#all i've ever wanted was to not be a monster to my peers

[7seas-of-ryy]

Not Good Enough

Author’s Note: My second job started up again, I take care of my nephew in the mornings and after school, and I've been sick!! I have about 7 WIPs right now that I know need a lot more time before they will be finished. I hope you all enjoy this story!!

Summary: You know you're ready to go on your first mission but what does Az think?

Pairing: Azriel x Reader

Warnings: a few cuss words, let me know if I need to add any :)

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“You can’t be serious.” You shouted at the male in front of you.

“I’m the most serious I’ve ever been. And this argument is over.” He calmly stated in response.

You scoffed and looked over to Cass for help but he refused to make eye contact. Looking back at Azriel, you decided you wouldn’t give up that easy.

“You don’t get to decide when the argument is over. I’m coming with on this mission, I can help you.” You argued.

“Yes, I do get to decide that. No, you’re not coming. And no, you can’t help us. End. Of. Discussion.” He was starting to get frustrated with you.

His words only made you more mad, your temper getting the best of you.

“You’re ridiculous! You have been training me for months.. MONTHS! And you haven’t let me go on a single mission or actually see any action. This trip will be too dangerous for just the two of you. You need me to help you so why can’t you just let me come with.” You exclaimed.

“Because you’re not good enough!” Az shouted right back.

Ouch. That one hurt. Before you could compose yourself he continued.

“If you’re not fast enough, strong enough, smart enough when you’re on missions like these, you die. I was put in charge of you to train you and it is up to me to decide when you are good enough. I am telling you that you aren’t. I don’t want to hear about any of this again!” He finished his rant, his chest was heaving.

You tried to hide it but the look of hurt was clear on your face. When you glanced over at Cassian he was looking at you this time, like you were a puppy who had just been kicked. You hated it, you didn’t want sympathy.

Az noticed how much he hurt you and reached out his hand to you.

“Y/N-” He started but you backed away from his reach.

You turned around and walked away before he could try and speak to you again. Eventually Cass and Az continued to prepare for their mission and you went to your room before you could be embarrassed any further.

You couldn’t believe him, he trained you for months and always told you how well you were doing. He would tell you how you impressed him with your intelligence but now you’re not good enough? You knew you were good enough. During the meeting with the IC, when Az first announced you wouldn’t be joining him and Cass, both Feyre and Rhys looked surprised as well.

Before you could talk yourself out of it, you started to pack. You gathered your weapons and your bag and slid on your gear. When Cass and Az left, you waited a bit and then quietly followed their trail. It didn't matter that Az thought so lowly of you, you were going to prove him wrong.

You knew you had to stay a little farther back so they wouldn’t notice you, so you tracked them instead. Using all of the training you’ve had, you successfully followed them and stayed hidden the whole time.

The mission was supposed to be simple. Find the creature that had been causing problems and kill it. It should be easy enough for Cass and Az so you really couldn’t understand why he refused to bring you with.

You watched as Az and Cass followed the monster into the woods, trying to catch it off guard so it would be an easy kill. You stayed hidden in the shadows behind them and to the right when you heard some shuffling. Peering to where the noise was, you saw a second creature sneaking behind the 2 Illyrians.

Before you could even blink, the first creature turned around and swung at the two. The monster behind them pounced and landed on Cassian. He managed to fight it off and was dealing with that one when you saw Az backed into a tree. The vile beast swung at him again, and sent Az flying to the ground.

You took off running straight to Az, knowing you had to save him. Right before the creature could land the killing blow, you jumped on it's back. With fairly large daggers in both hands you brought your arms down, impaling it in the head with the two blades. It died quickly and fell with you still on top of it.

Cass had already killed the other one and came over to help you roll the creature off of Az. You held your hand out to him to help him up. After just saving his life, surely he sees how well you can do your job.

“What are you doing here?!” He yelled at you, rage in his eyes.

You were stunned, you saved his life and this is how he treats you? No, maybe he was in shock still?

“I assessed the situation first, Cass was holding his own and I saw you about to be killed so I acted fast. And I effectively and efficiently eliminated the threat. I did everything right-” You explained but he cut you off.

“No, what you did was disobey my direct orders to stay home. You could have been killed! You aren’t ready to handle this yet and you just proved it by not listening to me!” He continued to yell at you.

“How about you try saying ‘thank you’, you know, for literally saving your life one minute ago.” You sneered.

It was silent while the two of you glared at each other, smoke practically shooting out of your ears before Cass stepped in.

“Listen she did just save our asses and she’s already here now. We were going to set up camp and head home tomorrow anyways so she can just stay with us.” He told Az and then looked at you, “Come on, the cabin is about 30 minutes from here. Let’s go.”

He held out his arms, insinuating you needed to let him carry you so he could fly you to the cabin. The flight went by fast and you were still pissed at the spymaster when you landed.

The three of you entered the space silently and it wasn’t until Cass said something that you realized what the problem was.

“There’s only two beds.” He stated.

“Yes, because there was only supposed to be two of us on this mission.” Az grumbled and sent a look your way.

You rolled your eyes at him and looked at Cass instead.

“It’s a long trip home tomorrow so none of us should sleep on the floor. We don’t want to have a bad back all day long, believe me I’ve been there before. So who wants to share a bed?” Cass asked with a grin.

“Let’s just get three sticks. We can pull them and whoever pulls the longest gets the bed to themselves?” You suggested.

“Pretty and smart.” Cassian replied with a wink at you.

Az let out a growl at his words and Cass held his hands up. Unbelievable, he couldn’t even let anyone else compliment me.

“Fine.” Az agreed to your plan.

You all pulled sticks and held them up. Cass quickly let out a cheer, seeing his was the longest and started getting cozy in bed. You and Az glanced at each other and painfully made your way over to the bed. You sat on the edge of the bed when the spymaster hesitated.

“No. I’m not sharing a bed with her.” Az told Cass.

“Oh grow up. You’re mad at me so you’re going to throw a tantrum? It’s just for one night, then I promise you won’t ever have to be disgusted by sharing a bed with me again.” you snapped.

“What? No.. I’m not…I just…” He trailed off, “Fine. We leave at sunrise.”

Cass nodded his head in agreement and closed his eyes to sleep. You laid down and Az slowly got into the bed next to you, making sure to stay as far away as he could. The first thing you noticed was how cold the room was. Wrapping your arms around yourself, you decided to just try to stay put, too mad to ask for something to warm you up. Eventually, you let sleep take over.

You woke up to a large hand gently shaking your shoulder.

“Come on, you’re freezing.” Az whispered to you.

“I’m fine.” You stubbornly stated.

“No, you’re not. You’re literally shivering.” He argued.

You tried to stay completely still, to stop the shaking but you were just so cold.

“You would rather freeze to death than get close to me?” He added when you didn’t respond.

You stayed silent again and his hand traveled to your waist. His other hand slid under you and he pulled you into his chest. His wings wrapped around the both of you, creating warmth and giving you instant relief. You slightly pushed back into him even more, craving his body heat and he responded by wrapping his arms around you tighter.

You were still mad at him but you would be lying if this position didn't make you blush. For a while now, you've had a bit of a crush on the Shadowsinger, which is probably why everything he said to you hurt even worse. Pushing those thoughts to the back of your head, you decided to just relax.

The two of you fell asleep that way and when you woke up, his wings were still around you but now your face was nuzzled into his chest.

“It’s been sunrise for 45 minutes now. C’mon wake her up, it’s time to go.” Cassian complained.

“Shh. She hasn’t gotten this much rest in a while. Let her sleep a little longer.” Az grumbled.

His hands were rubbing up and down your back and you desperately wanted to stay like this longer. But then you remembered how mad you were at him so you opened your eyes. You got up and started to gather your things to leave, ignoring the look on Azriel’s face.

“Morning sunshine.” Cassian smirked at you.

You flipped him off and walked past him.

“Alright, we have to walk for about two hours north, then we can fly the rest of the way.” Az told you the plan.

“I know. Don’t forget I made the whole trip here.” You spoke with a sharp edge to your tone.

“Yeah, I was going to ask you. How did you know where we were? I mean you can’t fly so how did you follow us?” Cass inquired.

“I didn’t follow you. I tracked you. I stayed hidden the entire time and using the limited knowledge I had of the mission, I figured out where you were headed. It was actually pretty easy.” You asserted.

Cassian’s eyebrows raised in awe and Azriel’s eyebrows shot down in confusion.

“No that doesn’t make sense.” Az grumbled.

“Az, she outsmarted us and saved our asses. It’s time to admit you were wrong.” Cass stuck up for you.

You gave Cass a slight nod in thanks and the three of you continued to walk home. No one spoke for the rest of the walk until it came time to fly the rest of the way. You went up to Cass but he didn’t reach for you.

“I’m sorry, I hurt myself last night fighting the creature. Az will have to fly you.” Cass explained.

You were confused because he flew you last night after the mission but you were too drained to argue. Slowly, you made your way over to Az. Before Cass took off you heard him say 'Tell her' and fly off. You gave Az a confused look and he shrugged his shoulders.

He picked you up and the two of you took off. You could see Cass ahead of you but you were far back enough that he couldn’t hear you.

“What did Cass mean?” You asked.

Az stared straight ahead and didn’t respond.

“Really? I mean you can’t even talk to me now? You’ve been so rude to-” You started.

“I was scared.” He muttered, “I was scared of you getting hurt, ok? I didn’t want you in the field because I can’t lose you. I know you’re smart and strong enough but I was.. I don’t know. It’s stupid and I’m sorry.”

“Oh.” You said dumbly.

“That’s it?! Yell at me or something, I know I was an ass. I’m so sorry.” He told you.

“I’m not going to yell at you… I understand the fear of losing someone. Why do you think I wanted to come with? When I saw that beast on top of you about to kill you…I didn’t even stop to think. I just knew I had to save you, I’ve never felt that type of fear before. If something happened to you.. I don’t even want to think about that.” You told the male holding you.

“Well, I think it’s time for me to thank you for saving my life. If you weren’t there, me and Cass would both be gone right now, so thank you.” He gently spoke.

You gave him a warm smile and held onto him just a little bit tighter. There was comfortable silence for a little bit before you heard Az clear his throat.

“Now, tell me how you really tracked us all the way there. There was a point in the journey where we went through a portal. It would’ve been impossible to track us unless you had put a spell on the portal.” Az wondered.

“Ok fine. Once you got to the portal, one of your shadows noticed me and instead of letting you know, it stayed behind. It waited for me to catch up. Then it led me to you and even silenced my steps in the woods.” You admitted.

“What?!” he spoke in shock.

He looked down and could see a little shadow curled in your hair, peeking out like a child about to get scolded.

“You little traitor!” He gasped.

“Hey don’t be mean to it! I used my resources like you taught me, it just so happened that one of your shadows was a resource to me.” You let out a small laugh.

You could see the house coming into view when all of the sudden, Az took a turn and started to head towards a mountain instead. You weren’t sure where he was going but you trusted him so you stayed quiet. He landed and set you down.

“So there is actually one more thing that I have to confess. My shadows have always liked you.” He blurted.

“Well I like them too.” You told him, confused at his confession.

“Ok that’s not all.. I also like you, a lot. Look I’m not good at this, I actually have a terrible track record but all I know is I love you. And I don’t want to mess this up.” He finally revealed the truth to you.

“That’s actually really convenient because I love you too. I’ve actually been madly in love with you for a while now.” You told him.

“I really want to kiss you right now but I’m covered in mud and gunk from the mission yesterday and I want our first kiss to be nicer than that. After we get home and get cleaned up would you like to go on a date with me? Maybe get some dinner?” He nervously asked you.

“I would love nothing more than to go out with you.” You blushed.

His smile lit up his whole face. The two of you made your way to the house and once you were cleaned up you met in the living area. Before you left for your date you wanted to mess with him a little.

“I bet you’re happy I didn’t follow your orders, huh?” You joked.

“Yeah yeah, I would have told you my true feelings eventually.” Az grumbled.

“NO YOU WOULDN’T HAVE. I HAD TO LISTEN TO YOU BITCH ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS FOR HER FOR MONTHS NOW.” Cassian screamed.

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[threepandas]

Bad End, Chosen: Part 5

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The first time around, I gave EVERYTHING. I drove myself into the ground, to be my Master's perfect Learner. To prove it had all been WORTH taking me on as a student. So that he would be proud. So he would love me. So that, like a father, he could look upon the child he raised and think "I did a good job, didn't I?"

Even then, I felt his uncertainty.

His fickle heart.

He was a weak man. One that let a mere child bully him into glorified fatherhood and then could not even commit to the choice he had made. As substantive as a cloud, drifting aimlessly across the endless sky. He abandoned me then. He'll abandon me again. I am, at best, something he feels he is "supposed" to do.

He does not love me. He never loved me.

But I love him.

And some days... I hate that I do.

I hate that I spent night after night, pouring over excruciating texts in tiny font. Ancient, dusty, tomes that talked endlessly in circles. I hate that I practiced and practiced, until I could appear effortless before him. The star pupil. The gem of the tower. Dispised and envied by my peers. And... and so utterly, utterly ALONE.

I died.

I died, desperately holding up the tower itself. The only one even vaguely prepared. When The Dark came. I saw tears and terror on the faces of children. Saw the ceiling crashing towards us. And chose to protect THEM instead of myself. It was, perhaps, the first and last time they ever saw me as something human. Fallible.

I was afraid.

But I did not let that terror hold me back.

They tried. Gods, they tried so, so hard to save me. Wept and screamed as the world seemed to END around us. As day turned to night and monster straight from the worst nightmares of man, crawled from the screaming vents, the WOUNDS upon reality itself. The last thing I saw? Was not my Master's face. But the tear stained faces of children pouring everything they could, into taking the impossible burden that even in those moments? Was killing me.

I cracked apart. Overloaded by the core of the Tower, which I had been desperately channeling. It... it was like becoming light.

And then the world rewound.

I did not learn my lesson. I was still young. Did not yet fully understand. Like all Reincarnators I thought I was here for a REASON. It took time to fully grasp how things worked. But that second life? Even now... even now I miss it.

Because back then...

I made friends.

I was so GRATEFUL. Could not unsee, that when the horrors came? They did not abandon me. They didn't even LIKE me. But... but I wanted them to. So I tried. I talked with them. Ate with them. Told jokes and went on trips. Was young. I grew to care so, so much about them. My dear and beloved friends.

Then?

I got to watch them DIE.

Gruesomely. Slowly. And without hope.

Perhaps that was when my love and compassion for the Protagonist died. When my struggle with hatred began. Because while those I loved suffered in mud stained hells, trenches and bile stenched infirmary, she frolicked in rose gardens. Dreaming of girlish love.

What of Duty? Of the death and suffering she IGNORED? How DARE she selfishly concern herself only with her OWN feelings and desires, as the world that NEEDS her dies in fear and agony! What SAINT is she? What GODS allow this?!

Thus was born my Rage.

And so, I refuse my Fate.

But I've made a mistake. A... a terrible mistake. And even now, he circles me like a bird of prey, correcting my stance with hands that linger. A man that looms. Standing too close. Forever patting my head, fingers carding possessively through my hair. Gripping the strands to make me look at him. Always gentle... but with just enough strength to hint that he could NOT be, if he chose.

He manhandles me like a doll. Physically. With magic. It is all the same. Looking forever delighted at the ease at which he can simply drag me into the air with a hover spell. Like a child sized balloon. To be carted around at his mercy.

I barely SEE my actual Master.

Alaric enables it. I... I refuse to call him Grandmaster in my head. He's already gotten to me once. I can endure. I survived once. I can do it again.

"Is my lesson so boring? That you must retreat into your head, child?" More like horrifying. The scent of blood is overwhelming. I keep my eyes locked on the far wall. "Ignoring my lectures will not let you escape them. You are merely force yourself to repeat them, you know. I am perfectly willing to repeat your lessons as many times as it takes."

"Academically" studying The Dark my ASS. Alaric Blight had, HAS, a fucking torture chamber. These are the worst sort of magics. I REFUSE to learn them. Will NOT use them. FUCK YOU.

I give the poor corpse before me what little dignity I can. By not seeing what they have been reduced too. They deserved better then this.

Alaric huffs a laugh. Gently putting down his ceremonial knife on a nearby table. He wipes the viscera from his hands with a rag as he strolls, calm as you please, over to my helplessly floating form.

"Ah~ that stubborn little glare. So FUSSY, Grandlearner." He laughs, the picture of indulgence. "I suppose I HAVE kept you here a touch too long, haven't I? We've missed several meals AND your nap. You are a growing child. No matter how fascinating the material, I can hardly expect you to concentrate under these conditions, now can I?"

He reaks of copper and a rich cologne I have grown to HATE. If only because it is his favorite. I am gathered from the air and pressed against his front, held like a child. I... I still can not move my limbs. He is no fool. For all I am pressed, lovingly almost, against him? I would tear his throat out with my TEETH.

He will not be giving me that chance.

I dispise him.

I DISPISE "naps".

Bad enough to be dragged around in his company for lessons. At least then, I can remember his evil. The cruelty and crimes. But NAPS? Insidious. We're it not for the immobility, they would have done terrible things to my head, long LONG ago.

They are exactly what they sound like. I am dragged off, to be cuddled like some stuffed animal, in some beautiful and soothing environment. For a nap. Bonding. Just me, him, and my head pressed against his chest. Against the hypnotic sound of his beating heart. Fighting the exhaustion in my bones. The desire to just... just let GO and know a moment's peace.

We never make it to the garden.

An explosion ROCKS the Magic Tower. Over a decade too soon to be The Dark. Alaric stops misstep, his personal barriers keeping even dust from touching us, as in the distance, Mage's scream. The Tower's barrier...goes up.

It...it NEVER goes up.

That is the seige barrier. For... for ATTACKS. Who would!?

"Ah. I knew I was forgetting something." Alaric says, as calmly as though musing on the weather outside instead of an attack upon an ancient, foundational institution. "It seems the temple dogs have finally decided to act upon all their barking. I imagine their little whore will make a wonderful figurehead. They always WERE on the look out for more puppets."

I stare up in confusion as he looks out as the barrier. His gaze flat, empty, and cold. Voice is distant as his muses, as though he long ago stopped caring. He catches my gaze upon him and the warmth floods back in.

"You see, little one. I normally kill them. They tend to make a pest of themselves. I have a list of things I must get done each cycle." He smiles fondly, utterly ignoring the alarms that have begun to sound. The calls for all Master's to defensive positions. "It is something you will learn, with time. A lesson I, of course, will be teaching you~"

"Now, since THIS building will likely become useless to us shortly. Let us go pack, hmm? The story progress. It's time to go home." He turns, and we begin to walk away.

"W-Wait!" I manage to choke out.

He pauses, looks down at me, patient even as people die. What, after all, does HE care, if they do? I try desperately to gather my thought. It is like scrambling after dropped beads across a smooth floor. I think, I HOPE, I get enough...

"I... G-Grandmaster I li..LIKE learning here. With you. It feels more familiar and has better places to... to nap. Could you... WOULD you, PLEASE, go save everyone?" I manage to rip from my throat, each word like pulling a tooth. I hate it. I HATE IT! But for them? Anything.

"Oh? Grandlearner~! Was that a REQUEST?" Croons the madman who holds me, his grip getting tighter for just a moment before relaxing back into it's gentle hold. Lips, almost burning with power, brush softly against my temple in a kiss. He makes a horrifyingly satisfied noise. "Of course MY child. Anything for MY Grandlearner, after all. You are my world, little light."

The world twists.

And suddenly? I am floating safely in the shade of a tree, far across the valley from the Tower. I can... I can feel the struggling Master's. Fighting to hold off the Temple's holy warriors. It is a blood soaked standstill. Until Alaric Blight steps up to the field.

Then?

EVERYTHING IS FIRE.

He is The Arch-Mage of Red. Not just for his hair, but for his terrifying master of fire and battle magics. What once, moments before, was a sea of green? Becomes ash and flame in an instant. So hot the fire burns the very air itself. Bordering on plasma. The ground itself molten in his wake.

None survive. How could any even dream?

It is like a nuke made man.

I shake. Tears slipping down my cheeks as I watch old growth vanish in the distance. Centuries of life. Gone in a moment of ugly destruction. They will praise him for this. Call him a hero. But I know what he is. What hides beneath that ugly, shining, mask of a charm and civility. And... and I am scared.

A chirp of starlight and tinkling glass, high and questioning, hovers just to my right.

Fairy-dragons. A full swarm. Creatures the size of a cat with the power of a god. All but one, staring furiously down at the destruction in the valley below. They radiates furious grief at the loss of so much life and forest. But the one looking at me... feels? Questioning? Somehow?

Can they project?

I can only assume. I KNOW they can understand spoken languages. All dragons can. And as powerful as dragons ARE...

"Please... please! Help me!" I choke out, finally letting my tears spill. Because if I can not cry in front of dragons, then where? "I'm not strong enough. He's a MONSTER. I know you can feel it! Please! Just until I recover. Until I can fight. PLEASE!"

More of the tiny creatures look at me. Glance at each other. Then back towards where Alaric continues his destruction. Their destain for him is obvious. Their eyes as they look upon me, hold no special love. Just ambivalence. But... they are what they are. And they DO hate the sort of creature Alaric Blight has become.

With a tearing WRENCH the spell holding me is SHREDDED.

Painfully, in dragon claws.

In the distance, Alaric stops. No doubt feeling that. Knowing someone not only freed me, but ATTACKED HIM. The dragon that was worried for me touches my shoulder. And before my Grandmaster can ever discover WHO stole me away?

I am Gone.

I do not see the city of Towervalley, the magic tower itself, BURN.

[bonesxbows]

Wash My Dreams Away (Lucifer x Reader)

Masterlist

You wake up in a panic, a new nightmare still fresh in your mind, but Lucifer isn't in bed with you like he should be. The darkness and anxiety your dreams have left you with won't let you fall back asleep so you search through the castle to find him. He uses his gifts to help calm you down enough to go back to sleep.

(WARNINGS) - descriptions of panic attack/anxiety attack behaviors - fear of the dark

this is my first attempt at trying to write for him so sorry if it's a little OOC, I tried my best. Also, I've got like 50 drafts going at the same time lol, I started this one back in school and just now finished it. Someday I'll get around to finishing all of them but for now; enjoy some Hazbin content! :)

-

You woke up breathless, sitting upright in your bed and shoving the blankets off of yourself. You wrapped your arms around your shoulders, attempting to shake off the unsettling feeling that your dream had left you with. Once you had blinked away the sleep from your eyes you realized your bed was more colder and emptier than it should have been. It was just you on top of the sprawling mattress, Lucifer was no longer there. He had been right next to you, snuggling up to you when the two of you fell asleep, but now he was gone. You looked around the room, peering through the darkness, but he was nowhere to be found. You sighed and stood up, wrapping the blanket around your shoulders and walking out of your shared bedroom. The door accidentally slammed behind you, making you jump slightly. Your dreams still haunted you. You wanted to be by Lucifer’s side once again sooner rather than later. He made you feel safe and you needed that feeling now more than ever. With the king of Hell himself next to you, you were untouchable, but now you were alone with the monsters of your dreams still chasing you.

You kept your footsteps light, your nerves were still on end and you were anxious that something would step out of the shadows and snatch you up and silence your screams. Eventually, you made your way to Lucifer’s workshop. The door was left open a crack and you could see soft purple light glowing out of the room. You pushed the door open slightly, peeking your head in. There he was just where you expected to find him; hunched over his desk in his apple print pajamas and muttering to himself. You walked over behind him, not trying to be silent anymore but he didn't hear you nonetheless. You could see another yellow rubber duck underneath his hands, sliced in half with mechanical guts spewn all over the tabletop.

“Luci?” You called his name softly, trying not to startle him. Last time you accidentally startled him he had burned a hole in the wallpaper with his experimental duck. He turned around quickly, dropping the duck’s head on the floor.

“Huh? Oh! Hey! Heyyy…I was just um…doing…some…last minute ideas. Yeah…Ahem. Is everything okay?” He composed himself after trying to explain, shoving the duck’s body out of your view. You stifled a giggle and smiled, his anxiety was always just a little cute. “You weren’t in bed when I woke up.”

“Sorry sweetheart, I…couldn't sleep. Did I wake you when I left?” He stood up and came closer to you, placing his hands on your shoulders and pulling the blanket a little more snuggly around you.

“You didn't, but I…um…” Your voice caught in your throat as you began to try to explain. You hoped he hadn't noticed, but he did. His eyes softened but there was a tinge of regret in his face.

“Nightmare?” He asked. It was a simple question, but it didn't need more explanation. He had enough experience of sleepless nights himself to know exactly what had woken you up.

You looked down at your slippers and nodded. You could hear him sigh as one of his hands moved into your hair, you could feel his nails against your scalp as he brushed through your locks slowly. He pulled you closer to him, wrapping his arms around you and holding you tightly.

You looked up at him, holding back tears and trying not to focus on the scenes of the dream that flooded your mind. His arms around you made you feel a little better, but even Lucifer’s presence couldn’t drive away the horrid images. “Can you…can we go back to bed? Please?” You asked him.

“Of course angel, I won’t leave you alone like that again. Let's get you back to bed.” he quickly scooped you up into his arms and you were forced to loop your arms and legs around him as he picked you up. It was a little awkward with how small his frame was, but he loved doing it regardless, his angel strength making carrying you a simple task no matter your size. A smattering of pink bloomed over your face but you didn't protest as he carried you back to your shared bedroom.

He laid you down gently, pushing a strand of hair out of your face as he kissed your forehead. His smile was sweet and sincere but you could see something else hidden in his eyes. Regardless he laid down next to you, pulling the blankets up over the both of you and snapping his fingers to turn the lights off.

Which immediately made you impulsively yelp. Your entire body jumped and you rushed to cling to him, throwing your arms around his body and burying your head in his chest. One of his hands instinctively wrapped around you.

Lucifer snapped his fingers again quickly, turning the lights back on. “(y/n)?! What’s wrong? Are you okay?” he asked, looking down at you. Panic laced his voice. He was scared that something had hurt you somehow.

You looked up at him, the pink hue from earlier returning from embarrassment. “I’m fine Luci…sorry. I…um…could we leave a light on or something? Please?” you looked away from him, feeling embarrassed for asking for something so silly.

He placed a thumb under your chin, turning your face to look at him. He looked at you with a face of understanding and a sympathetic smile. “Hey, it’s alright. I’ll make a nightlight for you, okay? We don't have to sleep in the dark if it's too scary for you right now.”

You couldn't help but smile a little at how accommodating he was sometimes. “Thanks, Luci.”

“Anything to see you smile sweetheart.” He pointed a finger at the ceiling and golden light shot out of his fingertip, coating the ceiling in an image of a pond where chubby fluffy ducks were lounging on top of the water’s surface. Afterwards, he snapped his fingers for a third time now and the lights went out again, but the ceiling continued to glow with the pond image, casting a soft golden light over the room.

You relaxed into Lucifer’s body, resting your head against his chest while staring up at the “nightlight” he had created. He watched as your body relaxed and the tension melted away, relieving some of his own stress as well. He took one of your hands in his, running a pointed nail gently across the back of your hand.

“I'm sorry I wasn't here when you needed me, my angel. I didn’t mean to leave you all alone.”

You tilted your head up and kissed him gently. “It’s okay, Luci. Really. You're here now and that’s what matters.” A small grin broke out on his face from your kiss. You heard a ruffle of feathers before you saw them; his wings fluttered out from behind him and came to rest around the two of you, encasing the both of you in a soft cocoon of fluff, acting as a blanket.

You sighed contently, happy to finally feel safe again in your own home with Lucifer next to you. He placed his chin on top of your head and pulled you closer to him, holding you gently but still firmly enough to chase the visions of your nightmare away for good. With your head on his chest and the sound of his heartbeat fluttering a lullaby in your ear, you were able to fall back asleep, this time snuggled securely in Lucifer’s arms, the ex-angel on guard for any more nightmares that would try to come your way. 

[seaside-writings]

Well, well, well! Hello. all you lovely people! It's been a hot minute since I did one of these lol.

As you can all probably tell, I've been dragged kicking and screaming back into Gravity Falls by "The Book of Bill." Because of this, I wanted to make a prompt list from all of my favorite lines of darker dialogue from the book.

Now I know this book is filled with dark dialogue from front to back, but these are the ones that stood out the most to me, and I know they stood out to others as well.

I hope you all enjoy this list, and if you use any of these prompts, please credit/tag me so I can come check out what you’ve created!

I hope you all stay blessed and safe throughout your day.

Lots of Love & Wishes: Celia 💙△💛👁️‍🗨️🖤

P.s. I did add some lines from the Axolotl’s poem I just felt like they fit well in this mess.

"Until there was no one left but me, covered in blood, alone in the universe,"

"Turn back while you still can, or live forever with the regret,"

"It infects other books!"

"Any regrets about causing the apocalypse?"

"Blame the arson for the fire."

"It's not with it. Trust me. You have to trust me,"

"Love is a trick and worst of all it's a trick you play on yourself,"

"Even his lies are lies,"

"I don't want to die alone,"

"I'm broken wanna fix me?"

"Once you kill with one of these, it becomes a "serious straw,"

"This book has no codes,"

"They don't even consider for a single moment the sheer improbability that they got to exist in the ONE timeline where they kept all of their bodily organs,"

"Maybe one day in the future all their good luck will finally run out,"

"I've peered into the souls of the madmen, but this was the first time I'd been in a mind that was collapsing like a neutron star,"

"Your world is controlled by dark invisible forces that need to operate in the shadows to maintain their power,"

"Some desperate part of him seemed to be trying to heal himself, hoping to weld his memories back together like one of his robots,"

"For the first time, I felt a kind of pain that wasn't hilarious,"

"Nightmares about trying to wash blood off her hands that never comes out,"

"Recurring nightmares about overhearing a fight between his parents he wasn't supposed to hear. Why do you think they were in such a rush to get the kids out the door for the Summer?"

"A single spark from the memory inferno hit me, and a hole sizzled straight through me like a laser through butter,"

"And if I ran into any symbols, I'd be ready,"

"Their screams getting louder and louder."

"Listen not to his lies!"

"And he tended to rip out journal pages that had anything to do with his issues with others… especially me,"

"Is my strange way of seeing the universe a gift or a curse?"

"Is loneliness just the cost of greatness? And if it is… how long am I fated to endure?"

"On your own, you're a bunch of sepia-tinted nobodies destined for the dumpster of history,"

"Although the day had begun with us as strangers, it ended with us as brothers, bonded by vengeance and a newfound hatred,"

"Someone had reversed the Shaman's spell and had summoned me back! Who would it be?! A genius? An idiot? Oh. Oh my goodness me. Yes. It was both,"

"Can you collect them all before the end-times come?"

"How about that; you've got an inferior clone! Why didn't you just eat him in the womb? Think of how powerful you'd be!"

"Assemble all seven collectibles to open the seal,"

"The perfect weight to kill a man,"

"Says he's happy, he's a liar,"

"I grow maddened."

"A different form, a different time."

"He looked distant, more distant than I'd ever seen him before,"

"By a monster."

"He laughed joylessly,"

"It would eat you alive."

"Trust no one,"

"As the chanting grew louder, the forest was suddenly engulfed in flames, screaming laughter echoing, and then- I awake on the floor, gasping for breath,"

"I could see in the third dimension,"

"But being special comes with a price,"

"I've shut down the portal! Damn it all!"

"My mind reels from horror and humiliation! How could I have been so foolish!?"

"Saw his own dimension burn, misses home, and can’t return."

"I was wrong about everything!"

"Break my bones if you must, but you cannot break my will!"

"No, I won't give him the satisfaction! Instead of destroying my work, I'll destroy him instead!"

"That's because I've been knock-knocking your skull against the wall!"

"Has he done this before?? How far would he go?"

"I keep coughing up spiders,"

"My heart was in my throat until I heard the dial tone… the pay phone was out of order. The message hadn't gotten through,"

"You're my property. Don't forget it,"

"You gave me your blood, You let me into your mind!"

"From the graves around me arose a horde of cackling cadavers eyes aglow,"

"Why are you doing this?! Why won't you just leave me alone?"

"Without me, you'll always feel unseen, surrounded by dolts who don't recognize your true potential,"

"You've always felt alone in a crowd, haven't you? Who else will give you this feeling again?"

"Even if you got rid of me, you'd miss me. Admit it, you'd miss me,"

"The hillbilly abandoned you, your father won't want you returning without millions, you have no friends, and if you died out here in the snow. who would even miss you?"

"I have no one else,"

“I awoke from the hallucination, heart pounding, to find myself back in my living room, clock ticking, record skipping- and began to weep,”

"What if… he mocks me? What if he sees that I abandoned our family to become a recluse on the brink of madness?"

"Where did you all go? WHERE DID-"

"Shame is a powerful emotion. But if grows even more in the dark,"

"I thought I was protecting my family, but I was really protecting myself… from humiliation,"

"No, they mean nothing to you!"

"Because no matter what the idiot counselors in this smiling cage say, I don't need anyone, I never have, and I don't miss any of them!"

"I'm fine,"

"This morning I awoke to find my knuckles bloody and sore. He must have been punching and scraping the steel door like a caged animal all night in a frenzy to get in,"

“Someday… someone… will let… me… out,”

[thezombieprostitute]

Mace + 38?

...because they're running out of time.

Ask is based on this post.

A/N: My brain went a little weird on this one. I've never written this kind of fantasy setting before. Feedback would be greatly appreciated!

Word Count: < 1k

Warnings: Mild violence. Please let me know if I missed any!

Mace was always a bit of an oddball in his village. While his people were naturally afraid of the rough seas and violent tides, he found them calming. When others had the sense of mind to stay away from the shores and piers, he was walking along them, breathing deep and enjoying sounds, smells, feel of the wind and sea creating their chaos.

He couldn't explain why enjoyed it so he never bothered to try. Some people would whisper that there was selkie blood in his family history. That his great-grandfather had caught himself a selkie and Mace had inherited some of her wild nature. Mace never cared for those rumors. Every selkie story he'd ever heard involved a poor soul being trapped by a human and never allowed freedom. His memories of his great-grandparents were scarce but by all accounts they had a happy marriage.

So he refused to give them credence, refused to let the rumors get to him, and just let himself enjoy the things he enjoyed. No need to overthink it or let others affect the calm he felt during these times.

One evening Mace went walking further than usual. He'd gotten into an argument with the town elders, trying to convince them of the need to incorporate greenhouses to keep a steady food supply for their growing village. They kept arguing that current preparation and reliance on fishing was enough. When they refused to listen to the data he'd collected he lost his temper and ended up punching one of them.

Thankfully the walk and the waves were helping. And then he heard the giggling, laughing screams. Mace knew there were no other villages nearby and no one else in his own village would be out here. Curious, he walked carefully towards the sounds.

That's how he found the three women, naked, swimming in the rough waters and laughing. As his shock fades, he finds himself smiling, mesmerized by the women and their laughter. It takes a while for him to realize his presence might scare them so he turns to walk away but trips over something.

He looks at his feet and is dumbfounded to see three sealskins. Certain that it couldn't be what he thought, Mace ran and hid. He needed to make sure. He watched and waited for the women to leave, to not grab the sealskins. So as not to be caught, he hid himself behind the trees so he would only be able to hear them. Occasionally peeking out to see confirm they were still swimming.

As the sun was reaching the horizon, he heard footsteps approaching. Carefully peering out from behind the tree he saw Harvey, another man from his village who was a strong candidate for leadership in the village. Thinking he was looking for him, Mace headed towards Harvey but stopped short when he saw Harvey pick up one of the sealskins and grin.

“Harvey? What are you doing?”

The other man turned in surprise and tried to run but Mace was too fast. He caught him and pulled him into a hold.

“Again, what are you doing, Harvey?”

“They're selkies,” Harvey confessed. “My grandfather told me about this beach. Said it's how he got himself a wife. Figured I'd do the same.”

“You can't be serious,” Mace scoffed.

“It's true! I know it sounds crazy but they're actually selkies!”

“No,” Mace scolded. “You can't seriously expect me to believe this is how you want to get yourself a wife!”

“What? It's not like they're real people,” Harvey scoffed. “Are you upset because you're one of them? Well guess what, I'm descended from them, too! It's okay!”

Mace adjusts his hold so that he's choking Harvey. “Drop the sealskin. Go home. And never come to this beach again.”

“You don't have the right! I've got the pull of the entire village. If I tell them you've threatened me, you'll be kicked out.”

“At least I won't be a monster,” Mace growled. He tightened his grip until Harvey finally dropped the skin. When he did, Mace practically threw the man in the direction of the village. “I'll be watching you,” he vowed, his voice tight with menace. Harvey gave him a sneer but ran back to the village.

Behind him he hears, “well that was very brave of you.” He turns around and sees one of the women he'd been watching. As a show of good faith he steps away from the sealskin. She quickly grabs it up, “I only have a minute to get this on before the sun goes down.” Grabbing the front of Mace's shirt she pulls him towards her and gives him a deep kiss. “Next time we'll talk.”

She turns and runs back to the water, joining the other two and quickly putting on her sealskin. The three seals swim away from the beach as the sun sets and Mace knows his life has changed forever.

Tagging @alicedopey; @icefrozendeadlyqueen; @ronearoundblindly

[glaciertea]

Masterlist here~

Tales the Songs Weave

Ch.10<< >>Ch.12

CW: PinV, smut, light bondage, oral sex, all that fun jazzy smut

Chapter 11: Same Way that my Whole World's in Your Eyes...

Word count: 6K

It wasn't much. A nice kitchen that was barely touched. Clothes, tools, and other technology pieces were scattered about the floor. His bedroom had one dresser, with the solitary turntable and records you gifted him decorating it, and a gigantic California king bed. There was a long pane glass window in his main living and bedroom overlooking the twinkling lights of Nueva York.

Truly a magnificent sight to behold.

You both decided to just relax on his provisional bed, laying on your backs and staring at the ceiling. It was past midnight, and neither one of you could fall asleep.

“You know, Miggy, I've been meaning to ask, what do you do to relax? Besides coming over to my place.” You propped yourself on your elbows, turning your attention on to his bright, red eyes.

“Huh. Well, let's see. I enjoy–I do enjoy listening to music. Going to the park where we met. Side note, why were you there so late?”

"I wanted to clear my head. The park is only ten minutes away from my building, so I decided to just go. Why did you go?”

“Something told me to go. I guess gut instinct? I usually try to use my head more, but it won that round.”

You crawled and perched yourself on his chest, lightly stroking his face. “I'm glad it won.”

“I'm glad it did too.” His arms linked around your waist.

“Now, back to the matter at hand, is that all you like to do? Music and the occasional trip to the park?”

Miguel pressed his tongue against the inside of his cheek. “I… I can't think of anything else. I don't really have unlimited days and hours to do things I enjoy.”

“What about right now?”

His face twisted into a pensive daze. It barely crosses his mind that he appoints days for you. How prominent you're in his mind–that you capture so much of him.

“Huh. Well, I guess you can count this.”

“We can move on from this subject if you'd like.” Your forehead was placed on his.

“Quiero hablar de esto. It's okay, mi Luna. In a way, you're right. I see visiting you as a customary routine. That it's etched into another part of my day, but moments I profoundly enjoy.”

Miguel turned to the glass opening, concentrating on the artificial blinking lights that engulfed the world.

“But is it wrong to say I feel guilty?”

“Guilty when you leave your work?” You buried your head in his chest.

“I can't pinpoint the exact reason, or maybe I do. When I don't return, the burden dissolves but also manages to clutch onto that trepidation.”

“Miggy, are you still talking about your job?” You peered up at him.

Miguel leans his head back, vacancy plastering his face. “But does it truly wane? There's so much wrong, so many errors that I can't rectify, that I start to believe—no, do believe—I'm not worth…”

Miguel draws to you a solemnity that glosses over.

“Miguel?” You clamp your palms on the sides of his jawline.

“I'm sorry, mi corazón. I got lost in thought.”

“Are you okay? It sounded as if it was haunting your mind.”

“Haunting?”

You nodded. “Your eyes glazed over, fixed on something. You masked a stony facade, but your eyes had this faint, bleak, and ghastly look. What were you going to say? Do you believe you're not worth what?”

He averted back to the transparent window, a steady sigh spilling out. “That I'm not worth it. That I-I… shouldn't belong. That I'm this rancorous being with little to give. This monster that consumes others and brings them down."

You deadpanned for a moment, then slowly a choleric expression replaced it. Pressing his cheeks together until his lips puckered, you roughly placed your forehead on his.

“Don't you ever say that about yourself! You are worth every second, every minute, every hour, and every day! You aren't a monster; you are this amazing man who does his damndest to do good and to give so much to everyone and everything, and I want this man to do the same for himself! I want my star to see that he is just as bright and wanted as the others!” 

Your heart drummed uncontrollably. Miguel was stunned at your sudden, blazing obstinacy.

“I-I'm sorry. I didn't-” He was left shell-shocked.  

Having someone be passionate about how he perceives himself was an unconventional circumstance for him. He's so used to the belittling and snide remarks from others that all forms of positivity are out of the ordinary. 

“Don't be sorry, Miggy. Well, you can tell yourself sorry. Don't talk down on yourself when you're far, far from those things. Do you understand?”

“Si. Si, mi Luna. Ay… ¿Qué hice para que alguien tan maravilloso como tú descienda a mi vida?”

“French! I took French!”

“Yes, yes, you did.” Miguel flipped you over, garnering a squeal from you.  

He compressed a bit of his weight on your body and kissed your lips over and over before lingering for a few seconds.

“Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?”

“Any chance you can get.” You enfolded your arms around his broad shoulders.

“Then I'll keep saying it. You are beautiful, my moon. How you adorn life and the ones around you, no matter where you go, you illuminate the paths with a glow that will never fade.”

A croaking screech belted from you, and your eyes began to well up with tears. 

“Mi Luna, you okay?”

“Yes! I'm okay! Just caught–caught off guard.” You planted your face on the side of his neck.

Then that fragrance smacked him. He removed his hands from your sides, digging his claws into the sheets. He groaned, doing his best to control himself.

“Miggy? Alright, there is something going on, and I'm getting anxious. This is the third time you have had this… reaction. What's wrong, mi Estrella?”

‘You should be ashamed, you sick pervert.’ It was one of the only sentences echoing in his conscious. ‘She is going to be appalled by your disgusting ways.’ Was one of the only assumptions he was falling for.

Yet, when he peers into those eyes, all he sees is earnest empathy. That you’ll take the time to understand, no matter what is propelled in your direction.

Despite the destructive beliefs he holds, he will let you in.

One string lies dormant.

“I-I… Since I have these enhanced... complications, I'm able to–I'm able to smell when you're about to... start your cycle?” He winced, his voice drawing out.

“Oh. You know, I think the app I have said I'm supposed to start in the next few days.” You rubbed your chin, closing one eye, as your brain tried to remember. 

“I- you're not mad about that?”

“No, why would I? You're basically like a personalized, super-scent humanoid app. Ah, that sounds bad when I put it into those terms.”

“Ay, no, no, I understand what you're trying to say.” 

Miguel gritted his teeth, avoiding your stare as he demeaned himself for a request he wanted. Despite him sparing no effort to shy away, you realized his chagrined feeling. 

You wanted to help him. You would just have to leave earlier to make a pit-stop over to a pharmacy, but it'll be all worth it.

“How does it affect you? I mean, I can take a gander, but I just want to be a hundred percent about it.”

“I just get so tense, and my blood boils to the point I can't even control myself. That's why earlier on the roof, I almost bit you because your aroma was so strong. Well, if you're about to start, that's probably the reason why.”

You gnawed on your bottom lip, enquiring about your options. 

“Off.” You simply commanded and patted his chest. 

Confused, he creased his brows before following your instructions. His mind began to scramble, disconcerted by what exactly you were masterminding. 

Sitting up, you flung your legs around his, straddling on them. “So, if I'm understanding this correctly, you basically get hot and bothered?”

You swept your thumbs against his digital suit. “And you need to have it taken care of? A sort of intervention?”

Interested in where this was headed, even though he caught the implications, he tightened his lips, not daring his mouth to open, and bowed his head.

“Well, if I'm causing this stimulation, then I should be the one to help, right?”

While leisurely caressing his thighs, you hypothetically watch his form for any minor differences. Rather, it may be from facial expressions to the body itself.

“Si. But, mi Luna, don't do this because you feel obligated to. I want you to be just as comfortable, and I don't want to-”

“Get rid of it.”

That dour attitude lunged out of nowhere. Miguel was keenly aware of how precisely doting you can get for your feelings for him, but never so frank with it.

“Corazón, are you sure?”

A roguish grin spread on your lips. You inched your hands towards his not-so-discreet bulge, your digits brushing against the fabric, concealing it.

“Is this answering your question?” You pressed your pointer finger on it, leaving feather-like touches around the outline. 

Miguel sharply sucked in a gulp of air, your eyes enthralling him as if you were a siren. 

A siren he will follow until the end of the universe. 

“Remove the suit for me, Miggy. Let me help you.” You bent over right up to his ear. 

“Let me worship you.” Your warm breath tickled his earlobe and part of his neck. 

No hesitation; he got rid of his gear from neck to toe. Body burning with desires for you and what you were cooking up. 

Your devilish grin dropped a bit, ogling at Miguel. You both haven't done anything explicitly sexual in your relationship, minus the few heated makeout sessions that usually lead to Miguel's shirt being thrown in a corner, but that's how far you would go. 

It was mostly due to you being afraid you would be inadequate for someone like him. 

And the same went for Miguel.

You bug-eyed at his size. You often daydreamed about how endowed he was. You were acutely aware that he was going to be large and highly telling due to his dimensions, yet being face-to-face with it was a new ballgame.

A drop of sweat trickled down to your cheek as you visibly gulped. Miguel, alerted, began to materialize his suit back on when a hiss revealed itself to him.

You groped him in your hand, pumping up and down in a steady rhythm. 

“No. Don't. I'm just not used to something this big, but I'm not backing down from this, oh no, mi Estrella. I'm going to take this one head first.” 

You slyly winked as your pace kept that firm pattern, your lips licking at the sight of him. He belonged in a museum. You felt so selfish, hoarding this sculptured man away from everyone, although you craved to keep him all to yourself. 

Miguel bit his lip, grunting through his teeth at your soft yet strong grip. “Joder, Luna mía, no sabes cuánto tiempo llevo queriendo sentir tus delicadas y suaves manos sobre mí de esta manera.”

Groaning out, he dipped his head back, his hips bucking with your strokes. 

“There you go, mi Estrella, let loose, my love.”

The only light to shine through was the city. You took in how the dazzling hues melded into a bewitching array over his chest and parts of his face. 

You always inquired about how you were blessed with him.

Picking up speed, you adored every appearance his face created as you continued to work your magic. Precum was leaking down, some slipping through your fingers as squelches from his self-made lubricant blessed both of your ears.

“There's so much, Miggy. How often do you think of me? Of us? Of your moon taking care of you?”

You squeezed, causing Miguel to violently toss his head back as your nails carefully scraped down his length.

“¡Mierda! So much, mi Luna, so, so much. Necesito tu boca, por favor, corazón, tus bonitos y tentadores labios a mi alrededor, mi luna. Ah–¡Por favor!”

“What was that, mi Estrella?” Your tone rang out with a melodic chirp. Your hand jerked in a wild, twisting motion as his manhood throbbed from the strain you were creating. 

“Your mouth–fuck! I need that pretty little mouth. Por favor, mi Luna.” Miguel rasped out, enthralled at how you were already breaking him. 

The cheeky grin never once left your lips. You tilted your head downward to view your handiwork, your other hand searching its way and latching onto the thick shaft.

You could barely cover it as your palms gyrated at different tempos. More drops of the clear substance dribbled out from the swollen tip. Miguel gritted his teeth, his fangs grazing the bottom of his gums from the sensations. 

He hasn't felt this way in years. If not, better. Even when those previous one-night stands or self-pleasing himself indulged, it couldn't compete with your touch or swift motions. How delicate yet robust your hands moved, using every fiber to care for him and make him feel good.

And it only made him want you more. 

“Mi Luna–Ah–please your- fuck–your mouth.” Miguel couldn't contain the hoarseness in his throat.

You eyeballed the phallus in your hands. The more you pumped, the further that tingle in between your thighs grew.

The veins popping out, the heat warming up your fingers with every stroke, and the flowing liquid from his heightened arousal. His musk emits, mixing with the scent of pure desires.

Your mouth watered as you still gripped the pulsating member. Your head was leaning down as your eyes faced his reddened head.

Moistening your lips, you kissed it. A shock coursed all over Miguel. He released a low, husky groan, his hips bucking more involuntarily. 

“Mi Luna.”

“I see you, mi Estrella. I see you.”

Observing his face, you made sure he was receiving the pleasure he deserved. 

Trailing light kisses from top to bottom and back up. You licked the tip, swirling your tongue at a slow speed. His talons shoved in the thin bedsheets and the firm mattress. He rumbled out a growl, preventing himself from just forcing you all the way down on him. 

“Eso es todo- ah, corazón, más, necesito más.” 

Miguel abruptly thrusted upward as you instinctively grasped his thighs to prevent yourself from tumbling over. Not wishing to tease him anymore, you gradually engulfed him, as drool immediately emanated from the corners of your lips.

“Corazón, yes, there you go, bebita. Just like that.” His eyes fluttered into the back of his skull.

You moaned from the sensations as you took each inch at a deliberately methodical rate. You had to have one hand back around his shaft, loosening your cheeks to even attempt to make it halfway. 

“Mmph–mmm!” You gargled as more spit spurted out. 

Miguel entangled his unsheathed claw in your hair, pushing you down and impelling you to take another part of him. 

“Si- si, si, mi Luna. Tu boca es una dicha eterna, mi corazón. Toma más, puedes tomar más.” 

Tears pricked in your eyes as your hand was back on his defined thigh. You were so close to getting him all in. Feeling every inch as it would glide against your tongue, rubbing against your inner cheeks whenever you'd sucked in. 

Noisy suction reverberated in the air as pools of your saliva and his salty substance dripped onto his lower pelvis region and thighs. 

You were leaking from him. Your tongue was whirling around delicately and deliciously, as if he were the final meal you would ever be given. His tip nearly stretched to hit the back of your throat, and as hot tears streamed down your face as you peered up to look at his beautiful expressions.

“Mi Luna!” Miguel moaned, his hold strengthening. “So close, I'm so close, corazón. Fuck–so good, so good.”

He stroked along your jawline, admiring the sight below him. Your teeth feebly grazed his cock, faintly biting enough to send jolts through his body. Enough to elicit a growl from him. 

Enough to face-fuck you. 

“Mmmm! Mmmph–mmn!” You could only choke.

Your throat trembled around him and tightened with every thrust he gave. You were comforted when you saw pleasure written across his face. You were making him feel good, and in this moment, that's what truly mattered.

Miguel cried out. With his hips ramming up into you, he couldn't hold back any longer. That heat he wanted to experience from you was built inside of him. He was close, and you sensed it.

“Mi Luna!” 

With a powerful roar, he finally released, pulsating waves upon waves of his hot seed down your pretty throat.

“Mmph!” Your eyes rutted wide as he spilled into your mouth, some leaking down to your neck. Nails dug into his thighs, and your eyes wanted to stare into his. He was majestic in your vision. 

You desperately desired to capture this moment forever. 

Gulping the final drop, you pulled away with a satisfying pop and heaved tirelessly. 

“My… my God, Miggy. That was so much—holy shit.” You gasped, wiping some of his essence off your face with your fingertips before greedily lapping it up.

“I haven't done that in so long. Was it good? Was I good?” You rested your behind on his knees and finally peered up at him. 

He had a fixed, ferocious glare. His burning, red eyes stirred something wild in them. 

Goosebumps swept over you. You didn't know what to expect. “Was... was it- was I not good enou-”

He was sitting up, looming over. You shrank, neglecting exactly how colossal he was compared to you. That vibrant, captivating stare only made you tremor violently more.

“Mi-Miguel…” Your throat quivered.

In a swift motion, your back was against the wall above the mattress. Miguel had you pinned, his strong arms holding up your thighs as your legs dangled over his shoulders. You didn't even register how quickly he got you in this position.  

“Miguel!”

“Ay, mi corazón, did you really think I wasn't going to reward you? That I was going to allow mi Luna to do all the work?”

He huffed a stream of sultry breaths on your covered inner thigh. “No, no. I'm going to show mi corazón that I can be good to her, just as she was good to me.”

He tore your sweatpants off in one fell swoop, muttering about buying you some more. Your chest heaved in rapid succession, head bowed as you watched how Miguel gaped at the massive damp spot from the earlier ministrations you performed. 

“Did my moon enjoy going down on her papi that much?” His sharp talons pricked at your soft skin.

You diverted to observe the night's horizons, the lower half of your body barely able to shift under his hold. 

“Look at me.” His authoritative tone barked out. 

You nearly came from that. Flicking back to him, his lips were hazardously near your shielded folds. “Tell me what you want, mi Luna.” 

“I-I…” You shrouded your face with your hands, mortified at the abundance of slick arousal seeping out of you.

His claws dug deeper into your skin as he stared you down, and his pupils dilated. 

“Don't be shy, mi Luna. Tell me what you want.”

He trailed kisses back and forth from your inner thighs, massaging your buttocks. You were practically trickling from your private region. Mortified that you can effortlessly get to this point with him. 

Miguel rested his cheek on your soft flesh, switching between kissing and licking exceedingly close to your bikini line. 

Miguel wasn't one to be a patient man, but for you, he would wait until the end of time, only when you spoke the words. 

“I-I want–”

“I won't begin, mi Luna, unless I hear it from those sexy little lips.” He purred, biting the crevice of your thigh, weary of his fangs. “So tell your Estrella, what. You. Want.”

He feverishly nipped the skin, running his wet tongue across it. He received a low whine as you shuddered at the wet appendage. 

“Miguel! Eat me out—please, please, I beg of you!” Your head flung back, not caring about the self-impact of the barrier behind you. 

You just wanted him.

“Como quieras, mi Luna.” His eyes darkened and delved in, lapping at the damp fabric with no hesitation.

You clung to his hair, your nails digging into his scalp. His claws tighten their vice on your supple ass-cheeks. 

Miguel traced the outlines of your folds before flattening his tongue, pushing against your hidden vulva. The murky cloth rubbing against you and Miguel's tongue heightened your sensitivity.  

You choked out a groan when you detected the tip of his talons making perfect slits down the back of your underwear before slashing the rest off of you.

“Mi Luna lo quiere, mi luna lo anhela. No temas, mi corazón, te daré todo lo que mereces.” 

He admired the glistening heat, watching as it squeezed for him, savoring your fragrance. You mewled, abashed by the situation. 

You didn't know what was to come or what to expect, but when you gazed into those lustful eyes, fear snuck its way through... and exhilaration.

“It looks succulent. I had the appetizer; now I want the full course.” 

His hot breath teased your entrance before enveloping you in his mouth. His carnal tongue licking your labia, tasting your sweet and salty juices. 

He stirred his tongue over the folds, dragging it all around, refusing to miss a single inch, then jutted in and out of your gushing core. 

“Oh fuck–fuck! Miggy! Shit, shit, shit!” You wailed out, tingles rushing up and down your limbs.

Miguel was untamed, ravishing that soaking pussy. His movements were possessive, like a predator claiming its prey, yet behind it all was tenderness and longing. 

“Mmmph.” A guttural growl sends vibrations through your sex, creating white stars in your eyes. 

Thrashing your head from side to side, Miguel slid his appendage out and began to slurp. His tongue moved up to the clitoris, thumping it a few times, then he proceeded back down and repeated the pattern.

“Mi Estrella! Ah–ah! If you do that, I'll—I'll—fuck!”

Miguel only amped up. He paid attention to every sensitive spot on your honeyed pussy. He needed to drink your delectable juices as if you were the only thing left to drink in the world.

The raw energy from Miguel drove you into a frenzy. He was rough and powerful, but each impel was for your pleasure alone. 

“I'm coming, Miggy! I'm coming!”

You cried out, clamping down on his tongue, and shuddered as waves erupted from your core. Your back arched off the wall, and your heels dug into Miguel's upper back. 

He wanted to drink every drop as some trickled down to his chin. 

“Qué dulce, qué apropiado para alguien como tú.”

Your forehead covered in sweat and thighs soaking wet, Miguel's ego brewed at the sight. 

He did that. And he was going to be the only one to see you like this. To make you feel this way. 

“How was that, mi Luna?” He nipped at the outer thigh and moved to clean up the rest of the spillage.

Your half-lidded, absent daze was all Miguel needed to know. He chuckled and strummed your back, loosening his grasp, and unlatched your legs, dropping you until they were locked around his waist. 

He weaved his strong arms around your torso, listening to your steady breathing. He stroked your hair, then pressed a kiss on your forehead. 

“You did wonderful, mi Luna. But there is still one thing. Well, two.”

Too jaded to even respond, a puzzled whine escaped you. 

“I'm a selfish man, mi corazón, and my thirst isn't quite quenched.” He yanked your head back, and his tongue ran over your neck.

You gasped, your body aching in anticipation. He peeled you off him and onto the firm padding as you were positioned as an angel descending from the heavens. 

“Oh mi Luna, ¿cómo tuve tanta suerte de tener a alguien como tú en mi vida? Todavía estoy tan desconcertado que fui yo quien te recibió.”

Miguel shifted off until his knees were on the wooden floor. He seized a hold of the thin cover you were on top of and hauled you to him.

“I still want more. But this time, I'm going to take my time with this dessert. Well, I'll try.”

“What do you mean?” You struggled to hide the intoxicated fright from whimpering out.

“You know exactly what I mean, mi Luna.”

He lingered over your body, roaming over it with his eyes. His hands stroked over every roll, dip, and curve, crushing his lips into yours. 

Your tongues in an intense, messy battle as you tasted yourself. A string of saliva broke when he pulled back, both of your chests rising and falling in near sync.

“I'll let you pick, mi corazón. One or both?” His hands tugged your shirt off and threw it in a corner. 

“B-both?” You were perplexed by those choices.

“Good choice.”

Yanking your bra up, he hungrily gazed at your perfect breasts, craving to have a nibble, maybe even a mouthful. 

You covered them, forcing him to pin each of your arms near your face with his organic web.

“Miguel!” You moaned out, flushed over the new position.

“Do not try to hide that body from me. Yes sir?” He snarled out.

“Yes, yes! I promise I won't do it again!”

“Good girl. But just for safe measures.”

He spread your legs wide until they touched the mattress. He thwiped more of his silk webbing on your waist, ankles, and thighs.

You were exposed, your heart palpitating as you could barely even squirm.

“Now, mi Luna said both, correcto?”

You meekly nodded your head. With that, he needed no more. He cupped your breasts, squeezing and pinching the hardened nipples brutally. You moan in ecstasy as Miguel brushes his talons against the sensitive buds before colliding them together.

“Both.” He grunted and took both nipples in his mouth, licking them maniacally.

He tugs and chews at them, making sure to leave love-bites all over your chest. You groan out raspily when one hand leaves your chest and scrapes down your stomach in a non-stop motion, halting at your entrance. 

A popping sound was made when he released one of your peaks.

“So wet again, mi Luna? Don't worry, I can fix that.” He took your left nipple back into his mouth, circling your clit with his thumb.

“Fuck! Oh–ah! Mmmn–Miguel!”

He plunged his pointer and middle into you, your walls clasping around them. Your back lifted up, only to be pulled back down from the binding.

He drove his digits deep into your core, his palms smacking against the folds as your juices spewed onto his hands.

Your lashes were wet from the sensual stirring from inside and your throat was hoarse from the screams and cries.

Miguel leaned his heavy chest on your stomach, leaving kisses all over your upper torso as you squished with every pump of his fingers.

“Mi corazón, you are so tight. I can feel every part of you. I will feel your wetness and your walls tightening around this cock. You want that, mi Luna? You want papi's fat cock to ravage and paint this gorgeous pussy?”

You could only sob as Miguel stretched you, rubbing against the top wall and locating your g-spot. His fingers create circular spirals against it. 

You wailed, your heart was ready to burst from your chest. Silent cries and more tears, until Miguel stole another sloppily kiss from you, bruising your lips with his, desiring for you to release all over his fingers.

“You don't know how long I've waited for this; you adorn my life, my moon. You make me want to be better; you make me want to- to—damn it, corazón!”

Miguel pushed himself off you, removing his fingers, as you wailed out from the stoppage.

“Miggy! I was close! I was so—ahh! Mi Estrella!”

Miguel replaced his fingers with his tongue once more, his mouth on your pussy as he was ready to devour you. He stroked his swollen member, the clear liquid leaking out in ripples.

He didn't even want to speak anymore; he only wanted to hear those needy, shuddering moans and screams. His hums added more pleasure to their moment of passion.

He yearned for this. To make you come undone over and over.

He wanted to hold you, cherish you, please you, and protect you. He only wanted you. 

And in this moment, he has that. He had one thing he longed for.

How long would this last? No, not right now. He didn't want to think that way. Now, he only wanted to make you orgasm on his tongue.

Snatching the webs from your thighs and ankles, he hoisted you up until your hips were in the air, your legs once more propped over his shoulders.

“I can't—I-I-I love—ahh!” 

You were blubbering like a fool, with drool and tears drenching your face and sweat shining all over your body. Miguel gnawed at your clit, the glossy muscle, abusing your insides. He went raw and feral; he wanted you. He wanted this. He needed you.

Your walls tensed at every plunge, Miguel's eyes locking onto yours. Cradling you in one arm to support your waist, he returned to pumping himself.

You were on cloud nine, ten, and eleven. His nose swiping your throbbing clit, him feasting on you as if you were the final meal.

Your raw whines of lust were tipping Miguel over as his cock ached for you, wanting to invade your heated, velvety wall.

To mold you for him.

“I can't—I can't hold back, mi corazón!”

Pulling back, your legs collapsed on the sturdy cushions. Your vision was foggy, searing at the marbled statue that was Miguel. You crooned out as he hunched over you, his girth in his hand.

How it gleamed in the light, presenting every vein from thick to thin, the swollen phallus coated in crystalline cum, making it sheen and sleek.

You were hypnotized by the pulsating, twitching with every tug he made. 

And that's when it hit you. 

That was all for you. You cried out as Miguel buckled onto the mattress, his face near yours.

“I'm not going to have mi luna wait any longer. I'm going to fuck you until the only thing you can remember is me and this cock.” He huskily murmured in your ear, gaining a shudder from you.

“Yes, yes, please, Miggy. Only you, just you!”

You hiked your legs around his waist, latching on to the middle of his back as much as possible. He was big in every shape and form, but you loved it.

Propping an elbow by your arm, he lowered his body onto yours as his abs and muscular chest pinned you down, but he still left enough space for you to breathe. His other hand clutched his cock, lining it up to your seeping entrance.

“Are you ready, mi Luna?”

You bobbed your head.

“Good girl, now let me, mi corazón. Ah fuck–let me just.”

His chapped lips captured yours. You were sugar to him—sweeter than all candies combined. He nibbled your bottom lip, his tongue gliding across yours as he began to penetrate your hot opening.

You immediately clamped around the head, eliciting a gasp from both of you. He tried to push in an inch as slowly as possible, but found it rather difficult.

“Mi corazón, you have to relax. Shit–relax, relax. I got you; I got you.”

You mewled and nodded. With the help of Miguel's finger rubbing circles around your clitoris, you breathed in and out steadily, purring out whenever he slightly rocked his hips.

“There you go, such a good girl; you are doing so well. Fuck, mi Luna.”

He stretched you out more and more, pausing so you could adjust to him. After some help with encouraging rubs from between your thighs and several forehead kisses, Miguel was fully in.

He had to prevent himself from just railing into you as your inner muscles squeezed him.

“You can move, Miguel! Please! Please, please move!”

“Si, si, voy a ser dueño de este coño, moldeado sólo para mí, ah, mi Luna!”

His claws clutched the sheets above you as he slowly began to plunge into your depths. You released a cry to the heavens, feeling every pulse and steady pump from the man above.

You grinded up whenever Miguel thrusted downward, making your hip bones meet with every drive. He lapped at your neck, biting and sucking, leaving more purplish-red hickies all over.

He strived to restrain himself from plowing, but his hearing picked up every lustful squeak and moan, every squelch when he withdraws to the head and propel it back to the hilt, and every sweet nothing you murmured as you drooled and absent-mindedly grinned.

He sped up. Ramming into you repeatedly, plundering your drenched heat.

His member snugged as he experienced every inch of you clinging to him for dear life. His tip bullied your cervix, and you shrieked at every pulse as he rubbed against your walls.

“Too much, Miggy! Oh, fuck—I worship your cock, mi Estrella!”

“That's it, baby. Let go and surrender to me.”

Your nails dug into your palms as Miguel panted and growled in your face. 

Surges of electric tingles through your body. The wet smacking of your pelvises flowed through both of your ears; a symphony of your raw moans and his low, husky huffs had your back slightly curling.

The mattress shifted with each retract and bolt as your breasts bounced in all directions. Your murky fluids gush on his lower abdomen and thighs, blemishing his mattress and soaking it thoroughly.

“Oh, mi corazón, so warm, such a perfect shape for me. Let me look. Let me look.”

Arching his back and hiking your legs up slightly more, you both viewed every exit before Miguel crashed back down to your core, hitting your g-spot perfectly every time.

Every inch of his length coated in your slick. Sweat dripping from his forehead on yours.

You were going to come undone.

“Mi corazón, mi Luna, you're so good. You are too good for me. Just us, just us.”

“Miguel! I'm so close! I'm going; I'm going to—ah!”

“Cum for me, cum for me, mi Luna.” He whispered gruffly in your ear, kissing your cheek.

His balls slapped against your ass from the brutal pace, his flaming irises treasuring every expression. You writhed as you deathly clamped around him.

Miguel hurriedly tore the webs from your wrists as you hooked your arms around his neck.

“Oh Miguel!”

You screamed to the top of your lungs, your eyes rolling into the back of your skull, as a kaleidoscope of hues and shapes blinded your senses. Your legs shook as if you were in a strong earthquake.

Miguel's motions became erratic, his hips moving roughly as he was nearing his own climax. A few more impels, his body tensed up, his seed spilling deep in your core, claws slicing the silken bedsheets.

“Eres mía, mi Luna. Only for me.” He snarled and took you in a sensual open-mouth kiss.

Two strings broke off.

“I-I… holy- mi-mi Estrella, I-”

“Shh, shh. Just relax, mi Luna. Relax. I'll take care of you, mi corazón. I will always take care of you.”

You lulled your head as your muscles unwind. Miguel freed you from the rest of his webs, but you didn't mind it. It felt right in a sense. Being bound up, you detected that security, that sense of trust you both held.

“I'll be here, mi Luna. I will always be.”

Were the last words you heard before your body was shuffled around as you passed out.

At this time, you felt as if things were going to be okay.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

@ella-janehaven @prozacgooble @sanguwuxyoonbummy

[aspd-culture]

aspd and adhd(/possible autism) culture is realizing only once you're out of high school "ohhhhhhh wait, so i thought i wasn't abused growing up, but actually i was and it only stopped due to covid, and that resulted in my osdd system and aspd?"

buckle up, this is Long and definitely classifies as a Vent. honestly, you can ignore the middle section and jump to the next blank line of space if you want.

jesus christ. i was punished more harshly than my peers, i struggled to make friends, i was put into a little school program where board games were used to reinforce good behavior in problem kids which i only realized two months ago, my memory issues (which were always there, but only noticed in fifth grade) got me into so much shit with every authority figure ever, i broke a window using one of those mechanical hamster things that were popular at the time by accident but i didn't care at all, that's just scratching the surface

memories of things have been coming back to me lately. according to my mom i was such a nice little kid, always shared and was polite and highly empathetic, all the goods.

school came along, flipped everything on its head. i remember harassing and hurting animals, and people, and sometimes telling those people not to tell—not because i felt bad but because i didn't want to get into trouble again, it was an inconvenience. my home life was pretty good but other kids left me out of things a lot and sometimes called me names, even the neighbors' kids i liked to hang out with would make me the monster of their games and that does something to a kid (one of them is also the reason i'm a victim of cocsa). when i did something wrong or bad there was only punishment because i "should know not to do that" and so i had to teach myself how to be a functioning and good member of society. i got good at lying towards the end of third grade, the skill got better from there with every punishment i faced

when a former friend told me "hey, you have aspd traits/might have aspd" i went and found the checklist, because thorough research is how i work, went through it. at the time i didn't think it fit very well because "yes, i experience that but that's pretty normal for people, i learned how to manage it under several layers of creating a socially acceptable person just like everyone else"

i've gone back to it a couple times since and wow, surprise surprise, everything applies! the "this doesn't apply to me because i have a system to help with this thing" mindset means the thing still applies! there's some stuff, namely the destruction and truancy, that i didn't do but that's solely because i knew i couldn't get away with it and therefore didn't bother trying. so thanks to aaaaaaall that stuff and more, i definitely grew up with both conduct disorder and odd, and now it's aspd

i can't say i'm mad about having aspd? it causes problems in my life, yes, but i've spent so long wrangling myself into a form small enough to fit into society's box that it's not the worst thing anymore. i think i'm more mad at society, my peers, for not helping me with this and being kind where they should've, especially my mom as of recently

that said: it is fucking hard-wired into me that there's only good people and bad people in the world. harmful behavior towards me (or someone else doing something i can't forgive) is automatically met with hammurabi's eye for an eye. the coping mechanisms i use work very well, are generally healthy, and people who don't do anything to calm themselves down and think rationally tend to piss me off. i have been fighting those things for a while but they're the ones that simply won't go away. hamburger help me.

aspd-culture-is

There's a lot of good information in this ask. Too many people see ASPD as a direct result of physical abuse or CSA/SA, when a lot of ASPD symptoms really develop around things that are seen as smaller issues, where a child's problems get diminished by the people who are supposed to help that child to the point where they feel the only person that will help them is themself.

More than anything else, I personally think a very quick and simple way to decrease the number of people who end up with ASPD would be to get parents and other caregiving adults, and honestly society as a whole, to understand that regardless of how simple, silly, or insignificant it may seem to someone older, these "silly" things are often the worst thing the child has experienced up until that point. Someone always having to be the monster sounds like nothing to an adult, leading to no response to help besides maybe "they're just teasing you, ignore them". But "just teasing" is the most social rejection a child has experienced to that point, and so it is extremely distressing and emotionally painful. It feels like the most isolated they could possibly be, because they haven't been around long enough to experience worse. Then, the child is told to ignore it, which not only fails to make them feel better, but often causes it to get even worse as the other kids try and push harder to get the reaction they're looking for. Do they eventually give up? Sometimes. But the lengths and extremes many bullies will go to when "just teasing" doesn't elicit a response is disturbing and that fact is either unknown to or ignored by adults.

Part of why always being made the monster does something to a kid is that it is treated as a non-issue. When that is what a developing brain learns is the reaction to their pain, they will no longer seek outside help when things become extreme.

TW: descriptions of SA/r threats. Skip the following paragraph and move to the next one to avoid. Also a bit of a vent.

When I was in school, I was teased. I was made the dog who was not allowed to talk or a person with their vocal chords removed any time we played pretend. Sometimes they made me a rock or stick on the ground, even. It sounds like nothing, and when I was told it would go away if I ignored them, I listened. It didn't stop them. It led to an entire set of multiple schools that were combined into one building seeing me as a verbal and sometimes physical plaything; a place to take out your angst and distress. I lost my personhood in their eyes, so my understanding of social interactions were tainted and colored by the way my peers treated me. I told anyone who tried to befriend me not to be seen talking to me, to bully me publicly so they wouldn't get the treatment I got, so even the few people who tried to be kind got a skewed, unnatural social interaction with me. Many listened, and I don't hold that against them at all. That's simply what they had to do to make it. It got to the point of receiving verbal and *detailed, written-out, and signed* r word threats, and boys who were 11 years old talking about kidnapping tying me up in their parents attic and using me whenever they wanted (theirs was more detailed). Some even attempted to touch me, and adults nearby ignored it because "X likes to handle it themselves, they don't like when adults get involved", because I learned that they would only vaguely say stop, and it would get worse. That's what happens when you just ignore it.

And what do we call a person who learns that only they can protect themselves, and who doesn't understand any positive interaction with anyone that isn't transactional? Antisocial. I hate the idea what a positive relationship with family is incompatible with ASPD, sorry about the rant. Because of how ASPD develops, I refuse to dislike or resent myself or my symptoms when it comes to ASPD. If people didn't want me like this, they shouldn't have treated me like this.

Plain text below the cut:

There's a lot of good information in this ask. Too many people see ASPD as a direct result of physical abuse or CSA/SA, when a lot of ASPD symptoms really develop around things that are seen as smaller issues, where a child's problems get diminished by the people who are supposed to help that child to the point where they feel the only person that will help them is themself.

More than anything else, I personally think a very quick and simple way to decrease the number of people who end up with ASPD would be to get parents and other caregiving adults, and honestly society as a whole, to understand that regardless of how simple, silly, or insignificant it may seem to someone older, these "silly" things are often the worst thing the child has experienced up until that point. Someone always having to be the monster sounds like nothing to an adult, leading to no response to help besides maybe "they're just teasing you, ignore them". But "just teasing" is the most social rejection a child has experienced to that point, and so it is extremely distressing and emotionally painful. It feels like the most isolated they could possibly be, because they haven't been around long enough to experience worse. Then, the child is told to ignore it, which not only fails to make them feel better, but often causes it to get even worse as the other kids try and push harder to get the reaction they're looking for. Do they eventually give up? Sometimes. But the lengths and extremes many bullies will go to when "just teasing" doesn't elicit a response is disturbing and that fact is either unknown to or ignored by adults.

Part of why always being made the monster does something to a kid is that it is treated as a non-issue. When that is what a developing brain learns is the reaction to their pain, they will no longer seek outside help when things become extreme.

TW: descriptions of SA/r threats. Skip the following paragraph and move to the next one to avoid. Also a bit of a vent.

When I was in school, I was teased. I was made the dog who was not allowed to talk or a person with their vocal chords removed any time we played pretend. Sometimes they made me a rock or stick on the ground, even. It sounds like nothing, and when I was told it would go away if I ignored them, I listened. It didn't stop them. It led to an entire set of multiple schools that were combined into one building seeing me as a verbal and sometimes physical plaything; a place to take out your angst and distress. I lost my personhood in their eyes, so my understanding of social interactions were tainted and colored by the way my peers treated me. I told anyone who tried to befriend me not to be seen talking to me, to bully me publicly so they wouldn't get the treatment I got, so even the few people who tried to be kind got a skewed, unnatural social interaction with me. Many listened, and I don't hold that against them at all. That's simply what they had to do to make it. It got to the point of receiving verbal and *detailed, written-out, and signed* r word threats, and boys who were 11 years old talking about kidnapping tying me up in their parents attic and using me whenever they wanted (theirs was more detailed). Some even attempted to touch me, and adults nearby ignored it because "X likes to handle it themselves, they don't like when adults get involved", because I learned that they would only vaguely say stop, and it would get worse. That's what happens when you just ignore it.

And what do we call a person who learns that only they can protect themselves, and who doesn't understand any positive interaction with anyone that isn't transactional? Antisocial. I hate the idea what a positive relationship with family is incompatible with ASPD, sorry about the rant. Because of how ASPD develops, I refuse to dislike or resent myself or my symptoms when it comes to ASPD. If people didn't want me like this, they shouldn't have treated me like this.

[thescarletnargacuga]

LAST RESORT

A TIME CAPSULE AU CAINE SONGFIC

AU credit @mangotangerinepastry @the-amazing-digital-time-capsule

WARNING: HEAVY angst, depression, PTSD, suicidal thoughts, alcohol

~~~

Caine sat at the stage piano alone in the dark of the off hours. An empty liquor bottle slipped from his fingers, clinking to the ground. He drunkenly swayed, his fingers dancing over the keys. Oh how he had desired to play. The off key notes alone gave his soul freedom.

BUBLE harshly yanked on the red strings on Caine's fingers, punishing him for daring to touch the musical instrument. Caine didn't care. He felt nothing, physically or otherwise. He played on, finding his rhythm and losing himself in the music.

Cut my life into pieces

This is my last resort, suffocation, no breathing

Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding

Caine's mind wandered aimlessly amongst his memories. The life that was stolen from him was paved with the blood of enemy and innocence alike. Every decision he made led to loss and tragedy, and he's paid the price ten fold.

This is my last resort

Living was more of a punishment than death could ever be. He has to live with knowing what he's done. The body count could fill a trench. He just wanted to serve. He wanted to protect.

Cut my life into pieces

I've reached my last resort, suffocation, no breathing

Don't give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding

Do you even care if I die bleeding?

He could still hear it. The gunfire. The explosions. The screams. They lied.

Would it be wrong? Would it be right

If I took my life tonight? Chances are that I might

Mutilation out of sight, and I'm contemplating suicide

I'm contemplating suicide

The burning, blistering pain that seared his bones and melted his flesh. He couldn't breathe. But death did not want him.

'Cause I'm losing my sight, losing my mind

Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine

Losing my sight, losing my mind

Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine

The hospital. The lonely fear of being thrown away. The very pavement of the streets had more empathy.

I am fine

He lost his voice. He lost his identity. Seeking purpose, he worked harder than any other. He was useful.

I never realized I was spread too thin

'Til it was too late, and I was empty within

Feeding on chaos and living in sin

Downward spiral, where do I begin?

Every penny went to drink. To forget. To numb. To pretend he was still in control.

It all started when I lost my mother

No love for myself and no love for another

His family would not take him back. He was no son of theirs. He was a monster. A killer.

To find a love upon a higher level

Finding nothing but questions and devils

He was turned away by all. Shunned by society, only the gutters spoke his name.

'Cause I'm losing my sight, losing my mind

Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine

Losing my sight, losing my mind

Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine

Then darkness. A prison of cold steel. People out of time. Forced to perform and please.

Nothing is fine

Black cracks split his skin. Eyes of many colors peered out. The consuming darkness within breaking free.

I'm crying, I'm crying

I'm crying, I'm crying

He fell from the piano bench, spralled on the floor. Eyes blank. His limbs twisted and deformed.

I can't go on living this way

I can't go on living this way

He wanted to give in. To forget forever. To be taken by the darkness.

Cut my life into pieces (I can't go on living this way, I can't go on living this way)

Think of the others. Who would he damn to be in his place? Fight. FIGHT!

Cut my life into pieces, yeah (I can't go on living this way, I can't go on living this way)

PULL IT TOGETHER SOLDIER

'Cause I'm losing my sight, losing my mind

Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine

Losing my sight, losing my mind

Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine (I can't go on living this way)

With a cry of inner strength, he forced the darkness back.

Nothing is fine (I can't go on living this way)

Caine's limbs normalize. The crawling darkness retreats into the wounds.

I'm running, and I'm crying (I can't go on living this way)

He sobs. He must keep fighting. Protect the others.

I'm running, and I'm crying (I can't go on living this way)

Protect Pomni.

I'm running, and I'm crying (I can't go on living this way)

Suffer for the greater good.

Nothing's alright!!

Caine's screams are forever contained in the time capsule, never to be heard. It continues its journey through time, collecting lost souls to fuel its purpose.

[zenaidamacrouras1]

Thanks @booksandabeer for the tag. I'm sitting on the floor eating chips and so why not.

song:

I've been back on my country bullshit and is "Way down yonder on the Chattahoochie" one of the best songs ever? I mean it's no 9 to 5 by my best friend Dolly Parton (the person who sends kids the books as my kids call her.) Also I was listening to my best of Randy Travis if you skip the gospel stuff there is some solid gold in there.

Relationship status: in a few more years it can legally drive a car! Doing great, relationship!

Sweet/spicy/savory: sweet followed by savory. Skip the spicy.

Favorite color: i usually say teal but any color that makes me want to swan dive into it and swim around. Most shades of moss. Whatever my favorite flower is of the day, that color. The white lace flower on my elderberry bush.

last movie:

I honestly do not remember. I re-watched The Winter Soldier for the anniversary of that movie back in March or whatever and that is probably the last movie I watched. And I watched the Great Muppet Caper and Mary Poppins the original over Christmas. So. I am. You know. Not a cinephile.

last show:

I watched Dead Boy Detectives which is very much tailor made for me. I can give it the very high praise of "I didn't fast forward" oh wait i did during the torture bits. I don't like all the yelling. Anyway that was just me being a baby I wasn't bored or profoundly annoyed by the characters acting like idiots at all, which is quite rare.

Thanks to everyone sharing the gifs and convincing me to watch it. Very thoughtful of you! If everyone could stop sharing the gay firefighter show, I am not planning on watching that so it's not needed. Just kidding. Post your heart out. It's lovely to have a passion.

Last thing I googled:

the last thing I googled that was not work related was rhönradturnen. My kids went to a German circus camp this week (it's apparently a thing?) and I was trying to explain it to my brother. Also I made my brother google "down at the lake beach snl" because nothing has made me feel more seen than that video. It's so good. Also to bring the German in, a German friend sent me the Lake Beach video with the note "sorry if you find it offensive but I think you will like this" and she was right! I loved it.

current obsession:

Eating chips alone in the dark? (Literally i am doing that on the kitchen floor as i type) Probably playing Pokemon Go which look I'm not proud of but I walk several miles a day and it gives me presents for walking and sparkles at me when I spin the spinny. My brother who passed away was a huge pokemon go fan so I started playing initially so I could get some of his Pokemons and just kind of think about him while walking around. But I forgot I have adhd and a thing that sends sparkles and cute little monsters at you while you are constantly moving around is just like tailor made for my broken brain. I just evolved the sand castle one. The idea of a sand castle that can murder things really charms me. I also have the murderous lamp. I should make them fight! Murder Lamp v sand castle!

I'm re-tagging everyone that @booksandabeer tagged because I'm double dog peer pressuring you all. Just kidding. You don't have to do this. @bromcommie, @aimmyarrowshigh, @zenaidamacrouras1, @shackleton2 and @hail-americas-ass.

Open tag for everyone who wants to do this.

[countrymusiclover]

8 - Getting Closer to the Truth

Princess Red Thief

Part 9

Tag list - just ask to be added @mystrey101 @melvia-ito @kmc1989 @tallrock35

Striding down the long staircase of my parents castle with the return of my father and the wedding that occurred a few hours before this whole evening. "Your dress looks beautiful, Eve." My mother came over to me wearing a white and gold dress thanks to my grandfather's golden curse.

"I must say your dress is more beautiful, Mother." I smiled at her, dropping the fabric of my gown to the ground now on flat ground.

I was wearing a simple gold dress that was short sleeved and covered with lace. My hair was loose and had natural curls throughout. "So am I ever going to meet this man you call Rumple?" My mother asked me as we swayed around doing the dance like everyone else around us.

"I'm not sure when would be the right time. I'm sure you and father will be off on a honeymoon tonight. So in a few days perhaps." I answered her question feeling someone touch my arm when we spun around and found new dance partners.

The new partner spoke in a giggling tone I wouldn't soon forget and gently held onto my forearm. "I'm actually stunned to see the princess out of her red cloak."

"Rumplestilskin." I gasped not intending on seeing him anytime tonight.

He was dressed in his leather jacket but with more formal and light clothing that made him look like he could fit in at a ball. "In the flesh, Red Thief."

"Everly!" I rolled my eyes back at him. "Now what are you doing here?"

He raised a hand twirling me underneath his arm so we didn't look suspicious by nit dancing at a Royal ball. "We had a deal that I would be introduced to your parents soon. I am just curious to know when that day shall come."

"Can't you see the future and already know when?" I questioned the master of dark magic.

Rumple smirked watching me twirl around him in a circle. "It's never that clear. Everything is always changing or leading you down another path by some tiny detail." He answered my question by placing our hands together once more.

"So then what do you want from me? I've already made a deal with you." I whispered under my breath.

Rumplestilskin leaned his head forward and my breath caught in my throat not sure what he was about to do or say. "I'm just here to make sure you don't break our deal with me of meeting your parents. Prince Charming has already changed my arrangements with King George."

"So you've come here to make sure I keep up my end of the bargain. That doesn't show you have trust issues at all." I scowled back in a snarky tone.

The dark one smirked, waving his finger in my face. "Careful with that tongue of yours, dearie. Remember I'm the one with the power around here." He spun me around one final time before I regained my balance and was unable to find him within the crowd of people.

Blinking my eyes opened I groaned feeling like I couldn't move my body. Lifting my head up as much as I could I saw that my wrists and ankles were restrained down by zip ties. "You've got to be kidding me - urgh!" I grunted attempting to break free from them as a nurse came in my room with a tv cart.

"Hello Ms. Royal, how are you feeling?" She asked me with her blonde hair pinned up in a bun. Peering into her bright eyes that almost looked familiar for some reason I could not place for the life of me.

I bared my teeth trying to move again. "How do you think I feel being trapped like a monster!"

"Don't worry if you cooperate with what I'm asking you won't have to be restrained for long. The mayor is doing this to help you. She is concerned." The woman explained coming over closer to my bedside.

I clutched one hand into a fist and opened my other hand declaring a foreign word that I somehow remembered being stored in my mind. "Concern this you ass - Incendia!"

"Ms. Royal, if you hoped that would do something I'm sorry to say there's nothing there." The woman said to me,

I scanned the woman's name tag. "There's a fireball right in your face, Kathryn Nolan."

"No there isn't, dear." Kathryn shakes her head.

I glared at her trying to concentrate more on whatever the word meant. It has something to do with fire that much I could easily recall. "You don't know anything of what I know. I know that one way or another I will get out of here!"

"I think it's time for your medicine - gah!." Kathryn reached to unblock the restraint on my right wrist. Once my hand was free I snatched her wrist holding the vial that was about to go into my arm. Twisting her arm she cried out when I had popped her wrist dropping the vial and going down onto the floor.

Unlocking the other restraint I scrambled from the bed and fell onto the tile floor beside the nurse. Getting on my knees I grabbed the vial kicking it away from her when Kathryn attempted to hold me down. "Ah! Gold."

"Where is she?" I could hear a voice out in the hallway while we had our tussle around on the floor.

Kathryn twisted one of my arms behind my back but I kicked her in the stomach where she collapsed backwards harshly. Taking the advantage I had I forced myself to my feet snatching the vial by my foot up in my hands bolting out the door. "Gold!"

"Eve!" I heard his voice call down the hallway where I could almost see the edge of the front desk. I halted in my tracks holding my head in the palm of my other hand hearing a name I had only heard from him once and the other time was by Henry.

"Rumple!"

A voice familiar to Gold's but deeper came shortly after. "Everly! Harm one hair on her head and Maleficent burns!"

"Ahh! What is happening to me?" I winced, lowering myself to the ground holding my head in agony.

Footsteps came up behind where I whipped my head around seeing Kathryn coming after me. I got to my feet where she quickly grabbed the vial from my hands and held onto my wrist so I couldn't leave. "I tried to be nice but you're leaving me no choice."

"Get your hands off me!" I shouted trying to fight her with my other hand but she pushed me against the wall about to inject the serum into my system.

"I believe you heard the young woman say she didn't want whatever drugs are inside that serign, dearie."

We both turn our heads in the opposite direction noticing that Mr. Gold was standing a few feet away from us. He had one hand resting on his cane but there was something powerful about the way he spoke and stood before us. "Mr. Gold, the mayor has requested we help her." Kathryn declared to him.

"You and your staff seem to have forgotten that I am in charge of her safety being her emergency contact. So unless you'd like me to involve the police I suggest you release the lass." Gold clenched his jaw showing some of his teeth.

Kathryn stepped away from me crossing her arms over her chest. "The mayor won't like you interfering, Mr. Gold."

"I don't care what does or doesn't upset her...Eve?" He takes a step closer to me. I shake my head feeling tears welling in my eyes just as I bolted straight towards the pawnshop owner like it was second nature to me.

Throwing my arms around his neck I buried my face into the fabric of his suit. He paused, taken back by the gesture yet he wrapped his arms around my waist holding me closer. "Gold..."

"Shhh I'm here now. She won't hurt you." He whispered until he pulled my head away so we could look into the other's eyes.

I blinked my eyes a few times seeing a memory of someone else's face cross over his. He appears as the same man from Henry's book. "You're him..."

"Him who, dear?" Gold knitted his brows together.

I gripped his shoulders lightly. "Rumplestilskin from Henry's book. He might be telling the truth about this entire town."

"Calm down, Eve. Let's get you out of here. You've been on a lot of drugs and other things in here. Once you've away from this and have some food in your belly you'll be better." He placed a hand on my lower back leading me away from Kathryn. Yet deep down Gold had to hide the bright smile of hope that wanted to cross his face when he heard her say his real name.

Comments really appreciated ❤️

[thebelugawhalefriend]

Feathers - Rengoku x Reader

CW: DEMON SLAYER SPOILERS, Gore, Death, Afterlife

Note: The "Feather Breathing" mentioned here is something I tried to draw up as the reader's custom breathing technique. Apologies if it isn't up to Demon Slayer canon ^^ Also, do let me know if you want a continuation 👀

Before you stood a monster of crimson and ink black. Formed into a wolfish monster of gargantuan proportions. Its body was covered in bloodied maws as tyrades of limbs clung onto the sides of buildings. This was no upper or lower rank demon, and yet it still had an animalistic prowess to kill and overpower. Colleagues below and over you litter the streets with claw and bite marks torn through their flesh and bones. Civilians laid next to them with their shared fate.

"Stay behind me! I'll protect you!"

You stood right in front of two children, a boy and a girl holding each other in horror. If you were drawn to do anything, it was to protect these two with your life. One giant orange eye opens from the main head's temple with its maw opening to roar down. Sword in hand, you readied your next attack...

"Feather breathing..."

A style passed on from generations of your own swordsman family. Your mother had taught you from an early age ever since your father's passing. She had to step up to the plate he left as protector, return to her role as an instructor for you.

"Third form, Gentle Swipes!"

The attack was four swipes all aimed at its false heads, gentle as to not disturb the whiskers it could use to detect your moves. Now with those threats gone, you could-

"(Y/N)! Damn it, fall back!"

The Hashira assigned is here- The Wind Hashira.

Yet, you couldn't find the heart to fall back and cower. Not when you were so CLOSE to defeating this beast!

"Feather breathing, first form!"

"(Y/N)!"

The Hashira could only stand in front of the two children you sought to protect in the first place. He was absolutely left at a loss, given the job Kyojuro left him before his passing.

"Bird's Calling!"

You took one giant swipe at its neck, the feathers from your attack dancing and swaying with your swing. Anyone watching could've sworn they heard a hawk's cry upon your strike.

Just... A little... More strength-

CLASH!

Did... Did you kill it? You could feel your vision blurring rapidly, yet a warm feeling came over you. A feeling of triumph, perhaps? Yet, through the falling feeling, you could just barely glimpse at the work you'd done.

"DAMN IT- (Y/N)! HANG ON!"

His words fell deaf upon your ears. The beast before you held your blade only partly into its bleeding neck. As for you? Ruby red poured from you and dribbled above your sight during your fall. Little could you tell that a giant bite had been taken from your side, leaving little of yourself in tact. It wasn't until the fall ended that you finally blacked out from the impact.

...

"My love?"

"Kyo...?"

"Darling?"

"Where..."

"Why are you laying on the floor?"

Curious red eyes peer down into you, a smile sprawled across his face. None of the pain followed you into this reality. The only warmth you felt now was this reunion. You know him! And yet, mourning and crying didn't come to mind in this paradise. You could only leap up and bring him in for a tight hug.

"Kyojuro! I thought I'd never see you again!"

"Of course you would! I've always been here!"

"In this place?"

Your eyes wander curiously around the serene scene. Doves cooed and awed inside the treetops, while butterflies and bees all peacefully made their way to the lilies and irises. Leaves from the tree drooped and blossomed in what seemed to be an eternal spring.

"Not just this place, but with you. I always stayed with you in spirit... In heart."

He presses a gentle hand onto your heart, bringing back that familiar and burning hot love you'd felt all this time since you first met him. Your own hand goes to caress his hand, but you couldn't feel much of him.

"Is this it? Do I get to come back to you?"

Your words sounded excited, but the flame hashira only let out a hearty laugh.

"As if I would let my love die so young!"

His hands move to hold yours, looking into you with a new softness.

"You've been destined for greater than dying for nothing. Unlike myself, you've got much more life to live. A generation to raise and inspire, friends to support..."

He pulls you closer to him, now staring right down into you.

"It was always my duty to protect you and my friends. I have done so and will keep doing so... And so will the people I have trusted to care for you."

Your heart couldn't take just how sweet yet heartbreaking his words were. How you found out about his passing was Tanjiro's word, who'd taken the journey to your home to tell you of your love's passing. And yet, one thing stayed on your mind about his words.

"But I wouldn't have died for nothing, Kyo. I would have died protecting two children who've got even longer lives to lead. Even the littlest of lives are worth fighting for..."

With that, another one of his characteristics laughs erupt from his core, patting your head with a large and flashy smile.

"You always reminded me of that whenever you got yourself into trouble before! In fact, didn't you tell that to Sanemi when he almost killed that spider during training?"

"The spider didn't do anything to deserve a death under his foot! Much too smelly and honorless..."

Now this got a laugh from both of you, a weakness now taking over and bringing you to your knees. Kyojuro's smile softens into concern as he kneels down next to you.

"It's time for you to go, my love."

"Wait- Kyo, please, I waited for so long to see you again! Please..."

His hands come to cusp your face, placing a kiss to your lips for but one moment.

"I will still be here. For my sake, live your life to the fullest instead of waiting for death. Find another love and bring them peace. Continue to protect even the smallest of lives, no matter what you may face."

"You're asking for so much..." Your eyes well into large tears, the searing pain stopping you from absolutely sobbing, "I could never love another like I love you! I want nothing more than to wait for us to be together again!"

He tries to speak up, but your tears wound him too much for him to even utter a word.

"Every time a door opens, a part of me thinks you'll be there again! I'll have dreams about when we would eat together! You can't ask that I forget all of what we have just for another man to never live up to what you left...!"

He begins to hush you with a soft voice, pulling you in for a tight embrace. Kyojuro's own eyes pool into pained tears.

"I never asked that you forget me. I too want to meet you again... But like feathers, we must follow the winds of change. Take your time to dance in the breeze before you fall, because you? You deserve the full life that I never got to live. Heal, live, and I will wait patiently. Love again too, for your own sake. You will have my blessing, but only if the person you fall for can love you like I have."

Paradise begins to fade against your will, but your body tries hard to stay. In an attempt to get you to relax, he lifts up your chin and places a warm kiss to them. As it works, the vision fades quicker and quicker.

"I love you, (Y/N). Remember that..."

"(Y/N)..."

"(Y/N).."

"(Y/N)!"

"S-sir, you must not disturb the patients!"

The room feels so familiar... Oh, right, the injuries must have left you completely unconscious. Yet, the rough voice calling felt so... Comforting.

"Does it look like I give a shit?! I need to know if they're ALIVE!"

"They've b-been in a coma for weeks! I promise you t-they're alive-"

"... Mister Shinazugawa...? What are you..."

Both the Hashira and the helper fell completely silent upon your awakening. No one was confident you were even going to make it with a pierced kidney and a torn intestine. And yet, here you are, breathing and even talking.

"THEY WERE AWAKE AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME?!"

"HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?!"

The ruckus erupts a small chuckle from you, which only causes a rough cough. The girl fighting with Sanemi had quickly left him behind to calm you down.

"(Last Name), please! You can't be disturbing your body so soon- Your injuries are too severe!"

The white haired boy stood at the doorway in pure awe, almost unbelieving that you were alive.

"I-I must let everyone know you're awake! Oh- they'll be so relieved!"

With that, the helper ran from the room to leave you two alone. For a moment, you could catch Sanemi's look of shame.

"Mister-?"

"Please. Sanemi is fine."

The gesture brought a soft blush to your face, watching him slowly make his way to the side of your bed.

"You look like you'll die any moment if you try anything."

"I'm not going to yet, Sanemi. I told someone close to me that I wouldn't let myself yet..."

"The same one who made me promise to protect you?"

"I'm sure that is he."

A long silence falls between you both.

"I'm sorry, (Y/N)."

"Huh?"

"I broke that promise to him. I couldn't get to you in time..."

You raise an eyebrow towards him, letting out a weak laugh.

"Kyo's the one you have to apologize to, not me. Besides, it was my choice to throw myself in danger..." You pause for a moment, "Are the children alright?"

"Physically, yes. But, they've been orphaned."

"..." Your thoughts escape you for only a moment, "Is it possible to have them sent to my mother's estate?"

"Excuse me?"

"She's still relatively young enough to still keep watching young ones. It's important that they find somewhere to call home."

"You don't know if they have family to turn to, (Y/N)! Besides, why would you care after they almost got you killed?!"

"Someone reminded me that... Even the littlest of lives are important to care for. Every feather should have strong winds to guide them through life."

[rainparadefromhell]

How Never Have I Ever Uses Music to Hint at the Future

 I’ve always loved the way music tells a story, especially in movies and tv shows. These things usually go unnoticed unless you’re a college student trying to ignore homework on a Tuesday afternoon. I have been aware that NHIE has been whispering a secret story through its soundtrack for a while now but never had time to actually compile it into one monster of a post. So I’m doing it now!

This is where I try to convince you that the show has been hinting at Devi ending up with Ben all the way since season one. There are over 100 songs in the official soundtrack and of course, I can’t go through them all so I’ll just stick with the most important moments from all three seasons and lyrics that I think encapsulate the core message of the songs.

 SEASON 1

 The Pilot – Introductions

Paxton’s intro song (Dancing On My Own – Robyn) makes a lot of sense for both characters. It talks about trying hard to get someone’s attention and failing at it. It is a song with a dramatic, pulsating beat that plays over Paxton’s big entrance into Devi’s class.

 I'm in the corner, watching you kiss her, oh

I'm right over here, why can't you see me? Oh

I'm giving it my all, but I'm not the girl you're taking home, ooh

I keep dancing on my own (I keep dancing on my own)

 Ben is introduced with a softer melody (Rubia – Juan Wauters). It is in Spanish, a language I don’t speak as well so I won’t try to translate it but I will leave you with this Pitchfork review of it written by Steven Arroyo :

“Rubia” still succeeds wonderfully on these terms, a longing love letter to someone with a memorable nose in a far-away country…

 Te guardo un lugar en mi corazon

No quiero irme, chequeo hora son

Me iré pensando que

Muy pronto contigo yo estaré

 There is an important moment near the end of the episode when Devi goes to talk to Paxton (and asks him to have sex with her) in which Playing Games by Anna of the North plays.

 I've been playing games with your heart

Left you thinking in the dark

Just to make you feel unsure

Then I know you want me more

 This whole song is very interesting to me. The singer seems to describe a situation in which she has the upper hand in a relationship.

I’ve been playing games with your heart, so I know I’ve made my mark is a lyric I think perfectly shows Devi’s desire to enter a relationship. It is not because she actually likes Paxton. In fact, she doesn’t even know him yet. I think it tells of Devi’s reasons to have a boyfriend – to make a mark not just on him but the school, and her peers as well. She wants to stop being “invisible” as to somehow regain some power over her situation in s1 (the death of Mohan) as well as distract herself from it.

 Episode 2

The song Dancing on The Limit (by Prizes) plays as Devi dreams of Paxton coming into her room to have sex with her. It is the first “love song” of Devi and Paxton which I find genius since it doesn’t actually depict reality.

I'm never gonna quit it

Back in love within a minute

We're dancing on the limit

But I love the way you're making me move

 It is a fantasy, something Devi feels when she imagines what would be like to be Paxton’s girlfriend.

 Episode 6

In Ben’s episode we get so much more insight into who he is, and not just that shell of an obnoxious overachiever he built for himself. We also get insight into his feelings for Devi when he is having dinner with the Vishwakumars where after choosing not to “nuke her back”, he actually has a fun time with her family as the song (Call Me by Sarah Rebecca) in the background goes :

 Call me angel, I could save you

I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you, I want you

 At the very end of the episode when Devi Venmos Ben so that he never has to “accept food from a pedo again” another love song can be heard (Lost – Boy Harsher).

 I’m the one that holds you

In the middle of the night

 I'm the one that wants you

Forever til we die

 Episode 7

In this episode Devi and Paxton kiss for the first time to Fire For You by the Cannons which at first seems like a really sensual song… until you actually read the lyrics.

 I could've died for you

How could you not know?

I was alive with you

But you brought in the cold

Was I being lied to? Wish I never met you

Started to regret you

  Episode 10

 Boys Like You -  Kids at Midnight

We’ve reached my favorite NHIE song. I love the synths. I love the 80s vibe. I love everything about it (No wonder why that Malibu kiss got an MTV nomination).

Certainly the most interesting thing about this song playing during this scene is right as the camera lowers on Devi’s phone, we cut to Paxton leaving a voicemail with these lyrics in the background :

 She said, "Boys like that should be in second place”

Now do with that what you will but this is the most intentionally placed lyric in season 1, in my opinion.

 I know it hurts right now, one day you'll realise

There's no need to hide yourself from the world

All my life I've been hiding myself

Just waiting for a boy like you

SEASON 2

 Episode 8

In the scene we see Devi apologize to Ben about the cheating when the song Up All Night by The Undercover Dream Lovers starts playing. The song is seemingly about second chances and not letting someone go. I thought the theme of driving was interesting considering Malibu.

 Caught up on the freeway

You test my patience all the time

Find another exit, ooh

Blocking you from mine

 Episode 9

Heat Waves – Glass Animals

 During Paxton and Devi’s kiss Heat Waves plays and I have to admit the song as well as the scene are amazing. However, I’ve seen this song misunderstood by Daxton fans so much, probably due to the scene trending (mostly on TikTok where people enjoy quick content without much context).

The writer of the song, David Bayley says this about what it means, mentioning another song called Your Love : “They're both definitely two of the songs that are about relationships and sort of knowing that they're doomed,"

Bayley uses the term Heat Wave to represent an illusion of a highway mirage (the air that rises off asphalt on extremely hot days making it seem like the road is wet).

So the love that the writer describes is just like the heat waves – an illusion.

 Now I gotta let you go

You'll be better off in someone new

I don't wanna be alone

You know it hurts me too

You look so broken when you cry

One more and then I say goodbye

 Episode 10

GOLDEN – Running ; Ben comes into the girls bathroom to try and make Devi feel better after she is rejected by Paxton. As he is saying “When are you gonna to realize that that dick doesn’t deserve you” the lyrics playing are :

But I get these feelings

That I can't explain

It’s in my veins

being the underdog all the time

 Hello Pongo – Summer Love

Another love song that plays when Ben and Devi see each other at the dance.

I've been lookin,

for you my summer love

forever summer love

Sam Smith – Love Goes

This song is – do you wanna guess? Not a love song. It is a sad one.

I hope you understand that I have to send you away

You may not understand, but I know that you will one day

You're broken, I know this

And if you knew it, you would love me a whole different way

But that's how love goes, goes

I also think it’s funny how just as Devi and Paxton are about to slow dance the DJ plays a different, more upbeat song which tells us they aren’t really that compatible with each other. They just never manage to catch that love song!

 I wonder if season 4 brings us a Ben and Devi slow dance…

SEASON 3

Episode 1

 Josha Daniel – Dream of You ; We finally get something close to a love song for Daxton in the first scene of season 3 even though it it pretty vague and repetitive.

 We are never gonna waste our time again

I can't sleep when i dream of you

I can't sleep when i dream of you

 Ilo Ilo – Clementine ; Devi and Paxton almost have sex

Clementine

Trying to erase you from my spotless mind

Hit fast-forward but I'm stuck in rewind

 Episode 3

Afternoon Bike Ride – Before The Fall ; Devi tells Nalini she and Paxton broke up

After an autumn of ends lеd to silence

Winters cloak covered the tracks of the tyrants

Spring couldn't bring on the promise of June

With no voice to sing and nothing to bloom

I found the mention of June interesting even if it wasn’t intentional because it almost seems like an answer to Heat waves (Sometimes, all I think about is you, Late nights in the middle of June).

Mel Blue – Finding You; Ben tells Fabiola Devi broke his heart

I lost you love

You lost you too

I lost myself

I’m finding you

Episode 5

Carla Morrison – Eres tú ; Ben and Devi say goodbye to each other after their bet at the coffeehouse

(I found a translation for this one)

Today I woke up wanting to kiss you

I have a thirst to caress you

Entangle myself with you and not let you go

You're so intoxicating

It's you

 Episode 10

“Because I’ll miss you. A lot.”

“Wait. There’s the stomach knots.”

Jaguar Sun – Car Keys

Oh, how you've grown

Look back now

And move on

Don't worry, about a thing

Just grab those car keys

And drive into the rain

Another song involving cars, driving… I’m starting to think all of this makes sense! Also I love how the song mentions growth because Devi did grow so much in season 3.

 Prinze George – Take off

 Saw you in the living room

You were wild with light and I wanted you

Tried to do the woman thing

I was eager, young and abandoning

I would force you to love me

I would force you to stay

I would force you to love me

I would stand in your way

And you can't take off without me now

After Boys Like You this has to be my favorite NHIE song. It also has an 80s vibe to it and the two songs feel very much connected in my mind. The lyrics talk about standing in a lover’s way. Preventing them from leaving you and closing that chapter of their life.

I am still in your way

This lyric that appears later in the song shows that after everything that happened to them in season 4, they are still in each other’s way. They can’t forget about each other even after actively pursuing other people.

 After analyzing so many songs, I really have to give credit to the show. Most of these were chosen so carefully to fit certain moments. You can really tell the show was made with a lot of intention and love, at least soundtrack wise.

 As far as proving who the main couple (endgame couple, whatever you wanna call it) in season 4 is, to me that is pretty obvious even without the support of the soundtrack. I’m very curious about the songs we’ll get to hear in the new season and I also wonder if we will hear some old ones again.

Let me know what you think!

[bookishjules]

ever since they decided riptide was gonna be the promo song for the show, i've seen a lot of takes--it's ridiculous, it's campy, it's 2012 fan-made mv vibes, it's eerie, it's fun, it's stupid, it's perfect--but what it seems like everyone agrees on, is that the only real connection to percy jackson is the title also being the name of his beloved sword. i'm not saying that connection isn't enough by itself.. but i do think we could go a little deeper hehe so let's break down these lyrics, shall we? <3

**Riptide by Vance Joy Through the Lens of Percy Jackson**

I was scared of dentists and the dark

beautiful intro line to get us in the headspace of the literal child that is 12yo percy jackson.. maybe he was scared of dentists, who knows? but the point is that these are the kind of fears that a parent might be there to hold a child's hand through, and percy never had anyone but sally to do that. this line prepares us for just how strong of an impact the loss of her will be.

I was scared of pretty girls and starting conversations

this is percy "stands in the corner playing basketball at the school dance" jackson. it's him losing his words when he notices how pretty annabeth is, but it's also an indication of his placement in the social hierarchy of his peers up until this point.

Oh, all my friends are turning green

green with jealousy because he has all the power of a child of the big 3? because he gets granted a quest on like day fucking one at camp? because he's a naturally talented sword-fighter to rival luke? .. or green because he's finally seeing the world as it is through his god-given green eyes? or green like kelp and algae and the tint of the sea as he befriends creatures in his father's domain?

You're the magician's assistant in their dream

i think if you see luke as the magician, with his tricks and lies, you could easily attribute this line to annabeth--i mean he did want her with him in his backwards dreams. he also saw her following him in dreams of the past, and saw her in the dream conjured by the river styx. but!! i think this line could also refer well to luke himself, where the magician is kronos.

Ah-ooh-ooh-ooh, ah-ahh-ah-ah And they come unstuck

(gonna be real.. i've never known what to make of this line oops)

Lady, running down to the riptide

first, i think of percy running straight for the riptide as a representation of how accepting he's a demigod and a child of poseidon also pulls him in deep into this narrative that has been constructed around him, both in regard to zeus's bolt and also the great prophecy as a whole. but, i think this could also be addressing annabeth, rushing toward percy (water, riptide, etc. you get the picture) and counting on him to take her away from the shore (camp). another option here, if we stick with luke as the person being addressed, is his being called and swept up by the seething rage and indignation that spirals him away from the calmer tides and into the hands of kronos, which....

Taken away to the dark side

yeah, this could very easily be referring to kronos. we can also use it for percy and annabeth both when thinking about the quest that took them to the underworld, which is quite literally the dark side. i also think it could refer to the darker side of the life of a demigod.. by percy stepping up to accept his identity, his eyes are opened to the monsters and manipulative gods and backstabbing (literally) friends and the vague promise of his own death.

I wanna be your left-hand man

oh hello zoo transport oreo sharing "bc you're my friend" scene hehehe also if we switch perspectives this does work well for luke for obvious reasons

I love you when you're singing that song And I got a lump in my throat 'Cause you're gonna sing the words wrong

okay stay with me now.. sally pov to percy. like he's up on that metaphorical stage all alone and doing his best and he's gonna fail sometimes but he's singing his own song, the song he was always meant to sing *cries*. another option of this is annabeth looking at percy, who almost always gets the words wrong, but it's so enduring--seaweed brain (affectionate). we also have the potential for annabeth to be looking at luke and saying this, only his wrong words were the path he chose, and the lump in her throat is the pain of watching him betray her trust again and again. along those lines, i think there's also an argument here for the percy @ annabeth pov that i would be inclined to associate with this song... because he loves her and the hope and the trust she carries with her, but he sees the way those beautiful traits of hers make it difficult to see luke for the monster that he's become--right tune, wrong words.

There's this movie that I think you'll like This guy decides to quit his job and heads to New York City This cowboy's running from himself And she's been living on the highest shelf

a movie percy would think annabeth would like perhaps? annabeth ran away from home and wound up in new york. before that, she had been basically cast aside to collect cobwebs by her parents. when we meet her at the beginning too, she's very much been set on the highest shelf in the way that she's been set aside despite so desperately wanting a quest. but there's also the case that the movie being referred to here is about luke, who ends up running from himself in the sense that he chooses to stand opposite both his father and the family he created for himself after heading to new york. in that case, there's also the possible attribution of the object living on the highest shelf to thalia, whose tree luke would have looked at every day as a reminder of his cause, but who would have been unable to say anything herself, stuck collecting dust, so to say.

I just wanna, I just wanna know If you're gonna, if you're gonna stay I just gotta, I just gotta know I can't have it, I can't have it any other way

okay talk about percabeth coding.. percy's "annabeth don't" when he thought she was gonna join the hunters. annabeth freaking out after he came back from ogygia. percy printing the picture she sent becuase he couldn't trust that it (she, chb, etc.) was real. "you're not getting away from me, never again." etc. etc. etc. (please feel free to continue spiraling in this vein as i know i will). it's also giving luke and his manipulation tactics tho ngl..

I swear she's destined for the screen Closest thing to Michelle Pfeiffer that you've ever seen, oh

we (percy) support our queen (annabeth). i could get lost in the percabeth of this all, but i also think it's important to go back to a previous pov we mentioned.. sally's as she watches percy go off on his own. and if the she in question is percy from sally's pov, it's his success that she sees, his happy ending, the one she's been willing upon him from day one. there's also the potential of this line to be about sally from percy's pov. he loves his mom and he's proud of her, and he'll do anything to bring her back from the underworld so that she can live the life she deserves.

**

so yeah, ig in conclusion, there's more meaning here than meets the eye :) but also that won't stop me from thinking about my favorite pen sword every time that word is sung <3

[sonicfanthenightfury5099]

So my request for werewolf myers is pretty dumb. A scenario where his s/o is kidnapped by hunters who want to use her as bait to catch the beast!

That's an interesting idea and a Nightmare On Michael's end.

Hunter's decided to use live bait to capture The Beast of Haddonfield and its his s/o as bait

Live Bait

Note: I've been slow on writing cause I've been drawing mostly and playing Animal Crossing. Here's a quick one shot of Werewolf Michael.

You thought to yourself while shifting your tied up wrists as marks from the rope around them. You where minding your own business walking through the urban area of Haddonfield and the next thing you blacked out and kidnapped by hunters who are looking for The Beast of Haddonfield and there using you as Live Bait.

Your arms started to cramp from having them held up for nearly hours at the tree you got them at, thinking that they'll become numb when you get your wrists untied. You hope to yourself that Michael will find you and get you back home. One of the men shifted in where he hid with his other companions, guns ready when they see the Beast himself peer out and into the clearing. One felt guilty for getting himself into this idea, drugging and kidnapping you just to be a monster's probably dinner.

"Any moment now, He'll come out of the tree line sees the bait. POW! We blow his brains out, ending his terror on Haddonfield once and for all." One said, as he kept a really close eye on where he might pop out of. The next fella on his right looked at him with concern, "What if he goes after us instead of this incident person we, mind you, drugged with sleeping medicine and kidnapped just for there life to be pretensionly snuffed out by the beast named Myers?" He asked the main guy who sat right next to him. "What it's not like nobody is going to miss them.."I can hear you, you know that?" You said interrupting him.

He was going to say something to you till the sounds of twigs crunching from a distance in the woods caught everyone off guard. "He's near. He can smell us." The one with a guilty conscience said, now having second thoughts about doing this. "It's now or never." The one on the left said as he raises his gun, ready to shoot. You just gripped the rope harder cause you knew it was going to get bloody.

The Wolf came out of the woods and nit towards you, but at the 3 men who took you way from him. Ripping the throat out of one and disembowling the other one. The third one ran off for dear life. after Michael finished off with the two men, he turned his attention to you. "Michael." You said he cuts the rope that held your wrists now with rope burns. He lifted you up his arms and placed you on his back and into the direction when you both should be. Home.

Michael didn't want to leave your side, well aware of what happened tonight. Even trying to go to the bathroom, he's going to be right outside. His paranoia grew during the rest of the night. He held you really tight close to him in bed. "Michael, can you loosen your grip on me? I can't breathe." You said muffled by his shirt, "I don't want what happened to happen ever again." He said, trying to hold back tears. "I know, I don't want to go through that again either." You replied,'But still." Michael said, looking at you. You placed a hand on his cheek, his eyes were watery looking into yours. "It's ok to cry. You don't have to hold back tears." You said quietly to him. Michael just let's his tears run down from his closed eyes. You hugged him as he silently cries. He was worried about you being kidnapped again as live bait for him to kill by accident. He held you tightly while you rubbed his back he took deep breaths as he calmed down. "You ok now?" You asked him, "A little." Michael replied as he wiped his tears away with his shirt. "Michael, I don't think anyone else would try using live bait with a person. But maybe a deer they caught." You said, trying to make Michael feel better getting his mind off human bait. "What happened tonight was a one-time thing. One of them must've had second thoughts about using me, as you know." You said. Michael gave you a kiss before going into a passionate kiss. "Promise me this." Michael started, "Don't let a random man drug you again." He said as he rubbed your wrist. "I promise." You replied as you continued kissing him.

He kissed your sore wrists and your collarbone, "God, I wanna give you so much pleasure right now." Michael said as he kissed your neck. "After what happened tonight? Are you sure about that?"You asked him. He smirked, "Well, more like sexual healing." Michael said as he placed his hand on your cheek. "Ok." You said with a small smile, Michael kissed you even more as he started to slip your pj's off.

[grimalkinmessor]

Ryuk and Light's relationship is so important to me, you don't understand—

I am a staunch 'Ryuk is aro/ace' believer, so it's not about that, but whatever they have is also not anything else more than the other. Like, they're not lovers, they're too close to be acquaintances, too vicious to be friends, too uncaring to be enemies, like,,,,I can't EXPLAIN it but I adore it, it has me by my whole neck.

The way that Light isn't afraid of Ryuk at all, the way that he patiently explains everything he's doing without putting up that Perfect facade of his—because Ryuk is the only one that Light has ever shown all of himself too. The only being that he's ever given bits of himself to freely.

Meanwhile Ryuk is possibly the only being that wouldn't shy away from Light as he truly is. (Barring L but that's a different story and this ain't about him). Light's a little fucking monster and every other person around him wouldn't just roll with it like Ryuk does. His family would either fear him or try to fix him, his peers would likely do the same, and Misa already got a glimpse of him and disregarded it in favor of seeing what she wanted to see—even Rem has reason to be wary of him because of her feelings for Misa (and also the fact that she likely has more humanity in her than Ryuk).

Ryuk sticks by Light's side through all of it. He cares for him, but not in any traditional or even tangible way—why else would he stick around for those five years between L dying and Near and Mello showing up? It HAD to have been boring at some point in those years, but Ryuk just chilled with Light through it instead of killing him/finding something more interesting.

There's a mutual respect there. Their personalities reflect each other enough that they understand each other while also being highly aware of what the other is capable of. There are no soft feelings between them, but they're there. They play video games together and have inside jokes and expect almost nothing from each other even as they play around for their own ends.

Their parallels—"This world is rotten." "I've been bored too."—make them able to intimately understand one another. They're like brothers, like twins, and yet nothing about them is familial.

I have absolutely no clue what their relationship is but it is fascinating.

[cloudninetonine]

*walks on in slowly, awkwardly waves and hands you hot chocolate* Hey, so how have you been doing? Apologies I've been MIA, suddenly became a second dog mom and life's been kicking my butt.

So anyway before I make it like Plato and start rambling about the First introduction fic or go off about Fia or ramble about a Player ends up in the flooded part of the timeline au and probably pass out from lack of sleep- *throws this at you and runs off without elaborating*

-----------------------------------------

You've done it. You shakily breath, in, out, in, out, as you step slowly towards the door you feel your hands shake, looking at the still form of the man on the ground.

The awful screaming still rings in your ears, you were sure they were bleeding even now even as you had choked the Fae into unconsciousness, the smell of burnt, no, withered flesh clings to the back of your tongue as you check the hall, keeping your eyes onto Conquest's fallen form. Hands twisting into the iron chain Hyrule had given you, you feel the blood staining the cold metal, hungry for it like how it had been starving for the hero's flesh.

("Just in case", he'd said, you wanted to laugh and cry and scream that he was right, in a way, you did need it against him eventually, from a certain point of view.

... You feel sick to your stomach and in the head, making jokes at a time like this.)

You're surprised none of those other men who wore the faces of your friends hadn't come investigate by now, the screams could probably rival those of a redead when exposed to sunlight. You don't find yourself complaining as you slam the door shut behind yourself, slotting the bloody key in with unsteady hands, (slick with your blood, Conquest's blood) lock it. And then walk away from there.

You learned the hard way running would just make your situation worse. Besides, you'd need to conserve whatever energy you could now, in case you really needed to make a break for it, or hopefully hide in an empty room. It was a good thing there wasn't a shortage of them in this abandoned house from what little you'd seen of this place after being forcefully brought here.

... You hated to put your trust in any of them, in any way shape or form, knowing what that monster in human skin had in mind was not something you'd ever want to know, but you hoped Conflict kept his end of the bargain.

Sticking to the shadows and where the torches glow the faintest, you soon find a stairwell and go down the stairs, two steps at a time, and a another eerily silent wing later you soon find yourself in a dungeon, because of course you would, your luck is awful enough you're not even surprised they put you in a wing that leads directly to where they likely tortured people. It was cold, dreary and damp, the scent of fresh and old blood made you want to vomit. But you refused, pressing on, trying not to look at the evidence of these men's cruelty, at the mutilated bodies of monsters and people alike, every single thing that would make you break and hinder your escape, at everything that yells and howls and rages at you at your stupidity to have mistaken Abyss for Sky that day and mistaking pain and such vile, horrible snarls for applause.

... You missed your boys, you missed the girls, all you wanted was to go home. Or someone who didn't want to kill or harm you for the moment.

Clang

You freeze, someone was here.

Your eyes dart about, finding a darkened pillar in between the cells and dive for it, pressing yourself close, but enough you'd be able to peer outside to the corridor.

Your eyes widen and you put both hands over your mouth, muffling the shocked sound attempting to escape your throat.

Wild- (Not, not Wild, not your Wild, your sweet, caring Wild, who'd tried his best and who only lived up to his namesake against enemies, to defend, never to intentionally harm)

That man wearing your Champion's garb, locked in furious combat with a similarly hooded person, crimson bloomed and flowed in rivulets over the harsh head wound on his head. The person had two broken shackles on each wrist and were doing their darnest to get away, using their spear to keep the twisted form of your Champion from slicing their head clean off their shoulders, they kick at his crotch with a heeled boot and when he moves back they charge at him with a war cry, slamming him against the wall and you flinch at the sickening crack his skull makes against the old, dirty bricks, he crumples like a puppet with his strings cut courtesy of the stranger dropping the spear, digging their fingers to his temples and slamming it again even as he squeezed their arm hard enough to break bone. You numbly take note of the golden ornaments on their right hand emanating a dim, weak, green glow and the wound on their shoulder, torso and calf, a slash through their shoulder, seems they gave the 'hero' just as good as he got on them. Since his only notable wounds were the head ones.

They take a deep, shaky breath, their hands are trembling, shaken but they growl, spitting blood near the man's downed body, "And stay down you fucking cunt!" After a moment, they flinch, hissing in pain, they drop to their knees and you fight the instinct to run to their aid, what if it was an act? "Christ on a stick stripteasing in a playboy bunny suit, fuck me gently with a chainsaw." Their words make you twitch, unconsciously stepping out of the hollow between the wall and the cell as they take his sword and chuck it away, then snag the Sheikah Slate.

That-

"Was that a Heathers reference?"

... Shit.

Guess that's how you die huh? Clowning yourself over because a Heathers reference.

The person tenses, whipping their head to your direction, they blink, one of their eyes a bright green, like yours, they seem to do a double take, eye widening, "Sans Undertale?!"

To be continued...

-----------------------------------------

It's not much and likely not all that good but it's a start, going to leave it on my blog later xD, Twi's Vil self gets jumped on part two. *Runs off*

-A Very Tired Summertime Musician.

SUMMER GET BACK HERE AND GIVE ME THE REST I FUCKING WANT IT NOW