#all those years i made fun of my brother for playing roblox has come back full circle to bite me in the ass | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

fika-wika · 4 years ago

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👨‍👩‍👧‍👦A Parents Roll🏠🤔

My oh my I’m not a parent yet but I definitely got some inner standing to drop on this topic. The question that was asked is "Do we own our parents?". Tell me, Who's decision was it to have the baby? Who's decision was it to raise the baby?

If you ask me, kids Should not owe their parents anything unless they are 18 and asking for money..they better pay it back because that kid is old enough to get a job at this point, ill actually touch on that later. But first NO, if you have a child it is NOT their job to pay back everything you have/still do for them. YOU as the adult made the choice to bring them INTO the world (No that does not mean you have the right to take them out either😑 sorry life isn’t THAT fair) so you made it YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to nurture that child, to provide for them, to GUIDE them, to insure they're lives can be lived happier than the one you are currently living. That is not the burden, but the Blessing of being a parent. When you made the decision to push that baby out her tummy you made a pack to honor the blessing of making sure the next generation makes It, SELFLESSLY.

I’m also someone who doesn't believe it's our job to FORCE our opinions on our children as well. Yes discipline them right from wrong, but part of being understanding is knowing that they will grow into their own person, understand that who they become is a reflection of what YOU have shown them at an early age. How they act, how they respond is all apart of you as the parent and the environment you held them in. Learning to be UNDERSTANDING of our children as reflection of ourselves through the decisions we have or could have made will make such a big difference in your personal relationship with your child. Parents get into it with their children yes that’s normal with any kind of relationship at some point in time, but what I feel as parents we could do better is instead of getting so upset at them for something they are seemingly doing wrong or for the way the are choosing to respond to us. Why not first take a step back and handle the situation in a reflective way? Change your perspective and instead of asking them, FIRST ask yourself “where did this attitude of theirs come from? What initially sparked this emotional response in them? Can it be traced back to me or someone else in my family? How did it affect them and how do they handle this emotional response?” THEN decide how you move forward in responding to THEIR emotional response rather than expect them to understand and respond to yours first. I believe the best teacher for our children is to teach with our examples THEN our words, If they saw and we communicate how we reflected on an emotional response before choosing to act impulsively to someone else or their own responses, they would then learn that maybe that’s the right way to handle the situation first. Then maybe, just maybe we can result in talking about the issues and whats really causing them, before jumping to pulling out the belt and whooping some A--. But don’t get me wrong, sometimes that belt might be necessary, but necessary or not, the only thing that is 100% necessary, is learning/ teaching them how to reflect and communicate before resulting in an impulsive action, this will result in less mistakes made as they get older. I feel instead of expecting our children to understand us as people, first we should make it a priority to want to be apart of their personal lives and get to know them as a person and in doing so will they be more open to wanting to share and be closer with us as they see we wanted to with them from an early age. Its harder to do this as they get older if you haven’t done so at an early age, notice I didn’t say impossible. It will take more time through trial and error to adjust and transform any relationship that functions one way, into a newer, healthier way. This lessons actually works for even older people and the relationships we cultivate now even outside the home. To get to know someone the best way to proceed is by first opening yourself up to them and showing them who you are first. Then they are more willing and trusting of sooner or later sharing themselves with you.

I herd a mentor of mine I like to listen to named HINDZ, you can check out his podcast on youtube and spotify but he talked about how we can't fully control what our kids choose to indulge their time into forever, especially as they get older. Like you can't keep them away from technology, it's everywhere these days. So instead of trying to ban it from their lives which could result in even more rebellion growing up as we shouldn’t keep trying to put walls in front of them, why not give them that freedom to explore and be curious? Why not teach them how to use it in a responsible and disciplined way that can add value to their time while on it? Another thing he talked about was if my daughter is playing roblox on her tablet, I feel as a parent it would be smarter to go to her and ask about what's she's playing and take the initiative to join her world rather than trying to get her to fully understand mine right now. The result? She will come to me about how she's doing this and that in her game with joy and It'll make her as a child more open in WANTING to engage and share with her parents what it is she does on her devices, rather than hide it away as if I'm not interested in being apart of her world or that I'm unable to understand it. When as parents, we should want to be apart of their world, their growth. I myself have found this especially true as well just from watching my younger brother. He’s 7 now and every time I go over to visit my family he’s so quick to ask me if I wanna play some game with him, or watch some show with him and that’s because I always do my best to show him that I am interested in his world and what makes his life enjoyable right now. I’m sure yes the whole being stuck in home all day also plays a part because he doesn’t get to go out and make friends anymore like before, but that just makes it ALL the more important we be willing to give our children the sense of friendship and common interests. No need to fill him in on my life unless he asks of course, I’m an adult and he doesn’t really care to understand that stuff right now not fully anyway, as he shouldn’t. He should enjoy his simple life as a kid for now and enjoy the fun that life has to offer him. I hope he always holds onto that childlike joy of his even as he gets older. I know he brings it out of me all the time and I enjoy that very much. I take that kinda joy with me everywhere afterwards, that fun innocent childlike joy is what keeps the hope and joy alive in us all. I understand doing the work of taking the initiative anyway you can to be apart of your children's world isn’t always easy for some parents but it’s never impossible and I’m a firm believer that if you really truly wanted to do something, you’d find a way no matter how small it might be, that small gesture could make such a huge impact on the life of the person you’re aiming it towards especially your child. Taking that extra initiative is not only a form of appreciation for your child, but its the highest form of love you can give them willingly and authentically. Because everything else you do for your child, is mandatory and is what you owe to them for bringing them into this world, but showing them that love isn’t something we have to do, but something we are given a choice to and absolutely SHOULD do if we want to have beautiful, healthy and open readerships with our kids as they get older.

Speaking of older, lets trace our steps back to what I said in the beginning. Because lets be honest, vice versa is also very much true, as your children get older and are more cognitive and aware and are stepping into their own being in this world getting ready to go make their own mark on it, its not so much that they don’t owe you but its more like they are in less NEED of you. I mean yes you're always technically gonna needed you family but need more in the sense that they are needed for that emotional comfort and family reassurance and less in the monetary way you always relied on them growing up. And that’s something children should grow up learning to understand, that yes as they get older they will need less and less from their parents till the day they can officially walk on their own two feet in the big world. At that point it is no longer the parents obligation to support you. Emotionally, yes they should, monetarily no they should’t have to. That’s your job now as an adult in the world to be able to provide and make those decisions for yourself and take the actions for your own now. Yes your family is always there for a second input but it is ultimately your choice as an adult to make them for yourself. And the parents job at this point is to LET you make them When you are at that age. No I don’t even want to put an age on it because I firmly believe sometimes your age should not determine how aware and reflective you are and capable you are as a person to be ready to step out and make your own decisive decisions. Especially these days some kids grow up really fast and CAN make it out there, where as some stay in the nest longer than others because they DO need that extra time to feel ready and prepared. But at some point in time we will have to step out our comfort zones and grow up, one way or another life will push you in that direction.

So this was just my own insight into this matter, I’m sure its stuff a lot of you already knew or thought about but I feel its always good to reiterate things in case someone needs to hear it today. And I do hope I was able to offer a new perspective or way of looking at a situation in your own lives and this is of some help to anyone. Maybe share this with that one family member that needs to hear it from a 21 year old who doesn’t even have kids of his own yet haha but ill tell you what. I cant wait to have some of my own. So I can watch them grow into their own warped versions of me and fill them will all the love and joy life has to offer and be able to guide them through the lows they will experience. And I don’t care what anyone says, yes I can wait but I personally got baby fever over here and want a mini TreTre...when it happens it happens 🤷🏽‍♂️ lol thats just my personal opinion. Ill be joyous either way, I look forward to such blessings. Tune in for the next post and thanks for reading all the way through I truly Love all of my readers ya’ll are amazing, I’m sure this is a lot to read and I value the time you all took to read my words. Keep loving n stay blessed.

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