#alex x amos x holden x naomi

[gunkreads]

Making a post for my full-series thoughts about The Expanse and how it wrapped up, good and bad.

Caveat lector (I looked up the latin word for "reader" just for this joke): when I have negative thoughts about something in a book, I force myself to pick them apart down to the most minute details. This generates massive walls of text. These text walls don't mean I truly loathe the thing; they mean I'm doing my absolute best to not be a Hater, but rather to analyze my feelings so that you can read something more constructive and interesting than "X was dumb and didn't work".

I want to break this down into six parts: one for each of the main characters (Holden, Naomi, Amos, and Alex), one for the plot, and one for the world (it'll make sense when I get to it, hopefully). This may not be as long as it sounds like it'll be, but it's still long as fuck.

Bear in mind that I read this series very slowly, over about three months, so some of the early-series details are hazy and my opinions on them should be taken with the assumption that I've forgotten some stuff.

On Holden, I can be brief:

His arc was almost a full 180. Call it a 173, give or take 5 degrees. Holden starts the series with the stalwart belief that "if you give everyone all the information available, they'll make the right choice". Eventually, during the Free Navy arc, he moves to "If you give everyone all the information available, they'll eventually make the right choice". During his Laconian imprisonment, he moves to "If you give the right person the right information, they'll make the right choice" (this is the biggest jump we see). That part was fun because he'd just almost turned into Miller. Fucking excellent.

He ends on "I have all the information and I have no idea what the right choice is, but I have to act." This is the very last thing he does: make a snap decision with all the information in the world, fully accepting that he might be wrong. The meat of this final decision is to take the stars away. Holden says "It doesn't matter if we deserve this, it doesn't matter if we'll earn it or conquer it eventually; we're dying now," and makes the decision for all of humanity that he's going to destroy the ring gates.

This could have felt cheap because of the way it completely absolves him of the responsibility for his decision, but it feels fully earned because this type of decision is his ENTIRE CHARACTER. The point of James Holden is that he takes hard choices away from people and makes them himself! He's already taken responsibility for dozens of these types of decisions before. He says there's no choice here; I'm going off to die. He survives this a hundred times, then finally dies from it. This makes it a beautiful ending for him. I loved it. He's such a profoundly simple character throughout a series with fairly complex characters, and that makes him feel truly special rather than lazy writing.

On Naomi... I have mixed feelings.

I feel that her lack of "epilogue" (not the literal epilogue, just a conclusive send-off for her character) made her ending less weighty than it could have been. If I had to point to a specific line that felt like her full-series character arc's climax, it would be Alex's "It would have worked beautifully" in reference to Naomi's program to monitor Ring gate traffic. Naomi's character is marked by decades of desperate cries for people to fucking listen to her, for them to believe her, that she wants everyone to live! She has the plan, she's objectively a logistical genius, and if you just tell her what's happening, she can save all of you fucking idiots! Alex's line there broke my heart clean in half. She won the wrong fight. She scored the season-winning goal the moment after the league was dismantled.

Naomi is a character about the frustration of having an answer but no voice with which to share it. This really comes to a head in Act 3, when she's coordinating the resistance (as well as anyone possibly could!) with the most janky, fucked-up communication system anyone could possibly design. If I consider that line of Alex's to be Naomi's legacy in the series, which I do, I'm very happy with her arc overall, but...

I don't really like the way she seemed to just drop off the map at the end of the last book. She has her little moment where she's pre-mourning Holden after he's revealed that he's injected himself with more protomolecule, but after that? She seems to just be... kind of moving forward. She's just working, nothing more--strategically, what she does in the series' climax is no more difficult than anything she's done before; it just has higher stakes and she's clearly drowning her grief in work. The thing that feels weird to me is that, while she gets the last line in the book (pre-epilogue), and her series-long arc closes out very neatly, it feels like her little mini-arc of the moment of that final climax never settles out properly. She gets cut off at the 80% mark and just... disappears.

I like to assume that she fully retired after getting back through to Sol. She deleted all those incoming messages and dropped herself fully off the map, feeling like it was finally time to give up after saving the entire universe. The simple act of her deleting the messages would've given me that closure, but as it was, there's just this little nag at the back of my mind that her arc in the book ended like five seconds too early.

It's a minor nitpick! I loved the way the climax wrapped around and had her basically leading humanity for a few beautiful moments, with all her hard work almost paying off before the game changed.

Amos? I fucking love Amos.

I loved him before, I loved him during, and I love him after. Everyone loves Amos. I'm not special. He really was the last man standing, after all. Fucking beautiful. Perfection. A simple arc, a simple conclusion, and a simple message for a simple character. His only real change in the series was during Persepolis Rising, when he had to deal with Clarissa's slow death, and while that was excellent, it was really more of an arc for Bobbie.

Alex... is the character whose ending I cared about the least.

I don't dislike it; it's fully above that margin, and on a surface level, I think ending his whole character arc on his answer to the family problem he's struggled with his whole life is a good choice.

It was interesting that they had his presence end before we'd confirmed he was safe, and with a slight hint that he might not make it to Nieuwestad. I didn't like that at first glance, but after further thought, I enjoy it as a way for the authors to say "the journey and destination don't matter; the conclusion of Alex's story was when he truly chose to step in this direction."

But overall, I don't know if I have much to say about Alex. He's a very sparse character who has less overt reason to be simple than Holden or Amos do; the latter two both have something deeply, deeply wrong with them that makes them really fucking wacko in a specific way, but Alex is just... kind of a regular deadbeat dad? He's just really into flying ships? That's kind of it. I know they explore that in Cibola Burn, but I didn't feel like Alex had that much presence in the whole story as a character, so I found the simple, vague ending they gave him satisfying enough through my general apathy.

For the plot!

The big stuff, the shape of the story. I still have a huge complaint about it: the Free Navy arc felt way too long and way too much of a sidetrack. It functioned as setup for Laconia, yes; it also had literally nothing to do with the overarching story. It felt like a side mission blown out of proportion, which is weirdly appropriate for a story that started out as a TTRPG setting.

On the above? I am one HUNDRED percent willing to be proven wrong. Please, please, please talk me out of my position here. I am currently at one end of the spectrum, where I actively see disconnections from the Free Navy arc and the main plot; I'd love to be pulled to the other end, where I can see how it all ties in. The problem is that I can see the cause-and-effect tie-ins: I get that Earth needed to be destroyed to truly push people through the gates, I get that the huge catastrophe needed to happen to distract from Laconia's growth, I get that it was an end to the concept of a unified Belt/OPA, and I get that it was an immensely well-done arc for Naomi's character, but... I feel like it's a puzzle piece that just fits in a little loosely.

Moving on. I think the wrapup of the whole protomolecule makers/dark gods lore discovery (via Elvi at the BFE) was quite well done, especially given that it was done in such a dispersed way. I felt like I never got a "sit down, here's the deal" exposition dump of like... generally what the nature of all this stuff was. I was just expected to read the "The Dreamer" chapters very carefully, remember the "The Investigator" chapters pretty well, pay attention to how the ring entities worked, and put together the cleanly laid-out pieces myself. I feel I succeeded at this, given that reading through the wiki pages for the ring builders and the smoke things doesn't really reveal anything new to me.

That said, I was... kind of too in-the-moment to process how insane the implication of the final reveal was: that this whole thing was a hidden metaphor for colonialism all along, and that these dark smoke entities are justifiably fighting back against a wound in (sub)reality that the protomolecule builders created. The road to heaven is paved in metaphysical blood, I guess? The protomolecule builders weren't willing to be as decisive as Holden, weren't willing to sacrifice all they'd built, and consequently left their problems for another generation of beings when they died; Holden managed to have the magical willpower to say "Fuck this, I'm shutting it down, even though it'll kill millions and change humanity forever." It was kind of cool that he got that send-off, performing a profound act of healing in this sub-universe by deleting the ring space. Maybe I'm leaning too heavily on my interpretation of this theme, but it feels fairly clear-cut to me, honestly, so I'd love to hear other interpretations.

Regarding the world.

This section is kind of a subsection of the plot, but I feel like "where does the series leave humanity?" is a question that falls more under "worldbuilding" than "story" in this specific series.

These books had so much fucking philosophy in them and it felt like none of it really mattered much. Most of that philosophy stopped at a very broad-spectrum level of analysis, which is the series' greatest... not weakness, necessarily, but missed potential: no philosophical conundrum is ever interrogated beyond the immediate scenario or vague hypotheticals. The authors clearly have a very specific set of ideas about human nature that all felt very generic to me when put into practice; I felt that humanity through their lens was a fairly predictable beast, which only sort of worked.

I understand that The Expanse is, at its core, a character series. More than anything, it's about the people in it; its plot is a vehicle for characters, not the other way around. In that sense, it ended in an overall great way, as discussed above. Because of that, when I judge the story on what it tried to achieve, I think it succeeded.

But when I broaden my approach a little and look at what the authors suggested to me that they could do, I feel like there's more to say. The end of the story, I need not remind you, is effectively a soft reset for humanity. There's no more interstellar travel until they figure it out for real this time, with no cheats--and per the epilogue, they do just that. The core message behind this is that humanity's tenacity will always push them in the same direction: outward. The problem with this, in my opinion, was that the authors chose to express this throughout the series in a very obtuse way: by making "everyone else" a character.

The following is specifically regarding Act 3 (Persepolis Rising on):

So the series is about its characters, and "everyone else" is a character. By having the scope of the story affect all of humanity, all of humanity must necessarily be involved. As far as Act 3 is concerned, this means that the gears of industry never stop turning, people never stop hating and loving, and all apocalyptic danger is effectively ignored to those ends. This made our perspective characters part of a small, exclusive group of people who were actually worried about the universe ending. Everyone else seemed to... not really care. They were scared, sure, but they didn't stop shipping stuff through the ring gates! It was fundamentally stupid, and as far as the authors seem to believe, fundamentally human.

My problem is that the story puts "all of humanity" into the same framework it puts its individual characters. As Act 3 hits, basically everyone not involved in direct on-page conflict is treated as one single character. This is fucking monumentally ironic, given the way the story ends and the whole hive-mind thing. I get how you might not see what I'm seeing here, but consider this: the story feeds us information about what "everyone else" is doing almost exclusively via Naomi. She's the traffic controller; that's her main job for the last two books. In her mind, the character named Everybody Else (Mx. Else, for brevity) is just... doing stuff she can't control. Mx. Else is upping traffic through the ring gates; Mx. Else is a threat to the underground's security; Mx. Else is blowing up the communications relays; Mx. Else is yadda yadda yadda.

It's not about whether Mx. Else is actually supposed to be a homogeneous entity (again, lol @ the irony); it's about the fact that we, the readers, only see Mx. Else as a single huge force. The way the authors write it through Naomi's eyes, "The UNN", "The MCRN", "The OPA", "The Free Navy", "Laconia", "Avasarala", "Saba", "Duarte", and most incongruously but importantly "humanity" are all the same type of entity. Groups and people get lumped together as characters, sure, and that works--but not when you expand the group to be everyone.

What would I have done? Simple. Shut the fuck up and write my own book, if I'm so smart Retain some semblance of different human groups in Act 3 besides "Laconia" and "the underground". Why don't Auberon or Bara Gaon have communities with specific interests? Why does Naomi not have to juggle the desires of different planets, all of whom are still doing shit the whole time, and OBVIOUSLY have interests beyond "just truckin' along"?

Here's my thesis: when there were 3 factions (UN, MCR, OPA) this worked fine. When the authors made some big "nature of humanity" statement, it tracked, because they were making that statement as a blanket over multiple opposing groups, which made it feel more potent--all these people who want to kill each other have this in common. Later in the series, when they're making the same type of statement, it doesn't track as well because most of humanity is all in one group; it's not a statement that unites any opposing groups, really, since Laconia and the underground aren't really included in it.

You know what? I kind of wish I could put all this under another, smaller cut, because it's really rambly and it's not reflective of my overall thoughts on the series.

To sum up, I feel that the series' philosophy and commentary on human nature was simplified more than it needed to be from a practical standpoint, and instead turned to a big old "oh well, nothing we can do about Mx. Else" that the characters could point to when it was appropriate.

To conclude (nine pages later and you're still here, so this one's for you):

:)

[always-tilting-at-windmills]

[phantomstatistician]

Fandom: The Expanse

Sample Size: 520 stories

Source: AO3

[universalimagines]

I just finished watching The Expanse and I’ve got to say, it’s a hell of a show. Great characters l, well written world building, realistic physics for space travel and a jaw dropping story. (Plus the coolest ship I’ve seen, fuck yeah Rocinante)

Since I love this show so much now, I’m adding it and it’s characters to my list of shows/characters I write for so please send in those asks!!!

[captain-noir]

one of the drawbacks of the tv format is that we dont get to experience naomi’s inner thoughts which were so goddamn good in the books. her despair, her rage, her longing and one of my favourite moments - 

where she is trying on different masks because everybody is constantly watching her, wondering at her loyalties, testing her and waiting for her reaction and so she thinks what would amos do? and she channels him, throwing off her captors and putting them on the back foot.

and later still, locked in her room and trying to come up with an escape plan, she keeps chanting to herself what would alex do? what would amos do? what would jim do? what would I do?

and i remember so vividly reading that and just...the gut punch of how much the roci crew need each other and how well they work as a unit and how much they rely on each other and how unmoored they are apart

[diane-w]

undefined

“Ma’am, for the first time in your life please just shut your damn mouth!” Aww Chrisjen was so anxious for Bobbie. And Amos expression. Not sure if he wants to join her, is admiring her bravery or is trying to understand her sacrifice.

[itmightrain]

Jim and Naomi had to be tricked into family dinner. Amos not so much.

[caribbeanmomma]

The Expanse - Naomi on the sidelines

I’m hoping that anyone and everyone is watching this awesome show. Maybe it’s because I love me a good scifi show (cue Battlestar Gallactica and Star Trek theme songs...). My only issue with the show is that I can’t watch this in one go like my other faves on Netflix. 

I’m sure everyone that loves the show have probably gone back and rewatched the episodes before season 3 started (amirite? Or is it only me?). This second time around gave me a lot to chew on when thinking about how the crew - mainly Holden - is treating Naomi.

Now, I haven’t read the books and am actually planning to, so I don't know what’s to come in the series (if they stick mainly to the book plot) apart from they supposedly are still together 6 books in? But for right now, Naomi is getting a rough handling by her family.

Yes, yes... we all know that she gave a sample of the protomolecule to Fred Johnson. Was she right? I’m not sure if she should have given it to him (better him than Dawes?) but we do know that he was manipulated in to killing those people on the Anderson Station and we saw that he had guilt and regret over it, so he may not be the biggest worst monster out there? Will he do the right thing with the protomolecule or will he really live up to his reputation as the Butcher of Anderson Station?

Anyways, back to Naomi... so one of the last sweet scenes we see between her and Holden is where he promised her “he’d love her through it all” but when she confesses what she’s done - he, along with one of the other most important persons in her life - Amos, turn on her vehemently. In the last episode, we see Holden basically telling her to leave. That certainly isn’t loving someone through it all.

What grinds my gears is that Holden, in his well placed mistrust of Fred Johnson, could not or would not see Naomi’s point of view or at least understand that her fears for the Belt and the Belters is warranted. Neither he nor Amos (who are both Earthers) nor Alex who is a Martian seemed to even bother to see the Belters as worthy as needing protection - preferring to lean towards a more wholistic approach to dealing with the war. All this even though Mars has a big hand in the events that have unfolded - even going as far as unleashing a hybrid on their own Martian Marines.

And another thing - yes, Fred Johnson using the protomolecule as a weapon against Earth and Mars would lead to more death something that everyone on the ship now including Chrisjen are furious about - but were they equally furious at the possibility of even more Belters being killed with it by Earth and Mars’ hands? Weren’t the Belters experimented on first?

Right, so having said all of that, and understanding that Holden does feel betrayed by Naomi for misleading him all this time AND bearing in mind that the sample that was supposed to be hurtled in to the sun was thought to be the last bit of it at the time (but subsequently finding out that it was indeed was NOT), can we truly say she has done the worst of the worst among this group of deeply flawed individuals? I say not. Case in point - some of the things these guys have done:

Holden - responds to the distress beacon against orders which in turn gets the whole thing rolling ever so much faster. He got everyone left on the Cant killed and Naomi covered for him until he was ready to reveal it to Amos, Alex and the guy who died fairly early on (forget his name!). I do wonder though, would Holden have covered for Naomi when Chrisjen was ripping in to them for allowing Fred Johnson to get his hands on the sample? At least Naomi gets a few reasons out for her actions without anyone shutting her up... again.

Miller - when presented with the opportunity to learn from one of the crazy scientists who was responsible for the protomolecule experiments, what does he do? He shoots him clean in the head - no real compelling reason apart from he was one of the dudes who killed Julie - a woman he’d never met while she was alive. The doctor could have helped - he made sure that didn’t happen. And wasn’t he considered to be a traitor to the Belters? Did Naomi care about that?

Prax - when presented with a room full of unarmed doctors who might have been able to lead them to his daughter and the location of more of the protomolecule, what does he do? He opens fire on them leading to yet another sh*t show. Uh, how do dead doctors help you find your daughter Prax? Yeah, thought so.

Amos - he doesn’t really do anything that I can remember that sets them back significantly but he’s guilty of not trying to see Naomi’s side and easily ignores and dismisses her. He who seems to be barely holding on to his sanity most episodes and he does this knowing Naomi’s got his back. No loyalty.

Alex - he also hasn’t done anything with regards to the mission that sets them back, but he is a lousy father and husband and has failed them on a deep level but Naomi doesn’t seem to judge him for it (luckily, he redeems himself by being anxious when he sees her looking at the path to Tycho while on the Razor Back and then reaching out to her through food - yay Alex!)

So these guys really aren’t blameless. Even Chrisjen is a manipulative person and sometimes you can hardly tell what her real agenda is - she has so many subplots going she’s always ten steps ahead. But Naomi sees clean through her though.

Bobbie is a defector - yes, she did what she did for what she thought were the right reasons. I didn’t get the impression she was going to be killed back on Mars, rather stripped from her rank as a Marine. Her people consider her a traitor but she’s being cheered for doing the right thing.

I’m going to close this dissertation by saying, I know that for the sake of the story and plot and in order not to turn the whole thing in to a space soap opera, there needs to be this conflict and some time taken to resolve it in order for it to stay true to what kind of show it primarily is. Doesn’t mean that it doesn’t suck though. Maybe we’ll see some steps closer to resolution in the next episode.

[princessamericachavez]

I want everyone currently watching the Expanse to be aware that the book this season is based on (the 5th on the series) is the first one where we get Amos/Alex/Naomi POV chapters and that during their time apart they kept:

1. Downright yearning for their Roci family. So much longing. So much referring to the others as family and counting the seconds to return.

2. Doing everything in their power to get back to the others as the world falls apart.

3. Worrying about the others being alright during the chaos and trying desperately to contact each other, make sure everyone is alive and help/save each other however they can even at great personal risk. Holden has a especially hard time worrying about Amos (he convinced himself he HAS to have survived because, well, he is Amos) and trying his damn best to respect Naomi’s space (in the book he doesn’t know about Marco or Philip yet so all he knows is she left on personal business and he is a respectful king who is worried out of his mind and just waiting for her to text :( until the angst of her captivity finally reaches him)

4. Constantly, when in doubt or a particularly complicated situation, asking themselves “What would X do?”. (And this is my favorite thing, alright). Like, Amos tries to imagine Naomi’s advice when he needs empathy and Holden’s when he needs a moral compass. Alex keeps trying to be as apparently self assured as Holden and as brave as Amos. Naomi mentally tells herself what Amos would say during her captivity to help her keep a cool head and survive. Holden keeps longing for everyone’s grounding presence and warmth. They are so ingrained into each other’s lives that even at a distance they keep trying to conjure that support when the world is falling apart.

Anyway. If you haven’t read this books, you definitely should because all the found family feels are dialed up a million percent. This disasters (Holden most of all) are soft dorks whose inner monologue at least 60% of the time is “god, I love my friends more than anything in this universe.”

[radley-writes]

okay so... who... do you ship.... in th Expanse

HGGG NO YOU CAN’T ASK ME THAT IT’S EVIL

I basically have... three tiers of ships? 

1) It’s canon/practically canon

Naomi/Holden! The obvious one. You can’t get through this series and not ship them. Can you?? I mean, they’re a loving, competent power couple with a beautiful slow-burn. Their relationship arc isn’t quite Enemies to Lovers, but it’s definitely Opposing Sides to Lovers, so there’s some glorious moral tension there. And just. Healthy relationships! Where they respect each other’s space and always have each other’s back (especially in the novels)! Yes??? 

Naomi/Drummer! They had a thing!! You can FEEL IT!!! I don’t ship them as a Current Relationship, because no way would Drummer be into Holden sorry Holden and they’re both Too Professional but it’s GOD TIER QUEER YEARNING and I thrive 

Chrisjen/Arjun! Old and gold. Another power couple. Their interactions soften my heart, even when they’re on opposite sides of the solar system. Arjun just... melts Chrisjen out of her hardass shell. T.T

Anna/Namono! my wlw wifey darlings! Would kill for them, die for them, etc. Too precious for words.

Michio Pa/all her husbands & wives! Nuff said, queer poly awesomeness.

Miller/Julie! HAHA JUST KIDDING, WE DO NOT STAN FALLING IN LOVE WITH WOMEN WE’VE NEVER MET WHO ARE HALF OUR AGE no hate on folx who ship it, you do you

2) It’s never gonna be canon and I respect that but I would still read an epic fanfic about them

Naomi/Holden/Alex/Amos! Because poly relationships are already so accepted and normalised in The Expanse universe, and I want more. Gotta say, I don’t really?? Hardcore ship?? Amos with anyone anymore. He’s pan/bi, but I headcanon him as aromantic (plus, he doesn’t “shit where [he] eats”, as we all know). If I had to queerplatonically ship him with another main Squad character... I PICK ALL OF THEM 

[Edit:I have been kindly reminded that Holden does propose to the entire crew so... technically... I now pronounce this CANON FUCK YES]

Chrisjen/Bobbie! I’M NOT SORRY I’M JUST A SLUT FOR TINY BOSSY FEMME x BIG BUFF LADY BODYGUARD 

3) Pure nonsense

Fred Johnson/Anderson Dawes! Don’t even ask, I just love the sometimes-enemies, sometimes-allies, bastard old generals who understand each other vibes. Their history is juicy. There’s so much guilt on Fred’s side and Anderson - down to his name - is the perfect foil.

[always-tilting-at-windmills]

The Roci landing on Ilus 💗….team as FAMILY

[tessasocs]

wbw for cassie?

B A S I C S

full name: Cassiopeia Jane King

gender: female

sexuality: bisexual

pronouns: she/her

O T H E R S

family: Gemma King (Mother), Andreas King (father), Fred Johnson (guardian), James Holden (brother figure)

birthplace: California, Earth

job: Mechanic aboard the Canterbury

phobias: gunfire, the protomolecule, losing those she loves, enclosed spaces

guilty pleasures: coffee, martian music

M O R A L S

morality alignment?: Chaotic Neutral

sins - lust/greed/gluttony/sloth/pride/envy/wrath

virtues - chastity/charity/diligence/humility/kindness/patience/justice

T H I S - O R - T H A T

introvert/extrovert:

organized/disorganized:

close minded/open-minded:

calm/anxious:

disagreeable/agreeable:

cautious/reckless:

patient/impatient:

outspoken/reserved:

leader/follower:

empathetic/unemphatic:

optimistic/pessimistic:

traditional/modern:

hard-working/lazy:

R E L A T I O N S H I P S

otp: Cassie x Amos, Cassie x Julie

ot3: Cassie x Amos x Holden

brotp: Cassie & Holden, Cassie & Alex, Cassie & Naomi, Cassie & Miller

notp: Cassie x Errinwright, Cassie x Mao

WBW!

[moocowmoocow]

If you’re still doing Angst prompts.... Drummer/Naomi — “After everything we’ve been through, you still don’t think that I love you?” or “That’s not going to happen.” Or both. :)

Drummer/Naomi — “After everything we’ve been through, you still don’t think that I love you?”

Once Naomi returned to the Sol System, she set her plan to find Marco and Filip in motion. It helped that Alex and Amos had business on their respective planets, that way she only had to convince Jim to let her go alone. He didn’t want to. It hurt him deeply to see his family break up and spread across the system. But she let him know that either he let her go and she would return or he try to stop her and she wouldn’t return.

She contacted Drummer to help her get off of Tycho undetected. Drummer had her own ship now but still knew every bolt and duct of the station. She knew Naomi’s history with Marco, too. But most of all, she was a Belter and she understood things in her bones that there was no way to explain to the Inners on the Roci, no matter how much she loved them.

They were on their way to Ceres, where Naomi would be able to purchase a rock hopper anonymously. She and Drummer were in the mess of her ship, eating lentil bars, as Naomi told her stories about Ilus in order to distract herself.

“Still think planets are bad ideas,” Drummer said after Naomi finished the story about her escape from Ilus. “Glad you got away.”

Naomi shrugged. “Can’t stop people, Camina. UN couldn’t. Mars couldn’t. You can’t.”

Drummer made a sour face. “Inners. Glad I have nothing to do with them anymore. Done with politics.”

“Glad you’re happy.” Naomi paused. “Glad you’re helping me.”

Drummer nodded. “Of course.”

“Why?”

Drummer looked at the table and was silent for awhile. Naomi could almost see the battle in her head and was about to change the topic when Drummer spoke. “After everything we’ve been through, you still don’t think that I love you?”

The depth of emotion in Drummer’s eyes took Naomi’s breath away. She reached across the table and took Drummer’s hand in her own. “Guess I always know. Why now?”

“It’s complicated.”

“Holden?”

“Ya.” Drummer swallowed hard. “This time real chance you don’t come back. Marco’s dangerous. Probably killed Ashford.”

Naomi stood up, went around the table and sat next to Drummer. “Marco expecting the girl I was. Not who I am now.”

Drummer looked up and lifted the corner of her mouth. Her eyes were hard. “Not wise to underestimate Naomi Nagata.”

“Pashang ya,” Naomi replied with artificial bluster. She brought her hand to Drummer’s face and felt her lean against it. “Love you, too.” Naomi leaned in and kissed Drummer.

After a few moments, Drummer pulled away. “Long way to Ceres. Let’s move somewhere more comfortable.”

Naomi grinned and followed Drummer to her quarters.

Naomi x Drummer - “That’s not going to happen.”

Drummer convinced the medic to let her have one last night in her captain’s quarters before having surgery the next day. Whatever day and night meant in this fucked up area of space. She suspected that the only reason the medical personnel agreed is because they were exhausted and she wasn’t going to bled out on them.

“Can I come in?” Naomi appeared at the entrance of her quarters.

“Surprised you still here. Thought you’d be with your Inners.” Drummer looked around. She hadn’t quite figured out how she’d get out of her walking frame and get herself into her bunk.

Naomi held up the screwdriver she had in her hands. “I wanted to make sure you were taking care of yourself.” She moved to start loosening the joints of the apparatus so Drummer could pull herself out of it using the handhold scattered around the room that the Mormons installed in case of loss of gravity.

And Drummer hated that her body needed Naomi’s pity at this time. She was happy that Naomi had saved her life, but her pride was wounded in how fast Holden pulled Naomi away from her. Once she and Naomi had gotten her into her bunk, Drummer reached behind her head and grabbed a bottle. Naomi looked at her disapprovingly. “No painkillers, remember?” Drummer said.

Naomi sighed. “How are you, Camina?”

Drummer took a slug out of the bottle. “I hurt everywhere I can feel. Almost died again. And I assume you’re here to tell me you’re leaving.”

Naomi nodded.

“Fine. I’ll see you again when you need something from me.”

“That’s not going to happen.”

Drummer looked at her, unable to keep her anger, hurt and sadness out of her eyes. “Oh?”

Naomi sighed and perched on Drummer’s bunk. “I need to go back to the Roci. That’s my family. I love them.”

“I thought you loved me.” Drummer hated that she sounded like a sullen child, but after the last 72 hours had no energy to stop herself.

“I do.”

“But you love him more.”

“It’s not like that. The Roci is my home. It’s where I feel like I fit the universe. But it doesn’t mean I don’t love you. It doesn’t mean you won’t see me again. It just means - it won’t be like this.”

Drummer was exhausted and unable to cope with the multitude of emotions swirling in her. So she remained silent.

“Some day, I hope you find the place where you fit the universe.” Naomi kissed Drummer’s forehead. “I’ll send you a message tomorrow. I hope you’ll let me know how your surgery goes.”

After Naomi left, Drummer felt like destroying something but her body was stuck in her bunk. So she drank and tried to sleep.

[captain-noir]

yep, the ot3 agenda is winning

[navilluswrites]

I Have Loved The Stars, Part 3

Amos Burton x OC

"I want you to come on this mission." This was not what August had been expecting when Johnson had sent for her. Sitting in one of the chairs in his office she took a moment to think. She had heard that he was looking for volunteers for some trip that involved what was happening on Eros but why was he asking her specifically to go? She wasn't an engineer or particularly strong. The best use of her talents was here on Tyco, tending to the seemingly endless ailments of its residents.

"What? Why? I don't even really know that much about this whole mission." "We need a medic...We're not sure what we're going to encounter out there. And the crew of the Rocinante lost their medic while on the Donnager." That's when it clicked, she sighed. "You don't want a medic, you want a spy."

Johnson didn't deny it. Instead, he replied, "I need someone I can trust to make sure the people that have come to our doorstep asking for some pretty big favors can be trusted...and they need a medic."

"Why not make up some reason for Drummer to travel with them," she asked before actually thinking about it. She knew that was a stupid question, Drummer was a lot of things but someone who could sit in the background and report back she was not. Also, Johnson probably needed her to be handling the multitude of other tasks she had as his right hand. "Or someone else, you've got to have people you pay to find out this kind of stuff." Even as the words came out of her mouth she knew she was going to end up on the Rocinante. Not because Johnson would force her to go but because if he was asking he had good reason. She trusted him and he knew that. On the bright side, she mused, this must mean that he trusts you as well. Or that you're expendable.

"We leave in two days. Pack enough for at least five days for yourself. This is going to be about a 75 man operation in all with a minimum of 50 men involved in the assault of the base, so prepare accordingly. Drummer will give you a rundown of the plan later today. She'll meet you when your back at the clinic when she has a moment. She would have been here but she said she knew you'd agree and she had a few more pressing things to attend to."

"Yeah yeah," August grumbled with a sarcastic wave of her hand. "Wait, you know what? If I agree to this I want something in return. You need to give the clinic more funds so we can hire another medic or you know maybe an actual doctor."

Johnson smiled at this. "You're the doctor in everything but title last time I checked. But yes, I figured it would only be fair so we'll be adding funds to the clinic's budget. She didn't bother arguing about the doctor comment. In the past, he'd encouraged her to tell people she was a doctor. She'd gone to medical school after all, but she'd left Earth before finishing her degree and doing her residency. Johnson knew that but didn't seem to care. She cared though.

"Does that Holden guy know about this plan," she asked while simultaneously starting to mentally assess what she was going to bring with her.

"He does. But I can't tell you to expect a particularly warm welcome," he said with an apologetic smile.

---

August thought she had prepared for the crew of the Roci to not be in the best of mood but apparently she had not prepared enough. Alex, their pilot, was unusually reserved and his usually easy-going demeanor had been replaced with that of extreme anxiety. James and Naomi also seemed on edge, but August was also starting to wonder if that was just the default for them. There was no sign of Amos when she boarded but that didn't particularly surprise her. Naomi showed her to her quarters and then how to get to the medical bay and kitchen from there.

"Hey, listen," August paused after the mini-tour or the ship. She ran a hand through her hair. "I know me being here was Johnson's idea. But I'll do my best to stay out of the way and if there's anything I can help with while I'm here, even non-medical stuff, just let me know." This earned her a small smile from Naomi.

"Sorry if we haven't been the most welcoming," Naomi sighed. "These past few weeks...months really, since the Cant, have been hell. I promise we're not always this grumpy."

"From what I've heard, if I was in your position I'd be grumpy too so no need to apologize. And really even if you just need to take your mind off things and play a game of cards, I'm around." August didn't like the fact that to her, her own offer felt insincere because of Johnson's assignment for her even when it was something she was likely to offer in normal circumstances. Naomi smiled again and said, "thanks, I might take you up on that," before heading off down the hall of the ship.

August looked around the med bay and realized that for the next few days before they reached their destination, she was not going to have anything to do. She couldn't remember the last time she had had this much free time. Pretty much since arriving on Tyco every minute of her day had been filled either working, squeezing in some much needed socializing time, or sleeping. She'd downloaded a book for her trip but hadn't expected to actually read it. Now that she thought about it, she wished she'd packed more books. She wished that even more, about eight hours later after she finished the book. Not sure what else to do she went to her quarters and slept.

The next day she wandered the Roci, while trying to keep out of the way. She reflected on how different this ship was from a station like Tyco. It was so quiet, aside from the dull hum of the engine and occasional mechanical beep. It was also boring, she needed something to do other than sleep and stare at the walls.

Eventually, she stumbled upon Amos who was in what looked like an armory. It doesn't look like an armory, it is one. This is a warship she remembered.

"Oh sorry," she said, for lack of something better to say.

"What are you sorry for?" he asked glancing up from the gun he was taking apart.

"Uh...Just didn't mean to bother you."

"Not bothered," he returned his attention to the weapon. In need of conversation, she took a step into the room.

"Can I ask you a question?" He remained silent but looked up at her expectantly. "Does being up here get boring? Like traveling in the ship I mean." She'd lived on Tyco for about five years but was never truly able to kick the habit of talking like an Earther. Not that she expected Amos, another Earther to care, but her friends and her coworkers would have teased her for her Earther turn of phrase.

"We haven't had a lot of time to get bored up here."

"Oh." In retrospect that should have been obvious, she thought to herself.

"And even when there's downtime there's usually something to fix...you looking for something to do?"

His question surprised but she was eager for some type of task. "Yeah but I'm not sure that I'm particularly useful with tech stuff, unfortunately." She self consciously picked at the edge of her sleeve. Amos got up and went over to something was covered in engine grease, she had no idea what it was.

"This thing needs to be cleaned, you up for that?" She swore she could hear some skepticism in his voice. August started rolling up her sleeves.

"Where's the uh...soap?" The soap bit was kind of a joke and he seemed to take it that way, smiling just slightly. He tossed her a rag and a bottle of cleaner and she sat down on the bench opposite of where he had been seated and got to work. August felt slightly relieved when she started on it. It was nice to have something to do with her hands and not feel like dead weight. Also, a manual task would help her take her mind off mulling about the assignment of being Johnson's 'eyes and ears'. She was skeptical that she was going to be able to accomplish anything for Johnson, but she could clean this thing, whatever it was.

[blaxicanbby]

W O W.

I just finished season 1 of The Expanse and I just-

I loved it. Naomi and Holden are my shit. I haven’t been this excited about a sci fi show since Firefly, plus a Black woman in space??? It’s about time! But I love Amos and Alex too. Plus that freaky shit growing and eating people like????? I can’t even. The only thing I wasn’t a huge fan of was Miller’s random attraction to Julie, like where did that come from? Miller had him a ride or die and said nah for a woman he hadn’t even met??? You better recognize like my boy Holden and Amos have and see the light. A sista will hold you down! Which is important in a no gravity situation lmao. I can’t wait to start the second season!