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remainingso · 6 years ago

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WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON KING OF SCARS???

HELLO FRIEND okay so uhhh i hope you wanted (-checks word count-) nearly 2.5k of meta. Because. That’s what I have. I clearly have so many thoughts on King of Scars.

So without further ado, let’s dive in!!! (spoilers ABOUND like literally EVERYWHERE under the cut)

To start: I wanted to love this book so, so badly. In fact, I find it basically unratable? I loved the first 50% with my entire heart and the latter 50% just felt like… the world’s longest disappointment. Ultimately I think this book could’ve been so much more, and the reason I’m kind of mad at it is that it promised me so many things that it never ended up delivering on.

So! Sections, because I’m articulating my salt, dammit.

on breaking open your world

One of the things I loved the most about the first part of this book was the sense of scale we were finally getting from the world. it made sense for Ravka to be isolated in the original trilogy—the whole plot was about getting rid of the Shadowfold to open it back up to the rest of the world. And we got glimpses of the wider Grishaverse politics in Crooked Kingdom especially. I thought King of Scars was going to finally be the book where we go GLOBAL in scope. I adored all the political talk early on—I genuinely thought we were building up to some sort of fantasy World War I! The Zemeni navy starting to challenge the Kerch hold on the seas! Messy alliances between the countries!

I wanted so much more of that—I wanted to know more about why there was war brewing. A lack of resources? The Zemeni new and hungry and eager for more? Fjerda wanting a holy war against the Ravkan Grisha presence? Kerch Greed? I wanted to see what Ravka looks like at war with something outside of itself. I wanted to see Nikolai struggle over how to protect his people and his land. I wanted to see him mess up. I wanted to see him make difficult decisions about how to govern.

Instead, I got half a book of…training montage.

And instead of widening the world globally, we got a lot of Lore.

(Just so much Lore. I really didn’t need to know the origins of why the Grisha are named after a diminutive of Grigori, man. That felt lame and kind of defensive after years of that criticism lol.)

Right off the bat: I didn’t like the revelation of the Saints being real. I didn’t like the weird in-between location Nikolai and Zoya spend literally half the book in. First of all, I never thought that Bardugo’s magic system was built on the most solid of foundations, and I think that this attempt to deepen the mythos, essentially, does more harm than good. I end up with more questions than answers: how does it count as mutual sacrifice when you make an amplifier if you don’t actually die and there’s one obvious dominant consciousness? How does it work that you can become one with an amplifier and then someone else can then become one with you+amplifier? Is there a limit to how many times you can do that? WHY were these particular Saints drawn to the shadowfold? And, beyond that, what are the Saints in service to? I think Bardugo tried to dig into the nature of her religion, but I don’t understand the fundamental Core to this belief system: who’s god? Without god, who are the Saints being martyred for? And when people pray to the Saints, what values are they purporting to uphold? I feel like these are all sort of central questions you need to make clear when you go deep into religious world building, and because she focused so much on the Saints without answering those questions for me, it ultimately felt kind of cheap and hollow.

And because Nikolai & Zoya are…basically stuck there for the whole second half of the book, we don’t get to see them actually interact with Ravka as it is? There’s a lot of narration about Nikolai thinking of what Ravka means to him, but that’s ultimately meaningless for me if I don’t see him make any decisions in service to her. He’s isolated and cut off from the government! This is a book about a King who never does any real King-ing.

the feminist aesthetic

This book has a very empowering aesthetic. And by that, I mean it claims to be empowering without actually supporting that with textual events. There are a lot of nice quotes about powerful women, but at almost every single turn, it undermines the power the women in the book have.

so Let’s Talk About Zoya

I love Zoya! I think YA needs more girls like Zoya, who are unapologetically mean, who gets to be ruthless and prickly and aren’t seen as wrong for it. I love that Nikolai clearly wants her to step on him. I love so much about her.

What I don’t love is how the narrative treats her.

I don’t like that she lets herself be drowned over and over and over, all so Nikolai can level up—and she doesn’t even punch him in the face for it after? She just literally smiles and lets it happen. Why does she have to be reduced to the precious thing he’s fighting for? Why does she have to suffer to force him to action? I love that Nikolai thinks Zoya can be Queen—but, does he really? He says he does. But he literally doesn’t listen to her a single time in the book. And she has good suggestions! Killing his dad? Would’ve solved their problem at the end where he aligns himself with the Fjerdans. Not listening to Yuri? Would’ve solved their entire Darkling problem by the end. Pick a bride? Stay in Ravka? Kill the Darkling at the end? All really good ideas! The book tells us that Zoya can be queen, and then spends the entire run-through relegating her to support role. What does Zoya do for herself? I don’t like that in order to have her “level up” they took away her power, and then had a man give her his power in order for her to thrive.

Okay so this line: “Men looked at her and wanted to believe they saw goodness beneath her armor, a kind girl, a gentle girl who would emerge if only given the chance.” I LOVE this idea so much. I love the notion of like a girl who doesn’t need to be saved, because she isn’t soft underneath; she’s all steel. But I can’t help but feel like the scene where Zoya confesses how she got her amplifier in the first place basically entirely undermines this concept. I thought, going in, that we were going to get a story about baby Zoya who snuck out in the middle of the night to stake a kill for herself, a baby Zoya who stole the tiger out from under everyone’s nose because she was wanted to show them all she could do it, and she didn’t mind the blood on her hands. I don’t like that we got a story about how she wanted to protect the baby cubs instead! I don’t like that this bonding moment between Zoya and Nikolai is one where she…reveals the kind, gentle girl underneath her armour. I didn’t want the story of how she got her power to be rooted in her secret maternal compassion for baby cubs; I wanted her to be ruthless. I wanted her to have killed and regretted it, maybe. I wanted that moment between them to be one where she tells him about her raw ambition and bite, and he understood that about her.

I’m not super here for all the… women have to suffer in order to Overcome vibe either? I mean it’s Bardugo’s prerogative, and I’m not saying it’s problematic or anything, but just that she has a history of making female characters necessarily suffer for growth (see: Genya, Inej) and I don’t like how Zoya’s trauma backstory with being exploited by a shitty man falls into that pattern. Why can’t she have been just angry? Why does she need a reason?

the shu han problem

I’ve had a long-standing issue with the way the Shu have been depicted in the Grishaverse, and this book did nothing to alleviate that. To start off, the strange Mongolia-China mashup culture is problematic in and of itself. In the Original Trilogy, we get the sole asian martial artist teacher trope full blast; not good! I never talk about this, but I actually hated how the Shu were treated in Six of Crows. I really do love that duology, but I sure don’t like that the Shu are…basically one dimensional villains throughout. The committee gets called “greedy” explicitly out of all the other committees present at the auction in Crooked Kingdom? Kuwei doesn’t get to speak for himself, and his entire storyline is basically a proxy for Jesper and Wylan to get together. I still don’t even know what his personality is like.

So I went into King of Scars hoping for…something more. Something better. And I mostly came away cold.

I still feel like we don’t know anything about Shu Han. Sure we know they have poetry. And a single instrument. But the matriarchy thing is so often used as a lazy shorthand to make a foreign country seem interesting and more foreign that I feel like it doesn’t tell us anything. What’s their word for Grisha? What’s their relationship to the Grisha? Are they evil, like in Fjerda? Wanted, like in Ravka? What’s their religion? What do their people believe in? Why do they want to go to war with Ravka? We’ve seen nuance in how a country can be a beautiful place even if its government holds terrible tenants: look at Fjerda. Why don’t we have the same nuance here? Sure, Tolya and Tamar exist, but they’re framed as like traitors? And on the Good side because of that? I don’t like that their number one allegiance is to a white girl, in the end. I don’t like that we got almost nothing from either Ehri or Mayu about their relationship to their country. I don’t like that Mayu was basically forced into helping her country, so we still have this… villainous view of the government & everything it stands for. I don’t like that Ehri is literally still a disposable girl, DESPITE that we supposedly have this matriarchy happening. I don’t like that they’re literally forcing her to marry Nikolai. I don’t like that they framing is the benevolent (white) protagonists, swooping in to save this naive princess from her monstrous home country.

I think Isaak’s POV is ultimately kind of useless and only there so we feel sad about him dying at the end. Functionally, we don’t need Isaak’s POV to know that there’s a fake Nikolai, and not much actually happens that only he can know about. Why couldn’t we have gotten Mayu’s POV? We know Nikolai’s elsewhere; so as soon as “Nikolai” shows up we’ll know he’s a fake. Why don’t the Shu get a voice?

the man of the hour

hey if you’ve made it this far, I’m going to talk about the Darkling now! (…yay?)

So this book spends like 90% of its run subtly reinforcing that the Darkling was Wrong and his ideas were dangerous and that overall he was bad for Ravka. it’s hard not to see this in a sort of metatextual bent—a lot of what Yuri espouses is what the fandom reaction to the original trilogy was and continues to be: That he could’ve ruled Ravka and led them into glory. That he was misunderstood. That he deserves to be worshipped. And I thought the existence of the Cult of the Starless Saint was a clever nod, a sort of guiding hand for Bardugo to reinforce the message of the original trilogy. That message being that like, guys, he’s kind of a shitty dude. And would’ve been a bad leader. I thought there was something really interesting she was doing here about how people always will gravitate towards powerful demagogues. That powerful men often are heard above all.

But I thought she was going to like… refute that. Alina’s entire war was to get rid of this fucker. The original trilogy told us that powerful men can be defeated. That who we should want to emulate instead are the girls who fight against them.

And now he’s back.

I can’t help but feel betrayed. I can’t help but feel like bringing him back, especially as the culmination of the book, reinforces the idea instead that, actually, the whole goddamn grishaverse revolves around him. That Yuri was right. Because he was. He was right about the visions, he was right about the return of his saint, and so what does that mean this book is saying about the voice of this powerful men? That it deserves to be heard? The Darkling gets the very last word of the book—it’s hard not to think that this is what the whole thing has been building up towards, in the end.

I don’t actually think that Bardugo is trying to say that we should all worship the Darkling. But I do think that this was a clumsy move that inadvertently muddles so much of what came prior—and for what? A cheap twist?

on expectation and disappointment

again, at the end of all this, my point is that the core of my issues is that the book simply doesn’t deliver on a lot of what it set up. It feels like I read two different books. I don’t expect this book to be perfect, but I find it hard to forgive a lot of the faults I find when the feeling I came away from was ultimately…dissatisfaction. I felt empty, finishing. I feel empty thinking about it. I’m just really sad about all the things it could’ve been—because I think it could’ve been so great.

There’s so much I loved! Like I said, the entire first 50%? Gorgeous, magnificent, showstopping. I adored all of it. The underground bunker! The science and magic mingling! Nina and Matthias!!! And there’s stuff I don’t really want to get into because it gets nitpicky lol (some logistics stuff with Nina’s plotline near the end). But basically I likened reading this book to feeling like I was on a rollercoaster, and super enjoying the cranking climb upward for the first half, and then, instead of the swooping, exhilarating fall, the entire track just collapsed underneath me.

So that’s where I’m at. I’m happy to talk about it and I really enjoy discussing the parts I loved! And I’m happy to field anyone who wants to tell me why they loved it, because, again, I would love to love this book. Please. Convince me. But at the end of the day, I’m sad and I’m mad and I’m disappointed. What a bummer.

#king of scars spoilers #Anonymous

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dammitadolfnomorecake · 6 years ago

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SCSI draft

Eren's fever finally broke after a day and half of his fiancé mumbling deliriously. Hanji had the been only one Levi allowed into Eren's room, despite both Mikasa and Armin asking if they could see him. Eren just wasn't up for visitors. He cried and begged to be let go each time Hanji touched him, even if it was a simple accidental touch as she changed the cold compress. She didn't need to say it. The grim expression she wore each time she looked at Eren was more than enough to tell him how fragile Eren's state was right now. His body wasn't healing at all. His wrist wasn't infected, but Hanji couldn't stitch the wound due to Eren being so damn scared. Levi had tried, but his right arm was still practically useless thanks to the ghoul blood, though part of it may have also been from the psychological trauma over seeing Eren's wrist chewed so badly. He only ever fed from Eren's wrists at his insistence, not wanting to force the teen to remember the trauma of being chained, so for him to chew at it, felt like a betrayal of the trust Eren placed in him. Forced to shower by Hanji, Levi wasn't in a great mood. Shitty black goop continued to ooze from his wound, despite the fact he'd examined it and found it bullet free. His gums and teeth also had the same unhealthy black tinge, which he'd barely been able to keep hidden from Hanji. He wasn't getting better. Just like Eren wasn't really getting all that better. He knew Eren didn't want to leave the house, not if he was given the choice, so he'd been keeping his mouth closed... but maybe taking Eren back to the castle really was the right thing to do. Hanji's lab was better equipped there, and the infirmary was actually designed to cope with trauma. Here was just their bed, and the kitchen table for surgery. Eren deserved more. He deserved all the medical care they could get, and more... so why was he hesitating? If this had been before the brat had wormed his way in under Levi's skin, and before he'd worked his way into his heart... or even if Eren had just been another shitty brat, he would have sent them to get professional help. So why couldn't he just make the call? Why was it when he looked at his fiancés pained face, all he could hear was Eren begging to stay here? It wasn't safe here. Eren had even started packing to leave the here... but... was he being selfish? This place had been their home. It was where he first admitted to Eren that he was tired of trying to deny his growing feelings for the brat. It was the place Eren wanted to go when they'd saved him. It'd been their small corner of the world while Eren got his feet back under him... was it him being selfish? He already knew he didn't want to share his brat. He didn't want people close to him. He didn't want Eren's attentions being on anyone other than him... but if Eren was going to die... Levi shook his head in disgust, lashing out and smashing the bathroom mirror with a satisfying clatter and tinkering. When had he become this weak and obsessed creature? When did his desires to monopolise Eren's existence mean that he was willing to risk Eren's life? He'd fallen. He'd fallen so fucking hard and so fucking far. Barely able to recognise the reflection of the man he eyed in disgust, in the pieces to shattered mirror glass. This. This wasn't him. He was "Humanities Strongest". He was the one they all called cold. The one who's glare sent soldiers scattering. The one who slade werewolves like he didn't care if he lived or died. He was the one who Eren had aspired to be like... so when had he become so soft? When had he given into his own deeper desires? When had he settled with just being Eren's lover? He yelled and screamed about protecting him, yet Eren could die and he hadn't raised his hand to do a single thing to help him. He needed to make the call... so why couldn't he do it? Was it fear that Eren would hate him? Maybe... probably... more than likely. His brat was headstrong and unstoppable... when it came to all the wrong things. He'd be mad. He'd yell. He'd probably even scream at him... Gripping the sink, he hung his head. "Levi?" Letting herself into the bathroom, Hanji walked to his side. The woman not speaking as she turned him, forcing him into her tight embrace. With shaking fingers, Levi grabbed her jacket "I don't know what to do" "What do you want to do?" "He needs help" "He does... he is improving, but we've already been here for too long. Whoever attacked you may still be in the area, or they may have even moved to attack the castle" "He... he doesn't feel safe here. But he doesn't want to leave" "I know you want to respect his wishes, but the castle is better equipped to provide the medical care he needs" "I know. It... it scares me to see him like this" "I know it does. I know you'd do anything for him, but at what cost? You're not sleeping properly. You're not eating. I had to send you to shower. You look like shit" "Fuck you, four eyes" "Look. If you really have to ask Eren what he wants, then we'll wait" "I don't want to force him into a situation he doesn't want. I don't want him to feel like he's a prisoner again" "His fever has broken. I suspect he'll wake sooner rather than later" "And what do I tell him?" "The truth. He'd hate to see you like this" "Not a word of this..." "Or you'll kill me. I know. Can I ask for one tiny favour?" "It depends" "Try and get some sleep. Even if it's only an hour or two. Eren's going to be so worried about you..." "So for Eren's sake, I need to clean myself up?" "You're the one who said it. Levi, it's alright to love Eren and to want to make him happy, but you need to love you first. If you don't show yourself love, you're not going to be happy" "I have no idea what you're on about" "Just think about it" Showing himself love? How was that all that different from his usual day? He'd shower. He'd dress. He'd make breakfast. He'd clean. He'd read or work the garden or chop the firewood or practice his hand to hand alone. And if Eren wanted his attention, he got ever last bit of it. Things only truly came to a grinding halt each time Eren was hurt or sick. That's when he seemed to lose his head. Maybe Eren's scent glands released something that begged him to stay close? He knew Eren couldn't control his scent... but his brat should know he'd be there for him... what had Eren told him the other day? He needed a hair cut? Ok... he could start there. * Eren felt exhausted. He felt like his exhaustion had had sex with more exhaustion, and he was the by product of it all. Every part of his body felt heavy, so tired that the smallest touch send pain flaring through him. He couldn't even raise himself to go to the toilet or to get a glass of water, no matter how dry his mouth was. Laying next to him, Levi was snoring softly. His heart ached for his alpha. He looked so sick and pale, his beautiful featured marred by dark bags beneath his eyes. He hadn't meant to worry Levi. He hadn't meant to collapse after Zeke shot his fiancé. He'd been so scared that Levi wouldn't come back to him, that he'd lost consciousness. He'd done this to him. It was because of him that Levi was sick and suffering. Even if he could smell Hanji, and knew she was around, Hanji hadn't been able to help Levi. Sliding his hand towards Levi, it felt like forever before his fingers brushed his alpha's. Looping their little fingers together, he couldn't help but feel guilt as Levi's silver-grey eyes fluttered open, still, he forced a smile. He didn't want Levi to keep worrying "Eren..." Levi's voice was rough, and raw. Hurting his already aching heart further "Levi..." "You had me worried brat" "I'm so sorry" Coughing weakly, he wrinkled his nose at the awkward lump now stuck in his throat "Water?" Nodding, Levi slid from beside him. Rounding the bed, Levi took the glass from the bedside table into his hold, before helping him up enough to sip. It felt amazing and he couldn't help but gulp it down thirstily. When the glass was drained, Levi placed it back down, a hand taking his left as he placed his other hand on Eren's forehead "How do you feel?" "Exhausted. The baby?" "Still in there. Hanji's worried" "I'm not doing good, am I?" "No... she wants to move you to the castle, but I needed to hear what you want" "If we go, will she help you?" "I'm fine" Eren frowned "You're sick. I can smell it... it's the bullet wound, from Zeke?" "It'll heal. This is about you, not me" "Levi... don't ask me to chose. I chose you and I trust you... even if you're lying to me about your wound" Levi sighed "It's not great" "He... Zeke said our baby is a sin... that you're only with me to feed from me" Levi's expressions darkened "Eren, who's Zeke? Why did he come after us? After you? I need to know more about him" Eren found himself almost stuttering "I. He. Grisha..." Before shaking his head. This was important and he needed to focus "Grisha's son. He's a shifter" "Your brother?" Levi sounded as confused as he was "He said so... from outside the world. He said he wanted to save me... he wanted to take me away, but I wouldn't leave you" The teen's eyes welled with tears "You wouldn't wake up. I couldn't make you feed. I tore my arm up, but you wouldn't take it... I was so fucking scared you were dying and I was losing you and the baby" Levi's fingers moved up to stroke his hair "I'm still here. You're not getting rid of me that easily. Thank you for saving me" "You're still sick" "I have you" "It's not the same... ow... your baby is kicking" Levi's sadness seemed to fade a little, his eyes moving up Eren's stomach. His poor alpha probably feared he was losing the baby too "Did you... you can touch it" "I don't want to hurt you. Hanji said it's important you rest and avoid stress" "I think it'll help. They always liked your touch" Levi released his aching hand, placing his hand gently, yet firmly on his swell. It took a few moments, but the alpha let out a shaky sob "Thank Maria" "Levi... I trust your choices. I'll follow you everywhere" "We'll go. You deserve more than this" "And you'll get Hanji to look at your wounds?" "I will" Giving Levi a warm smile, Eren let his eyes drift closed again. Levi was going to get checked... he was going to be alright... he couldn't describe how relieved he was "I love you" "I love you too, Eren. So much" * Leaving Eren to sleep, Levi headed downstairs to face Hanji and the Brat Squad. He'd been avoiding them all, but now he had things he needed to talk about. Sighing heavily as he stepped off the stairs, the whole Brat Squad turned to look at him, while Hanji rose to her feet "Did you talk to him?" "Yeah. He wants to go. Mikasa, you're Eren's adoptive sister, did you ever hear the name Zeke?" Mikasa frowned, shaking her head "Are you sure? This isn't the time for games" "I don't know who or what you're talking about. How is Eren? Can we see him?" "Eren woke for a few minutes, but he's asleep again. So, you're certain you've never heard of Zeke? What about you, Armin?" "No, sir. Is something wrong?" "Possibly. Hanji, I need to talk to you" "I'll be right with you. Guys, if we're leaving, we need to pack" Jean scoffed "Pack what? Has Eren had the baby? We've all heard his screams. He must have right? Or is he still useless?" Fuck... the kid needed to learn how to keep his mouth shut "No. He's still heavily pregnant. None of you are to touch him, he can't handle being touched" Jean rolled his eyes. Snarling, Levi narrowed his "If anyone disobeys that direct order, I will find a werewolf and feed you to them, myself. Hurry up, Shitty Glasses" Hanji followed him into the kitchen, Levi sinking down into the closest chair "What did he say?" "I was shot by a group of shifters, like him" Hanji's eyes lit up "There are more like Eren?" "Some guy named Zeke. He'd Eren's older brother" "That's a lie!" Levi closed his eyes and clenched his hands into fists, trying not to snap at Mikasa's unwelcome interruption "Mikasa, go help the others. We need to leave as soon as possible" "Eren doesn't have a brother" "This doesn't concern you" "I would know if Eren had a brother... he would have told me..." Opening his eyes, he fixed Mikasa with a cold glare "This is none of your business" "Eren doesn't belong to you" "No. Eren is his own person, who has asked me to make all decisions on his behalf" Mikasa looked scandalised "Mikasa, Levi and I need to talk. Please return to the others" "I want to see Eren" "Don't you dare disturb him" "I won't disturb him. I'm his sister!" Growling, Levi pushed his chair back, marching over to the girl and grabbing her roughly by the shoulders "The last thing he wants or needs is to be disturbed right now. You'll only end up hurting him if you go to him right now" Shoving back, Levi stumbled. He opened his mouth to reply, but black spit ran from the corner. Grabbing cravat, he wiped at it "Just stay away from him" Mikasa stormed off, not commenting on what she'd just seen. He wasn't so lucky with Hanji "Want to tell me what that is?" "Spit" "It was black" "It's just left over from being fucking poisoned by Eren's shit brother" "Levi, if..." "I'm fine. Fucking drop it. We have more pressing concerns" He'd told Eren he'd get checked, and he would... once they were safely away from this place... Hanji threw her hands up in the air "Ok. Ok. What else did he say?" "That Zeke said he wanted to save him. He was the one who ripped up his own arm, because I wouldn't wake up" "I know that's been weighing on your mind" "How could it not be? You and I both know he's not ok" "Now that I know he was exposed to the Ghoul blood, it's possible that was to blame for his fever. I still don't want him stressing. Will you be able to assist in carrying him down to the cart?" "You brought a cart?" "For him. It'll be gentler on his body" "He can't stand being touched, so I'll need to stay with him. It'll be better if we can move with him without the others staring. He'll start worrying over them and what they're thinking of him" "He's too much of a sweetheart. I can send the kids out, then you can help him down" "I really want him to get some rest" "We don't have the luxury. If this Zeke has shown up to save Eren now, there has to be something more to it" "That's what I was thinking. Also, vampires and werewolves don't get on, according to him" "Really? You and Eren have been attracted to each other since day one. I'll have to remember to ask him later" "Just let him rest" "I didn't mean this very moment. Why don't you pack what you think you'll both need? You don't need to take everything" "Zeke's already been through the storeroom. I didn't tell Eren, but there were footprints through the house, and scents in the storeroom" "But if Zeke wanted to save Eren, why didn't he take him?" "Maybe he just wanted to know what Eren knew about Grisha? How the fuck am I supposed to know?" "Did he take anything?" "I don't know. Eren's been in there, so he would" "I'll leave asking him about it to you. I'll take a look and see if I can find anything out of place" "Just stay..." "Away from Eren. I know" Levi packed their essentials. If Zeke really wanted something from them, he could have, and probably would have taken it already. He didn't want to take him back to the castle, but Zeke had basically declared him the enemy, which meant he needed all the back up he could get. Waiting until he was done with the packing, he then woke Eren. His omega giving him a dopey smile, as he reached out for him "You're frowning. Did Hanji give you bad news?" "No. But we're going back to the castle soon" "How's your wound?" "Healing. How do you feel?" "Sleepy. Sore. Sleepy... and I need to use the bathroom" At least Eren was perkier than he had been "The bathroom? I think I could help with that" "I might pass out again" "If you fall off the toilet, I promise to pick you up" "So romantic" "I try. But seriously, how do you feel?" "Like shit, and fat. Really, really fat" "Because you're really, really pregnant?" "Wait? When did that happen?" "You little shit" "Just help me up. Sina. I can already smell everyone" "Mikasa was ready to break you out" "She's the last person I want to break me out" "I'm glad to hear that. Let's get you to the bathroom" Moaning as he rose, Eren then sighed as he placed his hands on his stomach "Fuck you, and fuck your dick. Look how badly you knocked me up" "Keep that up and I'll knock you up all over again" "Maybe in the future... let's just get through this pregnancy first" So Eren wanted more children with him? He actually... he wanted more?! Levi's heart swelled with pride. * Bundled up in half a dozen blankets, Levi had carried him down to the cart, where Eren was now trying to become as small as possible. The scents were almost overwhelming, and it was fucking freezing outside. No wonder every looked like they'd bitten into raw onions. Ok. So it might have been the fact he looked like shit and ready to go into labour, oh, and that Levi had threatened to kill anyone who touched him, but he could dream. It also might have been due to his tear stained face. He'd asked Levi to search the supply room for his journal and his papers, but his secret hiding spot was empty. He didn't know why someone, presumably Zeke, would take his letter to his baby. It wasn't some kind of secret code and didn't have any information on Grisha. It was private. The only reason he'd had to ask Levi to find it is because he was the more mobile one. Though no one seemed to notice just how sick he smelt... but Hanji was making Levi ride on their mare, so that meant he had to be alright... right? Ignoring the way Sasha, Connie and Jean kept looking towards his stomach. Eren watched Levi, he frowned at the way Levi seemed to slump every so often. His lips drawn in pain. Thumping the side of the cart, Levi looked his way... before proceeding to scare the shit out of him as Levi slumped... and fell off his horse. Screaming his alpha's name, Hanji pulled the carriage to a stop. Levi was laying on the ground, his whole body spasming like he was having a seizure. Screaming for Levi again, he tried to push himself up, only for his stomach to give a solid throb of pain that took his breath away "Eren!" Scrambling across the back of the cart, Armin pulled him into his arms. His first desire was to run. The feel of Armin's skin against him made him want to vomit "Eren's calm down. Hanji's got him..." "Levi... fuck... fuck..." Grunting, he grabbed his stomach. His baby was kicking up a storm or something, because it all fucking hurt! "Hanji, Eren's making noises!" Jean's yelling was followed by an "oof, what the fuck!", as Mikasa smacked him hard enough to make Eren smile slightly through the pain. Jean totally deserved it "Get down here and help me lift him" "What? Why me?" "Because you're the one complaining!" Laying Levi out, his friends were evicted from cart, as Eren cradled Levi's head the best he could. Levi's face was still pained, but his fiancé seemed calmer now he was in his arms "Eren, can you tell me more about the bullet wound?" "Why? He said he was going to talk to you" "He might have said that, but he continually insisted he was healing" "Fucking arsehole!" He would have punched Levi, had he been awake, and not the cause of Eren's heart attack "Eren, what happened when Levi was attacked?" "I... I was upstairs packing, when I heard the bang. Zeke shot him with a bullet filled with ghouls blood" "Where?" "He didn't show you? Or... chest. I pulled it out! He's supposed to be feeling better!" Hanji was less than gentle as she ripped open Levi's shirt. The wound in his lover's chest was black, and oozing "How far in was the bullet?" "I... I don't know..." Eren paled, swallowing hard to keep himself from vomiting. Clicking her fingers in his face, he looked from Levi's chest "Eren. I need you to focus. How far in was the bullet?" "I... I don't know. I used my nails to pull it out... he was... he was coughing up blood and black stuff... this... this is my fault" "Enough. You can pity yourself all you want, but it was Zeke's fault. Not yours. I need to open him up. There may be bullet fragments within in the wound" "Wouldn't... wouldn't they just heal out?" "He heals differently to you. As it is, he was shot in the chest. He should be dead from drowning on his own blood. Your blood was probably all that stopped that, but I have no idea. He never used to heal like this" "I don't know... I wasn't thinking. I couldn't think. I just wanted him to wake up" "I need to check it. Keep him under control?" "How am I supposed to do that?" "I'm sure you'll think of a way" "Should I feed him?" "By now, you probably know him better than any of us" Nodding, Eren then bit into his hand, before placing it in Levi's mouth. How could he have not told Hanji, and how could he just lie to him. He placed his trust in him. He told him he'd follow him... without Levi... he was just Eren. Tears rolled and dropped from his face onto his stomach "Eren, are you in pain? If it's too much, I can ask one of the others" "It hurts... but it hurts more that he lied to me" "He didn't want you to worry" "He still lied... I told him I'd follow him... Hanji... I... everything I have and everything I, is wrapped up in him" "He's tough. You both are, and so is that baby of yours" Eren's voice fell to a whisper "I'm so fucking scared, Hanji" "I know. But you're not alone" "I can't remember who I used to be" "You're still you. You both worry about each other so much, and you're both going to be just fine. Just try not to go into labour until I've stitched him up. I might be god like, but I've only got two hands" Eren snorted a very unsexy snot bubble "Gross... but I think he's drinking, so do it now" When the bullet pierced Levi's chest, it'd fragmented. His fiancé had been walking around with slivers of bullet and rib bone in his fucking lungs. Anyone other than Levi, or him, wouldn't have survived... Levi barely survived... with his fiancé unconscious and propped up in his arms, the rest of the trip to castle was slow and awkward. He couldn't get comfortable. He couldn't stop shaking from the pain, and he couldn't let it show. He didn't want Levi to worry, even though he was royally pissed at the man. He could have fucking died, and it would have been because he'd kept his fucking mouth shut... When he was grown arse man who should fucking know better. * Levi knew the moment he woke that he was in the shit with Eren. His fiancé was sitting next to him, reading some book, and they were in his room at the castle... He had no idea how Eren had managed the stairs, but the scowl on the teen's beautiful face told him to keep his mouth shut "Don't talk to me" "Can I ask what happened?" Eren snapped the book closed, slamming it down on the bedside table "Oh you know. You lied to my face. You walked around with bits of bone and bullet in your lung. You fell off your horse. You had a fucking seizure. You nearly stopped breathing. You didn't tell Hanji you were sick. You didn't even try to get help for yourself" "I was going to talk to her... I just wanted to be here for you" "Well you're going to fucking love this. We're under arrest" "We're what?" "Yeah. While you were fucking unconscious, I had to deal with Erwin. And everyone staring at the fat pregnant freak. There was also a werewolf attack in the capital, you know, I'm the "only one" who can shift" "What?" "God. Just go back to sleep, or clean or go take a shit. Don't speak to me" "Eren..." "Nope" "Come on" "Come on what?! No. I'm mad" "What can I do?" "Be an arsehole! Swear! Clean! I don't know, but be yourself for a fucking change! I don't want this. I don't want to be mad at you. I just... I just want you to take better care of yourself" "This, coming from you" "In my defence, I'm fucked in the head" "You're not fucked in the head. A little mixed up, but getting there" "Nooo. I'm pretty sure everyone thinks I'm crazy" "What did you do?" "I yelled at Erwin over you being unconscious, and calling us back here. When I didn't want to be here... then I made Mike carry you up here. Erwin said we weren't allowed to walk around the castle freely. I also threw up on his feet" Wrapping his arm around Eren, Levi snorted "I fucking love your style" "Don't try to sweet talk me. You have no idea what it's been like" "How long was I out?" "6 days" Levi shot up, Eren let out a giggle. A fucking giggle! He hadn't heard that sweet sound in far too long "3 days. That was payback for what you put me through" "And you? You're not..." "I'm not in labour. Hanji gave me a sedative. It like makes my body relaxed, but I can still think and walk and talk" "You took a sedative?" "I don't want to talk about it" "Eren, I'm sorry I hid this from you" "You lied to me" "I know" "You lied to Hanji" "That's nothing unusual" "You can't even be serious" "What am I supposed to say?" "I don't know. Ok. These last three days were tough. I don't like it here. I don't like the smells. I don't like the feeling. I don't like you being sick. Ok. I've gone back to being public enemy number one because other than my word, we have no evidence that Zeke even exists. There was an attack on the Capital, and everything has gone to fucking shit. I'm tried and I'm sore and Hanji insists that I need to be checked on every few hours. I can't take the look in her eyes. I can't take you nearly dying. I feel like I'm suffocating. So right now, I need you to get up, and take a shower. I need you to just pretend I'm not here, because I need space to think, but we're locked in here" "I'll talk to Erwin" "Erwin's only doing his job" "It's not his job to lock us up" "Just go take a shower or something" Crawling from his bed, which he was now appreciating in a whole new light, Levi headed into his private bathroom. A thick layer of dust covered everything except for the toilet and shower. Moving to stand in front of his mirror, he eyed his reflection as he checked his mouth and gums, finding them finally free of that black shit. Next he stripped his shirt, pulling off the bandage around his chest as he did. The wound had lost its black tinge, but still looked red and angry. It was definitely going to scar. Sighing, he reached over and turned the shower on, letting the water run as he tried to actually process everything Eren had told him. Zeke was a shifter. There had been an attack on the Capital by werewolves. Zeke had to be the one behind the attack, but why? Was this what he wanted to save Eren from? Stripping off his pants, he threw the dirty clothes into the basket. If he'd been out for three days, Erwin could have visited Eren any number of times. He could have told the teen anything, and he could have filled Eren's head with all kinds of rubbish. His omega was around 35 weeks, which left 5 weeks... maybe even 4. He didn't know how long they'd been unconscious in the living room, before he'd woken. And had his wound really been that bad? Bone and bullet fragments? He shouldn't have been up and moving if it was. Levi was just about to step into the shower when he heard the door open. Was this why Eren wanted him out the room? Because he knew Hanji was coming? Having left the door partially open, he peaked through the gap. Hanji had a tray of food, and her usual creepy smile on her face. Cursing the loudness of the shower, he soon blessed it as the pair started talking "I see lover boy finally woke up" "You have great timing. He just got into the shower" "How is he? Is he cranky?" "He's an arsehole" "I know you're mad, but it's been three days" "Three days of being locked up" "I know sweetie. I know you're not happy, but you need to rest. Did you tell him?" "I told him about Erwin and the Capital" "How did he take it?" "He wants to talk to Erwin" "Of course he does. I know you and he don't see eye to eye, but this is for your own safety" "No. It would have been safer to send Mike to warn us" "You know he couldn't do that" "No. The only reason he didn't is because he wanted Levi back. I'm just dragged along because I'm the man eating monster" "Eren, you know none of us see you like that" "If you didn't, I wouldn't be trapped here" "You're on bedrest. You're lucky you didn't lose the baby" "I'm not so sure anymore" "You're not sure if you didn't lose it?" "No. It's still there. I can feel it moving still. I mean. If I was on my own, I could run" "That would only make you look guilty" "At least I would be doing something" "You are. That bleed scared all of us, even if you did throw up on Erwin before you collapsed" That little shit. He'd left that out! Now who was lying "It was mostly slick" "Eren..." "Don't Hanji. I'm being a good boy. I'm taking all your pills. I'm staying locked up. I'm doing what you all want" Hanji sighed heavily, sinking to sit on the edge of the bed beside Eren "We all have our obligations. In a perfect world, you'd be free to love Levi and to have your baby in peace" "In a perfect world, Levi wouldn't be like this. I don't want to be mad. I don't want to hate him. I don't want to be mean" "I know you don't, sweetie. I brought some soup up for lunch. It's fine, I tasted it myself" "Thanks Hanji, but I just want to sleep" "I've got to stay until that shorty gets out the shower. Now he's awake, Erwin will want to talk with him" "Then can you take him up to see him?" "You know I can't" "Then you can wait while I nap. I don't even care anymore" "If you didn't care, you wouldn't be like this. Once we find proof it was Zeke, we can clear your name" "How? By announcing that there's life beyond the walls? And that they're all monsters like me?" "Hey, just because you're upset, doesn't mean you can give up. We haven't given up on you, so don't give up on us" "Thanks Hanji... I still think I want to sleep. I don't feel that great" "Alright. And don't forget to watch for bleeds or fluid loss" "I know. And to monitor the baby's movements" "It was dangerous to move you from the house as it was" "I know. Just ignore me" "I would never ignore you" Eren let Hanji help him lay down, the women fussing with the pillows for him. Drawing back, Levi stepped under the shower. Angered over what he'd heard. He didn't know the full story, but his mind was more than happy to fill in the blanks. This pregnancy had been one drama after another. How could Eren possibly want to have another baby, when he wanted to run away as it was. He'd just been lectured over hiding things, now Eren was doing the same thing! The shower helped bring his temper back under control. Dressed in just the towel around his waist, he stepped out into the bedroom "Do you need something, Shitty Glasses?" "Only to check on my favourite patient" "Eren's sleeping" "I know he is. But you're not! How are you feeling? And be honest. Eren's had a rough time over all of this" "Eren's had a rough time?" He didn't mean to sound so bitter. He was supposed to be playing it cool "He had a little bit of a bleed. He fainted from everything, and moving him was a bit too stressful. He's alright. He woke up as soon as he hit the ground. The first thing he did was ask me to make sure you were alright, and then he bossed Mike into bringing you up here, instead of the infirmary in case you got violent" "And when was he going to tell me all of this?" "You two are really hopeless. You both used to be so good at talking. Now you're both scared of hurting each other and you're both getting mad at each other. Do you know what he said? He said he didn't know who he was anymore and that he was nothing without you" "He's much more than nothing" "Then talk to him" "And what do I tell him?" "I don't know" "Well I don't know either" Caught up in talking to Hanji, Levi barely dodged the pillow hurled at him "You tell me when you're hurt! And you tell Hanji!" Hanji bit back her smile "You didn't tell me you had a bleed!" "Because I'm mad at you! It doesn't feel great, does it?! I'm also the reason you nearly fucking died!" "No. You're psychotic piece of shit brother is!" "He was after me. Me, who you were stuck with!" "I wasn't stuck! I could have left you there!" "Then why didn't you? I've been sick. I've been useless!" "You were doing so much better! Until all this shit happened! You just don't believe in yourself anymore!" "How can I?!" "Easily! You're still the same shitty brat I fell in love with!" "I don't feel like it! I feel like I'm draining the life out of you!" "You're not! I'm sick of hearing that! I wouldn't have asked you to marry me if I thought that!" "Then why didn't you talk to Hanji!" "Because... because... fuck. Shit. It's embarrassing. I keep saying I'll protect you, but I never protect you when it really counts!" "You protect me from myself! You guide me through my stupid panic attacks. You look after me and your baby! You put up with my shit and you make all this shit I can't forget bareable! I'm sick of relying on you, but you're the only one I can. You're the only one who knows..." Levi blinked. He hadn't thought of it like that. Eren had a shit ton of fears and triggers they'd had to navigate through together. But he had been helping... even when he felt useless and didn't even realise it. He'd just don't what had felt natural... so he wasn't the arsehole he thought he was? "You protected me from me. You protected our baby from me..." "If you can yell at each other, you can talk. I'll wait a few hours before letting Erwin know you're awake. And congratulations on your engagement" "Not a word" "Awww. You know we have to have a party" "We can have a party once this mess passes" "I'll hold you to it. Eren, let me know if anything changes. Or let Levi know..." "I hate you both" "We know" Leaving them alone, Levi skipped getting dressed, in favour of climbing into bed next to Eren. His fiancé had his face hidden in his pillow "I'm sorry I fucked up" "No. It's my fault. I hid things from you because I didn't want you to worry, then got mad when you did the same thing" "That must mean we're pathetically in love if we care about each other's feelings and shit" "I love you. And honestly, I'm really over being pregnant. I want the baby, but I'm exhausted. My body is exhausted. I feel like I'm trapped inside myself" "I can't say I understand, but I get it. I don't like seeing you looking so tired and sick" "I just want to give birth in peace. I don't feel like I can do that here" "I wouldn't have brought you back here, if it wasn't for the fact you need the medical care. It's more than I can provide alone" "You didn't bring me back. The others did" "Did they say anything?" "After you collapsed, no one dared to" "I thought I could make it to the castle" "You shouldn't have tried. It took Hanji an hour to patch you up, and to get all the stuff out. An hour and it would have meant you wouldn't have been unconscious for three days" "What about you? What about the bleed?" "It was mostly slick, but with blood, it looked way worse. I don't know how this baby is still in here" "Somedays, I don't know either" "Levi, what are going to do. It had to have been Zeke, right? The outside world is finally turning against us..." "I don't know. I'll have to talk to with Erwin about the attack" "I don't think he believes me. The fact that I'm the only one who talked to Zeke, doesn't really mean much" "Mike caught those strange scents. And your notes were stolen" "They... I was writing to our baby. In case something happened to me. I wanted it to know how much I love them. And, I wrote a list about everything I could remember that the Government did to me. I wanted to process and when the time came, I thought it might help Hanji with her research" "You're always thinking, aren't you?" "Sometimes I wonder if I'm still chained down there. If this is all a dream, and that I'm dreaming about the wolves because I want someone to save me" "You're not down there..." "I know. But we both know how fucked up our minds can be" "That's true" "Levi... I'm, um, I'm sorry. I'm happy we could talk and I don't hate you" "Maybe we wouldn't have stressed each other out so badly, if we'd talked sooner" "Did my emotionally constipated fiancé just admit we need to talk about feelings more?" "Maybe. Don't tell anyone" "Given that the sentence didn't even have "shit" in it, there's no way they'd believe me. I actually miss your crappy jokes" "I'll up my game" "Good" "For now, do you want to cuddle?" "I'd love that. There's so many scents here. It's sent my senses into overdrive" "I'm sorry you had to face it all alone" "I'm calling do-over on this last like week or whatever" "We can't do-over a week" "Whatever. It was stress or something. We're better than this, right?" Freeing himself of the towel, Levi held his arms open for Eren to wriggle into. His fiancé immediately curling to him and nuzzling into his chest. It was tender, but holding Eren was worth it "Yeah, we are"

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dammitadolfnomorecake · 6 years ago

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Echauyed (exhausted) but doing the thing SCSI

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dammitadolfnomorecake · 7 years ago

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Left in peace, Eren was happy to pass out. Hanji had examined him, before feeding him so much that he didn't know if his belly ached because of the baby or the sheer amount of food he'd consumed, and though he partly regretted yelling at Erwin, he kind of didn't as well. If it got Levi and Erwin to stop fighting because of him, he didn't mind getting in a little trouble. Given a light sedative, the teen slept well into the night, his stomach still tender but not so bad when he was woken by Levi. His boyfriend climbing into Hanji tent, before gently waking him. His nose still looked swollen, but it wasn't as bad as he'd expected. Not with the crack it'd given. Yawning, Eren offered an almost shy smile

"Hey"

"Hey. How are you feeling?"

"I'm ok. It's nowhere near as bad as it was"

"Good"

"How's your nose?"

"It'll be fine, though I'm once again impressed by how hard headed you are"

"If you're being an arsehole, then it can't be that bad"

"Shitty brat"

"Yeah... is it safe to ask how things went with Erwin"

"I gave him a black eye"

"Levi!"

"It's fine. He was impressed you finally yelled at him"

"I don't know if I want him to be impressed"

"We talked. He's seen the error of his ways"

"Why do I feel like that's why he's got a black eye?"

"It doesn't matter now. Are you up to getting up and moving?"

"Depends on where we're going?"

"I thought you might want to check that basement out before everyone else got there"

"What about Mikasa? She forced them to wait"

"Your two little friends are waiting outside"

"And Erwin?"

"Will wait until you've been in"

Taking the hand Levi offered him, Eren leant in, stealing a quick kiss

"What did Hanji say about why I was sleeping?"

"Blood loss from yesterday. It was so hectic that no one would even think otherwise"

"Did you tell Erwin?"

"No. I think that's a conversation for another time"

"You're probably right... though he's going to get mad all over again"

"Don't worry. I'll tell him when the times right. For now, we should move"

Mikasa insisted on glaring at Levi, while Armin's hand kept brushing against his as they walked towards the remains of his childhood home. He was grateful to Levi for organising this without Erwin's presence, but wasn't completely sure he was mentally ready for whatever they were going to find. He kind of hoped his father was helping other supernaturals, because he "selfishly" wanted to know he wasn't the only one of his kind. If more shifters like him existed, the Government wouldn't be able to hide it. They'd be able to actually admit that they'd all seen some crazy shit in the course of their investigations. Levi wouldn't need to hide anymore. He wouldn't be tortured or treated like shit and their baby... their baby could lead a normal life without the fear of being killed. Squeezing Levi's hand, his boyfriend gave a firm squeeze back. As Armin's hand brushed his again, he grabbed it, his friend stumbling in shock, before smiling at him. It didn't matter if Erwin didn't consider Armin to be his family, he did and his friend deserved to be there.

Leading the group down to the cellar, Levi wore a perpetual scowl. The dust, damp, spiders and webs was probably all too much for clean loving mate. Reaching the door at the bottom of the curved staircase was semi-anticlimactic. The door was completely unremarkable, a basic wooden door with thick straps of iron to hold is shape, with a small lock on the outside

"Do you want me to break it down, or do you want to?"

"You're not breaking it down"

"Mikasa..."

"No. This was Grisha's room"

"Mikasa, dad's gone"

"You don't know that..."

"Then where has he been?! Where was he when mum was being eaten alive? Where was he when Armin's grandfather had to look after us?! He was a doctor! They would have listened to him, and we never would have had to lose him. He's gone. He abandoned us!"

"He..."

"He what? He what, Mikasa? It's been 7 years. If he was still alive, he would have found us by now. Levi, break it down"

"Stand back"

Booting the door, it took Levi several attempts for it to finally break... even with his boyfriend's strength. Shielding him from the falling dust, Eren kissed Levi's shoulder, getting a grunt of appreciation, before choking on the taste of dust

"We need to let it air. Eren, cover your mouth. I don't want you inhaling dust and mould"

"Too late. Maria, that stinks!"

"Shitty brat, you know better than that"

"Don't blame me. You're the one who wanted to come down here"

"Because I know it's what you wanted"

"Maybe. But you could have waited a little longer. I don't know what's in there"

"This way you'll have time to process before you have to face everyone again"

"I hate when you get sensible"

"Then you should try to keep up"

Rolling his eyes, Eren pushed Levi away, moving to sit on the cold step beside Armin, who was looking everywhere but at him

"What's going on with you?"

"What! Me!? Nothing!"

Armin's voice was sky high as he waved his hands while he squeaked. Levi snorted, crossing his arms as he looked down at the pair of them

"Armin. That wasn't suspicious at all"

"It's just... Commander Erwin is

going to be so mad! We're sneaking around at night, and... he had to wait all day as it was"

"Don't worry about Shitty Eyebrows. He knows"

"Commander Erwin knows?"

"Armin, Levi already cleared it for us. So that we could learn the truth and have time to adjust, before he steps in. Whatever's inside there, it becomes his property once he gets in there. Even if there's nothing there, we'll still see that before him"

"Is it really ok to make him wait?"

"It's his form of an apology for being such a shitty arsehole to Eren. He admitted he was blinded by his need to know the truth. He's... he's had a rough past"

Mikasa huffed

"So does that mean anyone who's had a rough past can just take it out on Eren?"

"I didn't say that"

"But you're friends with him again, even after what Eren went through?!"

"Don't take that tone with me. Eren himself wanted Erwin and I to talk"

"Do you even care about him? You woke him up and dragged him down here. Isn't you who wants answers?"

"Of course I fucking care about him. Don't think for a single second that I don't"

"Then why are you such an arsehole to him. He should be resting"

Eren closed his eyes as he sighed. Taking a couple of deep breaths, he opened them slowly

"Mikasa. That's enough. I told Erwin and Levi to talk, and me being down here is for my own benefit. Levi brought us here so we could learn the truth"

"And what? What happens next?"

"Once we know what's going on, we can go from there. With just a small group, we can contain whatever information we find"

"Do you hear yourself right now? You don't even sound like... you"

"Guys. Can we not fight? Mikasa, you know Eren and Levi are in a relationship. They made this choice for themselves and I think it's been good for Eren"

"Armin..."

Looking to boyfriend, Eren sighed

"Do you think it's been long enough? I don't particularly want to get into another fight"

"It should be. The dust has settled"

"Then let's see what dad had to hide"

"Eren!"

"Mikasa. He left us and I want to know why. For now. That's the priority. You and Levi can talk it out once we're done here"

His boyfriend didn't look thrilled at the prospect, but shrugged it off as he casually turns towards the door. Pushing himself up, Eren paused. His heart was starting to race again over what could be waiting.

Covered in a thick layer of dust, his father's office smelt like him. Memories coming rushing back, as his anger started to rise. The man had left him. Had left him and his mum and Mikasa... and he hadn't even come back after his mum had died. He never really thought about how much that had fucking hurt. Maybe it was because he was soon going to be a parent himself that it felt like the wound had been torn open. He loved his baby, and he barely even knew it. He couldn't walk away from it, so how had his dad been able to? Rationally he knew it was more likely that his father had been killed, but he'd never heard anything about that being the case... and now it was entirely possible, he was going to find out things he never really wanted to know. Placing the lantern on a work bench, the whole room seemed to twist and warp in the shadows, but that may have been from his rising panic

"Well, Brat. He was your father"

"Umm... Levi, start on the filing cabinets. Armin, gather up any books or papers laying around. We won't touch the stuff on the walls yet. Mikasa and I will work on the desk... if he did hide something down here, it's probably really well hidden. Basements were supposed to be illegal anyway, so if there is something, he would have needed to protect it from anyone searching

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