#alex keller x phillip graves

[hedgehogsaretheultimatelifeform]

Kinktober 2024 Day Three

Hate Sex

Alex Keller/Phillip Graves

It had been a long motherfucking day. Too long. And, to top it off, Phillip fucking Graves was waiting for him in his room.

Alex stopped in his doorway after opening it, taking in the tableau before him. Graves was smiling up at him, ‘accidentally’ letting the hem of his t-shirt ride up, lounging about on the end of Alex’s bed without a care in the world, his jeans already undone at the fly, having abandoned his boots and belt haphazardly to the right of the door.

Alex was already angry at Graves, the feeling stewing away in his gut thanks to Gaz’s warning, and coming face to face with Graves’ audacity made the feeling quickly spread through the rest of his body. A belt was enough of a trip hazard at the best of times, let alone left directly in Alex’s path, especially when he had his blade on.

“Get out.” Alex walked into his room, carefully but pointedly stepping around Graves’ belongings as he walked to his side table. He set his folders town, turning his back to Graves as he took his jacket off, waiting for Graves to take the very unsubtle hint of the open door.

“Don’t be like that.” Graves didn’t move an inch. “You had no problem with me before.”

“And that matters, why?” Alex half turned to face him, scowling as he realised that Graves was intent on dragging this out.

“You knew what I was. What I do. You did from the start. You said you didn’t mind. Didn’t care. Was thankful for it. What’s changed?” Graves sat up straight, grinning at Alex. “Because now, it’s personal? Cause, I went after your little boyfriend?”

“Shut up.” Alex turned again, leaning back on the table. Fuck, his hip was already killing him, and now he had to deal with the prick in his bed, too. “You don’t dictate what Kyle is to me.”

“He gets first name privilege, and not me?”

“I said shut it!” Alex pushed off the table, moving in Graves’ direction. 

Graves rose from the bed to meet him. “Make me.”

“Cunt.” Alex shoved him back, staring down at Graves as he stumbled back onto the bed.

“That your best? You need work, Keller.”

“What part of shut up and get out is so complicated to you?”

“Nothing.” Graves sat up on his elbows, somehow manging to go back to looking like he was casually lounging about even as they argued. “Just why your demands should matter to me, since clearly mine didn’t matter to you.”

“You’re sick.”

“You’re the one that started this.” Graves chuckled. “Why do get to be the one to end it?”

“Entitled prick. I’ll throw you out if I have to.” Alex reached down to grave Graves, hauling him up and dragging him in the direction of the door. Graves dug his hands into Alex’s arms, leaning back to drag them back towards the bed.

“Don’t you have any shame? You want everyone to know we were having it on?”

“Everyone already knows. For a shadow, you sure don’t know how to be subtle.” Alex sneered, shoving Graves away from him and taking his place on the end of the bed, sighing as he took the weight off his leg. “Go on. Do your walk of shame.”

Graves caught himself before he fell, trying to impress again by turning the stumble into swagger to the door. “Even Kyle?”

Alex nodded. “Why do you think he came and warned me about you?”

“And you’re not ashamed about that?”

“Everyone has hook ups they’re ashamed of.”

“I don’t.”

Alex leaned forward. Fuck ending it quickly. Since Graves was so intent on dragging it out, why not fight? Make him hurt, and more than a little. “How’s your ego this big, yet you’re still ashamed of the fact you like it up your ass?”

Graves’ smirk fell off his face, replaced with anger as he slammed the door shut. He exhaled slowly, turning back to face Alex before he spoke. “You watch yourself.”

“Is it being gay, or a bottom, that’s the issue?” Alex dug deeper. Shamefully wrong, but hell. Graves deserved to have some acid spat at him. Ruin that stupid pretty face.

“You shut your mouth.”

“Make me.” Alex bit back, and suddenly Graves was on his lap, trying to cram his fingers into Alex’s mouth.

Alex pulled his head away, grabbing Graves by the hips, one hand keeping him still as his other slid down under the waistband of his jeans, digging his nails into Graves’s skin. Graves swore and pushed Alex away, back onto the bed. Alex landed on his elbows, watching as Graves started undoing his belt.

“I can take my own clothes off.”

“Sure, you can.” Graves didn’t stop, pulling Alex’s belt out and tossing it aside.

“You think we’re fucking still?”

“Aren’t we?” Graves placed a hand on Alex’s abs, leaning down as he whispered, “not even once more, for the road?”

Alex groaned. He, admittedly, was getting hard underneath Graves, but he was in tired and in pain, and didn’t have the energy, or, more importantly, patience, to fuck Graves right now.

He could make something work, though. Might even be better. Finish this whole thing off with something that made the lasting impression, that Graves was the desperate bitch who had to beg for one more time?

“Fine. Fuck yourself on my cock, if you want.”

Graves grinned and scrambled off of Alex’s lap, letting Alex to sit up and removed his blade, carefully laying it aside before shuffling his jeans off and scooting back up the bed. He winced while Graves wasn’t looking, propping a pillow up under his hip before he sat back to watch as Graves stripped, suddenly realising how bored he was of the song and dance where just the same old skin was revealed.

Graves was soon naked and crawling up the bed to him, doing his best to hide his disappointment that Alex had kept his shirt on. He grabbed hold of it, wrinkling the offending material between his fingers as he climbed into Alex’s lap, balancing carefully as he took hold of Alex’s cock and guided it up to his asshole.

True to his offer, Alex didn’t do anything for him. He kept one hand on his own hip, preventing Graves from getting too close and possibly hurting him more, and dropped the other to the bed, leaving Graves to do all the work of fucking for himself, as Alex watched uninterestedly. The only time he moved was when Graves got too eager, leaning forward to try and kiss him, or to push his shirt up to press their skin together, and Alex brushed him away.

It felt good, having a tight hole expertly riding his cock, but Alex couldn’t disconnect the feeling from the smarmy face in front of him. When they’d met, Graves had been a taste of something familiar, something safe. A taste from an abandoned home, just vague enough that it allowed Alex to indulge in the nostalgia of it, without reminding him of why he’d left it all behind to stay with Farah. It was easy, so Alex had fallen into it. Graves was fucking easy.

A lot easier than saying what he wanted to say to Gaz.

Why did Graves have to be such a cunt? Thank god for Gaz, and his insistence at pulling Alex aside to explain to him what happened, and how actually, Graves was supposed to be dead in a tank in South America, and why Gaz was so pissed off that he wasn’t.

Thank god for Gaz in general, really. A good friend, excellent fellow soldier, who had the balls to stay on the job after falling out of a fucking helicopter, and made Alex nervous when he laughed, and always looked at him first when he told a joke, and made Alex crave the idea of picking out matching cushions for a sofa.

He wanted to tell Gaz that. How much he loved him. The only time he’d gotten close, was the morning after he and Gaz had gotten so drunk that they’d ended up making out, blindly groping at each other until they fell asleep in the same bed. But when he woke up, Gaz didn’t remember what happened, so Alex pretended he didn’t either. Like a fucking coward.

And now Kyle knew that Alex and Graves were fucking, or had fucked, because someone had had to explain to him how everyone around base knew that Graves was a pathetic whimperer when he was bouncing on a cock, something Alex used to think was cute, what was wrong with him?

What did that mean for what Gaz thought of Alex now?

Did he feel betrayed by him too?

Alex pushed Graves back when he tried to kiss him again, moving his eyes away from Graves’ face, to where Graves’ cock was hitting against his stomach as he rocked up and down on Alex’s dick, whimpering low in his throat. Alex had gotten so lost in his thoughts he hadn’t even realised how close Graves was to coming. He watched passively when Graves did so, shivering and sagging in Alex’s lap as his ass tightened around Alex’s cock.

Alex wrinkled his nose as spots Graves cum seeped into his shirt, finally moving to jolt his hips up once, to make Graves squirm again, as Alex came too.

Graves groaned and slowly climbed out of Alex’s lap. Alex felt his anger dissipating into disgust as he watched Graves roll over and settle on the bed covers, gazing up at Alex with a smile, like this one quick fuck had fixed everything.

Alex shook his head, and pointed to the door. “Go.”

“You sure?” Graves didn’t move.

“Yes.”

Graves crawled off the bed and slowly gathered his clothes, standing with the pile in his arms as he turned back to face Alex. “I think you do want me here.”

“Farah wants you here.” Alex lifted his shirt away from his stomach, realising as he said them that his words might not even be true anymore. Not if Gaz had gone and spoken to Farah too.

“And you want what she wants, so by proxy, you do.”

“You can be here without being in my bed. Get out.”

Graves nodded, dressed silently, and left.

Good riddance.

Alex retrieved up his phone, and messaged Gaz. Thanks for talking with me earlier.

Gaz wrote back instantly. No worries.

Then, just seen Graves looking like a smacked ass. Anything to do with you?

Alex sighed, but typed, yes. I broke it off.

Good. Maybe we can get back to where we left off. Gaz followed his reply with a winky face.

That bastard. Alex ran his hand down his face. Tonight at six?

Sure. If I can get away from the Captain.

Six, or I’ll come and get you.

Gaz sent a smiley face. Six it is. See you then.

[x3no9]

Ever start a fic with the entire thing laid out and then suddenly it turns into a crazy beast and smashes everything you built to the ground?

Anyway that is what happened with my newest Call of Duty fic. It got very dark, major character death and shit. And all I wanted was married couples. Curious thing is, one my mates read it and says that the Makarov x Graves dynamic reminds him of the song, "Wrecking Ball", by Sacha Skarbec.

I looked the lyrics up (I refuse to listen to Miley) and then found a gorgeous cover version sung by James Arthur. I was quite blown away. And YES, thanks, Steve it does illustrate it quite well, going with Graves' perspective, but the curious thing is--it can apply a little to both sides. Anyway they aren't broken up though as the song strongly implies. I think I need to go touch some grass, I am going way too hard on this MakaGraves ship.

Here is the fic link if ya want to go insane...

Also.... the lyrics to ponder...

We clawed, we chained our hearts in vain We jumped never asking why We kissed, I fell under your spell. A love no one could deny

Don't you ever say I just walked away I will always want you I can't live a lie, running for my life I will always want you

I came in like a wrecking ball I never hit so hard in love All I wanted was to break your walls All you ever did was wreck me Yeah, you, you wreck me

I put you high up in the sky And now, you're not coming down It slowly turned, you let me burn And now, we're ashes on the ground

Don't you ever say I just walked away I will always want you I can't live a lie, running for my life I will always want you

I came in like a wrecking ball I never hit so hard in love All I wanted was to break your walls All you ever did was wreck me

I came in like a wrecking ball Yeah, I just closed my eyes and swung Left me crashing in a blazing fall All you ever did was wreck me Yeah, you, you wreck me

I never meant to start a war I just wanted you to let me in And instead of using force I guess I should've let you win I never meant to start a war I just wanted you to let me in I guess I should've let you win

Don't you ever say I just walked away I will always want you

I came in like a wrecking ball I never hit so hard in love All I wanted was to break your walls All you ever did was wreck me

I came in like a wrecking ball Yeah, I just closed my eyes and swung Left me crashing in a blazing fall All you ever did was wreck me Yeah, you, you wreck me Yeah, you, you wreck me

[lxvvie]

Call of Duty, Father's Day edition:

Just fatherly things, or how you honor the men in your life on this special day.

Capt. John Price - Price never asks for much, just your safety and happiness, but the kids wanted to give him presents for Father's Day, so you do. A new hat that looks like all the others but more expensive, a new mug for his tea, and kisses galore on his chonky cheeks. What more could the Cap'n ask for?

Gaz - Kyle just wants to hold his family in his arms, so he does. He didn't think he'd make it back in time to be here with you guys but he did and he's so damn happy. Now he and the little ones can get caught up on the latest gossip.

Alex Keller - It's not too often that he gets to do this. You all enjoyed his favorite breakfast with him: a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. It's worth the sugar rush you know Keller and the kids will experience afterward.

Soap - Soap's been meaning to help his girls with their cheer practice so you honor him by... letting him be the bottom of the pyramid. With his cheer uniform on. And Whiskey keeps licking his face. You took a photo and he'll never live it down. The wee ones laugh every time.

Ghost - The Missus™ achieves his dream of sleeping in today with his girls right beside him. There's Simon, his big arm wrapped around his kids who're cuddled up against him, and Pup by his feet sleeping peacefully. He'll wake up to a wonderful gift courtesy of his girls: a pink shirt that says Princess Daddy in glittery letters across the chest, and it's adorned with a tiara, too? Missus Princess Daddy™ is life, Simon. You cannot escape it lmao.

Alejandro - Alejandro wakes up to his kids tackle-hugging him in bed. There's breakfast and a card with heartfelt messages on it. They're very proud of their papa for everything he does and continues to do for them. Oh, and he's about to be a papa again. Best Father's Day gift ever, amirite? Congrats, Alejo!

Rudy - Oh, you let the mother hen rest today. Rudy loves to pamper and cater to his family but now it's his turn to be pampered and catered to. The house? Clean. Dinner? Cooking. Kids? Loving on Rudy. All is as it should be.

König - The kiddo's Father's Day gift has been pranking König something fierce all day and all you can do is shake your head in faux exasperation and revel in the gremlin laughter (from both of them) echoing throughout the house. You'll have his favorite meal for dinner.

Horangi - Today, Horangi is being honored by his kid beating him in card games. Repeatedly. And Horangi trying to figure out how and why this is happening lmao.

Graves - Graves is also pretty content with his lot in life. You and Boss Baby Graves give him a gift card to a spa he's been wanting to try. And then you get his ass by having some of the men from Shadow Company call and wish him a Happy Father's Day and call him Dad. Real cute, darlin'.

[sky-is-the-limit]

Alex Keller is the type to say "ooohh big stretch" with a beaming smile on his face as he pushes a third finger in you, and I won't elaborate.

[gothghostiie]

thinking about any of the cod men making use of your sickly, feverish state while you have a cold. pinning you to the bed under his big frame, legs carefully laid over his shoulders while bullying his cock into your hole :( fat, swollen tip rubbing against your heat while you whimper and writhe slightly, cold sweat beading on your forehead. "shh.. just take this for me, yea?" he coos, feeling your hot forehead with the back of his hand. he chuckles, making a stupid joke, something about you being in heat, before starting to fuck into you. your whines are more pathetic than usual, everything feels so much more intense, his cock feels like its splitting you open:( yet all you can do is lay there and take it, orgasms being ripped from your weak body until you're barely able to stay awake :(

[sleepyconfusedpotato]

What Should've Happened in That Season 5 Cutscene... 🪦

I just can't accept that Farah is allying with the maniac. I support Alex decking the mofo to the ground and Farah making sure he stays dead.

(jk I love Graves I'm excited for what the future had in store with Farah and Graves forming an alliance.)

Got a midnight inspiration and created this dialogue and I made it into a lil comic strip!

Hope you love it! (❁´◡`❁)

[decaf-mother]

Thoughts on COD men favorite way to cuddle? Personally I believe Soap likes to lay directly on top of his partner, he’s a whore for head scratches. Please any soft headcanons you have for 141+LV would do rn. I just need some soft boys. 🥹

How Do They Cuddle?

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COD SFW Head-Canons

Characters: John Price, Johnny Mactavish, Simon Riley, Kyle Garrick, Alex Keller, Gary Sanderson, Nikolai, Alejandro Vargas, Rodolfo Parra, Kate Laswell, Valeria Garza, Phillip Graves, König, Farah Karim

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Warnings: None- Just Fluff.

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John Price

Loves to pull you into his arms in bed and be the big spoon, honestly okay with most cuddle positions.

Will lay on top of you and snuggle but it's typically unintentionally in his sleep- like a weighted blanket that snores and sleep talks.

Will pass out immediately if you rub his shoulders.

Johnny Mactavish

Absolutely adores laying on top of you with his head on your chest, your heartbeat soothes him and lord help him if you scratch his head- he may just drool.

Any and all types of spooning is welcome, will be the little or big spoon.

Hands on you every chance he is given, tugging you close in bed and nearly roasting you because this man is a straight up living furnace.

Simon Riley

Pulls you into his side so you can lay your head on his chest, typically sleeps laying on his back.

Absolutely melts if you press little kisses to the scars on his face, wraps his arms around you so tight that there is no escape.

Not opposed to you spooning him or just wrapping your arms around him from behind.

Kyle Garrick

Does the thing of tucking your head to his chest so you can listen to his heartbeat, will also hum a soft tune to you and murmur the sweetest things as you fall asleep.

Tuck your face into the crook of his neck and you'll hear an audible sigh of happiness, arms slipping around you to pull you impossibly close.

Kiss attack!!! Will randomly pepper kisses all over your face and anywhere else you'll let him- he just can't resist you.

Alex Keller

Absolute puppy energy as he follows you around closer than usual whenever he wants to cuddle, will eagerly pull you to him on the couch or wherever else you two sit down.

Tucks his face into the crook of your neck and purposely tickles you with his facial hair, grins like an idiot when you giggle and push at him.

Is typically the big spoon in bed because he just loves being the one with his arms around you, planting kisses to your shoulders.

Gary Sanderson

Lays on top of you to trap you with his affection, nuzzling and making little hum sounds to express how much he adores you.

Traces shapes and letters along your skin when you two are cuddling in bed, loves tugging you close to his chest and running his hands along your back.

Often pats his lap when he wants you to stop what you're doing and just come sit on him for snuggles for awhile.

Nikolai

Handsy? Handsy. Gentle touches at all times and constant hugs from behind, is so damn cozy though and knows it- pulling you into him every opportunity.

Loves having you lay on top of him like a blanket, mumbling loving words in Russian as he rubs your back.

If you're sitting beside him his arm is wrapped around you, however he much prefers you on his lap so he can hold you even closer.

Alejandro Vargas

Wants you to lay on him. Please lay on him or let him spoon you, he just has to feel you close so he can praise you softly.

Will drag you onto his lap to hold you when he feels you're working too hard, that's enough chores for right now- snuggle time.

Rubs his hands lightly up and down your sides when you two are in bed.

Rodolfo Parra

Literally the absolute sweetest- wants to sit and cuddle you while feeding each other snacks. Wants you on his lap so he can tell you about his day while sticking food in your mouth.

Loves being the little spoon or laying his head on your chest, run your fingertips along his back and he'll hum out in response.

Consistently gives you the coziest hugs and sweet forehead kisses, hands on your waist or lower back.

Kate Laswell

Intense spooning- prefers being the big spoon but will gladly be the little spoon. Loves taking care of you.

Wants you to lean your head on her shoulder when you two are sitting at home watching shows together.

Encourages you to tell her all about your day, pressing a sweet kiss to your head as you drift off in her arms.

Valeria Garza

Holds your hands when you two cuddle in bed because it's romantic, presses kisses to your knuckles as you tell her about your day.

Praises you for whatever you accomplish and also insists that you take plenty of breaks so she can hold you.

Wants to be the big spoon or tuck your head against her chest so she can mumble sweetly in your ear.

Phillip Graves

An absolute menace who unleashes tickle attacks occasionally when you two are cuddling, usually though he just mumbles sweet things against your skin.

Showers you with kisses and groans softly as he eases into bed with you and with a 'c'mere darlin'' starts spooning you- loves being big spoon.

Wants you to lay your head on his chest sometimes as well, feel his breathing and steady heart beat while he rambles about his day.

König

Lay on him please- he craves it so bad to just feel you close like that. Wants to hold you tightly to himself and ramble about how much he loves you.

A giant teddy bear- please let him lay his head on your lap. He'll fall asleep instantly.

Gentle and doting wanting to give you massages constantly- if you return a massage though you will just hear so many soft groans and praises in German.

Farah Karim

Spoon spoon spoon- will be little or big spoon she doesn't care. Just let her tell you how gorgeous/handsome and perfect you are.

Rests her hands on your waist often when you're doing things, especially loves doing it if it makes you flustered.

Lay your head in her lap and she will gladly smile and stroke your hair- you're just so cute.

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{This prompt made me so excited I just had to do everyone. LMAO}

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{@gothgirl6-6-6 @soupbinsoup @sofasoap }

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{More Content}

[creptolli]

Pet names from the entire CoD ensemble (TF141, Los vaqueros, Graves, Alex & Farah, Hadir, Valeria..)

because it’s actually painful when I see someone use one that I could not imagine hearing from them (no hate it’s my problem not anyone else’s 😭🙏)

A/N: y���all I’m not from any of the character’s countries meaning idk standard terms of endearment in their countries/languages (о´∀`о) - especially the Arabic ones

Also, I may do another one with Makarov, Nolan, König (ew), Horangi and anyone else y’all want!

@medic--main for you :33

Kyle ‘Gaz’ Garrick

MY BABY (anywho)

- definitely uses ‘Love, Lovey, Babe, Baby’

- could hear him possibly saying ‘Darling’

- maybe ‘Sweetheart’

- honestly probably wouldn’t use his lover’s name as much to their face. More while referring to them.

- If you ever got married, he would 100% jokingly yell “HUSBAND/WIFE!!” Whenever someone wanted to speak to you.

Rodolfo ‘Rudy’ Parra

- y’all idk Spanish but if you have any ideas for pet names in Spanish then yes.

- ‘Amor, Corazón, Cariño’ [Love, Heart, Darling]

- ‘Darling’ is something that could be heard at points in time but likely not when dating, more married.

- would interchange between ‘Amor/Love’ in conversations.

- Would use your first name a lot, especially when other people are around. It’s not that he’s insecure or anything, he just prefers using your name.

Phillip Graves

- ‘Sweetheart’ violent screaming

- ‘Darling’ more violent screaming

- Could at times use ‘Baby, Love’

- rarely says ‘Babe’ instead of ‘Baby’

- ‘Honey’ <33

- ‘Doll’ or ‘Dolly’

RHAJGDISHDUAUDHSB IM GOING INSANE

- honestly wouldn’t use your name a lot, sure sometimes when he’s in conversation with others, but even then he just says ‘the missus/mister’ or ‘my sweetheart’

- would sometimes tease you when you’re dating by using your last name rather than your first name when wanting your attention. Idk it’s an authority thing. 😏

John Price

- ‘Darling, Love, Sweetheart’ melts

- again, before you took his last name (or he takes yours), he would call you by your last name.

- ‘Lovey’ when he wants to be a pain tease

- in marriage he would often say ‘Sweetie’

- sometimes uses ‘Honey’ or ‘Hon’

- sometimes he would use your first name.

Alex Keller

RAHHH MY LOVE <333

- ‘Babe, Baby’ an insane amount.

- Sometimes, but not often, ‘Love’

- probably uses stupid names or inside jokes that no one else understands.

- if you speak another language, he 100% try’s to learn it and use names from it (he’s absolutely terrible to the point of it being painful, but he’s adorable in trying nonetheless).

- used your first name a lot, sometimes used your last name as a joke.

Farah Karim

- ‘My Love’ is her go to <33

- never ‘Babe’ but sometimes (rarely) ‘Baby’

- ‘Honey’ or ‘Hon’ especially.

the next ones I got straight off of Google so I apologise in advance if they’re wrong (´；Д；`)

- ‘habib albi’ This term of affection means “love of my heart” - حبيب/حبيبة قلبي

- ‘ya hayati’ “my life” - يا حياتي

I would put more but that fucked up my keyboard and took about 10 minutes (copy and paste was a pain in the ass)

Hadir Karim

- said ‘Babe’ once and immediately regretted it, he thought it sounded stupid. It did

- never ‘Baby’

- sometimes he says ‘Love’ or ‘My Love’

- Has a lot of inside jokes that he uses to make fun of you (he means it in good fun).

- Any of the Arabic words from Farah’s list (I’m aware that Uzikstan has its own language.. because I searched it up.. but they also speak Arabic - it’s just not as well spoken)

- sometimes try’s out ‘Sweetie’ or ‘My Sweet’

More Arabic below ⬇️ (again I’m so sorry if it’s wrong it’s from Google I know absolutely nothing about the language, please correct anything if you do know🧍‍♂️)

- ‘ya helo’ “my beautiful” - يا حلو/حلوة

- ‘ya amar’ “my moon” - يا قمر

John ‘Soap’ MacTavish

- ‘Hen’ & ‘Honey’ for sure

- Often also uses ‘Sweetheart’ and ‘Sweetie’

- probably uses ‘Bonnie’ if he’s with a femme partner (idk much about Scottish slang)

- loves to yell ‘WIFE/HUSBAND’ if y’all ever get married.

- Would probably jokingly say ‘Dear’ or ‘Darling’ to sound fancy (it sounds so weird with his accent that it always makes you giggle)

- ‘Doll’ and ‘Dolly’ while dating, not as much during marriage.

Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley

- ‘Dear’ when married, also uses ‘Darling’ a lot when married but plays (teases) when dating.

- he sometimes, but it’s usually rarely, ‘Sweetie’ or ‘Sweetheart’

- apparently ‘Duck’ is a British term of endearment? Idk it says older gentlemen use it and he seems like he would say it. Old man soul

- sometimes says ‘Love’ or ‘Lovey’ when he’s sleepy.

- uses your first name a lot, not as much your last name.

- unless you get married, in which he uses your last name all the time (whether you take his last name or he takes yours)

Alejandro Vargas

- He uses a lot more English than Spanish around you unless your first language is also Spanish.

- He loves to tease you with inside jokes and all sorts of complicated Spanish compliments if you don’t speak the language.

- ‘Cariño’ & ‘Amor’ a lot.

- Doesn’t usually use ‘Corazón’ but it will rarely slip.

- ‘Cielo’ [Sky] sometimes, but again, not so much.

- sometimes says ‘Babe’ or ‘Baby’

Valeria Garza

Gods there aren’t enough women

- lovesss calling you ‘Corazón’ and ‘Cielo’ especially right next to your ear while holding you from behind, pushing her body weight onto you.

- ‘Mi Vida’ [My Life] sometimes

- ‘Mi Rey/Reina’ [My King/Queen] a lot, especially if she’s treating you to dinner/luxury.

- Doesn’t often use English pet names, but when she does she favours ‘Love’ or ‘My Heart’ (she often translates Spanish names directly into English)

Nikolai

- I honestly could imagine him saying ‘baby’ or ‘babygirl’ and I don’t know if it would be as a joke or not.. that’s up for interpretation.

- When you two just started dating, he jokingly called you ‘comrade’ to his and your friends to confuse the shit out of people.

- ‘котёнок “kotyonok” [kitten] also as a joke (maybe not.. up for interpretation again…

- ‘Жизнь моя’ “zhizn moya” [my life] as an actual name he uses for you.

- he doesn’t use a lot of pet names in public, mostly when it’s just you two.

- Солнце (solntsye) / солнышко (solnishka) - [sunshine].

@pillowwarzone I added Nikolai ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

Here’s the website I used (for mainly Arabic) ⬇️

[rainswriting-blog]

When They Ask If Its Big Enough

Warning(s): Suggestive

Simon "Ghost" Riley

Simon stands in front of the mirror, adjusting his belt, his imposing frame reflected back at both of you. His broad shoulders and calm confidence fill the room as he catches your gaze in the reflection.

“So,” he says, his voice deep and teasing, “is it big enough for you?”

You raise an eyebrow, crossing your arms as you meet his eyes. “Considering how I was walking this morning, I think you already know the answer.”

The faintest smirk appears beneath his mask, his eyes crinkling slightly. “That so?” he rumbles, turning slightly to face you. “Guess I don’t need to ask, then.”

You step closer, your voice playful. “Nope. But maybe I’ll need a reminder tonight—just to make sure.”

He chuckles low in his chest, his voice a soft growl. “Careful what you ask for, love. You’re the one who’ll be feelin’ it tomorrow.”

John Price

The bathroom is warm with lingering steam as Price leans against the counter, towel draped loosely around his hips. His blue eyes catch yours in the mirror, and he smirks, running a hand through his damp hair.

“Well?” he asks, his voice rough with amusement. “Is it big enough for you?”

You glance at him, arching a brow as you recall the events of the night before. “Didn’t I already answer that last night, Captain?”

He chuckles, a low, rumbling sound that sends a shiver down your spine. “Aye, you did,” he says, turning to face you fully. “But I like hearin’ you say it.”

You step closer, leaning against the counter beside him. “Then let me remind you,” you say, your voice dropping. “You more than handled your mission. But next time, try leaving me with less bruises.”

His grin widens, and he leans in slightly, his voice a playful growl. “Can’t make any promises, love. You’re the one who keeps comin’ back for more.”

Johnny "Soap" MacTavish

Johnny stands shirtless in front of the bedroom mirror, his hair sticking up in messy spikes as he adjusts the waistband of his sweatpants. His grin is impossibly cheeky as he glances at you through the reflection.

“Y’know,” he says, his voice full of playful confidence, “I’ve been meanin’ to ask… is it big enough for you?”

You snort, shaking your head as the memory of last night flashes through your mind. “You mean after how you nearly broke the bed last night?”

He bursts out laughing, turning to face you fully, his blue eyes alight with mischief. “What can I say? You bring out the best in me.”

You smirk, walking up to him. “You better hope that bed holds up next time, or you’re the one replacing it.”

“Aye, fair enough,” he says with a wink, wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you closer. “But admit it—you’d miss my handiwork if I didn’t go all out.”

Kyle "Gaz" Garrick

Kyle adjusts his gym shorts in front of the mirror, his toned frame catching the sunlight streaming through the window. He glances at you with a playful grin, his brown eyes glinting with mischief.

“So,” he says casually, his tone light but teasing, “is it big enough for you?”

You roll your eyes, remembering the heat and intensity of the night before. “Considering I was begging you to slow down last night, I think you’ve got your answer, Kyle.”

He laughs, turning to face you fully, his hands resting on his hips. “Begging, huh? Funny—I seem to remember you telling me not to stop.”

Your cheeks flush as you step closer, poking him lightly in the chest. “Don’t let it go to your head.”

“Oh, it’s already there,” he fires back with a smirk, leaning down so your faces are inches apart. “But I wouldn’t mind hearing you say it again later tonight.”

Alex Keller

Alex stands in front of the closet mirror, tugging on a pair of jeans with an easygoing smile. His blue eyes catch yours as he adjusts his waistband, his tone light and teasing.

“Alright,” he says, tilting his head slightly, “is it big enough for you?”

You arch an eyebrow, recalling the way he had you gripping the sheets last night. “Pretty sure I screamed the answer last night, Alex.”

He grins, stepping closer and resting a hand on your hip. “You did,” he says, his voice dropping slightly. “But I wouldn’t mind hearing it again. You know, just to make sure I’m keeping you satisfied.”

You smirk, running your fingers along his chest. “Oh, you’re keeping me satisfied,” you reply, your voice soft and teasing. “But if you’re fishing for more compliments, you’ll have to work harder tonight.”

His laugh is warm as he leans in, brushing his lips against your ear. “Challenge accepted, sweetheart.”

Phillip Graves

Phillip stands in the garage, leaning casually against the hood of his truck. His sharp blue eyes catch yours in the windshield’s reflection, his Southern drawl dripping with confidence.

“So,” he says, his voice low and smooth, “is it big enough for you?”

You can’t help but smirk, remembering the way he had you gasping for breath last night. “After what you pulled last night, I think the real question is: can you handle me again?”

His grin widens, and he pushes off the truck, closing the distance between you with slow, deliberate steps. “Oh, darlin’,” he drawls, his voice a quiet rumble. “You know I can handle you. Question is, can you keep up with me?”

You meet his gaze, refusing to back down. “Guess we’ll find out tonight, won’t we?”

He chuckles, his hands sliding into his pockets as he leans in slightly. “Sweetheart, you’ll be feelin’ it tomorrow. Just like you are today.”

Taglist

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© 2022-2025𝗿𝗮𝗶𝗻𝘀𝘄𝗿𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴-𝗯𝗹𝗼𝗴 do not copy, modify, translate, or repost any content posted to this blog or claim as your own on any platform.

[prettypixels22]

Headcanons for spending Christmas with call of duty characters

(feat. simon "ghost" riley, john "soap" mactavish, kyle "gaz" garrick, john price,

kate laswell, farah karim, alex keller, phillip graves)

a/n: for context, in each section you’re referenced to have kids with each character and, although not explicitly stated, the reader is implied to be a homebody but these headcanons are kept gender neutral. if you continue to read, i hope you enjoy.

Simon “Ghost” Riley

Christmas is the best time for him to show how much he appreciates you and the kids

He’s not a bad parent, he’s always been very good with the kids

He provides for you all and takes care of them the best he can but he knows he can be emotionally distant at times

He can handle most situations involving his kids but when they get upset or argue with each other, he struggles and has to rely on you to help them

It’s not that he doesn’t want to emotionally connect with them, he just isn’t sure how and he’s not used to talking about his feelings

So gift giving is a good way for him to express that he does care and love you all

He likes both receiving and gifting things that are homemade or sentimental, he enjoys those kinds of gifts because they are specific to your little family and that makes it so special to him

Skulls become like a trademark to your family and tiny skull symbols are hidden in most gifts, wether it be a carving on a wooden item, an engraving on a piece of jewelry, an embroidery on fabric or even woven into those little bracelets kids like to make

Speaking of skulls, your kids definitely have skull designed sky masks that they used to stay warm when they play in the snow

The kids sit on the same sled and have Ghost pull them around, it’s so heart warming seeing your partner and children play while wearing the same masks like they’re a little family of ghosts

When your children go to bed, you talk to Simon about something they’ve been telling you recently, “The kids want a dog.”

You bring it up during one of those intimate times when he’s not wearing his mask and you feel like you can read his mind

Instead of the blank stare you usually see when all of his features, save for his eyes, are covered, you can see the slight changes in his expression

His eyebrows twitch and his jaw clenches, you can’t tell he doesn’t think it’s a good idea

“We can name him Riley,” you joke, “He can be our guard dog and protect us when you’re not around.”

Although you weren’t being serious, he actually started warming up to the idea

It wouldn’t be a puppy though, he’d take you to look at retired military dogs

There was one you two took a particular liking to, a german shepherd, he was a nice dog and in need of a good home but he also had the proper training to be able to protect you and the kids if need be

The kids loved him, of course, and he was very gentle with them, wagging his tail while they hugged and pet him

You ended up falling asleep to a Christmas movie, your family cuddled up together on the couch with your new dog

John “Soap” MacTavish

Johnny loves Christmas and eagerly waits for it to come around every year

There’s always a mountain of gifts around the Christmas tree

Half of the presents he bought, he purchased all the way back in January

He just gets so giddy seeing you and the kids enjoy his gifts that he immediately wants buy more after Christmas is over

Then when it finally gets close to December, you two have your kids’ Christmas lists to deal with

You two have to start wrapping them, at least, a week in advance because there’s no way you’re getting them all done in one night

Especially when you have to wait for the kids, who are pumped full of sugar from eating too many Christmas cookies, to go to sleep

So they get double the gifts and on top of that they get even more when you visit the MacTavish family (which is huge by the way)

Speaking of, when you do visit his family, you get to sit inside by the fireplace and drink hot cocoa with his parents and sisters and watch from the window while Soap takes your kids outside to play with their cousins and uncles in the snow

You get a front row seat to the comical scene of Johnny being hit with a snowball and dramatically collapsing to the grown, a swarm of children climbing over him and playfully attacking

He will play outside with his kids for hours, having snowball fights, building snowmen, sledding

He’d love to take them snowboarding one day, if only the military would grant him enough leave time to take them to a ski resort

While your kids play with their nieces and nephews, Soap will definitely try to sneak you away for some “alone time”

If you object to this and tell him him that you two need to go back and watch your kids, he’ll pull you into an empty room, large hands cradling your face as he tries to bargain with you, “Just lemme give you a quick kiss, bonnie. Hmm?”

But it’s never just a “quick kiss” and you don’t know how you keep falling for that

He’s so sweet when he’s affectionate, he’ll slow dance with you by the fireplace or run you a nice relaxing bath with rose petals, it’s a romantic and intimate way of showing you how much he loves you

Kyle “Gaz” Garrick

Since joining task force 141, he’s had to spend more time away from you and the kids then he’s used to

He misses you all a lot when he’s away but it makes each Christmas that much more special because he has to cherish every second he spends with you and your children

You two usually plan for Christmas together but since he’s been away you do most of the planning and he helps as much as he can when he finally returns home

If you’re cooking something and he knows what ingredient you’ll need next, he’ll grab it for you and set it on the counter before you even have the chance to ask

He also keeps the kids distracted so you can focus on dinner by building gingerbread houses with them, which were a lot harder than he was anticipating and by the time they got the house to stand, there were globs of frosting everywhere with gumdrops and mints scattered across the kitchen table

He cleans it all up though along with any mess you might’ve made while cooking dinner, he cleans the dishes and pans that you’ve used so you don’t have to worry about it later and wipes down the counter

You’re more excited than usual to invite your in-laws to Christmas Dinner

You’ve grown super close to them since Gaz joined Task Force 141, they were your rock during his absence

If you ever needed help with the kids or were just lonely, they would welcome you into their home with open arms

You’d sit with them and talk about how you missed Gaz or how good of a father and partner he was

They’d reminisce about raising him and the childhood they worked so hard to provide for him, going through a photo album of baby Kyle and explaining the backstory behind each picture

Throughout the dinner Gaz sees how close you’ve gotten with his family and it’s not just you, his kids have also grown accustomed to seeing their grandparents regularly

That Christmas is so hard for him because he just wants to be able to be with you and kids again

He knew what he was getting into when he joined 141 and he still believes in the cause but seeing his family get along and be happy makes it a challenge for him not to go back to the SAS

“You know I love you, right?” He’ll ask after dinner. He start saying it a lot more often because if something does happen to him, he doesn’t want their to be a doubt in your mind about how much he loves you and the kids

As the end of his leave time approaches, he kisses you nonstop and holds you and the kids tight, knowing he’ll have to say goodbye soon

John Price

Every year there’s at least one gift that relates to the military

It all started when your son wrote that he wanted nerf guns on his Christmas list one year

That Christmas you and your husband watched your son and daughter go to war with one another, running around the house and hiding under tables, trying to shoot each other with foam bullets

Price thought it was hilarious and the kids clearly enjoyed it, so he started gifting them foam weapons and toy sets with fake knives, grenades and binoculars

He enjoys watching his kids play with each other and was particularly amused one day when your son was army crawling around in the grass trying to sneak up on his sister

That next Christmas he got your son a ghillie suit which he became absolutely infatuated with

You’d call the kids in for dinner and your son would walk in looking like a mountain of grass

That one gift was what started the tradition of gifting actual military gear

While your daughter just likes getting things she and her brother can play together with, your son becomes interested in actual military equipment

His Christmas lists will start to include things like a tact helmet or vest

One time, he got them both night vision goggles which sucked for you because when he had to leave the kids wanted to stay up all night and play in the dark

(Side note: His kids have definitely picked up on words that relate to the military and war but they don’t fully know what the words mean so they’ll say things like “homework is propaganda”)

Something oddly specific that Price is thankful for is the fact that the older his kids get, the longer they want to sleep in

He loves watching the kids get excited from seeing the present under the tree and all but he enjoys the few hours he has in the morning where he can just hold you close

You two already don’t get to have a lot of time together because of your husband’s line of work and having two children didn’t help since most of your attention revolves around them

He cherishes the mornings where everything’s calm and quite and you’re curled up in his arms without a care in the world

Kate Laswell

She’s very efficient went it comes to buying the kids Christmas presents

When your kids write their Christmas lists, you two split the responsibility, she buys half and you buy the rest

It minimizes the time you have to spend buying gifts and you two usually get it done early so there’s no last minute present hunting, it makes the process quick and painless

During the week of Christmas, you two would take your kids to a café so they could have sweet treats for breakfast and a nice hot chocolate with a small candy cane to stir the piping liquid

After that you’d walk down the street, checking out different gift and pop-up shops so the kids could get Christmas souvenirs

Kate loves taking pictures of you all during the holidays and would definitely take your kids to get their pictures taken with a mall Santa

All of the photos would go in a photo album she has of all the happy memories and milestones you’ve all had over the years

The night before she has to leave for work again, you two sit on the porch and watch the snow fall

Your ears pick up on the sound of a quite ‘flck’ and you turn to see your wife lighting a cigarette, “Kate.”

A small chuckle escapes her lips, she knows how much you hate when she smokes, “It’s Christmas. Humor me, just this once.”

You don’t want your last night together to be a fight so you don’t push the issue but you don’t hide your disapproval either, “Those things are bad for you.”

She takes your hand in hers, intertwining your fingers, “Believe me, I’ve been through worse.”

You know she has and it’s why you worry each time she’s away, you brush your fingers against her knuckles, “Do you have to go?”

“Unfortunately,” she exhales the smoke from her cigarette, giving your hand a gentle squeeze, “But I’ll be back before you know it. I promise.”

Farah Karim

Similar to Ghost, she’s a good parent but sometimes struggles to connect with them emotionally

Your kids would absolutely adore her though

I mean, she’s the most badass role model any kid could have

They always make sure she’s involved in activities, even if she’s too busy to actual partake

She’ll be talking to one of her soldiers on the phone when, all of a sudden, her kids run up to her to hand her Christmas treats and hot cocoa that they made with you

She tends to think of her brother a lot during the holidays, gifting her kids things that she and Hadir enjoyed as children

She doesn’t ever want them to go through what she went through with her brother, first losing her parent and the Hadir turning on her

She teaches them to respect each other and will immediately shut down any fights they have

She appreciates that you light three candles each Christmas for her brother and parents, it’s a subtle acknowledgment of the family she’s lost without crossing any boundaries or opening up old wounds

Although a big portion of her time is preoccupied by the work she’s does to protect her homeland as well as you and your children, she always makes sure that on the holidays there will be a few days where her focus is solely on you and the kids

The kids eat this up and immediately put her to work, they love having her undivided attention and all the Christmas activities she wasn’t able to do before they have her do now

They’ve already make Christmas cookies with you so they’ll make gingerbread houses with her

I also think that because her soldiers are like family, they’d hold a small ceremony where each each soldier brings their loved ones and they pass around little homemade gifts that they made with their family

On the night of Christmas, you and Farah sit in front of the three candles you had lit, in a few minutes it’ll be twelve am and Christmas will officially be over

”Do you want to have the honor of blowing them out?” you ask

She gives you a soft smile, “I’ll let them burn a little longer.”

She wonders if her parents and brother can see her, if they’re glad to see her living a happy life with you and the kids

You move closer, wrapping an arm around her, “I’m sure they’d be proud of you, Farah. So proud.”

Alex Keller

I feel like he’d be such a good girl dad

On Christmas Eve morning, he’d be laying on his stomach in the living room with his daughters sitting on either side of him

Christmas movies would be playing in the background, his youngest letting him pick the colors for his hundredth friendship bracelet while his oldest crochets a snowman with a red and green scarf

His daughters are very crafty so they’d enjoy decorating the house and Christmas tree

After Thanksgiving when all of the Christmas stuff is on display, you’d take the girls shopping for lights, ornaments, tinsels, etc.

Alex will lift your youngest daughter so she can string up decorations while your oldest tells her if something needs to be moved to the right or left so everything’s perfectly even

They also like frosting Christmas cookies but instead of just slapping random colors on the cookie, they pick colors that look pretty together and try to be as neat as possible which contradicts their fathers hot mess of an icing job

You wouldn’t be surprised if they decided that they wanted to pick up cookie frosting as a hobby

There are things that Alex was able to do before, like run around with the kids in the snow, that he can’t do now because of his prosthetic leg

The girls don’t mind though, they actually go out of their way to make sure he’s comfortable, even treating him like he’s made out of glass at times despite the fact that he’s still actively fights in Urzikstan

But it’s sweet how much they care about their father and his well-being

While you’re cleaning up after dinner, Alex will wrap his arms around you from behind, his mustache tickling your skin as he presses soft kisses to your neck

He thanks you for dinner and tells you how good the food was

In turn, you tell him how much you and the girls miss him while he’s away, you jokingly add on, “I was hoping your leg would be enough to make you retire.”

He laughs at that and promising you that it won’t be long now, soon he’ll finally return to you and the kids for good

Phillip Graves

Considering he and Shadow Company work for whoever has the most money, you know he can afford anything on his kids Christmas list

He’ll send you a large sum of money while he’s away so you won’t have any trouble buying presents and the gifts he get you are usually quite expensive

In the weeks leading up to Christmas, you two message each other nonstop

You talk about what you got the kids, what you’ll be making for Christmas dinner, when he’s coming home, things like that

He’ll send you flirty text like “you know what I want for Christmas?” with a winky face or “Wear something pretty when I come home.”

The kids are always excited when their father comes home, they tell him what they wrote down on their Christmas list and which gifts they’re really hoping they get

He tells them that they better be good if they want all those presents, knowing damn well that you’ve already bought every single thing on those lists

I feel like he’d prefer a real tree over a fake tree for no other reason besides the fact that it looks better so each year he takes the kids to look at Christmas trees and, of course, the kids along with their father always want the biggest most badass looking tree

He’ll bring a tote bin up from the basement that’s full of last year’s Christmas decorations and you’ll all decorate the tree as a family

You cringe each time you watch pine needles fall as you wrap the tree in lights and tinsel, you know it’ll be a pain to clean up when Christmas is over but you let it happen every year anyway because you see how happy it makes your husband and children

When Graves puts the kids down for bed, you know exactly what he’s gonna do next

He exits the kids bedroom, closing the door behind him, and he’s on you in seconds

His lips capture yours in a heated kiss as he walks you towards your shared bedroom

“We need to wrap the kids’ presents-,” you try to remind him but he cuts you off with a kiss and tells you, “We can do that later, baby.”

photo creds (pinterest): goldeagleactual - ghost, soap/price, farah/alex | SimpsxCod - gaz | cavantine - kate | julikuli666 - graves

[darlingsaturn]

Tw: noncon peeping

Reader bathing in the river and the boys seeing her as they were trying to look for safe place to camp out in the forest. Instead of continuing with their duty, they use their stealth skill to perv on the beautiful maiden as she bath without a worry or wary.

[lxvvie]

Here's Part 2 to the hilarious ask I answered yesterday.

Alex Keller - Has a delayed reaction because he needs to process the betrayal. Stares at his hand, then at you, and then at his hand again. Oh, it's like that, boss? Oh-ho. Okay. Repays you by not manspreading because you don't appreciate Sweet Keller Lovin'. Feigns being hurt. You kissed him later, or rather you tried to, and he got you back by blowing into your mouth during it. The look on your face was worth it.

König - Laments on the inside in gremlin or something of that nature. On the outside, however, he doesn't really know what to do next until you giggle and tell him you're just pulling his leg. It's back to handholding and his inner gremlin is pleased until the next prank.

Horangi - Ups the stakes. Rests his hand over your ass because why not?

Valeria - Don't even try it. Don't even think about trying it. That hand is hers, dammit.

Phillip Graves - Is the one who will mention that his hand was getting clammy anyway and back to the doghouse he goes lmao.

Keegan - Slow blink. He, too, must process this turn of events. Will actually stop what he's doing and stare at you unyieldingly until you hold his hand again.

[sky-is-the-limit]

𝑻𝑭141 + 𝑨𝒍𝒆𝒙 𝑲𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒆𝒓+𝑷𝒉𝒊𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒑 𝑮𝒓𝒂𝒗𝒆𝒔 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒖𝒑 𝒖𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓 𝒂 𝒎𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒍𝒆𝒕𝒐𝒆 𝒕𝒐𝒈𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓:

𝑪𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝑷𝒓𝒊𝒄𝒆: 𝑵𝒐𝒏𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒍𝒂𝒏𝒕. 𝑻𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒎𝒂𝒏 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒄𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒊𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒅𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏. 𝑯𝒆'𝒅 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒆 𝒂 𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒐𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒔𝒊𝒅𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒑𝒖𝒍𝒍 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒊𝒏 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒈𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂 𝒅𝒆𝒆𝒑 𝒌𝒊𝒔𝒔 𝒐𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒍𝒊𝒑𝒔 𝒃𝒆𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒎𝒖𝒎𝒃𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒆𝒌𝒊𝒍𝒚 "𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒑𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆, 𝒅𝒊𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖, 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆? 𝑴𝒚 𝒈𝒊𝒓𝒍 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅𝒆𝒅 𝒂𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏, 𝒉𝒎?"

𝑯𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒇 𝒑𝒆𝒐𝒑𝒍𝒆 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒕, 𝒐𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒓𝒚, 𝒉𝒆'𝒅 𝒃𝒆 𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒐𝒇𝒇 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒌𝒊𝒔𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒔𝒍𝒐𝒘𝒍𝒚 𝒖𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓 𝒊𝒕 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒂 𝒇𝒆𝒘 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒔𝒆𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒅𝒔 𝒃𝒆𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒅𝒓𝒂𝒈𝒈𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒂𝒔𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒄𝒂𝒓 𝒃𝒆𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒂𝒏 '𝒆𝒎𝒆𝒓𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒚'.

𝑺𝒊𝒎𝒐𝒏 '𝑮𝒉𝒐𝒔𝒕' 𝑹𝒊𝒍𝒆𝒚: 𝑯𝒆'𝒅 𝒓𝒐𝒍𝒍 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒆𝒚𝒆𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌 𝒂𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒂 𝒘𝒂𝒚 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒃𝒆𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒊𝒄𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒏𝒆𝒙𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒉𝒊𝒎. 𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒃𝒆𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒊𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒏𝒂 𝒌𝒊𝒔𝒔 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒅𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌 𝒔𝒐 𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒖𝒕𝒊𝒇𝒖𝒍 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒖𝒑 𝒂𝒕 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒉𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒇𝒖𝒍 𝒆𝒚𝒆𝒔.

𝑰 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒉𝒆'𝒅 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒍𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒊𝒏 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒐𝒘𝒏 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝒐𝒏𝒍𝒚 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒅 𝒈𝒓𝒂𝒃 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒇𝒂𝒄𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒔𝒎𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝒂 𝒌𝒊𝒔𝒔 𝒐𝒏 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒍𝒊𝒑𝒔. 𝑩𝒆 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒂𝒊𝒓 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒄𝒌𝒆𝒅 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒃𝒆𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒐𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒅 𝒈𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝒕𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆, 𝒉𝒆'𝒅 𝒃𝒖𝒄𝒌 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒖𝒑 𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒏𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒍𝒍.

𝑲𝒚𝒍𝒆 '𝑮𝒂𝒛' 𝑮𝒂𝒓𝒓𝒊𝒄𝒌: 𝑰 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒔𝒆𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒂 "𝒘𝒆'𝒓𝒆 𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒆𝒎𝒊𝒆𝒔 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒇𝒖𝒄𝒌 𝒆𝒂𝒄𝒉 𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒆𝒚𝒆𝒔 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒘𝒆'𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒏 𝒄𝒍𝒐𝒔𝒆 𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒙𝒊𝒎𝒊𝒕𝒚" 𝒔𝒊𝒕𝒖𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏. 𝑪𝒐𝒄𝒌𝒚 𝒃𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒅 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌 𝒔𝒐 𝒈𝒐𝒐𝒅 𝒊𝒏 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒏𝒂𝒗𝒚 𝒃𝒍𝒖𝒆 𝒔𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏 𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒓𝒕, 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒄𝒐𝒍𝒐𝒈𝒏𝒆 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐𝒙𝒊𝒄𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒃𝒓𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝒂𝒏𝒅 ��𝒊𝒈 𝒂𝒎𝒃𝒆𝒓 𝒆𝒚𝒆𝒔 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒉𝒆'𝒔 5 𝒔𝒆𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒅𝒔 𝒂𝒘𝒂𝒚 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒎 𝒇𝒖𝒄𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒏𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒃𝒂𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒐𝒐𝒎.

"𝑫𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌 𝒂𝒕 𝒎𝒆 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕, 𝒀/𝑵. 𝑰 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒓𝒆 𝒅𝒚𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒌𝒊𝒔𝒔 𝒎𝒆." 𝑾𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒃𝒊𝒈𝒈𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒔𝒎𝒊𝒓𝒌 𝒐𝒏 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒇𝒂𝒄𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒅𝒐𝒏’𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒌 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒅 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒚 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒄𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒃𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌. 𝑯𝒊𝒔 𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒅 𝒊𝒕𝒔 𝒘𝒂𝒚 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝒐𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒏𝒆𝒄𝒌 𝒊𝒏 𝒂𝒏 𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒑𝒖𝒍𝒍 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒊𝒏 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒂 𝒌𝒊𝒔𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒑𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒈𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒓𝒐𝒎-𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒉𝒂𝒎𝒆. "𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒓𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕."

𝑱𝒐𝒉𝒏𝒏𝒚 '𝑺𝒐𝒂𝒑' 𝑴𝒂𝒄𝑻𝒂𝒗𝒊𝒔𝒉: "𝑶𝒉, 𝒘𝒉𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒉𝒆𝒍𝒍 𝒑𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆?" 𝑯𝒆 𝒅𝒊𝒅. 𝑮𝒐𝒅, 𝒉𝒆'𝒅 𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒃𝒂𝒃𝒍𝒚 𝒊𝒈𝒏𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒕𝒓𝒚𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒌 𝒕𝒐 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒂𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒚 𝒃𝒆𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒉𝒆'𝒅 𝒃𝒆 𝒍𝒂𝒔𝒆𝒓 𝒇𝒐𝒄𝒖𝒔𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒄𝒂𝒕𝒄𝒉 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒖𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓 𝒊𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒎𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒖𝒏 𝒐𝒇 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒍𝒆𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒚𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒂𝒍 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒎𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕.

"𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕'𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒇𝒐𝒓, 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖, 𝒃𝒐𝒏𝒏𝒊𝒆?" 𝑰𝒏 𝒂 𝒔𝒖𝒍𝒕𝒓𝒚, 𝒍𝒐𝒘 𝒗𝒐𝒊𝒄𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒃𝒍𝒖𝒆 𝒆𝒚𝒆𝒔 𝒏𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒃𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒆𝒚𝒆 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒄𝒕 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒕𝒖𝒅𝒚 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒃𝒐𝒅𝒚 𝒍𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒖𝒂𝒈𝒆 𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒇𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒇𝒍𝒖𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒅. 𝑯𝒆'𝒅 𝒅𝒐 𝒊𝒕 𝒔𝒍𝒐𝒘𝒍𝒚 𝒕𝒐𝒐, 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒑𝒂𝒍𝒎 𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒆𝒌 𝒕𝒐 𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒔 𝒊𝒕 𝒔𝒐𝒇𝒕𝒍𝒚 𝒃𝒆𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂 𝒌𝒊𝒔𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒄𝒐𝒓𝒏𝒆𝒓 𝒐𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒍𝒊𝒑𝒔 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒐𝒓𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒘𝒂𝒕𝒄𝒉 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒘𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒆𝒚 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒇𝒓𝒖𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒅.

"𝑨𝒍𝒓𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕, 𝒂𝒍𝒓𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒍𝒂𝒔𝒔. 𝑰 𝒈𝒐𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖." 𝑰𝒕 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒃𝒆 𝒂 𝒔𝒍𝒐𝒘, 𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒔𝒖𝒂𝒍 𝒌𝒊𝒔𝒔 𝒃𝒆𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒃𝒆𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒂𝒔𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒈𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒂 𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒍𝒆 𝒇𝒖𝒄𝒌 𝒐𝒏 𝒘𝒉𝒐'𝒔 𝒘𝒂𝒕𝒄𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈.

𝑨𝒍𝒆𝒙 𝑲𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒆𝒓: 𝑰𝒕 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒕𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒐 𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒊𝒄𝒆. 𝒀𝒐𝒖'𝒅 𝒔𝒖𝒃𝒕𝒍𝒚 𝒘𝒂𝒍𝒌 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒂𝒔𝒔 𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒘𝒂𝒊𝒕 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒕𝒐 𝒅𝒐 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒎𝒂𝒏 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒃𝒆 𝒕𝒐𝒐 𝒇𝒐𝒄𝒖𝒔𝒆𝒅 𝒐𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒃𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒏𝒆𝒄𝒌𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒓𝒆𝒅 𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒍𝒊𝒑𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒔 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒃𝒓𝒂𝒊𝒏. 𝑬𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒂𝒇𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒔𝒊𝒈𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒕𝒐 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌 𝒖𝒑, 𝒉𝒆'𝒅 𝒎𝒊𝒔𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒅𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒆𝒚𝒆𝒔 𝒖𝒑 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒅𝒐𝒘𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒃𝒐𝒅𝒚 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒉𝒆'𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒂 𝑮𝒐𝒅𝒅𝒆𝒔𝒔.

"𝑫𝒂𝒎𝒏 𝒊𝒕, 𝑲𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒆𝒓! 𝑨𝒓𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒈𝒐𝒏𝒏𝒂 𝒌𝒊𝒔𝒔 𝒎𝒆 𝒐𝒓 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕?" 𝑻𝒉𝒂𝒕'𝒔 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒔𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒖𝒕𝒊𝒇𝒖𝒍 𝒃𝒍𝒖𝒆 𝒆𝒚𝒆𝒔 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌 𝒖𝒑 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝒂𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒃𝒊𝒈𝒈𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒇𝒖𝒄𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒔𝒎𝒊𝒍𝒆 𝒐𝒏 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒇𝒂𝒄𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 "𝒀𝒆𝒔 𝒎𝒂'𝒂𝒎" 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒐𝒏𝒈𝒖𝒆 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒎𝒐𝒖𝒕𝒉.

𝑷𝒉𝒊𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒑 𝑮𝒓𝒂𝒗𝒆𝒔: "𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒉𝒆𝒍𝒍 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈? 𝑪𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒔𝒆𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔-" 𝑨𝒓𝒓𝒐𝒈𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒑𝒓𝒊𝒄𝒌 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒂𝒄𝒕 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒂 𝒔𝒊𝒍𝒍𝒚, 𝒍𝒂𝒎𝒆 𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒅𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝒃𝒆𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒔𝒊𝒈𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒕𝒐 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒂𝒏𝒅, 𝒂𝒔 𝒂 𝒔𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝑪𝒐𝒎𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓, 𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒑 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒖𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓 𝒊𝒕. 𝑯𝒊𝒔 𝒑𝒐𝒌𝒆𝒓 𝒇𝒂𝒄𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒈𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒂𝒘𝒂𝒚 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒏, 𝒔𝒐 𝒂𝒕 𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒅 𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒍𝒚 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒌 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒉𝒆 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒕𝒐 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒄𝒌 𝒊𝒕 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒂𝒈𝒓𝒆𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒊𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒔𝒕𝒖𝒑𝒊𝒅.

𝑨𝒏𝒅 𝒔𝒐 𝒂𝒇𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒕 𝒊𝒕 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒕𝒐𝒐 𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒈, 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒅 𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒏 𝒕𝒐 𝒇𝒂𝒄𝒆 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒂 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒚, 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒅 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒊𝒏 𝒂𝒏 𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒕. 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒄𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒘𝒉𝒊𝒄𝒉 𝒉𝒆'𝒅 𝒌𝒊𝒔𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒎𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒔𝒕𝒖𝒎𝒃𝒍𝒆 𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒍𝒍, 𝒐𝒏𝒍𝒚 𝒕𝒐 𝒈𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒂𝒄𝒄𝒆𝒔𝒔 𝒕𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒖𝒑𝒑𝒆𝒓 𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒆𝒔𝒄𝒂𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔. "𝑰'𝒎 𝒂 𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒅𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍 𝒎𝒂𝒏 𝒂𝒇𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒂𝒍𝒍, 𝒔𝒘𝒆𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕."

[gothghostiie]

thinking about being bent over the the bathroom sink right after finishing your makeup before you have to leave for work, getting your empty little brain fucked out while he tells you that you don't need to work, all you need to do is take his cock!!! :(

[doodler-jpeg]

Thinking about self aware! MW characters (plus Roach) who absolutely adore your laugh.

CW// gender neutral, unfunny men deserve to be slandered, favoritism is seen, badly translated Scottish and Spanish, this is based off of my interpretation (you can find the main fic link on my account)

Feedback and criticism are highly encouraged! Please tell me if anything is badly translated, out of character, or something else!

Ghost actively makes jokes that are guaranteed to make you at least giggle. Even through this weird mental barrier (for him) and your monitor's screen, it's so invigorating to hear some form of joy out on the field, especially when it's from you. It just makes that fuzzy feeling in his heart multiply.

"Thank you, thank you - I'll be here all night."

Gaz takes absolute advantage of this. He makes a few jokes here and there, but keeps it to interesting stories. In some instances, he just starts laughing out of nowhere and you can't help but join in. It's very clear he gets bitches on the daily.

"Didn't know I was that funny, but I'll take what I can get."

Price uses all of his past experiences with courting to get, at the very least, a giggle or two out of you. He doesn't have millenium of experience (contrary to your belief), but he's certain that his "old-man" charisma and his weird way with words. But he still tells some older jokes, so your assumption that he's older isn't completely wrong (he was totally raised by his grandparents).

"Would you like to hear a story?" *Tells one of the pointless joke stories that lasts for 10 minutes and has the stupidest punchline*

Roach can't really come up with ways to make you laugh. His preference of keeping quiet and faceless doesn't really help, either. Instead, he tries to point out some enemy on the field, signing insults to them that you're sure to understand.

'His head looks like a donkey, and he acts like one, too.'

Soap physically cannot keep you from laughing. He doesn't even have to make a joke, you just start laughing. He believes it's because he's just an immediately funny dude, but you're not going to tell him that he looks stupid with that hairstyle. If he does tell any jokes, they're not even funny.

"Dinnae ken how come ye'r laughing, bit keep daein' it."

Alejandro tries, he really does, and it doesn't work most of the time. It's kind of funny seeing this overly-confident dude absolutely fumble because of his lack of realization that your personality and humor aren't really the same as the people he usually catches. On occasion, though, he does get a rise out of you and can't stop smirking about it for the rest of the day.

Valeria has subtle jokes that rely mainly on her tone, but those aren't her priority. She doesn't mean to be rude (lies usually, but with you?), but she does impressions of your laugh and then comments on it. Usually they're not bad, but it does feel demeaning sometimes.

"Me gusta esa risa. Jejejejeje."

"You know why Mexicans call Americans 'gringos'? ... Would you like to?"

Rodolfo doesn't always try to make you laugh - he still gets a bit disoriented that you're no physically there (which means he can't see your face, but what is he gonna do about it?). His humbleness and large range of jokes really comes through, especially since he'd been the family entertainer at parties. If you can understand simple jokes in Spanish? You're practically set to be unable to keep a straight face, and he loves it. (Even if he doesn't understand it, he'll turn it into a mini lesson so you do)

"¿Qué dijo el gato cuando chocó su carro? 'Miau-to.'"

Nikolai has a handful of Russian jokes at his disposal. Are you completely guaranteed to understand? No, and he doesn't expect you to. If you do understand Russian, boy howdy is he gonna have the time of his life! You won't be able to breathe properly until he's out of sight!

"You see, it's funny because-" *explains joke if you don't understand*

Laswell is a huge fan of subtle jokes. She often makes small, funny comments that get light-hearted chuckles out of her. However, she also has older humor, which means you're less likely to understand unless you, too, are old (which isn't likely, but it's still a possibility). She likes hearing you laugh and really does try to get some sort of connection with you, even if it doesn't work.

"What did the chicken say when it crossed the road? 'Damn it, I missed the bus.'"

Alex is a funny man. He's aware of his effect on people and uses it to his full advantage. As a people-pleaser, he makes it his duty to get you to laugh as much as possible. If he doesn't make you laugh, he'll make himself laugh, and then you laugh. He's totally not putting all his effort into jokes just to get you to laugh or anything. He's just that guy.

"Me? A tryhard? Whaaaat? Psh- as if."

Farah has no business with nonchalant jokes, but she makes them work. While she does like the sound of your voice, she doesn't want to force it. She believes that intentionally funny words can diminish any genuine laughter, so she sticks to half-assing it in hopes you at least giggle. That's not to say she doesn't try to get you to laugh - she just does it far less, since she can't see your face (but she can just imagine the glee on your face if you get the giggles because of her).

"What is your type of humor? Asking for a friend."

Graves is unintentionally funny. When he tries, he fails miserably. He says a southern phrase that might not be super known? You're cracking up. He doesn't get it, but at least you're going 'teehee'.

"What's so funny 'bout me sayin' cattywampus? It fits the situation!"

[bartyssimp-riley-16]

Cod characters as Hozier songs~

Price, Alex , simon, Valeria, Alejandro, Graves, Nikto

Soap, Gaz, Konig, Horangi , Keegan , roach, Farah, Rodolfo, Hesh

Simon, Valeria, Keegan , Logan, Graves, Nikto, Konig