#aka lack of motivation and energy for me

[pseudoartistpostsstuff]

Alright alright- Bear with me here. Could I perhaps ask for a Yandere LU Chain, where Reader is like HUGE adventurer. Kinda like Wild in his game, exploring everywhere and stuff. But one day maybe Reader gets hurt on an adventure by a black-blooded creature, and the Chain is bit too late to save them. So Reader is like Twilight for a bit, although maybe they can also recover due to the Chain likely supporting them as much if not more than with Twilight. How would the Chain react to this afterwards? Would they be relieved, angry, or...? Both? Tbh I think overprotectiveness would just go brrrr after this-

Also, love love LOVE your writing! Seriously, HOW DO YOU DO THIS MAGIC? It's put together so well and istg i get goosebumps sometimes from this stuff.

Thank you!!!

Thank you very much for requesting, and I hope you enjoy this very late reply!

Notes aka author ramblings: Apollo slapped me in the face with random energy and motivation to write this, the inspiration came along the way and faded a bit more towards the end, so please take that into consideration 😭

Basically I wrote this on the span of 2-3 hours

What may look like a few plot holes was some ties I left untied on purpose because I felt like it'd probably sound too much like an info dump in the oneshot

But I have so many thoughts

And yes reader's codename is Stray

I hope I'm not rusty fr

TWs: Light yanderism, blood and wounds (not graphic), mentioned spiders, bullying, childhood trauma and exclusion.

Yandere! LU! Chain x Reader

Stray at heart, collared in body.

The world is big and full of stuff, and to say that you loved to explore it would be an understatement. Sometimes it felt like your biggest love was for adventuring, cause’ of course it was! How could anyone not love to find new places, objects, people— Even animals and magical creatures!

It was the type of subject that got you rambling and all excited.

Of course, you weren't exactly one of those pure born hyruleans, you weren't even from Hyrule, for starters, so you lacked the elegant pointy ears, and, well, the actual magic and luck that came with being one so close to Hylia as the race that descended from the Goddess herself.

That definitely hindered your explorations, leaving you bare handed when it came to healing and all things good and helpful for explorers like you. Still, none of that ever stopped you.

Actually, it was the thing that moved you to start in the first place, back when you were very young.

Back then, in the village you came from yet never considered home, the whole place felt filled to the brim with boredom-inducing stillness — or so you remembered, and so your childish eyes told you — you felt like it wasn't worth staying there.

It was going to be still and empty of fun forever, you could never be happy staying locked down there when so many new and yet ancient things were waiting for you everywhere else!

Needless to say, your head was constantly in the clouds, though, maybe that was a good thing after a while. It certainly shielded you from feeling too lonely when you started to actually notice you were being excluded by the rest of the children.

The stares and quiet giggles weren't easy to bear, but you just learned to deal with them with time, keeping yourself focused on your future instead, the future you wanted to build far away from that place.

Of course, as you are now today, and after learning about and interacting with so many different cultures, learning what you could from their knowledge, some things stuck with you.

Like the knowledge that now you had, that the children weren't ever the ones at fault in the first place.

Their stares and giggles mainly mimicked, almost perfectly, the ones who teached them to act that way, their glares and mockery.

Sometimes you wondered how your own parents managed to cope with being badly spoken about in the mouths of other adults from that village, the ones who insisted in believing your restless adventurous spirit from such a young age could be nothing else but bad parenting or a curse to the family.

You used to believe it, wish it was real and you either were or had a curse. That would mean that you at least had a percentage of magic in your veins, even if it wasn't exactly the best type.

Because it turns out, you didn't fit in with the most of Hyrule, either. Your normalness kept them away just like your strangeness used to keep away those around you during your childhood.

In fact, that acquired you the nickname of “Stray”.

Stray. Stray because at heart, no matter the community you shoved your way into, you didn't truly belong anywhere. You belonged to the world around you, and nothing could force that out of you.

It was deeply etched into your very soul.

Or so they said.

Well, a group of people begged to differ.

You've heard of a “hero” and a “triangle trio” thing more than a few times already when you roamed the remaining villages of Hyrule, but the last thing you were expecting to find was nine heroes traveling together in a group.

However, none of them belonged here anymore, and so that spoke directly to your inner child, the one who was used to being the only one, always related to some synonym of lonely.

You were often called “Stray” by them rather than your own name, but you still wore the name with pride, because now you were in no way the only stray present anymore.

They were also the reason you stopped wishing for a curse of a magic of some kind. Because you were more than aware that then they'd also have to force you into an imprisonment of some kind.

Still, you already felt achieved.

Finally.

What else could you wish for? You were finally able to explore to your heart's content.

Though not without many worried glances and startled yells sent your way every time you got near anything that left you endangered in some way.

And the best part, you weren't shunned anymore.

At least not by them. Villager's still gave you uneasy and passive aggressive glances.

The one you were probably the closest to was the one named “Wild”, or so they called him — calling all of them “Link” wasn't ideal — after all, out of all of them, he was the one who was most in tune with you.

You were both from the same time period, which already differed from the others, but he wasn't able to fit in anymore due to his lack of ties to any community.

Of course, you were more than aware you still weren't the same. If he tried, he'd still be able to settle down anywhere he wanted, but he still had a job to do which rendered him unable to do so, therefore you made yourself believe you were still alike in some way.

It would hurt too much to not do so, your sanity was at sake here.

They made it so easy too. being all friendly and welcoming. You finally felt at home, in peace.

What else could you truly wish for?

Although, maybe singing victory and yapping about happiness wasn't the smartest idea when they were all in a dangerous mission. And you, of course, were involved.

You were all exploring — or rather, just walking through — a forest on the way to some village at the very ends of Hyrule.

The people of that village didn't travel much, but they had something your group wanted, therefore, your group had to go to them instead.

Being the dumbass, air head, you were, instead of walking in the middle of the moving crowd of fully capable heroes, you found yourself roaming the edges, gawking at whatever you could see yet not reach for past the edges of the path you were all following.

Time was keeping his eye on you — the only working one he had — the whole time, making sure you wouldn't wander off. You felt like a kid.

And just like a kid, the very moment he got distracted, killing a Skulltula, you wandered off.

However, turns out there wasn't just one spider.

The forest was infested, which definitely explained why the village folk were so against the idea of wandering too far past the starts of the foliage and the big thick bushes surrounding and protecting the narrow path you traveled by.

Didn't take too long for you to be found by something else rather than your friends, who by now, must have been definitely looking for you.

They never took long to notice your disappearances, the opposite actually, which used to annoy you a lot since Wild never had to face the same overprotectiveness. Not even Wind!

Now, your desire to prove them wrong brought you face to face with one of said spiders.

Maybe they weren't that wrong...?

And, just you luck! The thing undoubtedly had black blood.

Just like a kid, you failed to remember or acknowledge the fact your group just happened to be chased by those types of monsters earlier, some still following you.

It just slipped your mind, completely.

Just like you slipped on the mud on your way out of the trees and back to the narrow path where your friends’ yells and blurry faces were awaiting and rushing towards you worriedly.

When did it start raining enough to create mud?

The mud smelled metallic.

Your memory was blurry, the world itself felt blurry.

Still, you half remembered, like a far away memory, stumbling out of the thick bushes and into many arms, blood equally as thick dripping from a gash in your abdomen like a waterfall in a rainy — stormy, more like — day.

Then, like a blink, a very long blink, your consciousness was gone.

It took an overly long while for you to wake up. It felt like sleeping during a rainy night, you never wanted to wake up the morning after, and even if you felt like waking up was the best idea, your body refused to open it's eyes.

Only difference was that for you it felt like an overly long rainy night, and like you spent the following week still asleep.

At some point sleeping even became boring.

And you had 9 voices in your head telling you to wake up “please”, when they weren't chatting — worriedly, most of the time — amongst each other. Didn't sound like the usual, to be honest.

When you did come to it, it was in a slow, painful way.

Your head felt like someone banged their shield against it multiple times. If bone was able to bleed, your skull would have been bleeding.

Your eyes also felt tired, despite having just woken up from a long, restless and dreamless nap.

However, your throat felt surprisingly fine, and so did the rest of your body, though you felt numb and weak.

Instantly, your senses were crowded by familiar scents a bit too close to you.

Twilight's was the one which overwhelmed the others, and was paired with the feeling of fur and warmth, overwhelming warmth.

Your body definitely felt too hot. that much you could tell. Though the sight of the many blankets, coats and furs — one specific dark gray fur, actually — explained that, and also the weight on top of you.

With some strain and trembling limbs, you sat up. Instantly regretting it when the sleepy feeling which was still clouding your mind and leaving your movements sluggish got torn away from your body by the force of a sharp pain on your abdomen, strong enough to challenge the dull one still hammering inside your head.

You made a groan of pain and pushed the pile of warmth on top of you to the side, making it fall off the cot you were laying in, exposing the reason for your pain.

This triggered a gasp from somewhere near you. You didn't pay attention, too focused on the strange sight of a large bandaged wound on your belly.

“Stray! You're awake! You're finally awake...” The voice came from above, you could recognize the soft yet shaky tone of Hyrule.

Yet the body which wrapped around your shoulders carefully, and clearly as gently as possible, were definitely from Sky.

“We thought we wouldn't be able to…” Sky swallowed some of his shaky words, trying to spare you from listening to his rambling and sobbing at the same time.

Hyrule grabbed your hand on the bed, opposite to Sky's side.

“You're even worse than Twilight in the “no response to potions or enchantments” aspect…” He gave you a weak smile, now you could guess why it took you so long to wake up.

They had to resort to different methods to try and keep you alive.

You made a face and nodded slowly, also leaning a bit more into Sky now that you weren’t that surprised anymore.

It took less than about 2 minutes for the rest of the group to come back to see you, which was quite curious for you, considering there weren't any messages exchanged through anyone — Sky and Hyrule refused to leave your side, and nobody else was around — and they were all the way out of camp and into a village's market.

Guess you'd never know how they found out.

Your recovery took far longer to finish than Twilight's, considering you had no previous strength built against the black stuff, so you just spent your time sitting around or being carried.

The fact you were, in fact, able to walk, was just another reason for that extreme boredom.

And you weren't even carried to many places! Just around camp!

To say you were itching to touch the grass with your actual flesh and feel the thrill of seeing new things again would be an absolute misunderstanding.

And of course you wanted to bound to the first available place you could the very moment you were released from your inability to carry yourself around.

Did you, though? No, not really.

“I'm gonna check out that pond.” You yawned with serotonin coursing through your veins. The same restless feeling you always got when you saw the beach, despite having seen it many times.

It was around the fourth or fifth time you asked to go check out something. The answer was always the same.

This time you felt completely healed though, so you were hopeful!

“And get attacked by that bokoblin?” Legend crossed his arm with a deep frown, he was always frowning, but that frown just seemed more deeper than the others you've seen before.

“What bokoblin?” It confused you, the pond was absolutely empty when it came to any live beings, though maybe not if you counted the greenery and a few fish.

“There could be one. You didn't see the skulltula last time, did you?”

Well that made you frown. It hit you directly where it hurt.

And now you were unsure about venturing that way.

You nodded, slowly.

“I'll get Warriors to go with you, if you want, once he's back from the planning with Time and Twilight. For now, let's just do some crocheting?”

You always tried to convince him you could go alone.

This time, you voiced no opinion.

[silverbeamcreations]

When Duty Summons

A DP x DC fanfic by Silverbeam creations aka lunarmushroom on AO3

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

AUTHOR NOTE:

I'm new to tumblr and new to fanfic writing styles, so comments, hearts, theories, ideas etc, are helpful in my motivation to write more, and I super appreciate it. Any tips for how tumblr works and any fandom and writing tips are welcome as well. Thanks, and I hope you enjoy!

‐----------------------

Part 4

"peek a booooo?" murmered Danny quietly as he popped his head through another wall. DAnnys fingers tapped along the wall as he gave the room a look around. empty rusted barrels lay along one wall amidst the dust, trash, and other refuse of the abandoned building. At the obvious lack of life signs danny continued grumbling. 15 minutes into chasing down the summoning spell, all signs had vanished. Once gone he had spent the next couple hours searching the estimated area he guessed was likely a good start and then had expaneded his earch.

score 3 crack heads, 1 elderly homeless man that must have been near deaths door as he seems to sense him even though invisible along with a half dozen rats and vermin and he had come up with squat. Hed taken a break to refocus his approach and refuel. While he made a quick pb and j...a quintiple layer monstrosity for max ghost energy, he couldn't shake the flash of ghost energy he felt before the signal had dissapeared. Such an intense rage, lined with pain and perhaps deep within it a coal of fear, sparking the flames of rage. It nagged at him picking at his core.

He reached over, rolling on his bed to fumble for his phone, sandwich half eaten as he opened a familiar group chat.

Dan da dan man: sooooo little fun fact for today. You know those summoning pings Ive been getting all week? Before they were like nudges but this morning seems like they managed to get the right combo buttons as it almost pulled me in, but I have that important english paper and aint nobody got time for that. So I just said like...No? and it kinda worked except .....

Sam a Lamb sauce: Danny. WHAT. DID. YOU. DO?

Tuck Nugget: Do I need to make popcorn or prep the guns?

Sama a Lamb sauce: You don't have any guns after the last ditch and run Tucker.

Tuck Nugget: Hey baby no one can dis-ARM me of these sexies...

(Attached photo of a blurry bicep)

Dan da dan man: lol Nice one Tuck

Sam a Lamb sauce: Tucker I swear at the ancients if you start another pun war I will mail you some of my new snap dragon flowers to eat all your socks.

Tuck Nugget: Jokes on you, I gave up socks for scandalating ankles in crocs!

Sam a Lamb Sauce: Ignoring that...Danny please continue telling us what trouble you have gotten into now?

Da dan dan man: yeah that... well when I managed to slap the summons away it kinda latched onto another ghost instead?

Tuck nugget: Daaaaannnnnyyyyyy noooo....

Sam a Lamb Sauce: Can we just ignore it please?

Dan da dan man: Its just that, when I chased after it, there was this like cry? It keeps nagging at my core... It was full of intense anger but I think at the base it was covering fear and well...

Sam a lamb sauce: Your obsessions not gonna let that one go...alright what can we do to help?

Tuck Nugget: Once a hero always a hero.

Dan da dan man: well the thing is the signal disapeared and I searched like sooo many blocks full of buildings and while im gonna go back out and search more, I thought a little reearch of the area might speed things up.

Sama a lamb sauce: Deep dive into gotham cults and wacko groups. What fun.

Tuck Nugget: Im sure the Local night bats have quite the library of loony death summoning groups to purview...

Sam a Lamb Sauce: oh no you cannot go hacking the batman computer again. I do not want them on our radar.

Dan da dan man: But... they prbably have the most up to date info then what the general web would have. Im sure it will be fine,Tuckers got 1337 skillz.

Tuck nugger: (thumbs up <3 <3 <3 emoji)

Sam a Lamb Sauce: famous last words.

Dan da dan man: Im gonna head out again see if I can comb a few more blocks.

Tuck nugget: RIP your english grade

Sam a Lamb Sauce: Let's hope it's just his english this time.

[belovedblossoms]

Sooo...about the abrupt hiatus? (aka I'm kinda sorta back)

Yikes. So uh...hey guys? It's been a while, I know, been gone for months. I've been fine but just had a lot on my plate between family, planned events and other things that I was losing motivation to do some more writing (and losing attention span too). So I can't say I was really in the right mindset to hop on my laptop. I was also trying to read more and that kind of helped me push to come back and see my hand at writing again. I really was debating on just moving to a new blog but I can't find the energy for that right now to even bother. So potentially I can just really try to start anew and perhaps drop two or three characters here that weren't as active or vibing with altogether.

For those who have unfollowed me, I understand and no worries at all if you do decide to follow back or not, thank you for your time. <3 For those who still with me, thanks so much for sticking by as well! And if you'd like to continue the threads that we have or just drop them, please do let me know too. I know I still have like a lot saved in drafts but I don't want to continue if we lost the plot or anything especially if we've moved on ^^; Please note that my activity may still be spotty here when it comes to roleplaying but I do peek in now and then of what's happening through my phone app so I'm still available to reach out on the IM here. I am gonna do a bit of clean up here as much as I could figure out to do and remember what's been going on so I might be lacking or slow a little bit to get together.

[sunny6677]

HERES OPPOSITE TOM!

( OPPOSITE AU IS CREATED BY @jacenotjason )

Tom, in this AU, has very little energy and usually has no time for fooling around. She lacks motivation, and is usually bored half the time. However, she tends to daydream a lot and often daydreams of becoming a female knight for some reason because she has the unhealthy mindset of 'I don't need anyone because I'm strong and if I need anyone to help me or protect me at all then I'm weak', and liked to imagine herself as a knight because that's what she thinks she should be like. Her dynamic with Kevin is kind of reversed here too lol. He thinks they're friends at first, while Tom is just someone who always comes in to finish her work in his store since it's usually quiet enough to do that—she isn't a full on asshole to him but does find him annoying, and just calls him 'Fish Man' for a while instead of his actual name. Her job here is also something to do with art, though she's very vague about it and usually avoids mentioning her job around people. She is I incredibly poor, her favorite food is garlic bread, and she likes to solve puzzles rather than making them. She's also very intelligent in this AU, kind of witty, and is also a bit sassy. But despite acting like she takes no nonsense, she is a real softie deep down. And she's also still a babysitter here, but is usually very fed up with the more energetic kids and struggles to keep up with them. She hides most genuine things about herself as well because she finds it embarrassing or feels like no one would care anyway.

Buque (her caregiver) wasn't neglectful of her and didn't verbally mistreat her, and did mean well—but would sometimes do things she shouldn't have or snap at Tom just because she couldn't control her stress. And no matter how much Buque tries to act like this was just a mistake, this is still effecting Tom and it always will. And also the reason why Tom is so intent on being strong is because Opposite Jeremy was the very same way, so she subconsciously thinks she must be that way in order to be worth something.

Her flaws with Kevin and hers relationship here is that she usually is very intent on not depending on anyone for anything, so she pretty much avoids help from him at all costs and pretty much anyone—she always tries to help him out even if whatever happened probably isn't her responsibility to fix. Tom also doesn't repress her emotions here and IS honest about how she feels, but she feels very embarrassed anytime someone dares ask about it or tries to comfort her. She also tends to avoid Kevin in general at first just because she finds him slightly annoying, but also doesn't wanna be a bother or come off as clingy due to a certain incident in the past making her afraid to actually be clingy with other people.

I'm unsure of what Kevin's flaws would be since I didn't create this version of him (his canon versions flaws or at least his flaws toward Tom in her actual canon au are being a bit of a jerk to her at first because of his stress, kinds dismissing her emotions at first due to being too wrapped up in his own problems to notice her own and also just being so used to her being dramatic that he usually thinks her being upset is just her being a drama queen again, etc etc). But I'm sure he'd have his own too since no relationship is perfect. /lh

Will defintely make sketches of her and Opposite Kevin at some point—just not tonight cuz I'm tired lol./lh

(Also rather than being possesed, she just owns a Haunted object—aka, the rather ancient/suspicious looking journal she got from a garage sale one time)

[khrysallis]

#𝑂𝐹𝐶𝐸𝑁𝑇𝑉𝑅𝐼𝐸𝑆.  ✦ You can call me Emery ( 32 yrs old / They & Them / Based in CST ), this is an MULTI - FANDOM, MULTI - MUSE for characters from various series FEAT. Furina. Not affiliated with any sort of fandoms ( ie hoyoverse etc etc ).

All my muses are story compliant but may divert from canon when it comes to their own self & possible time between story arcs. I am not always kept up to date / terms of series lore ( mostly Hoyo lore ) or remember it so, yeah. Added on to that, due to the nature of some of my characters here, mature themes will most likely be present. Look / follow at your own risk. * USES BETA EDITOR

𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐃 ☰ 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐒 ☰ 𝐏𝐈𝐍𝐁𝐎𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐒 𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐆 𝐑𝐎𝐋𝐋: enkrateiia ( dan heng ) & gelidvs ( toshiro hitsugaya )

𝐀 𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐃𝐘 𝐈𝐍: the child that grows up too fast, the body being a vessel for 'something greater', being both the weapon & the shield + other things I'll add when I think of them.

↪ 𝘢𝘧𝘧𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘴: @aftapati / @gallantfairy, @ofluminance, @solaurous, @houyin

RULES & CREDITS UNDER THE CUT**

RULES

This blog runs off SPORADIC ACTIVITY. I work early morning hours ( like 4 or 5am ) to early afternoons / sometimes later so I end up being more of a somewhat low energy person when it comes to using my brain power. I will write when I can, when I have the motivation & energy to but I am usually always on Discord to plot / gush about things or just talk.

In addition to above, please do not rush me for replies or such. I prefer to give my partners good quality writing instead of choppy rushed writing. Sometimes I'm not at my best so replies will be slow at times. My memory however can be garbage & things slip from it a lot so I don't mind a reminder, being asked about a reply or if I perhaps forgot to like a starter etc etc. ♡

I am also MUTUALS ONLY. I do not do follow for follow, I will only follow back if I can see us writing together & enjoy what I see. Please don't push me to follow you back or that will be an instant block. In regards to that, if we are mutuals but you're just not feeling the vibe of us writing together anymore then I ask that you please block me. Do what's best for you, I understand since everyone needs to curate their space for their own comfort.

My portrayal's are my own. Do not make assumptions ( aka such as assuming fanon. ) If there are any wanted clarifications or general muse questions then feel free to ask me about them & I'll answer the best I can. In addition to this, most of my muses are canon compliant in terms of personality / story happenings but I do tend to write headcanons here & there that either dig in deeper OR dispute things for my portrayal. Most of my HC's are linked on the bios in my carrd.

In addition to the above, I am duplicate friendly but I will most likely not follow muses of the same first unless they have a duplicate rule as well. I'm open to twin verses if plotted ( this varies as well )or younger self / older self interactions because I just think the second one is a neat idea.

Writing wise overall. I try to answer most asks that are given to me but sometimes if I can't conjure up a proper response / just am not feeling it then I will delete it. This is nothing against anyone personally, I don't like forcing my writing or giving poor quality replies. If you don't feel a thread, a starter I wrote OR something we are developing, please just tell me. We can restart something new or work things out some other way. I have no hard feelings in regards to this because sometimes what our muse wants / what we want or feel changes.

Some muses of mine will be mostly if not fully iconless due to lack of material for current appearances or appearances at all ( mostly Momo Hinamori ). I don't care whether you do or don't use icons.

I am mainly plot driven as a blog. I prefer to plot interactions out when it comes to threads or just character relations in general since winging it usually doesn't work all that much for me or tends to die off easier. I don't expect extensive plotting into a whole thread plan but I do prefer some kind of base to go off of, it really helps me in the long run. I don't mind random asks or unprompted asks overall however.

No godmodding, don't control my muse in your replies & please please communicate with me. While I am fine with naturally emerging plot developments, I do require big events ( character death, breakups, etc ) to have been discussed previously. I would also like to be kept in the loop when it comes to any character choices that will, if we have an ongoing dynamic, affect our interactions.

I am crossover friendly! I usually prefer it from material I am familiar with but I am always willing to dive into the unknown if I am given something to go off or able to use in order to research on my own.

I don't practice exclusives here but I do practice affiliates / mains for specific muses that are integral to my own muse, I will accept up to 2 mains since portrayals differ + possible au connections. My main rule about this is that I will only romantic ship with one muse of a certain character ( aka ship exclusive ). Each ship will be in it's own verse.

If you ever are interested in exploring any sort of dynamic, feel free to hit me up in dms about it. I love being able to build things with other people but how things go will depend as well on my muses, they are not likely to engage into romantic relationships on a whim. Any ship would need to be developed and plotted. Your muse is welcome to have a crush on any of my muses, but those feelings may end up being unrequited. Please do not guilt trip me about this.

In regards to the above as well, some of my writing is done on Discord. I write both there as well as on Tumblr so sometimes the develop here will not overall always reflect it properly since some is done elsewhere. On that note, if you ever want to write on Discord then I am happy to do so! :)

NSFW may occur here, whether it's in term of mature content or sexual nature. I generally prefer to write nsfw things privately but am open to writing it here. It'll usually occur under a read more if so ( sexual things of the nature ) or tagged with the appropriate trigger warning. I usually will tag it as: / nsfw.

DNI if you hold any sort of bigotry + all the other usual ones. Trump supporters are not welcome here in any way, shape or form. If you find I'm interacting with anyone problematic, feel free to privately tell me. I don't keep up with the happenings here a lot of the time because of personal life.

CREDITS

Graphics on this blog have all either been made by myself, bought from OR commissioned from the following people: poetryrph, cerberuscomms, floragfx, lavenderph, ennakros, project-e2, aftapati, briarph, atelierph, dior, underesources, aedearly.

Color psd's used here are from the following people: praysia, virtuousa, neorph,

Blank icons cropped by myself + other lovely people: sakuracommissions, the-void-archives, ask-kurusu-syo, lilac-roleplay-starters, jellyabs, dresspheres, ghostrph, lyrieuxsicons, rpiconblogxkitten, kingsgraveicons, dresspheres.

[rinfiorarara]

Motivation is always a fickle thing

AKA one of my experiments on how to motivate yourself to finish writing a fic?

I started writing the fic in 2019, posted the fic in November. Stopped posting it in 2020. It is now 2024.

I have a clear, decisive end in mind. I have plenty of notes, both in a physical pen and paper notebook and the ones I typed on the computer.

I still find it a challenge to finish the story. And I know it is never the lack of willpower (it never is).

For me personally, my challenge has been both the complexity of the story, and learning about how I work with myself, instead of against. Following arbitrary schedules, for me, no matter how strategic they are, would not work.

(Fanfic writers often joke about daydreaming about the fic instead of actually writing it. For me, it is no joke😂😭)

It has been like this for me not just in terms of writing fics, but in other areas of my life as well, such as work.

And I have long known I could never rely on motivation. It is such a fickle thing.

One wise man said, build a habit, so you don't rely on motivations.

I agree with this notion, to an extent.

It has worked for me in one area, but not another. There isn't a one solution fits all, after all.

But in a world that speaks loudly about how consistency is key, advocates repetition to instill habits, and ultimately praising efficiency of an automated process (even when it is our own brain), I forgot the very reason why I write.

I assign less and less importance on motivations.

After all, sparks of joy, sudden bursts of energy, light-bulb moments of inspirations, are unexpected, unpredictable, and therefore, unreliable, aren't they?

Even though the very reason I write was the pure joy of thinking up a story, cooking up plots and scenes. That lightbulb moment in the shower! Or specific moments during daydreaming that I ended up including in my fic.

Things that are difficult to find if it is an automated process, for established habit.

No wonder we are all burnt out and spent.

We are all so focused on achieving, doing, and in the process, forgetting why it is worth achieving.

Hmm.

I actually just wanted to post a few pics I took.

I tried to write a caption so it has some context.

Why did it become such a long post? 😭😂

(look at the tiny clay kitties!!!!)

It feels a little bit silly.

I could just log into AO3 and re-read them. No big deal. Why go through the hassle?

But I'd like to think it would be worth the "hassle".

It is a process of cultivating joy🌱

The story, the ideas you've cooked up in your mind years ago - if it doesn't excite you as much as it used to - that's normal. Our brain is built to get used to things, after all.

(even when it saddens me to admit that it doesn't excite me as much as it used to).

It does not mean that it has to be an automated process, simply done out of habit, or done because it is scheduled into a calendar.

Sudden bursts of energy, light-bulb moments of inspirations, are unexpected, unpredictable, but they have always been reliable in igniting desire - the soul of creativity itself.

The so-called motivations. Elusive and mysterious.

Quite troublesome!

In my case, since I have been working on this fic all by myself, it could get severely understimulating.

One of the things that have greatly helped is shifting my perspective to see that in fact, I'm not entirely alone. (Especially since parts of the story has been posted and received by people).

Of course I know there are people who read the story. I still get the occasional kudos from time to time (thank you!!).

But even if fanfic writers say they read and re-read comments, it's not like we open our phones everyday to do it. Not when we have whatsapp to respond to, newsfeed to scroll, genshin to play, and social media accounts to stalk.

It's quite common for a hundred people to click on your story and only one person might leave you kind words.

But that one person could have brightened your entire day! Even when you came back to their comment the next day, it still managed to leave you smiling.

Life goes on the following day though, and as time went on, you forgot about those kind words.

I, too, forgot. Even though I clearly received more than one.

So, in an effort to keep the desire alive, to fill my space with the little joys, to cultivate motivations, and all in all trying to write -- I made them just a little bit more physical.

.

(the fic)

[catchingbigfish]

writing plans for the rest of 2023

aka, yet another accountability post i'll laugh at in a few months when i realize how off track my plans have gone again

i am freakishly close to done with the first draft of Conversion; i'm at 57k words as of right this very second, and i'm trying very hard to not go past 90k words on the first draft (even though i think it could edge closer to 120k if i let go with full reckless abandon), and really, my target is to make it a tight 80-85k words. plus, my weekend plans to swap my office and bedroom (who the fuck decided the largest room should be the place you sleep?? that makes no sense!) have been thwarted by my fiance getting sick again, so if i run another few 4-5k days in a row? i might knock this out within the week.

on top of that, i'm enrolled in julia inglis's new shadow doll course (it's a shameless indulgence of mine) which starts august first, so it seems like the prime time to consider exactly how i plan to spend late summer/early fall and nanowrimo this year. here's my current plan:

finish the first draft of Conversion by July 31. this seems very doable so far, unless i really do let go and indulge in all those side conversations and small subplots boiling around in my brain.

spend all of august really delving into the shadow doll course, giving my brain a serious break from writing, and channel all that energy into other types of creativity. this also seems doable, but there's a chance i'll be forced onto a business trip in late august. if that's the case, it'll probably be three or four days, and i'll go ahead and do my first read-through of conversion on the trip. (i read So It Goes way too early and i realize that now -- i have to find a way to force myself to give it at least three weeks before i read through Conversion.)

spend september working on a developmental, high-level, birds-eye-view revision of the first draft of Conversion. if all goes according to plan, i'll use the first few weeks to draft new character sketches and go back to tidy up any mischaracterizations from the characters developing along the drafting process, tighten plot points that i think are dragging, and do a new zero draft based on the first draft plus any new additions i think are necessary, then spend the last few weeks doing the actual drafting for any new scenes i need (and hopefully, for the love of god, creating actual chapter breaks in there). this also seems doable.

get Conversion ready for alpha-readers and zero draft the sort-of-sequel Apostate (👀) in october. yeah i'm basically fully committed to this idea now, lol. the working title is Apostate because i'm terrible at titles and i think it's a fun counterpoint to the title Conversion. i've realized my original cult fiction concept works unreasonably well as a follow up to Conversion (and that's one of the two reasons the ending changed so dramatically), so i'm going for it. i'm not confident i can do this all in october, but i'd love to do nanowrimo again this year and draft Apostate during the month, so this is like my stretch goal. also, i'm not comfortable calling it beta reading just yet, but i'm hoping to get Conversion to a point where i can hand it off to some people who can tell me if it's working, where things are lacking, and any glaring issues i can't see because i'm too close it. (if all goes according to plan, i hope to make a call for alpha readers in early october and have the draft handed over by november so i can force myself to only work on Apostate that month! i wouldn't expect readers to actually dive in until after november, since most likely, they'll be doing nano too -- but it's just the best way to motivate myself). this is definitely the goal i see most likely to fall off track.

spend november drafting Apostate. again, the entire concept of writing Apostate is definitely the weakest link in my plans, but it would be so nice to do!

take december off. seriously, if i actually do this in the way i want, i will need *so* much of a break it's unreal.

[ladystardustinblackjeans]

Yes overeating exists and it's not good for you to eat (especially way) over what your body can comfortably digest and use. Yes weight can have an impact on mobility which is bad (because of the lack of mobility negatively impacting your joy in life and independence). Yes movement and amount of food can influence your body composition to a degree, and changing your lifestyle long term often changes your body composition. Otherwise weight lifting or tennis elbow or starving to death wouldn't work for example.

But neither of these disprove the facts that fatphobia is nonsensical, unhealthy and bigoted, that a low weight doesn't cause health, that not eating enough to provide nutrition to your body just so you weigh less is unhealthy and harmful and nonsensical. That we don't have a problem with eating too calory dense food, that weight is a trend cycle, that medical fatphobia is falsifies statistics on how weight impacts heath, that wide swaths of the western* population have eating disorders. That hating yourself for not being thin enough makes your life worse and won't make you healthier, nor give you more inherent worth.

* i don't have enough knowledge on eating habits and attitudes around weight to speak for more regions of the world and i at least want to avoid to generalise.

It makes me devastatingly sad and frustrated and bewildered how people display literal indoctrination complete with detachment from reality and facts and logical thought when it comes to weight and nutrition.

"but i weighed 5kg less a few years ago" And????? And???????? Does it negatively impact you in your mobility? Does it lessen your inherent worth as a person? Does it change you fundamentally as a person?

Yes i know about the negative impact of fatphobia, that's not what I'm trying to address with this.

And it not only plagues people who are considered overweight and who have an obvious motivation through violent fatphobia enacted against them by society in various ways. Most people considered thin enough are wildly fatphobic against themselves, it just doesn't get triggered as much from society. Many of these people still diet and hate themselves for their weight, and tie their inherent worth as a person to the happenstance that they are currently considered thin. It never fucking ends.

"but i need to make sure i don't eat too much of this or that" The only thing you need to do to fulfill the purpose of nutrition is to eat enough of all macro and micro nutrients to fuel what your body needs, and don't go snacking on the lead paint and salmonella. The other aspect of eating is social connection and enjoyment and you should probably fulfill those too to if you want to add some joys to your life.

There is some studies on ozempic (aka semaglutide) (and they are probably true) that it can lessen the inflammation and stress in your body because it tells your body that you are full and have the nutrients you need and aren't worried about not having enough food. And i can't help but think that eating so you are full and have the nutrients you need (including fat, including carbs) and making sure your body knows you have enough food by consistently eating enough to fuel your body (with enough energy at that) might have the same effect. Just a wild idea though.

[Disclaimer: no i don't think that eating (whatever way) causes diabetes of any type (although a couple principles can affect your blood sugar to a degree). Yes i am aware that semaglutide and co. are used in diabetes treatment, and i neither think that diabetes shouldn't be treated with medication nor that specifically these medications are useless or should be replaced by "lifestyle changes" (heavy derisive tone on that term)]

End words: Before you respond to this post please make sure you have read the words i have written, and then processed those in your brain. I am aware that the topic "weight and nutrition" often leads to people turning off their brains and responding to keywords with preformed phrases.

I encourage everyone reading this to look up some of the ways the macro and micro nutrients get used in your body. Did you for example know that fat is the main ingredient in the protective and supportive coating of your nerves?

[ssivinee]

❥ 𝙻𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚜𝚑 𝙻𝚒𝚚𝚞𝚘𝚛

Aespa! Karina aka Yoo Jimin x F reader: After a fantastic night at the Siren nightclub, Y/n's next shift turns into a frustrating ordeal as her bad luck seems to continue throughout the night. Despite the chaos, a surprise visit from a certain idol offers a bright spot in the evening. Her genuine interest leads to an unexpected and hopeful turn in Y/n's night.

Word Count: 3.4 k

Author's Note: Well, this felt a bit rushed, ngl BUT I wanted to pump out another fic since I've been gone for so long. I'll make more masterlists but I wanted more fics out before i do that. AS PER MY GIRLFRIENDS REQUEST, I'll probably be working on Mai from IZNA. But while I do that my reqs are open rn, so don't be afraid to ask for something or just to chat please!

Loving your job was an understatement. Working at the Siren nightclub for the past three years has given you a bunch of new friendships, evolving skills, and endless excitement. The bouncy energy of the place never fails to keep you alive, making each night a unique adventure.

The night prior, the club buzzed like usual as the staff gathered for a meeting with the boss. The air was hyped, knowing that the night shift usually had the most energy out of all the staff. Your boss, a man with a weird love for motivational speeches, stood at the center of the group, flailing his hands as he spoke.

"Ladies and gents," he began, his voice cutting through the low hum of whispered conversations, "our business is booming. But we can't rest on our achievements right now. There's always room for improvement." The Siren wasn’t just a job; it was a second home, a place where you poured your heart and soul into every shift.

As the meeting wrapped up, you felt ready to go, changing into your scarlet red top and clipping your name tag on. Serving customers at the establishment was always a blast. The regulars, with their easygoing and outgoing personalities, kept your shifts eventful, as if you were handing out drinks to a group of your old-time friends every night. It often felt like you were part of a flirtatious game show, with witty banter and playful exchanges keeping you on your toes.

The night was in full swing when you found yourself behind the bar, the neon lights casting a variation of colors across the room. A customer with vibrant pink hair staggered up to the counter, her eyes glassy from one too many drinks. She leaned in, her voice slurring as she spoke.

“You come around here often, huh?” she asked, her words tumbling over each other in a tipsy jumble. You couldn't help but chuckle at her drunken attempt at flirting. “Uh, yeah? Cause I work here?” you replied, pure amusement in your tone.

Another familiar face appeared a few minutes after her. Iseul, a regular with short brunette hair, leaned on the counter. She was evidently trying to push her cleavage forward, hoping to catch your eye. “Have I told you how pretty you look today, Y/n?” she asked, her voice dripping with exaggerated sweetness.

You laughed, shaking your head. “Yes, Iseul, you have. About ten times, in fact.”

Nearby, a blonde woman, clearly worse for wear after four hours of partying, tried to stand up straight. “Trust me, I'm not drunk,” she insisted, her words lacking conviction. You tried helping her sit back in her seat, firmly sitting her down, and placed a glass of ice-cold water in front of her.

“Yes, you are, ma’am,” you replied, tone patient yet firm.

She shook her head furiously, only to make herself dizzier. “You just intoxicate me,” she declared, her attempt at flirtation endearing in its clumsiness.

These interactions never failed to amuse you. The same women who flirted with you in their inebriated state would always come in sober and composed, their proper demeanor starkly contrasting to their playful-drunk selves. The comparison always made you chuckle, a reminder of alcohol being such a powerful thing.

That night wore on, and the club kept going with life. Music pounded through the speakers, a hypnotic beat that drew people to the dance floor. The bar was full of activity, with drinks being mixed and constantly served by three bartenders behind the bar. 

As you handed a cocktail to a waiting patron, you noticed a group of newcomers entering the club. They seemed to be on the younger side. Their attire, hair, and loud energy gave you a glimpse of what was to come from them. One of them, a shorter woman with doll-like features, seemed the calmest of the six girls who walked in. She sauntered up to the bar, her gaze locking onto yours with a hint of curiosity.

“What's your specialty?” she asked, her voice smooth and confident, contradicting her looks. She seemed to want to make a move, but you were extremely cautious with how young she looked.

You smiled, and she leaned slightly forward. “Depends on what you're in the mood for,” you replied, your tone inviting.

She considered this momentarily before her lips curved into a mischievous smile. “Surprise me.”

You gave her a kurt nod and began crafting a drink that was as intriguing as she was. As you worked, you could feel her eyes on you, as if she wanted to elongate the interaction. When you finally handed her the finished cocktail, she took a sip, her expression one of pleasant surprise.

“This is amazing,” she said, her eyes meeting yours in approval.

“Glad you like it,” you replied, a sense of satisfaction warming you from within.

As the final hours of your shift approached, you found yourself reflecting on the evening's events. The flirtatious exchanges, the thrill of crafting the perfect drink—all of it culminated in a deep sense of fulfillment. 

By the time the last patrons had filtered out and the lights dimmed, you were exhausted but content. 

Well... that was last night, and now you find yourself extremely irritated at 10 pm because of everything that just occurred in the past four hours. It was now the next day, and everything and everyone seemed to get on your nerves. The night before had been such a contrast to how this shift was shaping up.

Walking into the Siren at 7 pm, you were feeling somewhat under the weather due to a migraine that had been coming and going throughout the day. But before you could even clock in, you realized your bad luck was only beginning.

A stumbling drunk customer, barely able to hold his drink, bumped into you, sending a full glass of Paloma crashing onto your chest. The strong smell of lime and grapefruit clung to your clothes, and you could already feel the sticky liquid seeping through the fabric of your beige shirt… which was just newly washed, so you were feeling great.

Note the sarcasm.

“Seriously?” you muttered under your breath, trying to keep your cool. The customer mumbled an apology, but despite being annoyed to acknowledge it, you shook your head softly following your words, “no worries”. You rushed to the staff room, grabbing your scarlet uniform. Changing quickly, you hoped the rest of the night would improve, but that was too simple to ask for.

Just as you finished buttoning up your clean shirt, your boss walked in, his expression unusually serious. “Hey, Y/n, got a minute?” he asked, his tone making you wary.

“Sure, what’s up?” you replied, trying to sound casual despite your irritation.

“I need you to train three new employees for the morning shifts. They start in two days,” he said, dropping the bombshell without any warning.

Your jaw dropped. “Wait, what? But there's already a lead bartender for the morning shifts. Why me? Also, Doyun, don't think that I'm being disrespectful to you, okay? But three new people would be a lot on my plate.”

He shrugged, looking apologetic but firm. “We need someone experienced, and you're the best we've got. You know Ilsung just became the lead about two months ago. Just do it, okay? I’ll give you extra these days if it makes you feel better.”

Frankly… that didn’t make you feel better at all. Frustration bubbled up inside you. Training one new person was manageable, but three? And for the morning shifts, no less. You could already feel the extra work piling onto your shoulders. You nodded stiffly, knowing there was no point in arguing.

You even tried heading out to the bar just for a few minutes of peace, hoping to calm down before you could continue your long shift. But the customers tonight seemed to be testing your patience. They were needier than usual, constantly waving you over for refills, complaints, and special requests.

One lady demanded her drink be remade three times, insisting it wasn’t mixed right… when it was literally just a Margarita. Another kept trying to flirt with you, ignoring your polite but firm rejections as you weren’t in the mood tonight.

“Can I get some actual service here?” one woman snapped, tapping her empty glass on the counter. You forced a smile, biting back a retort as you took her glass to refill it.

“Helloooooo? I’ve been trying to get your attention for a good five minutes now!” the other lady practically barks at you and your three coworkers. Yet you didn’t even see her standing there for any longer than a minute. “I’m so sorry for the wait, ma’am. What would you like tonight?”

She scoffed and your friendly tone, “Three Negroni’s.” You simply begin making the drinks, “wanna start a tab?”

“No shit, I wanna start a tab. That’s three drinks right there,” okay, rude. You try your best not to roll your eyes, and once you are done serving and taking her credit card, you pass it to your other coworker, “This Yu Jihye lady. Take her for the night, please. I can’t handle her right now.” Your coworker nods, feeling bad from hearing your tired tone.

As the night dragged on, your irritation grew. Every spilled drink, every rude comment, every demanding customer chipped away at your patience. The lively atmosphere that usually energized you now felt suffocating. You couldn't wait for your shift to end.

In a rare lull, you leaned against the bar, trying to catch your breath. Your coworker, Mari, sidled up next to you, her expression sympathetic. “Rough night, huh?”

“You have no idea,” you sighed. “First, I get drenched in Paloma, then I find out I have to train three new people for morning shifts, and the customers tonight are driving me insane.”

Mari winced. “Yikes. That’s a lot to deal with. Want me to take over for a bit?”

You shook your head, appreciating the offer but knowing you had to push through. “Thanks, but I’ll manage. Just needed a moment.”

With a deep breath, you straightened up and returned to the fray. The bar continued to buzz with activity, the energy of the place almost overwhelming. Then, a group of women walked in, immediately drawing attention with their presence. You recognized them from their music videos—Aespa. They were in town, and NingNing had mentioned this place to them.

Siren was also quite known for having female idols to chill at, and they wouldn’t be bombarded with fans. This is usually why the prices were high at the establishment.

Karina led the group, her black hair styled in a chic wolf cut that framed her face perfectly. She wore a casual yet classy outfit that radiated confidence.

They approached the bar, chatting excitedly. As they drew closer, Karina noticed you talking to Mari, clearly frustrated. Her gaze lingered on you, curiosity evident in her eyes.

“Hey, can we get some drinks to start?” NingNing asked, smiling brightly.

You took a deep breath, trying to shake off the frustration. “Of course,” you replied, putting on your best smile. “What can I get for you?”

As they placed their orders, Karina watched you closely. She didn’t particularly know why she observed you so much. Yes, you were attractive, but she also worked in an industry full of attractive faces.

You felt a strange sense of calm wash over you as you prepared their drinks, focusing on the task at hand. When you handed them their drinks, Karina’s eyes met yours, and she smiled.

“Thanks,” she said, her voice soft but clear. “Rough night?”

You let out a heavy sigh before responding. “You could say that,” you admitted, managing a genuine smile. “It’s nice to see some new faces, though.”

Karina’s smile widened, and she nodded. “First time here. NingNing’s friend recommended it.”

“I could tell. Well, welcome to the Siren,” you said, your mood lifting slightly. “Hope you have a great time.”

They moved to a table, but you couldn’t shake the feeling of Karina’s eyes on you. As the night went on, she returned to the bar for another drink. “Back for more?” you asked, trying to keep your tone light.

Karina leaned against the bar, her casual yet classy outfit making her look effortlessly stunning. “Yeah, just wanted to chat a bit. You seem interesting.”

You chuckled, feeling a bit out of character as a nervous energy crept in. “Interesting, huh? That’s a first.” She laughed, a sound that felt like music to your ears. “So, what’s it like working here?” 

“Usually, it's amazing. The interactions are fun, watching everyone mingle and getting to know everyone.”

“But tonight is just one of those nights, huh?” She points out, and you nod tiredly. “Quite observant of you,” you joke, and she smiles a little. “It's kind of my role to take care of my members, and I guess it's an instinct thing at this point.”

You hand another customer their drink and begin making another round of her own. “You said you could tell we're new here? Do you know all the customers?”

“Pretty much, but it seems like there are a bunch of new faces today. Besides, how could I ever forget Aespa and their gorgeous leader?” You unconsciously slip in ‘gorgeous’ and don’t realize until you see Karina’s dangerous, intimidating stare. “Well, aren't you quite the charmer?”

You smile, are a genuine one-for-one, and keep chatting. You found yourself opening up, talking about the ups and downs of the job, the interesting characters you met, and the occasional chaos. Karina listened intently, her eyes never leaving yours. There was something genuine in her interest that made you feel comfortable, something you hadn’t felt with anyone else before.

After a couple of drinks and an easy conversation, the night was winding down. You glanced at the clock, realizing your shift was almost over. “Wanna have a few more drinks in, like, ten minutes? I’ll be off the clock by then.”

Karina looks over at the dance floor and sees the girls mingling and dancing. She chuckled a little before turning back to you. “That would be nice.”

You finished up your last few customers for the night and it was already 3 am. You’d think there’d be less people by then, but the girls of Aespa being at the club spread like wildfire, so many more people came. 

You exit the backroom, now changed into a plain black baby tee and a simple leather jacket. When Karina saw the new attire, she couldn’t help but check you out. You were already hot with the uniform on, but this took it to the next level. For some reason, despite the loud music, it felt like Karina could hear the stomps of your boots, probably from looking too hard.

“Now, where were we?” You asked her, seemingly more relaxed than the last few hours. “Well, take a seat, and let me order you a drink since it seems like all these new customers are our fault.”

“Oh well, I won't say no to a free drink from you,” you say, taking a seat beside her as she waves Mari down. “Uhm, what would you like?” Karina asks you, and you begin to think. “Order what you think I’ll like.”

“Shit. That’s kinda hard,” Karina mumbles, but you hear it loud and clear, making you laugh. “Then a glass of Lasso, neat, please?” the questionable tone made you laugh even harder. “Lucky for you, I love whiskey, and I love it neat.”

Mira hands you the glass, and you raise it to her as thanks. “Cheers?” you asked Karina, not putting your glass down as she willingly clung to yours. “I figured working at a place like this AND with how hardcore you look, that would’ve been the perfect choice.”

You guys chatted for another hour, and the air and chats felt endless despite knowing each other for a few hours. Karina loved your company for some reason, and she felt the urge to know more about you since this didn’t feel enough for her.

Karina seemed to hold her alcohol pretty well, but she began to giggle so much.  “You feeling okay?” You ask, a tinge of concern in your voice, but Karina just smiles as your features look much softer than the anger from earlier. “I am. It’s just nice to talk to someone who feels the same exhaustion as I do but isn’t an idol, I guess,” more giggles followed her words.

Gathering your courage, you decided to take a leap. “Hey, Karina,” you began, your voice slightly shaky. “I know this might be forward, but would you like to go out sometime? Maybe grab dinner or something?”

Karina’s eyes widened in surprise, but a smile quickly spread across her face. “I’d love that,” she replied. “Here’s my number. Text me when you’re free.”

You took her number, feeling a mix of relief and excitement. As she rejoined her friends, you couldn’t help but smile to yourself. Despite the rough start, the night had taken an unexpectedly wonderful turn.

You stepped out into the cool night air, your earlier frustrations forgotten. Tomorrow was another day, and you had something to look forward to. The Siren nightclub had its ups and downs, but again, it gave you a chance at something new and exciting. And you couldn’t wait for the next night you’d meet up with the beauty.

Note: As I said last time, feel free to send kpop reqs, and random anons for a good chat, or just lmk if you wanna be on the future tag lists!

[anagramtransitory]

1.I’m just afraid as always of being called simple or predictable because of my warmth and my kindness and my strength and my energy. It’s the worst feeling when that happens, as it often does. They’re simple misunderstandings and understandable misappropriations of suspected motivation(s) in another person. But they do hurt because it’s me and I want to be understood immediately and completely by all people always. Which not only never comes close to happening, but which insists on happening with people who’ve known and observed me for years, and who still barely seem to know me at all or still have me all wrong in the opposite direction(s) from reality. And I know myself pretty well, both as animal and mind, and I know what’s obvious pretty well, so I know when people should be able to infer and visibly see things, and when they’re more complex to understand and recognize. And I know that very often almost everyone doesn’t even try to see the obvious, for whatever reasons they have. And those reasons tend to be cynical ideas. At least, that’s what I’m guessing, maybe falsely, back at them, in a false-understanding, ridiculous, self-escalating unchecked-by-communication-or-by-rethinking, dually-made, “mutual misunderstanding of the other ping pong match”. But I feel like. I feel like it’s not that hard to reasonably guess that the reason people refuse to see me for myself is because they’re blinded by thoughts and ideas they have that don’t allow for the ideas I embody to truly exist in the way that they do, right in front of them, and right in front of them inside me even when I’m not in front of them acting them out in specific contexts. That they’re non-context-specific, general ideas I embody and apply to my entire existence because I believe in them and also crucially because /I choose those ideas continuously./ I, specifically, go out of my way and choose, specifically, those “cynicism-unharmonious”, and unusual, and non-utilitarian, and unhelpful-to-oneself/one’s-survival, and collectivist, and unnecessary, and un-called-for, and apparently random, and deeply complex/deeply personal, and highly understood, and thought about in detail and with intense emotion for years, if not merely for multiple days, in a row, beforehand, ideas. I choose specifically those ideas that are all of those things at once, usually. Pretty much all of my ideas and my behaviors are like that. At least, the ones I’d say reflect me as a person and as a personality to predict things about and to understand. Rather than things that are just, like, problems, quirks, or uniquenesses, which clearly aren’t good and don’t appear to be examples of thought feeling and planning but rather absences of all 3 due to lack of functionality or lack of caring/prioritizing those things in my own mind. Things like my lateness, my speeding, my dui, my lack of accomplishment, my stuttering, my silence, my inclination towards sharing interesting information I’ve learned rather than personal facts about myself and my life, both of which are obviously troubled. Or should be, if the obvious is obvious, which it barely is. So yeah. I’d say it’s fair to say I can reasonably guess that it would take some serious near-universal-application-cynical-philosophy of some kind to make people apparently refuse to see the reality right in front of their face for what it is, aka the realities of the ideas that make up my personality and my existence in life as a whole pretty generally and without fluctuation and without changing my mind. Even as a person who changes their mind more than like, everybody, and is totally willing to, no matter what the cost is, if I think the truth demands it and the benefit to society and myself is worth it in the long run. No matter what the new ideas are, or how much they hurt me or I don’t want to agree or see or think about them. They’re true, and good (good for people/the world ultimately in the long run), so they’re my ideas, even if they’re just lists of ways I can’t be happy, and the reasons why that never fail to be true and underlying.

[mintyvoid]

so i bought and have now recived my anti planner, and while i imagine a bunch of the tools wont do anything- im hoping something helps. And ill try to speak up if anything does.

For some context i suppose if you dont regularly read my depressed rants, i was diagnosised autistic in 2020 but had been in therapy on and off since 2010 for anxiety and depression. I found a majority of resources not helpful or treading over ground ive already done years into- when I started researching 'okay so im autistic what the fuck do i do now, how do i get better'.

(I just keep ranting how shit doesnt seem to want to work for me below)

Most likely cause of all the years ive done work on myself, i am very self aware and quite good at communicating how im feeling. But found that none of the tools I learned helped long term or even enough to better my quality of life(now knowing this was because all those tools help people without a neuro disability, they simply were never going to work).

I've also found that a lot of the resources out there, include this book, are catered towards those with adhd, which while having a lot of simularities to autism- they are not the same. And though I had previously thought i was adhd, im like pretty sure this isnt the case(like in terms of a duo adhd n autism diag). So a lot of the stuff i end up finding /also/ doesn't work.

Though i cant reaally tell if its due to the autism or depression. A good example is the 'trick your brain' angle i see abundantly. To do things like 'set a timer to create a deadline or force panic' or similar time constrainted things simply dont work. I can feel incredible stress to complete something from a deadline or disappointed friend or angry manager and it do little to nothing to motivate me to do the actual thing. If i dont want to do something(or even if i want to do something but my brain for whatever reason doesnt let me), it doesnt happen- concequnce be damned.

I can break tasks into smaller chunks for days, but if i cant get up or move my arm to start said small task then it doesnt really matter does it? The one thing i can do is organize lol, but its the one thing that i see the most as advice- which is totally understandable as its not something taught so a majority would lack the skill. I was really lucky to seek help when i did and to then get actually good advice. It's probs been the only moment where help and support did actually help my quality of life.

Most likely I wont see any improvement in my life till I either go back therapy(actually find someone who can help someone like me, probs needs to be on meds again too) or can afford to create an environment thats supportive of my needs...or more than likely a combo of the two lol. Neither of which i see happening as both need money and i cant work nor get much from my disability program and cant work enough on online stuff to make that my income.

As an aside, i do know that many if not most, have it worse than i do. And i often feel that i simply cant complain about my own situation because im have a loving family that supports me as much as they can, im no where near homelessness, im not bipoc or a trans person, i could technically work but i would only be able to just work(aka id have to give up doing what i ant for a living and went to school for and actually am passionate about, and honestly typical work stresses and sucks so much energy out of me ugh id probs just burn out again n quit). I dont feel i can ask for money or support when there are others i feel need it way more than i do.

And i absolutely hate that what i have isnt enough, and that fact is also why i feel i cant vent. Srry this kinda went off the deep end.

[drwcn]

krysaniar: Hi there I hope that you are well....... Will it be too much to hope for even a snipped in Discordance???

Yes! I really want to finish Discordance some day, and this gave me motivation to write it for the first time in... forever!

A fun and minimal angst snippet! This can be seen as the beginning of the next chapter (aka chap 8). Ch1-7 are on AO3

----

Into the second month of the year, Wei Wuxian's patience finally snaps.

On a snowy February morning, on a day of rest when the disciples are free to go about their private business, enjoy their leisure, Wei Wuxian seeks out Lan Wangji at jingshi, and in thinking them firm friends, unloads his woes on him all at once.

It's been five months since his wedding night, and Wei Wuxian is still - for the lack of a better word - a virgin.

"Lan Zhan why won't your brother sleep with me??" He claims, hands thrown up in the air, pacing back and forth in frustration, "Does he not think I'm attractive enough? Is that it?! I mean sure Zewu-jun is the most handsome of our generation but I'm not ugly…am I, Lan Zhan?" He pauses, twisting around to give his friend a wounded look.

Lan Wangji stares at him in silence, his neutral expression unreadable, but the gods know he is utterly petrified by this line of questioning. Wei Wuxian sighs, shoulders drooping in defeat. Dropping down across the table from the other man, he leans forward to gaze at him with baleful eyes and asks,

“I don’t understand why he won’t sleep with me, Lan Zhan! It’s been months since the wedding! Look here, be straight with me Lan Zhan." Wei Wuxian reaches across the table to take his wrist and implores with desperation and honesty and not a single clue of the turmoil he is creating. "I’m attractive, right? Pretty, one could even say? If you were my husband, you’d want to sleep with me, right?!”

Frozen, Lan Wangji is unable to respond, because what can he say?

That he dreams of it every night and is tormented by the very idea Wei Ying is now carelessly but innocently proposing, that he grows gracelessly jealous every time Lan Xichen so much as breathes in Wei Ying's general direction, and then - most ironically - angry when his brother doesn't do more.

But how can he tell Wei Ying this?

He remembers the night of his birthday, and the enchanted lights dancing like stars upon the snow. The talisman had lasted a full stick of essence of time; firebugs and butterflies made out of Wei Ying's golden spiritual energy lit the night aglow.

Cloud Recesses after dark was cold, but the plum cider had been warm and sweet in Lan Wangji's belly. On the porch of Jingshi, Wei Wuxian had huddled up against his side for warmth, his gaze hazy with exhaustion and alcohol. He had turned up his face from where his head had rested against Lan Wangji's shoulders and blinked at his companion, so unfairly endearing and oblivious about his own beauty.

"What should I do, Lan Zhan?"

Lan Wangji had taken a moment longer to answer, unable to look away. "I think Wei Ying should do what makes Wei Ying happy. Your happiness, that is what is important."

"Lan Zhan is so wise." Wei Ying had grinned at him, bright as the morning sun at midnight. He had shifted his head again, nudging Lan Wangji in the shoulder until he found a comfortable position, and then closed his eyes. "Whoever Lan Zhan loves must be very lucky indeed."

Lan Wangji does not consider himself lucky. What fortune is there to be found in a life resigned to the sideline, watching the man you love, love another? Because no matter what shameful dreams he has when he closes his eyes each night, none of it will ever come to fruition. Between the two of them, Wei Ying is the only one who still stands a chance to be happy, even if it means that happiness is found in the arms of Lan Xichen. If that is what would make Wei Ying happy, Lan Wangji will help him achieve that end no matter his own feelings. Besides, it's already too late for him - Wei Ying could never be his.

Lan Wangji extracts his hand from Wei Wuxian's hold and repeats his earlier statement. "Do what makes you happy, Wei Ying. If it is…xiongzhang's attention you desire, I…can try to help."

Wei Wuxian blinks in surprise. "That…" Then his innocent face breaks into a grin. "That's great, Lan Zhan! You know your brother the best. You must know what he likes and dislikes. So…how do you suppose I go about seducing Zewu-jun?"

Well for one, maybe stop calling him Zewu-jun. Lan Wangji wants to say, but holds his tongue. In truth he has no idea how exactly one goes about acquiring the attention of one's objective of affection. If he does, well he wouldn't exactly be stuck in his current predicament, now would he? He would have his Wei Ying in his lap, or in his bed, or on his floor, or on any available surface, providing him with all the carnal pleasure in the world…

…which, alright, so he doesn't exactly know how one goes about pleasing one's love physically, but he's sure he could read about it and find out. There must be resources on this stuff right? Or do everyone else just figure it out naturally?

Lan Wangji mentally shakes himself. Heavens… what exactly is he thinking?! His thoughts are rapidly devolving into fantasies these days, and his fantasies are even more rapidly deteriorating into delusions…

"I don't know." He finally admits.

Wei Wuxian groans and flops onto his back, staring into the ceiling in despair. "Right, because how could you know… you're a big virgin too."

Logically, Lan Wangji knows Wei Ying does not mean to insult him, but he nevertheless still has to fight the instinctive urge to bristle at his friend's words. And really, it's not as if he wants Wei Ying to think he's some kind of philandering rake - because he's not, he is in fact A Big Virgin just as Wei Ying says - but an illogical, native, primal part of him wants Wei Ying to acknowledge the fact that he, Lan Wangji, is a hot-blooded male who can and will… uhm…drive home the point if he's called upon.

"There must be others more knowledgeable than us."

Wei Wuxian rolls his eyes. "Well obviously, but it's not the kind of thing I can just go and seek help from any random stranger, can I? Oh hello good sir, ma'am, can you teach me how to get my husband to unleash the beast within and fuck me silly -"

It's Wei Ying's way of speaking that suddenly sparks an idea. Lan Wangji stands abruptly, partially to act upon that inspiration, but mostly to get Wei Wuxian to shut the hell up. "Wait here."

Wei Wuxian stares after him curiously as he goes to a wooden chest beside his bookshelf usually reserved for keeping old books he's grown bored of. He rummages through it in a way that is somehow still proper and dignified, before pulling out a stack of something.

Lan Wangji's handsome, usually impassive face is very obviously pinched when he returns and hands the stack to Wei Wuxian. "Here."

His ears are beet red.

"Okay…?" Wei Wuxian takes the offered pages, a little flummoxed. Then he looks down and nearly suffers a qi deviation.

Now, let's be real here, what Wei Wuxian lacks in real life experience, he more than makes up for in theory, and what mischievous curious youth as such himself hasn't flipped through a yellow book once or twice in their free time? Even someone as stick-up-the-ass as Jiang Cheng has on occasion perused the scandalous literatures, but this - this is -

The images assaulting his eyes are positively filthy!

"Lan Zhan?!"

"I confiscated them from Nie Huaisang. He was here for three summers before he finally passed. Many such works were distributed by him."

Ah yes, Nie Huaisang. Nie-zongzhu's little brother. Wei Wuxian remembers him; they hung out quite a lot the summer he and Jiang Cheng had come to Gusu. The boy was a positive hoot. He failed that year of course, and which was probably why he had to repeat his summer studies two more times.

Still -

"And you didn't burn these immediately?! God-damnnn, Lan Zhan, don't tell me - man oh man I would've never pegged you for -"

Lan Wangji narrows his eyes at him before he can finish. How dare he judge him?! When he's the only one currently actively contributing to their seduction scheme.

"Alright sorry, sorry," Wei Wuxian laughs, wiping tears from his eyes as he sits up properly. "Did you look through these?"

"No." And that is the truth. He had looked at the first two pages out of teenage curiosity and was put off immediately by the amount of touching that apparently intercourse required, thus had resolutely put it away. He'd never felt the need or urge to indulge in such matters. Up until a couple months ago, he'd been positively sure he was above all that.

Turns out he was wrong.

Wei Wuixan has enough grace not to ask then why did he keep all this contraband. His giggles take on a hysterical edge as he flips through Nie Huaisang's filthy goods. "I - I honestly don't think I can do any of this?! I mean look at this one - how is this even possible????"

Wei Wuxian shoves a page at Lan Wangji's face, who considers it for moment, and silently disagrees. They all look entirely possible, and quite frankly, it's making him a little hot under the collars imagining…well…

Maybe this is a bad idea.

"Why don't we start simple."

Wei Wuxian's eyes are fixated on a drawing of a man being restrained by some floatation talisman "Uh-huh….like what?"

Lan Wangji sighs and slaps a blank page over all the sin that has captivated his partner in crime, jolting Wei Wuxian out of his reverie. "Like clothing."

"Clothing? As in…?"

"Yes."

"Well I'll be damned, Lan Zhan. Let's go buy me some lingerie."

there comes a time in every resident's rotation where she must do a grand round presentation...

while this is terrible for my happiness and general health and state of well-being, this bodes well for my fanfic writing neurons..which has been beaten down by exhaustion but is awaken by the opportunity for procrastination.

is there anything anyone still care about in my archive of unfinished work? lol

[the-irrelevant-trumpeter]

me: oh my god i have so much school stuff to do, it's so unfair that they dump an unreasonable amount of work on us and then expect us to be able to keep up with it when we simply don't have the time

also me: *spends an entire day watching youtube*

[libbee]

Many people in one body.

🌸When you dont feel like you know who you are, it can be the loneliest feeling in your own body. AIR signs sun/moon/mercury/venus have this tendency to become a different person with different people. It does not have to be with an ulterior motive. It is just thst they are predisposed to adapt to the social cues.

🌸Water sign in 5th house can give a dreamlike and dissociative personality. You escape into a world of make believe. Sometimes it might feel like a compulsion. Without it, the life feels utterly dull and tiring.

🌸Incompatible placements in one chart aka air-water or earth-air combination is like universe's way of making your life harder than it needs to be. You spend your energy fighting with yourself and creating a stable self.

🌸Do you ever look back and wonder "who the hell was that person?" You recall having friends but you dont remember who you were, what value you offered them in friendship, why they chose you in their friend circle. That is just you shedding skin as an 8th house native. 8th house can make you twice born. You were born once from your mom's womb. You were born again when you built yourself up from ground up. Literal self development.

🌸7th house sun/moon/mercury is not really a social charmer placement, that would be 11th house. 7th house is one on one connections, especially romantic. It can make native be like relationship is the sole purpose of thier life. You were born to marry and work on your relationship. It can make you so dependent that you cannot even function when you are single. You need that other half to be there. It just feels like a team strength.

🌸People who think they are sure of themselves are the ones who are the most unsure. People in TV/video/pictures/screen appear to be flawless and confident. But the screen just eliminates their anxiety and rawness. Learn human skills from the people around you not the ones on TV or cinema. They exaggerate their expressions, rehearse their dialogue and everything is edited and filtered. Real life has flaws, spontaneity, anxiety, raw intimacy and to be able to think on your feet.

🌸In Persona by Ingmar Bergman, Alma is the talkative, expressive and soulful self while Elisabet has chosen to remain silent, running from her past and a cold person. "Her problems is that her notions dont match her life experiences". People are not one person all the time, at every moment of their life. People change. Personality changes. Personality happens to people. We do things we never imagined ourselves capable of doing. It is scary to think you can be an unpredictable beast and surprise yourself by what you end up doing. It is like you cannot even trust yourself. Two women battling their guilty conscience. Emotions they did not choose to feel. Stuck in existantial question of who they are and why they suffer. Are the two the same person? I am a different person in my head, i look different, act different, everything is much easier in the head and the two lives coexist together. I think that the person in my head is not really me, it is some other girl I am fascinated with at the moment. So in my head, I am who I think I will be if I was like that other girl, makes sense? Something in her hooks my lackings, whether it is her extraversion or ability to befriend people or social confidence or looks or a hobby that is not mine. I live through the girl in my head another life, with another life theme, another life story, another persona. When you are like that, how can you be one person in one body?

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

[mindmeltonabun-blog]

Alchemy of Souls: Theories and Analyses (Eps 1-4)

Hello everyone! I'm back again to analyze and theorize! This time I'm choosing to write about "Alchemy of Souls"! For readers who have stuck with me since "Tale of the Nine Tailed", I want to give you all a heads up that I will be providing theories and analyses for season 2 once it comes out! So look forward to that!

Now back to "Alchemy of Souls"! It's going to be a long drama...20 episodes long so I may or may not write a post for each episode. Just don't pressure me to do so! It does take a great deal of time and thinking to write these posts and well it's the summer....I'm trying to relax and not use my brain as much lol! The things I have mentioned here can also be found on my Twitter, but they are very basic on that platform. These Tumblr posts will further elaborations on some of the theories I had posted on Twitter.

This post will be long, but I hope it will be worth your time. I apologize in advance for any typos! Anyways subsequent posts will likely be shorter! Ok drum roll...time to put on our thinking caps and let's analyze and theorize!

The Alchemy of Souls

Firstly, let’s review some things! Alchemy of Souls is a spell that when it is casted, it allows two souls to swap with one another. For it to be casted successfully, the gender, age, build, etc of the people involved must be similar. I would like to think of soul shifting as organ transplantation. Things have to be a perfect match in order for there to be a lower risk of rejection.

In the world of "Alchemy of Souls", if there is a rejection or clash, one will “run wild” due to a crack or a gap which forms between the soul and body. This then leads to a loss of energy and one becoming petrified or turning into stone. As far as we know, the only way to prevent this is to siphon the life energy of others.

To be able to perform the alchemy of souls one must have already master the following steps:

Jipsu: Ability to gather the energy of water

Ryusu: Ability to gain energy from the flow of water; must master this step to be able to unsheathe a mage sword

Chisu: Ability to control the energy in the atmosphere

Hwansu: Ability to convert water to fire and vice versa

Naksu's Ocean Eyes

Now let's move to reviewing the indicators of soul swapping aka the blue mark. Typically the blue mark will appear near the heart. It is a sign that both a soul has exited and entered a body. One might ask, "Why does it appear near the heart?". Well it is because this is where the "Shen" (term in Chinese Alchemy to describe the soul) is located. Side note, most of the philosophy in AOS comes from Chinese Alchemy/Taosim so it might be worth your time to look it up! Anyways the blue mark forms because it is both a sign and a gateway which allows for a soul to either exit or enter a body.

I'd previously mentioned that the blue typically appears near the heart. However, there are some exceptions as seen in Naksu and Mu Deok's case. Their blue mark appears in Mu Deok’s eyes. Why? Well, it's going to be a long explanation. Prepare yourselves!

First, "eyes are the gateways to our souls". Second, there are two gateways in which the soul can enter or exit: the eyes and the heart. I am theorizing that because Mu Deok does not have a soul which could've exited through the area above her heart, she would have no blue mark there. Due to this, Naksu's soul had no where else to go except for the other gateway which was through Mu Deok's eyes.

Some might then ask, "Why do you think Mu Deok does not have a soul?". Simply put, it is because she does not have eyes/is blind. The eyes are suppose to be the gateway to one’s soul, if one does not have them then one is soulless. Get it? Essentially Mu Deok was an empty shell that lacked a soul.

Not only does she not physically have eyes, but she also does not have any motivations in life nor will to live for that matter. She does not have any joie de vie. Her life was dismal. She was a disabled, the person taking care of her had died, and she got sold off to courtesan house. Taken together, one would see that Mu Deok physically and spiritually does not have a soul.

Another possible explanation for Naksu's ocean eyes is that maybe Mu Deok was physically dead already when Naksu swapped into her body. The notion of soul swapping into a dead body was brought up during the King and Jang Gang's conversation in Ep 1.

For those who are still wondering if Mu Deok’s soul had gone into Naksu’s body or lying dormant within her own body, you should understand that since Mu Deok does not have a soul in the first place, it would not go anywhere. This is not to say that it is not possible. I am just saying that given the limited amount of information we have been given so far, the following theories I have proposed above seem to make the most sense at potentially explaining the phenomenon that is Naksu's ocean eyes.

Why Didn't Naksu's Soul Go Into the Bar Maid's Body?

When Jang Gang casted the Alchemy of Soul spell, it had gone towards the person he had intended it for. In Naksu's case, it was quite the opposite. She had meant for the spell to go towards the bar maid, but it instead went to Mu Deok. Some theories I have for this is that even though Naksu's casting did not go towards the person she had wanted, it did go to the person it was suppose to go to. Meaning that the spell was able to find the host that it deemed to be the perfect candidate for Naksu's soul.

In some ways Mu Deok’s body was the perfect host for Naksu’s soul because they had shared similar backgrounds. For example, both had lost their parents when they were young. Both were unwanted members of society (ex. Mu Deok was blind and Naksu was an assassin). Other qualities that made Naksu and Mu Deok a perfect pair for soul swapping is that one had a strong desire to live (Naksu) while the other had a strong desire to die (Mu Deok). It's like that saying "opposites attract". Anyways because certain things lined up with one another precisely, it made these two perfect for one another in terms of soul swapping.

Now in other ways, Mu Deok’s body was incompatible for Naksu’s soul. They had different builds. For example, Mu Deok had a fragile body while Naksu’s body was strong and healthy. To overcome this physical obstacle, I believe Naksu must make Mu Deok’s body suitable to host her strong soul. This could be done by gradually increasing Mu Deok’s strength by working out and/or training. If this is not done slowly, Mu Deok’s body will likely become overloaded, burnout, and petrified.

Who Da Baby Daddy?

One of the biggest debates I've seen so far is who is the father of Jang Uk. Some argue that Jang Uk’s daddy is Jang Gang while others argue that it is the king. It’s like an argument between physical or spiritual. Genetically and physically speaking, Jang Uk is Jang Gang’s son, but spiritually he may be the King’s son. 

There are some questions I do have such as do pieces of a parent's soul pass to their offspring? I mean I can see the argument that powers are passed down from generation to generation as it has been implied that powers and genetics are linked. However it would seem much more difficult to believe the notion that a parent's soul is passed to their offspring. The Hong Sisters really should provide more clarification on this idea. Otherwise it may cause many viewers to become confuse and lose interest in the show.

Anyways there is the possibility that Jang Gang really is the father of Jang Uk both physically and spiritually. We don’t know when Do Hwa was pregnant. Maybe she was pregnant before Jang Gang had swapped souls with the King and just hadn't found the right time to tell him until later.

The person who could potentially know this is Maidservant Kim. Furthermore, I don’t think Maidservant Kim was even aware that Jang Gang had swapped souls with the King. There needs to be an "ah ha" moment as I like call it where the characters actually talk to each other about everything instead of keeping it to themselves. At least then the plot could progress somewhere. If such a moment arises, I believe it'll go something like Jang Uk being a cry baby and telling Maidservant Kim about what Park Jin had told him and then Maidservant Kim being like "No, Do Hwa was already pregnant before Jang Gang met up with the King". 

In many aspects, I feel like Park Jin is Jang Uk's father. Sure, he may not have contributed his genetic material nor soul, but at least he was around for the important moments in Jang Uk's life like when Jang Uk first spoke. I think both in the world of AOS and here in real life, the definition of what it means to be a father can vary.

The Lost Daughter Of the Jin Family…Is It Naksu or Mu Deok?

From mystery daddies to mystery daughters. Smh. Anyways there has been a debate of who the lost daughter of the Jin is. Some have argued it is Mu Deok while others have said it is Naksu.

Those who say it is Mu Deok are only able to offer a single piece of evidence which is that Master Heo Yeom’s recognized Mu Deok’s ear. Like really people? Her ear makes you think she's the long lost daughter of the Jin family?! If only it were that easy. We know that Mu Deok was a pretty sickly person. It is more probable that Master Heo Yeon had recognized Mu Deok's ear because he had previously treated her for some sort of other ailment.

Now what I think is much more likely is that Naksu is actually the lost daughter of the Jin family. There is much more evidence that supports this theory than the other one. The first piece of evidence is Naksu's love for birds. She had a bird whistle and then during storytime with Jang Uk, she talked about being like a bird egg on top of a tree. This girl doesn’t just like birds…SHE LOVES BIRDS! Anyways, you know who else seems like birds? Mama Jin…I mean she has like a crap ton of them. Coincidence? I think not. 

The second piece of evidence is Naksu's ability to quickly learn mage skills/steps which was evident when she bragged to Jang Uk that she had mastered Jipsu in 5 years. It is implied in AOS that if one is from a great mage family, one tends to master mage skills faster than others. If Naksu is indeed from the Jin family, it would explain how she managed to master jipsu so quickly. Side note this is a strong piece of evidence against the argument that Mu Deok is the lost daughter from the Jin family. I mean you don't see Mu Deok having any mage powers or anything. Then again who knows... maybe Jin Mu closed Mu Deok's gate of energy somehow (don't know if you have to be a great mage to be able to do this or not).

I won't dismiss the fact that Naksu's parents could very well be the people who were killed in the beginning of the show. There are still many unknowns. The astronomer who made the prediction about the birth of the King's son was Naksu's "dad". So maybe the great families had gathered to kill him as to keep the origins of Jang Uk's birth a secret. Then again maybe the great families had gathered to kill Naksu's parents because they were actually her kidnappers. We know Jin Mu has a habit of placing his people inside the palace and Songrim. So who knows, maybe Naksu's parents were actually working for Jin Mu. Again there are a lot of unknowns.

What Is Jin Mu’s Endgame?

Ok time to take a closer look at the #1 asshole in AOS aka Jin Mu. We first should ask ourselves, what exactly is Jin Mu's endgame? What does he really want?

Revenge on the Jin Family for kicking him out

I talked about this in the previous section. Maybe Jin Mu's plan for revenge on his family was to kidnap the daughter of the Jin family aka Naksu and then brainwash her into thinking her real parents were the bad guys. He had planned to make her hate them so much so that she would try and kill them. Yea...that's some messed up crap right there.

2. Gwanju position

I still don't get why he desires this position other than to maybe have full access to Cheonbugwan and the Soul Ejector.

3. Soul Ejector

If you remembered during Ep 2, Jin and his minions were not only trying to steal Naksu's body and sword, but also trying to get into Cheonbugwan. There is a device that Jin Mu is aware of which is resides in Cheonbugwan: the Soul Ejector. Not much is known about this device. I'm guessing that based off of its name, it is a device which ejects souls and can be used to reverse soul swapping.

The reason Jang Gang had needed this device was because he needed to switch back to his body. Some might ask well why couldn't he do that without this device? Well it is because he was in the body of the King which did not have any mage powers. Therefore, he would need such a device. Along with his device, he would also need someone who is able to perform the Alchemy of Souls spell.

All we know so far is that Jin Mu has been going around swapping the souls of his minions into royal officials (ex. Prince’s eunuch) and people at Songrim (ex. astrology pupil). Is Jin Mu planning to eject multiple souls or something to create his own army? Or maybe this device can only be used to ejector souls from non mage bodies? Who the hell knows at this point!

It'll be funny if Jin Mu is doing all of this just so he can swap into the body of the current king and therefore be the King. But yea I'm still not able to accurately predict what Jin Mu's full plan is yet. I would need more episodes for that!

Seo Yul and Naksu

Past Relationship

There is not much known about Naksu's past relationship with Seo Yul other than they seem to be young love birds perched up in a tree. Seo Yul was so in love with Naksu. He smiled at her (which is in contrast to his stoic demeanor now) and spent time carving Naksu a bird whistle. If that doesn’t say scream undying love then I don’t know what does! It would seem that these feelings were mutual since Naksu kept the bird whistle throughout the years despite morphing into a cold blooded assassin.

Other mysteries to be solved is the reason why these two love birds had parted ways. My theory is that it was Naksu’s decision to end the friendship/more than friendship relationship. At this point Naksu had been under Jin Mu's training and scheming ways. It wouldn't surprise me that Jin Mu had assigned Naksu to befriend Seo Yul as a way to collect information about the great families. Eventually Naksu had probably caught feelings for Seo Yul and didn't want to lead him on nor hurt him so she decided to disappear.

It is pretty heartwarming to know that despite growing up to be a coldhearted assassin, Naksu still had a soft spot of Seo Yul as it was evident in her possession of the bird whistle despite the many years that had passed. To her, the time she spent with Seo Yul were probably the happiest she had ever been. He was probably the only kind person she knew at the time.

Present Relationship

Now let's skip the present....all I got to say is That BOY KNOWS…HE KNOWS. Seo Yul is not a dumb cookie rather he's a very smart cookie. The biggest giveaway for him was seeing Naksu playing the flute on the bridge. The look on his face said it all. It was the look of seeing the only girl he had ever loved after years had passed. If it had been any other girl, Seo Yul would casted her ass to the ground and got the whistle back right away, but because it was Naksu he took a more gentle approach.

When she said the whistle meant nothing to her, Seo Yul called her bluff and took her hand with the whistle and placed it over his heart and subsequently told her his breathing technique. SWOOOOOOON. To me this moment basically said, "you have my heart and I'll tell you anything you want".

Anyways following that moment on the bridge, I hope you all noticed how much more he began to stare at her. He definitely saw her hesitation to give up her sword and he also saw her mischievous smile after she told Jang Uk they had to leave. Boy told knows Naksu had manipulated the situation with the meeting between Master Heo Yeom, Dang Gu, and Jin Mu.

Then in this upcoming week's episode, we see both Seo Yul and Dang Gu visiting Naksu and Jang Uk in Danhyanggot despite Naksu initially telling them she was going to Sari. Smart cookie Seo Yul went with the assumption that Mu Deok is actually Naksu and therefore he headed to Danhyyanggok instead of Sari. Naksu had probably mentioned to Seo Yul that she was from Danhyanggot back during their love bird days.

The Mysterious Teacher Lee/The Devil’s Teacher

In the latest ep, we were introduced to a new character. Though the episode did not mention his name, additional info about him can be found on TvN’s website. His name is Lee Cheol, but he is also called Master Lee because he only wears a hemp robe all four seasons. He is a highly skilled mage. I still think of him as President of Vincenzo's fan club, Oh My Consigliere haha!

It was shown that he was the one who robbed Jin Yo Won. He was so powerful that he did not need to open the doors to Jin Yo Won to get Sapsali, he simply just had to summon Sapsali. Subsequently, he shifted Sapsali's soul into the body of a dead Sapsali dog (Sapsali is also a name of a dog breed in Korea). 

In Ep 5 preview, it is shown that Master Lee had stumbled upon Naksu and is aware that she had shifted into Mu Deok’s body. The preview can be misleading, but I think Lee Cheol has been living in Naksu’s former home in Danhyanggot (that’s why when she comes back she’s wondering where all the things had came from). Anyways in another trailer, it would seem the Master Lee has befriended Jang Uk and Naksu.

One big question is whether Master Lee is a friend or foe? I am thinking that he will be a friend. Here’s why. In Ep 2 after Naksu had unsheathed her sword in the Lake, she figures out that she needs someone as powerful as the energy of the lake to push out her energy so she could be her old powerful shelf again. Jang Uk asks her if she's looking for a master to teach her to do this. Well everyone, I believe Naksu has finally found a master who will help accomplish this.  His name is #1 Corn Salad fan...haha (sorry to those who haven't watch Vincenzo...you really should).

Other theories I have about Master Lee is that he is in fact Jang Gang. The only information we have been given about Jang Gang is that he’s been gone for decades to “train”. I bet Jang Gang went into insolation to figure out how to fix the problem of soul shifters running wild as well as to do some soul searching after the whole the King slept with his wife debacle. Additionally in that last scene of Jang Gang in Ep 4, he was seen experiencing some stomach pain..could this mean that something was happening to his core energy (remember that this is where one's core energy is located) ? Other clues that Master Lee is Jang Gang is that Master Lee knows the location of Jin Yo Won. I mean I don’t think the location of where the Jin family keeps their magical objects is common knowledge. That secret is probably only known to the members of the great mage families. Just saying!

Misc.

Other important things to mention is that I think we are to assume that as long as one of your parents is a mage, you will be born as one. For example the Prince. His father, the King, is normal while his mother, the Queen, had belonged to the Seo family. Therefore the Prince has mage powers through his mom's side. Otherwise if you have two normal parents, you will not be born as a mage.

Some have theorized that the old King's soul is in the body Prince's eunuch. I don't think that is the case. I think he's just important to Jin Mu because he's one of the Prince's closest staff members and therefore would be the closest source to information about the Prince.

I know I did not mention much about Naksu and Jang Uk's relationship. This is because there's not much to theorized about it at the present moment. It's a pretty cut and dry relationship. They both helping each other so that they can get what they want. Eventually Jang Uk will become mature and that's when the romance between these two will begin.

Jang Uk's sword is a "Four Tigers sword" which was typically constructed during the year of the tiger and is used exclusively by kings.

Update 6/30/22: Besides Master Lee being the one who can potentially help Naksu to regain her powers as well as prevent her from becoming petrified, I believe there is another way this can happen. It would require the conversion of elements. To switch souls, one must be able to convert water to fire. When one becomes petrified, one is turned into stone which is an earth element. So maybe the key to Naksu not turning to stone lies within either the conversion of earth->fire ->water OR earth->metal-> water.