#allie's diary

[scatteredraysofhope]

guys guys look a tiny whale I made out of clay :>

[scatteredraysofhope]

This is me but as an aroace person who has never know what romatic attraction feels like, trying to decipher wether what they feel is actually romantic crush or just alterious/aesthetic/sensual attraction

when i have a crush i dont kick my feet or twirl my hair instead i am in my kitchen at 3am pacing in circles with my hands clasped behind my back like a middle-aged divorced detective haunted by a cold case he just cant crack

[filmgifs]

THE PRINCESS DIARIES (2001) dir. Garry Marshall

[filmtvtoday]

THE PRINCESS DIARIES (2001) dir. Garry Marshall

[scatteredraysofhope]

I don't want to exist anymore. I just want to die or maybe just sleep forever. Why cant humans hibernate like brown bears? That would be nice.. i feel like after sleeping for so long i wouldnt even remember who i was and that sounds beautiful. I always feel like im the worst no matter how hard I try. whats the point in trying anymore? I know no matter how it goes i will only see the mistakes and then play it over and over and over and over again in my brain that just haunts me forever and ill just want a hole to open up in the ground so i can dissappear. I just hate existing and being constantly seen and perceived by people. I hate that my brain won't just shut up about the way people perceive me. Like I am fully aware that nobody care about me and everyones wrapped up in their own lives. But then why do I still feel so uncomfortable. Why do i hate existing so much im just so tired of my brain and the constant useless thoughts. I know im still on a low dose but i dont think the medication is working :( I guess it was just wishful thinking on my part... i was so hopefully it would work that every little thing that somehow went right i would be like yay my medication must be working but my brain as still just as scrambled as before ...I still feel awful all the time for no reason and I don't really think that will ever change. I'm stuck like this forever. It is a chronic mental illness after all. It's a disability for a reason and I don't know if I will ever be able to manage

I couldn't sleep the whole night before my presentation. My anxious brain just kept thinking thoughts and I couldn't sleep no matter how hard I tried. Then I ended up crying to my mom in the morning about how I can never seem to get anything done on time. She said I'll probably need therapy again. I'm honestly happy cause i hate to admit it but i think I do too.

Luckily i asked my teacher for extra time and he seemed to be understanding... I hope I do okay enough for this to not be another scaring memory of my education that will haunt me forever until I die

[dailyflicks]

THE PRINCESS DIARIES (2001) dir. Garry Marshall

[blackcrystalball]

If Beardsley is this season's Murph, then Rehka is this season's Beardsley.

[scatteredraysofhope]

A nice steam cleaning would be very nice.

honestly i dont need therapy i need a machine to go into my body and manually stretch all my muscles and crack all my joints and then i need the machine to go into my brain and deep clean it with soapy hot water

[scatteredraysofhope]

All the bracelets I've made recently~

[dailyflicks]

The Princess Diaries (2001) dir. Garry Marshall

[jaredsdiary]

yung chef. Allie Clarkson. LA 2019

instagram.com/jaredkocka

[scatteredraysofhope]

Omg I actually do this while staring out the window on the bus TT

underrated stim: mouthing along to the words of a song as if you are having an argument with someone. works very well with i will survive, for example

you gotta get into character with the facial expressions and hand gestures. my bedroom wall is sick of me. anyway.

[blackcrystalball]

While Liam is my favourite Beardsley character, Margaret is definitely their best one. She is so efficient, she got shit done, I'm on another rewatch of Starstruck and seeing Beardsley absolutely run shit hyped me up so much last year. Like I love Margaret so much, you guys don't even know.

[moipale]

"ART had an alternate, more drastic plan that included giving me sex-related parts, and I told it that was absolutely not an option." (Artificial Condition, pg. 50)

do you think ART did its crew members' bottom surgery

[porcelaintoybox23]

List of sapphic musicians that no one asked for:

Chapelle Roan

Rina Sawayama

Allie X

The Aces (sfw)

Jesse Detor

Mxmtoon

LP. (Please listen to lost on you & other people)

Nxdia

[sugarbear2001]

So I'm watching the Luffy and Usopp fight, and just the way that Sanji goes to bat for Usopp is so insane to me. He is so pissed that Usopp is leaving the crew that he lashes out and blames Zoro for Usopp getting beat up by the Franky family. He would take a bullet for that man.