#all day errr day

[hey-cringelord]

his parents are probably drop-dead gorgeous

[luxe-pauvre]

Hi Holly. If I remember correctly you are or were doing a PhD? What are your plans for afterwards or what are you doing now? No need to answer if this is too personal, we just have similar degree backgrounds so I've always found your updates valuable.

PhD is still going. I will be desperately hunting for a postdoc. position afterwards.

It's strange you asked this today as the level of desperation has, in the past hour, increased drastically: I've just come out of a webinar for one of the big consulting firms who are about to start recruiting postgrads. This has been pitched to me as a "good option" to "cash in" my degrees and... not to be dramatic but I think I'd rather die the most painful death imaginable than work for them.

[luneariann]

Sigh

[gingermintpepper]

On that trojan war au thing you're writing. 1. What are the tags for it, cause I'm super interested! And would love to read what you have so far! 2. "And Odysseus is a much grimmer darker man due to his home being one of the places that were first swallowed up by Erebus" - I wanna know more about this. Please tell me more.

Oh , wow, I'm so flattered! I'm very happy it sounds appealing to you <33 This work is a huge passion project of mine so I'm always glad to talk more and more about it, especially since there are many aspects occurring in the background (such as the alternate fates of the main players of the Trojan Conflict) which I cannot properly cover or even explain within the events of the novel itself.

That said: 1) If you mean tags as in ao3 - unfortunately, this work isn't on ao3 my friend :( As I said above, these are elements and concepts in the greek mythology based-fantasy novel I'm currently writing (the concept of which I outlined here in the introductory post of my novel concept!) As for wanting to read whatever writing I currently have available: I currently have three fics available on ao3 that are written in my Pursuing Daybreak verse!

The Prince and Princess series deal with a young Apollo and Artemis and the many consequences they face after Apollo has slain Python. The two works uploaded right now are Exeunt Phoebus Apollo which covers the murder trial of Python and Manent Apanchomene Artemis which covers the intense feelings of helplessness and alienation Artemis experiences after Apollo returns from his banishment and is completely changed. Both of these have themes of family, grief and relationship exploration at their heart.

The third bit of writing I have up is quite outdated but does cover the immediate aftermath of Hyacinthus' death. It's called A Petal Falleth and features Apollo making one of those Big Silly Decisions that have completely unintended but extremely important consequences: namely, instead of the larkspurs being made of Hyacinthus' spilt blood, Apollo anchors the boy's soul to the flowers so Thanatos wouldn't take him. Like the Dawn is also set in this world but because it is nsfw in nature, I wouldn't recommend it as easily as the other three bits of writing. If you don't mind the whole naked men thing though, I'd definitely suggest reading Like the Dawn for a better idea of what my current writing is like (along with eventually getting to see characters like Hector, Andromache and Cassandra/Helenus) Like the Dawn's themes are also different to the other three works with it focusing more on the power dynamics of a god/mortal relationship, exploring masculinity and masculine sexuality and self discovery.

The running theme here, of course, is that all of these bits of writing are centered on Apollo/Artemis or Hyacinth because my novel itself is centered around them. There are, of course, other important characters and figures like Eros, Psyche, Penthesilea and Iaso (one of Asclepius' daughters) but while there is the definite presence of characters from the Trojan War they most certainly aren't at the center of the novel (and the ones that are aren't the Greeks but rather the Trojans i.e Hector, Alexander, Andromache, Cassandra, Helenus, Aeneas, so on and so forth.)

2) The basis of the apocalypse in my work is cosmological! Due to Apollo's err-- untimely departure, there's no longer anyone maintaining the axis of the heavens or the navel of the earth. Because of this, Erebus - whose darkness is usually kept firmly in the spaces between the realms - begins to spill out into both the heavens and the earth. The beasts of Erebus (referring primarily to the Seven Curses - Old Age, Misery, Deceit, Violence etc etc) consume, torment and destroy whatever is inside of Erebus' darkness and Ithaca, as one of the islands on the far edge of the world, was one of the very first places that were devoured in this manner. Odysseus was visiting the Argives at the time for a festival and had left the pregnant Penelope at home since he didn't want her to suffer through the voyage in discomfort. He only finds out about the destruction of Ithaca after it had already been consumed when Athena personally interrupts a feast to warn both him and Diomedes. Needless to say, Odysseus, like everyone else, assumes that everyone on Ithaca has died and thusly is a very, very different man in terms of humour and comport. A part of him still stubbornly clings to the belief that Penelope managed to escape - that she was smart and resourceful enough to see the end approaching and do her best to escape - but that doesn't stop him from being dour for the majority of the time. Diomedes does his best to keep his spirits up in the meantime. Without him around, Odysseus is something of a black hole when it comes to the oppressiveness of his discontent though he does manage to lighten up when in the company of Helen, Clytemnestra and even Menelaus on occasion.

[jessamine-rose]

So I finally found the time to read Chapter 5 + the Hades event of What in Hell is Bad? and AAHHH LEVIATHAN?!! God, his character is so interesting and I can’t wait to see more of him.

Idk I just find his personality and cold attitude towards MC quite refreshing. Not to mention that he has such a lovely voice and beautiful appearance…….aaahhh he’s so intriguing <3

AND LEVIATHAN’S H SCENE?? Let’s just say that my inner sadist was very happy with how it turned out. Honestly, we need more characters who are masochist + power bottom ψ(｀∇´)ψ

[cosmicpines]

happy consecutive years of stressful birthdays to me!

[emotionalflamingo]

Your awesome, also have this

(I randomly found it and it seemed funny)

For reblogging stuff?😅 Thanks bud. Also I would show you a picture in return but it was a bit nsfw so I'll just share this beautiful art by @bxnnie-bxwl instead :)

[woahajimes]

i hate tumblr new format. alsooo whatd i miss

[foxtriestobiteandmaimandkilland]

I’m loving your jrwi updates btw, it’s so fun to see you experience the whole campaign!! I’m glad you’re enjoying it :DDDD

Would love to hear your guesses for what’s going to happen in the next few, because it is a LOT lmaooo 👀

Also quick note - most of us in jrwiblr tag our liveblogs as “#jrwilb” (and not #jrwi) so that we don’t accidentally spoil people in the main tag!! Since the campaign is so long yknow, there’s always people still catching up :O

Anyway just thought I’d pop by and say how much I’m enjoying all your reactions heheheh

aww tysm !!!! ty for the notice on what tag 2 use ill b sure to swap 2 that from now on !!!! sorry 4 the many many wrongly tagged posts ill probably go back n retag what i can (altho it is definitelyyy a lot so itll take some time 2 do) so rn im in the middle of listening to episode 90 but my GUESS for the next few episodes?? errr. hm well its a little difficult to guess because like the crew has abt ten million different things on their to do list. buttttt. well it does feel like everything is definitely boiling up to some sort of big all out navy vs pirates type thing but im not sure if that could rlly happen within likeee. what 10 more episodes ? i think theres like 100 in total so far right ? i mean i guess it could happen bc most of the arcs happen in like 5ish episodes. so maybe that ? thatd actually be sick tho like. avengers endgame style. i think. idk i didnt watch it

im assuming they do finally go back to zero with no more distractions and like meet ollies mum and HOPEFULLY everythings absolutely fine and nothing could possibly go wrong with that.

errrr well they only got finn back recently soo arlin is probablyyyy definitelyyy not a possibility bc finns not even awake yet so even tho i was sortaaa expecting them to find him by around this time back when i was listening 2 like episodes 20 or 30 that is. probably for like. 140 or smth like that idfk.

errr welll. yeah honestly the only things i can rlly expect r like. navy vs pirates thing. anddd. caspian finally being open w how much he flirts w the crew like oh my goddd. godddd idk man like. fuckin anythinggg could happen like omg. altho i think i am expecting some more riptide n. er. whatever. lizzies crew was called. smthberries. but more of them 2gether. AND MORE EARL NOW !!! bc hes back. anddddd yeah :3

[gremjaylin]

My OCs waiting to be shown to the public: "Sooo, when are you gonna stop sharing us to Discord peeps and start showing the world who we are?"

Me: "That's the neat part, I won't."

[astrxealis]

astarion... the man that you are.....

[simpforboys]

nobody leaves rafe cameron

toxic!rafe cameron x fem!reader

summary: after a series of arguments with your boyfriend, he has to remind you of your place when you try to leave him.

warnings: toxic relationship, very toxic and mean rafe (meow), arguing, smut, cnc, dacryphilia, choking, degrading, praising, dirty talk, a pussy slap, unprotected piv sex (errr no no), creampie, angst, a lot of swearing, trying to break up, talking bad about your partner behind their back

this takes place episodes 4x1-3

tell a friend to tell a friend, she’s backkkk

he was so fucking mean.

all you and him had done in the past few months is bicker and argue.

the week had already been shitty, but when Rafe told you he was going to compete in the Kildare BMX Race, you wanted to be a supportive girlfriend.

key word: wanted.

Rafe was tuning up some stuff on his dirt bike, dressed in all black. you sat on the sand next to him, just admiring him as he worked.

it was rare for him to wear all black, and the look was driving you insane.

“you gonna keep starin’ at me?” Rafe teases softly.

“mhm.” you hummed, grinning.

the announcer came on to say there was about five minutes til the race so everyone should head over to the start.

“hand me my helmet, would ya?” Rafe asks.

you stand up, wiping the sand from your denim skirt and grab his black helmet. you hand him it, feeling his large hand come down to help wipe some of the sand off your ass.

“there you go,” he coos.

“good luck, baby.” you murmur, pressing a soft kiss to his lips.

he just mumbles a soft thank you, slipping on his helmet as he starts the bike’s engine, switches gears, and takes off over to the starting line.

➽───────────────────❥

the race had been going smoothly. Rafe was in first the entire time…

until JJ Maybank decided to jump the river bank, landing in front of Rafe.

you watched anxiously, cheering on for your longterm boyfriend. but when Rafe’s front wheel collided with JJ’s back wheel, the two guys crashed and were flung off their bikes.

the rest of the racers zoom by, causing Topper to win.

“oh, shit.” you curse under your breath, running over to where Rafe was on the floor.

“are you okay?” you ask, trying to help him up. he shrugs you off of him, too clouded by anger.

he storms over to where John B and Sarah are with you hot on his tail.

“get used to it.” Rafe grumbles, causing John B to look at him.

“what’d you say?” John B asks, clearly frustrated. when Rafe doesn’t respond, he shoves him.

“what’d you say?!” John B repeats, louder this time as Rafe shoves him back.

“get used to it! get used to it, alright? this is forever, ya’ll don’t get to win!” Rafe yells as Sarah steps in between her brother and husband.

“you could have killed each other!” Sarah scolds.

“Rafe, c’mon, please.” you ask pleadingly, tugging on his arm.

yet again, he shrugs you off. due to the sand being uneven, the small movement was enough to cause you to fall on your ass.

but Rafe didn’t notice, or, didn’t seem to care as he continued to shoot insults at Sarah.

you were now pissed as you stood back up, and then it seemed like your boyfriend remembered you were together.

he tried to wrap his arm around your shoulders for support, still aching and hurt from the crash.

you just shrugged him off, storming away.

“y/n!” Rafe calls after you.

➽───────────────────❥

he somehow managed to apologize and charm his way back into your pants the day after the race.

but when you and Rafe walked into Topper’s little celebration party at one of the villas, Topper embraced Rafe into a hug, clearly drunk from the intense game of beer pong.

“you see him? his dad shot and killed Sheriff Peterkin.” some girl mutters to her boyfriend.

unfortunately, Rafe overheard.

“leave it—“ you started, but he was already going over to the girl, who was now backing up against the wall.

“what’d you say?” he asks, the girl’s boyfriend pushing Rafe back.

“go away, Rafe.” the boyfriend grumbles, but Rafe doesn’t back down.

“no, no, if you have something to say, say it to my face.” Rafe slaps his cheek for emphasis, but Topper and you move to pull him back.

“hey, relax, okay?” you tried to say, watching him grab a bottle of alcohol and start drinking it.

“just— just get the fuck off of me right now.” Rafe says coldly, obviously pissed off about the situation.

you grit your teeth, a pit forming in your stomach as you bit back a response. but you obliged, walking away from him.

➽───────────────────❥

yet again, he managed to apologize and charm his way back into your pants, reassuring you that he’s just going through a lot of stress about the deal with Hollis.

but the final breaking point was when your father had came to you about pushing Rafe towards his teetering decision about becoming Hollis’ partner.

you immediately said no, not wanting to go behind your boyfriend’s back. so when you drove over to the yacht club Rafe was at, you found him sipping on a margarita with Topper and Ruthie.

“what about your girlfriend?” Ruthie asks, making you stop in your tracks.

it was wrong to listen in on his conversation, but a part of you wanted to hear what he had to say about you.

“who, y/n?” Rafe asks, making Ruthie nod.

“she’s not my girlfriend… we’re just hookin’ up, ya’know?” Rafe murmurs, drinking more of his margarita.

a pain started to form where your heart was, a deep frown on your face as he spoke.

“i thought she moved in.” Topper furrows his brows.

“she’s not going to move in… i would never live with a pogue, i have standards.” he explains, making Ruthie and Topper laugh.

that was your breaking point, the point where you were ready to throw the past 19 months away.

because clearly if he couldn’t even respect you to his friends, he doesn’t respect you at all.

you turned on your heel, trying to leave when you accidentally knocked into a server, causing a glass to fall down.

you swore under your breath, ducking out and leaving. but unfortunately, your boyfriend is tall, and he was able to see your head.

“awe, shit.” he cursed quietly, drinking the rest of his beverage before walking away.

“y/n! y/n.” Rafe calls out, jogging to catch up to you.

“no, Rafe! i’m fucking done!” you yell, storming to your house that was only a few blocks away.

Rafe runs in front of you, grabbing your hips to stop you from moving. “the hell you mean done?”

“are you dense? we’re over.” you snap, trying to pull out of his grip.

he clenched his jaw, laughing bitterly.

“i don’t know what you think you heard, but-“

“i don’t think anything. i know you just basically said you could never take me seriously as a girlfriend since i’m a pogue.” you cut him off, lip trembling as you wipe away a tear rolling down your cheek.

“i didn’t mean it like that, baby.” Rafe coos, just trying to charm his way back.

“no, stop. it’s not going to fucking work, Rafe. i’m serious… we’re done.”

“no, we’re not.” Rafe says, his voice dangerously low.

“yes, we are,” you spit.

Rafe roughly grabs you, pushing you into the back of his car. once you’re inside, he moves on top of you, grabbing your throat with his hand.

“you think you can just leave me?” he laughs piercingly, his face barely a few inches from yours.

you didn’t respond, causing him to squeeze your neck. “i fucking hate you.”

“no, you don’t.” Rafe murmurs, unbuttoning your shorts, pushing them down your thighs.

“stop, Rafe-“

“no, you’re going to fucking listen to me!” Rafe yells, forcing you to stare up at him.

“nobody leaves me, you understand?” he asks, his voice breathy and dark.

chills ran down your spine, your eyes wide in fear as your body trembled.

“you fuckin’ understand?” Rafe reiterates, barely slapping your clothed cunt.

“y-yes,” you whimper.

“good girl. now, ‘m gonna fuck this pussy because ‘s mine, yeah?” Rafe says, not really asking.

all you do is nod in response, hating how your clit is throbbing with need.

“you’re lucky i’m not gonna make you suck my cock right now… just wanna remind my girl that she will always be my girl.”

he’s rambling as he shoves his shorts down just enough for his dick to sprang free. he’s always been well endowed, with an 8.5 inch cock, a pretty pink tip, and two prominent veins you always loved to lick on.

“wearin’ these fucking panties… you wanted this, huh? wanted to come and try and make a fool outta me?” Rafe grumbles, pulling the pink lace to the side to reveal your drenched cunt.

you shake your head, tears forming in your eyes from the situation. you were hurt, angry, and fucking horny.

Rafe wastes no time in sliding his cock into your hungry hole, his hand tightening around your throat.

“mhmm, my girl ‘s always so hungry for me. look at this slutty hole suckin’ me in,” he purrs.

he pushes his hips until your clit is pressed against his pelvis, a few tears rolling down your cheeks with your lip in a pout.

“that’s a good girl… fuckin’ cry for me.” Rafe grunts, starting to piston his hips as he fucks you in the backseat of his car.

your hands gripped the shoulder of the passenger seat and the headrest of the back, pretty eyes fluttering shut as your cunt clenched around him.

“yeah… look at you clenching f’me… so needy for this dick.” Rafe coos, forcing you to look at him.

“open your mouth.”

you don’t oblige at first, too overwhelmed in pleasure and the fact that you’re getting fucked by the same man who just talked shit about you.

he uses his fingers to open your jaw, spitting in your mouth. “when i tell you to do somethin’, you fucking do it. swallow.”

you swallow his spit, pussy fluttering around his relentless cock.

“good girl.”

“Rafe— fuck…” you pant.

the car shook as he pounded into your soaping cunt, his balls slapping against your ass.

“tell me who this slutty pussy belongs to.”

“y-you, Rafe… my slutty pussy belongs to you.” you trembled, hand gripping his forearm as he continued to apply pressure to your neck.

“you understandin’ that you can never leave me? that you’ll always be Rafe Cameron’s whore?” he coos, his eyes dark, voice low.

you nod, body shaking as your breathing grows heavier.

“that’s what i thought… all you needed was a good fuckin’ and you’re all well behaved n shit.”

his mean words were turning you on more unfortunately, your belly tightening with each rough thrust.

but when he took his hand off of your neck, beginning to toy with your aching clit.

“look at this clit… all swollen n throbbing f’me. fuck, you’re such a needy whore.” Rafe grunts, his cock twitching inside of you.

all you could do was nod, dizzy and lightheaded from pleasure.

“is my girl gonna cum f’me?” he coos tauntingly, the pad of his thumb flicking teasingly on your hard nub.

“p-please… please, Rafey…”

he moans at the nickname, losing his composure for a second as his balls clench, trying to hold off his orgasm until you explode on him.

“come on, baby. cum on this dick.”

at his approval, you let the coil in your stomach snap. you whimper loudly, clinging onto anything you can reach as your body trembles beneath him.

your orgasm triggers Rafe’s, pussy walls fluttering around him so deliciously he has no choice but to cum inside you.

“take this cum… take my fucking seed.” he groans, hips stuttering as he fills you to the brim.

you pant, vision blurry and suddenly needy for water when you begin to come back down from cloud nine.

you pulled him down into a soft, tender kiss, panting into each-other’s mouths.

Rafe leaned forward, grabbing a half empty water bottle from the cupholder you had left there as he unscrews the cap, holding the hole to your mouth.

“drink,” he murmured.

you happily complied, the water soothing your throat.

“good girl,” he hums in approval.

you couldn’t help but clench around him at the praise, and Rafe’s head fell slightly at the feeling, a proud smirk tugging on his lips.

he knew he was training you so well, even if you needed a reminder every now and then <33.

[fighter232]

RELA HATI

Aku sebenarnya dah lama baca cerita-cerita sumbang mahram ni dalam paper. Tapi semuanya kes di paksa, terpaksa atau pun cam kes rogollah. Apa yang aku nak cerita ni, berlaku pada diri aku tapi dalam sukarela. Aku anak ke 3 dari 4 orang adik-beradik. Anak lelaki tunggal. Yang sulung, kak long, kedua, kak ngah, ketiga, aku dan keempat ucu. Parents aku ni, jarang sangat ada kat rumah, maklumlah, papa ada bisnes sendiri dan selalu out station. Mama lak, kakitangan kerajaan tapi orang berpangkat juga, selalu gak takder kat rumah.

Kak long lak, study kat IPTA dan ucu duduk asrama di ting. 3. Yang tinggal kat rumah selalunya aku, angah dan orang gaji. Aku dengan angah ni memang rapat dari kecik lagi. Lagi lah pulak kalau masa sekolah aku dengan angah jer sekolah biasa, along dengan ucu duk asrama. Aku sekarang umur 18, tengah tunggu nak sambung study lah lepas SPM ni. Angah lak umur 20 tahun tengah study kat kolej swasta.

Aku dengan angah ni memang rapat giler. Bilik aku dengan angah ni sebelah2 dan we all share satu bilik air. Kira kalau nak masuk bilik angah ikut bilik air bolehlah. Bayangkanlah sebelum ni, angah selalu lepak dalam bilik aku dan kadang-kadang kalau waktu pagi angah mesti kejut aku tido dan sambil kacau aku tido, dia tido sebelah aku.

Waktu tuh aku pakai short jek tanpa underwear (jarang pakai underwear kalau kat rumah) dan angah ni, kadang-kadang pakai baju kelawar, kadang-kadang pakai short dengan t-shirt, kadang pakai t-shirt besar. Tapi apa yang aku tau, angah tak pernah pakai bra, sebab aku selalu rasa breast angah bila dia baring sebelah aku. Masa tuh, aku takder pikir apa pun, stim pun tak, maklumlah, tengah mengantuk, lagipun, akak aku sendiri. Memang innocent habis lah. So, selalu lah adegan aku tersentuh breast angah atau angah tersentuh batang aku. Tapi takder apa berlaku, biasa jek.

Lagipun batang aku masa tuh dalam keadaan normal (kecut)..hehehe... Nak di jadikan cerita, satu hari tu, hari selasa kalau aku tak silap dalam bulan 2 lepas aku tengok vcd blue (pinjam dari member) kat tingkat atas. Aku tak kisah sangat, sebab orang gaji aku kalau lepas tengahari memang tak naik atas dah. Dia naik pagi jek ambil baju kotor atau sapu2.

Angah lak, hari isnin dengan selasa memang full day dia kat kolej. Hari rabu jer dia kelas sampai tghari. Dok syok tengok vcd tu, dah nak habis dah pun, batang pun tengah menegak keras.

"haahhh... tengok apa tuuu" sergah angah dari belakang.

perkhhh.. berderau darah aku sampai terus kecut batang yang tegak keras tadi. " err.. errr..." belum sempat aku cakap, angah mencelah.

" alaaa... angah tau... dah dekat 2 minit angah kat belakang acik tadi" cakap angah. "rileks aaa... angah tak kisah, citer jepun ke tuh?" tanya angah.

Aku yang dari tadi duk panik, takut, malu dan lain2 perasaan yg sewaktu.. angguk jek sambil angah berlalu dan masuk bilik dia. Lepas angah dah masuk bilik dia, cepat2 aku simpan vcd tu dan dlm hati... "cisss..pesal lak angah balik awal hari ni... parahh aku".

Then angah keluar dari bilik pakai sleveless t-shirt, hanging lak tuh dan short. Nampaklah bra hitam angah sebab t-shirt tuh putih dan nipis. Tapi aku takder apa2 perasaan pun sebab dah biasa camtuh. Lagipun tengah takutttt...

"Jom acik lunch, mak edah kata dah siap tadi" angah mengajak aku makan tengahari.

"Ok.." itu jer yg boleh aku cakap.

Aku mengikuti angah turun tangga sambil tengok bontot angah yg solid molid tu tapi masih dalam takuttt... hehehehe.

Masa makan tu, aku senyap jer. Angah jer yg bercakap. Dia kata dia balik hari awal hari ni sebab kelas cancel, lecturer ada hal penting. Nak lepak2 dengan cosmate dia, malas kata angah. Tuh yang angah balik awal tuu. Aku angguk jer, sepatah apa tak cakap. Lepas makan jer, aku lepak tengok tv kat bawah. Entah apa citer pun aku tak tau sebab masih takut bebbbbb... Lepas angah tolong mak edah kemas2 kat dapur, angah dtg lepak duk kat aku.

"acik selalu ke tgk vcd tu?" tanya angah.

"tak selalu" jawab aku pendek. "member punya ke?" tanya angah lagi.

"a'ahh.." jawab aku. Dalam hati makin suspen. "alaa...rileks la acik..angah pun selalu gak tengok" cakap angah.

"kan angah ada laptop...angah tengok situ lah" terang angah lagi.

Aku yang masih diam, rasa lega sikit. "angah faham laa.. guys sekarang camana, girls pun sama" cakap angah sambil senyum.

Aku pun senyum gak dan rasa semakin lega. "angah jangan cakap sesaper tau, malu la acik" cakap aku.

" No problem acikkk..kan angah kata tadi angah tak kisah pun" kata angah.

"thank you angah" sambil aku salam dan cium tangan angah. Dah memang dalam family aku, kalau salam tangan orang yg lebih tua, kena cium tangan.

"Acik nak tido la angah" cakap aku sambil jalan ke tangga nak naik.

"emmm... tido jer tau, jangan buat mende lain..hehehe" cakap angah sambil gelak.

"mana ada...orang tido aaa...wekkk" cakap aku sambil jelir kat angah. Aku dengar angah masih lagi gelak perlahan bila aku dah kat atas.

Masa baring tu, aku masih lagi terpikir camana angah boleh balik awal. Malunyaa... dan terus tertido. Sedar2.. aku rasa ada orang peluk aku dari belakang, sebab aku tido mengiring. Sah angah ni dalam hati aku cakap.

"apa kacau org tido nii.." kata aku antara sedar dan tak. "alaaa.. angah peluk adik angah, takkan tak boleh" kata angah sambil tangan angah mengusap2 perut aku.

Masa tu aku tak perasan sangt sebab angah tak pernah buat camtu. Kalau peluk pun, tangan dia tak merayap.

"boleh peluk tapi org ngantuk aaaa" kata aku perlahan.

Tiba2 aku rasa tangan angah kat puting kecik aku ni.. geli semacam.

"apaniiii...geli aaa" cakap aku. "rileks aaa.." terus angah cium pipi aku dan kat telinga. Masa tu aku rasa semacam jek..geli ada...sedap pun ada. Breast angah memang dah lama melekap kat belakang aku, terasalah lembutnya. Tangan angah lak turun lak ke perut sambil antara usap dan tidak. Terus ke batang aku, tapi dia tak pegang, angah buat cam kena dengan tak jer dengan tangan dia.

Masa tu aku rasa batang aku makin mengeras. Sedap bebbbb.... Bila batang aku dah makin naik, aku ubah posisi telentang lak, terus angah cium bibir aku dan aku pun cam otomatik balas cium angah. Masa tu aku rasa angah dah usap batang aku dari luar short.

"angah nak tengok batang acik boleh?" tanya angah.

"emmm..." jawap aku pendek tanpa pikir apa2 pun sebab dah stim.

Angah terus masukkan tangan dia dalam short aku, ramas2 batang aku dan terus tarik short aku ke bawah. Tersembullah batang aku yang menegak 90 darjah tu.

"emmm...cutenya batang adik angah nii.." ujar angah.

Sambil duduk, angah terus mengusap2 batang aku. Aku lak...stim semacam..lain rasanya kalau melancap sendiri.

"acik pegang tetek angah" kata angah.

Belum sempat aku nak angkat tangan, angah dah tarik tangan aku dan lekapkan pada breast dia.

"ramas2 acik" perintah angah. aku pun ramas laa.. terasa lah puting angah dari luar tshirt dia tu.

"emm...ohhh...sedapnya" angah mengerang.

Masa tu aku terbayang lak cam citer vcd. apa lagi... terus lah aku buat cam dalam citer2 tu. Aku selak t-shirt hanging angah tu...dah terus nampak breast. putih bersih, nampak lah urat2 biru hijau. puting angah lak warna cokelat2 pink sikit dan puting angah agak besar dan keras. lawa sungguh.

"emm... tetek angah cun laaa.." kata aku.

"acik hisap acik" cakap angah antara dengar dan tak. sebab tengah mengerang. aku pun apa lagi, terus angkat kepala dan buat cam citer vcd. habis aku jilat breast angah, isap puting. dari kiri ke kanan dari kanan ke kiri. angah lak respon. kalau aku nak isap dari kiri ke kanan, angah kan hala kan breast dia yg kanan. camtu lah sebaliknya. Bila masa t-shirt angah takder aku pun tak perasan. yang tingal short dia jer. aku lak dah bogel habis.

Bila dah lama camtu, angah ubah posisi dan baring mengiring sambil terus kulum batang aku. sedapnya takleh aku nak cakap masa tu. aku lak cam pandai2 jer.. tarik short angah dan terus main2 kan jari aku aku pussy angah. masa tu, angah mengerang2 dan angkat kaki. basah habis pusyy angah. apalagi... aku terus lah jilat pussy angah cam dalam vcd tu. terangkat2 punggung angah kena jilatan aku. angah ubah posisi dan naik atas aku. pussy angah betul2 kat muka aku, emm... apalagi...aku pun jilat lahh. angah pun sambil mengerang menyonyot batang aku. ntah camana...aku rasa nak pancut sgt." angahhh...acik nak pancut dahh" jerit aku.. angah lak buat dunno sambil terus nyonyot batang aku. apa lagi.." arghhh...ohhhh..." aku pancut dalam mulut angah.

dan angah terus isap dan telan cum aku. lepas aku dah cum, angah masih lagi jilat2 dan kulum batang aku. geli dan ngilu serta satu badan aku terasaaaa.... lepas tu angah jilat2 badan aku dari bawah sampai lah ke atas. geli semacam aku rasa, tapi sedap. then angah kiss aku kat mulut. terasa gak cum aku lagi bila sedut lidah angah.

"acik dah puas, angah lum" cakap angah sambil dalam keadaaan stim.

"acik lick angah ok...sampai angah puas" ujar angah.

aku hanya angguk sahaja. angah pun baring terlentang sambil bukak kaki. aku pun lick lahh sambil tangan aku ramas2 breast angah.

"ohh ..yess... yess" angah mengerang. "lick me faster.. harder" ujar angah.

"acikk...sedapnyaa... yess" angah tak berenti2 mengerang dan kadang menjerit.

"sayanggg...yesss..lick me.. suck meee.." angah mengerang.

lama gak aku lick pussy angah..semua nya aku buat cam dlm vcd blue. lenguh juga leher aku... muka jangan cakap lah....basah muka aku dengan air angah.

"acikkk... ohhh...yessss... angah nak cummmm....arghhh...arghhh" angah menjerit.

risau gak aku kut2 mak edah orang gaji aku dengrr. masa tuu... aku rasa angah camtu keluarkan angin..berdengus2... rupanya angah kemut sampai jadi camtu. masa angah cum tu...aku jilat lagi pussy angah, mengeliat2 angah sebab kegelian.

aku pun buat cam angah buat kat aku. aku cium dan jilat dari pussy naik ke perut, ke breast dan mulut. lepas tu aku baring sebelah angah.

"thanks acik" cakap angah. "acik pandai lah...selalu buat camni ke?" tanya angah.

"takder lah, acik buat cam dalam vcd jer" balas aku.

"emmm... angah puas sgt... thanks" ujar angah sambil kiss aku. Lepas tu angah bangun dan terus ke bilik air.

Sejak peristiwa tu, aku dan angah selalu oral sex. Kalau malam pun, angah selalu datang ke bilik aku dan buat terus tido bersama. Antara kami dah takder segan2 dah, kalau angah datang bilik aku, mesti dalam keadaan bogel. Aku pun camtu gak. Part yang best, mandi sama2..hehehe. Pernah gak terpikir nak masukkan batang aku, tapi angah tak bagi, cuma gesel2 kat pussy dia jer. Thank you angah... u r my wonderful sister.

[nicsnort]

Sex Therapist

NSFW 18+ male incubus x female reader

Word count: 2980

CW: hypnosis, dubious consent, illusions, incubus, cuckolding, blowjobs, edging, praise kink, pet/owner talk, squirting; also you have a shitty boyfriend

Usually, I'd have a lore prompt here but I really just wrote this over three days as a way to distract myself from...errr "current events". It is set in the same world as my other monster fucker fics though

You and your boyfriend were having trouble with your sex life. So, you agreed to go to a therapist. Turns out their therapist is an incubus, and he has his own plans for you.

~~~~~~~

You were thinking of breaking up with your boyfriend. He had been super pushy lately about sex. He wanted every meet-up to end in sex, and when you said no for whatever perfectly rational reason, he still pushed for a blowjob or tried to guilt trip you. It wasn’t like sex with him was that great, like it was fine, but you took more pleasure just doing things by yourself than relying on him for an orgasm…not that he had ever made you cum in the first place.

Still, you hesitated to break up with him; the first couple of months together were great outside of sex. He was kind and considerate. Then, something changed after he lost his job and spent most of the day online; he started putting all his focus on your sex life together. Sex wasn’t everything in a relationship, and the way he acted was enough to turn you off. Still, you wanted to work on these problems together - though so far, you’d gotten nowhere.

What you needed was outside relationship counseling. And luckily your boyfriend agreed.

“Are you sure this is the right place,” you asked him as you approached what looked like a renovated club. He had found a counselor through a recommendation from a buddy from his work who had similar problems with his wife.

“This is the address I was given. I mean, open property around here is pretty scarce; I’m sure they took what was available.”

Together, you went up to the club—the therapist’s—door and rang the bell. A peep window on the door slid open; you saw a feminine set of eyes peering through. Your boyfriend smiled at her. “Hi, we’re here for an appointment with the doctor.”

“Oh, yes! One moment,” a feminine voice replied with surprising enthusiasm. The eye slit shuttered, and a few moments later, they were buzzed in. Inside, the office was surprisingly clean and formal compared to the exterior. Comfortable chairs and couches were littered around, a tea and water station against one wall, and a desk where an extremely beautiful woman was waiting to check them in.

“The doctor knows you are here and will call you in when he’s ready. Please feel free to sit down and have a drink while you wait.”

You found it a little strange that the woman didn’t take your names or confirm your identities at all, but you shrugged it off. It wasn’t like this was a selective thing; people only came here if they needed help. You poured yourself a cup of tea and offered one to your boyfriend, who denied it as he sat in a chair. His eyes were on the assistant covetously. 

With another shrug, you sat on the plush couch across from him. Whatever tea this was smelt marvelous. Just inhaling the scent made your shoulders relax. There was a water feature providing a gentle, burbling water sound. As you sipped the tea, you sank into the couch. This waiting area was so relaxing that you were nearly falling asleep.

There must have been a silent fan somewhere as you felt a soft breeze drifting over your face and neck. Relax. The whisper of touch across your whole body. Let go. A ghostly caress upon your lips. Sink. A soft sigh escaped your lips. Deeper. Your neck muscles released, your head tilting back to rest upon the plush couch back.

“The doctor is ready for you.”

You jerked slightly as you were awoken from your dozing. Had you fallen asleep? You must have, or else had your boyfriend been speaking to you? Either way, you were feeling very relaxed. Getting up from the couch, you saw anticipation in your boyfriend’s eyes. He was nowhere near as relaxed as you.

The assistant led them through the door. On the other side, a tall man stood there. He was the most beautiful man you had ever seen. Both he and his assistant should be models instead of working in a place like this. Where did the assistant go? Had she already left?

“Ah, please sit down,” the doctor greeted, his enrapturing voice capturing your attention completely. He gestured you to a couch across from the chair he was standing near. With a soft smile, you did so. Good girl.

You blinked, confused. It sounded like the doctor had said something, but his lips had not moved. Your boyfriend entered as well, sitting on the other end of the couch. You barely paid him any mind; your focus was on the doctor.

The doctor sat in his chair, his legs open and relaxed. Through his dress pants, you could see an impressive bulge. It was so much bigger than your boyfriend’s. So, eager.

Your eye slid up to the doctor’s face. Had he spoken again? No, but he wore a smile almost as if he knew what you had thought. Let your worries fade away.

“What brings you into my office today,” the doctor asked, his voice low and melodic, forcing you to focus on it to hear him. 

“Unmet sexual needs,” your boyfriend said bluntly. “She doesn’t want to ever have sex when I do, and when she finally puts out, she’s no fun, just wants to get it over with.”

The doctor raised an eyebrow. Then his beautiful eyes focused on you; there was a strange shimmer in their depths. “Do you believe that is an accurate statement?” You are a good girl.

“No. He always wants sex or sexual favors whenever we get together.  I asked him to bring my lunch to work, and he wanted a blowjob in the bathroom in exchange. Bringing your girlfriend lunch shouldn’t be an exchange; it is simply something you do.” Your shoulders tensed, and the stress started to reenter your body.

“I see.” Relax. “Do you give him oral sex otherwise?” Sink deeper.

“Yes.” You are warm. Comfortable. You leaned back against the couch. Like sinking into a hot bath, a flush rose up your body. You were so relaxed. Listening to the doctor’s voice, each syllable pulling you down. Deeper. Sinking. Your thoughts were growing sluggish.

“Do you like sucking your boyfriend’s cock?” The direct nature and harsh words from his mouth were spoken in the same smooth tone as before. Such a question should have jarred you, but you were so relaxed. 

“No.” You heard your boyfriend huff. Would the doctor be upset with you? Relax. You are safe.

“Can you tell me why?” You are a good girl.

“It feels like an obligation.” 

Good girls like sucking cock. The doctor shifted in his chair, your eyes could not help but gaze down to his straining pants. The bulge was bigger than before. You licked your lips at the thought of his member aching to get out of its confines. “Do you want to suck my cock?”

“What the fuck, man,” your boyfriend shouted. The doctor waved his hand, and your boyfriend stiffened as if restrained.

“Yes, please,” you replied politely, your boyfriend’s words and sudden petrified state not even phasing you.

“Good girl,” the doctor said aloud. A shiver of pleasure coursed through you at those words. A smile grew on your face. “Tell me, does your boyfriend eat you out?”

Your smile faded into a pout. “No.”

“Do you orgasm when your boyfriend fucks you?”

“No.”

“My poor, pretty pet,” the doctor cooed. “Thank you for being honest with me. As a reward, you may suck my cock.”

The smile returned to your face. He pulled his cock from his pants and gestured you to him. Your eyes were fixated on the cock as you slid off the couch and crawled forward. Just like the man, it was such a beautiful cock. Long and thick with just the right amount of curve. He was already rock hard, a glistening bead of white pre-cum waiting for you to taste.

As you knelt before him, there was a grunt behind you like a muffled scream. Your head turned back to see your boyfriend frozen in place. The doctor touched your chin and gently redirected your face to look at him again. “Forget about him, pet.”

His gorgeous yellow eyes shimmered like fire. They were so beautiful against his scarlet skin. A stray thought passed your clouded mind. Had they always looked like that? Had the doctor always had beautiful ink-black horns that curved up from the top of his head, reaching back to his strong, leathery wings? Of course, he did. Silly you.

“Good girl, brush away all those silly little thoughts. All you want is your reward.” His devil’s tail lifted from behind him, pushing your head forward.

Your focus returned to your reward. The turgid cock before you. Reaching up, you grasped the hot rod in your hand. Pumping your hand up and down, you marveled at how the soft, smooth skin combined with each bump and ridge. Your pussy clenched with desire. You wanted to feel this cock in you.

Silly you. You could.

The growing bead of inky black pre-cum on the tip of his cock was calling to you. Sticking out your tongue, you ran a long lick up the underside of his cock before lapping up the pre-cum. As that beautiful pearl of essence hit your tongue, you groaned. You had never tasted anything so good. Salty, yes, but with an undercurrent of addictive sweetness. You wanted more, and you already knew how to get it.

Popping the tip of his cock in your mouth, you began to bob your head up and down. The bumps on the underside of his cock rubbed against your tongue, pleasuring you as you pleasured him. 

“There is a good girl.” He cupped the back of your head, guiding your rhythm but not forcing you to take more. 

The beautiful creature before you moaned and sighed gently as you pleasured him. “Mmmm, you are already so good at this, but there is room for improvement.” His breath hitched with pleasure. “I will teach you. No worries, pet, I will teach you everything you need to know and more.”

You could feel his body tensing, his member growing hot. His fingers tightened on your head, his claws digging just a hair into your scalp. “Such a good girl. You are going to swallow all of me, right? Good girls don’t let cum go to waste.”

You redoubled your efforts. Taking more of his cock into your mouth. Usually, you would choke on a cock this deep in your throat, but all you could think about was taking more of it in. Each time it went deeper into your throat, you sank deeper into yourself. Relaxing your throat, letting more of his cock inside of you. 

Sucking cock felt so good. Good girls liked sucking cock. You were a good girl.

He held your head in place. His member swelled as his delicious cum poured down your throat. You worked hurriedly, swallowing every drop you could. With each spurt of the hot, thick seed, your pussy clenched with delight.

Releasing your head, he began to stroke your hair. Slowly, you raised your head, cleaning his cock as you went. You sucked on the tip of his cock, getting every last drop of his cum. It tingled in your throat and stomach, warming your body like a hot meal on a cold day. With a pop, you released his cock. Looking up at him, you smiled contentedly.

“You look happy. Are you happy, pet?”

You nodded, your smile growing. He smiled back, his beautiful fangs displayed. “Excellent. Good girls are happy girls. And you are a very good girl.”

The compliment sent a wave of warmth across your body. You were so warm.

“Stand up, pet.”

Without hesitation, you rose to your feet. As you moved, your soaking sensitive pussy lips rubbed against each other, causing you to whimper. Your nipples were rock hard, poking through your shirt and bra, begging to be touched.

“You look warm. It is warm in here. Undress for me.”

Your movements were languid as you complied. Your fingers dragged across your skin as you removed your shirt. The tension of your bra straps stood out compared to how relaxed your shoulders were. Freeing your breasts was a relief. You wanted to touch them, to pull at your nipples, but you resisted. Good girls did what they were told, and you had not been told to touch yourself. 

As you pulled down your jeans and underwear together, a pool of your arousal was revealed in your panties. Your inner thighs quickly slickened as your desire was no longer soaked up by your clothing. Soon, you stood nude before him.

“Good girl. You look delicious, pet.” As he stared at you, you realized that while his eyes were roving your form, they were looking beyond the flesh. His fiery yellow eyes stared right into your very being to your soul. He licked his lips with hunger.

The large wings on his back flexed as he opened his arms, inviting you to sit. His serpentine tail guided you in place. Your back rested against his chest, your legs on either side of his, baring your dripping pussy to the man in front of you. Who was he? Oh, that’s right. Your boyfriend. You had forgotten.

Your boyfriend was still frozen in place. Fear in his eyes as he forcibly stared at the beautiful creature coddling you. Was something wrong? You furrowed your brow in confusion.

“No need for that, pet,” the heavenly being touching you suggested. “No need to worry. You are safe with me. Relax.”

The claws at the end of his elegant bat wings hooked around your ankles, holding your legs up and out. The position forced your arms up and around his neck or else risk slipping off. But you felt no fear. No concern that you would fall. You were safe with him. He would never let you fall.

“I am going to pleasure you, now, my pretty little pet. All you need to do is focus. Focus on my voice.” His low, even, melodic voice spoke in your ear. 

His claws hands ran up your stomach to play with your breasts. He rolled and rubbed your nipples and breasts gently. The spade of his tail stroked your pussy. Just enough pressure to keep your attention but not enough to let you cum.

“Now, pet, do you know why you are here today? No need to speak. Just nod or shake your head.”

You nodded. The tip of the spade of his tail flicked your clit. You gasped with pleasure.

“You are wrong. But that is okay, silly thing. You are wrong because that man across from you lied to you. You know that man, do you not, pet?”

You nodded and were rewarded with a tug on your nipples that made you moan in want of more.

“Correct. You do know him. He is the man that cannot make you cum. He is the man that only thinks of his own pleasure. He is the man that came to me and asked me to make you a cock-drunk slut who would cater to his every sexual whim. He is the man who could never make you feel as good as I do.”

You whimpered in need. While he spoke in your ear, his hot breath caressing your skin, the words buzzing in your mind, his eyes were fixated on the man across from you.

“That man thinks you are a bad girl, but I know better, pet. You are a good girl. You are such a perfectly submissive girl.”

His long, forked tongue ran up your neck. He bit your ear softly before continuing. “You see, I like to help people, pet. You humans are so wrapped up in your sexual morals that you all have such a hard time indulging. So, few of you know what you truly want, but I help you discover that.”

He began speeding up his attention and the rhythm of his words, driving you closer to the edge.

“You humans think my kind brings sexual corruption, that we are evil, but all we do is reveal your deepest desires and aid you in reaching them. When that man came to me, I accepted his request to help in your sex lives as a therapist. But when you arrived, I saw what he truly wanted - you as nothing more than a tool for him for sex and money, a leech. And I saw what you truly were - such a good submissive pet, so ready to find the perfect owner.”

Your body writhed in his arms. You were at the edge, almost ready to climax, but you could not cum. Deep inside of you, you knew. Good girls did not cum without permission.

“Good girls do not deserve men like him. You have so much more potential.”

You whimpered. Tears forming at the corners of your eyes. Your body was pulled taught, ready to hear that word. You need to hear it. You would go insane if you did not-- “Cum.”

White filled your vision as your eyes rolled back in your head. A gush of fluid shot out of you as your pussy clenched wildly on nothing, nearly reaching the dreadful man sitting frozen on the couch. You had never felt like this before. The orgasm was a rocket, and now you were floating among the stars.

Slowly, your body relaxed once more. The hot hands on your body stroking you, calming you. 

“Very good,” his voice was low and evenly melodic again. He sighed and pressed a kiss against your ear. As he pulled his lips away, the softest whisper that you only heard because of your focus on his voice was spoken. “I think I am going to keep you.”

_________

This is definitely a part 1 - I'll link part 2 here

Other Department of Monster Affairs works

Werewolf bites and bodily fluids - worldbuilding/lore prompt for Hello Neighbor

Hello Neighbor - m!werewolf x f!reader, teratophilia, knotting, heat. One-shot.

Minotaur Essence Products - worldbuilding/lore prompt for After Party

After Party - m!Minotaur x f!reader, teratophilia, breeding, overstimulation.

For other works see my masterlist

[stevieschrodinger]

Part One of Rock Star Eddie and Baker Steve wrong number AU

Link to Part Two

Eddie's got dubious history with picture messages. Only a very small group of people have his number, considering he's the front man of a multimillion best selling metal band, he doesn't ever want his number to be public knowledge.

So yeah, picture message from and unknown number? Dubious.

Eddie's had enough dick and...vag...pics in his time that he, honestly, doesn't really want another. But when the picture is followed by a message, "were you thinking something like this?"

Well, Eddie's a curious guy. So, committing himself to the idea that this might be new number time, again, he opens the message.

To be confronted with a cake. A really fucking cool cake actually, it's got a car dashing around a muddy track on top with a big '5' in the middle. All of it looks edible, made out of...cake stuff. Eddie has no idea what it is, but it looks delicious.

"One layer chocolate, one layer red velvet? I can do any combination of flavours you want."

Well. Eddie isn't anything but impulsive and he was trying to figure out what the fuck to do for the 'quiet' celebration they were planning for going platinum. Again.

"I think you have the wrong number'" Eddie types, "but I definitely want to order a cake from you."

"Oh my god I'm so sorry, unsolicited cake pics are the worst 😉"

And Eddie can't help it, he laughs, and types back, "if I told you I wanted three tiers of the darkest, spookiest, cherry chocolate what would you come up with?"

It takes a couple of minutes, but Eddie's phone pings twice in quick succession, the first picture is of a spooky orange cake clearly Halloween themed, covered in ghosts and skeletons and stuff. The second is jet black and has a coffin on top that looks like it's leaking green corrosive stuff and Eddie nearly throws his phone in excitement. "That! The second one!"

"🤣 that's an old pic, I was just starting out then, but everything is edible, the green slime is made out of jello"

"Where are you based and can you make it for the 15th? I'll get a courier to collect."

"Sure thing, how many portions? And I need a deposit up front. I'll do chocolate ganache and cherry filling."

"Errr...like, 150? Maybe?"

Eddie sits and watches as the dots appear and disappear, appear and disappear, and then there's a pic.

It's a selfie of the most beautiful man he's ever seen. And he's standing in a kitchen, holding a cake pan. Suddenly Eddie's phone is ringing in his hand and he is panicking because beautiful man is calling him. "Hello?"

"Hey, man, it's Steve, the cake guy?". Eddie assumes he makes an affirmative noise because Steve keeps talking, "anyway, that cake pan I'm holding is literally the largest one I own, even if I did three tiers, no way will it cater that many, I'm a small business, you know, it's just me. I can recommend you some companies I know would do a great job."

But then, Eddie will never get to talk to beautiful man ever again, "what if you made like, three cakes?". He asks desperately.

There's a long beat of silence on the phone, "I mean, in theory, I mean, it might cost you more than-"

"I'll pay it. I'll pay double, for, inconvenience, or whatever-"

And oh no, beautiful man has the most beautiful laugh too. Eddie's fucked. He's so fucked.

"I'll raise you, two cakes and fifty muffins?" Steve laughs again, and Eddie laughs right along with him.

Steve grabs his phone when it pings, hoping for Eddie. It is Eddie. It's a selfie from the neck down, like always, Steve still doesn't know what the guy looks like, but Eddie's wearing a deep red shirt that he's clearly just dumped a whole cup of coffee down, "hope your days going better than mine, sweetheart,"

Steve sends back a selfie with a lump of uncooperative modelling fondant in the background, "that depends, can you tell what this is supposed to be?"

Steve's pretty sure it's wierd to talk to a customer every day, but he's started to find he's looking forward to Eddie's messages. Even when they turn flirty. Especially when they turn flirty, maybe.

And maybe it's not exactly professional that Steve's found a lot of reasons to call Eddie. He just, needs to get this right, and if Eddie wants chocolate covered cherries on the cupcakes, well, Steve needs to call him and check, right? Right.

Steve heads out into the lounge with flour on his nose and a mixing bowl under his arm, Dustin, Lucas and Max are sprawled on the couch, El lying on the floor. He can hear Mike and Will fucking around outside. He spoons up some cherry mixture, "hey will you try-"

"Shhhhhhhh!"

Well. Rude. Steve looks to the interview they're watching on the TV. It's some metal band Steve vaguely recognises, and when the lead guy speaks...Steve has to sit down. Because that sounds a lot like-

"So, Eddie," the show host guy starts, and Steve's knees would go weak of he wasn't already sitting down. He's certain his stomach has left the building. "Seeing anyone?"

Eddie laughs, says no, but the band mate next to him makes a show of nudging Eddie and sharing a look.

The host picks up on it immediately, "so there is someone," Eddie's still shaking his head, but he's got a shy smile on his face that makes Steve feel like he's melting. "Come on Eddie, give us something."

"It's not a thing," Eddie flaps his hands, "don't make it a thing."

"Oh it's a thing alright," the audience laugh, "come on, give us something!"

Eddie looks uncomfortable for a second before shrugging, "they, uhm, they make the most amazing cakes you've ever seen."

[nightlark100]

The List

I had an idea for a silly fanfic about the teen wolf pack making a list of rules for their pack to follow but i never got beyond the list itself and a tiny bit of story. So i thought i'd post it here.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

It had started as a joke. After another brilliant Scott plan gone wrong, Stiles had scribbled 'SCOTT IS NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE PLANS' in big letters on a piece of paper which he then stuck beside the front door.

"This is ridiculous," Scott protested, moving to take it down. "My plans aren't that bad"

"Yes they are. And no touching the paper! That is an official document"

"What."

Derek, drawn by the discussion, hovered in the doorway to the living room.

"Stiles… what is that and why is it on my wall?"

"This is the official Hale pack list of rules. We must all abide by it."

Scott scoffed and looked to Derek, expecting the alpha to side with him. Instead, he just narrowed his eyes before nodding.

"Alright"

"What?! But… Derek!"

"Sorry Scott. It's on the official list of rules, we have to follow it. No more plan making for you"

Scott is not allowed to make plans

No one mentioned the list again for a while and when they did, it was in a teasing way whenever Scott tried to suggest something, whether that something was what they should do that weekend or how best to combat a flurry of pixies in the preserve. The reminder of the ‘no plans’ rule was met with a good natured groan and an eye roll from Scott but little else.

One day however, Stiles was brought out of his latest research binge by the lid of his laptop being sharply closed. He looked up, blinking a few time as his eyes adjusted to the room after hours of staring at the bright screen.

“What the hell?”

The rest of the pack was sitting nearby, having been occupied by their own activities, with Isaac hovering uncertainly beside Stiles’ chair with a sheepish look on his face.

“Isaac?” Stiles prompted.

“Sorry Stiles but you’ve been researching for a day straight.”

“And?”

“Well… i mean… it’s on the rules.”

“What rules?”

“The official pack rules. By the door.”

Their conversation had drawn the attention of the others, most looking confused. Stiles set his laptop aside and went to the door. There beneath his scrawl was a new addition. 

2. Stiles' laptop and phone must be taken away after 24 hours of continuous research.

“Who put that there?” he asked. The others stayed silent. Scott looked slightly smug but Stiles knew that wasn’t his writing. He let out an irritated noise and fished his phone from his pocket, intending to retreat to his room. If Isaac wouldn’t let him back on his laptop, he could still access his work that way.

Derek reached over and plucked the phone from his hand.

“Sorry Stiles. It’s on the list. You can have them back tomorrow.”

“Derek! Come on!”

He moved to grab at the phone but was struck with a wave of dizziness that sent him stumbling. Hands reached out to steady him, he wasn’t sure whose.

“Stiles, when did you last eat?” Lydia asked.

“Ermm… breakfast maybe?”

“Today?”

“No… yesterday…”

“Hmm. And drank something? That wasn’t full of sugar?”

“Errr…”

“Kitchen. You’re going to eat, drink some water and then you are going to get some sleep.” She guided him out of the hall with a firm hand, pushing him into a chair at the kitchen table while Isaac retrieved some leftovers from the fridge and filled their largest glass with water.

Both of them stayed in the kitchen with him until he was suitably fed and hydrated, then Lydia took him upstairs and put him to bed, giving him a dark look as she promised that if he got up to get one of his books instead of sleeping there would be consequences.

Stiles reluctantly obeyed.

He wouldn’t admit it but he did feel better the next morning. Until, as he headed downstairs, he noted a new line had been added to the paper by the door. 

3. Stiles must be made to eat something and drink water after 6 hours of continuous research

After the first few additions, it seemed that some kind of dam had been broken and the rest of the pack didn’t hesitate to implement their own rules (although no one would admit to putting the limits on Stiles’ research time)

4.  Newly turned betas are not allowed to partake in team sports until they have proven they can control themselves (e.g. no eye flashing, no claws, no fangs, no doing backflips over other players or any other feats of sudden athletic ability that may draw attention to the pack)

5.         All of Derek's dates must be vetted. THOROUGHLY

“That's it. I'm putting a ban on Derek dating” Stiles said, picking chunks of viscera out of his hair. “This is the third time! At this point it's just negligent of us not to investigate anyone inviting you out.” A thought occured and he spun around to face Derek. “oh my god. You're a Xander!”

“What?”

“A Xander! Right Peter?”

“I would have to agree. He does have Xander like qualities when it comes to dating.”

“Again I say… what?”

“Buffy the vampire slayer. Peter and I have been watching it together.”

“Really Peter?”

“It's good!”

“It has its moments”

“Yeah you're just mad cause they got rid of Ethan. Who is 100% you. Just in it for the chaos.”

“Would that make you the Giles?”

“No! Why?”

“Oh come on, they were definitely a couple.”

“If i’m anyone, i’m willow.”

“Wouldn’t Lydia be Willow?”

“No, Lydia is Cordelia.” he glanced around, fearing the redhead would appear and yell at him. “On the surface, superficial cheerleader type. But goes through a bunch of character development and has a power that sucks.”

“Flawless logic. Why are you Willow?”

“Magic. Bi. Brief fall to the dark side. And then Scott would be Xander,”

“I thought I was Xander?”

“No, you’re just Xander when it comes to dating. Scott’s Xander the rest of the type.”

“And I suppose Allison is Buffy?”

“Noooo… Allison is Faith. "

6. Peter and Stiles are not allowed to watch Mythbusters anymore 

“Really Derek?”

“Yes. Really. Last time you watched that show, you ended up building a trebuchet.”

“I believe it was just Stiles who built the trebuchet.”

“Yes but you helped load it.”

7. No Sex in the common areas! Erica this means you! (poor Isaac)

8. When offered a boon by a faerie BE SPECIFIC

9. Stiles is not to be left unattended in the vet clinic

10. Stiles is not to be left unattended around witches

11. Stiles is not to be left unattended around magic users

12. Stiles is not to be left unattended

13.  Lydia and Peter are not to be left alone in a room together.

14. In the event that Stiles is transformed into a small furry animal, he is to be given into the custody of the Sheriff or Derek. Or Peter. Most importantly, Erica is banned from going near him (OH COME ON! YOU LOOKED INSANELY CUTE IN THE BATMAN COSTUME)

15. The Notebook is a great film and whoever keeps hiding the disc will stop immediately. OR ELSE. I think the or else was implied here Stiles…

16. Stiles is not to be given coffee

17. Stiles is not to be given extra Adderall

18.  Anyone who gives the Sheriff food not on the approved list will face the wrath of Stiles

19. Peter is not allowed to comment on how attractive he finds Melissa McCall

20. Peter is not allowed to comment on how attractive he finds Chris Argent

21. ~Peter is not allowed to comment on how attractive he finds Stiles Stilinski~ (Stiles objects to this rule)

22.  When throwing items at people, do not throw any of the books or Peter will eat you

23. No Stiles, having sex with a male werewolf won't get you pregnant. Even if it's an alpha. (That we know of)

24. No one is allowed to drive the Camaro except Derek

25. No one is allowed to eat in the Camaro

26.  Alison is not allowed to take her crossbow to school

27.  Alison is not allowed to take her knives to school

28.  Seriously Alison, stop taking weapons to school!

29. Stiles is not allowed to touch any of Alison's weapons

30.  If you bleed in the jeep, you are responsible for cleaning it

31. Do not enter the kitchen when Stiles is cooking. (This is for your own safety)

32. If you enter the kitchen while Stiles is cooking, do not attempt to steal food he is preparing. Werewolves cannot regrow fingers

33.  If Stiles declares someone is evil, he is probably right and should be taken seriously.

34.  If someone new starts working at the school, they are probably evil

35.  If Peter offers to kill someone for you, he is not joking and it is not okay (no matter how tempting it is)

36. Do not ask Derek about dating Cora

37.  Do not make dog jokes, especially to Derek, Stiles! (Not my fault he has no sense of humour)

38. ALWAYS CALL STILES FIRST IF YOU FIND A BODY

39. Stop asking where our eyebrows go when shifted

40. Stiles is not allowed a pet dragon

41. Stiles is not allowed a pet griffin

42. ~Stiles, stop trying to adopt baby mythical creatures~

43. Peter stop leaving dead animals on Stiles porch seriously dude, my dad thinks I've got a budding serial killer after me ~well, I wasn't technically wrong…~ minus the budding part

44. Stiles is not allowed to use his PowerPoint when telling people about werewolves (I don't care how many slide transitions you put in)

45.  No Stiles, giving your PowerPoint to Peter or Lydia to present is not a loophole (oh come on! I even put a bibliography at the end! it's not my fault you're technology adverse!)

46.  Derek is not allowed to lurk around abandoned buildings. It really doesn't help with the serial killer vibe you give off

47. If you kill someone, please make sure you chop them up or find another method to ensure they don't come back! We shouldn't kill people at all! I said IF! ~Stiles, please remember I'm an officer of the law~

47B. AMENDMENT TO THE PREVIOUS: If you kill someone, please make sure you chop them up or find another method to ensure they don't come back AND make sure you dispose of the body so that dad doesn't have to do extra paperwork

----------------

By request, here is a legend to tell who is writing what:

Stiles

Peter

Derek

Scott

~Sheriff~

Erica

Lydia

Isaac

Allison

Boyd