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twokinkybeans · 4 years ago

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Soulmates Aren’t Real - Soulmate!AU

Summary: Seven years ago, a “study” found that people who get incredibly close to death, meet their soulmate in their minds. People described them as an angel in the darkness, a light at the end of the tunnel. The idea alone made Tony want to hurl. It’s stupid. Bullshit. Soulmates aren't real.

Sure, Tony zapped himself every now and then. Occupational hazard. But as of yet, he hasn’t come close enough to death to object the study with facts. And though he is a curious man by nature, he’s not that curious. His "soulmate" will show up on their own time. And if they don’t? They don’t. Whatever. Tony can tinker all he likes. He’s content in his lab. Even if it’s a little quiet sometimes...

Or: Every time Tony nearly dies in the MCU canon, he sees and talks with Peter (who ages appropriately - aka during Iron Man 1, Peter is 6 years old, etc etc etc). It’s a little Cinderella like, if you ask me, aha!

Author’s note: Hi everyone! This started as a small idea that I just wanted to get out of my brain. Took me two Saturdays to write and it's barely edited, aha. I hope you enjoy it, though! <3 -Lien

Words: 3589

Warnings/tags: Fluff, Angst, Soulmate!AU, Mentions of death (a lot), Mentions of attempted near-suicide, read this however you like, I wrote this as Irondad.

Read Soulmates Aren’t Real on AO3!

Occasionally, Tony wonders how much he resembles Sherlock Holmes. He drinks a lot more than what’s probably healthy and he thinks faster than other people around him. Though, he is of the opinion that everyone deserves a chance, not all deserve kindness. He likes being alone, tinkering, and losing track of the days. He actually enjoys fucking up his sleeping patterns, since it means he’s being productive. He’s in a flow. He’s busy. Right now, he’s absolutely certain he’s Sherlock Holmes. The only reason being this one single thought that keeps bouncing through his head every time he scoffs and rereads the article in front of him. People are idiots. Tony would love to have a Watson by his side, but unfortunately for him, his soulmate has yet to show their face. Speaking of soulmates, the article is about just that. Seven years ago, a “study” found that people who get incredibly close to death, meet their soulmate in their minds. People described them as an angel in the darkness, a light at the end of the tunnel. The idea alone made Tony want to hurl. It’s stupid. Bullshit. Soulmates aren't real. Those people who cheated death claim that some rando they meet is the one they saw when they nearly died. That they belong together. People cheated over this, saying that the person they saw when they died looked nothing like their current partner, or maybe like another friend. The study ripped apart tons of marriages and while that’s partially why Tony thinks people are idiots, there is another reason. The reason that is in the article he’s reading. Death therapy. Jesus Christ, who even came up with that shit? More and more people want to know who their soulmate is. If who they are with now is the right person. If they will ever meet them. If they already lost them. And so, they try to almost die. Drug abuse, waterboarding, even playing with electrical equipment and guns. Idiots. People are idiots. And this whole article is about some kind of soulmate cult where groups of twenty all try to get as close to death as they can just so they can get a glimpse of what their soulmate looks like. Stupid. Stupid. STUPID. The people who organize those things are predators, aiming to get as much money out of people as they possibly can. Let them sign wavers that if they do die, which happens ninety percent of the time, the cult can’t be held accountable. Death rates have risen significantly since the study came out and it’s insane. Soulmates don’t exist and nearly dying for the sake of having a looksie at the true love of your life is psychotic. A money-grab, to scam people who are extremely gullible. And oh, boy, are there many gullible people on this hell of an earth. If only they knew all this crap was fake. So many innocent lives would be spared. Sure, Tony zapped himself every now and then. Occupational hazard. But as of yet, he hasn’t come close enough to death to object the study with facts. And though he is a curious man by nature, he’s not that curious. His Watson will show up on their own time. And if they don’t? They don’t. Whatever. Tony can tinker all he likes. He’s content in his lab. Even if it’s a little quiet sometimes... ... Afghanistan. The deal was supposed to be the greatest Tony had ever shook hands on. And then everything went to shit. The missile. The explosion. Darkness. And then a fuck ton of pain, clawing at his chest. He could hear someone screaming but he wasn’t sure who. Was it… Was he screaming? God, it hurt. Ached. Burned. Scratched. He was gasping for air and he wasn’t sure if his body could hold out any longer- if he could hold out any longer. “Hello, there? Sir?” A small voice asks. Tony gasps and writhes, turning on his stomach before crawling up to be met with a boy. Pale skin, brown hair and brown eyes. Cute. “Are you okay? Mister?” Tony brings his hand to his chest in an attempt to feel where the horrific pain is- was? It’s gone. He’s fine. When did that happen? Is he… Is he dying? Or is he already dead? “Hey, there, kid,” he sighs, somehow grateful that the hell he was in has passed. He doesn’t exactly want the child to be part of his panic, so he takes a glance at his seemingly infinite surroundings and casually asks his question. “Where are your parents?” The boy looks around, pursing his lips and raising his eyebrows. He then turns to stare at Tony with his big eyes. “I dunno.” Tony moves so that he’s at eye level with the boy and studies him. It’s only then that it dawns on him that… Oh, God. Nope. No, this isn’t real. It’s stupid and fake and there’s no way this little kid could be his soulmate. It’s just his dying brain, giving him something to work with before he vanishes into nothingness. Normally, he wouldn’t get anywhere near children. They were quite the liability and honestly the epitome of contrast to his bombostuous life. His biggest fear has always been one of his bed partners showing up on his doorstep, carrying a baby. His baby. He has no time for that. Or well, had. Since it’s his last moments alive, he might as well indulge the imaginary kid. “How old are you?” The boy thinks for a second and then looks at his hands. He raises one, fingers stretched out, and then the other; just a thumbs up. “Six!” “Six?” Tony smiles. “That’s a big number.” “Mhm!” The boy nods aggressively. “Need two hands now.” He waves his little fist around and grins. He then looks down at his hands and looks back up. “How many hands do you need?” “A couple more than you do, kid,” Tony scoffs. “So, you’re like, really old?” Ugh. Kids. “Old enough to be your dad.” “You’re not, though!” “Thank God, no.” Tony sits down on his butt and pats the floor next to him. “Mind doing me a favor, kid?” The boy sits down next to him and pulls in his legs, resting his head on top of them. “Depends, Mister. I’m not actually allowed to talk to strangers.” He thinks for a second and then continues. “And you’re about as strange as it gets.” “Is that a compliment?” Tony chuckles. “Depends on who you ask.” The reply has Tony scoff a laugh, louder, and he throws his head back This kid… “Cheeky little thing, aren’t you?” The boy doesn’t reply. Instead, he hides his face to laugh himself. “So, the favor...” Tony starts, trying to get back the boy’s attention. “Hm?” “Just… Be kind, okay? If you really are out there… Life’s too short to-” Tony opens his eyes, confused. He takes a second to assess his location. He’s lying on something hard and uncomfortable and there’s this dull, continuous ache in his chest. He groans when he realizes… Guess I’m not dying anytime soon. ... He was terrifically wrong about that. The organization that put him and Yinsen in that cave were absolute monsters. Tony knew better than to struggle a dozen men with big guns unarmed, but when they brought him to the trough with water, he fought nonetheless. His head was pushed in. His body convulsed and though his brain was telling him to stay calm and simply hold his breath, he kept fighting the aggression from his captors. It wasn’t long before he saw flashes again. Of the same boy. “Mister?” The voice was muffled through the water in Tony’s ears. He wanted to yell at the boy, to look away from the trauma and ensure his safety, but whenever the kid became clear enough in his mind’s eye, he was pulled from the water for air, and then pushed back in, to start the process all over again… Nobody was to know. He wasn’t going to tell anyone about this… Unnamed boy in his lucid dream. Nothing happened. He didn’t even say what his captors did to him, though with the arc reactor now glowing in his chest, people assumed the worst. If they asked him whether or not he saw someone, his answer was always the same. “No.” Tony regretted not asking the kid for his name, but then, everything would’ve become too personal anyways. And soulmates aren't real. Even though Tony had seen the boy on multiple occasions at this point. He should just stop almost dying, to be honest. Though, with his new job as Iron Man, he wasn’t sure if he could hold off on that. He ignored the boy’s worried touch on his thigh when he was paralyzed after his ex-business partner/mentor ripped out his new heart. He tried to tune out the encouraging words as he crawled down to his lab to push the old one back in. The boy was only a figment of his imagination. He couldn’t be real. He. Isn’t. Real. ... Palladium poisoning. Great stuff. You know what’s even greater? Being haunted by the ghost of an eleven-year-old. Tony never got close enough to death to even be able to say hi to the kid and he wasn’t sure if he was grateful or disappointed. The boy was still smaller than average. Clumsy, even. His glasses were cute, though. Red and gold. Iron Man themed. Adorable. He squeezed his eyes, trying to look through them. Maybe they were the wrong prescription? The first time Tony saw him was when he was in the bathroom. In true horror-style fashion, the nerdy boy appeared in the mirror. When Tony yelped and turned, the kid was gone. He then appeared for a brief moment on the side of the road when Tony was racing the Formula One. The billionaire nearly crashed his car when he did his double take. From then on, everywhere Tony went, the oblivious boy would be by his side. Not being dead enough to talk to the kid, also meant he wasn’t dead enough for the kid to see him. It was torturous to see the boy play and learn and grow without being able to be a part of it. Funnily enough, Tony still didn’t like children. He just… He liked the boy. And no, it wasn’t because the kid was his soulmate. Soulmates aren't real. ... Tony was certain flying the nuke into the wormhole would be a one way trip. He’d see the boy one last time, maybe even be able to say goodbye and satiate his need to know the boy’s name, before he’d kick the bucket. At least he’d die peacefully, knowing he stopped an alien war on earth and therefore protected the boy. Twelve. He should be twelve now. Why Tony even bothered to remember the kid’s age, he didn’t know. “Mr. Stark?” Tony’s vision blurs, the alien spaceship fading to black as his muscles lose tension and his suit gives up on him. He falls. But he doesn’t. “Yeah, kid, I’m here. For the last time.” Tony frowns as he pulls in his legs, seated on the floor. He sniffs once and looks up to see the boy sitting across from him. “Hopefully.” “Wait, you want to die?” The question was awfully direct, which makes Tony scoff. “I’ve seen you so often now…” The barely dead billionaire glances to the side. “That can’t be healthy.” He purses his lips. “Also, the healing process of coming back from the dead is a pain in my butt. Pardon my French.” “I like seeing you.” The boy fiddles with his fingers and looks down shyly. “Do you really see me? Like, for real real?” “I’m dreaming. It feels real, but I don’t talk about it with anyone.” The boy cocks his head and raises his shoulders casually. “I think we both think we’re each other’s imagination.” “Well, we are, aren’t we?” “Definitely.” The kid nods aggressively. He crosses his legs and looks at Tony through his long lashes. “Nobody believed me when I said I think you’re my soulmate because I dream about you. Then again, nobody nearly dies as often as you do.” They both chuckle, but the sound quickly fades. “They just think I idolize you a little too much.” The boy frowns and then straightens his back. “I mean, I do idolize you, I- I think you’re a genius! Your papers on Artificial Intelligence are groundbreaking-” “Kid- you’re twelve, you shouldn’t even be able to read those.”

“I…” The boy presses his lips on top of each other. “The books I have to read at school are boring.” He almost seems guilty about saying it. “Those papers are filled with big words, though. You understand all of it?” Tony stares at the boy in awe. “I Google things I don’t know, but context usually explains a lot.” A short, stunned silence settles between the two of them. Tony can barely believe how smart this boy is. He calls Tony a genius, yet he is a genius himself. People who graduated university, specialized in Artificial Intelligence, ask Tony to clarify his papers. So either the boy is messing with him, trying to seem big, or he’s actually incredibly bright. The thought alone makes Tony reminisce about the first time he met the boy, when he still had to use two hands to show Tony how old he was. That was six years ago. Six. He’s fairly certain the boy is a terrible liar, though. And he’s not lying now. Tony’s eyes open wide, every muscle in his body clenches at the sound of the Hulk’s roar right next to him. There was so much he still wanted to ask the boy. At least he was still alive. Maybe he’ll find him and if not, Tony hopes he’ll near-die again soon. ... He didn’t expect his own Malibu house crashing down on him and forcing him into the sea to drown being the way he’d go. He’d never been in a worse situation than this. There was no one there to save him. He’d die, never having met his soulmate. Who knows, maybe they’ll meet again in the afterlife, one day. Tony closes his eyes and lets the quiet wash over him as his suit shuts down. The silence is broken by a quiet sob. The sound brings Tony back to the half-afterlife present and he opens his eyes. The boy is sitting right in front of him again, crying visibly and audibly. “Hey, hey-” Tony moves forward to place a hand on the boy’s shoulder. “Are you okay?” “I don’t want you to die, Mister Stark.” “What makes you think it’s for real this time?” “You just said it yourself,” he sobs. “There’s no one to save you now.” “You heard that?” The boy nods, face twisted. “Well, since I’m still here, I’m not gone yet,” Tony tries with a smile. The boy looks up, tears streaming down his face and shoulders slightly shaking. His red cheeks puff and he sniffs. “We haven’t even met-” The boy squeezes his eyes shut and pushes in, hugging Tony’s chest tightly. The man raises his arms in surprise, but hearing the kid sob, breaks his heart in ways he never thought possible. He embraces the boy and rests his head on top of his. “I can’t lose you too.” “Too?” Tony’s voice cracks and he clears his throat, trying to remain composed. “M-my parents-” Oh, no. Tony immediately pushes the boy away from his chest and ducks his head, forcing the boy to look in his eyes. “Kid, I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here. I’m going to meet you, ‘kay? Give me your name and I’ll find you.” “Promise?” “Promise.” The boy takes a second to collect himself and Tony wipes his tears with the sleeve of his shirt. “My name’s P-” The second it dawned on Tony that he was still alive, but without the knowledge of the boy’s name, he wanted to cry. And so he did. He was in snowy Tennessee. Many, many miles from home. Who knows, maybe P is somewhere around here? This couldn’t be a coincidence anymore. The boy has to be real. And Tony left him alone. Truly and utterly alone. Just as he is right now. He sobbed quietly as Jarvis shut down. It wasn’t long before he stood up, hugging himself, making the resolute decision that wherever he was, whatever was going to happen, he was going to live. For P. ... Harley filled up the hole P had left for the short while they spent together. Tony learned to care for him, but it wasn’t the same. All he could think about was the other brown-haired boy in the back of his mind. His soulmate. His P. After the whole Mandarin situation was dealt with, there was no way he could go looking for the now thirteen-year-old without seeming like a creep. P. That was all he knew about him. His name started with a P. First name? Last name? Nothing narrowed it down. He had to let it rest. He simply had to. But he couldn’t. For the first time in his life he felt like the people he once called idiots. But he couldn’t afford to die. Not with the boy out there waiting for him. And so, he shut the tab on his tablet, linked to the Death Therapy site. Maybe he wasn’t Sherlock Holmes after all. If only he could find his Watson. ... Sokovia was hell. He got so close to seeing his boy again. So close. But not close enough. He tried to reach for P, but their encounter was cut short. “Mr. Stark! Mr-” P yelled. “I’m P-! Don’t go, please! Please! My name-” “Kid!” “P-t-” It was torturous. Tony wished he could go back to when he didn’t care. When he didn’t think the boy was actually real. But he couldn’t. P is out there. Somewhere. And by God, Tony would find him. Whatever it takes. ... Spider-boy. Whoever it was, the web-slinger caught Tony’s attention. A young hero, wanting to help out the little guy. He was young, though. And so, Tony felt the need to be a mentor. To guide the young man into becoming the hero everyone would root for. That and whatever the boy was wearing was absolutely unsafe for the job. Tony wanted to give the kid something he could work with to make it all safer for everyone. Plus, he needs someone Steve would go easy on, should Berlin go South. Pepper did most of the research and the phone call went by quickly. Tony didn’t really feel like talking anyways. “Alright, so he lives on 15th street. I’ve texted you the building and the address.” “Thanks, Pep.” Little did she know Tony was already at the front door. “Oh, and his name is-” “Bye, Pep.” He hung up and knocked. The door was opened by a lovely woman in her late forties. Of course, she immediately recognized him and let him in, offering him a seat on the couch. “My nephew is probably your biggest fan,” she yelps, clapping her hands with excitement. “You are here for him right? He applied to your scholarship a couple weeks ago.” “Yes!” Tony clears his throat. “That’s exactly what I’m here for.” He raises his eyebrows and continues his lie. “He got the scholarship, so I wanted to let him know personally. As I… eh, I do with all other people who got it.” Not every hero shares their identity with the ones they’re close with. It’d be better for Spider-guy if Tony played it safe. ... Not much later, the door opened again. Tony looked up with a smile, knowing it’d be the friendly neighborhood hero he was going to recruit. His expression faltered when he saw the boy’s face. His boy’s face. P. That’s P. “Ah, perfect timing!” May exclaims cheerfully. “Look who’s here to see you!” Tony blinks and clutches his chest. He’s having a heart attack, isn’t he? He’s dying. This isn’t real. This isn’t happening. Peter seems just as taken aback, seeing the billionaire of his dreams - quite literally - on the couch with his aunt. After a short while of amazed silence, May breaks it. “What’s up with you two all of a sudden? It looks like you’ve seen a ghost!” They can’t help ignoring her. Tony slowly stands up and shuffles closer to the boy who drops his backpack to the floor. “Mr-” “Say your name-” Tony whispers, inching closer and closer until he invades Peter’s personal space. “Please, tell me your name.” Peter looks up at him, wide-eyed, flustered. His lips part, but he swallows before he speaks. “Peter. My name is Peter Parker.” P. Peter. Parker. Peter Parker. Holy- It fits. Everything fits. Sherlock has found his Watson. Everything feels so insanely right in this moment. Tony slowly raises one hand, placing it on Peter’s fast beating heart. Peter curls both hands around Tony’s and opens their palms, sandwiching Tony’s hand between his. “Need three hands,” Peter mutters. “Four soon.” He moves his hands to Tony’s chest, feeling the scar of where his arc reactor used to be push through the fabric of his dress shirt. “You’re not dying again, are you?” Peter asks quietly, almost scared. “No, kid,” Tony sighs. Content. Finally. “I think this is real.”

#irondad #soulmate!au #peter parker #tony stark #spider-man #ironman #fanfiction #marvel #mcu

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elizabethrobertajones · 6 years ago

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I've seen people compare and contrast Dean's pearl wish with his djinn dream in s2, but what are your thoughts on Amara giving him what he wants most and the pearl his heart's desire? Given one is his mom and the other his dad. And one needing to be reversed.

Dean’s heart… an enigma for the ages :’D We should throw in from the pile of other smaller instances, the largest plain text one, which is 4x14 and the siren telling Dean that he wanted a brother-figure most in another episode which dealt with manifesting desires… Though that one’s been argued to shreds and has terrible context even taking a straightforward read of it as what it says on the tin, because it’s to force discord between Sam and Dean in the run up to their worst falling out, and so it’s a replacement in a very sinister way rather than the cleanest comparison you make of Amara giving Mary - actual Mary - back and the pearl granting John - actual John - back, compared to every other instance of wish fulfilment along the way.

Anyway I think it is clear Amara had the better instinct… I feel like we all know about Dean and his issues with John, and I think it’s very much that the pearl picked up on a desire to resolve these things, and especially maybe exactly what the episode ended up being for them with John - just the chance to see the family unit together, and in a way see off the dream of what was missing there. That Mary being back begged a question of why not John as well - why hadn’t Amara restored BOTH parents, and why wasn’t Dean’s desire that SHE read in him to have this completed family with John AND Mary.

I think the episode dealt with it really interestingly because I keep laughing in disbelief that what I never thought would happen even subtextually but totally had been joking to myself would, was Dean “coming out” to John in some way that set up normative family values against family don’t end in blood aka the weird ass family that he’s collected for himself through the years.

Even as far back as that quote’s original use in 3x16, Bobby’s supplanted John and steps in as father and a strong subplot of season 3 is Bobby taking on that role, with 3x10 having a lot of this between him and Dean specifically… The show then goes on to not only build this up over the years to the point that Bobby’s the better dad, but in 7x10 goes so far as to suggest that he had been historically, retconning their history just one shade further from the way in 1x22 Bobby comes across almost like a vaguely known family friend to the one who wanted to play catch with Dean and defended their right to be kids with John over the phone, almost to the implication that the reason in 1x22 they’re worried about going to Bobby because last time they saw him he threatened to shoot John… was over their parenting of the boys.

Like, John not only missed out and has some serious trauma with his boys, but in the family unit the show holds up as better than blood family, Bobby has historically and firmly supplanted John over a long arc through most of the core part of the show and final iconic death episode, so even though Bobby is also dead, we have AUBobby back if we WANT to step-dad him back into the family via Mary, and regardless, it’s clear that from childhood to way beyond John’s life, Bobby set down a challenge and the motto of the show and WON, and John doesn’t actually have a place in Dean’s family unit; he has the place in the NORMATIVE blood family, the white picket fence nuclear family from 1x01 that we see for all of a few seconds before it’s destroyed. But the family that means the most to Dean by all accounts of the show from season 3 onwards is not one that actually includes John and the more people Dean adopts, the less John factors into this, until by season 13 and 14 he’s shuddering out of the last of it by getting to raise a son of his own from tentative horror about inflicting a childhood on him like what John did to them, to actually bonding with Jack and being a better father than John was - thankfully with much lower stakes and 2 other dads to pick up the slack for the hard stuff when he’s emotionally incapable of reaching out at first.

And then we have how in season 1, the entire arc is about finding John, and in 1x16 we get that conversation between Sam and Dean which shatters my heart every time I go through:

DEAN: Yes, that, but it’s more than that, man. (He returns to the dresser and is silent again, then once more turns to Sam.) You and me and Dad—I mean, I want us….I want us to be together again. I want us to be a family again.

SAM: Dean, we are a family. I’d do anything for you. But things will never be the way they were before. (DEAN looks heartbroken.)

DEAN: (sadly) Could be.

SAM: I don’t want them to be. I’m not gonna live this life forever. Dean, when this is all over, you’re gonna have to let me go my own way. (He and DEAN share a look.)

And then in 1x20:

SAM (Grumpily) That’s probably what Dad’s thinking. Course it would be nice if he just told us what he thinks.

DEAN So it is starting.

SAM What?

DEAN Sam, we’ve been looking for Dad all year. Now we’re not with him for more than a couple of hours and there’s static already?

There’s obviously like, a whole season of material on this but these moments stand out to me about what they want and how compatible the Sam Dean John team really is (without factoring in Mary being alive so there’s some more happiness to it all in what we saw).

In 1x16 Sam has John’s 14x13 idea of a happy end - of getting out of the life and being able to do normal human things and settle down and all that jazz, and John’s really sad that Dean never found it, and just sees a lack in Dean’s life. And then there’s the issue of having John around where obviously there’s a lot of reasons in the 14x13 set up that if it had been permanent it would have been better, but still what we saw was the very rosy honeymoon period of having John back. Like, they weren’t working a case together so we got no leadership conflict, but while Sam and John had the most heartbreaking chat to resolve everything between them, they also had one of those in the iconic “spent it on ammo” scene, which was, you know, wonderful and all, but then somehow John still ends up dying within the week after his last 3 conversations with Sam were all blow out arguments. And John in this episode was snatched from technically the middle of his falling out with Sam about Stanford, when he was coming from whiplash of disowning to wow damn the kid got big and competent and, er, hunter-y. Nullifying that argument from John’s POV just as Sam has lived just too much life to be mad about it when faced with a John of that era. Conveniently for their development in the episode, ya know. John was very cannily picked out of time for the perfect balance of emotions. Multiple time periods of John could be used for what he and Dean went through, but only Standford-era John could be chill and easy for Sam to handle like that.

So. We’ve got John nullified from being part of the core family and we’ve got him being potentially dangerous to keep around for a long time, even if we can assume the cheerful period would be longer. We still had, like, AUBobby. And whatever would have happened getting John up to speed on their lives and putting him to work. Sam is HUNTER BOSS now. Chief. King of Hell by default because the demons are all too scared of him to elect a new one. How’s John going to fit into a dynamic where even AUBobby’s acknowledged Sam’s the alpha? Sam’s issues in season 1 were largely being the kid still, helpless with being only 22 and relatively inexperienced at least compared to John and Dean even though he’s NEVER portrayed as incapable, he’s just struggling with being young and not being the natural leader his personality has always been and he’s always had trouble with. (the 1x10 fury about the kids thinking Dean is his boss is the best microcosm :P The actual argument of 1x10-11 in full explains it all though if you rewatch those 2 with this in mind.)

And then why does Mary get to stay? First of all, just because they don’t have ANY experience of her, not as hunter!mom, barely as mom, and she’s a sainted concept with no personality so they don’t have a CLUE about who Mary actually IS and all the ways she can be flawed and weird and messy and like them and unlike them. In some ways a problem with John was always too MUCH John became a thing very quickly, while they’ve been thirsty sponges for anything about Mary. Dean remembers the tiniest specs of info about her and Sam is arguably in a worst place of not knowing at ALL.

She also never got to fuck them up with trauma and getting a chance to fuck up and upset them as adults is wonderful because they get to go through Dramas and Struggles about having mom around and her doing crap things like sleeping with Ketch or whatever and like… that’s still delightful filling in gaps compared to them carrying enormous burdens from how John raised them… Even knowing Mary was a hunter and made the deal etc is a retroactive pain they only carry from season 4, so all their formative years she was a blank slate and John was causing all the damage. Even if we break John and Mary down to how they address Sam and Dean’s trauma, John shows up to make up for/free them from what already happened to them, while Mary arrives to fill in blank spaces and give them an experience they never had before. 12x22′s speech addresses all this in one way or another, about both the history retcon Dean’s had time to absorb since season 4, but also that the trauma came from John, and even the very setting of the childhood kitchen and Mary’s inability to see past her tiny children mirroring their inability to see past Mother Mary at times giving us how much they’re building their emotional landscape over this frozen-in-time leap of 33 years.

Amara gave Dean forward development he needed most in a way that was ongoing development of a relationship over time, while the pearl resolves something that can be done in an afternoon, and free Dean to move on to a world beyond John and to embracing and understanding his own family values without the spectre of what John wanted for him… Better for them to all get a resolution about John, a good final memory, but then to accept that he came from the past, and to put him back there. While Mary is a scrappy disaster person just like them, and very much a living person with her own crap… John emerged like a ghost, and ~moved on~ like a ghost. But the unfinished business was on the living winchesters, rather than on him.

… It was fantastically well done, I probably don’t need to say about how I feel on it :’)

#Asks #14x13 #deeean #dean analysis

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professorurha · 5 years ago

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So I worked out a timeline and I cracked jokes through the whole thing because you have to.

TIMELINE There’s a few things that are important to Urha, who should be around 40, depending on how you view the timeline. She isn’t part of the timeskip, but she knows people who were, so let’s establish a few historical points. 3rd Astral Era, aka about 5,000 years ago, Allagan Empire rises and falls, shit happens. This is the height of technology as far as the history of this world is known. (4th Umbral era, Calamity of Earth) 4th Astral Era: The Eorzean Alphabet, not much else. 5th Umbral Era, ???, Calamity of Ice, Miqo’te can survive in Eorzea I guess. They can hunt, and enjoyed the Alphabet a lot. This is why they aren’t mentioned later in the waves of immigration I assume, because they were kind of there. (5th Astral Era, Mhach and Amdapor) (6th Umbral Era, Calamity of Water) (6th Astral Era, Pre-ARR. The reason a 7th calamity was not predicted was because the 6 elements had all been accounted for. I guess some people knew another one was coming, but no one really cared I guess, so they assumed it’d just all be great forever. If you think about it, it sort of makes sense since yeah that’s all the elements. Yoshi P, an as yet unknown element, was the 7th Calamity, as we all know. The Calamity of Deus Ex Machina, also known as, fuck, the moon.) - 969, the Lalafellian nation of Belah’dia, made up of descendants of ancient Mhach, is split into Sil’dih and Ul’dah. Some Hyurs try to come in around 755, and Belah’dia tells them to fuck off using the universal language of explosions. - ca. 1000, Ul’dah accepts some people from the prior waves of immigration to Aldenard, Hellsguard and Highlander sellswords. -1179, Ala Mhigan Mercenaries introduce Highlanders once again to Ul’dah. For 17 goddamn years Sil’dih has taken Ul’dah’s water and they are PISSED. They also fucked up Thanalan, helping in making it the crap place it is today. -1181, Ul’dah raises the fucking dead to destroy Sil’dih, thanks alchemy. -1224-1355, Thorne Dynasty, aka Hyurs sort of have some significance in Ul’dah for less than 150 years, good job guys, way to let the potato man keep you down. -1468-1469, Autumn War, Big Huge Deal. In summary, Ala Mhigo is an asshole and Ishgard, Ul’dah and Limsa all help Gridania fuck them up. -1476, Ul’dah isn’t gonna fuck someone up and not make a profit, so they force Ala Mhigo to reduce their tolls. This is great because pirates are still this huge problem for Ul’dah, and they haven’t invented flying yet, but they will soon. This is the beginning of it, where Tatanora makes coaches bigger and lighter using Ixali technology, which involves ceruleum vapors, and becomes a really famous figure in Ul’dah’s history as a fantastic and filthy rich merchant. -1522, Tatanora starts to do airships too, mostly used for exploration. Flight is available to the public as Highwind Skyways, 9 years later, but this turns out to be a terrible time to figure out how to fly because The Republic of Garlemald has just become the Garlean Empire in 1522. Somehow this doesn’t become a problem immediately. -1552, Garlemald Annexes Doma. -1557, Garlemald Annexes Ala Mhigo. -1561, Battle of Silvertear Skies. Neutral area of Mor Dhona is attacked by Garlemald, but they crash into a dragon. Midgarsormr and the warship makes a huge, gross mess. Ul’dah is still flying around like nothing’s gonna ever go wrong. -1563, Not only can Ul’dah fly now, but Garlond Ironworks works with Highland Skyways to make modern airships suitable for regular service between the citystates, available to an average citizen. -1569, Finally Garlemald shoots one of those airships out of the sky, so they suspend airship travel, limiting it only to “extraordinary circumstances”. Yes, it was only that recently. -1572, 7th Umbral Calamity, WOOPS WE HAD ANOTHER CALAMITY. Cue ARR. -1577, ARR, and we are in the 7th Astral Era. Some people who were at the Battle of Carteneau are forgotten along with the Warrior of Light and kind of jump ahead 5 years. It’s not really clear if it’s only the Warrior of Light or if it’s anyone out there fighting. Basically, if you were a player before ARR, your character has woken up 5 years later and someone took your shit. This blows. Fuck you, Yoshi P. (WE ARE NOW IN THE NOTORIOUS TIME BUBBLE) -1578 (?), Doma rebels, but it doesn’t work very well. Monzen’s bombed, because as previously established, explosions are a universal language. Doman refugees are refused entry to Ul’dah because Ul’dah has enough problems, and they are taken into Mor Dhona, which has now had not only a warship and a dragon fall on them, but also the moon. A regular local weather pattern is “gloom” so needless to say, this place sucks.

-1579 (?), Doma and Ala Mhigo is liberated by Some Guy, and I guess all of Heavensward happened last year, and/or this year, also Stormblood. These are a pretty impressive 2 years. They sure just flew by. -1580 (???), the year of our headcanon, Professor Urha, who is 41 or 42 sometime in the fall. Also known to some as The Future*. This could be ShadowBringers, but probably ShadowBringers also happened last year. Sorry, it’s not my fault. * (The only thing for certain is… heavensward happened, Yugiri said there was a rebellion at some point, and 25 years ago from that day, Doma was annexed, stormblood happened, and an NPC said the rebellion was last year. At least one year has passed. I allowed the canon to exist, and for 3 years to have past since ARR began, and that we are living in year 3, and will be living in year 3 for some time. When a more strict timeframe is referenced, my character’s age will reflect this.) Now that we have that established, let’s overlay Professor Urha’s history. Thanalan. Urha’s mother’s side is a seeker of the sun of the J tribe, who were there since magical ice age I guess or something. Her mother is a first generation citystate-cat, sired by a Nuhn named Raahn. Hyurs were let into Ul’dah around 1000, 6th astral era. It is suspected by her father’s side that in 1179, Urha’s Hyurian descendants were permitted to exist in Ul’dah society. The city of Davenport is on record existing at the time of the Autumn War, 1469, and is where her father, Miles Davenport, or at least that Surname, comes from. 1539: On the 30th Sun of the 6th Astral Moon, Myria Davenport is born to J’urhalla Raahn, AKA Rosegold, and Miles Davenport. This is a fantastic time to be born a Monetarist. No Ala Mhigan refugees, Ul’dah can fly, is dealing with the east near and far, Ul Dynasty is doing great, plenty of money to be made and no one to stop you. It’s been almost 10 years since the previously unknown republic has named itself an empire, but they’re mostly dominating Ilsebard, maybe the start of some of Othard, and not an issue Eorzea has to worry about. There aren’t very many Miqo’te monetarists, and so her father is very protective of her, as she came out with ears and a tail like her mother. He wants her to be taken seriously in business and gets her the best education money can buy. He takes it a little too far, and in the end, all members of the family go missing, with only some members of the Syndicate at the time aware of what actually happened. 1550: Something really really awful. 1552: Doma is Annexed by Garlemald. 1555: Something even more awful. 1557: Myria Davenport is all but forgotten, and somewhere in the east, a beautiful 18 year old Miqo’te is a horrible monster, and is frustrated her research has been rejected. She is being transferred. Oh, and Ala Mhigo is Annexed by Garlemald. 1559: Not a great time. Chemical Burns. 1561: Nope. 1572-1577: Calamity, and then a new era is born. The entire planet changes, physically and in spirit. Everyone works to repair their lives. When people try and remember those who fought for them and are the reason they are alive, they can remember neither the name nor face nor life of any being, only a shining, lighted silhouette. Myria Davenport returns to Eorzea after spoilers, in the year spoilers, using a short and sweet version of her mother’s name as her alias. She is found unconscious by a tribe of Keepers in the South Shroud, between the Black Shroud and Thanalan. Many keeper tribes have fled Eorzea entirely, a few broods moved from the West Shroud, now no longer in existence, to other parts of the Black Shroud. In spite of the fact she is a Seeker, she is accepted due to her medical knowledge and asked to act as the tribe’s wisewoman. Keepers are way more chill than she remembers them being, but I guess a calamity or two will do that. Once confident, she leaves them, and rebuilds her fortune, even though she cannot rebuild her family name, because spoiler.

#FFXIV Lore #ffxiv timeline #potato man keeping you down #making myself laugh #miqo'te lore #ul'dah #basking in this science ship #that fucking time bubble #yoshi p problems

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mittensmorgul · 8 years ago

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1.20... VAMPIRES.

aka, the evils of humanity exposed. Lies, deception, hiding the truth.

SAM: Wait, you came all the way out here for this Elkins guy? JOHN: Yeah. He was... he was a good man. He taught me a hell of a lot about hunting. SAM: Well you never mentioned him to us. JOHN: We had a... we had kind of a falling out. I hadn't seen him in years. (gesturing to the envelope) I should look at that. (He opens it) 'If you're reading this, I'm already dead'... that son of a bitch. DEAN: What is it? JOHN: He had it the whole time. SAM: Dad, what? JOHN: When you searched the place, did you, did you see a gun? An antique, a Colt revolver, did you see it? DEAN: Ah, there was, there was an old case but it was empty. JOHN: They have it.

John had never mentioned Elkins to Sam or Dean, but we know (thanks 6.18) that his primary connection to Elkins would’ve been about the Colt. Sort of makes a person wonder if their “falling out” hadn’t been about the Colt all along. Elkins not wanting to give it to John, John wanting it to kill the demon...

Gosh that gun has a looooong and horrifying history with the Winchester family. It’s an excellent reminder for just how awful Mary’s ignorance of all this history, of what this gun has meant to her family, and the fact she just ~handed it over~ to the people who’d tortured Sam...

They say Samuel Colt made a gun. A special gun. He made it for a hunter, a man like us only on horseback. Story goes he made thirteen bullets, and this hunter used the gun a half dozen times before he disappeared, the gun along with him. And somehow Daniel got his hands on it.

(I mean... Sam’s the guy on horseback here... and Dean’s the last hunter to shoot it at this point... and he dropped the gun when Cas pulled him back from 1861, and that’s probably when Colt left the gun with the Elkins family in Sunrise...)

JOHN: They were what Daniel Elkins killed best: Vampires. DEAN: Vampires? I thought there was no such thing. SAM: You never even mentioned them, Dad. JOHN: I thought they were extinct. I thought Elkins and -- and others had wiped them out. I was wrong.

Most vampire lore is crap. A cross won't repel them, sunlight won't kill them, and neither will a stake to the heart. But the bloodlust, that part's true. They need fresh human blood to survive. They were once people, so you won't know it's a vampire until it's too late.

And here we have the very first bit of vampire lore in the entire series. Something that had always been kept hidden from Sam and Dean by John. This is also the first real hunt we’ve seen John participate in fully, and where we get to see his dictatorial leadership style, the whole “only give them the bare minimum information and expect them to just do as they’re told without question.”

Oh, and this like always makes me so damn angry:

JOHN: Hey Dean why don't you touch up your car before you get rust? I wouldn't have given you the damn thing if I thought you were going to ruin it.

He wasn’t lashing out at Dean about the state Baby was in. He was just lashing out in general. It was about obedience, and the fact that Sam and Dean currently weren’t being very obedient. Yes, it brought out the worst in him, this fear and urge to protect his children that manifested the hidden drill sergeant in him:

JOHN: I don't think I ever told you this but ... the day you were born, you know what I did? SAM: No. JOHN: I put a hundred bucks into a savings account for you. I did the same thing for your brother. It was a college fund. And every month I'd put in another hundred dollars, until... Anyway my point is, Sam, this is never the life that I wanted for you. SAM: Then why'd you get so mad when I left? JOHN: You gotta understand something. After your mother passed all I saw was evil, everywhere. And all I cared about was keeping you boys alive. I wanted you...prepared. Ready. Except somewhere along the line I ... uh ... I stopped being your father and I ... I became your, your drill sergeant. So when you said that you wanted to go away to school, all I could think about, my only thought was, that you were gonna be alone. Vulnerable. Sammy, it just... it never occurred to me what you wanted. I just couldn't accept the fact that you and me -- We're just different. JOHN: What? SAM: We're not different. Not anymore. With what happened to Mom and Jess... (laughs) Well we probably have a lot more in common than just about anyone.

I mean, it’s not an excuse by any stretch of the imagination, but it does give a little bit of context. But we finally get Sam and Dean standing up to John together.

SAM: You're leaving again ,aren't you. You still wanna go after the demon alone. You know, I don't get you. You can't treat us like this. JOHN: Like what? SAM: Like children. JOHN: You are my children. I'm trying to keep you safe. DEAN: Dad, all due respect but, uh, that's a bunch of crap. JOHN: Excuse me? DEAN: You know what Sammy and I have been hunting. Hell you sent us on a few hunting trips yourself. You can't be that worried about keeping us safe. JOHN: It's not the same thing, Dean. DEAN: Then what is it? Why do you want us out of the big fight? JOHN: This demon? It's a bad son of a bitch. I can't make the same moves if I'm worried about keeping you alive. DEAN: You mean you can't be as reckless. JOHN: Look... I don't expect to make it out of this fight in one piece. Your mother's death ... it almost killed me. I can't watch my children die too. I won't. DEAN: What happens if you die? Dad, what happens if you die, and we coulda done something about it? You know I been thinking. I ...think maybe Sammy's right about this one. We should do this together. DEAN: We're stronger as a family, Dad. We just are. You know it. JOHN: We're running out of time. You do your job and you get out of the area. That's an order.

And in that respect, this is sort of the first iteration of Sam and Dean “tearing up the script.” They defined that direct order, but if they hadn’t, John would’ve been dead, the Colt would’ve been lost, and the whole plan would’ve failed.

Dean’s “assignment” had been to save the people the vampires had in a cage. But he and Sam came back.

And here’s a VERY TELLING AND RELEVANT EXCHANGE BETWEEN LUTHER THE VAMPIRE AND JOHN WINCHESTER:

LUTHER: You people. Why can't you leave us alone. We have as much right to live as you do. JOHN: I don't think so.

Just like the BMoL, this idea that the vampires (and other monsters) don’t have as much right to live as anyone else. >.>

And then Dean stands up to John when their obedience is called into question again.

JOHN: You ignored a direct order back there.

DEAN: Yeah but we saved your ass.

JOHN: It scares the hell out of me. You two are all I've got. But I guess we are stronger as a family. So...we go after this damn thing. Together.

#spn 1.20 #spn monsters #lies and damn lies #winchester family dynamics #the ghost of john winchester #the colt #using your words

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unproduciblesmackdown · 8 years ago

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yall ive had some shit this shift...i got lectured and vaguely threatened for having to pee a lot which was coz i drink stuff thruout the day like coffee and tea which is Pee City and since ive been on deliveries steadily all day ill be gone on that for ages and have to pee when i get back as well as the other shit i do. like i was literally this afternoon joking w coworkers who are actually cool to me abt how i can be at work for hours before people who have been in the store the whole tkme will realize im even there coz im a) out on deliveries most of the time, like for real if its a busy lunch period i can be at work for 2-3 hrs and actually be in the store 10-20 min and b) when im here im moving around actually doing shit and people have always been saying how its hard to get ahold of me coz im always going around doing shit and thats another reason people dont realize im here and c) people just dont notice me so like today my freakin bad i had to pee a lot coz my only comforting routine in this place besides constant disassociation is working my way thru a drink and i happen to like both coffee and tea even tho it does make me pee and sometimes i get the coffee dumps, truth. so today since ive been in and out on deliveries the whole time and i havent been talking to anyone since none of the people who notice me were much here and since ive been moving around the store since im actually doing shit, i get yelled at for using the bathroom too much.... like i get the issue of people who give themselves Bathroom Breaks which realistically we all do but sometimes people do it too long or whatever and like yeah while im taking a shit i will check my twitter or make a shitpost or something, like we all use our phones throughout the day including the managers and im not gonna feel bad for doing that but i am not thrilled w being accused of using the bathroom needlessly when im using it coz i need to use it....and like not like i can prove im peeing every time coz i'd be glad to give you a urine sample every time but they prob dont want that.... anyways whats real good is how i was just talking the other day about how this one delivery driver who's been here forever and was just given like acknowledgement for being a good employee, i was talking w someone about how like he doesn't actually do shit, and i was like i try desperately to ignore him but now that you mention it i never see him doing anything really? and like if you ask him to do some basic shit we're Supposed to do he wont or he'll ask someone else to do it. and today he was here and when we were slow and i was like washing tables and taking dishes and making coffee I actually paid attention to him and he definitely would just like stand by the computer even tho we had no new orders and then walk to a different spot and then go back to the computer and then walk energetically somewhere else and i think a couple times i saw him carry a few dishes to the sinks. and he's fine and im doing shit and getting lectured for causing issue for not doing my work like granted this was from the same manager who once made me mad for getting on me for Slacking Off coz i was leaning on the bread slicer, which i was leaning on coz i was trying to read the order info on the computer next to it, and was also happy about because i was doing a lot of work that day more than even usual. and another driver complained about her doing that exact same thing aka complaining about Leaning when the driver had been working hard and i was like yep ive had that happen too like now i essentially cant use the bathroom because the fact that i keep myself busy means that most people, who have a tendency to not notice my presence even if i AM standing right there, legit dont know im there and nobody sees me doing any work coz they dont see me coz im doing god damn work........ im annoyed coz like i can think of maybe seven other employees who distinctly notice me and are cool with me and im cool with them, and most other employees are fine and decent to me and stuff but theres a couple people who are shitty including this one guy who just now was talking with this dude who i thought was a decent guy? and they were kind of making fun of me and i went up to the decent guy like hey i was actually right over there and totally heard you guys, coz i was not in the mood, and he just brushed me off and i was like fantastic. plus for some reason the manager who fussed at me decided to do it all formally right before i had to go on a delivery, and so i didnt get enough time to say everything on my mind about my Problems with the fact that this was occurring which i was absolutely going to do in full on account of i think its bullshit and im no longer in the mood in my general life to act like i think that kind of bs is warranted, but before i could talk about it long enough i felt like id said everything i wanted to, she was like ok u gotta go on the delivery and im like you still havent given me that $60 you forgot to cash me out and you're allowed to say what you want and i cant respond? i get that mgmt is bullshit and i had just been talkingn about how mgmt is bs a couple days ago but i just dont care for me personally i am going to answer back. and because of being abused all my life a lot of times i have an automatic response to these kind of situations where i try to speak back and the stress just naturally makes me cry and then i gotta be like sorry im crying its a physiological reflex i earned for being alive. and now that you rushed me out to make a delivery i have to be trying not to cry at work, and extend my cryish period by having to try holding it back, and also extend it on account of im still got damnt pissed about it like god knows im not one to praise myself beyond reason but im a good worker here and ironically that means people might not ever notice it and I've definitely never heard a good word from management about anything i do since i dont even know when and instead i get in trouble coz one day i have to pee, coz other days i also have to pee coz i have established one comforting habit to get through customer service bs where i get weird treatment from other coworkers at least once a day usually and sometimes dont even have a work friend around and so my fucking bad i have coffee i guess like apparently my fuckin problem is that im both quiet almost all the time and keep to myself but also sometimes joke with people or say something to them at all just to be nice coz other coworkers are quiet and dont get shit from people or are always in a less than warm mood and dont get shit about it. i close tomorrow aka there for 10-11 hrs but at least a coworker im work friends with and who has a similar demeanor is around for most of it or i swear to christ. hopefully i ever deliver to someplace with a fucking bathroom coz i guess i cant god damn use ours anymore without being monitored coz im not a good enough worker natcho like i just dont know how im supposed to have my bladder on trial and if managers are only noticing that i pee more than them and not that i do work all day and extend myself to help out when things get dicey, well then like if nobody sees it i sure dont have proof i did it other that remember that time we had a massive dinner rush and i stayed an hr past my shift and was not only the sole person taking food to the tables but also taking dishes back and washing tables and restocking junk in the dining room, no you don't remember because nobody was working beside me and so as far as everyone else knows i did nothing and so anyways too theres nothing for someone with anxiety who worries about being monitored and judged like telling me ive been monitored and judged and now i cant pee anymore, that'll teach me to give myself one nice thing thru-out the day. i also dont have anything to rely on to comfort me after something shitty at work and tragically work is most of my socialization and most of the only thing i "do" and i feel like im being treated kind of crap for the fact that i do put in effort every day to be helpful around there. like thanks that i have to bite the inside of my mouth now coz im trying not to stress / angry cry coz i have nowhere to put it. like i dont care if this manager thinks this shit is part of the job like i deal with enough shit in life right now to Not be angry about this. like boy you guys are really making it hard to think about having to leave this store when i haul off to a different area in just a bit and i honestly dont know about the fact that some people especially this one guy who is just a dick to like everybody keep saying shit comments about me coz they cant see me and im like fuck off. like im honestly sick of it and im sitting on the fact that this dude also has said racist crap ive been an audio witness too and said something racist about a coworker to her face and she told me about it like. management is part of what i'm mad at right now but if im getting narced on for the fact coffee and tea go right thru me then i think i have a complaint here whenever the next time he says some shit is like when i'm here i honestly keep to myself and try to be doing work whenever we need work done and apparently thats why im now getting shit and sorry this post exists and is so long but im real peeved and the only way to put a long rant from me about shit anywhere is to put it here

#long post //

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