#all I need in life is happy Kersh

[baronessblixen]

Prompt: 19. “What if we’re wrong?”

Angst, canon divergence for "Nothing Important Happened Today": No matter what Kersh said, Scully doesn't want Mulder to leave her and the baby. But what choice do they have? (wc: 1,069)

Tagging @today-in-fic @xffictober2023

Fictober Day 19: It's Us Against The World

Right now, she should be the happiest woman on earth. She is. She was. Until her happiness was threatened. Again. But no matter what Kersh said, she can't shake off that niggling feeling in her gut; the feeling that something isn’t quite right.

At first, she blamed her hormones. Then the fact that she didn’t want it to be true. Any of it. Kersh’s words still sit inside her, making her sick. How he came to her apartment, didn’t look at the baby at all, and just told them with an impassive voice that Mulder had to leave. That he had it on good authority that if he didn’t, something would happen. Something very bad.

They believed him. How could they not, after everything? They started making plans, asking the Gunmen to help them make Mulder disappear. Everything is in motion. Everything is planned as well as possible. 24 hours. That’s all they have left, now. But Scully can’t shake it off. That feeling. That what Kersh said isn’t the whole story. Is in fact not the truth at all.

“Can’t sleep?” Mulder asks, sounding tired.

“I can’t stop thinking.”

“Isn’t that usually my forte?” He kisses her neck lazily as if they have all the time in the world when in fact they have next to none. They were supposed to win this time. They were supposed to get their happy ending. Now, once again, it’s ripped away from them. And she doesn’t want to lose anymore. She doesn’t want to lose Mulder again. She doesn’t want to do this alone. She’s not sure she even can. Once upon a time, Mulder said the same thing to her. They didn’t give up then. They didn’t quit. And she doesn’t want to start now.

“Mulder, what if we’re wrong?”

“Wrong about what?” The sheets rustle as he turns to her. He moves closer until their knees are touching. Her hand claws at his sweater, needing to feel something solid. If she holds on tight enough, they can’t be separated.

“What Kersh said.” She merely whispers the words, afraid to rouse too many demons.

“What if he’s not?” Mulder smiles at her, but his lips quiver. “We can’t risk him being wrong. If anything happened to you, or to William…”

“What if something happens to us while you’re gone?” She only notices her tears when they fall onto her skin, hot and angry.

“I wouldn’t let it,” Mulder says through his own tears, wiping hers away.

“You wouldn’t be here,” she reminds him. “You wouldn’t even know.”

“What do you want to do?” Mulder asks. “I’ll do whatever you say.”

“Since when?” Their tears mingle with laughter. Pain and salvation so close together.

“Since now,” he says, turning earnest. “I’ll go if you think I should. I’ll stay if you want me to. I’ll take you and William into hiding with me if you think that’s best. I love you, Scully. I love our son. I will do everything in my power to protect you both. If that means leaving, living a life far away from you, even if it breaks my heart just thinking about it, I will do it.”

“I don’t know what to do,” she admits quietly. “All I know is that I don’t want you to leave. I can’t bear the thought.”

“You managed before.” He nudges her with his nose.

“Yes, I managed,” she says. “But Mulder… I don’t want to manage. I want to live. With you, and with William.”

“Tell me what to do and I’ll do it.” He touches his forehead to hers, needing to be closer still. Her eyes drift close and she imagines it. She can see every path they might take. Him leaving her and William alone and life going on, with a part of herself permanently missing. She can see him stay here, both of them hunted by paranoia and fear. And she can see them leave, face uncertainty in the years to come, but always together.

“I don’t know, Mulder. I just don’t know.”

“Me leaving is the safest choice,” he says calmly, stroking her side. His fingers dip under her robe, finding skin and igniting a fire in her.

“I know,” she replies, the words like shrapnel on her tongue.

“I don’t want to leave.” His voice sounds strangled. “I’ve never done the safe thing. You know me. But this isn’t about me. It’s about you and William. Without me here, you two are safe.”

“Since when do you trust Kersh?”

“What other choice do I have?”

“What if he’s just trying to separate us?”

“Look who’s paranoid now,” he says softly, kissing her lips.

“I learned from the best,” she replies, kissing him back. If this is their last night together, she has to make it count. A knot forms in her throat. Their last night. If she lets him leave, she might never see him again. She won’t know where he’s going for her own safety and their son’s. Kersh or his cronies could ambush him and she’d find out years later. Or never.

“We’ll make plans,” Mulder says. “The Gunmen will help. We’ll see each other whenever we can. When it’s safe.”

“No,” she says quietly. “No.” Louder now, more convinced. “Mulder, they’ve taken so much from us already.”

“Exactly,” he says. “Aren’t you scared at all?”

“Of course I’m scared. I’m so worried they’re gonna do something to you, to William. But Mulder… there’s no guarantee that this isn’t what Kersh wants. He wants to separate us so he can… I can’t even say it.”

“You really do sound like me,” he says, amazed.

“I just feel like- I know this is going to sound crazy,” she says, biting her lip.

“You know I love crazy.”

“I feel like he’s not telling the truth. He’s lying to us.”

“I trust you, Scully, and I’ll follow your lead.”

“I won’t let Kersh or anyone separate us,” she says, having made up her mind.

“So we’re doing this?” he asks and she nods.

“We’re doing this,” she says. “Together.” And that feeling inside her eases as Mulder kisses her. It eases even more when he brings over William and she nurses him. Mulder holds her hand and talks to their son. It’s the three of them against the world. No one is going to take that away. Neither she nor Mulder will let them.

[charliedawn]

I can try! I'm pretty sure that Kersh had scars all over her chest, maybe that's somthing from the past? Her death, bullying, accidents maybe? We see that she was with you whenever you would have a show as Penny(Assuming due to the photo). If I had to guess her mother wasn't around much or not involved in her life at all, due to photos and easter eggs with her only involving you/Bob and her never mentioning them. She seemed happy around you, regardless!

(I tried to find extra information 😭 I FOUND AN EASTER EGG ARTICLE AS A PROP IN THE MOVIE THOUGH💀💀)

Penny : "I don't remember..Was I married ? Did I have a family ? *turns towards Pennywise* Why are my memories of when I was a human so vague when you remember your old life so well ? Is there something you're not telling me ?"

Pennywise *shakes his head* : "..The truth would hurt you too much."

Penny *angry* : "WHY WON'T YOU TELL ME ?!"

Pennywise : "BECAUSE SHE'S GONE, PENNY ! She was a human. Humans die. Her mother left you to raise the child on your own and didn't give a d*mn about the both of you ! Your old life wasn't a good one, Penny..It was even the most sh*tty one one could ever dream of. You were both starving ! You were both miserable and she died for the same reason you survived ! She died because she wasn't like us and died of old age, like any other human. End of story."

Penny : "...And why can't I remember either of them ? Why can't I remember her ?"

Pennywise : "...Because Maturin erased your memory. You were losing it, Penny. The sorrow was just too much for you and.."

Penny : "LIAR ! I COULD HAVE SAVED HER ! I COULD HAVE EATEN HER SOUL AND SHE COULD HAVE BEEN WITH ME FOREVER !"

Pennywise : "You tried..It didn't work. I'm sorry. For a human's soul to stay with us, they must be alive before we eat them and fear us. She was already gone. Plus, she never feared us. There was nothing we could have done. You did eat her heart and tried to make her a part of you, but she died before you could."

Pennywise's memory :

Kersh *on her deathbed* : "Papa...I'm scared. W..Who will take care of you when I'm gone ?"

Penny : "Ssh..Everything will be alright. It's normal..You need to be scared for what happens next, okay ?"

Pennywise *appeared beside them and took Kersh's hand* : "Don't worry. I'll take care of him. I promise."

Kersh *smiled* : "Thank you, uncle Pennywise..I'm glad."

Penny kissed her forehead lovingly before ripping her heart out as quickly and as painlessly as possible. However, when he ate it, he didn't feel the same energy coursing through his veins as he had felt so many times before and started to panic.

"Cupcake ? Are you with me ?"

*silence*

Maturin *appeard* : "She's not here anymore, Penny. I'm sorry."

Penny *grit his teeth* : "Help her...Please. She..She doesn't deserve this. Give her my gift. Give her the power you gave me..I beg of you."

Maturin : "I'm sorry...I can't do that."

Penny *stood up and growled at him* : "CAN'T ?! OR WON'T ?!"

Pennywise *tried to calm his brother down* : "Penny. Penny. Look at me. The turtle is right. She's gone. He can't bring her back.."

Penny *kept glaring at Maturin* : "He doesn't want to help her..*his makeup started melting down his face* "You listen here, you old fossile ! Give me my daughter back, or I swear to make all your precious humans suffer by your fault ! I'll eat them all ! It'll be war !"

Maturin *looked apologetically at Penny* : "I'm sorry, my child.."*Penny collapsed and Maturin erased his memory then turned towards Pennywise* "Not a word about this to him. If you care about him ? You'll never tell him.."

Pennywise *looked at Penny with sadness and closed his eyes before nodding understandingly* : "I won't..."

End of flashback.

Penny *feels empty* : "He...took them ? All of them ? He took my memories and I..I'll never be able to remember my own daughter ?"

Pennywise : "I'm sorry, kid."

[monikafilefan]

Love your writing so much! Can you write a New Year’s fic set in season 6 where they actually kiss? No Fowley angst if you can? Thank you

Thanks so much. This turned out longer than I hoped so I’m a little late, but I hope you enjoy. Takes place just before Tithonus.

——

10:02 PM: Mulder swallows another mouthful of Shiner Bock, letting the alcohol warm him from the inside out. He sets the beer bottle next to the other empty ones with a clink and the beat of the music vibrates along the golden table cloth beneath him. Laughter and muffled conversations of fellow agents fill the silence of isolation he’s purposely surrounded himself in.

He doesn’t want to be here. Not at this New Years Eve bureau mandated banquet, sticking out like a black sheep among the herd of Kersh-loving ass-kissers, and certainly not forced to appease the Deputy Director in the name of another successful year of wielding justice. He sure as hell doesn’t want to celebrate the loss of his life’s work to his ex-wife and Kersh’s errand boy he’s currently hiding in a dark corner from. Wielding justice…

What a crock of shit.

But Scully is here, and the loss of his near constant contact with her is something he will never celebrate acknowledgement of. Not ever. He feels their absence on the files like a missing puzzle piece, teasing him with its existence lingering just out of his reach. Yet as he stares longingly at her across the room in her black satin dress, drinking wine as red as her lips, and smiling with their peers from the bullpen, Mulder can’t help but smile in return.

10:38 PM: Scully turns his way and scans the room, her big blue eyes flickering from person to person. She’s searching for him, he thinks. He knows. He’d told her hours earlier he decided to forgo following rules forcing him to be social. And still she looks for him, hopeful, unable to accept he can truly leave her partnerless for even one night. She’s right. As he sips at another Shiner, Mulder knows the heat of the beer isn’t the only thing warming his chest tonight.

A slow song begins to play as the lights dim. His pulse quickens at the thought of asking her to dance. Of holding her petite body close to his. Of kissing her at the stroke of midnight. He stands, unable to resist the pull of her proximity a moment longer, when another man swoops into his eye-line and offers Scully his hand.

Mulder’s fists clench as an agent from the lab arrogantly claims her bare back with his meaty hand, sloppily twirling her around the dance floor. Her surprised laughter is as loud as it is fake, but she doesn’t pull away. She accepts his hand with a tight-lipped smile and promptly stares at her three inch stilettos instead of at the man attempting to woo her.

Mulder does the same while his nostrils flare with every indignant breath.

Turning away, he picks at the yellow label on the bottle until only the brown glass reflecting his scowl is showing.

10:55 PM: He hears Scully laugh again. Then again and again. He doesn’t know what she’s chuckling about or who with, but it doesn’t matter when she’s enjoying her last remaining hours of 1998. She’s having fun drinking and dancing, he tells himself. She deserves this. He wants her to be happy, always. He just refuses to watch someone else make her that way.

This time, when a high-pitched, unScully-like laughter slices through the sound of his heart thudding against his eardrums, his gut clenches along with his fists.

11:02 PM: One hour and four - no five - beers later, Mulder is ready to leave. To flee, more like it, when a thick hand slaps at his back.

“Agent Mulder,” Skinner’s voice booms over the music. “Glad to see you decided to show up.”

He scoffs, “I was summoned.”

Skinner glances at him, his heavy hand squeezing the meat of Mulder’s shoulder; hard. “You mean she asked or you wouldn’t be here,” he corrects, nodding towards Scully draining yet another glass of wine. “She wants you here, Mulder. I suggest you remember that.”

11:32 PM: Mulder does remember that. In fact, that’s all he’s been thinking about for the past half hour when he lost sight of Scully within the crowd. After dodging both Diana and Spender, three agents requesting a dance, and one persistent secretary’s offer for much more than that, Mulder halts his search for his partner and ducks into the restroom to break the seal.

He glances at his cell phone. No service. Goddammit.

The entire time he’s been looking for Scully, the sickening thought of her having left with someone else has weighed heavily in the back of his mind. He should’ve taken Frohike up on his offer of Mexican and movies and saved himself the heartache.

11:44 PM: “Yes, I do know I’m leaving before the ball drops, and no, I don’t have a date I’m waiting for,” Mulder repeats to Agent Matthews at the coat check.

“You want one?” he asks, smirking. “Because I’m outta here in ten.”

“Oh uh,” Mulder can’t help but smile. “Thanks, but I’ll have to pass.”

“I knew it. But hey, a guy can dream.” The man shrugs and hands Mulder his jacket. “Agent Scully is one lucky woman.”

“You’ve seen her?” Mulder questions, ready to interrogate the poor guy. “Did she leave?”

“Maybe,” Matthews says, chuckling at Mulder’s unabashed desperation. “But I’ve seen her walk by looking for someone special a couple times earlier, though. I guess that someone was you.”

“Yeah, thanks. Have a good night,” Mulder groans as he walks away, feeling more and more like an asshole as the minutes tick by.

11:50 PM: Mulder makes his way down the side stairwell and shuffles past the ladies room tucked away in an alcove at the end of the hall. Fireworks spark outside the window next to him and he can’t help but wonder if Scully is looking at them, too.

He sighs, takes three steps, and stumbles when a flash of red catches his eye.

“Scully?”

“Mulder, you’re here!” she praises, her cheeks flushed with wine. Her eyes flick down to his coat slung over his arm and her smile fades. “You’re leaving.”

He falters, shifting in his Wingtip Oxfords he’d worn just for her. “You know me, Scully,” he feigns nonchalance. “I’d rather pull out my hair than kiss the asses of the ‘powers that be’ more than I’m forced.”

Scully shakes her head and is quiet a moment before boldly brushing a lock of hair from his brow. “Can’t have that now, can we?”

He stifles a moan. The familiar feeling of her touch lulls him where they stand. “A full head of hair means that much to you, does it, Scully?”

“Mm…” She nods while his hand covers hers sliding gently across his scalp. “You do have great hair.”

“Melvin will be crushed.”

She laughs - this it’s time for him - and Mulder swears it’s the most beautiful sound echoing through the hall. They continue to stand in the hallway, staring at one another as her fingers dance through his hair, letting the soft melody of the muffled music fill the silence.

“So why show up then?” she finally asks, her fingers trailing over the shell of his ear, down to his cheek, hovering there. “Why come at all?”

The alcohol that flows through her veins, leaving her open and vulnerable deserves only honesty from him. “Because you’re here,” Mulder confesses.

“I am.” Her eyes hone in on his fingers twining through hers. “And you were about to leave without saying goodbye?” She arches a brow, pins him with an accusatory stare. “Or hello, for that matter?”

“I-you were enjoying yourself out there. You were…” he sighs, guilt washing over him for not being a better partner to her. For not walking out on that dance floor and showing her exactly how much he appreciates her. How much he loves her. “Scully…”

“Mulder, it’s okay. I get it, really.” She rolls her eyes, tapping his tie with a manicured nail. “Plus, Skinner told me that if you’re as smart as your IQ says you are, you’d be here to ring the new year with me.”

“Ha!” It’s Mulder’s turn to roll his eyes, imagining the AD just itching to dance with his beautiful partner. “I’ll bet he did.”

“I told him you were smarter.”

Mulder’s heart began to race at the husk in her voice. “And if I hadn’t shown up?” he wonders. “I have a feeling Skinner and every other person in that ballroom would give anything to dance with you tonight.”

“They asked to dance with me, Mulder, not date me.”

Mulder’s jaw clenches at that, his free hand dipping down to settle gently at the base of her spine.

“And besides,” she arches into him, amused and emboldened. “There’s only one person I wanted to dance with tonight.”

“Scully.” His voice catches when her sapphire eyes snap up to lock onto his, imploring him to say more. “I-you looked… you look...” The liquid courage swirling though his mind gives him the nudge he needs. He touches her face, softly tracing the slope of her jawline from her ear to her chin. She hums and he melts. "...Stunning, Scully. You look stunning.”

Her half-grin twitches higher. "Bet you say that to all the girls, Mulder."

“No,” he denies in earnest. “Only you.”

She nods slowly, unblinking, as if she’s always known. Her eyes are large and luminous in their dimly lit corner, the deep blue sea of them beckoning him into dangerous waters. Lashes fluttering under his gaze, she leans into him like a feral kitten, fierce and unyielding in her affection. And it’s a good thing, Mulder thinks as he leans in too, that he’s an excellent swimmer.

“You showed up, Mulder,” she whispers. Her tiny hands skim down to his waist and tug his body flush to hers. “Thanks.”

“Don’t thank me for that,” he begs. “Don’t thank me for anything.”

He palms her neck and she allows his hand to wander up into her hair, tangling the silky waves through his fingers. He watches her eyelids flutter half shut, her lips parting.

“And why did you come, Scully?” he blurts, curious.

“Why do you think?” she retorts, challenging him. Suddenly, Mulder knows exactly why she came. Why she’s still here, staring up at him with dark eyes and rocking against him with hardened nipples.

He forgets to breathe.

“Tell me,” he says, cradling the base of her skull and letting his forehead fall forward against hers.

“No,” she breathes while stroking the curve of his ribcage, nudging the tip of his nose with her own. “I’ll show you.”

Her eyes flutter shut and a gush of warm breath tickles his cheek. As he leans down, her cushy lips press softly to his and his heart threatens to burst from his chest.

Her mouth tastes of red wine and sugar - a tart sweet-filled sin laced with a hint of blush-colored lipstick. She tastes more satisfying than any dessert. She tastes like raw desire.

Reluctantly, he pulls his hips away from her soft belly when his rock hard want for her becomes impossible to ignore.

She whimpers with her arms now wrapped around his neck, tugging him down for more.

Mulder gulps and kisses her nose, her cheek, inhales the fruity scent of her shampoo. He breathes her in while keeping a lung full of her essence within his chest. The warmth of her baby soft skin beneath his lips makes him wonder if he’s having an out of body experience: an erotic X-File, as his soul quite possibly ascends into the unknown.

A sudden cacophony of cheers bursts through the cracks of the heavy ballroom doors. Mulder jumps while Scully clutches at his back, keeping him close. Their heavy breathing mingles with the chorus of Auld Lang Syne playing in the background as fireworks boom outside the window pane. Bursts of copper and cerulean stream across the ink-black sky and it rumbles the carpet beneath their feet, reminding him that, yes, his feet are still on solid ground.

Two hours, two minutes, and one kiss from Dana Scully are all it takes for his world to tilt on its axis.

“Wow. Wha… what was that?” he gasps dumbly.

Scully arches brow. "I would have thought that's fairly obvious," she purrs. "You asked me why I came here, so I kissed you."

"Yeah, I know that, Scully, believe me. But...” Fuck, he berates himself. Why does his conscience hate him so damn much?

“Shh, just shut up and kiss me again,” she slurs.

His eyes flutter shut. He wants this - wants her - more than his next breath, but she’s been drinking, he remembers. They both have. “Shit, I want to, badly. But I think,” he hesitates, no more than a whisper, “I should hail us a cab.”

“Mulder…”

“In case you don’t remember these last few minutes when you wake up in the morning,” Mulder explains further. “Or worse, you regret them when you do.”

“But…” Scully frowns, hiccuping as she sways within his arms. “Okay…” she sighs, rolling her forehead against his sternum and mumbles to herself, “Fine, but the cab’s on you.”

“Deal,” he chuckles, his love for her growing with each passing second. His lips brush against the crown of her head, his palms smoothing over her hair and down to the lithe bare blades of her shoulders. “I can do that.”

“Happy New Year, Mulder.”

12:10 PM: This year, Mulder thinks as he waves down a cab. This year will be different. When Scully’s pinky loops through his, he squeezes it in promise. This year, he will do better.

“Happy New Year, Scully.”

And next time, when he looks into her eyes and tells her he loves her again, Scully will finally believe.

Tagging @today-in-fic

[masterthespianduchovny]

Something that has always bothered me, why didn’t Mulder and Scully talk about their shared abduction experiences???

How they felt like life moved on without them, that they can’t remember much, being violated, not knowing where they fit in, the nightmares, the paranoia, the powerlessness.

Mulder gets to know about Scully’s experience in a way he never would’ve before nor would he have understood at the time. And Scully could’ve been this support for Mulder. He wouldn’t have felt alone.

I can imagine them talking into the night. Scully holding Mulder in her arms or staying up with him, and then falling asleep on accident.

Mulder apologizing if he was ever insensitive to her experience and Scully telling him not to worry about it, but Mulder’s like, “no, i have you, so I never have to go through this alone. but, you didn’t have anyone for years. I can’t imagine how alone you felt.”

Scully cups his face, “even though you didn’t always understand, I had you, I always had you.”

Scully tells Mulder about her coping techniques and Mulder shares with her the new things he’s learned.

God, we could’ve had that.

Instead we got two people who pretended as if they didn’t have this shared trauma in common. As if Scully wasn’t abducted and wasn’t still dealing with the ramifications of that INCLUDING her miracle pregnancy. And Mulder doesn’t seem aware that Scully has this experience even tho he was there.

Like, how does this not come up when Mulder returned.

How do we not get intimate moments of the conversing about their experience.

Mulder, “did everything taste different to you when you returned.”

Scully nods. “Yeah, it took a while to get my sense of taste back. Everything tasted off. When it finally returned, I don’t know...I guess my relationship with food had changed.

“Before I was...taken, I’d started stress eating. I never expected things to get intense, especially as quickly as they had. Suddenly, there were informants, coverups, and that’s not including the paranormal cases. Food was something I found support in. Then, deep throat was murdered and my eating spiraled. I don’t know if you noticed or just didn’t say anything.”

Mulder’s smiles. “I noticed. I sensed how stressed you were. I guess I was happy you stayed and didn’t decide to leave like anyone else would have.”

Looking down, Scully chuckles. “You know, Mulder, leaving never occurred to me. During the entire first year of our partnership, I never considered it. It wasn’t an option for me. I told you that I joined the fbi to make a difference and, after our first case together, I felt the x files was where I could do that.”

“And after our first year...”

Scully shakes her head. “Not even then. I mean, superficially, yes. But, it wasn’t a real thought, you know? My mom, my brother, just everyone kept asking me to transfer or leave altogether, but it became personal for me by then.

“If kersh allowed you to come back, would you?”

For a moment, Mulder considers her words. “No.” Scully is surprised by his answer. “If I had been taken instead of you back then or if this had happened years ago, it wouldn’t even be a question about my return.

“But, I think after we took down the consortium, I was afraid to want more—I thought I didn’t deserve it. I still enjoyed investigating the x files with you, but I was afraid that if that wasn’t uniting us then we’d go our separate ways. I wanted to keep you in my life as long as you’d have me. Then, we got together, I found out the truth about Samantha, and now...” he rubs her stomach. “We’re going to have a little one together. Although I’ve always been committed to the x files, after a while, it became a crutch. I have everything I want and more, I don’t need the x files to be fulfilled. I guess getting out of the car isn’t so bad after all.”

Scully is overwhelmed. “You know, you could always consult for the bureau.”

“I know. I’ve considered it.”

“And even teach if you’re open to it,” she suggests, eyeing him. “You have a remarkable mind, Mulder, and any future agents would be lucky to have you as their instructor.”

“Did you run a long game on me, Scully?”

Scully quirks an eyebrow.

“You were trying to get me to work at Quantico with you when we were split up the first time.”

Scully slaps her forehead. “Oh my god. I remember that. That feels like forever ago, Mulder. Despite our differences, I enjoyed you and I felt that that would end if you left the bureau. I figured that if you liked working with me as much as I did with you, I could get you to stay that way.”

Mulder laughs. “Even if I left back then, I would’ve never stayed away from you, Scully.”

“It gets better,” she says. “The nightmares subside eventually. You stop feeling alien. And, if you have a good partner, you don’t feel alone anymore.”

Scully grabs Mulder’s hand and their fingers interlace.

Mulder kisses the back of her hand. “I’m not alone.”

🥺

@baronessblixen

[dreamingofscully]

6x12. “One Son” (part 2 of 2) - X-Files Rewatch

“Mulder, this stinks, and not just because I think that woman is a... well, I think you know what I think that woman is.” - Scully “No. Actually, you hide your feelings very well.” - Mulder

I found a few things really strange about this episode, so get ready for a deep dive into speculation in order to explain them! (*grumble* stupid mythology episodes)

Also, I apologize (#sorrynotsorry) for my use of caps-lock/bold on this post. I feel very emotional about a lot of things. That doesn’t make this series of episodes good, though, it just makes me have to WORK.

Long LONG post/analysis.

Decon shower. 😲

This joint decon shower is meant to humiliate Scully, to make her feel vulnerable and out-of-sorts. It kinda works. If I didn’t already hate Diana I’d definitely want to murder her after what she does here. 

Scully can’t see much, but Mulder sees quite a bit. It doesn’t really matter that Mulder is there. She trusts him absolutely. It’s her AUTONOMY about it that gets to her, and her suspicions about Diana’s motives. 

With this episode being on the cusp in a change in their relationship, this whole thing is awkward. If they merely felt like friends towards one another, they could laugh it off, but their intense feelings add an extra layer of vulnerability for the both of them (but especially Scully because she is more exposed than Mulder, and he doesn’t particularly care about nudity). You notice the rest of the episode she’s wearing stuff that has more coverage - a turtleneck when she confronts Mulder about Diana, a high-necked shirt in the office with Kersh. She’s definitely feeling more vulnerable.  😕

When Diana comes in - Scully is PISSED. The whole decon procedure is SUSPICIOUS AS FUCK and Scully knows it. 

If they were really concerned about them having contracted some suspicious organism they’d be in quarantine instead of interacting normally with Diana and the other people in the room. You’d need time to test to make sure Mulder and Scully didn’t have whatever organism that Diana claims Cassandra was infected with. Even if you couldn’t test for it, because it was unknown, you’d ISOLATE Mulder and Scully for at least a few weeks.

The ONLY REASON to do all this bullshit is to separate Cassandra. That Mulder can’t see this, won’t take Scully’s word that something is VERY WRONG, must be incredibly frustrating.

Mulder-before-Scully would have trusted the words of a stranger making these excuses because he was a lot more gullible and willing to trust others who gave him a convenient story.

Current Mulder would be more skeptical, and more importantly, would LISTEN TO SCULLY. EXCEPT ITS DIANA FOWLEY. He trusts her without question because of their history, because he believes she loved him, and that is such a RARE experience for him. He loved her too, at one point, and ACTIVELY works to disbelieve any evidence that contradicts his beliefs. He can’t handle yet ANOTHER person betraying him.

Scully is hurt because she doesn’t know this history, doesn’t know that Mulder feels this way, that he is so blinded by his need to believe that she hasn’t betrayed him - THAT HE DOESN’T TRUST HER.

Scully goes to the Gunmen’s again to find out more info about Fowley. She KNOWS Diana is dirty, but she only has her instincts screaming at her, not any proof. She needs to get it, so Mulder will listen and work with her - because he seems unwilling to trust her otherwise. I think she understands that, despite being hurt by it. (Especially since this mirrors their own investigations on the X-Files. Scully won’t believe Mulder without proof, but at least she listens to him, and has learned to listen to his instincts.)

The stuff Scully finds is suspicious, but not conclusive on its own. With her own instincts about Diana, and everything else she’s seen, it’s enough to bring to Mulder though.

Mulder would find it difficult to believe any evidence pointing towards Diana’s guilt. But this is SCULLY. He is initially resistant, cruel in his dismissal of her claims, but he goes to investigate Diana anyway. He has his back up from the start, stubbornly determined not to believe no matter what Scully shows him.

Scully’s beliefs, her distrust, her instincts ARE NOT ENOUGH and this hurts. Coupled with her concerns that Mulder doesn’t completely trust her anymore (The Beginning), this brings back all of her insecurities. She thought things were getting better between them, that they were starting to get back on track, but this makes her think - Can it ever go back to the way it was?

Mulder is determined to believe that Diana is innocent because the alternative is that maybe she never loved him? His life has been so full of manipulative, distant people, that he wants to hold on to the idea that Diana loved him unconditionally, that there was something to their relationship, that he is CAPABLE of having a relationship. Even though his history with Diana pales in comparison to the feelings he has for Scully, his inability to have a normal relationship with ANYONE would make him doubt his ability to do so in the future.

It is only when Scully threatens to leave that he looks into her suspicions for himself. The only thing more unbearable would be to lose her.

Much like Scully being blinded to the truth, to the paranormal, Mulder is blind when it comes to this person. It stems from them both fearing the implications of that belief. For Scully, it’s about not being able to explain the unknown, of having to face unexplainable things without having the bedrock of her science to conquer her fears about them. For Mulder, it’s about his internal struggle with himself - his fear of losing Scully because he can never be good enough, never give her what she wants because he is incapable of a normal relationship.

Scully points out how convenient it is that DIana showed up right at this moment. Not only is her task to separate Mulder from Scully but to distract him from the work and destroy the X-Files without his interference. All the little things add up to Diana’s duplicity. Mulder has made up his mind about cases on far less evidence. But he is blind when it comes to Diana, and that is WHY she was brought back by CSM, why she is interfering now.

The LGM are disappointed in Mulder. While they don’t have Scully’s instincts about people, they trust her. They can connect the dots with the evidence already uncovered. Something IS strange, and it’s Mulder who seems determined to NOT believe this time, no matter what he’s shown. That Scully and Mulder have a very personal and uncharacteristic fight in front of them would make them uncomfortable and protective of Scully over what they see as a pretty cruel dismissal of her claims by Mulder. (I want to see some LGM post-OS fanfic pls.)

“Because there's nothing to be done. And at some point, you just have to accept that the only way those you love are going to survive is if you give up.” - Mulder

Why would Mulder choose to save himself over the world, over resistance and fighting to save it? Seems like he’s given up, that he is willing to go to the hangar with Diana and Scully. Also, why isn’t he more upset about Diana knowing CSM? He’s still blinded, desperately believing CSM that he was looking for his son. It is so frustrating how he is able to turn a blind eye to all the evidence pointing to her guilt - but perhaps it is just that irrationality about it that makes it all the more believable. Diana is his Achilles Heel, and that is the reason she’s here.

Diana kisses him, but he doesn’t kiss her back. Perhaps he was wondering if he still had feelings for her, or if it was just the memories? Or maybe he thinks he can’t have Scully, so perhaps he is meant to be with Diana? Either way, he knows he doesn’t love her anymore, he can’t pretend, he’s meant to suffer unrequited love, live a lonely existence (see “The Field Where I Died”).

His surrender to the belief that he doesn’t have any choices left seems so out of character here, such a dramatic change from his usual self. I talk more about this issue at the end of this post.

Scully gets Mulder to do the right thing, not just the easy, self-serving one. In this case, it is only because he can’t leave her, he can't save himself if Scully's not there with him. She is his conscience, the agent for good. Mulder is the call to action, but without Scully his decisions have no good purpose or direction.

Badass agents shooting at the train. ❤️ Grabbing her arm to pull her from the tracks.

I assume they discuss things on the way to the train yard and while waiting for Skinner. I don’t think they resolve much, though, since they still seem distant with one another at the end of the episode. They end up going to the hangar and seeing the destruction, despite Scully’s skepticism about the whole story, about not having a choice in the fate of the world. She doesn’t go because she gives up, like Mulder, but because she believes that is where they are taking Cassandra. I think it disturbs Scully to see Mulder surrendering to fate so easily, giving up.

ALSO - think about what Mulder told her how he came about hearing this information. He RAN INTO CSM AT DIANA’S. BUT HE STILL THINKS SHE’S INNOCENT. Scully must be incredibly frustrated at this point. I think her body language in the meeting with Kersh shows that she’s not happy with Mulder.

Scully’s “Sir, I wouldn't bet against him.”

Despite her anger, she’ll always have his back.

Is it assumed Diana and CSM are dead as well (for the moment at least)? Otherwise I’d assume Diana would be at the meeting. Mythology episodes make my head hurt.

***

Here’s a bit of a deep dive. I can understand Mulder’s actions re: Diana fairly well, but I struggled to understand why he so easily gives up after hearing CSM’s story.

CSM’s plan started back at the end of season 5. Mulder and Scully are stronger than ever, and they are closer than ever to the truth. Diana is brought back by CSM to create tension with the end goal of separating Mulder and Scully and causing Mulder to give up. He KNOWS Mulder needs Scully. The plan is fairly successful, and the distance between Mulder and Scully reaches its peak in this episode. All of the evidence stacking up against Diana isn’t enough to cause Mulder to be suspicious of her, which confuses and hurts Scully. Diana counts on the deception and manipulations she's built up with Mulder (now and in their past) to discount anything Scully says against her, to cause Mulder to react negatively to protect his view of her.

The distance and tension in Mulder and Scully’s relationship, as well as separating Mulder from his work, prepares him for the final blow - a story that leaves Mulder feeling hopeless. When Cassandra and CSM tell him their stories about the fate of the world, he is ready to believe in them, to give up and think he has no choice except to follow their direction. He has no rudder, with Scully being out of the picture, no one to tell him that this decision is the WRONG one.

It is Mulder’s distance from Scully (physically and emotionally) that causes him to make all these bad decisions. Scully has always pushed him to do what is right, even if it's difficult. You see this repeated later when CSM messes with Mulder’s brain. She also gives him hope, a belief that TOGETHER they can do anything. When things aren’t great between them, Mulder feels helpless.

After this episode, he's saved, somewhat, by the return of his work and the re-strengthening of his relationship with Scully, but he also seems more apathetic. They go to Florida only because Arthur Dales needs help (“Agua Mala”), Mulder is forced into an X-File in “Monday”, and SCULLY is the one that initiates their first official case (“Arcadia”). His fears about the fate of the world continue, thread their way deep into his mind. His apprehension about what terrible thing is coming because he doesn't deserve to be happy (he has the X-Files back, but does it matter?). 

This lays the groundwork for depression, which I believe Mulder goes through in season 7 after his brain gets tinkered with. I’ll get into more of that later. (Though I do make the implication in my fic “Momentum” if you haven’t read it. I think many people thought that the Mulder I wrote was being an asshole for no good reason, which wasn’t my intention, but perhaps this will give you a different perspective!)

[richietoaster]

Review/Reaction of IT Chapter Two

Let’s just start right off the bat and let me just say that Bill Hader better get a fucking award for his performance.

Alright. Here we go y’all. im trying to stay in order with what happened but so much happened in the movie that my brain is just all over the place so excuse me while i try to form words

UNDER THE CUT CONTAINS MAJOR SPOILERS

• first opening scene is a fucking LOT okay like i sobbed my eyes out and it was just not cool. adrian and his boyfriend? CUTE AF. Him getting brutally beat up and then killed by Pennywise while Don just watches? NOT CUTE AF

• Mike is a precious boy and I love him so. He cares about his friends so much holy shit. they all get mad at him for lying to them tho.But he only did it to protect them. Mike knew some SHIT(tm) our boy is so smart?? I’m glad they kept to his original storyline

• Older Bill gave himself so much shit this film and i just felt so bad. like we know it isnt ur fault okay?? We know you loved your brother, stop putting yourself down. also?? him becoming protective over dean? please stop my aching heart. 

• Jessica Chastain owns my whole heart and she can kick my ass anyday. She plays Bev so well and captures young bev’s personality so well. her scene with mrs kersh was very weird. i knew the second she ran naked in the hall i’d be seeing some weird fucking shit okay 

• Jay Ryan could kick me and I would personally thank him like?? wow what a man. He immediately recognizes bev when he first sees her and im just?? im happy. so many hidden new kids on the block reference and it had me fucking rolling in my grave

• JAMES FUCKING RANSONE MY DUDE OH LORD okay listen. he gives off young eddie’s panic and chaotic energy so perfectly i felt like i was watching him as an adult, who just never grew up. I think thats what he was going for honestly. He played eddie SO FUCKING WELL 

• I’m so sad about stan. THats all you need to know okay. I’ll talk about his letter later on in this. Stan deserved better. that’s all. 

• if you are not a fan of vomit you’re not gonna enjoy richie tozier. literally any time something bad happens hes just like ah shit here we go again *vomits* and honestly? that made me laugh. like hes just like oh shit something is happening let.. let me just.. no no its fine guys ill catch up.. EHBWFIJHDFSIJ no okay but bill hader stole the fucking show. his acting was phenomenal and,, again,, i’ll add more onto that later. 

• richie scares the shit out of dean. because he thinks hes pennywise. but can you blame him? the kid just. stared at him all creepy and shit. but its so funny. the losers make fun of him bc he doesnt know his own lines from his acts and richies just like “I dont write my own material” and eddies just like “I KNEW IT! I FUCKING KNEW IT” dead. goodbye.

• Young losers were still my favorite part honestly. Eddie kept bouncing that stupid ball in stan’s face in the clubhouse and i was waiting for him to get punched in the face tbh. That didn’t even seem like eddie, that was Jack’s energy bursting through the seams lmfao

• young eddie runs into a fucking box and shrieks and if that isn’t me idk ewhdfiajksjdoi 

• THE FUCKING. HAMMOCK. SCENE. okay listen to me. thats gay. hammocks are now gay. gays only. gay interacts only. the bickering between reddie had me in TEARS. eddie kept kicking at his face and just?? casually??? lays on him when richie wont move?? 

• stan’s fucking shower cap ehfdiujasdiosa and then richie being like “nobodys afraid of spiders stanley okay” and eddie slowly removes his because he cares what richie thinks more than spiders ok

• a flashback from after they defeated IT in the first move with reddie “eddie youve been gone for 24 hours your face is most likely on a milk carton by now” “shut up richie” 

• yong Richie has me weak af this whole movie, like always. just getting on Eddie’s case. HE PINES SO HARD OH Y GOD Like wow my sweet boy is so fucking in love ouch. which?? BRINGS ME TO MY NEXT POINT??

• THE ARCADE SCENE?? he checks out the kid standing next to him and tries to get him to hang out more and then the other kid tells him to stop being weird because he’s not gay, too, and then uses the F slur. richie was just so hurt. paul bunyun scene happens after that and hes just like “I just shit my pants” and i cried. 

• pennywise screaming “lets play truth or dare, you wouldnt pick truth! you dont want them to know your secret” gave off the same energy as eddie’s leper blowjob scene from the book. same energy. do with that as you will. 

• they had some flashbacks that included pennywise and im not sure if this was before or after they had defeated IT in the first movie but i interpreted it as after and if thats the case... hes supposed to be dead. but now thinking back on it, it was probably just more scenes before they put pennywise to rest for 27 years. 

• young richie went to the kissing bridge after that and we ALL KNOW WHAT HAPPENED THERE. fucking.. r + e :((( although we don’t see him carving the E. but reddie is canon so suck toes antis

• stephen king pretty much being like “I know u and ur endings really do suck” to bill when he comes to buy his bike was so fucking funny. it almost felt like a self insert lmfao. ALSO HIM MAKING BILL PAY 300 BUCKS FOR THE BIKE BC HE KNEW HE COULD AFFORD IT? iconic. 

• richie and eddie opening the door to the dog had me laughing. pennywise was just mocking them at that point. they’d be such good dog dads and now im sad

• i was really confused because they added part of stan’s bar mitzvah?? like it wasn’t even the same from the first movie. like they should’ve just put the deleted scene in from ch. 1 and then added that part. thats one of my very few complaints. im slowly hiding them in here. 

• henry bowers was kinda irrelevant in this honestly but thank you eddie for stabbing him and richie for killing him for trying to kill mike yall heroes 

• BEVS BLOOD SCENE ?? CORRESPONDING WITH BENS BURIED ALIVE SCENE? poetic cinema. 10/10

• the big fight really disappointed me in all honesty. but i think thats because andy said he cut so much from there. i expect it to be better with the director’s cut

• eddie saving richie and then immediately being stabbed by pennywise’s claw? IM DEPRESSED.

• “Rich! rich, i did it! i think i killed him!” Our boy was so happy with himself :( 

• eddie’s last words WERE NOT “i fucked your mom”. he was talking to richie and you can hear them talking while the rest are preparing to end pennywise. so im hoping we get that as a deleted scene. 

• richie goes back to help finish pennywise but when he goes to check on eddie.. he’s dead. ://// and bev is like “richie, come on, honey.. im sorry” and richie does not want to believe him. he grabs and hugs eddie so tight i swear i could feel that hug from the audience. 

• another thing im disappointed in and am sliding in is some of the animations? Like. fucking weird. but okay. luckily i didn’t care too much.  

• THE SOB that richie lets out when he holds eddie really hurt my fucking soul jesus christ just kill me

• the losers try cheering him up after and like. thats their friend too but you can just totally tell he’s crying in a different type of grief. THAT WAS HIS FIRST FUCKING LOVE. 

• they all remember after and thats really important to me okay

• stan writes letters and its spoken outloud while the other losers get little montages of what theyre doing with their life after the battle. Richie goes back to the kissing bridge and recarves- YES RECARVES AND YOU CAN CLEARLY SEE THE E BEFORE HE DOES- he recarves the E and while doing it, stan’s voice says “be proud of who you are” and im fucking cry ibg okay

• in the end, i give this movie a 7/10 rating. although some of the animations were weird and some of the flashbacks had pennywise in it (like hes supposed to be currently dead but ok... maybe nightmares??) the actors were PHENOMENAL and the chemistry between older richie and older eddie made me so happy. my ship is canon. but im still sad about stan and eddies death. 

• ignoring canon in 3.. 2.. 1.. now 

[yallreddieforthis]

Impossible Things Ch. 2

Fandom: It Chapter Two, It (2017)

Pairing: Richie Tozier/Eddie Kaspbrak

Rating: Explicit (in later chapters)

Words: 3k

Chapter: 1

Also on AO3

An hour later they’ve moved to Skype, all their living friends in boxes on Richie’s laptop screen. Bev is talking over Bill. Ben is sitting right next to her, on the same screen, just staring. Probably at Eddie, but there’s really no way of telling. And Mike is flipping through the pages of a huge stack of notes. He’s been silent for twenty minutes.

From what Eddie has gathered, they all got out of the house and left his dead body inside, which is fine with him because he kinda did the same thing to Richie. Somehow. And then they all went to the quarry and jumped in.

“That’s extremely unsanitary,” Eddie says immediately. “I can’t believe we swam in there as kids, that water is fucking full of bacteria.”

“I knew it! I knew you’d say that,” says Bev, smiling and resting her head on Ben’s shoulder. She sighs. “You’re really here.”

“Wh-What I don’t understand,” says Bill, “why did you come to LA? You told us you lived in New York.”

“What? No,” says Eddie. “I lived there when I was in like my late teens and then moved out and never looked back. I mean, nothing against New York except that’s where my mom was. But I haven’t lived there since I was eighteen.”

“That can’t be right,” Mike chimes in without looking up from his notes. “When I called you, you were definitely in Manhattan. I have both your home and cell numbers; both are 212 area codes.”

“Uh, no,” Eddie whips out his phone, brandishing it in front of the screen. “This is a 323 number. I’ve lived in West Hollywood for like twenty years now.”

“What about your wife?” Richie asks. Sulky, like an sullen kid.

Eddie bursts out laughing because honestly? That’s fucking hilarious. “Funny, Rich. Real funny,” he says.

No one else laughs.

“What’s funny?” asks Ben. “You told us you… What was her name? Myrtle?”

“Myra. She looks exactly like your mom,” says Richie. “Totally your type.”

“Okay, first of all fuck you Richie, that’s disgusting,” Eddie shakes his head. “Also, remember how I’m gay? Like a hundred percent gay. I literally moved here because I wanted to be around more gay guys. I haven’t so much as kissed a girl since I was sixteen.”

No one looks more shocked about this than Richie, which is crazy because Eddie has not been trying to hide it. In fact, he purposely brought it up at Jade of the Orient because as soon as Richie walked in the room he remembered that he used to be super in love with that guy. How does Richie not remember? They spent the whole rest of the evening flirting...or at least it was flirting on Eddie’s part. Maybe it wasn’t on Richie’s.

“Oh hey, me too,” Mike chimes in, almost absently. “Also I think I found something. This is going to sound weird, but--”

“Oh no, not weird!” says Richie. “This weekend has been so normal.”

“We can handle weird,” Ben adds. “Clearly.”

“Alright,” says Mike. He looks up into their faces. “So I think there was a parallel dimension--”

“A what now?” Eddie says.

“I told you it was weird,” Mike shrugs. “So I think what happened was that… remember when we tried to kill It the first time? Back when we were kids.”

“I do now. Vividly,” says Eddie.

“I think we created a rift. You know, like a dimensional split. And then when we killed It again… I think maybe the dimensions merged back together. Or maybe one of them collapsed. Anyway, whatever happened to the other one… I think you got spit into this dimension, Eddie.”

“I’m sorry, did the Shokopiwah tell you about all this shit too?” asks Richie. “Or did you learn this from Doctor Strange comics?”

“I’ve been studying the metaphysical for 27 years,” says Mike, pulling a book out of his pile and ignoring the sarcasm. “Shit gets weird. Much weirder than this.”

“So like, when Eddie died…” Bill starts.

“That Eddie is really gone,” Ben nods, like none of this seems that crazy to him. Ben never seems to have trouble accepting this shit, he was really fucking easy to convince to stay in Derry. “This Eddie… he’s the Eddie we knew as kids, but not the same Eddie we met up with this weekend?”

“Exactly,” says Mike.

“Are you still a goddamn risk analyst?” Richie demands.

“What the fuck is that?” Eddie asks.

“A career invented before fun,” says Richie. “A real snoregasm.”

“So you’re not a risk analyst?” asks Bill, who looks real confused, like he’s having a hard time following what’s going on. “What do you do?”

“Did you guys even know me as a kid?” Eddie cries. “What do you fucking think I am?”

“I knew it!” says Bev, pointing at the screen. “Didn’t I tell you guys he was a doctor?”

“Ohhh! You did say that,” says Bill.

“Too much goddamn school,” says Eddie. “But I went to nursing school like right out of college. I was a pre-med major. I’ve literally been a nurse my entire adult life. I never even seriously considered anything else. That risk analyst shit sounds fucking ridiculous.”

“Hey, listen,” Bill says, almost like he’s snapping out of a haze. “Richie, can you text me your address? I’m in Sherman Oaks, I can be there in like twenty minutes. I just… I want to see you, Eddie.”

“I want to see you too,” says Eddie, because he does. So badly. It feels really good to just say it and not worry about how it sounds. “I want to see all of you. Last time I saw you… I don’t think anyone but me made it out in the other dimension, or whatever it is, Mikey. I think you all died.”

Richie grabs his hand and squeezes it. Whether he’s trying to be reassuring or convince himself that this is really happening, Eddie isn’t sure.

“I’ll be right there.” Bill logs off. 

Beverly suddenly sits up straight in her seat. She sets the glass of wine she’s been holding on the table.

“No one who dies in Derry ever really dies…” she whispers.

“What?” Ben turns to face her. His arm is around her shoulders.

“When I went to my old apartment,” she says, “I… It was disguised as this old woman, Mrs. Kersh. She told me that no one who dies in Derry ever really dies. It didn’t make any sense then, but maybe…”

“I’m gonna have to do some more research,” says Mike. “I have to--”

“Mikey, no,” says Ben. “Get out of there. It’s enough. You’ve been killing yourself in that God forsaken town for twenty--”

“I did, I did, I swear!” says Mike. “I’m in an Airbnb in Boston. Look.” He pans his camera around. Very cute, very tasteful. Unlike Richie’s dump.

Eddie thinks about Mike, about him sitting alone in Derry with no one who really understood. Living above the library. Taking care of them from afar for almost three decades. Mike has done so much for them; he essentially sacrificed any dreams he might have had, his entire youth… Eddie remembers young Mike, fresh faced and handsome, daydreaming about Florida. And he gave all of that up. For them.

“I don’t need to know what happened, Mike,” Eddie says. “I’ll just. I guess I’ll just pick up from where Other Eddie left off. You’re all here. That’s enough for me.”

“We’ll come out to LA too,” says Bev, hand on Ben’s arm. “Soon, I promise. We… Things are a little complicated right now, but--”

“Complicated how?” Richie asks. He’s still holding Eddie’s hand. “I thought you two drove off into the sunset and are now fucking happily ever after.”

“Yeah, well… I mean, we are. Happy. Very happy,” says Ben. “But…” He glances sideways at Beverly. She smiles.

“I don’t have secrets from any of you,” she says. “My husband--my ex-husband. Tom. I filed for a protective order for the time being. Hopefully it’ll be granted. We have a hearing soon, but it’s a long process. I had him served with divorce papers this morning. My lawyer told us it’d probably be best for me to stay out of state for now, nowhere he might be able to track me down.”

“So where are you?” Eddie asks. He’d seen bruises on her arms when she’d shown up in Derry and he feels really bad for not connecting the dots before now. He guesses he’s probably forgiven because it’s not like there was nothing else going on, but still. What kind of shitty friend doesn’t say something about obvious belt bruising?

“Cape Cod,” says Ben, beaming. “My beach house. Tom doesn’t know about me yet, so we’re good.”

“Jesus Ben, you have a beach house on Cape Cod?” says Richie. “How fucking loaded are you?”

“Ben, you totally don’t have to answer that,” Eddie interjects, but Ben laughs.

“Well, it’s a good thing we don’t have to worry too much about money,” says Bev, “because I’m not going to fight Tom for Rogan and Marsh. He can just have it. I love designing, but it’s time for a fresh start. Who knows? Maybe I’ll start my own line.”

It turns out, as Bev explains, that although she was the one with a real passion for design and a goddamn fine arts degree, Tom really ended up taking total creative control of Rogan and Marsh. Eddie doesn’t know very much about fashion, but he thinks he has a pretty good idea of what Bev means when she says that Tom decided they’d focus exclusively on clothing with “clean lines and modern silhouettes.” Boring, safe, will sell well amongst wealthy white mommy bloggers.

Eddie remembers what Bev used to wear when they were young. She had unique taste. Whimsical, a little edgy. It seemed like she had maybe six or seven pieces of clothing in total, but somehow an endless variety of interesting outfits. It’s kind of fucked up that she ended up churning out like, Ann Taylor separates instead of getting to put her talents to real use.

“Speaking of um, separations,” Mike says, “Eddie, sorry. You do have a wife.”

“There’s literally no way,” Eddie says, shaking his head. “I don’t care what dimension or whatever, no way I was straight.”

“No one said that,” says Richie. “Just that you were stupid enough to marry a woman anyway. I Facebook stalked her when we were back in Derry.” Why…?

Richie lets go of Eddie’s hand to pull up Facebook on his phone and types in Myra Kaspbrak and then…

“Oh...my god. I married my mother.”

“Yeah, ya did,” says Richie, nodding. “I kept saying I wanted to fuck your mom but apparently not as much as you did.”

Myra’s Facebook page is not exactly a fountain of useful information, although she is an active Young Living essential oils distributor so she’s clearly a fan of multi-level marketing schemes and junk science, which is a red flag to say in the least.

And sure enough… Married to Edward Kaspbrak. There he is. There’s even a wedding picture with an extremely wide and extremely fake grin plastered on his face. Big yikes.

“Well, I have a great divorce lawyer if you need one,” says Bev.

“Yeah,” says Eddie, scrolling past some posts Myra made in a Homeowners Association group about neighborhood paint color regulations. “Yeah, Bev, can you send me that number?”

What a dumpster fire. It’s so bad he can’t even look away. She hits like every facet of human unpleasantness. Like just a giant ball of traits that Eddie can’t stand. Sanctimoniously Christian. Way too concerned about other people’s decorating schemes. Chronic vagueposting. Belief that you can prevent cancer with lemon juice in water. Minion memes.

How is he even going to go about dumping this lady? He knows nothing about their relationship except that it had to have been a farce. 

How fucking deep in the closet was he? Because if Mike got it right and he’s the same person existing in two different dimensions—which is crazy as shit, although in fairness his bar for crazy shit has been raised pretty fucking high in the last three days—his gay ass was somehow fucking this woman of his own free will.

“What am I even going to tell her?” he wonders aloud.

“Oh that’s easy,” says Richie cheerfully. “Hey Myra, I met up with my friends from middle school and remembered that I’m gay. We’re getting divorced.”

The further Eddie scrolls down her Facebook, the less concerned he is about hurting her feelings, to the point where when she misquotes Marilyn Monroe with that if you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best bullshit, he decides then and there that Richie’s suggestion is good enough.

“I have her number, Eddie, if you want to call her,” says Mike.

“Yeah,” says Eddie. “I guess I’m gonna have to. But not tonight, it’s too late. Tomorrow.”

There’s a knock at the door.

“Also, uh,” says Richie, “are we not going to talk about the fact that both Eddie and Mike are gay?” He cranes his neck toward the door. “Hey Bill!” he shouts. “You gay too, man?”

“Am I what?” Bill calls back. Eddie rolls his eyes, then gets up to open the door for Bill.

Bill has his arms around Eddie before he even has a chance to take a breath. He buries his face in Eddie’s shoulder.

Richie blinks at them. “I said are you gay?” 

Bill doesn’t even look up. “No, I’m bi. I did a whole exposé about it last year in Vanity Fair, it was at like all the grocery stores in the country. Why do you ask?”

“Because I think we’re all turning into the Village People.” says Richie. “I call Randy Jones.”

“You would,” says Eddie, hugging Bill back just as fiercely. That was… That means Richie is gay too, right? Or bi or something. He didn’t say it exactly like that but he also didn’t exclude himself from the group. Luckily, Bill gets up the courage to pry before Eddie can overthink it too much.

“Wait so I think I missed something,” he says. “Eddie said he was gay earlier, I’m bi…”

“I’m gay,” Mike pipes up.

“Oh really?” says Bill, disentangling himself from Eddie and looking very extremely interested all of a sudden. “I didn’t know that.”

“I just,” Mike chuckles, “I just kind of felt like we had bigger things to worry about at the time.”

Bill sits on the couch and looks like he’s about to answer, a smile at the corners of his mouth, when Richie butts in by elbowing him in the side.

“Well shit man,” Richie says. “I wish we’d all just started up that dinner by stating our names and who we like to fuck. I spent the whole time fucking terrified someone was going to figure out… Ben, Bev? You got anything to tell us?”

Eddie really wishes he would’ve finished that sentence. Even though like, realistically, he knows what’s coming. Richie likes men. Whether exclusively men or men and others… he has a chance.

“I got nothing,” says Ben with a shrug. “Sorry guys. I’m straight. Bev?”

“I’m bi too, actually,” says Beverly. Ben looks surprised for a split second and then kisses her on the cheek. She smiles at him. “This is the first time I’ve ever said it out loud though. My ex-husband… He-- Let’s just say he wouldn’t have been supportive.”

“Wow,” says Richie. “He sounds like a dick.”

“So does Eddie’s wife,” says Bev.

“Eugh.” Eddie grimaces. “Please don’t call her that. I didn’t marry her. And I’m going to un-marry her as soon as possible.”

Bill’s phone buzzes. He pulls it out and winces, types a reply.

“Uh oh,” says Richie. “Someone’s sleeping on the couch tonight.”

“I’m guessing your wife wasn’t too happy with you for just taking off, was she?” asks Mike.

“Actually,” says Bill, rubbing the back of his neck, “she was less mad about that and more about how I told her I was moving out as soon as I got back.”

“Oh wait, what?” says Eddie, turning to face him. “You too?”

“Boy do I know the club for you, Bill,” says Richie. “Maybe your lawyer will start giving you a discount for referrals, Bev.”

Eddie smacks him on the arm. “Fuck you, bro.” Richie grins even wider. 

Bill sighs. “I just… I mean, can any of you imagine being married to someone that doesn’t know what you did this past weekend? Who’s never going to understand or even believe you?”

“Absolutely not,” says Eddie.

“But seriously,” Richie adds, “wouldn’t it be funny if you like all had the same divorce lawyer? You could have alimony brunches and shit.”

“I don’t think I really need a lawyer,” says Bill, shaking his head. “We had a pretty airtight prenup. She doesn’t need my money or anything, and I’d obviously give her whatever if she did. It’s not her fault she doesn’t… Anyway, yeah. I don’t really want to go home. Even though I really should keep packing.”

“Well,” says Richie, “as the French day, mi futon es su futon—”

Eddie can’t help himself. “Pretty sure no one says that—”

“Really?” Bill’s face lights up. “Thanks, Rich. I could get a hotel or something but… I don’t know. I don’t feel like being alone right now.”

“I feel that,” says Mike, nodding. 

Bev’s head drops to Ben’s shoulder. “And as much as I hate to get off the phone,” he says, “I think we’re falling asleep over here. Would it be weird to just like stay on Skype until we all fall asleep?”

“I don’t know, is it weird that all I can think about is the next time I get to see all of you?” asks Bill.

“Is it weird that I feel like puking right now listening to you guys?” asks Richie.

[mulderitsme]

the DeadAlive recap. i don’t know how i’m still functioning. 

aaaaaaaaaaaand we’re diving right in. is it wrong to think scully is looking as beautiful as ever while wrapped in grief? because she does. i love the shot of her kneeling by the grave and skinner watching over her. because once again, he is standing next to her, comforting her, sharing her pain. as bonkers as this arc has been i really appreciate the evolution of this relationship. get you a friend like walter skinner. 

kersh is still an asshole but doggett continues to be a good lil’ nugget. dedicated to finding the truth even if he’s not quite ready to accept it yet. still hellbent on protecting and helping scully, because he promised her he would, no matter what. i love doggett the nugget. a good nugget.

scully with a big belly!! finally! i was beginning to think we’d never see her showing. let me see all the waddling, it’s adorable! how many months has it been? never mind that, i don’t want to know.

okay you can’t throw lines like this in my face and leave it at that. what happened?? is she okay?? take good care of the alien baby baby mama!!

again with the flawless skinner x scully scenes!! oh how i love this scene, her desperation, her anger when she’s denied what she didn’t even dared to dream, her “i want to see him” shifting into “i need to see him” - because she does, she does need to see for herself, whether it’s a false hope or a true miracle. once again, she refuses to be coddled, to be spared a truth that might hurt her, break her. she wants to know. she needs to know. and skinner knows it. yet still he wants to protect her; while ultimately letting her decide.

*killing me softly playing in the distance* her hand on her belly ahjsqkfdlq

first skinner, now doggett. they get it. they know her. they know, she knows it’s going to break her. they only want to spare her the pain. but they truly, deeply respect her, so they’ll respect her decision. if she needs to see him, they will let her. she’s so, so brave - they love and admire her for it - but sometimes, they wish she’d be less brave and take the easy road. but scully wouldn’t be scully if she did.

ugh i love, LOVE that she puts her hand on his chest to make sure he’s alive! the joy on her face, the way her smile is blooming with each breath. and when that’s not enough, she puts her ENTIRE FACE on his stomach to physically feel him breathing in and out. that’s her mulder, first missing, then dead, now inexplicably returned to her once more, but this time, he’s alive. this time, she won’t let him slip away. oh gillian and your sweet, sweet faces of pain. how you break me so. 

again with the hand on her belly. listen, i know it’s cliché, i know it’s cheesy, but i love it. give it to me. 

i just like this shot a lot.  

you know, i gave up trying to understand this guy’s motivation. what the fuck, krycek. 

i’m just gonna skip whatever happens with the vaccine and skinner being tortured by a remote and doggett’s idiot macho bs and move on to... 

I’M IN A GLASS CASE OF EMOTIONS MULDER YOU IDIOT!! her sweet little face!! laughing and crying at the same time because she’s SO relieved!! it’s the same stupid mulder she fell in love with, making dumb jokes at inappropriate times. it’s really him. he’s all here. no alien parasite, virus or what have you could ever take over this sweet soul. 

hello, this is the best line in the history of the show, fight me. i screamed. it’s so, so beautiful. “only what i see in your face” fuck me sideways i can’t deal with the beauty of this line

my favorite scully smile so far. the love in her eyes, you guys. so much love for her mulder. 

as happy as i am to see these two reunited, i feel bad for doggett here. it’s such a bittersweet ending for him. what did he gain in all of this? nothing. he told her he’d bring her partner back, and he did. he threw away his career by doing so. immediately afterwards, he is rendered superfluous. the original x files team is back, and he doesn’t know where he fit in anymore. what was he going to say to scully, i wonder? and as the good nuggett that he is, he leaves them alone. doesn’t say a thing. not the right time. he leaves. she’s waited so long for this moment, he won’t spoil it.. a good guy, this doggett. 

they’re so peaceful here. let them rest. let them be happy. let them have time to enjoy life and each other. i beg of you. 

[admiralty-xfd]

Culmination

Mulder and Scully make a difficult decision. Set after the events of “Existence.” This is Chapter 13B, to start at the beginning click here.

DECLARATION

(Existence)

MULDER

He’s never really imagined himself as a father, but today he feels like one. When he holds William, smells his tiny head, gazes into his beautiful eyes that look just like Scully’s, he feels it.  He thinks of himself eight years ago, when he first met her, and how even though he knew their lives would somehow be forever entwined, he couldn't possibly imagine this.

His ringing cell phone jerks him out of his reverie.

Dammit, he thinks. He was sure he’d remembered to switch it to silent mode before the baby fell asleep. Luckily the kid doesn’t stir, and neither does Scully. He slips off the bed and quickly runs to pick up his cell.

“Yeah, hello? Mulder.” He hasn’t gotten used to answering his phone as an unemployed ex-FBI agent.

“Agent Mulder.” The gruff voice of Deputy Director Kersh.

“It’s just plain Mulder now, sir. You can’t possibly have forgotten that already.”

“Mulder, you need to listen. I’m calling to warn you.”

“Warn me about what?”

“Your life is in danger, Mulder. I can’t stay on this line very long. Wherever you are, the danger will follow you. I suggest you disappear as soon as possible.”

His heart drops into his stomach. No, no…

“How can you possibly know this? Where are you getting your information from?”

“You know, Agent Mulder. You already know how close the danger is. The FBI has already been compromised.”

“Sir, you can’t just call here like this, say these things-”

“If you stay, it will put Agent Scully and her child in danger as well.”

A cold chill wracks his entire body. He thinks of Agent Crane and his position within the FBI, how he relentlessly pursued them. He hasn’t forgotten, but he’s tried to forget. As if just ignoring the danger would make it disappear.

“I have to go now. Please take this seriously, Mulder.”

The line goes dead. Mulder stares at the cell phone in his hand, cursing himself for even answering it. Why is this happening now, right when he’s finally happy again?

He sits down on the couch and holds his head in his hands.

Scully. The baby.

All he can think of now are horrible thoughts, intruders, super soldiers busting her door down, throttling the life out of her, kidnapping the baby, him powerless to fight back.

All of them dead. Or even worse, him left alone, again.

How does Kersh know these things? If he’s helping Mulder, his own safety must be on the line as well. Why would he reach out to help him and Scully? They’ve always been a thorn in his side, a hindrance, a nuisance.

Well, he has, anyway. Kersh has always respected Scully. Maybe he’s only helping Mulder to keep her safe.

The worst part is that even if none of this is true, a seed of doubt has been planted inside Mulder’s brain. A hint of fear that may follow him forever. The tiniest possibility that harm could come to Scully or William is enough for him to take this seriously.

For the first time in his life he really hates that the line of work he’s chosen has turned out to be so dangerous. When it was just him, he didn’t have to worry as much. But there are others involved now, people he loves, who could get hurt just because of him.

Mulder recalls something the cancer man had said to him during one the visions he’d subjected him to:

At some point I realized that if the Syndicate didn’t kill you, the FBI would. If the FBI didn’t kill you, your own misguided heroism would. There’s really no way out for you. There’s no way for you to cheat death, except by disappearing.

Could that son of a bitch have been right? Will there ever be a way out for Mulder? Could he ever find any freedom from the forces against him? He wonders if he’s always been destined for this fate of solitude. It would be apropos, of course. If he’d never even met Scully, never had this opportunity for happiness, he may well have been resigned to such a fate.

But he did meet her. He did fall in love with her. And now they have a son together. They’re a family, they are his family. Who would have thought Fox Mulder would be lucky enough to have a family once again?

He hears a cry, and knows William is awake. He walks slowly into the bedroom as Scully is lifting him out of his bassinet.

“Did I hear you talking to someone?” she asks. She sits in the rocker and unbuttons her pajama top, letting William latch. Mulder watches as the baby suckles contentedly, knowing this bliss won’t last much longer.

Of course it won’t. It never does.

She can tell something is up. “...Mulder? Was someone on the phone?”

His eyes finally find hers and he knows she knows something is terribly wrong.

***

Byers, Langly and Frohike are dropping the last of Mulder’s earthly possessions off at Scully’s apartment. Mulder hated to leave Scully and William even for an hour but he had to gather the few belongings he needed before the Gunmen took everything else to put into storage. A few suitcases full of clothes, some important photographs and papers, and that was it. Everything else was to disappear if Mulder was truly going to disappear as well.

He’s greeted by some huge eye rolls when he asks his friends to spare the fish tank but it means a lot to him. The idea of letting his fish die for his quest seems a little too on the nose for him to handle.

Besides, Scully wants to keep it. She tells him it will remind her of him. When Frohike overhears her say this, her wish is his command. She watches him fill the tank and delicately put in the mollies personally.

“Thank you, Melvin,” she says earnestly as he plops the last fish into the tank, now positioned in its new home in Scully’s place. She bounces William a bit, on the tail end of a half-hour long calming routine. He’s finally fallen asleep on her shoulder.

“I may not understand any of this, but you know whenever there’s anything you or the little guy need, we will be here to help in Mulder’s absence,” Frohike tells her.

“I appreciate that.”

The Gunmen supply Mulder with all the fake documents he needs to get the hell out of dodge, say their goodbyes, and are gone. He closes the door behind them and turns to Scully.

“I don’t like this,” he tells her. “I don’t think leaving you two alone is a good idea.”

She walks William into her bedroom over to his bassinet and places him inside. She comes back out and closes the door to a small crack.

“I don’t like this either, I don’t want you to leave. I can’t stand even thinking about it.” She approaches him and takes his hand. “But Mulder… I cannot bury you again.”

“I still say we all go. We head to Canada, or Tahiti, or something.”

He knows as he says it it’s ridiculous. He’s asked enough of Scully. He can’t make her uproot her whole life for him, and with a baby, no less. It wouldn’t go the way he pictures it anyway.

She shakes her head and looks at him, so sad. “We can’t do that, Mulder. A life on the run with an infant? Always looking over our shoulders? I don’t want to have to make this choice but I have to put William first. I have to.”

“Of course you do, I know that. I’m sorry, you’re right.”

He looks at her for a long time. He can’t help but think he deserves this fate, this loneliness. He didn’t fight against it when he should have, it took forever for them to get here and now, by his own doing, he’s being forced to give it all up.

He has to do what he needs to do to protect his family.

“A year. One year without contact.”

He repeats what they’d already discussed, although it sounds much less appealing with every passing second. “How am I gonna do that, Scully? What am I going to do? What are you going to do?”

“If it keeps us all safe, a year will be nothing in the long run.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it.”

She looks down. “I’m trying, here, Mulder. I’m really trying not to make this impossible.”

He just looks at her, holding her hand. She tries to keep this all business. It’s what she does when things get hard. “You have my in case of emergency email, but try not to use it, okay?”

“It’s going to be hard knowing you’re an email away.”

“In case of emergency.”

He nods. “This entire fucking situation is an emergency, Scully.”

“You know what I mean.”

“You know which X Files to bring home? You have the list?”

“Don’t worry about that. I’ll get the ones we need.”

“I hate asking you to do that.”

“I understand why you did. If there’s any truth to any of this, those files are in danger too. I want them protected as much as you do.”

All he can do is look at her. It’s all he wants to do, and now he can't do it anymore.

“I’ll help continue our work, Mulder. The X Files are in good hands with Monica, and John. And I’ll take care of our son until the danger has passed and you can come home.”

He grabs her by the shoulder and pulls her into him, wrapping his arms around her and resting his head on top of hers. Everything in him is telling him not to go, to stay here with her and fight.

But then he thinks of Samantha. His eight year old sister, abducted right in front of him, and the powerlessness he felt at that moment. The powerlessness he never stopped feeling for years, almost his entire life, until he was finally released from it only a year ago.

What if something happened to William? He can’t go through that again, he can’t put Scully through that. He’s already put her through so much.

He always told himself he’d rather her be happy without him than miserable with him. If staying could put himself or them in danger, how could anyone be anything but miserable? She might not be happy with him gone, but she would have William. And they would be safe, he can only hope.

He closes his eyes and just holds her tight. “I know you’re right. This is just so unfair. Why does this have to happen now? I feel like I can finally plant my feet on the ground and for the first time in my life I really want to.”

She smiles into his shoulder. Neither of them want to let go. “No matter what happens, it makes me happy to hear you say that, Mulder.”

“I love you.”

“It makes me happy to hear that too.”

His eyes shift to the bedroom door. “I have to say goodbye to the bullfrog.”

He releases her and walks over to Scully’s bedroom, opening the door slowly. Scully remains in the living room, giving them their moment.

He tiptoes inside and peers into the bassinet, little William asleep soundly, his perfect tiny face still and serene. Mulder watches him for a minute, seeing his tiny chest go up and down, up and down. He had no idea he could love anything so much. All those years he never even thought of being a father, never wanted such a thing.

He was so stupid. He had no fucking clue.

He reaches down and gently touches the downy head of his son softly, as not to wake him. The next time he sees this baby he probably won’t be a baby anymore and he can’t stop tears from welling in his eyes.

“Goodbye, kiddo. I’ll see you soon, okay?” His voice starts to catch in his throat so he says nothing more.

He wants to see William’s eyes, Scully’s eyes, one last time but he doesn’t want to put her through the forty minute nightmare of getting him back to sleep so he goes without. He turns from the bassinet and quietly leaves the room.

Scully is next to the couch and he can tell from her face that she was watching him and William through the door. He crosses over to her and she falls into his arms.

They stand in the middle of her living room for a few minutes, just holding each other. He doesn’t want to let her go because he knows the second he does, he’s going to have to leave. He may not see her for a year. He may not see her ever again. There’s no right way to leave her.

“I can’t, I can’t let you go,” he says. “Who am I anymore when I walk out that door? I don’t know who I am without you.”

They pull back from their embrace and she looks at him. The tears are actively streaming down his face now but he doesn’t care. He’s never been more miserable in his life and has no inclination to hide that fact. He knows once she’s seen his tears she won’t be able to hold back any longer and he is proven correct. She bursts into tears of her own.

“Mulder. Please, please just go before you make me change my mind,” she sobs.

He knows he’s dragging this out too long and every minute he doesn’t leave is possibly putting them all in more danger but he has to kiss her one last time, he has to, so he does. The crooks of her elbows go around his neck as she pulls herself up as tall as she can, and she holds her body flush against his. He tries to memorize every curve and his hands move down her back, pulling her close, drinking her in. He can feel his tears mixing with hers on their cheeks and everything about this is just so heartbreaking.

She finally pulls away first and holds onto his face while wiping his tears with her thumbs. He closes his eyes and pulls her forehead to his; he doesn’t want to have to look at her when he leaves.

But “Mulder, look at me,” she says, her voice beginning to break. He opens his eyes and looks into hers. He never denies her anything.

“We can get through this. We can get through anything. It’s you and me, always.”

He nods. “You and me, always.”

“I love you.”

“I love you back.”

He kisses her one last time, a quick one, and he’s reminded of the last time this happened, in the car at the airport. That time he didn’t come home.

Thoughts like this will keep him here longer, will keep her in danger, will keep their son in danger. So he turns and heads out the door, not looking back.

Thanks for reading! Sorry for the sadness, we know things always get worse for them before they get better. Ugh.

[shania-twain]

i’m still in love with who i wish you were (mulder/scully) part 4/?

Summary: “You were abducted, Scully.” Mulder said, sensing her confusion, “do you remember anything?” Post Requiem. AU.

PART ONE | PART TWO | PART THREE | AO3

i’m still in love with who i wish you were fandom: the x-files pairing: mulder/scully season: post season 7 title: wish you were by kate voegele 4 Months Later

“It’s open,” Mulder called out to the door.

“You’re an FBI agent that’s had intruders in this apartment before and you leave it unlocked?” The rough voice of his boss says, making his way into Mulder’s living room where he was on the couch.

Mulder was laying back, almost looking relaxed if it weren’t for the bags under his eyes. “If they really wanted to get in, no lock would keep them out.”

“Good point.” Skinner stood awkwardly with his hands in his pockets.

“Have a seat,” Mulder offered, barely looking up at him.

Skinner sighed as he sank down onto the other side of the couch. Mulder now had his arm draped over his eyes as if trying to pretend like he wasn’t there.

“I can still see you, you know.”

Mulder removed his arm and looked at the man. “Is there a specific reason you’re here, sir?”

“I’m here to talk to you about work.”

“No shit.”

Skinner grimaced at his tone, not used to his agent’s sarcasm being without a hint of humor.

He continued. “I wanted to tell you that...the X-Files cannot go on any longer if you don’t have a partner-”

“I don’t want a partner.”

“I knew you’d say that,” Skinner said, “so I told Deputy Director Kersh that you would either quit or do paperwork and we both know you won’t go back to that.”

Mulder was quiet for a moment, thinking. Then, “I won’t give up the X-Files. There’s too much to be uncovered there and I still have to find a way to bring Scully’s memory back.”

“It’s been months,” Skinner told him, “the more time passes, the least likely she’ll get it back, you know that.”

Mulder was shaking his head before Skinner could even finish speaking. “Anything can happen, anything is possible. I’ll be finding a way for her to get it back until we’re both too old to even walk anymore, I don’t give a damn. I’m not giving up.”

Skinner did not want to deliver such a low blow but he knew once Mulder set his mind to something, hardly anything could stop him. “When is the last time you even talked to her?”

Mulder’s jaw tightened, his voice strained. “Three months ago. She stopped answering my phone calls and Maggie has asked me to give her time.”

“And? She hasn’t tried to get in touch with you since?”

“She’s had a lot on her mind.”

Mulder looked away then, inwardly cursing himself for tearing up as thoughts of his child came to his mind. Some days he forced himself not to think about it but most days he did and he wallowed in self pity and seethed in his anger from time to time at Dana for doing this to him.

“Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be,” Skinner said gruffly, shifting uncomfortably at the topic of his two agents being involved in a romantic relationship.

Mulder’s eyes were brimmed with red, holding back tears he couldn’t let fall anymore. He was tired all the time. He was lucky to get two hours of sleep these days, always worrying about how to get Scully to remember him. He would tell himself over and over again that it was too late and there’s no way to figure it out, it would happen if it was supposed to happen. But the knowledge that this was done to her on purpose and was no accident fueled his fire and kept him going. He would think of all the times she stood by him, even at his most ridiculous moments. “There is no one else for me but Scully,” he told Skinner, his voice firm but he felt anything but put together.

Mulder looked so helpless and Skinner felt for the man. His shoulders were hunched over with defeat, his eyes wide and glassy, his face unshaven. Skinner patted his back, making the younger man look up at him. “Then you fight,” Skinner said, “you have to fight.”

There was probably almost no chance she’d get her memory back, this Mulder knew. But he wouldn’t give up on Scully in terms of being her friend and maybe at some point, her partner again. Maybe not in every sense of the word but he’ll take what he can get as long as she was in his life. Mulder without Scully just didn’t make any sense. She was his opposite and until she joined him in the FBI he never knew he needed and craved that balance and stability. Mulder didn’t change his pitiful expression. “It took us seven years to get the courage to be together. We let so much hold us back. How am I supposed to start all over again?”

“You can and you will,” Skinner told him, “you’re one of the most passionate people I know when it comes to what you want, what you believe. You can’t give up now.”

His words made Mulder think of a time when Scully told him his passion was so intense it was blinding. It felt good to have at least one person still on his side.

“But,” Mulder argued, “it’s like she’s a completely different person. She doesn’t remember the person she becomes that I fell in love with. After med school, after Quantico, after...everything we’ve been through.”

Skinner nodded in understanding. “If you really love her, you’ll be able to overcome all of that. Accept her any way she is. She can’t be that much different.”

Mulder sighed, placing his arm over his eyes again, looking and feeling hopeless. Even if he could fall in love with this Scully - who’s to say she’ll want him?

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

He’s sleeping when his phone starts buzzing next to his hip. Wiping the drool off his chin, he picks it up, rubbing his tired eyes. “Hello?” he answers groggily.

“It’s me,” he hears a small voice say.

He freezes all movement, his heart thudding in his chest. “Scully?”

“Dana,” the voice corrects and he couldn’t help but let out a disappointed sigh, hoping she had gotten her memory back and was calling to tell him she’s sorry, that she loves him and wants to try for a baby again.

At least she was calling at all.

“Hey,” he said, trying to speak in a neutral tone, “how are you?”

The answer was hesitant, shy. “Good. You?”

“I’ve been better.”

They said nothing then and Mulder hated awkward silences so he just got right to it. “Why are you calling?”

“I just...wanted to check on you.”

“Check on me?” His voice became bitter. He never noticed how much anger he held inside until he heard her words, heard the pity in her voice. “You didn’t seem to care how I was when you aborted our baby.”

“Fox…”

“It’s Mulder. And you never checked with me on how I felt about the child. I love -” his voice suddenly got choked up and he stood up swiftly, swiping angrily at his tears with the back of his hand. “Loved that baby. And you just ripped it away from us.”

“Mulder!” She shouted into the phone and he was taken aback by the force of her voice, having almost gotten used to the timid way Dana speaks, as if afraid of hurting anyone’s feelings. Now she sounded like the Scully he knew, her tone stronger, gaining his attention. He stopped to listen, feeling ashamed at yelling at her once again and yet feeling as if he had every right. He was torn about it.

“I...I didn’t go through with it. Mulder. I - couldn’t.”

It felt like he got the wind knocked out of him. Mulder lowered back down to the couch. “You what?” he whispered.

“I’m pregnant,” she confirmed. “That’s also why I was calling.”

“Four months later?” Mulder found his voice.

“I know,” Dana said, “I’m sorry. I should’ve called sooner. I was afraid you’d -”

“Afraid I’d what?” he prompted when she paused.

“I was afraid you’d never forgive me. That you wouldn’t want anything to do with me anymore.”

“You barely know me.” He was whispering again.

She sighed. “I know that I’ve made you feel like shit since I - you know. But I needed some time to myself and I’ve had it and honestly...you’re the only one besides my family that know me. And I realized that again besides my mom, you and this baby are kind of all I have.” She sighed again. “So I don’t want to push you away anymore.”

He was silent, not believing what he was hearing. She was still pregnant and she still wanted him in her life. He felt like collapsing on the floor and praying to whatever would listen.

“Fox? I mean, Mulder? Are you still there?”

“Yeah,” he answered. “And I’m really relieved to hear you say that.”

“Well I’m relieved you feel that way.”

He smiled.

“So - where are you? Can I come see you? Have you been going to appointments? When is your next one so I can come?”

“Fox, slow down.”  She interrupted. “We have time to talk. I want to take this slow, please. I realize that I - that we were clearly something before this happened but -”

“I understand,” he told her, “I don’t want you to be uncomfortable with me. And I certainly don’t want to make you feel that way. But you have no idea how much this means to me - this - you - and the baby.” He was stuttering and he normally always could find words but at this moment he was so happy he could barely speak clearly without stumbling over his words. “When can we talk?” He finally just asked in a rush.

“We’re talking right now,” she chuckled, smiling for the first time in weeks at his obvious enthusiasm.

“I mean in person.”

“Oh, well, we do have a lot to talk about,” she thought aloud, grateful he wasn’t angry with her for ignoring him for months and withholding incredibly important information regarding his child. Although they weren’t face to face yet and she intended to apologize to him again for her distance. “Maybe this weekend or something -”

“What about tomorrow night?” He asked, eager to see her, to see the baby bump that’s probably formed by now. She probably was glowing and he was missing it more with every second that passed. “Please? After work?”

She heard the desperation in his tone and marveled at how much he really cared for her - or for Scully anyway. And their unborn child. He must have loved Scully so much, she thought to herself. Or me - so much. Sometimes when she couldn’t sleep she would think about how different she was compared to the woman she used to be. Was she braver? Was she more confident in her looks and abilities? More certain in her decisions, more adventurous in her work? Who was the Scully she used to be that made this man on the phone fall so deeply in love with her that he would forgive almost anything just to see her again, even if she didn’t remember him any longer?

“Alright, Mulder,” she agreed, “I’ll come over there tomorrow night around seven?”

Mulder almost argued to make it sooner but figured she would already be overwhelmed enough so he nodded. “Sounds good.”

“Ok,” she smiled on the other end, “I’ll see you then. Goodbye Fox.”

“Bye. Oh and Scully? Uh, Dana?”

“Yes?”

“Thank you.”

She could hear the gratitude in his voice and felt at ease with this man. She treated him so unfairly since she woke up in the hospital and he had given her the time and space she needed and for that she owed him this talk and many more apologies for her hostility.

“Goodnight Mulder.”

“Night.”

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

“Hi.”

Dana whispered, sounded shy and he marveled at the small bump that still held their child.

“Hi, come on in.” He smiled gently to hopefully make her feel at ease and she smiled back, still shy.

He gestured for her to have a seat on his couch, a couch that was so familiar to Scully and so foreign to her now, it made his heart ache in his chest. He really missed her. And he was glad to have her back in his life, no matter the circumstances.

“How are you doing?”

“I’m alright. How are you? How was work?” She asked him, getting the small talk out of the way.

He was shaking his head, “work is work, it’s not important. How is the baby?”

Dana’s eyebrows went up at his words. From what her mother told her about Mulder, he loved his work. It is his most important thing. He’s worked for years searching for his sister, she knew this. “Although,” her mom had told her when she kept asking questions about her former FBI partner after a long discussion about why she decided to join the FBI and not become a doctor. “Even though I only ever saw Fox in work mode, I always, always knew there was one thing more important to him than work.”

“What was that?” she had asked her mother.

Maggie smiled at her daughter looking so young curled up next to her on the couch. She caressed her hair lightly. “You, sweetheart.”

“The baby is fine,” she reassured him, her hands clasped together under her bump as she leaned back against the couch to get more comfortable.

“And what about morning sickness?” He asked, remembering the last time he saw her and she had gotten sick. His stomach twisted at the memory of him yelling at her, of her reluctant face, of the smug face of Daniel Waterston. He hoped the man was no longer around. By the panicked face he made when it came to the B word, Mulder figured the man probably ran as far as he could.

“It’s a little bit more controlled now, thankfully,” she answered.

He nodded, happy she wasn’t feeling so sick anymore. His eyes were glued to her stomach, the joy hitting him all over again that he was still able to be a father and he grinned wide. “May I?” he asked, his hand hovering over her swollen belly and she nodded, watching his face as his hand slowly settled over her stomach.

She inhaled sharply and he quickly pulled his hand away. “I’m sorry! Did I hurt you?”

Dana almost laughed at the question. “No, your hand is freezing.”

“Oh.” Mulder smiled sheepishly, “should I get gloves?”

This time she did laugh and pulled his hand back to her stomach.

“Has she started moving yet?”

“He.” Dana corrected casually, watching his hand rub her stomach in circles. “Not much movement yet, but he’ll start kicking the crap out of me soon, I’m sure.”

“He?” Mulder almost started to cry, barely absorbing any of her words after she corrected him on the gender. He just assumed it was a girl. A perfect little girl with red ringlets and freckles scattering across her face with wide blue eyes. “We’re going to have a boy?”

“Yes,” Dana said stiffly, not registering the emotion on Mulder’s face. She hadn’t cried or felt much when the doctor told her. She still hadn’t felt ready for a baby but she knew in her heart she could not just give it up or take it away. Seeing Mulder’s ecstatic face at this gender reveal (although she suspected he would’ve been happy either way) made her almost feel lonely. It was the strangest thing. She felt left out. It felt like he was celebrating this news not with her, but with Scully. She wished she could be who she was again so she could feel the same joy, and feel as if she belonged somewhere. She felt so out of place. What was she doing here? Why couldn’t she just remember?

Dana squeezed her eyes shut tight, as if forcing herself to gain her memory back and Mulder finally noticed her face scrunched up and he took his hand away again, this time landing his palm on her cheek. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

She almost gasped at the feeling of his now warm hand on her skin, opening her eyes to his concerned face. “Yes,” she breathed, “I’m fine.”

“Maybe you should go home and get some rest,” he said and the worry in his eyes made her blush at his sudden attention. Is this how she would feel when he would look at Scully? How confusing!

“Maybe I should,” she agreed, feeling the need to get away from his gaze. Before he got off the couch to lead her to the door, she stopped him with a hand on his arm. “Hey.”

He looked at her again and she exhaled a breath she didn’t even know she was holding in. “I wanted to apologize again,” she said, “for my behavior. I didn’t intend to hurt you the way I did. You have to understand how lost I felt - and still feel. I feel like I’m not myself. And I feel the pressures of everyone wanting me to be who I was and that’s hard because I don’t know who that was.” Her brows furrowed, “she must have been pretty extraordinary to have you care so deeply.”

The back of Mulder’s throat felt dry and he swallowed, taking in her words. What a complicated and sad situation they found themselves in. “She was - is,” he corrected, tired of talking about Scully as if she weren’t alive anymore when there she was, alive and breathing right in front of him. “We weren’t together a long time, but we’ve been partners for years.”

Dana nodded sadly, understanding and once again having the urge to squeeze her eyes shut.

“We still are partners,” Mulder leaned in close to Dana and she almost pushed his broad shoulders back at him invading her personal space but his eyes held her still. “I’ve still got your back.”

“That’s nice but I won’t be able to shoot any perpetrators if you were ever in trouble,” she joked lightly, trying to ease the unusual tension and create some distance between them by shifting slightly back.

He noticed her minor discomfort and he backed away, keeping his distance. “You’ve already apologized, no need to do it again,” he says kindly. “As long as you and the baby are ok, I’m ok. And really grateful I can be in his life. And yours,” he added.

“Well,” Dana said softly, pushing her hair behind her ear, “thank you for sticking with me even when I treated you terribly.”

Mulder’s breath almost got caught in his throat at the sight of her then, remembering a time when Scully was over and they were on the couch arguing about what movie to watch next when she pushed her hair behind her ear and he leaned toward her to kiss her neck, below her jaw, feeling her blush spread down her neck.

“I should go,” Dana’s calm voice broke him out of his thoughts, though she noticed the clouded look in his eyes and she stood up. “We’ll talk again soon.”

“When is your next appointment?” Mulder stood up with her, “I want to be there.”

“Not until next Thursday,” she told him, “but it’s at one, you’ll probably be at work.”

“I’ll get off early, I can work it out,” he guaranteed.

“Ok,” she shuffled toward the door, him right behind her. “You want to pick me up?”

He smiled behind her as she opened the door to leave. “Absolutely.”

She turned to face him. “Great. Good talk.”

“Yes. Good talk.”

She stood there a moment and he waited for her to say something. “Do you want me to drive you home, Dana?”

“Hmm?” She was distracted by her thoughts, then realized he asked her a question .”Oh! No, no, I can drive.”

“Of course,” he smiled politely and Dana bit her lip, hesitating.

Then, she stood on her toes and kissed his cheek casually, as if it was something she did often. Maybe she did, once upon a time. Mulder’s heart fluttered at the contact. He really missed her.

“Thank you,” Dana said, “I’ll see you Thursday.”

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

When Mulder got home from dropping Scully off, he collapsed onto his couch with a grin. He had gotten to hear the baby’s heartbeat and to keep a small, grainy image of a sonogram that he requested after awkwardly explaining his absence at previous appointments, even though he didn’t need to and the doctor never asked.

Dana had sat there, wincing when the cool gel hit her stomach and listening to Mulder fumble over his words to the doctor, who was amused.

“You’re here now,”  Dana had told him with a small pat on his hand and more apologies in her eyes.

Mulder had taken her to lunch afterwards and chattered away about the baby, about shopping for clothes and a toys and books and a crib and all his talking almost made her dizzy, she could hardly give any input. She didn’t have much to say anyway, as she still hadn’t felt a close connection with this baby growing inside her. All she felt was tired all the time and more often than she was used to, she would wake up from sleep or naps very sore and achy and it made her grumpy, which was not pleasant to be around, she imagined.

“Did you know the baby can make facial expressions now?” Mulder asked her at lunch, scattering the many thoughts consuming her mind.

Dana nodded, feeling his enthusiasm buzzing off him from across the table where he had his head buried in a pamphlet the nurse had given him.

“Of course you know that, you’re a doctor, you know everything,” he answered his own question and brought the pamphlet slightly down to grin at her. While his energy was exhausting her, his infectious smile made her heart skip a beat. At least Scully can pick a good looking father, she thought to herself then immediately rolled her eyes inwardly at referring herself once again as a completely separate person.

Mulder dropped Scully - Dana - off at her mother’s and asked politely but eagerly if they could do baby shopping that coming weekend and she agreed but told him her mother would want to go which he wholeheartedly encouraged.

Now it was almost midnight, Mulder had been staring at his baby’s sonogram photo for a while then he forced himself off the couch to tidy up his apartment a bit. It took him much longer than he realized but he guessed falling into a deep depression because the love of your life forgot about your existence and no longer wished to carry your child could make a place messy. But he was feeling much more chipper now, downright giddy as he proudly displayed the sonogram photo on his fridge. He had never quite envisioned himself being a father but the more he thought about all he could teach his son, the person he could watch his son grow into...he loved the idea more and more and thankfully it was becoming his reality. He’d never be more grateful to Dana for changing her mind about the baby and he knew that Scully would absolutely never forgive herself if she had gotten her memory back and had the knowledge that she let go of her child in that way. It would’ve destroyed her. Feeling his thoughts go into dark territory, he swiped his mind of them and put his bowl of cereal in the sink, stretching up and feeling his tense muscles relax after being stiff for a few hours.

Scratching his stomach, he tiredly made his way to his bedroom to fall into a hopefully good night’s sleep when there was a knock at his door. Who the hell was at his door at almost half past midnight?

He stumbled toward the door, opening it to see a small and equally exhausted Scully with the faint hint of bags under her eyes, clad in her pajamas with a fluffy pink robe over her. Her eyes were wide awake, full of terror and he immediately ushered her in.

“S - Dana, what happened? Is it the baby?”

“No,” she whispered, crossing her arms across her chest even though he knew it wasn’t cold because he kept it warm in his apartment at night. She looked spooked. He resisted the urge to hug her.

“No, I...I think I remember something.” His heart almost stopped in his chest at her words. He waited with bated breath. Her eyebrows furrowed with confusion as she tried to recall the memory. “Or at least, I dreamt something odd. Something I didn’t understand.” She looked up at him then, into his eyes and he gave her a patient nod to go on. “I was hoping you would be up to - to help me make sense of it.”

Mulder nodded again, leading her to his couch to let her sit. He smiled softly when he saw her matching pink slippers to go along with her robe. He was surprised he never noticed those when they were on a case somewhere else. Her face, although worried, was radiant. Her skin was brilliant and flushed, her eyes the lightest blue. She was adorable in her fluffy pink robe and slippers.

“I didn’t wake you, did I? I’m sorry. I didn’t want to worry my mom with this sort of thing - so I snuck out.”

He found himself smirking. “You snuck out? Scully - Dana, you’re a grown woman, not a teenager.”

She shrugged. “I don’t like for people to worry about me. I left her a note.”

Mulder found comfort in the fact that Scully had always been this way. She never liked for people to worry over her. Usually it was herself that did the worrying. But he felt honored she had come here to him for help. Or clarification.

“What was this dream about?”

“I don’t know where I was,” she started “but I’m in a bright white room and I can hear men’s voices but I can’t see anything. Just white.”

Mulder listened thoughtfully for a moment and she watched his face. “It could probably be that you’re remembering your abduction from six years ago. From what I remember you telling me.”

Dana was told about that when she was in the hospital so it did not come as a surprise to her. “Do you think she’s -” she paused, sighing, “I’m coming back? That I’m remembering my life?”

“I don’t know,” Mulder answered honestly and she nearly flinched at the obvious longing in his eyes. She wished she could give him what he wanted so badly. “Can you remember anything else from the dream?”

“Yes,” Dana said, “there was something placed on my head. I don’t know what it was, a pressure. It hurt a lot.” The pain she remembers brings tears to her eyes.

He was surprised at her words. Scully had never mentioned anything about having a pressure on her head. Perhaps this was a memory of her second abduction? Mulder rubbed his eyes, not believing the words “second abduction.” He hated himself for constantly putting her in dangerous situations, even though he knew Scully had accepted the costs long ago.

He looked up from his hands when he felt Dana put her small hand on his shoulder, tried to give her a reassuring smile. “Do you want some water?” he asked.

She nodded and when he returned from his kitchen, sat next to her again. “I don’t know what that dream exactly implies but...I’m going to take a shot in the dark and say that when you were taken again, maybe that’s what you’re remembering? Some strange men’s voices, a pressure on your head?”

Her voice was small. “It freaked me out. I wasn’t able to make out the words any of the voices were saying, that’s all I remember.”

Dana looked genuinely freaked out by it and he thought of their first case together, in Oregon, as they argued in a hallway, how freaked Scully was over Billy Miles being able to commit a crime.

“Could’ve just been a weird dream,” he lied to make her feel at ease and he knew if she were the Scully he knew, she would not tolerate that for a second. “I mean,” he found himself quickly retracting his previous words, “it could be something. But I think you should get some sleep before we try and analyze this. Maybe you’ll have another dream and hear something to help us figure it out.”

Dana shuddered at the thought of dreaming about a bunch of strange men surrounding her and not knowing what they were doing with her, with her body or mind. “I’m not going to be able to sleep,” she was shaking her head.

“You can stay here if you’d like,” Mulder offered almost too quickly, “you shouldn’t drive all the way home again. Take the bed, I’ll sleep here.”

Dana hesitated. “Won’t you be uncomfortable?”

He smiled slightly at her question but felt the familiar pang in his chest that this woman really didn’t know him. “I’ll be fine, I promise.”

“Okay,” Dana said, still unsure. “Can we stay up a little while longer?” All she could think about on the drive to Mulder’s apartment was what the dream could mean, why she only heard men’s voices and why she could feel pressure on and in her head. What the hell had happened to her?

“Yeah. Of course.” Mulder told her. “What do you want to talk about?”

“Anything.” Dana yawned and Mulder tried not to smile. “Tell me how we met.”

Mulder smiled earnestly now, taking time to take a sip of his own water. “Well, Dana.” His voice dropped an octave. “Do you believe in the existence of extraterrestrials?”

She arched her eyebrow. “Logically, I would have to say no.”

Mulder smile faltered at her words, feeling Scully calling out to him but it wasn’t and was her. He was so conflicted.

“We didn’t meet chasing around little green men, did we?” Dana asked, tickled by the mental image of her and Mulder running around a field after aliens with giant butterfly nets.

“No,” Mulder answered, amused, “you were sent to spy on me and debunk my work.”

She was more awake now, intrigued by how they met. “I guess I didn’t do a very good job,” she laughed, “aren’t you still working in the x-files department?”

Mulder nodded but thought not for long, as he no longer had her as his partner and refused to have anyone else. He wouldn’t tell her that though. “There were many things we both saw that were both unexplainable and undeniable.”

Dana could see the sadness in his eyes and she knew he was thinking about all that she had lost, in her family, her health, her own memory probably…

“Jokes on me,” Dana gestured to her bump, “I’m having your baby.”

They laughed and Dana was pleased to see his anguish melt away, if only for a moment.

Mulder put his glass down on the coffee table, facing her.

Her cheeks were rosy, almost as red as her hair, her smile sparkling, enchanting him.

He found himself smiling too. “I’ve missed that smile.”

Dana looked into his eyes and they were twinkling with the same look she had grown accustomed to ever since she woke up in the hospital. He looked at her with a rawness and vulnerability she had never seen before. She realized he was looking at Scully that way and not her but his charming smile and their closeness had her captivated. She found herself leaning into him and kissing him. Her eyelashes touched his cheeks, her small hand on his shoulder as she pressed herself against him, eyes closed at the feel of his soft lips against hers.

Mulder’s eyes were open in surprise, his hands hovering in midair, unsure of what is happening. This was Scully and she had initiated a kiss with him. She had spent so much of her time coping with her new life and pushing him away, he wasn’t sure what changed. When she pushed against him harder, he sighed inwardly, thinking again, this was Scully.

The woman he had loved for years. Whether or not she remembered everything. It was still Scully.

Mulder placed his hands on her hips, kissing her back. She pulled away and smiled at him, kissed him again. “Is that ok?” she asked timidly.

Mulder pulled her back to him.

When they both pulled away several minutes later, Mulder rested his forehead against hers, both breathing heavily. Scully bit her lip and ran her hand down his jawline.

“Fox,” she whispered and Mulder shivered at her warm breath on his face.

“Mmm?”

She was pondering what to say and it made him pull back from her curiously.

She took a deep breath. “I know you -” she paused, contemplating her words. “I know you want...her, but I am her and she is me and...well, I just want you to know it’s ok that you look at me that way.”

Mulder was confused. “What way?”

“Like you’re still missing something. Someone. Like you’re still grieving.”

Mulder bowed his head, as if ashamed. He didn’t know he was doing that and now he felt terrible. “I’m sorry for that,” he said sincerely, “I don’t know any other way to look at you.”

“That’s why I said it’s ok.” She touched his cheek reassuringly. “Really.”

She couldn’t explain why she felt herself falling so quickly for someone she didn’t know at all, but who knew her so well. His eyes were hypnotizing, his face so appealing and open to her. It was almost intoxicating and she felt moved by his feelings for her.

Dana leaned her forehead against his chin, feeling his arms come around her. She could feel his nose in her hair, hear him breathe her in and sigh with relief and contentment. She closed her eyes, knowing she was falling asleep and fast.

Mulder’s mind was racing. It felt so right to hold her again, her bump against his stomach. Even if Scully never gained her memory back - at least he still had her. And their baby. And honestly? It was all he needed. He knew of her slight reluctance to celebrate anything baby related but felt that the excitement would come in time. He’s alright with that even though it bruised his heart to think about how absolutely over the moon Scully would be. But he couldn’t think about that now.

He nudged the sleepy head on his shoulder with his nose. When she stirred slightly, he whispered: “do you want me to carry you to bed?”

Dana’s eyes fluttered open and she pulled away from him, off the couch, standing up and placing one hand on her belly and extending the other to him with a timid smile.

He took it and led her to his bedroom.

End of part 4

[syntax6]

Also for Flick Fic Week

Here are some bantery, smutty FtF-related parts of “Scavenger.” :)

The worst part about the dream was that she never knew when it was coming.  Good days, bad days, boring days -- there was no rhyme or reason.  The beginning wasn't always the same, so even in her sleep it could sneak up on her.  She would be with Mulder, sometimes arguing, sometimes walking -- once, to her chagrin, they had even been making out -- when the room would start to spin.  She felt the floor go out from under her, like an earthquake, and bile would rise in her throat. Dark and cold set in next, but those were bearable. The worst part was feeling herself expand, the terrible pressure that pushed her internal organs back up under her ribs, and the second heartbeat that echoed hers.  

She heard it in her head, felt it in her bones, relentless. The end was the same: she awoke clawing the sheets, gasping for air.  Always, her hand went to her middle to touch the phantom inside. Scully rolled out of bed on shaky legs and went to splash water on her face.  She knew the source of the dream, of course; she'd read his reports until the paper was threadbare.  It got so she didn't know how much of the dream was her memory and how much was his nightmare come to life in her subconscious.  Plus, there were holes.  She remembered most the pounding inside her and the white white ice. Water dripped down her chin as she stared at her face in the mirror. 

I went there to quit, she thought, I went to leave him.  

She remembered her speech because she'd practiced it in the car on the way to his apartment.  She had vague recollections of standing there, telling him she was through.  His face, crystallized in disbelief, this she would always remember.  But his answer was...what? She couldn’t recall. She could ask, but then he might tell her. How embarrassing, she thought, if he had said okay.  If he had been relieved.  You were great Scully, but I agree it's time for a change of scene.  Keep in touch.  

She had practically forced herself back on him at the end, had in fact been forcing herself ever since -- wither Mulder goest, she went also, whether he liked it or not.  Lately he'd been disappearing on his own again, leaving her behind like something he'd scrape off his shoe. Thanks, he'd said last night, and seemed to mean it, but still she didn't dare ask.

*snip*

Dusk settled, muting the crazed colors of the Woodsbury town fair.  Helpless stranded balloons waved from the trees, and a brass band played swing music on center stage.  Mulder and Scully crossed the soft, fresh-cut grass, taking care not to step on any picnickers enjoying the show. Children flew past them like accelerated particles -- one hapless victim crashing headfirst into Mulder's knees. 

"Fireworks won't start for another hour," he said as they stood in line at the concession stand.  The scent of popcorn hung heavy in the air.  "We have time to ride the Ferris wheel."

She eyed him.  "Mulder, no."

“Scully, yes."

"Amusement rides at country fairs are notorious for their poor safety codes."

"It looks plenty safe to me."

"I've heard that one before -- usually just before one or both of us ends up in quarantine."

He paused to order his hot dog.  "And she'll have..."

"A veggie burger," Scully supplied, and Mulder made a face.

“Now that's danger right there.  Those things will scrub out your lower intestine like a Brillo pad."

"At least my food doesn't contain an actual intestine."

He scanned the chalk-written menu. "Beer?”

"Why not?"  They weren't on the clock so one beer couldn't hurt.  

Mulder handed her plate to her but couldn't get his wallet out with his hands full of hot dog. "Hold my wiener, Scully?"

She took it without thinking, and the kids behind them laughed.  Mulder bit his lip in silent mirth as she gave him a long-suffering look.  "You do this to me on purpose."

"It's a heck of a wiener, isn't it?"

She took advantage of his open mouth and shoved one end in.  "It sure is, Mulder."

They strolled over in the direction of the temporary picnic tables.  "Seriously, Scully," he said between bites of wiener.  "When was the last time you were on a Ferris wheel?"

"Seriously, Mulder?  Never."

"Never?  That's impossible.  Why not?  I know you're not afraid of heights."

"We didn't do stuff like this when I was a kid.  My parents weren't circus people."

"That ends a long-standing question I've had," he said, and she nudged him in the shin with her foot. 

"Plus, a rickety, waving bucket fifty feet in the air?  I don't see the attraction."

"Don't knock it 'til you've tried it," he replied.  He tipped back his head to drain his bottle of beer.  "Finish yours and we'll go."

She looked down into her bottle.  "I may need another."

"It's fun.  You'll see."  He grabbed her hand and started dragging her toward the line.

XXX

Over the trees they went, halting at the pinnacle to load more people on to the wheel.  Mulder used his weight to rock their swing, and Scully gripped the side.  "Admit it," he said.  "It's nice up here."

She peered through one eye at the blanket of lights stretched out beneath them.  "It's okay."  Up in the air, it was cooler.  The big band had shifted into "Stars and Stripes Forever," and the music wasn't so loud from their vantage point. The wheel heaved to a start again and Scully relaxed a bit in her seat.  The bucket of bolts wasn't going to collapse just yet.  

"I just love the Fourth of July," Mulder said, stretching one arm behind her.  "Barbecue and fireworks and all-day baseball games."

"The holiday ends tomorrow," she reminded him. "Kersh is going to want to know where we are."

"He won't even miss us."

"Sure, right up until the next fertilizer assignment comes in."

He looked at her. "I didn't think you'd even noticed."

"Mulder, how could I not notice?  The man has given us every scut assignment that comes down the pike." He turned his head, and she frowned.  "Wait a minute -- what you mean is, you don't think I *cared*."

He still avoided her eyes.  "Not exactly."

Scully forgot her unease and shifted in the swing, grabbing his arm.  "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I figured you liked the change, that's all.  We're coloring within the lines for once.  It must be a relief to you."

"I can't believe you'd say that, Mulder. All our training, all our years of experience in the field, it's all being wasted on pissant cases so Kersh can grind us into the dust, and you think that makes me happy?"

“I didn't say happy.  I said relieved."

She looked away.  Up, up, and around they went.  She felt a little dizzy.  "I don't believe this."

"Well, the truth is, Scully, that sometimes I don't know whether you differentiate between the X-Files and a giant pile of sh--"

“Mulder!” 

"Well, it's true!"

"I can't believe you'd even say that."

“Oh, come on, Scully.  At the end there you weren't exactly bowling anyone over with your enthusiasm."

"I worked every bit as hard as you did."

"I never said you didn't."

She glared at him.  "No, I just don't quite live up to your high standards, is that it?"

"Now you're putting words in my mouth."

"I don't think I am."

"You left, Scully.  You quit, remember?  You had a transfer and you wanted to leave."

"Not the X-Files!"

"No, just me."

Her mouth snapped shut.  "Is that what you really think?"

He gave a half-shrug.  "It's the truth, isn't it?"

"Mulder, I told you I wanted to stay.  I told you I wasn't going anywhere."He shrugged again, his eyes on the ground below, and she realized the problem:  he didn't quite believe her.  She rubbed her forehead with one hand, wondering what to say, and she felt his fingers close over hers.  He tugged her hand down and into his lap.

"Fireworks are starting," he said just as the wheel came to a halt again.  They swayed in front of a glittering sky.  The first round of lights sputtered out as quickly as they had exploded.  Scully curled her fingers around Mulder's and watched the giant ghostly smoke spiders dissolve into the trees.

XxX

Yawning, she opened her door in slow motion when he stopped in the motel parking lot.  Mulder popped the trunk and pulled out a familiar box.  Scully blinked at him.  "You're not seriously going to watch more of those tapes tonight, are you?"

"I figure I've had my break. Time's ticking here, Scully. If we don't ID this guy soon he's going to put another notch on his belt."

She drew a shuddering breath and walked towards him.  "Okay, then. Two sets of eyes are better than one.  Let's get to it."

"No, Scully. You get some rest. No point in both of us burning the midnight oil."

"It's just past eleven."  She put her hands on his back and began steering him towards his room. "Let's go.”

“Okay, okay."  He let her propel him to his door, where he fumbled with the box and the key.  Scully leaned against the outer wall and yawned some more. Inside, he wrestled with the VCR while she took off her shoes and on his semi-made bed.  The sheets smelled of starch and Mulder.  "I think this is the one," he said as the TV screen came to life.  "Yeah, June nineteenth is where we left off." He yawned as well and crawled across the bed to join her.  

She wiggled her toes in his blankets.  "You like Chris Cullen as a suspect?" she asked.

"Wouldn't rule him out.  We know he had contact with at least two of the victims.  By his own admission, he's been here during the summer for the past four years."

"What if we can't find Mark Roy on any of the tapes?"

"I don't know. I'm hoping like hell that we do, but something tells me it's not going to be that easy."

She nodded and settled in against the pillow.  Deep and soft, it let her sink forever.  She watched the flickering black and white images through heavy eyes.  A man with a long beard was buying a six-pack of Heineken and Twix bar.  Yuck, Scully thought, and then was fast asleep.

She jerked awake hours later to find a blank, glowing screen and Mulder passed out beside her, the remote still in his limp hand.  Curling towards him, she nuzzled into the pillow and contemplated his slackened face.  Lashes shadowed his cheekbones and she could see the faint stubble creeping in around his chin.  His mouth was parted a bit, his lower lip shining in the surreal light.  In her dreams, she could taste that lip -- salty and cold.  She felt it pressed to hers with such urgency it took her breath away.

Just a dream, she thought lazily, but it seemed so real.  She sneaked another look at his mouth, and Mulder sighed.  His breath teased over the plump bottom edge, making it quiver, and Scully felt an answering flutter in her belly. Her subconscious could *not* be making this up. I've kissed him.  I must have. 

She drew up and looked down at him more sternly, as if he were holding out on her.  Still no memory came.  Impossible. His mouth worked in and out once, almost like an infant's, and he turned his head a bit on the pillow.  Scully's heart sped up. I could do it now, she thought.  Just to see.  If there's any way to know for sure, it's to try it again. She squeezed her eyes shut, hardly daring to believe what she was contemplating.  She wasn't going to molest him in his sleep, was she?  

Yes, yes she was.  He would never know and she needed to know.  It was just a kiss.  She swallowed hard and began her approach.  Her hair fell forward as she leaned down so she tucked it behind her air.  Already her skin was sensitized, the sweep of her fingers against her skin making her tingle.  Mulder didn't move.  She lowered her face another few inches until she could smell him, smell the cotton of his T-shirt and the warm creases in his neck.  Her mouth watered and she licked her lips.  His exhales brushed her lips; she almost jerked away. Light-headed, she closed her eyes and let gravity do the rest.  Their mouths met.  

Scully froze, terrified he would wake, but Mulder slept on.  Gradually she relaxed and let herself feel his lips against hers.  Nope, she thought as she lingered, never done this before. She shifted position and kissed him a bit more firmly, changing angles so their lips brushed again and again. Suddenly, he stopped cooperating...

He pulled himself from sleep like he was dragging the ocean, slow, the tides sucking him back in.  He could taste her tongue against his lips and he didn't want to wake up just yet. But his eyes flickered open. Cool air and warm skin. Scully's hair against his cheek.  He could hear her heart beating, or was it his own?  She looked down at him with wide luminous eyes.  

Oh my God, he thought, panic face in action, but he didn't so much as twitch.  He kept perfectly still so as not to scare her away.  When he found his voice, it came out pitched like gravel.  "What was that?" 

"Um."  She cleared her throat and looked at her hands  "An experiment?"

"I see."  He stared at her some more.  "What was the purpose of this experiment exactly?"

"To see if we had done... this before."

“We haven't."

"Yeah, that's what I found out."

"You were unclear?"

"Um, maybe a little, yeah.  It's hard to explain."

"Oh."  His hand came up and cupped the curve of her face.  He stoked her fine skin with the pad of his thumb; she leaned into his touch.  "Maybe we should do it some more, then. Just so you're certain."

"We could..."  She licked her lips. "We could do that."

"Good."  His hand snaked around to the back of her neck and brought her down to him, closer this time.  Her breath whispered across his face just before her lips came down on his.  He exploded like the evening's fireworks, sparklers behind his eyes as she learned him with her hot little tongue. He tasted her lips, her teeth, felt the soft weight of her pressing him into oblivion.  Her thigh made a rough slid over his, denim on denim, Scully twisting in his arms.  He sprinted around the bases waiting for her to stop him sliding into second, but she just raised her chest for his hands.  Shaking, he stroked her through her T-shirt with tender fingers until she broke off panting against his face. 

"Mulder--"

"Stop?"  He found her swollen nipples with his thumbs and she shook her head.  Her free hand slipped under his shirt to skim along his ribs.  He took it as his cue to do the same.  

Soon he had her bra undone, trapped under the cotton shirt with his nimble fingers.  He pinched her nipples at the same time and she cried aloud.  His cock twitched in his jeans.  She was breathless, needy, and for once he knew what to give her.  His thigh rose up between her legs.  He couldn't imagine they would actually get their pants off; even in his dreams he couldn't get that far.  If they left their clothes on, it wasn't really happening. They groped like naughty teenagers, grinding together on the bed while he played in her mouth with his tongue.  The pressure in his pants grew unbearable but he made no move to relieve it.  

Scully wasn't as patient.  His hips bucked when her fingers found him, playing along the taut fly.  He pushed his head deep into the pillow and gritted his teeth.  The only sound in the room was their ragged breathing and Scully working their zippers.He sighed when he felt her weight come down on him again, his cock still tucked half inside his jeans.  She kissed his neck, his ear, his chin.

He couldn't believe the velvet smooth expanse of her back.  Jerking her shirt up, he mapped greedy hands over every inch of her.  His fingertips found the loose waistband drooping at her hips, rubbing up and down and sneaking a little farther in each time.  Scully's hips picked up his rhythm, forcing him deeper, until at last he met the leg band of her underwear.  The lace edge was slippery, wet, and he wedged his fingers inside.

Scully spasmed and muttered a dirty word near his ear.  

"There?" he breathed against her sweet skin. She hummed a yes, pushing into his hand, and he clawed her hair out of the way to see her face.  

Her eyes were closed in concentration, her brow furrowed the way it did when she was working out an argument.  Thinking about fucking me, he thought, and nearly lost it right then.  He bit her shoulder, cotton and all .Her tempo increased, her rocking deepened.  Blood thrummed in his veins.  Thisisitthisit… 

The phone rang. He froze but Scully's hips jerked several more times on his hand.  She braced herself on either side of his head. "Phone," she murmured, sounding lost.  

Phones ringing at 2am meant only bad news.  He pressed his face to the hollow between her breasts.  Somehow, he managed to free his hand from her thighs, and Scully collapsed onto the bed, still breathing hard.  He steadied himself and answered the phone. "Mulder."  His voice came out just a little strained.

"Agent Mulder, it's Eleanor Kot.  I'm sorry to disturb you at  this late hour."

He lay back, closing his eyes.  His dick throbbed in time with his pounding heart. "What is it?"

"We just got a call from CiCi's daughter Janet.  CiCi went to the town fair and hasn't come home."

Mulder looked at Scully.  Her hair was tousled, her cheeks flushed, but her eyes were concerned.  He reached over and squeezed her knee.  "Scully and I'll be right there," he said to Eleanor. 

"Hurry," she answered.  "It may already be too late."

XxXxXxXxXxX

[ghostbustermelanieking]

here

s8 vignette: roadrunners, deadalive, empedocles, vienen, existence. disgusting baby fluff. part of my series that i write as i rewatch the x files.

Summary: Four times Mulder or Scully talked to their baby, and one time they both did.

note: this is a sort-of sequel to ashes and dust (it takes place before and after it, so), but it could just as easily be a standalone. it’s canon compliant, but i also like to imagine that season 9 never happens after the end of this fic. it makes me a happier person.

warning for the depictions of the events in these episodes, and fear of losing a pregnancy.

---

i.

She wasn't thinking about the baby when she first went to Utah. She's barely thought about the baby at all since she found out she was pregnant; she didn't know how to, with Mulder gone and a new partner and all of it. She just wanted to find him, and that seemed to be all that mattered at the time. Guilt had hung over her like a low fog—finally, she'd gotten what she wanted, she was going to be a mother, and she barely even felt happy about it. When she'd woken up in the hospital after the ordeal in Arizona, she'd been relieved to find out that the baby was okay, fearing the worst after being thrown into a wall, but she hadn't been able to linger too long on it. She hadn't saved Mulder and she was stuck with Doggett and it hadn't seemed to matter.

Now. Now, Doggett has saved her life and she can't think about Mulder. She did, very briefly, when Doggett was carrying her away; she selfishly wished that it was him, that she wasn't going to wake up alone if she woke up at all. But when she was tied to the bed, all she could think about was the baby. How she could protect the baby. She screamed for help even though she didn't know if anyone could hear her; she just wanted to save the baby.

They do an ultrasound a few hours after she wakes up, the wound in her neck stitched up, and she cries when she hears the fluttering thump of the baby's heartbeat. She has no idea what the fuck the goddamn slug did to her, she'd been terrified of what it would do to the baby, and she couldn't fathom losing anyone else. Losing another child, Mulder's child… it was unimaginable. It is so hard to hold back with Mulder gone, when all she wants is to find him, to fill his place, but she has to. It isn't just her own life she's risking; she has to protect her baby.

There's very few people she'd do anything for. Her family, of course, and Mulder, but the living population of people that she would give her life for has grown slimmer and slimmer over time, all the people she's lost. But when she hears the heartbeat, knows that the baby is okay, she realizes that she has added another to the list.

She curls up on her side when the nurses leave her alone; it hurts to put pressure on the stitches. She reaches down and touches the spot where she knows the baby is, thinking of the diagram in her medical textbook from years and years ago. She's only a couple of months along, so her stomach is still flat, but she thinks she can still feel the baby. It's silly, but she feels connected to the baby in a way she's only ever felt connected to Mulder. Probably even more so.

“Hi,” she whispers to the baby, feeling even more silly. She knows that the baby can't hear her, but she can't help it. (Mulder would talk to the baby, she thinks. He’d be overjoyed.) “It's me. Your mom.”

The room is silent, the walls too white. Far off, she can hear the screech of a heart monitor.

“I’m sorry,” she blurts helplessly, and goddamnit, she is crying again. She's cold; she burrows under the blanket, but she keeps her hand over the baby. She wonders if the baby is cold. She wonders if the baby felt the slug burrowing up her spine. She shudders, wipes her eyes with her free hand. “I'm so sorry,” she whispers. “I never wanted you to be in danger. Never. I'm so sorry that this keeps happening.” She blinks back tears, lays her cheek flat against the pillow. Strokes the spot as if the baby can feel her.

“I am going to keep you safe,” she says. “I promise. I'm never going to let anyone hurt you. Ever.”

She sniffles, wiping her eyes and nose again. “And I'm going to find your daddy,” she adds, because it is important that she remember that. That the baby know that. “I promise that, too. He's going to love you so much.”

If she closes her eyes and concentrates hard enough, she can almost hear the phantom ka-thump of her baby's heartbeat. Your baby is just fine, the technician had said with a smile, handed her tissues as she burst into tears.

“I love you, too,” she murmurs. “I want you to know that, okay? I love you more than anything.”

ii.

The baby kicks for the first time the night of Mulder's wake.

The funeral is the next morning. She's here in North Carolina, in a too-fancy hotel because it's the only one that didn't make her think of Mulder. Snow is frozen on the window sill, not falling from the sky, almost brown with dirt in the parking lot. She wonders briefly how they will break the frozen ground open enough to lower Mulder into it, and promptly vomits in the bathroom sink.

Her mother tried to come into the hotel room with her, and she coldly responded that she needed time to herself. Closed the door in her face. She would feel bad if she didn't feel so numb inside. She sits alone in the room, curled into the corner of the flowery couch because the bed, with its huge mattress and fluffy comforter, looks too empty. She'll feel his loss, the empty space where he should be, too strongly if she sleeps there, and she still can't believe he's gone. In the soft space between sleep and awakeness, she's fooled herself into thinking she never lost him. And she doesn't want that, not tomorrow, so she sits on the couch alone. Tears smeared across her face, eyes swollen from tears she tried to hide.

People kept coming up all night and telling her that they were sorry. She hid in a corner, tried to stay out of sight, but they still found her. She wondered who had told them that she was his partner, mother of his child. She wondered if you could just see it on her face.

All these people she didn't recognize were there. People who never cared about him. A sample of the FBI’s finest, assorted Mulder relatives that Mulder had never mentioned in his life. Kersh, of all people. Doggett and Skinner and the Gunmen. Her mother hovered near her, holding her hand.

She avoided looking at the coffin. The government who had screwed him over again and again gave him a flag, like he was a hero. He was a hero, but the government didn't know it. Not enough people knew it. She knew it. She loved him so much.

Scully curls up numbly on the stiff hotel couch. She doesn't feel real. She doesn't have any idea how long she's been sitting there, how long until she has to get up and go bury the love of her life. She doesn't know how the hell she's going to do it without him. She just wishes it would stop, all of it. She wants a time machine, she wants to stop any of this from ever happening. She'll save Mulder, his sister, her sister, her daughter. She'd never let him leave. She'd never let him go. She wants it all to stop. She isn't thinking about the baby.

And then she feels a strange fluttering feeling.

She dismisses it at first; between bouts of morning sickness and grief, she's barely been able to keep any food down for the past few days. But it happens again and again, in an insistent sort of way. In a way she can't ignore. Almost like her baby wants her to know she's not alone.

Scully sobs, a sharp, broken sound. Mulder's child. She is having Mulder's child, a child he will never meet. He has left her, but he hasn't left her alone, and he will never know this. She touches her stomach and the baby kicks at her hand furiously. “Hi, baby,” she whispers, dissolving into hiccups. Tears roll down her cheeks and off of her chin, dotting her black dress. She wipes her face and takes steady breaths until she can speak again. “Hi,” she says, and the baby kicks again. “Hi, honey. I'm here.”

She can hear the heater rattling in the background and all the silence there to fill it. She can't remember what his voice sounds like anymore, but she knows he'd be over the moon. She can't remember the last thing she said to him. She hates that. She wants to go back to that moment where she said goodbye, wrap herself around him, never let go. Tell him, I'm pregnant, Mulder. Don't leave me. Don't leave us. This child of hers that will never know their father.

“I'm sorry,” she says, and she feels like she is always apologizing to her baby, but she means every word. “I'm so sorry you'll never get to meet him. He would've loved you. He would've been the best father in the world.” And then she's crying again, too hard to speak, and she presses her hand to the baby, and the baby is moving all the time as if to comfort her, to remind her that she is not alone.

She takes a few shaky breaths, doesn't move to wipe her face, and she rubs circles over the baby the entire time. When she can speak again, she does. “I'm here,” she tells the baby again, and thinks, Thank god you're here. She will get down on her knees and thank God for that. They've left her this, and that is something. She is not alone. “It's okay. It's gonna be okay. I'm here.”

She sleeps restlessly, quivering on the couch cushions, trapped in torrid dreams of Mulder that leave her waking up calling out for him helplessly. But she can feel the baby moving inside of her—quickening, her medical memory reminds her—and she is grateful. Thank you, she thinks, and hopes the baby can hear her.

iii.

When Mulder finds out he is a father, his first instinct is to find something to give the baby. Some apology for these months that he’s missed, how close he has come to never meeting this baby at all.

He digs into some boxes he'd retrieved the year before after his mother passed and finds the doll from his childhood. He'd carried it around for the first four years of his life until his sister was born and his father talked him into handing it over. Samantha had eventually gotten detached from the doll, when she was seven or eight or so, but it had been sitting on her bed when she was abducted, and it sat there until his mom moved out. It had belonged to both Mulder kids and now, cheesy as it is, he wants it to belong to his kid. If Scully wants it.

He drives over to Scully and finds her happy, waiting for a pizza. For one golden moment, he thinks everything might be okay, imagines a lazy day of movies and pizza and teasing each other and Mulder asking every single possible question about the baby. And then Scully bends over, gasping in pain, and all Mulder can feel is fear.

He kneels by the stretcher in the ambulance, gripping her hand. She's nearly unconscious, looking up at him with hazy affection, fear layered underneath. Her hand pressed to her stomach like she can physically shield the baby from harm. He kisses her forehead, reaching down and placing a tentative hand on the swell of her stomach. He offers up a prayer to no one that she is okay, that they are both okay.

---

They won't let him stay with Scully. Normally he'd wait out in the waiting room, but an Agent Reyes calls, asking for his help, and something in him can't say no. The distraction is welcome, but he feels horrible for leaving her alone. He never lets Scully wake up alone in the hospital if he can help it. He goes back as soon as he has an opportunity.

He is so incredibly relieved when Scully tells him that they're going to be fine. He touches her stomach again. They smile at each other like they can't believe it. He is a father, he thinks incredulously. A father.

---

He drives Scully home from the hospital. He doesn't leave her side. They take her down to the car in a wheelchair and he walks down beside her, helps her into the car, notes the doctor's insistence that she take it easy. He takes her home and orders another pizza to make up for the one she missed.

Scully is in love with the doll. She finds it creepy, she proclaims, which is fitting for two X-Files semi-retirees (or whatever the hell they are). “But creepy’s okay, I think. As long as it's not haunted or anything,” Scully adds firmly, smoothing the doll’s yarn hair before setting it down on the coffee table.

“If any family's doll would be haunted, it'd be this one,” says Mulder, completely serious. “Of course, I never experienced anything strange, but that doesn’t mean it’s not there. Have you ever heard of that possessed Raggedy Ann doll, Annabelle?”

Scully shoots him a sharp look before dissolving into giggles. “That's the last thing we need,” she says. “Let's not go there, Mulder.”

Mulder covers her hand with his in a tentative sort of way, and she intertwines their fingers warmly, letting her head fall against his chest. “Thanks for staying with me,” she whispers.

He strokes the side of her face with his free hand. “I wish I hadn't left,” he says softly. “But they wouldn't let me back because I wasn't the husband, and Agent Reyes called me in for help.”

“It's okay,” Scully says in a soft voice. “Although there was no reason not to let you back. I'll talk to Dr. Speake.”

He wraps his free arm around her in the tightest embrace they can manage. “I was worried about you,” he says in a choked voice. “Both of you. I was scared.”

“I was, too.” She tucks her face further against his chest and speaks into the fabric of his shirt. “But we're okay,” she says, and she sounds happy when she says it. He sniffs a little, tucking his nose into her hair, cupping the back of her head. “We're okay,” she says again, and he breathes out in relief.

He slips his hand down to touch her stomach again. He hates that he can count on one hand how many times he's done this. Every time feels like the first time, and it is stunning. The baby kicks under his hand, and he sucks in a stunned breath. “Hi, kid,” he whispers to the baby, and he feels Scully smiling against him. “You doing okay in there?”

The baby kicks again at the sound of his voice, and unexpected tears rise to his eyes. “I think… I think your mom disapproves of the haunted doll I've got for you,” he says, swallowing it back, and Scully laughs, shaking her head and drawing back from his embrace. He keeps one hand in hers and the other on her stomach. “But I think you can handle it,” he tells the baby seriously. “If you're half as brave as your mom is, you've got it covered.”

iv.

The helicopter that fishes Mulder and Agent Doggett out of the Gulf takes them to a facility in Texas. Scully has done a phone consultation with a doctor down there to instruct them what to look for to see if they are infected. Mulder is relieved—he doesn't want her to get infected, even though he doubts they are infected, and he knows she can't fly this late in her pregnancy—but standing there in soaking wet clothes, sore from jumping from so high and his head spinning from all of it, he wishes that she was here. He misses her.

They're cleared within a few hours and stuck on a plane home. Kersh is furious, Skinner reports over the phone. Scully has gone home to get some much needed rest, but she's offered to pick them up from the airport the next day. Mulder sleeps dreamlessly on the plane, exhausted.

They land in the morning. Doggett doesn't make much conversation, so neither does Mulder. They find Scully by the baggage claim, and relief washes over her face when she sees them. She gives Doggett a brief hug, and Mulder feels brief jealousy curdle in his stomach before she brushes past Doggett and comes to him. She takes his face in her hands and kisses him hard on the mouth, in an angry sort of way. “Next time, you tell me when you leave to go chase some dangerous alien virus,” she tells him sternly, her voice trembling almost inaudibly, and all he can do is nod. She kisses him again before turning to leave the airport. Mulder trails along behind her, awkwardly avoiding Doggett's eyes.

“Kersh is furious, as I'm sure you know,” Scully says as they exit the airport.

Doggett works his jaw back and forth irritably. “More or less what I figured,” he says.

“What else is new,” Mulder adds dryly.  

“It's worse than you expect. I've never seen him this upset.” Scully lifts her face up to meet his eyes, and her own eyes serious. A sort of a warning: this may be the final straw.

Doggett thanks Scully for her help and exchanges an awkward goodbye with Mulder before going to find his car—he'd driven himself to the airport. Mulder has been taking cabs for the past month, since he hasn't been cleared to drive yet. Probably hasn't been cleared to jump off of oil rigs, either, but what the hell does that matter.

Scully is quiet on the walk back to her car, quiet on the drive home. She takes them back to her apartment, and Mulder is relieved; he half thought that she would drop him back at home. “Scully, I'm sorry,” he says as she parks the car. “You're right, I should've told you I was going. It was a shitty thing to do.”

Scully sighs, her shoulders tensing. “It's okay, Mulder,” she says, turning to look at him. “It's like you said. You needed to be out there. Who knows what would've happened to Agent Doggett if you hadn't gone out there? I was just… worried.”

“I know.” He reaches for her hand and she takes it. She rubs at her face with her other hand wearily. He kisses the side of her head gently. “If it helps,” he says softly, “it looks like I might have a lot of time off fairly soon. No more avenues to run off during.”

“Oh, Mulder, I don't know if they'll fire you. This seems so… minor compared to other things you've been reprimanded for.”

“Nah, they've been looking for an excuse.” He presses his lips against the spot above her ear, the console bearing into his stomach as he leans towards her. The idea of being fired terrifies him, but not as much as it once would've, he thinks. He feels as though there are more important things between them now. The baby that is due in a couple of weeks, for one. He wraps his arms around her, stretching the seatbelt around his chest, halfway on top of the console.

Scully hesitates for a moment before hugging him back. “Promise me you won't run off without telling me,” she mumbles. “That you'll be careful, Mulder.”

He nods. He kisses her cheek, her forehead. She leans into his chest briefly before climbing out of the car. They go up to her apartment together.

---

They take a nap in her bed, Scully more than exhausted and Mulder right on the cusp. He falls asleep dizzily, wrapped around Scully, and wakes up a few hours later. She's still asleep, wrapped in his arms, and he smiles, rests his cheek against the back of her shoulder.

The baby is kicking, and his earlier words come to him, unbidden: When he's old enough, tell the kid I went down swinging. He didn't mean it, not really, had only said it in case he really didn't make it back. He doesn't want to leave the baby. He doesn't want to lose his chance at a family.

“Hey, kiddo,” he whispers, mostly because he thinks Scully is asleep. But also because he wants to apologize, even if he knows the baby can't hear him. He palms Scully's stomach gingerly. “Hey. I, uh… I told your mom to tell you I went down swinging if… if I didn't make it back. But I didn't mean to, uh. I didn't want to… I wanted to get back to you, more than anything. And I wanted you to know that I tried if I didn't. But I did.” The baby kicks at his palm again and again, and he smiles, tucks his nose against the base of Scully's skull. “I made it back. I'm here,” he says.

There's a sniffle from in front of him, Scully's hand coming up to cover his. He snuggles into her from behind, puts his other hand next to hers. “I made it back to both of you,” he whispers.

v.

She paces around her moonlit apartment with her son curled in her arms. She's already fed him and he's already stopped crying, but she doesn't want to put him back down yet. It doesn't feel real, any of it, and a smile rises to her lips as she holds William. She has a son. She and Mulder, they did this. It doesn't feel real, after everything that happened, all the times she thought she'd lose him, lose them both, all the times she'd thought it impossible. But he's here, her little miracle.

She's rocking William back and forth as he nestles into her, wrapped in a blanket her mom had picked out with his eyes half closed, and all at once she feels Mulder's arms come around her from behind, his warm palms on her stomach below where she cradles Will. His nose presses into her neck, her hair and the goosebumped skin beneath; she shivers. “Hey,” she whispers sweetly. “Thought you were asleep.”

“I woke up.” He's holding her against his chest, gently; he reaches up with one hand to touch William's little fist. “Wanted to see you two,” he says happily; she can’t remember the last time she heard him this happy.

She's smiling so hard her face hurts; she sways back and forth unconsciously and Mulder sways with her, tightening his arms around her in a desperate sort of way. Will makes small sounds and Mulder shushes him, his chin on her shoulder as he whispers to the baby. “Hey, buddy, it's okay,” he says softly, touching the top of his head.

William keeps whimpering anyway, eventually escalating into full-blown wails. Scully tries to shush him as she rocks him back and forth. “Oh, honey, it's okay,” she whispers. “It's all right, you're okay.”

“Here,” Mulder murmurs, nudging her side as he rounds her to face them. Understanding, Scully lifts William and sets him down in the cradle of his father's arms. Mulder makes small soothing sounds as he bounces the baby up and down. Watching them together makes a lump rise in Scully's throat; he's here, they're together, and she can't believe it.   

She steps closer to them, leans down and kisses her son's forehead gently. “It's okay, sweetie,” she whispers. She reaches up to soothe her son and William curls his tiny hand around her pointer finger. “We're here,” she says, tears welling in her eyes. She leans into Mulder's side where he's not holding the baby, and runs a finger down William's little nose. “We've got you, Will. We're here.”

[tayrco]

Mine and @gingerstorm101‘s new fic is finally finished! Buckle up, guys. It’s a long one. 

Rated T: for the couple of swear words littered throughout the fic. 

Summary: A new case connecting to Jackson is handed to Mulder after years of him being on the run. Post MSIV. Cross posted on Ao3 and FF.net

A couple years have passed since that night on the docks and little has changed since then. Mulder still has his job with the X-Files, though he was given a month of unpaid suspension when Kersh got a hold of him for that apparently controversial Tad O’Mally story, where he was claimed as the source. He knew the truth, but he wasn’t telling his boss that.

But that wasn’t a problem with him at the time because Scully was pregnant. While this was truly a second miracle for them, it was still a huge risk, both medically and emotionally. In hindsight, Mulder was glad for that month of unpaid suspension because it meant he got to see firsthand what he missed out on all those years ago: Pregnant Scully.

But time has passed and their daughter, Samantha Arielle Mulder was born in the early hours of a snowy January morning via cesarean. She is just over a year old now. Mulder smiles at the framed picture of his partner and child. Seeing their smiles is contagious and he can’t help but smile as well. His second child with her — he didn’t dare agree with what she had said that night. Jackson was his son and he loved him just as much as any father would love their child, even if he wasn’t around for a most of his life, though not by choice. She had just been in shock to hear what Skinner had told her combined with finding out that she had been pregnant again. And finding out what Jackson had been up to.

His phone ringing breaks him out of his musings.

“Mulder.” He answers and waits for the response on the other end. He responds with a quick “On it, sir”, the line going out just as he says the last syllable.

He stands up, feeling his spine crack as it straightens. He takes a moment to feel insulted with every pop of joints that follows suit before making his way out of the basement. At 59, he refuses to indulge in the idea that he’s getting old.

Stepping into the AD’s office, the aging man nods to his superior. “Skinner.”

“Agent Mulder,” the salt and pepper-bearded man pauses, “I have a case for you. From the images alone, it resembles an X-File that we have on record. I need you to look into it and come up with a profile on this criminal as soon as you can.”

He nods, looking down at the file in hand not even bothering to open it. Ever since Samantha was born, Skinner has been ordering more and more profiles instead of shipping the man off to hunt down the criminals.

Sometimes it was for the best.

And sometimes it was not.

Those are the nights when Scully puts her foot down, takes the file in hand, and hits him over the head with it before pulling him into a hug and whispering to him everything he needs to hear at that moment.

Back in his office, Mulder collapses back into his chair, lifts his feet onto the desk with a small groan, and stared at the closed file in front of him. Could he get this one done before 5pm and get home to his family, or should he wait?

Glancing up at the clock and taking note of the time, he ponders again. I have over an hour before Scully expects me home. Tossing the file onto his desk, he decides to wait until the morning before starting a new case. It’s an X-File— it can wait another day. He dropped his feet to the floor and pulled his chair closer to his desk. Mulder begins to reach for another case file he was working on when something caught his eye. One of the photos had come loose and slipped out onto the desk.

It was a body that looked like it imploded and considering his line of work, there’s a good chance it did.

Instantly Mulder thinks back to that motel room, watching as four bodies around him become soup on the ground.

Jackson.

William.

Whether his hands are shaking due to old age or the information he just found out, he may never know. Either way, Mulder snatches the file from the desk and opens it to the crime scene photos.

It was the same thing that he had seen just two years ago. Entire bodies gone. Splattered everywhere.

Flipping through the file, he notices that the states where the bodies were found varies, scattered across the country and no body was found in the same state twice. That is, until the final two. Washington DC.

Mulder picks up his desk phone and he dials a number that has been imprinted in his brain for 25 years.

“Scully, it’s me. He’s here. He’s come home.”

***

Equipped with his briefcase, Mulder makes his way to the front porch of their home early that evening. He unlocks the door quietly and makes his way inside the house. “Will you ever leave the door unlocked for me?” He calls out, placing his work on the coffee table.

“I will when I can trust people to not come kill us at all hours of the day.” Scully’s voice calls from the other room. Following the sound of her voice to the kitchen, Mulder finds his what-would-be-wife in the kitchen, roast in front of her and Samantha clutching her leg like a lifesaver. “Besides the obvious, how was your day?” Her head tilted towards him, a soft smile on her face.

He smiles back, walking up close to her to lay a kiss on her cheek. “It was as expected until the last little bit.”

“Da!” Samantha’s toothless smile greets him. Squatting down, he lifts the baby into his arms and gives her, too, a kiss on the cheek. “How’s my baby girl been today?”

“Cranky.” Her mother replied, her tone implying that she is not necessarily talking about their one year old daughter.

“Well you don’t look so cranky now, do ya Sammie?” He cuddles her close, oblivious to her suggestive tone, resting his head on his daughters wispy, soft baby hair.

Scully scoffs, grabbing the vegetables from the stove. “You weren’t here for her breakdowns over her missing binky.” Mulder laughs, earning a small glare from his partner. “And now that you’re home, you can finish dinner.” She drops the utensil she’s holding onto the counter and stalks off toward the bathroom for a much needed shower.

The night passed in an uneventful fashion, and putting Samantha down was easier than it had been in the past couple weeks. She had been sick for the past week or so and she stayed up most of the night crying to make sure her parents didn’t forget.

One thing about Samantha is that at night, she is usually quick to put down and they seem to be getting back on track with that tonight. She uses up all her energy during the day, tiring her mother out.

Scully drops onto the couch in a huff, handing Mulder his beer. “Ok G-Man, show me this case file.”

Mulder clicks open his briefcase and pulls out two files, an X followed by a six-digit number printed on the front of each one. “Skinner has gathered a bunch of cases from across the country and compiled them into the single file that he handed me today. This one,” he hands her the first file, “is the file they opened two years ago when I went to go see Jackson myself.”

Scully is silent for a couple moments as she looks over the two files. “In my professional opinion, these are done by the same person.”

“The only problem is, I’ve been told to profile the case.” She sighs. “You have to get inside his head.” He didn’t say a word for what it felt like an hour, but when he went to take a swig of his beer, it was still cold. “We don’t know much about our son, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t ways we can find out.”

“Without Skinner and Kersh knowing?” Scully sighs. “We know that he hasn’t been taking his prescription for almost 3 years now-“

“Which makes getting inside his head all the more fun-“

“So I can find some way to get you the information from his records. For medical reasons, of course.”

The two leaf through the files in hand, marking down information on two notepads, trying to block out the information they already knew about the teen. One was for information they were to keep to themselves about Jackson, and one was to go to the higher-ups. Mulder doesn’t want Kersh to know that he knows who the suspect was. He didn’t want to ruin what little hope he had of reuniting with his son on good terms. If Kersh ever found out that he was trying to protect the suspect, their son, then he’ll have to kiss his job goodbye. Completely finished.

Glancing up at the clock, Mulder sighs when he sees it is only 11pm. Four hours and we hardly got anything, Mulder thought to himself bitterly. Taking in the information he and Scully had put together, he noticed that the notepad that was to stay at home had only the information that they already knew. I want to believe that he didn’t do it, He covers his eyes, but there is no denying the truth. Jackson did this.

“Our son is a criminal.” Scully whispers out loud. Mulder grunts in response, his mind replaying the scene from that night. “Will he ever be happy? Will he ever be at peace?”

Mulder freezes. Be at peace?

“Scully! We’ve been looking at this all wrong.”

“Pardon?”

“These case files have been calling these attacks targets on innocent people!” He stands up from the plaid couch. “When I watched him use this power, we were the ones being attacked. I was already on the ground, and we were outnumbered. He was using it in purely self defense.”

“The next morning a car was found with a body of the name case on the side of the road...” Scully remembered. “You think that man had attacked him?” He paced around the room, his thoughts coming out rapidly. “That trucker said that Jackson attacked him, thoroughly frightening him to the point he will likely need therapy, with the images of Ghouli inside the cabin.” He spun a 180, facing his partner. “I had my doubts too, I thought he was doing this on purpose.”

“But you think people are still going after him?”

“Sarah told me that his fear was being locked up and experimented on.” He was struggling to keep his voice level. The last thing he needs is to wake up their daughter. “Fuck!” He hisses, kicking the edge of the table.

Scully jumps, to her feet. “Mulder, calm down!” She whispered, her voice cracking.

Mulder tries to convince himself to sit back down, but he has too much energy to stay still. “I need The Lone Gunmen right now. I need someone to pull up all his information so I know exactly what went on in his life.”

“The Lone Gunmen aren’t just a phone call away anymore, Mulder!”

“They are the only ones who can help us right now.” He said sullenly. “They can get us the information. Might even be able to track our son down.”

She moves closer to him, lifting her hand to rest on his arm. “Pack your bags while I get Samantha ready. If we are going to look for our son, we are doing it as a family.”

***

On the road, highway I95 specifically, the small family drives to their old friends.

The car ride was short compared to how long they were used to driving, and with Samantha fast asleep in her car seat, the ride was smooth. It wasn’t until midnight when the little girl wakes up that Mulder finally pulls over at a rest stop to fill up the tank and to get a cup of coffee for him and Scully. And just in case, he grabs a bag of sunflower seeds.

With everything paid for, he makes his way back towards the car where Scully is hopping into the backseat with their daughter to give the baby her midnight bottle.

Instead of handing Scully her coffee, he places both cups in the holders in the front seat, well within her reach. “Ok Madam, where would you like to go next?” He jokes, starting the engine and buckling his seatbelt.

“Wherever is fine, maybe a nice island adventure tonight?” She says airily, placing the bottle at Samantha’s lips, who greedily gulps it down.

Mulder smirks into the rear view mirror. “As you wish.” And with that, they are back on the road.

It is 1:30am when they arrived to dock. Feeling around for the hidden button, Mulder makes his arrival known to the three men before sitting back in the car with the girls. He knows it’s going to be quite a wait.

A half an hour has passed by the time a motor boat arrives at the wooden dock.

“Anyone ask for a lift?” Langley asks, tying the boat down.

Mulder grabs Samantha and both his and Scully’s overnight bags to load into the boat, letting her lead the way. Scully climbs into the wobbly boat and takes Samantha from Mulder while he sets the bags down.

“My my, the little duchess has gotten big.” The blond man comments.

Scully smiled fondly at her daughter. “I know. Some days I wish she would stop growing. But others, not so much.” Mulder silently laughs, knowing those days. It’s the ones where he comes home from work and she hands his daughter over before collapsing on the couch face first, leaving him to fix dinner and calm their restless daughter.

“Next stop, home!” Langley shouted as he started the boat.

The last part of their trip was uneventful. Langley doesn’t ask any questions as to why they have suddenly shown up at their proverbial door in the middle of the night. But they made small talk to pass the time. Samantha slept the rest of the trip, the calm waters soothing her into a peaceful sleep.

It was nearing 3am when the family and friend finally make their way to the front door of the house. A retina, hand, and voice scan later, the door unlocked and they were welcomed in.

“New tech?”

“Got to keep up with the times.” Frohike’s voice came from inside the house. “And how is the lovely Ms. Scully today?” The elder asked, greeting the new comers. “As well as anyone with no sleep and a year and a half old baby would be.” She answers, taking her coat off and hanging it beside Byers. “How have you boys been?” She returned.

Byers spoke up, a grin on his face. “As well as the average dead guy.” She snorts, taking Samantha from her father before turning back to their old friends.

“Is there somewhere I can get some rest before we start as to what we are here to do?” Byers nods, escorting her to the spare guest room Mulder had used the last time he was visiting. “I try to keep it clean, but we don’t get many visitors.”

“We would visit more, but Sammie has been keeping us home more often than not. It’s hard to be our age and keeping up with a baby on a daily basis.” She sighed, setting the carrier down on the floor. Byers left the two in peace as Scully took Samantha out for the rest of her bed time, and to Scully, a well needed nap.

Out in the living room, Mulder takes out his briefcase and starts on explaining what has become of his son.

“No wonder the kid is running.”

“He’s not a kid anymore. If they find him, he will likely be tried as an adult.”

Mulder grunts, “It’s the worse part he’s running from.” Handing the other men the case files. “Scully and I believe he’s been doing this in self defence. Two years ago I had the privilege to witness Jackson to implode four people who were after him. And now he’s shown up again in DC.”

The guys gave each other odd expressions, commenting on the gruesome images before them.

“I want to know more about his childhood. About these abilities of his, without the government knowing. I was told to profile the person doing this, I refuse to let them know it’s William.”

Langley was the first to jump into action. “I knew that boy of yours was special.”

“He’s tall too.” Mulder throws out offhandedly.

“So what name are we searching for?” The blond asked, his fingers at the ready.

“Jackson Van de Kamp.”

“Searching… Searching… Okay, we got 5 names for the US. All with Drivers Licenses.”

Frohike leans forward. “Photo ID; got him.” Mulder stands straight, his back tense. “I need you to get me everything on him.” Running his hands threw his hair is started to walk away. “I need coffee.” And with that, he was out of the room.

The three nod, taking a double glance at the photo of the teen, before they each got to work on their separate computers.

Mulder took some time to himself while brewing the coffee. He stepped in on the girls, checking to see how they were fairing. Fast asleep, the pair of them. He stood there watching as they slept, taking in their deeps breaths. He wished he could fall asleep like that at this moment. Maybe sleep for a good 10 hours if the baby even allowed him. Getting old sucks. He admits to himself. He didn’t blame Scully for getting pregnant at such a late stage in her life, but after 20 years of being barren, it was a miracle. Even if Samantha wore them out faster than the average parent.

The ding from the coffee maker brought his attention back to the present day. Mulder straightened from his position against the door frame, and walked away from the room.

The coffee was strong; black, just as he needed it after the last few weeks of not getting much sleep. The first cup he gulped down quickly burning his throat, not even moving from his spot in the kitchen, poured himself a second cup, then made his way back to the living room. “Whatcha ya got?”

“What do you want first?” Frohike asked. “We got a medical records, school records, sealed police records, even found his birth records that were sealed by the adoption agency.”

Taking a sip of his beverage, Mulder looked over the files before him. “I’ll leave the medical records for Scully to look over. From the looks of them, they are going to be interesting, as she’s already spoken with his psychologist. But print off everything, this is going to take a while.”

“Not to mention your eyes hurts after you stare at the screen too long.”

Scully’s voice made him jump, nearly spilling the coffee on his shirt. “I thought you were asleep?”

She strolls over to him, her hand under Samantha as she held her close. The little girl’s eyes were wide as she looked around the computer filled room. “Well I was, until someone started poking my face.” Her eyes stay on the child, a small smile appearing on her face. She glanced over to him, not meeting his face, her eyes somewhere else. She walked forward. “Is that coffee?” He nodded, lifting the mug to his lips. She intersected, pulling the mug towards her, and taking a refreshing gulp of the bitter drink. Mulder thought about taking the cup away from her, telling her to get her own, but he decided against it, and handed the hot cup over to her. She needs it more.

“I’ll get another one.” Was his response of her downing the beverage. “Make that two, please.”

***

The group sat around in a circle of the dining room table, each holding their own notepad to make quick observations, while Samantha playing in a circle of toys. In the centre of the table laid the crime scene photos of the past two years.

Peeking over at what Scully was writing down, noticing a column to the side with check marks in a couple places, Mulder looked down at his own notepad. What is fact and what is fiction? He wonders, looking over the notes made by the psychologist that Jackson had seen in his teenage years. He was only twelve when he started seeing help. The same age I was when I needed to see help because of my sister’s disappearance. He remembers that age. Part of him wanted to tell exactly what he saw, but there were times when he had made up what he saw cause it’s what he thought he saw. But everything I saw was true. Every version of it.

He kept his sigh to himself, and looks over his notes again. ‘Pain and loneliness.’ Well, he's not surprised. He was still a child when his powers were growing, and a preteen when, according to his notes, they started to get stronger.

‘Jackson claims that he has always had this part of him that was different, that was the underlying cause for him to act out. But in the last year is when it’s gotten worse. Puberty?’ The notes read.

Mulder isn't surprised to learn that his son was getting out of control even at such an early age.

‘Jackson tells us that he put another boy in the hospital, says that the boy deserved it for bullying younger students. When asked about it, he just said he made the boy bleed in front of everyone.’

He thought back to that night, he’s been doing that a lot since he was handed the case file. Was that the start of it all?

‘His parents are sending him to WinGate Wilderness Therapy Program, a boarding school for the troubled kids to help him. Jackson doesn’t want to disappoint his parents, but he doesn’t want to go. He hopes this is the last school he goes to; he’s been moved around too much, he says.’

Boarding school? He takes a sip of his now cold coffee, and starred his note to cross reference with the school records Byers and Frohike were tag-teaming. His adoptive parents were troopers dealing with him.

‘Jackson claims that he started a pile-up in the middle of the intersection near his house by just using his mind. I’m baffled as to how this could happen, but he sounds serious. I hope this new medication will start working soon for his own safety, now that we have taken a PET of his brain activity. His rather high brain activity.’

Now that is something I believe he could do. Mulder quickly jots down his notes on the high brain activity, something he’s known for quite a while, and looks up to see his partner look at colourful images in her hand. He slid the doctor’s notes towards her, silently pointing to the paragraph, and had her read the connection between the two.

Her eyes only widen silently, hardly even noticeable to the average observer. But he could read her like a book. She jotted down notes of her on, only glancing at the page once more before nodding, letting him take the notes back to his side of the table.

‘Jackson changed since the men from the government showed up. He’s not as open as he use to be.’

“Byers, Frohike, which one of you has the information for WinGate Wilderness?” Mulder questioned, writing down another not he had.

“I do,” Frohike answered, “Compared to the other schools, he didn’t get in as much trouble, but he still caused a racket.” He tossed his notebook over to the centre of the table for the group to read.

‘Fights with other trouble kids.’

‘Sneaking into the Dean’s office and automating the P.A. System and bell.’

‘Destruction to school property.’

Hacking into the school’s database.

Changing half the students’ grades.

Claims all those kids had cheated on their exams.

‘Four cases of questionable and unknown situations:

Found a way to the roof with the door still locked and no ladder.

Suspected with tampering with brakes on a teacher's car. No evidence found.

A second case of fighting on school property, leads to another student hospitalized for excessive internal bleeding.

A teacher hospitalized after a disagreement with Jackson, teacher’s headache turned serious.

“These are some of the things he had done while at the school for the troubled. There was far more at his middle school before he went here.”

Mulder watched Scully’s facial expression as they listen to the man speak.  “He had been seeing his psychologist since he was was twelve.” He takes notice of the way her eyes crinkle. She made the connection too. “He hasn’t seen her in years, all documentation stops when he’s 17.”

Byers spoke up. “He must have started seeing her after he started getting into fights at school. Says here, he put another kid in the hospital by fighting in the school yard.”

Mulder nodded. “I got that same got over here from the psychologist. I presume it was the start of where he learned how to do this.” He states, pointing to pictures in the middle.

“I have notes here,” Scully started, “That Jackson was seeking help because of multiple violent episodes as a child. His parents were worried because he broke several windows during a temper tantrum.”

The woman sighs. Mulder reaches over and grabs a hold of her hand. “We wouldn’t have been able to stop it.” He reminds her. She gets up and leaves the table, picking up the happily playing child. He takes this moment to look at her note book. At the top of the single column on the side of her page was written one word: Me.

My name should be on there too. He laughs to himself.

“So what we have is a boy who was a loner and has been having behavioural problems since childhood, getting progressively worse once he hit puberty. Talking to a therapist did little to stop his behavior or help with his mental problems. He was went to a school for the troubled, where he still caused problems for the head of the school.” Mulder summarized. “And now we have a teenager out there with a body count.”

“Sounds familiar, doesn’t it?” Langley snarks.

Mulder glares at the blond man, “Now’s not the time, Ringo.” Dropping his notes to the table-top, he walked on of the room. He could feel the tension in his shoulders ready to get loose and hit something. But he wouldn’t dare to do that in front of Samantha. He made a promise to not get angry in front of her, and he doesn’t want to break it so early in her life.

He doesn’t even have the full story, but heis already putting the pieces together of his son’s life. He knows Jackson Van de Kamp was a loner. Someone who was pushed aside from his fellow classmates because he was different than them, and he knew it. He started to use these abilities to cause harm to others because he’s angry.

‘...quiet ever since those men from the government showed up.’ The psychologist had written. Maybe he knew who those men really were, and whether it was fact or fiction he was telling her, he stopped because of them.

And then shit truly hit the fan for him.

Well, I hope Skinner is happy. I got my profile. Speaking of which, he headed back inside. “Byers, can I use your phone?” With a quick call to the A.D.’s office, Mulder explained to his supervisor that he won’t be in that day, and possibly the next day. “Thanks.”

“You okay, Mulder?” Scully asked, pulling out some food for the baby.

Grunting, he nods. “I just, I got my profile for Skinner. I think I deserve a nap.”

Frohike walks passed him. “No one’s stopping you, I was thinking the same thing myself.”

“Go on, I’m going to give Samantha her mid-morning snack before the two of us head to have a nap ourselves. It’s been a long day.”

“Yeah, now we just got to find out who is hunting our son.” Mulder says sullenly.

***

Mulder wakes up to a small body sitting on his hip instead of between her parents. Her tiny fingers play with his nose, and the sweetest giggles coming from her lips. Moving his arm from around Scully’s waist, he uses it to pull his daughter to his chest. “And what do you think you’re doing, baby?”

“Da!” She giggles, her single word streamed by a line of baby talk and gibberish he bet even Scully doesn’t know. He peers over at his partner, taking in her features as she sleeps on, not hearing their daughter. Odd. “Let’s let Mama sleep.” He tells the small child, taking her with him as he leaves the room quietly. “What time is it?” He asks, tickling Samantha’s tummy.

“Almost noon.” Byers answers, a sandwich on the table in front of him, a tablet in his hands. His stomach growls reminding himself that he hasn’t eaten something proper since he got home from work the night before.

“I was asking the baby.” He laughs, a chain reaction as Samantha laughs with him.

“Oh.” Placing the child on the floor to go play with her toys, Mulder picks up his notepad, and glances back at the sandwich. “Where can I get one of those?”

Stopping before taking a bite, he answers. “Help yourself, supply are in the fridge. Darin just delivered our groceries yesterday, we’re freshly stocked up!”

After making his own sandwich, Mulder sits back down at the table to eat and start a rough draft of what he is going to hand in to Skinner when he gets back to work. Whenever he gets there, that is.

Thankfully Samantha lets him continue his work as she played with her toys. He was able to get the draft notes written up before the little girl walked up to him, pointing at the rest of the food. “Hungry, Sammie?” She nodded, her large blue eyes gazing up at him. Without a second wasted, Mulder pulled out the rice-puffs and the unspillable bowl, handing her the snack. She happily took her snack and went back to her toys.

“She looks a lot like her, you know.” Byers stated, his distracted gaze on the small redhead.

Mulder watched his young daughter. “I’m thankful for that. I wanted my child to always look like Scully. One out of two ain’t bad.”

“Jackson looks a lot like you, too.” “Yeah, I know. At first Scully tried to play it off as if he was only an experiment, but there are so many characteristics that he has that just screams Fox Mulder.” He sighed, looking to the man across from him. “If Emily can be Scully’s daughter, Jackson can be my son. I can’t give up on him.”

The other man nods along with him. There was a pregnant pause as the two went back to watching the tiny redhead munch on her snack. “We’re going to find him.”

I know.

Mulder makes a fresh pot of coffee for himself when Scully slips into the room, her feet barely dragging on the floor. “I don’t know how we did this 20 years ago Mulder. I’m dead on my feet.” She mumbled, accepting the large mug of coffee.

“I could tell, Samantha didn’t even wake you up.” He smiled, pressing his lips to her forehead. “But then again, she was content with waking me up instead.” She looked dead on her feet this morning – afternoon, did Byers say? – but he knew that she did most mornings now. “Are you ready to find our son?”

“Mmhmm.” Was her response behind the mug.

“Well you two were getting some sleep, we took turns in searching down Jackson.” The other man said, a cup of coffee in his own hand. “We looked at security cameras in the areas surrounding where the bodies were found.” He paused, handing the tablet to them, the screen showing face recognition of Jackson on multiple surveillance cameras, speeding through time.

“What if he hides from the cameras?” Scully asks, taking in her son’s face. Byers moved around the kitchen, putting the plates away. “He would look very suspicious to the average eye if he did. We have three views of the office of the motel alone.” Mulder looked over Scully’s shoulder, watching the screen. Suddenly, each of the motel cameras glitches, the time had jumped ahead. “Wait, what was that?” Byers was back in front of them in an instant, taking the tablet back in hand, selecting one of the cameras, and rewinding it. “There, it skipped.”

He said. Byers took to the living room, leaving the couple to grab their daughter and follow him.

“Did you know about this?”

“Does it look like we know about this?” Mulder claims, his temper starting to rise. “We’ve spent more time watching him over a camera than we have in person.”

“No,” Scully answered calmly. “We didn’t know. He probably erased them after he left.” Resting her hand on Mulder’s arm, she urged him to calm himself. “Is there a chance we can look farther out?” She asked, her eyes meeting Byers.

He nodded, pulling up the cameras on the large screen in the living room. He typed something on the keyboard, something that she didn’t catch. “We might be able to track him down from lost time.”

“You’re a genius.” Scully smiled, the light in her eyes showing up for the first time that day.

“Who’s a genius?” Frohike walked into the room. “It can’t be this guy.” He threw his thumb in Byers’ direction.

The taller of the two Lone Gunmen laughs, “Har har Melvin. But we may have found a way to track which areas of DC Jackson might be hiding.”

“The sooner we know where to look, sooner we can go looking for him.” Scully butts in.

“You mean, the sooner I can go looking for him.” Mulder stares her down.

“Mulder-”

“No. Not with Samantha. If this was before she was here, I wouldn’t have a problem. You are capable to look after yourself. But she can’t. Not with those men after Jackson.” Scully lowered her gaze, she didn’t argue any further.

She met his eyes again a moment later. “Fine, but I want to be able to have contact with you the entire time. I don’t want you going in dark, and neither will I.”

Mulder started to argue that the men that were going after their son could easily track him down with his own cell phone, but Frohike caught him beforehand. “We got just the thing. We’ve had these bad boys hanging around here for the last couple of months just waiting to be used.”

The couple gave the two men a questioning look.

“Decked out burn phones. I don’t know how we haven’t used them before. But they are untraceable, even have a feature that you can download video and image files from a few feet. No connection necessary.”

“It was my idea.” Mulder looked up to Langley walking into the room with a large mug of coffee in his hand. “You guys wouldn’t of thought about it until next year when Android came out with it.”

“That’s not important right now,” Scully spoke, “What could we possibly use that for?”

“Loads of things!” Langley defends.

“Name five.” The women demanded, switching her daughter to her other hip. The little girl nibbled on her puffs as she watched the adults talk, not even a little bit interested.

“Well, uh, I, uh, can’t name them right now. But it can do it!” He crossed his arms, balancing his mug. “We haven’t been able to do a proper test run yet. Now’s the perfect time.”

Mulder sat back and watched the women he would marry any day of the year and his long time friends argue over the new tech.

“You mean you haven’t tested it yet?” He knows Scully wants to yell at them, but she keeps her composure. “Yes we have! We have, trust me. But we haven’t went out to the city to test it. Too many eyes.” Frohike and Byers both nod along.

The room was silent for a few moments, Samantha took this time to try and free herself from her mother’s grip, slipping to the floor. Mulder watched his daughter as she walked around the room, exploring the area, but mostly keeping her hands to herself. He barely heard Scully as whispered, “Just, please find him” before collapsing into the chair nearest to her.

The day went pretty quickly for Mulder as they searched for their son. With it already being the year 2019, the Lone Gunmen were able to get most of the video surveillance footage from the comfort of their home. They were able to track Jackson’s movement, using the lost footage trail, up to the doors of the Hoover building.

It wasn’t until there was found footage of Jackson, untampered with and walking into the basement office of the X-Files with a paper badge taped to his chest that Mulder gulped. His mind went back to that unforgettable case with the Pusher. “Pull that footage. I want that erased from the system. Better yet, put it straight on the phones you’re giving us. I need this.” He was firm, strict. He didn’t want every to know he was scared shitless for his son.

From her seat with the baby falling asleep in her lap, Scully asks, “Anyway we can track where he went from there?”

Byers shakes his head. “He started avoiding cameras, erasing what he was on, and just left.”

“Honestly, I’d say your best bet is to go back to DC and we’ll guide you from here.” Langley commented. “Hate to see you go after this, but we want you to find your son.” Mulder nods without saying a word. “We have time to stay for dinner.” Scully suggested, trying to tangle herself from Samantha’s limbs, failing miserably when they ended up back where they started. “We don’t have to leave right this second. It’s still going to take us three hours to get back home.”

The four men smile. “Of course.”

***

It was nice, just sitting down and having dinner with old friends. No computers involved and no cases to work on. Just friends and stories. And of course a tiny redhead who refuses to eat her own dinner, but will gladly ask for her parents plates of food, even though it was the exact same food.

At 6pm, Mulder and Byers load the boat up to head back to the mainland, with one extra bag than when they arrived. The Gunmen hand off three phones and a laptop to the couple, explaining that anyone who tried to pinpoint their signal would get scrambled and sent to multiple locations across the world. It will never tell the tracer where the computer is.

Their goodbyes took longer than planned, the couple promising to visit once they are able to, hopefully with Jackson in tow.

This time, it was Byers who drove the motor boat to the mainland, dropping the small family off before heading back to his house with the guys. Mulder doesn’t say much as he loads the car up as Scully loads the Samantha into her carseat. When the engine roars awake, she leans herself back as far as she cad with the car seat behind her, and closes her eyes. He takes off. Next stop: home.

***

The ride home is quicker than the ride there was. But isn’t that how it’s supposed to work? At quarter after ten in the evening, Mulder pulled into their driveway, the girls still fast asleep.

He carefully lifts his sleeping daughter into his arm, resting her head on his shoulder and doing his best to let her sleep just a little bit longer than to rudely wake her up. Moving to the passengers seat, he knelt down, softly waking up his partner.

He doesn’t have to say a word. She wakes with a start, panic in her eyes for only a moment. Getting out and stretching, Mulder watched as she made herself comfortable before following her to the from door of their unremarkable house.

“I’ll unpack the car,” is all he says, handing the sleeping baby over. With everything in the house, Mulder left their luggage in the living room. He can put it away in the morning, after he’s had some shut eye. He walks into the kitchen to grab himself a glass of water, only to see his partner already had the filtered water jug in her hand, pouring a glass for herself while she heated up some formula for Samantha. Her body halted her supply long ago.

“She awake?” Mulder asked as he grabs a glass and poured some water for himself. She answers with the shake of her head. “But she will be soon.”

Finishing his drink, Mulder placed his cup in sink, kissing his partner on the head, and made his way to their bed. His head barely hit the pillow when the realm of unconsciousness overcame him. In the middle of the night, he barely registers Scully crawl into bed with him, nor did he realize his arms circling the petite woman and pulling her to his chest.

Hours later, he unconsciously hits his alarm clock, effectively stopping that awful racket.

The following morning, Mulder woke up to an empty bed and the sun shining in his eyes. Looking over to Scully’s bedside table, he read the clock: 9:25 am. Fuck I slept in. He threw the covers off, his body instantly missing the warmth, and started to get ready for the day.

With each step towards the bathroom, Mulder winced in pain. His aging body could no longer handle the all-nighters anymore, unlike it could when he was in his 30s. A lot has changed in 28 years. Sooner or later, there will be no more X-Files for him to work on. He needs a hot shower, badly.

The bathroom is filled with steam by the time he steps out of the bathtub, his skin red from the touch of the water. His morning routine pretty much over, hours later than it should of have been, but he can’t do anything after sleeping through his alarm clock.

“Morning!” Scully commented cheerfully, the bags that were under her eyes the previous day were long gone and the women he’s use to seeing everyday was once again before him. She walks up to him, pushing herself onto the tops of toes to give Mulder a kiss. He looked around the room, noticing The Wiggles were on the television and the luggage no longer where he left it the night before. He gave his partner a questioning look. “Oh, I put it all away when I got up this morning, seeing as I slept in the car on the way home last night. Besides, I was up before Samantha for the first time in forever.”

“Ah, that explains why I didn’t hear Samantha cry this morning like I usually do.”

“Are you going into work today?” She asks, her attention on the TV where The Wiggles team were dancing to an older song she recognized from when she watched the show as regularly as Samantha does now.

“Nah,” he stated, “I’ve already told Skinner that I wouldn’t be in today. I’ll just work on the write up here and when I go out, I’ll drop it off at his office.” He finishes with a yawn. “But first, coffee.” Watching his daughter bounce along to the music on the screen, laughing, Mulder took to the kitchen. The coffee pot was already full when he went to go fill it, he tested the temperature with the back of his hand. Still hot. He smiled. Now only if Scully would agree to marry him then his life would be perfect. But no matter how many times he brought up the topic, she insists that her life is almost perfect the way it is, and she wouldn’t change a thing if she could. They were partners for nearly 30 years; a marriage certificate wouldn’t change the fact that they are committed to each other.

It must have been around noon when Scully walks in on Mulder at his laptop, typing away with his index fingers. “Soup is on the stove.” Was her only comment, her upper body leaning on the door frame. He responses with a grunt, his hands taking a break from his typing to rub his eyes.

“I’m almost done, I’ll finish this before I come down.” He stretches his back, his spine popping in several places. It was about 45 minutes later when he finally made his way into the kitchen. Scully and Samantha were done eating, the little redhead playing with her toys in the living room as her mother cleaned up the mess she made. “Sorry,” He apologizes, “I didn’t mean to take that long. The profile took longer than expected.”

“You are finished, I take it.” He nodded as he placed the printed case file on the table, he went to make himself a sandwich to go along with his lunch. “I was going to take Samantha on another run to the park as it’s such a nice day out. But I won’t leave until after her nap.”

“I don’t know how you run nearly a quarter mile there and back nearly everyday, Scully. I don’t think I’ll be able to keep up with you anymore.” He chuckled, taking another bite of his sandwich.

She finished cleaning up the kitchen, the clean dishes being left to air dry. “I gotta to keep fit to keep with any child of yours, Mulder.” She laughed as she left the kitchen. Mulder didn’t have to watch to know that she was getting her mini me ready for her afternoon nap, the man debating on if he should have a nap as well. But he decided against it. He can sleep when he’s dead. Or at least retired.

That’s something he doesn’t want to think about. He opens the file in front of him, looking over the notes he made that he was going to hand into Skinner before he went on his search. He itches to shred the file, but he knows that he can’t get out of it. He put as much information that he cad put together for the profile, leaving out anything that is connected to his son.

He finishes his soup quicker than thought he would, sighing when his procrastination technique failed, forcing him to go into the office earlier than he would like. The house was quiet when he locked the door. Scully was in the shower, allowing herself a few moments to herself that he knows she needs, and Samantha slept on. He took his car to DC, leaving the Buick to Scully in case she decided to take their daughter to the city.

The drive from Triangle, VA to Washington was like any other day. He rocked to Prince in the car, something he does almost every day. He tried listening to new music, but he couldn’t always get into it. I must be getting old. This is something likes to Scully remind him of on a daily basis. The clear day made the drive pleasant enough to enjoy. He didn’t have to worry about anyone tailing him. Not today at least, He told himself. But nevertheless, he was thankful when he pulled into the government parking lot.

He wasted little time in stopping in on Skinner, not waiting for the Secretary to call the A.D. before barging in on the man. “Your profile.” He commented, handing the folder to the bald man.

The man in question raises his brow. “It took a bit to get inside this guy’s head, and it wasn’t pretty when I did.” He lies. Skinner opens the folder to start to read the notes, noticing a few of them. “You figure the suspect in inexperienced?” Mulder nods. “I’ll have this handed out to the teams this evening when the lead agent is done going over it.” He closed the folder, smacking it on his palm, then rested it on the desk behind him. He leaned against the desk, his arms crossed and stares the younger man down. “Care to explain where you were yesterday, Agent?”

“With all due respect, no. I had gotten in this killer’s head, and by the time I got out, I went to clear my head. But I won’t tell you where I was.” Mulder stared back, his arms, too, crossed over his chest. He moves to leave, stopping in his tracks when the other man made a sound. “I still have a life outside of this office, Walter. I need to clear my head before it hurts my family, just like any parent would do.” And with that, he left. Relieved to be done with his boss, Mulder quickly made his way to the basement to scout out anything Jackson may have taken or left behind in his office. The room was seemed untouched to the untrained eye. But Mulder has spent the last year and a half alone in this office. He knew what he left and where it was, thanks to his photographic memory.

Moving around to his chair, he got a better view of his desk, noticing instantly what had been touched.

The picture frame of Scully and Samantha.

He can’t stop the smile that grows on his face. His son got to see what his baby sister looks like. He shakes his head to remind himself what he was doing. Mulder looks around his desk to see what else was disturbed, nothing much really. The drawer to his desk was slightly opened which is usually where he keeps some of his mail from work.

With his home address on it.

He really should take it home to be filed, but he would most likely lose it that way, no matter what Scully said.

***

Scully smiles along with her baby as she loads her into the stoller. “We are going to have so much fun at the park, aren’t we Sammie?” The little girl looked up at her mother, her heavy jacket, too warm for the nice early spring weather. “We are going to have a nice jog through the park and spend some time on the swings before Dada comes home for dinner.” She says hopefully. “Yeah? Yeah.”

In Scully’s opinion, the run through the park was lovely. She saw the other, much younger mothers, walking through the park with their own children. She tried to make nice with the other women, but she found they always criticized her for having such a late pregnancy. And, of course, Mulder didn’t help when he tried to talk to the children about aliens. The lovable goof.

As she approaches the park, she notices a lonely dark figure in the shadows of a tree. Her doctor instinct told her to help the person while her FBI instinct screamed at her to investigate the person. Fearing the worst, she approached the person.

“Excuse me? Excuse me, are you okay?” When the person didn’t respond, she stepped closer, placing herself between the stranger and the stroller and crouching down to their level. The mother in her tells her to protect the helpless infant. “Excus-” Her words caught in her throat when the stranger looked up.

Jackson.

But how?

“Sc-... Mo-” The words weren’t complete, but she recognizes her name falling from his lips.

“Jackson,” She sighs his name. “What are you doing out here? In the middle of nowhere?” When he didn’t answer, she pressed on. “Yo- you live here, don’t you?”

“I wouldn’t call it living, exactly.” He mumbles, his gaze shifting from her to the stroller. He doesn’t move to get up, but shifts in place.

“How long have you been out here?” She asks, as she moves to sit back on her hind legs. The teen shrugged, his eyes flicking back and forth between the two redheads.

“Not long I guess. I’ve spent longer periods of time in other places worse than this.”

The pause was long, Scully fears of saying the wrong thing, fears of chasing him away. “You could have called?”

“And what? Get you all killed too?” He snarled, mostly to himself than to her. “I don’t want to hurt you, Dana. That includes Mulder and Sammie. She likes to be called ‘Sammie, by the way. None of that ‘Samantha’ stuff.”

Her name on his lips shocked her, but she shouldn’t be surprised. However, it still hurt. “I can look after myself, thank you very much.” She spoke, confidence in her words. But something he said shocked her. “How do you know her name?” She whispers, almost scared of the answer.

“She told me.”

Scully looks over to her daughter, the young blue eyes on the teen. The girl looked more curious and bored than anything. She was content to play with her surroundings, which included Scully’s hair because she was kneeling a little too close to the stroller. After extracting her long hair from her daughter’s firm grasp, she looks back at her eldest.

“Please come home with me, we can protect you.” “I’ll just be putting Sammie in danger!” He stared at her, causing the hairs on the back of her neck to rise. Those eyes, the same as his father’s, with the same intensity she is so used to staring her down.

She softens her gaze, knowing that if he’s anything like his parents, he was just as bullheaded. “Jackson, your father and I have experience with running away from the government. We even have experience hiding from them. He was a criminal once too.” Her voice was just above a whisper.

Scully raises to her feet, moving around to the back of the stroller, missing the flash of abandonment fear in his eyes. She pulls out the diaper bag from the bottom, revealing the backpack behind it. “Yesterday we went to see some friends who will do what they can to protect us. All of us.” She emphasizes.

“They don’t know anything about me.” The teen mumbles as he watches her.

She meets his gaze again. “We know quite a bit about you, actually.” He scoffs. “We know that you were sent to see help for high brain activity since you were twelve. We also know that you sent away to a school for the troubled after getting into multiple fights. We also know that you’re a hacker. Something the boys take pride in.”

He looks away from her, his eyes somewhere in the field to his left. “What are you getting at?”

“I’m just saying, yesterday we spent a whole lot of time looking to protect you from someone tracing your steps. We were able to pull up your history, including sealed police records.” She says as she walks back in front of her son, placing the backpack on the ground before him, then taking a step back. “In the bag you will find two things: A laptop that no one will be able to trace, not even our friends, and a cellphone which is just as untraceable as the computer.”

“Why are you doing this?” Jackson questions, still not fully sure of her intentions.

“Because no matter what anyone says, we still love you.” She answered, meaning every word. “Take it, use them however you want, but use them with the knowledge that we love you and your safety is always our first priority.”

Jackson pulls the backpack closer to him, his fingers barely touching the fabric. “I’ll think about it.” He finally says after a few moments silence.

Scully nods, relieved that he’s not pushing her away again.

“That’s all I ask.” She looked at her watch on her wrist, noticing the time, she made to her feet. “Our door is open to you, for if you want to come home.”

He grunts, suspicious of the bag still, examining it for anything that could get him killed.

“Listen, I have to get Saman- Sammie home. It’s almost time for dinner, and you don’t want to see the attitude she develops when she’s hungry.” Scully smiled to him. Jackson didn’t say a word to her, his attention focused on finding a tracer on the black bag before him. “I’ll see you around.” She says, the hope evident in her voice as she grasps the handles of the stroller.

As she turns to leave, she misses the young man look up at her longing for her to turn back around and force him to come with her, and the broken heart he felt when she didn’t.

The walk home was longer than what she was used to, but the talk she just had with her son took more energy out of her than the run itself did. The single car in the driveway told her that Mulder still hasn’t arrived home, giving her time to think of what to make for dinner. In the meantime, she could figure out just what to say to her partner about her trip to the park. Scully drew a blank on what she wanted to make for dinner. She thought about ordering Chinese, but thought against it when she remembered that it’s what they had last time she didn’t want to cook and left the decision up to Mulder while he was on his way home from work.

After a few minutes of pondering, she pulls out a small family lasagna form the freezer and throws it in the oven to cook. She had an hour to sort out her head. Turning on her heels, she headed straight to the living room where she left her burner phone on top of the fireplace, out of reach of her daughter’s grabby hands.

She calls the first person she could think of. “Mulder, it’s me.” She pause to take a breath. “He is here, at the park.”

***

Mulder made it home in record time after he ended the call with his partner. Jackson had went to their small town, he went and talked to his mother. He couldn’t believe it.

When Scully had told him that she had handed off her burner phone to their son, along with the laptop that was meant for them to use, he was flabbergasted. The laptop that was meant for tracking down the agents that were after Jackson is now in the hands of a teen they love but hardly know.

Over dinner, Mulder kept asking questions about what had happened, wanting to know more.

“I don’t know, Mulder. He doesn’t seem to fully trust us yet.” She scooped the warm pasta and cheese into her daughter’s mouth, encouraging her to eat her dinner. “But he’s scared that being in contact with us with cause us harm. He mostly feared for Sammie’s safety.”

“Scully, you never call her Sammie, that’s my thing.” He stated, pointing his empty fork at her.

“Jackson told me she likes it more than ‘Samantha’.” She said, not looking away from the tiny girl, not giving him the satisfaction of her admitting that he was right for once.

Mulder gives his daughter a sideways glance, questioning his partner’s sanity. So many questions, but questions he learned to stop asking a long time ago. He shakes his head, taking the last few bites of his dinner. He cleared the table and cleaned up the kitchen, using the time to spend wondering about his son. He was in the town, basically just down the street. Scully walked there. He couldn’t believe how close his son was. But he held himself back from going after them.

Instead, he calls The Lone Gunmen.

***

Jackson sits in his small tent under the canopy of the Virginia woods. The backpack he got from his birth mother sits in the middle of his makeshift bed. He has every right not to trust her, she had worked for the government, the same people who were after him.

But there was that part that hung onto every word she spoke.

He opens the bag, peeking inside. He sees no wires, and he still can’t locate a tracer chip. Either it is hidden well, or it's not there at all. He pulls out the cellphone first. It looks like any regular smartphone, doesn’t even come with a case. Cautiously, he turns it on.

The phone boots up like any regular phone, he almost believed he was holding the phone he got from his parents for his 16th birthday. But when it loaded, there was no family picture and no cute password his mom made: the day he was adopted. In fact, this phone didn’t have a password. It didn’t have anything on it. Almost everything was shut off on it. He can’t believe it. She was telling the truth, it seems. At least for the moment.

Setting the phone beside him, Jackson pulls out the laptop and the chargers for the two electronics. Unlike the phone, the computer had one piece of decoration on it: a sticker. Jackson wanted to laugh when he saw it. It was old and worn down, but it looks just like the one he had on his notebooks at school.

The same sticker that he was picked on for during elementary school. I Want to Believe, it says. Booting up the computer, he oges to investigate the older electronic, only to find that it too had been recently wiped clean. But he's not out of the woods yet; he has to test this stuff out.

He turned off the computer, having juice where he could, and went to pick up the phone when it went off. Reading the message, he read a familiar name that hasn’t popped up in recent history. In the past 18 years to be exact. ‘Welcome, Jackson, to The Lone Gunmen.’

***

Scully was taking Samantha, Sammie, she reminds herself, up to bed when Mulder declared that he was going to call the Lone Gunmen. The baby was quick to put to sleep, using their newly acquired ninja skills to leave the room without waking her up. Arriving back on the main floor, she listens to what is being said.

“What do you mean you’ve already contacted him?” Mulder asks, pacing the room. “He’s only had the phone for five hours.”

Scully can’t hear what was being said on the other end, but when she called them after she had originally called Mulder, she explained that the teen now had the burner phone that was intended for her. Because of this, she has an idea of the conversation that is currently happening.

“We are trying to get him to trust us, stalking him isn’t going to help. I wouldn’t be surprised if he ditches the stuff instantly.” He is upset, and she knows it, he was scared to lose his son again. And honestly, so was she.

She places her hand on his arm, stopping him in his place. She doesn’t have to say a word to him to get her meaning across.

“Just… just don’t blow this for us.”

Being this close, the closest they’ve been in 17 years, only to have it all ripped away from them at the last moment would quite possibly destroy them. Scully walks into Mulder’s arms and leans her head on his chest, comforting him. One of his arms made its way around her shoulders, pulling her her closer to him, his chin resting on the top of her head.

After a long silence, she hears the beep of the phone as he hangs up. “They are waiting to see if he’ll respond to their message.”

“I heard.” She mumbles into him. “I think they were too early though. Should have waited.” Her insides were crying for their son, begging him to not lose trust in them. But she knew it was no use. Jackson was pretty much an adult now, a person who is fully capable of making his own decisions, the most recent of which is being to be on the run from the government.

“We’ll just have to wait.” He says, his other hand resting on the small of her back, encircling her small form. She closes her eyes, nodding against him.

***

The wait for Jackson to message The Lone Gunmen was a long one, and Scully was growing impatient. Two weeks had passed by the time Mulder had gotten the long awaited for phone call, and she was right there with him that Wednesday evening when he answers the phone.

Abandoning her daughter to play with her toys alone, she follows Mulder to the kitchen. He doesn’t say much, just listens to what they have to say. The call is over in less than five minutes. “He wants to meet you.” Is the first thing he says. “Alone.” He ran his hands through his hair, stepping closer to the counter where he leaned against it with a heavy sigh. “I want to be there, I don’t want you to go alone.”

“Mulder, he won’t hurt me. If he wanted to, he would have done it already. Besides, he seemed scared more than anything when I met him in the park.” They has discussed this a lot over the past couple of weeks, going over the meet repeatedly.

“I’ve seen what he could do, Scully. I know what he does when he’s scared.”

She peeks into the living room, watching their daughter play for a moment before coming up behind her partner, pressing her back against his back and wrapping her around around his waist. “You won’t lose me, I promise.” She pressed her lips to his clothed back before resting her forehead on him. “I’ve dealt with your temper for all these year, I’m sure I can handle his.” She smiles, thinking of how much of her partner she sees in her son.

Mulder doesn’t move from his spot, his head down. “He wants to meet you tonight, back at the park.”

“You’ll have to stay here with Sammie, I’m going to leave after we put her to bed.” She whispers. “I’m not taking the chance with you coming.” Knowing him, he’d try to find a way in tagging alone, even it means sneaking out of the house. Giving him their daughter to watch while she was asleep was a solid way to keep him home. She hopes, at least.

“Just… be careful. I can’t lose you, not now. Not ever. Not again.” She nods again, her forehead rubbing against his back.

With hesitation, Scully breaks from her spot against her partner, returning to their daughter. “Hiya baby, are you ready for beddy-bye time?” She asks, swinging Sammie in her arms with her landing her on her hip. The baby babbles happily, looking a little bit tired. “I bet you are!” Scully coos. “Cause Mama is tired too, you wore me out real quick tonight, my sweetpea.”

It took Scully 15 minutes to get Sammie ready for bed with her bathtime routine. By the time she places her on her back in her crib, her eyes began to droop. Three… Two… One… And out like a light.

When she descended to the main floor, she notices that Mulder was sitting on the old couch, his phone in his hand. “I’m just about ready to go.” She says, heading to the front door to pull on her runners.

“I think this is a bad idea, Scully. It’s too dark.” He didn’t look up at her as she approaches him.

“Mulder, we’ve faced worst monsters in the dark. Jackson is not a monster, just a scared boy. You have to try to trust him.” Part of her was frustrated with him being so skeptical, but could she really blame him? In the last 28 years, he’s nearly lost her multiple times. And a couple of those times, he almost lost her completely cause of something she went head first on a case.

“It’s not that I don’t trust him, I want to trust him. I want to believe in him. But he’s only 19 and has a body count, and I can’t have you be one of them.” She rests her hand on his shoulder, bringing her other hand around to his jaw, she squats down, turning his head towards her. “Please come home.”

The broken look on his face breaks her heart. “I promise. You’re not going to lose me that easily.” He pressed a kiss to his lips, lingering there for a moment before parting from him. And with that, she grabs her burner phone and walks out the front.

The jog to the park was quick; she barely felt the early spring air chill on her skin. The sky was pitch black when she arrived to the park. She almost completely passed Jackson sitting under the tree where he was when she left him two weeks ago, until he rose from his spot. The look in his eyes told her he caught her flinching.

“Are you alone?” Was the first thing he asks, looking behind her and around the empty park.

She nods her head. “Your father is watching your sister.”

“I didn’t think you’d come.” He says, pulling out to look at the time on his burn phone. She could tell he was nervous, fidgeting with the hem of his worn out t-shirt. She was too, honestly. She had to stop herself from doing the same. Must be a genetic thing.

“What did you want to talk about?” She speaks up after the silence becomes unbearable.

“I don’t know. A lot of things.” He looks away from her again, watching a stray car drive down the street. “I did some research on you over the last couple of weeks. Now that I had a secured computer to do it on.” She smiled, her little hacker son wanted to know about his parents. “You… your job was to really do all of that?” He looked down to her. “

Yeah… yeah it was. Our job was...is to solve cases that cannot be explained through conventional means.”

“Like… me, you mean?” He asked, not sure if he wanted the answer. She nods, not meeting his gaze. Definitely someone like him.

“Was there really a flukeman?”

“There was. Man, that thing was creepy.” Scully laughs, remembering Mulder’s reaction to the entire thing.

Jackson took the first step forward before stopping again. “There were many cases that ended with you two in the hospital.” He frowned. Scully couldn’t help but remember how many times they were admitted back then compared to how little they were now with Sammie in their lives.

“Our job is dangerous. There’s no way around that. It always has been.” She states, watching as he took another step towards her. The several feet between then were torture.

“And the time you were missing? The report said you were abducted from your home, gone for several weeks.” An ache his her heart at the lost memory.

“Like I said, our job is dangerous.” She pauses for a minute, taking a few deep breaths of the chilled air. “Jackson, was there a reason you called me out here in the middle of the night?”

He nods, watching another car drive pass them on the street. “I want to stop running.” He says quietly.

His words shock her. Already? “Then come home.” She says before she can stop herself. The teen shakes his head.

“I can’t. I don’t want to hurt you. I can’t lose my birth mother so soon after losing my parents.” Scully nods in understanding. “The Lone Gunmen are doing their best to clear anything of me from the government’s systems. But it’s not enough. I am a danger to those around me.”

Her body shivers against her will; she should have brought a heavier coat. “You don’t have to stay for long, you can stay for just a little while.”

He shook his head. “No, not tonight.” Scully’s eyes widened, Not tonight, there is hope after all. Though she kept her thoughts to herself. “I just wanted you to know that no matter what happens, of all those I don’t trust. I trust you.” He shortened the distance between them with a few long strides, stopping right in front of her.

Then the unexpected happened. Scully finds herself engulfed in a hug. One that is so incredibly familiar. Pressed up against a hard chest, an arm wrapped around her shoulders and chin resting on the top of her head.

“No matter what happens, I don’t want to put you guys in danger.” He whispers, holding on to her for a few more moments. However, Scully notices a change. The boy suddenly became tense, letting go of her. She turns around to see a familiar car sitting in the parking lot.

“I’m going to shoot that man.” She mutters, the murder plan already forming in her head.

“I- I gotta go.” And just like that, Jackson was gone. She looks back to her car, her hands on her hips as she taps her foot at the man behind the wheel. Stalking to the car, she notices Sammie asleep in the back seat of the vehicle. “You couldn’t listen to what I had to say, and came anyways?” She whispers harshly at him.

“Would you believe me if I told you I was worried about you?” She glares even more at him as she sits into the passenger seat. “I brought your coat?”

“Fine, you get to live tonight. But this conversation isn’t over.”

“Scully, you were gone for over an hour!” He pulls the car out of the parking lot and heads towards their little unremarkable house. “When you didn’t come home, I had to come looking for you. I didn’t know if anything happened to you.” He defends himself.

She gives him a hard look. “I can take care of myself-”

“Against a supernatural powered teenage boy?” He butts in.

“And I don’t need you coming to my rescue. I had asked you to keep an eye on Sammie, so if she woke up before I got home, you could put her back to sleep. Not take her for a joyride.”

“I wouldn’t call this a ‘joyride’.” He mutters, his hands squeezing the steering wheel. “My car is a joyride. Anyways,” He starts. “Sammie did wake up. She couldn’t get back to sleep, so I loaded her in the car and went for a spin around the block. You know how car rides knock her out.”

“Your argument for coming here still isn’t valid, Mulder.” She rubbed her fingers over her eyes. She was getting more tired as the night went on, and she wanted to do nothing more than to curl up in her bed. “Besides, I was able to get somewhere with Jackson tonight. Not far, but I have gained his trust. The four of us have.”

“Four?”

“The Lone Gunmen and I.” She answers, feeling the jealousy radiate from him. “You’ll find a way to prove to him that you can be trusted too.”

“Haven’t I done enough? I killed that smoking bastard!”

“Only after he had shot Jackson. Look,” She starts. “I’m not saying you didn’t do enough, but he needs to know that you can be trusted too.” In their driveway, Scully gets out of the car and unlocks the front door, leaving it open for the rest of her family to walk in. “I’ll put a good word in for you next time I see him, okay?”

“Next time? When is this next time?”

Scully shrugs, kicking off her shoes. “Whenever he asks to meet.” She takes their daughter from him, holding the sleeping girl against her chest. “I’m going to bed, if you’re done brooding, you can come join me.”

When she finally lays down in her bed after putting Sammie back to sleep, her mind replays the conversations she had with her son, lulling her to sleep with them. She barely registers the dip the bed makes as Mulder climbs on, wrapping his arms around her middle, whispering in her ear before her world goes dark.

“I want nothing more than to trust him, my love.”

***

Jackson watches the unremarkable house from a nearby tree. He can see bodies moving through the window, mostly the tall figure of his biological father as he waits for him to leave.

He wants to talk to her, and her alone. Keeping in contact with The Lone Gunmen, they’ve been telling him stories from when his biological parents were younger, before he was born. He was skeptical in trusting either of them, but the more he talked with her the more he started to trust her. His father, on the other hand, he could tell the man was tense around him. He could feel it, making it harder to trust the man.

He didn’t expect to trust a government agent, but here he is.

When he stepped into his father’s office a couple weeks ago, he was surprised to see what looked like a mess of an office. There were files everywhere, and the wall was covered in photos and news clippings of strange events from all over North America, red yarn connecting them all. Was this really what the man’s mind was like?

On the desk in his father’s office was a picture of his mother and a baby. Jackson didn’t know who she was, but he felt an immediate connection with her. He had never felt a connection like that before, but suddenly he knew exactly who she was; his baby sister. It was erie in a way. He had pictured the girl to look more like him than like their mother. But now, knowing what the baby looks like, he couldn’t picture her any other way.

But he had gotten what he need, and left. Now he was in the little town of Triangle, waiting up a tree to make his move.

“Say bye-bye Dada.” Jackson hears with his mind, watching as the older mother takes Sammie’s hand into hers and waves goodbye. The sports car starts its engine and within seconds, his father drives away. He watched for a moment as his mother and sister walked back into the house, listening to her baby babble.

With them back in the house, he concentrates on the area, pinpointing where anyone might be watching, and created himself invisible to their mind. With his body at ease, he hops out of the tree and made his way to the house. Thinking better to go around to the back, he easily hops the fence and approaches the door. Willing his heart to slow down, he knocks.

The noise inside the house stops, and his heart rate starts to pick up again. He uses all his senses to look for the woman on the other side of the door, finding her quickly shuffling toward the door, her right arm points straight to the ground with her finger at the ready to pull the trigger of a gun. Jackson swallows, maybe he should have taken the front door.

The curtain beside the door moved, and Jackson could guess what she was doing, he had watched enough TV with his parents to fathom a guess. The door opened a touch, but he didn’t move. He didn’t feel like getting shot again, especially with his baby sister in the house.

His birth mother reveals half of her face through the open part of the window. “Jackson, what are you doing here?”

“Can I come in? Please? I don’t want to be seen.” He asks, looking over his shoulder to see no one behind him, but that didn’t stop the hairs on the back of his neck to rise, feeling that he was being watched.

“Yes, yes, of course.” She opened the door wider, her hand still secured around the glock. He watches as she watched the backyard, he suspects she expects someone to come out of the bushes. Instead she closes the door and locks it. “Now, why are you here? Why didn’t you contact me to say you were on your way?”

He can’t stop the small smile on his lips; she was worried about him. “Are you hungry? I can make you some breakfast. I’m sure your father left some bacon in the fridge from last weekend. Do you want eggs with that? Toast?”

He can’t keep up with her, she was already in the kitchen, her gun was locked and placed on the table. “Dana... Dana, you don’t have to do this. I just wanted to see you. I want to know more about you and my father. I want to know I can trust you both.”

She stopped her fretting and smiles up at him. She takes his hand in her and leads him to the kitchen table. “We’ll eat first, then we’ll talk.” Turning back to the fridge, she asks, “So, whatcha want to have?” The corners of his lips tugged upwards, but it pulled at his heart strings, he missed this feeling of being fretted over by his mom, the mom that raised him for most of his life.

“I’ll just have the bacon, and a couple pieces of toast, please and thank you.” He said, not wanting to sound impolite.

The woman hummed in approval, her head sticking inside the refrigerator. “Can you do me a favor and check on Sammie? She’s usually pretty good, but she’s still only a year old. Not the most trustworthy at that age.” Jackson nodded, forgetting that she couldn’t see him, and walked back into the living room. His baby sister was surrounded by colorful toys of different shapes and sizes. He watches her play for a few moments, his heart swelling at the thought of this little girl being related to him. He turns to leave the room when he notices a couple yellow notepads laying on the table. He walks towards them, his curiosity getting the better of him.

They were notes on the school he went to. He felt his heart squeezing together in his chest. He picks up all the notepads and takes them to the kitchen with him. His mother was standing at the stove, the burner on when he walked up behind her. “What are these?”

She jumps. “Jesus, Jackson! Didn’t your mother ever teach you to never sneak up on people?” She held her hand over her chest. “Good thing I don’t have a heart condition.” She mumbles to herself, though he could hear her.

Scully turns around, leaving the bacon on low heat so it doesn’t burn while she’s away. “These,” He hands her the notes. “What are they? Why were they on the table?” He could feel his temper starting to rise.

She glances at the notes for just a moment before she answers him. “Your father, under orders from our boss, was to create a profile for the murders of multiple men across the country who were imploded. It is his job to do this.”

“But why is my school on here? I’m sure you didn’t need that kind of information for this profile!” He didn’t shout, but he was damn near close to it.

She shakes her head. “None of this information went into the actual file that was handed to our boss. Your father did all that research on his own, because he wanted to find you. He truly cares about you, even if you don’t see or understand it yet.” She locks her gaze onto him. “He wanted to make sure none of the information about you made it into the final profile. He was trying to protect you.”

“But they will know that you opened my files.” He breathed through his nose, his breath hot on his own lips. “I know how these people work, I’ve been hunted by them for so long.” She huffs, setting the notes on counter beside the stove. “We had help from the Lone Gunmen. No one will know we looked into your files.” She pauses. “Everything we’ve ever done was to protect you. Both when you were a baby and still to this day."

Jackson turns away from her, thoughts running wild in his mind. He struggles to continue to trust her. “Then why is he so tense when it comes to me?” He needs to know what was going on in his father’s head.

“That’s something only he would be able to answer; what he’s told me wasn’t enough to give you a solid answer. In my opinion, he only got to spend a couple days with you when you were a baby and he’s still in that mindset; he doesn’t know how to act around you.” Scully explains.

Jackson struggles to process her words. Only a couple days? He remembers reading the case where one Fox Mulder had gone missing for six months, only to show up dead one night. When he remembers the dates he appeared and was found to be alive, he gasps as he realizes the dates coincide with the months just before he was born.

“I struggled a lot, ya know. Between being a single parent and with people trying to get to you, I had no choice.” He heard her sigh. “And I regretted that decision ever since.” She turned back to the stove, flipping the teen’s breakfast before putting bread in the toaster. “By the time I had your father back, it was too late. He was hiding from the government, and you were with your new parents.”

Jackson couldn’t believe what he was hearing. His father had been on the run from the same men that he was running from. When he pictured his biological parents after being informed that he was, in fact, adopted into the Van de Kamp family, he imagined that his parents were just innocent people, too young or too broke to take care of a baby. But then he learns that they were closing in on their 40’s when he was born, with a good paying job to boot too. But now he learns that his father had also been a criminal, and most importantly, he had always been a target.

“I guess some things just never change.” He mutters to himself, backing away from his mother who has turned back to the stove to finish up the bacon. “Why didn’t you tell me this before?”

“Hah! You never gave me the chance.” The toast pops and he moves to grab it, getting his breakfast together, the bacon now free of the grease it was cooked in.

Making a sandwich out of his food, Jackson ate in silence, his mother sitting across from him, her eyes fixed on her daughter in the living room. “You shouldn’t be eating that, it’s not healthy.” She comments.

“I’m 19, Dana. A little cholesterol will not kill me. Besides, this is how my Dad ate his bacon.”

“Your dad also slept on his couch for at least 10 years, despite the fact that he had a perfectly good bed. He is not the person you should look to for healthy eating and self care habits.”

“No, not my father. My Dad, the man who raised me.” Jackson comments, taking another bite of his sandwich. He watches her flinch at his words and he frowns. He wants to remind her that his parents are still dead because of him but that they were the ones who raised him and helped develop his behavior. Or some of it at least. “Every Sunday, my Mom would make sure we had bacon in the house so we could have a special brunch. For as long as I can remember, my Dad would make an egg and bacon sandwich, dip it in ketchup and everything.” He smiles at the memory, his heart aching for his parents back.

His mother looks at him with a strange look on her face. She doesn’t say much, just listening to what he was saying. He can’t see a smile on her face, but he suspects that she might have been hurt by his words. His parents were still his parents; this woman was his mother. It was different.

“As long as you were happy with them.” He smiles at her. Even with all the shit he had caused, he had been happy with his parents.

***

Mulder barely has the chance to sit down beforehis phone rings. “Yes, I’ll be right up.” Skinner wants to talk to him, it could be about anything, but he just hopes it has nothing to do with the profile to handed in a couple weeks ago. Out of anything it could be, he wishes for a new case to focus on. And with that final thought, he makes his way back out of the basement and to the office of the Assistant Director’s office.

Arriving at the secretary's office, he knocks on the door. “Good morning, Agent Mulder. A.D. Skinner is ready to see you.” He nods to the woman, walking past her and straight into the next room.

“Agent,” The grey man greets him. “Close the door behind you please, we have much to discuss.” Complying to the man’s wishes, he shuts the door. “I’ve read your profile. You could have come to me.”

“And then do what? Have them find him when they came to the same conclusion you did?” He was calmer than he expected. “I couldn’t do that to him. He’s just beginning to trust us.”

“I knew it was him the day I handed you the file, I was there, I saw what happened to those people in the hotel room. I could have given the case to anyone else, but I decided to give it to you. I had to let you in on what was happening with that case file.” Skinner’s eyes lock onto the other man down. “I know what that boy means to the two of you, I won’t become between you three. But that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Then what?” Mulder asks, his arms crossing over his chest.

“The results.” His boss pauses, walking around to stand in front of his desk, a file in his hand. “The agents we have working on pulled up a couple possible suspects. And your son is one of them.”

“Then why-?” He didn’t get the chance to finish.

“The federal records claim him as deceased, Agent Mulder.” His heart skips a beat hearing it. “Died over two years ago; suicide. The same M.O. from when you first found him.”

“That’s it? That’s the only thing saving him?” He asks, grabbing the file from his boss and flipping to the page with his son’s face. “Then why is he still being hunted? This is how these other cases have popped up.” He was starting to lose himself.

“Whoever is hunting him down, doesn’t work with us. There is another team out there, and we have no control over them.” The grey man sighs. “So far the agents are pushing this other boy, 24 years old Aiden Strept. There is little hope that he’s done anything, and the case ends up in your X-Files cabinet for the rest of time.”

He looks over at the picture of the other boy and his records, showing similarities between the two, noticeably, both going to the same school, just years apart from one another. Like his boss, he doesn’t want an innocent boy going to jail because of him protecting his son. His criminal son.

Mulder gets up and starts to walk towards the door, but pauses, turns back towards Skinner and says, “Thank you sir, for everything you’ve done for him.” And with that, he walks out and closes the door behind him.

***

Jackson watches from a distance as his mother plays with his baby sister. He was never around babies much while he was growing up, so he didn’t know exactly how to play with them. As he watches them, he begins to process the information he’s recently learned about his family.

Both of his parents have been criminals at one point in their lives --- does he think that makes them cool and makes him feel a little closer to them or does he think “I will never be free from this prison”

He has always been hunted, most likely to be experimented on or killed because of his powers and his connection to the invasion.

His father did tons of research on him to find him. His father is doing everything in his power to keep him away from being caught.

“I’ll be right back, I’m just going to put Sammie down for her morning nap.” Jackson was brought out of his musing by his mother’s words. He nods silently, watching as the woman swings the small girl up and balances her on her hip. “I’ll be down soon.” And with that, she left him alone.

He takes the time to scan out the front window, suspicious of anyone that could be in the area. With no one in sight, or on his radar, he walks back to the living room and sits down on the couch. Before him, the TV is still playing. He thinks he recognizes the show, but he’s not sure. He debates whether to turn it off, but he feels an uncomfortable shiver as he reaches for the remote. As if someone was telling him not to touch the TV. For a moment he thought it was Sammie who wants the television to stay on. But she’s supposed to be asleep. He stares hard at the remote, reaching for the remote again and feels the same resistance he felt before, but this time it’s accompanied by a strong “NO” in the voice of his sister. Well that settles that, he thinks as he sets the remote on the couch.

He checks his watch fifteen minutes later when his mother hasn’t returned to the main level. He got up and walks to the stairs when he hears a movement, looking up he sees his mother turn to the stairs and come down.

“Apologies, Sammie didn’t seem to want to get any sleep today. Every time I turned to leave, she’d start whimpering. I don’t know what’s up with her today. She’s usually pretty good at going down.” He nods, turning back towards the living room to sit down. The older woman grabs the remote in her hand, turning off the TV herself. She didn’t seem to get the same message he had. And if she did, she ignored it. “Are there any questions you have?” She asks once she settles herself on the couch. “Anything you’d like to know?”

“Yeah,” He looks up at her. “I want to know how it all happened.”

She smiles at him, pulling her feet up onto the couch and wrapping her arms around them. She rests her chin on her knees and starts to tell a story she’s told so many times before. “Well, it all started in 1993 when I, fresh out of medical school and one of the greenest agents on the force, was assigned to the X-Files to debunk your father’s work…”

“You mean spy on him?”

Scully just smiles.

***

Hours pass like minutes and soon enough, Mulder walks through the door to see Scully with her head in the refrigerator, apparently looking for something. When he turns to the living room to check on Sammie, he almost gasps because there on the ground playing peek a boo with his daughter in his lap is the son he hasn’t seen in two years.

He watches the moment between the siblings fondly, not daring to disturb them, before walking back into the kitchen to his is partner deciding on dinner. “I’m all up for the hamburgers if that’s what you’re stuck on.” He comments on the two meals in her hands.

“I don’t know, does Jackson even like burgers? Maybe he’s a vegetarian.” She worries her bottom lip between her teeth.

“I don’t know, let’s ask him. HEY JACKSON, DO YOU LIKE BURGERS?”

“YES!” Was the response from the living room.

“See how easy that was?” Scully rolls her eyes at him and smacks his arm. “You didn’t have to do that in my ear, ya know.”

He laughs, his hand resting on the small of her back, then plants a kiss on her head. “I know.”

Scully sets the burgers down on the counter and heads to the living room. “Hey Jackson, can you put the TV on for Sammie? She usually watches some before dinner to calm her down.”

“Sure” The teen says, reaching for the remote, catching the attention of his sister. He turns it on and flips through the channels. “Oh look Sammie, Barney’s on!”

“NO!” His parents yell from the kitchen, startling him and causing him to fumble and drop the remote.

He spins around to question them. “What? I used to watch it all the time!”

“Didn’t your parents ever research what went on with the actors in this show?” “

No, doxxing the hell out of children’s show wasn’t one of their past times.”

“Sammie is never watching Barney; he’s not allowed in this house for reasons that I’ll explain when younger ears” he looks pointedly at Sammie, “aren’t around. Let’s try some Sesame Street instead.” Mulder explains. He exits the room and heads to the backyard to warm up the barbecue for dinner. He may not be the best cook, but he does make some mean burgers.

When he walks back into the house, Jackson was sitting on the floor with Sammie still in his lap, watching the show he suggested. He walks into the kitchen to find his partner in tears. “Scully,” Mulder says concerned, “What’s wrong?”

“Mulder,” She sniffles, “Do you realize that this will be the first time in 19 years that we’ve had sat down to have dinner with out son, as a family?” A fresh tear rolls down her face. He steps closer to her, his hand placed on her cheek, his thumb whipping away the tear.

“And do you realize he couldn’t exactly sit down for dinner, as he was three days old?” He quips. She laughs, leaning into his touch. “But I get what you mean; our family is together again.” He pulls her into a hug, burying his face into her long locks.

“I just hope that he can stay.” He lets out a silent prayer to whatever God would listen to him.

“He seems to be getting pretty attached to Sammie and she seems to be the same way with him. Maybe if he won’t stay for us, he’ll stay for her.” Scully observes. “I don’t care what makes him stay; I just want him back in our lives for good.” A fresh round of tears falls from her eyes and Mulder wipes them away with the pad of his thumb.

“Oh Dana.” He whispers, her first name rare on his lips as he pulls her into his arms. Neither of them notice the siblings standing in the doorway to the kitchen, Sammie in the arms of the teen. He watches them in awe, the passion and care they still have for each other after all these years makes him want to believe in something he hasn’t in a long time: love. Sammie is content to chew on her fist. He doesn’t say a word for many moments, leaving his mother and father to have their moment together.

A couple minutes had passed by the time two part because they feel like they are being watched. Sure enough they look over to the entryway to see their son standing against the wall. “Oh, Jackson, sorry. We didn’t see you there.” Scully says, trying to hide the fact that she had been crying not more than 30 seconds ago.

“Do you really mean that?” He asks, fearing the worst.

The woman nods, wrapping her arms around her middle. He let out a sign of relief. “We’ve wanted this for so long, but never had the chance to do so. Not until tonight.” He doesn’t say anything, just shifts his sister in his arms.

The family of four stood around the kitchen in silence, coming to terms with the emotions in the room.

“This isn’t going to get dinner cooked.” Mulder was the first one to speak up. “I don’t need to waste any more propane.” With that, he grabs the plate of hamburgers and walks out the back door.

Jackson watches his father leave before looking over to his looking over to his mother who was quiet. With Sammie still on his hip, he walks up to her and pulls the woman into an unexpected hug, his chin resting on her head. “I want to stay. If it’s safe, I’ll stay.” He whispers to her, holding back his own tears.

Scully relaxes into her son’s touch, her head resting against his chest. Sammie reaches over and pats her hand against her Mama’s cheek, babbling. She smiles at the little girl, content in her world. Jackson was the first to pull away from the hug, letting go of his mother’s shoulders. “Do you need help with anything? S

he shakes her head, a small smile on her face. “No, it’s ok. You can go spend some time with your sister.”

Mulder walks back into the kitchen. “I forgot the cheese. Jackson, do you like cheese on your burger?”

The teen nods eagerly. “I’m not a barbarian.” Mulder chuckles at the statement, thinking of all those people in his life who doesn’t eat cheeseburgers. Namely his ex partner, Diana. Now armed with three cheese slices, he heads back outside.

“Barbarian?” Scully asks, a smirk on her face as she pulls out the bag of french fries. Jackson just smirks in return before walking back into the living room with his sister in tow.

When Mulder walks in with the hamburgers, Jackson gets Sammie ready for dinner with his mother’s help, the girl didn’t seem to want to leave Jackson’s side. Safely secured in her highchair, the baby bangs on her tray, demanding her food. Jackson helps to quickly set the table for the three of them, pouring everyone a glass of water, along with setting the utensils beside each one of the plates.

After washing up, he sits down with his biological parents for dinner. The first of many, he promises himself. The meal is filled with laughs as Scully and Mulder regale Jackson with tales of some of their more interesting cases.

“You killed a teenager cause you thought he was a vampire?” He laughs, not believe what he was hearing.

Pointing his fork at the boy, he defends himself. “Ronnie came back to life after the M.E. took the steak out of his chest, validating my point that he was, in fact, a vampire.”

The conversations end long after their dinner had finished. No one suggests to change the topic, even when the couple starts to argue that their version of the story is the truth. Jackson couldn’t ask for better parents. His heart strings tugs when he thought about his parents, the ones that raised him. They did this too in their own way, of course it wasn’t usually about alien invasions and monster hunting. It was more on how to put something together, or his Dad telling the story of how his team won the baseball game. His mom was always there to remind him that it didn’t go like that, or that his Dad was exaggerating.

Aliens and monsters were more his kind of thing, anyways. Something he must have gotten from his father. The love of the unknown. His parents, the ones who raised him, always supported his love of space, buying him his first telescope. But when he talked about it, then were never fully into the conversation. But now, he has a father who he can talk about his interests with.

Maybe they will be able to trust each other after all.

***

Mulder gets up to pull out the pint of ice cream that his partner had stashed away in the freezer, knowing she hides it from him on purpose. “All is us being together again calls for a special treat.” He said knowing Scully can’t argue with his reasoning.

“Fine, but you’re cleaning up your daughter. You know how much of a mess she makes with that stuff.”

“Deal.” Pulling out the bowls, Mulder prepares their dessert. “We even got the good stuff today, none of that fat-free tofu stuff your mom likes.” Mulder smirks at the look of disgust on his son’s face.

“He didn’t complain whenever he would sneak some.” Scully whispers to her son, eyeing her partner. Pretending he didn’t hear her, Mulder passes out the filled dishes. This is how he pictured his nights to go 20 years ago when he found out that Scully was pregnant with his child. William. Jackson. He’ll call his son whatever he wants to be called. If he’s more comfortable with Jackson, that’s what he’ll call him. The small smiles that have been on his face throughout the night are enough to let out the tension he held in his shoulders while he is around the teen.

After dinner he’ll talk to the boy about it.

“Thank you.” Jackson and Scully say in unison. At least he has his mother’s manners, he said to himself as he sits down in his chair. He watches as Scully shares her dessert with the mini redhead, the little girl grabbing the spoon and pulling the utensil towards her face, spreading the ice cream from cheek to cheek and missing her mouth entirely.

“You’re such a sticky baby, Sammie, yes you are.” Scully coos and lightly tickles her sides. Mulder’s heart melts as he watches the interaction. He glances over to Jackson, noticing that the boy was staring at the two beside him. When the teen notices that he is being watched, he averts his gaze and looks down to his bowl in the table, a blush spreading across his fair cheeks.

“You know, your mom use to do the same thing with you.” Mulder comments on it.

“She did?”

“Mhm, Scully, and most likely your adoptive parents too.”

The blush on the boy’s face deepens, his eyes glazing over in thought. Mulder remembers when Maggie had mentioned long ago that she use to do it with all her children, and the same deep red blush that had appeared across Scully’s cheeks immediately after. His own probably did the same with him and Samantha, but after his sister’s disappearance, him and his parents grew apart and little things like that was never mentioned again.

Scully’s bowl was the first one to be finished, even with the distraction of trying to feed a one year old with an affinity for everything messy. Mulder swore that most of the ice cream had ended up on the little girl’s face and clothing rather than in her tummy, which is exactly what Scully had been warning him about earlier. He finds it rather cute. Quickly, Mulder eats the last two spoonfuls of his dessert before holding out his hand to grab hers. Looking over to Jackson, he takes notice that he was slowly working on his own.

Placing the two bowls in the sink, he wets a face cloth and goes to clean up his daughter. Scully is already taking the girl out of the high chair and hands her over to his waiting arms.

“Your job, G-Man.” She laughs, taking the tray to the sink to wash. “I’m going to take Sammie for a quick run when you’re done.” She says aloud, with a silent, to let you two talk, tailing the end of her sentence. He nods, taking the small girl up to her room to clean up and change.

He expects the girl to be much more messy than she is. Once they allow her to use her own spoon, he expects to have to give the girl a bath several baths per night. If Sammie was going to be anything like Scully as a toddler, there will be food in her hair… and other places. Unlike today. Ice cream may be messy, but it’s easier to clean off a wiggly toddler than the spaghetti they had the night before. Mulder laughs at the memory, Sammie had a saucy handprint on the side of her face. They had to skip the face cloth and pretty much drop her in the bathtub right after their meal.

Cleaned and dressed in a pair of stretchy denim leggings, an Ariel-themed t shirt, and a pair of pink fur lined boots, Mulder deems her ready to go out. He lifts the girl into his arms and blows a raspberry onto her rosy cheek, smiling when he gets a high pitched squeal in return. If everyday was like this, his life would be almost perfect.

Working the X Files without Scully is so mundane these days that he needs a truly strange case to make him interested. Other than that, his day was perfect. Descending the stairs to the main floor, he takes the girl back to the kitchen where the table was cleared and the dishes were done. I wasn’t up there that long, was I?

“Can I?” Jackson asks as he walks up to the two newcomers, his hands held out. The older man nods, handing his daughter over to her brother. Neither say anything, but Mulder needs to figure out a way to tell the boy now that he wants to talk to him without coming on too strong and scaring him away.

The little girl rests her head on the boy’s shoulder, her small hand coming around to grasp onto his shirt, and lets out a big yawn. After all these touching moments between the siblings continues, Mulder doesn’t know if his heart can take it.

“Okay,” Scully pulls him back to reality, wiping her hands on her jeans. “The dishes just need to dry, so when you get the chance, can you two put them away?” He nods, walking to dry them by hand, a habit he had picked up when he was deep in thought. As he picks up the first plate, he averts his ears to the conversation behind him. “I’m going to take her with me, are you ok watching her while I go grab a hoodie?”

He hears the bottom stair creek as she goes to put on the sweater that she has hanging on the back of their bedroom door, right where she had put it the night before.

Behind him, he could hear Jackson humming along to a familiar tune. It’s the same one that he hears when Scully is sick and she wants nothing more than to curl up with a movie that she had watched with her own dad. It’s the same one she long ago told him was the last movie she saw with him. And now, here he was, listening to his son hum Part of You World to his daughter. He wonders if Jackson even knows that Sammie’s middle name is Arielle or the intricate part that movie plays in their lives. Her bright red hair was a factor as well.

“I didn’t take you for a fan of Disney music, Jackson.” He says, not turning around from his chore.

Stopping his humming, the boy looks up from his sister. “My mom loved Disney movies, and it was something we watched together all the time. Seeing as I didn’t have any siblings, I spent a lot of time doing activities with her and my Dad, even if it was just camping out in the living room for a movie night and a bowl of popcorn.” He cuddles his drowsy sister closer to him. “Every once in a while, I’d put on a movie as a guilty pleasure. I still know most of the songs.”

Mulder opens his mouth to ask where he got the idea from to sing that particular song from, but he doesn’t get the chance. “Her shirt reminded me of the song and I couldn’t help but remember watching it some days I was kept home from school sick.” They didn’t see each other’s smiles, but the atmosphere in the room lightens.

“The only reason I bought that shirt for her was cause your mom decided that it’s what her middle name was going to be.”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously.” Scully says as she walks back into the kitchen, Mulder turns around, placing the dry plate in its cupboard. “It was the first name that came to mind the moment I saw her hair.” The woman says with a smile. “Now, I have to go before the sun starts to set.” She reaches for the little girl who buries her face into her brothers shoulder. He gives her a weird look before he tries to hand his sister over, resulting in a loud whine coming from the small girl.

“Come on Sammie, go to Mama.” Jackson encourages, shifting his body closer to his mother. Scully reaches to grab for the small girl, causing the girl to erupt in a loud scream and tighten her death grip on Jackson's shirt. Mulder and Scully give each other a questioning gaze, both wondering why their daughter refuses to go to her mother, the person she usually clings onto the most. “I can just put her in the stroller, if it makes things any easier?” The boy asks, his eyes wide. Scully nods giving her daughter a questioning glance, leading him to the back door where she kept the stroller. Jackson places his sister into it, with little difficulty and help from his mother on how to strap her in.

Mulder couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Usually his daughter didn’t like other people to be holding her, hell, even having anyone but her parents place her in the stroller has been a struggle in the past. Skinner had received an earful from the baby when he had went to put her back into her stroller one day when she was visiting FBI Headquarters to do an emergency autopsy. But here she was, holding on to her older brother, someone she’s just met, and refusing to let go. His children would have such a connection so fast baffles him.

“There, all set and ready for a run.” Jackson coos, unaware that his parents were watching with a smile on their face. Rising from his knelt position, he asks, “Do you need any help getting her outside?”

The older redhead shakes her head. "I’ve seemed to manage in the past. I’ll be back in a bit - it seems that salad wasn’t enough to fight off the cheeseburgers your father insist we have for dinner.” And with that, the two were off.

“Jackson?” Mulder ran his fingers through his hair. He didn’t know where to start. Or how to start. “I- uh… We need to talk.” God, those words hurt. It’s the same words that Scully has use on him in the past, the same words that his past relationships had used on him. But here he was, using them with his own child. Just as long as it’s not the birds and the bees, he reminds himself. He shudders at the thought.

Jackson didn’t say anything, but he didn’t have to; the look on his face said it all.

When Mulder sees his face, he quickly adds, “Oh no! It’s nothing bad. I just want to talk to you for a couple minutes.” Jackson visibly relaxes and then looks to Mulder for a sign of what they’re doing next.

Mulder takes a seat on the couch then pats the cushion beside him. The boy hesitates for a moment before taking a deep breath and walking to the vacant part of the couch. “Is this about why you’re so tense… Around me that is?” He asks.

Mulder wasn’t surprised that the boy knew already why he wanted to talk, nor was he surprised that he came willingly to have this talk with him. But he was still at a loss for what to say. Eventually he decides to abandon the script he laid out in his head and spoke from the heart. “I can’t lose them.” He pauses, maybe it was for him to gather his thoughts, or maybe it was for that dramatic effect Scully always insists he does. Either way, it gave him an opportunity to slow his racing heart. “Your mom and sister, I mean. Everything I do, I do for them. Everyday I do everything within my power to keep them safe.”

Jackson stares blankly at him, and he wonders if what he’s saying is getting through to the boy at all. He just hopes so.

“And you, I can’t lose you again. There have been two times in the past couple years that I’ve seen your body in front of me, dead. One of those times it was you disguised as me, but the point still stands. I still get nightmares from that.” He drops his head into his hands, the images from that night flashing through his head at rapid speed.

“But-”

His head shot up, his eyes bore into the teen’s. “I can’t watch you die again, Jackson. I can’t lose my only son again.”

“Mulder…” He starts. “I’m a rapid healer. That’s how I survived that old fart shooting me in the head.” His face shows how serious he is, and Mulder can hardly believe him. He wanted to believe, but he couldn’t. “I’ll prove it if I have to.” The boy stands up and looks around the room.

“I swear, if you shoot yourself, I’ll kill you.” Mulder says deadpan, his brows furrowed. Jackson marches to the kitchen and comes back a minute later with a knife in his hand. “Don’t you dare!” Too late. The idiot boy- which says something about him and Scully that he’d rather not think about- has already ran the knife across the palm of his hand. Mulder’s instinct shot through him and he quickly grabs the blanket that they kept on the back of the couch before rushing to Jackson’s side. He grabs the boy’s hand and starts patting at the open wound, the material absorbing the blood.

Before he has a chance to reprimand his son for doing something so stupid and thoughtless, the wound starts to heal. Mulder swallows. It was true. The boy can heal himself. He looks from the healing cut to the boy’s eyes, and then back again.

“How?”

Jackson shrugs. “Must be a result of the experimenting they did on me.” Taking his hand out of his father’s grasp, he continues. “However it happened, it has saved my life multiple times. That’s why I knew I had to take that shot for you and in doing so, set him up to be shot. It was the only way.”

“You scared your mother and I to death that night.” He wants to yell, but he didn’t.

“I’ll do everything in my power to keep you guys safe. I won’t let any harm to Sammie, I swear on my life.” Mulder has a hard time believing him. He’s already risked it on multiple occasions, but could a boy who couldn’t die, keep him promise? But he’s only 19 and he’s their son; they shouldn’t be relying on their son to keep their family safe.

He and Scully should be able to protect their family, including their supernatural son. And they have - they’ve done an amazing job so far.

“We should be the ones protecting you. You’re still a kid.”

“I’m not a kid.” The teen raises his brow, a familiar look his mother gives him.

“Legally, you may not be a kid, but you’ll always be our kid. And that means that we will do everything within our power to keep both you and your sister safe. Especially if it means that you don’t have to go through what’s happened in the last two years again.”

“But what if I bring those people here?” Mulder can hear the panic rise in his voice. “How could they? You’ve been declared dead two years ago! Who would be tracking down a dead kid?” Mulder raises his voice, shocking the boy enough to flinch. “I’ve already been doing my best to get the FBI off your tail. They are now focused on another boy in the area who is five years older than you. And unless you are a prominent part of his memory, I don’t believe he’ll snitch on you.” The man was pacing now. His heart calms a little bit with every step.

“No one should be able to remember me. I’ve erased the memory of me from those who saw me after I died.” He said quietly, playing with the hem of his shirt. “Including my girlfriends and Maddy.”

The man nods, reminding himself to take notes later when he talks to Scully about this. He also makes a mental note to talk to his son about how having multiple girlfriends at the same time is not the best idea for many reasons. But that’s a conversation for when their lives aren’t in danger. “How long have you been able to do that?” He whispers, similar questions flying through his skull.

The boy starts to rock back and forth from his heel to the ball of his foot as he thinks. “About a year, I think? I lost track of time for a bit while I was on the run. I went to visit them while their parents were out. I just willed it to happen and it did. They were in a daze, and then I disguised myself to ask them about myself, they declared I was dead. Had been since 2018; suicide.” The boy frowns at the memory. “I did that with all of them, and then kept myself hidden from everyone since then. No one has seen my real face in over a year. But I don’t know how they keep finding me.”

“I don’t know, maybe it’s the trail of bodies you’ve left behind?” Mulder says, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Right…” The boy shakes his head. “I should have known better, but the fuckers were going to capture me like I was some kind of pokemon!”

Mulder tosses the blood-soaked blanket in the general direction of the laundry room. “You should have come to us sooner. We could have helped you.”

“I doubt that you could have stopped this from happening.” Jackson sighs loudly.

“We’ve been dealing with them a long time.” Mulder states, his hands gripping his biceps. “I barely had the help from The Lone Gunmen when I went into hiding the second time.”

The boy scoffs. “It was 19 years ago, it was easier to hide back then. Back in the old days.”

He did not just call 2002 ‘the old days.’ Mulder’s eyes narrow. “If your mother heard that, she’d find a way to kill you and won’t stop till she does.”

Raising his hands in defence, Jackson takes a step back. “I didn’t mean it like that.” He says quickly. “I just meant that technology has advanced rapidly in the last 20 years.”

Mulder nods, understanding his meaning. Nevertheless, he changes the topic. “Where are you staying tonight?”

“In an enclosed space by the park; I have my tent set up.”

A tent? His mouth gapes wide open. How could his son be surviving in a tent? How is he eating? Bathing? “Can’t you stay here tonight?” He pleas, hearing the back door open.

His son shakes his head sorrowfully. “Sorry, I can’t. Staying here any longer would just put you guys in danger.”

“You’re part of this family!” Mulder calls as his son heads for the back door.

“No Mulder, I’m not. Not yet.” Jackson says as he looks over his shoulder.

Scully looks up at her son as she brings a sleeping Sammie and the stroller through the door. “You’re leaving?” The boy nods, his fingers brushing Sammie’s cheek as she dozed on her mother’s shoulder. “Please return to us, we’ll find a way to protect you.” She says softly.

“I will Dana.” He pulls her into a hug and rests his chin atop of her head, listening to the soft breathing of his sister. “Take care of Sammie for me, she doesn’t want to leave your side tonight.” And with that, he leaves before either of them can convince him to stay.

***

“Come on baby, it’s time to sleep.” Scully pleads with her daughter as she tries for the tenth time to put her to bed. Each time the girl screams bloody murder the moment she’s placed into her crib. Jackson’s words echos in her head. Well, too bad. She’s not sleeping with me tonight. She needs to learn to let go, she thinks, tired of fighting with her.

Behind her, Mulder opens his mouth to speak but is cut off by Scully’s tired voice.

“Not a word. I know what you’re going to say, and I know I’ve said it to you many times, but I can’t just walk away when she’s like this.” Last time she had to walk away from her child screaming their head off, she had left William with Monica, they day she had said her goodbye to him after adopting him out. “I can’t do it again.”

She feels Mulder getting closer to her, his hand rubbing her bicep. He knows what she’s thinking of and it pains him greatly that she let’s that experience run her life. “Honey, we’ll only be in the next room. We’re not giving her up for adoption. This time you have me here with you, and I’m not going anywhere. Not this time.”

“Mulder…” She barely whispers, her voice drowned out by the baby’s cries. He guides her out of the room. She stops at the door and looks back watching as Sammie screams her little lungs out, her little hands reaching for anyone who will hold her. An internal war takes place in her head as she fightst to not go back to the infant and hold her close until her sobs cease, but Mulder kept a tight hold of her and ushers her to back to their bedroom. From there she can hear the baby’s hiccoughs as she screams seem to get louder. Her heart aches, wants to do nothing but push her partner away and run to her baby. “Mulder…” She says again. The man shushes her, guiding her to their large bed.

“She’s not going to get any sleep if we coddle her.”

“Mulder, she’s going to go get any sleep if we leave her continue to cry like this!” She shoots back at him. “And neither will we!”

“She will eventually wear herself out enough to fall asleep and in time she grow accustomed to doing so without crying. My sister did it all the time when she was a baby. I grew used to it after a while and soon after my parents started doing this, she stopped.”

“I was too young to remember Charlie ever doing this.” She murmurs. “But I could never leave William on his own when he was like this. I always tried to be there for him.” When she had tried to listen to her mom’s advice for getting her son to sleep, she usually ignored it because it physically pained her to leave him like that. She usually ended up falling asleep in the rocking chair with the child. She didn’t have someone to contradict her the last time around, but she finds a different point of view refreshing, if a little painful.

He guides her to the bed and she sits down on the edge. A quick look keeps her there, but the need to bolt out of the room and into their daughters is the most prominent thought in her mind right now. As he moves around the room, she listens on to her little Sammie in the other room. What could have possibly caused this reaction from her? She’s never done this before. William was like this more often than she was.

Around her, Mulder turns on the baby monitor, throws a pair of her favorite silk pyjamas in her direction, before stripping down to his own boxers and white T-Shirt. He didn’t stop getting ready for bed, but he tries to encourage Scully to do so as well, the baby’s cries rang through the bedroom from the small device. “Scully, you have to leave her be.” He presses his lips to the crown of her head, her eyes closing at the contact. “She’ll fall asleep on her own, I promise.”

She rises to her feet, fighting down her instinct to run back into her daughter’s room. But she needs to get her daughter’s screams off her mind, so she forces herself to take a shower instead. Mulder is there to listen for Sammie if she needs anything anyways. Grabbing her night clothes, she heads to the bathroom for a well deserved shower.

Water runs down her long hair and shoulders. The thoughts running through head occupy her combined with the running water allow her to block out the outside world. She worries about Sammie, her sudden attachment to her brother, someone she has barely met yet played with as if he has been in her life from the beginning.

She leans back and rests her head on the tiles behind her, eyes closing almost reflexively. Her daughter confuses her. She’s been around a few of the agents at the FBI and each time the mini redhead would reach over to her, whimpering to be back in her mother’s or father’s arms. Today, she had not done that once.

She doesn’t want to leave your side, her son’s voice reminds her. He has this connection with her, one that neither she nor Mulder has. Something stronger. Something alien.

No. She didn’t want to believe it. Yes, she was injected with alien DNA when she was abducted all those years ago. Yes, Jackson started off as an alien-human hybrid experiment of that smoking bastard. But Sammie had been conceived out of trust and compassion, bringing the couple back together after so many years apart.

Nonetheless, her daughter was no experiment. She wasn’t alien. Her fears were coming true, that her daughter was not truly her own. Her heart is racing, refusing to see what is in front of her.

She needs to find out.

Mulder welcomes her to their bed when she finally steps out of the shower, the room filled with quiet whimpers from the baby monitor. “Mulder,” She says after many minutes of silence. “How did your talk with Jackson go?” For now she focuses the conversation on him, keeping her fears to herself until she can sort out her thoughts.

He breathes into her hair, pulling her body flush against his. “It went better than expected.” He pauses, burying his face into her neck. “I explained to him why I was so willing to trust him being here, along with vowing to protect him.” She felt him legs curl around her own, intertwining them. “What I didn’t expect was an encore performance of what happened on the docks. Oh that reminds me,” He said suddenly. “Can you show me how to clean blood out of a blanket again?”

“What did you two do?” Her eyes narrow dangerously. “I did nothing, I promise!” He laughs, kissing her cheek. “Jackson, on the other hand, decided to cut open his palm with a kitchen knife. Also, don’t use the knife in the sink until I can clean it properly; it has blood on it too.”

“HE DID WHAT?!” She exclaims, shooting up in bed and hitting her head off of his chin.

“Ow, that’s what I was saying.” He sits up with her, rubbing his chin. “He proved it to me, he can heal. Rapidly. That’s how he survived the whole thing at the docks.”

“That’s imposs- Just how rapidly are you talking about?” She interrupts herself, her curiosity getting the better of her. The man smirks, still rubbing his sore spot.

“He we healed within minutes, but my heart still hasn’t recovered from it.”

“Oh, oh wow.” She didn’t meet his eyes, as she continues to rub her head, “Well, that does explain a lot, doesn’t it?” She’s referring to the night on that night at the docks. He had told her repeatedly on how the night went after he had gone after their, of how that smoking bastard was already there. How Jackson pretended to be his father, and how his father had to watch himself get executed. It will never happen again. “I can’t believe it.” She said with a huff, lying back down in, her eyes on the ceiling.

“Neither could I… Until he showed me, that is.” He lays back down beside her, resting his head in the palm of his hand as looks down to his partner. “It was out of this world, Scully. He is truly remarkable. I know parents say this all the time about their kids, but our son is truly one of a kind.”

“Do… Do you think Sammie will be one of a kind too? Like Jackson?” She asks, her earlier worries coming back.

His hand comes up, touching her face, pulling her gaze towards him. “What do you mean?” He’s concerned, and why the hell not? This was his little girl she was talking about. She knew Sammie meant the world to him. “Scully, did she do something?”

“Oh, no no no, not at all.” She whispers, reassuring him. “It just, she’s been different today, and after what Jackson said this evening, I just have a few concerns.” She listens to the baby monitor, Sammie’s whimpers becoming few and far between as their conversation continues. “Jackson speaks as if he knows what’s on her mind.”

She could tell he was thinking back, he had that look on his face. “Is that where you got the idea that she likes to be called ‘Sammie’?” He asks, his eyes searching hers. The woman nods, raising her hand to rest a top of his. “I didn’t ask; I had figured that it was a connection between you and her, like you have with Jackson.” He tells her, interlacing his fingers with hers.

She shakes her head. “No, Jackson and I didn’t have a connection until he was a teenager, and even then, it was just visions. Jackson…” She pauses, inhaling. “Jackson speaks as if they are talking to each other, communicating.”

“Scully, she’s only a year old, she can’t talk.”

“Not verbally, no. But we both know she has other ways to tell us what she wants us to know.” Whimpers and screaming were the key ones for when she didn’t like what they were doing or want what they were giving her. She looks forward to the day her daughter can speak, but if her daughter is anything like her parents, she wouldn’t want to deal with the stubbornness of a Scully-Mulder toddler.

“Can you talk to him?” He asks. “Can you ask how they communicate?”

“I will.”

She kisses the palm of his hand, holding it to her lips for a few moments. She rolls over, facing away from him. He takes the invite, spooning up behind her, his hands resting on her her stomach.

They both fell asleep to the soft snores of their daughter.

***

Saturday morning Mulder was on the phone before he has his cup of coffee. He had woken up in the middle of the night to attend to Sammie, letting his partner to get some well needed rest. But when he had returned to bed, he couldn’t sleep. So he had come up with a plan.

“Boys, we’re hacking into Area 51.” He declares.

“What?” Scully’s voice comes from the kitchen, followed by a pot dropping the the ground, a string of curses following a loud clang.

Over the phone, he can hear someone cracking their knuckles, knowing he was on speaker phone. “Man! We haven’t done that in years!”

Frohike spoke up over the phone, his voice a bit cheery. “What’s the occasion?”

“We are stopping this manhunt at the source.” He is determined to protect his son, even if it was doing it the illegal way.

“How do you know it’s the source?” Byers asks.

“My gut.” It wasn’t the best of a source, but he couldn’t shake this feeling.

“So you have no idea?”

“Not an inkling.” It has never been a good source. “Just go in and see where they are finding information on Jackson, block it, and get out.”

“Don’t you worry Mulder, we’ve got it covered.” The line goes dead and Mulder imagines that The Lone Gunmen are hard at work.

“Mulder, you did not just do that.” Scully was standing before him, her hands resting on her hips, a familiar glare in her eyes. “Area 51 has more clearance than either you or I do! Someone is going to catch them! You’re gonna get caught.” She was stern, and he was slightly turned on by it. He shouldn’t be, but she was feisty when she was angry. “Mulder!” She brought him back to reality.

“They won’t get caught, Scully, trust me.” He smirks, looking her over.

“Says the man who says to trust no one.” She quips, keeping her stance. He walks towards her. “You taught me to trust someone, and there are only four people I trust with my life. And one of them is the love of my life.”

“Frohike?” Mulder can’t keep his laughter in, causing his partner to fall into a fit a giggles before him.

“I don’t think Frohike looks as good in a dress as you do, my love.” Still laughing, he pulls her into a hug, her laughs muffled by his chest. “But I trust those guys with my own life and the lives of my family, and that’s just what I’m doing.”

“I fear for the worst.”

“That’s because you’re a worry-wart.” He presses his lips to the top of her head, a deep sign coming from her body. He glances over to his daughter in her highchair. The little redhead was making a mess of her toast and cheerios as usual. “We will stop these people and we will protect our son.”

“God, I just hope you’re right.” She whispers, leaning into his touch. He rubs his hands along her spine, feeling her shiver against him.

They stood like that in the kitchen for what felt like hours, but it could have only been minutes before Sammie started throwing her cereal at her parents because she wasn’t getting enough attention, effectively pulling Mulder away from Scully’s embrace. He walks over to the baby, disengaging the tray from the chair, and pulling her out of the now messy seat.

“None of that now,” he whispers, pressing his nose against the side of the child’s head to breathe in that sweet baby smell he has grown so fond of in the past year and a half.

He sees Scully smile fondly at him and his baby girl. He vows to make this family whole again just as Sammie’s sweet laughter fills the room, effectively lightening the mood. He’s going to bring home his son for good.

His day had gone on quietly as he waits for the call from The Lone Gunmen. It never came. He wasn’t sure if he was worried or relieved. On one hand, they weren’t calling to say they fucked up, that his family was going to be dead because of their mistake.

But they weren’t calling to say they got in, or that his son was free now either. That’s the part that scares him.

It’s a waiting game, and right now Scully and Mulder are losing.

***

It was two more days of constant worrying, anxious nail biting, and doting on Sammie more than usual to distract themselves from the mission they have convinced themselves is doomed to fail.

That is, until early morning of the third day. It’s just past 5AM when the phone rings an ungodly sound. He answers with a sleepy yet curt “Hello” before scrambling to untangle the mess of legs and sheets him and Scully had somehow managed to work themselves into during the night and bolting out of bed. When he goes to stand up, he fails to notice his feet are still intertwined in some of the sheets and falls flat on his face, hitting his elbow on the way down.

He pushes himself up from the floor in record time, especially for a 60 year old, and finally manages to answer his phone while cradling his sore elbow. “Mulder.”

“We found the source.” It was Byers. Mulder let out a relieved sigh; Byers was by far the most trustworthy of the three men. If he was calling, then they can be assured that the information is solid.

Mulder didn’t say anything as Scully shifts in bed, turning over and snuggles with his pillow, breathing in his lingering scent deeply. He finally frees his feet from the bedding and moves to leave the room, leaving Scully in a deep sleep. “Go on.” He says, closing the bedroom door behind him.

Langley was the one to speak up this time. “It’s from a group in the Arizona desert that does experimental testing on...well let’s say ‘above average’ humans. The reason they’re after Jackson is because someone tipped them off about his unique DNA. We were able to remove all mention of him from their database. Jackson van de Kamp simply does not exist, according to the government.”

Frohike manages to shoehorn himself into the conversation, “Mulder, you’ve gotta find a way to get that alien DNA out of him; it’s how they’re tracking him and knows he’s still alive despite him being legally dead.” Mulder runs his free hand over his face, coming to rest on his forehead where he is starting to develop a splitting headache.

“Okay guys. Thanks for your help. I’ll call when we’re in the clear. Maybe we can do a barbeque or something.” The boys say their goodbyes and hang up. Mulder heads back to the bedroom; he has quite a lot to think about.

But when he re-enters the bedroom, Scully is sitting up on her side of the bed with her glasses on and reading the newest installment of her current favorite series. “Hey,” Mulder whispers, feeling as though his full voice is somehow wrong in this situation. She looks up and smiles in acknowledgement as she puts her book face down so she doesn’t lose her page.

“If you were up, why didn’t you come after me?” Mulder questions. He knows she is just as desperate as he is to put an end to this whole nightmare.

“I knew I wouldn’t get anywhere with that; I’d only hear half the conversation and you’d wave me off until you knew the whole story. I figured I’d save myself the trouble and just wait for you to come back and tell me yourself.” She explains with a grin, clearly happy with her analysis.

“Okay then, Smarty Pants. Try this on for size. The Gunmen found the source and were able to remove any trace of Jackson from all government files. But they also found that the reason these people are after him is because they want to do testing on him due to his… unique DNA. It’s how they’re tracing him and how they know he’s still alive. We need to find a way to get that DNA out of him. It’s the only way. They won’t rest until they have him or he’s dead.” Scully’s eyes fill with unshed tears, nodding her head as if she somehow knew what their endgame was.

“That might mean surgery. I might be operating on our son, Mulder.” She leans into his side, needing to feel his arms around her again. They stay like that for minutes, hours, days, or possibly just seconds. It feels like an eternity either way. Then Scully’s head snaps up to meet his eyes, as if she has figured out the answer to the universe’s most intimate questions. Her eyes widen comically as her brain processes the information. Maybe she has.

“Mulder, remember when you were in Tunguska and they injected you with that vaccine that made you immune to the black oil? There’s no way it was made specifically for the black oil, they were just testing it to see if it worked for the it. Which it did. Which means that if they thought it might bring immunity for those exposed to the black oil, then it must mean that they know it provides immunity for other alien species,” She’s on a roll and there’s no way he’s stopping her flow so he just sits there watching as it works itself out in her brain. “Could it really be as simple as that?” She whispers, almost to herself. “What if injecting him with your blood negates the alien DNA? Even though he has some of your DNA because he’s half yours biologically, he couldn’t have gotten nearly enough to counteract it from birth, just enough to keep it from killing him. But giving him a transfusion of your blood would eliminate it from his body. Mulder, we have to find him, NOW.” She jolts out of bed and begins looking for her shoes, any shoes, not caring that she’s still wearing her silk pyjamas or that she’s not wearing a bra.

“Scully, calm down. It’s only 6 am. We’re barely awake, Sammie’s going to need to be fed soon, and we have no idea where he is. We should at least wait until after Sammie eats before we start a manhunt. That’s something that is best done on a full stomach.” He teases to lighten the mood. Scully has stopped tearing the room apart and instead sits on the edge of the bed to catch her breath, exhausted once again. The adrenaline rush she got from developing that plan left her body immediately and she sags onto her back.

“You’re right. Of course you’re right.” As if on cue, they can hear Sammie babbling to herself thanks to the monitor on the nightstand. They smile at each other and go to start their day.

***

“Okay, right up ahead is where I saw him last.” Scully points to the upcoming park with one hand while simultaneously pushing Sammie’s stroller. Mulder looks to where she’s pointing and nods. They decided to disguise themselves as a cute family going on a nice morning walk together. While that much is true, their motives are not those of two parents walking their toddler through the park on a foggy Tuesday morning.

The park is empty and desolate at 7 am on Tuesday morning. They walk through the entirety of the park to make sure they don’t miss him, but come up empty. That is, until the front wheel of Sammie’s stroller knocks against something solid. Scully looks in front of her to see what the obstacle is, but sees nothing. She looks up at Mulder, who shrugs his shoulders, and then motions to keep going.

Scully backs the stroller up a bit and then moves forward, hitting the same invisible barrier. This time, though, the force of the hit from the stroller reveals Jackson, unconscious and just barely breathing. Scully and Mulder look at each other, a silent conversation passing between their eyes. Seconds later, Mulder bends down, scoops Jackson into his arms bridal style, and starts fast walking towards their home, knowing Scully was directly behind him.

***

When he wakes up, the first thing Jackson notices is a small hand lightly tapping against his face and a light weight on his chest. He opens his eyes and finds that he’s in Scully and Mulder’s guest room. It takes a moment for his eyes to adjust but when they do, he sees Sammie sitting on his chest holding her right hand out, obviously ready to tap his face again if he didn’t respond.

He smiles at the sight and hugs her to his chest as he sits up for the first time in what feels like days. The second thing he notices is that he can’t feel Sammie’s thoughts like he could before and immediately begins to panic.

He starts calling for Mulder and Scully, the worry evident in his voice. This power is something he’s had for as long as he can remember; glimpses of fire red hair filled his dreams when he was only a child and his communication with Sammie after he found his parents were much of what filled his brain. The fact that he can’t hear Sammie frightens him.

Scully comes rushing into the room, ready to murder someone with her bare hands if needed. Once she sees that it’s not needed, she sits down next to Jackson on the bed.

“Jackson, what’s wrong?” She combs her fingers through his long dark hair in what she hopes is a calming gesture. “My… My powers… The connection with Sammie… I can’t hear her!” His eyes were wide with panic, shifting from one eye to the other. He couldn’t lose that. Sammie had been his touchstone for over a year now, while he was on the run, waking up every morning to her thoughts had kept him going. She gave him something to fight for. The look in her eyes were grief. “How long have I been here? How did I get here?”

She blinks slowly at him, he wants to know what she was thinking. “Jackson…” She starts, pausing to take a breath. “You’ve been here for at least a week. Your father and I had found you Tuesday morning, unconscious, lying in the park. We wouldn’t have found you if we didn’t run you over with Sammie’s stroller.” The muscles in his lip twitches, wanting to smile, but he didn’t. “You were hardly breathing, we couldn’t leave you there. It was actually easier that way because we had found a way to get those guys off your back and we knew you wouldn’t come willingly.”

“What did you do to me?” The teen growls, his arms becoming tense around his baby sister, his gaze hard on the woman in front of him.

“We did what we had to do to protect our son.” She was forceful, but so was he. “Give me back my powers.” He ground out. “I need her voice in my head, I need my sister back.” The girl in question rests her head on her brother’s shoulder, not at all affected by the tension in the room, her actions were in fact comforting.

“We only did what we thought would protect you. To give you a new life so that you don’t have to be looking over your shoulder for the rest of your life and so that you can be around us without worrying about putting us in danger.”

“You took away the one thing that kept me fighting.” He glares, his hand resting on the little girl’s back. My sister, he breaks eye contact and looks down to her, his hand brushes her soft red hair. He refuses to let her go. “The one thing I looked forward to every morning since the first time I heard her thoughts. I wouldn’t take that away from you, so why did you take it away from me?”

“Jackson…”

“Just go.” He turns his head away from her, wanting to be left alone with Sammie. With his ground-zero.

The woman stands up, her muscles, moving to take her baby with her, but Sammie’s eyes stop her. With another glance to her children, she backs away, “...I’m sorry.”

She leaves. Jackson looks up as his mother exits the room. His heart aches. How could they do that to him? Experiment on him? Like he was some fucking lab rat, something they promised to protect him from! They took the one thing he had control over in his life, the one thing that kept him sane. A stray tear escapes the corner of his eye, rolling down his cheek and landing in Sammie’s soft hair.

He can’t focus. When he reaches out to search for his sister, everything is silent in his head. It is too quiet and it unnerves him.

He strains his brain to its furthest capacity, blindly hoping that if he tries hard enough, the connection will simply reappear.

At first it was the same; it was silent. But then he hears it. The small voice of the little girl in his arms. At first he thinks it was just the giggle of the girl in front of him, that he it was just his mind playing tricks on him. He hears that giggle again, louder this time and he just knows.

Sammie? His mind reaches out, calling for her. The giggle came again, it was almost there, almost in reach. Sammie, please come here! Come back to me! He thinks loudly, almost screaming to her.

The giggles grow louder with each one, but the girl in on his shoulder is silent. Happiness takes over his body so much that he stands up and swings her up into his arms.

Sammie! You’re back! He mentally shouts with unrestrained glee. With one last swing of his body, holding the girl in a tight hug, he sits down on the bed. Does this mean that whatever they did to me, never worked? He questions. But that can’t be right, why was Sammie’s voice so quiet?

He sits there thinking, watching the baby babble in his arms, before he decides to test out his theory. He concentrates, focusing his mind on the ceiling fan above him. It felt like hours or staring, frustration building within him. Just move, he pleads to the blades above him. Just fucking move! He snaps his head away the object, tears welling up in his eyes. Fu-! His thoughts comes to a halt, tiny hands grabbing hold of his cheeks.

Blue eyes meets hazel. The smile on the baby’s face grows to match his own.

“DANA! MULDER! I didn’t lose it! I can still communicate with Sammie! It must’ve just had to reboot after I woke up.” He rushes down the stairs and into the kitchen with Sammie on his hip, yelling at the top of his lungs. Scully looks at Mulder with wide eyes. That is something she did not expect.

“See? I told you he’d be fine.” Mulder says, coming up behind her, resting his hand on her back while Jackson skids into the kitchen, Sammie on his hip and not at all bothered by the noise.

“Sammie’s voice came back. In my head.” He says calmly, though glee was still prominent in his eyes. “I just had to concentrate; listen more. But she’s back!” The last part came out as a delight whisper, holding his sister close to his chest.

“But I have questions.” He told the couple, suddenly serious. “And I want them all answered.”

***

He was nervous and he didn’t know why. It might have to do with the fact that he was sitting across from his mother and father. It also might have to do with the fact that he’s still seriously upset with the two. They went behind his back. Injected him with something they say was created to block the government from tracking him, but how is that possible?

“It’s not impossible, Jackson. The three of us share similar DNA-”

“Four.”

“Pardon?”

“Four of us; Sammie shares it too.” Scully’s eyes widen. “But unlike us, she was born with it.”

She was silent for a few moments, collecting herself. He could only imagine what was going through her head. She looks over to his father who mumbles a quiet “DNA, Scully” to her. Her mouth makes an “oh” before turning back to him.

“The four of us share a similar genetic makeup, each at different stages. I was able to take the alien gene from both your mine and your father’s blood to develop a vaccine that would counteract the alien DNA in your blood that they were using to track you.” She pauses, running her hand through her hair. “And it worked.” She had a hint of a smile on her face, like she couldn’t quite believe that they had actually done it. “The Lone Gunman called us yesterday. Area 51 has been scrambling to find you. Their satellite is unable to pinpoint your location, and hasn’t been able to for over a week.”

He can’t believe it. He actually doesn’t. He wants to, but he can’t. He’s been running from people who do this kind of thing for so many years that it feels like he doesn’t know how to not be running from them.

He feels betrayed by Mulder and Dana. But they did it for all the good reasons. It was like he is sitting on a fence, looking in both yards, one a junkyard and the other a pool and a patio set. After so long in the junkyard, making the decision to go back to the luxury yard after so long is one of the hardest things he’s ever had to do. It’s not because he doesn’t want to; he wants to very much. It’s just that after so many years of looking over his shoulder constantly, strategically finding the warmest and safest places to sleep, and avoiding people in general, but specifically people he can get emotionally attached to, he has to learn how to let people in and help him again.

“Are you positive it’s working?” He asks, playing with the hem of his shirt. “I don’t want to place Sammie in anymore danger than I already have.” The little girl who was currently asleep in her crib is always at the forefront of his mind.

“Positive.” Mulder places his hand in his partner’s, interlacing their fingers.

“Then why do I still hear Sammie in my head?” The teen stood up, pacing the before his parents. He doesn’t give them a chance to answer, barreling on with his questions. “Do you know how hard it is to believe you? To believe anyone?”

“My motto was ‘trust no one’ for the longest time, so yeah I have an idea.” The older man smirks, watching the boy pace.

“Whatever happened to that?” He pauses his pacing for just a moment as he looks at the two.

The couple in front of him look deep in each other’s eyes. He fears he is intruding on another private moment. Mulder pries his eyes away from Scully’s to meet his sons. “I met your mother.” The sincerity in his eyes is intense and is ultimately what convinces him that they’re not just fucking with him or only giving him half the truth like some adults like to do.

“You make it sound like it’s some kind of fairytale. This is the real world.” A world where he had to grow up too fast. Why couldn’t of he been like the regular kids in his old school? He starts pacing again, his thoughts running wild.

The older two broke away from their locked gaze. “Fairytale or not, it’s the truth.”

“Get The Lone Gunmen on the phone. I want to see this data for myself.” He stops his pacing, and looks around the floor of the kitchen and then the living room. “Where is my computer? My phone?” Scully is the one who stands up to grab the electronics for him, wherever they had placed it, only to find that it had been in the same room he had left a mere hour before.

Walking back into the kitchen, he finds Mulder on the phone. He quickly plugs the laptop into the closest outlet before sitting at the table. “Uh, what’s the password to the internet?” He asks his mother.

“Queequeg.” She replies, going to the fridge to get a drink.

“What’s a ‘Queequeg’?” He was answered with a gasp.

Scully looks up from the inside of the fridge to stare flabbergast at him. “You’ve never read Moby Dick? The movie?” The teen shook his head. “It’s a character’s name. I named my dog after him.” He gave her a questioning look, thinking it was weird name for a dog. He was able to connect to the internet, finally using a secured network for the first time since his parents were killed.

“Hold up, I’ll put you on speaker.” Mulder finally says after moments of silence.

There was a lot of rustling over the phone as the boys on the other end got settled.

“Do you hear us alright Jackson?” Langley asks, the typing of the keyboard following his voice. The teen voices his confirmation. “I’m going to share my screen with you, we’re going to show you the results that the satellite in Area 51 has been picking up over the last three months.”

The teen works quickly at the computer, setting up the laptop to connect with the men on the island, just like he has done for the last few weeks of speaking with the three older man. “I’m ready.” He says, cracking his knuckles. Behind him, Scully pinches the bridge of her nose, trying not to scold her son for the horrible sounds.

“Alrighty then, let’s get cracking.”

It had only take a moment for the two computers to connect, flashing before his eyes was the list of data entries. “Mulder,” He says to his father, “I’m going to need a fresh map. Best to grab some thumb tacks, in a few different colours preferably. And yarn. I’d rather work with some visuals.”

“What’s your plan, honorary Gunman?” Frohike’s voice came over the phone, talking to the youngest in the room.

He didn’t see Scully throw her head back, staring up at the ceiling. “Oh brother.”

“We are going to map out my route using these cordnations.” He smiles, ready to start doing something productive since he started running.

***

Scully stares at the map before her. It was uncanny seeing the route her son had made throughout the United States. As he places each thumbtack, he explains to them what day it was, what he was doing, even what he had to eat that day, if he even ate at all. It pained her to hear the events that he had went through, to live the lifestyle of dead man, hiding from the world.

It reminds her too much of when Mulder was on the run. Now, she still worries for her boys’ safety as she did back then. Her feelings have not shifted in the slightest.

Behind her, Jackson was talking away with the boys and her partner. About what, she wasn’t sure, but the few laughs here and there were encouragement. Her son was finally relaxing enough around them to actually joke and laugh with them. Was is because they had set him free? Or was it because they were doing something together, as a family? Whatever it was, listening to Jackson enjoy himself made her heart swell.

“How far did you end up going?” The teen asks, typing away at the hardware before him. His fingers moving quickly against the keys. A lot fast than how his father can type.

“Far enough that I didn’t need to leave the continent, but I stayed close enough to your mother, that I could come to her at a moments notice.”

They were talking about how he was on the run, the first time. She didn’t have to listen to know what was being said. She had listened to the tales of his adventure multiple times in the past and no matter how many times she hears it again, it still stabs her in the heart a little bit. It always reminds her of her time without him, alone with their child. And in the end, giving up their child.

“Not to intrude on this discussion,” Frohike says over the phone, “but we are just finishing up here. After this, you’ll be free.”

“Really?”

“Really really.” She covers her mouth, tears threatening to spill. Her baby was nearly free from the horrors, free from having to spend his nights alone out in the cold. Finally free.

“Look, it’s not that I don’t trust you guys, but I need to see for myself.” Scully looks over her shoulder, her eyes meeting her partner’s, a silent conversation passing between their eyes. They agree that it’s only fair. It's the boy’s life after all.

The fast tapping of the keys fills the room, his eyes not leaving the screen as he pulls up the data for the restricted section of the government. After that, she was lost. This wasn’t her forte. She was Mulder’s personal google, not an IT whiz. All she knew is that her son was illegally hacking into Area 51, on his own, to search for himself.

The tapping stops for a moment, a low hmm escaping the teen before it starts again.

“Nothing.” He says, leaning back in his chair. “Not a trace of any of my aliases, my life, my medical records. They erased it all.” He starts the tapping again. “Not a single system in the government agency knows who I am.”

“We just need to give you a new name, and we’ll create a new you.” Langley piped in. “We also need to get a new photo of you, different enough that no one will recognize you.”

“I made sure that everyone who got a look at me was looking at someone different. Older, different features, race, anything to throw them off. I learned from my mistakes.” The teen comments, scrolling through the documents before him.

“You’ll need a haircut.”

The teen freezes, looking up from the screen. His hair had grown rather long, reaching his shoulders in the past two years of him being on the run. Scully could tell that Jackson wasn’t liking the idea, the ridged way he sits in his chair. “No.”

“Jackson,” Her voice was light, but the warning was there, “You just spent a week unconscious in a bed, plus you’ve been without a permanent home for over 2 years now. There’s no way you were able to get a regular haircut or take a shower. You need to clean up.” She commented on his stubble.

“I have nothing to clean up with. I’ve been on the run, or haven’t you heard?” She could hear the bitter in his tone, it was the same tone Mulder has used many times in the past.

“Yes you do.” Scully’s gaze darts from Jackson to Mulder who was sitting backwards in the dining room chair. “I got a new set for Christmas, works like a charm. Go use it. Clean yourself up.”

Jackson doesn’t say anything, he pushes himself away from the computer, the chair scraping against the floor. He walks out out of the kitchen and towards the upstairs.

“And take a shower!” The woman calls after him. She huffs when his only response is a ‘yeah, fine, whatever’ as she listens to his footsteps ascend the stairs.

***

Jackson stares at himself in the mirror.

They are right; he needs to clean up. He leans against the counter, staring into his own eyes, forcing himself to look away to do damage control on his appearance. His hair was greasy and a mess. He feels around his scalp, knowing his hair is matted at some place and grimaces when he finds it behind his left ear. His stubble is patchy and thin, but it still grows quicker than he expects. To put it simply, he looks homeless. Well, to be fair, he was. He lives in a tent in the middle of a wooded area in a small town that can only be described as “the middle of nowhere”.

He looks over to see his father’s razor sitting on the counter beside the toothbrushes. The sight reminds him that he hasn’t brushed his teeth properly in months. The kicked hygienic habit was enough to disgust him. But first, his hair needs to be done. Running his fingers through the knotted mess, he first decides to have a shower.

The water pounds on his back as he stands under the shower head. It was one of those special ones that has a detachable handheld shower head. He guesses his parents are catching up with the times. He fully expected them to have one of those rain showers that reaches all the places they can’t anymore because they’re old, something he would never say to his parents out loud. He’s seen what they can do to anyone who crosses them the wrong way and he doesn’t want to be on the receiving end, ever.

The muscles in the back of his neck start to loosen, the temperature of the water burning his skin. But he doesn’t care; he is properly getting clean for the first time in months.

Picking up the 2-in-1 shampoo that was on the side of the tub, he lathers his hair thoroughly, letting the shampoo set for a moment before rinsing it out. And just to be sure all the grime and grease was out, he washes his hair again. He stands under the shower head, laughing at the fact that he’s so tall that his hair almost brushing against it. And then he begins to process the boatload of information he has learned today.

He is free.

He has seen the proof with his own eyes. They can’t track him anymore. His days of running were over. He can finally breathe again. He steps forward, letting the water hit his back again, calming the twitch in his shoulder, probably from being bedridden for a week. Being in here is helping. He isn’t sure whether it’s the shower itself or being in the house with his parents and sister without a need to bolt, or a combination of the two. Whatever it is, it is greatly helping him to calm down.

When the water starts to get cold he finally turns off the shower and grabs a fresh towel off the rack. His heartbeat quickens as he towel drys his hair and then wraps it around his waist. He pulls back the curtain and steps out of the tub, onto the bath mat. He’s never cut his own hair before; his mom had always sent him to the barbers, each appointment done by the same man since he was 12. But here he was, standing in his parents bathroom, a large fluffy towel wrapped around his waist.

He holds out his hand for the razor, targeting the object with his mind, focusing purely on that what was before him. The vein in his neck throbs as he pushes his mind further, trying to pull the razor out of its stand and into his hand. Beads of sweat, or maybe it’s just water, rolls down his temple as he strains to use his powers once more. He knows he can do it, that injection can’t stop him. He is special. He is, dare he say it, alien.

“Fuck!” He swore, pounding his fist onto the counter. He can’t even move a small object. He hunches over the counter again, taking in deep breaths as he tries to control himself once again. After a few moments, he takes the razor in his hand.

If he is going to do this, he is going to do it right.

He grabs for the large head of the razor, fastens it, and placed a small towel over the sink like his dad use to do when he shaved. And for a safety measure, he places one on the floor at his feet. With the flick of a switch, the handheld starts to buzz. With a nervous glance into his mirrored eyes, he raises the tool and places it at the base of his neck. With a single swoop, a chunk of his hair was falling to his heels.

Jackson’s heart didn’t ease it’s pace as he continues to shear off his long locks, but actually increases. His head looks like a mess with each stroke, long strands of hair sticking out here and there. It was just never perfect. Not yet. He is known to obsess over the little things, but this was his hair, he wasn’t going to mess this up.

He lost track of time by the time he was satisfied with his appearance; his hair was short and he was finally clean shaven again. He was Jackson Van de Kamp again. For now at least. He just has to come up with a new name. A name that wouldn’t seem too suspicious. He has a lot of thinking to do. But that can wait, he has a new identity to learn.

Gathering his dirty clothes from the bathroom floor, he cleans up the mess he made before he makes his way to the bathroom door. With the clothing bundled in his arms, he peeks out the door, looking both ways before walking towards the guest bedroom that he has been inhabiting for the past week. He didn’t expect to find pair of jeans and an old Prince t-shirt laying on the bed, but there they were, with a note sitting beside it.

‘These are an old pair of your father’s clothes, hope they fit.’ - Dana

He read the note a couple times before placing it down again and started getting dressed. The jeans he had on were a little too big, it seems that when his father was younger, he still had bit more weight on him than he did now. But Jackson suspected that it was from his lack of eating for the past couple years rather than genetics. He lets go of the belt loops and the pants drop and hang off his hips, threatening to fall down completely. He looks down at his bare feet, the pants just hitting the floor at his heels. Flexing his toes, he grabs the t-shirt and pulls it on over his head before looking at the mirror in accomplishment. He is finally dressed in clean clothes in what feels like forever.

He sits on the bed to gather his thoughts, absentmindedly running his fingers through his now cropped, wet hair. This was something he's wanted for a while: to be clean, to be with his family, to be free. And here he was, with all of those things. Even though he still doesn’t fully trust Mulder yet, he is starting to feel that connection, however small that spark is.

Finally, he stands up, picking up the dirty laundry from the floor and walks barefoot to the main floor, back to his parents.

Voices could be heard from the kitchen as he made his way down the stairs. He decides to eavesdrop on their conversation as he’s already there anyway. He halts his movements and puts his ear to the wall. “How do we know she’s really ours, Mulder?” Her voice was panicked. “What if this was just another part of his scheme?”

“How? You were never alone with him this time.” He was calmer, more rational.

“I don’t know! We had went years with trying for another miracle, it took us 15 years to have Sammie.”

“Scully,” He paused. “You were barren, but that doesn’t make our children any less of a miracle. We’ve proven Jackson is ours, no matter what experiments that bastard had done to him. They both are ours.” Jackson could hear the stress in his voice, the plea that was wanting to come out.

“Bu-”

“Shh.” Everything goes quiet. The only thing that Jackson could hear was Sammie’s babbles to herself.

That is moment that he decides to make an appearance. “She’s yours.” He says walking around the corner. Mulder was the first one to look up.

“Pardon?” He doesn’t say anything for a moment as he walks into his father’s view. “Sammie was never an experiment. She will never have to go through the same thing I-I did.” His voice broke, remembering what he had went through. “She is more yours than I ever will be.”

Scully stepped out of Mulder’s embrace. “That’s not true, Jackson.” She says, taking a step towards her son. “You are our son, no one else's. But,” She paused taking in his appearance. “How’d you know?”

His smile was soft, barely even there. “Because, I just know. I have known for a long time. I’ve had my fears about that too, but after a while they were put to rest.” And if he had anything to do with it, he would make sure she was untouched for his whole life.

The room was silent for a long time, on the other side of the door, Sammie continues to play. After is felt like forever, Scully broke the silence. “Those clothes look good on you.”

“They, uh… They don’t really fit. Too big.” His mother nods. “I might need a belt, don’t want to lose my pants while just walking.” His smile grew into a smirk, laughing internally at the thought.

“Right.” She leaves the room, leaving the two boys alone.

Jackson shuffles his bare feet on the floor, then rubs him calf with his heel. “I’m surprised they fit.” He looks up to his father at his words. “I’ve had those jeans since before you were born. Kept them in case I needed them again.” He glances back down at the faded pair before flicking his eyes back up to him.

“The only reason they are long, is ‘cause they’re so loose.” A creek in the floor notes Scully’s arrival. They turn to greet her, their eyes drawing to a leather belt in her hand. “I feel it might be a bit big,” She says as she hands over the accessory. “It’s new after all.” He thanks the woman as he grabs it, his fingers brushing hers. He knew he wanted to ask her more, to get as much of this familiar feeling, the feeling of being home, to last as long as possible.

“I don’t want to be a burden,” He begins, “But may I do some laundry?”

***

Mulder watches his boy as he gathere some supplies and shoves them into his backpack. He is still in disbelief. His boy doesn’t say much as he pulls on the socks that he has borrowed, his pant legs an inch too short. That is another thing that he doesn’t believe; his son was taller than him. But he would take his son being taller than him and living with them over his son on the run who knows where anyday. But that also means having to pack up everything in the park.

“We don’t want to be seen.” The boy says, stuffing the laptop charger into the bottom of the bag. “Quick in and out.” He nods in understanding.

Mulder doesn’t say much as the boy flings the bag over his shoulder, walking towards the exit to pull on his shoes. “I’ll drive.”

Scully looks up from the floor where she sits playing with Sammie. She doesn’t have to say anything for him to receive her message. Be safe. He nods to her, grabbing his keys from the bowl at the front of the house.

The trip to the woods was quiet, almost an awkward silence, it made the drive a whole lot longer than it should have been. Finally he said something. “I could hear her since the first moment she cried.” Neither of them say anything after that. What could he say?

He didn’t know much about these powers that his son had. Yes, he had that brief episode of his life where he too could read minds, but it came at a price. “Every morning since then, I’ve woken up to her, cooing, laughing, even her babbles. I hear it all inside my head.” He continues. “She has been and will continue to be the source of my will to fight.” Out of the corner of his eye, he notice the boy turning to face away from him. “She’s my touchstone.”

Mulder understands all too well, as the boy beside him had been his own for a long time. For the longest time, the only things keeping him grounded were Scully and Jackson, knowing he was out there somewhere. Those days when he was alone, when his partner had left him behind, he constantly thought about his family that could have been.

But now, here he was. A father to two. A life partner to one. He wants nothing more than to be a family, a dream he has wanted since he… well, since he fell in love with one Dana Katherine Scully.

They pull into the parking lot closest to the wooded area. The two step out of the car scarily in sync. They take a quick but thorough look around the park to make sure they are alone before starting off toward Jackson’s makeshift home. Jackson took the lead, showing his father where he hid from the government. The tent was set up a good 30 minutes into the woods, truly testing the limits of Mulder’s stamina. How Jackson didn’t get lost is beyond him.

The tent is small, casually camouflaged into the green of the leaves around it. The boy opens it up, unintentionally releasing the stale smell of the outdoors that has been manifesting for a week. The floor is covered in dirty clothes and junk food wrappers. Mulder looks around for the sleeping bag before realizing he’s standing on it; the tent is very small.

“It’s not much, but it was home at some point.” Was the boy’s only comment. “It’s better than what I had started off with.” Jackson pulls the bag off his back and pulls a snack along with a trash bag. He opens the snack and takes a bite of it before focusing on the task at hand. He starts packing up his dirty laundry, marveling at how little of it he has; it definitely seemed like he had more while he was on the run. Beside him, Mulder starts to roll up the sleeping bag.

“I had left the country, was able to cross the border illegally. It’s where I hid for many months after you were born.” He didn’t know where those words came from, he didn’t expect to ever have to explain himself to his son. Where he was when he was still William. He knew he should stop talking but he can’t bring himself to stop the word vomit. “I had only seen you for three days before it happened.” He didn’t look over to the boy, his task was set before him.

“Yeah?” Was Jackson’s only response. He wasn’t sure if he was really interested what he was telling him.

“Your mom’s idea.” He grunted, tying the last strap of the sleeping bag down. “I was imprisoned the moment I got back, after you were adopted out.” He pauses. “I was too late.” Why was he still talking? Why was he opening up now to this boy?

He knows why. At least, he thinks he knows why, he wants to finally show his son his vulnerability. “Mulder…” Jackson says in the same tone as Scully when she is trying to reassure him.

“No, you need to hear this, Jackson. And I’ve been keeping it inside for way too long.” He presses, grabbing the tent bag. “If… If I never left, we would have never given up on you. Together, we could have fought for you to stay with us.” He stares at his son, angry tears threatening to spill. “It is all my fault.”

Jackson sits back on his feet, his hands dropping the t-shirt he had in his hand. “Mulder… I understand where you’re coming from. But,” He pauses, maybe Scully was right and Mulder really did have that dramatic gene. “I grew up with loving parents, and yet, all this still happened.” He stuffed his shirt into his bag. “So no, it’s not your fault. It’s theirs.” He says that last part with a disgusted tone.

Mulder watches the boy in silence, a protest on the tip of his tongue. “Okay, and maybe a little of my own fault.” He get out a huff of laughter, if Jackson was any younger, he would have ruffled his hair in affection. The inside of the tent was fully packed up, leaving the two to only take down the small tent together. They work as a team, putting the shelter away as quickly as they could, working in sync, as if they had done something like this a couple of times before. But they haven’t, something the Mulder has regretted for a long time. During the silence, he feels himself opening up to the boy. He just hopes Jackson feels the same way.

With the tent now put away in its bag, Mulder offers to help carry some of the supplies that Jackson shrugs onto his back. “No no, it’s good. I’ve got it.” The boy insists. Mulder could do nothing but nod, watching him. “I’m ready to go if you are.”

“I’m ready.” He stands up from his seat on a log. “Just one question, how do we get out of here?” Mulder looks around, his photographic memory getting lost in the trees that all look the same.

“This way.” Jackson lead the way out of the woods and back to the car, the 30 minute trip taking longer as the boy had to slow down for his father, whose stamina was failing him. “Hurry up slowpoke!” He laughs. “I bet Dana is wondering where we are about now.” Mulder huffs, gulping in deep breaths as he follows his son’s foot steps. In front of him, Jackson doesn’t flinch as a bird flies from its roost, calling out an alarm as it flew overhead, his steps never weavering. Every once in a while, he makes a comment on how his dad taught him to track. Or how a camping trip with his parents had turned out one rainy weekend when he was nine.

With each story, Jackson shows a little more of himself. And Mulder wonders, did Jackson trust him enough to say so much? Or was he just being polite?

Finally Mulder steps out of the woods and stumbles towards his car. He has never been more grateful to see this hunk of metal. Hunched over, he gathers his bearings, trying to remind himself to breathe through his nose. His son stands over him, his hands on his hips in typical teenage fashion. “Do you need an inhaler?” Mulder took that like a punch to the gut, glaring up at the taller boy in response. Jackson raises his hands in mercy. “It’s a joke.” But the smirk on his face didn’t help his case. “Let’s go home.”

***

“A road trip? To where?” Jackson asks from the floor, Sammie in his lap and he claps her hands along with the music playing from the toy in front of them.

His parents look at each other from their spot on the couch, cuddled up together as they watched their children. “To the Lone Gunmen. We are setting up your new life.” Scully says, her head resting on Mulder’s shoulder. “It’s only a few hours away, but they’ve hidden themselves on an island.” Interesting, now why didn’t he think of that two years ago?

“When are we leaving?” He asks, going back to paying attention to his sister.

“Whenever you’re ready.” He considers if it is truly worth it, going on his first drive with his parents. And it is, he decides, even though being around them is still a little strange and unknown. “Yes, I’m ready.”

Scully claps her hand on Mulder’s knee before pushing herself up and off the couch. “In that case, I’ll go pack Sammie’s diaper bag so we can get out of here.” She walks out of the room, and Jackson cuddles the baby close before moving to get up to go help her, but he pauses.

“Mulder,” He starts, the baby cradled in his arms as she plays with his nose. “You don’t think that me going to the The Lone Gunmen would jeopardize their position?” He presses his lips to the top of her head before handing Sammie over to her father who happily accepts her, tossing her in the air before cuddling her himself as he lays down on the couch.

“You being there won’t put them in any danger, trust me. If they can stop me from getting them found every time I visit their island, they can keep you from bringing unwanted guests.” Mulder says, the baby sitting on his chest as she plays with his own nose, the same nose as his son.

Jackson only nods at him in understanding. He truly doesn’t want to put his new acquaintances in a dangerous situation because of him, especially after they all have done for him. His mom always told him that first impressions were the most important. He never really thought much of this rule in the past but now that she was gone, he feels like he can honor her memory by following some of the lessons she taught him. Better late than never, he muses.

Jackson walks out of the living room and towards the upstairs to find Scully walking quickly out of one room and into another, something was bunched up in her hand. Ascending the stairs, he calls out to her. “Dana? Is there anything I can help with?”

“Wha- oh? No, not really.”

“Are you sure?” He asks, following her to Sammie’s room. “Nothing that needs to be put in the car? Nothing to grab from the fridge?” He doesn’t want to feel useless; he is itching to be doing something. “Please, let me help.” Scully stops what she’s doing and looks up into his eyes. She notices the need there and frowns before she gives in.

“Can you make us some sandwiches for the road? We’ll probably drive through lunch.” He lets out a breath of release. Finally something he can do to hopefully ease his twitching muscles that kept trying to tell him to run. To hide and protect himself.

“Thank you.” He whispers, heading back down the stairs, seeing Mulder flying Sammie around from his spot on the couch.

“And tell your father to get some bottles ready!” She yells down to him. He smirks, wondering if the man even heard his partner.

He makes his way to the kitchen rather quickly to get to work before he realizes something. “Um, Mulder?” He calls.

“Hmm?”

“What do I put on these sandwiches?” He can hear the man laughing to himself as he heads to the kitchen. And for a bit longer, his itch to flee disappears.

It takes another 30 minutes before the four of them are all packed up and in the car and heading back to the small island. Scully was right; they did drive through lunch, taking a 20 minute break to eat their sandwiches and stretch their legs.

“Hey, can I talk to you guys for a minute?” Jackson asks after they finish their sandwiches. Mulder and Scully had sitting at a picnic table at a rest stop and discussing the fastest way to get to the Gunmen’s hideout with Jackson sitting on the opposite side of the picnic table. That was put on the back burner when Jackson spoke up.

“Of course, honey. What’s up? Is everything okay?” Scully looks at him with concern, worried he might be sick or hurt.

“Oh, yeah nothing’s wrong. I just wanted to tell you guys something. These past couple years have been long and rough on both of our sides. I know you guys wanted me to have a better life than what you could give me at that time, which I understand and respect now that I have the whole story. I want you to know that I...I love you.” He looks at Mulder this time, his confidence growing with each word, “Both of you. And I want to be a part of this family. If you’ll have me, of course.” He looks down for a moment, scared they’ll reject him, forgetting for a moment that they’re driving three hours to get him a new identity. When he looks up, he sees that both of them have tears in their eyes and are gripping each other’s hands for dear life. Scully’s tears start to stream down her face as she nods, unable to speak.

Though Mulder looks to be right behind Scully in the crying department, he speaks up for the both of them.

“Of course, Jackson. We’d love nothing more than for you to be our son again, officially. And, we love you too. We never stopped.” That’s when Mulder follows Scully’s lead and let his tears fall. Jackson gets up from his seat and walks around to their side with Sammie on his hip. When they embrace him in a hug, that’s when his own tears begin to fall.

***

They’re on the road again before long and make it to The Lone Gunmen’s dock easily. They had called ahead this time and Langley and the boat are waiting for them when they arrive. Introductions are made as Scully and Mulder load their luggage onto the boat. Jackson takes his sister out of her car seat because she’s starting to get a bit fussy after being in the car for so long.

With Sammie on his hip, he brings her over to Langley, a man he’s only talked to on the phone.

“Hi, I’m Jackson.” He sticks out his free hand, thinking a handshake is the best way to introduce himself. He is very surprised when Langley goes in for the full hug instead, almost crushing him and Sammie with the force of it and almost making him lose his balance.

“You have no idea how great it to see you alive.” The man says, holding onto the teen for a few moments longer. “It’s been so long since we last saw you.” Langley lets go of the teen and leans down to Sammie’s level, cooing to her softly before calling to Mulder. “You ready to go?”

Mulder walks to the boat, his arms full, his partner beside him with the diaper bag over her shoulder. “Yeah, the car is empty.”

Jackson follows his parents to the small boat, watching as Scully climbs into the boat, loading it up with the items Mulder hands her. With everyone but himself and Sammie in the boat, Jackson hands his sister over to his mother before climbing in and taking a seat beside the two. The moment he sits down Sammie leans over, asking to be back in his lap. He happily accepts.

The ride to the island was longer than he expects. He keeps his mouth shut, not wanting to sound impatient as he wants to continue to ask “are we there yet?” He laughs to himself every time the question pops into his head; he wouldn’t be surprised if Scully thinks he is crazy.

By the time they arrive at the island, Sammie is fast asleep on his shoulder, her thumb tucked firmly in her mouth. Jackson follows Langley off the boat as Mulder and Scully gather the luggage, knowing he would be no help in carrying anything as his hands are already full. Langley steps in front of him, leading the way to the house hidden on the island. Behind him, Mulder and Scully quietly talk to one another, their voices too low to hear.

Sammie sleeps the entire walk to the house. Jackson takes in every tree as he passes, taking notes on the turns they made. Living on his own and on the run for years has forced him to develop an escape plan

. After winding through the trees and foliage for about 5 minutes they arrive at The Lone Gunmen’s home. Langley unlocks the five different locks on the front door, including a retinal, hand, and voice scan. Jackson is surprised at the amount of security the plain looking house has. His shock doesn’t diminish once inside. He knew these men were geeks before agreeing to go visit them, but the equipment inside the house made him downright giddy. He had begged his parents for this many electronics, but never had gotten them. His laptop, tablet, and phone seem like child’s play compared to the stock they have here. None of his personal electronics were strong enough to do as much hacking as he wished to do, but still enough to cause trouble.

Frohike chuckles to himself, a gesture that Jackson barely caught, as he was too busy walking around the room with his mouth wide open. “Like what you see, kid?”

He nods, his free hand running over the older electronics. “I’ve only seen half of these things in person and they were all in pawn shops and antique stores.” He misses Scully holding in her laughter at the expressions on the men’s faces. He looks around the room one more time, taking in the machinery, a smirk on his face. “Let’s get started.” With his free hand, he pulls his laptop out of the backpack on the floor beside the diaper bag and takes it to the couch.

Mulder notices Jackson’s trouble as he tries to set up the laptop with his sister in his arms, so he walks over to help him out a bit. A small whimper escapes the baby when he tries to pick her up, freezing the two in their spot. Jackson looks at Mulder and tries to convey what he needs him to do. Mulder understands immediately; silent conversations must be a genetic thing. He opens the laptop and places it on the couch. Jackson sits down next to the computer, cuddling his sister close to him and starts to pull up his notes that he made on his way to the island.

“Where do you want to start?” Byers asks cautiously, watching the two siblings.

“Hm?” The teen asks wondering what the man means. “Oh, uh, name I guess? You can’t create a story without having a name.” It feels surreal, talking about this, finally making it a reality.

He takes notice of Scully watching him carefully from the kitchen, her hands wrapped around a mug. He could almost feel her again, there inside his head. But he knew it wasn’t true, that she was no longer there. She can’t be. That part was taken away from him. It was just Sammie now.

“And?”

“And,” He echos, “I… I want to be a Mulder.” He manages to get out, not believing he was actually saying it outloud. Something smashes on the floor and he couldn’t help but lock eyes with his mother. This is it. It was the debate that plagued his mind the entire car ride down. And he made up his decision on the final boat ride to shore, locking it in during the walk through the woods. “Liam Mulder.”

The teary smile that grows on his mother’s face is contagious.

***

Creating a new life is exhausting and Scully knows it. But creating one this way was more taxing on the brain than the body. Having to think of every single detail was taking far too long, and she was so ready to be done. Part of her would rather go through a late-life pregnancy again than create a new person from the bottom up, especially when it means having to clear a teenager of a background check so he can hide from the men in black.

“You’re going to have to get your own passport the traditional way.” She comments on the teens conversation with his father.

“What do you mean? Can’t they make me one?” He points to the trio.

Scully shakes her head, putting her hands on her hips. “These guys don’t have the new technology to create what the passports look like nowadays. If this was 20 years ago, then maybe, but not now.” She remembers her own passport that is sitting in her nightstand beside her birth certificate, the peaked interest that she felt when she flipped through her new one compared to her old one, the difference of 25 years. “Trust me.”

That is all it takes to convince the teen, and it pulls at her heart. Here was her son, starting over from the beginning with a new family that he had never known he had been once apart of, taking her on her word. It’s all she had prayed for for the longest time. To have her son here, within arms reach, trusting her.

“If I promise to take my GED, can I still declare that I’m a high school dropout?” Jackson jokes, watching Byers type in some information into the Saint Paul the Great Catholic High School database. “Hey, give a guy a break! I did not deserve that D- in History!”

“You did if you skipped that class every week.”

Jackson glares at the man before he gives in. “Fair.” His tongue pokes out between his lips for a moment, soothing his dry lips. “So, can I?” He looks up at her, his hazel eyes locking on her blues. She gets caught up, looking into the identical eyes of her partners. “Dana?

She blinks a couple times to bring herself back, reminding herself that this is her son. Her son who just told her that he loves her, that he wants to be part of their family again. “Yes, but only if you promise to do it once you get all your identification: birth certificate, passport, and driver's license.” She was strict and she knows it; that part of her will never change. At least now she had someone else to use it on beside Mulder.

He was quick to agree, a little too quick. She suspects that he is either eager to start his new life, or he really wants his driver’s license. Whatever his reasoning, she is pleased to see him happy with the new rule.

Before her, the four boys were hard at work while Mulder feeds Sammie behind her. In all honesty, she and Mulder are only there for suggestions; it was the life of Liam Mulder that was being created, a 19 year old teenage boy. And it was Jackson’s job to decide what he had done growing up. She drops her head into her hands when a thought crosses her mind. “Please tell me you didn’t drop out to do drugs.” Please, oh please, she pleas to herself.

All her hopes flies through the air when he gives an all knowing smirk. “Trust me Dana, I didn’t drop out because of that. Let’s just claim I dropped out cause I was given a full-time position at my part-time job?” Ok, maybe there is some hope.

“We’re going to need to put in some employment history then.” Langley comments, his fingers already flying across the keyboard.

“You’re going to need to get a job anyway. Might as well get started on your resume.” She raises her brow at him, her arms folded across her chest now.

“Deal.”

***

Many hours have passed since they first sat down to start working on Jackson’s new identity. They lost track of time somewhere around the 5 hour mark. Everyone had been asleep besides Mulder and Frohike, as Mulder rarely sleeps through the night and Frohike isn’t human.

By the time they start to regain their senses, Sammie is passed out on the bed with pillows surrounding her. Spaghetti bowls are littered throughout the living room from their dinner, and they were finally on the last page of his new life.

Jackson is almost shaking with nerves, chewing on his bottom lip as he watches the Gunmen fill out the final pieces of his new life. It is finally coming to an end. A shiver goes down his spine just thinking about it.

He’ll finally be a Mulder for the first time in his life. After learning that he had been born a Scully, he knew that he couldn’t go back to his birth name. There had been a record of him at one point in his life, and he didn’t want to take the chance. But now, he got to be his father’s son, and not just his mother’s like he had been for the first nine months he had been alive. But the beginning life of William Scully didn’t go to waste; it was just the trickle of a stream that was able to turn into the river that is called Liam.

“And that’s that.” Byers says as Langley hits the enter key on the keyboard. “Liam Jackson Mulder is officially born.”

Mulder wraps his arm around Scully, gazing softly at their son. A smile grows on the teen’s face. Every part of his body is screaming at him to run up to his parents and pull them into a hug. He holds back, but just barely.

He feels as though a lifetime’s worth of stress and burden has been lifted from his shoulders. He is completely free.

***

Eight months later…

Now at two years old, Sammie runs like a track star, dodging her big brother as he chases her around the park. Little did the toddler know that Jackson is missing her on purpose. She squeals in delight as she thinks she’s outrunning him. The decibel of her squeals increase the moment he swings her into the air and lands in his arms. “Heya Sammie girl.” He laughs, walking towards his parents who are sitting side by side under a large tree.

“Are you going to spend your entire vacation hiding under the shade?” He asks his mother who watches him from under her sunglasses.

“You are forgetting one thing,” She pulls the glasses up just a little so he can see her eyes. “I’ll burn to a crisp if I stay out in the sun for more than five minutes. Going out into the sun must be a planned event.” She pulls the glasses back down to her eyes, most likely closing them.

“Then Florida was a bad choice for our first vacation as a family.” He laughs, lightly dropping Sammie on the picnic blanket and hands her a PB&J made especially for her.

From his spot on the blanket, his father speaks up for the first time in a while. “Well, we wanted to do something to congratulate you on getting your GED and your license.”

“And a week in the Sunshine State was your answer to that?” He takes a bite out of his own sandwich.

“We can always take you back home with your sister, and Scully and I can come back and enjoy our vacation time.”

Jackson pretends to think about it for a minute before smiling to his family. “Nah, I think I like it here.” Scully falls back and laughs, her head falling back and hitting the tree behind her. It feels good to see his mom fully let go, something he hasn’t seen her do for a few weeks now. He knew her part time position at the FBI took so much out of her last time she went in, something that he had overheard his parents talk about one night when he got up. Everyone knows that Scully’s laugh is contagious so when she starts, Mulder can’t help but join in, followed by Jackson.

And as if this moment isn’t perfect enough, Jackson watches as Sammie starts laughing too. Her laugh sounds like bells and it might just be the most perfect sound he’s ever heard.

This is Family, Liam Jackson Mulder thinks contentedly as he watches his parents role on the grass and holding their guts, laughing for no reason at all.

[mldrgrl]

Not Again: Part 2

by: mldrgrl Rating: PG13 Summary: See Part 1

Part 2: Returned Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9

Chapter 10, Day 19:

Doggett’s eyes don’t heal enough to leave the hospital the next day, so Mulder doesn’t leave either.  He comes home the following morning and calls Scully after he lands, letting her know Skinner has summoned him and Doggett to a meeting and he’ll stop by later.

It’s almost dark when he finally shows up, his suit rumpled and tie askew.  He kisses her rather chastely on the lips when she lets him in, but still it makes her ears and cheeks burn.  She needs time to adjust to Mulder the lover, time to reprogram her brain to accept affection without feeling feverishly nervous about it.  Unaware of the heated state he’s put her in, he flops down on her couch and lays his head back to look up at the ceiling.

“What’s going on?” she asks, easing herself down onto the couch beside him.

“Kersh has been formally indicted,” he answers.  She doesn’t expect him to gloat about it, Mulder doesn’t gloat, but she doesn’t expect such a neutral reaction to the news either.  He’s almost sullen.

“What’s wrong?”

“The units under Kersh are being reassigned, obviously.  The x-files are in jeopardy again.”

Scully reaches over and puts her hand on Mulder’s arm.  “We’ve won that fight before.  We can do it again.”

“When you remembered the crop circles in England, do you remember talking to me about signs and fate when I got back?”

She shakes her head.  “I don’t believe in fate.”

“You did that night.  Anyway, maybe it’s a sign.”

“Of what?”

“Of what's been coming for awhile now.”

“What are you saying?”

Mulder turns his head towards her.  His eyes flicker between her face and her abdomen.  She squeezes his arm.

“Mulder?”

He takes a deep breath.  “I asked Skinner if I could take a leave of absence to figure some things out,” he says on his exhale.  “Doggett asked to remain on the files until their fate is determined.  Reyes is going to fill the vacancy my absence opens.”

Scully never imagined Mulder would voluntarily leave the x-files, and certainly not in the hands of someone else.  She’s stunned into momentary silence and her eyes fill with tears.  She looks away and wipes her knuckle against the corners of her eyes.

“What’s wrong?” Mulder asks.

“Are you doing this because you think it’s what I want?”

“Yes.  No.  I know you can’t remember, but we had a conversation about this just days before you left.  It was the last conversation we had, really.”

“About you leaving?”

“About...the future.”

“Mulder, this has been your life.”

“Exactly.”  Mulder nods.  “Exactly.  There is more to life than this.  For me, for you...for us.”

“Are you asking me to leave as well?”

“I think I’m just...I’m asking you to have a conversation about our options going forward.”

“I don’t…”  

Scully shakes her head, at a loss for words.  Mulder has put her in a place that she can’t even remember being in.  She’s not quite sure what he’s asking for or what he means when he says options.  If she could only remember a shred of what it was like to be with him, or what her state of mind was six months ago, it would help immensely.

“Are you telling me this was something I wanted?” she asks.

“I don’t know what you wanted, actually.  We would be finishing a conversation from months ago.”

“One I don’t remember.”

“I know.  I know, but…”

“Are you talking about leaving the x-files or the FBI altogether?”

“Probably the FBI altogether.”

“I don’t understand.  I really don’t.”

“Can you tell me the loss has been worth it?  My sister, your sister, your...daughter.  Countless innocent people spanning decades.  And we’re just two people tilting at windmills.”

Scully looks down at her swollen belly.  She can’t say she would trade the life of her sister for her unborn child, but if she were to erase a piece of her past, she may not have what she has now.  What’s done is done, they can’t go back, they can only go forward.

“Can you live with knowing there is evil in the world and though you’re capable of stopping it, you won’t?” she asks.  “I know you, Mulder.  I know what it would do to you to sit passively while the world falls apart.”

“It would be trading one burden for another, I agree.”  He takes another glance at her middle.  “But, it’s safer.”

She clasps her hands over the swell of her stomach.  “How do you know?  You think if we leave, it’ll end?  We’ve seen too much and we know too much.  The x-files might be our best source of protection one day.”

Mulder turns his head to look back up at the ceiling.  She just had this argument with her mother, she can’t believe she’s having it now with Mulder.  At the very least, he’s not questioning her capabilities.  He sighs deeply and then stands.

“Maybe you’re right,” he says, pinching the bridge of his nose and shaking his head.  “I still need to think about things.”

“Mulder?”

“I’ll call you later, okay?”

“You’re leaving?”

“Yeah, I...I do my best thinking alone in the dark.”

“I can turn out the light.”

He snorts and lets his hand drop from his face.  His fingers dangle close to her, but then he closes his hand into a loose fist and turns away.  It takes her too long to get up from the couch to stop him.  He’s out the door before she makes it to her feet.

“Damn,” she whispers.

*****

He calls her less than half an hour later, not even enough time for him to get home.  She lets it ring three times before she answers, even though she’s had the phone in her hand since he left, just waiting.

“Don’t say anything,” he says.  “I try to keep telling myself that it’s enough that you’re back, but I don’t want to go back to how we were before we were us.  You may not be able to remember, but I’m unable to forget what it was like to have you for four months and to have been happy.  I think the only thing that’s kept me going for so long is you.  Yes, I want the truth about a lot of things, but now I want what we’ve been fighting for everyone else in this world to have.  Security, happiness, love.  I wanted you to walk away from it when we were in Oregon, but I wanted to walk away with you.  If you say you want to stay, I’ll stay.  I just want you to know that my heart isn’t in the casefiles right now, my heart is with you and with our baby.  That’s all.”

There are hot tears sliding down Scully’s cheeks, which she wipes away with one hand.  She tries to be silent and not to let Mulder hear her crying through the phone.  When he stops speaking, she licks her upper lip and swallows hard.

“You don’t know what it was like,” he says in a near whisper.  “Watching you disappear in front of me, not being able to stop it, finding out you were pregnant, and then spending six months not knowing if I’d ever see you again, let alone the baby.  I resented every single case I had to work on that wasn’t yours.  I hated myself for not being able to spend every waking minute searching for you.”

“Stop,” she murmurs, voice bubbling with a sob.

“And for you to come back and not remember we’ve shared and what’s been the happiest, most treasured and precious relationship I’ve ever had, is probably the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.  When I look at what I’ve lost, I have to include us on that list as well.”

“Stop,” she says again.

“I don’t want to upset you, but I can’t let another conversation go unfinished.”

She takes short, shallow breaths.  Her chest aches and her ribs ache.  The baby kicks her in the side so hard that when she squeezes her eyes shut, she sees stars.  She has a sudden vision of sitting next to Mulder on his couch, slumped towards him while she stares drowsily at her stocking feet, propped up on his coffee table.  His gravelly voice mumbles softly in her ear: I just find it hard to believe.  Her voice slurs a reply: What part?  His tone is amused: The part where I go away for two days and your whole life changes.

“What happened the weekend with the crop circles?” she asks.

“You had a vision of the different roads your life could have taken and decided they all led to exactly where you were.”

“Is that the weekend we…”

“Yeah.”

“I need to think about things too.”

“Good night, Scully.”

“Night, Mulder.”

She hangs up the phone in turmoil.

*****

[alldolleduppink-blog]

Tangerines

Season 1      Season 2      Season 3      Season 4      Season 5

Season 6 Mulder checked that the small citrus fruit he carried in the pocket of his overcoat was still there. He had grabbed it on a whim on his way to work that morning from the market a few blocks away from the Hoover building.

The good intentions of the store owner had added to his tardiness but Mulder had insisted he keep the one dollar bill he handed him in exchange for Scully’s favorite fruit. The old man had stared at him, mouth agape, wondering why anyone would pay that much for a tangerine. He didn’t have time to wait for seventy-two cents in change because he just wanted to get to work, to see Scully.

The tangerine would hopefully be in her possession before she got borrowed to help another department. That’s how it was lately if they weren’t knee deep in cases over fertilizer. It was a total load of horse manure that he couldn’t get the X-Files back after what had transpired over the summer. He and Scully had handed their case for their reinstatement, including the proof of the alien virus in the bee that stung her, only to have his life’s work handed to two people that would be set to destroy it. More so, he hoped Scully was as adamant and willing as he was to get back to their basement office.

The elevator didn’t offer the usual solace that it did. The other agents huddled towards the opposite corners casting side glances in his direction.

“Rough night, Spooky?” an agent he didn’t recognize mocked as Mulder exited the elevator to the sixth floor.

“I didn’t know little green men took swings at people,” another agent added as the elevator doors shut behind him.

The punch to the face he had received for kissing the 1939 version of Scully was healing nicely but it was still slightly noticeable.

“Gray,” he muttered already feeling like this Monday had gone on long enough. He had to find Scully and fast.

His hope renewed itself when he saw a flash of familiar auburn hair among the sea of employees. He tried to catch up to her but the obstacle course of bullpen members slowed him down. All too quickly, his hopefulness was dashed when he spotted the same redhead go into the women’s restroom.

Dammit.

“Looking for the missus?” a cheerful voice offered from behind which Mulder ignored with a slight groan when he recognized who it was. “She’s down the hallway.”

Agent Caswell was the type to utilize Mulder when he needed something such as fodder for office gossip or a profile on a subject. His intentions for a friendly rapport were transparent and shallow.  Caswell called him Spooky behind his back and lived in the camp that believed Mulder and Scully were sleeping together.

It was a rumor that Mulder would gladly make truth. What had happened, or what had not happened, outside his hallway kept him up at night and further ignited the fervor of his fantasies. However, returning from their ordeal and not addressing what had almost occurred showed just how complicated things were between him and his enigmatic partner. People like Caswell wouldn’t understand that what he had and felt for Scully wasn’t just about sex. If he ever found the opportunity to get Scully into bed, he expected it to be forever. She was his ‘happily ever after.’

“Hallway you said?” Mulder repeated pointing to his left and the other man nodded as if the information would be leading Mulder to a tryst with Scully in that instant. He glared at Caswell for his misconstruing of the facts about them. “Thanks.”

He made his way down the hall and scooped the tangerine out of his coat pocket in anticipation. His hand covered it whole so there was still an element of surprise. His eyes darted all over the place searching for her but turned up nothing. He glanced down and made a face at the fruit in his hand as if it would offer further instruction to her whereabouts. Suddenly he came into contact with someone else as their shoulders collided.

“Oh!” exclaimed a woman’s voice but it didn’t belong to the one he was looking for. “Fox, is everything alright?”

Diana Fowley looked more than happy to see him yet attuned to his agitated state. Mulder didn’t have time to exchange pleasantries.

“Yeah,” he provided hurriedly. “Have you seen Scully?”

“Has she still not been able to find you?” she noted with a slight laugh. “She made quite a scene on Thursday.”

Mulder narrowed his eyes pensively and excitement coursed through him at the thought that during this whole time Scully was just as eagerly searching for him.

“She made a scene?” he asked with a smile playing on his lips.

“She barged into Kersh’s office, threatened Agent Spender and A.D. Skinner scolded her outside an elevator,” she said with another laugh. “It was all anyone was talking about on Friday.”

“Oh, that’s funny she didn’t mention anything when we-,” he started but decided he didn’t want to get into the details of his hospital stay.

She narrowed her eyes at him. “When you…?”

He shrugged slightly indicating that he wasn’t going to add anything else.  

“With the way she behaved, I doubt you can get the X-Files back,” she reproached.

“It’s my fault,” he defended right away. “She’s my partner and Scully was only trying to help me. She’s always had my back and if it weren’t for her-”

“I only have your best interest in mind,” she cut him off. Her hand reached for his but came into contact with the tangerine instead. “What’s this?”

He tossed the fruit up in the air and caught it with the same hand. “A tangerine.”

She crossed her arms over her chest and looked irritated at him for stating the obvious. He shrugged and made a face at her indicating that she was the one who had asked.

“Since when do you like those?” she questioned and there was another hint of disapproval in her tone.

That summed up their relationship in the past perfectly. She wouldn’t question the things that would challenge him where it counted but rather personal things like his taste in beer, clothes, and now fruit. They were the type of things that reminded him of the accusatory look in his father’s eyes as well as the disapproving but altogether indifferent expression from his mother when he told them he was joining the FBI.

“They’re sweet and I’ve been told the Vitamin C is good for my health.”

Diana stared back at him with a frown. “Fox, the only fruit you consume is the kind that comes in a plastic jug.”

He furrowed his brows in displeasure that she still recognized these type of relevant details about him. He hoped that the same things he knew about her could still be applied or his plan to get the X-Files back was doomed. He enjoyed a cup of orange sugar water now and then but he had changed in other aspects of his life. He was no longer the shell of a man she left behind for better prospects of a career. Mulder still didn’t have his sister and he had lost his life’s work, but he was a whole person now.

“It’s just,” he began but paused to gather his thoughts. He couldn’t forget the smile on Scully’s face and the look in her eyes when she shared why tangerines were her favorite. The fruit had been part of another treasured exchange with her father when she was a child. She had decided to let Mulder in with that little ounce of information and he valued it wholeheartedly. “Great things come in small packages.”

He tucked the tangerine back in his coat pocket and took a step to show he was returning back to his search.

“Your eye,” she interjected and touched the bruise. “Fox, what happened?”

Mulder winced from her touch and at hearing his given name one too many times in such a short period.

“It’s a long story.”

Diana reached for his hand again and began to speak when he noticed the undeniable profile of his partner by the elevator.

“Scully!”

She pressed the button on the wall and turned in his direction, their eyes making contact. He whizzed past Diana and reached her side feeling slightly out of breath at finally having been able to find her. His hand gently grasped Scully’s elbow before reaching its destination at the small of her back. He led them inside the elevator as its open doors welcomed only the two of them.

“What was that about?” she asked curiously but there was a tension in her tone and she slightly raised her chin upward.

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you,” he teased. He reached into his pocket and opened his hand with a similar flourish in which a magician would reveal a magic trick. “Tangerine?”

As of late, Scully had been on a bee pollen and yogurt kick and he couldn’t understand the need for that. Without the privacy that their old office provided she tended not to bring food with her and instead opted for the little cafe a few blocks away from the Hoover building.

“Thank you,” she said and looked into his eyes as she took possession of the little orange.

The expression on her face softened and he felt like he was going to get a gold star. She ducked her head and smiled, her lashes fanning over her eyes. He might as well have offered her a bouquet of flowers because it was the same reaction. It was endearing that a woman as intelligent, beautiful, and independent as she still managed to be so modest and unassuming when it came to personal things. This wasn’t the first time he brought her something that wasn’t a case file and she always reacted with a hint of ‘you shouldn’t have.’ He found it hard to believe that she wasn’t fully aware that she was constantly on his mind. At this point, saying I love you was an obvious indicator but apparently not for Scully.

“I’ve been looking all over for you. Where are you headed?”

“To meet with Agent Orosco,” she replied. “She wants to discuss the results of an autopsy.”

“Oh, she’s the one who just had…”

“Yes. A little girl,” she confirmed in a wistful tone. “It looks like I might be helping her out with her case for a few days.”

Mulder nodded and quickly decided on a plan to spend more time together.

“When do you think you’ll be done with Agent Orosco?”

“I’m not sure. Why, Mulder?”

“There’s something in Nevada I was hoping we could look at,” he said lightly as though she wouldn’t make the connection to Area 51 and government offices.

“Area 51?” she asked.

“Scully…” he whispered proudly.

“Mulder,” she intoned letting him know that this wasn’t a good idea.

“Just outside of Area 51,” he bartered.

She raised a skeptical eyebrow but her curiosity was evident. He wrapped his fingers around her wrist. When she didn’t pull away, he felt extremely grateful.

“I need you with me, Scully. As you can see I can’t be left to my own devices or…” He held up his hands in surrender and made a face indicating that he would be a goner if she didn’t come along. She looked up at him with uncertainty but he could tell she was close to complying. She licked her lips and his heart sped up. He needed to entice her further. “I’m sure there will be science things that need your attention.”

“Okay.”

“Yeah?” he asked but continued before she could change her mind. “I’ll pick you up at seven on Wednesday. I need to sort a few things with a contact but it should be fun.”

@ficlibrary  @today-in-fic

[sunflowerseedsandscience]

Someday Your Child May Cry

Previous: Question | Preparations | Irrational | Confession | Collateral | Thoughtless | Interrupted | Recovering | Irresponsible | Possibility | Devastation | Confrontation

13. Generous

To Mulder’s intense relief, the Gunmen are exactly as sympathetic and supportive as he had promised. They’re happy for Scully, thrilled she might not be denied a shot at motherhood after all, and awed by Mulder’s decision to try and help her conceive.

“Way cool, man,” is all that Frohike has to say, and the other two nod enthusiastically.

They set up the bank account immediately, under the names Joshua and Alicia Lowell, since Mulder is relatively convinced that his George Hale alias has probably been overused to the point of longer being an option. The fake identifications will take longer, but since Scully needs to finish recovering before they can take their next shot, the wait is not an issue.

Langley volunteers some additional, unexpected information: his younger sister, who also lives in DC, had undergone fertility treatments two years ago. She’s now the mother to a set of healthy twin girls. Langley retreats to another room to call her, and returns with the contact information for a Dr. Nyana Sabarwal, for whom his sister nothing but praise.

And so, weeks later, they’re back on the roller coaster, only this time everything seems a thousand times more intense, because it’s their last shot at this. Or, at least, Scully believes that it is, because Mulder is very determinedly not mentioning his plans to pay for all future attempts, should this one not pan out. He’d gone alone to pick their fake identification up from the Gunmen, and while there, he had given them instructions to transfer a significant chunk of his father’s money into the new account. He sees no need to begin the conversation with Scully unless it becomes necessary though; he doesn’t want her dwelling on the idea of this round not working.

With Scully still recovering from her gunshot wound, they aren’t sent back into the field even after she returns to work. The dull routine of background checks is helpful when she’s still in pain, but once she’s better, once the embryo transfer is complete and the waiting game has begun, the lack of distraction quickly becomes a problem. Scully is jumpy and irritable with the other agents in the bullpen, who thankfully put it down to physical discomfort from having been forced to come back to work before she had fully healed.

At noon on the day before Scully’s appointment to take a pregnancy test, Diana Fowley stops by the bullpen.

“Agent Scully,” she says, an enormous, sappy (and clearly fake) smile on her face as she looks down at Scully, who watches her distrustfully. “It’s so good to see you back! How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine, thank you,” says Scully stiffly. Diana exchanges the fake smile for a genuinely warm one as she turns to Mulder.

“Fox,” she says, “I just stopped by to see if you’d like to join me for lunch.” Behind Diana, Mulder catches sight of Scully hunching her shoulders slightly. 

“Actually, Scully and I were about to go out to eat in a few minutes,” he replies. Diana waits, probably for Mulder to invite her to go along, which would probably be the polite thing to do. But right now Mulder is in the business of keeping Scully’s stress levels as low as possible, and while he’s not entirely sure why, Diana Fowley clearly pushes his partner’s buttons. Forcing Scully to sit across from her while she’s trying to eat- something he’s had to cajole her into doing, thanks how nervous she’s been- seems like cruel and unusual punishment.

 “Well... maybe later this week,” then,” says Diana uncertainly, clearly confused by the lack of invitation from Mulder. He doesn’t miss the brief glower that flashes across her face as she watches him helping Scully with her coat, but he can’t dwell on it now. He’ll apologize later, but for now, he’s more concerned with getting Scully out of here before Diana asks some awkward question about how the IVF is going, just to get back at him for excluding her.

Wait a second, he thinks to himself as he walks out of the bullpen, hand at the small of Scully’s back. Diana wouldn’t do that, would she?

He realizes that he’s not sure, not anymore. Six years is a long time to be completely out of touch with someone. And as is evidenced by Mulder’s excitement over the idea of having a child with Scully, a person can change a great deal in six years.

------------------------------------

Mulder had been planning on leaving early to accompany Scully to find out whether or not the last round of IVF had taken, but less than five minutes before they’re due to leave, Kersh strides into the bullpen to place an assignment on Mulder’s desk, to be completed by the end of the day.

“I can just blow it off,” he hisses to Scully, once Kersh has left, but she shakes her head adamantly.

“He’s already pissed at you for running off to New York without permission when I got shot,” Scully whispers back as she gathers up her things. “We can’t afford for you to be any further from his good graces now, when there could be all sorts of awkward questions flying around in a few months.” He gives her a tight grin.

“Let’s hope so,” he says. “I’ll head to your place as soon as I’m done here, okay?” Scully nods, doing her best to make it seem as though she’s not nervous, trying to hide how badly she wants to change her mind and tell Mulder to forget about the assignment and come with her, because she doesn’t think she can take sitting in that office without him by her side if it’s bad news again.

And, of course, it is. She tells herself, the entire drive home, in the elevator up to her apartment, and while Mulder tries his best to comfort her, that it was foolish to hope for this, that it’s for the best, really, that her life is ill suited for motherhood, that at least now she won’t have to worry about this destroying her partnership with Mulder.

Mulder, however, is nowhere near as ready to let this go as Scully is pretending to be.

"Never give up on a miracle," he says gently, holding her to his chest. She tries to kiss him, but with the tears obscuring her vision, she misses, and her lips hit the corner of his mouth, instead.

"Mulder," she says, leaning against him, "it's not that I don't appreciate the sentiment... but this is it. I can't afford another attempt." He draws back and leans his forehead against hers.

"Let me pay for it this time, Scully," he says. “I have the money. In fact, I have enough money to try as many times as you want.” Her eyes widen.

"I can't ask you to do that," she says.

"You're not asking me to do it," he says. "I'm asking you to let me. It’s my father’s money, Scully, the money I inherited when he died. And considering its possible origins... I don’t feel right spending it, not unless I’m using it to somehow undo the damage caused by the people who helped him earn it.” Understanding dawns on Scully’s face.

“Would that include private planes to Antarctica and Sno-Cat rentals?” she asks. 

“Absolutely,” he says. “Please. I really want this, Scully."

"I know you wanted to do this for me, but Mulder, you're not under any obligation to-"

"You're not hearing me, Scully," he says. "I know I’m not obligated. I want to do this. I want it to work so badly and I’m not willing to give up yet.” He cups her face in his hands. “Just one more, Scully. Please? If you decide it’s too much after that, if you don’t feel like you can go through it again, then fine, we’ll stop... but Scully, please don’t let money be the reason you let go of this dream.”

He is her partner in this, as he is in everything else, Scully thinks to herself. He’s completely sincere in his willingness to do this, she can tell... and with a sigh, she decides, for once, to allow herself to accept his help.

“All right, Mulder,” she says. “One more time.”

She thinks that the smile that lights up his face will stay with her for the rest of her life.