#already thinking about which way to get the dia necessary without spending to much

[cryptidm0ths]

things that cause me genuine pain

[softluci]

aggressive affection (round two!)

[ part two of this, with the now dateables. guess which one(s) i have a crush on—i am actually so embarrassed because i'm getting shy trying to write this, but it's a must that i put this into the universe. if you want to read this first, rather than the one with the brothers, here is the preface: ] 

i’m not sure if this is something unique to younger people, but i am one hundred percent sure that younger people do it a lot, just going off of the behavior of my friends and i. (i’m gonna tell you now that this isn’t entirely sfw, so minors dni please and thank u)

but i’ve found that it’s pretty common for friends to be, like, aggressively affectionate with one another, for lack of a better phrase. if not aggressively affectionate, then just really flirtatious, often for no reason, and it is still meant entirely in a platonic sense. some examples of this that i have experienced include, but are not limited to:

“i’m gonna eat you,” “do u wanna make out,” “just remember, no matter WHAT happens, i will ALWAYS wanna make out with you,”  “i have literally wanted to fuck all of you at some point,” “let’s have sex,” “stfu before i kiss you,” [points to lap] “is this seat taken?” “every day i’m like, ‘wow, [name] is so cool, we should make out,’” and so on and so forth. 

so you can imagine the fun i’m about to have.

dia

you—why did you—look. 

dia is a very nice, social guy; very smiley, you guys get along great, that's great! 

he is still very much a demon (the prince of them, in fact)  and very much not one of your friends from the human world, no matter how much he wants you to treat him as such. 

you should've known better. 

he'd invited you to the castle for tea and a nice chat—a regular occurrence between the two of you so that he could see how you were doing, how the program was going, talk about lucifer, play catch up; nothing out of the ordinary. 

he complimented you on your performance thus far, telling you about how well you've done—which was just standard kindness—so would you like to explain to the class why your immediate response was, “so kiss me then,” ? 

he was totally fine with it, but he was also very confused, so it was only fair that he pulled you into his lap to get a better understanding of what you meant. if you do the math, it adds up, i swear. 

luckily, you don’t even have to explain yourself with this one because it seems like he already knows. this is good because, given his proximity to you at that moment, you wouldn’t have done a good job explaining yourself anyway. 

“is this how you talk to your human friends?” 

it was a simple question, with a simple answer, it’s just that you were nose-to-nose, and his eyes were hooded all of a sudden and his hand was cupping the side of your face so, naturally, you had some difficulty forming words—fortunately, you managed to nod instead of embarrassing yourself by trying to talk. 

“and do they ever do what you ask?” 

again, it would’ve been foolish of you to try and speak, so you just shook your head. you were doing a surprisingly nice job of maintaining your dignity, well done! this is nice compensation for the fact that you seemed to forget you were dealing with the demon of demons, but he was kind enough to remind you—

“well, i’m not one of them, so i’ll do as you say. you don’t mind, right?” 

do you have a saving grace with this man? meh. he doesn’t want to do anything in front of the others, but he can literally go somewhere private with you under the guise of wanting to talk. it’s not like anyone is gonna tell him he can’t. 

barbatos

you don’t make any sense. you watched black butler know that he’s the scariest person in the devildom, why did you think you could do this? he might be a menace not too far underneath that professional exterior, but that doesn’t mean you have to fuck around and find out. or maybe that’s exactly what that means. 

all he did was bring you tea. he saw you sitting in the castle’s library doing schoolwork—dia offered to let you study there to enjoy some quiet that you wouldn’t have gotten at the house, and because you aren’t one to forgo such a kind gesture, you accepted. 

he set it down on the table in front of you, much to your surprise. 

“oh, thank you! you really didn’t have to,” you said, looking up at him from your seat. 

“nonsense,” he started, smiling softly, “you’ve been working hard.”

you, for whatever reason, took this as an opportunity to pretend barbatos was one of your human friends. 

“you shouldn’t say that unless—” 

that’s all he let you say. what you were going to say was, “you shouldn’t say that unless you plan on making out with me.” trouble was, he already knew that. you must have forgotten who you were talking to. 

before you could finish, his hand was under your chin, and his other hand was resting on the arm of your chair, effectively caging you in, and effectively keeping you from looking away. 

his smile went from benevolent to teasing meaning you got the menace you wanted, as he asked,“unless what?” 

he took more joy in your flustered state than he would care to admit, but he’d recently learned that you had an affinity for trying to catch people off guard, so he thought it was more than fair to do the same to you—as a treat, for him. 

that said, it’s no surprise that you had to endure relentless teasing, him asking you what you wanted from him, why you were so shy all of a sudden, telling you not to be shy and that he wouldn’t bite, unless you asked nicely. what? he liked how warm your face made his hand. 

“what’s wrong? don’t you want to kiss me?” 

okay. that was the last straw. you never even hinted that you didn’t wanna kiss this man, and here he was, making assumptions about you as a person. 

you, in your infinite confidence and assertive nature, said, “i—i never said i didn’t want to.” 

and you know what, you really showed him because even though he laughed at you, even though he made a show of taking off his gloves, even though his hand moved from the arm of the chair to your thigh—even though he took every necessary step to remind you that he was in control, you still got what you wanted. and then some. 

your only saving grace with him is the fact that he breathes professionalism and he’s always busy. when he isn’t busy, however. well. 

simeon

you goddamn heathen. oh, you fucking freak. simeon has a reputation to uphold, you can’t treat him like one of your heathen little human friends, which means you can’t just say whatever pops into your head when you’re talking to him, which means—you should really learn to take compliments normally. 

simeon is a nice guy, and he likes you a lot, so it only makes sense that he compliments you whenever he can. in other words, he dishes out anywhere from one to four compliments whenever the two of you are together. he can’t help it, he just thinks you’re neat! 

the fact remains that you chose to be a menace to the angelic persona he is supposed to project at all times. 

it was a simple compliment. he enjoyed spending time with you, and he told you so, just telling you that your presence was a pleasant one. 

your response was actually normal—it was a simple, “i like being around you too!” 

in a way, this is simeon’s fault, if you think about it. he could’ve just said, “thank you,” and kept it pushing, but instead, he said, “really?”

why would he think you didn’t like being around him? that was unacceptable, so, really, what choice did you have but to give him the most solid affirmation he would ever hear? 

“of course! every day, i’m like, ‘wow, simeon is so cool, we should make out,’ you know?”

what you were expecting was for him to blush and laugh it off, call you silly, and maybe pat your head for good measure. that was a reasonable thing to expect, albeit that is not even close to what you got. 

since you were being so casual, simeon figured that he could—that he should—do the same. it was only natural that he stop being a model angel for a little while, right? 

oh, don’t look so flustered, it’s not like you’ve never been backed against a wall before. how many times has a demon done this to you? it’s only fair that an angel gets a turn. 

“actually,” he started, lips already brushing against yours as he spoke. “i don’t know. would you mind showing me?” 

if you are, understandably, too flustered to function, he will gladly make the first move, don’t worry, but if his first move happens to be taking your bottom lip between his teeth instead of kissing you, well… there’s not much you’re going to be able to do about it, so you may as well just enjoy. 

i mean, you tempt an angel, and you get what’s coming to you—that’s all there is to it. 

similar to barbatos, you will only be safe from this man when he’s in public or around a few of the others. if you’re alone with him and in private, he’s already under the impression that he doesn’t have to be an angel with you, so find joy in the side of him you’ve uncovered. 

solomon (derogatory)

you two deserve each other, really. both of you are public enemies. he was just as terrible as your friends from back home, except he was always walking the line like a tightrope. he was always on the verge of making his teasing into a reality, and to be quite frank, you were starting to get fed up—and you were right to be. but this is what you get for being a dirty solomon enjoyer. 

all of his empty threats and demands about kissing you, his lingering touches on your lower back or waist or thighs, his dumb little smirks on his dumb little face, his occasional bites wherever you were vulnerable, his habit of putting his hand around your throat for fun (or so he says)—those all came with the territory. he hasn’t had a friend to tease in ages (he can’t do it to asmo without it immediately turning into an hour long event), so you get it all at once, congratulations! 

don’t look so upset, he’s an attractive guy, so this is still a win. 

now, all of that said, you were hard pressed to find an opportunity to catch this man off guard, but once you got your chance, you latched onto it exactly as you should’ve. 

the two of you were in his room, studying (“studying”) for an upcoming exam. he was sitting in a chair, and you were on his bed a few feet away. you needed something from your bag, which was on the side of his chair farthest from you, so you decided to walk by him to get it, like a normal person. look at you, acting regular for once.

evidently, that was a mistake. as soon as you were in front of him, his hand was on your waist, and you were pulled into his lap. 

you turned to look at him, eyebrows raised and everything, and he seemed to have an explanation ready to go, paired with one of his signature smiles.

“i was wondering when i’d get to bother you again.” 

this was your chance—probably the only chance you’d get in a while, so it made sense that you took this opportunity to be heinous, even though you were in a rather compromising position. 

“either sleep with me or leave me alone.”

you did it. for a moment, you had him. the surprise plastered on his face was enough gratification to last you a lifetime, however fleeting it may have been. unfortunately for you, he had a wonderful recovery time. 

before you could fully enjoy the look on his face, it was gone, replaced by a more sinister expression that almost made you regret your decision. 

for what it’s worth, you didn’t have to see that menacing look of his for long because he turned you away from him to press your back into his chest. if that makes you feel any better. 

“i’ll never leave you alone,” he hummed, teeth already grazing your neck. his hand moved from your waist to your inner thigh, slowly separating one leg from the other. “but you already knew that.” 

you didn’t have a saving grace with this man before, and now you never will.

[peterstanslizzie]

Re-watching Lizzie Mcguire: Episode 1.24 (Night of the Day of the Dead)

Skipping ahead to the Halloween special

- Matt and Lanny are devising a plan to collect the best candies and treats around town on Halloween Day. Lizzie interjects and suggests Matt should dress up as a troll. So, Lizzie likes to stir the pot too; I thought Matt was the only one.

- Matt asks his parents if he could borrow a wheelbarrow that he could use to collect candy but they tell him he’s not going Trick-o-treating this year. Instead, they want him to go to Lizzie’s school’s ‘Halloween Fright Night”. 

- Lizzie freaks out because she doesn’t want her little brother to ruin her night. What happened to all the progress made in their relationship before this, like in episode 1.15 (Sibling Bonds)? I guess that was just a one time thing. 

Planning Fright Night

- Kate, who is in-charge of planning ‘Halloween Fright Night’ is holding a meeting with her fellow classmates, including Lizzie, Miranda and Larry on what each person is going to be doing. Larry wants to do his ‘Darth Vader’ impression but Kate isn’t impressed.

I wish I was able to look this friendly when putting people down lol

- They move on to decorations and Miranda brings up her idea of displaying skeletons from ‘Dia de los Muertos’, which is a holiday celebrated in Mexico to remember friends and family members whom have died. This ‘Day of the Dead’ celebration begins around Halloween Day and ends a couple of days later. 

- Kate rejects her suggestion because she finds it to be lame. Lizzie backs Miranda up by saying it’s cool to bring in stuff from other countries/cultures. Everyone else in the meeting seem to agree with her as well. Kate has no other choice but to give in to the miniature skeletons. 

- Miranda also adds in a little warning to Kate to make sure she treats the skeletons well or else she will end up like that kid who made fun of spirits and was found in a coffin full of skeletons. I didn’t think it was necessary for Miranda to add that story in but go off sis. 

Kate is definitely spooked out from that story Miranda just told. 

- Lizzie wants to sign up to be ‘Vampire Mistress’ in the Dungeon of Terror. She’s been sick of wearing her mom’s old marching band uniform every year before this. Kate hesitantly co-signs with Lizzie on this but on the condition Lizzie cleans out the utility room where the dungeon will be located.  

No wonder she’s over wearing that costume. That wind instrument (Is that a tuba or a French horn?) looks like it weighs a ton. 

Kate is Not So Great

- After the meeting, Lizzie and Gordo head inside the utility room to clean it out. Lizzie thinks Gordo came in with her to lead a helping hand but he didn’t agree to such thing. She insists he should help her but he calls her out for always doing whatever Kate asks her to do. Ugh, here with go with Gordo and his anti-popularity speech again. 

- Strategically, Lizzie tells him that her cousin, Heather (I assume she’s attractive) is coming to town in the summer and she will be able to get him to go on a date with her. Who is Heather? Have we ever seen her on screen before? Anyways, I didn’t know Gordo was this girl-crazy because he suddenly wants to help Lizzie now. 

- We then get a montage of the two ‘cleaning’ the room and Lizzie goes over to Kate to inform her she’s finished. 

Now that’s a very condescending thing to do to someone

- Oh and despite doing what Kate told her to do, Kate changes her mind and tells Lizzie that she’s going to be the Vampire Mistress instead and Lizzie will now dress up as ‘Floppy the Clown’ and give out balloons. I would have popped Kate in the forehead at this point. 

- Back at the Mcguire home, Matt is doing some prep to make his own Halloween costume for the party. He wants to go as himself, but inside out like his organs and bones are exposed. If I was Jo, I wouldn’t give Matt anything from the fridge to be used as his prop/costume; She just gave him an entire bowl of perfectly delicious-looking sausages!!!

OMG, is this Sam and Jo’s first on-screen mouth-to-mouth kiss? They are honestly #couplegoals

Meet Miranda’s Parents

- The students of Hillridge Junior High are busy prepping for the upcoming party and we finally get to meet Miranda’s parents for the first time!

I love how Miranda isn’t afraid to call Kate out on her BS in front of her parents. I bet she tells them plenty of stories about Kate at home.

- Kate goes into her fake, ‘nice girl’ mode and greets them with her over-the-top innocent voice. Even when Miranda’s parents are talking to her about ‘Dia de Muertos’, she tries really hard to look interested. Side-note: this celebration sounds pretty much similar to how the Chinese pay tribute to their ancestors. We also leave out food in front of their tombstone or at least a prayer altar. 

- As soon as her parents dropped off the miniature skeletons and left, Kate demanded that Miranda take them away from the refreshments table. She even tossed them over to Miranda as if they were made of crap. Kate’s definitely being a little racist here. 

Miranda warns Kate again that messing with her ancestors will bring bad luck upon her.

- Well, it seems like Miranda’s ancestors are going to play a trick on Kate after all:

The supernatural have arrived

Time For Fright Night!

- We shift things over to the actual party and Lizzie, who is now dressed up as a clown is handing out lame un-twisted balloon animals to everyone. When it’s Matt’s turn to get a balloon, homegirl who has been mean to Matt all episode even popped his balloon right after she gave it to him. She should tone down the attitude with her brother, I’m just saying. 

That football player looks a lot older than an average middle schooler or even a high-schooler I’m just saying

- Side-note: When Lizzie said to her friends, “Can’t you guys believe Kate?!”, Gordo takes a glance at Kate and he seems to be taken aback by her beauty. He really is girl-crazy!  

- Matt is seen eating the tamale that was left as an offering to Miranda’s ancestors and this shocks Miranda. She should kinda have left a note telling people to not eat the tamale by explaining that it’s for her cultural celebration. And then it hit me; Miranda explaining to Matt about how him eating that tamale has angered her ancestors and they will be coming to wreck havoc on their world is all just an elaborate scheme to get back at Kate. 

- Plus, we all know how bad of an actress Miranda is ;)

I gotta say; Kate’s hair and make-up looks on-point. 

- Anyways, it seems like their scheme is working because Kate is believing that all the weird things happening around her is real from Matt’s lemonade changing colours to the miniature skeletons disappearing all of a sudden. On top of that, Lizzie and Miranda are definitely putting on a show in front of Kate when they are acting worried and questioning everything that has happened.  

- They even talked about Matt disappearing all of a sudden like it’s nothing. Lol, if Matt were really missing, Lizzie would freak out! But I guess Kate wasn’t wise enough to catch onto that. Gordo, on the other hand is playing the role of the level-headed guy who believes there’s a logical explanation to everything. 

Actually, this brief scene with Animated Lizzie already revealed to us that this is all just a plan. She literally said, “The truth is, if Matt did get spirited away to the realm of the dead, who’s going to be in trouble with mom and dad? Me.”

Jo and Sam’s Night In

- Since the kids are out of the house for the night, Sam and Jo are ready to spend some ‘quality time’ together after giving out candy to the neighbourhood kids. Suddenly, the doorbell rings and Sam opens the door to a kid who was just at their house getting candy like 10-15 minutes ago. 

- He demands for more candy from them but Jo gives him their chicken pot pie, which is better! But not if you are vegetarian like that kid. That little brat even threw the pie back into Sam’s face.

I would’ve wrecked that kid if it were up to me lol. 

Kate Gets Her Well-Deserved Karma But Was It Too Much?

- Things get worse (or even more fake, in my case) as they discover that Gordo is now ‘trapped’ inside a toy. Kate and Miranda argue about one bringing the skeletons to the party and the other dissing them, to the point where that toy Gordo’s trapped in falls to the ground and breaks. At this point, you’d have to be dumb to believe that Gordo was actually in that toy. 

Lizzie as a scary clown ready to bring Kate down. Hey, that rhymes.

- Lizzie bursts into the room, now all zombie-like and proceeds to walk towards Kate and call her name at the same time. Kate and Miranda is now running away from zombie-clown Lizzie and they both hide in the utility closet. Kate wants all of this to go away and so, Miranda recommends her to do a few things to get the spirits to forgive her. 

- First, she asks Kate to shower in dirt and blood but because they don’t have those at the moment, she tells her to improvise by heading over to the cafeteria to cover herself with chocolate cake and punch. We then get this iconic moment:

Lizzie and co. really likes getting Kate wet or dirty huh? 

- Without thinking, Kate’s just doing everything Miranda asks her to do and was even going to apologize to Lizzie. But finally, she finally realises what’s actually going on. Even Miranda’s parents were in on the prank. 

At this point, that’s just public humiliation. I feel so bad for Kate. Lizzie and Miranda really made an overkill this time around. I mean, what Kate did was bad but I don’t think this is the way to go about it. They are lucky she didn’t go Carrie on them.

- The episode ends with Sam and Jo about to play their own prank on the vegetarian kid but when the doorbell rings again, it is Miranda’s parents whom were on the other side of the door and unfortunately, they are sprayed with a water hose and tossed with oats. 

Jo says, “We thought you were trick-or-treaters!” and Mrs. Sanchez replies, “I see, we give them candy at our house”. That dialog is hilarious!

Overall Thoughts

- The highlights of this episode to me were two things; The costumes and the prank on Kate. Lizzie and Kate looked great in their costumes and the Skeleton bride and groom looked awesome as well. And it’s really smart for them to incorporate ‘Dia de los Meurtos’ into this episode, which lended a lot of background and meaning to this Halloween story. I just watched Coco last month and I was proud of myself for knowing how much this celebration means to Mexicans. 

- The message of this episode is also pretty strong, which is to respect other people’s cultures and traditions. Kate was pretty ignorant and closed-minded in this episode. And although I don’t agree with the public humiliation she’s experienced, I do hope that Kate or those cut from the same cloth as her would learn to think twice before being disrespectful.

- Jo and Sam’s storyline was short and sweet. I actually love seeing those two all lovey-dovey with one another. Overall, I really enjoyed this episode; It’s certainly re-watchable and a great 20 minutes to spend watching on Halloween. 

[emotionsofthesoul]

Chapter 16 _ Hoy Es El Dia!

A few weeks into the month the girls had gotten into a busy routine. Juliana with work and her portfolio while Valentina was busy most afternoons shooting in the studio. For the most part the girls saw each other in the evenings when they each arrived home. They decided to stay at the downtown loft making it easier for Juliana to get to and from work.

Juliana’s presentation was set for the Monday before thanksgiving so as the holiday approached her stress peeked. Valentina had made sure Juliana was eating properly since she would spend most of the evenings trying to perfect her designs.

In the past weeks since they moved into the city Juliana had kept in touch with her father and he made sure she had everything she needed to prepare for school. He was completely on board with her decision to take control of her life and do what her heart desired which was to be a designer. He had gotten a better paying job and they were now getting enough money to support themselves and be able to save up. Chino decided to set aside money for Juliana in case she ever needed it. They had also spoken about getting Juliana her own apartment the following month. Her mother had yet to speak a single word to her but her father continued to tell her to keep her hopes up reiterating that hope is always the last thing to die.

As the day of the presentation came Juliana prepared all her designs both on paper and the physical ones. She decided to wear one of her pieces in order to feel more relaxed on the day of.

“Today is the day babe, you ready? I’ll drive you because I know you’re nervous and I want to be there for you when you come out.” Valentina said as she served the two of them breakfast. 

Mondays were her days off so she made sure to wake up early on this particular one in order make sure Juliana ate something before leaving. They had become very accustomed to each other and they learned to take great care of one another without having to speak out when words were not necessary.

-

“Welcome, what are you presenting today?” A man in a black Gucci suit asked Juliana.

“I am presenting 13 of my best sketches and 5 handmade pieces.” Juliana said confident in her work.

A ginger woman next to the man looked Juliana up and down, as Juliana stood next to her work, and asked, “Who are you wearing?”

Juliana stood up straighter and answered, “This is an original piece. I made it myself.”

The woman nodded her head and wrote something on her notes.

After a few more questions from the round table, Renata finally spoke and asked, “Why would you like a spot in our academy and why do you deserve it?”

The question caught Juliana off guard but she instantly knew how to respond.

“I would like a spot in this academy’s first batch of students because I believe in its message and the direction it wants to head. I believe this can be the beginning of the change the owner wants to make in this city. I think I would be a great candidate because I am dedicated to my craft and ready to face any challenges thrown my way. I’ve always had to problem solve my way through every piece I’ve made and I think my persistence can be useful for this academy as well as my perspective. I have been in love with fashion and design since I was a little girl and have always know this is what I was meant to do. It’s a goal I’ve actively been working towards since the age of 10 despite my parents not supporting this dream.” Juliana said passionately.

The round table wrote down their thoughts and ratings to Juliana’s work before thanking Juliana for her presentation saying they would let her know in the following weeks.

Off she went with the hope in her heart that this would work out for her. She had grown to love this city and the people who helped her fall in love with it, including Renata. Juliana knew Valentina thought she already had this in the bag but she did’t want to slack off. She wanted to earn her place, not just get it because she is dating Renata’s sister in law. She had worked her butt off to get to where she is today and that was not about to change just because she was dating someone with influence.

After the presentation Valentina took Juliana out for lunch at Crepeville down the street from the loft. They hadn’t been out in a while and Valentina insisted that it was time to celebrate. Her gallery was coming up and she wanted to celebrate both of their recent accomplishments. Life had been hectic lately and they agreed that they deserved a break and lunch was a great way to start.

“How are you feeling post your amazing presentation?” Valentina asked as the girls sat outside at a table waiting for their lunch.

Juliana smiled and responded, “I’m actually feeling really good. I feel like I’ve worked hard for this and I gave all my answers honestly so even if I don’t get it at least I know I gave it my best.”

Valentina gave Juliana a look that told Juliana there was no doubt about her getting into the school, before deciding to speak her thoughts instead.  “Juls. We both know you’re in. Why do you keep expecting the worst? Be more positive about life and just everything. It stresses me out how little credit you give yourself.”

Juliana laughed as she listened to what Valentina was saying which only caused Valentina to continue.

“No Juliana, I’m serious. Sam Walton once said, ‘If people believe in themselves, it's amazing what they can accomplish.’ And I need you to believe in yourself as much as I believe in you. More than I believe in you. What you tell yourself matters. How you speak to yourself about yourself matters. I need you to believe in your potential. You are amazing at what you do. Every design you’ve turned into a reality has been incredibly beautiful and I’m positive they saw that as well. I see the fire with which you work and talk about design and fashion, it’s what you love and I love that about you. Your passion is what will land you that spot. Your passion is what will bring out the best in you and consequentially bring out the best in your work.” Valentina told Juliana very passionately so she could understand what she truly meant.

Juliana couldn’t help the huge smile that was now on her face. She felt every word that the woman in front of her was trying to get her to comprehend. She gave Valentina an adoring look while they made eye contact before speaking.

“I don’t know how you always know what to say but I love you and I appreciate you. Everything you do, you do out of love and it’s incredible. Thank you. For not only believing in me but for fueling my soul with your beautiful words. Gracias, amor.” Juliana said as she took hold of Valentina’s hand as they interlocked their fingers.

They had a lovely lunch filled with more encouragements from Valentina. Both girls had grown much closer in the past weeks. It was incredible the way they looked after each other. Juliana allowed herself to be cared for and tried to return that love and that nurturing sentiment by double when it came to Valentina. She felt safe and loved and like she belonged, something she hadn’t felt in years, so she was very appreciative and protective of the woman she was lucky enough to love and care for.

The girls had been completely honest about their feelings and held nothing back from each other. They knew exactly where they stood with each other and had established a very healthy relationship. It was a beautiful partnership that grew stronger with each day that passed.

[socialattractionuk]

How to make sure taking a break actually benefits your relationship

Reports say Kylie Jenner and Travis Scott are taking a break (Picture: Dia Dipasupil/FilmMagic)

When we heard that Kylie Jenner and Travis Scott may have broken up, we were more than a little upset.*

*Don’t judge us, our lives are empty and celeb relationships are all we have.

But then came a glimmer of hope; reports that the parents of icon Stormi Jenner may not have properly called it quits, but that they’re just taking a break.

Now, your own experiences will influence your reaction to this news.

You’ll either breathe a sigh of relief, reassured that all is well in the Jenner camp, or you’ll go straight to the ‘well, they’re doomed’ reaction.

Taking a break often acts as just a stop on the road to a breakup, deployed when a relationship is already past repair.

Does taking a break ever actually work? Are there ways that you can make a break benefit your relationship, rather than just serving to delay the inevitable split?

We spoke to some experts to outline the basic rules for making a break work to its maximum potential.

Of course, even the most perfectly planned break won’t fix a relationship that’s absolutely awful and built to fail, but these are steps to ensure taking a break isn’t pointless.

Decide on an objective

Why are you taking a break? What exactly are you hoping to get out of it?

If the answer is ‘I hate them so much and need them to get out of my face’, a break probably isn’t the right option… you need a breakup.

Don’t decide to do a temporary split in the heat of the moment, without proper thought.

Be clear with each other about what this break is actually for, whether it’s to have some time to reflect alone, get some distance, or allow for personal healing.

Stephanie Tumba, the managing director of Celest Connections and Matchmaking and the author of 100 Dates and a Wedding tells Metro.co.uk: ‘When one agrees to “pause” the relationship, one must use that period to turn it into a strength, trying to understand what is wrong with the relationship and how to change things.

‘This break in a couple should be considered as a moment to make a thorough reflection on the couple but also a self-criticism.

‘Decide the objective of the break and the lines of reflection. Finish as many times as possible with the phrase, “After the break, I would like us to …”‘

Oh, and make sure a break is what you both really want, and isn’t just being used as a way to end things. This isn’t something to be taken lightly – Stephanie says that only 10% of couples actually survive a break and get back together.

Most breaks lead to breakups (Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

Be clear on how much time you need

Again, if you think you need years apart, you’re in need of a breakup rather than a break.

But once you’ve worked out the objective of your break, it’s worth clarifying how long you want it to last. Do you need a day? A week? A month?

Jessica Leoni, a sex and relationship for Illicit Encounters (a dating site for affairs, so Jessica knows about relationships gone wrong) recommends taking ‘clean break of a week with no contact’, while Stephanie says a break should be between one and three weeks, but it really is up to you to decide what’s best for your relationship.

Don’t rush things, even if your partner needs longer apart than you do. If they need additional time to do important work, you don’t want to cut that short.

Outline the sex side of things

This is a big one.

Unless you want a Ross and Rachel situation, you need to be entirely upfront about the sexual exclusivity of a break before you take it.

Set up some ground rules. Will you remain exclusive throughout the break? Can you go on dates with other people? If anything happens, do you need to tell each other?

Yes, this bit is awkward, but ironing it all out now will save you from pain in the long run.

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Determine the rules of communication

Again, this is all part of working out what your break is for and what you’re hoping to get out of it, but you absolutely must discuss how much communication you’ll have during your time apart.

Going contact-free can be helpful, but that needs to be agreed from the get-go. You don’t want to be sending your partner messages that go unanswered – that will only inspire paranoia and despair.

Stephanie says: ‘The break does not forbid to keep in touch, but it is necessary to ensure that one does not suffer having the impression that the other is having fun. A weekly call, just to maintain the proximity and reassuring the other party, is not a bad idea.’

It’s up to you to determine the ground rules of your break (Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

Plan a meeting for the end of your break

Put it in your diaries and make sure it happens. This is essential, either to get the relationship back on track or get proper closure and call it quits.

You can go for a phone call if you want, but an in-person chat is usually best.

Stephanie recommends choosing a neutral space where you can discuss your relationship freely, or booking in a session with a couples’ therapist to guide you through the process.

Be prepared for what happens next

When you go into a break, you have to be ready for the possibility that the relationship just isn’t going to work.

Explore alone what you would need for the relationship to continue and establish at what point you’ll say enough is enough.

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And don’t rush too quickly back into the swing of things. You took a break for a reason. If you decide to stay together, make sure you’ve sorted out those niggling issues and are returning to a relationship that brings you joy.

‘If you are both fully committing to making it work, by all means resume physical contact,’ says Jessica. ‘But don’t return to the destructive patterns which caused the break in the first place.

‘You both need to indicate why you think the break was necessary and how you are going to put things right.

‘If you still don’t want to see your partner after a week of non-contact, the signs are not good. Absence should make the heart grow fonder. If there is no longing, you should seriously consider a clean break after a week apart.’

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