#all the times were I cant help but compare why im not as petite as the other short girls around me

[mikuyuuss]

Learning about more your body type is such a double edged sword. On one hand, it's a good thing because you now know why certain clothes sit with you a certain way, and it's a great way for you to figure out your preferences in clothing.

One one hand, if you're TOO aware, you start to perceive your unique traits as flaws, which makes you feel bitter and resentful of your body over time. I just randomly saw a video of a woman being self deprecating about her "wide rib cage" and it so happens she has the same body type as me so..... hahahahah... Why am I crying

[mojavehearts]

Fallout 4 Companions react to Strong having a crush on Sole

(REQUESTED!!) (im cackling like a maniac already) 

(I know I used this before but...This IS Sole and Strong)

some are them realising it and some are helping him come to the realisation  (some of the reacts even work together as one!)

Cait: 

Cait watched as Strong stomped back and forth in front of Soles house in Sanctuary, at 4 am, on a Sunday. ‘’Oi buddy! can ya quit yer stompin?’’ she whispers out angrily, putting out her cigarette onto the side of one of the small shacks sole built Strong grumbles under his breath which makes Cait come striding up ‘’what is your problem?!’’ she was trying her best to whisper at least ‘’Strong doesn’t know!’’ he roars back she covers her ears and sighs ‘’Listen big guy, people are tryin to sleep and they cant with you stompin around’’ Strong grumbles again and points at soles door ‘’Strong cant be without master’’ ‘’what you like a lost puppy or somethin’? yer supposed to be a big mean ol’ supermutant’’ Cait scoffs, now leaning against soles house ‘’NO Strong does not want to be, without master near him, makes Strong MAD!’’ Cait’s eyes widen and she backs away slowly ‘’good lord, you better talk to MacCready about that...’’

Curie:

‘’Ah monsieur Strong!’‘ Curie waves strong over in a chirpy tune ‘‘How have our experiments gone so far? any pain? some memories? violent tendencies more than usual?’‘ Curie had gotten some data from some ‘hospital’ of sorts from New Vegas and was testing the medication in does on Strong so far nothing was different of course Strong was already more ‘Put Together’ compared to many supermutants and it had been a very small dose, ‘‘No strong want stop, making head fuzzy! weak!’‘ Curie nods and checks her chart ‘‘When does this usually happen or is it all the time?’‘ Strong stomps his feet slightly ‘‘If Strong is near master it becomes fuzzy! want to stop! need to be strong and protect Master’‘ Curie stops writing down in her notes and freezes ‘‘Oh Mon dieu’‘ 

Codsworth:

Codsworth is what he calls ‘Smart for an old bot’ he knew from the get go, hes still full of old world ideals so he isn't to keen on it, considering supermutants are known as violent brutes as well, but he warmed up to Strong (well as much as one possibly could if they weren’t sole) and it became quite entertaining for him to watch over a cup of tea and a nice book (he makes the tea for show, sadly he cant drink it) as strong ‘somehow’ gets red when with Sole, it really makes Codsworth rethink many things

Danse:

Danse...Isn’t exactly a fan of supermutants in general, that's just the way he’s  wired (haha get it...Ill go)

Strong would always try to size Danse up, whenever he would talk to Sole Strong would be there, either watching intensely with a violent glare or just interrupting whatever he could, so he went up to him and asked what his problem was, guessing it was because he used to be brotherhood and also because...Danse obviously wasn't a fan of him. Strong just stares him down and points a thick green finger to Danse’s chest poking it into him slightly ‘’Sole needs real man, not metal man’’ and walked off leaving Danse to be (the gif above)

Dogmeat:

You know that thing dogs do when they cover their eyes with their paws and or ears as well?...Yeah just that

Deacon:

One word nine letters  Terrified 

Deacon thought it was kinda cute at first when he would watch strong follow Sole around, in that scary sort of way...in that way where little girls sing ring around the rosy or your child stands beside your bed in the middle of the night and says nothing, but then he noticed things...different things, like how he would rarely let anyone else around Sole, and that one time where they went to the third rail and that person tried to hit on sole and he chucked a tantrum and set the third rail on fire and- OH MY GOD 

Piper:

Piper was making her usual rounds around Diamond City, trying to question whoever she could about her new piece ‘’Mirelurks and their MireQuirks’’ when suddenly she saw strong browsing the general supplies store she was confused why he was here alone, things may have changed since Sole came into play but he might still get given a hard time, he scratches his chin and Piper moves closer to greet him ‘’Master friend, Strong need gift for Master, Master gave Strong milk of human kindness’’ Piper thought this was very normal in fact and did help him pick out something, but then he turned to her and said ‘’How do humans show ‘E fec tion’ ‘’ and she froze ‘’Oh wow buddy i’m not the one for that um...Maybe Nicky can help he was married once well- when he was- when he wasn't- wait was he him- yes of course- um - but its- well-’’ Strong had enough of her blubbering and scoffs already walking off to see valentine, Soles gift in hand. Piper breathes out and then in deeply but then starts laughing softly, it was kind of cute really, but she didn’t think Supermutants could feel ..Love?, Piper had already found a new, and better article idea. SCORE

Preston:

Preston sighs softly, wiping the sweat away from under his hat, taking it off to fan himself with it he noticed the ground rumbling slightly beneath him ‘’Strong that you?’’ Preston turns to the direction of the rumbles and places his hat back on, sure enough he was met with big green mean fighting machine, strong. ‘’You know master, what does master like, besides blood and fighting’’ Preston purses his lips in slight confusion an audible ‘huh’ leaving his throat ‘’Strong want say sorry for Third Rail on fire, Mack Ree Dee says I should show sorry with actions’’ Preston scratches the side of his face and stares at the ground for a minute ‘’why don't you go to diamond city? check out the stuff there I’m sure they would like anything from the surplus store’’ Strong grunts in agreement and stomps away again behind Strong stood MacCready with a tilted head and raised eyebrows Preston looks at him completely confused until MacCready takes his two fingers and draws a heart, Preston stands there dumbfounded his gun falling from his hands

Valentine:

It was a slow day for nick, seemed not many people needed help nowadays guess he had Sole to thank for this time off, but he was getting a bit restless with all this sitting around waiting for something, he felt kind of bad for wishing for things to happen but he was sick of the small ‘Lost my cat’ or ‘forgot where my nuka-cola truck was’ and sick of the fact all of those were deacon in different wigs, so when his door opened he was pretty excited he turns his head up quickly and is met with strong slowly trying to squeeze into the door, he struggled for a few minutes before sitting down, and then breaking the chair, but he still sat in place on top of the broken chair on the floor, nick chuckles and rubs at his temples why was the world against him ‘’Strong, great to see you...What do you need?’’ strong was quick to speak ‘’Paper send me but before that pwes ton and then before that mac ree dee and then before him irish lady, and now im here help strong now metal man!’’ nick rubs the lower part of his face and sighs ‘’so...Paper? sent you specifically?’’ strong nods with a grumble ‘’Alright..tell me what you need’’ it was better than seeing deacon in a long blonde wig talking in a high pitch voice about his cheating husband for 5 hours ‘’Strong been told to come to you because you were married and I need to know E fec tion’’ Nicks eyes widen slightly, the pupils whirrling vibrantly this had to be one of deacons tricks ‘’Affection? for whom’’ Strong slams a big green fist on the desk, breaking it, nick pretends the desk is still there for sanity sake and rests his arms in midair ‘’For Master! who else would be good enough for E fec tion’’ Nick could die at that moment ‘’Alright Deacon you can come out now’’ Strong roars angrily ‘’Bald man at settlement!’’ oh god so this was...Serious, nick takes a looooonnngggggg drag of a cigarette and sighs ‘’Alright...ill help ya’’

X6-88:

(petition for me to just use Raymond Holt gifs for X6 considering they are basically,,The same person like the personalities are spot on omg)

All of the companions where sharing their opinions/outlooks on Strongs growing affections on sole/if Sole would return them and all that, Hancock threw in a few sexual jokes (making everyone groan in different tones) while everyone else already knew X6 did not, and he found it obscene 

‘‘x6, what do you think about it?’‘ Curie asks with her eyes full of curiosity, as always. 

‘‘Absolutely...Not’‘

‘‘What do you mean ‘Absolutely not?’’ Piper asks with a joking scoff 

‘‘it is ridiculous at best, there is no way’‘ the other companions sigh at him ‘‘hey it could be a real blossoming love my guy, they will have gorgeous half green babies’‘ Deacon says with a mouthful of carrot X6 looks at him in distaste and turns in his hair ‘‘X6! don't ignore us, stop being a grumpy pants you aren't in the institute anymore! love is real!’‘ Mac says excitedly X6 slowly turns his chair back and stares at him through his glasses

‘‘It might be, but not between sole and the supermutant, now before you complain, i am once again turning in my chair’‘

he will come around

MacCready:

‘’MACK REE DEE!’’Strong stomped up to Mac at INCREDIBLE speed ‘’whoa there strong! you could flatten me buddy’’ he chuckled but he was literally terrified for his life seeing strong run like that ‘’Loud lady says you can help me’’ strong says bluntly ‘’help with what?’’ now mac was interested  ‘’I told her I didn’t want to be without Master and she tells me to see you little man’’ MacCready rubs his neck in confusion why would she send strong to him over nothing it was only natural that he would be if he considers Sole his Master ‘’After fire in Third Rail Master was upset at Strong, STRONG CANT STAND IT’’ Mac nodded slightly ‘’uh well...Sometimes a good ‘’hey I’m sorry’’ and some affection, maybe a hug and a gift can work?’’ strong seemed to like that idea ‘’I GO NOW’’ he roars ‘’whoa buddy wait! do you want me to tell Sole you’re leavin? I’m on my way to have dinner with her now’’ dinner!? Strong’s alarms went off in his head and he picks Mac up by his jacket snarling slightly ‘’Dinner?!’’ Maccready stares at strong, confused and terrified ‘’Um yeah...The thing people do to eat? she wanted Duncan and Shaun to meet formally? you were invited remember?’’ ‘’oh’’ strong slowly and gently (for a supermutant) and slightly dusts Mac off and turned away MacCready laughed softly at how strange he could be and then stopped dead in his tracks ‘’Wait what the fu- ‘’

Hancock:

Once the institute was defeated Hancock and Sole both came up with the idea to have a party for everyone at the third rail, all of good neighbour was decorated from top to bottom with funny decor, synth scraps, all of that (much to x6′s dislike, he still went) everything was fine and dandy, everyone was partying it up, Magnolia switched It up for the night and was singing some upbeat party tunes, and then some random stumbled up to Sole, Hancock watched for a distance he knew Sole could handle themselves so he just watched silently, it was chill and all until Strong war cried, threw the person into some lit candles which then got caught on a decoration and set it on fire and then in shock some people bumped into each other and started fighting AND THEN as everything was going to shit Sole had to jump up to Strong to avoid the fire as it pooled around them, the way strong held onto Sole, told him enough whether supermutants could feel that kinda thing or not wasn't his business. Putting out his cigarette he sighs and decides to help in the chaos as Deacon walked into the third rail ‘’ I BROUGHT PIZZ- aaaa???!’’

BONUS

Sole:

Sole was sitting at dinner with Mac, Duncan and Shaun and turned towards the empty spot they had reserved for Strong with a sigh. They just continue to smile and eat, until the door gets fireman kicked down (I cannot stop with that) and strong appears Sole stands up and strong walks towards them, a pretty sweet looking belt in hand he throws it at sole and they catch it ‘’is this for me strong? well thanks! I-’’ then Strong picks them up and awkwardly  hugs them to his body sole struggles a little bit against him ‘’is this about the third rail? its alright strong I told you that I was just busy’’ Strong ‘’I’m trying to do human E fec tion’’ sole goes silent and then smiles softly ‘’thanks strong that’s really nice of you to do that for me, but you don’t have to I like you the way you are’’ strong slowly puts sole down and sole pats him on the arm 

Mac and Duncan just looked at each other awkwardly and kept eating the whole time

Bonus Bonus

Maxson:

(I hope this was okay!! thank you so much for requesting I had a BLAST doing it!! xxx)

[rojnapat]

petition for you to actually write that essay about the paint scene, please (once you're not distracted by wtfock, that is sksksk)

okay i finally am in the right mindset to write this lol omg i'm gonna break this down since *rubs my hands together* it's my favorite reunion and i have a LOT to say.

let it be known all of this is my pov, and mine alone. if i sound passionate it's towards the people who hate passionately on it. not anyone who disagrees. i know plenty of you do. it's okay.

first of all i want to start with the controversial parts. because i don't want anyone coming into my inbox to fight me after posting this. discussions are welcome. don't be a jerk

it's too sexualized. no, in fact its the LEAST sexualized reunion clip in my opinion. nudity =/= sexualization. yes of course they're going to be naked, they're supposed to be having sex! in all of the reunions all of the versions of them are naked! do you even know what sex is? let's be honest here, all they're doing is making out covered in paint. against a wall. you can't even tell what's happening. literally there's not a single sexual moment in it not a slight indication of what the hell is happening. they're just making out oh my god. if i actually wanted to go back and watch them i can break down every single reunion clip for you and compare point by point how little is shown here compared to the others. im just not a fan of over analyzing that stuff. this one is particularly different because I SEE IT differently. to me it's a romantic scene, not a sex scene.

it's unrealistic. now yes, while i do admit it's not very likely that you're going to reunite with the man of your dreams after being apart 2 weeks pining hopelessly, and then going to engage in a paint war that will result in making out with him against the wall, i don't understand what's so wild about it. it's as realistic as any part of this story is. not only lucas and eliott's specifically: all of them are as well. im sorry, how many first kisses with the love of your life did you have underwater right after watching r+j? come on. it's not like they fucked on the moon. it's supposed to be romantic and poetic. it's french cinematography, for fucks sake.

it's too over the top/too cheesy. again, it's french cinematography. what did you expect. maybe this remake just wasn't for you. that doesn't mean it's objectively bad, thanks.

they're supposed to be teens! now, on this one i'm with you, 100%. but it's a show targeted to teenagers. teenagers fuck. i don't particularly enjoy the sex scenes, i don't watch it for the sex scenes, but they have to be there. specially the lgbt ones. it's the whole point of the isak season: to show a love story just like heterosexual romance is, because gays don't fucking live romance differently. they don't have sex differently (you get my point here dont go to technicalities), they don't have first kisses differently, they don't get heartbroken differently. i say this a lot but i am SUPER uncomfortable with all of the sex scenes in the show, including the hotel scene in this same remake. the fact that the paint scene does not make me uncomfortable makes me realize how little sexualized it is. this is probably not a valid point to anyone but me, but i'm the one being asked, not my fault you're not in my head.

all that being said let me talk about what is to me one of the most beautiful scenes in the most beautiful love story i've had the pleasure to watch.

the conversation at the beginning. GUYS!! WE HAD FINALLY, ONE COUPLE, THAT ACTUALLY FUCKING TALKED. lucas LOVES eliott, and missed him like hell, but his personality simply didn't allow him to follow the impulse that he obviously had to just throw himself at eliott. he of course wasn't very mature either, he did it the lucas way: being a passive aggressive bitch. i am in love with that stupid exchange so much. we got lucas being so lucas and eliott being so eliott. lucas very decided to keep it together and let out the frustration that had been eating him for weeks, only for eliott to make him melt with a cheesy one liner (A BEAUTIFUL ONE, mind you.) it's something that makes me love the season so much in general, that makes me love lucas so much. he is by far the most stubborn isak, the one that wants to keep his pride the most, the one that would rather get into a fight with anyone who cares enough to ask him if he's ok than to show himself vulnerable. and he just CAN'T BE LIKE THAT with eliott. he can't keep that facade he tries so hard to mantain and he becomes a completely different person-- or rather, who he really is. it's why the good moments are so good and the bad moments are so bad. eliott burns down every single one of lucas's walls and lucas cant help but let him, only to be crushed like no one else ever managed to crush him. my boy really had it so hard. can't blame him for crying in every damn episode. and when eliott throws that one line at him he knows he's absolutely gone, and you can see it in his face. and it's such a good exchange what the fuck.

that paint fight was incredibly adorable and wholesome. they were so happy, and the symbolism of it being such a colorful moment for both of them. it kills me. that scene is the best way to define their relationship if you had to. a snarky exchange, a sweet confession, the pure happiness that brought to them just being with each other, and letting themselves go, without a single fuck to give about the place, the time, or whatever obstacles they had to overcome. the way they look like they're dancing when they're holding each other.

lucas!!! letting himself go!!!! can we just take a moment to talk again, about just how STUBBORN lucas is, added up to how terrified in general being so vulnerable to eliott was for him, SPECIALLY after feeling played with and heartbroken. it's such an important moment for him??? it shows that, look at that! lucas is finally able to follow what he wants to do rather than what he thinks he wants to do. because just like he's all that matters to eliott, eliott is all that matters to him. and fuck being bitter about lucille, fuck feeling played with, fuck being sad for two weeks. eliott was there, in front of him, and lucas realized that everything else was stupid compared to the idea to let that man go again. you can see it in his eyeeees damn you can actually see the exact moment where he goes "fuck it!" and just kisses him.

now about the act in itself i don't have much to say, because again that's not what i'm here for. but the chemistry those two have is incredible. the fact that skamfr actually managed to pull a scene like that. it's fucking insane.

i have realized that i dedicated two paragraphs to lucas which i think is the point of how i feel about this scene, and i was very likely very redundant but idgaf. but an honorary mention really has to be the talk with the boy squad. it is BY FAR the funniest and most entertaining one to watch. and dont get me wrong, i love every single one of the versions of this scene, even jens', but every single line arthur had in this scene cracked me up. basile being the sweetest ever, cheering up lucas "there's a million eliotts, but only one you!" so precious. anyway i think there's more but this is all i can think about idek i love skam france i love the paint scene peace out

[blackwomenconfessions]

Why do interacial couples and mixed black people always seem to avoid me? Like there is always that awkwardness uncomfortable vibes Me a dArkskin 100% black girl?

Weird thing tho, i hate to see interacial couples but i know that, if i dont end up alone, I’ll probably be in one because im not attracted to black men. I know this is really bad to say such things but god i need help, i recently found pleasure being mean and hypocrite to people and it makes me sad and disappointed of myself but at the same time, i just cant help it right. Okay so like, everytime i see a interacial couple ( black girl and white/arab/latino/asian dude ), i always compare myself to the black girl and i always found myself judging her and the dude. But like there are some black girls that are uglier than me and they still manage to have boyfriends, like not ugly dudes, pretty average good looking dude. HOW ? HOW IT HAPPENED??? I’m really that ugly??? I remember i was at the bar and there was this black girl and white dude dont know if they were in a relationship but they seemed to like each other. But like the black girl, her weave was horrible, her outfit was like so 2008 while me, i was ignored all the damn night and the only time a dude talked to me, who told me i looked like Eddie Murphy like yooo… i am not that ugly ! I just dont understand and dont tell me shit about “but personality matters to” oh KOULAN GIET MAMAWWWW NOU, dont tell me that when they be kissing these ugly girls they are like thinking about like their so beautiful mother theresa personality? Tchuips. Physical appearance matters too, shut the fuck up and i dont understand how these girls that arent beyonce but arent ME tho manage to have boys attracted to them. I think it have something to do with curves. I am 5'6, petite, thin, big afrocentric features, my face is like ovale but like a circle, my hair look pretty good, i made them twists myself, i dress not trendy but not 2011 at least, i take care of my skin and teeth and i just dont understand how i can be unattractive to men? Can i fucking die.

And also an another thing, why do lightksin and white girls when their boyfriend is like black, they always want to make a show in front of me “ like hey look my boyfriend is black” … like not that i care about this but this is truly annoying, they think im jealous or something but i really am not attracted to black dudes. Most of them have horrible attitudes and i’ve always been ignored by them so whats the point? Actually, sounds weird too, but i want my future husband( if i ever get one ) to be asian, made my researchs and asian men+ black women is a perfect match, it may be rare tho but it works. Idk i feel like east asian men are the most serious and loyal of all and since im a money focused type of person i need someone who’ll understand the importance of money as well as me. Maybe it sounds awfully racist, but i believe an asian men or even a middle east one will be perfect for me. I’ve noticed that some east asian are more into black girls than i thought. I may have a chance with them. Im not fucking with white dudes no mo’ lol.

[astudyinfic]

Clear Conscience || 3x03 ficlet

SHs3e3:  After talking with Maryse, there is an important phone call Alec has to make.

A/N:  Lots of bad parent feels and Alec unloading on Robert. If those are issues for you, probably best to skip this chapter.

Crossposted on AO3

Alec waited until everyone was gone before he made the phone call.  He didn’t think anyone would try to stop him but it was something he had to do on his own.  This was his issue to deal with, no one else's.

The person on the other line picked up after three rings.  “Los Angeles Institute, Robert speaking.”

The detached, professional tone almost had Alec coming unglued but he took a deep breath and replied.  “Dad. It’s Alec.”

“Alec, so you heard about my transfer.  It’s much warmer here in Los Angeles than in New York but  a change of scenery is always nice.” He sounded so pleased as if this were a promotion and not a punishment.  A punishment that was entirely unfair.

Letting out a slow breath, Alec steadied himself, knowing what was to come.  “Do you have any shame at all? Do you care what is happening to the rest of your family or are you just happy that it isn’t you?”

“Alexander, I don’t know what you are talking about.”

“Where would you like me to start?  Your daughter, the child you have always preferred over the rest of us, is recovering from a Yin Fen addiction and you couldn’t even be bothered to stop by and see if she was okay.  She asked about you, during the withdrawals. Asked if you were coming. I told her you were because it was crueler than the truth that you cared more about your mistress and your position than your child suffering.  She still hoped you would come see her until we found out about your transfer. Now she’s trying to move on, knowing just how cowardly her father really is.”

He heard the sharp intake of breath on the other line, the hissed, “Alec, you can’t speak to me like that.  I am your father.”

“No, you aren’t.  Because a father would be there for all of us.  A father would have been there to help defend Jace against the allegations the Clave threw at him when Aldertree took control of the Institute.  You would have been here to help him instead of leaving him to the dogs. You are the best father he has ever known, which isn’t saying much because the other one was Valentine.

“Or are you talking about how you are a father to Max?  The one whose rune ceremony you missed because you were too busy with whoever it was you fell in love with back in Idris.  Or is she in Los Angeles with you now? Actually, I don’t care. Don’t answer that because neither of you is worth my concern anymore.”

Alec’s heart raced, all the things he’d been bottling up over the past couple weeks coming out in a rush as he unloaded it all on Robert.  Not that he believed his father cared about anything but himself but Alec wanted to remind him just what he’d sacrificed to get where he is.

“I could ask you if you cared about me but we both know that answer.  No matter what I did, it was never good enough for you. You might have tried to be supportive when I came out but then you compared what I had with Magnus to your affair and I realized, you don’t understand and you aren’t trying to.  You are comparing something torrid and sleazy to the best thing that ever happened to me. Better than being promoted to Head of the Institute. Better than being asked to be on the Council. Magnus is making me a better man, supporting me and helping me grow.  All you ever did was tell me I would never be enough.”

“Alec, I...”

Interrupting him once more, Alec all but yelled, “No, I told you that you just have to listen!”  His father didn’t get to explain himself. He had twenty years to do so and never bothered, so why should Alec listen now?

“But that isn’t even what I needed to talk to you about.  You know you were an awful father. Deep down you know it.  But for a while, you and mom. I thought you were soul mates growing up.  I thought that it was you and mom against the world. You never gave any sign that there was trouble between you.  And I understand that some people must fall out of love, and I get that. But instead of doing the right thing, getting a divorce and moving on with your lives, you cheated on her instead.  You decided that your gratification was more important than your wife or your children’s feelings. You decided you were more important than us.  And I can’t forgive you for that.  I can’t forgive you for what you did to her and what you continue to do to her.

“Mom is being deruned, dad.  They are banishing her as a traitor.  And I understand that what she did was horrific and it will be awhile before I can come to terms with that, but you were right there with her.  I don’t care if she recruited you. You could have said no. Instead, you went along with everything, you killed innocent people, and you get away with it.  Mom, on the other hand, is losing everything. Her home, her job, possibly even her life. You know as well as I do that Shadowhunters who have been deruned don’t survive long.  This is the woman you loved and married. This is the woman who is the mother of your children. This is the woman who you have spent the better part of thirty years of your life with.  And you are turning the other way when they sign her death warrant because you are just relieved that it isn’t you.”

Alec knew there were tears in his eyes, that he should probably stop but Robert needed to hear this.  He needed to know just how horrible he was and he needed to hear it now because Alec had no intention of ever speaking to him again.

“Alec, you don’t understand.  The time in the Circle, it was...  There wasn’t anything I could do. I knew it was wrong but I couldn’t stop it.  I was just there to...”

“Save it, Dad.  I don’t want to hear your excuses.  The fact of the matter is, that you are a coward and you always have been.  And right now, you are sacrificing your wife and your children’s mother so you can live a happy life on the coast and never have to think about this again.”

With a deep breath, he continued, “I’m taking this to the Clave.  I am petitioning that all former members of the Circle be punished for their crimes.  If one gets deruned, you all do. It might not do any good but if I raise the issue, they will at least have to have a trial.  And when you get called up there to testify, to explain your crimes and beg for your life, I want you to know that I put you there.  I don’t want you to die, Robert. I don’t want you to be deruned because that isn’t justice, it’s revenge. But I want things to be fair, and right now they aren’t.  Nothing about this is fair. It’s just the Clave saving face and I am going to make them answer for this too.”

“They’ll strip you of your position.  Think about what you are saying.”

Alec growled, running his hand through his hair.  “I have thought about it, practically every minute since Mom told me.  I have you thought about this at all? Can you sleep at night? Is your conscience clear?”

“Alec, look, I’m sorry.  There’s nothing I can do.”

“Enjoy the rest of your life, Robert.  As long as I am in charge, you are banished from the New York Institute.  I have a very good warlock here that can make sure you never set foot inside this building again.”

His father’s voice was broken, pleading and while Alec wished he was begging for forgiveness, he knew it was that he didn’t want Alec to bring this issue up with the Clave.  “Son, this isn’t going to solve anything. It will bring the Clave down on the whole family.”

“And we won’t go down without a fight, but I can’t stand by and watch this travesty of justice.  I want a clear conscience. That is far more important to me than any position. I’ll see you at the trial.”

He disconnected and fell back into his seat.  Staring at the office around him, the one that once belonged to the man on the other line, Alec felt sick to his stomach.  He picked up his phone and dialed another number.

“Magnus?”  Even to his own ears, he sounded tired.  “I’m ready to come home. Can you make me a portal?”  A moment later, the vortex swirled open in front of him and Alec stepped through, into a place that held far happier memories than that office ever would.

[amazingviralinfo]

Wests life and music have combined into an ongoing piece of performance art one that appears unsustainable at this pitch

In an era when the likes of Beyoncé can release perfectly formed records without warning, the saga of Kanye Wests seventh album has been comically messy. He first announced it a year ago, under the name So Help Me God, but postponed its release by several months while renaming it Swish, Waves and, finally, The Life of Pablo.

In the weeks prior to its grandiloquent live-streamed launch at Madison Square Garden on Thursday an album playback featuring celebrity guests and an army of black models debuting Wests latest Yeezy fashion line he posted a series of perplexingly self-destructive tweets on topics including his ex-girlfriend Amber Rose and Bill Cosby. Even for a man who clearly subscribes to Oscar Wildes dictum, There is only thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about, it was a bizarre display.

West, 38, is arguably the most important pop artist of his era and certainly the most compelling, for good or ill. He speaks, and indeed acts, in superlatives. In recent years he has described himself, not always entirely seriously, as the greatest living rock star on the planet, the new Steve Jobs, a potential US president and, simply, the nucleus. Inevitably, he inspires extreme reactions.

When he was booked for last years Glastonbury festival, more than 130,000 people signed a petition calling for an insult to music fans all over the world to be dropped. The vehemence of such attacks on an apologetically outspoken black man doubtless had a racist dimension but that alone does not explain why the rapper is such a uniquely polarising figure.

West was brought up to achieve great things. Born in Atlanta, Georgia, but raised in Chicago by his mother, Donda, an academic, he was given the name Kanye meaning only one Omari wise man and she taught him above all to love himself. In her memoir Raising Kanye, Donda wrote that West inherited from his father Ray, a former member of the Black Panther party, little patience for what he thinks is unjust. Wests kindergarten teacher said to Donda: Kanye certainly doesnt have any problem with self-esteem, does he?

That dude was focused since he was a shorty because he knew what he wanted to do and he had a mother who supported the shit out of him, his friend and fellow rapper GLC once told Complex magazine.

Kanye West in 2004. Photograph: Frank Micelotta/Getty Images

After enrolling at art college in 1997, West dropped out to pursue production work for the likes of Jay Z, with a signature sound based on accelerated soul samples, and then fought doggedly to be taken seriously as a rapper.

I realised that he was going to make it happen and he didnt mind being an asshole, Damon Dash, Jay Zs partner in Roc-A-Fella Records, told Complex. If you dont mind being an asshole, youre not going to lose. He wasnt scared, he had gall. A decade later, West told the New York Times: I knew I was going to make it this far; I knew that this was going to happen.

In October 2002, West was involved in a car crash that shattered his jaw and changed his life. He was convinced that God had saved his life and that he needed to write more profound lyrics. He described this epiphany in his 2003 single Through the Wire: a superheros origin story in which he emerges from a life-threatening accident stronger than ever. I knew I was dealing with a different human being after the accident, his managerGee Roberson told Complex. From that day forth, it was game on.

Unlike his mentor Jay Z, the middle-class West couldnt draw on a violent, hardscrabble youth for credibility so he had to create his own drama, trumpeting his talent and ambition to a degree that was unusual even by hip-hops self-aggrandising standards.

Im the closest that hip-hop is getting to God, he told journalists at an album playback in 2005. Talking to the Guardian afterwards, he described his florid braggadocio as both a form of self-motivation and a theatrical performance. Its like Im walking on this tightrope. Its like, damn, what if he falls? And if I do make it, its like, damn, he made it! But either way youre saying damn. Everybody else is just walking on the ground.

West backed up his rhetoric by constantly redefining what hip-hop could be. The College Dropout (2004) bridged the gulf between mainstream rappers and socially conscious underground MCs. The lavish Late Registration (2005) was co-produced by thefilm score composer Jon Brion. The Daft Punk-sampling, Nietzsche-quoting hit Stronger, from Graduation (2007), began hip-hops lucrative liaison with EDM. Most of its current stars, including Drake and Kendrick Lamar, walked through doors that West opened.

West is a tireless enthusiast with constantly expanding tastes and an ear for whats next. He has been adept at choosing collaborators, from big names such as Rihanna and Daft Punk to up-and-comers such as Arca and Kid Cudi, and taking inspiration from fashion, cinema, architecture and visual art. He is a famous perfectionist who claimed to have mixed his single Stronger 75 times before he was satisfied.

Logic would seemingly state that an album with so many people working on it would sound disjointed, but what Kanye manages to do is get the best out of everyone working towards one sound, the producer Evian Christ told Pitchfork in 2013. You cant really overstate how difficult it is to do that.

West is also an unpredictable lyricist who is equally capable of self-aware jokes, crass, misogynist punchlines and eloquent examinations of race and class. Early in his career, he spoke out against homophobia in hip-hop and blurted out George Bush doesnt care about black people during a telethon for victims of Hurricane Katrina, although he has only sporadically engaged with politics since. He is often at his best when he is being inappropriate. (Five years later, Bush called the incident the all-time low of his presidency.)

Wests behaviour changed dramatically after Donda Wests death in November 2007, from heart disease. He rarely talks about the loss but last year told Q that he blamed himself: If I had never moved to LA shed be alive. West became a more haunted and guarded figure, returning to music with 808s & Heartbreak (2008), a brave, introspective album that featured more Auto-Tuned singing than rapping and paved the way for Drake and The Weeknd.

Kanye West takes the microphone from Taylor Swift as she accepts her award during the MTV VMAs in 2009. Photograph: Jason DeCrow/Associated Press

The loss of his mother invited sympathy but the next turning point in Wests life inspired fury and derision. In 2009, he interrupted Taylor Swifts acceptance speech at the MTV Video Music Awards, bringing to the boil a long-simmering backlash. (West ungallantly references the incident on his new song Famous.) He retreated to his bunker if Hawaii can be called a bunker and made his decadent epic My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy (2010) with a legion of collaborators including Nicki Minaj, Bon Iver and Elton John. He later described it as a long backhanded apology.

In recent years, Wests ambition has become both grander and more diffuse. During interviews and concerts to promote Yeezus (2013), an audaciously abrasive electro-punk primal scream that he called a protest to music, he delivered long, furious monologues about his struggle to break into the fashion industry.

He increasingly seems more interested in clothes than in music Right now, over 70% of my focus is on apparel, he told Paper magazine and much more besides. He has compared himself to such world-changing figures as Picasso and Walt Disney, befriended the tech stargazer Elon Musk, and talked about his ambition to inspire an army of risk-taking cultural soldiers. You can see the growth from Im gonna be this great artist to I wanna do something that ignites a fire in peoples souls, he told Q.

However much credit West gets, it is never enough. In a 2013 interview he compared his critics to the eight-grade basketball coach who would not include him in the team even though he hit every shot. The next year, he made the team. West is driven by the desire to prove his doubters wrong, and fired up by his previous ability to do so.

While most high-profile artists accept that they cannot please everybody, West craves approval from establishment institutions that he appears to hate, from the Grammy awards to European fashion houses, as a point of principle. I dont care about the Grammys, he told the New York Times. I just would like for the statistics to be more accurate.

It is unclear what will happen when West can no longer hit every shot. The singles he released last year, including collaborations with Paul McCartney, were coolly received. His Glastonbury performance promised to be either a triumph or a disaster but, most reviewers agreed, fell somewhere in-between. Pitchforks Jayson Greene wrote: He is responsible for the current zeitgeist, but listening to his slightly confused new material, you get the distinct sense that hes struggling to find his current footing in it.

Reading Wests recent tweets, it is impossible to work out exactly what he is trying to achieve. He is clearly a more volatile and erratic character than he used to be. Marriage and fatherhood are often stabilising influences but marrying Kim Kardashian in 2014 has pitched West into a tabloid world with an endless appetite for gossip. It is unlikely that he could retreat from the spotlight, as he did in 2009, even if he wanted to.

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Kanye West releases album and fashion collection at Madison Square Garden

His life and music have combined into an ongoing piece of performance art which is unsustainable at this pitch. No artist can remain the nucleus of pop culture indefinitely. One day, this extraordinarily successful figure will face the new challenge of learning to cope with no longer being the man everyone is talking about.

Potted profile

Born: Kanye Omari West, on 8 June 1977 in Atlanta, Georgia

Career: Began producing music for local Chicago rappers in his teens and landed his first high-profile job in 1999. Launched his solo career with The College Dropout in 2004. Has released six platinum albums, won 21 Grammy awards, designed several clothing lines, and featured twice on the Time 100 list of the most influential people in the world. Runs the record label Good Music and the creative content company Donda.

High point: Bouncing back with his magnum opus My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy in 2010 after his snafu at the Video Music Awards temporarily derailed his career: even Barack Obama called him a jackass. In December 2014, Pitchfork named it the best album of the decade so far.

Low point: The death of his mother in 2007, soon followed by his split from fiancee Alexis Phifer.

What he says: I will die for the art, for what I believe in, and the art aint always going to be polite.

What they say: Hes a brilliant madman. He cant help himself. Like, he doesnt have the same filters other people have. He has to blurt things out hes always saying inappropriate stuff. But he also has brilliant ideas, if you can get him to pay attention long enough Madonna.