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the-necessary-unnecessary · 4 years ago

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My top 7 Arsenal wfc players, aka the whole team because they're all my children and you can't chose between children

(And they're not many more than seven anyways)

Beth Mead: a wizard on the wong and the original crot queen. She may not have had the best season this year but shes still managed to play an important part in the team and has conquered many hearts in the process. If she has to retire early because of all the hits she receives during matches then she's got a bright future ahead of her as a cringey tiktok star or, if that fails, a career as a HSM impersonator on cruise ships

Cailtin Foord: there were mixed opinions when she was first announced as a new signing, but she almost immediately became one more member of the arsenal family amongst players and supporters alike. Before Covid struck shes already stamped her mark on the club with her skill and made her way onto the scoresheet, and now shes also made her way into Lia's house and infected the squad with the chaotic tiktok bug

Dan Carter: literally a gooner through and through having played for arsenal for practically all her life and pulling through in the big moments. Heartbreak and injury have been her middle names for over the past year having sustained two ACL injuries in 14 months. Even if she hasnt had as much of an impact on the pitch shes still been a large part of injury fc, with her and her diary always being a source of sarcasm and banter through it all.

Danielle Van De Donk: she probably described herself best when she said she was a feisty puppy who wants to ball. A woman who takes no prisoners during matches, opponents refs and the back of nets all fear her. Off the pitch though shes a real softie who radiates chaotic energy and yet has developed over the years into quite the leader (even if she still follows beth around on her tiktok adventures)

Jennifer Beattie: a friendly giant who quietly puts in all the work at the back, being an absolute unit as a last line of defense which was sorely missed during her injury. She came back from City because arsenal is home and that's beautiful. Talking about beautiful, her and Chloe. That's it, nothing more needs to be elaborated on. Pretty underrated although shes been getting more attention lately, she makes Kim company as the quiet Scottish duo who are lethal on the pitch

Jill Roord: despite her love hate relationship with goal posts, shes still made her mark at arsenal this year especially thanks to the fact that she has remained injury free this year (dont worry I touched wood when I typed that) and hopefully next year when shes settled in even more to the team and the league then she'll be able to show what she's truly made of. That is, if she lasts that long before the team kick her out for being too annoying. A woman who likes the two extremes, Frozen and Olaf as well as blonde tattooed players and famous thirst traps, she epitomises this soft yet hard personality dichotomy too

Jordan Nobbs: calm, composed, skillful, professional, dynamic and with the capacity of being able to astutely read the game, she's the personification of arsenal in a player. Having been at the club for a whole decade now she's practically lived it all and yet she continues on hungry for better and more. With the way she acts on the pitch you would never guess her forgetful, dorky, awkward nature off it. The woman with both the longest nando's order ever and the shortest attention span.

Katie McCabe: the Irish devil, the arsenal player founder of the tucked in shirt, member of the love to hate her girlfriend club. Her almost permanent move to left back this season has reaped bountiful benefits for her, a flexible player who always finds freedom on the wing shes proved herself as lethal as both a defender and a finisher. In Jordan's words, she talks about her biceps all the time, but so would I if I was that stacked. That being said, Ruesha always finds a way to beat her which is probably payback for her scoring against West Ham in the cup

Katrine Veje: another player lost to injury this season, although lockdown has treated her well (that makes one of us) and she's apparently fully fit again. Shes been sorely missed as a fullback for most of her season, her explosiveness and crosses in particular. As it is shes used her time to get in some spectacular photoshoots and just be and just be a source of clownery as a veteran at injury fc

Kim Little: as silent as Kim and as deadly as Kim should be new british sayings at this point. Quick on her feet with nerves of steel shes an impressive player to watch and is sometimes the glue in the midfield that keeps arsenal together. Her professionalism both on and off the pitch is as big as her dislike of cameras

Leah Williamson: the face of arsenal and not because of her looks, rather because of her insane talent and her embodiment of all things arsenal. From the moment she was born arsenal was pumping through her veins. One of the best up and coming CBs with long range passes for days she has been a crucial part of the arsenal squad for so long you forget she's just 23. What she lacks in some of her fashion choices she makes up in her bright and nerdy personality and her never ending stream of insults directed at Jordan

Leonie Maier: she recently said that she has never regretted the decision to move to arsenal and that has been because shes been able to shine in defense mainly alongside Leah, each playing off each other's strengths and developing herself as a player in a new league which is never an easy transition. Dont let her banana bread making trick you into thinking shes the mum in the group, shes proved herself to be as chaotic as the rest of them.

Lia Walti: arguably the best thing to come out of Switzerland since toblerone (much better than swiss cheese though). Like a lot of arsenal players, it sometimes seems like she would be better off playing in bubble wrap so she wouldnt sustain as many injuries. She's an intelligent player, one of the best qualities to have as a midfielder, with skill coming out of her ears and unfulfilled potential still to come. Her sunshine-like looks can be deceiving though because she leaves her brain cells in the changing room, as is becoming an arsenal tradition.

Lisa Evans: another alround players who, as a winger-cum-fullback, has thrived in her position this year. Her defensive position yet forward thinking mentality has proved deadly and when shes been given space to roam the wing too shes provided goals and assists a plenty. Her unpredictability on the pitch translates into her chaotic tendencies off it and a love for the arsenal anthem “we've got McCabe, Katie McCabe”. Sometimes she likes to pretend that she's a seal (exhibit A attached below)

Louise Quinn: it would be stereotypical to say that it's natural that shes so good at headers due to her height, but stereotypes exist for a reason and her tower-like build makes her a match for any Millie Bright in the heading department. She's a consistent, sturdy player who is great at starting up play from the back in many cases providing that vital first past (sometimes with her head because she's tall). Her pastimes include drinking a lot of coffee, understandable that she needs to refuel considering her height, and making fun on her teammates so that they dont make fun of her accent and her 183 cm length. Have I mentioned that she's tall?

Manuela Zinsberger: an extremely talented goalkeeper although sometimes people can excusably confuse her with being arsenal's eleventh outfield player. Another bayern recruit she's been key this season making some great saves and causing a few heart attacks in the process (west ham's penalty box free kick anyone?). She may look tough but she's just as much a clown as the rest of them

Pauline Peyraud-Magnin: the second proud member of the goalkeepers union. Shes not called the Hulk for no reason, racking up some great saves and skills with her feet even as Joe's second choice. What she lacks in command of the english language she makes up in utter chaos including hand gestures, shouting and eratic dancing, well as staging photoshoots at arsenal's gym.

Viki Schnaderbeck: shes been able to mostly avoid injury fc this season after a long stint there last year and her hardwork has paid off to establish her as a mainstay here as a skilled defensive player. Shes been loud and proud recently on social media and I am loudly and proudly here to support it

Vivianne Miedema: in Katie's own words “the goat”. Absolutely lethal as a center-forward, calm collected and composed in front of the goal, and also crucial in providing build up play and assists. She can both hold off opponents and reach an unmatched maximum speed with surprising ambidexterity and complete nonchalantness. The only player who is actively lazy and is able to get away with it. She puts up with a lot of chaos but is not unknown to add to it too, mainly providing subtle humor and sarcastic wit. Not a personality for the faint hearted.

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pcwpolwrestling · 8 years ago

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PCW Rewind: 5/3/2012 PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN- Democratic Battle Royale

Blackwell, Others, Suspended for White House Correspondent’s Dinner Attack PCW NEWSLINE – May 1st, 2012

PCW Spokesperson Jay Carney announced earlier today that Charlie Blackwell and Mike the Mechanic from the American Heartland Coalition have been suspended from PCW for their actions last Saturday night at the White House Correspondent‘s Dinner.

Blackwell and Mike led a charge of unaffiliated wrestlers into the hall after Jimmy Kimmel‘s routine and all hell broke loose as the group attacked the Republican and Democrat wrestlers as well as some of the honored guests.

Said Carney:

We simply can’t have this type of unruly behavior on one of Washington D.C‘s grandest traditions- politicos hobnobbing with and showcasing rich elite celebrities and other people with overly inflated visions of self importance.

Carney also noted that this is the second time the American Heartland Coalition has attacked the dinner- harking back to last year’s PCW show where the American Heartland Coalition ripped the event saying things such as: “While the haves dance at their ‘Nerd Prom’, the have nots have to dance around their deteriorating economic situation and try to make ends meet.”

Also suspended, PCW’s Queen of Extreme Valora Salinas and the Mercenaries (Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovalevski) for their ‘despicable attack’ on the Hollywood guests.

Valora Salinas and the Mercenaries: Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovalevski

Said Carney:

No one goes to the dinner to see what kind of ridiculous get up Maureen Dowd of the New York Times is dressed in. They go to see the stars and we simply can’t have loose cannons like Valora and the Mercenaries driving our Hollywood friends away.

Carney also announced that any wrestler not affiliated with the Republicans or Democrats would be ‘excused’ from this Thursday’s PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN show. The special two hour show will be split up with the Republicans taking the first hour and the Democrats taking the second hour to begin tournaments to determine who the Red (Republican) and Blue (Democrat) title holders will be.

Carney noted that the Red and Blue titles will be awarded at next month’s PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed 8 pay per view show.

MATCHES SIGNED FOR JUNE’S PCW LOOSE CANNONS UNLEASHED 8 PPV:-PCW Television Title Match: ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) (c) vs. Valora Salinas-PCW Tag Team Title Match: Big Union: ‘The Self Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D) (c) vs. Scott Walker’s Rangers: Ronnie and John Walker (R)-PCW Women’s Title Match: Miss USA (c) vs. Kathryn Randall Collins (D) -Red Title Match: TBD -Blue Title Match: TBD -PCW Title Match: The Sanderman (D) (c) vs. Yamamoto Tanaka (R)

Plus, PCW Hall of Fame Inductions of: Wrestlers: ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido (I) and Starz N. Stripes (also known as ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott) (R) Politicians: ‘The American Screamer’ Howard Dean (D-VT) and ‘The Mastermind’ Karl Rove (R)

PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN Viking Hall Bristol, TN Thursday May 3rd, 2012 Host: Johnny Suave

It was the first show after the big announcement on PCW Extreme Political TV that Republicans and Democrats will be competing separately for the Red and Blue title belts. Plus, the arena was still buzzing over what went down at the White House Correspondent‘s Dinner aka “the Nerdprom” and subsequent suspensions of ringleaders Charlie Blackwell and Mike the Mechanic of the American Heartland Coalition along with PCW’s Queen of Extreme Valora Salinas and The Mercenaries (Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovalevski).

Suave welcomes everyone to the pre Star Wars Day edition of PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN.

Backstage Fun Democratic Leader Debbie Wasserman-Schultz and Republican Leader Rance Priebus argue back and forth about who will start the show- the Democrats or the Republicans.

PCW Television Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) barges in and pushes Priebus away. Chism demands to know why he wasn’t chosen higher in the draft? Wasserman-Schultz tries to answer but Chism interrupts her and says it’s not fair to put a talent of his stature in that type of position. Chism reminds her that he represents the Hollywood Left contingent and that’s an important Democratic constituent.

Wasserman-Schultz apologizes and Chism he’ll have a ’preferred’ entry into the tournament to determine the ’Blue’ champion. The words barely leave her mouth when Big Union (‘The Self Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker) (D) walk up. Big Labor shoves Chism out of the way and informs Wasserman-Schultz that Big Union is a big supporter of Democrats and if anyone should have a preferred path to the Blue title it’s either him or James the Jeep Worker.

Wasserman-Schultz tries to sooth things over with Big Labor when Extreme Plaintiff Attorneys Felcher and Felcher walk out with a legal letter they say gives them a preferred entry into the Blue belt title match.

Then it’s the Green World Order (‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee, GreenPete, ‘Radishing’ Rick Rube- Agronomist, and PeaceNick w/Peta from PETA) who come out and claim their preferred spot.

Finally, PCW CEO Barack Obama’s (D-IL) second in command Joe Biden (D-DE) walks out to mediate the dispute.

Biden: As you all know, CEO Obama has a big stick that he uses to keep order here in PCW. I know that none of you are red state country bumpkins. You’re shrewd politicos but I am here to tell you that you are not getting what you want. We want you all to have a fair shot at the Blue title. We think you all deserve a chance at the Blue title. Democrats want you all to have a title shot. So tonight, we’re going to have a battle royale…and it’s going to be the main event of the show!

Outside the Arena The American Heartland Coalition’s Charlie Blackwell, Mike the Mechanic, Tequila Sheila, and Kenzie Blackwell huddle outside. Suave reminds everyone that Blackwell and Mike are banned from the arena because what went down at the White House Correspondent’s Dinner.

(1) ‘The Japanese SuperDestroyer’ Yamamoto Tanaka (R) def. Rev. Oral Hinnrich (R) of the God Squad

Tanaka hit a powerbomb early on and then finished Rev. Hinnrich with the Japanese SuperDestroyer @ :58.

Post match, Tanaka does a commercial for a big corporation who then lavish the former three time PCW champion with cash.

Texas Jack (R) hits the ring and breaks up Tanaka’s party. He thanks the Republican Establishment for being short sighted corporate jackasses. He tries to goad Tanaka into a extreme hardcore brawl but Priebus comes out and puts a stop to it.

Priebus says the days of the ‘old’ PCW without rules are over. The Republican says he’s enacted a series of new rules designed to make the PCW Red belt more corporate friendly. No more hardcore, out of control brawls. No more weapons. Only good ol’ fashioned all-American wrestling. Priebus then books Texas Jack in a match against RINO- The Wonk Machine.

(2) RINO- The Wonk Machine (R) def. Texas Jack (R) by DQ

Good match into Texas Jack got pissed off at RINO and tossed him out of the ring. Jack grabbed a chair and clobbered the Wonk Machine with it to get disqualified @ 6:03.

Post match, Texas Jack drills the referee with the chair and chases Priebus to the back.

“The Life of Julia”The Obama campaign released a web slideshow that takes the viewer through the life stages of a fictional woman named Julia. At age three, a slide says Julia is enrolled in the government Head Start program, which says presumptive Republican nominee Mitt Romney would slash. Later in life, the web tool says Julia received cheaper student loans, a Pell Grant and a tax credit. She benefited from the health care law and in her older years, Julia received Medicare and Social Security.

Backstage PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein talks with ‘the Massachusetts Redblood’ Mitt Romney (R-MA). Romney notes that with the disappointing job numbers out there that the thing Julia needs the most is a job.

(3) Big Oil (R) w/Kirk Walstreit def. ‘The Right Reverend’ Randy Richardson (R)

In a wild match that saw both men nearly get counted out, Big Oil hit the Oklahoma Driller to defeat Triple R @ 11:28 and move on in the tournament.

After the match, Big Oil got on the microphone and announced that the naming rights to his finisher, the Oklahoma Driller, had been sold for over two million dollars to Chevron. So now, Big Oil says the finisher is to be called the ‘Chevron Oklahoma Driller.’

Suave: Swell.

JuliaThe latest political sensation Julia walks out with Democratic strategist Karen Finney. Finney calls Julia the epitomy of ‘what women want’ and says if Mitt Romney had his way, she’d be dead in her mid-30′s.

Suave: Huh?

Finney says Julia will now be the Democrats standard barrier to win the PCW Women’s title back from Miss USA.

(4) Kirk Walstreit (R) w/Big Oil def. Magnum PO’d w/ Robyn Masters

Walstreit wins with the Stock Market Plunge @ 7:19 to advance. Then he got on the microphone.

Walstreit: It’s about time the adults took back PCW and stopped all this hardcore, extreme crap. It’s over, people. Go back to your computers and download pictures of Megan Fox to amuse yourselves while the big boys take care of business. Go back to your Star Wars conventions along with the rest of the job challenged adult adolescents and–

youtube

Suave: Indeed. May the Fourth be with you.

Joe Biden‘s OfficePriebus and Wasserman-Schultz are joined by John Boehner (R-OH) and Harry Reid (D-NV) as they bicker back and forth about the format of the shows. Then…

Two men come out and unroll a white carpet. Dancers then dance. Ballet dancers…ballet? Little children walk up the white carpet and drop rose petals. Someone lets loose some pigeons…not sure just how they’ll get out of the building. PCW CEO Barack Obama appears.

Obama: I also find your lack of faith disturbing. Here’s my proposition. The Red show will get a half hour a week at a venue of their choosing. The Blue show will get a half hour a week at their venue. PCW Extreme Political TV will be the home show for the independents/non-affiliated.

(5) Julia (D) def. Kacie Myers

Julia wins but with help from Women for Women (Code Pink and Emily S. List) and then from the referee who ’assists’ Julia in defeating Independent Myers.

Main Event: Democratic Battle Royale

No one wants to fight- they all believe they should get an automatic pass to the title match. Then newcomer and former PCW Champion Daniel-San (D) runs down and takes out each wrestler one by one. He tosses Big Labor out to claim the win at 24:41

Immediately after the match, the entire group raced to the back towards CEO Obama’s office as the show ends…

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