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beautifulweird0 · 4 years ago

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Forgiving Your Parents

My disclaimer is this: The child isn’t responsible for mending the relationship...solely. I’mma tell you like this, if your parent doesn’t want anything to do with you...skip em’.

Because that’s backwards as hell and that takes away from loving yourself. Anyway you chop it, if you find yourself forcing yourself on a “parent”, the relationship isn’t going to go anywhere-AND THAT’S NOT YOUR FAULT OR CONCERN. YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL! YOU ARE EXTREMELY WORTHY. I’m so sorry your people ain’t solid; it’s a reflection of them-not you.

It’s my belief that something is wrong with a person if they want no parts of having a relationship with their child. Literally so messed up from their own unhealed traumas that they can’t find it within themselves to love someone they created…

Ain’t no fixing on that unless you take they ass to a therapist.

Moving on.

I’m usually a private person. But its always been that ‘pull’ on me-telling me… “It’s another little girl that is going through the same stuff you went through. Say that shit anyway. And with your chest.” .

Think about it...

Can’t a soul embarrass you about some stuff you open about. That takes all the fun out of their miserable lives if folks know wassup already.

I was listening to Mad Bitches the other day and Mikhala Jene said something along the lines of, “Nobody living is perfect”.

That hit me a little different. Like damn...nobody walks this earth perfect so...why do we expect perfection (again, subconsciously).

THIS.

This is why I say if your parent is trying, then work with them. If they sit down with you and tell you how life was for them coming up. The good parts, the ugly parts, and everything in-between. Trying their best to be authentic and build a bond, then meet em’ halfway (if they haven’t been on some stuff that’s just unforgivable).

I didn’t find out who my biological father was until I was about 16 years old. Up until that point I believed another man was my father (which he is still and will always be!).

Sooo...I already had abandonment issues from my parents and my dad lived in a way at that time, that all parties involved thought it was best my grandparents took us in. That’s all I know is Granny’s (& Grandpa’s) house since I was a baby.

It helped that when my mom told me who my biological dad was, she was in a much better state of mind and stable-but man...I didn’t know what to feel. My sister was more upset than me (cause we have the same dad hypothetically).

So many questions ran through my head that I couldn’t even cry or be mad. I was shocked. Everyone played their role so well…

There was a long road ahead of me. Not only did I have to forgive my mom and dad for lying to me for so long, but there was a father in the same city I had yet to know.

Give your parent the same energy if you were in their shoes. Cause baby...ain’t nothing worse than admitting your wrongs and still getting beat down. I couldn’t bring myself to be mad at my mom in that moment where she was vulnerable and upset cause she knew she played a part in hurting me. What was it gone do but make me feel bad and her feel worse?

Blowing up wasn’t going to change what happened now 22 years ago.

Yeah, there’s hella’ books on parenting but I’mma tell y’all like my Granny told me, “There’s no such thing as a book on how to be a parent.”.

I was through hell and back with my mother and now we’re in an extremely better place because we both made the effort (more-so on her part 🌚).

But it was my responsibility to go into it with pure intentions and my guard down a bit after she made the effort; disappointment is what I expected sometimes cause I went into it knowing it was going to be a process.

Don’t get it confused, my mom always knew how I was-that wasn’t the issue. The new end goal was getting to know each other again so I could understand her better so I could forgive her. That’s no sucka’ shit. Its real. Everybody in this life is going to disappoint you, one way or another. Better to know what you’re dealing with so you can assess the situation in order to better assess the person. Free game.

Another step to keep in mind is, boundaries. I just feel like it will make the whole exchange smoother-not easier- but smoother. The point of forgiving your parents and (if you chose) trying to build a relationship, is to have them know you for who you are NOW. Not when you were 5, not when you was 12...have them meet you at your level. They dropped the ball, not you. Sure...nobody asked to be here but that becomes invalid when you start having babies of your own. It’s a different ball game when you bring a life into this world. Your joys become the joy of your children but way too often we forget that our pain becomes theirs as well.

The weekends at pops house was always interesting. I could watch all the music videos I wanted and watch the movies that didn't have too much goin on in them.

My dad would do different stuff with us like go to the library; he always knew I loved reading. Sometimes my dad would take us to the park or a friends house who had kids (how I met my husband), water parks, or even cooking dinner with me and my sister; plenty of quality time where I could talk to him about anything.

However, at the time, pops lived a certain lifestyle and no matter how hard he tried to shield it from us younger kids, I still seen things and experienced things a child shouldn't have. Again, comes with the lifestyle I guess.

My dad drunk...ALOT. And it was interesting to see the 'upsides' of alchoholism and the very big downsides. I'd never forget, I was maybe 8? Another weekend at my dads, just me and my sister (I have multiple brothers on that side too plus another sister), and I woke up one morning on the couch. My dad was goin through some things- all he had was a couch that he let me and my little sister sleep on. My 1st thought when I woke up was where was my dad sleeping? My sister was sleep, and it was still fairly early in the morning. I go back to the empty bedroom to find him sleep on the floor. No pillow. No cover. Just a beer in hand, laid out. That broke my heart.

Just remember feeling sad all over. I took the beer, threw it away then grabbed the pillow I had and laid it under his head. While doing so, my dad woke up, halfway and kissed my hand.

He told me straight up he loves me and he apologized. Didn't go into detail but he didn't have to. My dad never had his pops in his life, nor his mama until he was grown and was taking care of her though her illness.

I knew even at 8 years old that, that gotta hurt. I'm not gone sit here and act like I always understood the motives of my father but I tried because he always tried to understand me and til' this day, he is one of the top 3 people that KNOWS me like the back of his hand.

I don’t want to pass down my pain to my son, he don’t need that- the world will give its fair share. But everyday I pray that the world won’t hurt him bad. I want my son to be nothing less than strong mentally, emotionally, but most of all spiritually. He won’t have that unless I’m solid. So I ask myself… ‘hm, what’s still hurting me?’.

We all got a story to tell.

Love. Peace. Manifest.

#black #love #hate #generationalcurses #generations #hurt #healing #blackfamilies #blog #monetsway #alcoholism #mother #father

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secretshinigami · 3 years ago

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Late Night Show

Title: Late Night Show Author: @complicatedmerary For: @fogspecs Pairings/Characters: Misa/Takada tease, Kiyomi Takada, Misa Amane, Hitoshi Demegawa (cameo), Light Yagami (mentioned only) Rating/Warnings: Teen and Up, alcohol mention, Demegawa being a gross boss, tabloid gossip nonsense, mean girl behavior, mild language, mild violence Prompt: Misa and Takada have romantic tension between them. Author’s notes: Misa and Takada, you say? Don’t mind if I do! As I was drafting ideas for the offered prompts, it occurred to me that the only time Misa and Takada met in canon was when Misa had no memories of being Kira. If we are being honest, that was a missed opportunity. Then, I thought, what if Misa has her memories intact, but Takada is not Kira’s spokeswoman? How will their dynamic change? Hope you enjoy!

______________________________________

“I’m telling you, Miss Takada, with your great assets and even greater personality, you will have my audience eating at the palm of our hands. My show has been craving a female perspective on scandalous gossip, you have no idea how much hate mail I receive for being unfair to these airheaded celebrities. If we get this right, no one will ever accuse me of having no substance, we are respectable journalists, dammit!”

Kiyomi Takada had barely started her first day of work and she already regretted every second of it. Truth be told, it was not a regular job, it was a weird hybrid of an internship that she had to fight to be eligible for credit and an arduous job that guaranteed humiliating tasks and low pay. The real reward is experience, she kept telling herself over and over as she reluctantly took this opportunity after being rejected by reputable news network stations. She had the nagging suspicion that Hitoshi Demegawa only chose her based on her looks rather than her impeccable academic record, but at this point it was too late to challenge this. No, she had to swallow her pride if she wanted to prove herself to be worthy of broadcasting intellectual journalism in the next few years.

“Hey, hey, what’s with the gloomy face?” Demegawa snapped his fingers close to Takada’s nose, startling her. “Celebrity gossip is supposed to be fun! Well, unless I report the usual actor breakdown, but that’s just show business, no one is truly getting hurt anyway.” He chuckled, holding himself by his belly.

Takada barely flinched.

“Come on, I’m just joking, don’t be so serious. We have something juicy coming up in thirty minutes and I need you to familiarize yourself with the news that has happened this morning.” Demegawa stopped speaking, gave Takada a nefarious grin, then patted her cheek as if she were a kid. “How about smiling for once? You will fit right in when people don’t see you as an ice queen.” He turned to the side and snapped his fingers repeatedly. “Everyone should be getting their makeup done, don’t you dare step out if your face is a mess!”

She took note of scrubbing her cheek raw until there was no trace of his dirty hand.

~~~

Takada looked over her script as her makeup artist fluffed some blush across her cheekbones. She wasn’t the type to focus on such frivolous things, but if she had to play the role of the tabloid host darling, she will gladly do so to keep Demegawa satisfied. Her credit and career depended on it.

She flipped the page with a lack of interest; Hideki Ryuga was out of the country for the third time this month? It wouldn’t surprise her if he ended up caught in a money laundering scheme, he seemed to be just that dumb. Next up, was A-list actress, Suki Aragaki, marrying his longtime beau, movie director, Kenji Ozu, after enduring a nasty love triangle that ended Ozu’s decade-long marriage. Congratulations, I guess, Kiyomi snorted, rolling her eyes at the absurdity.

She continued flipping until a familiar name made her stop on her tracks. Misa Amane. Without realizing it, her knuckles turned white as she gripped the script, and her jaw clenched painfully.

“Are you alright, Miss Takada?” The makeup artist placed a hand on her shoulder.

“Of course,” Takada let out a deep breath as her anger simmered down. “I’m just nervous, that’s all.”

The makeup artist nodded. “I understand. Don’t let Demegawa intimidate you, he is quite sweet once you get to know him.”

That was doubtful, but she was not about to argue, her attention was somewhere else. Misa Amane. The same silly model who appeared on campus and snatched Light Yagami away from her. To make matters worse, Amane randomly texted her out of nowhere months ago to let her and all of Light’s “other girls” know (which came as a disturbing revelation to her) that Light asked her to move in together and to back off. Why did Light love such an insecure, clingy woman? What could they possibly have in common besides good looks? And her classmates dared to call her superficial, how laughable.

As she kept reading the script, the gloom evaporated like a burst bubble. Misa Amane has been caught buying a pregnancy test despite declaring over the weekend at the premiere of her latest movie that she and her private boyfriend were waiting till marriage. Are we expecting wedding bells for the lovely couple, or did they marry in secret already to avoid the ire of her rabid fanboys? Unless there is something more sinister going on and her boyfriend is not the father of that baby. Perhaps that’s why Hideki Ryuga is out of the country, he is running away from his duty as a father! Those two have been fighting the persistent rumors of romance on set and that might settle it once and for all. Whoever the baby’s father is, congratulations to Misa Amane and her bundle of joy. We can’t wait to have more single mothers in the entertainment industry, such an underrepresented group in our society!

Takada tried to stifle her giggles between her fingers, but her amusement couldn’t be contained. For once Demegawa’s brutal commentary came in handy, there was no way Misa Amane could recover from this scandal. If there was anything juicier than an affair, it was a pregnancy resulting from the affair!

Oh, tonight’s show was going to be so much fun.

~~~

“It just does not make any sense, Miss Takada,” Teppei, her co-host, shook his head. “How can this movie be such a critical success when every review I have seen declared it the worst movie of the year even though we are halfway there? Who is bribing the industry to keep promoting it on television when no one wanted this movie to be made in the first place? It is a conspiracy; I am so sure of it.”

Takada pretended to act interested in the topic and simply smiled widely. She barely met Teppei today and she finally had the confirmation that she was dreading: He was a certified spoiled brat who assumed himself to be the greatest thing that has ever happened to comedy. The son of a politician, he got far enough to step into movies and television because his father left him a bottomless pit of money. He wasn’t good looking, so he relied on his short stature and misogynistic jokes to compensate for the lack of attention he never received in the spotlight. It worked perfectly enough to be perceived as harmless and now he got to hang out with late night show comedians and tour around the country. Takada wondered for how long mediocrity was going to be standard. If he were someone else, Demegawa would have no doubt chewed him out, but money and publicity ruled in his greedy heart.

“The real conspiracy is,” Takada pointed at the screen, a photo of Hideki Ryuga and Misa Amane on set, holding hands. “What is up with these two? They keep stating over and over that there is no romance, but I have yet to see her publicly with her supposed boyfriend. What exactly is she hiding?” The next slide showed a paparazzi shot of Misa Amane allegedly going to the pharmacy for a pregnancy test.

The audience gasped loudly, as expected, thanks to the teleprompter.

“Woah,” Teppei spun around dramatically. “Didn’t she say she was waiting till marriage?”

“It makes you wonder why Hideki Ryuga is out of the country for the third time this week,” Takada gasped. “What are the odds that he found out about her pregnancy and is panicking about the possibility of being a father?”

“If that’s not the case, then she married her boyfriend in secret to keep up with her indiscretion and avoid the ire of her fans.” Teppei covered his mouth and giggled like a schoolboy. “Sucks for him because if they were supposed to be celibate, then that’s Ryuga’s baby! Man, things are not going well for Misa Amane!”

“Congratulations to Misa Amane and her bundle of joy,” Takada recited the script with unnecessary enthusiasm. “We can’t wait to have more single mothers in the entertainment industry, such an underrepresented group in our society!”

The phone rang on the set, which meant that a fan of the show had the opportunity to give their perspective on the topic. This was Demegawa’s idea to encourage “respectful dialogue” on live television, but Takada knew better: It was to enforce the trashiness of the show with inflammatory controversy, and there was no doubt one of Misa’s fanboys was calling to defend her “honor and dignity.”

Yeah, you cannot defend something that never existed, Takada thought bitterly.

“Looks like we struck a nerve,” She hummed and picked up the phone, setting it to onset speaker. “Yes, how can we help you?”

“YOU DISGUSTING, UGLY BITCH!” A shrill voice echoed around the studio, creating some feedback on the boom microphones. “I ought to sue every single of you for defamation of character! I would never cheat on my boyfriend, especially not with Hideki Ryuga! You are all sick in the head for lying this bad!”

Takada couldn’t help the grin that was plastered on her face … No one could mistake that voice to someone else. So, Misa Amane was the type of celebrity who watched gossip shows to hear if she was relevant? This was just too hilarious and unsurprising for her.

“Sorry, Miss Amane, we are just reporting the news,” she said coolly. “We are not fond of frivolous lawsuits, so I ask you to respect the press.”

“YOU ARE NOT REPORTING ‘NEWS’, YOU ARE SPREADING GARBAGE!” There was a brief silence on the other line, and then the sound of chugging down a liquid echoed on the speaker. “You are just jealous that I’m in a committed relationship and you are stuck with your misery,” Misa’s words were slurred. “How about spreading some good news? Whatever happened to being kind?”

“With all due respect, Miss Amane,” Teppei had a smug grin on his face. “You are in the entertainment industry; we don’t owe you kindness. If you can’t handle criticism, maybe being a celebrity is not the job for you.”

Takada covered her mouth, hiding the twitch on her lips that she couldn’t contain any longer. Was this truly the end for Misa Amane? No one seemed to be on Misa’s side, and she was humiliating herself on live television. Things were finally looking up for her.

“Oh, shut up, Teppei, no one likes you, you are only relevant because of your daddy,” Misa shot back. “And as for you, Kiyomi Takada, my boyfriend will never be with you, he prefers me, he said so himself, so knock it off.”

The bombshell caused a murmur amongst the audience and Takada stiffened on the spot. No, she was not going to let Misa Amane win this fight, not now, not ever.

“Wow, Miss Amane, are you having a mental breakdown?” She chuckled. “Jealousy is not part of a healthy relationship, it’s not good that you are projecting your insecurities on me. We don’t even know each other.”

“That’s it! I’m going down to Sakura TV, find you, and kick your butt! You’ll be sorry for messing with me—”

“Like that’s ever going to happen.” And with that, she slammed the phone and there was nothing but the dial and laughter from the audience.

She wondered if she ruined her chances of ever being taken seriously, but one glance at Demegawa’s blissful face told her everything she needed to know: This episode was one for the books.

~~~

It was close to midnight when the show finally ended, and Takada stayed overtime to talk to Demegawa about the possibility of hosting the show by herself. He said he would think about it, but he couldn’t guarantee anything despite the reception. That was good enough for her. For now.

As she approached the parking lot, she heard footsteps to her left, but there were so light that for a second, she thought she imagined it in her head. She was tired and it had been a long and overexciting night, she couldn’t wait to go home and sleep on her bed.

“There you are!”

Takada turned around and she couldn’t believe what she saw: Staring at her with malice was Misa Amane, standing up straight with her legs apart, and clenched fists.

“I told you I was going to find you and kick your butt! Now, don’t you dare move!” Misa sprinted forward with so much velocity on her direction, her gaze still focused.

Takada panicked for a few moments, darting her head back and forth, looking for a way out. Instinctively, she raised her arms across her face to defend it and swung her leg on any direction her adrenaline asked her to do, her eyes closed.

It all happened so fast: As Misa aimed to kick Takada on the shin, she tripped on Takada’s swinging foot, and she landed on the concrete, stomach down.

Takada opened her eyes when she heard the agonizing whines below her and gasped at the sight of Misa laying flatly in the middle of the parking lot. Oh, God, I didn’t hurt her that bad, did I?

“Are you alright?” She felt pathetic; of course, she was not alright, she just tripped her with her foot, what a terrible question!

“Here, let me help you—”

“Don’t touch me!” Misa shrugged her off as she managed to stand on her own. Well, just barely, she couldn’t maintain her balance as she tried to step away towards the street.

Despite hating that woman with a burning intensity, she was not going to let Misa walk by herself with injuries all over her, especially in such a shady area. No, if she drove away and Misa ended up missing (or worse, dead) because she was alone, she could no longer call herself a virtuous person.

“You are not going anywhere. Come on, I need to take you home.” Takada dragged Misa roughly by the arm towards her car.

“Let me go!” Misa tried to resist her, but her balance betrayed her. “I’m not going to tell you where I live, you are going to stalk Light if you know!”

God, would she stop being so freaking loud?

“Either you tell me where you live, or you have no choice but to spend the night in this parking lot,” She pushed Misa inside the car and dropped her legs on the passenger seat. She then held her arms as she put the seatbelt over her body.

“I don’t have time for this, you are a grown woman, act like it—” She caught a whiff of cheap wine on Misa’s breath. “Ugh, so you are drunk. That’s it, I’m going to drive all around the city until you tell me where I should drop you. I’m not stopping until you get over yourself.”

~~~

The drive did go longer than expected; it was one in the morning and Misa refused to speak one word to her. Two could play the game, Takada did not say one word either. The only sound filling out the silence was the pop radio station playing the same song for the third time. At this point, she wondered if she will ever get peace for at least trying to help another woman out.

“I did mean what I said on the phone,” Misa murmured quietly. “Light does not want you, he never did.”

Why was she bringing that up now? Why did it matter after she ignored her this time entire time?

“I don’t care,” Takada rolled her eyes. “You don’t need to do this, you have him, why isn’t that enough for you?”

“It’s easy for you to say,” Misa snorted. “He dumps you and you act like it never happened. If Light were to dump me, I don’t think I would want to continue living.”

Good lord, this woman is insane.

“You want to know what the worst part is?” Tears suddenly rolled down her eyes. “The reason why I don’t want you to drop me to my apartment is because you will not find him there. He has been acting so weird since—” She shook her head. “No, he is a man, this is a man thing. It’s normal for your boyfriend to not spend every night together, right?”

Takada really wanted to say, no, it was not normal, but she didn’t know what she could possibly say that could make this situation better. She didn’t ask for this personal information, this was none of her business. And yet, why did she want to hear more about Light’s inability to keep his own girlfriend happy? What the hell was wrong with him?

“I’m not pregnant, you know,” Misa whispered, and Takada’s glanced at her, confused. “We have tried—Well, I tried my best to let that happen. I’ve been so hopeful that maybe if we have a baby together, we will be bonded for life. That, maybe, just maybe, he would look at me differently. Yes, I did buy that pregnancy test, and yes, the photos are real, but I’m not pregnant. Are you happy now? You got your little revenge by making fun of me, now I’m asking the media to do the same.”

It was hard to swallow, her throat was so dry. She couldn’t believe this, but she felt guilt. Guilt for even entertaining the idea of messing up someone’s life in such a public manner. Guilt for doing that in the first place for the sake of ratings!

Sorry was not going to be enough, she wasn’t even sure what was she apologizing for. Sorry I tripped you with my foot? Sorry I bullied you so badly that you had to get drunk to deal with the pain on live television? Sorry Light Yagami is not a perfect man? She felt nothing, anything that she could possibly say was going to be in vain if she didn’t mean it.

She suddenly stopped her car and parked on the side of the road. She turned off the radio and breathed out slowly, attempting to calm herself. Screw this, she had to do the right for once.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea that you are left drunk in your apartment.”

“What?” Misa’s eyes widened.

“If Light is not there to keep an eye on you, then—”

“What are you trying to say?” Misa was instantly furious. “I can take care of myself, I’m not a child. When Light comes back in the morning, he won’t even notice I was drunk, it’s like it never happened, we are back to being a normal couple. If you are suggesting that I would do something drastic … I’m not stupid! What do you take me for?”

“Please listen to me,” Takada pinched the bridge of her nose and breathed in and out slowly again. “I’m not saying you are stupid; I’m just trying to say that you are not in control of your emotions, and I don’t trust you to be by yourself for now.”

“I am in control of my emotions.”

“You literally cried to me that Light is not spending every night with you.”

Misa kept her mouth shut.

“All I’m saying is that I need to keep an eye you.” She regretted the words once they left her lips. Was it the guilt talking? Was she considering taking care of Misa until she got over her drunkenness? What the hell was going on here?

“I know what to do now,” She restarted the engine and shifted to drive.

“Where are we going?” Misa asked with suspicion.

“I’m taking you to my apartment and give you the chance to rest there.”

“YAY!” Misa hugged her suddenly and kissed her cheek, almost causing Takada to let go of the steering wheel. “We are going to have a girls’ night, we could stay up all night, tell each other stories—”

“Not happening,” She cut her off, but she smiled despite herself.

Misa giggled. “You know, your numbers just switched, it’s like they moved up.”

“What?”

“Oh, nothing, nothing that you should ever worry about.” She said in a sing-song voice.

Takada rolled her eyes. It was going to be a longer night than anticipated.

#fanfiction #death note #submission #misa amane #kiyomi takada #hitoshi demegawa #complicatedmerary #fogspecs #Near's Bday Finale 2k21 #ratings: teen

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atozfic · 3 years ago

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Love when people reveal themselves as being so obviously online and insulated in leftist/progressive circles that they seem to forget that the rest of the world is not nearly as accepting or supportive of not conforming of gender roles as these spaces are. Like when did you say the reason anyone likes femsub or the reason it's popular at all is because they're young or don't know anything about sex? To me it's pretty clear you were talking about it as a larger trend and why it's so much popular than everything else overall. And to be completely frank, what is the reason femsub is so much popular than anything else OVERALL (not why any individual person likes it or it has any kind of appeal), if not gender roles? Are women just naturally more submissive than men (not saying you think this)? Because I have seen people say this, yes even so-called "feminist" men and women, that my preferences are unnatural because men evolved to be sexually dominant and women evolved to be sexually submissive, and that I'll never be in a happy or satisfying relationship unless I make myself more submissive and change my preferences because men just naturally don't like dominant women. I'm pretty sure you would not like if I took those hurtful and negative experiences and said any woman is submissive is that way is because they're misogynists who just think it's all women's nature to be submissive. And I'm pretty sure of this cause of the way that you freaked out when you even THOUGHT somebody might be implying that when they weren't. So why the fuck is it okay for you to say dom women are the way that we are because we think we're "enlightened" or more strong or better than everyone else and only like what we like because we want to be ~not like other girls~ for attention because of your negative experiences? And I like how they only talk about submissive or vanilla women getting shamed, so true bestie, dom type women, sexually or otherwise, never get shamed for their preferences. Nope, never ever. It's not like people always joke about women "wearing the pants" in the relationship and how it means she doesn't respect her partner. It's not like assertive or aggressive women are called a "bitch" but when men act that way it's sexy. It's not like religion teaches women they have to submit to men or no man will ever love them or they'll never be happy. It's not like people say that women that want to be dominant are "acting like men" or "want to be men" and therefore are unattractive, as if dominance is inherently masculine thing. It's not like a lot of men genuinely believe that all/most women want to be dominated in bed and so they don't even have to ask, they just do things to you and try to dominate you without your permission or consent or without ever having talked about that kind of thing before. Nope, we must have it sooo easy because we've got grrrrllll powerrr on our side, all women love us cause they think we're such cool independent and empowered women, and all men love us cause they think we're just so cool and not like the other girls. Like honestly, I don't assume to know what they experience of submissive women is like or that they must have it so easy because they're preferences are in line with gender roles, because I'm not one and i know they don't always have it easy because I've heard of women in the irl bdsm community being treated badly by shitty men who think it's okay to abuse them or do whatever they want to them because they're sub identified (or sometimes just because they're women). So why is it okay for you to assume what are experience is like?

I'm not involved in any real life bdsm community because corona and I'm anti-social bitch but I do like to lurk on online communities for fun (something I should probably stop doing cause it's not good for my mento health luv lmao). This whole thing reminds me of these weird ass screeds I sometimes come across by straight male doms on reddit where they go on and on trying to reconcile their desires with feminist politics either because a) they're genuinely a misogynistic piece of shit and people call them out on it or b) they're genuinely progressive/humanist men who have some difficulty reconciling their desire to be dominant with feminism for whatever reason. And so they do this weird thing where they project these worries and insecurities outwards, and manufacture a situation where anyone who criticises gender roles at all is against them personally, and it would be so much easier if they were just a female dom instead, everyone would apparently have no problem at all with them then, cause grrrrllll powerrr.

I don't like to engage in armchair psychology but the follow-up ask from that anon made it pretty clear to me that they have some insecurities around reconciling their preference for submission with feminism because of some negative and hurtful experiences, and so they deal with it by projecting it onto anyone that suggests that gender roles might be why SOME people gravitate more towards it and why it's so much more popular than everything else. I'm sorry that those people said those things to you anon, they're wrong, but a) most of those people tend to be against all bdsm in general, not just femsub and b) you need to work out those insecurities by yourself. You can't lash out at anyone who tries to talk about the relationship between societal norms and preferences at all, it's not helpful or productive.

Also how do they know those people unfollowed you for that reason? Is that an assumption or a verifiable fact? I'm not necessarily saying they didn't either, I'm not a mind reader, but like, some people are just sexist and think women are naturally submissive, sexually or otherwise. I've met them before.

to quote my therapist: that was alot to unpack.

i'm gonna give a longer reply under the cut but i just want to state here i'm not posting this ask to offend or hurt, or even "one-up", the original anon who sent that ask regarding sub!females. i have no issue with them and, again, think they're in every right to send their original ask. i'm posting it because i do think this anon made some very interesting points and brought up alot of worthy of being discussed topics.

let me also put a disclaimer here that i am not a genius nor someone very well-versed in gender politics, i'm simply a twat on the internet with a negative mindset.

"Love when people reveal themselves as being so obviously online and insulated in leftist/progressive circles that they seem to forget that the rest of the world is not nearly as accepting or supportive of not conforming of gender roles as these spaces are."

this. omfg, t h i s. i see this so much, especially in my younger cousins/relatives who are just now beginning to develop their own political opinions. let's take the conversation away from dom/sub for one second and just focus on gender in society. one of the clearest examples of gender affecting the way someone is treated/viewed is something i've experienced first-hand: i was misdiagnosed four times before i was correctly given my diagnosis for ASD, because most of the studies regarding it center around boys and, therefore, most women go undiagnosed. in fact, for years it was believed only men could have it which is why there has been such a surgence in the past few years of adult women being diagnosed with autism. i remember hitting high school, experiencing academic burn-out (thanks to everything moving too fast + my classmates catching up to me intellectually) and having my teachers treat me like i was an imbecile, or i was lazy, rather than just someone with neurodivergence. (this isn't me implying tjat men with ASD have it easy or that society accepts them anymore than women, it's only easier for them to get diagnosed.)

"it's not like people always joke about women wearing the pants."

this applies to both the shaming of dom women and sub men. the amount of men who get treated like they're "losing their manhood" for letting a women(or anyone else) dom them is ridiculous.

honestly, I think at the end of the day (and to close up this whole issue-that's-not-really-an-issue), we're unfortunately always going to live in a world where people have opinions against either side of the dom/sub spectrum, or the whole bdsm community in general. the best thing we can do is try lessen the internal conflict, especially between dom and sub women. we gotta stop treating each other like the enemy when all we really are is people with a differing preference. at the end of the day, what someone chooses to do in their bedroom is no one else's business (unless it harms anyone) and we need to take away the importance we seem to put on it. we're on a floating rock in space, who cares if becky likes to peg her boyfriend on a sunday morning or if stacy likes to be tied up on a thursday evening?

also, anon, i like the way you worded this whole ask. despite it being long, it was easy to read and you made some great points. sorry my reply isn't more exciting, i just in general agree with most of what you've said.

#again i don't have any issue with the original anon who sent that ask #we all act on impulse when our enotions overwhelm us and i respect them for even thinking they needed to apologise #also have you guys noticed yet that i'm a little bitch who's afraud of confrontation???#we love to see it 🤸‍♀️#🎐: message board #anon asks

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starrynite7114 · 5 years ago

Text

Snapshots: First time

A/N: FINALLY! The wait is over! An update is here! I apologize for such a long wait. It’s been a crazy year, but I’ve been trying to get my muse back so I can write for you lovely people! Again, not super confident with my smut, but I am definitely trying.

If you all have any request for Angel & ‘you’ for snapshots, just send them in. Heck, if you have any Angel Reyes one shots that you want to request, throw it my way.

Once again, enjoy the update! Happy 2020!

Warning: Smut!

Rafael laughed as you laid on his couch, forearm over your eyes.

“Let me get this straight, you ran away from Angel, who was hot and sweaty because you were embarrassed?”

Hearing Rafael repeat your idiotic move made you groan out loud once again. You and Angel have been dating for 2 weeks and as much as your make out sessions have been ridiculously amazing, you actually haven’t had sex.

Why was that?

You weren’t a virgin. You were a hot blooded female who had sexual needs. But at the same time, you couldn’t move to the next step with Angel. You’ve had your fair share of heated kisses, but you always get interrupted or you wussy out. It was becoming harder and harder.

Bless your boyfriend since he was nothing but respectful. He didn’t want to push you. Angel knew how much of a big deal your first time was to you and the last thing he wanted to do was push you.

“Stop, I know, I’m an idiot.” You groaned.

“You’re not an idiot, I just don’t think it’s hit you yet.”

You gave him a confused look. “What?”

“You’ve had sex before, you’ve had sex after Jake even though Angel will never know about these nameless men,” Rafael snickered. “But I think you haven’t transitioned from best friend to girlfriend, or you can’t combine the two together.”

“What?” You knew what Rafael was referring too, you just didn’t think it was that obvious for everyone else. These past 2 weeks have been amazing with Angel, but at times, it feels as if it isn’t real. The only added perk to your relationship was kissing, but you couldn’t bring yourself to the next level and it was upsetting you. You wanted to, god you wanted to, but every time you’re about to take it to the next level, you just shrink.

“Are you afraid of what it’s going to change?”

“What?” You repeated.

Rafael fought the urge to roll his eyes at you. He loved you dearly, but you can be a bit slow at times, which he didn’t mind, but he knew how different things were for you. You never thought you would get Angel, Angel was unattainable. But now you had him, it was like you were still shell-shocked.

Relationships do not easily transition as they do in movies or television. You were so used to just being friends with Angel, that moving their relationship to the next level was difficult. You were so used to being just his friend that whenever the opportunity presented itself, you didn’t know how to let it go all the way.

“I can read you better than anyone, well, not better than Angel, but I can to some extent.” Rafael sat next to you, placing your head on his lap. “This is your defense mechanism.”

“What?” You removed your forearm that was covering your eyes and looked up at him

“You still feel some type of way about Angel being with other people.” You gave him a look. “Not in that way, I know you’re not going to give him shit over women he slept with before you, but I think you’re protecting yourself in the event that Angel decides that he doesn’t want to continue with this relationship,” Rafael explained. “Which I think is bullshit by the way because you know Angel won’t even change his mind.”

“I don’t think that’s true, I just, I’m weird, I don’t know.” You didn’t want to give Rafael the satisfaction that he was right. You were stubborn like that, but you know he can read right through you.

“In your head, if you two never have sex, you can still go back to being friends with him.”

You wanted to throw a pillow at Rafael, but you knew he was right. You covered your eyes with your forearm once again, making Rafael laugh.

“I can never go back to being just friends with him.”

“And you won’t because this is it. Angel is all in and I wish you were too.”

Your eyebrows furrowed at Rafael’s suggestion. “I am all in.”

“Are you? You seem to be finding every excuse to not fully commit.” Rafael pointed out annoyingly.

“What do you mean? I am fully committed to Angel.”

“But are you? If you were, we wouldn’t be having this conversation right now. I get it, you’re trying to protect yourself, it still hasn’t hit you that you two are together.” Rafael said all the reasons that were running through your mind. “But if Angel was truly your best friend, you should trust him. He would never hurt you intentionally. If you just see how Angel looks at you, you’d understand why I loved fucking with him. You hold the world in Angel’s eyes, his world revolves around you. I get it, Adelita was a hiccup, but stop holding it against him. How can he fight something he doesn’t know about?”

You sighed. Rafael was right. This was on you. Angel was incredibly respectful and made sure to not push your boundaries. But you knew he wanted to take things to the next level and it was time that you did. Talking to Angel was your main priority, he didn’t need to be kept in the dark about this, you two were always honest with one another after all.

He was still your best friend.

“I hate it when you’re right.”

Rafael laughed. “I’m just pointing out to you that he worships the ground you walk on, even though you think that’s not the case. Angel loves you, he’s made that very clear.”

“How can he change his mind so quickly?”

“About how he feels about Adelita?”

You nodded your head.

“Look, it’s always been you for him, I know you find that hard to believe, but you shouldn’t. Angel is the type of man who has always been second best. EZ was always above him. To him, he made that stupid deal with you not because you’re just there, it’s more so due to the fact that he wants to make sure he deserved you.”

“He told me that too.”

“Angel seems like a simple guy however, he’s quite complex. He has a cocky demeanor, but inside all of that is a big softie who is as vulnerable as anyone can be. You’re someone who got out of Santo Padre, but you always came back for him. As much as Angel wanted to keep you out of the life there, he could never let you go,” Rafael further explained. “Angel wanted you to branch out so that once it was time, it was going to be you and him. Sure, it was risky for him to not make a move early on, but Angel fought himself to not be overly selfish with you.”

“How do you even know all of this?”

“Because I’ve seen this dance between you and Angel, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure all of it out.” Rafael smirked. “And we may have shared a drink or two not too long ago.”

“You and Angel?” You sat up then, chuckling. “That’s interesting, seeing as how you were public enemy number one.”

“Well, since he found out I much rather sleep with him than you, I’m sure it made him feel at ease.” Rafael chuckled. “So, what are you gonna do?”

“I don’t know, I would hate for Angel to feel that this is his fault.” You weren’t exactly sure how to fix things. Angel has been such a sweetheart and there was nothing more that you wanted to do than rip Angel’s clothes off, but the voice in your head could be so loud at times, it was annoying.

“You know what, sleeping with Angel might solve all of this, it would just further cement how deep your relationship is,” Rafael knew that this was a conversation for you and Angel. It wasn’t just about reassurance, you had accepted the fact long ago that Angel would never be yours that now that he was, you weren’t exactly sure what you should do.

“Fuck, I feel like I should make it up to him.”

“You don’t need to make it up to him, don’t be silly. Just suck his dick.”

You laughed. “Rafa!”

“What?!” He laughed as well. “Show him the tricks I showed you.”

“I hate you.” You sat up, playful pushing him.

“But seriously, he loves you, you know this. Stop letting your insecurities dictate your relationship. Take the leap.”

And you will, but you just had to talk to Angel first. Or maybe you can avoid it and just go all the way. You were certain you can distract Angel.

==============================

“She swerved you again?” Coco busted out in laughter.

Angel sighed as Coco laughed at his ordeal. He wasn’t trying to push you to have sex with him, he was simply trying to seduce you for a lack of a better term. The ball was always in your court and he would never force you to have sex with him.

He knew how much of a big deal your first time was and this was your first time together. Your first time was with Jake and even though Angel wasn’t holding it against you, it upset him greatly. He would never tell you, but for 2 months, he avoided you. He couldn’t believe you slept with Jake. Did he clock block you on purpose before Jake? Absolutely. He just didn’t think that any man was worthy of you however, he never tried to control you. He just tried to sway you away from possibility fornicating with another man.

It was the most amusing thing for his brothers, to see Angel to try and dissuade you from having sex when he was sleeping with anything that walked. Angel never had a good reason for his double standard since there was no good reason.

“I still remember when you would try to scare her off from having sex with some guy at her college.” Coco shook his head as he chuckled. “You were a douche bag for that. What if she stayed with Jake because he was her first time? You know what they say, you get attached to the person you gave your V-card to.”

“Who the fuck actually believes that?”

“Plenty of people have been in that situation. My cousin married her bitch ass husband cause she couldn’t break away.”

“Your cousin is divorced.”

“That pendejo was an idiot, Jake isn’t. Jake treated her like a fucking queen. She would have never left him.” Coco slid a beer over to Angel. “You’re just lucky you’ve had her hooked for years or otherwise, Jake and Y/N would have been long gone.”

Angel hated it when people brought up Jake. He was well aware that he almost lost you to that asshole, more than aware. He remembered how hard he tried to be present in your life to assure that Jake wouldn’t be able to sink his claws in you. But for once, you were diverting Angel away, you were giving Jake a shot and it scared him. At times, he still feared you would wake up and decide that this life was not for you and you would go to New York with Jake. That you would realize that Angel wasn’t worth it.

He took a big swig of his drink then, making Coco laugh.

“Chill man, she won’t leave you now.”

“I know,” his voice betrayed him. He wasn’t actually certain you would never leave him. But he always pushed that thought to the back of his head. Angel was all about living in the moment. But he had moments where he thought of your future together. He wasn’t always so confident however, he tried his best to not let it plague his mind. It would cause trouble that was not needed or necessary.

“Maybe you should plan out a romantic dinner for her, get her in the mood.” Riz joined in the conversation.

“I don’t think getting her in the mood is the problem. She’s having a problem transitioning from best friend to girlfriend.” As much as you haven’t told Angel your struggles, he noticed. You were slightly awkward when things became more intimate.

“What?” Coco was confused, not sure what Angel meant.

Angel sighed. “We make out all the time, not a problem with her. But when I try to take it to the next level, she tenses up. I know she ain’t afraid of me. Then she becomes awkward, she moves away, covers up.” Angel knew that this was new for you. You’ve made out with your fair share of men, but he knew how transitioning was for you. It seemed like you two were still just friends, with added benefits. Angel never wanted to push the issues since he felt that you may believe it was due to him pressuring you to have sex. But he knew he would have to soon. He could see how nervous you would get whenever his hands would drift down to your underwear, how you would tense up. At first, he brushed it off, but now, he felt as if you weren’t interested and it upset him. Sex was not the only thing in your relationship, but he would like to take it to the next left, to become more intimate with you.

“Shit man, that’s a situation,” Coco chuckled, he couldn’t help but be amused at this. Angel never had a problem bedding women, but he always knew it would be different with you.

“You tried talking to her?” Riz questioned.

“How do I talk to her without sounding like a douchebag?”

His brothers nodded their head in agreement. It was a difficult situation. How could he talk to you without sound like he wanted more in order to appease his sexual appetite?

“Just bring it up in a way that makes it not about sex. For example, ask her why she becomes nervous when you try to take it to the next level, is she afraid or some shit like that.” Taza entered the conversation, getting a beer from Coco. “I must say, it’s refreshing to see you bent up over a woman.”

“Glad everyone is having fun at my expense,” Angel took a swig of his beer. “She thinks I’m gonna leave her.”

“Only one way for you to leave her and that’s in a box.” Taza shook his head. “You fucked up your girl.”

“I fucked her up?” Angel gave his VP an incredulous look.

“Come on Angel, ever since you joined the club, Y/N has been by your side. We always thought she was your girl, but you made it very clear in front of her and everyone that she was only your best friend. For so long, that’s all she’s been.” Taza began to explain. “Now, you finally admit your feelings to her and she may just be thinking you’re trying to appease her.”

“We all thought it was bullshit, but we never pushed it. We’re glad you finally got your head out of your ass.” Riz added. “And thank god you did cause we would hate to deal with you if she ended up marrying that jackass she was with.” The rest of their brothers laughed along with Riz, while Angel just shook his head.

“I’m sure you’re fully committed to her, but maybe she needs some reassurance.” Gilly suggested.

For Angel, you shouldn’t need reassurance. Maybe his plan backfired on him, but he couldn’t be selfish with you.

He always had this internal struggle that if he kept you at bay, you can have a normal life and still be in his life. The last thing he wanted was to tie you down to Santo Padre. Everyone knew that Angel’s life was in Santo Padre, he couldn’t leave if he tried. But you, he knew your life was outside of Santo Padre. The last thing he wanted

He knew that this wouldn’t be the first time you would need reassurance. Maybe he did damage that aspect of your relationship. But if he was to work on it every day for the rest of your lives, he was fine with that. You were the only person to stay by his side regardless of the stupidity he put forth. You always loved him unconditionally with no questions asked. It was time he showed his devotion to you.

==============================

“Querida!” Angel called out. After a long day at the club, he finally was able to come home to you and Angel could not wait. He was determined to take your relationship to the next level tonight, of course, with your permission.

“Bathroom!” You responded.

Angel took off his kute, placing it on his armchair before making his way to the bathroom. He stopped by the doorframe, leaning against it with his arms crossed across his chest. He bit his lip before letting out a chuckle. You were going to be the death of him.

“How’s the water baby?” He questioned. He felt his dick hardening as he watched you play with the bubbles, giving him this smile that always drove him crazy.

“Good, want to join?”

“No, I’m good,” Angel walked over to you, placing a kiss on your lips before sitting down beside you but on the bathroom floor. “How was your day?”

“Good, always fun to spend the day with Rafa, how was yours?”

He watched as you relaxed, leaning back on the tub, waiting for him to reply. If you didn’t want to have sex tonight, he would definitely need to have a cold shower, again.

“Better now especially cause I have you naked in my bathroom.” Angel put his hand inside the water, playfully splashing you. His forearm rested at the edge of the bathtub, his eyes hungrily roaming around your body. “Got enough room for me?”

“Always,” you smirked, scooting up to show Angel you had enough room for him to sit behind you.

Angel immediately undressed, smiling as you looked away, playing with the bubbles as he undressed. He sat behind you, pulling you against him, his semi-hardened member resting on your lower back. His arm rested on your chest, as your back rested against him. He whispered an ‘I love you’ into your ear, kissing the side of your head.

You two sat in silence, your eyes slowly closing as Angel’s warmth was relaxing your whole body. Angel’s lips began to leave faint kisses on your neck, moving your hair as he began to suck on those spots he knew would get you wrapped around his fingers.

You groaned out as Angel continued his ministrations, one of his hands running down your stomach.

“You going to run again?” Angel questioned.

“No,” you breathed out as Angel’s fingers ran up and down your inner thigh.

“Do you have any idea how many times I’ve dreamt of this?” He questioned as his finger ran up and down your slit, causing you to close your eyes and bite your lip, anticipating Angel’s next move. “So many times I’ve dreamt of how you looked without any clothes on, just looking up at me with those eyes of yours.” He bit your ear as he began to circle your clit with his thumb. “Mi vida,” he whispered into your ear as he circled your entrance with his index finger. Your head laid on his chest, your breath hitching when his finger entered your pussy. “Fuck baby,” Angel hissed, his hand squeezing your breast as his fingers began to go in and out.

“Angel,” you moaned out. He groaned, hearing you moan out his name, not even thinking of how your moans would affect him. His fingers went in and out faster.

He stopped, moving you so that his legs were on top of yours, spreading your legs wider. His fingers went in and out once again, his thumb strumming on your clit. “Damn baby, you’re tightening up,” he whispered.

Before you could cum, he pulled out his fingers, making you groan. “Angel!”

“You’ve been running away and teasing me, it’s payback.” He chuckled. “Let’s get you washed up and I’ll take you to bed, so I can worship you.”

You and Angel quickly washed up. He dried you up with the towel by his shower before he picked you up, causing you to giggle as he walked over to his bed. Angel was hard and he wasn’t hiding it. The towel was wrapped around you and he was bare. He laid you on the bed, letting the towel fall to either side of you.

Angel stood at the edge of the bed as you lay, waiting for his next move. His eyes studied your body, licking his lips as his eyes landed on your face.

“You’re so beautiful baby,” Angel moved on top of her, your lips connecting. Your hands were on either side of your head and Angel connected your fingers, grinding down onto you. “Feel that?” His lips hovered over yours as he grinded down again, “that’s all for you baby.”

You looked down, biting your lips as you looked at Angel’s well endowed cock. He was thick and long. For a moment, you weren’t exactly sure if you could actually take him. You haven’t had sex in a year or so and you haven’t exactly been masturbating either.

“Just be gentle, I haven’t done this since Jake.”

Angel simply kissed you before his lips made their way down to your neck, chest, and down to your inner thighs. “Has anyone ever gone down on you?”

“Is this really something you want to know?” You questioned, looking down at him. He smirked before biting your thigh. “Ouch! Alright, Jake did.”

“I’m gonna make you forget anyone before me, you’re mine now querida.” Angel kissed the skin he bit before using his fingers to part your lower lips. “Fuck baby, I’ve been dreaming of how you taste,” Angel’s words were getting to you and you watched as he lowered his tongue and ran it up your slit. You both groaned. “Oh, you’re in trouble now baby, I’ll never get my fill of you.” Angel stopped talking and let his tongue show you just how much he was enamored with you.

Clutching the sheets, you arched your back as Angel continued to lap at your pussy, your stomach tightening up.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” you chanted before letting out a groan as you had your first orgasm of the night. Angel moved away, watching as you tried to catch your breath, your legs closing.

Angel parted your legs, moving up your body, peppering kisses all over your skin. Once he reached your lips, he kissed you, his tongue slipping in. He pulled away, admiring your swollen lips as he ran his thumb across it.

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered as you took his thumb into your mouth, your tongue licking the tip of his finger. “You drive me fucking crazy,” he pulled his thumb out, reaching for the condom he strategically placed on the bed.

“No, we’re good, I’m on birth control.” You stopped him from opening the packet.

“You right, cause it’s you and me till the fucking end now, doesn’t matter to me if you get pregnant.” He stood up and walked over to his drawer. He took out the lube he had bought not too long ago and walked back over to you. “You’re wet, but I want to make this as comfortable as I can for you.”

Opening the bottle, he parted your lips and poured the lube down your pussy before collecting it with his fingers and pushing it in. You moan, opening your legs further. Angel smirked and removed his fingers, positioning himself on top of you. He ran his dick up and down your slit.

“God, you’re going to be the death of me, you really gonna let me enter you bare baby?” He pressed the tip of his dick against your clit, and you moaned once again. “I fucking love hearing you moan.”

“Yes, of course I would,” you responded, moving your hips. “Please put it in me,” you were upset that you waited so long to go the next step with Angel. Maybe it really didn’t sink in yet you’re his girlfriend, but you wanted this, you really did. To be this intimate with Angel would just further cement that it was you and him for the long run now.

Without anymore words between you, Angel slowly pushed inside you. You felt a slight discomfort as Angel stretched your pussy. He began to circle his thumb on your clit, your muscles relaxing as he did. You looked up at him and found him studying you, worry etched on his face.

“Tell me if you want me to stop,” Angel knew he wouldn’t stop, but the last thing he wanted to do was hurt you.

“Just push it all the way in,”

Angel did as you asked and you threw your head back when he was buried to a hilt. You felt so full, grabbing on his forearms that rested on either side of your body. It was slightly painful, and you knew Angel wouldn’t move till you asked him to do so. He kissed you, continuing to stimulate your clit.

“Baby, you’re so fucking tight,” Angel knew he had to move soon because if you keep squeezing him like you were now, this was going to be an embarassingly short first time. He couldn’t let that happen. “Can I move?”

The discomfort left and the pleasure came. You nod your head as Angel slowly pulled out, almost completely before slamming himself back in. He stood on his knees, parting your legs further with his hands. He watched as his cock went in and out of your pussy, groaning at the site of your wetness all around his cock.

His eyes traveled to you and your head was tilted back in ecstasy as his thrust came faster and faster. This was a sight he could get used to. Watching you come apart because of him. He slowed down, causing you to look over at him. Angel gave you that devlish smirk of his, grinding down on you, brushing against your clit.

Before you knew it, he rolled you two over and you were on top. While his arms around you, he moved to the top of the bed so he can lean against the headboard.

“It’s your turn baby,” Angel placed his hands on your thighs, waiting for you to move.

You bit your lip, placing your hand on his shoulder. “I’ve never done this before,” you sheepishly admit.

“What?” Angel questioned.

“Jake was always on top,” it wasn’t a bad thing, at least you didn’t think so. Missionary and doggy style were the only ones Jake mostly did. You never complained since you enjoyed it and it’s not like you knew any better.

Angel chuckled, shaking his head. “Alright baby girl, I’ll guide you.”

He aided you with moving up and down his cock. For some reason, he felt deeper this way. You began to pick up speed, getting the hang of riding Angel. You looked at your boyfriend as he bit his lips, watching where you two were connected. You looked down as well, moaning out loud as you felt that familiar feeling in your stomach again.

“That’s right baby, just like that,” Angel began to stimulate your clit again. You knew that you were going to come.

“Angel!” You screamed out as you felt yourself come undone. Angel kept circling your clit as you slowed your movements.

He sat up, capturing your lips once again. He cradled your face, nuzzling your noses together.

“I fucking love you y/n,” he said to you. “Don’t ever forget that, I love you, only you.”

You nodded your head, feeling yourself tear up. Looking into Angel’s eyes and just seeing how they softened when he proclaimed his love for you, it made your heart swell. You felt terrible for doubting Angel, but it just seemed all so surreal to you. It was just the beginning of your relationship, you had your whole lives to make up for lost time.

He placed you on your back before he began to thrust in and out of you once again. You realized that you’ve had an orgasm twice tonight and he hasn’t. But with the way his hips were moving, you knew that he may be close and he was. Angel knew he was coming soon. You were so slick and tight, it wasn’t hard to thrust in and out.

Angel was moving in and out of you faster, the friction was just far too good for you. “You ready to cum again baby?” Angel questioned as he felt his orgasm coming as well.

“Querida, fuck!” Angel yelled out as his thrust became sloppier. You feel an orgasm coming again, whimpering out Angel’s name as he kept pounding into you.

“I’m cumming baby,” Angel finally came after a few thrust, with you following after him. He groaned out as you continued to squeeze him before he removed himself.

He watched as his cum dripped down your pussy. He stood up and went to the bathroom to grab a washcloth. He cleaned you up, which surprised you as this was the first time it ever happened.

“Get under the covers,” Angel ordered.

You followed, waiting for him to come back. Angel slipped under the covers, pulling you towards him. You faced one another, a satisfied smile on both of your lips.

“Sorry this took so long.”

Angel chuckled. “Don’t fucking apologize for that. I wasn’t going to push you if you weren’t ready. But I’m so fucking glad you were ready tonight cause if you weren’t I would have to have another cold shower.”

You laughed. “I love you, Angel.”

He smiled, placing his hand on your cheek. “I love you too,” he kissed you before pulling you against him as he laid on his back. “Alright nap time before the next round.”

“What?” You looked up at him as he looked down at you.

“Oh baby, we’re just getting started.”

#angel reyes fic #angel reyes fanfic #mayans mc imagine #mayans mc fic #angel reyes #angel reyes fanfiction

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nicostolemybones · 5 years ago

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Odd One Out

Tw: references of ableism, discussions of consent and boundaries (just to clarify there is not underage sex referenced implied or depicted as a result of this discussion so no worries)

Nico was always the odd one out. No matter what, there was always something about him, always a strike against him. Son of Hades. Immigrant. Gay. Neurodivergent. Disabled. That last one was a relatively new revelation for Nico- it wasn't like he hadn't noticed the pain, hadn't used being lazy or being in the underworld as an excuse for people to leave him alone on days where the pain was so bad he couldn't move- because he didn't want anyone to know. And he didn't want it to be real. All he had going for him was his ability to fight, his freaky powers that gave him the upper hand, his command over the dead. But some days he was in so much pain that he'd lay in bed and cry. Sometimes after using his powers he'd pass out asleep for far too long to be normal. And it was getting worse, because he'd been ignoring it.

It wasn't that he thought less of himself for it. Or that he was ashamed. It was the limitations. And sure, people loved to tell him that he could do anything and he was only limiting himself- but that wasn't true. Sure, today he could go and train with Percy. But he'd probably collapse in pain, potentially cause himself irreparable damage trying to push himself too far. He'd end up in the infirmary with Will having to sit him up whilst he cried out in pain, he'd be unable to stand because the pain would be so bad he couldn't physically load bare.

Simply: he had physical and mental limitations. And Nico was struggling to accept that.

He was struggling to accept it because yesterday he was running around playing capture the flag, and this morning his hips felt like somebody had a cheese grater on his joints every time he moved, flaring with a sharp and dull burn. His body felt heavy and sore and he felt like he was suspended in a heavy raincloud- he barely had the strength to get up. He hadn't slept last night- he'd tried, but Nico suffered with insomnia. It wasn't abnormal for him to go several days unable to sleep, even with sleeping tablets. It also wasn't abnormal for Nico to flit in and out of long bouts of naps for two days straight unable to eat or move apart from to go to the bathroom.

He was struggling to accept it because nobody else did.

Today he was using his walker. He'd already had a camper say he didn't need it because he was running just fine yesterday. He'd already had someone chastise him for using the disabled toilet because he wasn't really disabled. He'd already had someone tell him he was useless as a demigod. He'd already had someone say he wouldn't last long because natural selection would pick him off. Not disabled enough to deserve aids, too disabled to deserve respect. Not visibly disabled enough for people to accommodate his needs, too visibly disabled for people to not speak to him like he was an infant- or worse- ask someone else what was wrong with their friend whilst saying what a shame it is their friend is disabled. Nico wished the word used was disabled. Instead it began with an s. Then when Nico yelled at them the next word used against him began with an r.

He went back to his cabin after that for a shower- he could feel his energy just draining away by the minute and his pain was worsening and he knew he'd probably be unable to shower comfortably soon. He knew he'd probably need his wheelchair for a few days. And he knew camp was absolutely fucking terrible to navigate in a wheelchair. Tables were too low or too high, the apparently flat ground was bumpy and he kept almost tipping out every time he hit a bump, uncut grass kept snagging in his wheels, he couldn't reach a lot of stuff, and the ramps- the ramps were so fucking steep Nico was practically sisyphus reborn but instead of pushing a boulder up a hill it was Nico trying to push himself up a goddamn ramp just to use the bathrooms. Unstoppable force meets immovable object. Nico was scrawny- strong yes, but malnourished and disabled. Pushing himself up those bumpy steep accessibility ramps made him want to tear the whole thing up and scream. And then the doors- wide enough for a wheelchair yes. But not wide enough when someone's arms are at the sides trying to push themselves through it. Nico's arms were so scraped and grazed already from the doors- which were heavy and did not stay open, trying to close and hitting him repeatedly, and then there was so little room to actually manoeuvre anywhere. Nico was losing his mind. And then his cabin- well that was just steps, of course he had to struggle up them.

So despite knowing he should probably use his chair today, he kept to his walker. He was in so much pain and he knew he should be in his cabin or in his chair but it was so much hassle at camp and any time he complained somebody was always there to tell him that camp was fully accessible for people with real disabilities. He was sick of it. Sick of people defining his disability, his accessibility, his capabilities, his limits- sick of people seeing his mobility aids as a burden to Nico. Because no, they weren't a burden to him. They were helping him to fucking move. He needed them and he wanted them. He didn't care if people kept telling him they were unattractive or how much more amazing his life would be if he just tried to walk. Bitch he didn't owe anything to anybody, he didn't have to put himself through pain just to be somebody's inspiration porn. And worse- whenever Nico called someone out, rather than apologising and listening, they'd wax poetic about how much of a good ally they were trying to help and how Nico was being ungrateful.

When Nico emerged from his shower, he was surprised to see Will Solace sitting on his bed- Nico blushed a little, but he was even more surprised to see his walker completely covered in yellow smiley face stickers. "Will?"

"I know people really suck," Will said, "and I know you feel like the odd one out and I know you get insecure because you're tired of everyone's bullshit. So I just- I wanted to remind you that it's all okay. Something to make you smile. Also I wanted you to know that I don't see your mobility aids as ugly or tragic like they all think I do. And I like putting stickers on all my favourite things and- your walker helps you to be in less pain and that's important to me. I don't care if it's bulky or if it's always in our photos. It's a part of you, kind of, and I love and accept all of you, and I hope the stickers don't come across as me trying to improve the walker and make it less ugly and if it does let me know so I can apologise and stuff…" Will trailed off, glowing nervously, in a way that Nico found endearing.

"Thank you," Nico said softly, "for trying to cheer me up, for not- treating me like a burden- for always trying to make me feel like I'm worthy of love."

"You are, Nico," Will said softly, "you're a person, a good person, you deserve to be respected and loved and you deserve the world, okay? And I can't give you the world but I can be cheesy and put my favourite stickers on your stuff to try make you smile. And maybe think of me when you feel sad and you look down at the floor. Because then when you're sad and you look down on the floor you'll see the happy smiley stickers and that's me reminding you that I love you and accept every part of you and assholes can fuck off and shut up. I know a few stickers won't fix everything but I hope it at least makes you feel less alone."

"Will…" Nico knew his angsty demeanor was completely melting. He could feel the heat in his cheeks.

"I'm sorry if I'm not helping very much…"

"You fucken dork," Nico smiled, making his way to Will. "I love you."

"I love you too, sweetcheeks."

"Call me that again and I'll rip your face off," Nico laughed.

"Sure thing. Sweetcheeks." Nico laughed. If Nico was uncomfortable with a pet name, he'd always say so, seriously. He'd communicated this with Will- threats were playful banter in response to cheesy nicknames, and meant he was okay with them. Will knew Nico wasn't uncomfortable and trusted that Nico would communicate if he was. Will rested his hands on Nico's hips, and Nico moved them up to his waist instead. "Sorry," Will said sheepishly, "is that a no-go always or just right now?"

"I'm not sure, Nico answered honestly, "I just felt a little uncomfortable because your hands were so close to my ass and my junk. I think maybe I'd be okay with you holding my hips when I'm not on edge, but wait until I give you the okay to do so? I'll move your hands where I want them to be."

"Of course, I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable." Nico leaned down to kiss Will softly, and Will still looked guilty.

"Will, I'm not upset. You haven't crossed my boundaries. I trust you. I know that if you get handsy I can just push you away and I know we'll always talk about it. Relax and kiss me. I'm grumpy and I want to be carried to campfire later."

"You mean you want to feel my muscles whilst I carry you?"

"Shut up," Nico blushed, letting his fringe fall over his face, "but yes. I have a gorgeous boyfriend, why wouldn't I take the time to appreciate that once in a while?"

"I'm jealous of your boyfriend," Will joked, and Nico snorted.

"Fucking dork. Wanna make my day and take me out for lunch?"

"Of course I do! But out of curiosity how much do my chances of kisses-"

"Sleaze," Nico joked.

"I'm kidding, Neeks. Even if I didn't ever get kisses I'd still love you and go out with you. You don't owe me kisses."

"I know," Nico smiled, "I trust you and your self control."

"What about my intentions?"

"Will. You're a teenage boy. So am I. Of course I don't trust your intentions," Nico joked, and Will snorted and glowed.

"Okay okay I want so badly to tell you you're wrong," he giggled, followed by "but seriously. My intentions are to make you happy, not to get in your pants. I mean I won't deny that my mind is very familiar with being in the gutter but I respect you and your body and your consent and your worth as a person. My dirty mind is my responsibility not yours. We're kids, casual dates and kisses are more than enough."

"Will, I love you and I know this," Nico smiled, "It's okay to joke about these things and have these feelings. I don't feel pressured by you at all. It's fun getting you all flustered and riled up. But I do appreciate that you always respect me and I do appreciate that you always clarify that I'm enough. But we've already had these serious talks, it's okay to joke about and talk about it. It's kinda flattering. You're my boyfriend. I'm comfortable with your feelings for me and I'm comfortable enough with you to know how much you respect me and love me."

"Does this mean I can stare at that ass in training?"

"Will. Do you really think I'm not purposely teasing you when you come to watch me train? With the tight leggings and my hair in a bun? Taking my top off?"

"Wait what." Will was staring, dumbfounded. He was bright red to the tips of his ears and glowing. Nico smirked. He liked teasing Will.

"I know you like it," he admitted, "consider it my treat."

"Neeks you don't have to put yourself on display and wear things for my benefit, my feelings are my respo-"

"Will. Shush. I know you're being respectful and I love that about you but have you thought that I like knowing I make you feel like that? I do it because I want to. Not because you'd like me to. But I like flustering you. I love it when you finally allow yourself to stare at me and you have to excuse yourself. It's fun, it's harmless. We're not crossing any boundaries by flirting. You're allowed to like my body. You don't make me uncomfortable and I'd say if you did. Relax. I like it when I catch you staring at me. When you're eager to kiss me. It makes me feel wanted. I like feeling sexy and wanted. I like knowing that my boyfriend finds me attractive. This is your permission to shamelessly stare at me and think about me. I know you won't cross my boundaries or make me uncomfortable or try to rush our relationship until we're old enough. You're a perfect gentleman but Will please be at least a little selfish sometimes? You can stare at me and you can ask for kisses. It's okay to be needy. It's okay to want kisses. It's okay to want- well, me, things, relationship stuff! I know you're trying to make sure I'm comfortable and happy. But Will. For gods sakes that doesn't mean you gotta act like a monk or something. It isn't a bad thing to be selfish and ask for kisses. You don't need to feel guilty for wanting to kiss your boyfriend. You don't have to wait for me. Just kiss me. Just grab me in the mornings and pull me behind the infirmary and pin me against the wall kiss me silly. Just pull me close of an evening and kiss me slow and hot just the way you like it. I'd tell you if I wasn't in the mood for kisses."

"O-okay!" Will looked like a very radioactive tomato. His blotchy red blush was reaching down his neck and he was glowing like crazy.

"Well?"

"Well w-what?"

"You're dense, Solace," Nico huffed, yanking Will to his feet and kissing him hard. "Kiss me and don't hold back. I trust you won't take it too far."

"O-okay! Yes! I can totally do that! The kiss of your life-"

"Will, stop being adorable! Shut up and kiss me like you mean it-" Will seemed to finally get the message and engage his last brain cell, and gods, Nico could die like this, because Will was a filthy kisser, and gods, Nico loved it.

Nico didn't feel like the odd one out with Will. Instead, Will made him feel like he was his whole world, one in seven billion. Will made him feel special and wanted and loved.

[Taglist: @spencerwritestuff @i-am-triple-a @minty-ships @fullobjectcreation] {you can ask to be added/removed! Also yes you can rb if you aren't on here}

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serpentsapple · 4 years ago

Text

(This post includes major spoilers for The Grisha Trilogy and the Shades of Magic series.)

@dykeblight replied to our introductory post with the following:

alright bud since u decided to put this in the main tags of the books ur critiquing ur ready to hear my take on this. first of all the wording in this post is pretentious as hell and it bothered me all thru out reading it. second of all, let’s lay some shit down: the only books ive read discussed in this post are adsom and tgt, and while i agree that tgt isn’t the most radically feminist book series out there, i have to ask: why are u focused on women writing this? why is this post generalizing

horrible male authors but name dropping female ones? alinas journey was largely about her realizing that she could make her own choices. about her not needing to be queen or supreme ruler or some shit. about how she could literally settle down with the worlds most boring dude and still be happy. anyways, beyond that: adsom. first of all, whenever someone pulls the “not like other girls” card for lila, i have to pull the “she’s genderfluid” card. it wasn’t Explicitly stated in the series, and v

has expressed regret for that, so it’s probably going to be more obvious in the next series. also, adsom is very much a period piece. you couldn’t be a woman in the early nineteenth century doing what lila did without like, yknow, *not being a woman.* the threat she got on that first ship— a period piece! if it was a male author, then that’s gross. but it’s not, a woman wrote it! lila also proceeded to burn the whole goddamn ship down. sometimes authors don’t want to write traditionally feminine

characters!!! sometimes women want to write about what THEY can relate to! and ve schwab, as a queer woman, probably did that. so now we come back to the question of WHY are you calling out only female authors for this? you could have accomplished the same goal by just including books and authors that you deemed Respectable. not to be that bitch, but there was literally no reason for you to post this lmfao. i think we should first tackle the issue that is men having access to keyboards, and

maybe then we can broaden our horizons by critiquing everything women do thats decidedly not perfect.

We created this blog to discuss these topics, so we welcome other opinions and interpretations!

To reiterate our goal and perhaps clarify... male authors already receive enough publicity and analysis - to the point they eclipse, at times, their female peers, even when it comes to writing female characters. How wonderful of them to treat fictional women as fellow human beings! (How shameless of others to treat them as their personal sexual fantasy!) Yet we would like to hear what women have to say about themselves. It is why we focus exclusively on their works.

Furthermore, we believe these works as worthy of analysis as any text written by a man. And it is precisely because of this conviction - their books potentially as grandiose, as mediocre as any man’s - that we will not refrain from criticising them. To treat them differently would be implicitly agreeing with the notion they aren’t as intellectually engaging as men’s writings.

Moreover, we are not advocating for “feminist” books from women. In fact, we dislike this qualifier: too often misattributed, rarely useful, always commercial. We desire convincing female characters, as talented as they are flawed, as just as they can be immoral. Thus, while we have grown tired of uncreative, unnecessary sexism in fantasy, we are not expecting perfect little militants in every story. We expect to be moved and stunned, to be left inspired or reflecting on what we read.

I hope this has cleared up our intent with the blog. Now, for the specific series discussed...

While I could see this be Bardugo’s aim for Alina’s journey, I disagree with it being well executed. Narratively speaking, I do not think Alina was treated fairly and was able to make true choices. Throughout all three books, Alina remained unobservant and somewhat self-centered, never challenging the affirmations of others and instead regarding them as truth. Let’s take the example of the Darkling: she accepts his supposed initial good intentions and views him, to the very end, as some kind of lost and anguished “boy”. Yet that isn’t what the text shows - on the contrary, the Darkling is a hollow character that spent centuries sitting on his behind, doing nothing for his fellow Grisha. Alina is never given the chance to realise this and reevalute what happened to her.

Beyond this, I feel like Alina’s journey was contrived from the start. Bardugo does not allow her to see beyond the words of others, nor does she allow her to actually grow. Alina’s crush on Mal and her fixation on remaining with him - despite him disliking what she is! - stems from a child’s anxiety and solitude. Instead of becoming her own woman, making her own choices and yes, having to face losing relationships, Alina regresses to the safety of her childhood, powerless and normal, just like Mal. Let us remember that, to remain with him, she sealed her powers within herself, endangering her health! So symbolically, it is a slap in the face: just when she embraced her powers - meaning letting go of her fears, of Mal -, she loses it all and go back to square one.

This is why I don’t find Alina’s journey satisfying. Even if it hurts, I wish to see female characters confronted to their fears and their flaws, and grow from them*. That is not what we witnessed with Alina. And: why is it that female characters must be “depowered”? Why does the Darkling (and Ilya Morozova) get to keep his immense powers, must live with his guilt, yet Alina loses every and any scrap of magic? Why is she punished for her greed so much, when she hardly is the greediest? (This echoes also Genya’s “punishment”, so heavily tied to her being a beautiful woman and beauty being, in Bardugo’s world, a key quality for women. Nikolai’s monstruous transformation is cruel but never specifically targeted at his sex.)

Why is it female characters only whose “happy” ending involve going back to their boyfriend’s house, complete with potential children? In a fantasy world, is it the best we can offer to these characters? Why does “making her own choice” usually involve them being unambitious and - I am barely caricaturing - happy housewives? Where are the female characters being greedy, powerful to the point of madness, and fascinatingly ruthless? Where are the genius, the good but scheming inventors and princesses? Where are the female Darklings and the female Nikolais?

Yes, it may not be Alina’s story and that’s alright. But reading the story she received, I could not help wondering: is it truly her story, or is it her story in a narrative unfair to women?

As for Lila... what Schwab stated confusingly in interviews or twitter threads cannot be used to analyse the text itself, though it may help. In this case, it holds a very different perspective from what she may affirm outside of it, so let’s keep close to what she wrote.

I disagree that it is a period piece. Her series is firmly set in a fantasy version of our world, with four alternate but equally real Londons, and with interactions between them that differentiate her England from ours. She chose to keep this England similar to ours, so the departure from it could be obvious; she chose, again, to have Lila threatened with rape by sailors even in Red London, her full invention. She chose, still, to never mention the miserable reality of lots of poor women like Lila in our England - namely, prostitution. She picked what suited her, as authors do, yet could not come up with any other plot than sexual assault. That she is a woman does not excuse her utter lack of imagination on that front! I find the notion that female characters are condemned to sexual threats depressing, on top of insulting towards authors who still strive to be creative.

And this is all ignoring what Schwab forced her other female characters to endure, which is sexual slavery, somewhat coerced pregnancies and social isolation, plus being sexist caricatures and butchered so men could be sad about it. In that context, what is Schwab exactly saying about women, if even her heroine is misogynistic and desperately trying to escape this reality? If Lila isn’t a woman - which she is in the text, she never denies being one, she only affirms being different, meaning a full human being! -, does that mean women’s place is in caricature and distress and death? If she is, then must they reject their womanhood and deride other women to be in the spotlight?

And this is all, again, ignoring that Schwab who, yes, admitted wanting to write a female character she wished to see in fiction, that resembled her... had Lila’s whole development derailed in favour of male characters. Lila’s ambition and excessiveness vanished in a third book dedicated to temptation! Lila’s anger and recklessness receded in front of Holland, all so we could learn about his sad backstory. Which involved, as salt to the wound, the stereotypes of a greedy girlfriend and the ever failing mother Schwab is so fond of.

Our post never suggested that women should not write non traditionally feminine women. Rather, that would be quite refreshing! I would love to read about these women that we hardly see.

Is it what Schwab wrote, though? Lila indeed crossdresses and appears androgynous enough to sometimes pass as a man (not always, in a manner that is most convenient to the author). Yet: she constantly mocks other women for being vapid, gossiping, feminine, in a word weak. Yet: Schwab has her, in the second book, attend a ball dressed femininely and feeling insecure about it, all to state she is - quoting! - “not most girls” and have Kell, her love interest, compliments her. She has the happy tomboy reaffirmed as able to be feminine and beautiful that way! How is that not depressing for every woman and girl who never want to be feminine? Why did Schwab choose to have her in a dress instead of a suit, like Lila would probably have preferred? Why did Schwab choose to strictly divide women and men into two categories, dress-wearing and not-dress-wearing? Why is Lila alone in her plight as an androgynous woman? Why didn’t this fantasy world have women and men dressed in a way they felt comfortable with?

This isn’t a period piece. Schwab was free to make that choice... and she did not. I would add, too, that women in real life have always struggled and fought against misogyny. They were women and they were still complex human beings and they still tried to live as comfortably as they could. Sometimes they failed, yes, because society wouldn’t want them to. But women like Lila have existed, and behaved like her, and dressed like her, and dreamed as big as her. Why should not we expect as much of fiction, then?

Sidenote: I am especially critical of that awful “tomboy turns into a lady” trope that fandom will seize it and run. It is disheartening to see countless edits and fanarts of Lila depicting her as feminine instead of androgynous as she was written, and often in feminine clothing at that. So if even the narrative later ends up confirming it...

*Or perhaps spiral down, willingfully blind. Alina’s story isn’t supposed to be a tragedy, however, so this does not apply here.

(If you don’t mind, I would like to hear why you found the post’s wording pretentious?)

#reply #shades of magic #the grisha trilogy #our posts #mod V

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shittyshakes · 5 years ago

Text

Shakespeare Commentary from Someone who has never read Shakespeare (Much Ado Version)

In which Mod Rachel just. Nerds out. Because Beatrice and Benedick deserve it.

Act 1

Scene 1

I can already tell that this shit is going to be over-dramatic as fuck, but I live for these kinds of romcoms

Beatrice is a WOMAN, like holy fuck she’s a whole mood

(yes, I’m thirsting on this feed and i’m not even sorry)

she either realllly likes this Benedick fellow or really despises him, but I’m going to go with the former

their banter is really funny though

i will state this reads like flirting? like this is just establishing all the sexual tension right?

I don’t know how I feel about Don Pedro’s character

What does Benedick have against love or is he just against Hero? Or is he just salty from his lack of love?

although to be fair Claudio did just see Hero and declare his undying love for her, that’s kind of ridiculous

“I’ll live as a bachelor”

those are famous last words, why you always lyin Benedick?

wait...

Benedick, as in bene-dick; is Benedick’s name a pun on dicks??????

I knew this play was wrought with sexual innuendos but holy crap

after confirming with Leo, I can confirm that we talked about this exact fact in lecture and I’m just a dumbass

For some reason all of Don Pedro’s plotting to set people up gives me bad vibes but maybe I’m just superstitious

Scene 2

gasp! An Antonio appears! Is he gay

side note, apparently this is the only Antonio in Shakespeare that is not and, won’t lie, I’m slightly disappointed

wait was all this scene just 2 dudes sitting around and talking about Hero? what was even the point?

Scene 3

Is Don John sad like Antonio was from The Merchant of Venice?

for some reason I think not

oh wait, maybe he has an inferiority complex to Don Pedro

okay, since this guys name is Borachio (which means drunkard in Spanish) can I infer that he is always drunk and/or is drunk in this scene?

maybe Don John is just salty, maybe that’s all his motivation is

Act 2

Scene 1

Hero speaks!

I’m interested to see if Hero is the “hero” of the play, implementing the pun

P.S. I’ve finished reading, she is not and I’ve never been more disappointed to be wrong. I was really rooting for her

In text (before watching any kind of staged edition) I imagine this to be like the dinner in Shrek 2, so I’m curious to see how people blocked this scene in film and stage

Does Beatrice really need a husband though? She’s doing fine on her own and we stan 1 strong independent woman

side note, sometimes I forget Hero is even in this play, she speaks so little

I am so confused, who is Margaret and where did they come from? Is she even that important or is she just here to move the plot?

are she and borachio a thing? wtf even was their exchange???

Same with Ursula?

I can’t believe they’re going to talk to Benedick like he’s not Benedick because of the mask

THE TROPES, THE TROPES

So wait, now Claudio is pretending to be Benedick? None of this is a good idea

So wait, now Claudio thinks that Don Pedro loves and wants Hero?

God, what a mess. This is more of a mess than I am

So, Benedick likes Beatrice then

he kind of reminds me of a young boy who can’t confess his feelings so he’s just awful to her (pulling pigtails)

I agree with Don Pedro that Benedick and Beatrice would make an excellent married couple; imagine the hate-sex

but also, Don Pedro has waaaaaaaayyyyy too much time on his hands

Scene 2

Is Don John being influenced by Borachio?

Is borachio the real mastermind?

better question, is borachio drunk right now?

Scene 3

oh Benedick definitely has the hots for Beatrice

oh my god he just wants her to confess first, what a dork

Claudio @ Benedick: oh how the turned tables rawr XD

I both love and hate how easily Benedick is buying into all this

They totally know Benedick is listening, those sly dogs

This is prime bad romcom right now

Act 3

Scene 1

Hero is back and with some lines

I hope she speaks more in this second half, I’m intrigued by her character

oh so even she is in on the “let’s trick Benedick and Beatrice into confessing”

I love this for her. I hope she is having the time of her life because it’s what she deserves

because tbh, no one here gives a frack about her and Claudio

Also I can NOT believe that these people say Benedick’s name with a straight face. They are basically complimenting his penis the entire play and I am here for it

I still can’t believe these dumbfucks bought it

Scene 2

ooh this is when Benedick changes appearances, he did it to woo Beatrice

i love that for him, i love that he is so soft for her

we stan 1 brotp between Benedick and his homies

Don John noooooooooooooooooooooooo

I’m really not here for Claudio x Hero but it is what it is

Scene 3

what the fuck kind of name is dogberry?

wait is this insinuating that he’s shit? or the shit?

a shitty bitch?????

so they’re just plotting

Scene 4

so much speaking from Hero

we live to see it

all things that begin with H --> ‘horny’ ;D

Scene 5

they’re talking about the wedding, right?

this is the part where i begin to get lost and wish for an adaptation to watch

so is dogberry going to crash the wedding?

Act 4

Scene 1

wait did Claudio just deny marriage? And they just continued on like nothing happened?

did he just insult Hero in front of her father?? what balls

oh he’s saying she’s unpure

oh my god this is a mess

i can’t believe that everyone just believes this? and now she’s not worthy to live? That’s cray-cray? like what is even happening

oh shit, is it happening????

oh shit it’s happening!!!

oh shit no

but as a side, please do kill claudio, he’s a dumbass who doesn’t deserve Hero

Scene 2

sexton, really?

i’m not really sure what the point of this scene was?

also what was all the talk about ass? do they mean like butts? or like a donkey?

i’m so confused ?????

Act 5

Scene 1

so they’re talking about the “death” of Hero

so they’re pulling a juliet? or is juliet pulling a hero?

I guess this isn’t important but I don’t actually know which was written first

yeah suck on that claudio, you piece of shit

AND DON PEDRO STILL BELIEVES THIS GARBAGE

absolute heresy I say

Benedick is the actual homie, the MVP

get Claudio’s head out of his ass

god, all men are bastards except benedick

yeah that’s right, I said it

Scene 2

I actually love Benedick, 10/10 great character

I wasn’t sure how I felt about him at first, but now we gucci

I’m glad they’re back to playful bantering.

I love that for them

Scene 3

so we’re at the “funeral” or just Claudio before the grave?

despite the fact that he’s the one that humiliated and betrayed Hero at the altar he’s still going to return every year? i’m so confused

Claudio isn’t a great character and I don’t like him

to be completely honest, I can’t even tell if he’s sad during this interaction

Scene 4

so Claudio was sincerely sad then?

Benedick’s asking permission to marry Beatrice? That’s so cute, he’s such a dork, an absolute Hufflepuff

we stan 1 respectful boi

and now we’re back with the denial and insecurity but at least we’re finally getting to the true confession

the tension was killing me

aw yeahhhhhhh, they finally kissed

I don’t know how I feel about Beatrice’s lack of lines following the kiss but it is what it is

and just remembering that during Shakespeare’s time this was all played by dudes makes me absolutely lose my shit

final rating: 7/10

Benedick and Beatrice were the highlights of this play and I can’t wait to see the adaptations to see people genuinely have fun playing these two characters

genuinely a really fun play and I wasn’t completely lost reading this so we count that as a win

minus points for claudio, i’m still salty that he and hero got married

#much ado about nothing #shakespeare #reaction #shakespeare commentary #my commentary #shittyshakesblog #benedick #beatrice #claudio #much ado #maan #rachel reacts to shakespeare #part 1

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marshmallowgoop · 6 years ago

Photo

I can’t think of anyone else who does this kind of year-in-review compilation for writing, but I put one together for 2017 and would like to continue to do so. It’s just nice to get a sense of what I’ve accomplished in 12 months, especially when I feel that I haven’t accomplished much of anything.

Unlike last year, though, I’m including all kinds of writing I’ve done this time around. My non-fiction work is important to me, too.

Mental health talk and text versions of these snippets under the cut.

To cut right to the chase, 2018 was rough. No matter all my flowery pep talks trying to be positive and uplifting, my feelings of inadequacy skyrocketed. I drenched myself in my own self-depreciating “humor,” and I ridiculed my hopes and dreams. Every time I felt my work was poorly received, I’d tell myself, “Well, what did you think would happen? That people would actually like what you do?”

But I never wanted to stop “keeping on.” I wanted to continue what I loved no matter what, and I threw myself into my writing. There would be days where I wouldn’t eat or do anything else until I’d finished an essay. I spent practically the entire month of November sleeping on my couch because I never wanted to “go to bed” until I had written more, posted more, done more. My head became filled with a constant mantra of, “You’ll never be enough.”

And I wanted to prove myself wrong. I wanted to be something—even if that something was just being happy with myself. But all the proclamations that I’m “getting better!” and “improving so much!” never did much for my confidence. What good is progress, after all, if I still feel like I’m nowhere?

Still, I tried to be productive about my failure. So I wasn’t satisfied with what I was doing. What could I do to be satisfied? I took different approaches to my content. I asked for advice, opinions. But that feeling of being nothing remained.

And yet, I’d always say things like, “I’m okay. I’m just frustrated.” Or, “I felt better after I binged some Netflix, haha.” I wanted to be helpful, inspiring. I wanted to tell people that it’s hard, but it gets better. I wanted to come off as the happy person I so wish to be, and I felt guilty every time I revealed any of my insecurities. Nobody wants to hear that stuff. Everyone suffers. I’m not special.

So maybe that’s why I feel it’s important to say now that I’m not okay. I’m hurting. I’m in pain. There are times I hate myself so much that I can think of nothing but how I’m ugly both inside and out, that I’m selfish, ungrateful, a total bitch.

And I want to be better! Of course I do. And I want to continue to work to be better.

But right now? I’m not okay. And running away from that fact and trying to hide it won’t help me or anyone else.

It was a rough year. I feel I made a total fool of myself more times than I would care to admit. But I also created a lot of art. I shared a lot of art with the world.

And you know what? I am proud of myself. I did impact people with what I did. I answered over 100 asks! I added more than 17 pages to my “replies” tag! I’m not nothing, and I need to stop treating myself like I am!

On to a better, healthier 2019!

Texts

January

Yes, DARLING goes way further than I’m comfortable with, but in doing so, and in doing so seriously, it tells the viewer in no indirect terms that the relationship between Hiro and Zero Two isn’t a joke. This ain’t another Ryuko and Senketsu, where all the blatantly suggestive themes between a human and a non-human are easily neglected and there’s the insistence that the relationship is akin to that of a child and their parental figure (yuck), because unlike Ryuko and Senketsu, there is 1,000% the sense that this series intends for its leads to be like that. There’s practically no other way around it. Just look at the title.

DARLING also doesn’t seem to be following in the footsteps of a run-of-the-mill monster movie, either, where a relationship between a human and a non-human is treated as something terrifying. There have only been two episodes so far, but I would say that there is something genuine in the relationship between Hiro and Zero Two already.

February

So, I don’t have a “bad” section this week. While DARLING might have tonal problems as a whole, as far as “Your Thorn, My Badge” is concerned, there’s little to complain about. The episode is serious, and it stays serious. For the first time ever, there’s a distinct lack of gratuitous fanservice, and other issues that plague the show are also wonderfully absent. No awful cockpit set-up can be seen here, abuse from a woman isn’t depicted as funny, quirky, and cute, and what’s unsettling is portrayed as unsettling.

March

Senketsu’s story—intentionally or not—has easy parallels to stories of marginalization and “otherness.” Like Akira Fudo of Devilman, Senketsu has the body of a “monster” but the heart of a human, and consequently, he can’t fit well in either world. No matter how silly Kill la Kill is, there’s something incredibly worthwhile in a narrative where someone who feels worthless and as though they don’t belong anywhere finds love and comes to understand that they matter. The fact that Senketsu’s story gets so neglected is beyond disappointing for exactly this reason.

But the erasure is also disappointing because Senketsu’s story is plain good. Throwing out everything I just wrote, isn’t it sweet, for a girl to decide that she cares more for a kind, compassionate person than what anyone thinks of her for being with him? Isn’t it heartwarming, that she would push herself to be as strong as she can be to return him to full health when he’s injured? Isn’t it worthy of praise, that there’s the depiction of a relationship built on communication and respect between the two, without either of them unhealthily idolizing the other even though they are both among each other’s first friends, and where they openly discuss their thoughts and feelings and concerns together? Isn’t this all something to be celebrated?

April

To make matters worse, the almost-final version of the script (as included in The Complete Script Book) doesn’t even include that tiny moment of Ryuko’s grief in the end at all! To quote:

街(数ケ月後)

可愛い服を着てマコとデートしている流子。ソフトクリームを買おうとショップによる。そこにもう一人の手が伸びる。買っているのは皐月。彼女も私服だ。驚く流子とマコ。はにかむ皐月。三人、笑いあう。その姿は屈託のない１０代の少女だった。

Incredibly rough translation:

City (a few months later)

Mako wears cute clothes on her date with Ryuko. The two go to buy soft-serve ice cream. Another person’s hand extends, and it’s revealed that Satsuki is buying the ice cream for them. She’s wearing normal clothes, and Ryuko and Mako are amazed. Satsuki is shy. The three laugh together. It is the image of carefree teenage girls.

May

Of course, as I’ve said before, I do think it’s important to talk seriously about media, because media is important. Media constantly impacts and influences us. #TheDiscourse definitely has a place.

But the goal of these kinds of discussions should be to improve. We should strive for better and more inclusive media. We should strive for better and more inclusive fandom. When #TheDiscourse instead becomes more about who’s the most morally superior and who’s the most garbage, it’s failing at this goal. Instead of being about bettering our art, #TheDiscourse seems to, more often than not, be about bullying other people under the guise of righteousness. And it’s utterly repugnant.

June

But what bothers me most about the argument isn’t really the argument itself. What irks me more than anything else is how this widely held belief emphasizes a disheartening trend: whenever something as popular as Kill la Kill comes along, there’s perhaps an eagerness to accept some of the most negative interpretations possible, almost as if there’s a desire for something awful.

And, sure. Maybe I’m just “reacting in shock and horror” to interpretations that are separate from my own. It’s not like there’s anything inherently wrong with a negative view of a work. It’s not like any of my more positive readings are “more correct.” I can’t claim to “get” a piece of art more than anyone else does.

But I can’t help it. I wish things were different. I wish negative interpretations weren’t seen as “more valid” simply because they’re negative. I wish more people weren’t afraid to disagree with popular negative interpretations for fear of sounding like they’re “reacting in shock and horror,” as though there’s really something so wrong about being passionate about art and finding a negative interpretation of art to actually be negative in itself. I wish for more nuance. I wish for more discussion.

July

I mean, just imagine this. You’re fighting a battle whose outcome will literally decide whether or not your entire planet explodes into a billion pieces in like two hours. It’s not only your life on the line. Everyone you care about have their lives on the line, too.

To make matters worse, it ain’t going well for your side. You’ve been rendered basically immobile by a cheap attack from these world-destroying baddies… and so have all your allies. Things are looking pretty grim, to say the least.

And then one of your big-name enemies goes and does it. She laughs at your efforts and taunts you and—get this—she says something that totally insults your OTP.

Now, a normal person would probably not be thinking about OTPs during a fight to save the Earth from turning into confetti.

A normal person is not Mako Mankanshoku.

August

But I find Grosz’s thesis compelling in regards to Kill la Kill because, in a lot of ways, Ryuko and Senketsu do rather embody typical positions of men and women in fictional stories both East and West… except, the roles are reversed. Ryuko is the unruly, aggressive, and hot-blooded protagonist just as a man often is, and Senketsu exhibits many traits that are traditionally associated with women; he’s sensitive, emotional, and a considerable worrywart. Further, while I find the term “love interest” both degrading and unfitting for Senketsu in a series that Word of God denies any romantic intention for, I have to admit that he fits many of the conventions. In an anime with a cast primarily composed of women, the fact that Senketsu is arguably coded as male makes him, just as the standard heteronormative “love interest,” the most narratively significant character of another gender in the show (for just a few other examples, see Ran from Detective Conan, Sam from Danny Phantom, Katara from Avatar: The Last Airbender, and Tuxedo Mask from Sailor Moon). Whether I’m watching an anime or an American cartoon, I don’t think I’d be too surprised to see a scenario like the one from the end of Kill la Kill’s thirteenth episode, where a man tells a woman that he’s afraid of losing control and needs her to be there for him so that he doesn’t.

September

The official website for Kill la Kill the Game: IF is now up.

As of this writing, the site details gameplay mechanics and other general information regarding the game. There are also short bios and new game-specific artwork provided for the four confirmed playable characters: Ryuko Matoi, Satsuki Kiryuin, Ira Gamagoori, and Uzu Sanageyama. The “Video” section features the trailer from Anime Expo 2018 and the original 30-second commercial (which now has English subtitles available).

The “Top” page also includes a link to the Arc System Works Event Portal Site, where any potential players can download a detailed Play Guide for the game. Additionally, the site provides a schedule for the upcoming showcase of Kill la Kill the Game: IF at Tokyo Game Show 2018:

October

She catches their reflection in the long mirrors that line the gym walls and asks how in the world it all works.

He does not know what she means.

She holds a hand to her hair. The strands are bright and red, leaping into the air like fire.

His voice is a low rumble. The sound fills her as though it is her own.

We are one now, he says. Your skin is my skin, and mine is yours.

The words remind her to once more return to herself.

But when she looks to the glass, she still sees him.

November

Gridman is also quite stunning from a directorial and visual standpoint. As I wrote up some notes for the premiere while waiting for my multiple-hours-delayed Greyhound bus (hey I can’t not recommend that service enough, but those of you who were in full-out cosplay at the station are so much stronger than me), I made sure to mention how much I enjoyed the focus on scenery and environments. A lot of anime will rely heavily on stale shot-reverse-shot conversations in which the characters hardly move, but Gridman mixes things up. When the characters talk, viewers get these wonderful glimpses of their world. Sometimes, you’ll hardly even see the characters at all! This choice feels so fresh and different, and I was particularly taken by how the opening moments of the show are just about entirely background shots.

Takeuchi mentions in the interviews that Gridman director Akira Amemiya is incredibly skilled at what he does, and everything in a cut—from objects to angles to facial expressions—all have meaning. I think I could definitely see that from episode 1, and it’s a real treat. That’s exactly what visual storytelling should be doing.

December

Jiro’s Mubyoshi is neat, but Ryuko’s? It’s sweet as all heck. No matter Houka’s complicated info dump about what she’s doing, the actual scene simply plays out like one of the purest expressions of love. There’s a reason that there’s nudity here, and it’s not for fanservice or titillation. It’s to signify the closeness of Ryuko and Senketsu in this moment—to say that, right here, the two of them are uniting as one.

And it’s beautiful. Intimate. Absolutely heartwarming. Ryuko openly shares a part of herself that even Senketsu hadn’t known before, and he adores it. He loves being with Ryuko so much. He loves her so much.

And Ryuko? Shy, closed-off, keeps-her-distance-even-from-her-family Ryuko? She’s completely unabashed. Senketsu has always paid attention to her pulse and breathing and so on and so forth, and she doesn’t even hesitate to reveal more. This is her sound, and she wants him to listen. She wants him to hear nothing else. She trusts him, fully and completely—and this trust is so breathtakingly powerful that Houka even unzips his hoodie in awe of it.

#just before 2018 ends over here!#goop makes a personal post #long post #ramblings #happy new year y'all!

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beingofthemountains · 3 years ago

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Tw; Domestic abuse, violence, trauma, transphobia

It's been a difficult time and I'm getting tired of it. I think I've been tired of it, in all truth. It feels like I've been saying that on a daily basis for the last three years. In October of 2017 I got engaged and he manipulated me into detransitioning. In 2018 he tried to seriously injure me in a drunken rage and I had to leave New Mexico and come back to Nebraska. I suffered from a miscarriage and he broke off our relationship less than a week later. I stayed in Nebraska, I had nowhere to go back home in New Mexico. A couple months later I got caught up in a whirlwind relationship that turned into two years of abuse and domestic violence. In February of 2020 I finally got up the courage to leave. Recovering from abuse is no easy task. Traumatized is absolutely an understatement. I always thought the trauma would be immediate but I didn't start really feeling the impact of what all I had been through until December of 2020. Everything fell apart. I fell apart.

I have tried time and time again to put myself back together but it seems like every single time I pick up a piece of myself, another piece breaks off. I think I've built walls so high that even I can't scale them. Everything seems like this eternal difficulty and I feel like there's no escape from it. I'm constantly banging on the walls, screaming to be let out. I wonder if that boy I was that moved to New Mexico in 2016 would be disappointed in me. I wonder if he would see me and feel disheartened. I'm non binary now, I'm happy in that. I'm satisfied with where I'm at in my identity. It's just all of the ache that's happened between identities that has me caught in this whirlwind. Will I ever be able to eat a meal without anxiety? Will I ever be able to see someone drinking and not immediately have the thought in the back of my mind that I'm in danger? Will I ever be able to be alone for more than a couple hours without feeling like I've been abandoned? My trauma and insecurities sometimes get the best of me, even when I fight as hard against them as I possibly can.

See, I don't feel like mental illness gets talked about enough from the perspective of the mentally ill. It's always those that are advocating for us rather than us advocating for ourselves. I deserve to be treated like a human being, even if I can't always function like one. I deserve as many opportunities as someone that doesn't suffer from mental illness. Some of us can't afford medication, we can't afford therapy, we can't afford to go to the nearest mental health facility and check ourselves in for treatment and a safe place. I know that I can't. With how bad my mental health has gotten I can barely work more than 20 hours without becoming motionless in my time off of work. If I work any less than 30 hours a week I can't even afford to pay my bills and that's all 30 hours a week does. Monday's really feel like Monday's. Friday's never feel like Friday's. There's never a decent time to go to sleep and there's never any real energy while awake. Sometimes it seems like I'm standing still in a world that is moving quickly beside me. Sometimes it feels like everyone is moving forward and I'm sinking in quick sand, watching everyone get farther and farther away.

I write myself affirmations. I save positive quotes in the hopes that one will trigger some kind of awakening that will kick me back into gear. I try to be optimistic and look forward to each day but it's hard to appreciate the future when your past has it's claws sunk so deep into you that there's no escape. Days like today make it feel like a future is impossible and there's nothing I can do to excel. My friends move ten steps forward, I move ten steps back.

After dealing with my old coworkers at the working warehouse I worked in spread rumors about me and refuse to stand near me because I "might have aids" and then coming to my new job only to be dead-named intentionally in front of coworkers and have people say "if it has tits then it's a bitch" I don't really know how to feel. Everything seems like this really intense uphill battle and I'm on the losing side. I'm blessed, however, to have a mom and dad that love me unconditionally. I'm blessed to have a best friend that supports me no matter what. I'm blessed to have a partner that loves me and lifts me up. I'm blessed with two dogs and a cat that only know that they love me and couldn't care any less about my identity. There are a handful of positives that square up with all of the negatives weighing me down and if it weren't for that small handful, I wouldn't be able to keep my head above water.

So today I will tell myself, "I am strong. I am loved. I am capable. My past will not prevent me from having a future. I will heal. I will grow. I am worthy of love and respect and I am learning how to love and respect myself."

a.m.

#mental illness #major depressive disorder #bipolar disorder #borderline personality disorder #obsessive compulsive disorder #anxiety #mania #mental health #lgbtqia #lgbt #trans #non binary

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beautifulweird0 · 4 years ago

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Forgiving Your Parents

I know too many people who’ve experienced some form of trauma from their parents. This isn’t a blog about bashing your folks- this is hopefully a post that will help salvage some strained parent and child relationships. Cause I been there, done that-and understanding your parent is only feasible if your parent is interested in understanding you. My disclaimer is this: The child isn’t responsible for mending the relationship...solely. I’mma tell you like this, if your parent doesn’t want anything to do with you...skip em’. Because that’s backwards as hell and that takes away from loving yourself. Anyway you chop it, if you find yourself forcing yourself on a “parent”, the relationship isn’t going to go anywhere-AND THAT’S NOT YOUR FAULT OR CONCERN. YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL! YOU ARE EXTREMELY WORTHY. I’m so sorry your people ain’t solid; it’s a reflection of them-not you.

Moving on.

I’ve always had such a strong feeling in my gut when I come across new people. It’s like they look at me and think I got it all. Truly looking at me and seeing a woman who doesn’t have insecurities or childhood traumas spotted along her path cause I’m kind and always make it a point to smile like Granny told me. I’m usually a private person. But its always been that ‘pull’ on me-telling me… “It’s another little girl that is going through the same stuff you went through. Say that shit anyway. And with your chest.” . Think about it... Can’t a soul embarrass you about some stuff you open about. That takes all the fun out of their miserable lives if folks know wassup already.

So as a 22 year old woman that been through some mess with her people, let me share pieces of me. Cause the last thing you want on your conscience is one of your parents passing and ya’ll not being on the best of terms. I was listening to Mad Bitches the other day and Mikhala Jene said something along the lines of, “Nobody living is perfect”.

That hit me a little different. Like damn...nobody walks this earth perfect so...why do we expect perfection (again, subconsciously).

THIS.

And shit, our people ain’t have everything at their fingertips as we do. The apps that spread information quicker than you could sneeze, weren't available. They couldn’t go on a ‘self-care’ page to calm themselves down if triggered or go on YouTube and watch motivational videos. Not making excuses, just using a little perspective that helps me! Yet and still, let your parent(s) know if they did something to wrong you; you gotta’ have respect for yourself as a human. Period. I didn’t find out who my biological father was until I was about 16 years old. Up until that point I believed another man was my father (which he is still and will always be!). Sooo...I already had abandonment issues from my parents and my dad lived in a way at that time, that all parties involved thought it was best my grandparents took us in. That’s all I know is Granny’s (& Grandpa’s) house since I was a baby. It helped that when my mom told me who my biological dad was, she was in a much better state of mind and stable-but man...I didn’t know what to feel. My sister was more upset than me (cause we have the same dad hypothetically). So many questions ran through my head that I couldn’t even cry or be mad. I was shocked. Everyone played their role so well…

There was a long road ahead of me. Not only did I have to forgive my mom and dad for lying to me for so long, but there was a father in the same city I had yet to know.

My first point is patience. If you aren’t going to be patient with an end goal for you and your parent, you’re wasting your time. Being prepared for them to fumble sometimes is mandatory if y’all going to get to a better place. You mess up on certain projects or what have you’s a few times before you get it right...right? Give your parent the same energy if you were in their shoes. Cause baby...ain’t nothing worse than admitting your wrongs and still getting beat down. I couldn’t bring myself to be mad at my mom in that moment where she was vulnerable and upset cause she knew she played a part in hurting me. What was it gone do but make me feel bad and her feel worse? Blowing up wasn’t going to change what happened now 22 years ago.Yeah, there’s hella’ books on parenting but I’mma tell y’all like my Granny told me, “There’s no such thing as a book on how to be a parent.”.

Having a child of my own- I’ve been witness to this. Folks can be shown and folks can be told on how to do certain things but with each child being different in this world, you have to be intune with them specifically- no book on that.I was through hell and back with my mother and now we’re in an extremely better place because we both made the effort (more-so on her part 🌚). But it was my responsibility to go into it with pure intentions and my guard down a bit after she made the effort; disappointment is what I expected sometimes cause I went into it knowing it was going to be a process.Don’t get it confused, my mom always knew how I was-that wasn’t the issue. The new end goal was getting to know each other again so I could understand her better so I could forgive her. That’s no sucka’ shit. Its real. Everybody in this life is going to disappoint you, one way or another. Better to know what you’re dealing with so you can assess the situation in order to better assess the person. Free game.

My father always tried too-the dad that I always knew as my dad. On weekends me and my sister would go to his house before he moved to Michigan. Man I was a daddies girl-still am. My grandparents had the house on lock, couldn't watch programs with cussing in it or too much violence. Life of having Southern Baptist grandparents I guess. The weekends at pops house was always interesting. I could watch all the music videos I wanted and watch the movies that didn't have too much goin on in them. My dad would do different stuff with us like go to the library; he always knew I loved reading. Sometimes my dad would take us to the park or a friends house who had kids (how I met my husband), water parks, or even cooking dinner with me and my sister; plenty of quality time where I could talk to him about anything. However, at the time, pops lived a certain lifestyle and no matter how hard he tried to shield it from us younger kids, I still seen things and experienced things a child shouldn't have. Again, comes with the lifestyle I guess. My dad drunk...ALOT. And it was interesting to see the 'upsides' of alchoholism and the very big downsides. I'd never forget, I was maybe 8? Another weekend at my dads, just me and my sister (I have multiple brothers on that side too plus another sister), and I woke up one morning on the couch. My dad was goin through some things- all he had was a couch that he let me and my little sister sleep on. My 1st thought when I woke up was where was my dad sleeping? My sister was sleep, and it was still fairly early in the morning. I go back to the empty bedroom to find him sleep on the floor. No pillow. No cover. Just a beer in hand, laid out. That broke my heart. Just remember feeling sad all over. I took the beer, threw it away then grabbed the pillow I had and laid it under his head. While doing so, my dad woke up, halfway and kissed my hand. He told me straight up he loves me and he apologized. Didn't go into detail but he didn't have to. My dad never had his pops in his life, nor his mama until he was grown and was taking care of her though her illness. I knew even at 8 years old that, that gotta hurt. I'm not gone sit here and act like I always understood the motives of my father but I tried because he always tried to understand me and til' this day, he is one of the top 3 people that KNOWS me like the back of his hand.

I had to forgive my parents because they’ve come a long way. Holding all that anger and resentment wasn’t gone help me in the long run. And in a way I can say I've helped to heal them by loving them through their screw ups. We always talk about a parents love but what about a child's love? I don’t want to pass down my pain to my son, he don’t need that- the world will give its fair share. But everyday I pray that the world won’t hurt him bad. I want my son to be nothing less than strong mentally, emotionally, but most of all spiritually. He won’t have that unless I’m solid. So I ask myself… ‘hm, what’s still hurting me?’.

We all got a story to tell.

Love. Peace. Manifest.

~Monet’

#parent #forgiveness #blackwomen #blackmen #trauma #love #hate #lessons #blackfamily #alcohol #blog #generationalcurses

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thecaffeinebookwarrior · 7 years ago

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How to Write a (Healthy) Relationship: An Illustrated Guide.

@trappedinfairytales asked:

Hi! Let me start by saying this blog is a god send for more than just writing skills, I even turned on your notifications 😂 Anyway, I apologize if you've already done a post like this, but I was wondering if you could do a post with different kinds of healthy relationships? I feel like it would help, because even though I am a bi girl, I've never been in a relationship so sometimes I don't know where to start 🙈

@magnificentcollectiverebel asked:

Bro bro I'm trying to write a cute lil romance do you have any tips please I didn't realize writing needs so much planning also thank you for all the tips on characters both of my love interests are girls the tips help

Excellent questions!

Now, there has been a request for me to make a post about LGBTQ characters, so I will talk more exclusively about queer relationships then; sufficed to say this post applies to all types of healthy relationships. Even though you could say I’m BI-ased on the matter. (I’ll see myself out.)

In the meantime, here are my personal rules of thumb for writing a ship-worthy romance.

1. Allow opposites to attract (but do it right!)

No, I’m not talking about two characters who have no common ground or core values; I’m talking about two characters whose traits compliment one another.

Maybe one’s analytical and the other’s impulse driven. Maybe one’s a happy ray of sunshine and the other’s a grump. Maybe one’s an idealist and the other’s a realist.

Do you see pattern here? Not only do these proposed pairings balance each other out, but their mutually beneficial to each other: an impulse-driven character will add spontaneity to the life of their analytical partner, while the analytical character will keep the impulsive one from leaping off cliffs; the happy ray of sunshine will brighten up the life of the grump, while the grump will keep the ray of sunshine aware of life’s problems; the realist will keep the idealist weighted in reality while the idealist will help them to get off the ground.

Moreover, as each of them has something the other lacks and needs, it creates a natural magnetism between them.

Just think of it like the old Greek myth, in which mankind was split in two by Zeus and each of them are searching for their other half to become their best selves.

In terms of writing romance, pretend your two characters are two halves of a greater whole, and allow them to complete each other.

2. Create chemistry and attraction (but remember that it does not immediately equal love.)

If I had to pinpoint the source of my frustration with the depictions of attraction in literature, particularly YA romantic novels, I would say it roughly narrows down to the fact that the attraction, as it’s depicted, is largely extremely vapid and hollow.

Two characters that hate each other are not going to have true chemistry or be compatible for a long-term relationship, even if one of them is equipped with excessive depictions of eye-color and can smirk like a champ.

To create true chemistry, the readers have to crave the characters’ interactions; they have to root for them to get together, not role their eyes when they finally do.

So how do you do this? Well, first and foremost, there are different and better ways to convey attraction than the tried and true “cerulean orbs” and obnoxious smirks and whatnot.

First and foremost, save strong, sensual language, like “she leaned in close, and I tasted her breath on mine,” “My heart thudded painfully in my chest as I felt her body press against mine,” et cetera for when your characters are actually in an intense situation. That way, your audience isn’t desensitized to it and are more likely to root for your characters when they finally shack up.

When your characters first meet, keep the language light and playful. Unless you’re doing a modern, queer reenactment of Romeo and Juliet (which sounds pretty awesome, honestly -- so long as the ending is happier) most people aren’t righting sonnets about people they first meet.

Let your POV character check out her prospective partner if you so desire, but press hold on the purple prose.

For instance, instead of something like this:

“Long lashes fluttered like the wings of the butterfly over peridot orbs, a faint gold dusting over the graceful slope of her nose. Red lips as ripe as strawberries glistened in the sun, and a waterfall of gilded hair fell over her slender shoulders.”

Try something more along the lines of this:

“She had striking green eyes framed with long lashes, a smattering of freckles over the bridge of her nose. Her hair was a thick mane of unkempt gold, and when she saw me, she smiled. Her lips were plump and strawberry pink.”

If you’ll notice, both passages convey basically the same thing (i.e. that this narrator finds her prospective gal-pal attractive): one is just significantly less pretentious than the other, and in my opinion, a lot more readable.

As the story continues, you’ll likely want to build up the tension as the character’s attraction to one another grows. Maybe your character starts to get butterflies in their stomach whenever their love interest is around, or there’s a tension-filled moment where their skin brushes together. Maybe they’ve found themselves constantly looking at one another’s lips and mouths.

Keep in mind while developing your characters’ chemistry into something greater that contrary to what most YA novels will teach you, attraction isn’t love. Finding one another’s meatsuits aesthetically pleasing isn’t reasonable merit for a long-term commitment. Love, generally speaking, is often just that: it’s a commitment. It takes time to cultivate, and it isn’t fun 100% of the time. But people stick with it anyway, because ideally, the payoff is worth it.

And that’s a good thing. As an author, you get to build up on your character’s relationship, challenge it, make it stronger. And that’s a lot of fucking fun. Plus, you get to write all the cute romantic shit in the times in between.

If you are implying love at first sight (which, sappy bitch I am, I’m a bit of a sucker for) feel free to imply as such, but I’m still inclined to think short, sweet descriptions work best: “Their eyes met, and for a moment, Ishmael could have sworn the earth had come to a stop while the world kept moving.” Or perhaps, “Luna looked at Misery for the first time, and knew right away this was the woman she was going to marry.”

Now keep moving. Too strong language too fast weighs your story down, keeps the reader from relating to it, and detracts from the satisfaction of when your characters finally end up together.

3. Let your characters’ relationship be built on friendship.

The other day, I got lunch with my best friend and her new girlfriend. A year or so ago, she’d gotten out of a really toxic relationship that she’d been in since I’d first known her.

I’d thought she was happy (because at the time, I didn’t have anything else to compare it to) but seeing her with her new girl was like seeing the proverbial sunrise for the first time. (Pardon the floral language. Even I’m not totally exempt from purple prose.)

We laughed, we made jokes, we all checked out the hot waitress together. Overall, it was just like spending time with two close friends -- just, y’know. They happened to be in a romantic relationship with each other. And that, let me tell you, makes all the difference in the world.

I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again: all the sexual attraction in the world will not make up for the lack of a strong basis of mutual respect, affection, and camaraderie.

Sorry to burst your bubble, authors of the mainstream publishing world: even if they kiss in the rain till the cows come home, even if the music swells every time they make contact, even if it’s a love story for the ages, that means your characters actually have to be friends.

So ask yourself these questions:

Do your characters have any shared interests or hobbies?

Do they actively take interest in their partners’ hobbies?

Do they crack each other up, tell each other jokes? Exchange playful jibes that aren’t pointed or hurtful?

Do they do the above more than they fight and bicker?

Would both your characters feel comfortable with their partner seeing them at their most comfortable (e.g. stuffing their faces with Nutella and watching bad reality shows)?

If so, would they join in?

If one partner feels hurt, neglected, or insecure, will the other partner take notice and attempt to comfort and reassure them?

Can they confide in each other?

Do they share the same goals, desires, and core values?

If you answered ‘yes’ to most of these questions, congratulations: your characters’ romance is more akin to Gomez and Morticia than most YA pairings today. And believe me, that’s a good thing.

4. Make sure your characters are more or less equals.

She’s a ridiculously hot, intelligent, accomplished twenty-something. He’s a an out-of-shape manchild in his thirties who makes lots of fart jokes and probably has a neck-beard.

This pairing probably would raise quite a few eyebrows in real life, but it happens so much in movies and TV (particularly comedies) that no one even questions it. Do I really need to remind you that the entertainment industry is largely male dominated?

This doesn’t always equate to characters being equal in conventional attractiveness: movies such as Legally Blond and Hairspray, for example, both have adorable pairings featuring lovely plus-sized/chubby women and thinner, more conventionally attractive men. Tucker and Dale vs. Evil consisted of a satisfying romance between a chubby, kindhearted hillbilly and a thin, conventionally hot girl. Moreover, they don’t leave anything resembling the bad taste in my mouth that the aforementioned Manchild + Hot Girl trope does.

But your characters will need to be more-or-less equals in terms of positive attributes. Even if they differ significantly in conventional attractiveness or status, they’ll probably roughly even in out in terms of intelligence, good manners, kindness, conscientiousness, et cetera.

It’s also best to avoid blaring power imbalances when writing healthy romances. I’m inclined to avoid huge age differences (though there are instances where it can be healthy), and definitely avoid huge age differences where one of the characters is underage.

Basically, if your pairing looks like they could belong in a Woody Allen movie, no dice. (If you think I’m kidding, just look at his fifty-six-year-old self with a nineteen-year-old love interest in Husbands and Wives.)

Differences in wealth and status are also generally be okay, but be conscientious that they can easily become abusive if one person misuses their power (lookin’ at you, 50 Shades.)

Last, and certainly not least, your characters will almost definitely need to be equals in terms of three-dimensionality. No exceptions.

Which brings me to my final point:

5. Give your love interest purpose (outside of being a love interest.)

I’ve talked about this before, but why do you think there’s such a huge following for Kirk and Spock’s romance (besides that one episode where Spock gets super horny and the two of them role around in the sand for twenty minutes), when there are droves of female love interests for both?

Why are Dean and Castiel AO3′s most popular pairing (besides the recurring prevalence of romantic tropes throughout their narrative), when the following for their more canonically established relationships are practically nonexistent?

What about Holmes and Watson (besides the blaring case of queerbaiting in the BBC version, and the fact that Doyle’s Sherlock was rife with gay subtext), or Steve Rogers and Bucky and Barnes (besides the fact that the writers somehow find the possibility of making Steve a Nazi less offensive than having him love a man)?

Internalized misogyny and fetishization of MLM by straight women is sometimes a factor. But considering the popularity of these M/M pairings amongst queer women, I’m inclined to think its simply because these male main characters are simply the most interestingly written in their respective franchises.

It also works the other way: why do you think everyone hates Kara and Mon El’s romance so much? Because Kara is a wonderfully developed, benevolent character (surrounded with equally developed, benevolent characters who would work much better as love interests, I might add) and Mon El is a callous, entitled jerk who only wants to become a hero to woo his prospective girlfriend.

This is also why heterosexual pairings with equally well-developed characters have no problem at all finding followings. Just look at Han and Leia, Mulder and Scully, Booth and Bones, Monica and Chandler -- both characters hold roughly an equal amount of weight in the narrative, so we give a fuck what happens to both of them.

Healthy, well-balanced WLW romances with happy endings are difficult to find in media, but some of my favorite examples of ship-worthy pairings that fit this criteria are Korra and Asami from Legend of Korra, Willow and Kennedy from Buffy (even though I’ll never forgive them for what they did to Tara), Carol and Susan from Friends, and Alana and Margot from Hannibal.

And of course, there’s these lovely ladies from Sense 8.

Bottom line is, make sure both your characters are important; don’t follow the trend of meaningless, forced heterosexual romances in media in which one party could almost invariably be replaced with a sexy lamp or a dildo.

Make the love interest a hero in their own right, and the audience will root for them.

Best of luck, and happy writing! <3

#writing #writing tips #romantic subplots #romance #san junipero #black mirror #parks and recreation #andy and april #carol #destiel #dean winchester #castiel #supernatural #the addams family #gomez and morticia #sense8

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chckpeas · 6 years ago

Text

Entry 4. Les fruit défendus sont les meilleurs.

Posted and finished writing this on the 13th of January, 2019. Isn’t it fucking typical that I happen to like someone who has commitment issues or whatever. Oh, and happens to be nine years older which is wrong in so many ways. It’s funny how if I stayed in one place a little longer or did one thing differently, I probably would have never encountered you -- which may have been for the best. I’ve had a lot of doubts posting this entry but I decided to say fuck it and just do it. This will be my last ‘exposé’/post about someone for now, so no worries other people that happen to know me, I won’t post about y’all -- I mean unless you do some rly fucked up shit to me.

So, when I met you I was at a party and I had lost my friend group so I decided to stand on this plateau on the dance floor. As soon as I arrived at the group I noticed this tall guy staring at me for quite some time. I tried to like put out my best moves on the dancefloor as I saw you approach me haha. My friend tried to like push you away as you grabbed hold of me to talk to me. I remember what your fuckboy ass said to me, that I was ‘one of the most beautiful girls in this room’. Yea right, I scoffed as it’s complete bullshit and super cringe-worthy.

Anyways, you offered to buy me a drink and I can’t say no to that of course -- it’s a rule of mine, I never buy actual drinks when I go out. We talked and then I dragged your stiff german ass on the dancefloor and decided to make out with you. Uhm, this part was probably very awkward for bystanders as you pushed me against a pole and started to like kiss my neck and shit. We ended up going somewhere more quiet and you continued turning me tf on, you knew it as you are pretty experienced.

However, I was so not gonna go home with you, for several reasons. Reason number one being, I was gonna go to experience number 2 -- remember him. Reason number two being, I had to wake up early. And reason number three being, I don’t like the concept of one night stands. I gave you my number -- haha #carmenORGIE -- and you promised that you would cook for me sometime and give me a massage. Subtly is not something you have well under control.

Well, I followed through on that decision a few days later cuz yea I thought you were hot. What I did fail to mention that at this point in time I wasn’t very experienced or in other words, I was a half-virgin -- how can I be a half-virgin, mmh a story for another time. I do think virginity in itself is bullshit and it’s not a big deal at all, also just because someone is a virgin doesn’t mean that they haven’t done a lot of sexual things. Anyways, I guess for someones ‘first time’ this couldn’t have been any better. The whole setting and evening was pretty much perfect -- you even had candles lit lmfao -- so I guess I’m in a way glad that it was with you. Uhm yea I can’t really remember any details lmao, too many experiences with you that I’m starting mix up. Oeff, I lowkey hate you though for setting my standards for in the future so high, you’re a good ‘lover’ -- but I 100% know that you know that already. A note to the reader: in this point in time I definitely didn’t like him, so no crazy virgin-falling-in-love-with-guy-who-basically-kinda-took-her-virginity-syndrome going on here, I think.

Maybe I like you because of how wrong it is and it’s the elements of taboo and infatuation drawing me in. Or maybe I like you because I know that us actually being a thing is damn near impossible. To be honest, I think it’s also because deep down I don’t believe that I deserve actual love.

When you suggested that you would ‘put me on hold’ until February because you met someone else it really put me to thinking. First of all, I am a dumb bitch. I should’ve spoken up a lot sooner and told you how I truly felt. The funny thing was that I was gonna do that ‘next time’ --doesn’t seem like there will be one -- and things would be a lot different. I’m also dumb because I promised myself I wouldn’t catch feelings but then simultaneously allowed you to be super affectionate towards me and allowed each other to share deep shit, it’s so stupid.

I guess that my first heart crack -- yes, crack because I wasn't that into you that I can call it a break -- made me realise that I should stop expecting anything from people cuz it has been shown that 10/10 times I’m left disappointed because of expectations. All I need is to regain my self-respect and start loving myself. I can’t expect people to respect me when I don’t demand any respect and allow them to walk all over me and act like everything is okay when they do so. Also, I need to start becoming more vocal and direct about things like I used to be.

In hindsight, I both regret ever meeting you but also not. I learned a lot from my time with you and I do think that ‘relationships’ -- regardless of the kind -- are there for you to grow from. Sadly enough, you impaired my growth a lot as you are high-key a shithead because what you did left me quite insecure and I don’t think someone has ever disrespected me that much as you did -- which I totally didn’t expect from you.

Okay I’m super done talking/writing about you. I hope that writing this point allows me to get the peace that I deserve. And who knows, if I’m mentally in a better place, I might see you again in February -- cuz shit I’ve never been so fucking attracted (physically) to anyone before. Moreover, this post probably contained some details that a normal person wouldn’t share but like I need to let it all out so I can feel some sort of relief so don’t judge too hard lol.....

If you happen to be the person this post is about -- although, I highly doubt that you would read this -- know that I still mean the things I said through text and that this post was written from a point of self-reflection.

#journalentriesbyblckquality

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kane-and-griffin · 8 years ago

Note

Kabby mom, I don't know what to do. I just found out someone I thought was a friend has been talking trash and saying horrible things about me and some other friends on a private account. I feel so hurt and betrayed that they pretended to be my friend and then did those. What do I do?

COME HERE, BABIES, MOM’S GOT YOU

It’s unusual enough for me to get two such similar anons in a 24-hour periodthat I decided to take them both together, since it seems like you’re very muchin the same boat. Maybe you both gothurt by the same person; you might even know each other and not have realizedanother one of your friends was hurting too. Maybe you’re total strangerswho both just had a very very similar bad day. I am sending you both somuch love right now.

It is devastating when you learn that someone you trusted wasn’t worthy ofthat trust. I’m thirty-five and I’ve gone through this recently too -this isn’t something we age out of, unfortunately; this isn’t something thatstops when you’re an adult - and there is no worse feeling. It makes yougo back through every interaction you ever had and wonder if any of it wasreal. Was I being played? Am I stupid? Do they think I’mstupid? Did they think I wouldn’t find out? Did everyone else knowbut me? Did they mean any of those kind things or was the wholerelationship a complete fabrication? It’s terrible. It just is. There is no way around it. Youlet your guard down, and someone took advantage of that. You told yourself someone was safe, and theyweren’t. Everything you’re feeling isvalid and right and real.

You both asked me what you should do, and the most important thing I cantell you is that right now you need to take shelter with your ride-or-die friends. The ones who make you feel absolutely andunquestionably safe. The ones you knowmean what they say. Let them wrap theirarms around you and remind you that there are people you trust who are worthyof that trust. Do not, do not, do notlet this dishonest friend’s terrible behavior erode your ability to trust thepeople who are worth trusting. Do notshut down because of this. When you letyourself be vulnerable, the risk of getting hurt is the cost of doingbusiness. It’s still better than thealternative of never being vulnerable at all. Please do not let the assholes win.

I’m feeling a lot of feels about both of these asks because it’s pinging alot of really painful similar memories from my life, where I’ve been on bothsides of this exact situation. I cantell you right now, there are no winners. What your friend did was unquestionably shitty, but I actually have a lot ofcompassion for them too. This kind oftwo-faced behavior is a pretty textbook case of insecurity, though I suspect ifyour friend heard that they would deny it. That level of self-loathing runs pretty fucking deep. I know this from personal experience, becauseI used to be that asshole too. I would absolutely have denied that it came from insecurity. So thepainful reality is that even if you call them out on their behavior, they maynot be ready to stop.

I was a lonely, introverted, self-isolating kid who grew up in the 80′s and90′s before the cultural legitimizing of geekdom or the invention ofeasily-accessible fandom communities. Igrew up back when the other kids would mock you until you cried for coming toschool on Halloween dressed as Counselor Troi, or for reading fantasy novels onthe bench during recess instead of playing kickball. I didn’t feel safeanywhere that wasn’t in my own house, and I hated school. And when you’rethat miserable, that lonely, that desperate to fit in, you develop survivalmechanisms. I learned that being theperson who always had the juicy gossip and was willing to dish, and being meanin a way that made people laugh, let me navigate among all the groups ofbullies and mean girls in relative safety. It’s like camouflage in theanimal kingdom; look just enough like one of them that they leave you alone, sothey know you aren’t prey. Maybe you won’t fit in, but at the very leastthey won’t attack you.

So I was kind of an asshole. Whichmeans sometimes I got caught being an asshole. Every once in awhile I could maneuver my way out of it by lying, but notalways. Sometimes I had to look someone in the eye who was crying becausethey’d heard me shit-talk them when I didn’t know they were listening, and Ihated myself for it.

It would be really nice if the next sentence was “So then I realized mybehavior was hurtful, and I stopped,” but that is not always how it works. I wasn’t shit-talking my roommate behind herback because I hated my roommate so much; I was shit-talking my roommate behindher back because it made my other, more popular friend laugh and then for a minute I feltcool. Just knowing I’d hurt my roommatedidn’t fix the bigger problem, which was why it was so fucking important to feel “cool” in the first place. I wouldn’t have felt like Ihad to be a hundred different people depending on who I was talking to if I hadrealized then what I know now, which is that I am only one person and that one person is enough. That one person is worthy of love andbelonging. I had to learn that I’m surroundedby people who love me, respect me, value my talents, and believe in my intrinsicworth without me having to win my place in the social hierarchy by beingtwo-faced and mean.

In terms of the social media angle specifically, a lot of people whose social media is tied to their public identity do needa space that is restricted for only their most trusted friends - whether it’sto hide politics posts from your conservative family, let your freak flag flywhen sharing smut fic, or yell about your coworkers when you’ve had a badday. So the mere existence of a second, secret/locked account isn’tinherently a friendship dealbreaker. Thequestion is: is its sole purpose to bitch about people they treat like friendsin public? Because if so, then sure theyhave a right to have it, but you also have a right to exit this relationshipbecause of it. Freedom of expression does notexempt you from the consequences of people finding out you’re a terriblefriend.

So. What do you do? Where do you go from here? This is where it gets sticky. Is this a close personal friend, classmate,someone you know well? Is it a relationship you want to preserve if youcan? Do you think this person has the heart and the humility to listen toan honest accounting of how hurtful their behavior is and maybe learn somethingand change, or do you think they’d just, like, screencap your DM and post it ontheir secret tumblr? Is vulnerability and openness more potentiallyhelpful here, or potentially dangerous? You both know your friends betterthan I do, and more importantly, you know in your gut the most importantquestion here, which is - do you want to preserve this friendship, ornot?

Some people are desperate to be seen, to feel important, to be the center ofsomething, to feel “in” with the cool kids, because secretly they’re afraidthat they will never actually belong on their own merits, and their petty ormalicious behavior is driven by fear.

Other people are just assholes who are not worth your time. You deserve better.

For now, take shelter with your bestest, safest,lovingest, most supportive BFF squad and let them remind you that the world isfull of good and true and honest people who always mean what they say when theylook you in the eye.

Stay strong, babies. Mom lovesyou.

#Anonymous #From the Inbox #kabby mom's advice corner #personal post #kabby mom gets anons

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kamalkizehr · 8 years ago

Conversation

Thoughts i wanted to unload xp

I understand the view points of many of those in america at the moment republicans and liberal alike but how is having trump any way helpful and is an actual ban on people from different countries or a wall between one neighbour actually that helpful i mean illegal immigrants arent good but a fucking ban a wall loud public statements That are controversial questionable can be taken offensively (dude come on if shoe was on the other foot a lot of republicans would have been offended and go on a gaint Facebook comment section war

Again )

But another question why has the rise of triggerers risen like

There are more republicans who would post or say something offensive just to plain see people react and act like a troll rather than defend their stance on the politcal matters

Which in my opinion the clashes wouldn't have happened if more people (democrats ) went forward with ideas and stances after making sure everyone was on the same page though because frankly if they did i think not everyone would be having so many disagreements

Sure its not offensive, illegal or bad for a guy to wear make up many men have been employed in cosmetics for years eventually they we're gonna wanna show off the skills on themselves for once instead of models or maybe a lot of people are coming out have every right to and but why not try and keep it pg or at least understand not every parent wants their children exposed to something thats hard to explain for a certain amount of time and later when the child is mature or adult enough to understand the topic give more info and allow that freedom so he or she can decide for them selves but at the appropriate age because frankly does anyone else not find 12 year old bisexuals weird

Dude come on this stuff needs a limit everything needs a limit and more education thats key but get on the same page and teach kids math and let them graduate at least before he or she decides to become a weed addicted demi sexual pan romantic traveling artist in Nebraska i mean like

YOU DONT NEED THAT SHIT TO BE SPECIAL

NOR TO BE AN ARTIST

OR ANOTHER SEXUALITY

AND IT DOENST MAKE YOU SUPERIOR OVER ANYONE NOR DOES TRYING TO BECOME A MINORITY

THE MINORITIES WILL ALWAYS NEED TO BE IMPORTANT SO THAT THINGS REMAIN FAIR

BUT MENTAL, PHYSICAL DEASES NEW SEXUALITIES AND GENDER IDENTITIES GIANT ARGUMENTS OVER WHOS WORSE WHOS BETTER AND WHY PEOPLE OF A RELIGION OR A RACE OR CAST SHOULD OR SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED IN A COUNTRY

for one sorry i was shouting but like

I am gonna bring up the stupid over used facts all Americans are immigrants and that not all of them had great lives back in europe which is why they moved isn't there hypocrisy in saying middle eastern people don't get to do that

But again some should stay but why not give elderly, parents and children a pass sure europe has many other options aswell but is it so awful some people choose America fine if its a ban And no dont we dont want more immigrants

Fine just be nice to the ones you have than frankly is that so hard

And dont start Ohhh but feminism is just bitchs wanting to be better

It isnt like that man i mean like moms should get maternal leave

And dads should have time off too to help out

If a woman hits a man or falsely accuses him of abuse or rape should get punished obviously but for God's sake if there weren't so many perverted idiots and guys who think its ok to just go invading a woman's personal space isn't cool and the fear of it is something that is a main reason that's basically help create the giant following

Is it unfair and used extremistly at times ofcourse everything and anything will be misused this is humanity we're talking about not saints or prophets those A**holes left a while ago

(Getting to religion)

But is it so bad to be a feminist really man

Come on for gods sake it isnt its just wrong when it turns biased and in the favour of the other gender which is basically just sexism not feminism

(Can we please agree on the fact there might be a fucking difference!)

And true western countries dont need it as much as middle eastern or south Asian African or south American even might need it but feminism isnt a bad thing (PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE IT NEVER STARTED AS A BAD THING IT WAS FAIR THEN AND THOSE WOMEN STARTED IT OUT OF JUSTIFIED REASONS AND IT DID BENEFIT BOTH GENDERS LOOK IT UP DO SOME RESEARCH MALE RAPE CASES WERE FINALLY OPEN BY THE FBI THANKS TO THE MOVEMENT IN THE 60'S ITS A THING THAT CAN BE BOTH GOOD AND BAD JUST LIKE REPUBLICAN IDEALS OR LIBERAL AND NEITHER STARTED AS BAD THINGS! )

As well for religion why must everyone use the term not all Muslims are terrorist but all terrorists are Muslims like the liberals have points for that thatsoffensive man seriously AND THAT IS SO NOT HELPFUL AT ALL MAN LIKE

I swear the amount of adults ive seen and met who think their religion is being destroyed and their customs as well because their children have become internet addicted assholes (like myself inculded ) who want to disrespect them their Morals and values and become foreigners and American ofcourse because theyre so cool blah blah blah

(Personally fuck it i kinda like being Pakistani but i do enjoy the internet ) which for some reason has become a the main reason why I get lectured more than i think i really need man i mean my language can turn vulgar and i can be socially a little awkward if uncomfortable but like why is me liking rock music and youtube and having a accent a reason to assume i would rather be American i do love my home and where i am from i am proud of my family and where we come from but why enjoy every thing else in the world aswell and not be considered a traitor or something

(Ok too personal )

Alright maybe what i am trying to get is how come no one can just elect a decent a leader or agree to disagree about things but still respect each other stay open minded but have your morals close by and principles uncompromised biasness is human but why no agree to disagree and leave it at that

The insecurity increasing and old facade of wanting to be rich and famous and not work for it has come back

Help me on patrion, like my video post photo blah blah blah dude just get a job why is it so necessary to work in entertainment for hells sake

I mean its valid you wanna sure go ahead maybe you are worthy but like stolen content and fake stories and new sexualities for gods sake please

(No longer about politics i suppose )

Here's my mind on it i guess

LGBTQA community has every right a straight white male or female would have no more no less but gender and sexuality identification maybe kept a simple (memorable and easier to define on fine paper and print during adoptions divorce marriage leavint the country or not etc ) and that being hetreo, homo, bi, A and pan because that makes sense

Its simple

And works

And as well for gender identification

On fine paper

if you are Male to female m to f

Female to male f to m

Something less explainable just keep it trans

Because frankly leave it at that why not just like why not?

Its simple makes sense justified fair and but isnt over done for some petty individuals looking for attention to take advantage of (ofcourse no guarantees but why not just keep some faith ? )

And no one gets to chose all on paper until after 18 because thats fucking fair

(Come on its not like its illegal to come out say it in public )

And yes none of that would be applied in most countries especially not mine but it would be a good start in my opinion

Any way i think i am done venting my thoughts anyone who is annoyed can ignore (why did you read this much of it and not justgo three lines and decide nah boring lets bail )

Anyone who has an opinion or would just like to talk is welcomed BUT CAN WE PLEASE KEEP THIS CIVIL I MEAN NO DISRESPECT TO ANYONE OR ANYTHING BY THESE STATEMENTS

i was just venting some thoughts

And not trying to force them on anyone or anything but i just wanted this out of my head and see if others agree or not (no not for the purpose to be right or wrong ) but because i can't be the only one who thinks all the political maddness right now was all avoidable and that people are becoming

Weirder

Not in a good sense

Not because of religion race or anything like that just like

Mind sets

I feel like its like the key to harmony and at least balance or peace is right there no one wants to take it

I am probably going to regret posting this but i am gonna anyway not like people actual read my blog or anything

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