#all artificial sweeteners taste like ass

[rabbitrah]

A continuation on my post about unloved foods, specifically this is my in-depth defense of root beer.

Root Beer isn't inherently gross, it's just one of those weird local flavors that's off-putting to people who didn't grow up with it. We all like different things and also we all tend to like flavors that are similar to what we grew up with. That's okay! But honestly root beer is pretty unique and, in my opinion, delicious.

One of the main complaints against root beer is that it tastes like medicine. Funnily enough, it was originally marketed as medicinal! This is true for most OG sodas actually. Pretty much as soon as carbonated water was invented, people were drinking it to soothe various ailments. A lot of the original soft drinks were actually invented by pharmacists. I just think that root beer is especially cool because the main flavor came from the root bark of sassafras, a common North American shrub. Because it's so widespread and aromatic, all parts of the sassafras plant have been used in food and medicine by many different Native American tribes throughout history and was subsequently picked up and used by European colonists. In the 1960s, some studies indicated that that safrole oil, which is produced by the plant, can cause liver damage. Whether or not this would actually remain true after it had been boiled and added to root beer is unclear, but it was really easy to replicate the flavor, so the sassafras in commercial root beer these days is artificial. Another fun fact about safrole is that it's a precursor in the synthesis of MDMA. None of this information has stopped my childhood habit of eating sassfras leaves right off the shrub whenever I walk past it on a hike. I'm like 85% sure it's safe and also mmmm yummy leafs go crunch.

Another root beer complaint is that it tastes like toothpaste. I think this is probably because another key flavor in most root beer recipes is wintergreen. I'm assuming that the people who think this are the same people who think mint chocolate chip ice cream tastes like toothpaste. I can understand and even respect that some people don't like mint and associate it only with brushing their teeth, but like. Mint is a pretty common flavor. I mean I think it's safe to say that humans have been eating mint flavored stuff for longer than toothpaste has existed... anyway!

Other common flavors in root beer (real or artificial) are caramel, vanilla, black cherry bark, sarsaparilla root, ginger, and many more! There's not one official recipe, and root beer enthusiasts often have strong opinions about different brands. Some root beer is sharper, with more strong aromatic flavors, and others are mild and creamier.

Another thing I think is cool about root beer is that it's foamier than most sodas. This was originally because sassafras is a natural surfactant (and why sassafras is also a common thickening agent in Louisiana Creole cooking.) These days, other plant starches or similar ingredients are added to keep the distinctive foam. Root beer foam > all other soft drink foams. That's why root beer floats kick more ass than like, coke floats.

If you've never had root beer before, imagine if a sweetened herbal tea was turned into a soda, because that's basically what it is. If your first response to that is a cringe, fair enough. That's why lots of people don't like it. If your first response to that is "interesting... I might actually like it, though" then I encourage you to track down a can of root beer today, hard as that might be outside the US and Canada. Next time you see an "ew, root beer tastes like medicine/tooth paste" take, know that there's a reason for that, but also the same could be said for literally any herbal or minty food/drink.

My final take on root beer is that it would be the soda of choice for gnomes. Thank you and good night.

[jalopeura]

god i would love to drink all these 'non-standard' sodas theyve got out rn like the lemon-strawberry one or the watermelon-pomegranate one but theyre all sugarfree which means all they taste like is those shitty ass artificial sweeteners

[fictionkinfessions]

Had a nightmare.

Gunsmoke has two moons, and I'm layin' on my back under em. Can't move. I'm bleedin', and you're cryin' so hard you're chokin. You're hovering over me. You're throwin' dirt over me, and I'm tryin' to tell ya I'm still alive, but I can't open my mouth to say so. I can't move to keep ya from givin me a proper burial. I know why ya didn't smile, sugar, I know. I was a prick for askin' ya to give me a fake one anyway. I'm sorry I asked ya to do that, baby. I owe ya a thank you, though, one I can't give ya in person yet; Thanks for goin' to try an talk to the kids for me. Please don't hate 'em for their screamin' when they saw me. I was covered in blood, and they couldn't get to Miss Melanie. I love ya, baby. Don't ya dare fuckin' forget, don't you dare. I love you.

Ya know what, though? On the nightmare note, fuck you, Millions Knives. Fuck you Legato Bluesummers, fuck you Eye of Michael. Y'all had me *fucked up.* I don't wanna hear fuck all bout this, that and the third about how y'all're happy and y'all changed. *Not me,* bitch, I hope ya can't find your angel of a brother and I hope that little blue-haired prick stays in second place his entire fuckin' life. Me 'n my brother were fuckin' kids. I don't wanna hear shit about either of y'alls circumstances. I don't fuckin' care. Goes double for you, Bluesummers.

Fuck both of ya. Fuck yer Eye, fuck what ya did to me and my brother, and Knives, fuck what ya did to your own. You were gonna fuckin' kill him keepin' on like that. Protection my ass. He was gonna be dead on yer damn floor and you'd have nobody to blame but yer own damn blades.

Fuck signin' this shit, I'm exhausted, my mouth tastes like artificial sweetener and battery acid.

Livio, Razlo, I'm sorry. I was a piss-poor brother. I'd be the pot callin' the kettle black if I didn't at least acknowledge it. Love ya, fucker, tricks are for kids.

.

[grneyedmonster15]

Human meat has got to be downright nasty. Think of all the gross-ass things we ingest on the daily. I have a theory that the only reason humans have lasted so long as a species is that we taste like shit, so no other animal actually wants to eat us, unless they’re absolutely desperately starving. Think about it: when a shark accidentally grabs one of us thinking we’re a seal, it usually spits us out like ‘wtf did I just put in my mouth?!’ Unless you’re one of those organic-only no-artificial-flavors-or-sweeteners free-range rich people, you’d probably taste gross af.

I'm so tired of the way suspicious meat is always human meat like for once I just want to be surprised. Let it be something else I'm so tired of it being human meat

[unhingedwomandiaries]

The president's bailing on the race. Fantastic. As if we weren't already careening towards electoral chaos at light speed. He's tossing the baton to Kamala, which fills me with all the enthusiasm of a five-day-old sandwich. She's vowing to crush Trump, and I'm just sitting here thinking, "Yeah, and I'm vowing to sprout wings and fly to Jupiter." Neither of them ignites my political passions, but at least Trump's done... something. Kamala's greatest hit so far has been occupying space.

It reminds me of when my mom ran for office. She wasn't some ivory tower elitist – she was fresh off the assembly line, literally. Instead of twiddling her thumbs and hoping for a miracle, she pounded the pavement like a relentless door-to-door salesman hawking democracy. She treated every voter like they were long-lost family, scribbling down their gripes and dreams in a never-ending stream of legal pads. She lost by five measly votes, which is like losing a basketball game by half a point. Why do I remember those yellow legal pads so vividly? Why can I still smell the papery musk of grassroots democracy? It's like my olfactory system is stuck in a time warp, forever 11 years old and drowning in political minutiae.

Sometimes I fantasize about running for president myself, but I'm about as ideologically consistent as a Magic 8-Ball. I'm registered Democrat, sure, but my political leanings are more like a mood ring – blue one day, red the next, with occasional flashes of green. I'm the human embodiment of a component video cable, splitting my signal between primary colors without ever committing to one. Let's face it, I'd be a terrible president. My policies would be a Frankenstein's monster of ideologies, stitched together from the spare parts of every political philosophy.

If by some cosmic joke I did become president, here's a taste of the chaos I'd unleash:

1. Bottled water? Banned. We're all going back to well water, folks. Trust me, it's the nectar of the gods compared to that plastic-flavored tap water you've been choking down.

2. Maple syrup gets the same protection as fine French cheese. No more of this "pancake syrup" nonsense. If it doesn't come from a tree, it's a crime against breakfast.

3. We're taxing sugar like it's plutonium. Your sweet tooth is about to get very expensive.

4. Forget bottle deposits. They're about as effective at reducing litter as a Band-Aid is at stopping a tsunami.

5. Gender-neutral bathrooms and locker rooms for all schools. I've seen more genitals before algebra class than most people see in a lifetime, and guess what? The sky didn't fall.

6. The Second Amendment can kiss my ass. I don't care if you think you need an arsenal to protect your collection of lawn gnomes. After seeing kids gunned down over waffle makers on Black Friday, I'm thinking maybe we should take a page from countries that don't treat firearms like toys.

7. Hunting's out. Find a new hobby that doesn't involve killing Bambi's mom.

8. Immigration's a mess, but let's not pretend kids choosing where they're born. We need a system that's fair, but not cruel.

9. Reproduction rights? It's not just a women's issue. Last time I checked, it takes two to create a tiny human. Abortion won't be illegal, but men deserve a say in parental rights because they have feelings too. None of this business that the child automatically goes to the mom.

10. No more religious studies in school. Learn that on your own time.

11. European History is now mandatory. Because knowing about the world beyond our borders might actually be useful.

12. High fructose corn syrup and artificial sweeteners are joining asbestos on the banned substances list.

13. All packaging must be eco-friendly. Mother Nature's not your personal trash can.

14. Historical buildings get rights. No more demolishing history for another soulless strip mall.

15. Robots in every recycling center. Welcome to the future, it smells like sorted plastics.

16. The rich are getting taxed. Shocking, I know.

17. Social media age limit: 21. Let's give kids a chance to develop a personality before they start curating one online.

18. Cigarettes and vapes? Gone. Find a new way to look cool.

19. Weed's legal everywhere. Because apparently, we need something to take the edge off this madness.

20. AI gets a babysitter. We're not letting Skynet happen on my watch.

21. Mental health takes center stage. We're teaching it in schools because apparently, we need to remind people that feeling feelings is normal.

22. No more exploiting your kids for likes. Family influencers, your gravy train just derailed.

23. Everyone learns to swim. Because in this sinking ship of a country, you might need it.

Is this platform insane? Probably. But in a world where reality TV stars can become world leaders, maybe insanity is just what we need. Or maybe I should stick to keeping a diary and leave the governing to... well, someone else. Anyone else. God help us all.

[contac]

[beaversatemygrandma]

Okay. Okay. I have been a hater of sparkling water for YEARS. Just bubbly flavorless (or the thought of a flavor) water. It’s dumb. Okay.

But i found one recently that literally tastes as flavorful as fruity soda while it’s still Very Much flavored sparkling water. And it’s the generic fucking walmart brand sparkling water.

[ramshacklefey]

Something I've rarely seen addressed in discussions about food insecurity is the importance of education about nutrition. And by that I don't mean moralizing food choices, but giving people access to information about what their bodies' basic nutritional needs are and how to fulfill them even when living with food insecurity. In fact, doing this should mean less moralizing about food choices, because getting your basic nutritional needs met doesn't require eating expensive, "natural," or even fresh food.

And this information may also help people who have broad food aversions.

Some examples:

Your basic loaf of cheap-ass white bread is fortified with vitamins.

Any food that says "enriched" or "fortified" has probably had vitamins added. That includes most bread, milk, quick cook rice, and many other inexpensive foods. This trend started specifically as a way to help low-income families get a more healthy diet.

If you have little money for food, buy some fucking peanut butter if you can eat it.

A peanut butter and jelly sandwich is incredibly good in terms of providing necessary nutriment.

Canned veggies are just as good for you as fresh ones, just don't toss the water from the can! A lot of the vitamins from the veggies end up in the water.

Mixing a can of beans (I use a combination of fat free refried & black beans) with some salsa and eating it with corn chips is actually pretty damn ok.

Anything pickled has prebiotics, tasty food for your gut flora! I have been known to drink pickle juice you would not believe how good it tastes when you've been doing yardwork in the heat.

If you're going to splurge on anything in your food budget, I cannot recommend sugar-free or unsweetened foods enough. Artificial sweeteners are not the demons we've been led to believe (that's a whole other post), and once you get used to them, unsweetened foods are really yummy! We're all just used to things being astoundingly over-sweetened.

If you can't eat a particular thing (gluten, dairy, peanuts, etc), you don't need to pay for fancy alternatives like gluten free bread, plant-based milk, or whatever. There is no single food you can't live without.

If all else fails, buy some vitamins. I recommend a B-vitamin complex that includes B-12 specifically and a basic Vitamin D capsule. But your regular multivitamin, like a generic brand of Centrum, is gonna be great. My roomie has a ton of food aversions and gets by pretty well on Taco Bell and vitamin pills.

(if you have Medicaid try asking your doctor to prescribe vitamins, Medicaid will cover them in most states if you have a prescription)

Those are just things I can think of off the top of my head. I'm sure there's more that I'm forgetting. When people don't have access to this kind of information, they aren't able to leverage the choices that are available to them. And while we work for everyone to have better choices, we need to be able to make the best of what we have.

[oddlovergirl]

Mario Zucchero Headcanons

Ok, so here are my headcanons the man with the snail-do, Mario Zucchero. Yes, I've posted it on his birthday June 21st.

Honestly though, he's frickin dim enough to think Bucci can be intimidated, but the fact that he was able to use his Stand to remain hidden while attacking his enemies made him quite a terrifying opponent than we give credit for.

Ironically for someone whose surname means "sugar" in Italian, he has Type I diabetes. He'd appreciate it if you made him something with artificial sweeteners in it.

He likes interior decorating, though his... 'unique' design choices for his apartment room are something of an acquired taste for Sale whenever the latter comes over. Think of Joe Barbaro's apartment room in Chapter 11 of Mafia II but with a mixed-sea and celestial theme, and you'll get the idea.

Was once held back in driving school. Wonder why.

He is a college dropout.

He got Soft Machine from Black Sabbath's test; he didn't see the point of keeping the lighter on all day when he could just simply turn off the lighter and then relit it. Sure enough, he wounded up being impaled by Black Sabbath's arrow.

I think Soft Machine is the personification of Zucchero's desires to escape sticky situations and turn them around in his favor. Not that it stops him from eventually getting his ass whooped by Bucciarati.

He become half-blind in his right eye after being subjected to the Torture Dance. He has to wear an eyepatch as that right eye became very sensitive to any sort of bright light.

Also now has an emotional trigger to the song played during the Torture Dance. I don't make the rules.

[bugbastard]

It's extra double stupid because it's not even "artificial" in any meaningful sense. MSG is monosodium glutamate. Glutamate is in literally all meat as well as other things that taste savoury, because glutamate is (one of) the proteins your tastebuds detect to determine that it is indeed savoury in the first place. The sodium is just salt sans chloride.

People talk about MSG like it's aspartame, which . . . There's a conversation to be had about the weird way artificial sweeteners are demonized, but I can at least see where people are coming from. MSG is just straight up Literally Regular Ass Shit You Find In Food Always. There's nothing artificial about it.

Genuinely, I don’t know how else to get the word out, but I feel like if your home-cooked dinners don’t taste right, you're missing either paprika, sugar, butter, or chicken bouillon.

[ratcatcher0325]

A Fraction of Justice (Chapter #11)

Hey everyone! I wasn’t really happy with how this chapter came out so I reworked it a bit! Feel free to give it a fresh read!

Chapter #11. Alexander finally meets the human who's home he's trapped in.

Previous: Chapter #10

Next: Chapter #12

CW: Angst, injury, first meeting, adult language

________________________________________

A FRACTION OF JUSTICE

Chapter #11: Knock, Knock... Who's There?

Word Count: 3,967 Read Time: Approx. 31 mins

[Natalie’s POV]

Hunching over my laptop, my bloodshot eyes stinging from the artificial blue light of my display, I buried my head in my hands. Besides that annoying incident with my neighbor’s shitty fucking cat, I’d been at this for more hours than I was willing to count. I hadn’t slept in two days. Reflexively, I opened and closed my right hand, feeling the sting of long, snaking cat scratches beneath my lopsided bandaging job. Fuck, that’d hurt.

“Next time, I promise, I’ll just let you go, if you want out so bad…” There I went talking to no one, out loud, again. I groaned, slamming my hands down on the keyboard. This was what I got for cramming. I knew that. But I was still going to pout, all the same. Without looking up from the ocean of tiny PDF text on my screen, I reached absentmindedly for my coffee. What poured out onto my tongue was not the silky, chock full of sweetener and creamer, delicious roast I’d poured for myself at 4am… Instead, I tasted cold, gritty grinds at the bottom of my mug. I practically spit it all out all over my screen. Ugh, anything else you wanna throw at me, universe?

Rubbing my temples, I realized the inevitable: I wouldn’t make it if I didn’t caffeinate, like, right now. Pushing away from my desk, I snatched up the empty mug and shuffled off to the kitchen. Rocking sweatpants, a dirty, tomato sauce stained Millennium Falcon t-shirt, my hair up in a wild mop on my head and fuzzy socks on my feet, this wasn’t exactly my sexiest look. But I really didn’t give a shit, and it was my apartment, dammit, and I was alone, so what did it matter? Catching my reflection in the hallway mirror, however, I still managed to jump scare myself. Who was that monster looking back at me with her purple, rimmed eyes, chaotic hair and lopsided clothes she hadn’t changed in days? I looked like Rocky at the end of the first movie. Nat, you have got to stop cramming like this, you’re going to keel over at this rate.

Miserably, I shuffled into the kitchen, the bright light stung my eyes and made my head spin. As a rule, I hated bright light, I would dwell in a cave as long as it got a solid wifi signal. With that, I batted the light switch into submission and cast the room into darkness. Well, almost darkness…. For some reason the motion activated light from the pantry was on.

My brow furrowed. I hadn’t been in here for hours. Maybe a bag of chips or something had fallen from the shelf and triggered it. Shrugging, I made my way to the cracked door. It was easy for me to get distracted and just leave things half open like that… well, whatever, my house, my half-assed rules!

But as I rubbed my pained eyes and reached instinctually down for the bag of coffee grinds on the second lowest shelf, my bleary vision focused on one thing that I was certain didn’t belong.

Clinging like the world’s tiniest rock climber to the artificial cliff of white, wooden shelf, was a pet, legs all akimbo. He was holding on with his nails practically raking the cheap paint from the shelf. His grip wouldn’t last forever, and while the height was a meager few feet for me, barely coming up past my shin, it was quite the ominous drop for such a little thing. He must’ve shimmied up the case of water I’d just brought home yesterday. Where the hell did you come from? This is not where little guys like you are supposed to go.

“Well, hello there, little fella… what’re you doing in here? Trying to steal my granola bars?” I spoke softly, trying not to freak him out. I wasn’t exactly delighted that I had some rogue little animal running loose in my house, but I had no intention of hurting him. If I could keep him calm enough to scoop him up, I could at least keep him from wreaking havoc in my apartment. I tried not to make any sudden movements, the last thing I wanted was for him to dart off and hole himself up in some impossible to reach corner where I’d never be able to capture him. Bemused, I bent down with my hands on my knees to get a closer look. He was dangling there from the center of the bottom shelf, swinging wildly, trying to get his legs up enough to pull himself to the next level. Poor little thing, he was trying so hard with no luck at all. As I peered closer, I noticed first just how worse for wear he was, “Woah, you look like shit… what happened to you? You a little runaway?” He ignored me completely, focused solely on getting himself up. Rude. Couldn’t he tell I was just trying to help? Besides, what was the point in putting so much effort into climbing when I could just snatch him right up if I wanted to? And, once he did reach the shelf, what then? He had nowhere to go. His effort seemed adorably silly to me. 

He was covered head to toe in mud. His shirt was tearing at the seams and one of his blue pants legs was just gone, completely, at the knee. He had tiny little brown dress shoes, no bigger than the pad of my index finger. How strange. For someone who’d clearly been left outside for a while, his tattered clothes looked like they’d once been quite nice. What on earth was he doing tromping around in the mud in dress shoes? Was he lost? Separated from his family? He looked bruised and bloodied. He really had been through it, it seemed. I couldn’t tell what color his hair was, since it was so dirtied with grime. In fact, his whole face was difficult to make out. Plus, his back was to me.

I massaged my left temple. I didn’t really have time to nurse anything back to health right now or remember to feed and water a little life that relied on me. Knowing myself, I could see forgetting to feed him altogether and starving the poor thing! I didn’t want a pet. I didn’t have time for one. Not now. Not today. Besides they always kinda freaked me out… uncanny valley and what not. The whole concept had never set right with me. Weren’t they, basically, kinda like people? Rude little people who didn’t answer pointed questions, but people all the same.

I had an exam in less than twenty four hours, that at this rate, with all these distractions, I was practically guaranteed to fail. But… it would be incredibly cruel of me just to toss him out on the doorstep. Wouldn’t it? Little thief or no, he could clearly use my help. The least I could do was get him cleaned up before sending him on his way.

“Here, you’re gonna lose your grip swinging around like that… don’t be scared…lemme help.” I reached out with a finger and thumb to grab hold of his leg and lift him up, onto the shelf.

The second my hand came towards him, he snarled.

“DO NOT TOUCH ME!!” Oh, feisty, are we? What’s got you all worked up?

Chuckling at this sudden outburst of aggression from something so small, I rested my weight back on my heels, and crouched down, watching him struggle. To his credit, he kept at it with valiant effort. I could hear his tiny huffs and grunts as he tuckered himself out. He seemed to notice I was still there, his little brow furrowed.

“What’re you doing? I told you to leave me alone.” You told me? Sassy little thing.

“No, you told me not to touch you. Now, I’m just waiting… you didn’t say there was anything wrong with waiting…”

Between puffs of air, “For… what… exactly?”

“For you to fall.”

“I… won’t…” 

For all his hard work, he finally reaped his reward. His heel dug into the top of the shelf, now he just needed something to grab on to, to pull himself over the edge. “S-see? I’m almost there…”

“Agree to disagree…” what he couldn’t see from his low vantage point, was that the box directly in front of him, the only one within his tiny reach, was empty. The second he tried to use the flimsy cardboard to anchor himself, he was guaranteed to slip and fall.

“Well, this is the part where I prove you wr-w-woah!!!” Check and mate, little man. My hands darted out beneath his falling form. He landed in a heap in my outstretched hand. He might’ve been rude as hell, but he was pretty fucking cute all curled up there in my cupped palm, eyes wide from the whiplash of being caught out of the air. His chest heaved as he laid back, squirming, eyes darting from side to side. No doubt, looking for a means of escape.

“Shhhh…. You’re alright, little one. Nothing to be afraid of, here…. Awww, your little hair is such a mess! It’s practically sticking straight up!” I reached out a finger to poke his gravity defying mop, when his whole body noticeably stiffened.

“I-I’m warning you! Don’t touch me!” His eyes darted briefly down to his hip, his hand following his gaze as if he were planning to reach for something. He stopped, this wasn’t going according to plan for him. He wriggled in my hand and looked down at the floor before huffing, as if disappointed. Had he lost something?

“You’re okay, just calm down… I’ll be gentle, I won’t hurt you…” the second my fingertip brushed against the tips of his mud-caked hair, he coiled back and without a moment’s hesitation, sunk his surprisingly sharp little teeth into the pad of my finger.

Ouch! I was so shocked I cried out and accidentally dropped him! From here, he had a much less dangerous distance to fall, at least. He landed with a little yelp of surprise, wincing in pain. “Son of a bitch!!! That hurt!” I looked at my finger, crimson blood beading at the surface. I stuck it in my mouth and sucked the iron rich liquid from the tiny wound. Okay, that was enough. I’d caught this little bastard breaking into my pantry with his grubby, greedy little hands and instead of beating him with a rolled up newspaper, I took pity on him and tried to help… and this was the thanks I got?? What was in the water today? Why did everyone’s pets want to disfigure me??

How dare he. Well, if he wanted to be treated like the disgusting little vermin he was, then fine, that’s what I’d do. He was recovering from his fall and trying to scramble to his feet. You’re not going anywhere, mister. “Alright, nope. That’s where I draw the line. I tried to help you, you little asshole. No more biting. Bad pet!” I shook my bloodied finger at him, while pressing my other index into his chest making him fall back, flat on the floor. Oh, if looks could kill. He was an angry little man, now. He fought fiercely against my hold, snarling and making all kinds of ugly little faces as he kicked and squirmed.

“Take your fingers off of me! And don’t speak to me like I’m five!”

“You fucking bit me! You don’t see that as a childish reaction?”

“I told you not to touch me! You didn’t listen! Now… Let. Me. Go!!”

He snarled wildly, spitting on the finger that held him captive, when I didn’t budge, “Did you just—?? Okay that’s it. You act like a rat, you go to rat jail… come here you little nightmare.” I plucked him up off the floor with a finger and thumb wrapped firmly around the circumference of his chest, pinning his arms, uselessly, to his sides. His face flushed bright red as he flexed and strained against my grip.

“Release me right now you insufferable, idiotic, madwoman!”

As he screamed his pathetic little demands at me, I rose to my feet and crossed the kitchen to the cabinet above my sink, fishing around for the item I knew was there. I gripped it with my free hand. As he locked eyes with it, he immediately understood.

Shouting at the top of his lungs, he wrenched and writhed, “You wouldn’t dare!”

With both hands full, I walked back to my office.

“Oh, I consider myself to be a pretty daring person…” I sat back in my swivel chair. He continued to squirm inside my fist. “Besides,” I continued, “What are you gonna do about it?” With one fell motion, I dropped him onto the surface of the desk (he only fell about a quarter of an inch to the wooden surface), before swiftly placing the heavy duty, clear glass mixing bowl over top, trapping him inside a crystal clear igloo of sorts.

He was irate. Screaming at me until his face turned blue. I’ll admit I was pretty amused by all his tiny fury. I gestured to my ears and shrugged, letting him know, “Sorry, little buddy, I can’t hear a damn thing coming out of your mouth right now…” he slammed his fists on the glass, leaving little smudges.

Sorry I had to put you in time out, but you’re making it impossible to get back to work. At least it was quiet now, well, besides the thunk, thunk, thunk of his little palms smacking the glass. I tried to ignore it as I scrolled to the next chapter. But, like the infuriating sound of a dripping faucet in the middle of the night, I finally reached my limit of listening to his muffled cries and pounding. Without looking over, I flicked the glass with my nail. Instead of the blessed silence I was expecting, I heard a distinct wailing and the tiny thud of his little body crashing to the floor.

I looked back down to see him crumpled on the ground, doubled over in pain, his hands hovering over the knee with the ripped slacks. Oh my god. My heart stuck in my throat. He was hurt! Badly hurt, based on his reaction. I must’ve unknowingly flicked his injured leg. I felt a pang of guilt wash through me. “No wonder you’re being such a little handful. You’re hurt and scared, aren’t you?” He looked up at me when the sound of my voice reverberated through the glass, not comprehending my words but searching for my face to tell how I was reacting. Poor little thing, he’d puffed himself up before to hide his weakness. Quickly, I lifted the dome up and away. He cowered. He was free from his makeshift prison, yes, but now there was no wall between us… I could easily grab him, if I wanted. “Hey, hey, it’s okay. Don’t shake… oh, poor little fella! Don’t tremble… Hey, I didn’t realize you were injured so badly. No wonder you were such a standoffish little prick. I’m sorry I reacted so strongly about you biting me. You were just trying to defend yourself, weren’t you? I see that now. I’m sorry I hurt you. I really didn’t mean to. Are you okay?” He nodded half heartedly. I didn’t think he really believed me. “Mind if I take a look? I won’t do anything to you unless you ask for my help, okay? I just wanna see what you’ve got going on, and it’s too little to tell from here.” With a terse nod and clenched jaw, he relented. I could see under his mask of neutrality, he was scared. He was forced to rely on me to be gentle and kind. Luckily, I had every intention of being just that. Brave little thing.

He was now splayed on the desk, both legs straight out in front of him, leaning his body weight back on the heels of his palms. I dragged my desk lamp with its bendable goose neck closer to where the little pet lay. He flinched at first, as if trying to get out of the way, “No, no. You stay put, I just wanted a better look, that’s all.” Fishing out a magnifying glass, which I kept for fine print and sifting though old documents, from my desk drawer, I gazed at his destroyed knee joint. It looked excruciating from this close. My mirror neurons kicked in as I winced in empathetic pain. “Jesus… that looks awful. What…. What happened to you?“ It’s like the joint had been crushed and torn with incredible force, his flesh was basically shredded.

Without looking up, he mumbled to the floor, “Dog…” Shit. Just about everything is poised to kill you at your stature, isn’t it? Oh! Was that why—???

“Elvis was chasing you! That’s why he went after the roses… you were in there, weren’t you? And I must’ve, unknowingly, carried you inside….” He was massaging his forehead methodically with his fingers as I spoke, when I finished, he looked up at me bleary-eyed. At first, I thought he’d finally softened. He’d been exposed, made vulnerable. We both knew how much he needed help, wether he liked it or not. But as he craned his neck straight up above him to look at me, his eyes hardened.

“Wow, we’ve got a real Sherlock Holmes here. Incredible deduction!” He even had the audacity to slow clap. Who did this little piece of work think he was?

“You’re awfully rude for someone who’s completely at my mercy right now. You want me to break the other leg so I guarantee you won’t run away?” I didn’t really mean it, of course. But I watched as his face grew a little paler and his mouth hung open, searching for words as he crossed his arms defensively over his chest. He stammered, coming up with nothing. I smirked, finally ran out of snarky remarks, huh? “That’s what I thought!”

Returning to the task at hand, I winced at how swollen and irritated his leg looked. “Hey, I know you hate me right now, but we need to get you all cleaned up before that wound gets infected. You willing to suffer in my company a little longer to get that taken care of?” His tensely crossed arms relaxed for a fraction of a second as I saw behind his veneer of stoic, sarcastic bravery and noticed a sparkle ignite behind his eye at the idea of being clean. It was the closest thing I’d seen to him expressing anything remotely positive. I’d take it as a baby step towards progress. “Is it okay if I pick you up?” He immediately stiffened again, making a face. He clenched his jaw, tendons, however tiny, rising to the surface of his cheek. What’s your deal little man? I’m not gonna torture you, or anything. You’ve got to get to the bathroom, somehow, and it’ll take you hours all by yourself. Avoiding my eyes, he calculated the impossibility of the situation and accepted that he’d have to be touched, before giving a curt nod. “Thank you, I’ll be very careful…” Gently this time, I gathered his limp, pathetic little body into my waiting palms. Pinching him just under his arms with a thumb and forefinger, I guided him to a sitting position in my cupped hand. I stared intently at his eyes, looking for any sign of pain I may be causing him before carting him off to the bathroom. He refused to look at me.

Setting him down on the counter, and plugging the sink, I filled the basin with enough hot water for him to soak in, but not too much to keep him from having to swim. He zeroed in on the drain for some reason, seeming distracted, distant. “Hey! Were you even listening to me?” He blinked rapidly as his eyes floated up to meet mine, if only for a moment. When he wasn’t all red in the face from screaming at me, he was positively adorable. I caught a flash of bright, almost icy blue irises before he cast his gaze down again. Cute little thorn in my side. “Like I said, I don’t have time to sit here and babysit you, so if you need something you can text my computer from my phone. See?” I pulled the device from my pocket and waved it in front of him. It was a big as he was! He hardly looked up. I couldn’t tell if he was paying attention or even understanding what I was saying, “Look, here, you just press these keys. Like this…You can keyboard mash anything you like, I’ll know it’s from you. Then, hit this little button and it’ll send. See! It’s like magic! Ooh! Pretty cool huh? You can even send little pictures with faces and hearts and stuff, that’s pretty aweso—“

His head suddenly snapped up, he looked disgusted, “Oh, do shut up, will you? I know how to use a phone. And I’m perfectly literate. I’m not nearly as stupid and incompetent as you seem to think I am.” Did… did this tiny man just tell me to shut up? My heart beat quickened. I didn’t know wether to be angry or impressed. For someone so tiny, the guy had balls. He was lucky he’d stumbled into the apartment of someone with a conscience. We’d only just met and he was already getting on my last nerve. I blinked rapidly for a moment, recovering.

“Well, Professor Pipsqueak, in case you forgot, you’re not innately born with the ability to read, either. Someone had to teach you those big SAT vocabulary words… most owners don’t bother to do that… After all, what’s the point?” He scoffed, something hit a nerve there, but it only made me more defensive, “Forgive me if I didn’t just immediately jump to the conclusion that some human had taken the time to familiarize you with the written word and modern tech. How the fuck was I supposed to know that?” Why did I decide to rescue you, again? Oh yeah, because I have a heart, or whatever. I didn’t think this little ball of rage had ever possessed such a thing. Why couldn’t I have gotten lucky and found a sweet, docile pet that would just sit by quietly and look cute while I studied? How did I end up with this little shit instead?

“Well?” I was broken from my train of thought, he stood there, hands on hips, “Are you going to leave, now?” I just stared at him. What was this little guy’s problem? He sighed tersely, crossing his arms, “Any day now, before all the water gets cold…” He literally shooed me with his hands! I was going to have to have a come to Jesus meeting with this pet and his attitude! Steam started to erupt from my ears for just a moment, before I tamped it down, breathing slowly. He was clearly in a bad way, maybe being a little asshat was how he needed to cope. I let it slide.

“Just text me if you’re drowning or dead or something… cool?”

He gave me a hard sarcastic stare, before eyeing the water greedily. I’m sure it would feel amazing to get clean after what it seemed like he’d been through. With that, I closed the door and gave my pocket-sized burglar a chance to relax on his own.

I wondered, maybe not too absentmindedly, how long it would take for a wound like that to heal. Surely not anytime soon. Maybe I’d just unknowingly adopted this tiny creature? Certainly, for the time being, at least. I wondered how long I’d be able to stand his attitude before wanting to throttle the life out of the little guy. What a strange pet. I wondered if he’d be less cranky after getting clean… only time would tell.

[gluttonygirls]

Loans are always a double edged sword when you take them. It’s important to make sure that you know you can eventually pay them back... but with this one, you hadn’t. That might be why only a shady group like this was willing to lend to you, since you always seemed to flake out on these deals. There was no skipping out on this loan, however.

Pulling the bag off your head, you squinted against the brighter lights over your head. The sudden shift had you struggling to regain consciousness. Had they taken you from your house while you were sleeping? Trying to stand up, a pair of handcuffs around your ankle clicked, chaining you to your chair. Groggy, you snapped to attention as the intercom above you hissed.

“There is a plate in front of you. Finish what is on it, and the debt is cleared, boy.”

Wincing at the harsh tone, you glanced down in front of you. On a pristine silver platter was a stack of doughnuts, haphazardly piled up to almost two feet tall. All kinds of flavors and icings dripped across the pile, oozing sugar and batter, enough to turn your nose from how rich it all was. They couldn’t be serious, right?

At least they hadn’t shot you.

Sighing in defeat, you reached out and picked up one of the doughnuts. It took both hands just to heft the thing up. Balancing it precariously in your grasp, you slowly sank your teeth down into it. A wave of artificial flavors and sweeteners hit your tongue, a cornucopia of saccharin tastes. Groaning in delight, you couldn’t help but start to eat the rest of it, scarfing it down as best you could. This was supposed to be a punishment? It was delicious.

Hiking up the next one, licking what was left of the sugar off your lips, you hardly noticed as you changed with every bite. Sure, your stomach was bulging forward, that was obvious, but were your hips always so... shapely? Wriggling in your seat in delight, you barely even felt the added jiggle as your chest seemed to swell forward with more than just fat. Your strong, broad shoulders slimmed for just a brief moment before bulging back out with lard layered on them, powerful biceps vanishing as marshmallow coated bingo wings tore through your clothes.

Shaking your head, an airy giggle pushed past your lips, an impish sound that was far higher pitched than you’d ever spoken before. Hair tumbled down your back, the short black cut you kept billowing out into a bright pink. Despite all the rips and tears of your clothes, you didn’t mind that much, a big beauty like you deserved to flaunt all those acres of skin, right?

But strangest of all? No matter how much you managed to eat, that pile never seemed to get any smaller. Even as the restraint around your ankle bent and broke off of your swelling legs, even as your ass pummeled the chair to pieces, forcing you to huff and lean against the table instead, even as your stomach slammed down to the ground, holding you up more than your weak thighs, it remained just as tall as you’d left it.

Grabbing one in each hand, jamming them past your lips and moaning as more sugar hit your tongue, you heard a clapping behind you. The pair of loan sharks stood behind you, clapping their hands together as they stared at you.

“Atta girl, that’s what we were looking for. Most can’t even handle half that weight, but you? You’re a big shot, darling~”

Giggling, licking your lips clean, you grab a another fistful of doughnut in each hand as you waddle after them, eager to spend time with...

...Hmm, you don’t remember how you ended up here anymore.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cameras clicked, people applauded, and you felt a warm glow of pride in your chest as you struck another pose. Your breath came up in hot puffs from your lips, the cool autumn air catching you and cooling your right back down as you worked. The seams of your outfit creaked and groaned, your intricate Tamamo cosplay being pushed to the limit as your fat body wobbled inside of it. Swinging your hips, your bloated figure knocked against the other cosplay beside you, then jiggling back to smack the other one to your side as well. All three of you giggled, grasping at your fat rolls and folds, shaking them as more people stepped forward. Your managers grinned, counting the money they’d get for every photo they allowed, a long, long line behind them.

It’s hard to remember why you were doing this, when it all started, why you adored being so big... but anytime you started do have your doubts, there were always more doughnuts to eat.

[prettynxsty]

Again

Sub!Kevin x Domme!Reader

Contains: futa/girlcock, mentions/use of alcohol, pwp, squirting, Kevin has a pussy, fingering.

Summary: You and Kevin have a slightly established relation to the effect of being friends. Both of you are drunk and have filthy sex. There’s hardly any plot this time, sorry lmfao.

AN: :))))) here is some sub!Kevin, bc there’s not enough. And one good niche fanfic for the children, be fed.

You have a plastic cup in your hand, swirling with something mixed with soda. Kevin, he's swaying in a small crowd of his friends, wearing the smallest fucking shorts and a cropped hoodie with a shirt underneath. So naturally, you slide your way through and down the last few sips of your drink before tossing the cup onto a nearby table. You slip your hands around his waist and press against him in a slight hug, following his rhythm. He glances back and quirks a small smile.

You didn't realize that he could completely feel your dick against him until he rolls his hips and presses back against you. Your hands slip over his lower belly and glide firmly down his thighs before dancing back up to grip his hips. You danced with him until the song tapered down. As you began to pull away, he turned to face you and wrapped his arms around your neck.

You didn't completely want to leave either, so you settled your hands back on his hips and nudged your knee between his thighs. He does the same and grinds forward over your thigh. A chill climbs your spine as his thigh scrubs over your bulge. You kept on back and forth like that through the next song.

You look up at him, seeing no reason to hold yourself back and lean into his mouth. You can taste the artificial sweeteners of a hard lemonade when you kiss him. He opened his mouth for more, but you suckled his bottom lip between your own and bit it before pulling away. Leaning toward his ear, you whispered for him to find you later and you’d bring him back to your place.

You sauntered away to your friends, hanging and dancing with them for a while before plopping yourself onto a vacant couch. You were getting a little sweaty anyway. After a while, you were getting ready to push yourself off of the linen cushion and try to find him, but he seemed to know where you’d be already. He had a stupid little bounce in his step, a little wobbly from toeing the line of blackout drunk. His phone was clutched in his fist as he straddled your lap and sat straight down.

"Missed you.."

He slurred off the rest of his sentence, cupping your cheeks and giving you a wet kiss. The vodka punch tasted a lot better on his tongue than the lemonade from earlier. He makes a breathy noise when your teeth scrape his fat little tongue.

You were still at a party, and you were both clearly ready to get out of there. But there was nothing wrong with sampling the food. Your lips part with a wet smack and you kissed along the corner of his mouth, stopping to suck a hickey on the underside of his jaw. Things were getting a bit more dangerous. You slid my hand up his stomach and locked it firmly around the base of his throat.

He was so stupid when he was drunk. He was probably trying to text Jacob and let them know that you were leaving together. But it shouldn't have been a surprise that he'd slipped to his camera and pressed record. His mouth fell open as you squeezed the sides of his throat, pressing wet kisses along the column.

"Mnh, kiss me again," he whispered. 

His eyes fluttered shut as you moved your head from his throat and back up to his mouth. He loses himself in the way you thrust your tongue in between his lips, his thumb brushing over the button to stop the recording as he falls into you.

The noise of the party re-enters your ears and reminds you that you wanted to take him back to your apartment. He makes a whiny noise when you stop kissing him, bottom lip swollen, puffing out in a pout.

"Come on, let's go back to mine."

.

Back in your apartment, his steps are a little shier, as if he hadn't visited plenty of times before. His fingers curl a little tighter against yours as you nudge the door shut with your foot before toeing off your shoes. In the sanctuary of your room, you blinked blearily.

"Get naked for me, baby."

You unlocked your phone with your thumbprint, connecting to the speaker beside your bed. In no way were you all the way gone, but reading wasn't as easy as it was when you were sober. You flicked upward until you settled on a playlist and set your phone on the side table.

You stopped in the middle of yanking down your underwear, seeing just how wet he'd gotten. It was just enough to make the smallest damp spot through the tiny slivers of blue silk hugging his cunt.

You let your garments pool at your ankles, kicking them against the pile of clothes you created. You shuffle over and plop down on the side of your bed, thighs spread. Kevin seemed to have some intentions in mind, slipping off of the mattress and onto his knees between your thighs. He didn't have to ask you to touch it, because he knew you’d love how he worked it. 

"So fucking big.." He marveled.

Wrapping his cool fingers around the base. His tongue lolls over his bottom lip as he gently slaps the head against the center of his tongue. He stopped to swallow, parting his lips and cramming part of your dick into his mouth.

His mouth goes from wet to sticky and slippery as he bobs his head up and down. He jacks off what he can't reach, lips kissing the top of his knuckles as he swallows down. You hissed, resting a hand on the back of his head, twirling your fingers through his little black locks.

Kevin makes a small noise in the back of his throat, he swallowed just a little too much and lurched forward. He didn't seem very phased by it, because he just kept going. As much as you enjoyed watching the game, you really liked to play. You pressed down on the back of his head just a bit and he seemed to understand, shifting his hands to rest on your bare thighs. Steadily you pushed him down, you could feel his drool leaking down your shaft.

Your toes curled and your chest rumbled with a groan. Your knuckles tighten in his hair, yanking him back with a smirk. He panted noisily through his nose, tongue darting out and sweeping across his lips.

"You're such a fucking pretty boy." Your hand drifts from his head, cupping his chin and thumbing apart his lips.

"Open." You command.

You spit in his mouth, chest bouncing with a laugh.

"Get up on the bed, lemme see your pussy."

His eyes widened, swallowing as he shakily rose from his haunches to climb up on the bed. You reach out a hand and grab his, steadying him as he climbs up.

He rolls onto his back, propped up against your pillows with his thighs spread. Had he gotten this wet from you using him?

“I want you to cum over and over again.”

Kevin was already in such a daze, sleeping with the person he’s been in love with for so long. God, he was already so drunk. No one had ever made him feel this hot. All of the boyfriends, girlfriends, and hookups just used him and kicked him out.

It’d make sense that you’d be better than all of them combined..

You crawled between his thighs, resting your hands on the softer flesh as you leaned up to kiss him before descending.

Meal time.

You spat at his mound, watching a shiver travel its way up his body as your saliva drips down his puffy labia. You hummed, leaning in and scrub your tongue against the swollen pink lip. You sucked it between your lips, gently tonguing it.

You slip your fingers into your mouth, lathering them. He whines pitifully as you drag your fingers over his slit, nudging apart his inner pink to slip your fingers in. His voice shakes as you work your index and middle into him. You flick your tongue around the hood of his clit, resting the heel of your palm against his skin.

You dug in deeply, curling your fingers upward. His voice rises in pitch, hips squirming.

You pull your fingers out to the second knuckle before pushing them back in with a wet sound, digging in and out before suddenly increasing in speed.

His drawn out moans break into short cries through his noisy panting. His pale muff rosied as your palm slapped against it.

He could never get quite used to the rhythm because you changed it so often. He clenches his teeth, tensing his core as he thrashed his head against your pillows.

“Fuck- oh fuck! F- uckfuckfuck!” He squealed, his inner thighs trembled against your wrist. You shift your free hand, gripping the upper portion of his left thigh and pin it down.

“Oh my god, unh!” The Weeknd’s crooning voice leaks under the door, the melody rattled the walls enough to keep your neighbors blissfully unaware.

-

I put you on top.

-

“I’m gonna fuckin’-!” He threw his head back, back arching in the prettiest curve. You couldn’t have mistaken the wet noise and warmth coating your fingers. You carry him through it, jerking your fingers in and out even though your wrist began to ache.

-

So call out my name.

-

Droplets splatter as you plunged in and out of him, slowing your pace as he tried to squirm away. You slid your fingers up the length of his folds, smearing his cum over the crook of his inner thigh. Just about a teaspoon of his milk, spurting over his hole and running down the backs of his thighs down to his ass.

“I’m not done, I wanna make you cum again.”

He looks up at you rising onto your knees with amazement in his eyes, glittering with the kiss of almost-tears.

You prop the crooks of his knees over your hips, scooting forward as you pumped your cock in 

your hand.

-

I want you to stay.

-

You tilt your head down, carefully spitting onto your shaft and massage in a few globules. For his sake, you reconsidered for a second, releasing your cock and letting it plop onto his cunt. Reaching forward, you stabilized yourself with a single hand on the headboard as you leaned forward to dig in your side table.

You pop the cap with your thumb, leaning back and squirt a generous amount over your dick and a small puddle on top of Kevin’s cunt. Clicking it closed, you tossed the tube back into the drawer and nudged it shut.

Resting back on your calves, you spread the lube over your shaft down to your very base. With care, you swept your fingers through the small pool dribbling over his blood swollen lips and spread it around.

-

When I- Kiss you- So gently-.

-

He watches you with a reverence, nudging apart his lips with your cock before slipping it past the mess he’d already made.

He breathes in deeply, your dick was quite a bit thicker than your fingers. You leaned down, propping yourself up on your elbows and pressed a kiss to his mouth. You swallowed his heavy breaths, just pressing your lips to his over and over again.

He could feel the tingling in his hamstrings from being folded forward like this. You rebound slowly after bottoming out, pressing in even deeper than you’d reached before.

You jumped quickly from moving slowly to reaching a moderate pace once he seemed a bit more accommodated. It didn’t hurt him, but the stretch felt so overwhelming.

“More,” he moans foolishly, kissing your upper lip.

You’d give him exactly what he needed, because you needed the same. You reared your hips back, pounding into him. Your thighs clapped against the back of his, and he was too far gone to return your kisses.

You felt his thighs shaking, his socked feet flopped uselessly in the air as you used him. He could only gasp noisily, his exhales are slutty keens.

“Oh fuck, you like it when I use you like this?” You panted, pressing wet kisses below his ear.

“U-h uh!” He babbled, throwing his arms around your neck and pulling you closer to him.

“Unh! F- uck! Again! Again, again, again!” He squeals, biting down on his bottom lip before falling into a noiseless moan.

You growled, clenching your teeth as he spasms and clenches around you. He was even more fucking wet and slippery, you were so fucking close.

You couldn’t control the animal inside of you, wrapping your arms around him before hammering in. Kevin’s cries were almost loud enough to rival the music as you abused his cunt, fucking his cum back into him.

You couldn’t take it anymore, it was a voice, just barely a whisper in the back of your mind to remind you that you couldn’t breed him yet. You growled something inhuman, ugly, freeing your dick from his cunt and hump against it like a dog.

Your voice loses its bass, shaking as viscous droplets and ropes splatter over his stomach, jumping with each deep breath.

You peel apart your eyes, he just simply watched you. Worshipful. He moves his hand to the back of your head, pulling you in to peck your mouth as you slumped against him.

[quicksilversquared]

One of the head banders at my station keeps telling us “interesting information about stuff” that he’s learned (he has not at any point specified where) and. Like. It’s not even true.

He said that Maryland is a Common Law state, along with a bunch of the other original colonies/general New England area, and that that means that if two people live together for a year, they’re considered to have a common law marriage (Maryland is not a Common Law state, those states aren’t even concentrated in the New England area, and where the fuck did he get one year from like???). He has claimed that the FDA changed the legal definition of a vaccine so that the COVID vaccines would be included (I can find literally nothing supporting that and the definition I found for a vaccine would definitely include the COVID one). He went off on a tangent about how the amount of gluten in wheat has “dramatically increased” over the past 50-100 years and “that’s why more people are getting celiac” (the amount of gluten has stayed the same, as per a scientific paper I looked up); he also was saying something about the accuracy of the blood tests and something about a stool test? Literally I don’t know where he gets this information, considering that what he said and what I’m finding with Google are complete opposites. And then today, it was something about the federal definition of milk and how milk companies are sneaking artificial sweeteners into normal milk to make it taste better and they don’t have to declare it or something......all of which is, of course, not fucking accurate.

....I just don’t get how one person can hear, absorb, and believe so much random-ass misinformation and not do any freaking research to confirm/deny what he hears.

[hanatiny]

[2:36] Love Bites

a/n: You give me too much power with your wonderful ideas, @truebluejoong​​ 😉 This one’s for you~

pairing: sub!Hongjoong x vampire!f!reader

genre: fluff + smut

word count: 2567

warnings: non-idol AU, reader is smooth as hell and makes Joong a shy blushy boi, some body worship, spanking (only one smack, but might as well tag it just to be sure), mentions of blood, biting (for obvious reasons), hair pulling, reader pegging Joong, he’s highkey a masochist, also into leather, also very vocal about his enjoyment :)

-----

You could’ve sworn you felt something beat in your undead chest for the first time in centuries when you first saw him in that dimly lit vinyl record store you randomly walked into one pleasantly warm evening - or, well, rather morning for you.

Was that what people called “love at first glance”? Or was it “at first sight”…? You weren’t entirely sure.

“Ma'am, I’m sorry, but we’re gonna close up soon so I don’t know if you really want.. to…” he trailed off, forgetting what he was about to say; his timid voice had made you turn to look at him and he was mesmerized immediately.

A blush warmed his cheeks and you chuckled softly at how speechless he was.

“Hm~ I came here to browse for a while, that’s a shame… Though now I might just get something else entirely.” You smiled sweetly at him as you approached the counter he stood at, your steps sounding louder in his ears while his blush deepened with every passing second. “A-and what would that be?” You hummed, pretending to be lost in thought before you locked eyes with him. “I’ll take your number, for starters~ Maybe your heart if I’m lucky…” You purposefully insinuated something more beyond that, but you knew he’d never actually guess it correctly with how flustered he was.

His breath caught in his throat and he choked in shock, regaining the remnants of his composure surprisingly quickly. “Well, I-I suppose I could give that to you.. M-my number that is! Not, you know…”

“I think we’ll see about that soon enough… Hongjoong~” You teasingly uttered his name after your eyes flicked to the name tag that stuck to his shirt, and, amused, you watched him break eye contact to hastily scribble his phone number onto a small piece of paper, then handing it to you with a shaky hand.

You smiled brightly, satisfied, before you tucked the paper into your pocket and blew him a kiss as you spun on your heel, making your way towards the door again, hesitating for a moment when you pushed it open. You tilted your head back as he called out for you, “W-wait a second! I never got your name..?” You hummed as you replied with a wink, “Oh, it’s Y/n. Make sure to remember~”

And with that, you walked away and the door fell closed behind your shadow-clad form. Hongjoong ran a hand through his already ruffled white hair, letting out a sigh, surprised by how much of an effect you’d had on him as he swore he could’ve seen a pair of fangs flashing in your smile. His friend and coworker, Mingi, walked out from the back room at that moment, giving a quizzical look as he crossed his arms. “What the hell’s up with you hyung, didn’t you always say you had a heart of stone?” “Oh, you have no idea… I don’t know what this woman did to me, but believe me, you’d understand if you saw her. She’s just…” ‘Perfect’, he wanted to say, but he bit his tongue so he wouldn’t have to deal with Mingi’s nonstop teasing for the rest of the month.

Hongjoong had a week off from work, and you more than happily took the opportunity to convince him to spend the time with you at your place. You snapped out of your daydream when you felt your sleeping lover’s body stir in your arms as he huffed and whined repeatedly, shifting suddenly and sitting up. You mimicked his movements, slightly worried as you gently cupped his chin with your cold hand, tilting his face towards yours. With a small frown upon spotting them, you kissed away the tears that stained his pale cheeks.

“What’s wrong, Joongie? Anything I can help with?” you inquired, eyeing him carefully. He shook his head dismissively. “Just a nightmare, I’ll be fine.” “If you say so…” you whispered as you protectively wrapped your arm around your boyfriend, and he took the incentive to lean into you as you played with his hair lovingly. “Y/n..?” You hummed softly in response. “Would you wanna try… feeding off of me? I liked when you accidentally bit my tongue the other day, but I want you to do it on purpose…” he shyly requested, and you blinked at him, taken aback.

Sure, you had bitten his tongue while making out with him - pierced his lip once too, now that you thought about it - but you’ve adamantly refused to feed off of Hongjoong thus far, because to you he meant more than just a food source to eventually throw away - if you were perfectly honest, he was the love of your eternal life and thinking about possibly having to live without him one day made you sadder than you’d care to admit.

“If you’re sure about it, baby…” your voice trailed off as you leaned in, gently pushing your significant other back down to the mattress and straddling his waist. “Ah, yes. I-I’m sure~” You’d recognize that kind of stutter anywhere: He was getting turned on, and it was your sign to get to work.

You started pressing wet, open-mouthed kisses over his collarbone and jawline, pulling the collar of his shirt to the side for easier access as you coaxed erotic whines from Hongjoong’s lips. You paid extra close attention to how he reacted when you traced a line down the particularly prominent vein on his neck with your tongue, and when you noticed his breath escape him in short pants, you smirked against his skin. You slid one of your hands down between your bodies and palmed his growing erection, which was previously pressing against your own heated sex, through his pants and a soft whine tumbled from his lips, the sweetest one you’ve heard from him yet, causing you to let out a pleased hum.

Licking your lips, you made eye contact to the best of your abilities and, as gently as you could considering your surfacing thirst, sank your teeth into your boyfriend’s neck as he cried out in pleasure. Your eyes rolling back into your head as you tasted his blood, sweetened from arousal and making you dizzy from how good it was, you heard broken mewls escape Hongjoong’s lips as you sucked his blood and moaned quietly against his neck. His hands, which he usually tended to tangle in your hair whenever you got intimate, slid down past your waist this time, stopping abruptly on your thighs. “Y-y/n, what-” he interrupted himself with his whimpers as you hummed knowingly, detaching yourself from his neck and licking the wound clean. “A harness, my love. Didn’t you say you wanted to let me take even more control~?” You gave him a challenging look, daring him to disagree and deny what he wanted. “I-I did…”

Satisfied with his answer, you sealed his lips with yours, greedily swallowing his quiet moans as Hongjoong bucked his hips up into your hand and dug his hands into the straps of your harness, or at least what little he could feel of them through the fabric of your shorts. He tried to follow your lips when you eventually pulled away, but you gently pushed your lover back down to the mattress with a fond grin.

“Patience~ On your front, babyboy, ass up.” you ordered with a lilted hum, stepping away from the bed to grab the lube and dildo from your nightstand and taking off all your clothes except for your harness before you skillfully affixed the artificial length to the leather straps decorating your crotch area. You turned to Hongjoong afterwards, the glint of mischief flashing in your darkened eyes daring him to say something.  His mouth went dry as his breath hitched, realizing you wore the top part of your garment too - which accentuated your chest beautifully, in his humble opinion - when he fully took in the sight of you, whining and squirming pathetically while his pupils dilated noticeably.

You could tell his words had left him completely the second you licked your lips suggestively, his body shaking with excitement as a smirk crept its way onto your face and you tilted your head when you climbed back onto the bed, pulling his hips closer to yours as he bunched up the bedsheets in his hands.

“Cute… I’m not even doing anything, and you’re already this needy~” you cooed as you studied his reactions intently, the action coming easy to you thanks to your naturally heightened senses, noticing every hardly audible, strained inhale and the way he’d try to relief some of the pressure between his legs by shifting his weight from one to the other. A futile attempt that backfired greatly, as it turned out, his erection now straining against his pants even more as he groaned in frustration and arousal both.

“Aww, need help baby~?” You leaned forward and pulled on his hair so you could see his facial expressions better, and the broken whimper that sounded told you everything you needed to know as you slipped Hongjoong’s pants down his hips, noting the absence of underwear with interest, and wrapped a hand around his hardened length as he whined.

You trailed soft kisses up his back, wondering in the back of your mind when he’d gotten rid of his shirt while you stroked him slowly and hummed against his skin. “You’re so pretty… You have no idea how good you look underneath me right now, baby~” you purred lowly as you gently squeezed his cock, his mouth falling open in a silent moan.

Your free hand, previously dancing along his thigh with teasingly light touches, was now drenched in lubricant after you dipped your fingers into the bottle before shoving it to the side carelessly and bringing your hand up to your boyfriend’s ass to give it a light smack, leaving a red wet handprint on the cheek as his body arched upwards with a lustful whine.

His dick throbbed in the hand that enveloped it, now leaking precum from its tip. You inched your wet fingers closer towards his eager hole, pausing for a moment when you reached it, your mischief filled eyes narrowing slightly.

“Joongie~? Have you been touching yourself?” Your sultry tone sounded threatening in that moment and he squirmed bashfully, averting his eyes. “Yes… I-I’m sorry~” You could hear the genuine regret in his whiny voice and cooed.

“It’s alright, just would’ve appreciated if you told me, it could’ve saved me some time, precious~” you whispered, leaning over him to brush your lips against his earlobe as you slowly pushed yourself into him and he arched into you with a broken, loud moan, eyes starting to tear up in pleasure when you sunk your fangs into the side of his neck you didn’t bite earlier, sucking harshly as he whimpered pitifully.

“Please, Y/n… M-more…~” he croaked out amidst a groan, causing you to smirk slyly into his neck before you pulled away after a few moments. “Hm~ As much as it turns me on to know you enjoy me biting you, I don’t wanna suck you dry, babyboy… At least not dry of your blood, you know I’ll gladly swallow something else though~”

You could easily tell how flustered your boyfriend was at the thought of you sucking him off while your fangs would graze his length carefully, face flushed a bright red as he chewed his bottom lip.

You roughly snapped your hips into his and, if you didn’t know any better, the moan he let out was so loud and so sexual that you would’ve thought he had an actual cock in his ass right now. -  -  - 

“Sounds so beautiful… Ah~” You struggled to form a coherent sentence, getting off on the lewd noises and pleas for more that escaped his lips like a forbidden chant as you fucked him roughly and stroked his cock in tandem with your powerful thrusts. You accidentally squeezed it a little harder than intended at one point, coaxing a hoarse whimper to be vocalized from beneath you that sounded heavenly to your ears and you paused briefly when he gasped.

“P-please, could you do that again~? I’m.. I’m close…” he begged breathlessly, and with how nice it sounded, you couldn’t possibly deny him what he wanted.

You roughly squeezed Hongjoong’s cock while you picked up your pace again, and it didn’t exactly take long for the violent tremors of his climax to overwhelm him as he dug his hands into the bedsheets with a soft moan of your name, his cum painting both your hand and his stomach a milky white as you continued your ministrations for a little while to help him ride out his orgasm.

“Good boy~” you cooed affectionately when you removed yourself from his body, leaving the room momentarily to grab a washcloth to clean him with. You gently rolled your significant other onto his side to do so when he spoke huskily, causing you to pause for a moment and look up at him.

“You didn’t cum yet, babe, do you want me… to…?” You chuckled softly at the glint in his eyes that told you just how eager he was to please you despite his fairly obvious fatigue, waving your hand at him dismissively as he trailed off. “It’s fine, I’ll probably do something about it on my own later. You should rest, love. It’s late~”

He pouted adorably, a warm smile growing on your face at the sight while you resumed your task at hand. You carefully put the cloth to the side when you finished, shuffling up to Hongjoong’s heated body to spoon him and press tender kisses to his neck as you watched him slowly doze off in your arms.

The next morning, when you were about to fall asleep, you suddenly heard a loud whine coming from the bathroom and had your arms wrapped around Hongjoong’s frame from behind him in a matter of very few seconds, now wide awake, humming with a knowing smirk as you met his eyes in the mirror.

He tilted his head to the side while he inspected the marks on his neck with a pout, and it took every ounce of self-restraint you had acquired over the years to not bite him right then and there now that you knew how sweet his blood was.

“Y/n, you really took ‘love bites’ to a whole new level… How am I supposed to cover these up when I go back to work..~?” Your breath fanned over his sensitive neck as you exhaled pointedly, a cheeky gleam dancing in your eyes.

“Don’t. I want everyone to see, everyone to know who you belong to, baby~ What if I add a few more, hm? Wouldn’t you like that, Joongie~?” Your teasing tone made him tense up and flush a bright red as he avoided your gaze with a light shiver.

“…I do.” he breathed out finally and you made a soft noise of approval while you spun him in your arms so he faced you, gently nudging him back towards the bathroom counter as he yelped.

You sealed his plush lips with yours as you kissed him deeply, hands roaming over his body once again while the same thought ran through your minds.

“I could get used to this…”

[letstalkaboutfandomsbaby]

1. What's your fav drink? Also, do you like Starbucks drinks?

2. Any Halloween decor? Or is Halloween not your thing?

3. Share an outfit from your Pinterest! (So we know more about you)

1) Like in general?? Well i drink this sparkling water all the time but it's not like plain carbonated water, it's artificially sweetened so it doesn't taste like ass. I drink the lemon-lime flavor bc it's like Sprite but better, but now i think pop is too sweet 😖

As for starbucks, i am very picky sksksk. I dont really like any of their drinks, but i do like their flavors. I really like chestnut praline but that's only seasonal, but i absolutely adore toffeenut, especially with cinnamon. Tbh adding cinnamon to your coffee just makes it better in general sksksk. My go to drink rn is an iced coffee with extra oatmilk, 4 equal sugars, cinnamon, 1 pump toffeenut, 1-2 pumps apple brown sugar, and a little bit of apple crisp drizzle topping ik its very complicated im sorry for being so extra ✌😔

2) Im on the fence like i used to LOVE halloween like in high school in stuff like i loved dressing up and going to school in my costume but then i lived in the middle of nowhere during college so i didnt see trick or treaters for 3 years and then i got a new job and i never know what day it is and basically what im saying is my concept of time is so fucked up that i dont know what day it is unless i look at a calendar sksksk. But yes, i do like Halloween, i just never have the time or energy to decorate, but i do like those mini pumpkins that come in a big bag :) haven't been able to find any this year which is disappointing but i love them sksksk

3) Bby i am so sorry but i only use pinterest to find pictures of my fictional crushes and meme reactions, but my style isn't very interesting skdnkajdks. My go-to outfit in the colder months is jeggings, a tank top, and a thrifted sweater (i have like 20 sksksk). BUT once i get my thighs highs, imma buy a mini skirt and wear it with a cute sweater and get some cute ankle boots and go to a bookstore and make everyone fall in love with me sksksk