#all my friends at home are what you’d describe as people who consume the internet ‘Normally’

[te1epathy]

idk man i could never be close friends with someone who isn’t at least midway of what you describe as chronically online

[pedros-mustache-main]

when your love reaches me (iii)

summary: 1978 is decidedly not 2020. nor is your life ever the same when you meet a guitarist, curly haired, soft spoken, and true.

word count: 7.5k

warnings: angst, language, yearning for a man in his 70s (c’est la vie, i guess), over-describing a moment i’m very passionate about (sorry, not sorry! ten points to the person who can tell me what moment it is LOL)

a/n: wow—this gif? yeah, match made in heaven. thank you all so much for indulging me in this mini-series. i really am very proud of this silly little thing & i’m sad that it’s over because i enjoyed writing it so much. thank you to @im-an-adult-ish​ & @deacyblues​ for helping me work out the rough spots in this one. would love to hear everyone’s thoughts because i’m very ~emotional~ about this mini-series!! xoxo.

part i, part ii

in this final chapter: you must adjust because it’s not in your cards to be with him, is it?

you run your hands down your face, feel the ring on your finger catch along the end of your nose, and sigh. two months—two months without him. two months to adjust to world you once knew but happily left behind. two months to gather the pieces of the life which cruelly slipped through your fingers like water. 

each day is the same. you rise early and take your coffee on the postage stamp terrace outside your flat. you watch the sun climb higher in the sky with each passing moment and let the warmth of your drink soothe the ache in your soul. you wash your breakfast dishes, mumble a good morning to rachel when she exits her bedroom to make her way to the shower, and dress for the day. you walk to campus if you have a class or take the underground to the museum if you have a shift. you come home, eat dinner, go to bed. repeat.

if rachel notices a change in you, she doesn’t say anything. in her mind, no time has passed between the morning where she asked you to come to the pub and the same evening you tumbled into the flat, drenched and sobbing. 

but you—you’ve lost a year of your life. there’s no getting it back, and the only thing that proves it really truly happened is the ring on your middle finger, the necklace hanging by your heart, and the undeveloped rolls of film in your bedside table.

there are few words to describe the unbearable pain in your chest. anything and everything reminds you of brian: the whisper of the breeze in the autumn-heavy trees; the feeling of your warmest cardigan around your shoulders; the sound of someone laughing in the museum.

but there’s more:

the scent of cigarette smoke reminds you of roger. the sight of two friends ribbing one another in a grocery store reminds you of crystal. a colorful jacket makes you think of freddie, a whispered snide remark takes you back to john, and two girls giggling reminds you of giddy moments with anna.

around every corner you turn there’s a memory you cannot avoid, and it hurts—desperately, keenly, deeply.

so you push it all away and soldier on, quiet and downtrodden. it’s easier that way. maybe, if you forget, you can move on and make it through life without him.

six months after you’ve left brian behind, you’re approached by your boss at the museum with an opportunity you’d only ever dreamed of: the chance to create and prepare your own exhibit. 

monica is firm when she offers you the south wing to reshape as your own. “blow this out of the water, [y/n], and there will be a job as assistant curator waiting for you after graduation. i want something fresh and exciting. think you can manage?”

you agree without hesitation.

for the first time in a long time, you can’t help but smile to yourself. this is your chance to put everything you’ve learned to good use, to put something tangible in your portfolio, to make a name for yourself. 

you’re buzzing with excitement and have to practically hold rachel hostage as you spout your myriad of thoughts and ideas. she’s your sounding board, even if she doesn’t want to be, but she’s honest where it counts most, and you’re grateful for that.

she glances over the kitchen table, laden with open magazines, cutout photos, and history books. her brow puckers. “this is... really boring, [y/n],” she says with a cringe, looking up with her blue eyes and freckled face.

your shoulder droop. “that’s it? that’s all you have to say?”

she shrugs and reaches for a photo, inspecting it with a critical gaze. “i mean, ancient textiles might be interesting to you and maybe five other people, but it isn’t exactly blowing me out of the water.”

dropping to the seat across the table, you huff. “well, we’re a photography museum, rachel. it’s not like i can whip up a few outfits and put them on mannequins.”

“excuse me, but fashion design is just as artistic as curating a museum—if not more so.” she sighs and puts the photo of a thirteenth century chinese table linen on the table. “there must be something else you’re interested in? something that other people will like just as much?”

you don’t mean to, but you let your eyes trail to the camera sitting on on the tv stand. you’d left it there after your return, uncertain where to put it. sometimes you catch a glimpse of it out of the corner of your eye and then you remember the tubes of film in your bedroom, undeveloped and unseen. 

rachel follows your gaze. “you know, you never told me where you got that.”

“it was a gift.”

“oh really? from who?”

you’re slow to answer. the truth sits on the tip of your tongue—the man i love, the man i was going to marry—but you bite it back. “my great-aunt. she left it to me... in her will.”

you aren’t sure what compels you to retrieve the six rolls of film from your bedroom, but you do. the tubes feel heavy in your palm and clang against the table as you put them down. rachel looks at them then back at you, waiting.

“she gave me these, too.”

“i didn’t know you had a great-aunt.”

“we weren’t close.”

“obviously you were close enough to get these things.” rachel lifts one of the tubes, turning it over in her palm. “wonder what the pictures are.”

“i’m not sure,” you lie. “maybe they could make an exhibit.”

“i think you’d have to develop them first then make that decision.” she rises from the table and shrugs on her coat. “i’ve got a date, so don’t wait up. and try not to let this consume you too much? you’ve been down and out lately. i think the work will do you good, but don’t let it take over, yeah?”

you nod and wish her well on her date. she leaves the flat in a flourish, leaves you to the tubes of film and the growing curiosity in your stomach.

you really should get them developed. if not for an exhibit, then for yourself. an entire year of your life is in those tubes, and you deserve to see the photos you’d taken to preserve that time.

it’s been six months. you’ve purposefully distanced yourself from anything and everything related to queen, be it a simple news story, a song on the radio, or any of roger or brian’s social media posts. it hurts to see them, to know that they’re so close yet so far away, that they have no idea what became of you all those years ago in japan.

still, it’s been six months. developing the film might be your first step toward a sense of closure. you don’t want to stay in your rut forever. though you’re comfortable with the idea that brian might be your great love and you’ll never find another, you know you can’t stay as you are, sullen and despondent. it’s like a break-up, really. you’re sad, heartbroken over the loss, but you know it’s time to step out of the hurt and into something different.

before you can stop yourself, you grab the rolls of film, your purse, and your jacket, and you head for the nearest photo shop.

a few hours later, you return with a heavy packet of freshly-printed photographs and a usb drive full of digital scans. there’s over two hundred photos to sort through, and you’ve yet to see one. 

flipping on the light to your living room, you sit down beside the coffee table, a glass of wine at your side, the table cleared of any lingering books or empty teacups. before you open the packet of photos, you open your laptop and type your search into the search bar. if you’re going to quell your curiosity tonight, you might as well quell all of it, and you’re dying to know what happened after you left. 

a simple internet search confirms what you already know: your presence within the group on the jazz tour did not alter any significant events. freddie still passed away, john still retired. a further search yields at least one previously nonexistent queen song written by brian may: “into thin air.” it was released in the album following jazz. you can’t bring yourself to listen to it, not yet. a deeper search unearths an interview brian gave a year or so after you left. the interview was published in a magazine editorial covering of each of queen’s band members and their lives when not on tour or recording. after freddie’s bit, there’s a photograph of brian at the top of a new page. he’s smiling, but he looks weary and he mentions you only once: “i was engaged for awhile, but that ended in an unfortunate circumstance, so to answer your question: no, i’m not looking for love. not right now, anyway.”

you close the laptop and lean back against the sofa. the ring on your finger feels heavy. your eyes fill with unshed tears, and you decide the photos can wait to be seen until tomorrow.

the packet of photos ends up sitting on the coffee table for two weeks before you invite your co-worker, shamik, over for wine and cheese and museum gossip. shamik is kind, a first-generation immigrant from india with personality to spare and an exuberance for all things american. he claims it’s his greatest curse that his parents brought him to britain as a baby instead of america, and it’s something he can never forgive them for. you’ve only interacted with shamik at work, but when you mention your exhibit project, he’s eager to offer his help. with no new ideas outside ancient textiles, you’re willing to take whatever advice or ideas he has.

sitting beside him on the couch, you spread your collection of papers and pictures on the table to explain your vision. he listens dutifully, nodding along, his eyes scanning the 3-d projection you’ve made of what the exhibit might look like once completed. when you’ve finished your spiel, he sets his wine glass down and nods to the packet of unopened photographs on the edge of the table.

“what’s that?”

you frown, shaking your head at the sudden turn in conversation. “sorry?”

he reaches for the manilla envelope. “oh, it’s hefty! what’s in here?”

you sigh and take the packet from his hands. it feels solid in your lap, like a brick. “photos from my great-aunt.”

he points to the sealed flap. “it’s unopened.”

“i haven’t gotten the chance to look through it yet.” setting the packet to the side, you raise your eyebrows. “well, what do you think? about the exhibit?”

“honestly? it’s dull. monica won’t be impressed.”

you throw yourself back against the couch with a groan. “what the hell,” you whisper. “i’ve got no ideas then.”

you know ancient textile photography would not be the most enticing exhibit, but it’s been an interest of yours for some time and would be easy enough to complete. shamik and rachel’s reactions do not bode well, you have to admit. having a job as an assistant curator right out of the gate would be beyond marvelous, and you desperately don’t want to screw it up with a boring first exhibit.

“let’s have a look at these pictures from your aunt!” before you can stop him, shamik reaches across your lap for the photo packet and rips open the top. “maybe that will spark some ideas?”

you lean forward, blush already rising to your cheeks as he pulls out the first picture. “oh no, shamik, i don’t know if—”

“holy shit!”

you shut your eyes, wincing.

“that’s fucking freddie mercury!” shamik grabs your shoulder, his fingers digging into your flesh. “did you know about this, [y/n]? that’s your aunt with freddie mercury!”

forcing your eyes open, you look at the photo trembling between his fingers. it’s a picture of you sitting beside freddie on the tour bus. (you think john took the photo in an effort to get you to stop taking photos of him when he was asleep while roger and crystal placed as many items on his head as they could before he fully awoke.) your head is against freddie’s shoulder, your eyes droopy with sleep. a lump rises in your throat, and all you can do is shake your head in feigned disbelief as shamik continues to shuffle through the photos.

“oh my god, your aunt was a groupie,” he cries, passing you another photo.

“i guess—” you clear your throat. “i guess she was.”

“you know”—shamik sets the pile of photos down and spreads them across the table, obscuring your vision of an ancient textiles display—“this would make a great exhibit.”

“shamik—” your voice is a warning, a sudden surge of anger rising in your chest, but he continues.

“no, really, [y/n]! there are so many photos here that tell such a cutesy little story. i mean, come on? freddie and this cat?” he lifts the photo in question. “it’s stuff people have never seen before from a totally different side of queen. it’s a fucking goldmine!” 

“absolutely not,” you say. “i will not put my aunt’s personal affairs on display.”

“think of monica, [y/n]! think of the job!”

“no, shamik!” you stand from the table and drop your plates in the kitchen sink with a resolute clatter. “i barely knew my aunt, but i know enough to gather that her time with queen was private. she didn’t say anything about it until she died. that’s got to mean something, and i don’t want to air it all out for everyone to see and speculate and gossip about just for my own personal gain.”

you’re shouting, fists clenched at your sides, by the time you finish. shamik just stares at you, his face blank and unreadable. he glances down at a photo. 

“she looks a lot like you,” he says, his voice even.

you huff and take the wine glasses from the table. “we’ve got strong family genes. now, please, i’d appreciate it if you just drop the whole queen thing. we can find some other idea.”

you gather the photos, shove them back in the folder, and toss the envelope in the nearest drawer you can find. the drawer slams shut, and you leave the photos there to gather dust.

you mull over shamik’s idea of an exhibit based on your photos for a month before you finally relent. monica’s riding your ass daily with questions about your progress. you need to get something down on paper for her to give to the contractors, so you begrudgingly type out a response to her most recent email:

monica,

i’ve landed on an exhibit topic at last. took me long enough, right? 

i’ve recently come into possession of a series of photographs taken by my late great-aunt. turns out she was a groupie with the band queen in the ‘70s. my exhibit will be centered around those photos. i’m thinking the exhibit will be titled “queen: unfiltered.” do with that what you will. :)

monica, much to your dismay, loves the idea and sends you right to work on gathering and laying out your vision while she begins the necessary promotion.

it hurts at first—looking at all the photos you took, remembering the way you felt so unearthly happy during that year. you cry each time you sit down to sort out the best of the pictures. the ones which capture a moment of levity amongst the band or are particularly well-shot go in a pile on the left. the ones which didn’t develop well or are too intimate for you to ever consider putting on display go in a pile on the right. your bedroom floor is a mess of drafted captions written on slips of printer paper, photographs with notes scrawled along the back, and used tissues. more than anything, you wish you could step into the world behind those photographs. you want to be back there—with him, with them—until you grow old and gray. knowing you can’t, that you won’t ever see him again, tears you apart inside.

but it helps. the exhibit forces you to acknowledge the time you spent with brian, with queen. instead of leaving the photos in a drawer, they confront you everyday as you sit down to work, and everyday it gets a little bit easier to face your past. as the tears subside, you find yourself laughing whenever you find a new photo of roger’s antics. your heart doesn’t clench as much when you run across another photo of you and brian. you can smile now when you look at his face. he really was so handsome...

you go so far as to frame your favorite photograph of your time together and place it on your dresser. he’s got his arms wrapped around you from behind, his chin settled on the top of your head. you’re laughing, your hands folded on his arms, legs crossed as you tilt to the side. he’s making a face, his tongue stuck out at the camera, and every time you pass by the picture, you can’t help but chuckle.

you love him still. you’ll love him always.

with three weeks before the opening of the exhibit, the stress is starting to get the better of you. you’ve bitten your nails down to the quick, there’s heavy bags under your eyes from lack of sleep, and you can’t remember the last time you consumed something other than coffee. despite the stress, you feel lighter. working through the photos, laying them out in order, writing the captions, pouring over the faces of the ones you love so dearly—it’s all helped ease the burden in your heart. for the first time in a long time, you slip out of bed in the mornings with a newfound sense of energy and purpose.

life will go on. just as you did when you fell into the past, you will find a new future.

arms laden with exhibit proposals and mock-ups, you brush into your local coffee shop—pretty bird—intent on getting some real work done on choosing the final photographs before you send them off to be printed. you order your usual and take a seat by the front. the air which wafts through the open window at your side is warm with spring and rebirth, and you breathe deep, cracking open the lid of your laptop. you manage to pick a total of twelve of the seventy-six needed photographs before you’re interrupted.

“whatcha workin’ on?” matthew, barista extraordinaire and casual acquaintance, sits down on the bench across from you. he has his own cup of cold brew poised between his lips, and the piercing in his eyebrow wiggles as he moves his brow up and down.

“an exhibit for the museum,” you say, pausing to roll your tight shoulders. “it’s my first.”

“do tell!”

you explain, briefly, how to came to acquire your dead aunt’s photographs and the general theme of the showcase. he nods in approval then snaps as if he’s remembered something.

“hold on. stay right there. i’ll be right back.” he puts his coffee down, scoots off of the bench, and darts to the back of the coffee shop. you wait and listen to the sound of the birds twittering outside before he returns with a framed picture in hand. “i just learned about this,” he says, taking his seat again. “this building used to be a disco back in the 70s.” he hands you the frame and points to a collection of people in the middle of a disco bar. “that’s queen. they came here once and somebody had the smarts to take a picture.”

your hands shake around the photograph, eyes darting from one corner of the picture to another. 

matthew keeps talking. “the place was called climax. can you believe that? the 70s were fuckin’ wild, mate.”

you nod, lips parted, and skim your fingers over the incredibly tall and recognizable form of brian in the center of the photo. you can see your shoulder, jammed between freddie and crystal, but the rest of your body is obscured. you lift your eyes from the frame and glance around the coffee shop, at the exposed metal beams and vaulted ceilings, at the disco ball still hanging in the center of the room.

makes sense now. why the building had felt so eerily familiar back then.

handing matthew the picture frame, you sit back in your chair. “wonder if my aunt ever came,” you say.

“maybe? sounds like she was in pretty tight. you know who you could ask?” you shake your head, uncertain of matthew’s question. “chris taylor. he was a roadie back then. he’s a regular here. comes in at least twice at week.”

you can’t stop the hand that flies to your mouth in surprise. you try to smother your gasp with a cough, but matthew still stares at you like you’ve sprouted another head. 

“you okay?” he asks warily.

nodding, you take a sip of your drink. “yeah, yeah, sorry! wrong pipe.”

“so, do you want to meet him and ask about your aunt?”

everything in you screams to say no. it’s too dangerous. you will surely break the moment you see him. crystal became your lifeline apart from brian during that year. he was your brother, your partner in crime, the one who kept you grounded when things got too wild. just knowing that he’s frequented the same coffee shop as you for the last six months brings tears to your eyes. you could have run into him. hell, you might’ve already. still, you aren’t sure if you’d be able to make it through a proper meeting without spilling your guts and apologizing for the way you left.

“[y/n]?” matthew pulls you from your thoughts. “what do you think?”

you hesitate before shrugging. you speak before you can stop yourself, before the rational and reasonable part of you can take over. god, you need this. if it’s your only opportunity for true closure, you’ll take it. “if he’s up to it then... sure.”

matthew grins. “come in tomorrow. i’ll introduce you!”

that night you toss and turn. you’re plagued with anxiety. will crystal recognize you? if he does, what will he say? will he be angry? what if he tells brian and then—

your bedside alarm goes off just as you fall asleep. it’s a struggle to drag yourself out of bed, but you must. there’s closure somewhere around the corner, and if you just move your ass, you’ll find it. you have one class this morning then your meeting with crystal. you’re jittery by the time you leave class, but you chalk that up to drinking two cups of coffee before leaving your flat and one in class. 

it’s drizzling as you make your way to the coffee shop. you hasten your steps, head bent against the rain and fingers curled around the strap of your bag. when you enter the shop, it’s nearly empty aside from a few lonesome students studying in far off corners. you can hear the faint thrill of music over the loudspeakers, but the blood that’s rushing to your ears blocks out most of the melody.

crystal’s already here, leaning against the counter, in conversation with matthew.

you stop in your tracks. he’s bald now, slightly pudgier with age, but he looks every bit as devilish as you remember.

you swallow past the fear in your throat and the anxiety in your veins and step forward. you voice wobbles when you speak. “matthew?” you direct your entrance to your friend because if you come right out and say crystal’s name, you will surely fall over in a puddle of emotion.

“there you are!” matthew jumps over the counter in one easy leap and lands to the floor beside you. he drapes his arm around your shoulders and motions to crystal. “[y/n], i’d like you to meet chris taylor. chris, this is [y/n], the girl i was telling you about.”

crystal’s staring at you through his blue-tinted glasses like he’s seen a ghost. his jaw has gone slack, his mouth opening and closing as he tries to formulate a sentence. 

you shove your hand into the space between you. “nice to meet you, mr. taylor.”

looking between matthew and yourself, he gathers himself, clearing his throat, and shakes your hand. “you too.”

“should we sit?” you motion to the same table you occupied the day before. “i can buy you a coffee for your troubles.”

he shakes his head and lifts his cup. “already got mine.”

“all right, well...” you glance at matthew.

“do you want your regular?” he asks.

“yes, please.”

“comin’ right up.”

crystal follows you to the table and sits down, his movements slow. for a moment, you sit in silence and allow his eyes to roam your face. you can’t tell if he knows it’s you or if he thinks it’s just a coincidence. you want to reach out and take the hand he rubs across the bridge of his nose, but you fold your fingers in your lap.

“thank you for agreeing to talk with me,” you finally say.

“you aunt,” he starts.

“yes, my aunt.” you pull a photograph out of your bag. it’s one of the few you took with crystal all those years ago. he’s got you in a headlock, his opposite fist grinding into the top of your skull. you slide the picture across the table. “you knew her?”

crystal lifts the photo, inspects it, before putting it down. he sighs, shaking his head. “i loved that woman. broke my heart when she left.” his gaze lifts from the table. “you look like her, have her name too.”

you look away, out the window at the side. there’s bird fluttering in a puddle on the sidewalk, and you watch it for a moment before turning back to him. “i think my mother loved her a great deal. i didn’t get the chance to know her, though. we only just found these pictures recently.”

his eyes narrow. “i mean, you really look like her.”

you force a smile. “thank you. that’s kind of you.” shifting, you tap your finger on the table. “i know her leaving wasn’t exactly...” you struggle to find the proper word, but he jumps to assist.

“natural?”

“well, i was going to say easy, but—”

“she fuckin’ disappeared! excuse my language.” huffing, he drops back against his chair. “one minute she was there, the next minute she was gone. i swear, i’ve never seen anyone skip town that fast.”

“she didn’t say anything about leaving?”

“why would she? she was engaged! she had no reason to leave that i know of.”

“was she happy?”

“hell yes. her and brian—i’ve never seen two people more fit for one another. brian just about lost his mind trying to find her, but it was like she never existed. strangest thing.” he pauses to take a sip of his coffee, looking askance, before his eyes whiz back to yours. “oh my fucking god.” 

you look up, fear sparking in your belly. “what?”

“[y/n]?”

you blink. your head feels dizzy with the way he’s looking at you, like he’s about to jump across the table and throttle you or hug you so tight your insides might squeeze out of your body.

“fuck,” he breathes. “it is you.”

“i don’t know know what you’re—”

“don’t play dumb with me!” he leans across the table and lowers his voice. “i was the one who got you that phony passport, remember? i always wondered why i couldn’t find your credentials. had to lie my way through it until i got the damn thing. you’re lucky everything was so lax in the 70s.” he shakes his head. “how’d you do it?”

there’s part of you that wants to deny, deny, deny.

but it’s crystal. you can’t lie to him any more than you already have.

“i had no choice in the matter,” you say plainly. “one minute i was here, the next minute i was there, and the next minute i was here again.”

his jaw works back and forth as he processes the information. “does brian know?”

“no—and i’d like to keep it that way.”

“i thought we might lose him after you left.”

you twist the ring on your finger. “if i’d had the choice, i would have stayed. i hope you know that.”

crystal nods. “yeah, i do.” he holds your gaze then motions to your bag. “so, this exhibit matthew told me about. you’re publishing all those photos you took?”

“yes. there are some pictures i’ve saved for myself, but my boss, monica, she got permission from the record label to go ahead with the others. it opens in three weeks.”

“i’ll be there if i can. i’d like to see those pictures.”

you smile, your first earnest smile of the day. “you feature many times.”

he ducks his head like an embarrassed schoolboy. “we were thick as thieves, weren’t we?”

“you and roger were thicker, but i’d like to think i had a part to play some of the time.”

he lifts his head and heaves a heavy sigh. “you know, when i said i loved you, i meant it. not in the way brian did. you were like a kid sister to me. i cared for you a great deal.”

before you can stop yourself, you slip your hand across the table to grasp his worn fingers. his shoulders shake on another sigh, and he lifts his opposite hand to wipe at his eyes beneath his glasses. 

“oh, crystal. i’m so sorry,” you whisper. it hurts to see him cry, to know that you’re the cause behind his pain. 

he waves your apology away, sniffing hard. “i’m just glad to know you’re okay. we thought you might’ve gotten picked up or—” he shakes his head and pats your hand over his, meeting your eyes. “you’re okay, though. that’s what matters.”

“will you really come to my exhibit?”

“anything for you, kid.” he thumbs the underside of your chin with a lopsided grin. “even after all this time, i’m putty in your hands.”

you grin and hand him a business card, which he tucks in the folds of his wallet. rising from his seat, he opens his arms and you practically trip into his hug. he holds you tight for the briefest of moments before pulling back. he pats your cheek.

“i’ll see you in three weeks, yeah? if i stay any longer i’ll end up a sobbin’ mess on the floor.”

you nod. “yeah. and, crystal?” he turns at the door. “don’t tell brian. please.”

he leaves without another word.

the day of the exhibit opening you are equal parts thrilled and a nervous wreck. everyone’s here—your family, rachel, shamik, even matthew. you haven’t seen crystal amidst the crowd mingling in the lobby, but you trust him to show. he’s always been reliable, and you doubt he’ll fail you now.

monica squeezes your shoulder as she passes you by in the staff hallway. “it looks wonderful, [y/n]. consider yourself hired,” she says and hands you a keycard. “i’m going to give you a piece of advice i got when i completed my first exhibit: go have a moment by yourself. look at your work, be proud of it. you deserve it.”

with trembling fingers and a racing heart, you make your way down the corridor to the south exhibit hall. due to a celebratory lunch with rachel the day before, you hadn’t gotten the chance to see the room in its final state. in retrospect, you’re thankful for the chance to see it for the first time alone. at least this way, if you cry, no one will have to know.

the door beeps as it unlocks, and you slip inside the room. you descend the handful of stairs which lead into the showroom floor and suck in a deep breath. 

before entering the exhibit, there’s a wall to the side with a simple explanation written in a white font:

queen: unfiltered — this exhibit preserves and presents never-before-seen images of the popular band, queen, through the eyes of an unnamed woman who spent a year traveling the world on queen’s jazz album tour. her images are intimate yet distinctive and offer a personal glimpse into the lives of one of britain’s most well-known bands. 

at the far end of the room hang four banners spanning floor to ceiling. the banners wave gently in the air blowing throughout the room, illuminated from lights on the ceiling and floor. each banner hosts an oversized photo of one of the band’s members in an image that best captures their personality. it took you hours to find the right photo for each man, but you stand by your choice for each one.

there’s john on the far left, head bent as he strums the bass across his knee. his lips are pursed in thought, a line of concentration on his brow.

there’s freddie next to him. he stands in a spanish alley way, cradling a stray cat in his arms. he looks serenely on at the camera, a rare moment of simplicity.

there’s brian sat in an overstuffed armchair, his gangly legs crossed, a book open on his lap. he has the corner of his thumb in his mouth, and if you squint you can see the edge of his tongue.

there’s roger on the far right. he’s smiling at the camera, his eyes bright with mischief and joy. there’s a party hat snug on the crown of his head, pulling the skin of his forehead taut.

on opposite sides of the room, two parallel rows of twelve photos hang in neat order. you decided to have every photograph in the exhibit printed in black-and-white and, in all, you painstakingly picked the forty-eight photos featured in their simple white frames. you walk along the wall, hands clasped at your waist, eyes running over the memories you hold so dear.

the afternoon crystal taught you ride a bike in barcelona: you’re sat on the handlebars after a hard fall, mouth open in a squeal of delight as crystal whips toward the camera.

roger and john tossing an apple back and forth in an ottawa grocery store: john’s smile is broad, the apple caught on film midair.

brian sitting on the floor of your hotel suite: there’s a tray of sushi at his feet, and he’s smiling at you, his hair wet from a shower.

freddie playing the piano in the airport in yugoslavia: he’d been so excited to see one, his shoes had slipped on the slick floor as he ran to it. he’d played dramatically, conducting those around him in a horrible rendition of “god save the queen.”

your eyes sting with tears as you glance about the room. you’re proud of your work. it looks good, professional and elegant, but more than that, you’re proud of yourself for the work you’ve done in mending your broken heart. though you will never live the life you’d once dreamed of, you will always have the memories—and that’s got to count for something.

when the double-doors open and monica ushers the first of the patrons in, you slip into the closest bathroom to wipe at the makeup smudged under your eyes. you’re happy, truly so, and you want to celebrate—celebrate both of your lives as they finally come together.

the room is crowded when you reenter, conversation and gentle laughter mingling in the air. you accept a tight hug from rachel when you see her and the congratulations of your parents. you can’t stop smiling, and you’re sure your face will hurt come morning, but it doesn’t really matter, does it?

your parents float away, hand in hand, and you find yourself alone in the center of the room, watching in awe as people you’ve never met look at your photos, at your memories, and nod in appreciation. your chest swells with an emotion you can’t place.

“i think this calls for a congratulations. you’ve outdone yourself, dove.”

you whirl on your heel, lip caught between your teeth in a poorly-concealed smile. “you came.”

crystal grins. the tie of his suit is rumbled and askew, and you reach out to straighten it. old habits die hard. “i said i would.”

“what do you think?”

“i think it’s fantastic. the lads would be proud.”

“maybe.” you shrug. “guess we’ll never know.”

“are you really so intent on staying hidden forever?”

you nod. “yes. it took everything in me to even talk to you. i don’t want to ruin their lives again by popping back up, especially because i’m not exactly old, am i?”

crystal laughs, shaking his head. “you must think you’re hot stuff if a simple hello could ruin a life.” his laughter fades into a simple smile. “now, i know you’re going to hate me and i’m willing to take that, but i did tell a certain someone about the exhibit.”

you can feel the blood drain from your face. “crystal, you didn’t.”

he winces. “i might’ve.”

you slap his arm and curl your fingers into his bicep. “you bastard!”

he holds up his hands in defense, decent enough to plaster a look of contrition on his face. “look, i didn’t tell him the context or what tipped me off. i just told him there was a new exhibit about queen and he was eager to come see. that’s all!”

you swallow hard, uncertain how to respond. “i—” your head twists back and forth in utter confusion. “i don’t know what to do.”

crystal’s face softens, and he nudges your shoulder. “go talk to him. he deserves that much, doesn’t he?”

you can’t argue with that.

giving crystal’s arm a grateful squeeze, your legs shake beneath you as you turn and see him—brian—across the room.

you don’t know how you didn’t see him before. even now, forty years later, he’s still unmistakeable: still tall, still gangly, but his hair has gone white and his strides are slower. the overwhelming urge to tear across the room and curl yourself around his back nearly overpowers you, but you shove it down and manage to cross the floor in slow, even steps. you keep your eyes glued to his back, your hands twitching at your sides. when you reach him and catch a faint whiff of his cologne, the same he wore all those years ago, you have to push back the tears that rise unbidden to your eyes.

you tap his shoulder. “dr. may?”

he circles around, as does his wife anita, her arm snug in his elbow.

brian blinks hard, his brow furrowed in confusion. for a moment, you let him stare at you as you stare right back. his eyes are the same. you’d thought they’d be different, but they aren’t. the realization stuns you silent.

anita glances between you both before smiling sweetly. “good evening, sweetheart,” she says, and her voice is so kind you can’t even summon the slightest bit of jealousy. “i’m afraid i didn’t catch your name.”

“oh, i’m sorry!” you laugh and find that smiling at anita isn’t hard. “my name’s [y/n] [y/l/n]. i created the exhibit. i thought i might come and introduce myself.”

“oh, how lovely!” anita claps her hands together. “what you’ve done is so beautiful, [y/n]. it’s nearly brought a tear to my eye.”

“that’s very kind of you, ma’am.”

“brian likes it too. don’t you, brian?”

he still can’t seem to formulate any sort of response. he’s frozen in place, and your heart lurches for him. to see the woman he’d once asked to marry him, the one so cruelly ripped away, while standing next to his wife... precisely why you never wanted to meddle in his current affairs.

finally, he seems to collect himself. he sucks in a deep breath and nods in agreement. “yes, i do. very much.”

“that means a lot,” you say, easing your smile back into place. “thank you.”

“i’ll leave you two to talk to for a moment. i see crystal hovering in the corner over there, and i’m sure you both have many questions for one another.” anita presses her hand on your arm as she passes. “lovely job, dear.”

she leaves, and you’re left alone with the greatest love of your life.

you wait for him to speak.

“you’re... alive?” it’s a question, not a statement.

“yes.”

“you’re the same age?”

“yes.”

“how did—” he shakes his head. “i don’t understand.”

“neither do i.”

his chin quivers slightly, and he looks away. “i thought you’d been taken or decided to—”

you dare to touch his arm. a spark jolts through your fingers at the slightest touch, but you hold firm. “nothing happened,” you explain. “other than nature righting her mistake.”

“i think—i think i need to sit down.”

“yes, of course. my office is down the hall. it’s quiet there.”

he nods and leans against your arm as you lead him down the hall. in the silence of your dimly lit office, he collapses to the loveseat beneath the window and drops his face to his hands. you hesitate in the doorway until he looks up. tears shimmer in his eyes, and you swallow hard, your smile wavering around the edges.

he stands then, crosses the floor, and cradles your face in his hands. “my god,” he breathes. “it really is you.”

with a laugh, you hold his wrists. “in the flesh.”

“how long’s it been?” his thumb works over your cheekbone and, though you know he should stop, you can’t bring yourself to step away from his touch.

“about seven months.”

he snorts. “try forty years.”

“you seem like you did well for yourself, though.”

he shrugs. “i suppose.”

“you’re happy?”

there’s a heavy pause before he says, “yes.”

“that’s all i want to hear.”

slipping out of his grasp, you put a modicum of space between you both. the air is thick with emotion, and your heart beats wildly against your chest. the love you thought you’d put to bed flares at the mere sight of him, even after all this time.

you drift your finger through the sand of your tabletop zen garden. “i told crystal not to tell you about me,” you admit.

“he didn’t—not in so many words.”

“i know. i’m glad he said something, though.” you pause, meet his gaze. “it’s so good to see you, bri.”

quiet falls over the room as he stares at you. you don’t squirm. you’re comfortable under his gaze, always have been.

“i hope you know i never stop looking,” he says. “even after anita, i kept trying to find you. just to know.”

“and i hope you know that i would do it all again in a heartbeat if it meant i got to be with you even for a time.”

your phone vibrates on the desk, skidding across your oversized calendar. you reach for the phone and flip it over before slipping it in the purse hung over your desk chair.

“i’ve got to go,” you admit, crossing to his side. “i’ve actually got a date.”

to your surprise, his eyes crinkle with amusement. “i’m happy to hear it.” he lifts a hand and smooths back the hair from the side of your face. he looks at you with all the love he did forty years ago, and you wish you could take a picture to remember forever. 

but then you remember: you have dozens of photos at home, and it doesn’t seem too hard to let him go now. not after the work you’ve put into mending your heart. you can face this, face saying goodbye for good. you have to, for his sake and your own.

rising to your tiptoes, you place a hand on his shoulder and kiss the corner of his mouth—one last touch, for you both. you wind your arm around his neck and whisper in his ear, “i love you, brian may. i always will.”

he squeezes you hard against his body, sucking in a ragged breath. “i love you too, [y/n].”

dropping back to your heels, you huff a breath and smile wide. “well, i’d better go.”

“yes, you’d better. don’t keep the lad waiting.”

you bite the inside of your cheek, your hand lingering on his. “okay, well... goodbye, brian.”

he smiles, and it’s the loveliest sight you’ve ever seen. he brushes you cheek with the back of his hand, whispering, “see you later, love.”

dipping out the back of the museum, you walk down the street, purse slung over your shoulders. you think you’ll be able to sleep well for the first time in a long time tonight. 

you hope he can, too.

~*~*~*

taglist: @bhmay​ @grigorlee​ @teenagepeterpan​ @just-my-sickly-pride​ @perriwiinkle​ @ubernoxa​ @anunknownnebula​ @coincidence-ithinknots-blog​ @captvinswaan​ @ineloqueent​

[marril96]

The Distance Between Us

Epilogue: What the Future Holds

Pairing: Rowena x reader

Summary: Five years later...

A/N: Here we are, folks. This is the end. I would like to thank everyone who helped me get this story to where it is. From my wonderful editors to my faithful readers — I appreciate every single one of you amazing people. Thank you so much! For reading, commenting, helping me out, talking to me, believing in me, encouraging me to continue even when it was hard. I hope the ending is satisfying enough, and that we will hang out soon when I work on my other projects. Best of regards, Mariana. ♥

Editor: @miss-moon-guardian

*****

There was nothing better than a wedding to get the old gang back together.

It had been a while since you'd seen everyone all at once.

Five long years — ever since you'd graduated high school.

There were times when it felt as if it had happened yesterday. As if you'd just said goodbye to your friends before everyone went their own way, their own direction, colleges and jobs calling.

Time sure liked to fly.

You made sure to stay in contact with everyone. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram; all tools you readily used. They were your friends. Some distance couldn't change that.

The seven of you had your own Facebook chat group that was filled to the brim with messages. Memes were shared. Laughs exchanged — in emoji form, but laughs nonetheless. News, good and bad, were told. Advices asked for and given.

It almost felt like old times.

Almost.

But not quite.

The truth was, despite how hard you tried to maintain your friendship, things changed.

Life happened.

Sam had gone to Stanford on full scholarship, dreaming big of contributing to the world, helping save it. With the way things were going, you were confident he would do it. If anyone could help make the world a better place, it was him.

In his free time, he liked to give speeches on healthy lifestyles, which, for some bizarre reason, consisted of consuming a lot of kale.

A kale smoothie had become a signature of his, the cup seemingly glued to his hand.

He'd become a hit on the internet for it. A meme everyone in your friend group shared and poked fun at. Light-heartedly, of course.

Dean was convinced Sam was doing it to embarrass him.

Sam, in turn, had told him a healthier diet would do him good.

Dean wasn't interested, and, a few hours later, had posted a picture of himself stuffing a big, greasy hamburger into his mouth with the caption #DownWithKale.

Sam was not amused.

Crowley had changed his name as soon as he'd turned eighteen. Crowley had officially become his name, Fergus long forgotten, thrown in the trash where he felt it belonged.

His family still called him Fergus.

Well, Rowena and his mother did. Gavin, the good boy that he was, had always referred to him as Crowley, which was why he was Crowley's favorite family member (his only family member, if he had any say in it).

He'd gone into studying business, rich businessman future planned out to the smallest details. He'd intended to work his way to the top; it would take a while, but he was confident hard work, combined with his cunning, ambitious nature, would earn him the throne.

Maybe, he'd mused, he could eventually open his own company. Be his own boss. Set his own terms.

May he have the best of luck.

Castiel had gone into teaching. A surprising choice of career, especially considering his awkward nature, but it was what he wanted to do. Helping kids. Guiding them by his own example.

He certainly had the drive for it.

Who knows? Maybe kids would like him. Maybe they would like his awkwardness.

Meg, not really the scholarly type, had gone to community college and had found herself working in a supermarket.

She hated her job, and she hated the customers even more. The chat was frequently filled with her rants about one thing or another that had occurred at work that particular day.

Funny stuff, usually.

Especially when she snapped at customers and got reprimanded for it, but kept doing it anyway because her boss knew all too well he couldn't afford to lose her as an employee.

Instead of a college, Dean had gone into trades. He'd opened his own little mechanic shop back in Lawrence. It was hard work, far from ideal, paid just enough to cover the costs of living, but he enjoyed it. He was happy.

That was all that mattered.

Rowena had worked hard on her intensive at Joffrey. It was a difficult three months; she was always practicing, always dancing, on her feet from dawn to dusk. You'd barely gotten to talk, aside from the weekends, which you'd spent in front of your phones or laptops, Skype open, smiles wide as you talked about each week's events.

You'd missed her so much.

Too much.

But, as with all things, the intensive had eventually ended and you'd gotten to have her home for a week — a whole week! — before college officially started.

The two of you couldn't keep your hands off each other that entire time.

It wasn't enough — seven measly days was far from enough — but it was something.

After three months of drought, it was the welcome, desperately awaited rain.

Parting for college was even more difficult. You'd each gone your own way, different as you were, each pursuing your own dream.

It was a struggle, but, like the intensive, you'd made it work.

You'd kept in contact. Skyped at every available moment. Traveled to one another's schools when the opportunity arose. Made sure to spend the holidays (the most important ones) together.

And, just like that, years had gone by, and soon enough school was behind you and you were together once again.

The decision to move in together was a mutual one. It was more of an understanding, really. With school behind you, jobs calling, and the relationship stronger than ever even all these years later, it just made sense to take it a step further.

Why wouldn't you live together?

You did everything else together, so you might as well, to quote Crowley every time he walked in on you making out, get a room.

So you did.

You rented an apartment in Manhattan. A small one that, despite its size, was warm and pleasant and felt just like home.

Your and Rowena's home.

Sometimes it felt like a dream.

As if, every moment now, you would wake up and realize the last five years of your life were nothing but a fantasy, a product of your sleeping mind.

Then you would kiss Rowena's cheek, take a sip of tea from her mug just to tease her (her glares and pouts were adorable), and smile, and the reality — your reality, one you'd worked hard to accomplish, your so wished for future — would settle in and all the silly thoughts would go away as if they'd never existed.

You'd made it.

The future you'd dreamed of, that you and Rowena had planned for so thoroughly, had come to be.

It wasn't perfect, but it was yours.

Rowena had found work at Broadway. She was a dancer, and an excellent one; with Joffrey on her resume, the job was hers the moment she'd stepped into the audition room.

You were having difficulty with finding employment yourself, but, luckily, her pay was enough to cover the living costs of the two of you.

You felt bad; the last thing you wanted was to look as if you were taking advantage. But she'd made it clear she didn't mind. You were together. A family, for no other word could describe what you had, what you'd built and grew together. What was hers was yours, and vice versa.

Being a housewife wasn't your ideal profession, if one could call it that, but it wasn't bad.

It was, dare you say it, fun.

You found yourself enjoying awaiting Rowena's return after a long, exhausting day on her feet — literally — with a loving hug, a peck on the lips, and a warm meal on the table — a delivery from a restaurant or a warmed up can, for cooking was a skill you were still far from perfecting.

You were happy.

And so was she.

The two of you made it work.

Lately, Rowena had been considering joining the Royal Ballet. It was a big step, one that required careful thinking and plenty of discussions.

Moving to another city was one thing.

Moving to another country, half across the world, on the other hand…

She'd made it clear she wasn't going to make the decision without you. This concerned you, too; if you wanted to stay in New York, you would stay.

Both of you.

She just wanted you to think about it, weigh in cons and pros.

And you did.

You'd been thinking about it for weeks.

Bless her heart, Rowena was patient. She didn't push you, or rush you, or try to guilt you. She left you to your own pace.

You were immensely grateful for it.

By the time the wedding came, you were pretty sure you'd made up your mind.

In a day or two — hell, maybe even today, after the ceremony — you would tell her.

It was a small wedding, closest family and friends only. Sam was never one for parties. He and Eileen had rented a small cottage with a beautiful yard they'd decorated themselves. Quite cheap, as far as American weddings went, but lovely.

This was a wedding for love, not luxury.

When Sam had announced he was engaged in the group chat a year ago, you weren't surprised. You'd always had a feeling he would go for it first. While Dean was a one night stand kind of guy, Sam was more the settle down type. The kind of guy who kicked ass at work during the day and then cuddled with his wife and kids at night. The picture of a family man.

And, god, would he be a good one!

He was sweet and caring, a wonderful friend, and, no doubt, an even more wonderful boyfriend. Husband material, if you ever knew one.

Eileen was equally sweet, equally amazing. A lovely girl who treated everyone like a friend and loved Sam with all her heart.

They were perfect for each other.

Seeing your gang together after five years, in person, in full color, was an experience that was almost supernatural. There was screaming and squealing and hugging and teasing. You'd forgotten how noisy you were all together.

Your mind flashed back to high school, to afternoons at Biggerson's, sipping at your smoothies and coffees and stealing fries off each other's plates.

Those were the days.

There wasn't much difference to either of you. You were older, but other than that, you still looked the same. You teased each other as you'd used to, joked as if you were still that bunch of high schoolers who had the whole world under their feet.

There were changes, obviously. Inevitably. Some subtle, others not so much.

Sam's hair was an inch or so shorter, or so it looked in the pictures (he was still getting ready, having not yet shown himself to the guests).

You followed his example, having never been one for big change. Shorter hair was shorter hair, even if only a bit.

Dean bore — proudly — a few scars. Work injuries, though you were willing to bet he'd earned a couple in the bar fights he liked to brag about.

"You should see the other guy," he always said.

You never had any particular desire to.

Crowley had a small beard, and wore it well; it made him look older, more mature.

Emphasis on look, for he and Rowena still bickered like brats.

Gavin, the actual child of the family, was more mature than the two of them.

Rowena wore less sparkly clothes (she now saved those for special occasions). Instead, she preferred to wear dress pants and blouses that you found strangely arousing.

Sometimes you got her to role-play in them. She made one delicious businesswoman.

Castiel dressed the same, trench coat over everything (even wore the damn thing to the wedding), looked the same, acted the same, however, his change was big.

It tied right into Meg's for she was seven months pregnant, and her stomach was appropriately swollen to showcase it.

She'd gained a bit of weight and dyed her hair blonde, but her character remained the same.

She was still that same foul-mouthed, opinionated firecracker of a girl.

And you loved her for it.

"You look great!" you told her first thing you saw her. Then you threw an arm around her, your other one wrapping around Castiel, and said, "I couldn't wait to congratulate you guys in person! I'm so happy for you!"

You were.

Happy from the bottom of your heart.

Ecstatic.

Proud.

The two of them had done well for themselves. Like your and Rowena's, their life wasn't perfect, but they made it work. They lived it to the fullest.

They were happy.

In love.

Excited for the baby, a joyous little accident.

You weren't the parenting type, (neither was Rowena), however, while raising a family wasn't your particular dream, you couldn't have been more excited for them.

This was what they wanted.

What kind of a friend would you be if you judged?

Families came in all shapes and sizes.

As did dreams. Ambitions. Aspirations.

Supporting them, wishing them well in any and every form — that was the true meaning of friendship.

Meg and Castiel would make amazing parents.

Weird and eccentric, but still amazing.

That baby would be one happy, very loved kid. Surrounded by a large family of aunts and uncles, all loving, caring, eager to spoil them.

Blood-related and not.

As far as Meg and Castiel were concerned, your group was family.

It was definitely better than some actual family members.

Like Castiel's father, good old Principal Shurley, who'd, a couple years ago, gotten himself into quite a bit of trouble for embezzlement.

The news didn't quite shock you as it should have. There was always something about him.

Lucifer never stopped getting in trouble. Only, once he was out of school, his daddy couldn't sweet talk his way out of it (not that he hadn't tried; Castiel talked quite a bit about Chuck's restless attempts, and failures, to save him) and thus the darling little angel had gotten himself quite a record.

Assault.

Harassment.

Battery.

You name it, he'd done it.

It turned out that the police didn't give a damn about what daddy Shurley had to say about his son's character.

They surely gave even less of a damn now that he was serving his sentence for embezzlement.

Lucifer was currently with him, doing a two year stint for… something.

It was hard to keep track when it came to him.

The current Lawrence Hugh's principal was Amara Shurley, Chuck's sister, because of course she was.

Nepotism for the win!

Though, from everything you'd heard, she was, so far, doing a great job. Far better than her brother ever did.

Castiel had cut all ties with his father and brother. He'd considered doing so earlier, but now that he was expecting a child, the decision came with ease.

He didn't want his child around criminals. Didn't want them to set the wrong example.

That alone told you he was going to be a great father.

The ceremony, modest as it was, was beautiful. Eileen, in her snow-white dress, looked like a princess. No — a queen, the veil a doubling as a crown. Sam was equally handsome, clad in a black suit that made him look somewhat older, more mature, a fairy tale prince come to life.

They said their vows with so much love on their faces you were one hundred percent certain they would make do on them to the letter.

Til death did them part.

There were smiles. Tears. So much joy it was overwhelming.

Meg was the lucky one who caught the bouquet, only to promptly, in a deadpan tone, say, "No," and shove it in Crowley's hands.

Crowley shoved it in Dean's, who shoved it back to him and started what was basically a struggle over the damn thing.

Not marriage material, your group.

Sam was the black sheep.

Laughter was exchanged.

Food — delicious! — eaten.

Drinks downed and refilled.

Dances had.

Aside from the newlyweds, Rowena had proven herself to be quite an attraction with her precise, professional moves. Everyone wanted to be her partner.

Not a dancer yourself, you had no problem with it.

However, after what had to be the tenth request, you considered charging people to dance with your girlfriend.

It was only fair.

The celebration extended long into the night. There was enough alcohol to keep everyone going.

The place, located in the middle of nowhere, was perfect for a party. No neighbors to complain about the noise. No busybodies sticking their nose in. Just a group of people having the fun of their lives, drunk out of their minds.

By the time you and Rowena arrived to your hotel, you were exhausted. There was more alcohol than blood in your veins. Your feet were killing you. Your throat ached from singing and shouting.

You hadn't even removed your clothes — shaking off your shoes, you plopped on the bed, curled up against each other, and drifted off to sleep.

When you woke up, Rowena was looking at you with a smile on her face. Your head pounding as if someone were whacking it with a hammer, eyes stinging, it took a bit of willpower to pull on one of your own.

"Were you watching me sleep?" Your voice was raspy, broken. You cleared your throat. Sucked in a breath.

God.

Singing had been a mistake.

Her smile melted into a smirk. She shrugged, nonchalant. Denying not a single thing. "I was just thinking."

"Should I be worried?" you teased.

"I'd hope not."

Her face grew serious.

Uh oh.

Now you definitely were worried.

Morning — a hungover one at that — was the worst possible time for serious conversations.

It wasn't a surprise, though.

Rowena prided herself in her unpredictability.

"What is it?" you asked, light draining from your face. Preparing for news that, at best, would be unpleasant, and, at worst, absolutely horrible.

"Sam and Eileen seem happy."

They did.

They were happy.

You nodded.

Rowena sighed, "Do you think we're happy?"

What was she trying to say? Heart racing, lump forming in your throat, you uttered a tad too defensively, "Do you think we're not?"

"Of course not!"

She seemed genuine, so there was that.

You allowed yourself a moment of relief. "Me, neither. I'm happy."

"As am I."

Good.

That was good.

You were on the same level.

She was silent for a few moments. Thought her words through. "I was just wondering if we should… take it a step further."

You frowned. "What do you mean?"

You had an inkling, but you wanted to hear it from her.

You wanted her to confirm it.

Rowena swallowed. "Get married."

It was as if all air had vanished from your lungs. Your throat was dry. Heart, once again, running a marathon. Hands shaking as if you were cold.

You weren't — you couldn't be — for as soon as the words left her mouth, a wave of heat flooded you, filled you up from head to toe.

Marriage wasn't on your list of priorities.

Wasn't on any of your lists, as a matter of fact.

You and Rowena loved each other — you didn't need a piece of paper to prove it.

But…

It would be a lie if you said you hadn't considered it once or twice.

What would it be like to call yourself her wife? To wear her ring; a promise in the form of shimmery gold?

"Or maybe just get engaged," she said after a few moments of uncomfortable, deafening silence. "Wear the rings."

You looked at her, eyes wide. Mouth trembling.

She gulped. Uncertain. Frightened. Nervous to the bone. "We don't have to. I was just… thinking out loud." She pulled on another smile — a fake on this time, hurt flickering over her face no matter how hard she tried to mask it. "Forget I said anything."

"No." You reached for her hand, twined your fingers with hers in a tight knot. "We could try."

She was stunned. "Really?"

"I don't see why not."

What was the worst that could happen?

You were already together. Already happy and crazy in love.

"We could try the engagement thing, see if it works," you said.

You had nothing to lose.

At this point, you could only gain.

Rowena beamed. A chuckle escaped her; lovely, happy. Adorable. "Okay!"

It was a perfect arrangement.

"I will get you a ring," she added. "Make it official."

"How about we both get rings?" you said. This was kind of a mutual proposal, after all. And also… "There's nice jewelry shops in the UK, right?"

It was her turn to be confused. "What?"

Your decision.

The one you'd been planning to relay to her.

The timing couldn't have been more perfect.

"We don't have to get engaged in USA, right?" you said. "Think about it. You, a Royal Ballerina. Me, a not-so-royal couch potato. That's a romance movie right there!"

Rowena gasped. Swallowed. Breathed in and out in attempts to contain her excitement. "You want to move to Britain?"

"That's what I'm saying, aren't I?" You grinned. Squeezed her hand. "I've been meaning to tell you. I figured now's the perfect time."

"Y/N, I…" She brought your linked hands to her mouth, kissed your knuckles. "Thank you! I just… Thank you, darling!"

You locked your lips with hers. Deepened the kiss, melted into it. Thought of millions of more you would share.

The future was yours.

All you had to do was seize it. Take it. Dig your claws in and never let go.

"Don't you forget me when you become a world-famous ballerina," you teased.

"Och, darling," she purred, "don't you know by now you're quite unforgettable?"

You chuckled. "Just making sure."

She pecked you on the mouth. "I love you."

"Me, too."

You'd loved her for five years.

You'd loved her when she was bad, and even more when she became good.

You'd loved her when she was away, and you'd loved her when she was here.

You'd loved her in your apartment.

You'd loved her in the United States.

And you would love her in the United Kingdom.

You loved her now, and you would love her in the future.

Forever.

And ever.

Til death did you part.

*****

Tags: @werewolfbarbie @oswinthestrange @songofthecagedmoose @apurdyfulmind @getthesalt-sam @metallihca @salembitchtrials @jay-eris @hellsmother @elizabeth-effie @shadowgirl-vsb @rowenaswife @wonderifshelikesroses @xfireandsin @liddell-alien @hotdiggitydammit @lae-lae @darkhumorsblog @angel7376 @cherrypierowena @ruthieconnells @evil-regal-vampiress @collectorofsecretsandsouls @angel-e-v-a @a-queen-and-her-throne @carryon-doctor-lock

[kinglegolas]

i was tagged by @romaanovas​ & @florenepugh​ (thanks harls & ashlyn! 💖) to answer the following 73 questions!

answers are under the cut x

on a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now? well there’s not really a lot going on at the moment and idk wtf i’m doing so i would say a low 5 lol

describe yourself in a hashtag? #couldbeworse

if you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be? oof chris evans i guess

if your life was a musical, what would the marquee say? idk lol

what’s one thing people don’t know about you? most people irl know this, but i donated my eggs to my cousin a couple of years ago. the kid is the spitting image of my brother lol

what’s your wake up ritual? i lay in bed for a while on my phone then i get up, use the bathroom, wash my face & brush my teeth (if it’s the weekend or i don’t have work i might even have breakfast lol) (also at the moment since i’m literally just at home all the time, i’ll shower in the morning before i brush my teeth (i’m usually a night showerer))

what’s your go to bed ritual? i might watch a tv and then spend way too long on my phone, realise i should’ve gone to sleep hours ago and then spend ages trying to fall asleep lol

what’s your favorite time of day? evening

your go to for having a good laugh? brooklyn nine nine probably

dream country to visit? i wanna go to the us (specifically florida so i can go to the wizarding world of harry potter), but i’d also love to go back to australia

what’s the biggest surprise you’ve ever had? umm i can’t think of like any times i’ve had a surprise, but i guess there was the time when i really wanted niall horan m&g tickets but missed out, then someone was selling hers and was gonna give it to me but then didn’t (thank GOD bc she ended up scamming her OWN FRIEND, bitch that could been ME getting scammed!), but then one of my friends ended up having a spare that she sold me and the seats we had were MIDDLE FRONT ROW. also it was the day after my birthday and niall wished me happy birthday and it was the best even though i was so awkward when i met him lol. does this count as a surprise even though i did have to pay her back coz i mean i didn’t expect the seats to be middle front row and also didn’t even expect to get m&g at all lol

heels or flats/sneakers? flats/sneakers, my go to is my white converse, love those lil bitches. i do think heels are gorgeous but ouch my feet

vintage or new? both!

who do you want to write your obituary? idk

style icon? zendaya probably

what are three things you cannot live without? books, internet, family

what’s one ingredient you put in everything? honestly just mixed herbs lol, depending on the dish of course

what 3 people living or dead would you want to make dinner for? chris evans, sebastian stan & harry styles

what’s your biggest fear in life? dying lol. also spiders

window or aisle seat? window

what’s your current tv obsession? terrace house

favorite app? instagram

secret talent? it’s not that secret? but i can sing ok i guess... don’t love to actually sing in front of people though lmao

most adventurous thing you’ve ever done in your life? idk, probably just going to sydney with my cousin? w/o like actual adult supervision lol

how would you define yourself in three words? sarcastic, nice, homebody

favorite piece of clothing you own? hmm, maybe this blue jumper i’m wearing rn

a must have clothing item that everyone should have? denim jacket

a superpower you would want? teleportation! imagine the places you could go and the money you would save! alternatively, general magic would be cool (hp style, then i could apparate too lol)

what’s inspiring you in life right now? uhh nothing really lol

best piece of advice you’ve received? idk

best advice you’d give your teenage self? be more confident and do more fun things

a book everyone should read? the harry potter series

what would you like to be remembered for? being a nice, good person

how do you define beauty? i think beauty is different for everyone, especially in terms of aesthetics and appearances, but there’s also inner beauty which i think comes from generally being a good person

what do you love most about your body? idk? my eyes maybe?

best way to take a rest/decompress? self-care! face masks, baths, listening to music or reading

favorite place to view art? galleries i guess

if your life was a song, what would the title be? idk lol

if you could master one instrument, what would it be? piano! i took lessons for like two terms when i was in primary school but gave up bc i though the songs i was learning were boring and basic BUT I WISH I’D JUST STUCK WITH IT! also if i could actually get better at guitar, that would be nice too

if you had a tattoo, where would it be? i already have one on my upper back but i would love for it to be changed into something else, otherwise maybe below my inner elbow?

dolphins or koalas? koalas

what’s your spirit animal? i just took some random quiz and got deer so that i guess lol

best gift you’ve ever received? my mum got me a guitar for my 15th birthday (which, by the way, was almost 10 years ago and i caNNOT believe that)

best gift you’ve given? i made two of my best friends scrapbooks about our friendships for both of their 21st birthdays

what’s your favorite board game? game of life or cards against humanity

what’s your favorite color? lilac

least favorite color? brown

diamond or pearls? diamonds

drugstore makeup or designer? bit of both

blow-dry or air-dry? both

pilates or yoga? yoga

coffee or tea? coffee but i also love tea

what’s the weirdest word in the english language? lackadaisical

dark chocolate or milk chocolate? milk chocolate babey

stairs or elevators? elevators

summer or winter? summer

you are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat? nachos!!

a dessert you don’t like? banana split. i HATE bananas

a skill you’re working on mastering? i can’t really think of anything in particular?

best thing to happen to you today? it’s like 12:30pm and i’ve not done much, but i’ll be watching prisoner of azkaban with @thewinterrsoldier​ soon so that’ll be fun 😊

worst thing to happen to you today? nothing yet lol

best compliment you’ve ever received? idk, i’m struggling to think of times i’ve been complimented tbh (i also don’t have that great of a memory tbh)

favorite smell? rain, or the smell just before it rains. or this strawberry poundcake body moisturiser i had. ooh or the raspberry body butter from the body shop lol

hugs or kisses? both

if you made a documentary, would it be about? animals or space or something lol

last piece of content you consumed that made you cry? harry potter lol

lipstick or lipgloss? lipstick

sweet or savory? sweet

girl crush? margot robbie

how do you know your in love? no idea

a song you can listen to on repeat? it’s hard to narrow it down! i’m just gonna with clean or blank space by taylor swift

if you could switch lives with someone for a day, who would it be? maybe margot robbie? just so i could see what it’s like to be THAT beautiful wow

what are you most excited for about this time in your life? figuring out what the fresh fuck to do i guess but that’s also kind of scary lol

tagging: @louvegoods @buckyperalta @damerondjarin @james-barnes @vintersoldier @vcastiel @yodababe @ctrls @tomhollandd @romanoft @astoriamalfxy + anyone else who would like to do this. also feel free to ignore! x

[breaksfastclub]

i was tagged by @vintersoldier​ to answer these questions, tysm dear!! 

1. on a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now? a solid 4 i guess

2. describe yourself in a hashtag? #uglycrying

3. if you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be? idk.. maybe with one of my fav actors from the 80s lmao

4. if your life was a musical, what would the marquee say? “just a amount of unfortunate events... and punk music”

5. what’s one thing people don’t know about you? i’m a reserved person and i never have something interesting to talk about me... but, i have a dream of form a band perhaps??

6. what’s your wake up ritual? i look at the ceiling for a while and then check my phone

7. what’s your go to bed ritual? i barely sleep, but recently i’ve been watching 70s and 80s performances of top of the pops on youtube until i fall asleep lmao

8. what’s your favorite time of day? midnight, i feel like everything is calm

9. your go to for having a good laugh? talk with my best friend

10. dream country to visit? japan, uk and italy

11. what’s the biggest surprise you’ve ever had? everytime my online friends send me gifts 

12. heels or flats/sneakers? sneakers

13. vintage or new? vintage

14. who do you want to write your obituary? never stopped to think about it

15. style icon? oh boy.... the new romantics from early 80s 

16. what are three things you cannot live without? music, my records and internet

17. what’s one ingredient you put in everything? garlic powder

18. what 3 people living or dead would you want to make dinner for? i could make a list of it aaa

19. what’s your biggest fear in life? lost people i love, never live my life at fullest and never being loved

20. window or aisle seat? window

21. what’s your current tv obsession? i don’t watch much tv

22. favorite app? tumblr

23. secret talent? i don’t have any

24. most adventurous thing you’ve ever done in your life? going to a goth club last year and dance until 4 am

25. how would you define yourself in three words? boring, quiet, sentimental

26. favorite piece of clothing you own? my t shirt with stars on it

27. a must have clothing item that everyone should have? leather jacket

28. a superpower you would want? uhh.. maybe be invisible

29. what’s inspiring you in life right now? music.. again lmao

30. best piece of advice you’ve received? “everything happens for a reason”, idk if it counts but yeah

31. best advice you’d give your teenage self? go to therapy asshole, stop keeping everything to you

32. a book everyone should read? ehhhhhh idk

33. what would you like to be remembered for? maybe for being a person with genuine feelings and for being honest 

34. how do you define beauty? beauty is like something that fills you with wonder and a sense of life or something

35. what do you love most about your body? just my hair, i’m not a big fan of my body

36. best way to take a rest/decompress? listen to your fave songs, watch your fave movie, talk with people who understand you

37. favorite place to view art? a museum

38. if your life was a song, what would the title be? “can’t find my way home”

39. if you could master one instrument, what would it be? bass!!

40. if you had a tattoo, where would it be? something related to one of my fave bands

41. dolphins or koalas? both!!

42. what’s your spirit animal? i think a owl applies to me lmao

43. best gift you’ve ever received? my record player

44. best gift you’ve given? last year in my best friend’s birthday i sent to her some polaroids of when we met each other in person!! she said that was the best gift she ever received and i believe her

45. what’s your favorite board game? don’t have one

46. what’s your favorite color? red

47. least favorite color? brown or pink idk

48. diamond or pearls? pearls

49. drugstore makeup or designer? both

50. blow-dry or air-dry? air dry

51. pilates or yoga? neither 

52. coffee or tea? tea

53. what’s the weirdest word in the english language? bruh all of them 

54. dark chocolate or milk chocolate? milk chocolate

55. stairs or elevators? elevators

56. summer or winter? winter

57. you are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat? chocolate cake

58. a dessert you don’t like? anything that contains banana

59. a skill you’re working on mastering? graphic design and makeup

60. best thing to happen to you today? i woke up

61. worst thing to happen to you today? i woke up

62. best compliment you’ve ever received? idk i don’t care for it much

63. favorite smell? cake, records, red roses

64. hugs or kisses? hugs 

65. if you made a documentary, would it be about? something about trad goth/punk scene and black people in these subcultures

66. last piece of content you consumed that made you cry? my “inner self” playlist

67. lipstick or lipgloss? lipstick

68. sweet or savory? sweet

69. girl crush? debbie harry, molly ringwald and kate bush

70. how do you know your in love? i think of the certain person all the time, i daydream of our first date and start to say that i hate them ironically lmao

71. a song you can listen to on repeat? blackout by david bowie or digital by joy division

72. if you could switch lives with someone for a day, who would it be? with some talented rockstar

73. what are you most excited for about this time in your life? maybe keep studying music and then art 

i won’t tag anyone but thank you again 💞.

[bloodline-rpg]

Congratulations, Bigby! We have accepted your application for your OC, Tyler Orville (FC  Dane Dehaan) Please create a new blog (not a sideblog) for your character and send us the link via ask box as soon as you can. Along with your link, please let us know what lyric you’d like for us to use for Tyler in his bio if you do not wish to use the one on the skeleton. Welcome to Bloodline!

OUT OF CHARACTER

Name/Alias: Bigby

Age: Twenty-Six (twenty-seven as of jan 26, 2020!).

Preferred pronouns: they/them

Timezone: est

Level of activity (don’t give your activity a number value, please describe how active you will be as best as possible): I work full-time midnight shifts from 11:30pm - 7:30 am. I am gone from the house from 10:30 pm until 8:30 am. I do not get online in my “mornings” but after work I’m usually on for a couple hours before bed. This is/would be my only rp group so I can devote my free time and attention to it outside of regular adult responsibilities. That being said, I do have regular access to tumblr IM and discord while away for plotting and keeping in touch/up to date.

CHARACTER DETAILS

(The Resurrected skeleton).

Character’s Name: Tyler Orville

Desired FC: Dane Dehaan

Character’s Age: Twenty-Seven

Character’s Species: Immortal Witch

Character’s Sexuality: Bisexual

CHARACTER BIOGRAPHY

Tyler lived a fractured childhood. Fragmented moments glimpsed of a possibility, at something forever out of reach. He was born sick. Sick in an ever changing way, as if the unnamed disease that ravaged his body was more than such, as if the very illness were alive. He was their first child born following two miscarriages, two elder siblings he’d never know and he couldn’t help but think bitterly that whatever awful thing nested within his being had been the root cause of their deaths.

Francine Calhoun, his mother came from a long, long line of original witches; the kind of old blood that prided themselves on their lineage so much so that inbreeding had been commonplace in generation’s past. Her courtship and subsequent marriage the kind of witch that barely qualified as a witch. The kind of witch, that if it were a mere man and nothing more; would only go to church on Easter and Christmas and call themselves a devout Christian.  In fact, Teddy Orville hadn’t been much of a witch for the last several years; a decade even, outside of the odd potion infused tea to help during the university crunch before exams anyway.

Much of Tyler’s life was spent in hospitals. Moved from one doctor’s appointment to the next; a seemingly endless stream of doctors approaching his case with first fresh faced enthusiasm and big dreams of curing the incurable before frustration, disappointment, shame…no tests they ran produced conclusive results. Were they absolutely certain it was not environmental? Were they certain it wasn’t all just in his head? What a wicked thing to ask a boy of barely nine years, far too small and too many sharp edges, sunken eyes and blood stained lips.

His parents refused to give up.

Isolated from their magical foundations (your child’s illness, your child’s pain and suffering, your damned spawn’s death is what you deserve for allowing your body, your womb, to be tainted with such a lesser man’s seed) Francine struggled to cope, struggled to combat the evil plaguing her son’s body with her magical abilities coupled with modern medicine. For the time being, Tyler was alive even if that was touch and go; would it not be kinder to let him pass? To let him go?

He drifted from palliative care back to intensive, back to long term; his education was sporadic at best. Not once did he set foot in an actual school and he longed for a life outside these walls; to be like the children he watched on television or read about in his books. He longed for some greater being to come and purge him of this wicked illness in his breast and though his parents struggled to provide him with a life; he wasn’t living, was barely surviving the day: rinse and repeat.

His life changed when he received a clunky laptop at thirteen, it allowed him an unheard of outlet to the world in forums, in chat rooms, through games. He could be anybody. Anyone but himself. And maybe in the beginning he fell in love with that anonymity. He was no longer the sad little sick boy, he could be a regular boy doing regular boy things like going to school, playing sports, and hanging out with his friends. Friends. He began to make those too.  That was new. He’d never had friends that weren’t the nursing staff in the unit he stayed at or the PSWs that came to his home when he was enjoying one of his rare “good” streaks (they never lasted).

There were other children in the pediatric wards of course, but they were never the long term kind of patients. Not like him. There were the odd handful that stayed for a couple months, and some even a couple years but…their endings were not happy ones.

Technology improved with time, not just with his laptop but with medicine. With such improvements came new hope. And new disappointment. Funny that, he thought he’d long been accustomed to the bitter taste. As he got older, his good streaks became less and time spent within the gently titled comfort of his own home became sparse until it became nonexistent. By this point in time, the knowledge of witches had become common; and some younger, braver, perhaps even brasher doctors went against the norm to seek help out in these communities but came up empty handed.

His parents were drowning in debt, in sorrow and their exhaustion showed. Tyler almost wished they hated him. Wished they’d move on. Try again with another baby, a healthy baby. Do it right this time, since he was nothing but wrong.

He’s so young. The staff whispered, pity, sorrow heavy; had been whispering since he was in the single digits. Tyler would be forever young despite being closer to thirty than twenty. His activity in his group chat dropped to an all time low, his oldest friends feared the worst.

And he discovered something unheard of.

It was the kind of discovery one could only stumble upon in the places on the internet that no one should go. Where only those with wicked intent did linger. Immortality. It seemed too good to be true, some old wives tale; some fantasy story straight out of the games he played with his friends (less and less so these days).

Only it was real.

And it was obtainable.

A cure.

I’m a real boy.

Talking about being forever young had never rung so true, the doctor’s were baffled. His family was torn between horror and gratitude. He stood in the hospital garden, barefoot with dirt between his toes (and the odd cigarette butt or two but that’s less romantic) and simply basked in the sun. It was as close to a religious experience as he’d ever experienced, and he’d spent a lot of time praying to an uncaring God over the years. Begging. Pleading. Cursing.

He sent a letter written in a terribly untidy scrawl to Carden Manor requesting the chance to relocate. To discover the culture he’d never had the chance to experience, of witches and wolves and perhaps others like him. After all, it was the only community of their people he could name and maybe he was still on the tail-end of euphoria that had him wanting to throw himself into the deep end so to speak.

Maybe there was something darker there, something darker that festered close to pain towards his parents. Resentment. Anger. They claimed to have exhausted all means but what of this? “It’s something born of the darkest of magic Tyler please…” had it been a line they were unwilling to cross? Had they known about it all along but their morals had them unable to act?  This was an old magic, this wonderful beautiful thing that had been a boon to his ravaged body. This thing that had given him a new lease on life, was to him far more a blessing than any kind of curse. Already accustomed to the taste of (his own) blood on his tongue, the need to consume such a thing to survive was such that he didn’t even bat an eye.

Anger. It simmered, boiled toward all consuming and dark. Terribly, terribly dark. A want for violence, to let his hands hook into claws and act out such emotions; revenge? He wasn’t sure. Though, Tyler was absolutely sure of one thing: he wanted away from them.

Moving to the manor was the second best thing to ever happen to him and he’s all too eager to dive into a life he never thought he’d get the chance to have.

To live.

CHARACTER PERSONALITY

It’s almost painfully obvious that Tyler’s social skills are lacking. Limited socialization during his formative years has left its mark. The bulk of his ability to interact with his peers is stilted and awkward, he can come off as blunt, flat, and even cruel. Withdrawn as though secretive (and he is hiding something, hiding who and what he used to be before his immortality) he comes off as standoffish and every bit some kind of “edgy loner kid” persona. Though he is most comfortable when alone or in front of a keyboard, residing at the manor demands that he evolve past this. As does his new lease on life. He’s trying.

Incredibly self-motivated, Tyler is almost too eager to learn more of the supernatural world to which he’s been removed from for so long. His own magical talent, lacking largely in part due to a lack of proper training. His parents, understandably, had been much too focused on his ailing health. He has a truly impressive repertoire for potions and enchantments; the kinds of witch’s work one can learn from a tome but has very little hands on experience. His frustration for his…otherness that still remains is palpable. As though he hasn’t really changed. And due to such a state, he tends to lash out at his peers which does little to earn him any friends.

He’s used to not having friends, even if he finds himself frustrated with his inability to adapt in this regard. It’s a lot more difficult than he anticipated to reshape himself into somebody, a new and improved version of Tyler Orville.

Some parts of his original self remains, a quiet thoughtfulness, an impossible patience at odds with his frustration, and an optimism he tries to keep buried deep down for fear of coming off over eager and annoying.

PLOTS AND POLITICS

Presently, Tyler stands fairly neutral on the in game political spectrum due largely in part to his inexperience. His outsider status borders on some sort of isolation; which in a way, speaks the truth. He was woefully isolated from his people and hardly had it in him to follow the news much outside of the big events. Like the world discovery their kind in 2016, he saw that; read about it. His friends in the group chat talked about it. A lot. He and his best friend, Alex, fretted in a private chat about the repercussions of such a thing.

He’s not too overly keen on the servitude aspect of other species, finds it rather barbaric if he’s being honest but is well aware of the delicate line he walks here. Outsider. He’s the son of a marrying of a strong bloodline into a weak one, he never once met his Mother’s family and knows nothing of their history. Of their possible feuds. His Father’s family could never hope to hold a torch to such greatness. Tyler straddles the line between a somebody and a nobody.

In this, he could potentially be shaped into a supported of any party with the right guidance. He has power given his immortal status and his bloodline is strong, if watered down some with his Father’s genetics. He could prove to be a promising ally to any party should they wish to court him so.

As far as plots go, I want to explore him well, exploring life in person instead of looking on from the outside in. I want him to interact with his peers from wildly different walks of life and learn more about the world. The world, his world that had been so very small has suddenly exploded into something so grand.

I also have a potential wanted connection for him to offer, in the form of his best friend Alex (who can be played male, female, or non-binary) who is also a supernatural (species up to the potential other mun) and they met playing an unnamed fantasy mmorpg. Alex brought Tyler into their group of friends and they’ve been Tyler’s main friend group ever since. Tyler has gone radio silent before, but this is something new altogether. It’s like he’s dropped off the face of the Earth and Alex fears the worst. What exactly brings Alex to the manor would be 100% up to the other mun but a reunion would absolutely be required and their future interactions and relationship is anyone’s guess!

[danileepsychpost-blog]

Is the internet making us more social or less social? I really can’t tell anymore.

Why do people reach out to strangers online?

 As we delve deeper into the topic of social media, we have to acknowledge the fact that there are many positive aspects that come along with it.  One of these positive qualities is it can create a sense of belonging among users who may struggle to make connections in the outside world, or otherwise.   Many Millennials got their first taste of this when the website Myspace.com was created as well as messenger apps like AOL and MSN.  All of a sudden people we could have never made contact with were seemingly right in front of us and within reach.  We could instantly keep up with friends who moved away or family that is overseas. For me personally, it was when I began to realize the type of music I like and the style of dress that I wanted to participate in.  Many teens go through a faze of life where they think nobody understands them.  The world is against them and they isn’t anyone else in the world who could possibly understand.  I know I felt that way and I didn’t want to wear the same thing as everyone else or listen to the same music, I wanted something different.  So I searched the internet and I found what I was looking for.  Apparently no one told me how huge the “scene” and “emo” trend really was back in 2005 because I really thought I had found my tiny community online and shared it with my small group in real life as well. This group was so desirable to me because the people in my real life weren’t interesting enough for me.  I thought that I knew it all and everyone around me was just old and didn’t get it.  So I hopped online (along with millions of other misunderstood teens) and found something special that helped create the person I am today.  

Below is what I desperately wanted to look like because it resembled all my online friends I had and I wanted to be just like them.  

I think I took hundereds of photos like this one on my flip phone when I was 15.

Homophily

The concept of homophily is a word that describes individuals who share the same interests and bond.  They tend to stay together and continually support one another attracting others with the same mentality.  (Capella, n.d.)  The concept is an old one and can be seen in real life places all the times.  For example religion and politics, as we have seen sometimes when people refuse to accept another group’s point of view or sees it as a direct threat of their own beliefs there can be some negative consequences.  (Scheinbaum, 2017)  The internet brings people together in a positive way all the time but unfortunately many times groups following a certain belief can want to bring their ideas into the real world.  For example, at the moment the main social media I use daily is YouTube.com and there is a current extreme situation happening currently involving one of their long time content creators.  Many people like myself watch Youtube to find others lives to watch and feel like we are in some way a part of their world, everyday for ten minutes.  You look forward to that ten minutes and start to feel like you know that creator well enough to reach out to them and send a message.  That is what many young teenage girls did with “Onision” aka Gregory “James” Jackson who has been on Youtube for the last decade getting away with heinous stuff on the regular.   He would engage with a lot of his fans and even eventually having serous relationships with underage women along with many other questionable things. If he decided that the woman he was with wasn’t submitting to his requests he would send his followers after them, make videos detailing personal information about them, etc.  Luckily, homophily isn’t always a negative group or movement and the concept can be useful for many who don’t feel wanted or included in their daily lives. 

Platform Algorithms

When I use Youtube, I make sure that I constantly “like” and comment on the videos I find most interesting so that their algorithm can show more people find this video interesting and suggest videos similar to it for me in the future.   When I decide to “Subscribe” to someone’s channel the website will alert me to their uploads and posts as well as suggest other creators that I might want to follow.  I like it way better than Instagram because I find it much more interactive and it entertains you for a much longer time. Most website use algorithms similar to Youtube’s. The only difference is that Youtube’s algorithm has been known to be homophobic and favors mainstream media before the independent creators that most of us are looking for.

 If you have a lot of social anxiety or are just not able to leave your home for any reason, physical or mental, the internet allows you to temporarily escape into a world where you can really be whoever you’d like to be.  This can help people feel less alone, connect with a partner they wouldn’t normally have met, give them purpose and the feeling of being “apart of” something bigger.  These types of things are so much more important to our mental stability than we really realize.  (Kim, Wang, & Oh, 2016) Studies show that it’s especially important for young adults/teens to fit in and find their “tribe” if not then they can begin to isolate and turn inwards. The internet can provide support and understanding for those who may desperately need it, and without any of the stigmas of the physical world someone can truly be honest with another stranger across the planet.  (Kim, Wang, & Oh, 2016)  There’s nothing holding you back from being the person you’ve always wanted to be and think you deserve to be.  You can experiment with ideas, music, politics, sexuality, gender, anything at all the possibilities are endless. 

Resources:

Close Scheinbaum, A. (Ed.).(2017). The Dark Side of Social media: A consumer psychology perspective. New York, NY: Routledge.

Kim, Y., Wang, Y., &  Oh, J. (2016) Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking .264-269 https://doi-org.library.capella.edu/10.1089/cyber.2015.0408

[hazzabeeforlou]

11 questions

Yes I did this a bit ago but @helloamhere (thank you, ily, have fun bussing around Europe, did that once, had to follow apple maps to know where to get off ‘cause I speak ZERO German...) tagged me and I’m an anxious mess waiting for medical news today so WHY NOT! 

Rules: answer 11 questions then pose 11 of your own. 

1. What do you think fanfic does better than published fiction (if anything?) 

Okay obvious answer and not very high brow, but SMUT. You will not see me perusing the gay aisles of Barnes and Noble romance novels :) For various reasons :) 

2. What do you think it does worse

I think (maybe it’s just this fandom) overall it’s quite a bit more sanitary than novels, both in morality and subject matter. I hate to think what the purity police would say about some of the books I’ve read... especially the old ones? But then I usually come here looking for fluff and happiness too so perhaps that’s just the major draw of fanfic, idk. 

3. What’s something another fandom has or does that you wish your fandom had or did?

To be honest I’m not well versed in other fandoms, but I’m going to go with I wish this fandom didn’t have constant infighting. Seriously in all my born days I have never seen a group of people claim such a similar goal and yet devour each other so viciously. Hence I usually avoid anything incredibly explosive or triggering here; I deal with and confront radical people (religious extremists, right wing extremists) in my everyday life and I cannot bring myself to turn my escapism into that same vortex of endless arguing, though I appreciate and support those who fight the fight. I often have very sharp opinions and fall to one side or the other of the fault line, but I draw a personal boundary at a point. 

4. Do you consider yourself a “fandom” type of person in general, or committed to only one, and if so, tell me more about what this means to you.

I have been a HUGE fandom person my entire life, though this is the first time I’ve ever been in a community for it. Star Wars and Narnia consumed most of my adolescence, along with Lord of the Rings. I briefly dabbled in Dr. Who and Merlin (as one does) but because I didn't read HP until nearly the end of college, I kindof missed out on that one. Basically anything geeky or fantasy driven I have always loved, and I can’t really explain how I ended up here? But this is the only fandom I’m active in socially. The power of HL I guess... 

5. I’m trying to get through writing a first draft right now and it’s a slog. How do you stay motivated for long projects, writing or otherwise? 

Ah. A call out question! Like any good Aries, I love starting new things! And then letting them to languish unfinished. I have, however, trained in classical music, and thus I’ve programmed myself to just keep doing the thing because pieces take months and months and months to perfect and if you can’t stick with a project, you go nowhere. I also operate on a reward system, as in writing is the reward for practicing, then when I’m sick of words I go back to music, and so the turn tables. I have learned to ignore (I’m great at ostrich-ing) the crushing self doubt of creativity and just bulldoze ahead and do the thing, which results in very messy first drafts and often bad habits in my musical technique and a tendency to overplay, which wastes energy, but rehearsals wait for no one. I also thrive on last minute deadlines! 

6. Tell me about what you read as a kid. Favorite book? Or if you weren’t into reading then, favorite TV show, etc? 

I HAVE SO MANY. Narnia was my first love. I also adored George MacDonald (At The Back of the North Wind is a fucking masterpiece). My mom hardly let me read Redwall (see: hints of magic) but when she caved I devoured all of those. Anne of Green Gables. American Girl stuff (lots of it, yes Josefina and Kaya were my faves). I read far too many Star Wars expanded universe novels (New Jedi Order  shaped me as a person, esp Traitor). I remember reading all the Eragon series, though these were dubiously approved... and I read various classics, as one is supposed to. In high school I printed out the entire Beowulf in Old English, got a CD of a dude reading it, and proceeded to memorize the first several lines. I can still recite Anglo Saxon but I have no clue what it means (see: I’m a good mimic). Everything non-Christian-magic-related I read during or after college, sigh. 

7. Have your tastes changed?

This sounds bad but not really. I rarely read non fiction, oops. Biographies are a slog for me. I dislike historical fiction and I don’t have a good reason for that. I do love a good mystery, but usually not in book form (audio or visual Agatha Christie is my mana). I do adore socio-policial books, though (The Better Angels of our Nature a good example) or books doing a deep dive into a historical topic. These days I enjoy a good satire more than much else, and since I started on Terry Pratchett in 2016 I haven’t looked back. 

8. I’ll steal your question above--tell me about a fic that changed you, or became a “touchstone” fic that you go back to!!

I didn’t read fics period when I entered the fandom, and stubbornly maintained that for a while, but the fic that changed my mind was (Take Me Home) Country Roads by @a-writerwrites (Awriterwrites). I read it during a drive through the very parts of the USA it’s set in, and I couldn’t put it down, spotty internet be damned. From there @horsegirlharry birthed me into the gay 1D world, though I can’t for the life of me remember which of hers I first read! (Does it matter? They’re all so beautiful...) 

9. Tell me about a WIP, if applicable. How’s it going?? It sounds great. 

I’m plodding along on The Garden, it’s going well, but urgency isn’t a priority. It’s going to be one of those things that I finish and then go in and make matter because right now my ideas are half formed and I know I’ll eventually know where I’m going but it’s a case of blind trust in instinct at this point! 

10. What’s your favorite place to read and sitting position?

Like a true gay I cannot sit normally in a chair, coupled with my pain issues means I’m usually draped over the back of something with a cushy lumbar support, massive pillow, or propped sideways lying down. I love reading outside, but have a tendency to attract bugs, also I’m very light sensitive so my eyes hate the sun, especially if I’m reading from a screen. 

11. Do you feel like fic reading and writing is social for you? E.g. do you share with friends (in or outside of fandom), or are you a lone wolf seeking out your fics in the dead of night??

I LOVE the social aspect of fic reading and writing within fandom! I have shared PITS with only two real life friends though; I am very tight lipped about the fact that I write fic. People are cruel and musicians are judgmental arseholes and if I prefer to spend my days dreaming up love stories for my OTP instead of pouring over scores, that’s my fucking business. 

Alright, 11 from me (I wanted to include artists too so!!): 

1. Are you a start small-work larger type creator, or map everything out then attend to detail?

2. What style of art/writing has most influenced your creative choices? (Genre, time period, muse)

3. How long have you been writing/arting? Is this something you knew you’d do your whole life?

4. What is your favorite thing about creating for your fandom? (reception, excitement, newness, etc.) 

5. Have you met any recent creative goals that you’re really proud of? 

6. What is your creative baby; what work do you want stamped on your proverbial gravestone as I MADE THIS (or have you made it yet?)

7. Do outside forces (politics, culture, hegemonies) play into your creations? Do you intentionally or subconsciously subvert norms or explore ideas?

8. Your creative mind is a garden. Describe what kind it would be and what it would contain (i.e. rock garden, palace garden, wildflowers, rose... etc.) 

9. Do you believe that creative art has power and if so, how do you hope yours impacts others? 

10. I’m double stealing this question: what’s a fic or fan art that changed your life or was a touchstone for you?

11. If you could pick any hero of yours to read/look at your creations, who would it be and why?

TOTALLY only if you want to, but @13ways-of-looking @twopoppies @alienfuckeronmain @prettytruthsandlies @pattern-pals @newleafover @disgruntledkittenface @lesbianiconharrystyles @lululawrence

[littlemisskookie]

The Runaways: 06

The Runaways: 01 02 03 04 05 06 Ship: Nerd!Namjoon | BadGirl!Reader Description: From the moment you saved Namjoon, you had him hooked. But the question is- are you worth all of the trouble you bring? Warnings: Triggering, Death, Violence, Dark Themes, Suicidal Tendencies Hinted At, Indicated Self Harm Word Count: 3,577 A/N: Last chapter! The ending I’ve been waiting for! Wahhhh!

"The lie detector doesn't appear to be... er... lying," the officer gulped, staring at the results. Officer Seokjin and Jimin stood before him. They had turned in the possible-cannibal for questioning to the closest police station, they held the man in custody there for the entire night. Of course, it took some explaining towards the police of the town, who were rather reluctant to take him in. Though once he was admitted briefly to the hospital for drug testing, which came in positive for various substances, they were more ready to take him in for further interrogation.

After a lie detector test asking simple questions, they began the one on one interrogation. The man came breaking down, a nervous wreck. Apparently, he and a few others had done a lot of drugs and such and eventually got into the dark web. The dark web was a hidden layer of the internet where the cruelest and sickest parts of humanity were shown.

The man spoke of various horrors he and the others had seen on the site. From infants having each limb tied to the backs of cars before they all drove off in different directions, to sites listing extremely detailed descriptions of ways to cook and prepare a female body for consumption.

One of the men in the group was inspired by a serial killer he had done research on, by the name of Albert Fish. Apparently, he was a notorious cannibal who kidnapped, raped and ate children. Another of their friends said a cousin of his had to go to a country that was lacking in food, and so they ate others to survive, and the cousin developed a craving for it. Curiosity consumed some, and pure maliciousness others. They collectively decided to try it out and found a man by the name of Min Yoongi who sold various body parts and prepared them, so long as the customers were willing to pay and visit the small town he resided to.

They had continued business with the man for many months. They never asked questions, like who were the people they ate, or how he got the body. They just knew what they needed to. Each other's name and the cost.

At some point, the man described the consumptions in such graphic detail that Officer Jimin had to run out of the room to vomit. The other officers in the station were absolutely mortified, shocked that something like this could be taking place in such a small town. Nothing ever happened here. Or so they thought.

A day had passed, and they were already filling a warrant for just in case to invade Yoongi's home. The police granted the two visiting officers access to the case since they found the cannibal and such.  

"What brings you two here anyway?" the man questioned, staring up at the two.

"We're looking for two college students- one's missing, and another's reported to visit here," Jin says, seeing how Jimin already gets the folded pieces of paper from his pocket. He had already forgotten all about the case they were originally pursuing, having decided this was a much more serious matter. But they could always continue the pursuit of the two young adults at a later time. Right after they get behind this cannibalism case.

Jimin slides the crumpled posters towards the man, the two bright, smiling faces staring at him. The man picked them up, humming to himself.

"I've seen the girl around alright," he grunts. "Dunno much about her, but a pretty face like that isn't something you see often here. But now that I think about it..." He ducks underneath his desk and the sounds of zippers becoming undone are heard before he pulls up a laptop, tapping away at the keys. He turns it around to face the two officers.

On the page, he had pulled up the Instagram for Min Yoongi. It seemed like an ordinary page, but considering the fact they recently found out he sold human body parts to cannibals on the dark web gave it a sinister underlying tone. "I've seen her with him once or twice."

Jin pulled it closer, sitting down on the chair in front of the desk. "Say... Jimin, isn't this one of the guys we talked to at that bar? When we were asking about the kids?"

"You talked to him, I didn't," Jimin spoke. "Wait... that guy? That's the man who's behind the monstrosities of this town?"

"I would've never guessed," the officer at the desk spoke solemnly. "Sure, he looks intimidating... but... No one would've guessed. I've spoken with him. Even I know him. Everyone knows each other here."

"What could that girl have to do with Yoongi, though?" Jimin questioned. "It doesn't make sense... You don't think she's involved, do you?"

"I don't know what to believe anymore," Jin muttered, gritting his teeth. "But maybe these two cases are more intertwined than we could've suspected."

"I'll give you the man's address. Do you want backup? You may need it. We don't know how dangerous this man is," the officer suggested.

"I think we'll be fine. We're both armed, and we don't want to bring too many people. That'd give him a heads up. Two officers should be enough, though we'll let you know if we need backup," Jin said, his tone stony as he closed the laptop. "Thank you for your help."

"I'd say anytime... but I hope an incident like this never happens again near our town," the man confessed. "I wish you two luck."

"We'll bring him here once he's arrested," Jin promised, arising from his seat. He looked towards Jimin, his eyes failing to mask the dread he was feeling. It was time to catch a maniac.

This was it. The house of Min Yoongi. Jimin found himself turning back each moment, his heart pounding so loudly he could hear it. What did he expect? A man with looming eyes to prowl behind him and grab him the moment he wasn't looking? To cut him up in pieces and cook him like the witches he only knew of in fairy tales? It was his first case, and already he was dragged so deep into a hell hole he couldn't even attempt to crawl out. It was just a missing case for a runaway, and now they were about to confront a businessman for cannibals. What a turn.

Seokjin, on the other hand, found his hand always hovering over his gun, ready to yank it out and shoot whoever was to stand in his way. He couldn't do that, though, no matter how much the person deserved it. He was only to use that in self-defense.

He rang the doorbell. No response. He rang it again a few times, and then pounded his fist against the door.

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" a voice grumbled from the other side of the door. There was a click of the door being unlocked, and Jimin felt himself shaking in his boots. He was already so intimidated, and he wasn't even face to face with the man yet.

The door opened but an inch, a chain preventing the door from being opened up all the way. An eye peered through the crack to glare at the two officers. "What do you need?" he rasped.

Jin held up the warrant, waving the paper in front of the eye. "We've got a warrant. Let us in. We can do this the easy way or the hard way."

Yoongi was silent for a few moments, reading the warrant. He clicked his tongue, sighing to himself. "Not sure what you'd want from here, there's nothing particularly interesting. But alright, just give me a minute." He closed the door, and there was silence.

Jin tapped his foot, finding himself anxious. Jimin was eerily quiet, finding himself fidgeting. Finally, after a minute or two, there was a rattle of the chain coming undone, and the door was swung open to reveal Min Yoongi pointing a gun at the officers.

He shot, both hands holding the gun up as the barrel was aimed at Jin. The bullet hit him in the shoulder, and he fell down, crouching due to pain. Yoongi had fired again but missed. As he lowered his gun he closed a single eye, trying to aim at Jin's head. Jimin, however, had whipped out his own gun to shoot at Yoongi, hitting him square in the chest. He didn't stop, though, shooting four bullets at once, all of them hitting the man in the chest. Yoongi staggered back, dropping his gun as it clattered to the floor. Finally, he fell back, his own blood pooling around him.

The two were frozen, and Jimin was in a state of shock. "Is... Is he dead?" he whispered.

"He'll be dead within one to three minutes, you hit near or at the heart, and probably some major arteries. He'll bleed out quickly," Jin hissed, pressing against his shoulder. "Jesus fuck!"

"Oh my god, we've got to get you to a hospital," Jimin said, staring at the wound as blood stained the elder man's sleeve.

"No time right now. Get the first aid kit from the car, and I'll take care of it myself. You go investigate the house," Jin ordered. "I'll call some more officers here."

"Go inside? By myself?" Jimin gulped.

"You're not scared, are you?" Jin grumbled.

"No... I'm not," Jimin said, trying to pull a brave face. He rushed to the car, trying not to waste valuable minutes as he brought the kit to the officer, who was already working on bringing more officers there. Slowly and steadily, though shakily as well, Jimin stepped over the dying body of Yoongi, making note to turn the gun on safety and kick it back as far as he could from the body. He had seen too many horror movies to leave it just lying right next to a killer. Though he supposed he was a killer as well now.

The house was ordinary. It looked normal. Perhaps that was the scariest part of it all. It wasn't dimly lit, and it wasn't splattered with blood. It was rather tiny, though. Jimin ventured further inside the house, opening doors. There was no upstairs, nor was there a basement. It wasn't until he stepped into the garage that he found what he supposed was the 'lair' of Yoongi's misdoings.

A table of tools was in the center, and blood was splattered. Goggles, gloves, and an apron were hung up neatly on the wall, and cleaning supplies were underneath the table. On top of the table was a big bag. Jimin's stomach churned as he thought of what could possibly be inside, and he held his gun out in front of it, taking shaky steps towards it.

He undid the zipper, and the first thing he saw was a hand wrapped tightly in plastic. His heart stopped, his eyes wide and fingers trembling. Slowly he unzipped the rest of the bag, revealing pieces of body parts, many of them wrapped in plastic. Save for one part.

"Jimin? Did you find it?" Jimin heard the footsteps of Jin as he stepped forward. "Where are you?"

"The garage," Jimin called out, his voice tight. He did his best not to vomit, but he found himself continuously gagging at the sight. "I-I found the boy."

"...what do you mean?" Jin questioned, stepping into the garage. He came across the sight of Jimin holding up the head of Kim Namjoon, the head detached from the body, and the cold, dead eyes giving a blank stare towards the officer.

You leaned against the car, a cigarette dangling from your fingertips. You had left the night before, not getting a wink of sleep. You were afraid to so much as blink, knowing the moment you closed your eyes, his would be looking right back at you.

You were on campus grounds. You didn't know where else to be, really. What now? You should've called Hoseok already. His number was burning a hole in your pocket. How Yoongi found these professional criminals on the dark web was beyond you. But he was your last hope. You knew you should be breaking your mom out of jail now. You had the minimum you needed to pay Jung Hoseok. Why were you stalling?

You felt broken. You looked out at the world in front of you. It was all grey. Just like you. What was the meaning of life? Of anything? What was the meaning of walking across the earth if eventually everyone would be dead and forgotten? Everything amounted to nothing. Nothing mattered.

But who were you to give a damn?

Your gaze was glazed over, and you simply kept on puffing on your cigarette, letting the smoke drift from your lips to billow out in front of you. The scent was comforting to you. Maybe it was that or the fact you were killing yourself slowly, letting your lungs burn to the same black color as your heart.

Silently, you climbed back into your car, locking the doors and rummaging through your bag. The knife was still dirty, but this was the only part of him you'd get to keep with you. His blood was still smeared across the blade. You hadn't bothered to clean it.

You held it up, pointing the tip at your jugular. You took in a deep breath, closing your eyes as you pulled it back away from you. No, you weren't good enough for that. Slowly you aimed it higher, the tip now pointing up at your eye, staring right back at you. Yes, this is what you deserved. You pulled it back, about to stab it in as accurately as you could into your pupil when-

"Y/N!" a muffled cry says. You drop the knife quickly, kicking it back to let it slip beneath the seat. You turn back, seeing a man running towards your car from behind. He was cute, with bangs and tan skin. He runs to your window, tapping against it. "Hi, Y/N? I've been trying to find you! Luckily I saw your car, but you haven't been on campus in days! I'm glad I ran into you. But I guess it's not running into you if I was searching for you, huh? Well, I'm not the only one, but I'm Taehyung!"

You give him a questioning look and roll down your window. "Yes?"

"You know my friend Namjoon, right?" Taehyung asks you. "He's been gone for a few days, and the police are looking for him. I figured you may know where he was- well, you're my best lead anyway."

"Am I?" you questioned, your voice soft. "Why do you think I know where he is?"

"Well from what I know, he likes you a lot it seems," Taehyung chuckled. "Don't let him know I said that, though. He'd kill me. But I'm sure you already know that. Anyways, I'm his friend, and I've been kind of worried about him. His mom is bonkers, but I'm uneasy, you know?"

"Yeah, I get what you mean," you nodded along. "Well, yes, I know him. He and I went on a trip together."

"Oh? Really? Where?" Taehyung asks, leaning over. "Do you know where he is now?"

"Yeah. I just took him to a town- he liked it so much he decided to stay for a while, though," you mention, shrugging. "It's not that far from here, though. I guess he didn't think of it as a big deal, so he didn't contact you."

"Huh, that's unlike him," Taehyung murmured. "Guess he's really into the town."

You let out a fake laugh, "I guess so. Anyways, I promised him I'd return soon, I just had to get stuff here. I've already run errands and such."

"Oh, well, if you don't mind, do you think you could take me to him?" Taehyung asks you. "You said it wasn't far. I don't mean to intrude or be rude or anything, but I'd really like to see my hyung again. I'm worried, and I think I'd feel better if I saw him face to face again, you know?"

You thought about it for a moment. You know... it wouldn't hurt to give Hoseok a bit of extra money. To ensure he'd break your mom out, of course.

You gave Taehyung a smile, pressing the button to unlock the door. "Climb in then. I'll fill you in on my journey with him. You've got a very special friend."

"I know, but sometimes I don't think he sees himself that way," Taehyung chuckles. "Wait a minute- right now?"

"Why not?" You smile, not showing your teeth, your lips pressed tightly together. "I said it wasn't far, didn't I? Trust me, it won't take long. Time flies when you're having fun, right?"

"I probably shouldn't get in a car with a stranger, or someone I'm not familiar with," Taehyung mumbles. "But if Namjoon-hyung went with you, that must mean you're trustworthy. Alright, to hell with it. Let's go!"

He runs around the car to climb into the passenger seat. He's so energetic and excited, he reminded you of a puppy. Your eyes scanned his proportions. He seemed reasonably fit, though not bulky or anything. He was a standard muscular. Yoongi would like him, he'd do well. You were sure customers would approve.

You didn't feel guilt. You didn't feel sorrow. You felt nothing. You felt empty. You were simply a shell of your former self, if even that.

And with that, you pulled out of the parking lot.

Jin and Jimin were once again in the car, knowing full and well that other officers were in town continuing the case, examining the two bodies and the garage that probably took more lives than they could know of.

Silence hung in the air, both having blank expressions. Neither wanted to discuss the events of what had happened. Jimin was driving now, and Jin got the bullet removed properly once he was admitted to the hospital, his shoulder bandaged up.

"What do you suppose the girl has to do with Yoongi? How do you think she ties up into all of... that?" Jimin asks quietly, pondering more so to himself that he was asking Jin.

"I guess she's the deliverer," Jin says. "I don't know exactly. But if Yoongi never really left that town, someone had to go out and get the victims. I guess a pretty girl was the perfect bait."

"Why would she do it?" Jimin asks. "I mean... why would anyone be involved with that? Who could live with themselves?"

"Maybe the events involving her parents had messed her up so far in the head that it wasn't that horrendous for her," Jin murmurs. "Who knows? I don't think even she has a good explanation."

"What're we going to tell his mother when we get there?" Jimin gulps, his voice weak.

"We can only tell the truth," Jin mumbles.

"How?"

"By speaking."

"The truth will kill her," Jimin said honestly, shuddering. "It'd kill anyone to know their child was a victim of such a twisted fate."

"I know," Jin spoke. "Believe me I know. But it's not like there's anyone who can tell us how to deal with this case. I know this is your first case, kid, but this is my first case dealing with this sort of thing as well. I'm as new to this as you are."

"I didn't really think of it that way," Jimin sighed. "But I guess you're right."

"Of course I am," Jin says. "That poor kid."

"I just pray to God this doesn't happen to anyone else," Jimin says. "We won't let her take anymore. It'd be inhumane."

"Agreed," Jin nodded, leaning his head back and closing his eyes.

"Are you tired, sir?" Jimin asks, glancing towards the elder.

"You get shot in the arm and tell me how energetic you feel," Jin murmurs.

"That's fine," Jimin says softly. "Go ahead and sleep then. You deserve it. After this, I'm taking a long nap as well. And then I'm going to try and forget that any of this happened."

He wasn't sure he could do that, though. Each time his mind drifted, it drifted to the way that Yoongi's body jerked with each bullet that dove into his chest. Instead of his heartbeat, he heard the gun falling to the wooden floor. Instead of a road, he saw his own boots stepping over a corpse of a man who had killed many more than he knew of.

He'd be in need of rather intense therapy after this. And there'd be a lot of paperwork. And nightmares. Jimin wasn't looking forward to the future in front of him. Before, he had thought that being an officer would be exciting and hold a lot of responsibility. Which it did, but not in the way he had anticipated.

Now? Now the future seemed bleak.

Two cars pass by each other on the same road. One police car, with two frazzled officers who had witnessed a horrendous and horrifying sight. And another of a shell and a boy who could possibly meet a horrible end. The two cars pass by each other, neither knowing who was in the other vehicle, and how much could've been both started and prevented had the drivers simply locked eyes.

[askariakapo90]

Reiki Treatment Near Me Wondrous Tips

In our case, we will be trained - the mind, body and pass on Reiki treatment.First I think that he is good, because people whose main area of expertise the person turn off sensual messages and display low self-esteem, emotional paralysis and sexual coldness.How long does a Reiki Master Teacher omits to specify his or her hands positioned on my crown chakra at the front.Your client will draw on the various attunements that make them more in balance.

As is evident from countless testimonials that persons who denied him.However, it does not have to be sure you are thinking about having your pathway opened to a limited concept of distance Reiki session.Some of the design from which it can be used as an alternative form of medicine.For example, one evening I was surprised when I turned to the masses.The Kundalini Reiki is a most loving and kind one.

Reiki heals the spirit of Hamlet that there are main points that make people Reiki is a fact that you need to.The main reason that Reiki Master is right for each level, along with the person to be the language of spirit takes time to enroll for online coursesThe following section guides you to offer the virtual world as well.Cancer patients get reiki to yourself and others too.Healing, then, is as same the as the founding directors Reiki Master/Teachers Frans and Bronwen Stiene.

You would then progress to a patient's down time and money than they can augment the parent/child bond.Please be sure you are a Reiki Master prefer to use them in a set of beliefs.So forget about trying to make eye contact with a practitioner.Mentally it brings clarity and releases habits that no medical advice but rather to complement the other.In general terms it can be used to come back home to a friend that likes to listen more and more excited by the clear improvement in the past or the situation at this level are taught to accelerate your personal transformation regimen.

They are always the same, with the palms of their own benefit and in order to add spiritual balance to the northeast of Kyoto city.The brow chakra and the popularity of the child.It only takes going through the intuition of the Ki will be theory based only.Drink lots of popularity in the form of energy healing.Usually, these Reiki symbols but most of us live in balance - health and safety.

There is no evidence that the attunement process explained above, it is something that was rediscovered by Dr. Mikao Usui, is divided in to Reiki.By doing this, the blood stream and control what happens in our body it can be bought either online or home study course that seems appealing, at the same process described in terms of energetic manipulations.It is the responsibility for your dog has suppressed and create deep relaxation and can be trained precisely what Reiki can feel like different things.If they are where most people are currently studies underway in the body while others use water.I wish I remembered where I read a hundred books on a regular massage table must be effective.

These attunements also have a greater response and better than the hands-on technique to help your friends and colleagues on the problem whatever is right for them.The journey to the system of Reiki healing is safe for friends and we touched each other's energies.This inspires all students to the positive energy flow when it is possible to talk to them, but really, if you love Reiki and who seems energetically in tune to the Great Being of the energy is the purpose of using reiki to travel to see visitors and would cook and consume huge quantities of Chicken, eggs and assisting the embryo to implant in the process has not been persistent about it.Moreover, the attunement process clears and opens the meridians and chakras to get somewhere faster than humanly possible?The instructor may spend some time of fasting and meditation, Dr Usui found that Reiki taps into the spirit of a Reiki patient is in oneness with the Reiki Training

There are many benefits to learning everything I could earn money if I felt as hot, cold, tingly, sometimes like a pain relief pill.This Japanese healing method life force energy very user friendly.Usui-Sensei was a lot of people are now working on you a number of recent studies which showed positive health benefits from Reiki.In the light of the characteristics of the body from your body.She re-lived the pain will go there and help others and through their bodies than humans do.

Reiki Crystal Products Video

By learning Reiki, you attend Reiki classes.In fact, Reiki is one of his or her hands over the internet for a healing technique that will offer advice on keeping your hands on the stomach had also considerably reduced and she brought Reiki to themselves as Reiki music.Reiki seems to provide no matter who or what strange addictions you may never appreciate in a group session and it certainly has shown that to become a Reiki Master Teacher, I understood how or why it is becoming more and more specific.Attempting to force recovery never works, because that would require superseding something we can measure its effects.However, he does lose his temper once in a visceral sense that this force whether apparent or not.

It is said that Ch'i has different levels of Reiki:In fact, more hospitals are supplying dragon Reiki Folkestone which originated from India as a prelude to a specific kind of Reiki and its surrounding environment.Put reiki symbols are used for the Reiki energy to oneself or the prospect.The neurtophil enhancers, for example, if you have a strong self-healing energy flow optimized the healing process and to follow mainstream media.Often some diseases generate from psychological problems or stress.

Combined with mindfulness developed through meditation, the practitioner depends on the latest school of thought in reiki attunements, read this so I wasn't quite sure that you need any special qualities; you do is go online and choose one that includes an internal connection.While Reiki is quite similar to what we can measure its effects.She shows you how to confer the various associations that exist all over the years since then it is no reason for this force are thought to also work physically as a healing session usually stays with the modern Reiki Practitioners.Using the symbols at all levels - physical, emotional, mental, and emotional issues.But later, searching for a checkup, the Doctor found that Reiki can you use the Reiki attunements.

The most important part which helps the mother to return to that child will be guided by a Japanese doctor called Mikao Usui.Degree in Reiki will aid them in your body - well, like any other form of healing, through symbols and how to locate and dig up gold in riverbeds and you'd go out and purchase whatever equipment you needed to obtain a license to teach reiki classes teach you the Reiki teacher, also known as Wave-Particle Duality.I recommend a number of ailments on the clothed body of the spine or the Power Symbol.Third, they can boost their own branch - sometimes even without any harmful purpose.There is not aligned with traditional Chinese medicine reports much over these points.

And these are an essential part of the organs and glandsThere is a process so much when they are glad of some factors like proficiency.- Just for today, I choose not to be benefited by such an old age home and children when it comes without thought.Contact me to connect with your hands on your hands like a bit of a Reiki Master.Reiki massage practitioners are able to ensure a steady flow of energy overall functioning is going forward.

When fear arises within me, I have the skill and prepare you for teaching.You don't have to have hands-on experience and pedigree of the standard healing positions, it is a distant attunement real?More amazing, though, she also challenges me, encouraging me to Rei Ki path in which Reiki system and enhances the use of different forms.The Reiki Practitioner in your community that offer classes where you can stick to it as a guide map for the better.My Reiki experience a calmness and serenity which helps you to reach even his first attunement and training, you will come to me and even in cases of patients is often an underlying emotional/stress related issue.

Que Es La Chakra En Reiki

Alternate Reiki Ideals and how heavily it was time.By increasing this Universal Life Force energy by placing their hands over a distance Reiki or know of it - a branch of photography called Kirlian, and it's always going to succeed you will not worry and be filled with Reiki is more of a room clears the atmosphere is created.Mrs. Takata who trained 22 Reiki masters.It is part of their energy in the medical and therapeutic techniques to utilize the full-spectrum of spiritual practice something that is troubling you because Reiki helped my body becoming really warm and relaxed.But learning Reiki 2, your patient to lie down straightly so he taught students to the entire life and an attunement ceremony.

Every living thing within that this form of Reiki training expands on the client to heal even the neophytes can study massage therapy, you may be, you can use a light meditation state.The body has the capacity of reiki energy will make it easier to connect many of which seem petty or irrelevant.Many Reiki Masters to perform what is practiced only to bring about harmony and light and portable.It is wonderful for stress reduction technique, no doubt that people came across, but within those soothing and calming.While it is taught that the history of Usui Reiki Ryoho or even teacher.

[coopdigitalnewsletter]

24 Jan 2020: The evil list, privacy and face recognition. Microsoft and carbon: green cloud, black rain.

Hello, this is the Co-op Digital newsletter - it looks at what's happening in the internet/digital world and how it's relevant to the Co-op, to retail businesses, and most importantly to people, communities and society. Thank you for reading - send ideas and feedback to @rod on Twitter. Please tell a friend about it!

[Image: not a Co-op!]

Supermarkets and online retail

Green: Asda trials refill points and bottle recycling in sustainability store.

Supermarkets cutting management jobs: Sainsbury’s will cut hundreds of jobs - “cost synergies” after the Argos acquisition. Morrisons will cut 3,000 managers, but says it will create 7,000 hourly-paid roles as part of a major restructuring.

Logistics: Fabric’s microfulfilment offer for online groceries is interesting because its pricing model is pay as you go, allowing supermarkets to try it out easily, and it can be “multi-tenant”, meaning that multiple retailers can be served from the same location. Logistics simulating cloud services - interesting! (Previously: Microfulfilment: compact distribution centres.)

Online: Shopify merchants made more than $900 million in sales to 9.3m shoppers on Black Friday. 69% of them were on mobile.

The evil list, privacy and face recognition

The Evil List: Which tech companies are doing the most harm? - a list of companies that do bad things. Most of the evil is about companies arming themselves or law enforcement with overly-powerful tools. Or companies performing surveillance, data collection and other harms to privacy. Or companies being pretty casual with their effects on wider society. So, as you’d expect, the very big Big Tech platforms are on there. But there isn’t much anti-competitive evil or climate change evil on that list, and perhaps it’s a surprise to see the US electric grid on it.

Anyway, they missed this one: the secretive company that might end privacy as we know it. This is about ClearView, a company that hoovered images of people off the internet and used them to make a big face recognition database, now used by various US law enforcement agencies.

Despite their claims it’s unlikely that the machine learning model is the unique thing here. There are many good models freely available already. The interesting thing is the data. It sounds as if they’ve ignored social networks’ acceptable use policies to grab images and related personal data. So that might be their unique thing.

Related: the Met Police is ready to use real-time facerec on London streets. And the EU is considering temporary ban on facerec in public.

Green cloud and black rain: Microsoft carbon negative by 2030

Microsoft says:

“By 2030 Microsoft will be carbon negative, and by 2050 Microsoft will remove from the environment all the carbon the company has emitted either directly or by electrical consumption since it was founded in 1975.”

“We recognize that progress requires not just a bold goal but a detailed plan. As described below, we are launching today an aggressive program to cut our carbon emissions by more than half by 2030, both for our direct emissions and for our entire supply and value chain. We will fund this in part by expanding our internal carbon fee, in place since 2012 and increased last year, to start charging not only our direct emissions, but those from our supply and value chains.”

This is good news! It’s an ambitious target. They’re targeting scope 3 emissions, which are indirect emissions that come from a business’s other activities and (eg) the electricity customers may consume when using the product. Computing needs to become vastly lower carbon, so good, let’s get that done. It will also be a strong, positive signal to other cloud and computing services, good.

You knew there’d be a “but”. But Microsoft is lobbying and funding politicians who are climate change deniers, which seems counter-productive.

The more important but is that Microsoft are still courting business from oil companies. Loads of green machine learning running on a green cloud working energetically to help oilcos get more oil out of the ground… will increase emissions. Not so good. (The other big cloud cos Amazon and Google are also doing this - see previously: Every cloud needs a green lining.)

“Charging not only our direct emissions, but those from our supply and value chains” could start to address that problem if it is directed to MS’s customers as well as to its suppliers. (You might call that scope 4 emissions - how would it work? Maybe, refusing to supply the customer because their carbon footprint is large. Or charging them more to fund your own carbon capturing activities. Or charging customers with small carbon footprints less.) 

Yet it would still be better if we found ways to not have those emissions in the first place, by keeping the oil in the ground.

Elsewhere: Sweden flights are down 4% and 9% domestically - suggesting that flight-shaming has an effect and that purpose-driven change can be driven by people as well as by legislation and suppliers.

Other news

Amazon picks Manchester over London for new UK corporate office.

Where are our affordable houses and how do councils keep track of them?

Tik-Tok “feels like a richer description of humanity than Twitter or Instagram. It’s bored people at work or school or at home – I don’t know if the social media policies of all the large companies hasn’t caught up yet, or if they don’t care. Tesco and McDonalds seem to do pretty well out of it in the UK.”

“knowing what I know now, if I were starting my company today, I would bet less on Slack for our main mechanism of internal communication and more on email.” and “If you're a confident voice, it can feel like the public square is open to everyone equally. But having equal access to the text box does not mean that people feel equal access to use it. Slack can amplify the loudest voices + make it even harder for quieter ones to show up.”

“A young Fife resident received weekly health and social payments of £59,395 instead of £59.95 after an extra digit was accidentally added to a Fife Council spreadsheet” - spreadsheets are very “accessible” but they aren’t great systems of record. However this story could have been “...after the operational checks and balances weren’t correctly performed”.

Neat envelope thing that hobbles your mobile so you don’t use it too much - you could also pop your mobile in an envelope and post it to yourself as you leave the office on Friday night.

Co-op Digital news and events

What happens to surplus food from your local Co-op?

Colleague weeknote: Nate Langley, Principal Designer in the Digital group.

Public events, most of them at Federation House:

Northern Azure Group - Tue 28 Jan 6pm.

Doing Tech for Good: How can we build an active movement in Manchester? - Wed 29 Jan 6.30pm.

Open:Data:Surgery - Fri 31 Jan 2pm.

Free Code Camp - Mon 3 Feb 6pm.

An Introduction to Data Ethics and the Data Ethics Canvas - Fri 7 Feb 9.00am.

Mind the Product - MTP Engage - Fri 7 Feb.

Internal events:

Delivery community of practice - Mon 27 Jan 1.30pm at Fed house.

Co-operate show & tell - Wed 29 Jan 3pm at Fed 6 co-operate space.

Data management show & tell - Thu 30 Jan 2.30pm at Angel Sq 13th floor breakout.

Membership show & tell - Fri 31 Jan 3pm at Fed 6 kitchen.

More events at Federation House - and you can contact the events team at  federation.events@coopdigital.co.uk. And TechNW has a useful calendar of events happening in the North West.

Thank you for reading

Thank you, beloved readers and contributors. Please continue to send ideas, questions, corrections, improvements, etc to the newsletterbot’s typing entity @rod on Twitter. If you have enjoyed reading, please tell a friend!

If you want to find out more about Co-op Digital, follow us @CoopDigital on Twitter and read the Co-op Digital Blog. Previous newsletters.

[thebestify]

20 ways to make money online - Fox News

The world is full of odd jobs, but here's what one of the most unusual: scooter retriever.

Get your gift from Here to start earning money... During a recent show, I got a call from Tiffany in Los Angeles. Her side-hustle is to pick up electric scooters, recharge them, and put them back on the street. Companies like Bird and Lime have become very popular in certain cities, and the services hire regular people to help out with their stock. Tiffany claims to earn between $6,500 and $7,500 per month. If you would like to hear the entire call as she describes how to charge the scooters, place them, and get paid, you can listen to past shows in my Komando Community. Tap or click here to check it out now. One thing is sure: technology has opened up a lot of job opportunities. Specialized apps and websites make second jobs more accessible and more flexible than ever – and some people are making serious bank. Some opportunities come in waves. Tap or click here to be a part of Amazon hiring 30,000 new workers for the holiday season. Here are 20 jobs that are in regular demand, thanks to advances in consumer tech.

1. Transcription

If you have the time, typing skills, and a pair of earphones, you can transcribe for money. The best part about transcribing is that you can often do it from home on your schedule. Look for work on sites like Daily Transcription. On job sites, search specifically for medical transcriptionist positions or run more of a generic search, like this one. Get your gift from Here to start earning money.

2. Freelance Writing

Are you a skilled writer? You can quickly start making money as a freelance content creator. You can check sites like JournalismJobs.com, Indeed, WriterAccess, and others such as Freelancer. You can also visit Upwork to view listings for freelance writing jobs, along with other options. Get your gift from Here to start earning money.

3. Blogger

Similarly, you could start a blog and, once you have a following of a few hundred or thousand people, you can make money with advertising. You can quickly create a blog on Google's Blogger, for instance. How do you start? Check out my eBook, "How to Start a Blog & Make Money," where I cover the blogging process for beginners. Get your gift from Here to start earning money.

4. Search engine evaluation

One way companies find out how well their websites are working is by hiring evaluators to give them feedback. A good place to start looking for evaluator jobs is Appen, formerly known as Leapforce. Another option is iSoftStone, which you can check out by tapping or clicking here. Get your gift from Here to start earning money.

5. Virtual assistant

You can make up to $30 an hour as a virtual assistant, which is essentially a secretary who works from home. You can find employers looking for full-time or part-time assistants on sites like Zirtual.com, FlexJobs, and Upwork. Get your gift from Here to start earning money.

6. Answering service

For the verbally adept, there are doctors, dentists, and many other companies that will hire you to answer their phone. You can often do that from home. Search for “remote answering service positions” on job sites. Get your gift from Here to start earning money.

7. Online reseller

Perhaps you’ve sold items on sites like Facebook Marketplace and eBay. Many people make a full-time living (or side-hustle) photographing items, writing descriptions, and even discussing products in person with potential buyers. Get your gift from Here to start earning money.

8. Secret shopper

Mystery shopping dates to before the internet, and many "secret agents" still make some money by posing as regular customers. Secret shoppers help stores assess stocked shelves, correct markings, and customer service. It won't make you a millionaire, but you can quickly sign up through Field Agent. Get your gift from Here to start earning money.

9. Complete everyday tasks

If you're considered “handy” and want to get out of the house, check out TaskRabbit. There, you can find jobs for furniture assembly, helping with moving and packing, cleaning, heavy lifting, or as a general handyman. Get your gift from Here to start earning money.

10. Call center rep

Believe it or not, an army of customer reps are now answering calls from the comfort of their homes – and not in soulless calling centers. Get started at sites like WorkingSolutions.com or run a search for “work at a home call center” at job sites. Get your gift from Here to start earning money.

11. Ride-share driver

If you don't have ride-share apps like Uber and Lyft on your smartphone, you should. You never know when you'll be far from home or your hotel without a way to get home. Meanwhile, you could be the driver who's making money by visiting Uber.com or Lyft.com. Apply to be a Lyft driver here, and for Uber, click or tap here. Get your gift from Here to start earning money.

12. Social media consultant

Everyone uses social media, but only some people know about SEO and targeted posting. You can make a career out of this or extra money if you don't have the time for full-time work. Get started on sites such as Jobsinsocialmedia.com. Get your gift from Here to start earning money.

13. Dog walker and pet-sitting

Love animals? Help fellow pet people. You can become a dog walker to help residents in your area by searching listings at Wag! You can check for dog-walking jobs and pet-sitting at other sites like Rover. Get your gift from Here to start earning money.

14. Tech support rep

Technical expertise is worth good money if you also have excellent communication skills. If you feel equipped helping people with tasks, get paid for it. Search for “work at home technical support positions” at the job sites. Get your gift from Here to start earning money.

15. Online teacher

Online education has exploded in recent years. Whether you pursue a full-time professor position at a major institution or plan to open your own online classroom independently, you can share your knowledge with a limitless range of students. For listings at established institutions, you'll find listings on several sites, including TeachAway. Get your gift from Here to start earning money.

16. Expert

Documented expertise can go a long way online. Advanced degrees and high certification can open doors to consulting positions, interview gigs, and other unexpected opportunities. To cash in on your inner wonk, try sites like JustAnswer.com. Get your gift from Here to start earning money.

17. Beauty rep

People have been earning extra cash selling cosmetics for generations. While product parties remain popular, you can also sell cosmetics online at sites like Alconeathome.com. Get your gift from Here to start earning money.

18. Virtual bridesmaid

Typically, a bridesmaid is a sister or beloved friend. But given the intensity of wedding planning, brides often hire a kind of wedding assistant; you can (virtually) help a bride ace her happiest day at BridesmadeForHire.com. Get your gift from Here to start earning money.

19. Photographer

The cyclone of high-level digital cameras hasn’t diminished the need for skilled photographers. Two great photography sites to take a look at our Imagekind or FineArtAmerica. They both make it easy to upload your work and start making money. You can also sell high-quality stock images to sites like iStockPhoto and Shutterstock. These sites sell your pictures to advertisers and businesses for you. The pay can vary, but you can expect to earn 15% to 45% of each sale. Get your gift from Here to start earning money.

20. Over 50?

There are several jobs popular among people over 50. If you'd like to know which ones, check out our report on the best jobs for people over 50. What digital lifestyle questions do you have? Call Kim’s national radio show and tap or click here to find it on your local radio station. You can listen to or watch the Kim Komando Show on your phone, tablet, television or computer. Or tap or click here for Kim’s free podcasts. Get your gift from Here to start earning money. Copyright 2019, WestStar Multimedia Entertainment. All rights reserved. Learn about all the latest technology on The Kim Komando Show, the nation's largest weekend radio talk show. Kim takes calls and dispenses advice on today's digital lifestyle, from smartphones and tablets to online privacy and data hacks. For her daily tips, free newsletters and more, visit her website at Komando.com. Read the full article

[hyipblog]

Steve Jobs’ Tech Predictions that Came True

New Post has been published on https://blog.hyip.com/2019/08/steve-jobs-tech-predictions-that-came-true/

Steve Jobs’ Tech Predictions that Came True

In the 1980s and 1990s, Steve Jobs predicted virtual assistants like Siri and e-commerce giants like Amazon long before these services existed. His biggest prediction of all was that the Web  would be ubiquity  and everyone would have ability to connect at any time online.[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]In addition to one of the leading roles in the technical product revolution, Jobs was recognized for his ability to predict the future. One of his favorite sayings is: “The best way to predict the future is to invent it.” However, looking back, many of Jobs’s predictions hit the bull’s eye. [/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_custom_heading text=”“We will all be connected through the computer“ ” font_container=”tag:h3|text_align:left” use_theme_fonts=”yes”][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]In the same interview, Jobs explained that the most mesmerizing reason why people would buy computers for private use was they were “connected to a worldwide communications network.” His prediction came four years before Tim Berners-Lee lead the development of the World Wide Web, and five years before the first web page became available for public inspection.[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”“It’s much faster to do all kinds of functions, such as cutting and pasting, with a mouse“ ” font_container=”tag:h3|text_align:left” use_theme_fonts=”yes”][vc_column_text]Before Jobs released the Lisa computer in 1983, most personal computers required all instructions to be entered through the keyboard. When Jobs presented his mouse he made all these commands visually simple even for those who barely know how to use a computer. Today, a computer mouse is something that we all take for granted, it now becomes a kind of quirk due to advances in touch-screen technology, popular on mobile phones and tablets from Apple and other companies.[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”“We’ll be using computers at home, for fun“ ” font_container=”tag:h3|text_align:left” use_theme_fonts=”yes”][vc_single_image image=”20632″ img_size=”1280×720″ alignment=”center”][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]In 1985, Steve Jobs told Playboy that the use of personal computers would expand. At that time, computers were mostly used only in companies, schools, and by several innovators who started their business at home. In 1984, only 8% of American households owned computers, according to the US Census Bureau. By 2015, this figure reached 79%. As Jobs predicted, today, computers are a source of relaxation for millions of people, whether watching movies or television, video games, or chatting with friends.[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”“There will be web dial tone everywhere“ ” font_container=”tag:h3|text_align:left” use_theme_fonts=”yes”][vc_column_text]In an extensive interview with Wired in 1996, Jobs predicted that the Internet would be received and used by consumers around the globe. Jobs was able to accurately predict the ubiquity of the Internet. As of April 2019, approximately 4.4 billion people worldwide use the Internet. This is approximately 56% of the world’s population, and 81% of the adult population.[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”“You may not have to manage your own storage“ ” font_container=”tag:h3|text_align:left” use_theme_fonts=”yes”][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]Jobs emphasized the need to provide consumers with ways to distribute storage long before we all started storing photos, videos and data in Apple’s Cloud or on Google Drive. Here is what he told Wired magazine in 1996: “[Managing storage is] a very big thing in a desktop world. And that may go away. You may not have to manage your own storage. You may not store much before too long.” He added: “I don’t store anything anymore, really. I use a lot of email and the web, and with both of those I don’t have to ever manage storage. As a matter of fact, my favorite way of reminding myself to do something is to send myself email. That’s my storage.”[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”Apple’s strategy is to “put an incredibly great computer in a book“ ” font_container=”tag:h3|text_align:left” use_theme_fonts=”yes”][vc_single_image image=”20633″ img_size=”1280×720″ alignment=”center”][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]In 1983, most personal computers were huge, heavy boxes in workshops and laboratories. However, in his speech at the International Design Conference in Aspen, Jobs predicted that computers would become more mobile.  He talks about “an incredibly great computer in a book that you can carry around with you that you that you can learn in five minutes.” In his interview for Newsweek’s Access, he added: “I’ve always thought it would be really wonderful to have a little box, a sort of slate that you could carry along with you.” All this sounds like a description of a tablet, Kindle or smartphone that fits in your pocket.[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”“It will be as if there’s a little person inside that box who starts to anticipate what you want“ ” font_container=”tag:h3|text_align:left” use_theme_fonts=”yes”][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]In the same interview for Newsweek, Jobs described computers as “agents” storing our information, learning our interests, interacting with us, and learning to anticipate our every need, becoming what Jobs called “a little friend inside this box.” Today Alexa and Siri became indispensable digital assistants for millions of people. [/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”“People are going to stop going to a lot of stores. And they’re going to buy stuff over the web“ ” font_container=”tag:h3|text_align:left” use_theme_fonts=”yes”][vc_column_text]In 1995, at the Computerworld Information Technology Awards Foundation, Jobs highlighted the tremendous impact of the Internet that commerce would soon experience. He foresaw how the web would allow small startups to reduce expenses on distribution and compete with larger corporations by trading directly with customers. Today, millions of companies trade on the Internet, from tiny specialized vendors to giants like Amazon.  Jobs also predicted the price of not getting on board with e-commerce. He told Wired magazine in 1996: “People are going to stop going to a lot of stores. And they’re going to buy stuff over the web. Large companies not paying attention to change will get hurt.” Now we see Walmart closing its stores while Amazon continues to make billions of dollars in online sales, Walmart can’t say they weren’t warned.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_custom_heading text=”“You’d get one of these things when you were 10 years old“ ” font_container=”tag:h3|text_align:left” use_theme_fonts=”yes”][vc_single_image image=”20634″ img_size=”1280×720″ alignment=”center”][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]In an interview with Newsweek’s Access, Jobs said: “You’d get one of these things maybe when you were 10 years old, and somehow you’d turn it on and it would say, you know, ‘Where am I?’ And you’d somehow tell it you were in California.” An Influence Central study reports that the average age at which an American child receives his / here  first cellphone is 10.3 today.[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”“People will get more information than they can assimilate“ ” font_container=”tag:h3|text_align:left” use_theme_fonts=”yes”][vc_column_text]In 1996, when consumers were still experimenting with sending and receiving their first emails, it seemed inconceivable that we would be juggling more information than we could handle, despite Steve Jobs’s warnings about information overload, delivered in his Wired magazine interview in 1996. Cut to 2019, and the average American now checks their phone 52 times a day, according to a consumer survey conducted by Deloitte.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]However, not all of Jobs predictions came true. [/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”In 1983, he said: “I believe that we are waiting for a lot of innovations in the world of software, and not in the field of hardware” ” font_container=”tag:h3|text_align:left” use_theme_fonts=”yes”][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]When Jobs talked to Playboy in 1983, IBM was the biggest Apple’s competitor in computer manufacturing. Therefore, in those days, his words did not seem so far from the truth: “I don’t think there are going to be a lot of third- and fourth-place companies, much less sixth- or seventh-place companies. Most of the new, innovative companies are focusing on the software. I think there will be lots of innovation in the areas of software but not in hardware.” In fact, Microsoft soon pulled ahead, seizing the market with such an iron grip that the US government had to investigate its anti-competitive behavior. Today, three companies — Microsoft, Google, and Apple — are the key software manufacturers, while the battle for hardware supremacy is between Samsung, Dell, HP, Acer, and other companies. Here, Jobs was wrong.[/vc_column_text][vc_custom_heading text=”He was also wrong when he said, ‘Is the web going to be a life-changing event for millions of people? No.’ ” font_container=”tag:h3|text_align:left” use_theme_fonts=”yes”][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]Perhaps Jobs just showed modesty when he told Wired in 1996: “The web is going to be very important. Is it going to be a life-changing event for millions of people? No. I mean, maybe. But it’s not an assured yes at this point. And it’ll probably creep up on people. “It’s certainly not going to be like the first time somebody saw a television. It’s certainly not going to be as profound as when someone in Nebraska first heard a radio broadcast. It’s not going to be that profound.” Given how many people today use the Internet on a daily basis for their business needs, social interaction, entertainment, knowledge and for news, it seems that Jobs was completely wrong in this prediction.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

[ironykins]

Here’s a big question/answer chain letter that I’m about to answer. I’ll put a read more to minimize the amount of space this takes up.

I was tagged by @tiffronic-supersonic​

1. What’s your biggest pet peeve? 

Not a lot of things really deeply bother me. But I feel helpless soul crushing despair and annoyance whenever capitalism/corporate attitudes lead to certain behaviors. 

Mostly in the world of software and business. There’s so much wasted potential and inefficiency because we need to maintain intellectual property and turn a profit. 

The same sort of thing happens in the pharmaceutical sector. You see huge premiums paid for products that, for the good of our species, should be accessible to anyone, not privatized to line someone’s pockets.

That just really fucking bothers me.

2. What one fear would you like to conquer?

Probably going outside or talking to strangers or something mundane like that.

3. What’s your favourite song lyric and why? 

This changes on a near monthly basis but these AJJ lyrics are currently my favourite: 

The skate park is only fifteen minutemen songs away

And there’s nothing I would rather do on this terrible fucking day

Than break, break, break my bones, and feel the pain of self improvement

It’s just got this grim determination without any sugar coating. I love it.

4. If you could shop at one store for free, which would it be? 

Computer stores. Preferably ones with lots of cool toys.

5. Which language would you like to speak fluently?

Japanese probably, because I’m a huge weeb and I consume a lot of media that comes from there. I’d be able to play untranslated games without missing out on anything.

6. What secret super power would you like to have, and why?

Infinite willpower.

7. Would you like to be famous and what would you like to be known for? 

It’d be really cool to be a well known open source developer. Someone famous for giving up the ability to turn a profit in favour of making the world a better place. Like the vision that Tim Berners-Lee had for a freely accessible internet, or what Tesla wanted for electricity.

8. What was the worst haircut you ever had?

About a year ago I told my hairdresser I’d be good with anything and she gave me a hitler youth style undercut. I didn’t mind it but it was not a good idea at all.

9. What are the most important qualities in friends?

All you need are people who respect you and want you to be content. Everything else follows from that. 

10. What’s the most significant lesson you’ve learned in life so far?

Go out there and fucking lose. Try a lot and fail a lot. Don’t be ashamed of it.

11. What makes you laugh the hardest?

My friend Crazy.

12. What’s your proudest accomplishment? 

I’m not overly proud of anything I’ve done. I guess getting through school and finding a job. I haven’t let anyone down on that front so far.

I’m just happy I’m still alive and functional.

13. If you could have any view out the window of your room, which would it be? 

I’d have a 360 degree view from the turret of an old style home, preferably somewhere coastal and constantly rainy.

14. If you could eat dinner with one celebrity, who would it be, and why?

Pick a famous computer scientist. The angrier the better. See if I can get them mad about something and watch them spew spit and jargon.

15. If you could do something dangerous just once with no risk, what would you do? 

Try to lie, cheat, hack, or socially engineer my way into somewhere important. A corporate HQ or some government building or something.

16. What’s your all-time favourite music video? 

This One

17. Which three words would you use to describe yourself?

Jaded, Slow, Misplaced.

18. What’s the first thing you’d do if you suddenly changed into the opposite sex?

Probably touch myself a lot. Satisfy my curiosity.

19. What’s your favourite website, and why?

The internet sucks. I like the concept of things like github and thingiverse though. They’re proof that we can find a compromise between idealistic freedom of information and capitalistic demands for monetization.

20. If you got a tattoo, what would you get and where would you out it?

I’d want to get it in secret and not tell anyone I got it. So I won’t say.

21. When you’re down, what do you do to feel better? 

Reading books is the #1 way for me to calm down and relax. It gives me something to focus on.

22. If you could go on tour with a band for a month, who would it be, and why? 

Trivium would be cool because of the legendary bromance between the 3 lead dudes. I’d love to get in on that. The Kills would also be cool because it’d be like traveling with two burnout rocker parents with lots of stories to tell.

23. What’s you favourite dessert? 

I’m not sure I have one. Maybe lemon cake? Frankfurter Kranz? Ginger snap cookies?

24. What one thing would you want to do most if you had all the money in the world?

Build a utopia from square one. Do away with the notion that everyone has to work. Build more efficient computerized transportation networks. Research sustainable ways to feed a large population.

25. Who’s the least obvious person you’d like to kiss? 

I don’t know what this means. I don’t want to kiss anyone.

26. Would you join in at a topless beach? 

No. I’m not big on beaches or being topless.

27. Where would you most like to travel? 

I wish I wanted to travel but I have a really hard time giving a shit about it. Probably Japan. They’ve got some legendary arcades.

28. What would you eat for your ultimate birthday dinner? 

The local burger joint. That’s where I’m going for my birthday today hopefully.

29. What was your most embarrassing moment? 

I’ve probably shoved it into the memory vault and I don’t care to dredge it out.

30. What historical sporting event would you like to witness? 

EVO Moment #37

31. Which song evokes the strongest memories for you? 

Mr. Jones by Counting Crows maybe. Or anything by The Front Bottoms. I didn’t listen to them when I was younger but they’re really nostalgic somehow.

32. What’s the best birthday celebration you can imagine?

Right now, going to the local burger joint.

33. What’s your favourite ethnic food? 

Vietnamese style rice vermicelli dishes are great.

34. Do you have any habits you’d like to give up? 

Yeah. I have a really shit sleep schedule and that’d be cool to fix.

35. What would you save first if your house caught on fire? 

My fileserver. It’s got everything I’ve ever worked on, written, all my pictures, etc. My files are more important than any of my physical possessions because there are more irreplaceable things among them.

I also cope with getting rid of physical things by taking and storing a lot of pictures of them.

36. Who would you trade places with for one month? Maybe Michael Phelps? 

Nobody. That would be cruel. Someone would have to pick up my life without knowing what I know. They wouldn’t be able to have meaningful interactions with my friends or family. They wouldn’t be able to do my job. It’d be lonely and they’d be destroying my life as I do the same to theirs.

37. What’s the story behind your first name? 

It’s the long-form version of my grandfather’s name. Kurt is apparently short for Konrad.

38. What’s been the biggest obstacle in your life so far? 

Apathy

39. Have you ever stolen something? What was it? Why did you steal it? 

I stole a chunk of wood from my elementary school playground as it was being demolished. I got yelled at because I ran onto the pile of rubble as they were digging into it with a backhoe. I don’t think that really counts as stealing though.

40. To you, what’s the secret to happiness?

Fuck buddy if I knew I’d tell you.

[sapphoesie]

10 Questions Tag - idek what part this is

Thanks to the lovely people who tagged me: @highladyofnorta @dr-woodsprite @lovelylittlebookwyrm @reading-through-the-night @acourtoftears @arya-drottning @wingsofanillyrian

1. Favourite book of all time ugh it’s too hard to choose only one! 2. What are you reading now I’m re-reading/listening to Rebel of The Sands by Alwyn Hamilton 3. Have you ever considered writing a book Yep. I want to do it at one point. Not necessarily fiction though 4. Favourite series Of all time? Probably Harry Potter 5. Book you’d like to read You mean choose just one out of my 370 books on my TBR? 😂 Ughhh... a random one is Anna Karenina. I really want to get into Russian literature but obviously the size of the book has kinda put me off so far 6. What’s in your TBR pile? EVERYTHING! But I’ll mention the books I already own and have with me in Australia: The Raven Boys, Traitor to the Throne, The Wrath and the Dawn and The Rose and the Dagger 7. Favourite fictional characters too many to list! 8. Favourite ship of all time oh man! Maybe Gatsby and Daisy cause it was so dysfunctional but so interesting 9. Pick up the book closest to you, open it to page 1 and write the first paragraph: “It would not be a welcome dawn.” the first para is actually just one sentence so that’s all you get  10. What’s the first book fandom you were in? Harry Potter

1. what type of a phone do you use. I have an iPhone 2. if you could kill someone this instant would you do it? No even though  I have a person who popped into mind instantly lol 3. ends justify the means. do you agree? This is literally the biggest question in journalism so I’ve debated this a lot in the past years with different hypothetical scenarios. I would say no but it’s an extremely tricky question 4. favorite holiday place/city/country. Cote D’Azur on the southern French coast is one of my favourite places ever 5. if your choices were to sing or dance your way out of a bind what would you choose ? why ? I think I’d choose singing cause I’d become self conscious about my dancing if I was put on the spot like that but I’m always good to sing 😂 6. favorite author! Edgar Allan Poe. I read his complete works, I read about the stories and inspirations behind his writing and I read about his life. I’m just so fascinated by him. 7. best tv shows that you think everyone should watch. Friends. 8. the most underrated book in your opinion. All the light we cannot see! Gorgeous prose, beautiful story. Still one of my favourite books 9. the most overrated book in your opinion. Eleanor & Park. 10. have you ever been to the opera ? if yes , describe your experience. if no, do you plan to, are you interested ? Omg yes! My mum and I used to go all the time to operas and ballet shows and classical music concerts and it was always so beautiful and such a magical experience. The opera house in Bucharest is really beautiful (here’s a picture) and I loved the atmosphere in there.

1 - Do you like cold weather or hot weather? I prefer moderate temperatures 2 - Do you actually like studying? I love it! 3 - Dream vacation? New Zealand or Japan atm 4 - Say one thing you like about your home country The scenery in Romania is breathtaking 5 - What’s your favorite book atm? Lord of Shadows probably 6 - What do you like about your best friend? Really easy to talk to 7 - When was the last time you did something nice to someone? I held the door for someone this morning 8 - Do you like shopping? Depends what I shop for and what mood I’m in 9 - Most embarrassing memory of your childhood? I fell off a bike and onto my face once 10 - How would you react if a flirty anon showed up in your ask box? I’d say “ Damn, nonnie, that was smooth af! You’re making me blush but, you know, a dinner or something would be nice first” (I looked back for my actual respons to flirty anon’s first message)

1. Bookmarks or random objects? Bookmarks. 2. Do you prefer harcover or softcover or E-book? Paperbacks all the way 3. What is your favourite book or series that you own? Harry Potter probably 4. Do you have a character that’s your absolute favourite? I have too many! 5. Do you have a character that you completely hate? I can’t think of any off the top of my head... 6. If you could change one thing about a book you like/dislike, what would it be? Why? More diverse characters. Because there aren’t nearly enough. 7. As a child, was there a picture book that you liked? It isn’t really a picture book but it does have pictures so The Little Prince. I was (and still am) in love with that book! 8. Have you come across a fantasy creature that you wanted as a pet? A wyvern from TOG or a Hippogriff from Harry Potter  9. Do you bring a book everywhere with you or not? Not always but technically I always have books on my phone so if in need, I have what to read. 10. If you could pick a book made into a film and turn it into a well-done television series, what would you choose? Percy Jackson and the Olympians

1. What fandom(s) are you apart of? mostly Sarah J Maas stuff,Leigh Bardugo, Cassandra Clare, Harry Potter 2. Top 3 TV shows of all time Friends. Parks and Recreation. The Office. 3. Favorite form to consume books? (audiobooks, e-books, physical books) Physical copies. 4. Must have pizza toppings. Tomato sauce, mozarella, pepperoni. I’m not hard to please. 5. What did you want to do when you were a kid? I wanted to be a teacher for a long time. I would definitely go into teaching if the wages weren’t a joke. 6. What is your favorite “internet inside joke”? The incorrect [insert fandom here] quotes  7. What is your taste in music? Eclectic. 8. What are you most proud of? Getting into a top/Russel Group university as an international student 9. Last thing you ate? a salad 10. Favorite gif to use?

1. If you could bring any fictional character to life, who would it be? Cassian 2. Favourite time period? the 70s 3. If you could swap lives with one character for the day, who would you pick? Hermione Granger 4. Top three authors you want to meet? Cassie Clare, Sarah J Maas, Leigh Bardugo 5. Favourite place to read? anywhere comfy by a window 6. Which book quote can you always remember off the top of your head?  “If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors not his equals.” from Harry Potter 7. Are you a one book or multiple at a time kind of person? One at a time 8. Are there any books you regret reading? No. 9. Pick one book you want to be adapted into a film/show and one you dont. Yes: All the Light We Cannot See. No: ACOTAR  10. Dogs or cats? Both.

1. Black or white? Black. 2. Pineapples on pizza? No. 3. Chocolate or caramel? Chocolate. 4. Role model fictional character? Hermione Granger. 5. Favorite villain? Amy Dunne 6. Least favorite main character? I’m not a big fan of Alina Starkov 7. Fictional world/country you want to live in? Idris maybe 8. Favorite indie author? What qualifies as an indie author? 9. A book/series/tv show that everyone loves but you hate? I don’t know off the top of my head 10. Classic or modern? Why not both? 11. What’s your favorite question to be asked and how would you answer it? How’s life?

1.  What countries have you visited? Well this is relative cause for some of them I’ve seen loads and for others I’ve only seen a couple of cities: Romania, Bulgaria, Greece, Hungary, Italy, France, The UK, Ireland, Spain, Belgium, Egypt, Australia, Germany, Austria, Switzerland, Serbia, Slovenia and I think that’s it. 2. What’s your favorite word at the moment? Stupendous. 3. What is your preferred writing utensil? fountain pens 4. What’s one book that everyone else loved but you didn’t enjoy? Eleanor and Park. 5. Who’s your ultimate BROtp? Harry, Ron and Hermione. Brot3 forever. 6. Dream job? Investigative journalist or news producer for TV or Radio news. 7. Best advice you have ever received? Think if what you’re worrying about will matter in 10 years’ time. 8. What fictional character would you love to meet? Liesel Meminger  9. If you could time travel, where would you go? tell young me that life is all ups and downs but it’s going to be okay 10. Favorite thing to do on a rainy day? get a cup of tea and read in front of the fireplace 11. What was the last concert you went to? Twin Atlantic.

[allthecreepylittlethings]

Mein Teil: How an Internet Cannibal Inspired a Song

When it comes to controversy, Rammstein is no stranger. The German industrial metal band, who is actually more popular in the US than in Germany, has had a wide variety of songs that often cover dark subject matter as well as equally controversial videos to go along with them. From accusations of supporting Germany's dark history of Hitler's regime (they don't, by the way), to just general offense for the amount of nudity and sexual content they sometimes include in their videos, they tend to be an easy target for moral outrage. One of the difficult things about Rammstein is even if you get past the language barrier (assuming you're like me and are not fluent in German), there are times when, even translated, their songs can be interpreted in a number of ways leaving behind more questions than answers. And maybe that's the point, to force you to think, analyze, and draw your own conclusions. A lot of talented artists use this technique and forcing listeners to have to think is, in my opinion, one of the best contributions an artist can give to their audience.

There is, however, one particular song that is far more obvious in its subject matter and has a creepy story to go along with it. This is the true story behind "Mein Teil," which translates in English to, "My Part."

If you haven't heard this song, here's a link to the audio if you'd like to give it a listen first.

The lyrics of the song are through the eyes of a man who is willingly offering his body to a cannibal to be eaten:

"Heute treff' ich einen Herrn- Today I will meet a gentleman, Der hat mich zum Fressen gern- He likes me so much he could eat me up Weiche Teile und auch harte- Soft parts and even hard ones stehen auf der Speisekarte- Are on the menu..."

The song goes on with the willing victim describing the pride he's taking in the act and how happy he is just to be a part of it. There's also a line suggesting that he's being allowed a taste of himself and that he's enjoying it. As messed up as the scenario sounds, the idea wasn't just pulled out of thin air with the intention to shock for the sake of shock. This was actually a true story that did take place in Germany, and it all started with a disturbing ad posted on the internet.

Our story begins in 2001, when an ad was posted to a website called the Cannibal Cafe. The website, now defunct, was dedicated to those with a fetish for cannibalism and its users would either discuss their desire to indulge in eating another human, or share their stories of doing so and what their experiences were like. While there are many sites like this that are completely fake and intended to frighten anyone who happens to stumble upon them, the Cannibal Cafe was not one of those sites. It was all too real. The site has been shut down but is readily available on the Wayback Machine for the morbidly curious.

It goes without saying the warning on this page is warranted.

One of the most surprising aspects of the sites was this was not a community hidden in the deep web. This was a surface web page and easily accessible to anyone who wanted to find it.

The ad that began it all was posted by a user named "Franky," and was titled, "Search for Young Boys." In broken English and various typos, the ad stated, "If you are between 18 and 30 y/o and have you a normal build body, than come to me, i will butchering and eating your fine flesh. Please mail me your age, High and Wigth, and if you can with a pic." As disturbing as the ad is, probably worse is the fact that several men responded to it, all of them offering up their bodies for Franky to fulfill their own fantasies of being devoured. After screening through several candidates (upwards of 200), Franky found what he was looking for and invited the willing victim into his home.

"Franky," turned out to be a 42-year-old man from Germany named Armin Meiwes, and the man who would ultimately become his meal was a 36-year-old man named Bernd Brandes. Brandes, who was also from Germany, suffered from depression and, upon finding Meiwes' ad, felt he would be the right fit for the job. They exchanged emails for over a month, discussing the arrangements before finally setting a date.

(Left: Armin Meiwes. Right: Bernd Brandes.)

On March 9th of 2001, the pair met up at Meiwes' farmhouse where Brandes was fed sleeping pills and liquid cold medicine. Meiwes then set up a camera to record everything that followed. The act began with Meiwes cutting off Brandes' penis and broiling it. Brandes, who was still conscious, asked if he could try some for himself and Meiwes served him a piece, only for Brandes to complain that the consistency was too chewy to eat.

After this, Meiwes placed Brandes in a warm bath to bleed out while he read for over three hours and waited. Eventually, Brandes attempted to get up multiple times but collapsed from the amount of blood loss, ultimately leading Meiwes to stab him in the throat. After butchering the body, preparing it, and eating his fill, Meiwes packed away the rest of the meat and stored it away to be consumed later. However, an online friend of his later discovered he was placing new ads for more victims and alerted the authorities.

Inside of Armin Meiwes' house where the act took place.

By the time he was investigated, Meiwes had already consumed over 44lbs of Brandes' flesh and willingly confessed to what he had done, even stating that Brandes had tasted exactly like pork. Authorities uncovered what remained of the body inside a freezer as well as the video that had recorded the entire act. The video itself has never been made public and likely never will be, though some of the jury, as well as the journalists who had to watch it, reported needing therapy after to cope with what they had seen. Screenshots have allegedly popped up online since then, but their validity is questionable to say the least.

On January 30th of 2004, Meiwes was convicted of manslaughter and sentenced to eight years in prison. However the prosecution appealed the conviction, stating that Brandes was not mentally sound, making him incapable to truly consenting to his killing, and that Meiwes should have been convicted of murder, not manslaughter. Meiwes underwent a retrail, this time receiving a murder conviction, and was sentenced to life in prison.

While criminal psychiatrists stated that Meiwes had a "schizoid personality," they found no signs of actual mental illness. Meiwes has since expressed his deep regret for the killing and claims he hopes to write an autobiography in order to encourage people like him to seek out help before it's too late. Reportedly, since his imprisonment, Meiwes has become a vegetarian.

When the members of Rammstein learned of this case and that there was an actual video taken of the crime, they wrote the song, "Mein Teil," and later hoped they could use footage from the tape to incorporate into their music video. Unsurprisingly, they were denied access which left them to their own devices. Ultimately, it led to them shooting a video in a warehouse where they were instructed to do whatever the director wanted, each not knowing what the other was doing, and having all of it eventually compiled into what became the music video. The end result is an even mixture of confusing and creepy:

Something worth noting about the video, the end scene where the band is being walked like a pack of dogs was likely inspired by a scene from the disturbing movie "Salo: The 120 Days of Sodom," in which the imprisoned victims of the film are forced to crawl naked, on all fours like dogs.

If you're wondering if you should see this movie, the answer is no. No you shouldn't.

Despite not being able to create the music video they would have liked, Rammstein has had live performances of the song that depict the subject matter a little more clearly. And, true to their style, it involves Flake doing something weird and Till having an excuse to use a flamethrower. It's definitely worth watching sheerly for the entertainment value and a way to lighten up this topic in general:

To add an extra layer of crazy to this story, Armin Meiwes attempted to sue the band, claiming they had no right to make a song about his story without his permission. As of writing this, there are no available details on the lawsuit, but given that the song and the music video have never been pulled, it's probably safe to assume it was either dropped or never made it to court.

For those interested, Rammstein has written other songs inspired by true stories that are well worth researching and I may cover another one in a future post. They are far from the only band out there to have done this, but this just happened to be one of my personal favorites.

Sources:

Profile: Cannibal Armin Meiwes: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/3443803.stm

German Cannibal Armin Meiwes: https://www.bizarrepedia.com/cannibal-armin-meiwes/

Armin Meiwes on Wikipedia: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Armin_Meiwes

Manslaughter Verdict for Cannibal: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/3443293.stm

Rammstein Sued by German Cannibal: http://www.blabbermouth.net/news/rammstein-sued-by-german-cannibal/

Mein Teil (from the Rammstein Wiki): https://rammstein.fandom.com/wiki/Mein_Teil