#ahhhhhhhh my heart

[dalkomhanchocolateicecream]

This is the Amazing Person Award 💓💞 Once you are given this award you are supposed to paste it in the ask of eight different people, who, in your opinion, deserve it. If you break the chain nothing will happen, but it is sweet to know someone thinks you're amazing inside and out [your feedbacks makes my heart race ❤️ thank you for them]

omg why did i just see this 🥺🥺 AHHHHH ur works deserve all the love and care keep at it babes <3333 ily :((

[bilbr0-swaggins]

In Final Fantasy we don't say "I love you" we say "Think what you will, but I think you're good enough for me." and I think that's beautiful.

[smileforbradley]

Stay

Part 2 of “Miles From Where You Are”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s been six months now since Brad left. As time passed by, it only got harder for the both of us. What’s worse is that my fear grew bigger, to the point of consuming me whole. Nothing that he could say would make it go away.

Every night I find myself drowning in the pain, the sorrow and the tears. It feels like there’s a hole inside of me, which seems to get bigger and deeper each day. When will this end? I’m tired of hurting. There must be a way out.

I’ve been contemplating an idea for quite some time. But I’m not sure it’s the best solution. However, it’s all I got.

I came up with this crazy idea the day Brad stopped checking up on me.

I check my phone, no reply. I shouldn’t worry, he’s just busy. I take a nap to kill some time.

I wake up and see that I’ve overslept. I unlock my phone and see that there still isn’t a reply. Not even a notification that he read it.

I check his social media to make sure that he really is busy. I see that he has tweeted today, more than once in fact. He even instagramed a picture! I look at the picture again and can’t believe my eyes. Brad’s holding some girl in his lap. It’s definitely not any of the other boys’ girlfriends or any of the crews’. I see the recent comment on the picture “you were great last night @bradleywillsimpson x💋 or should I say ‘daddy’ 👅”. I click on the username and it’s the same girl in the picture. I click on her recent picture and it’s of her and Brad kissing.

What the hell? He’s busy with another girl? My mind starts to race which causes me to hyperventilate. ‘Great last night’. What if they had sex? Oh my god. My fear has made it’s way into reality.

I try to repress that memory but now since I remembered it, I think it’s time. I take a deep breath then start typing:

Brad, if you read this I’m letting you know that I’m letting you go. I can’t keep reliving the same day over and over again. Pretty sure you’ve decided that already. I get it. I’m tired of every conversation always ending the same. There’s no point in holding onto something that’s not there anymore. It’s faded away, found something better. Crazy to think that this would’ve worked. Foolish to believe it would’ve lasted. Wrong to have wanted for us to make it. No need to reply. Time and distance has already done the damage, the separation, the break down…

As soon as I stop typing, I begin crying. Who knew it would still hurt? I thought I experienced all the pain, but this is by far the worst.

I finally gave up after he clearly did. All the hope I held onto before is gone, like everything we had. ‘We’ no longer exists, like his love for me

I was stupid to ever feel like he’s the one. It was too good to be true. He turned out to be like every other guy. Why must have I been so optimistic? This is what I get when I let my heart win.

I was blinded. But now that I can see, I can no longer feel. I’m just a waste of space. Empty. Lost. Hopeless.

I crawl up into a ball and just sob my eyes out. I fade into the presence of the darkness and my soft weeping.

Is this what death feels like? Or rock bottom? God it hurts so bad.

I wake up to my phone ringing. I hold it up and see that Brad’s calling. I let it ring until it stops. I now have 24 missed calls, like the amount of weeks he’s been gone. He calls again. Should I pick it up? No way! I should let it ring and ring like how I’d message him but he stopped answering.

My phone doesn’t ring after that call. Guess he finally gave up. Ha.

Great now I have voice mails. Why should I bother? He messed up. I shouldn’t waste my time anymore.

Suddenly my sister comes barging into my room. She has her laptop in her hands and places it onto my lap.

“You need to watch this. And I don’t want you to refuse! Keep your eyes on the screen”, she demands.

“But-”

“No! You have to watch it.” She gives me a stern look so I shut up.

I look at the screen and see that a livestream is about to start. What is this? The livestream starts broadcasting and there’s Brad on a stage with his guitar in hand and a mic in front.

He starts playing his guitar a bit then sings “Ain’t it sad when you miss something all too good. Turn around after waiting for something more. Dum da do do do dum. Get’s me mad that I left you all too late. You didn’t leave, now I watch you drift away. Dum da do do do dum. So you can find me, the tallest building in the tallest city. And I’ll build a ladder to the rooftops. I’m screaming from my lungs, I’m sorry I messed up. So darling won’t you stay here? I’m asking you to wait. So darling if you stay here, I promise I can change. And every conversation always ends the same. Darling if you stay here, I can find a way. But only if you stay.”

Tears roll down my cheeks, and my heart which had broken apart is now mended by this song.

“So darling won’t you stay here?” Brad asks, holding the camera.

I call his phone. He reaches into his pocket. As he gets it out, he takes a deep breath.

“I’m so sorry for everything. I got too drunk that night and felt horrible. After I remembered what happened I felt disgusted with myself. I’m sorry for pushing you away. I’m sorry for ever making you feel unwanted, not loved, anything less than what you truly mean to me. I’m sorry for every single time that I hurt you. Will you ever forgive me?” he asks, with tears in his eyes.

“Yes and I will stay here with you”, I say.

[zoombinisvevo]

nEW radical face album

cries loudly

but like

in a good way

[bacon-greased-pancakes-blog]

AJSHFJKASGFASFLASKFHASJFK

I have to leave soon DDDD:

BUT NOT-REALLY-THAT-ANON THAT IS SO SWEET