#all building to a slow and well-earned fever pitch

[merge-conflict]

I could write a love letter to saveoursoulissa for all the inspiration it has given me

[visaviae]

The Great Escape

I've read an unreasonable amount of Worm Fanfiction. About 289 fanfics - all of which I've categorized and rated on this spreadsheet here. A more insane way to put that is that I've read 2.32% of Wormfic, discluding smut.

The Great Escape by ColossalMistake is my favorite Wormfic bar none.

I'm a sucker for some cover art, and it starts off with some awesome cover art by owl_hat, whose stuff you can find here. There's a ton of character just put into the designs - from how ratty Acidbath looks, the joy on String Theory's face, the mundacity of Teacher or the slightly haunting gaze of Glaistig Uaine.

The short of the premise is that after Echidna, after Alexandria, the Birdcage has a breakout, and Eidolon tries to recapture all the villains. The fic does a perfect bead on Eidolon's characterization. He's not evil, but he's not a good person. He's a little arrogant and egotistical - but he's earned the right to be. And at the end of the day, the only thing he cares about is helping people.

I stared those sins dead in the eye every morning, every time I was too slow to save someone or too weak to help in the ways that mattered.

Throughout the fic, he uses dozens of powers. They range from things that he feels are useless, or potent powers but ones that aren't potent enough. He's constantly reminiscing about his glory days, about when he used to be stronger - about when he used to be *better.* Honestly? The powers are interesting enough that I should compile a list of them one day.

The first chapter starts off a little calm. David is ruminating over the events of the Echidna and Alexandria incidents - fresh wounds for him, isolated from some of the only people he can call friends. He's ruined. His allies don't trust him, he's not on speaking terms with Legend, he's put at arms-length by Cauldron to be reserved for the final battle.

“You’re a monster, David, plain and simple. We might have to work with you against the Endbringers, but you don’t have any friends here. Not anymore.”

The Great Escape scratches an itch for an Eidolon headcanon I have - that before his powers started dimming, and even after, he acted something like Scion. Flying around the world, helping as many people as can in as many ways as he could. Becoming less a person, and more the mask - more Eidolon.

Away went David, and out came Eidolon.

The chapter continues into something a little more manic as the news of the Birdcage breakout - well, breaks out. There's this sort of building tension with each name that's been dropped, starting from more niche characters to Black Kaze, to people who had little showings of strength like Gavel, all while surrounded by this sort of *blur* of motion as things are breaking down. Snowstorm, satellite issues, frantic responses.

And then it culminates with a line.

“Confirmation from Dragon, Glaistig Uaine’s free!” An air of finality settled over the room as the last picture slid onto screen. A blonde child, her mouth twisted in the mimicry of a smile. I could have sworn that her eyes were peering into mine, despite the photo being two decades old. “It’s not a breach. It’s…all of them. Loose.” I didn’t spare Young Buck a glance, but his bravado appeared to have fled. As the din in the room rose to a fever pitch, I remained silent. I’d asked for another chance to be useful. A second chance to help as many people as possible before they put me on a shelf, a relic to be laughed at before the end of the world. God had answered. Now it was my turn.

I'll talk briefly about the second chapter, too. It's a lengthy interlude that shows a series of snips from the POV of the escapees. Each of them running through the wilderness, plotting and planning. The standout three are Gavel, Black Kaze, and Glaistig Uaine - showing three facets of insanity. The more sadistic and psychopathic kind from Gavel, the more hallucinatory and manic from Kaze - and once again, the chapter comes to a close with the Faerie Queen. A more deluded, a more inhuman form of madness.

But one that she can most certainly back up.

As it stands, there are three sorts arcs. I'll post a line from each that I think encapsulates it all.

First, there's Eidolon struggling with String Theory - delving into his powers and how he feels like a shadow of what he once was. Put into a position that he's intimately familiar with - high stakes, something that only he can do.

But this time, he's not enough.

Then the weapon shattered, its only shot arcing up into the sky. And I didn’t know how to stop it.

Next, there's Pastor and Gavel. This focuses more on how Cauldron has been treating him, keeping him at arms-length, while still giving him a chance to be *useful,* even if he's not recognized for being useful. But Pastor is the more interesting half. We see a glimpse of the earlier days, when Hero was alive and Cauldron was in its infancy - we see a fascinating OC who perverts something that Eidolon holds sacred. His religious background. In Eidolon's own words, he perverts Christian beliefs - and vilifies *him.*

I looked back at Pastor, still with the smile on his face, not in the least bit upset by my actions. Eidolon, the ideal that I was supposed to be, meant so much to so many different people. In here, the man in green was a monster of biblical proportions.

The third arc is unfinished. It focuses on Amp - an OC who's an incredible foil to Eidolon. She's naive, idealistic. She raises complex questions and presents simple answers contrasted to the more jaded Eidolon. She had built up an image of him in her mind as someone who couldn't do wrong - and seeing what her own hero has become, and how she betters him because of that makes my heart soar.

“It isn’t a question of strength,” I said. Every branch of the Elite, from strategic outposts to nerve centres like this one, I could tear them apart root and stem. “Its a question of practicality.” They would doubtlessly lose, but there would be nothing to fill the subsequent vacuum. So they remained. A cancer propping up the west coast.

I love Worm, and I love Eidolon. This fic pays respect to both in a way that I adore. Please go ahead and read it. 7/7.

[spacesquidlings]

Fifth Planet From The Sun, Beloved By The Moons

By the afternoon of Gavin's birthday, the heat has already reached a fever pitch, but Rowan and Gavin have no plans to stay outdoors. They'll be travelling to a new, state-of-the-art museum that will capture Gavin's heart as surely as he has already captured hers. And with every new exhibit they wander through, Rowan will be reminded of how her love for him is fathomless; as endless as the ever-expanding universe.

Pairing: Gavin Bai x OC (Rowan)

Warnings: Mentions of suggestive content

Notes: Hello!!!! I’m here to wish the most happiest of birthdays to my favourite fictional boi and my favourite comfort character. I love you Gav!!!! I hope anyone who reads this has a marvellous time, and I hope it brightens up your day just as much as writing it brightened mine!!!!

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Arms stretched high towards the cerulean of the afternoon sky, Gavin passed a long, slow gaze across the trees that surrounded the small cabin they had rented for the week.

Well, cabin was the wrong word. The building was wooden but it was circular with a domed roof, and Rowan had been so excited at the idea of staying in one that he hadn’t been able to say no to her when she’d been looking for places for them to stay that week. He couldn’t remember what it was called, but it was essentially a big round cabin. It had heated floors, a cozy little fireplace set in the middle of the main room, and a full bathroom and kitchen. It even had a loft that housed a cozy  bedroom, with a massive, soft bed that took up nearly all of the floor-space.

There was even a deck a few feet away, with a couple of plush outdoor seats wrapped around an outdoor fireplace.

All things considered, it was quite a nice place. And the look on his wife’s face when they’d secured their rental of it had made it better than perfect.

“Gavin it’s going to be amazing,” she’d gushed, moving to curl up on his lap after she’d closed her laptop, beaming up at him with a smile that outshone the stars. “The loft will be so cozy it looks nice and warm!”

He’d chuckled at that, wrapping his arms around her and leaning back until her head rested on his shoulder, her chest pressed against his. “It’s the middle of the summer, pumpkin. Are you sure you want it to be warm?”

“Well the place comes with air conditioning,” she’d muttered, glaring up at him. “And you know what I mean.”

“Do I?”

That had earned him a smack. He’d deserved it, he’d known he’d deserved it. But that hadn’t stopped him from whining a little when she’d gently smacked him, rubbing his arm for emphasis. “You’d really hit me?”

“I barely hit you.”

“Your precious husband? Whose birthday is coming up?”

He’d gotten a few kisses for that, and he remembered smiling all the rest of that day. Remembered a few other things too that usually followed after kisses.

Well that was a lie, he remembered all of them. Every little sound she’d made and how she had felt against him and around him. And he would be lying again if he said he wasn’t hoping that this week wouldn’t be filled with similar activities.

He let his arms fall back to his sides, trying to peer between the trees that surrounded the small area. Another bonus had been that this particular cabin had been quite secluded compared to the other few that were on this property. The trees completely blocked them off from view of the others, and the area around the cabin was blessedly quiet.

It made it feel that much more private, that much more special. It made him feel like they were the only two people in the entire world. That maybe they were the entire world.

He knew Rowan was his entire world, anyways. And he didn’t want to spend even a fraction of a moment sharing her attention with anyone else, even a fellow camper coming to say hello or asking them if they knew where some of the hiking trails were.

Gavin liked to think he wasn’t that selfish, at least not about most things. He didn’t usually think that much of himself, too focused on his missions or his work or the handful of hobbies that had kept him occupied in his lonelier days. But he was selfish when it came to her. He was selfish and greedy and he wanted all of her attention.

And it was his birthday, too. He didn’t usually make a fuss for his birthday, had often seen it come and go with no fanfare in his earlier years. But Rowan always tried to do something special. Took him on vacation and made him special dinners and treats and bought him gifts and kissed him until he was laughing and breathless and his heart was so full he thought it might burst.

She’d made him believe that he was allowed to be a little selfish. That he was allowed to be treated like he was special, that he could want to be treated special. And he did. If Rowan got so excited about his existence, then why couldn’t he?

And why couldn’t he be a little selfish? And want all of his wife’s attention?

She was his world, sunshine to his sky, light to cast off the shadows, warmth to banish the cold.

He crossed his arms, turning around and peering back at the doorway of the cabin. Speaking of his wife, where was she?

���Rowan?” He called, taking a step towards the door. “Is everything alright?”

“TURN AROUND!” She shouted, her head popping out of the doorway a moment later. “Gavin Bai, you turn around right now.”

He blinked, cocking his head to one side. “Why?”

“Gavin if you don’t turn around I will blindfold you.”

He arched a brow, the corner of his lip twitching. “I don’t believe you.”

“You think I wouldn’t try?”

“You think you could?”

She huffed, stepping out of the door and crossing her arms, mimicking his stance. “I do think I could.”

“And why’s that?”

She tipped her chin up. “I know where all your tickle spots are.”

He flinched, but quickly regained his composure, fighting against his smile. “Sweetheart, I know yours too.”

“You won’t be able to see me though once I get the blindfold on you!”

“If.”

She sighed, slumping against the doorframe and looking for all the world utterly dejected and devastated. “Babey, please. It’s for your birthday!”

He took a step towards her. “Then I really don’t want to turn around.”

She pouted, her shoulders slumping. “I’ve been preparing for ages, though. I want it to be a special surprise.”

He couldn’t hold back his smile anymore, his heart aching now. He loved her. Oh how he loved her. She was his air and his light and his everything. He was a lone tree and she was sunshine and she was filling him with warmth with life.

He wondered how she would feel if he asked to reschedule their plans for the day. If she would be okay to let him lay his head in her lap and run her fingers through his hair. Maybe he would ask her to sing to him, or to tell him about the books she’d been reading or the projects she’d been working on. Anything just to hear her voice. To be close to her.

“Gavin?”

Her voice drew him from his reverie, back into the present moment. To the afternoon sunshine and the cloudless sky and the gentle breeze that did little to cool the warm July air.

“Sorry, I was thinking.”

A line formed between her brow and she straightened, coming towards him. “Thinking about what? Are you okay?”

He took a few steps towards her, closing the distance between them. She blinked, not realizing what he was doing until it was too late, until he had lifted her into his arms and pressed his face against her throat, trailing kisses over the pulse of her heart, sinking his teeth into her skin, earning a quiet gasp.

“Thinking of you,” he murmured, pulling away enough to meet her gaze, to catch her lips in a long, slow kiss. She tipped her head to the side, opening her mouth for him, sighing as his fingers tangled in her hair, holding her in place.

His body felt warm, and he felt dizzy, lightheaded like he was drunk or like he’d been spun around in a carnival ride.

He broke away slowly, wishing he didn’t need air. Wishing he could kiss her forever. Her eyes were glassy, her cheeks flushed, her breath ragged as she tried and failed to gain control of herself.

Gavin couldn’t help smiling again, not when he noticed the way she’d hooked her legs around his waist, how she clung to him, how she seemed unwilling to let go.

“Do you want to put today’s activities on hold?” He asked, letting his voice drop an octave, letting it sound rough and warm, and maybe just the tiniest bit needy.

Not that he was only a tiny bit needy. He was always needy. He was always needy for her.

He slid his hand up her thigh, played with the hem of her dress, which had ridden up when she’d wrapped her legs around him. “Maybe we could do something just the two of us?”

Her chest rose and fell slowly, her eyes unfocused as they skated over his face. “Something?”

He couldn’t help smiling at the quiet neediness in her own voice, the way she had so quickly been robbed of all thought.

He slid his hand up higher, beneath her dress, tracing his finger against the soft skin of her thigh. “Something for just us.”

Colour bloomed across her face, the crimson of a sunset sky, her breath catching. She blinked, like she was struggling to process what he was saying.

He took one step back towards the cabin, then another. Leaned close so his words caressed her ear. “I think there’s something I’d like to unwrap early.”

Out of anything he could have said, those were the words that seemed to snap Rowan back into the present. She shook her head furiously, struggling to extricate herself from his arms, although he was loath to set her down. He wanted to hold her, he wanted to keep holding her. Why couldn’t he hold his wife in his arms?

But she was unwrapping her legs from his waist, wiggling until he finally relented and set her back on her feet. She glared up at him, her mouth pressing into a thin line.

“I planned out a special day today,” she whined, resorting to slumping her shoulders and pouting. “I wanted to make you happy.”

“I’m always happy with you,” he murmured, ducking his head to find her eyes. “No matter what we’re doing I’m always happy with you.”

“I just want to make your birthday special.”

“It always is as long as I have you by my side.”

A smile pulled at the corners of her mouth, and Gavin grinned, delight dancing through his chest like sunshine over rippling ocean waves.

“We can continue later,” he murmured, grasping her chin gently and lifting it up, so he could see her face clearly, so he could see the beautiful blush that crept over her face.

She nodded, looking like she was at a loss for words once more.

He arched a brow, trying and failing not to laugh. But it was hard when she looked like that, still so flustered. “Wasn’t there something you were doing before?”

A line formed between her brow as she thought for a moment, then gasped, her eyes lighting up as she remembered. “Yes! And you have to turn around! And close your eyes!”

He chuckled, deciding that this time he would oblige. He turned around, covering his eyes with his hands. “Okay, I’m ready! How long do you need?”

“Just wait until I tell you it’s okay.”

“Yes ma’am.”

She sighed, long and loud. “You’re lucky I love you.”

“I’m the luckiest person in the universe to be loved by you.”

He was sure her cheeks were an even brighter red now, and he smiled wider, earning a light smack as she walked past him.

“You’d hit me on my birthday?!”

“It’s not your birthday yet,” she said, pinching his side as she passed him.

“I’ll get you back for that,” he teased, letting his voice drop low again.

“I’m sure you will,” she sang, as if he’d told her he would buy her flowers.

He should buy her flowers, now that he was thinking about it. He hadn’t bought any flowers in a while, and she loved to press them and hide them in books around the house.

It was a little like a scavenger hunt, and every time he found one he couldn’t help smiling. It always felt like a little piece of sunshine that she’d tucked between the pages, brightening up the day whenever one was found.

“Okay, you can open your eyes now!”

He did, spinning around to find her standing by their car, her smile filled with mischief.

“So when do I get to see my surprise?”

She rolled her eyes, moving towards the passenger seat. “That would ruin it! What’s the point of a surprise then?”

He sighed, although he knew it wouldn’t do any good. He doubted he would be able to pry any details from her. For now he would just have to yield to her decisions.

And anyways he would find out soon enough. If Rowan was packing everything in the car that meant whatever the surprise was would be brought with them today.

Although that was little consolation when he could feel himself itching to know what exactly she’d hidden.

He didn’t know what had happened; he’d used to be disciplined and patient. He should have been able to hold himself back, push the surprise from his mind while he focused on the parts of the day he did know about.

Although maybe it had to do with how he looked forward to every new day now. Every new moment. Maybe it had to do with how there was always something that made him smile now. That made glad he was alive, that made him so very happy he was alive.

He was pretty sure it had to do with Rowan. It was as if she was springtime sunshine, melting away the last vestiges of winter to make way for the explosion of colour and life that bloomed in its wake.

He’d remembered liking things, he’d remembered loving things. But everything had been just a little grey, a little ashen. Food tasted plain, colours seemed dull. Even blood red roses and fiery sunset skies had seemed faded and lackluster. Music, something he had loved since he was a child, the piano or his bass or even just bright songs on the radio, had seemed muted, had touched his heart. But never much more. Like a breeze rustling his jacket rather than a storm that tore at his very being.

Like his world had been washed out, or perhaps like he had been underwater. The world muffled and dulled.

But everything was vibrant now, everything was loud and brilliant and bright. She’d stepped into his world and brought colour rushing in after her. Sunrise and sunset were fire. He couldn’t remember food tasting as good as it did now. Even the littlest things brought him joy, making him feel like his heart might burst with the happiness that spilled through him.

Sometimes he would find himself staring at some beautiful flowers, or seeing something pretty in a shop window, or listening to a soft melody, and his chest would grow so warm he was sure a star was blooming to life inside of him. He would think of her, of her smile and her laugh. Of the way she would grip his hand and tell him how pretty something was. How she would cling to him after and chatter away about whatever was on her mind.

Although sometimes now he would catch himself just admiring things around him. Lakes and trees and flowers and sky. The warmth of a cup of coffee against his palms. The sweetness of a pastry or treat on his tongue. The softness of a blanket against his skin. A cool, refreshing wind rustling through his hair.

The world was big and it was bright and it was beautiful. They were things he’d always known, but now they were things he really felt.

Perhaps that was why he was so impatient now, wanting to peek at whatever Rowan had hidden away for his birthday. There was so much that made him happy now. So much that made him excited.

He felt a little like a child, if he were being honest. Like his body was too small for the sunshine and the happiness in his chest.

“Gavin?”

Rowan’s voice drew him from his thoughts, back into the present. She took a step towards him, her head cocked to the side. “What are you thinking of?”

He smiled, reaching out to take her hand. “I was thinking of you.”

She blinked, her cheeks the soft pink of a cherry blossom, her voice catching as she asked “me?”

He nodded, pressing a kiss to her fingertips. “You.”

“Was it good things?”

He closed his eyes, chuckling at the squeak in her voice. “Very good things.”

“Like what?”

He arched a brow, opening his eyes to peer up at her impishly as she tried and failed to look disinterested.

“Like that I love you,” he breathed, leaning forward so he could press his brow against hers. “That I love you with all that I am.”

Her hand tightened around his, her other hand reaching up to tangle in his hair. “I love you too.”

He grinned, leaning a little closer, so their lips nearly brushed as he spoke. “Enough to tell me about your surprise?”

She peeled away, shaking her head. “I love you so much that I won’t tell you.”

He sighed in defeat, letting his shoulders slump forward. “I guess there’s no winning.”

“It’s okay babey,” she cupped his face with both hands as she murmured his pet name, stroking his cheek with her thumb. “You’ll get to see it soon. And today and the next few days are all about you.”

He resisted the urge to point out that if they were all about him then she’d tell him what the surprise was. And she’d also postpone their plans for the day because he still desperately wanted to carry her back into the cabin and undo the little bows that held her shoulder straps in place, her dress pooling at her feet.

But he just smiled, enjoying the feeling of his cheeks being cradled in her hands. He would have everything he wanted soon enough. And it gave him time to imagine all the different ways he would take her dress off and make her melt.

She kissed his brow so gently he sighed. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” she breathed, pulling away just barely. “Although we should probably get going. We’ve got a lot to do today.”

“I’m glad I get to spend it with you,” he said, drawing her back for one last kiss. “There’s no one I’d rather spend it with.”

He would have kissed her more, held her tight in his arms forever if he could. She fit so perfectly against him, her heart beating in tandem with his, her breath curling against his neck, her hands pressed against his back.

He didn’t think anything could ever make him as happy as being close to her did.

But eventually the embrace did have to end, although after he buckled himself into the car he made sure to reach out and squeeze Rowan’s hand. To remind her he was right there, but also to remind himself that she was close. That she was there with him. Beside him.

“Alright, do you know how to get there?” He asked, slowly driving the car down the small gravel road that took them to their cabin.

Rowan hummed, opening up a map on her phone. “Once you get out of the campground you’ll want to start by turning right.”

He reached out to thread his fingers with hers, the car barely going more than 10 kilometers as they drove over the rough, uneven road.

They were heading to a new space museum that was opening up in the fall. Rowan had somehow managed to swing tickets to an early access viewing of the exhibits, and they had decided it would make a perfect summer trip for his birthday.

Had it been a normal museum Gavin probably wouldn’t have cared either way, but this one boasted private planetarium rooms made with tech almost as advanced as what the STF was often working with. The entire galaxy and known universe would be able to be projected in the circular room, so close he could touch any one of the planets or stars.

The rooms were also to be booked privately, so there would be no one in there other than him and Rowan. As if they were completely alone in the universe.

There were some other interesting exhibits he’d thought sounded cool, about spaceships and the history of space travel, and strangely even an exhibit on how space was depicted in fictional stories.

He would be lying if he said he wasn’t really excited for it. He’d always loved space and the idea of travelling through the stars. Of exploring different worlds and galaxies.

It was fantastical daydreams he’d had when he was a child, but they’d stuck with him even as he’d grown. And now here he was with the most important person in the entire world next to him, taking him somewhere his child self would have loved.

“Are you alright?” She asked, her voice tinged with worry as she leaned forward, squeezing his hand. “You look like you’re thinking about something serious.”

Gavin just shook his head, bringing Rowan’s hand to his lips and brushing a kiss against her knuckles. “Not at all. I was just thinking that I would have been very excited to go on this trip when I was a child.”

She gave him a funny look, arching her brow. “You think it’s childish?”

He chuckled, setting her hand down on her thigh. “No, no. I mean it’s something I would have loved. Had you taken little Gavin with you he would have been so happy.”

“Well what about big Gavin?” Her voice was soft as she spoke, and she reached out to tug at the sleeve of his shirt.

“Big Gavin is happier than he ever thought he would be.”

“He’s looking forward to today?”

He laughed, squeezing her hand. “He’s very excited for today.”

Rowan beamed, covering the top of his hand with hers. “I am too! I can’t wait to see the planetarium rooms! I wonder what galaxies we’ll be able to see.”

Hu hummed, pretending to be in thought. She was his everything, and if all he saw was her, then he would get to see the entire universe in that little room.

Although he wasn’t quite sure how to say that. Wasn’t quite sure if he could.

Even after years of dating and marriage and sharing whispered words late into the inky night, there were some things he still struggled to say. They would catch in his throat, his tongue struggling to form words that wouldn’t come.

He loved her though. He loved her so much. So he just squeezed her hand again, hoping it would convey everything he was feeling in that moment, everything he had felt since she had chosen to be a part of his life.

She squeezed his hand back, as if she understood completely. It made his heart grow warm, made his veins fill with sunshine gold. To be understood so entirely, even without words. He hadn’t known it was possible. Hadn’t known anyone would be by his side, would have worked so hard to remain by his side, to know him, to understand him, to love him.

He cleared his throat as a lump began to form, turning his eyes to the road as they emerged from the campground and turned onto the main road that would take them to the highway. “Where do I go next?”

“You’ll want to hop on the highway soon. Then it looks like we’ll ride that for a few hundred kilometres.”

He nodded, turning on his signal. “And you’re sure?”

“I’m sure!”

“You’re really sure?”

She pouted, crossing her arms and leaning away from him, towards the passenger side door. “That happened a long time ago, Babey! It was an accident!”

He snorted, remembering the “accident” in question. Rowan had read the directions wrong when they had been on their way to a new restaurant she’d been very excited to try. They’d made it to their reservation with ten minutes to spare, but not before going down every side street in the city and somehow ending up in the best parking spot in the miniscule parking lot of the restaurant.

He’d teased her about it since then, and if he were being honest it was a little funny. How was it possible to get completely lost and arrive early? He’d never done that before in his entire life. And yet somehow Rowan had, and it had brought him so much happiness he’d had to cover his face to stifle the laughter that bubbled through him.

“Don’t be like that pumpkin,” he cooed, squeezing her leg before returning his hand to the steering wheel. “Maybe we’ll arrive early.”

She huffed, rolling her eyes. “That was some weird freak of nature. I’m pretty sure there must have been a tear in the universe we drove through that got us there.”

“Maybe that’s your evol,” he teased, flicking his eyes to the side to find her resolutely staring out the passenger side window.

“Getting lost?” He could hear the pout in her voice, and he was tempted to pull over just to kiss it away.

“Teleporting maybe? Or bending reality to create something like warp travel?”

She spun around, her eyes wide. “You mean kind of like wormholes? In space?”

He grinned. “Exactly!”

“Babey, you’re such a dork. That’s the cutest thing I’ve ever heard.”

His face grew warm and he coughed, focusing on the road ahead. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Only that of course you would come up with such a cute idea for an evol. And that it would be like something out of a sci-fi movie!”

His cheeks grew warmer still, the heat crawling up the sides of his face and his ears. “But I’m your dork, right?”

“Of course,” she sang, leaning towards him, folding her arms over the armrest between them so she could lean closer. “You’re my Gavin, my dork. And you make me so happy.”

He coughed again, scratching at the back of his neck, although he was unable to wipe away the smile that tugged at his lips. He was coming desperately close to pulling the car over so he could cup her face and kiss her until she was breathless.

“I’m so happy I was able to get tickets to this museum,” she said, falling back against her seat. “I keep checking their social medias and they keep posting about all these new exhibits. I feel like we’re going to walk out of there professionals in space facts!”

He hummed, happy to listen to her chatter away, happy to listen to her voice.

“Maybe we can buy degrees from the gift shop.”

“I doubt they’d have something like that,” he said, quirking a brow. “You can’t just buy a degree from a gift shop.”

“Not with that attitude!”

He snorted, turning back to the road.

“Oh, but that reminds me we’ll definitely have to get some things from the gift shop! So we can remember this trip!”

He doubted he would ever forget it. Every moment with her was so very precious, and every memory shared with her was kept safely in his heart, polished and shined so he would never forget.

“We can get whatever you want,” he murmured, imagining her running around a display of space-themed plushies. Maybe there would be some stuffed planets and stars, or little alien dolls.

“Not for me, babey, for you!”

He couldn’t help arching his brow again, peeking at her from the corner of his eye in bemusement. “You mean you wouldn’t want to buy any stuffed animals?”

She crossed her arms, tipping her chin up and closing her eyes as she feigned haughtiness. As if she didn’t cave within seconds of seeing a cute stuffed animal. “It depends.”

“A stuffed planet? A meteor? A star?”

She cracked open one eye to peer at him. “Do you think they have those?”

He grinned wider. “Well if they do, I’ll get them for you.”

She sighed in defeat. “Well maybe I want to buy you things, too. It is your birthday after all.”

“I don’t need anything,” he said. “I just need you by my side, that’s it.”

“But-”

“No buts,” he cut her off, shaking his head. “The only thing I need is you. Is sharing today with you.”

“What about things that you want?”

He rolled his eyes. “I want to spend today with you, Rowan. All I want is to spend my time with you.”

“Okay,” her voice was soft as she bobbed her head. “Well for the record I want to spend all my time with you. I want to share every single moment with you.”

And if that was the only gift he ever received, was being with her, being beside her, then it would truly be the best gift of all.

***

Gavin couldn’t help gaping a little as they got out of the car, staring up at the strange shape of the museum.

He would be lying if he said he’d been to many museums, but the ones he’d seen had always been square or rectangular, the outer walls made of bland grey concrete, usually with colourful banners unfurled over the drab colour advertising their exhibits.

But this one was a bit different. From where they stood in the parking lot the exterior of the building looked strangely circular, with cylindrical protrusions on either side. It looked sleek and white, reminding him of the interior of the STF, all smooth surfaces and flashing neon lights. There were markings on the sides he couldn’t quite make out, something that looked like a string of numbers, although he wasn’t entirely sure.

“It looks like a spaceship!” Rowan sang, clapping her hands. “Oh it’s so cool already and we haven’t even gotten inside!”

He tipped his head to the side, reassessing the building. He supposed Rowan was right, it did look a bit like a spaceship. Like something out of the newer Star Trek movies, maybe.

“Are you excited?” She asked, drawing him from his thoughts as she took his hand. “I wonder what the inside will look like if the outside looks like a spaceship!”

Her excitement was infectious, and Gavin couldn’t help grinning as he squeezed her hand in return. Her smile was as bright as any star, her eyes shining, filled with galaxies of light.

Oh he loved her so much, he thought his heart might burst.

“I’m so excited,” he breathed.

“Okay okay! Let’s go, I want us to get in early!”

“I thought the museum wasn’t open to the public yet.”

“It’s not,” she said, rifling through her bag until she found their VIP tickets. “But that doesn’t mean there aren’t lots of people who were invited to this early opening, though. And I don’t want to be stuck behind some pompous rich people or a couple of scientists who are just going to say the information isn’t good enough!”

She tugged on his hand, spinning around to face him. “I want to read everything in here! And I want to take tons of photos of you.”

“What about photos of you?” He cocked his head to the side, dragging her closer before she ran into a parked car.

“But this is for you!”

“Well I want photos of you, too,” he said, enunciating his words very carefully, and extra slowly, making sure to emphasize want. He wanted photos of her. He wanted to remember the little details of today.

“Are you sure? I’m not really that good in photos.”

“I think you’re beautiful,” he said, brushing her hair back behind her ear. “You’re always so beautiful. I want to remember every single moment with you.”

Her voice was small when she spoke again. “Okay, if you’re sure. But I want pictures of you too.”

He squeezed her hand, tucking it around his arm to keep her close. “As you wish.”

There were only a handful of people milling around outside the museum, snapping a few photos and peeking around the delicate gardens that had been set up on either side of the walkway leading to the entrance.

Rowan crouched down and plucked a flower with light blue petals, straightening to quickly twine it in Gavin’s hair. “There we go.”

His face flushed, and he lifted a hand towards the flower. “What’s that for?”

“A gift! For the most important person here today!”

He pulled the flower from his hair, tucking it into hers instead. “I think you would look much better with this.”

“But you’re so handsome, Gavin, you’re always so handsome.” She pouted, running her fingers lightly over his arm. “You don’t want my gift?” 

“Of course I do,” he murmured, trying and failing to ignore the way he shivered beneath her touch. “Will you hold onto it for me? You look very beautiful with it.”

Her face turned crimson, and she bobbed her head, her voice a quiet squeak as she said “yes.”

He grinned, pulling his phone out and snapping a picture of her before she could stop him.

“What was that?” She demanded, reaching for his phone. “What did you just do?”

“I told you,” he teased, tucking it back into his pocket. “I want photos of you, too. So I can always remember.”

As if he would ever forget. As if he could ever forget a moment with her.

She heaved a very long, very tired sigh before jabbing a finger against his chest. “You’re lucky you’re cute.”

He tipped his head to the side, his starry eyes alight with mischief. “You think I’m cute?”

Rowan opened her mouth, then closed it, then opened it again. Had it not been for his tone, she would have said yes, of course. Because of course she thought he was cute. She had to stop herself from squishing his cheeks between her hands most days because she thought he was so cute. From biting him because he was so cute. But he was very clearly teasing her, and any words she might have said vanished from her mind.

She snapped her mouth shut, running her hands over the front of her dress to smooth out a few wrinkles, before turning on her heel and walking towards the door.

“Come on, pumpkin,” he whined, catching up with her quickly.

He took her hand, tugging her against his side before slipping his arm around her waist. If she looked up she would know he was grinning, but she was not exactly brave enough to look up at him. They had been together for years and yet still every time she looked at him it was like she was falling in love with him all over again. Her legs turning watery, her heartbeat fluttering, her breath catching.

And the impish smile she knew was on his face would do little to assuage that feeling. Instead she was certain her body would give out on her completely and she would keel over, knocking her head on the pavement. Like a Victorian woman suffering from a bout of the vapours.

Although she had not brought any smelling salts, so she had no idea how she would be roused from such a state.

It was probably safer to just not look up at him.

Which was so much harder than it should have been. Because when Gavin wanted attention, he demanded it. And she could already feel his hand squeezing her waist, his thumb stroking her side idly while his other hand brushed against the bottom of her chin.

“Now you won’t even look at me?” She could hear the pout in his voice now, although she could picture the way the corners of his lips would be turned up, his eyes bright as stars.

“I miss you.”

“I haven’t gone anywhere, babey,” she murmured, leaning her head against his shoulder. “I’m right here.”

The pad of his index finger tapped against her chin. “Won’t you look at me? On my birthday?”

How could she say no to that? How could she ever say no to him?

So Rowan turned and looked at Gavin, looked at her beautiful, kind husband. At his sunbright eyes and his gentle smile and the soft dusting of colour that still stained his cheeks.

Her knees did in fact feel weak, her face burning and her head spinning and her pulse racing as she met his gaze.

Hopefully if she fell Gavin would catch her, because she didn’t trust herself to walk steady in his presence.

“I do think you’re cute,” she said, her voice soft. “I think you’re so wonderful, and handsome, and adorable.”

His grin widened. “I think you are, too.”

She was pretty sure she would have kissed him right then and there if a particularly noisy group hadn’t started making their way towards them. They sounded like a group of scientists, discussing numbers and calculations and whether the museum would feature newer discoveries regarding the universe and using all sorts of words Rowan didn’t know.

Gavin gently guided her to the side to let the group pass before they continued making their way to the entrance. He lowered his mouth to her ear, his breath warm against her skin. “To be continued.”

She nodded, letting herself be guided up the path to the entrance. She handed their tickets to the staff member standing by the door, who hole punched the tickets before handing them back before opening the door for them.

A blast of frosty, air conditioned air greeted them as they stepped inside a large, circular room. Signs cluttered the walls, and small clusters of people chatted softly amongst each other, pointing to words on glossy, colourful pamphlets.

“Where do you want to start?” Gavin asked, surveying the room. There were signs pointing to the bathrooms, the gift shop, and a table piled high with more of those colourful pamphlets.

Rowan grabbed one immediately, cracking it open. “Hmm, it doesn’t look like there’s a map in here.”

Gavin hummed, squeezing her hand. “There’s a hallway up ahead. Maybe we can follow that?”

She looked up from the pamphlet to where he was pointing, a seemingly plain hallway that took a sharp right and disappeared completely from sight.

“What’s the worst that could happen?” He asked.

“What if we get abducted by aliens? And separated?”

He snorted, rolling his eyes. “I’d find my way back to you.”

“You promise?”

He chuckled, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “That’s quite a silly question, Rowan. Of course I promise.”

She closed her eyes for a moment, leaning into him.

“Besides,” he continued, pulling away. “I would never let anyone separate us.”

“Not even aliens?”

He shook his head. “Absolutely not.”

That was a relief, although she doubted they were going to get abducted by aliens anytime soon. Or maybe they were, considering the hallway had curved to the right, the walls a stark white with bright, nearly blinding lights, and still she wasn’t sure where they were going.

Perhaps they were walking onto an alien spaceship, and they were about to be abducted. Spirited away to some unknown planet where they’d have to fight to make their way back home.

Rowan tightened her grip on Gavin’s hand, pressing closer against him as a shiver raced through her.

“Cold?” He asked, wrapping his arm around her shoulder and rubbing her bare arm. “Maybe we should have brought sweaters. I hadn’t really thought about that.”

She narrowed her eyes, remembering the soft pleading from him that morning, saying he thought one of her new dresses would look so beautiful, and wouldn’t it be nice if she wore it.

“And what exactly had you been thinking about?”

His ears turned bright red and he scratched at the back of his neck, quickly looking away. “Nothing much.”

“Now who’s the one who won’t look at me?”

Rowan was starting to wonder if maybe they should turn around when they were greeted with a pure white gangplank, leading up towards a dark, heavy curtain.

“Keep holding my hand,” he murmured, lifting their joined hands to press a kiss to her knuckles, sending butterflies cascading through her chest. “In case there’s any aliens trying to abduct us.”

She nodded, stifling a giggle as they headed up the gangplank and pushed past the curtain.

To Rowan’s delight it was not an attempted alien abduction. Instead, they found themselves at the beginning of one of the first exhibits in the museum. A beautiful, shining room with walls that seemed to glitter and glow. It took Rowan a moment for her eyes to adjust, and only then did she notice that there were millions of little model stars dangling from the ceiling, reflecting the lights, making the room feel so impossibly huge and bright.

“Oh wow,” she murmured, still clinging to Gavin’s hand. “They’re so bright.”

He hummed, shielding her eyes. “Careful not to look at them too long. I don’t want you to hurt your eyes.”

“I mean it’s hard to escape them,” she said, peering curiously around the room, wondering where they should start.

“You can always lean your face against my chest for a minute,” he said. “I’ll keep you safe.”

“I might take you up on that.”

She would definitely be taking him up on that soon, she could guarantee it. For now, though, she wanted to see some of the cool displays and exhibits, and she wanted to get as many photos of Gavin as she could.

They ended up starting with an exhibit displaying the birth of the universe. Whoever had designed it had chosen to depict the different theories for how the universe was born with colourful, scaled down dioramas. It was only the diorama big bang itself, the explosion that created everything, that was massive. It was taller than both of them, reaching up towards the starry ceiling, meant to illustrate the sheer size of it. The sheer power that created everything.

Rowan snapped a picture of Gavin as he read one of the placards, his brow furrowed in thought, his mouth moving silently as he scanned the words slowly, taking it in. She felt her heart soaring, higher than the domed ceiling covered in crystalline stars. He looked content, he looked happy. The light catching in his eyes, making them glow with an almost childlike wonder.

He seemed to radiate excitement, like he was his very own star, glowing with warmth and the most brilliant light.

Rowan forgot where she was for a moment, too lost in thought, too happy as she watched his lips move, his eyebrows shoot up. He was pointing to something new he was reading, his cheeks flushed. He was crossing his arms, smiling broadly, his hair spilling over his brow as he tipped his head to the side. She wanted to memorize every part of that smile, from the wrinkles around his eyes to the little dimple that appeared in his cheek to the shade of pink that bloomed in his cheeks like rosebuds.

She took another picture, not really caring if it was silly or not. She loved him, she loved him so much. She didn’t want to forget a single moment with him. Couldn’t bear the thought of this memory fading from her mind.

She lowered her arm to tuck her phone back into the little heart-shaped purse at her hip to find Gavin peering at her curiously, a bemused smile on his lips.

“What are you taking a picture of?” He asked, uncrossing his arms to take her hand again.

“You,” she said, her voice small as she let him draw her closer.

“I’m sure there are much more interesting things to be taking pictures of,” he said, casting his gaze around the starlit room. There were massive installations meant to depict stars and planetary explosions, and further away she could see paintings and beautiful artist renderings of the planets. There were multiple hallways branching off from the large room they were in, with displays she couldn’t quite see and colourful lights illustrating what would be in the following rooms.

It was all truly marvellous and beautiful and like nothing she had ever seen before.

And yet it all truly paled in comparison to the man before her. To his gentle smile, to the warmth in his eyes. He was completely incomparable. More precious and amazing than any star.

“No,” she breathed, squeezing his hand. “There’s nothing that can compare to you.”

He blinked, his blush deepening. Then he coughed, his gaze dipping down, his bangs falling so they covered his eyes.

“Gavin,” she reached out to cup his cheek, gently tipping his face back up. “Won’t you look at me?”

He did, although he looked a little sheepish, and his ears were the red of sweet, ripe tomatoes.

“I love you. Nothing in this room can hold a candle to you.”

His expression softened, his hand reaching up to cover hers. “I love you, too. I don’t know how I got so lucky.”

“It wasn’t luck,” she said. “You were just you. You were Gavin, and how could I not fall in love with you?”

He leaned into her touch, closing his eyes. He didn’t say anything, but he didn’t have to. He looked serene, he looked happy, comfortable. Safe.

She stroked his cheek softly, savouring his closeness for a few moments. They would need to move soon, she could hear voices growing louder, coming from that long curving hallway that led to the entrance of the exhibits. More people were starting to arrive, and they would be clamouring to get photos and absorb as much of the information as the museum could offer.

But for just a moment longer they could stand like this, virtually alone in the shimmering, shining room. Content to be close to the other, trying desperately to etch this moment into their memories.

Gavin tilted his head, pressing a kiss to the inside of Rowan’s palm before twining his fingers with hers and gently peeling her hand away. “What would you like to take a look at next?”

She hummed, spinning around as she observed the different installations and displays. “We could look at the one about star births! There’s something that looks really cool over there!”

He nodded, letting her lead him across the room. Similar to the exhibit they had just looked at, there were artistic models of all the different kinds of stars. Blue stars and white dwarfs and red giant stars and stars just like the sun that gave light to their own world.

He read the placards carefully, reciting the words out loud for Rowan, humming as he turned the information over in his mind. The beginning of the exhibit gave relatively simplistic information, facts that were easy to find when looking online or when taking an introductory astronomy class. But the further you moved into the maze of star sculptures and displays, the more detailed the information. Like they were trying to ease visitors into understanding the basics of astrophysics before using more complex terms and explaining things in much more detail.

Gavin had never really been one for complex sciences, and had often felt his brain grew messy and tangled if he tried to make sense of any of it. But he liked this, he liked the way it helped him mitigate so much of that confusion and frustration. He felt like he understood almost everything he read, and he couldn’t help beaming every time he straightened, feeling like a child again. Feeling as excited as he used to whenever he got to look up at the stars with the old telescope he’d used to own.

And more than anything else, he liked that Rowan was beside him. He would read something out loud to her and she would gape, the starlight from the hundreds of crystal stars hovering above their heads shining in her eyes, like she was made of galaxies.

She brushed her hand against his back as she leaned forward, her brow furrowed as she peered at a spinning, miniature reproduction of a star. It was an interactive display, and she gasped as she reached out to touch it. 

“It’s so warm!”

Gavin chuckled, listing his hand to let it hover over the star. “It is. But stars are supposed to be warm.”

Like her. Like the way she made his own heart feel when he woke up every morning and saw her still sleeping face. Her cheek smushed against the pillow, her hair a messy halo around her head. Her bangs sticking up at awkward angles that made him smile as he smoothed them out.

Perhaps she was a star. Or maybe she was a galaxy of stars. There was no other explanation for the warmth and the happiness he felt when she was close by.

“Here, put your hand on this one,” he said, taking her hand and setting it atop another star, this one a fiery red. “It’s still warm, but it’s a bit cooler.”

She bobbed her head, seeming starstruck. “That’s so cool.”

He chuckled, pointing to a bright blue star next to it. “Now try that one.”

She reached out to press her hand to the blue star, only to yank it back with a gasp. “That one’s almost too hot to touch!”

He took her hand and pressed a kiss to her palm to ease the discomfort from the heat. “You’re right. Blue stars are the hottest stars in the universe.”

She blinked, turning back to the little model, her cheeks turning pink from the heat that radiated from it. “That’s incredible. That kind of star could keep lots of planets warm!”

He bobbed his head. “Theoretically, I think it could.”

He had liked researching about space when he’d been younger, hours slipping away as he’d read books and internet articles about space, the planets, the stars that bloomed in the sky every night. He couldn’t remember all of the details, though, about the stars, but he did remember once reading about how stars had to be in perfect position from planets to warm them, and to sustain life. Not only that, but there were different kinds of stars that could and could not sustain the growth and life of a planet like theirs.

“I’m not sure, though,” he admitted, furrowing his brow. “It might not last that long. The hotter and brighter the star the shorter its life.”

Rowan hummed thoughtfully, looping her arm through his. “I suppose that would make sense.” She wrinkled her nose. “Although it’s really hard for me to wrap my head around. Millions of years not being enough to sustain the life of a planet.”

He chuckled. “It is quite hard to picture it.”

“If there are other planets that have life on them, do you think they’re like ours?” She asked, pausing to peer at a diagram explaining the “goldilocks zone” and why it was so important to sustain life. “Do you think the people living on it would be quite different?”

He hummed. “I guess it would depend on their sun, and the environment.”

She leaned against him, sighing. “It would be really cool if we knew for sure there were other planets in the universe with life.”

“I’m sure there are. There would have to be. The universe is too big for there not to be.”

He peered over at her, watching her as she scanned the diagram, chewing on her bottom lip as she went over the information. “Although, I think our planet is best.”

She narrowed her eyes, looking up at him curiously. “Why is that?”

“Because it has you.”

Her eyes widened a little, her mouth opening in a small o.

“Gavin…” She trailed off, her voice lilting softly through the air, reminding him of a leaf twirling slowly to the ground.

“You’re the most beautiful thing in the entire universe,” he said, leaning closer to brush a kiss to her brow. “I know nothing else out there could compare to you.”

She pressed her face against his shoulder, and he could hear the pout in her voice as she whined. “You’re so lucky it’s your birthday.”

He chuckled, running a hand over her hair. “And why is that?”

“Because you can get away with saying sweet things like that!”

“I’m only telling you the truth. And the sweetest thing here is you, pumpkin.”

She grumbled wordlessly, glaring at him as she peeked up. He could see the wheels turning in her mind, and he considered what her retaliation might be.

Maybe she would say something equally as sweet that would make his face burn and his stomach dip like he was being thrown from a cliff.

Maybe she would kiss him until he felt a little breathless and then act like nothing had happened.

Or maybe she would step on his foot. Or pinch his waist. Or reach for the ticklish spot that her hand was awfully close to and-

He grabbed her hand before she could make her move, snorting as he held onto it tightly. “It’s my birthday, Rowan.”

“And?” She asked, her voice light and saccharine as she smiled at him just a little too sweetly. “I was going to make you smile.”

“You make me smile by being here beside me,” he murmured, his free hand wrapping around her back and slowly edging upwards.

She opened her mouth to respond, but then her eyes widened and she gasped, snorting as laughter bubbled from her mouth.

Gavin grinned in triumph as she wrenched away from him and he lost his hold on her most ticklish spot. “And I can’t help smiling when I hear your laughter.”

“That is not fair,” she groused, crossing her arms.

“But it’s my birthday,” he whined, trying to reach for her. “I thought I could have anything I wanted.”

She glared at him, stepping away. “Within reason.”

“I would say hearing your laugh and seeing your smile are more than reasonable.”

She scrunched her face up, lifting her shoulders up as her whole body tensed.

Gavin couldn’t help laughing at the sight, covering his mouth with one hand and reaching out to her with the other. “Come on, princess. Don’t be like that.”

She let her face relax, sighing as he took her hand and drew her through a display of stars. “I can’t say no to you.”

He ran his thumb over the back of her hand, her words making his heartbeat stutter and stumble, like a child still learning to walk. Did she know how much her words meant to him? Did she know that even the simplest, smallest things she said made him feel like he was filled with the light of a million stars?

He paused, tilting his head as he took in one of the displays. “Does that mean you won’t say no if I ask to take your picture?”

She turned to look at the display he had his eye on. A brilliant explosion of light, an artist’s rendition of a star exploding into life. The colour seemed to leap from the canvas, and Gavin could make out the texture of the paint from where he stood, making the fire and starlight seem so real he was sure that if he reached out to touch it that it would burn his hand.

He turned back to her, fixing the flower that he had tucked into her hair. “It just reminds me a little of you.”

Beautiful. Warm. Brilliant. His Rowan. His own star.

She tipped her head to the side, but she nodded, letting him take her picture next to the painting.

He was grinning as he tucked his phone away before taking her hand again. “Alright. Where to next?”

“Well I picked last time, so why don’t you choose next?”

Gavin hummed, wondering what to do next. And then he spotted a sign pointing to an exhibit all about space travel, and knew exactly where he wanted to go next.

There were spaceships in this next room. Replicas, of course, he knew it was unlikely they would have the remains of some of the most famous spaceships in history. But the replicas were astounding, lifesize models that reached towards the ceiling, seeming to vanish into the cluster of false stars that swathed the ceiling.

“Oh wow,” Rowan said, her head twisting from side-to-side as she took it all in. “These are huge.”

He nodded, drifting towards one of the closest spaceships, what would have been the ship for one of the first expeditions into space in history.

He couldn’t help imagining getting to be one of the crew members on one of those expeditions. Soaring out past the clouds, reaching towards the stars, unravelling the mysteries that still surrounded their own universe.

His heart ached a little. He didn’t regret what he did. He knew he’d made the right choice, working hard every day to keep his city safe. To keep everyone safe. To keep his Rowan safe.

But still, sometimes he couldn’t stop himself from dreaming a little. Dreaming about if he’d chosen a different path. If he’d chosen exploration and adventure instead.

He didn’t realize Rowan had moved so close, too wrapped up in his own thoughts as he gazed up at the hulking spacecraft. Didn’t notice as she snapped a photo of him, his mind swimming with all the possibilities of who he could have been.

What would his younger self have said, had he stood before a spaceship when he had been young?

That he wanted to be an astronaut, no doubt. That he wanted to touch the stars, wanted to bring one back to show his mom.

His eyes burned, although no tears came. She would tell him she was proud of him, and that if it made him happy he could be whatever he wanted. That she would be proud of him, that she would support him no matter what.

There were arms around his waist then, the steady warmth of Rowan’s body pressing against his back. She remained silent as she held him, but Gavin couldn’t help sinking into her embrace, letting himself be weak for just a moment as he closed his eyes, fighting against tears that turned exhibits around him murky.

His mother would have loved to take him here. Would have held his hand and pointed out all the cool things and told him how smart he was, how brave he was for dreaming of space.

He missed her. He missed her so much.

His hands fell to Rowan’s, still wrapped around his waist.

“I love you,” he murmured, his voice gravelly and rough.

“I love you too,” she breathed, her chin resting on his shoulder, her breath curling against his neck. He felt her lips brush against his skin, over where his pulse thrummed in its unending beat.

“Do you want to go?” She asked.

He shook his head. “No, I just need a moment.”

She kissed him again, tightening her grip around his waist. She didn’t need to say anything to show that she understood, that she knew what he was thinking of. That she would be here for him always, without question.

She anchored him, brought him back into the moment, back into the world around him. Reminded him that he was loved, that he was precious, that he had someone who was proud of him just for existing. Just for being him.

He let himself take a moment, let himself be enveloped in Rowan’s arms, in her warmth. She smelled like flowers, and cookies, and like the warm blankets they had snuggled into the night before. He felt himself relax, felt the tears begin to abate.

“Thank you,” he murmured, his voice still rough as sandpaper, the words feeling strange and foreign on his lips.

“I love you,” she murmured, pressing her face against his neck, her words turning muffled as she repeated herself against his skin. “I love you.”

He smiled, the heaviness that had washed over him beginning to disappear, like ocean waves drawn back by the tide.

He was certain his mother would have loved Rowan. Would have been so happy to know he was loved by someone like her. That he loved her with all his heart. That she was his entire world.

He turned around, Rowan’s arms loosening at his waist as he moved. He cupped her face with his hands, leaning his forehead against hers.

“Thank you,” he breathed, so quiet only she would hear.

He wished he could have stayed like that forever, wrapped up in his own little world, with Rowan’s arms around him. But the museum was beginning to grow louder as voices crescendoed through the building. More people were starting to arrive as the day grew longer and the sunlight turned to the bright, unrelenting gold of the afternoon.

He didn’t want to share this moment with anyone but Rowan. So, reluctantly, he slowly pulled away, smoothing her hair back and fixing the flower still tangled in her loose waves.

“Where to next?” He murmured, dropping his hand.

She peered over his shoulder, pointing back towards the spaceship. “It looks like you can go inside the different ships! Do you wanna try?”

He nodded, taking her hand. Needing to hold onto her. “Yeah, let’s take a look.”

The inside of the ship was fascinating. He knew it wasn’t a real, functional ship, and yet it felt so real he was sure that if he looked out one of the windows he would see the earth far below him, hanging like a blue pendant in an ocean of darkness. They walked along metal walkways, their steps echoing in the silent craft, taking in the interior of the ship.

There was a miniature gym, a recreation room, sleeping quarters that looked far from comfortable, and even a small kitchen.

Rowan wrinkled her nose as she surveyed the cramped sleeping quarters, the multiple twin sized-bunk beds stacked on top of eachother like blocks.

“That doesn’t look comfortable at all,” she mused, taking a step into the world. “You can reach out and smack the person in the bed next to you.”

Gavin chuckled, stepping into the little room after her. It did feel a little claustrophobic. Although it wasn’t that much different than some of the bunks he had slept in during military training.

“I think our room is much better,” he said, hooking his arm around her waist.

“You’re right, it’s so much cozier. And our bed is bigger. And the blankets are so soft.” She sighed, leaning against him as she closed her eyes.

“What are you thinking about?” He teased, poking her side.

“I’m thinking I want to take a nap,” she said, covering her mouth to stifle a yawn. “That would be awfully nice I think.”

He nodded, resting his chin on her shoulder. Curled up under a nice soft blanket with Rowan nestled safely in his arms. He would wear one of the soft, worn t-shirts she loved best. Or maybe he wouldn’t wear any shirt at all, so she could press herself as close as she could against him, squishing her cheek against his chest to listen to his heart. Maybe he would be able to coax her out of her dress too, the warmth of her body seeping into his, filling his veins with sunlight, spreading it throughout his entire body until it felt a little like he could glow.

He would pull the softest blankets they had over them both, cocooning them away from the harsh afternoon sunlight, the piercing scream of ringtones and alerts, the overwhelming cacophony of voices that filled most streets. Keeping them safe from anything that would dare try and intrude on their peace.

He kissed her cheek absently before they moved on to another one of the rooms in the ship. Perhaps he would try requesting a nice afternoon nap tomorrow. So that he could enjoy some time tangled in her arms, with nothing to do and nowhere to be.

He was smiling to himself when they reached the cockpit of the ship, a wide, rectangular room at the very front of the ship. Whoever had designed the exhibit and the replica ship had suspended the spaceship diagonally, so while they could walk on from the ground, by the time they reached the cockpit they were staring down from the ceiling of the exhibit, the glittering false stars casting wavering rainbows of light over the floor and the seats in the room.

“It’s like we’re really in space!” Rowan sang, rushing to the front of the room, gaping at the stars. “Oh they’re so pretty, Gavin. Like miniature suns.”

He wished he could reach out and pluck them from the ceiling, like apples from a tree. He would choose the biggest one, the one that glittered the most, that cast prisms of light through the air and made Rowan’s eyes sparkle. And then he would gently set it in her hands, and he would watch as the crystal star was set alight by the brilliance of her smile.

“I wish I could just reach out and take one,” she said, turning her head to look at him. “I’d take two! So we could have matching ones!”

He brushed a strand of her hair back behind her ear. “What would we do with them?”

She wrinkled her nose, frowning at the stars. “Maybe we could hang them in our room! Oh! Or I could hang one in my office and you could hang one in yours, and then when we look at them we’ll think about each other!”

For all his military training and all his daily workouts and exercises, Gavin felt himself turn a little weak. His knees wobbling like jelly, his heart overflowing like a too-full cup, his veins spilling over with fizzing light.

Did she know when he looked up at the stars he thought of her? Did she know that when he looked at the moon and thought of all the bright, twirling moons that surrounded the planets, he was thinking of her? His Rowan, his star, his moon.

He was worried his voice would crack if he said anything, like glass shattering across the floor, so instead he leaned his head against hers, breathing in the sweet, warm smell of his favourite person.

“Are you okay?” She asked, looping her arm around his waist.

“I’ve never been better,” he murmured, nuzzling his face against the side of her head. “I’m just thinking.”

“Good things, I hope.”

“It’s always good things when I’m with you, pumpkin.”

He could picture the colour of the blush surely creeping across her face now. The soft, sweet pink of the peonies they had planted in their backyard. Although she was so much sweeter, and so much prettier than a simple flower.

“You’re such a dork,” she muttered, her voice cracking. “You say such sweet things.”

“They’re nothing I don’t mean.”

She sighed, heavy her shoulders and up down as dramatically as possible. “Alright, well that just means I get to take my revenge on you.”

He pulled back, arching a brow curiously. “Revenge?”

She dipped her chin in a curt nod as she surveyed the room quickly. “Yes, my revenge. I am going to do something so sweet you’re not going to even know what to say.”

He snorted, letting her take his hand and guide him to one of the chairs bolted down in the mock cockpit. “And what’s that?”

“I will not be revealing my secrets any time soon.”

He pouted. Or at least he tried. He’d hardly stuck out his bottom lip before she’d leaned forward, her hand on his shoulder, and pressed her lips to his.

“No pouting! No pouting on birthdays,” she sang as she pulled away, her cheeks flushed. “It’s absolutely not allowed!”

He poked his bottom lip out again, doing his best to look as despondent as he could. He even drew his shoulders together, peeking up at her from beneath his lashes. “How will you fix it?”

Rowan laughed, leaning back down to kiss him again. Gavin dropped his act immediately, threading his fingers through her hair, his other hand wrapping around her waist and drawing her into his lap.

“This definitely fixes it,” he murmured, dipping his head to press kisses to her throat. “This makes things better.”

She whined softly, her chest heaving as she struggled to keep her breathing even. “Gavin, we’re in public right now.”

“No one’s here,” he breathed, kissing the spot above where her pulse thrummed.

“There’s probably cameras.”

He groaned, dropping his head to brush his lips against her shoulder, to gently sink his teeth into the soft, delicate skin.

Rowan gasped, her fingers digging into his own shoulders for a moment before he pulled away.

“Alright,” he said, leaning back, ignoring the way he could feel himself straining against his pants. “What were you going to do for your revenge?”

She blinked, looking completely lost for a moment. And then slowly light blazed in her eyes and she crawled from his lap, fixing him with a furious glare as she took several steps away from him.

“You’re an animal.”

He tipped his head to the side. “What kind of animal do you think?”

She grumbled something under her breath, pulling her phone out.

“What was that?” He asked, arching a brow.

Rowan huffed, pretending not to hear him.

“Come on, princess, won’t you tell me?”

She chewed on her bottom lip for a moment, staring at him for a long, long moment. Then she sighed, her shoulders sagging. “I said you remind me of a wolf sometimes.”

“Oh?”

She jabbed a finger at him. “Don’t even try to think of anything.”

“I mean wolves are pretty territorial and-”

“No thinking!”

He would be lying if he said he was thinking about anything other than the pink of her cheeks and how her lips were just the tiniest bit swollen and how he could make out the red around the bite on her shoulder.

“What are you doing?” He asked, straightening as she lifted her phone.

“I’m taking a picture, babey. I said I wanted to take pictures of you!”

He lifted his brow higher, but let her direct him to sit and stand in different poses around the cockpit. He couldn’t help grinning as she fixed his jacket or pointed at different chairs or told him to stare out at the crystal stars. He didn’t really know what she was planning, but from the starlight in her eyes it was clear it was making her happy, which meant it made him so very happy, too.

Finally satisfied, Rowan gave one huge nod and shoved her phone back into her purse. “Okay! I am all done.”

Gavin took her hand, pressing a kiss to her palm before twining their fingers together. “Did you have fun?”

“I always have fun with you.”

They walked from the false spaceship hand-in-hand, Gavin drawing Rowan closer against him as they passed by a large group of people trying to pile inside the exhibit.

“Looks like we checked that out at the perfect time,” he said, heading towards an exhibit that seemed to be focused on planets in their solar system. “We got our own private tour.”

“And I got some very handsome photos of you!”

Gavin’s face burned. “Will you show them to me?”

“Eventually.”

He couldn’t help laughing. Couldn’t stop himself from laughing; a huge, goofy grin tugging at his lips. It was such a simple, mundane thing, wandering around a museum with Rowan, pointing out different things, reading little placards and walls of info. Discussing some of the strange science facts that neither of them could wrap their heads around. Taking pictures while the other was turned around.

Or perhaps better yet taking what felt like a million poses as the other one instructed them on how to stand. Rowan running her fingers through Gavin’s hair, stating it wasn’t properly tousled as he stood before a spinning replica of Jupiter with its countless moons twirling around it like specks of confetti. Gavin smoothing out the wrinkles in her dress as he snapped as many pictures as he could of her in front of a glittering interactive display of stars, their light catching in her eyes and making her glow.

It was so mundane and simple. The switching between taking photographs, pointing to different exhibits, dragging the other towards something that had caught their eye. And yet it felt so special to him, so incredibly important he couldn’t put it into words. Just a feeling that bloomed in his chest like the first springtime blooms. That washed over him like a slow creeping tide, sun-warmed and gentle and all-consuming.

He couldn’t count the number of times they’d done something similar. Museums and zoos and aquariums. Tours through snowy outdoor light shows that glittered beneath frozen stars. Trailing aimlessly through the burning oranges and fiery reds of autumnal corn mazes, gasping at statues and animatronics hidden in corners to scare any visitors.

They were all special. Everything was so special with her. Every moment like it’s very own unique gem.

No, he was certain each moment was more precious than diamonds and rubies and sapphires. Maybe it was more like stars. Fiery, powerful celestial forces that filled their sky with light despite how far away they were. Offering light and guidance even beneath the heavy cloak of night. Little pinpricks of hope scattered through the sky like glitter. Pieces of light that held wishes and promises within their pale, glimmering light.

That was what each moment was with his Rowan. It was light, and it was hope, and it was the promise of happiness today and more happiness tomorrow, all bottled up in her eyes and her smile and her arms.

Gavin slipped his arms around Rowan’s waist, pressing his face against the back of her head as they stood before a relatively boring display case showing pieces of moon rock that had been plucked from the moon and sent back down to Earth.

It was utterly amazing, he couldn’t deny that. But it was also pieces of grey rock, and it was bland and forgettable when his Rowan was right here. When she was standing right here and it was so easy for him to draw her into his arms.

She rested her hands over his, stroking his wrist with her thumb. “Do you wanna get something to eat? There’s a cute little cafeteria with snacks and then we can check out the science fiction exhibit and the planetarium rooms.”

He nodded, but his arms tightened around her, his words muffled as they tangled in her hair. “In a minute.”

They stood there for a few moments, a comfortable silence washing over them as strangers filtered out from the room, on the hunt for more exciting things to look at. The room grew quiet, the sound of footsteps and murmuring voices melting away until all Gavin could hear was the quiet rush of the air conditioning and the sound of Rowan’s breaths.

He held her tight for another long, long moment before finally letting go. He struggled with words most days, but knowing that she understood, that she could feel the emotions behind the actions he could do in lieu of sweet words warmed his heart, offered him a sort of solace he hadn’t known he’d needed until he met her.

She squeezed his hand as he made to pull away, twisting in his arms so she could meet his gaze, so she could reach up and cup his cheek with her free hand.

“I love you,” she said, standing on her toes to kiss his brow. “With all my heart.”

He covered her hand with his, feeling more at peace than he ever had in his life. Feeling more happiness than he knew what to do with.

“Come on,” she said, taking both his hands and guiding him from the room, following the signs pointing towards the cafeteria. “Let’s see if they have any food in the shape of a spaceship.”

***

In perhaps the most disappointing of events, there wasn’t a single food item in the shape of a spaceship. A fact Rowan lamented bitterly as she and Gavin searched for a quiet spot to sit and eat their lunch.

“The water bottles have space ships on them,” Gavin offered, pinching her side as she briefly pouted down at the array of treats on her tray.

“It’s not the same,” she groused. “It’s a space museum you’d think they’d make something spaceship shaped.”

“The pancakes are shaped like moons,” he offered, gesturing to the stack of strawberry and chocolate chip pancakes on one corner of her tray.

“They’re round. That’s a normal pancake shape.”

“Moons are also round! And planets.”

She quirked a brow as she reached over to try and pinch him right back. “I don’t think that counts.”

Gavin batted her hand away with ease, jabbing her in the side in retaliation. Her body convulsed as he prodded at one of her ticklish spots, and she had to bite down on the inside of her cheek to stop a shriek of laughter from spilling from her lips.

“I think it does,” he murmured, a crescent moon grin arcing across his lips.

“Well how can I argue with the birthday boy,” she teased, scooting away as he arched a brow. “Whatever you say.”

He chuckled, reaching out to wrap his arm around her waist before she’d moved too far away, trying to draw her back to his side. “You’re too far away.”

“You pinched me!”

“You tried to pinch me.”

She didn’t put up a fight as he tugged her closer, her thigh bumping against his. “I only did that because you had already pinched me once.”

“You were pouting. I wanted to make you smile.”

Rowan glared at him, scrunching up her entire face even as he snorted.

“But I love your smile.”

His voice was so gentle she couldn’t hold onto her false scowl. His words were so soft, barely more than a whisper of a breath against her cheek as he leaned closer, cupping her face. They were laced with a quiet need, a want that stained his voice like the first blush of dawn in the grey of the early morning sky.

So of course she smiled, her heart warm, her body feeling a little like jelly. A little like it was melting beneath the amber of his gaze.

Colour bloomed in his cheeks, washed over his ears, reminding her of the beautiful snapdragons Gavin had given her on their last anniversary. His smile was as warm as the summer sun, his entire face softening as he looked at her.

She couldn’t help reaching up in kind, cupping his face in her palms, stroking her thumbs over his cheeks. He had shaved the day before, and yet already she could feel the scratch of stubble against the pads of her thumbs. Was he really real? Was he really here in front of her, sitting next to her, holding her like she was precious? Was he really looking at her like she was the most important thing in his world? Was he really hers?

Sometimes Rowan had trouble believing it. She hated going to sleep more than anything, terrified she would wake up and every beautiful moment would be a dream. Every precious second with him, every shared memory, would vanish like mist beneath the morning sun.

But then she would wake up and there he would be, curled up against her or holding her close as he waited for her to open her eyes. There he would be, warm and strong and utterly, completely real. And then she would feel happiness so strong it would make her eyes burn and her throat constrict and she would snuggle against him, squeezing her eyes shut against the threat of those tears.

“What are you thinking?” He murmured, drawing her back to the present, to this moment with him beside her and his face still held between her hands. He covered her hands with his, the rough callouses on his palms scraping against her skin. “Are you okay?”

She chewed on the corner of her lip, nodding furiously as she struggled to stifle the tears burning her eyes.

“Are you sure?”

She nodded again, gently pulling his face closer so she could kiss his brow. “I’m just so happy you’re here. I’m so happy you were born.”

She didn’t see his expression, not as she dropped her hands and pressed her face against his shoulder. “I love you, Gavin.”

Rowan felt herself enveloped in his arms, felt him gently pull her against his chest, tucking her beneath his chin. “I love you, too. More than anything.”

“Really?” Her voice was little more than a squeak, but she couldn’t find a reason to care. She wanted to hold him so close, wanted him to know how truly happy she was that he was real, that he was alive. That he had been born and she could hold him and love him and listen to the warm laughter that reverberated through him.

“Really. I would never lie to you, my princess.”

She wrapped her arms around his waist, holding him as tight as she could, her chest aching. She remembered wondering if she would ever feel a shred of happiness again, if her heart would ever feel warm, if she would ever feel safe. And now her heart was so filled with sunkissed joy and candy coloured delight and so much love it felt like she might shatter into stardust and iridescent light.

Gavin hummed, stroking her hair gently. “Although looking at some of the exhibits here has got me thinking.”

Rowan peeled away from her hiding place against his chest, curiosity getting the better of her. “Thinking about what?”

He brushed her hair back from her face. “I was thinking about how if I’m Jupiter, then you must be my moon.”

“Jupiter has almost a hundred moons,” she pointed out, even as heat began to crawl across her body.

He furrowed his brow for a moment, considering her words. But then he just took one of her hands and brought her palm up to his mouth, so close she felt his lips against her skin as spoke. “Then you’re all the moons, every moon. Although…” He trailed off, pressing a kiss to her hand. “I don’t think a single one of them can compare to you.”

“I dunno, did you read some of the information about the moons?” She teased, her voice wavering as he kissed her palm again. “They’re pretty important. We only have one and it’s so important. And where would we be without Sailor Moon? She’s definitely saved the world.”

Gavin’s brows shot up, his eyes squeezing shut as he burst into bright, warm laughter. It sounded like sunshine, like the wind rushing through leaves, like the way happiness felt when she woke up to a gentle kiss every morning.

He snorted, covering his face as he continued to laugh, his hair tickling her face as his forehead knocked against hers.

Rowan couldn’t help grinning, his laughter infectious. “It wasn’t that funny.”

He shook his head, his nose bumping against hers as he held her face between his palms. “You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Her heart was soaring on gilded wings, lifted high by the warm July winds. She was melting, turning into a Rowan shaped puddle. The only reason she hadn’t completely fallen apart yet was because Gavin was holding her tight, keeping her upright even as her body wanted to turn to jelly.

“Was that really the funniest joke you’ve heard?” She asked, her voice so quiet it turned to smoke even as she tried to tease him. She didn’t have the heart to tease him that much right now, not when she still felt a little giddy and silly from his sweet words.

Gavin was always sweet, always kind, always ready to murmur a sweet nothing into her ear at the perfect moment. But it was always when she was least expecting it, and it always threw her off, sent her reeling as her heart turned to a flurry of gossamer winged butterflies.

His laughter slowly petered off, and he breathed softly for a moment, sighing as he leaned his weight against her. “I love you.”

“And I love you,” she said, still feeling a little breathless from the delight in his laughter and his sweet words.

He pressed a kiss to her cheek before pulling away, smoothing back her hair. “We should eat, there’s still lots to see. And I’m starting to get very curious about my surprise.”

Rowan blinked, having almost completely forgotten about everything else that was happening, about all her plans that day. She looked around, realizing they were sitting in a rather cozy corner of the museum’s cafeteria, a low hum of voices floating towards them as other guests slowly filtered in to search for something to eat.

She frowned down at the food on her tray, still very much not spaceship shaped.

“Pumpkin, you need to eat. You haven’t eaten since before we left this morning,” Gavin chastised, pointing to her food.

She glared at him from the corner of her eye. “The shapes are boring.”

He didn’t bother responding before he grabbed her fork and knife and started cutting up the food on her plate. “Rowan if you don’t eat I’ll make sure you do.”

He held the fork out to her, a piece of fruit speared onto the tines. She knew he was giving her the option between feeding herself and being fed, and for a moment she considered being an absolute brat and refusing to take the fork from him. But that was something she would do in the comfort of their own home, not here, no matter how private their little corner felt. So she took the fork from his hands, earning a small smile as she took a bite.

Gavin squeezed her thigh, sounding pleased as he murmured a quiet “good girl.”

She almost smacked him, her entire body burning up as if she had been caught in a wildfire. She would have smacked him, if she were being honest, except that he grabbed her hand before she could even reel it back, smirking as a knowing light flickered in his eyes.

He brushed his lips against the pads of her fingers, his breath tickling against her skin as he spoke. “What are you thinking of?”

“Nothing,” she groused, glaring down at her food.

Snorting, Gavin released her hand. 

“What do you want to go see next?” He asked, poking at his own food now.

Rowan fished the museum map out of her bag, smoothing out the wrinkles as she examined the exhibits splashed across the indigo coloured map like splatterings of paint. But before she could find the next exhibit she wanted to go to, her phone began to buzz.

Once. Twice. Three times. The signal her and her “teammates” for the day had agreed on.

Gavin arched a brow, curiosity seeping into his mind as he set down his fork. “Is everything okay?”

Rowan nodded, passing him the map. “Yeah, everything is great! Although I think I need to run to the bathroom really quick.”

“Are you sure?” He asked, unable to keep his suspicion from threading between his words. “You haven’t had a message all day, and now-”

Her phone buzzed three times again and she stood, shaking her head. “It’s nothing. It’s just a little reminder I set for myself.”

He narrowed his eyes. Rowan wasn’t exactly the best liar, and he had already committed all of her tells to memory. There was the way she breathed a little deeper, her chest rising and falling a little slower. Her eyes stayed locked on his face, but when she was talking her eyes normally would roam all over a room, pausing on his face only briefly before flicking elsewhere and back again. And she was much stiller than normal. Usually she was twisting a bit of fabric around her fingers, or she was pulling at the straps of her top, or tucking and untucking her hair, or bouncing her foot from side-to-side, or reaching out to play with his fingers.

It was like she was holding herself very carefully, like she was making sure she was in complete control of every motion and breath she made. Like she was telling herself to be “normal” and to not act “weird.” Even though this attempt at control was what gave away her lies in the first place.

“What aren’t you telling me?” He asked, leaning forward to take her hand, stopping her escape.

He didn’t think something was wrong, not exactly, but he couldn’t stop the persistent, niggling feeling that something was off.

His mind started to race as it brewed up a million different scenarios for why she was suddenly acting strange. She was worried she was pregnant, she was sick with something she hadn’t told him about yet, she was being blackmailed to do something terrible, she was part of some secret organization that would put her in serious danger…

His mind churned for what felt like an eternity, constructing scenarios that went from potentially plausible to downright ludicrous. He had to forcibly reel his thoughts back in, reminding himself that most of those were all fantastical situations that were more at home in a fictional story than in real life.

But still he couldn’t banish the feeling that something was going on, and that she was keeping secrets from him.

Gavin opened his mouth, the beginning of his interrogation on the tip of his tongue. But Rowan leaned down, the ends of her hair tickling his face as she kissed the top of his head.

“Rowan-”

He didn’t get much further than that, his thoughts melting away like fog beneath piercing, golden sunbeams of a summer afternoon. Rowan pressed light, chaste kisses to his brow and cheeks and the tips of his ears and just behind them. Her hands lay delicately on his shoulders, little more than the pads of her fingers pressing against the fabric of his shirt.

He was certain she was teasing him, with her featherlight kisses and her whisper of a touch. He wanted to thread his fingers through her hair and wrap an arm around her waist and hold her close to him. He wanted to pull her into his lap, he wanted her to wrap her arms around his neck.

But instead all she gave him was the ghost of an embrace, a phantom of a touch. He felt haunted, lost in a shadowed maze, chasing after the spectre of light that had bloomed in her wake.

He leaned forward, wanting to kiss her back, wanting to be close to her for a moment longer, but Rowan was stepping back, beaming at him with mischief in her eyes.

“I’ll be right back, babey,” she said, her voice lilting like the opening of a love song. “Don’t miss me too much.”

And then she was gone, and his heart was aching because he did miss her already. The cafeteria felt very large and for one of the very few times in his life he felt incredibly small, poking at his food as he waited for her to return.

He could feel something scratching in the back of his head, a little like when Stella, their dog, pawed at the back of his head first thing in the morning when she wanted to go out.

But this was different, if only because Stella wasn’t actually pawing at the back of his head. It was more like there was a tiny Stella in his brain, scratching at the back of it, trying to get him to remember something he could not figure out.

He continued to poke at his food, chewing slowly as he swept his gaze across the room, searching through the growing swarm of people for his most beloved person, wondering what she would want to do once they were done eating. Maybe they could check out the science fiction exhibit next. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t particularly excited about that one. Rowan had shown him some photos that had been posted on the museum’s website, and there were interactive displays and video footage and so many cool things he wanted to check out.

He wanted to look down at a diorama of Arrakis and read all the placards explaining important scenes and moments from the books. He wanted to step through a life-sized Stargate and step into the interactive hologram exhibit beyond it. He wanted to sit in the cockpit of the accurate-to-film Millennium Falcon and listen to the audio guide explain the real science that went into its design.

But mostly he wanted to hold Rowan’s hand and imagine living in a fantastical world with her. Any universe with her in it was magical, but he sometimes liked daydreaming about flying through space with her, or travelling through time holding her hand.

He knew it was childish, but it made his heart feel warm. There was a certainty to his fantasies; the knowledge that she would want to be a part of them, that if they were in any universe she would want to be with him. And that she would not mock him for his musings, that she would hold his hand and brush his hair back from his brow and listen with her eyes wide and bright. That she wouldn’t say they were childish or silly, that she would cherish them as much as she cherished him.

Gavin was so lost in thought that he almost didn’t notice Rowan returning. She settled her hands on his shoulders, reeling him back from the hazy world of his mind and into the sharp intensity of the real world. She pressed the pads of her thumbs against the base of his neck, massaging gently as she leaned down, resting her forehead against the side of his head.

“I missed you,” she breathed, her lips hovering just behind his ear. She sighed softly, her breath tickling his skin, and he could feel the gooseflesh rising on his arms.

He wanted to draw her into his lap and press his lips to hers and kiss her breathless. It was his birthday after all, he should have a free pass to do whatever he wanted.

But he would have to wait until they returned to their cabin for the evening before he could do all the things he wanted so desperately.

For now he would settle for tilting his head back so he could catch her lips in a gentle kiss. “I missed you so much.”

Rowan beamed as she pulled away, her hair falling over her cheeks in soft curls. Her face was flushed, the soft pink of a newly blooming peony.

He should buy her some flowers. He should buy her a bouquet of sweet peonies and tulips and daisies. All in the different shades of pink that stained her face when he pressed his lips to hers.

Rowan peeled away from his embrace, sliding back into her seat only to glare down at her food. “I see it didn’t change shapes while I was in the bathroom.”

Gavin snorted, spearing a forkful of food and raising it to her mouth. “At least eat it for me. It is my birthday after all.”

Rowan rolled her eyes, but acquiesced, a small smirking dancing at the corners of her mouth. “You’re lucky it’s your birthday.”

***

Once they were done eating, Rowan let Gavin take her hand and guide them through the museum to the Science Fiction exhibit.

It was one of the last exhibits aside from the holographic planetarium rooms, and their reservation time wasn’t for a while yet. So they headed to the Science Fiction section next, passing through a doorway that made it seem like they were about to enter the bridge of the starship enterprise.

There was a light in Gavin’s eyes as they stepped into the first section, like twin stars had exploded into existence. Like there were galaxies within his eyes, millions upon millions of stars and suns glittering as he looked around the room.

Rowan wrapped her arms around his, pressing herself against his side, her heart aching. She wanted to be close, wanted to be as close to him as she possibly could, warmth radiating from him. He looked so open, so happy, a childlike joy so pure and sweet in his expression that she wanted to squish his cheeks and kiss him until he laughed.

He was happy, she was so very glad that he was happy.

Her eyes burned and she looked away, forcing herself to focus on what a robot was saying as it explained the different ways robots and androids appeared in sci-fi media. But her brain couldn’t focus, could only think about Gavin. Gavin’s eyes, Gavin’s smile, Gavin’s heart beating and spreading all his joy throughout his being.

“Pumpkin, what’s wrong?”

She blinked furiously trying to compose herself as she tipped her head up to meet his gaze. A line had formed between his brows, concern swimming within the golden depths of his eyes.

“I’m alright,” she murmured, rubbing his arm in what she hoped was a pacifying gesture.

He hummed, his lips pressing into a thin line, clearly not buying it, but after a moment his expression softened, and he pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “Why don’t we go take a look at some of the Star Wars stuff.”

She beamed up at him. “Lead the way.”

Gavin kissed her head once more, sending warmth and gossamer-winged butterflies streaming through her from the place his lips brushed against her skin.

The sci-fi exhibit ended up being easily the largest exhibit in the museum, with massive installations and interactive holograms and in some sections robot guides.

She was utterly in awe as they wandered through replicas of different ships featured in the Star Wars films, listening to audio overhead explain the different mechanics that would have made the ships function, and how fiction melded with science to inspire these creations. It was so realistic, like they were truly in the middle of an intergalactic space chase, like they were on their way to a fierce space battle and all they had was a rusty laser canon attached to the ship.

“I feel like im in the middle of a movie,” she murmured, squeezing Gavin’s hand as they walked around a group of ewoks brandishing spears. “Like if I look up I’ll see starfighters flying overhead.”

Gavin chuckled, lifting her hand up to press a kiss to her knuckles. “I would keep you safe. You wouldn’t have to worry about being hurt.”

She quirked her brow as they made their way towards one of the next parts of the exhibit. “Oh? Do you think you’d be a jedi?”

Gavin hummed, even as they stepped down a small ramp that led into a faux-desert that had been constructed within the building. “I think even if I was, I would leave the order.”

She frowned, ducking her head as they headed into a ‘cave,’ eerie music playing softly from speakers she couldn’t see. “Why?”

He cupped her face with one hand, stroking her cheek. “Because I would want to marry you. I could never give you up.”

Her face burned, and she tried to look away, but Gavin held her fast, his voice lilting with restrained laughter. “I’d leave the jedi in a heartbeat for you.”

She blinked, her words drying up on her tongue.

His words themselves weren’t particularly romantic, but it was the way Gavin said it, the way his voice dipped as his eyes fell to her lips, as his mouth curved up like a crescent moon, the only source of light in a starless night. It was the way he leaned closer, his breath tangling with hers. How she could feel his lips brushing against her skin as he spoke.

She swallowed, her mouth dry as a desert, her gaze falling to his mouth, to the smirk playing on his lips. He was far too confident, and far too pleased with himself. He’d been teasing her all day and he hadn’t let up for a second.

She tried to scowl, although there was no true intensity behind it, and Gavin just ended up snorting with laughter, his smirk becoming a bright smile.

“You know I remember when you used to be too shy to hold my hand,” she grumbled, crossing her arms over her chest and glaring at the ceiling.

Gavin tsked, leaning down to flick her nose, startling the scowl from her face. “But you like when I hold your hand.”

“I-”

He took her chin between his thumb and forefinger, tilting her head up towards him. He was grinning, a stupid little self satisfied smirk that made her heart stumble and her face burn, like a match had been struck beneath her skin. She couldn’t find her words, they were lost and stumbling in an endless wood and she couldn’t seem to catch them. And all his grin did was grow wider as she stared at him wordlessly.

He leaned closer, mischief sparking in his eyes. “And you like when I tell you I love you.”

She didn’t know if she could move even if she wanted to, and she was so mesmerized by the dark lashes framing his golden eyes and the warmth of his skin so close to her and the way he began to stroke her jaw with his thumb.

She didn’t want to move, she just wanted to melt into his arms and be held very close and listen to the sound of his heart beating.

She forgot, too, that she should have been moderately annoyed at him for teasing her yet again. But all thoughts had vanished from her mind the moment he’d stepped a little closer, her world contracting until it was only him, all him. Perhaps she didn’t mind, so long as he would continue to look at her like she was the moon and stars. Like she was his everything.

He brushed the most painfully chaste kiss against the corner of her lips, his lashes fluttering against her skin as he closed his eyes. Rowan could feel the beat of her pulse beneath her skin, could hear the rush of blood in her ears. Perhaps she was already melting, perhaps she would need to be carried from the museum in Gavin’s arms.

But of course he pulled away all too soon, his grin nothing short of smug as she blinked up at him, as she shivered in the absence of his warmth.

It occurred to her then, as her senses slowly returned, that they were absolutely being one of those annoying couples people complained about in public. The couple that stood in line for roller coasters cuddling even when it was over 30 degrees, with their hands locked together so tightly you were convinced they were fused together. The couple that was almost certainly found in the corner of the library making out when it was supposed to be a prime study spot.

But it was also Gavin’s birthday, and he wasn’t one to care much about other people’s opinions anyways. And she wasn’t about to stop him when he was pressing kisses to her face.

Gavin took her hand again, drawing her deeper into the ‘cave,’ lights flashing as holographic info boards bloomed into view, explaining the science that went into the writing and creation of the planet Arrakis. The caves, the spice, how the journey would affect the protagonist.

Rowan would be lying if she said most of it didn’t go in one ear and out the other, like water spilling through open hands. She’d watched many a sci-fi film with Gavin, loving the brightness of his eyes and how excited he always got when he watched a trailer for a new movie, even if he did his best to act calm. And she loved watching them with him, loved sitting curled up beside him or sharing a bag of popcorn with him in a darkened theatre.

But she would be lying if she said she understood a word of what the exhibit was saying, or if she even understood half of what happened in Dune. She just knew Gavin enjoyed it, so she did too.

The desert planet exhibit slowly morphed as they continued walking, the walls of the false cave they walked in turning blue and translucent, the decorative stalactites hanging from the ceiling becoming white, seeming to drip icy water onto their heads as they passed. Fog began billowing around their ankles, and Rowan shivered, pressing closer to Gavin.

“They really went all out trying to make this realistic,” she murmured, her gaze tracing over the ‘icy’ stalactites. Gooseflesh raced across her body and she wiggled closer, trying to leach Gavin’s warmth.

He chuckled, slinging his arm around her shoulder and drawing her against his chest. He rubbed his hand up and down her arm, resting his cheek against the top of her head as they walked. It felt like they were experiencing an information overload, little passages branching off from the main ‘cave’ that changed depending on what show or movie they were inspired by.

They walked through the passage inspired by Hoth from Star Wars first, and Rowan nearly leapt out of her skin when they turned a corner and found themselves face-to-face with the monster that had attacked Luke in the first movie.

It must have been an animatronic because it shuffled towards them, lifting it’s big hairy arms and screeching as it came near them.

Gavin knew it was fake and wouldn’t hurt them, and yet he couldn’t help tightening his arms around Rowan as she stared up at the animatronic beast with wide eyes. It was frighteningly realistic.

Or rather, as realistic as something could be that was based on a movie from the eighties.

He rubbed Rowan’s arm as he gently propelled them both around the screaming animatronic and into the next part of the exhibit.

“Scared?” He asked, unable to keep the laughter out of his voice. He was definitely starting to push his luck with Rowan, but he couldn’t help teasing her just a little more. He loved the shade of pink that stained her cheeks, loved the way she screwed her face up into a little pout.

And it was his birthday, so he was sure it was allowed.

Rowan turned her face away from him, huffing quietly, and he craned his neck to see the way her bottom lip stuck up and her nose crinkled as she did indeed pout.

He was going to kiss her so much when they got back to their cabin. He was going to kiss every little part of her, he was going to sink his teeth into that bottom lip and hold her hips against him so she knew just how much he enjoyed it.

“It’s just an animatronic,” she grumbled, her nostrils flaring. But barely a second passed before she let out a shrill screech, as another beast emerged from a shadowed alcove that they hadn’t seen.

Gavin couldn’t hold in his laughter as she leapt in his arms. Her entire body was shivering, her fingers practically claws against his forearm.

He kissed the top of her head, holding her tighter, silently thanking whoever had designed this exhibit.

“I’ll keep you safe,” he breathed, and this time she did not have a retort, letting him guide them through the cavern and back out into the light.

They wandered through the rest of the exhibit, stepping through a replica Stargate, a hologram whirring, speakers singing as they stepped into the space beyond it. They took turns sitting in the cockpits of different fictional ships, Rowan striking such goofy poses Gavin had no choice but to fill his camera roll with photos of her brilliant, beaming face.

The fictional weapons and droids section was the last part of the sci-fi exhibit, the entrance to the final room surrounded by flashing lights and the buzz of clashing lightsabers.

Visuals of famous fictional sharpshooters like Han Solo covered the first wall they came across, their preferred blasters suspended in the air before them, flashing lights simulating blaster fire drawing the eye.

Rowan blinked as she stared up at one of the murals, the pallid blue lights shooting bursts of starlight flashing across her vision. Even as Gavin guided her away, one hand on her lower back, still she could see the flurry of stars in her periphery, practically blinding her as she stumbled through the exhibit.

There were lightsabers and futuristic swords next, with little info cards that glowed the same colour as the sabers they hovered beside. Rowan leaned forward, humming as she read one of the placards on a saber with a black blade that looked more like a sword than anything else she’d seen in the movies.

“Babey,” she said, pulling on his hand and pointing to the display in front of her. “What’s this one? Is this from Star Wars?”

He propped his chin on her shoulder, his hair tickling her ear. “It is. I think it’s just in the cartoons, though.” He pressed his cheek against hers, the low rumble of his hum vibrating through her, warming her heart, making her legs feel a little like jelly. “Although I think I’ve seen it in one of the live action shows.”

“Do you think we could watch some of those shows when we get home?” She asked, leaning her head against his in kind. She could feel the way his brows lifted high, his mouth quirking to the side.

“You want to watch them with me?”

“Of course I do,” she murmured, slipping her arm around his waist. “I want to share the things that you love.”

She didn’t have to look at him to know he was blushing, she could feel the warmth creeping into his cheeks, could feel the quickening of the beat of his heart. She even felt the whisper of his lashes against her face as he struggled to calm himself, quietly reeling from her words.

Maybe he hadn’t changed that much, maybe he was still the same man who had once bashfully rubbed at the back of his neck and muttered a quiet retort when she’d told him she liked the cologne he was wearing. Maybe he was still the sweet, shy man whose face had turned the red of a sky blanketing a wildfire when she’d kissed his cheek.

“I love sharing with you,” he finally responded, tilting his head to the side to brush his lips against the corner of her mouth.

Now it was Rowan’s turn to burn up, and she squeezed her eyes shut so she didn’t have to see the smug look that was most definitely glowing in his eyes.

She just wanted to make him happy, wanted to see the bright, innocent joy that bloomed in his face like midnight stars. It was light and warmth, and it was precious, beloved.

He was precious, beloved. 

And there was nothing she loved more than watching the light swell in his eyes, watching as his expression grew brighter, as some invisible slipped from his shoulders little by little each day.

They wandered through the rest of the exhibit, murmuring to each other as they pointed out different weapons and robots. Rowan mused about whether either of them could wield the swords and lasers and guns that were propped up in the room around them and that dangled ominously from the ceiling on wires she could not see. She stepped up next to one of the interactive displays to wrap her hands around the handle of a particularly massive space gun, pulling the trigger so the barrel lit up in emerald and ultramarine.

“I wish they had weapons from some magical girl shows,” she lamented, stepping away as a swarm of children raced around her feet, shouting about how they wanted to try out the gun.

“There’s lots in space, you know,” she continued, taking Gavin’s hand as they continued on. “There’s Sailor Moon, and there’s She-Ra, and there’s-”

“You mean like that?” He asked, pointing to an array of sparkling, life-sized versions of the different scepters and wands and pens and swords and literal actual guns that had appeared in some of the magical cartoons she loved.

Rowan squealed, dragging a laughing Gavin behind her so she could peruse the different wands, picking up an interactive one that sang and sparkled as it moved.

“Look at it!” She sang, getting to enjoy some childlike joy of her own as she waved it around. “It’s just like in the shows! I wonder if it can…” She trailed off, fiddling with the handle, only for light to pulse from the wand and the little alcove the wand was displayed in began to glow and sparkle, pink and red and purple and yellow and blue all bleeding together into a cacophony of light.

She didn’t notice Gavin taking her photo, or the delighted smile that was dancing on his lips. She was too focused on the wand, on the staff next to it that exploded into light when lifted it, and then on the spinning tiaras next, and the demo one she could pick up and fling around and around.

He could feel fatigue beginning to creep into the edges of his mind, an added weight like some of his bones had been encased in lead. But he couldn’t bring himself to speak up, to let her know he was becoming tired.

His heart felt so warm, his chest like there were stars being born there, galaxies and galaxies of them, bright and warm and life-sustaining. The day had been about him, he knew, about indulging in some of the childishness he was finally allowed to experience. But seeing his Rowan wander around the exhibit with the colourful, sparkly magical weapons made him all the happier. Now he got to see her bright smiles, got to see the shining wonder in her eyes that he had been carrying in his heart for most of the day.

He didn’t care that she dragged him from the exhibit and into a tiny one they hadn’t noticed at first, the walls painted in different shades of pink with sparkles and sunshine yellow whorls decorating the walls.

Rowan yanked him around the room, the magical girl exhibit quiet, the other guests no doubt preoccupied with the spaceships and stargates and screaming blasters and droids. There were more magical weapons, and sculptures and replicas of spaceships and outfits from the different shows. A shimmering info board was suspended from the ceiling, lights flashing around them like trails of glitter guiding them through the information about the shows, the costumes, the characters.

He captured a few more photos of Rowan as she ran around, squealing and waving her hands in front of every case, leaning her whole body into every diorama like she was trying to become a part of the action. Gavin would keep these photos forever, cherishing that smile, that pure, unfettered joy.

She was spun sugar and sweet teas and pink frosting. She was candied flowers and strawberry ice cream and syrupy honey. His teeth ached from her smile, her laugh. She was a confectionary of warmth and sweetness and everything he loved.

Gavin resisted the urge to wrap his arms around her and bury his face in her hair. He didn’t want to break the enchantment that glittered in her wake as she pointed at all the different things, as she mimicked the poses of some figurines, as she explained to him her favourite storylines, as she critiqued some of the information, citing that some of it read as if the people writing it didn’t care about the story at all.

“It’s so clinical,” she grumbled, frowning down at a little diorama of the Sailor Moon-verse, the different planets surrounded by halos of light as information about each planet and the sailor that protected them scrolled across the top of the glass over the diorama.

She pointed to Venus, wrapped in an aura of orange and yellow light. “It doesn’t even mention the interesting history of Sailor Venus! There was like a whole chapter at the end of the Sailor V comic about her and her reincarnated lover!”

Rowan pouted, the glow of the display gilding her face. She could have been art from a museum, her eyes bright as stars, her smile golden from the light, the line of her jaw traced in gold, then scarlet, then azure, then the snowy white of a first snow. Her hands perfectly posed above the glass, fingertips hovering over the words scrolling across the top as it explained the history of the moon kingdom, now. Her hair fell into her face, curling against her cheeks, alight like a flame had been set beneath the waves, casting it in bronze and auburn and the brown of soil that had been freshly tilled.

She would be named something like joy. Or delight. Or perhaps creation, her body leaning over the diorama of planets and moons like a goddess peering over the cosmos she had brought to life.

He took another picture, before she noticed. She was mesmerized by the display, and he was mesmerized by her. By his Rowan, who was his joy, his delight. She made his heart warm, made him feel like he was brimming with universes and cosmos and so stars.

She looked up then, and he slid his phone back into his pocket, although the effort was pointless as she scanned the room, her brow furrowing as she considered something.

“I’m sorry,” she said at last, stepping away from the lit up display. He could see her teeth worrying her bottom lip, took note of the hunch of her shoulders as she crossed her arms over her chest. “Today is supposed to be about you, and I’ve spent the last little bit running around this exhibit when there’s other things you’d rather do.”

When he ached to hold her this time, he did not resist. Instead he reached for her hand, taking it in his and pressing it to his heart.

“The only thing I want to do is spend time with you,” he said, holding her gaze. “And I want to see your smile.”

She hesitated, her eyes slipping to the floor, to the carpet embroidered with pink and purple symbols from all the different shows and comics featured within the magical girl exhibit.

He pressed his index and middle fingers beneath her chin, tipping it back up so he could find her eyes. “If I get nothing else for my birthday, I’d like to see your smile for a little longer, today. And share the things you love too.”

The blush that crept over her cheeks reminded him of the sky as the sun began to set, soft pink staining the cerulean first, following by a rosy red that turned to fire as the sun set the horizon ablaze.

“Will you tell me more about what was missing in that display?” He asked, jerking his chin at the lit up diorama of the planets. “I’m not familiar with Sailor V, I don’t think it was in the comics you showed me.”

Her previous embarrassment washed away as her eyes widened. And there, curving over her lips like a crescent moon, was her smile once again.

“Did I not show you the Sailor V comics?” She mused, her eyes flicking up, to the side, back to him as she thought. “I don’t know if I brought them with me. I was preoccupied with some other things…” She trailed off, chewing on her bottom lip.

“Well once we get home,” he suggested. “Will you show me? Are there any episodes about it?”

She deflated a little, shaking her head. “No, but I wish there were. I don’t even think there’s any episodes about it in the reboot.”

She hummed, looking back at the display. Gavin’s hand fell from her chin, and he scratched at the back of his neck. “Will you explain it to me, though?”

Again that brilliant light in her eyes, replacing the sheepish look she’d had before. “Yes! But…” Again she trailed off, her gaze sweeping through the room, fixing on something to his left. He was pretty sure he heard the jingle of a bell and a 

Gavin turned to look, his own gaze falling on a light up tunnel with flashing pink lights. He could see the inside of the tunnel was pink, and he was pretty sure there was an extensive dessert menu hanging on either side of the hall. There was music playing too, so faint he couldn’t quite make out the tune.

“Can we go down there? While we talk?” She asked, pointing to the lit up hall. “I think I know what show it’s going to be about, but I want to be sure.”

He squeezed the hand he still held as he gave his assent. Of course they could, of course he would walk with her. He would go anywhere with her, so long as she was happy. So long as he could be by her side.

***

Perhaps Rowan should have felt a little bad, for the time she’d spent dragging Gavin through the comparatively tiny magical girl section of the museum. She didn’t even remember reading it on the map, although she supposed the section labelled MG would have stood for magical girl, the corner of the museum dedicated to the exhibit so much smaller than the others even on the map that it couldn’t fit the full exhibit name on the map.

But she didn’t feel bad, not even a little. She had, at first, but Gavin had squashed that feeling like a spider beneath his shoe.

Which was, in fact, something he did have to do quite often because there was no way she was squishing a spider. No way she was feeling the crack and squish of its exoskeleton so close to her skin.

Gavin had been kind, had been so sweet, his words giving her courage, and she had brimmed with relief for a few moments before it had been eclipsed by her excitement. There had been so many colours and so many things she loved, altogether in one bright maze of an exhibit. It had been quiet, too, most of the other guests preoccupied with the massive spaceships and dense texts that populated the rest of the museum.

But she had been so excited, and Gavin had held her hand, asking questions as they wandered through, making her heart sing every time he chimed in, every time he asked a question or made a remark or asked to watch the shows with her. It had been bubbling, brilliant joy, like sparkling pink rosé in her veins.

By the time they finished in the magical girl section it was almost time for their turn in one of the little planetarium rooms. So Gavin had squeezed her hand, drawing them back through the museum and the bustling crowd towards the domed planetarium that sat in the very centre of the museum.

They stood in line for a while, and Rowan leaned against Gavin, feeling fatigue beginning to set in. Her legs felt heavy, her feet aching from walking for so long. She winced as she tried readjusting her stance, the backs of her shoes pinching her heels.

She’d have blisters by the end of the day, and they hadn’t brought any blister bandages with them. She’d have to buy some later or suffer through more pain when they went out again.

Or, of course, Gavin could carry her. Which she wouldn’t be opposed to in the least. And she doubted he’d need much of a reason either. Then she could rest her head in the crook of his neck and listen to the beat of his heart.

There were, of course, issues with that plan, but she chose to ignore them for now. At the very least he could carry her around their yurt and the little bit of private space around it.

“Is this the last stop for us?” He asked, unfolding their map, his eyes scanning over the different exhibits highlighted on the side.

“I think so,” she said, the sound of a child’s laugh ringing through the echo-y hallway they were waiting in.

She smiled a little, her mind wandering as she imagined a tiny hand in her own. Or perhaps a tiny person perched on Gavin’s shoulders, cooing at the spaceships and the figures and the lights.

“What are you thinking of?” He asked, his voice reeling her from her daydream.

Her cheeks heated and she looked away, focusing on the queue, on how much longer they’d need to wait. She could see someone coming down the line, checking reservation times.

Rowan felt a pinch at her hip and spun around, gaping at Gavin.

“Tell me what you were thinking,” he insisted, a sly smile on his lips. “I want to know.”

“You’re awfully nosey today.”

He chuckled, his hand hovering over her waist, like he might pinch her again.

“I was just thinking about how much longer we have to wait,” she sniffed, crossing her arms. “We’ve both been really looking forward to this part.”

He arched a brow, his eyes glittering with mischief, as if he didn’t believe her. But he didn’t pry. He just pinched her again, smirking.

“When you’re ready to tell me, let me know.”

She narrowed her eyes, wondering why he was being so weirdly cryptic. What did he think she was thinking about? Why did he think it was something she wasn’t ready to tell him yet?

But she didn’t have time to mull over his response any longer as a staff member walked up to them, a small tablet in her hand.

“Party name?” She asked, typing in their information.

Her face brightened as their information popped up on her screen, and she beamed. “Mr and Mrs Bai?”

Gavin squeezed Rowan’s hand, looking smug. They hadn’t been married for so long that the sound of their shared name had lost its enchantment. It seemed like quite the opposite had happened, Gavin seeming more and more delighted every time he heard it.

“We’ve got planetarium room J reserved for you two,” she said, gesturing for them to follow. “It’s just around the corner here.”

She took the around a curve in the hall, pausing before a silver door that reminded Rowan of something she’d see on a spaceship.

“Here are your pamphlets,” the lady said, handing them each a rather hefty pamphlet. “It includes information on how to work the planetarium projections and holograms, and it has some basic information on the planets and galaxies we know of.”

The silver door opened with a soft whoosh, ice-touched fog rolling out to wrap around their ankles.

“Don’t worry about that,” the woman explained. “That’s just for theatrics. A bit of dry ice and fog adds a bit of drama!” She waved at them to enter. “You two have fun!”

They stepped into the room, a slight chill wrapping around them as the door whooshed shut and they were left to stand in the fog.

Pallid blue light shone down from the ceiling, bathing the small room in an eerie glow. It was circular, around the size of their living room, with what looked like steel counters curving around the circumference of the room.

Rowan wandered towards the counters, finding dials and buttons and gauges flashing ivory. She hummed, flipping through the pamphlet the woman had given her, trying to figure out how it all worked.

Gavin came up behind her, hooking his arm around her waist and peeking over her shoulder. “This looks like some of the stuff at the STF.”

“Do you think you can get it working then?” She asked, squinting as she tried to make out the instructions in the weak light. “This makes no sense to me, I-”

She didn’t get a chance to finish her sentence as Gavin leaned over her, his fingers dancing over the controls. He flicked a switched and pressed a few different buttons and sketched something she couldn’t understand over a little control pad, and suddenly the light was brightening, turning to a soft golden glow. She could hear humming around her, the whir of fans and engines and tech coming to life.

And then as if standing in the centre of the universe as the big bang came to be, galaxies exploded around her.

Rowan gasped, clapping her hands together as she took in the holographic universe swirling around her. Planets hovered in midair like dangling ornaments, stars blinked into existence and meteors twirled like snowflakes in a storm.

“What do you want to look at first?” He asked, drawing her towards the centre of the room, to where galaxies spun and danced like tissue paper on the wind.

She reached out her hand, the pad of her index finger brushing over the space where the milky galaxy hovered. There was a flash, and then it was expanding, their home galaxy blooming into existence around them. She watched as earth and mars and venus and saturn spun around their sun, whirling in time to different dances that the others could not follow.

“Look,” she sang, careful not to touch anything as she stepped through the glow of the hologram and stood before one of the planets. “It’s jupiter!”

Gavin chuckled. “And all its moons.”

Rowan gaped at the moons, her finger hovering over the closest one.

The hologram of jupiter grew larger, the moons orbiting around Rowan and Gavin now as well as the projected planet.

“Cyllene, or, Jupiter XLVIII-”

Rowan jumped at the sound of the cool robotic voice that filled the room, echoing against the metal walls.

“Is it telling us facts about it?” She asked, furrowing her brow as the voice grew quiet, the moon she’d touched spinning before her eyes.

The sound of paper crinkling drew her attention, and she looked over to see Gavin flipping through the pages of the pamphlet, a line between his brows. “It looks like we can activate the voiceover vocally, or if we select certain planets it will trigger automatically.”

“I’m gonna try another one,” Rowan reached out, sliding her finger over the moon beside her, and the hologram shifted as the new moon replaced the one the robot had called Cyllene.

The room chimed, followed by the cool robotic voice from before.

“Chaldene, or, Jupiter XXI, named after Chaldene the mother of-”

Rowan gaped, tipping her head back as if she could find the face of the voice that echoed through the chamber.

Gavin watched her spin in a circle, her arms lifted over her head, as if she were trying to feel the shooting stars that tumbled past.

“It feels kind of cool,” she said, dropping her arms as she again focused on the planet and moons before her. “Like I’m walking through a light rain, maybe?”

Gavin shifted, holding his arms out next. There was the chill of the fog creeping around their feet, but more than that there was a subtle coolness that wrapped around him, gooseflesh pricking his bared skin. If one of the shooting stars or moons or planets brushed against him he shivered, like a drop of frozen rain had slid down his back.

“I think you’re right,” he said at last, dropping his arms too. “Although if you’re cold, I can do my best to warm you up.”

Even in the wan light of the hologram he could see the colour creeping into her cheeks, disappearing beneath the curtain of her hair that veiled her face as she tipped her head forward.

He could have teased her more if he wanted to, but found himself too enchanted by her as she continued to select the different moons, listening to the computer list off different facts about them. She pinched her fingers and spread them wide when she wanted to zoom in further on the surface of some of the moons, although she wasn’t always successful, the holographic recreations fuzzy and lacking any specific details of the satellites’ surfaces.

He felt like maybe he had been put under a spell, a charm crafted of starlight and moon dust and freezing ocean water only found beneath Europa’s silicate-and-ice. Because how else could he explain how he could not focus on the hologram in the room at all, could not focus on the stars that bloomed to life and exploded into darkness around him when all he could focus on was Rowan.

She was still preoccupied with the moons, asking the room more information about them, about the potential for the ocean hidden beneath the frozen crust of Europa. The room responded in kind, sending the galaxy whirling around them as it brought another moon to the forefront. Ganymede, this time.

Gavin knew all of this information, of course. Once he’d become interested in space and in their universe he’d gotten lost down a rabbit hole of articles and books about the different planets and galaxies, and he kept up to date on every new discovery.

So he knew that there were moons that could be hiding life beneath their frozen surfaces, that there were interstellar oceans that they didn’t fully comprehend.

But watching Rowan, her eyes wide and filled with the light of the stars sailing past, he felt that wonder anew, magic and awe sparking in his heart like embers to kindling. She was gaping, the galaxy reflecting in her eyes, and he felt like he was seeing the universe for the first time. Like he was taking in the stars and the planets and the moons with new eyes.

Perhaps he was; experiencing it all now with his wife beside him. She seemed to be the axis his new universe spun around, a brilliant star that gave him warmth and life. He’d joked about being Jupiter and her his most precious moon, but truly she was the warm, beautiful planet, and he was nothing more than a satellite caught in her orbit.

She took his hand, startling him from his thoughts. “It’s your birthday, what do you want to look at next?”

How did he tell her that he would be satisfied looking at her? That she was the most precious thing in the universe, that no mysterious ocean or hurtling asteroid or cannibal galaxy could be as awe-inspiring as her? As precious as her?

He would tell her, he decided. He would just tell her later, once they’d gone back to their circular cabin and he’d pressed her against the bed and kissed her until her face was burning bright as a red star.

But for now he just squeezed her hand, their fingers tangling together as he suggested experimenting with the different modes the hologram had. Why not watch the galaxy bloom to life, shifting and melding and expanding over time?

She nodded her assent, trailing behind him as he flicked a few buttons to activate the time-lapse mode. Again the sound of whirring machines filled the room, and the temperature seemed to drop, the fog spilling from vents around their shoulders now. Within moments they were standing in a sea of drifting fog, their legs swallowed up by the pallid mist.

“It makes it feel kind of spooky,” Rowan admitted, pressing closer to Gavin.

She knew the fog was meant to elevate the atmosphere in the room, to enhance the experience itself of being in a private planetarium room, but it just made her skin crawl. It reminded her of the haunted house she’d tried to go through a few years ago. She’d had the chills while waiting in line, and they had only gotten worse as she’d stepped past the curtain and into the shadowed maze of the haunted house.

She’d been shaking so hard by the time she’d gotten to the first jump scare that she’d cried when the actor had leapt from their hiding place.

Gavin had been with her then, and he’d drawn her close, searching for the nearest exit. Afterwards he’d bought her pumpkin doughnuts and a hot chocolate from a food truck near the haunted house before taking her home and holding her tight on their shared couch.

Gavin’s voice was warm, drawing the fear from her heart like poison from a wound just like he had back then. He still held her hand now, his thumb tracing over her knuckles.

“Look,” he murmured, pointing with his free hand at a collection of stars. “The birth of stars.”

She followed his gaze, but she felt herself drawn back to him, the exploding stars gilding his face with their light. There was a comfort in being next to him, a warmth that washed over her and banished the chill that had descended.

He looked like a star himself, bathed as he was in the light of the growing universe. Planets twirled on invisible axes, asteroids hurtled past, stars bloomed to life and exploded into darkness in the blink of an eye. Galaxies collided, planets were vaporized, and the vastness of the universe around them expanded, entire worlds growing smaller as everything else stretched past any hope of comprehension.

But Gavin was the one constant in the chaos of the universe. Only he remained the same, warm and steady and kind, his hand like a tether that kept her from twirling away in the wake of the ever-changing tide that swept through space and time.

His eyes were bright, his smile kissed by starlight. He must have turned the volume down on the room’s voice, because it was little more than a hushed whisper, like the rustling of leaves in an autumn wind. Gavin spoke over it, explaining to Rowan the different planets, the different stars they watched wink in and out of existence. He pointed to a black hole, started telling her about the theories surrounding them as it swallowed galaxies whole.

She shuddered, pressing closer still. It was a little terrifying to think that such things were out there, ready to consume everything she held dear and tear it to shreds.

Gavin continued, too caught up now in the holograms around them to notice her discomfort. He grew more and more animated as he spoke, the amber of his eyes shining like molten gold, like flickering fire.

He looked so happy, utterly enchanted by the stars. And Rowan felt like she was enchanted in kind, although the spell cast upon her was because of the man before her, rather than the terrifying unknown of the universe.

There was joy in the way he moved his free hand, the way his words lilted as he spoke, the way the corners of his eyes crinkled as something flashed before their eyes. It was pure, undiluted, almost child-like, and her heart ached as she listened to him, as she watched splotches of pink appear on his cheeks.

He was happy, excited, to be here, to be sharing this with her.

Tears pricked at her eyes, but she blinked them away. Today was Gavin’s birthday, and she would not let him see her cry. But she would cry later, burning tears of joy streaking her cheeks when they turned in for the night and she buried her face against his chest. When the happiness and love staining her own heart were finally too much to bear, and it was safe to let them spill, knowing she would not confuse Gavin or upset him to see her cry.

She loved him so much, he was so precious to her. Her husband, this most wonderful man beside her, her most precious star.

***

Rowan squinted when they stepped from the planetarium room, the lights of the corridor so much brighter than the pallor of the dark room and the holograms.

The chill from the fog still lingered, buried in her bones as it was. She tugged at Gavin’s arm, pouting as he chuckled before wrapping his arm around her shoulder, drawing her close to his chest as they made their way to the exit.

They had one more stop before they were done at the museum, before Rowan could put the rest of her plan into motion.

She couldn’t help grinning, although she tried to play it off as excitement as they walked beneath the sign for the gift shop. Before them was a sprawling room with shelves stuffed nearly to bursting with toys and books and figurines. It felt a little like stepping into another of the exhibits, so many things to look at Rowan didn’t know where to start.

Her heart thundered in her chest, but she forced herself to take a very deep breath, redirecting her focus to the shelves on the far end of the shop, stacked high with colourful boxes.

“I think those are lego sets,” she said, dragging Gavin through the shop, their footsteps muffled on the moon-and-planet carpet. She wondered, vaguely, if the carpet had been stolen from a bowling alley. It certainly looked like it belonged in one.

There was still pink on Gavin’s cheeks, and they stood before the exclusive lego sets, trying to decide on which spaceships they wanted to build. Rowan furrowed her brow, trying to remember which ones he already owned, which ones she’d helped him build already.

She was pretty sure he had just about every Star Wars set, although there was a brand new one that had released not too long ago.

She chewed on her bottom lip, trying to remember. She liked to keep up on lego releases so she could be prepared with gifts for Gavin when he returned home from long missions, or for holidays and birthdays, or honestly when she just felt like treating him. It was probably the easiest gift to give him, his face always lighting up like a kid at christmas when he unwrapped a new set.

Once they had settled on a few sets Rowan wandered over to the plushie display, smiling at the embroidered grins and rosy cheeks of the plush planets and suns and moons. She couldn’t help it, she had to get at least one. Or maybe two.

One for her and one for Gavin.

She felt his breath against her ear as he settled his chin on her shoulder. “I think the planet ones are the best.”

She arched a brow, pointing to the plush Jupiter. “I suppose we have to get that one for the birthday boy.”

He chuckled as she gathered the plush into her arms. “Of course.”

“But he needs a friend,” she murmured, her hand grazing over the different plushies.

Gavin reached forward, tapping his finger on a smiling moon. “Why not this one?”

She snorted, but collected one of the plush moons, nestling it in the crook of her arm next to the Jupiter.

“Now they’ll be best friends,” she announced, beaming at him as he straightened.

Gavin cupped her cheek with his free hand. “Maybe more than friends?”

“Maybe.”

They wandered through the rest of the shop, collecting a few other odds and ends before heading to the cash. Rowan had been preparing for this day for months, had planned out exactly what she would do when they got up to the register with their hoard.

So she was ready with her card in hand, slapping it against the screen of the card reader before the cashier had even finished reading their total.

Gavin’s eyes widened, his wallet in his hand. “You didn’t have to-”

Rowan beamed at him as the card reader beeped, the transaction completed. “You can carry the bags.”

Gavin slid his wallet back into his pocket, blinking at her as he took the bags from the cashier. “Rowan, you know I-”

She took his free hand, pressing a kiss to his palm. “Happy birthday, babey.”

Gavin stumbled behind her for a moment, dazed. He usually liked being the one to pay for things when they went out, liked taking care of her, even if it was just buying little treats and knick knacks.

He felt a little like there were wings in his belly, delicate butterfly wings made of gossamer and sunshine. They were fluttering furiously, and he couldn’t help but feel a little like a boy again, like his crush had smiled at him and leant him her pencil.

He swallowed, his cheeks heating. He would have to thank her later, would have to show her exactly how thankful he was for her gift.

Rowan groaned as they made their way into the parking lot, running a hand through her hair. “It’s so hot, I forgot how warm it was supposed to be today.”

Gavin squeezed her hand, scanning the parking lot. “Let’s get to the car and we can get the air conditioning going for you.”

It took him a moment longer to spot their car than he had anticipated. He’d thought they’d parked quite close to the entrance, barely more than a few moments walk. But the car was quite a few rows back, and he could feel sweat coating his skin like a film by the time he unlocked the passenger side door for her.

Rowan slid inside, and Gavin moved to the door to the backseat to toss their bags inside. But he found himself pausing, his eyes narrowing.

The backseat was virtually empty, nothing but a simple pink blanket spread out over the seat. But hadn’t it been full that morning when they’d left?

He distinctly remembered something in the backseat he hadn’t been allowed to look at. Except now it was gone.

Gavin set the bags in the back before going around the side and settling into the driver's seat, turning the key in the ignition.

“Rowan,” he said, turning to her as the air conditioning blasted frosty air into the car.

“Hmmm?” She looked over at him, her face red from the sun.

“Don’t you remember us parking closer?”

She furrowed her brow, turning around to lean forward, peering up at the museum. “I don’t think so?”

“It feels like it took longer to get back to the car.”

She quirked her mouth to the side, leaning back. “Maybe it’s just from the heat? I feel like when it gets hot out everything feels like it takes longer.”

He hummed, supposing she had a point. But how did that explain the empty backseat?

Gavin opened his mouth, but closed it again as Rowan watched him curiously. She didn’t seem to have any idea what he was talking about, and it was entirely possible he was remembering wrong. He had been a little preoccupied with her and with his excitement at coming to this museum.

Shrugging, Gavin shifted the car into drive, slowly pulling out from their parking spot and heading towards the lot exit.

“Why don’t we do a little driving around,” Rowan offered, as the main road came into view.

He arched a brow. “Where to?”

“I don’t know, I just…” She trailed off, her eyes flicking down to her hands, her fingers hooking around the chain of her bracelet. “I don’t want today to end yet.”

He flicked the turn signal on, leaning his head back as he watched the cars racing past him. Something seemed off, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it.

“There’s a little town nearby. We could head over there and wander around a bit.”

He could admit that it was a bit odd that Rowan would want to wander around in the late July afternoon, the heat beating down on them as it was.

But he brushed his suspicions off, not caring if it was slightly strange that his wife wanted to walk around. It was his birthday, and she was partial to cute little towns with little shops and parks to wander through. And it was a perfectly good excuse to hold her hand for a little longer.

He merged onto the road at last, heading towards the town that the museum was located on the outskirts of. It was busier now than it had been that morning, the roads growing busier the closer they got to town. Rowan chattered aimlessly, her fingers brushing against his arm as she told him about something she had read, as she asked him did he think there would be any ice cream shops, it was the perfect day for ice cream.

He followed the signs that directed him towards an ‘olde towne,’ which he assumed was something like the downtown. That would surely be the place Rowan would like best, and there would be plenty of shopping and places to wander hand-in-hand.

“Oh babey, look! A little bookstore!”

Gavin took that as his cue to find a parking spot, quickly pulling into a little lot behind a collection of shops.

Rowan scrambled from the car before he had even pulled the key from the ignition, popping coins into the parking meter in front of them.

“What are you doing?” He asked, stretching his arms up as he stood.

“Just making sure we have loads of time,” she sang, popping another two dollar coin into the machine. “I don’t want us to get a ticket.”

He chuckled, tucking the key into his pocket and wrapping his arm around her waist. “How long do you think we’re going to be here, pumpkin?”

Her bottom lip popped out and she looked away. “I just want to make sure we’re not ticketed. Parking tickets on birthdays are the worst.”

He sighed, earning a sharp yelp as he pinched her waist. “What am I going to do with you?”

“Stop pinching me, I hope!”

He snorted. “But it’s my birthday, I thought I could have anything I wanted.”

She narrowed her eyes, stepping out of his arms. “You want to inflict bodily harm on me?”

He couldn’t help it then, reaching forward quick as lightning to pinch her waist again. Rowan squealed, smacking his arm.

“Stop that!” But she was laughing, even as she jogged away from him.

“Don’t worry,” he assured, closing the distance between them quickly. “I’ll make sure to kiss it better tonight.”

She puffed out her cheeks, her face turning scarlet. “Or you could just not pinch me.”

“But where would be the fun in that?”

Rowan poked his chest, pouting. “You owe me.”

“On my own birthday?” He challenged, smirking.

“Debts don’t care about birthdays!” She announced, turning her nose up. “And I’m here to collect.”

Gavin sighed, cupping the back of her neck to hold her steady as he leaned closer, savouring the way her knees wobbled and her breathing faltered.

“Can I pay it back later?” He murmured, his eyes dropping to her lips, a lazy smile playing at the corners of his mouth. “I have a couple of ideas.”

She squeaked, and he could feel the flutter of her lashes against his skin.

He hummed, his free hand idly stroking her side. “What do you say?”

Her voice cracked, sounding strangled, like there was something caught in it. “I-I-”

“What is it, pumpkin?” He couldn’t keep the laughter from his voice.

“I just meant like…” She trailed off, her voice catching as he tangled his fingers in her hair.

“Like buying me some candies, or a book, or some flowers,” she managed, her eyes looking anywhere but at his face.

He chuckled again, pulling away, although he was loath to move so far away from her. “Well there was never any question of that.”

She sighed, her head falling forward. “What am I going to do with you?”

“Hopefully a lot, since it’s my birthday.”

His cheeky little comment cost him dearly, Rowan pinching his arm in kind before marching off. He winced, but quickly shook off the pain, chasing after Rowan to twine his hand with hers.

“I’m only teasing,” he said, letting her choose the route, deciding it was probably best not to push her too far. He had to save up a little mischief for later.

Rowan didn’t respond, her face scrunched up in a facsimile of a pout. She just tugged him forward, glaring at him in their reflection in a shop window.

“Why don’t we look for a sweet shop?” he suggested, trying to offer her an olive branch. “There’s usually at least one in a town like this.”

Rowan halted her steps, her shoulders relaxing. “Will you buy me the chocolates with the maraschino cherries if they have them?”

He nodded. “Of course.”

“And if there’s any raspberry ones?”

Again he nodded.

“And if there’s any orange ones?”

He squeezed her hand, biting back another laugh. He would buy her the moon if he could. He would string the stars on a chain of gold for her neck, he would pluck the rings from Saturn for her fingers, he would twist the stardust trail behind a meteor through her hair.

Of course he would buy her a little bag of candies if she wanted. If that showed even a scrap of how much he adored her.

“As you wish.”

She rolled her eyes, muttering under her breath about how dorky he was being yet again, but Gavin couldn’t find it in himself to care. Perhaps he was a little silly and dorky, as she so often liked to tell him before kissing his cheeks or wrapping her arms around his waist.

But he was hers, and she loved every little part of him, even the silliest parts.

Gavin let her draw him into shop after shop, the sun warming his face, the heat seeping into the marrow of his bones. They were greeted with blasts of air conditioning and chiming bells as they pushed open different shop doors, the smell of chocolates or spiced drinks or old leather permeating the different spaces.

They wandered around the fancy chocolate shop that was in fact in the little town, only a few streets over from where they’d parked. Rowan wandered aimlessly, lifting up little packets of hot chocolate or prepackaged assortments of candies while Gavin leaned over the chocolate display case, scanning the options carefully before pointing to the different sweets he wanted.

He had them all packaged up by the time she had finished her rounds through the store, a box of hazelnut chocolates in the shape of little animals in her hands.

She looked a little sheepish as she held the box up to him, chewing on her bottom lip. “Can we get these too?”

She didn’t need to ask. Gavin was already taking them from her hands, tucking them under his arm as he made his way to the register.

“Should we stop and get something to eat?” He asked, his card already on the card reader so Rowan couldn’t pull her little trick on him again.

She seemed to mull over his question, her eyes scanning the shelves behind the cashier, catching on the pink striped wallpaper that reminded him of cherry flavoured candy canes.

“I don’t feel that hungry,” she said, sighing. “The food from the museum is sitting kind of heavy in my stomach.”

He rubbed her back idly, taking the pink paper bag of their things in his free hand.

He steered her towards the door, concern flitting through him like a moth at midnight. “A drink then?”

She nodded. “A drink would be nice.”

Gavin kept his hand on her back, steering them both through the throng of people ambling around on the sidewalks. “I think I saw a little tea place this way.”

“Ooo and the bookshop is just over there!”

He couldn’t help smiling, his attention diverted for a moment before he resumed his mission. “Maybe we should sit down first, if you’re not feeling well it could be from the heat.”

Rowan grumbled something under her breath, but Gavin decided not to respond. Verbally, at least. Because he definitely pinched her side again, something he was becoming a little too fond of doing, if only to elicit the gasping response Rowan always seemed to give him whenever he pinched her.

He would make sure he was very gentle when he made up for it later.

It took a bit of wrangling to get her to sit while he went to order them both something to drink. She insisted that she was fine, that she wasn’t an invalid, that she was perfectly able to stand on her own feet and wait in a queue.

But Gavin wouldn’t take no for an answer, and after a prolonged battle between their wills, Rowan had relented, letting him guide her into a seat at a small table next to a window.

He might have had to pull the birthday card again, but he would be lying if he said he was ashamed of it. If it meant convincing his wife to rest then he was more than happy to abuse it until the day was done.

The line wasn’t particularly long, and Gavin ordered iced teas for them, one a sweet strawberry tea and one lemon.

A pair of kids ran past his feet, squealing as they chased after their mother, who was carrying a bag of cookies and a tray with three iced drinks balanced on it. Gavin’s eyes trailed after them, their laughter ringing like bells. He wondered what it would be like if there had been someone smaller with him and Rowan, little hands grasping at his, a stream of questions about space and rocket ships as they’d wandered through the museum.

He would have had to buy extra chocolates at the last shop, and he smiled as he imagined how Rowan’s voice would have lilted as she’d chattered with the little voice. Then he would have tossed the child onto his shoulders, and they would have squealed as happily as the children following their mother squealed.

Perhaps there would only be one, or perhaps two, or-

His daydream fizzled apart as his name was called, the drinks he’d ordered set on the counter.

He did his best to ignore the strange feeling that had bloomed in his chest, not quite melancholy not quite want, tucking away the image of chubby cheeks and little grasping hands held safely in his. Instead, he grabbed the drinks, heading back to the table.

Rowan smiled at him as he approached, and she cooed about how she’d missed him, although he was sure it had only been a few moments at the most.

Not that it really mattered, not when he’d missed her so much too.

They chatted for a little, sipping at their drinks, but Rowan’s eyes kept sliding out the window, fixing on something in the distance.

Gavin followed her gaze, his focus settling on a greenspace, the entrance to a park. And just beyond the park entrance he could make out a group of kids shrieking as they raced through a little splash pad.

Rowan opened her mouth, closed it again, her hands wrapping around her plastic cup.

He angled his head to the side, flicking his gaze between her and the splash pad, the strange ache returning to his chest.

It took him a long moment to identify what it was, as his focus shifted back to Rowan, as his mind wandered once more to the hazy fantasy tucked in the back of his mind.

Longing. It was longing.

“Gavin,” she said at last, her eyes growing distant, like she was watching something in her mind’s eye, something tucked deep inside of her. “Have you ever…”

She trailed off, and Gavin was certain he knew what she was thinking of now.

They’d talked about it a little, back when they were dating, and again after they’d returned home from their wedding and honeymoon. And it had come up here and there, when they walked past aisles of childrens toys or walked past a youth soccer game or when Rowan received an invitation to a baby shower.

But maybe it was time to talk about it in earnest. Maybe now it was time to move past talking.

“Have you ever thought…” Her voice cracked as she again trailed off, her head dipping down, casting her eyes down to the scratched surface of the table.

How did she ask it? How did she find the right words?

‘I know we’ve talked about having kids before, but have you ever thought about us trying for real?’

Certainly she couldn’t just say that. It was ridiculous, she was sure he would think she’d gone mad, that the sun and the summer heat had gotten to her.

But the thought had always been buried deep in her heart, the quiet want that had always seemed to grow a little more with every passing day. And then today there had been the two little kids racing around the store, calling for their mama as she’d carried their treats and drinks to a little picnic table across the street.

Rowan had followed the sound of their laughter, her gaze fixing on the splash pad not far from the picnic tables in the park across the street. And it had been hard to not imagine, to stop herself from imagining, carrying a tray of drinks and snacks for her own children. With amber eyes like Gavin and chubby cheeks and little dimples that always came out like the sun after a storm when they smiled.

Perhaps they would run screeching through the splash pad, terrorizing each other and her and Gavin. Perhaps they would sit and chatter quietly, perhaps they would try to drag her onto the splash pad with them.

It hurt a little, the ache in her chest where the longing had buried itself like roots. They had agreed, initially, to enjoy their time just the two of them for a while. But she…

She sighed, shaking her head as the words to her question dried up on her tongue once more. She was being ridiculous, she didn’t even know why she was asking this. It was Gavin’s birthday, the focus was supposed to be on him. On making him happy. On making sure he was kept distracted until his final surprise was ready.

She opened her mouth to dismiss what she had been trying to say, but Gavin cut her off before she could.

“I have,” he said, his eyes following the same trajectory as hers had earlier. “I have thought about it.”

She didn’t know how she knew, she was no telepath, she had no evol to speak of. But somehow, deep in her belly, Rowan knew he was talking about kids. About wanting to have kids, too.

She felt like she was walking on ice, the raging ocean a few inches from her feet churning furiously, daring her to take another step, daring her to risk going forward, further out to see.

She swallowed. “And?”

The late afternoon sunlight was the gold of autumnal leaves, and it refracted into millions of rainbows as it spilled across Gavin’s face, catching in his eyes, glittering with magic.

“I think we should talk about it more,” he said, reaching across the table to take her hand. “I think we should try.”

Delicate wings of sunshine and silken petals swarmed her chest and belly in a typhoon, whipped around and around the invisible wind in her heart.

She didn’t know she had leaned forward until almost her entire torso was stretched across the table, both her hands grasping Gavin’s now, her heart’s rhythm stumbling from excitement.

“Really? You really mean it?”

Gavin laughed, his hair turning to gold in that brilliant sunshine. “I really mean it.”

She sat back, beaming. “That makes me really happy, babey.”

He arched a brow, mischief in his eyes now. “How happy?”

She pulled her hands away, taking hold of her cup once more. “I don’t think I like your tone.”

“I’m only asking so I know how you’re going to treat me later tonight.”

His voice dipped low, turning sultry, and Rowan considered tossing her iced tea over her head to douse the heat curling in her belly.

She sniffed, pretending like she was unbothered. “I guess you’ll just have to find out.”

When they were done their drinks they returned back to wandering, and Rowan was finally able to drag him into the little bookshop she’d seen.

Her reasons for bringing him in were two-fold: one, to buy herself a little more time because she hadn’t gotten the all clear text yet, and two, because she really wanted to look at a few books with him.

They likely would have covered more ground had they split up, but at this point it was a sort of tradition to wander around together, whether they were on a mission or not.

Neither of them had brought anything with them to read, and Rowan thought staying at the yurt would be a golden opportunity to rest and catch up on doing the fun little things they liked doing together. Like building lego sets and reading together.

It was a little game they had started years ago, picking out one or two books they thought the other would enjoy. Rowan ran her eyes over the colourful spines of different fiction titles, trying to determine what her husband would like best.

Something in space, perhaps? To fit with their trip? Perhaps something completely different, a genre he didn’t normally read?

She considered buying him a mystery novel, but Gavin was notorious for getting about halfway through any murder mystery and solving it and stuffing the book full of sticky notes and messy thoughts crammed into the margins, making the books unreadable.

So perhaps mystery was out of the question.

From the corner of her eye she caught Gavin sliding something from the shelf.

“What’s that?” She asked, turning her head to the side, tipping it back as Gavin stiffened.

“It’s a surprise,” he said, snorting when she tried moving closer. “You don’t get to see it.”

She pouted. “Why not!”

“Because it’s my birthday, and I said so.”

“Boo, you’re no fun.”

She disentangled her hand from his marching away.

“Pumpkin, where are you going?”

She jutted her chin up, deciding that although normally they would wander together, today they would not.

“If I can’t see what you’re looking at then you can’t see what I am!”

She could hear his laughter, warm and sweet as melting honey, chasing at her heels.

It made her consider turning back around. But no, she would pick something out for him on her own, and then she would get to give him two surprises today.

She wandered for a while, scanning the titles in the science fiction section over and over, considering the options. Perhaps she could get him the book about space necromancers? It was in space, but she remembered reading some reviews that it got quite confusing at parts.

She pulled the book from the shelf anyways, tucking it against her chest as she continued to browse. It was his birthday, she could get him another.

She ran into Gavin after she’d made her third selection, deciding Gavin deserved lots of options, and she’d hastily covered the book covers with her hands before he could take a peak.

“Don’t look!”

He closed his eyes, sighing, but there was a smile dancing on his lips, belying his facsimile of fatigue.

“So you want a few more minutes?”

She looked down at the books in her arms, scanning the titles quickly before giving him a firm nod. “I’m ready!”

He opened his eyes, gesturing to the register with a jerk of his head. “Then shall we go?”

They purchased separately, and were soon wandering through the town again. Rowan clutched the paper bag of books against her chest, the crinkle of paper beneath her fingers making her smile. She hoped Gavin liked what she picked out. She hoped he would be happy.

She eyed the sun, haloed by wispy white clouds. It was so warm, and her eyes felt heavy, like they would close at any moment. She wanted to find a nice patch of grass and take a nap, curled up in a buttery sunbeam until nighttime washed over the world and the stars bloomed in the sky.

Beside her, Gavin yawned, his head falling back, the sun washing over his face as his eyes squeezed shut.

Rowan wished she was a photographer, or perhaps a painter. She wished she could capture that moment, when he was gilded by sunlight, his hair ruffled, his cheeks pink from the sun.

But instead she tucked it away in her memories, leaning against him as he straightened.

“I feel like I could use a nap,” he admitted, letting her tug him past a crowd outside an ice cream shop. “Do you want to head back yet?”

She shook her head, stomach twisting into knots.

Not yet.

“I want to wander around a little more,” she said instead, squeezing his hand.

He just smiled, seeming content to be dragged around. “As you wish.”

They wandered aimlessly, popping into the different shops that lined the rustic “olde towne” they had found. There were hat shops and dress stores and a shop that specialized in wool sweaters imported from Ireland.

There were little bakeries and a used bookshop and a flower shop, where Gavin purchased Rowan a small bouquet of peonies, some of her favourite flowers.

She had lifted the pale pink blooms to her nose when she felt her phone buzzing in her pocket. Relief washed over her and she sighed, breathing in the sweet smell of the peonies.

“Before we go,” she said, swinging Gavin’s arm between them. “Do you think we could walk through that park? It looks like it’s nice and shaded and it might be nice.”

“Lead the way.”

Again that relief swelled, followed by delight and excitement that tumbled and tangled together in a tumult in her chest. She was so excited she could barely keep her breathing in check as she walked with Gavin through the park, passing the splash pad and the raucous group of children racing through it. As they walked deeper into the park, passing older couples and people walking dogs and teenagers rollerblading past them.

The sun had finally begun to set, too, painting fiery shades of orange and copper and red across the once-cerulean sky. It looked like someone had taken a flame to a canvas, letting the blue paint turn to smoke and memory.

A soft wind chased after the setting sun, ruffling in their hair and snapping at their clothes. The hum of cicadas was a constant symphony, filling the air even as the path began to grow quiet.

Gavin wondered, distantly, if they should turn back. It was still bright and warm, but now that the sun was beginning its descent all he could think of was curling up in bed with Rowan, his head pillowed on the soft curve of her breast. But he was also loath to let the day end, savouring this precious time with her.

He thought nothing of the little copse of trees nearing them on the right, but it did prick through his reverie when Rowan began heading towards it.

“Where are you going?” He asked, stepping onto the grass to follow after her.

But she just turned around, a coy smile on her lips. “It’s a surprise.”

He furrowed his brow, confused. The quiet tinkle of silver bells danced in the wind like the beginning of a melody, and he caught a scrap of blue fluttering from the side of a tree.

He followed behind her, his confusion melting into curiosity, that too melting away when he stepped into the little circle of trees.

There were blue and gold ribbons strung between the trees, knotting and twining together so they formed a silken archway above their heads that shifted and sighed in the wind. Silver wind-chimes had been hung from the tree branches, pealing in bright song. A checkered picnic blanket was stretched across the space, loaded with plates of sweets and cupcakes and sandwiches and salads and meats. To the side there was a little pile of wrapped presents, the silvery wrapping paper seeming to glow in the fading light.

He gaped, awestruck as Rowan took a seat on the blanket. “What is this?”

She spread her arms wide. “It’s for you! It’s your birthday surprise!”

He continued to gape, amazed at what she had done.

“But how did you… When did you…” He couldn’t finish his sentence, even as the question prodded at his mind.

How had she gotten all this done? How had she gotten this all set up when they’d been at the museum all day?

She patted the ground next to her, and Gavin sat, resisting the urge to pull her into his lap and kiss her breathless. He couldn’t believe it, couldn’t think of anything at all.

She tucked her hair back, looking a little sheepish. “Please don’t get upset, but I had to get a little help from Eli and some of your colleagues. And maybe Minor too.”

Gavin blinked. Logically he knew that this would mean extensive harassment at work. He could already imagine Eli’s shit eating grin when he came back to work.

And oh the teasing he would get from Minor. He wouldn’t be safe for weeks.

But those thoughts all swept away as he met Rowan’s gaze, as he looked around him at everything she had prepared for him.

His eyes burned, and he had to blink to stop himself from crying. He could feel a lump in his throat, choking off his words, stopping him from telling Rowan how happy he was, how amazed he was.

She watched him quietly, a crease forming between her brows. “Babey? Is everything alright?”

He didn’t even pretend to have any self restraint this time as he gathered her in his arms, dragging her into his lap so he could crush her against his chest.

Rowan gasped, but the sound was quickly muffled as she pressed her face into his hair, her fingers splaying out on his back.

“Thank you,” he managed, burying his face in the crook of her neck. He sniffled, feeling like a child as silent tears streamed down his face. “Thank you, Rowan.”

She rubbed his back, massaging gently. “I love you, babey. I love you with all my heart. I love you more than there are stars in the sky.”

He sucked in a breath, squeezing his eyes shut tight.

“Happy birthday, Gavin. I’m so happy that you were born.”

He felt like he was shaking, but her arms steadied him. She held him tight, murmuring soft words, gentle words. That she loved him, that he was precious to her, that he was kind and good and strong, that he was so easy to love, that she couldn’t imagine life without him.

He was crying like a child and he couldn’t stop. Not for a long long while as night cast itself over the world, stars emerging like diamonds tossed across the sky.

Gavin peeled away from her slowly, ducking his head so she did not see the stains from his tears. But all Rowan did was cup his cheeks and gently turn his face up, wiping the drying tears with her thumbs.

The song of the windchimes steadied him, helped to bring him back from the haze that had been his tears. He sniffled again, covering Rowan’s hands with his.

“Thank you,” he murmured. “Thank you, Rowan. I’m so happy.”

She smiled, more brilliant than the stars, more ethereal than the moon. “I’m so glad. But you haven’t even had the food I prepared yet!”

He released his grip on her, begrudgingly, so she could collect a paper plate for him and begin piling all the food she’d brought onto it.

“I tried my very best to make your favourites,” she sang, stacking two salads on top of each other. “Although you will have to forgive me for the cupcakes. I just couldn’t resist.”

He watched as she settled a small cupcake on the centre of his plate, blue and purple icing swirling together, crusted in gold and silver star-shaped sprinkles.

“It’s all wonderful,” he said, his cheeks warming as she fussed over him and the food. “I’m sure it’s all delicious.”

“Well,” she groused, preparing her own plate now. “I hope so. If anything is bad we can blame Minor.”

He snorted, wholeheartedly agreeing with her. There was no way his Rowan would make anything that didn’t taste good. “Deal.”

He was only about halfway through his food when she started pushing presents towards him, but Gavin tucked them to the side, promising up and down that he would open them later.

“Do you not want them?” She asked, clutching a small bag in her arms.

He had just sunk his teeth into his cupcake, and he chewed quickly. “I do want them, in just a minute, love. I want to enjoy sitting here with you for a moment.”

A flicker of light caught his eye and he looked up, watching as a shooting star streaked across the sky.

He closed his eyes for a moment, breathing in as he spun the magic of his wish.

He wished that he would spend the rest of his birthdays with her. That he would spend every birthday and every day in-between with his Rowan.

He opened his eyes to find her leaning close, her thumb brushing against his face a hairsbreadth from the corner of his lip.

“What is it?”

There was mischief in her eyes as her hand fell away.

“There’s a bit of icing on your face.”

He lifted his brows, his hand coming up to wipe it off. But Rowan batted his hand away, leaning close, so very close he could catch the specks of green buried deep in the sea of her eyes.

Her lips brushed against the corner of his mouth, and he felt her tongue flick against him.

“There,” she sang, sitting back. “All better.”

He felt a little out of sorts, his breathing heavy, his heartbeat stumbling like a toddler in a race. There was heat in his core, a tightness in his pants that he struggled to ignore.

He eyed the presents piled on his side, then Rowan again, who looked more than a little proud of herself and her shenanigans.

“You know,” he said, shifting closer, pinching a strand of her hair between his thumb and forefinger, letting his voice turn sultry and soft. “I think there’s something else I’d much rather unwrap right now.”

Rowan smacked his arm, feigning outrage. But all it did was make Gavin laugh, made the heat in his belly grow, made his head feel a little like he’d drunk an entire bottle of champagne.

He swiped his finger across the icing of a cupcake, wiping his finger against Rowan’s cheek.

“There,” he murmured, sucking the rest of the icing from his finger. “Now we’re even.”

He didn’t have a moment to react before an entire cupcake was being smushed against his face, cake crumbling over his shirt, icing streaking down his neck.

Rowan cackled, wiping her hand on the blanket. “Now we’re even.”

Laughter bubbled in his chest, brilliant as sunshine, light as spun sugar. He wrapped his arms around her, dragging her close, wiping his messy face against her throat.

Rowan shrieked, squirming in his arms. “Gavin that tickles! Let go!”

But he in fact did not let go, nuzzling his face more against her, smearing icing all over her throat and her collar and part of her shirt. He nipped at her skin, licking some of the icing as she continued to gasp and squeal, her hands smacking his arms uselessly.

“Gavin!”

He hummed, his nose bumping against her chin.

“Gavin that tickles!”

Finally he relented, releasing her just enough so she could breathe, but keeping her firmly in his lap.

“That was uncalled for,” she wheezed, trying and failing to glare at him as she wiped her palm across her chest.

He shrugged, grinning. “Maybe.”

“Maybe?”

“But I had fun,” he said, running a hand through her hair, pushing it back from her face, golden candy stars getting caught in her bangs. “And since it’s my birthday…”

She groaned, throwing her head back. “Okay okay, you win.”

He chewed on his lip for a moment, a habit he’d picked up from Rowan as he regarded her carefully.

“Rowan?”

She straightened, her hands falling to his shoulders. “Hmm?”

“Thank you,” he said, his voice soft as feather down. “Thank you for this.”

Her gaze softened too, and she cupped his face, her fingers still sticky with icing. “Babey, I love you more than I can say. I just want you to have a happy birthday.”

How did he explain to her that every birthday now was happy? That she had reminded him that he was alive, that the world was beautiful, that there was still joy to be had in the smallest of things? How did he explain to her that every birthday he was happy he had been born, that he was happy he was beside her?

How did he tell her that every day with her was a gift, was more precious than any newborn star or glittering galaxy could be?

He didn’t know how, didn’t have the words to say it right. So instead he kissed her, gentle this time, tasting the sweet buttercream of the icing and the sugar of the sprinkles and the chocolate of the cupcakes on her.

She was his star, his guiding light. She’d brought warmth and happiness back into his life, she’d brought him laughter, brought him joy and comfort and love.

He felt like he might cry again, but did his best to hold it back. He wanted to enjoy the rest of the evening before they packed up, he wanted to take his time tasting the different foods she’d brought while he opened the gifts, and then he wanted to return to their cabin and take his time tasting all of her.

She sighed as they broke apart, her eyes closed, icing caught in her lashes as they splayed across her cheek.

He grinned, unable to stop himself, feeling a ghost of that earlier laughter bubbling in his throat.

“Rowan?”

She opened her eyes, peering at him curiously.

He gestured to the icing smeared over them both, smiling. “Will you help me clean this up?”

She laughed, plucking a napkin from the little basket perched nearby. The windchimes sang in tandem, the melodies twining together in a starlit song that sent gossamer wings flitting in his heart.

Rowan kissed his cheek, sending warmth spilling through him like sunshine across a wildflower field. “As you wish, my love.”

[comfyswitcherblanketfort]

Grunge-Metal Geralt

Hi, im fucking trash for the idea of Geralt being the front man for a Five Finger Death Punch type band and my brain wouldn’t shut the fuck up about it. This music genre is my bread and butter and I think Geralt’s repressed but highly emotional ass would fit right in. Yes im using another Hozier song, no i dont wanna hear anything about it. I’m a basic bitch and ive made my peace with it

Warnings: i honestly have no idea, its a little horny, little emotional, but theres no actual character interaction?, its at a concert venue? idk yall.

_________________________

Jaskier was… out of his comfort zone.

It’s not that he didn’t like the grunge-metal music, he just hadn’t listened to much and he was not used to the energy. People were yelling and screaming and the opener hadn’t even come on yet. He didn’t feel unsafe, far from it. Several people had checked to see if he was okay, seeing as he was the only person in the entire arena wearing a sweater that wasn't ripped or faded to hell. It was just a far cry from the shows he was used to. 

He played folky-blues. This was nothing like his shows. 

When the lights went down the crowd was deafening, all moving as one to rush the front of the floor, not giving a single fuck about tickets. 

The openers were exciting, and Jaskier was surprised by some of the concepts and messages behind the music. It wasn’t what he’d expected at all and he found himself searching them up on Spotify to listen later. 

Then came The Witchers. 

Eskel and Lambert made their energetic entrance, followed by Aiden calmly walking to his drums and sitting as if he were walking into a college class. But Geralt was nowhere in sight. The one person Jaskier had actually come to see. 

He’d seen a video clip from a previous concert where they covered one of his songs, and he was praying they’d do it again. It was lovely in a haunting-almost-threatening way, and the expression in Geralt’s posture alone was enthralling. He had to see it live. 

But Geralt was still absent as the band started to build a song. First Aiden with the beat, then Eskel’s bass, then Lambert with a melody on his electric guitar. It built and built and built to a fever pitch, taking the crowd with it. People were already jumping and screeching. Jaskier had to stand on his seat to see the stage clearly. 

Geralt’s voice echoed through the venue, low and closer to a growl than singing, but he was still nowhere to be seen.

Jaskier thought he’d been prepared, but his whole body was covered in goosebumps. He briefly wondered if this was what his friends were feeling when they listened to ASMR.

Geralt remained hidden for the whole first verse, getting the crowd even more excited than Jaskier thought possible, only for the band to go completely silent for a whole measure. When the crowd's screams reached their absolute loudest, Geralt dropped from on top of one of the jumbotrons, landing on one of the horse-sized speakers before launching into the chorus. 

Oh fuck, he was even more beautiful in person. 

He was… well he was a beast of a man. Jaskier really didn’t have another word for the way his muscles bulged and how lithe and powerful he looked springing from the speaker to join his bandmates on the main stage. His thighs filled out his black, tattered jeans and there were clear faded spots where his muscles strained the fabric too often. The thin black tank he wore did nothing but pretend the man was semi-modest. It was so tight, the only thing left up to the imagination was tan lines and the color of his nipple piercings. 

Jaskier was most entranced by his long, white, wavy hair falling past his shoulders. As the show continued and he started to sweat, a lot, it got curlier and curlier at the root. Jaskier wanted to give him a mask and some curl cream, but only after a, uhm, rough night of getting to know each other. He’d heard rumors about Geralt from hitting arenas not long after they’d left. He was quite sure they’d have a great time.

As he focused on the lyrics more and more, he was more inclined to want to wrap Geralt up in a hug and worship every part of him until he felt whole again. 

Either he’d been shown the shitty side of the genre, or The Witchers were exceptions to the rule of content. Jaskier was almost moved to tears a few different times.

Finally, about an hour into Jaskier mindlessly feasting his eyes on the front man, Geralt leapt onto another speaker and sat down, breathing hard and grinning from ear to ear. 

“You still with us?”

The unholy screech from the crowd left no doubt they were just as excited, if not more so, than when they’d arrived. 

“Good! Good..” he trailed off, chuckling as he lowered the mic to take a breath, “We’re gonna slow it down for a minute,” he leaned forward and held the mic away as Eskel shouted something up at him to which he laughed and flipped him off. 

“As I was saying, we’re gonna yearn for a minute or two and do a cover. Song by Jaskier called ‘Talk’.”

The crowd lost their shit again, various pride flags popping up throughout the stands. 

Geralt chuckled and raised his combat boot, showing off the bi flag colored treads, earning another round of screams. If this is what the grunge-metal scene was like, Jaskier had been missing out his entire life. Sure his fans were sweet and supportive and loving when he’d come out. But this was electric and feral and completely addictive.

Lambert struck the opening chord to Jaskier’s song and the crowd settled to a gentle hum, setting the tone immediately, as if they all knew exactly what was coming. 

Geralt closed his eyes as he tapped his thigh with one finger, keeping time before his rumbling baritone hit Jaskier like a freight train. 

“I’d be the voice that urged Orpheus when her body was found…”

Jaskier could have collapsed right there. He knew he was staring like a lovesick idiot, but hell, everyone around him was too. When the chorus hit and Eskel came in with a heavy bass line he nearly fell off his chair. Geralt’s intensity raised with the addition of the backup but he didn’t move. He stayed seated, swaying slightly, with his eyes closed as he crooned out the words Jaskier had sobbed as he wrote, broken hearted and miserable. 

It was surreal. 

Sure he’d seen other covers. Sure they’d been lovely. But he wanted to listen to this and only this as he fell asleep for the rest of his life. He’d never play it again if he could only hear it one more time. 

After the last verse Lambert launched into a guitar solo while Geralt jumped off the speaker and meandered to the center of the stage to slot his mic back in it’s stand. He gripped it like a lifeline when Lambert held one last note for as long as his instrument would allow and only started singing the last chorus when it was almost silent. 

“I won't deny I've got in my mind now all the things I would do

So I'll try to talk refined for fear that you find out how I'm imaginin' you

I won't deny I've got in my mind now all the things we could do

So I'll try to talk refined for fear that you find out how I'm imaginin' you”

His expression looked hopeless and utterly desperate as he crooned out the last two lines. He let his hair fall to cover his face and Jaskier could just barely hear his panting breath over the sound system as the crowd exploded. Geralt tipped his head back and took two deep breaths before straightening up and getting on with the show but Jaskier was stuck. 

He was vaguely aware of someone taking a picture of him, but he really couldn’t care less. The fact that Geralt moved right on to a song called ‘Burn Motherfucker Burn’ didn’t matter either. 

Jaskier jumped down from his arena seat, whipping out his phone and sending the band a tweet, because apparently that’s what musicians did now?

“Record it. Please. It’s either that or sing me to sleep every night. You choose.”

He stayed for the rest of the show and walked to his car in a haze. Before he backed out of his spot he checked his phone like always and his heart nearly stopped at the two top notifications. 

One public reply: “Both? -G”

And one direct message: “If you’re still here and want to grab a drink, I’m just backstage.” 

[yvixtrae]

7:46 PM

A/N: Not finished. This is just a little snippet/part one/whatever you wanna call it.

Felix’s large brown eyes peer out shyly from underneath his washed out blush-hued strands, his pointed black ears flattened almost in submission as he gnaws nervously on his already bleeding, raw-bitten lips. As he fiddles with his sweaterpaws from the cozy blue striped longsleeve of yours he’d decided to wear, you were still trying to wrap your head around the fact that he’d finally reached the end of his maturation and hit his late-blooming heat. 

“I… It’s not… Too much, like, trouble… Is it…??” He asks nervously, still curled in the nest he’d made on the bed, the scent of his slick heavily permeating the air within your shared room.

“It’s not any trouble to me at all, ‘Lixxie.” You answer softly, approaching the bed to sit by him, “I’ll be glad to help.”

As soon as you take a seat, he makes haste with trying to get into your lap and curl into you, a pained wince coming from him as he moves.

“It hurts that much, ‘Lixxie??” He gives a nod immediately, tail thrashing from side to side as a small whimper follows.

“Please, I don’t know what to do to make it stop…” Is all he gives for a response, and you can feel the intense fever radiating from him as he rests against you.

Taking a deep breath, you scratch lightly behind his ears, hoping to soothe him even slightly but earning a choked gasp from him instead as he tense slightly against you. Pausing your ministrations, you look down at him with a quirked eyebrow for a moment to mentally replay what had just happened before it clicks for you. Scratching again but with a bit more pressure, a drawn out whine escapes him and his tension gives way to faint trembling.

Pulling away slightly to take a glance at how he’s already seeming to fall apart in your hands, you notice an artificial strawberry tint adorning his cheeks alongside his freckles, and how his eyes have fluttered to a half-lidded sort of look.

“Does this help??” You start up with scratching at the spots behind his ears again and he gives a weak shake of his head.

“More.” Is all he replies with, voice shaky and the rhythm of his breathing faltering.

Nodding, you try to pull away so you’re able to lay him on his back in the center of the whole nesting sort of mess, but he instantaneously 

latches onto you with a desperation you didn’t know he had in him.

“I’m not going anywhere, sweetie. Don’t fret.” You croon softly to him as you place a soft kiss to the top of his head, “Just lay down for me, m’kay?? Can you do that for me ‘Lixxie??”

A hesitant nod from him is all you get, and he slowly lets go of you to lay down as you’d asked of him. You feel your heart nearly stutter in its rhythm as you look at him, messy strands splayed out, blood-stained lips barely parted to show his fangs, and lean form laid pilantly in nothing but your sweater and ready to ravish.

“Fuck… You’re such a pretty kitty…” You mumble the praise under your breath, letting a hand travel up his faintly quivering body, fingertips ghosting a trail all the way up his thigh to right under the hem of your shirt adorning him.

A submissive keen escapes him at your words and he can only look at you with a silent plead in his eyes. Not wasting any time, you pull the soft material up slightly, letting your hand lay against his skin for only a moment before making contact with his already erect length which results in him inhaling sharply. A heartbeat passes, then two, three. Only after you take those miniscule moments to try and collect yourself as well do you get to work with a slow and steady pace of stroking him, your free hand moving to pin his hips down to keep him from squirming too much. 

“It’s okay, ‘Lixxie. Shh…” You croon sweetly to try and help with soothing the pain you know is still shooting through his veins, “I’m here, I’ve got you. I’ll take care of this.”

He lets out a half-choked yowl, but settles a fair bit nonetheless. In a mere minute though, you’ve picked up the pace quite a bit with the deft flicks of your wrist as you add a hint of pressure, easily coaxing out the surprisingly high-pitched whimpers building in his throat much to his own dismay. Without warning though, his back arches at a nearly uncomfortable angle as he cums without any sound other than a sudden quiet, strained cry, a few splashes of white spurting out almost weakly only to land on your hand.

“Good boy…” You murmur gently to him, slowly bringing your ministrations to a halt after he seems to come down a bit from his high and jolts a bit at the slightest sense of still being touched, “You did good, ‘Lixxie.”

Shyness still remains in his eyes as he hesitantly meets your gaze, though there’s a spark of something else underneath as well. 

“Feeling any better??” You ask, keeping your voice soft.

He curls his arms up to his chest with his hands closed in a paw-like manner, breaking eye contact as he whispers his answer, “A little…”

A knowing smile plays at the corners of your mouth as you feel glad that you’d researched heats back when Felix had officially come of age in preparation, remembering that the textbook you’d read at the time mentioned that the only way to break a fever--though temporary until the heat itself comes to a close--is through enough sexual engagement, though the amount to break it varies hybrid to hybrid.

“More, that’s what you still need, right??” He glances at you only for a second before wiggling his hips subtly, and you get the unspoken hint.

The sweetly scented slick that’s continued to leak from him has noticeably soaked through at least the first blanket layer of the nest of sorts, and you shift forwards before leaning down over him to press your lips gingerly against his forehead, the contact lingering for barely a second before you hear a throaty, contented purr escape him. Pulling away slightly, you move your clean hand to cradle the side of his face, and you feel your heart warm at how he leans into your touch, one of his own delicate hands raising up to rest upon yours before nuzzling at your hand and giving your wrist rough kitten licks.

Letting some time tick by just to savor the feeling of how your heart flutters at how sweet your baby kitty is, it’s only when the start of what seems to be an unintentional slight pout makes its way onto his features as he lets his tail start thrashing as a display of mild discontentment that snaps you out of your lovestruck stupor and makes you pull back to resume taking care of his heat.

“More??” He sounds hopeful as you move back to your original sitting position.

“Of course, sweetie.” You hum, trailing you hand down again.

[xiolaperry]

The Piano - Chapter 9

Summary: Belle French and her daughter arrive in New Zealand to an arranged marriage with Gaston LeGume.  Gaston shows little interest in her or her piano and books. However, Mr. Gold is fascinated… (Rumbelling of the 1993 film “The Piano”)

Rating: E (for smut, dark subject matter and violence). Please note, this story earns its “E” rating beginning with this chapter.

Also available on AO3. 

--

Belle dashed down the path, heedless of the mud and branches, her surroundings a blur. Exhilaration filled her. She was running from her marriage, responsibilities, Gaston, and even, at the moment, Tilly. When was the last time she had done something just for herself? What waited for her at Mr. Gold's house? She burst through the door without knocking.

Gold woke when he heard boots stomping on his porch. He suspected it was Granny again, or perhaps she'd sent Kamira to beat some sense into him. When he opened his eyes and saw Belle, he sat up with a jolt. He hadn't expected to see her again. She stood in the doorway, chest heaving as she caught her breath. He forced himself to appear nonchalant, even though his heart was pounding at the sight of her. Hope blossomed and he squashed it down.

“What brings you here?”

No response other than her worried frown.

“Did you forget something?” He stood and tucked in his shirt. His shaking hands were a contrast to his casual questions.

“I haven't found anything of yours.”

Belle walked to where the piano had been. She turned in a slow circle until her gaze rested on him. Pain filled her face, and he didn't know why.

“The piano and books arrived unharmed?”

A nod.

“Does Gaston suspect any impropriety between us?”

She shook her head.

They were poised on the edge of a precipice. Neither one knew how to jump.

Gold ran his hand through his hair. “Would you like to sit?” he asked, falling back on politeness, trying to find a way forward. “I am going to sit down.”

He opened a cabinet and got out a fresh whiskey bottle. His head felt better this morning than it had any right to, but he didn't think he could face this without a drink. Collapsing into his chair, he picked up the teacup and caressed the rim, stopping at the chip. He put it down and poured a generous portion from the bottle. Belle raised an eyebrow at this. Gold shrugged.

“Would you like some?”

She dismissed his offer with a flutter of her hands.

He took a sip, then rubbed the bridge of his sharp nose, searching for words. To fall back on a quip or sarcasm was not an option. All that remained was honesty.

“Belle,” he began, “I am unhappy. I am unhappy because... I want you. My mind has seized on you and I can think of nothing else.” He paused, the words difficult to get out. He spread his hands, a sad smile on his face. “Love makes us sick, haunts our dreams, and destroys our days.”

His suffering distressed her. A painful lump formed in her throat.

“So if you've come here with no feelings for me, then go.”

Imagining he saw no response to his confession, his eyes hardened. “Please leave,” he said, indicating the door with a sharp tilt of his head. He'd opened himself up to her, at enormous effort, and gotten no answer. The least she could do would be to allow him to wallow in his despair in peace.

Belle could not move, could not respond. She never had anyone speak this plainly about their feelings before. No one had ever made themselves vulnerable to her. Mr. Gold was offering her his heart. He'd as much as taken it out of his chest and placed it before her as an offering. The choice of what to do with it was hers.

She trembled, tears welling. This man with his expressive eyes and gentle hands had crept into her psyche. He had shown her body unfamiliar senses and desires. Books, music, they lacked color without him.

Gold did not see this in her countenance. His usual negativity and self-loathing won out.

“Why did you come back? To learn my weaknesses? I knew you could never care for me.” His voice was thick with emotion. He stood up, unable to bear her scrutiny any longer. “Get. Out.”

Anger rose in Belle. Was he blind? Why would she be here, if not for him? Her frustrations exploded, and she strode over to Mr. Gold and slapped him across the face. He stared at her, shocked. Belle hit him again, beating against his chest with her tiny fists.

Gold softened in relief beneath her blows. Her burst of emotion gave him hope again, and he enfolded her in his arms. The pummeling stopped, and she collapsed against him. He nuzzled first with his nose, then his lips along the side of her graceful neck. She looked up at him, and he kissed her, claiming her, over and over. He took her sweet bottom lip between his and sucked on it, then slipped his tongue in her mouth.

Belle slid her hands up his back, down his sides, pausing at his waist, then found the rigid line of his cock pushing against his pants. He moaned and sucked at her tongue. The sound of his desperation for her, and his obvious arousal, inflamed her desire to a fever pitch. Frantic with need, she struggled with his clothes, pulling at his shirt. Buttons popped and flew. As he slid his arms out, she tugged at her jacket, then unbuttoned her dress as fast as she could.

Gold abandoned her mouth and hungrily kissed his way down her throat. Impatient, he dropped to his knees. Belle yanked her dress away and stood in her hoops, petticoats, and corset. He ducked underneath them, ignoring the pain in his leg. He pulled her stockings down, then sucked and licked a path up her thigh, burying his face in her scent.

Belle felt as though she might burst into flames, consumed by his hunger. Dizzy, she unhooked her corset and dropped her hoops, first rushing then calmer as her heated skin met the cooler air. Gold's stubbled cheek brushed against the skin of her thigh, his lips and tongue searching. The unfamiliar sensations threatened to overwhelm her.

His thumbs parted her, then his tongue slid through her wetness, and she blushed. She hadn’t done this before, had never been kissed and licked there.

Sensing her hesitation, he paused. “Sweetheart, you are delicious. Let me show you...” He kept circling, the tip of his tongue applying pressure all around where she was most sensitive. Calloused fingers stroked and teased through swollen folds. When he sank a finger in her and felt the extent of her arousal, he groaned.

She rolled her hips, all shyness gone, the pleasure so fierce she feared she might fall. Loud, panting breaths escaped her mouth, the wonderful sound of them exciting Gold even further. He crooked his finger inside her, pressing in time with his rubbing tongue, which swirled and circled.

His mouth sucked at her pearl and her entire body tightened, building to a crescendo that vibrated to her core. Stars exploded behind her eyes as a shock of rapture hit her, then eased off in cascading waves. He stroked her, gentle and reverent, bringing her down from her high. Amazed at the response of her body, she grinned, radiant.

She helped Gold to his feet, impatient to explore his body. He had shown her ecstasy never before imagined, and she was eager to find out what else he could teach her. Laughter followed her frenzied attack on his pants. He pulled his trousers down and stood before her naked, cock jutting at attention. Belle pushed him down on the bed and crawled over top. He lifted his hand to touch her, but she caught it in hers and pressed it down. What could she do with him, could she inflame him as much as he had excited her?

“Is it your turn?” he asked.

She tapped his nose with mock seriousness. He grabbed her hand and kissed it, then remained still. If she needed this exploration, she would have it. Lust for this fearless woman filled him, and he throbbed, aroused beyond all reason.

Belle ran her hands down his chest, her face rapt. His skin was smooth and tan, a dusting of brown and silver hair forming a trail she followed with kisses. Flat, dark nipples distracted her, and she kissed them as well to see what his reaction would be. She was not disappointed. They knotted and tightened, just like hers when he'd caressed them. Biting them, she became more aggressive, and he quivered. The muscles in his arms flexed, and his fists clenched the sheets. He breathed slowly through his mouth, keeping control.

Her hands traveled in a circle, then figure eights, up to his collarbones, around his chest, down to his stomach and navel. The next pass took her lower.

She slid down his legs to get a better look at the flesh that throbbed thick and hot beneath her. She had never seen this part of a man in daylight. Her previous encounter, if you could even call it that, had been in the dark and over quickly.

Ever curious, she traced the vein on the underside up and down, then rubbed at the moisture that had beaded at the slit. Gold kept his hips pressed down against the mattress, the need to thrust overwhelming. He wanted her to explore to her heart's content. To be the object of her fascination was worth the frustration. The sight of her small hand wrapped around his cock almost ended her explorations. He closed his eyes, determined not to come.

She stroked him, up and down, the heat building. When her hot, wet tongue tentatively swirled the head he could endure no more. “I must have you, I cannot wait any longer. Please,” he said in a strangled voice.

In charge, sitting astride him, she knew he would do whatever she wished. His unashamed desire, and his willingness to wait for her permission, aroused her anew, and she wanted a repeat of the pleasure he had shown her before. She nodded and kissed him, nibbling at his lips. It was all the encouragement he needed.

He flipped them over, her slight form making him feel strong. His face caressed her breasts, his shaggy hair tickling her. Her silent giggles stopped when he drew her nipple into his mouth, sucking hard. Their playfulness turned to passion.

Unable to wait any longer, he spread her legs, the heat of her like nearing a furnace. He guided the blunt head of his cock to her entrance, pressing where she was slick and slippery. He marveled at how wet she was, how aroused, for him.

Belle shuddered, and he grabbed her hips to keep her still as he slid inside. She clenched him tight, her body rocking to meet him. He rubbed above where they were joined, his fingertip pressing and sliding. She panted and shook, bringing him to the brink, her responsiveness causing him to push deeper, circling his hips and grinding against her.

He wanted to be gentle, but the time for gentleness was past. Urgency gripped them both, and he thrust over and over and over, pounding relentlessly. She tightened around his length, her mouth open in a silent scream of ecstasy. His back arched. Crying out, he buried himself deep inside, spasming and shuddering with pleasure, the pressure at the base of his cock unfurling and spreading across his skin, like wildfire consuming him.

He collapsed on her, exhausted. Breathing in tandem, sweaty and trembling, they rolled on their sides to face each other in the morning light, dazed and overcome by the intensity of the experience. Foreheads touching, sharing each others air, nothing else existed.

End Note: More music from the film on youtube.

[lanseax]

“this is new” supercorp

“This is new.” (this got long my bad)

Kara stands in a circle with Lena and Alex by her sides. Around them are nearly thirty armed Cadmus robots ready to fire. Their arms are raised and Kara hears the click as every one of them turns on whatever weaponry they have. Kara slowly moves to look over her shoulder.

“On my signal, both of you need to duck.” Kara’s voice is barely a whisper but both Alex and Lena look at her and nod. 

Alex slowly slips her gun back into its holster and starts to bend down. Lena steps to the side and starts to crouch. As Kara shouts both of them drop to the floor and Kara releases a beam of heat vision. She just hovers above the ground by an inch or two and uses the lift’s momentum to spin herself in a circle, the heat vision slices through the robots' metal and she lowers herself back to the ground. The small tremor she makes is enough to jostle the robots and their sliced bodies start to slip from position, causing all of them to crumble to the ground. 

The bots clatter and clang to the ground with loud collisions and a few of their weapons fire into the air. Alex and Lena start to rise back up, Alex touches her ear to let the DEO know the room is clear. Kara turns on her heel to face Lena, she runs her hands up and down Lena’s arms.

“Are you okay?” She looks at Lena’s face and assesses for injuries. 

“Kara-” Lena speaks but Kara is still invested in checking Lena for injuries.

Her eyes look Lena up and down with her Xray vision, “I don’t see anything broken.”

“Kara-”

Kara puts the back of her hand on Lena’s forehead. “No fever.”

“Kara!” Lena shouts and finally gets her attention. 

Kara looks at her with wide eyes and an expectancy but Lena simply points to Kara’s chest. Kara looks down to below the large emblazoned ‘S’ on her chest and to the left a few inches is a gaping hole. No blood comes from it and as Kara puts a hand to her midsection she feels a dull heat emit from the wound.

“Well, this is new.”

Kara winces and blinks in confusion, it’s then that her legs start to shake and her arms are quaking. Lena is a step ahead and kneels down as Kara starts to fall to the ground. 

“Alex!” Lena shouts, she rips off her coat and starts pressing it to the wound.

Kara lunges forward when pressure is put on the wound and she grips Lena’s wrist a little too hard. Lena ignores the pain as she tries to keep the wound covered. Kara’s grip starts to waiver the longer she holds Lena’s wrist. Alex comes running over, multiple DEO agents on her heel. 

The warehouse fills with a crackling sound before it silences and an electronic voice familiar to Lena sounds through the entire building.

“Oh, it’s a party now. Lena, darling, thank you for bringing me both Danvers sisters. I was worried I would have to waste more drones but it’s so much easier when I can kill two Danvers with one stone.” Lillian’s electronic voice clicks and crackles as it echoes through the warehouse. “Kara, if you can still hear me, that was a very smart move. Taking all of the drones down like that but you couldn’t have foreseen the auto firing mechanism should the drones be destroyed.”

Alex waves a DEO agent over. “Find where that’s coming from and get me a medical team here now!”

Alex pulls a small knife from her suit and Lena moves her hand from the wound. The super suit has blackened and charred around the wound and Alex doesn’t even need to cut the suit, the burnt material falls away with minimal pressure. The wound is as wide as a thumb and around Kara’s impenetrable skin is a still smoking burn mark. 

“Your medical team won’t make it, I’m sorry. You see these drones didn’t have bullets, no. No, bullets leave too much of a mess. We’ve developed a new form of kryptonite, energized and synthesized very much like our good dead friend Metallo’s kryptonite chest battery but this is small enough to power weapons with beams of kryptonite energy. No bullet casings left behind and half as noisy-”

One of the DEO agents holds up a loose wire to show he shut the speakers down but another crackle sounds and Lillian’s voice continues. 

“Well, that was quite rude. I guess we’ll just wrap this up then won’t we, Lena I’m truly sorry you threw your hat in with this lot. You could have been so much more. Goodbye, ladies!”

Lena and Alex look around them as the split bots start to blink rapidly and a loud high pitch whine starts to sound from the bots. Alex lifts up her wrist to see her watch and with two taps her own watch sends a noise higher in pitch than the bots. Lena only has to wait a mere second until she sees what Alex has done. From the roof, Superman and J’onn J’onzz come to their aide. Superman lifts Kara from Lena’s lap. Lena reaches out for her but a martian’s hand wraps around her waist and pulls her close. J’onn and Superman leap and burst into the air as the warehouse below them explodes into pieces. Lena watches as the DEO agents from before are all standing securely outside as the warehouse burns in a green flame. 

Lena wakes in bed a week or so later, Kara’s arms securely wrapped around her in their penthouse in National City. Lena rolls so she’s facing Kara, her head rests against Kara’s chest and she listens to the heartbeat that has become her lullaby. One hand runs up Kara’s shirt to just below her breast, a thumb rubs at the uneven surface and it earns a mumble from the sleeping giant next to her. 

Kara’s eyes are slow to open as she wakes but her smile grows without hesitancy. “Good morning.”

Lena simply hums as she feels Kara against her. Kara settles a hand over Lena’s above her shirt. She leans in and gently places a kiss on Lena’s forehead. 

“I’m okay,” Kara whispers. 

Lena’s made a habit the past week of waking with shouts and screams as the sight of a pale-faced Kara haunts her dreams. Kara can tell her she’s fine every minute of the day but Lena feels a small black monster in the pit of her stomach because she almost wasn’t. They almost died and Kara seems okay with it.

Her hand weaves out of Kara’s grasp and her thumb grazes the uneven textured skin of Kara that adorns her previously unblemished skin. The hole had healed with the help of the sun lamp and some tissue regeneration technology but it scarred. It was the one scar the invulnerable Girl of Steel wore and it was a constant fear in Lena’s mind. 

“I don’t want to lose you,” Lena whispers, mainly to herself but she knows Kara will hear her.

Kara pulls Lena closer. “I know. That’s why Winn’s making a new suit. The material will be lined with some fancy absorption technology. Lillian will have to shoot me with a rocket of kryptonite to penetrate this suit.”

Lena pulls back and looks up with Kara with complete disbelief that she said that. Kara winces and nods her head, “Bad analogy, yep, got it. No rockets.”

Lena rolls her eyes and shakes her head before pressing her ear back to Kara’s heartbeat. 

“I like when you listen to my heartbeat,” Kara whispers to Lena.

Lena smiles softly. “Why?”

“Cause it calms you, I can see you visibly loosen when you know I’m still here. It’s like how your heartbeat affects me. I’ll listen for you in the middle of a fight or on a bad day at the office and you’re always there, living, smiling, loving.” Kara runs a hand up and down Lena’s back.

“For you. I will always live and smile and love for you.” Lena moves to nuzzle into Kara’s neck. 

Kara smiles and places another kiss on the top of Lena’s head. “And so will I, for you.”

[jessicanjpa]

Into the Sunset

Finally done the Jasper one-shot I’ve been working on!  It got pretty long but I’m still posting it here as promised.  Since I rarely write post-BD I ended up including lots of little headcanons that nicely accompany the storyline.  Enjoy :)

Summary: Ten years after Breaking Dawn, Jasper’s life is fuller than he ever could have imagined.  But there’s one dream he’s held close to his heart this whole time: to ride a horse again.

Rating: T     Word Count: 7k

Jasper POV

It was strange enough that Renesmee and Jacob had invited Alice and me out to their place to hunt, and nobody else.  But the real mystery was Alice’s level of anticipation.  

“No, no!  The blue one!” She snatched the shirt I had chosen out of my hands, instantly replacing it with one of her twenty-seven favorite shirts and looking up at me with the golden eyes she knew I couldn’t resist. “Please?”

I side-grinned and reached back up into the closet without looking, letting my fingers rest on a button-down dress shirt that I knew would offend her color scheme for today. “What’ll you give me?”

The next thing I knew she had me scrunched into the darkest corner of the closet, pinning me to the wall with a kiss.  “I’ll give you nothing if you don’t wear it,” she threatened softly, her voice tickling my ear.  I closed my eyes for just a second, reveling in her desire, then donned the blue shirt.

“You’re a tough negotiator, ma’am,” I grumbled cheerfully, following her into the bathroom.  She was already rummaging deep into her “blue tones” makeup bag.  I folded my arms and leaned against the wall for a time, watching her with amusement as her excitement bubbled over into a fever pitch.  Gift or not, the fact that she was doing her makeup at human speed was a dead giveaway.

“So?”

“So what?”

“So what’s the surprise?”

She glanced at me in the mirror.  “There’s no surprise, why?”

I smiled at her reflection and pulled away from the wall, swaggering closer.  I wrapped my arms around her shoulders, bending to kiss the side of her neck.  “You’re a terrible liar,” I said in her ear, willing her to relax.  “That’s one of the things I love most about you, you know.”

“I know,” she said lightly, wringing one hand free to finish her makeup.

“What’s the surprise?” I asked again, pulling at her resistance more with every second.

She ignored me at first, but then spun around in my arms.  “Don’t you dare!  Nessie’s been working on this for… hmph.”  She clamped her mouth shut, growling deep in her throat.

I chuckled, releasing her fully.  “Well now we’re getting somewhere.”

“And you’re really going to love it, so no more cheating, if you please.”  Her excitement softened, blending with some of the ingredients her love for me was made of. We rested our palms together and then pulled them away, leaving only our fingertips touching.  We merely stared for what felt like our own private eternity, making love in that deeper language that barely requires any touch at all. I finally drew her closer.

“I put on the blue shirt,” I reminded her softly. She reached up in slow motion to finger the collar, lifting her face to ask for a kiss.

“So you did.”

.

.

.

We took the Ducati out to Renesmee and Jacob’s place.  It was still running like it had when it was new… better, actually.  Rosalie had kept up her usual regimen, and I had made a few adjustments myself.  This had to be the best bike I had ever owned, and I had owned quite a few over the years.  It handled “like a dream,” as Rosalie liked to put it, and as a scrambler, it couldn’t be beat.

I had never much liked riding inside a regular vehicle.  Everything was too cramped, too crowded, and far too loud and smelly.  And if you wanted to go off road, then what?  Motorcycles were as close as I’d ever get to being on horseback again.  Give me a vehicle that springs to life at the lightest touch.  That leaves me feeling free, leaves the stink of the machinery far behind.  There wasn’t much to be done about the noise, but the Ducati purred like a cougar, and that was good enough for me.

I’d tried the real thing a couple of times—riding a horse—once when I was new and once after switching to animal blood.  The first attempt went pretty badly, since I was still so wild.  The horse spooked almost immediately, which made me all the more desperate to make it work.  It went downhill from there, ending in a classic newborn temper tantrum that left me with a dead horse, two dead “siblings,” and a lot of explaining to do.

I decided to try again back in the seventies when I was out alone one day.  According to Peter, my scent had mellowed somewhat by the time he and Charlotte first met the family in ’69.  His theory was that the animal diet was diluting my scent along with my strength… according to him, a sure sign of a bad end to come.   Of how it just wasn’t meant to be.  Well, I hadn’t noticed myself smelling any different, and even if I did, Carlisle had all kinds of hypotheses about how our scents worked themselves out physiologically.  It wasn’t necessarily the blood.  Regardless, I figured that if Peter was right, then I might have better luck with the horse thing.  

So I tried again.  I even waited until the clouds had winked out the direct sunlight, just in case that had been part of the problem before. I took my time inching closer, and at first it seemed all right, but when I was within twenty feet it started sidestepping away.  Every time I moved, it moved.  I finally gave up and made a jump for it.  For a few exciting rodeo moments I thought it was going to work out, but it didn’t.  The horse calmed down, but its heart rate was dangerously high, and it was shivering in terror.  Never mind going anywhere.  I finally took pity on the poor thing and made myself scarce.  

Alice had never said anything about it. I still didn’t know if she had been watching right then.  But I had told her, back in that first couple of years alone together, how much I missed riding.  She hadn’t really understood.  How could she?  It really was a shame, though.  What I wouldn’t give to ride again.  To fly past the horizon with the feel of the wind in my hair… the soft drumbeat of hooves the only sound in the whole world.  To feel that synergy my horse Patch and I had felt in my human days, how we would become one in a sense, almost reading each other’s thoughts, whether we were saving each other’s lives in battle or just racing toward the sunset. The friendship, even.  Many of my most vivid human memories were of Patch: bringing him into the world just as the mare died, riding alone or with the others, or whispering my worries and dreams to him in the moonlight when the rest of my regiment was asleep.

I had asked Maria, after that first attempt, if she thought we could transform horses.  She said she had tried changing a couple animals before, but that it hadn’t worked.  It had been of our friendlier conversations, laughing over the possibilities: red-eyed horses leaping over buildings, cute little rabbits who could take down a human, wrestling matches with vampire alligators, things like that.   But the bottom line was, I’d never ride again, and that was a hard blow.  

“You’re doing that on purpose, aren’t you?” Alice scolded me, anxiously holding herself out to the right as I took a curve at an ungodly speed.  I guess my reminiscing had been playing itself out.  I laughed and gunned it into the next curve.  She shrieked and leaned out in the opposite direction—as if her weight would do anything!  She wasn’t scared of going off the cliff or wrecking the bike; she was afraid I’d ruin her outfit before Renesmee got to see it.  But she loved it, too.  We both did.

“Maybe,” I admitted, not at all sorry.  This was as close as I’d ever get to my wish: even more than the riding itself, this was what I wanted.  To feel her snug behind me as I rode, gripping her slender arms around me, lining her legs up with mine as we explored whatever was over the next hill.  To feel her pressing closer when she decided to get scared, even shrieking in my ear to slow down when we both knew she wanted me to go faster.

I finally left the road to cut the last corner off our trip, earning myself another round of scolding when the mud finally found us.  I thought, for just a second, about risking the little ridge off to the west that would give us a particularly beautiful view of Renesmee’s property, but it really was too steep and too muddy today.  I didn’t want to push my luck, particularly when it came to muddying The Outfit, because there’d be hell to pay.  It was the latest of Alice’s creations that would be kicking off her new online boutique.  Renesmee was only the website manager, but that didn’t stop her from chattering over designs with her boss.

This was the first time Renesmee and Jacob had lived apart from the family.  When they had first married back in Oregon, Esme had presented them with a cottage that was the twin of the new one she had built for Edward and Bella. But when we had moved here to Colorado they had decided to live a little closer to town than we cared to, and it was obvious they wanted a little more space from everyone.  Jacob, especially, had been itching to open his own garage. Half his customers were from out of town anyway, bringing their rusty old classics for restoration, but he still preferred that small-town feel of having plenty of business on a first-name basis.  

We slowed as we passed the row of farms next to theirs.  The air was filled with the rich aromas of growing crops and animals, as well as the accompanying humans.  I swallowed the venom, reminding myself that I had gone almost twenty years now… a new record.  Besides, I didn’t think Renesmee would appreciate me snacking on her neighbors. She and Jacob were actually friends with them.

Her property finally came into view.  They had bought an abandoned farm at the end of the road, situated just past the end of the pavement.  Easy directions for the human guests to remember, and it was less than a quarter mile from the edge of the woods.  I took a deep sniff over toward the trees to see what my dinner might be, but the farm smells were too overwhelming.  To say nothing of the ripe stink of werewolf.  My longing to visit the next-door-neighbors to borrow a cup of blood was gone instantly.  

The buildings seemed to be in pretty good shape, thanks to Esme, no doubt.  Alice and I were the last ones to come out here.  We hadn’t meant to wait so long, but whenever we had tried to plan a visit, things had kept coming up.  But they usually came over to see everyone at once anyway.

I wondered what this surprise was.  I wasn’t usually the one getting presents; everyone knew I didn’t like collecting useless junk.  Knowing Renesmee, it was probably a trip to see some little piece of history she had discovered: a preserved 19th-century log cabin, a little out-of-the-way museum, maybe something to do with one of the Native American tribes that used to live here.  

Renesmee and I had a special bond, going back to her second year.  I hadn’t known what to do with her when she was a baby, and truth be told, I was still watchful for something to go wrong.  She was all kinds of unnatural.  Each time she had one of those impossible growth spurts, physical or mental, my instincts had shivered even as I smiled along with everyone else… and I wasn’t the only one.  We were well past the danger of Bella giving birth to a monster, but that didn’t mean everything would be smooth sailing from then on out, especially when it came to her self-control.  But like the others, I was consistently blown away by how well things were going. There would be problems later on when she hit age six, but nothing outrageous.

Still, in that first year, I hadn’t interacted with her too much.  I wasn’t really the dolls-and-tea-party type of uncle, even if those tea parties including giggly recitations of Georgian-era literature. And she had changed a bit after the confrontation with the Volturi; nearly having your whole family executed because of your existence will do that to a kid.  She wasn’t afraid of me after that, exactly, but my scars were an uncomfortable reminder that I had once belonged to the darker side of the vampire world… the one she had brushed a little too closely against.  I often caught her staring at them.  And though I tried not to do it, she had sometimes caught me hanging back when the others gathered close and fussed and cooed over her latest stroke of genius.  I think she knew that I was generally a little less safe than the others, even then.

But she had also won my heart, there was no denying it.  Ever since meeting Alice, my life had been one of good surprises, and the fact that my niece could even exist was just the latest one.  But it was more than that; she seemed to have a way of thinking and feeling that full vampires didn’t.  I could sometimes feel her backtracking as she soaked up new knowledge, so easily rearranging her opinions and feelings about things.  She belonged in so many different worlds all at once… it gave her a unique ability to see different perspectives and react accordingly, and I admired that.  That, more than anything, was what finally put me at ease when it came to her future. Renesmee seemed to notice the change, and began asking me to do little things with her: teach her to play chess, explain a word in a book she was reading, come hunting when it was just her and Bella.  That last one was a little sad, because I could feel the anxiety behind her request, but I was happy to grant it.  And there was something irresistible about a kid of any species tugging on your shirtsleeve, silently asking you to bend down so she could ask you a question via her telepathic gift.  

Then one evening, when we happened to be alone in the living room, I had caught her studying me in that tilted-head puzzlement that all our kind tended towards.  I asked her what was on her mind, and, after a few moments of thought and indecision, she said she had been wondering if I had owned any slaves back when I was human.

I was a little taken aback, because it was a topic that didn’t come up often.  History was certainly one of my favorite pastimes, and we were all old enough for our own memories to qualify as “history,” so there was often plenty of chatter in the house about various eras and countries and movements and things.  There were some taboo items, based on personal prerogative and on the fact that there was a child listening now.  My participation in the Civil War wasn’t really one of them, but by this point it had all been said, and the others had usually tiptoed around the messier parts of my past. I didn’t see the point, but it made them more comfortable, so I let it be.  Carlisle was usually the one I was discussing history at length with anyway, and those discussions were usually theoretical.

So I was impressed, as adults often are with children, that she had skipped right over the rules and flat out asked me what she wanted to know.  I responded in kind, launching into an hour-long lecture about cultural incapacity and its ugly role in American history… and in my own.  She listened without interruption, soaking it all in until Edward finally came downstairs, radiating disapproval and telling Renesmee it was past her bedtime.

“She's just a child,” he muttered under his breath when she had gone upstairs to tell everyone goodnight. “Couldn’t you have toned it down a bit?”

“She’s never been just a child,” I shot back, loud enough for her to hear.  “Give her some credit.”

I had officially won Renesmee’s trust that night: trust that I wouldn’t baby her like the others did sometimes, at least when it came to answering her questions.  Whenever she realized that something was being kept from her, or felt smothered by the village that was raising her, I was quick to take her side.  Sometimes, in her older years, I was the one to find her when she had run off for a cry, to sit in companionable silence until she was ready to talk, if she wanted to.   When it was a true matter of safety, I would sometimes turn traitor to the cause, but I was usually forgiven.

Back in the months that had followed after that first evening lecture, Renesmee’s play-learning evolved into more organized studies.  Each member of the family, and occasionally some of the Quileutes, took over the tutoring in various subjects: science with Carlisle, art with Alice, literature with Bella, and so on.  I took on history and sociology.  That second year of her life—our last in Forks—was a special time for the family, where most of us physically retreated from the human world to focus on what was truly important.  

But that time also brought us closer to the human world, in a way, as we all scrambled to more fully understand the subjects we were supposedly experts in.  I had already enjoyed reading about world history, but now I was obliged to get caught up and take more than a passing interest in current affairs for her sake.  And while I still couldn’t muster much enthusiasm beyond the theoretical for myself, it was a wonder to watch her sponge-like little mind unfold and open to understand the larger world she lived in.  To help form that understanding… help prepare her to become a part of that world when the time was right.  Because it was soon obvious that Renesmee would have both the freedom and the desire to move freely out in that world, and to truly be a part of it in her own way. She would always be a part of the family, and in some ways the center of that family, but she was also half-human. She belonged in their world as much as she did in ours.  Even now, she was just beginning to spread those wings.  The property she and Jacob had taken, technically in town but on the edge, was a pretty accurate representation of that commencement.

“Hey guys!” she called from the front door as we walked up.  She leapt off the porch and dashed up to meet us, her Edward-colored curls bouncing to keep up with her.  I smiled to feel her unique love and stood back while she and Alice did their usual high-pitched fussing over hair, clothes, etc., then I got my hug.  She was being careful not to touch my skin.  She squeezed me an extra second, then pulled away with a mischievous grin.  “We’ve got a surprise for you, Jazz.”

“For me?” I echoed, feigning a double take.

“Liar,” she pouted, turning to Alice.  “You told him, didn’t you?”

Alice shook her head, glaring up at me.  “No, but he did weasel it out of me that the surprise was from you.”

“Shame,” Renesmee scolded me, sliding over to Alice’s side in conspiracy.  “I think we should make him wait just for that, don’t you?”

“No way,” Alice protested. “You know I can’t keep a secret this big for very long.”

Now they really had me interested.  A quick trip to a historical site didn’t qualify as a big surprise.  I reached for Renesmee’s hand to sneak a peek into her mind, moving slowly enough for her to dart away if she chose, which she did.

“Oh no you don’t! Dinner first.  JAKE!” she called back toward the barn.  Alice and I followed her over to where Jacob was just closing up shop.  I recognized Esme’s handiwork, since she had worked on the blueprints and sketches back at home when she had been restoring the barn.  Jacob closed the hood of a sparkling black Mustang and raised a grimy hand in greeting.

“Hey bloodsuckers,” he called out cheerfully.

“Well, if it isn’t the family dog,” I called back, grinning.  We exchanged our usual nods—our interspecies version of a high five.  No point in getting smellier than we had to.

“So what do you think?” he asked, wiping off his hands and joining us out in the wide driveway.  

“Good country.  Seems like the perfect spot,” I answered, nodding over toward the woods.  “Are you getting enough business way out here?”

“It’s slow,” he admitted, glancing sheepishly out at the empty parking spaces Esme had delegated to Emmett during the renovation.  “But I’m just getting started, and half my customers so far are from out of town anyway. There’s an old run-down body shop in town, so I’m not trying to step on any toes.  So,” he added, waggling his eyebrows. “Figured it out yet?”

“You’re in on this too?”

“Everyone’s in on it,” he teased, wrapping a meaty arm around Renesmee’s shoulders as she and Alice caught up.  She was buzzing with excitement now, just like Alice was.  Even Jacob was eager to get this going. “C’mon, let’s hunt.” He gave his bride a peck on the cheek and disappeared around the back of the barn, taking off his shirt as he went. Renesmee watched after him for a moment, braiding her hair into a quick rope down her back and tying it off.  She seemed happy.  I hadn’t realized how much I had missed having her, and even Jacob, around.  

We sprinted for the woods, joined a moment later by the enormous russet-red wolf that had truly earned a place in the Cullen family.  Renesmee somersaulted through the air to land on his back, and off they went in their own direction.  Alice and I shared a nostalgic smile, glad to see that some things hadn’t changed.

Alice didn’t feed; she was too worked up.  I made short work of a black-tailed deer, just enough to take the edge off in case the surprise involved human company.  Instead of burying the corpse I let out a shrill whistle, letting Jacob know where I was in case he wanted to have the meat.  He showed up in less than a minute, wolfing down the biggest chunks while Alice and I gave him some space.  When Renesmee found us and the carcass was buried, we returned to the farm, taking our time while Jacob went ahead to change.  It was a cloudy afternoon with a strong breeze coming down from the hills.  

“Over here,” Renesmee said once Jacob was back, steering us toward the town. But we slowed to a stop as soon as we hit the next farm.  The strong scent of horse overpowered the other smells, and no wonder; the back of their property was outlined with electrical fencing designed to keep in the residents. I counted five horses grazing contentedly, and was pretty sure there were at least three more non-human heartbeats coming from the stables.  “They’re boarders,” Renesmee explained, going off to the right to follow the fencing. The horses perked up as one by one they noticed our presence.  Two of them shied almost immediately, heading to the spot farthest away.

Renesmee took a running leap over the fence, motioning for us all to follow her. “It’s all right, they’re not home.”

Two of the three remaining horses got pretty upset to see and smell a line of monsters jumping into their backyard.  But I almost didn’t care; it just felt so… right, to be standing here inside the fence and the cloud of horsey scent, hearing the soft hoofbeats on the grass and dirt.  

“They look well cared for,” I murmured, running my hand along a stretch of real railroad tie fence that ran to the main gate.  The weathered wood felt familiar.  I could never live this close to humans… but what I wouldn’t give to have this next door.  Maybe this was why Renesmee had chosen this particular property?  She had always loved animals in a little-girl kind of way. Her room had gone through all kinds of phases: horse posters, unicorn figurines, intricate butterfly drawings, a dozen stuffed wolves, you name it.  She had gone through dozens of pets, half of which had somehow ended up living at the main house.  When she was five and visited the Amazon Coven, she had come back and redone her room into a mini-rainforest, complete with wildlife.  When she tired of our history lessons she had always pestered me for stories about my adventures with Patch.  I had to make most of them up, since I’d run out of real ones so soon. I could definitely see her picking this place just for the horses next door.

Alice tugged at my arm gently.  “Let’s take a closer look.”

I shook my head.  “Won’t work, darlin’.  They’re like deer; our scent is just too much for them.  If we keep still for a while they might get back to grazing.”

We held still for several minutes, and sure enough, the horses timidly came back out.  There was one who had stood his ground the whole time, though he had also been the farthest away to begin with.  He actually meandered closer as he grazed, seemingly unimpressed by our intrusion.  

“That’s a brave one,” I said softly, pointing him out to the others.

“Yeah,” Renesmee said.  Then she held out her hand toward him.  “Here, Thunder.  C’mere boy…”

And that horse came, just as calm as you please.  He trotted right up to her and nuzzled her hand like he was looking for a treat. She scratched under his chin, smiling back at me.  

I let out a low whistle.  “I don’t believe it.  I knew animals were a little easier around you, but this…”

“Oh, we’re old friends,” she said with a sparkle in her eye.  The feeling of eagerness that had been bouncing around between her, Alice, and Jacob spiked suddenly.  “Why don’t you come say hello?”

“I wish I could, Ness.  But I’ve tried before.”

Alice tugged at my arm again, harder this time.  “I know you have.  Come on.”

I didn’t want to break the fence, so I let me pull me forward.  Thunder shied a little as we drew closer, but he didn’t jump away like he should.

“Take it slow,” Jacob suggested.

I didn’t understand it.  We inched closer, and Thunder was alert and watchful, but he just didn’t seem to be afraid at all.  Soon I was standing right in front of him, his big dark eyes staring right into mine from under long lashes.  I slowly reached up and laid my hand on his neck.  He shivered once, flicking his tail, but stayed still.  In fact, he seemed to lose interest in me altogether, snorting over toward Renesmee as if to scold her for the treat sham.

“I think he likes you,” Alice pronounced with authority.  I just shook my head in wonder, stroking the warm, shining coat.  He was a little smaller than the Saddlebreds and Walkers that had been so popular back in my day, but he was broad and well-muscled… a glistening seal brown all over, with just one white sock.  I dared to reach even higher, and he lowered his head obligingly so I could rub his forehead.  His huge heart thudded on without a hitch.  I let my fingers tangle in his forelock, scratching him between the ears like I used to do with Patch.  I turned to Renesmee.

“How…?”

She shrugged, but she was beaming inside and out.  “I guess when a horse grows up next door to a vampire hybrid and a werewolf, he’s kind of over the scent thing. I’ll explain more later, Jazz. Why don’t you take him for a ride?”

I dropped my hand.  “Now that’s—”

“Would you stop looking a gift horse in the mouth?” Jacob grunted.  “Go get the damn saddle.”

“Second one from the right,” Renesmee added.  “And you’ll want to look in the cupboard just overhead.”

“It won’t work,” I insisted.

“Yes it will,” Alice laughed.  “And we have all afternoon, and then some.”  She felt truly confident, and full of relief and happiness as she watched me. Unbelievable.  

I ran my hand down his neck once more, then gently took hold of the rope bridle. He didn’t budge.

“Stables, Thunder,” Renesmee said softly.  “Go on now.”

It was like magic.  He shook his head once in disapproval, but he didn’t really try to shake me off.  He came easily, nodding and looking back at the other horses.  They moved further away as we passed.

I didn’t want to take him inside, where my scent would be too much in the still air.  As I had expected, the two horses that had been hiding in their stalls took one sniff and headed out to pasture.  Still, they hadn’t really bolted, and Thunder himself seemed right at home, having followed me halfway inside.  I was the one who was overwhelmed by the scent, not him; the air was heavy with molding hay and horse manure. It made me feel like the sixteen-year-old human I had been so very long ago, standing in the stables of my own ranch.  The saddle was a stranger to me, though… too many cinches, the skirt was barely there, and I couldn’t begin to make sense of the rigging.

“Well, Thunder… it’s just you and me.  Let’s see how you feel about this.”  The bridle and saddle felt far too light and flexible to my hands, though I supposed that could be due to my strength.

Thunder didn’t seem interested.  I opened the worn-out cupboard above the empty hook and almost laughed to find a box of sugar cubes.  I wondered if the humans really kept this here, or if Renesmee had taken it straight out of my stories.  I stashed a handful in my shirt pocket and held one out to Thunder.  He lipped it out of my fingers without hesitation.

“Good boy,” I murmured, feeling a knot in my throat.  I led him back outside, where the others were watching with big proud smiles, but giving us our space.  It was easy after that, save for my own unfamiliarity with the saddle and the worry that I’d cinch it too tight.  The bridle was easy because there was no bit.  I took a deep breath for good luck and mounted.  

“Told you,” Alice sang under her breath, though I couldn’t tell whether she was talking to me or Renesmee.  

Thunder began moving before I even took the reins. My knees did most of the work, urging him into a light trot out onto the grass.  We cut a wide circle around the pasture, scaring off his stablemates again.  I dug in a little harder on the way back, listening carefully to his pulse to make sure I wasn’t doing anything wrong.  He picked up into a gentle canter without a problem, slowing again as we approached the others.  Renesmee shoved the gate open, gesturing out toward the hills with a flourish.  “It’s okay,” she assured me.  “We’ve taken him out before.”

I shook my head in wonder, urging him forward again.  He hesitated inside the gate for just a second, looking back toward the house like a kid about to steal a cookie.  Then he took off.

I stopped breathing, feeling lost as I tried to catch the rhythm.  For the first time in my life, my vampire body felt heavy and awkward, jarring with the human instincts that were resurfacing. Thunder slowed a bit, fully aware of my difficulty, and scolded me over his shoulder with a long, nickering laugh.  

“Give me a minute,” I said, patting his neck.  “It’s been a while.  A hundred and fifty-four years.”  He nickered again, softer this time.  “That’s very decent of you,” I answered politely.

I let him explore the back fields of Renesmee’s farm as he liked, alternating between a canter and a running walk.  He seemed to know his way around.  I held myself as loose as I could, trying to let him show me what he was used to. We gradually fell into a peaceable rhythm together, and when I felt ready, we turned out into the hills.  I shortened the reins and leaned forward with more pressure.

“Let’s go, Thunder, git up!  Let’s go! Hup!”

He picked up a bit, uncertain, and then we were flying.  I shouted my encouragement, and he whinnied back with joy at the freedom, storming ahead wherever I asked.  I finally let out a whoop of sheer exhilaration, still unable to believe this was happening!  We zigzagged back and forth for a while before taking on the first hill.  He scaled it without effort and ran back down just for fun, then another.  It was absolute heaven to feel the wind in my hair without the sound of an engine… to feel the powerful muscles carrying me forward, connecting with good, solid earth in a staccato drumbeat that sounded like music.

Would he carry Alice as well?  I had to try. I wanted a little more practice first, though, and we still had a good chunk of afternoon left.  We slowed for a rest—he certainly wasn’t used to this much climbing—and found a little stream trickling down between the highest hills. Then we found a little path that wound through the trees leading back down to Renesmee’s place.  

In the years since Alice found me, I had spent innumerable hours in forests all over the world.  It always felt so healing to just bury myself out in nature away from everything, in a place that was so unlike where I had spent the first eighty years as a vampire. To just lose myself in a world that knew neither human nor vampire nor machine, soaking in the smells and sounds of life being quietly lived at its own pace.  I often spent that time with Alice, and sometimes with my brothers, but also alone.  It was a kind of peace that I had never thought to look for as a human, since I had never had any time to go off on my own.  And now, I got to share it with the kind of friend I had missed most of all.

We took our time on the path; Thunder didn’t seem to have come this way before.  We just explored it together, smelling as we went and turning our heads to various sounds. He was a companionable fellow, quick to respond and full of horsey chatter.  I found myself chattering back, falling back into the easy give-and-take I remembered having with Patch.  I didn’t know how often Renesmee and Jacob would like visitors, and I would be at the mercy of the human boarders’ schedule, but I would be back.  That was a shame about the humans; I could just imagine how the light would cut through the morning mist here in these woods during a morning trot.  I’d take whatever I could get, though.  However a horse like this had come to be, it was a miracle not to be wasted.

We galloped back down to Thunder’s farm, sending his stablemates scattering in anxiety again.  I felt an unfamiliar surge of warmth in my chest to see my Alice waiting for me there at the gate, watching me come home to her.  She had climbed up onto the swinging end, perched with her arms folded on the rail and a knowing sparkle in her eyes.  She knew what came next.

But first I swung down and paid my respects to my new friend, giving him a vigorous rub on his sweaty neck and mumbling the nonsense language that was starting to come back to me.  We looked into each other’s eyes for a bit and then he jammed his mouth into my chest, sniffing out the sugar cubes.

“Hey, okay!” I laughed, giving him his treat.  Renesmee and Jacob finally came up.

“Alice said you got lost in the woods,” she teased, reaching up to give Thunder some love of her own.  “Do you like your surprise?”

I shook my head.  “I still can’t believe it.  This is something I never thought I’d have again.”  I burst into a huge grin that spread quick through the group, and grabbed my monster niece for a real hug and an outpouring of gratitude.  I finally caught a glimpse of the memories she had kept secret earlier: a spindly foal that could only be Thunder, nestled snug in his hay with Renesmee only inches away.

“Even when he was small?” I asked.  “He wasn’t afraid?”

“He was born a couple weeks after we moved in,” Jacob explained.  “We actually got the idea from Garrett. He’s never tried it himself, but he had heard of vampire back in his day that raised a horse from birth.  You just have to expose them really young and keep it up, and they get used to it. Creatures of habit.”

“Still… even if he was used to you two, I don’t see how he’s not upset by a full vampire.”

“That’s because he’s been around them before,” Alice said.  “I haven’t come around, because I was afraid you’d catch the scent on me, but Emmett and Esme spent a lot of time over here when they were working on the house.  Carlisle’s been out here twice, and of course Bella and Edward.”

“And they brought some of your clothes a couple of times,” Renesmee added. “So he could get to know you, too.” She looked out at the other horses. “They’ve gotten used to us, sort of, since we spent so much time with Thunder.  But he’s yours.”

I blinked.  “What?”

“Surprise!” she said gaily.  

“Didn’t you hear me call it a gift horse earlier?” Jacob snorted.  “Listen, you can leave him here until you’ve got something ready back nearer the main house.”

“It won’t take long,” Alice promised, squeezing my arm.  “Esme’s been working on sketches of stables for months. She’s just waiting for you to come back and pick out what you want.”

My throat finally closed, full of emotion. I laid a hand back up on Thunder’s flank, feeling the warmth and listening to the heavy heartbeat.  He was mine.

“All right,” Jacob said, looking at his watch.  “Alice said they’d be home at 8:32, so you’ve still got an hour and half. Just put everything back where you found it.”

Once I found enough voice to mumble another thank you, Renesmee and Jacob went back home.  When she looked back I raised my hand in farewell, resting back against the gate and pulling Alice into my arms.  She leaned her head back against my chest, and for a little while we just watched Thunder stroll around the yard, unsure what to do with himself.

“Where to, ma’am?” I finally asked, turning her around.  She smiled up at me.

“You know.  And yes, it’ll work.”

I would have to ask her, later, what her role had been in all of this. Right now we had a dream to fulfill. I mounted again, reaching down to “help” Alice up.  She was actually pretty tense at first; all the visions in the world hadn’t prepared her for the feeling of sitting a horse.  As far as either of us knew, she had never done it before.  

“Hi, Thunder,” she whispered, stroking his flank.  

“Hold on to me,” I cautioned her.  “It’d be so easy to break his ribs if we’re not careful.”  She wrapped her arms around my waist, and I picked up one of her hands for a quick kiss.  “Ready?”

“Ready.”

I dug in and we were off, straight out the gate without hesitation.  Alice gasped, wrapping her arms tighter, but she kept herself quiet.  This was heaven, to have her with me like this.  I’d imagined it so many times, but this was even better.  It felt like I was finally able to let her see this part of me… to have her share in it.  The three of us sailed effortlessly through the tall grass toward the hills, rising and falling in silent unison as Thunder’s heart and hooves beat on.

Alice was beginning to relax.  I grinned to myself and reached back to grab her mid-gallop, swinging her around and forward into my lap.  She shrieked in surprise, latching onto me for dear life as Thunder reared up in response to the inhuman sound.  

“Steady there!”  I fought him back down, holding Alice with one arm as I managed the reins.  

“You did that on purpose!”

“Maybe…”

I pulled hard right, aiming for the ridge I had spotted earlier.  “Let’s see if he can manage this one…” I said mainly to myself.  Alice’s eyes glazed over for just a second and then she glared lovingly at me, relaxing and letting me hold her bridal-style as we began the rough climb. At least the mud was a little wet still; it gave Thunder’s hooves something to sink into.  We jostled and weaved our way up to the top, finally cresting the last bump and coming to a stop.

“Do you have any idea how amazing this is?” I said softly as we took in the vista below us.  The sun was growing big and orange as it sank toward the western horizon.  “To have this again… to have you here with me.”

“I can feel it,” she said, laying her hand on my heart.  I wasn’t surprised; my happiness was too big for just one heart at the moment.  I held her close and closed my eyes until I felt Thunder begin to shift impatiently.

I lifted Alice up into sitting astride, this time reaching around her with both arms to hold the reins.  She relaxed and lay back against my chest as we began our descent.  Her love burst over me in waves,  and mine wrapped around her, binding us together. This was meant to be… it always had been.  Just another piece of destiny she had taught me to believe in.  When we were ready, I laid a kiss on her hair and called out for Thunder to let it loose.  Soon we were galloping again, racing down onto the plain and out into the sunset.

[cajunroe]

speirs x malarkey + baseball!au (sports writer!speirs + mlb player!malarkey) ↳ the one trait that people often considered to be ron’s downfall was his honesty. brutal and to the point and, worst or best of all, depending on who you were, often entirely true. and he had no problem with addressing someone’s shortcomings. which is why the publishing company he works for, assigned him to cover the sports section. with million dollar contracts, scandals, alleged drug use, and everything in the high stakes world of professional athleticism, ron was never afraid to call out all the bullshit. he was ruthless, precise, efficient, and detailed. in a profession where truth matter above everything else, he thrived. he often received scathing letters and threats but they always found their way to his junk mail or the trashcan, none of them holding any merit. however, after a particularly critical column on boston’s new pitcher, he gets something he never expected. the pitcher storms into his office and demands an explanation. ron would’ve had the wherewithal to be upset, if he wasn’t so damn impressed. and a little bit attracted to the redhead yelling at him. and that’s what really ended up surprising him. 

ron was working on editing the other writers’ column when the door to his office slammed open.

“you have some fucking nerve man!”

ron looked up and saw boston’s newest pitcher, red faced and angry, standing before him.

web ran into the office, “ron you need security?”

ron shook his head no, “it’s okay web, please close the door on your way out.”

web stood uncomfortably for a second before following ron’s order.

“how can i help you, mr. malarkey?”

the man scoffed and ron tried to hold in his laughter.

“you can help me by telling what the hell this is about!”

don slammed today’s newspaper onto ron’s desk.

ron looked between the paper and the pitcher.

“it’s a newspaper, people often read in to stay current with issues and culture in today’s world.”

the man looked at ron in absolute frustration and ron shouldn’t have found it as attractive as he did. 

and yet...

“very funny smartass,” don sighed, “why did you write it?”

ron shrugged, “because it’s my job.”

don sat down without being offered a seat and leaned heavily on ron’s desk.

“it’s your job to tear down and criticize every little thing about me?”

ron looked to don and the open and vulnerable expression on his face made him want to reach out and touch.

he cleared his throat, “it’s my job to report the truth and the truth is that you’re holding back and not playing to the best of your ability. you’re bringing the team down.”

don looked genuinely hurt before becoming angry again. 

he pushed the chair back as he stood.

“and what the fuck do you know about the team? about how i play?”

ron smiled, a little smug but mostly polite.

“you’ve been in the minors for four years. you been pitching one hundred and four mile per hour fastballs since high school. yet last night you barely reached eighty-none. you’re single, no children, no significant other, boy or girl.”

don’s eyebrows rose and eyes widened at that.

ron continued, “you have a dog named cat, your best friend’s are the first baseman, alex penkala, and the catcher, skip muck. you are good friends with the rest of the team since most of you playing in the same minor team. you play like you’re afraid of being good. like if you play too well from the start, you’re bound to fail sometime and you’re someone who doesn’t take failure easily. so rather than risk a possible screw-up of decline in performance, you choose to play at a mediocre level rather than at the elite level you can. am i close?”

ron watched don take in everything he’d said, enjoying the shift of emotions dance across his face. it was a sight to behold.

don sat down heavily in the chair again.

he looked at ron for so long, without a word, than it began to make ron uneasy.

“you’re kind of creepy when you do that.” don’s eyes were shining with a light mirth, anger having shifted to awe.

ron’s shifted his eyes back to his laptop, “so i’ve been told.”

“but you’re right.”

ron’s hands stopped typing, silence filling the room.

“what?” ron asked incredulously.

“i said you’re right. i am...i am afraid of eventually not being good enough. of stretching myself too thin too quickly. or losing everything i’ve worked, basically my entire life, for.”

ron studied the man before him. in all his years of doing this, no one he’s criticized has ever admitted that he was right. it made ron’s breathing shorten, the man’s sturdy build, bright smile, warm eyes, and red hair, of course had nothing to do with it. maybe.

“i can understand the fear, but would you rather have a long career of being average or a possibly short career of being exceptional? you can be one of the greats, don. you just need overcome your fears, or at least fight them. everyone is scared of failure, but you can’t let it control you.”

ron smiled, trying to make it assuring.

don stared at him for a long moment, ron took it all in instead of fighting against it.

“dinner.”

ron looked at don in question.

“what?”

don blushed and ron swallowed hard. everything about this man, including his anger was somehow becoming endearing to ron.

“i m-meant to say, have dinner with me...please.”

ron smiled, “okay.”

don looked surprised either by how fast his response was or by the fact that his response was yes.

“okay? okay. great. i’ll pick you up from here around eight?”

ron nodded, “it’s a date.”

don blushed again and nodded before making a hasty exit through ron’s office door. 

web came back in not a minute later, “what was that about?”

“nothing. he just wanted to yell at me before asking me out.”

ron tried to hide his smile but found that he couldn’t.

web gaped, “w-what? you...you...ronald speirs are going out with a professional athlete.”

ron nodded.

“you?! ronald speirs who told me not a week ago that all athletes are brutes and don’t deserve they amount of time you spend covering them.”

ron shrugged, “maybe i was wrong.”

web dropped the books in his hands.

“fuck, what the hell did that guy do to you?”

ron didn’t answer, couldn’t answer because even he didn’t know. he just knew that something about don had captivated him in the past twenty minutes and he needed to figure out what it was.

don was pacing fast, wearing down the carpet in skip’s apartment.

skip, for all intents and purposes, was doing his best impressions of a fish out of water.

“you...”

“how...”

“with speirs...”

“how...”

don stopped pacing, looked at skip, and then started pacing again.

“i don’t know skip. i can’t figure out what made me ask or why he even said yes, but fuck. you have no idea what he’s really like. i can’t believe it. for all you guys complain and fear him, he isn’t that bad. he’s actually really nice and he’s intense and he smells like smoke and heat. and jesus christ skip, i’m totally fucked.”

skip started laughing loudly and don stopped his pacing in confusion.

“what? skip why are you laughing like that?”

“you...” skip couldn’t stop laughing.

“i...what?”

skip gathered his composure as best he could.

“you have a crush on ron fucking speirs.”

don took a moment to let it sink in before swearing.

“fuck. i totally do.”

then both men burst into laughter.

don’s alarm rang, letting him know he needed to leave.

“fuck. h-how do i look skip?”

skip gave don a once-over and smiled.

“like you want to have sex with a journalist.”

don winked, “exactly what i was going for.”

skip groaned in disgust and pushed his best friend out of his apartment.

ron was finishing changing and packing up for the night when someone knocked on his door coming in.

ron assumed if was web letting him know he was heading out, so he didn’t rush to put on his t-shirt.

he stopped dead in his tracks when he saw it was don malarkey, looking like sex on legs and staring at ron like he was a cold glass of water and don had been in the desert for far too long.

ron’s default pride etched it’s way onto his face, “hi don, give me a minute.”

ron didn’t miss the rushed nodded and the hungry eyes glued to his chest. 

ron smiled as he bent down to pick up his shirt.

he could’ve sworn he heard a soft “fuck,” from the man behind him and he smiled wide.

he pulled on his jacket and grabbed his bag, “ready?”

don smiled, face flushed, “hell yeah.”

don hadn’t moved from the doorway and ron met him in the middle.

ron was about to push through, but he stopped. he just had to...

“one thing first,” he braced his arms on either side of don’s chest and pressed his lips into the redhead’s.

he heard a soft moan before don kissed him back in a fevered haze.

it was slow and languid and hot and perfect.

when they eventually pulled back, both men’s eyes were dark with lust and longing.

don laughed shakily, “wow.”

ron bit his lip and grabbed don’s hand, guiding them out of the office and into the night.

don malarkey surprised the crowd with strikeouts to eighteen of the opposing team’s batters, including the final pitch of the game sealing the win and advancement into the finals. boston can sleep with immense pride tonight, knowing that our team is one step closer to winning the pendant. 

don put down the newspaper with shaky hands.

he was stunned. 

he and ron had been seeing one another for nine months and it wasn’t easy with him being on the road much, but they made it work. and when things were bad, they were still good and when things were good...they were great. 

and this? this was the first time ron has put down into physically words, the affection he’d only ever given to don. it was a lot, considering his reputation. it meant everything to don. that ron both, cared about him so much that he was willing to tarnish his hard earned reputation, and that he said everything without saying much. don loved that. he loved a lot of things about ron. he just...loved him.

and that scared don more than winning the pendant, more than sobel’s training exercises, more than skip and luz on april fools. but don’s been dealing with this secret since their six month anniversary and he couldn’t handle it anymore. with so much stress and pressure, any relief, however slight or great, would be appreciated.

so when ron comes over, just a night of them relaxing with pizza and beer and some movie that don’s not really listening to, don realizes that he needs to tell ron. right now or he fears he never will.

he pauses the movie and stands up and watches ron’s confused eyes follow him.

“i have to tell you something and i don’t know how you’re going to take it.”

don notices a flash of fear in ron’s eyes before he covers it with casual indifference. 

“okay.”

“so we’ve been dating for nine months ron and that’s...that’s the longest of i’ve ever been with someone. and it’s been the best thing, the greatest thing to me. and i...” he stops, unsure of how to even begin, “you remember the first day we met?”

ron smiled, how could he forget, “yes.”

“you...you told me that everyone has fears. and you told me that we have to overcome them or at least fight them and not to let them control us.”

ron nodded.

“well, the thing is i’m afraid.”

ron stood up and grabbed don’s hands, helping to calm him. 

“afraid of what?” ron asked, eyes wide and, for the first time, don saw vulnerability in his eyes, like whatever don said next had the possibility to complete or break him.

don let out a short breath, “i’m afraid of how much i...i love you.”

ron’s mouth open in a silent gasp before he smilde bright.

“it’s about damn time don.”

don looked at ron in confusion.

“i’ve been waiting so long for you tell say that.”

don slapped ron’s shoulder, “you’re an asshole. why didn’t you say anything?”

ron grabbed don’s neck softly, “don, you nearly had a panic attack telling me just now, i wasn’t going to force you to tell me until you were ready.”

don kissed ron hard, lips sliding wet and hard against ron’s. 

when they separated, don spoke softly into ron’s chest, right near his heart.

“i love you.”

ron kissed the top of his head, “i love you too.”

@ciarlapanics - thank you!

send me a pairing and an au and i’ll make an aesthetic post + ficlet 

[itsworn]

Racing Roadster Finale: Our 1929 Model A Project Hits the Jersey Beach at The Race of Gentlemen

Running With the Pack

On an October day five years ago, I was awakened by my buddy Elvis, who was on a mission to get me up and out of the house. In my pre-dawn stupor, I made out the words “hot rods” and “race on the beach” over the phone. I remembered reading about the possibility of an event called The Race of Gentlemen on several Internet message boards, and even heard the rumblings through local friends in the hobby.

So I grabbed my trusty Nikon camera and drove down to the race location, where I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. There, on this exclusive, upscale beach, was the beginning of a hot rod happening for the ages. At least a couple dozen pre- and post-war-styled hot rods lined the entrance to the narrow shoreline, with a smattering of cool Harleys and Indians thrown in.

I located Meldon Van Riper Stultz, the originator and organizer of the race, and hit him up for starting line access. I took about 500 pictures that day. A dozen or so made HOT ROD magazine a few months later, with one gracing the cover. The Race of Gentlemen was officially off and running.

I covered the race over the next five years for HRM and HOT ROD Deluxe, keeping our readers abreast of what was going on over here on the “right” coast. It was always a great time when TROG was on the beach, and I was perfectly happy with being behind pen and camera, doing my share to spread the gospel of TROG. But after five years of walking the beach beat, change was in the air.

Roadster Riot

In 2015, while looking for my next project, I decided to go outside my comfort zone and build a Model A. I wasn’t building it to race exactly; I just wanted a weekend beach cruiser. I located a chassis and a bunch of body parts, but the project stalled when I ran into other issues, and I decided to put the ’29 roadster up for sale online. That’s when I met TJ O’Grady, a pre-war hot rod expert, TROG veteran, and owner of Throttle Jockey Originals out of Bohemia, New York.

We decided to build my car for the race. I funneled parts to TJ and he built my Model A into a sight to behold—a process documented on these pages for the past few issues.

It was finished with only a few weeks to go before the race. Luckily, TJ got to break her in at the Jalopy Showdown before bringing the roadster to TROG.

The Amazing Race

When TROG pulls into Wildwood, New Jersey (its new official home base), the whole demeanor of the town changes. It gets louder, it gets faster, and the municipality goes into a time warp of sorts. The period hotels are abuzz with rods and rides. TROG is more than a car show; it’s a hot rod circus and petrol-fueled carnival all rolled into one.

Early Friday morning the streets were already full of hot rods and hot bikes. At TROG headquarters, based in and around the kitschy Star-Lux hotel, I meet Corin Stubblefield and wife Michele, two longtime TROG mainstays. They get me through my registration paperwork and on to my safety inspection. The rowdy roadster passes with no problem. We are officially in the race.

Saturday morning I meet TJ at the Star-Lux lot. Due to time constraints, I hadn’t even sat behind the wheel of the finished car until that moment. TJ gave me a quick rundown on what to do and not to do on the sand. With that I turned the key, clicked on the fuel pump, and hit the starter. The hopped-up banger popped to life with a throaty rumble that echoed through the body of the minimalist hot rod. I threw it into gear and followed the remaining participants to the race entrance just off of Ocean Avenue.

At the entrance to the beach, it really hits you how big this event is. Even at 8 in the morning, the road is packed with spectators eager to get a glimpse of the drivers and their rides as we funnel into the “gazing tunnel” under the boardwalk and onto the sand. It’s a sight to see, even better from the driver’s point of view!

This is where you get your first feel of driving on sand. It’s an unusual ride in a hot rod with skinny tires. It’s nothing like driving here in a Jeep with the tires aired down. It’s more like driving on 6 inches of heavy snow, with a little more traction. The Model A tracked well, and it was soon easy to feel how the roadster would react to throttle and steering.

Once on the beach, we are corralled into the pit area, where we do last-minute checks, and stage for the slow creep to the starting line. Time to get into driver mode.

The organizers ask that you dress the part of an early hot rodder. I had a HOT ROD Deluxe shirt made by Hometown Jersey, complete with felt lettering. I took along my old Buco helmet, probably late 1950s vintage with leather earflaps. I took along several vintage goggles and glasses I had collected over the years, none of which gave me any vision whatsoever. I ended up using a pair of safety glasses to cover my eyes from the sandblasting I was about to endure.

Mel addressed the drivers in a pre-race meeting, laying the basic ground rules: Have fun, be safe, be aware, and enjoy the day. By this time there was a fever pitch amongst the drivers; we were about to roll.

Luck was with us, as bangers were called up first. I made my way out of the pits towards Joe Oz, the tuxedoed “Master of Ceremonies” at the starting line, ready to set us up. I was paired with another banger-powered Model A, with bolt-ons similar to mine. As we crept to the line, I got a good look at the track, and the hordes of spectators that were growing by the minute. My heart was pounding out of my jersey. Only one thing left: to wait for TROG’s jumpin’ flag girl Sara Francello to let us loose. With the drop we were off and running.

TJ advised me not to punch it too hard out of the gate. Let the tires grip and get through the soft stuff along the start line. Make First gear a quick push and then head right into Second. The peppy four-cylinder responded without a hitch, and we battled from line to line, staying within a car length of each other the whole time. The car slid slightly side-to-side when I hit the throttle, but overall tracked well through the sand.

We finished with our roadster trailing by a fender, which I was fine with. My first run went well, and I was eager to get back to the starting line. Once the “all safe” signal was given, we were led back to the start. I headed straight through the pits and right back in line.

This would be repeated about nine times on Saturday. I wanted to get as much driving in on Saturday as possible. I won as many races as I lost, and even managed to pick off a flathead or two. It was a joy out on the sand, and I was itching to come back the next day.

Bracket racing takes place on Sunday. Hot rods and bikes are put in classes according to engine size. Some came to have fun; some came to win.

We had a strong-running ride and I felt confident coming up to the line, especially since we had taken our opponent the day before. However, we had our first mechanical issue of the weekend. During the heat, the battery box came dislodged, disconnecting our electrical system. On a do-over, I was taken narrowly by the sleek roadster. As a consolation, I found out that particular ride made it to the semi-finals.

We continued to run out the day, making as many passes as possible. The roadster just couldn’t have run any better overall, with just a few minor issues that didn’t keep us from racing. I raced until they closed the track.

Back at the Star-Lux lot, many of the racers parked and talked about the weekend. It was a huge success on all accounts, with Mother Nature being our biggest supporter, giving us two glorious June days and good tides for racing. The roadster was our other big winner. It ran with the best of them, and looked just killer out on the sand.

I’d like to thank everyone involved, especially TJ O’Grady and Throttle Jockey Originals for putting together this rad traditional hot rod. Also thanks to the suppliers who helped us adorn this beauty with top-notch parts. And finally, a special thanks goes out to TROG co-founder Mel for granting us admission to this incredible event.

After five years of walking the sand beat at The Race of Gentlemen for HOT ROD and HOT ROD Deluxe magazines, Scotty Lachenauer decided it was time to join the fun. TJ O’Grady and Throttle Jockey Originals built a hopped-up ’29 for Scotty to drive at this year’s TROG.

The Hot Rod Deluxe project Model A roadster sailed effortlessly over the sands of Wildwood, New Jersey.

TJ O’Grady’s design for our project roadster helped it stand out from the crowd. With its thinned nose, upswept exhaust, and interesting hue, the hot rod definitely had a look all its own.

The Model A ran well and competitively all weekend long. For a brand new build, the car had very few issues. An unhinged battery box was the only minor hiccup.

Who’s having a good time at TROG? This guy sure is!

Racing organizers are careful that TROG maintains a vintage look and feel, right down to the way competitors are dressed. Scotty wore a 1950s-vintage Buco helmet, and had an old-time racing jersey made with the Deluxe logo. But none of his old goggles let him see very well, so a pair of safety glasses kept the sand out of his eyes. We’ve heard from a lot of TROG racers that visibility can be a real problem, especially in a car with no fenders.

TJ O’Grady advised Scotty to take it easy at launch, and not to spin the tires in the soft sand at the start line. Once off the line, short-shift to Second and let ’er rip.

TROG race cars and bikes can take a beating during two days of running surfside. The Racing Roadster shows some well-earned signs of TROG eighth-mile battle, including a splattering of sand and telltale exhaust “stripes” along the back fender.

Looking inside the Model A, you can see the sand Scotty brought back as a souvenir of the epic weekend.

Sources

Bob Bader’s Antique Ford Parts Center; 631-256-0030; baderbro@aol.com

Brookville Roadster; 937-833-4605; brookvilleroadster.com

Coker Tire; 866-516-3125; cokertire.com

Anthony DiLiberto; adpinstriping@gmail.com; Instagram: @pinstriping_by_ad

Elmer Equipped; elmerequipped.com; Instagram: @elmerequipped; Facebook: facebook.com/elmerequipped

Hometown Jersey; hometownjersey.com

Kohler Kustom; kohlerkustom.com; Instagram: @kohlerkustom; Facebook: facebook.com/kohlerkustom

Powermaster Starters and Alternators; 630-957-4019; powermastermotorsports.com

Throttle Jockey Originals; throttlejockeyoriginals.com; Instagram: @throttlejockeyoriginals; Facebook: facebook.com/throttle-jockey-originals

WAC Customs; 860-459-0399; bill@bbchopit.com

The post Racing Roadster Finale: Our 1929 Model A Project Hits the Jersey Beach at The Race of Gentlemen appeared first on Hot Rod Network.

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[tune-collective]

The 20 Best deadmau5 Songs

The 20 Best deadmau5 Songs

He may not be one for metaphors or lofty album titles, he may not know how to refrain from weighing in on any given subject, he may not really know how to play a bunch of traditional instruments, but Joel Zimmerman, aka deadmau5, is absolutely one of electronic dance music’s greatest producers.

He’s quite prodigious with eight studio albums released in 10 years, a successful label that helped spawn Skrillex and others, and his own music production Master Class series. You get the feeling he does everything the hard way, but he somehow does it so well.

Here’s a list of the 20 best deadmau5 songs to date, in our critical opinions. Enjoy, and feel free to disagree.

20. deadmau5 – “Bot”

For Lack of a Better Name is deadmau5’s fourth studio album and one that cemented the noise artist as one of the greats. It spawned tons of hits, and while “Bot” isn’t the LP’s grandest achievement, it is one of deadmau5’s most interesting songs. It’s full of wacky textures and frog noises. It sounds like the tribal music of exotic aliens who dwell in some kind of fantastic cyber jungle.

19. deadmau5 – “Alone With You”

This glittering bit of progressive house come from Random Album Title, deadmau5’s beautiful third LP. The persistent beat keeps bodies moving through the sparkling, melodic mist. It’s the kind of emotional build one happily and aimlessly explores over and over again.

18. deadmau5 – “Closer”

That exciting five-note progression should be instantly recognizable as John Williams’ alien-speak melody in Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Daft Punk also used the sample, officially titled “Wild Signals,” as the intro to its Alive 2007 set, but deadmau5 takes the motif and turns it into something even grander. He deviates after the first two minutes, though those five notes continue to make their way in and out of the melodic lines. Maybe the aliens are listening.

17. deadmau5 – “Snowcone”

The first official single from deadmau5′ latest album, W:/2016Album, earns its name. It’s light and airy atmosphere captures the feeling of a light snow, and as we move forward into the beat, we find ourselves exploring deadmau5 hidden love of hip-hop rhythm. Kanye West and Pete Rock are fans. They shared a video of themselves listening to it in the studio, upon the reception of which deadmau5 announced “Snowcone” as one of his favorite songs on the new LP.

16. deadmau5 – “Infra Turbo Pigcart Racer”

Track five from while(1has got to be one of the most unique weapons in deadmau5′ musical arsenal. At just more than nine-and-a-half-minutes, it tells the supersonic story of, well, let’s pretend it really is a piggy racecar driver. It’s called Fast and the Furriest, and it is all about one adrenaline junky porker who makes his way into the Tron world and unlocks the true supersonic potential of those light bikes. Alright, I just made all that up, but doesn’t it sound like that?

15. deadmau5 – “Hi Friend”

This song perfectly captures the vibe of going out to your favorite nightclub and running into everyone you know and love. Lots of electro, heaps of filters, and dope party raps from MC Flipside.

14. deadmau5 – “Aural Psynapse”

Though it appears on 2011’s 5 Years of mau5 double-disc compilation, “Aural Psynapse” was first recorded and released in 2001 under deadmau5′ former alias Halcyon441, another Joel Zimmerman screen name lost in the annals of time. Proving the old adage that everything old is new again, the single went on to peak at No. 7 on Billboard‘s Dance/Electronic Digital Song chart. It’s a beautiful, emotional song where synths take the lead in all shapes and forms. Definitely a classic deadmau5 atmosphere.

13. deadmau5 – “HR 8938 Cephei”

This stand-alone release never graced an official deadmau5 album. It was one of Zimmerman’s Soundcloud dumps, but it’s nothing to overlook. At nearly 11-minutes long with a distant star namesake, it’s a progressive journey that starts cold and somber, builds into a hopeful, shoulder shaking beat, and here and there blasts the listener with strong, powerful moments.

12. deadmau5 – “Brazil (2nd Edit)”

Whatever happened to the first edit of “Brazil?” Well, deadmau5 decided it wasn’t that important. He might have been right. This track has been sampled by Kylie Minogue, Alexis Jordan, and Taio Cruz. It’s got an infectious beat and an easy-going staccato synth melody. Does it make you feel like you’re in Brazil when you listen to it? It’s a lot cheaper to enjoy than a vacation, in any case.

11. deadmau5 – “Maths”

Who’s ready to get weird? We are, and deadmau5 is bringing the electronic, alien funk heavy on this cut from 2012’s > album title goes here It served as the album’s lead single, and originally, it was supposed to be the final track on 4×4=12. The anxious, rising motion of the hook is the stuff dance floor come up dreams are made of. No one can stay seated when a tune like this gets dropped. This weird little tune is a get-up-and-go machine.

10. deadmau5 – “Moar Ghosts N Stuff”

Question: Why does “Moar Ghosts N Stuff” precede “Ghosts N Stuff” on 2009’s For Lack of a Better Name? Answer: Because deadmau5 is a troll, and he does whatever the hell he wants. This creepy organ intro is bone-chillingly cool. It’s actually a sample of Frederic Chopin’s Piano Sonata, Op. 35, No. 2 in B-Flat Minor, if you care to know. The vocal sample is from a monologue in The Brain From Planet Arous, a black-and-white, 1957 sci-fi indie flick. It also is an incredible way for deadmau5 to say “yeah, I just totally changed the game, and I am one of the best ever. Part two comes before part one. -shades fall on eyes- Deal with it.” This motif is one of deadmau5’s most memorable and instantly recognizable melodies. It just had to crack the top 10.

9. deadmau5 – “Sometimes Things Get, Whatever”

Another absolute fan favorite, this one being an early cut from 2008’s Random Album Title. It’s an easy song to relate to. We’ve all been overwhelmed by life to the point that we revert to cold robot mode, right? Zimmerman probably feels this way all the time. He’s totally that perfectionist sound engineer guy who frets over everything. I can’t actually say that with certainty, but c’mon, listen to this. Ironically, it’s a pretty straightforward and simple composition. He’d probably have a big explanation for why that’s not true, of course. It probably took like a million hours of engineering to create this. It’s probably too complicated to explain, so, you know, whatever.

8. deadmau5 – “Animal Rights” with Wolfgang Gartner

Storytime! This jam dropped a couple weeks before I turned 23, and the night of my birthday, I was partying in college, and some drunk frat guy wandered into our after party and heard it was my birthday and decided he was gonna give me a lapdance. So I put on “Animal Rights” and he was like “Hey, I really like this song. Who is it?” And I was like, “Don’t worry about it and take your clothes off.” That has nothing to do with how awesome this Wolfgang Gartner collaboration is, how it’s super funky and was totally exciting and fresh at the time, how it blends Gartner’s signature “complextro” sound with deadmau5’s awesome, techy atmospheres – but then again, maybe it does. Either way, go get a lap dance from a frat boy to it. It’s a pretty fun experience, even though he’s totally feeling himself more than you are.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_esYONwdKuw

7. deadmau5 – “The Veldt” feat. Chris James

Grab your reading list. This tune is inspired by a Ray Bradbury short story, also titled The Veldt. That’s more to do with Chris James’ original lyrics, but it’s still totally awesome. You should know Ray Bradbury as the guy who wrote Fahrenheit 451, and if you don’t, get it together! deadmau5 created this song live during a 22-hour livestream. Dude is insane, right? The original version is just more than eight-and-a-half minutes long, and when the radio edit ends at just more than two-and-a-half, you’re like “wait, where is the rest of the song,” but the video is really cool, so we share it with you. This is a majestic bit of music, a perfect combination from deadmau5 and James.

6. deadmau5 – “Some Chords”

I nominate this track for Best Song Title of All Time. Basically every song in the history of ever could have this name, but only deadmau5 was lazy and clever enough to think of it. The chords in question are the backbone for the song, the musical template around which the beat aimlessly meanders. The chords evolve through different instrumentation, all the while the texture accents weave in and out to build the song to an aggressive fever pitch. 

5. deadmau5 – “Raise Your Weapon”

Heartbreak is never easy, but the music is inspires is some of the best ever written. “Raise Your Weapon” is a rallying cry, something to cling to in times of sadness. It’s opening piano notes, matched by singer Greta Svabo Bech’s listless vocal entry, welcomes your sorrow, but soon, the song finds strength, just as you will, given enough time. Bech is positively powerful by mid-section, and of course, so is the music, which eventually dissolves into a dubstep breakdown. It grips the listener from beginning to end, and though it’s a rather primitive bit of dubstep, it’s got some of the cooler noises we’ve heard in the garish genre. We’re happy to hear those piano chords finish it out, though. Part of your sadness never dies.

4. deadmau5 – “Faxing Berlin”

Faxing is an outdated form of communication, but it may have still been slightly relevant when deadmau5 first released this track in 2006. Email was totally relevant by then, but old people, you know? Famously supported by Pete Tong, “Faxing Berlin” is actually deadmau5’s first single ever, which is worth celebrating in itself. It’s also the first-ever release from mau5trap records. It’s also a constant favorite among fans, it’s slow build progressive vibe being absolutely quintessential to the deadmau5 sound. It’s one of his chillest, prettiest compositions. It’ll put you in a trance you’ll never want to escape.

3. deadmau5 – “I Remember” with Kaskade

“Faxing Berlin” is beautiful, but “I Remember” is one of the most luscious, gorgeous, all-encompassing electronic tunes of all time. It’s got classic written all over it, from the moment the beat and chords hit your ears, to the transcendent minute vocalist Haley Gibby sings into the mic, on through its full, spell-binding nine minutes. It’s kind of the perfect rave anthem, with soft female vocals whispering vaguely positive messages and chords in the tone of soft blues and whites. Something about it makes me reminisce about raves I went to in the mid 2000s, or maybe that’s just the song’s reminiscent vibe creeping into my head. I see what you did there, guys. Good game.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h7ArUgxtlJs

2. deadmau5 – “Ghosts n Stuff” feat. Rob Swire

Here we are again, these instantly-recognizable synth chords, this moment-defining sound. Of course, this time, we get the incredible Rob Swire, a man who was already a legend for his work with Pendulum, and who would go on to be even more famous as Knife Party. Swire is a beast on this track. This song was originally created at the request of Pete Tong, who essentially dared deadmau5 to make a new tune in time for his appearance on BBC Radio 1 Essential Mix. It’s one of deadmau5’s biggest hits ever, which is more than impressive for a last-minute production. This beat matched with these scream-along vocals makes for one of dance music’s most memorable refrains. It’s a classic. Kids 20 years from now will be like “have you heard Ghosts n Stuff,” and wish they were around to party in 2009, for sure.

1. deadmau5 – “Strobe”

I don’t think anybody would argue against “Strobe” being deadmau5’s best song. It’s iconic. It’s got all the elements that make deadmau5 the producer he is. It’s slow and pretty, it takes time to evolve, it’s got a slow and steady build, it erupts into progressive house perfection, it even carries a bit of hard electro edge. It’s just the jam. It’s such the jam, deadmau5 recently reimagined it for mau5trap’s 100th release, then he gave it away for free because he knew all you fools wanted it so bad. It’s one of those perfect electronic tunes that stays with you forever, and for that, we owe deadmau5 our eternal thanks.

Source: Billboard

http://tunecollective.com/2017/02/14/the-20-best-deadmau5-songs/