#alright back to the algorythm ones

[alienposadismo]

Chapter 18 of SD:aATP is up on Ao3! Also work is a PAINNNNN~

Phew, that was a doozy... still, it was good enough for my beta reader to say, and I (loosely) quote: "I prefer this version of Aoi over canon!Taro 😭", so that's a guarantee that this was a damn good chapter. And a chonker too, at around 6k words or so.

OOC spoiler below, not for this chapter, but for the very next one. Why the sudden switcheroo?

Fem!Okita from that one Gintama episode is just that MMMPF~

[time-variance-archive]

What Sylvie (and Sylki) means to me.

Before I start this probably long post, I'd like to start with a disclaimer. This post is about my personal life experiences. If you don't relate or think I am reaching, you are probably right. This is not meant to be an objective analysis of the show or the character, and my experiences are not universal (neither are they interesting, but I guess I'm in an oversharing mood today).

When I was in high school, I fell in love with a boy and we quickly start a very passionate and serious relationship. I was an only child and not very sociable, he had a large family and was making friends easily, so I ended up becoming very dependant to him (I also had a lot of mental issues back then and wasn't always the nicest person). I know I became a toxic partner to him and he ended up leaving me after 5 years. My whole life was shattered, I had very few friends and had no idea how to make new ones (fortunately his friends didn't let me down and he did his best to make sure I would be alright). My whole purpose in life, marrying him and having his children, was now just a dream. I would never go back to my old life. For a little bit over a year, I would spend my day in a foggy state, crying all the time and unable to concieve the idea I would have a future.

My timeline (at least the only purpose I had given myself) had been reduced to nothing and my whole thoughts were haunted by the same questions. Why didn't I do better ? How did I became this toxic PoS in the most wonderful person's life ? In other words, what was my Nexus event ?

So when I saw Sylvie on screen, I saw younger me. A ghost living on stolen time, with no purpose and future. Except Sylvie had someone else to blame and a purpose of her own.

Now Sylki is, for me, a love story about two poeple who where kicked from their own lives and learn to create a new timeline, somewhere where they belong. TVA Loki doesn't belong to the main MCU timeline anymore. He's been replaced by a copy of himself (like I have been replaced by someone else). But instead of being a curse, for him it's a blessing. He won't be the one dying in Thanos' hands. His Nexus event gave him a chance to live a new life full of new friends (and maybe see his Thor again ?).

Together, Sylvie and Loki have created a whole new timeline where they belong, a timeline so powerful it created a glitch in the TVA's algorythm (see ep4). Many poeple are lost in life. I think all of us had a Nexus event at some point, even an insignifiant and mundane one like mine, but opening to each other and making new friends is how we create our own purpose, and our own timeline.

That's what Sylvie and Sylki mean to me, but maybe it means something completely different to you ? Maybe Lokius makes something special to you ? Or another MCU ship ? Stories all have a life of their own in our heads and it's what makes them precious.

[thenextbestthingtoleslie]

Lets talk about dating apps, the end game of a dating app is to remain on the app. They dont want you to be happy, if your happy you leave the app and they lose a customer. They all seem to claim to have some speical algorythm to find you the perfect partner but then you look through your options and they're never good, its just a fantastic marketing strategy you think "ahoy this is great takes all the work out of it" because it is hard work going to the bar dealing with the whole ordeal of trying to get someones number for a date this way its easy you can just sit back and they'll deliver the people to me its like meals on wheels. But like some kind of bizaro version where you only get the shit resturants that no one wants its like the red rooster of dating...then you look whos actually on these apps they're never blue chip stock nine times out of ten your dling with pink sheets and that one in ten that seems alright has what i call the teacher effect, now everyone knows the teacher effect in some form or another its where theres that one teacher at school that outside of the school would probably be a strong 6 - light 7 but because the quality of fish in the school staff arent exactly top shelf that person is boosted to a strong 10 and that same effect happens online you see someone who doesnt repulse you and oh boy you better bet they look like the next best thing to leslie but these are people who you wouldnt even consider talking to at the bar but you see that little picture from 10 years ago and your told they're matched specifically for you and you look at and think eh what the hell. Then there you are on a date with this person who looks nothing like they're picture and all you can think is "THIS is the best i can get? It seems i've underestimated how attractive i am"

[escrituralibre]

thirteen minutes on ‘working class’ for Tamasha Theatre 18/9/20

Being working class means you are as far away from power as possible, at least in the current marriage of capitalism and democracy

Being white and working class gives you a sense that that lack of power is a result of something.

The Government will tell you that your lack of power is a result of ‘others’. Anyone different to them, anyone different to you.

When you have injustice and anger in your heart, because life is hard and there isn’t anyone to help you; in a world where it’s dog-eat-dog, and ‘every man for himself’, you will want to do whats best for you and your family

Doing what’s best for you and you family means someone else is going to have to go without

Let’s be honest, when you’re struggling to put food on the table, do you have the capacity to care for people coming to this country on boats. You don’t know their names, you don’t know what they’ve been through, all you know is that in the last decade you’ve watched your home town go to shit.

You’ve watched industries close down, buisnesses go bankrupt. You’re hungry, jobless and you feel undervalued, worthless, angry and frustrated. You have been told by the establishment that if we want to tackle this problem we need to vote for Brexit, we need to shut our countries boarders. If you vote for socialism then things will be even worse.

It’s been so long you don’t even remember what a Labour government was like

Wasn’t Tony Blair labour? He was a war criminal. Boris Johnson went to Eton, he’s been primed for this role his whole life. His dad was an MP wasn’t he? And he was on I’m a Celebrity and Toff fancied him, which means he’s alright doesn’t it?

If you have no money then you have no power

What is power? Power is the ability to make a difference; to influence, to be listened to

Power means you can do what you want

Power means you don’t have to follow the rules, but get to make sure that everyone else is following the rules.

Rules are made to be broken, broken ribs of journalists facing the wrath of BJ

Lies and propaganda, scapegoats and misdirection.

Algorythms and analytics and data and preditions and campaigning and pomp and circus and character and charisma

I can’t quite understand how people consider Boris Johnson charasmatic. Witty, sure, amusing? In a catastrophic way, maybe, but certainly not charasmatic.

As for Michael Gove, he looks like a melted foot

but they’re British and they want what’s best for Britain. They speak and I listen, I don’t want to live like this anymore. I feel trapped, I’m strangled by my economic situation. There is no ladder I can climb, no opportunity to grab hold of, the schools have no money and when I go to the hospital I have to queue for hours before I get the help I need

Can we remember a better time? What did it look like? What do I want from life? If I could change anything what would I change?

he would kick all the forigners out their jobs and give them back to British people. he’d close the boarders to stop the spread of corona, and people who don’t pay tax claming on benefits.

He’d open back up the industry; the mines. Even though it was the Conservatives that closed them in the first place

Do people really understand what Marxism is? I have a couple of lines I could throw at you that elude to extreme forms of socialism, but I haven’t ever studied the politics of of of Karl Marx.

Fairness is getting what we want all the time, right?

Or at least, that’s what we secretly wish fairness was.

I’m angry, I’m frustrated, and I turn my rage against, not the system, but the enemies of the state

the state speaks and I listen

the state demands and I obey

where do they stand on wearing masks to protect other people? civil liberties in lockdown? what about corona and 5G? Are we seeing a rise in conspiracy theories? Or are people just bored and have nothing else to talk about? Maybe it’s both

It seems recently that the conspiracy theories are all jumbling into one, as if there is one giant conspiracy theory that is governing every action. 

[perfectionisticpercussionis-blog]

10/9/18- Fall Concert

This school year has just been full of disappointments for me, and the first term isn’t even over yet. I feel like I just bombed the concert. I know that I just bombed the concert. I already cried about it so hopefully all my tears over this have been shed.

The percussion ensemble went well. I feel like I nailed my part to that and really got into the groove of it like we were all trying for. We purposely wanted to move/dance a bit to the beat as we played, which is really hard for me to do while playing the bells, but I was able to bob my head along so I feel okay about that.

Then things went downhill. The first band song I played is Algorythms (Gary Fagan) and I had the snare part. I was doing okay for the first fourth of the song. I’m not really sure what threw me off, because of all the Symphonic songs I had I really felt that was the one I had mastered, but I ended up getting off and I had to stop in the middle of a drum heavy area to get back on and ended up sounding like an idiot who didn’t know their part. Then in the last half, I started rushing. I was nearly a full beat ahead of the band! Then it ended and I, already feeling crushed for disappointing myself, had to run across the stage for the next song.

This song was The Haunted Carousel (Erika Svanoe) and I had the theremin part (played on an iPad, we’re not fancy enough to have an actual theremin to play). I did alright on this one. I never got lost and always knew what I was supposed to be doing, though I hit a couple wrong notes because it’s hard to be sliding your finger across a screen and hoping you’re hitting the right keys while you’re reading the music, because it’s hard to look at both the screen and the music.

Then there was Toccata For Band (Frank Erickson). Again I played snare on this. It started out well. I was doing pretty good, and then I guess I got lost during the second half on the odd-timed rolls and ended up messing up the entire section and awkwardly rolling through at least eight bars, instantly wishing that I was doing something other than making a fool of myself. I somehow managed to recover for the end of the song.

It was this point that SB was done with their songs, but I played a song with WE as well, and there’s still a full band song. I walked off the stage to wait for WE to play their first songs to join in on the third one, and I’m trembling and trying not to start crying because I didn’t want to cause a scene or make anyone feel bad about our performance, but of course, I cried anyway. The other percussionists all told me I did great but clearly, they either weren’t listening or were lying to me. The band director noticed by this point that I’m in tears over this (I’m tearing up again writing this) and tells me we’ll talk about it later but to pull myself together because we’re “in the fourth quarter” because he likes his basketball comparisons. So now (and still) dreading some kind of serious talk where I’ll start crying because I always cry over everything and we’ll talk about how much I feel like I suck and don’t belong in the band because I’m not good enough for WE but am absolutely beyond miserable in SB (like, to the point of anxiety attacks during rehearsals which of course I haven’t told anyone about because I don’t want to seem overly dramatic). On top of that, I keep feeling like I’m the worst percussionist in the group and an absolute shit musician.

I did okay on the other two songs but got lost twice in the WE song.

But why do I keep trying at these things when I only end up disappointing myself? I told myself this was my chance to prove to myself that I am a good musician and that I deserve to be in WE, yet even with over an hour every other day of just practicing band stuff I still bombed the concert like the screw-up I clearly am and only proved that I am not good enough for WE. 

I feel like that’s all I ever do anymore. I tried out for band counsel every year and desperately wanted to make it in (it had been a goal since I joined the band in 7th grade) and didn’t get that. I wanted to get a full-ride scholarship, and instead I discovered that despite how many times I retake it and how long and hard I study that I will never get higher than a 25 on the ACT. And now this. The only senior in Symphonic Band and I can’t even play the music. I just wish for once that I could not be a screw up for five seconds and do something right.