#almost had one earlier today cause of anxiety

[oneandahalfwolf]

Wolf was wheezing slightly by the time they made it to the third floor, chest a little tight and legs ever so wobbly. Clara noticed with her enhanced hearing, the rattle of their lungs almost like a maraca in her ears seeing as she was making sure to be extra in tune with her young charge. The were-pire gently nudged the younger werewolf before pointing to their hoodie pocket. The teen’s brows furrowed before they realised what she meant, reaching inside the pocket to collect the everyday inhaler, taking two puffs as they’d been instructed by the doctor. They were still amazed how much the little device helped, perhaps even more than their old medicine. Maybe they should suggest it as an alternative to their Mistress when they got back home.

Grey eyes screwed shut for a second as they shook their head, trying to get that thought out of their head. They were still conflicted about there vs here, but they knew dwelling on it would give them a headache they didn’t want right now. Especially as Clara knocked on a bright yellow door four times. Instinctively and unconsciously they sidled closer to Torcarya, brushing her shoulder slightly with theirs in order to garner some comfort in proximity. They still couldn’t help but flinch slightly when the door opened, faint blush spreading over their cheeks when it was simply an older brunette man on the other side. His smile was wide as he beckoned them forward with a hearty ‘come in, come in’. Wolf had no choice but to follow the adults through the doorway.

The room itself was about the size of one of the smaller training rooms at the Organisation, filled with plain wooden topped metal desks and plastic chairs as well as shelves and cabinets along the walls. At the front was blackboards and whiteboards, currently black, with a brunette woman standing with her own kind smile.

“Please, take a seat.”

Wolf allowed Clara to usher them to one of the desks at the front before she took residence at one behind and to the side of them – out of eyeline to prevent distraction or excess anxiety but close enough to provide help if need be. The teen werewolf was not a fan of the chair, the plastic digging into their bones, but they weren’t about to say anything or cause a scene. That would just get them in trouble. Grey eyes focused on the front of the room as the man joined the woman, clapping his hands together.

“Hello, I am Mr Chesterton and this is Mrs Wright, but you can call us Ian and Barbara.”

“Today is a simple day,” the woman said. “You could call it a training day. We’re just going to check things like your reading and writing comprehension, see if you need any accommodations.”

Wolf didn’t say anything even as they repeated and expanded upon what Clara had said earlier, eyes fixed somewhere between the two. They wanted nothing more than to lock fringers with Torca or hold her jacket to make sure she was still there, that they weren’t alone, but they didn’t dare move as the two brunettes brought some paper and pencils to their tables.

Torcarya smiled politely back at her and nodded. She glanced over to make sure that Wolf was still there, and then followed the adults as they led the way.

“Upstairs” was actually up two flights of stairs, skipping right past the second floor to the third, and then down a short hallway lined with metal lockers and colorful doors. Clara led them to one at the end, on the left, and knocked four times.

Torcarya fidgeted absentmindedly with the end of her braid, both looking forward to- and dreading the lessons. She hadn’t been in real school since before she had run away. The Organization had been more concerned with her combat, stealth, and telekinetic abilities. She could read and write - it would have been difficult to follow instructions on away missions without those skills - and her basic math wasn’t bad, but she didn’t know what else they would test her on. The not-knowing gnawed at her as they waited for the tutors to answer the knocks.

[astralsys]

random bs go! idk what I'm doing with my life rn

uhhhh memory hasn't been getting better, thought I was progressing with that gonna have to talk about that later w/ -- I've been kinda just not really living things been feeling like a fog or something. I should do something fun to try and connect better... I wanna continue with some games I left un 100%'ed I'll try and do that if I can get some free time things been busy :c

[bucksangel]

milk and sugar

pairing: alpha!steve x alpha!bucky, alpha!steve x artist!omega!reader x alpha!bucky (poly) - omegaverse!au part two

word count: 5.1k

summary: “Are you nervous?” Steve asks, voice soft and caring. His hand settles on your arm, and Bucky appears beside you to place his hand on your back, as well as take one of your hands in his metal one. And despite your earlier anxiety, you mean it wholeheartedly when you say, “no.” or - it’s your first date with your alphas.

warnings: fluff fluff and more fluff, reader has insecurities, steve and bucky are adorable and caring, steve is very nervous bc he’s a romantic, like it’s almost unbearable how much of a pure puppy he is, bucky is extremely fond and a little teasing (bc of course he is), omegaverse, kissing, there are bits where it’s just steve and bucky

a/n: this fic doesn’t contain smut, however, due to the nature of my blog this is strictly 18+

milk and honey masterlist | main masterlist | tip jar

‘Good morning, darling.’

That’s the text you received from Bucky at nine that morning - in the group chat he’d made with Steve and you. And while you normally sleep in on Sundays since your studio is closed, you’d woken up early - seven to be exact -  due to the anxiety you’ve been feeling ever since your art class ended yesterday.

Truthfully, you didn’t really sleep well anyway. Going on a date with not just one, but two Alphas at the same time has you on edge - though, not in a bad way. No, not at all. These are the good kinds of nerves, the exciting kind.

Well, okay, not all of your nerves are positive. Being naturally shy and reserved has caused you to overthink every single interaction you’ve had with the Alphas, both together and separately. And now that you’re going on this date, you can’t help the way your insecurities come creeping in faster and faster as it gets closer.

Because what if they decide they don’t like you after they actually get the chance to know you? What if they don’t even pay much attention to you and treat this as a date with just them since that must be what they’re more used to? What if you say or do something wrong and they get scared away?

Now, logically, you know those first two outcomes are absurd. Over the past few weeks, they’ve each shown extreme interest in getting to know you, they show how much care they have for you, and oh boy does that knowledge make your heart flutter. It makes you feel good, really good about yourself.

But that last point? Well, that is a big insecurity of yours. As a child, you weren’t that open and didn’t have many friends. And it was hard to make new ones when you would always stutter and trip over yourself, causing many of the kids you’d gone to school with to laugh at you. You were so shy, always the shortest kid in your class which made you an easy target for bullying, especially since you couldn’t hold a conversation well and you’d constantly accidentally bump into someone. It’s honestly a surprise that Tori had stuck around this long.

And, to be completely honest, you think you could deal with them maybe not finding you as interesting as they probably thought, maybe even them telling you that it just wouldn’t work out. Yes, it would hurt for a while, but you would deal with it. However, you absolutely could not live with the Alphas finding you annoying. Because this whole thing already feels like a fever dream, and if you were to fuck it up by doing or saying something embarrassing it would only serve as proof that you aren’t fit for Alphas like them.

It’s nine-fifteen when you respond with ‘good morning :)’

And not even a minute later, Steve texts back. ‘how are you feeling about today?’

Well, isn’t that a good question? Because you want nothing more than to go on this date, you want this to work out so badly that you feel like your heart might burst out of your chest. But, again, those fucking insecurities are messing with your mind.

It’s maybe a few minutes later when you reply with ‘Feeling okay, you guys?’

A bubble pops up at the bottom of the text thread, Bucky typing for a good thirty seconds before it disappears. And it stays like that for another full minute, your heart hammering in your chest as your anxieties are jumping to the worst possible outcome. What if they cancel? What if they-

Your phone screen comes to life when Steve calls you. He’s calling you. And for a moment you want to let it go to voicemail, you don’t want them to hear how nervous you are. But you also don’t want them to think you’re ignoring them, so you answer with a timid, “Hello?”

“Hi, honey,” Steve says calmly, his smooth voice doing a good job of soothing some of your worries.

“Hi!” You hear Bucky yell in the background, causing you to giggle.

“Hi, guys.”

You hear a thud in the background before Bucky yells “Put her on speaker, punk!” And then you can hear both of them clearly, Steve laughing as Bucky huffs in what you assume is a fake annoyance.

“So, uh, I’m just wondering. Um, where are we going today?” Mentally, you curse yourself for being so awkward, for tripping over your words while talking to the two most handsome Alphas you’ve ever met.

“That’s a surprise, honey,” Steve says, the smile on his face is evident in his tone. “Just wear something comfortable.”

“And warm!” Bucky adds, coming closer to the phone. “We don’t need you getting cold, okay?”

The hint of authority in his voice makes your heartbeat pick up speed and the care that’s so evident in just the way he speaks kind of makes you want to cry a little. When was the last time any potential partner showed even these small acts of concern for your well-being? Too long.

“Yes, sir,” You joke, having to bite your lip to keep your smile from widening even further when both Alphas laugh. Butterflies are swirling in your stomach, forming a tornado of anticipation and nerves for the day’s festivities.

“Alright,” Steve says with a hint of laughter. “We’ll let you go get ready and we’ll pick you up in two hours, okay?”

Two hours? That seems like too long yet not long enough. You’ve already showered, all you really need to do is find something to wear and then fix your hair - maybe throw on some mascara. But, still. Two hours seems like the perfect amount of time to have a full-on breakdown over this date. But at least that should also give you some time to recover from said breakdown.

“Yeah, that works!” Internally, you cringe at how eager you sound. Because even though you’re nervous beyond belief, and a tiny part of you wants to cancel the date out of fear of anything embarrassing happening, you don’t think you’d be able to live with yourself if you let these two slip through your fingers without giving it a fighting chance. 

“Great,” Bucky says, clearly smiling. “Just send us your address and we’ll be there.”

Once you bid your goodbyes to each other you make sure to send them your address before deciding to freak out over what to wear. Luckily for you, and as though the universe knows you need the help, your doorbell rings soon after. Confused as to who would be at your door this early, you make your way to the door, and when you open it you see Tori standing on the other side with a wide smile.

“Alright, girl,” She says happily, ignoring the incredulous look on your face as she pushes past you to walk into your apartment. “We have to get you ready, where are they taking you?”

“Hello to you too, Tori,” you say with a slight roll of your eyes as you close the door.

“Hey, babe!” Tori grabs your wrist and all but yanks you towards your room, not really caring about the fact that you’re nearly tripping over yourself in an effort to keep up. When you both get to your room she lets go of your arm and heads for your closet.

“So, where are you guys going?”

“I don’t know, they just said to dress warm and comfortable.” Your shoulders shrug, fingers nervously fiddling with each other. You’re not too sure what exactly to wear based on those being the only two requests. Sure, you have plenty of sweaters and jackets and scarves - it’s New York after all - but you don’t know what will impress the Alphas.

You want to impress them so badly. You don’t want them to regret asking you out, and while clothing choices aren’t a ‘make or break’ type of thing it’s still important to you that you look the best you possibly can. After all, anyone who’s seen Steve and Bucky in person would agree that they’re most definitely the two most handsome men to ever exist.

Something soft hitting you in the face knocks you out of your thoughts.

“Hey!” You yelp, looking at the ground to see the thing that hit you - your light brown sweater with a cute graphic of a pumpkin patch on the front. Seconds later, a pair of leggings hit your chest. “Tori!”

Tori simply laughs, then heads to your shoe rack next to the closet door.

“How do you know this will be good for the date?” You ask as you pick up the sweater to inspect it as though you haven’t worn it hundreds of times. But, again, today needs to go perfectly so any stains you might’ve missed would not go down well with you.

“I don’t,” She admits with a shrug of her shoulders. “But that sweater accentuates your boobs and the leggings make your ass look great.”

Your whole body goes hot, the implication of them looking at those parts of your body doesn’t make you shrink away like it normally would, though you can barely stop your insecurities about your body from throwing the items to the side and picking something else to prevent that from happening.

“I-I don’t know, Tori…” You sigh, going over to your bed and sitting down on the edge. “What if they don’t like it? I mean, they’re-”

“Stop it,” Tori says forcefully, walking over to stand in front of you. “You’re beautiful and kind and wonderful and they’re going to love you. And if they don’t, then that’s not your fault. As long as you give it your all, everything will be fine.”

Coming closer, she places her hands on your shoulders so she can shake you a little bit. “I love you, girl. You’re my best friend and I want to see you happy. And it seems like they make you happy, but you make them happy too. I’ve seen it in the way they look at you, how they talk to you. It’s going to be fine, babe. I promise.”

After a long pause where you think over her words, you decide that she’s right - at least about your feelings. You like them so fucking much, so it wouldn’t be fair to them or yourself if you didn’t try your best.

“Okay… Okay, then. Let’s get me ready.”

And with that, Tori smiles brightly, leaning down to squeeze you in a tight hug before releasing you.

____________

It’s a few minutes before eleven when Bucky and Steve park out front of your apartment building. Steve is practically vibrating out of his skin, Bucky even had to convince his mate that he should drive to pick you up since Steve could barely keep his knees from bouncing.

“Baby,” Bucky says, shutting off the engine and twisting in his seat to face Steve. “It’s going to be okay. We’re going to just be ourselves and treat her like she deserves, there’s no way she’s going to not like us.”

Steve nods, though he doesn’t look super convinced. It’s clear from how he spent fifteen minutes this morning in the flower shop picking out the perfect bouquet for you that he really, really wants this to work. And even though he doesn’t show it, Bucky knows Steve would be heartbroken if it didn’t. His mate’s always been a softie, and there’s something about you that makes him feel different - better than any other omega ever could.

Bucky knows exactly how he feels. Because, although he’s not as outwardly anxious, he just knows that you’re perfect for them, and he wants to do everything he can to make you see that they can take care of you, they can protect and love you. Your smile and sweet giggle haunt his dreams, his nightmares have long been replaced with his memories of him and Steve - and now you. He can’t help but imagine what it would be like to wake up next to you and his Alpha, to cuddle with you two in your nest as you all trade kisses and talk about anything and everything.

“You’re sure?” Steve asks with a timid voice, fiddling with the flowers in his lap. “I - we really like her.”

Bucky sighs, then reaches over the console to place his hand on the back of his mate's neck in a comforting manner. And even though it’s uncomfortable, Bucky leans over and presses a soft kiss to Steve’s lips.

“I’m sure, Stevie.”

Steve sighs too, leaning forward to kiss Bucky again before pulling back.

“Okay, Buck.”

With that, they both share a small smile and then get out of the car. It’s about a minute-long elevator ride up to your floor, Bucky holding his mate’s free hand the entire way and sending him feelings of calmness through their bond. It works until they get to your front door because now Steve is practically fumbling with the flowers as he figures out the best way to hold them while Bucky knocks.

It’s about a minute later when the door swings open, but it’s not you. It’s Tori with a wide, knowing smirk on her face.

“Hello, boys,” She says, crossing her arms over her chest. “Those for her?” She nods towards the sunflowers and daisies Steve is holding.

“They are,” Bucky says with a smile of his own. Glancing at Steve to see him nod. “Is she ready?”

“Yes!” You say, quickly running up behind Tori to gently push her to the side and give her a side glare. You’re fiddling with your clothes, tugging at the bottom of the sweater in order to smooth out the fabric.

However, in the Alphas’ eyes, there’s no need for you to do so. Through their bond both of them feel the other go kind of dumb - you always look pretty but today’s outfit just hits them differently. Your eyeliner makes the color of your eyes pop, and the shiny lipgloss makes your lips nearly impossible to not kiss.

They don’t, though. Not yet. The last thing either of them wants to do is make you uncomfortable, especially with Tori standing behind you. So, instead, Bucky smiles and elbows Steve to get him out of his trance.

“Hello, honey,” Bucky says, his smile turning into a smirk when you fail to suppress a squeak.

“H-hi, guys,” You say nervously with a small smile. “Are those for me?” You ask when you notice the flowers in Steve’s hand.

“Oh, um, yes,” Steve stutters ever so slightly, reaching out to hand you the bouquet. “You once said you love Sunflowers.”

____________

“You once said you love Sunflowers.”

Something about this gesture makes you want to tear up. Flowers may not be a big deal to some people, but they mean everything to you. Receiving gifts from partners has been rare for you, so the beauty of the petals and knowing that they’re for you just makes you preen a little bit.

“I do,” You say softly, almost like you can’t believe he remembered. “They’re beautiful, thank you. Really.”

“Just like you,” Steve blurts out before a redness covers his cheeks.

And you absolutely cannot be blamed for the embarrassing squeak you let out. You try being called beautiful by Steve fucking Rogers and not want to bury your face in his neck to inhale his scent.

“Th-thank you,” You say with a giggle, handing the flowers to Tori and giving her a grateful smile as she gives you a quick kiss on your cheek.

“You guys have fun,” She teases, waving you off with a smile. “Treat her well or you’ll have hell to pay.”

“Of course,” Bucky says with an assuring nod. “Wouldn’t treat her with anything but care.” He says this while looking at you though, the twinkle in his eyes making you want to bare your neck to him.

When the door closes behind you, you step closer to the Alphas.

“Are you nervous?” Steve asks, voice soft and caring, though clearly a little anxious. His hand settles on your arm, and Bucky appears beside you to place his hand on your back, as well as take one of your hands in his metal one.

And despite your earlier anxiety, you mean it wholeheartedly when you say, “No.” How can you be nervous now when the feeling of the men’s warm hands on you and their clear concern for your wellbeing makes your heartbeat quicken in anticipation?

“Let’s go?” You ask, face growing warm in slight embarrassment for your enthusiasm.

“Let’s go,” Both Alphas say in unison. And then all of you are off to the truck - a very nicely kept, sleek black truck. Steve opens the back door for you before, to your surprise, sliding in next to you.

“We agreed he could sit in the back with you on the way there as long as I could sit next to you on our way back,” Bucky pipes up at your questioning glance.

Feelings of warmth fill your entire being, and you already know that today is going to be the most fun you’ve had in a while.

____________

It’s about a thirty-five-minute drive before you finally arrive at a park - a beautiful stretch of the greenest grass you’ve ever seen with orange and red-leafed trees surrounding two sides of it. It’s big, but if you look close enough you can make out a trail off to the left. That half hour was, surprisingly to you, filled with pleasant conversation. Now, your previous interactions with the men proved that they were wonderful company, but you’re surprised that you’re not as nervous as you thought you’d be. Everything was moving smoothly, there wasn’t even a single moment of awkward silence.

“We’re here,” Bucky says, pulling into a free parking spot closest to the entrance of the trail. Steve opens the door as Bucky gets out as well and goes around to the back of the truck. And Steve, ever the gentleman, holds your hand as he helps you climb out of the backseat, only letting go when you begin smoothing out your clothes.

“Are we ready?” Bucky appears next to you holding a large blanket and a stereotypical wicker basket.

A small smile forms on your face, and your heartbeat increases ever so slightly. How are they so fucking sweet?

“Yes!” Immediately, your face goes hot, self-conscious of your enthusiasm. But the Alphas don’t seem to mind, in fact, Steve takes the blanket from under Bucky’s arm and tucks it under his own, then grabs your hand and intertwines your fingers together.

“Let’s go then,” Steve says, smiling softly down at you.

With that, the three of you head off to the trail, walking under colorful oak trees that flank both sides of the dirt path. A comfortable silence falls over all of you, only the sounds of birds chirping filling the air. You walk for a few minutes, the leaves crunching under your feet as you take in the beauty surrounding you, your eyes wide with wonder.

The environment is comforting, calm, puts you at ease in a way you don’t normally experience. It’s freeing to feel so content - so happy. It takes about five minutes before you come upon a set of wooden stairs leading down to the most beautiful lake you’ve ever seen. The water is nearly clear, the colorful trees reflecting over the surface, and even though it’s a clear day out, you can’t help but notice the golden hue filling the air. You don’t even notice you’ve stopped walking until Steve tugs on your hand.

“Do you like it?” He asks, almost nervous as he waits for your reaction.

“I…” You trail off, tears filling your eyes. This whole thing is just - just perfect. “I love it,” you say as you look at Steve, a wide smile spreading across your face. And you look at Bucky when you say, “It’s perfect.”

____________

“It’s perfect.”

Bucky can’t help but let out a small sigh of relief. They’d both wracked their brains trying to figure out where to take you, what to do. They want to wow you, to show you that they can - and hopefully will get the chance to provide for you, they can make you happy. You’ll never go without, if you want something, they will figure out a way to get it.

“Good,” Steve says softly, smiling down at you before looking up at Bucky and nodding his head.

With that, the three of you make your way down the stairs, Steve holding on to your hand tightly to make sure you don’t fall, and Bucky places his free hand on your back. He can hear how your heartbeat speeds up when he does so and tries so hard not to puff out his chest when you glance up at him through your eyelashes coyly.

Once you’re down by the lake, the men lead you to a large oak tree merely ten or so feet from the edge. Steve is quick to unfold the blanket and spread it out under the tree - large enough to probably cover an entire California King bed. Bucky then places the basket down as his mate takes your hand and helps you sit near the edge of the blanket leaving enough space for the men to sit on either side of you.

The Alphas quickly open the basket and pull out containers of food, opening the lids and placing them in front of you. When they finally sit down - obviously with you in the middle - Bucky notices how wide your eyes are, how you seem transfixed on the array of fruits and sandwiches and cake. It’s when Bucky pulls out the jug of homemade lemonade that you choke back a cry.

“Honey?” Steve asks, turning his body to face you with a concerned look in his eyes.

“Are you alright? What’s wrong?” Bucky places a hand on your back, sweeping it around to hold your waist. And can you really blame him if his whole body goes hot when you lean into his side and turn your face so it’s halfway buried in his neck?

It takes a few seconds but you’re finally able to gather yourself and pull away.

“You guys are just… I can’t believe it.”

“What can’t you believe, sweetheart?” Steve scoots closer to you, placing his hand on your head to smooth out your hair, and unconsciously turns your head so he can look directly at you. “Tell us what’s going on in that pretty head of yours.”

____________

You want to scream. You want to yell until your voice gives out. It’s nothing, in the grand scheme of things. Them preparing food - by hand - and bringing you to this beautiful spot might just be a normal thing for most people, but considering you’ve hardly ever been shown this much affection and thoughtfulness. Shaking your head, you look away, unable to withstand the Alpha's intense gaze.

“It’s nothing,” You mumble, fiddling with your fingers. “It’s stupid.”

“No, it’s not, honey,” Bucky says, giving your waist an affectionate squeeze. “If you’re upset, we want you to tell us.”

“I’m not! I promise!” You assure them, hesitantly reaching both of your hands out to place them on the Alpha’s legs. “I guess I just… I’ve just never been shown this much… care?” It’s phrased as a question, because you’re unsure if that was the right word to use, but it’s all you can think of at the moment.

“I know it may not seem like a lot,” You continue, taking a deep breath before looking up at Steve, and then Bucky. “But this means the world to me. You guys are just so sweet and thoughtful and I’m not really sure what to do, I’ve never felt this way about anyone before, let alone two people.”

Both of the men sigh, and you can almost taste the scent of disappointment wafting off of them. Suddenly your nerves spike, did you say something wrong?

You must have said that out loud because Bucky starts shaking his head. “No, no darling. You didn’t say anything wrong, I promise.”

“We’re just… I guess we’re disappointed that you consider this the height of romance because this is the bare minimum. You should be used to this, you should be loved and worshipped because that’s what you deserve, nothing less. And it’s not your fault, it’s every other person’s fault for not treating you like the perfect Omega you are.” Steve sounds upset, and your heartbeat increases to a degree that you’d think you were having a panic attack if it weren’t for how damn happy you are.

For a moment, you’re unsure as to what to say, it’s just baffling to you that one person, let alone two, can make you feel this way, this joyous and carefree. But luckily Bucky speaks up so you don’t have to.

“And we’d love to have the chance to do that for you,” He says softly, picking up your hand to cradle it in his own so he can place a delicate kiss on your knuckles. And when you stare up into his eyes, you can’t help but gasp at how loving his gaze is. “Will you give us that chance?”

“Yes.” And this time, you’re not embarrassed by how quickly your answer was to come. How can you be when both men sigh in relief and lean into your body so they can wrap you in their arms? It’s warm and comforting, filling you with happiness and care for these men.

When they lean back you really can’t be blamed for the way your gaze finds Steve’s, then drops down to his lips momentarily. At this, you’re a little flustered, suddenly overcome with the want to feel how soft they are.

Steve seems to read your mind because he places his hand on the back of your neck and forces you to hold his gaze.

“Can I kiss you, honey?”

“Please,” You whine, staying in place as the Alpha leans down slowly. Your eyes close when he gets close enough that you can feel his breaths against your mouth. And for a moment, neither of you moves, and your nerves climb higher and higher as the seconds tick by.

You’re about to speak when he finally, finally kisses you. At first, it’s just a simple peck, a chaste kiss on your lips, and then he pulls back by merely a millimeter. It’s you who leans forward to press your lips together again, and you let him lead as you lose yourself in the kiss. Though, it’s over far too soon for your liking by a soft groan.

Pulling away, both you and Steve turn to look at Bucky, who is now sporting a sheepish grin.

“Sorry,” He mumbles with a flushed face. “I just… I love seeing you two together. I love us all being together and having the two people I care about more than anything sharing your feelings. I know it’s-”

“Sweet,” You interrupt him, turning your body so you can face him better and slip your hand out of his. Placing it on his cheek, you smile when he nuzzles into your palm and gives it a little kiss. “I think it’s sweet, Bucky.”

“Can I kiss you too?” He whispers hopefully, smiling when you nod. Unlike his mate, Bucky doesn’t waste any time capturing your lips in a soft but passionate kiss. It’s clear he’s trying to hold back, and something in you just can’t help but feel wanted, desired. This kiss lasts a little longer, and although you can feel Steve’s gaze on you, you’re not in the least bit self-conscious. You know they wouldn’t lie to you, so you find comfort in knowing that you can show affection to both men without either getting upset or jealous.

When you do finally pull away, you can’t help but lean into Bucky’s chest, reaching behind you to grab Steve’s hand.

“I really like you guys,” You mumble into the Alpha’s chest.

“We really like you too,” They say in unison, causing you to smile.

With that, everything seems to fall into place, the men divvy up the food - giving you most of it - and you all eat in comfortable silence, occasionally stealing glances at each other. Once the food is eaten, Bucky wraps his arm around your waist, causing you to look up at him.

“Come here,” He says with a smile, guiding you to sit sideways on his lap, facing Steve. And there is absolutely no way in hell you could contain the squeak forcing its way out of your mouth. “Is this okay?” He asks as Steve scoots closer to sit right next to Bucky, picking up your legs and resing them in his lap.

You’ve never nodded faster in your life. You’re nervous, sure, but the utter happiness you’re feeling far outweighs it. That happiness only grows when Bucky nods to his mate, and you watch as the other man picks up the container with the cake. Your eyes widen when Steve picks up a fork and takes a small bit out of one of the slices, carefully leading it up to your mouth where you automatically open it.

Slowly, he slides the fork out, allowing you to chew the cake with a pleased smile on his face. It goes on like this until the slice is completely gone, with Bucky pressing kisses to your temple occasionally and bathing you in his warmth. It makes you preen having these Alphas take care of you like this, providing for you.

You’re content to stay here forever, wrapped up in their light, and by the time you’re done eating completely, you feel your eyelids grow heavy, a yawn forcing your mouth wide open.

“I’m sorry,” You say remorsefully, a little embarrassed by how tired you’ve become now that your stomach is full and you’re comfortably resting against Bucky’s chest.

“Don’t be, honey,” Steve says, leaning forward and placing a soft kiss on your forehead. “You can nap if you want, we’ll be right here when you wake up.”

A smile spreads across your face, and you instinctively bury your head into Bucky’s chest and reach out so you can hold onto Steve’s hands. “Are you sure?” You ask, peeking an eye open so you can look up at the blonde Alpha.

He smiles as he nods, pressing another kiss on the top of your head. “Go to sleep, pretty girl.”

It doesn’t take long for you to float off into dreamland, and the last thing you hear is, “I told you she’s perfect for us.”

tagging: @the-ginger-fairy-artist / @supernovatardis / @perdidosbucky-yyo / @wckedheart / @kandis-mom / @meteorshowercoffee / @wandaneedstherapy / @buckysbarne / @bigcreatorwombatdreamer / @p1ut0smoon / @venusfly11 / @buckybarnesmetalarmswife775 / @the-photo-hoe / @clownsbf / @matsumama / @fandoms-writings / @thornsnvultures / @sadboiabby / @lily-excal / @alright-i-guesss / @blondie-bluue / @loveforreading / @marvel-wifey-86 / @wheezy-stucky / @exposition-belongs-somewhere / @sweater-bee / @stuckysbike / @lovelylittleleigh / @buckyshbic / @starkblackwolf / @caitlink26 / @dreaming-potato / @emeraldfairy23 / @lethargicluv / @kinsssss / @perfectlyboring / @glistenuplove / @monicachic13 / @bbellen1411 / @akmenia / @shawnftjacob / @ladyravenclaw / @sadsadbabygirlrob / @hc-kerr / @iamfandomwasted / @sweetmoonlove0214 / @yesprettypleasesir / @duckies16 / @wizardofstories / @emerald-writes / @xonickibaby / @matchat3a / @hereticdance / @animegirlgeeky / @rippedpiece

[erodasfishtacos]

Digging A Deeper Hole || MLB ||

Prompt: Harry is going through a rough adjustment to his new life. At twenty-one, he was the face of a massive franchise, a father, and a husband with millions watching his every mood. He starts to feel it. Word Count: 7.8k Warnings: Depression, Anxiety, Angst - please keep in mind H is young here so he’s a bit more immature than one shots where he’s older. He’s still figuring stuff out

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========================= Harry had the weight on the world on his shoulders.

The past year had been the best but most stressful time that he has ever had in his life.

He hadn’t had a break, it was go, go, go.

At the age of twenty-one, it felt like he had responsibilities that most people never had this amount of.

He had expectations from every side, especially from work, though it sounded like a dream to be the new face of Major League Baseball, to be the highest paid rookie to start, or the fact that he was a projected to be one of the best players of all time.

It came at a cost.

A really fucking big cost.

It took Harry a while to realize that he was experiencing some depression, the pressure of his coaches, the team, the public, and on top of that, he was navigating being newly married with a baby.

++

”Styles, get off the phone!” His assistant coach shouted from the field, he should be jogging onto the mound because practice was nearly over, and everyone was ready to head back to the hotels.

“Hold the fuck on!” Harry shouts back without looking up, waiting for the FaceTime call to connect, he had thought he had more time before they started up again.

Harry’s heart leaps when it connects, his perfect baby in the camera view, blowing raspberries between chewing on teether that looked like car keys, “Say ‘hi’ to your daddy!”

Easton is too little to quite comprehend the phone but he blinks in confusion at the screen before blowing another wet raspberry towards his father.

”Hi East, look at how handsome you look,” Harry croons, trying to memorize every little feature because he’s only going to be this small for a little while, “Your daddy misses you so much.”

YN pulls the phone to her face for a moment, “I took him on a walk around Central Park earlier today and he saw a group of pigeons. He squealed so loudly that they all flew away in a flock and he started giggling. I wish I would have gotten it on video.”

”He really does love the pigeons-“ Harry begins but is cut off.

”Styles, final warning. Get off your phone or I’m locking it up! Now,” The other coach yells, starting to actually get pissed, and Harry has to resist the urge to flip them off.

”H,” YN says knowingly, it was pretty common that he was getting yelled at, “Go practice.”

“I want to be home with you,” Harry frowns, he truly means it.

”I know,” YN agrees with kind understanding on her face, “Go kick some ass for us.”

++

He didn’t get to spend the time he wanted at home with his family, the away games caused him to panic, and he was starting to have anxiety attacks as he steps onto the private jet.

Harry was blowing YN’s phone up at any free moment he got, asking to FaceTime to see her and Easton, and YN had noticed how much more he was asking for reassurance, it was frequent.

++

”He’s sleepy. He just fed for almost an hour,” YN murmurs, tired herself and her eyes were heavy, it was undeniable that she had a lot on her plate with taking care of Easton by herself.

YN did see Anne once or twice a week but she was adamant that she did not need help raising her own baby, that she was fully capable of taking care of Easton by herself when Harry wasn’t home.

Easton was ten-months at this point, splayed on his mother’s chest with a milk-drunk little smile as he laid his small fist on her neck, easily starting to drift to sleep.

Harry feels a pang of disgusting, gnarly guilt and disappointment that he’s not there to lay in bed with them, and he felt like a piece of shit for sitting in this swanky hotel room by himself.

”Harry?” YN asks after he doesn’t respond, he was just watching the screen as his wife ran her fingers through Easton’s soft baby curls, silky smooth.

Harry swallows harshly to avoid the tears prickling, “I love you so much. You know that?”

YN smiles at him, soft and warm, “We love you so much. We miss you and cannot wait for you to get home. We both want so many cuddles with you.”

Harry’s jaw clenches, scrunching his nose, and feel the pit in his stomach get deeper, darker, rawer, and it felt overwhelming as he sat alone with his family on the other side of the country.

It felt suffocating that he wanted to go home but he couldn’t because he had a contract, a job, he had to provide, and he worked his whole life to be where he’s at.

He’s in a position that billions would want to be in but all he can think about is being with his family, he would give up everything he’d ever accomplished to cuddle with them every night.

But he couldn’t, deep down, he knew that it was his emotions getting the best of him, and it’s disappointing that he’s not enjoying baseball like he thought he would right now.

“I…I’m sorry,” Harry sniffles, rubbing his eye roughly to catch the tears before they fall any further.

YN’s smile falls which makes him feel even worse, “Baby, what’s wrong? Why are you apologizing?”

”I’m not there to help you,” Harry presses his face into his forearm to try to stop the tears, “I’m just sittin’ here in a hotel room, I’m fuckin’ useless to you.”

”Hey,” YN says firmly, lips going into a straight line, “Harry, you are not useless. How could you think that? You’re providing for us. You make it possible for me to stay at home, in this beautiful home, with everything we’d ever need, and spend every moment with Easton. That’s because of you.”

It makes Harry feel a bit better, that perspective on the situation because he hadn’t looked at it like that, “I’ll always provide for you two.”

”You’re the best provider. We love you so much. We are so proud of you. Easton is going to be so so proud of his daddy and what a good man you are to us,” YN tells him confidently, thter’s no wavering in her voice as she watches Harry’s reaction.

Harry hangs his head, done trying to stop the tears, he didn’t feel good.

He had felt depression a few times in his life, the most when he was going through his struggles with his sexuality, and it was starting to feel like that again.

”Harry,” YN’s voice is soft, careful, “Are you okay, baby? What made you so upset?”

Harry wipes his face with the back of his hand, he didn’t want to worry YN.

She had so much on her plate right now that the last thing she needed to worry about was his mental health because he needed to pull it together and stop being so emotional.

”I just miss you,” Harry tells her, it wasn’t a lie but it really wasn’t the full truth, there was so much more to it than what he was letting on but he could handle it on his own.

Lord knows he had enough time while he was sitting in this hotel room alone or had a flight on the private jet.

++

Harry felt like a car ran him over, twice, and then backed up over him.

He did as good as everyone expected him to do during the games in San Diego, he won all three of the games with too many strikeouts to count, and two home runs to get them scores.

Harry was able to shut his mind off during the games, all he was thinking about was his job, and what he needed to do to make sure that they won the games - that was it.

Afterwards, the creeping feelings that had been haunting him especially hard this past month or so wouldn’t wait very long to pop up again after the games.

He started demanding a flight home the night of the last game, everyone else always waited until the next day because traveling right after playing was near torture with the exhaustion.

Harry felt like death as he landed in New York City, his bones were heavy as if they weighed a thousand pounds each, his arm was sore from how many pitches he had to throw, and he hadn’t been sleeping well when he was away from YN and the baby.

His heart was a bit lighter as he opened the front door to their home, the smell of his favorite brownies hitting his nose, and a peel of bubbly, angelic baby giggles echoed through the hallway.

Harry needed to see them, he dropped his bag and didn’t care that his cologne bottle most likely just shattered inside because of how careless he was being.

No, he was making his way toward the smell and sounds, and when he found what he waas looking for - his stomach untwisted just the slightest and everything didn’t seem so bleak for a moment.

YN turns around, having been alerted to his entrance by his bag dropping, Easton was on her hip and had a spatula in his hand, gnawing on it happily.

”Who is that, East?” YN bounces him up and down, “Is that your daddy?”

Harry wants to cry tears of relief when Easton drops the spatula, letting it clatter onto the tile, and starts to cry.

He was the cutest little thing.

Whenever Harry got home from work, Easton would start to cry because he wanted him, and was sad like he just realized that he had been missing him all day and he was finally home with him.

”Oh my goodness,” YN hums as Easton wiggles, starting to reach out for him with grabbing hands, dramatic tears running down his face as his pouty bottom lip wobbles.

”No tears, bub,” Harry coos as he steps forward, taking Easton out of her arms, and giving him the biggest hug he can manage as he presses kisses to the side of his face, his hair, his nose, “I missed you so much. I hate being away from you, East, miss you every moment.”

YN is watching with a content smile, patiently waiting her turn as he blinks over at her, his voice still soft and raspy, “Hi mama.”

”Hi H,” YN whispers back, stepping forward to cup his jaw and bring their lips together in a kiss, her thumb rubbing the stubble of his jawline and her other squeezing his hip, “I missed you.”

Harry hates that he feels the lump in his throat, “I fuckin’ missed you so much. I can’t explain how much I hate being away from you and him. I am so grateful that you’re so good to me and East. You know that?”

One of YN’s love languages was definitely words of affirmation so to hear such nice compliments really did mean a lot to her because she didn’t always feel the most secure either.

It was a lot to have her husband traveling all the time, where if he wanted, there would be unlimited opportunities for him to make bad choices because there was not a shortage of men and women who would bed him without a second thought.

YN had complete and utter trust in him.

It wasn’t ever a real concern but when Harry was as gorgeous as he was, it was hard not to feel a bit of insecurity when people often let it be known how much they found him attractive.

”Thank you, H,” YN brings him in for another kiss, “Dinner is almost ready. Brownies are also baking in the oven. Easton was my little helper but was trying to get his chunky fingers in the raw batter which he had an attitude about when I told him ‘no’.”

”You better listen to your mama,” Harry hums at his son, munching at his neck until Easton is giggling and pulling at his curls to keep him close, he loved his father so much, “Be nice to mama, Easton Robin.”

YN reaches forward, “Go get a shower. Settle in a little bit.”

Harry passes Easton back but frowns, “Darling, I can take him and manage. You have had him for the last week.”

YN waves him off, “I got him for a few minutes longer. Get showered, dressed, then we can eat dinner, and cuddle. Okay?”

”Sounds like a dream,” Harry replies because it really does, all that he wants is to be able to hold them in his arms, and start filling this hole that starts to eat away at him every time he has to leave.`

++

After Harry showers, he tugs on his briefs, and sits on the edge of the bed.

He doesn’t know how he fell asleep like that but it seemed to happen nearly as soon as he plopped down on the plush of their bed because he hadn’t slept in nearly twenty-four hours, after an exhausting game and seven hours of travel.

The next time he wakes up, it’s completely dark in the bedroom, and he blinks his eyes open to see the alarm clock reading that it was three in the morning.

YN was fast asleep on her side of the bed, baby monitor on the side table, and Easton was sleeping in his nursery on his back with a binky halfway out of his mouth.

Harry squeezes his eyes shut, putting his fists to them for a moment as he grits his teeth, “Fuck fuck fuck.”

He gets out of bed, not wanting to disturb YN, she looked so fucking pretty while she slept and Harry was in disbelief of what a fucking idiot he was.

YN not only watched Easton for the past week, she managed everything else for their household, made Harry dinner and dessert, all for him to fall asleep.

She needs a break from the baby, YN should have gotten one last night after all her hard work, and Harry just went and fell asleep like a bloody teenager with no responsibilities.

He grabs the baby monitor so that YN won’t be woken up, hoping that she will sleep in for as long as possible in the morning, and Harry can take on baby duties.

Harry’s plan was to clean the house, the least he could do as an apology but everything was near spotless thanks to his wife, and when he went into the kitchen to clean the dishes from dinner.

There were none, YN had put all the leftovers away, wrapped the brownies, and cleaned all the pots and pans - as well as all of Easton’s bottles.

”Fuck me,” Harry grunts as he resists the urge to hit something, instead slamming his fists on the countertop, and staring at nothing as he feels the deep hole become bigger, “Such a fuck-up.”

Harry doesn’t even know what he can do to repay her, to make it up to her, and the mixture of his anxiety and depression had to be the gnarliest combination because they were kicking his ass.

His anxiety starts taking over and an intrusive thought starts to pop into his brain and he can’t shake it.

What if she leaves you?

What if she doesn’t think you’re a good enough father?

She does all this for you and you treat her like shit the moment you come home?

You don’t deserve her.

Harry’s throat tightens up, it feels hard to breathe for a few minutes as he tries taking slow, deep inhales before repeating the process to help try to regulate his breathing.

He had to make this up to her.

++

Harry manages Easton by himself, that wasn’t an issue, and he was even able to run out to grab YN’s favorite donuts from a few blocks down before she was up.

Harry was currently in the living room, laying on the floor with Easton as he played with these soft, big blocks, and smiled at his father with only two little teeth showing on his bottom gums.

”Morning, well afternoon,” YN laughs as she looks at the clock on the wall, it was nearly twelve and she was able to catch up on all the sleep she desperately needs, “You didn’t need to let me sleep for that long, H. I appreciate it though, felt super nice to be able to get re-energized.”

”It’s the least I could do,” Harry replies, the enthusiasm that was usually in his voice was missing, and he struggled to meet her eye because he was embarassed.

YN knows something is off as she sits down next to them, scooping Easton up and tucking him under her big shirt where he can excitedly start to nurse - he very begrudgingly used a bottle but it was always a bit more difficult to get him to eat with one.

”Are you sure you’re okay?” YN frowns as she rubs his knee, “You seem down. Did something happen?”

”I’m a piece of shit,” Harry chuckles without humor, throwing his hands up, “Isn’t it obvious? I leave you at home with the baby and then the minute I get home, I fall asleep and don’t do shit to help you. On top of that, you made dinner and I didn’t even eat it.”

YN’s frown turns into more of a scowl, “Harry, what has you talking like this? Did someone say something to you? I don’t like when you talk like that. You were exhausted! You were just away for a week, training and playing, and have so much other than that going on. Do you really think that I’m mad about that?”

“I’m mad about how I acted because it effects you,” Harry grits back, his anxiety and depression had a tendency to make him cranky in a way that he normally wouldn’t be, “It’s no excuse. You get no excuses. I need to do better.”

”You need to stop talking like that,” YN retorts as she stares back at him with a twitch of her brow, “Everything is fine. We are fine. Nothing is wrong. This is how our life looks sometimes and that’s okay. You are doing this to take care of us.”

“It feels pretty fuckin’ selfish right now,” Harry shakes his head, standing up and trying to hide the wince from how achey his muscles were, he should do a cold plunge but he’s not going to take anymore time for himself - he dosn’t deserve it.

“How is it selfish?” YN is getting frustrated, her leg shaking slightly but then she stops when she realizes that it’s jostling Easton and he whines in displeasure.

”I get to get a full night’s sleep in a luxury hotel room, you’re here.”

YN scoffs, licking over her teeth, “Yeah, Harry. It’s a massive hardship, living in a three million dollar home in the middle of the Upper East Side. I think I’ll survive.”

“That’s not the fuckin’ point,” Harry cracks his neck, his anxiety made his heart rate feel like he was constantly running a marathon, it was hard for him to keep his composure.

”Don’t talk to me like that,” YN raises her voice, moving to get up with Easton still suckling away, “This isn’t how you show appreciation, Harry. I’m just trying to have a conversation and you have an attitude.”

Harry knows that he’s just going to continue to dig himself a deeper pit than he’s already in if he keeps talking.

Most of the time, he did not feel like like a twenty-one year old despite his boyish looks but right now, he felt like he was acting his age and it wasn’t a good thing.

”Why don’t you take Easton and see your mom today,” YN offers, her voice is still tight but trying to keep it cordial as she brings Easton out from under her shirt.

He was blinking languidly, his lips smacking in satisfaction as his belly was full, and YN hands him over to Harry to take, “Yeah, I’ll get him ready and go.”

It was a good opportunity to give YN a break but he was honestly a bit surprised that she took him up on it or that she didn’t want to come with because when Harry came home, they tried to stay together as much as possible.

He does know that he’s acting like a complete dickhead which makes sense why she wasn’t dying to spend time with him right night, still it was just odd because it’s unlike her.

”Sounds good,” YN pulls out her phone, looking down and fingers flitting across the screen which was also a bit odd, how she was a distracted by it because it was unlike her just like her letting him go alone.

God, Harry was making a fucking mess, wasn’t he? +++++++++++++++++

It stuck out like a sore thumb when Harry was off.

Normally, he was the most easy-going, bubbly, funny person who stole most of the attention when he wasn’t even trying.

It was how he captured everyone’s interest whether it was his big grin that had his dimples showing deep in the pockets of his cheeks, the way he threw his head back and let out these low raspy chuckles, or just how he nodded attentively when someone else was talking.

So when he wasn’t feeling like himself, all those things that lit up rooms disappeared, and it was hard for him to socialize.

Harry was still beating himself up the entire ride outside of the city to his mother’s house, Easton was napping in the back and this would be a nice sleep before the excitement of Nana’s house.

Harry was replaying everything with YN, from the way he was sharp with her to get short with her when she did absolutely nothing to deserve that from him because she was so fucking good to him - all the time.

YN never complained about anything.

She never complained about being at home with the baby alone.

YN never tied to guilt Harry because he was away during the season so much.

It makes it so much worse that he’s not able to hold his shit together even just for YN, he didn’t want her to worry about his mental health, that’s the last thing she needed on her plate.

He was going to figure this out himself.

It wasn’t that he didn’t feel like he couldn’t talk to her, it was more that he knew she cares so much that it might upset her or make her worry when he’s on the road, all he wants for her is to focus on Easton and herself.

Harry normally loves going up to his mom’s, a little lake house that he had bought her with one of his first paychecks, despite how much she huffed and puffed, he knew that it was a dream of hers to live on the water.

It was the least he could do after she did so much to make his dreams come true.

However, despite Harry getting a decent amount of sleep, he felt bone tired and just drained was the best way to explain it - he felt like all the energy that he normally feels has been sucked clean out of him.

He wanted to turn the car around, go home, crawl into bed with YN and Easton, and not have to interact with anyone else for at least a week but that wasn’t possible with his schedule.

Harry should be enjoying his time right now.

They have an off week which meant that he had nearly two and a half weeks at home because the following week were games at their home stadium so he could be home every night.

Harry just couldn’t wait for this season to be over.

And that thought alone alarmed him because he fucking loved baseball, he loved being the best of the best, he loved all the recognition he got but right now his desire was lower than it’s been in a really long time.

When he pulls down the long driveway, a house sat back off the residential road where she had neighbors but there was a good amount of distance between the them to give privacy and seclusion.

He sees that there are multiple cars in the driveway which makes Harry groan because he didn’t realize that his mom was going to call over friends and family since he was coming to visit.

Anne did that sometimes, when Harry called saying that he’d be up, she would call aunts, uncles, relatives, and close friends to come for a barbecue, and it was the last thing he wanted right now.

He was already a bit peeved that his mother didn’t ask him first because he would have very clearly told her that he wasn’t in the mood to entertain people, to answer questions, and talk about baseball for a good five hours.

When Harry opens the back door, Easton’s already awake and smiling at his father with a gummy smile, his two bottom baby teeth made him look so adorable but he knew that more were going to popping through soon.

”Hi, sweetheart,” Harry hums softly as he unbuckles his baby, bringing him up into his arms and into a hug, kissing his temple, “I love you so much, you know that? M’only away so that you have everythin’ you’d ever want. Miss you every second-“

A smack comes heartily on his back, right on his throwing shoulder where the soreness is radiating like a motherfucker, and he has to grit his teeth to not curse and startle Easton.

”Buddy, how much did this ride cost ya?” His Uncle Chuck, his mom’s brother asks obnoxiously, “Saw these things were going for a hundred and some change?”

Harry takes a deep breath, his patience was wearing thin, and he had barely made it out of the car, “I don’t remember how much it cost.”

“That’s what being rich gets you, huh? Twenty-one with a fat bank account and no responsibilities. I would have loved to have a life like yours,” Chuck chortles as he leans up against said expensive SUV, beer in his hand.

“I have plenty of fuckin’ responsibilities,” Harry bites back, scolding himself for cursing in from of Easton, even if he was too young to understand, he tried not to make it a habit.

“Sure you do, bud,” His uncle laughs, clearly not catching onto Harry’s mood, “Last thing I’d want is a baby with everything that you have going on. Growing up too fast.”

“Luckily, it’s not your life,” Harry brushes him off, picking up Easton’s diaper bag on his free shoulder and hikes him up, “We’ll be in soon. Give us a minute.”

His uncle shrugs before staggering off, a drunken sway in his step as he stumbles back towards the house.

Harry buries his nose in Easton’s downy, fresh smelling wispy curls to steady his breathing, he feels a bit emotional as he talks to his son.

“M’sorry, East. Daddy doesn’t feel good right now,” Harry swallows hard, squeezing his eyes shut, “I just have to pull it together. God, I love you. My baby.”

Harry gives himself another minute of grounding before taking a deep exhale and shutting the door, walking towards the house.

Everyone was on the back patio, sipping on drinks, and cheering when they saw him.

Dread settles heavy in Harry’s stomach as his family members as they start asking him about his games, wanting to recap every play he’s made, his sponsorships and his much he’s getting paid.

Harry’s trying to keep up the conversation but all he can think about is how much he didn’t want to be there, and he should have just taken Easton to the park or something more low-key.

When he bumps into his mom in the kitchen, Anne is prepping a salad and smiles back at her son - unaware of his mood.

“Isn’t this fun, hun?” Anne asks happily, sprinkling in some spices as she hums.

“Why couldn’t it have just been us? I have to be around people all the time and I thought it was just going to be you. Now I have to entertain all of them,” Harry’s tone definitely takes her aback as she puts down the tongs she was using.

“Usually you love when everyone’s here, I don’t understand,” Anne’s smile drops, wiping her hands on the dishrag.

“Does anybody ever consider that I don’t love talking about baseball every second of the day or how much money is in my bank account?” Harry’s tone is venomous and resentful, unfairly harsh on his mom when she hadn’t tried to upset him.

“Harr-“ Anne begins to apologize, albeit, a bit confused.

“Easton’s almost ready for a nap,” He cuts her off as he checks his watch, it didn’t really matter what time it was, he was done.

“My bedroom-“

“No, I’m going home,” Harry shakes his head, turning on his heel. He has the decency to look back and say, “Sorry, mom. I just can’t be here.”

Easton was currently being held by his Aunt Jane, he was starting to fuss because he had a bottle not too long ago and he was starting to get cranky.

“Alright, we’re going to head out. East needs his nap,” Harry announces, hiking on the diaper bag, and starting to walk over.

“Oh, we barely see him! Just a few more minutes with this little one. You can hold off his nap for a little!” His Aunt Jane jokingly holds him tighter for a minute and nothing right now is funny to Harry.

Harry doesn’t get loud but his voice gets steely as he reaches down and scoops Easton up from her lap, “Don’t tell me how to take care of my baby, understood?”

His poor aunt is taken aback, just like his mom, and nods.

Harry storms out without another glance back, ignoring the whispers about how odd he was acting and rude.

When he straps Easton in, the dark bubble in belly subsides for a moment- like sun breaking through storm clouds.

“Daaa,” Easton coos, happy but tired, tucking his binky back between his lips.

“Good job, baby,” Harry sniffles, blinking up towards the sky to keep the tears away, “Fuck, get it together.”

Harry had to pepper at least ten kisses on Easton’s warm, sleepy face before he’s able to close the door and get in the driver’s seat.

Harry presses on the console touch screen, calling YN, and he frowns when it goes straight to voicemail which was very unlike her.

He tries again.

Voicemail.

He pulls out his phone, trying to check her location, and it hasn’t updated in the past hour - it was just unusual for her phone to die, always on standby but he tries not to worry.

YN was probably still very pissed off at him, if he was to bet, she put her phone on ‘do not disturb’ so that she could take a well deserved nap and not be bothered.

Harry squeezes the steering wheel, reminding himself once again, “Pull yourself together.”

But in the back of his mind, an anxious thought pops in, well multiple.

What is YN is leaving you?

What if she’s sick of not having you around as much as other wives have their husbands?

First time you see her in a week and you treat her like shit. You really think she’ll stay?

Harry has never once thought like that, even when they’ve gotten in serious fights but god damn, he couldn’t stop his mind from going a million miles a minute, and it felt like shit.

Nothing was wrong.

Everything felt like it’s crumbling.

[ode2rin]

good to me

pairing. itoshi rin x gn!reader

genre. fluff fluff fluff, a bit suggestive… | established relationship | rin w his money money money 

content/warnings. 1.3k+ wc | characters are aged up ! | maybe slightly ooc | mentions of insecurity and anxiety | narration heavy! | minimal proofread

in which: going outfit shopping with itoshi rin is kind of the best and worst idea

“uhm, rin? i don’t think it suits me…?”

“let me see.”

a bit unsure about the clothing draped over you, you adjusted the outfit, preparing to show yourself to your lover who patiently waited on the other side of the dressing room. it wasn't a bad fit per se; in fact, if you were being honest, it looked really good on you. it was just that… there are days that sometimes it is hard to believe so.

and it’s not helping that you’re here today for an important purpose. today, in which, you’re out shopping for an outfit to wear to meet your boyfriend’s parents the day after tomorrow. you will be meeting the itoshis. to say that you were nervous is an understatement. after all, it was an important occasion and a further step in your relationship, so you are hellbent on wanting to make a good impression.

taking a deep breath, you pushed aside any lingering negative thoughts and stepped out of the room, standing in front of rin with your palms facing his direction. you gave a little twirl, showcasing the ensemble.

with that twirl, rin's eyes widened in sheer wonderment, his voice caught in a symphony of awe and admiration, as if the sight of you had stolen his ability to form words.

good heavens.

“what do you think? is it too much?” you asked nervously.

too much for his heart, that is.

rin's silence only intensified the flutter of your heart, anticipation building within you. he knew that his words alone wouldn't suffice to capture the sight before him. without a word, he rose from his seat and closed the distance between you.

“what are you doing, rin?” you questioned, your voice filled with curiosity and a hint of breathlessness.

“showing you what i think,” he replied, his voice laced with unusual tenderness.

with that, rin gently placed his hands on your waist, turning you around until your back pressed against his chest. together, you faced the full-length mirror to your right, offering a reflection of your entwined figures.

his touch was delicate, his hands caressing your hips and settling at your waist, fingers brushing against the fabric of your clothes. you found it hard to meet his gaze in the reflection, your eyes fixated on your own feet.

“eyes up here, love.”

almost instantly, your gaze met the reflection of his burning eyes, filled with affection and a touch of awe.

“so beautiful… all of this for me?” rin murmured, his voice filled with coaxing wonder, his words a teasing dance that feigned ignorance, as if he didn't already know the answer.

his proximity overwhelmed your senses, each breath he took causing a shiver to run down your spine. the earlier anxiety you felt about the meet-up faded away, replaced by a tangible heat emanating from his body pressed intimately against yours. 

as rin's warm breath grazed the delicate curve of your neck, a trail of electric sensation sparked to life, setting your skin ablaze. the gentle brush of his lips against your jaw sent a shiver of anticipation through your veins, intensifying the already charged atmosphere that enveloped you both.

“just for you,” you replied, your voice barely above a whisper.

damn right.

you looked really good in this one, rin thinks so. regardless though, there’s no clothing or any adornment that would ever change the way rin itoshi views you. he looks at you as if you hang each of the stars in the sky. and sure, you obviously did not. but in his world, you did. yet in rin’s true fashion, he won’t tell you that.

instead, he’ll just call you beautiful. so often that you’d forget what your name even was.

but how can he do that when there’s a glint of weariness in your eyes telling him you don’t believe the word right now?

rin, his arms now securely wrapped around your waist, gazes into your eyes through the mirror.

“what’s the matter?” he asks, concern etched in his voice, seeing right through your worries.

“do you think they’ll like me?” you whisper, insecurity lacing your words.

“they will,” rin assures you, his voice brimming with conviction.

“how are you so sure?” you inquire, your fingers tracing mindless patterns on rin's forearms that encircle your body, seeking both physical and emotional comfort.

rin wanted to tell you that he couldn't care any less about what others thought of you. you were his, and damn sure he was yours. it was everything and more that truly mattered. nothing could come between that, never on his watch.

but he knows that's not what you need to hear, and what kind of lover would he be if he couldn't attend to your needs?

“well, you are with me. what more reason should there be?”

“you’re right, they should like me for even putting up with you,” you tease playfully, a small smile gracing your lips.

“shut up.” 

“see, baby? i am putting up with that attitude. poor me, really,” you continue, a mischievous tint dancing your tone.

“as if you don’t put up with me by choice. you chose me,” rin counters, his voice getting uncharacteristically soft at the end.

you turn in his embrace, your hands finding their place around his neck. with a soft gaze, you meet his eyes, then let your gaze linger on his lips before returning to his eyes once more.

teal. it’s all you could see. 

teal eyes that held so much ferocity in the field, impersonal to anyone but you. 

with you, they transform into a celestial abyss, twinkling with the secrets of a thousand constellations. within those pools of teal, you discover the entire universe of his love, a galaxy created solely for you.

you are the sole witness to this cosmic devotion, a privilege you very much cherish.

“that, i did,” you say softly, your voice filled with sincerity. “best thing i did, if i say so myself.”

and for that, rin will spend each day showing you how grateful he is. in this moment, however, he decides to express it through a tender kiss, a silent gesture of his affection to which you eagerly respond.

as the kiss lingers, you both pull away, a soft smile gracing your lips. the taste of sweetness and the warmth of his touch still lingers, leaving you with a pleasant tingle on your lips.

“get this, and everything you tried before it,” rin suggests, his eyes scanning you from head to toe once again.

“we agreed on getting just one!” you knew about rin’s tendency to spoil you, so you made it a point to inform him about your request on keeping it in moderation before entering the shop.

but rin itoshi? moderate? you should’ve known better. 

a playful smirk tugs at rin's lips. that smirk looks like another headache waiting to happen, carved in his sinful lips.

“i remember agreeing on getting anything i’ll find good on you.”

and did he find everything good in you? ‘good’ will never come close to how rin sees you. you guys should do this more often, rin thinks. you giving him a bit of a fashion show, and him showing great appreciation.

“but i tried a lot!” you tried protesting once more. you had been here for almost an hour, trying on countless outfits. the total of everything you tried would probably be someone's bank account's worst nightmare.

“okay, and?”

well, certainly not your boyfriend's bank account, that's for sure.

note. i wrote this on my phone pls forgive me for any errors you see ._. | the girl i sat next to on the bus was watching a kdrama scene like this so… i was having the biggest brain rot of my life while sitting on a damn bus for 2 hours  ^__^ | and i miss rin i miss him | so here <3

[schemmentigfs]

Future Milf, part two.

part one!

paring: melissa schemmenti x reader.

summary: after the incident in the teacher's lounge, you start to avoid melissa who is willing to know what happened and trying to get things back to normal.

warnings: just a little angst but trust me, we have a happy ending!

author notes: This is a little rushed, but I hope you all enjoy this second part 🤍 I also wanted to thank the beautiful people who are sending requests for Mel, they are amazing and i'm already working on them! And don't worry, feel free to send any idea that comes to mind. It will be an honor for me to turn them into reality.

tags: @esposadejoyhuerta @gweninred @moistblobfish

English is not my first language, so I apologize for any mistakes!

The truth was that Melissa was completely disoriented, her brain trying to process what had happened in the last seven minutes. You acting like that and apologizing, leaving the room as quickly as possible made her worried as hell.

All she wanted was to comfort you and know what was really happening. There were a lot of doubts in her mind, to be honest. Had she done something? Or said something? The way you couldn't look into her green eyes was so strange..

Everything between you two was great until today, and then it all suddenly fell apart at lunchtime? That made her feel a little paranoid.

“Melissa, are you well? Are you hurt?” Barb asks.

“I don't know,” she said, staring into nothing, worrying her friends, “I just need to check on her.” The redhead gets up and runs to start looking for you.

“MELISSA! WAIT!” the entire Abbott crew screams, but she completely ignores it.

She stops in front of your classroom and notices that the door is locked. The lights are off, but Melissa knows you're in there.

“Sweetheart, please let me in,” she knocks gently, “I am not mad with ya. Don't worry about it, I just want to know how you are.” The older woman adds, almost begging for you to open the door.

Locked inside your classroom, you were sitting on the floor. Curled up hugging your knees, trying to find some comfort while crying. The whole situation was so fucking stupid, of course. But it still left you overwhelmed and on the verge of an anxiety attack.

So lending Melissa the future milf t-shirt made you completely lose your mind? Wow, you really were a stupid person. Stupid. That word stuck in your brain and made you cry even more.

Hearing your quiet sobs made the redhead's heart break into pieces. The thought of her doing something that made you hurt was utterly painful. The truth was that Melissa would blame herself for the rest of her life if she had made you feel bad in any way.

“Hon, c'mon. Let me—” she started.

“Don't. Melissa, please. Just go away, I need to be alone,” you interrupt her, hoping she would understand that you didn't have the strength to say anything else.

Before walking away, she whispers loud enough for you to hear. “If you need anything, you know where to find me. But please, promise me you'll be okay.” The redhead said trying to wipe away the small tears that threatened to fall from her face.

“I'll be fine. Now go.” You growl, unaware that your words have fully gotten to her.

—

It had been a while since Melissa changed her mood so quickly. She had learned to control her emotions, thanks to you, who helped her notice that it was okay to show them from time to time and it wasn't shameful at all. But at that moment everything seemed useless.

Her legs were shaking slightly and she kept tapping her fingers on the desk, while trying to focus on correcting some of the children's homeworks. It was clear that Melissa was almost having a huge panic attack.

Ashely, who was now scrolling through her cell phone boredly after making sure the students were doing their activities calmly and in silence, noticed the sudden change in the redhead and her eyebrows raised in confusion.

“What’s the matter, boss? You seem a little quiet since lunch time. Which is strange ‘cause earlier you were all excited and—”

The older woman rolls her eyes. “Nothing happened. I'm fine,” she responds, clenching her teeth, “everything is ok, kid.”

“Are you sure? I know we’re not that close, but if you need to vent, I’m all ears.” The girl shrugs.

Melissa's eyes widen, her aide was really willing to give her some advice? Normally, Ashley didn't tend to be very serious. When she tried to help, the girl always ended up saying things that were a bit nonsense. But this time, she was here ready to be a shoulder to lean on.

“Y/n..” she started but quickly corrected herself, not quite ready to confide the crush she had on you to anyone else than Barbara. “Today, a strange thing happened between me and a friend that honestly left me completely confused.”

“Oh. Do you have any idea what might have happened?”

Melissa stops for a moment, trying to get her head to work and think of a reason that could explain what had happened between the two of you.

“I-I can't explain it properly...everything was normal between us and when lunch time came...” the teacher stuttered, “she could barely look at me and when I told her to act like a real adult and tell me what was happening, she panicked and ran away.”

“After that you were able to talk to her?”

“Kinda, but she told me to leave her alone.”

Ashley gives her a pitying look, she knew who Melissa was referring to. Anyone who works at Abbott would know. “I'm sorry this happened boss, but I'm sure things will get better between you and her. Just give her a little time.”

Melissa nodded and smiled. “Thanks for the advice, hon.”

“Anytime boss, anytime.”

—

Changing my life with the wave of her hand.

Nobody can deny that there's something there.

There.

Running my hands through her hair.

Both of us thinking how good it can be.

Someone is speaking, but she doesn't know he's there.

The melody of Here, There And Everywhere by The Beatles echoed throughout the kitchen directly from the small radio on the balcony, while Melissa prepared dinner.

This was one of the many songs she always wanted to dedicate to you, the redhead dreamed of dancing with her arms around you, after a busy day at school while this song played. Just the two of you, enjoying each other's company.

Was it quite cliché? Of course it was, even for the one and only Melissa Schemmenti. But to be honest, she didn't care how it sounded.

The older woman was so in love with you that she thought of endless romantic scenarios every day. After what happened today, every one of them seemed distant. But she still had a simple hope within her.

“Watching her eyes, and hoping I'm always there,” she sings passionately, while cutting the tomatoes perfectly, “I want her everywhere, and if she is beside me. I know I need never care, but to love her is to need her everywhere.” Melissa closes her eyes for a moment, thinking about you.

On the way out, she looked for you in the Abbott parking lot but was unsuccessful, she was waiting for a message from you, saying that you had arrived home safely like you always did.

But you didn't send her anything.

A feeling ran through her body. It was as if the redhead was losing the most precious thing in her life. Desperate, Melissa picked up her cellphone that was leaning on the living room table and went to check on you. Screw the advice Ashely gave earlier, she couldn't wait anymore.

Hon, are you feeling better? I hope so. By the way, did you manage to get home safely?

Sorry if I sound desperate, but I need to know if things are ok.

Y/n? Please answer me.

Her heart breaks into pieces when she sees that you just viewed the message and didn't even make the effort to reply back. For fuck’s sake, what had she done that was so serious? Nothing made sense anymore.

Just a few blocks away, you were lying on the couch and drinking an entire bottle of vodka, pretending like you didn't care about not responding to Melissa's messages. It was immature, but it seemed to make sense to you. Since this whole milf situation was a complete disaster, ignoring her seemed right.

Of course, inside you felt like a monster, knowing that the redhead didn't deserve this. But what you could do?

“I’m ready to open another bottle and listen to a two-hour-plus loop of Chamber of Reflection,” you say, making Ava sigh.

The principal had stopped by your house hours ago to check on you and when she saw the miserable state you were in, she decided to stay there for a while. And tried to comfort you (in the most Ava Coleman way possible.)

“Y/N. Come on, you can't act like Schemmenti doesn't exist. If you keep doing that, she'll soon break into your place to find out what's going on,” she comments, “just like an episode of a soap opera where the greatest absurdities happen in an exactly dramatic way.” Ava finished her sentence while painting her nails a shade of red. The act catching your attention.

Red. It reminded you of Melissa.

Yeah, this was being harder than it seemed.

“Shut up, she won't come after me,” you said it like it was just another one of the stupid things Ava used to say.

“Yes, she will. And y’know that very well.”

—

The next day, Melissa sat with her arms crossed at the table she shared with Barb and you. The redhead stared at the small tupperware in front of her, last night she made what she knew was your favorite dish: pancakes. She was anxiously waiting for you to show up in the break room, but that didn't happen.

Keep calm, Schemmenti. She will appear soon. She won't ignore you.

“Dear..” the kindergarten teacher whispers and she snorts, trying to change the subject, disguising how tense she was.

“What’s so interesting out there?” Melissa asks as she notices Janine, Gregory and Jacob looking at each other with strange expressions after spying in the window.

“Nothing.” Jacob is the first to respond and the couple agrees with him, swearing that there was nothing interesting outside.

She laughs humorlessly, the history teacher simply didn't know how to lie.

“C'mon, kiddo. You guys look like you've seen a ghost.” The redhead gets up from the table and approaches the three, squinting to see anything out of the ordinary and when she does. Her breathing hitches.

On the sidewalk, there were you and another teacher, who she recognized as the art teacher. The woman was happily chatting with you and leaning too close to Melissa's chagrin.

Ms. Evans was know for her big crush on you, she was always fighting with the redhead to have your attention. And now that Melissa was being ignored by you, this bitch thought she could have you all to herself? No way.

“YOU GOTTA BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!” she yelled coming down to get some satisfaction from you.

The sound of angry footsteps caught your attention, it was clearly that they belong to who you had been avoiding since yesterday, Melissa.

The wish was for the redhead to pass straight by without noticing your presence there. But instead, she approached and with a certain force grabbed you by the arm, taking you to one of the far corners of the building.

“Melissa! What the fuck?” you said.

“So while I was worried to death there in the staff room because you didn't talked to me since yesterday, you were here talking normally to that idiot!” the older woman's tone was altered, you could clearly hear the jealousy in her voice, “Had fun with your new best friend?”

“She’s not my best friend. We were just talking,” the nonsensical accusation makes you roll your eyes, letting out a mocking chuckle. “Melissa, stop acting like that!” you shout and she loses her temper even more.

“You suddenly act like a bitch and I’m the one to blame? What the fuck is wrong with you, Y/n?” she growls, fire in her green eyes.

“I dunno, a lot of things I suppose,” you retort coldly.

Melissa sighs when she realizes how tough she was. “Look, I don’t want to be an idiot. But please tell me what I did, so I can fix it.”

“We have nothing to fix between us, Schemmenti.”

“What? Are you really going to ignore it and pretend like none of this is happening?” The redhead asked in disbelief.

“Trust me. It’s better this way, for both of us,” you mumble, walking away from her, leaving an upset Melissa behind.

—

After the ‘argument’ on Tuesday, Melissa and you barely crossed paths at Abbott. And when you bumped into each other in the hallway, both grumbled and went back to your own ways.

The redhead and you were fighting the need to put the damned pride aside and throw yourselfs into each other's arms, and finally apologizing. But you were too stubborn for that and it was fucking complicated.

“This is stupid! Can you believe that Y/n started going to that coffee shop that's just a few blocks away from here just so she wouldn't have to face me at lunch? This whole thing is starting to irritate me.” Melissa tells to her best friend one morning.

“I understand that this situation is complicated, but don’t you think that both of you are exaggerating?” Barb asked carefully. Even she couldn't handle this situation anymore, it was disappointing to have to see you and Melissa acting like two children.

Ava who was listening to the conversation cautiously, decided to interrupt. “Schemmenti, haven’t you put the pieces together yet? Unbelievable.” She said as if it was something of small importance, making the redhead's eyebrows raise in confusion.

“Huh?”

“It’s so simple, I thought you already figured it all out,” the principal continues in a mysterious tone, making Melissa's head spin, “If it weren’t for this bullshit, you and Y/n would already be like two rabbits jumping on top of each other, if you know what I mean.”

The last comment makes Barb choke on her tea. “Ava, could you not be so specific about this? We’re in a school!” she scolds her.

“Whatever! It’s past time for her to know that Y/n likes her too. Even Janine and Gregory acted better than that!”

Everything around Melissa seemed to have gone silent. So was it true, the feelings were also reciprocal. A lot of questions surrounded her mind, why didn't you say anything? Why did you decide to pretend you weren't in love with her? Were you afraid of not being reciprocated?

“Why is she avoiding me then?” the redhead asks out loud, “that’s making me lose my mind. I just miss her.”

“Because of the t-shirt she lend ya. Mainly ‘cause of the last word printed on it.” That's all Ava says at that moment.

“A milf?” Melissa questions, still confused trying to think of putting the pieces together. “What does that mean? Is it something bad?”

“I was going to suggest you to google the meaning, but since you look like you're about to have a heart attack, I will tell ya,” she laughs and the redhead rolls her eyes, showing Ava her middle finger, “but don't be scared, it's a good thing, actually.”

“Alright..” the green-eyed woman whispers, still afraid of the answer, “so what does this whole milf thing means?”

“Mother I'd Like To Fuck. It also means that an older woman is super attractive.”

Melissa was left open-mouthed, her eyes blinking trying to process the explanation. So that was the damn meaning, well, she had to admit that was hot. “Wait... so Y/n..” she starts but there is a pause.

“Is in love with you and was scared when she saw ya wearing that t-shirt looking extremely hot, and preferred to stay away in case you found out what she felt.” Ava reveals it like it's the most obvious thing in the world, “What are you waiting for? Go find your girl, Schemmenti.”

—

Time passed slowly to Melissa's disgust and despair, making the poor woman sigh feeling defeated. As each second passed, she glanced quickly at the clock on her classroom wall, waiting for the afternoon to end.

After her students left, and the school day was finally over. She drove to your house — without caring about traffic regulations and rules — nothing else really mattered, she just needed to see you.

Sitting on the floor, while assembling a Lego set that simulated a beautiful bouquet of flowers — a gift you received from Janine and Gregory days ago, a lovely attempt by the couple to cheer you up — the sound of the doorbell ringing caught your attention. Making you stop your movements.

You furrowed your eyebrow in confusion, who could it be? Most of your friends were at different appointments at that time. So it certainly wasn't one of them.

“I'm almost coming! I just hope you’re not a stupid lunatic or some other ,” you grumbled, standing up as the sounds of the doorbell seemed more desperate with each passing second.

You opened the door and found Melissa standing there with her arms crossed, shivering slightly from the storm. “Hon, it’s so good to see you again.” She murmurs with a weak smile. Without caring if her voice sounds too desperate.

“Mel, what are you doing here? You might catch a damn cold like that.” You scolded her, pulling her into the house and locking the door again.

“I don’t care about that, I needed to see you. Actually we have to talk.” She responds taking off the black leather jacket that covered her body and hanging it where you kept your coats.

“We have to?” There is a little hesitation in the tone of your voice, all that courage and confidence have disappeared from your body. Insecurity taking over.

“Yeah, hon. We do.” She replied, noticing your nervousness, Melissa tries to comfort you, placing her hand on your shoulder and stroking it lovingly, showing that everything was fine. You smile for the first time in days in the presence of your beloved redhead.

She takes you to the small white sofa that was in the middle of the living room. “I know you were avoiding me because of that shirt. And I know you're in love with me.”

“What? Fuck, how did you figure all this out?” you whisper in panic, covering your face with your hands. Feeling vulnerable at the mercy of the red-haired figure sitting next to you.

A silence fell in the room, making you feel even more embarrassed.

“Ava told me those things earlier today. Hon, why didn't you tell me anything? That would have made everything so much easier.”

“What do you mean by making things easier? I don't understand.”

“I'm love with you too, idiot. I just didn't say before ‘cause I was insecure as fuck. But now, I know exactly what I want: you. No one else, just you.” She confessed with a smile on her face.

Automatically your body falls even more on the couch and you feel slightly dizzy. Closing your eyes slowly, trying to regain consciousness. “Sorry, I'm a bit nervous,” you respond. “It's too much to process. Jesus Christ.”

“Don’t be nervous, it’s me. Just me,” Melissa pulls you into her lap sighing as she smells your lavender scent again. “I'm sorry if I acted like a bitch the last few days. It was not necessary.”

“It was never your fault, I was the real bitch. You didn’t deserve to go through this just because of an irresponsible attitude of mine,” you say, resting your foreheads together.

“I think it's fair to say that we overreacted a bit,” the older woman smiles with her eyes closed. Feeling a slight courage run through her body, she asks you something. “Sweetheart?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I kiss you?” Melissa asks biting her lip and slowly approaching, “I wanna do this since New Year's Eve.”

“Yes, please, Mel.” You beg wrapping your arms around her neck.

The moment her lips touched yours, it felt like you were in heaven. Melissa's lips were soft against yours. The kiss was calm and peaceful, both wanting to show all the love you felt for each other.

“You know, being considered a milf is an honor for me.” Melissa scoffs with a mischievous smile as you pull away from the kiss.

“Shut up.” You chuckle, cupping her cheeks.

“Make me,” the redhead teases, “please.”

[hee0soo]

Left me waiting - A S[e]oul Story -2-

Pairing — Kim Hongjoong x Foreigner!Reader

Summary — 2 phones and 2 people staring at them for days... neither of them knowing what to do or think...

Genre — fluff

AU/Trope Info — Idol!Au, SliceofLifeAu

Wordcount — 1.1k

Warnings — none

Rating — sfw

Disclaimer: this fic is written and copyrighted by ©hee0soo on tumblr. do not rewrite or repost on any other plattforms without my permission.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED!

Unsure what to do, you stared at the piece of paper Hongjoong had given you 3 days ago during your visit at KQ. The writing on it seemed to glare at you as you contemplated on what to do with it.

Should you really text him like he had asked?

So far you had not had the guts to actually open a new chat for him, hadn’t even saved his number yet as you didn’t know if it was a smart idea.

All the things that could go wrong were racing through your head. What if he thought you were boring, or if he would get in trouble for handing out his privat number just like that! Or even worse, what if a sasaeng somehow caught wind of what had transpired inside the company 3 days ago?!

It just didn’t seem like a good idea in your mind.

And yet here you were. Late at night, bundled in your hotel room blanket with the little note in one hand and your phone in the other.

It would only take one press of your finger and his number would have been saved, or you could just go back, not save it and throw the paper into the trash. The matter would have been solved either way.

You wondered if he waited for you to text him. Wondered if he was waiting or if he had already forgotten about the encounter. A part of you wished he had while the other part, the part that was selfishly hoping he remembered you, did not.

You looked back down at the note. The scribble looked a bit messy in your opinion, but it fit him.

Hesitant you typed in the number to save it for now. The text icon seemingly teasing you as it sat there innocently like it was not causing a raging storm of anxiety inside your head.

Groaning in frustration you flopped back into the pillows on the bed.

So what if you texted him, huh? What was the worst thing that could happen? After all, it was him who had willingly given his number to you, not the other way around and if Hongjoong had truly changed his mind about this, then the worst thing happening was just not getting an answer at all.

That, you could actually live with.

And so you quickly typed something into the message bar.

Uhm hi - Send 11:43 pm

I don’t know if you remember me but you kinda gave me your number a few days ago - Send 11:43 pm

It’s y/n btw - Send 11:44 pm

---------

Tired and ready to drop dead where he was standing, Hongjoong followed his members inside their dorm.

For once, he had actually managed to part ways with his studio without having the others drag him out by the hair. Preparations for the upcoming comeback were always exhausting, but this time he seemed to struggle more then usual.

“You good, hyung?” Mingi asked in passing with his eyebrow raised almost into his hairline. The smaller rapper, waved his concern off with a nod.

“Yeah, I’m good. Just could use some sleep.”

Mingi took it. They all knew what the leader meant as it was a common thing to be felt in the group and especially for their second oldest it was almost like he was just dragging himself through those days.

“The bathroom is free right now if you want,” Seonghwa suggested from his place on the couch. He had gotten home a bit earlier with Wooyoung and Yeosang and had both of them pressed to his sides. Yeosang was snoring gently against his shoulder, not at all catching what was happening on the TV while their second youngest was playing dome game on his phone.

Hongjoong knew that Seonghwa hadn’t meant his words as a suggestion but more like a silent demand for him to hurry up and go to bed already and while the rapper would have fought him on any other day, today he just accepted it.

He dragged himself to the bathroom, quickly getting rid of his clothes to step into the shower.

The hot water running down his body let his tense shoulders relax, warming his hurting muscles from dance practice and soothing the pain as best as it could.

Hongjoong let his thoughts run wild, his mind going back to his phone where he was still hoping to get a message from the cute woman that had brought his airpods back to him.

But now, 3 days later, there was still nothing. His hope was slowly dyeing with every passing hour and he wondered if he had come on to strong.

Maybe you had gotten rid of the paper he had given you or even worse, sold it so someone! Or maybe he had let the managers gotten into his head with their possible horror stories about what could have happened.

Was it stupid to just hand his private number to you, an atiny who had obviously known who he was just based on the fact that you knew where to find him on a random Tuesday? Possibly.

But if you had really wanted to sell him out, then why did you bring his belongings back to him in the first place? So no, Hongjoong did not think that you sold it to anyone. The missing spam texts from random people was another clue to that.

Sighing he washed up.

Maybe he should just give up waiting. If you hadn’t texted now, it was highly unlikely that you were going to at this point. However he did feel his ego get a little hit in the process.

Hongjoong shut off the water just as someone knocked on the door.

“Hyung can you hurry? I still need to shower too!” San whined through the wooden door as he dried himself off with the towel waiting on their toilet.

“I’ll be out soon, San-ah!” he yelled a muttered a loving “Brat..” to himself.

San sauntered away and while the leader finished his skin care, he didn’t notice his phone on the counter lighting up with new messages.

Only when he was out and in his room already did he almost drop his phone when he saw it.

Grinning happily into his pillow he typed back…

Taglist: @lelaleleb @roronoas-wife

[serendipitouslife90]

A/N: It has been 12 years since I have written anything. I keep dreaming of writing again one day. I barely have time for myself, so it never happens. Today I really wanted to break the ice. Just wrote a little drabble that has been on my mind and writing it in midnight middle of my sleep.

P.S. Don't have time to do any form of proofreading. Just typing in my phone.

Warnings: None.

What took you so long?

48 hours ago, if anyone had told Bucky that this would be his future, he would have awkwardly laughed it off. His life always seems to take the most dramatic and surreal turns.

.

.

(2 days earlier)

When Bucky had first talked to you, he was instantly smitten. When he had become friends with you, his crush only became worse. He started imagining and fantasizing the perfect life with you.

The relationship, however, is a far cry from his fantasies. He, filled with shame and regret, wanted to breakup but no one could fool you. You saw right through him. You figured out, quite quickly into the relationship that even the slightest of touches causes his anxiety to spike up. Bucky didn't want to burden you with his problems.

That's the day you assured him, in kind words that he needn't feel pressurized to meet any for of societal timelines in a relationship. You started meeting up with a therapist to get the right resources to be his pillar of support. You were working diligently, with his consent, on his issues. He was grateful. He fell in love with you so deeply that it scared him.

Recently, a tiny thought started reverberating in his brain.

"What if, one day, you realize that he truly doesn't deserve this? He is not worth it. It has been more than a year. What has he offered you? He could barely kiss you on the cheek."

The mere thought of separation just created a visceral reaction in him: his palm sweating, his stomach twisting and he just wanted to puke.

"What's the matter Bucky? I can feel your eyes on me," you said, eyes still on your phone, with a smile on your face. That beautiful smile and the voice laced with love is enough for Bucky to stop that mini meltdown in his head.

"It's just ... " Bucky sighed, his broad shoulders slumping forward.

You kept your phone down and looked at his dejected posture. You went near him and held out your hands. He grabbed it almost immediately and you patiently waited, giving him time to articulate his thoughts.

"It's just... It has been more than a year now and I still get clammed up to even kiss ya." He mumbled grumpily but you know the sweat in his palms indicated that this has been eating him for sometime now.

"Bucky... Why are you so hard on yourself?" You said, rubbing your thumb across his palm. "You have progressed so much. Give yourself some credit." A playful smirk appeared on your face when you continued, "Besides, I don't care if you don't even give a kiss at the altar. You are stuck with me."

Bucky's brain just short-circuited. His jaw slacked a bit.

"What?-" You asked, clearly oblivious to what you just said

" You... would marry me?" Bucky interrupted with shiny eyes, his face filled with awe.

"Is that a proposal, James? You winked.

His face blushed a rosy pink. Pure joy danced in his eyes as you lovingly replied,

"Because if it is, I am saying yes, in a heart beat. Let's go to the courthouse right now."

A sheepish smile appeared in his face.

He couldn't stop thinking about you being his wife. He had this goofy grin the whole day, making every other Avenger curious.

......

........

(Present)

Your lighthearted words really did a number on your boyfriend, or must you say fiancé now.

This morning Bucky came to you with absolute conviction and said, "Are you sure you wanna marry me? I am going to hold you to your promise. I am taking you to the courthouse today."

"What took you so long?" You winked.

A/N: Holy shit! It is 5AM already. Gotta catch up on some sleep. Will be posting on AO3 later today. A little conversation with a fellow writer on AO3, LitaKino inspired me to write again.

P.S. And yeah, I am a bit outdated. "What took you so long?" is from the pilot of Dharma and Greg.

[alotofpockets]

Breaking point | Reneé Rapp x Reader

Where Reneé comforts you after exam season gets the better of you

Warnings: reader has anxiety, adhd, and an ed. If there any inaccuracies please let me know!

Reneé masterlist | Words: 1.5k

-----

Exam season was hated by most, and rightfully so. The stress put on students to learn everything the semester was for not just one subject, but all of them in the matter of a few weeks, was an insane amount. For you it wasn’t just stressful, it was almost impossible.

You had been at it for weeks now, sitting at your desk and trying to get the information in your brain. At this point you wondered what the use was. No matter how long you stared at the pages, none of the words you read stuck. Your ADHD was making it harder to focus than ever. Every noise, or glimpse of something in the corner of your eye, pulled your focus away.

The room was a mess. Textbooks, notes and flashcards were scattered not just on your desk but across the floor. Usually your chaos had some organisation to it, but now it was all just laying somewhere random. You cursed yourself for straying from your usual organisation, cause you couldn’t find anything, which only fueled your anxiety more.

On your desk also stood four half-full glasses with different contents, all started but long forgotten about before getting a new one. That seemed to be your pattern these days, starting something, then getting distracted and never finishing it. 

Food was a whole new topic. Your girlfriend had brought you a plate of food for breakfast earlier today. The gesture was really sweet, but even the thought of taking a bite was too much. Your mind convinces you that you didn’t deserve to eat until you retained some of the knowledge. Even though you were well aware that your body needed the nutritions, your brain kept you in the constant cycle of not being worthy of a meal.

You stared at the pages before you, and all the words blended together. This was no use. All subjects merged together, and you didn't think you could ever make sense of any of it. Your chest tightened as your mind started racing again. I am a failure. I can’t do this. Why can’t I just focus like everyone else? The more you tried to calm yourself down, the worse it got.

Before you knew it, your frustration boiled over. With a huff, you swipe your desk clean, sending everything crashing to the floor. The clash of your drink glasses and plates breaking onto the floor, matched with the scream you let out in frustration, makes your girlfriend rush into the room.

Reneé finds you on the floor with tears streaming down your face, trying to pick up the broken glass. “Baby?” She said softly, keeping her voice calm, even though her worry was still noticeable in her tone.

You look up at her with tears in your eyes. “I can't do this anymore.”, you sobbed. Reneé crouched down beside you, and took your hands in hers. “It's okay. Let's take a break, alright?” You shake your head, “I can't. I have to keep going.” The words echoing in your mind all rush out. “I have to get this done. I am running out of time. I can’t fail this.”

Reneé takes your hands in hers, a way to give comfort, but also to make sure you wouldn't cut yourself. “I know, darling,” Reneé said softly, her voice steady as she looked into your eyes. “But right now, you’re too frustrated. That’s not going to help you focus. You need a break, just to breathe, okay?”

You don't respond, but stop resisting, so Reneé stands up slowly. “Come on, I'll run you a bath to relax.” You let her help you up and fall into her arms. “I've got you baby.” She walks you to the bathroom, and helps you get ready for the bath. “Just try to clear your mind for a moment, I will be right back.” She placed a soft kiss onto your forehead before she left the bathroom.

With your eyes closed, you tried to push down the way your mind was racing. It took a while but then all of a sudden your mind was quiet, and you let the tension leave your body, and lay back in the bathtub.

In your study room, Reneé carefully cleaned up the broken glass. When all of the broken pieces had been thrown away, she took a look around the room, and realised that there was no order to your chaos. She knew you well enough to know that this wasn’t your system, and also good enough to know what was. She spent some time organising your notes as best as she could before she deemed the room ready.

She had also seen the untouched plate of food, and realised that you were probably struggling with it more again. Reneé had been there through the ups and downs of your eating disorder. You had been doing quite well with it recently, having it under control most days, but she should’ve known that the amount of stress you were feeling would affect that control.

Before she heads back to the bathroom, she heads into the kitchen and prepares some toast. Toast was the most likely item of food for you to be able to eat, and she hoped that today was one of those days where your mind would allow you to have at least a couple of bites.

She lets out a sigh of relief when she walks in and sees you have been able to let go of some of the stress. “Hi baby.” She lets her hand fall over yours as she kneels down besides the bath. You open your eyes slowly, “Thank you.” Reneé always knew what you needed, and you would forever be grateful that she would take care of you in your lowest moments.

Reneé had grabbed you some comfy clothes, and had gotten into some herself as well. You got dressed and she brushed your hair for you. “I made some toast, if you would like to have some. If not, we can just sit in the kitchen for a bit and talk.” You nodded in agreement, knowing that you needed some time away from the study room before you would be able to have any luck in retaining any of the information.

You took a look at the toast, and your mind had already decided that taking a break was more than enough of a freebie, so eating wasn’t going to be allowed either. To try and distract yourself from that fact, you chatted with your girlfriend. 

While getting distracted was usually something that frustrated you, getting distracted by your girlfriend had a different effect. It was easier to focus on her, when she talked about something she loved with nothing but passion, it was like you got sucked right in.

Without even realising it, you had taken a couple of bites of your toast, while listening to Reneé talk about a song she had started working on earlier today. Reneé noticed, but was quick to hide her proud smile, to not put the focus on that in the hopes of you getting a few more bites in.

It was only when you went to grab another piece of toast, and there was nothing left on your plate, that you realised you had been eating. “Wait, I just did that?” Now Reneé openly showed her proud smile, “You did.”

You looked at your plate in disbelief. “I can’t believe I just did that.” Having a meal without thinking about it was not something that often happened. “I’m proud of you darling.” She reached out her hand over the table and held yours.

“I know it’s a big ask, but what do you say we take the rest of the day off and just do some relaxing?” Your eyes shot up at her, and she knew instantly that she had to convince you further. “Movie night now, so you can be all recharged for tomorrow. I can even help you study like before? You can focus on my voice while I read out the information for you. How does that sound?” It took a lot out of you to agree, but you did. “Okay, you go get comfy in bed and pick a movie, and I will clean this up really quickly.” 

A few minutes later Reneé joined you in the bed and the two of you cuddled up together. “Thank you for always taking care of me.” You say softly. “Of course, I will always take care of my girl.”

While the exam season wasn’t over yet, you knew that the break tonight was necessary to push forward tomorrow. With that thought in mind, you were able to push away the stress you were having momentarily and enjoy the movie with your girlfriend.

-----

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[fantasyescapes17]

Wings (Part 1)

Your debut in society was as spectacular as one could be, but nobody had prepared you for what came afterward. When you find yourself overwhelmed during your very first season and unable to keep up with the rat race to secure yourself an eligible husband, a curious mentor appears- in the form of notorious flirt and self-proclaimed rake, Mr. Kim Mingyu.

Genre: Mingyu x Female!reader. Regency!AU (It's sort of Bridgerton-esque in the sense that I give zero attention to historical accuracy and prioritize aesthetics lmao) You are Jeonghan's sibling so your last name is Yoon but the reader has no other physical characteristics.

Warnings: Reader frequently displays signs resembling (undiagnosed) social anxiety.

Word Count: 5k+

Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

Series Masterlist [You WILL need to read Patience, the earlier installment in this series first in order to understand the character dynamics in this story. Reading Candle before this is also strongly recommended.]

Your mother's grip on your arm was painfully tight. 

Today was, after all, one of the most important days of her life. Mrs. Yoon had presented one of her daughters at court a few years earlier (your elder sister) but the stakes were much, much, higher with you. 

"I never had much hope for your sister," your mother said dismissively as she fussed with the exquisite fabric of your dress. The heavily embroidered gown had been custom-ordered for today; the day of your presentation. Being presented in court before the queen was a vital ceremony that every marriage-minded young lady undertook to enter society as a debutante.

"Mother…" you said patiently, but she ignored you, too caught up in her own nerves to notice your discomfort. 

"I knew that your sister would cause trouble and look what she did- courting a widower-oh! I cannot bear to think of it. Thank goodness she is not here to ruin your debut. My darling, you have no need to worry. You are far more beautiful than your sister, and your manners are sweet and reasonable. You will make us very proud."

You may have been sweet and reasonable, as your mother liked to put it, but you were not ignorant. The weight your mother had placed on your shoulders to make a splash during your debut social season and snatch up an eligible gentleman was not easy to carry. 

Neither was the dress you wore that weighed about two tons. 

"We are next," your mother released your dress and turned her attention to your hair. "Remember what I taught you. Walk slowly and confidently. Keep your face lowered but not so low that they can't see your pretty features, and-"

Your mother did not have time to finish. The man at the entrance to the royal throne room announced your name loudly. 

"Miss Yoon, presented by her mother, Mrs. Yoon!"

Your chest tightened. Taking a deep breath, you walked forward slowly and gracefully in the same way that you had practised hundreds of times at home. The large hall was filled with quietly chattering members of the ton. The most elite society of London had their eyes on you. 

You did not look around the grand hall in fear of setting off your fragile nerves. Instead, you chose a spot on the velvet carpet at the foot of the Queen's throne and fixed your gaze firmly on it as you walked forward. You finally reached the throne and bowed deeply. 

"Hmm," the Queen said as she observed you. You did not dare lift your eyes to look at her. "A pretty little thing. She will do well."

Relief. 

You could almost feel your mother's delight radiating from a few steps behind you as you bowed once more to the queen and turned to leave. The walk back felt much easier. Although the dress was just as heavy as it had always been, some of the imaginary load had been shed and your shoulders felt lighter. 

The presentation had gone well. 

Or at least, it had not gone badly. 

Your mother embraced you once you were outside and you allowed yourself to slump against her in a mixture of exhaustion and relief. You had been dreading, dreaming and preparing for this day for weeks, and it was finally over. 

"Sister!" Jeonghan hurried out to greet you. You beamed at the sight of your half-brother. 

"Was I all right?" you asked hopefully. 

"You were excellent," Jeonghan promised you with a smile. He was accompanied by his newly wedded wife; a cheerful young lady who had been very kind and welcoming to you since your arrival in London. 

"You were the most beautiful young lady in the room," your sister-in-law told you excitedly. "The Queen only spoke to two of the other girls- so you were certainly one of her favourites. Her Highness never said anything to me during my debut," she added with a laugh. 

You found that difficult to believe. Jeonghan's wife was incredibly beautiful and charming. 

"Thank you so much-"

"All right, it is time we took our leave," your mother interrupted stiffly. 

It was no secret that your mother did not like her step-son, and she disliked his new wife equally. Your sister-in-law had unwittingly usurped your mother’s position as the lady of the Yoon household. The two women clashed on multiple subjects and could not seem to agree on anything- from the colour of the upholstery to the treatment of household staff. 

You preferred not to be caught in the middle of that particular storm. 

Jeonghan nodded. "Then we will see you at dinner. Congratulations, sister. The most difficult part is over. You will have a wonderful season ahead of you."

If only your brother had known how terribly mistaken he was. 

—-----------------------------------------------------

Dear sister,

I have heard from Jeonghan that your presentation at court was spectacular. I expected no less from you. You are undoubtedly one of the most beautiful young ladies this season. I am sorry I could not be there, but mother insists that I stay away from London for fear that my status as a spinster will raise questions and cast a shadow over your prospects.

Do not worry for me! It is peaceful here back home. Mother’s absence makes it easier for me to write to Seungcheol; and if circumstances allow, he may come visit me soon (of course Mother must never hear of this). Seungcheol sends his best regards for your first season and asks me to warn you to be wary of rakes- but I am sure Jeonghan will keep you safe from them. Once you take your pick of London’s finest, we may have a joint wedding! 

I am sure that offers for your hand will begin rolling in soon. Mother and Jeonghan shall be quite overwhelmed. Do not forget to write to me often!

Your loving sister. 

You folded the letter and tucked it safely away in your drawer. You knew that your elder sister wanted nothing but the best for you. It had been years since she had fallen in love with Choi Seungcheol- a widower and father to a young boy. But their match was unseemly and your sister had kept the courtship hidden for many years out of fear that it would tarnish your future prospects. Even now, the couple waited patiently to be married until you had secured your own matrimonial bliss. 

You were not ignorant of their sacrifice. 

Both your sister and Seungcheol were very dear to you, and although neither of them would ever say it aloud, you were the reason they could not live together as husband and wife. You considered it your responsibility to make the most of your time in London. You would secure a husband before the season ended. 

Surely it could not be so difficult? 

Your mother had insisted on putting you in the most restrictive of dresses (‘to better show your figure, my dear!’) so you felt breathless and anxious throughout the carriage ride to the Graham manor. You were on your way to the first social event of the season- the Duchess of Graham’s spectacular opening ball, where you would experience London society at its grandest for the first time. 

“Sister, are you all right?” Jeonghan asked you worriedly, as he helped you down from the carriage. 

You swallowed and nodded. “Y-yes, of course.” 

“You look rather unwell.” 

You felt unwell. The enormous Graham manor loomed before you in all its grandeur, and multiple carriages were parked on the road with various well-dressed ladies and gentlemen descending. Many paused to glance at you curiously on their way to the manor, and you felt exposed and anxious. 

It was dawning upon you how enormous this all was. Most of the people at the ball would have heard of your presentation in court. They would be watching you, judging you, talking about you. Even the smallest mistake could mean the end of your season. 

You suddenly could not breathe. 

"Come, sister," Mrs. Yoon (your sister-in-law) said. She had noticed your anxiety and took your arm in hers in a friendly manner. "Your presentation at court has caused quite the stir. There are many gentlemen eager to share a dance with you this evening, so you shall not be left wanting for dance partners.” 

“It’s only… this is my first ball…” you choked out nervously. 

“Not to worry! I was terribly nervous during my debut season as well, but you will begin to enjoy it soon!” 

You had no option but to take her word for it. There was a sea of fashionably dressed people gathered in the foyer of the manor. More than you had ever seen at once in your life, having spent most of your youth at your family’s remote countryside estate. Numerous eyes were on you. You could already feel your skin heating up underneath your heavy gown, and sweat beading on your forehead. 

“Well! If it isn’t Mr. and Mrs. Yoon Jeonghan!” 

Your brother and sister-in-law were interrupted by greetings from a pair of gentlemen. You did not recognize either of them- so you had no choice but to stop and force a smile as your brother and sister-in-law greeted them warmly. 

“I am surprised to see the Lees have arrived in London early this season,” Jeonghan said to them with a smile. 

“We could scarcely continue to hide in the shadows after our sister married a Viscount. Her marriage has given the rest of us renewed hope for our own prospects,” the taller of the two laughed jovially. He was very handsome- with a bright smile and kind eyes. Your stomach clenched in anxiety once more as he turned and his eyes fell on you. “Oh! Is this the much-anticipated debutante Miss Yoon?” 

You forced a curtsey. 

Jeonghan nodded. “Yes- this is my youngest sister Miss Yoon. She was presented in court only last week. Sister, allow me to introduce you to Mr. Lee Jihoon and Mr. Lee Seokmin. They are the brothers of Viscountess Hong, whom you may have met earlier this week.” 

You had a vague recollection of meeting the Viscountess at a ladies’ tea a few days ago. But the memory was pushed to the back of your mind when you discovered a large hand extended towards you. It belonged to Mr. Lee Seokmin- the owner of the bright smile and kind eyes. 

“We have heard so much about you, Miss Yoon. May I ask you to join me for the first dance of the evening?” Seokmin asked. 

It was as though you had forgotten how to speak. Mr. Lee Seokmin waited patiently for you to respond but despite your thoughts whirling at a hundred miles an hour, you simply could not force your lips to make any noise. There was a brief silence before your sister-in-law spoke on your behalf. 

“I am sure Miss Yoon would love to join you for a dance, Mr. Lee,” she promised. “You must simply allow us to visit the refreshment tables first. A glass of water is much needed in this warm weather.” 

Seokmin nodded in understanding. “Of course! You must wait here and we will find someone to bring you some water immediately.” 

You felt your tense shoulders relax slightly when the gentlemen disappeared into the crowd of people, and you were left alone with your sister-in-law. She turned to you with concern. 

“My dear, are you all right?” 

“I am fine,” you reassured her breathlessly. “I-I do not know what happened, my mind simply seemed to freeze and I could not think of what to say to him. He was so handsome and gentlemanly and I-I…” 

Mrs. Yoon grasped your hand and smiled. 

"You seem so nervous! You must not worry. Mr. Lee Seokmin is a very nice young gentleman- I have danced with him before myself -and I think it is an excellent idea for you to start your ball by dancing with him."

Her words felt distant. They did nothing to ease your anxiety. There were still too many eyes on you and your chest still felt tight. Your mind would not stop considering all the different scenarios in which this monumentally important evening could go terribly, terribly wrong. 

You were grateful for the silk gloves that concealed how sweaty your palms had become. 

Seokmin returned a few moments later with a glass of water for you. You accepted it with a trembling smile, and forced yourself to drink a little as your sister-in-law engaged Seokmin in polite conversation about his family.

"Ah- I believe the dancing is beginning!" Seokmin announced suddenly. The musicians had taken their places, and he held out his hand to you. "Shall we?"

You took his hand and glanced at your sister-in-law, who gave you an encouraging smile. Your feet felt numb as you followed your dance partner to the centre of the room. The ballroom was enormous. You could see other young ladies far more graceful, confident, and beautiful than you standing up to dance as well. Miss Hong, Miss Ella Williams, and even the Duchess herself stood with their dance partners. 

How could you compete? How could you stand up in a dance beside these accomplished women? Yes, your mother had paid for a tutor to teach you how to dance but she had said nothing, nothing about how positively nerve-wracking it would be to stand up in a room full of people with their eyes on you while other ladies smiled and glided effortlessly along! 

"Are you all right, Miss Yoon?" Seokmin asked you kindly as you took your place among the dancers. "You seem rather flustered."

Your throat still felt tight. "I-I am fine…"

He nodded and smiled. The music began, and Seokmin slowly led you into the dance and initiated a light conversation.

"You bear a striking resemblance to your elder sister. I knew her rather well. I and some of the other gentleman here who were privy to her… courtship with Mr. Choi often danced with her to ward off other suitors."

Mr. Lee Seokmin was not at fault. He had only done what any gentleman meeting with a new lady would do. He had found a topic of shared interest and attempted to initiate a conversation. 

He could not have known that he had said the worst possible thing to ease your nerves. 

You thought of your sister- your poor, darling sister who was depending on you to have a successful season and snatch up an eligible husband as soon as possible; your sister who had suffered through so many balls dancing with men she did not love solely for your benefit. She would be sitting at home and waiting to hear news of how you had charmed all of London's young men. 

The thought of disappointing her made you sick. 

"Miss Yoon?" Seokmin asked when you did not respond. He laughed uncomfortably. "I apologise, I did not mean to offend- perhaps this was an inappropriate setting to mention your sister or Mr. Choi…"

Your eyes widened. 

"No!" you cried. "No, I…"

*Yes?"

"I love my sister very much!" you blurted out loudly. 

Seokmin blinked, surprised at your sudden declaration. "Ah; yes, I imagine so. She spoke of you often. I understand you are very close?"

You nodded. It was your turn to speak but you could not think of anything to say to him. Your mind raced in a panic as you tried to think of something to reply with while keeping pace with the dance. You stumbled; Seokmin was surprised but managed to keep his grip on your gloved hand and ensured you did not fall. 

You were mortified. 

"I-I am so terribly sorry," you stammered. 

Seokmin chuckled. "That is perfectly all right, Miss Yoon, it happens to the best of us. Are you all right? Did you wish to sit down?"

Your ankle suddenly throbbed painfully. The stumble had thrust it into the wrong position and the sheer pain brought tears to your eyes. You blinked them back as you shook your head. 

"No, no," you said hurriedly. To sit down in the middle of your very first dance would surely attract far too much attention. You could not afford that kind of infamy. A young lady's first ball set the tone for the rest of the season, your sister-in-law had said so many times before, and you could not allow it to end like this. 

Seokmin frowned. "Miss Yoon, you really do not seem-"

"I am fine," you insisted breathlessly. You desperately tried to focus on anything but the pain in your ankle. Swallowing back your tears you looked up at Seokmin. "D-do you have any siblings of your own, Mr. Lee?"

He tilted his head in mild confusion. "Well- yes. You met my brother Jihoon earlier, and the Viscountess Hong is my sister. I also have three younger siblings who are not out in society."

Oh no. You realised your stupidity too late. Of course Seokmin had siblings, Jeonghan had told you about them mere minutes earlier! How could you ask the Viscountess' brother if he had siblings? What a fool you must have looked to ask a question that you should have known the answer to! 

"I-I apologise, I should have known-"

"Not at all. It is your first season, Miss Yoon, it is perfectly understandable that you may have been confused."

You flushed in embarrassment. You were ruined. Seokmin would tell all the other gentlemen of the ton that the younger Miss Yoon was a bumbling idiot; that she had no idea how to dance, or hold a conversation, and that she was rude enough to ask him about his siblings when she should have known them by name….

You could not look at Seokmin. The awkwardness and concern on his face was only adding to your growing dread. The pain in your ankle was becoming more and more difficult to conceal, and you could not keep your thoughts in order. Tears were springing to your eyes again. 

The dance finally came to an end. The silence that followed the last few notes of the music brought with it an immense relief, and you did not even wait to thank Mr. Lee Seokmin for the dance before you hobbled away from him. You needed to get away from the noise and the crowd and the staring eyes and judgemental faces, you needed a moment to simply breathe. 

The Duchess of Graham's manor was enormous and it was not very difficult to slip out of the ballroom relatively unnoticed. Your ankle was in incredible pain and you could not go far. You found the first door and burst out onto a deserted balcony.

The cool night breeze allowed you to take a refreshing gasp of air. The combination of the pain in your ankle and your crippling anxiety led you to simply close your eyes and lean against the barristers. You had not been able to manage one dance without panicking! How would you make it through the rest of this evening? 

Perhaps you could hide here until the dancing ended? 

It was the only option you had left. You could not-would not- go back into that crowded ballroom full of watching eyes and fashionable young men and women that were so confident and graceful and intimidating. The mere thought filled you with a deep and intense dread. Your ankle throbbed, and you slumped down with your back against the barristers and cradled it as you fought back more tears. 

You did not know how long you sat there on the balcony. The distant music from the ballroom must have stopped and restarted a few times before you suddenly heard the door to the balcony open once more. 

You froze. A tall, startlingly handsome gentleman entered the balcony with a cigar held loosely between his lips. He did not notice you immediately; he was too busy trying to light the cigar despite the gentle breeze blowing. He grumbled to himself a few times before finally managing to light it. The man took a long, satisfying drag and the balcony was filled with the smell of tobacco smoke. 

There was a sudden, sharp gust of wind that blew the smoke in your direction along with a wave of pollen from the lush, blooming garden below.

You sneezed. 

The man jumped in surprise and turned to you with wide eyes. "For heaven's sake- what are you doing down there?" he demanded. 

You were mortified. You could not speak. He squinted at you in the dim light streaming through the manors windows. 

"Are you injured?" he asked, noticing how you were clutching your ankle. He frowned and peered at you more closely. "You look very familiar… surely, you're not…ah! Are you the younger Miss Yoon? I know your sister!"

It was too much. The mention of your sister tipped you over the edge that you had been teetering on all evening. 

You burst into tears. 

The young gentleman looked horrified. He stood there for a moment with his mouth gaping open before he pulled out a handkerchief and tried to give it to you. You were too mortified to take it. You simply buried your head in your hands and sobbed your eyes out. 

You heard the gentleman leave- there was the sound of the balcony door closing, and then it opened again after less than a minute and multiple footsteps were audible. 

"Oh! Here she is- my dear, we have been looking for you everywhere!" your sister-in-law's arms came to wrap around you and you allowed yourself to relax in her warm embrace. Your brother was not far behind her. 

"What did you do, Mingyu?" Jeonghan demanded with a frown.

Mr. Kim Mingyu- the gentleman who was rapidly putting out his cigar against the balcony railing, paused and looked both bewildered and affronted.

"What did I do?" he cried. "I will not pretend as though I have never made a young lady cry, but really, Jeonghan, I barely said a word to her before she burst into tears!" 

"Nobody saw you?" Jeonghan insisted. 

"Of course not. Everyone was far too busy chatting about Miss Hong and that unfortunate business up in the library-"

"All right, all right. Thank you for calling us."

Your brother came over to help you up. Jeonghan sighed when he noticed your ankle. "Can you walk?" 

You shook your head miserably.

"All right. Here- lean on my shoulder. Your mother is going to be furious…"

—----------------------------------------------------

Your mother was furious. 

"I should never have trusted you to chaperone her!" she yelled at your sister-in-law. "How can you tell me that she danced only once- and to have allowed her to injure herself! How will she dance at the upcoming balls?"

Your sister-in-law sighed. 

"Madam, I will confess that perhaps I could have kept a closer eye on her, but really, the injury was an accident. I am not sure how you expect me to have prevented it from happening," she retorted irritably.

Your mother was incensed. "I shall certainly expect nothing more from you! I shall escort my daughter to all the balls for the rest of the season myself!"

Your eyes widened. 

"Mother, no…"

"Hush," your mother snapped. "I don't want to hear another word from you. Injuring your ankle at the very beginning of the season! As though you had never been taught to dance! I want nothing from you, except to heal that ankle as soon as possible!"

You bit your lip. "Yes, mother…"

"I am off to Mrs. Patty's to see what the rest of the ton thinks. We must count our blessings that the Viscount's sister made an absolute spectacle of herself the same night, so word of your poor debut was not the most gossip-worthy event of the evening."

You bit your lip. It seemed unkind to take relief in another young lady's misfortunes but those were the cards you had been dealt. Your mother stormed out of the parlour and your sister-in-law came closer to you. 

"Are you all right?" she asked gently. "How is your ankle?"

It was swollen. The doctor had been by and had advised you to rest for a few days and that you should be in a position to walk normally in a week's time. 

"Better," you lied.

"You look quite miserable, my dear."

"I-I dread to think of how I shall manage the next ball. Mr. Lee was so gentle and kind, but I still panicked and could not bring myself to converse normally with him. I am sure he will tell the entire ton that I am a bumbling fool!"

"I am sure he will not," Mrs. Yoon said firmly. "He is not so unkind."

"And if the next man is not as kind as him? What if I make a bigger fool of myself in front of someone far more important? How shall I ever find a husband if I cannot even dance or converse with gentlemen? Were you this nervous when you debuted?" you cried.

She sighed. "I will confess I was not. We each have skills which come more naturally to us than others. But you need not worry. That does not mean that you will never be able to charm a gentleman. It only means that you need more practice in the arts of… conversation and flirtation than others."

You blinked at her. "Will you practice with me?"

"I would love to- but it will not help. You are too comfortable with me. You need to practice under more realistic conditions with a real gentleman. But a gentleman with whom the stakes are low, and who will not mind if you make a few mistakes."

A servant entered the parlour and curtsied. "Mrs. Yoon- a Mr. Kim Mingyu has arrived to see you."

"Yes- please show him in," your sister-in-law replied before smiling at you. "Your practice gentleman is here, it seems."

You stared at her in disbelief. 

"What?"

Mr. Kim entered the room. You had not been able to see him clearly in the darkness and emotional haze of the Duchess' ball the previous night, but he appeared in front of you now, in all his present glory. 

Kim Mingyu was tall and handsome, with a charming smile and twinkling eyes that radiated a mixture of playfulness and confidence. He wore a fashionable riding coat. His dark hair was soft and brushed his forehead lightly. 

You were stunned into silence. 

"Excellent," your sister-in-law said when she noticed your horrified expression. "That look is exactly what we are hoping to ease you out of, with enough practice. Mr. Kim; come join us!"

Mingyu gracefully took a seat across from you and flashed his perfect smile.

"Miss Yoon," he greeted you. "I must apologise for my behaviour the previous night. I really did not see you on the balcony."

You opened your mouth to respond but no words came out. Clenching your fists, you forced yourself to respond calmly. "No-I mean…it was not… you did nothing wrong… I was hiding…"

Mr. Kim bit back his smile. 

"Ah," he said calmly, with a tone of understanding. "I see the problem."

Your sister-in-law turned to him. "As you can see, Miss Yoon is having some trouble engaging in conversation. I thought, as one of the more experienced bachelors of the ton in matters of flirtation and courtship, you might be persuaded to take her under your wing."

Mingyu grinned. "I would be delighted."

You stared at them. "But-but…"

"Mr. Kim is a notorious rake," your sister-in-law told you matter-of-factly. You stared at the gentleman sitting across from you in shock, expecting him to be offended by her name-calling, but Mingyu only nodded solemnly. 

You had to object. "Sister, surely he is not-"

"No, Mrs. Yoon is perfectly right," Mingyu interrupted you. "I have gathered quite the reputation for myself and it is wholly deserved."

"O-oh."

"Mr. Kim has generously offered his services," your sister-in-law continued. "He is not only prepared to teach you how to flirt and converse with gentlemen at social events, he is also prepared to enter into a public courtship with you until you are ready to venture out on your own."

"A courtship?" you demanded. 

"It is, of course, a false one," Mingyu explained to you calmly. "It may take some time until you are fully ready and confident enough to converse with your real suitors. Until then, I would be happy to play the part of a jealous, lovesick suitor who intends to keep you all to himself. I shall interfere and sweep you away from any gentlemen you are not ready to speak to. I can prevent further uncomfortable situations and act as a buffer. This way, you will not appear rude, and the blame for any unpleasant situations will fall upon me."

"I see…."

Your sister-law nodded. "Once you are ready, you may publicly end your courtship with Mr. Kim and proceed to pursue the man of your choosing. Nobody will blame you- he is a known rake, after all, and you would not be the first young lady to have her heart broken by him."

"Well," Mingyu chimed in with a gracious smile. "I will not presume that Miss Yoon wishes to have her heart broken by me. If it suits you better, I will be delighted to pretend that you were the one who broke my heart. We may orchestrate the ending of our courtship in a manner of your choosing."

You swallowed. "But my mother-"

Your sister-in-law grinned. "Mr. Kim is an only son and is the sole owner of a very wealthy estate not far from where the Chois live. Your mother will not object to him courting you. Of course, she need not know the truth."

It was an elaborate and dangerous scheme. You were not sure if it would succeed but you could see the genuineness in your sister-in-law's eyes. She really wanted to help you, and after the disaster at the Duchess of Graham's ball, you would be a fool if you did not admit that you needed all the help you could obtain. 

You would have to trust her. 

"Miss Yoon?" Mr. Kim asked with a charming smile. "Do I have your permission to court you?"

You took a deep breath and nodded. 

"Yes, Mr. Kim. You do."

—-----------------------------------------------------

[callsigns-haze]

The gain of loss

Eris x Rhysand's Sister!Reader Summary: Y/N and Borra venture into Valkyrie ruins to find training scrolls for Finna, only to encounter the Inner Circle and feel a sudden, intense pain in her lower abdomen. Borra quickly winnows them back home, where Y/N faces the unknown cause of her pain, determined to protect her family. Chapter Warnings: Mild violence and destruction, Discussion of training and powers, Mention of physical pain and discomfort, Themes of secrecy and tension, Pregnancy, Miscarriage

*Serves as a one-shot but can be read as memories fade or the sequel loves haze series

Y/N walked briskly through the forest, the path to the healer's cottage now familiar yet laden with uncertainty. For weeks, she had been feeling off—nausea, fatigue, and an unshakable sense that something within her had changed. Despite several visits and numerous tests, she had not found any answers. Today, she hoped, would be different.

The healer's cottage was a quaint, welcoming place, nestled among the ancient trees. Smoke curled lazily from the chimney, and the scent of herbs filled the air. Y/N pushed the door open, the bell tinkling softly as she entered. The healer, an older woman named Sera, looked up from her work and smiled warmly, her eyes filled with gentle reassurance.

"Y/N, it's good to see you. Please, come in and sit," Sera said, gesturing to a comfortable chair by the window.

Y/N sat down, her heart pounding in her chest. She had a feeling she knew what the healer was going to say, but she needed to hear it confirmed. The anticipation and anxiety of the unknown had been gnawing at her, and she was desperate for clarity.

Sera washed her hands and sat opposite Y/N, holding a parchment with the results of her tests. "We've completed all the tests," she began, her eyes twinkling with a knowing smile. "And I have some news for you. You're pregnant, again."

The words hung in the air, sinking in slowly. Y/N's eyes widened in shock, her hand instinctively moving to her stomach. "Pregnant?" she repeated, her voice barely above a whisper. It felt surreal, almost impossible. Panic started to creep in, mixing with the initial shock. How would they handle another child? What if something went wrong?

Sera nodded, her smile widening. "Yes, my dear. You're going to have another baby."

Y/N's mind raced, the news overwhelming her. Tears of fear and confusion welled up in her eyes as she absorbed the information. "I… I can't believe it," she stammered, her voice trembling. "Are you sure?"

Sera reached out and squeezed Y/N's hand gently. "Yes, absolutely. The tests don't lie. Congratulations, Y/N."

Y/N took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. This was a lot to take in. The fear of the unknown mixed with the reality of carrying another child. "Thank you, Sera," she managed to say, her voice unsteady. She felt a mix of joy and anxiety, uncertain of what the future would hold.

"Sera," Y/N said suddenly, her tone serious and almost pleading. "Please, don't tell anyone about this. Not even Eris. I need some time to take it all in."

Sera nodded understandingly. "Of course, my dear. Your secret is safe with me. Take all the time you need."

Y/N left the healer's cottage in a daze, her mind a whirlwind of emotions and thoughts. She walked slowly back home, her heart heavy with a mixture of fear and anticipation. She had a secret now, one that would change their lives forever.

-

As Y/N approached their home, she could hear raised voices from inside. Eris and Borra were arguing, their tones filled with urgency and frustration. Her heart raced, and she hurriedly opened the door, her earlier thoughts and worries temporarily pushed aside.

She sprinted to the living room, her eyes widening at the chaotic scene before her. Pieces of a shattered chessboard were scattered across the floor, along with fragments of chess pieces that looked like they'd been through a small explosion. Finna, not even a year old, was sitting in the corner, wide-eyed and confused, clutching a pawn in his tiny hand.

"Eris! Borra! What happened?" Y/N exclaimed, rushing to Finna and scooping him up into her arms. The baby clung to her, clearly upset by the commotion.

Eris turned to her, his expression a mix of exasperation and helplessness. "It's Finna's powers. He managed to bring the chess pieces to life somehow. They were moving on their own, like miniature soldiers. We couldn't control them, so I… I had to blow them up."

Borra nodded in agreement, his face pale. "We tried everything, but nothing worked. The pieces just kept attacking each other. It was like they had a mind of their own."

Y/N looked at the mess on the floor, her mind reeling. Finna had inherited their magic, but she hadn't expected it to manifest so soon or in such an unpredictable way. She kissed the top of Finna's head, feeling his little body relax against her.

"We need to figure out how to control his powers," she said softly, looking at Eris and Borra. "We can't let this happen again."

Eris ran a hand through his hair, his frustration evident. "I know, but how? He's just a baby. How do we teach him control when he doesn't even understand what he's doing?"

Y/N took a deep breath, her mind already working on solutions. "We'll have to be patient and creative. Maybe there are old texts or scrolls in the library that can help. We need to start researching and see if there's any guidance on how to handle this."

Eris nodded, his determination returning. "You're right. We'll figure this out together. We have to."

Borra, still looking shaken, agreed. "I'll help with the research. There must be something we can find."

Y/N took a deep breath, trying to calm herself and focus on finding a solution. The memory of her father’s teachings and the stories he told her about the Valkyries, a fierce and noble female warrior race, came flooding back. She cradled Finna in her arms and looked up at Eris and Borra.

“When I was a child, my father made me train with the Valkyries,” she said, her voice steady despite the turmoil in her heart. “They were an incredible group of female warriors, but they were killed off. There might be something in the ruins of their old training grounds that could help us understand and control Finna’s powers.”

Eris’ eyes widened with concern. “You’re thinking of going to the ruins? That would mean crossing the borders into the court's territory. It’s too dangerous, Y/N.”

Y/N held his gaze, determination etched on her face. “I know it’s dangerous, but we’re running out of options. Those ruins might hold the key to helping Finna. We can’t let fear stop us from protecting our son.”

Eris shook his head, his expression a mix of worry and frustration. “I can’t let you go alone. It’s too risky. The court's side of the borders is no place for you, especially with everything that’s happened.”

Y/N looked at both men, her resolve unwavering. “I understand your concerns, but this might be our only chance. I know it’s dangerous, but I have to try. If I can find anything that can help Finna, it will be worth it.”

Eris shook his head again, his jaw set. “No, Y/N. It’s out of the question. You’re not going into enemy territory, not for any reason. We’ll find another way.”

Borra tried to support Y/N’s plan. “Eris, I can go with her. We’ll be careful. We can handle this together.”

But Eris was adamant. “No, Borra. I appreciate your willingness, but it’s too dangerous. I can’t risk losing her, and I can’t risk both of you being captured or worse.”

Y/N felt a surge of frustration. “Eris, I’m not a child. I’ve trained for situations like this. We need to do something. Finna needs us to be brave.”

Eris’s eyes softened, but his resolve didn’t waver. “I know you’re strong, Y/N. But this isn’t about bravery. It’s about keeping you safe. I’ve already lost you once. I can’t go through that again.”

Y/N’s heart ached at the depth of his fear. She stepped closer, placing a hand on his cheek. “We can’t protect Finna by hiding, Eris. We have to be proactive. We have to fight for him.”

Eris closed his eyes, torn between his love for his family and his fear of losing them. He took a deep breath and opened his eyes, seeing the determination in Y/N's eyes. He knew she was right, even if the thought terrified him.

"Alright," he finally said, his voice heavy with resignation. "But Borra goes with you. And you both stay in constant contact. We can't afford any risks."

Y/N's eyes brightened with relief and gratitude. "Thank you, Eris. We'll be careful, I promise."

Eris pulled her into a tight embrace, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Just promise me you'll come back safe. Both of you."

"We will," Y/N assured him, her voice firm.

--

Three days later, Y/N and Borra stood at the entrance of the Valkyrie ruins. The air was thick with the scent of earth and ancient history, the remnants of a once-great stronghold now overgrown with ivy and moss. Y/N adjusted her full leather armor, the same set she had worn during her training with the Illyrians. It fit snugly, a comforting reminder of her strength and resilience. Her dark hair was pulled back into a slick bun, keeping it out of her face and ready for any challenge they might encounter.

Borra, clad in his own battle gear, walked alongside her, his eyes scanning the surroundings with the sharpness of a seasoned warrior. The ruins were eerily quiet, the only sounds being their footsteps and the occasional rustle of leaves. They moved with purpose, their mission clear but the path uncertain.

As they ventured deeper into the ruins, they came upon a large circular cement door, thick and imposing. Y/N ran her fingers over the surface, feeling the cold, rough texture. She glanced at Borra, determination in her eyes.

“This is it,” she said, her voice steady. “The entrance to the old training grounds. There might be something inside that can help us understand Finna’s powers.”

Borra nodded, stepping up to the door. “Let’s get this open then.”

They positioned themselves on either side of the door, gripping the edges tightly. Y/N felt the strain in her muscles as they began to pull. The door was heavy, resistant, but she channeled all her strength into the effort. With a grunt, she heaved, and slowly, the door began to give way.

Borra matched her effort, his own muscles bulging with the exertion. “Almost there,” he said through gritted teeth.

With one final, synchronized pull, the door creaked open, revealing a dark passage beyond. Dust and debris fell from the doorway, and a musty, ancient smell wafted out. Y/N and Borra stepped back, catching their breath for a moment.

Y/N looked into the dark passage, her heart pounding with a mix of anticipation and anxiety. “Whatever’s in there, it’s been waiting a long time.”

Y/N and Borra stepped into the dimly lit chamber beyond the door, the air thick with dust and the faint scent of long-forgotten battles. The walls were lined with shelves, each packed with ancient scrolls and texts, relics of the Valkyries' storied past. Y/N's heart quickened as she scanned the room, her eyes falling on an old, wooden shelf covered in cobwebs.

"This is it," she said, her voice barely a whisper in the heavy silence. "The records of their training methods."

Without wasting a moment, she hurried to the shelf and began pulling out scrolls, her fingers leaving clean streaks in the layers of dust. She unrolled them quickly, her eyes skimming the faded text for anything that might help them understand and control Finna's burgeoning powers.

"Borra, catch!" she called, tossing the relevant scrolls to him.

Borra, standing a few feet away, caught each scroll with practiced ease, laying them out on a nearby stone table. His eyes flicked over the texts, his mind working to decipher the ancient script.

Y/N continued her frantic search, her heart pounding with urgency. Each scroll she tossed to Borra felt like a small victory, bringing them one step closer to a solution. As she worked, memories of her own training with the Illyrians and Valkyries flooded back, fueling her determination. She would find what they needed, no matter what.

"Here," she said, pulling out a particularly thick scroll. "This one looks promising."

Borra caught it and unrolled it on the table, his eyes widening as he read. "This is it," he said, his voice filled with hope. "Training techniques for young warriors with untamed magic."

Y/N's heart lifted at his words. "Let's get these back to Eris," she said, gathering the scrolls they had deemed important. "We need to start working with Finna immediately."

As Y/N and Borra were about to leave the chamber, they suddenly heard the faint murmur of voices echoing through the ancient ruins. Borra's eyes widened in alarm, and without a word, he grabbed Y/N's arm and winnowed them to a higher vantage point. They landed silently on a ledge, hidden in the shadows, peering down at the entrance to the chamber.

Y/N's breath caught in her throat as she recognized the figures below. It was the Inner Circle. She could see Rhysand, Feyre, Cassian, Azriel, Mor, and Amren. But what struck her the most was the sight of a young man with dark hair and striking blue eyes — Nyx, her nephew. Though she had never met him, she had heard of his existence through whispers and sources. He was already in his twenties, a full-grown man.

As she watched them, her heart pounded, a mix of fear and longing swirling within her. They couldn't see her from their hidden perch, but she could observe them, their faces familiar yet distant, like ghosts from another life.

Suddenly, a sharp, searing pain shot through her lower abdomen. Y/N gasped, clutching her stomach, her knees buckling. Borra noticed immediately, his eyes widening with concern.

"Y/N," he whispered urgently, his voice barely audible over the pain that wracked her body. "We need to get you out of here."

Without waiting for her response, Borra wrapped his arm around her and winnowed them both back home. The sensation of disorientation from the winnowing was intensified by the pain, but she clung to Borra, trusting him to get her to safety.

They landed in their home, the familiar surroundings offering a small comfort. Borra gently lowered her onto a couch, his face etched with worry.

"Stay here, I'll get help," he said, turning to leave the room.

Y/N nodded weakly, her mind racing. The encounter with the Inner Circle, the sight of her nephew, and now this sudden pain — it was all too much. She needed to focus on what was important: protecting her family and finding out what was happening to her.

A/N: It was going soooo well. This story needed ANGST back into it 😇😇😇

Request are open and active!

Tagging some:

@callsign-magnolia

@kmc1989

@hardballoonlove

@senawashere

@hookslove1592

@marvel-molly

@lucky7rosie

@daughterofthemoons-stuff

@lilah-asteria

@crossfandomslut

@pit-and-the-pen

@inky-sun

@the-sweet-psycho

@why4anne

@bunnyredgirl

@rcarbo1

@pandabiiissh

@adalia-jaycee

@swiftie-4-lifes-stuff

@minaethrym

[bookshelf-dust]

Hi! I love your writing 🥹

I was wondering if I could request a fic where it’s readers first time in after school detention, and it’s over something dumb like being tardy too much ‘cause she’s a good noodle, but Billy is there! And he’s all cool and flirty and shit.

Literally anything you write will be amazing! Thank youuu for sharing your work 🙏

pink slips and bland gum.

billy hargrove x fem!henderson!reader

word count: 2,229

warnings: swearing, reader has anxiety, mentions of smoking, innuendos, tension/kinda pining/both reader and billy are smartasses—this is kinda enemies to lovers OOP (also sorry i got carried away)

a/n: hi my love!! thank you so very much for your request. it makes me so happy that you enjoy my writing! thank you for reading. it is a pleasure to share my mess with you. i really like this idea! i had a similar experience in school, minus the billy or interaction with a pretty boy at all. anyhow, i hope you like this!! i decided to make it a henderson!reader as a reason for the tardiness. i hope that’s okay! *big big squeezy hug* <333

————

“God fucking dammit, Dustin!”

Your breath leaves a puffy cloud of air in front of you where you sit in your car. It’s not warm yet. You would’ve gotten up to start it earlier, but you’d overslept some, which meant Dustin overslept too.

You usually banged on his door after pulling yourself out of bed, but what with finals, you’d been up late studying and forgotten to set your clock.

The palms of your hands met the leather of the steering wheel again, one slamming into the horn, again. You couldn’t bare to give one tiny shit at this point if you woke anyone in the neighborhood up.

Dustin had always been a mess in regards to getting ready for school, but it seemed that now you drove him, he was determined to make you late as well. When your mother drove the both of you, he was ever punctual. Now, not even a little bit.

When he did finally get in the car, he realized that you were actually furious with him, not saying one word the entire trip. Not to mention you realized about halfway there that you were actually going to be late, again, a wreck diverting traffic the complete wrong way to school. A wreck you could’ve avoid if Dustin had gotten his ass outside on time.

It was safe to say that by the time you got parked and into the building, only for your first period teacher to hold up her hand at your entrance—not even bothering to look up at you—a pink slip of paper in her fingers, you were downright pissed.

You flopped down into your seat, wood cold through your jeans, and looked at the slip while simultaneously retrieving your book from your bag. It was “silent reading time,” after all.

It was a detention slip. A fucking detention slip.

Not only were you angry at yourself for oversleeping, but also because Dustin just could not bother to help you out in the mornings, not only today, but almost every damn day the past month, and now you were paying the price.

You knew Dustin would get away with it on his end though. His first period was Mr. Clarke, and he loved Dustin so much it wouldn’t matter if he set fire to the classroom.

“Afternoon Detention, 3:30pm,” it read, a blank with your name scrawled on it and a blank for your teachers signature as well.

You rolled your eyes, reaching for your wallet to check for coins, because now you needed to use the fucking pay phone and call your mother considering you wouldn’t be able to take Dustin home this afternoon anymore.

————

Claudia Henderson was less than pleased to hear that you’d gotten after school detention, but you weren’t taking any of her shit after the morning you’d had.

You may have used language that was going to get you lectured, but in the end you told her to deal with Dustin and hung up.

The rest of the day drug on and on, your leg continually bouncing throughout each class. You could feel your anxiety the whole time, a dull ache, a pain that wouldn’t go away until you got through this.

You’d never had detention before.

Never in your entire academic career.

Frankly, you didn’t see any reason to misbehave and have to stay in the hellhole that was Hawkins High School any longer than you had to. Which is why you always behaved.

And the reason for your detention sentence hadn’t even been your fault.

The last bell rang, and instead of making your way out to the parking lot with the rest of the school, you walked the other way, down the hall to Mrs. Click’s classroom.

You’d had her your junior year for English class, and though that was your best and favorite subject, she’d made it miserable, never thinking you had any talent in you whatsoever regarding writing. Which, by the way, fucking hurt.

You turned into the room, standing in the short line of other kids who had to stay just like you did.

You handed her your slip and she assessed you over the frames of her glasses, like she knew you’d end up here.

“Take a seat anywhere you’d like. You may complete any classwork you have. You may not listen to music or do anything recreational. You will be released at five pm. No sooner, no later.”

You shooed you away with a flick of her hand, and you moved to find a desk.

There really weren’t a lot of kids in the room, only five or six, and they were all spread out, clearly not wanting to be next to each other.

You went for the back row like you did in any classroom, hoping you’d find solace there.

Only when you sat down did you hear the sound of heavy boots on the floor behind you, and upon glancing up, you found the one and only Billy Hargrove sliding into the seat next to you, dropping his bag on the desktop.

You didn’t know the boy extremely well by any means, but of course you knew who he was. You had a few classes with him, some of which required working in pairs—so you’d talked to him, but you weren’t best friends forever or anything.

You tried not to roll your eyes at Billy’s apparent inability to pick a seat not so close to you, occupying yourself with pulling out your few homework assignments for the night.

“What are you in for?”

When you turned your head, Billy was already looking at you; his head propped up by his hand, blinking all slow, batting those stupid long eyelashes at you, a slow smirk ticking up the corners of his mouth. His voice gravelly, words spoken lazily, keeping his voice down for fear of Mrs. Click’s acknowledgment.

He was a dream to look at—there was no denying that.

“Apparently being tardy one too many times is not very well received.”

You flipped open a notebook, looking for the notes you’d taken earlier in the day. Billy’s hand though, covered the words.

He was holding a pack of gum, offering you a stick. You didn’t chew gum often, but you weren’t going to turn it down when he was offering it to you.

“Thank you.”

“Mhm,” Billy hummed. “Why’ve you been late so much that you got written up for it?”

You turned to face him, eyeing Mrs. Click, who was reading and half dozing in her chair, oblivious to the boy with his walkman tucked into his waistband, hair covering his headphones.

“My brother. Dustin seems to be determined to make my mornings a living hell every since I started driving the both of us. He can never get ready on time or gets distracted by something. But if it were him who needed to be somewhere and I was running late, the fucking world would end.”

Billy was watching you intently as you spoke, hanging onto your every word. This was the most you’d ever conversed, what with you always paying attention in class and everything, so he was pretty damn happy that you were paying him any attention.

He laughed lightly after you finished. “My sister, Max, is the opposite. I think she’s punctual so that she can get away from me quicker.”

“I think they’re friends, Max and Dustin,” you told him. “Maybe they’re out to get us.”

Billy let out a breath of a laugh, smiling lightly at you.

It was then that the silence ensued.

The boy was quiet for a good while, eventually digging out his own homework, what looked to be math. The math class you shared with him. The same homework you were trying to do.

“Are you any good at this stuff?” You asked him shyly, pointing to the paper on your desk as he made eye contact with you. He was really good at that. Unnervingly so.

“What, math?”

You nodded, trying not to look at his hands while he flipped a pencil around in between his fingers.

“Not always, but the stuff we’re on now I’ve got. Why, you need help?” He wasn’t mean when he asked. He wasn’t picking on you. He was genuinely offering.

“Well I got most of it done in class today, but there’s these two problems I can’t figure out. I’ve always been bad at math though, so.”

“Math is hard, okay? And it doesn’t help that O’Donnell is shit at explaining either. Which ones are buggin’ you?”

“Three and seven. I’ve got the first two steps down, but after that I get lost. I think I’m dividing wrong maybe?”

Billy read over the question on his sheet and then moved his chair out to be closer to you. The close contact was making you burn.

“May I?” He held out his hand for your paper. You picked it up and gave it to him. His eyes scanned your writing, fingers trying not to smudge the graphite from your pencil.

He scooted even closer to you. The burning continued. You tried not to think about how good he smelled, even if it was mostly of cigarettes.

“Okay, here,” he gestured with his pen, “it’s the third step where you kinda trip up. You’ve just forgotten the negative sign that goes with the parenthesis.”

You looked at your notes, realizing you had indeed forgotten that. “Huh. That makes sense. Thank you, Billy. I’m sorry for bothering you with this.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll help you anytime you need.” And then he winked. Billy Hargrove winked at you and then went back to working on his own homework.

The rest of the afternoon droned on, but eventually the hour and a half was up. Your sentence had ended.

Billy shouldered his bag, and you had the urge to grab hold of his arm and squeeze. Shit. You needed to chill.

You made sure to give Mrs. Click a glare on the way out for how she treated you, and Billy caught it.

“That was brave. I’m kind of scared of her.”

You laughed, falling into step with him on the way out of the building.

“She’s a bitch. Made my English class last year living hell. It’s easier to be brave when I know I won’t have to be in close quarters with her.”

Billy laughed then, and it was probably the sweetest sound you’d ever heard, lazy and sweet. You could’ve bottled it.

You fished your keys out halfway through the door, and when you looked up, you noticed Billy was still chewing his gum. You’d spit your piece out on the way out of detention.

“There’s no way that gum still has any flavor left.”

He turned to look at you. “Wanna find out?”

You practically choked, but he reveled in it, moving on. “Walk you to your car? It is getting dark out early this time of year, you know.”

“Sure, Billy.”

The walk was short, but he was right on you the whole time, a comforting presence. You almost squealed when he caught your bag as it slipped from your shoulder, his warm hand brushing your arm.

It was when you arrived at the driver’s side door of your car that the both of you looked up, the street lights coming on all at once, the sun having set just enough to set them off. There was some romantic joke in there, you were sure of it.

“You never asked me,” Billy said. You raised a brow, confused as to where he was going with this.

“What I was in for,” he continued. “I was gonna make a joke about you being a goody two shoes or something, but then you were all nice and gorgeous and shit, so, you know. Here I am.”

Billy leaned in, setting a gentle hand on the roof of the car, just beside your head. You were starting to think that smartass smirk of his was ever present.

“Sorry,” you started, still feeling a little brave. “You were too busy flirting up a storm.” He tossed his head back, laughing, and you tracked the movement of his Adam’s apple. “So what were you in for, Hargrove?”

“Apparently smoking in the school hallways is not very well received.”

You rolled your eyes. “Why were you smoking in the halls then?”

“Honestly? Because I was having a shit day and I needed to calm down, so I kinda couldn’t make it outside.” He shrugged his shoulders, finding it easy to talk to you for some reason.

You nodded, understanding the need to get away sometimes—more often than not. You wondered how much more of him you could understand, if he were to reveal it to you.

“Well, I’m sure we could figure out another way for you to calm down that doesn’t involve cancer sticks.”

“Yeah?” Billy grinned. “You’ll have to help me out then, huh?”

“I guess so.”

You watched as he pulled a pen out of his own bag, gesturing for you to give him your hand. When you did, the tip of the pen was cold against your palm.

“My number,” Billy told you. “For when you need help with math homework, or if you want gum or something.”

“Or something.”

He capped the pen. “Yeah. Or something.”

————

please let me know if you liked this! feedback is always appreciated!! comments and reblogs mean more than you know. <33

[bendycxmet]

Jealous—Vash the Stampede

Summary: Jealousy goes both ways.

Word Count: ~1.3k

Pairing: gn!reader x Vash the Stampede

Content: jealousy, tension, teasing, flirting, alcohol, drinking, Jealous Vash, Jealous Reader, maybe a lil toxic but this is for fun, suggestive at the end

Both you and Vash were barhopping for the night. For fun? You wish. You were “on the job” as you liked to call it–looking and prodding drunken town goers for clues about a regional criminal causing havoc, enough trouble to make the locals forget their usual paranoia about a certain Humanoid Typhoon. Their tipsy personas were enough for you two to coax out any gossip that has been floating around the tiny cliffside town, the interviewees temporarily forgoing their constant state of anxiety to let slip some clues with the help of the liquid courage pouring from the barkeeper’s shelves. 

“Two shots of your most valuable whiskey, sir. Been a long night.” Of absolutely nothing. You drop your head into your hands, palms digging into your eye sockets. What you would give to just plop down in the motel bed, snuggling into Vash’s chest for the night. You peep through your fingers at him, sitting pretty in the corner with the flirty town baker. A sharp pang shoots through your chest. Well at least someone seems to be having fun. 

The baker starts cackling at something Vash had joked about, slapping his shoulder to show her appreciation for the banter. Vash looks in your direction, almost feeling your envious gaze, smiling softly and winking as if to say “hang in there.”

“Two whiskeys.” The loud clank of the glasses hitting the dingy wood brings your focus back to the man in front of you. 

You let out a low whistle, appreciating the tiny shot glasses in front of you. “Right on time, barkeep. Have a blessed night.” You throw a couple of double dollars down for the man to grab, downing one shot, your hand going for the second one, ready to get your investigation going again when you see a hand cover the glass. 

“Seen you floating around here tonight. Don’t seem to be having the best time, though. Mind if I change that?” comes a smooth voice. You glance up to see a charming man, recognizing him from earlier in the day at the general store. You couldn’t forget how he had looked at you, completely ignoring Vash as you paid for your transaction, his eyes roaming your face gracefully, focusing on your lips whenever you spoke. Vash had simply huffed and moved closer to you. 

The same hazel eyes were on you now, sparkling this time with what you have no doubt is the liquor flowing through him. Now, any other time you would have immediately shrugged off the advances of a drunk with the mindless excuse of being here with Vash; yet, now that said man was having his own fun, you decide to try your hand. Besides, the general store employee was easy on the eyes. You lay your hand over his own, making sure it was in Vash’s line of sight before responding. 

“Been tough to. You know how it is, especially with the threat of that criminal on the loose in the next town over.”

He chuckles. “Let me put your worries to ease, darling. Saw him earlier today and can confirm he’s just another hotshot who runs his mouth. Get a bunch of those through my store. Nothing ever comes out of it.” He takes your hand in his and brings it up to his mouth to place a gentle kiss on the knuckles. “He’s been drinking my store dry in that hotel at the edge of town anyways.”

You pretend to look down your shoulder at your remaining shot, playing smitten. You peek at Vash from the corner of your eye, noticing the deep frown on his face as the chatty baker recants some boring story probably, not seeing that his focus is now on you. 

“Isn’t that the perv from the general store?! Why is he in your personal space??” Vash thinks, stopping himself for a second. He’s had a couple drinks, so he may be a little irrational at the moment. “Get yourself together, you hypocrite. You have a girl that isn’t Mayfly grabbing your arm right now, so they can do whatever they want. This is just detective work-” Vash jolts straight out of his chair, his rational thoughts coming to an end when he sees that pervert kiss your hand.

He could let slide the flirty way he interacted with you earlier at the store. Sure, it’s understandable. His Mayfly of course would catch the attention of anyone with eyes. They’re an absolute catch. However. Touching the skin that he touches, kissing where he kisses every night, ensuring that you feel the love that he feels for you through his hands worshipping every inch that is you? It’s enough for him to cross the room in several strides with his lean legs. No way is he going to let a random taint what is his. He doesn’t have the privilege to touch the spectacle that is his Mayfly. 

Feeling the vibrations of a certain someone’s boots coming closer to the bar area, you sense that your time of fun has ended. You have what you needed anyway. Quickly, you drink your last shot, hissing at the slow burn making its way into your stomach. You now need it for what’s coming next.

“Thank you. You definitely helped my night get better,” you manage to say, watching the man’s eyebrows screw together in confusion before a red coat effectively cuts you off from him, replacing the man’s hand with his own, holding it in a firm hold.

“Hey! I remember you from earlier! You were pretty quick at the cash register back at the store.”  Now you were given the blessing of Vash’s possessive gaze, heavy with unbridled frustration and desire. “I see you found my Mayfly. Whew, I’ve been looking all over for you, my lovely.”  He turns back to the man, giving him a tight smile before departing, dragging you along with him out into the open night air.

You walk in tense silence, rounding the last corner to your motel when he stops and pulls you into an alcove.

“Was that all really necessary?” he questions, his jaw clenching. He’s pissed.

“You have your ways, I have mine,” you quip, refusing to look at him. He huffs at your response.

“The baker girl? Mayfly, really, I was just trying to find answers. And score us some free donuts in the morning! I didn’t expect her to be so touchy.”

“Well I didn’t know this guy would do what he did-” 

He slams his hand into the wall, making sure it was far enough away from your head, but still caging you in. You hear brick crumble to the floor from the impact. 

“I didn’t like the way he looked at you. Or touched you. I just don’t like the idea of anyone else but me touching you because I don’t know what their intentions are. How am I supposed to protect you in time when they’re so close to you?” he growled out.

Now you feel guilty. Maybe you went a bit too far. 

“Sorry…”

He sighs, placing his gloved hand on your cheek. “No, I’m sorry too. I could have pulled away sooner from the baker. All of that was too much.” You nod, acknowledging his apology. 

His face quickly becomes stern again, his hand dropping to grab yours.

“Let’s head inside, I’m going to replace that pervert’s touch with my own.”

“I didn’t get to tell you that I know where that criminal is!”

“That can wait till morning. I have more important matters to tend to right now.”

You may have bargained for more than you thought tonight.

a/n: i wrote this in one go so kind of word vomit? idk it came to me in a dream so i needed to belt it out. love the idea of vash just being a lil jealous. he deserves to get upset from time to time

masterlist

divider by saradika

[niki-phoria]

omg you do song fics?😍 can i request a bi!soobin x male reader to “i do” by g-idle?

pairing: bi!uni student!soobin x uni student!male!reader (referred to as a boy once) genre: fluff (??) a little angsty word count: 1.1k

includes: confession fic, uni au, ending is a little weird, reader cries, didn't want this to be too angsty, my greatest apologies if your name is mina lol

a/n: thank you for requesting !! i don't mind doing songfics at all :)) i hope you like it <33

soobin lets out a soft sigh as he enters your shared apartment. his bag crumbles in a small heap on the floor beside his bed before he wanders over to you. he all but collapses onto your mattress beside you, making you softly chuckle. 

you set your phone aside; instagram feed long forgotten as you shift to lay down next to him. soobin buries his face into one of your pillows. his tense body relaxes slightly when you reach over to gently rub a hand against his back. 

“are you okay?” soobin simply hums in response, though the strangled noise is muffled by his arms and the pillows he’s laying against. “bad day?”

despite the pillow blocking his face, you can see him nod slightly. a small smile tugs at the corners of your lips as you pat his thigh. “come here, bin.”

the boy perks up immediately at your words. you chuckle as he wastes no time in making himself comfortable in your lap. his head rests against your thighs; the rest of his body curled up on your twin sized bed. he smiles to himself as you begin to play with his hair, twisting the soft strands between your fingers. 

you fall into a comfortable silence together for a few minutes before you notice soobin catch his bottom lip between his teeth. his jaw clenches the darker the thoughts clouding his brain become. he absentmindedly fidgets with his fingers as you continue raking your fingers through his dark locks.

“hey,” you whisper, catching soobin’s attention. he looks up at you through his dark fringe - your cue to continue. “what’s on your mind?”

a soft sigh escapes his lips. his gaze shifts up to stare at the ceiling. he studies the drywall adorning your dorm room as if an answer is hidden in the material. 

“someone gave me a love letter… earlier today,” he finally says. 

i don’t even know how to think

‘cause now she got your heart, so i feel stupid, foolish

you pause your movements almost instantaneously as the words leave his lips. they linger uncomfortably in the air like a thick fog that clouds your judgement. tension holds you both captive in the room. you feel like a caged animal - the chains of your own feelings tightly wrapped around your limbs and keeping you trapped exactly where you are. 

you can nearly feel your heart stop beating in your chest. your breath catches in the back of your throat. an unfamiliar feeling of heartbreak curls inside of your stomach. it slinks through your intestines - working it’s way upwards to press against your chest. 

“who was it from?” your voice trembles, though you hope soobin can’t hear the anxiety that drips from each word. 

“mina.” 

you know mina from your english class. she had silently slipped into the room after getting lost on her way to the lecture hall. she has a bright smile and kind eyes. even you can admit her laugh is contagious. it lights up every room she’s in. she’s perfect. perfect for soobin.

‘fraid i’m losing everything i thought i couldn’t

my whole world is fallin’ apart

you swallow your grief, forcing it deep into your chest. “she’s nice,” you murmur. “pretty. i like her. she’d be good for you.” but i would be better.

soobin hums. his eyes meet yours momentarily before he stares up at the ceiling once again. “do you really think so?”

you remain silent for a few seconds. you refocus on playing with soobin’s hair, letting the methodical action calm your racing heartbeat. a shaky sigh leaves your lips before you speak again. “do you like her?”

“i don’t know.” he pauses, anxiously tugging his bottom lip between his teeth again - a nervous habit you had always found particularly attractive. “i think i like someone else.”

don’t you go fallin’ in love

trust me, she’s not the one

a small spark of hope ignites in your chest before you quickly stomp it out. you’re roommates. two university students who happened to be assigned to the same dorm room. you’re friendly because you’re both introverted and spend most of your time around each other. your skinship is simply two boys being friendly - nothing more. 

“soobin,” you murmur. tears sting at the corners of your eyes. they threaten to roll down your cheeks. you bite your tongue in an attempt to hold them back to little avail. 

soobin sits up from your lap, furrowing his eyebrows in concern. “what’s wrong?” he whispers. the warm hand he places against your knee does little to soothe your aching heart, though you appreciate the gesture nonetheless. 

you stare down at your hands, anxiously fidgeting with the rings on your fingers. soobin gently begins to rub small shapes against your leg in an attempt to calm you down. you twist the thin, cool metal against your skin as you mentally prepare yourself for rejection. anger. heartbreak.

“i’m in love with you.” 

she won’t ever love you like i do

hold you like i do, know you like i do

the words come out as little more than a broken whisper. soobin’s movements stop momentarily - though what was realistically a few seconds feels like an eternity of waiting. 

“y/n,” soobin finally whispers. his voice is soft. gentle. you bite down on your tongue harder. tears slowly begin to roll down your cheeks; at first in single drops before streams quickly begin falling from your eyes. 

you’re unable to prevent the choked sob that escapes when soobin cups your cheek. his touch feels far too intimate to be just from a roommate. an acquaintance. 

soobin brushes his thumb against your cheek, wiping away the tears as fast as they come. you go limp in his arms when he pulls you into a tight hug, keeping you tightly pressed against his chest. “i’m sorry,” you murmur into the crook of his neck. embarrassment mixes with your grief. your head aches at the sudden flood of emotion. “i don’t wanna lose you.”

“you won’t,” soobin whispers. he rubs a hand against your back. you let the feeling soothe you - at least momentarily. “you never will.” he gently coaxes you away from his neck so you’re looking into his dark eyes. “i love you too.”

you sniffle, hesitantly looking up at him once again. “really?”

“really.” soobin pulls you back into a hug, letting you cling to his body. he presses a kiss against your forehead as his arms snake around your waist. “i love you, y/n."

[fereldanwench]

A Personal, and Final, Reflection on A Certain Fandom

Having spent the past week and a half away from the Tumblr side of the C*b*rp*nk community after a resurgence of old wank (not hashing out the details–IYKYK), I heavily weighed the pros and cons of saying anything else. Ultimately, I decided for my own peace of mind and ability to fully move forward, I do want to say a few things (or a lot of things, given how long this is). This blog is my personal archive first and foremost, and I think writing a “final chapter” will help me find closure. I’m also choosing to publish this because, at the risk of sounding presumptuous, I think my mistakes and subsequent revelations might be good learning experiences for others, too. 

Like many of us, just by the nature of when this game was released, I entered this fandom during a very fragile, tumultuous time in my life–Well, sort of, let me back it up a little: I actually initially entered it during a great time in my life. It was July 2021, I had just enjoyed about 6 weeks off from work after quitting a demanding job that had sucked the life out of me for almost 10 years, and I had started a promising new job. I even bought the game with the first paycheck from said new job!

Unfortunately, while I had been told that this position was temp-to-hire, not only was it not a path to a permanent role, but because I completed all the work in my contract over a month sooner than they anticipated (early September vs late October), I was being let go early because they had nothing else for me to work on. I was literally told over the phone, “You did amazing work, you got us caught up through November, but we don’t have anything else for you.”

Cue about 6 months of recruiters ghosting me, exhausting interview processes, demoralizing rejections, and scam upon scam upon scam, all culminating in me returning to the job I had been so happy to leave a year earlier. And while my old coworkers were ecstatic to have me back, I couldn’t help but feel like a complete failure. I took what I thought was a calculated risk, I thought I could do something better for myself, and I couldn’t. It’s something I’m still struggling with today, honestly.

On top of this, I also experienced a debilitating physical health episode in January 2022 which led to me being effectively bedridden for about 3 weeks. [CW: Menstruation, sexual health] I’m not sure of the exact cause–maybe a bad reaction to emergency contraception, maybe unsafe menstrual underwear, but it resulted in menorrhagia so severe I fainted from blood loss. My insurance had literally just ended, another wave of COVID was hitting, and I didn’t want to risk getting infected sitting in an ER for hours only to rack up a few thousand in debt to get a blood transfusion. So rest, iron supplements, and lots of meat and spinach and orange juice was the best I could do.

All of this led to my world becoming very small. I wasn’t working, I could barely do my hobbies or see my local friends, and simple everyday tasks like showering drained me of all my energy. When I was stuck in bed and could barely keep my eyes open for more than a few hours at a time, gossip was a welcome, low-effort distraction from the physical pain and fear that I might either have to put myself in thousands of dollars of medical debt or risk lifelong damage (or worse) from the blood loss.

I also found myself having groups of friends in a way I’ve never experienced before. I’m extremely introverted (even online, though less so than IRL), I have social anxiety, and the handful of times I have been “in” a group I was never really in it. I was always on the outskirts and usually just close to one or two people, max.

Regretfully, this set the stage for me to get caught up in the culture of rumors and speculation that permeates this fandom more than I think it has any other fandom I’ve been a part of.

Academically, I know about things like groupthink and tribalism, and I could see how those influenced the groups developing in the fandom, but I had no direct, personal experience with those phenomena. I think in conjunction with the other struggles I was dealing with, I ended up being incredibly susceptible to an us-versus-them mentality, which led me to feel justified in being unkind to people I knew had been unkind to my friends, even if deep down I knew what I was doing was antithetical to who I strive to be. 

I don’t share any of this for sympathy points or to smear anyone else or to avoid accountability–I still chose to act like an ass on a couple of occasions, and regardless of what I was going through, that was still inappropriate. I’m still responsible for my own behavior no matter what’s going on. 

But I do want to contextualize my fuck-ups for two reasons:

The first reason is ego-driven, full-stop. Not even gonna gloss it over. I can’t defend being an asshole nor do I want to, but I think it’s normal and healthy to look back on your mistakes and go, damn, why the hell was I acting like this? 

Even on my best days, I can be very stubborn and self-important and pedantic and judgemental, and I certainly can’t say that I’ve never inadvertently offended someone–Sometimes a joke might not land as I hoped. Sometimes I get tangled up in my own thoughts, burdened by an excess of nuance and details, and I express things poorly while I try to account for all sides of things. Sometimes I can get a little too opinionated about blorbo stuff. Sometimes there might just be a full communication breakdown or an insurmountable personality clash–But I can also confidently say that I have acted with good intentions in this fandom far, far more than I have with spite or because of petty rivalries.

And when I did get caught up in the drama and gossip and the wank? I was literally at the lowest point I’d been in a very, very long time. 

Again, because I feel like I can’t say this enough, that doesn’t make acting like a dick in a Discord server any more excusable, that doesn’t mean I didn’t hurt anyone, and that doesn’t mean that someone I hurt during that time has to forgive me or stick around for me to grow. Hurting someone because you’re hurting is still not okay. But I’m pretty sure every single one of us has had a bad day (or two or three or 365 or–) and made an isolated bad decision (or two or three or–) because of it–None of us deserve to be wholly defined by those moments or denied a chance to learn from those mistakes and be better.

And I think the most important takeaway for me personally is that I have learned from these mistakes and I have not repeated them. Some of these mistakes even helped me realize that I needed professional support for my mental health, and they played a role in my seeking medication and therapy last year. I still have a lot of work to do, but the silver lining to all of this is that I am in a much better place today than I was 2 years ago (even if this year also fucking sucks for non-fandom reasons and I would still very much like a goddamn break.)

The other reason I wanted to share my journey of navel-gazing and healing a wounded ego ~*self-discovery*~ is I think there’s a very good chance my story might sound familiar to others in the fandom. Maybe someone else can learn from my hardships and mistakes, too. Maybe you too were dealing with chronic fatigue or mental health issues or financial stress or isolation or all of the above and then some, and it led you to fixate on things that were harmful to you, to form unhealthy relationships with equally hurt people, and to act in a way that you know doesn't reflect who you are. The past several years have been so hard on so many of us, and I think we’ve all brought a lot of pain and misery into the community even if we weren’t trying to.

A somewhat shameful realization I had last year was I could recognize that kind of behavior in other people, but I completely missed it in myself. I could see how people were making this fandom their whole world and how it was so damaging to them, but I was doing the exact same thing and I just let it go completely unchecked because I thought I knew better. It was a brutal lesson in the pitfalls of pride. 

--------

So I was initially thinking at this point, I would take the time to address a few specific lies, rumors, and insinuations that have been said about me over the past couple of years. Because while I was a jerk in a couple of situations, most of the things said about me are exaggerations, if not outright fabrications.

And I did start writing a lot of that out, but as I was doing it, I was just overcome with a huge feeling of OH MY GOD I just don’t fucking care anymore. As one of my dear, long-time fandom friends has pointed out, there’s a great line about just this kind of thing from one of my favorite characters in one of my favorite games: “Why should it [bother me]? They don’t know me. I know me.”

I also really don’t want to run the risk of pulling anyone back into the fray (especially if they’re not even in the fandom anymore or if we’ve talked privately about certain issues) by even alluding to shit that happened years ago.

Instead, I would like to offer three of my big takeaways from the experience of being falsely accused of awful things:

You do not know nearly as much as you think you know about people’s fandom relationships. The one semi-specific thing I will mention is that I had been explicitly named a few times as being in cahoots with people I don’t think I ever even spoke to or that I had already drifted away from–Just because you saw two people existing in the same public space doesn’t mean they’re besties, bestie. Also, friends don’t always have to agree with each other, nor should we be expected to participate in a public spectacle of shaming if we do have a disagreement. People are allowed to resolve their differences privately.  

Not all conflicts/disagreements are inherently abusive or toxic. When you are hurting or dealing with unresolved trauma or starting to confront uncomfortable truths about yourself, the slightest disagreement can feel like a personal attack, but that doesn’t mean it is. Sometimes differences might be irreconcilable, but sometimes they might not be if you don’t automatically assume the worst of someone with a different perspective than you. Sometimes we just need to give the other person a little grace and the benefit of the doubt that they’re doing their best. And sometimes we might need to consider that it’s actually our own behavior driving the conflict and not the other person.

Even in situations when someone has clearly been unfairly targeted/victimized, that doesn’t mean they can’t also be a perpetrator of harassment/abuse to someone else. Victim and abuser are not mutually exclusive roles. I would wager a lot of us are familiar with the cyclical nature of abuse, and to quote a line from one of my favorite movies (admittedly a bit of a flippant line in the context of the film, but it still rings true): hurt people hurt people. Accountability for shitty behavior is never conditional, regardless of the pain we’re experiencing. 

--------

I titled this my final reflection, and I want to clarify what that means:

First of all, I’m not leaving this fandom (don’t everyone clap at once ha ha ha). I’ve been in various online fandoms since the early 00s, and while this has been one of the more challenging communities for me to navigate, it’s not enough to make me give up something I love this much. My blorbos are my perpetual muses, and I feel like virtual photography is the creative outlet I’ve been searching for my entire life. I love this game and hobby too much to stop creating and sharing.

I’m also not leaving Tumblr. While I’ve had this specific account since 2016, I’ve been here since 2010–Tumblr is not just this fandom for me. I have many friends (some I’ve known since my original account in 2010!) from other fandoms, and I’m not losing the best place to hang out with other people who are special to me just because one fandom got a little unpleasant. (I mean, look, I weathered the DA fandom here circa 2012-2015–This ain’t my first rodeo.) I also have a lot of hope for the Tumblr Communities feature, and I’m really hoping the VP community we’ve set up can continue to grow and flourish.

But I am no longer addressing any of this wank. If you have a problem with something I’ve done or said to you and you want to address it with me directly (preferably in a private space just so we don’t keep putting this shit on people’s dashboards), I am open to conversation and apologizing where needed.

Otherwise, this is the last time I’m talking about it anywhere. Tumblr, Twitter, Discord, publicly, privately–I’m done. I’m washing my hands of it. I don’t want to hear anything else about what other people have done or who they’re friends with or who they’re following or what they’re saying about me or my friends or any of it. This bullshit has taken up too much of my time and energy, and I have very important smutty shots to take. 

And I am probably going to continue to be less active in the fandom on Tumblr, at least for a while. You probably won’t see me here much until September at the earliest. This time away has been really good for me, and I think I need to continue with limited Tumblring and making the time I am here more structured. Plus, with some of my other fave video game series returning this fall, my blog will probably shift back to a more well-balanced multi-fandom space. 

I’m also going to need to diversify my dash a little bit more, which means I will likely end up unfollowing some mutuals, particularly if we don’t interact often, if you don’t tag, or if I see any mention of fandom drama–It’s nothing personal, but I know breaking mutualship can hurt a little, so if following me after that makes you uncomfortable in any way, please don’t feel like you have to stick around. I totally get it. Similarly, if it would make you uncomfortable for me to continue to interact with your posts after unfollowing (because I probably will if you post in certain tags), please feel free to block me. 

Okay. Christ, that was long. Shut the fuck up already, right? This is why I can't do social media with character limits. ghdfjgjhkfdgkfdg

Seriously, though, that's it. People are welcome to comment on this post if they want, but I really have nothing else to say about any of this so please don’t be offended if I don’t reply. I’m not ignoring you, I’m just… Well, done.

[mamirhodessxox]

The Other Side Of Paradise

Re6!Leon Kennedy x Fem!Reader

Desc- An outbreak occurs over the early beginning of the summer while you & your newly engaged fiancé/work partner Leon Kennedy were at the Hospital to welcome your first babygirl only for things to occur VERY bad.

Contents- Violence, Disturbing details, Gore, Angst, Near Death occurrence, Infections, Fatal Pandemic, Guns, Death from the infected. Someone dies & it’s certainly not Leon or the Baby :(

{~I'm very serious with you guys interacting with my writing!!!! it would make me so happy & excited, the more comments & reposts the more inspiration i have to write :) Votes and comments are strongly appreciated so please COMMENT COMMENT COMMENT COMMEENNTTT the more comments the more content <3!!!~}

Today was supposed to be the best day of You & Leons life. You were welcoming your firstborn to the world today. This morning around 5:30 You had discovered your water had broken finally after an exciting 9 months. Leons heart was racing as he drove you to the ER. Every emotion was souring through his body, Fear, Joy, Love, Excitement, Anxiety, Everything.

For the first few hours everything was going smooth, Leon was chatting up the Doctor & You were having small contractions but nothing you couldn’t handle, Especially if you had went on missions with Leon, Contractions compared to the things you endured was practically nothing.

Soon they started to get worse so Leon decided to take you for a walk around the hospital to distract you, but you had to separate due to you having the urge to use the bathroom, while you went into the restroom Leon had waited for you & watched the TV in the hallway that had the news airing ‘Breaking news! A fatal variant outbreak of Las Plagas has hit the united states causing some American Citizens to go into almost zombie or cannibalistic acts! CDC has recommended to lock yourself in your homes and go into complete lock down until national security handles the current situation.’ Leon had felt his heart drop to the ground as he watched everyone panic, but his gut earlier almost knew something bad was going to happen, which is why he snuck a gun into the baby bag behind your back before your arrival to the hospital.

While you were in the bathroom washing your hands you had heard strange grunting in a bathroom stall that was unlocked causing you to become slightly concerned “Hello?” … “Hello? Are you alright in there..?” You had eased closer and closer to the stall but a woman who seemed extremely Ill dug her nails into your arms and slamming your back into the wall making you shriek which immediately caught Leons attention. He ran into the bathroom and immediately yanked the woman off of you and slammed her onto the ground “sweetheart!? What happened are you alright!?” You listened to him question you but you couldn’t help but feel an ultimate pain in your stomach “Get a fucking doctor..now leon!”

He nodded his head quickly without a question, when you both had left the restroom the entire Hospital was on lockdown, no regular lights on other than red ones that flashed with a loud alarm going off, “The fuck are you two doing!? Go to your fucking room!” A doctor shouted but leon stopped him “Your going with us, my fucking fiancé is going into labor!” The doctor looked at you & noticed black veins surrounding your arm “Your fiancée is fucking infected are you serious!? Figure it out!” Your body froze as you stopped your movement “Infected? What the hell do you mean INFECTED?” Leon look at your arm & notice the broken skin from the woman digging her nails in your arm “shit..baby your gonna be okay alright? And you, you’re coming with us and helping her give fucking birth am I clear?” He spoke to the doctor in a more threatening tome causing the man to meekly agree and go into the room with you both as well as 2 other nurses.

“If we do this fast enough your baby will be able to come out safe & sound but even now it’s a low chance so let’s get this over with.” The doctor spoke as he snapped on gloves & a mask while the nurses prepared everything for the baby’s arrival. Leon stood next to you as you laid in the bed. Everything hurt to the point where you started thrashing and screaming “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?? WHAT AM I INFECTED WITH WHY WON’T ANY OF YOU TELL ME!?” Leon crouched to your level and held your hand as he tried getting you to calm down “Miss I need you to take a deep breath and start push-“. “No! I’M NOT EVEN FUCKING READ-“ Leon grabbed your face and made you look directly at home “Sweetheart listen to the doctor and start pushing as hard as you possibly fucking can alright?” Tears ran down your face from the excruciating pain as you nodded your head, You took a sharp inhale & started pushing immediately “FU-FUCK!”

Leon felt you grab onto his hands as you started screaming at the top of your lungs “I don’t know if she will even make it” the doctor lightly mumbled as she kept pushing, blood was getting everywhere, you were becoming pale, your veins were turning black, Leon felt panic rush through his blood but all he could do was hold your head so you could focus on him & give birth “I love you so much sweetheart, you know that? I am so fucking proud of you baby your doing so good f’me, keep pushing angel your almost there”, he ran his fingers through your messy hair as your breath became rigid & short “One more push!” You squeezed your eyes shut & started pushing more & eventually you heard cries but your hearing sounded very muffled as you tried listening to Leon murmuring how proud he was of you & how beautiful you are. But soon everything went mute, your body went limp, your breathing stopped, everything stopped.

“Baby?? What the fuck happened to her? Why isn’t she responding? Sweetheart? C’mon wake up you have to meet her- it’s not time for this angel c’mon” Leon panicked as he started gently patting your face & lifting your head trying to wake you as one of the nurses held your guys’ newborn daughter who came out extremely healthy, the doctor checked your pulse & soon noticed that you were unresponsive.

They felt bad for Leon, this was the last thing he could possibly want, he had plans for you, he looked forward to nothing more than your wedding, he craved to see you walk down the isle while you held your sweet babygirl in the beautiful white gown you picked out, he craved to spend time with you in this exact room while you both cradled your healthy babygirl & think of what was to come, but unfortunately all of those plans soon vanished in the flick of a light.

Leon held your head up to his shoulder as he kissed your temple, and mumbled how much he loved you & wished this was all somehow a fucked up joke, but eventually he had to let go. The nurse quickly handed him your daughter & rushed out of the room with the doctor as she mumbled her condolences.

All he could do was sit and hold his daughter as he disassociated reminiscing on the past as utter chaos occurred behind these walls of the hospital,

He heard tour laugh echo through his ears as he remembered yesterday morning while he spoke to your stomach “We’re so excited to meet you princess, you have no idea” he looked up to see you smile as you played with his hair “I wonder what it will be like when she’s all grown up & gets a boyfriend one day” Leon glared and kissed your stomach “Your grounded until your 80 got that babygirl? I know you hear me.”

He finally returned to reality and looked down at his baby who was cooing and already opening her eyes, the eyes that looked exactly like yours, she was perfect, just as perfect as you. He got up and placed her on the nursing table and immediately started covering her in a tiny blanket, put a beanie on her head in hopes to cover her ears as he put on one of those baby wrap carries & grabbed the baby bag quickly pulling out a gun. He walked back over to the bed you were laid out in & kissed the top of your head one final time before looking down at his chest to his daughter.

“Let’s go Delilah, we have some things to handle..”

The only thing he was happy about was his daughter, & that you were now no longer in anymore suffrage & finally at the other side of paradise. He only hoped God would take care of you while he couldn’t.

It was now him & his little girl against the world. Starting today.

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