#all i care about are kaya and suna

[penelopesbridgerton]

i hate ferit so much even looking at his face irritates me

[lovecaitlined]

On KaySun Parallels + Trauma Bonding (aka Suna’s Lack of Self-Worth and Kaya’s Abandonment Issues)

I think it’s established very early on that Suna is traumatized by her abusive father, Kazim. She’s perpetually anxious and shaky about never being good enough; in fact, on the day she’s supposed to get engaged, her younger sister is chosen over her for the arranged marriage. This manifests in her difficulty in standing up for herself. All her life, she has been downtrodden, plodded on by people who think she is less than. She guards her heart because she’s been heartbroken way too many times—treated as less than by her father, sister, and even the Korhans. She thinks she’s unloved; therefore, she lacks self-worth.

Once she gets her confidence, though, whether it’s thanks to Kaya’s warm words and Ifakat’s manipulation, or through the power and financial protection Kaya can give her through their marriage and being a member of the Korhan family, Suna is able to stand up for herself. She feels worthy and loved thanks to Kaya. Why? Because, for the first time in her life, she gets chosen. He chooses her to love. To be his bride. And she no longer feels like an afterthought, nor a second choice full of flaws. So when she realizes that Kaya might not actually love her and just feel pity for her, she’s devastated. For it means she wasn’t chosen and loved after all.

But what about Kaya? Well, Kaya has trauma too. But a different kind—abandonment issues, stemming from his add!ct father leaving them and his mother’s health problems meaning she could die any moment and leave him without his real family. He thinks he’s not enough since after all, his dad abandoned him.

So it’s no surprise that Kaya clings on to Suna. Yes, it’s love so strong that he can’t admit it yet—attraction that is so real that it unfortunately gets muddled and blurred between the lines of revenge and necessity—but it’s also their trauma bonding of rejection. Suna and Kaya have found themselves in each other. Suna can’t lose him, the same way Kaya can’t lose her. They’ve both faced similar issues in their lives; they both know what it feels like to be a pawn in a losing game, or just not the main character of their own story.

When Kaya thinks Suna doesn’t trust him, especially because she heads off to find Seyran with that fck@$$ driver without telling him, he’s understandably heartbroken. At this point, they’re married, and loved up, but now he thinks she’s going to leave him. And he can’t deal with that. He can’t accept someone he loves abandoning again. That’s why he flips out completely. And that’s why Suna’s arms are there to comfort him in the end.

(Plus, as my Twitter moot Alice pointed out, that’s why the first time KaySun meet, as he says goodbye, he tells her, “I hope you will always be there for me.” This says so much about his character; it unlocks his deepest fears as well).

Suna is used to people overlooking her, and Kaya is used to people walking away. Both of them have been abandoned for not being “enough” to care about. Both of them know what it’s like to be avoided and unloved. Both of them have the shared trauma of REJECTION. And that’s why they both find love in each other now.

[queen-haq]

Fic: New Beginnings (Kaya/Suna - Yali Capkini)

Fic: New Beginnings

Pairing: Kaya/Suna

Rating: R

A/N: These two got me into the show, and I was so disappointed to see their scenes were cut in the new episode. Grrr.... so I decided to write their wedding night scene for myself and fill in some of the gaps.

Summary: As Suna struggles with her past on their wedding night, Kaya is there to offer her comfort.

Suna's stomach quivered with anxiety even as she marched forward. As much as the thought of sex terrified her, the thought of Kaya walking out unnerved her more. She placed her hand on the door, blocking him from leaving. He turned around, watching her like he always did. His dark eyes brimmed with surprise, like he hadn't expected her to be so bold.

"My husband won't be spending tonight anywhere else."

Her firm voice surprised even her. She didn't sound nervous or afraid, even though that's how she felt.

"Alright," Kaya murmured, his face drifting closer.

She looked him in the eyes, and, for a moment, she was a woman with no baggage or burdens. Simply a woman, attracted to her husband, wanting him.

His mouth closed over hers, gentle, sweet, simply kissing her. As kind as his tenderness was right now, she ached to feel the hunger he showed her the day they first kissed. The way his hand squeezed her face, the desperation in his touch as he bracketed his own face with her hand. The yearning in his kiss, it had matched her own. She wanted that from him, because he made her feel like a woman burning with passion.

She grabbed him by the collar and pulled him close, hoping he would make her feel like that again.

But he pulled away instead. Panting for air, he reached for her face. His thumb stroked over her wet cheek.

Confused, Suna stepped towards him with one hand still on his collar, the other curved around the back of his neck. "Why did you stop?"

"Are you sure?"

Her heart squeezed in her chest, a slow warmth spread through her. She wasn't used to men being so considerate of her needs. Her father never cared, he was a man prone to violence and aggression. And the man she loved, although not violent, didn't feel strongly enough to stick by her. Yet here was Kaya, practically a stranger, worried about her.

She wanted to share so many things with him. Like how grateful she was when he hugged her a few minutes ago. How much she appreciated his patience with her. How much she wanted him. But she couldn't bring herself to say any of those words. Instead, she chose to show him.

Eyes fixed on him, she untied her robe.

Her heart pounded in her chest as his intense gaze lingered down her body. Oh god. He didn't just look, he seemed to inhale her in. Even though she was still dressed in a white slip, she felt absolutely naked in front of him. And yes, there was fear but there was also something else budding inside her heart. Desire. "Do I need to undress myself, Kaya?"

One second he was studying her with reverence, next his hands were threading through her hair, bringing her close, his mouth devouring hers.

Oh god.

Everything spun into chaos, she couldn't think, couldn't breathe, not when he was intoxicating her with his kiss, his hands all over her body. And it wasn't just him doing things to her, no, she was fully pursuing him, her hands pulling at his shirt, keen to touch his skin.

She didn't know when she ended up on the bed, or how he managed to throw all the pillows onto the floor. All she could feel was his body perched above hers, his skin burning hot. He was naked from the waist up, his bare chest sliding down her body, his arms flexing under her touch. How could he feel so good?

Then his tongue slowly teased the spot just below her ear, licking her, making her shudder. Instinctively her hands dug into his back, aching for more but not sure of what. A sudden, loud moan escaped her mouth as he kissed her neck, her throat. Immediately he froze, watching her with a keen gaze again. Just for a moment she wondered if she'd embarrassed herself - but she didn't' have to wonder for long. The slow, seductive smile on his face matched the desire in his eyes were loud and clear.

He was enthralled by her response to him.

Kaya's sultry voice seemed to echo through the room. "You want me."

Suna swallowed an audible breath. Reaching up, she trailed her hand down his muscular chest, tracking the tattoos on his skin. "More than I've ever wanted anybody."

The smile he gifted her with sent shivers down her spine. She couldn't remember the last time she'd felt this good, this cherished. Was this just a dream? Because she didn't think this could be real.

"I'm gonna take this off, okay?" He grazed her right shoulder, pressing soft kisses onto her skin, before hooking his fingers around the slip strap. "But don't be scared. I need to see how beautiful you are, I'm dying to touch you."

Slowly he undressed her, rolling the fabric down her body little by little, lavishing her body with kisses. With every passing second, a fire grew deep in her core. Never did she think she would be laying under someone completely naked and enjoying it.

"Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?" he whispered, throwing her slip aside. His voice ached with so much emotion, like he was mesmerized by her.

Seeing his reaction to her, she felt brave and emboldened. "Show me, Kaya."

And he did. With his hands, his mouth. Worshipped her like she was his god. She never knew someone touching her breasts could bring her so much pleasure, lapping at her nipples with his tongue. Or how amazing it would feel to have his naked body grinding down on hers. Men's erection used to disturb her before but not Kaya's, no. He was hard, and she wanted to see him, all of him, naked and hard for her.

She arched up when his tongue delved into her belly button, a sensation she'd never felt before. A soft giggle escaped her, and he laughed too, pressing soft, wanton kisses into her stomach.

"Do you have any idea what you do to me?" He growled, looking up at her from where his head lay on her stomach. "How you drive me crazy?" A wicked glint burned in his eyes. "You're always on my mind. I can't stop thinking about you, Suna."

"Then don't stop," she confessed. Fear and shame may have been etched into every inch of her soul but somehow he always managed to make her feel safe. She didn't understand how, or why, but with him she felt like she could do anything. Even burn the world down, like he'd promised.

He crawled up her body until he was directly above her. Wearing a mischievous smile, he pressed his temple onto hers. The weight of his body didn't feel heavy or suffocating. Instead, it felt like a home she never experienced before.

"I can't stop. Even if I want to."

And he kissed her again.

She didn't know how he could be aggressive yet so loving at the same time. It wasn't possible, but Kaya managed to be both. He was unlike any other man she'd ever known. A complete anomaly. And someone she trusted far more than she'd ever trusted anyone else.

Which was why when his hand trailed between her legs, slowly moving up, sneaking past her underwear to stroke her, she didn't feel afraid. Why pleasure coursed through her blood when he murmured dirty things in her ears as he slowly caressed her.

"You're so wet for me, sugar."

His words made her blush from head to toe as she lay under him, slowly falling apart under his touch.

"So sweet, so tight."

She couldn't take what he was doing to her, her body pulsing under him. Eyes closed, she covered her mouth with her hand, worried she'd scream once again.

"I knew you'd feel good, but this... Suna... you don't understand. You have no idea how amazing you feel."

Oh... there was something ready to explode in her, growing and growing, reaching for something she didn't understand.

His fingers were inside her, thrusting, making her feel so, so good – was it always like this? Was this what everyone felt with their husbands?

"Beautiful Suna..."

"Please Kaya." She didn't know what she was begging for, all she knew was there was something her body was rushing towards, desperate for it, and only Kaya could bring to her.

"Do I make you feel good, love? Do you want more?"

"Yes," she begged. "Please..."

"Open your eyes, love. Look at me."

She did as he asked, and the expression on his face made her catch her breath. He was a man drowning. No, a man ready to conquer the world with her.

Then he twisted his fingers inside her in the most incredible of ways, carrying her over the edge, and her world exploded.

Beautiful fireworks, colours of every kind, crackled in the air. She was freefalling, uninhibited, unleashed, a woman completely out of control.

She'd never felt this free before, this good. So wild and reckless and ready for anything. Slowly she came back to reality, cradled in comfort and warmth, grounded by the kisses her husband trailed on her face. And his hand – oh yes, those amazing long, lithe fingers inside of his – still pulsated inside her.

"Are you okay, Suna? Still with me?" He kissed her eyelids, first left, then the right, his other hand cradling her face. He dropped a gentle kiss on the tip of her nose. "Did I lose you already?"

Eyes still closed, you gave him a slow, tender smile. "No. Never."

"There she is." Pride beamed in his voice. "My wife. My queen."

She opened her eyes, meeting his gaze. "Your partner. In everything."

He grinned. "Forever."

Part 2

[academyofbrokenhearts]

Of Nightmares and Late Night Encounters

Kaya has a nightmare and Suna wakes him up. The rest, as they say, is history. One-shot.

My brain came up with this scene late at night on Christmas Eve, when I was trying to fall asleep, and it (obviously) didn't leave me alone until I actually wrote the entire thing. As mentioned in the tags, I have no idea how KaySun will evolve in canon, so I don't know how (or if) what I wrote here will fit in with the show. But whatever. This fandom deserves nice things.

AO3 link here.

Suna had been a light sleeper for most of her life.

It was like her subconscious was finely tuned in to catch even the smallest sign of something not being right in her environment. As a child, she would always wake up and reach out to Seyran whenever her sister had nightmares, her touch and whispered words always more than enough to soothe her and return her to a calm sleep. If she couldn't protect Seyran from the regular horrors of the day, she could at least protect her from the horrors that were haunting her sleep - which, Suna suspected, were the same anyway.

She had kept the habit of waking up at least once per night as an adult, even after Seyran had married and left her proximity, never truly being able to enjoy an uninterrupted night of sleep, always on edge.

She had enjoyed a change in her sleeping pattern only since marrying Kaya. Having him around during the night was comfortable in a way she hadn't expected. Kaya was keeping to himself for the most part, and, outside of the moments when they were being intimate, was extra careful to not cross into her personal space, putting a respectful distance between the two of them. He was also an exceptionally calm sleeper, not moving much during the night; he would fall asleep on his belly, hugging a pillow, and Suna suspected that's how he would usually wake up as well, although, thanks to her newfound ability to sleep without interruption during the night, she hadn't yet had the chance to wake up before him to test her theory.

So when she unexpectedly wakes up during what appeared to initially be just another regular night, she knows something is amiss.

With her mind still slightly foggy, she looks next to her, at Kaya who's still asleep (on his back, she quickly takes note), and at first cannot quite believe her eyes, but sure enough, she has seen a similar picture many times before. Kaya's breath is accelerated, his fingers clutching the sheet, the pillow on the floor, away from his grasp, and yeah, all signs point out to him having a nightmare.

A heartbeat passes, and she's not quite sure what she should do - if she should do anything at all. But then a brief pained moan escapes his lips, so her need to soothe takes over, and she reaches out to him, touches his forehead gently with her palm.

He wakes up with a shudder, and Suna almost backs off, but his eyes quickly focus on her, and he catches her hand with his before she can completely withdraw it.

"Suna," he whispers.

"I'm sorry," Suna whispers back, not exactly knowing what to say. "It looked like you were having a nightmare."

He swallows once, twice. "Yeah, I think I was," he says, no longer looking at her. "Did I bother you?"

He looks uncomfortable, and Suna remembers his reaction the morning after he had fallen asleep crying in her arms. At the time, she had thought he was being distant to punish her, but looking at him now, she realises it was probably also because he didn't like showing his hidden vulnerability.

"Don't worry about that," she replies. "I'm a light sleeper normally."

His features relax a bit, and he turns on his side to look at her, his hand still on hers. "Sorry anyway," he says. "I don't know why, but I don't seem to sleep well on my back."

A pause, then he adds:

"But I didn't know you're a light sleeper. It's a bit surprising."

"I used to be a light sleeper, at least," Suna amends, and for a moment she thinks whether it's okay to share this with him or not, but they did promise to be honest with each other, and she doesn't see what harm it could bring. So she adds: "It seems like I sleep better with you around."

His gaze becomes pensive, and he studies her for a while, without saying a word, his hand moving slightly over hers in touches just as gentle as her own touch on his forehead earlier. Suna feels her cheeks reddening slightly, but holds his gaze, waiting.

He eventually speaks again:

"Suna, is it okay if I hold you for a while?"

And she doesn't know what pushes her to say it. Maybe it's the fact that it's late at night, maybe it's the constant gentleness he treats her with, his great care around her, the respect regarding her boundaries, the way he looks in semidarkness, eyes on her. Maybe all of those at once.

But she says it.

"You can do much more than hold me. If you want."

He doesn't say a thing, but, before she can even start to second guess herself, his lips are on hers, and his kiss is hot and heavy.

*

Even with all her lack of experience and general shyness in intimate situations, Suna doesn't think Kaya realised that she was technically a virgin during their first night together.

Because he took so much time, touching her intently, pausing to ask her whether it felt good, encouraging her initially timid touches as well, that by the time he entered her, she was so relaxed that it didn't hurt, and she never bled.

He never quite asked her what happened in her first marriage; he probably suspects she was assaulted, but never asked for any details, and that's something she's quietly grateful for. She doesn't think she can share with anyone the sort of humiliation she was made to endure. Not even with him; not yet, anyway. She doesn't know why, but she feels deep in her core that he wouldn't judge her.

She's not used to ask for what she wants; she was always in the background of her own life, never being able to oppose whatever bad things would happen to her at any given moment.

There's nothing bad about this, though, nothing bad about the way his arms hold her, nothing bad about his lips on her throat, nothing bad about his whisper in her ear "you can stop me if I become too rough", nothing bad about his hands on her bare skin.

He's indeed less gentle than the previous times they did it, his hands wandering around more freely, his touch a bit more insistent, his whispers more commanding: "tell me how to do it, tell me how you like it", words that would normally make her blush in any other situation, but not here, not with him.

She feels him deep inside of her, intensity building up to the point that she can barely hold herself together, and it's frightening, but also exhilarating. "Let go," he murmurs, "let go, let go, I won't be able to last long either", and that's what finally sends her over the edge.

*

When she returns from the bathroom, she expects to see him already clothed, as it usually happens after their intimate encounters. But he lays between the sheets in the same position he was when she left, and, as far as she can see, he's still naked.

She pauses for a bit, then, almost without realising, slips out of her robe and lets it fall to the ground before climbing back into bed.

He reacts immediately, moving towards her, hands touching her tenderly. "Is it okay like this? Sorry, I didn't really feel like moving, but I can-" and then he pauses, and she knows he realised she's also naked behind the sheets.

"It's okay," she smiles. "It's comfortable."

His head moves towards her shoulder, his body almost completely covering hers, and Suna holds him gently, her fingers playing with his hair. She feels him from head to toe, a pleasant warm weight on top of her.

It's beautiful. It's scary.

She thinks she knows what love is, but she doesn't quite know how to define this, whatever it is that's between them. She just knows she doesn't want it to end.

"Suna," she hears him speaking. "Will you hold me like this for a bit longer?"

And so she gives the only answer that wouldn't sound like a lie: "Always."

*

He's still asleep when she wakes up in the morning.

[redhead-writes]

What I am gonna do Part 1

Summary: When everything has been ruined and fallen in rubles around you, or at least it seems so. When all hope has been lost and there is no way out of hell. Is there a way to end all this pain? Is there a way to shake off the dust and start building something new? Angst simply was angsting in my brain so had to put it all out.

Can also read it on AO3.

Suna was sitting on the dark beach. Once looking out on the water calmed her down.  Night was covering her inner turmoil, pain and tears that haven’t stopped coming. She had put phone and two letters in a plastic bag and put a stone on it, so the sand and wind couldn't get to stuff. Not like anyone will call her or look for her. Her body felt so heavy and full with pain from the beating she had gotten once again.

“Once again all alone.” whispered Suna, dusting sand off the clothes she was wearing. “At least hell won’t be as bad as this living world. That is all I want. Some peace.”

Suna looked out on the sea once again. She always loved to be by it. Picking up prettiest seashells and creating art with it til even those art pieces got broken. One more deep breath, careful slash on one wrist, another deep breath and another slash on the other wrist. Tonight the sea was quiet enough that Suna could hear the drops hitting the sand. 

“Prove them that you are brave, Suna, prove yourself that you can do it.” she encouraged herself to take each step closer to the water line. Soon enough Suna was in water till her shoulders. 

“Just float away, Suna, like they all want you to.”

She layed on the back, allowing the sea to carry wherever it thought fit. She looked at the sky for some time, admiring the stars but her eyelids grew heavy. After sight also the hearing switched off. The darkness came as a relief to a woman who has been left by everyone in her life. 

*****

Kaya was working in his little studio on Sehmuz’s property. He had moved here a month ago by his mothers request after she had heard that Suna wanted divorce. Of course, Nükhet had told Kaya how she was right about the girl. But the thing was no one knew Suna. Even he was wrong in his assumptions about who she is or what she needed. 

That is the reason why he allowed her to walk away this last time. It was her free will decision and he allowed her that out. Just to prove to her and himself that he stood by what he promised her when he proposed to her second time. 

Yes, it has hit him hard and today receiving divorce papers from his lawyer. That he signed to give his wife the freedom that she deserves. After that they were sent to Suna. Probably she was now celebrating being a free woman. He had the itch under his skin to reach for the bottle and numb the pain that was raging in his soul. It was also the reason why his mom asked him to move here. The mansion was nice, Sehmuz was nice enough to give him this little house as a studio for his projects. Kaya really liked it here and Sehmuz wasn’t that bad, and he treated Nükhet well.  

“NO! I am stronger than that. I have a collection to finish.” Kaya reminded himself. “Tomorrow I will have a call with a therapist. Will talk through these emotions.”

Kaya had picked up therapy sessions back up with his previous doctor. Thank God for the zoom because he couldn’t imagine telling it all again to another person. It was bad enough one time but he knows he will need to work on that too sometime in the future. He wants to go back to work when there is a knock on his door. 

“Come in!” Kaya calls out to see worried Sehmuz in the doors. “SEHMUZ! Did something to mom?”

“No, no. Everything is alright with your mother. She is asleep in her bedroom.”

“Then what? You look quite worried.”

“I am only about you.”

“Why about me?” asked Kaya, lifting up one of his eyebrows. 

“Because I saw how singing those papers again pushed you on the bad side. You straight up left the house to work here. Usually, it is a sign that something is weighing you down. So I don’t want to mention that woman's name if there is a possibility you will get triggered.”

“Oh wow, you really have me down well. I promise you, I won’t be triggered if you mention Suna. So what about her?”

“Her younger sister called asking for you. I told her that you are not available to talk but she can rely her message to me. She wanted to know if you had seen her sister because they had this big family dinner and Suna didn’t show up. To which I answered that no, we haven’t seen Suna and that she for sure wouldn’t come to our house.” Sehmuz told him slowly, taking notice of any differences in Kaya’s facial expressions. They didn’t change even one bit. 

“That was the right answer. Suna even doesn’t know where I live now. I haven’t spoken to her in a month. Seyran must have been really desperate to call us.” Kaya voiced his opinion. Of course, there was worry in his heart. Suna would never miss family dinner. It got beaten into her, quite literally. Always the perfect face and manners when the situation needed that from her. 

“You are making that face I don’t like. She is not your business anymore, Kaya. You both made that choice today. Don’t allow that girl to control your life once again.”

“I am not allowing her to control my life. Worrying just a normal amount. As for a person that was close to me. Let’s go back to the house. I won’t be able to work anymore either way.”

“Let’s go! But next time I will want to see some pieces of the collection.”

“Those I will show when the whole collection is finished.” 

Kaya had left his phone in the mansion. He didn’t get a lot of calls either way. Only some friends from London, calling him to offer jobs but he wanted to work for himself. His therapist also called and the  lawyer too. No one else. First week he expected Suna to call but nothing came of it. 

They reached the house and Kaya picked up his phone that showed him a lot of notifications, but as a red alert button between all of it stood a text from Suna. 

All it said was ‘I’m sorry’. It made Kaya’s heart beat in worry even more. Something was not right. He could feel it. 

“Sehmuz, could you ask your men to call all hospitals and morgues in Istanbul?”

“Why would you need that Kaya?”

As an answer Kaya showed him Suna's text. 

“You don’t think she…” the older man couldn’t even finish the sentence. Kaya simply nodded, putting his head in his hands. The girl was so young, she had all the reasons to live her life. At least that is what he could see from the side. But he saw her just a few times.They all have been judging this girl so hard but they even didn’t know her story. Sehmuz had seen what that family could do to his wife and stepson. And there was more than one family with conservative views on life. Made him shudder to even think about it. He trusted Kaya’s ability to think straight about it. So Sehmuz started making calls to his men and to hospitals himself. 

All the while Kaya reached out to his lawyer asking if Suna had signed the papers but the woman wasn’t at home. Lawyer had followed instructions from Kaya not to give documents to anyone else in that house.

“Destroy them.”

“Kaya? What has happened?”

“Suna sent me a text that says she is sorry. I don’t have a good feeling about it, Yaman. So if the worst of my predictions come true, I want to be sure that Suna gets the best care.”

“I will destroy them. You call me when you get new information. If what you told me about her family is so close to the truth, you will need all the help.”

“Thank you, friend!”

Sehmuz walked back into the room with the phone already on speaker. Kaya had put his own down, raising one of the eyebrows at Sehmuz.

“I think we have found Suna. Çan, tell Kaya what you told me.”

“Yes, boss. So there's this woman that they found washed out on some beach without papers but she had this silvery leaf ring on necklace. It is too unique to be any other ring. Police is here. They found a plastic bag with a phone and two letters on the beach, too. One of the letters is addressed to Kaya and the other one to Nükhet.”

Kaya’s heart was beating in his chest so hard, but he had to ask: “Is the woman alive?”

“Yeah, she is. They are not allowing me to get in the room or else I would have sent you a picture.”

“You can tell the police to try the phone code 7887.” voiced Kaya whose heart had calmed down a bit. Suna was alive. In hospital but alive. That is all that mattered. 

“It unlocked the phone.”

“Wait for us there and don’t let anyone from Şanli or Korhan family get to her.” stated Sehmuz, ushering Kaya out of the doors and into the car. Nükhet has the best caregivers and guards. His stepson needs him and he won’t let him down. 

They reached the hospital as fast as they could. Kaya seemed to keep a calm demeanor but he could see the emotions just boiling but not spilling over. The younger man knew he had to keep it together.

“Boss, here!” called out the now familiar voice. There were police officers and doctors conversing with each other.

“Hello! I’m Kaya Sönmez. Possibly the husband of the Jane Doe you have here. Can you tell me what happened?”

“Hello! I’m the case leading inspector. From what we have gathered the couple walking their dog found your wife on the beach without any signs of life, dressed in what seemed to be a wedding dress.” The older man told him, holding up the plastic bag. Kaya would recognize that dress anywhere. Sehmuz also took a deep breath next to Kaya. “I see that both of you recognized the dress. But to continue my story, the man tried the pulse, it was faint but there. They called for an ambulance. So she is here. Doctor tells me that she is on the edge right now. She lost a lot of blood from cuts on her wrists but cold water in the sea kept the blood flow slow. So you could say cold water saved her. The woman also had other bruises on her that could not be explained by the circumstances she was found in. Do you have any idea why your wife was there?”

Suna had tried to commit a suicide. She once said to Kaya that she wouldn’t be able to go through it a third time but this time it was her own choice. His wife chose to do it. He will think about it another time. Inspector was waiting for the answer.

“Me and Suna have been on a little month-long break from each other. She went back to her parents house. I have few ideas of why my wife was brought to that state, to choose the choice she made. But if I say them out loud, you will say I am accusing people without evidence, Inspector. I would like to see my wife now.” answered Kaya, keeping his cool because he really had only two families in his mind who could have brought his wife to such a state.

“Of course. This doctor will take you, but stay in touch.”

“You will be able to find me here, if you need me. I am not gonna leave my wife's bedside till she gets better.”

While the doctor was leading them upstairs to Suna’s room, he called Yaman to get a private investigator on this case and to prepare papers that Kaya can take care of Suna without her family finding a loophole. Kaya also called his therapist to ask for advice to get the best therapist for Suna in Turkey. He knew that she would need to pass a wellness check and go through some rehab but better have it happen privately. Suna already will be embarrassed enough. 

“We are here. Today I would ask you not to worry here, let her body heal. Tomorrow I will allow you inside.” doctor told them and disappeared. While Kaya couldn’t take his eyes away from the woman in the hospital bed. Suna looked white as a sheet of paper and thinner than he remembered her being. Both her wrist bandaged, hiding the cuts she must have made herself but what stood out about it all was the blue bruising on the right side of Suna’s face. How did she hide it? Did no one notice?

“I will kill that man! I will kill him!” Kaya was raging, taking in more and more cuts and bruises on his wife's body. Did she really think no one would save her? Did she think that Kaya would not answer the phone? “Do you see, Sehmuz, what they did to her?”

“I can see that.” Sehmuz said, squeezing Kaya’s shoulder in support. There was no life spot on the girl from what he could see. It felt like she was kicked over and over again. He was afraid to think what the hospital gown and duvet was hiding. “Your anger won’t do you or her any good right now. My boys will help your investigator. But you have to take care of yourself and her right now. I can see that you still care about her even after everything.”

“It is not easy to rip love out of your heart. Also my therapist said that my mistrust could be the reason why she wanted to pull away. I showed her support that already was weird for her but then I would turn around and be cold. It really messed it up for us.”

“Don’t blame yourself or your trauma only. She has even deeper scars than you and possibly the healing you started has been ruined.”

“Go home. I will stay here.”

“Ok, but you call me if anything changes. Çan will also stay here with you. If her family finds out where she is.”

“Alright!”

[emnightowl]

For janine

They say when you actually love or like a girl or want her to be part of your life,youll need some guts. here's the list of unexpected things I've already done because I love Janine😂💕 this is awkward but here it goes...

1.Im not the desperate type not until I met Janine...

Enrollment for second semester I even tried to make pa pansin kay Janine by simply dumadaan sa harapan Niya during sa pilahan papunta sa Dean's office Ng Wala namang rason. Her outfit that day is yung green with parang maong chaleko ba Yun hahaha diko Alam eh di ako babae katawaam latta etoyen. With matching white shoes. My friends be like Matt crush mo Yun diba so talagang nagpapansin ako kahit masagi Lang ok na kako 😂 pero that's in a good way I want to see her badly and diko Rin Alam Kung bakit ko nagawa mga Yun hahaha out of my league.💕

2. Napansin ko si Janine because of she's reading a book because actually that's one of my signs haha. Because that's so rare nowadays so I know in myself that she's my love at first sight. One time nasa labas siya ng library together with some of her classmates and nasa SA ako sakto may libro ako na poetry so I really try my best para mapansin Niya ako hahaha epic di Naman talaga ako ganun eh that's out of my control. Ginawa ko ay parang binabasa ko Yung libro kahit Hindi Naman na nakaharap sa part Ng library hahahaha.of course Hindi nya ako napansin naconclude ko na na medyo cold siya hahaha that's a challenge in my part. Mission failed 😂

3.Remember the day na nasa SP Kayo Ni eloisa diko Rin Alam Kung bakit andun Kayo and same as well sa mga mga tarantado Kong barkada.

Pinatulan ko yung dare ng my barkada ko na "matt crush mo suna Diba" balita namin first siya and matangkad. Paano na Yung sinasabi mo na not interested ka sa mga lower years or first year na kapag sinasabi namin na punta Tayo sa la 3rd floor Kasi marami magaganda na first year ngayon eh lagi mong sinasabi na "sikay lattan masadot nak agbati nak lattan toy SA" tapos Yung isa naman "matt long legged met suna kunak man nu haan mo type or not interested ka ti medyo natayag" nasabi ko Kasi noon sa kanya na puro crush mo matangkad ah anu bang meron? sorry honey haha until now natatawa parin ako sa term nung barkada ko na"longlegged" (matangkad na babae) it feels like wag magsalita Ng patapos haha kinain ko mga sinabi ko noon. so ayun Sabi na nila la dare damagem man nagan na or Anya fb na. Me be like di ako nagsalita sakto Naman na umalis na Kayo. Nagsalita na ako sige Give me 1 week hahahah sumabat yung isa awan etoy kapoy adda py makincrush kenka kada nagconfess diba nga girls ket apay ejy kabain mo. Sagot ko ay that's not a proper way to approach a girl(gentleman ang Lolo mo) baka mapagkamalan pa akong manyakis at masampal pa ako o masnob 😂. Later that after noon si janine na nasa isip ko saka Yung dare haha. Naala ko na one time kausap niya si Rio so talagang naisipan ko na ichat Sana si Rio to get her name. Pero Hindi ko tinuloy haha Kasi ayaw ko malaman ng iba. Pero unexpectedly na sa barkada ko na isa "matt friend ko Fb jy kadwa na attay ken cm8 na gf ko" "asideg birthday mon diba name na regalo kon nu Makitak ah" ngem agsala ka pay sabi niya hahahaha. Me be like haan lattan ah baka eta ti best nga regalo ited mon kunak pay idin hahaha well no doubt right honey?😂 Nakatag ka sa isang post ni eloisa and sabi niya "Janine name Niya" epilyido na? Sabi ko pacpaco sabi nung isang barkada ko so napamura talaga ako ng "gago" hahahahahaha. Seryoso ah gamin parigaten dak palang. Kinuha ko cp niya so I copied the full name haha. In add ko na walang kasiguraduhan Kung I accept ba Kaya Sabi ko noon "haan nanto metla I accept eta" stranger nak met. But well Hindi natin hawak ang laro ng tadhana. Innacept ni Janine later that night and the wave and so suddenly our destiny has started to unfold👀💕

4.janine actually you were the first one who unlock the most gentleman and the sweet and annoying side of matt angelo.💕🤵 Remember the percentage gaming? Haha. Na if ever havey mga jokes ko tataas siya and the goal is pag naging hundred percent is bestfriend na Tayo? So almost everyday gumagawa talaga ako ng way para mapasaya Kita or mapatawa.🤡 Diba me be like Wala bang usad? Hahhahah.i never thought were creating memories because were actually having fun about the game we created hahaha.Baka Kung ulitin natin yan eh pag naging 100 percent pwede bang girlfriend na Kita hahaha charot Lang. Let's be successful together okay?

6. You were the first one na ininvite ko sa isang formal date na natuloy na meron Yung signs ko na (a rose 🌹 a book 📚 a letter 💌 ) so that's my first time and sobrang kaba ko that day 😂 I'm being honest here. Because lagi ako narereject noon sa invitation eh You know Naman Kung Sino siya diba? Hahahaha.But its all in the past anyway and I never look back it distracts me from the now. The right one won't run honey💕👀. And you were also the first stranger who accept my offer na ihatid na Kita sa school kasi late ka narin yung sa sobrang kaba ko ba Rin ata noon at pagmamadali eh nauuntog yung helmet nating dalawa hahaha. Medyo funny yet I feel butterflies that day crush Kita remember? Haha 1-0 and that's one of the highlights of our intertwined haha. I just realize na even di pa Tayo close noon eh I care for you and kinabahan din ako na late ka sa exam mo. Kay haba ng hair haha. Sorry haha. And you actually you're so cute habang hawak Ang Rosas na bigay ko,that's Feb 15 extend ang Valentine's day. Haha💕😂

5. You were the first lady na pinaharana ko 💕🎸🎶 at sinurprise sa mismong Valentine's day. Remember I ask you a night before that Kung Anong magandang kanta para sa paghaharana? So ayun na nga Sabi mo (JUST THE WAY YOU ARE, GROW OLD WITH YOU at MISS INDEPENDENT)so it was all set and during Valentine's day pala is dalawa Lang pala kinata nila anu ba yan na scam pa ako ahaha.kasi 100 php 3 songs nalaman ko Lang na dalawa Lang nung napanood ko Yung video na sinend ni gelyn haha mga taksil😂 so far nakita ko Naman na masaya ka that day and I feel so happy Kasi nga Naman iba parin talaga pag napasaya mo Ang crush mo hahahaha. I'm so gentleman in all aspects right? And a man with surprises.

[academyofbrokenhearts]

As We Move You Can't Tell Us Apart

Suna is unusually silent and dismissive, and Kaya attempts to talk to her, with unexpected results. One-shot.

Author note: We saw Kaya implying that there used to be something between him and Pırıl in the latest trailer, and we also saw him touching her cheek. We also saw Suna apparently walking in on this.

As of now, I have zero idea what this will mean canon wise, but Twitter user hanasfx came up with a jealousy prompt inspired by the scenes in the trailer, so I took it and ran away with it. Hope I did justice to everyone who was expecting a fic based on this.

Title inspired by Klaxons's song "Twin Flames". I did struggle with the title more than usual.

AO3 link here.

Suna has been in the bathroom for a long time, and Kaya starts to believe something is amiss.

She has kept her distance from him the entire day, but he hasn't been very alarmed at first - he knows she goes through a difficult period (to put it mildly), and is perfectly content with giving her space until she sorts everything out.

Except that sorting things out seems to take her a lot more than he expected. She had been acting out with him the entire day after her fight with Pelin, but at least she had been talking to him, even if it was only to argue. Today she has been awfully quiet - and he doesn't like it one bit.

Right at the moment when he finally makes up his mind to go and knock at the bathroom's door, she gets out. It looks like she took a bath; her hair is still slightly wet, and her cheeks are pink and flushed, but her entire posture is rigid and cold, and she doesn't even look at him.

He takes a deep breath. Not ideal to start this conversation in the evening right before sleep, but it does look like their bedroom is the only place where she can't successfully avoid him.

"Suna, care to tell me what's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing is wrong," she answers with a fake cheerfulness that doesn't fool him one bit.

She had the exact same smile when she had told him, before their failed wedding, that he was never going to be able to get rid of her. At that time, her words had bothered him deep down inside; he had understood her reaction only after she had confessed she knew about that horrible conversation he had had with his mother.

That's how Suna acts, at least with him. Walls up whenever she's hurt - or whenever she fears she might be hurt.

"No use to play this game with me," he says out loud, studying her carefully. "You forget that I do know you a bit better now. I know something is wrong."

"I can only admire your insight," she answers, sarcasm dripping from every word. "Did it take you long to come up with that one?"

"I don't mean the current general situation," he replies patiently. "I mean with you. You look like you are upset with me, and no, don't tell me this is about Pelin, because you did not act like that after the Pelin incident. There's something more, I know it. In fact..."

He pauses for a bit, tries to think of it. There was a moment during the day when he pinched Pırıl's cheek, but she cannot possibly be mad about that... can she?

Suna presses her lips together, her expression more stubborn than Kaya thought it possible. It's clear she is not willing to talk, and well, something's got to give, so he just says it, even if he doesn't believe it himself.

"Wait, is this about Pırıl?"

And then he watches in wonder his wife's cheeks reddening, She's lost for words for a few seconds, and then she explodes in a laugh that is just as loud as it is fake.

"Pırıl? Please, why would I even care about Pırıl? But it does look like you care about her a lot, I have to say I think it's interesting. I didn't know you were such good friends."

All the stars above, Kaya thinks in disbelief. She cannot be jealous. This is simply not happening.

"I just think," Suna goes on, voice raising slightly, "that it's a bit unfair to go on about how we promised to be honest with each other and have each other's backs and all that sweet talk, only for you to have friendships I am not even aware of. I do wonder how many other friends you have I know nothing about."

"Oh for the love of God," Kaya begins, only for her to cut him off immediately:

"And don't even bother trying to deny it, because I saw you, and I do clearly remember telling you not to play with me!"

"Wait a second," he says, increasingly angry. "Are you seriously accusing me of having a thing with Pırıl behind your back? For your information, when I make a promise, I always intend to keep it! I asked you to marry me, and I promised you loyalty and support, and I intend to keep that promise for as long as we are married! Or maybe you're implying we had a thing in the past - in which case, newsflash, everyone has a past! Even you have one! May I remind you that your ex is actually living in this house, and you have not heard a single complaint from me about this?!"

"Well, maybe you should talk about it, if it bothers you so much!" Suna explodes all of a sudden. "Maybe you should ask me about it! But it's very clear that it does not bother you in the slightest, and that I am the only one who is bothered by all of this!"

Before she can go on any further, he covers the distance between them in two steps and kisses her.

She's struggling at first, trying to escape, but then, when his tongue parts her lips and enters her mouth, she stops fighting him, and actually drags him more towards her, responding to his kiss with the same intensity. It goes on, and on, and when they finally stop, they're both breathless, and there are a few seconds of silence before Kaya finally speaks:

"Who the fuck says it does not bother me?"

And then it's Suna's turn to kiss him, and it's not any more gentle than the kiss he gave her. It's so intense that he feels just as weak in the knees as a teenager.

This woman is going to be the death of him, he thinks.

[academyofbrokenhearts]

Of Dreams and Late Night Talks

Suna and Kaya finally have that important talk. One-shot.

Author note: This is a companion piece to "Of Nightmares and Late Night Encounters" - it happens in the same blurry AU and undefined timeline where Kaya and Suna actually get the chance to get closer. Initially I debated with myself whether to just write it as another chapter for that particular story, but I already had a different title in mind, so I just posted it as a separate piece.

I am not a fan of episode 54, but I do like that we found out more about how life was for Kaya as a kid. The conversation he had with Halis was actually the inspiration for this piece, and I really do believe that he will eventually open up to Suna as well about his trauma. She would understand him better too.

AO3 link here.

Lately, Suna's sleeping pattern has been anything but regular.

Most nights, she lies awake on her back, eyes dry, a million thoughts galloping through her head. She thinks of Seyran, of her mum's illness, of her father who still recovers (Suna hates this particular train of thought so much, because she hates her father, but she also loves him, and it's confusing, and it's scary), of İfakat and her threats, and, more often than she would like to acknowledge, of Kaya.

This is one of those nights.

She doesn't really see him that often during the day, not since he joined the family business, but he's always there at breakfast and dinner, and, when they are together in the privacy of their room, he never fails to ask her how was her day, or to listen to her when she feels the need to rant.

Before going to bed, she had shared with him again her fears about İfakat and Orhan, but he had told her not to worry, then had added in English, with an ironic smile: "They cannot kill us in a way that matters," his smile turning into laughter when he had seen her frowning.

"Kaya, are you really joking about this?" she had asked, a bit exasperated, because for him it didn't really matter if he got kicked out of the mansion, didn't it? He had a mother to turn to, or he could even go back to England, if he wanted. Unlike her, he had options.

Then she had watched in wonder the bitterness and sadness in his eyes.

"My life was over anyway before all of this," he had said, then had refused to elaborate when she had asked for details.

Now, in the still of the night, Suna thinks of everything, puts all that she knows together, and feels guilty.

She knows he had a rough childhood. Alcoholic father, pill addicted mother, she remembers him sharing this with her during his second proposal, and how she thought at the time he was doing it only to elicit sympathy. Except... he never spoke about it again. He doesn't speak much about his mother in general, Suna realises, even though they are close, and he had obviously been greatly affected by her marriage.

And there is also the fact that she saw his mother speaking to someone who was not there, and Kaya brushed off her concerns like they were nothing.

Nükhet is clearly not well. Can he really not tell? But it's impossible, Suna thinks, anyone who spends enough time in Nükhet's company could probably see that she's not well. Then... why?

"Your thoughts are really loud, Suna," she hears him all of a sudden, and looks at him, cheeks reddening quickly, like he caught her doing something she wasn't supposed to do.

He's lying on his belly, hugging the pillow he usually sleeps with, head turned towards her, eyes impossible to read in the dim light of the room.

"I thought you were asleep," she says, not knowing what else to say.

"I was," Kaya answers, turning on his side, eyes still on her. "I think I was even dreaming, and it was a pleasant dream, for a change, but then I woke up all of a sudden. Can't really sleep with you worrying next to me like that, you know. Care to tell me what were you thinking of?"

His tone is light, like he's joking. She could also answer with a joke. But what would be the point?

"You," she admits.

"Me," he says, slight disbelief in his voice, like it's weird and unexpected for her to care enough to lose precious hours of sleep.

"You."

Kaya falls silent for a while, studying her in that peculiar way of his, like he's solving the most extraordinary puzzle in his head. No one had really paid that much attention to her before, Suna thinks, her cheeks warming up yet again. She hasn't shared much about her life before meeting him, but he seems to know anyway; it's like she doesn't need to put it into words, because he sees and understands before she can even open her mouth.

But sometimes words are important too, she thinks. I don't love her. I pity her. Poor girl. Unhappy girl.

"Kaya," she says, sitting upright in bed, when it becomes obvious that he will not speak first. "I'm sorry for tonight."

"Sorry?" he asks, mirroring her position, a flicker of surprise on his face. "What would you even be sorry for?"

"I am just wasting your time with all these unimportant worries. You told me you had a plan and to trust you, and instead I keep worrying. It must be so tiresome for you. Probably not what you expected from this... entire thing."

"Entire thing?"

"Our marriage," Suna clarifies, no longer capable of looking him in the eye.

He grabs her chin with two fingers, not unlike the way he did it before their first kiss, almost forcing her to look at him. But his voice, when he speaks, is gentle, the same gentleness his fingers had when wiping her tears back then.

"How do you know what my expectations were, and why are you so sure you are not fulfilling them?"

"You're right," Suna whispers, voice trembling. "You're right. I don't know and I never did, because it never made any sense. The fact that you... that someone could choose me. You did. You said it was because I was the only one who could understand you, but... I can't understand a lot of things about you, Kaya. I can't, and it freaks me out, because... I'm not used to rely on people, but you are getting me used to rely on you, and..."

...and what will it happen when you will be gone and I'll be by myself again?

She never gets to voice the last part out loud, before he takes her in his arms.

His touch is soothing, and she closes her eyes, breathing in and out, and hugs him back.

If she ever loses him, his hugs are going to be one of the things she will miss the most.

"This is not about you, Suna," she hears him speaking, as his forehead is touching her shoulder. "This is all me. I'm the one who has problems opening up. It's hard when you face the world entirely alone. When you have to give, and give, and give, and no one is giving you back things in return. When you must always carry others on your shoulders, because without you they would drown, and then you would be truly alone in the world. And you know what I am talking about. Because you lived this. Just as I lived it."

He's speaking about his mother, Suna realises, heart beating wildly. But if he talks like this, then it can't be a recent problem.

Then she almost chokes when realisation hits her. He only spoke about her being addicted to pills before, but was that all there was?

"Kaya," she begins, gently, carefully, feeling like she is about to unlock something very important. "Dear. Was your mother always like this?"

She feels him getting still in her arms, his breath accelerating all of a sudden.

"What do you mean?" he asks, and the raw vulnerability ringing in her ears almost makes her cry again.

"I saw her," she says. "Outside our room, after she came to announce her marriage. She was speaking to herself."

"Oh... Oh no," he manages, before choking on a sob.

And that's the last thing she hears for a long while.

She doesn't say anything either; she simply holds him as he cries.

"She was always like this," he says, later, lying on the bed with his head on her chest, arms around her like he's anchoring himself to her. "Since I was a child. It took me so long to understand. I couldn't get it at first. She would kiss and hug me, telling me nice stories and promising me things, and I would feel so safe with her, and then all of a sudden she would turn against me, hate me, and nothing I would do could make her happy. I had to learn, Suna. I had to learn how to adapt my behaviour in accordance with whatever personality she had at any given moment. I had to learn how to lie and how to hide things from her, to keep her safe. And she doesn't even realise, and she will never understand. For as long as she lives."

It makes so much sense, Suna thinks. Everything makes so much sense. The way he acts. His pride, his disdain for this family they were both thrown into, his unwillingness to cut off his mother. And even...

"That's why you told her you pitied me," she realises. "Back then. It was what she wanted to hear at that time, so that's what you told her. You couldn't know I was listening."

"I'm sorry," he whispers. "I should have known there was more to it, but with her it's so difficult to say, even now, even after all these years. Even now I'm struggling."

He's so lonely, Suna thinks, and her heart breaks for him, for the scars that are so similar with hers, for the child he used to be, and she remembers the child she used to be, and maybe she dreamed of Kaya long before knowing the real him precisely because the wounded child in her recognised the wounded child in him.

Whatever he feels for her doesn't matter anymore. She will be at his side, no matter what, no matter against whom she has to fight. Even if she has to fight the entire Korhan family, she won't budge, and she won't be afraid. Not anymore.

"Kaya," she speaks, determination in her voice, and when he raises his head to look at her, she kisses him.

It's only a brief touch of lips, and he watches her in wonder when she speaks again:

"I will always be by your side when you need me."

Then it's his turn to kiss her - and it's not brief, and it's not light. It makes her knees weak, it pours fire in her veins and hope in her heart, and she thinks this might be just enough, but then he whispers to her, between a kiss and another, I always need you.

And it feels like love.

[academyofbrokenhearts]

Instead of Dancing Alone, I Should Be Dancing with You (IV)

Some introspection from Kaya's POV, followed by the confrontation with Seyran, with a twist.

Author note: I really don't think Seyran is that horrible. She does have the selfishness of the younger sibling who's used for the older sibling to always be there for them, yes, but let's admit it - she was quite on point that İfakat was manipulating Suna (which she was - I know we all loved İfakat for pushing Suna and Kaya together, but she did it for her own schemes, not because she cared about them as people too much), and she had no particular reason to trust Kaya. So I can understand her being bitter and mistrustful. She should have listened to Suna more, though, instead of concluding that the marriage to Kaya was purely the result of İfakat meddling into stuff. It must have been absolutely hurtful for Suna to be judged like that.

Do I think Kaya would ever speak so openly to Seyran? Hell no, not in a million years. But this is my AU fic, and I do what I want with it. He just wants Suna to be happy and at ease, and if that means having some real words with her sister, then this is what he's going to do.

AO3 link here.

So that's how it's going to be, Kaya thinks, laying in bed, eyes to the ceiling, the memory of Suna's lips still lingering on his. He's really getting engaged, and he's going to be married soon, to this girl who was a complete stranger to him merely weeks before.

Not for the first time, he wonders if he did the right thing by being so direct and honest with Suna. It would have been easier, probably, to just tell her he was in love with her. Easier for him to protect his true feelings and vulnerabilities, easier to just hide behind the facade of a man in love, while carefully planning his next steps. Easier all around.

But he really couldn't do it. Even in his room, before their ill-fated kiss (which he cannot bring himself to regret, however), he wanted to make sure that she wasn't doing it out of desperation or because of being manipulated into it, that it was her decision, and hers alone.

Then she came to talk to him, head held high, telling him she was going to solve everything, and he remembers his heart painfully clutching in his chest, because how in the world could she ever find a different solution? What other option did she really have? None, of course, he knew that, and she knew it as well. He saw it clearly in her eyes. I will defend myself, her eyes were saying. I will defend myself, because no one will, and I will not allow any stranger to partake in my misery, to witness my shame. They can trample all over me, I will still rise. Because I must. Because if I don't, no one will help me up.

How strange it was to look at someone else's eyes and see all his fears and insecurities and pride reflected back at him.

How strange it was to feel anything at all.

He's not in love with her, and he can't ever afford to love her, because she would be a weakness, and he can't be weak. Revenge does not suit the weak.

But really, how easy it would be to just let himself fall. If he were a different man. If there would be no nightmares, and no lost childhood. No trace of the suffocating loneliness that has never left him, that he could never alleviate. If his mother would be different. Better. Whole.

If. If. If.

Too many ifs.

He told her they could be good for each other. It would have been true in another life, maybe. In the current one, he doesn't see any happy ending as far as he is concerned. Maybe for her. Maybe the time she will spend at his side will help her spread her own wings. Maybe she will be able to do what he never could. Live a bit. Breathe. Escape the horror.

Maybe his thorns will not destroy her.

Maybe not all women rejected by their families end up as broken shells of themselves, talking with empty eyes to their reflection in the mirror.

He sighs, standing up. There is no use to think of this now.

The door of his room suddenly opens, putting an abrupt stop to his thoughts.

It's Seyran, and she looks angry.

He can't say he didn't expect this, especially after what Suna shared with him in the morning.

He doesn't even pretend to not know why she is there. It would be so easy to act like he has no idea what's wrong, to aggravate her some more, and that's what he would do in regular circumstances, but... He still remembers. Suna's sadness, the way her shoulders sagged in defeat when speaking about her fight with Seyran earlier. Her kindness when she asked him later about his mother, her gentle reassurance.

So he simply says:

"Yes, Seyran, go ahead and speak. I'm sure you have a lot to tell me. I'm listening."

She does seem to be taken aback for a second, then her anger seems to return in full force.

"Your purpose was to fight against me and Ferit from the beginning, am I correct? You helped me with the university thing just because of this. So that we would fight. And when I asked you to not tell him what I had told you... you went ahead and told him everything at dinner anyway, didn't you? Come on, admit it!"

Everything is about Ferit and her, Kaya thinks. Not a very charitable thought, especially considering that he actually did what she accuses him of. Then again, he doesn't feel particularly charitable towards her at the moment, even less so towards his cousin.

"I won't believe a single word coming out of your mouth again, Kaya," Seyran continues, seemingly even more angry at his silence. "And I for sure don't want you to marry my sister, so you will end this entire ridiculous thing!"

"Ridiculous thing, you say?" he finally speaks out, calmly, stepping in front of Seyran.

"You will not fool me, my friend. I will not be fooled. I'm sure you planned everything with İfakat. You saw a pure girl, didn't you? You saw her, and you decided to fool her, to involve her in your games. You saw she was in need of care and love. You saw her weaknesses and you fooled her. Didn't you? You don't even love her. You don't love her. But I will not allow this. I will not allow it, Kaya! That girl is my soul, my soul, my blood, okay?"

"The girl you are calling your soul and your blood was crying on the terrace this morning because of you," Kaya says, and when Seyran attempts to speak again, he raises his arm. "No. I listened to you until now. You will listen to me now. Because I think you have misunderstood some things, and it's about time to sort this out. And I am only going to say it once, and after that I will ask you not to bother me anymore about this topic. Ever."

He takes a deep breath, closes his eyes, then opens them again.

"First of all, it's interesting how you seem to despise İfakat so much, and yet she came into this room just last night to tell me almost the same thing as you. Oh yes," he says, when Seyran's eyes widen in surprise, "yes, she told me that I had to do whatever I could to stop the wedding from happening. And I said to her the exact same thing I will say to you now. No. You talked to her before coming here? I'm sure she neglected to mention this small episode, didn't she?"

"You're making up things now and I told you-"

"Like I said, you are going to listen to me until the end. Whatever your opinion might be about me and my actions - I really don't give a damn. I'm not about to excuse or justify myself in front of you in any way. But if you claim to love your sister, just be quiet and go along with this wedding. You know your father pretty damn well by now. You know he will not budge, and any further protest from you will make things worse for Suna, and very likely for you as well. So don't."

"Is that why you are marrying her?!" Seyran exclaims in disbelief. "Because my father forces you to?"

"For the love of God, Seyran! Your father hit your sister. In front of me. He humiliated her. And you know, I pay attention to my surroundings, to the way people act. To what they say and do. It was not the first time it happened, and it won't be the last either, unless someone puts a stop to it."

At this, Seyran finally falls completely quiet, her lips trembling.

"You spoke to her this morning," Kaya says, after a moment of silence, "but I don't think you actually understood what she was trying to convey, right? It's suffocating, Seyran, you know. To live under the crushing thumb of someone else. To feel like you're unworthy. Like you could disappear forever, and no one would care. You got so used to have her by your side, always in your shadow, that you never stopped to ask yourself whether she wanted more, whether she deserved more. You say you want the best for her, but it is not for you to determine what's best for her. That's for her to decide. Don't ask her to choose between you and what she sees as her only chance to escape the hell she's living. It's a cruel thing to do."

By now, Seyran's eyes are full of tears, any trace of her previous anger gone.

"To answer your question," Kaya adds, not unkindly, "I'm marrying your sister because I want to marry her, and she wants to marry me as well. That's the most important part. That's what you need to tell yourself. That your sister and I took a decision like two responsible adults, and that you need to respect it. That's all there is. And whatever you might think about me, I never lied to her. Speak to her, if you don't believe me. Just don't hurt her anymore."

Seyran quickly wipes her eyes with the back of her hand, seemingly unsure of what to say and do. When she opens her mouth to speak again, Kaya stops her.

"Not to me. Remember. To her."

She nods, turns around, and leaves his room, quietly closing the door.

*

Later, he sees them in the garden, talking.

It doesn't look like a fight.

[academyofbrokenhearts]

Instead of Dancing Alone, I Should Be Dancing with You (II)

Kaya and Suna have a talk early in the morning, after their respective conversations with İfakat and Seyran, but prior to the epic Nükhet fake meltdown in 45.

AU scene.

Author note: I NEED THEM TO TALK SO BADLY might as well be my motto as far as KaySun is concerned. A true partnership is based on communication, so this is exactly what I want them to do. The basis for this was already planted in the previous chapter, and now they are starting to build on it.

AO3 link here.

Suna is deep in thought on the terrace, a mug full of cold, untouched coffee in her hands.

It's still quite early in the day, but she somehow managed to have a harsh fight with Seyran already. She had wanted to tell her sister not to worry, that everything was going to be okay, that Kaya was not influenced by İfakat, or anyone else, really, into marrying her. That they had taken a mutually beneficial decision like the adults they were supposed to be regarded as.

But all of it became suddenly too much; Ferit's judgemental attitude from the evening before, after having caught her and Kaya immediately post proposal, her father's unbearable pressure, Seyran's disbelief and her firm opinion that Suna, poor, naive Suna, was somehow manipulated into this, all of it exploding into hurtful words, screams and then silence.

She sighs quietly; she had hoped that Seyran would understand, that she would at least make an effort to, but it doesn't seem like it is in the cards for the time being. And it hurts, because she has always been on Seyran's side, and yet it seems like she is cursed never to receive the same energy in return.

"Even if you frown at that coffee, it's not going to get warm again, you know," she hears Kaya behind her, and turns to him, the corners of her mouth rising up in a small smile.

She hadn't seen him today just yet; her last glimpse of him had been last night, after they turned their back on Ferit and his neverending ramble, and entered the house hand in hand, letting go only when they reached her door. He never even kissed her, but she liked the way his hand squeezed hers before letting go, and the expression on his face when he said good night.

He keeps himself at a respectful distance; not even her father could normally comment on this scene, if he were to stumble upon it, although, Suna suspects, he would probably use it to put even more pressure towards their impending nuptials.

So she dutifully warns him:

"You need to be careful. My father could appear at any moment."

Kaya shrugs and smiles, unbothered.

"We are about to get married, and anyway, I need to speak to you. If he sees us, I can just tell him we were discussing our wedding. I don't think he would raise any objections to that. But forget him," he adds, when Suna tries to protest. "You don't look well, did something happen?"

"Nothing, just..." Suna sighs. "It's just Seyran, you know."

"Ah, let me guess," Kaya says, understanding glimmering in his eyes. "She does not approve."

"She doesn't," Suna confirms, eyes turning far away in the distance, words tumbling down before she can stop herself. "She thinks you've been manipulated into this by İfakat, that you don't want me, that I won't be happy, she told me all of that. Even more, she told me she won't support me as long as I insist marrying you, and I just..."

Her eyes are slowly filling up with tears, and she closes them, breathing in and out, in an effort to stay calm.

"I just... I always supported her, Kaya. Even back then, when I was rejected, and Ferit chose her, even if my life became a living hell since then, I was always at her side. Never asking for anything in return. And now... my father almost kills me in the middle of the street, and you... you are more on my side than my own flesh and blood, and it's just so... I just can't believe it. I would have reassured her, but she is just so quick to judge, and she doesn't even realise how much it hurts, she doesn't understand that I need to be free, to be my own person. Why? Am I asking for too much?"

"You're not," Kaya speaks, his voice full of tenderness, and then she feels him right behind her, his hands squeezing her shoulders gently, reassuringly. "I know. I know what you mean. God, I know it so well. I know it hurts now, but give her time. She will come around."

"And if she never does?" Suna asks, turning to him, her voice broken, sobs choking her breath.

"We will deal with it together when the moment comes," he promises. "No use to worry about that now. Don't cry. I want this to be a good moment for you, and no one is allowed to upset you, as long as I have a say in this."

And there's something about the way he says it, with determination, as if it's the most important thing for him at that very moment, that makes her set aside the mug and stand on her toes to kiss his cheek.

It's very brief, and she's blushing at the end, almost unable to look at him. When she finally does, she sees it: a mix of surprise, but also something that is definitely pleasure, in his eyes, and her heart skips a beat.

"Um, anyway," she begins, trying to act like she's not blushing even more, and like it's not obvious he noticed. "You were saying you wanted to speak to me?"

"Speak to you. Well, yes," he says. "I did."

"Well, then go ahead," she replies, when it becomes obvious he's not that eager to continue. "I hope there's nothing wrong?"

"Not necessarily, but not that pleasant either." He sighs, then goes on: "Mrs İfakat came to my room last night and told me to stop the wedding. I said no, of course," he adds quickly, not giving her time to say anything, "I told her I took a decision and that it was going to happen, and I am not telling you this to upset you. Just... for you to know. So that you can be careful."

Well, Suna thinks, bitterly. It was her fault, probably, for believing that İfakat could have something in her that might have resembled humanity.

At the same time, though, her heart skips another beat, because he is keeping his promise. He has her back, like he said he would. And it's right then and there, with her cheeks still keeping a trace of warmth, in spite of what is it yet another betrayal she didn't quite expect, that she's making a silent promise to herself that she will do her best to support him as well.

*

Later, when Nükhet causes an entire commotion, and announces she will leave the house and take Kaya with her, he declares in front of the entire mansion that he will stay behind and get married, just as he promised he will.

And Suna is not surprised at all.