#ah yes my depression guy

[dreamybasil]

why did i suddenly downgrade in art

what happened just like a hour ago it was awesome

how did i suddenly downgrade out of nowhere??

[the-busy-ghost]

Minor throwaway sentence in a book on corruption I've just finished was talking about 1930s gangsters and about certain organisations in Chicago which the author stated were more ethnically diverse than the Italian mafia, and whose members were said to have included 'Irish, Welsh, Italian, and Jewish' gangsters.

Now call me sheltered but I've seen MANY Italian American gangsters immortalised in film, I've heard of the Jewish mob, and the police Irish American gangs but I have yet to see a movie about the Welsh mob. As a rule I don't go in for gangster movies but I feel there's an unfilled niche here and also I need more info.

[lovetohateyoump3]

my attraction can be a little hit or miss but LOVE when it hits. love when i look at someone and just be dead convinced they're one of the most beautiful people ive ever met.

[ladydragonkiller]

ah yes, hadestown, my favorite musical with songs such as:

let's get drunk!

go whiteboy go

man it's really coming down out there. orpheus play despacito

let's get drunk! but this time we're also depressed

you guys ever think about unions?

are we there yet (divorce edition)

[satorusugurugurl]

My Wedding Date is an Escort!

Summary: When invited to your best friend's wedding, you panic. One of the groomsmen, Toji Fushiguro, is your ex-fiancè. Not wanting to deal with probing questions and the embarrassment of being single, your friend Haibara recommends using an Escort! Taking a leap of faith, you book one, the hottest one. Gojo Satoru is hot, sweet, and funny! The package deal! Men and Women pay thousands to go on a date with him (even more, which he doesn't do often). So when your request comes in, the desperation and pleading tone of your voice. Gojo’s heartthrobs, even more so when you tell him you don't want to have sex.

Pairing: Escort!Gojo x FAB Reader

Word Count: 3,882

Warning: Mentions of depression, anxiety, language, steamy kisses, pillow walls

A/N: Ah yes, trauma dumping before things get super spicy!!! Love the communication, it’s giving this could be a great relationship but it’s complicated. If you want to be included in the tag list, you MUST have your age in your bio PLEASE!!! Thank you!!

Part One Part Three Part Four Part Five Part Six Part Seven Part Eight

Your breathless words had the world crashing down around Satoru as he stared at your flushed face. His eyes widened as he released you, his own heart hammering in his chest. He had never lost control like that before! But there was this pull in his chest, one that screamed that he needed to protect you from the walking douchebag with black hair away from his; no, what the fuck? Not his girl, his client! 

“Holy fuck, I'm sorry! Shit, uhm, I shouldn't have done that.” Satoru grumbled, scrubbing his hands down his face. “I’m sorry.”

Your fingers trailed slowly over your lips. They were still tingling. “No, it's okay. I almost blew our cover.” Satoru slowly dragged his hands down his face, his eyes transfixed on you as you spoke. “That was all part of the act. If you didn't do that, it wouldn't have looked as convincing.”  Satoru visibly seemed to relax, shoulders slumping as he sighed.

“Thank fuck.” 

“It was just weird.” 

“I'm sorry?”A white eyebrow cocked up at your words. “Me kissing you was weird? Was it bad?” 

Your face flushed more, the heat spreading across your cheeks before setting over your chest. “Oh god, that came out wrong!” Your hands shot up in defense. “I-I didn't mean like that, Satoru! I just—I haven't kissed anyone in over a year and a half. So I guess I just—yeah, I’m rusty.”

“No,” you jerked your head up, “no, it was nice.” Stunning blue eyes softened, making you swallow hard. He thought it was nice. He is the hottest man on the planet, and ESCORT thought kissing you was nice.

What the fuck was this life?

Snapping out of the trance Satoru had you in; you cleared your throat. “I-I think I’m gonna take a s-shower!” You tossed the extra pillow to the futon on the floor. “Oh, and uhm, that kiss was nice for me too.” You turned, bolting for the bathroom before slamming the door. 

You slowly slid down it, sitting on the ground as you touched your lips. Satoru had such soft lips. It felt really good being kissed like you were wanted. No, no, it was an act! It's all an act. An act that had Satoru pacing the floor as he ran his hand through his hair.

It was only once he heard the shower running that he sat on the ground. What the fuck was that?! His pale skin was almost red as he tugged at white tufts of hair. He never got flustered with clients before! Maybe he was going insane. He must be because his mind keeps replaying the kiss repeatedly. 

The way you stiffened, how your hands gripped him so tight as he kissed you like he had never kissed a client before. Satoru slapped both his cheeks before shaking his head. That breathtaking kiss was nothing more than him doing his job. He was looking out for you as a client. Yeah, that was it. That asshole of a guy was the reason his heart was still racing as he thought of you and your lips.

By some miracle, both of you managed to pull your thoughts away from the kiss. You showered before switching with Satoru. He finally came out ten minutes later, grinning as he witnessed you placing the four extra pillows down the middle of the futon. You fluffed, pushed, and sat back to assess your constriction before repeating the process repeatedly until Satoru barked out a laugh from behind.

“Quit the impressive wall you’ve built.” Looking over your shoulder, you watched Satoru pull a tank top over his head. He slowly pulled it down over chiseled abs that had to have been crafted by a Renaissance artisan. Because there was no way those were real. “I’ve never had a client do that before.”

”Please don’t take it personally.” You whispered under your breath before fluffing another pillow. “It makes me feel a bit better; I haven’t shared a bed with anyone in a while.”

“Hey, no worries, whatever makes you feel comfortable, you keep doing it.”

God, why was he so nice? Sure, you paid him the big bucks to pretend to be your boyfriend. But that didn’t mean he had to be so understanding and kind regarding your antics. If anything, you would have assumed your pillow wall would have irritated anyone. You know for a fact that Toji would have hated it.

His kind, understanding patience had you transfixed on his movements as you both settled into bed. You were on your side, facing him as he stared at the ceiling, his hands resting behind his head. The silence wasn’t at all awkward. It was comforting in a way. You didn’t have to force yourselves to make dreadful small talk; you could enjoy the silence. 

The silence, however, had questions eating away at your insides. “Satoru?” Your voice mingled with chirping crickets and the warm spring breeze outside. You waited until his head turned in your direction before you continued. “Would it be okay if I asked you a question?” His face softened as he nodded his head.

”Of course.” 

“Why did you become an escort?”

Satoru chuckled, rolling onto his side so you both faced each other. “I think I’ve answered that question about a million times, so it’s easy.” His arm snaked around one of the pillows between you, hugging it to his chest. “I come from a pretty influential clan. It’s all about power, money, and success with them, and being an only child, they expected a lot from me.” His eyes rolled. “The old geezers kept going about when I would get married and have my own kids. And I didn't want anyone else feeling that way.” A cunning smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth. “So, I became an escort to help people.” He snickered, hugging the pillow tighter. “Plus, I get to annoy those controlling old farts. So it’s a win-win for me. But I still handle my family affairs; being an escort is like my second job.” His words were genuine, and they had you smiling.

”That’s actually really sweet.” You shifted, inching just a bit closer to him. “You seem like a genuinely nice guy, doing stuff like this for strangers.” You giggled nervously, shaking your head. “That speaks volumes; I know you’re a nice guy, but I don’t know a thing about you.”

”I’ll tell you anything you want to know. Honestly.”

“Really?”

“Really.” 

“Okay, so do you like sleeping with your clients? Or has sex lost its spark?” You watched him curiously.

He shrugged a shoulder, smirking. “Sex is still good when it's with a good partner. But I honestly don't sleep with a majority of my clients. One because, well, let's be honest, they can't afford it. I charge double the price of a single day for sex. So that's ¥240,000.” 

“For sex?!” 

“Yep! So people can't afford it, especially when I do family events like this. But I usually refuse; I don't particularly like sleeping with someone unless I know them. You know?” 

You hummed, and Satoru grinned, inching himself closer. Another one of your constructed pillows shifted out of the way. “I understand. I'm glad you have the right to refuse.” He nodded, blue eyes almost sparkling in the light of the moon flooding the room. “Have you ever been in love?” 

“Puppy love, nothing more than that.” Satoru pursed his lips in thought. “But I'm not opposed to falling in love someday.”

“God,” you groaned, rolling into your back, “look at me, asking you stupid questions like I’m in high school.”

Satoru sat up, laying on his elbow as he looked down at you with a pout. “No! No, I don't mind! I like talking to you.” He was leaning over you, smiling wide, white strands of hair falling in his face.

“I like talking to you too, Satoru.”

Satoru wanted to reach out and move Y/H/C strands out of your face. To see if your skin felt as soft as it looked, to feel your warmth. His hand moved, and just before it touched you, he dropped it, clenching it in the pillow

“Y/N, could I ask you something?” 

“Seeing as I asked you something, it's only fair.” You smiled, and it was so fucking cute Satoru wanted to bury his face in the pillow and kick his feet. Restraining his urge, he cleared his throat. 

“You mentioned your ex in passing. I'm assuming it was that asshole from earlier?” You frowned, nodding. “I don't like to pry or push my clients, but I keep thinking about what you said. What did you mean by ‘why didn't he?’ when I asked why he broke up with you.”

Sitting up, you sighed, eyes slowly shutting. Remembering that night was something you desperately tried to avoid. Satoru, however, had opened up to you, and he was helping you. Plus, he'd already caught a glimpse of Toji, so you might as well bite the bullet and tell him. 

Sucking in a deep breath, you exhaled slowly, bringing your knees to your chest, hugging them. “Toji Zen’in and I were high school sweethearts. He was my first for everything, so of course, I fell hard. We moved in together when we graduated high school into a small apartment in Kyoto. We got engaged at nineteen, and things went downhill.” Your grip tightened around yourself. “To make a painfully long story short, Toji developed a gambling habit, burning through his savings while I was in college.” The sheets shifted as Satoru sat up, turning to watch you with narrowed eyes.

“So, as a novice baker working at my parent's inn at twenty-one, I faced a dilemma. My fiancè was jobless, nonetheless, and behind on our rent.” The inside of your nose began to burn as tears threatened to escape. “I could leave him and focus on me and my career. I'd be losing my home and the supposed love of my life. Or I could use the money I saved up for pastry school to cover the rent we were behind on.” 

Sheets shifted, and a large hand gently grabbed your chin, forcing you to look into Satoru’s eyes. “You didn’t.” The tears streaming down your cheeks answered his question. “Y/N—” A sad, broken laugh sounded in your chest. 

“I did. Used everything I saved up to keep us in our apartment for four years.” Nausea churned in your stomach as you laughed a little louder. “After all of that, everything I did, he broke off our engagement. He said he didn't love me, that he couldn't see himself with me five years down the road.” More tears fell down your cheeks, landing on the sheets. “Toji said I was too focused on my career, my dreams, that I was eating too many sweets. That I wasn't as exciting as I used to be.” Satoru’s gaze darkened as you spoke, watching you wipe uselessly at your eyes. “That devastated me, so I packed up, moved to Tokyo, and got pastry training. I haven't been back since.” 

“That fuckin’ dick!” Satoru looked obviously upset over everything coming out of your mouth. “Seriously, you're beautiful, god I hate people like that!” No one should ever be treated the way you have been. To take care of a partner, give up on a dream for someone who you were supposed to marry, to have them pull shit like that. It made Satoru sick to his stomach. 

“Yeah, I'm still trying to get over it. In a way, I guess I'm happy it happened because I feel like I wouldn't have gotten as far in my career as I have. But the scars are still there, along with the trust issues. I can't bring myself to date anyone, let alone have sex.” 

Oh. Satoru perked up at you mentioning sex. You had told him you didn't need sex. The reasoning behind that was like an itch he couldn't scratch. You brought it up, so he might as well take the opportunity to ask while he had that.

“Why is that? The sex part, I mean, you deserve your needs to be taken care of as much as the next person.”

“That my friend is because he broke up with me right after we had sex. Imagine just having an orgasm, and your boyfriend gets off of you and tells you he wants to break up before listing everything wrong with you.”

“Fuckin’ shithead.” Satoru wrapped his arm around you, pulling you into his chest and hugging you as tightly as possible. “I'm so sorry you went through that. He's an asshole for doing that to you.” Satoru’s hand gently stroked your head as your face rested in the crook of his neck. “I hope you recover soon because you deserve to feel loved and happy.” His hand paused as he snickered. “And have mind-blowing sex that makes you forget all about those bullshit excuses he gave you.” 

Gojo Satoru’s words and tone were so genuine you found yourself smiling into his neck. Your arms wrapped around him as you lay down. “I hope so, too. Thank you, Satoru.” 

“No, thank you for sharing that with me; it means a lot.” 

The two of you stayed like that, his hand stroking your hair while you rested on his chest. Your pillow wall lasted thirty minutes and was never constructed again that night or the following one because there was a comfort you and Satoru found in each other.

The two of you had so much fun during the day. Laughing and talking as you would hang around with your family and friends. You told stories and jokes and went to dinners with the wedding party together. He got along well with everyone, and your friends liked him and his looks. At the same time, your parents admired him for helping around the inn, delivering towels to guests, and cleaning up with you. They saw him as a perfect partner, just like you had paid him to do it.

But you were beginning to wonder if it was just his job or just him being Gojo Satoru. The amount of laughing and talking you did in front and behind closed doors didn't feel like he was doing another job. He seemed to be enjoying himself truly. The days seemed to fly by, and it was hard to believe it was Wednesday night. Satoru walked you to the bar your friends were at for the bachelorette party. If it was Wednesday, you only had four days left with him. 

“Are you planning on getting drunk, like super drunk?” Satoru asked, looking at you from over his sunglasses. “Because that's a sight I would pay money to see.”

“Nah, I'll have a few drinks, but I don't like getting hammered drunk.” You gently bumped your shoulder into his side. “You sure you don't want to join us? The girls said they’re okay if you join.”

“Eh, I don't like drinking. I'm a lightweight, and it never appealed to me. If Suguru were here, oh, he'd be down.” You beamed up at him as he mentioned his one and only best friend. “Seriously, he'd love this shit. Being surrounded by girls, drinking with them.” Satoru shoved his hands in his pockets. “Seriously though, he'd love you. You two would get along great. I’ll have to introduce you to him when we get back to Tokyo.” 

His words struck you like a hot iron. He was pulling out his phone and checking the time, oblivious to what he had just said. The man you were paying to be your boyfriend for a week wanted to introduce you to his friend? His best friend! 

It had your heart fluttering as butterflies swarmed in your stomach. Satoru hadn't even corrected himself as he peered down at you, returning the warm and happy smile you were positive was tugging at your lips. God, you hadn't been this happy in so long.

“Yeah, I’d like that a lot.” 

“Cool! We should set something up. Maybe we could get din—”

The door to the bar flew open, and your friends, all looking intoxicated, spotted you. “There she is! Hurry up, Y/N, you need to catch up!” the bride-to-be slurred as she reached for you. 

“Waaait!! Mina, let her say bye to Satoru!!” another bridesmaid said, smacking her arm. 

“Right! Right, sorry!”

You giggled, looking into Satoru’s cerulean eyes. “I'm being summoned. I should get going.” Gojo snorted, leaning down and kissing you on the lips. “I'll see you later.”

“Uhm, excuse me.” Mina had a disgusted look on her face. “What the fuck was that lame-ass kiss?” Your other friends nodded in agreement. “Satoru, what the fuck? Don't you like Y/N?” 

“Of course, I like my girlfriend Mina.” 

“Then kiss her like you mean it!!” 

You turned, giving Mina a look that could curdle dairy. “Mina, stop.” She flipped you off, her attention never leaving Satoru’s face.

“If I don't get to go to a strip club, I wanna see a steamy kiss!” The other girls whistled and cheered. “I want it steamy! I'm talking smutty romance-level shit!” 

“Mina!” 

“What you both are hot as fuck! Consider it a wedding gift!!”

“Kiss her! Kiss her! Kiss her!!” 

Oh great, now your drunken friends were chanting, and bystanders were watching. With a grimace, you turned to the very amused Satoru, who stared down at the drunken girls before his gaze fixed on you.  He shrugged a shoulder as if saying, sure, why not? But he left the decision up to you.

While you were tempted not to make your poor pretend boyfriend a walking spectacle for a group of drunk women. The thought of having to listen to them bitch and moan about you being a party pooper was way worse. So you sighed before turning to face Satoru with a smile. 

“You heard them. If we do this, I can return the dish set we bought.” 

“You don't have to tell me twice.” 

Satoru grabbed you by the throat, pinning you against the wall of the bar. His lips slammed against yours in a heated kiss you'd only seen in movies. His tongue was licking your bottom lip, and you so willingly obliged, opening your mouth, allowing his tongue entrance. Satoru trailed the hand that was around your throat down your curves. His large hand gripped your hips as he growled. Fuck he tasted so good, like cola and vanilla candy. Your tongue moved against his, trying to taste more of him. 

While you tasted like strawberries and chocolate to him, it was like a symphony of tastes between your tongues. One that he didn't want to end, his knee pushed its way between your legs, pressing firmly over your clothes core, making you gasp into his mouth, eyes going wide as the intimate touch. Your moan only made Satoru kiss you harder, desperate to feel the vibrations from the desperate sounds escaping your mouth.

“Whoa! Okay! Okay!” Mina shouted, her wine spilling as she hurried forward. “I said kiss her! Not fuck her in public.” Your best friend playfully swatted at his arm.

When Satoru broke the kiss, a string of saliva connected your bottom lips as you both gasped for air. The sheer intensity of the kiss rendered you speechless as he allowed his eyes to trail over your face. Taking in the flush tint of your cheeks, the way your body trembled under his hand, and the subtle way your hips rocked forward against his thigh. It looked like the kiss had as much of an effect on you as it did on him.

He pressed a soft kiss against your slightly swollen lips. “You did ask for a smutty book kiss.” Satoru sighed as he pulled away. “I just delivered what you asked for.” Mina said something along the lines of ‘smutty kiss without the smut, please’ as she headed back into the bar. “Well, she might not have enjoyed it, but at least you seemed like you did.” His teasing tone slowly brought you back to reality.

”Y-Yeah, it was lovely.” You fanned yourself before heading to follow after your friends. “I’ll see you later tonight.” You breathed out, but just before you could make it inside the door, Satoru grabbed your wrist, pulling you in for a hug.

”Call me when you’re done, and I’ll come get you, okay?”

”Okay.”

His lips were against yours again before he released you. “Okay.” He repeated your word back to you before waving you off as he headed back in the direction of the inn.

His kiss, the tone of voice, and the mere conversation of introducing him to his best friend whirled around your mind as you guzzled down a shot of sake, which had to have been the fifth one in the last forty minutes. While the other bridal party members were laughing and talking, you stared at the table. The kiss and Satoru’s words replayed over and over again in your head, like old sitcom reruns. 

Was it normal for an escort to tell a client they wanted to introduce them to their friends? Was he just being friendly or taking pity on you? Then there was that kiss outside of the bar! He didn’t have to put his knee between your legs, but he did! Now your panties were wet, and the more you thought about the kiss, about him, the wetter they seemed to get.

Holy shit, what was wrong with you!? 

Just three days ago, you told the guy you didn’t have sex; you didn’t need it. But the more you got to know him, the more times he kissed you, the more your icy resolve began to melt. Gojo Satoru was lighting a fire within you. One that you were very cautious of because you didn’t want to be burned again.

You got up from the table, swaying as you headed for the bathroom. Was Satoru just being nice? Or did he feel the same way you did? There was some sort of connection between the two of you. One that you might want to explore if he wants to as well. Why else would he talk to you the way that he did?

Entering the bathroom, you sighed, staring at your reflection in the mirror. Your fingers trailed over your still-swollen lip. Toji had never kissed you like that in the past. Staring in the mirror, you groaned. An image of Toji stood behind you, haunting you like he had done for the last year and a half. 

“Ugh, just get the fuck out of my head and let me heal already.” You scolded the image of him in the mirror, flipping it off.

”I’m in your head?”

Your heart stopped, and your hand dropped to your side. Toji’s image smirked as he tilted his head. You were getting ready to ask yourself how drunk you were when Toji moved. His hands landed on the sink, caging you in while the smell of cedarwood engulfed you like a cloud of smoke.

”Toji—!”

“Shut up, we need to talk.”

(TBC)

Taglist:

@arminloverlol @jamzywiththejam28 @gojoful @maskedpacific @ahseyy @kash77 @sadmonke @ari-maccha @sugurubabe @hyori2 @bluechocolatemint @itsinherited @dellappatca @therealestpussyeater @dead-at-tokyo @nvrgojover @drakenswifeyy @nealeart @yunho-leeknow @fire-child-kira

[skylarsblue]

✦Incorrect C.o.D Quotes, AGAIN AGAIN✦

Ghost: Release me, woman. Fem!Y/N: …. *hugs him tighter* :3 Ghost, scared of intimacy: UNHAND ME!- -- (Comedic Death Mention) Someone: I shot you six times hOW ARE YOU ALIVE?! Y/N: Fool! The only one that’s gonna knock me off is ME! Price: *PANICKING*

-- Gaz: What did you do? Soap: ….suckdickonaccident Gaz: What? Soap: Sucked dick on accident! Gaz: HOW THE FUCK DO YOU SU-

-- Gaz: Here. We’ll put your phone on the aux- Y/N: NO DON’T- Speakers on full volume: FUCKFUCKFUCKMEUPANDCUTCUTCU- Price: JESUS BLOODY CHRIST *shuts off radio* Soap: *scratching the inside of his ear* Steamin’ Jesus- Y/N: I tried to warn you! Gaz: Who listens to Slipknot at 0900?! Ghost: *raises hand* Gaz: That’s- okay that’s fair. Soap: I’ve gone deaf. Y/N: You’re a bomb tech, it was gonna happen eventually. Soap: *middle finger* Price: *disappointed sigh* It’s too early for this-

-- (This one’s kinda sad but I couldn't stop thinkin' bout it-) Alejandro: You used to be nice…or did you never used to be? Valeria: … Alejandro: Oh god…maybe you never used to be…

-- Not a quote but if any of you have heard that audio that’s the names of the Princes of Hell overlayed on Funky Town, please imagine Soap & Y/N dancing to the Funky Town portion while Ghost sits there menacingly. Thank you.

-- (Depression joke) Y/N: Ahaaaa I’m soooo unwell. Price: Go to the psyche- Y/N: Ya know what it never was? That serious. It was never that serious- Price: Get your ass back here- Y/N: NEVER!-

-- König: I’ll keep all my emotions right here, and then one day, I’ll die. Horangi: No-

-- (Valeria has no color here, I ran out) Valeria: *eye roll* I am not trying to seduce you. Y/N, bi panicking: …. Valeria, but now smug: Would you like me to seduce you? Y/N: *strained wheeze & squeaky* Already achieved ma’am- Gaz: *listening to a mic implanted on Y/N* God damnit dON’T LET YOUR MOMMY ISSUES RUIN THIS MISSION!

-- (These next two have mental health jokes in’em) Y/N, hyper cleaning the base: AHAHA, yes! I’m finally feeling bett- ah, wait. I’m manic, and I’m hyper cleaning everything, ✨as a diversion✨. Price: P s y c h e . Y/N: Jokes on you, old man. I already have meds for this! …might need to up them though they feel like they’ve stopped working. Price: When did you start to feel they weren’t working? Y/N: Like three months ago. Price: PSYCHE Y/N: ASKING THEM QUESTIONS ABOUT MEDS ARE SCAAAARRYYY Price: YOU KILL MEN ALMOST EVERYDAY Y/N: Fair point. (Take ya meds)

-- Price: I don’t understand you- Y/N: Good! Means you’re probably mentally well. Price: I- Gaz: We really need to like- specify when you’re joking and when you’re serious, you’re gonna give him a heart attack.

-- Gaz: …Hm. Price: You’ve been staring at me for the past six minutes, what is it?Gaz: I think you have a grey hair. Price: Y/N, speeding in: WHICH IS TOTALLY FINE, IT’S BARELY EVEN THERE AND EVEN IF YOU WERE GOING GREY IT’D LOOK FANTASTIC ON YOU. Price: …would it? Y/N: Absolutely! …*thumps Gaz in the back of the head* Gaz: Ow-Uh yeah! Yeah! Actually I don’t even think it’s there, just the lighting. Price: Hm…alright. Y/N: Mhm! *death glare* Gaz: *mouthing* I’msosorry-

-- (Will someone please notice that I write Ghost as "Simon" when he's with Soap and they're being soft? It's intentional-) Soap: I’m not really sure what I’d do if I lost you… Simon: I know what I’d do. Soap: What? Simon: I’d find you.

-- Soap: I got my ankles microwaved. Ghost: X-rayed. Soap: They took my blood away for science! Ghost: Cholesterol tests. Soap: Si had his sinuses…removed? Ghost: Looked at. Soap: Some guy looked at my penis, touched it. That was weird. Ghost, cleaning blood off a knife: That guy wasn’t even a doctor.

-- Medic!Y/N: You think killing is hard? Try healing something. That is hard, that requires patience. Alejandro, watching them bandage his hand: Hm… Medic!Y/N: You can break something in two seconds. *vaguely motions to Ghost, then Price, then at a necklace Alejandro wears that came from Valeria* But it can take forever to fix it. Alejandro: …aye…well said.

-- Gaz: *being annoying and singing a song for the 10,000th time* Price: KYLE! Gaz: I’m watchin’ my tone, dunana. I ain’t talkin’ back, no, why? Cause I’ma get thrown, dunana-

-- Graves: You know, Ghost, real talk bro, you never say nothin’ when you’re around us. Why is that? Ghost: Cause I don’t fucking like you guys.

-- Enemy: I’m gonna send you to God. Y/N: God? I’m insulted you think I’d end up in Heaven. I work hard for my sins, thank you very much. Ghost: We are hostages right now, can you please not-

-- Valeria: And guess who gets to be my little helper.~ Y/N: It’s me, I’m the helper… Valeria: That’s right, you sure are.~ Alejandro: Alright that’s enough! Valeria: What? You don’t believe in positive affirmation?

-- Rudy: Me gustan los perros. Alejandro: Me gustas… Rudy: ….hm. Me gusta un hombre en el ejército. Alejandro: Aye? Rudy: Mhm. Alejandro: *chuckles* Me gusta mi mejor amigo. Rudy: Me gustas.

(This was poorly translated but listen, I tried for the gays)

-- Price: You actually were telling the truth. Valeria: I do that quite a lot, you people are always surprised.

-- Laswell: Don’t pull any of those stunts like you did last time. Fem!Y/N: I made an offering. Laswell: You dropped a dead mouse into that poor man’s lap. Fem!Y/N: Yes! Like a cat. Laswell: You are not a cat! Fem:Y/N: No…tragically, I am a woman.

-- Ghost: Some people are simply…better than others. Graves: You really think you’re that much better than me? Ghost: Oh I think we both know the answer to that.

--

(Needing to fake a date for a mission) Y/N, on the phone: Laswell, I don’t need help with dating. I’ve been on loads of dates! Y/N: *turns and whispers to Gaz* I’ve literally been on one.

-- Enemy: Think you can answer questions without the usual level of sarcasm? Y/N: If you can ask them without the usual level of stupid. Enemy: Where’s your captain and why hasn’t anyone been able to contact him? Y/N: I dunno, I’ve been here, haven’t seen him in days. Enemy: Is he drinking again? Y/N: What do you mean again? He never had to stop. Enemy: But he did have to slow down, is he drinking like he used to? Y/N: Alright, how bout this? Next time I see him, I’ll give’im the field sobriety test, okay? We’ll do the alphabet, start with F & end with U.

-- Graves: And that’s why I personally, don’t agree with your opinion. Soap: Okay, counter point- Graves: Valid argument? Soap: No. Pipebomb!

-- Gaz: Y/N: Gaz: Y/N: Y/N: I’ma instigate. Gaz, lightly pulling them back: nnnnoooooooooo-

-- Y/N: Eeraaawr >:3 Gaz: What sound is that? Y/N: A dyianosaur Gaz: A what? Y/N: Dianoswaur. Gaz: Make the sound again. Y/N: Uurraawer Gaz: Oh you talkin’ bout them things from ✨Jerressi PerAHck✨ Y/N: AHAH! Ghost: I’m gonna lose it. Soap: Hush yer mouth, it’s cute. Lighten up ya big log.

-- Ghost: I think I’ve finally had enough. Y/N, getting his antidepressants: I think you’re full of shit.

-- Medic!Y/N: C’mon, stick with me, Ghost. Ghost: Might be time to follow my call si-OH FUCKING HELL WHY Medic!Y/N: You listen here you Fuckin’ bastard, I’m gonna love the absolute shit out of you until you never make a joke like that again. And then, if you still do it, I’ll have the team smother, smother, you in affection. And if you STILL don’t get it, THEN I’m gonna whoop your ass. Shut your perfect fucking mouth, you got that, soldier?! Ghost: ….since when did you get scary? Medic!Y/N: Adrenalin keeps people alive and sometimes we run out of epipens, had to substitute somehow.

-- Price: Now, sergent, what would you rather be? A lion or a panda? Soap: Captain, I’m me. Why would I want to be anything else? Price: I’m not sure you realize how psychologically healthy that is.

-- Ghost, pissed off: Sometimes I can’t stand you. Y/N, while walking away: Then kneel! And while you’re down there, occupy your mouth, you’d do better down there, QUIET, anyway!! Ghost: I-…… Soap: Oooooo…. Gaz: I- I-…they have no fear. None. Absolutely no survival instinct, no self preservation. None!

-- (Younger Y/N as in like…mid-late twenties. Also, this one is long. I might honestly make a lil oneshot with this one and I welcome anyone else to do the same) Y/N: John… Price: I know, I know. You love me. You’ve said it a thousand times and it should just stick, I just…can’t help but think about how you’re so… Y/N: *snort* Out of your league? Price: To put it bluntly. Y/N: Well, regardless of where I rank? I still love you. I’m going to love you for a long time, you’re stuck with me, ya sweethearted bastard. Price, fondly: Ah Dear, whatever will I do. Y/N: Yeaaaah. Besides! Even if I wasn’t completely and utterly, disgustingly, in love with you? …you are way too good of a sugar daddy to ditch. Price: Hah! Oh really? Why’s that? Y/N: Are you kidding?! Paid off house, paid off car, successful military captain, great manners, great dick, extremely attractive, good with kids, good cook, sexy voice. I could go on for awhile. Price: Oh now you’re just feedin’ my ego. Y/N: Yes, yes I am. Price: I’ll get cocky. Y/N: You’re sexy when you’re arrogant too, that doesn’t deter me. Price: *sigh* Far out of my league. Y/N: You’re a rank climber, I think you’ll keep up.

-- (NSFW but it's in a ha-ha funny way, based on a conversation I've had. Kink mentions) Soap: Look, I just...I need advice on how to spice it up in the bedroom. Y/N: Do you know how little that narrows it down? Gaz: I feel there are few options. Y/N: No there are a lot of options, it depends on your level of spice. I dunno your boundaries wit'cha man! Soap: I just need something! Y/N: THERE ARE A LOT OF THINGS! Get some handcuffs, grab a vibrator, TRY ANAL, I don't fucking know! Gaz: *chokes on drink* Soap: Okay, listen- Y/N: No, you listen. Rule of thumb with kinks? It's a mountain and there are three kinds of people on it. People who don't wanna climb, people who want to climb but choose not to, and people who stay climbing. You reach a level of kinkiness and you stay there. You can't go back down the mountain. Me, personally? I have chosen to stop climbing because I know I'll get worse. I'm choosing to stay on my part of the mountain. Where you wanna climb is up to you. Soap: Where do I climb then? Y/N: The beginner's trail is fuzzy handcuffs, orgasm control, and mirror sex. Soap: This is the weirdest advice I've ever gotten. Y/N: It's my specialty.

-- (Follow it up with an asexual joke) Graves: Are you fighting the urge to make out with me right now? Y/N: Not really, I'm really into this pizza though. Soap, in the back: Aw they burnt my fuckin' cookies! Assholes. Y/N: Karma. Soap: It is not my fault I ate the last slice of cake, I didn't know it was yours- Y/N: IT WAS LABELED! Soap: I DIDN'T SEE IT!! Graves: *slowly backs away*

-- Y/N, holding up a coffee pot: Anyone want more coffee? Price: No, we've all had ours. Y/N: *takes off the lid* Cool. Gaz: What are y-NO! Y/N: *chugging from the pot* Ghost: ...This is the peak of mental illness. Price: PUT THE DAMN POT DOWN! Soap: This is the scariest thing I've ever seen them do- Y/N: *fighting to finish the coffee as Price tries to get it away from them*

[superhaught]

To Be Another Notch in Your Bedpost

Pairing: Leighton Murray x Reader

Warnings: explicit smut! (18+ MDNI) implied sub/bratty Leighton, implied dom/brat tamer reader, one night stand

(This is my first ever published fic please be gentle! I want to start taking requests for anything Renee/Regina/Leighton so, ya know, tell me if ya like it and wanna see more writing from me)

Word Count: 2700, Part 1/?

Reader has a one night stand with the Leighton Murray.

Explicit Content Below

This party was everything you hated. Loud, unintelligible music. Drunken idiots everywhere. Sticky spills all over the floor and sweaty bodies brushing against you no matter how much you tried to stay out of the way. 

You wouldn’t have even come out tonight if it wasn’t for the fact that your friend basically dragged you kicking and screaming out of your dorm and away from your comfortable Netflix binging. You remained steadfast, though. She could bring you to the party but she couldn’t make you enjoy it. While she danced in the middle of it all, you continued to nurse your one cup of punch against the wall, allowing yourself the guilty pleasure of people watching.

It wasn’t that you thought you were better than your peers, you just couldn’t match their vibe. You couldn’t let go enough. You couldn’t become uninhibited. Your first year at Essex had been an overwhelming one. Making good friends had been hard. Staying on top of your classes even more so. And finding common ground with the legacy and/or wealthy students had been damn near impossible. Your student job in the library was draining, and your dating life had been nonexistent. This party felt like the absolute last thing you needed to decompress. 

You were just about to throw in the towel and say goodbye to your friend when someone unexpected approached you. 

“Hey wallflower,” she said, addressing you, “a few of the Theta guys are concerned that you’re bored or drugged. Either way, they want it to be resolved.”

The girl was Leighton Murray. A rising queen bee on campus. She was deeply connected to the school, extremely popular within multiple social groups on campus, and easily one of the most stunning women you have ever seen by far. 

You chuckle awkwardly and smile at the blonde, “Ah. Well, I am sorry for disturbing the vibe of the party. I know that the frats work hard to make these go well. But truly, I’m neither bored nor drugged, just… not fitting in.”

Leighton raises an eyebrow at you, “I take it this isn’t your usual scene, then?”

“Not at all,” you admit. “I’m much more comfortable in quiet settings with fewer people to worry about.”

Leighton nods and takes a sip from her own drink, glancing over the crowd thoughtfully. She turns back to you, “What made you come, then?”

You shrug, “I was forced by my friend. Apparently my preferred Friday night of watching Queer Eye and baking brownies for myself in the dorm kitchens depresses her.”

Leighton laughs, “It’s not necessarily a bad thing but definitely not how you should be spending your Friday nights in college…” she looks you up and down for a moment, clearly checking you out, “are you… ya know?” She makes her wrist go limp in that recognizable signal and you can’t help but chuckle. 

“What? Gay?” She looks a little embarrassed but you smile warmly and give her a reassuring nod, “Yes, I am. Very much so, don’t worry.”

She nods and takes another drink, and you mirror her. Word spreads quickly amongst the sapphic community at Essex and Leighton had been a big topic of conversation lately. The story was that she had recently come out and was making up for lost time. It wasn’t something that you judged her for, but now that she was here chatting you up, it did make you question the depth of her intentions. 

You tilt your head questioningly at her and decide to be bold, “We haven’t connected yet, have we?” 

Her cheeks flush and she hides her face with her cup again as she responds, “No… we have not…” 

“So were you truly sent by the frat guys to come check on me or did you… maybe volunteer yourself for the task?”

She feigns offense at your question and then shrugs, “I will neither confirm nor deny.” 

You flash her a knowing smirk and take another sip of your drink. You’re more than interested in her, but you’re also more than nervous. Casual hook-ups have never been your thing and Leighton was the type of woman that you’d want to spend more than just one exciting night with. But for all you knew, that’s not what she wanted right now. 

“Well…” she begins quietly, “since you aren’t enjoying yourself here, would it be okay for me to take you somewhere else?”

You slowly nod your head and meet her eyes, “Can I ask you a question first, Leighton?”

She nods back, “Yeah, what’s up?”

“What are you looking for, right now?”

She gives you a confused expression, “What do you mean?”

“Do you want one fun night and nothing more, or someone who might last longer than one fun night?”

She considers the question for a moment, “Is it important for you to know the answer to that before we go further?”

“It is,” you reply, “I just want to manage my expectations.”

She nods in understanding, “You’re the first person who’s actually asked that… honestly, I’m just looking to feel good. Lately, that has resulted in a string of fun nights… but I’m not opposed to having more than that, really.”

“So, you’re saying that if you hit it off with someone and they asked you out, you wouldn’t outright reject them?”

She nods, “Right. Does that… help you with your concerns?”

“Yeah, it does. Thank you.” You smile again and she smiles back, seemingly moved by your tender nature. You hold out your hand to her and finally introduce yourself and she echoes your name back to you as she happily shakes your hand. 

“So… about my offer?”

You giggle and nod, “Get me out of here, Leighton.”

The girl grabs your hand and quickly leads you out of the frat party. You’re able to quickly shoot your friend an explanatory text so that she won’t worry about your whereabouts, and soon enough, you're trailing behind Leighton Murray as she takes you across campus back to her dorm. 

You hold onto her hand the entire time. She swiftly unlocks the door to her suite, which is thankfully empty at the moment, and she pulls you straight into her room, shutting the door behind you. 

You lock eyes and smile, a little nervously on both of your parts. It was comforting to you that there was some anxiety for her as well. But you’ve never been one to let that anxiousness prevent you from taking the lead. You bring your hands up to her cheeks and cradle her softly as you pull her in towards you and close the distance between your lips. Her eyes flutter shut and a small sigh escapes her as you kiss. The softness of her, the lipgloss she wears, the perfume on her neck… all of it completely tantalizes you and you suddenly have no trouble falling into her completely. 

Her hands drift to the small of your back, then she squeezes your ass playfully and yanks you a little closer to her, which prompts you to gently push her backwards so that she’s against the door. Leighton gasps lightly and you smile in the kiss, knowing that your actions have pleased her. Your parted lips give her the opportunity to graze her tongue over your bottom lip and you eagerly accept it and meet her with yours, deepening the kiss. 

You begin to trail your hands down her body, letting your fingertips brush skin where it’s exposed and fidgeting with the fabric of her dress as you go down to her hips and hold onto her firmly. Your touch sends a shiver up her spine and she moans. You pause the kiss for just a moment so that you can take a much needed deep breath, but you keep your nose and forehead pressed against her and meet her gorgeous blue eyes again for a second and you can’t help but be in awe, “fuck…” you breathe.

She nods eagerly and pulls you back in for more. You push her back against the door again, keeping her pinned in place as you gently shift her hair out of the way of her neck and you lean down to place kisses on her skin beneath her jawline and along her pulse point. 

She sighs and melts, biting her lower lip and burying her fingers into the hair at the back of your neck to hold onto you. Your lips and tongue explore her soft, sensitive skin and you playfully nibble at her earlobe which makes her gasp before you return to her lips and continue making out with her. 

You feel her start to rock her hips, trying to grind against you in search of friction where she needs it. You smile and tease her, slowing down your movements and taking your time to worship the other side of her neck and each collarbone. 

She groans, “oh fuck… you… tease...”

You smirk and whisper into her ear, “Feeling needy, Leight? If you want something, you’d better ask for it.”

She whines and bites into her lower lip hard but then indignantly shakes her head, deciding to try to maintain a little bit of brattiness rather than just caving right away. 

Your hands drop down to her thighs and start to toy with the bottom hem of her dress, inching the fabric upwards bit by bit and making her squirm while you kiss her collarbones and as much of her chest as is exposed by the low cut. 

Your fingertips dance over her skin and give her goosebumps as you touch the backs of her thighs feather-light, keeping your pelvis just out of her reach so that when she rocks her hips, she doesn’t find anything to make contact with. You find a great deal of amusement in watching this powerful woman quickly crumble. She pulls your hair harder and gets even more vocal with her whines and groans, cursing in your ear and desperately seeking more deliberate touch from you. 

You keep kissing her neck, touching your lips and tongue softly to her hairline and feeling her pounding heartbeat. You barely hear it, a faint whisper escapes her, “please…” 

You raise an eyebrow and pull back to look at her face, “Hm? What was that?”

Leighton grumbles and whispers it again, “please… please.”

“Please, what?”

“Oh my god please fucking fuck me!” She finally blurts. 

You smile, satisfied, and decide to oblige her instead of gloating any further. You kiss her lips once more before lowering yourself onto your knees between her legs, her mouth falls open and she stares down at you in awe.

You look up at her and maintain eye contact as you hike up the fabric of her dress even more, until it bunches around her hips and exposes her lace panties and an intoxicating inch of skin between her navel and the underwear. You reach your head up and press a soft, cruel kiss to her center over the fabric which makes her jut her hips and groan, falling back against the door a little bit. You can feel how hot and wet she already is and you try not to let that go to your head. 

You slide your hands down the skin of her legs and follow your fingers with your lips, kissing her gently, until your hands reach her heels and you start to take them off of her one at a time while watching her face. 

“You’re so gorgeous, Leighton.” You tell her. 

She just flushes and nods, helping you by kicking her shoes off and out of the way. Your hands return to her thighs and then slowly, you hook your fingers into the waistband of her panties and you start to pull them down. She moans and you feel an overwhelming wave of heat race through your own body and settle between your legs. You watch her eyes as you pull the fabric down and she carefully steps out of it, then you take a moment to admire her like this and you feel like all of this must be a dream. 

“Are you ready, Leighton?” 

She nods emphatically, “God yes… please…”

You nod and help her drape one of her legs over our shoulder as you get yourself into a solid position and bring your face between her thighs.

She leans back, putting more of her weight against the door and with one more affirmative nod, you extend your tongue and drag it along her. 

You hear her moan and can sense her letting her head fall back against the door as she winds her fingers into your hair and holds your head firmly in place so that you are less inclined to pull away. 

Your senses are flooded by the taste and feel of her and your own eyes roll back before you shut them completely and draw your focus into pleasing this incredible woman. Your lips and tongue start to work on her slowly, you moan against her and she grinds against you and you can tell that she’s already anxious for release. 

You drag your tongue languidly through her folds and pause to push it inside of her before returning to her clit and circling the sensitive bundle of nerves with the flat of your tongue. You can easily tell what she likes and wants more of and it doesn’t take long at all to build her up to climax. Your lower face is already drenched in her but you stay in place and maintain the pace and motions that she’s responding to, feeling all of her muscles tense, her breathing quicken and her noises intensify. With just a few more movements of your tongue she finally releases with a long, drawn out moan and you start to slow your ministrations as she rides out her orgasm on your face. She beams widely and laughs joyously through the waves of ecstasy, breathing hard, chest heaving. 

You do your best to clean her up and then you quickly stand and help support her as her legs weaken. With a simple lift, you bring her from the door to her bed and lie her down and she curls up with a big smile on her face and says, “holy shit…” 

You laugh and crawl into the bed next to her and wrap your arms around her while she rests for a moment, catching her breath and regaining her bearings. You spend a few quiet minutes just spooning her and rubbing her back gently and she smiles and hums happily. 

Eventually, she whispers, “You know, I’ve slept with a lot of people recently… but what you just did for me… doesn’t even compare. I feel like you’re on a whole different graph…”

You laugh, “What? That can’t be true.”

“No, I'm being one hundred percent serious. That was insane.”

You smile and get close to her ear and whisper to her, “It doesn’t have to be over…”

“Well right, I need to return the favor…” She starts to roll over toward you but you hold her in place and stop her, leaning over her shoulder and kissing her neck lightly, “sure, you could do that, but I’m talking about it not being over for you…” you whisper against her ear.

“Fuck…” she groans, “are you going for some kind of record?”

“I just want to make you feel good…”

“You’re unreal…”

You flash her a playful smirk and she gets up out of the bed and slips a sock over the door handle to her room, “Bela will understand.”

You both giggle and then she excitedly gets back into the bed with you, climbing onto your lap and immediately capturing your lips in more passionate kisses. 

The night skips on, continuing to excite and pleasure you both, and you remind yourself no short of a hundred times to thank your friend for making you come to the party.

Next Chapter

[thechekhov]

Dungeon Meshi Quick Reacts: CH40

Laios is apparently only good at drawing monsters.

You guys have no faith in him! Come onnnn

To that point, if the shapeshifters that are left are the most similar to the real selves, doesn't that prove that Laios actually knows them best? The other, easily-discounted shapeshifters were easily singled out as fakes because they were so caricature like.

The remaining fakes are just minutely different from the real selves. Chilchuk has slightly larger eyes, Marcille's hair is thinner, and Senshi has sharper features. What that says to me is that Laios is actually the BEST at reconstructing them in his mind.

Unfortunately, that. Kinda makes it harder.

Welll.......yeah. No, that makes sense.

This is a problem you all created 😂

This is legitimately making me question everything. Because like... Marcille A is acting pretty sus. But they've been through a lot, so maybe she's just depressed?

Oooooooh someone minmaxed into gayness. That's certainly a dependable strategy.

FAKE!!!!! He's the fake! Senshi would never deplete an ecosystem completely like that!!!!

ah yes, all sorts of nutrition. White rice is known for its nutrition like...... (looks at smeared writing on hand) carbohydrates and scant amounts of folates. Yep.

HE IS HANDSOME, BUT NOT "B"!! "A" IS ALSO HANDSOME!! THEY'RE BOTH HANDSOME!

.......guys. GUYYS.

Laios, you're such an absolute loser and I love you but please. Please turn on the autism. Just this once, please turn on the autism beam and point it at your friends. Please

"all of them! Everyone is fake! Including me!"

Wouldn't that be a plot twist.

why are both the chillchucks upset at this suggestion? shouldn't the real ones be relieved?

Illusions with physical traits, though? Is that not obvious once you start roughing it up with it? If something can be physical enough to fight, why not just use that thing to overpower the adventurer, then?

....so it's a vampire created illusion?

Okay, so because I saw someone else post this page to my dash about a week ago I'm actually fully aware of what comes next, and I can say with certainty that it does not ruin it. At all.

I gotta say, as a weird little kid that practiced barking like a dog and mimicking dog howls, this is making me feel SO SEEN. He's just like me fr.

And the fact that they're all supporting his talent........friendship is magic.

I'm so intrigued by this man and how his mind works.

Love is not letting your dumbass furry friend climb into the wolf enclosure at the zoo and try to fight the alpha of the pack.

This is. So real. I've never seen a manga commit SO MUCH to the weird little man trope, and I love Kui-san so much for this. This is true representation.

Dumbass recognizes dumbass. This is why they're friends.

I WAS WONDERING ABOUT THAT. I also didn't remember it!

Oh, hmm.....

I'm relatively certain the hand that Marcille grasped in the last chapter WAS the cat's hand. That means the cat followed them - but because no one knew she was there, the shapeshifter didn't create any illusions of her. That means she was just hiding out, observing everything.

Is she just sleeping in there curled up on the rice?

Ahhh, so it was a distraction.

[lovezbrownies]

Hide and Seek. (Yandere Queen x GN!Reader.)

Masterlist

Synopsis: First you hid from the queen, as she seeked. Then you both hide as the queen's assistant seeks you two.

Queen Nia x GN!Reader

Warnings: Panicking, oveethinking, interruptions, heavily suggestive at the very end. MDNI.

She felt crazy. Nia couldn’t find you anywhere! And she kept going in circles! She’d search the entirety of Khas, then she’d think “What if they went into one of the rooms I just left?” And search all over again. It’s been two hours and she’s starting to get depressed, are you hiding away from her? Did she do something to upset you? You should know by now Nia doesn’t mean to upset you, she just doesn’t know how to talk normally. Please please please pleas– “Ah! Hannah!!” Nia caught sight of her favored assistant, she literally did everything for her, she barely works with Hannah there.

Hannah turned to see her queen, bowing softly as she looked down at Nia, clipboard in hand.Queen Nia let out a tired breath, “Have you seen my loved one? I’ve been searching all over the place and I cannot for the life of me find them!” A frown was on Nia’s face, her arms crossed, her foot tapping impatiently against the marble floors. 

“Ah they’re at the park with the ducks at the moment.” Hannah stated plainly.

Nia scoffed, “We don’t have a park or ducks in the palace, silly!”

Hannah rolled her eyes, well obviously. “Why yes, we don’t. I let them go out to a recently opened park somewhere near the palace.” Nia gasped, no way she let you go out! And Nia thought Hannah was smart but since hearing this her outlook on Hannah is completely different. Oh goodness, her poor darling is probably distraught, oh my what if you were getting hit on? What if some random person strikes a small conversation with you?! Oh heavens! “Well, where is this so-called park! I need to save my darling from idle chit-chat!”

A smirk came across Hannah’s face, this all was revenge, because the day before Nia had called one of Hannah’s new ideas stupid and she did not take kindly to that. So, Hannah took you out to the aforementioned park. Spoke with you for a while, what a delightful person you are, and then went back to the palace, anticipating Nia to immediately bombard her with questions of where you currently were. Now this is the part where she finally gets her sweet revenge. “Well, my queen, don’t be so rash! You’re still 28, you cannot possibly show your face to the public now can you? Maybe have some faith in your love and let them come back on their own!”

Queen Nia huffed, stomping away to her room. Nothing is going to stop her today! She will save you from the dreaded short awkward conversations you always complain of! Who is she, as your wife, if she won’t sacrifice her dignity for you! Picking up the old cloak, the same one she used to go and see you before she married you. And went through that old passage she used to take to sneak out and see you. Now. She only has to find that pesky park! Although scared, she will persevere to save her spouse!

But thankfully, as soon as she stepped off the ladder to the outside world she bumped into someone she couldn’t see due to the hood that is hiding her face, Nia scoffed loudly. They spoke up, “S-sor- Wait, Nia? Is that you?” Nia froze, pulling the hood off she saw her angel! How independent you are! Her sweet dove! “Ah my darling! I was so worried that someone had forced you to chit-chat with them, but it seems like you already had given them a piece of your mind and moved on, right?” You were still so confused, she allowed you to go out after all, or that’s what Hannah had told you before accompanying you to that park.

You enjoyed your time, Hannah gave you some bird seed to feed the ducks and spoke with you for a while before going back. You tried to avoid other people, you didn’t like to speak to strangers at all, but you did meet this guy who you had bonded with over feeding the cute ducks. It doesn’t matter who they were since you didn’t share contact information. “What? Nia what? Didn-'' Nia gasped, suddenly realizing where you two are.

“Oh dear! Let’s get back to our room, or else the guards might hear us! Don’t want to get another lecture from the Chief of Police again now do we?” Nia grabbed your wrist and pulled you towards the ladder, “Come, let’s continue this in our room, I want to hear every detail of your amazing bravery!” Pushing you towards the ladder she motioned you to go first, even trying to pick you up and help you up but alas she’s still far too short and weak.

Once you two finally reached your shared bedroom, Nia launched herself onto her bed, twisting her body over to where you were sitting, a reading chair next to a big bookshelf, her head on her hands, she smiled widely, waiting for your amazing adventurous story. “Well, my love, do go on!” You sigh, drinking up a cup of water you opened your mouth, ready to speak your mind. “So the duck-” A knock interrupted you before you could even begin. Maybe this palace was cursed. You can barely speak a word in this palace without being cut off.

Nia jumped up, pulling you up from the chair she pushed you into the bathroom, gesturing at you to stay quiet. As she closed the bathroom door, the door to the bedroom opened, someone called out, “My queen?” It was Hannah. Nia could barely hold her giggles, she took you by the hand, whispering in your ear, “Stay quiet, but go lay down in the bathtub.”

You nodded, doing as you’re told, this was a little fun you must admit. Nia has her quirks but she makes life fun to live in. She stepped behind the tub’s curtains, closing them slowly so as to not create any noise. Even though there was enough space in the big bathtub for her to lay beside you she decided to just lie down on top of you, cuddling into you, almost purring at how nice you smell.

You heard the closet doors opening and closing, Hannah’s footsteps getting closer and closer, while you were focused on not getting caught Nia was focused on getting your attention back. Huffing as she saw you eye at the curtains, you weren’t looking at her! And that was something she decided to change, she began rubbing parts of your body as sensually as she can, you looked down at Nia, a devious smile on her face. “Nia wha-” Nia shushed you, “Stay quiet, don’t wanna get caught getting steamy in front of Hannah.” 

Just as she says this one of her hands made its way down to your crotch, she rubbed your crotch harshly once and then tiny feathery touches here and there, you squeaked as she played with you through your clothes. You slammed your hand against your mouth when you heard the bathroom door clicking open. “Nia? Are you here?” Hearing that Hannah had finally come into the bathroom Nia grabbed and rubbed at your crotch harsher than she did before, making it hard not to let out the lewdest of moans.

The evil queen had suddenly stopped, leaving you needy, softly thrusting up to her hand, wanting more. Nia, still grinning wildly, shook her head in disagreement. As soon as Hannah sighed in exasperation and you both heard the bedroom door closed, Nia immediately went back to work, leaving you a mess in the bathtub. Nia sat up, straddling your lap, she reached over and turned on the water nozzle. “Whoops, looks like we gotta take off our clothes and shower together~” You two spent a long while in that tub.

[partyanimal167]

A Win-Win Situation- Rayleigh x F!Reader

I had to drop a bag at the mechanic two days ago, and to literally keep myself from not crying, I was coming up with a fic idea to make the situation sexier and not depressing 😅 This popped up, and I was just like, 'At least I can finally write for Rayleigh.' I also told my friend, and he supported doing what you needed to do because damn do autoshops scare me.

CW: modern au, black fem reader, age gap, very light dubcon, smut, praise kink, daddy kink, MDNI

You only expected to get the tires rotated. So when the man started talking about parts and labor costs, you were ready for the earth to swallow you up whole.

You were confident about a lot of things. You could do most adulting tasks like clean, organize your bills, plan a trip, etc. But cars...weren't your area of expertise. But you managed for awhile, so you didn't worry too much! You watched videos and knew that there were things you needed to get done to maintain the vehicle.

So you went to get your tires rotated. Easy. Nothing to worry about....until, the guy pointed out that your check engine light was on. He must have seen the way you stiffened and tried to keep your expression calm.

The man gave you a sweet, flirty smile and waved his hand. "Don't worry too much, sweetheart. I'm actually a bit packed today, but an old friend owns a shop on the next street over. He should be able to check it out. Shouldn't cost you much either."

You bit your lip nervously as you rocked a little. "Really?"

"Of course! Tell 'im Shanks sent you. He'll take really good care of you."

~~~

You shyly stepped out of your car in front of the older shop where a radio played throwbacks and a fan blew strongly.

You walked quietly through the open garage door where a person stood under a lifted car with a welder's mask on. "Uh, excuse me" you raised your voice a little since you weren't sure if they'd be able to hear.

The body looked up at you before stepping from under the car and turning to take off the welding hood.

You weren't ready for the kind, sweet older man to beam at you. His glasses were somehow spotless despite the hood. After he wiped his hands on a rag, he pulled his long, gray hair out of its ponytail. "Hi dear, how can I help you today?"

You fidgeted with your hands a little. "Huh, I was just trying to get my tires rotated, but my check engine light is on. The guy, Shanks, said I should come see you." you explained.

The man nodded. "Ah the boy. Yes of course I can help you." he wiped his hairline and sipped his water. "Shame you're out here in this heat. That boyfriend of yours shouldn't be having you out running car errands either."

Your cheeks warmed up, and you scratched one nervously. "I don't have a boyfriend." you softly corrected.

The man handed you a water bottle. "Well that can be fixed--easily." he chuckled. Before you could ask what he met, he held out his hand, and you gave him his keys. "I'm Rayleigh by the way." You nodded and with your own. "Beautiful, what a pleasure."

You stepped to the side as the man drove your car in and took out a little gadget to hook up to your car. You watched a bit confused as he pressed some buttons and frowned at the screen.

The sun continued to beam down, so you were glad you were wearing your short shorts and cropped hoodie, but you weren't expecting to be out alone with just you and the older man. The other shop had a lot of people coming in and out. You wiped your brow and chugged some of your water as you eyed the older man. You didn't feel too nervous though. Rayleigh seemed nice. He was all gentle smiles and had a calm demeanor. Plus, he looked good for his age. You bet he was a real lady killer in his day.

"I'm going to be honest, love. I think one of your catalytic converter is shot. We're going to need to replace it." the man sighed as he closed the door and looked over to you.

You blinked twice. "That's the expensive part, right?"

The man chuckled at your wording and nodded. "I'm afraid so. But don't worry. I won't charge you an arm and a leg." he assured you. You rocked the on your heels a little as you nibbled a little on your lip. "That's what Shanks said..."

"Let's get you out this heat." you entered a small office and sat at the desk. Rayleigh handed you another water bottle before taking off his denim jacket. You nearly choked. This man is jacked. He had on a white tee, but you weren't expecting the way his muscles filled it in. "You okay there?"

You cleared your throat and met a mischievous look. Hopefully, he didn't notice your stares. You nodded. He grinned as he typed away at his computer. "So I need to order the part, but I think including labor we're looking at this amount." he filled out an invoice and circled the total. Rayleigh watched as your body went rigid and he sighed. "I'm sorry sweetheart. I wish it could be less. I-,"

"Oh no, it's fine! You have a business to run of course," you gave a little nervous smile. Rayleigh gave you a once over before that innocent smile was back.

"Come here, princess."

You whipped your head up. "Excuse me?"

Rayleigh pushed away from the desk a little and patted a spot in front of him. "Come sit."

You stood and walked around the desk and sat. You gasped as your hand was taken and a soft kiss was placed on it. "You can't go giving an old man ideas especially with the way you're looking at me." you gasped in response. "We can do a little trade. What do you say? Let's see how many rounds you can last, and I'll make some adjustments." You were surprised by the challenge, but it excited you all the same. The old man seemed experienced. Plus, there was no way he was going to out last you either. It was an easy win-win.

~~~

"Fuck daddy, daddy!" your legs were shaking as the man continued to pump his fingers inside as you sat in his lap. You gripped tightly on his shoulders as you bounced up and down.

Rayleigh grinned meanly at you. "What's wrong, dear? It's only been two so far. I'm trying to be nice here. Can't you give me some more?" The man went back to licking and sucking on your nipples as you moaned and sobbed. Your walls started clenching on his fingers once more and you whined as he put more pressure on your clit with the heel of his palm. "Ah there we go. Good girl, I knew you could do it." He sucked a hickey right below your ear. "You flatter this old man with how you sound. Is it good?"

"Yes!" you groaned as you tipped over that mountain again.

It took you a couple moments to catch your breath, and when you were present again, you realized you were on the desk looking up at the man who didn't even have a hair out of place. That sweet smile was there, but with the three orgasms he just gave you, it was so deceiving. Your face was burning, and you let your eyes trail down to see his member out and proud. It was girthy and hard. You could see the veins that ran down and the streams of precum that had been leaking. You whimpered.

"I wanna suck it, daddy." your eyes glossed over, and your cheeks were shiny with tears.

The man groaned at the sight. He'd have to thank Shanks for sending you over. He shook his head. "Ah ah, no sweetheart. You can do that next time. This is your reward for being so good for me, princess." He lifted your hood and spread some of juices around. "Deep breath now," and he sunk in.

You cried out deliriously. He filled you so well and stretched you more than you expected even with prep. You hooked your legs around his waist and pulled him even closer. Rayleigh chuckled before pushing in further. "Fuck, you feel so good, love. Such a naughty girl just for carrying around this good pussy, shit." the man huffed as he started up a slow but strong rhythm.

Skin slapped against another loudly, and you were drowning it. It was too much yet not enough at the same time. Rayleigh grunted deliciously near your ear and cooed about how pretty you were, how good you felt, how he wanted to keep you around and fill you up. You clenched around him more and more, and he sped up. "I'll give it to you, baby. Good girl wants to get pumped full?"

"Yes, yes! Please, let me- uh uh, let me have it please." You cried out. You moaned as you were kissed deeply and felt your tongues twirled around. "Fuck, fuck! I'm gonna cum, daddy. I'm gonna cum. Fuck, yes!" Your orgasm hit you hard; you saw pure white in your eyes as you crashed and rode that wave into pleasure.

"So good. So good! I'll give it to you princess. Just take it," Rayleigh continued on and huffed loudly, glasses finally falling off. He gripped the back of your thighs as he finished and milked himself.

The two of stay silent for a moment before you squeaked as you felt fingers stuff you full. "Can't waste a drop." Rayleigh winked.

You looked at him completely stunned.

This was certainly not how you thought the day would go...

~~~

*rereads and blushes* God damn....

I hope I did justice to my mans Rayleigh! I'm just gonna indulge in this fantasy to pretend that I didnt have to drop cash on this damn car...

Thanks for reading!

Part Two

[messier-47]

My Unkept Man

As a birthday gift to both myself and you guys, I took on the challenge of writing a little bit of a brand new WIP that's been in my head for months.

Synopsis? Uchiha Izuna is dead, Konoha is/has been buit up and Madara is still in the deep throws of depression. Hashirama, who'd lost all of his brothers years ago decides to gift Madara with something to help take his mind off his grief, a cat. This story was gonna be one of those "Super depressed MC gets a pet and has to make a new resolve to get better for his cat."

Then my brain went, "What if this story was in the POV of the cat?"

When next I see the Silly Man I shall kill him.

Yes, that is what I’ll do, for he has locked me in here without a way to get out and it is too small a place for me. Let me out!

“Shuuu-shuuu-shuuush,” the Silly Man says out of his stupid mouth, “Please don’t be so loud, I’ll let you out soon.”

He is stupid. Has forgotten that he had stuffed me into this crate but I have not forgotten, so I shall remind him often. Let me out this insufferable box!

The Silly Man continues to gibber, but is easily distracted by something else - a doorway has opened!

“What is it, Hashirama?” ‘tis another Man.

“Madara!” exclaims the Silly Man, “I have a gift for you, my friend!”

“Gift?” is questioned, “For what?”

Ignored. “Do you remember when you told me that you wanted a cat?”

“I didn’t say that. I distinctly remember saying that I didn’t want a dog or cat.”

“But that Uchiha have cats.”

“Yeah, as summons. What have you done, Hashirama?”

“I got you a cat!” The box was opened and a great light blinded me! In the seconds of weakness, the Silly Man took ahold of my ribs and lifted my into the air! “Look! Ain’t he cute?”

Let go of me! I used my back paws to kick and claw at the Man paws around my chest but the Silly Man catches and clutches me closer to his chest and face. I have little room to move and be free, and I let him know my ire.

“He looks feral,” the Men say among themselves, too stupid to understand any sophisticated speech. “And is that…a domesticated house cat? Not even a neko nin!”

“And he’s yours,” said the Silly Man, “I thought he’d be good for you.”

I bat at the Silly Man’s face, my sharp claws extended; release me!

He dodges my powerful strikes but I catch some of his overlong fur within my grasp. Ugh! Now it’s stuck to me!

“Ah, yes,” gibbered the other Man, “He seems so nice.”

“He’s not always like this,” said the Silly Man. He’s talking about me. I always know when Man talks about me in my presence. Let me down! “He’s just upset that I put him in a crate for so long. Back in you go.”

No! Unhand me you fool!

“Ah!” the Silly Man cries out in defeat as I successfully escape his grasp. There is a long curtain by the window, I climb it to freedom! A tall shelf becomes my respite, Man may be bigger than I but not as tall as I now. They’ll never get me from here!

“Dang it!” says the Silly Man, “You never behave!”

“I don’t know, Hashirama,” says the other Man, twisting his arms over his chest, “Seems to me he’s got the right idea.”

“Oh, don’t be like that,” the Silly Man whimpered, “I think you’ll grow to like him if given the chance. And he could help you!”

“Help me?”

The two blathered whilst I sat well above their heads, out of reach and in a superior position for any counter attack. Should the Silly Man reach for me with his soft, fleshy paws and naked arms, I shall shred him to pieces.

“It’s been little over half a year, my friend,” said the Silly Man, voice having lost its vigor, “I worry about you.”

“Didn’t know you were keeping track,” said the other Man, “and it’s been eight months, if you even cared enough to know.”

“Madara!”

The Silly Man sometimes wasn’t so silly.

The Silly Man is strong. He was dangerous. Foolish, to be sure, especially when in comparison to my greatness, but the Silly Man wasn’t someone to forget he had his own set of sheathed claws.

“I care,” he said.

It was an ambush! Vines of great strength caught and tangled me up as a spider does prey. I protest this loudly, for I am no prey!

“It’s been eight months and you’re still grieving,” said the Stupid Man as he would not release me! The vines carried me down from my vantage point. “You haven’t been taking care of yourself and…I thought that having a pet might cheer your spirits up.”

I am brought into the arms of the Stupid Man. I intend to eat his liver.

“You brought a feral cat to cheer me up?” the other Man questioned.

“He’s not feral,” said the Stupid Man with an absent wave of his hand, “He’s been in the family for years now, King of the Senju Compound. He’s just…spicy!”

“And you think I’ll grow to like him?”

“You’re both surprisingly similar,” said the Silly Man before dumping my entrapped body into the hands of the other Man. “I thought you’d either get along like a house on fire or the house would definitely be on fire.”

I looked at the other Man and disapproved of him. He was just so…unkept! The fur on his head was too long to manage with a tongue, puffed up fluffy but his face was the typical Man face kept naked.

I bat at his face.

He does not dodge my sharp claws, his instincts dull and weak. My claws do not scratch him as I am too close for a proper graze, but my paw pushes him away by the fatness of his cheek.

He grumbles, “Does this thing have a name or can I call him Little Bastard or Shiro-Oni?”

“Don’t be mean,” the Silly Man scolds. I do not listen to him because I refuse. “His name is Tobirama.”

“Tobi-? What a pretentious first name!”

“Better than calling him ‘Little Bastard’. Come on, at least try. I know you’ll come to like him!”

The Unkept Man looks me in the eye and I look back.

He is so very ugly and I tell him so.

“Yeah?” says the Unkept man, “Well I don’t like you either.”

His blood shall wet my claws.

“Ah! You little-!”

“No Madara! Not the desk again!”

The indignity that one such as I must endure! With fang and claw, I shall reap all their suffering henceforth!

[iluv2koo]

The New Manager

Resume: Kita is desperate for a new manager, he would do anything to find one fem!Reader x Shinsuke Kita

Warnings: oral, blow job, cum on face (? And I think that's all

Note: all char are above +18

Alt note: english is not my first language sorry if there's any mistake

The time passed away, the competition was almost right on the corner and the desperation in Kita grow more every time seeing that no one wanted to become manager of inarizaki

It was almost time to go home and Kita didn't have any success, he was starting to feel a little depressed, how are he suppose to shows at his team and say that he didn't found a manager? the feeling inside his body was tormenting him, the time is out and after seeing everyone getting out of their class he laid his eyes on a girl who approached at him with a curious face

"Are you interested in joining the volleyball team? We're looking for a new manager" He tried to speak as animated as possible, he was really very desperate

"Im sorry.. I-" she spoke quickly and little bit sad but she couldn't finish her full sentence when Kita interrupted her

"Wait! We really need a manager.. Please?" He looked in her eyes deeply trying to convince her.. Maybe his words won't show how he was that desperate but he was in his limit, all he wanted was a manager that's all

"I'm sorry but I don't know anything about volleyball" she was feeling sorry about the boy, he really looked like he was trying his best

"That doesn't matter, you can join anyway" Kita gets more closer to her and took his hands "please.. I'll do anything if you join"

Those words hit her like a bucket full of cold water, a strange feeling ran through her entire body

"Anything?" She wanted to prove the truth in his words, you can't just promise that out of nowhere right?

"Yes, anything" He looked very serious and determined, it was now or never

she thought for a few seconds "What do I want?" She asked herself

As far as Kita is concerned, in any other situation he would have refused such a request... but right now? He had no choice, it's not that he wouldn't find the girl attractive but he wouldn't even have that thought in his head

but now he doesn't even have the ability to think about that moment... Just her on her knees while she sucks Kita dick like if it was the most sweet candy in the world while he tried to be as quiet as possible, letting out little sighs and complaints

She looked up to see the beautiful sight of Kita with his eyes closed and his face completely blushing that contrasted his face perfectly, he looked so pretty holding on as long as he could to not cum so quickly

She masturbated him while giving his tip witty licks

"Ah.. I'm gonna-" a moan interrupted his sentence

"What? What's wrong Kita?" She asked in a teasing tone, she was more than satisfied with this scene

"Cum.. " He could barely form words which made the girl more excited

"Cum on my face Kita" She put Kita's cock in her mouth again while slapping it on her tongue

Kita let out a moan worthy of a slut and came on the girl's face jets of semen shot towards the girl's face, falling from her mouth to her chin and some drops falling down her chest

She stood up satisfied with the work she had done, she looked at Kita with a smile as she saw how he could barely catch his breath

"So... You're gonna.. join the volleyball Club no?" He was still elated and could barely speak

She smiled again "see you there I guess" She came out looking like a winner, leaving Kita behind in that lonely janitor's closet

Kita sighed in defeat, he will definitely never talk about this again.

©iluv2koo this is a original work | it's the first time I write, I hope you guys enjoy it! and remember I am not a expert so be nice please 😭

[youraveragenicaddict]

Xavier Thorpe x Male Reader Headcannons

A/N  - sup my dudes, chicks and everything in between. I have risen from the dead aka depression and i decided to give y’all something i haven’t seen YET - a Xavier Thorpe x male reader ( cuz i’m a simp for dudes who look healf dead and tired as hell lmao) so enjoy :)) (if yall want me to write sum u can try submitting it but like i can’t promise that i will write it cuz im lazy af, but u can try ur luck lmao

First of all, I would like to imagine you’d be an Addams

And alternative like the rest of your family

When you run into him after you finished unpacking and left to find your sister, he wouldn’t give you much thought

And the fact that after running into him and falling down you curse, A LOT

‘‘Aw fucking hell man, watch where you’re going!’‘

And speed walking away after getting up

After that, he’d definitely be intrigued

Xavier is a sucker for alternative people let’s be honest

You would catch him staring when you’re reading and listening to The Cure or System of a Down

But then again, he’s probably staring at someone behind you or something, no way he’d be into you, a dude, right? And no way you’d be into him, out of all people.

That all changes after you keep seeing him in the hallways, you both are whipped for each other.

One day, you were walking to class and there were no seats left, except for the one next to him

Just your luck! ( Don’t lie, you’d be happy)

‘‘Hey, uhh, is this seat taken?’‘

‘‘Hi’‘

‘‘Is it?’‘

‘‘Uh no yeah no it’s not’‘, he stumbles over his words while moving his bag away so you can sit.

‘‘Cool, thanks, man.’‘

After that, you start to greet him when you see him, which is quite often since you both go to Nevermore.

Sometimes, you even start a conversation about art and other things, like teasing him about being in a secret club, which you definitely didn’t hear from your sister Wednesday.

Those little hi’s and hello’s turn into something else at the Rave’N.

Xavier is left stunned and speechless after your entrance. You were wearing combat boots, a beautiful black suit, and a fancy black dress shirt.

At first, you didn’t get along with Bianca, but after a heartwarming conversation about things you hate, you find out you actually have a lot in common, and she definitely notices your and Xavier’s mutual pinning, so she basically pushes him out of his seat to go talk to you.

‘‘Wow, Y’N, uh you look amazing, just, wow’‘

He stutters out.

‘‘Thanks, you look great too, can’t say that white is my favorite color but it suits you. Wanna dance?’’

‘‘Yes, yeah, definitely.’’

After dancing the night away, you decide it’s too stuffed inside so you leave to get some air. The cold night air never felt better. That’s not the only thing you wanted, you pull out a pack of cigarettes and light one. Ah nicotine, my beloved.

Of course, Xavier finds you and joins you on the cold ground after a few minutes, when your cigarette is smoked only halfway.

‘‘Since when do you smoke?’‘ He questions you.

‘‘Since I don’t know, it just happened. Uncle Fester offered me a cigar once and it kind of went on from there.’‘ You say smiling at him, which is quite rare.

Both of you sit in comfortable silence for a while, watching the stars and enjoying each other’s company.

‘‘Hey, may I ask you something?’‘

Xavier asks, clearly nervous about something. Without thinking, you put one of your hands over his, thinking it would comfort him, but it only makes him freeze.

‘‘Oh shit, sorry, my bad.’‘ You utter, sad when he pulls his hand away.

‘‘Oh no, it’s not that I don’t like it, you know, it’s not that I don’t like you, no I like you, uhm’‘ Xavier rambles on trying to find the right words.

‘‘What I’m trying to say is that I like you, I don’t know if I only like guys or girls or both but I know that I definitely like you, like I like guys, more specifically you.’‘

That wasn’t anything you were planning on hearing from him. You’re frozen in place, mouth agape just staring at him.

‘‘If it makes you uncomfortable I’ll if you don’t want to talk to me again and..’‘

You cut him off mid-sentence, pulling him by his tie into a kiss. At first, he doesn’t kiss you back, but after a short while, you can feel him ease into it.

When you pull back you can hear him utter a small whoa, which makes you slightly laugh.

Xavier is definitely smiling at you, admiring how beautiful you are.

‘‘Oh fuck off Thorpe.’‘ You scoff at him, slightly elbowing him in the shoulder.

‘‘You like me, you, Y/N Addams, like me.’‘ He retorts, grinning at you.

‘‘Yes, I like you, you idiot. Now come here, I want another kiss.’‘

[sleepybabybees]

Incorrect quotes return ✨️

Why? Simply because I can't sleep.

Ghost: Bridge the generation gap by combining old and new slang into one!

Price: Tubular AF!

Gaz: Mood to the max!

Soap, annoyed: Groovy, I hate it.

Laswell, just as annoyed: If she breathes, she’s a square.

----

Ghost: There are seven chairs and ten kids. What do you do?

Price: Have everyone stand.

Gaz: Bring three more chairs!

Soap: The most important ones can sit down.

Laswell: Kill three.

---

Laswell: Anyone d-

Ghost: Depressed?

Gaz: Drained?

Soap: Dumb?

Price: Disliked?

Laswell: -done with their work... what is wrong with you people...

---

Ghost: What’s something you guys are better than Price at?

Gaz: Mario Kart.

Soap: Yeah, video games.

Laswell: Emotional vulnerability.

---

Ghost: I’m an idiot.

Price:

Gaz:

Soap:

Laswell:

Ghost:

Price: If you’re waiting for us to disagree, this is going to be a long day.

---

Oryn: You're 'the second worst thing to ever happen to those orphans', what does that mean?

Eskell: It means i was second worst thing to happen to those orphans.

Oryn: but what’s the first worst thing?

*Awkward pause*

Eskell: Oryn, they...they weren’t always orphans.

Oryn:

---

Oryn: Eskell...

Eskell: Oh no, 'Eskell' in b-flat.

Eskell: You're disappointed.

---

Oryn: Violence isn't the answer.

Eskell: You’re right.

Oryn: *sighs in relief*

Eskell: Violence is the question.

Oryn: What?

Eskell, bolting away: And the answer is yes.

Oryn, running after him: NO-

---

Oryn: *Screams*

Eskell: *Screams louder to establish dominance*

Graves: Should we do something?

Price: No, I want to see who wins.

---

Price: Why are Oryn and Eskell sitting with their backs to each other?

Graves: They had a fight.

Price: Then why are they holding hands?

Graves: They get sad when they fight.

---

Oryn: I think we're missing something.

Eskell: Teamwork?

Graves: Cohesion?

Price: A general sense of what we’re doing?

---

Farah: How did none of you hear what I just said?

Alex: I’ve been zoned out for the past two and a half hours.

Ghost: I got distracted about halfway through.

Soap: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

---

Farah: Listen, I can explain...

Alex: You’re making $500,000 and you’re only gonna pay me $30,000?

Ghost: You’re getting 30 grand? I’m getting $1,000!

Soap: You guys are getting paid?

---

Farah: *Trying to fill out legal paperwork stuff* Were you guys born AMAB or AFAB?

Alex: Bold of you to assume I was born at all.

Ghost: I personally was created in a lab.

Soap: I just straight up spawned lol.

---

Farah: Go to Hell

Alex, tearing up: I wish I could

---

Farah: *holding a bottle* Is this whiskey or perfume?

Alex: *chugs entire bottle*

Alex: It’s perfume.

---

Nikolai: Must be hard not being able to laugh

Price: I do have a sense of humor you know

Nikolai: I’ve never heard you laugh before

Price: I’ve never heard you say anything funny

---

Nikolai: I'm a reverse necromancer.

Price: Isn't that just killing people?

Nikolai: Ah, technicality.

---

Nikolai: Okay. I get it. You've had a really hard time lately, you're stressed out, seven people died-

Price: Twelve, actually.

Nikolai: Not the point. Look, they're dead now and really whose fault is that?

Price: Yours!

Nikolai: That's right: no one's.

---

Nikolai: I made tea.

Price: I don’t want tea.

Nikolai: I did not make tea for you. This is my tea.

Price: Then why are you telling me?

Nikolai: It is a conversation starter.

Price: That’s a lousy conversation starter.

Nikolai: Oh, is it? We are conversing. Checkmate.

---

Gaz: Why are you on the floor?

Price: I'm depressed.

Price: Also I was stabbed, can you get Nikolai, please.

---

Nikolai: What if I press the brake and gas at the same time?

Price: The car takes a screenshot.

Gaz: For the last time, get the fuck out.

---

*Nikolai and Price sitting in jail together*

Price: So who should we call?

Nikolai: I’d call Gaz, but I feel safer in jail...so I'm going to call kate-

Price: good call-

---

Nikolai: Are you sure this is the right direction?

Price: Certainly, I'm as sure as I am honest!

Gaz: In that case, we're definitely lost.

---

Laswell: Just be yourself.

Price: 'Be myself'? Kate, I have one day to win Nikolai over. How long did it take before you guys started liking me?

Soap: Couple weeks.

Gaz: Six months.

Ghost: Jury’s still out.

Price: See, Kate?

Price: 'Be myself'. What kind of garbage advice is that?

---

Nikolai: We need to distract these guys

Price: Leave it to me

Price: Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss.

Gaz, Soap, and Laswell: *Immediately begin arguing*

Ghost, watching in horror: Oh, this. I don’t like this. I don't like this at all.

---

'Can I copy the homework?'

Nikolai: I can help you with it!

Price: Yeah, sure.

Gaz: Bold of you to assume I did the homework.

Soap: lol nope.

Laswell: Wait, we had homework?!?!?!

Ghost: *Read 5:55pm*

---

Nikolai: Croissants: dropped

Price: Road: works ahead

Gaz: BBQ sauce: on my titties

Soap: Shavacado: fre

Laswell: Miss Keisha: fuckin dead

Ghost:

Ghost, grumpy: I didn’t understand a single word of that, and I hate every single one of you.

---

Alejandro: I prevented a murder today.

Rudy: Really? How’d you do that?

Alejandro: self control.

---

Alejandro: Is letting someone win at chess sapiosexual bottoming

Ghost: my dad would argue yes.

Soap: yes

Gaz: if you wanna see it that way, sure

Rudy: Does anyone in this godforsaken group ever think before they speak

---

Alejandro: I was thinking I'd do some magic-

Rudy: You? Magic? Alejandro, it says talent show.

---

Alejandro: Do you ever want to talk about your emotions, Rudy?

Rudy: … No.

Valeria: I do!

Alejandro: I know, Valeria.

Valeria: I’m El Sin Nombre!

Alejandro: I know, Valeria.

---

Alejandro: What's a word thats a mix between 'sad' and 'mad'?

Rudy: Disgruntled, miserable, desolated-

Valeria: Smad.

---

Store Worker: Would a Mr. Rudy please come to the front desk?

Rudy, arriving at the desk: Hello, is there a problem?

Store Worker: points to Alejandro and Valeria

Store Worker: I believe they belong to you?

Alejandro and Valeria, simultaneously: We got lost :(

Rudy: I didn’t even bring you guys here with me

[aishangotome]

Alfons Sylvatica: Chapter 20

Chapter 19 Premium Story

♡———♡

The next morning, I woke up and immediately felt something was off.

(Huh...?)

I was the only one in bed.

It should be natural since it's my room, but it felt terribly strange.

(...I felt like I slept with someone yesterday...)

(...Who was it?)

I try to remember, but I can't remember anything like a fog has settled.

Even when I look around my body and the bed, it's neatly arranged and there's no trace of anyone being there.

But...

(This scent...what is it?)

Suddenly, when I moved, a sweet scent brushed past my nose.

(I wonder what it is...when I smell this scent...)

(I feel so sad...)

(Even though I don't know it, it feels like a very important scent to me...)

Like a flower wet with night dew, quiet and clear...

...It was a scent that I wanted to be wrapped in forever.

-

Kate: Good morning.

Roger: Ah, morning.

Roger was the only one sitting in the dining room.

Kate: Where is everyone else?

Roger: Jude and Ellis are at work as usual. Liam and Harrison are at the cake shop.

Roger: Victor and Will are at the palace, and El is...probably collapsed somewhere.

Roger tells me everyone's schedule and bites into his bread.

Kate: Thank you for yesterday.

Roger: No problem, my research on the curse progressed as well, so it's a give and take, right?

Roger: Are you feeling okay? You looked quite pale yesterday.

Eat, Roger says, pushing a silver stand with toast towards me.

Kate: Yes, I'm completely fine now...

(Huh...why was I so depressed?)

I realized that last night's events were vague and hazy.

(During the day, Roger and I went to see the family of someone who we thought might have had a "mirror curse"...)

(And then...)

Kate: Why was I looking so pale...?

Roger: Oh? That's because the results of the investigation weren't good, of course.

Roger: It seems that just having a keepsake isn't enough to escape the fate of the "mirror curse."

Kate: ...But why was I so desperate to find a way to escape the fate of the "mirror"...

My chest suddenly felt a sharp pang.

(This feeling...what is it...?)

I'm driven by an intense impatience, as if I'm being burned from the inside.

(I have to remember.)

(I need to remember.)

(It must have been something I absolutely can't forget.)

---...You're a real fool, aren't you?

I hear someone's voice dwelling in my head.

--It's okay, I understand. I've lost.

Whose voice is this?

--Let's end this.

Who are you?

Alfons: --"I loved you," in my own way.

Kate: ...!

Kate: Alfons...

Roger: Alfons? Who is that...?

After a moment of blank silence, his eyes widen.

Roger: --Damn, we got played...!

Kate: Did he use his ability on us while we were sleeping...?

Roger: Probably. He must have chanted something like, "When you wake up, you'll forget everything about me."

Roger: I was taking a nap in the lab. That guy...he used his ability on me while I was sleeping.

Kate: He probably did it to me while I was sleeping too...but why would he do this...?

(--No way.)

"Let's end this."

(No, that's impossible.)

I immediately deny the possibility that came to mind.

Because it's too absurd to do "that" for someone you don't even love.

(But--)

Elbert: ...Kate, Roger.

Kate: Elbert...!

The moment I saw Elbert enter the dining room, I rushed towards him.

Kate: Do you remember Alfons...!?

Elbert: ...Yes.

Elbert: Al's ability...has always been a little weak on me.

Elbert: I remembered as soon as I saw the note he left.

(Note…)

The note that was handed to her simply said, “Have a lovely rest of your life.”

Kate: …This is…

“Have a good life,” it’s like a farewell message for the rest of your life.

Roger: It’s more like a will than a note.

Kate: …

The thought she had just dismissed came back to her.

Elbert: …I once asked Al what he would do if you didn’t give up on him.

(Give up…)

**flashback to last night**

Alfons: To see if you’ve truly given up on me.

**end of flashback**

Elbert: Al only answered, “I’ll think about it then.”

Elbert: But I thought there was only one option the Al I know would take…

Kate: What is that…?

(Please)

(Tell me an answer that is different from what I’m imagining)

She stared at Elbert, as if praying.

Elbert: Before you pour any more of your heart, body, and time into Al and fall even more in love with him…

Elbert: He would disappear.

The moment she heard those words, her mind, which had been boiling with confusion and agitation, cooled down.

(That’s right, the Alfons I’ve seen is the kind of person who would do “that kind of thing.”)

**flashback**

Kate: Are you…the kind of person who would throw away your life for a favorite toy?

Alfons: Yes.

Alfons: After all, my life is lighter than a tin soldier’s.

**end of flashback**

Kate: …I have to find him.

Kate: I didn’t fall in love with him so he could do something like that…

Elbert: …I had a feeling you’d say that.

Elbert: I usually don’t chase after Al either, but this time is an exception.

Elbert: –I won’t allow him to just disappear like that.

(Elbert, are you angry…?)

It was unexpected.

But she understood his feelings well.

He underestimates the feelings directed towards him.

Roger: But it won’t be easy to find someone who can fool Victor’s eyes.

William: –Liam just reported on Alfons’ whereabouts.

Kate: William!?

(He went to the palace? And why…?)

Kate: Wasn’t Liam supposed to go to the cake shop…?

William: The Privy Council tipped off the Purification Club, and they had their eye on Alfons.

William: So Liam and Harrison have been tailing Alfons since the other day.

Kate: Is that so…?

William: It was more about following the trail of people trying to contact Alfons.

William: The goal was to locate the residence of a Purification Club leader…

William: However, this morning, Alfons didn’t shake off their tail, but rather, he was obediently taken away.

(No way…)

William: I’m going to go and punish the Purification Club members at the place he’s headed to, but…

Kate: You guys are–

William narrowed his eyes.

William: It doesn’t seem like I need to ask what you’re going to do.

-

(Alfons' POV)

The Purification Club members I easily caught by simply wandering around the alleys took me to a room in an old mansion decorated with faded paintings.

The place was covered in dust and had poor taste for an interrogation room.

Lawmaker with Round Glasses: You came along quite easily.

Alfons: If someone calls out to me, I’m the type to follow anyone anywhere.

Alfons: Wasn’t that written in the materials shared by the Privy Council bigwigs?

A dilapidated mansion, rarely visited by anyone.

In the center of a room, surrounded by several armed men, a figure sits in a chair.

––The ideal situation.

Alfons: I suppose Lord Gore isn't here in person?

Alfons: Of course not. In evil organizations, it's usually the underlings who do the dirty work.

Lawmaker with Round Glasses: We are not an evil organization. You are the one who belongs to an evil organization, are you not?

Lawmaker with Round Glasses: Showing off your suspicious powers everywhere has come back to bite you.

Lawmaker with Round Glasses: When I told a certain person about the hotel break-in and your physical characteristics, your name came up immediately.

Alfons: Oh my! Who could it be? If they're a fan of mine, I'll entertain them for a night.

Mocking him, the man's temples throbbed with visible veins, just as Alfons had hoped.

(Ah, good. He seems pretty easy to manipulate.)

With a few more taunts, he'd likely lose his patience.

Alfons: ...Are you familiar with the story of Snow White?

Alfons: Who is the most foolish in that story? The most cruel?

Lawmaker with Round Glasses: I didn't bring you here to listen to childish riddles.

Lawmaker with Round Glasses: Tell me about the organization you belong to and its members. If you do, I'll spare your life.

Alfons: Heh... Is this your first time?

Alfons: You should have learned from a professional interrogator before proceeding.

Alfons: Interrogation won't be successful unless you properly research your subject and figure out what threats will make them talk.

Lawmaker with Round Glasses: ...Good advice for a fool who wanders into enemy territory.

Lawmaker with Round Glasses: Let me answer your ridiculous riddle.

Lawmaker with Round Glasses: The most foolish one here is you, and the most cruel one is me.

Alfons: Bzzt. Sorry, incorrect.

Alfons: The answer to both questions is the mirror.

Alfons: Speaking unnecessary truths and causing tragedy... Don't you think it's irresponsible towards the story's ending?

Lawmaker with Round Glasses: W-What are you trying to say!? Do you not value your life!?

Alfons: Can't you even enjoy a little wordplay? Read between the lines.

Alfons: I hate tragedies.

Alfons: So even if you kill me right now, I won't complain.

Alfons: Go ahead, feel free. Whenever, wherever.

The man with the round glasses, seemingly unable to comprehend the words, snorted.

Lawmaker with Round Glasses: You are a valuable source of information. I won't kill you until you tell me about your "Crown" friends.

Alfons: ... For the sake of your poor comprehension of the unspoken, shall I speak plainly?

He stands up from his chair and approaches the lawmaker.

The guards, who had been lulled into a false sense of security by his lack of resistance, all raised their guns at once.

(Yes, good boys.)

Alfons: I refuse to tell the truth. No matter what you do to me, you won't get any accurate information from me.

-

(Kate's POV)

Guided by William, we left the castle and met up with Harrison and Liam a short distance from the mansion where Alfons was taken.

This was because Roger noticed guards lurking around the mansion.

Roger: They're probably trying to get information on anyone who comes to rescue Alfons, in other words, members of the Crown.

(If we rush in carelessly, we'll put the Crown itself in danger.)

(...But��)

I couldn't help but want to rush in right away, thinking about when memories of him might be lost forever.

Elbert: Roger... can you make sure you don't miss any of the lurking guards?

Roger: Considering their positions and numbers, we'll need four people.

Elbert: ...Then, can I leave it to you?

Elbert: Kate and I will go inside.

Kate: Elbert...!

It wasn't just me who was surprised; everyone else was looking at Elbert with a slightly surprised expression.

Harrison: Wow. That's rare for El to be so proactive.

Liam: All right. I'll make sure to take care of any witnesses who see you two.

William: —Do as you please.

William: We'll head over as soon as we're done taking care of the lurkers.

-

(Alfons' POV)

Alfons: I refuse to tell the truth. No matter what you do to me, you won't get any accurate information from me.

Lawmaker with Round Glasses: You––

Alfons: Come on, come on, aren't you going to shoot? Don't any of you have the guts?

As I take one step at a time towards the muzzle of the gun and smoothly draw the saber from my waist, I hear the sound of gun hammers being cocked from all directions.

To kill a valuable prisoner, the lower ranks need an excuse.

(Such as provoked and enraged, unable to control my emotions)

(Attacked and felt my life was in danger, so my survival instincts kicked in)

If the latter is added to the former, the trigger becomes even lighter.

Lawmaker with Round Glasses: Don't shoot yet!

Alfons: Oh! So you can kill people from the slums like trash, but you're hesitant to shoot a "noble"?

Alfons: I'm so sorry, how rude of me.

Alfons: I may be dressed like a noble, but... I was born in the slums, which you all despise.

(One more push)

All I have to do is make the stupid underlings who didn't take my saber away because I wasn't resisting think "this guy is dangerous."

Alfons: So, how about it? Can you do it?

Alfons: If you still don't have the courage, I'll cut off one of your arms.

I put my killing intent into it and pointed the tip of my sword at him.

Kate: ...Alfons!!

Alfons: ...?

––I heard a voice I shouldn't have heard.

-

A voice I shouldn't be able to hear reaches my ears, and for a moment, the mocking smile I'd been wearing fades away.

If this were a play, this is where I'd be expecting boos from the audience.

Turning around, I see her rushing towards me.

(––Why?)

I knew Liam and Harrison were tailing me.

My plan was to lead them here, provoke the Purification Club enough to get myself killed before they arrived.

Then, Crown would interrogate the guy with his professional techniques, expose the Purification Club's leader, and we'd have a happy ending.

My corpse would be disposed of with the other guards, barely remembered. It would have been perfect.

––Or so I thought.

Alfons: Ugh.. Seriously.

Alfons: Reality really sucks.

Alfons: You're all dragging your feet and now we're in trouble.

Man: Is that woman one of his companions---!?

Lawmaker with Round Glasses: I don't know, it's not in the report. She's probably one of the women this guy picked up.

Lawmaker with Round Glasses: ––Whatever, kill her.

The gun was pointed at her.

(Oh, really)

This is ridiculous.

-

(Kate's POV)

Kate: ...Alfons...?

Everything felt like it was in slow motion.

The gun that was aimed at Alfons turned towards me.

The next thing I knew, Alfons' back was shielding me.

Slowly, his body tilted—and finally, the flow of time returned when his body collapsed onto the floor.

Kate: Alfons...!!

Lawmaker with Round Glasses: What are you doing! Damn it! If he's dead, how am I supposed to report this to Councilman Gore...?

Guard who fired: I-I apologize!

Lawmaker with Round Glasses: Forget it! You useless fools! Don't move a muscle until I give the order!

While hearing the commotion as if it were far away, I rushed to Alfons.

I put his head on my lap and managed to lift his upper body.

Kate: Alfons! Alfons!? Can you hear me!?

Lawmaker with Round Glasses: You woman, you're in the way, move!

He called out in a loud voice, and I looked up with a start.

(This person—)

The lawmaker with the round glasses who was talking to Councilman Gore at the Purification Club hotel was glaring at us.

A cold muzzle, like a black hole, was pointed directly at us.

Lawmaker with Round Glasses: Get away from that man. If we torture him even as he dies, he might spill something—

Lawmaker with Round Glasses: Ugh, uugh!? What...!? M-My head—

(Lord Elbert...!)

Before I knew it, Lord Elbert was standing behind him.

Elbert: ...You, on the other hand...

Elbert: Could you please... not interfere with them?

Whether it was because of Lord Elbert's ability or not, the lawmaker with the round glasses clutched his head, collapsed to the ground, and started sobbing.

(I don't know what happened... but we're saved.)

The bewildered guards were frozen in place at the abnormal sight.

Alfons: Pfft, ugh, ahahaha!

Kate: ...!?

Suddenly, I heard laughter from my arms, and consciousness returned to Alfons.

Kate: Alfons!? Thank goodness, you're conscious... but why are you laughing!?

Alfons: Ahah, no, I'm sorry, it's just... I found it funny, ahaha!

Every time he spoke, his black clothes were gradually getting soaked with blood.

Kate: Blood...! You're bleeding! Stop laughing!

Kate: We need to stop the bleeding quickly...!

The blood was flowing from around his shoulder.

I pressed a handkerchief tightly against the endlessly gushing wound.

In an instant, the white handkerchief turned red.

Alfons: Ha... ugh, hehe, ha, I'm sorry, I know I'm bleeding profusely...

Alfons: But I can't help but laugh... ahaha!

(So much blood is flowing...)

Kate: What's so funny!? It's not funny at all...!

Tears welled up in my eyes.

A black-gloved fingertip gently wiped away the tears that were about to spill.

Alfons: ...Hehehe. You're so desperate, it's silly.

Alfons: To think you'd remember me so quickly and chase me all the way here.

The warmth I feel through his gloves tightens my chest and brings tears to my eyes again.

Alfons: You really are a person who can't get what she wants, aren't you?

Alfons: It's so amusing how nothing goes your way that I can't help but laugh.

Kate: Sh-shut up...

Elbert: Kate, let's use this to tie it tightly over the handkerchief.

Lord Elbert rushes over, holding a long, white cloth.

It looks like he tore it from the edge of his long coat.

Looking around, I see that all the guards are also crouched down like the bespectacled councilman.

Kate: Th-thank you.

Alfons: Humph... Elbert, were you always this... competent?

Elbert: In times like these, you make do with what you have... That's what you taught me a long time ago.

Alfons: ...Such a goody-two-shoes.

After firmly bandaging the wound with the cloth, Lord Elbert left the room to call Roger.

Alfons: ...I wonder why you woke up so soon.

Alfons says, looking puzzled.

Kate: H-how would I know... something like that.

Alfons: If only you had remained deceived a little longer.

Alfons: You wouldn't have had to witness the death of the person you love.

Alfons: By the time the illusion faded... you could have forgotten me completely.

Kate: P-please don't say... death...

Kate: No... Please don't die.

Kate: My love, my feelings, they're still...

Kate: Please don't let them become an illusion...

I could only hold Alfons tightly.

So that the creeping shadow of death wouldn't snatch him away.

So that his existence, my memories, wouldn't disappear like a mirage.

Alfons: Haa...

Alfons stirs in my arms.

I panic when I realize he's trying to sit up.

Kate: You can't get up! The blood...

Alfons: This is truly, completely, from the bottom of my heart, not what I wanted.

A warmth brushes against my lips.

(A kiss...)

It was the briefest of touches... The most fleeting, yet the most deeply etched kiss I've ever experienced.

Alfons: ...It seems I love you quite a bit, after all.

Kate: Wh-what?

Alfons: To the extent that I want to utter these words on my deathbed and leave an unforgettable mark on your life.

Alfons: Life is quite... unpredictable, isn't it?

After smiling, his head wobbles.

(No...)

(No, please.)

Kate: ...More.

Kate: I'll make you leave more behind...! I won't let you die here...

His eyes, which seemed ready to close at any moment, slowly looked up at me.

Alfons: ...Then... shall we make a bet?

Kate: ...A bet...?

Alfons: If I die, I win. Goodbye, have a good life.

Alfons: But if I survive... you win.

Alfons: As you wish, we'll love each other properly—

Alfons: And I'll tear your life to shreds.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Blind Love Chapter 21

Mad Love Chapter 21

If you’d like to support my translations, feel free to buy me a coffee here! :)

[adventuringblind]

Drive With You Forever

Chapter 6.1: some chaotic group texts

Max Verstappen x Charles Leclerc x Lando Norris x Reader

Chapter summary: just some group texts between the quartet

Warnings: sexual innuendo, mentions of the Daniel incident, Max being a dad, Lando being a menace, reader is gullible, Charles is a clutz

Notes: I felt the need to show you the chaos I have going in my notes and writing software for these four

Previous <-

Masterlist

Lando: so what's the plan for tonight?

Charles: Max won so its up to him

Lando: but like... I could not do what he says 😈

Y/N: ah yes I love watching Lando suffer

Lando: hey! You're just no fun!

Y/N: i am fun and also do what I'm told. I think Charles would agree with me 👀

Charles: yes, but it's also fun to watch as Lando begs for mercy.

Maxy: and here I thought we could have a soft night

Lando: absolutely not

Lando: I woke up a menace to society, and I plan on ending the day that way

Charles: Lando no

Y/N: Lando no

Lando: Lando yes

Lando corrupts y/n

Maxy: Lando, I swear on everything that if I find you starting before me and Charles get there, I will not let you finish for a year.

Lando: guess who's here with me

Lando: *image*

Charles: At least she's waiting like we asked

Lando: unless 👀

Y/N: I tried to tell him

Charles: Lando, I will not hesitate

Lando: ha! Look at the perfect angel now! *video*

Maxy: I'm stunned

Maxy: I swear I will have both of you crying by the end of tonight

Y/N: I'm sorry! Lando started talking, and my head just did what he said :(

Charles: sounds about right

Lando: *video*

Maxy: how the fuck are you even recording this??

Lando: skills.

Charles: you're corrupting the innocent!! Leave the angel alone!!

Max being a dad

Maxy: what time is everyone planning on being home? I have dinner on the stove

Y/N: I am home. I have no friend remeber?

Maxy: is my company nit enough for you? 🫢

Y/N: You sound like Seb rn

Lando: after Jon let's me live in peace

Maxy: work hard Lan! You'll make it!

Lando: Did you wake up okay? Are you sick? When did you become a father?

Maxy: why are you being so mean?

Charles: I won't be there for dinner, my mother is feeding me tonight

Y/N: awe! That's so sweet!

Maxy: be safe!

Charles: 😶

Lando: 😶

Y/N: Sometimes he's dad, but most of the times, he's daddy

Y/N becomes an avenger

Y/N: I have decided to learn martial arts

Lando: intresting. Why?

Y/N: because all the avengers know martial arts and I'm already halfway there

Charles: anyone sometimes forget that y/ns powers aren't normal?

Charles: like we're litteraly dating a superhero

Maxy: just be glad you weren't there when she learned she could use it on people

Maxy: I scared her so bad she accidentally threw me across the paddock the first race back from break

Maxy: I'm sad to say I was turned on from it

Lando: does this mean you'll be fighting crime?

Y/N: Does crippling depression count as a crime? If so, then yes

Y/N does some research

Y/N: did you guys know this is a thing???

Y/N: *link*

Charles: alright whoever gave her access to Google (lando) I promise I won't be mad if you confess

Lando: why do you think it's me?

Charles: because of what that link it

Max: who told you about this y/n?!

Y/N: it was Carlos, actually. He mentioned it and I was confused sk I asked what it meant and he said to Google it

Charles: I will be having words woth my teammate

Y/N: he said it's where people share ideas about what they do in the bedroom

Lando: honey... no

Max: Sometimes, I forget you are still gullible

Lando: on the other side... any intresting finds 🤔

Y/N: now I'm confused

Lando: nothing new

Charles: Lando be nice, the poor girl was just told about this

Charles: I asked Carlos what he said

Charles: did you really not know the females can do this?

Y/N: No? It's not like anyone has ever sat me down and explained every atmomical function of my body, and this one just sounds weird

Max: Anyone down for further research? 🤚🏻

Charles: Obviously, we can't let this opportunity go to waste

Lando: maybe we can convince her of other things while we're at it

Y/N: you're so mean to me

Post Daniel incident

Lando: You should have seen Daniel during interviews today!

Lando: he's an absolute disaster!

Charles: what a pervert

Max: Please tell me he's not making eyes at you

Y/N: Doesn't he have eyes? Why would he need to make them?

Max: I'll explain that one later

Lando: No, he's not. Don't worry, your pretty little heads

Lando: he's been blushing at every question that involves us

Y/N: as partners?

Lando: everything.

Lando: "what do you think of the grid quartet? Are you all still close friends?"

Lando: his response was between yes and no, and he couldn't make eye contact with the interviewer

Max: I think we did a number on him

Charles: a well deserved number might I add

Max: we're never doing that again though

Y/N: omg! I tried to go say hi, and a reporter spotted us and came to ask a question but turned around after he heard Daniel apologize for my throat for the millionth time 🤭

Lando: man can't win today

Charles: I'm glad he apologized

Max: I'm glad he's finally stopped trying to take pictures of us

Max: If he ever does it again, I'm running him off the track and into the wall

Charles the uncordinated

Lando: Has anyone seen Charles? I made dinner for us and can't find him.

Max: You know me and y/n are in a meeting rn right?

Lando: yes but I'm worried

Y/N: Can't we see each ithers location?

Lando: ...

Lando: Why is he at the park?

Charles: I went for a run, remember?

Lando: that was two hours ago, mate

Charles: ... it's been a long run

Max: is everything okay Charlie?

Y/N: Did you sprain it?

Lando: Sprain what??

Charles: :/

Charles: traitor

Y/N: I had a vision that he fell while out on his run and told him to be careful around the curbs

Y/N: it looked pretty bad. Do you need us to go get you, love?

Max: The answer is yes. We're on our way to get you.

Charles: I can get home myself

Charles: is Lando upset? The radio silence from him is killing me

Charles: nvm he's running at me in his bright orange McLaren sweatshirt

Charles: he's holding a first aid kit

Lando: WEEWOOWEEWOOWEEWOO

Lando: no need to worry, the doctor is in ;)

Charles: Someone save me

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