#alrawabi | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cheesecherrykay · 8 months ago

Text

Some musings on Shams.

I don't condone her video. She recorded and used shots of people without their consent, and she also made some demeaning comments about them, especially about Farah who would "do anything to be popular and make friends", essentially deliberately humiliating her in front of the whole school when she already struggles in her social life and confidence.

But at the same time, I get her point. Shams is an outsider, possibly by choice, although we don't know because we didn't see much of her backstory. I think I know what she was onto, because I know what it's like to be her, insanely curious about the world that excludes you; the world which is all around you, into which you are expected to fit in but no one taught you how. You see people and wonder how they do it, how did they know how to do it? Who taught them? Often, observing others acutely and finding ways to look down on them is a coping mechanism for those struggling with loneliness and FOMO. Its a way of convincing yourself that you're better off because at least you don't have the problems that come with that kind of life, even though you do still have other problems of your own. Her execution was poor, her methods unethical and her intentions may have been subconsciously selfish, but Shams' message accurately portrayed that it often looks like there's only one image you must live up to in order to deserve being happy, to be of any worth. That image is made of beauty standards, social circles, hobbies and lately social media followings. In chasing that image, young people risk losing themselves.

The other girls in the series like to dress up and do makeup, they all are active on social media and like to follow trends on TikTok, they admire the same idols like Karen Wazen, and they seek to be in the same places as the popular kids, like the parties and the bowling alleys. We don't see Shams using social media at all, or doing any of the above-mentioned, but we do see her having fun: when she takes Nadine to the skateboarding park, she's most in her element then. We see that she has friends here, and a hobby she enjoys, and we see her genuinely smile. It looks like this isn't the most socially accepted activity, because none of the popular kids are doing it, but that's alright, because you don't have to do what the crowd tells you is fun, and you don't have to stop doing what the crowd tells you is not fun.

Loving your individuality can be a challenge, especially at that crucial high school age. My take on Shams is that she finds it hard to fit in and become "normal" as opposed to the "loner weirdo", and thinking that she could never gain proper acceptance from the world that surrounds her, she antagonised it, and used that to boost her own ego and her self esteem as much as possible. She is another side of Farah- both girls who feel unseen and are made to feel unimportant when they simply be as they are. Farah kept trying to fit in, hoping it would be possible for her to do so without having to change too much of who she was, and these efforts were brutally shot down by Hiba in the last episode. By the time we meet Shams she had already given up, and had alienated herself from society and made the very fact that she doesn't fit in her whole identity. Shams really wasn't trying to make friends- she would not have made that video otherwise- although she admits to not having friends who weren't chasing her brother and we can sense sadness in that. I think it's possible she wanted to be seen at last, and seen as someone who is actually above the rest.

#al rawabi school for girls #alrwabiseason2 #al rawabi school for girls netflix #alrawabi #al rawabi

18 notes · View notes

alrawabi-imagines · 5 days ago

Text

You'd have to stop the world just to stop the feeling

The last year and a half of your life was going rather well until one night where you ended up fighting with your girlfriend. The argument getting worse by the second until she shouted

“We need to break up.” You tried to talk her out of it,to tell her it was a stupid thing to do. But she persisted, “Stop it. I don't love you anymore.” You couldn't stand to see her cry. She asked to keep your relationship a secret and you agreed but recently you had brought up the subject of her coming out which started this fight.

"In that case,I'll leave." You knew she never would come out,you'd never force her but it would be nice to at least get to kiss your girlfriend without being scared of people seeing. You couldn't help but wonder if she truly loved you, or if you were just an experiment for her.

“You think that’ll make me change my mind? Go ahead, leave.”

"You know I don't blame you for not wanting to come out. Take your time,figure it out. But don't play with my very real feelings when you're not even sure about yours" Taylor looked at you, almost shocked that you would accuse her of that.

“I’ll have you know I'm always sure about my feelings.” She spoke with a little anger in her voice. You could tell this conversation was making both of your blood boil. “It's not my fault I struggle with expressing my feelings.” She snapped back.

"That's my point,you're not ready for a relationship like this" you grabbed a bag,stuffing a few things inside. Everything you'd left at her place. "Don't worry I won't tell anyone about this" you reassured her.

Taylor clenched her fists with frustration. She knew you were right. She wasn't ready for a serious relationship, especially one like this. She watched as you packed up some of your belongings, getting ready to leave. She wanted to tell you not to go, to just drop it, but she just couldn’t. She just silently watched you as her heart ached.

The next morning she wordlessly stepped aside, letting you into the house. Silently watching you as you picked up the boxes and walked into the house. She couldn't help but just stare at you, remembering all of the laughs, cuddles, fights and kisses you had shared. It was all gonna be over soon. You were packing up the last box,along with her last chance to say something. You turned back to her,moving closer.

"I'm not going to tell anyone about this and if you feel ready,come find me. But I'm not going to put my life on hold for you and I don't expect you to do the same. I love you,Taylor" She took a deep breath, feeling a lump forming in her throat.

"I love you too," she whispered softly. "Please be happy."

"You too,good luck,Taylor"

2 weeks later

These past 2 weeks had been hard for Taylor. She found herself missing you more and more each day. Every time she walked into her lonely house, she was reminded of you. Every time she saw something that reminded her of you, her heart ached a little more. So when she found out that you’d be performing at an upcoming music show she knew she had to be there. She debated going but thought it would be awkward if she showed up alone. She did manage to get a date and the media immediately labeled him as her new boyfriend.

She scanned the crowd, looking for you. She didn’t know if you'd seen her with her date, but part of her was hoping you were jealous. At first she didn't recognize you,you were dressed in a black dress with lace and silver. Metal looking accents lined the dress. It was completely unlike you,you usually looked like you were as she described 'a goddess of love or cupid'. You usually dressed in pink and happy colors and were always smiling but not now. Your expression was cold and lifeless,void of any emotion. She felt a pang of hurt and guilt as she looked at you, knowing that she was probably the cause of your current appearance.

Taylor watched as you walked down the red carpet in front of the cameras, your face looking completely expressionless. It was hard for her to believe that this was the same person she knew and loved.

The night continued, with both of you avoiding each other like the plague. Even though Taylor wanted to talk to you, to get near you, she didn’t know if you would even respond to her. She constantly glanced over at you, trying to find the right moment to approach, but it never came. The performances started and soon it was your turn. Your name lit up the screens. As the music started and you stepped out with a microphone. There were no back up dancers with you,unlike any of your previous performances. This one was darker,sadder. As the music started playing, Taylor immediately noticed the change in tone. This wasn’t a happy or cheerful song, it was much darker and more emotional. Suddenly she knew exactly what the song was about. You stopped in the middle of the stage.

"It's fine, it's cool You can say that we are nothing, but you know the truth" you briefly glanced at her. "And guess I'm the fool With her arms out like an angel through the car sunroof" you sang. Taylor froze when you looked in her direction while singing that first part. She knew the song was about her, about the fight, about your guys’ failed relationship. She took a shaky breath as she listened to you sing.Her heart aching at the thought of you calling yourself a fool. She couldn’t help but feel responsible for all of this."I don't wanna call it off. But you don't wanna call it love You only wanna be the one that I call "baby"" you continued singing. "You can kiss a hundred boys in bars Shoot another shot, try to stop the feeling You can say it's just the way you are Make a new excuse, another stupid reason" you glanced back at her for the next part. "Good luck, babe (well, good luck), well, good luck, babe (well, good luck) You'd have to stop the world just to stop the feeling Good luck, babe (well, good luck), well, good luck, babe (well, good luck) You'd have to stop the world just to stop the feeling" repeating the words you had said before you left. Taylor’s heart ached with each word you sang. She could see the pain and the hurt in your eyes as you looked in her direction. She knew this song was about her. Her eyes welled up with tears as you repeated the words “Good luck, babe” over and over. It was like a knife being stabbed into her heart, a brutal reminder that she messed up."I'm cliché, who cares? It's a sexually explicit kind of love affair And I cry, it's not fair I just need a little lovin', I just need a little air Think I'm gonna call it off Even if you call it love I just wanna love someone who calls me "baby"" you continued this time changing the lyrics. "You can kiss a hundred boys in bars Shoot another shot, try to stop the feeling You can say it's just the way you are Make a new excuse, another stupid reason Good luck, babe (well, good luck), well, good luck, babe (well, good luck) You'd have to stop the world just to stop the feeling Good luck, babe (well, good luck), well, good luck, babe (well, good luck) You'd have to stop the world just to stop the feeling" repeating the chorus,you could see her whispering something to the man beside her before they got up. She was getting up to leave.She stopped at the door and turned back to look at you. "When you wake up next to him in the middle of the night With your head in your hands, you're nothing more than his wife And when you think about me, all of those years ago You're standing face to face with "I told you so" You know I hate to say, "I told you so" You know I hate to say, but," you saw her run out as you shouted the last part " i told you so" You sung the last part "You can kiss a hundred boys in bars Shoot another shot, try to stop the feeling (well, I told you so) You can say it's just the way you are Make a new excuse, another stupid reason Good luck, babe"

You made your way backstage,handing over the mic before heading to your dressing room. As you touched up your make up there was a knock on the door.

"Come in" you said,not bothering to look up. You capped the mascara and reapplied your lip gloss,still looking at the mirror.Without looking at her you simply said. "I'm not telling you who the song is about,so don't even try" it was clear by the way you spoke that you thought she was a reporter or an employee.

"It's me. The song is about me," Taylor said as she watched you continue to touch up your makeup, refusing to meet her gaze. The silence in the room was deafening as she waited for your response, wondering if you would finally turn and look at her.

"If you're here to apologize or say you'll come out,don't. Like I said I'm not going to pressure you,I only sang that song for myself I won't tell someone about us" Taylor's heart felt heavy as you finally looked up at her and spoke. It was clear that you had closed yourself off from her, that you were still hurt and angry. The thought of you singing that song for yourself, without any intention of making her feel guilty, made her feel even worse. She knew she had hurt you, had pushed you away, and the last thing she wanted was for you to think that she didn't care. She took a couple more steps closer until she was standing right in front of you.You stood up to face her.

"I... I needed to tell you something."

"Okay,go ahead"

"I... I'm sorry," she began, her voice quavering with emotion. "I'm sorry for how I've treated you, for pushing you away and for not acknowledging our relationship. It was stupid and cowardly, and you didn't deserve it."

"You're right,I didn't deserve to be treated like that. I deserve someone who's willing to show me off,who'll stand with me and be proud to have me. You're at a part of your life where you're not ready to do that,and I don't hold it against you. Some people aren't ready their whole lives,and I don't deserve to be a secret especially when I'm not hiding. I want to be able to love someone out loud" You spoke again "I forgive you and I'm not mad at you. You should get back to your date." You took a few steps toward the door but before you left you said one last thing. "I love you,Taylor," you whispered. Those words hit her like a ton of bricks. Hearing you say them again, even in a whisper, sent a wave of emotions coursing through her. She wanted to say it back, to tell you that she loved you too, but the words caught in her throat. She wouldn’t even look back at you,the sound of the door clicking shut echoed in her ears, leaving her alone in the silence of the dressing room. She had let you walk away, and there was no guarantee that she would ever be able to get you back now.

#taylor swift x reader #taylor swift imagine #taylor swift fanfiction #taylor swift x reader angst #taylor x reader #taylor swift #wlw #lesbian fic #alrawabi-imagines

21 notes · View notes