#all this bad blood here // won’t you let it dry {kylo ren}

[hopetwin]

;; this had to be made 

     Twins always have a rather special connection

[nico-twix]

the prisoner of my enemy is my prisoner

Hey guys, sorry if this ain't your thing, but in honour of star wars day, I decided to post a little blurb of a fanfic I've been writing!

Kylo Ren x Reader

Words: 1.5K

Tags: second-person "You", no (y/n), force choking, mind invasion, blasters, mechanic reader, a poor attempt at humour, slow burn

When the First Order raid a Resistance Base, the last thing they expect is to imprison their prisoners, but as will become common, Commander Ren makes an exception for you.

May the Fourth be with You!

“Wake up, prisoner.” Cool blaster metal digs into your arm as you are gracefully awoken.

You would be lying if you said this was the first time you have been captured, but this has been by far the worst treatment.

You’re not quite sitting or standing, and as far as you can feel—because you certainly can’t move your head to look down— you are bolted to this “seat” of kings. What you can see: grey wall, white trooper, and emo creep in the corner.

They excuse the trooper and stand in front of you. Their black helmet softly reflects a red light that is outside your vision.

“You were a prisoner of the Resistance.” Their, his, voice is modulated, but you can still pick up his annoyance. Short. Clipped.

“I’m well aware of that, bud.”

His mask diffuses what you could only guess to be a growl into static. Scary man did not like that answer. “You are now a prisoner of the First Order.”

Ah fuck. If it were possible, you would have stiffened in your binds. You have heard of the First Order—everyone has. But you knew them as the largest arms purchaser in the galaxy and had no clue who, what, or why they are how they are.

He steps even closer to you; his helmet is obscuring all of the grey walls in your vision. “The resistance wanted you enough to keep you alive. Why?”

Barely alive. Their prisoner for 100 days and all I got as food were some dry-ass crackers. “Look, bud, if I knew I would tell you.” You attempt to shrug your shoulders, but all it does is bring a dull ache.

“No, not bud.” This close, the helmet voice sounds scarier, deeper, more alive. The hairs on your arm start to tingle like they are static.

“Not bud, read you loud and clear, pal.” As soon as the word leaves your mouth, he’s got his hand around your neck.

“If I didn’t need you alive to invade your mind, I would have killed you by now.” He places a finger on your forehead as he tightens his hold further and your eyes roll back into your head. Your brain feels like it’s getting pushed out of your nose and chopped open like a Koja nut simultaneously. Your lungs burn and you are powerless to stop him. If only I had a choking kink to make this somewhat enjoyable.

Images of your life flash past, leaving you little time to process what’s going on. Finally, you see your time with the Resistance. All 100 days, although each was the same. Your guard telling you to build it. You don’t know how. You don’t even know what it’s for. The visions stop. He seems to find what he is looking for at that moment as he lets you go. You’re inhaling air faster than a vacuum cleaner as blood rushes throughout your body, black dots dancing in your vision, pounding headache wrecking your brain.

He calls the stormtrooper back in. “You can move her to a lower security cell,” he turns to look at you, “she really does know nothing. Resistance Scum.” Even against the modulation, you can hear his leering sneer. What an ass.

The trooper releases your head bindings and you can only see your interro(r)gator’s backside. What an ass.

The new cell is much better in that you have full motor control, but the good things stop there. They sure went over budget on decorating. The whole thing is painted in the same soul-sucking grey colour as before and there wasn’t even a window. I thought I booked a room with a view. All that was in there with you was a mat for sleeping and an air vent on the floor that was pumping in only what you could assume was unfiltered space vacuum it was so cold. Maker, I know I complained about the Resistance prison, but this is bad.

If you had to stay in this cell for another day, you were going to commit homicide. This leaves two options: either one, escape, or two, hope that the next trooper that walks in here has a nicely written will. One seems easier. How hard could escaping be?

Apparently very hard. You have been going at this for hours. But try as you may, your arms will never magically extend far enough through the cell bars to grab the keys off of the guard. Which leaves the vent. Vents are nice, but not the safest thing in the world. For all you know, this could lead you out into space or through fan blades or to the trash receptacle. But fuck it, Maker damn you if ever saw your “pal” again.

The vent luckily had no screws, and with just a light tug, the door flipped open unveiling a straight shot down. How far down? Who knows, not you! So, with one last look at the guard, you slid to your freedom.

You couldn’t have been sliding for more than twenty feet when you collided with more metal venting. You landed as lightly as an elephant and your ankles burned with shooting pain. You got to down to your hands and knees to falter through the next set of passageways, eclipsed in darkness and dust. Every so often, you would come across another vent opening and you would peak to observe where you were. You have passed by three trooper quarters and figured you were in their wing of the ship. Meaning that their armoury should be nearby. The plan from here on out should be simple.

Step 1: Get to the armoury

It took what seemed to be two hours to finally find the armoury and it certainly didn’t help that you got lost. Twice. You wondered how long you still have before your “pal” realizes you’ve escaped. Based on prior experience, prisoners generally get checked on every six hours, so you should still be safe. You pop open the vent door below you and fall on your ass into the armoury.

Step 2: Steal some of that zesty trooper armour.

The armoury in the dark was creepy. Every couple of steps, you would feel a solid limb of their armour smack against your legs or shoulders. Your hair even got caught in one of their belts. None of them seemed to be in your size. What am I, in the Men’s section? You duck behind a container of spare helmets as you hear the familiar schwoop of blast doors.

“Poor bastard didn’t deserve that though.” Various clicks and hisses went through the air as two troopers stripped off their armour.

“None of us do. He’s lucky he only broke his leg, gets a free trip to the med bay.” The light streaming in from the open door allowed you to see them discard their armour pieces under a “repairs” sign.

“He better not take the last blue lollipop; I’ve been eyeing it.” They both chuckled at that, grabbed new armour, and left.

You let out the breath you were holding in. You weren’t spotted, everything will be okay. You try to remember the layout from earlier and make your way over to where the broken armour was dumped. One of the troopers looked your size, so you borrow it and hope they won’t miss it terribly.

Step 3: Find their weapons stash. Walk around like a headless chicken looking for their weapons stash.

Every good escape needs good weapons. And this will be a damn good escape. It would be if you could find the weapons. I feel like I’ve seen that door before. You probably have. You’re just following the gaggle of troopers in front of you, hoping this won’t look suspicious. It definitely did. If the clocks on the walls were anything to go by, it has been around 4 hours since you escaped, meaning that you have been lost on this ship for at least an hour and a half. 1000 rooms on the Starkiller base, 1000 rooms on Starkiller. Enter one, I am so done, 999 rooms on the Starkiller base. Your slightly too large armour makes awful clicks and you pray to Maker that your hell would end soon. And then, almost as if Maker heard your pleas, you found the room you were looking for.

Step 4: Escape!

The weapons room was more like a weapons sanctuary. All along the walls, beautiful blasters polished to perfection, and yet they had some of the worst specs you’ve ever seen. This is outrageous! They expect me to escape with a blaster pistol? It’s not even modded.

What used to look divine, now just looks pathetic. You huff, having taken offence at their poor supply, and “borrow” a couple of weapons from the shelves, a repeater here, a stun baton there, and a trusty set of standard-issue repair tools. With precision unmatched by even the finest droids, you get to work, soldering and welding, stripping and joining, and hoping and praying that what you have only tested out in dreams would work.

And you might have been able to test it, had the blast doors stayed shut.

Step 4b: do not get caught. It’s a little late for that

“Trooper, report.”

Please let me know what you think and if there are any mistakes! This blurb is available on AO3 if you want to subscribe for more updates!

[sithsecrets]

Heyyy. Could you write something about how Kylo's partner/wife is taken hostage by Leah, while she is pregnant with his child? 👀

The Resistance’s ambush was swift and almost masterfulin design.

You hadn’t sensed any danger, had not even thesmallest inclination that the stormtroopers around you weren’t true members ofthe Order. You had almost laughed when they turned their blasters on you,barking for you to do as they said, because really, what sort of joke was this?But then one of the troopers took off his helmet, and your mouth went dry atthe sight of the Resistance pilot, Poe or whatever his name is, glaring at youwith so much malice in his eyes. In that moment, as you looked into theblackness of his gaze, took in the cruel twist of his mouth, you were sure youwere dead.

Mercifully, none of them shot you.

Now, after being hauled onto a Resistance vessel anddragged into some sort of base, you’re sitting in a makeshift prison cell.You’ve been guarded twenty-four-seven since you were thrown in here, and youthink that it’s been a day, maybe a day and a half since you were kidnapped. Noone will tell you anything, not even what day it is or why you’re being held.Well, all right—it’s not hard to figure out why you’re here as a prisoner,given the fact that you’re the Supreme Leader’s wife. But on one will tell youwhat’s going on specifically, won’t even hint at what’s to become of you. Theamount of hatred these people have for you is immense, and while you understandtheir derision, you’re frightened that they’ll show you no mercy…

Even if you are pregnant.

You aren’t very far along yet, aren’t really showingtoo much, but anybody who bothered to pay attention could guess at yourcondition. Not many people knew on the base, save for Kylo and a few closefriends, of course, but there was no hiding it from your captors. As soon asyou threw up upon waking this morning, the woman guarding you knew at once thatyou’re carrying a child in your womb. She had helped you clean up the mess, andshe was nicer to you after that, but you still feared how she would use thisinformation against you.

That guard is gone now, replaced by another Resistancefighter who looks at you with unbridled hatred, just like all the others.

“Word is you’re pregnant,” he says to you, and youdon’t like his tone. You curl in on yourself a bit, drawing your legs up nearyour chest where you sit on the ground.

“Yes,” you affirm. “Kylo Ren is the father.”

You know that he knows this already, but you don’tthink it’s a bad idea to remind these people exactly what they’re doing here.They’ve kidnapped Kylo Ren’s wife, the Empress of the First Order.You’re pregnant with the Supreme Leaders first and only child. Surely,they must know how foolish it is to keep you captive, they must know what kindof danger this is putting them in. If they’re smart, they’ll let you go andflee from this place. Maybe that could keep them from being slaughtered likelivestock, but as it stands now, if Kylo finds you incarcerated like this, sittingon the floor of a cold, dark room, he’s going to murder all of these peoplewithout hesitation.

“Yeah, no shit,” the guard says to you, and then asmug smile is spreading across his mouth. “What are you, one of his whores? Howmany little bastards has he fathered, anyway?”

“I am Kylo’s wife,” you spit, clutching at yourstomach, “and this is his only child. He doesn’t have whores, neverhas.”

The man just laughs. “Yeah, sure, whatever makes youfeel better.”

If you weren’t so afraid of being harmed, of the babybeing harmed, then you would reach through the bars of your cell and try yourdamdest to claw this man’s eyes out. How dare he profess to know Kylo, to knowwho he takes to bed with him? None of these Resistance scum know a damn thingabout your husband, or you, or your child.

“He’s going to come for me, you know,” you declare,looking at the guard with a blank, resigned sort of expression. “You’re allfools for doing this to me. All of you will die slowly and painfully, and itwill be because of your own arrogance.”

This man mocks you now. “If your precious Kylowas going to come save you, why isn’t he here yet? It’s been day already. Whereis he?”

“He’s coming,” you insist, narrowing your eyes as yourise to your feet. “He’s coming, and he’s going to cut your throat, and I’mgoing to smile while you die.”

This finally gets the guard out of his chair, and youdon’t flinch as he begins to walk towards your cell.

“Oh yeah?” He’s taunting you, he’s angry now. “Youhave to be alive to-“

“Henry.”

For the first time, you notice someone in the doorway,a new presence in the room. It’s a woman, sort of on the older side, withgraying hair and soft brown eyes. She’s dressed in fine clothes, hair combedand styled neatly. Rings glitter on her fingers, stones glint in her ears.

General Leia Organa. Kylo’s mother.

“What is going on in here?” she asks, looking betweenboth you and Henry, the guard.

“This bitch told me that she’s going to have my throatcut.” And he sounds so ridiculous, like a child tattling on his sibling.

“I cannot wait to watch your blood pool around yourbody,” you press, not caring if you’re talking over this cretin. You cannot believehe has the audacity to speak to you this way, enemy or not, and you wantnothing more than to wring his neck.

“Say some shit like that one more time, bitch,” Henryspits, daring you, turning towards your cell with what might be a trueintention to harm you this time. You don’t even flinch, don’t even move to stepback. He doesn’t have the balls, and you know it.

General Organa yanks Henry back, jerks him to the sideand out the door before he can so much as get near you, and you’re impressedwith her strength. “Get out of here, Henry,” she says, so calm that it’s almostunsettling. She slams the door shut behind the brute, sighing and shaking her headthe way a frustrated mother would as she handles a screaming toddler.

“I have no idea why they even let him down here,” GeneralOrgana tells you, coming to stand in front of your cell herself now. If one of youwere to reach through the bars, the two of you could touch each other at thisdistance.

It’s so strange, to look at the woman before you andsee hints of your husband in her face. They have the same cheekbones, you think,the same brown eyes. Their coloring is similar too, yes, and you find yourself wonderingif she gets freckles on her shoulders the way Kylo does after he’s been out inthe sun.

“Are you really pregnant?” General Organa asks you,and you deign to think that there’s something hopeful in her eyes as she says this.You don’t let your yourself relax, refuse to believe that she’s genuinely interestedin her grandchild after she cast her own baby off so easily. She’s toying withyou, trying to get you to trust her— you’re sure of it.

“Yes,” you say curtly, laying your hands on the itty-bittyswell in your stomach. General Organa’s eyes cut down to your hands, and thenshe really is reaching through the bars, reaching out to touch your belly.

“Don’t touch me,” you command icily, taking a stepback into the shadows of your cell. General Organa withdraws her hand, clenchingand unclenching it before she lets it fall to her side.

“Forgive me,” she says softly, and for the first time,you get the sense that some of the emotion in her eyes may be genuine. “Do you knowif it’s a boy or a girl?”

“Too early to tell,” you reply, guarded. Still, it’sthe truth. You’re supposed to find out the sex in a couple of weeks, and your heartaches as you have a fleeting memory of Kylo whispering about how excited he isfor the appointment not too many nights ago.

General Organa nods, not saying anything else now. Youlook at her, at this leader before you, and you decide that it’s time to cutthe emotional crap.

“You need to let me go, you know,” you tell the general,speaking to her now as a diplomat more than anything else. “Kylo’s going tocome for me soon, and he’s going to annihilate all of you if you still have meheld prisoner when he gets here. He may do that anyway, regardless.”

“I know that,” General Organa sighs, moving across thesmall room to sit in the chair that’s been left out for your various guards. “I’llbe honest with you, sweetheart. I didn’t authorize your capture. My second andcommand, Poe Dameron, acted alone on that one. It’s one of the most foolishthings he’s ever done, and that’s truly saying something if you know anythingabout him.”

It’s strange, how General Organa is seemingly putting downher second in command for his actions while also looking rather fond of him,but you can understand it in a way. The general’s eyes settle on you, and thelook in them tells you that she’s not fucking around. “If I let you go, willyou promise to keep my son from hurting anyone here?”

“Are you serious?”

You know you shouldn’t be acting ungrateful, butreally, is she serious?

“As serious as can be.” General Organa settles back inher chair, waiting for you response.

“Why do you trust me?” you ask, narrowing her eyes.She’s no fool and you know it; no one gets as far as General Organa has doingthe things she does by being an idiot.

“I don’t,” she replies simply, shrugging, “but you don’tknow where you are, you don’t know how many members of the Resistance are stationedat this location, and no real harm as come to you since my people took you intocustody. I know the dangers of having you. I know my son.” Her voice shifts,becomes a little less blasé. “You’re pregnant with his child, and you need tobe with him. This is no place for someone in your condition.”

Everything General Organa’s said is the truth, and youknow it. You don’t know where you are, don’t even know the name of acity or planet or a system near this place, and you haven’t been hurt, not evenwhen you were taken into custody. And Kylo’s mother is right— you need to bewith him during this pregnancy. You can’t spend the next six months in a cell,can’t give birth on this dirt floor attended by people who hate you.

“I can’t control him, not when he’s in a frenzy like I’msure he is right now,” you concede, looking at General Organa with keen eyes. “He’san animal when he’s angry, insatiable. I don’t know where I am, and I wouldn’teven know what to tell him, but if he figures it out and comes here himself,there’s no way for me to stop him.”

General Organa nods solemnly. “I can accept that.”

---

An escape pod dumps you at a nearby Order outpost justafter dark. Stormtroopers surround your vessel at first, blasters drawn, but whenthey see that it’s you, that it’s the empress, they fly into a tizzy. Aseveryone around you shouts for medics, shouts for someone to contact the SupremeLeader, you amble inside the Order’s command building, calm and collected ascan be.

Kylo is on the planet within the next three hours. Hecomes inside to you bloody and filthy, obviously fresh from a fight. Rage burnsin his eyes, hotter and more an intense than you’ve ever seen it before, and theenergy crackling all around him is enough to make you take a step back when he entersthe room.

He speaks of carnage, of murder and violence and somuch death to come. He promises you that anyone who had a hand in your capturewill die slowly and painfully so that everyone who witnesses the slaughter willknow better than to come after you again.

“I’m safe, darling,” you tell him, because you are. “I’msafe, and it doesn’t matter. You will beat the Resistance in the near future, I’msure of it. Don’t play into them, don’t let them rile you up. It’s exactly whatthey want from you.”

You still tell him everything, though, because of courseyou do. You tell him about Poe Dameron, and General Organa, and how she let yougo. You tell him that it’s unnecessary for him to funnel his time and energy intomurdering the idiots who kidnapped you, not when there’s more important thingsto be done back home.

“But they took you,” Kylo spits, holding yourface in his hands so gently. “They took you, and locked you up, and acted as ifI view you as some common concubine. They must die, all of them!”

It’s your turn to caress Kylo’s face, no matter howfilthy he is. It soothes him, it always soothes him. “Yes, and they will. Butnot tonight.”

Kylo is undeterred, absolutely blinded by his need toexact revenge. He’s always been so protective of you, always slaughtered your enemieswithout question, and you can tell that your restraint frustrates him now. “Mylove, they must pay—“

“And you must stay alive for me, for our child,Kylo. Please,” you beg, gripping him harder now. You force Kylo to look at you,force him to see the look in your eyes.“There are other ways to win.”

The one good thing about being incarcerated is that itgives you time to think.

Kylo lets go of you, looking you up and down for amoment. “What did you have in mind?”

[goshwrites]

Yandere! Ben Solo Blurb 1/?

 Summary: You’re captured and detained in a First Order ship. You’re trying to be strong in the midst of this fearful situation while also being worried about your best friend, Poe. And on top of that, you can’t shake off this connected feeling with your abductor- Kylo Ren

Word count: 1.5K 

warnings: some descriptions of pain

A/N: hello! this is one of my first little blurbs here that I just wanted to write down. it has a little bit of a soulmate vibe in it which I always stored away in my head as a future fic idea. anyway- I hope you enjoy it and if you want a part two please spread it around. and if you want to be one of the first in my taglist just shoot me a message!

  Sweat trickled down your forehead as you sat in the metal (and quite uncomfortable) chair. An hour- two tops- ago you had been on a mission with your best friend and partner-in-crime, Poe. Now you were captured and stuck in a cell of a First Order ship. You exhaled as your eyes stared up at the ceiling. The waiting was keeping your nerves on constant edge. You had passed through the interrogation with flying colors. You hadn't cracked under their techniques. You had shown them just what kind of people the Resistance was made of. But inside- you were terrified. They had left with the promise of bringing something that would work. That would crack you. Break you. The ache in your side was enough evidence that they weren't afraid to get physical. How physical exactly? That.... you had no desire to know just how much.    And as your thoughts continued to spiral downwards into the worst possible incomes- you felt it. The slight tug at the corners of your mind that made your eyes shift to the closed doorway. Someone was coming. You always had the knack of being able to tell when someone was sneaking up on you. This saved you many times from being scared by Poe or being ambushed by enemy forces. Now- now you were cursing your ability as it was only serving your growing anxiety. Your heart was beating in your ears as your eyes focused on the door. Any moment now, that something was going to walk in the door. And then you- no. You needed to collect yourself.    The tugging started to intensify as you shifted in the uncomfortable chair. You closed your eyes as you tried to calm yourself. You were going to be fine. Just fine. You had to be fine.     But at the sound of the door creaking open- your eyes shot open. Your heart felt like it was going to explode out of your chest as you looked at the doorway. There standing in the doorway, was a man- or well you presumed a man- draped in all black. You rested your sweating palms against the restraints. At first you thought you couldn't see his face because of the poor lighting, but as he slowly moved from the doorway, you realized it was because of the mask he wore. Then a sudden jolt of recognition fled through your mind. The village. This man was at the village. He was the one who... oh God. You knew exactly who this man is. The calmness you had been feeling was fleeing from your mind as you struggled not to visibly panic.     How were you suppose to fight against him? You saw the way he stopped the blaster from Poe's gun. The way he commanded his army. And how he slaughtered the entire village. What were you suppose to do against him? What could you do against him?  "You're the other Resistance fighter, huh?" His deep, and robotic voice rang out making you nearly jump. His head tilted down and back up. Did he... just look you up and down?    You swallowed uncomfortably as you kept your gaze focused on him. His feet carried him closer to you. His steps were deliberate and rang through the quiet and stuffy room. Your tongue was starting to feel dry as you shifted.  "He put up a fight- and so did you." He stated to you. Even though you couldn't physically see his eyes, you felt like he was staring into your thoughts. "But..." his words trailed off. Your heart was beating in your ears. But what? "He didn't do too well against me."    You swallowed as you shifted in your seat and looked to the wall. You closed your eyes as you tried not to let your thoughts swarm. Poe. What had he done to him? Then this... feeling came over you. It started at your ears in a tingly sensation and traveled further in. Your eyebrows furrowed as you shook your head. What.... what is this? It didn't itch. But it was tingling. But then the tingling started to intensify. It felt like it was burning. A shaky gasp left your mouth. Your eyes snapped back to the man as you saw his gloved hand was stretched out. Your eyes watered as the burning continued. What- what was happening?     Then all of a sudden- it clicked. This was the something. He was trying to get in your head. See the answers for himself. Instead of asking the questions, he was just going to yank the answers out. And you were having none of that.     Your eyes closed as you struggled from keeping your head from hitting the back of the chair. No. You... you can't let him win. Let him get the answers. You felt your recent memories trying to be brought up. The way Poe's hand felt on your arm as he told you to get out of here with his- you jerked your head to the side.  "No." Your voice spilled out as you forced yourself not to think of what he was searching of. Not letting yourself picture it. The burning seemed to be spreading throughout your entire head. It was aching. You felt snot starting to come out of your nose as you looked back at the silent man. "I... won't- you're not getting it." You whispered at him. You felt like you were going to pass out. But if you did, he would be able to search your memories that much quicker.    But to your surprise- his hand snapped back from yours. Your breath came out in relieved and blunt gasps as you felt your vision swarming. Another sound accompanied your beating heart and your flushed breathing. It took you a few seconds to realize... he was panting as well. Your sweaty eyebrows furrowed confused as he moved back from you. What- what.... why did he stop? His gloved hands reached up and for a second you thought he was going to just began again. But when they settled on the side of his neck, you finally realized what he was doing. He was going to take his mask off.     You barely had time to think about your realization before it was off. You expected this man to be as hideous as his deeds. To be scarred by karma. That someone with his cold blood and stoned heart to be well in years. But you did not expect a pair of alert and almost doe like, brown eyes to meet your scared and worrisome (e/c). You blinked as you stared at his... young and pale face. He had rich, black hair that seemed to be curly in the dull light. His chin extended down making his face prolonged and his nose stood out as well. But his eyes. Those eyes. They were staring straight back at you.  "What... what did you say?" His voice came out in a whisper that seemed too soft for him. He... shouldn't be playing on your emotions like this. But he was. The longer you looked at him, the more you wanted to draw closer to him. But he- you needed to remember who this was. You lifted up your head.  "You're not getting the information." You forced your voice to sound at least strong while your body certainly didn't feel that way. A shaky breath came out of his pale lips. Then he moved closer to you. Once again, the desire to draw closer to him was rising up in you.  "You... its you." The soft words came out as you clearly saw his eyes move up and down. He seemed to be in a daze- lost in his own world. His eyes met yours once more. This... euphoria was growing inside of you. Why did you desire to reach out and touch him so bad? You removed your eyes from his and opted to stare at the wall once more. This man- was a murderer. You needed to remember that.    But suddenly, something smooth and a tad rough was touching your cheek. You stiffened and looked back at him. His arm was out reached and his gloved hand was touching your cheek. He was touching you. His dazed state was still there as he stared down at you. You swallowed uncomfortably and shifted.  "I... I'm sure you have many questions," He spoke above a whisper now. His voice was deep and a little husky. "But to put it simply, you... well... you're in my dreams. Your words at least." He said with a sort of shrug as you stared up at him. His thumb dipped down your cheek and towards your jaw. "And now... you- you're here. And I can't believe you're here." His eyes drifted down and settled close to your chin. You shifted once more. "And I kinda don't want to let you go." 

[amazingdriverfics]

Crowned by the devil - ch. 6

Summary: Kylo has to deal with his guilt as you deal wiht your injury. 

Warnings: description of violence, blood, medical stuff, attempt of sexual assault (will start after the * and end just before another*), angst

A/N: this is a heavy chapter so please be careful, take care of yourself, you are loved and needed. Hope you like it.

Previous Chapter  Following Chapter

The room fell silent, every pair of eyes was glued to the screen showing y/n as Kylo’s heart stopped for a minute. Her scream filled the room making all of the presents tense waiting for his reaction, Cardo had even left the couch he was previously resting with the rest of his knights to stand by Kylo’s side, worried for her just as much as Ren himself was. 

The next minutes were even worse, he watched as Heide, the girl his Empress was pressing to the ground, shook y/n’s wounded body from her back letting it fall to the grass. Before there was anything his chosen one could do, Antje, who was standing, kicked her ribs just above where the knife was, causing more blood to pour out of the wound painting the tank top y/n used.

His hands were closed in fists, agony filling his body, his breath was sucked from his lungs and Kylo didn’t find the strength to fill them up again, he couldn’t believe he was about to lose her, the woman whom impressed him so much, the one to make him feel alive after months of feeling an emptiness on his insides. The worst part was that Ren was the one to blame, he was the one who dragged her into this experiment, the experiment in which her life might end too soon.  

                                                          ----------

Laying on the grassy ground, you had already accepted your fate, there was no point on trying to get up, if it would have been hard before, now it was impossible. The kick must have broken your ribs, even though you weren’t sure, the amount of pain you were feeling surely making it feel like. You watched with tears in your eyes as the two woman stood before you, their shadows covering your body. “Well, I guess this is how your pathetic existence will end. Should I let you bleed to death or end you right here right now?” Antje’s voice spoke, sounding kinda far once the pain made your senses lose their preciseness. 

The two of them traded a few words you couldn’t quite figure out probably discussing just what to do as your hand went to your bleeding side, only to show up covered in blood once you took it to your face, a little bit of it staining your features with its crimson color.

All of a sudden, a ‘pew’ sound met your ears and before you could process what was even happening, Heide’s body met yours as she fell on your legs, from what you could see, with a hole on her head. You watched the other girl run away as consciousness started to drift away, black dots covering the sky you were watching, your hand resting on your chest since you couldn’t support its weight anymore.

Eventually, all that you could see was the dark, from far you could hear a sweet voice telling you to stay with her, but there was nothing you could do. 

                                                          ---------

Kreat had been weird all day, pampering you with a great amount of food, a hot shower in the Hutt’s palace in which he worked, the man had even brushed your hair and dressed you up with the most beautiful dress your eyes had ever seen. His attitudes were scaring the living hell out of you, part of you wanted to believe your master was trying to make you forgive him for the burn he gave you just a month ago - when you closed your eyes, you could still feel the sting you had felt that terrible night -, but you knew deep down that there was something more to it. He had been talking more and more about how rich you were going to make him, how you would accomplish it, however, was what haunted your thoughts. You had been so scared that you took a kitchen knife everywhere as a safety measure. 

You were alone in a room much bigger than yours in the Hutt castle with the knife you stole under the bed. Kreat said he would be back with a surprise and the anxiety was killing you, your nails were in your mouth being ripped away from your skin in an failed attempt to calm yourself down. 

The moment you heard the crack of the door opening your hand left your mouth and you stood up, a sign of respect to your master. Kreat stood by the door, but, unlike normally, he wasn’t alone, a young man with dark hair and purple eyes was standing right behind, a devilish smile on his face giving you chills. “Angel, this is Fred, he is the man who paid us a great amount of credits to enjoy your company. So, please, behave.” your master said giving you a look you knew meant that if you didn’t cooperate you would be punished. 

***********

Fred entered the room as Kreat closed the door introducing himself:  “Hello, y/n. I’m Fred”, as a reply you nodded not wanting to bother the man still unsure of what was your role in what was happening. “You are 15, almost 16, correct?” once again, a nod was all you replied. “You indeed have a beautiful body” the man said getting closer to you which instantly caused you to walk backwards meeting a wall. When he was standing right in front of you, his hands went to your sides making you squirm trying to get away from the intimidating unknown man. He tsked “You see, Angel, we can do this the easy way, I take your virginity which I paid for without hurting you, or you can be difficult and we’ll do it the hard way. Either way I’ll get what I want” his breath hit your face as your eyes became glossy with the realization that Kreat was going to let this man take your innocence away. 

“Please, please don’t do this, I’m not ready” you pleaded, tears falling down your face. Before hearing his voice again, you heard a laugh mocking your request “Oh, angel, I don’t give a fuck about what you want. Get on the bed, I won’t ask again” he said dryly getting away from you as his hands freed his body of the outer layers leaving him just in underwear. 

Slowly, you did what you were told, your body resting with unease in the large bed as you waited for Fred’s next move. You watched as he kneed on the bed, towering your figure, his lips kissing your neck as his hands trailed down the sides of your body. Under his ministrations, you were sobbing, afraid of what was coming your way. “You are so fucking beautiful, I can’t believe I’ll be your first, maybe I should buy you to myself”. The thought of belonging to the awful man and being violated again and again triggered something you had never felt before: a wish to fight back. 

***********

The next things happened too fast, it was like you weren’t the one in control of your own body. You grabbed the knife from under the bed and before the man on top of you even noticed, you pierced his jugular, blood splashing on your face and cleavage. His body felt heavy on top of you as he lost control of it and you struggled to be free of his weight.

After you were free, you waited under the bed for the moment Kreat was finally going to come back, a wish for revenge burning on your insides, this would be the last time he would ever hurt you. 

It was bloodier, Kreat entered the room and before he could even process what had happened you were on top of him, the knife breaking his skin over and over again, the hate accumulated on your bones from all the abuse you had lived finally leaving your body, you didn’t even notice when he stopped breathing, his screams were muffled by the rage all consuming. You stopped when you arms were sore from all the effort and ran never looking back. 

In the moment you finally got out of the Hutt castle, a smile cracked on your face, relief filled your body clouding any other sensation, making you forget you were covered in Fred’s and Kreat’s blood. You were free and you were never going back. 

                                                         ---------

“y/n?” was the first thing you heard as you started to come back to reality, your memory slash dream so real it took you a couple of minutes to figure out that you weren’t that little girl anymore. The next thing to hit you was the pain on your side forcing you to remember what had happened, surprise filling you, it wasn’t like you expected to wake up ever again.

You heard your name again, but you didn’t have the strength to answer, so all that left your mouth was a strangled noise, the only sign to show that you were really there - whatever there was -, that you were listening, that you were still alive, that you hadn’t give up the fight. “It’s me Aduke, do you remember what happened? Please, open your eyes if you do” her voice met your ears, worry clear in her tone, it must have been bad you thought. 

Trying to open your eyes seemed like the worst battle you had ever fought, your eyelids were heavy and sticking in each other, the amount of strength necessary to make them move taking a toll on you, making you remember the throbbing pain under and on your ribs. When you were finally able to do it, a relieved breath left your mouth. Still blurry, your first sight was a brown roof, which meant you certainly were not where you had been attacked, but you weren’t sure where exactly you were transferred to. You guessed you were still at the arena, from the lack of sound of any medical devices. “Good, you were out for a great amount of time, in four hours the experiment will be over, hang on. Do you think you can drink water?”. 

Yout throat was dry, but thinking of the effort you would have to do just to swallow the liquid was disencouraging, so you stayed silent hopping that she would be the one to decide if you should drink it or not. The first had seemed to win since Aduke got up and sat next to you with a water bottle in hand. The process was difficult, a little bit fell on your skin making you shiver, it was very cold when compared to your own body temperature, making you think that perhaps you were with a fever, you weren’t sure. Just like imagined, swallowing was the most difficult part, your muscles not wanting to cooperate, making you even more tired and causing your eyelids to become heavier. 

“y/n?” was also the last thing you heard before drifting off to the blackness again.   

                                                       ---------

Kylo was terrified, he watched as her body left the arena in a stretcher, imobile, connected in all kind of fluids, the patches Aduke had placed in her sides dripping with blood, she was a couple of colors lighter and covered in sweat. 

In the moment she entered the Steadfast, the dark knight ran to the Infirmary, threatening every single doctor responsible for her care - if she died, they would all meet a very unpleasant death -. And he waited. Waited for the surgery which had seemed to go on for days, waited for her to be transported to the room he was usually put it when injured pacing around, too nervous to focus on anything other than y/n. 

When she finally got there, he questioned the doctors over and over again making sure he understood every single thing about her health state. The surgery had been complicated, the knife hadn’t pierced your diaphragm for a few inches, however a internal bleeding had occurred, causing you to lose a lot of blood. You had also two fractured ribs, which would be healed eventually, but there wasn’t much that could’ve been done. The recovering should go smoothly, bacta helping it to go faster. 

Eventually, it was just him and her all alone.

                                                        ---------

A beeping sound woke you up, the first thing you felt was some kind of dizziness you weren’t sure from where it came, the second, a light pain coming from your side, but a thousand times better than it had been the last time you were awake. The signs made you figure out you were back on the Steadfast being taken care of, the beeps from the machines and the lighter pain from the drugs you took. The remaining questions were how bad you state actually was and for how long you had been out, but getting them answered meant calling a doctor, which meant having to move and making effort, which you weren’t exactly thrilled to do. 

A snoring sound was what really made your body move, your eyelids separating from each other as a white blinding light filled your eyes, shooting them closed again. When you were finally accustomed to the brightness of the room, you found the source of the sound - Kylo Ren -. His body was accommodated in a couch too small for him, his legs hanging from the edge as his head rested in a pillow. For the first time, you could actually watch him without the fear of being caught.

Not even in his sleep - much like you - he seemed to be at peace, a frown on his face expressing the discomfort felt by him. It didn’t make him any less beautiful though, his features impressive as ever making your forget for some seconds that he was no angel - not that you were one yourself -, making you forget that you should hate him and the absolute worst, making you remember the last time you saw Kylo, when your lips attacked his and your pelvis rubbed his. The next thing to come to your mind was a big question that even though you knew the answer, you chose to pretend you didn’t - what the hell was the Supreme Leader doing in your room? 

“Ms. y/l/n?” a male voice took you out of your head, making your eyes snap out of the sleeping figure and focus on the doctor standing right in front of the white door. “Y-yes” you replied, testing your voice still hoarse from the lack of usage. “I’m doctor Treg and I’ll be the one to monitor your health state” his voice met your ears again causing you to nod as a reply, waiting for him to inform you what you wanted to know. “As you must remember, in the arena you were cut by a knife just below your left ribs and kicked in them. The damage done by the knife was considerable since you had an internal bleeding, however, it didn’t hit any vital organs which means that recovery shouldn’t take too long once you will do some bacta treatment. As for your ribs, you fractured two of the bottom ones. We can’t immobilize them, so they will heal by themselves, once again, the bacta should speed up the process. For the recovery period, you must avoid brusque movements since they can both reopen your wound and cause you pain on the ribs. Breathing and laughing can also cause a little bit of pain, but nothing you will be not able to deal with, you will, however, be taking some painkillers for relief. Any questions?”. Before you could reply a deep baritone voice you knew too well for your own liking spoke up cutting you off. “That will be all, doctor”. 

With a ‘yes, Supreme Leader’, the physician left your room leaving you and your questions behind, fucking Ren. Angrily, you turned your face to his figure now standing by the end of your bed. “A-are you kidding me? I had questions y-your asshole” you spoke up, voice above a whisper still getting used to being used. “I can answer them all” he shrugged as if his presence and bossing around wasn’t a bother. “I wanted to ask the doctor not you” you replied back in instants not being the most mature you could. “You’re stuck with me” he stated. You whispered a ‘great’ muffled by the air you left out of your mouth, a signal you were not pleased. “What are you even doing here? I don’t need your damn pity” you asked, head turning to the side. “I don’t pity you and you know this” the knight replied making you laugh dryly. “So what is it? You are not here because you love me? You don’t even know me. You said you don’t pity me” you barked facing the man again, his face in a facade, but his eyes showing he wasn’t feeling well. “Oh, you’re feeling guilty, aren’t you? Guilty for putting a bunch of girls in a fucking arena just to satisfy your desire to be loved and your sadistic side. You are feeling guilty for being the reason why I’m here”, the mean words left your mouth before you could even stop them.

In no time, he was by your side holding your head roughly in his hand forcing you to look directly into his eyes as he angrily spilled his reply “It doesn’t matter. You have so fucking much to say about me, but we are the same, you hardly felt loved and when you did it didn’t last, you have so much pain and anger living inside of you that you don’t even know what to do with it so you destroy everything in your way, not with a lightsaber like me, but you do it with words. You are lonely, you are a nobody and you keep pretending to yourself that you like it, but I know better, you don’t, you want something you never had, you want to belong and I’m trying to give it to you, to me, but, stars, you just have to make it so damn difficult, don’t you? You want to believe so bad that you don’t deserve anything good that you are making it true”. 

“This is a good thing?” you laughed “You tease me and sure I like kissing you and I would fuck you, but it doesn’t erase the fact that we don’t really know each other, that you took me out of my fucking home without asking me just to come here and fight to rule an Empire which did nothing for me” you spilled back, just as angry. 

“Pretend all you want, but you feel this connection, you know we are alike. This-” he pointed to the both of you “ - is an opportunity for you to leave the joyless life you carried in that miserable little planet and do something big, something for yourself, something more than just fucking survive” Kylo stated letting your face go as he paced through the room with heavy steps. “I am nothing, you said it yourself, I have nothing to offer this galaxy, to offer you, stars, I have nothing to offer myself, and even if I do feel this ‘connection’ or whatever you want to call it, I don’t trust you, I don’t trust myself” you confessed, tears weighting on your eyes threatening to spill. “You think I trust you or myself?” he laughed “Cut the crap and take it, do something for yourself, get out of your comfort zone, you know that is what Juney would’ve wanted”.

That was a low trick and you were sure he knew it, mentioning your mother figure, but before you could talk back he cutted you off with a kiss, not like the other ones, softer and left the room shortly after, leaving you to process everything he had said.

[whileyoursleeping]

Habits

prompt: Just Eddie absentmindedly comforting Buck with a kiss to the forehead/head after a tough call. They aren’t even together and it just ends up becoming a thing they do.

idk man it’s been a long week i needed some fluff in my life

____________________________

Today doesn't feel like a win.

Buck joined firefighting because he got to be badass and help people at the same time, and that hasn't changed - he was telling the truth about that. He gets an insane rush from the bell going, from driving the truck with its lights and screaming sirens, from kicking in doors - people's worst days keep him on his toes and make him feel alive, and he'd feel bad about that if it weren't for the fact that he helps people.

They don't have deaths that often, really. It's a police thing, to go to the deaths. But sometimes the paramedics can't make it to help the cops out and then they're on deck and that's when things go sideways, usually.

He's broken five ribs of a nineteen year old today, a sweet and kind of frail looking girl who he thinks might've had an eating disorder of some kind - he knows what those look like. And her heart stopped, and they got there before anyone else, and he was the first to do CPR, the first to break her ribs, feel them give with absolute ease under his hands.

He feels everything. That's why he didn't join the SEALs. Because he feels it all and can't switch it off.

In the truck, Eddie's watching him. Buck resists the urge to squirm - Eddie knows him too well to think he's unaffected by today. He doesn't want Eddie to look.

Eddie taps his headset, then removes it. Buck follows suit reluctantly.

"You okay?" Eddie asks, loud over the roar of the engine.

"Yeah," Buck says, and he smiles, pretty convincingly if he does say so himself.

Eddie looks doubtful, but he pulls the headset back on, and they're quiet until they reach the 118. If Eddie shuffles a little closer, and Buck lets himself press his knee to Eddie's, no one says anything.

~*~

He's getting changed after the shift when Eddie finds him.

It's been a pretty shit day really. He's tired, and his leg is aching - it acts up when it's cold or when he's had a shit shift and he doesn't want to show it, so he grits his teeth and walks perfectly normally to his locker.

"Hey, Buckaroo."

It's Eddie's voice. He doesn't need to turn around. He lets himself feel a little warm at being called Buckaroo by Eddie, with the affection evident in his voice.

"Hey, man," he says.

"You want to come over tonight?" Eddie asks, stepping up to his locker near Buck's and beginning to shed his own uniform. "I'll pick up Chris from abuela's and we can have a pizza night. You still haven't seen Star Wars."

Buck wrinkles his nose. "I just don't get why people think Kylo Ren is hot," he argues.

Eddie laughs. "Yeah. Reminds me of my emo phase."

"Emo pha - what? Are there pictures?"

"Not that you'll ever see."

Buck pouts, and Eddie laughs. His face softens as he looks at Buck, and he steps a little closer.

"I'm sorry today was hard," Eddie says, sincerely, then pulls Buck down by the back of his neck and kisses his forehead.

Buck - because he's tactile and affectionate and loves being touched and having people near him - doesn't think twice about letting Eddie grab him by the neck, even when he's being pulled down again. He blinks, unsure of what to say, when he's let go.

But it felt nice. It felt really nice.

"Are you coming to pizza night?" Eddie asks.

Buck nods mutely. Eddie hasn't let his neck go. It feels nice to be held, even if it's just like this. Does Eddie even know he did it?

"Okay." He's let go, and he immediately feels cold, adrift. "I'll see you there."

~*~

Buck somehow makes it over to Eddie's, even though if you asked him he wouldn't be able to say how.

The moment he knocks, he can hear Christopher inside, yelling, "Dad, Dad, Bucky's here!" and the clatter of his crutches to get to the door.

Buck is ready. The moment the door swings open, Buck's grinning, pulling Chris up into his arms and swinging him around, resulting in a delighted fit of laughter. He kisses Chris's hair, inhales the little kid smell, and then puts him down.

"You always beat your dad to it, little man."

"That's 'cause he's slow!"

Eddie's laugh rings down the hallway. He enters a second later, in soft, worn blue jeans and a red henley that makes Buck's mouth feel kind of dry. Somehow, he feels underdressed in his own black jeans and white hoodie.

"Hey," Eddie says, and pulls him into a hug.

Buck - who is a touch-hungry, needy little pest at the best of times - melts into it, smiling so hard his face hurts. "I didn't miss pizza did I?"

"I made Daddy wait!" Chris crows. "Buck, come look at my science project!"

They eat pizza and Buck helps Chris with his science project, they play Mortal Kombat, and the night settles as Chris begins to yawn and requests a bedtime story from both of them. It's a little hard, two grown men crowded onto one single bed, but they manage, and Chris is out like a light halfway through the second story.

Eddie shuts the door to Chris's bedroom quietly and heads back to the kitchen. Buck has already started cleaning up.

"Don't do that," Eddie says. "You're a guest. Guests don't clean."

"Guests don't eat their friend out of house and home and then leave," Buck replies. Eddie smiles, then leans against the counter, almost nervous.

"Listen," he says, and Buck - detecting the change in the atmosphere almost immediately - sobers up, takes up a similar position, and waits to hear whatever this is - maybe the evening didn't go as well as he thought and he overstepped with the homework thing.

"I'm sorry about kissing you on the head," Eddie says. "I do it with Christopher when he's upset, and I was on autopilot. It was inappropriate of me. I'm sorry."

"It wasn't inappropriate," Buck says, flustered for a number of reasons (one of them being that he has never once in his life used the word "inappropriate" in conversation). "I liked it. It was nice."

Once realising what he said, he promptly starts praying for the ground to open up beneath him and swallow him whole, preferably for eternity. He's twenty seven and admitting he likes being kissed on the forehead. Fantastic.

"Oh." Eddie smiles. "That's... good then?" He looks a little awkward. "I just didn't want you to be uncomfortable."

"I'm not. Wasn't."

Eddie laughs. "You look pretty uncomfortable, Buck."

It's true. He's wedged himself into the corner counter with his hands deep in his pockets, makes a conscious effort to relax. "I thought I was in trouble," he admits.

"For what?"

"I don't know, something?"

"We gotta stamp that out of you," Eddie sighs, but his eyes are warm and face affectionate. "C'mon. You owe me a rematch."

~*~

It's sort of a habit after that.

They have some bad calls. Someone drowns, and Buck - who jumped in and pulled the guy out - shivers in the back of the firetruck in midwinter L.A temperatures until they get back to the firehouse. Eddie sits with him, puts a blanket around his shoulders, and presses a soft kiss to the side of his head.

Chimney's eyes just about bug out of his head, and Buck is almost ninety percent sure that Hen snapped a sneaky picture to show Bobby and Athena, but he's cold and wet and miserable and doesn't really care.

They send Eddie into the change rooms with him, because he's near hypothermic and they're worried about him collapsing. He gradually turns the water temperature of the shower up until it's scalding and stands there until his skin turns red and the shivering stops, and when he exits the showers, Eddie is there.

"You waited?" Buck asks, surprised.

"The last thing I want to have to tell Christopher is that his Buck died falling over in the shower because I wasn't paying attention."

Buck gets dressed, sits down on the bench, and sighs heavily. Eddie sits next to him.

"You okay?" he asks quietly.

"I just... wish he'd made it." A lot of things don't make sense to Buck after the tsunami. Why he lived even while cut and bleeding and on blood thinners, barely a month out of a pulmonary embolism that also should have killed him, and so many others died. "Doesn't make sense."

Eddie sighs, puts his arm around Buck's shoulders again, and draws him in close, until their thighs are pressed together. Eddie's lips press into his temple again, and Buck sighs at the contact.

"Easy, cariño," Eddie murmurs into his skin.

Buck weighs his options. No one is looking for him because Eddie is here with him, and he wants so badly to snuggle down into Eddie's warmth, but he also knows the guy isn't necessarily as tactile as him and almost definitely straight - he had a wife after all - but it's been a long time since someone held him, and not the other way around.

He takes a chance, nudges closer and down until his head is mostly tucked under Eddie's chin. Eddie, for his part, just raises his head to make more room for Buck.

Someone will look for them eventually, Buck knows. Still, he waits for Eddie to end their half-cuddle.

"If you get lonely tonight," Eddie says, quietly, "there's a spot for you at my place."

Buck doesn't believe him now, when it's light out and he knows where he is, but later - when it's dark and he's woken from a nightmare - believing Eddie or not won't matter.

~*~

"Chris!"

He's sitting up, nightmare fading, panic whirling through his mind like a twisted merry go round. There's water, he's breathing it in, and everything is upside down and he can't breathe.

"Chris, Chris-"

He's out of bed, going God knows where, makes it halfway down the stairs before he slips and falls. He crashes to the bottom, and the impact serves only one purpose - waking him up.

He finds his phone, dials Eddie. It's the only action his brain is capable of taking, even as he hates himself for waking the man up.

"Hullo?" Eddie's voice, sleepy, comes.

Buck tries to take a breath, but it catches. He feels cold.

"Buck?" Eddie asks, his voice sharper. "Are you alright?"

"Chris?" Buck asks, shyly, feeling suddenly very stupid for panicking.

"Chris is okay," Eddie says, calm. "Are you okay?"

He hesitates. Eddie breathes on the other end of the line, grounding him. "I had a nightmare," he says, gulping, "about the tsunami. Fuck, Eddie, I'm sorry, it's late-"

"Come over," Eddie interrupts.

"What?"

"Come over. You need sleep and you aren't gonna do that alone."

"Eddie, it's... well, I don't know what time it is, exactly, but-"

"Come over, Buck," Eddie says, and the line cuts out.

Unsure of what else to do, and honestly a little soothed by being ordered around, Buck packs a bag of his things and heads to Eddie's. The house is dark when he gets there, but as he sits in his car - debating turning around and leaving - the front door opens.

It's Eddie, in sweats and nothing else. God really has no mercy on Buck today.

He piles out of the car, feeling childish and stupid, but Eddie only smiles at him when he gets to the front door. "You okay?"

Buck nods mutely, but Eddie's frowning, and that's when Buck realises he woke up crying and almost hasn't stopped, and that he's limping.

"Come on," Eddie says, taking Buck's arm gently. "This way."

"The couch is-"

"You aren't sleeping on the couch, Buck. It's freezing."

"But I-"

Eddie pulls him down and kisses his head again, effectively ending his sentence. "We'll stop by Chris's room on the way," Eddie says quietly. "You can see for yourself that Chris is fine."

His throat closes up, so when he says, "Thank you," it sounds quiet and wobbly.

Chris is, sure enough, fast asleep and fine under his covers. Dry, safe. Buck watches him for a few minutes, until Eddie pulls him gently, and they go to Eddie's room. It's sparse, compared to Chris's - everything Eddie has, he gives to his son.

There's something attractive about that. Buck will definitely not analyse the fuck out of it later.

"Buck," Eddie says.

"Huh - yeah?"

Eddie's smiling gently. "The bed isn't gonna eat you."

He's been standing there long enough that Eddie has stripped down to the cut-off sweatpants he wears to bed. He's watching Buck expectantly.

Buck shrugs his way out of his clothes. It's not that he's shy about how he looks - he works hard and he knows it shows - but being around Eddie makes him nervous. He feels vulnerable. It's almost nice, in a terrifying way.

"You are thinking so damn hard," Eddie groans. He's already in bed, on his stomach, hands beneath the pillow. He's got a tattoo on his spine Buck somehow hasn't noticed before, and his lats are defined as if he'd been hand-drawn by an artist.

"Sorry," Buck says sheepishly, and climbs into the other side of the bed before he can really stop to consider what he's doing. He's tired, and his brain is fogged by the stress of his nightmare, and Eddie is offering him something he doesn't know how to ask for, so he takes it. Selfishly, he takes it.

He rolls onto his side, away from Eddie, and closes his eyes, willing sleep to come. He's keyed up still, from the nightmare that shook him awake and the implications of what being in Eddie's bed could mean alongside the kisses, and if he lets himself drift too much he's back in yesterday, feeling the drowning man's ribs break beneath his hands.

(He never wanted to hurt people, only help them. It turns out those can be the same thing. Nobody warned him.)

"Buck," Eddie says quietly.

Buck jumps. He thought Eddie was asleep. "Yeah?"

"Roll onto your stomach."

He does. It's easy to do what Eddie tells him to. The other man has never led him astray before.

"Easy," Eddie murmurs, which is the only thing that stops buck from jumping when he feels Eddie sitting at his hip, and Eddie's calloused hands on his shoulders, massaging.

He didn't realise how tense he was. He relaxes, lets Eddie manipulate his head from side to side and dig his fingers into all the tender parts Buck didn't know existed.

He's falling closer and closer to the edge of sleep. Even as he does, his belly stirs with heat - he hasn't been touched like this for a long time.

Eddie finds a knot under his shoulder blade, pulls his arm out a little to open the joint up, and digs in.

"Ow!" Buck says, only remembering to keep his voice down at the last second.

"Sorry, sorry," Eddie says guiltily. He'd jumped when Buck had flinched from the pain, and now he's rubbing gently, apologetically, at the kinks that make up Buck's spinal cord. "It's supposed to be relaxing. I didn't realise you were this tense."

"Me neither," Buck admits. "I was relaxed."

Maybe a little too relaxed. He's half hard, which means there's no way he's rolling over anytime soon. He wants Eddie to keep going - to maybe duck below the waistband of his sweats.

He doesn't think about it too hard. Being attracted to men is new, but it doesn't feel that different from being attracted to women. No, the part he's freaked about is that it's Eddie, and knowing Buck's streak of relationships, he'll almost definitely fuck things up.

"Good." He feels Eddie lay down next to him; his hand keeps moving up and down Buck's spine, soothing him. "Go to sleep, cariño."

Cariño, Buck muses. It sounds familiar, and affectionate. If he was more awake, he'd probably be able to work out why.

"Night," he mumbles.

"Goodnight, Buck."

~*~

He's half awake because the door is opening.

Sometimes, his SEAL training is effective. Sometimes, because he's out of practice and relaxed, it's not. Today it's at the halfway mark, where his body instinctively knows that someone is nearby, but doesn't care enough to react.

There's a heavy arm slung over his waist, and someone breathing nearby. Eddie, Buck thinks, and the knot of momentary panic in his chest eases.

"Daddy, you didn't tell me Buck was here!"

Buck groans, raises his head from the pillow to see Chris attempting to climb onto the bed. "Hey, buddy," he croaks. He reaches down with one arm, gets it around Christopher, and hauls him up. "Why're you up so early?"

"We're always awake this early," Eddie's voice mumbles. "Chris, we said no waking Daddy up before six thirty, didn't we?" His fingers flex at Buck's hip, and Buck wishes more than anything that Eddie was dragging him close to kiss him.

"It's six-thirty-five, Dad!"

Buck laughs sleepily, tucks Christopher closer to his chest. The kid goes easily, melts into his body and lays there with his hand on Buck's neck, grinning up at him brightly.

"Dad," Chris says.

Eddie makes a vaguely muffled noise that Buck thinks may sound like a prayer for death, but doesn't do anything else, other than sling his arm over Christopher's waist. His hand lands on Buck's hip, and Buck twitches helplessly.

"Yeah, buddy?" Eddie mumbles.

"How come Buck's sleeping in your bed?"

"Because he was tired."

There's a long pause, as if Chris is contemplating something - which is never good. "Mommy used to sleep in your bed too," Chris points out.

Dead silence falls over them. Buck freezes as Eddie, suddenly very awake, raises his head and looks right at Buck.

"I'm gonna go make breakfast," Buck says, and not only does he literally fall out of bed, he trips on his jeans in the doorway, causing Christopher to laugh and clap mercilessly. Buck loves the kid, but he's way too smart for his own good.

~*~

More close calls after that. Buck nearly falls off a ladder (again), which earns him a stern talking to by Eddie and a few off-handed comments from Chim about needing to lose a few pounds.

Eddie kisses him on the head that night before they leave, and Buck feels the spot his lips touched all night.

A week later, it's more of the same - a bad pileup and an overzealous Buck results in a burn to his hand, which is superficial but still has Eddie muttering in furious Spanish as he does first aid. Buck didn't know forehead kisses could feel angry, but this one does.

He decides to be more careful. Eddie's blood pressure can't take much more of this, he suspects.

Only even being careful Eddie finds reasons. He makes a perfectly logical call during a job and comes out unscathed (which hasn't happened in, like, three years at least) and Eddie is still worried and looking like he's waiting for the other shoe to drop.

"I'm fine, Eds," Buck says, and gives his best winning smile. "What, you worried about not keeping up with me?"

Eddie rolls his eyes. "Estúpido," he mutters, but he's almost smiling.

"Hey! I don't understand Spanish, but I can guess!"

Eddie finally cracks a grin and pulls Buck down by the collar to give him a quick kiss on the head.

"So," Chimney says, later, when they're getting changed. "How long have you and Diaz been a thing?"

Buck almost chokes on the muesli bar he's wolfing down. "Me and-? We aren't. We're not."

Chimney doesn't look convinced. "You sure he knows that?"

"It's just a, a thing," Buck splutters.

"I thought you said it wasn't a thing?"

"No, it isn't - we're not a thing, the kissing thing is a thing, it's not - it doesn't mean we're together! We're just friends!"

"Oh, please," Hen scoffs - she's waited for them outside the locker rooms. "Buck, have you seen the way that man looks at you? You aren't just anything."

"I thought he was gonna blow a fuse when Buck was hanging off that ladder," Chim says thoughtfully. "Just about tore strips off the maintenance guy for not fixing it better."

"He did?" Buck asks, a little awkward.

"Sure did, Buckaroo. He loves you."

Buck bristles. "I'm straight!"

Hen just outright laughs at that, and Buck wilts. "Well," he hedges. "I mean, I thought I was..."

"Honey," Hen says, "even I'm not resistant to the Diaz charm. You can't be held responsible for waving goodbye to straight in the rearview mirror."

Her and Chimney high five gleefully. Buck bangs his head dramatically against a firetruck. Just his luck that he'd end up falling for the guy who gives him totally platonic forehead kisses.

~*~

Things get decidedly more awkward after his revelation.

He's a floundering mess around Eddie, who doesn't even seem to take offence at it - he just smiles and laughs like Buck is the funniest person ever.

Everyone's having fun except him, given that he's trying to get his head around liking Eddie the same way he liked Abby and Ali.

The forehead kisses continue, except now Eddie's doing it when Buck's fine but Eddie's had a rough day. Buck considers starting except he doesn't know how to without making things infinitely worse for both of them.

Eddie notices he's being weird and brings it up all of once: "Look, I know you said it didn't bother you, but if you want me to stop, you can tell me to anytime-"

"It doesn't," Buck rushes to say. "Don't. I don't want you to. To stop that is."

God, hasn't the universe fucked with him enough already?

~*~

Eddie calls in sick two weeks later and Buck, because of who he is as a person, goes to the grocery store after work, picks up ingredients for soup, and goes around.

He's geared up to argue his way into the house, sure that Eddie won't want to see him when he's like this, so when Eddie opens the door to his knocking his jaw is set and he's ready to fight dirty to get inside.

"Buck?" Eddie asks.

"You look terrible," Buck informs him, and Eddie rolls his eyes.

"Thanks, Buck."

But he's right, Eddie does look bad. He's pale and his eyes are red-rimmed and he's wearing a hoodie, which he never does, that's a little too big on him.

"Bobby said you were sick," Buck says, "so I'm going to make you soup." He's nervous and trying to cover it up with confidence, and Eddie kindly doesn't call him on it. He just smiles a little.

"Do I get a say in this?"

"No," Buck says. "Where's Chris?"

"With abuela. I didn't want him to catch it. But she can't keep him a lot longer." Eddie's getting that hunted look in his eyes, the one he had when he first joined the 118 and didn't know how to access childcare and abuela had hurt her hip. "I'm not really up to looking after him either."

"I'll look after him," Buck says instantly. "We'll be quiet, I promise."

Eddie's face breaks into a smile. "You sound like you're trying to convince me to have a sleepover."

"Can we, Eddie? Pleeeease?"

Eddie laughs, coughs, and stands back to let Buck in. "Not that I'm not grateful," he says, "but why're you here?"

"I told you,, I'm making soup," Buck says matter-of-factly. "Go sit down somewhere."

Eddie takes a seat at the kitchen table, where he can watch as Buck works. Buck knows better than to pick this battle, so he says nothing, just starts unloading groceries from bags and chattering aimlessly as he gets preparing things.

"That was when the new guy slipped and fell right into it - grey water, man, pretty much the grossest shit you could ever go through and - that's my sweatshirt."

Eddie looks like a deer in the headlights, but Buck's certain he's not wrong. It's the white sweatshirt he'd worn here when they had dinner. After the first forehead kiss.

"Oh, really?" Eddie asks, so unconvincingly Buck actually snorts.

"Yeah." It's a little long on Eddie, but it fits well enough around his shoulders. "That's definitely mine. And you know it's mine."

"Sorry," Eddie mumbles.

"Don't be." Buck, a little slow on the uptake, realises two things simultaneously - one, that Eddie knew it was his sweatshirt and didn't return it to him, and two, that Eddie had knowingly put it on afterwards. He grins.

"You wanted to wear my clothes."

"Buck," Eddie says, almost whining. He's begging Buck to drop it but Buck has never known when to quit, even when he's ahead.

"My sweatshirt is your forehead kiss!" Buck crows.

"Dios mios," Eddie mumbles, holding his head in his hands. "Este imbécil no tiene idea..."

Buck feels like he should be at least a little bit outraged at the definite use of the word imbecile in that sentence, but he's too busy feeling warm and fuzzy at the idea that Eddie takes comfort in wearing Buck's clothes the same way Buck takes comfort in Eddie's forehead kisses.

"You love me," he says smugly.

Eddie looks up, then, smiling with his eyes warm and pinned on Buck, and Buck suddenly feels as though the floor has fallen away - he's looking at it, he realises. He said it as a joke, but he's looking at Eddie now and Eddie is looking at him and Eddie so clearly loves him it hurts.

"Te amo," Eddie says, still with that expression.

Buck doesn't need a translation for that. He knows what that means. He knows it means Eddie is putting his heart on the line for him, without much of an indication of how Buck feels at all.

He can feel how hard he's smiling, and if it hadn't been for the door opening he might've done something about the confession then and there. But then Chris is yelling, "Bucky's here!" and he can hear Eddie's abuela laughing in the background, and he goes to meet them - lets his hand catch on Eddie's shoulder, first, lingering, before getting to the door.

"Hey, buddy!"

Chris laughs as Buck swings him around. "No one said you were coming!" he says excitedly.

"I decided to surprise your dad." He puts Chris down. "You wanna help me make him soup?"

"Yeah!"

Chris heads for the kitchen, and Buck straightens, face-to-face with Eddie's abuela. She's smiling.

"Edmundo is very lucky to have a man like you," she says, pulling his shoulder until he leans down far enough for her to kiss his cheek. "Chico dulce."

He glows at the praise, at the acknowledgement that people know how Eddie feels, apparently, and that they think Buck is a good choice.

It's a quiet night after that. Buck makes soup with Christopher's help, then gets both Diaz boys situated in the living room. Christopher has math homework so complicated it makes both their heads hurt, but they have more luck with history, which mostly turns into Buck re-enacting some of the more dramatic civil war battles and attempting a poor English accent. Eddie - who has pretty much stayed on the couch since dinner - watches them and smiles.

Buck puts Chris to bed on time, reads him a story. As he's turning off the light, Christopher mumbles, "Buck?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you for taking care of Dad."

His heart swells. He leans down and kisses Chris's forehead. "Of course, kiddo. Sleep tight."

He leaves the door a crack open, with the hallway light spilling in, and goes back to the living room. Eddie sits up a little as he enters.

"About what I said before-" Eddie begins, his face worried and body tense beneath the blanket.

"Please don't take it back," Buck pleads.

Silence falls over both of them. Eddie stares at him, and Buck shuffles his feet around helplessly. Appearing small is hard to do when you're six foot two, but he's trying his best - it never worked with his dad, but it can't hurt to try.

"Buck," Eddie says quietly. "Come over here."

Buck obeys mindlessly, goes to the couch and folds down on it awkwardly. Eddie sits up - if Buck looks carefully, he can see that there are light tremors shaking his frame. Maybe the fever is breaking.

"I wasn't going to take it back," Eddie says gently. "I was going to apologise for blindsiding you, but I wouldn't ever take it back."

Buck opens his mouth, then shuts it. "Chimney was right," he realises aloud.

Eddie frowns. "Chimney?"

"Chim told me you loved me! And that that's why you were kissing me so often!"

Eddie smiles that patient smile of his. "Why else would I be doing it?"

Buck flounders. Is he seriously the last person to know about this? Why is it that everyone always knows these things before him?

Eddie laughs, then. "Buck," he says. "You look like someone killed your puppy."

"I'm dumb," Buck moans, sinking further into the couch.

"Hey." Eddie reaches out and takes Buck's face between his hands, sending an instant flush through him. "If I'm right, and you want this as well, then of course you didn't realise. Maybe it felt too good to be true. You're not dumb."

Buck blinks. "I want to kiss you," he says.

"You'll get sick," Eddie reminds him gently. "But if you stay the night, maybe tomorrow."

"Okay," Buck says, smiling. "I'll stay."

[doflamingadonquixote]

I Won’t Say Anything-Pt.1/3

Warnings: TROS SPOILER, Torture, Soulmate AU Summary: You are a member of the Resistance. You’re captured by the First Order while you are waiting for information from the spy. Pairing: Armitage Hux x Female!Reader Words: 2391

Important: Sorry for the bad english and the errors. I’m an italian fan and this is the first time I write a fanfic in english.

—————-

Part 1 of 3

You didn’t know how long you had been locked in that torture chamber. You lost track of time after the 15th electric shock. It started from the handcuffs and expanded to below the knees, firmly glued to the ground, as if all the weight of the galaxy weighed on your shoulders.

Three rounds of stormtroopers came in every day.

Your room was number 6 and, from what you heard the soldiers of the first order muttering to each other, it looked like it was an interrogation room. Not far from the idea that you were made.

How they managed to capture you again was a mystery.

You were supposed to meet with a droid for the transmission of important information but that didn’t show up.

In its place, an army surrounded you in seconds by throwing you on the ground and giving you a violent blow with the kick of their blasters at the base of the head.

You were transported on the ship inside that room, with streams of dried blood on the hair attached to the forehead and questioned incessantly. At first they were cautious, investigating whether such a person was actually aware of important information, but when you resisted they didn’t hold back.

You were certainly a member of the Resistance, and although there was no prejudice within the rebels, you thought you were the most expendable one, compared to the other fighters. You had asked Commander Leia yourself to face that dangerous and uncertain journey after a statement from the alleged spy had been received at Headquarters.

At that point, chained and exhausted, you had the conviction that there had been no spy within the Order. It had only been a trap.

For the umpteenth time, the door to the room swung open with a faint noise. A couple of stormtroopers came in, aiming their blaster rifles at you.

Looking up a little, you noticed that another person was visiting that day. General uniform and banners, red hair, pale skin and a spirited look in his green eyes. You were no doubt in the presence of the First Order general, Armitage Hux.

“Will you be more accommodating today and will you tell us why you were in Minfar?” Commander Spiftz’s tone of voice seemed almost impatient. After all, how many times had that question asked you since the day of your capture?

“I won’t say anything.” You sighed, tired. You tried to look away from the commander’s electric and evil eyes only to find yourself staring at the green and bored ones of General Hux. However, he was who looked away, pointing at something to the right of his subordinate.

You also turned to it and found a droid with strange colors advancing in your direction. He was like BB-8, the droid of the Commander Dameron, but his steel and the red that stood out made him ten times more threatening.

“You know, we have developed a new type of droid. And it is here to show you his usefulness. ”The commander passed a hand covered in black leather gloves on the smooth surface of the robot and that advanced as if he had received direct orders.

It rolled until it was behind you, where you couldn’t follow it with your eyes and froze.

“I won’t say anything.” You continued, despite being intimidated by those overwhelming presences that dominated you in every sense.

“We’ll see.” It was a whisper but it sounded like a premise of something horrible.

Before you knew it, something entered the base of your spine. At the beginning it wasn’t painful, it was like a normal needle in the flesh (those who had already implanted you several times), but then a cosmic pain came, that made you block your breath. Not buried from where it came from, you could not describe in which part of the body it had flowed. The blood had started to boil in your veins like it was red-hot lava and you could feel its rending heat. Your lungs had stopped functioning and your heart seemed to be about to explode in your chest.

The voice didn’t seem to come out for a long time but then you burst into a liberating scream and tears began to flow down your sweaty red cheeks.

You tried to bend over yourself, in a futile way to ease the pain, but the ties on the wrists prevented you from extended movements.

“W-what-what did you do to me …?” You were trembling with convulsions but you managed to slumber terrified words.

“This is only the first stage, rebel scum. If you want me to stop, you just have to say what we want to know.” The commander explained to you, as if talking to a baby. He bent down on his knees, crouching down in front of you, and ran a hand through your messy, messy hair.

“I-I won’t say anything.” You stammered, as already anticipating your destiny. But before the man could torture you again, while pulling your hair, you passed out.

When you regained consciousness, you first noticed that the terrible pain of minutes before had vanished into thin air. Then a light tap on your forehead forced you to quickly open your eyes.

In front of you, a medical droid was taking care of your head injury from days before and at the same time stuck a needle in your arm connected to a gold-colored serum.

“The prisoner is stable, General Hux. The muscle pains due to the Emperical9765 experiment have been alleviated, her defenses have restored order. Besides, she’s awake. ”processed the droid, not stopping his work.

When the droid mentioned the general, you looked around with anxiety and doubts and saw him standing, at a safe distance from you and the robot, with its usual complete and stoic appearance. He took a step forward when he noticed your full attention to him.

In the dense, compressed air of the room, what seemed to be a sort of static electricity that kept your eyes glued to those of red vibrated, you wondered how it was possible that a man could be so rigid and petty despite his young age.

“Why are you doing this?” You asked, curious about the answer that he would have been able to elaborate and in fact that was not long in coming.

“You seem to be aware of important information. We are running out of prisoners to interrogate because of the extermination that the Knights of Ren carry out.” Mechanical and calculated, just like him. “We cannot lose a source, precious or useless that it is.”

He took another step forward, flanking the other torture station by his side and looked down on you with a frown you couldn’t define. Was he disgusted, troubled, anxious, angry? You couldn’t understand it.

And you wondered why you cared so much about his reactions and emotions at the time.

“I won’t say anything.” You now seemed fond of that particular phrase.

Hux seemed to contemplate you just like a few moments you did with him before. Then he spoke.

“The First Order is aware of the reason you were on Minfar. All the generals have move to find the spy.”

The little spit that remained in your throat seemed to dry up at those words. They had discovered your secret, but how? You were sure you didn’t say anything…

“Why are you telling me?” You whispered, shocked by the revelation but not yet weak enough to look away from him.

“No particular reason. What we are looking for is the identity of the spy. “

When the medical droid pushed the dirty gauze away and moved to a corner of the room, the general leaned in half his torso towards your kneeling figure.

"Tell me who he is and I’ll spare you more pain.”

You laughed at the situation that had just arisen. “A general who has lost an entire stellar base in search of a little hope that will restore his honor.” You shook your head, despite the pain in your head giving you a twinge. “You fell down, Hux.”

General Hux was not known as a man who lost his temper or got caught and conquered by anger (Ren was already creating enough problems) but at that moment the desire to reach out and strangle you there on the spot seemed to have taken the best of him.

The electricity that had invaded the room instantly broke when he grabbed you by the lapel of your tattered shirt and his face was dangerously close to yours.

“Tell me!” Was a hiss, barely audible and for a moment you had the presumption of having felt desperation for an answer in the tone of his words. You felt all his anger and fear of that closeness and wondered if it was just your imagination. It seemed to depend on the identity of the spy as his life depended on it.

Before you could let you be captivated by the conflicting sensations that traveled in your subconscious and cancel that uncomfortable connection you didn’t want to be part of, you pulled your head back just enough to give yourself the momentum for a head shot in the nose of the general.

At the moment of impact, like a bolt of lightning, a fire warmed you starting from your forehead to the depths of your soul. You imagined that it was the adrenaline of the moment … but then, like a holodrama, sporadic events began to flash before your eyes with Armitage Hux as the protagonist.

You saw the slap that sent him to the ground as a child by a man who had his own fiery red hair, his growing and admiringly watching the generals of the old Empire, saw him discussing his assassination with a very tall stormtrooper and silver in color (possibly Captain Phasma Finn and Rose had spoken of), the destruction of the New Republic with the powerful First Order weapon with its bloodshot green eyes, Kylo Ren’s Force against him and finally a small Hux flash that inserted codes inside a droid. The droid …

When you came back to reality, it seemed that hours had passed and instead the General was still there, a few steps away from you. He was holding a gloved hand on his bleeding nose that fell against the metal floor.

His eyes were wide and you mistakenly translated him by surprise, and his legs trembled with the effort of standing.

“I won’t say anything!”

Without adding anything else, the general ran away from the room like lightning, leaving the droid behind him and a realized but confused you.

While Hux let himself be cured by a medical droid that levitated in midair, he pondered what had happened a few minutes earlier.

You were certainly a problem for him. If he had revealed what type of droid you were waiting on Minfar, the First Order or rather General Allegiant Pryde, they would have, without a doubt, done their research and however scrupulous and attentive he had been, they would still have gone back to him.

He could not allow such a dangerous person to remain alive. This would have meant a certain death for him and the end of his purpose.

He had witnessed torture on the new experimental test solely to make sure you died before uttering spy information. However, you had not opened your mouth even after the terrible situation to which you had been subjected and whose effects Hux knew perfectly well.

With that willpower that arose only from members of the Resistance, he was impressed.

He thought of going to visit you, to check your vital values ​​and clean it up to prevent you from dying from bacteriological infections but what he discovered being in your presence didn’t please him at all.

He had tried to force you again and still you had resisted in the worst way. You looked at him with pity and misery, not realizing that you were in the presence of the spy you were waiting for.

The droid he had sent to Minfar had been blocked for checks and delayed his arrival on the planet. And so you had been captured, after a possible traitor’s voice had rushed to the ship.

Hux, for the unexpected event, had decided to give up but when the torture began on you, certain that sooner or later you would reveal his secret, he decided that it was better his betrayal was worth the effort. He had found another way to transmit information and get it to order by not allowing anyone to know his identity, not even to a droid.He inadvertently moved when his head throbbed with pain and the medical droid stopped his work. He still had little flashes of your life that tumbled in his mind.

After the impact, something happened that he never expected to happen in his life.

He had found what appeared to be his soulmate.

He had read years before this legend, the soulmates were discovered through a touch of skin to skin but he hadn’t expected your small and boring background to be revealed to him. Daughter of sympathizers of the New Republic, your father who died in the battle against the Empire and your mother still in the service of the Resistance. You were a ground soldier, trained hard by the other rebels.

The connection had lasted a few seconds but Hux realized that in his mind it was as if a database had been implanted with data exclusively aimed at you.

But your name, he still didn’t know your name.

In the following days, after he managed to convey the message of the return of Emperor Palpatine to the Resistance, Kylo Ren confirmed in front of all the officers and generals that there was a spy among them. However, due to the inconvenience the rebels were creating, the torture of the prisoner was sporadic until it was completely exhausted.

Hux had never visited you that day but was checking on you and looking through the cameras inside the interrogation room 6. He would not have risked ending up with a hole in the head of a blaster to probe his soulmate.

Until the day they caught the Wookiee who traveled with Han Solo.

[eleanor-writes-stuff]

chemistry (my heart’s a city you’re out to destroy) - [ii/iii]

Kylo Ren - superhuman, mercenary, and the world’s most dangerous man – has recently resurfaced after a mysterious three-month disappearance.

Rey Niima, listicle writer by day and investigative reporter by night, is way too busy to worry about that. Seriously, she’s got a million things on her plate - she doesn’t have the time to think about anything else.

Especially now that news editor Benjamin Snoke has returned to the office and seems hell-bent on making her life… interesting.

It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s chapter two of my superhuman!Kylo/reporter!Rey AU! Get ready for five thousand words of the world’s dumbest love triangle ever. Poor Rey.

Chapter 1 Also available on AO3. And hey, maybe check out my Twitter and Ko-fi?

Enough has changed about The Outpost in the last two months to put Rey on edge.

The skeevy club looks the same as always, but it’s the unfamiliar faces slipping out through the back entrance and disappearing into the dark alley that have Rey on edge as she hides in the bushes across the street and strains her eyes to make out distinctive features through her crappy Amazon binoculars. Even worse than the unfamiliar faces are the familiar ones, the ones she’s only ever seen in dossiers detailing crimes that make her stomach turn, and it’s almost enough to make her pack everything up and rush back to the safety of her home.

But this is what she’s been waiting for, this is what she’s spent the last six months looking for–

Her blood turns to ice as her ears discern a rustling of leaves from behind her, and Rey reaches for the knife in her boot just as a gloved hand claps over her mouth.

“Still playing Lois Lane, I see,” Kylo chuckles in her ear, voice distorted by that awful modulator of his. Rey allows herself a sigh of relief before she nips at the fleshy part of his palm and turns around to greet him with a scowl.

“Sadly you’re no Superman,” she huffs, willing her heart rate to return to normal as the last bit of terror drains away. Would it really kill him to just announce his presence? Or maybe have the decency to approach her rather than drop out of the sky with no warning?

Kylo shakes his head as he settles in next to her, heedless of the grass stains forming on his suit. “Hey, I might be getting there.”

Rey sets aside her binoculars in favor of studying him. The mask gives nothing away, it never does, but that just means she’s spent the past two years learning to read every other bit of him. The way his shoulders tense when he’s being particularly vulnerable; the way his fingers curl into and then away from his palm when he’s frustrated or hesitant or even scared; the way his head droops sometimes because even if she can’t see him he can see her, and there are times when he just can’t look her in the eye–

“Is… is that what you’re doing? Are you one of the good guys now?”

It feels wrong, reducing things to black and white, good and bad after everything she’s learned about him since the day they first met. To suggest that Kylo was bad before, that he was ever entirely bad… it’s way off the mark, and Rey knows that better than anyone. But she can’t think of any other way to describe this sudden shift in his MO, allegations of murder suddenly replaced by acts of vigilantism since his return a week ago.

Kylo shrugs, his eyes – well, his mask – fixed firmly on the exit she’d been so closely monitoring just minutes ago. When he speaks, his voice comes out in a low rumble she’s learned to recognize as a whisper. “Everyone loves a good redemption arc, don’t they?”

He keeps his eyes on the club even as Rey stares at him so intently she’s almost surprised she hasn’t burned a hole into the side of his helmet. But she can’t help herself, entranced by this puzzle just like any other.

Because here stands – or squats – Kylo Ren, leader of the world’s most dangerous team of operatives, a five-person superhuman team capable of regime change overnight, of broad daylight assassinations, of heists that should not be physically possible. And now suddenly, after a three-month disappearance he still won’t talk to her about, he’s a lone wolf dropping off wanted criminals at the local precinct’s doorstep and… ‘liberating’ confidential records leading to the downfall of key players in the city.

He’s always puzzled her but this… this is new. This is more than anything that has ever come before, than everything that has ever come before combined, and Rey can’t even begin to make sense of it, of him.

Eventually, Kylo turns to her. “What?” he asks, and Rey hates that she thinks she hears a smile in his voice but can’t see it, can’t see him. In the early days she’d been desperate to figure out who the man under the mask was for all the reasons one would expect of a journalist, but then that desperation had turned to frustration when she couldn’t put a face (or even a real voice) to her midnight fantasies, and eventually that frustration had morphed into unreasonable hurt as the days turned into weeks turned into months turned into years and still he refused to share anything of himself with her.

And it’s only gotten worse since his return.

“What made you change your mind?”

Kylo is quiet for the longest time, and with every passing second of silence a lump grows in her throat and sits heavy on her chest. Will he ever tell her anything again? Did he even tell her that much to begin with? Throughout their… whatever the hell this has been, Rey has eagerly taken every tiny crumb he’s tossed her way in the hopes of eventually puzzling him out, and all along she’s been too busy slotting the tiny pieces into place to ever take a step back and realize she barely has anything.

“I didn’t,” Kylo finally says, and his next words are so predictably vague Rey can’t even bring herself to feel disappointed. “I just finally became my own boss.”

But then who was the boss before? Why did she not know there was one? The whole world thinks he’s the one in charge, he’s the one pulling the strings and leading the rest of the Knights – and where are the rest, anyway? Did they decide not to come back from their break? Were they the reason for the break?

She opens her mouth even before she’s picked out a question to begin with, only for Kylo to hush her and pull her down to the ground.

“I think that’s enough investigative work for tonight, sweetheart,” he says as gunshots pierce the silence of the night and trigger a symphony of chaos.

This, at least, is familiar to her – yet another one of the many little skirmishes that frequently break out among the lower-ranking members of the gang who like to hang around the club. Rey doesn’t even need to look up to know that no one of interest is involved here, or even on the scene; all of her targets know better than to hang around such a spectacle.

Kylo tugs at her arm and motions for her to follow his lead, staying low to the ground just in case. “Come on, I’ll walk you back to your car.”

Rey turns back to gather her equipment only to find that he’s already handled it, her ratty canvas backpack bouncing against one shoulder with every move of his arms.

“No car tonight,” she whispers back as they crawl away. “I took an Uber.”

He stills and turns back to stare at her. Rey can almost imagine the look of exasperation on his face – a featureless one, composed of ever-changing eyes and lips and noses. “Rey,” he groans, and the note of concern he can’t quite hide even with the modulator squeezes her heart in the most painful way.

“It’s less risky than having someone recognize my car.”

Kylo concedes her point with a huff, and they continue to crawl until he deems them a safe distance away. “Let’s get you out of here and somewhere safe enough for an Uber driver,” he says as he helps Rey to her feet, and she brushes away blades of grass stuck to his front to buy herself some time.

The offer’s been on the tip of her tongue for months now, and one of Rey’s greatest regrets when he disappeared and she didn’t know if she’d ever see him again was not just blurting it out when she had the chance to. But now that she’s here, and he’s here, and she can feel how warm he is even through the leather of his suit…

She takes a deep breath, forces herself to look up at him. “Or you could walk me home.”

His sharp inhale crackles through the modulator but he doesn’t look away, and even through the mask Rey can feel his eyes on hers. Lately she’s been thinking they might be brown. Not the dull kind, but a rich, deep tapestry of mahogany and chocolate with little flecks of amber, dark but expressive, stern but kind, so easy to misread until you get close enough to realize–

Kylo drags her back before she can get too distracted. “Would you invite me up for a nightcap?”

Blood pounding in her ears, Rey forces a laugh as she swats his bicep and ignores the little thrill that runs up her spine from smacking against a solid wall of muscle. “I’ll have you know I’m a third date kind of girl,” she protests even as her lips twitch with a smile and she feels herself leaning into him.

A big, warm hand curls around her waist as he laughs. If she could just hear him laugh for real, just once, without that goddamn device… Rey thinks she might die happy.

“I’d say we’re well past our thirtieth at this point, sweetheart.”

It’s ridiculous, really, that she made it through the entirety of her teen years without once experiencing that heart-skips-a-beat, butterflies-in-stomach sensation all her friends gushed about only for it to hit her now.

“So we are–?”

A drop of water splattering against her nose silences her, and Rey looks up at the dark sky just in time for the heavens to open up and unleash a storm none of her seven weather apps predicted. “What the hell?”

Kylo slips his hand into hers. “Come on, let’s make a run for it.”

Alternatively he could just do that disappearing thing he does so well, as long as he takes her with him and brings them somewhere dry, but before Rey can suggest that he’s tugging at her hand and breaking out into a run she can’t help but keep up with. At some point the sight of Kylo Ren running in the rain and turning to her every minute or so with a quiet laugh makes the experience bearable, and she decides to just go with it until they find themselves standing in front of a closed café with a tiny roofed patio.

Raindrops are tracing little paths down the curve of Kylo’s helmet and dripping down onto his suit, and for some reason the sight brings to mind the image of a drenched cat. To his credit, he doesn’t react when a breathless Rey suddenly doubles over with laughter, just waits until she eventually straightens up again before he brings one gloved hand to her face and brushes her clumpy, wet hair away.

All lingering humor evaporates into the air as she stands stock still, holding her breath as his hand slowly moves down to cup her cheek.

Rey darts her eyes down to where his lips would be as her heart rate suddenly triples, looks back to where she thinks his eyes are as her throat goes dry. The same brown eyes from before, from her dreams, flash in her mind and she finally recognizes them just as her eyes begin to flutter, gives Kylo the tiniest of nods and parts her lips even as something in her hesitates–

He caresses her cheek with his thumb, and then drops his hand back to his side. “Call a car. I’ll make sure you get home safely.”

She blinks, eyes still stuck on his mask as he presses something – her soaking wet backpack – into her hands. “Wait, what–”

Kylo’s gone with a single leap into the night sky, black leather impossible to pick out in the darkness.

And Rey, Rey is left alone to deal with the same old frustration and loneliness she’s taken to bed with her for the past two years.

Two weeks pass without any sign of Kylo at their usual haunts. She’d be wary of another months-long disappearance, but every other day her Twitter feed is spammed by pictures of him going about his vigilante business all over town. He’s saving little old ladies from muggers, he’s dropping off criminals at the precinct’s doorstep, he’s sneaking into top-floor offices to ‘liberate’ incriminating evidence… he’s everywhere except their usual haunts, running into everyone but her. Part of Rey – a huge part of her, really – wants to feel angry and betrayed and sad, but… but she’s got better things to focus on.

Like the fact that the top dogs in the Guavian Death Gang are now hanging around The Outpost. Plus her article about imposter syndrome has now been trending for three days straight. And she’s pretty sure Ben’s been leaving muffins on her desk every morning.

That last one is on her mind as she wraps up another late-night meeting with Amilyn after her third stake-out – sans Kylo Ren, who apparently can’t be bothered anymore. “Hey, Amilyn?” Rey hesitates at her editor’s door, hugging her files close to her chest.

“Yes?”

She turns away from the door and walks back into the office. “Can I… can I ask you about Ben?”

Amilyn gives her a knowing smile. “He’s quite a looker, isn’t he?”

Oh yes, so much so that her subconscious has decided to give dream Kylo his eyes and hair, but there’s no need to tell her editor that. “No, that’s not– well, I mean, yes, but– it’s not about that,” she declares firmly, slumping into her previous seat even as Amilyn raises one delicate brow in skepticism. “It’s just… when I first started here, I heard some stuff about him. A lot of stuff, really, from almost everyone here. But now that he’s actually here, none of that really matches up.”

“Oh?” Amilyn asks, leaning forward as her eyes gleam with interest.

“He’s… he’s sweet,” Rey mumbles, looking down at her hands as her cheeks heat up. “And he does these things… just little things, really, but…”

“Ben…” her editor sighs after a moment of silence. “Ben’s never been the friendliest person, but he has so much to offer once he warms up to someone; I wish the rest of the office could see that. But I will say there has been a change since his father passed away.”

“His…” Rey gapes at her. “His father passed away?”

Amilyn frowns. “That’s the reason he was on leave, dear. I mean, we all referred to it as family business, but I thought everyone knew.”

“Well, no one told me.” But then again, it’s not exactly the kind of thing you just throw into casual conversation, and it’s not like Rey had ever asked. She’d been told on her first day that the news editor was taking some personal time off, and that had been that. “Oh my god, poor Ben.”

“At the risk of sounding indelicate… I honestly think this might be one of the best things that ever happened to him.”

Rey finds herself staring at her boss, completely speechless.

“It sounds awful, I know,” Amilyn hurries to explain, “but they never had the best relationship. In fact, Ben used to come talk to me all the time because he had no one else to turn to and his father was so overbearing it drove him up the wall. But ever since he came back, he’s been… lighter. Freer, I think, and maybe even happier.” She offers Rey a shrug. “But that’s just my opinion.”

“Right,” Rey says faintly, her mind elsewhere as she tries to process this information and make it fit with the rest of the puzzles pieces she’s collected so far. So Ben had a bad relationship with his father, but it’d taken him three months to deal with his death. And she’s heard all kinds of things about him since she first joined Raddus, but maybe all of that is outdated now that Amilyn says he’s changed? And are the muffins – and the shy little smiles he gives her when they catch each other’s eye – part of that new change?

Hell, the first day they met, when they bumped into each other and he so rudely walked away – had she been too quick to judge? Maybe he just wasn’t prepared to talk to anyone yet, maybe he was overwhelmed by being back at work after so long, maybe he was thinking about his father…

As always, Ben Snoke remains a giant question mark in her mind. Everything about him – from the sudden change in his behavior towards her to his appearance in her dreams – confuses the hell out of Rey. She gets up and bids Amilyn good night in a daze, completely distracted by her reframing of every interaction they’ve ever had. It’s only when she hears the clatter of someone dropping a spoon into the sink that Rey looks up and sees a light on in the upstairs breakroom.

Somehow, she knows who she’ll find in there before she even decides to check it out.

“Another after-hours meeting with Amilyn?” Ben asks as she appears in the doorway, large hands wrapped around a steaming cup of coffee as he leans against the kitchen counter.

“Yeah, I, um… couldn’t wait to get her approval on this article about… poisonous butterflies?” Rey offers weakly, internally cursing her complete inability to lie for the thousandth time. This is exactly why she’s hesitant to move into the undercover work part of her investigation.

Ben stares her down.

“What?” she demands defensively even as her skin prickles under his observation.

“You’re hiding something, Rey Niima,” he announces casually as he lifts his cup to his lips.

Rey’s heart stops. “Am not,” she shoots back unthinkingly, only for Ben to laugh and shake his head at her.

“I saw you, you know. The other night at The Outpost. You need to be more careful.”

Oh, this is bad. This is so, so bad. “How did you– who else– wait.” Her panic comes to a screeching halt as she narrows her eyes at him. “What were you doing at a strip club on the wrong side of town?”

“I–” Ben hesitates, falters, falls silent for a beat as Rey watches his throat work. “Why else?” he finally says with a rueful little grin on his lips, but–

“That doesn’t make any sense,” Rey confidently refutes as she walks further into the breakroom.

Ben laughs, a curt little puff of air that’s more self-deprecating than amused. “I’m a single, straight man, Rey. I’m pretty sure it makes all the sense in the world–”

Rey shakes her head. “You do realize there are at least ten people in this office who’d jump at the chance to get with you, right?” she asks with a frown. Actually, now that she thinks about it, Ben probably doesn’t spend nearly enough time with them to see the way Poe’s always checking his ass out or hear the things Jess says about climbing him like a tree. “You don’t actually have to–”

“What about you?” Ben asks abruptly as a flush creeps up his neck and stains his cheeks pink. Oh. He’s shy. That’s… strangely adorable, made all the more so by the fact that she catches sight of one red ear when he runs a hand through his hair.

“Me?” Rey blinks. Oh. The strip club. “You know, I just happened to be in the area–”

Ben cuts her off almost immediately, and she can’t even blame him; in a lifetime of bad lies, that one might actually be bad enough to make it into the Hall of Fame. “No, not that. I meant… what about you? Would you… would you jump at the chance?”

For the second time in less than ten minutes, Rey’s heart stops.

But this time… this time it’s not ice-cold fear that fills her veins and lungs. This time, it’s butterflies in her stomach.

“Oh.”

Ben sets down his coffee without looking away from her. “Or not. You don’t have to, you know, jump at the chance, just maybe consider it–”

“Oh.”

This is… this is unexpected. This is new. Worst of all, this is nice, and Rey can feel herself starting to smile, and how dare her stomach get butterflies over someone other than–

“Never mind,” Ben mumbles, looking down at his feet. “Just forget it. Sorry. That was stupid of me, I’m just… I mean, I’m no Kylo Ren–”

He gives Rey as wide a breadth as possible as he walks past her, and all she can do is watch, paralyzed by the mention of Kylo, by the reminder–

The reminder of what? Of how she’d put herself out there only to be left wanting? Of dreams that’ll never be anything more? Of almost-moments that he always shies away from at the last second? Of two years of waiting, and hoping, and dreaming like a foolish, deluded child scaring off one prospective family after another because she couldn’t go with them, couldn’t leave, not before her real family came back–

No. No. Rey’s ruined her life once before waiting on a dream, and she swore to herself years ago that she’d never make that mistake again.

So she turns around and lunges after Ben, wraps her fingers around his wrist and tugs.

“You’re no vigilante superhuman,” she agrees, voice weak and wavering but growing more certain with every word, with every passing moment, “but you’re something better.”

Ben turns around and looks at her with stars in his eyes, and it hurts because all she’s ever wanted was for Kylo to look at her that way but she doesn’t know if he even looks at her at all, will never know how he looks at her or how he feels about her or anything.

But Ben… Ben looks at her like she’s a little miracle, and Ben leaves muffins at her desk, and Ben stops by sometimes to teasingly rib her for her latest listicle.

Ben is real, and here, and he wants her. He wants her.

So Rey takes a deep breath, and lets go of everything she’s held onto for so long. “Kylo… Kylo Ren’s great and all, but he’s… he’s a fantasy, isn’t he? He’s like a Marvel superhero or a Disney prince, something everyone wants, something out of a dream. It’s a nice dream,” she acknowledges, taking a second to remember it fondly before she shatters it to pieces.

“But that’s all it’ll ever be,” Rey finally admits to herself, and even as a part of her dies there’s a bigger part that can finally breathe again.

“But–” Ben begins to say just as Rey steps closer and moves her hand up to his forearm.

“He’s a fantasy,” she says again, and the words come easier this time. “But you…you’re something better, Ben. You’re real.”

Ben stares at her for the longest time. He’s holding his breath, she can tell, and he’s looking at her like she’s the single most terrifying thing he’s ever seen, and his bare skin under her fingertips is better than any dream she’s ever had.

And then finally he speaks, words spilling past him in a single breath. “Would you like to go out sometime?”

Rey smiles, and slowly, hesitantly, so does Ben.

“How about this Saturday?”

Three days before her date with Ben, Rey goes on one final stake-out. It’s the last one, she promises herself, no more getting scared or backing down after this, it’s high time for her to move on to stage two–

A hand covers her mouth.

“I see someone’s back for more.”

This time, Rey swats his hand away and scowls at him.

“And I see someone’s finally deigned to grace me with his presence,” Rey bites back, pausing just long enough to give him a scowl before she turns back to her target.

She told herself she wouldn’t do this, wouldn’t let Kylo catch on to any changes in her, but now that she’s buried all… pleasant thoughts about him deep, deep down, there’s nothing to distract her from the nights she wasted hanging around a closed museum, waiting and hoping and worrying, only to finally trudge home with disappointment weighing her down…

When Kylo steps closer, her throat fills with unexpected bitterness. It’s not his fault that she’d allowed herself to be a delusional, pining fool for two years, not his fault that she’d taken his obviously casual flirting as something more, but all the same she hates him for being able to make her feel things just by stepping into her personal space.

“Rey, about last time–”

She tenses and grits her teeth, keeps her eyes fixed on the club. “Don’t–”

And that’s when The Outpost explodes into a million pieces of flaming shrapnel, a significant amount of which seems to be headed in her direction.

Kylo pulls her behind him before any of the burning projectiles can make contact, and within seconds he’s sweeping her into a bridal carry and getting them the hell out of there. He stares straight ahead, completely focused on navigating the darkness at high speed, leaving Rey to look up at the harsh angles of his mask as a lump forms in her throat.

Their first meeting had gone a little something like this too. A disgruntled former employee of First Order Funds had threatened to blow up the entire financial district, and the city watched on in slack-jawed shock as the Knights of Ren, previously spotted only in grainy security footage in the dead of night, showed up in the middle of the day to handle the threat. Most people were happy to watch the event play out in the safety of their homes, news chopper footage streaming live on their phones, but of course Rey hadn’t been prepared to let this chance pass her by.

While the police set up an evacuation parameter and enforced it, Rey stealthily crept closer and closer to the action until finally she was just ten feet away from Armitage Hux’s turned back, half-hidden behind a car as she fiddled with her phone and looked up–

Only to find Kylo Ren looking at her. Well, at the time it had been hard to tell, what with the mask and all, but somehow Rey just knew he was looking directly at her – which is probably why he moved towards her the second Hux hit the detonator and quickly scooped her up before he set himself to the impossible task of outrunning the flames that were rapidly consuming one closely-packed building after another.

As soon as he deemed them far enough, he set her down and called her an idiot, and she poked him in the chest and called him a monster, and they’ve been something like friends ever since.

Or more.

Rey loses herself in her memories and only comes to when Kylo starts snapping his fingers in front of her face. They’re far from the club now – she can’t even see the fire – and at some point he must’ve set her down because she’s back on her own two feet, a safe distance away from him.

“Rey, are you even listening? You need to stop doing this, it’s too dangerous–”

She bristles at that. “This is my job, Kylo. And you don’t get to tell me what I can and cannot do,” Rey states with a scowl as she crosses her arms over her chest. The nerve of him, honestly. Too dangerous. If it hadn’t been for him distracting her, she would’ve spotted the bomb and gotten the hell out of there in time. Perfectly fine, and with her scoop, and all without Kylo Ren.

Who softens at her words and curls a warm hand around her waist. “Sweetheart, please. I just… I don’t know how I’d live with myself if something were to happen to you.”

Even through the modulator she can hear the sincerity in his voice; even through the mask she can see the concern in his eyes. It’s everything she’s ever dreamed of…

And it’s about two weeks too late.

Rey shrugs his arm off and steps away, steels herself for her next words. “You… you shouldn’t touch me like that anymore. Or say stuff like that.”

Kylo steps forward. “Oh?”

“Yeah,” Rey nods. “I’m… I’m seeing someone now. Well, I mean, not yet, our first date is on Saturday–”

“How exciting,” he says, and the truly awful thing about it is that he means it – she can hear the smile in his voice, the teasing note that isn’t all too different from the one her friends had used to react to her news.

It shouldn’t hurt as much as it does – the realization that Kylo really doesn’t care, that maybe he never cared at all. Why should it matter to her, after all, when she’s already let go of him and is truly, genuinely excited for her date with Ben?

“Yeah, so, um… this, us–” Except there was never even as us to begin with, was there? “– we should stop. I just, I really like this guy, and I’d hate for him to see pictures of me running around with masked men in the middle of the night, you know?”

The only thing that assuages her guilt is that she really, truly means that. No matter how confused she is about her feelings right now, she knows with absolute certainty that she would never want to hurt Ben that way.

“I understand,” Kylo assures her. He’s much more serious this time, but there’s still that hint of a smile in his voice, completely devoid of disappointment or jealousy or hurt…

But that’s not what Rey wants, anyway. She’s not some high-schooler trying to use jealousy to bait her crush into making a move. She’s a grown woman setting boundaries with her… work friend? Acquaintance? Almost-lover?

It’s all too much to think about, especially here and now. “Thanks,” she tells Kylo. “Okay, I… I’m just going to go now.”

He nods. “Get home safe, sweetheart.”

She always does. He always makes sure she does, and something tells Rey that’s not about to change. After all, as far as he’s concerned nothing’s changed between them.

But then, just as she’s about to turn away–

“Rey?” Kylo reaches for her wrist, his voice unusually gentle. “He’s… he’s a lucky guy, your date. I hope it works out for you two.”

He’s not you, Rey almost says. He’ll never be you… but I’m starting to be okay with that. Instead, she gently withdraws her hand from Kylo’s and gives him a small smile. “Yeah, me too.”

A moment passes between them, one last chance for either of them to say something.

“Good night, Rey.”

And then it’s over.

Rey nods and turns her back on him. “Goodbye, Kylo.”

Oops, it's been a week. In case y'all were wondering, this is why I usually stick with one-shots.

Another reason I stay away from multi-chapters: more opportunities to mess up and ruin the story! I'm really uncertain about this chapter and how fast things are moving (and that's after I adjusted my original outline and tried to slow things down), so I really, really hope I haven't messed up. Oh well, in any case: it'll all be over soon, friends. Only one chapter left!

As always, thank you so much for reading and I hope you liked it. And please don’t hesitate to like/reblog/comment!

[waypathfinder]

Crimson Lane - Chapter 4 - Uninvited

Moodboard by @ashtyntaytertot  Beta’d by @kathknight and @ashtyntaytertot

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Chapter Text 

The shower tiles were cold as steel slabs.  Rey leaned into them as she stared at the stark white ceiling, gashed with cracked paint. Scalding water dripped over her skin, making her shoulders and chest flush with a crimson burn.

Grey water pooled at her feet, bubbling with soap. She had lathered herself in it—all over her body, inside her—everywhere.

And yet she’d never felt so filthy.

She turned off the tap and stepped out amidst vapours of steam. Overheated and sluggish, she wrapped a towel around her body, and another folded in a tight cover over her hair. She moved on autopilot, her mind trapped in the events of the night before.

Flashes of ecstasy, smouldering eyes, gentle touches, rough thrusts, and a haunted face, stacked together in a kaleidoscope of sights and sensations.

To be honest, she was still in shock. Last night’s experience had rocked her, from being fucked by that soulless robot, to being held so tenderly and … yeah, that. Whatever that was.

In the kitchen, her phone was ringing.

She peered at it, hesitating to even touch it.

Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. It vibrated loudly on the bench, the name on the caller ID: Phasma — Brothel

She needed to answer that call...

Buzz. Buzz. Buzz.

She picked it up, holding it a fair distance away from her ear and with her bottom lip caught firmly within her teeth, pressed “accept”.

“Hello?”

“Rey, It’s Phasma. I’ve called you three times this morning already. Are you ignoring me?”

“No, of course not. I was in the shower—”

“It doesn’t matter. What time are you coming in today?”

“Coming In?” Rey gulped, quashing down the way her stomach did nauseating somersaults. “I thought you didn’t need me tonight, seeing as—”

“I’m not paying you $200 an hour to sit on your arse at home! There’s plenty else you can do other than sleep with guys. It’s a full house this evening, and we’re booked back to back. I need you in here at 5 pm or don’t bother picking up your paycheque this week.”

A feeling of cold water washed over Rey’s head.

“Are you coming or not, Rey?” Phasma asked.

Rey swallowed and looked at the spring-flower calendar she had bought from the dollar shop.

“Well?” Phasma snapped again.

“Yes, yes,” Rey almost stumbled over her words —  just one month —the silent promise was her secret mantra, clinging to her every negative thought and fear.

She could do this. She  had  to do this. And with a deep breath made one more promise. “I’ll be there.”

The night passed in a blur.

A gag-inducing, revolting blur of lap-dances, massages with a happy ending, and giving head to guys that made her skin crawl.

Phasma had worked her harder than any of the other girls, a game of Russian roulette that neither of them would back down from.

But there was one thing Phasma hadn’t counted on.

Rey was a survivor. And by God, she would survive this. She hadn’t lived on the street, scavenging meal scraps through her teenage years, just to give up at the first sign of hard work.

So every hour, Rey marched down the stairs, dressed in some ridiculous fetish costume to ask which client would be next. Phasma’s perfectly shaped brow arched at the sight of Rey each time, daring her to give up.

Not a chance .

It was exhausting work, and Rey had spent more than one trip to the toilet dry-heaving in utter misery.

The only clients she could think about without wanting to projectile vomit was the guy who wanted nothing else than to watch her eat pizza. He wasn’t too bad, as long as she didn’t focus on his dopey, slack-jawed expression, and the way his arm straddled between his legs, pumping wildly.

Then there was financial domination Thomas, who’d insisted she tie him up while she robbed him blind by going on a shopping spree courtesy of his credit card. He could come back again.

But mostly, her clients were walk-ins: drunk, bored and horny loners who wanted nothing more than to watch her, suck her, and grind their bodies up against her.

There was only one rule:  no penetration.

All ages, all sizes, one after the other, they came through the doors, scouring over the menu before pointing to Rey, and following her up the stairs.

None of them was anything like Kylo Ren.

And whether that was a good or bad thing, Rey had no idea.

All she knew was by Friday night she would be with him again. Most likely pinned beneath him like some kind of limp sex doll.

Dappled light streamed through naked beech trees into the courtyard of the Taco-dana Restaurant, as serving staff bustled around the tables in their subtle black slacks and white t-shirts, taking orders and placing oversized sombreros on eager children, and the occasional adult.

Kylo Ren shifted uncomfortably in the coal-coloured wicker chair, his knees bumping the table as he tried to stretch his legs underneath it. Snoke had insisted on the restaurant, and they’d travelled half an hour to get here in place of their usual lunch spot.

That alone was enough to put Kylo on edge.

“Comfortable?” Snoke asked with a smirk that created smile-lines beneath his eyes.

“Of course,” Kylo lied. “Why the new place?”

“I like the scenery,” Snoke gazed around the courtyard nonchalantly, but Kylo noted the way his pale blue eyes never stopped searching the faces around him.

“Funny. I never pictured you as a ‘scenery’ guy.”

“I appreciate beauty as much as any man.” Snoke’s lips curled into a sneer. “I dare say as much as  you  do, Kylo.”

Their eyes met again and Snoke smiled at him. A chill darted through Kylo’s veins.  What was this?  Snoke turned on his favourites as easy as flicking the lights off, and everybody was expendable. Even him.

“So, how was your evening the other night? Phasma mentioned you came in,” Snoke asked, his words smooth and venomously friendly.

“Fine,” Kylo answered brusquely.

“You had the new girl, didn’t you? I haven’t had the pleasure yet. How was she?”

“Fine, like I said.” Kylo looked away indifferently, but inside his heart was racing.

Snoke laughed. “She must have been more than ‘fine’. By all accounts, you booked her out for the entire week!”

“What of it?”

“It’s just curious. You’ve never shown a preference for any of my girls before.”

“There was no preference. She was nothing special. I have a boring week ahead and—”

Snoke looked up at that, eyes narrowing. “ Boring? ”

Kylo froze. That was the wrong word to use.

“Have you forgotten what your job is this week?”

“Of course not.” Kylo swallowed down a lump in his throat, drying his sweating hands on his thighs.

“There can be no screw ups on this one, Kylo.”

“There won’t be. San Tekka is due to arrive tomorrow night and everything is prepared,” Kylo said, working hard to keep his voice from wavering. “He’s a dead man.”

“And yet you’ve booked this girl for the same evening.”

“I like to unwind afterwards.”

Snoke stared at him unmoved, those baleful eyes never shifting from him. Kylo could feel them peeling back his layers, cutting deep into his words, his mannerisms, the speed of his breath, and even the rate of his pulse.

Kylo worked to blank any expression from his face. Snoke knew he could find the truth there, in those subtle micro-expressions that always betrayed him.

Snoke laughed, an undulating wave that carried through the courtyard. Light enough for Kylo to relax.

In the periphery of his vision, Kylo noticed a waiter approaching. He didn’t bother looking over at her until the sweet British accent filled the air around him.

“Hi there. My name is Rey and I’ll be your server today, can I start you off with some drinks?”

Fuck! Kylo avoided her gaze, devouring the menu below as if it was some kind of sacred text.

Snoke began. “A black coffee for myself, and my friend here will have…?”

He let his words hang in the air, pulling Kylo into the conversation.

Kylo looked up at her, blank and indifferent.  “Just give me a cup of water, no ice.”

Rey froze at the sight of him, her lips parting in shock. The pen between her fingers slipped to the floor although she didn’t notice.

“Do you need me to repeat it?” Kylo asked, forcing an edge of aggression into his voice.

She flushed, the bloom of colour spreading onto her cheeks, down her neck, and dipping beneath her shirt.  

“Water and a black coffee.” She slid her notebook into the pocket of her slacks. “Got it. I’ll be right back.”

She turned and sped away from them as Kylo watched her go, realising his eyes had lingered on her far too long.

Snoke chuckled as she left.

“What the hell is this?” Kylo asked, turning back to face his boss.

“I just want to make sure you’re not straying again,” Snoke purred, a smile breaking across his face, exposing his yellow-stained teeth, gold fillings glinted in the light.

Kylo’s heart raced, blood rushing through his body like a boiling rapid. “So it was all a test?”

“Do you think you passed?”

“You’re a perverted fuck, you know that?” Kylo spat.

“Stop! it hurts too much!” Snoke cried with a high voice, struggling between fits of laughter. “She played her part well I thought.”

Kylo’s eyes stung, unsure which betrayal was worse, Snoke’s or the girl’s, or the fact he had fallen for it all. Muscles twitched beneath his eye and he bit on the inside of his lip, turning away to hide the emotions fast betraying his features. “I can’t fucking believe this.”

“And what did you do to her? God, I almost vomited when she phoned me. How could you defile yourself in such a way?”

“Shut up.” Kylo gripped the menu, his skin blanching at the knuckles. He’d been fucking played.

He tried to breathe, to meet Snoke’s gaze without hesitation but his vision faltered. Rage, deep within, building, burning, churning like a storm breaking. He squeezed his eyes shut, the motion producing bursts of white light beneath his lids before he opened them again to face him. “What is your point?”

“The point is you are unbalanced. What is it about this girl that makes you so incapable of being a man?” he spat out the last word with utter disgust. “And to think after all these years, she still—”

After all these years? Kylo looked up, his heart stopping.

“Yes Kylo, don’t pretend you didn’t know.”

He didn’t. There was something the other night that triggered him, the faintest flicker of a memory, a fleeting feeling of déjà vu the moment those hazel eyes pleaded into his own to stop. It had stunned him, to say the least. But…  Fuck!. His hands trembled as he clutched them together.

“Kira,” Kylo said breathlessly, slumping in his chair with defeat.

“She’s changed her name now—obviously,” Snoke leaned back in his chair, fanning his fingers together before his chin like a Machiavellian mastermind. “Turns out there isn’t much she won’t do for a bit of cash.”

After everything he had done this had come back to haunt him. His dark gaze wandered over to the coffee machine, noting the way her palms rubbed at her eyes, the way she clutched the bench where she worked. Her lips were pale and her cheeks sallow. She was exhausted.

“You think she is beautiful?” Snoke asked with a velvet voice.

“Yes,” the word escaped him, hushed and low. It was automatic, forced out of him at a question he couldn’t deny. Maybe not in the traditional sense, but there was a fiery spirit in those embattled eyes that was attractive to him. Not to mention, the way loose strands of hair fell across the sun-kissed brow, her child-like freckles, her athletic body and the way it felt beneath his …

Yes, she was beautiful in his eyes. Far too much so.

“Just think, if you had done as I asked you might have had her much earlier. She could have been your own. I would have gladly gifted her to you. A reward for work well done.”

Kylo was silent, gaze still fixed on her. “Why are you doing this? I’ve given you everything I proved—”

Snoke reached his hand towards him, reaching out in a fatherly gesture, but Kylo just looked at the pale disfigured mass on the table with disgust. “I’m trying to help you son. To show you they all lie. Your parents…  your uncle… this girl… But I will never lie to you. That is my promise.

“I have sensed in you these past few years a loss of purpose. Ever since that night, you have questioned your path, your worth. We are on the cusp of something great together you and I. But I worry your compassion for this girl is part of a larger epidemic.  And with the Santecker job coming up this week, I don’t know if I can trust you any more to pull it off.”

Snoke paused for effect, tucking a serviette beneath his chin. “And if I can’t trust you—”

Snoke glowered in the direction of Rey, holding his sentence unfinished. “You know more than most that things don’t go so well for people when I lose my trust in them.”

“I told you,” Kylo leant forward, his voice in a loud hiss. “I will do what you asked me.”

“I know you will,” Snoke relaxed.

Kylo’s gaze returned to Rey, the gravity of her presence pulling him toward her.

“Oh, and here.” Snoke slipped his right hand into his pocket, searching around for something. “If you doubt me about her. Search for her old name using this. I’m sure you’ll find it very … enlightening.”

“I think your coffee is done!” Jess Pava laughed, bumping Rey along with her elbow.

“Huh?” Rey jumped, realising she’d been staring into the distance with one hand gripped on the portafilter of the coffee machine and the other holding a full cup of black coffee beneath it. “Oh shit. Sorry, I was lost in thought.”

“Yeah, so I see.” Jess leaned forward, switching off the grinder. “You look terrible, what’s wrong?”

“I’m okay, just a little tired.” Right on cue, Rey’s mouth gaped open in a slow yawn, causing her eyes to water and her shoulders to hunch. “Hey, Jess, how much do you love me?”

“Not much,” Jess deadpanned, as she steamed a jug of milk.

“Is it enough to take table 20?”

“That depends,” Jess drawled as she turned an appraising eye to where Rey pointed. “Ew, creepy bald guy, no thank you.”

Rey sighed resolutely, dying a little inside.

“Wait, hold on!” Jess raised her hand, a mischievous smile lighting up her heart-shaped face. “Look at his friend though. Did someone order tall, dark and mysterious?”

“Not me,” Rey added sharply, leaning back against the counter with arms folded.

“You can’t tell me you wouldn’t want to wake up to next to that in the morning. I mean, look at the size of him. I can only imagine how big his—”

“Oh God, don’t even say it,” Rey cried, the blush on her face blotching all over again. “Trust me when I tell you that guy needs a complete personality reversal and possibly many years of therapy before he is anything close to passable.”  

“And he’s hot as—why are you bailing?”

Rey bit her lip, shoulders slumping at the question. That was one story she was not prepared to share, even with her closest girlfriend. “ Please  Jess, I’m begging you. I’ll give you my tips for the day.”

Jess clicked her tongue, pulling the clipboard of table bookings towards her from the counter. “Alastair Snoke. Table for two.”

Rey’s heart plunge into the cold tiled floor.

“What did you say?”

“The guy you were serving, Alastair Snoke. Do you know him?”

“No,” Rey breathed, clutching her stomach as a wave of nausea radiated through her body. “Please Jess, I can’t—”

Jess put a hand on Rey’s shoulder. “Listen, if you can take their order while I settle up some accounts, I will take it from there.”

“Thank you! I owe you, Jess.”

“You owe me an explanation!” Jess said a little too loudly. “Now get over there. Tall, dark and mysterious has been staring at you this whole time.”

Rey’s feet shuffled along burnt orange tiles as she slowly made her way to table 20. Snoke and Kylo were deep in conversation, they hadn’t even noticed her coming towards them.

Snoke leaned across the table like a hook-necked vulture leering towards its prey. Rey shuddered as she came closer to him, his bald head scabbed with skin cancers, crusted and corroded. Her throat closed at the way his yellow-stained fingers scratched along the table towards Kylo.

There was something too unsettling about the image before her, it almost felt …  violating  in some way. Even more so, when she noticed how Kylo leaned away from him, his face surly and his stormy eyes glued to the floor.

Mr Snoke will want to try her out, Phasma’s words banged in her head. The reality of that statement sent a visceral fear down Rey’s spine. It wasn’t even Snoke’s looks that bothered her so much, or his tall, spindly body draped in a sleazy gold-satin shirt. No, there was something far more menacing beneath the surface. An unspoken thing. Invisible but ever present and unnatural

Not safe. The words spiralled in her mind over and over again. Years surviving alone, having no-one to watch out for her or keep her safe mean she had recognised it almost instantly.  Snoke was a predator.

Had Kylo Ren tried to protect her that night? Was he protecting her still?

She came up to the table and cleared her throat. “Are you ready to order?”

Snoke beamed at her with a crooked smile, carefully watching the reactions of his companion. “I think we both know what we want, don’t we?”

Kylo dragged his head up, right eye twitching as he looked between them. If rage was a tactile thing, she was sure she could have felt it all around him.

“Let me see, I think I’ll have the enchiladas, with extra chilli,” Snoke said.

“Sure,” Rey repeated the order back to him until a rogue yawn escaped her once more. She smiled awkwardly, covering her mouth and apologising.

“Young Rey, late night was it?” Snoke asked.

“You could say that.” Rey jotted down his order, holding her pen so tightly the words came out in a messy scribble. “And you?”

Kylo snapped the menu shut with a loud slap, and this time he looked up at her with resolve. A look exchanged between the two men as Kylo gave his order with a tenuous sneer. “I’ll have a stuffed taco.”

Rey stiffened at the private joke and Snoke chortled. With lips pursed she read back his order, venom lacing every word. “And what kind of meat would you like in your stuffed taco?”

“Ladies choice,” he said lazily, eyes meeting hers again, unblinking.

She met his gaze, head keening to the side as she stared daggers at him. “For you, I’d recommend the crab.”

Snoke laughed out loud, while Kylo simpered in her direction. She felt her face glowing, at their attention, hot tears razored the corners of her eyes. “Is that everything?”

Kylo nodded, but as she turned to leave Snoke’s voice arrested her again.

“Wait, come back here child,” the old man cooed at her, hooking his finger as though to lure her in. Rey hesitated,

“Come here, I said,” his voice was flatter this time, and far deeper. Rey took a slow step closer to Snoke, her shoulder curving forward protectively.

“I’ve changed my mind. I like the idea of that stuffed taco too.”

Rey felt her body shaking, she clasped her hand upon her elbow anchoring it. “Fine, I’ll change your order.”

“Extra hot, remember?”

She nodded slightly and turned away as she felt long fingers sweep across her arse.

“Don’t you touch me again,” she hissed at him, head pounding as blood rushed through her body.

Snoke laughed. “Don’t be angry with me, Rey. You had something there. I was merely trying to clean you up. You want to look pretty for your next customer, don’t you?”

The table moved, a shuddering scrape as though it had been kicked and Rey finally breathed again. She snatched the menu from Snoke, her chin creasing and her breath coming in uneven waves. And then she turned to Kylo, reaching for his menu but it wouldn’t move, his fingers locked around it in a steel grip.

“I’ll take that for you,” she said quietly, but he wasn’t listening. Head bowed, dark curtains of hair falling across his temple and cheeks, and then she noticed his eyes, they had almost changed colour, they were so black and focused. She pulled it away again, and he released it suddenly, causing her to stumble backwards. It was the only thing to break him from his concentration.

She turned away from them and didn’t look back. Throwing the order into the kitchen on the way before bolting out the back doors before anyone could call her back.

Behind the restaurant, in a gloomy alley bound by faded graffiti-lined walls, Rey sat crouched in a sitting fetal position. She had backed into an alcove, curling her body to fit in the small space, just as she had done as a child on the street.

Her fingers madly tapped onto her phone, searching for any kind of distraction that might stop her head from exploding. She rubbed her eyes, roughly wiping away the hot tears threatening to spill over.

But she wasn’t going to cry, not over them. She wasn’t going to cry over anyone.

The smell of rotting food wafted through the laneway, radiating from the steel bins lining the backside of the restaurant. Rey wrinkled her nose as she continued playing with her phone until the screen went blank.

Damn! Rey rubbed her eyes harder this time. She certainly wasn't going back in there to get her charger, not while he was--

Rey jumped as a loud crash bellowed through the narrow alleyway like the sound of metal smashing into the wall.

She sat bolt upright, just in time to see another metal bin fly past her, spewing its contents all over the street. She jumped out, just as a lid flew past her like a frisbee, narrowly missing her shoulder.

“What the hell are you doing?” she shrieked.

Kylo Ren froze, body trembling, muscles twitching, wide-eyed and wild.

Their gaze met in the gloomy shadows and Rey stopped herself from looking away. There was so much intensity in the way he looked at her. She took a step back, shrinking away from him.

“What are you doing back here?” he demanded.

She gaped at the sharp tone in his words. “You better clean that up!” She shouted, pointing to the rubbish spread all over the alleyway.

He glanced at the mess around him, his lips puckering as he considered his answer. Which of course was silence.

“You worked last night?” He changed the subject.

“Phasma wants me to earn my keep.” Rey leaned against the wall, rolling her eyes. “Apparently, there’s plenty of other work to be done that doesn’t involve ...  penetration. ”

Kylo stiffened, his hands clenched into fists at the base of his sleeves. “I’ll fucking kill that bitch.”

“Right,” Rey stretched the word, feeling like she had found some exposed wound that she could irritate. “Let me guess … psychotic tendencies?”

“Anger issues.” Kylo smiled sardonically as he took a step closer, edging on the boundary of her personal space. “No one else was supposed to touch you.”

“I don’t need your protection,” Rey hissed.

“I’m not protecting you. I’m keeping what belongs to me.”

“You’re a monster! Both you and your fucking boss."

Kylo stared at her, lips parting softly as he took another step closer, forcing her to crane her neck to look at him. His eye twitched again, lips tightening into a thin line.

Bring it on, she thought. “How dare you both come down here and—“

“I didn’t know you worked here,” he snapped at her.

“Well don’t you dare come back here again,  ever!” she cried, her voice shrill and unsteady.

Kylo turned away from her robotically, making his way back to the restaurant as though her emotions were nothing. But she wasn’t done yet.

“And another thing. You don’t own me. You don’t own any part of me. If you ever—“

“You’re right!” he spat. “I don’t own you. Snoke does. And once you finish spying for him you can crawl right back to him.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“You told him what happened between us the other night,” he hissed, pointing his finger to her chest menacingly. “I  know, Rey. I know about the whole fucking thing.”

She gaped, completely blindsided. She had never seen or spoken to Snoke in her life, where was he even getting—

“And you’re wrong about one thing.” He towered over her even closer now, squaring his shoulders and straightening his back so she could take in his full height and mass.

“I own your nights.” He lifted his hand to her face, gently brushing his thumb across her lower lip. “Every fucking one of them.”

She bit him on the thumb, hard enough that he pulled it away with an audible curse. Then she pulled her hand back, torpedoing it to slap him hard across the face but he grabbed her wrist yanking it away from him, leaving himself vulnerable. Suddenly, her knee shot up, sharply hitting him in the groin. Kylo stiffened, a muffled groan come out of his mouth and his eyes watered, but that was all, no buckling over or howling in pain. He only released her, rubbing his hand along his jaw.

Rey braced herself for the repercussions, but she was startled to see him smiling at her.

“What’s so amusing?” she demanded.

“You learned to fight after all,” he said, face blank of expressions. “I wasn’t sure you would.”

Rey looked confused. “What are you talking about?”

“Forget it, I’ll see you tonight, Rey.” Kylo turned to walk away from her, picking up a garbage lid as he went.

“I thought you weren’t coming in until Friday,” she called out after him, voice shaking much more than she wanted it to do.

“Change of plans,” he said, barely turning back to her as he replaced the lid. “And I'm planning on getting my fucking money’s worth this time.”

[dearlazerbunny]

Mistakes

Pairings: Kylo Ren x Reader

Genre/Ratings: M for mentions of suicidal intent

Words: 3800

Summary: Written for anon, who requested an angsty breakup and drunk Kylo. Anon- let me know if you like it, or if you’d like me to give it another shot! I’m still building my angst muscles, and I want it to be exactly what you want : )

From the way Kylo stalked out of the meeting room, you could tell it hadn’t gone well. You had conveniently positioned yourself at a station just outside the door so you could catch him right after he got out- meetings with Hux generally required a little emotional management afterwards, and you were the only person who ever seemed to be able to calm him down. So you stood at a terminal pretending to press buttons and waited for the inevitable explosions.

There weren’t any, thank god- just a clearly seething boyfriend who even with his mask on looked about two seconds away from Force-choking the next person in his path. You subtly slipped away from the station and positioned yourself in Kylo’s line of sight. When you were sure he saw you, you aimed for the nearest storage closet and shut the door behind you.

A few minutes later, he followed, shutting the door so hard it rattled the shelves behind you. His breathing was heavy, and you waited a few moments before carefully reaching up and finding the release buttons on his helmet, removing it and setting it on the floor beside you. His face was red, his hair wild, and you’d only seen a similar look in his eyes when he got a little too angry and threatened to go find Hux and stab him right then and there. (You’d talked him out of that one too).

“Hey. You okay?”

He stares intently at something past your shoulder like he might set it on fire through his gaze alone. “Hey. Look at me.” You tap his jaw with a finger, forcing him to make eye contact with you. “What’d General Horrible do this time?”

Usually that gets you at least a smirk, but he’s uncharacteristically quiet. Okay, so something really bad then. You try to take his hand but he yanks it away, stooping to retrieve his mask and replace it over his stony face. “I’m fine,” comes through the synthesizer, cold and impersonal. And he’s gone a second later, door swinging shut with a certain finality. You’re left watching his retreating form through the porthole. Well, that didn’t bode well.

You swapped night shifts with a friend so you could go visit Kylo instead. Making your way down the hallways, you flipped back and forth between going on the offensive (asking him to talk) or just letting him sit in silence with you curled up on the bed. Probably best to judge his mood and then decide. You key in his passcode and let the door slide open.

You’re met with his saber glowing at your throat and you throw up your hands, eyes wide. “Kylo, it’s me, stars! Put that thing away!” He holds it a few more seconds before disengaging and letting it clunk to the floor. So unlike him, this thing is his pride and joy. He wanders to the other side of the room, running his hands through his hair and tugging at the ends, and you carefully pick up the saber by the hilt and place it on the bed. “Such a warm welcome,” you joke, taking a seat on the black silk sheets. “If only everyone greeted me like they wanted to kill me.”

“What are you doing here?”

The ice in his tone takes you aback. “Um… I just thought I’d come see if you were okay. You seemed pretty pissed earlier, so I figured-”

“You shouldn’t be here.”

“I- what now? Last I checked you’re the one who gave me the code.”

“A mistake.”

“A mistake?” You stand. Suddenly the bed isn’t so comfortable. “What do you mean by that...?”

“You heard what I said.” He turns on you like you’re a Resistance member standing in his way. “It was a mistake.”

“I- Kylo-”

“No. Shut up.” He’s pacing now, back and forth. You wouldn’t be surprised if his footsteps are heard on the floor below. “I need to think.”

“Excuse me? You don’t just get to tell me to shut up, Kylo-!”

“I said shut up!” All of a sudden you’re slammed up against the wall behind you, back to steel such a sudden shock you sink to the ground, head pounding. Kylo’s hand is outstretched in your direction. You’re too busy seeing red to notice the terrified expression on his face.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” You stand on shaky legs, using the wall to support yourself. “If you don’t want me here, say so! Use your words, Kylo, don’t hide behind your stupid Force powers!”

He walks up slowly until he’s towering over you. “I don’t want you here. Leave. Now.”

“No.” He steps back, shocked, and you get right back up in his face. “Tell me what’s going on, for god’s sake! You can’t just get rid of me that easily, Kylo!”

“Yes, I can. We’re through.”

Time seems to stop. “We- what?”

“Do I need to repeat myself?”

“Yeah… yeah I think you might have to.” You carefully step back out of his space. “Is that really what you want?”

“Yes! How many times do I have to say it!”

“But- why? What did I do wrong? What did I-”

“Out!” You’re being pushed towards the door by an invisible hand, and despite the door being pneumatic, it slams behind you. Standing in the cold hallway, you feel like you’re going numb. It’s a long trek back to your ow quarters, and all you can hear is his words echoing through your head. We’re through. We’re through. We’re through.

Sitting down on your bed, you pull your knees up to your chest, trying to find something to hold on to. Reality starts to sink in. You were… done. Over. No more Kylo and you. No more Kylo.

And it didn’t feel like there’d be any more you, either.

…..

You took a few days off from work, unable to do much other than sit in your bed and cry. Luckily, once you explained what had happened in as few words as possible, the other nurses were more than happy to cover a few of your shifts. Those few days were hell though, with nothing to distract you but your own thoughts. You kept seeing the good- the first time you’d made him laugh, when he confessed his feelings, that first kiss- only for the illusion to be shattered by the fury you’d witnessed that night. I don’t want you here. We’re through. The words kept cycling through your head over and over again, with a fresh wave of tears coming forth at every round of memories.

But you couldn’t wallow in this forever. Much as you wanted to. So you pulled yourself together- took a shower for the first time in days, put on clean clothes as opposed to your tear-soaked pajamas, pulled your hair back, and went to work.

And was promptly met with another nightmare.

The entire staff was running around ragged, dealing with an apparent rapid influx of patients. There were no rooms left, and patients lined the hallways on cots, most of them moaning in pain. It was something out of a horror movie, and in your current emotional state, you wanted to run away screaming. But instead, you rolled up your sleeves, snapped on some gloves, and went to report to your supervisor.

“Y/N.” She looks up from her desk, looking absolutely haggard. “Thank god. We need everyone we’ve got.”

“What’s been going on? Some kind of virus?”

She looks at you strangely- and maybe a touch sympathetically- before her pager beeps and she sighs. “Walk with me.” You so do, through the rows of patients, as she collects vials of painkiller and seemingly distributes it to every single person on the floor. You wanted to ask what she was doing, until you noticed that every patient had bandages around their arms, torso- one even on their neck. With several, blood was slowly leaking through the white covering, and a few uses were changing bandages right there in the hallway. Curious, you subtly looked over one shoulder, trying to categorize the wound. What you saw made your heart stop.

Light saber burns and slashes.

You hurried back over to your supervisor, who was busy pushing toradol into someone’s IV. “Are they all…?”

“Light saber,” she confirmed. “All 15 of them. And we’ve got more coming, I’m sure.”

Oh, god. Kylo. What the hell are you doing?

She looks at you with stern eyes. “Look, Y/N, normally it’s none of my business, and I stay out of my staff’s personal lives. But this has got to stop. Can you talk to him? I know you’re world famous for managing his moods.’

All at once, tears begin to form in your eyes, and you hug your waist, blinking rapidly to try and clear them before they fall. “Um- no. That wouldn’t be such a good idea.”

“Y/N, I know it must be scary as hell, but if it keeps up at this rate, half the base is going to be missing an arm before the month is up.”

“We- we’re not-” to your horror, a few tears escape and slide down your cheeks. Stars, you were so sick of crying. You take a deep breath.  “I’m afraid that won’t be possible, ma’am. I’m sorry.” Your voice catches on the last word, but you try to hide it with a cough.

One look tells you your supervisor now knows exactly what’s going on, and you hate the pity that crawls across her face. “I see.” She sighs, dropping the patient’s IV tubing. “Well, go check on your roster then. Keep your head up, we don’t have time to be introspective right now.”

You grab a few vials of medication from her hand and flee, trying to wipe your eyes as subtly as possible.

……

“No, no- stop!” You toss and turn, trying to shove Kylo away from you. “Stop it! Stop saying that!” Heaving, you sit up in bed, almost hitting your head against the top of your bunk. Salt has worked its way down your cheeks and it stings a cut on your lip. You must have bitten it in your sleep. Damn him. You wipe your eyes and turn your damp pillow over to a dry side, throwing your head down onto it. Damn him, damn him, damn him. It’s been a month and he’s still in your head. Only when you shove the blankets off you in frustration do you notice the banging on your door, loud and obnoxious against the steel. You check the clock- 4AM. And you’re sure it’s not your shift. Doing a quick check to make sure your eyes aren’t too red, you throw on a t-shirt and put your hand to the scanner to open the door-

And promptly get knocked to the floor underneath a hulking mass of black.

“What the fuck- Kylo?” You scramble out from underneath him, which is kind of hard when your leg is pinned underneath his torso. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Y/N.” He looks up at you from his spot on the floor, face to the ceiling. “Hi.”

“Um- hi?” Carefully, you skirt to the edge of the room, leaving him in the center of the room. “What- what are you doing?”

“I needed to talk to you.”

“So you do it by breaking down my door? I’m not even on shift, go get one of the other nurses to help you.”

“Not about that.” He shakes his head like a dog, sending his curls flying everywhere. “About us.”

“Us.” At one simple word, the tears you’d banished from your nightmare threaten to spill over once again. “There is no us. You ended that. Remember?”

“Unfortunately.” He closes his eyes into a squint. “And I- I meant- I mean-”

“Kylo.” You inch a bit closer, taking in his disheveled clothes and the tremor in his voice. “Are you… drunk?”

“Um.” He pauses, like he’s thinking. “Very.”

“Jesus- get out, Kylo. I don’t want you here.” Those same words echo in your head in his icy tone and it hurts your heart to say them.

“No- no, Y/N, please, listen-”

“Listen to what? How much you hate me? How much you never want to see me again? I get enough of that in my nightmares. Just get your ass off the floor and leave.”

He stands shakily, using you bed for support, but collapses back down onto his knees, looking for all the world like he’s begging for you right in front of your face. “Please, Y/N. I made such a big mistake. You have to take me back.” He’s crying now, pleading like he’s bargaining for his life.

“I don’t have to do anything. And I definitely don’t want to listen to this when you’re the one who broke up with me, without telling me why.” You pause, and cross your arms. “Will you tell me why now?”

He stutters. “I- I can’t-”

“Then go. Just get out.” You walk around him, head high, and open the door, pointing at the open way for all you’re worth. “Now  It’s my turn to kick you out.”

“Y/N-”

“Oh, and for the love of god, stop attacking people with that stupid saber of yours! They don’t deserve that, Kylo!”

“Maybe they do.”

“Maybe you do.” The words come out harsh, and for an instant you regret them, but at this point you just want him to leave. “Now get. Out.”

He picks himself up off the floor, silent tears still crawling down his face. God, how you wanted to kiss those tears away. Hold him, and tell him everything will be alright, just like you had so many times before. But you hold your ground, even when he looks at you so sorrowfully you feel like your heart is being ripped out of its chest. The door closes behind him, and for one moment everything is still.

Then the sobs wrack your body so powerfully they drive you to your knees, holding yourself for everything you’re worth as the ache spreads through your body.

…..        

“Heads up, we’ve got one coming in. All hands on deck.”

You nod and put your other patient’s clipboard down and pull on a fresh set of gloves while a few other nurses jog over.“What’ve we got?”

Your supervisor scans her digipad. “twenty nine year old male, unconscious for unknown reasons-” she stops abruptly. Looks up at you. “Y/N. Go take your break.”

“What? You just said all hands on deck-”

“You heard what I said-” she’s interrupted by the bay doors bursting open, a man laid out on a gurney between two paramedics. You barely have time to glance at the patient before he’s wheeled into a private room, but you’d know that face anywhere.

Kylo.

“Look, I don’t have time to argue with you. If you can be objective, get an IV started. If not, stay out of the room. Do you understand?”

You nod, stunned, but your body automatically grabs an IV cart and heads into the room on muscle memory alone. He’s laid out, pale and clammy, with disheveled hair and deep purple rings under his eyes. Blankets are covering most of his body, but you can imagine the rest of him doesn’t look much better. As you fumble for his left arm, you can’t help but notice bloody scratches covering the palm of his hand, like he’s been digging his nails into his own skin.

You carefully push back his sleeve and stick a vein, starting fluids and whatever else some nurse had just handed you, pushing it into the line as quickly as you could. “What happened?”

“He didn’t show up for a meeting, and when someone went to get him they found him collapsed in his quarters.” Her tone was carefully neutral as she read off the specs, and you tried to push the ever increasing panic out of your head as she continued. “Heart rhythm is shaky, and he’s unresponsive to tests.”

“Preliminary theories?”

She shrugs her shoulders. “Get some blood tests in, then we’ll know more for sure.”

You nod and start collecting, thoughts racing as fast as the blood spilling into the vials.

Kylo. What happened to you?

“Y/N.” You look up from your shaky hands to see another nurse standing over your hunched form. “Normally I wouldn’t do this, but… I figured you might want to see.” She hands over a chart and you scan it quickly, wondering why she’d hand it to you-

It’s Kylo’s.

Instantly, you’re devouring it, rapidly scanning every piece of information. His counts are low all across the board and he’s definitely dehydrated, but other than that everything seems normal…? Oh. Your eyebrows raise when you get to his blood alcohol levels. “So he’s-”

“Drunk off his ass? Yeah.” You give her a look and she softens. “Look, I just figured you’d want to know there’s nothing seriously wrong with him. He blacked out. Anyone would with that much alcohol in their system. He’ll be fine, though.”

You nod at her. “Thank you.”

She shrugs her shoulders and walks away to another patient, leaving you with your thoughts. Drunk? Kylo never drank. He hated the stuff. On the rare occasion you’d smuggled some wine into his room he barely had a sip while you got tipsy. Other than that one night… Sighing to yourself, you stand and brush off your scrubs, then aim for the main hallway, heading where you never wanted to go in the first place. His room.

It’s dark and quiet. Since the diagnosis was made, the code was called off, and everyone has mostly left him alone other than to refill his fluids. You scrape a chair up to the side of his bed and sit heavily, elbows on your knees and head in your hands. You can’t stand to see him like this. He looks too vulnerable, too quiet. The commanding presence you fell in love with is completely gone, rubbed away by the pallor of his skin and his uncharacteristic stillness.

Suddenly, he stirs. First his head, back and forth, frizzing his curls onto the pillow, then the arm hooked into the IV, clearly feeling the sting of it. Before even opening his eyes, he’s already reaching to pull it out, and you do the only thing you can think of- stopping his hand with your own, grabbing his wrist before he can hurt himself further.

His eyes open, focusing on your hand hovering his in midair. Then to you. He takes you in with dark eyes, roaming over your face until he’s satisfied that it’s you and not a threat. Slowly, you release his arm  and he lets it fall back to the bed like the fight has gone out of him.

“Y/N.” His voice is rough, like it hasn’t been used in days.

“Kylo.” You stand. “I’m was just here to make sure you didn’t pull out your IV.” A lie, but he doesn’t need to know that. “I’ll notify someone that you’re awake-”

“Wait.” As you turn to walk away, he grabs your own wrist. His grip is so weak you barely feel it, but it’s more than just his hand keeping you rooted in place. “Please. Stay.”

“I don’t know why you’d want me to.” You try not to let emotion color your voice. “You made it very clear you don’t want to see me.”

“I-”

“What, Kylo?” You finally explode, kicking your chair away from his bed and taking its spot, wrenching your hand from his. “What could you possibly have to say to me after three months of nothing?”

“I tried-”

“You tried when you were so drunk you couldn’t get off my floor, Kylo. I’d hardly say that counts.”

He closes his eyes. “I wanted to die.”

That stops you cold. Even your heart feels  like it stops for a beat or two. “Want?”

“I tried to drink myself to death.” He laughs bitterly, then coughs. “Guess that didn’t work out too well.”

“They found you unconscious in your quarters.”

“Damnit.” He swears with a weary resignation.

“You-” It’s just starting to sink in. “You wanted to kill yourself.”

“Have for about a month now.” The hollowness of his voice breaks your heart in half.

“Why…?”

“Because you were gone,” he rasps. “And you’re the only thing that keeps the monsters away.”

“You left me, Kylo.” Now it’s your turn to be bitter. “It’s not my fault.”

“I didn’t want to-”

“You sounded pretty damn sure!”

“Hux threatened you.”

“He- he what now?”

“Hux. Threatened you. Or, me. Both of us? I can’t-” He coughs again, this time wracking his body until he’s curled into the bed, wincing with every breath. “I can’t think.”

Slowly, you pull the chair back to his bedside- not too close- and sit back down. “Kylo. Tell me everything.”

“He wanted you reassigned. He said you were- a distraction. That you had to go. So I thought- if I cut you off, maybe he would let you stay.

I was so scared,” he whispered. “I couldn’t lose you. But if I didn’t- you’d be gone forever. I had to keep you close. So-”

“-you broke up with me,” you finish.

Tears begin leaking from his tightly closed eyes, as if he’s in pain. “I never wanted to. I never- stars, Y/N, you’re the only good thing in my life, and I-”

“Kylo.” You reach out and cover a hand with your own and he grasps it like he’s drowning. “Why didn’t you just tell me? I could have-”

“Too big a risk. Couldn’t— take the chance.”

“So you decided to kill yourself.” Your voice is thick with tears.

“I couldn’t bear what I did to you. I heard you crying every night in your sleep,” he confesses, voice still soft as a whisper. “I hurt you so badly.”

“That doesn’t mean you get to hurt yourself, Kylo!” A scared anger pours out of you as you turn his palm over to reveal scars and still-healing wounds. “If anything happened to you I’d-”

“I didn’t think you’d care.”

“Of course I care you idiot!” The tears are falling down your cheeks now, and he shakily reaches up to wipe them away, only causing more to fall. “I still love you! I never stopped. And you are not allowed to hurt yourself, or god forbid-” you choke up, unable to finish your sentence. “Please, Kylo. For me,” you beg. “Don’t do this again.”

“I won’t. Now that I know- you love me.” He looks at you. “It’s something to live for.”

Sobbing, you fling yourself onto his chest, clutching him like it’s the last time you’ll ever get to do so. He sits up and pulls you into his arms, wrapping them around you and holding tight, riding trough the storm. “Please don’t leave me,” you whisper, and his tone matches your own when he replies,

“Not ever. Not ever again.”

[magnetvrs]

I loved your Fan/Star fic! How about #29 for Kylux? (Happy ending please, if you can)

thank you so much

warnings: period typical homophobia alluded to and lots of historical inaccuracies lol

29. going away towar au

He watches as Kyloputters about the room in early morningsun, keeping his eyes half-lidded and his breathing even - feigning sleep. Thesunrise paints everything in an orange hue, Kylo’s pale skin appearing sun-kissed and his ridiculous long hair shining.

He hears Ren grumbling, can’t make out what he’s sayingunder his breath as he shifts one of his many canvases. Watches the broadexpanse of Ren’s back, the way the muscles in his legs shift beneath the skinas he slots the canvas into the half-emptycloset.

Ren like this, a visual only disconnected from his smartmouth, is perfect. Long-limbed and largeacross the shoulders sloping down to a small waist, with a pretty face.Strong-willed and bad-tempered exceptwhen he’s not, when the mask slips andRen is unsure and self-conscious. KyloRen is everything he shouldn’t want but he’s never been entirely conventional. Huxlicks his lips, mouth going dry as he watches Ren moving across the room. Really, he thinks as Ren picks up astack of sketches, Ren deserves to be thesubject rather than the artist.

Hux had never realised before Ren had rented his spare roomquite how many paintings and sketches Ren produced, and quite how messy that art was. He fusses andcomplains, makes a scene often enough, shouting about his furniture andsweeping Ren’s materials out of the way. But it’s all just for show, theroutine of arguing that is comfortable to them. Really, deep down, Hux is strangelyproud of Ren. Of the beautiful things he can make with his hands, of the wayhis entire body is concentrated when he’s painting.

‘Good morning, darling,’ Kylo says, finally noticing thatHux is awake. He turns towards Hux, smirking as he adjusts the stack of papersin his arm – a feeble intimation of modesty to cover his almost nakendness.Ren’s mouth is pulled up into a smirk, teasing Hux with the pet names he hatesso much. It makes Hux’s blood boil and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

If anyone looked into their affairs, they would soon realisethat Hux has no reason for this arrangement. Hux’s paycheque is large enough for him to afford his own apartment, evenin such an affluent area of New York. But it’s this element of fear and thethreat of being discovered, that Hux enjoys. It helps that apart from when theyare intimate they act like enemies, barely tolerating each other’s presence so that nobody would suspect anything moreintimate in private.

‘Mornin’,’ he mumbles, mouth thick with sleep still pushingback the tick of annoyance at Ren. He pulls back the covers, revealing his nakednessshamelessly and pads across the room to where Ren is standing. Ren’s skin is warmto the touch as he slides his hand across one broad smooth shoulder, down thearm and grips Ren’s wrist. He can feelthe bones shifting beneath the skin, delicate and breakable. Kylo is watchinghim, Hux can feel his gaze burning into his skin as he slips his hand furtherdown and twines their fingers together.

His mind finally catches up to him, the thing that he’s beencarefully avoiding coming to the front. His mind had been slowed by sleep, rose-tinted by the warmth under the covers andthe soft picture of Kylo in the sunlight. He’s tried not to poke at it too much.To think of it as a series of events, calm and ordered instead of in anemotional dimension. Detached. But it’s hard to stay detached when Ren’s handis so warm in his, so warm and real and breakable.

It weighs heavily on his thoughts - the letter that’ssitting on the side table in the hallway, tucked between the lamp and a potplant as if was any other letter. As if it was nothing important. He’s seen itthough, his eyes have traced over every word on the page and the unfamiliarname at the top that still somehow belongs to Kylo,as Kylo had held it in a shaking hand. Heknew it was coming and yet he’d hoped that somehow it wouldn’t happen.

Ren’s been conscripted, called up.

Some part of him, the moral part he supposes (if such a thingexists in him), rails at the idea. Ren is an artist for god’s sake, he shouldhave a paintbrush gripped in his hand, nota rifle. Paint flecked on his clothes and through his hair, looking thoroughlyungentlemanly and improper, instead ofblood. The price of war. He squeezes Kylo’s hand and feels Kylo squeezeback.

A thread of panic runs through his chest at the thought of Kylo on the battlefield. A lowly private in anill-fitting uniform. He doesn’t belongthere. Of course, Hux knows that Renwill enjoy it. The glory, the fighting. While Hux runs cold, Kylo is blazinghot and Hux can’t stop him. It makes him want to do the one thing that heshouldn’t. To contact his father. Tosink down to his knees and beg him topull some strings, to get Kylo a false exception.But he knows that he can’t.

For one that would invite questions, his father would seeright through him. He would know that Hux would never humiliate himself simplyto save a dear friend. He would suspectsomething more. And for two, he can’t imagine Kyloever forgiving him. Kylo Ren wants to go, despite his lack of manners ordignity his sense of honour and a noble cause are unfortunately intact. Hethinks he’s a knight straight out of a storybook.

It’s pathetic, Hux knows, to be so undone by this. Hisfather would tell he was right all along – that Hux was weak and useless if he saw him like this. Almost broughtto tears by the thought of Ren not being at his side. Hux tries to pull himselftogether, slipping his hand out of Kylo’s grip. He pulls out his robe from thecloset, stepping nimbly around Kylo’s mess and steps out of the bedroom towardsthe kitchen. Outside the city is already waking up, the symphony of voicesreaching him even so many floors up. Inside, however,it’s quiet almost lifeless. The patter of his feet against the tile, the clunkof the kettle as he sets it on the stove to boil some water.

He tries to keep his thoughts contained, to focus only ongetting two cups of tea and a stack of toast prepared. Except he can hear the shuffleof Ren from the other room, his heavy footfalls and the thumps of him packingeverything away. Ren is there, just through the wall, packing up his belongingsso they won’t get in Hux’s way. Because he doesn’t need them anymore. BecauseRen is going to be gone.

His chest aches.

Hux is a hard man, a military man. His father may havelanded him his position as a General, despite being an Englishman his legacystill has a little sway over here, but Hux has kept it through skill alone. Ithelps that his position is at headquarters rather than out on the field, thathe can avoid almost all of the risks.

Ren will be exposed.  

God. Hux feels hishand shaking around his mug. He forces himself to take even sips, to keep his hand's busy buttering toast. His hand fumbleson the knife when he hears Ren come into the room.

He’s dressed now in his favourite button-down and pants as ifhe’s going somewhere important. He slides down into the chair next to Hux,slurping loudly on his mug of tea and fitting bites of toast between gulps.

‘When is it you have to leave again?’ Hux says, trying tomake conversation despite the way his mind rebels at the subject.

Ren merely grunts in reply, shoving yet another piece oftoast into his mouth and afterwards sucking the crumbs from his fingers obscenely.Obviously disinterested. Hux clenches his jaw and goes back to nursing his owntea, fingers drumming irritably on the side of the mug.

When Ren seems to be finally stated and the stack of toasthas disappeared, Hux feels Ren’s warm weight press to his side as Ren leansover him. Ren’s lips feel rough and warm where they brush his skin, and in hisfrayed state a snappy reply to leave him alone is on the tip of Hux’s tongue.Except that Ren releases his fingers with a smile that allows a glimpse of crookedteeth and the mismatched dimples on his cheeks that steals Hux’s breath rightout of his lungs.  

‘I’ll miss you,’ he says, keeping an iron grip on his voiceand refusing to meet Ren’s eyes. He thinks, feels the shake of despair within himselfthat if he does it will all come crashing down around him. That he’ll breakdown and the despair won’t stop.

‘I’ll miss-‘

‘Write to me!’ He can’t stop it, it slips from between hislips more frantic than he wants to sound.

‘If I have time,’ Ren huffs but his lips are soft where hepresses them to Hux’s hair.

Ren steps away, shooting Hux a last lopsided smirk beforeheading for the door. Hux listens to him as he walks down the stairs, to thethump of his boots as it gets fainter and fainter, frozen to the stop until hecan’t hear them anymore. He rushes to the window without thinking, barely evendaring to breathe and throws it open. Not caring about the danger he leans outas far as he can, one hand gripping the old crumbling frame and strains to tryand catch a glimpse of the dark figure.

-

He presses his face to Ren’s hair and breathes. It’s shorterthan before, army standard. What’s left sticks up in tufts, unruly matted snarls. The soft, silky curls are gone.

‘You smell terrible,’ he observes coldly, as he clings closer. Hishands bump along Ren’s spine, coming to rest on Ren’s shoulders. He’s thinnerthan before, still muscular but as if everything else has wasted away.

‘You’re crying,’ Ren observes back, disgusting breath hotagainst Hux’s neck. He’s here, flesh and blood and alive. His shoulders shiftunder Hux’s palm and he knows that somewhere beneath them Ren’s heart beats.

He’s here. He’s safe. Hux lets himself breathe.

[spacebeyonce]

good morning. I’m rested enough and I’ve had my coffee so now I can finally get into this.

so last night I saw tlj and it was, as previously stated, pretty underwhelming. but I’m gonna dive in and poke at shit that stuck out to me.

alright! quick and dirty let’s do it!

the good:

uhhhh fin looked beautiful as usual. and he was still so brave and ready to help the resistance out (albeit unwillingly but we’ll get into that) even though he just wanted to find rey and make sure she was okay.

finn and rose trashing the casino. it was very hard to warm up to rose, but her story about her and her sister’s childhood got to me. all that glitter and opulence and waste. the rich were like beautiful shiny parasites, and you had to look really hard past the shimmer to see all the life they were sucking out of everything. so them trashing the casino, just like rose wanted to, was a little satisfying.

I guess this is good if I thought it was hilarious but kylo killing snoke by using snoke’s shitty mind powers against him. seeing that kylo was going to use a saber and thinking it was going to be on rey when it was on him all along. that honestly took me the fuck out so I guess it’s good.

the finn vs phasma fight!!! it was beautiful and I was so glad to see finn take out one of the people who hurt him. let finn destroy all his abusers 2k17.

that finnrey reunion hug was pretty goddamn solid and wholesome and I smiled a lot when it happened. reunited and it feels fucking awesome.

and uhhhh that’s it. I had to work very hard to put at least more than two things that I liked.

so onto the bad:

lmao what wasn’t bad about this movie. but I’ll just do a few.

making rey focus on trying to redeem kylo was a fucking mess and kinda felt like character assassination. rey would’ve stayed focused on trying to kick that shitheel into a goddamn ravine, not redeeming him. I was so tired of hearing her say over and over that there was still some good in kylo, that he could still be turned. the first time she called him ben gave me an ulcer.

and since we’re on rey and kylo and their bullshit, what the fuck was that force connection shit going on. the first time it happened I felt a headache show up behind my eye and it didn’t leave. every time they connected and spoke through the force it got worse. it was honestly rather boring to endure and I definitely could’ve done without it.

finn getting sidelined was what I expected but still so fucking annoying. he barely had any part in this movie, which was jarring after going through tfa, where he played a pretty big part in everything in the movie. in here, he was just comedic relief, barely speaking anything but witty one liners with no character development to be found.

the fact that the little side mission that poe, rose, and finn had going on completely failed, and caused more harm than good. which uhhh super burned my ass but I’m gonna get into that a little more in a bit. but everything they did, trying to find a code breaker, breaking onto the FO starship, all of it failed, and so many people died because of it. it was frustrating because they were trying hard to help the resistance escape but in the end nothing really came of it.

that finnrose kiss was so dry. they barely had any good chemistry, and should just stick to being friends. they’d be better friends than lovers, and it was very hard to warm up to rose after how they introduced her to finn.

snoke as a whole was a rather underwhelming villain, which kinda sucked since they gassed him up so much in tfa. to have him be this weird lookin’ ass wrinkle in a chair that got cut in half with a quickness so we could make way for supreme leader kylo ren was uh. boring.

again, having to look at adam driver’s weirdly shaped torso was really very unfortunate. he’s a fucking weirdly shaped dude. I got nothing out of seeing his bare chest. my pussy has never been so dry. he’s a very unattractive man. please stop making me look at him. why couldn’t I see john boyega’s bare chest instead.

I could go on with the bad! but I won’t. instead let’s get into the ugly:

and GODDAMN was it ugly. major ugly points!

WOW how many times did the characters of color get hurt or degraded??? ESPECIALLY finn and poe, jesus christ.

introducing rose by having her taze finn so hard he slams into an opposite wall did not make me like her! people in my theater laughed while I flinched so hard my seat rocked a little. brutalizing the black man isn’t funny!! but every time finn got hurt people fucking laughed!!! when rose tazed him, when hux fucking slapped him, people laughed. good to know that black people in pain is hilarious to y’all! imma remember that y’all think humiliating and degrading black characters is so funny! thanks!

and speaking of finn, I’ve briefly spoken on this already, but rose saying he was a deserter and a traitor pissed me off. just ‘cause y’all think he’s a resistance hero doesn’t mean he’s signed on to be a part of the resistance. wanting to find rey and be safe doesn’t make finn a traitor.

for a moment, in tfa, finn’s interests aligned with the resistance’s, and so he helped out. he hasn’t agreed to be a part of the rebellion, a part of the war. and while finn and phasma’s fight was bitchin’, to have finn suddenly stand tall and declare he’s ‘rebel scum’, even though at the beginning of the movie he was ready to leave to try and find rey, was jarring. like they couldn’t have shown finn having thoughts about being part of the resistance or anything??? they couldn’t show finn making this choice on his own instead of being tazed or grabbed by the collar and dragged into it???

poe. jesus christ poe what did they do to you. making poe into this - this fuckin hot head who doesn’t listen to his higher ups in a shot for glory and heroism was horrific. that wasn’t who he was in tfa. poe’s not in the rebellion to get glory, he’s here to - to try and save people. to get the first order’s foot off of people’s necks so everyone can just breathe freely. to have him disrespect leia and holdo, undermining their authority at every turn was so disrespectful to watch. poe’s not some sexist firecracker but that’s what tlj made him into and it honestly hurt to look at.

watching him get stunned across the room into another wall by leia was also so ugly to look at, and made me flinch super hard once again while people in the theater laughed. so.

and SPEAKING OF CHARACTER ASSASSINATION, LET’S GET INTO THE BIGGEST ONE - LUKE FUCKING SKYWALKER. I’ve never been so bitter.

making luke out to be someone who’d murder one of his own students - his blood - at the first sign of darkness or conflict was. wow. and it was especially ugly because it took the burden of kylo’s shitty choices away from him, and placed it onto luke’s shoulders. it was luke’s fault that kylo turned to the dark, it wasn’t his choice, luke pushed him, and kylo was just a scared little boy.

which is fucked. because in the previous movie, tfa was all about choices. finn and kylo were such huge narrative foils because at the heart of them it was about choices. finn, who was raised in the heart of the dark, stolen from his family and forced to be a soldier for a cause he didn’t really believe in, made the choice to not kill for the FO, to not want anything to do with them. kylo, raised in light, trained to be a jedi and keep the skywalker legacy going, chose, as a man, not some boy, to kill his peers and join the dark side. he chose to force himself into that mold to be the next vader.

and to say that he really didn’t?? and that the reason he went dark is because of luke?? it pissed me off. it’s still pissing me off!!! it was horrible!!! it took all the choice, all the blame away from kylo, and put it all on luke. and that’s pretty ugly.

luke dying was also fucking stank and I don’t give a shit how full of peace luke was. it was stupid. it was so ridiculous. I can’t properly describe how outraged I was, and still am, at luke just.....disappearing. just going away. I wanted luke to be a part of the resistance more, to meet the rest of the new trilogy people, and now I won’t ever get that and it’s frustrating. it was a weak bitch move. there was a lot more luke could’ve done. so this was just uhhhh. shit.

I’m sure there’s more I’m missing! but that’s what stuck out to me the most. so yeah! tlj kinda sucked. it sucked pretty bad actually. underwhelming at worst, forgettable at best. a solid 3/10. and that’s being generous.

[goshwrites]

Yandere Ben Solo x Reader 2/?

 previous

 Summary: You’re captured and detained in a First Order ship. You’re trying to be strong in the midst of this fearful situation while also being worried about your best friend, Poe. And on top of that, you can’t shake off this connected feeling with your abductor- Kylo Ren. 

Word Count: 2k

warnings: some swearing, a little poe fluff and yearning 

a/n: oh boy here we go. im honestly just going through the whole damn movie it seems wow.

taglist: @obsessionprofessional, @absurd-miss-me, @moonprincess003, @nicotinebirds, @starfishfaerie, @dahlia-daugherty​ (if you want to be removed/added to this taglist just shoot me a message)

recap: His eyes drifted down and settled close to your chin. You shifted once more. "And I kinda don't want to let you go."    The air was stiff as you stared up at the man. You... quite frankly you didn't know what to do. He seemed to be waiting for an answer as his eyes bore into yours. You swallowed as your tongue felt dry and sticky. Then almost comically, you just leaned to the side and out of his touch.  "I... would rather you just not." You ended up stating to him. His eyes fluttered as he blinked and furrowed his eyebrows.  "Wha… what?" He asked seemingly very confused. You swallowed, again because you seemed to be very thirsty, and raised your head a little boldly.  "You heard me." You said defiantly as you stared up at the man. His Adam's apple moved up and down as he swallowed. He was looking at you as if he couldn't believe what you were saying. You saw how his shoulders went up and down as he took in a breath. This man... this cold-blooded murderer... this absolute monster- was he truly in shock of what you said?     You could feel your boldness extending throughout your body. You straightened your shoulders back as best as you could. You looked him squared in those confused eyes of his.  "I've never dreamt of you and I sure as hell don't plan to." It was like your words sent a wave of physical shock to him as he moved back. You allowed a tinge of a smirk to grace your lips.     His eyes left yours and instead moved to the floor. He seemed to be thinking. Calculating? More like trying to figure out what the hell you were saying. His breathing was coming out in steady huffs as he continued to look down and away from you. Then slowly his eyes glided from the floor, up your dusty pantsuit, and connected with your fixed eyes.  "You... you've never dreamed of me?" He said in what seemed like a scared whisper as he stared at you. Your head slowly shook no as you stared right back at him. "Oh." He said as his eyes dropped back down onto the floor. He was silent for a few moments and almost... almost you were regretting your choice of words at him. To see that he clearly didn't think it would be like this? It... it almost made you feel sorry for him.     But almost is not enough. He was a murderer. A cold blooded killer. He deserved nothing less then to be in agony himself. But this... the human nature of you made you watch him in a different light. He may be a murderer and a monster, but he... he was still just a man. You shifted uncomfortable about the feeling in the air as he slowly sighed and looked back up at you. Something seemed different in his eyes. Almost this... this coldness accompanied his gaze. You felt your skin breaking out in goosebumps as you stared back at him. Almost robotically he lifted up his helmet and placed it back over his head with a click.  "I'll be back later." He stated before he turned away from you. It took you a few moments to realize that he was leaving. Actually leaving? You- did you just win against him? You blinked a few times as the door shut and locked behind him. You... won. You made it through his interrogation.     A relieved sigh came out of your mouth as you leaned back against the chair. You actually did it. Your eyes drifted up to the ceiling and to the bright light shining above your head. But he... he'll be back. That thought made you furrow your eyebrows. And next time he probably won't let up as easily as he did. So this only left a certain window for an escape. You sighed in a frustrated manner as you looked to the wall. How are you going to escape? You couldn't just walk out of this cell now could you? Well... you tilted your head a bit. Maybe that wasn't such a bad idea.     Time seemed to stretch on and on as you mentally plotted your escape. Your desire to sleep was starting to crawl onto you. When was the last time you slept? It couldn't have been too long ago, right? But the pulling of your senses was only increasing as you sat- well sorta laid- in the chair. You focused on the wall as you kept yourself from falling asleep. You had to stay awake. You had to be ready to escape. But the longer you stared at the wall, the desire grew stronger. But... you.... had to... you needed to... your head started to dip down as you let go of your conscious. The uncomfortableness of the chair was cast away out of your thoughts as you fell asleep. Nothing mattered in that moment except.... pure.... and blissful.... sleep.    But the sudden whoosh of the door had your body snapping upright as you were startled awake. Your eyes darted around the room fearfully before... oh. It was just a trooper. He didn't say anything except unlock your restraints. Your heart was beating in your chest as you watched the man- or at least you were assuming this was a man. What was happening?  "Come with me." Was all that he said before you were walking out of the cell with a set of handcuffs fastened on your wrists.    You almost stumbled a few times as you walked down the hallway. Being cooped up in that chair made your legs feel woobly and unsure as you tried your best to walk in a straight line. But gosh darn it. You felt like the manifestation of a noodle. The man's hold on your arm was surprisedly gentle and not very firm. It felt like he was only suggesting you follow where he was guiding you. Where exactly was he guiding you? Your brows furrowed as you glanced at the shiny, white armored man. But before you could ask the man where he was taking you- your body was shoved into a break in the wall.    Your eyes widened as you stumbled into the tight space with a surprised yelp escaping your lips. You squeezed your eyes shut, expecting to hit a hard wall, but instead you... were steadied by a pair of strong arms? Your eyes fluttered open only to be met with the face of... oh God. Poe. "Hey." His voice came out in a hushed tone as he looked at you. Immediately you flung yourself onto him while gripping onto his shirt with your cuffed hands. Poe- he- he's here. He's here. You hadn't realized you started to cry until his arms were wrapping around you. "Hey- hey. It's all right. I'm here." He whispered as you leaned even more into his chest. "Everything is going to be okay."  Slowly, your head pulled back from the crook of his neck. You swallowed as you focused your watery vision on him.  "I... I'm so happy to see you." You whispered as you gazed up at the man. His lips curved into his signature smirk.  "Yeah? Missed me that much?" A breathy laugh escaped your mouth as you did your best to wipe off your cheeks.  "Maybe." You whispered up at him. His smirk slowed into a smile before his warm hand reached up and cupped your cheek. You felt them warm as he brushed your runny tears off of your cheeks.  "Yeah.... I missed you too, Sunshine." He whispered back down at you. He... he was going to make you cry again. But then suddenly, your head jerked to the trooper from before with a start. Poe seemed to notice your sudden attention as he answered your unanswered question, "He's helping us escape." Your head nodded slowly in understanding.  "Oh... okay." You said as your heartbeat slowed down. Poe removed his arm from your waist as he cleared his throat. You forced yourself not to show your disappointment at his action. Oh.  "So here's the plan."     After a few minutes of Poe explaining what was about to go down, you were walking down a brightly lit hallway with the two men. Soon that hallway transformed into the ship deck and you found yourself gazing around in awe. Wow. This ship truly was a wonder for being so... well.... bad. It had a certain beauty that you could respect about it. A tug on your arm had your feet moving once more as you forced yourself to focus. This ship may be pretty, but you needed to focus. Focus and get out of this pretty hell hole. You followed Poe through the loud bay as the three of you jogged to the nearest tie- fighter. The trooper that was helping you (he never said his name) jumped down and you followed after him. Then... wait.  "Uh- Poe? Where should I sit?" You voiced out your thought as you crouched in the small space.  "My thigh." He stated as he turned on the ship. You bit your lip unsurely as that... well.... there was always this unspoken rule between the two of you- you were just friends. Nothing more. "What? We gotta go." He hurried you and you nodded rapidly.  "Ah- right." You muttered before you crawled over and settled yourself down on his thigh. You were glad you were facing away from him or else he would see your blushing face. It wasn't that this was a bad place to sit... well... actually. Yes. It was. A very bad good place.    And before you knew it, the ship was rising. You planted your feet firmer on the flood as you tried not to wobble on Poe's leg. But a sudden jerk almost caused you to fly off of your perch and onto the floor. You gasped as you quickly steadied yourself.  "Uh- I can fix this!" The man from before shouted from his side as Poe nodded and wrapped a free arm around you.  "Lean back." He muttered close enough to your ear to make goosebumps rise on your arms. You simply nodded and followed his directions.    Then the tie fighter guided out of the bay and into the open space as you kept yourself from moving. Poe removed his arm and instead steered with both hands now. You swallowed as you fought to keep your thoughts focused on the moment. Almost you wanted to jerk your hands out and steer for yourself whenever it felt like Poe was flying too dangerously. But you knew that he knew what he was doing. Just maybe a little recklessly in your opinion.     But as the ship soared through the blackened sky... you felt this strange unease coming onto you. Your brows furrowed as you shifted uncomfortably. Why were you feeling this? There was nothing here to put you in this... this mood. You felt like you were being watched. That something was.... was watching you. But what? Whatever was spying on you felt dark. Sinister even. It... it... it didn't feel right. It felt wrong, completely wrong.    Your thoughts were suddenly snapped back into reality as- wait. Wait a second.  "Did we just- get hit?" You asked worried as you heard the roaring of the tie fighter. You saw the brief glimpse of dull yellow out of the corner of your eye as you looked up at Poe.  "We... we did." He whispered seeming almost in shock himself before he looked down at you. "Hold on, Sunshine."

[heyktula]

If you're still doing snippets... Kylux and 14

Breathplay. (yes, I’m still doing these!! I’m just slow. thank you for waiting and I hope you like it

Also, this piece comes with the cavaet that breathplay is not safe and I do not recommend including it as part of your BDSM activity.

This piece contains nonconsensual choking (canon-typical) and also some things which are consented to.

Kylo waits until the meeting is already in progress before barging into Hux’s office, robes swirling. “General Hux,” he intones, slowly gazing over—

—a room empty of everyone but the General himself.

“Ah,” Hux says without looking up, stylus darting quickly over his datapad. “You’ve arrived.”

“You summoned me,” Kylo says.

“Yes, for a meeting that started twenty nine minutes ago, and was scheduled to end … now.”

The prick doesn’t even need to look at a chrono.

“I’ll make this quick,” Hux continues. He still hasn’t looked up. “Mitaka was in medical today. Thannison was in medical the day before. I have junior officers drawing straws to see who has to come to the bridge if you’re lurking in the shadows. This ends now.”

“Supreme Leader Snoke—”

“You will not,” Hux snaps, and he stands up, fingertips bridged on the desk. Glares at Kylo, and takes a deep breath. As though that’s going to calm him down. “You will not choke any more of my officers on my bridge.”

“They lack—”

“That’s an order, Ren.” The anger rolls off Hux, sudden as a flash flood. There are flecks of spittle on his lips, and his skin is red and blotchy.

Hux is looking for a fight—and if that’s what he wants, fuck him, Kylo’s not giving him shit.

Kylo shrugs one shoulder. “All you had to do is say so.”

He turns and ambles out, robe swirling behind him.

Kylo chokes Mitaka the next time Mitaka pisses him off anyway.

He gets cc’d on a notice from engineering within the hour advising him that development on the Silencer has been put on hold.

“What the hell, Hux.”

“General, if you would,” Hux says. He’s staring out the viewport with his hands clasped behind his back. “I’m on duty.”

Kylo lowers his voice, but only because the vocoder is less prone to static at lower volumes. “I need that ship, Supreme Leader Snoke won’t stand for—”

“Supreme Leader Snoke understands that all personnel need to be working at maximum capacity, and respects my decision to divert funding away from a frivolous engineering project to cover the sudden deficit we’ve incurred in medical.”

Kylo inhales sharply, just as taken aback by Hux’s decision to consult with Snoke independently as he is Hux’s reference to the Silencer as a frivolous engineering project when Hux fucking lives for those.

“Lord Ren,” Hux says calmly, and Kylo doesn’t realize it’s a dismissal until Hux has already left.

At this point, Mitaka’s gotta be doing it on purpose, the little shit, has to be deliberately pissing Kylo off because there’s no way this is an accident and Kylo is going to choke him, he’s going to throw out his hand and fucking throttle Mitaka and—

—by the time Kylo remembers about the Silencer, he’s already pulled most of the dark into him and he can feel it fucking rattling his teeth and it’s going to start boiling his blood if he doesn’t do something with it—

And, well, if dispersing it means that it mostly gets dispersed in Hux’s direction, if dispersing it means that he can watch Hux straighten and cough from across the bridge, face briefly turning red due to the lack of oxygen—

Well, it’s no matter.

The thing is, Kylo reasons, quietly gathering more dark into the palm of his hand, maybe Hux had a point. Maybe it’s not the officer’s faults that they’re bringing him bad news. Maybe it’s not Mitaka’s fault that he’s constantly reporting failures back to Kylo.

In front of him, Mitaka shifts, eyes darting briefly to the side before staring Kylo in the face. “Lord Ren?” Mitaka asks.

“It’s fine,” Kylo says absently, leaning back against the wall.

“F-fine?”

“Thank you for the report,” Kylo adds. 

Mitaka scurries off, which is not a problem. Mitaka isn’t Kylo’s concern anyway.Kylo’s concern is currently bent over a console on the other side of the bridge, red hair tucked up neatly under his command cap, but still visible on his sideburns when he turns his head.

Kylo narrows his eyes, focuses, and reaches out toward Hux, visualizes the force as tendrils of darkness coming out from Kylo’s palm, and slowly, gently, curling around Hux’s neck before thinking better of the metaphor, and just visualizing his own hand.

After all, he thinks, slowly tightening the invisible fingers around Hux’s neck, watching the colour rise in Hux’s face as he chokes, isn’t a General responsible for all troops under his command?

Across the bridge, Hux doubles over, gagging and coughing. He reaches out to the console beside him, and Kylo wonders if he’s going to sag against it or if he’ll just collapse to the floor—

—except Hux uses the console to brace himself as he forces his body into an upright position, and glares at Kylo so furiously from across the room that Kylo starts, and lets slip the dark woven around Hux’s neck. Hux gasps, inhales so heavily that it’s audible the entire way across the bridge.

“My office,” Hux mouths, rubbing his neck with his gloved hand. “One hour.”

Kylo frowns, and stalks off the bridge.

He very nearly doesn’t go, except that every time Kylo makes up his mind to blow Hux off, he remembers the Silencer, and how much he wants the fucking thing.

He makes a point of being late.

But he goes.

Hux doesn’t even acknowledge him as Kylo enters his office.

The chair across from Hux’s desk is pulled out as though Kylo is supposed to sit in it, so he doesn’t.

And then, after a span of awkward minutes where Hux doesn’t even acknowledge that Kylo is there, Kylo does.

The moment Kylo sits, Hux puts down his stylus. Kylo expects to be berated, expects Hux to yell at him, spittle flying and face going red like usual. Kylo expects to be threatened, to be told that the Silencer is permanently shelved, to be told that Hux has spoken with the Supreme Leader and shut down not just this project, but every project Kylo requests in the foreseeable future …

Kylo expects anything other than what Hux actually does—because Hux pulls off one glove, loosening each finger individually before sliding the entire glove off his hand, exposing his bare, pale skin, nails trimmed neatly but rough at the cuticles.

And then, before Kylo has even processed the removal of the first glove, Hux pulls off the second.

Both his hands are bare.

Kylo is removing his mask before even consciously deciding to do so, and the rush of cool air against his too-hot face is such a relief that his toes curl in his boots. He can breathe again. This is good. This is fine, this is—

—Hux’s bare fingers are at his own collar, undoing the hidden catch on the left side, and then peeling his jacket down, exposing the purpling bruises on his neck.

“You did this,” Hux says, and his voice rasps out of his throat, quiet and soft, but powerful all the same.

Kylo can see his own fingerprints in the flesh of Hux’s neck, thumb on one side, and fingers on the other, as though he’d physically used his right hand directly on Hux’s skin even though it had only been the force.

“Did you like the way it felt?” Hux continues.

Kylo looks away.

“Because Mitaka didn’t. And Thannison didn’t. And neither did Jorga, or Silverson, or Espar. I have all their names, Kylo. Every single person you’ve ever sent to medical.”

Kylo fidgets with the mask in his hand. This isn’t going how he expected it would go, the Silencer hasn’t even been brought up yet, this isn’t—

“I didn’t like it,” Hux says.

Kylo looks up at him. Hux isn’t looking Kylo in the eye, is instead looking slightly lower. “There’s a certain—art to it,” Hux says, words measured, but voice still ragged and raw. “A finesse which you entirely lack.”

Kylo realizes, chill creeping down his spine, that Hux is looking at his neck.I’m here to talk about the Silencer is what he means to say.

“Choking?” is what comes out of his mouth.

“It’s meant to be delicate,” Hux says, standing carefully and pacing over to the viewport. “There’s so much structure in the neck that can be ruined if one is too heavy-handed. Do you have medical training, Ren?”

“N-no,” Kylo says. He’s staring at his knee, trying to figure out where the fuck this conversation had gone so far sideways, and before he can determine it, there’s a shadow cast over him.

He looks up.

Hux is standing in front of Kylo. He leans forward, and places his knee onto the chair Kylo is sitting in. 

Hux’s knee is right between Kylo’s legs.

“I’m going to ask this now,” Hux says, voice hardly more than a whisper, “and I’m only going to ask this once. This is your one chance. This is your only chance, because I have to assume—” Hux stops talking, turns his head away to cough violently into the elbow of his jacket. His voice, when he starts speaking again, is even lower this time, cracks on some of the vowels, and his breathing is raspy in a way that reminds Kylo very much of his own grand—

“I have to assume you don’t know any better,” Hux says. “Do you want me to show you? Do you want me to show you what you’ve been inflicting on everyone?”

“Yes,” Kylo says softly, and his voice cracks just like Hux’s does.

Hux’s hand, when it darts out, is like a snake, snapping forward and locking around Kylo’s throat. He starts squeezing immediately, blocking off Kylo’s airway and making spots flare behind Kylo’s eyes.

It’s the most out of control that Kylo has ever felt, including the times that he can’t think for all the feelings exploding inside his head. Hux is staring right at him, panting a little but with his eyes cool and steady and as Kylo watches, Hux darts out his tongue, licks his dry lips.

Kylo struggles, a little, against Hux’s hand, and Hux pushes harder against him, leaning forward, pushing his knee in between Kylo’s legs.

When the pressure lets up, Kylo gasps. The air is so sweet in his lungs, and his eyes are wet and it feels like something is unfolding in his chest, something beautiful and fragile and dark is awakening inside his ribcage—

“Well, well, well,” Hux says, voice low and thick. He nudges Kylo with his knee again.

Kylo’s face flames as he realizes that he is achingly hard, and it must be obvious, it must be obvious because why else would Hux be pressing his knee between Kylo’s legs like this?

“Take a deep breath for me, sweetheart,” Hux says, and the moment Kylo raggedly inhales, Hux clamps his right hand over Kylo’s mouth and pinches Kylo’s nose viciously shut with his left. His knee shoves hard against Kylo’s dick, pressing his balls back against his body, and Hux leans into him and Kylo’s head is spinning and his dick throbs and he has never wanted anything more in his life than what he wants right now, than what he wants right here—

“You can breathe for me in five,” Hux says. “Four.”

Kylo’s vision is starting to go grey on the edges.

“Three,” Hux says, and then he stops counting to duck his head and cough. “T-two.”

Kylo is right on the edge. He’s right on the edge of it and if he has to wait one more moment he’s going to pass out from lack of oxygen, and he could easily shove Hux off him with the force, can feel the Dark swirling around his head trying to protect his body, keep him from passing out, but he doesn’t pull from any of it, he doesn’t even try, pretends he is forceless and helpless and he’s so close, so close, so—

“One,” Hux says, and he takes his hands off Kylo’s face and immediately grabs Kylo’s dick through his pants, squeezing and twisting hard and fast and Kylo is—

—Kylo is breathing and coming and there is snot running from his nose, and tears at the corners of his eyes and his pants are suddenly, uncomfortably wet, his dick twitching with the remnants of his orgasm even as Hux pushes his knee harder against Kylo and Kylo breathes in great, shuddering gasps—

When the pressure releases all at once, when Hux steps back and away, Kylo shuts his eyes. He has to, has to get his bearings, because he’s so disoriented and bereft and he wants it again, immediately, even though his throat is throbbing and his face hurts, nose burning where Hux had pinched him, cheek raw on the inside where Hux had forced it against Kylo’s teeth.

There’s the click of a lighter, a brief inhale, and then Kylo’s eyes jolt open as Hux dissolves into a coughing fit so severe that it wracks his entire body, and the lit cigarette falls to the floor, where Kylo extinguishes it with the force.

“Vicious fucker,” Hux hisses when he’s regained control of his body. “I should do this to you daily until I’m actually healed enough to have a kriffing smoke. It would serve you right for what you’ve done to me.”

Kylo’s dick twitches, and Hux’s mouth curves into a slow smile.

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you,” he says, and he turns and looks out the viewport, considering.

Kylo can’t breathe.

“You can see me in my office tomorrow,” Hux says, finally. “End of alpha shift. Any more of your banthashit—any member of my crew in medbay, any destroyed consoles, any hint of anything—and the meetings will be canceled indefinitely.”

“The Silencer?” Kylo asks. His fingers and toes are tingling, and he needs to prolong this conversation, as he’s not entirely certain he can stand.

Hux shrugs. “We’ll see if I continue to like your performance in these … meetings,” he says, looking deliberately at the cum-soaked crotch of Kylo’s pants. “I can be magnanimous if I wish to be. If your performance is otherwise satisfying.”

Kylo swallows hard, nods. Gathers up his helmet. Steadies himself with the force as he rises so that Hux can’t see the way that his knees tremble, the way that his entire body is unsteady, the slight twitch of his fingers and the spinning in his head as he rises.

“Don’t forget,” Hux calls out after him as he leaves. “Tomorrow.”

Later that night, Kylo stares at himself in the mirror. There are faint bruises on his neck, a scratch on his cheek where one of Hux’s nails had snagged on his flesh, and his nose aches from where Hux had grabbed it, pinched it shut.

Kylo drags his hand slowly down his chest, curls it around his half-hard cock.

He looks at the chrono mounted on the wall.

Nineteen hours to go.

[hopetwin]

tag drop i

a burning brand to your enemies and a brilliant fire to your friends {face} mother is the name of god on the lips of all children {leia organa solo} yun harla incarnate {headcanons} i was born in a thunderstorm // i grew up overnight {ch. study} someone to show her softer side to {wants and wishes} i garb myself in the universe {wardrobe} his commitment is absolute {poe dameron} you knew my tears though i couldn’t cry {caydren trecoll} again and again we crash together like a galaxy wanting to be born {jagged fel} i want to punch him as much as kiss him {luconis} faces in the stars {wanted opposite} the home amongst the stones and trees {yavin 4} dear brother do you still believe in love i wonder {darth caedus} my father taught me how to live {han solo} from him i learned who i am {luke skywalker} my grandfather still {bail organa} made of love and courage {breha organa} her fire burns brighter than the stars that she calls home {rey} he wears bravery and loyalty equally well {finn} his heart was born out of fire {anakin solo} such a brave droid {bb8} he is a fine knight {ben skywalker} all this bad blood here // won’t you let it dry {kylo ren} i had two mothers and i love her still {winter} wildfire and wisdom run through her veins {mara jade skywalker} we are two halves of the same whole {jacen solo} i never dreamed i would meet somebody like you {re:jagged fel} are you and angel / are you a devil {re: luconis dalmore}

[sithlordintraining]

Sugar

A/N: So I don’t know how everyone is going to perceive this, but my brother and I think this is so hilarious. And basically the character is based off me, if I was in this galaxy far, far away. And btw this is your dress. 

Sugar II

Summary: You’re just a girl who wants to have fun(d$) and live life and not have to worry about the stupid galactic war. Even though you are a school teacher for the Resistance, it doesn’t hurt to be a little bad sometimes.

When the General called me to her office, I was hoping that it wasn’t because I gave a group of children Darth Vader stickers. I bit my lip, shaking my leg as I listened to the mumbled voices behind the door. It slid open revealing the short gray-haired woman who I’ve come to love (and hate). “General Organa. Good Morning!” I nodded. She smiled up, welcoming me in. She tightly wrapped an arm around my waist as she guided me. “You know, Y/N, just for you I snuck some treats from the cantina. I know you always like to have a little snack.” The two of us chuckled. One reason I love Leia: she indulged my inner fat child as if her life depended on it! “Well, you do know how to keep me happy.” You grabbed a muffin and a glass of juice. Footsteps approached from behind. Sipping my drink, I turned around. It was the famous Luke Skywalker and one of his apprentices. “Good Morning, Y/N.” Luke nodded. I nodded “Good Morning, Luke. And Good Morning—” I blanked on her names. My eyebrows rose mentally trying to decipher her name.The girl, ‘Bunhead’ is what Kat called her. But, what was her name? Regina, Lei, Lee? Yes, Lee! “Rey.” She pulled me out of my thoughts. “Yes! Rey!” I smiled trying to play it cool. “I know, I just, you changed your hair!” “No, you couldn’t remember you were going to call me Lee.” She said very sternly.

“Ok!” Leia clapped her hands together. “Now that that’s over, let’s get to business.” I let out a small groan as soon as everyone started to get to their seats. “Y/N, I called you in here because I would like you to take on another student.” “Ok.” I shrugged. Luke’s body turned to me. “My other apprentice, Finn, mind has opened and pushed since he’s been taken into your class. With what he was conditioned to believe from the First Order and your knowledge, I have sensed a substantial amount of growth in him. Thanks to you.” I perked up and smiled. “Thank you.” I humbly accepted his apology. Even though, he probably saw me throwing myself a celebratory party. “I would like you to also take on Rey.” He continued. “She hasn’t had a proper education and we need to learn the basics. Without the force, even though it well help her catch up with her other peers.”

I slowly nodded looking at Rey. Her skin was quite dry, making her look slightly older than. Must be from all that desert heat. She no longer wore those three buns. Good for her, change is good. She’s no longer a bunhead. “Well, okay. Is it like a trade off? I get Bun—Rey and you take Finn?” I asked, mentally slapping myself. “Yes, but Finn will come once a week. His body is still healing and I’m afraid he’s not physically ready.” Luke put his fingers to his chin. “Alrighty then, when do we start?” I asked finishing my muffin. “You’ll start tomorrow.” The General said.

It has been a week since the switch happened and I could honestly say, I hated Rey. Bunhead always had to question everything! She was always using the force and she was always starting something with me. “Kat!” I yelled as I approached her X-Wing. The girl stepped back from cleaning her ship and squinted at me. I ran over. “Well look at you!” I motioned to her attire which was a crop top and her jumpsuit sleeves tied around her waist exposing her curves. She brushed me off “Jeez, you act like you haven’t seen me in ages.” She started to clean her ship again. “But, I miss you.” I pouted. Kat rolled her eyes. “Alright get in.” She knew me so well. I climbed in the X-Wing. “Can you-can you please get in properly? You look like a spider the way you climb up.” Adjusting myself in the seat, I propped myself on the door. She started to clean off my boot scuff marks. “I just finished cleaning.” She mumbled. I rolled my eyes. “I hate how crazy you pilot’s get with your ships.” “You could’ve been a pilot, but you became a teacher.”

“Alright! Tone it. As much as I would like to fly with you on missions, I much rather not have to deal with Dameron.” I said leaning back and resting my legs on the pilot seat. “You mean your boyfriend? Just think, he’d be even more annoying up there.” I ignored her. I hated when people called Poe my boyfriend; I genuinely hate him. He’s so arrogant and annoying, he doesn’t know when to stop. He won’t get it through that stick skull of his THAT. I. DO. NOT. NOR. WILL. EVER. LIKE. HIM! “As much as he would like to hear it, I don’t.” I picked the dirt from my nails. Kat hit my legs, “Ouch!” I removed them from on top of the seat. “Oh, Kat! Let me tell you about my horrible, horrible, situation.” “I’m pretty sure it’s not that horrible.” She replied rolling her eyes. “No, but it is! Luke and Leia want me to teach that Jedi girl and she’s the worse!” I started to fumble through one of the compartments until I found her shades. “I’m sure it’s not that bad.” Kat chuckled. I slide the shades on and faced Kat. “No, she doesn’t listen, constantly ask questions, uses the force and she’s not supposed to, and she’s so bland and boring.” I collapsed my body on the side of the X-Wing. “And you know she’s only a few years younger than us?!” “Sounds like you’re considering making different life choices?” Kat asked cleaning up the remainder of the tools she was using. I sat in silence thinking of a plan, waiting for Kat to return. “Let’s go on a trip!” I exclaimed. “A trip? Y/N, I just came back from-” “Please Kat! Just one time, please!” I pleaded. It only takes Kat a good three times before she would give in. “Alright, alright.” She hopped in the pilot seat. “Where to?” “Tuluska XY!”

“Urgh Kat, I love this planet it’s so beautiful, so refreshing, and so posh.” I took in a deep breath. I looked around seeing all the beautiful men and women in the most beautiful ensembles, laughter and happiness poured from every opening. Families enjoying their vacation out on the beautiful beach or parasailing, and all the sticky-faced kids from all the sweets. “I can’t wait until I have a family and take them here.” I sighed. “I know, you say this everytime we come here.” Kat huffed. “Oh shut up! You love it too!” “I know, but-” I stopped walking, only to see Kat a few steps back, staring into a shop window. “What are you looking at?” I walked up to her, only to be pulled somewhere. “Kat, what’s your problem?” I asked. Still ignoring me she walked up to a worker. I gruffed and took a look around the boutique. It was beautiful and had a wide arrangement of one-of-a-kind gowns. “Y/N!” Kat called. Oh, now she wanted to talk to me. I walked my way to her. “You need to try this on.” She begged. “What? All that for this?!” I asked. The lady was waiting for me in the dressing room. “Kat!” “Please?!” “Kat, we can’t even afford this!” “Hey, I know that! I told them we are looking for an idea for your wedding dress.” I rolled my eyes and went in the room.

I never went in the shops on Tuluska, mainly because I can’t afford anything. But, this was the first time I had people help me put on clothes and there wasn’t even a mirror. Once I was finished, the lady led me out to a podium with mirrors. Kat sat there helping herself to two glasses of Champagne. “Hey!” I snapped. “Remember you’re the one flying.” She looked up and her mouth fell open. I stepped on the podium and everyone in the shop turned to stare at me. “Y/N, stars, you look amazing.” I turned to look at myself. Damn! I did look good. The black fabric and sequin just cascaded down my curves in a pool of fabric at my feet. “Too bad it’s a wedding.” The lady said. “What? Oh yes, the bride can’t wear black.” I nervously chuckled.”Urgh, I wish I could have this dress, it’s so beautiful. Look at the detailing.” “How much is it?” Kat asked. “It’s 6,500 credits.” The lady replied. Both of our eyes widened. There was no one in the galaxy I would EVER be able to afford this dress. I sighed and decided to bask in this fabulousness one last time. “Damn, I look good in black.” I strutted around the circular podium. “Now I know why the First Order does it.” Kat got up and punched my arm. I grabbed the spot. “Y/N, we are literally wearing Resistance jackets!” “I’m just saying,” I whispered. I started to make my way back to the dressing room. “Well, my dreams are already crushed, doesn’t make sense to keep wearing it.”

It took about a good five minutes before we left the store. I just couldn’t part with it! “I hate you, Kat. You made me try on a dress I can’t have.” I folded my arms. Kat rolled her eyes. “Stop whining.” We proceeded down the road until we saw a group of stormtroopers. “Tuluska is under the rule of the First Order?” I asked.”No, they’ve been trying to stay neutral.” Kat’s hand gripped my wrist tightly; the troopers started walking in our direction. “Come on!” Kat pulled me in various directions and alleyways trying to make our way back to the ship. “You two, halt!” And of course, we had to be stopped. The troopers moved closer. I never saw one in person, well I mean if you count Finn. They were so tall and big, how did they even move in all of that? Were they hot under all that? In a blink of an eye, Kat pulled out a small blaster and shot the two troopers right in the chest. “KAT!” I yelled. “Run!” She pushed me. We ran down the alleyway. “Why did you do that?! We were fine.” I yelled. “It was only a matter of time before the realize our jackets.” She replied. Kat yelped behind me. I turned to see Kat being held by a pair of troopers. “Kat!” I yelled moving forward. “Don’t take another step.”

My blood ran cold, from the mechanical voice. I slowly turned around. It was Kylo Ren, THE Kylo Ren, mask and all. “They’re resistance members, this one is a pilot.” One trooper spoke. He turned his attention to Kat. “A pilot?” “Do you want us to take us to take her in for interrogation, Commander?” “No, we can just kill her.” With that, he ignited his lightsaber. HOLY SHIT! Was it cool, but right now, I can’t compliment him on how bad ass he looks? “NO PLEASE!” I jumped in front of him. “Please don’t kill her! Don’t kill my best friend. I’ll talk to you. I’ll tell you anything! I’ll tell you about Poe and Luke and even that new Jedi girl.” Kat tried wiggling from the drips of the armored men. “Y/N! You can’t do that. What about the resistance?” “Fuck the resistance! There’s no resistance without you there, you’re my best friend. I’m pretty sure Bunhead wouldn’t mind the sacrifice, she’d probably do the same for Finn!” I yelled at her. Turning back with caution, I approached him. “Look, Mr. Kylo Ren. Please don’t kill my best friend. I’ll talk, it is super easy. I talk a lot when I’m nervous.” His mask just stared back at me and it wasn’t helping. Was he going to talk or were going to just stand here until the sunset? I heard Kat call out my name before my vision went black.

I woke up in a cold metal room, handcuffed to a table. The masked man came into view and sat in front of me. “I’m listening.” He said. I cleared my voice and the words came stumbling out. I don’t even know what I’m saying. To be honest, I think I was just ranting about everything. “And then, I got removed from the daycare section because the other teacher told the General I was telling stories about Darth Vader and was giving out Darth Vader stickers. I mean all of this is true, but I mean you can’t teach kids history by only telling one side. And those stickers were so cute and they all loved them! And that’s how I started to teach the older kids. They were being recruited for jobs, which is how I met Poe. Urgh, that self-absorbed loverboy. He doesn’t understand the word no. Like every other girl likes you, just go for them! Everyone swears we are the next Han and Leia.” I stopped talking realizing that I was talking about his parents. “Anyway,” I continued “And Poe was the one who told Luke that I should teach Finn and Bunhead. Finn is cool, but oh my stars! That Jedi girl is super annoying, I understand why you wanted to fight her. I tried to teach her and she doesn’t listen!”

I just couldn’t stop talking about how irritating teaching Rey was and due to the mask, I couldn’t even tell what he was feeling. ‘Stop talking.��� I heard a voice in my mind. Well, it was like the third time I heard it but I couldn’t. I saw his hands move up to his mask. That still didn’t help me to stop. “Oh my stars, are you taking off your mask? Are you going to look me in the eye when you kill me?” I asked. He slipped his mask off, revealing his face. My breath hitched. “Oh my, you’re hot, you’re ridiculously hot. You kind of look like Han. Shit, I’m sorry. I’m nervous I can’t stop.” His brown eyes shifted staring into my wide (y/e/c/) eyes. He pushed himself out the chair, moving his face closer to mine. “What are you doing? Do you do this before you kill everyone?” I started to slide down the chair. “Your eyes are so b-” Before I could move further, his lips pressed against mine. His eyes were shut and I just sat there in shock. I watched him as his plush lips softly caressed mine. His hair was so thick and bouncy and his beauty marks softened his hard features. His eyelashes fluttered on my cheek. I immediately shut my eyes as he removed himself from me.

Opening my eyes, he just stared at me. My mouth fell open, I couldn’t help but be in awe of his face. The side of his lips tugged up in accomplishment. ‘I guess that’s the only way to get you to stop.’ It was that voice in mind and I realized it was him. He stood up and removed the handcuffs from my wrist. ‘No more talking, okay?’ his voice rang in my mind. I shook my head. He put his mask back on and motioned me to follow him. When we left the room it was a dim hallway, with barely enough room for two. Especially with someone of his stature. We walked down the hall in silence, with only the sound of our boots. I felt a gentle push on my lower back, making me stumble forward. I turned around to see Kylo Ren’s hand extended and with his helmet tilted. Was he looking at my ass? I quickly covered my butt with my hands. A sound erupted from his mask, was it a laugh?

His voice guided me through various turns until we were walking into an open field of Tuluska. As we got closer, I could see Kat and the X-Wing. I tried to remain calm and but I ended up just running and hugging her. “I’m okay Y/N, they didn’t hurt me.” She whispered. “You will pilot this ship to your acquired destination.” He spoke to Kat. She quickly turned hopping in the ship. His attention moved to me. Kylo Ren motioned me to go into the ship. I climbed in Kat’s disapproving way, earning some choice words by Kat and a head tilt by Kylo Ren, himself. Settling into the seat, I went to fasten my seatbelt; only to see gloved hands doing it for me. I went to say thank you when he pressed a finger to my lips. He removed it and wagged it no. I shook my head and watched him step back. Kat started the ship and soon we were up in the air.

The whole time I was silent. Internally I was bursting! I just need to tell her everything that happened. Finally reaching the base, we landed. As soon as the canopy raised, I immediately jumped out of the ship. “Y/N!” Kat yelled following behind me. I started to make my way through the crowd with Kat in tow. She caught up with me as I practically ran to our room. “Hey Y/N.” Poe jumped out in front of us. I clenched my fist with one deep breath as I ignored him and continued walking. “What has gotten into her?” Poe asked Kat. “I don’t know.” She said following me. I finally reached our shared room and waited for Kat to come. “Ok, what’s your problem?! What happened back there?!” Kat closed the door behind her. I paced back and forth, not knowing how to explain everything. “Kat what I’m about to tell you, you can’t tell anyone!’ I pointed. “Promise.” “Wait, is Bunhead here?” I asked peeking out into the hallway. “No, I heard she left with Luke,” Kat responded. “Ok, good.” I close the door. “So what I’m about to tell you, you might need to sit down.” She followed suit and waited. “Ok, wait- I have to use the bathroom.”

Kat groaned. “You’re so infuriating just tell me! Why are you so extra.” Finishing up I went back to tell her the craziness. “Alright.” I flicked the water from my hands on her. “So you know he wears a mask right?” “Y/N.” She groaned. “So we were talking, well I was talking. And he tried to get me to stop talking, but I couldn’t stop. And then he took off his mask. And makers is he hot! He has like the pale angelic dark emo bad boy thing going on, real hot Kat.” I thought back to his face. “Y/N, no please don’t tell me.” I cut her off. “Kat he kissed me!” She jumped from her seat “Bitch you kissed Kylo Ren!” She yelled. I cover her mouth with my hands. “Shut up.” “Bitch you kissed Kylo Ren!” She whispered. “I know, I know, but Kat he was so hot and it made me shut up.” Kat pressed the heels of her hands to her eyes. “Y/N” She sighed. “If it wasn’t bad enough you almost sold out to save just ONE PERSON life.” “Your life,” I interjected. “You kissed the enemy!” She punched my forehead. “Ow, and he kissed me!” I yelled.

There were three knocks on the door. We turned to look at the door. I walked over to open it. “What?!” I asked. “Oh, I’m sorry Ms. L/N, you have a package.” The teenage boy just extended the package in fear. “Oh, I’m sorry Sherf. Thank you.” I grabbed the package and closed the door. A package? I didn’t order anything. “What’s that?” Kat asked. “I-I don’t know.” I hesitantly open it. “Is that the dress?” Kat moved behind me. “How in the galaxy did the dress get here?!” I dropped it on the bed. “I didn’t tell them,” Kat swore. “Then who could’ve?” I said as I found a note on the side of the box. I picked it up to read it. “Black really does suit you. You should think about switching sides.” My brows furrowed as I looked for a signature. Flipping it over, my eyes met with a Darth Vader sticker. “Oh, my stars.” My eyes widened. Kat snatched the note out my hand and I sat shocked on the bed. She read it in a fit of laughter. “Oh my stars, this is from him!” She started to laugh. “You know what this means. You gave him a kiss, he bought you a dress. Kylo Ren is your Sugar Daddy!”

P.S: I hope you guys like it. I feel like this could be a really cool and funny story.I would most likely continue it even if you don’t. My brother read this and agreed that I would totally sell out the resistance for my BFF and for a black dress. But anyway h.m.u with the comments.