow the needles and yarn as you drop them on the mattress and then flick back up to yours, waiting for you to say something.

“Well, if I can’t be useful on my feet, I’m going to at least be productive off them,” You tell him. You raise your eyebrow, daring him to object.

He doesn’t. Instead, he brushes the supplies out of your way and motions to the newly cleared space with an open palm.

“Then I reckon you should get off those feet, Sister,” He smirks.

It feels almost like giving up as you settle back down on the bed. You know it’s not - you can only do what your body is allowing you to do. Pushing through the pain or discomfort is fine to a point, but only if there is truly a need for it and as much as you don’t want to admit it, Billy is right. There is no need for you to be up on your feet right now and continuing to give in to your stubbornness is doing more harm than good. The Lord has given your body the ability to give you physical clues as to what it needs. You thirst when you need water, hunger when you need food, and get tired when you need rest. It’s speaking to you now - telling you how the current sleeping environment you’ve put it in has not provided it with the rest and comfort it needs to recuperate from the day to day demands and now it's making you.

Your body is a temple, and you have to respect it and care for its needs.

But just sitting here still feels like failure. You’ve never been one to just sit around for so long and the past few days of doing just that has made your patience run a bit thin. You are a healer. You help people. Doing anything and everything you can for them in their moments of need and it's in those moments that you receive your strength. You didn’t expect to be running around from room to room here as often as you were while working in the clinic, but not having a choice in the matter is more difficult than you could have imagined.

The Lord has designed you to be His helper. Your life’s mission is to help people.

But now you’re finding it hard to even help yourself, and that alone feels like failure.

You close your eyes and send up a brief prayer, apologizing for your pause in the task that He’s granted you by inadvertently hurting the body He’s blessed you with and asking Him to grant you the strength and patience needed to overcome this hurdle.

When you open your eyes, Billy’s still staring at you.

“You seem like you got somethin’ weighin’ on your mind, Sister,” He says.

You shake your head, smiling kindly at him. He’s a sweet boy - kind and caring despite the fact that he’s been the victim of some of your frustration today. “Nothing you need burden yourself with, Billy,”

His eyes are earnest as he watches you, leaning in closer as he says, “Nothin’ you do could ever be a burden to me,”

“Oh, is that so?” You say, the corner of your lips tugging mischievously as you grab your knitting needles and a new ball of yarn. You grab the free end of the yarn, pulling the starting length enough to give you enough to work with before tossing the ball at Billy. His hands are quick to grab it despite being unprepared for the throw and another small smile creeps on his face as he holds the soft sphere in his hand. “Then you won’t mind holding that and making sure my yarn doesn’t knot as I work, right?”

“No, Ma’am. Not at all,”

It’s cozy, you have to admit - working in silence as you cast the yarn onto your needles. The yarn is soft as your fingers brush against the developing chunk of project, and Billy must think so too since you can see how his thumb keeps swiping across the ball kept in his hand. He’s a good helper, keeping the working end of the yarn held loosely between his pointer and middle finger, just enough to guide it and prevent any catching or knots.

You’re making a blanket for the clinic. The rushed packing job almost saw that you had no form of productive entertainment on this trip, but thankfully Sister Ann had enough wits about her to suggest taking your knitting materials. Some of the blankets in the clinic are old and worn, some even well-loved enough to have holes in them. You won’t throw them away. That’s wasteful and you’ll continue to mend them until you can’t. But the clinic can be a sad enough place already, and if you can brighten someone’s day with a blanket that’s not ripped beyond belief and put back together again by the power of God and some well placed stitches, then you’d like to make that happen for them.

Plus, winter will be coming soon. And things can get mighty cold around here.

Billy is content to just watch you, eyes fixated on the movements of your hands and the way the yarn is twisted and eased into the blanket. At one point, you ask if Billy wants to knit too. You have a spare set of knitting needles in your bag and you figure that it might be funner for him to knit too instead of just watching you twist yarn over itself for hours on end. You could teach him if his Ma never did. Knitting is a valuable life skill. The ability to create new clothes or household goods from practically nothing is priceless.

But he shakes his head with a polite ‘no, thank you”.

“Why not?” You ask. “You don’t want to learn?”

“It’s not that,” He replies, still playing with the yarn ball in his hand. “I’d just rather watch you. It’s calming.”

Calming is an interesting way to describe watching someone knit. It’s calming for you - you enjoy it and it's a nice hobby along with being a practical skill to have under your belt. But watching someone knit? You don’t think you could do that for very long without trying to grab a pair of knitting needles for yourself.

“My Ma used to knit,” He says after a while. “I used to watch her make us sweaters or scarves for the winter. I used to hold her yarn too. Just like this.” A small smile pulls at his mouth at the memory. “I would respin the yarn for her when the balls would come undone. It was calming, just sittin’ there with her, in her presence, watching her repeat the patterns over and over.”

His fingers slide across the ball a bit, feeling the texture under his fingertips before he pulls a little more yarn from the ball to give your working strand some more slack.

“This feels like that,” He continues. “Here with you right now makes me feel like I did with her. At peace.”

Your chest clenches at his words and your hand closest to him drops one of the needles before reaching up and resting it on his shoulder.

“I’m honored,” You tell him. “Thank you for sharing that with me.”

His eyes flick down to where your hand is cradling his shoulder before they meet yours again, and you're shocked to see a sort of desperation in them with they lock on yours.

“I always pictured I would do it for my own wife one day,” He whispers. “Supportin’ her while she makes somethin’ beautiful for our kids to wear. Or somethin’ warm for them to snuggle up in.”

“You will,” You say. Your hand moves from his shoulder to cup his cheek before you move to grab the knitting needles again. “The Lord will bless you with someone wonderful, Billy. I know He will.”

You hear him hum next to you, but you keep your eyes forward and focused on your project. You know what that hum means.

“Don’t think I need the Lord’s help much,” He says. “I think I can manage just fine on my own.”

The blanket quickly comes to life under your fingers, skillful movements manipulating the yarn into a solid and beautifully woven product that you think will look so homely laid out on the beds of the clinic. Sometimes things can get so boring, bland colors and a too sanitary palette can make an already dreary situation all the more woeful. The pretty blue of the blanket would make a nice contrast to all the white and gray.

Billy watches as you work and keeps the yarn from getting tangled when the balls reach their end and loosen from their coiled form. You only stop a few times throughout the day - once to eat some quickly made oatmeal, once so you can check on Billy’s wound and replace the bandage, and a few times so you could relieve yourselves. By the time the yarn balls you’ve pulled from your bag have been knitted into the blanket, it’s dark out and you have only the small lamp by the bedside table to give you light.

The blanket rests in your lap, knitting needles still in your hand as you look towards the bedroom door and out to where you can see your sleeping area still set up.

“You’re sleeping on the bed,” He says, firmly, as if he can read your mind and see the thoughts you haven’t even fully formed yet.

It’s for the best. You know it’s for the best. The Lord wouldn’t strike you down for doing what you have to do to let yourself heal, even if it means sharing a bed with a man.

And still… “I shouldn’t,”

“Then I’ll sleep on the floor,”

He doesn’t wait for you to respond, already sliding a leg over the side of the bed and you’re grabbing hold of his arm before you can think about what you’re doing.

“No!” You shout, fingers digging hard into his bicep. “You’re injured! You need to stay in the bed.”

He pauses, eyes boring into yours. “You are too,”

“I know,” You say, releasing his arm. Your palm gently rubs over the area you grabbed, trying to soothe any hurt you might have caused when you grabbed him. “I know. I’ll stay.”

He relaxes at your words, lifting his leg back on the bed as he leans back against the pillow.

“I’ll be respectful,” He whispers and the blue of his eyes shines brightly even in the dim glow of the lamp. “I swear.”

You follow his lead, carefully tossing the knitted blanket on the floor and laying back slowly, being mindful of your back as you rest your head on the balled up blanket you snagged from your sleeping spot the last time you got up to make dinner.

“I know you will,”

You haven’t known him for long, but you feel like if there is any man you can trust to be respectful in a situation like this - it’s Billy.

You can see God in him, even if he can’t see Him within himself.

But it still feels weird, feels wrong - sleeping next to another man. And you turn your head to the side, away from Billy, so he doesn’t see the silent tears that flow down your cheek and into the fabric where your face presses harder against the blanket.

You pray until you fall asleep.

There’s a hand on you when you wake up in the middle of the night.

It’s still dark in the room, your groggy eyes opening to pitch black and even though you can’t see anything, you can feel that you’ve flipped over at some point during your sleep.

It gives your back some relief, being on your stomach like this. And the hand gently rubbing up and down the length of your spine helps to bring even more relief. The hand is big, taking up a wide expanse along your back and the soothing back and forth motion of it helps to keep you in the blissful fog of sleep.

You find that your back does feel a little better come the morning thanks to the Lord's healing touch.

Taglist: @queenofshinigamis

#𝑇𝑎𝑙 𝑊𝑟𝑖𝑡𝑒𝑠 ✎#billy the kid smut #billy the kid x reader smut #billy the kid x reader #dark!billy the kid #tw: non con #tw: noncon #tw: dubcon #tw: dubious consent

196 notes · View notes

dipperscavern · 7 months ago

Note

Can i request Robb Stark with reader who doesn’t like the cold/gets cold easily?

absolutely!! thank you sm for the ask <3

ʚ‎‏ ͜ ̩͙ ︵ ̩͙ ୨ ♡ ୧ ̩͙ ‏︵ ̩͙ ͜ ɞ

you’ve always hated the cold. ironic, considering you live in the north, but it’s true. the heat you can handle. sure, it’s annoying, but you can function. but when you’re cold, all you can think about is the last time you were warm.

the only times you’ll brave the cold are to go to the godswood (and pray for warmth), to hunt, and to ride. anything else can either wait until the sun makes its appearance, or can be done inside the warm halls of winterfell. those are your exceptions.

okay, well, when you said hunting — you meant by yourself. maybe theon. you did not mean the entire royal hunting party of winterfell.

your first response was to deny the invitation to the day-long affair of bracing the cold, but you’re the best archer in winterfell. they need you. and ned stark himself asked you to come, so here you were. trudging through the wolfswood, draped in furs & freezing your arse off.

“I can’t believe she’s doin’ it. Look at her..” theon murmurs to robb. robb nods, the corners of his lips tugging up in a smirk as he watches you.

you’re tightly wound, trying to conserve what little warmth you have. you practically radiate dislike, and theons got bets on how long you’ll last until you call upon the old gods to strike the entire forest down (midday). your horse doesn’t carry your disdain for the snow. having been bred for the cold, it dutifully marches on — allowing you to hug yourself tightly, conserving what little warmth you have.

robb’s brows pinch in sympathy knowing your misery, but he can’t help the silent thanks he gives to the gods for dragging you out here. to rectify that, he sends a silent prayer to ask that the stag that was spotted is caught quickly, so you can retreat back to the heated halls of winterfell. he’s not entirely selfish.

apparently the gods are not taking prayers today.

every time the scent is picked up or tracks are spotted, they’re lost just as easily. even greywind isn’t having any luck — but then again, he’s barely the size of a dog. even so, robb can see your resolve withering. he attempts to fix it, draping his outermost layered fur coat over you. you lightly shiver, sighing as you feel the extra layer work to trap more of your warmth.

“I owe you my life.”

“You’ll be alright. ‘S not too bad out ‘ere.”

his attempts at making the cold seem better than it actually is only result in you sending him a glare, and he’s not sure he’s ever seen such hatred. your conversation is interrupted by shouts, and the scent is picked up once more. they’ve spotted the animal running off, and ned orders for people to go around & enclose it.

you’re eager to get it over with and be done, ready to return to the fur blankets in your room. ready to be warm.

you tie your horse, getting off & trudging to where you guess it’ll be forced to go. most of everyone is focused on pushing it in this direction, and you can only hope there’s a weirwood around here to hear your prayers. you hear shouts, the hooves of horses, and something tearing through the trees. you raise your bow, notching an arrow & waiting.

“Atta girl!” ned says, arm wrapped around your shoulders.

the stag lays on the ground, dead, with an arrow in its skull. you offer a polite smile, but really, you’re just thanking the gods it’s done with. there’s snow in your boots, you’re shivering, your knuckles are red, and you can feel the cold in your bones. you saunter over to robb and theon, muttering under your breath.

“Curse the cold. Curse the cold. Curse the cold…”

theon snickers to himself, and you have half a mind to knock him off his horse. you’re feeling merciful, and instead choose peace. you untie your horse, eagerly starting the journey back to winterfell.

thanks to your arrow, everyone eats well that night, including you. the hall is warm, the atmosphere filled with laughter & your belly is full — a right reward for getting frostbite on your liver. you decide to retire to bed early, the days activities having you beat. robb walks you to your chambers, and you lean into his warmth. he’s always run hot, and he’s happy to share the body heat.

you arrive to the door, and turn to robb to say goodnight. you subconsciously chase his warmth, grabbing one of his hands & playing with it, feeling your cooler ones heat up from the contact.

“Y’did good today.”

you shrug. “Wasn’t horrible…” you’re lying. it was. robb knows it too.

he tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. “Still. Know you hate the cold.”

robb’s hand goes to your jaw, tilting it up as he kisses you. his lips are soft, and warm. he’s caught you off guard, and you can feel him smiling against your lips. once the kiss breaks, you both linger in each others presence. has he ever been so charming?

he’s out to prove you right when he leans in, kissing your temple & murmuring a soft “Night, pretty.”

he turns & walks down the hallway, knowing if he looks back he won’t be sleeping in his room. you watch him leave, and you feel your cheeks heat up as you open your door & step inside.

maybe you’ll have to brave the cold more often.

#game of thrones #robb stark #robb stark x reader #robb stark prompt #robb stark imagine #robb stark x you #dippys asks #i hope this is alright #I’m not really sure where this specific scenario came from but hey!#we rocking w it #this is kinda short I’m sorry #anyways #WHO NEEDS TO GIVE HIM CHILDREN??#DING DING DING #RIGHT HERE OFFICER 🙋‍♀️

175 notes · View notes

the-100-days-of-junkan · 27 days ago

Text

Day 90

Alright. So you might be thinking, pondering, desperately contemplating to yourself a simple question.

“JEM. WHAT THE FUCK??? WHY????” And I hear you, I get it, it’s a lot to take in out of nowhere and that’s the point. Sit with me, peer into the biohazard that is in my brain as I explain to you why in the name of all that’s good I made a fucking Music Video.

So last time on the 100 Days of Junkan, for Day 80 I got very silly and animated a gif of Junko and Mikan kissing. And as I keep saying over and over again, every 10 pics I wanted to go BIGGER. And maybe this is just the brainrot causing all of my mental functions to degrade past the point of no return, but the only way up at this point was in fact a music video.

But surely I couldn’t. I mean, I only have that single gif as experience with animation! How the fuck could I try and put myself through a process that I have absolutely no experience making something as ambitious as a Music Video! I’ll have to do something else. But then.

I had a thought, a small thought, an evil little thought that wormed its way into my head and didn’t leave.

“Okay. But wouldn’t it be really funny if you sent a full Junkan music video to Val without any warning?” That was it. I was beaten, I couldn’t counter that. The sheer comedic shock value of keeping my wonderful oomfie, the one who has helped motivate me through this entire project, who has given amazing responses to all of these pics as I made them, completely in the dark over this, and then finally with no context, or warning, or even a hint, dropping a fucking music video on her lap and running away like I’m pranking someones god damn doorbell. It was too much, even moreso considering I could do the same with ya’ll!

You! My varied followers, the silent and the vocal, or even better the random fucking people who have been staring in confusion as the Junko and Mikan tag got flooded with art of these two kissing out of nowhere for like three fucking months. I had an opportunity to send everyone into surprise and confusion because why the fuck did I make a god damn music video??? How??? It was too fucking funny to pass up!

This is easily the most fucking bizarre thing I’ve done for the entire event! Did any of you think this was the path this would go down?? Did any of ya’ll see that I made a gif and think “Surely this scrawny white bitch also made a Music Video.” I doubt it! But if you did, my undying respect goes to you!

So here we are. A Music Video. A fucking Music Video, one which I now have to talk about. It took a full fucking page just to get to the point where I actually talk about it and this took me THREE MONTHS TO MAKE, spanning from May 8th to August 1st!

So here’s what I’m gonna do. First, I’m gonna talk about MAKING this fucking thing, and then when I finish that I’m going to switch over to talking about the actual contents of the music video. This is going to get really messy and will probably go into tangents, but ya’ll have hopefully coped with the knowledge that this is going to be a lot of words by the time you hit the end of this sentence. (Future Jem here! I think this was actually shorter than Day 60) So without further delay-

The Making of Snow Fairy, a Junkan Music Video. Yes. Really.

So the first step of this was obviously, The Music. What song would I use for this? Well initially the plan was to animate something using the song “Everything You’ve Ever Dreamed.” And if that name sounds familiar, yes, it is the song that Val’s fic was named after. Now the idea wasn’t to adapt her fanfic into a music video (or at least it wasn’t the idea for more than 5 minutes). I was simply going to use this song to make a music video depicting a romantic journey with these two. So why not this song?

IT’S LIKE 6 FUCKING MINUTES. Not to jump ahead of myself here but I can’t make it any clearer for ya’ll, that Gif from Day 80??? That was it. That was all I had going into this. I didn’t do any other practice, I didn’t make anything else like that gif. I made that gif, took like two weeks to make Days 81-89, and jumped into a music video. And yes, that’s fucking stupid, but you’ve all learned by this point that I don’t make sensible choices. I draw women kissing, scream, and feel endless euphoria- I got so off topic already, sorry.

Anyway that’s a 6 minute song and I had very little experience, even I knew that wasn’t gonna be viable without driving my head into the wall from stress. And while the idea of me dialing it back sounds unheard of given my track record, I did in fact scale back massively.

So I pondered, and eventually came to a quite frankly obvious answer.

youtube

(Sorry I could only find an AI Upscaled version with interpolation)

Snow Fairy, the first opening of Fairy Tail, AKA, my favorite piece of fiction. And Snow Fairy is my favorite anime opening of all time, if not just straight up my favorite song ever. The fact that it wasn’t my first thought is a shock. Though that still brought on some questions.

Firstly. What version? Because yes I actually had options. I could either use the original song in Japanese, or the english cover by LeeandLie. I was close to picking the original version by Funkfist, but there was two issues. One, because it was in another language that means I would have had to taken the time to put in subtitles and keep them properly timed, which would have just been one more thing on an already massive workload. The second reason is also why I went with LeeandLie’s version, I just like the translation for the lyrics a bit more. At least in terms of how well I think it works for a Junkan Music Video. So we had the cover of the song I was gonna use, next question.

Full Song? Or the intro edit? Because the version used in the anime is obviously much shorter, and not just that actually includes the very end of the song pasted to a much earlier part of it. So if I wanted to use the shorter version I would have needed to actively edited the song.

After much thought I chose to ask my friend (and now current girlfriend) Yves to edit the song to match the intro version of Funkfists cover and worked from there. Because even if I would have loved to use the full song, that’s around 3 minutes, which for essentially a beginner sounds like fucking torture.

So I had a song around 1 minute and 28 seconds to work with. Much easier- WRONG. WRONG IT WAS STILL PAINFUL. WHY DID I DO THIS- Anyway.

We had our song! Now we had to make the actual video!

Step 1, I actually made a Storyboard, this is the smartest thing I will do during this entire process.

As you can see from this lil joke doodle I made during the process, I didn’t even start the actual video before I had realized I had made a massive mistake, however I was of course going to persevere. The Storyboard took about, 2? 3 days? This is mostly because I had other work to prioritize, and I had to make sure I got this pretty solid. Here it is!

(The file name for this has the phrase "Why god Why" btw)

As you can see it’s very, very professional.

You can also see there were a few things cut or changed, and even stuff that wasn’t there in the first place. That’s because even if I was going into this with more of a plan compared to other parts of this, I still really had no idea what I was getting into nor how to do it. The scene of all the girls doing their hair was cut because it just seemed like an awkward space filler to try and mimic the actual Snow Fairy Intro animation. In hindsight I do wish I kept it or found a replacement rather than just extending the following scene. And yeah that scene had to be super extended so I could actually time things properly.

As for the scene at the end, the various art pieces flashing in the background (which I will talk about later) were done because I realized without them I had way too much dead air in the scene. I then took advantage of it to show a montage of time passing in the scene itself, of the things that differed from the storyboard that’s the one I’m happiest with.

Storyboard has passed so now I have to talk about making the video itself, i feel like i’ve said some variation of that sentence like 5 times now.

So do you want a fun fact? THIS WASN’T SUPPOSED TO BE ANIMATED! This was supposed to be an Animatic, and even that might not be the right word. This was supposed to be basically a storyboard with hints of motion, say for the intro with Monokuma which I always planned to properly animate given his simplistic design. Everything else was supposed to be much simpler.

And then I kept. Accidentally. TRYING TO ANIMATE IT. I DON’T KNOW HOW YOU EVEN DO THAT BY ACCIDENT! And like sure, none of it really gets as meticulous as the Monokuma, but I still ended up learning way more about animating things properly during this project because I just couldn’t help myself. It was always “Well just one more frame to make it look right. One more frame. Okay just another- Oh no.” This is the depths of hell this ship has dragged me to, and even if I haven’t had a chance to fully make use of what I learned here because I’ve been busy, Junkan somehow made me into a fucking animatory at least to the degree of a hobbyist. IF YOU TOLD ME THAT A FEW YEARS AGO I’D THINK YOU WERE LYING! Because if you asked me before this year about my opinion on animating, I’d tell you something around the lines of-

“God I wish I could, but I just don’t have the patience for that y’know?” I GUESS THAT DOESN’T MATTER WHEN IT'S A NICHE SHIP?? Mind you this was still when I was under the impression I was going to get backlash for all this, I didn’t care but I certainly thought it would come to me. The hold these two have on my brain is downright COMICAL.

And I’m sorry if I sound like this is me complaining at all, because I’m really not, I just get more excitable and whacked out during these more high effort projects. This ship has brought me immense joy on its own, and making this project despite the exhaustive work it took to do so has been so fulfilling in part thanks to being able to see the joy my work has brought all of you. I wouldn’t trade this for anything.

But you gotta fucking admit, this isn’t fucking normal right?? None of this is normal! And I don’t mean that in a “We’re all weirdos for liking this” kind of way I mean that in a “What the fuck is going on with me specifically” kind of thing because what is ANY of this?? I re-learned how to write (loosely at least), learned how to actually paint in my program, have developed a deeper understanding of both myself and how to portray expressions, have just generally gotten better at drawing cause of this, memorized these fucking designs almost perfectly (almost, i know there’s some small details of Junko’s design i leave out and Mikan’s apron can be a challenge at times), learned how to animate, LEARNED HOW TO MAKE A MUSIC VIDEO ON ONE GIF OF EXPERIENCE, made angsty shipping art for the first time, and god fucking KNOWS what else that I’m forgetting. And that’s ignoring that by this point we’re edging so much closer to me being able to say “I’ve drawn Junkan 200 fucking times” any god damn day now.

If this isn’t abnormal human being behaviour, it at the very least has to be really fuckin funny behaviour, right?? Am I just overthinking this??

Oh god, right, the main topic. Sorry about that it’s just been eating away at me the sheer absurdity of this project when I really step back and think about it.

Anyway making the vid, I did have a LOT of help from my girlfriend @sunmellows, who actually does have animation experience. She’s more versed in using sprites to animate, but a lot of the techniques could be carried over to what I was doing here. That segment of Mikan and Mukuro running along past a bunch of characters? She helped me so much to get the walk cycles perfect for that.

She also helped me make sure I could actually show this fucking video to people, because fun fact. I made this on an absolute piece of shit laptop! And at first it was relatively fine when I exported projects. But when I got to the point of being actually close to completion? Oh my god not only did it take hours, it just didn’t even work. It would basically KILL my laptops performance to the absolute limit until I would eventually have to force restart the thing. Which thank god didnt’ corrupt the fucking file. So when it came to the final export, I handed off the file to her and she graciously exported it out of clip studio, and then made some minor edits to the timing of the animation in a video editing program.

This is also why, much to my constant irritation, there are still a few animation errors in this because if I fixed them, I’d have to re-export the entire video. And sure, my current laptop is 10 times better and might not try to invent a new form of agony trying to manage it, but also i’m not waiting like 2 or 3 hours for that to happen. No matter how painful it makes rewatching this video. Cause i don’t actually like rewatching this one usually, I’m very proud of it but as I’ve said in the past I am a vicious perfectionist when it comes to my work, so its hard for me to ignore every issue and oddity in the video.

I was fucking losing it by the end of this, I was pulling late nighters for like a week while trying to work on the last few scenes and fix up whatever I could, which was hard because I lacked a convenient way to just watch the whole video in good quality and speed, since playing it in my art program resulted in constant stuttering and made it impossible to tell if it would really look like that, and again, trying to export it made my laptop hate me. But on August 1st I finished it, I had to stay up till 6 AM to do it but I did in fact, fucking do it. I passed it off to Yves, she exported it after some technical difficulties, and now we’re here.

It was, wild, trying to keep this a secret. And i’m not just talking the 3 months I had to keep it quiet to Val (Though that was difficult but VERY worth it yes), but also keeping it secret up till this point. I don’t even know how many fucking months I’ve had to keep this quiet so none of you would find out about it, I’ve been anxiously waiting to see everyone's reactions to this fucking video, and at the time of writing we’re on like, Day 76. I still have so much more time I need to wait! I’m probably gonna be a nervous wreck the day this actually goes up!

Would I ever do this again? God I fucking hope not! (the answer is yeah someday)

I should actually talk about what’s IN the music video now, shouldn’t I? Will be mildly difficult because that’s probably gonna require a lot of rewatching, and as I already said looking at this music video does make my perfectionist brain scratch bad a bit.

Okay so Monokuma.

So originally the plan for this was for the vid to be a much closer 1-to-1 of the actual opening version of Snow Fairy, and while it did eventually evolve into more of its own thing (both functioning as its own slightly more unique intro for Junkan but also just becoming a more normal music video) the one thing that i always wanted for this was to recreate the first few seconds of the intro but with Monokuma. When this was meant to be significantly less like, animation-y, he was gonna be the only part I went fully into.

It was a real pain in the ass but this guy was basically my crash course on properly animating thanks in part to his simple design. He’s also brought much laughter to my girlfriend! On discord i have this part of the vid saved as a gif, and completely divorced from the context of the music vid it just looks like a silly as gif of Monokuma flying away. Like where the fuck are you going dude??

For the remainder of the first bit I wanted to include Hope’s Peak and Jabberwock island since they’re the most iconic locations in the series, granted, jabberwock feels very irrelevant in a non-despair AU but shhhh. The LOGO! I wish I had the actual thing in my files but I guess I just never thought to save it as it’s own thing. And I’m too scared to open the actual file for the music video to just copy paste it out of there because fun fact, the whole thing is ALL one file. Tip from the Ametuer here, don’t fucking do that.

I’m still really happy that I managed to find the actual font for the Fairy Tail logo to make this with, equally happy that I also managed to sneak in one more reference to Val’s work again! It is once again the tattoo design, because I just can’t help myself y’know?

After that we hit me actually doing this and for a brief moment you get to see it actually be about as slide-showy as I had initially planned on before I decided I was gonna learn how to do a proper run cycle and that took like two fucking days i think. Very proud of it though, Mikan and Mukuro’s little runs were very fun to animate and I like the stupid ass slide I made Mukuro do. I actually wanted to make a stupid animation of her rail grinding using those frames, clearly I didn’t.

Oh also yeah this style was reused for the cover of the Day 60 Comic, partially because I wanted to retroactively sprinkle bits of this animatic into whatever prior posts I can, partially because i really could not think of an actual cover for that comic.

So since I was trying desperately to make this seem like the opening to some kind of Junkan Series (and again that concept for the vid dies out real quick) I decided to just include as many other characters as possible during these running scenes. Not only because it would be very fun to draw some of them in this fucked up chibi style I started doing on the fly, but also because then I could insert like three whole ships that I like. We got the Ruruseiko, the Tokomaru, the Ikuzonobuki because hey someone had too.

Fun fact there was supposed to be a little pop up of Mukuro with heart eyes in the corner when Sayaka and Ibuki showed up, but I either scrapped cause I couldn’t make it look right with the limited frames I had, or I accidentally hid all of its layers and couldn’t find it. I can’t remember, this project turning out as well as it did is quite frankly a miracle.

The train scene I don’t really remember why I did like, full linework and shading for that while the rest of the fuckin vid is just sketches. I guess it was fully still animation so it wasn’t that big of a deal. Drawing the very silly little shots of them going by the train was a lot more fun though, I also used it to reference a few more pieces from the past!

The first shot of them with Angie was a reference to the Day 70 Piece, since I always kinda headcanoned (yeah headcanoning my own art, that makes sense) that it was Angie who made it. Then we got Day 82, which at the time of writing this hasn’t been posted! Flashback to whatever day that Karaoke pic with the Ikuzonobuki trio was on for the shot of Junko watching Mikan sing.

And then after that is the Flatwoods monster part, which is the really fun one because I have no idea if I’ll have drawn anything for that by the time this gets released. I really want to though because I love the Flatwoods Monster and I love Junkan, so why not combine them! Alas, I’m working on the December 24th comic as I write this so I might not have time to make that on time.

Yasuke and Tsumugi! I’ve given my thoughts on them before of course, I think during Day 60? My brain at this point just felt very inclined to include them in this, Yasuke especially. Even if just as a very small cameo I kinda just associate these two with Junkan? Admittedly it’s mostly because of Val’s fic, I won’t act like that isn’t just the blueprint for everything in the junkan portion of my brain.

I also used this opportunity to once more make up for the fact that I had drawn so very little kabedon content in this whole project.

After that this probably becomes the cheesiest thing i’ve ever made. The scene of Mikan looking sad was another scene directly based off of the original opening this all based on. After the spin transition I put a little too much effort into was supposed to be a shot of Junko doing Mikan’s hair while Mukuro and Sayaka try to do the same with Ibuki. If I remember the timeline of events I realized I couldn’t make this scene last until the next scene on the storyboard without dragging it out, so I was gonna try adding other little vignettes of antics. However in a rare act of self care I decided to not make this any harder on myself and just scrapped it, skipped to the next storyboard, and extended it out to fit the time. Do I like this in the longrun?? Ehhhhhh, personally I think I shoulda just sucked it up and just added some smaller shots, but miraculously I have people who care about me and would probably prefer it if I didn’t destroy my body for a music video, so I probably made the right choice.

Those outfits look kinda familiar! Whether because I was struggling to think of a new outfit, or because I had just drawn a kabedon, I decided to reuse the outfits from Day 74! Junko’s was a pain in the ass to animate! Never again! Also I colored the Boba to match my pride headcanons for both of them, Mikan being bi and Junko being pan. One kiss and another god damn spin transition i put too much effort into making look good, and we’re at the last scene.

And there’s a mildly fun story for the art used in the background. Like I already said, they were added last minute because the scene would be dead air without them. However I could have done more little clips and vignettes and not fully drawn art pieces. So why did I do fully drawn art pieces?? I was starving, of course.

You all know my rule that I’m not allowed to draw any Junkan before the current one on the project is finished, correct? Well guess who wasn’t able to draw any normal junkan for like 3 months because I had to focus on making a music video. I can reread a bunch of fics or stare at art forever but the desperate and violent urge to make more and add to the pile so my brain feels nice is insatiable, especially with the rate I was making these previously before the music video began production.

Sooo, making some last minute assets seemed like a pretty good excuse to finally draw something fresh. And it was a fucking blessing on my brain at this point.

I tried to do a runthrough of their relationship up to this point, flashing back all the way until their first encounter. Was this a thinly veiled excuse to realistically include a halloween pic? Yes. But hey, that last shot was always planned so on some level I have to be justified in my actions. Let’s talk about these pieces one at a time.

First up, hey, that kinda looks familiar. That’s right, assuming the stars aligned and allowed me to gain the strength to draw the December 24th Comic all on time (I’m 17 pages in at the moment send past me your strength, time travel is real if I say it is), then you might notice that I just took the outfits for this winter-y art and featured them in the story!

So I did in fact draw the Halloween art first and realized I could probably do something vaguely interesting with a timeline of events, so I realized it would probably be best to put the winter art BEFORE October, because I like to dream of a year where I can celebrate Halloween and not freeze to death. It just also happens that it kinda conveniently fits the current time! Since this is releasing in winter! A miracle.

This ones pretty simple obviously, I unfortunately have nothing impressive or interesting to say on the art itself, more just stuff surrounding it.

Now the Halloween Art. Well i also don’t have a lot to say there either but god dammit i’ll sure as hell try!~

Listen I wasn’t fully confident that I would have the project done in time for Halloween, and as I’ve probably said before (or at least implied), while I could certainly draw more art on my own time after the 100 days were ready, until this was a public thing and the world was made well aware of my obsession, I couldn’t post it. It is extremely good luck (and also burnout) that I was able to get this done in time to actually post during October, so I did get to draw Halloween Stuff! But when I was making this?? I saw an opportunity to say “fuck it” and draw something spooky with these two, my favorite holiday and (probably) my favorite ship?? Yes please!

As for designing their halloween outfits I sure did fucking wing it! Yeah no thought process, just spooky as fuck.

Though something interesting about this art that my girlfriend pointed out is that the way I shaded and colored it matches up a lot with my older art. Since I’m not gonna drag through my old gallery to find good examples the best way I can sum it up is that my coloring style back in the day was a lot more candy colored. If that makes sense? More saturated colors I guess? Whenever I look at pieces like those and this I just think of a bowl of colorful candy.

I miss drawing like that, I don’t know what changed. It’s hard to go back, but maybe i’ll try.

The next shot might seem familiar, but not to any of my other pics, but rather a fic! When writing my Vampire Junkan AU I decided that I wanted to do an Aquarium Date for one of the bigger chapters, because as we all know, Fish and Vampires go together like chocolate and peanut butter. When writing it I was thinking of when I wanted to do the big kiss scene, and this art came to mind! So while it’s not very 1 to 1, I tried my best to recreate it through words.

Why did I draw aquarium art in the first place? I wanted to draw a sunfish . . . I’m a very simpleminded woman in most cases y’know?

The next image was actually even more last minute than the other 3, cause even with those I didn’t have enough to cover the timeframe of the scene. Soooo, Junko giving Mikan a flower.

Maybe this was her confessing? Asking her out? I haven’t thought about it enough.

And after so long we’re finally back to me just ripping straight from the original opening this is based off of, and in the original its a very sentimental memory for one of the main characters. So pretty early on alongside the Monokuma bit I knew I should have that specific last flashback be their first meeting. I think this is like, my 4th or 5th time depicting a first meeting between these two? It’s always fun to do, and the one in this music vid I think you can tell was decently inspired by Kayleen’s “Smile” Fic, albeit not a direct adaptation and with like, 2% more whimsy.

And a proposal!! We all crack eventually and there was only so god damn long I could stop myself from depicting one, and what better place than an ill advised music video? Also the gleam of the ring just made for a really good transition out of this and I’m still shocked by how well I was able to make it look.

And that’s it! I feel like I didn’t talk about this one as much as I thought I would?? Granted I think this is still one of the longer rambles I’ve gone on, but given the jump in scale I thought this’d be a bit more, excessive??

I already said earlier but for as, fucking agonizing as this was, I will probably, someday, try to do another animation like this. Hell I’m collaborating with my Girlfriend on a VS Project right now and I’m hoping to at least do small bits of actual animating on it. Which I think I can do??

As for music videos, welllll I do have two in mind, one is Vampire Junkan (though not in the way you think), and the other doesn’t specifically focus on Junkan but it sure will have a Billy Joel song.

So what’s up next??

Well I’m just gonna say this now, Day 100 does not go higher in scale than this, I won’t say what it is but its like, normal. Day 99 should be fun though! As for 91 through 98? Well! We’ve got 8 days of Fanfics! I didn’t write anything don’t worry. I made 8 pictures based off of 8 fanfics, with only one repeat author! There’s reason for that though you’ll see. There’s some direct adaptations of scenes, covers for the story, and like, something more based off the vibe, it’s hard to describe. You’ll see.

Gonna try my best to sing the praises of the fics themselves though I worry that I won’t be able to adequately sing the praises of these stories to the same degree that I did on Day 60, so hopefully I can at least convince ya’ll to give them a read yourself!~

Here’s hopin ya’ll enjoy the results!

As always, Reblogs, Comments, and Little Notes in the Tags are appreciated!~ They always make my day!~

88 notes · View notes

whenmemorydies · 7 months ago

Text

The legerdemain of racism: demands for season 4 of The Bear

Alright folks, this one has been sitting on my chest like a fucking elephant for the last week. It's a long one (when are they not, I'm sorry lol), so if you'd give me the grace of your time and eyeballs, lets have a cup of tea and do this.

Legerdemain: the magic trick

In 3x07 Legacy, we're introduced to the concept of legerdemain (French for 'sleight of hand') in the form of notes and drawings, etched into one of Carmy's notebooks:

Other possible definitions of legerdemain include:

'the skilful hiding of the truth in order to trick people';

'skilful tricks done as part of a performance'; and

'cunning, deception or trickery.'

There have been important discussions on this app about the concept of legerdemain in The Bear, and how Storer, Calo and co. appear to have peppered season 3 of the show with references to their own use of the concept in breaking the fourth wall, to comment on filmmaking, on cooking, magic, and perhaps, using the legerdemain of season 3 as a distraction while they take a dish their industry further in season 4.

Have a look at the below metas for some helpful background to what I'm talking about here.

Fourth Wall/Magic Trick Metas for The Bear:

@brokenwinebox's Fourth Wall (being broken)

@brokenwinebox's The New Paradigm

@thoughtfulchaos773's meta on the fourth wall

@currymanganese's Richie's journey is not over (on Richie being the author avatar for creator Chris Storer

@currymanganese's masterful consolidation of fourth wall analysis and their speculative analysis on the role of the Faks

@ago0112's analysis of the blurring of fact and fiction during the Ever funeral service

My post Richie and the viewer.

See also this beautiful reblog thread discussing how the creative decisions involved in season 3 have elicited sympathetic responses in the audience that mimic the emotions of the characters on The Bear, possibly contributing to a division in how this season has been received generally. Shout out to @moodyeucalyptus, @vacationship and @greekyogurttragedy for this generous and thoughtful discussion. And this insightful breakdown on the treatment of characters of colour this season between @hwere and @mxmajor + this discussion on the sidelining of Black grief this season with @melfinawins , @suellenalmeida and @moodyeucalyptus.

An ache: POC on The Bear

After I finished my first watch of season 3 (which was an ill-advised binge while recovering from the flu), I felt like I had sat through a year's worth of television. This was purely for the fact that I was emotionally SPENT by the end of it (still didn't stop me from wanting to rewatch the entire thing immediately - I didn't, thank god. Shout out to my nervous system for threatening a revolt and stopping me). Anyway this is to say, I had to really stretch my memory to recall a lot of the content in this season's early episodes. One that stood out though was the beginning of 3x02 Next.

3x02 begins (hilariously) with Syd and Papa Adamu fighting for bathroom time and then Syd leaving the apartment for work. As Syd makes her way to work, we hear Eddie Vedder's cover of "Save It For Later" playing, which @brokenwinebox has referred to in the context of the fourth wall.

We then leave Syd but get a tour of early morning Chicago with documentary-style footage of an array of workers beginning their daily grinds, preparing the city for its day. These workers are diverse in lots of ways including cultural background and employment, running the gamut from food service, hospitality, newspapers (shout out to the Chicago Tribune which will give The Bear its first review in 3x10 Forever), sports, etc.

What is striking about this beautiful opening to 3x02 are the lyrics of "Save It For Later" that are playing as we see all these hardworking people pass by on our screens:

We hear Eddie Vedder sing, "run away, run away and let me down" over and over while diverse, working class folks wave at us, the viewers. And if I'm being honest, in relation to people of colour and Black folks being represented on this show, this is a good chunk of what season 3 ended up feeling like for me (and undoubtedly, for a lot of other BIPOC viewers too): racialised people waving, hailing the creators behind this show, and screaming DON'T LET US DOWN, DON'T RUN AWAY FROM US. WHY THE FUCK SHOULD WE SUFFER LIKE THIS?

And then we get the remainder of 3x02, which myself and others have described as having two too many Faks and one too many unnecessary conversations about Claire in lieu of the attention that should have been paid to Marcus and the loss of his mother. Where the fuck was Chester, who looked after Mrs Brooks when Marcus was in Copenhagen? I needed to see their sweet friendship in that episode and was actually blown away when we got none of it.

And things got progressively worse from there.

In this pre-season 3 meta on The Bear, I spoke about how part of the tragedy of Carmy's fridge spiral was the (white) saviourism of his speech to Tina ("I failed you guys") which rubbed me all sorts of wrong ways given that the largely POC crew rallied and turned Friends and Family into a success while our man was stuck in the fridge. White saviourism can also be described as the trope of the 'white man's burden' (itself named after the Rudyard Kipling poem written as a justification for European imperial conquest of the Global South).

I'm not saying that the white saviourism here is intentional or that Carmy would even identify his behaviour in this way (unconscious biases are just that - unconscious - after all). But Carm is the product of the fine dining industry which is predominantly white. His access to those fancy kitchens was predicated on the fact that his family owned their own restaurant to begin with. That access would have been dictated by privilege and power which are inextricably tied to things like race, class, gender, ability etc. Marcus got his start in the culinary world via McDonalds while his single mum busted her ass looking after him. As far as we know, Syd had no connections in the culinary world before she embarked on her career and she's got the imposter syndrome to show for it (this is part of why I will fight to the death anyone who slags her off, she's too precious to me). 3x06 Napkins gave us huge insight into Tina's journey to fine dining which was also not easy. Likewise in 3x07 Legacy when Ted Fak (?!) gives Sweeps the latter's "I know who you are" moment. I'm still waiting on the origin stories of Ebra, Manny and Angel.

These differences between Carmy's journey and those of the characters of colour on this show matter and it was heartening to me to know that the writers of The Bear thought they mattered enough that they made them canon. These stories make it clear that of all of the people at The Beef and then The Bear, Carmy is likely the person with the most race and class privilege. And sometimes, the man acted like it! (e.g. Carmy disregarding all the work put in by the largely POC crew after he got locked in the walk in, dismissing their victorious service led by Sydney and Richie in 2x10 when he talked to Tina. He'd do this again when he spoke to Sydney in 3x01 and she has to remind him that everyone helped get the restaurant through Friends and Family).

Let me be clear: I wasn't and am still not mad that Carmy becomes an entitled, privileged little shit when the shit hits the fan. This is all in character for him (he's been this way since season 1 folks - recall 1x07 The Review).

I even expected the white saviourism to shoot itself into the stratosphere in season 3 while Carmy entered Michelin Mode. Because that is how this white man has been trained (in a largely white industry) to operate in a high pressure culinary setting that prioritises the reputation (and the glory) of the EC at the cost of everyone under them. Add to that Carmy's clear trauma, his learned behaviours from dealing with an abusive mother and absent father, his discordant relationships with his parentified siblings, his psychotic ex-boss, his grief...I was certain the man was going to be a hot, dysregulated mess for at least part of this season. And he was.

BUT...

What I wasn't counting on was the overabundance of the Faks (I am still not over John fucking Cena taking up screen time on this show OR that it was Neil and Ted at the end of 3x08 Ice Chips, visiting Nat and Donna after Nat's delivery), and the overabundance of Claire content, while we had the season running away from our characters of colour.

Sydney spent most of season 3 mediating between two dysregulated white guys (Richie and Carmy - though her character didn't do this without a fight, a la "I'm not your fucking babysitter" in 3x03 Doors) and being subjected to Carmy's tirades all through service and prep, without much exposition at all about her and her motivations for staying at The Bear (we get a glimpse - a beautiful one that absolutely devastated me - just before her panic attack in the season's last episode 3x10). We even had Marcus in 3x03 Doors (this particular choice PISSED me all the way off given the absolute lack of care given to this character and the passing of his mother in the same episode) pushing both the Magical Negro trope and the white man's burden trope as he tells Carmy to "take us there Bear": a plea to Carm to make the restaurant work for the crew's sake. In 3x05 Children, we get Carmy treating Ebra like an actual Magical Negro in one of the few exchanges between the two of them this season, when Carm asks Ebra, "Am I fucking this up?" about, well - in a moment I'd like to think was fourth wall knocking - this entire season/the operation of the restaurant.

@kensatou in this brilliant gifset (of one of the funniest bits this season) also points out how the restaurant is contributing to the gentrification of its neighbourhood, further driving the restaurant and us viewers towards an increasing whitening of the world of The Bear.

Then we've got one of the most frustrating aspects of racism and misogynoir associated with this show and a seemingly bewildering response from the cast and crew in tackling it: the INSISTENCE at different points in time by some fans of the show, the cast and the crew that Sydney and Carmy are platonic and nothing more. All the cues and subtext in the show itself, be damned. I won't go through all the arguments as to why this is bullshit but will say, many folks have talked about how many m/f platonic relationships there are on this show (Richie/Tina, Richie/Sydney, Marcus/Sydney, Marcus/Tina, Richie/Nat, Michael/Tina, Carmy/every other woman apart from Sydney etc). There’s no shortage so why are folks so pressed with Sydcarmy? *cough* anti-black racism and misogynoir is why *cough*. Anyway...there's been LOTS of exposition about this on Tumblr by folks much more well-versed in this discourse than me. Just search the #sydcarmy hashtag for that brilliance.

Some (including me) have wondered why the cast and creators don’t directly address the obvious racism behind calls for Sydcarmy to only be platonic, or at the very least, just tell people calling for this to watch the damn show and see. Instead Sydcarmies were met with official denials of any kind of romantic relationship between Syd and Carmy right up until premiere of season 3. I know I personally felt that the insistence by the cast and crew to actively deny any romantic relationship between a Black woman and white man on this show was frustrating to the n'th degree. But then I jumped on Tumblr, as we do, and fell into the fourth wall, magic trick and legerdemain discussions and I got thoughts...if you're still here, I promise I'm almost at my point lol, stick with me.

Racism as the sleight of hand, white supremacy as the deception

The singular Toni Morrison famously described racism as a distraction (tres legerdemain-ish, n'est-ce pas?):

"The function, the very serious function of racism is distraction. It keeps you from doing your work. It keeps you explaining, over and over again, your reason for being. Somebody says you have no language and you spend twenty years proving that you do. Somebody says your head isn’t shaped properly so you have scientists working on the fact that it is. Somebody says you have no art, so you dredge that up. Somebody says you have no kingdoms, so you dredge that up. None of that is necessary. There will always be one more thing."

The above quote is from a talk that Ms Morrison gave at Portland State University in 1975 entitled "Black Studies Center Public Dialogue, Part 2". You can listen to the talk in full here. A transcript of the talk can also be found here.

What if, the racism driving the anti-Sydcarmy antagonism and the cast and crew not addressing it or letting it fester is the point. Racism doing what racism does: distracting and deceiving. What if the pay off from this sleight of hand is that in season 4 we get what we know is destined to happen? An outcome based on the cues and clues that are littered throughout this show for anyone with a modicum of media literacy and without the blinders that a racist worldview grants: Sydcarmy.

And what about what Morrison said next in her talk,

"The distraction is no different than bombing Cambodia to keep the Northern Vietnamese from making their great push. And since not history, not anthropology, not social sciences seem capable in a strong and consistent way to grapple with that problem, it may very well be left to the artists to do it.

For art focuses on the single grain of rice, the tree-shaped scar, and the names of people, not only the number that arrived. And to the artist one can only say, not to be confused, [sigh] not to be confused.

You don’t waste your energy fighting the fever; you must only fight the disease. And the disease is not racism. It is greed and the struggle for power.

And I urge you to be careful. For there is a deadly prison: the prison that is erected when one spends one’s life fighting phantoms, concentrating on myths, and explaining over and over to the conqueror your language, your lifestyle, your history, your habits.

And you don’t have to do it anymore. You can go ahead and talk straight to me."

Now Morrison was speaking directly to Black artists, creators and thinkers when she gave the above talk but I would argue that all creators who are telling stories that feature people of colour, or people from communities that have been systemically discriminated against for whatever reason, have a responsibility to heed her call. Speak DIRECTLY to the communities you are representing in your work. And if you are doing your damn job properly in 2024, that is ALL OF US, in some shape or form. What Morrison is asking folks to do, is de-center the white gaze.

Ok so bearing in mind the above, back to the fourth wall, the magic trick and an invitation to believe. Recall this screenshot from 3x09 Apologies:

@currymanganese has theorised that Richie is the author-avatar for The Bear creator Chris Storer. Storer is partners with Gillian Jacobs (the actress who plays Tiff, also pictured here) in real life. In essence, we are looking at some version of "mom and dad" of this show (ideally, we'd have an avatar for showrunner Joanna Calo in here instead, but I'm working with what I got). After Tiff says "Well, I know my demographic" in the above scene, Richie/Storer stays looking at the camera long after Tiff turns away from it.

Let’s be real, in any other circumstance, if two white people were looking me dead in the eye and saying they knew who their demographic was, I’d be worried lmao. I'm still worried because for a white showrunner like Storer to even begin to understand just HOW paradigm shifting what I'm going to suggest below is, would be huge.

But...what if the demographic is us? The viewership that was drawn into this show by the unapologetic and unambiguous representation of Black characters and characters of colour in season 1 of The Bear? A show that had Sydney making stew and plantains for the family meal from the jump in 1x01 System, that had Tina calling Carmy a puta while next second claiming no Inglés, that had Marcus, Sydney and Sweeps code switching to AAVE with no explanation to anyone; that had Marcus lovingly applying Palmer's Cocoa Butter (iykyk) to his bedridden mother's hands? A viewership that includes many people of colour who have been so frustrated by the sidelining of the characters of colour this season because of the show's focus on Carmy, the fucking Faks and Claire?

Now there has been some analysis on the purpose of the Faks and Claire which has lightened my heart somewhat. But the treatment of racialised characters this season still doesn't sit completely square with me.

Do Storer and Calo have what it takes to do what Toni Morrison commanded and not be confused? To go ahead and talk straight to us in season 4?

Will they make things square like Carmy alluded to in his description of what he wants his legacy to be, in 3x07?

As much as I went into my issues with this season here in this post, I am hopeful. I love this show. I love how it deals with grief. I love the symbolism and the quality of the writing, I love the acting, I love the cinematography. I love the music. This thing is a veritable feast. And I know it can be yet greater, if it heeds Ms Morrison's demand.

There's glimpses that its doing this and hopefully, will take the thread and run with it head-first into season 4: at the end of 3x10 Forever who is it that brings all of us viewers back to the idea of chosen family (what the showrunners have said the show is actually about)? Which character is seen remembering the original crew of the Beef and their trajectory to the end of season 3? Who has refused to run away from them all throughout the show (and when she did, she came back)? Whose arrival at The Beef kickstarts this whole ride in the first place? Its the CDC of The Bear: Sydney Adamu.

If Storer and Calo want to take this legerdemain shit seriously, then season 4 needs to centre Sydney as the main protagonist. It needs to return to its characters of colour. It needs to paradigm shift the fuck out of this show.

We already got Ayo directing the season premiere for season 4. I am cautiously holding out hope for more of the same next season. Listen, I know I am asking for folks to suspend maybe everything we know about systemic racism in the entertainment industry here lol. But if this season has been about the suspension of belief and distraction, maybe Ms Morrison’s words are more prescient than ever. And if these showrunners are committing to the bit as hard as I think they are, maybe the final season of The Bear is going to be its best yet.

150 notes · View notes

creedslove · 1 year ago

Note

Can you imagine seeing Joel being absolute psycho killing machine, because someone captured you and he is like WHERE IS SHE?!

Just to see him immediately soften, when he notices you tied up and hurt and he is just so sweet and caring towards you saying "it's ok baby. I'm here I'm here. I'm gonna fucking kill them all." and gently kissing your forehead, before cutting ripe from your hands and legs. ♥️

Post outbreak!Joel Miller x f!reader

A/N: bestie, you had no right to mess up with my hormones like that, now you got me whimpering and crying in need and horny for Joel 😭

• you'd become Joel's girl while you joined him into his journey; he didn't want to let you come along at first, but he had to let you in eventually as you insisted so much

• on one hand, you were just another mouth to feed and another source of worry for him, on the other hand, you were fast and you were able to take down clickers and humans without whining, which was really valuable to him

• and slowly he began warming up to you and you got closer and closer, to that, getting physical was a quick step and the rest was history

• you were his and he was yours; the love and the hunger you felt for each other was huge and intense, and you didn't even know if it was healthy, but you didn't care, there wasn't such a thing as healthy in the world the two of you lived in, but you two were there for each other

• which meant you would kill and destroy anything and anyone in order to keep each other safe

• so when the two of you fell into that ambush, Joel couldn't believe he'd been so naive and stupid, he had done that trick so many times in order to looter but unfortunately it had been a larger group and they ended up knocking him out and taking you

• when he woke up, you were gone and Joel panicked, he knew damn well what a bunch of those animals would want to do with a beautiful girl like you

• so he immediately followed your tracks in order to find you, racing against the clock in order to save you

• and by following your tracks, Joel meant killing anyone he'd seen in sight, anyone he could get information from

• you were tied up, your head was killing you and you could feel your own blood dripping down your forehead, but at least they hadn't done anything worse to you... Yet

• you looked around, so anxious and nervous, your heart filled with fear of not seeing Joel anymore at the same time you were also filled with hope he would show up and rescue you, because he always did

• so the moment you began hearing screaming and gunfire, you felt your Joel was coming to the rescue

• he might not be a prince charming, but he was way better than that, he was your man, and you were his girl and no one could ever get between the two of you

• so it didn't take long for him to barge in, splattered in blood, gun in hands and killing anyone in sight

• he was furious, he was merciless but the moment he spotted you, he went soft

• you looked reasonably alright but he went so soft for you, god it was even dangerous how much he loved it, it drove him mad, he didn't even know he could love someone like he loved you

• when he saw the room was empty, with the exception of the two of you, he took off his jacket, wrapping around your body

"it's okay baby, I'm here. I'm here. I'm gonna kill them all"

• he whispered into your ear, pecking your forehead and cutting the ropes that kept you trapped

• he lifted you up easily and walked out of that place, making sure you were safe and warm into his arms

• he loved you and he would always make sure you were safe because you were his and no one would ever change that

____

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal x you #pedro pascal x y/n #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal fanfic #pedro pascal headcanon #pedro pascal headcanons #joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x y/n #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fanfic #joel miller headcanon #joel miller headcanons

617 notes · View notes

elbdot · 3 months ago

Note

Besides Latias being your favorite legendary Pokémon, what would be your SECOND favorite legendary?

Heck, what's your top FIVE favorite legendary Pokémon?

Aww man. There's WAY too many at this point, even top five is hard to pick. ALRIGHT I'll try...

Latias

Ultra Necrozma

Tapu Koko

Yveltal

Koraidon

...that's a lot of red Legendaries.

Latias I don't need to further explain, but probably Ultra Necrozma. The reason why he's THAT high up my list is because Ultra Necrozma IS A G O D. Like LEGIT, this dragon made out of PURE LIGHT is the absolute PINACLE of a Legendary to me. My other picks may be more personal than him, but in terms of what makes a Legendary a LEGENDARY Pokemon to me, THIS would be it. Heck, I'd put him above ARCEUS, make those two FIGHT FOR THE TITLE OF ULTIMATE POKE-GOD oh wait they already did

Otherwise Tapu Koko would've easily made it on second place. He's my next pick for a multitude of reasons. I think Tapu Koko absolutely BEAMS with personality. I love the Tapus all very much, but Koko is definitely my favorite. And I appreciate these Legendaries in particular because of their cultural significance for Alola. I think Alola may be the only region where Legendary deitys are not only KNOWN to exist, but play an ACTIVE role in their lives, interacting with the locals, protecting the islands, choosing ambassadors in form of the Kahunas and getting honored by the people of Alola. They're just. INCREDIBLY COMPLEX AND FLESHED OUT AND I LOVE THEM

Yveltal is my only pure nostalgia-pick I have to admit. Aside from me LOVING BIRDS and Yveltal being a KILLER BACON BIRD he was also the very first Legendary I ever caught by playing Pokemon Y. I may not hold much nostalgia for that game otherwise, but Yveltal definitely holds a special place in my heart.

Koraidon I just think is funny as heck. He looks SO STUPID when he's running. He's a cute goofy lizard throughout the game until he reaches his full energized form in the end and when he takes that stand he's just an ABSOLUTE badass and I LOVE that. While there's many other legendaries I could give the fifth place to, I wanted to give my appreciation for modern legendaries, because I do like the trend of some of them being included more in a personal quest. Getting to bond with them throughout your journey makes them feel much more special than others.

goofy ass lizard

HONORABLE MENTIONS: I have to give a shout-out to Rayquaaza, Kyogre, Dialga and death-noodle Giratina for being my old favorites. Xerneas is also pretty cool, I do appreciate magic fairy deer. I still think Mega Rayquaaza is THE ultimate dragon because I'm basic like that. I see badass Lung-like dragon I go WAOWEEEEE

Lugia used to be my absolute favorite as a kid but I HATE the way they've been anmating him as a 3D Model, he looks as goofy and unmajestic as one can get, what have they DONE to my boy... Meanwhile Ho-oh is doing SPLENDID in 3D, it's not fair 😞 Also shout-out to Ho-oh for having the prettiest shiny of all the Legendaries. And Galarian Zapdos is a huge improvement from the original one, that one also goes into honorable mentions.

Thank you for coming to my TED-Talk.

#pokemon #Koraidon #necrozma #tapu koko #alola #pokemon sm #pokemon scarvi #mod #reply

114 notes · View notes

fanfreakinfiction · 1 year ago

Text

My Gods Are Not Kind to Lonely Mothers

Chapter 2: Trying to Understand

Ch. 1 | Masterlist 🖤

4.3K words // Din Djarin x pregnantf!reader

Pairing: Din Djarin x pregnantf!reader (Reader is younger but not weirdly young) Reader was a sex worker. Reader’s first language is one I made up she speaks pretty good basic but struggles finding certain words. Reader is pregnant!

Summary: How can Din understand and respect your plans without being apart of them? He tries to help, but your stubbornness rivals that of a Mandalorian.

Tags: SLOW BURN, Some fluff, made up Star Wars culture & religion, split POV, slight language barrier, mention of death, mention of child death, dark!, lots of relationship building in this.

Warnings: mention of child loss and grief.

A/n: Alright so let me explain Illa-ishi real quick because I never want to get the wrong idea across. Illa-ishi are mainly single mothers who birth at the lower pool of the Mountain of Mothers. The reason why Illa-ishi give birth at the lower pool and pass away, isn’t the gods punishing them for being single mothers. The journey up to the lower pool when a mother is in the throws of birth is so rigorous and difficult without the help of their partner that many perish from exhaustion. By the time they make it up the cliff to the lower pool some do not even have energy to give birth which is why there are skeletons in the bed rolls. Please comment or ask me questions if anything is ever unclear! Also I know this is a shorter chapter than Ch. 1, I initially wanted this to be a two part series but I found I have more to write than I thought. Anyways, enjoy this soft chapter! I will update this series every Friday.

Standing in the pool, you felt his hand on the right side of your waist. He'd carried you from the spot near the cliff into the shallow end of the hot spring and set you down into the water as if you were sacred. Paralyzed by the sudden display of kindness after the last months spent alone, you felt the cold metal of his helmet lean heavily on the back of your head.

A slow fear crept up from somewhere deep inside the traumatized confines of your heart, the fear immobilizing you to his actions just as they'd done the night he paid for your company. Frozen in place, thoughts of him pushing you into the spring and drowning you flooded your mind. Then you felt his left hand rest on the small of your back, leading you to think he'd take you again as he'd done in the expensive room back on Tatooine. You'd worked in that brothel for years and saw the desperation of men in need, the aftermath of what they'd done to women they had no emotional attachment for.

Just as you started to form a plan of action against him, you heard the softest noise from behind. It took maybe thirty seconds for the sound to register within your mind – he was crying. The strangled sound of a sob left the static of the modulator on his helmet, which was then followed by the most sincere "I'm sorry" you'd heard since the day your father had sold you.

For a moment, you just looked ahead at the milky waters of the spring and the steam swirling around you. The small green baby that the Mandalorian had brought with him sat nearby the shallow end of the pool, gazing into the water below, his small hand chasing the steaming swirls that rose into the air. You felt the life within you stir, your contractions coming inconsistently now, almost as if your body was confused. The warmth of the leather-clad hand on your right side tightened slightly as you heard one more sob break over the roar of the waterfall.

In a show of cosmic irony, you couldn’t help the small but sad smile that graced your lips as you trailed your bandaged right hand up to lace your fingers over the back of his hand, and you spoke, “Don’t cry.”

His sobs seemed to quiet, as if he hadn't expected your touch, your reassurance. The tension in his grip lessened. After a moment of his head resting on the back of yours, you assumed he regained his composure as he slowly pulled away. Shyly, you looked over your shoulder and offered a small tearful smile to his visor before turning your attention back to the spring. Taking careful steps forward, you found a place to lower yourself back once more into the murky depths. You moved to sit where your back was resting on the jagged rock wall.

Out of your peripheral vision, you saw him standing in the same spot. His hands were frozen in the air where they’d rested on your body, until he slowly clenched his fists and lowered them back to his sides.

He stood like a statue just looking at you, his weight shifted to his left, the grey of the flightsuit around his knees now a dark grey from the spring's water. The edge of his grey cape touched the surface of the spring, wetting the frayed and somewhat burned seams.

You felt an awkward discomfort as his helmet seemed locked in your direction. It really made you uneasy that you couldn’t tell where his gaze was or what emotion was on his face. Was he happy? He had cried… you had done the same when you found out.

“You-”

“What’s-”

You both spoke over one another in unison, causing a blush to creep up your neck as you looked away. As if some unseen force felt the tension in the air, the small green child, enamored with the steam of the spring, fell face first into the warm water.

“Grogu!” The Mandalorian’s voice bordered on panicked as he moved from his stiff position to where the child had fallen in. In a swift movement, the Mandalorian had grabbed the child by the tan robe he wore, pulling it to the surface within seconds of the splash. The child blinked his large eyes frantically as he let out some displeased grunts. Holding the child above the water now, the Mandalorian looked the child over and then moved to hold him in his arms. “We’ve talked about this…” The Mandalorian sighed as he looked at the child. You couldn't help the smile that graced your face.

"Does it get into problems?" You spoke carefully as you tried to remember the words in basic.

Being on your homeworld was the happiest you’d felt in years, and slipping back into Kith, your native language, was like putting on your favorite dress. But coming out of Kith back into basic was proving challenging; maybe the Mandalorian spoke Huttese, which you knew almost as well as basic.

“Yeah…he does,” the words fell in a resigned huff from the man clad in silver as he held the now dripping child.

“Oh…Is he…your child?” You asked slowly as you gauged the man’s reaction. Your eyes flicked from his helmet to the water covering your belly where your hands fidgeted under the water. Anxiety filled your thoughts as you waited for his response.

After a painfully long silence, the Mandalorian sighed and shifted to set the green child on the ledge of the spring nearby and sat next to the child, leaving his covered feet in the spring. Adjusting his cape as he sat, he turned to run a gloved hand over the child’s tan robe before speaking in your direction.

“It won’t look like him…if that’s what you’re asking,” he said dryly, and your head snapped in his direction, studying him for a moment before you thought he might be trying to joke. A smile graced your lips as you moved in the water to slowly approach him. Your right hand held onto the spring’s rocky wall as you moved towards him and the child who fidgeted with a metal object around his neck. Within a foot of the child, you looked the soaking baby over with a cocked eyebrow and critical eye before turning to face the Mandalorian.

“He is…” you paused, trying to find the word in basic as you felt a rush to do so, “…c-ute,” you sounded out the word slowly and looked up at the man sheepishly as the child made a surprised “eh!” sound and smiled toothily at you.

“Basic isn’t your first language?” It was almost not a question from the Mandalorian, and you couldn’t help but feel a hot embarrassment from his tone.

“No,” you said as you turned away again, caressing your belly under the water, “I am Kith.”

“I am Mandalorian,” he said, and you thought he might be patronizing you.

“I see and know,” you retorted back as you shot a soft glare his way.

A sound emanated from his helmet, and you thought it might be a sigh. “I didn’t mean it like that,” he started to say as he reached into his bandolier for something. “I am Mandalorian, but I am different from other Mandalorians. I am bound by a creed.” He pulled out a piece of paper as he spoke, and you recognized the paper immediately. “The Mountain of Mothers…” he spoke again as he unfolded the pamphlet. “You’re here because you believe in this?” He asked as he looked over the paper.

You eyed the pamphlet that Don Mai must have so generously forced into the bounty hunter’s hand. Your eyes trailed from the pamphlet back to his helmet, and you nodded your head yes.

“I understand,” he says as he looks over the pamphlet, the child next to him suddenly taking interest as well. “The creed I believe in… it is my responsibility to take care of foundlings.” His helmeted gaze shifts slightly from the pamphlet to the child next to him.

“Found-i-ling?” you repeat the word back to him slowly in confusion.

His head turns to look at you, and he hands the pamphlet to the child who plays with the paper.

“Foundling,” he confirms with a small nod. “Children who are adopted by my people, warriors of Mandalore… This is the Way.”

Your gaze moves from his to the child next to him, and you nod.

“He is found-i-ling,” you say in confirmation as you nod your head toward the green child.

The Mandalorian nods in confirmation, and you see his hands clench the edge of the rock.

“And you…” he starts, “you are also my responsibility...”

You hated that word. Responsibility. Such a long word that was so often thrown in your face as a guilt tactic. The foreman who your father had sold you to made sure you always had responsibilities.

You were no more than eight when your father had sold you to the greasy man on Tatooine, and your life had been work ever since. The foreman wasn’t completely cruel; there were masters on Tatooine that were far worse. You had a bed, food, and even a bath. The foreman protected you from disgusting prying eyes of patrons who thought you were merchandise and not just a helping hand. But he also worked you to the bone, washing pillows, washing gowns, sewing gowns, steaming tapestry, cleaning the rooms, making meals, fixing the building, making errand runs – your responsibilities.

“No,” the word fell from your lips as if it were law. The Mandalorian’s head tilted towards you as if he didn’t hear you.

“Yes. You are my responsibility,” he repeats. “This is the Way.”

“No.” The word was slightly more harsh coming out as you turned to face him now. The sun had finally fallen behind the sky, and you were almost surrounded in darkness as you stared him down.

You could sense his hesitation, the momentary lapse in response, but the Mandalorian was resolute. “It is the Way. We take care of our own. The Creed guides me, and I cannot abandon my responsibilities.”

The weight of those words hung in the air, the silence stretching between you. The cold grip of your past life clawed at your heart, and you couldn't bear the thought of being bound by another's expectations. You had yearned for freedom, for a chance to shape your own destiny, and here, in the darkening solitude of the hot spring, those dreams seemed to be slipping away.

—

Your face was starting to turn pink from the heat of the spring as the word left your mouth. Din sat there staring, or truthfully, he was glaring at you from under his helmet. If he didn’t know any better, he’d say your stubbornness made you more a Mandalorian than it did a Kith. He battled with himself; this was not a place he wanted to be.

Din had always been careful when it came to his intimate business. When he and Xi’an would mess around, he would always pull out even though he knew she had an implant. He’d never actually finished inside anyone before, not until he’d taken you. To ease his guilt, he had told himself it was because of his inebriated state, but he knew by the time he’d slowly stripped you in that warmly lit room, the Corellian Whiskey had worn off. Maybe it had been because you were the first virgin he’d ever taken, the tightness of your heat on his fingers like a Dathomirian witch's call. Maybe you were a witch, which is what he was trying to understand, trying to learn more about you.

His eyes had scanned the pamphlet now being crumpled by Grogu’s hands. He realized the Mountain of Mothers was a sacred place, much like the living waters on Mandalore. The stubborn part of him wanted to scoop you from the spring and carry you back to his ship to take you to Mandalore, but he couldn’t do that. You were too close to birth and he really had no place to interrupt your plans… plans he hadn’t been a part of. The dark parts of his mind reminded him.

"What is your plan?" He found himself asking you. He watched as you looked up at him from your spot beneath the comforting spring waters, your brow furrowing. You had placed your right arm on the surface ridge of the pool and had laid your head down to watch Grogu.

"I will rest here," your voice sounding tired, your hair damp from the steam as you offered a sad smile.

"For how long?" He asked next, watching your face carefully to gauge your emotions.

You shrugged and looked down at your belly. "Until Noona arrives.”

Please. Kriff. Please don’t let Noona be the name for this child, his child. He cringed internally.

"Noo-na?" He repeated back, trying to hold down the unhappy tone of his voice. You nodded your head as if he was an idiot.

"Noona," you said with a nod. "Or… Baby."

He breathed a sigh of relief, just Kith for baby.

"Then what?" He asked as Grogu stirred next to him, clambering up into the Mandalorian's lap, leaving a trail of water and the now soggy pamphlet behind as he climbed.

"We rest," you said sadly.

He didn’t want to admit it, but he was getting frustrated with this beat around the bantha approach.

"After you rest?" His voice sounded a bit more terse than he intended. He watched as your head snapped up at him in annoyance, feeling confusion at your sharp reaction.

"We rest," you replied back, matching his terseness.

"For how long?" He gritted his teeth.

You splashed the water as you threw your hands up slightly and glared at him. "Forever!" You shouted back at him, and confusion laced his face.

"I don’t understand," he replied, as Grogu pulled at his bandolier from his lap, a sign he was getting hungry.

A moment of silence lapsed as your gaze slowly traveled to the skeletons surrounding the pool, now shrouded in darkness. You sighed as you looked at the remains mournfully and then slowly back to your belly.

"Illa-ishi come here to rest, forever," you said.

The skeletons and bone fragments all made sense in his mind now, and it made him sick.

"What?" His voice was laced with confusion and a hint of anger.

Before he could register the emotions swirling in his chest, he was already standing up in the water. Grogu, sensing the shift, looked up warily at his father. The Mandalorian glanced over at the pack leaning against the black jagged rock next to your bedroll, and he moved towards it out of the water.

—

Your heart raced as you watched the Mandalorian abruptly leave the spring and walk towards your pack and bedroll. You watched with bated breath as he set down the green child next to your pack on the ground and knelt down to your bedroll.

"NO!" You shouted as you watched him start to roll the bedroll back up. You quickly moved from your position in the water, walking carefully towards the edge. In an instant, he was moving in front of you, leaving the small child behind. It frightened you to see the speed at which he moved, the menacing aura he gave off as he moved to bend down, eye level with you.

He rested one hand on his right knee and the other hand on the ground next to him as he spoke.

"I am trying to understand your culture, but I will not allow you both to die here," his voice was menacing and sharp, bringing tears to your eyes.

"We are meant to die here," your words came out laced in pain and fear as you tried to stare him down. His hands balled into fists as he stared back at you.

"Why," he asked, and you could tell he was angry, and it wasn't fair.

Why was he angry when he had played no part in the last months?

You instantly felt remorse at that thought.

Throughout your whole pregnancy, you wouldn't allow yourself to think ill thoughts of him, afraid they might pass into Noona. Really, it wasn't his fault. You had no way of contacting him.

After your night with him, you'd taken your cut from the foreman and bought transport off of Tatooine. You spent weeks hopping planets and seeing different worlds, grateful for the credits you'd saved over the years, but even more so thankful for the six thousand credits that bought your freedom.

When you found out you were pregnant, you'd been staying on the mining world of Gorse, visiting the moon Cynda known for its illustrious thorillide crystal mines. You felt as if your freedom was snatched from you once again.

You knew this meant you were destined to be Illa-ishi and knew you'd be birthing a dead baby at the lower pool. It hurt, and you felt it wasn't fair, to you or the life inside you. A life that wouldn't exist outside of your own body, which is why you hadn't even bothered seeking out the Mandalorian.

Besides, all you had to go off of was the sigil on his pauldron, and since the Empire decimated Mandalore, it was impossible that you could find him again. Most Mandalorians had gone into hiding, and being already two months pregnant, there wasn't enough time to try and figure it out. You had accepted that you would be alone, that you were Illa-ishi, and that you could only enjoy the months ahead while Noona grew inside you.

You had traveled back to Kith in your fifth month of pregnancy and taken up work alongside Don Mai, the self-appointed mayor who graciously offered you a job in the fuel station. But soon your time was up, and you'd started your journey three days ago with the accepted belief that you'd never leave the Mountain of Mothers.

Still, the rational part of your mind sympathized with the man staring you down. You honestly believed you wouldn't see him again, and yet here he was. You knew that Kith was a planet along the outer rim, and nobody cared to understand your culture. Your people were not warriors like Mandalorians, nor powerful witches like Dathomirians. Your people were peaceful and slow.

Don Mai had a point about one thing, "People need to see the wealth of culture we have here. Kith would want the galaxy to know of the sacrifices he made for his wife."

—

Your eyes searched his visor, and he watched as you struggled internally. For a moment, he felt shame at his tone because it elicited a glassy look in your eyes, but he was angry. Not angry at you but more angry with himself. He sat eye level with you, waiting for your explanation when he heard a sigh leave your lips.

“Illa-ishi do not make it to the upper pool to give birth,” Your words offered little to soothe his confused anger. He opened his mouth to speak, but you continued, “Illa-ishi die at this pool with our babes, as a price for our solitude.”

He couldn't believe what he was hearing. You truly believed you would die here, along with the life he helped create. He rose from the crouched position as he looked down at you in the now looming darkness.

He studied your face for a moment before his eyes drifted lower to your full breasts and belly. A twinge of pride at the sight of you was quickly extinguished by the look on your face. You looked sad, like you didn't want to believe what you did, like some part of you wanted to make it to the upper pool. Slowly he extended his right hand down to you before he spoke, “You are not alone, not anymore.”

—

Helping you from the pool carefully, he watched the steaming water rush off your body, leaving droplets all around you. A shiver quickly rushed through you, and he cursed himself for not being more prepared when he left his ship. He didn't even bring Grogu a snack. He stood in front of you, unconsciously zoned out as he tried to think of his next steps.

He didn't realize how uncomfortable you'd become by his gaze until you moved your hands to cover yourself in shame. Your face was flushed pink, and he realized you assumed he'd been standing there staring at you like some teenage boy. He felt a rush of embarrassment; he normally never spared a thought for anyone, never cared what they thought, but for some reason, he really didn't want you to think ill of him.

"Get back in the water," his voice was low, and it almost startled you.

He saw the look of confusion on your face, and he sighed audibly. "Just… you'll be warmer in the water until I can make a fire," he said reluctantly, and he watched your eyebrows shoot up.

"A fire?" You almost sounded excited.

He nodded as he moved to help you situate yourself back into the water.

The green child cooed from his spot, now sitting on your bedroll as he watched. After situating you back into the water, Din looked back to Grogu; he could tell he was getting hungry and tired.

"I need to go collect wood. Would you… just make sure he doesn't get into trouble?" The Mandalorian hesitated to ask you for anything, but he knew Grogu would just inhibit what could be a quick task. He watched your face as you glanced up at him from in the pool and behind him to the child.

"Yes," you said, almost so quietly that he strained to hear it.

"I won't be long," he told you as he stood and immediately walked over to the edge of the cliff to make his way back down toward the forested area.

Left alone with Grogu, you couldn't help but feel a mixture of emotions. The Mandalorian had been harsh, distant, and mysterious, yet he had also shown moments of compassion and care. You watched the child as he cooed and played with his small, metal pendant, seemingly unfazed by the ordeal.

—

The thought of a fire excited you after three days of eating cold food and sleeping on the cold ground. Maybe if Noona was tired and not ready to come, you could actually enjoy your last night of sleep. Surely Noona would be here tomorrow?

"Rissi, Noona?" (Right, Noona?) You spoke to your oddly calm belly. You thought back... when had your last contraction been? After the Mandalorian had shown up, but that had now been almost two hours ago.

You felt unease rise up into your throat.

You only felt this afraid once during your pregnancy, and it was when you hadn't heard Noona's heartbeat at the small makeshift medical office in the fuel station. It wasn't until you and Don Mai had realized the medical droid's radar equipment had malfunctioned that you found peace.

But now you could feel the panic and no peace. A part of your mind was whispering that Noona was already gone. You could feel the tears welling up in your eyes as you started moving frantically towards the shallow part of the pool. You rested your left hand on the soaked fabric of your dress as you clambered towards the edge of the pool.

"Pessi Noona... Pessi!" (Please baby, please.) you whispered frantically as you tried to feel anything. The rock floor of the pool felt harsh under your bare feet, and you slipped a little at one point, causing you to stumble.

From your right, you could hear the small green child make a grunting noise. Pushing yourself up in the water, you felt your breath quickening with panic as you moved out of the water. Tears were coming hard, and you couldn't stop the sobs that came from your mouth.

"Pessi a Noona! Pessi! Pessi!" You cried as you made it from the pool to the harsh gravel-covered surface of the rock surrounding the pool. Looking down at your belly, you pressed your hands rather harshly to feel. You could make out two lumps at the top, maybe knees? You couldn't be sure.

You felt a tugging on your dress, and as you tried to look down past your belly, you caught a glimpse of a green ear. The small green child tugged fervently on your dripping gown.

"Noona a nissa movissi" (baby is not moving), you tried to explain to the small green child who you could hardly see. You sobbed and tried to move toward the bedroll. Through your tears, you heard the small child behind you as his feet pattered softly on the rock behind you. You moved to sit on a rock nearby, lowering yourself to the ground, you planted your feet and caressed your belly.

"Pessi Noona, gividas sotissi" (Please baby give me something), you cried as you continued pressing frantically, trying to get Noona to move or kick, anything.

You felt the lightest touch on your arm as you sat and hyperventilated. Looking to the left, you saw the small green child look at you curiously. His large brown eyes were full of so much emotion, something you couldn't place. Before you could make another sound, you felt the edges of your vision begin to fade.

Maybe this was it... the last moment with you and Noona... would the Mandalorian come back and disturb you? You didn't want to leave the Mountain of Mothers, you wanted to die here with Noona, stay here with Noona, forever…

The last thoughts flashed in your mind before you felt yourself succumb.

"Rest," a small voice whispered through your mind.

#din djarin #din djarin x female reader #din djarin x pregnant reader #din djarin x reader #pedro pascal #pedro pascal characters #star wars the mandalorian #the mandalorian #star wars fanfiction #my gods are not kind to lonely mothers #MGANKTLM

316 notes · View notes

withjaejae · 4 months ago

Text

Smoke | KNJ {CollegeAU}

parings: Fuckboy!Namjoon x Kinky!Reader (side Hoseok)

Wanings: smut, dom/sub, use of toys, use of restraints, gagging, reader is a mashochist, both love fucking but are smart as hell, rich college kids, frat (bts), cheating (?), hoseok gets fucked too, they smoke cigs, namjoon drives, alcohol consumption, rich parents behavior in the end, facetime(you'll see), she gets called a slut, POV switching(?). Let me know if I missed anything

→⁠_⁠→←⁠_→⁠_⁠→←⁠_⁠←→⁠_⁠→←⁠_⁠←→⁠_⁠→←⁠_⁠←

Its when Kim Namjoon, the college fuckboy, having been in the same class as him since freshman but only found you in Senior year when you decided a little change in wardrobe might be nice.

Who the fuck is that?

Namjoon knows every hot woman in class but her... Damn. Is she new? She must be. She walked in the room like she owned it. Her shoulders on display, those tight jeans that he'd love to peel off, she even smells nice even though she sits two chairs in front of him.

"Who's that?" He turns to Yoongi.

"Who?" He scans the room and sure enough, he knew what Namjoon was talking about. "I see. Can't be a transfer its too late into the semester." They both sink into their seats and observe you as you laugh with the guy sitting next to you.

"Why are you guys staring at Y/N." Jin whispers as he sits on the other side of Namjoon.

"Holy fuck, that's her?" Yoongi's jaw drops open. "Damn. It's about time she shows what she's capable of. Get it."

"Y/N. Huh, never thought she's this hot." Just before Namjoon switch seats the professor walks in.

"Don't look now, but Namjoon has been staring at you since the class started." Shayne, your gay best friend, whispers.

You try not to let it show but catching Namjoon's attention makes that former crush ignite again.

You know you'd catch him if you tried but you were too lazy to do anything if he's just gonna do you once. No, you plan on making it worth your while. If he still doesn't want you in the end, then so be it.

You can feel his stare and you definitely want to reel him in even more. When the professor asks everyone to hand in their papers, as usual, you're done first. The moment you stand up, you feel all the attention not just Namjoon's. Once you reach the bottom of the stairs you "accidentally" drop your paper and then you pull the 'legally blonde' move of bend and snap. Which in return, you see Namjoon's jaw clench and several others.

"Ms. Y/L/N. You look lovely today." Your professor Mrs. Pierce adores you, she keeps trying to set you up with her nephew but you often refused.

You turn around and notice most of the guys looking away, except for one. Namjoon maintains eye contact with you, you're not backing down either. You hold eye contact until you had to turn around and take your seat.

"Now, for this semester's project." Mrs. Pierce scans the crowd. "It'll be in pairs, but! I don't want you to pair with a friend or your roommate, but instead go for someone you don't know. You are nearing the end of your journey here, I'd like you to get to know each other well." She goes off about the project. His eyes fixed on the back of your head, he knew this was his chance.

He wasn't a dumb fuckboy, no. He was smart and often described as sexy brain. He knew you by name but you often dressed like a nun and never fixed your hair or face. Sure, Jin once said you were cute but Namjoon couldn't really see it until today. God, was he dumb this time. His ideal girl, right in front of him.

When the class ended several people approached you asking to be your partner, you gave them smiles but instead of leaving the room you turned around and walked up the stairs towards Namjoon.

You probably came here to ask to partner with him. But his imagination shattered when you turned to Jin asked if he already finished the paper for your language class.

"Shit. I forgot to send you the file last night but I'll forward it today, by lunch maybe." Jin casually answers and Namjoon frowns.

"Alright, text me." You bid before exiting the room.

"Okay, what the fuck?" Namjoon gets up and turns toward Jin. "When did you work with her? How? Why?"

"You skipped language last week and there was a group research done, there's four of us, chill." Namjoon scoffs and pushes past him, all Jin did was laugh. "Is Namjoonie jealous?"

"Fuck off. I do not get jealous." Jin continues to snicker.

Namjoon notices you at the end of the hall and chases after you before anyone else gets a chance.

"Y/N, hey!" You turn around to see him practically sprinting towards you. You just stand wait.

You knew he'd break when you approached Seokjin instead of him. You knew that would add another nail to his coffin, you knew dancing with him would be dangerous and yet here you both are.

"If you're not yet taken, I'd like to have you as my partner on this project." Straightforward, you love it.

"Uhh, yeah, sure." You try to be non-chalant. "I have to be somewhere right now but I'd love to meet up tonight if that works for you."

"Tonight would be great. See ya." He smirks and walks back to his friends. You notice a few girls frowning at what just happened before them.

The day keeps you busy, with your own thesis in the works and At 6PM your phone notifies you.

From Unknown: Where should we meet?

To Unknown: I'm guessing this is Namjoon?

From NJ: Right, sorry. I got your number from Jin.

To NJ: I was just about to ask him for yours.

From NJ: So... Your place?

To NJ: yeah, sure. If you're ok with that.

From NJ: cool, I'll see you then.

To NJ: you know where I live?

From NJ: I was gonna ask Jin... 😅

To NJ: He won't know that.

To NJ: *Address*, See ya.

Namjoon had to ask Jin if he knew her address but like she said, he doesn't know. He tried asking a few people if they know but nobody does.

Does this mean... He's the first guy you're going to have over? Namjoon feels a little too giddy for that.

Its not like he was planning to fuck you right away, the project will come first, then you next.

He parks outside an apartment building, he punches a code to enter and gets to the elevator.

From YN: the passcode to my door is ******. I might be in the shower when you arrive.

Fuck. Namjoon was in trouble. He shouldn't be this turned on just by the mere trust you give him, he could be a psychopath. Or worse, you could be a psychopath.

But it was a stupid thought that he pushed aside and gave himself access to your home.

It was nice, cozy, a wall filled with books and a minimalist living space. Its mostly shades of grey, beige and a speck of teal.

He can't hear anything except for the classical music that's playing from wherever the speakers are.

He'a losing his mind, the books on your desk are those he too has read, you have Vivaldi playing, your couch looks new and your place is too clean for a college student. He knows you're not poor because even when he didn't notice you as much, he could see your clothes were expensive.

Staring at the wall of books, a certain shelf of unfamiliar books caught his attention, you pull one out and flip through it without any thought.

"I never pegged you as a smut type of guy." Your hair is tied in a bun, your robe too short for his sanity.

"Sorry, I was just looking." Why did he sound less confident? He clears his throat. "I mean, ummm..." He's losing his shit over the sight of your thighs.

You giggle. "Give me a couple more minutes." Your eyes linger on him, and he was sure you gave him the "fuck me" eyes. But he heard the lock on your door, so maybe not now.

Namjoon's phone buzzes in his pocket.

*GroupChat*

Jin: Hey Joon, while you're at it. Pls tell YN that I'm revising the paper. Thanks

JK: YN? Whomst?

Tae: *image sent*

JK: holy fuck.

Tae: i took this with her permission by the way.

It was a photo of you on the university bench, your white button down falling off your shoulder revealing the black strap of uour , your hair flowing down your shoulders, your black jeans following the form of your ass so nice.

*GroupChat*

HK: Give me her number.

NJ: Nope. I'm already at her place Hobi. You snooze, you lose.

Tae: tell her I said hi.

He hears the door click open and you step out in- God, what game are you playing.- You wear a white loose top and almost nothing for shorts since it looked like it was barely covering your ass. Namjoon chokes on his own spit, she just looks at him.

"You good?" Namjoon nods. "Alright, ummm... Follow me." You nod towards the corner down the hall.

"You have a really nice... place." Namjoon admires your ass more than your actual decor.

"Thanks, it's my parents'." You stop in front lf a door. "Main bedroom is there, toilet, guest bedroom, study, and game room."

"Oh, like xbox and stuff?" He really did quote 50 Shades.

You just smile and giggle, but that doesn't really answer his question. Again, his brain goes haywire.

"We can start on identifying our subject, we can meet here whenever our schedule permits and if we meet often then we'll be done before the end of the month." Namjoon takes a seat on the couch and takes out his own laptop while you fire up your PC.

"Hey, YN." Namjoon stares at your PC. You look at him. "Ummm... If I may ask what's on every guy's minds these days." You nod for him to continue. "Why the sudden change?" Namjoon smirks, hoping he'd steer the conversation towards something better.

"Oh... Yeah, well I got bored." You shrug. That's actually the truth, you got bored of having to look approachable. "I couldn't keep up my image in front of my family, and at Uni so, I just went with what was easier."

"Ah... I know what you mean." You look at him and raise an eyebrow. "Back in highschool, I used to be this goody two shoes in front of my family but at school, I was a beast."

You just giggled at how cute he is. But before he could press on, you offered to push start the project, which he surprisingly took well. Namjoon isn't a douche, a fuckboy, but not a douche.

Two hours in and you needed a breather. A heavy one. You've already trusted him enough to let him into your home, why not let him go all the way. With the clock nearing 11PM, you turn to watch him typ away on his laptop.

"Hey, do you wanna take a break?" Namjoon cracks his neck and nods. "Are you hungry?"

"Oh, sure. I could eat." You slowly nod and order a pizza from nearby. "Sorry to ask but is there any place I could smoke?"

"Oh, follow me." You cross the hall and enter the game room.

Namjoon thought it was pretty nice, there was a huge couch that could easily be a bed, an actual xbox and a mini fordge with energy drinks and water. He looks up and lowe and behold there were hooks.

"Damn. What kind of kinky shit do you do in here?" You blush but catch yourself, you're not ready for that kind of thing yet.

"I do flying yoga from time to time." You open the balcony doors where a couch was situated in the center next to a stand-alone ash tray.

You pull out a cigarette from the drawer beneath the couch and hand him one but he pulls out his own brand from his pocket.

Namjoon watches you as you casually smoke next to him, ass almost out, hair messy, and that top that does things.

He has to admit, watching you work for the past two hours got him feeling warm, he did try to do some research but all he could do was scan the room for something that he could use to open a conversation.

"You're so deep in thought." You smirk, two feet away from each other and Namjoon could feel the heat radiating off you. "You know, I didn't expect it when you asked me to be your partner." That was a lie.

"Well, I wanted to get to know you." And in your pants but there's a process.

Unlike usual fuckboys, Namjoon would actually go on a date then fuck them after and then he bounces.

That's how its always been for the past years, while you hid behind your glasses and messy outfits, Namjoon was getting a taste of every woman in campus.

You exchange a few stories from class, your parents, his parents and friends. Which he doesn't usually do.

"You have an odd group of friends." You state at the mention of his friend group.

"Yeah, but they're cool." He puts the cigarette on the ash tray and lean back.

"Yeah, Everyone knows that." You lean over Namjoon, your chest to his face as you put out your cigarette on the ashtray. You give him a second to inhale your scent.

Namjoon felt himself get hard, would it really be bad if you saw it? You practically shoved your tits on his face.

"What was that?" Namjoon questions and you just giggled and stood up.

"We should wrap up today, we have an early class tomorrow." He follows you back into the play room. As you lock up the balcony, Namjoon strays and opens the wrong door.

"Don't!" Fuck. Plans = ruined.

Namjoon's jaw drops. It was a closet, not just any closet, its filled with sex toys and lingerie, whips, chains, a fucking leash?!

"Fuck. I knew you were something." Namjoon turns expecting you to deny it and feel flustered but instead, you smirk. Which was really hot. "Were you planning to use this on me?"

You scoff. "Mr. Kim." You slowly approach him, his throat goes dry. "I don't think you can handle what I'm planning." Okay, now he was definitely hard and you know it, your body flushed against his, lips so close but he doesn't move.

You give him a peck on the lips and shut the closet door. He chased after your lips but you were already headed out the door.

"Oh no, you don't." He wraps his hand on the back of your neck and pulls you back, crashing his lips on yours.

He shuts the door and pushes you against it. Teeth clashing, his tongue down your throat.

The night has escalated. He lifts you up and carries you to the bed. Using your strength you flip over, you straddle his thighs and sit up.

"Maybe we shouldn't." You speak, his face falls but you just giggle and kiss him again.

You start grinding on his crotch, he moans into the kiss. His hands roam your body freely, on your ass, on your tits, then finally, down your core.

He wasn't surprised to find you wet, shit, even he had a wet patch in his boxers.

"Wait." You pull away but he sits up and trails kisses down your neck. "Fuck. I said...wa—" He did a thing with his tongue on your neck which made your brain short circuit. "Fuck it."

If Kim Namjoon is already on your bed, you'd better make it his best.

—

You only had about an hour of sleep, its 7am and you both have a lecture at 8.

You try your best to crawl out of bed while a naked Namjoon is wrapped around your torso, you reached for the shirt at the corner of the bed and decided that's what you're gonna wear for the morning.

You wonder how THE Kim Namjoon likes his eggs in the morning.

You get the coffee maker running and take out some eggs and decided that sunnyside is the safest, you put some bacon on the air fryer.

While you're frying some eggs, you hear the door room close. Mornings like this can go both ways, he'd try to sneak out or he'd actually join you for breakfast.

Instead, Namjoon wraps his arms around you cupping your tits then your ass. You giggle as he starts kissing your neck, he continues like that until you're done cooking three eggs and the air fryer finishes.

"Come on, we have to get ready for class." You spin within his hold and push his head off your shoulder.

God, was he gorgeous. And he thought the same of you.

"Mr. Sallow cancelled, a family emergency." He starts kissing down your neck again. "Which means, we can pick up where we left off this morning." But his stomach betrays him as it growls so loud.

"Breakfast first." You pick up the plates from the counter and bring it to the dining area.

He takes a seat and drags you with him, making you straddle him. He feels you naked below and you feel his dick twitch.

You grab a piece of bread and feed him, along with eggs and bacon. Not a finger was lifted by Namjoon this morning, they were probably tired.

"What time is your next class?" His voice was low and raspy, his pupils dilates now that he's fed.

"I think we have the next one at 2." He glances at the clock behind you, you had 6 hours to burn and he has a very detailed plan on how to do that. "But I do have errands to run. I'm running low on condoms." You whisper.

"We can do it raw next time so you can cut back on expenses?" You giggle again.

"Yeah, sure. Next time." You feed him.

Namjoon recognizes that tone from anyone. A doubt that he'd see them again, if it were any other woman, he'd get her hopes up and butter her up before leaving and never to call back again.

YN knows he'll be back faster than anyone, all the toys he picked out last night were things you wished someone used on you instead of the other way around.

Namjoon turned out to be the perfect playmate but you can't tell him that.

He touched you in all the right places, kissed you where you needed him the most, no wonder he was called a fuck boy because if he ignores any girl after this then you'd probably lose it too.

Thinking about what you did all night got you wey and Namjoon feels it.

"How about I have my breakfast now?" He picks you up and takes you to the couch but you stop him.

"I need to shower." You push him and run towards the shower but you didn't bother to pull the door all the way.

Namjoon takes it as a sign and follows you inside. And again, like last night you spent the morning wrapped up in each other.

At around 11AM when Namjoon finally needed to go home to get a proper bath.

"Do you need me to drop you off?" You offer, you're dressed in a jumpsuit and a leather jacket to cover all the scratches, hickeys and bruises namjoon has left on your skin.

If anything, Namjoon can get pretty rough and there are a few girls who didn't want to see him again because he figuratively broke them.

"I drove here." You nod. "So..." Namjoon starts.

"Damn. The slow 'so...' can really mean a lot." You giggle. "Don't worry, Joon. I won't be chasing you down the road if that's what ypu're worried about."

That's not what he meant. Quite the opposite.

"No, I was going to ask when can I see you again?" He follows you out of the apartment and down the hall.

"We'll see each other at class this afternoon." You play non-chalant, his game.

"Can I see you after?" He slowly turns his head toward you.

"If you want to." You smile at him and he flashes you a genuine smile where his dimples come out.

You separate paths at the parking lot, but Namjoon refusing to leave before he got another kiss, which you had no problem of giving.

The moment Namjoon sets foot in their frat house, he's surrounded by his brothers.

"You didn't come home last night." Jin's eyes were slits.

"You don't smell like alcohol." Tae sniffs him. "But you do smell like vanilla! You took a shower in a woman's bathroom."

Jungkook lifts Namjoon's shirt and reveals a well scratched back. "Did you fight with a tiger?!"

"Leave him alone guys." Yoongi walks in with his morning black coffee. "He probably spent some night at one of his women."

Namjoon just smirks and pushes past his brothers.

"You better come home early tonight." Namjoon just shoots Yoongi a thumbs up and enters his room.

Tonight is a TGIF Party that the house throws to raise funds for the charity they're supoorting. They're not exactly a typical frat that just throw parties coz they want to.

A knock comes on Namjoon's door just as he was about to get in the shower.

"You should be here tonight." Yoongi peeks his head through the door.

"I will, chill." Namjoon smiled again.

"You're freaking me out with all the smiling. Who were you with last night?" Yoongi, who now stands by his door with a refilled cup of coffee.

"YN." His tired expression turned into shock.

"You fucked YN? ON THE FIRST NIGHT?!" Namjoon throws a balled up sock at Yoongi in hopes to get him to shut up. "Holy shit. And she got you smiling, must have been good."

"Ah, that's not even enough to describe it." Namjoon smiles again and finally enters the bathroom.

"Party Joon! I need you tonight." Yoongi walks out of his room shaking his head.

At the 2pm lecture, Namjoon scans the room for you. He isn't even sure that he should sit next to you,He isn't sure if you wanted him to. You never really set any boundaries with him. And he with you, on a normal day, Joon would be telling the girl to keep it lowkey.

But you're a trophy in his eyes, deserves to be shown off. But that would break his status quo since that's not what Kim Namjoon does. He's never had a stable girlfriend, barely knew how to properly date or to be a boyfriend but everything crosses his mind while he prepared for this lecture.

He worked well with just casual fucks and having a string of go-to women.

"Hey Joon, will I be seeing you at the party tonight?" Stacy winks at him, she was the most recent one. Only a few weeks ago.

"Ummm, I do live there." Namjoon answers but at that moment you lock eyes and you fucking wink.

He leaves Stacy while she was mid-sentence and she scoffs. He makes a bee line for you and takes the seat next to you.

"Hey." Namjoon's smile is wide, his cheeks hurt from smiling all day.

"Hey you." You smile back. A warmth spread through you. "How's your day going?"

"I had a really good nap before this." He that loves your attention was fully on him. "How about you?" His voice was low and he was leaning into you.

"Still sore but I'll manage." You whisper making you both explode in giggle.

From behind Namjoon you notice Stacy scoff at you two.

Namjoon takes a deep inhale as the professor walks in, hoping to keep your scent inside him. Which sounds fucked up if you think about it.

The lecture goes on for two hours, no flirting happened except for when the both of you had to discuss a couple of topics that your professor presented.

The entirety of you had Namjoon completely invested. You're smart, beautiful, and a bit insane AND he loved fucking you.

But like many men, he gets spooked by commitment. Maybe you can be an exception? You've known each other a day and he's already speaking like this.

There really must be something wrong with him.

While you're here being chill about everything, Namjoon is losing his fucking mind over one night he spent with you. He keeps replaying the sounds that you made, the memory of your skin on his. God, fuck.

He really is fucked.

After class, Namjoon asks if you had plans for tonight, when you said you were free, he asked you to be his +1 at the party.

"I'll be there." He helps you out of the aisle.

"I can pick you up so you won't have to drive?" Namjoon seems really different today.

"I can drive." You confirm, you both walk out of the hall where a Stacy is waiting.

"I can't wait to see you tonight, Joon." She winks at him and scowls at you.

"Oh. I'm with YN tonight but it would help our charity if you'd come." Stacy looked pale.

"See you tonight." You bid at Namjoon before walking down the hall towards Shayne.

"I swear, I saw you and Kim Namjoon give the 'fuck me eyes' at each other. Or I'm just really high." You bump his shoulders and wink. "No fucking way. How was he? Were the rumours true? YN! SAY SOMETHING."

"I'm gonna head home and prepare for the party." You wave at him and practically sprint to your car.

Namjoon does the same, Yoongi and Jungkook were hanging up the decors while the other frat brothers were in the kitchen, Namjoon helps move around the furniture, he checks the music, lights, booze. Everything has to be perfect.

"You're pretty hands on today." Jimin, your in-house DJ who was setting up his station.

"That's because his girlfriend is coming." Yoongi says non-chalantly and Namjoon ignores.

"Whoa. Overnight? She must be hot hot." Jimin grins. "I'll keep an eye out."

"Joke all you want, she's not my girlfriend." Not yet, he hopes.

Once everything has been set, he and his brothers take the salutatory shot before opening the doors.

People started to file in, Namjoon's eyes follow every one hoping to see you. The door closes when the party gets a bit full and its only been 15 minutes.

A knock comes and Jungkook opens it. As if the world slowed down, the music was muffled and the sun has shone again.

You drop 100 bucks into the donation bin and Jungkook and Tae jump with joy. Namjoon meets you halfway down the hall and you exchange smiles.

"Hey." Literally, you brighten his world. Again, ITS ONLY BEEN A NIGHT.

You're dressed in all black, cargo pants and a long sleeved cropped top that has a cut out above your tits which, from his height, he can see the golden globes. Few hickeys peek out from beneath you collarbone and Namjoon has never felt proud of his markings on anyone.

"Hey YN!!" You and Taehyung shared a fistbump. "Thank you so much for the very generous donation, and for that, you get to do the first beer bong of the night!"

Everyone around you cheers and even Jimin acknowledges you making the entire house watch you.

"You don't have to." Namjoon whispers and Tae gives him a look that says 'are you for real?'

You just smile and laugh and take the end of the beer bong. Everyone starts counting as Tae and Jungkook start pouring the beer. You've been at it for a while and from the corner of your eye, Namjoon starts cheering for you.

Once you finished off 4 beers through the bong you cut yourself off.

"THAT'S A RECORD!" Everyone cheers and so does Namjoon!

Who, the entire time, felt his fucking dick twitch at the sight of your throat bobbing. He knows you can control your breathing, he's seen you.

As soon as everyone went back to their own business, Namjoon pulls you in for a long kiss.

"That was hot." He whispers against your lips.

"And here I was thinking I'd never see Namjoon do PDA." Yoongi had a stupid grin on his face when you turn around. "As the president of this house and the charity chairman, I'd like to thank thee — YN, for the generous donation and breaking the beer bong record for females." He hands you a shot. "For also making Namjoon do PDA." You, Namjoon and Yoongi raise your glasses and throw back the shot. "I hope to see more of you."

You and Namjoon find a corner in the living room where you both nurse a beer while exchanging childhood stories. You can feel a few gazes lingering on both you and Namjoon since he's had his arm around your shoulder the entire time.

Namjoon is never known for PDA, nobody knows if he's ever had a girlfriend, and suddenly he's hanging with the new hotgirl. It makes sense but what doesn't is that his friends can see how hooked he is on you.

"Do you dance?" You bite your lip, borderline drunk from all the alcohol in your system.

"Only if my life depends on it." Namjoon was not as drunk but he's intoxicated with you.

Sexy Nukim starts playing and you just had to get up and start dancing. Namjoon watches you like a hawk while sipping his beer.

You bump into Hoseok, one of his brothers, with eyes locked with Namjoon's you start grinding on him. He should be furious but he's not, instead he feels himself get hard over the sight of you sweating and moving.

Hoseok could be gay, they're not sure but he's definitely not a threat until he runs his nose down your neck and you actually bite your lip. Namjoon's jaw visibly clenches until Stacy appears in front of him, blocking his view of you.

"Hey hot stuff, how about we—" Namjoon gets up and ignores her. Just when he was about to walk, you suddenly appeared behind Stacy.

Without words you simply take Namjoon's hand lead him up the stairs fully aware of all the eyes on you. Namjoon was in a trance and simply followed you.

When you stopped at the top of the stairs he leads you towards his room.

The moment you stepped in your mouths were on each other, his hands on the of your jeans and your hands peeling his shirt. You pushed him on the bed and straddled his lap, lips lingering on each other.

You tug on his hair making him crane his neck, you lick a long stripe from his collarbone upto his ear where you nip at his lobes.

You take out his belt in one pull urge him to move up to the headboard, once there you take his wrists and secure it with the belt and tie it to his headboard.

A load thud came from outside his door, honestly you wouldn't mind if someone walked in.

But you get up and made sure to lock the door, the music was so loud, you were sure nobody would hear you. And you liked it that way.

You strip Namjoon off his pants and boxers, his dick springs to life and you did what you've been wanting to do since you got here.

Namjoon is getting the best blowjob of his life and he's tied to the fucking bed. He was about to come when he finally gets a hand free, he weaves his hand through your hair and pulls you off. You smirk and holy fuck did he almost cum.

When you fully untie his hands he wraps the belt around your neck like a leash, the smile on your face lets him know that you absolutely love it.

"Fucking slut." And you moan. Namjoon grins and turns you over on all fours.

He reached out for a condom on his night stand and rolls it on him, he enters you and you can still feel a little sting from yesterday's events.

Namjoon is merciless, fucking, degrading, spanking. Fuck it was heaven. You've been playing dominant your entire sex life when all you wanted to be was a submissive slut.

He fucks you in new ways you never thought was possible, he was impressed with how flexibe you could be and how good you take him. Other women would tap-out but you're taking it so well.

You don't know when you both passed out, or what time did you actually decided that it was enough because Namjoon had the stamina of an animal and at one point you feared that you won't be able to keep up.

But on his double bed you lay tangled in his limbs. You stay snuggled next to him.

When was the last time you actually genuinely cared for another human being? You had a fat crush on Namjoon a year ago but you never really made an effort until recently.

You glance at the clock by the door, its only 8am. There are no lectures for saturday which is why they hold the TGIF Parties.

The sound of Namjoon's breathing was therapeutic, You fall back asleep in a matter of minutes

By 8:30 Namjoon stirs awake, he made sure you were sti there, he kisses your nose. But he froze after doing so, who is he?

Namjoon tries to slip out of your grasp by rolling you over, When he's free, he puts on his pajama pants and head out the door where a few other women were doing the walk of shame in the morning and the men standing by their door frames.

"All you male whores get down here, now." Yoongi calls from their kitchen. Namjoon is impressed by how clean the space is.

"Who even had the energy to clean?" Jungkook with one eye still shut groans.

"Not energy, money." All of their heads whip towards Yoongi. "Well, around 5am this morning, Namjoon's girlfriend came out looking for something to drink." Their heads turn to Namjoon this time. He remembers you slipping out, you even brought him a glass.

"And? She cleaned?" Jin swiped his finger across the kitchen island.

"No, she saw me trying to clean up a little. Then she stepped on something sticky. She asked if I needed help." Yoongi sighs. "I was still drunk and said yes, and that if only we had enough people to help it'll be done in 30 minutes. She got her phone, called someone and in like 5 minutes two vans arrived and like 15 people came in and cleaned the place."

Jimin busted out laughing. "So Namjoon got himself a sugar mommy. No, a hot sugar mommy. She needs to stick around."

"Like that's gonna happen. He'll probably have a new one next week." Hoseok chuckles. "And when that happens, I'll be happy to keep her around." Namjoon's jaw clenches.

He and Hoseok had always been sort of rivals but nobody crosses the line, and he wouldn't have a doubt that Hoseok would pursue you once its over.

"I didn't see her leave though." Taehyung finally pipes.

"Yeah, she's still sleeping upstairs." Namjoon responds.

"That's new. Usually you'd make them leave at the crack of dawn. Damn, you really are hooked." Jin chuckles. "Well, I don't see a problem here. If she wants to help, let her. Its not like we forced her or anything. I don't see a big deal."

"Jin's right. Let's just get on with our days and see where this leads." Jimin gets the coffee machine running and notices you coming down the stairs dressed as you are from last night. "Speak of the devil."

Everyone turns around and you just smile and study the place to make sure the people you hired completely cleaned the place.

"Thank you for last night, party was great." Namjoon approaches you and kisses you on the lips.

"Ewww." Jungkook looks away.

"Thank you, YN, for your help this morning. I really appreciate it. We appreciate it."a chorus of thank yous were thrown your way.

Namjoon guides you to the door.

"Do you have any plans for today?" He whispers.

"I was going to try and continue to work on the paper and my thesis." Namjoon's hands wrap around your waist, you're being too irresistible for him and its fucking him up.

"Right..." For a second he thought about asking you out on a proper date but that's unlikely of him. "Well, I guess I'll see you later?" You just smile and run your fingers through his hair.

"Okay." You whisper, Namjoon loses his self control and kisses you deeply.

The moment you drive off Namjoon feels his heart skip a beat. What have you done to him? Was there fumes or powder in the closet that made him crazy over you? Or... Witchcraft? But Hoseok sees it too. He didn't even know you were rich-rich until Yoongi told everyone about the people who helped cleaning.

Without realizing it Namjoon is back on his bed staring at the ceiling, recalling the events of the past two nights. You barely knew each other 48 hours ago now he's itching to follow you home.

You, on the other hand, is grinning from ear to ear. Sure you love Namjoon's attention but you know damn well he won't be taking you seriously. Still, the sex was different and mindblowing and your tiny chats had you opening each other up like christmas presents. It's not freaking you out like it does Namjoon, because you know how you're going to end up if you start caving in with your feelings.

Your day went the way you told Namjoon it would be, on your desk doing the project and your thesis.

You don't actually need his help but you'd like some insight so you send him the document thru email and move on to your thesis.

Namjoon sees the email notification and opens it, its your draft for the project. Was this your way of reaching out to him? You could've just texted him. But reading through the document, he frowns. You've finished it in a day and now there's no reason for the two of you to meet up again.

Great. Now Namjoon really has to find an actual reason to see you. Why did you have to be so smart? But truth be told, he too could've finished the project alone but he wanted to spend more time with you.

"Hey, we're gonna grab some coffee on the way to the bowling alley. Wanna come?" Jungkook's head is peeking though his door. He simply nods and gets up to change.

Jimin drove towards the coffee shop and Namjoon has been locking and unlocking his phone. A notification pops up and sees that you followed him in instagram and he gets a message from you.

YN: I sent the file thru email earlier. You can tweak it and then send it back so I can review it.

YN: no rush but at this rate we can submit the final file by next class.

Namjoon sighs and leaves you on read. Typical, you thought.

"Hey, YN followed me on instagram." Yoongi pipes from the front seat.

"Me too." Hoseok grins at Namjoon.

Jimin and Jungkook too. Tae and Jin were already mutuals with her since early this year. So Namjoon wasn't as special as he thought he was and it made him feel a little upset.

Why? He's not sure but knowing you followed his friends too made him sulk.

"You won't mind if I hit up her DMs, right?" Hoseok nudges his shoulder and Namjoon doesn't respond. Normally, he wouldn't mind but something about you made him feel weird. "I'll take that as a green light."

"Come on Hobi, she was just with him last night. At least wait 24 hours." Jungkook's advice did not make it any better. "I know I will."

"Damn, competition is tight." Hoseok teases but Namjoon's mood doesn't change.

And like fate, they all ran into you at the coffee shop. Hair in a pony tail, your glasses is on and you're in an oversized shirt tucked in denim ripped denim jeans and you have an Iced Americano on the table while you tap in your phone grinning like a school girl.

Namjoon pretends not to see you but Hoseok makes his way towards you and sit on the empty seat across you and you actually smile at him.

"Hoseok is fast and furious." Taehyung laughs but then he sees Namjoon with a stern expression and stops smiling. "I mean, andwhat an asshole, right?" He nervously laughs.

Hoseok points at him and you turn to wave and smile. A different smile from what Hoseok received, and for the second time today, Namjoon's heart skips a beat.

Hoseok continues to chat you up until it was their turn to order, he invited you to go bowling but you politely declined and said you had other plans for the day but really, it was just code not to flirt with anyone within the 24 hours of being with someone else unless the previous partner kept it on the downlow but last night Namjoon had shown you off to all his peers by kissing and sneaking away with you.

"I tried inviting her but she said she had plans." Hoseok was grinning. "She also said that the bowling alley are pretty full on Saturday nights unless we had a reservation, do we?" The group turns to Jungkook who shakes his head.

Hoseok goes back to your table and you make a call. A minute later the both of you smile and nod.

"Now we do." Hoseok proudly smiles after using you to get them a lane since you were friends with the owner.

Namjoon loathes that Hoseok just used you for their gain but it seemed like it only bothered him. You weren't even looking at him while they waited for their drink, is he really not going to talk to you? He thought to himself.

Just as he was about to approach their drinks are done and everyone is headed back out towards the car. Out of the corner of your eye you see him hesitate and it just fuels your ego.

The reason you were grinning on your phone was because the new shoes you ordered is ariving soon and you saw his face frowned as he saw you grinning.

You refuse to be the mouse in this game.

You receive a notification from Namjoon.

NJ: i'll make revisions tonight but its already good.

NJ: see you around.

Namjoon groans, where is his confidence? He's the school crush, and he didn't even talk to you.

Oh right, that's because it was against his personal rules to not talk to any hookup unless necessary within 24hours. Stupid code. But it's kept other women wanting him more, but you're not like other women. You're smart and rich, what could you possibly need him for. He was equally smart and rich.

After bowling Taehyung thought it would be good to go clubbing and just relax given that the party yesterday was exhausting and the bowling today didn't help.

Namjoon immediately agrees if it means he could take his mind off you. You and Shayne were already in the club when they walk in but neither of you notice, while you occupy the VIP seat that could easily fit 10 people, Jimin looked around for an empty spot where they could sit.

"Looks like its a full house." Jimin shouts over the music.

"Hold on!" Taehyung spots you from across the room and points.

Namjoon follows his finger and sees you with Shayne and some dude he's making out with, you look like a goddess. Dresses in all black dress that showed your entire back. Which he painted with his cum last night and now he's got a boner. You casually sip on a martini and some guy tries to chat you up but you shake your head looking like you just refused that he could sit.

He was too busy watching you that he didn't notice Jin and Hoseok had already approached you and you grinned,

It looked like you were happy to see them. They pointed and everyone waved except Namjoon. You immediately offer your booth and pushing Shayne and his choice for tonight to the end of the booth to which he grins and said that he's leaving with his beau.

You roll your eyes and shoo them away as Shayne blows you a kiss. That means its 7 of them and one of you, you feel a bit awkward since Namjoon had barely spoken to you and even chose to ignore you earlier but it was fine.

Hoseok calls the rest of the guys over and they each thanked you for sharing the booth, you decided to sit by the end of the booth and Namjoon had chosen to sit on the other end, the couch was shaped like a staple wire so you and Namjoon sat across each other with 6 people in between.

You raise your hand to call over a waiter and ask the group for their drink preference, you ordered another martini and Namjoon is just having whatever they had.

The seating arrangement was you, Hoseok, Jin, Tae, Jimin, Yoongi, Jungkook and then Namjoon.

Hoseok had started chatting with you again, Namjoon had his eyes fixed on the two of you.

"That should be me, holding your hand." Jungkook sings as he watches Namjoon looking at you like he'd punch Hoseok when he gets a chance. "You look like you could kill someone." Jungkook hands him a shot and he takes it easily.

The group breaks out into their own conversations but Namjoon opted out since all he could do was stare at you and the only time you gave him attention was when you handed him his drink that the waiter mistakenly gave you.

He was right, you're not like other women, otherwise you would've already been all over him like he wants you to be. His pride refusing to give you the satisfaction that he liked your attention.

A waiter approaches and whispers something in her ear and she nods excusing herself from the group, Namjoon's stare follows her towards a dark corner in the club where she actually turns to look at him and winks. She knew what she was doing and Namjoon is just about to fall into the trap.

He knew this club had back rooms, what he didn't know was that you were a member, better yet, a benefactor.

A couple of minutes pass and a waiter approaches Namjoon to hand him another drink, he didn't order one yet but at the bottom of the glass was the number 7. He excuses himself, not like they would notice and move towards the exit he saw you take.

He shows the glass to the bouncer and lets him in, he walks down the hall and finds the room. He didn't knock, he just entered.

And following you had to be the best decision tonight. He knew you were freaky but this is next level.

You were on the bed, arms bondaged to each other, it was you, the hickeys on your shoulder said it all. You had on a choker and a thong. Your eyes blindfolded, no words were needed.

He takes off his shirt and stands before you his hard dick right in front of your face, he knew you needed him, you can feel his warmth in front of you.

"Please." Were the only words you said to make him he takes off his pants, he's not into bondage, hell he didn't even know the basics but you seemed to enjoy him a lot that you allow him to dominate you.

"Fuck you're such a little slut." He makes you suck on his thumb. Holding your tongue down.

He revels in the way that you follow his commands, a simple "ass up" and you're down on your face moaning into the bed as he uses a whip on your ass.

He's over the moon with how you're leaking fluids all the way down your tights. He uses his finger to collect it in puts it in your mouth.

His breath is shaky as you take it without question. He takes off your blindfold and makes you look up towards the mirrored headboard.

"I'm going to fuck you raw." You don't complain since you have your birth control in and you'd probably get a plan B after this.

You feel the tip of his cock enter and you let out a shaky breath, the breach feels too good. Normally, you'd take men here to dominate but having it the other way around made you realize its feels way too good and feels way better.

There are no clocks in the room and you don't know how long have you two been fucking but you feel sore all over and you feel full of cum. He's gagged you, hung you upside down, your back is stinging from all the flogging, Namjoon is on the brink of passing out but every time you make eye contact you giggle.

Jesus Christ, you are a freak. And Namjoon loves it. The moment he unties you, you colapse onto the floor, your limbs are numb.

"Get up." His voice is hoarse, you whimper as you push yourself off the floor. Pain finally taking over the pleasure.

Your face covered in cum and sweat as you stand before him. He wraps a hand around your neck expecting you to flinch but you grin instead.

"Fuck, such a good girl." He kisses you but slowly this time.

His phone rings from his pants somewhere across the room breaking your moment, you try to limp your way into the corner of the room where your dress from tonight was hanging.

"Hey, where the fuck did you go?" Jin was on the line and Namjoon checked the time it was 2:30AM.

"I'm with YN." Jin gives him a little 'oh' and hangs up. There's not really much explanation needed.

He puts on his clothes and sees you bending over to put your heels back on, you grab a wet tissue from the shelf and clean the cum on your hair and face.

And as if nothing happened you walk towards him.

"I need to smoke." Was all you said before he follows you out the door and into the back exit where you were greeted by the bouncer.

Namjoon follows you towards your car, you take out the cigarettes and hand him one before you both take a drag.

"Can I ask you something?" He starts and you just nod with the very little energy you have. "How did you get into this kinky shit?"

"Oh... When I was younger, I had this boyfriend who wanted to try kinky shit. At first he was the dom and I was a 'sub' but when we tried to reverse the roles, well he liked being a sub and it just stuck." Your voice was low and hoarse from all the moaning and blowjobs.

"But you let me dominate you?" He traps you between him and your car. "Why is that?"

"It just happened the other day, when we first fucked. I liked how you treated me, the way you called me names, when I begged, i loved the pain." Namjoon tries not to get hard again, he's not sure if he can go another round. "Do you not like it?" Your doe eyes looking up at him, makeup is barely there already.

"Babygirl, I liked it way too much." His voice sent shivers down your spine. You smile, like a genuine smile as if he just told you that he liked you and not the sex.

"That's good." You whisper before taking a drag from your cigarette.

There's something seriously wrong with you but he's not one to complain, at one point earlier he was genuinely worried that he'd gone overboard but you had set your safe words and none of them was uttered by you.

He almost broke skin on your ass but he held back and you know it. Because for you, that was the only love language you knew.

You dropped off Namjoon before driving home to your place, you took an ice bath just to make sure that your entire body won't bruise from the ropes.

Namjoon had a shit-eating grin as he walks up the stairs to his room.

The week flew buy, you and Namjoon were inseparatable, he's been spending more time at your place partially to do the project but also to explore Namjoon's limits since you already knew yours.

You've been branded as off-limits due to Namjoon being literally stuck to your side. You and Namjoon looked committed but he hates talking about it, while you just ignore the questions.

You both handed in your paper two weeks earlier than the deadline and Mrs. Pierce was impressed. And was proud that the two of you hit it off, she had no idea.

"Namjoon." Hoseok approaches him on the bench at one of the actual times you two are separated. "What do you think about a Poly relationship?"

"Why would you ask me?" He pulls down his sunglasses.

"Well, I just saw YN and asked her the same question. She said if both parties are okay then it shouldn't be a problem." Namjoon snorts but Hoseok looked serious.

"Fuck off, Hobi. I'm not sharing this time." He pushes back his sunglasses and Hoseok just nods.

They've had their fair share of threesomes but a poly relationship is just ridiculous.

"I just wanna know if the rummors are true." He finally sighs. "They say she's freak in bed and that she's gold standard, a female version of you. It was only when stupid Stacy insulted her clothes that she started showing off what she had and I was unlucky enough that you beat me to her." Namjoon scoffs again. "I'm cashing in the favor." Namjoon gets up and walks away from Hoseok.

He owed Hoseok a favor back when he had to coverup for Namjoon when his parents made a surprise visit while he had two women in bed.

"I know its a huge ask but if you could just ask YN." Hoseok chases after him.

"Ask YN what?" Your voice makes them freeze and turn to the side and awkwardly smile.

"Nothing, babe. Should we grab some coffee?" Hoseok glares. Namjoon's never called you babe and it shows at how your brow raised at him.

"Are you coming with?" You ask Hoseok which turns his glare into a grin.

He tags along your coffee date and Namjoon was having none of it. He blocked Hoseok off every chance he got.

When you were seated in a more secluded booth, Hoseok clears his throat.

"Don't." Namjoon speaks first but you frown and urge Hoseok to finish.

"I was just asking Namjoon..." Hoseok actually looked, nervous? "Well, you and I have been chatting for a while now."

"You have?" This is news to Namjoon, but he shouldn't care, right?

"Well anyways, I know you're not dating and now even exclusive, given that Namjoon was making out and eent to his room with Cass the other night." Namjoon's jaw cleanches.

"You have?" You threw back his question and all he could do was raise an eyebrow and so did you.

"Well, what I was saying—" Hoseok starts again.

"If you wanted to fuck, you could've just asked me." You finally spit. Pissed that Namjoon had his tongue down someone's throat while you were brushing off Hoseok. "No need to ask Namjoon." There was spite in your words. "Like you said, we aren't exclusive."

When your order was served you picked up your Americano and stood up.

"I'm going home to finish my thesis." You announce to the both of them. "Come by later?"

"Yeah."

"Sure."

They both answered at the same time which ended in a glaring contest.

You shrug and leave, your heart was pounding at the though of Namjoon touching another woman, but its not like you were dating. All you do is fuck in different angles.

Maybe Hoseok will do you good. Even out the playing field, because right now, you feel betrayed.

"YN. Wait up." Hoseok was chasing behind you.

Namjoon on the other hand was left alone with his thoughts, he made the mistake with Cass at the party the other day because he was pissed that you chose to go out with Shayne than spend the night with him.

He hopes that if you fuck Hoseok, you'd realize the same thing he did when he fucked Cass who sounded like a dying whale. It's that nobody compares to what you two had.

Now Hoseok gets a taste of that, what if Hoseok does better than Namjoon did? Fuck. He needed a drink and its only noon.

He decides to head home for the rest of the day.

At dinner, Jin calls everyone for some steak that his dad dropped off earlier. Namjoon was last one out of his room.

"Where's Hoseok?" Jin asks and they all look at each other and shrugged.

Namjoon clenches his jaw and sighs. They look at him knowing he knew something.

"YN found out about Cass, Hoseok took his shot." Yoongi drops his fork on his plate while everyone else shook their heads.

Unlike your first encounter with Namjoon, Hoseok takes you out to dinner first and made sure people knew about it by posting it on his instagram.

The group sees the photo and nobody speaks. Everyone eats in silence.

"But why didn't you say anything?" Jin finally says what's on their minds. "When Hoseok exposed you, you could have apologized or even half assed deny it."

"You could've said 'she didn't mean anything, I didn't think, she was nothing compared to you' anything but you just sat there." Jimin was angrily eating his food. "How dumb can you be?"

"To be fair, they were just hooking up." Jungkook defends Namjoon and they all glare at him.

"Yeah, Kook's right. We were just hooking up." But he's grown an attachment, he couldn't even fuck Cass right. And it him who insisted on a condom since you're the only person he's fucked raw in the university.

You and Hoseok had a pretty good... Date? He did all the talking and you just nodded along, you don't even have the right to be hurt when he told you about Namjoon.

Maybe its best to direct your emotions elsewhere.

"Do you wanna come over?" You ask Hoseok as he was in the middle of explaining something.

Hoseok was too excited with the invite and immediately asked for the check. You've been having drinks all night and it was enough to dull your judgement.

You ask Hoseok to drive your car to your place, you lead him to your apartment.

"Tequila?" You ask him as he makes himself comfortable on your couch. He nods with a grin on his face.

You take out the tequila, some salt and you have some cut up lemons that Shayne keeps in your fridge.

You set the mood with some RnB music, you took one shot before heading towards Hoseok. You fill two shots and hand him his, you clink you glasses and take the shot.

"Now, tell me. Why me?" Hoseok leans back on the couch, his legs wide open. He told you about the rummors he's heard and assures you that none of it was from Namjoon. You'd figure that Namjoon kept you a secret. "If you're such a bigshot, why not go for all the other women who haven't slept with your friend?"

"Namjoon was just lucky he beat me to you." Hoseok takes another shot. "But when I saw him with Cass, I knew you weren't as serious as everyone makes you out to be."

You hum and decide to speed things up, you put some salt on your tongue and pick up the bottle then proceed to sit on Hoseok's lap. You pour some tequila in your mouth and put your lips on his, spitting the tequila mixed with the salt into him.

"Fuck that was hot." You notice the tequila drip down his neck and you decide to lap it up. "Fuckkkkkkk." He groans.

You take a swig at the tequila and stand up, you take his hand to drag him into the game room. He follows you like a lost puppy.

"Hoseok, do you trust me?" At this point Hoseok is off his rockers and just nods. "Good."

You take him into the room and push him on the bed, you pass him the bottle of tequila and he takes a good gulp beforr lying back down. You rid yourself of your shirt and so does he, following your every move until you're both naked.

You walk to the closet and open it just enough for you to reach in a grab what you needed.

"Close your eyes." You whisper and he obliges. You blindfold him.

He lets out a shaky breath and you smile, it's been a while since you had a sub. You reach from beneath the bed and cuff both his wrists on the upper bed posts.

"Fuck, I knew you were freaky." He chuckled but you didn't.

"You have no idea." You sit on his dick but not letting him in yet. "Your safe word, is Red, and if you need to rest, say Orange. Got that?" He nods. "Use your words."

"Yes." You're on fire for being dominant again. "Please touch me." Was all he could say before you start kissing him again.

You kissed his jawline, down his throat and start nipping at his skin. He flinches at every bite, when your lips reach his dick he started begging.

You take him in your mouth and he starts moaning, Asking you not to stop. You blow him for a couple more minutes until your jaw begins to hurt and you pull off him. His hands try to reach you but they can't.

You take out a condom from the drawer and roll it on him.

"Hey, Hoseok?" You ask coyly. He groans in response as you roll the condom down his shaft. "What do you think about a threesome, right now?"

You asked him the question because you're sure enough he won't satisfy you for tonight. You need Namjoon.

"I want you all to myself tonight. Please." You chuckle. "Please."

His dick was throbbing, it looked painful. You decide to ease him up by slowly descending on him.

"Holy Fuck. Let me see you." Scrape your nails down his chest and he hisses.

"Say please." You whisper and he follows your command.

The moment you take of the blindfold you start moving your hips, he throws his head back in pleasure. You start moaning but let's face it. He didn't stretch you like Namjoon did, you him to command you like Namjoon does but he just laid there and took what was given to him.

You unlock his cuffs and all he did was place his hands on your hips, no spanking, no grabbing, nothing.

Still, you rode him with your best. You had a reputation to keep up.

He takes it up an notch and flips you two over, not its getting interesting. He starts pounding into you with all he's got and you try to keep the proper facial expressions.

A couple of minutes later he starts cumming into the condom and you had to fake it.

Namjoon truly had ruined you for other men. Your mind was occupied with Namjoon and how he could've fucked you tonight.

Hoseok rolls off you and you get up to grab a robe and smoke in the balcony without saying a word.

He joins you after a couple of minutes, he was grinning like an idiot and you had to laugh.

"That was fun." You take a drag of your cifarette.

You were glad that Hoseok volunteers to leave and said he was meeting some friends at a club and even invited you but you said you're tired.

You take a shower to wash Hoseok's scent off you. You decide against your better judgement.

Namjoon was in his room, watching porn on his phone when your message popped up.

From YN: Make me cum.

That was a he needed to throw on a shirt and sprint to his car.

He didn't care if you decided to sleep with Hoseok, because you texted him in the middle of the night asking for help and that was enough for him to know that nobody would compare to him.

He already knows how to let himself into your home. He stops by the living room, noticing the to glasses on the table.

You did have someone over, and he knew it was Hoseok, one of the shot glasses was upside down it was a habit of his.

Namjoon takes off his shirt as he nears the game room, dropping it somewhere down the hall. The door was open, he saw the cuffs were used and the blind fold was there. But the asshole didn't even bother to properly throw the condom in the bin and and just left it on the floor.

He sees you, standing in your robe, another cigarette betweek your fingers staring out over the balcony. Why was he already hard? Damn it.

You were too deep in though to notice Namjoon's presence, but you didn't flinch when he grabs you by the hair and pulls you to his chest.

He takes a deep inhale, he loved the scent of your bodywash and was glad he didn't have to fuck you when you smelled like Hoseok. Although it would be satisfying to have him watch how to properly fuck you.

Namjoon bites your neck and you moan, that turned you on more than anything you did with Hoseok.

Namjoon bends you over, your hands on the bannister, you feel his dick on your ass. He runs a finger on your pussy but you were already wet from one bite.

"Please." Was all you had to say again before he rams himself inside you making you moan again.

Fuck this felt right for both you and Namjoon. He was pounding hard into you, your legs started to buckle when Namjoon smacks your ass making you lock your knees.

"Did he fuck you like this?" His voice hoarse.

"No, not—even—close." You said in between thrusts.

You were a moaning mess. Namjoon had used the cuffs on you as he fucked you senseless.

You've already cum twice since he arrived, and at that moment you knew that only Kim Namjoon could pleasure you like this.

He's been using more of your toys, right now, he's got your arms tied above your head while you ride him a gag in your mouth, yet you're so wet and so hungry for him.

"How about we make a call?" Namjoon asks. He's got your phone in his hand. "Hoseok would like to know how you're doing?" He shows you the message you just received. "Should we call him back here?" You shake your head. "How about a photo, showing him who owns you."

Just then your phone rings, you stop riding but that just earned you a big slap in the ass.

"He wants to facetime. How cute." You didn't protest when he answered the call and just followed his orders of you riding him.

"Namjoon?" Hoseok is confused. "Why do you have YN's phone?"

"Oh... Well YN can't come to the phone right now." He chuckles and bites his lip at your disheveled look. "I came to check in on her when you left, she looked a little sad so I thought I'd lift her mood."

Namjoon flips the camera to show you and how he hoists you above him. Hoseok's eyes go wide.

"Namjoon be gentle." Namjoon snorts.

"Oh Hoseok, she loves it. Don't you, baby?" He lowers you on his cock again and you moan and nod at the same time.

Your breathing was ragged, you hair is all over the place, drool dripping down your tits, its like something out of a porno.

Hoseok couldn't believe you were the same woman he fucked earlier. Hoseok abruptly ends the call.

"Oh. He didn't even say bye." Namjoon finally takes off the gag and spreads your saliva all over your lips. "You're mine." He whispers before kissing you deeply and thrusting in you.

A few more thrusts and you feel his cum fill you up. He unties you, your arms falling over his shoulders. He holds you like that for a while.

Once your breathing is back to normal, he picks you up and runs you a bath, he lowers you into the warm water and he joins behind you.

This is probably the most intimate, non-sexual thing you've both done. You sit in the water dragging your loofa slowly across your arms.

"YN." He whispers. "I'm sorry, I can't even make and excuse about Cass." He wraps his arms around your torso. "I know Hoseok was just revenge and I deserve that. Let's not do that again." He nuzzles his head on your neck, all you could do was nod.

It's not like you could do it again, by all means Hoseok was not horrible and if you had met him before Namjoon, you could've liked him. But like he said, he was unlucky that Namjoon got to you first.

----

After that night, Namjoon had his mind closed. He didn't even talk to other women, he was stuck to your side, he now even has clothes in your apartment. Other than fucking, he's taken you out on dates to museums, parks, even libraries because he knows how much you love to read.

You're now both pretty vocal about your relationship. Now nearing graduation, your parents calls you out of the blue, the day you dreaded has come.

"What if I say no?" You tell your mom.

"Just go on the date, YN, if it doesn't workout then we'll leave you alone." Your mother knew how you felt about how the rich set their kids up for marriage.

The thought of you with another man makes your stomach churn, you decide against telling Namjoon about tonight but all he said was he had plans too.

You pick out an 'okay' dress and makeup. With your cigarettes, phone, cash and cards in your purse you head to the venue.

A blind date, of your possible husband. You just have to sit through dinner tonight. Your mind drifts to Namjoon, you wonder what he does when you're not around.

Shayne says that what you two have is not healthy, he hurts you and you let him. But what he doesn't know is that after all the pain, he kisses them away. He doesn't boss you in public or even humiliate you in any way. Instead he adores you, he supports you, he shows you off at school events or even on social media now.

You wait for your date, you're early so you decide to sit by the balcony and asked the waiter if you can smoke. Hopefull, your date hates smokers so you can cut the short date and go home to Namjoon.

You stare out over the balcony, when a hand wraps around yours and takes your cigarette. You look up, as if the world is in slow motion. Namjoon smirks at you as he takes a drag.

"Namjoon..." He takes the seat across you.

"What do you say? Marry me?" Your breath gets knocked out of your chest.

You couldn't hold back your smile, you bit your lip and you both start giggling.

"For a second, I refused to go but my parents insisted. Just one dinner, and if sucks I can go." He gives you a warm smile. "Then I saw you."

You both decide to accept your parents' proposal of marriage but not so soon. You both wanted to start your careers first but knowing you'd see each other at the end of each tunnel is probably worth it.

At the end of the day, you can never resist Kim Namjoon.

-END-

Hope you guys enjoyed it.

#bts smut #bts fic #bts au fanfic #bts namjoon #bts rm #bts rm fanfic #bts college au #bts jhope #fanfic

92 notes · View notes