#ah man on that note I should get a new bomber maybe
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this guy fucking gets it
#this is a book about urban exploration but I feel this very strongly on principle#A JACKET IS NOT PULLING ITS WEIGHT UNLESS IT HAS AT LEAST EIGHT POCKETS!!!#ah man on that note I should get a new bomber maybe#I bullied my dad into giving me his years ago (asked and he said yes) and it's a bit falling apart...#actually it's been awhile since I wore it regularly I should just inspect it and see how reparable it is 🤔
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Hidehiko “Brown” Uesugi pages from the Megami Ibunroku Persona club book (1997)
Next: Eriko Kirishima
Last: Yuka Ayase
Notes and certain translation explanations under read more -
Brown’s scribbles in case they are be hard to read:
I can’t just let you have a copy of all my secret data!
Birthday - Japan’s New Year. It’s 1/1, of course!
Sign - Asakusa France Club. My sign’s pretty old, no?
Blood Type - 4A-G. Seems like I have a car engine in me! Nah, the truth is I’m type-O.
Favorite Food - Hay. Though, I guess I also like hamburgers and curry.
Favorite Color - Brown, duh…
Fashion of Choice - I always look good no matter what I wear, unlike Mark.
Subscription - I read Bombom just to make fun of it! I swear!
Family Members - An ultra mom, dad, and king (me)
Hobby/Special Skill - Persona Wonderful Bomber
Personal Accessory - I feel I should trade the goggles out for something else soon. Though, I still love showing off my boots.
What do you do in your spare time? - I strive for world peace!
Wild how these boots neglected the tide of the times! They’ve withheld 62,000 kilometers!
I have such beautiful legs! Like that of a woman!! But that should be obvious, hmm? Hahaha!
Gotta wear a watch to make sure I don’t miss my date with a cutie!
Nothing beats my amazing style! Or should I say my good looks!!
Head: Well, I can’t lose to Mark. Bahahaha!!
Hair: You know my hair’s actually a wig, right? I gotta replace it with a new one every day. Maybe I’ll get a mohawk next.
Eyes: 200
Heart: Very healthy! Loving
Skin: My skin is so so so so so soft because I take great care of it every day! Why not give it a feel?
Body: Special Excellent Super Ultra Nice Body - Looks like I’m impossible to measure!! (Forgot to write this last part in; oops )
Height: 57 Meters
Weight: 550 Tons
Bust-Waist-Hip Measurements: 99.9/55.5/88.8 It seems I’m Fujiko Mine. Sorry… that was a lie.
Intellect: [Quick] <- crossed out
Underwear: Ah, so tight, I’m bulging out of this bikini bottom!! I’m a Calvin Klein kind of guy, could you tell? Pretty sexy, right?
Fujiko: Lupin <3
Foot Size: Jurokumon kick!!
Sock Color: Of course, they’re brown.
If it’s not brown, it doesn’t matter to the marvelous me
Super hero / Great Dangerous Cool Guy Brown-sama !!!
Star Sign Meaning: An old performing arts theater in the special wards of Tokyo. It’s mostly known for being a theater for various performances (mostly comedy) with the history of having originally been a strip theater. Brown here is making a pun in the original Japanese as the Japanese name for the theater is “浅草フランス座” which directly translated is “浅草 Asakusa (the location of the theater) フランス France (the name of the original strip club that was here; france is used a lot in various places in the world to symbolize sexuality and/or promiscuity e.g. french kissing) 座 Place”. The character 座 can mean both place or an ender for star constellations; like 天秤座 (libra). Brown is using the Toyokan theater specifically for this joke because it ends with 座 like star constellations do, while also alluding to something with a sexual comedic history.
Reading of Choice: monthly Japanese manga magazine targeted at elementary-school aged boys. Each issue was around 700+ pages. Was discontinued in 2007.
Hobby/Special Skill: a reference to “Super Ultra Great Delicious Wonderful Bomber”. A move by the character Rocky Hada from the 80’s manga The Burning Wild Man.
Foot Size: 16キック 16文キック(じゅうろくもんキック) The 16-sentence kick (Jurokumon kick) is a type of professional wrestling technique and is classified as a kicking technique. Famously used by Giant Baba. This is a joke playing with a wrestling name that involves a unit of measurement and the use of feet.
Above Name/General: Brown is writing these long titles to make him seem like a Shonen-hero, as in Japanese they often have very long exaggerated names.
[Page 2]
Koitsu/コイツ - a phrase Brown shouts in the Japanese version of the game which translated roughly to “Hey, you!” in a bit of a more vulgar, rough way.
[Page 7]
US Brad: I think Satomi is annoyed because Brown’s name is already in English and they could still use the same story with the Japanese “name” but they didn’t keep it.
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Between the Lines || XII
PAIRING: Steve Rogers & Fem!Reader (Platonic) / Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader / Wanda Maximoff x Fem!Reader / Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader x Wanda Maximoff
Summary: Vampire AU. Life has changed drastically since the 1600s. Things are always on the move, and you’ve been very careful to not get on SHIELDs radar. Living on the down-low owning a café, you’re content to live out a quiet existence. That is until the Avengers enter your life.
[Set after the New York Invasion, in CAWS, and goes up to AoU. Canon divergent after.]
Warnings: This series will contain smut(**), poly-relationship, and dark themes.
Note: Introducing....David’s king 😏🥰
PART I || PART II || PART III || PART IV || PART V || PART VI || PART VII || PART VIII || PART IX || PART X || PART XI
PART XII of XX
Translations:
не против - Don’t mind
ти си моето семејство, во овој и во следниот живот - You’re my family, in this life, and the next.
Count: 5,633
⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷
"Ah..."
The sound made you stop, pulling your mouth away as you stood straighter while licking your lips.
Wanda stood in front of you, breathless as she leaned against the wall, unable to move too much with the tight space. Her hands drifted from your neck to rest on your biceps. Turning, you look at the mirror before you.
Eyes red with stained lips, you internally sighed, feeling an uncomfortable pit in your stomach that told you everything felt both right and wrong.
"I think that's enough..." You say quietly so Wanda can hear, but you don't attract too much attention outside. You turn to grab some paper towels from the dispenser as you wet them under the sink to wipe your mouth.
Turning to Wanda, you notice you hadn't closed up the wound on her neck and purse your lips. The brunette seems to realize as well as she tilts her head to the side, exposing her neck to you once more before she grabs the edge of your bomber jacket and pulls you back against her roughly.
"Wanda," you call her name in warning. Though you are a seasoned vampire, you weren't looking to dance along the edge with the newly feeding you have to do.
"You should finish me off before you say you're done at least," Wanda says, and you feel yourself biting your tongue at how suggestive she sounds.
You wonder if she's doing it on purpose.
Nonetheless, you sigh, leaning your head down, careful to not brush yourself more against her than you must. You lick at the bite wounds, tentatively but quickly, watching the wounds close after.
You pull away, Wanda letting her grip go on you. You use the wet towel to wipe her neck clean of the bloodstains before you throw it down the toilet and flush.
Though feeding gives you energy and revitalizes you, you can't help but feel drained from the experience.
You're about to leave again when Wanda pulls you back.
"Wanda," you say in a more serious warning this time. She's been a little more daring the past couple of days, and you're both intrigued and frightened by it.
Luckily for you, Wanda seems to know where the line is.
"Relax," Wanda cocks her brow. "Your eyes are still glowing red. You should wait until it subsides before you go out."
You look back in the mirror, eyes glowing red brightly, and you sighed. Your body was overly excited about feeding again, and it would take time to adjust.
The two of you idly stand in the small space. You could hear people coming back and forth to check if the washroom is empty.
"So, how often is often?" Wanda asks.
You stand stiffly, cursing at how small airplane washrooms are.
"For now, once a week," you answer her. "But let me know if you feel unwell, and I will check to see if it's my venom."
Wanda nods, blinking languidly.
"I'm sorry," you say when you notice she looks tired. "I promise I will find a way to fix this."
Wanda gave you a tiny smirk.
"No rush."
⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷
When you returned to your seat, you sat down with a sigh.
"You alright?" Natasha asked as she grabbed your hand. You turn to look at David. He was clutching his legs in tighter so that Wanda could squeeze past him to her seat.
"Yeah, sorry for taking so long. The red in my eyes are still adjusting to fresh blood," you apologize to Natasha, pulling her hand to kiss the back of it gently before you settle in your seat.
It was just you and Natasha in the aisle, a small moment of peace that you're thankful for. It's been rather quiet between you and Natasha the last few days. When David had located Leo's descendant, he wanted to book the flight for the next day, but you insisted on taking a couple days to get your things together and rest.
The days that followed were simply being in your home with Natasha, quiet as it seemed like Natasha was working through her own emotions and things she seemed not ready quite yet to speak to you about.
And you were okay with that.
"Have you been to Nashville before?" Natasha asks as she looks out the window, the city getting closer in view as it lowers.
You nod, rubbing your thumb idly on the back of her hand. "Yes," you say, "In fact, David and I lived there for a few years."
"Oh?" Natasha smiles. "Did you like it?"
You shrug. "It's a little too country for me and not the good parts of Country culture."
Natasha nods, and you take a moment to put your head on her shoulder, deeply inhaling the scent of vanilla and dry leaves. Natasha leans her head over, pressing her lips to the side of your head, causing your heart to flutter.
"I think I want to be in Bora Bora or maybe the Maldives," Natasha says softly after a moment.
You turn your head upwards slightly, peering up at Natasha's face.
"I'll take you anywhere you want to go," you say as Natasha smiles, head lowering as she presses her lips against yours.
⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷
It seems like autumn is also coming to an end in Nashville, the air smelling a little crisper for winter arrival.
Pietro has called Wanda again once her plane landed. He was a little upset that he couldn't come along, but Steve said he could use the help with locating Bucky, and speed would definitely be helpful.
At first, Pietro declined, but then Wanda insisted that he go with Steve. If they were going to make up for the things they've done and be a part of the team, this was the time to show it.
And so, they parted ways for the first time since, well, ever.
"How are we getting there?" Wanda asked as she looked around the airport. Her face held a thinly veiled layer of discomfort that she was trying to hide, though poorly.
"Are you okay?" Natasha asked as she looked at Wanda, seeing through the tough act.
Wanda stared at Natasha, and for a moment, you don't think she's going to answer.
"Yeah," Wanda says finally, licking her lips and swallowing. "I'm just a little tired...and there's a lot of people here. It's...loud."
Natasha looks around and notes that it seems to be prime time for flights. People are bustling around trying to get to their gate on time, and families have gathered to meet people coming off the plane or say goodbye.
"I can't do anything about the loudness," Natasha says, digging into her pocket. "But, here." Pulling out a hard candy wrapped in transparent paper, she gives it to Wanda.
Wanda holds the candy in her palm, tilting her head slightly before she looks back at Natasha. "Thanks."
"Might help with the tiredness," Natasha shrugs before she tells you she'll go grab the bags and walks off with David following her.
Wanda is opening the candy from the wrapper, popping the little thing in her mouth as she sighs, eyes fluttering close as she rubs her temple.
"Headache?" You ask her, garnering her attention.
Wanda nods with a frown. "Yes, more so lately, and it's worse in a crowd. I can hear everything in people's heads, and in a crowd, it's a jumble."
"Turn it off," you tell her with a shrug, and she gives you a look.
"It's not that easy."
"It is," you tell her back. "You're like a radio picking up every station is the available area. It gets easier with time and practice to distinguish the noise, but if you can't handle it in such a large crowd, turn it off."
Wanda merely stares at you as if she doesn't know whether or not to believe you, but she supposes because it's not like you're a stranger to her powers, she sighs.
"How?" She asks.
You come to stand closer to her, blocking her view of anything behind you.
"Focus," you tell her, "You only need to be hearing one voice, and that's your own. Focus on the space within your own mind. Live there."
Wanda gives you a look where it tells you she doesn't quite think it will work but closes her eyes with a sigh and takes a deep breath.
"I...I can't focus," Wanda says frustratingly.
"Relax," you tell her. "Try again, but this time, focus on my voice."
You go on to talk about miscellaneous things like the color of the walls, the scuff marks on the ground, the man with an obstinately ugly hat. And before you know it, the stress lines on Wanda's face begin to fade.
"Better?" You ask when she opens her eyes.
"Yeah," Wanda says breathlessly with relief, "Thank you."
You don't say anything else as Natasha comes back with David.
"So, how are we getting there?" Wanda repeats.
"We rented a car. I'll go grab it and pull it up front," you walk off before anyone say anything.
The ride is silent, with just a radio playing quietly in the background. It's you and David in the front as David helps you navigate and discuss details with you.
But that leaves Natasha and Wanda in the back. The two girls are on opposite ends, looking out the window.
You sigh internally as you focus on the road in front of you.
"What's his name again?"
David pulls up a file. "Robert," he says after a moment. "Devayan. He is Leonard's great-great-grandson. He's the priest for a church in his neighborhood. Well-known and respected in his community. He's got a wife, two kids, and a dog—very American dream with a picket fence and all."
You hum.
"Does Leonard's descendants know about...?" Natasha asks as you look in the rearview mirror.
"Us being vampires?" You supply for her helpfully with a smile as she nods. "Yes, they do, but the secret is only passed to the child who has the greatest alchemy affinity, which most kids won't show until they're at least 13."
"That being said," David jumps in, "we haven't really kept in touch because we only go to a descendant when we have another vampire entering a coven because they have to get the searings to be able to go into the sun, amongst other things. And as you can see, we haven't added anyone new since me."
You turn into a bright community. The sound of children's laughter and dogs barking make their way to your ear. It's a lively little suburban neighborhood, and you wonder if this was something you would have ever wanted.
"Leonard seemed to be really close to you, to be willing to do so much," Wanda comments as she continues to stare at the window at the children playing.
You pull up to the house, putting the car in park with a sigh.
"He was family."
⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷
"Sorry, the wife and kid's are out shopping right now."
You look at the man before you. He was a young priest, and there were hints of Leo that you recognized in him, like the subtle ginger hair.
"Didn't want to tag along?" David asks, and Robert laughs.
"Goodness, no. Can't say that's how I like to pass my time." Robert sets down a tea tray for the four of you, and Wanda takes up the task of pouring it. Putting in a splash of milk and two and a half sugar cubes, she gives a cup to you.
"Thanks," you say, scrunching your eyebrows initially. But it was your favorite way of taking simple tea, and you took it with ease.
"не против," Wanda mutters as she continues on with pouring tea for Natasha and David, but leaves them to put in their own condiments.
"So, what's this about?" Robert asks as he settles into his seat.
You shift in your seat a little, licking your lip before you clear your throat and bring his attention to you. "Yesterday is gone, tomorrow is a mystery, and today, I have you..."
Robert just stares at you wide-eyed and mouth gaped open. He seems to regain himself and clears his own throat.
"Until the days run out..." he breathes.
"ти си моето семејство, во овој и во следниот живот," you both complete the passage. His Slavic being much rougher than yours, but still, he completes it.
"Huh," Robert grunts in the back of his throat. He slumps in the back of his chair, blinking as he clasps his hands together. "You really exist."
"Did you think I didn't?" You cocked your brow at him.
Robert gives a short, humorless laugh. "To be fair, no one in my family has seen you for a very, very long time. It's not like we have a family photo of you just lying around. I thought my grandfather was lying to me, and my father was not a believer either."
"Well," you shrug, "It gets hard to keep up with visitations when there's no reason to really."
"Even though the passage literally says we're family?" Robert cocks his brow.
"Leo was my family. By that extension, yes, you are somewhat family, a wonderful legacy Leo left behind that I promised him I'd take care of," you try to delicately tell the man before you that no one could ever be family the way Leo was.
"Kind of hard to take care of us when you're not around," Robert says, but not in an unkind way.
"Being around is not the only way I can fulfill my promise. You truly think your family's trust fund just comes out of nowhere?" You rest your jaw against your hand.
Robert seems surprised at that like he had no idea his entire family line was sponsored by you.
"So it seems," Robert smiled softly before clearing his throat. "So what can I do for you?"
You lick your lips.
"I'm looking for you to find a way to break my curse, or at least, find a counterspell to suppress it until I can find another way," you tell him.
Robert stares at you. It takes a long moment, but he gives another small smile, sighing deeply as he grasps his temples. "Hah..." he lets out. "Figures the one time you come to see us for help, and I can't even help you. I was hoping you just needed a place to stay."
"What do you mean?" David asks, frowning. "You haven't even tried."
Robert looks up again, staring at David before he turns to you.
"I don't have the affinity for alchemy."
Silence ensues after Robert reveals his lack of gift.
"You...don't have the affinity..." David says slowly.
"Guess it decided to skip a generation. My father wasn't much of a practitioner either," Robert pursed his lips together. He gets up, walking over to the kitchen, grabbing something off the refrigerator before coming back and passing the item to you. "This would be the person to go to if you're looking for help on that."
You look at the postcard in your hand with an address from Vermont.
There wasn't anything else but a name and a short message.
Liam Bai I have settled in.
"And who is this?" You frown. The idea of having some outsider know your secrets was not ideal.
Robert sighs.
"He's my adoptive brother."
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The annoyance of traveling all the way to Texas just to go to Vermont, an hour away from New York, irks you slightly.
David pulls up a file on Liam on the way, but not too much is found.
Chinese descendant. 26. Tattoo Artist. Adopted by Robert's grandfather when Liam was 17.
He seems to run a small tattoo shop in Vermont, a decent following on his Instagram. Other than that, it seemed Liam prized his privacy and peace. No tickets, no personal social media accounts, a minimal online presence.
"Jeeze, this guy gives me serial killer vibes. Only weirdoes have such a small digital footprint," David curls his lips.
"We all have virtually none too, David," you cock your brow at him.
"Case and point," David smirks back at you while Natasha and Wanda chuckle.
Liam's house is a little away from the city where his tattoo shop resides. There are houses but quite spread apart, and it only reaffirms how Liam likes his quiet.
The trees are bare with autumn colored leaves on the ground. The air crisp and cleaner being away from the city. When the four of you approach Liam's home, it a quaint house, wider than it is taller, and painted a deep burned orange.
Hopping up the steps, you cross your arms and tap your foot impatiently, turning to look at the open space while Natasha rang the doorbell and knocked on the door with her knuckles.
You hear footsteps within the house, stern steps as they lazily make their way to the door.
When it opens, you turn, and your eyes widen along with everybody else's.
This man, at least six feet tall, towers over everyone as he casually lifts his arms high to lean against each side of the door with his left leg crossed lazily over his right.
He wears a muscle shirt, most of the top part of his body exposed.
Tattoos.
Everywhere.
A large black ornate religious cross tattooed on his throat, while you could see most of the creations of hands branded across his front chest near his collarbones, fingers just about it meet at his jugular notch. Each arm had a full sleeve tattoo.
His left arm was designed with a twisted snake going downwards, a bitten apple in its mouth, shrouded with leaves and vines. His right arm were things you didn't quite recognize but could guess it was alchemy spells, fully tattooed elaborate circles and symbols. Even his hands and fingers had symbols and shapes.
He looks like belongs in a gang rather than the adopted grandson of a long line of priests.
"Well," his voice is somewhat low but soft. "You must be the visitors my dear brother sent my way." The way he says dear brother has the slightest tone of amusement, and you're not sure what to make of it.
You stare at him a bit longer because his face is much clearer than the photo David pulled up. His skin is fair with a cool complexion, thick brows, and tousled black hair that seems to be perfectly styled that way with his fringe cascading just above his eyebrows, parting to reveal his forehead. His almond-shaped eyes showed a deep dark brown, like the rich soils of the earth, but yet hold no warmth.
He looks somewhat familiar, but you're not sure if it's just because you recognize those eyes in yourself once upon a time.
You look over to David, who has his jaw hanging as he stares at the man before them. You nudge him, drawing him out of whatever trance he was in as he coughs to clear his throat.
"Er, yes," David stutters before he rambles off everyone's name quickly. "Can I--can we come in?" David blinks, and Liam turns his head slowly, locking eyes with David. A moment passes, and you're about to speak up again when Liam stands straighter and turns to walk back into his house.
The four of you follow the man inside, looking at the place around you. Antique furniture, just like yourself, but there are shelves upon shelves of books.
Liam walks into his kitchen, putting on a pot of hot coffee as he pours himself some, but doesn't offer any to anyone else. He then walks into his study room and leans against his desk, half-sitting on the edge.
"What are you looking for help with?" He asks, neither sounding reluctant or eager.
"Robert mentioned you were adopted into the family because you had an affinity for alchemy," you say. "I'm assuming you know--"
"That you're a vampire?" Liam cuts in. "Yes."
"You don't seem surprised by that," David interjects slowly. "Even Robert was taken aback."
Liam rolled his eyes lightly. "You can spare me the details. Robert and I both went through the spiel with his grandfather. Robert doesn't have the affinity. I do. Belief is different when you are different too."
"His grandfather...?" You raise your brow.
Liam puts his coffee down beside him. "You must realize that though I've been adopted by them, I'm not an actual descendant of Leonard Devayan. It was clear that I was brought in to help fulfill the promise between you and Leonard. I get financial support from them, but I'm not entitled to your trust fund to them, nor can I inherit the church."
"That's kind of fucked up, considering you'll be doing all the work here," you frown.
Liam shrugs. "No need to feel sorry for me, I have zero interests in their money or inheriting the church, and Robert is annoyingly persistent that I visit them during the holidays. Besides, you can probably tell, I don't quite look like the regular priest."
"Actually," you give Liam a small smile, "Leo was rather similar to you. He liked tattoos as well. Though, just on his hands. He wasn't as adventurous."
Liam gave a small smirk but moved on. "So," he takes a breath, "What exactly are you looking for help with. Robert wasn't clear on the phone. Are you looking to turn more people and need searings for the sun?"
"No," you breathe, "I need you to help figure out how to end my curse."
Liam stares at you for a moment. The curse wasn't discussed in great length to him as not too much information was passed down because Leonard believed you wouldn't try to ask to remove it again.
Still, he eyes you before he turns and studies Natasha a bit before Liam looks at Wanda.
"You bit her, spreading your curse to her," Liam deduces.
"How do you know it's Wanda?" Natasha asks with a slight narrow of her eyes.
Liam licks his lip as he stands up, using his fingers to gesture everyone to follow up. He walks up to his bookshelf and pulls a book down like a lever, and the entire bookshelf splits and makes way into a secret room.
Inside the room, there are rows of tables filled with papers and things you would find in a science lab: beakers, stirring rods, mortars and pestles, and chemicals.
"In some ways, alchemy is a derivative from a witch's spells or magic. What do you think alchemy is?" Liam asks.
"Leonard always said it was a power given to them by God to be able to protect themselves against the supernatural," you recall.
"Kind of, not really," Liam says as he walks over to grab a black chalk and begins to draw circles and symbols on the ground around Wanda, motioning her to stay in place. "There are different types and levels of alchemy. Alchemy, one on hand, can also be a science. It's changing one thing to something else. Anyone could practice it. Even Robert could to a degree."
Liam finishes drawing and drops the chalk to the side as he dusts off his hands.
"But to have the gift for alchemy," Liam lifts his thumb to his lips, "Means your DNA has an affinity to the sun, the moon, the wind, or the earth."
Liam bites down on his thumb hard enough to break the skin, blood rushing out, the smell assaulting both you and David instantly before Liam presses his thumb against the line of the circle.
The air changes.
A white, hot electric buzz fills the air as the alchemy circle flashes a bright blue for a second before returning to normal. The chalk drawing underneath Wanda disappears.
"What...happened?" Wanda asks slowly as she looks at her hands and the rest of her body, but she doesn't find anything amiss.
Liam gestures at Wanda to check where her sternum is. Pulling the front of her shirt at the neck, she peers down.
"What..." Wanda mumbles.
Both you and Natasha looked at each other before moving forward to check, Wanda holding her shirt open for the two of you. Wanda's bra was blocking part of the view, but her sternum now visibly bore the curse's inscription. The black words on her skin and then dark-colored veins prominently spreading outwards from her sternum.
"What did you do to her?!" You whip your head towards Liam, snarling at him.
He holds his hand up to calm you down.
"Nothing dangerous, relax," he cocks his brow at you. "As I said, Alchemy is about changing one thing to something else. I used the chalk as a medium to bring the curse to the front of Wanda's body so it can be visibly seen."
When you realize Wanda's not in any imminent danger, you pull your snarl back, and the red from your eyes fade away.
"This will help you tell when the curse is spreading. Wanda's veins will darken and spread as her cells deteriorate. Don't EVER let the dark veins spread past her chest. If you do, the curse is meant to collapse her sternum and pierce her heart. She will die." Liam warns sternly, eyebrows furrowed together, and lips in a straight line.
"How do you know?" David asks with a slight frown.
"As I said," Liam looked at David, "Alchemy is a derivative from witch's spell or magic. The inscriptions are alchemy transmutation spells. If an alchemist has an affinity for alchemy, they can tell when it's been used on someone." Liam turns to you. "That's how I know it was Wanda that you bit."
You nod curtly. You think about how the veins were just barely protruding from her sternum, so Wanda would be relatively safe for a while since you just fed on her during the plane ride to Texas.
"What did you mean that your DNA has an affinity to the sun, moon, wind, or the earth?" Natasha asks.
You turn your attention back to Wanda, trying to inspect if she was indeed okay. It wasn't that you didn't trust Liam, but you couldn't help but worry.
All of this was your fault.
The fact that Wanda was cursed with potentially no way of getting out of this.
And the complicated mess you know would only hurt everyone in the end, so you needed to get this shit sorted out.
"It means," Liam interrupted your thoughts. "I have an extra DNA strand."
You blink.
"Honestly, I don't blame people in the past, believing alchemy was a gift or power given by God," Liam shrugs. "In a way, I guess they're not wrong. Alchemy's affinity comes from people who have an extra DNA strand from one of the natural elements. The sun, the moon, the wind, the earth." He uses his fingers to count as he speaks. "Having an extra DNA strand is a...mutation. The deformity being able to perform alchemy as a power. As you can guess, depending on what extra DNA strand you have, that's the alchemy you have an affinity to."
Natasha nods thoughtfully as she holds her chin. "I see. So the sun would be fire, the moon would be water, the wind would be air, and the earth is well...earth."
"Exactly," Liam nods.
"Leonard must've been fire," you say pensively to yourself, reminiscing.
"What are you?" David asks Liam, licking his lips.
Liam tilts his head to the side.
"I have four extra DNA strands."
⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷
Something has been putting you on edge since you've arrived in Vermont.
"Are you okay?" Natasha asks softly, catching you look out the window for maybe the millionth time now.
"Yeah, sorry," you breathe, uncrossing your arms. "It's just...something feels off," you tell her quietly, as to not attract the attention from others.
Liam and Wanda were currently looking over his books and scrolls to see if he could find anything that would help Wanda while David helped them.
"What do you mean?" Natasha asks as she takes a seat on the couch's armrest, pulling you closer, so you were between her legs. She rubs your arms up and down, hoping to comfort you.
"It's just..." you start to say before you turn sharply at the window again. Natasha's brows furrow, but she has no time to ask as you barrel into her while David tackles both Liam and Wanda to the ground.
The glass of the window shatters as a body breaks through. It happens so fast, you hardly even have time to move, but you do.
You smell burning flesh because there's still sun out, though it's setting. A snarl rips through the air as the intruder turns and leaps toward Wanda. David gets up, forcing his feet to push off the ground as he launches towards the vampire. The two of them collide into a blurring mess.
Natasha starts to get up, but you hold her in place.
"What--"
"Don't," you warn her. "If that thing collides into you, your body will tear apart, enhanced, or not."
You get up, running over to David as he's pinned to the ground as you rip off the vampire.
Even with his fleshed burned, he was strong.
Liam scrambles to get up as he grabs another chalk nearby and starts drawing another transmutation circle on the ground as fast as he can.
You're trying with David to get the upper hand on this vampire, one locking him into place while the other tries to rip his head off.
"Wanda," Liam calls, and she turns to him with worry in her eyes as she stands in the corner, unsure of what to do. "I'm creating a prison for him. You need to use your powers to place him in here and keep him down."
"Okay," Wanda says determinedly.
You look at David, who nods in sync with you. You both let go of the vampire at once, and Wanda lifts her hands, casting her powers over the vampire to lock it in place.
He tries to thrash in place, but it's impossible to move with Wanda's vice-like grip on him. She wobbly moves him until he's in the middle of Liam's transmutation circle.
Liam bites in the same place of his thumb earlier, breaking the wound once more, letting a single drop of blood fall in.
The ground starts to shake slightly as the floor where the vampire lies crumbles, giving way. The outline of the circle lights up, and suddenly, vine-like branches with spikes shoot out of the ground. It wraps around the intruding vampire, the spikes piercing his body. He screams out in pain, trying to move, but is unable to due to Liam.
The light fades, leaving the vampire bleeding out as he's trapped in his spot.
"What...was that?" Wanda asked, everyone clearly knowing that he was after her.
You help Natasha off from the ground, checking her for injuries. You find nothing other than a tiny cut on her cheek from a stray glass shard.
"I'm okay," Natasha assures you, more frustrated with herself for being unable to do anything.
You frown, wiping off some of the blood with your glove before you turn to the offender on the ground.
"That was so cool," David breathes as he looks at Liam, who is giving him a tiny smile.
With the vampire immobile, you could finally take a good look.
He was somewhat sickly pale. His eyes were red, a dark red, meaning he wasn't hungry when he lunged for Wanda.
But the thing that stood out the most to you what the prominent veins underneath his eyes.
And you've seen that before.
"No," you frown in denial.
"Where did you come from?" You demand, but the vampire just smirks.
You want to leap in to strangle the thing, but Liam holds your arm to hold you back.
"Anything that steps into that circle will be roped in just like him," Liam warns.
The vampire continues to bleed out as it laughs.
"Wait--" David says, "he's actually dying. Look!"
Everyone looks to where David is pointing at, and you clench your jaw. As a vampire, the only thing that could kill you was wood from the Methuselah tree. Yet, this vampire was disintegrating, turning to dust at his toes.
The vampire looks at you, and you feel a chill down your spine.
"How cute," he tells you, voice raspy as he's disappearing. "Looks like you have everything you've wanted."
You furrow your brows at him.
"Do I know you?" You say, but the vampire doesn't even seem conscious of the fact that he's speaking.
"My love," he says, looking at you, and while you revolt, there's something familiar in the way he says it.
Like you've heard it before.
"It seems you've learned how to want more," he smiles cruelly. "But if it's not more for the right things...then I'll show you what it's like to lose everything you have."
Your heart drops.
"Wait!" You shout, trying to somehow get him to stay, but before you could say anything else, the vampire completely crumbles to dust, leaving nothing behind.
All of you stare at the empty space. The shackles that were holding the vampire in place disappears along with the transmutation circle.
"No," you start to say quietly. "No, no, no, no--"
"Hey!" David grabs you, trying to keep you calm.
"This can't be," you say slowly.
"What? What's wrong?" David shakes you by the shoulder a little.
You look at him.
"That was her."
Silence.
"What?" David says, not understanding.
You look at the ground where the vampire used to be.
"I don't know how...but that was her," you say.
"That was Tatyana."
PART XIII
#natasha romanoff x reader#wanda maximoff x reader#wandanat x reader#natasha romanoff imagine#wanda maximoff imagine#avengers reader insert#avengers x reader#avengers imagine#marvel reader insert#natasha x wanda x you#natasha romanoff x you#wanda maximoff x you#black widow x reader#mm: my fics#series: between the lines
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Iron Fist Rewatch 1x02: Shadow Hawk Takes Flight
These doctors seem very nonchalant about how close this dude just got to murdering Danny with a fork. No reassurance or apology - just pour drugs down his throat so they can hose him down. What a picture of The System.
Negative stereotype that has roots in truth - there ARE places like this and worse, but it's true that we very rarely see the good kind of facility represented in TV too. Sucks for them to always be portrayed as the bad guy, and probably harmful too if people really could benefit from them but are wary.
"Let's say [he IS Danny]. That would mean he somehow, miraculously, [1] survived a plane crash, [2] in the Himalayas, and that [3] for some unknown reason he waited fifteen years to come back, with [4] no shoes and a tendency toward violence." - Ward, reciting all the reasons he's been repeating to himself ever since the parking lot not to start thinking this might be Danny, frog and freezer stories or no.
"We're doing the right thing. We could have just had him arrested." Why DIDN'T you have him arrested, Ward? Oh right, HAROLD. ugh.
AU where Danny gets arrested instead. Unfortunately I THINK none of the other Defenders timelines work out so this would be a good time for them to meet him early, though... 🤔
Again with this bird. I completely forgot about this symbol theme.
Danny: "I was meditating." Doctor: "Oh!" Danny: "Yeah, I was trying to focus my chi so I could get out of here." Doctor: "Oh..."
Doctor's like: Oh, wow, this is an interesting level of specificity for a made up story...
I forgot how much I like this doctor. He's legit trying to help. I forget what happened to him...
Colleen is putting so much effort into insulting her students LOL. Also: Darryl's shoes are too big. Bc Colleen runs a struggling dojo in an underprivileged part of city as a safe haven for these kids and to help "teach them how to perform in the real world"
Parts of this conversation that will weigh on Colleen: "You saw me being attacked; you KNOW there's something weird going on." "One of the richest families in New York have a problem with you." "No, I don't have anyone else I can ask for help: you're the only one."
Ward: Ok, good, I'm hearing reasons why this guy can't be telling the truth and therefore cannot be Danny. That's good. I still feel kind of off though... but that's probably just the thing where Harold put cameras in the hospital. Yeah.
Poor Kyle.
Ward: "We can lobotomize him!" Me: "asdfghjkl WARD."
This shot of Harold's "smile" when he tells Ward "You ARE one of my guys! One of my most trusted guys!" is SO CREEPY
You can see Colleen FREEZE when Ward introduces himself. Harold and Ward shooting themselves in the foot with this: they're lending credence to Danny's story from the phone convo.
Ward, one of the richest people in the city: "Lie to the authorities about that homeless dude being violent for my own personal benefit. Here's a blatant bribe."
Harold yelling at the spy footage like he's throwing popcorn at a movie.
POOR KYLE.
This is deeply uncomfortable for me on a personal level.
Joy: Hmmmmm. What possible reason... could "Danny's" doctor have... for asking that very specific question.... unless.........?
Ok but "tiny Danny wanted to be an acrobat and was always jumping around on things" makes it SO MUCH EASIER for canon-divergent AUs where Danny isn't in the plane crash to still include ninja warrior Danny I-
Harold, a known dead man, looming ominously in the shadows of Danny's mental hospital room: "Here's a message about how you have to come find me and help me. It's not very subtle so you'll probably get it." Danny: "Oh shit, maybe I am crazy...?"
Danny: "I was a warrior. Only in the middle of a fight did I fully come alive. The harder someone hit me, the more everything came into focus." Harold: "Hm. Note taken." Me: *crying emoji*
Show: "oooh, ominous, Harold's under the Hand's thumb. Maybe there's more to him, maybe he's sympathetic...?" Fans: "lol, nice try. We all clocked that creep-o the moment we saw him."
I've talked about Colleen's first impressions of the Meachums in general and Ward in specific before but. Dude. Dude.
Danny, thinking that his very last tentative hope (Colleen) has fallen through, receives a communication from Joy. ;____;
Had. Had Joy already opened the bag of m&ms. It was sealed when she pulled it out of her desk drawer so wh- OH. The hospital opened Danny's mail, including the candy bag, to inspect it before giving it to him. Hahaha *sob*
If Colleen hadn't come to see Danny here, their paths might have diverged. As far as he's concerned, Colleen has made it clear that she's not going to help him and that they're just two strangers in a big city. Turning the corner and seeing her come to visit him boosts that flame of hope that Joy's package rekindled even further. He thought he had no one, and now the amount of people he has is growing.
Ok but, in an AU where Colleen doesn't go see Danny / Danny doesn't know Colleen came to see him, that isn't necessarily the end of their relationship. On Colleen's side, she's still suspicious of this entire Meachum mess - it RADIATES corruption and Colleen is very much entrenched in the downworld of NYC, where the rich powerful elite hurt the most. Plus, Danny doesn't give up on people easily and honestly, he kind of sucks at taking a hint - if he went off to some Rand business with the in with Joy, he would still end up in all the Harold mess, and probably at some point be on the run (maybe with another person - oooh, would love to see that AU - Joy or Ward or both in tow with Danny on the streets, fleeing trouble, Danny saying "I know a place") and showing up at Colleen's door, like "I know you don't want any part of this, and I don't mean to bring trouble to your door, but there's nowhere else to go," and Colleen being like "get in, quick," with her windows already half shuttered and supplies on the table because she was already investigating herself - (it could turn into a whole thing, with Colleen having connections that she thinks she can trust to help them against the big bad Harold/Meachum conspiracy, but then it's the Hand, and-!)
Danny: "The Meachum family might think I'm a threat to them." Colleen: "And why would they think that?" Danny: "Because I'm Danny Rand and I own more than half the company." Me: "And also because you stalked Joy, broke into her house and their offices, terrified and almost killed Ward???"
But anyway this is only gonna fuel Colleen's narrative that this is all greedy corporate machinations and bloody rich people politics. (Literally bloody. Literally murder people in a "problem solving" way kind of bloody.)
GODDDD Colleen is so hot in this scene when she walks into Joy's office with her pushed up sleeves on her chinese bomber jacket and her shirt tucked into her rolled up pants and - her hands in her pockets and that black bracelet and the belt - !
This argument between Joy and Ward is so emotionally charged - Ward's now in a desperate position because Joy has no way of knowing that she has just become an obstacle to something that he can't allow to happen - because Harold can not allow it to happen, and he's pulling Ward's strings, and then - ! "What are you so afraid of, Ward?" It's Harold, he's afraid of Harold. "You should be more like Dad." Ugh. ugh! Shot through the heart! "Grow some balls." I'm crying. They've both learned such terrible things from their father.
GDI DANNY the doctor BELIEVED you and then you had to go start talking about alternate planes of existence and the Iron Fist UGH he thinks you're just trying to cope with the trauma I - UGH.
This doctor is honestly trying to help but he's confirming all of Danny's fears from what Simon told him about how this place operates.
Ward regularly has to come up with ways to convince an entire board to do weird things that Harold asks - like purchase some random warehouses in Brooklyn - without even knowing why
Ward: "'Danny' is a threat to us, to our family, to our business, and the smartest solution - the one YOU taught me - is to get rid of the problem as expediently as possible!" Harold: "No, protect him." Ward: "WHY?! I am asking you why. Explain it to me! Because from where I'm standing, protecting him is dangerous, and getting rid of him is safe!" Harold: "Because I said so, that's why. Now heel." Honestly, of COURSE Ward takes this into his own hands.
Ah, yes, our first glimpse at Ward's drug addiction.
What is their plan????? Just beat him to death!? Can't make it quick - why?? Are they trying to make it look like a simple altercation between inmates???
"Ward Meachum sends his regards." God, that's so heartbreaking. The idea that not only does Ward believe Danny is an imposter and a threat, enough to try to kill him and then to send him to a mental institution - but that once he's there, out of harm's way, if he IS a mentally unstable imposter - OR once proof is starting to trickle to the Meachums (in colorful chocolate form) that he actually IS their old friend Danny - that Big Brother Ward would go out of his way to strike a deal with some "low life mental hospital thugs" to beat Danny to death?? This moment, to Danny, must feel like a bigger betrayal to Danny by Ward than anything else so far.
Danny, on all fours, looks up at the full moon outside the window, at the hawk silhouette streaking across it, and smiles. Hawk as Danny's spirit guide AU cont., but ALSO: WEREWOLF AU WEREWOLF AU WEREWOLF AU
Danny. Danny. Please run. Busting a huge hole in the wall made a very loud noise, please stop just standing there and giving people time to catch up.
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Notes: approximately 3k words of Alec turning 30, and Magnus giving him an absolutely bonkers gift because hey, the love of his life conquering an entire decade deserves nothing less.
When Alec turned twenty-six, Magnus had taken him to Amsterdam for a weekend of debauchery that took Alec all of the subsequent week to recover from. Every time Magnus had thought that maybe he should pull the plug on it, another round of tequila shots appeared out of nowhere and Alec would take immense pleasure in pressing a wet, decadent kiss to Magnus’ wrist before dashing it with salt. The way Magnus’ blood lit on fire each time had been animalistic. Being married to Alec hadn’t lessened how much Magnus wanted to do terrible things to him, but being pressed together by a crush of tourists and locals under the pulsing lights – it was something else. Alec had been something else when they’d finally stumbled back to their hotel room. Magnus almost can’t believe those two days even happened, the whole thing seemingly from a particularly lush, depraved fantasy someone pulled from Magnus’ mind and made into reality.
But that was when Alec was twenty-six. When they were newly settling into Alicante, settling into their new jobs, and consciously settling into this shared life with each other.
At thirty, things are very, very different.
Taking care of two young children is the kind of responsibility that doesn’t allow for impromptu getaways. The two of them still have numerous much-needed date nights, but Alec’s birthday isn’t one of them: all birthdays are family events. The look on Alec’s face when he has waffles brought to bed by a solemn Rafael and a cheerful Max toddling beside him is a gift to Magnus in ways he can’t quite articulate. Seeing Alec draw them close, press kisses tenderly to their temples. Catching Magnus’ gaze over the top of the boys’ heads, mouthing, thank you, for something that Magnus never needs gratitude from Alec for, not when it’s his due.
Presents were next, followed by a portal to New York for lunch with the Lightwoods (though they’d call it breakfast), and then back in Alicante with ample time before dinner so the boys could take naps. In that stillness that can only happen with both the kids passed out, Alec pulls Magnus close under the warm afternoon sun and kisses him with slow, deliberate intent.
It’s not just the two of them again until past ten in the evening.
Raf wants a very specific story tonight in his mother tongue, and Magnus curls up beside him and reads until Raf’s sound asleep. By the time Magnus gently extricates himself from Raf’s bony limbs and makes his way to their bedroom, Alec has already showered and changed into his sleep clothes. He’s settled comfortably on the bed – scrolling through his phone with his back against the headboard, bare feet crossed at the ankles – and looks up when he hears Magnus open the door.
The sight of him in their bed, bathed in warm golden light, is such a comfort that Magnus feels the rigid hold he’s held around his exhaustion abruptly vanish. It’s how it’s supposed to be in a sanctuary, when to the depths of his bones Magnus knows it’s safe to be this way.
“Hey,” Alec greets, putting aside his phone. The way Alec’s body relaxes, moves just so as though to create a welcoming space for Magnus – well. Magnus doesn’t hesitate to take what’s being offered, crawling over their duvet and collapsing against his side.
“You got the easy one today,” Magnus complains into Alec’s shoulder.
“Magnus, Max is never the easy one.”
“That’s what I was banking on, but clearly tonight’s the exception that proves the rule.”
Alec takes Magnus’ hands between his own and starts to slowly twist the rings off.
“Raf was grumpy tonight?” he asks, and Magnus looks away from the strangely mesmerizing sight of Alec’s fingers at work to focus on his question.
“Not exactly..."
It would be easy to play it off as that and grumble out some more playful complaints, but there’s something terribly sweet about Raf that makes it impossible for Magnus to tease him the way he can tease Max without blinking an eye. That Magnus sees Raf, at five, as a little person is part of it, a person who has had a hard life in the blink of time he’s been on this Earth. That he’s also quiet and gentle and wide-eyed with this fragile trust he has with them is another.
Magnus sighs as Alec takes off the last of the rings, depositing them on the bedside table. He then moves on to unclasp Magnus’ watch.
“No,” he says at last. “No, he wasn’t grumpy. He’s just – he just had a hard time falling asleep and didn’t want to be alone.”
“D’you think one of us should stay with him? Camp out on the floor for the night?”
“No, no, I don’t think that’s necessary. I think he was a little overwhelmed after all the rushing around today. New York and keeping up with the constant barrage of attention from his aunts and uncles and grandma left him a bit wired, maybe. Reading together helped – he seemed fine by the time he fell asleep.”
“Well, of course,” says Alec, matter-of-fact. “How better to feel safe and settled than with his papa, the most powerful man in Alicante?”
“Oh, stop.”
This must be the millionth time Alec’s said something like this, but that doesn’t stop Magnus from being hit with a swell of fondness each time. A tiny reminder of the kind of man Magnus joined his life with: sweet, a little playful, never pulling short with his affection and Magnus doesn’t know if he’s the most powerful person in Alicante, but he’s definitely the most blessed.
Magnus shakes himself out of it. He really is becoming a sentimental old man if a throwaway joke from Alec is all he needs to get like this. But it’s Alec’s birthday, and Magnus has spent all day and every day that preceded unable to think of anything else but this: I love you he thinks, and says it by pressing a kiss to the corner of Alec’s mouth.
“I still haven’t given you your birthday present,” Magnus murmurs, fingers curling into Alec’s hair.
“You can give it to me right now,” says Alec, and it takes just one look at his grinning face for Magnus to understand what he’s talking about.
“I mean your other birthday present. One that isn’t just my body. Which you have access to everyday, might I remind you–”
“Shouldn’t you be happy that I’m so – what’s the term–”
“Goal-oriented?” suggests Magnus, and laughs when Alec gives him a flat look.
“I was going to say, low maintenance.”;
“Maybe sometimes I want to maintain you more,” says Magnus without really thinking about it, even though there’s nothing about that sentence that makes sense and yet Alec seems to understand exactly what Magnus had meant to say. That little bit of mischief in Alec’s eyes soften into something else entirely. It’s a look that still has Magnus want to look away sometimes, the weight of that tenderness almost too much to bear.
They say that you never get used to sunsets no matter how many thousands you see. It must be the same when it comes to Alexander: not his handsomeness, exactly, but how the secrets of his uncommonly loving heart are so clearly etched in the lines of his lovely, beloved face.
“You’re sweet,” says Alec. “And whatever this gift is, you know I’m gonna love it.”
“And just so there aren’t any misunderstandings,” clarifies Magnus, “I’m also planning on performing extremely depraved acts on your body tonight.”
“Oh, good.”
Glancing at his watch Magnus mutters, “If only your parabatai would just get himself over here–”
Thathas Alec immediately pulling back.
“Uh,” he says, giving Magnus a suspicious glance. “Why exactly would Jace be coming here at eleven at night?”
“Because your present is outside the apartment,” says Magnus. “And we can’t just leave the kids here unsupervised.”
“Is that the real reason why he portaled to Alicante with us?”
“Yes,” says Magnus, and just then the wards let him know that Jace entered the building. “Oh, perfect, he’s here. You don’t have to change, but put on some shoes and a sweater, will you?”
Magnus presses one more kiss to Alec’s mouth and swings off the bed, suddenly full of anticipatory energy. In the grand scheme of things it doesn’t matter when exactly he shows this to Alec, and yet it’s of the utmost importance for Magnus to have it be today.
Alec bewilderedly follows his instructions, looking back and forth between Magnus and, somewhat longingly, the rumpled, golden sheets of their bed. For a man who’s ready to spring into action at a moment’s notice, Alexander has never managed to shake off the indulgence of staying in bed whenever he has the opportunity to.
“I’m ready,” says Alec. His hair’s rumpled and he’s got his bomber jacket on, which means he looks devastatingly sexy even with his soft cotton pajama pants and terrible summer sandals. “What exactly should I be expecting?”
“Ah, it’ll be easier to show you.”
-
To Alec’s credit, he doesn’t seem apprehensive to have to step through a portal and into a forest in the middle of the night. Mostly he looks intrigued, his overall bemusement fading as his eyes become more alert, looking around curiously at the tightly packed trees. The moon is bright above them, and streams of light fall through the dense canopy of leaves.
“Where are we?” Alec asks. He starts to walk when Magnus takes his hand and gently tugs him forward, navigating through the thick branches.
“In Brocelind Forest, near the Swiss border. Maybe a mile or so from the Alps.”
“A mile,” repeats Alec. He keeps his voice soft as to not disturb the stillness around them. Magnus doesn’t have to see his face to know that he’s smiling. “When d’you think you’re going to start using kilometers like the rest of the country?”
“Am I really hearing this from a born and bred New Yorker?” Magnus whispers back.
“Excuse me, you know that I was born in–”
“Being a New Yorker isn’t about citizenship, Alexander. It’s about a certain mindset. An attitude, if you will. How you see the world and engage with it. And trust me when I say that you? Are a New Yorker.”
As he says this, Magnus pushes the last of the branches aside to step out of the dense forestry and Alec’s retort catches at the tip of his tongue as he sees what’s waiting on the other side.
There’s not a single gift Magnus has ever given Alec that hadn’t been received with gratitude and enthusiasm, no matter how extravagant or how subtle. And yet Magnus’ heart is fluttering like a hummingbird. This isn’t a typical gift. There’s a reason he wanted to show this to Alec privately, even though they can come back in the morning with the kids.
The grassy earth has given way to the rocky shores of a lake. The lake, under the shadow of the mountains, vast and dark and majestic. The still, endlessly deep water reflects the perfect full circle moon. The night sky is visible in all its glory now that they’ve cleared the forest, and each and every pinprick of a million, ten million stars is visible above, spilled carelessly and in abundance across the endless black.
Magnus has seen this exact view numerous times during the last year and still the sight never fails to weigh down on him, make his knees want to buckle. It’s immense, it’s beautiful.
It’s only right that it’s Alec’s.
“Wow,” is Alec’s short, succinct response. Magnus releases his breath, relieved. Alec looks dazed as he lets go of Magnus’ hand to step further toward the lake, turning in a slow circle to take it all in. “Magnus… this is incredible.”
“I’m glad you think so.”
Alec walks closer to the shoreline and carefully reaches down to pick up one of the smooth stones. He is still Alec, the most beloved person in Magnus’ universe, still in his gray pajama pants and a battered jacket – but kneeling at the edge of the water and glowing pale under the night’s light, Alec could be a spectre, the spirit guardian of the lake.
There are still traces of astonishment, of marvel, on Alec’s face when he starts back toward Magnus.
“Thank you for showing this to me.” Alec’s eyes are wide, bright with wonder and gratitude. The hazel of his irises only a thin ring around his blown pupil. Dilated as they try to soak in the faint traces of light. “I didn’t know there was a place like this in Brocelind Forest. It’s not in any of the maps.”
“Yes,” says Magnus. “It wouldn’t be.”
“How’d you find it?”
Magnus uncharacteristically finds himself playing with his wedding band as Alec often does, the only ring Alec hadn’t carefully eased off his fingers earlier.
“I didn’t,” he says. “I made it.”
Alec’s expression gently slides into one of puzzlement. “What d’you mean?”
“It’s not every day the love of my life clears a decade.”
Alec’s close enough now for Magnus to smooth away the wrinkle between Alec’s brows with his thumb. His other hand comes to rest above Alexander’s chest.
“You know that feeling you had when you stepped out here, like you couldn’t believe something so stunning could exist?” Alec doesn’t look away from Magnus as he slowly nods in response to Magnus’ question. “And there was a pressure on your chest, right here,” says Magnus, tapping his hand above Alec’s heart. “Because seeing the universe unfold above you is too big. Makes you feel too small, like you’ll be crushed under the weight of it. Makes you think, what am I when faced with the reality of this?”
“Yes,” Alec’s response is so quiet Magnus barely catches a wisp of it, despite them standing only inches apart. There’s something changing in the lines of Alec’s face – the slow dawn of understanding, right at the cusp of midnight. “Magnus–”
“That’s how I feel every time I look at you,” murmurs Magnus. “And that’s how every person who stands at the shore of Alexander Lake will feel when they look out over the water, or look up toward the sky.”
Alec looks disbelieving. He still doesn’t look away from Magnus.
“I cleared the grounds with my magic. I dug the basin into the earth, I carved the path which flows the water in from the Rhine.” Magnus takes Alec’s face in his hands. “I know every inch of this land, Alexander. I had to, to make it perfect for you.”
And Alec kisses him.
Alec kisses him with the kind of force and desire that almost knocks Magnus off his feet. A kiss that burns through him, serves as just one more of countless instances that Alec’s left him breathless with the profound, undeniable reality of his unparalleled heart and how he thrusts it into Magnus’ hands repeatedly, without hesitation. A kiss that makes it easy to understand why Magnus would go ahead and do something that would have them change all the textbooks, the maps, the composition of the country, that had the natural history museum send to Magnus a draft write-up for review: Alexander Lake is not part of the natural formation of Idris. It was created over the course of three years by Magnus Lightwood-Bane, the first and current High Warlock of Alicante, as a gift for his husband, Alexander Lightwood-Bane. The lake was finished in the year 2022 and meticulous efforts were taken by Lightwood-Bane, the City of Alicante, and the inhabitants of Brocelind Forest to ensure the preservation of the surrounding ecosystems...
Magnus pulls Alec toward the treeline, the ground turning into grass and soil instead of unyielding rock. Alec’s hands grip Magnus’ shoulders the whole time. Every sound out of Alec is swallowed up eagerly, greedily by Magnus’ mouth. Magnus hits the trunk of a tree but he barely notices how the rough bark digs into his back – all he can perceive is Alexander, the press of his lips, the lines of his body against Magnus’ own.
“I love you,” says Alec against Magnus’ mouth, his chin, his neck. Down Magnus’ chest. “By God, Magnus – I love you.”
There is something raw, untethered in the manner in which the two of them become one, their bodies burning hot even amidst the cool autumn night air. Gripping the cold grass in his hands, the prickle of fallen leaves against his feet, the hardened earth beneath them. These words Alec presses into every inch of Magnus’ skin – the truth of them is woven into the fabric of Magnus’ universe. It’s what makes Alec the sun, leaving behind every other star light years in the dust: his devotion to Magnus burns so bright that there’s no room for any doubts.
He is a permanent part of Magnus, seared into Magnus’ very soul. And now Alexander will be a permanent part of the world as well. It will outlast Alec’s fragile, radiant mortal life. It will outlast even Magnus, which is only fitting. For as long as the Rhine flows and the earth spins, love for Alexander will exist.
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End notes: This was originally going to be the kick-off for a larger split-POV story re: the immortality/mortality debacle.
The working title for this fic was: Crossroads.
The working summary was: Alec turns thirty, Magnus turns maudlin, and the two of them have a long awaited conversation about their future.
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1st Advent
Fanfiction:
Kiryuuin Shou x Kyan Yutaka (Golden Bomber)
Note: This is the first part of an Advent calendar fanfic. There will be a new chapter up every Sunday until Christmas. I hope you enjoy! (^-^)
Shou was staring at the entrance door angrily.
His date was running late. By 15 minutes now. Shou had ordered a coffee. Once he finished, he was going to leave.
He shouldn’t have agreed to this in the first place. But when his friend had told him he knew someone who knew someone who had a friend who would be just perfect for Shou, he had given in. Because Shou had a hard time meeting someone, he had been ready to cling to even the last straw. Moreover, the fact that he was supposed to meet with a man had made him curious. Shou was even worse at meeting men than he was at meeting women. Maybe, just maybe, it could be fun, he had thought.
By now he was just angry at himself for getting his hopes up. He was angry at himself for putting on nice clothes and being desperate enough to let himself be set up for a stupid blind date. He was angry at his date for running late. He was angry at his friend for suggesting a place like this café that was too fancy with the tinted windows, the black leather seats and the waiters in the black button-downs. He was angry that the entire plan was so tacky – his date was supposed to bring a rose so Shou would recognize him. A rose, for fuck’s sake. Shou didn’t even especially like flowers.
And most of all he was angry that even now he didn’t dare to put down the sunglasses he wore, although the lights in here were incredible dim and he was hardly able to see what was going on behind the counter, although he had chosen the corner seat right next to it – farthest away from the entrance. Because even now he thought that his date might still show up and Shou didn’t want to make a bad impression. He cared enough to not want to scare the guy off with his bare face immediately. Although it was a guy who made him wait beyond time and someone who was cheesy enough to bring a rose. Shou should have more dignity than that, but he didn’t. He really, really wanted to date someone. Christmas, especially, was a lonely time of year.
The entrance door swung open.
Shou shifted in his seat to get a good look at the person entering. It was a guy alright, but something about him was off. Even in the heavy winter coat, his posture looked familiar somehow. He strolled into the café like he was ready to pick a fight with anyone – the furniture, if necessary.
Instinctively, Shou sunk deeper into his seat, so he wouldn’t spot him. What the hell was Kyan Yutaka doing at a place like this? The café seemed too fancy for Shou, but it definitely seemed too fancy for Yutaka.
Without paying attention to anyone, Yutaka walked over to the counter, where the coffee was brewed and started talking to the waiter. He was using his hands a lot while he did. The waiter laughed. Shou could not understand what they were talking about, but he heard the laughter clearly. It pissed him off even more, if possible.
Of course, Yutaka got along with the waiter as soon as he entered the room. Of course, he made strangers laugh as easily as that. He would never sit around sulking like Shou did now. Yutaka would never wait for a date that wasn’t on time. Because for him, it wasn’t difficult to meet someone. He got along with people so well - they were practically waiting in line to date him. Sometimes, Shou hated him for that. He wished life would be as easy for him as it was for Yutaka.
He watched on as the waiter now handed over a pen to Yutaka and he leaned forward to scribble something down. Probably his phone number or something, so he could stay in touch with his new best friend. He hadn’t even taken his jacket off yet and had already been more social than Shou in the last 15 minutes sitting here.
He really wondered what Yutaka was doing here, though. He didn’t live around this area. But then, this café seemed like the kind of place that was frequented by people who had too much money and liked to feel extra while drinking a simple cup of coffee that costed them a fortune. Maybe, someone from the industry had recommended the café to Yutaka. He had a lot of friends in the scene, after all.
Now, Yutaka finally turned around. In front of himself he held up a white napkin.
It had the drawing of a rose on it.
It wasn’t a very good drawing, completely without colour, but Shou still figured out what it meant. It meant someone had fucked up things quite badly.
He sunk even deeper into his seat, lifting his hand to cover the lower half of his face that wasn’t hidden by the sunglasses already.
How had this misunderstanding been possible? Sure, this a friend’s-friend’s-friend-thing never worked out, but Yutaka and him were in the same band. Someone should have known.
If he was lucky, Yutaka would not notice him, assume his date had already left, because he had been late and leave as well. Shou would never mention this incident to anyone and it could be completely forgotten. It didn’t have to get awkward. No one had to know.
Yutaka looked around the room, spotted Shou and walked directly towards him.
For a moment, Shou considered just ducking under the table, but now that Yutaka had already seen him, it would only look suspicious. He raised his hand in an awkward greeting.
“Shou”, Yutaka said.
He was grinning lightly.
“Yutaka”, Shou said. “It’s surprising to see you. What are you doing here?”
“Nice try”, Yutaka said. “I’m here as your date, but I guess that is cancelled now.”
Still holding the napkin in his hand, he unzipped his jacket.
“Why are you carrying that?”, Shou asked and pointed towards the napkin.
Yutaka put it onto the smooth black surface of the table between them and grinned even wider.
“Ah, you see, I ran out of time to buy an actual rose, so I made a drawing instead.”
Shou furrowed his brow. That was so typical for Yutaka, he almost wanted to scream. If he had been a stranger and this had been an actual date, Shou would have hated him for not being on time and then pulling off this. Or he would have found it charming. Somehow, most people seemed to find Yutaka charming.
“No, I mean, why a rose in the first place?”, Shou continued playing dumb.
He figured that if he was just stubborn enough, he could convince Yutaka he was not here, because he had been desperate enough to agree to a blind date. A date, that moreover turned out to be such a disappointment right at the beginning.
“You know very well”, Yutaka said still cheerfully and put his jacket onto the seat next to himself, before sitting down opposite to Shou with his back towards the entrance door. “You are the only single, male musician at this place, so I figure you were supposed to be my date. That elderly lady over there by the window sure isn’t, and neither is the lovey-dovey couple. So, quit acting clueless.”
“I have no idea what you are talking about”, Shou insisted. “I just came here to drink a coffee. If you were supposed to date a guy here, maybe he already left, because you were running late.”
“Nah, I’m on time”, Yutaka said and looked at his wrist. He was not wearing a watch. “We were supposed to meet at 3:15 pm.”
“It was 3 pm”, Shou said and crossed the arms in front of his chest.
Yutaka threw back his head and laughed.
“See?”, he said. “Got you.”
“I really don’t know how they messed it up like that”, Shou huffed. “It should be obvious we know each other.”
Yutaka was still smiling. Shou found it a little unsettling, that he didn’t seem to be bothered by the situation at all. Shou himself didn’t feel exactly bothered that he wasn’t going to have a date now. He rather felt embarrassed, although he could not really explain why. Yutaka was in the same position as him. He had also been out on a blind date. With another man. He didn’t seem embarrassed about it at all, though.
“Stuff like that happens”, Yutaka said with a slight shrug. “Too many people involved. They probably wanted to keep our names out of it, and that’s the result.”
The waiter appeared next to them, placing the coffee Shou had ordered earlier in front of him.
“Thank you”, Shou mumbled.
Yutaka raised his eyebrows at him.
“You were late”, Shou defended himself.
“Anything for you?”, the waiter asked.
“What would you recommend?”, Yutaka asked with the brightest smile.
“The cappuccino is great”, the waiter said.
“A cappuccino then”, Yutaka confirmed. “And does it come with one of those small cookies? Because I love those.”
The waiter chuckled.
Shou glared at him.
“I’ll get it for you immediately”, the waiter promised and left.
Instead of glaring at him, Shou now glared at Yutaka.
“Do you have to flirt with the waiter?”, he asked.
“I didn’t flirt”, Yutaka said. “I was being friendly. You should try that sometime, too.”
“I said thank you, when he gave me the coffee!”, Shou defended himself.
Yutaka shook his head. He was smirking.
“You are polite. It’s not the same as being friendly”, he lectured.
“Oh, shut up”, Shou mumbled and ripped open the condensed milk to pour it into his coffee. He watched the colour change to a light caramel. The sugar he left untouched.
“Also, you should take off the sunglasses, you look like a fool”, Yutaka said. “It’s fucking dark in here. Can you even see me? What do you think you are? A Rockstar?”
“I am a Rockstar”, Shou said, but took off the sunglasses anyway.
There was no point in hiding his face. Yutaka knew what he looked like without makeup after all.
“Barely so”, Yutaka said.
Shou folded the sunglasses and put them aside.
“It’s still so dark in here. What’s up with the light in this place? Why would anyone recommend it even?”, he sighed.
“You took off the sunglasses already?”, Yutaka asked and reached across the table to shove his hand right into Shou’s face. His fingers felt cold from walking outside. “It’s too dark, I can’t see from here.”
Chuckling Shou pushed his hand aside. Yutaka was close to poking his eye.
“I guess when they suggested this place, they misunderstood the meaning of the expression Blind Date”, Shou joked.
Yutaka snorted half-heartedly at the bad joke.
“Or maybe they thought we were more likely to hook up, if I couldn’t see your face.”
“Ha ha”, Shou said dryly.
“Here you go”, the waiter interrupted them suddenly, placing a cup in front of Yutaka.
Shou noted that he had waited for his coffee way longer than Yutaka.
“Looks perfect”, Yutaka said.
Shou huffed after the waiter as he left.
“See, what friendliness can cause?”, Yutaka asked.
He had two cookies on his saucer.
“I just hate you so much sometimes”, Shou said and took a sip from his own coffee. It was strong and bitter in spite of the added milk.
There was a moment of silence in which Yutaka ate the first cookie.
Shou shuffled on his seat awkwardly. He felt highly uncomfortable. Not because this had originally been meant as a date. Not because he minded spending time with Yutaka – they were friends after all. The reason why Shou felt uncomfortable and embarrassed was that neither of them had known.
Yutaka took a sip of his cappuccino and placed the cup back onto the saucer. It caused a loud clinging noise.
“So, you are gay”, he finally said. “That explains why you are so bad at dating women.”
Shou swallowed. His throat felt too tight and too dry.
“Bi”, he said.
“Oh”, Yutaka said quietly and took another sip from his cup.
Some of the milk foam remained sticking to his upper lip and he licked. The whole process took him so long, the silence seemed to stretch out between them endlessly.
“So, you are bad at dating women and men”, he concluded.
“Oi!”, Shou said, but couldn’t deny he had a point.
He was bad both at dating women and men.
“What about you?”, he shot back, trying to move the focus away from himself. “You never mentioned liking guys.”
Yutaka stared at him blankly. The complete lack of any expression unsettled Shou extremely. He had no idea what Yutaka was thinking.
“I introduced you to several of my boyfriends, you are aware of that, right?”, he finally assured.
Shou swallowed again. His throat still felt dry.
He took another big gulp from his coffee. It didn’t help. It still tasted too bitter.
Of course, Yutaka had introduced him to a few men he had been close with for a while, who used to hang around their office a lot for some reason and after a few weeks disappeared without further explanation.
“I thought you were just close friends”, Shou said lamely.
Out loud, the words sounded even more stupid than they had in his head.
“Are you sure you are bisexual?”, Yutaka assured. “Because it sounds like you are actually too stupid to be.”
Shou crossed the arms in front of his chest. Lowered them. Crossed them again. He really didn’t know what to do with his arms.
Maybe a part of him had known. Maybe he had ignored it. Because if he acknowledged those guys as Yutaka’s boyfriends, he might – just might – have felt a tiny pang of jealousy. And if he felt that, he would need to wonder why that was. And then he would have to get in touch with his own feelings, and he didn’t have the time for that, nor the energy. He didn’t want things to get complicated. He wanted to get his work done.
“You could have been more direct about it”, Shou said sulkily.
“I thought you knew. You know I dated one of our staff members once, right? You told me to stop hanging out with him and I assumed you thought it would be unprofessional. I assumed you knew.”
Shou shrugged defensively.
He remembered that guy. He remembered Yutaka joking away their coffee breaks with him. He remembered feeling jealous.
“I didn’t like his face, that’s all”, he said shortly.
Yutaka shook his head once more.
Shou lowered his arms again and put his hands onto the table. His coffee was growing cold by now.
“You should pay more attention to the people around you”, Yutaka said. “You are ignorant. You only focus on work.”
“You didn’t notice anything either”, Shou went for an attack himself.
“Well, I had my assumptions”, Yutaka said. “But I thought I was wrong. You didn’t say anything, although there were plenty of opportunities to come out to me.”
Yutaka wasn’t raising his voice, but Shou still had the feeling they were fighting.
“Like when? When would have been a good time to tell you?”, Shou asked aggressively, although he was also keeping his voice down.
“Oh, I don’t know”, Yutaka said. “When I introduced you to my boyfriends for example. That would have been a good time to tell me.”
Shou snorted angrily.
“Do the others know? About you?”, he asked.
He didn’t have to explain his question any further.
Yutaka rolled his eyes. The only indication that he was seriously annoyed was the smile that had faded from his face. He didn’t frown, but he wasn’t looking exactly cheerful either. Shou thought that he had never seen Yutaka this angry before.
“Of course, they know”, he said. “Jun and Kenji are not idiots. They listen to me when I tell them something.”
“But they are not …?”
Shou made a vague gesture with his hand. He was suddenly very insecure about how much he really knew about his bandmembers. Maybe he should have been paying a little more attention. Over the years, he had been very busy to look into the other direction and keep away from any emotional involvement. He had not wanted to be distracted from work by anything.
“God no”, Yutaka sighed. “You really have no clue what’s going on around you.”
To keep his hands busy, Shou reached for the napkin still lying on the table. He twisted it in his hands, tearing the paper apart easily.
“So, you never …?” He broke off again. “You and Kenji spend a lot of time together.”
The smile found its way back onto Yutaka’s face.
“Kenji is not my type”, he said.
Shou sighed deeply.
He kept ripping off small pieces of the napkin. The white bits on the black table surface looked like he was trying to make it snow.
“Honestly? I think Kenji is everyone’s type, somehow. Even if he is not your type, you still can’t help appreciating.”
Yutaka laughed quietly. It was a surprised laugh; one that had not been intended to break through.
“I get what you mean”, he admitted, now eyeing Shou with sudden interest. “But I’m really not into tall, handsome, muscular men.”
Shou snorted.
“Who is, right?”, he asked. “I mean, tall, handsome, muscular. Eww.”
Yutaka chuckled again.
“I like it better when a guy is my height”, he said. “And somewhat, you know, helpless. I guess that’s why they thought you might be my type.”
“I’m not helpless”, Shou said.
He was surprised how harsh his voice sounded. His hands were still tearing up the napkin. He wasn’t sure if he was protesting against being helpless, or rather against possibly being Yutaka’s type.
“You are not”, Yutaka confirmed.
Shou felt relieved. And also, a little offended.
“But I get why people would think that”, Yutaka carried on. “You always seem lost. Like you could need guidance.”
“I don’t need guidance, either”, Shou said.
“I know”, Yutaka said seriously. “It’s me, who would always follow your lead, isn’t it?”
Shou looked up in surprise and shrugged.
Yutaka was speaking gently now and he didn’t know what to do with it. He felt like maybe he needed to clarify things between them, that it would never, ever happen, whatever Yutaka was thinking about right now. But then, pointing it out would be stupid, because Shou wasn’t vain enough to believe for even a second that was really what Yutaka was thinking of. He probably just wanted to be nice.
“Could you please stop that?”, Yutaka finally said and reached out to cup Shou’s hand.
He hadn’t realized his hands were still busy with tearing up the napkin. The table looked like a complete mess already. Yutaka’s hand was warm by now.
“You are making me anxious”, Yutaka finished.
Shou had never thought there was anything in the world that could possibly make Kyan Yutaka feel anxious.
Yutaka pulled back his hand.
The sudden touch had surprised Shou, but it hadn’t felt all that bad. It had felt natural, most of all. Not like a date who suddenly touched your hand and caused your heartbeat to quicken. It had felt like the touch of a friend who had touched him a million times already without ever thinking about it. Weirdly enough, it made Shou feel calmer instantly.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry”, he said and pushed the remains of the napkin together to form a small pile.
For a moment, Shou just stared at it.
“Can I ask you something? Why did you come here today? To this date?”
He had been wondering about it since Yutaka had approached him. He surely didn’t need to rely on his friends to get a date.
Yutaka shrugged.
“I like dating. It’s fun. And when my friend told me they knew someone who would be just my type, I thought it might be fun, too. Why not give it a try? But what about you? I never thought you’d be the kind of person to agree to this. Too much social anxiety to go on a date with a stranger or whatever.”
Shou drummed a short rhythm on the table plate with his fingers.
“I have a hard time finding someone who’d date me”, he pressed out. “Especially men. I don’t know how to approach them. I thought …”
He broke off. He didn’t want to admit to what he had thought. It was pathetic.
“I know, it’s not easy to find someone with the same preferences. Especially, when you want the information to stay private”, Yutaka confirmed.
Then he laughed as if a funny thought had just hit him.
“I could forward you to some of my ex-boyfriends, though, if you’d like.”
Shou winced.
“Please, no”, he said. “I hated all of them.”
“I thought you didn’t pay attention to them”, Yutaka observed.
Shou smiled apologetic instead of answering.
Yutaka smirked, but he tried not to let it show.
“I really wonder why your friends tried to set you up with me, though”, Shou said, just to say anything at all. “What made them think we would be a match?”
“Really?”, Yutaka assured and raised his eyebrows. “I think they were quite right about that choice. We are friends for a reason after all. We like the same stuff. We have the same sense of humour. If we really had met for the first time today, I’m sure we would have hit it off.”
Shou shifted his body, suddenly feeling uncomfortable again. He hadn’t even realized he had begun to relax, but now he was all tense again.
He didn’t want to think about the possibility of what could have been between him and Yutaka. Or what could be. He didn’t want complicated feelings and having to waste his time … thinking about stuff. He wanted it to stay just like it had always been. Yutaka completely out of reach and Shou ignoring his feelings. It had worked out nicely so far. Hadn’t it?
“I guess”, he admitted shyly. “But we are bandmembers. They should really have been aware of that.”
“Yes”, Yutaka agreed. “But don’t worry. I’m sure you will find someone.”
“Yeah”, Shou said vaguely and rubbed his face absent-mindedly.
Then he took up his cup of coffee and emptied it with large gulps. It was almost cold already and tasted awful.
He put the cup back onto the saucer.
“So, we are good?”, he confirmed finally. “Nothing between us has changed?”
“Of course not, idiot”, Yutaka said.
Shou nodded with relief.
He wanted everything between them to stay exactly like it had been before. He would not look at Yutaka differently now, just because he knew that technically – just technically – it was possible for them to be more than friends. And surely, Yutaka wouldn’t view him any different, either. Their relationship had not changed at all, just because it suddenly had another option to it.
“Okay, because dating is clearly not an option”, Shou clarified, talking over his own thoughts.
“I agree”, Yutaka said and pushed his empty cup towards the middle of the table to signal he was ready to go as well. “Nothing will change.”
Then he paused his motion as if a thought had hit him suddenly and stopped him short. His hand was still touching the cup.
“But if you ever need to talk, you know”, Yutaka said hesitantly. “I mean, you didn’t tell any of us. But you can. We are your friends.”
Shou swallowed. Suddenly, his stomach felt very funny.
“You don’t mean to tell the others, do you?”, he assured.
Yutaka finally pulled back his hand, resting it in his lap instead. He looked confused.
“You don’t want Jun and Kenji to know?”, he made sure. “They are good guys, you know? They don’t care whom you have sex with. Or – in your case – what kind of porn you watch.”
“Oi!”, Shou said and kicked out under the table. He hit the leg of Yutaka’s seat, watching him jolt a little. “I’m just embarrassed, that’s all.”
Yutaka raised his eyebrows at him. He wore his teasing expression, not the pitying one. The atmosphere felt somewhat lighter already.
“Embarrassed for liking guys?”, he asked.
“Embarrassed for having ended up on a date with an idiot like yourself”, Shou corrected.
Yutaka chuckled. Shou expected him to deliver a smooth comeback, but he didn’t. Instead he got up and smiled.
“We’ll keep it between us”, he promised and grabbed for his coat. “Everything will stay the same.”
Then he put on the coat, but he did not walk away from the table first and moved too much in general. One of the sleeves brushed across the table surface, destroying Shou’s heap of napkin pieces. The white paper remains tumbled all over the table and fell off at the sides.
“Everything will stay the same”, Shou repeated under his breath to assure himself that it was true.
He glanced at the area around them that now looked like the first Christmas snow had fallen already. It looked like a mess.
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Gotham s5ep4 “Ruin” Personal Review
“There goes the element of surprise..” Warning spoilers below (ahaha not this week, boy am I late, not that anyone would have missed this though, also little meta content this week)
What I loved about the episode is that it´s the “apocalypse” and then it comes down to a crime scene investigation! I would take much more of that! Much more! Just less of a bloodthirsty MOB. Like would they really want Zsasz hanged? The evidence was pretty clear, Jim Gordon really got no reason to lie to them, actually it would greatly benefit him if he did. Do they really not want to see the real culprit punished? I´m not a fan of lynch/mob law in general but does it make sense for the mob to want the wrong guy hanged, that way the police probably will think / claim everything is settled and call it a day, which means the real culprit is free to do that again, but then again I wonder how many people know about Zsasz and him having been a hitman, did some of them have had relatives that got into Carmine / Sal Maroni crossfire, was this partly a he´s a guilty filthy criminal *anyway* thing? * “You don't need to smuggle in explosives when you can detonate 250 gallons of highly pressurized heating oil that's coursing through all the floors.” Ah damn, they really had Edward Nygma do it, I kind of didn´t want them to follow that route. Also why put that running guy with bomb in there then, huh .. damn exploding herrings. HOPE goes on and off this week: “But whoever destroyed that building can't destroy the hope we've built. Not unless we let them.” “I told the people it was safe. I made them into a target.” “Jim, you gave 'em” “Don't tell me I gave 'em hope. They're dead.” * It´s GOOD vs. EVIL “This city will never be what you want it to be, Jim. It's always gonna belong to the bad guys, like me.” “People like you are always trying to own this city. But you never will.” * It´s GOOD ft. EVIL Oswald Cobblepot poses as if he was the synthesis of both those opposites: A bad guy that cares. “I lost people, too, Jim. People you lured with promises of safety and security, only to have them incinerated.” Oswald arms the GCPD talking about working together just to take over and get his own trials and justice going. He´s claiming to provide what Jim can´t. While both Barbara Kean & Oswald Cobblepot claimed their help came no strings attached Oswald´s help does not include staying aside and letting them do their work. Although to be fair he said “Save for the one that we will cinch around the neck of the Haven bomber.” What is it with people that it always needs a couple hundred dead people that they can focus on nice things. Anyway everyone is appropriately appalled with this atrocity. They also gave all the villains some selfish reasons. OSWALD COBBLEPOT wants people and their cheers. EDWARD NYGMA wants the file of the inmate. “I've been putting out feelers.” BARBARA KEAN is worried Sirens might be next, making her probably the least “selfish” one because she seems to care about the people that she protects and might not demand the same level of praise that Oswald does. (I know probably other things but unless canon proves me wrong I headcanon slightly differently) She feels hurt but understands Jim would suspect, even for a moment that she could be responsible for the destruction Haven. They slowly get her back on suitable for Jim Gordon to kiss track, which phu idk. I liked her and their relationship in S1, but there´s just so much happened in between. And plenty in Barbara´s characterization I didn´t like so it´s nice to see her on a more reasonable track now but how about they just gave her an awesome relationship with Tabitha ........ Characterization questions aside I really loved that she did not and could not kill Oswald in the light of the explosion! That was a touching moment! Also her outfit is nice, although they toned down the make up. And Jim gripping her arm during the kiss almost gives old timey movie vibes. I´m sure I don´t need to write on Babs / Oswald paralells, I assume I just can reblog better words on it from someone .. * Also something tells me if JIM GORDON had gotten that shoot out with VICTOR ZSASZ, that kiss would not have happened …… “Inmate number 1215 knows! Knows what???!!??!” Ha, distressed, puzzled, annoyed EDWARD NYGMA is a joy to watch. I don’t really have to say more on that. Edward snatching the blanket from the woman when walking into the GCPD makes me wonder, what would he have done if that woman hadn´t been there? Just walked in? Did he have a stupid disguise and was like, oh no wait that´s better. He and LUCIUS FOX were a delight. Edward trying to snatch the file from him and run was wonderful! Him preening in pride when his expertise is wanted was delightful! Lucius claiming, he´ll deny having said the praise he gave Edward in the end, precious! Lucius playing him like a fiddle, and moving him with barely more than his fingertips, damn! Just that the whole thing was shot like when Ed pursued Kristen Kringle! Their dynamic is just wonderful: “Impressive. Calculated the angle of incident to follow the trajectory through the window, into the fuel oil tanks.” “Yep. That, and the RPG case is right over there.” * One thing that stressed me was Ed sending the Files flying around him on the rooftop. Like at that moment he didn´t yet know that the woman he saw in the window was connect to the note he put down on his hands. Even when the inmate was dead there could have been some hints in the file or who knows in hid grave. Like, no Edward! No! Go run and pick them up. * Someone needs to do a Parallel Meta for 5x04 & 4x12 when Ed found out he hired the hit on Leslie Thompkins. * “I did not make that building go boom, Jim.” Yeah, that´s a VICTOR ZSASZ line. Love him. * ““Hey, do you guys have any canned peaches? Man, I'd trade an arm and a leg for that right now. Not mine, somebody else's.” Food and cut off limbs, that´s another one. Love him. * And that one: “Do the math. If I blew up a building full of people, I would have covered every inch of my body in sweet, sweet scars. You guys want to do a strip search?” “I'd let Alvarez do it. He's handsome” * Him shooting Oswald´s head on the major poster after he said something was a great detail! * Him drinking while waiting for the bullet hail to stop as well. * I´m gonna make a post about the Gunman magazine that fell on the floor, after Jim tackled him so majestically ... * Zsasz usurping the applause afterwards, and later was adorable. * “Is this about Sofia Falcone? Because you should really move past that. It's not healthy.” DOES HE KNOW SHE KILLED CARMINE, DOES HE OR DOES HE NOT ???? They had him express sympathy towards Carmine in Season 1, they showed that he cared when Carmine got killed. I get that he might abandon issues like that in the current environment but they can´t open up such a plotline and then just drop it. Does he know that Oswald didn´t kill Carmine? Like honestly .. I know it´s the Jim Gordon show but I would have loved it if Victor Zsasz just had saved himself!! I would have loved it even more if along the way they somehow figured out the whole misconception, Zsasz would recognize that Sofia and not Oswald is to blame and maybe even apologize. * But hey Oswald´s “Well said” about the mumbled last words was mean but awesome. * Soooo who went in the trashy local torture museum to get the guillotine? * How does Zsasz work? There where zero people shown around him. What is it like to live on Zsasz turf? * Zsasz mumbling must have been bewildered that they aren´t honouring the tradition of the last meal before an execution, like he got his order ready, that was the last silver lining, if he´s really going to face his end at the hands of penguin in those halls at least he´s going to get his teeth into something juicy and tasty before it happens .. SELINA KYLE, (Bruce Wayne), JEREMIAH VALESKA, ECCO * Sykes and the Soothsayers digging a tunnel for Jeremiah Valeska. Is that poetic justice? Also is this a new tunnel, when the Soothsayers had the children dig it they went out of their way to state that their cruelty is even more infuriating because the whole endeavour is very likely futile. Like they made it damn clear that the TUNNEL is not going to go anywhere. Also would Jeremiah, who made the bridges go boom want a tunnel that remedies that issue partly? Only for himself? His cult? Is he doing something else altogether? Is it about what he can get into the city through it? Is he better at static issues and remedied the tunnel digging plan? Was he involved before? * “Yes you certainly have set a very high bar - for devotion.” Fucker gave me an earworm, Ordo Rosarius Equilibrio & Spiritual Front - A Song 4 Hate and Devotion (live) I mean quite a fitting mood considering all the other portrayals of the Harley and Mr. Jay relationship, but maybe they give ECCO and JEREMIAH VALESKA a different path. Aside from that the little dance was slightly nice. * “Bruce Wayne and his sidekick Curls Or is he the sidekick?” Yes! Ecco got the right spirit. I wonder if Ecco sees herself as sidekick? “You see, a river cuts through rock not because of its power, but because of its persistence.So what do we do when we feel like giving up?” “Dig a little deeper.” “And what do we do when we can't possibly go on any longer?” “Dig a little deeper.” “And what do we ..” “Deep enough?” I´m afraid it was not deep enough, I´m afraid it was quite shallow because the show is not as clever as Ecco, I bet that he isn´t dead, if he was it if could have actually been just about her. Honestly, I would love that. All the BatJokes built up and then it´s about Selina. And she has plenty right for it to be about her, Jeremiah almost killed her. What else does it need. * SELINA KYLE keeping in the shadows investigating, disguising herself as one of the people there, then getting close to Jeremiah dressed as Ecco: She´s good! She´s awesome! * That GCPD woman that was doing PAPERWORK when Ed sneaked into the building. Do they do regular paperwork? Cause damn, considering the governmental neglect if Jim got them to bother to do the regular paperwork he must have given one hell of a speech. Or is it paperwork related to organize a place like Haven? How do they do things? * Oswald destroying all strategy with a megaphone: “There goes the element of surprise.” * “Elevated position, back to the sun.” * “Never ever ask me to do anything like that again. Pull yourself together.” Harvey does not approve of Wild West Jim * “ I know the wheels of justice turn slowly, so I'm here to provide - a modicum of grease.” / “I did not expect you to go soft, Jim. Actually, I did.” / “By the power vested in me by well, me, I sentence you, Victor Zsasz, to die.” * “One of the areas in which I excel is the loosening of tongues.” “No. He's mine” Oh damn I thought Jim said “it´s mine” as in he´s better with interrogations. Well there goes my whole comparison with the Edward Nygma & Lucius Fox expertise quip: “So, the second smartest man in Gotham needs my help.” “Explosives are not my expertise.” “Didn't realize you had one.” *“Jim Gordon cares more about protecting a murderer than he does about protecting you!” Okay look who is projecting ....
#gotham#gotham meta#gotham s5ep4 Ruin#Victor Zsasz#ecco#Selina Kyle#mine Gotham full episode reviews
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Michael's Song
HSS Michael x MC (Jordan) in Midnight Sun AU
*Disclaimer: Most of the lines I got from the actual movie the Midnight Sun and all the rights belongs to the creators and writers. This is merely a converted fan fiction*
Part Two
"Maria Flores." The principal announced.
The audience erupted into cheers and applause, the principal shaking hands with the Student Council President/Valedictorian as he presents her diploma and Maria Flores bowed proudly to the crowd.
His name is to be called next on stage. Michael stepped forward, not knowing exactly what to feel and to be honest, he just wants this whole thing to be over and get the hell out of Cedar Cove.
He looks behind him and sees a timid blonde girl whose name he barely remember from the classes they shared. Emily Hawkins? Emma? Going farther, he caught some of his teammates' eyes from the line and they raised their fist.
"Go Tigers!" Caleb cheered. Michael smirks.
"Michael Reginald Harrison." Principal Hughs called from the stage.
A ruckus of cheers and hollers came from both the Varsity team and the cheerleading squad. Even some of his 'outcast' friends-- Morgan, Koh and Wes-- joined in on the noise.
"Yeah, Michael!" They yelled.
"Congratulations, Michael." The principal told him with her usual fond smile.
Michael shakes her hand and takes the ribboned diploma from her then raised it in the air, seeing both his parents sitting on the bleachers along with the other, proud smiles on their faces for once. Not the constant disappointment he sees from them all the time.
The graduation continued, unaware of another student, a certain girl named Jordan, has been watching the whole thing live on their local city news.
Jordan smiles on the screen. There he is. He must be famous, she thought, seeing as a lot of students cheered for his name.
▪️▪️▪️
Jordan wakes up around nine in the evening. Her room shrouded in darkness with only a glimpse of the light down the streets.
There is a noisy honking sound coming from the outside and she gets up quickly to check what it was. Down outside, the streets is littered with teenagers walking in groups, chatting excitedly among themselves as they passed.
"I can't believe this is happening!" The driver of an SUV yelled at the others, honking the car.
They must be the students that graduated earlier that day, just like her. Only the difference, they appear to be heading somewhere fun and exciting.
With a sigh, Jordan showered and gets dress before walking down the stairs. The house appears to be empty at first, then she goes down the hall and into a dark room where her father had been setting up a set of photographs.
"Ooh. That's a good one!" She said, watching her dad hung a grayscale stolen shot of herself to a cable.
"Something weird's going on right here." Scott pointed on a spot where her face is.
She punched his arm, pouting, then looks around the dark photography room. Since waking up, Jordan had an idea of going somewhere other than her room, but she wasn't sure her dad will be up for it considering he rarely let her go anywhere by herself.
"Hey, Dad, uh..." She bites her lip nervously. "I was wondering if I could go play with my new beautiful present at the train station tonight..." Earlier, her Dad gave her a present...the same guitar her mom used to play for her years ago.
Scott turns on the light, looking down his watch with a frown. "It's 10:00. Why can't Maria just come over? You could play here for us."
Jordan groans. "Maria's busy with her family. And, Dad, I love playing for you-- I really do, but I also need to get used to playing in front of other people. Please, please, please! Fred will be there. He'll watch out for me-- And I graduated today! Yay!" She wrings her hands in a faux festive way. "Isn't that the American tradition, to extend my curfew?"
Her father looks up the ceiling, trying hard not to grin. "Okay, I'll extend your curfew one hour--"
She squeals in delight, wrapping her father in a hug as she jumps up and down her feet.
"-- which means midnight, okay? Hey, and text me right when you get there, or I'm not just gonna call Fred, I'm gonna come down there. It will be so embarrassing it will become urban legend on why kids should stick to their curfew!"
"I love you!" Jordan shoots finger guns at her dad before disappearing out the door.
▪️▪️▪️
Michael managed to get himself his own bonfire.
The rest of the party has been in full swing at the distance, their classmates dancing, playing and laughing on different bonfires surrounding the beach.
He takes a swig of his beer. Michael had been watching Caleb, Julian and Wes having fun with Payton and the other girls from cheer squad.
To be honest, being here is as much fun as waiting for the graduation ceremony to end. Michael didn't want to be there, but unfortunately, he has a group of athletic friends who practically hauled him out of his house a couple hours ago.
"Dude, is this place--"
Michael shoots the guy a serious stare, then watch with a satisfied smirk as the guy rush as far away from him as he can.
He takes another swig.
From their bonfire, Michael noticed Wes heading his way. Julian and Caleb jostling behind him.
"Hey, don't do that thing." Wes pointed out when they reached his spot.
"What thing?" He sighs.
"That." Julian shrugged.
Wes pats his back. "I mean, you look all sad and it makes me sad."
The three guys chuckle, obviously had drunk too much already.
Julian offered him another can of beer. "Please, just chug this beer and come hang out!"
"Dude, you dodged a bullet, man." Caleb grins. He was probably talking about his failed application to Berkeley, where Michael had been hoping to go after high school and escape from this town. "You were gonna be up at the ass crack of dawn every morning, taking tests, nowhere near the beach. And now, we get to do this..." The guy gestures around them. "Our whole lives!"
Oh, for the love of God, please no. Michael says inside his head. He stands to face the others with sarcastic snorts. "I forgot, doing this our whole lives, it's way better than a full ride to Berkeley."
Julian turns to whisper conspiratorially. "Giselle, on three o'clock."
As expected, the girl indeed went to join them, her gold hoop earrings swing on the side of her face. Giselle gave her a dazzling smile. "Michael..." She says his name in a sing-song way. "You're in trouble."
"What did I do this time?" He played along.
"You didn't get me a drink."
"I didn't know you were thirsty."
"Now you do!" Giselle suddenly pushed him on the left shoulder, making him wince, and her mouth dropped open in surprised at what she did. "I'm sorry!"
"It's okay." Michael grumbled.
"Is that the bad one?" The girl lifts the sleeves of his black shirt, revealing the long jagged scar on his shoulder. "Well, now that you're not playing, maybe you'll have a little extra time for me."
Ah, there it is.
Michael and Giselle grew up close in the small town of Cedar Cove, since Kindergarten actually. For a long time, they were best of friends. Going all over town, recording epic videos together. That was them.
Yeah, typical high school story... The jock and the cheerleading captain getting cozy all the time. But at some point, Michael got tired of everything. He started missing out on parties, spending lunch breks away from everyone. The injury was only the last straw.
"I also have some extra time for you." Wes quipped. "And I'm not playing ball."
Caleb nudged him on the ribs. "You were never playing ball, dude."
"Giselle! Get over here, bitch!" Her friends called out.
"Hold on!" Giselle touchs Michael's arm, her voice turns soft. "You're coming to my graduation party, right?"
Michael nods his head, reluctantly. "Yeah, I think so."
"Good."
And with that, the cheerleader walks away, her hips swinging along with the music.
The guys watch her before turning back to him, goofy smiles on their dumb faces.
He reached down on the bench, picking up his dark-green bomber jacket and puts it on quickly.
"What...what are you doing?" Caleb asked, confused.
"Dodging another bullet."
Wes stepped forward, alarmed. "Come on, Dude! It's our graduation night."
Michael backs away from them, arms up. "I'm not feeling it, boys. I'll see you later."
▪️▪️▪️
The knock she did on the glass window made the man look up from his desk.
"Hey, yo, Fred." Jordan greets.
The middle-aged train station officer smiles in delight at the sight of her. "I was wondering if you were gonna show up tonight."
"What, and disappoint all my fans?" She asked, pointing on the empty lot surrounding the ticket booth.
The man let out a hearty laugh, then she waves over and walked to the small bench on the corner where she always sits to play.
Jordan pulled out the guitar from the case then sets her journal on the space beside her. She knows exactly what to play, and it had been the only song she wanted to play first on her new guitar.
She played a few warm-up notes first, then smoothly gliding her fingers through the strings as the first few notes of the songs plays out. It was a song she had been writing lately.
"While you're fast asleep, counting your sheep,
I'm breathing...
I'll be up all night, playing through this twilight dream
Cause all my life I have been patiently waiting,
For lights to dim to fulfill my destiny...
I'll keep reachin'... As far as I can till break of day
I'll keep reaching..."
Jordan didn't even noticed but the last trip for the night just stopped in front of her and passengers steps off one by one.
"The light of my life will find its way
I know if I reach too far I may not ever recover..."
People passed her by, dropping coins and bills on the open guitar case, but the smiles on their faces was enough for Jordan to keep the music on.
"But I know the stars, Ain't all I'm meant to discover,
So I'll keep reaching..."
It was a rather chilly night. Michael shoves his hands into the pocket of his jacket and strolls briskly down the streets, passing by the train station which is still open for the late night commuters. He was almost around the corner when he sees it. A girl. She was sitting in front of the ticket booth as she plays guitar, the movement of her mouth indicates singing but from the distance, he couldn't hear what she was singing.
To be continued...
▪️▪️▪️
Note: the song title is Reaching by Bella Thorne.
#playchoices#choices#hss#hss book 1#hss book 2#hss book 3#maria flores#michael harrison#michael x mc#caleb mitchell#wes porter#julian castillo#giselle
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Not So Bad
Author: https://kawaiipsycho101.tumblr.com/
Gift for: @litendelfin
Prompt: AU where they (Mello & Near) manage to work together as detectives.
Author’s Notes: I really hope this is what the prompter was looking for and that they like it at least a little. I’m sorry Near doesn’t show until the second half of the story, but I really wanted to have some proper build up. The story can be read with either a ‘just friends’ or 'eventual lovers’ mindset, or both. I should also warn readers that there is some salty language and brief graphic descriptions of crime scenes, along with talk of themes that may make some readers uncomfortable (I’d say a T rating on ff.net, maybe M just to be safe). Anyway, I sincerely hope you all (especially Litendelfin) enjoy. Also, I used Google Translate for the Vietnamese and Latin phrases. If these translations are wrong, and you know the correct words, don’t hesitate to let me know.
Not So Bad
Mello thought everything in the room was wrong.
Bright white walls?
Wrong.
The lack of desserts and computer monitors?
Wrong.
Quillish Wammy greeting him not with a warm smile, but with a sad, forlorn frown?
Wrong.
The only man he ever truly idolized lying with his eyes closed in a hospital bed rather than sitting in his preferred crouch, eyes wide and attentive?
Wrong.
“Thank you for coming, Mello.”
The boy merely nodded and approached the bed, taking in his mentor’s sickly pale skin and the horrific bags under his eyes; granted, he’d looked like this the last time Mello had seen him, but now it was almost a hundred times worse. He opened his mouth to say something, maybe greet his hero, but everything was suddenly dry and nothing came out. Taking notice of this, Quillish stepped past him and gently placed his hand on the shoulder of the man in the bed.
“L, you have a visitor,” he whispered kindly, “Mello’s here to see you.”
The man’s head turned a little towards the voice, his eyes opening very slowly. The sparks of genius Mello had once seen in those eyes years ago had faded to practically nothing. For the first time since he’d heard the news, the blonde boy finally began to believe that L really was dying.
But quickly (although not quickly enough, Mello thought), the young man in the bed sat up a little, now fully conscious, the intelligence in his eyes now glimmering at nearly full force, which gave his potential successor some relief.
He wasn’t totally gone yet.
“Ah, Mello…Thank you for coming,” L yawned, rubbing an eye with one hand and gesturing to a chair by his bedside with the other, “Please, sit.”
“Thank you,” Mello mumbled, grateful for something to say, and sat down.
“Sorry for dozing off on you. I didn’t mean to.”
Since when did the World’s Greatest Detective doze off?
“N-no, it’s alright. I-I just got here.”
If there was one person in the world that could make Mihael Keehl stutter and stammer, it was L…Of course, the boy would rather die than admit that to anyone, even himself.
“Thank you, Watari. I’ll take it from here.”
“Of course, sir. Let me know if you need anything.” The old man bowed and left the two alone.
“You’ve grown since the last time I saw you,” L mused, looking Mello up and down, “I understand you recently celebrated your seventeenth birthday, yes?”
“Y-yeah, it was last Sunday.”
“I’m sorry I couldn’t have been there.”
“It’s okay, you were wor-” Mello caught himself, about to say the word ‘working’, but he remembered that L hadn’t really been occupied with a case this time, but rather going through several last-ditch procedures, treatments, and surgeries in an attempt to lengthen what little time he had left. “It…it’s okay.”
“I still got you a present, though.” The blonde perked up as L reached into a bedside drawer and removed a package wrapped in shiny black paper with gold ribbon. He handed him the gift with a small smile. “Happy Birthday, Mello.”
“L…” Tears started to well up in his eyes, but he’d be damned if he let them show. He accepted the present with trembling hands. It felt heavy. “Y-you di-didn’t ha-…” He cursed the way his voice trembled and took a few seconds before trying again. “You shouldn’t have…”
“I wanted to.” His face still held that sad, sad smile. “Go on, open it.”
Mello obeyed, taking his time in the unwrapping. This would be the last gift he would ever receive from L; he wanted to remember every second of this for the rest of his life.
Once the wrapping paper was removed, he was left with a hefty, ornately decorated black wooden box with intricate gold patterns surrounding the golden letter ‘M’ carved into the center of the lid. Taped to the box was a small gold key on a thin golden chain. It took a minute for Mello to find the lock; it was very tiny, painted the exact shade of black as the rest of the box, and was located on the left side of the ‘M’ rather than in the center in the side beneath it, making it nearly impossible to find. When he unlocked the box, he found a small fortune’s worth of chocolate inside, with brands from around the world that he’d only read and dreamed about.
“L…I…I…” He looked up at his mentor with wide eyes.
“Do you not like it?” The detective frowned and tilted his head, chewing on his thumbnail.
“Do I not…? L, I love it!” Mello threw his arms around the man in a fierce hug. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”
“You’re welcome.” L gently hugged him back. “I’m glad you love it.”
After Mello had sampled some of the chocolate (it was by far the best he’d ever tasted), they talked for a bit about the boy’s studies and how things were going for him at Wammy’s House while Quillish brought them tea and hot chocolate. Mello was still the second highest-scoring student at the institute, having only been two points behind Near on their latest exams, but he still saw this as a crushing defeat.
“But I’ll beat him next time! I’m sure I will!”
“Indeed,” L murmured, sipping a cup of honey mixed with a little tea. “Mello, there’s something I want to ask you.”
“What is it?”
“Do you truly wish to be my successor? Or rather, do you really want to do what I do for a living?”
There was no hesitation in Mello’s answer.
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s what you want me to be, isn’t it? It’s what I’ve been training more than half my life for.”
L closed his eyes and sighed.
“Mello, I want you to be what you want to be. Now tell me, what do you want to do with your life?”
The boy gave the question some thought.
“I still want to do it. I want to be like you. I want to bring criminals to justice and protect innocent people.”
“You do know I only do detective work as a hobby, not to pursue justice?”
“…Yes, I do; that’s why I want to do it. I want to protect people and have criminals brought to justice, no matter what.”
“So, you don’t want to be exactly like me?”
Mello paused.
“When you put it that way…No, I don’t.”
“But you still want to be the best.”
“Yes, like you.”
“You want to be perfect.”
“Yes.”
L narrowed his eyes and set his drink aside.
“Mello, I want you to listen very carefully to what I’m about to say to you.”
“A-alright.”
“Are you listening?”
“Yes.”
The man looked deep into his protégé’s eyes.
“Being the best at what you do, being number one…being perfect…There’s no such thing.”
“Wha…what are you saying? Of course it exists! Just look at Near! He gets a perfect score on every exam without even trying!”
“How do you know he doesn’t? Do you follow him everywhere? Do you have cameras hidden in his room?”
“Yes!” Mello clamped his mouth shut the second the word left his mouth, his face turning crimson. “I mean…I used to.” He hung his head in shame. “I wanted to see if he ever really studied, so I set up a camera while he was at a doctor’s appointment a few years ago.”
“And…?”
“Nothing. I watched him for three months, and he never studied, not once. He just played with his toys.” He roughly rubbed his eyes with his shirt-sleeve, fighting back tears, but they refused to cooperate. “I only stopped because I realized how much time I’d wasted watching him when I could have been studying, myself.”
“True, you shouldn’t have done that.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay, although you should be apologizing to Near, since you invaded his privacy.”
Mello shuddered at the thought, but nodded.
“R-right, I will.” He didn’t know how much more he could take, so he decided to get it over with and cut straight to the point. “Look, why don’t you just make Near your successor?! That’s obviously where you’re going with this anyway! He’s not like me, he doesn’t get emotional! He always uses his head, like it’s a game or a puzzle!”
“But I don’t want Near as my successor…not exactly, anyway.”
The blonde froze.
“What?”
“Would you like to know my ideal scenario regarding who should be the next L after I’m gone?”
Mello grit his teeth a little, but nodded.
“I would like you and Near both to be L, together.”
Silence…Then,
“You can’t be serious.”
“I am completely serious.”
“I-it’ll never work. You know I don’t get along with Near. We’ve always competed against each other, always.”
L gave another exasperated sigh.
“Why don’t you like Near, Mello?”
“Because he’s just so…so…”
“Near?”
“Exactly!” Mello slumped in his chair. “I don’t know what I hate more, the fact that he’s so unemotional all the time, like he doesn’t even care, or that the few times he is, he’s always wearing this smug little shit-eating grin, like he’s better than everyone else!” L laughed, surprising the blonde. “What the Hell is funny about that?!”
“I apologize,” the older man chuckled, “I wasn’t laughing at you; I was laughing at your choice of words. It reminded me of what someone said about me during my last case. He used the phrase, ‘shit-eating grin’ as well.”
“Your last case…You mean the Banzai Bomber?”
“That’s correct. I don’t think I ever told you, but that case was the first, and only, time I ever showed my face to the people working under me.”
“You’re kidding!”
“No,” L smiled, “The Bomber was proving more difficult than I’d imagined, and I knew that my time here on Earth was dwindling rather rapidly, so I figured I had little to nothing to lose. I’d always wondered what it would be like to work with people face-to-face rather than through a computer screen, and I wanted to try it just once before I was too sick to move.” He refilled his cup of tea and took a long sip. “Of course, even then this was all done with a very small group of detectives I’d personally selected for the task force, and who had all been sworn to secrecy on pain of death if they dared tell anyone about me or the case. One of the investigators I chose was the Chief of the NPA’s son, a brilliant young man named Light, whom had just graduated early from To-Oh University. Although Light and I worked well together, we still had our fair share of…disagreements.”
“Like what?”
“For starters, Light thought some of my methods were too extreme and violated human rights. He also said I was stubborn, unemotional, stuck-up, and had a ‘shit-eating grin’, among other things…” L smirked in remembrance. “Our most intense confrontation ended with a black eye on my part and a broken nose on his.”
“He hit you?!”
“Oh, yes. Although I can’t entirely blame him; I was intentionally provoking him, so some of the fault is my own.”
“Why were you provoking him?”
“I was being a sore loser. You see, Light believed that my plan for capturing the Bomber was too risky and could easily injure or even kill civilians, so he made one of his own; to prove that we could catch him without harming innocent people…It worked flawlessly.”
Mello gaped at him.
“N-no way…”
“I’m afraid so, but in the end, I’m glad he one-upped me. It’s not like I wanted civiliancasualties, I just didn’t want to admit that I was wrong.” L turned to his successor. “Do you understand now, Mello? I’m not perfect, you’re not perfect, even Near isn’t perfect. You both have your individual strengths and weaknesses. That’s why I’d like you to be L together. On your own, you each have incredible talent and potential; but together, you could be so much more…You could surpass me, be better than me.” He gently took Mello’s wrist. “Listen, there will always be someone better than you, and while I greatly admire your determination to improve yourself, you mustn’t let an impossibility like perfection drag you down.” His expression grew somber. “I’ve seen too many people go mad chasing that illusion. I’d rather you not become one of them.”
Mello looked at the bony hand gripping his wrist, the pressure of L’s fingertips barely present, as if he was cradling something tiny and delicate.
“What…” He was almost too scared to ask, but he did anyway. “What if I refuse? What happens then?”
“Then neither one of you will become L. You will be M and N. I will fade away with time, and you will make your mark on the world as you see fit.”
“You mean if I don’t work with Near, all the years I spent training, all the work I put in, all the hours I studied, will have been for fucking nothing?!”
“Please lower your voice. And no, that is not at all what I am saying. Weren’t you paying attention? You already have the capabilities to succeed me, but I think you’d do better with Near.”
Mello had long since yanked his hand out of L’s and was currently burying his face in both of them.
“I can’t believe…You can’t do this!” He was starting to hyperventilate.
“Mello. Mello, stop.” L pulled his hands away from his head and tilted the boy’s chin up. “Mello, look at me. Look at me.” The blonde reluctantly did as he was told. “Good. Now, I want you to take a deep breath; in through your nose, out through your mouth.” Mello did it, holding the air in for a good five seconds before releasing it. “Again.”
This went on for a minute before L deemed Mello capable of calming down on his own, which he quickly did.
“I’m sorry,” Mello whimpered.
“It’s alright,” L soothed, “Look, Mello…I’m not forcing you to work with Near, and I never will; neither will Watari or Roger. If being L means that much to you, I’ll let you have it.”
“W-what?”
“I’ve already spoken to Near about my proposal, and he says he’s more than willing to work with you, if you so desire. He said he’d like it very much. However, he also said that if you really can’t stand to work with him, he will step down, leaving you as my sole successor.”
“Near said that?”
L nodded.
“I’m not expecting a decision now, nor do I wish to rush you. All I ask is that you think it over.”
Mello hesitated before placing his hand on his mentor’s shoulder.
“Okay. I promise; I’ll deeply consider my choices.”
L smiled and embraced him tightly, which was reciprocated.
“Thank you, Mello. Take as much time as you need.”
“I will, L. I will.”
Mello was still weighing his options when L Lawliet passed away a little more than a month later.
The funeral was a simple affair.
It was a small crowd of just thirty-five people. On one side were those associated with Wammy’s House, including the House’s founder, Quillish Wammy, the caretaker, Roger Ruvie, the orphans currently living there, and a handful of former students come to pay their respects; the other, smaller side consisted of close allies L had made over the years, including the task force that had been working with him on his last major case. Once L’s body had been laid to rest, Mello approached the group of Japanese men and women and pulled one of them aside. He and Light Yagami talked for a long time.
That night, after the guests had left and most of the children had gone to bed, Mello found Near in the corner of the common room, still wearing the set of black pajamas he’d worn for the funeral and solving a blank white puzzle.
“Good evening, Mello.” The younger boy didn’t have to turn around or look up to know who had approached him.
“Near,” Mello greeted as politely as he could.
“Is there something you wish to discuss with me?”
Mello wanted to say that he knew damn well what he was here for, but held it back, instead answering with a simple, “Yes.”
After waiting a few moments, Near finally glanced at his companion.
“And…?”
“If it’s alright with you, I’d…I’d like…” The blonde suppressed his gag-reflex. “I would like to try being L with you.”
“Okay.” Near went back to what he was doing without another word.
It took every bit of willpower in Mello’s being not to strangle him on the spot.
“But know this, Near: if I’m not satisfied with this arrangement after three months, I’m done.”
“I understand.” No emotion, not a hint. Mello turned to leave, and was almost out the door, when he heard Near mumble, “I look forward to working with you.”
He didn’t reply, brusquely heading to his bedroom, where he proceeded to punch the wall until his knuckles were bleeding.
The beginning was rough, there was no denying that. Tensions were high and Mello was determined to fight with Near about every little thing. But once everything was in order and Mello started traveling the world doing field work, things began to settle down. Thankfully, Matt had volunteered to act as a mediator between the two, so Mello wouldn’t have to interact that much with Near. Sometimes he wouldn’t see the other boy for weeks, maybe even a month or two, at a time; and the few times they communicated directly, it was either through a phone, computer screen, or email. The three months went by and nothing happened. Before Mello knew it, they were approaching the one-year anniversary of L’s death.
Bzzzt-Bzzzt. Bzzzt-Bzzzt.
A well-manicured hand emerged from under the covers, blindly searching for the owner’s phone.
Bzzzt-Bzzzt. Bzzzt-Bzz-
“Xin chào?”
“Mello, turn on the news.”
The bedspread was thrown off as the young man immediately sat up and flicked on the lamp on his nightstand.
“Don’t tell me Ngai made a move already! I thought they weren’t carrying out the plan until Friday!”
“It’s not about the Triad, Mello. Something’s happened in America. I’m sending you the details right now. It’s…it’s really bad.”
“Okay, let me find my laptop.” The blonde quickly pulled his computer from his suitcase, his cellphone positioned between his shoulder and ear. “Matt, what is going—JESUS CHRIST!”
The monitor was flooded with horrific images. Men, women, children, even unborn fetuses brutally cut out of the womb, all slaughtered in systematic killings. Their bodily fluids, mainly their blood, had been used as paint to write Latin phrases praising Satan on the walls, along with depictions of the Devil torturing the victims.
“I’m sorry, man. I should’ve given you more warning.”
“Who…” Mello growled, “Who the fuck did this?”
“Satanic cult called the Beatus Servas. Factions all across the U.S. killed ten families in one night.”
“When did this happen?”
“Last night. The first family was discovered about ten hours ago, then other reports started coming in throughout the day. Listen, I’ve never heard of these guys. Have you?”
“No. They must be new.”
“That’s what I thought, but apparently there was another group called the Beatus Servas that went on a killing spree back in nineteen ninety-six. They killed five families over five months in five different states. A majority of them were caught shortly after the fifth family in December nineteen ninety-six. I’d tell you more, but that’s all I know.”
“Are you shitting me?!” Mello roared, “How is that all you know?! Why aren’t there any police records?!”
“There are police records, but for some reason the U.S. government really doesn’t want to give them up, along with any press or media associated with the attacks. Anyway, Near wants you in New York a-sap.”
“Is he out of his fucking mind?! I am literally days away from catching one of the biggest weapon suppliers to the mother-fucking Triad! I’ve been working on this plan for nearly six months now! I can’t just drop everything right now!”
“He said he’d send someone to take over for you.”
“No! No way! I’ve been busting my ass on this case way too long to let someone else take over at the end!” Mello rubbed his fingers against his temple. “Look, just give me until Saturday and I’ve wrapped this thing up, then I’ll be on the first flight out of here.”
“I’m sorry, Mel, but Near wants you in New York now.”
“That prick isn’t the boss of me! In case he’s forgotten, this is a fucking partnership! I don’t give him orders, and he doesn’t give me orders!”
“Mello, listen, I think you should come.” Something in his friend’s tone made the blonde pause.
“Why?”
“It’s Near, there’s something…up with him. He hasn’t been sleeping or eating much lately; Hell, he hasn’t played with his toys in nearly a week.”
“That is weird, but that doesn’t explain why I should care.”
There was a sigh from the other end of the line.
“It’s starting to affect his work. He keeps making mistakes and passing out during conferences. The others and I have tried talking to him, but he won’t say anything. There’s a chance he might talk to you though.”
Mello rubbed a hand down his face and uttered a long groan.
“Okay, fine. I’m on my way. But if this new guy fucks up my operation, I’m wringing his neck.”
“Whatever, man.” Matt chuckled, “There’s a private jet waiting for you in Hanoi. I’ll send you more details as I get them.”
“Got it.”
“And Mello?”
“Yeah?”
“Thanks. Really, thank you. I know this is hard for you.”
“Appreciated.”
During his flight to New York, Mello poured over everything Matt sent him. It didn’t take him long to find patterns in the killings.
For starters, every family included a husband, wife, and a son ranging from ages six to ten years old with the name Nate, Nathan, or Nathanial as either a first or middle name. Second, the name ‘River’ was associated with the family in some way; five of the families had River as a surname, one of the fathers’ first name was River, two of the mothers’ first or middle name was River, and two of the sons had River as their first or middle name. But what disturbed Mello the most was the fact that all of the mothers killed had been in various stages of pregnancy, ranging from the first trimester to only a few weeks before the baby was due.
Bzzzt-Bzzzt.
“Got anything, Matt?”
“Yeah, four out of the five case files from the first spree, along with the records of all the original members of the Beatus Servas. I’m sending them now.” There was a pause as Matt took a drag on his cigarette. “And get this, the ringleader, one Samuel Arthur Johnson, was executed by the state of Illinois yesterday morning.”
“It’s a tribute to their fallen leader…”
“It gets better. Samuel had a son, Sam Jr. He was thirteen when his dad was arrested. Smart kid, top of all his classes, was accepted into Harvard at the age of sixteen, the list goes on. But, about three years ago, he just upped and vanished. No one’s been able to find him.”
“Great,” Mello muttered as he began skimming the new files. To his surprise, none of the victims from the previous killings had the same M.O. as the new ones. They seemed haphazard and almost sloppy in comparison. And none of the victims’ names had Nate, Nathan, Nathanial, or River in them. “What about the final family? Why can’t you find them?”
“For some reason the U.S. doesn’t have any records of the last family, and they have no idea where they are. Some of them didn’t even know there was a fifth family; they had only been told of the first four.”
“Seriously?”
“Yup.”
“Think this case can get any more bizarre?”
“Nope.”
Mello arrived at his and Near’s American headquarters about seven hours later. He was greeted by one of their agents.
“Welcome back, Mello.”
“Thanks, Hal.”
“Near wants to see you as soon as you’re finished settling in.”
“Screw that,” the blonde huffed, “I’ll just see him now.”
“I’ll let him know you’re coming.”
Mello made his way down the hallway toward the control room, the door opening for him as he approached and sliding shut once he was inside. Near was hunched over a desk with his back towards him.
“You wanted to see me?”
No answer.
“Near?”
Still nothing.
The blonde approached the younger boy and realized that he’d fallen asleep over a bunch of files. He nudged him a few times in an attempt to wake him, but it was no use. Near was out. With a sigh, Mello whipped out his cellphone to call Hal and have her put the twerp to bed, when he noticed certain words on the top sheet of papers Near was sleeping on; words such as ‘River’, ‘December’, ‘mutilated’, and ‘cult’. Carefully, Mello pulled the file out from under Near’s sleeping head. He internally cursed as a news-clipping slipped out and fell on the floor before he could catch it. Once he had the file, he picked it up and flipped it over, only to drop it again out of shock.
It was a grayscale photograph most likely cut from a newspaper. On it was a picture of a young boy covered in blood being loaded into an ambulance on a stretcher, a respirator attached to his face. The caption beneath it read, “Nate River, age six, being taken in for urgent medical attention shortly after the attack on his family by the group of Satanists known as the Beatus Servas, or Blessed Servants. Police were called after neighbors heard screaming from the River household. Nate’s condition is currently unknown.”
That face…It couldn’t be…
Mello’s thoughts were interrupted as Near suddenly shrieked and fell off the chair, forcing Mello to catch him.
“Shit!”
The two hit the floor with a thud, the younger thrashing in the elder’s arms.
“Stop! Please, stop!”
“Near! Near, it’s okay!”
The door flew open as Hal ran into the room.
“Mello, what’s wrong?! What happened to Near?!”
“He’s having a night terror!” Mello began rocking back and forth, trying to calm him down. “Near, wake up! You’re okay! Near!”
“Let me go…” Near’s cries had died down to faint whimpers. “Let me go…”
“No.”
Near soon woke up with a start, looking around frantically.
“What happened? Where-?” He stopped short when he realized he was sitting in Mello’s lap with his arms wrapped around him. “M-Mello?”
“You were having a nightmare.”
“Oh…” He saw the files strewn across the floor and fresh tears sprang into his eyes as he remembered. In that moment, Mello saw something break inside his rival. “D-damn it…” He buried his face in Mello’s shirt and began to weep. “Damn it!”
“Shhh…It’s okay, Near. It’s okay.” Mello looked at Hal as he began rubbing soothing circles into the boy’s back. “Which way to his bedroom?”
“This way.” Mello picked his partner up with ease and followed her to a plain white bedroom, where he sat Near on his bed before sitting next to him. “Anything else?”
“A glass of water. And cancel any shit Near had planned for at least the next couple hours.” Hal fetched the water without a word, placing it on Near’s nightstand. “Thank you. You can leave us alone now.”
“Very well. Call me if you need anything.”
“We will.”
With that, Hal left, closing the door behind her.
“Take deep breaths for me, okay Near? In through your nose, and out through your mouth.” Near did as instructed. “Again, but slower this time.” Near obeyed. “That’s better. You’re doing great.”
This went on for some time; Near crying himself out and Mello comforting him, until…
“Her name was going to be Ashley.”
“What?”
“My little sister…Her name was going to be Ashley Marie River.”
Mello didn’t say anything for a few seconds, then he gently gripped Near’s chin and tilted his head up.
“Near, look at me. Look at me.” Near resisted, shutting his eyes and trying to turn away.
“No…”
“Please?” It was a word Near had never heard come out of Mello’s mouth, and if he had, it wouldn’t have been directed towards him. Reluctantly, he decided to let Mello coax him into opening his eyes. “Near, listen to me. We are going to catch these bastards, understand?”
“Mello…”
“Do you understand?”
“Yes.”
“Good.”
For the first time in his life, Mello gave Near a genuine smile. It was kind and warm, and made Near feel something he hadn’t felt in a long time. He leaned into Mello’s shoulder, looking for more of that feeling.
“I’m tired, Mello…’m so…so tired.”
“Then go to sleep.” He felt a hand lightly ruffle his hair.
“Can’t…bad dreams…scared they’ll kill me like they-”
“Shh. No more of that.” The arm around Near’s shoulders tightened. “I’ll stay with you.”
“Promise?”
“I promise.”
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SUNSHINE IN YOUR SMILE 1
pairing: sugamon
genre: fluff, a japanese pinch of angst, summer school!au
word count: 1.7k
description: min yoongi gets to spend the coldest summer of his life in school, but maybe hot mess kim namjoon can warm him up.
note: this is my first time writing fanfiction, so please offer your suggestions !
| Part 1 |
Yoongi was sure it was going to be the bleakest summer of his life. First of all, the days had been maintaining depressingly lukewarm temperatures of no more than 21°C though it was now well into early July. In every other year, it would be hot enough to fry his dog on the asphalt by this time of year. But today, he was tugging on his thick, dark hoodie in order to stay alive on the frigid 6:30 AM bus that would bring him to class.
Min Yoongi, high school senior, resident rebel and misunderstood teen, was doing summer school.
✺
“Namjoonie! You’re taking this class too?”
The tall brunette turned to the desk behind him. “Hobi-hyung?”
When Namjoon applied for the thrilling college course of MAT 003A Analytic Geometry and Calculus I, he knew he'd be one of the youngest in class. Most incoming high school juniors were going on crazy trips, making the most out of their new licenses and last summer before college applications. However, Kim Namjoon believed that true enjoyment came from the refreshing experience of learning new . He was a first class dweeb, but at least he wasn’t alone.
“I didn’t expect you would take such an early class,” Namjoon said. Hoseok’s expression immediately dropped to one of mild disgust. Judging by his lazy black HBA sweatshirt and the thick knit headband keeping his messy faded orange hair off his face, he probably didn’t either.
“I know, right? But I’m teaching more classes at the dance studio since it’s summer. Gotta make it rain, ya feel?”
No, Namjoon did not feel, but he nodded anyway. “So, are you still doing only the class for little kids—”
He was cut off by a figure in black slamming a bag onto the desk next to Hoseok’s. It was a boy shorter than him, and thinner too, with a black cap pulled low on his forehead and a “fuck-off” expression on his face. He did not seem excited to be here.
Hobi, however, was elated. “Ah, Yoongi-hyung! To be honest, I didn’t think you’d show up.”
Yoongi sank heavily into his seat and shoved his face in his arms with a groan. “I didn’t think I’d come either,” he mumbled, “but I failed calculus last semester so I have to pass an accredited course to make it up.” Hoseok pat his friend on the back sympathetically and looked back at Namjoon, who’d been awkwardly regarding the interaction.
“Yoongi-hyung’s my best broski! He’s gonna be a senior,” the dancer explained. “He’s kinda really done with everyone’s shit, you know?”
“Ah,” Namjoon replied understandingly, though he did not know as he was barely a junior. He adjusted his fashionable Steven Spielberg glasses to subtly express his intellectual capacity. Perhaps this coming school year would cripple his spirit, and he’d be able to relate.
✺
“Oh sweet Jesus,” Hoseok yawned as the three exited the classroom at 11:20 AM sharp. “My stomach has been eating itself for the past hour. I’m gonna grab something from the snack shack. Do either of you want to come?”
“Nah, I’m okay,” replied Namjoon, taking out the honey chips he had so thoughtfully packed from his backpack. “I'm heading to the bus stop.”
“Me too,” muttered Yoongi incoherently, trudging alongside Namjoon. Upon discovering the first class would only be covering review from precalculus, the smaller boy had slept through the entire four hours and was currently still very groggy.
They made their way to the bus stop in silence. Namjoon had not touched another chip since they had split from Hobi, because he was very self-conscious of his crunching. Instead, he turned toward Yoongi and offered him the bag.
“Want some? They're really good.”
Yoongi glanced up at him, then took a chip.
“Thanks.”
“No problem, Yoongi-ssi.” Now that they were side-by-side, Namjoon could see that the senior was almost a full head shorter than him. He was so pale he sparkled a little in the sun, like a vampire from a poorly-written teen fiction novel. It was kinda cute, but his resting bitch face was intimidating.
They boarded the bus together and sat in the back.
“What stop do you get off?” asked Namjoon, attempting to fill the obvious void of silence between them. Hoseok had said Yoongi was his “best broski”, so the awkward junior felt obligated to attempt a friendship.
“In four stops. Key and Madison.”
“Ah, I’m only three away.”
There was no response from Yoongi. Namjoon was now very uncomfortable, so he said 'screw it’ to conversation and stared aimlessly out the window for the rest of his ride.
✺
“I want to gut myself alive.”
“I would feel bad for you,” Hoseok started, “but you did kind of ask for it. You probably shouldn't have slept through the week.”
“Don't fucking lecture me, kiddo,” snapped Yoongi. “How was I supposed to know our first test is this week?”
“You have the syllabus.”
“Well I lost it so fuck off.”
Hoseok did not seem particularly offended by the snarling. “He gets like this when he's stressed,” he explained to Namjoon. He turned back to Yoongi. “You should go to the tutoring center or something. They're open until 4 on school days.”
“I have to work until 4. There's no way I could get off early enough to get here in time.” Yoongi grabbed his backpack, ready to take off. “Whatever, it's just one quiz. It can't hurt my grade that much.”
“Maybe not, but it's a group grade. I don't want my grade to drop because your irresponsible ass decided to snooze through the last five lectures, and I'm sure Namjoonie feels the same.” Hoseok sighed. “Well, I can't help you either. I'm literally deceased after herding those hyper little kids in the toddler class.”
Namjoon cleared his throat. “I, uh, I could review with you. I don't really do much in the summer, so I'm free anytime. Maybe we could meet somewhere.” He suddenly felt incredibly embarrassed. Yoongi probably thought he was annoying for butting in. “I mean, only if you want to.”
Yoongi stared at him. The way Namjoon would glance down and puff his cheeks when he was nervous was kind of really adorable.
“Sure, kid. Is the café tomorrow at 6:30 okay? The one near here.”
“Sounds good.”
✺
When Namjoon stepped into The Grind, the hipster café home to the world’s first avocado and hemp cold brew, at 6:28 the following evening, he saw Yoongi was already at a booth. He was hunched over his laptop, looking swallowed up by his double layering of an embroidered satin bomber jacket over a black Stussy hoodie. His unruly black hair stuck out haphazardly under the hood and framed the matte horn-rimmed glasses he wore. Even from 20 feet away, Namjoon could see the life-repelling glare on his face.
Namjoon moved to sit across from him. “Uh, hey Yoongi-ssi,” he managed, heavily intimidated by the man's irritated expression. Yoongi glanced up from his computer.
“You’re friends with Hobi, right? Just call me hyung.” He closed his Macbook and set it to the side, against the dark, aesthetic planks on the wall. “What do you want to order? It’s on me.”
“No, it’s fine, I can—”
Yoongi cut him off. “I’m repaying you for tutoring me.”
Namjoon didn’t want to be annoying and push, so he let him pay for his disgustingly basic Caramel Ecstasy. He was flipping through the textbook when Yoongi shoved the drink at him.
“Don’t start. I’m not mentally prepared for this shit yet,” he muttered around the environmentally-friendly biodegradable paper straw of his own iced Americano. “Let’s just talk for a bit, ‘cause you and I both know this is awkward as fuck.“ He propped his chin up with one hand and stared across the rustic wooden table.
Namjoon panicked.
“Yeah, uh, I’m really bad at making small talk on the first date.” His face paled when he realized what he just said.
Yoongi narrowed his eyes. “Did you just call this a date?”
“Yes? No? I mean, technically yes, but I meant a date as in friends. A date between bros. A dude date, you know, it’s not like we’re gay or anything.”
When he noticed he was the loudest one in the room, Namjoon stopped and smiled through his cringe. He was seconds away from vomiting. That was the most mortifying spiel he had ever uttered and his chance to even befriend Yoongi was now probably in the negatives.
The tension had become unpleasantly obvious, and after a few seconds, Yoongi set his hand down.
“Well, I’m not gay. But I do like guys, so if you have a probl—”
Namjoon choked on his coffee, drawing attention to himself once again with his second shameful act of the day.
“NO! I’m perfectly fine with that, man. I’m friends with gay people. I love gay people. Sometimes, I even wanna be gay!“
By now, he wasn’t even trying to feel better. Within a little more than half an hour, Namjoon had managed to embarrass himself more than in the rest of his entire life. But Yoongi didn’t seem offended.
The brunette was snickering. “Alright kid, whatever you say. Let’s just get to the math now. You’re a hot mess.”
Not just a mess, but a hot mess? Was Yoongi hitting on him? Ignoring his flushed cheeks, the younger boy pushed his textbook to the center. “Okay, so I was thinking that we begin with chapter three, since that’s wh—”
“Are you gonna teach me upside down? I can’t read shit if you’re across from me.” Yoongi shoved his bag off the rest of his bench. “Sit here.”
Reluctantly, Namjoon moved over. This was not good for his soft 16-year old heart, which pumped a little faster when he realized this was the first time he was seeing Yoongi so closely. When he leaned over to check the boy’s work, Namjoon could smell a faint, minty trace of his shampoo and noticed the adorable, kittenish way Yoongi scrunched his nose when he was solving a tough question.
Under the warm glow from the café’s whimsical Edison bulbs, Namjoon, who sometimes wanted to be gay, fell a little bit in love.
#bts#suga#yoongi#yoongi fluff#suga fluff#rap monster#namjoon#rap monster fluff#namjoon fluff#sugamon#sugamon fluff#bts fluff#aesi#sunshine in your smile#jhope#hoseok#namgi#namgi fluff
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Flustered (part 3)
Pairing: Yugbam
Word count: 2.2k
Warnings: even more bad pickup lines, edgy art descriptions, awkward kissing, bts members
Fluster, verb. To make (someone) agitated or confused
Yugyeom, a quiet and shy library assistant, just wants to keep the peace. BamBam, a quirky design student, knows too many pickup lines. When they exchange numbers it feels like the world turned upside down.
based off this ask
part 1 part 2
for @cutepimook
Yugyeom stared into the void of his closet, unhappy with every imaginable combo that could come out of it. Since BamBam had essentially looked like a god at their last date, Yugyeom was taking it upon himself to not just wear a t-shirt and jeans.
He pulled out a blue turtleneck and matching blue trench coat that his brother's girlfriend had so kindly gifted him this past Christmas. They just didn't seem right though. He laid out another option: black button up, black jeans, and a tiger patterned bomber jacket. Nope. He looked over to his roommate who was boredly playing on his phone. "What do you wear on a date?" Yugyeom asked with a sigh.
"I'm calling the boys." Jungkook answered, hitting a few buttons on his phone.
"No you're not." Yugyeom didn't need more of Jungkook's friends involved. "Don't-"
Jungkook only sneered. "Yugyeom's having an outfit crisis." His smile grew. "Yes, that would be great." Within another two minutes Kim Namjoon, Park Jimin, and Kim Taehyung were waltzing into their tiny room. "Hey guys!"
"So where're we headed?" Namjoon questioned, sliding open the door of Yugyeom's closet. "Out with friends? Studying? A date?" He elbowed Yugyeom in the side.
Yugyeom grew red. "Yep! He's going out to the student art exhibit." Jungkook replied for him. Yugyeom was going to have to kill him later.
"Ah." Namjoon put his finger to his lips in thought. He bent his brows. "Oh! Here!" Within another five minutes, Yugyeom was admiring himself in the mirror.
"It's stunning."
"It's gorgeous."
"It's perfect."
"I'd fuck him."
"TAE!" They all gasped. The third oldest only shrugged.
"What?" He wasn't wrong. The turtleneck and leather jacket combo was, well, sexy, but managed to seem student art exhibit appropriate. Yugyeom found himself flaunting in the mirror. "See, he loves it." Taehyung argued, waving to Yugyeom.
"I do look good." Yugyeom said. "Really good."
At exactly 11:57, there was a knock at the door. Since it's nearly impossible to get Jungkook's friends out of their room, all four of them perked up in excitement. Yugyeom's heart rate picked up. Maybe it would be BamBam on the other side, three minutes early. Instead, a coffee-carrying, sweater-wearing Mingyu stood at the door. "Why are you all staring? Did I spill?"
"Nope, watched you walk all the way up the stairs." There was a familiar voice. Mingyu turned around, revealing a bomber jacket clad BamBam holding two cups of coffee. "Too bad I had the same idea."
"I thought you said no coffee." Yugyeom said, cursing the carrier.
"Don't worry, it's only tea!" BamBam reassured, selecting one of the pair and giving it to Yugyeom. "I wasn't sure what you liked, so I got my favorite citrus mint one." Yugyeom accepted it, the warmth spread from his hands to his heart. He took a sip. The chill of the mint layered just perfectly with tangy notes of lemon, totally reinventing what tea should be.
"Oh my god." Yugyeom exclaimed. "This-"
"Yeah. It's great. Since we're coffee free I decided that you *had* to try it." BamBam agreed, his head nodding as he took a sip of his own drink. "Also, you're a hot-tea."
Yugyeom spat his tea, misting himself with a good coating of the liquid. His cheeks were hot, not only because of the accident, but because the compliment was a cleverly constructed pun.
"That was cute." Jimin cooed. He was only two years older than Yugyeom but acted like he was ten years older. Only then did it occur to him that he and BamBam were standing in the hallway, being watched by a small collection of Yugyeom's friends. Jimin beamed at them from his front row spot.
Yugyeom rolled his eyes. "Let me, um, change."
They walked over to the arts building, and BamBam immediately began apologizing that they weren't headed to somewhere nicer. "We're both broke college students," He explained, "I spent nearly the last of my money on the tea that you so willingly shot out your nose."
"You just laid that pun and compliment down like it was nothing!" Yugyeom raised his arms in mock offense. "How was I supposed to react?"
"Definitely not by coating the Blue dorm's third floor in citrus mint tea." BamBam laughed. They stepped into the main arts hall, where the entire first floor was an exhibit of various student works. As long as you had a student ID and promised to write feedback on at least one piece, you could get in for free. It was enough for Yugyeom. They took their tickets from a girl with long, blue hair and a gentle smile.
"Here's your feedback slips! Just drop them in the box at the end." She instructed, handing them two small, neon green strips of paper.
They entered the exhibit and found that they were alone, save for a single professor. The man had his sleeves rolled all the way to his elbows, a five o'clock shadow, and a frown on his face. Clearly buried in thought, he jumped when he turned and saw Yugyeom and BamBam. "Oh, hi!" He shouted. "Would you two come over and look at this?" He gestured to a series of drawings. "I'm not sure what to think. My student did these drawings of his girlfriend while high and now everyone thinks he's the next Picasso."
A bird-woman with wings sprouting from her back and golden, windswept hair peered back at them. She became more whimsical and color soaked with each drawing. The second to last one depicted her as merely a blob of colors; the final one returned her to her true form: a girl in a blue sweater. "These are so pretty." BamBam commented. "It shows how warped our world can be with just one small change. Like, a total reality shift. Is what we see just an affect of the oxygen we breathe?"
How beautiful.
"Thanks. Name?" The professor asked.
"BamBam." He answered. "I'm a fashion design student. And this is Kim Yugyeom,"
"Dance major." Yugyeom said, filling in the blank.
The professor smiled. "I'll have your feedback strips waived then. Enjoy the art guys!" He walked off, fixing his hair in the process.
The two looked at each, back to the bird-woman, then at each other. "What was that?" Yugyeom asked.
"Bullshitting." BamBam answered. They both laughed at this, cackling until their lungs hurt.
"Shall we do more?" And for the rest of the afternoon, Yugyeom and BamBam practiced their most profound bullshitting. They turned vinyl food recreations into existential reflections on childhood and paint splattered canvases into the Mona Lisa. Then, a single painting of two guys holding hands caught Yugyeom off guard. "The Hold", as it was titled, totally stopped his snarky comments. It genuinely belonged in a museum.
The guys in the painting were made of carefully painted flowers. Blue bells made up one guy's shirt; their faces were sunflowers. Yugyeom instantly felt himself drowning in the painting. His eyes wanted to eat up every inch of it. "This," he started.
"I know." replied BamBam. They stood in complete silence for a moment. When Yugyeom looked back to see BamBam's reaction, he noticed BamBam's eyes weren't in the painting, but him.
Did Yugyeom have a stain somewhere? "What?"
"A complete masterpiece is looking at a painting."
Yugyeom's heart dissolved. The usual pick up lines were fine, but this one hit him like a punch. 3, 2, 1, knock out! Yugyeom was definitely down. "You-"
"Yes? I acknowledged how handsome and wonderful you are by comparing you to your new favorite painting?" BamBam asked, smiling. Yugyeom kinda wanted to punch and kinda wanted to kiss him.
"Did you take me here just so you could say that?"
"No, of course not." BamBam aggressively shook his head. "I definitely don't plan dates around what compliments I can give my boyfriends."
An alarm started going off in Yugyeom's head: HE SAID BOYFRIEND. HE SAID BOYFRIEND. HE SAID BOYFRIEND. HE SAID-
"I know I said boyfriend, it's probably a little early but,"
Yugyeom cut him off, "Yes!" He realized just how loudly he'd just shouted. "I mean, yes, I would totally be your boyfriend." He covered his face with both his hands, wanting to hide his embarrassment. His smile hurt.
"Great," BamBam laughed and Yugyeom realized how much he was in love with his laugh and the breathy, squeakiness of it and the way BamBam's face lit up and how his nose crinkled. They turned back to the painting and gasped at the same time.
"IT'S ON SALE!" They said simultaneously.
"How much ramen money can you sacrifice?" Yugyeom asked. It was only 25,000 won, but they were in a free exhibit for a reason.
BamBam shrugged. "Whatever it takes to get this." He pulled his wallet out and emptied it into his hand: 10,000 won and a couple of coins. Yugyeom did the same. Together they had 23,000 won and would go lunch less for a couple of weeks. When they went to the front to ask, the girl laughed and said the artist just wanted someone to take it. All in all, this date was a win.
As they walked back, they decided BamBam could have the painting on grounds of not having a single roommate to possibly ruin it. Departing at his dorm, BamBam hugged Yugyeom as tightly as he could. Yugyeom could feel his heart melting. The minute the hug broke, he missed it.
"See you!" BamBam shouted from the entrance door. "Text me, okay?"
"I will!" Yugyeom shouted back. "Bye, Bam!" He then returned his dorm, alone but not lonely.
Upon arrival, he was bombarded by questions from Jungkook and the boys (who, unfortunately, had stayed for the whole two hours Yugyeom was gone and left Cheeto dust on his comforter). "How was is Yugyeommie?"
"What did you do?"
"He's smiling guys! That has to mean something!"
"Look at his blush, isn't he cute?"
"How's BamBam?"
"Why didn't you tell us he was cute before he came up here?"
"Now he's really blushing guys!"
Yugyeom just laughed at their sudden interest. He sat on the edge of his bed (he was not getting Cheeto dust on his jacket. What heathens.) and shrugged. "I'm good, BamBam is good. We even got a painting for free."
"Any other details, Yugs?" Namjoon asked.
"He's-" Yugyeom's big smile was impeding his speech. "We are a couple now."
Jimin gasped. "No way!" And the questions kept rolling.
---
Unsure of ever getting himself to stop smiling like some idiot, Yugyeom knew he had to get BamBam back with at least one pick up line. There was only one other person as masterful at the art of cringe:
Jackson Wang.
Yugyeom began typing his message.
Yugyeom: Hey Jackson! So I need some help
Jackson: Ooooh~ With what?
Yugyeom: Remember that guy I told you about with the pickup lines?
Jackson: Mhm
Yugyeom: Well he's my boyfriend now and I NEED to get back at him with one. Do you have any ideas?
Jackson: I may have a few
For another whole hour, they debated the merits of puns, what topics would be appropriate, and if it should even be sexual. By the end, they had a masterpiece.
Jackson: It's beautiful
Yugyeom: What a work of art, thank you
He then switched over and texted BamBam.
Yugyeom: Hey, could we hang out at your dorm tomorrow?
BamBam: I'd love that!
Yugyeom: Great! Good night Bam!
BamBam: Good night Yugyeommie!
Yugyeom shut off his phone, completely content with what was to come. He fell asleep peacefully.
Yugyeom was freaking out. His hands were shaking, his heart was pounding, and he was sweating like it was the middle of July. He wasn't even sure he would have the guts to knock on BamBam's door. But then he was, his fist against a solid sheet of wood to the beat of his heart. BamBam opened the door.
"Oh hey Yugyeom! Jackson's here because he had a warning?"
Fifty hundred panic alarms went off in Yugyeom's head. They were telling him to turn around and run. He couldn't do this to BamBam; he couldn't say this pickup line without some mood.
There sat Jackson, a shit eating grin on his face. "Hey Yugyeom!" He cheered as a greeting.
"So I heard that there's a certain pickup line you want to tell me?" BamBam asked, an eyebrow raised in challenge.
That's when it clicked in Yugyeom's head. What he and Jackson had planned wasn't the perfect pickup line. Nope, there was something much better for BamBam. "Yes, actually." Yugyeom walked up and grabbed hold of BamBam's shirt, pulling his face closer and closer until their lips locked.
For a second, BamBam froze, shocked. His eyes asked fifty questions. Then he smiled, leaning into it, and pulled Yugyeom closer, accepting it. All Yugyeom could focus on was how soft BamBam's lips were and how he had no idea what he was doing and how- oh my god is that a tongue?
It wasn't very romantic to say the least. When Yugyeom couldn't breathe anymore and they knocked noses for the thousandth time, he pulled back. "Sorry, I didn't know what to-"
Arms still around Yugyeom's neck, BamBam met Yugyeom's eyes and smiled. "It was more than fine Yugyeom. I think we just need more practice."
Yep, Yugyeom's cheeks were red and hot. He was completely flustered, but it was fine.
A Message For June: And that’s the end!! I really hope you enjoyed and waiting the extra three weeks paid off (gosh I’m really sorry about the delay)! There’s potential for a part two?????????? I have so many things that I wrote for this that didn’t make it into my final drafts. ALSO this is the first fic i’ve ever completed and wow it’s nice. Anyway, please have a good night.
p.s. wanna collab on that markjin au by @/gotnsfw???? it’s just a thought
#ahh i hope you like it!!#yugbam#got7snet#got7network#got7maknaelinenet#bambam#yugyeom#got7#yugbam fic#flustered#i can't write kissing scenes so i purposefully made it awkward yay!!!!!!!!!!!!#heckkkkkk#also i included bts members but not mark???
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GB Academy (Act 1)
Golden Bomber Fanfiction.
Note: Please read beforehand!
This story is somewhat different from what I usually write and it's moreover something I swore myself to never do - set at a highschool xD Anyway, some of you might know about the Glamorous Butterfly campaign Golden Bomber is doing with Jex. It's more or less promoting sexual health and using condoms, whatever :D Now, during the last years the members of GB appeared at those events as their female alter-ego highschool students. This year, it was changed and they appear as their male alter ego highschool students.
I will put the link to the official website here, so you can check out their current versions, if you scroll down the page, you will also find some of photos of their female versions. If you don't know what I'm even talking about, just take a look at the website first, please xD
http://gb-lovekatsu.com/
Now, I saw some very cute fanarts and comic strips done by Japanese fans with the pairings used in this fanfic and I felt the need to write about it. I'm not sure if people even want to read about female characters and straight romance, but technically, all the characters are still Golden Bomber, so whatever. Just so you know beforehand and don't feel cheated xD
I think it should be obvious, but I'm putting down a list again, so you have an overview over the who's who :D Kiryuuin Shou - also: Shoko Kyan Yutaka - also: Yutako Utahiroba Jun - also: Junko sensei (school nurse) Darvish Kenji - also: Tarumi (It makes more sense in Japanese, haha)
I divided the story into 4 chapters and will post them all at once, I hope you will manage to navigate through it :D Each character gets 4 point-of-view parts; some of you might notice that I used the structure of Gay Drama as orientation.
If you are still up for reading this stupid stuff, go ahead and enjoy :D Otherwise, stay with me anyway, there will also be regular stories ... soon (^-^)
* * *
Her name was Shoko. She was 17 years old. Today, she was nervous to go to class, because of the text message she had received last night.
“So, what did it say?”, Yutako insisted. She was standing in front of her with her legs apart and arms akimbo.
Shoko had the feeling that her best friend never just asked for things. She insisted to know them. Everything about her voice and body posture was frightening. Shoko wished she had that kind of confidence.
Avoiding Yutako’s gaze, she looked down on her feet, dangling them in the air while sitting on the daybed. Actually, they weren’t supposed to stay at the infirmary, but the nurse had taken a likening to them and allowed them to keep her company before class or during lunch breaks.
“Nothing, really. He just wanted to know what we had to do for math class today.”
“Mmh.” Yutako gave a thoughtful hum. It was pretty obvious she wasn’t content with the answer, but then Yutako never seemed content with anything. Least of all, if it had been said or done by a man.
“Couldn’t he have asked one of his friends from the baseball team or something? Why message you?”
Shoko shrugged and felt her cheeks heating up. She knew what Yutako was implying, although she had tried hard not to think about it all night.
“He just seems to like our cute Shoko”, Tarumi chimed in and jumped onto the daybed next to Shoko. The bed gave a protesting squeak. Tarumi was always like that. Making fun of everything and joking about things that Shoko did not even dare to say out loud. Sometimes she got annoyed with her friend for that. Sometimes, Shoko wished she could be a little sillier herself. Life seemed easier that way.
“I don’t trust that guy!”, Yutako said.
Next to her, Tarumi suppressed a yawn. Shoko was tired, too. She had hardly slept at night. The handsomest guy in class had messaged her. Her, of all people.
“Don’t listen to her”, Tarumi said. “Yutako trusts no one. I think he seems to be a nice guy.”
“Don’t listen to her”, Yutako corrected. “Tarumi likes everyone. That guy is a troublemaker.”
“Aren’t you friends with him?”, Shoko asked, now looking up to scan for her friend’s expression.
Yutako let her arms drop to her side. She seemed softer as she turned her face away now.
“We’re not friends”, she said in a normal tone of voice. Compared to her usual way of speaking, she was almost whispering. “We just talk sometimes. I’m just annoyed with the way you act around him. You just blush and stammer >Kyan< and then you don’t get out another word. It’s embarrassing to watch.”
She was speaking harsher again.
Shoko felt herself blush once again. She hated how fast her cheeks coloured and how hot and uncomfortable she felt. It was true that she was making a fool of herself whenever Yutaka was around. But he was handsome and kind and charming and funny and she wasn’t used to get attention from a guy like him. Sure, for Yutako it was all different. She was self-confident and just approached the guys she liked. She had had many boyfriends already, although most of them had probably been scared into dating her. For Shoko, it was new and unfamiliar and she didn’t know what to do about it.
“I can’t help it”, Shoko defended herself weakly.
The clicking of heels announced Junko sensei coming over. She pulled the white curtain aside to give them a stern look.
“Strong, independent women like you shouldn’t chat about boys all the time. Your life doesn’t resolve around male attention”, she scolded them. She usually did it in a joking tone, but like she really meant it anyway.
Her hair was always on point, her skirt always a little too short and her heels always a little too high. She believed in hard work, good education and female independency – in mind and body. Shoko admired her immensely.
“She is right”, Shoko agreed, mostly to drive Yutako’s attention to something else. “Are you prepared for exams already?”
Tarumi gave a loud groan.
“I’m going to fail English class for sure. All those vocabularies and all the reading. Who has time to read that much?” She threw up her hands in despair.
Shoko chuckled. She had read the books on the table, but she didn’t feel confident enough to offer her help. With most text, she had not even understood half of it.
“You could ask Jun for help”, she suggested. “He’s the class representative and seems very reliable. Also, he’s pretty smart and reads a lot, right?”
“Ah, he’s cute, isn’t he?”, Tarumi sighed and picked up one of her long pigtails to play with it.
“See!”, Yutako shouted and pointed at Tarumi as if she was accusing her of a crime. “She likes everyone! You can’t trust her judgement at all!”
Shoko laughed. She couldn’t deny that Yutako was right. Tarumi changed her crushes quickly.
“Wouldn’t that be fun?”, Tarumi asked and put her arm around Shoko’s shoulder. “We could go on a double date, you, me, Jun and Yutaka. We’d go to karaoke and have dinner afterwards.”
“Oi, what about me?!”, Yutako shouted, shoving against Tarumi’s shoulder.
“Ah, I thought there is no one you like”, Shoko teased her friend. “Or is there?”
Yutako crossed the arms in front of her chest.
“The boys in our class are all stupid. They only care about baseball and touching your boobs. I don’t want to go out with any of them.”
“What about Kenji?”, Tarumi suggested. “The three of them are always together. It would be perfect, three of them, three of us. And Kenji is really handsome. Also, he seems very nice.”
“Tarumi!”, Yutako and Shoko exclaimed simultaneously.
Shoko burst out laughing while Yutako shook her head in annoyance.
Tarumi pulled her arm back from Shoko’s shoulder and shrugged.
“We’ll just hook them up once while we are dating Yutaka and Jun. I should really ask him to help me with English lessons.”
“You won’t be learning anything, if you are just swooning over him”, Shoko teased.
“Right?”, Tarumi agreed. “Maybe I should ask the little nerd instead. He looks smart.”
“It’s probably just the glasses”, Yutako said.
Shoko wanted to protest, but had to laugh instead.
“True, he can’t be that smart. I’m sure he doesn’t even know the differences between men and women”, Tarumi joked.
“You are being mean”, Shoko interrupted them half-heartedly. She didn’t like that mean streak in her friends. Their comments always made her laugh anyway, though. “I’m sure he knows the difference.”
“Yeah, he looks like he watches lot of porn”, Yutako said and gained another round of laughter with it.
“There is nothing wrong with young people watching porn to educate themselves”, Junko sensei interrupted them. Over the laughter, they hadn’t heard her heels this time.
“Sensei, I don’t think he is watching it for the educational effect”, Tarumi said and Shoko punched lightly against her arm to make her shut up. Her silliness sometimes resulted in not knowing when to better stay silent.
“You should be on your way to class anyway”, Junko sensei said.
Shoko checked her watch. She was right. Class was about to start in four minutes. But once she entered the classroom, she would have to see Yutaka. She didn’t know how to act around him. Was it any different, after they had chatted last night? Of course, it had only been a few messages about class, but still. Would he say something to her? Would she manage to reply?
Shoko winced.
“Come on”, Yutako said sternly and took hold of her hand to pull Shoko from the daybed. “No excuses. Just try not to faint when he looks at you, okay?”
Shoko allowed her friend to pull her towards the door. Her hand felt warm and soothing. Yutako wasn’t frightened of anything. By her side, Shoko usually felt a little bit braver. But when she thought of Yutaka’s face, her heart still picked up pace.
* * *
His name was Kyan Yutaka. He was 16 years old. Today, he didn’t feel like himself, because he couldn’t stop thinking of a girl at all.
Usually, the girls came and went for him. It was easy to charm and even easier to disappoint them. But this time, he felt like maybe he didn’t want to be a disappointment for once.
“You coming for baseball training today?”, Kenji asked.
“Sure”, Yutaka mumbled, his eyes still fixed on the door to the classroom.
She was late today. Four minutes, until class was supposed to start.
“I might be a little late today”, Kenji announced. “I had a pain in my ankle lately and wanted to drop by at the infirmary to have it checked.”
Now Yutaka did turn his gaze to look at Kenji shortly. Underneath the white paint he wore his usual, innocent smile.
“You should be careful not to hurt yourself too often”, he warned.
His best friend’s behaviour had started to worry him lately. Still, he couldn’t blame him for constantly making up excuses to go to the infirmary. The nurse was hot, especially in her short, black skirts. But sooner or later someone would notice and it would lead Kenji into trouble. Unfortunately, Yutaka was too busy with his own worries to really bother at the moment.
The door to the classroom swung open and there she was. Right behind her best friend, clinging to her hand tightly. She had the habit of hiding behind Yutako as if she was scared of the world. Or maybe it was Yutako, drowning out everything else. She was loud and pretty and very straight-forward. For a long time, Yutaka had only seen her, when he looked at the group.
But then he had noticed Shoko and he wondered how he could have overlooked her for so long. She was sweet and shy and a little clumsy. Her short black hair was cute and the way she blushed, the way she laughed when Tarumi was fooling around again noisily and the way she looked to the ground when she was feeling awkward. Yutaka wanted her to look at him and he wanted to hear what she had to say when no one else was around to interrupt her and he wanted to put his arm around her, so she would feel safe and look less scared.
Shoko looked up and noticed him staring. Instead of feeling caught, Yutaka took his change and gave her a wide grin.
Hesitantly, she smiled back, before she blushed again and walked over to her table.
“You are still chasing after Shoko?”, teased Jun, who had obviously caught Yutaka staring as well. “How come you haven’t asked her out yet? You usually don’t waste that much time.”
Yutaka shrugged, trying to look indifferent.
“You know it’s impossible to get her away from Yutako. That woman is scaring me to death. She’ll never let Shoko go out with me alone.”
Kenji snorted.
“Yeah, your only chance is a double date.”
“Why don’t you ask her out then? We could go together”, Yutaka suggested, trying not to sound too eager.
He wasn’t desperately in love with Shoko. He was Kyan Yutaka. Women were desperately in love with him. He was just curious, because Shoko was different from the girls he had dated so far. She didn’t open up to people easily. Getting her to like him was a real challenge.
“No way.” Kenji shook his head. “I’m scared of Yutako. Also, she would never agree to go out with me.”
“Yes, it’s a kind of Taming of The Screw situation”, Jun agreed.
“A what?”, Kenji asked, furrowing his brow. Yutaka didn’t have a clue either.
“Taming of The … We had to … for English class … never mind.” Jun sighed and shook his head.
“Then you ask her”, Yutaka suggested.
“She’d eat me alive before I could even ask”, Jun protested.
Yutaka looked over to the group again. This time, it was him who caught Shoko staring. A warm feeling drippled through his chest. She had been watching him. Obviously, his message last night had been a good idea.
He winked at her.
This time, Shoko gave an embarrassed grin, showing her uneven teeth. Even those were cute, Yutaka thought. She turned her head away again.
“Isn’t there any guy whom Yutako doesn’t hate?”, Yutaka asked, scanning the classroom again.
His eyes fell onto his direct neighbour. As always, he was sitting hunched over, a book in hands. Yutaka wasn’t sure if he was actually reading in those, or if he just carried them around to hide behind them, so he didn’t have to interact with the world.
“Hey, Shou”, he said and clapped him on the shoulder.
In spite of the warning, Shou flinched when Yutaka touched him. He turned around and straightened his glasses in a nervous gesture.
“What?”, he asked.
Yutaka didn’t understand why he sounded so suspicious. They weren’t close friends, but he sometimes hung out with them anyway. Although he usually seemed to prefer the company of books and video games to actual human begins, group projects didn’t do themselves and two or three times he had actually joined Yutaka, Kenji and Jun at karaoke. He was a surprisingly good singer.
“You and Yutako get along well, don’t you? I really want to go out with Shoko, but Yutako will never leave her alone with me, so I’m looking for someone to join us on a double date. She has a weakness for you, doesn’t she?”
Shou looked at him irritated.
“She doesn’t”, he said.
“Ah, but wasn’t there this thing in middle school?” Yutaka looked back to Kenji and Jun for support, who both nodded eagerly. “Yutako beat up those older kids who were bullying you, didn’t she?”
Shou shrugged. His whole body moved awkwardly with the simple motion. It seemed as if he didn’t have a single grain of grace inside of him. Yutaka pitied him somehow, but he could also understand why he had been bullied. Something in him seemed to call out for it, although it had grown better during the last years.
“She didn’t beat them up. She just punched that one guy. But not because she likes me. It was simply kindness.”
Yutaka gave a low hum and studied Shou again closely. The thought that pretty, lively Yutako would favour him, seemed not very likely indeed.
“Still, if you asked her out, she would probably say yes. Just out of pity.”
Shou furrowed his brow.
Yutaka wondered if he had said anything wrong. He hadn’t meant it in a hurtful way. He had just stated the obvious. Yutako was proud enough to turn down the captain of the baseball team and the class representative without batting an eye. But she wouldn’t be cruel enough to crush poor Shou’s already lacking self-confidence.
“I don’t want her to go out with me, because she pities me”, Shou said. “Anyway, what is this about, that you need someone for a double date? You should just ask Shoko to go out with you, instead of scheming something. She is an independent human being who can make her own decisions. To go out with her, you need no one’s approval but hers.”
For a moment, no one said a word. Then Yutaka, Kenji and Jun burst out laughing at once.
“Man”, Yutaka said, clapping Shou’s shoulder once more. “You really have no clue about women.”
* * *
Her name was Yutako. She was 16 years old. Today, she needed a smoke badly. She had been trying to quit lately, but she felt stressed and like she needed the relieve of nicotine urgently.
The door to the roof of the school stood ajar, although students weren’t supposed to come up here.
Shoko and Tarumi would be waiting for her at the infirmary, but she would be with them after just one cigarette.
She pulled the package out from the pocket of the grey sweater she wore over her school uniform. It was crumpled and only contained three last cigarettes.
“Fuck”, she swore, realizing she had forgotten her lighter.
“Need fire?”, a voice interrupted her.
Yutako turned around, not surprised to find her classmate leaning against the railing of the roof. Since the door had been open, she had assumed he would be up here. For a long time, it had been their secret meeting spot.
“Yeah”, she confirmed, trotting over.
She had to admit that she could understand Shoko’s crush on him all too well. Yutaka was handsome with his dark hair usually worn in a bun, so his pierced ears were exposed. He had a charming smile and radiated just the right mixture of danger and good humour. She hadn’t been indifferent to it herself, for a while.
“Haven’t seen you around here lately, sweetie”, Yutaka observed, holding up a green lighter with the picture of a cartoon character on it.
“Oi, gimme that, jerk”, Yutako said, extending her hand for the lighter.
Yutaka shook his head with a grin and waved her closer. She sighed, pretending to be annoyed, though she had to admit she missed flirting with him sometimes. Putting the cigarette between her lips, she leaned forward, allowing Yutaka to light it for her. He was standing very close and she was glad when she could finally step away again.
“So, what’s up? Have you been avoiding me?”, Yutaka joked.
“Nah”, Yutako said and inhaled gravely. “Shoko is being a pain in the ass, because she wants me to quit, so I thought I’d give it a try.” She blew out the smoke through her mouth.
“Well, if it was Shoko who asked me, I’d consider quitting, too”, Yutaka said. His front teeth were slightly crooked, but somehow that made his open smile even more charming.
“You should leave her alone”, Yutako scolded. Suddenly, Yutaka’s smile didn’t seem charming any longer. She was just annoyed with it.
“Be careful, cutie. People might think you are jealous”, Yutaka said.
Yutako snorted, looking out onto the schoolyard beneath them. It was a sunny day, but still kind of chilly. She liked the feeling of the sun on her face, though.
“She is just very shy and inexperienced. Someone needs to watch out for her”, she said.
She thought of Shoko. Of sweet, innocent Shoko, who had blushed this morning at the sheer mention of the word porn. A wave of affection rushed through her. She would not allow the world to break Shoko. She would not allow a lightheaded guy like Yutaka to hurt her. She would keep her save from reality. Yutako would stand between Shoko and the world forever.
“I still think I will ask her out on a date today”, Yutaka said, stubbing out his cigarette on top of the metal railing. The ashes remained, leaving a dirty stain.
Yutako felt angry. She didn’t understand why he had to provoke her like that. And she didn’t understand why the thought of Shoko going out with him upset her so much. It was impossible she was feeling jealous. She didn’t care for Yutaka at all, like she didn’t care for any guy lately. He was nice and funny, but in a way that was boring and predictable. It felt as if anything he had to say to her, she had heard a million times before already. Since a while, all the conversations with guys felt like that. They had nothing new to tell her, nothing was ever surprising or interesting about them.
“I’m not allowing that”, she said.
Yutaka threw back his head and laughed. His laughter sounded rehearsed.
“What are you laughing at?”, she inquired loudly.
Yutaka shook his head.
“You make it sound as if I was pure evil trying to spoil your dear friend.”
Yutako shrugged, slightly uncomfortable all of a sudden. She had nothing to justify her objections.
“Shoko is a good girl. She shouldn’t hang out with troublemakers like you.”
“A troublemaker?”, Yutaka repeated teasingly. “Some people say that about you, too, you know? Sneaking up to the roof to smoke, skipping classes.”
Yutako flicked her tongue. They had skipped classes together a couple of times. Everyone had gossiped how it was only a matter of time until they would hook up. For a while, Yutako had believed it was only a matter of time, too.
Maybe it was that. Even if she didn’t like Yutaka, they had a lot in common. Their temper was the same. It would make sense if he liked Yutako. But Shoko? What did he see in a shy girl like her? Was it that what guys wanted, in the end? Something Yutako could never live up to? A quiet, blushing girl who looked up to them like Shoko looked up to Yutaka?
She was jealous, Yutako realized, but it had nothing to do with Yutaka. It was a more general jealousy and the fear of being left behind. She liked the way it was. Her not being interested in anyone and Shoko by her side, looking up to her, holding her hand, not replacing her with some dude with a handsome smile. She didn’t want Shoko to become popular, because she didn’t know where that would leave her. She wouldn’t know which direction to head into, if Shoko wasn’t there to follow.
“Just leave her alone”, she repeated and stubbed out her cigarette on the railing just like Yutaka had done before.
“I will just ask her anyway”, Yutaka insisted. “Shoko is an independent human being who can make her own decisions. To go out with her, I need no one’s approval but hers.”
Surprised Yutako looked up. It wasn’t what she had expected him to say. It sounded more mature than something a guy from her class would say. It sounded like something Junko sensei would tell them, in one of her raging fits.
“Who said that?”, she asked.
“I say that”, Yutaka replied.
Yutako scanned him throughout. For the first time in a long while, she felt something like a spark of interest. Maybe she hadn’t given him enough credit. Maybe he wasn’t just a stupid, boring guy like all the others.
“I …”, she started, but was interrupted, when the door to the roof banged against the wall loudly.
“Yutako, I have been looking for you everywhere!”, Shoko shouted. “You promised to quit smoking. If Junko sensei finds out, she is going to be so mad.”
“Nah.” Yutako gave a dismissive wave with her entire arm. “I’ll just tell her it is my decision what to do with my body and then she’ll start lecturing us about a woman’s right in modern society until she has completely forgotten what we were talking about to begin with.”
Only now did Shoko’s eyes fall onto Yutaka standing next to her. It happened what was supposed to happen. Her eyes widened and her cheeks changed colour.
“Oh, hi, Ky … Kyan “, she stammered and turned her eyes to the ground.
Yutako groaned.
“Shoko”, Yutaka said, brushing back a lock of dark hair from his face. The gesture looked rehearsed, too. “Thanks again for helping me out yesterday. I would have been lost without you.”
“Sure.” Shoko nodded violently, addressing her answer to the ground instead of speaking to Yutaka’s face.
Yutako felt uncomfortable just watching her. She wanted to grab her shoulders and shake her. She wanted to tell her not to make it so easy for Yutaka. She wanted her best friend back, who seemed to vanish in Yutaka’s presence entirely and left behind only a hesitant smile and silence.
“I’m sure you would have survived. You never do math homework anyway”, Yutako said harshly.
It had been meant to discredit Yutaka, but he just laughed it off.
“That’s true, unfortunately”, he admitted. “But I’m trying to better myself, now that exams are drawing near.”
His eyes were fixed on Shoko.
Yutako wanted to jump in front of her and expend her arms to shield her. She wasn’t sure, though, if it was to protect Shoko from his gaze, or so that all eyes would be on herself.
“We should look for Tarumi, come on”, she said instead and took hold of Shoko’s arm.
She didn’t protest as Yutako led her over to the door.
“See you at class”, Yutaka shouted after them as if he needed to remind them that there was absolutely no way of avoiding him.
Yutako felt angry at his impudence and she felt angry at Shoko’s sheepishness. She was angry at herself, too, for letting it get to her so much. Nowadays, no one seemed to make any sense anymore.
* * *
His name was Darvish Kenji. He was 19 years old. Today, it was his ankle that troubled him.
“Sensei”, he called out from the door. “Do you have a moment?”
Junko swung around in her swivel chair. She sat with her long legs in the nylon tights crossed, giving him an intriguing look over her glasses. Kenji loved that look of hers. It was supposed to seem stern, but she could never hide the spark of humour behind her eyes, that told all too clearly, she was just making fun of him.
“So, Kenji, what is it today? Caught a cold? Broke a bone? A strange birthmark you need me to check?”
Kenji cursed himself inwardly for not having come up with the birthmark-trope himself. It would have given him the opportunity to show off the best parts of his body. Surely, Junko couldn’t remain indifferent to those.
“It’s my ankle”, he said and made a big show of limping over to the daybed. “It hurts when I tread.”
“Is that so”, Junko mused and pointed the black pen she was holding over to the bed. “Sit down and I’ll have a look at it.”
Kenji sat down, dangling his legs from the daybed and stripping off his shoes.
Junko got up from her desk and walked over to him.
Kenji couldn’t keep his eyes of her legs, when she moved. Everything about her motions was smooth. He loved the clicking of her heels, which made her legs look even better and the long strand of fair hair falling over her shoulder onto her white coat. He adored her full lips that always seemed to hold back a smirk and the smell of her sweet perfume.
Junko was different from the girls in his class. She was a woman.
Kenji couldn’t understand Yutaka’s excitement over shy Shoko, who seemed so uncomfortable with her own body. Even Yutako’s stubbornness reminded him only of a child stamping their foot.
What he was looking for was a mature woman, with a strong mind and the ability to use her body just the way she wanted to use it.
Every movement of Junko and every click of her heels hit the target like a deathly blow.
She pulled up another chair and sat down in front of Kenji. Almost playfully, she padded her knee. Kenji followed her silent request and put his foot onto it. He had decided, that it would be his right ankle hurting.
“What kind of pain is it?”, Junko asked, rolling up Kenji’s pants with practiced motions. His whole body turned hot when her fingers brushed against his bare calf. It was exciting to be this close to her.
“The horrible kind”, Kenji said. “Almost unbearable.”
Junko’s fingers felt his ankle now. Her grip was firm and sure. Kenji tried not to think of all the other things these hands could do to him.
“Is it sharp? Dull? More of a stinging? Or a nagging?” She was looking down on Kenji’s foot, not into his face.
“Sharp”, Kenji lied. “Piercing.”
“I see”, Junko said and looked up to him. Her gaze behind the glasses was less amused than usual. “Kenji? You are going to die.”
Kenji pulled back his foot from her grip and pressed his hand to his heart.
“Really, sensei?”, he asked. “Is it that severe?”
Junko pushed back her chair and nodded gravely.
“I’m sorry you to tell you this. It’s a very serious case of simulating. The chances for survival are zero.”
Kenji let his shoulders drop and watched Junko walk over to her desk again. From behind, he loved to see her walk even more. She bent over to note down something in his record. She kept it on her desk at all times. Kenji loved to see her bending over, too.
“I have to file in that you were here to have your ankle checked”, she said without turning around. Her voice was always even, a little sing-songing. “You’ve been here eleven times already this month. You should take care or there will be someone asking questions soon.”
“I just want to see you”, Kenji said. He cleared his throat, because he sounded hoarse all of a sudden. Junko knew how he felt about her. He had expressed it clearly time and time again.
Now she did turn around to him. She was smiling, but it was a distant smile.
“As much as I appreciate your company, Kenji, we should both know our place.”
“Sensei”, Kenji said, getting up and hastily slipping into his shoes again. “Junko”, he added.
“Ah”, Junko sighed and brushed back the single lock of hair over her shoulder.
Kenji stepped towards her, putting his hand onto her shoulder. Junko did not back off, but met his gaze evenly.
“I adore you, Junko”, he said. “I want you. I know you feel attracted to me, too. I can tell.”
Junko lowered her eyes now, but not to avoid his. She let them trail over his body throughout, before returning to his face again.
“You might be handsome”, she said. “But not irresistible. You are still a boy, Kenji.”
He pulled back his hand, suddenly feeling frustrated. It was true, that he loved that maturity about her, but it also meant he would never win an argument with her. It was impossible to surprise or trick her into a concession. She knew her stand all too well.
“Is that what you tell those girls constantly hanging out around you? I thought you teach them to be self-confident about the things they want. I want you.”
Junko turned her back towards him, sorting through the records on her desk. The gesture was entirely dismissive. She didn’t care about his arguments enough to even look at him. Kenji’s chest felt tight and painful.
“Of course, I support a mature approach to love and sexuality. But this is different.”
“How?”, Kenji asked. His voice sounded high and begging. He sounded like the boy Junko still saw in him. It made it all the more frustrating to know that she was partly right.
“If one of the girls told me they wanted to enter a healthy, sexual relationship with a boy their age, I would fully support them and tell them to stay safe. If they considered entering the same relationship with a 34-year-old man, I would find the guy and chop off his balls personally. That’s how it’s different.”
Kenji exhaled gravely.
“I know what I want”, he repeated.
Junko turned around again and waved at the door. Even the movement of her hands seemed elegant somehow.
“Right now, you should want to be at baseball training”, she said.
Kenji knew he had lost the argument. Once again.
* * *
His name was Utahiroba Jun. He was 16 years old. Today, he wanted to prove that he was a good class representative.
“Tarumi!”, he called out, hurrying through the corridor. He would be late for baseball training, but he was usually just spending it on the substitute’s bench anyway. Kenji and Yutaka were the stars of the team. Jun was just there.
The girl with the long, black pigtails turned around.
“Eh, Jun!”, she exclaimed, beaming at him. She had a cute smile, Jun thought. “What is it?”
“I heard that you have problems with the upcoming English exam”, he said, slightly out of breath from running after her.
Tarumi pulled at the retaining strap of her backpack. She made a face as if she wanted to break down in tears.
“Yes!”, she whined, still keeping on her silly expression. “I don’t understand a thing!”
“I could help you with learning, if you want to”, Jun offered. “I’m used to it. Kenji failed class two times already and he is still not doing his homework, so I’m used to helping out in the last minute.”
“That is so kind of you, Jun!” Tarumi was beaming again. She clapped her hands. Happiness seemed to radiate out from her. Jun wondered where that change had come from so suddenly.
“It’s not a problem, really”, he said. “I’m the class representative after all. It’s my duty to help everyone as best as I can.”
“You are so responsible, it’s amazing”, Tarumi mused cheerfully. “I wish I was more like that. I wouldn’t have troubles studying last minute so much then.”
Jun smiled at her. He didn’t really know how to act around her. Tarumi was cute and so full of energy. He wasn’t good with women like Yutaka was good with women. He never found the right words.
“So, just write to me, when you are free. We can meet on the weekend to study together”, he offered.
“Yes”, Tarumi said and flexed her knees a little, so that Jun was afraid she would just jump of the floor any moment.
“But”, she added as if on second thought. “Who told you I needed help anyway?”
“It was Shoko”, Jun said. “She suggested I’d offer my help.”
Suggesting was a nice word of putting it. If Jun was being honest, he didn’t just offer his help, because it was his duty as a class representative. In fact, it wasn’t his duty at all.
He himself would probably have been too hesitant to approach Tarumi like this, but Shoko had not given him much of a choice. She had just told him in this calm voice of hers and then smiled at him.
Jun seriously wondered why his friends called Yutako scary and Shoko sweet. Shoko had a calm aura around her, that didn’t come from being shy, but from absolute determination. She knew what she wanted and she would not change her mind about it. Sure, if you crossed Yutako, she would scream at you no matter who was watching. But an hour later she would joke around with you again as if nothing had happened. If you crossed Shoko, she would smile at you innocently and tell you it was fine. But at night, she would creep in through your window and cut your throat. Jun was sure of that.
Neither of them was anything like Tarumi, who switched from utter despair to bright happiness like a hyperactive bouncy ball. Everything she felt, she carried directly to the outside without any filtering. There was nothing dishonest or insincere about her. Jun thought, it was a great quality in a person.
“That was very nice of her. She’s such a good friend”, Tarumi said.
“Apparently”, Jun replied warily. He didn’t know how to continue the conversation.
“You have baseball training now, don’t you?”, Tarumi went on.
She still sounded happy and cheerful. Obviously, she hadn’t noticed the short pause in their conversation. Other than Jun, she didn’t seem anxious at all. Jun was good at feeling anxious. Tarumi had called him responsible, but truth was rather, that Jun was pretty tense. He didn’t know how to play baseball or how to chat with pretty girls. But he knew how to organize schedules and read books. He usually stuck to the things he was good at.
“Yes, I’m running late already.”
“I can walk you to the court”, Tarumi offered.
“Thank you”, Jun mumbled, because once again he didn’t know what else to say. He directed his steps towards the staircase, Tarumi walking next to him. Her steps were bouncing indeed.
“So, you really like books and things, don’t you?”, she asked.
Jun wasn’t sure what other things she might be referring to, but then probably Tarumi didn’t know either.
“Yeah”, he just said and after a short pause added. “And you don’t?” It was a stupid question and a stupid way to keep the conversation going – Jun was painfully aware of that. Luckily, Tarumi seemed indifferent to it.
“No, I absolutely don’t. But I do like baseball”, she said.
Jun pushed open the doors that led them out onto the schoolyard with a sigh.
“Then there are already two things we don’t have in common.”
Tarumi laughed out loud.
“But you are on the baseball team!”, she protested.
“Only because Kenji and Yutaka made me join them. Kenji is the captain, so he let me in on the team without any qualification.”
“I’m sure that is not true”, Tarumi said, playing with one of her pigtails as they walked over to the court. “You are qualified for sure.”
“Yes”, Jun said dryly. “No one sits at the side-lines like I do.”
Tarumi laughed again. Jun was surprised at how easy it was to make her laugh. He had never managed to make girls laugh – at least not on purpose.
“I still think you look pretty cool, sitting at the side-lines”, Tarumi said lightly.
Jun’s throat felt dry. He didn’t know what to say. Tarumi thought he was cool? Really? It seemed like a mistake to him.
“Anyway, I have to go now. Yutako and Shoko are waiting for me, we wanted to do our homework together today. But I guess Shoko just wants to make sure we really do it. I’m looking forward to the weekend!”
With that Tarumi turned around and just dashed off. She seemed like a very happy tornado to him. Jun was looking forward to the weekend, too.
* * *
“Mmh, I don’t know”, Shoko said. She was lying on Yutako’s bed, hanging her head down the side, so she felt the blood rushing into it. “Gackt, maybe?”
“Ew”, Yutako protested, throwing a pillow at her from the other end of the bed. “You are gross.”
Shoko shrugged. It felt weird, upside down like that.
“I really like him”, she defended herself. “I’ll become friends with him, once I’m a celebrity myself.”
“And what do you want to become famous as?”, Yutako asked. Shoko couldn’t see her face, but she used her joking tone of voice. “Idol in a girl group? Top model? Porn actress?”
Shoko shot up into a sitting position. There was still too much blood in her head and she felt dizzy.
“Comedian!”, she exclaimed and made a face at Yutako that made her friend burst out laughing indeed. “See, I’m funny.”
“You are stupid”, Yutako correct her. “I myself will become a famous baseball star. Or join a rock band. Or become an astronaut. I haven’t decided yet.”
Shoko laughed.
“Very feminine jobs, as expected of you”, she pointed out.
Yutako waved it off.
“Gender norms won’t be a problem for us. Until then, Junko sensei will have torn down the patriarchy with her own two hands.”
Shoko chuckled and laid down on her back in a more relaxed position.
“I really admire her a lot”, she said. “Being a nurse like her would be amazing, too.”
“Yeah, she really changed my opinion on a lot of things”, Yutako admitted. She sounded more serious than she usually did. “I’m not saying that I thought guys were awesome before, but … Suddenly it feels like it’s not enough.”
Her tone of voice told Shoko that her friend was telling her something important, something that had been on her mind for a long time already. But Shoko didn’t really understand it nonetheless. When she thought of Yutaka, his smile was more than enough to her.
“You don’t have to be content”, she said vaguely. “That is what Junko sensei is telling us. Don’t just settle for something, but figure out what you really want.”
“I’m still figuring”, Yutako sighed.
“Junko sensei also said it’s okay to try out new things, if the old ones don’t make you happy”, Shoko said.
“Oi!”, Yutako shouted. “Are you flirting with me, Shoko?”
Shoko raised her head to wink at her best friend meaningful, before dropping back into the sheets.
“You little slut”, Yutako said and laughed. With her the jokes were always easy. Shoko wished she could be like that when talking to Yutaka. That she wouldn’t blush and stutter. That her chest wouldn’t feel so tight and her knees not so weak. That she could be herself around him, too.
Yutako shuffled over to lay down next to Shoko. Her body so close was warm and familiar. Shoko could smell the sweet chemistry of her hair-products.
“Are you judging me for liking Yutaka?”, Shoko asked. “Do you think I should be more independent and not fall for him, because he is just another one of those immature idiots?”
Yutako sighed. She was smelling a little of smoke, too. A sharp pain went to Shoko’s chest. She had been up on the roof with Yutaka today. She didn’t want to feel jealous, but she did. She felt jealous it was so easy for Yutako to talk to him. She had heard the rumours about them, too, although her friend had always denied the gossip.
“I’m not judging you”, Yutako said surprisingly gentle. She reached out and pushed back Shoko’s hair, playing with one of the short strands. Although she couldn’t really feel the touch, Shoko liked the intimacy of it. “I’m just scared you’ll leave me behind. You’ll be lovey-dovey with him and I’ll be all alone.”
“You’ll still have Tarumi”, Shoko offered and Yutako let go of her hair. She groaned.
“I will go crazy. Let’s be real, Tarumi is not the brightest one. And when she just keeps on chatting about her crushes that change every other week, I’ll choke her to death. And you won’t even be there to visit me in prison.”
Shoko chuckled and picked up one of Yutako’s hair-strands herself now, swirling it around between her fingers.
“I will visit you”, she promised. “I mean, at least on the days when Yutaka is busy.”
“What is that supposed to mean?!”, Yutako exclaimed and pinched Shoko’s upper arm.
In reflex Shoko reached up to cover the place with her hand.
“Ouch!”, she said. Yutako looked at least slightly sorry.
Shoko lowered her hand again, placing it over Yutako’s breastbone instead.
“I promise, you will always be my second choice”, she whispered.
Yutako burst out laughing and rolled over to get on top of Shoko.
“Hey, stop that”, Shoko protested with a squeal, buried beneath her friend. She floundered with her legs to free herself, but Yutako had her arms around her, pressing Shoko to the bed with her full weight. Against her will, Shoko sensed her cheeks heating up again.
“Oh, you are so cute”, Yutako called out, noticing the blush. “I can see now what Yutaka likes in you.”
She pressed down her lips on Shoko’s for a short kiss.
“Don’t just do that”, Shoko complained as she pulled back. Licking her lips, she could taste Yutako’s lip gloss on them.
“Ah, I’m sure Yutaka would do even more to you. He’s a devil”, Yutako joked and placed more kisses on Shoko’s cheek.
Shoko hated it when her friend attacked her like that, but at the same time it was those random outbursts that she loved Yutako for. She felt embarrassed, but in a happy way. She still felt awkward, not being able to express her feelings as openly as Yutako did, not feeling as self-confident as her. But with Yutako, it also felt like it was alright to be that way, like it was safe with her. Sometimes Shoko wondered if that wasn’t what it was supposed to feel like and that thought was pretty confusing and made her blush even harder in her friend’s embrace.
Finally, Yutako stopped her attack, burying her face against Shoko’s neck instead. Shoko reached up and wrapped her arms around Yutako’s waist. Even through the thick sweater she could feel the outlines of her thin body clearly that way. She felt warm and soft and smelled very sweet.
Hugging her like that, Shoko felt protected and fearless. With Yutako’s arms around her, the world wasn’t frightening at all.
“I will never leave you behind”, she said quietly, because it was always easier when she couldn’t see her face. “I need you.”
“I need you, too, Shoko”, Yutako whispered back somewhere against her neck. Her breath tingled against Shoko’s skin.
“Will you let go of me now, though?”, Shoko asked after a short pause.
“No, I’ll stay here forever”, Yutako said. “I’m the ultimate cock-blocker. Get past this, Yutaka!”
Shoko laughed. The heaving of her chest was muffled by Yutako’s weight.
“Okay, but …”
The door flew open. A cold rush of air flooded in.
“You will never believe what just happened! Jun asked me out on a date!”, Tarumi shouted and Yutako sat up, rolling her eyes at Shoko before she climbed down from her.
Shoko tried not to grin at her annoyance.
“Oh, did he?”, she asked innocently.
“Yes”, Tarumi confirmed, closing the door behind herself again and sitting down cross-legged on the floor in front of the bed. “He offered to study with me for the English exam.”
“That is not a date then”, Yutako said dryly. She didn’t seem happy about the interruption at all. “That’s a lost cause.”
Shoko shoved against her shoulder to stop her sarcasm.
“That’s so exciting”, she said. She wasn’t happy about the interruption either. Lately, things between her and Yutako had been difficult at times. They had needed a moment of truth to clear the air. She was glad about the interruption as well, though. So clear, the air had felt almost strange.
* * *
Her name was Tarumi. She was 17 years old. Today, she had decided that she was in love, probably.
From her seat she eyed Jun. She liked his purple hair a lot. He was sitting with Kenji and Yutaka, chatting away. Lunch break had already started, but no one had bothered to leave the classroom yet. Kenji and Yutaka were handsome, too. Tarumi had liked both of them for a while, like she had liked pretty much every guy in class for a while. But Jun was different. He was a little tense around her. Somehow, that was nice. And he wanted to meet her on the weekend. For studying, but nonetheless. They would see about how much studying they would get done.
“I told you he messaged me. After class”, Shoko said.
Tarumi returned her attention to her friends, after she hadn’t been listening to them for a while. She had expected they would head straight to the infirmary once the bell rung for the break. Tarumi was glad Junko sensei allowed them to spend their time there. She was the most impressive woman Tarumi had ever met.
But today, Shoko and Yutako made no move to leave the classroom. They were arguing.
“And you just agreed?”, Yutako asked.
There was always something frightening about her inquiries. Her voice usually sounded angry. The tone she used now was different, though. There was always humour behind her anger; a hidden laugh that might break through her shouts any time. Now, she sounded different, like she was fighting down something with her anger that wasn’t laughter for a change.
“It’s just a date”, Shoko replied. “There is nothing wrong with it.”
Hearing her talk that determined was rare, too. Tarumi had the feeling there was something going on between her friends, that she couldn’t quite grasp.
She looked over to the boys again.
Thinking about Jun seemed a lot easier than understanding Shoko and Yutako. Beneath Shoko’s shy smile and Yutako’s loud voice there always seemed to lurk something else. Feelings that weren’t voiced but that still controlled their actions. Tarumi had never been like that. She usually spoke her mind freely. It made things a lot easier.
Right now, she was pretty sure that Shoko and Yutako weren’t really arguing about the date with Yutaka on the weekend.
“I think it’s nice he asked her out. He’s cute”, she jumped in to help Shoko.
Both of them gave her a stern look that signalled clearly for her to stay out of it.
“I can’t believe you are so easy. The first handsome guy who asks you out and you are head over heels for him already”, Yutako said.
Shoko crossed the arms in front of her chest. She was still calm, but knowing her, Tarumi could tell she was angry. Yutako had hit her below the belt. Tarumi could feel her all too well. Yutako was used to the attention from guys. She didn’t understand how nice a little attention could feel sometimes. Tarumi had been able to tell by her facial expression when she talked about Jun. She was reminding Shoko of the fact that she wasn’t popular.
“I liked Yutaka before already”, Shoko confessed, her voice still quiet and even. “I’m happy he finally noticed me.”
Yutako snorted, slapping her hand flatly onto the table.
“You never even told me you liked him.”
“I couldn’t tell you”, Shoko said. Tarumi hoped she would shut up, but she could tell by the look in her eyes that she wouldn’t. She was furious. Tarumi knew what she was going to say. “Not with the way it was between you and Yutaka.”
For the first time in her life did Tarumi see Yutako speechless. There was no anger on her face and no smile. For a moment, her face was entirely expressionless as if she was so baffled, she couldn’t even decide what to feel.
“There was nothing between me and Yutaka. I told you time and time again”, she finally said.
Tarumi knew that Shoko hadn’t believed her, because she hadn’t, either.
Shoko leaned back on her chair. Tarumi wanted to say something, but she had no words to mediate.
She looked at Yutako’s face and the expression on it worried her. If she looked really closely, she could see Yutako’s lower lip trembling slightly.
“I thought at least you believed me”, Yutako said. She looked small all of her sudden.
“I know how you are with guys”, Shoko said coldly.
Yutako pushed back her chair and jumped up. She was staring down on Shoko, but it was hard to tell if she was angry or shocked.
Shoko had crossed a line. She had done the one thing a friend was not allowed to do. She had judged her.
Tarumi expected her to say something, to deliver a last blow. Yutako always had plenty of words to fire. But instead she just turned around and stormed out of the classroom. Tarumi knew why she had wanted to get away so fast. She had seen the glistening in her eyes.
“That wasn’t very nice of you”, Tarumi said.
Shoko looked straight ahead to the empty seat where Yutako had been sitting just now. Her arms were still crossed in front of her chest. She was still angry.
“She wasn’t very nice, either”, she said.
Tarumi looked over to the door. She wondered if they should go after Yutako. But then she probably needed time to calm down. Shoko needed time, too.
“You should apologize”, she added.
Shoko nodded.
Yutako didn’t understand what it meant to long for someone. She never took the time to find out. But it wasn’t her fault. Lately, she didn’t seem very happy, either.
“Maybe it was a mistake to agree to the date”, Shoko said.
“It wasn’t”, Tarumi said. Maybe Shoko felt guilty towards Yutako, or maybe she thought her friend was right and Yutaka was a bad choice. But Tarumi was certain that Shoko had a right to make her own decision on that.
“We should go look for her”, Shoko finally said with a deep breath. “You check the roof. I go to the infirmary.”
“Alright”, Tarumi agreed.
She looked over to the table where Jun had sat with his friends before. They had left the classroom already.
She hated it when her friends fought.
* * *
His name was Kiryuuin Shou. He was 17 years old. Today – like any other day – he was hiding in the library.
He didn’t hide from his classmates, because he wasn’t able to deal with them. He just preferred not to. With some good friends, life might have been easier for him. But he was fine with just getting along well with everyone without any deeper involvement. The daily conversations wore him out and nothing the others guys had to say seemed interesting enough to redeem the effort.
His female classmates wouldn’t have paid attention to him, even if he tried.
Shou stared at the letters in front of him. It was always silent in the library, even during the lunch breaks. Usually, no one else bothered to come here.
Today, something was different, though. Someone had bothered.
Shou could hear their steps somewhere behind the next shelf. He heard sniffling, too. Someone disturbed his peace with their crying. Shou didn’t like that development at all. Dealing with people’s emotions wasn’t his strong point. Crying usually meant a lot of emotions. Shou didn’t want any of those near him.
The steps came closer.
He looked up.
A female individual had stepped into his aisle.
That wasn’t good.
Shou didn’t know how to talk to women. Least of all when they were crying.
Moreover, it was a certain woman this time.
He would have known the long hair everywhere, the grey sweater and the skirt that for some reason was the shortest in class. Shou did his best not to stare at Yutako’s legs, covered by white leg warmers mostly – but not entirely. Just looking at her bare thighs made Shou’s face change colour.
He didn’t have a crush on Yutako, because he didn’t allow himself to have crushes on anyone. Crushes were for guys who were playing baseball – those guys who actually had dates. Shou wasn’t allowed to even get his hopes up.
If he had gotten his hopes up for anyone, it would have been Yutako, though.
She hadn’t turned her head, so she had not spotted Shou yet.
As quietly as possible, he grabbed for his bag on the floor.
She would never forgive him, if she realized he had seen her crying. Yutako wasn’t the kind of person who allowed others to see her being weak.
She turned her head.
Shou tried to make himself as small as possible behind the table.
It did not help.
She had seen him.
Whipping her face with the end of her sleeve, she came towards him, grabbing a chair and sitting down in front of him without any introduction.
Shou stared at her.
He couldn’t recall the last time he had been this close to her. Up close, her face was even more beautiful. She had large eyes and gorgeous lips.
Shou remembered the time she had punched that guy in middle school. Yutaka had thought it had something to do with her liking Shou, but he himself had never had any illusion about that incident. She just had a lot of passion in her and strong opinions. She would not stand by when someone was being bullied, no matter who that was. Shou liked her for saving him back then. Not because she had helped him personally, but because she was the kind of person who did stand up for others. Shou wished he would be able to even stand up for himself.
“I wasn’t crying”, Yutako said harshly. “I had something in my eye.”
Shou nodded, as if that was a perfectly normal way to start a conversation.
“It happens to me, too”, he said. “It’s dusty in here.”
Yutako stared at the book in his hands as if it had personally offended her.
“Why do you always sit here alone?”, she asked.
Her voice suggested that it wasn’t a question but an inquisition.
“I don’t really like talking to people much”, Shou said honestly.
Yutako sighed and leaned back on her chair. There wasn’t a hint on her face or in her posture that showed how vulnerable she had been only moments ago.
“I don’t like that much, either”, she admitted.
Shou snorted. He just couldn’t help it.
Yutako raised her eyebrows at him. She seemed annoyed with his reaction.
“What? You don’t believe me?”, she inquired.
Apologetic Shou shrugged. He hadn’t meant to offend her. The thought of Yutako understanding how he felt just seemed absurd to him. Yutako, of all the people.
“It’s just that you are popular. Everyone likes you.”
Yutako shook her head violently. The braids on top of her hair bounced up and down.
“Everyone calls me scary. That’s not the same as being popular”, she said.
Shou looked at his book and then into her face again. It wasn’t easy to do that. Being that close to her was still frightening and her challenging look did not help to make him feel at ease.
When they were still younger, they used to chat more often. But as they grew older and everything was about dating suddenly, Yutako had just turned to the popular guys. She had been close with Yutaka for a while. Shou wondered if that idiot even had anything interesting to say to her. But it didn’t matter. He had a handsome face and Shou did not.
“You are scary”, he said. “I mean, I’m scared of you. I’m scared to death right now. But that doesn’t mean much. I’m scared of all pretty women.”
Yutako’s gaze went from slightly annoyed to furiously piercing immediately. Shou realized what he had done wrong instantly.
“Also, women who are not pretty”, he corrected himself. “All sorts of women, basically. It wasn’t a compliment, I swear.”
The scorn vanished from Yutako’s face. She was smiling even.
“No compliment taken”, she said and nodded towards the book. Her voice was softer now than usual, less aggressive. “So, you are really reading all those books?”
“Nah, I just use them to hide my porn magazines in them”, Shou said.
Yutako chuckled. It was such a sweet sound, Shou couldn’t believe he was the one who had caused it.
She was looking at him more curiously now, as if suddenly she saw something she had overlooked so far. Shou felt uncomfortable, because he was all too aware that he had nothing interesting to offer for her to notice.
“You are funny”, Yutako finally observed.
Shou bit his lower lip.
“I had the choice between becoming very handsome or incredible funny. And I thought: Let’s go for funny, that will surely get you the girls”, he said sarcastically.
This time, Yutako laughed out for real. Her face lit up when she laughed like that, with those eyes and that smile and teeth. Shou stared at her in awe.
“Here”, he added hastily, hoping she would stay with him a little longer. He pushed the book over to her, exposing the manga that he was hiding inside.
Yutako bend forward to look at it and then raised her eyes at him in surprise. She really did look curious, now.
“You are not reading books!”, she exclaimed. “You are just reading manga the whole time?”
“Yeah”, Shou admitted with a weak grin. “Books are so long and there is so much text in them. But it makes you look smart and people are less likely to disturb you. They are scared you might talk to them intellectually.”
Yutako laughed once more.
“I love reading manga, too”, she said.
Shou eyed her critically. He didn’t want to come off as rude, but he didn’t think much of woman who just read stupid romance manga all the time. In the end, it was all about handsome guys again as if that was all they could think about.
“I have a huge collection of comedy manga. I know most people think those are for children, but I swear, I just can’t stop buying them!”
“Really?” Now it was Shou who looked at Yutako with new curiosity. He had thought her to be like everyone else, but then again there probably wasn’t such a thing as everyone.
“Absolutely”, she confirmed. “I can borrow you some. Better than talking to people, right?”
Shou nodded hesitantly. He couldn’t quite believe that she would ever talk to him again after today, but it was nice she was trying. It wasn’t her fault she would probably forget about his existence as soon as he was out of her sight. They just lived in different worlds entirely.
“Right”, he said. There was a small pause.
“Can I … What were you so upset about, when you came in?”, he finally asked. He wasn’t sure if it was alright to ask, but he assumed she needed someone to talk to. Probably, she would not tell him anyway.
Yutako shrugged. It looked funny in her big sweater, he noted.
“I had a fight with Shoko, that’s all.”
Shou felt his spirits sinking instantly. Of course, it was probably about that guy Yutaka. He had had his eyes on Shoko lately and everyone knew the rumours about him and Yutako. Naturally, he was the type she would like. He was the type that all the girls liked.
“What do you think of Yutaka?”, Yutako asked as if she had read his thoughts.
“He’s an idiot”, Shou said, before he could think better of it. He was an idiot for stealing Yutako’s attention away, although he was boring and immature and probably didn’t care for her favourite sort of manga at all.
“Right?”, Yutako said. She blew out a strand of hair from her face. “I’ve been telling Shoko again and again, but she won’t listen.”
Shou realized he had misinterpreted the situation.
“He’s not a bad guy, though”, he added.
Even if personally, he didn’t like Yutaka much, he had never been unfriendly towards him and it was obvious that his intentions with Shoko were sincere.
Yutako sighed, putting her elbow on the table and her chin onto her closed fist.
“I know”, she admitted.
Shou studied her face closely. It wasn’t easy to find the right words, not knowing the full situation. But he knew he was supposed to say something.
“Just because you feel that way, doesn’t mean it must be the same for Shoko”, he said carefully, waiting for Yutako to explode on him. Instead she looked at him attentively as if she really cared for what he had to say.
“You always seem to be very sure of your opinions. That can make it frightening to admit insecurities to you”, he carried on.
He didn’t know Shoko all that well, but he was sure that in her position, he would have been scared to speak to Yutako openly about liking someone she did not approve of. He almost pitied Shoko. Having a best friend like that couldn’t be easy. There was always a lot of pressure about everything.
“You think I should apologize?”, Yutako made sure.
Shou turned down his eyes, because meeting her gaze for too long was irritating and he felt himself starting to blush.
“Not everyone is as self-confident as you”, he said. “She probably needs your support, even if you don’t approve of her decisions.”
Yutako sighed heavily and sat up straight again.
“You are pretty smart, Shou”, she admitted. “Even if you don’t read books.”
Shou chuckled. He realized she would leave now. It was startling they had had such a long conversation to begin with.
She pushed back her chair and squinted her eyes at him as if considering something.
“Do you like me?”, she asked out of the blue.
Now, Shou was blushing for sure. His cheeks felt hot. There didn’t seem to be a correct answer to that.
“I think you are amazing”, he said. It sounded almost like a question.
“Okay.” Yutako nodded. Her voice was louder again. She wasn’t thoughtful or hesitant anymore. She was back to being absolutely sure of herself.
Shou had no idea what she meant with “okay”.
“What?”, he asked.
“I’m free on the weekend”, she said. “Saturday. I’ll come to your place to hang out. Your parents don’t mind you having girls over, do they?”
Shou stared at her. He felt paralyzed. Yutako, at his place? Wanting to spend time with him? Talking to him? Being close to him over a long period of time? He would probably die of a heart-attack.
“My parents wouldn’t believe me having a woman over to begin with”, he replied. “Even if they heard us talk, they’d probably assume I’m talking to myself in disguised voices. They think I’m a little weird in the head anyway.”
Yutako laughed. Her teeth were showing again.
“Alright then”, she announced. “You are different from the other guys. I’ll give it a try. I’ll come over and you can talk about baseball and touch my boobs or whatever.”
Things were happening too fast. In the morning, Shou had still deemed it impossible Yutako would even talk to him voluntary.
“I don’t like baseball”, he said weakly.
Yutako tilted her head.
“Actually, I like baseball”, she said thoughtfully. Then she shrugged and got up. “But you know, we can also just skip that part.”
Since Shou couldn’t think of an intelligent reply anyway, Yutako just turned around and walked out of the library, her back straight, her step confident.
Shou wondered what had just happened to him. He also wondered if Yutako really meant what she had just told him. Knowing her – she probably did.
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