#all I gotta say to people who think RL counts as a true win: do u rlly believe that if Cleo were close to winning next season she should let
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I really wanted Jimmy to win Real Life after what he went through in that cave but his death scream absolutely makes up for the fact that he died
#trafficblr#real life smp#life series#I will say the fandom would be no offense insufferable if he did win so.#ppl would be like âyou stupid canary curse truthers are trying to take away his win just because you want him to die first always!â#when itâs like âTHATS NOT A REAL WIN đ THIS ISNT A REAL SEASON đâ#like Iâm already facing this problem with Cleo being a winner it would just be a million times worse if Jimmy won#all I gotta say to people who think RL counts as a true win: do u rlly believe that if Cleo were close to winning next season she should let#someone else do it because she âalready wonâ? do you REALLY think RL is an adequate win that she would be hogging all the wins by winning an#actual season?#anyways ignore these tags this is about Jimmyâs fnafjumpscare scream
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My 2020 reviews
All the cool kids were doing these so now I finally dragged my ass into doing them too lmao.Â
Albania- Fall from the Sky
A song I swear cursed this whole contest from the moment it won Festivali i KĂ«ngĂ«s. Like with the shitshow this song caused I just knew the whole year was fucked. With half the fandom whining they didnât get their first club song of the year to the other half smugly shoving it as their winner despite no other songs being around to compare it to, the whole fiasco just left me knowing that 2020 would end in tears, just hopefully not my own. As for the song, itâs lame. Itâs a standard ballad with OBSCENE amounts of autotune, which is weird because the girl can actually sing pretty decently without it, so why they decided to make her sound like a damn computer is beyond me. And WHY did they translate it, haven't the past few years proven that Albania's better off leaving their songs in Albanian?Â
Armenia- Chains on You
A bootleg Ariana Grande song, and a really shit one at that. The kind of song only people who think being young, gay and mean counts as having a personality would say is good.
Australia- Donât Break Me
One of the few decent Australian entries (but that REALLY isnât saying much coming from me, I barely care theyâre in the contest by this point) but marred by a horribly untidy performance and lacklustre lyrics. At least itâs not fucking pop-opera, thatâs all I can say. Iâd rather listen to the sound of my face being dragged down the runway at Heathrow airport than be subjected to another Zero Gravity.
Austria- Alive
One of those pseudo-jazz dance songs, ĂĄ la Olly Murs or Bruno Mars (I swear thereâs a song like this in every recent contest). I mean, itâs good, but itâs just kinda meh since Iâm kinda getting tired of this genre rearing its fedora-wearing head every time a new lineup rolls in.
Azerbaijan- Cleopatra
One of the âbetterâ trashy entries this year, comprised of about five different musical genres, six ancient cultures being appropriated and absolutely zero class. Probably sounds at least 50% better when youâre absolutely steaming drunk and face down on the floor in the middle of a gay bar.
Belarus- Da Vidna
Somehow, this song sounds both very unique and original yet trite and average at the same time. I couldnât decide whether listening to it was a new experience or if Iâd heard it a million times before.
Belgium- Release Me
A song which just drones on till it ends. I would say itâs ripping off the song that won last year, but it forgot that having a chorus stops your song from being three minutes of snooze.
Bulgaria- Tears Getting Sober
A typical breathy mumble-girl song, AKA a genre I canât fucking stand. Really donât see the hype with this one, the melody is pretty but the vocals are out for lunch and itâs otherwise completely and utterly boring.
Croatia- Divlji Vjetre
One of the token big dramatic ballads you listen to once, enjoy, then forget about until Darius in the Discord server plays it one night whilst youâre hitting up the radio bot with requests. Youâll find that ânice, but forgettableâ is a common theme for this year.
Cyprus- Running
Ironically Cyprus didnât send a crappy Fuego knockoff for 2020, and I say ironically because a crappy Fuego knockoff wouldâve actually stood out this year, and I say crappy because honestly Fuego wasnât even all that great to begin with. "Runningâ itself is just one of those edgy tortured soul pop songs which, letâs be honest, would have been paired with an impressive performance which wouldâve overshadowed how bland it is. Kind of like âYouâre the Only Oneâ. Or even Fuego for that matter.
Czech Republic- Kemama
Standard Afro-pop, a genre we don't often see at the contest so I'll let it pass. I feel like this is the kind of song thatâs infinitely better live, and that it wouldâve been one of those songs that suddenly became a frontrunner after the semi finals, but I guess weâll never know eh?
Denmark- YesÂ
The quintessential mid-10s Eurovision song. It's got guitars, happy people, Scandinavian origins⊠itâs just a typical radio guitar song, nothing special.
Estonia-Â What Love Is
I mean it's better than La Forza. Granted, the sound of someone pissing directly onto a microphone installed in the bowl of a toilet would sound better than La Forza but still. Going back to this song, itâs just... a standard Eastern-ballad with some very desperate lyrics. It feels kind of outdated, if Iâm honest. Like something about this just reeks of 2011.
Finland- Looking Back
Yet another dreary, forgettable ballad. It comes to something when the best song they COULD have sent was a party song which sounded like it was from the mid 90s. At least that song was memorable. That said, this one at least has some decent lyrics. Bravo for that I guess.
France- Mon Alliée
France decides to say âfuck itâ to being an underground fan-favourite and takes a leaf out of the UKs book by sending the same rent-a-Swede schlock theyâve been sending since 2015. Iâm just confused as to why anyone in their right mind would choose to follow the UKs example but you do you France.
Germany- Violent Thing
A rehash of Sweden's entry from two years ago, but this time sung by Justin Bieber circa 2008. Kind of alright if you can stomach the singer's whiny voice, but otherwise pretty dull and kinda forgettable.
Greece- Superg!rl
Hello fellow kidz, we are hearing you like the girl power? The super heroes? The t3xt $p3ech? We made you song, please give us the votes *dabs*
Georgia- Take me as I Am
I mean⊠this sure is a choice. This feels like one of those songs that everyone memes on because the lyrics are kinda janky and the singerâs voice (and accent) take a bit of getting used to, but other than that itâs just one of those NQ songs for hipster fans to declare as their unironic winner at a later date. All in all this just feels like the male equivalent of one of those mid-10s fat acceptance womenâs songs, only a lot shoutier and this time he has more flaws than not being skinny.
Iceland- Think About ThingsÂ
A bootleg George Ezra song, performed by a load of disinterested tumblr users in their pyjamas. Because if thereâs one thing that sells me on a song, itâs being given the evils by a bunch of nerds who look like theyâll send me death threats for not agreeing with their PokĂ©mon headcanons. To be fair, the song is kind of groovy since it sounds so 70s, but the performance is very off-putting to people who arenât in the Eurovision loop. And also people who are, because I sure as Hell donât see the appeal in this myself and this whole performance just feels like Save Your Kisses for Me without the charm. I feel like this wouldâve come second or third, definitely with a lot of televotes but either the jury wouldâve dragged it down or it wouldnât have scored enough televotes to win.
Ireland- Story of my Life
A song thatâs at LEAST ten years out of date by this point, think like an early Katy Perry, Jessie J or Avril Lavigne song. Iâll forgive it because even though it sounds like it shouldâve been entered in 2013 (at the latest), it at least evokes some nostalgic memories of shitty school discos and holiday parks.
Israel- Feker Libi
The female equivalent of the Czech song. Unsurprisingly, people went wild for it when it was released. I guess only women are allowed to sing Afro-pop at this contest. Like with the Czech song, Iâll forgive it since Afro-pop is a cool genre anyway, and even though this is just another club song I can at least see myself dancing to it.
Italy- Fai Rumore
Well, at least my wish of âItaly sends a typical power ballad devoid of anything the mainstream fandom likesâ finally came true. It was pretty refreshing to have a year where people werenât shoving Italyâs entry up my nose left right and centre. In terms of my actual thoughts I canât deny that the guy has a tremendous voice, but for some reason the song just doesnât⊠click with me. I guess I like my male Italian singers a little more gruff and raspy, if you know what I mean. They gotta sound like they smoke at LEAST five packets of cigarettes a day for me to take notice.
Malta- All of my Love
Listen I am 100% rooting for Destiny Chukunyere to win this contest some day but man was this song a disappointment. It feels so⊠un-special and generic, like it gets the job done and thatâs it. Itâs not the stand-up-and-belt-it-out soul anthem Iâd hoped for, itâs just⊠there.
Moldova- Prison
All I remember about this song is that it vaguely reminds me of that one Meccano song about the gypsy who makes a deal with the moon or something. And Iâve TRIED to remember more about what it sounds like, trust me.
Latvia- Still Breathing
The one horrible weird song you get every year which overuses strobe effects to the point it comes with an epilepsy warning. Would be bearable if it wasn't for the singerâs insistence that this is actually some feminist masterpiece when it's really just a self-empowerment club song about the singer fingerbanging herself over the fact she writes music.
Lithuania- On Fire
One of the songs everyone thought was going to win at one point, even though it seems like a surefire non-qualifier to me. Itâs one of those weird entries, but not the kind of over the top, batshit insane, youâd-have-to-be-drunk-to-enjoy-it weird, the kind of subdued surreal weird. Like this is weed instead of LSD or cocaine weird. Granted my mom, who I consider to be a "typical" Eurofan, actually really liked this song when she saw it in the recaps, so who knows maybe this would have done well with televoters after all.
Netherlands- Grow
I appreciate this song for how artsy and clever it is with its structure, since it starts off acapella and the instrumental builds up with the song until it stops suddenly, symbolising a personâs growth from a child into an adult, and ending suddenly with their death (Geddit? The songâs called âGrowâ). But it feels like the kind of song that would be lost on a Eurovision audience. The juries would have taken note, for sure, but the televote⊠letâs be honest, theyâd have been too busy drunk voting for Russia to care about anything else.
North Macedonia- You
Well, it's better than the miserable dirge they sent last year, but given how I'd rather pleasure myself with a steak knife than listen to that song, that really isn't saying much. Going back to âYouâ, it really just feels like a diet version of Switzerlandâs entry from last year, combined with Swedenâs song from 2018. What Iâm saying is itâs your average âIâm a man in a club and I want to dance with and probably fuck this hot girl I just metâ song, which I a new genre I just made up. Youâre welcome.
Norway- AttentionÂ
One of those songs you appreciate because it sounds nice and the singer has a good voice, but instantly forget because itâs really not all that interesting. If I sound like I'm repeating myself, welcome to Eurovision 2020.
Poland- Empires
âRise Like a Phoenixâ but sung by a wannabe Adele and not a mascara-wearing Jesus in a dress. Like a lot of other songs on this list, itâs just average across the board, likeable when itâs on, but instantly forgettable as soon as the next song comes on.
Portugal: Medo de Sentir
Pretty, but also similar to their ill-fated 2018 entry, only with a bit more energy and less pink hair. What Iâm saying is this would have been another NQ unless the crowd who enjoy subtle ambience music come in to save it like they did with Slovenia's entry last year.
Romania- Alcohol You
See Bulgaria, because this is practically the same song. Itâs just as dreary, just as badly sung (if not worse because holy shit this girl sounds like sheâs being suffocated), and I suppose you COULD excuse that by saying sheâs drunk or hungover⊠but I donât want to listen to someone ungracefully mumble into a microphone for three minutes.
Russia- Uno
A classic big camp party song, the kind of song people who havenât watched Eurovision since 2003 think wins on the regular. I can see why people would like it (especially in this boring year lmao, I applaud Russia for taking the opportunity to loosen their corset and just send a complete mess instead of their usual clinical vote grabs), but itâs just not something I enjoy. It's the song that plays into the misconception that Eurovision is just a clown show for drunk people, like this is just here to be that one flash-in-the-pan meme song that only entertains people who donât really care about Eurovision until the day before it airs. Kind of like the old ladies they sent in 2012 (remember them?).
San Marino- Freaky!
San Marino, in true Sammarinese fashion, have yet again sent a decade-ambiguous song which sounds like it was either released in 1978 or 2003. I feel like this would have been one of those songs which could have surprised us if it had a really wacky, creative performance (think like Moldova in 2018), but this is San Marino so you know that would never happen.
Serbia- Hasta la Vista
Insert unoriginal joke about a decade wanting their shitty trend back right here. Okay maybe thatâs a bit harsh, especially considering how this song is actually, yanno, unique in comparison to the rest of this year. But it still feels weirdly dated, in a way where I canât decide whether it sounds like it belongs in 1998 or 2018. I suppose girl power ages a song regardless of when it was released.
Slovenia- Voda
Yet another standard Balkan-European power ballad which you appreciate because itâs well sung, but forget the moment it ends because itâs kinda boring. ⊠Does anyone else have a bit of deja vu?
Spain- Universo
For some reason I feel like this song is shilling itself out to someone but I have no idea who. Aside from the horny people voting solely because the singer is moderately attractive even with that wretched Jedward haircut.
Sweden- Move
Imagine soul but⊠boring.
Switzerland-Â RĂ©pondez Moi
Imagine Arcade but⊠in French.
United Kingdom- My last Breath
Not the best the UK could have done, but itâs at least a modern offering unlike the residual dregs of the mid-90s that we sent throughout the 2010s. Itâs definitely a bit too generic to have done any better than maybe 15th, but hey at least the cancellation means we wonât have to see it not do as well as the BBC thinks itâs entitled to do, prompting a billion clickbait articles about how Brexit somehow affected our performance.
Ukraine- Solovey
At long last we come to something you probably weren't expecting: a song I actually really like. Which is weird because I usually don't care for or don't like whatever Ukraine vomits into the contest, so I was pleasantly surprised to find a song I liked from them in such a weak year. This song isnât for everyone, itâs white noise singing which is a very acquired taste, but this is honestly the only 2020 song I find myself coming back to over and over. And itâs in Ukrainian too, so you donât have to put up with their usual mangled English offerings.
#and that conclude's the mods thoughts lmao#eurovision#if this is good i might do this with other years let me know what you think#mod speaks#mod reviews
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