kindnessandrecovery

[kindnessandrecovery]

i was not made to be perfect. i was made to become the best version of my little imperfect self.

[kindnessandrecovery]

Lately, I’ve been daydreaming about the intimacy of holding someone.

•••••••••

To be completely spent, so exhausted it’s beyond description. You’ve reached the bottom of the barrel but still looking for more energy to give, more time to give, but you come back up with nothing. Mind and body both buzzing and overwrought. There exists someone in your life who doesn’t take energy from you: they give and replenish.

It’s late evening, you’ve arrived at home. Outside is crisp and sharply cold, the lights are on inside, warm and yellow. Inside it smells fresh and clean, everything tidied and where is should be. You slough off your heavy coat, your bags, making your way to bed where he’s waiting for you. He’s tucked into the big fluffy duvet, head just barely visible on his soft pillow. He’s been waiting for you.

He smiles, big and soft as anything, and shuffles around under the covers excitedly. On your hands and knees you crawl over the space of your spot to kiss his exposed forehead, “I laid out your pajamas for you” he whispers. A second kiss, pressed firmly to his cheek, as you hold his head in both your hands. You tear yourself away before you get too comfortable on the soft bed. Showering washes a weight from you and the pajamas are loose and cozy.

He’s opened up the blankets for you to climb inside, heat radiates from him. Skin tingles as you’re swaddled up tightly in a hug. All at once you’re surrounded by comforting weight, his arms bring you in to his space and wrap you closely to him. His chest is plush against your cheek and his smell is somehow grounding. You shake with exhaustion, crying without tears or sound.

His hands glide up and down, in circles, up to your sore neck and down to the small of your stiff back. Wordlessly he hums, the vibration of his voice stilling your overworked mind and overriding any niggling thoughts. Your breath slows and your tense body loosens, your legs, your arms, your shoulders, stomach and neck. You squeeze him tightly, so tightly, nuzzling close as possible, a silent thank you. You fall asleep before you even realize how tired you are.

You wake up and he’s still there, watching over you, just as close as he was when you fell asleep. You both speak quietly, catching up, listening. Staying in bed as long as possible. You cook him breakfast and spend the rest of the day watching movies, talking about any and everything, kissing each other senseless.

[kindnessandrecovery]

May you find someone who is gentle to you. May you get a person who sees you and figures you out, only to be consistently kind and understanding to you. Someone who finds it easy not to prod you where it hurts, and to respect that some things are uniquely painful to you. Someone who has the patience for all of your triggers, without trying to fix them. Someone who lets you take all of the steps in your recovery on your own, but cheers you on, on every step of the way.

[kindnessandrecovery]

you deserve that perfect love that you think may not even exist

[kindnessandrecovery]

autopsy, donte collins

[kindnessandrecovery]

my 2023 moodboard

[kindnessandrecovery]

I just want an Andy Griffith life tbh

[kindnessandrecovery]

“‘You’re going to be happy’ said life ‘but first I’ll make you strong.’”

— Unknown

[kindnessandrecovery]

Baking these on a warm Sunday with the person I love

kaliliee_