#alishka save me

[residentmara]

CW BRIGHT!!!!!!!!!

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The dress code is "INCORRUPTIBLE"

[jugniofrp]

Jacqueline Fernandez Gif Pack

In this gif pack, you’ll find #186 gifs of Jacqueline Fernandez in Judwaa 2 as Alishka Bakshi. All GIFs were made by me and are intended for roleplaying purposes only. Please don’t claim them as your own. Reposting these GIFs or using them in your own graphics is strictly forbidden. Please, like or reblog this post if you plan on saving these GIFs, or if you found this helpful in any way, shape, or form. Thank you! Trigger Warning: physical intimacy, kissing, and partial nudity.

⟶  GIFS

[estellaelysian]

Hi!! 🙂 From the Grumpy/Sunshine Trope Prompts, would you be willing to write something for "You're the lighthouse in the fog, guiding me to shore"? Your writing is always so beautiful, my sweet friend!! Thank you!! ♥️

Hello lovely, and thank you so much for this request! This is one of my most favourite letters I have written, thanks to your beautiful request ♥️

Hope you enjoy reading it

Midnight

Ethan x (f!mc) Alishka Roy | General

Letter fic | Fluff, mild angst | Words: 1.5k

Warnings: none

Summary: The last letter Ethan wrote to Alishka on their thirty-seventh anniversary

Alishka my dearest,

I sit here in the empty living room as the night melts around me, drafting this letter for the fiftieth time, and really hoping that by the time I am done, it is not already our anniversary. This is not easy, because I am not good with words, however, I want to try to write this letter and put all my favourite, all our favourite memories that we have made together, for the occasion is special too. I cannot believe we have been with each other for so long and through so much, both good and bad. It still seems like yesterday when you came into my life and brought “the sunshine to this grump,” as you say it. It still seems like yesterday when I left, and when I came back. It still seems like yesterday when we got married, and when we had three beautiful children. I cannot ever come to fathom how I have spent so much time with you and still it feels like so less. And for that, I thank god. I thank him for giving you to me, even though I never believed in god.

Let’s begin with the best memory I’ve kept to myself all these years. Do you remember the night I went to the opera alone because you were to sleepy to come with me? Yes, the one where I had asked you to marry me. It had been such a wonderful night. I tried to wake you up upon my return, and you just wouldn’t open your eyes, even though I was feeling very wobbly from the realisation of what I was about to do. When you finally opened your eyes, you had said, and I quote, “You are so selfish, I am sleeping.” It was surprising, but then you continued. “Why is there music and the bottle of champagne we had been saving for a very special occasion?”, and I, in all my glory, still wasn’t in the state of talking.

I can never seem to forget that. Then you went on to list one by one all the things that according to you, contributed to a perfect proposal. Somehow, this was far from perfect, but yet, you didn’t seem to care. You noted the champagne, the romantic music, the guy with an important question, checked if I was on my knee (which I was) and said, “Oh Ethan, did you get so bored at the opera that you decided to marry me?” and I just sat there, looking at you. “Yes,” I had said. “Yes, something like that. Exactly like that.”

Here are a few things you may not know. Well, you obviously know I didn’t have a ring right then, but the music was not radio. It was a band I had picked off the opera. I had asked them to come and play, and had to tell them to leave because you were so sleepy. Bryce and Tobias were waiting outside for us that night. And they knew everything, I suspect, but none had uttered a word the next couple of days when we decided to keep the news silent.

But most of all, you had agreed to marry me, making me the happiest man in the world. You then went on to thank me for not choosing a public proposal. You had said what I did was perfect.

Even then, I thought I didn’t deserve you, and even today, after almost thirty-seven years of us being married, I think I don’t deserve you.

Then, we got married. Our honeymoon, as opposed to what you say, went by quickly, and though I wanted you all to myself for the next two weeks, we went back about our normal lives.

And then we welcomed our daughter into this world, and once again, you made me the happiest man in the world. Camellia was the sweetest, most darling baby I ever beheld, and nothing will ever top the love I felt for her when I first held her in my arms, when she first tightened her little fist around my finger. I loved her so, so much.

Life as new parents was not easy, but you made it seem easy. You handled everything so well, and then our son and then our youngest daughter came along. Everything passed in a blur in that time, but I have a few favourites from those time too. I remember this once, when Paloma was fussy, and no matter what I did, she wouldn’t sleep. And then, you held her as she cried, and sang to her, and it was amazing to witness what effect your voice had on her. After that, you used to sing to all the children quite frequently, and sometimes, I would join in, just to witness the joy it brought on all your faces. I was a terrible singer, but you insisted that everyone could sing.

While I don’t disagree, I don’t ever think my voice was as pleasant as yours.

That’s when we discovered Lovells, I think. We went there once, on our anniversary, and then frequented going there, and every year, I would give you a letter which you would read while facing the shore. That is how me writing you all these letters started, and even though I still don’t think they are quite as enjoyable, I like to do it because of you.

I am not going to lie, everything, as of late, seems a little difficult. Just as it did when we fought with each other. I wont lie, that period in our marriage is the one I dread the most. But I am glad we could put it past us.

I wonder who I am without you. You were the one who always helped me through the day, even when I was tired, when I was at my lowest. Sometimes I wondered if you could read my mind. You always knew what I was thinking, what I wanted, what I didn’t… you always knew. Even though we had our struggles, I think back on the thirty-seven years we spent together and think, no, I am sure, that I was the lucky one. You however, were the one who got away.

You inspired me to be better. You fascinated me, you amazed me, and I would walk a little taller just because you were by my side. Every time I held you, I knew I needed nothing more. What I would give to spend a day more with you…

I want you here with me, my darling. I want to smell your hair while you make salad, watch you as you talk to your friends, listen to you sing to our children. I want you here with me to sit with our grandchildren and children, and with Jane, our one and only great-grandchild. How can I be this old, I wonder when I hold her, and almost immediately, imagine you teasing me. “Told you, you were an old man,” you would say. But I never hear you voice and it breaks my heart.

Now, again, back to this year, back to this house, back to the present, I wonder what it would have been to do some things differently. Maybe I could’ve been better, maybe we could’ve changed some things, but I know there is no use thinking about all this because that time has already passed and all we are left with are fragments of memories.

And how I adore you, Alishka, both in those memories and in the present. I adore every memory with you in it. I adore how you would put on the blue sweater I got you in the evenings while listening to Noah play the piano, or the way you would tuck loose strands of hair behind your ears every time you cook with Paloma. I love how you did that a great many years ago, and how you still kept doing it. I love how you hadn’t changed a bit, even though you could change “me”.

And I love you. So much. Just as I did a great many years ago.

You remember the cardinals, don’t you? Of course, you do, you were the one who bought them when the pet store guy told us that cardinals mate for life… I do not know whether that is true, but I want to believe it. I want to believe it because you did.

So here I am, once again, telling you what you are to me, my darling. You are my cardinal. You are the lighthouse in the dark, guiding me to shore. You are my sunshine, my moonlight, my world, my everything. I love you. And I miss you.

I am not good at spending my days alone, and wish to join you as soon as I can. I still hear you calling my name as Noah ran around the house. I still see you brushing your hair in front of the mirror. I still feel you everywhere around me, but when you are not there, I try to remind myself of the beautiful years you & I spent together. I often wish we could keep it that way forever.

Happy anniversary dear.

Come visit me in my dreams today.

I will meet you at the Lovell Island tomorrow.

Love always,

Ethan

Tagging: @tenaciouslandvoidgiant @choicesaddict5 @schnitzelbutterfingers @jooous @dakotasteach @vishhhi @genevievemd @mercury84choices @ethansramsey @quixoticdreamer16 @shanzay44 @gryffindordaughterofathena @monsoonblooms12 @alina-yol-ramsey @forallthatitsworth @fireycookie @the-pale-goddess @dorisz @headoverheelsforramsey @rosebudde

***

Thank you all for reading!

Stay safe and healthy

-Sakshi

[openheartfanfics]

OHFFs Advent Calendar: Day 22

Traditions

Submitted by @estellaelysian​

Pairing: Ethan x (f!mc) Alishka Roy

Rating: General

Trope: Fluff

Words: ~ 1.6k

Warnings: none

Summary: Through the years, Ethan and Alishka celebrate their evolving Christmas traditions

Year 1

When he enters the café, if anything overwhelms him more than the aroma of a promising coffee after a long shift, it’s her presence in there.

And the funny thing is, he came here to avoid her. Well, partially at least, to avoid her. Derry Roasters was closed so there is the other half of the reason.

Although now, he feels as if he walked right into a Christmas fest. The decorations are up and it is obnoxiously too much. If he remembers correctly, Debby, the owner of the café is Jewish. Which makes this even more suspicious than it appears.

He lets his gaze sweep over to her again. The delicate red glow throws gentle shadows across her face. Her brows are furrowed, lips in a pout and tongue sticking out. She is making her concentration face. He has seen it quite a few times before, but saved it from everyone else. He knows she hides it.

He walks past her table and notices something which makes him squint in her direction. Is that … reindeer paper? She is writing on reindeer paper?

Maybe he should leave, because he has this sudden, highly odd urge of overstepping. She hasn’t noticed him yet.

And yet, he goes up to the counter, orders his coffee, asks about all the decorations – she wants to blend in, the barista says – and then waits.

When the barista returns with his coffee, hot to the touch, he wonders what he should do. A table in the far-right corner is empty. It is secluded, and he could avoid “people”, but it doesn’t hold any promise of the witty conversation he would get if he sat with her. So, he decides. Alishka it is.

‘Rookie,’ he says, slipping in the chair in front of her. She barely looks up at him.

‘Hello to you too, Dr. Ramsey.’

She shifts and tucks her hair behind her ears before continuing to write. Her concentration face is gone.

She doesn’t just have the paper – something he just notices. There are stamps and tape and even a candy cane pen. Maybe things get too festive with her.

‘What exactly are you doing?’ he asks her.

‘I thought you had it all figured out how much the festive products are putting me in a scam.’

‘Well, I have … you have wasted around-’

‘Dr. Ramsey, should I remind you this is my money we are talking about?’ There is a small smile of challenge on her face. ‘Besides, it’s not like the grinch sitting in front of me would spend any money on Christmas. At least let them have some of mine.’

He scoffs. ‘Right. I am the grinch.’

Her smile widens.

‘You didn’t answer my question, Alishka,’ he says calmly.

‘As you can see,’ she states just as calmly, knowing he has noticed everything, ‘I am writing letters to the children in paeds ward of the hospital. To those who can’t be with their family on Christmas.’

‘As Santa’s secret agent?’ he asks when she stamps one of the letters, raising his eyebrow. ‘Where did you get hold of all this stuff?’

She finally looks up at him. ‘I am the secret agent, so you can imagine where I got them from.’

A deep sigh leaves her lips. Then her green eyes come to rest upon his face again. When she speaks, all the challenge in her voice is gone. ‘I just want them to be happy, Ethan, that’s all. That is why I am doing all this.’

‘But why all the-’

‘Oh, piss off, you won’t understand.’

He laughs. Her tangential britishness is quite visible and adorable. She laughs too, a full, hearty laugh. It makes his stomach flip.

Then, not understanding why, he picks up one of her ridiculous pen and papers, and takes one letter from the pile to answer to. He can almost feel her smiling.

And then, he begins, thinking of the best way to answer as Santa’s secret agent.

Dear Pamela,

Remember, there is…

‘Don’t you dare tell anyone of them that Santa isn’t real,’ Alishka’s voice strings through the thoughts forming in his head. He only smiles.

Year 2

She is bouncing with happiness. Although a lot has happened, she is still glad she gets to celebrate Christmas the way she does. And she cannot believe what is about to happen. If any one found out, Ethan would probably kill her, but it has been extremely hard to keep her mouth shut about it.

After tonight, she finally gets to speak about it, if only to Ethan.

‘Are you ready yet?’ she calls from the kitchen where she is waiting. Downs a glass of cool water, which spreads a little calm through her. A little, but not enough.

He insists in keeping the lights off. And she has to agree, after what he has agreed to. The dark is silent and serene, no sign of any shuffling movement around. Is he even listening to her?

‘Ethan? ETHAN? Are you okay in there?’

‘I am fine,’ comes a mumbled answer followed by a grunt. ‘Regretting this already.’

‘Oh, come outside before your mind changes. With you, there is no saying.’

‘Yeah fine. I know you don’t trust me with this one.’

He is wrong. She trusts her with everything. She just wants everything to go…perfectly. Life is short. She knows better than to waste it, and now, he does too.

She holds her breath as the door unlocks and he steps out. The lights from outside paint him in faint color. She can make out the long, false white beard. Dressed in red and white. Dressed as Santa. She can’t believe that she made him do it.

‘Well, this is awkward,’ he says when he catches her gawking.

‘You look adorable!’ she shrieks, jumping onto him. ‘The beard and the costume and the cap and it all.’

‘Even the pillow which is my stomach?’

‘Even the pillow which is your stomach,’ she whispers onto his faux fur clothing.

He chuckles. ‘The things I do for you, Rookie.’

‘Are amazing, and they won’t end anytime soon.’

‘Okay, get up. Let’s celebrate with the kids. Then we have our own traditions to look after,’ he says, sitting up. ‘We should leave now.’

‘Okay,’ she chirps.

She stands too, and gathers her jacket and purse, but doesn’t see where she is going and ends up hitting her forehead against his chin. He has stopped. Why?

‘No one at the hospital knows about this, right?’

‘No one,’ she nods, then bursts into laughter. ‘I know why you don’t want them too. You’ll lose your grumpy attending image is why.’

‘Damn right I will,’ he says, smiling. ‘Remember I am only partially glad to be a part of your secret Santa things. Come on, let’s go.’

She kisses him, pressing her lips softly against his. ‘Yes. Let’s do it.’

He can feel the smile clear against his lips.

Year 3

‘Well I am glad that is over.’

The brightly lit hallway echoes with laughter and giggles. The hospital is mostly deserted. Everyone has left for their traditions.

The deep voice is too familiar to Naveen. He smiles, looking up from the charts and to the couple who has just walked into the corridor.

‘Can’t forget how much of a hard time Naveen gave me last year when he found out I was the Santa.’

‘Yeah,’ the girl says, laughing heartily. ‘I can never forget that.’

‘You thoroughly enjoyed it. And you said no one who knew us well was in the hospital, so it’s your fault too.’

‘Well, you’ve worked here all your life, Ethan, so everyone knows you well. I only meant the hospital was clear of my friends. Imagine if Bryce found out.’

‘I can’t endure Lahela teasing me about it all year,’ Ethan says.

Naveen looks down to his charts again, hoping they won’t notice. He can’t help but look up in their direction again. How much Alishka has changed Ethan is truly remarkable. Once he was the one who hated celebrating and is now being the kid’s Santa. He shakes his head, smiling.

‘I am sure you can,’ she says, leaning in towards his tall frame.

‘As if. And you seem to know everything.’

‘I do. Just as I know Naveen is watching us right now.’

Naveen immediately let’s his gaze fall to the floor. But it’s too late. They are already walking in his direction.

‘Hello, Dr. Banerji,’ Alishka beams, giving him with a wide smile.

‘Hello, Alishka, Ethan,’ he says, nodding toward him.

‘Haven’t you been up to anything good?’ Ethan asks.

‘Well, we don’t all have great changes coming in our lives, Ethan, you should know that by now,’ he answers, giving him a small smile. Naveen knows that he understands exactly what he means.

‘Hmm. Aren’t you going home?’

‘It seems hard. You both go on though – Alan must be visiting you, right Ethan?’

‘Oh no, no,’ Alishka says. ‘I have to take this grumpy Santa for some drinks, my treat. Then we’ll drive to providence tomorrow.’

‘Oh, I see. Well, Merry Christmas you two. Have fun.’

They both smile in his direction. Then, unlike what Naveen was expecting, Ethan turns to her and says, ‘You go and wait for me. I’ll be just a minute.’

With a nod, she is gone.

Then, Ethan turns to him. ‘You are not going to mention anything about this Santa thing to anyone.’

‘Cross my heart, you have my word,’ he jokes. ‘But why do it at all if you hate it so much? You could’ve hired a mall Santa or something.’

He knows why. But he still wants to hear it.

‘I don’t hate it. I like doing it. I like doing it because of the kids and because of her. It helps me sleep better.’

‘You like it because you love her,’ Naveen says.

‘Yes. Among other things.’

Thank you all so much for reading and have a Merry Christmas 😊

[estellaelysian]

In the quiet

He quietly stared at the millions stars specked across the ebony sky, his breathing deep and steady as they laid back on the grass. She shifted in his arms, looking ethereal as the moonlight washed over her body. Her breaths were soft whispers on his shoulder and she looked serene and peaceful, her eyes closed. The scent of honeysuckle and wildflowers never left him alone. It followed him everywhere.

And almost every day, he still felt new to all this. This was new and raw and unfamiliar to him, even after months of being together.

And he knew better than not to be grateful for all of it.

He should thank god, he thought, everyday, for giving her to him. He was not religious that way, but lately, a lot of things had been changing, not all of them good. He might as well be appreciative of all the good ones.

She stirred in his arms, and for a moment, he wondered if she was awake. Stray dark strands fell onto his hand and he smiled, watching her graceful form curled against him. There was no better way to be – that was one thing he knew to be true, always.

As long as she was there, he was calm. As long as she was with him, he was untroubled, free from strife. She always knew how to ease his struggles. He wondered if he did the same for her.

He should be, shouldn’t he?

His mind wrestled with him at the thought of that, but he didn’t want to doubt anything anymore.

His Alishka was different from the entire crowd. She didn’t bind herself by rules – be it bad or good – and she shined out like a diamond. She knew how to reason, not to make sophistries.

And he knew she is his savior. He wouldn’t doubt anything they had.

And it was a lot. Not just something like a fling. Something much deeper than that. There was an affinity he would define in words when the time would come.

But for now, he felt good at where they were. Felt satisfied.

She had saved him. Not one, not two, but multiple times. They had fought battles together to be where they were, and he wouldn’t let doubt ruin it. Ever.

The sweet scent of grass tickled his senses, and once again, he looked over at her, smoothing the hair out of her face.

She giggled the sound rich and fulfilling.

‘This is the poem you wanted to recite to me?’ he asked, trying to school his features into every bit of a dreadful expression, but failing miserably.

‘Yes!’ she said, her laughter filling the air around them.

‘Do go on. Tell me how our "thing" works.’

‘Okay. Alright, listen…’

Her words still rung true and clear in his senses, burnt in his mind forever. That was the one memory he relished the most.

‘Here we stand, here we are, with all our wounds and battle scars, from all the storms and all the wars we’ve weathered together. We had no way of knowing when, we started way back there and then, how the road would twist and turn and bend, we just knew we belonged together.’

Belonged together.

Why was he fighting this for so long, he didn’t know.

‘And if it wasn’t for God’s mercy and his grace, there is no way we would be standing here in this place. But because He has been faithful, every step along the way, here we are together.’

She smiled, reaching for his hands as she continues.

‘We’ve climbed up mountains higher than were ever in our hopes, and we’ve crawled on our hands and knees, through valleys cold and dark and deep,’ her voice cracked as she went on, ‘sometimes not even sure if we would make it out alive.’

‘And if it wasn’t for God’s mercy and his grace, there is no way we would be standing here in this place. But because He has been faithful, every step along the way, here we are together.’

A soft smile played across his lips.

‘Doesn’t it suit?’

‘It does.’

She shifted again, but this time, she was truly awake, looking up at him. Her hair rippled past as she eased away and sat up, the black silk gleaming as the light shifted, giving a disquietening impression of movement. She hugged her knees close to herself before glancing back at him.

‘What is it? You are quiet today.’

He sat up too, and faced her. ‘It’s nothing.’

‘What are you thinking about?’ he asked quietly, tucking away dark strands of her hair.

‘Nothing.’

‘Nothing?’ he asked, taken aback by her answer.

‘Nope. Nothing.’

‘She painted him with a soft smile. He raised a hand to cup her face and said, ‘Funny you say that, given that you hate it when I say that word.’

She always said that saying nothing was a way to end a conversation and not start one. Because of her, he had begun to believe it too.

‘I know,’ she said, smiling, pulling him out of his daze, covering his hand with hers. ‘But sometimes, there is nothing to say or think about. You just have to be in that moment and enjoy it.’

He pulled her close and kissed her forehead. ‘Very true.’

Moving closer, she wrapped her arms around him. ‘Okay.’

They stared back at the stars. ‘We used to lie under the stars in summers,’ she murmured quietly.

‘We did too,’ he said. ‘Me and my father.’

She beamed at him.

‘Doubt thou the stars are fire, doubt the sun doth move–’

‘–Doubt truth to be a liar, but never doubt I love,’ he finished.

The stars continued to sparkle above them in an endless sequence of brilliance as he kissed her, slow and gentle.

The roiling emotions stilled within him again, because of her, and only because of her.

As long as they were together, they would be okay.

And that was all he needed.

**********

Thank you all for reading my absolutely plotless fluffy mess.

Fic title and header courtesy of @genevievemd - Thank you so much Sara

Taglist: Let me know if you want to be added or removed to/from the taglist.

[estellaelysian]

Let me be in your Life like that (Dakota x MC)

A/N: First of all, happy Valentine's Day to all of you guys.

I was feeling so bad and guilty that I had written a fic for Ethan and Alishka and not for Dakota and Amber, that I couldn't help myself, and hence, I had to write this. So yes, you guys are in for a ride, and there are going to be two Valentine’s Day fics.

Also, this is complete fluff, because we are saving the angst for the series.

(And please excuse my errors if any, I haven’t gone through them!)

**********

‘Hey Amber,’ Dakota said, sounding slightly raw and throaty. ‘I am running late, but I’ll be there as soon as I can. Go on and start the movie without me, I have already seen it anyway.’

Click.

Amber sighed.

No hey how are you? No hey, I am so sorry I can’t make it in time … just I am running late and go start the movie without me.

Classic Dakota.

‘What did he say?’ Mateo asked beside her. ‘Is he coming?’

‘No. He said he is running late. Oh, and that we should start without him.’

‘Oh,’ Mateo said, sounding just as dejected as she felt. ‘Well let’s start then.’

‘Yeah, let’s start.’

She balanced up the iPad she held, and at that very moment, she got a notification of a video message from Dakota.

Holding her breath, she opened the video, and there he stood, dressed in a hoodie, wearing a bright smile.

He grinned at the camera.

‘Hey Amber, I know it’s Valentine’s Day, and I know you are mad at me for not being there to watch the movie like we planned to do… Well, I am not at your house with you. I promise I am not standing you up, it’s the opposite of that. I love you, and I just want your Valentine’s Day to be perfect. I don’t know how to do this, umm … you know, I am just trying to do this perfectly, and my mind being the way it is, I can right now think of a million different ways this could go and I am freaking nervous, but all I know is I want this to be special and that you should always remember this. So, here goes…’

Amber pressed a hand to her mouth, keeping from saying anything as she watched Dakota step away and in the next moment, he was in the school, sitting in front of the green screen, talking to Jayden and Heather.

‘So, hello to both of you. I hope you are doing well on this bright day.’

‘Why yes we are,’ Jayden said, grinning widely. ‘And can I just say what a pleasure it is to have you here?’

‘Oh thank you. It is fun to be around you guys, but today I am actually here because I have something to tell my girlfriend.’

‘Oh yeah? Amber?’

‘Yeah, I think she is watching this right now.’

‘Uh, actually, there has been some technical problem,’ Heather said, looking at Dakota. ‘This is not broadcasting now.’

‘NO?’

‘No,’ she said apologetically.

‘But Dakota wait. I can arrange something,’ Jayden said, looking between Dakota and Heather. ‘Just gimme some minutes, I can–’

‘Nah, its fine actually, I can think of doing something else.’

‘No, no, just give me a few minutes…’

But Dakota was already leaving his seat in haste. ‘I am sorry, you guys, I’ll see you soon. For now, I’ve to go.’

And in the next step, he was at another setting, wearing a white sleeveless tee and blue jeans, smiling. She recognized almost all the classmates that entered the frame, all in same clothes.

Faint music started playing in the background, and Dakota made a goofy grin.

‘We could leave the Christmas lights up till January… this is our place, we make the rules. And there’s a dazzling haze, a mysterious way about you dear. Have I known you twenty seconds or twenty years?’

Amber smiled at him singing, the best way he could, her hand still pressed to her mouth as he continued.

‘Can I go where you go? Can we always be this close forever and ever? And ah, take me out, and take me home … you’re my, my, my, my lover.’

The music stopped, and his voice rang out, loud and clear. ‘This is too cheesy,’ he declared, watching as the classmates danced and danced, not bothering to stop. With a scoff, he left the screen…

… to emerge a moment later at another location, this time the dog park, again, a trail of classmates following him.

‘Wise men said, only fools rushed in, but I can’t help falling in love with you.’

She giggled as one of the girls moved around and stumbled into him.

‘Shall I stay? Would it be a sin, if I can’t help falling in love with you?’ he sang sweetly.

But their classmates were completely onto him now, flirting and seducing, pulling down his suspenders repeatedly, making Amber laugh. He tried dodging their attempts, but they continued, quite voluptuously, and he kept pulling his suspenders back on.

‘Cut, cut! CUT IT!’ he said, looking exasperated, and all the people stopped dancing or rather, seducing him. ‘Good god, this is a disaster.’

There was another change of frame, and now, he stood in front of Dairy Queen, amidst the people who barely paid attention to the camera that filmed him.

And then, all of a sudden, music came blaring through, and a man and woman who stood right in front of the camera started dancing, like professionals would.

She watched in awe as the woman was swept, quite effortlessly, off her feet and up into the air, as she spinned gracefully in the man’s arms.

And then another couple followed suit.

And then everyone was dancing to the music, and again, she saw Dakota singing as she smiled at the frame. But this time, it wasn’t right in front of the frame. He was barely visible as he sang and danced in the crowd.

‘I don’t wanna think too much, I just wanna feel. You know that it ain’t no rush. Let me keep it real. Just let me be in your life like that, in your life like that. I’ll bring the light right back, I’ll bring the life right back. I’m gonna make you want more, I’m gonna be your new favorite. Tell ‘em you’re closing the door, I’m the only for sure…’

He kneeled with a rose in his hand, smiling.

She giggled unknowingly, and again, the music stopped, this time, Lennox appearing out of nowhere.

‘Where is Amber? Is she here?’ Dakota asked, and she shook her head.

‘What? You didn’t bring her?

‘No, that wasn’t my job! Amy here was supposed to get her!’

‘Wha–’

‘I can fix it. Just wait a sec, I’ll call her.’

‘You’re gonna call her? he asked as she pulled out her phone.

‘Oh my God, you guys, I am so sorry,’ he said, turning to the crowd of dancers waiting expectantly. ‘I am so sorry.’

His mom appeared in the frame now, holding a fancy tux jacket. ‘Here, darling, put this on.’

‘Mom, what are you doing?’

‘Come on, put this on, you are gonna need it.’

He pulled on the jacket, and she handed him a small paper bag along with a laser tag.

‘Use this. Use it now!’

In a blind moment, he drew a circle down on the ground and jumped in, as a woman, who she did not recognize appeared in the video.

Soon, they were in a pursuit, running down the deserted and dark streets, but before long, the woman caught up with Dakota, snatching the bag right out of his hands.

‘Hey!’ he said, whirling around to face her.

‘She doesn’t need this. Did you ever think what might e in here? What is it that you are protecting with all your heart?’

She turned the bag upside down, and down fell bits of paper.

‘Nothing. She doesn’t need fancy gifts. She needs you, there, right now, and if you do want to give her something, it should be this,’ she said, handing him a basket.

And then she was gone.

By now, Amber was completely still, holding her breath. Dakota turned to look at the empty street in shock, but then, before long, started walking down, under the golden pool of light.

She recognized the neighborhood. He was getting close.

Oh God….

The doorbell startled her, and she looked at Mateo.

‘Go, open it,’ he urged, smiling at her. ‘He’d want to see you after so much of running around.’

A giggle escaped her lips as she stood and went to open the door, and there he stood, her Dakota, looking smart and handsome, and disheveled at the same moment, his hair tousled.

he looked absolutely perfect.

‘I love you, Amber,’ he whispered. ‘I love you so, so much. Here,’ he held out the straw basket to her, which seemed to be carrying gummy bears, roses and a few notes.

But she was way past caring about what was in the basket.

She threw her arms around him, and he held her as relieved laughter and tears left her body.

‘I love you too,’ she said, tightening the embrace.

**********

So yeah, that just happened. It is inspired from a video I watched, and ... yeah, sorry if things got too cheesy.

Thank you for reading.

Tagging: @tenaciouslandvoidgiant @choicesaddict5 @starrystarrytrouble @dakotasteach @kodysteach @vishhhi 

Let me know if  you want to be added or removed

[estellaelysian]

It burns (Ethan x MC)

A/N: This is super self indulgent and doesn’t lead anywhere so proceed on your own risk

**********

The alcohol scorched down his throat as he let his mind wander in the memories of the day, which seemed too distant now that it was over. Evening shaded into night beyond the red-brick walls of the bar – which were lined with numerous neon signs, the glow spilling onto nearby tables and people. Ethan chased the shadow of Alishka as his mind jumped from one moment to the next in all those where they had interacted with each other over the day. The image of her deep green eyes, wavy brown hair and full lips remained forever etched into his mind, giving him warmth like an eternal flame would.

It was late when he made it to this bar – Russo and Dale – but it was also when he found Boston the most loveable, shimmering in the glow of night, her streets thrumming with life and beating hearts and cheerfulness. He had taken an unnecessary walk from the hospital to his destination, wanting to feel anonymous in the dull crowd of people who were walking down the street. The permanence of the aged buildings, the restored Victorian row-houses surrounding English-style corners and the glowing yellow street lamps in South End seemed to give somewhat of a reassurance to his bruised and tired soul as he weaved his way among the sea of strangers. Walking wearily past dark shops, while the sky turned to a deep blue-black above him, he tried to find solace in the anonymity.

But now, at long last, when he found himself alone again, the unease returned, stronger than ever. He took a sip of the amber liquid, then another and then a third, but nothing seemed to ease him as he listened to the determined thud of a bass from the neighboring dive-bar. The foolish chatter around him did not drown out the rising voices inside his head – her voice and his, as they had argued in his office long into the afternoon.

That one argument had been enough to disrupt the entire balance he had built with the same woman whom he had disappointed today. But it was a mutual disappointment. She had been irrelevant to.

Shaking his head, he took another sip, letting the alcohol burn down his throat as he stared – quite intently – at the marble counter in front of him. It was amazing really, that the woman from whom he drew his strength could also be one of his greatest weaknesses. That was exactly why he had retired to his old office in the afternoon. He had lost focus, so instead of looking into patient care, he thought drowning himself into paperwork would help.

But indeed, it had not. Did it ever?

His mind, like a blissful dog scampering back to its lamppost, seemed to be stuck at the argument – making assumptions about the way she sounded, acted, spoke – no matter how much he tried to distract himself. Everything blurred around him, as if he had tuned out from his surroundings.

Why, he thought, was it so necessary for her to be insistent about things that did not matter to him? To latch onto one subject and stretch it until his patience snapped?

Or had he been truly unreasonable this time?

Oh dear God…

He swirled the gleaming liquid in its glass slowly before taking another sip, intent on numbing his brain, only that it refused from being so. Over and over again, her voice tortured him from deep inside; calling him out on the stubborn asshole he was before fading, only to return for the millionth time.

But wasn’t that the point of tonight? To get as far away as he could from the hospital, go to a bar in South End, and let the alcohol ease his pain and anxiety.

The door opened and someone stepped in, bringing together a cool Boston breeze and faint traces of wildflowers. Though his senses seemed unnaturally sharpened at this point, his eyes remained glued to his glass. But just a few seconds later, he found the woman right beside him, the scent of wildflowers much more perceptible.

Green flashed in his mind, deep and comforting, as he connected the scent, almost instinctively, to the one person it reminded him of.

Hold yourself, Ramsey.

In his peripheral vision, he saw the woman flag down the bartender and order a rainbow colored cocktail before turning away for a moment or two.

‘Quite the pain-relief, isn’t it?’ she asked in a mellifluous, sweet voice which fell like honey onto his tongue.

He could swear it was Alishka’s voice, but maybe he had dived too deep into the alcohol pain-relief. He had started imagining things.

Sensing that she was probably still expecting an answer, he nodded before looking straight at her.

And almost immediately, thought of Alishka Roy, even though he had put up a boundary between him and those insistent, maddening thoughts.

He didn’t realize it at first, but that smile – he would recognize it anywhere, anytime, no matter how detached he was.

But Alishka?

Nonsense. He was losing his mind.

‘I should’ve guessed my boss would come here after the much-exhausting day he faced at work today. It would’ve atleast saved me the time I spent wandering about.’

He raised his eyes to her face again. This was not an illusion. She was real, he thought, as he glanced at her hot coral lips which now wore an amused smile. He was not dreaming.

But why would she feel the need to wander about for him?

Do you really need an answer for that, dimwit, his mind chided.

‘Ofcourse you’d follow me here too,’ he said bluntly, battling away the sweeter responses, raising the glass to his lips.

‘You are not my boss outside of work, Dr. Ramsey. It is my freewill to do as I want to once I step outside the hospital.’

He looked up at her again, a smirk curling the corners of his lips. ‘Says the woman who bothers me all the same, inside or out.’

She made a dismissive wave, an easy laughter leaving her. ‘You’ve got a horrid sense of humor,’ she said. ‘Perhaps that is why everyone is terrified of you, even now.’

The last two words stung with an unimaginable burn, questioning the character he had spent years to build.

‘What do you mean, “even now”?’ he asked, the words coming out much more defiant than he wanted them to.

She smiled a benevolent smile as the bartender dropped off her cocktail, which smelled strongly of Pernod. Raising the glass up to meet her lips with tantalizing slowness, she said, ‘Even now, when they’ve learned that you can love something, someone more than medicine. Wholeheartedly.’

He choked on his drink involuntarily, but she went on, as if she hadn’t heard him at all. ‘And yet, at the same time, you can manage to be incredibly bitter to that someone.’

She took a long gulp of her cocktail, and again, before he could respond to her grievances, she said, ‘But anyway, I am not here to discuss that.’

Play pretend, he thought.

‘And why exactly, is it that you are here?’

‘Same as you. Pain-relief. My boss can be a real bore sometimes,’ she answered with the faintest traces of a smirk.

Let’s hear it now, shall we. ‘Who is your boss?’ he asked, going along with her little game.

‘Some world class, renowned, grumpy attending diagnostician.’

He liked how she complimented him and got a dig at him in the same sentence.

‘He seems to have a stressful job,’ he said, looking over the glass to her heavenly features, painted in the neon glow of the bar.

‘That he likes to imply. He is good at what he does.’

He nodded, trying to contemplate her answer, thinking that there would be traces of sarcasm in her answer, but found none.

‘Cheers to that,’ he said, clinking her glass with his own, their fingers brushing slightly, setting his body ablaze with the kind of fire that raged through forests. It was the closest they had got to touching that day, morning apart.

He finished the scotch in one long sip under her watchful gaze. Torture or bliss, there was no answer.

Though dulled by the excesses of the alcohol, he felt anger rise inside his body at the men who made glances in her direction, from a distance or even as they passed her. She seemed to draw much more gazes today than she did usually.

What exactly was it? Her rich brown hair, inching down her back, or those emerald eyes that gleamed with cleverness? And why, every time, did his jealousy had him to do things which he shouldn’t have been doing?

He didn’t know.

What he did know, was that he wouldn’t let those men even get near her.

So he raised a hand to her face, smoothing away stray strands of hair and tucking them behind her ear.

If she was surprised, she did not show it, but a lovely blush spread out on her cheeks, spreading down to her graceful neck and uncovered shoulders. She eyed him with a raised eyebrow, and he willfully ignored all the ideas that look gave him. Tonight was different. Even if they left the bar together, they would part ways almost as soon as they were outside, walking down in opposite directions.

Tonight they were fighting, even though it was different.

Even if he had to have his heart tugged and pulled and then torn, tonight was different.

Her emeralds met his sapphires, curious and bewitching.

He wished he could kiss those perfectly painted lips and ruin that makeup.

‘How about we make a deal then,’ she asked, setting down the glass on the paper napkin that was left on the shiny marble counter. ‘Tonight, let’s forget everything. Let’s forget that you are my irritating boss, let’s forget that I am a – what did you call me? – ah, bothersome resident. Let’s forget those men staring down at me from the opposite corner of the bar. Let’s put a pause on this battlefield, even though I am sure I can outwit you in every way, and let’ go home together.’

That was a tempting offer.

The suggestive tone and the desire burning plain in her eyes ignited his need for her.

How could he not resist her, even a single night?

His voice came out dusky when he spoke again. ‘Let’s put them topics to bed, and go fuck on the roof.’

Just to say that we did.

She smiled. ‘I’d rather your body than half of your heart,’ she said, quoting the song back to him, her voice the sweetest he had ever heard it to be.

Ethan blinked. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to tell her that he was far from fighting or if he wanted to claim those lips, right now, right here.

Then he saw, over her shoulder, a man whisper something to another before looking at her neck. He felt disgusted as his gaze traveled lower and lower. He was suddenly overcome by the desire to punch him in his filthy face, but he kept his expression carefully neutral, not betraying a single of the feelings he was feeling at that exact moment.

‘Let’s go home then,’ he announced, rising at once and reaching for her hand.

He led her outside into the cool crisp Boston night and she only felt justified in flagging down a cab to the way home, though it wasn’t that far away.

They could’ve walked there.

But then he wouldn’t get to do as he willed right in the cab, as he decided he need not waste a single minute of the time he had been gifted, by incidence or co-incidence, all the same. He failed to keep his hands to himself in the darkened cab, momentarily being illuminated by headlights and taillights of the passing traffic, as he crowed her into a corner, evoking soft moans. He watched her, bathed in red light, her sequined top glittering as the light shifted against her profile. Her eyes met his and he lost his sane, his coherent thoughts reducing to a small compass in his brain. Her lips commanded his attention, and he pressed his lips against them, evoking a gentle sigh as their breaths mingled. Her soft fingers grazed his rough beard as her hand rested against his cheek.

The music masked their muffled whispers and moans, but he could feel the drivers eyes, moving with unnecessary regularity, from the road ahead to the rearview mirror.

Even in the elevator, they stumbled, failing from keeping themselves from touching each other. The button to the thirteenth floor was pressed before he felt the soft pressure of her lips against his own. Her tongue was cool and sweet and tasted of Pernod.

‘Alishka…’ he managed to say between the kisses. ‘Why do we fight at all?’

‘Because we are …’ a little giggle. ‘Both … very stubborn …’

A few seconds later they stood at his door, which was unlocked with haste and shut close with a loud bang. The moment they stepped inside, he dipped his head and closed his lips over hers.

‘Nothing makes sense without you…’ he murmured into her ear, proceeding to tug her tight against him.

‘Then accept your defeat …’ she returned immediately, making a quick work of his shirt buttons. ‘But then again, we’ve called a temporary pause on this battlefield, haven’t we.’

Albeit reluctantly, he agreed. ‘We have.’

He led her to the bedroom, helping her out of her clothes before easing her down on the mattress gently, deciding the bitterness and pain had been enough for the day. The night had to be different.

Slow, gentle hands grazed the newly exposed skin with caresses too soft, before he leaned down on her, gazing into her eyes, letting his forehead rest against hers.

‘I love you.’

She giggled again. ‘I love you too.’

**********

Kudos to you guys if you made it out of this chaotic mess my brain put together. I honestly don’t know how this happened, but I guess it’s just me after a full, very real college day with loads of note-taking.

Tagging: @tenaciouslandvoidgiant @choicesaddict5 @schnitzelbutterfingers @starrystarrytrouble

Let me know if you want to be added or removed.

[estellaelysian]

I’ll be here (Ethan x MC)

Book/Pairing: Open heart/Ethan x F!MC (Alishka Roy)

Summary: Alishka comes to find Ethan, very drunk, at Donahue’s.

Warnings: Curse words

This is set after Ethan’s mom returns. It’s a twist on the canon version, but we have got a very drunk Ethan.

**********

Ethan associated Donahue’s with escape and refuge. It was way past midnight and the bar was empty except for him and another man who occupied a table in one of the corners of the room. He bought himself a scotch and took his seat at one of the bar stools, elbows on the marble platform and head bent low. He drank as though his scotch was medicine, without pleasure, intent on the result.

His mom. It was incredibly frustrating and at the same time, felt like a terrible joke. No, he reminded himself. That woman is a stranger. Just another patient. He had come so close to losing two people who meant so much to him, who he adored, and who knew his mom would be the easiest to save after a shot of naloxone? For her to comeback now and mess with his head … it was so unfair. This put a very different light on the question that why didn’t his father tell him about this if he knew, and if not, how would he react.

Now that he thought of it, he felt acutely anxious. Questions tumbled around him, the answers to which he did not know, and they seemed to increase his discomfort even more. He bought another scotch, and then one more. He wanted to drown the impulses, crackling like electrical charges. He wanted to forget that any of this ever happened.

He hadn’t eaten anything since that … that woman had been wheeled in, and it had been a long time since he had consumed so much alcohol in one sitting. It took him barely an hour of steady, solitary scotch consumption to become properly drunk.

The door opened and he was met by a cold blast of air. Initially, when the slender figure appeared at the bar, he told it thickly that it had the wrong man.

‘No, I haven’t,’ Alishka said firmly. ‘I’m just going to get myself a drink too, okay?’

He was left staring hazily at her profile, which was comfortingly familiar. She was wearing a tight faded jeans and a seductively fitting pink sweater under a cream colored coat – the greatest hits of her closet and also those he had never seen before. He rotated the glass in his hand, continually looking at her.

Reggie turned to Alishka before throwing a concerned glance in Ethan’s direction.

‘He’s been drinking too much.’

‘I know.’

‘I think he’s had enough.’

‘I’ll take care of it. Just, uh … can I get a scotch, neat?’

Reggie nodded before disappearing behind the bar. Ethan hadn’t responded to any of Alishka’s calls or messages, and after taking a wild guess, she had found him at Donahue’s, utterly drunk.

‘Whassamatter?’ Ethan asked after she took a seat beside him.

‘Nothing. Just wanted to make sure you were okay.’

‘Yeah,’ he said, straightening behind the bar. ‘Yez’m fine. How di’ you fin’m?’

‘Wasn’t it obvious?’ she asked, trying not to smile.

‘D’you know what?’ he said, leaning toward her. She lay a gentle hand on his thigh as he continued. ‘D’you know what, ‘Lishka?’

‘What?’ she asked. She held her lips together, overcome by a sudden, strong desire to giggle.

‘She should’a nev’ come back.’

She nodded.

‘Sorry. M’ pissed.’

‘It’s okay, Ethan.’

‘Don’ take much these days.’

‘No.’

‘She left ‘m. Yez. Left me,’ he said. Alishka stayed silent. ‘Lef’ me twenty’ive years ago, ‘nd now she fuckin came back. You should’a seen my father.’

He took a sip of his drink before she could pull the glass away.

‘She nev’ should’a come back. Left me. Lef’ ‘im.’

‘How much have you been drinking?’ she asked, pulling away his glass. He fixed her with an unfocused gaze.

‘You shouldn’t be ‘ere.’

‘Let me decide that. Have you eaten anything?’

‘Nuh. Haven’ eat’n anythin’.’

‘Do you want to? We could go home and eat something.’

‘Yeah we c’do,’ he said, shutting his eyes. ‘I don’ wan’ see ‘er.’

‘You won’t. C’mon. Let’s go home.’

‘What?’

‘Home. We are going home. Come on.’

He stood, tall, ungainly, swaying as he unfolded himself out of the space behind the counter and smiled at her. ‘Y’re a very nice p’son, you know that?’

She nodded, smiling at him. ‘Thank you. Shall we go now?’

She took his arm, and to her great relief, he came along meekly. She made a small nod at Reggie before they stepped outside.

Ethan groaned when the frozen air hit his face, almost like a slap he had felt in years. Thank goodness he had been drinking. The wind howled and blew and flakes kept landing in his eyes. At this rate, he wouldn’t stay drunk or long … or maybe he could, given the amount of alcohol he had consumed. He closed his eyes; letting Alishka lead him as her second hand circled his Rolex.

The cold wind was bitter, stinging her cheeks and ears as they walked down the empty streets. Ethan groaned again, leaning into her, walking unsteadily.

‘What you need is food,’ she said, brushing the snow off his olive jacket as he walked with his eyes half closed. ‘Sober you up.’

‘I don’ wan’ sober up,’ he muttered, overbalanced, saving himself from falling with several sidesteps, pulling her after him.

‘Come on,’ she said, leading him down the street as they passed the hospital. Inadvertently, her gaze drifted to the E.R. before going back to the street.

Ethan ran his free hand through his hair and rubbed his eyes. It was a game, a lie, it was all a lie. He was reminded, for the millionth time, of the anger that consumed him. The same anger he felt when he saw that woman in his ER. The same anger which he thought had pushed him forward for years. Only now, it didn’t feel the same.

Jesus Christ.

He rubbed his eyes again as they walked past Back Bay, and he felt Alishka tug at his arm. She rarely came to this part of town, but had to admit that the dark water white gleaming, broken ice shards on it’s surface looked magical. She noticed the snow caught in the leaves of trees, noticed how it covered the bare branches of some. She always loved snow, but now was not the time. She still had to get a very drunk Ethan home. She did not know how much he had been drinking, but the snow, or the chilly cold wind was doing little to help, and the full effect of all the alcohol he had consumed was still making itself felt.

Checking her watch, she saw that it was now twenty past one.

‘This iz wh’re it starts,’ he mumbled incoherently.

‘Where what starts?’ she asked as she guided him across the wooden bridge spanning the gulf in the road.

‘Madness. I’m gon’ lose ‘m mind.’

‘No. You are not.’

‘Hm. Funny.’

She sighed. His voice rang out in the otherwise silent night, but she managed to persuade him to keep his voice down as he alternated between talking and mumbling, occasionally digressing to tell her how nice she was. She kept her head low to prevent the soft, feathery flakes from landing in her eyes. Each of their steps landed in the dusting of snow on the pavement. They were mainly guided by the blinky traffic lights which cut a stark yellow path through the dark. Silence regained for atleast fifteen minutes because talking took energy they needed just to keep going. Besides, Alishka was trying intently not to let any cold air inside her, and failing sometimes because of Ethan.

They were in the South End again; the streets looking far whiter then they’d when he drove to the hospital that morning. The difference between now and then was so jarring that that world felt like a separate reality. They were almost at the turning into Jeffery Street when he stopped again, still swaying like a tree in the wind, and told her that that woman was shameless, that she’d come back just to mess with him, that it was all her game.

He stumbled near the elevator of his apartment and Alishka had to hold him steady. It crawled to a stop as they reached his floor, and she fished the keys out of his pockets, leading him inside, where he almost collapsed onto the couch. She turned on the light before making him stand up and led him to the bedroom.

He sat on the bed, holding onto her hands.

‘Stay ple’se, can you?’ he asked as she helped him out of his jacket, his head falling forward, pressing his face against her stomach, before he fell back on the bed.

‘Oh no no,’ she said, pulling him back up, making him sit upright again. ‘Do you want something to eat?’

‘No. No. ‘M fine now. Stay, can you?’

‘No, Ethan, I have to work. I’ll come by tomorrow, okay?’

‘Mmkay. I gotta be sick.’

With that, he fell back on the bed again. She took off his soaked shoes and put them aside. Sitting next to him for a few minutes, she observed his silent, sleeping figure before taking hold of his deep-blue comforter and covering him with it. She pressed a soft kiss to his forehead, turned off the lights and started back to her apartment, accompanied by the lone whistle of the wind and a pewter pink sky.

**********

Thank you for reading if you made it this far.

[estellaelysian]

Off the table

This really was something to write. It falls under angst, but I don’t know if i should even call it that or is it more horrible. I don’t really know. I feel miserable after writing this, but it just occupied my mind and I couldn’t get it out.

Please don’t read it if angst triggers you.

Song to listen to: Off the table - Ariana Grande, Better off - Ariana Grande

The sky was an odious grey, deep and mournful, and angry clouds, pregnant with rain held back their load, expectant, waiting. Alishka breathed in deeply as she filled a small leather holdall with the things she thought would be necessary for her two day trip, which she was going to face with a rock hard mind. But it wasn’t entirely possible, or that easy even. She had been with a conflict with herself about this trip from the beginning, but she had to go. She couldn’t not go and despise herself forever for not paying a final respect to that old woman who deserved it; all of it, and who had almost loved her like a mother would love her child.

Kathleen John was a senior nurse at the Edenbrook Hospital – a seventy-two year old with an infectious smile and a motherly heart. In the one year Alishka had known her, she had been one of the biggest supports Alishka had had in the hospital, to lean on in times of despair and hardship. Kathleen would get along with almost everyone, because she was quick to laugh, witty and because she could talk about almost anything. They had kept in touch even after she left everything behind. Kathleen would be closest anyone could ever get to her mother in Boston. Kathleen would be missed greatly.

Alishka knew Kathleen would’ve wanted her to go. She was who Alishka was going for.

Alishka’s hair now wrestled free from the poor braid she had attempted to lock them in, cascading down her shoulders in a glossy waterfall. She tossed a thick length behind her shoulders and continued packing before realizing that it was pointless. She turned to the mirror, staring at her green-eyed reflection in a moment of crazy resolution to never look at her the same way again, which crumbled to the floor the next moment. How could she not? It was like she was cursed, like the universe was waiting to watch her fall and leave.

No. she wouldn’t let those feelings in again. She had, once, and it was devastating enough.

Her arms strained from having to braid her hair over and over again, which, no matter how many times she tried, loosened from her grip.

‘Alishka, are you done?’ her mother asked, her voice ringing out in the suburban house.

‘Almost,’ Alishka lied. ‘I am trying to braid my hair.’

She was so engrossed in trying to get it right this time that she didn’t even notice her mother walk into the room. Her fingers worked quickly as she unraveled Alishka’s hair and braided them once again. ‘It’s okay to ask for help sometimes, sweetie. But I know you are too stubborn for your own good so…’

She turned around to find a wistful smile on her mother’s face.

‘Come downstairs,’ she said, patting Alishka’s shoulder affectionately. ‘Dinner is ready.’

‘I’ll be two minutes. I just need to finish up some stuff here.’

‘Very well, I’ll be downstairs then.’

She nodded and turned back to the half-packed holdall, staring at it for a blank moment which seemed to stretch to an eternity, before picking up a few clothes from the bed and stuffing them in.

‘Mommy, I wanna go too,’ said a mellifluous voice, cutting through her confusion. Alicia made a face from the doorway as Alishka looked up from where she was packing on the other side of the room, as if already knowing she was going to say no.

‘Honey, it is a funeral. What are you going to do there?’

‘I want to pay my respect,’ she said, looking down at her hands.

‘You didn’t know her, sweetie.’

‘But you did. And you’ve told me sooo many stories about her, I feel like I know her too. Please, Mommy, let me come too. Please?’

Alishka already knew she was going to regret this very much. And yet…

‘Okay, I’ll allow you to come if you be nice and help your Nana with setting up the table today.’

‘Okay, Mommy, I’ll go help her.’

‘Go on then. She is waiting downstairs.’

She disappeared from the room, and Alishka was left alone with her wretched thoughts.

What was she going to do?

***

They had dinner at the back patio, and afterward, Alishka washed the dishes and her mother dried them.

‘I am taking Alicia with me,’ Alishka said, trying to bring a note of confidence in her voice, but mustering none.

Her mom looked up at her with a skeptical face, setting aside the dish in her hand. ‘Are you sure you are up to that Alishka?’

Even after making so many attempts at hiding every feeling she was going through, it felt as if her mom saw right through her. As if she knew just what Alishka was thinking about.

‘Yeah, Ma,’ she looked away, avoiding her mother’s heavy gaze, a horrible feeling settling in the pit of her stomach. Her mind dived back into the memories, mostly back at that day when she was sitting at the back patio, crying, shaken to the core by what had happened. The day when she had let everything out in an unstoppable rush of words and tears, and the day when her mom had comforted her, put her to sleep, just like she would when Alishka was a kid.

A soft hand on her shoulder brought her back to the present, to the relentless noise of rushing water and clanking of vessels.

‘Honey, do you really think it’s too late?’

***

Alicia pressed a kiss on Fredo’s forehead. ‘Fredo, don’t trouble Nana much, don’t ruin any couch cushions, don’t chew out any pens and … read your medical journals!’

The golden doodle looked up at her with big brown eyes, and Alishka chuckled at the sight before her. ‘Okay, come on, bub its time to go. Say goodnight to your Nana.’

‘Goodnight Nana. Buh-bye. I’ll be back soon, I promise.’

Alishka’s mom laughed. ‘Okay sweetie. I love you.’

‘I love you too.’

Alicia ran to the Jeep and slid in, strapped the seat-belt and waited patiently as Alishka spoke to her mom.

‘Alishka, call me when you get there, okay? And tell me if anything–’

‘I will Ma, don’t worry,’ she said leaning in for a quick hug. ‘Take care.’

‘I will. Be careful. I love you.’

‘Love you too.’

***

A cold December wind was blowing and Alishka crossed her arms as she stared out over the water. She found herself alone at the bay; it was 5:07A.M., and Alicia was sleeping in the car, and though she had spent almost twenty-one hours driving here with only two breaks, she scarcely remembered the trip. Her appetite was gone, her stomach in knots, and yet, she had stopped for food once because of Alicia, and besides, she would need it to make the drive, and at 4A.M., she fetched a coffee for herself.

She wondered if she was doing the right thing, bringing Alicia with her. Her heart fluttered at the thought of him, but the feeling was almost immediately replaced by that of disgust and pain.

She would never be ready for him.

The bay glittered under her thoughtful gaze. She could head to the hotel now, but she wanted a minute to herself before everything went crashing down. She knew it would. There was no way out of this mess for her. Not then, not now, even when she thought she had saved herself, rescued herself, protected herself from getting hurt anymore. But no. She was cursed, and so was her love.

Sighing heavily, she thought about the funeral. There was no way he wouldn’t be there. Maybe she shouldn’t have brought Alicia with her, but now it was too late to think about that. She had planned to stay overnight at first, but no. Looking at the bay and the dull Boston skyline, she knew she didn’t want to stay. She would leave immediately after the services were over.

***

The day brought with it the lingering gloom from last night, grey and colorless, as if it knew, much more than anyone, that it was a day of mourning. She absentmindedly touched the lace neck of her black dress before pulling her hair into a messy ponytail. Could people see it in her eyes? Could they tell? Or had she been successful in hiding seven years worth of pain?

She didn’t know.

‘Mommy, I want to bring this to the funeral,’ Alicia said, padding over, holding a small white oblong.

‘What is it, honey?’

‘It’s the note Kathleen Nana gave you, when you were an intern. I brought it with me. Is it okay if I bring it to the funeral and put it on…’

Alicia looked away sadly, and Alishka made a small smile at her daughter’s thoughtfulness. Sometimes it reminded her of him, but she had grown used to ignoring those feelings, for better or for worse. He had wanted to have nothing to do with her anyway, didn’t he?

‘Okay, sweetheart, you can. I don’t mind. But …’

‘I know,’ she mumbled, looking up at her. ‘I have to be nice and not talk to strangers, even if you have told me stories about them, and I have to be quiet, not talk too much.’

Another half smile. ‘Good, sweetie. I love you.’

‘I love you too Mommy.’

‘Can I have a hug, Alicia?’

She walked over as Alishka kneeled and wrapped her small arms around her. Alishka knew there would come a day when she would consider herself to old for such displays, which is why she squeezed tighter, letting the hug linger more than usual.

***

Ethan made imperceptible adjustments to his tie as he stood before the mirror, nervous and unsettled, staring at his empty blue eyes, lacking any emotion, now that he noticed it. Was it always this way? Was he always this cold? If not, then when did it change?

He didn’t know. As far as he was concerned, he had nothing left anymore. Nothing. He couldn’t save Dolores, he couldn’t save Kathleen, he couldn’t do anything right.

He couldn’t stop her…

Nor could he stop himself.

He wished he had died instead. Atleast he would be released from this pain he felt, from the memories which haunted him every night. Atleast he would get a pass, and a chance to fix everything in the next one.

If only he was given a chance that good.

But maybe he would ruin that too, just like he had ruined everything else.

He looked up at his own eyes again, his mind flitting back, almost unstoppably, to the last time he ever saw her, at Donahue’s, before leaving for Amazon. That was it. The final blow to her feelings, and his unbreakable wit and ego, which, finally had found a way to be shattered into a million pieces, which could not be restored. Not anymore.

Sighing, he reached stepped outside the en-suite, feeling numb and empty. A half hearted glance at his bed had him thinking that it was too big for his liking, and he wondered why he never noticed it before. He hated sleeping in it after returning from Amazon.

May be losing her meant losing himself too. No, it didn’t mean so. It was so. He had lost her the day he decided to leave for Amazon.

He hadn’t seen her after that. She had broken every string that tied her to him and disappeared into thin mist, nowhere to be found, no one knowing about it. Her friends were as clueless about where she had gone as he was. He dreaded the fact that he had not known enough about her. For all the time they had been together, in all the things they had talked, she had never mentioned much about her family. He knew she was from California, and he had tried looking too, only to fail miserably. She was not there. She was nowhere. She was gone, and she would never come back.

It was unbearable. The whole thing. He tried calling her, thinking about what he would say if she answered, but the number had been deactivated. The last few days they had spent together blurred into a mess, as if the pleasure of remembering had been taken away from him, because there was no longer anyone to remember with. It was like losing every memory he had made with her, now that he had lost her.

So he went back to being the person he was before she came along – a terrifying attending with no feelings, whatsoever, of his own. And quite soon, he realized that wasn’t true. He had feelings. She brought them out in him. She brought out his better side.

Without her, he lacked a better side.

He stuffed his wallet and keys in his pockets and left the house, the door banging the frame with a loud bang.

With no perception of what was about to be, he headed outside, into a storm he had created for himself years ago.

***

The funeral service was small and attracted a dozen mourners, which stood huddled under giant black umbrellas with blank, expressionless faces as they stared at the ground in silence. The rain did not last for long, but how did it matter anyway? Kathleen’s children stood next to the coffin, hugging everybody as they passed by. For a while, he just watched people as they walked up to the coffin, all these people he had never seen before kneeling down next to her, look at her for a while, maybe crying. He had only really known Kathleen and her children, and those were who he came for. He knew she would’ve wanted him to come.

A little girl made her way over, putting a small white note on the coffin and whispered something before walking back and disappearing into the black-clad crowd. He did not know why, but he choked up at the sight. It was incredible, given how emotionally resigned he was at that time, and yet, when he tried to find that girl, looking back, he did not find her.

The next few moments were mostly a jumble to him; he did not remember much of what the priest spoke as he stood behind the coffin; he did not remember the minister calling up people and them making their eulogies. He did not remember much of when exactly the funeral service ended, or when people started to disperse. Everything happening there seemed to stark and yet blurred together, somehow, but that was until he rose from his seat and decided to leave too, and that’s when he saw her.

Standing near the rear pew, was a beautiful girl, with long dark brown hair and green eyes, the woman he fell for seven years ago, and the one he decided to hurt in the worst way possible.

But how?

She must’ve been in touch with Kathleen, he thought. His first instinct was to walk away, just like he had, years ago, but something about that sight made his throat choke up. It was the little girl from earlier, her hand clasped tightly in Alishka’s.

Maybe she had married and settled down after all, with someone loving her like the way she deserved to be loved.

But then the girl caught his eye.

And he felt like a huge blow had been delivered to his face, just as he recognized every single of her features mirroring his own.

No, this was a delusion. This was not the truth.

No no no no no…

It couldn’t be.

And then she recognized him, as if she’d already known about him all her life. He watched as she tugged at Alishka’s hand, as Alishka bent down, as she listened to what the little girl whispered before pointing toward him, and finally, Alishka looking up at him, pain clear in her eyes like a plastic sleeve.

He started walking toward them, he did not know why. He saw Alishka take a hesitant step back before steeling herself, and another blow was delivered to his guts when he saw tears streaking her face.

He did not know, and he would never know, what exactly brought him to his knees at the sight of the girl – the striking resemblance of his own features he saw in her own or the need he felt to get on eye-level with her, or the sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach which made him feel too weak to stand.

**********

A/N: Let’s assume there was an elderly nurse in Edenbrook in the intern ear of Alishka

A/N 2: This happens in some sort of an AU where Alishka left Boston when Ethan went to Amazon.

A/N 3: I decided to stop here. I was planning to put this out as a three-part mini series, but couldn’t resist myself. Besides, it’s nothing if not the whole thing. Should I write more? I don’t know. Let me know.

Tagging: @tenaciouslandvoidgiant​ @choicesaddict5​ @schnitzelbutterfingers​

[estellaelysian]

Off the table - Part 2

I am gonna torture y’all a little cause you asked me for more. Here’s my more.

Enjoy ;)

At that moment, the world felt quite still. The universe looked down upon those three, two of the most precious lovers it had lost years ago, and the symbol of their love, no more than six years old, caught in the crossfire, because he had been stupid enough to run away to Amazon, and because she had decided she didn’t want to bother him anymore.

Why was this happening?

And how? How could it…

He had a daughter…

He had had a daughter for the past six years of his life, and what was it that he had done? Abandoned her?

How could he?

And how did this make him any different from his mother, who he hated and despised?

No.

This couldn’t be.

It just couldn’t be.

In that moment, it was as if he was robbed of all words, as if he had lost the ability to speak. The silence was deafening in the middle of the deserted cemetery, and the clouds thundered, threatening to give out their load as his mind jumped from conclusion to conclusion, rippling n the process.

And then came the rain, accompanied by two bolts of thunder, drenching them completely in seconds. Alishka took a step back, hesitated, then took another, and Alicia followed her, as they walked in the direction of the Jeep which was parked by a lone tree at the far end of the cemetery.

Although Ethan felt he had no strength at all, he rose to his feet and followed them as they hurriedly made their way over to the car. He couldn’t abandon them. Not this time.

***

Once glance over her shoulder was enough to tell her that Ethan was following them.

‘Go to the car, sweetie. Get inside and close the door. You don’t want to be sick, do you?’

‘No, Mommy. Can you give me the keys?’

She handed her the keys and saw as she ran off, following close behind.

She should’ve ran too, just like he had, years ago, but somehow, she couldn’t muster enough strength. It was all she could do to walk straight without tripping over her own feet, the heels already making it hard to walk on the sloppy earth.

Walk faster, her mind told her over and over again, in an endless chanting. Walk faster if you don’t want to shatter again. It only took you so long to pull yourself together.

But he beat her to it. Before she could open the driver-side door and get inside and lock it, he caught her by the elbow, forcing her to look at him even when she didn’t want to.

‘Alishka stop. Please, please stop.’

She shook her head, refusing to meet his gaze. ‘No. Leave me alone, please. I have to go.’

‘Don’t, don’t please. Listen to me, Alishka, please, don’t go.’

‘Listen to what Ethan? About how you want to leave us again? Don’t bother! We are going anyway. You won’t have to deal with us.’

‘No, please, Alishka, let me explain.’

‘Explain what? What was my mistake exactly? Was I wrong for wanting us to make it, that you felt the need to leave me and go to Amazon? If you didn’t want anything to do with me, you could’ve just told me. I would’ve left. You didn’t need to take the pain to go to the Amazon because of me.’

‘No, it’s not like that–’

‘Please. Save it. I don’t want to listen, let me go. Please.’

She twisted away from his grip, getting frighteningly close to the car. He couldn’t if she drove away.

He just couldn’t…

But wasn’t that exactly what he had done so many years ago?

‘Alishka, stop, stop please, stop,’ he said, reaching for her arm again. When she turned around to face him, her face was streaked with tears.

‘What do you want Ethan? What do you want from me? What more do you think I can give you? You didn’t want me in your life, so I left. Now what more do you want of me?’

‘No, no it’s not like that. Please, listen to me, it was never like that. I left because–’

‘Keep it with you, please. I don’t wanna know. And let go off me.’

‘Listen, please. You want me to let go, I’ll let go, but please, I deserve a chance. Give me one chance to speak, I’ll explain everything, I’ll tell you everything, I’ll answer every question you want to ask me.’

‘I don’t care, anymore, Ethan. I have heard enough, had you have reached your quota of chances. Please, leave me be.’

‘What about her?’ he asked, shamelessly nodding toward his daughter, their daughter sitting in the passenger seat of the silver Jeep. ‘She needs her father, too.’

‘WELL SHE NEEDED HIM SIX YEARS AGO TOO! I NEEDED YOU! WHAT DID YOU DO? RUN OFF TO AMAZON? AND HOW DOES IT MATTER NOW? SHE SURVIVED SIX YEARS WITHOUT YOU, AND SHE WILL MORE, IF SHE HAS TO!’

‘Alishka, please, don’t be like this. Listen to me please, I beg you.’

She turned around to face him, her cheeks streaked with mascara as she cried and spoke through her ragged sobs. ‘I can’t Ethan… I can’t deal with this all over again. The first time was hard enough, and I can’t go through it now. It only took me so long to get back on my feet, and I don’t want to lose myself again. I can’t … I just can’t.’

‘You won’t have to, I promise. Just please, let me talk to you once. Please.’

She looked at him, resignation as clear in her eyes as the pain. There was a very slight, if not none chance that she would say yes to meet him.

Though she wasn’t so sure about trusting Ethan, Alicia needed her father.

And even she loved him, didn’t she?

‘Goodbye, Dr. Ramsey.’

He flinched at her formality, as if being slapped in the face. She wasn’t doing this really, was she?

**********

I promise there is more coming.

Tagging: @tenaciouslandvoidgiant​ @choicesaddict5​ @schnitzelbutterfingers​

[sophxwithers]

Your writing is stunning absolutely beautiful❤️ I love how you write Ethan I think you nailed how he loves so intensely but also very quietly and from a distance. Like how he could tell she was happy from just her smile and her hum and how he was so affected by her fleeting touch. It was so sweet how he wished the day away so he could be with her freely. Him talking of how Alishka saved him after his mother’s abandonment made him build those walls was heartbreaking but then so beautiful at the same time and then him cuddling her in his office at the end of the day was the cutest.

My favourite line by far was “she was where he found solace. His passion began and ended with her... she was the one for him” girl you got me so good with that line. Enough to make a girl cry (and it did🥺)

I just adored every second of this. Please please please add me to your tags❤️

Their song (Ethan x MC)

He saw her in the hallway, reading a chart in her hands as her dusky rose painted lips curled up into a perfect smile.

He wished he could take her hand and lead her outside the hospital right now, without asking anyone, without saying anything, just leave.

Instead, he watched with focus as she started down the hallway in his direction, still lost in the chart.

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