#aka lack of motivation and energy for me

[the-irrelevant-trumpeter]

me: oh my god i have so much school stuff to do, it's so unfair that they dump an unreasonable amount of work on us and then expect us to be able to keep up with it when we simply don't have the time

also me: *spends an entire day watching youtube*

[pseudoartistpostsstuff]

Alright alright- Bear with me here. Could I perhaps ask for a Yandere LU Chain, where Reader is like HUGE adventurer. Kinda like Wild in his game, exploring everywhere and stuff. But one day maybe Reader gets hurt on an adventure by a black-blooded creature, and the Chain is bit too late to save them. So Reader is like Twilight for a bit, although maybe they can also recover due to the Chain likely supporting them as much if not more than with Twilight. How would the Chain react to this afterwards? Would they be relieved, angry, or...? Both? Tbh I think overprotectiveness would just go brrrr after this-

Also, love love LOVE your writing! Seriously, HOW DO YOU DO THIS MAGIC? It's put together so well and istg i get goosebumps sometimes from this stuff.

Thank you!!!

Thank you very much for requesting, and I hope you enjoy this very late reply!

Notes aka author ramblings: Apollo slapped me in the face with random energy and motivation to write this, the inspiration came along the way and faded a bit more towards the end, so please take that into consideration 😭

Basically I wrote this on the span of 2-3 hours

What may look like a few plot holes was some ties I left untied on purpose because I felt like it'd probably sound too much like an info dump in the oneshot

But I have so many thoughts

And yes reader's codename is Stray

I hope I'm not rusty fr

TWs: Light yanderism, blood and wounds (not graphic), mentioned spiders, bullying, childhood trauma and exclusion.

Yandere! LU! Chain x Reader

Stray at heart, collared in body.

The world is big and full of stuff, and to say that you loved to explore it would be an understatement. Sometimes it felt like your biggest love was for adventuring, cause’ of course it was! How could anyone not love to find new places, objects, people— Even animals and magical creatures!

It was the type of subject that got you rambling and all excited.

Of course, you weren't exactly one of those pure born hyruleans, you weren't even from Hyrule, for starters, so you lacked the elegant pointy ears, and, well, the actual magic and luck that came with being one so close to Hylia as the race that descended from the Goddess herself.

That definitely hindered your explorations, leaving you bare handed when it came to healing and all things good and helpful for explorers like you. Still, none of that ever stopped you.

Actually, it was the thing that moved you to start in the first place, back when you were very young.

Back then, in the village you came from yet never considered home, the whole place felt filled to the brim with boredom-inducing stillness — or so you remembered, and so your childish eyes told you — you felt like it wasn't worth staying there.

It was going to be still and empty of fun forever, you could never be happy staying locked down there when so many new and yet ancient things were waiting for you everywhere else!

Needless to say, your head was constantly in the clouds, though, maybe that was a good thing after a while. It certainly shielded you from feeling too lonely when you started to actually notice you were being excluded by the rest of the children.

The stares and quiet giggles weren't easy to bear, but you just learned to deal with them with time, keeping yourself focused on your future instead, the future you wanted to build far away from that place.

Of course, as you are now today, and after learning about and interacting with so many different cultures, learning what you could from their knowledge, some things stuck with you.

Like the knowledge that now you had, that the children weren't ever the ones at fault in the first place.

Their stares and giggles mainly mimicked, almost perfectly, the ones who teached them to act that way, their glares and mockery.

Sometimes you wondered how your own parents managed to cope with being badly spoken about in the mouths of other adults from that village, the ones who insisted in believing your restless adventurous spirit from such a young age could be nothing else but bad parenting or a curse to the family.

You used to believe it, wish it was real and you either were or had a curse. That would mean that you at least had a percentage of magic in your veins, even if it wasn't exactly the best type.

Because it turns out, you didn't fit in with the most of Hyrule, either. Your normalness kept them away just like your strangeness used to keep away those around you during your childhood.

In fact, that acquired you the nickname of “Stray”.

Stray. Stray because at heart, no matter the community you shoved your way into, you didn't truly belong anywhere. You belonged to the world around you, and nothing could force that out of you.

It was deeply etched into your very soul.

Or so they said.

Well, a group of people begged to differ.

You've heard of a “hero” and a “triangle trio” thing more than a few times already when you roamed the remaining villages of Hyrule, but the last thing you were expecting to find was nine heroes traveling together in a group.

However, none of them belonged here anymore, and so that spoke directly to your inner child, the one who was used to being the only one, always related to some synonym of lonely.

You were often called “Stray” by them rather than your own name, but you still wore the name with pride, because now you were in no way the only stray present anymore.

They were also the reason you stopped wishing for a curse of a magic of some kind. Because you were more than aware that then they'd also have to force you into an imprisonment of some kind.

Still, you already felt achieved.

Finally.

What else could you wish for? You were finally able to explore to your heart's content.

Though not without many worried glances and startled yells sent your way every time you got near anything that left you endangered in some way.

And the best part, you weren't shunned anymore.

At least not by them. Villager's still gave you uneasy and passive aggressive glances.

The one you were probably the closest to was the one named “Wild”, or so they called him — calling all of them “Link” wasn't ideal — after all, out of all of them, he was the one who was most in tune with you.

You were both from the same time period, which already differed from the others, but he wasn't able to fit in anymore due to his lack of ties to any community.

Of course, you were more than aware you still weren't the same. If he tried, he'd still be able to settle down anywhere he wanted, but he still had a job to do which rendered him unable to do so, therefore you made yourself believe you were still alike in some way.

It would hurt too much to not do so, your sanity was at sake here.

They made it so easy too. being all friendly and welcoming. You finally felt at home, in peace.

What else could you truly wish for?

Although, maybe singing victory and yapping about happiness wasn't the smartest idea when they were all in a dangerous mission. And you, of course, were involved.

You were all exploring — or rather, just walking through — a forest on the way to some village at the very ends of Hyrule.

The people of that village didn't travel much, but they had something your group wanted, therefore, your group had to go to them instead.

Being the dumbass, air head, you were, instead of walking in the middle of the moving crowd of fully capable heroes, you found yourself roaming the edges, gawking at whatever you could see yet not reach for past the edges of the path you were all following.

Time was keeping his eye on you — the only working one he had — the whole time, making sure you wouldn't wander off. You felt like a kid.

And just like a kid, the very moment he got distracted, killing a Skulltula, you wandered off.

However, turns out there wasn't just one spider.

The forest was infested, which definitely explained why the village folk were so against the idea of wandering too far past the starts of the foliage and the big thick bushes surrounding and protecting the narrow path you traveled by.

Didn't take too long for you to be found by something else rather than your friends, who by now, must have been definitely looking for you.

They never took long to notice your disappearances, the opposite actually, which used to annoy you a lot since Wild never had to face the same overprotectiveness. Not even Wind!

Now, your desire to prove them wrong brought you face to face with one of said spiders.

Maybe they weren't that wrong...?

And, just you luck! The thing undoubtedly had black blood.

Just like a kid, you failed to remember or acknowledge the fact your group just happened to be chased by those types of monsters earlier, some still following you.

It just slipped your mind, completely.

Just like you slipped on the mud on your way out of the trees and back to the narrow path where your friends’ yells and blurry faces were awaiting and rushing towards you worriedly.

When did it start raining enough to create mud?

The mud smelled metallic.

Your memory was blurry, the world itself felt blurry.

Still, you half remembered, like a far away memory, stumbling out of the thick bushes and into many arms, blood equally as thick dripping from a gash in your abdomen like a waterfall in a rainy — stormy, more like — day.

Then, like a blink, a very long blink, your consciousness was gone.

It took an overly long while for you to wake up. It felt like sleeping during a rainy night, you never wanted to wake up the morning after, and even if you felt like waking up was the best idea, your body refused to open it's eyes.

Only difference was that for you it felt like an overly long rainy night, and like you spent the following week still asleep.

At some point sleeping even became boring.

And you had 9 voices in your head telling you to wake up “please”, when they weren't chatting — worriedly, most of the time — amongst each other. Didn't sound like the usual, to be honest.

When you did come to it, it was in a slow, painful way.

Your head felt like someone banged their shield against it multiple times. If bone was able to bleed, your skull would have been bleeding.

Your eyes also felt tired, despite having just woken up from a long, restless and dreamless nap.

However, your throat felt surprisingly fine, and so did the rest of your body, though you felt numb and weak.

Instantly, your senses were crowded by familiar scents a bit too close to you.

Twilight's was the one which overwhelmed the others, and was paired with the feeling of fur and warmth, overwhelming warmth.

Your body definitely felt too hot. that much you could tell. Though the sight of the many blankets, coats and furs — one specific dark gray fur, actually — explained that, and also the weight on top of you.

With some strain and trembling limbs, you sat up. Instantly regretting it when the sleepy feeling which was still clouding your mind and leaving your movements sluggish got torn away from your body by the force of a sharp pain on your abdomen, strong enough to challenge the dull one still hammering inside your head.

You made a groan of pain and pushed the pile of warmth on top of you to the side, making it fall off the cot you were laying in, exposing the reason for your pain.

This triggered a gasp from somewhere near you. You didn't pay attention, too focused on the strange sight of a large bandaged wound on your belly.

“Stray! You're awake! You're finally awake...” The voice came from above, you could recognize the soft yet shaky tone of Hyrule.

Yet the body which wrapped around your shoulders carefully, and clearly as gently as possible, were definitely from Sky.

“We thought we wouldn't be able to…” Sky swallowed some of his shaky words, trying to spare you from listening to his rambling and sobbing at the same time.

Hyrule grabbed your hand on the bed, opposite to Sky's side.

“You're even worse than Twilight in the “no response to potions or enchantments” aspect…” He gave you a weak smile, now you could guess why it took you so long to wake up.

They had to resort to different methods to try and keep you alive.

You made a face and nodded slowly, also leaning a bit more into Sky now that you weren’t that surprised anymore.

It took less than about 2 minutes for the rest of the group to come back to see you, which was quite curious for you, considering there weren't any messages exchanged through anyone — Sky and Hyrule refused to leave your side, and nobody else was around — and they were all the way out of camp and into a village's market.

Guess you'd never know how they found out.

Your recovery took far longer to finish than Twilight's, considering you had no previous strength built against the black stuff, so you just spent your time sitting around or being carried.

The fact you were, in fact, able to walk, was just another reason for that extreme boredom.

And you weren't even carried to many places! Just around camp!

To say you were itching to touch the grass with your actual flesh and feel the thrill of seeing new things again would be an absolute misunderstanding.

And of course you wanted to bound to the first available place you could the very moment you were released from your inability to carry yourself around.

Did you, though? No, not really.

“I'm gonna check out that pond.” You yawned with serotonin coursing through your veins. The same restless feeling you always got when you saw the beach, despite having seen it many times.

It was around the fourth or fifth time you asked to go check out something. The answer was always the same.

This time you felt completely healed though, so you were hopeful!

“And get attacked by that bokoblin?” Legend crossed his arm with a deep frown, he was always frowning, but that frown just seemed more deeper than the others you've seen before.

“What bokoblin?” It confused you, the pond was absolutely empty when it came to any live beings, though maybe not if you counted the greenery and a few fish.

“There could be one. You didn't see the skulltula last time, did you?”

Well that made you frown. It hit you directly where it hurt.

And now you were unsure about venturing that way.

You nodded, slowly.

“I'll get Warriors to go with you, if you want, once he's back from the planning with Time and Twilight. For now, let's just do some crocheting?”

You always tried to convince him you could go alone.

This time, you voiced no opinion.

[libbee]

Many people in one body.

🌸When you dont feel like you know who you are, it can be the loneliest feeling in your own body. AIR signs sun/moon/mercury/venus have this tendency to become a different person with different people. It does not have to be with an ulterior motive. It is just thst they are predisposed to adapt to the social cues.

🌸Water sign in 5th house can give a dreamlike and dissociative personality. You escape into a world of make believe. Sometimes it might feel like a compulsion. Without it, the life feels utterly dull and tiring.

🌸Incompatible placements in one chart aka air-water or earth-air combination is like universe's way of making your life harder than it needs to be. You spend your energy fighting with yourself and creating a stable self.

🌸Do you ever look back and wonder "who the hell was that person?" You recall having friends but you dont remember who you were, what value you offered them in friendship, why they chose you in their friend circle. That is just you shedding skin as an 8th house native. 8th house can make you twice born. You were born once from your mom's womb. You were born again when you built yourself up from ground up. Literal self development.

🌸7th house sun/moon/mercury is not really a social charmer placement, that would be 11th house. 7th house is one on one connections, especially romantic. It can make native be like relationship is the sole purpose of thier life. You were born to marry and work on your relationship. It can make you so dependent that you cannot even function when you are single. You need that other half to be there. It just feels like a team strength.

🌸People who think they are sure of themselves are the ones who are the most unsure. People in TV/video/pictures/screen appear to be flawless and confident. But the screen just eliminates their anxiety and rawness. Learn human skills from the people around you not the ones on TV or cinema. They exaggerate their expressions, rehearse their dialogue and everything is edited and filtered. Real life has flaws, spontaneity, anxiety, raw intimacy and to be able to think on your feet.

🌸In Persona by Ingmar Bergman, Alma is the talkative, expressive and soulful self while Elisabet has chosen to remain silent, running from her past and a cold person. "Her problems is that her notions dont match her life experiences". People are not one person all the time, at every moment of their life. People change. Personality changes. Personality happens to people. We do things we never imagined ourselves capable of doing. It is scary to think you can be an unpredictable beast and surprise yourself by what you end up doing. It is like you cannot even trust yourself. Two women battling their guilty conscience. Emotions they did not choose to feel. Stuck in existantial question of who they are and why they suffer. Are the two the same person? I am a different person in my head, i look different, act different, everything is much easier in the head and the two lives coexist together. I think that the person in my head is not really me, it is some other girl I am fascinated with at the moment. So in my head, I am who I think I will be if I was like that other girl, makes sense? Something in her hooks my lackings, whether it is her extraversion or ability to befriend people or social confidence or looks or a hobby that is not mine. I live through the girl in my head another life, with another life theme, another life story, another persona. When you are like that, how can you be one person in one body?

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

[sunny6677]

HERES OPPOSITE TOM!

( OPPOSITE AU IS CREATED BY @jacenotjason )

Tom, in this AU, has very little energy and usually has no time for fooling around. She lacks motivation, and is usually bored half the time. However, she tends to daydream a lot and often daydreams of becoming a female knight for some reason because she has the unhealthy mindset of 'I don't need anyone because I'm strong and if I need anyone to help me or protect me at all then I'm weak', and liked to imagine herself as a knight because that's what she thinks she should be like. Her dynamic with Kevin is kind of reversed here too lol. He thinks they're friends at first, while Tom is just someone who always comes in to finish her work in his store since it's usually quiet enough to do that—she isn't a full on asshole to him but does find him annoying, and just calls him 'Fish Man' for a while instead of his actual name. Her job here is also something to do with art, though she's very vague about it and usually avoids mentioning her job around people. She is I incredibly poor, her favorite food is garlic bread, and she likes to solve puzzles rather than making them. She's also very intelligent in this AU, kind of witty, and is also a bit sassy. But despite acting like she takes no nonsense, she is a real softie deep down. And she's also still a babysitter here, but is usually very fed up with the more energetic kids and struggles to keep up with them. She hides most genuine things about herself as well because she finds it embarrassing or feels like no one would care anyway.

Buque (her caregiver) wasn't neglectful of her and didn't verbally mistreat her, and did mean well—but would sometimes do things she shouldn't have or snap at Tom just because she couldn't control her stress. And no matter how much Buque tries to act like this was just a mistake, this is still effecting Tom and it always will. And also the reason why Tom is so intent on being strong is because Opposite Jeremy was the very same way, so she subconsciously thinks she must be that way in order to be worth something.

Her flaws with Kevin and hers relationship here is that she usually is very intent on not depending on anyone for anything, so she pretty much avoids help from him at all costs and pretty much anyone—she always tries to help him out even if whatever happened probably isn't her responsibility to fix. Tom also doesn't repress her emotions here and IS honest about how she feels, but she feels very embarrassed anytime someone dares ask about it or tries to comfort her. She also tends to avoid Kevin in general at first just because she finds him slightly annoying, but also doesn't wanna be a bother or come off as clingy due to a certain incident in the past making her afraid to actually be clingy with other people.

I'm unsure of what Kevin's flaws would be since I didn't create this version of him (his canon versions flaws or at least his flaws toward Tom in her actual canon au are being a bit of a jerk to her at first because of his stress, kinds dismissing her emotions at first due to being too wrapped up in his own problems to notice her own and also just being so used to her being dramatic that he usually thinks her being upset is just her being a drama queen again, etc etc). But I'm sure he'd have his own too since no relationship is perfect. /lh

Will defintely make sketches of her and Opposite Kevin at some point—just not tonight cuz I'm tired lol./lh

(Also rather than being possesed, she just owns a Haunted object—aka, the rather ancient/suspicious looking journal she got from a garage sale one time)

[watching-pictures-move]

Put On Your Raincoats | Bodies in Heat (Vatelli, 1983)

Porn and noir make for natural bedfellows as they're both a little seedy at heart, and their characters are often motivated by the same things, so naturally a hardcore riff on Body Heat seemed like a no-brainer to check out this month. Given the runtime, this does not build to the same horny, sweaty delirium as its mainstream counterpart, but what this does pretty well is use its sex scenes to further the story. Early scenes like the one between police detective Herschel Savage and suspect Janey Robbins, or between Savage and fellow police officer Kimberly Carson, nicely sketch out Savage's lack of scruples and weak moral fibre. Annette Haven's scenes with her mob lawyer husband Eric Edwards give us a sense of their fraught marriage. And the cross cut masturbation scenes with Haven and Savage show them being pulled together against Savage's better judgment.

And on a prurient level, there's consistent sexual chemistry and a nice variation in the level of energy and raunch across the scenes, keeping them pretty watchable all the way through. And while nobody will consider Robbins' voluminous wig and Carson's mop mullet to be "good" hairstyles, I have to say they were really doing it for me, as was Robbins' extremely vocal performance. The weakest sex scene here is between Billy Dee and Crystal Fire, two of Savage's fellow officers who couple off during a pool party / orgy that Savage hosts, not because it's a bad sex scene per se, but because it doesn't involve either main character and doesn't further the story or our understanding of the characters and their relationships.

From a casting perspective, you could do a lot worse than putting Annette Haven in your neo noir. Haven has an Old Hollywood allure to her, which goes a long way in convincing us how one could be persuaded to kill for her. I'm not saying I would do so myself, because I understand that murder is WRONG. But I get why someone would. This actually has pretty good performances across the board, including a "special guest appearance" AKA non-sex role by Lisa De Leeuw, whose charms Savage manages to resist by adhering to his mantra. "Never dip your pen in the office ink."

This is directed by Paul Vatelli, who shoots this pretty nicely (there's a particularly effective rack focus from Edwards slapping Haven in the background to Savage contemplating what he's learned in the foreground), but alas the transfer I watched was from a muddy VHS rip, so the visuals didn't pop for me as much as they did in his other films I've seen. So it would be really nice if this got a restoration and a fancy schmancy Blu-ray release one of these days.

[rinfiorarara]

Motivation is always a fickle thing

AKA one of my experiments on how to motivate yourself to finish writing a fic?

I started writing the fic in 2019, posted the fic in November. Stopped posting it in 2020. It is now 2024.

I have a clear, decisive end in mind. I have plenty of notes, both in a physical pen and paper notebook and the ones I typed on the computer.

I still find it a challenge to finish the story. And I know it is never the lack of willpower (it never is).

For me personally, my challenge has been both the complexity of the story, and learning about how I work with myself, instead of against. Following arbitrary schedules, for me, no matter how strategic they are, would not work.

(Fanfic writers often joke about daydreaming about the fic instead of actually writing it. For me, it is no joke😂😭)

It has been like this for me not just in terms of writing fics, but in other areas of my life as well, such as work.

And I have long known I could never rely on motivation. It is such a fickle thing.

One wise man said, build a habit, so you don't rely on motivations.

I agree with this notion, to an extent.

It has worked for me in one area, but not another. There isn't a one solution fits all, after all.

But in a world that speaks loudly about how consistency is key, advocates repetition to instill habits, and ultimately praising efficiency of an automated process (even when it is our own brain), I forgot the very reason why I write.

I assign less and less importance on motivations.

After all, sparks of joy, sudden bursts of energy, light-bulb moments of inspirations, are unexpected, unpredictable, and therefore, unreliable, aren't they?

Even though the very reason I write was the pure joy of thinking up a story, cooking up plots and scenes. That lightbulb moment in the shower! Or specific moments during daydreaming that I ended up including in my fic.

Things that are difficult to find if it is an automated process, for established habit.

No wonder we are all burnt out and spent.

We are all so focused on achieving, doing, and in the process, forgetting why it is worth achieving.

Hmm.

I actually just wanted to post a few pics I took.

I tried to write a caption so it has some context.

Why did it become such a long post? 😭😂

(look at the tiny clay kitties!!!!)

It feels a little bit silly.

I could just log into AO3 and re-read them. No big deal. Why go through the hassle?

But I'd like to think it would be worth the "hassle".

It is a process of cultivating joy🌱

The story, the ideas you've cooked up in your mind years ago - if it doesn't excite you as much as it used to - that's normal. Our brain is built to get used to things, after all.

(even when it saddens me to admit that it doesn't excite me as much as it used to).

It does not mean that it has to be an automated process, simply done out of habit, or done because it is scheduled into a calendar.

Sudden bursts of energy, light-bulb moments of inspirations, are unexpected, unpredictable, but they have always been reliable in igniting desire - the soul of creativity itself.

The so-called motivations. Elusive and mysterious.

Quite troublesome!

In my case, since I have been working on this fic all by myself, it could get severely understimulating.

One of the things that have greatly helped is shifting my perspective to see that in fact, I'm not entirely alone. (Especially since parts of the story has been posted and received by people).

Of course I know there are people who read the story. I still get the occasional kudos from time to time (thank you!!).

But even if fanfic writers say they read and re-read comments, it's not like we open our phones everyday to do it. Not when we have whatsapp to respond to, newsfeed to scroll, genshin to play, and social media accounts to stalk.

It's quite common for a hundred people to click on your story and only one person might leave you kind words.

But that one person could have brightened your entire day! Even when you came back to their comment the next day, it still managed to leave you smiling.

Life goes on the following day though, and as time went on, you forgot about those kind words.

I, too, forgot. Even though I clearly received more than one.

So, in an effort to keep the desire alive, to fill my space with the little joys, to cultivate motivations, and all in all trying to write -- I made them just a little bit more physical.

.

(the fic)

[pro-bee-sisters]

Where Have I'd Been Lately?

Hey all my Chloé aka Queen Bee and my Zoé aka Vesperia brothers and sisters. Gosh, I don't remember the last time I made a post on this blog. Please forgive me. 😅

Anyways, you are probably wondering where I'd been and what I'd been up to, and why the hell haven't the AUs and stories I'd promised been made yet lol.

Well, first thing's first:

I was dealing with winter allergies by the end of last month. It got so bad, that I was basically sneezing, coughing and just blowing my nose. Thankfully, it's all over; for now.

Secondly, I've been detoxing myself from social media and the internet in general lately. The reason being so I can help lower my stress levels and not have it take a toll on my anxiety and mental health really. For the most part, it actually works. ❤️

Thirdly, I'd been invested in the better Love Square aka Chlonette/Chlobug/LadyBee/MariBee lol

And fourth and finally, I haven't gotten much time and energy to write. Lately, I was dealing with constant stress to the point where I just didn't have the energy to do stuff. I mainly blame a shift in my schedule and just lacking the motivation. Doesn't help that I was going through some implied emotional trauma last night...

Thankfully, however, I am all better and I am ready to move on and keep going no matter what.

Oh and there's also the Miraculous leaks still going, but just like Bruno Madrigal, we don't talk about that lol

In all seriousness, it's just emotional health that I've been going through, and I just needed some time off in the end. Please don't let this surprise you if this happens again to me in the future; It just means I'm gonna need some time off, and I have to clear my head a bit, okay?

Besides working on art and writing, I will be working on a post explaining my actual opinions on Chloé and Zoé, a post explaining Zoe's positive qualities, a Zoé Lee vs Amaya Raine post (How does one character introduction work VS How the other doesn't), and How Chloé could have been the series's Cordelia Chase.

I think that's about it for now. I hope you all have a good Thursday or a Happy Friday if your weekend just started. Mine practically did because my boyfriend doesn't work on Fridays lol.

I'll see you all later and remember to buzz on!

[catchingbigfish]

writing plans for the rest of 2023

aka, yet another accountability post i'll laugh at in a few months when i realize how off track my plans have gone again

i am freakishly close to done with the first draft of Conversion; i'm at 57k words as of right this very second, and i'm trying very hard to not go past 90k words on the first draft (even though i think it could edge closer to 120k if i let go with full reckless abandon), and really, my target is to make it a tight 80-85k words. plus, my weekend plans to swap my office and bedroom (who the fuck decided the largest room should be the place you sleep?? that makes no sense!) have been thwarted by my fiance getting sick again, so if i run another few 4-5k days in a row? i might knock this out within the week.

on top of that, i'm enrolled in julia inglis's new shadow doll course (it's a shameless indulgence of mine) which starts august first, so it seems like the prime time to consider exactly how i plan to spend late summer/early fall and nanowrimo this year. here's my current plan:

finish the first draft of Conversion by July 31. this seems very doable so far, unless i really do let go and indulge in all those side conversations and small subplots boiling around in my brain.

spend all of august really delving into the shadow doll course, giving my brain a serious break from writing, and channel all that energy into other types of creativity. this also seems doable, but there's a chance i'll be forced onto a business trip in late august. if that's the case, it'll probably be three or four days, and i'll go ahead and do my first read-through of conversion on the trip. (i read So It Goes way too early and i realize that now -- i have to find a way to force myself to give it at least three weeks before i read through Conversion.)

spend september working on a developmental, high-level, birds-eye-view revision of the first draft of Conversion. if all goes according to plan, i'll use the first few weeks to draft new character sketches and go back to tidy up any mischaracterizations from the characters developing along the drafting process, tighten plot points that i think are dragging, and do a new zero draft based on the first draft plus any new additions i think are necessary, then spend the last few weeks doing the actual drafting for any new scenes i need (and hopefully, for the love of god, creating actual chapter breaks in there). this also seems doable.

get Conversion ready for alpha-readers and zero draft the sort-of-sequel Apostate (👀) in october. yeah i'm basically fully committed to this idea now, lol. the working title is Apostate because i'm terrible at titles and i think it's a fun counterpoint to the title Conversion. i've realized my original cult fiction concept works unreasonably well as a follow up to Conversion (and that's one of the two reasons the ending changed so dramatically), so i'm going for it. i'm not confident i can do this all in october, but i'd love to do nanowrimo again this year and draft Apostate during the month, so this is like my stretch goal. also, i'm not comfortable calling it beta reading just yet, but i'm hoping to get Conversion to a point where i can hand it off to some people who can tell me if it's working, where things are lacking, and any glaring issues i can't see because i'm too close it. (if all goes according to plan, i hope to make a call for alpha readers in early october and have the draft handed over by november so i can force myself to only work on Apostate that month! i wouldn't expect readers to actually dive in until after november, since most likely, they'll be doing nano too -- but it's just the best way to motivate myself). this is definitely the goal i see most likely to fall off track.

spend november drafting Apostate. again, the entire concept of writing Apostate is definitely the weakest link in my plans, but it would be so nice to do!

take december off. seriously, if i actually do this in the way i want, i will need *so* much of a break it's unreal.

[ssivinee]

❥ 𝙻𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚜𝚑 𝙻𝚒𝚚𝚞𝚘𝚛

Aespa! Karina aka Yoo Jimin x F reader: After a fantastic night at the Siren nightclub, Y/n's next shift turns into a frustrating ordeal as her bad luck seems to continue throughout the night. Despite the chaos, a surprise visit from a certain idol offers a bright spot in the evening. Her genuine interest leads to an unexpected and hopeful turn in Y/n's night.

Word Count: 3.4 k

Author's Note: Well, this felt a bit rushed, ngl BUT I wanted to pump out another fic since I've been gone for so long. I'll make more masterlists but I wanted more fics out before i do that. AS PER MY GIRLFRIENDS REQUEST, I'll probably be working on Mai from IZNA. But while I do that my reqs are open rn, so don't be afraid to ask for something or just to chat please!

Loving your job was an understatement. Working at the Siren nightclub for the past three years has given you a bunch of new friendships, evolving skills, and endless excitement. The bouncy energy of the place never fails to keep you alive, making each night a unique adventure.

The night prior, the club buzzed like usual as the staff gathered for a meeting with the boss. The air was hyped, knowing that the night shift usually had the most energy out of all the staff. Your boss, a man with a weird love for motivational speeches, stood at the center of the group, flailing his hands as he spoke.

"Ladies and gents," he began, his voice cutting through the low hum of whispered conversations, "our business is booming. But we can't rest on our achievements right now. There's always room for improvement." The Siren wasn’t just a job; it was a second home, a place where you poured your heart and soul into every shift.

As the meeting wrapped up, you felt ready to go, changing into your scarlet red top and clipping your name tag on. Serving customers at the establishment was always a blast. The regulars, with their easygoing and outgoing personalities, kept your shifts eventful, as if you were handing out drinks to a group of your old-time friends every night. It often felt like you were part of a flirtatious game show, with witty banter and playful exchanges keeping you on your toes.

The night was in full swing when you found yourself behind the bar, the neon lights casting a variation of colors across the room. A customer with vibrant pink hair staggered up to the counter, her eyes glassy from one too many drinks. She leaned in, her voice slurring as she spoke.

“You come around here often, huh?” she asked, her words tumbling over each other in a tipsy jumble. You couldn't help but chuckle at her drunken attempt at flirting. “Uh, yeah? Cause I work here?” you replied, pure amusement in your tone.

Another familiar face appeared a few minutes after her. Iseul, a regular with short brunette hair, leaned on the counter. She was evidently trying to push her cleavage forward, hoping to catch your eye. “Have I told you how pretty you look today, Y/n?” she asked, her voice dripping with exaggerated sweetness.

You laughed, shaking your head. “Yes, Iseul, you have. About ten times, in fact.”

Nearby, a blonde woman, clearly worse for wear after four hours of partying, tried to stand up straight. “Trust me, I'm not drunk,” she insisted, her words lacking conviction. You tried helping her sit back in her seat, firmly sitting her down, and placed a glass of ice-cold water in front of her.

“Yes, you are, ma’am,” you replied, tone patient yet firm.

She shook her head furiously, only to make herself dizzier. “You just intoxicate me,” she declared, her attempt at flirtation endearing in its clumsiness.

These interactions never failed to amuse you. The same women who flirted with you in their inebriated state would always come in sober and composed, their proper demeanor starkly contrasting to their playful-drunk selves. The comparison always made you chuckle, a reminder of alcohol being such a powerful thing.

That night wore on, and the club kept going with life. Music pounded through the speakers, a hypnotic beat that drew people to the dance floor. The bar was full of activity, with drinks being mixed and constantly served by three bartenders behind the bar. 

As you handed a cocktail to a waiting patron, you noticed a group of newcomers entering the club. They seemed to be on the younger side. Their attire, hair, and loud energy gave you a glimpse of what was to come from them. One of them, a shorter woman with doll-like features, seemed the calmest of the six girls who walked in. She sauntered up to the bar, her gaze locking onto yours with a hint of curiosity.

“What's your specialty?” she asked, her voice smooth and confident, contradicting her looks. She seemed to want to make a move, but you were extremely cautious with how young she looked.

You smiled, and she leaned slightly forward. “Depends on what you're in the mood for,” you replied, your tone inviting.

She considered this momentarily before her lips curved into a mischievous smile. “Surprise me.”

You gave her a kurt nod and began crafting a drink that was as intriguing as she was. As you worked, you could feel her eyes on you, as if she wanted to elongate the interaction. When you finally handed her the finished cocktail, she took a sip, her expression one of pleasant surprise.

“This is amazing,” she said, her eyes meeting yours in approval.

“Glad you like it,” you replied, a sense of satisfaction warming you from within.

As the final hours of your shift approached, you found yourself reflecting on the evening's events. The flirtatious exchanges, the thrill of crafting the perfect drink—all of it culminated in a deep sense of fulfillment. 

By the time the last patrons had filtered out and the lights dimmed, you were exhausted but content. 

Well... that was last night, and now you find yourself extremely irritated at 10 pm because of everything that just occurred in the past four hours. It was now the next day, and everything and everyone seemed to get on your nerves. The night before had been such a contrast to how this shift was shaping up.

Walking into the Siren at 7 pm, you were feeling somewhat under the weather due to a migraine that had been coming and going throughout the day. But before you could even clock in, you realized your bad luck was only beginning.

A stumbling drunk customer, barely able to hold his drink, bumped into you, sending a full glass of Paloma crashing onto your chest. The strong smell of lime and grapefruit clung to your clothes, and you could already feel the sticky liquid seeping through the fabric of your beige shirt… which was just newly washed, so you were feeling great.

Note the sarcasm.

“Seriously?” you muttered under your breath, trying to keep your cool. The customer mumbled an apology, but despite being annoyed to acknowledge it, you shook your head softly following your words, “no worries”. You rushed to the staff room, grabbing your scarlet uniform. Changing quickly, you hoped the rest of the night would improve, but that was too simple to ask for.

Just as you finished buttoning up your clean shirt, your boss walked in, his expression unusually serious. “Hey, Y/n, got a minute?” he asked, his tone making you wary.

“Sure, what’s up?” you replied, trying to sound casual despite your irritation.

“I need you to train three new employees for the morning shifts. They start in two days,” he said, dropping the bombshell without any warning.

Your jaw dropped. “Wait, what? But there's already a lead bartender for the morning shifts. Why me? Also, Doyun, don't think that I'm being disrespectful to you, okay? But three new people would be a lot on my plate.”

He shrugged, looking apologetic but firm. “We need someone experienced, and you're the best we've got. You know Ilsung just became the lead about two months ago. Just do it, okay? I’ll give you extra these days if it makes you feel better.”

Frankly… that didn’t make you feel better at all. Frustration bubbled up inside you. Training one new person was manageable, but three? And for the morning shifts, no less. You could already feel the extra work piling onto your shoulders. You nodded stiffly, knowing there was no point in arguing.

You even tried heading out to the bar just for a few minutes of peace, hoping to calm down before you could continue your long shift. But the customers tonight seemed to be testing your patience. They were needier than usual, constantly waving you over for refills, complaints, and special requests.

One lady demanded her drink be remade three times, insisting it wasn’t mixed right… when it was literally just a Margarita. Another kept trying to flirt with you, ignoring your polite but firm rejections as you weren’t in the mood tonight.

“Can I get some actual service here?” one woman snapped, tapping her empty glass on the counter. You forced a smile, biting back a retort as you took her glass to refill it.

“Helloooooo? I’ve been trying to get your attention for a good five minutes now!” the other lady practically barks at you and your three coworkers. Yet you didn’t even see her standing there for any longer than a minute. “I’m so sorry for the wait, ma’am. What would you like tonight?”

She scoffed and your friendly tone, “Three Negroni’s.” You simply begin making the drinks, “wanna start a tab?”

“No shit, I wanna start a tab. That’s three drinks right there,” okay, rude. You try your best not to roll your eyes, and once you are done serving and taking her credit card, you pass it to your other coworker, “This Yu Jihye lady. Take her for the night, please. I can’t handle her right now.” Your coworker nods, feeling bad from hearing your tired tone.

As the night dragged on, your irritation grew. Every spilled drink, every rude comment, every demanding customer chipped away at your patience. The lively atmosphere that usually energized you now felt suffocating. You couldn't wait for your shift to end.

In a rare lull, you leaned against the bar, trying to catch your breath. Your coworker, Mari, sidled up next to you, her expression sympathetic. “Rough night, huh?”

“You have no idea,” you sighed. “First, I get drenched in Paloma, then I find out I have to train three new people for morning shifts, and the customers tonight are driving me insane.”

Mari winced. “Yikes. That’s a lot to deal with. Want me to take over for a bit?”

You shook your head, appreciating the offer but knowing you had to push through. “Thanks, but I’ll manage. Just needed a moment.”

With a deep breath, you straightened up and returned to the fray. The bar continued to buzz with activity, the energy of the place almost overwhelming. Then, a group of women walked in, immediately drawing attention with their presence. You recognized them from their music videos—Aespa. They were in town, and NingNing had mentioned this place to them.

Siren was also quite known for having female idols to chill at, and they wouldn’t be bombarded with fans. This is usually why the prices were high at the establishment.

Karina led the group, her black hair styled in a chic wolf cut that framed her face perfectly. She wore a casual yet classy outfit that radiated confidence.

They approached the bar, chatting excitedly. As they drew closer, Karina noticed you talking to Mari, clearly frustrated. Her gaze lingered on you, curiosity evident in her eyes.

“Hey, can we get some drinks to start?” NingNing asked, smiling brightly.

You took a deep breath, trying to shake off the frustration. “Of course,” you replied, putting on your best smile. “What can I get for you?”

As they placed their orders, Karina watched you closely. She didn’t particularly know why she observed you so much. Yes, you were attractive, but she also worked in an industry full of attractive faces.

You felt a strange sense of calm wash over you as you prepared their drinks, focusing on the task at hand. When you handed them their drinks, Karina’s eyes met yours, and she smiled.

“Thanks,” she said, her voice soft but clear. “Rough night?”

You let out a heavy sigh before responding. “You could say that,” you admitted, managing a genuine smile. “It’s nice to see some new faces, though.”

Karina’s smile widened, and she nodded. “First time here. NingNing’s friend recommended it.”

“I could tell. Well, welcome to the Siren,” you said, your mood lifting slightly. “Hope you have a great time.”

They moved to a table, but you couldn’t shake the feeling of Karina’s eyes on you. As the night went on, she returned to the bar for another drink. “Back for more?” you asked, trying to keep your tone light.

Karina leaned against the bar, her casual yet classy outfit making her look effortlessly stunning. “Yeah, just wanted to chat a bit. You seem interesting.”

You chuckled, feeling a bit out of character as a nervous energy crept in. “Interesting, huh? That’s a first.” She laughed, a sound that felt like music to your ears. “So, what’s it like working here?” 

“Usually, it's amazing. The interactions are fun, watching everyone mingle and getting to know everyone.”

“But tonight is just one of those nights, huh?” She points out, and you nod tiredly. “Quite observant of you,” you joke, and she smiles a little. “It's kind of my role to take care of my members, and I guess it's an instinct thing at this point.”

You hand another customer their drink and begin making another round of her own. “You said you could tell we're new here? Do you know all the customers?”

“Pretty much, but it seems like there are a bunch of new faces today. Besides, how could I ever forget Aespa and their gorgeous leader?” You unconsciously slip in ‘gorgeous’ and don’t realize until you see Karina’s dangerous, intimidating stare. “Well, aren't you quite the charmer?”

You smile, are a genuine one-for-one, and keep chatting. You found yourself opening up, talking about the ups and downs of the job, the interesting characters you met, and the occasional chaos. Karina listened intently, her eyes never leaving yours. There was something genuine in her interest that made you feel comfortable, something you hadn’t felt with anyone else before.

After a couple of drinks and an easy conversation, the night was winding down. You glanced at the clock, realizing your shift was almost over. “Wanna have a few more drinks in, like, ten minutes? I’ll be off the clock by then.”

Karina looks over at the dance floor and sees the girls mingling and dancing. She chuckled a little before turning back to you. “That would be nice.”

You finished up your last few customers for the night and it was already 3 am. You’d think there’d be less people by then, but the girls of Aespa being at the club spread like wildfire, so many more people came. 

You exit the backroom, now changed into a plain black baby tee and a simple leather jacket. When Karina saw the new attire, she couldn’t help but check you out. You were already hot with the uniform on, but this took it to the next level. For some reason, despite the loud music, it felt like Karina could hear the stomps of your boots, probably from looking too hard.

“Now, where were we?” You asked her, seemingly more relaxed than the last few hours. “Well, take a seat, and let me order you a drink since it seems like all these new customers are our fault.”

“Oh well, I won't say no to a free drink from you,” you say, taking a seat beside her as she waves Mari down. “Uhm, what would you like?” Karina asks you, and you begin to think. “Order what you think I’ll like.”

“Shit. That’s kinda hard,” Karina mumbles, but you hear it loud and clear, making you laugh. “Then a glass of Lasso, neat, please?” the questionable tone made you laugh even harder. “Lucky for you, I love whiskey, and I love it neat.”

Mira hands you the glass, and you raise it to her as thanks. “Cheers?” you asked Karina, not putting your glass down as she willingly clung to yours. “I figured working at a place like this AND with how hardcore you look, that would’ve been the perfect choice.”

You guys chatted for another hour, and the air and chats felt endless despite knowing each other for a few hours. Karina loved your company for some reason, and she felt the urge to know more about you since this didn’t feel enough for her.

Karina seemed to hold her alcohol pretty well, but she began to giggle so much.  “You feeling okay?” You ask, a tinge of concern in your voice, but Karina just smiles as your features look much softer than the anger from earlier. “I am. It’s just nice to talk to someone who feels the same exhaustion as I do but isn’t an idol, I guess,” more giggles followed her words.

Gathering your courage, you decided to take a leap. “Hey, Karina,” you began, your voice slightly shaky. “I know this might be forward, but would you like to go out sometime? Maybe grab dinner or something?”

Karina’s eyes widened in surprise, but a smile quickly spread across her face. “I’d love that,” she replied. “Here’s my number. Text me when you’re free.”

You took her number, feeling a mix of relief and excitement. As she rejoined her friends, you couldn’t help but smile to yourself. Despite the rough start, the night had taken an unexpectedly wonderful turn.

You stepped out into the cool night air, your earlier frustrations forgotten. Tomorrow was another day, and you had something to look forward to. The Siren nightclub had its ups and downs, but again, it gave you a chance at something new and exciting. And you couldn’t wait for the next night you’d meet up with the beauty.

Note: As I said last time, feel free to send kpop reqs, and random anons for a good chat, or just lmk if you wanna be on the future tag lists!

[anagramtransitory]

1.I’m just afraid as always of being called simple or predictable because of my warmth and my kindness and my strength and my energy. It’s the worst feeling when that happens, as it often does. They’re simple misunderstandings and understandable misappropriations of suspected motivation(s) in another person. But they do hurt because it’s me and I want to be understood immediately and completely by all people always. Which not only never comes close to happening, but which insists on happening with people who’ve known and observed me for years, and who still barely seem to know me at all or still have me all wrong in the opposite direction(s) from reality. And I know myself pretty well, both as animal and mind, and I know what’s obvious pretty well, so I know when people should be able to infer and visibly see things, and when they’re more complex to understand and recognize. And I know that very often almost everyone doesn’t even try to see the obvious, for whatever reasons they have. And those reasons tend to be cynical ideas. At least, that’s what I’m guessing, maybe falsely, back at them, in a false-understanding, ridiculous, self-escalating unchecked-by-communication-or-by-rethinking, dually-made, “mutual misunderstanding of the other ping pong match”. But I feel like. I feel like it’s not that hard to reasonably guess that the reason people refuse to see me for myself is because they’re blinded by thoughts and ideas they have that don’t allow for the ideas I embody to truly exist in the way that they do, right in front of them, and right in front of them inside me even when I’m not in front of them acting them out in specific contexts. That they’re non-context-specific, general ideas I embody and apply to my entire existence because I believe in them and also crucially because /I choose those ideas continuously./ I, specifically, go out of my way and choose, specifically, those “cynicism-unharmonious”, and unusual, and non-utilitarian, and unhelpful-to-oneself/one’s-survival, and collectivist, and unnecessary, and un-called-for, and apparently random, and deeply complex/deeply personal, and highly understood, and thought about in detail and with intense emotion for years, if not merely for multiple days, in a row, beforehand, ideas. I choose specifically those ideas that are all of those things at once, usually. Pretty much all of my ideas and my behaviors are like that. At least, the ones I’d say reflect me as a person and as a personality to predict things about and to understand. Rather than things that are just, like, problems, quirks, or uniquenesses, which clearly aren’t good and don’t appear to be examples of thought feeling and planning but rather absences of all 3 due to lack of functionality or lack of caring/prioritizing those things in my own mind. Things like my lateness, my speeding, my dui, my lack of accomplishment, my stuttering, my silence, my inclination towards sharing interesting information I’ve learned rather than personal facts about myself and my life, both of which are obviously troubled. Or should be, if the obvious is obvious, which it barely is. So yeah. I’d say it’s fair to say I can reasonably guess that it would take some serious near-universal-application-cynical-philosophy of some kind to make people apparently refuse to see the reality right in front of their face for what it is, aka the realities of the ideas that make up my personality and my existence in life as a whole pretty generally and without fluctuation and without changing my mind. Even as a person who changes their mind more than like, everybody, and is totally willing to, no matter what the cost is, if I think the truth demands it and the benefit to society and myself is worth it in the long run. No matter what the new ideas are, or how much they hurt me or I don’t want to agree or see or think about them. They’re true, and good (good for people/the world ultimately in the long run), so they’re my ideas, even if they’re just lists of ways I can’t be happy, and the reasons why that never fail to be true and underlying.

[mintyvoid]

so i bought and have now recived my anti planner, and while i imagine a bunch of the tools wont do anything- im hoping something helps. And ill try to speak up if anything does.

For some context i suppose if you dont regularly read my depressed rants, i was diagnosised autistic in 2020 but had been in therapy on and off since 2010 for anxiety and depression. I found a majority of resources not helpful or treading over ground ive already done years into- when I started researching 'okay so im autistic what the fuck do i do now, how do i get better'.

(I just keep ranting how shit doesnt seem to want to work for me below)

Most likely cause of all the years ive done work on myself, i am very self aware and quite good at communicating how im feeling. But found that none of the tools I learned helped long term or even enough to better my quality of life(now knowing this was because all those tools help people without a neuro disability, they simply were never going to work).

I've also found that a lot of the resources out there, include this book, are catered towards those with adhd, which while having a lot of simularities to autism- they are not the same. And though I had previously thought i was adhd, im like pretty sure this isnt the case(like in terms of a duo adhd n autism diag). So a lot of the stuff i end up finding /also/ doesn't work.

Though i cant reaally tell if its due to the autism or depression. A good example is the 'trick your brain' angle i see abundantly. To do things like 'set a timer to create a deadline or force panic' or similar time constrainted things simply dont work. I can feel incredible stress to complete something from a deadline or disappointed friend or angry manager and it do little to nothing to motivate me to do the actual thing. If i dont want to do something(or even if i want to do something but my brain for whatever reason doesnt let me), it doesnt happen- concequnce be damned.

I can break tasks into smaller chunks for days, but if i cant get up or move my arm to start said small task then it doesnt really matter does it? The one thing i can do is organize lol, but its the one thing that i see the most as advice- which is totally understandable as its not something taught so a majority would lack the skill. I was really lucky to seek help when i did and to then get actually good advice. It's probs been the only moment where help and support did actually help my quality of life.

Most likely I wont see any improvement in my life till I either go back therapy(actually find someone who can help someone like me, probs needs to be on meds again too) or can afford to create an environment thats supportive of my needs...or more than likely a combo of the two lol. Neither of which i see happening as both need money and i cant work nor get much from my disability program and cant work enough on online stuff to make that my income.

As an aside, i do know that many if not most, have it worse than i do. And i often feel that i simply cant complain about my own situation because im have a loving family that supports me as much as they can, im no where near homelessness, im not bipoc or a trans person, i could technically work but i would only be able to just work(aka id have to give up doing what i ant for a living and went to school for and actually am passionate about, and honestly typical work stresses and sucks so much energy out of me ugh id probs just burn out again n quit). I dont feel i can ask for money or support when there are others i feel need it way more than i do.

And i absolutely hate that what i have isnt enough, and that fact is also why i feel i cant vent. Srry this kinda went off the deep end.

[newmusickarl]

5-9’s Album of the Month Podcast – Episode 2 out now!

The February edition of the 5-9 Album of the Month Podcast is now live, in which myself, 5-9 Editor Andrew Belt, Check This Out’s Kiley Larsen and Blinded by The Floodlights’ Matthew McLister review five high profile album releases from February, and ultimately name one as our Album of the Month at the end of the discussion.

This month, the five albums we cover are:

Desire, I Want to Turn Into You by Caroline Polachek

Lonely Hearts Killers by Nile Marr

This Is Why by Paramore

Food For Worms by Shame

Heavy Heavy by Young Fathers

If you want to listen to the new episode simply follow the link below, but also be sure to follow 5-9 Blog on Instagram and Twitter for more news and polls relating to the podcast, along with other great content like film reviews, sports articles and more.

Listen to the February 2023 episode here

Album & EP Recommendations

UGLY by Slowthai

The evolution of Tyron Frampton, aka Slowthai, in such a short space of time, has been nothing short of fascinating to witness.

First came his 2019 Mercury Prize-nominated debut Nothing Great About Britain, which was rough and raw at times but also full of this visceral energy that captivated audiences and helped to make him an immediate grime/punk crossover star. However, his career was almost derailed as soon as it had taken off, as a much-publicised interaction with Katherine Ryan at the 2020 NME Awards, in which he made sexualised comments towards her, brought about some very intense but also well-earned backlash for his actions. After making his public apologies and doing some much needed soul searching, he returned in 2021 with his excellent sophomore outing TYRON – an impressive 35-minute double album that showed greater artistic, as well as personal, maturity.

So here we are then just four years on from his big breakout moment and Slowthai has already had what feels like an entire career’s worth of ups and downs. The result of that is that you feel like the pressure cooker has been removed from around Slowthai’s work, making this third album without a doubt his best and most artistically liberated to date.

Opener Yum straps the listener in to the hot seat straight away, with ‘Thai repeating the words “I’ve been lacking motivation, I need an intervention” over an increasingly menacing and anxiety inducing beat. He then starts to describe conversations with his therapist and his drug-fuelled coping mechanisms, as the swirling electronics, distorted vocals and heavy breathing transport you directly into the melting pot of his erratic, troubled psyche. The production from Dan Carey is absolutely mind-blowing, as it ends with ‘Thai repeating the words “Excuse me while I self-destruct, ‘cause I don’t give a fuck” over sharp, harsh synths. It’s an absolutely phenomenal opener, with the intensity and experimental production drawing shades to Yeezus-era Kanye, Igor-era Tyler and Atrocity Exhibition-era Danny Brown all at the same time.

This almost suffocating production continues on recent single Selfish, which remains one of ‘Thai’s strongest tracks to date. Again, the combination of Carey and ‘Thai is awe-inspiring to hear, with a vortex of synths, drums and guitars surrounding Thai as he sings “And we got what we deserve, somehow we never learn – wastin’ lives out on the curb, while we all search for somethin’” It’s simply brilliant.

The high points just keep coming from there with the fantastic Jamie T-inspired tracks Sooner and single Feel Good, before the rhythmic blues of urban love story Never Again. The middle section of the album then brings the album’s two centrepieces, with HAPPY in particular an absolute tour de force. Riding a melancholic central guitar line, ‘Thai confronts his depression head on and sings of how he “would give everything for a smile.” The production is once again stellar, with the song erupting into a full-blown anthem towards the back end as the guitars take flight. Title track UGLY then follows, which is a glorious symphony of grunge as ‘Thai talks about the hideous nature of humanity and today’s world. Again, it’s just a staggering work.

The grunge continues on Falling, with ‘Thai proper flexing his vocal chops as his angsty, pained screams echo and reverberate amidst a spacey, atmospheric backdrop. After the punky Wotz Funny, beauty and ugliness then exquisitely collide on penultimate track Tourniquet, as ‘Thai’s stark vocals bruise the gentle piano and string-tinged instrumentation as he talks metaphorically of hacking away his broken pieces akin to Aaron Rolston in 127 Hours. Acoustic closer 25% Club then brings the album in for a safe landing, ending this rollercoaster journey with a song that is a polar contrast to the opener.

As you can probably tell I’m a huge fan of this record, with Slowthai really coming into his own thanks to a magical partnership with Dan Carey and a host of other great collaborators behind the scenes who help both amplify and finesse his vision. With inspiration from bands like Nirvana and Radiohead also coming through loud and clear too, this has very quickly become one of my favourite albums of the 2023 so far. A big step forward for Slowthai and an absolute must listen!

Listen here

UK Grim by Sleaford Mods

From grime/punk to post-punk now, as scene veterans Sleaford Mods have returned with their urgent new album, UK Grim. The duo of beat maestro Andrew Fearn and fire-spitting wordsmith Jason Williamson hit new heights on their previous outing Spare Ribs, which mixed first-class collaborations and some lockdown-inspired hot takes for arguably their sharpest and best collection of songs to date. Without reinventing the wheel, the duo build on that winning formula on UK Grim with another effort that ranks well within the top half of their stacked discography.  

The title track and lead single remains both immediate and infectious, with Jason Williamson taking no prisoners as he unleashes his sardonic fury on the current state of Tory Britain on this aggressive, electro-driven opener. DIwhy is then a spiritual sequel to Spare Ribs’ hit Nudge It, but this time around Williamson points his finger and razor-sharp tongue at posers within the post-punk scene itself, with quite frankly hilarious results. Force 10 From Navarone remains my favourite Fearn beat on the whole record, as the duo team up with Dry Cleaning’s Florence Shaw for a song that takes place within Jason Williamson’s own inner monologue. Battling feelings of cherophobia and questioning a passive UK public controlled by a corrupt government, it’s the Mods at their most urgent and brilliant best.

Whilst there may be a couple of moments where it feels like the pair are treading over well-trodden ground at this point, these are more than counteracted by some of the record’s highpoints. On The Ground for example may be their poppiest track ever and easily my favourite here, with a super catchy beat and instant refrain of “they’re on the ground and they’re gonna check you.” By contrast Smash Each Other Up sees Williamson look in complete despair at the current state of the country, as Andrew floats a minimalist and mournful electronic beat in the background. Jane Addiction’s own Peter Farrell then turns up for recent single and the album’s most pure punk moment, So Trendy, which comes over slightly irritating at first, but you’ll soon find yourself singing along.

Despite all these great moments, the duo still manage to save two of the album’s strongest moments for last. Tory Kong swings in on a vine made from a rumbling jungle beat, before closer Rhythms of Class marks one of the duo’s very best songs to date. A well-crafted but brutally bleak look at the reality that Britain now shares many of the same social and political problems of the countries the British public can often vilify, it’s a fittingly poignant end.

Overall this is another strong outing from Nottingham’s finest, with Andrew and Jason building on the groundwork they laid in Spare Ribs for another provocative, frequently incendiary yet occasionally funny and oddly catchy, dismantling of (Not So) Great Britain.

Listen here

Radical Romantics by Fever Ray

Elsewhere, Swedish electro pioneer Karin Dreijer aka Fever Ray released their third solo album and their first batch of new music in six years. Other than featuring the most strikingly bizarre album artwork of the year thus far, Radical Romantics is also quite a blissful and dreamy listen with Dreijer pulling together a frequently fascinating collection of synth-pop induced love songs. At just 10 tracks it doesn’t overstay it’s welcome either, with songs like What They Call Us, Shiver, Kandy and Carbon Dioxide as colourful and enjoyable as any they have made previously.

That said though, you might want to leave before final track Bottom of the Ocean, which sees Dreijer repeating various “oh, oh, oh” sounds for seven minutes over an ominous soundscape. One track that promises to go somewhere but just ends up sinking like the title suggests.

Listen here

Life In Miniature (Extended Edition) by Low Island

One of my Top 10 albums of 2022, the second album from Low Island was nothing short of majestic. As the name Life In Miniature suggests, it was a snapshot of the last two years in which frontman Carlos Posada seemed to encounter all of life’s blessings and curses during one quite intense period. From love and loss to happiness and grief, to sad endings and new beginnings, Low Island gifted listeners a beautiful tapestry of treasured memories that, although personal, impactfully resonate out of the audio through lyrical gut-punches and life-affirming sonic uplifts.

If you missed this gem of an album last year then there really hasn’t been a better time to listen, as now to coincide with the end of their recent UK tour, the band have released a new extended edition featuring three previously unreleased album offcuts. It Holds And It Holds is another soulfully cool slice of electropop, whilst Give Me Something To Love is a stunning bare bones acoustic track. My pick of the three however is Second Skin which captures perfectly what this band do best – danceable grooves with a palpable emotional heart.

Listen here

After Hours (Live At SoFi Stadium) by The Weeknd

There are few albums if any that I’ve played more than After Hours and Dawn FM by The Weeknd over the last couple of years. And for two years I held on to my Weeknd tickets for his London show, hoping I would eventually get to hear the songs live after the lockdowns finally came to an end. Although they did end, the bad news was that Abel’s star status had only grown in that time. This resulted in him cancelling his arena tour and upgrading to stadiums, with tickets going from the fairly reasonable £70 I paid initially to the £300 that Ticketmaster’s obscene surge pricing policy decided that’s what people should pay. As much as I love The Weeknd’s music and am desperate to catch his live show again, that is simply not a price I am willing to pay to see any single artist – maybe next time!

Thankfully to ease the blow somewhat, Abel has released this incredible new live album to accompany the HBO Special filmed at his recent stadium show in Los Angeles. Across the breathtaking (pun intended) 31 song setlist, Abel delivers hit after hit, as his vocal performances and superb live band production frequently get the hairs on your neck standing on end. Whilst it may be further evidence of just what a special popstar The Weeknd is, it’s also a shame that I can’t catch the show in person. The end of Live Nation’s monopoly and Ticketmaster’s ridiculous surge pricing really can’t come soon enough!

Listen here

From Nothing To A Little Bit More by The Lathums

“Before the pandemic The Lathums were on the road to nowhere. Then The Charlatans frontman Tim Burgess heard a recording of early single ‘The Great Escape’ and invited them to play a set at Kendal Calling. The rest, as they say, is history. After a couple of years building a passionate fanbase, they’d play the first non-socially distanced post lockdown gig in Liverpool. Six months after that The Lathums struck gold with the small matter of a UK number one album.

So after being in the whirlwind of prosperity in 2021, the storm has settled. 18 months after their debut they’ve returned with From Nothing To A little Bit More: a less immediate effort but one worthy of the time and effort required to leave an impact.

From Nothing To A Little Bit More is a solid return from The Lathums: darker, rawer and more accomplished, albeit without the same high points of their debut. Alex Moore portrays himself as a sensitive soul and the empathy you feel towards him is the album’s main strength. Especially as, like before, the tunes are heart-warming and infectious - the boys from Wigan discover a darker route mixed with moments of light. This is all done without losing the everyman appeal which drew so many to them in the first place.”

Read Matt McLister’s full review here

Listen here

Also worth checking out: Sunrise Bang Ur Head Against The Wall EP by Nia Archives, The Valley of Vision EP by Manchester Orchestra, Brothers & Sisters by Steve Mason, Tear Me to Pieces by Story of the Year

Tracks of the Week

Lean Beef Patty by JPEGMAFIA & Danny Brown

The rumours of a collaboration album between hip hop superstars JPEGMAFIA and Danny Brown has seemingly been around for years now, but it seems like the long-anticipated release is finally nearing its arrival. Whilst still no release date has been announced yet, we do have the first single which is a sub 2-minute hurricane of hard electronic blasts and lyrical wizardry.

Listen here

Sole Obsession by Nation of Language

One of the best new bands to debut during the lockdown years, new wave duo Nation of Language have quickly earned themselves a cult following off the back of their incredible first two records, Introduction Presence and A Way Forward. Now it appears a new era is on the horizon, with their dazzling new single Sole Obsession a prime example of why people simply can’t get enough of this band.

Listen here

Cello Song by Fontaines D.C.

The legacy of renowned singer-songwriter Nick Drake continues to live on, with a new compilation album in the works featuring covers of his most favourite songs from an enticing artist list that includes Bombay Bicycle Club, Let’s Eat Grandma, Radiohead’s Philip Selway, Feist and more. The first cover from the album to be released though is this brilliant take from Fontaines D.C. of Drake’s iconic Cello Song, with that band managing to pay homage whilst also making it their own.

Listen here

Everytime by Cub Sport

And finally this week, one of my favourite films of all time (for reasons I can’t completely pinpoint myself) is Harmony Korine’s surreal, arthouse summer flick, Spring Breakers.

From the vibrancy of the cinematography to the intoxicating Cliff Martinez soundtrack, to just the sheer hallucinogenic hedonism of it all, I just love everything about it. One thing in particular it does so well is the contradictory marriage between beauty and the beast that lies at the heart of the film, which is captured in no better instance than one certain iconic scene. In this magical moment, James Franco’s Alien plays Britney Spears’ Everytime on the piano, whilst the four girls waltz around him wearing Neon Ski Masks and carrying their shotguns, as montage footage of their dangerous escapades are intertwined. Surreal, completely nuts, but also oddly beautiful.

Now I’m not sure if that scene entered the brains of Aussie synth-pop outfit Cub Sport when they decided to cover this Britney classic, but the vocoder vocals and dazed electronica of this dreamy version of the song took me right back to that cinematic masterpiece. Check out the cover, then check out the film if you’ve never seen it - but don’t say I didn’t warn you!

Listen here

Also worth checking out: Messed Up by Holy Holy featuring Kwame, Line In The Sand by Hot Chip, Brian Eno & Goddess, CooCool by Roisin Murphy, Bloodshot by Enter Shikari, Ache by The Xcerts featuring Sam Carter

REMINDER: If you use Apple Music, you can also keep up-to-date with all my favourite 2023 tracks through my Best of 2023 playlist. Constantly updated throughout the year with songs I enjoy, it is then finalised into a Top 100 Songs of the Year in December.

Add the playlist to your library here

[novafire-is-thinking]

I’m flattered you think I’m qualified to answer this question of yours. The short answer is yes—I do believe you’re on the right track. However, I must admit I haven’t seen all of RBA yet. I’ve heard a bit about Wedge’s Decepticon history though, so I will attempt to write a long answer based on that and my speculation about post-war Cybertron. The TL;DR is at the end for those who just want the takeaway message.

RBA takes place on the same timeline as TFP, so I’ll start there.

“History is written by the victors.”

- Winston Churchill

By the end of Predacons Rising, it’s assumed that the members of Team Prime (and maybe Knockout) are the first to begin serious rebuilding efforts. Except for KO and a few vehicon soldiers, there were no other other Decepticons willing to cooperate and collaborate, as far as we know.

After Optimus sacrificed himself and the shock wore off, we can assume that news of the war’s end would have spread. However, we don’t know how long it took for older Cybertronians to begin returning. Even then, it’s highly likely that Decepticons were more reluctant to return knowing the Autobots were technically the victors. This would mean there was probably an extremely small Decepticon presence on Cybertron for quite a while.

The way I see it, there were two Cybertronians best qualified to recount the war’s history and write it down for future generations: Optimus and Soundwave. Both were there from the beginning, and the history “books” produced would have been, in theory, more balanced as there would have been perspectives from BOTH sides of the conflict. But ever so conveniently (/s), Optimus was dead for a while and Soundwave was trapped in the Shadowzone.

You’ve mentioned Ratchet’s retelling of events from TFP. That in and of itself was dripping with his personal bias as an Autobot. I’m not sure if you’ve read the Aligned novels, but there’s quite a bit in there that Ratchet left out. The reason Megatronus seemed to resort to violence so quickly is because he thought “reasonable” attempts (aka Orion’s way) were a waste of time and energy. While Orion was convinced change could be brought about through patient seeding of new ideas and ideologies, Megatronus was convinced that he saw what Orion didn’t: That positive change wasn’t going to happen unless it was forced through a violent overthrowing of the system. Personally, I don’t think either of them was fully wrong or right in their assumptions, but that’s a story for another day. The point is, Ratchet unintentionally twisted Megatron’s “true motives” in his retelling of events. It lacked nuance.

“Until the lion learns how to write, every story will glorify the hunter.”

- from Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe

Now, fast forward to “present day” Cybertron (pre-RBA), and there would have been many new Cybertronians being “born” and “growing up.” I do agree with you that a history book would have been one of the last things most would have been interested in looking at as they explored their new home and themselves. And even if they’d had an interest in the war’s history, Autobots like Ratchet would have written most of those “books” and unintentionally or intentionally suppressed the Decepticon perspective.

It’s obvious that Optimus came back some time before the beginning of RBA, but I still think that, despite his efforts to be objective, any history he would have written down for the new generation would still have had plenty of Autobot bias. Personal bias is just an unavoidable part of being alive.

The Decepticons who did return would likely have not bothered trying to share their perspectives in many significant ways thinking it would be pointless to go against the majority. I could, however, see them congregating and forming communities and alliances in Decepticon “pockets” around New Cybertron.

A Cybertronian street urchin?

From what little I remember of Wedge from the first half of season 1, he strikes me as a kid with an independent streak. He dislikes being controlled, disrespected, etc. He’s not the violent type though.

I like your headcanon of him having possibly been taken in by some ‘Cons after he emerged from the Well (or a hotspot, if we bring in some IDW lore). If I go with the hotspot theory, I could definitely see “Decepticon communities” having control over a handful of New Cybertron’s hotspots. If Wedge emerged from one of those, he would have been scooped up real quick and given a heavily biased crash course on what a Decepticon was, how to be one, who not to trust, etc. And being basically a newborn, he would have gone along with it to feel a sense of safety, acceptance, and belonging. Or tried to, at least… He probably grew up quickly in that he was forced to rely almost entirely on himself in more situations than he now cares to admit.

Of course, eventually, Optimus being Optimus would have seen potential in Wedge despite his roguish upbringing (and perhaps even because of it) and intervened in some way, convincing the young bot to join the Rescue Academy.

TL;DR History written primarily by Autobots would have almost certainly created issues for the new generation(s). Wedge may have been brought up in one of many “pocket” Decepticon communities that felt helpless to speak up and share their perspectives on the war thanks to overwhelming Autobot influences.

Can I ask a genuine question about RBA? Like, does everyone think that when Wedge revealed that he used to be a decepticon and how the other recruits reacted to it, it was because all info and history about decepticons being majorly altered or erased? I get that in that episode a lot of the choices made were interesting. How each recruit reacted differently to even hearing about what a decepticon was. Especially Hotshot’s being openly critical of decepticons. But I mean……can you blame him?

Put yourself in that kid’s shoes for a second and imagine knowing that an entire race turned against your entire world and plunged said world into a total catastrophe. I don’t even think that many of the older generations even remember why Megatron started the war in the first place. And I mean the REAL reason. I admit Megatron’s intentions were for bettering society, and he couldn’t really accomplish that with his status. Except when you you really look back on the flashback sequence in TFP, he wasn’t really on the “try to reasonably convince these powerful leaders into abolishing a harmful government,” and it was more of a, and correct me if I’m wrong, “fiercely question why the state of this government is absolutely corrupt and make a very violent point about how to correct it immediately,” Okay I think I might’ve botched it a bit. But you get the point right? When Megatron actually wanted to go to war, it wasn’t about freeing the oppressed, it was about proving a point in the most cynical and violent way possible. That’s why when he was freed from Unicron, he actually understood what it meant to be oppressed.

Back on track, now picture a post-war kid being born on Cybertron. Now that they aren’t immediately forced into a caste or function, they get to explore the world around them. Seeing what they like and figuring out who they are and what they want to do, and maybe finding a mentor or two. And seeing what kind of post-war kids this continuity brings to the table, we’re talking about Strongarm, Sideswipe, Wedge, Whirl, Hotshot, Hoist and Medix. We’ve all seen what they can be like.

And I’m theorizing is that in this era in RBA, new-borns are so busy exploring and being well, new borns, I don’t think a history book is what is going to catch their eye first. Instead they learn from the world around them, maybe overhearing a couple conversations, running into the wrong crowds, and maybe being born into a different part of Cybertron where the decepticon influence is more profound.

Okay, okay, Wedge, we all love Wedge, but I personally headcannon that maybe he wasn’t exactly born AS a decepticon, but maybe he was taken in by a couple decepticons who uh….showed him the ropes. Then blah, blah, blah, a bunch of young dumb crime spree after crime spree and then big man Oppy shows up.

Or maybe if he was literally BORN as a decepticon, that just gave a whole new meaning about how the caste system worked in ye olden days. It also might’ve influenced ACTUAL culture stuff on Cybertron.

I don’t think I’m making any sense. Please help me out @novafire-is-thinking @viewer-of-many @thegirlwhoflies26

[mindmeltonabun-blog]

Alchemy of Souls: Theories and Analyses (Eps 1-4)

Hello everyone! I'm back again to analyze and theorize! This time I'm choosing to write about "Alchemy of Souls"! For readers who have stuck with me since "Tale of the Nine Tailed", I want to give you all a heads up that I will be providing theories and analyses for season 2 once it comes out! So look forward to that!

Now back to "Alchemy of Souls"! It's going to be a long drama...20 episodes long so I may or may not write a post for each episode. Just don't pressure me to do so! It does take a great deal of time and thinking to write these posts and well it's the summer....I'm trying to relax and not use my brain as much lol! The things I have mentioned here can also be found on my Twitter, but they are very basic on that platform. These Tumblr posts will further elaborations on some of the theories I had posted on Twitter.

This post will be long, but I hope it will be worth your time. I apologize in advance for any typos! Anyways subsequent posts will likely be shorter! Ok drum roll...time to put on our thinking caps and let's analyze and theorize!

The Alchemy of Souls

Firstly, let’s review some things! Alchemy of Souls is a spell that when it is casted, it allows two souls to swap with one another. For it to be casted successfully, the gender, age, build, etc of the people involved must be similar. I would like to think of soul shifting as organ transplantation. Things have to be a perfect match in order for there to be a lower risk of rejection.

In the world of "Alchemy of Souls", if there is a rejection or clash, one will “run wild” due to a crack or a gap which forms between the soul and body. This then leads to a loss of energy and one becoming petrified or turning into stone. As far as we know, the only way to prevent this is to siphon the life energy of others.

To be able to perform the alchemy of souls one must have already master the following steps:

Jipsu: Ability to gather the energy of water

Ryusu: Ability to gain energy from the flow of water; must master this step to be able to unsheathe a mage sword

Chisu: Ability to control the energy in the atmosphere

Hwansu: Ability to convert water to fire and vice versa

Naksu's Ocean Eyes

Now let's move to reviewing the indicators of soul swapping aka the blue mark. Typically the blue mark will appear near the heart. It is a sign that both a soul has exited and entered a body. One might ask, "Why does it appear near the heart?". Well it is because this is where the "Shen" (term in Chinese Alchemy to describe the soul) is located. Side note, most of the philosophy in AOS comes from Chinese Alchemy/Taosim so it might be worth your time to look it up! Anyways the blue mark forms because it is both a sign and a gateway which allows for a soul to either exit or enter a body.

I'd previously mentioned that the blue typically appears near the heart. However, there are some exceptions as seen in Naksu and Mu Deok's case. Their blue mark appears in Mu Deok’s eyes. Why? Well, it's going to be a long explanation. Prepare yourselves!

First, "eyes are the gateways to our souls". Second, there are two gateways in which the soul can enter or exit: the eyes and the heart. I am theorizing that because Mu Deok does not have a soul which could've exited through the area above her heart, she would have no blue mark there. Due to this, Naksu's soul had no where else to go except for the other gateway which was through Mu Deok's eyes.

Some might then ask, "Why do you think Mu Deok does not have a soul?". Simply put, it is because she does not have eyes/is blind. The eyes are suppose to be the gateway to one’s soul, if one does not have them then one is soulless. Get it? Essentially Mu Deok was an empty shell that lacked a soul.

Not only does she not physically have eyes, but she also does not have any motivations in life nor will to live for that matter. She does not have any joie de vie. Her life was dismal. She was a disabled, the person taking care of her had died, and she got sold off to courtesan house. Taken together, one would see that Mu Deok physically and spiritually does not have a soul.

Another possible explanation for Naksu's ocean eyes is that maybe Mu Deok was physically dead already when Naksu swapped into her body. The notion of soul swapping into a dead body was brought up during the King and Jang Gang's conversation in Ep 1.

For those who are still wondering if Mu Deok’s soul had gone into Naksu’s body or lying dormant within her own body, you should understand that since Mu Deok does not have a soul in the first place, it would not go anywhere. This is not to say that it is not possible. I am just saying that given the limited amount of information we have been given so far, the following theories I have proposed above seem to make the most sense at potentially explaining the phenomenon that is Naksu's ocean eyes.

Why Didn't Naksu's Soul Go Into the Bar Maid's Body?

When Jang Gang casted the Alchemy of Soul spell, it had gone towards the person he had intended it for. In Naksu's case, it was quite the opposite. She had meant for the spell to go towards the bar maid, but it instead went to Mu Deok. Some theories I have for this is that even though Naksu's casting did not go towards the person she had wanted, it did go to the person it was suppose to go to. Meaning that the spell was able to find the host that it deemed to be the perfect candidate for Naksu's soul.

In some ways Mu Deok’s body was the perfect host for Naksu’s soul because they had shared similar backgrounds. For example, both had lost their parents when they were young. Both were unwanted members of society (ex. Mu Deok was blind and Naksu was an assassin). Other qualities that made Naksu and Mu Deok a perfect pair for soul swapping is that one had a strong desire to live (Naksu) while the other had a strong desire to die (Mu Deok). It's like that saying "opposites attract". Anyways because certain things lined up with one another precisely, it made these two perfect for one another in terms of soul swapping.

Now in other ways, Mu Deok’s body was incompatible for Naksu’s soul. They had different builds. For example, Mu Deok had a fragile body while Naksu’s body was strong and healthy. To overcome this physical obstacle, I believe Naksu must make Mu Deok’s body suitable to host her strong soul. This could be done by gradually increasing Mu Deok’s strength by working out and/or training. If this is not done slowly, Mu Deok’s body will likely become overloaded, burnout, and petrified.

Who Da Baby Daddy?

One of the biggest debates I've seen so far is who is the father of Jang Uk. Some argue that Jang Uk’s daddy is Jang Gang while others argue that it is the king. It’s like an argument between physical or spiritual. Genetically and physically speaking, Jang Uk is Jang Gang’s son, but spiritually he may be the King’s son. 

There are some questions I do have such as do pieces of a parent's soul pass to their offspring? I mean I can see the argument that powers are passed down from generation to generation as it has been implied that powers and genetics are linked. However it would seem much more difficult to believe the notion that a parent's soul is passed to their offspring. The Hong Sisters really should provide more clarification on this idea. Otherwise it may cause many viewers to become confuse and lose interest in the show.

Anyways there is the possibility that Jang Gang really is the father of Jang Uk both physically and spiritually. We don’t know when Do Hwa was pregnant. Maybe she was pregnant before Jang Gang had swapped souls with the King and just hadn't found the right time to tell him until later.

The person who could potentially know this is Maidservant Kim. Furthermore, I don’t think Maidservant Kim was even aware that Jang Gang had swapped souls with the King. There needs to be an "ah ha" moment as I like call it where the characters actually talk to each other about everything instead of keeping it to themselves. At least then the plot could progress somewhere. If such a moment arises, I believe it'll go something like Jang Uk being a cry baby and telling Maidservant Kim about what Park Jin had told him and then Maidservant Kim being like "No, Do Hwa was already pregnant before Jang Gang met up with the King". 

In many aspects, I feel like Park Jin is Jang Uk's father. Sure, he may not have contributed his genetic material nor soul, but at least he was around for the important moments in Jang Uk's life like when Jang Uk first spoke. I think both in the world of AOS and here in real life, the definition of what it means to be a father can vary.

The Lost Daughter Of the Jin Family…Is It Naksu or Mu Deok?

From mystery daddies to mystery daughters. Smh. Anyways there has been a debate of who the lost daughter of the Jin is. Some have argued it is Mu Deok while others have said it is Naksu.

Those who say it is Mu Deok are only able to offer a single piece of evidence which is that Master Heo Yeom’s recognized Mu Deok’s ear. Like really people? Her ear makes you think she's the long lost daughter of the Jin family?! If only it were that easy. We know that Mu Deok was a pretty sickly person. It is more probable that Master Heo Yeon had recognized Mu Deok's ear because he had previously treated her for some sort of other ailment.

Now what I think is much more likely is that Naksu is actually the lost daughter of the Jin family. There is much more evidence that supports this theory than the other one. The first piece of evidence is Naksu's love for birds. She had a bird whistle and then during storytime with Jang Uk, she talked about being like a bird egg on top of a tree. This girl doesn’t just like birds…SHE LOVES BIRDS! Anyways, you know who else seems like birds? Mama Jin…I mean she has like a crap ton of them. Coincidence? I think not. 

The second piece of evidence is Naksu's ability to quickly learn mage skills/steps which was evident when she bragged to Jang Uk that she had mastered Jipsu in 5 years. It is implied in AOS that if one is from a great mage family, one tends to master mage skills faster than others. If Naksu is indeed from the Jin family, it would explain how she managed to master jipsu so quickly. Side note this is a strong piece of evidence against the argument that Mu Deok is the lost daughter from the Jin family. I mean you don't see Mu Deok having any mage powers or anything. Then again who knows... maybe Jin Mu closed Mu Deok's gate of energy somehow (don't know if you have to be a great mage to be able to do this or not).

I won't dismiss the fact that Naksu's parents could very well be the people who were killed in the beginning of the show. There are still many unknowns. The astronomer who made the prediction about the birth of the King's son was Naksu's "dad". So maybe the great families had gathered to kill him as to keep the origins of Jang Uk's birth a secret. Then again maybe the great families had gathered to kill Naksu's parents because they were actually her kidnappers. We know Jin Mu has a habit of placing his people inside the palace and Songrim. So who knows, maybe Naksu's parents were actually working for Jin Mu. Again there are a lot of unknowns.

What Is Jin Mu’s Endgame?

Ok time to take a closer look at the #1 asshole in AOS aka Jin Mu. We first should ask ourselves, what exactly is Jin Mu's endgame? What does he really want?

Revenge on the Jin Family for kicking him out

I talked about this in the previous section. Maybe Jin Mu's plan for revenge on his family was to kidnap the daughter of the Jin family aka Naksu and then brainwash her into thinking her real parents were the bad guys. He had planned to make her hate them so much so that she would try and kill them. Yea...that's some messed up crap right there.

2. Gwanju position

I still don't get why he desires this position other than to maybe have full access to Cheonbugwan and the Soul Ejector.

3. Soul Ejector

If you remembered during Ep 2, Jin and his minions were not only trying to steal Naksu's body and sword, but also trying to get into Cheonbugwan. There is a device that Jin Mu is aware of which is resides in Cheonbugwan: the Soul Ejector. Not much is known about this device. I'm guessing that based off of its name, it is a device which ejects souls and can be used to reverse soul swapping.

The reason Jang Gang had needed this device was because he needed to switch back to his body. Some might ask well why couldn't he do that without this device? Well it is because he was in the body of the King which did not have any mage powers. Therefore, he would need such a device. Along with his device, he would also need someone who is able to perform the Alchemy of Souls spell.

All we know so far is that Jin Mu has been going around swapping the souls of his minions into royal officials (ex. Prince’s eunuch) and people at Songrim (ex. astrology pupil). Is Jin Mu planning to eject multiple souls or something to create his own army? Or maybe this device can only be used to ejector souls from non mage bodies? Who the hell knows at this point!

It'll be funny if Jin Mu is doing all of this just so he can swap into the body of the current king and therefore be the King. But yea I'm still not able to accurately predict what Jin Mu's full plan is yet. I would need more episodes for that!

Seo Yul and Naksu

Past Relationship

There is not much known about Naksu's past relationship with Seo Yul other than they seem to be young love birds perched up in a tree. Seo Yul was so in love with Naksu. He smiled at her (which is in contrast to his stoic demeanor now) and spent time carving Naksu a bird whistle. If that doesn’t say scream undying love then I don’t know what does! It would seem that these feelings were mutual since Naksu kept the bird whistle throughout the years despite morphing into a cold blooded assassin.

Other mysteries to be solved is the reason why these two love birds had parted ways. My theory is that it was Naksu’s decision to end the friendship/more than friendship relationship. At this point Naksu had been under Jin Mu's training and scheming ways. It wouldn't surprise me that Jin Mu had assigned Naksu to befriend Seo Yul as a way to collect information about the great families. Eventually Naksu had probably caught feelings for Seo Yul and didn't want to lead him on nor hurt him so she decided to disappear.

It is pretty heartwarming to know that despite growing up to be a coldhearted assassin, Naksu still had a soft spot of Seo Yul as it was evident in her possession of the bird whistle despite the many years that had passed. To her, the time she spent with Seo Yul were probably the happiest she had ever been. He was probably the only kind person she knew at the time.

Present Relationship

Now let's skip the present....all I got to say is That BOY KNOWS…HE KNOWS. Seo Yul is not a dumb cookie rather he's a very smart cookie. The biggest giveaway for him was seeing Naksu playing the flute on the bridge. The look on his face said it all. It was the look of seeing the only girl he had ever loved after years had passed. If it had been any other girl, Seo Yul would casted her ass to the ground and got the whistle back right away, but because it was Naksu he took a more gentle approach.

When she said the whistle meant nothing to her, Seo Yul called her bluff and took her hand with the whistle and placed it over his heart and subsequently told her his breathing technique. SWOOOOOOON. To me this moment basically said, "you have my heart and I'll tell you anything you want".

Anyways following that moment on the bridge, I hope you all noticed how much more he began to stare at her. He definitely saw her hesitation to give up her sword and he also saw her mischievous smile after she told Jang Uk they had to leave. Boy told knows Naksu had manipulated the situation with the meeting between Master Heo Yeom, Dang Gu, and Jin Mu.

Then in this upcoming week's episode, we see both Seo Yul and Dang Gu visiting Naksu and Jang Uk in Danhyanggot despite Naksu initially telling them she was going to Sari. Smart cookie Seo Yul went with the assumption that Mu Deok is actually Naksu and therefore he headed to Danhyyanggok instead of Sari. Naksu had probably mentioned to Seo Yul that she was from Danhyanggot back during their love bird days.

The Mysterious Teacher Lee/The Devil’s Teacher

In the latest ep, we were introduced to a new character. Though the episode did not mention his name, additional info about him can be found on TvN’s website. His name is Lee Cheol, but he is also called Master Lee because he only wears a hemp robe all four seasons. He is a highly skilled mage. I still think of him as President of Vincenzo's fan club, Oh My Consigliere haha!

It was shown that he was the one who robbed Jin Yo Won. He was so powerful that he did not need to open the doors to Jin Yo Won to get Sapsali, he simply just had to summon Sapsali. Subsequently, he shifted Sapsali's soul into the body of a dead Sapsali dog (Sapsali is also a name of a dog breed in Korea). 

In Ep 5 preview, it is shown that Master Lee had stumbled upon Naksu and is aware that she had shifted into Mu Deok’s body. The preview can be misleading, but I think Lee Cheol has been living in Naksu’s former home in Danhyanggot (that’s why when she comes back she’s wondering where all the things had came from). Anyways in another trailer, it would seem the Master Lee has befriended Jang Uk and Naksu.

One big question is whether Master Lee is a friend or foe? I am thinking that he will be a friend. Here’s why. In Ep 2 after Naksu had unsheathed her sword in the Lake, she figures out that she needs someone as powerful as the energy of the lake to push out her energy so she could be her old powerful shelf again. Jang Uk asks her if she's looking for a master to teach her to do this. Well everyone, I believe Naksu has finally found a master who will help accomplish this.  His name is #1 Corn Salad fan...haha (sorry to those who haven't watch Vincenzo...you really should).

Other theories I have about Master Lee is that he is in fact Jang Gang. The only information we have been given about Jang Gang is that he’s been gone for decades to “train”. I bet Jang Gang went into insolation to figure out how to fix the problem of soul shifters running wild as well as to do some soul searching after the whole the King slept with his wife debacle. Additionally in that last scene of Jang Gang in Ep 4, he was seen experiencing some stomach pain..could this mean that something was happening to his core energy (remember that this is where one's core energy is located) ? Other clues that Master Lee is Jang Gang is that Master Lee knows the location of Jin Yo Won. I mean I don’t think the location of where the Jin family keeps their magical objects is common knowledge. That secret is probably only known to the members of the great mage families. Just saying!

Misc.

Other important things to mention is that I think we are to assume that as long as one of your parents is a mage, you will be born as one. For example the Prince. His father, the King, is normal while his mother, the Queen, had belonged to the Seo family. Therefore the Prince has mage powers through his mom's side. Otherwise if you have two normal parents, you will not be born as a mage.

Some have theorized that the old King's soul is in the body Prince's eunuch. I don't think that is the case. I think he's just important to Jin Mu because he's one of the Prince's closest staff members and therefore would be the closest source to information about the Prince.

I know I did not mention much about Naksu and Jang Uk's relationship. This is because there's not much to theorized about it at the present moment. It's a pretty cut and dry relationship. They both helping each other so that they can get what they want. Eventually Jang Uk will become mature and that's when the romance between these two will begin.

Jang Uk's sword is a "Four Tigers sword" which was typically constructed during the year of the tiger and is used exclusively by kings.

Update 6/30/22: Besides Master Lee being the one who can potentially help Naksu to regain her powers as well as prevent her from becoming petrified, I believe there is another way this can happen. It would require the conversion of elements. To switch souls, one must be able to convert water to fire. When one becomes petrified, one is turned into stone which is an earth element. So maybe the key to Naksu not turning to stone lies within either the conversion of earth->fire ->water OR earth->metal-> water.

[otomeloverkai]

Update: 20 mins wait seems a bit ridiculous (screenshot given below)

Okay, so I have my opinion now. I wanted to wait at least 5 days before having a firm opinion...but seriously, the chats are between Teo and me are not getting any better.

Things I feel are missing/not right in The ssum: the forbidden lab :

1. A major part of what makes a game interesting is the interactions between the characters. However, with "The ssum", there is only Teo and I, no other characters (yet) to interact with.

2. Lack of a comprehensive plot- absence of a motive. I know, most people will say that it has only been 3 days, which is too early to judge the plot, BUT let me say this— in most interesting games (rated above 4 stars and above in the playstore), the plot is more or less transparent. The moment you enter the game, the plot is introduced to you and you know what you're working with– this is totally missing in "The ssum" which has a very abstract plot.

3. Too many features that were not explained clearly. Imagine entering a game for the first time and being slapped in the face with a planet named Vanas, an emotion incubator, energy, frequency, aurora batteries, study lab, duplicate twitter, and an individual who is quite impolite to you. Long story short, I want to say that it is a lot to take in.

4. Too many paid features. For someone who was excited about "The ssum", I am greatly disappointed. Every app/game has certain paid features, and it is completely valid to make money off a game. What is not right, however, is that I must pay for even the most trivial features that are usually totally free. Why am I supposed to feed batteries to an individual so that he stops breathing and replies to me? And this happens every few seconds into the conversation. Also, the high prices need a special mention- the price per month in my country would be the price of monthly groceries for a family of 3.

5. Different planets. I am assuming that Teo is not a resident of earth. He supposedly lives on the planet Vanas (aka fictional Venus). This has led to an unconscious sort of disapproval. The game which I had presumed to be a normal dating sim with a plot has turned out to be some sort of "guardians of the galaxy" fanfiction.

6. Teo has no special or characteristic qualities that might make him special. And his typing speed sucks...moreover, I need to pay him to type better.

That's all. I know cheritz made a lot of effort to make this game, and I know how difficult making a game from scratch is, but "The ssum" is just not what I was hoping it would be.

I will play the game further, and if at any point I learn something, that makes me feel that I disagree with any of the points that I have stated above, then I will update the post and let everyone know. For now, however, "The ssum" is not good. This post is totally my opinion, not spreading hate, just trying to politely state why I do not like this game. It does have a few things that are good, but my overall opinion is that I do not like it.