#already a huge glow up because he doesn't ''''''jokingly'''''' make fun of me lmfao
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may or may not have accidentally maybe pavloved myself. oops
#mud rambles#i made a specific notif sound on my phone for discord because the default noise is fucking annoying#(wish i could do the same on my laptop tbh but anyway)#i now. jump to grab my phone whenever the discord notif goes off. because i think it's him#i feel bad bc i still want to talk to the other people messaging me but. i can't help but be disappointed when it's not him#new fp new me being an idiot#to be fair. at least this time. I'm just excited to talk to him#when i'm disappointed it's purely because of my own unreasonable expectations and not because i'm being intentionally strung around#in attempt to keep my attention entirely focused on them and nobody else#as much as having an fp is frustrating. I think I can trust this time to not be a complete shitshow#I trust him and I'm going to be firm in my boundaries and communicate!!#already a huge glow up because he doesn't ''''''jokingly'''''' make fun of me lmfao#now just to. work back up to the point i can properly express my care for him (and others) lol...................
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