#all the batkids are little chaos gremlins and you can’t convince me otherwise

[thisiswhereikeepdcthings]

Christmas Wishlist

Damian: So, what are you getting me for Christmas?

Jason: Nice try, brat.

Jason: Actually, no, terrible try. What was that? Where’s the subtly? The cunning?

Damian: *shrugs*

Later

Steph: Just out of curiosity, were you expecting that to work? At all?

Damian: Not really, no.

Steph: Then why bother?

Damian: It’s all part of my plan.

Steph:

Damian:

Steph: Are you going to expound on that, or…

Later that week

Oracle: Robin, there’s a burglary taking place on 5th and Jefferson.

Nightwing: I’ll be there in like three minutes, Robin, just wait for me.

Robin: I have it handled.

Red Robin: Just wait for Nightwing, you dummy.

Robin: Unnecessary.

Spoiler: You’re going to make Nightwing sad.

Oracle: Or you’ll get hurt.

Spoiler: Yeah, or that.

Robin: Tt. I’ll be fine. “He will win who knows when to fight and when to fight harder.”

Red Hood: That is NOT how that quote goes.

Everyone:

Oracle: Hood, I thought you were in California this week.

Red Hood: I felt an insult to humanity preparing to take form.

More later

Cass: Did you tell Jason what you wanted for Christmas yet?

Damian: I’m working on it.

Several days after that

Tim: Why are you in my room?

Damian: You left the window open.

Tim:

Damian: The philosophers are very clear on what to do there.

Tim:

Damian, a little louder: When your enemy leaves their WINDOW open.

Tim: And are you achieving what you are hoping to achieve right now?

Damian: Unclear.

Tim: You know, you could always write a letter to Santa like a normal kid.

Damian: Absolutely not.

Tim: Yeah… Probably for the best, actually, considering past dealings and all…

Christmas Morning

Damian, opening his gift:

Dick: What’d Jason give you?

Damian: *proudly holds up a signed copy of The Art of War*

Tim: Okay, that’s got to be fake, right?

Everyone: *looks at Jason*

Jason, shrugging: The Flashes owed me a favor.

Bruce, eye twitching slightly: Do I have to send the time travel safety presentation out to everyone again?

Jason: Don’t worry, they already fixed the parts of the timeline they broke.

Bruce: *very lengthy sigh*

Damian: Thank you, Jason.

Jason: You’re welcome.

Jason: Now there will be no more murdering of quotes. You have no excuses.

Later

Damian: My plan worked.

Steph: And just asking was too hard because…

Damian: What’s the point of that? Where’s the cunning? The subtly?

[thisiswhereikeepdcthings]

Bruce, not ready to wake up: Just five more…

Tim, bored, irritated, and sensing an opportunity to sow the seeds of chaos:

Tim: *races into the kitchen*

Tim: You guys will never believe what Bruce just said!

Damian: Well?

Duke: What did he say?

Steph: You can’t leave us hanging like that.

Tim: He said five MORE.

*collective gasp*

Steph: I had better not be one of those five.

Damian: Why does Father get to adopt five more children and I can not adopt five more cats? Cats are much easier to care for than people.

Tim, shrugging: I’m sure he’d be fine with it.

[thisiswhereikeepdcthings]

Duke’s Second (2nd) Day at the Manor

*explosion*

*glass breaking somewhere*

*cat screaming in the background*

*smoke alarm belatedly going off*

Duke: Sorry abo-

Damian: You’ll do.

Duke: What?

Tim: Welcome to the family.

Duke: Uh, yeah. Thanks.

Jason: You’ll fit right in.

Duke: Great.

Cass: Dibs.

Jason: Wait, no! You can’t call dibs on siblings, Cass!

Cass: Too late.

Duke: Should we do something about the fire, or…

Dick, jogging over with a fire extinguisher: Got it.

[thisiswhereikeepdcthings]

Guys. You guys. Go read this it’s hilarious.

[thisiswhereikeepdcthings]

I mean, it’d fit

[thisiswhereikeepdcthings]

You always have the best tags

Steph: Look, I need a co-signer for my lease and I’d really rather not ask Bruce, ya know what I mean?

Ra’s al Ghul:

Ra’s al Ghul: How much will it cost for you to just go away?

Later

Bruce, concerned: Stephanie, why did Ra’s al Ghul just sign over an apartment complex into your name?

Steph: *sighs*

Steph: I would have gladly just taken the money for rent.

Bruce: That does nothing to answer my question.

Jason, appearing from somewhere: He’s trying to bribe her to stay away.

Bruce:

Jason: It’s a time-honored tradition.

Bruce: Does it work?

Jason: *snorts* Not at all.

Bruce: Steph, I would have gladly paid your rent. Or co-signed your lease. Or bought the building.

Steph: Oh no, I wouldn’t ask that of you. Ever. Truly.

Bruce: So instead you decided to extort Ra’s al Ghul?

Tim and Damian: *poke their heads in*

Tim: Did I hear someone say we’re extorting Ra’s again?

Bruce: *deep sigh*

Damian, peering over Bruce’s shoulder to look at the deed transfer: Not bad for your first time, Brown.

Steph: Thanks, Dami.

Tim and Jason: *both give a big thumbs up*