#all the other parts: exploding dying throwing up

[miss-mossball]

he's mounching meeee!!!!!!

[iwannascreameurekaa]

So you're telling me that Leo returned to what was basically his home after dying, after killing and sacrificing himself t save his friends, family, and everything he loved, after literally exploding which probably wasn't very painless, he got back to camp halfblood after all of that only for his siblings and friends and those loved ones he died for to line up and punch him?

no crying? No hugs? Nothing from the hoard of people that cared about him and might've missed him and thought that he had actually died?

and it wasn't even playful punches either because it states, multiple times in the book, that Leo was hurt and that the punches were painful?

okay Rick I understand what you were trying to do but seriously?

And the only person to do the whole "crying and hugging" thing, which is probably a lot more realistic than freaking punching him, when reunited with Leo was piper and that was basically only because she was already sobbing because Jason was dead

Sometimes the canon makes me wonder if these characters really did actually care about Leo cause it's hard to tell and now I feel even worse

justice for Leo yall this is just mean

Edit: after this being up for a while and having different peoples opinions and memories throw at it, i would like to say that Percy and Will are the only ones to NOT punch Leo on his return to camp half blood and Harley did in fact end up sobbing but he also punched Leo. Twice. Really really hard. So

one commenter said how they believed that this is a common occurrence of ricks writing being unable to shown negative emotion in a correct way idk how to word this and honestly yeah I'm starting to notice that too (not hating on Rick) sometimes I love these parts of the books where it just doesn't make sense cause that means that I and many other authors have full rein to rewrite it as we please and we're gonna do that anyways even if the canon made sense in the first place

[lagomoz]

Proseka headcanons

-as rui’s childhood friend, nene has extensive fire safety knowledge

-shizuku is adopted, hence why she looks so different from shiho. she was adopted shortly before the moon rabbit event and it contributed to her clinginess

-shiho forgets this fact sometimes. she’ll casually mention something like shizuku got all mom’s good genes so unfair and ichika has to be. um. shiho

-kanade is mildly nearsighted/myopic but spends so much time at her computer she hasn’t noticed

-emu is buff. she climbs multiple stories without breaking a sweat and is canonically part of the swimming, handball and rhythmic gymnastic clubs, you can’t tell me she doesn’t have some muscle

-saki helps out as a human notepad for tsukasa, reminding of him things he would otherwise forget within 5 minutes

-the vocaloids also help. at first it was unnerving to have hatsune miku be an extension of his psyche that knows his darkest secret (stole saki’s candy when he was 6) but now his phone has a more reliable catgirl themed reminder system

-you know that classic nightmare of leaving the house without pants? tsukasa has legitimately done that as a kid. he forgor. (saki will never let him live it down)

-in the kamiyama student council/hall monitor room, an has put up at sign saying “_ days since last kamishiro incident”

-the shinonome siblings both figured out the other one was gay before they figured it out about themselves

-airi’s great at trivia from her time as a variety show star. she still can’t beat minori at idol trivia, though

-ena keeps a diary with fort knox level security. try to read it and you’ll lose a finger

-saki learned to crochet from the old ladies in the hospital

-shiho’s most treasured phenny is a somewhat lumpy crocheted phenny holding a very lumpy crocheted bass guitar

-tsukasa snores. he falls asleep in 10 seconds and sounds like a dying lawnmower

-mizuki has learned a small bit of french from their sister and uses it exclusively to teach rui and an how to swear in french

-emu still celebrates her grandfather’s birthday, even if he’s not there to celebrate with her

-ena is allergic to dogs, the middle point to airi’s cat allergy and akito’s dog phobia

-rui has various small scars from his experiments over the years, but nobody ever believes the real causes (rocket launcher, robot bite, exploding balloon animal, etc.) so he just makes up a new cause every time someone asks

-mmj! has had repeated incidents of minori and airi’s little siblings walking into frame when streaming at their houses. shiho understands the concept of a livestream but has still been caught failing at creeping past like that one new broadcast of the guy crawling along the floor

-kanade has pots & eds, this one I have a reason for look at her symptoms. chronic exhaustion, heat and cold intolerance, comorbid sleep issues and depression, dizziness when standing up, fainting after standing up, very pale skin, family history of medical issues, pain at normal physical activities, exercise intolerance, vertigo at mild exertion, she just fucking dies during the entire baseball event, I could go on. she canonically gets pain in her hands from opening a jar girl that is not just being out of shape that is physical disability. this one I will go conspiracy board on listen to me I’m right

-kohane ate bugs as a kid. an is horrified, toya is confused, akito is impressed

-ena and airi got in trouble in middle school because they’d keep starting fist fights in defense of the others honor. if they saw the other in a fight they’d jump in guns blazing no hesitation no questions ask ready to throw the fuck down

-vbs!rin and len were given a skateboard by an and then promptly had the skateboard confiscated by meiko for property destruction

-haruka is horrible with slang. she asks the stream chat what poggers means and immediately uses it completely wrong, killing all viewers on impact

-minori is torn between thinking it’s cute and wanting to die

-toya has been banned from arcades before because he made them lose too much money/they suspected he was cheating

-ena brought kanade over for girls night and nearly scared akito half to death because he went down to get a late night snack and there was some Ghastly Creature looming in his kitchen

-kohane's parents stick out like a sore thumb when going to her live shows. it mortifies her that everyone on vivid street can recognize them as the only milquetoast middle aged couple dressed in normal clothes loudly going YOU'RE DOING GREAT SWEETIE that don't know the first thing about music

-minori knows basic programming. she mostly uses it for forums, blogs, html, other web design things usually related to idols as a hobby, but she's become the groups designated anti-shizuku tech support

-mafuyu has always been able to see ghosts but after adults figured she was just playing pretend as a kid so she shrugged and figured it was normal and not worth bringing up again

-honami has one of those massive extended families and somehow keeps track of them all. at any given time cousin #57 can crawl out of the woodwork and she remembers their new job, favorite food, past three romantic relationships and list of allergic reactions

-mizuki does doll customizing as a hobby. they prefer making human sized clothes, but it's fun to make them miniature too. they've introduced shizuku to it and she loves it, but doesn't have the heart to do anything that would hurt the doll (sawing limbs off, dunking them in boiling water, shoving wires in them, etc.)

[jadeylovesmarvelxo]

❤️

You're tired of hearing about Eddie's crushes, hiding your feelings for him. Sick of feeling second best, you decide to move on.

Beer, a pool, and a very handsome Steve Harrington happens. Eddie isn't so thrilled about the Steve part.

Just a lil two parter to get back into writing

Part one

Eventual Eddie Munson x Reader

Steve Harrington x Reader

Don't copy, reuse or repost my work

❤️

It was a rainy Tuesday when Eddie broke your heart. Unknowingly, but it was broken all the same.

He had came to the Hellfire table in a suspiciously good mood. Beaming smile, eyes shining with happiness.

Turns out he had ran into Jessie who was his newest crush, she was the coolest, most badass babe on the planet according to Eddie.

This had been repeated constantly for the last few weeks and usually you were able to smile politely, pretend you weren't dying inside hearing him talk about his dream girl.

It had been this way for a year now, through multiple crushes, a few hook ups and one near potential girlfriend for Eddie, so you could push yourself to be happy for him one more time right?

No, today it was like your heart finally had enough, a deep ache was building inside you and felt like all the pain was exploding inside of you all at once.

Tears pool in your eyes and you catch the sympathetic look that Dustin throws in your direction. It's enough to sober you up instantly.

You didn't want to constantly pine over Eddie when he didn't want you, it was agony being so completely smitten with someone who noticed every woman but you.

It was like something in you just snapped and you had enough.

"Hey princess, you okay?" Eddie's voice breaks through your reverie and you startle a little as he peers at you intently with his big brown eyes.

His hand is on yours and your whole body feels alight at just his slightest touch, it was getting harder and harder to hide your feelings, Eddie could be extremely perceptive when he wanted to be.

You needed to get over how you felt about him and soon, because you were sick of the constant heartache, second guessing yourself and feeling second best to Eddie's crushes.

Moving on would be a good thing. You couldn't take it if Eddie ever found out how you felt about him, embarrassment burns inside of you just thinking about his reaction, and how awkward Hellfire would be due to his rejection.

No, it was best for everyone if you found a way to get over Eddie.

❤️

Normally you didn't go to parties, especially not parties on a school night. However, there was a small part of you that wanted a change, to have some fun and let loose.

One of Jason's friends was throwing a party at his house, there was beer kegs, wine coolers and the biggest pool you had ever seen in your life.

Eddie was at the party to do his usual dealings, he catches your eye and looks stunned for a brief second.

"What are you doing here sweetheart? Parties aren't usually your thing?" you shrug and grab a bottle of beer.

"Just wanted a change of scenery I guess" it's then you notice that Jessie was also at the party and Eddie had noticed judging by the way his eyes light up.

Your heart sinks and you're about to make an escape until Eddie tugs on your hand.

"Hey, maybe you should stick close to me incase one of Jason's dipshit friends tries anything" you smile, touched at his protectiveness but you know deep down he'd rather be talking to Jessie than trailing after you all night.

"It's okay. I saw Robin by the pool so I'll go and chat to her for a bit" he's about to say something else but Jessie comes over and takes up all of his attention.

Yup, it's definitely your time to leave. There's no way you wanted to be around for Eddie making googly eyes at Jessie.

❤️

Between the pounding music, Eddie and Jessie and the fact you've lost Robin in the crowd, it was safe to say that the first hour of the party was a bust.

By the second hour you had gotten involved in a game of beer pong with Robin, Steve, Vickie and a few others.

At first you were kinda wary hanging out with Steve but you soon found out that he had changed so much from the King Steve of a few years ago.

He's kind, funny and kind, genuinely a good guy and him and Robin are like two peas in a pod. Platonic besties with a capital P she tells you and Vickie.

It's nice hanging out with them because everytime you see Jessie and Eddie together it needled at the ache in your heart.

Eddie joins in at one point but seems tense.

"Why are hanging out with Harrington?'' he hisses under his breath and you scowl.

"He's really nice" Eddie scoffs at this.

"Preppy, rich, douchebag? he's seen dating total babes every few weeks." you stiffen.

"Of course so why would he be seen with me right?" you ask heatedly and his eyes widen.

"That's not what I meant... You're beautiful sweetheart..." yeah but just a friend you finish his sentence in your head.

"Just forget it Eddie, go back to Jessie" you hurry away from him and curse yourself for getting so upset.

Steve notices and asks if you want to hang out in the pool.

It's quieter outside than in the house, people are just lazing around lightly buzzed, lost in their own conversations.

Steve makes you laugh by jumping in the pool fully clothed, he lets out a yell when he hits the water.

"Fuck, its freezing" and you swear you hear Robin calling him a dingus. The thought makes you smile.

"So Munson huh?" Steve asks gently and your smile vanishes.

"Mmm, tonight was my big plan to get over him. Didn't work out so well" There's a brief moment of silence that's broken when Steve takes you by surprise and you're suddenly in the pool beside him, soaking wet and torn between laughter and exasperation.

"Steve!" you huff out and his answering smile tugs at your heart. There's also something you didn't expect, a spark.

He moves closer to you and it's like the two of you are magnets. Steve strokes your cheek and his lips meet yours.

It's nice, it's really really nice and you moan softly as Steve gently tugs at your lower lip, deepens the kiss and pulls you even closer.

Steve pulls away and you both exchange a secret, shy smile at the moment you had.

You kiss him again and this time it's a little more hot and heavy. Only this time when you come apart, you're not alone.

Eddie has just come outside. He's staring at you and Steve, his expression blank but you notice something stirring deep in his eyes, a flash of emotion that you can't place.

Then it's gone and he storms back inside..

🖤

[whor-pheus]

BIG WILD LIFE FINALE SPOILERS!!!!

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ive been thinking ab joel's final death sm since i watched his episode and im gonna get tism about it

Disclaimer that i DID realise some of this from another post but i cannot for the life of me remember who it was from aaa

SO! Lets look at all the other winners' deaths first. and lets take the context of minecraft out of this, esp for when we get to joel's Grian - Jumped off a cliff. Simple and effective, but also quick considering he was low health and had no armour. In a real life version, he probably would have broken his neck and died instantly Scott - Struck by lightning. I know technically it was the Watchers, but 'divine intervention' isn't exactly an IRL cause of death, nor are 'kill commands' from a non-story pov, so we'll stick with the lightning. ANYWAY, yes, lightning. In terms of death, it stops the heart. So, pretty fast, but definitely painful Pearl - Exploded. Once again, technically that's not her actual C.O.D but once again, soulmates do not exist (in the same capacity as DL, at the very least) in real life, so we're going with this. Because of how close Pearl was to Scott when he set off the TNT, she likely would've died from internal organ damage, possibly even having her heart muscle walls rupture, plus any additional damage from the schrapnel that no doubt wouldve hit her (although she definitely would've already been dead by that point). Alternatively, you could say she died of 'Heartbreak' (because her soulbound died), which I'd probably compare to a heart attack. While you can't say for certain how long the explosion death wouldve taken because of the variables, a heart attack has an upper limit, so to speak, of about 3-4 hours. Unless we're talking about Sudden Cardiac Death which is, as you might expect, instantaneous suspension of heart activity. It's pretty interesting that both of Pearl's death possibilities link back to her heart in some way in DL, but I digress Martyn - Same as Scott's lmao Scar - He's actually the only one, to my knowledge, who did not die. Which, again, is very interesting when you tie it back to his Earth (? i think? i forget lmao) association. hes not allowed to die

NOW we look at joel. Teleportation is, naturally, not a thing we can do irl (at least currently lmfaoo), so there's not an easy way to compare it like with the others. BUT that doesnt mean we can't do our damn best first, teleportation is what kept Joel alive for so long during part of the session. The fact that he uses the very thing that saved his life for so long to end it is just beautifully symbollic. not to mention the way he was laughing and making fun of his literal hunters as there were at least 5 or 6 people trying to kill him at any given point despite the fact that the entire episode he was nervous and worried about dying last minute is so painfully joel. but lets look at the actual contents of his death for a minute. Joel dies from fall damage after repeatedly throwing enderpearls into the air. He does not remove his armour for this and is at almost full health. He is, effectively, torturing himself. In minecraft, you can throw an enderpearl directly up into the air about 30 blocks. since he was throwing them forwards, as well, we'll say its only going up 25. that would still be 25 square metres, and almost 270,00 feet. but, obviously, we're taking liberties here because it's minecraft, so lets just say its 25 feet. Still, that is an insane number. That is half the length of a basketball court, the width of about four cars (on average) and four fridges (again, on average) stacked on top of eachother. And he does this (by my count) seven times in a row before dying. Everyone else died instantly in game, and more-or-less instantly from a real life standpoint, as well If that doesn't put in perspective how violent Joel's death was, i dunno what could

big fan of the angst potential here chat

[eyneyke]

Sam is back live! pt.3

Pairing: Max Verstappen x PewDiePie!sibling Summary: What if Felix had a genius brother who works as a RedBull's engineer and is also secretly dating Max part 14 of A Calm to my Storm Masterlist

As the game switched to FIFA, Felix, already nervous about his impending loss, decided to make some small talk. “Alright, Sam, since you’re apparently good at everything, how are you at FIFA?”

Sam chuckled, his voice a little smug. “Oh, I’ve got practice. Max and I play a lot between races.”

Felix paused, clearly not expecting that. “Wait. Max Verstappen plays FIFA with you?”

Jack’s jaw dropped. “Hold on, what?! Max Verstappen and FIFA? This is news. Why did we not know about this?”

Sam, casually setting up his team, replied, “Yeah, we play all the time we can. In between races, quali's and Fp's. Max is actually really good at FIFA. I think he was even one of top 100 players last year. We started playing together and then later the thing kind of got out of hand and now there are FIFA tournaments between some drivers and engineers whenever we have free time.”

The chat exploded, and Felix looked shocked.

User 190: “SAM PLAYS FIFA WITH F1 DRIVERS???”

User 191: “Is there anything Sam doesn’t do?”

User 192: “Max is in top 100 players of FIFA?? That man has waaay too much free time😂”

User 193: “Imagine Max bringing Sam just to wreck Carlos 😂”

User 194: “I need footage of Sam destroying Carlos and Max dying of laughter. I KNOW it exists.”

---

Felix was still processing. “Wait, wait, wait. So, you’re telling me you’ve been playing FIFA with F1 drivers in hotel rooms? Who else are we talking about here?”

Sam shrugged, setting up his lineup. “Not necessarily hotel rooms only. Lando brings his PlayStation with him most of thew times, even to the paddock, in case of long red flags or something. Carlos plays with me and Max the most. He’s good and way too proud of that. There’s always at least one driver with a console wherever we go.”

Jack was now invested. “Bro, how have you never mentioned this? You’re just casually playing FIFA with Carlos Sainz?”

Sam smirked. “Max started it. He figured it was more fun when there were more people involved. And he gets a kick out of seeing their reactions when they realize we're better than they expected when we play in teams.”

Felix was flabbergasted. “So, Max just drags you into these other drivers’ rooms, and then you two just wreck them at FIFA?”

Sam nodded, completely relaxed. “Pretty much how it started, yeah.”

Felix threw his hands up in disbelief. “This is insane. Here I am struggling to get a goal in Rocket League, and you’re out here destroying F1 drivers at FIFA.”

Jack couldn’t stop laughing. “Mate, Max is genius for this. Can you imagine him just sitting back, watching Sam annihilate Carlos and Lando? That must be hilarious.”

Sam smiled, clearly amused by the memory. “Max finds it hilarious. He just lounges back and enjoys the chaos. I think he enjoys the fact that no one expects us to be good.”

The chat was going wild:

User 195: “Max using Sam as a secret weapon?? Amazing.”

User 196: “Sam out here crushing F1 drivers at everything.”

User 197: “Carlos is probably still salty about losing to Sam lol”

User 198: “Imagine thinking you’re playing Max and then Sam comes in and they both destroys you 😂”

User 199: “Lando would throw a fit if he lost to Sam, I swear.”

---

Felix was still in disbelief, reading more comments aloud. “Someone in chat says, ‘Max should stream with you next time, Sam.’ Can you imagine that? Max and Sam, the FIFA tag team, live on stream?”

Sam raised an eyebrow, clearly amused. “That would be funny. He’d take it way too seriously if he ever joined us, though. I don’t think you’d last five minutes.”

Felix laughed, trying to picture it. “Alright, alright, I get it. Max is a pro, you’re the FIFA god. But you know what? I still want to see it happen, I’d pay to see it.” Sam just keeps quiet and smiles while Felix continues fueling the chat and Jack just eyes him but says nothing.

Felix, still recovering from the laughter, added, “Honestly, Sam, you’ve got to get Max on a live with us. That’d break the internet.”

Felix leaned forward, pointing at the camera dramatically. “Alright, chat, you heard it here first. If I ever meet him and Max ever agrees to it, we’ll get a stream with him and Sam. But until then, you’ll have to make do with me getting destroyed by Sam.”

Sam chuckled. “I’d go easy on you.”

Felix sighed. “That’s what you said earlier, but look at what happened.”

Jack chimed in again, reading the chat. “Fans are loving the idea of Max and Sam playing with us together. You two are basically the internet’s dream duo now.”

User 200: “Sam is living the dream, playing FIFA with F1 drivers.”

User 201: “Someone get Max and Sam on Twitch together!”

User 202: “Felix, you’ve lost all control of your streams now. Sam and Max are the stars 😂.”

User 203: “Max is a low-key in charge of this stream and he's not only not here but not even aware and I find that hilarious.”

User 204: “Sam should stream with Max during the off-season! It’d be legendary.”

User 205: “Max being one of the stars in Pewdiepie streams without him even being there.”

---

Felix threw his hands up, mockingly surrendering. “Alright, alright, chat. I get it. You love Sam. You love Max. But don’t forget, I’m still here. It’s still my stream!”

Sam smirked, leaning back in his chair. “You just keep telling yourself that, Felix.”

The chat exploded with laughter, and Jack added fuel to the fire. “Felix, you’re just a side character in the story now.”

Felix groaned dramatically, reading more comments. “Fine, fine, I’ll just be the guy who sets up the streams where Sam crushes everyone.”

Sam chuckled softly. “I’ll try to be nice.”

Felix shot back, “Yeah, sure, like you were ‘nice’ earlier? You’re not fooling anyone, Sam.”

The stream continued with more banter and FIFA matches, but the highlight for the fans was clearly the revelation that Sam had been quietly dominating F1 drivers in between races. The internet couldn’t get enough of the Kjellberg brothers, Max mentions, and their unexpected bond over gaming. Fans were already demanding more Sam and Max content, and Max could do nothing but laugh at the absurdity of it all, watching from the comforts of his home in Monaco, counting down the rest of the day in the week until Sam comes and joins him.

[dunmeshichilchuck]

For That One Guy on Tumblr, part 3

Chilchuck x !fem !halffoot reader

@dunmeshimeshi @leguink

Approximately 10 minutes later your optimism floated away with your appetite while you stared down at what looked like a lamb chop in abject horror. 

"You've been eating WHAT??!!" 

Laois looked all too enthused. "They're good! I promise! Just try some!" 

Marcille backed him up. "Yeah I know it seems weird but it really is very tasty!"

Almost reflexively, you looked at the other halffoot in the room. Was this some kind of prank they were playing? Were they actually criminals consigned to live down here for the rest of time? Was this...actually safe?

He seemed to somewhat understand your unspoken questions. He nodded and shrugged. "It's what's gotten us to this floor. Otherwise we wouldn't have been able to buy and pack enough food." 

He picked up his fork and took a bite. "Mmmm Senshi this is really good!" 

Everyone else followed suit, and even though you figured they were playing it up for your benefit, it did seem like they were genuinely enjoying it. You watched Chilchuck carefully, and when he didn't seem to be doubling over and dying, and at the insistent prodding of Laois, you tried a tentative bite. 

It was, unfortunately, amazing. Probably the best meat you'd ever had in your life. Once started your hunger took over and you started to scarf down the food. 

Someone grabbed your fork and you glanced up angrily to see Chilchuck looking concerned, along with the rest of the party members. 

"If you eat it that quickly you'll throw it back up, and then it'll just be a net loss." He said brusquely. "Especially with our smaller stomaches resurrection hunger can be difficult to remedy safely." 

You knew THAT, you weren't fucking stupid. Just it'd been so long since you'd had good food, and you were so hungry...

Senshi looked chagrined "aaahhhh I should have thought of that! My apologies young lady, I'll make you some broth you can drink slowly." 

You scowled. "I can handle a little meat! And I'm fucking starving!" 

Chilchuck scowled right back and summarily yanked your plate from you. "Don't be stupid, if your stomach explodes from overeating we'll just have to ressurect you again, and that'd be a waste of time and mana."

You briefly contemplated how difficult it would be to get the plate back, but your knife was in a neat pile with the remnants of your clothes and you were weak from hunger. Seeming to read your mind, Chilchuck firmly placed the plate to the side out of your reach, along with his own. 

You scowled at him angrily, but were distracted by Senshi pushing a delicious smelling bowl into your hands. 

"There you go! Whipped you up just a quick broth. Drink that SLOWLY now, and then you can probably have a bit of meat." 

You took one sip and then chugged the whole bowl, gasping for breath between every few gulps. Your stomach screamed at you insistently. You NEEDED this you HAD to have it. 

A few minutes later you, thankfully, barely, made it outside to vomit up the contents of your stomach into the snow outside instead of all over your clean clothes. 

As you retched into the snow you heard the opening to the sauna pull back and Chilchuck say "you see? This would have been a lot worse if you'd had solid food in you. Come back inside once you're done and we can try again." 

You weakly told him to fuck off, and he just snorted a bit and popped back inside. 

You walked back inside already ready to be on the defensive, you'd just wasted perfectly good food after all. But Senshi just beckoned you over with some more broth and a spoon. "Now take one bite, and then count to 3, and then another bite, and you should be able to keep this down." 

you sat there and slowly, determinedly, got the whole bowl down without losing control or throwing up again. 

Once you finished, Senshi smiled broadly. "Very good! Now lets give it a couple hours and you should be able to drink some more! This was just a quick preparation, but I'll go make you some actual soup that'll still be easy on the stomach!" 

You watched Senshi happily start to cook again in bemusement. 

You sat down next to Chilchuck against the wall and said in a low voice. "Is he....always like that?"

"What, obsessed with cooking? Yeah no he loves it. Laois is the same but with monsters, and then Marcille is weird about magic. Weird magic too." He cast a furtive glance at Marcille, who seemed to be happily occupied in mending some article of clothing. "Izutzumi just kinda hangs out but she doesn't do anything she doesn't want to do." 

You nodded thoughtfully, digesting the information.

"And are they...." You paused, considering how to ask this. "They seem to treat you....well."

Chilchuck scoffed. "Ah times have changed since you were frozen, the union's helped with that. Contracts are hammered out in advance and they have to stick to it no matter what. I get paid in advance, I don't fight, I'm not bait, and I have an equal say in the party. Anything less and I'm out of here."

You nodded again. That was good. That was very good. Having another halffoot to travel with was going to be great. Just one issue....you didn't have a contract with this party. 

[haveyouseenthisskeleton]

To the fell skeletons, how would they feel when their own kid inherited their own temper/anger

Like father like child in other words lol

Underfell Sans - He's so annoyed about this sometimes because he's not very brave and that means his kid keeps fighting him during their teenage years and winning the arguments. Red has a déjà vu kind of impression because that's definitely how Edge was as a child. He's frustrated and wonders how the hell it could happened twice in his lifetime, but there's not a lot of things he can do against that so...

Underfell Papyrus - He was happy his child took him as a model... For the first week at least. After that, he doesn't think it's nice at all as his child constantly argues with him to do the simplest things and since Edge struggles to stay calm, it often turns with the both of them screaming. He kinda understands his brother now. Maybe he can see why Edge was so annoyed with him growing up.

Horrorfell Sans - He'll live. Copper is a lot more chill with everything, and more patient too. He knows his child is mostly anxious and pushing people away to protect himself, and maybe he's a little frustrated his child feels the need to hide their feelings now that he's finally learning to open to people. He keeps reassuring his child they don't need to hide.

Horrorfell Papyrus - Oh no, if it isn't his own sassiness coming to bite his butt. He can't believe his kid is confronting this like that, not caring one second for Chief's inevitable anger following. His kid just doesn't care. Chief has no idea how to deal with that and he doesn't have the patience for it, so most of the time, he gives up and let them be. What do you want him to do?

Swapfell Sans - That's entirely his fault, and he's willing to accept the consequences. Nox would mostly have an only child, and spoiled rot them to the point the kid thinks they're royalty and explodes when someone says no to them. Well, Nox is happy they don't let anyone walk on their feet... Except when his kid acts the same way with him lmao. That wasn't part of his plan. Now he's confused what to do.

Swapfell Papyrus - He created a monster. It's a mini-him, but with even fewer filters than he has. When his kid told Toriel he couldn't trust the dying hybrid of a cow and a goat, he felt so proud. And also kinda terrified because Toriel didn't like that at all. But that's fine. It's a family tradition. He did the same thing at 7 years old and almost got executed for this you know. Nox is desperate.

Fellswap Gold Sans - He doesn't discourage their behavior at all and makes it way worse actually. His kid thinks they rule the world and that everyone is one of his servants. They are terrifying most kids at school and claim propriety over half of the playground, fighting children who dare to disobey them. Wine is so proud of them. Show them who's their leader.

Fellswap Gold Papyrus - Coffee didn't mean to give them his anxiety but turns out he kinda feed his baby with anxiety their whole life so... Coffee isn't sure how he can help with that. Because just thinking about this kinda send him into a panic attack and then his kid has a panic attack because he has a panic attack which makes him panic even more. Please someone help them.

Dancefell Sans - Rumba taught them well: when there's danger, throw your dad into the danger and run for your life. Ok, maybe they're doing that because he used to throw them towards the danger to save his own life, but still. That doesn't justify anything. He's not a lure!

Dancefell Papyrus - Tango is so annoyed his kid is always on TikTok. He's even madder about the fact they're getting a lot more popular than he is and using his things to steal his own audience. Who do you think you are? He deprives you of your phone this instant! Stop stealing his job!

Mafiafell Sans - His kid is a little shit. They fear no one, answer to everything just to have a reaction and they're mostly not caring about the consequences. Fang is not controlling them at all, he gave up trying long ago. He always have 200 dollars in his wallet to pay people his kid are offending too much so they shut up and don't create problems :')

Mafiafell Papyrus - What do you mean that's a problem his kid thinks everyone in the mafia must serve them? Torpedo told them they are the next mafia boss and to be respected by all of them, even if they have to crush them under their shoes like insects. Torpedo doesn't see any problem with that. His brother keeps joking about the fact one of his day his kid is going to betray and kill him Lion King style and that he would never see it coming.

[madomens]

The people have spoken… Here’s part one of my apocalypse mini series🫶🏼🫶🏼

word count: idk it’s a long one

TW: Death, Typical zombie apocalypse gore

MDNI‼️‼️ 18+

You knew when the world went to shit that all hope was gone. After all, who can you call during a zombie apocalypse when there’s no reception and the closest person to you is 45 minutes away? They’re probably all dead anyways.

With a deep sigh, you grab your backpack with only the essentials (water, food, medicine, bandages, and of course weapons), and leave out of your shelter in the only place not crowded with those.. things. For a couple weeks now, you’ve been staying in an abandoned cabin free from zombies, other people, and animals. Minus the occasional mice. Plus it had a fireplace and a few old books to read. This is honestly the longest time you’ve actually gotten to spend in one place without being ran off by fucked up dead people trying to eat you or assholes trying to steal your shit.

Throwing your (hair color) hair up into a tight bun, so nothing and no one can get a chance to grab it and pull you down, you get the final touches in making sure everything is secure before walking out the door to either hunt or find another place not already torn apart by other survivors.

In the few weeks of you being here, you’ve searched every few days to try to keep up with supplies, but the farther out you have to travel, the more dead things there are and after all, there is only one of you. The nearest grocery store to the cabin is around a thirty minute walk and you and whoever else has found it, has pretty much cleared it out. The craziest part about it, no one wanted the dasani water even in an apocalypse. You took it anyway.

After twenty minutes of wandering in the woods and killing a few stray zombies in the way, you finally find the road. Making sure to grip your knife in your cloth covered hand tightly, you look both ways and continue straight until you come across a store you haven’t seen yet. The outside is covered in vines and from the looks of it, the gas pumps exploded sometime during all this, somehow not destroying the entire store with them.

You walk up to the boarded up door and bang on it one time to make sure nothing jumps out at you and after not hearing any rustling, you cautiously enter the gas station. You think you would get used to the smell of rotting bodies after four years of being around them but no, you still gag every time you come in contact with the horrid scent. Covering your nose but still holding on to the knife in your other hand, you slowly start making your way around the place, making sure to check every single shelf on the way to the back.

“Great,” you mumble to yourself, throwing a box of crackers that were obviously eaten by rats or other small animals. Making your way to the back, you spot a few packs of cigarettes that are completely unopened. During the apocalypse, no one is judging you for picking up a hobby that may kill you eventually. Hell, you risk dying every time you close your eyes so who really cares?

Finally coming into view, the cause of the awful decaying smell shows itself in the form of a half eaten wolf and a rotting corpse. Approaching the corpse slowly and shoving its head with your foot, it startles you as it tries lunging for you but ultimately failing due to only having the upper half of a body. You jump back slightly but manage to plunge the knife into its head, sending it to its final resting place.

No one really knows how this whole thing started, but it started quickly, killing over half the population in just a weeks time. Somehow you survived, but you like to think that having to survive all those years as a child in a toxic household really helped. All you really had to do was learn how to work a knife, and of course have a stomach to be able to stab someone in the head. You know they aren’t people anymore but.. they still look like people for the most part.

Searching through the back of the store looking for overlooked supplies or weapons, theres a sudden thump back at the front. Quickly dropping low enough to crawl behind the counter to get a good look at who or what could have made the sudden noise. At this point, you’d take a dead person as opposed to a living one. At least the dead one’s dont have the conscience that normal people do. It’s just their nature to want to kill you.

“Dude. I told you to watch your step,” a harsh whisper sounds from near the entrance to the store.

“Sorry,” another slightly higher pitched voice rings out.

You don’t dare move from your spot, not knowing these people or what they want, most of the time it’s definitely nothing good. You can hear their footsteps lightly crunching the glass beneath their feet as they walk around, probably doing the same as you and scavenging. Haha sorry guys there’s nothing here.

“Folio,” the first voice sounds out quietly, “check the back.”

With that, you grip your knife tighter than before and sit back against the clerks counter, heart beating a million times a minute. Why couldn’t they have just been a dead one?

As the guy, Folio you assume, rounds the corner and makes direct eye contact with you, he pulls a pistol and seeing how you’re actually alive, puts it up like he has a gun on HIM.

“Woah woah woah, we aren’t going to hurt you,” he says. “See? Look.” He puts his gun on the counter just as the other guy walks around to see what the commotion is about.

You don’t know these guys and you can’t trust them as far as you can throw them. He probably has another weapon in his pocket ready to come out as soon as you put your knife down. You stare him in the eyes, and slowly look over the other, taller guy who has another gun pointed directly at you.

“Who are you?” You ask. You’ve been living around here for a few weeks now and haven’t run into as much as one person yet.

“I’m Nick. This is Noa-”

“Shut up dude what the fuck,” the other guy interupts.

Nick was much shorter than the other guy, but you can’t deny they are both handsome in their own ways. Both wearing all black and sporting the same type of pistol, you could bet they don’t stay far from here. Where is all their gear? Why aren’t they covered in dirt and blood like you are? Did they have a place?

“No, shut up. Who knows what these guys want.” You think to yourself.

“Who are you?” The taller one asks slowly, walking around to stand next to his friend. “Where did you come from?”

He is not letting up on getting that damn gun out of your face.

“Why don’t you put the gun down and I’ll tell you,” you reply, heart still going crazy.

He lets out a deep chuckle and holds his hands up like Nick did when he first dropped his gun. “You gonna take both of us down with a knife, princess?”

You let out a sigh of defeat, knowing they could take you out in a matter of seconds, and place your knife back in its holster.

“Y/N.” You respond dryly, trying to slowly back away. “Look I don’t have anything and I’ve already checked the place so if you can just leave me alone, that would be great.”

Nick looks at the other guy with a confused expression and back to you. “No, we don't want to take your shit. We just weren’t expecting another living person to be in this dump,” he motions around the store.

The taller guy has yet to unsquint his eyes, as if trying his best to intimidate you.

You smirk at him and look towards Nick, him with a small smile on his face. Kind of makes it hard not to trust him right?

Feeling a bit more confident now that they haven’t tried anything, you speak up again.

“You gonna tell me your name now pretty boy? Or you just gonna keep staring at me like I’m a threat to you?”

“Noah.” He states dryly. Jesus, who pissed in this guys cheerios?

“Well, Noah, care to tell me where you guys are coming from? And why it looks like you’ve just showered?” You raise an eyebrow.

You suddenly feel a bit uneasy not having showered in weeks, just bathing in the creek nearest the cabin every so often. These guys have something you want. “Play nice,” you think to yourself.

It’s his turn to smirk now as he looks you up and down, taking in your bloodied and overall dirty appearance. “Close,” is all he musters.

You sigh and look at Nick again, tired of the short, dry answers Noah keeps giving you.

“Care to tell me where you’re from?” You ask him and he looks at Noah for permission. Noah shakes his head no and Nick looks back down at the floor. “Great. I see who's in charge here,” you cross your arms.

A loud bang rings throughout the store and all three of you quickly grab your weapons and kneel down behind the counter, peaking out to see what the sound is.

“Stay here,” Noah says, slowly creeping out from behind the counter as you and Nick are locked and loaded, ready for whatever.

A short minute passes and Noah comes back behind the counter with a scared look on his face. Much different than the brooding look he’s had for the last twenty minutes.

“What is it?” You start to panic a bit.

“Theres a horde of them outside the door. What direction did you come from?” He looks at you and whispers.

Fuck. Please tell me I’m not stuck here with these two guys.

“Um- I uh- east. You?”

“East. They must have come from a different direction,” he sighs looking at Folio, who hasn’t stopped shaking since he heard the word “horde”.

“How many?” Nick finally speaks up.

“Too many. We would all three die if we tried to go out there right now.”

You couldn’t help but mentally kick yourself for stopping at this run down ass gas station. You should have kept walking but no, a few packs of cigarettes and half a box of rat infested saltines is all it takes apparently.

The slight bumps into the front and side of the building are more than enough confirmation of the horde outside. Slight moans can be heard periodically as you, Nick, and Noah try your best to be quiet.

“This is a really bad time I know but I have to pee,” Nick whispers.

“For fucks sake can you wait?” You whisper back to him. Noah sits to the left of you gripping a knife you didn’t notice he had until now.

Nick nods a quick yes and the three of you go back to watching and waiting for this dreadful horde to pass.

A few strays make their way into a broken part of the window on the far side and you quickly take all three of them out by yourself and return to your spot between the two guys you just met.

After an hour, and many quiet trips to the back so Nick can pee, the noises of the horde finally dissipate and Noah once again, goes to peek out of the front door.

He comes back, looking a bit more relieved and nods ‘yes’ letting Nick know it’s finally passed the gas station.

You and Nick both let out a sigh of relief as you pull a water bottle out of your backpack. Noticing Nick’s gaze at your freshly opened water, you hand it to him and pull out another to offer Noah, who hastily grabs it and sips it.

“You guys don’t bring supplies with you when you go somewhere?” You ask, taking the water from Noah and drinking some of it.

“We didn’t need to today, I told you we stay close,” Noah replies.

“Maybe you could come back with us. You have some pretty sick knife skills the way you handled those three dead guys,” Nick says between sips of his water.

You glance at Noah who seems to be waiting for an answer from you, surprisingly not declining Nick’s offer to you.

“Is it just you two?” You squint, thinking about the terrible things they could possibly want to do to you if you come back with them.

“There’s three more of us. Don’t worry, they aren’t going to hurt you if you don’t try to hurt them,” Noah says as if reading your mind.

Please let the other three be women. It would be so stupid of you to say yes to them. Remember what happened the last time you trusted someone enough to go back to shelter with them.

“On one condition. You tell me where we’re going, and we have to stop at the cabin I’ve been staying in.” You finally agree against your better judgment.

“That’s two conditions. But fine. The mall just down the road is where we stay.” Noah responds.

The mall? You were there not even a week ago and it was overrun with those things. How the hell are they coming in and out?

“That place is overrun, there’s no way that’s where you stay,” you say, now more suspicious as ever.

“Not anymore. We had a pretty large group and we cleared most of it out. That’s why we’re down to five of us now. It isn’t completely clear but we have living quarters along with food and water, oh and electricity in some spots.” Nick added.

“Wait so you guys can shower?” You start to get excited about the thought of having running water and shit to do.

Noah nods his head yes and looks out the door to make sure it’s clear and says “we should really get going. It’ll be dark in about an hour and I am not trying to be out past dark again.”

“Right,” you say as the three of you grab the things you brought and head out to shelter.

“We can come back to the cabin you’re staying at tomorrow but I’m not risking it right now.”

Noah slowly exits the gas station with you and Nick following suit.

“Well obviously.”

Divider from hereeeee

chapter 2 hereee

lmk if yall want to see more of apocalyptic bad omens 👀

i didn’t really proof read it so don’t mind any mistakes 🫶🏼🫶🏼

[ded-lime]

what i think on the whole making vessels thing the pale king did

first of all this is not about excusing pk, however the 'me exploding people who say pk is an asshole and throws kids in a pit with my mind' is very true, aside from the fact that it's literally not what happened, pk's character is all about a guy who was in a desperate situation without a good solution and saying that he's bad for what he did is missing the point. just like the colour scheme of his palace bro is morally grey. there are things that i believe made his plan sound not as bad as it is before it's implementation, and some of my interpretation seems to differ to how it is more commonly seen (that i know of at least).

so what was the plan? place eggs in he abyss and let the void animate their shells and voilà got some vessels.

why have the void? well one reason is obvious - it's a natural enemy to the radiance of sorts, an opposite of light. another one is the supposed belief that a creature of void does not feel or think. also yes the idea is that 100% of them are empty, that's the foundation it is on. i believe that he has done some experimentation before making this plan(and possibly before the infection): he's the type to build and reasonably coming up with that shit requires familiarity with the void. so assuming that they would not feel pain or think could come from that, also not that insane for a god who gave bugs minds of their own to think that with walking examples of void constructs. so godly resilience and empty head, can't feel the pain he has to put it through and strong enough to contain another god.

why so many of them? the reasoning for that is the same as why any creature has many kids: most of them not surviving for long. not just the climb, but just not even being born (which i think most of them just didn't) or dying right after (instability such as turning to liquid or crumbling shell).

the climb so here's a thing i thought since playing the game years ago. the abyss memory is a dream and not quite literal. you hit an egg with a dream nail, every time you've done that you go to a dream, i don't see why this is different besides it looking differently. the real part being pk getting pv and fucking off. and climbing up in general i guess but you know that. i don't think the ghost was literally hanging on that ledge and literally falling off after some screenshake. it's a representation of ghost and/or every other vessel getting left behind and pv leaving. and getting charm about uniting the void right after plays more into it.

the climb in itself could be a way to see which ones are stable enough, could also be a culture thing as rotten eggs all around hallownest may suggest that they are a bit more like actual animals in regard to offspring. (don't forget that this is not human society we are talking about.)

the main fucked-up-and-feeling-guilty-about thing in this whole ordeal is letting the void consume thousands of your yet unborn children inside out and subsequently animating them with it or let radiance kill everyone and picking the first one. which is you know, sucks and is pretty fucked up and he did indeed feel guilty about it. well that and then the whole hollow knight ordeal later but that's pretty straightforward. does he realise that they are not empty? like yeah probably suspected it at the very least, but that's when you can't just drop everything you've done up to this point to save everyone. only thing that does is add more guilt and drama.

the things done and decisions made were not to be cruel or evil or whatever, we don't see what this place was like before the infection and for all we know he saw the future and still thought this was the best option. how fucked up would that be huh

[ratgirlexe]

Beyond Citadel

CWs: Gun Violence, Death, Gore, Incest, Body horror.

Beyond Citadel is a beautiful indie boomer shooter style FPS. It's gunplay is fantastic, it's story is esoteric, and it's atmosphere is beautiful. It's a great game and I highly recommend it with some very heavy caveats. It is a game that leans into the ultra violence inherent to the act of killing someone with a gun, and as such it's a game that comes with some pretty heavy Content warnings. While I feel some other retro-inspired FPS games as of late have also leaned into this idea of hyper-violence, (ULTRAKILL springs to mind) there's a certain grainy grit to it that I really enjoy that other games lack. ULTRAKILL, for all of it's blood-is-fuel ultraviolence rarely leans into what that sort of violence looks like in reality. In contrast, Beyond Citadel is *gruesomely* aware of what it looks like to hold a gun to someone's head and pull the trigger. It revels in this fact. The girls in this game are highly "gib"-able and as such you will regularly throw a grenade into a crowded room and after it explodes walk into a room full of viscera and half-dead women panting or gurgling on their own bloom, many of whom are now missing limbs. It does so with a delightful PNG aesthetic that is both wonderfully simple, and extremely detailed. If you shoot one of these PNG soldiers in the arm, their arm will be blown off, shoot them in the head and you'll punch a hole in their skull. Playing this game feels like the way reactionary talking heads discussed the dangers of violent video games in the aughts. Playing this game feels like being a cat playing with a dying rat. It's wonderful! I love it. But beyond this the game is just extremely fun to play. Shooting and reloading a weapon in this game feels like porn in every sense of the word. While some milsims might have more detailed mechanics for jamming/loading/unloading/fixing/repairing guns, Beyond Citadel allows for a degree of control that feels accurate and realistic, without being so bogged down in the details of how every individual part of the weapon goes together. Reloading takes three separate buttons, each of which represents a unique aspect of the reloading process. For some guns, reloading is as simple as loading a bullet into a chamber, some are significantly more complicated, involving a set 5 button-press combination of inputs. This might sound finicky and difficult to manage, but in the midst of combat it allows for a degree of panic when a gun randomly jams, or you're forced out of your comfort zone. This also adds a level of balance to some of the stronger weapons. Easy-to-use weapons might have simple reloading mechanics, while powerful heavy weaponry requires a significant amount of inputs to reload, but can blow most enemies away when they have ammo.

An anecdote on this topic that endlessly delights me, is the fact that at one point I managed to fully jam the AMR by accidentally reloading it's magazine with an open chamber and a bullet already loaded. This meant that the bullet in the open chamber couldn't be slotted, and since the chamber was open I couldn't fire. I had to take out the full magazine, close the chamber, fire while the magazine was unloaded, then reload the magazine to actually utilize the weapon, and the fact that this is simulated so accurately continues to blow me away. In any other arcade-style FPS this wouldn't be possible, since reloading would either be automated or simplified to a single button press but even so, the fact that you can fuck up your weapon that badly just by reloading it improperly is a really beautiful bit of programming to me.

But those are still really just the tip of the iceberg, as there's a lot going on in the deeper levels and the story that I want to discuss as well! This will be veering away from the format of a game review and into a short essay on my thoughts, but I'll keep the spoilery bits below the cut.

So. Beyond Citadel is weird, right? Like. The vibes are fantastic, but ultimately the story it's telling is pretty contemplative which is in stark contrast to the ultra-violence that is the gameplay. This can be seen in the simple music choice, which is largely soft piano tracks (with the occasional bit of upbeat electro retro goodnes) which make the game almost peaceful as you blow through swarms of demons and gun-wielding girls. It lends itself to a really beautiful experience, which leaves you almost in a trance as you progress through the game, even as the *act* of what you're doing is gruesome and awful. In my mind it mirrors the way in which the Martyr is progressing through the story. She's not here for the killing, even as every other NPC begs her to kill and kill and kill, she just... does not care. She's not here for that. She'll do it, yes, because she has to, but there's an air of indifference that really lends to that feeling of being a force of nature. This is increasingly explicit as you get deeper into the game, killing demons almost as an afterthought. Early on you're ducking behind cover, taking potshots at grunts and picking enemies off one by one, but by the end of the game you're nearly unkillable, even on the hardest difficulty. At a certain point the game just gives up on the idea of having lives entirely, and that's great! It's fun to see a game that is so willing to break its own rules for what the game *is*.

And then you beat the game. You kill the last demon, and that's that! The goal given to you by basically every character is complete. You kill the final boss, and that's that. It's a fine fight, and the level containing it is *genuinely* a bit cruel, but at that point you're so kitted out that even when the game is being unfair you can blast your way through most of your problems with ease.

And then the game gives you a fucking wall-run.

It gives you a wallrun *after* you beat the game, which is used in no other part of the game, but the epilogue.

It's truly a beautiful amazing thing, and I was genuinely floored. After such a delightful, fun game, it feels like a flex by the developer to have what would be a mainline mechanic in basically any other game, included essentially as a little bonus flair on top.

If this game was not made by a solo developer, if it had a publisher that was dictating what could and couldn't be in the game, this decision would never be made. It's genuinely insane to put your coolest power up in a handful of bonus levels at the end of the game, and not even allow for it to be used to break earlier levels in new game plus. And that led me to consider more on how *none* of this game could really have been made with significant publisher oversight, or as anything but the vision of one person who clearly loves guns and loves retro FPS games.

Much has been said by the developer about how this is *NOT* a guro fetish game. How this is *NOT* a porn game that freaks *DEFINITELY* should not get off to. And while I get where the developer is coming from (plenty of Japanese games are labeled as "fetish art" just because they feature anime style women), I do think there's a reason that my guro-fetish loving ass enjoys this game. Maybe the developer doesn't view it as fetish art, but when the girls are panting on the ground, gurgling on their own blood and you get to stomp their lights out, or put a bullet in their brain, or chop them up until their guts come out, it *is* pretty delightful.

But none of that would be possible with a publisher lording over the game. Hell, I don't even think the gunplay mechanics could get put in a more mainstream game that wasn't advertising itself as a tactical milsim.

Because this game is risky! It's niche! It's a small game where you blow pretty anime girl's brains out with guns that feel like glossier adaptations of real life weapons. Clearly a ton of love went into this game, but ultimately that descriptor just isn't going to fly with most audiences. Most people who like "violent" video games like games where there's a bit of blood, or you can chop peoples arms off and its a bit red inside. Most people do not want a game where when you die your guts come spilling out and you get to watch in your final moments as a giant spider creature tears your body apart until all you are is a severed head above a ribcage and spine. Most people who like FPS games like the feeling of shooting a gun without having any conception about what that actually entails. They like when you press R to reload and a gun has a good spray pattern or whatever, not when you have to actively unload the last chamber, and manually put in each bullet, and pull the handle on your SMG and your guns jam and sometimes you reload it wrong and your gun is out of commission until you do a 5 step process to fix it. Most people who like games with rich narratives like games where the story feels like a sweeping narrative, not a game where the story is patched together from different esoteric things people tell you, in which the story largely revolves around the fact that the main character and her little brother fucked. While this game is fantastic, it's just not a game for most people. I have several friends I love to recommend games to, and even then there's only one of them that I can *actually* recommend the game to, because a third of them will be put off by the scantily clad women, half will be put off by the gore, and the rest probably just wouldn't enjoy the gunplay or style of game that it is.

And that's okay! That's great! I'm just so glad that I played it, because this game feels laser targeted to me specifically, and it's a game I will be thinking about and replaying for a very very long time to come.

[ducktracy]

are you anti "sour-puss" daffy? that characterization of him is the primary one in my head. like duck amuck is epitome of daffy in my mind.

CRACKS KNUCKLES SO LOUDLY THEY EXPLODE. i’m giving my “HEADS UP THIS WILL LIKELY BE EXHAUSTIVE” warning now because i love love love love love love love love any chance to talk and analyze and pontificate about the duck. TLDR: YES AND NO

SO. i don’t consider myself “anti sour-puss” so much as i would consider my stance “if Daffy has to be more egocentric and miserly than he usually is then i prefer a very specific set of circumstances for this to be the case”. i have warmed up to the Jones and Freleng duck of the ‘50s onward CONSIDERABLY in recent years—there was a point where i just refused to touch any Daffy short made after a certain point because i knew it would make me frustrated and sad and mad and that’s, respectfully, ridiculous!

it took me watching the Speedy and Daffy cartoons to realize that Daffy in THOSE shorts is what i thought Daffy was in the Jones and Freleng shorts. it dwindles a bit over time (compare how he behaves in The Hunting Trilogy to something like Ali-Baba Bunny, which is a short i still have yet to come around to for that reason—i don’t like the “MINE MINE MINE GO GO GO DOWN DOWN DOWN” duck very much and my issue was that i thought he behaved that way in every single cartoon after a certain point which is thankfully incorrect!), but there’s still some nuance. by the time we’re getting to shorts where Daffy is saying “HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU NOT TO STARVE ON MY PROPERTY” is when i fully throw in the towel lol

another thing that’s helped me warm up is the realization that Daffy’s personality change is not nearly as objective as it’s made out to be. he has always had an ego, he’s always been reckless, impulsive, and yes, this absolutely includes the ‘30s shorts! Chuck’s Duck is Chuck’s Duck from day one with the line “not bad for a guy that never took a lesson in his life!”.

Scalp Trouble has Daffy on an ego trip fancying himself as an army general (and there is a legitimate, honest to god small dick metaphor joke in that short because he has this huge giant sword sheath that is indiscreetly phallic in design, only to reveal a tiny little dagger), ordering people around and essentially LARPing in this role we immediately know is way too big for him. and when it comes time to battle, what does he do but spend the majority of his time cowering in a corner.

he’s always had these traits! maybe they’re a bit more primitive earlier on, some other traits are a greater priority. but Drip-Along Daffy is one of my favorite Chuck Jones shorts because it’s basically a sequel to The Great Piggy Bank Robbery. and you could argue the same with Duck Dodgers! all shorts have him fantasizing about a hero role that is clearly too big for him to fill, and he is absolutely getting the biggest kick out of assuming this role. Drip-Along is still early enough to also have this sort of innocence and unflappability (that may more accurately be described as delusion or ignorance): when Daffy gets no reception whatsoever in the bar, instead of screaming at everyone to look at him, he just marches to the next order of business and indulges in his next part of his fantasy. this NEVER would have happened had the short come out 5-10 years after when it did.

likewise, the Daffy of the ‘50s and ‘60s is still insane, it’s just a different manifestation of how that’s the case. earlier on, he’s a bit more visibly unhinged. his HOOHOOHOOing fits are a catharsis that you can just FEEL crawling up his throat and dying to get out, and in the really early shorts you can see this sort of half and half battle between cognizance and succumbing to insanity (The Daffy Doc and Porky’s Last Stand especially come to mind). it’s an insanity that relieves itself through sheer manic catharsis. as time goes on, he matures a bit, he knows how to keep better wraps on it; the manners in which he gratifies his impulses just shifts.

and also, Daffy can still very much be a sourpuss early on! Bob McKimson’s Daffy, whose interpretation is very integral in my sort of mental default of who Daffy is, can be very bitter and cynical in particular! or, again, early shorts like The Daffy Doc or Scalp Trouble where he’s more argumentative and his ego is clearly much more tender.

the seeds of what Daffy would become have all been planted, and so that’s allowed me to bristle a bit less and lower my haunches. and i am making more progress in coming around to the later shorts! i’ve been on a Chuck Jones kick recently and been watching lots of Chuck Jones Daffy shorts and enjoying them. i love Drip-Along, Duck Dodgers, Duck Amuck, Deduce You Say, Robin Hood Daffy—i’ve even come around to Rabbit Seasoning which is kind of NUTS to me because there was awhile where i was acting like Bugs and Daffy shorts killed my firstborn. “pronoun trouble” is an inside joke with my friend and dear lord i laugh every time at Daffy’s reactions to Elmer falling for Bugs’ drag act, and the ENDING!!!! omg. i love it. i’ve come around to Beanstalk Bunny as well! it’s a great short!! in getting to know the duck better and understanding how nuanced his development is, i’ve gone a bit softer which is good.

i was just chatting about this recently—i think most of the thorns in my side come from the Daffy and Bugs pair-ups. what i like best and get most out of each character, i get none of when they’re together. i’d rather see Bugs behaving and doing something else, and the same for Daffy. i’m not opposed to a sourpuss Daffy so much as i really don’t like seeing him suffer. i feel like the Bugs and Daffy shorts “punch down” a bit more on him, and i still haven’t found a way to really properly articulate this… i’ll just copy and paste what i was saying the other day here:

Daffy earlier on has all the traits above we talked about, but the difference is that he isn’t really shamed for them outright? of course we’re meant to laugh at his cowardice as he says “go… back… in again….” to the giant towering rat gangster he screamed at to confront him, we’re of course supposed to laugh at the asininity and selfishness of him dodging the draft and taking the Little Man From the Draft Board down with him by locking him in a safe and suffocating him. Daffy isn’t exactly meant to be a role model (but that still doesn’t stop me from finding his bombasm and exuberance and zest for life extremely empowering!), but there’s less narrative pushback against it. seeing Daffy be Daffy and have every action be interrupted by another character rolling their eyes going “oh brother” is where i have a problem, it just sucks the air out of the room for me. especially when Daffy is made to feel ashamed or beaten down for this as well. that’s why i enjoy shorts like Beanstalk Bunny or Drip-Along so much, ending with stuff like “it’s a living!” or being contented in his new position that is often very degrading and a direct consequence of his impulsiveness. a huge part of Daffy’s charm for me is his resilience (even if that equates to ignorance at times), if he wants something he will go to absolutely asinine lengths to get it! and i love that! his drive is so admirable! and i just feel like after awhile that resilience is lost. the issue isn’t that Daffy is a loser, as he’s lost quite a bit before that—moreso, he doesn’t have that good humor about being a loser anymore

I’M ALMOST DONE I PROMISE. but my tags in that video post, as i said in them, i watched The Million Hare the other day which is a short i very much dislike. and it’s not really out of anger or “UUUURGH NOT MY DAFFY”, but moreso it just makes me SO. DAMN. DEPRESSED.

this is the most soul sucking image i’ve ever seen. i get genuinely sad that the cartoons have devolved to starting with “characters watching TV because they’re too bored to do anything, and Bugs just joins him”. no part of this is the resilient, impulsive, manic, pleasure seeking duck that carried us through the past few decades. and this certainly doesn’t represent the wily, impish, inciting rabbit of the past few decades either! Bugs has a greater excuse since i know there’s the pattern of his domestication and Jones’ rule of Bugs minding his own business before being provoked, etc. but man. this image just represents all of my problems with the later shorts and dynamics. the characters are hollow and so are the stories and the directors are checked out or moving onto greater things, and i think all of that just coagulates and manifests in the characters.

I HAVE SO MUCH MORE I CAN SAY but i’m finally realizing i’ve gone on way way way too long and don’t even know if i answered the question all that well LOL. don’t even get me started on “modern”interpretations of Daffy… [starts ranting about how TLTS killed my family for the 80th time as i’m gently lured into the nursing home].

BUT! to answer your question! i’m not really opposed to a more cynical and conceited duck because those traits have always been there, just in varying degrees of intensity. my ideal duck is definitely one locked in the ‘40s—Frank Tashlin and Bob Clampett’s Daffy have always been my favorite, but i’ve sort of adopted a coagulation of Art Davis, Bob McKimson, Norm McCabe and Friz Freleng’s duck as my mental default. i am extremely protective and loving and fanatical of Daffy, i love him more than any cartoon character and i resonate with him more than any cartoon character! i bet he too would also spend an hour typing up a diatribe on his character evolution and how he’s been sorely misrepresented. maybe. Daffy is one of the most varied characters of all time, and it’s really hard to pin him down for this reason. i like a duck that best has a bit of a balance between his traits, and i get more chafed when he’s made more narrow and transparent and just “flanderized” (for lack of a better word) to one or two tropes that then speak louder than his character. i prefer shorts that are more sympathetic and celebratory of Daffy rather than admiring how funny he is as a loser. which, he is funny! but IUNNO. i like a more upbeat and resilient and charming duck, and he can be all of these things later on, but it unfortunately does get fleeting

[serenisastar]

Dying

Jegulus micro-fic, angst

Warning this is not edited AT ALL literally just typed it out and posted it so be nice 🥺

James Potter knew he was dead long before Voldemort even raised his wand to him. Before he realised why Peter was looking at him with superficial apology and a shine in his eyes.

He knew he was dead before he saw the flash, and heard the praise of masked assailants directed to the man he once considered one of his closest friends.

James Potter had been dying for a long time now. Honestly this was just the ending of what he’d been waiting for far too long now. He’d been dying since the end of his last year at school but if he really thinks, it started before that. It started the moment he laid eyes on that raven haired boy who consumed his soul until there was nothing left. The boy who James hasn’t seen in years, a part of him would like to imagine the boy living somewhere sweet and safe.

But James knows.

James knows it’s too late, it was too late in school and now he’s too far gone. It’s too late to save him. You can’t save someone who’s intent on being in harms way. Sooner or later he had to learn that, you can’t throw everything away for someone who doesn’t want to be worth anything.

James learnt his lesson. But it hurts that one heartbreak clearly wasn’t enough for the universe. No.

Maybe James Potter was never destined to truly live. Maybe he was meant to be nothing but a contributing factor to a character arc in someone else’s story. A filler character.

James can accept that that was his purpose. But he cannot accept that it was the point of the raven haired boy with the golden snitch. Well, the snitch is in James’ bedside cabinet now but he knows who it really belongs to. Doesn’t matter how long he holds onto it, it’s not his. Nothing in his story ever really was.

No, that’s not right. The dark haired boy was his. His. To have and to hold. But all things good and bad come to an end as they must do, what goes up must come down and boy did this one crash and burn. Stars exploding in the final crunch of the universe, at least to James. His universe.

If James’ only point is to be a filler for the next generation than maybe he can at least stall the inevitable.

So yes, James knew he was dead from the moment he opened that door. But if there was any chance he could protect the one truly good thing he’d ever done he was going to do it. And that was his family.

Surely it’s no result of his influence that they turned out so perfect, James has always been rotten but he does a lot better at hiding it than he should. But that’s what they are, perfect. In another life James would be truly satiated with just them, it would be all he needed. But James is selfish, selfish and ungrateful and he doesn’t deserve all he’s been given. He’s always known that.

But maybe for the first time in his life he can do something good, he can save something good.

So he opens the door unarmed and when he sees the flash of green he doesn’t flinch. Because maybe, just maybe, there’s a certain raven haired boy waiting for him on the other side of it.

[olivia-anderson-fanfic]

Yuu can do it!

Part 54

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Kuroki grimaced, wiping the back of his hand over his mouth. They were underwater, so this really wasn’t necessary, he was pretty sure that the water would wipe it away no matter what, but… ick. Who decided that all potions have to taste like cargo shorts? Because, frankly, Kuroki wanted that person dead.

Except… his eyes caught on his own hands.

He stared at the thin, translucent webbing between his fingers.

Well, at least this meant that they wouldn’t have to pay Sam for swimming gear.

Still, he lifted a hand to his own neck, sliding his fingers down slightly smoother skin (more aerodynamic, he supposed… or aqua-dynamic?), until he touched something that instantly made him want to throw up:

He had gills now.

Oh fuck, he had gills now.

He hated Azul Ashengrotto.

Alright, person who made potions taste like pants, you’re safe for now. Kuroki had other priorities.

He turned to look at his friends. No one looked – different, really. Ace’s hair seemed to be a different color, but that was probably due to the lack of light more than anything. Their eyes seemed to glow, if only slightly (or did the white just stand out in the deep?). Even their new gills were somewhat hidden by the collars of their shirts, the webbing between their hands difficult to see from a distance.

No, if he hadn’t known to look for differences, he probably wouldn’t have thought anything was amiss.

Well, at least he didn’t have to worry about looking freakish if/when he got back on land and found that most of his new features didn’t go away.

Ace and Deuce had taken to touching each other’s necks, poking at the gills there with disgusted expressions. Ito was cursing, loudly, trying to fix their hair even as the water did its best to pull it in every direction. Enma was looking down the front of his own shirt, fascinated by the small changes. Jack was kicking his legs, watching them move, warily, as if he believed that they would congeal into a single, large fin the moment he stopped paying attention to them.

Kuroki’s attention caught on something else, though:

Grim’s fluffiness had been stolen from him. The monster’s fur had been replaced by the same smooth, not-quite-scales that made up Kuroki’s new skin. It was a travesty.

“Grim, what have they done to you,” Kuroki gasped, horrified. If he wasn’t already underwater, he might’ve felt tears pricking at the corners of his eyes.

This wasn’t about saving Ramshackle anymore, he decided, this was about spiting Azul.

Grim looked at him with wide eyes. “Is it bad?”

“No,” Kuroki lied, his voice squeaking.

He must not have sounded all that convincing (probably due to the aforementioned squeak in his voice), because Grim was devastated. “Don’t look at me!”

“‘Don’t look at me! I’m hideous!’” Ito joked, quietly.

“I am not!” said Grim.

Ito snickered. “Of course you’re not. It was just a reference.”

“O-oh! I knew that!”

Kuroki’s gaze slid away from them. They were in a coral reef, it seemed. That explained why the water wasn’t as cold as it probably could have been. He fought the urge to go pull at a piece of coral, to try and take a piece as a souvenir. It was pretty, but it wouldn’t stay that way if he took it from its home.

“Are the reefs dying here?” Enma mused aloud.

“‘Here’?” repeated Ace.

Enma blinked, and then spared a grin. “I was just thinking… like, magical waste products, or electronic waste, what do you guys do with it?”

Is it dumped in the water, like back on Earth? Or did the existence of mermen change that?

“Don’t you have a magical tech class?” Deuce pointed out.

“Yeah,” Enma shrugged. “But we’ve only just gotten to the point where magic and tech finally managed to interact without immediately exploding.”

“Well…” said Ace, slowly, looking like he was thinking hard. About the question, surely.

(Kuroki tried not to think about how much his friends had overheard. The Yuus had been careful, even while arguing. They didn’t outright say where their ‘home’ was. But how many times can you mention a home you can no longer reach, even in passing, before someone starts looking into it?)

“Most of the time, waste products are reused in some way,” Ace said, eventually. “Free mana, if nothing else.”

Enma’s eyes lit up. He opened his mouth. “Really? What about the metal, or is that also –?”

“We’re on a time crunch,” Jack cut in. “We don’t really have time for this.”

Enma looked crestfallen.

Jack’s ears flattened against his head, briefly. He sighed. “You can always ask again later.”

Enma smiled, as if he had never been upset at all.

~

Ace, with his phone centimeters away from his face, had led them to the nearest civilization. It towered in the distance, light glimmering in the darkness, a whirlwind of colors and opulence. Houses built into large pieces of coral, stained glass mosaics glittering in every window, and what seemed to be an overabundance of pearls glimmering on every surface. It was beautiful.

Despite the sight, Kuroki was on edge.

But when wasn’t he? No one paid him much mind, other than Jack, who was looking around, just as wary as he.

A few mermen floated past, but none attacked them. They simply continued on with their days, barely minding the teens in their midst, their gaze only ever lingering on their legs, and only for a few seconds before they looked away politely.

The longer they went without anything happening, the more Kuroki started to feel like his skin was dissolving, cell by cell. A persistent need to leave that was getting harder and harder to ignore.

Kuroki’s eyes flicked to Enma and Ito. He was tempted to try joking with them, his problems always felt smaller – more distant – when they bantered. But would it feel the same, bantering with them? Or would the digs that Kuroki made hit harder, feel more real?

Did he want them to?

He realized that he kind of did.

It wasn’t fair if he was the only one hurting, after all.

Of course, they already were hurt. Kuroki wasn’t stupid – you don’t ‘get good’ at manipulating people if you don’t understand how they worked. They were hurt by what he’d done. Hurting them more wasn’t going to help, but he didn’t know how to fix it.

He’d never had anything to fix, before.

He breathed out, shakily, and turned his attention away from them.

A school of fish followed at his heels, lingering close to Kuroki. He didn’t mind that much. It wasn’t that different from at the lounge. The few times he had chosen to step outside during his breaks, fish had crowded on the other side of the glass. They were just… a little closer, now.

But not too close – Grim snapped at any fish that came within half a meter of him.

“They’re not doing anything,” Kuroki murmured.

“They might!”

“They literally can’t,” Kuroki said. “They’re fish.”

Grim looked like he disagreed.

Kuroki mulled over whether this world might have evil fish.

“Koebi-chan,” a voice called, and he knew it must. “You’re here!”

Floyd and Jade floated out of the city. They were… different, than the other mermen they had seen so far. Longer tails, with darker scales and markings – deep sea greens instead of the colorful tails they had already seen. Less human, too, without a hint of flesh as Kuroki knew it.

Kuroki’s head tipped to the side, slightly.

Why would they be different?

The darker scales suggested they might be from another area, where they would camouflage with rocks instead of the bright coral surrounding them now.

They might not be from here, Kuroki thought, privately relieved that he wouldn’t have to learn whether Jade and Floyd’s parents were actually mafia members.

And then Floyd was upon him, and Kuroki was cursing, loudly, because oh shit they moved fast.

Kuroki blinked at the face that was far closer to his own than he would usually prefer.

And found he wasn’t as grossed out as he usually was.

Huh, Kuroki thought, absently. They look way less Uncanny Valley like this. He supposed that made sense.

He still wanted personal space, though, so he shoved at Floyd’s less-uncomfortable face and tried to put some distance between them. “So, you guys’ plan is just ‘annoy us for a few days’?”

“How are you all?” Jade asked, polite save for the fact that he’d completely ignored Kuroki’s question. “I hope that you’ve been enjoying your time beneath the waves.”

“It is pretty cool down here,” Enma said, slowly. “I’d love to see it more of it when Ramshackle isn’t in danger.”

“Don’t think of it as being ‘in danger’,” Jade said, smiling. “It would simply… be under new management! And, really, would it be that bad to stay in Octavinelle? Over the past day, we’ve explored Ramshackle Dorm quite thoroughly, and I can guarantee your living conditions will be greatly improved.”

There was a beat of awkward silence.

“Wait. Yeah. He’s got a point. Why do we want to win this, again?” Jack asked.

“Spite?” Deuce offered, sounding unsure himself.

“To have a place to hang out that isn’t under our Housewarden’s control,” said Ace.

Ito shrugged. “I’m only doing this because it’s my job.”

Jack rubbed the back of his neck. “Oh. Why am I doing this?”

“Because you’re scared we’re going to do something stupid?” Enma suggested.

“Ohhhhh, yeah, right.”

Floyd smiled, slinging an arm around Kuroki’s shoulders, dragging him into his side. “Since no one seems to care all that much, why don’t we all do something actually fun, instead?”

Kuroki scowled. “We’re not going to –.”

“Sure,” said Enma, shrugging. “What’re you thinking of?”

“An amateur theater group is hosting a play in the park nearby,” Jade suggested.

“Sweet! Let’s go heckle them!” Ito said.

Kuroki scowled.

~

Attending a play underwater was… different. There was no assigned seating, everyone simply chose a place to float in the water and watched from there. Because of this, people spread out more, clumping in small groups with their friends and family. There was very little use of props or set changes, because there weren’t many places to hide them outside of the scenes they were in. There were very few words throughout, instead the story was conveyed through motion and songs… which were more focused on the beat rather than the actual musical quality.

The plot itself was… fine. Something about a mermaid princess who fell in love with a human. Kuroki had been more amused by the giant prop legs the ‘human’ character was wearing than anything else. He’d never cared for love stories, so he hadn’t paid it much mind beyond that.

He wasn’t the only one that looked bored. Ace had pulled out his phone at some point – much to Deuce’s chagrin, the boy kept elbowing Ace in the side and hissing at him under his breath. Ito had taken to plaiting their hair, which usually wouldn’t take all that long, but Grim wanted to ‘help’, so it was actually extremely difficult for them.

At least Jack and Enma were having fun, Kuroki supposed. Good for them.

Eventually, Ito managed to get their hair in order. Their eyes settled on the play for a few seconds before they groaned, quietly, and turned to Jade, asking if they could grab something to eat, at least.

Floyd, who had been getting antsy (Kuroki was surprised that he had managed to sit still as long as he had), had immediately jumped at the opportunity to leave. He grabbed Ito by the arm and, within a few seconds, both of them were gone.

A minute passed.

Kuroki met Enma’s eyes. Enma pouted, halfheartedly, his eyes flicking towards the play that he no doubt wanted to watch ‘play out’, but Kuroki knew it was more for show than anything.

They may not be getting along right now, but that doesn’t mean they don’t understand each other:

Floyd is gone. There are six of them left. This would be their best shot at overpowering Jade.

Kuroki’s eyes found their way to Jade, and all thoughts stilled when he found Jade looking back at him. A smile on his face, sure, but one that showed off far more (razor-sharp) teeth than he was used to seeing from this particular Leech twin.

Would Jade attack them here? In front of all of these people?

Probably, Kuroki thought, grimacing internally.

But hopefully not!

He smiled back at Jade, flashing a wave. “Any chance I can go get food, too?”

Jade chuckled, pulling his phone out of… somewhere, Kuroki genuinely had no clue. “Of course, let me call Floyd back over and he can take the both of you.”

“I think you know that that’s not what I want,” Kuroki sighed, running a hand through his hair.

“I do,” he said, navigating to his contacts.

“Holy shit he has a bomb!” Ace screamed suddenly, pointing at Jade’s hand.

Jade’s phone exploded, as if on cue.

It wasn’t a particularly large explosion, but it didn’t need to be. People dropped what they were doing, either to swim away at top speeds or to try and subdue a very surprised Jade. Enma and Jack were among those trying to pin Jade down.

Ace, Kuroki, Deuce, and Grim, however, were quick to leave. Ace pointed in the direction of the museum, and they were off.

“How did you guys make his phone do that?” Kuroki said, laughing, adrenaline pulling his face into a wide smile.

“Well – Enma said that tech reacts badly to magic, right? So, I figured… if I just hit Leech-senpai’s phone with a quick water spell…” Deuce said.

Kuroki would never call Deuce stupid again.

It was a long swim towards the museum, but they got there without much issue.

Ignore how hard Kuroki was breathing. Swimming wasn’t as hard as running, in his opinion, but it still wasn’t great. He wondered if his inhaler would help him right now, and then decided he didn’t want to test it.

What he did want, was to get inside the museum.

But first…

He grabbed Ace and Grim, tugging them to a stop. “Head back towards the mirror. Act like you have the photo on you. They might switch targets if you do.”

Grim looked at him with wide eyes. “You’re leaving me? With him?”

“Only for a little while,” said Kuroki, smiling softly, leaning to press a kiss to Grim’s no-longer-furry head. “Stay safe.”

“We have no choice in the matter,” Ace joked.

“Die then,” Kuroki said, flatly, rolling his eyes and shoving them away.

They waited until Ace and Grim were out of sight before finally making their way towards the museum.

Unfortunately, according to a sign out front, it wouldn’t be open for another half an hour.

Of course.

Kuroki bit his lip, thinking hard.

And then he swam to the nearest security guard, his eyes wide and horrified. “S-sir!” he stammered. “There’s – there was this guy with a bomb, and we were the ones to rat him out, you have to help us, please! Can we hide out – inside here, just for a little bit? Please.”

The merman looked concerned to say the least, taking in the pair of desperate teens in front of him. The fear on their faces was very realistic, after all.

The guard fumbled for his keys. “Yes – of course, sure, hold on just a second.”

Hands settled on Kuroki’s shoulders from behind.

The guard didn’t pale – probably couldn’t, considering he was part fish – but was visibly terrified at the sight of Floyd. The man fled into the safety of the museum, leaving Deuce and Kuroki to deal with what he believed to be a very angry terrorist. Even going so far as to lock the door behind himself.

Why is every adult in this world painfully incompetent?

Kuroki, slowly, tipped his head back against Floyd’s chest to peer up at the boy.

Floyd smiled. “Hi.”

He swallowed thickly. “Nice to see you again. How was the food –? Wait, where’s Ito?”

Floyd laughed and started dragging him away from the museum. “I’ll take you to them!”

Oh. He’s going to die.

Kuroki screamed. Kicked his feet, trying to squirm out of Floyd’s hold, but the boy held fast, his grip surprisingly firm despite his slick skin.

“Nice try,” Floyd sing-songed. “You almost got me with that little ruse, you know. Azarashi-chan and Kani-chan were very convincing. But you made a deal to prevent your friends from doing something stupid! You’re not going to put your fate in someone else’s hands!”

“Fuck. Fuck!” Kuroki hissed, attempting to elbow Floyd in the face, but his movements were sluggish in the water, and he couldn’t get any real force behind it. “Come on! I amused you, right?! Do me a solid!”

“Aw, but if I help you win now, then the amusement stops.”

For a second, the water around them increased in pressure. Kuroki’s head jerked back, knocking against Floyd’s chest, and for a second his vision threatened to go dark.

“Careful there, Saba-chan,” Floyd said. “I don’t know how many hits Koebi-chan here can take!”

“Sorry, Kuroki!” Deuce said. “It’s really hard to hit him without hitting you, too.”

The guy’s body was, like, a million meters long, but sure.

Kuroki lifted a hand to the back of his neck, his head pounding. He really didn’t feel like arguing at the moment, so he said, “‘S fine. As long as you hit Leech-senpai, too.”

Deuce nodded, seriously.

Kuroki was mildly offended that he hadn’t even pulled a ‘noooo, I would never do that to yoooouuu’ for show.

Floyd laughed, drawing his pen. Again, Kuroki really didn’t want to know where the Leech twins were hiding these things.

Kuroki squirmed. Even he wasn’t entirely sure whether he was trying to throw off Floyd’s aim or simply escape now that there was only one arm holding him. He wasn’t really succeeding at either goal, so it didn’t particularly matter anyway.

A stream of bubbles came out of Deuce’s wand.

Deuce stared at his pen, mildly horrified.

Only to get hit by a blast of dark magic.

Kuroki gave a sympathetic hiss as Deuce’s shoulder seemed to pop out of its socket.

Deuce gritted his teeth and pushed it right back in. Guess that adolescent delinquency has to come in handy sometimes.

And Deuce now knew a type of magic that worked underwater. Awesome!

… it would be even more awesome if Deuce had even a smidgen of depth perception.

“Nothing’s hitting him!” Deuce said.

“Yeah, obviously! We’re underwater! Perspective is going to be off, and the currents are going to affect spells’ trajectories! Aren’t you in a class about this exact subject?!”

Floyd was having no trouble, because he was used to the water. Kuroki hated the homefield advantage Octavinelle had with a passion.

Deuce was visibly frustrated by this point. And not just because he was taking a quite literal beating thanks to Floyd’s well-aimed spells. “My first spell hit him just fine!”

“That –!”

… was true, actually.

Kuroki frowned. He really should have paid more attention to Ace and Enma’s lectures on magic…

He looked at Floyd. “Is protection magic a thing?”

“It is!” Floyd said, brightly. “But that’s not what’s happening! Watch closely.”

Kuroki turned his attention onto Deuce, who looked less than pleased about this whole situation. He looked down at the pen in his hand, as if considering throwing it aside and attacking Floyd outright.

Considering Kuroki hadn’t had any success with it, though, that was an obviously terrible idea.

So, he fired off a few more spells.

And this was when Kuroki saw.

“You’ve got the same forcefield that the contracts had,” Kuroki said, watching in mild awe as the spells bounced away harmlessly.

“Yep! It’s my signature spell! It interferes with people’s magic. Saba-chan’s attempts were set to fail from the start!”

“Well, if it just affects magic…” Deuce said, before swimming at Floyd.

For all of three seconds, before Deuce was yanked to the sea floor by the tail wrapped around his ankle. 

Deuce clawed at Floyd’s tail fruitlessly for a few minutes, before a lightbulb seemed to go off in his head, and he started shoving his fingernails between the merman’s scales, attempting to pry them off one by one.

Floyd’s amusement dropped from his face the moment his own blood began to spill. His tail wrapped around Deuce’s chest and started squeezing.

“Kuro-ki!” Deuce gasped.

Kuroki could only stare at him, his eyes wide. And then he turned and sunk his teeth into Floyd’s ear, with full intents to tear off a chunk.

Right up until he actually managed.

It was hard to tell who was most surprised by this development – Kuroki or Floyd. Kuroki gagged, blood and what he was pretty sure was part of a fin dirtying the water in front of his face.

“I – I didn’t mean to –!”

But Floyd wasn’t all that intent on hearing him out on this.

~

“Bye-bye!” Floyd said, shoving them through the mirror.

They landed in a wet heap of clothes and limbs.

Deuce groaned, loudly. “I hate Floyd Leech-senpai.”

“Welcome to the club,” Kuroki murmured, detaching himself from Deuce and flopping back on the tile floor. Everything hurt. He was freezing, and he thought that that should have been a balm for all of his bruises, but if anything that just made it hurt more.

“Leech-senpai isn’t that bad,” a familiar voice said. “He’s kinda nice to talk to when he’s not trying to kill you. He really likes shoes, apparently.”

“Fuck off, Ito,” Kuroki grumbled, pushing himself up to sit solely for the sake of glaring at them. “You don’t have to deal with him every day. You don’t know.”

Ito was lazing against a wall, a pile of towels at their feet. They were passing the time by painstakingly drying their hair. When they came closer, Kuroki noted that they smelled like their usual orange-scented shampoo. They must have been thrown out a while ago, if they had had the time to take a shower.

A towel was dropped over his head.

“Thanks,” Kuroki grumbled, wiping his face.

“Should we go back through?” Deuce asked, draping the towel around his shoulders without much care.

Why didn’t he look cold? Kuroki’s day just kept getting worse.

“Can’t. My shift starts soon,” Kuroki sighed, already dreading it.

Ito nodded. “And we should probably regroup a little. We know their tricks, now, we can plan around it.”

“Don’t do any evil plotting without me,” Kuroki said.

Ito shrugged. “Three heads are better than one.”

Kuroki wasn’t sure whether or not this was meant to be a jab at the deal he’d made with Azul. Knowing Ito, it probably was.

He pulled the towel back over his head and started drying his hair.

~

Kuroki wanted his gun back. Do you know how many of his current problems would be solved by a couple of bullets? Basically all of them.

But, no, Crowley was evil.

And so were the twins.

Just as Kuroki’s shift was coming to a close, and he started to think that, maybe, the twins had gotten held up at the – like – Fish Police Station, and that he might manage to have a peaceful shift for once… they appeared.

An arm slung itself over Kuroki’s shoulder, and he knew by now that this meant he had approximately half a second to brace himself for a new weight.

Pressure settled on top of him, but this time it actually hurt. Kuroki hissed, his already aching bones creaking under the weight.

He turned to scowl at Floyd, and found that the merman’s ear was bleeding sluggishly. The sight would’ve been more satisfying if Jade didn’t look like he was going to murder him over it.

Kuroki, slowly, ran his tongue over his teeth, trying to gauge whether there was still blood in his mouth. When he determined that he was, probably, safe, he sent a nervous smile. “Hey, senpais, how’s it going?”

Floyd didn’t bother answering him, simply pinching his cheek and saying, “I can’t wait until you’re a part of our dorm!”

They couldn’t wait until they had authority over him. Until he couldn’t simply run away.

Kuroki grimaced. “No thanks. I’d rather just stay with Kingscholar-senpai.”

Floyd and Jade paused. Glanced at each other, something inscrutible on their faces.

At least they didn’t seem immediately dangerous anymore.

“You’re staying with Kingscholar-san?” Jade asked.

“Well, I have to stay somewhere,” Kuroki said, slowly. “We weren’t all that eager to spend three days in the wilderness.”

“Yeah, but Todo-senpai?” Floyd asked. “Really?”

Kuroki glanced between the both of them, warily. “Yes? Is this a trick question or something?”

“... okay,” said Jade. He patted Kuroki atop the head. “We should report to Azul, but I’d love to chat later!”

Nah, fuck that, Kuroki was clocking out early. Income be damned, he wouldn’t be earning much money if they murdered him anyway.

~

“Alrighty,” said Ito, handing Kuroki a turkey sandwich. “We’re all here. Time to plan.”

There was a collective groan at the idea of doing anything right now.

The first years, scattered around the guest room, looked worse for wear. One of Enma’s eyes was swollen shut. Jack’s arms were covered in bandages. Ace was sporting a bloody lip. Deuce seemed to have fallen in love with a bag of frozen peas, judging by how tenderly he was cradling it. Ito wasn’t showing off much skin, but their forearms had a frankly worrying number of bite marks carved into them.

Grim was… fine, it seemed. Just scared.

Good. Kuroki would have marched right back to the Mostro Lounge with a knife if Floyd and Jade had purposefully injured the monster.

Though… he still might do that. His eyes fell to the turkey sandwich in his hand. Ito usually put in more effort. He glanced at them out of the corner of his eyes. Moray eel bites can cause paralysis –.

“I’m fine,” they sighed. “Kingscholar-senpai gave me some antibiotics. I’m just a little numb.”

Kuroki breathed a sigh of relief.

And then he paused, considering.

Jade and Floyd had been… weird, earlier. Much more interested in where Kuroki was staying than they probably should have been. Staying in Savannaclaw wasn’t that strange. They’d stayed there before, it wasn’t impossible to have built a rapport. And, besides, Savannaclaw owed them. If anything, it should have been entirely expected.

So why had they fixated on it like they had?

“Hey, before we start planning… I think we should talk to Kingscholar-senpai.”

~

Ruggie was laughing at them. They were beat up, and Ruggie was laughing.

“You’re a terrible senior, Ruggie,” complained Enma. “Shouldn’t you be a little nicer to your kohais?”

“Maybe if you actually treated me like a senpai, I would,” Ruggie said, still snickering.

Enma rolled his eye. And then pulled his face into an overexaggerated pout. “Senpai, you’re so mean.”

Ruggie’s smile dropped. He looked disgusted. “I take it back. Never do that again.”

Enma smirked.

Leona threw a pillow vaguely in their direction.

Kuroki snatched it up immediately. Free pillow! This would go great with their new bed!

“Get out of my room, freeloaders.”

“We’ll leave when you give us the answers we want, senpai,” said Kuroki.

Leona punched his pillow.

And then he sat up, giving them all a flat look. “Fine. Tell me what you know so we don’t waste time.”

“Floyd and Jade Leech-senpai are mermen,” Enma reported dutifully.

Leona raised an eyebrow. “You didn’t know that already?”

“I don’t know, Kuroki, did we?” Ito asked.

Kuroki’s eyes fell to his lap. “I mean, what did you want me to do?! Throw a glass of water on them and see if they started flopping around like fish?!”

“First of all, yes, do that, it’d be hilarious,” said Leona. “Second of all, don’t you work in Octavinelle?”

“What about me screams ‘is super close to all of my coworkers’?”

“... fair point. Yes, they’re all mermen. Including Azul Ashengrotto.”

Jack leaned back against a pile of clothes on the floor. Clean clothes, probably. “So, their plan was just playing keepaway? For some reason, I was expecting something… more.”

“People choose simple, straightforward plans because they work.”

Enma clicked his tongue irritably.

“They’re a bunch of – of – cheaters!” said Grim.

Kuroki patted the top of his head. He would teach Grim the art of insults one day.

“So, that’s it, then?” Ace said, flopping over Ito’s lap to sulk. “We’re stuck working for Ashengrotto for the next three years?”

“Whoo, homelessness arc is back on,” said Ito, dully.

Leona looked over them, his expression twisting for a moment. He glanced to the side. “I know what you’re trying to do.”

Enma crossed his arms over his chest. “So we can’t even be upset about our situation without being called manipulative?”

Of course, they were in fact being manipulative, but calling them out on it would do nothing but make Leona seem like a dick.

Leona gave in with a groan. “Fine, I don’t want you four staying here any longer than you absolutely have to anyway… the contract is his signature spell. It’s called ‘It’s a Deal’. If someone signs the scroll, the caster can take one power from them.”

“That’s…” started Ace, only to trail off.

OP. It was OP.

It was then that it sunk in for Kuroki – this school was for advanced mages, and their signature spells were, accordingly, all absolutely insane.

“When the power gets taken, it's sealed inside the contract and he can use it whenever he wants,” Leona added.

And it just gets worse and worse, doesn’t it?!

“Or, at least, that’s the standard contract,” Leona said, leaning back in his mountain of pillows. “I’ve never put up my magic, so I don’t know much about the specifics.”

Kuroki sighed. That checked out. Azul probably asked for immunity from Leona’s plans in return for the mana potions…

Which, maybe, they could have exploited. Azul had known what was going on and willingly turned a blind eye. Unfortunately, they had let Leona off with a beating, so going after Azul now would be seen as unfair.

“Contracts with him are less about ‘collateral’ and more of a trade,” Ruggie said. “The conditions he sets are always impossible. There’s no way to win against him.”

“Well, there is one way to win – by not making a deal at all,” Leona said, wryly.

Kuroki crossed his arms over his chest. “You can win, if you catch him off-guard and give him no time to think. Pretty much everything goes well for him, so he panics when things aren’t within his control… unfortunately, I think I’ve used up everything I had on him.”

If he could go back in time… well, he probably would have made the same deal, but he would have held onto a few cards. How was he supposed to know that he would need those cards later? That deal was supposed to ensure that everything would be fine for them!

“So, what does that leave us with?” Deuce asked.

“We need to find a loophole,” said Enma. “But, considering we don’t have a copy of the contract the anemones got…”

Ruggie snickered. “I never thought I’d see you guys caught up in bureaucracy.”

Ito raised an eyebrow. “Are you kidding? Bureaucracy is where we thrive.”

“Maybe to your detriment,” Leona said. “You’re thinking about loopholes in one sense, but…”

The Yuus glanced at each other. Exchanged do you know what he’s saying because I don’t looks.

Ace caught on first: “You’re saying we should destroy the contracts.”

“Bingo,” said Leona, shrugging, as if it were really that easy.

“It’s not possible,” said Jack. “The contracts are invulnerable.”

Ruggie grinned, widely. “You’re lucky I’m a nicer senpai than Enma here thinks I am, ‘cause you’re every scammer’s ideal target. So earnest.”

Kuroki tipped his head back so he could stare at the ceiling. “It’s not the contract that’s invulnerable, not really. Floyd Leech-senpai has a UM that messes with people’s magic…”

Deuce snapped his fingers. “Then it’s the same solution as earlier! If we don’t use magic, then it’s not invulnerable anymore.”

“Well…” said Kuroki, tugging the frozen peas out of Deuce’s arms while he was distracted, hugging it to his own chest, breathing a sigh of relief when it helped numb the bruises forming there. “Let’s hope it doesn’t go the exact same way as it did last time…”

[sophswritingthings]

PART 13 (studying for finals and trying to figure out my work schedule for my Christmas break is a bitch to do bro 😭😭😭)

Anyways when reader and Mizu find Taigen in that dungeon that had them gollums looking mfs in. Of course reader and Mizu go to help him and get him out of there after finishing the gollum bitches and the fuck that looks like a sumo wrestler, & reader just takes more trinkets from the ground she could add to her gun and weapons (she's like crow istfg (me too)).

And when the place exploded and the three get thrown to the side of the castle which leaves the three holding on for dear life, Mizu just pulling through with Taigen on her back and reader using her Kunai to hold on the side of the building. And when they reach fowler and the other ppl (I forgor the others, all I remember is the twinky sounding guy that hangs around Fowler.) Reader and Mizu go on full force on Fowler. Reader using rope to pull Fowler over like Scorpion and throwing him over to Mizu and beat the shit out of the Irish man.

While reader and Mizu fuck up Fowler, Fowler manhandles reader and reader literally gets shot in the leg and gets thrown across the room. Mizu is ofc very angry and tries to kill Fowler and gets absolutely wrecked by a fucking gun. So last ditch effort, reader manages to shoot Fowler's shoulder with her pistol and Mizu gets Taigen and Reader and flees.

Ringo finds all three of them absolutely dying and brings them sword father 😸😸😸 and Mizu very awkwardly introduces Reader as her wife to sword father and he's just like "👴🏼 kay."

(That's all I can think of lol)

(I ran out of Mizu gifs)

pairing: mizu x fem!apothecary!reader

warning(s): swearing, blood, guns, reader is still kinda high but is coming to 

a/n: TWINKY SOUNDING GUY???? DO… DO YOU MEAN HEJI?? 😭😭😭😭 IM DYING (he.. was kinda 💅🏻)

word count: 1,096 words / 6,013 characters 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

you glanced around, slowly coming out of the high those flowers had brought you to. you were a little freaked out by the terrifying gollum like statues surrounding the room.

mizu grasped you gently, making sure you didn’t entirely flip out.

your eyes landed on taigen, battered and bloodied, probably on the brink of death if you could guess.

“holy shit,” you whispered, a hand coming up to cover your mouth.

you could see a man, large as a boulder, you were sure—stood across the room. mizu approached him, wearily, but she still approached him.

your heart pounded in your chest. he could easily crush mizu, if so desired.

yet you trusted her.

you turned your attention to taigen. you never liked taigen, no, you would probably kill the man given the chance.

but you weren’t just going to let him die now, it felt like a duty deep in your chest to heal. 

along the way you had picked up small trinkets and things you would keep for later.

your main goal was to heal taigen enough so he wouldn’t die, a little pain wouldn’t hurt him. 

when you were done, it seemed mizu was, too—she was heaving, covered in blood and black and blue bruises. 

“come grab him,” you rose to your feet, standing up straight as you could. “we need to get out of here and —-“

your voice is cut off with a loud boom sound, followed by smaller and smaller booms. 

the place was going down, with you three in it. 

a shrill scream left your lips, grasping onto a kunai quickly and plunging it into the side of the building, right beside a framed window.

mizu was grasping onto your hand, still breathing heavy with taigen clasping onto her.

you manage to pull yourself into the window, your heart pounding in your chest as mizu and taigen pulled themselves in behind you.

“ah, so your the mysterious demon that’s been ripping through japan?”

an irish accent bleeds into the room, your eyes wiping upward to see that of a white man. 

the white man mizu had so been chasing.

“you,” mizu said with a deep growl in her voice, slowly pushing herself up onto her feet. 

mizu couldn’t possibly fight fowler on her own, in her condition. 

so you slunk around, grabbing a rope on your way. you slid behind fowlers chair, catching him in the rope by his throat—tossing him over to mizu.

you watched as your wife absolutely destroyed the Irish fuck, smiling a little as you did so.

that’s when you felt a hand grasp your throat, tugging you over into the heat of the battle.

you grabbed one of your weapons, holding it in a shaky hand, as you slowly lost consciousness from your lack of air.

“get your fucking dirty hands off her,” mizu growled.

“oh? okay,” his hands worked quickly, whipping out a pistol, firing the shot right below your thigh. 

you screamed, your scream so haunting, mizu thought it would live in her mind for the rest of her life.

he tossed you across the room, your back hitting the wall as you desperately held your injury—trying to clot the bleeding as best as you could.

a fire, burned in mizu’s blue eyes.

a fire you thought you had never seen before.. pure anger and rage steered her now.

mizu attempted to lunge at him, take his demon ass down, but was hit out of the way with the end of the pistol. 

you still had your pistol, tucked in your kimono.

in a last resort effort, you grabbed it, attempting to point it right at fowlers head.

your shaky hands lead it to his shoulder, though, firing the gunshot right through his shoulder.

it tears the pair apart, mizu falling onto her back and scampering back to her barley steady feet.

she grabbed taigen, rushing over to you and grabbing you, as well.

once outside, you find ringo, looking through the snowy trees.

“.. mizu?” ringo gasps, his eyes traveling to you and taigen, as well. “where have you..”

“fowlers castle, ringo,” she answers hurriedly, her voice raspy and laced with pain. “please, ringo, if.. if she doesn’t get some sort of fucking medical attention soon—she’ll bleed out and.. I.. I can’t..” mizu’s voice cracks, holding you tight to her body. “can’t afford to loose her.”

ringo’s expression softens, a bit. they weren’t on the best of terms.. but seeing mizu so vulnerable lit something within him.

and he quite liked you. he wouldn’t let you die for no good reason.

“okay, master,” ringo nodded, grabbing taigen by his arms so she could properly hold you.

she held you bridal in her arms, her thumbs rubbing against the exposed bloody skin of your hips.

“it’ll be alright,” she whispered, knowing you could somewhat hear her, “you’re not allowed to die before i do, you know.” 

a faint, weak chuckle leaves your lips, “I-I didn’t… p-plan on it..”

you make it to the swordfather’s. you had never met swordfather, before, but mizu had told you about him.

he sounded like a father, to mizu. her only real connection to a loving parent.

and of course, you were meeting him with a gunshot in your leg.

“boy,” eiji greeted, gesturing for her to lie you down. “ringo has informed me of what happened.”

mizu looks up at ringo, nodding to the man thankfully.

she laid you down, sitting by your side and watching eiji’s hands carefully. his hands were old, yet precise in their movements. despite his age, and his blindness, he had the most steady hands mizu knew.

she trusted him to stitch you up, unlike she would trust anyone else.

she grasped your hand as you winded in pain, holding it tight to her chest so you could feel her heart beating beneath her clothes.

your eyes were slightly open, gazing up at her. she nodded to you, ruffling a hand slowly through your hair.

“oh.. I..” mizu whispered, “I never introduced you two,” she mumbled. “this is my wife, (y/n), swordfather.”

eiji scoffed, “hm,” he nodded. “your wife, hm? though you’ve never settled down, on this foolish quest, that has almost killed her?

she sighed, adverting her eyes. she knew eiji was right. she was so foolish, bringing you so close to danger you were shot by a white man.

“yes,” mizu whispered. “I have.”

he scoffed again, “at least you can admit it. now go and get your wife some water, and return after you’ve thought about all of this.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

a/n: MIZU GIFS!!!!!! I’ll add them if you don’t have them lmao 😭😭

she’s hot <333

[deepwithintheabyss]

2, 10, 17, & 28 for the fanfic author ask game 💖💖💖

2. Which of your fics is your pride and joy?

If you'd asked me before my Trust bleeds Red reread I'd have answered that one, but now all I can think is how I wanna rewrite it 😔

I haven't really thought which other fic that would leave my fav?

10. Is there a character or ship you'd love to write for, but haven't yet?

There certainly are some pairings that I haven't touched, I think JayRoyTim is amongst them, but also Harley/Ivy+Steph and or Cass I had some neat ideas, TimTalia, JanetTalia, the Parent Poly (in any combination BruceJackWillies is still on my mind, as is the moms)

17. What is something you recently felt proud of in your writing?

Coming back to a few old wips and realizing that the quality is way better than I thought. For "Rock Hard Tension" and the current project.

It's not that I thought it was bad, I just didn't remember it being anything outstanding? So it was a pleasant surprise

28. What's the angstiest idea you've ever come up with?

This one is a mean question, I have a ton of angsty ideas, and I couldn't tell you which one it would be. As I promised you I'm going to go with one of the real bad variations of (one of many) Zombie AU's I had.

This idea started with me reading some Zombie AU's, and in them it's "common" that Jason can be immune to it. It made me think about one where he is not, where someone else is.

Thus the idea (probably totally fantastical but shh) of the virus taking over the human body via the spleen was born. Because yknow Tim doesn't have it. Basically that the organ is the main/first part of infection and that through it the rest of the body gets taken over.

After the virus, the spread started and everything started to fall into disorder, the bats and some other people managed to create a safe haven. A good fortified place where they intent to become self-sufficient.

As Babs is still chair bound she has taken over (with the help of others) to try and find a cure and analyze the virus and the spread of it. For this they created a room where they'll watch over bitten patients, as they either die or turn. A lot of people die, bodies unable to keep up with the strain of it

So, Jason and Tim are out and about and Tim gets bit (saving Jason?) they bring him back to be observed, so they can gleam more data at how it works, how it turns you etc. it's all very emotional. Especially with the fear that Tim will turn and that they will have to shoot him. Though they also wonder if his compromised immune system might mean he dies faster.

He goes through the usual stages of fever, spasm and such, it's not unusual to see some sort of black liquid be secreted as well through the eyes, mouth, nose and ears. But with Tim it's excessive. He might even flatline once or come close to dying a few times. It's all very horrible and painful to watch.

And then it stills, Tim starts throwing up loads and loads of this black bile heaving with it. Pale as death. The Bats realize Tim survived a wonder! That's the first time they ever saw it happen, he'll be so useful in gathering more data etc.

And then his head explodes into splatters of brain matter as someone shoots him.

One of the guards mistook him for a zombie/didn't trust his survival/didn't want to risk it even if he did.

Jason is furious, he had promised (himself?) that he would be the one to kill Tim if it came down to it.

He might or might not even shoot the shooter still.

They're all distraught as hell, and they never figure it out how he survived.

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