#allie's diary

[arrayed-in-purple]

@mothercain that I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream reference legitimately shocked me and left me with mouth agape

[filmgifs]

THE PRINCESS DIARIES (2001) dir. Garry Marshall

[scatteredraysofhope]

I don't want to exist anymore. I just want to die or maybe just sleep forever. Why cant humans hibernate like brown bears? That would be nice.. i feel like after sleeping for so long i wouldnt even remember who i was and that sounds beautiful. I always feel like im the worst no matter how hard I try. whats the point in trying anymore? I know no matter how it goes i will only see the mistakes and then play it over and over and over and over again in my brain that just haunts me forever and ill just want a hole to open up in the ground so i can dissappear. I just hate existing and being constantly seen and perceived by people. I hate that my brain won't just shut up about the way people perceive me. Like I am fully aware that nobody care about me and everyones wrapped up in their own lives. But then why do I still feel so uncomfortable. Why do i hate existing so much im just so tired of my brain and the constant useless thoughts. I know im still on a low dose but i dont think the medication is working :( I guess it was just wishful thinking on my part... i was so hopefully it would work that every little thing that somehow went right i would be like yay my medication must be working but my brain as still just as scrambled as before ...I still feel awful all the time for no reason and I don't really think that will ever change. I'm stuck like this forever. It is a chronic mental illness after all. It's a disability for a reason and I don't know if I will ever be able to manage

I couldn't sleep the whole night before my presentation. My anxious brain just kept thinking thoughts and I couldn't sleep no matter how hard I tried. Then I ended up crying to my mom in the morning about how I can never seem to get anything done on time. She said I'll probably need therapy again. I'm honestly happy cause i hate to admit it but i think I do too.

Luckily i asked my teacher for extra time and he seemed to be understanding... I hope I do okay enough for this to not be another scaring memory of my education that will haunt me forever until I die

[filmtvtoday]

THE PRINCESS DIARIES (2001) dir. Garry Marshall

[dailyflicks]

THE PRINCESS DIARIES (2001) dir. Garry Marshall

[blackcrystalball]

I love that all of Beardsley's lesbians truly are the lynchpin of this quangle.

They truly carried this quangle on their back.

[scatteredraysofhope]

A nice steam cleaning would be very nice.

honestly i dont need therapy i need a machine to go into my body and manually stretch all my muscles and crack all my joints and then i need the machine to go into my brain and deep clean it with soapy hot water

[dirtbagdefender]

[scatteredraysofhope]

All the bracelets I've made recently~

[dailyflicks]

The Princess Diaries (2001) dir. Garry Marshall

[scatteredraysofhope]

Omg I actually do this while staring out the window on the bus TT

underrated stim: mouthing along to the words of a song as if you are having an argument with someone. works very well with i will survive, for example

you gotta get into character with the facial expressions and hand gestures. my bedroom wall is sick of me. anyway.

[jaredsdiary]

yung chef. Allie Clarkson. LA 2019

instagram.com/jaredkocka

[ninugh29]

I love reading 2000s/2010s niche YA books about teen girls in high school like it’s simply my favorite thing ever (Gallagher girls series by Ally Carter, Also Known As by Robin Benway, The Fixer by Jennifer Lynn Barnes). I’m currently reading All-American Girl by Meg Cabot and the only thing I hate about reading these books (besides the not-like-other-girls-ism and occasional misogyny that exposes them as very clearly a product of their time) is how little to non existent the fandoms for them are. Like, I get they’re aimed at younger people but I can’t be the only one reading them right now 😭.

(I also hate how when someone asks what I read and I say one of these I get made fun of? Like sorry we don’t all enjoy reading wuthering heights every second of the day and enjoy fun lighthearted literature every once in a while. Have you tried removing that stick from your ass and having fun?)

[blackcrystalball]

If Beardsley is this season's Murph, then Rehka is this season's Beardsley.

[dirtbagdefender]

[porcelaintoybox23]

List of sapphic musicians that no one asked for:

Chapell Roan

Rina Sawayama

Allie X

The Aces (sfw)

Jesse Detor

Mxmtoon

LP. (Please listen to lost on you & other people)

Nxdia