#all of which is just to say... perhaps van helsing was realistic actually

[semisomni]

sometimes im like why yes the dutch are very good at english. perhaps not as good as we think we are sometimes but still. like we're fine. my english skills are like normal. and then i go into the office and open our discogs messages and see that my supervisor has once again referred to an inanimate object as "he"

[thebeautyofdisorder]

The Undone & The Divine (BBC Dracula) - Chapter 8

A/N: Okay, sorry it’s been like two weeks since I posted the last chapter. I am such a mess. This is a bit shorter, more of a set up than anything, but informative? I have so many ideas for this, that it took me a minute to figure out in sequence what’s going to happen when.

Pairing: Dracula & Agatha/Zoe, off and on Dracula/OFC

Rating: M, for blood, language, and mercenaries with guns.

Chapters 1-2 Here - Chapter 3 Here - Chapter 4 Here - Chapter 5 Here - Chapter 6 Here - Chapter 7 Here

Can be found on AO3 - Right HERE - or enjoy below the cut

Chapter 8

By all accounts he appears as a human man, at varying states of age depending upon how regularly and well he is fed, lingering even at his most satiated at around 45-50 years – presumably the age of his death. His hair is thick and inky black, kept shorter and slicked back when in public view; his nose aquiline and aristocratic; his eyes appear black at a distance but in close quarters and lighting seem to have a dark mossy-brown hue; admirable bone structure, and a mouth that is at times both harsh and jovial depending upon what impression he wishes to put across at the time. His accent is tainted by those of his victims, but always holds a slight thickness and gravel, reminiscent of his native tongue. His teeth, even when not in the state of blood frenzy, still seem longer and sharper than normal, particularly the canines. His fingernails also are long and honed to a point, and seem to be of inhuman durability and sharpness. He is excessively tall and somewhat broad, though of a generally slim build regardless of his bestial strength. No physical deformities upon the rest of his body when in his humanoid state, though his eyes can seem to gleam in the darkness like those of other nocturnal beasts.

When in the presence of human blood, those eyes dilate and become ringed in crimson, and all blunt edges of his teeth sharpen to slight but lethal points. Animalistic tendencies manifest – hissing, snarling, growling, the hunched stance of a predator, etc. Interestingly, he also seems to bare all the normative signs of the common morphine addict – tension, restless movements, irritability, the inability to control his emotions and behavior. He possesses speed the likes of which the human eye can barely detect, but only in small bursts in the midst of attack, by my witness. He was able to manifest a continual fog, as stated earlier in my narrative, and could very well be at fault for the storm swirling in the seas now, as I write. He can deform himself to fit into any small space, one could assume, though I have only seen him do this by defiling the physical forms of other living beings – notably a wolf at the convent, and the late Jonathan Harker, who was also undead at the time. Whether that’s relevant to this ability, I don’t particularly know. He can call wolves and bats to his service, and possibly flies – whether this works with all creatures and he’s merely chosen these for theatrical purposes, or if he’s limited to creatures of darkness and decay, I have yet to discover.

The ‘kiss of the vampire’ is a strong opiate, meaning most victims are often unaware of his bite or the danger they are in until it is too late. He can create and control the dream state in which they enter, often choosing scenarios of an erotic nature. Whether this is for his own amusement or because of the effect it has on the blood, I can only deduce. This method seems to be equally employed through both sexes though I have yet to see any direct indications of intercourse, willing or unwilling. If he possesses a sex drive at all, it is seemingly outranked by his desire to feed.  

He is highly intelligent and possesses a biting wit, which in another context might even be endearing, and his charm is carefully honed to attract potential victims. Though his mental weaknesses are notable, including his arrogance, lack of self-awareness, and dependence on his victims to take in and retain key skills and information. As opposed to learning the language of a new land through study, he merely drains one of its countrymen and absorbs their inherent knowledge. This leads to a flurry of unpredictable behavior and reckless death, and also speaks of his impatience and lack of discipline, which has undoubtedly lessened with age. He was, in life, an excellent ruler and even better general with a skill for strategy currently wasted on petty mind games. If he could ever reach a point of managing his appetite for blood and destruction, he could be an invaluable resource - a first-hand witness to the last four hundred years of European history.

I’m sure you will, dear brother, quickly dismiss this as folly, but however much you would like to categorize him as yet another mindless demon from the pit, I assure you he is anything but. He may fear the cross, but don’t think there is a heavenly power that instilled that fear. It reeks of an entirely human weakness. You would do well to remember that, should you run across him or any of his kind in the future. While his existence seems to have been very luck of the draw, it’s nowhere near as anomalous as Dracula himself would like us to believe. Others could have survived and done what he has done. In fact, I could almost guarantee it.

Zoe read through Agatha’s words again, this particular afterward for maybe the twentieth time since she’d found it. Not for any particular information, more over just marveling at the clarity, simplicity, and dare-she-say fondness with which it was written, in comparison to the information she’d been brought up with. Shockingly, the nun was able to more realistically sum up the vampire than any other Van Helsing before or after her (granted, she had the firsthand experience), and with so much less fire and brimstone, religious nonsense. It was half of why she’d spent so long away from ‘the family business’ as it were, until she’d had to take over the institute. Science had always been the only god she would acknowledge.

Whatever logic Agatha had administered from across the pond however, while well used, had been entirely riddled with her elder brother’s showmanship and particularly Catholic brand of fending off the forces of darkness. Agatha may have seen him as the devil incarnate, but that didn’t stop her from acknowledging his humanity – and in that, Zoe couldn’t help but agree. Dracula was very much still a man, no matter how immortal or powerful, and he still had all of man’s other weaknesses, sans physical vulnerabilities. Minor detail.

She supposed it had made it easier for both the zealot and the scientist to see their subject of animosity as no better than a rabid dog that needed to be analyzed and destroyed. But that had never been the case at all. A self-serving lesson to learn, she had to admit, but an important one. So long as he had retained some of his humanity, there was certainly hope for her.

It was the only thing keeping her sane through the mock trial this experiment had turned into. Every turn she was being questioned and analyzed harder than she had since grad school, and yet still regarded as the antagonistic and dangerous party. It was a contradiction that made her genuinely question the mental capacity of her colleagues.

Yes, let's aggravate the person we're terrified of. Honestly.

Their latest critique, however she loathed to admit it, was actually sound. They needed a control. A 'direct contact' feed to compare to her bottled one, and they all knew there was only one vampire to compare to. Clearly they didn't actually expect him to participate, they only wanted to de-legitimize her process.

But it would make an impact, wouldn't it?

-----

It was just before sunset, traces of red just beginning to seep onto the surface of the sun, and for the first time in a great while, Count Dracula was unenthused. He was beginning to be rather fond of daylight, even if it came with certain disadvantages, as he was beginning to discover. Perhaps vampires were better off as creatures of the night after all.

Most if not all of his preternatural abilities were greatly weakened by the sun, though why he wasn't sure. It made him feel languid and slow, which was perfectly fine for an afternoon on the beach, but highly inconvenient when he got hungry and none of his more willing resources were available. Physical conditioning or a lesser reality of the lore he'd always accepted, who was to say?

Who indeed.

He had given Zoe plenty of space to run her little experiments without interference, aside from keeping an 'eye' out to ensure she wasn't in any immediate danger. But there was only so long that would last, and despite having ample opportunity to create more brides...he felt like he needed more answers before that inevitability occurred.

Agatha had been right, annoyingly, as usual. Lab rats were not something he needed, especially ones who could question him on topics even he didn't fully understand anymore.

If the Van Helsing women were good for anything, aside from healthy competition, it was certainly bluntness and clarity. Being the only thing close to another vampire of any mental capacity to be in his proximity for over 300 years certainly didn't hurt.

Zoe Van Helsing was someone he needed, a concept he could scarcely understand and wasn't entirely fond of, but if he wasn't mistaken, she needed him as well - and hated it even more.

----

"Dr. Helsing, is this really necessary?"

Zoe found herself staring at the younger but far more egotistical doctor through the glass that separated them with an expression not unlike one would give a particularly frustrating insect who refused to die as fast as she wished it would.

"Is what necessary?"

The man, Dr. Connors, pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, punctuating his next words with unnecessary flare.

"Well, our sponsor doesn't understand the necessity of this trial, when it cannot possibly prove anything. All of our intel on the 'vampiric condition' states simply that they require blood to sustain life, but also that it's nearly impossible to kill them. Surely your continued …  existence without blood doesn't fully prove or disprove anything. And without anything to compare it to…"

"For now," she interrupted stubbornly, attempting to ignore his tendency to discuss her as though she were a theoretical construct.

"Even so," he continued blandly, "There are surely better uses of our time, in the face of an increasing number of...undead. Preventative measures, protection for the innocent. Unless you can get some sort of control data…"

Their 'sponsor' had sent this idiot to report back on how his precious money was being spent,  and it had become an increasingly infuriating thorn in her side. Or stake in her heart, she was sure he hoped. Zoe had just begun to second guess her tendencies toward homicide, when she felt the tell-tale hairs begin to rise on the back of her neck.

"Oh fuck me," she cursed aloud, completely indifferent to the confused looks of those observing her. They wouldn't be confused for long.

"Careful what you wish for Doctor."

Everyone but Zoe took a startled glance around. She turned around, eyes directly finding the dark ones on the outside of the glass, quirking a stern brow despite the relative chaos of everyone else receding into the corners in panic.

Count Dracula merely flashed her a shit-eating grin in response, relishing her disapproval in equal measure to the human fear beginning to fill the room. Pungent and yet satisfying, she noted, rather unhappily.

"Oh Zoe how the tables have turned," he couldn't resist prodding at her through the encasement, ignoring the guns pointed at his back in favor of taunting her, hands in his pockets. The picture of malicious nonchalance.

She wasn't trapped, as he had been. They'd learned their lesson in that regard at least, but it was a barrier she'd permitted for her own sanity. Watching everyone walk on eggshells around her was grating, and it ruined her focus. Plus, it helped with the sensory overload until she got more accustomed to it.

"And yet you're still the one at gunpoint," Zoe shot back with a hint of a blithe smile.

He turned and directed his overly fond smile towards the tattooed gentleman with the over-sized assault weapon, greeting him like an old friend. The man that Zoe had never seen with a single facial expression looked so dumbstruck that she had to fight down a laugh. This was apparently the last straw for their visiting dictator.

"Count Dracula," came more of a squeak than a shout from the bespectacled doctor's mouth, with such a forced amount of distaste that Zoe was now certain he had lost his mind entirely. "You will not be permitted to attack anyone here."

Shooting Zoe an incredulous look, mostly as she could read translating to ���Is he serious?’, the vampire watched her answering eye roll very obviously telling him ‘He's an idiot, but reports to the money’.

Dracula finally looked away from their silent exchange, and took out a small pocket flask, not unlike the one he'd left her before, and shook it in the other man's general direction as he passed by him with total indifference.

"Not to worry, I brought my own," he stated, opening it and taking a long swig. It cleared a direct pathway for him easily, bee-lining for Dr. Bloxham who sat at the control panel. She naturally flinched on his approach, despite trying to hide it. He noticed and flashed her a charming smile, to his credit only showing the slightest hint of fang.

"Terribly sorry about the finger," the Count apologized humbly, almost convincingly sincere as he draped a long arm over the back of her chair. "...But would you mind letting me in?"

Bloxham looked somewhat confused. "You want to go in there?" Her eyes shot up to the ceiling. The sun had not completely set. He gave her an encouraging smile with a faint trace of pity.

"I would love to go in there."

Zoe merely rolled her eyes and tapped on the table with relative impatience, as he paced through the parted seas of scientists and interns alike to join her in the completely ineffective glass prison.

"You evil little thing, you didn't tell them," he accused with quiet glee as he approached her from the opposite side of the table.

"If their superstitions help them feel safe, then all the better for me," she excused in a murmur, hoping he hadn't just given the game away completely.

His grin was one of near pride, as he bent his tall form forward to rest his hands on the table. "I can go slit his throat if you want me to. Heaven knows you won't."

She sighed, not trusting herself to answer. "Why are you here?" she asked instead.

"You needed me, didn't you?"

------

Okay, so this could go really amusingly or very terribly - we’ll see what I come up with, eh? Shouldn’t be as long of a wait this time, fingers crossed.

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[rob-blog1234]

WEEKEND TV HOT FILM PICKS!

Check out my guide to the top films on TV this weekend and the best of the rest. Enjoy!

LATE FRIDAY 12th MAY

HOT PICKS!

Horror @ 2300      Videodrome (1983) *****

I’m a big David Cronenberg fan. From eXistenZ, Scanners and of course The Fly - He has dealt us some of the creepiest, body horror Sci-Fi around. Videodrome is not his most accessible and for the uninitiated this might be a step too far into Cronrnberg’s world. It follows a man’s decent into what appears madness through hallucinations and as he loses his grip on reality so do we. James Woods is a cable TV programmer who through a new technology begins this decent into the surreal & strange. As with the majority of Cronenberg films this has an ample amount of absurd eroticism, frightening imagery, disturbing scenes and follows themes of control and society. It’s pretty ahead of its time really and over 30 years on it still gets me chewing on its metaphor and social observation. In a world where we are now completely saturated with media as we hop from device to device this film perhaps is more accessible now than it ever was originally. Like Cronenberg? Love this.

Film4 @ 0150    District 9 (2009) *****

The Sci-Fi genre is full of average films churning out the same old dross using the same old stories and ideas… but in a worse way. Fortunately District 9 is nothing like that. Yes it does pull numerous ideas from a number of Sci-Fi greats but it manages to do this in a fresh way proving there is still room in the genre yet.

Director Neil Blomkamp must have been very frustrated when the Halo film was side-lined but he certainly put the 30 million budget he was given for this film to good use. The CGI is ultra-realistic and we witness seamlessly integrated aliens into our world, there is never a moment it faltered or failed. It still has some of the best effects that I’ve ever seen. The action scenes spew obvious talent and the combination of filming styles works really well.

District 9 follows Sharlto Copley’s character - Wikus - the nervous, wet-behind-the-ears yet dedicated MNU agent with the task of coordinating the eviction and relocation of over a million aliens from the rather nasty gang ridden slum known as District 9. His performance is astonishing particularly after I found out that not only is this his first major roll but a hell of a lot of his dialogue was improvised. The film starts off with documentary style, shaky cam footage which works very well to force realism and credibility to the story which does soon change back to standard cinema which although sometimes noticeable doesn’t stop District 9 standing tall as one of 2009’s great Sci-Fi films alongside Moon and Watchmen. Watch this.

Best of the rest:

Film4 @ 2100     Mission: Impossible Ghost Protocol (2011) ****

ITV4 @ 2200       American Gangster (2007) ****

5* @ 2200           The Fifth Element (1997) *****

TCM @ 2300      The Others (2001) ****

***AVOID AT ALL COSTS!***

Syfy @ 2100    The Happening (2008) * AVOID AT ALL COSTS!

I present M. Night Shyamalan’s utterly preposterous disaster movie where uninspiring shots of the wind cause Marky Mark and Zooey - 500 badly read lines - Deschanel to produce some of the worst acting I have ever seen in my life. Some may forgive this film with the misguided assumption that it is some kind of comedy or it was all done like this for a reason. Madness. Who in their right mind, after months of shooting and editing, could sit back in their chair and say - “yep - that’s exactly what I was hoping to achieve”…. It’s quite unthinkable - but somehow it happened and this abomination got to the big screen and now pollutes our TV screens with its poorly structured, scripted and acted attempt to tell us in a roundabout way that “we are destroying our planet”… yes - we know Shyamalanamansa..amana… we know. This film with it’s sewage laden script, face-farted out by seemingly cardboard replicas of Mark Wahlberg and Zooey Deschanel reaches new heights of awful as in one of the more ridiculous scenes we see Mark Wahlberg talking to a pot plant as he doesn’t want it to feel any negativity that they are going to hide in the bathroom… jsifhfjsksksj!!!! They run a bit more, the wind blows through grass and trees a bit more… the end. There - I’ve spoiled it. I’ve done you a favour. If I’ve missed the point… I’m glad. Miss this.

***AVOID AT ALL COSTS!***

Film4 @ 2335   Predators (2010) ** AVOID AT ALL COSTS!

STEP 1: Take everything that was good about Predator and disregard it all. STEP 2: Instead of picking a really good Arnie challenging actor for the lead role. Pick Adrien Brody and give him a weird beige gun. STEP 3: Cast Laurence Fishburne as he will be really complementary to the Alien forests - They obviously don’t have enough wood in them already. STEP 4: On realising the film is utter garbage pray for redemption by looking again at step one and reintroduce the original score and hope people don’t notice it’s poo.

Well we did notice. A stain on the memory of the original. I’d rather watch AVP… and I’d rather sit on a spike than watch AVP again.

SATURDAY 13th MAY

HOT PICKS!

Film4 @ 1300     Field of Dreams (1989) *****

“If you build it, he will come” I’d forgotten how good this movies is… mainly due to the fact my brother harps on about how much he loves it, to the point that I’d subconsciously made myself dislike the thought of it! :) A perfect film for a lazy Saturday. It’s a fantastical and touching tale that focuses on basic human emotions that leaves you with a lump in your throat and a tear in your eye. Costner seems remarkably believable and I just adore Amy Madigan ever since seeing Uncle Buck. They are a great together and give a grounding to an otherwise bizarre string of events. One of my favourite sports films… definitely up there in my top 5.

TCM @ 2100     The Others (2001) ****

It’s towards the end of WW2; Nicole Kidman is Grace Stewart living with her 2 photosensitive children in a huge remote house in England. She has strict rules to ensure they never come in contact with sunlight. As the house and her chores begin to get difficult to manage she is forced to hire a group of servants. As the rules begin to break down and they are plagued with a few unexplained events, Grace ultimately begins to suspect the house is actually haunted.

Kidman is excellent as Grace and really gets deep inside the character. She oozes frustration and frailty but with a powerful disciplinarian front. It’s a stellar performance. The two child actors also do a grand job and the family unit feels very real. The house is almost a character in itself.

It’s full of rich dark colours and you half expect for something to appear from around every corner as the camera snakes through each gloomy room. It’s a spooky, and suspenseful film with some great tension and has an overall creepy feel. The story is fed to the audience well and the pace and tone are pitch perfect. The cinematography is nothing short of beautiful. This is a great film, with an interesting story that has some great twists. Watch this.

Best of the rest:

TCM @ 1650      Kind Hearts and Coronets (1949) *****

C4 @ 2100         12 Years a Slave (2013) ****

Dave @ 2100    Training Day (2001) ****

5* @ 2100          22 Jump Street (2014) ****

Film4 @ 0110    Fright Night (1985) ****

***AVOID AT ALL COSTS!***

E4 @ 2100    Van Helsing (2004) * AVOID AT ALL COSTS!

It’s a mystery how Jackman and Beckinsale were duped into making a diabolically bad film that not even Bekinsale’s under bust corset could redeem. Terrible CGI, bad hats, bad hair, bad script, bad full stop. Criminally handled, ham-fistedly delivered to soil our screens with yet another simply shite monster movie. AVOID.

SUNDAY 14th MAY

HOT PICKS!

C4 @ 2300     Prisoners (2013) ****

Like a good Thriller? Then get onto C4 on Sunday for the dark investigative Thriller - Prisoners. It’s the English Language debut film for director Denis Villeneuve. I haven’t dabbled in his other work until more recently with the outstanding head twister “Enemy” starring Jake Gyllenhaal. He must have liked working with him as in Prisoners we see him again at his startling best. He is pulling some outstanding performances out the bag of late and here we get none less than the best. Jake plays a young detective who through sheer dedication and a lot of patience works through a serious case of 2 missing girls. Hugh Jackman plays the father of one of the girls, whose frustration with the Police’s seeming inability to make any progress reaches boiling point and he makes more and more morally questionable decisions on how to better the search for the missing girls. Beautifully shot with cinematography that wows on each and every scene, Prisoners is a must see thriller and my top HOT PICK for the weekend.

Film4 @ 2315     Shutter Island (2010) ****

Shutter Island is a creepy, visually rich psychological thriller with a dark and morbid feel throughout. We follow DiCaprio as troubled U.S. Marshal Teddy Daniels - investigating the disappearance of a patient from the islands asylum for the criminally insane. DiCaprio is superb and I can see why Scorsese persists on casting him. Ben Kingsley also stands out as the head of the asylum - the dialogue between the two characters is excellent. We are taken through the almost gothic maze of the island and asylum - its darkness is overwhelming and penetrating, this - combined with the beauty of Scorsese’s direction we are treated to a darkly beautiful ride. There are, as you would expect, a number of twists along the way some more obvious than others but to me that isn’t really the point - It’s the journey through the film and the troubling images that plague our lead that make Shutter Island a must watch film. It inspires a second viewing. The score magnifies the darkness and is superbly put together to make even the seemingly normal of scenes far more tense and suspicious. Shutter Island was eagerly awaited for in 2010 and I was very glad when it finally arrived.

BBC2 @ 2345     Memento (2000) *****

Directed by the amazing Christopher Nolan and with a superb lead role by Guy Pierce, Memento is a complicated story of a man who can make no new memories since he was injured when he and his wife were attacked. Each scene starts from the confused perspective of Leonard (Pierce) so every new situation he finds himself in, so do we - and we have to piece together the story as if we were in his shoes. We follow this chronologically crazy story as he attempts to find his attackers.  He has to rely on a strict system to remember things by - from Polaroid’s to self-made tattoos and notes.  It’s thick with paranoia and confusion which keeps the audience begging for more from scene to scene.  Nolan’s direction is superb and the chronology of the film treats the audience to many rewards. It is an amazing film that deserves everyone’s attention. Watch this!

Best of the rest:

TCM @ 1250      Kind Hearts and Coronets (1949) *****

Film4 @ 1835    Star Trek (2009) *****

Film4 @ 0155    Eyes Without a Face (1960) ****