#aight time to tag all these fools

[crystalbeastsquidney]

Halloween at the x mansion but it’s just everyone wearing starfleet uniforms. Charles does Not think it’s funny.

Bonus:

[isjasz]

Hi just ignore this if you want to or if you don't know or something idk sorry but I'm really interested in getting into all of the mcyt stuff that you're into but I have no idea where to start,, any tips or guides that you know of for someone interested in getting into that stuff 😭

HELLO HOW ARE U HERE IF U DONT KNOW MCYT OH MY GODS thats WILD /POS

Ty for sending this ask dw im really happy to help and introduce more ppl to these series!!

UM AIGHT SO I'd say my main main fandom is the Life Series! From season 1 to the latest season there's 3rd Life, Last Life, Double Life, Limited Life, Secret Life, Real Life (april fools special), and Wild Life that just ended tdy. It is a improv death game series packed with shenanigans, alliances, betrayals, and ofc fun, with different minecraft gimmicks every season <3 Up to u if u want to watch from the first season (there are several movies from different povs, I'd say Grian's is a good starting point) or watch some from the latest series Wild Life to get a feel for it :D (lizzie's episodes are relatively short if you prefer that!)

And then after that go watch animatics oh my god theyre so good, also consume fanart, and fyi the tag we use on tumblr for life series are #trafficblr and #traffic smp o7

AND THEN if u end up liking some of the content creators (ccs), a lot of them are also on Hermitcraft which is kinda my secondary fandom ish :D! A lot of fun shenanigans and amazing building happen there. The current season is season 10, and I'd say you dont really need to watch previous seasons to understand the current one 🫡 (same for life series, tho ofc a lot of people make references back to previous series) (but also I recommend watching hermitcraft season 8 if u have time its SO GOOD)

AND YEAH I THINK THATS ABT IT i hope that clears things up a little :D feel free to lmk what u decide to watch and what u think about them if u do! I'd love to hear about it🫶💥

[purple-splattered-soul]

Time to make a pinned post, it’s all over for you fools!

Ayo!!! They call me Emily in these streets, she/they, 19 (for now)

This is an unorganized mess. I do not use the queue. You have been warned.

I shitpost a lot but also. Sometimes serious stuff too. I also will have fandom shit on here, tagged accordingly. When the brainrot hits, you will Hear About It through copious reblogs of stuff.

Aight?? Aight

My Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SG3SoulInk/works

Enjoy!!

[rulimaquina]

My Brother

Fandom: Star Wars.

Characters: Janek "Tank" Sunber. Luke Skywalker.

Ship: None.

Warnings: Mention of alcohol. Mention of guns.

Just a short character exploration of what I would have liked to see more of in the comics, since we only get mentions of it.

DO NOT TAG AS SHIP!

"We should go to Beggar's Canyon!"

Luke's tone alone is enough to warn them all that he's about to bounce off his seat with excitement, Janek plants one hand on the back of Luke's neck, firm but gentle. They're sharing a bench and he doesn't need Luke to shake it, especially not when Janek's been drinking and would appreciate some calmness– there's also Fixer on the other end of the bench, who has also been drinking, eating, and so happens to be known for having a weak stomach when he's got enough spotchka in him. But he shakes Luke a little, just to try and help get some of that energy out of him.

"That's not a bad idea," Biggs joins in. "We haven't tried flying there since last time Luke tried to get through the needle."

It soon becomes clear that the general consensus is they'll be going to Beggar's Canyon.

Janek let's out a deep whine. "Can't go," he laments. "Mama wants me home early. I'm supposed to be fixing vaporators right now, told her I could do it before it got too dark out later."

The front door swings open and every patron at Tosche Station is left staring out of instinct. In comes a man that needs no introduction, for on Tatooine, people don't need to know the name of a person as much as they need to know what they do for a living. This man, they all know, shoots people for a living.

"Who in here is Luke Skywalker?"

And of course, he's after Luke.

The bounty hunter moves between tables, daring people into looking him in the eye as one by one, heads begin to duck to avoid his gaze. By the time he reaches their table, only one of the boys is still looking at him.

Janek stands up. The bounty hunter is not short by any means and yet, Janek, being almost a whole foot taller, towers over him with ease. Especially when he makes a point of straightening his back and looking down at the armed man without tilting his head down.

"I am Luke Skywalker," he says. "What's your business with me?"

The atmosphere becomes somehow even tenser as the seconds drag on. What were the chances that the bounty hunter would fall for it? Were there even any chances that he would fall for it? It was hard to know with hunters because, while bounty hunters in general were a common sight on Tatooine, specific individuals came and went, faces changed all the time, as many ended up dead on the job or by each other's hand. This one didn't seem too convinced. He didn't seem much of anything, other than to be slowly growing more concerned for his own safety.

Either way, when Janek takes a step around the table to be closer, hand at his hip and already holding onto the handle of his blaster, the bounty hunter takes a step back. Many times, Luke and the others joked about how Tank was just too tall and bulky for the average Carbonite slab, how if he did anything that led to that– or more like if he ever got caught, someone would need to get a custom one to fit him. It seems they're not the only ones who think so.

"There's word you killed one of Graballa's men," the man says. "I've been tasked with informing you that there will be repercussions if you try to leave the planet."

Janek glances down at the man's blaster. "Just that?"

Another tense silence, only broken when the bounty hunter's gun returns to its holster. Janek doesn't take his hand off his own blaster. In fact, he digs deeper into the holster, making sure he has a good grip on it.

"Just that."

"The way you barged in could've fooled me– but, aight..." Janek manages a smile, but it's far from friendly. "Consider me informed."

They share a stiff nod and the man moves to leave. Janek doesn't take his eyes off him, follows him with just his gaze all the way through the Station and out the door, and continues to stare at the door even after the bounty hunter is well out of sight. It isn't until the other patrons resume their conversations around them, a little quieter and more cautious, that he turns his eyes away from the door to instead direct his glare at Luke– who was already sinking in his seat and staring up at him like a scolded Massiff before Janek's gaze even reached him. Janek needs no words to communicate what he wants to know:

Luke, what the fuck did you do?

[queerfables]

#OP i-...i- *clutches my head in my hands in a corner*#i chanced upon this post a few times and i scrolled quickly because i was not ready. now that i have some free time—STILL CLUTCHING MY HEAD#i saved the link and did not give myself the chance to process this but what the fuck y'all the psychic damage was still the SAME#CRYING ILL SCREAMING AND SICK#STOP THE JOB MINISODE IS MY FAVORITE#AND I WAS SO QUICK TO NOTICE ON HOW AZIRAPHALE DID NOT DOUBT CROWLEY. NOT AS HE DID WITH HEAVEN.#look at how he was scrambling for purchase with heaven. he was desperately poking through heaven's reasons & scanning paperwork. its all:#“what. what?? but we're supposed to be the good guys? ...Um guys.”#“Oh yes yes i am reading the fine print. Oh! so the children will be- wait. what. Uhm pardon???”#“ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THIS? oh dear- oh no! i'm not questioning the will of the Almighty what makes you say that ha ha ha”#while with Crowley its like:#“you have permit?? ok babe *rolls eyes* i know you wont”#“ah heaven's not budging. aight time to call out on my crush's bluff”#“I KNOW YOU LOVE KIDS AND KIDS YOU CANT FOOL ME”#“aw :((... wait HA! I KNEW IT YOU FAKE SNAKE”#and he does this all with a knowing cheeky grin#and then he had a morality and existential crisis and a breakdown later#just a normal day for our Aziraphale. he's so silly and pookie<3

Thank you for these tags, @wanyinchen. They made my day.

I am so insane about the Job arc.

God says, "I will destroy Job's children," and Aziraphale says, "How did he wrong you?"

God says, "I will destroy Job's children," and Aziraphale says, "How will you make it right?"

God says, "I will destroy Job's children," and Aziraphale says, "Gosh, I don't doubt you know what you are doing and all, but maybe we could slow things down a little and talk about this? And it's essential to the divine plan? Are we sure?"

Crowley says, "I will destroy Job's children," and Aziraphale looks him in the eye and says, "No, you won't."

[pixyys]

theatrics of the fools

ft. the impostor and and the cryo archon

genshin impostor au! except you are truly a mere impostor, not the creator. so no one shall worship you, nor hold you in pedestal. but that doesn't mean everyone is out for your head, for there are many other unfortunate, forsaken people who made themselves enemies of the divine for the unjust, cruel fate enforced upon them; people not unlike the impostor of tevyat's beloved creator.

warning. blood, injuries, not proofread.

you plan to wage war against the divine," you scoff, "you're leading everyone to their demise."

the tsaritsa's dominion has always been known as the coldest of all tevyat. true to those words, her kremlin, the zapolyarny palace is unbearably crisp.

"interesting," the queen, unperturbed, all but gaze down on you from her throne. "coming from a sinner whose eyes has seen horrors, i daresay, even i have never witnessed."

her eyes pin on you. it's like having all your bones and nerves cracked and severed on the confines of dragonspine all over again.

you wanted to let out a cackle, a mockery, curses. to the tsaritsa? to all the archons and their coldblooded, savage people? to the heavens? to yourself?

you can feel your appendages going numb. you have lost a lot of blood, nothing but a messy puddle of meat and red on the frigid floors of the opulent palace. so what use of cursing anyone now?

"you are a fool," the queen strides forward, chanting the mantra you've always murmured. the mantra you chant each and every time your foolish, hopeful mind dares to imagine mercy from the people you once held close to heart.

"a clown, a plaything betrayed by the forces of heavens."

your fractured spine no longer lets you sit straight to meet her eyes.

you force a chuckle, what came out are splatters of viscous, crimson liquid you're familiar, oh! so familiar with! and yet-

"like you?" you dare to defy.

"like all of us," but the queen complies.

"out of all of us, truly, you must be the one who knows the the divine heavens most," her voice came closer. you can only make out what seems to be her the end of her dress from your dwindling, crimson stained sight.

"after all, they treat you best, did they not, impostor?"

you wanted to cry, but your tears had so long dried. you wanted to scream, but your throats had so long choked on your own blood.

ha! how am i going to tag this. this is not even a tsaritsa x reader (but i'll tag it anyway, heh) she's basically judging and mocking you- aside from trying to get you, the impostor who stumbled bloody and battered into her region, to her side. you are technically, possibly, one of them: people who are wronged by celestia. you're just.. a person!.. right? who gets the short end of the stick when (presumably) celestia goes, "aight, let's give this person who is definitely not the creator a face like the creator's." because who else can do such a thing?

i decided to post this because the harbingers reveal made me go apesheet. also wanted to include the harbingers in this too, but can't think of how-

this is originally part of a bigger various genshin x reader fic i'm planning. but i figured it will take a bloody long time till it reaches the snezhnaya arc (or when i'll actually write and finish the fic lmao) so boom! a random standalone scene haha

[theflyingfeeling]

Okay okay bear with me with this one because I had Thoughts™ about Cult Channel this morning and I’m making it all of your problem now

First of all I gotta say I don’t really have a specific plot or anything. Sometimes it’s enough to just vibe okay ✨

Anyhow, cult leader Olli is a vicious man with some sorta (childhood?) trauma because of course there’s trauma (what kind? fuck if I know). Everyone loves him and fears him at the same time, except for his inner circle who just loves him, unconditionally and despite all the monstrosities he does

What kinda cult is it? I don’t know exactly, but it’s definitely creepy and definitely not legal 💀

He’s a bad bad man, but inside he’s so so broken and barely keeping it together

(Additional tags: drug use)

Aight, you ready for some pining and unrequited love? His oldest friend Joonas is pretty much the only person with whom Olli allows himself to be vulnerable, but only when things are really bad and only in the dark of his chambers. Doesn’t mean he still isn’t a manipulative asshole to Joonas when he’s in that kinda mood. Does that mean Joonas is still ready to kill and die for him? Absolutely, in a heartbeat. He is so far up Olli’s ass and he knows it, but he can’t help it. He needs to protect Olli, no matter what bridges he may burn and the hearts he may break in the process 💔

Oh, that not enough for you? Well, Joel has not been in the inner circle for long enough to make it in the leader’s bedroom yet – until he does, and falls head over heels, thinking Olli feels the same (you fool). Joonas knows exactly how Joel feels when they witness Tommi entering the cult leader’s chambers one night (Tommi gets invited whenever Olli is in need of a particularly wild time), and the two end up comforting each other, in more than one occasion, enough for poor Joel to fall for Joonas and then break his own heart once he finds Joonas in Olli’s bed again (Joonas knew he shouldn’t, because he has really started to like Joel too, but one look from Olli is all it takes to make him surrender)

I’m happy to tell you, not everyone is in love with Olli. Niko, always the rebel, would follow Olli into the fire for sure, but recently he has begun to challenge Olli in various situations. Does he wish he was the leader? Who knows 👀

Aleksi is a cop, hired to infiltrate into the cult to catch the leader and his minions red-handed, but he and Niko fall in love. However, it’s Aleksi who gets caught instead and is thrown in the dungeon (because of course the cult has dungeons) until Olli comes up with a suitable punishment for the man. Niko is heartbroken for the betrayal but helps Aleksi escape nevertheless, but not without making Aleksi take an oath to not tell anyone anything about the cult, because despite everything, it’s the only family Niko has ever had. Aleksi is conflicted but promises Niko he won’t rat on them. After a couple of weeks missing Aleksi like crazy, Niko purposefully starts a fight in a bar downtown and, according to his plan, is thrown in the drunk tank where Aleksi finds him and takes him home. *insert a scene where the two of them are lying naked in Aleksi’s bed, with Niko groping Aleksi’s now short hair, blatantly telling him he preferred it long (but he still loves him)* 👮‍♂️

(this part of the plot may or may not be inspired by a show I’ve been watching on Netflix recently hehe, but just imagine Aleksi all buff in a police officer’s uniform 😩)

(the pants are so so tight)

aaaaaand that’s all I got so far 🤔 thank you come again 😇

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

Among Us: Mansion Edition

Aight because I’m feeling stupid--I’m talking absolutely Willy Wonka--in this Chili’s tonight, I think it’s time I inundated you all in random crack ass Among Us Headcanons for the mansion. In no particular order: 

-Y’all see this post? This right here is Leo and MC. Don’t even @ me. He’s such a bastard and she glares at him the whole time while he just fucking dies laughing in their room. When Theo finds out? He howls with laughter too, later high fives Leo

-Dazai, Sebas, and Comte are the MOST sus players on earth. Like these mofos will handle accusations so calmly and dismantle them so quickly nobody fucking knows what they're actually doing??? The others always skip until there’s hard evidence, but because of that they will often survive by the time the tasks are done 

-Every single time Arthur has even the slightest bit of suspicion directed at him for being the imposter, everyone just immediately votes him off. Half the time he isn’t the imposter, and every single time people can hear Theo cackling from wherever he is

-One of the easiest ways to narrow down Theo as the imposter is to see how long Vincent survives HAHAHA (Vincent takes 13 yrs to do tasks)

-Since Vincent struggles with tasks a lot, Theo will often do buddy system (MC will often tag along too--but Theo will just straight up kill her when he’s imposter and tell Vincent she’s busy with another task LMFAO Vincent always scolds him after)

-Isaac hates being imposter. With every. Fiber. Of. His being. HE HATES IT!!! He vents, they see him immediately, they boot him. FML. Also gives himself away because he will usually kill Dazai and Arthur first, and stutters like a maniac trying to defend himself--has no good alibi in a pinch LMAO

-Isaac groans every single time he gets a task in the electrical room. His palms start sweating because he just knows someone is going to sneak in and snap his neck while frantically trying to connect wires. Arthur most often kills him that way just because he finds it hilarious to hear Isaac curse

-Leo, Arthur, and Shakespeare are the ones most known to sabotage while they’re imposters. Leo just loves being a headache of a person, Arthur finds it most efficient to murder in the course of the chaos (after there’s a kind of false sense of security, he picks them off), while Shakes just love watching everyone scatter desperately like mice.

-Shakespeare is 100% that imposter that like stays beside Vincent the whole time while he’s doing tasks, playing buddy system, and then the second the game is about to end just straight up murders him in cold blood out of nowhere

-Comte will almost always enact petty revenge if someone kills MC early in the game--or at all. Catch this mofo finishing his tasks lightening speed and sitting at the security monitors, slamming the emergency button the second he’s deduced who the culprit is. He’s usually the fastest to figure it out; how quickly he responds is another matter lol

-Jeanne gets caught in milliseconds because he won’t even care about the mechanics of the game, and finds sneaking boring/stupid/too much effort (also just bad with technology, it takes him forever to learn the controls). Will at least attempt to kill in isolation, but otherwise doesn’t much care about being stealthy--and so is often caught fast (always kills Comte first much to the man’s dismay)

-Mozart is...surprisingly good at the game? Not quite as skilled as the trio mentioned earlier, but he’s very good at coming up with air-tight alibis and employs a slow, methodical approach. Will have 5 or 6 of them dead before anyone suspects it’s him, kills randomized targets, and will frequent the security room while people are trying to figure out who it is. Will do buddy system with Jeanne, and will usually find the imposter to avenge his good friendo--otherwise just does tasks and chills if he ain’t imposter

-Leo just plays to have fun! He’s good at it but doesn’t really go hard enough to evade suspicion for very long if he’s imposter, mostly kills people he thinks will be most frustrated with being killed/least suspecting. People are usually yelling at him to complete his tasks bc he often zones out when he becomes a ghost LMFAO

-Leo and Comte sometimes do the buddy system, but honestly? They just devolve into murdering each other so fucking fast it’s pointless AHHAHAHAHHAHAH they’re just constantly squinting at each other; they don’t trust the other as far he can throw him (Idk if y’all have seen any of Vanoss’ streams on yt but I just keep seeing that clip of him in MedBay getting scanned and going “nogla you gonna kill me? just fucking kill me you fucking french bastard” when nogla lingers a little next to him and I start wheezing because all I see is literally Leo and Comte)

-Napoleon rarely gets imposter, so he’s usually spearheading the crewmate effort. Gets his tasks done very quickly (if he doesn’t get murdered; though he often has Isaac for buddy system) and camps outside the security room after making a few rounds. Usually figures out who it is fairly quickly--though his accuracy is spotty

-If Napoleon is imposter he tends to have a hard time killing people, so he’ll literally just pretend to do tasks and vibe until the time runs out. It’s the inactivity and aimlessness that tends to give him away

-MC tries to be stealthy, but she usually times her kills poorly or gets walked in on. Sometimes she manages to conceal the body or her boo looks the other way to let her indulge in the fun, but otherwise she gets found as imposter fast

-There are a few legendary rounds where MC manages to fool most of the house into thinking she’s a crewmate because they’re so busy pointing fingers at each other she just skates by easy, but she always feels horrible after for betraying their trust (the men all silently agree it was uproarious)

-Vincent as imposter is fucking hilarious because he’ll just turn himself in???? Like he won’t even try. Everyone will tell him it’s okay if he gets a little stabby--it’s part of the game--but he just has no heart for it. Theo will often switch devices with him to relieve him of the stress. These rounds are always so chaotic because it usually takes the residents a second to deduce the switcheroo

-You know how I said Shakespeare plays buddy and then kills Vincent in cold blood? The hilarious inversion of this is that Dazai will often try to follow Isaac to protect him but Isaac will run away, so they will often be chasing each other all over the map LMFAOOOO Dazai will do this regardless of whether he is imposter or not, so there’s really no way to tell if he’s just messing with Isaac or has a lurking killer intent

-If Theo is imposter? Pandemonium. He will kill people off one by one in isolation and vent so fast nobody can figure out who did what, always paying close attention to the tasks that need doing so he has a solid alibi. Because Vincent tends to believe him and verifies easily, it can take a little longer for people to figure out it’s Theodorus. Arthur and Dazai tend to be the ones that are the first to suspect it’s him

-Sebastian will often be doing his tasks, just chillin. One can usually see him buddy system with Napo and/or MC. He loves to watch the other men be imposter and notes down their go-to tactics and reactions to killing and being killed in the game; especially if it’s uncharacteristic of them. All well and good right? 

-Sebastian as imposter? The funniest shit in the world. He’s similar to Isaac in that he hates it, mutters apologies and grimaces every time he has to kill people (note: he does not include Arthur and Dazai among people, sometimes smiles a little if he takes them out;;;;). Will lie convincingly only because his voice/writing does not waver--his stoicism serves him well. When he has to kill Napoleon, though? Forget it. He apologizes a million times after, but honestly Napo just finds it hilarious--will just be like “well-played, Sebas, as expected of our resourceful butler.” Sebas still. Feels guilty. Like you can literally look at the chat history and see Napo as ghost like “AAHAHAHHA oh he killed my ass, nice” while MC’s like “lolol” and Jeanne like “he got me good too, never saw him coming in nav”

-Person who gets killed the least? Vincent (I mean come on, it’s Vincent.) MC is runner-up. They don’t like killing her, but there are a lot of idiots in the mansion that do it just to get a rise out of her (cough Leonardo/Dazai) or just because she’s an easy target in the moment

-Person who gets killed the most? Usually Arthur, runner-up Isaac (Arthur because everyone seeks to get back at him for his shenanigans irl, Isaac because he tends to get indecisive/nervous)

-Also this happens to Dazai once as imposter (Isaac plans it out of sheer spite) and the entire mansion was wheezing about it for weeks

In-game Colors: 

Comte: yellow/white/black (when he’s feeling emo) + little baby accompaniment or party hat  Napoleon: black or green, cyan when he’s feeling chaotic + sergeant/army hat Leonardo: brown + toilet paper roll Vincent: yellow + green sprout Theo: dark blue or red (feral energy) + cowboy hat or gladiator helmet Isaac: pink + cherry Arthur: dark blue or lime + backwards cap Dazai: purple or yellow + toilet plunger or bird’s nest Jeanne: always purple + “DUM” sticky note Mozart: cyan + surgical mask Shakes: red or orange + flamingo hat Sebas: always black + either the ninja mask or the chef hat

[fakeloveaskblog]

Yay lasertag!!! Janus you should totally go visit Remus on the weekend and hang out! Also, maybe invite Remy too, if they wanna come. Then (specially if they don't show) you can plan with them both to maybe go on another hangout with Remus but to somewhere you like and let Remy tag along for the ride if they wanna while u're at it.

(Words: 3153 words)

Janus: "Ah yes! I will let you know that after hanging out with Remus I managed to use my incredible totally very good texting skills to ask the Rems if they wanted to go to an art museum and they both for some reaosn, maybe they are being blackmailed, said yes! I hope it will go g-"

He cut himself off as he saw the two Rems come towards him. He had been waiting outside the museum. (Honestly half the reason he had choosen it was because he knew Remus liked art)

Remus waved at him while grinning. He had on sweatpants, a way too large t-shirt and a necklace made out of animal bones. Remy had their arm swung around him. Even though they had sunglasses on their eyebags were still visible.

“Aight gamers! Are we ready to do an epic art heist!! I got my sunglasses ready!” Remus exclaimed. He didn’t, he was planning on stealing Remy’s sunglasses.

“Partner you’re forgetting that we must first observe the security measures of the museum before we can even start to plan the heist” Janus replied.

“Oh!!! That’s what we’re doing today isn’t it??”

“Correct partner!”

“Babes I dunno why you gotta steal art when I’m standing right here” Remy added while posing.

“Good point. Good point” 

Janus had on a yellow bowtie he’d gotten from Logan, a loose purple shirt and black dress pants. People had to look fancy when they went to museums right? Remy had a skirt short enough to fool god and their boyfriend’s hoodie on (it looked oversized on them but with how skinny they were Everything looked oversized on them).

As soon as they got in Remus started to bounce up and down as he looked at the posters showing all the different exhibitions. There was a modern art one, classical and one smaller exhibition for specifically mosaic works.

“So whatcha you wanna look at Snakey?” Remus asked.

Janus was caught of guard “Why are you asking me?”

“Well you chose how we would hang out. C’mon you deserve to choose this too”

He looked over to Remy who shrugged “Uhm okay. Well. The classical paintings would proably give us the most money on the black market so lets look at those”

“Yay!” 

Remus quickly took on his noise canceling headphones and a chew necklace before doing thumbs up. He firmly took Janus’ hand in his. He sent him a soft smile which made Jan’s heart spin before dashing of with him into the exhibition.

A few big paintings from the renaissance hung on the wall. Remy came a little later since with the cane they walked pretty slow. Remus eyed the paintings from a distance before squinting at them up close. He flapped the hand he was hoding Janus with around.

"Oh!!! This is so cool!!!! This is from the renaissance but it's not using the chiaro oscuro technique like everyone did 'cause Da Vinci would eat their newborn if they didnt!”

"Is that why it's looking flatter than me?" Remy asked.

“YEah!! Augh I love the renaissance!!! Mostly because they were dissecting bodies so much!! sometimes for the sole purpose of drawing anatomy better!! I wanna do that! Or watch someone do that! Getting to see one of those old classrooms where they dissected corpses would be so awesome!”

“Huh good way to get rid of bodies. Great time for serial killers” Janus commented.

He let out a dreamy sigh “It truly was. They’re doing serial killers dirty nowadays”

They went through some more rooms of renaissance paintings. Janus made sure to hold Remus back a bit so Remy could keep up with them. The duke kept rambling about different shading techniques.

They stepped into another room and the style changed. Remus continued to flap his hand nonetheless. Janus was definitely going to have pain in his wrist tomorrow. It was worth it if he could hold his hand though.

Remy leaned their elbow on top of Janus’ head “This is like the baroque time right?”

“YEah!” Remus’ eyes went huge “Bean you didn’t tell me you were into art history??! Do you know about Ruben too?? I like how he paints butts!”

“What? Nah. I just- I can like see it on the clothes in the paintings. Can’t you?”

“Do I look like a time traveling fashiong guru” Janus replied sarcastically “That is honestly impressive”

Remy sunk in on themself and a hint of red appeared on their cheeks “No. Nah. I’m like a total airhead! Completel idiot! hehe I’m like tots sure everyone knows this stuff. Y’all are just bad at fashion. I uh anyway Rem you were gonna rant?”

“I was?”

“Yeah!”

“Oh....Okay!!” He looked around the room before getting caught on a small painting in the corner. He dashed over to it “HANds!”

The painting depicted 2 bloody hands over a table. They were holding onto each other. the red stuck out against the dark background. It was hard to see if they were supposed to belong to two people who were fighting or in love.

Remus looked down at Janus’ hand while playing with his fingers “I think my favorite body part are hands” He mumbled “I mean they’re horseshit to draw but they can do so much”

Janus looked away from the painting as well. He let his crush do whatever he wanted with his hand as long as he kept holding it. the way he held him so lightly but kept rubbing his thumb up and down his skin made him melt.

“Yeah they can do a lot of fucked up shit” Remy butted in. Jan nearly jumped. He’d completely lost himself in adoring his crush.

“Well hands can also be used to give snakes small berries! And to make coffee!”

“Girl I wasn’t starting an argument. But you sure did won it!”

Remus was staring down into the floor as he said “When I become a cannibal I would wanna try eating human fingers first. I’m sure they would be tasty”

“Why was there a when in there?” Jan asked in a small amount of terror.

“Oh yeah babe totally. I will like actually eat a dick” Remy agreed.

“Why is there a will in there? What kind of time tenses are you people on?? Does english grammar mean nothing to you heathens!?”

Remy got a smug look on their face. They poked their finger right into Janus’ chest “C’mon say what you will eat when you become a cannibal”

“Yeah Snakey” Remus squished his cheeks “Say it! Say it! Say it!”

The two of them kept going on while Janus looked like a sour lemon until he finally caved in.

“Fine. I would either eat the stomach or....the buttocks since they would have the most fat and sustain me the longest”

The Rems looked at each other before bursting out into laughter. “He said butT!” Remus cackled out. The other Rem nodded along and pretended to wipe away a tear from laughter.

“Aight babe let’s put the guy out of his misery” 

They motioned for Remus to go ahead. He happily skipped into the next room and grabbed Jan’s hand to take him with him. The snake couldn’t help but notice how Remy stayed behind for a monent.

“Oh cool!! We’re onto impressionism! The first real art style!” He sighed “From impressionism to cartoon furries. How magical the journey of art is” 

(Jan who had a scaley phase in high school chose to not reply)

“I love the music as well. Crazy lads. My favorite lad?” Remus snickered “De bussy!!”

“That’s my porn name” Remy instantly replied, coming up behind them. “Hey that paint lady kinda like looks like Terra” They pointed at a painting.

“....Hey YEaH! I guess my art is timeless!”

Janus looked between them “who’s Terra?”

“Well girl” Remy playfully ruffled Remus’ hair “She’s just Rem’s tots cool like cartoon character. She’s like all over his sketchbook. Makes it look kinda straight if you ask me but she does have like a very cool design so I get it!”

“Oh......Yes...Sounds very....cool”

The group kept going around looking at art. While it felt like lead was filling Janus’ chest. He’d never heard about Terra. He’d never seen his sketchbook. Meaning they had spent time with each other without him.

He pierced his nails into his palms to stop the thoughts. He refused to be some jealous person who didn’t allow his friends to hang out without him.....Still he wish he could have seen the drawings as well....seen them smile together...heard their shared laughter....

Oh. Oh what if they thought he was annoying. What if they preferred being without him. What if he’d forced them to come here today. What if-

“Hey snakey wanna look at the modern art as well?” Remus interrupted.

“What?” 

Without realizing they’d gone through all of the classic art. Now they were in the last room with not much more than a giant painting the size of one of the walls and a bench.

“That sounds horrid!”

“Yay!”

Remus quickly continued of into the next exhibition. Janus still had the taste of lead filling his throat as he went to follow. Until he realized Remy wasn’t there. He turned around and saw them sitting on the bench in front of the painting. They were leaning their arms on their cane.

“It would probably give us a lot on the black market” Jan said while sitting down beside them.

“Mhm. It’s pretty. I just like wanted to look at it some more” They lied.

“Understandable” 

The painting was pretty much a big flower field with a summer sky shining down on it. Janus noticed how Remy forced deep breathes through their gritted teeth. Their brows were furrowed and their hands kept shaking.

“Are you alright?”

“Of course!” 

“I have some painkillers with me. Would that help agains the pain you’re totally not in?”

They glanced over to him “Girl what you doing walking around with painkillers?”

He looked at them with the most deadpan expression “Remy I’m overweight. You can not phantom how often I get knee pain" He took out a pill and held it out to them "Here"

"There's really like no need! I can like handle it"

Even more deadpan "You shouldn’t have to ‘handle it’. It's 1 painkiller dear. I'm not exactly becoming a saint because of this"

They hesitantly took it "Thanks"

He did fingerguns "No problemo"

They stayed sitting for a bit so the pill could kick in. Jan shuly glanced over to admire them every now and then. Remy kept looking down into the floor while picking at their skin.

“I’m sorry” They said it in a much quieter voice than their usual high pitched one “I tried to do everything right so I wouldn’t ruin everything. I even went to bed early so I wouldn’t get tired....I...I really looked forward to getting to be with you two”

Janus heart beat faster. He pulled himself together to comfort them “You haven’t ruined a thing”

They hid their face in their hands “I’ve been tired and out of it all day. I keep like slowing you down. Don’t think I haven’t like noticed how much you have to hold Rem back from going faster! I’ve just been making this all much worse than it should have been”

“Well you’re here aren’t you? I for one appreciate you simply being here. You don’t have to do anything to make me appreciate you, don’t even have to talk. I hope you know that”

“....really?”

“Oh no darling I totally expect you to win the nobel prize while in a kind of pain I can’t even imagine being in on a daily basis”

Remy chuckled “Thanks”

“There’s really no need for that. I am at any and all times doing the absolute minimum to be counted as a decent human being”

“Sure snakey-babey” They had a soft smile on their face.

They moved to hug him. Their arms wrapped around his back and they muffled their head right between his man titties. Janus sat still for a few seconds, too flustered to think before moving his arms around them as well. A hand on the back of their head, another on their lower back. Their skin felt so cold against his.

Remy closed their eyes and let themself calm down. They could feel Janus’ breathing against their hair.

“I think my fav like human part is the chest” They mumbled out “‘Cause I can hear the heart beat. It reminds me I’m- we’re still like alive”

“Like a bloody biological seashell”

“Exactly” They pressed themself closer. “I like being with you” It was nothing more than a whisper, like it was a secret “When you’re here I feel a bit less like a rotting corpse”

Janus held onto them harder “Well I-I try my best”

“I know babe”

His heart was beating out of his chest. The people around them must think they were a couple. He closed his eyes and focused on Remy’s touch, on Picani’s words from their last session. He managed to push enough of the shame away and focus on the happy butterflies in his stomach instead.

Remy moved away. The moment broke.

“We should probs go find Rem before he starts like eating the art”

“haha yeah” Janus did thumbs up but kept sitting. He’d gone full idiot.

It wasn’t until he saw Remy straining to stand up even with the cane his brain kicked back in.

“Is there some way I could help?”

They didn’t answer. But they did lean their arm around his shoulder to let him carry some of their weight. They slowly but surely made their way to the modern art exhibition.

Remus was sitting crosslegged in front of a weird statue, he was doodling in his sketchbook but shone up into a smile when he saw them.

“There you are! I was starting to think that either the zombie apocalypse had started or you were making out somehwere”

“Oh yeah babe. Full tounge” Remy joked back. Jan let out an inhumane noise.

He closed his sketchbook “I think we’re done here. You’re looking tired beanie. We can come back some other day”

Remy held back the urge to lie that they were fine. Instead they weakly nodded.

The gang left the museum. Right beside it was an ice cream shop. Remus got 3 scoops of a worryingly weird mix of flavors. Janus got 1 scoop of lemon. Remy didn’t feel like eating.

They sat down on a couple of benches right outside. Remy laid down with their head leaned onto Remus’ thigh. He chewed his ice cream while calmly moving his hand up and down their back.

Soon enough they were deep asleep. Janus quickly laid his jacket over their legs. He didn’t want to accidentally see anything under their skirt without their consent.

Remus stared at him like a blood sucking eagle while smiling “Soooo now when beanie is in dream land.......Do” He stopped to giggle “Janny. Janny. Do. Do you like someooooonnneee??”

Janus just blinked at him for half a minute. This was too much. This whole day was too much. He was a wreck. His crush was asking him THis?! While his other crush was laying in his crush’s lap?!?

“Why- Why- What- Who are you working for?! The fucking FBI??? Are they after me?” He desperately tried to joke it away.

“No. No. But seriously JanJan!” He wiggled his shoulders around in a stimmy way “Do you happen to like anyone with a name that starts on R????”

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Janus kept glancing between his two crushes while his blushing could be seen out into space. He wanted to lie but his mouth wouldn’t move.

Remus leaned closer and whispered “You’re into Remy right?”

He nodded. A breathe of relief went through him. At least Remus didn’t know he liked him.

“OH I KNEW IT!” Remus yelled out in excitement while flapping his hands.

“Shh! Shh!” Janus scrambled to cover his mouth as Remy stirred for a moment. “Shhhh!” They cuddled closer to their friend and fell back asleep.

“I knew it!” He giggled “Or I mean Remy knew. They told me they thought you were into them”

“WHAT?!” 

Now it was Remus that covered his mouth. He was full on cackling “Yeah! They said it was really obvious! But good for you snakey! I’m sure if you murder their boyfriend you can get them in no time! Or you can become a fab homewrecker!! I can help you buy a nice sexy dress and all!!”

Janus paled in terror “How- In- What- In what way did they say it was obvious?”

“Oh y’know-”

The notif on his phone went off. He checked and his eyes went wide. He carefully moved Remy’s head onto the bench before standing up.

“Sorry snakey! Ro needs super duper emergency help! Gotta go!! See you later! Don’t die!”

Remus left him just like that.  Right after dropping THAT bomb on him. Janus sat unmoving. His mouth was slightly agape in shock. His thoughts were runnig around screaming nonstop.

He sat like that for over 20 minutes until Remy let out a yawn and slowly woke up. They took off their sunglasses to rub their eyes. Just seeing their vibrantly green eyes made Janus panic even more.

“Did Rem disintegrate?” Their voice was hoarse from sleepyness. Janus pinched himself to hold back the uhm feelings.

“He- he uh he went he went he sure did went yeah”

“....Cool!”

They stretched their joints, they all cracked. They looked to Janus and moved closer. He couldn’t breathe. They knew. They knew. They knew.

“Girl are you feeling okay?” They pressed their palm to his forehead “You’re like super hot. In both ways! Maybe you should like go home and rest. I gotta get home before my boyf gets home anyway”

“Y-yeah” Was all Janus could get out.

“Cool. OH! By the way! Girl!!! We haven’t like hung out just the two of us right?? We should tots do that! Just like tell me whatever you wanna do and we can do it!”

“Yeah”

“Awesome! Well I’ll see you on that hang out then”

They hugged him for just a few seconds but for those seconds Janus felt like he was in heaven.

They got up and left. Janus slumped over on the bench. His heart was going crazy. They knew. They knew and now they wanted to hang out alone with him. He turned to you. His eyes were wide and panicked.

Janus: “W-what am I supposed to do? I don’t know any good hang out plans! Do you know any??? I’m- this is all- how did they even know I like them! Oh I’m sounding like an overdramatic 13 year old.....This totally isn’t really overwhelming. I would hate getting Logan cuddles right now!”

[alovesongshewrote]

Hiiii idk if you’re taking requests or anything rn but!! My birthday is coming up in a few days and I wanted to ask if you could do a cute one shot with douxie celebrating his witch gf’s birthday 🥺 pls don’t feel obligated!!! I just love your writing SM hehe ❤️

BIRTH(Day) | Hisirdoux Casperan x Reader

Plot:  Your friends tried their best, and you had to give them that.  Besides, fire was your thing!

Word Count: 1,621

Warnings:  Pyromania

A/N:  Happy birthday anon!  Hope you enjoy this!  Also, fun fact, on my seventeenth birthday i got hit by a car, rip :/

Tag List: @furblrwurblr

“Wizard Dad, is the Witcher distracted?  Over,”

“War hammer, the Witcher is very distracted, are you sure this was a good idea?”

“Absolutely, don’t let her know what’s going on!  Over!”

Douxie sighed, “Over,”

The plan was pretty simple.  He was supposed to keep you distracted while the guardians of Arcadia set up a surprise party in your apartment.  He could only hope that things were going well on their end because distracting you was more difficult than it seemed.

But he’d managed!

You were now helping him fight off at least twenty shadow mephits, and you were not at all focused on the fact that it was your birthday.  

He wasn’t sure how it had happened.  You’d been walking through Arcadia, just vibing, when suddenly, mephits.  Douxie didn’t know if that was inconvenient or not.  On one hand, it was a distraction that he didn’t have to put any effort into.  On the other hand, you both had to wrangle the mephits.  It was, in his opinion, a draw.

“Douxie!  A little help please!?”

“I’m on it!”  

He blasted a few of the mephits away from you before rushing to your side.  You kicked one of them in the face before spinning around and firing a spell at two more.

“There’s too many of them, do you have a plan?”

He did have a plan, but that plan involved coming out of this unharmed and getting you back to the apartment.  It was not useful against shadow mephits.

“No, just keep fighting,”

You did for a few moments more before you remembered the can of hairspray and the lighter at the bottom of your bag.  Why did you have those things on your person at all times?  For situations like this, of course.  You were actually a little disappointed that you hadn’t thought of this earlier.

“Cover me!”

“Wait, (Y/N), what are you doing!?”

“Just trust me!”  you yelled, diving for your bag and digging through it.

Douxie covered for you to the best of his ability, but he was one wizard, and there were way more than twenty mephits now.  This was no longer a draw between inconvenient and otherwise, it was straight up not a good time.  He was seriously wondering what ancient deity he had pissed off to have this as a distraction, or what deity you had pissed off to have this happen on your birthday.  It could have been puppies.  There could have been puppies in the road for you to gawk at and play with, but no.  Some god out there had decided on shadow mephits.

One of the creatures jumped at you, but before Douxie had a chance to call out a warning, you spun around setting the thing on fire.  The wizard was pleasantly surprised by this, although he was a bit concerned by the fact that you had the tools to craft a flamethrower on your person.  Did you carry those on you all the time, or-?

You carried them on you all the time.  Aside from joining to form a successful flamethrower, hairspray and lighters were just important tools to have on hand.  You only used them to build flamethrowers though.

“Doux, watch out!”  The wizard jumped out of the way as you turned the flames in his direction, singing the edges of his hoodie and setting the mephits around him ablaze.

You cackled with utter glee as you set fire to the world around you.  To a bystander, it would be concerning, but you were having the time of your life, and Douxie was used to this.  He was actually more than used to it.  He’d been dating you for years, this is what he’d fallen in love with.

The fire jumped around you, seeming more alive than any other fire on the planet.  It moved almost at your command and burned brighter and longer around you.  It didn’t take Douxie too long to figure out that this wasn’t regular fire.  It was magic fire.

When you were done, you set fire to the sky for a moment, laughing still as the flames continued their dance above you.  And then, you were done.

With the mephits defeated and the fire out, you tossed the hairspray and lighter back into your bag and calmly walked over to Douxie, kissing him on the cheek, “That was the best birthday present ever.  Thank you, babe!”

You sounded so sweet, and not at all like a woman who had just set fire to a bunch of monsters.    

It was pretty hot.

You made your way back to your bag, making sure everything was in its place before zipping it up.  Out of earshot, Douxie spoke to someone you couldn’t have seen even if you were looking.

“Wizard Dad, we’re in the clear, send in the Witcher, over,”

“Perfect timing, Toby,”

“War Hammer!”

“Yes!  Right, sorry,”

“Who were you talking to?”

Douxie nearly jumped out of his skin, “Nothing!  No one!  Come on, love, let’s go home,”

“Aight.  Are you okay?”

“Yes, darling, never better,”

You bit your lip, looking at the singed edges of his hoodie, “Cool beans.  Let’s get gone,”

He smiled at you as you spun around, heading in the direction of your home.  

To anyone else, it might just be a regular apartment, but to Douxie, and to you, it was everything.  It was a place where safety was confirmed, where the two of you could be yourselves and just exist without the pressures of being known by anyone but each other.  And Archie.  Douxie loved living with you, spending time with you, all of it.  Even if some of the towels were singed, he wouldn’t want to live with anyone else.

“Douxie?  You sure you’re good, babe?”

The wizard smiled at you, “I’m more than okay, I promise,”

“Then come on,” you grabbed his hand, “Let’s go,”

Douxie was glad to follow you home.

He was less glad to open the door to your apartment to see a bit more than the towels singed.

“Oh, fuzzbuckets,”

“What?  I didn’t do this?”  you entered your apartment, trying to figure out who burned literally everything in your home if it wasn’t you.

“SURPRISE!!!!”

“OH MY GOD!!!”  you screamed, flinging your bag in self defense.  It hit Krel, knocking him out even though it didn’t hit his head.  You weren’t sure how that happened, but there was no time to think about that.  At the moment you were focused on the faces of your very embarrassed friends, trolls, aliens, changelings and humans, all of whom were probably responsible for burning everything in your apartment.

And it wasn’t only burnt.  Behind them, a white banner hung on the wall, the word, “BIRTH” was written on it in large red letters.  Someone had thrown glitter at the sign in an attempt to make it better.  The glitter, however, had not stuck to the banner, instead, it coated everything in your apartment.  You were pretty sure there was frosting on your ceiling.

“Happy birthday?”

“Aww, you guys!’  You exclaimed, looking around your apartment, relishing in the chaos, “Thank you so much!”

They all visibly relaxed, thankful that you weren’t mad about the mess.  But why would you be?  You were a witch, you could clean it.  Also, fire was your thing.  You were fine with a little soot.

Your eyes were wide as you took it all in, “You’re all so amazing!”

“It’s no problem at all, (Y/N),” Jim said, his nerves slipping into his voice as he scratched the back of his neck.

“You heard her guys!  She’s okay with the scorch marks!  Let’s party!”  Toby yelled, eager to stop stressing after what had been a very tense and flammable party set-up.

And so the party began!  It was pretty chill, there were many vibes, I don’t know how to describe it because I’ve been to one party in my entire life, but let’s just say it was dope.  Halfway through Krel woke up, and was totally fine.  Everything was going well.

And it kept going well.  

It seemed that the universe decided that a metric ton of shadow mephits and a burnt apartment were enough for one day. By the end of the night, you were pretty tired.  You’d sent the children and trolls home at a reasonable hour because you were a pyromaniac, not an irresponsible influence.

You and Douxie used magic to clean the apartment after everyone had left.

“Are you actually okay with the burns and the glitter?”

“Okay?  It literally could not be better,”  you looked at Douxie, smiling brightly, “Our friends tried their best to do something nice for my birthday.  Did they burn the apartment?  A little, but I don’t care.  It was sweet, and,” you picked up a handful of glitter, “They gave me free ammo,”

You threw the glitter at your unexpecting boyfriend, hitting him in the chest.

“Oh no, you don’t!”

The glitter fight that ensued was glorious.  You both fought bravely, not stopping for anything.  Your tactics were well thought out and nearly fool-proof, but alas, you were battling against the person who knew you best rendering all strategy moot.  After a fierce and shiny battle, you found yourself cornered by your wizard.

“Surrender, love?”

“Never,”

Before Douxie could throw more glitter on you, you grabbed his face and kissed him.  He melted into it, not noticing your hand reaching back for more glitter until it was too late.

You came away from the kiss before throwing glitter into your boyfriend’s face, giggling at the displeased look on his face.  Your laughter made him crack a smile before he kissed you again.

“I love you, Doux,”

“I love you too.  Happy birthday, (Y/N),”

[clarionglass]

tagged by @dheiress to post the first line of my last 20 fics (thank you! <3)

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line. Then tag 10 other authors!

aight my lads here we go, there’s going to be a few unpublished wips and other piece of dubious writing in here bc i doubt i have 20 stories but anyway, here we go (this is very long! press j to skip or just get that dash scrollin bc this might take a while :// ) in very rough chronological order going backwards, starting with the published work:

1. so i ran to the river (tma grifters au, unpublished yet but will be soon!): The sunlight feels different on a face fresh out of prison, and it feels even better to Jonathan Sims now that he’s truly home.

2. crowned by an overture bold and beyond (tma pretentious college au, based loosely on the secret history):  It was a cool, rainy day in late March when I first approached the Magnus Institute--one of those days that served as a reminder that the London spring, that fragile creature, was still all too vulnerable to the occasional strike from the claws of winter.

3. we should ride this wave to shore (tma chatfic where everything is beautiful and nothing hurts): Friday, 3:14 P.M. “archives research & statement envestigation” Timothy Stoker renamed the group “drinks drinks drinks” Timothy Stoker changed Sasha James’s nickname to saucy sash Timothy Stoker changed Martin Blackwood’s nickname to martini kart Timothy Stoker changed his nickname to stonked stonked: so how bout it lads saucy sash: oh god.

4. i am the maker of rules (dealing with fools) (tma chatfic, an elias-and-peter-focused accompaniment to wsrtwts): Monday, 7:39 P.M. Elias Bouchard to Peter Lukas Elias Bouchard: Peter, I need to talk to you. Elias Bouchard: I’ve had the most infuriating day at work.

5. An Optimistic Tragedy (good omens orchestra au that i swear to god i’ll finish one day): Three years ago Eve shifted in her chair, her mind clearly on things other than Milhaud and the music in front of her.

6. The Spaces Between the Stars (the Beast of a dw fic that i can’t even begin to describe; a mate and i have been working on this since 2015 and it’s a sprawling mass of writing that encompasses Many google docs--what’s on ao3 atm is a very small percentage of it,,,,): The Doctor clutched the TARDIS railing as if somehow, it could take the pain away.

7. Carol of the Bells (a chrismas chatfic companion to aot! i’ve always been a sucker for a chatfic but oof looking back on this one my formatting style sure has changed): [Friday December 13, 1:31am] Anthony Crowley to Angelface: u up? ;)

8. An Exploration into The Nature of Human Beings, sub. Homo Sapiens: A Research Paper by Milton Jones (british comedy rpf. this is my oldest piece on ao3 and it shows, but there’s a special place in my heart for this dorky lil fic about an alien researcher making a place for himself in british comedy. fun fact! i actually added the final three sentences to this a couple of days ago, and will post it when i do my next fic update): <<I knew you’d be down here, as per usual. Do you never stop working?>>

and now for the stuff that i like but hasn’t yet/will never/one day, if i get my act together, might be posted to ao3... please ask me about these bc i love them, even though i’ll probably never post them :)

9. untitled mitchell spy comedy (a show that @monimolimnion​ and i want to pitch to the bbc in which david mitchell and victoria coren mitchell are married spies who work for MI5 and MI6 respectively, and most of britcom pops up in one place or another. it’s nothing more than a Lot of planning and a few snippets, but i love returning to this doc): [David is sitting at his desk, shaking his head at an open file.] David: They’re taking the piss. That’s what they’re doing, they’re taking the piss.

10. In the Demonic Style (a good omens au of @teashoesandhair’s glorious smooching contest piece, which is the first piece of fiction writing in the reblog chain. i’ve promised a chapter 2 to this, which i’m halfway through, and feel incredibly guilty for not finishing. still, my quarter-year’s resolution is to finish something old whenever i post something new, so maybe it’ll get done soon!): “It’s the end of the world” was not a good statement with which to start one’s morning in any circumstances, but the angel Bryndael was in the middle of cataloguing his newest shipment of tea samples when said statement reached his ears, and he didn’t much appreciate being disturbed.

11. magpie (good omens canon-mostly-compliant fic based around the song magpie by the unthanks/the magpie folk song/nursery rhyme): Wednesday (approximately 11 years before the end of the world) From a bird’s-eye view, St James’s Park was beautiful at this time of year.

12. untitled ficlet for tales of dwrwedd (a present for my writing buddy! the link is to her fic, i just wrote a bit of her two witcherverse ocs being soft as hell): The two women seated by the hearth didn't look old, either of them. But there was something about the pair--in their movements, or their mannerisms--that suggested an age far beyond what their unlined faces would suggest.

13: Tempo d’Attacco (an original bit of Light Crime a la midsomer murders, set in a university music department that is naturally a thinly-veiled copy of my own, hence why it will never ever be posted anywhere. i wrote this for my supervisor at the end of honours (her character is the sleuth) :P ) Dr Marisa Tan didn’t exactly start her morning well, on the day that everything seemed to upend itself.

patterns...... i’m not seeing that many, tbh? idk if i could call this in media res, but there’s certainly a good bit of plot starting without heaps of setup. 

my favourite? hmmmmmm i’d say my favourites would be crowned by an overture bold and beyond, and in the demonic style. i gotta say, going back to revisit a lot of my older writing has been nice! time and distance have been v kind :)

i’m hella bad at tagging things so if you see this and want to share your own writing please go ahead! i’m very shy when it comes to Fandom Interaction (tm) so i don’t feel comfortable launching myself into people’s notes (i loved this tho! i just need other people to make the first move lol), however i will give a specific shoutout to @monimolimnion whose writing i adore and who needs to do this!

[kwanfairy]

🌻 Spring top 3 🌻

i was tagged by @choi-hae (´꒳`)♡ thankies ~

Rules: list your top 3 most recent favorite things for the suggestions below! Feel free to add anything you can think of if you’d like. Who really NEEDS rules

ok so instead of adding, i just switched out some topics!

Albums MV's 💻

A.C.E - Stand By You

ASHNIKKO - Slumber Party

GFRIEND - Mago

Stand by you will always have a special place in my heart, its cute, fun but also melancholic - i love. And slumber party & mago just feed right into my queer mouth with its stunning ladies and hot hot hot visuals

Colors 🎨

Teal

Purple

Black

Songs 🎼

GAHO - Rush Hour

BEWHY - Side By Side

ONEUS - Rewind

Honourable mentions: A.C.E - Down, N.FLYING - Sunset, DAY6 - One

Biases 👑

A.C.E - Byeongkwan

A.C.E - Sehyoon

DAY6 - Wonpil

As i usually focus on 1 group at a time i dont really have an actual bias list or anything. just know that i am an utter fool and complete simp for best boi BK ♡

Movies Show's📺

Strangers From Hell

The Boy Next Door

Tale Of The Nine Tailed

Not sure if #2 really counts but i had a hell lot of fun watching it - its just the perfect combo of braindead and himbo lol and #3 solely for brother-complex 'dont abandon me' Lee Rang LMAO

Games (any form) 🎮

Assassin's Creed Series

Detroit: Become Human

Sims

Groups 👬

A.C.E

DREAMCATCHER

VICTON

I've known some of their songs for a while but i just recently(-ish) really got into these 3!

Dinosaurs Animals 🦧

Dogs

Sloths

Manatees

Honourable mentions: capybaras, monkeys of all sorts, rats

Cake flavors Comfort Foods🍕

Kebab Sandwich

Lasagna

(my moms) Pork Roast

Books Tumblr Crushes🥰

@choi-hae

@minbinlix

@slowlydiving

this is in alphabetical order cause how could i ever put one above the other when yall have my whole heart~

im tagging @stitchzmile (dont come at me for not putting you on the crush list cause youre my crush irl aight??) @minbinlix @awwfuckno @emmy-clou // as aways feel free to ignore!

[madcatdaderpydrawer-blog]

Miitopia 16

* Colton: Know how to get back?

   Justin: You’re funny.

* Excellent, now he can commit more rampant monster murder

* Of fucking course you are

* He may be an asshole but he’s HER asshole

* Goddammit Diana

* I’d be scared if I was on the brink of death too

* I genuinely can barely tell the difference between the eye colors

* Forgot why she got so angry

* Awww Keith is sicky :( At least now he gets a break in the villa

 * Felix, proud about being responsible but terrified of being in charge of a small human

* god you are both simps

* 1) I dunno what vampire powers do to help this situation 2) I have a feeling Felix and Diana are going to argue over Harland 3) Immy looks horrifying with red eyes 

* Slightly accessive but aight 

* Again??

* I love how basically whenever Isabelle or Justin attacks, Paxton and Bentley respectively pop in to help. It’s like they constantly are tag teaming these fools. Both want to help the other because of their closeness.

* Justin is the only one whose gotten a good ending from sitting on a cactus 

* Pfff you go girl

* Oh so that’s what it does

* They would share healing items tbh. Meanwhile an exorcist child sits in the background

* :( 

* I’m sorry but it’s so cute seeing her dance, I can’t help it and you’re just going to have to deal with her smooth moves

* Be very afraid

* Mom teaching Paige how to ride

* Mom helping her aggressive son

* Colton is the type to lie when his sister makes horrible food. Like Sans and Papyrus.

* trying to send people into the void is very energy consuming 

* so is almost dying

* it feels like he is closer to the bed then normal. Maybe because of their fond relationship. 

* HFEUFBEIFBEIBF

* Sharing with a manipulative skank

* Felix...

* Neigh to fix the evil in that bitch

* I mean... at least they’ll fall into the water together

* Ah yes, the “I may hate him but you have no right to hurt him!”

* his hearts in the right place, even if he looks like he’s high 

* “Now I can continue to electrocute this desert lizard!”

* H O N S E

* Oh lawd he angy

* You don’t just deny tea time without consequences

* he learned his lesson

* I think she’s more confused because Diana said that it “reminds me of you” and Paige is now deep in thought wondering what the fuck this means

* It was bound to happen

* “I’m sorry, the sun turned off!!” 

* Paige fixing all them issues

* Aww... get in the safe hole 

* Peek-a-boo! 

* Again, this is what happens when I give Justin free will.

* low-key proposal 

* “Wow everything’s black! This must mean something really deep and symbolic!” “fuck I forgot to take the cap off”

* Why do all the neighs happen off screen??

* The good ol “yo you look like shit, take this”

* “I trust you, but this is still excessive”

* aww horsey snuggles!

* Gosh Immy is precious 

* okay but who ISN’T clingy when it comes to Keith?

* five year old tantrums all around

* Is it even a sneak attack is more then half the team does it?

* hang on there Bentley

* the only acceptable time to slap a five year old

* finally caught one on screen!

* What’s with that face Diana

* PREPARE FOR TROUBLE AND MAKE IT DOUBLE

* a little sisters love <3

* love song is honestly really important, more then I thought at first

* I knew it was inevitable for Justin to get sicky

* You don’t know how many times I had to do this fight 

* I was not expecting these two to be the ones to be fighting over Felix.

* “Fine, then die”

* That’s new.

* And so the chain reaction begins

* being slapped is surprisingly effectice for fear

* “It’s okay feral Keith guy!”

* irrational children support each other

* I don’t remember why she’s doing this honestly XD

* genuine shock

* I feel this will come to life or something. I think they got a cursed amulet. 

* Shiiippp gosh thats so cute

* “I feel like you’re calling me a brat but it’s shiny so I like it” “Oh I am”

* You made a terrible mistake. If Isaac were here, he would cringe from the memory of the time he too made the same fatal mistake.

* DON’T MAKE THE BABY SAD

* slap the five year old

* “Wait why would anyone try to help me??”

* You shouldn’t be surprised 

* Paige is trying to be nice to her while explaining while she’s being a fucking bitch

* Please be careful not to get run over, you are like mega midget

* Something about this feels wrong

* The five year olds battle 

* Just in case you fuck up

* This is a pretty accurate emotional reaction from her honestly. 

* “Your boyfriend died? slap Get over it! :D”

* No I’m not sorry

* Okay you actually deserve this gift

* He’d probably really like this 

[isolctions]

𝔅𝔲𝔪𝔟𝔩𝔢𝔟𝔢𝔢𝔰  &  𝔅𝔲𝔤𝔤𝔞𝔟𝔬𝔬𝔰!             

               — a modern, black af, HBCU-based AU group verse. now enrolling for the fall semester!

ᴢᴏᴏᴍ ɪᴅ: 0415-2018.

about the campus.

bumblebees & buggaboos is an hbcu inspired group verse, inspired by the iconic beychella performance, along with other black university-based media. (see: a different world, girl’s trip, stomp the yard, drumline.) an inclusive, yet alternate universe where your muse can live out their college days, attend the parties, rush the fraternity & sorority, show off their school spirit, find their future spouse???, and more. extremely verse dependent, however your muse is not limited to a fraternity or a sorority only. you may simply just chill out as student, join the sports or band, or show off your skills as a cheerleader / majorette!

about the sorority.

the iconic bumblebees are a close-knit group dripping with excellence. after pledging successfully, you may choose to live in the on-campus sorority building, within the dorm halls, or in an off-campus building of your choosing. don’t let the tightly-functioning group fool you, though — the queen-aligned bees know exactly how to have a good time, and have no problem showing off the variety of talents that their pledges have to offer: whether it be business, writing, technology, history, or fashion. keep your eyes peeled on campus for the black, gold & pink.

about the fraternity.

the aptly-named buggaboos are a group with their heads held high and their goals even higher. same with the bumblebees, your muse may choose whatever living situation fits them best after pledging. whether they’re out on the quad practicing their latest step routine, making themselves known out on the campus through a variety of sports, music, dance, business, & technology achievements, or simply throwing the loudest, most tweeted about party of all time, you’ll certainly never live a dull moment around this fraternity. keep your eyes peeled on campus for the black, purple & yellow.

rules & regulations.

aight, so there kinda are no rules??? i mean, the first time around, we all kinda just did our thing and answered each other’s starters on a whim. however, this time around, i will ask that if you are joining or returning to this group verse, that the muses of your choosing must be black. you can tack on as many muses as you want for this verse, list them anywhere you want to on your muse pages or anywhere so that others can come plot easily, so long as they fit or are within age range. if not, then i mean...alternate faceclaims exist for a reason, babes! so no need for your older muses to miss out on all the fun. (though, faculty members can be a thing too.) also, all starters must be tagged along the lines of ‘verse — bumblebees and buggaboos’ so that they are seen by others. however y’all choose to format your posts and tags to your aesthetic is fine with me, but at least have the group verse name clearly tagged somewhere in your post so that others can find any starters & threads of yours in order to respond to them. there’s also no need to wait on any one person to drop a starter in order to interact with each other, ‘cause most of y’all are mutuals anyway, but it’s fine if y’all wanna give your muses dimension / tweak their AU biographies and whatnot before deciding to drop an open or two related to the verse. finally, this was fully my brain child when beychella dropped — i pulled this out of my ass deadass the day after the performance, and lots of people requested that i change your lives once more, so don’t forget who put y’all on!

update 9/28: i’m aware that duplicate fc’s are gonna be a thing. and because this is not a structured / group rp, this is regular degular indie rp & i’m not out here policing what anybody does bc who has the time for that — it’s up to you guys individually if you want to acknowledge other muses that share the same faceclaim. however y’all wanna go about that is up to y’all, but since there was never any first-come-first-serve basis around here, it’s fine if you look at the muse lists & see that someone has the same faceclaim as another person — they’re categorically different muses, written by different people with different backgrounds. so it’s all chill!

returning members (look, this is for visual purposes only. you don’t have to list all of your muses to me fully, tbh. just use who you want, post a starter, and tag it.):

me, obviously. @isolctions​ — classmates listed here.

@hiphcp​ — classmates listed here.

@calldrcps​ — classmates listed here.

@fcdedlcve​ — classmates listed here.

@ghcstfce​ — new page & muses pending.

new members:

@mchvelli​ — muses pending.

@thvndcrstrvck​ — classmates listed here.

@tribeof​ — classmates listed here.

@outkcst​ — classmates listed here.

@fallcnshcrts​ — classmates listed here.

@stcteofemergency​ — muses pending.

...what you waiting for? join the meeting, tf!

[szivtalan]

8, 9, 16, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 25, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 34, 35, 36, 40, 41, 42, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 50, 53, 55, 57, 58, 59, 62, 64, 65, 70 (aside from Kagami 😂), 71, 72, 79, 82, 86, 87, 90, 91, 92, 93, 94, 95, 96, 97, 98, 99 for the "Asks, why not" thing please? (Omg that's soo much, I'm sorry I got carried away ^^')

8) Your looks (add a picture or describe yourself)

Average height, bordering on short. Broad shoulders, thick arms and thighs, square face, slightly projecting ears (one pierced, one with a stretched lobe), bushy arched brows, thick square glasses, faded dark red hair, dark brown eyes, butt chin. I look pale and perpetually sleep deprived.

9) What do you/did you study?

I was in a teacher’s training program for English and Hungarian language and literature, and I’m planning to go back to school to study sociology!

16) What do you look for in a SO?

Consciously: understanding, fun, sweet, kind and accepting. Unconsciously: somewhat broken and in dire need of emotional help which I’m desperate to provide lmao.

19) Do you prefer serious and meaningful relationships or casual dating/one night stands?

Eh, u know, it depends? I don’t think I’m fit for a serious relationship right now, so I’d prefer casual stuff atm, but on the long run I do want a partner to share my life with.

20) What are your deal breakers?

Really obnoxious people, ignorance and bigotry I guess. And I’m not keen on someone pushing or disrespecting my boundaries, either.

21) How was your day?

It was good!! My bro, his girlfriend and my friend tagged along to get our (me and my soon-to-be sis-in-law’s) ears pierced, and then my friend and I got a loot of food. I didn’t exactly feel good enough abt myself to be comfortable outside, but I got a lot of random kindness and that was Nice.

22) Favourite food & drink

Food: teriyaki chicken and seafood pasta, drink: ginger ale and iced coffee

23) What position do you sleep in?

I sleep half-curled up on my side, but I need to toss and turn a little until I find The Best Position.

25) Your fears

The dark, needles, rabbits (I don’t even know, dude), the fact that I’ll die without having made an impact on the world, being spoken about behind my back, being a bad influence on my friends.

28) Any pets?

Not right now! I used to have two rottweilers around the house growing up, but they both passed away sadly.

29) What are your hobbies?

Writing, sketching, basketball, getting on people’s nerves, researching typology, watchin movies idk?

31) What was your last awkward situation?

Asjhdh the ticket control guy told me to “Have a safe trip” and I said “You too!”. This rarely happens to me tho

32) What is your last regret?

Not holding my friend’s hand on public transport. It was…right…there….and she already told me she’s more than comfortable with physical touch! I’m a fool! Everyone thinks I hate touching but I don’t! I’m just shy!

34) Do you believe in astrological stuff? (Zodiac, tarot, etc.)

Ehh. Kind of? As for believing, I believe more in ghosts, but I do see some patterns in different signs. I just try not to let it affect the way I see/interact with a person, because no one deserves to be prejudiced for whatever reason, especially not their date of birth. Tarot is just fun, and the cards r cool

35) Have any quirks?

I bite the skin on my fingers, scratch my acne, make my knees jump… most of it is just regular anxiety stuff tho so idk?? I do think I’m quirky, but there’s just too much weird stuff to list ‘em.

36) Your pet peeves

Cig/booze stink on a person, customers being rude, bigotry, interrupting other people… There’s quite some things that annoy me asjdgd

40) Last 5 things from your search history

Boku No Hero Academia, Hawks, duck emoji, Grumman fma, How To Train Your Dragon

41) What’s your device backgrounds?

My phone lockscreen rn is a beautiful KagaKuro fanart of them standing in the rain in yukatas, Kagami looming over Kuroko and shielding him from the rain and Kuroko reaching up to stroke his face; my phone background is an art of they/them pronouns tattooed on someone’s knuckles, their posture unsure; my laptop background is a screenshot from the movie Déva, of blue skies and a street lamp.

42) What do you daydream about?

…cu..cuddling,,my…crush……..

44) What's your religion/Your thought about religion

Short version: barf

Long version: I was raised catholic (even tho I was never baptized), and attended catholic school for 8 years which gave me a really warped idea of Christianity, Which made me a cynic & an agnostic or atheist by proxy. I harshly criticize the catholic church and faith but sometimes… when I do feel hopeless I get down on my knees and pray, so I guess if I let myself find my own faith I’d be a believer. But right now, I’m good just existing in my nihilistic bubble

45) Your personality type

Needy imeanwhat. In a typological sense, I’m an INFP in Myers-Briggs, 4 core 5 wing in Enneagram, melancholic or sanguine in the temperaments, et cetera. Basically I’m a sad daydreamer with unresolved issues and a need to do Art

47) Are you happy with your current life?

Nah bro. I like my friends and my workplace but I’d like to move out of home ASAP. I’d also… like to get therapy before I go and put myself out there.

48) Some things you've tried in your life

Playing the guitar, hostess work, weed, cigarettes, being blackout drunk, smoking from a hookah, cooking, football, handball, basketball, volleyball, cycling, sailing, driving, hitchhiking long distances, folk dancing, one-night stands, long-distance relationships, helping people in need…

50) Favourite colour to wear?

Olive green, midnight/navy blue, white, grey and black.

53) If you could change/add something to your appearance - impossible or not - what would it be?

I’d… like to know how it would feel if I had a flat chest and a penis? I also want bigger Guns, and Abs, some more tattoos and maybe an eyebrow piercing.

55) Do you get complimented often?

I think so? I usually brush off compliments uhhh but yeah maybe! Maybe idk

58) Songs you're currently obsessed with?

My friend’s playlist reminded me that ‘Phenomenon’ by Thousand Foot Krutch exists. I’m also really into ‘San Francisco’ by The Mowgli’s atm and ‘Golden Time Lover’ by Sukima Switch!

59) Song you normally wouldn't admit you like.

I mean, it’s not like it’s cringe or anything, I hate cringe culture BUT. I do have Ariana Grande’s ‘Side to Side’ stuck in my head rn

64) Can you sing or play any instruments?

I can sing pretty badly, play a bad tune on my guitar, drum on the edge of my table, so- Nah not really asdh

65) Do you like karaoke?

YES VERY MUCH I live and die for karaoke, last time I did it in front of an audience we sung the Shaman King opening at an anime con with friends, it was Rad

70) Your fictional crush/es

AH NO FUN Kagami’s my number one,,, let’s see then: Aomine, Roy Mustang, Kise, Mikoto Suoh, Hotch & Reid from Criminal Minds, Yagami Light, Jaime Lannister and Brienne from GoT, Rustin Cohle from True Detective, Shizuo Heiwajima from Durarara!!!, why is this list full of men I didn’t think I liked men this much

71) Which fictional character is you?

Eddie Brock from Venom I mean? He’s a whole ass mess.

79) How much time do you spend on the internet?

Yike. More than I’d be proud of.

86) Would you use death note, if you had one?

No way dude. I don’t fuck with that shit, karma would fuck me right back.

87) What changes would you make in the world, no matter how impossible, if you had the power to?

I’d eliminate money and power and just make it a huge peaceful hippie community or something idk

90) What would you want to happen to you after your death?

Donate me to a medical school I don’t care. Make use of me! I’m gonna be dead, I won’t have any more feelings left to be hurt or anything asdghdsg

91) If you had to change your name, what would be your pick?

I’ve had a name in mind that I tried out once, but it didn’t really work out for me after all. I’m fine with Vee and Vic rn. Anything that isn’t my given name. I do want to change my surname to my mother’s, but if I do that I also want to give myself a different first name, and since That isn’t figured out yet, I’m just?? Call me whatever dude

94) Write 3 things about yourself - only one of them must be true

Ugh, I’m bad at these. 1) I have plenty of moles. 2) My eyesight is pretty good. 3) I’ve broken some bones before.

95) Cold or hot?

Cold in beverage, hot in weather.

96) Be a hero or be a villain?

Being a villain is way too much fun, but I have too strong of a conscience to pull that off, so… hero, I guess.

97) Sing everything you want to say or rhyme?

Asjhdf singing is funnier and more annoying, since I Cannot Sing

98) Shapeshifting or controlling time?

Dude I’m non-binary. Shapeshifting for Sure

99) Be immortal or be immune to everything aside from natural death?

Aight I’ll give in – I agree to immortality Just This Once.

[takottais-oc-askblog]

Oc bullshittery pt.7

--------------------------------------------

Bei: I trust flesh!

T.y: You think he knows what he's doing?

Bei: I'm not sure I'd go THAT far.

--------------------------------------------

Rico: [Finds a crumpled up piece of paper] Hey, what’s this?

Quinncie: Oh, that’s my to-do list!

Rico: Wow, you’re being so productive, good for you, I never thought that–

Rico: [reads what on the list]

Rico: This only has my name on it...

--------------------------------------------

T.y: What do you normally do when I’m gone?

Flesh: wait for you to come back...

--------------------------------------------

Peach: why is Quinncie crying?

Elliott: He's drunk and saw a picture of Rico's boyfriend

T.y: But he is Rico's boyfriend

Elliott: Like I said, he's drunk

Quinncie: [crying on the floor in the fetal position]

--------------------------------------------

Eva: [on day three of no sleep and forgetting to eat, looking completely dead inside] Self-care is for the WEAK!

Cake: [coughs]

Eva: [frantically swaddling her in blankets] We need an ambulance!!!

--------------------------------------------

Flesh: [Talking about Eva] Don’t worry! She likes your butt and your fancy hair.

Cake: [As she runs her hand through her hair] She thinks it’s fancy?

--------------------------------------------

Camie brown: Wait, you're gay? As in, gay...gay? As in, you like women?

Peak Lilly: I thought I was being...

Peak Lilly: Crystal queer

--------------------------------------------

Bei: alright boys ready to g– Thomas where’s your vest?

Elliott: [smiling mischievously] yeah Thomas where’s your vest?

Diel: ...

Diel: about that..

--------------------------------------------

Pimp: Quinncie, baby. How can I get back on your good side?

Quinncie: It’s gonna take about three weeks of not talking to me.

--------------------------------------------

Peak Lilly: Why aren't the dishes in alphabetical order!?

Camie brown: WhAt thE FuCK dOeS thAT eVEn MEAn!?

--------------------------------------------

Flesh: [being kidnapped] Will I need my toothbrush?

Kidnapper: Shut up!

Flesh: I'm assuming that means you'll be providing the toothbrush.

--------------------------------------------

Bei: [on the TV] Boss won't get off your back? Girlfriend won't stop nagging you?

Bei: Did that fuckstick Eva sell you a bullshit dagger that broke almost immediately despite the fact that you spent half your goddamn savings on it?

Bei: Have you considered... murder?

--------------------------------------------

My oc's as popular vines:

Quinncie: so no head?

T.y: what the Fuck is up Kyle?!

Peak Lilly: Look at all those chickens!

Flesh: Hi welcome to chilis

Chii: Fuck ya chicken strips!

Poppet: ThAtS My OpInIoN!!

Charlie: Chris is that a weed?!

Diel: what up I’m Jared, I’m 19, and I never fuckin learned how to read

Peach: Wooow

Bei: Ms Keisha? Ms Keishaaaa!? oh my fuckin god she fuckin dead!

Paston: Hi my name is Trey I have a basketball game tomorrow.

Camie brown: I wanna be a cowboy baby!

Elliott: Im a bad bitch you can’t kill me!!!

--------------------------------------------

Flesh: [on the phone] dad? i need your help! Th–

Chii: is the apartment complex on fire?

Flesh: ...no?

Chii: then it’s not an emergency. [hangs up]

Dax: well?! what did he say? what do we do about the portal to hell in the living room?!

Flesh: [shrugs] apparently it’s not an emergency.

T.y: [being strangled by a demon] HOW THE FUCK IS THIS NOT AN EMERGENCY??

--------------------------------------------

Diel: [muttering]

Bei: Diel what are you doing?

Diel: I’m having an argument with myself so I can finally win something for once.

Bei: would you mind not doing that right now? We need to be quite-

Diel: Well I actually would mind, because I’m losing right now.

Bei: How can you lose an argument to yourself?

Diel: the voices in my head decided to join in, and they’re making some pretty solid points on why I should just kill the bad guys and take their money.

Bei: well that’s........ mildly concerning...

Elliott: MILDLY????!?!!

--------------------------------------------

Chii: In terms of instant relief canceling plans is like heroin.

--------------------------------------------

Chii: I hope flesh liked the shirt I got him yesterday. Oh, he called.

Voice mail: You have 17 new messages.

Chii: What?!

Flesh: Hey dad, thanks for the Bazinga t-shirt it's… great. I was just calling because I might need a ride later tonight. T.y can’t drive and I ran iris's car into a ditch after we watched Fast Five on Netflix together.

Iris: You still owe me for that.

Flesh: Yeah, yeah, I know, I know. Cars are really flammable, did you know that? I didn’t know that. Well, I do now.. but anyway I’ll call you later if we need a pick up from the show, alright?

T.y: [groans]

Flesh: t.y, you’re up! Talk to you later, dad!

Voice mail: End of Message.

Chii: I’m not listening to all of these.[skips to the last message]

Voice mail: Message 17.

[loud screaming of pure terror as a booming demonic roar pierces the air]

--------------------------------------------

Rico: hey i used to b uglier believe it or not.

--------------------------------------------

Camie brown: What is the worst thing you've done sexually?

Charlie: .... I'm not sure what I'd want to call a worst..

Peak Lilly: A man..

Coccoh: pppfffttttt!

--------------------------------------------

Eva: Stay the fuck away from my man, I won’t tell you again!

T.y: BITCH! I don’t wan yo man. Nobody wants yo man. That’s why he’s wit you!

--------------------------------------------

Peak Lilly: It was the 80s, we did a lot of drugs back in those days.

Bren: How could she even do drugs?! She's a fucking alien!

Camie brown: Your mother found a way.

--------------------------------------------

Random cop: STOP RIGHT THERE! YOU ARE ALL MENACES TO SOCIETY!

T.y: [decks said cop]

Bei: why did you do that??????????

T.y: I am not emotionally involved in this situation!

--------------------------------------------

Eva: i sleep with a bow and arrow under my bed.

Bei: oh yeah? i sleep with a gun under my pillow!

Ashton: weak! i sleep with a nanobotic suit ready to be equipped!

T.y: damn, you's all are paranoid as hell!

Eva: yeah? what do you sleep with?

T.y: Elliott.

--------------------------------------------

Flesh: So how about a change of name?

Diel: You know, one that sounds marginally less like a porno than your current one!

Bei: [unsheathes sword]

Diel: [running away] You just had to open your mouth!

Flesh: [ducking under a blade swing] My mouth? My mouth?!! This is your fault!!!

--------------------------------------------

Eva: [slides flip phone across floor] Fuck this and fuck you! You little spawn of Nokia!

--------------------------------------------

Peach: I wonder why I don't like anything around my neck.

Poppet: maybe you were hung in a past life?

[heavy pause]

Peach: I THINK IT MIGHT JUST BE BECAUSE I'M AUTISTIC, POPPET!

--------------------------------------------

Eva: -and that's why I think God doesn't exist!

Cake: sorry sugar, I wasn't listenin'.

Eva: what, why?

Cake: look hun, I just really want a cupcake

--------------------------------------------

Paston: wow, that jacket is so soft that if someone hugged you they'd die on impact. And I have a deathwish! So come here!

--------------------------------------------

Quinncie: [singing to the tune of "We Just Got a Letter" from Blue's Clues] I just got a message, I just got a message, I just got a message, and it's from your man!

--------------------------------------------

T.y: Bitches be like "You mine".

T.y: First off I'm on probation, "I" belong to the state.

--------------------------------------------

Bei: I was so angry at everything when i was 13. And i was right.

--------------------------------------------

Bei: [get assigned a mission out of the city]

Bei: [drives off]

T.y: [storms into the apartment]

Rico: [sorting files]

Flesh: [at the computer]

Iris: [sharpening knives]

T.y: ATTENTION SIMPLETONS! Bei has JUST left the building!

Iris: ....

Flesh: ....

Rico: ....

T.y: and guess who’s been deputized as sheriff of this complex!

Rico: [hesitantly raises hand]

T.y: M E! 

Rico: [hand goes down]

T.y: now [presses play on bluetooth speaker] work bitches!

[Work Bitch by Britney Spears echoing throughout the apartment]

Flesh: uuuughhhh not agaaaaain–

--------------------------------------------

Iris: [putting on makeup]

Flesh: [watching]

Flesh: Why do you use so many brushes for makeup?

Iris: Was Mona Lisa painted with one brush? 

Iris: NO!

--------------------------------------------

Bei: [walks into the kitchen]

Apartment complex 404 Fam: [eating breakfast]

Bei: just a reminder; it’s Throat Punch Thursday

Bei: [leaves]

T.y: [checks imaginary watch] damn, that time again already ?

--------------------------------------------

Quinncie: I made a fool of myself today and I will make a fool of myself tomorrow. Good night!

--------------------------------------------

Eva: the only two important Michaels; Jordan and Jackson.

Peach: [while pulling out Michael Myers mask] wooooow aight bet–

--------------------------------------------

T.y: they kicked me outta church bc i yelled “fuck the devil!” I thought we all hated that motherfucker!?

--------------------------------------------

Peak Lilly: You know, one day you could be a great dad!

Chii: I already am.

Peak Lilly: flesh doesn't count.

Chii: HE IS MY CHILD!

--------------------------------------------

Chii: so, what did I miss?

Dax: flesh died twice.

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Diel: my goal is not to be the best, but to inspire someone enough to one day surpass me.

Bei: you can’t just say that every time you fail a mission.

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Iris: wow i need a drink.

Iris: [pours chocolate milk into a shot glass]

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Flesh: I think your calculations might have been off.

Diel: Well, they can't be off if I didn't do any.

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Iris: [to Elliott] You... you... you rude person!

Dax: Go easy on him, iris.

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T.y: [comes downstairs to find bei up and about]

T.y: wow you sure are quite the night person..

Bei: buddy I’m barley even a person!

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Bei: No one expects an angel to set the world on fire. But than again I'm no angel.

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T.y: oh yea? Well apparently, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree!

T.y: [Points at flesh] But this one got ran over by a fuckin lawn mower!

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Diel: I look like I'm supposed to be stalking senpai in this outfit.

Diel: Who's senpai? Hell if I know but I'm stalking him that's for sure.

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