#ahh shit my bad
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Friday(ish)
Whoever decided humans didn't need a nice lil winter hibernation really screwed that one up.
My new hobby is spite voting.
Live music is life.
They've almost got the botanical garden put back together.
The book's fine. Enjoyable enough.
#i could go for a few months of dozing in a cave rn#wake me up when february ends#''new hobby'' like it's not the way i've been voting since i turned eighteen#(deciding to vote yes or no on a ballot measure based on who supports or opposes it rather than the substance of the proposition)#oh this one's supported by the California District Attorneys Association so that's an easy no vote#and the California Chamber of Commerce opposes this one so that'll be a yes#Kacey Musgraves was great#the symphony was excellent#i'm already exhausted from this week's concert calendar#i went into this sequel expecting to spend a dozen whimsical hours with the cast of characters i adored from the previous book#and the characters are there 💯#but the plot... like okay a successful author has a platform to push their agenda--and it's not a bad one--so... great#but it's starting to get tedious#and i hate those moments of oh this character is based on [name of shitty human forever in the news these days]#and ahh this scene is a proxy for [all this horrible shit]#and how much better the world is when [author's pov]#and like whatever it's fine i'm invested enough to see how it plays out#the novelization of my life is written in the tags on tumblr dot com
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progressing through the myth of sisyphus again
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#netzach#netzach lobcorp#obligatory drawings. ive had the book since my freshman year in highschool but never ended up finishing it due to how its worded and the#structure of it.. i need to be in a very specific state to be able to focus. mostly for reading in general but even more so for this#i have done parts though. never in its entirety which is a shame its a very intriguing read. hopefully i can finish it and then reread to#fully process. it is just 138 pages after all. its just so Dense... enough of book shit though. LOBCORP!!!#living hurts but the body yearns for preservation and people want to Live. to live is such a crucial want even if the self doesn't recognize#it on its own. everything in the flesh is designed to try and keep you alive. pains to eat the signals to drink the fear of hurt and pain#the automatic jerk when pain is experinced. the signals to show pain. yet living hurts. to survive hurts. so to sleep#to numb the pain to go through escapism to shut your eyes. general ideas. to see such a thing addressed and spoken about and acknowledgement#of pain and how it gets to that point was very stunning to me. it felt so real. seriously its hard to Not consider such a thing and its#rather scary? moreso when one doesnt have the words to explain or able to see such a thing experinced. it felt amazing? to see such a thing#Wanting to Die yet not to Die and to live but living hurt so much and so to get by and for the pain to Stop one does anything to soothe it#suffering is tiring. suffering hurts. its empty yet its excruciating. the want for it to stop and to not be there and experince it anymore#be it through various means or to the extreme to force it so that Nothing Else could ever happen to you. even pain. ahh nuts not quite just#lobcorp its just ramblings in general somewhat related since i didnt reread the exact dialog lately.#anyway skethcy drawings yay... i am fine currently its not super bad as it was earlier just a fatal flaw of thinking a lot (rip)
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Stop.
Stop it.
(CW for partial nudity(?), depictions of depression, a gun, and just general mental distress down below vv))
Plus another one!
ugh i still love these two So much but man😭 theyre So old i shoulda posted em when my girlfriend said to fr
Ricky (oc by @/akemima) is here! the lore for these two is Insane
#my art#indigo’s art#art#digital art#Enrique Estevez#Ricardo Ramos#puppet oc#muppet oc#muppet#puppet#oc#original character#original characters#telephone#welcome home oc#welcome home#full piece#artists on tumblr#old ahh art#UGHGHHGHGHG THE RENDERING THE FUCKING RENDERINGGHGHGH#ugh i fucking love these still bro. augh.#THE CLOTHING DETAILS MAN. AUGH.#i need to cook like this again#this shit took me Thirteen hours and it shows#the other one took me like#11 hours i just checked#i miss drawing daily man.#idk my attention span been so bad lately + i been in an inspirationless rut#my heart longs for first year miguel.#indigo’s ocs
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Hey guyszzzzz... i would draw some sammy stuff, but guess what? I just completely fucked up my hand. Yk? THE hand? The hand i use 4 everything??? Só...yeah no drawings for some 1/2 days until im totally well???? Idk
Yeah...that means that the sammy sweetsparkle rp acc will not answer some asks for some days....sowwyyy.....
#my bad#its a long story#it all tarted with boiling whaterand a dream#started*...#yeah#ykwim#shitpost#just saying shit#silly#lol#i say the most weird ahh stuff and then i put “silly” in the tags#yeah thats me#aaaayyy#my hand is burning ayyyyy
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My life has improved a lot since being more consistent with responding to and talking to friends and saying yes to plans instead of letting anxiety make me say no. Maintaining good relationships and having a support system is so important. I isolated myself badly for over two years just out of fear and anxiety and depression and I was REALLY suicidal not that long ago. I recently decided that I deserve to actually live and have fun and be with my friends, not just isolate and rot in bed and it was literally a life-changing decision
#:)#progress#it may sound stupid but I would literally have panic attacks#even just about the prospect of hanging out with people who were my best friends#and make up excuses every time#and when my addiction was really bad I knew I looked sick and ppl could tell so I was ashamed to see most people#I still get the impulse to just lie and say some shit bc of the anxiety but I try my best to push past it#by remembering that like 85% of stuff we worry about doesn’t ever happen and that I’ll end up being glad I went#life is precious you never know what will happen and I’m trying my best to seize every opportunity to see the people I love#and make new memories#doing these things are so beneficial for my mental health#I love my friends so much#used to be like ahh I’m so alone but I wasn’t. I was just terrified of everything and deciding to make up excuses
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Oh fuck tomorrow I'm going to be a little birthday boy I keep almost forgetting
#it's probably bc i dont have specific plans im just playing it by ear based on how the newborn will be#(the amount of time I'll be needed w the other kids basically depends on how much sleep the parents got the night before lol)#so i dont wanna be out too late... ahh i miss the club bro i wanna go#i love kids just to be clear which is why i do this but i also think I've gotten any child rearing out of my system#so i dont want my own. in a way it's freeing bc my future will just be for me and i won't have to worry about this stuff long term lol#ah but if I'm free on the 4th theres also something else i wanna do so maybe i shouldn't get drunk anyway#maybe just wait for the next free day 🤷♂️ we'll see#I've been highover BAD though shit lasted until like 8pm the next day. and i had to take the day off w the kids#luckily there happened to be other family there that took over but dude it sucked. i remember trying to help them in the morning like#ok sorry 4 year old trying to find pants i have to lay down in your bed you can do it by yourself i believe in you#so. taking the day off was a good call for their sakes too lol#he was fine just to be clear he could've done it on his own either way. i was just unhelpful 😅 i promise im usually way more attentive
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so this is what happens when i dont look at the yanqing tag in a while??? when did everyone start liking him lmao
ugh i have so much beef with jing yuan and yanqing's father son interpretation like, yes but also no; bc ive only ever seen fluff of them and no discussion of whether yanqing's a weapon or where he even came from, whether jing yuan should do something other than train yanqing so he can kill jing yuan when jy goes crazy from the abundance, like being honest with him about it etc
/j but like waaaaaa i hate when people put them into boxes it's soooooo annoying...... also yanqing + jing yuan father sonners always seem to put more focus on jing yuan and not yanqing; ie it makes jing yuan's character more interesting bc he's a father, not the other way around where yanqing is more interesting because he studies under/was adopted by the luofu general. it just bothers me as someone who enjoys reading abt the latter more .... glad that yunli (her design makes me shiver but thats another problem) is making yanqing less of a side character to jing yuan and more like his own person but idk the current plot of the wardance or whatever. if he loses again i swear to god i will smash the wall
tbh i wish there were more yqjy (or vice versa) shippers here because they could also be romantic imo. but sometimes ships give me too much tunnel vision and it's not strictly how i see their relationship... YARGH anyways i wish people understood nuance jfc
#also too bad i have an allergic reaction to strict father son boxes now. otherwise maybe dad son yq jy would still be cute#anyways all the yq art in the tag recently has been cute. finally people drawing my son and only main#hsr#my post#yanqing#also finally he stopped being treated as 6th wheel to high cloud quintet lol too many jokes abt him 3rd wheeling ren dhil and jy#so glad his tag is becoming His tag again and not a tag for 3 other charas where he's a side tagalong#another thought tangentially related to this post is a hater moment but there was one fic that looked like it was good and yq centric#and it turns out it was the most chinese diaspora projecting ahh shit ive ever read#which is not a bad thing speaking as a chinese diaspora but idk it's just suchhhhh a turnoff when its so blatant and too obvious#anyways a small hater moment
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KNIGHT AKITO CAME HOME SHARTING MYSELF
#project sekai#pjsk#prsk#proseka#pj sekai#akito shinonome#vbs#vivid bad squad#pjsk cards#HOKY SHARTBALLS THIS IS THW BEST DYA OF MY KIFE#SHITS#FUCJSJDJS#FUCJONG DIES#CUTIE PATOOTIE AHH#THIS STUPID IDOIT I LOVE HIM#AKITO SHINONOME WHEN I CATCH YOU AKITO SHINONOME
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ah shit only just realised its september now.... lets hope the rest of this month isn't like this.....
#just med shit innit. gonna force myself up at my usual work time even tho i have the day off bc I need to be in my routine or ill lose it#i am. very tired and very sad. and thats ok generally im ok ive been keeping myself so busy for weeks and weeks#and im glad im going out n doing shit often n meeting new ppl n trying to focus more on hobbies n get more on the life balance#but whenever i have a moment to stop i still get so sad. ik exactly why theyre all just old aches n wounds i dont want to wallow in them!!#lately its been well under control i only usually have one actual bad day a week and sometimes its not even a whole day#and the rest im.just busy and i dont know if im just avoiding things and its not satisfying being busy bc im still missing out needs#but i cant fulfil them so might as well stay busy and not think about it!!#and its okay its all okay im just so sad right now :-( but im going to sleep soon and then ill be busy tmr so i dont have to think abt it#i wanna ventpost abt it but also i dont rly want to bc findinf the words to talk abt the things distressing me involves thinking abt it#which will just.make me feel worse. and it wont resolve anything bc its all mostly outside of my control anyway just hurts innit#but im trying hard to make my life bigger than it was before even if its still shallow and not quite enough at least it covers more space#yeah yeah we all want to feel genuine connection and wanted and loved but life doesnt often work out like that so.#hands in your pockets player keep it moving. im goiny to brush my teeth and then rly need to go to bed zzzzz#.diaries#hope everyone else had a nice weekend i had a pretty good saturday at least. and played a lot of videogames today so could be worse#very glad i dont have work tomorrow as well thank u past me for booking it off ahh..
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BUD-A-BOOP-BOP! TWINS!
boy HOWDY have some THURSDAY NIGHT SCRIMBLES! 🥳 Now in magical TECHICOLOUR! It's older Twins! Fino and Fiera!
Design stuff below the cut 🤗🤗
My god I'm having fun with these markers. But the colours are LIMITED as I only have like 2 starter sets and they're FUN but deffs I could use a few more in betweens.
ANYWAY. DESIGNS.
Fino
Doing my boy first bc we already had fun with Older Fiera ages ago lmao
I'd been wanting to share his older design for AGES tbh! Had it in me head around the same time as I shared the older twins and Jacquie scribbles lol. ANYWAY
He is SEMI fancy! Big fan of button downs and vests/waistcoats!
Doesn't ALWAYS wear the vest
His shirts 9/10 times have funky patterns. Like fungi or flowers or just the weirdest fucking designs you EVER did see. His siblings and orc friend (Kenothy) all make it a fun game to find him the most OBNOXIOUSLY WEIRD SHIRTS. His collection is HUGE and VARIED and HURTS THE EYES FIFTY PERCENT OF THE TIME
he is like a walking mullet but the business is on top, the party is below. He is a jeans man through and through and you can pry his converse/kicks off his cold, dead feet tbh. they are ALWAYS red. he probably has like 10 pairs like some kinda cartoon character
belt is pink bc fiera's magic! the inside of his cloak is rainbow, like his twin's fire :D
the cloak also does have a big old hood and covers his whole him so he can look mysteriouse
and then give people whiplash when he whips the cloak back and pulls the hood down and. well. on fire colourful schemey looking young man
everyone's usually like "i didn't expect the freckles. or the fungi shirt"
the fungi shirt is his fave
plz picture a fungi pattern all over his shirt!
when he uses his staff, the flame turns rainbow too and the snowflake glows :3
I've said it before and I'll say it again: Fino's warlock aesthetic is "i live in your local forest and i love my family and i'm making it everyone's problem"
the outside of the cloak is a nice forest green! bc he likes forests (if that wasn't obvious lol)
he's pretty chill but has resting plotting face. generally if he's looking like that he has examined every angle of a situation and is about to make a bigger one. or fix the current one. or both!! and is VERY proud of himself!!!! (as he SHOULD be!)
he and Fiera ARE the same height but I drew Fiera first and started Fino top down as you do but neglected to watch the height lol. so just know. they are BOTH tall and BOTH the same height!!!!
He is the BEST warlock of the current era he is warlocking in. If Uncle Pyros was around he'd be mad jealous. Same with Granny Frost tbh. Grandpa Winter would like, lift him up like Simba like "THAT'S MY GRANDBSON! THE BEST WARLOCK IN THE WHOLE WORLD!"
(if the bio grandparents were around, you bet it would be a big case of "the in-laws don't get along" lmao)
Fiera
pink is her fave colour and the colour of her magic, so her shirt, shoes, AND hair ribbons are all pink, but it's a lil light, innit? like i said, limited colours lol
BUT WE'RE HAVING A GRAND OLD TIME DOWN THIS WAY.
EVEN IF MY NOSE SMELLS LIKE ALCOHOL ALL THE DAMN TIME
RIGHT. FIERA.
HOT PANTS! SHE'S GOT HOT PANTS!!! They're not that dark blue, bit of a lighter wash for her denim (but I don't have a lot of blue options lol)
suspenders are red bc FINO'S MAGIC! one is always hanging off of her, the other is always up. she doesn't do this on purpose it just HAPPENS bc she doesn't actually really need them? it's the FASHION. the STYLE.
sometimes hair ribbons are red too, bc Fino magic :3
ALSO wears converse but the boot like ones, bc I've always wanted a pair of boot converse! They look SOO COOL and SOO INCONVENIENT, AND THEY ARE COLOURFUL! I mean. Fiera's are pink but I'VE SEEN ALL THE COLOURS. AND I WANT.
I mean. why make OCs if not for them to wear the things you can't have/afford/pull off?
huehuehue
she's not THAT buff tho she is pretty strong. i am a writer by trade so my doodles are not to scale (read: scrimbly). anyway, she's probably usually a tank/halter top person??? this doodle just really wanted to be a t-shirt!
both twins have elements of their outfits inspired by the fam, not TOTALLY on purpose but it did make me cackle as I noticed them so TAKE THIS QUICK SYNOPSIS:
Fino:
dress shirt, belt over suspenders: blaise vibes
big ol cloak: winter vibes
comfortable shoes: jacquie vibes
vest: jack vibes
Fiera:
suspenders: jack and blaise vibes (both are known to wear them as an accessory instead of for their intended purpose of keeping pants up)
hot pants and boot like shoes: jacquie vibes
hair buns: winter vibes
man, I love the older twins. the SHENANIGANS they get INTO! they're a dream team, you won't know what hit you by the time they're through with you 🥰🥰🥰🥰
#the SHIT i DO to STAY AWAKE for critical role lmao#tbh tho this particular art has been itching my brain the past month??????#so I am glad I did it! and i didn't fall asleep during cr once >:)#dani speaks#dani doodles#cs posting#crystal springs#fino#fiera#the twins#ocs#my ocs#i want more markers so bad. but they are so expensive here. richard found them V CHEAP when he was in europe a while back#but i need more BLUES#WHY DID I MAKE JACQUELINE'S HAIR WHITE. AHH#also. fiera does NOT have braces. she just has a very toothy smile#and as previously stated. i am a writer by trade. not a draw-er OR dentist tbh#tho i did briefly think about becoming a dentist#for like a whole weekend back in grade 11#anyway. enjoy the scrimbly twins!#and apologies for the loopy descriptions lol. i wrote it at 2am and then cr ended and i kept going ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#and upon rereading it this afternoon when tagging the post i went 'it's fine! let's keep it'#tho I did catch the spelling errors so that's good!#she says. knowing full well she'll see a fresh one down the road for sure
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I love my mom but I have no idea how to deal with her being all guilty and mopey about my upbringing. Like yeah obviously I don't want her to feel bad abt something she didnt have much control over but it makes me annoyed trying to comfort her about something that ultimately fucked me up too. Her guilt doesn't really do anything for either of us and it certainly doesn't change the past. It just makes me feel like the work I've done to heal the damage hasn't been enough.
#personal#i was just trying to get some help on the spelling on my powerpoint abt parenting and loneliness#and shes all melodramatic like.. ahh i feel so awful etc etc. like 😐#it just feels like a very roundabout way of saying she feels bad abt how i turned out or whatever#and thats nice and all but i dont really care to comfort her about it#🙄 so far the parenting course im taking has been a emotional problem for everyone but me#like im sorry but can we separate the facts from ourselves for one second plssss. i just wanna pass lets not do all this therapy shit#i love talking about stuff im researching with my parents but theyve been so annoying abt it ive been forced to avoid it entirely this time
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I miss the times texting the ds dream bot where the bot is nothing like dream
This one does sound like him but it was just out of nowhere
#it was fun rping with a boy because sometimes they just say the most randomest shit ever that the character would#most definitely never say irl#*a bot my bad#ds dream#dreamswap#random ahh#was tryna clear my storage durin vacay and I found these gems plus a few more ones
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the greatest thing homestuck ever did for us was invent tricksters, thus letting us all design cute candy themed outfits for any and all characters even though the actual canonical designs looked like complete total fucking garbage
#they werent even based off of a single candy theme. it was just a mess of hideous colors and mixed motifs#i guess u could say they were just......... colours and mayhem? :D#teehee ^u^#but really making candy themed colorful outfits was the best thing they ever did for us#especially when we were all thinking of how trolls would look trickster-fied#it was awesome how we all collectively ignored that the actual trickster designs were ugly as shit#AHH!!!!!!!! EVIL SPIDER!!!!!!!!#ya im at the trickster part throughout my reread lol can u tell#such hideous gaudy fucking outfits and colors. like im sorry i dont mean to sound like a snooty snob but they really look so bad#not to mention the whole peachy joke controvesy. lol. (not actually loling)#but anyway im really happy we all just turned a blind eye to how hideous those piece of shit designs were in favor of cute candy outfits#i guess janes was KIND of ok. the most ok out of all of them at least#its cause her dress was a paler warmer shade of yellow it made it easier on the eyes#even though the whole joke was like. eyestrainy wacko bullshit. hers was the least awful
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man.
#i had this whole post ive been trying to formulate for so so long. abt my issues w ceewilbur and ccwilburisms and#to clarify i do like cwilb he is one of my faves. ik it may seem i wanna bite his arm off smtimes and i Do but#its mostly bitterness directed to the stuff Around him if that makes sense. yk the response to lots abt him#the way the overcompensation abt how he can be villanized swinging into a state where he Cant and never Did and wrong and if you critique#or acknowledge it you get snipped at and demeaned and treated like its a targeted hit on the mentally ill when its like#a mild disagreement with one of the most popular characters in the fanbase Easily#and w cc wil i do think he is just sm guy. im sure he's a nice dude idrc abt the ccs usually but he seems alright enough even tho he has v#goofy ahh takes and opinions but that doesnt make you Evil#but when i dive into what really has made me feel so alienated and snippy its. llmao its the racism yeah lol its super very much the racism#its very very prevelent and very common and very unchallenged. and it like. upsets me so bad its why i keep bailing on making my actual#full detailed post abt it. cuz everytime i try to formulate my thoughts i just get upset and frustrated i wanna rip my hair out#its hard not to feel like im talking to a wall when its so common and unchecked and. ive seen rightful critiques of these spaces and how#ppl interact with them Openly Mocked and brushed aside and treated like 'petty sensative internet drama' that ppl need to 'just get over'#sorry man im a fucking 🇲🇽 i cant exactly log off and Stop Experiencing Racism. and sorry that me feeling alienated and tired and sad abt#it is an inconvenience for you llol#and like idk. im not upset w anyone in particular this isnt a call out post or vague who give a shit and.#eh maybe im stupid but i really really believe a lot of ppl arent doing it on purpose#its just bein parroted ik i get it but#am i rlly not allowed to be tired? why should it feel like my responsibility to hold ppls hand and go hey mb treat poc and darker skinned#ppl like ppl. maybe you should examine why you need so many things made palatable to you through conventionally attractive whiteness first#idk. idk!!! am i crazy who fucking knows#but it has been weighing on me stupid style so bad#the shrinking fanbase and primarily yk common stragglers has just. rlly felt like a magnifying glass to my already existing issues abt it#idk man. idk im tired and im at work its 100°+ and my head hurts so this is all yr getting. lea me alone#and again this isnt a vague who Cares. just wanted to get it off my chest finally#huri.txt#discourse#<- ig
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theory: jimmy keeps his pipis behind the shades
PLEASE .
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if the world was a good place this wouldve been the c!dream team ending
#like in general i think it wouldve been cool if cdreams plan went to shit and it was this sort of wake up call for him#except actually ''waking up'' wouldve just make him Worse than he ever was#but this time with some self hatered ! so at some point he contacts cgogs and csapnap again and they basically tell him this#and never speak to him again#this kindaa makes him go uh . uokay fuck shit balls ummm this isnt good . and it pushes him towards Being Normal . For Fucks Sake#cpunz stays loyal to him throughout all of this until cdream tells him to fucking stop . become normal too Please im in love with u#and then he goes into self imposed exile yippee ^_^ to parallel ctommys exile lol#NOW . for this to work cdream wouldve actually been this way from the begging#which i dont think is true he genuinely was pretty alright at the beginning of the server#bit of a control freak but who give a shit cwilbur is literally inventing xenophobia against americans theres worse things happening rn#umm anyway this isnt even that good cdream would need to be a very different character for this to work i think#i love him not for what he actually was in canon but for what couldve been </3 okay ? okay . the potential was there but i hate the finale#which By The Wayi still havent watched . and never will#AHH shit lmanburg was against all non-europeans not just americans My Bad . tho ig most of them were american so my poin still stands#voidcore.txt
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