#alfred puts a condom with a batman logo on it on bruce’s nightstand and promptly pretends not to have heard the news
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gotham citizen 1: dude did you hear the news?? bruce wayne is fuckin’ batman!
gotham citizen 2: bruce wayne is having sex with batman?!?
#batman#dc comics#bruce wayne#luckily everyone in gotham shares one brain cell so the latter is the story that ends up spreading#the gotham gazette ends up reporting on ‘bruce wayne’s sex scandal’ in a shocking exposé#dick appears on several talk shows to discuss what it was like growing up with batman as his co-parent#jason buys out a whole newsstand and frames each copy#tim holds a W.E. press conference to express how much it means to him to have such prominent bisexual icons to look up to#stephanie tweets out her support for the couple along with the links to several batman/bruce wayne ao3 fics#cass enthusiastically encourages the rumors with thumbs ups and side eyes and knowing looks and smiles to any camera that points her way#duke keeps a list of facts he made up about the relationship and everytime the press asks him to comment he picks a random one to read off#damian is furious and demands that everyone stop this charade instantly#barbara insists on referring to batman only as ‘bruce wayne’s boyfriend’ and vice versa#alfred puts a condom with a batman logo on it on bruce’s nightstand and promptly pretends not to have heard the news#bruce is so tired
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